#yo soy la mariposa

[thevisualvamp]

Have a seat

[thevisualvamp]

Thank you @signaturetastes

…”butterflies can’t see their wings…they can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can…people are like that as well”…

~Naya Rivera

[geezerwench]

Rebecca Solnit 

onrSpseodt5f8511fcll002h9itlfafm0758hf1tif3i882u585hagg2881u  ·

They're spitting in his eye. Latin American presidents are not cowed and not cooperative.

The Trump people assume that power and bullying are the same thing, and they don't understand that real power often lies in the ability to persuade, ally, convince people that they might want to do something rather than attempt to force them to do it against their will. Sometimes yes they can force, often they find they can't and they've shrunk the amount of cooperation and support they'll get (but they don't understand cooperation, because bullies). Which makes enemies and often backfires, as with much of their bullying around the hemisphere. It's crisis of masculinity tactics, I guess. And how you act when you know your policies are unpopular.

[Gustavo Petro is the president of Colombia and when Trump slapped tariffs on their exports, he did the same to ours. Brazil used the arrival of handcuffed detainees to make a big propaganda point against Trump and the US. Mexico turned the first deportee planes around.]

Here's Petro's full tweet in Spanish and then translated (badly):

Trump, a mi no me gusta mucho viajar a los EEUU, es un poco aburridor, pero confieso que hay cosas meritorias, me gusta ir a los barrios negros de Washington, allí ví una lucha entera en la capital de los EEUU entre negros y latinos con barricadas, que me pareció una pendejada, porque deberían unirse.

Confieso que me gusta Walt Withman y Paul Simon y Noam Chomsky y Miller

Confieso que Sacco y Vanzetti, que tienen mi sangre, en la historia de los EEUU, son memorables y les sigo. Los asesinaron por lideres obreros con la silla eléctrica, los fascistas qué están dentro de EEUU como dentro de mi país

No me gusta su petroleo, Trump, va a acabar con la especie humana por la codicia. Quizás algún día, junto a un trago de Whisky qué acepto, a pesar de mi gastritis, podamos hablar francamente de esto, pero es difícil porque usted me considera una raza inferior y no lo soy, ni ningún colombiano.

Así que si conoce alguien terco, ese soy yo, punto. Puede con su fuerza económica y su soberbia intentar dar un golpe de estado como hicieron con Allende. Pero yo muero en mi ley, resistí la tortura y lo resisto a usted. No quiero esclavistas al lado de Colombia, ya tuvimos muchos y nos liberamos. Lo que quiero al lado de Colombia, son amantes de la libertad. Si usted no puede acompañarme yo voy a otros lados. Colombía es el corazón del mundo y usted no lo entendió, esta es la tierra de las mariposas amarillas, de la belleza de Remedios, pero tambien de los coroneles Aurelianos Buendía, de los cuales soy uno de ellos, quizás el último

Me matarás, pero sobreviviré en mi pueblo que es antes del tuyo, en las Américas. Somos pueblos de los vientos, las montañas, del mar Caribe y de la libertad

A usted no le gusta nuestra libertad, vale. Yo no estrecho mi mano con esclavistas blancos. Estrecho las manos de los blancos libertarios herederos de Lincoln y de los muchachos campesinos negros y blancos de los EEUU, ante cuyas tumbas llore y recé en un campo de batalla, al que llegue, después de caminar montañas de la toscana italiana y después de salvarme del covid.

Ellos son EEUU y ante ellos me arrodillo, ante más nadie.

Túmbeme presidente y le responderán las Américas y la humanidad.

Colombia ahora deja de mirar el norte, mira al mundo, nuestra sangre viene de la sangre del califato de Córdoba, la civilización en ese entonces, de los latinos romanos del mediterraneo, la civilización de ese entonces, que fundaron la república, la democracia en Atenas; nuestra sangre tiene los resistentes negros convertidos en esclavos por ustedes. En Colombia está el primer territorio libre de América, antes de Washington, de toda la América, allí me cobijo en sus cantos africanos.

Mi tierra es de orfebrería existente en época de los faraones egipcios, y de los primeros artistas del mundo en Chiribiquete.

No nos dominarás nunca. Se opone el guerrero que cabalgaba nuestras tierras, gritando libertad y que se llama Bolívar

Nuestros pueblos son algo temerosos, algo tímidos, son ingenuos y amables, amantes, pero sabrán ganar el canal de Panamá, que ustedes nos quitaron con violencia. Doscientos héroes de toda latinoamerica yacen en Bocas del Toro, actual Panamá, antes Colombia, que ustedes asesinaron.

Yo levanto una bandera y como dijera Gaitán, así quede solo, seguirá enarbolada con la dignidad latinoamericana que es la dignidad de América, que su bisabuelo no conoció, y el mio sí, señor presidente inmigrante en los EEUU,

Su bloqueo no me asusta; porque Colombia además de ser el país de la belleza, es el corazón del mundo. Se que ama la belleza como yo, no la irrespete y le brindará su dulzura.

COLOMBIA A PARTiR DE HOY SE ABRE A TODO EL MUNDO, CON LOS BRAZOS ABIERTOS, SOMOS CONSTRUCTORES DE LIBERTAD, VIDA Y HUMANIDAD.

Me informan que usted pone a nuestro fruto del trabajo humano 50% de arancel para entrar a EEUU, yo hago lo mismo.

Que nuestra gente siembre maíz que se descubrió en Colombia y alimente al mundo

Trump, I don't really like travelling to the US, it's a bit boring, but I confess that there are some commendable things. I like going to the black neighbourhoods of Washington, where I saw an entire fight in the US capital between blacks and Latinos with barricades, which seemed like nonsense to me, because they should join together.

I confess that I like Walt Whitman and Paul Simon and Noam Chomsky and Miller

I confess that Sacco and Vanzetti, who have my blood, are memorable in the history of the USA and I follow them. They were murdered by labor leaders with the electric chair, the fascists who are within the USA as well as within my country

I don't like your oil, Trump, you're going to wipe out the human species because of greed. Maybe one day, over a glass of whiskey, which I accept, despite my gastritis, we can talk frankly about this, but it's difficult because you consider me an inferior race and I'm not, nor is any Colombian.

So if you know someone who is stubborn, that's me, period. You can try to carry out a coup with your economic strength and your arrogance, like they did with Allende. But I will die in my law, I resisted torture and I resist you. I don't want slavers next to Colombia, we already had many and we freed ourselves. What I want next to Colombia are lovers of freedom. If you can't accompany me, I'll go elsewhere. Colombia is the heart of the world and you didn't understand that, this is the land of the yellow butterflies, of the beauty of Remedios, but also of the colonels Aureliano Buendía, of which I am one, perhaps the last.

You will kill me, but I will survive in my people, which is before yours, in the Americas. We are peoples of the winds, the mountains, the Caribbean Sea and of freedom.

You don't like our freedom, okay. I don't shake hands with white slavers. I shake hands with the white libertarian heirs of Lincoln and the black and white farm boys of the USA, at whose graves I cried and prayed on a battlefield, which I reached after walking the mountains of Italian Tuscany and after being saved from Covid.

They are the United States and before them I kneel, before no one else.

Overthrow me, President, and the Americas and humanity will respond.

Colombia now stops looking north, looks at the world, our blood comes from the blood of the Caliphate of Cordoba, the civilization of that time, of the Roman Latins of the Mediterranean, the civilization of that time, who founded the republic, democracy in Athens; our blood has the black resistance fighters turned into slaves by you. In Colombia is the first free territory of America, before Washington, of all America, there I take refuge in its African songs.

My land is made up of goldsmiths who worked in the time of the Egyptian pharaohs and of the first artists in the world in Chiribiquete.

You will never rule us. The warrior who rode our lands, shouting freedom, who is called Bolívar, opposes us.

Our people are somewhat fearful, somewhat timid, they are naive and kind, loving, but they will know how to win the Panama Canal, which you took from us with violence. Two hundred heroes from all of Latin America lie in Bocas del Toro, today's Panama, formerly Colombia, which you murdered.

I raise a flag and as Gaitán said, even if it remains alone, it will continue to be raised with the Latin American dignity that is the dignity of America, which your great-grandfather did not know, and mine did, Mr. President, an immigrant in the USA,

Your blockade does not scare me, because Colombia, besides being the country of beauty, is the heart of the world. I know that you love beauty as I do, do not disrespect it and you will give it your sweetness.

FROM TODAY ON, COLOMBIA IS OPEN TO THE ENTIRE WORLD, WITH OPEN ARMS, WE ARE BUILDERS OF FREEDOM, LIFE AND HUMANITY.

I am informed that you impose a 50% tariff on the fruits of our human labor to enter the United States, and I do the same.

Let our people plant corn that was discovered in Colombia and feed the world

[thevisualvamp]

Photographers I like

© Emanuela Cau

-  Facebook

- Instagram

The time left is short, be kind to me da "Il mio vero" di Mariangela Gualtieri

[escritosdefaq]

Me convertí en un desastre. Lo sé, sé que te perdí y también sé que intenté todo para no hacerlo. Ahora estoy acá, alejado de todo, en otro lugar lejos de vos, kilómetros nos separan y puedo respirar. No, no soy el víctima en toda esta situación. Extraño tu amor y nos extraño muchísimo. Extraño tus besos y tus abrazos de cuando nos amábamos tanto que no queríamos soltarnos. Jamás imaginé que iba a abrazarte por última vez y no te abrace más fuerte. Me hago el fuerte y el duro, pero jamás deje de pensarte. Me convertí en todo esto por tomar todas las malas decisiones posibles, me escapé de todo y de todos, sé y tengo muy claro todo lo que tengo que solucionar en mi vida cuando vuelva y por eso me fui, para volver y solucionar todo y recomponerme poco a poco, sé que puedo hacerlo. Pero en cambio a nosotros ya no sé, vos me decís que ya no sentís nada por mí, que no te intereso y que ya no te causo nada. No sé si esperarte, no sé si olvidarte del todo cuando ni siquiera puedo borrar nuestras fotos y videos. No soy capaz de estar con nadie más y eso me jode más que pienses así de mí. Soy el facu que conociste la primera vez que te enamoraste, soy facu que está tratando de escapar de la realidad y dejar de sufrir un rato porque estos meses fueron durísimos para mí sin vos. Soy el facu que una vez amaste, el que está totalmente arrepentido y muere por abrazarte y besarte una vez más. Soy el facu que una vez te hizo feliz y te hizo sentir mariposas en el estomago. Soy el facu de las últimas veces que te compraba comida y estaba intenso por ir a verte todas las mañanas y dormir aunque sea unas horas con vos. Soy el facu que esperaba ansioso el día de poder oficializar todo y presumirte como su mujer. Sé que derrape demasiado y me equivoqué demasiado, sé todo lo que tengo que resolver cuando vuelva, y sé que todo lo que hice, no estuvo bien, ni estuve bien yo, sé todo lo que me espera y confío que voy a poder trabajar para solucionarlo todo. Con vos ya no sé qué vaya a pasar, te amo y no puedo verte como una amiga aunque quiera, ni trate, no puedo. No puedo mirarte y no sentir nada o que se me vengan recuerdos de como me mirabas, besabas y abrazabas, de como te morías de amor por mí. Y sí, sé que te lastime, pero también demostré cambios para poder amarte y no perderte… pero bueno acá estamos no? Son casi las 5 de la mañana y yo escribiendo algo que ni sé si vayas a leer o te vaya a importar. No puedo dejar de amarte, ni puedo verte como una amiga más, porque te amé, te amo y siempre vas a ser el amor de mi vida, la persona con la cual cree hermosos recuerdos y viví tantas cosas bonitas y duras, pero siempre vas a ser lo más hermoso que tuve. No puedo y no creo poder aunque lo intente. Y no sé cómo haces vos, me gustaría tener la misma determinación tuya de dejar de sentir y obligarte a vivir sin mí en solo cuestión de 2 meses, quisiera poder tener ese poder, pero mientras tanto, no puedo olvidarte ida. No puedo olvidarnos y tampoco me obligo a hacerlo. Solo quiero estar bien y poner en orden mi vida, no quiero sufrir más tu ausencia porque jamás quise perderte. Te amo y siempre voy a hacerlo, jamás haría algo para lastimarte, porque te amo y fuiste lo más hermoso que me paso en la vida.

[passionpeachy]

Cuál es tu proceso a la hora de dibujar? Como buscas referencias y llegas a la idea que quieres plasmar

Tu arte es hermoso btw, es el tipo de cosas que me gustaría hacer

Yo me la paso mucho en Pinterest agarrando inspiración y también pienso como puedo combinar las cosas que me gustan estéticamente.

Por ejemplo, a mi me gustan mucho la naturaleza, las estrellas, las perlas, las mariposas, cosas que brillan! Entonces pienso como puedo dibujar exactamente eso, nunca quiero dibujar algo que no me puede hacer al menos un poquito feliz, sea trabajo o solo para mi.

Ah, y también algo un esfuerzo para tener originalidad.... Si estoy dibujando algo básico como un gato, yo me pregunto "ok como puedo hacer qué esto sea mas interesante para mi y no exactamente como todos los gatos en el internet" y puede hacer algo pequeño como un estilo diferente, una bufanda muy larga or oídos que iluminan. Cositas así lol

Ojalá que esto ayude un poquito...no siempre soy la mas buena con explicaciones. Muchas gracias por el apoyo 🤍

[thevisualvamp]

The shell game

[drizzleoftherain]

Liturgia

Chapter 3: It’s Become a Habit, a Way to Start the Day

Pairing: Ava Silva & Beatrice

Ao3

Author's note: I have been sent to spread the joy of pop music. There’s a playlist and a mood-board.

The afternoon sun was coming through the studio’s bare windows, the rays of light casting shadows along the carpet. It wasn’t late by any means, but the tilt of the Earth was sure making it seem like it was. Ava sat on a stool with a microphone in front of her. She was in the middle of a recording session with Michael and a couple of other sound engineers. 

She didn’t know what kind of musical spirit had taken over her body, but everything was about this song was working out better than expected. It was surprising how quickly this album was taking shape, which spoke for itself, because it had never flowed so easily in the past. She listened to the playback, taken aback with how much her sound had changed. Even her vocal range had shifted to something lower, more powerful and commanding, she still had her trademark falsettos to fall back on, but this was a good different, something she hoped people would also enjoy.

Michael waved to catch her attention as the song ended, pointing at her phone. She slotted the headphones on top of the stand and stepped outside the recording area to retrieve it. 

“You’ve received a couple of messages, I didn’t want to interrupt.” Michael sat behind the console next to the other engineers, they were still adding some final mixes to the song.

Fuck, Beatrice. She had meant to reply to the lunch request, but had been too caught up with the song. “Thanks, I’ll just be a few minutes.” She stepped outside the studio, closing the door behind her.

Donatello

[Hey, sorry I didn’t hear back about lunch and just wanted to check that we were still doing that?]

[If not, that’s fine I’ll just grab something after vocal training.]

[I’m so sorry Bea!]

[I promise I didn’t forget about you. The creative juices were flowing and I lost track of time.]

[I’m also very sorry you had to read that. Please ignore the juices flowing.]

The dots appeared and reappeared a few times as Ava waited for a reply. Beatrice seemed to either be writing the world's largest text message or she couldn't decide what to respond. 

[That’s okay!]

[I hope everything has been going well at the studio.]

[More than!]

[Are you free now? I’m itching to show the song to someone other than my producer and his minions.]

[I can be persuaded, my couch is very comfortable though.]

[You get to meet Michael Salvius.]

[I’ll be there in twenty.]

Exactly twenty minutes later there was a knock on the studio door. Michael was on his feet first, sliding the door open. Ava watched from behind the glass as the two shook hands and introduced themselves, Michael extended the formality to the others. Beatrice caught her eyes moments later, giving her a small smile.

Ava bounced towards the group. “So, wanna hear it?”

They took a seat while Michael prepped the song for playback.

The song began with a scat on the drums, Ava’s voice sing-talking along. Heavy synthesizers took over the studio speakers, a sound that was strikingly similar to the noise a motorcycle makes when the engine is revved along with drums heavy with intention and rhythm. Beatrice must not have expected this because her eyes became large with astonishment after Ava’s first verse.

Yo soy muy mía, yo me transformo

Una mariposa, yo me transformo

Makeup de drag queen, yo me transformo

Lluvia de estrellas, yo me transformo

The technical engineers discussed amongst each other as the song went on, still mixing and mastering the sound. Beatrice’s mouth was partially open and Ava could tell she was enjoying it as her foot bounced along with the tempo.

Como un pavo real, bebé

La cerilla al quemar, bebé

Tu cara, tu mirá', bebé

Si te vuelvo a besar, bebé

They had reached the stretch of the song that was still unfinished, it was missing something that they still hadn’t quite figured out, but Ava knew to trust the process, it would come to them, there was no reason to rush it. “We’re still thinking about this part, something to get us to the bridge.”

Beatrice was quiet for a second, still taking in the synths and drums as the beat stretched. “The beginning with the scatting, it’s jazz influenced.” She spoke to Ava who nodded, “Why don’t you continue with something improvisational? Stylistic? Only for that section.”

Michael was listening along now too. “Like an entire change of tone?”

Before Beatrice could reply, Ava took her hand, leading her inside the recording area. “Show me.”

“Is the piano ready?” Beatrice pointed while walking to the instrument.

“Yes.”

Beatrice stood before it, her hand hovering above the keys, thinking. “Start from the second verse.” The verse played, and Beatrice played two notes, then a chord, then another two sets of ascending notes, another chord, both incohesive and discordant. Then, she sat and her hands moved across the keys as if it wasn’t the most impressive thing in the world that she had practically improvised a jazz standard with multiple chord changes and tones. 

“What the fuck!”

Beatrice was still focused, ignoring Ava’s outburst. “I would increase the tempo of the scatting if you were to do something like this.”

“We’re using exactly that. That’s it.” Ava leaned against the side of the upright piano, “That is if you’re okay with it of course. You’ll get writing credits as well.”

Beatrice was speechless, and her cheeks slightly pink. “I couldn’t. You guys have already done so much and that was like less than ten seconds of work.”

“Oh Beatrice, you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby, people have done far less for writing credits.” Ava could see Beatrice’s face go from utter confusion to amusement in a span of a second.

“Did you just Parks and Rec. me?”

“Indeed! Ava turned to Michael, “Let’s hear it.”

Once they were all satisfied with the end result and Beatrice’s writing credits were solidified, signed off, and metaphorically stamped, the two women lingered after Michael and his team left for the evening. They both shared the stool in front of the piano where Beatrice had been teaching Ava a few jazz chord progressions, something that had turned out to be more difficult than expected.

“I promise I can play this instrument, you’re just like a crazy piano prodigy,” Ava spoke while messing up the same four chords again.

Beatrice chuckled, raising her hand to hover over Ava’s. She pressed down on Ava’s fingers gently, dragging the hand along the four chords again. “Remember it’s all about spontaneity, even if you mess up just don’t show it, create something else. That’s the point.”

Ava tried again, coming to the same outcome. “You know what, I give up. Maybe jazz isn’t for me.” Beatrice was smirking in a way too smug kinda way and Ava was not having it. “Now, I feel like I need to play something just so you believe me. I can see it on your face. I'm a fraud.” 

Beatrice actually snickered at that. “I promise I don’t think you’re a fraud!”

Ava huffed, hands already on the keys. She was going to play something and she was going to play something so well that the stupid smug grin on Beatrice’s face was going to wish it hadn’t presented itself. 

The song began softly, just a few notes, and a flourish here and there. Then, the melody slowly became known, the sound took over the dimly lit room. Beatrice listened silently, taking in the soothing tune. 

Ava stopped, somewhat shy with the shift in mood. Maybe she should have played something more lively.

“Don’t stop,” Beatrice’s voice was soft. “I love this song.”

Their eyes met briefly, enough for Ava to look down at the keys again, far too bashful. She continued from where she left off, the song reaching the chorus. Then, Beatrice’s calm voice joined harmonising along with the piano.

I go through all this before you wake up

So I can feel happier to be safe up here with you

I go through all this before you wake up

So I can feel happier to be safe up here with you

And somehow to Ava’s credit she kept going, even though all she wanted to do was listen to Beatrice sing. 

It's early morning, no one is awake

I'm back at my cliff, still throwing things off

I listen to the sounds they make on their way down

I follow with my eyes till they crash

She joined Beatrice, both singing together.

I imagine what my body would sound like

Slamming against those rocks

And when it lands

Will my eyes be closed or open?

They finished the song together, both their voices blending perfectly. Ava’s voice was slightly higher, contrasting impeccably with Beatrice’s deeper richer one. It was still, so still that they could hear the last of the faint vibrations of the piano’s strings.

Ava was the first to speak. “So, Björk.”

“Björk.” Beatrice’s head was bowed, her eyes shifting along the keys. “What beautiful morbidity.”

“You know, I never understood how people could misjudge that song. Always just lingering on the suicidal ideation.”

Beatrice‘s eyes were on her, “But it’s really about casting away your negativity, the fear of whatever comes next.”

“Well, yes there’s that but also not carrying everything on your own. It’s allowing yourself to be intimate with your emotions and inner demons and sharing them with the person you love.”

Beatrice’s eyebrows were downcast. “Wait, but she doesn’t say that at all.”

Ava swatted Beatrice’s arm, bouncing a little on the shared bench, “That’s the point! She’s not sharing her negative emotions out of fear that her relationship will be too fragile to endure it.”

It took a second, but eventually Beatrice nodded along taking in Ava’s words. “Hmm, I hadn’t considered that.” She looked down at her wrist, checking the time on her watch. “Great Scott! Is that the time? Camila is going to murder me.”

Ava had to double check if the person next to her was in fact a seventy year old grandmother. “What’s up?”

“I was meant to meet her at Harrods for some last minute Christmas shopping,” She stood from the stool already beelining for the production room. “I sort of forgot to get presents with everything that’s been happening.”

Ava lowered the piano’s lid, following closely behind.

They draped on their coats for the cold night air and made their way down the steps to the ground floor of the studio. It was early evening by this point. 

“So, what do you have going on for the rest of the night?” Beatrice held the door open for both of them, Ava slightly crouching underneath her arm to go through.

Ava adjusted the scarf around her neck. “Probably get some takeout and watch Derry Girls for like the third time.” She hoped the disappointment in their time being cut short wasn’t too obvious. “A little reward after today.”

Eyes looked at her curiously as if Beatrice could read her mind. “Do you want to tag along? We can get some kebabs on the way.” She added quickly, “And I kind of want to see Camila freak out.”

Ava breathed out, the temptation was strong. “I’m not sure, crowded confined places are not safe for me.”

“Oh. You mean because you’ll be–”

“Yeah, that small detail. I’ll be recognised.”

“How about this?” Beatrice pulled a navy beanie from her coat pocket, presenting it to Ava. “It’s not much, but I think you could get away with at least people not going in for the double take.”

Her eyes went from the beanie to Beatrice.

They grabbed kebabs and a large chips to share between them as they walked to the nearest train entrance. Beatrice had set up the pass system on her phone, then went first showing Ava what to do. They dug into the chips by the tracks and busily chewed, unable to form any kind of conversation. Everyone around them far too tired from the long work day to even lift their heads from their phones. The train arrived just as Beatrice threw the last of their consumables in the bin.

On the train they were able to find a small corner to fit into, barely avoiding the amount of people crammed into the cart. Ava was against the wall too far from any kind of handle to hold on to with Beatrice directly in front of her, shielding her from view. The train jolted forward causing her to lose her balance, but not before Beatrice with her free hand managed to right her back up. She then pressed her hand on the wall to Ava’s side so that she wouldn’t shift further. 

Ava looked up with a thankful smile and Beatrice took a second to carefully adjust the beanie on her head, pulling it down more. “Keep your head down.” She did as instructed and found that Beatrice’s Chucks surrounded her Vans, further holding her to the spot. 

The train ride went on without any fanfare, just the occasional glance up to check for their stop, which after the first few times turned into an excuse to look at Beatrice. Ava wasn’t sure what was commanding her to do it and she had never been the type to gawk, much less at a person. There was something about the way Beatrice held her neck when she was looking away, it was long, strong, and with the tiniest freckle on the left side. There was an aura about it as well, like she had been instructed her whole life to keep her head held high through proper posture. 

“Something on my face?”

“Wha–”

“You were staring.”

“Now arriving at Knightbridge station,” The automated voice echoed across the cart.

“That’s our stop isn’t it?” Beatrice craned her neck double checking. Then, without confirming, gripped Ava’s hand and began to push through the throngs of people. 

The crowds in the street were riddled with work commuters and visitors alike, and if you weren’t going home you were headed to Harrods. The building glowed against the backdrop of the cloudy night sky. The Christmas display was up in full swing as everyone around snapped photos. She had never been inside the building itself, but knew exactly what she was about to run into. The place was swanky, like they grew their own yarn, imported slabs of chocolate, and had in stock Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vibe Altering-Stickers, swanky.

They went through the double doors and Ava followed Beatrice to the lower ground where Camila said she would be. Christmas literally exploded, there were rows and rows of ornaments and decorations with gift wrapping available practically everywhere she looked. The atmosphere calmed her in the sense that she wouldn’t be recognised, but then filled her with fear for her safety for a completely different reason. People. So many people at various stages of stress frantically looking for gifts.

Ava felt her phone vibrating in her coat pocket. Emilia. She answered the call signaling to Beatrice that she’d be a moment. “Hello.”

“I know you told me you were going to be in the studio the whole day, but I figured you might want to hear me out.” Emilia’s voice came through. “Are you not in the studio? I can hear a lot on your end.”

“No, finished up. Getting groceries.” She regretted it the moment it came out of her mouth. She kept her eyes on Beatrice as she wandered off in search of Camila.

“You. Getting groceries?” As if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. “I do fear hell has frozen over, Ava.”

It annoyed Ava that she was somewhat right in mocking her. “What was it that you wanted to tell me?”

“The Grammy’s called just now, apparently they’re going to honour Max Martin this year with a Lifetime Achievement Award. They were wondering if you wanted to be part of the tribute given that you’ll already be there to present the Album of the Year Award.”

“What’s the tribute?”

“His music through the years, that sort of thing, with different performers. A medley of sorts.”

“When do they need an answer?” She fiddled with a snowflake ornament, needing something to do other than looking around nervously. She wanted to focus on the album that was her priority, anything else was going to take too much of her time. Agreeing to this meant agreeing to rehearsals. 

“Tomorrow at the latest, they want to start workshopping ideas with the talents as soon as possible.”

Beatrice was waving at her with Camila in tow. She waved back while giving Emilia a quick reply in the hopes that she could get off the call, “I’ll call tomorrow with an answer. Goodnight!” The other women joined her as she hung up. 

Camila had a huge smile as she greeted her, barely containing her excitement.“Well, this is unexpected!” 

“Hi, Camila.” Beatrice nudged her friend in a futile attempt to get her off her stupor. “I hear we’re going to do a bit of Christmas shopping.”

“We are! This is my first time inside Harrods, I mean, first time here to shop that is.” Her curly hair bounced behind her as she spoke.

And they were off. They looked through displays pointing out at all the decorations that caught their eyes while making ridiculous cute noises at the stuffed animals or endearing wood pieces. They squeezed through small openings, barely managing to not drop things in their path. At some point Ava spotted a pair of wearable antlers and begged Beatrice to wear them. Actually, there wasn’t a lot of begging because Beatrice tutted only once as a show of reluctance but then put them on without much fuss.

Camila rushed to grab a basket with hands already too full to keep going. As they passed a nature display she spoke up, “What have we got here? A £79 bird on a stick?” The thing looked like it was about the snap off.

Beatrice chuckled good naturally. “It goes perfectly with a £2500 nutcracker.”

“Who are they kidding with these prices?” Camila said all while continuing to add things to her basket.

Ava walked behind them accidentally making eye contact with a massively creepy felt reindeer that was too human for her own liking. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” She flicked the reindeer’s nose, “What happened that time I asked you guys to open for my London show?”

The speed in which Camila spun around gave her whiplash, “What?”

“Must have been three years ago I think while I was here doing the tour, my assistant contacted your manager at the time,” She explained shifting a few things around, avoiding Camila’s gaze was priority number one, “We were told the schedules conflicted.”

“Beatrice, did you know about this?” Camila’s voice had an accusatory tone, intriguing Ava because Beatrice was quiet, too quiet. The arms crossed stance was not usual for Beatrice as far as Ava was aware, which meant she had accidentally opened the floodgates to something. 

“I…I’m not– I don’t remember the specifics,” She began, choosing her words carefully, Camila was also crossing her arms now, “We were doing festivals around that time and Vincent …he wasn’t managing requests well.”

Camila looked Beatrice up and down, “Go on.” 

Oh yeah, she should not have asked.

“Vincent asked while I was between interviews, I thought he was joking, I obviously couldn’t believe it so I dismissed it.” Her gaze fell on Ava, she saw the guilt on Beatrice’s face. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful around him.”

Ava came to stand between them, putting a soothing hand on each of them, “It’s okay guys, I know how difficult it can all be in the beginning. No harm done.” She winked at Camila, “Plus, now you owe me.”

Camila somewhat acquiesced with a tiny shrug, “Beatrice will pay in time.” Said person gave her friend a sheepish smile in return. 

In the middle of an ornament comparison session, Beatrice’s phone rang, she informed Camila that it was Suzanne before answering the call. “Suzanne? Hi.” Ava could tell Beatrice was struggling to hear with all the noise around them. “No, yes, she’s here with me, that's why she’s not answering her phone.”

Camila perked up, “Me?”

Beatrice spoke to Camila, “The others are on the line, Suzanne has news for us.” Her bandmate came closer standing on her tiptoes to reach where Beatrice held the phone and Beatrice must have realised because she lowered herself to meet Camila’s ear with the phone. 

Both women listened carefully, nodding silently along to whatever the conversation was about. Then, a couple of emotions went through their faces, shock, realisation and then joy. Camila was jumping, Beatrice was trying to keep herself balanced while being tugged along in every direction, the phone’s trajectory at some point was the floor, then, it started bouncing between Beatrice’s hands before she got a good grip again.

“Oh my God!” Camila rushed to Ava enveloping her in a big hug, completely forgetting that a conversation was being had. “We just got nominated for a Grammy!” 

“Woah!” Ava was jumping now too, just as high as Camila as they both held each other celebrating.

Beatrice looked at them amused, “Everyone is very happy!” She watched as the bouncing turned into a weird dance session along with unnecessary hip movements. “There’s more!”

“WHAT! WHAT!”

“We’re performing, some kind of tribute.” Beatrice turned in an attempt to hear the phone more clearly. “Okay, sounds good, I’ll let Camila know and then we can all get together and talk about this.” It wasn’t long until she rejoined Ava and Camila sporting a really cute smile and those small crescents again. And in that instance Ava decided all at once that she wanted to be the cause of one of those smiles, or definitely a few she was a highly motivated overachiever after all.

Camila rushed her friend in another world shifting hug, which Beatrice was now actually ready for. “BEAAAA! A fucking Grammy!”

Beatrice was practically holding Camila upright at this point. “Best new artist!”

“A GRAMMY!”

“Congratulations guys!”

“Bring it in, Ava,” And now she too was in a Camila headlock, as they all bounced in place. Everyone around them too caught up with whatever they were doing to pay them any mind.

“There's going to be a Max Martin tribute, we’ve been asked to take part in it, but we have to discuss it with the rest of the group.” Beatrice explained the bit Camila had missed during her celebration rampage.

“Oh please!” They began walking through the crowd again, Camila held her basket above her head, protecting the goods. “Where’s the register? I need to leave this place before I sign my life away again.”

As they stood in line for the register, Ava spoke up, “The call I received earlier was about that as well, they’re also asking me to be part of it.”

“No way! Will you? You’ve got to! It’s Max Martin, who can say no to that man.” Apparently, Ava could and was about to. 

Beatrice was observing her, no doubt waiting for her answer as well. “Will you forgive Beatrice if I say ‘yes’?

Camila couldn’t hold back the huge smile from taking over her features. “I will definitely forgive Beatrice. Clean slate!”

And Beatrice, she was smiling too, “Then, yes. I’ll do it! For Beatrice of course.” Ava nudged Beatrice, all too pliant in the way she swayed on the spot. 

They were in the home goods section now where a candle snuffer was the current hot topic. It was Beatrice who had found it, and by this point on her third explanation as to why her mother needed it. Ava was amused with the sibling dynamic, Camila no doubt younger kept insisting that Beatrice was losing her Goddamn mind right now.

“Beatrice, you cannot get your mother a £250 candle snuffer.” Beatrice was opening her mouth to protest, “If you say ‘she can’t just blow on it’ I will skin you with it.”

Ava wanted to add fuel to the fire, or in this case a candle. “What about this?” She held a white candle up for them, “It’s tuberose scented.”

“What in the world is tuberose?” Camila inquired, holding the object in her hand, “Am I poor?”

“ Agave amica, ” Beatrice said nonchalantly, “It’s a flower.”

That was definitely not going to help, but it did momentarily glitch Ava’s neurons in the best of ways.

“I’m poor.”

Beatrice held up a pair of wick trimmers, “Maybe I’ll get this as well? Make it a set.”

Ava wasn’t sure if Camila understood that Beatrice was messing with her now. “Are those fucking scissors £500?”

Ava went in for the jugular, “To be exact they’re £563.”

Camila threw her hands up in surrender and then pointed at Beatrice with all the wrath of a French peasant, “You’re the 1%.” She then turned to Ava, “Not you Ava, you’re the wind beneath my wings,” before she scurried away. 

They were taking the escalator down when it happened. There was a sudden flash coming from above them. Beatrice and Camila froze, not anticipating the unnatural intrusion of lights going off. Ava knew better, she pulled the beanie as far down as possible, exiting as quickly as she could. The women followed closely behind her, necks jumping for the photographers to Ava’s swift moving form. 

Beatrice jogged to her side. “How can I help? What can I do?” Her voice rushed out, panicked. 

Ava ducked behind one of the tables with a Christmas pudding display, Camila and Beatrice following her lead. “I need an emergency exit.”

Both of the women’s heads popped up, searching frantically. “Down the chocolate display cabinets to the left.” Beatrice ducked back down. “We’ll cut straight through it’ll be okay.” She watched as both Camila and Ava nodded in confirmation and then an idea came to her. “Ava, give the beanie to Camila.” Ava did as she was told, understanding immediately what was about to happen. 

Camila put it on without hesitation, “I volunteer as tribute.”

Ava made a noise between a snort and a laugh while looking between Beatrice and Camila affectionately. “Do you hear it, Cam?” She mimicked the iconic sound, making popping noises with her mouth, “ Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well.”

“Oh, I hear it.” She stood fixing the beanie more snuggly around her head, she directed her eyes towards the photographers who were sifting through every possible space searching for Ava. “ Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well.” She saluted them one last time then ran for her life, colourful shopping bags shaking from side to side. 

Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well

Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well

They watched her go, her small legs going so fast that metaphorically there was dust in her wake. A photographer pointed at her retreating form shouting at the others to follow. Beatrice grabbed her hand. “Don’t let go.” And honestly, she didn’t need to be told twice.

Get back, get down

Pull me closer if you think you can hang

Hands up, hands tied

Don't go screamin' if I blow you with a bang

They ran to the chocolate cabinets, pushing through as many people as they could. A child screamed bloody murder as their tray of chocolates hit the floor. Beatrice’s grip was solid, pulling her along through pure adrenaline alone. She kicked the emergency door open and proceeded to glide down the stairs, a feat that Ava was finding a lot more difficult to manage, but somehow she was still on her feet.

Going nought to bitch, I'll see four million

Accelerating fast, I can do this in a second

Lookin' in the rear view, swaggin' goin' swell

Leavin' boys behind ‘cause it’s illegal just to kill

They were outside before she even realised. Beatrice slowed, taking in her surroundings. “You okay?”

Ava was in fact not okay. She had gone down ten flights of stairs and her cardio was abysmal when in off season. It was a miracle that she even had enough breath to breathe, which should pretty much answer Beatrice. 

How was Beatrice managing to speak right now? How had those stupid antlers not fallen off!

“Fuck,” Her hand was gripped again and she was pulled forward, this time though their hands were clammy and Beatrice was losing her grip. Before they lost their momentum their fingers entwined and if Ava wasn’t so busy running for her life she would have lingered on it. 

Ava focus ! 

The crowd behind was growing with noise and Ava could only assume the photographers had realised Camila was a distraction. 

“Your phone!” Beatrice yelled mid breath. “Get your phone ready!”

By the time she looked up from her phone they had made it to the underground. She scanned her face and slammed the thing to the receiver. They made it down the escalator and a train was there waiting. The announcement came through of the doors closing. Beatrice pulled her inside, and Ava slammed onto her chest as the doors shut behind them.

Shift gear, automatic, damned if I do

Who's gonna stop me when I'm coming through?

What we got left is just me and you

But if I go to bed, baby, can I take you?

Turns out just jumping into a random train wasn’t the best idea because they had to redirect themselves a couple of stations down, but thankfully no photographers to avoid just a teenager who absolutely lost their mind. 

The streets were quiet by the time they made it to Ava’s rental. They had survived mostly unscathed, except for Beatrice’s candle which had unfortunately shattered due to all the commotion. Ava was sure there would be pictures and she was already planning on giving Emilia a phone call tonight. 

“Ava, I am so sorry about putting you in that situation.” Beatrice had been eerily silent up to this point. Hearing her voice alleviated Ava’s concerns somewhat since she was already jumping onto the conclusion that it had all been too much. “I should have listened earlier instead of steamrolling you into it.” The way she was looking at Ava was devastating.

Ava was not upset in the least though, she had a great time with Beatrice and Camila. She couldn’t recall the last time she felt normal, just out and about with friends without the constant nagging feeling in her head. “Are you kidding? That was amazing!”

Beatrice watched her carefully, “Are you sure?”

Ava skipped forward, walking backwards in front of Beatrice. “Sure, I’m sure!”

“I completely understand if you never want a repeat of that.”

“You know, after a point things like that aren’t avoidable, you gotta make do with what you can.”

“Still, I should have been more careful, it wasn’t safe for you.” Beatrice was beating herself up for the night's events, her gaze downcast on the pavement. 

Ava stopped and placed her hand on Beatrice’s shoulder, “Hey, I’m fine. See?” She spun in place. “And I got free cardio out of it!” She gestured with her head towards an apartment flat on their right. “Here’s my stop.”

They walked down the small but well kept garden. The lights were all off except for the streetlamp a couple of homes away. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself then.” Beatrice was starting to sound a little better though slightly conflicted. 

“Camila definitely enjoyed herself.” They both laughed. “I should probably thank her, it couldn’t have been easy.”

“I’m sure she’ll love it if I give you her number.”

“Please do! She’s my new partner in crime after all.”

Beatrice huffed in a playful outraged manner, her insanely cute stupid antlers still perfectly on her head. “Wow, I’ve been replaced already. I should have known!”

“I could never replace you.” It came out with too much sincerity to be offhanded.

Beatrice’s cheeks had become pinker suddenly, a small smile creeping by her eyes. “I’ll see you after the holidays?”

“Already counting the days.” She doesn’t know what possessed her, but she leaned forward giving Beatrice a kiss on the cheek. “Happy Holidays, Beatrice.”

Beatrice was stock-still, eyes shifting back and forth between Ava’s own. And after a few seconds she breathed in and said, “Happy Holidays, Ava.”

Ava closed the door behind her, but couldn’t bring herself to walk much further. She leaned on it for support with her head against the wood, and then slowly released a long breath. The tips of her ears felt hot and her hands buzzed on the door handle. Her heart was thudding rapidly inside her chest and she felt dizzy and completely still all at once. 

Hmm

—

[Did you just link me homework?]

[I sent you jazz scales, for practice while you’re away.]

[You sent me homework while on holiday. What kind of monster are you!?]

–

[Did you know that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and ABC’s have the same melody!?]

[Yes, I did know that.]

[My mind is blown!]

–

[I just googled you. How are you younger than me?]

[Why are you googling me? Also, I don’t believe you.]

[I was bored and wanted insider knowledge. Google it!]

[Unbelievable. Do your scales!]

–

{hahahhoo.jpeg}

[Is that Camila tripping into one of the Christmas displays?]

[Yes! The beanie came off and everything, no wonder they figured it out so quickly.]

[I showed her, she said “I will treasure this ‘til my dying day”.]

[There’s a dopey one of you with the antlers, looks like you’re mid sneeze.]

{sneezyface.jpeg}

[How do I unaccept this?]

[Oh, it’s on the internet, there’s no unaccepting it.]

[I need to get in contact with our publicist.]

[It’s my chat background now, it’s too late.]

–

[How are your holidays going so far?]

[Great! I’ve been eating and sleeping like the lazy bum I am.] 

[Haven’t thought of the album at all. Not one bit.]

[You’re editing aren’t you?]

[Wouldn’t you like to know!?]

[That’s why I asked!]

[What about you? What have you been up to?]

[Mostly studio time. Everyone is free so we’ve been consistently putting work into the album.]

[We’re getting together tomorrow night for Christmas Eve dinner.]

[You got presents for everyone?]

[Yes, I managed to pick up Lilith’s this morning. I'm sure she’ll absolutely love a Madonna greatest hits compilation.]

[If I don’t hear from you I’ll assume you’re dead and begin to plot my revenge.]

[Oh? Are you going to protect me from Lilith?]

[Silly, Bea, I’m rich, not stupid.]

[I’ll send an assassin and also you’re already dead.] 

[Maybe I’ll shed a few tears.]

[What can I even say to that?]

[I guess I can die at peace now that I know what to expect.]

[What! No! Don’t say that!] 

[I’ll avenge you! I’ll do it myself. Where does she live?!]

{Aurora - Starvation} 

[Here. Your battle song.]

[Aurora! You just reminded me that I need to listen to her new album.]

[Okay woah!]

[Battle music but with a dance break?]

[Wait, are we having a dance battle?]

[I will protect your honour or whatever!]

[It’s not the Middle Ages!]

–

[Merry Christmas, Ava.]

{10 hour Venga Boys video}

[Merry Christmas!]

[I’m currently on 04:36/10:00 hours in and it is literally the only thing holding me together right now.]

[I can’t imagine hopping on the Venga Bus for that long is psychologically sound.]

[I can only take so many cheek kisses and bendiciones.] 

[What are you up to on the day of our Lord?]

[Just to mum’s for lunch and then not much else.]

[I can’t even sit long enough to respond! I gotta go make arroz con leche.]

[I’ll call you later?]

[I’d like that.]

–

When she’s finally settled for the night, with a book on her lap and a cup of tea by her side, Ava calls. Beatrice fights the urge to answer right away, barely keeping her fingers from swiping after the second ring. “Hello?” Her voice is quiet in her empty flat.

“Hi.” Ava’s is husky and low as if she’s trying to keep her voice down. “Sorry, give me a second. I'm trying to sneak away.”

Something inside Beatrice starts to panic, “Ava you didn’t have to go through the trouble. I know you’re with your family. Honestly, I’m happy to just ring you tomorrow or something.”

“You’re gonna ring me tomorrow?” Ava fondly mocks Beatrice’s accent, but continues, “You sound so posh right now. The phone is intensifying your accent. Or has it always been this… attractive?”

Beatrice is not sure how to respond to that. “I guess it must be the phone because I’m sure I’ve been English this whole time.”

“This whole time? Maybe it’s because I’m only focusing on your voice, it makes it more noticeable.”

“Your voice sounds different too.”

She could hear Ava settling somewhere, “Yeah?”

“Yes, it’s much lower.”

“Oh? Like, sexy low?”

“Like, when you sing sometimes in a lower register, your voice sounds fuller, more mature.” She was an idiot to the highest degree. 

–

{Doechii - Denial is A River}

[I get it, Doechii. I get it.]

[Ava, it’s 3 AM!]

Before Ava even has a chance to reply, Beatrice is calling. “I promise I’m up for a totally respectable reason.”

“And what’s that?” Beatrice’s voice was groggy with sleep.

“I think I’ve reached a point of delirium. I caught myself rhyming the ABC’s with 123.” 

Beatrice chucked. “As simple as do, re, mi.”

“You know what the worst part is?”

“Hmm?”

Ava pushed her laptop away, making space on top of her bed to lie down. “I want to keep it.”

“Maybe you can revisit this in the morning.”

“But— ”

“Are your creative juices flowing again?”

“I told you to ignore that!”

“I’m staying on the phone until you go to sleep.”

“Well, I’m staying on the phone until YOU go to sleep so that I can continue with the creative process.”

“Is that a challenge?”

When Ava woke up a few hours later she found her phone by the side of her face still on a call.

“Ava?”

“Who won?”

“I’m not sure, I think I fell asleep.”

–

Beatrice had been pulled into every direction at this point and her coordination was failing her. The not so spiked punch was starting to seem very messed with. The bathroom mirror reflected back a face covered in four different shades of lipstick, all courtesy of her bandmates. 

The music vibrated off the door as the party continued outside. 

As she rubbed at the marks on her face a video call came through her phone, which was dangerously dangling on the rim of the sink.

She answered, “Hi Ava.”

Ava’s face took a second to stabilise, “Happy New Year!” Ava mumbled. She was wearing a goofy hat and appeared to be scarfing down grapes.

“Happy New Year!”

“Are you in the bathroom?”

“Yes, just trying to remove lipstick off my face. Though it is proving futile.”

Ava’s face came closer to the phone, “Who are the kisses from?”

“Four drunkards wouldn’t leave me be.”

“Quick, I want you to make a wish.” Ava held a green grape up to the phone’s camera. “I’m on my last grape and I can’t think of anything else so I’m granting you my last wish.”

“Do I have to say it out loud?”

“No.”

—

“Absolutely not! This is not what we all agreed to do.” Beatrice was not having it. The plans had completely changed. 

Suzanne sighed, shifting her weight on the chair in front of them. They were in the hotel lobby waiting for a van to take them to rehearsal. Her bandmates sat around in various stages of jet lag. “Did you or did you not agree to perform in the tribute?” 

“Yes, WE–” She was cut off by Suzanne’s raised hand, Levy snickered nearby.

“Are you not part of the band, Beatrice?” The raised eyebrow was enough to send shivers down her spine.

She huffed, looking anywhere but at her manager’s face. This was upsetting her. She agreed with the band performing together, not to frolicking on stage to lame 90’s pop songs for the whole world to watch. “Why me? Camila and Lilith are great singers, and I’m sure they can pick up choreography just as quickly.”

“Camila and Lilith are not the image of the group.” Levy interjected, slightly annoyed that he even had to remind her in the first place. “You’re well aware that band leaders take on more public facing roles.”

She was desperately looking between her bandmates, “Guys?”

“I would love to, Bea, really, but I couldn’t possibly put that much choreography into memory.” Camila was avoiding her eyes, picking at something on her finger. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass us like that.”

“I’m not much of a court jester,” Lilith, on the other hand, made direct eye contact.

Yasmine and Mary were just quietly observing the exchanges, though she could tell they were sympathetic to her cause. “So, that’s it then?”

“Yes, we have agreed and this is what they want of us and you.” 

And that was that. The ride to rehearsal was deadly silent. Beatrice knew when to swallow it down, she knew whatever her feelings were towards this didn’t matter. The frustrating part was that she actually had to put her best foot forward and represent her band well. Suzanne and Levy left them at rehearsal and the topic was not brought up again.

Two days later Ava walked through the dance studio’s door wearing a nude skort, a tucked in white t-shirt with stripes along her chest and hair slightly longer than she remembered. And for some reason making a fool of herself on live television didn’t seem so bad after all.

Ava greeted some of the dancers and shook the choreographer's hand, she then took in the studio and spotted her. The smile that spread across Ava’s face was toothy and too contagious not to return. Beatrice stood from where she was sitting, and all at once became hyper aware of just how much sweat was probably on her person. Ava set on a straight path towards her and she was having an internal panic attack. 

She was crushed into a hug, “Fancy seeing you here.” Ava wiggled them in place for a few seconds before pulling away. “I thought you guys were just doing the three songs.”

It seems the Grammy’s did not have their shit together if this was news to Ava as well. “There was a last minute change, I think someone pulled out.”

“It was probably Chanel, she has commitment issues,” Ava was not at all phased by this apparently. Maybe Beatrice held these award shows in too high regard.

“Alright guys, now that Ava is here we can start to focus on the opening song.” The choreographer spoke, holding the remote control to the studio’s sound system. 

Beatrice was happy for the downtime now that Ava had arrived and the rest of the tribute could start taking shape. She wasn’t in the opening song, but stayed behind to watch as everyone took their places with Ava at the center. 

It was strange seeing Ava in person again after their time apart, whatever had transpired between them during the holidays just didn’t translate to the woman commanding such presence in front of her. The Ava she had grown to know was not who this Ava was.

Ava was so natural in this environment, even considering that she was learning all of this from scratch. At some point she was handed a serving tray prop covered in drinks and she spun around with it doing the choreography as if there was nothing to it.

The third day was Beatrice’s long day, both her and Ava arrived at the studio at the same time. Some of the dancers were already practicing the song with Ava watching them carefully. Beatrice joined along, already familiar with some of the moves. They started off moving like dolls bursting out of their storage boxes and then moved to more of the iconic moves of the song. Beatrice obviously feels the nostalgia coming in waves, remembering just how much she had watched this exact music video growing up.

The studio’s door opened, their choreographer came in followed by JC. Beatrice had met, or somewhat ran into him a couple of times by now at different festivals and events. He had been nice, a small chat here and there with not much commitment for more. He was basically the German Justin Bieber and barely on her music radar. He, like Ava, introduced himself around the room and then walked to the two of them. 

“Ava!” He greeted her, the hug far too long for Beatrice’s taste. 

“Hey, JC.” Ava pulled away, giving him a playful punch to the chest. “I guess our Justin is here, huh? Where’s the noodle hair?” She laughed, somewhat teasing. It seemed they both knew each other.

“Can you imagine!” He joined along with Ava’s laughter. 

“JC, this is our JC, Beatrice.” Ava introduced them and Beatrice didn’t think to correct her.

“Oh, we’ve met! I think maybe a year ago in Glasgow.” Ava’s eyes shifted between them.

Beatrice nodded, “That’s right, a festival I think.” Honestly, she was surprised that he even remembered their conversation.

The music went off across the studio, no doubt the choreographer trying to get their attention. 

The rest of rehearsal consisted of Beatrice and JC going back and forth between their parts with Ava just dancing along with the background dancers. Turns out that learning this before today meant nothing because JC was dancing circles around her within a few minutes, that’s not to say that Beatrice wasn’t holding her own because she was, but she was not used to singing and dancing. She had done ballet for years, she knew she had the stamina, but this was another monster and an angry sorta bubble was forming. 

At some point JC took off his shirt which was equal parts alarming and annoying, everyone was distracted and everyone’s distraction was throwing her. Ava had completely caught up at this point as well, further adding to her incompetence. 

It was her part again now, she shifted to the center and got slapped in the ass, “Let’s go, Bea!” Ava was to her right, hair stuck on her face from all the sweating that was happening. Her voice came through the held microphone, the booty tap far too encouraging. And the rest just flowed out of her somehow, even the ad libs and sustained notes. 

The fourth day is another band day, they’re at the venue now, all set up on the moving platform. The stages around them are starting to take shape and various people are moving around the arena setting up. The music director is busy talking with the stage director and stage hands as everything around them continues to shift.

“Ladies, start with some warm ups, I’ll be done in a few minutes,” The musical directors paused the conversation long enough to address them. 

They’re just going through their songs today and deciding on the presentation. Ava will be taking part in one of the songs. She’s with them now just as background vocals along with Lilith and Camila. 

“So, what will it be?” Beatrice ventures, turning to her bandmates and Ava, who has found a spot by Camila directly behind Beatrice on her right. They usually start warm ups with some of their favourite oldies. 

“Ava should pick since it’s her first time.” Camila said, messing with her keyboard’s synths.

“Pick what?” 

“A song to warm up to. It’s gotta be an oldie but goodie,” Yasmine spoke up, already creating a beat with her kickdrum.

“Alright.” Ava thought for a moment her eyes moving across the small stage to all the members. Then, she leaned and whispered into Camila’s ear. 

“Oooh that’s a really good one,” Camila said while grabbing the tambourine beside her and handing it to Ava. “Start us off.”

“And what? You’ll just know?”

“We’ll know.”

Ava bounced the instrument a couple of times finding the rhythm and then Camila joined, the melody already obvious enough for the rest of the instruments to join along. Beatrice faced her bandmates before her voice combined along as well.

I need love, love to ease my mind

I need to find, find someone to call mine

But mama said you can't hurry love

No you just have to wait

She said love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take

Camila pushed her microphone to Ava, gesturing with scrunched up nose and lips. Beatrice kept the song going, also pointing at the microphone for Ava to join. And when she eventually did, the whole song transformed the stage as the band jammed along together. It was their tradition for a reason, it brought them back to what they loved about music. Music to them was timeless and a joy they all shared together. In a space like this it held them together and she was happy to share in the moment with Ava as well.

No love, love don't come easy

But I keep on waiting, anticipating for that

Soft voice to talk to me at night

For some tender arms to hold me tight

An energy took over the arena as they played, background dancers sitting along the stage stood and danced, unable to avoid the song's infectious harmony. Ava smiled in her direction and Beatrice’s heart no longer beat to the rhythm of the song, but to something else entirely. 

When mama said

You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

She said trust, give it time

No matter how long it takes

You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

She said love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take

It was late. Beatrice doesn’t know what time exactly. They had been going over the routines, blocking, and outfit changes for hours at this point. JC was on the main stage doing his solo, which was also the ending number and she had lost track of Ava. Beatrice was sitting by a far wall with a really lovely and attractive background dancer who had taken the opportunity to strike up a conversation.

She was nodding along with the other woman, keeping the conversation amicable and flowing, but she was tired. She was sure there had been some flirty lines, but they had barely even cycled through her weary mind. 

Ava suddenly sat beside her, something she only noticed because there was small huff while she did it. She took a swig of her water bottle and then passed her hand across her lips wiping them, she had the tiniest frown on her face as she looked between Beatrice and the dancer. 

Before Beatrice even thought of opening her mouth to greet her, Ava swatted her right leg, and by pure instinct her body worked out what Ava wanted. She placed her leg down and Ava lowered herself onto her thigh, wiggling a couple of times to find the best angle for her head.  

Ava didn’t say anything at all, she just popped in her earphones and closed her eyes. 

After a few minutes, the dancer was called away for another round of rehearsals and Beatrice just sat and watched Ava as her chest moved up and down, her breathing was even but she wasn’t asleep. Her arms rested comfortably on her tummy and that’s when Beatrice spotted it, the hair tie she had given her all those months back, and she knew it was hers because she was currently wearing the other pair. On Ava’s wrist was her missing jade flower hair tie. 

Several thoughts went through her head. One, the practical, sensible part of her concluded that it was just a hair tie and its use was currently to keep Ava’s hair off her face while they practiced. Two, the side of her that knew better and that always strategised immediately caught onto the fact that she had not seen Ava use the hair tie at all. And third, the hopeful side of her was willing it to mean more than just being a simple object with a singular purpose. 

Her hand reached for it, she couldn’t help herself. She twirled the small flower in her fingers, her thoughts probably accelerating past several countries' speed limits. It took a moment, but Ava’s breathing changed and then her other hand passed along Beatrice’s wrist reaching for something and when she found it, Ava gave her amber flower tie a twist of her own. 

The silence stretched for a few seconds and Beatrice could feel with the tips of her fingers Ava’s pulse quicken. 

What the fuck?

–

Tuna. The meal prepared for them was tuna sandwiches. It was dress rehearsals and they were once again having tuna sandwiches. This was the Grammys! Beatrice looked from the offensive meal back to her bandmates, they were all happily eating it, but of course they didn’t have to suffer five days of it. 

“Tuna, tuna, tuna," Ava materialised by her side, also giving the tuna sandwiches a grimace. She continued the tune, “Tuna, tuna, tuna.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” She joined, adding a separate tune on top, “No, no, no more tuna, no, no, no more tuna.”

“I don’t want tuna no more.” 

“No, no, no more tuna.”

“I don’t want tuna no more"

“No, no, no more tuna.”

“No more!”

The fit of laughter and giggles that overtook them was enough to get everyone’s attention from the backstage area. Ava’s hand came to her mouth shutting in the cackle that escaped when Beatrice realised just how loud they had been. Camila raised one eyebrow in their direction, eventually waving them towards the other band members.

Everything so far has been going according to plan. Ava had somehow perfected her thirty second outfit change from a neon green halter top and waist hugging pants to a beautifully brooding black lace dress with a high cinched waist and flowing floor length bell sleeves. They were all hitting their cues, the band was flawlessly executing every song, and Beatrice had not eaten the moving stage yet, which was going to prove to be painfully difficult during one of their numbers.

–

The morning of the Grammys Beatrice is stressed, but not because in just a few hours she’ll be performing live to millions of people, no, but because she is currently in an endless queue to get Hadestown tickets for Ava. She had set her phone’s alarm to wake her exactly twenty minutes before tickets went on sale and that was at 4 AM in the morning. It is now 7 AM. 

Camila had made several angry noises from the bed next to her throughout the early morning, which was understandable given that she all but blasted her with an alarm and scrambled out of bed several times to grab her card details, eat a protein bar and grab her glasses, all in that order and all on separate occasions.

How in the world could there possibly still be 16,000 people in the queue? She wasn’t even sure that many people combined liked musical theater. And she wasn’t a quitter, never has been, but the lack of restful sleep was going to bite her in the ass later, she was sure. 

Beatrice sighed loudly, pulling the bed sheets off and thudding all the way to their room door.

“What now!” Camila all but growled as she left the room.

It took too many knocks for Yasmine to finally open the door to her room. She rubbed her eyes, barely registering the person in front of her. “I thought we were getting up at eight.”

“Did you get Hadestown tickets?” Beatrice held the phone close to Yasmine’s face who blinked a couple of times adjusting to the brightness. “They were meant to go on sale hours ago and I’ve been sitting in the queue and nothing has changed.” Beatrice wasn’t frantic often, but when she was she knew everyone avoided her at all costs. Yasmine unfortunately had nowhere to run. 

“Who is it?” Mary’s voice came from within the room.

“It’s Beatrice, she's asking about musical theater tickets.”

“Beatrice doesn’t like musicals.”

“YES! Yes, I do. Absolutely love them.” She knew she was giving crazy. “With their whimsical dancing and emotional power vocal ME songs!” She pushed the phone to Yasmine’s face again, “Now, Yasmine please tell me how I can get my hands on a bloody ticket.”

“I left a bot running on my phone overnight, I haven't checked yet.” Yasmine procured the device from her pajama pants. “Yes, it seems it was able to pick up a few tickets. I usually like to go to several performan–”

“How much do you want for two of them?”

Yasmine smiled. 

Beatrice was scared.

[thevisualvamp]

Street art is sexy

[waltfrasescazadordepalabras]

Soy vanidosa, déspota, blasfema, Soberbia, altiva, ingrata, desdeñosa; pero conservo aún la tez de rosa. La lumbre del infierno a mi me quema. Es de cristal cortado mi sistema. Soy ególatra, fría, tumultuosa. Me quiebro frágil como mariposa. Yo misma he construido mi anatema. Soy perversa, malvada, vengativa. Es prestada mi sangre y fugitiva. Mis pensamientos son muy taciturnos. Mis sueños de pecado son nocturnos. Soy histérica, loca desquiciada; pero a la eternidad ya sentenciada

(Guadalupe Amor - Letanía de mis defectos)

[sinfonia-relativa]

Yo soy la mariposa de este efecto

Yo soy la mariposa de este cause de efectos

-Louisonrisas

[love-the-lyrics-and-you-too]

Preciosote..

Mi amor, si la vida nos lo permite, quiero que toda mi historia esté escrita a tu lado. Quiero que cada capítulo de mi existencia tenga tu nombre, tu risa, tu voz, tu esencia. Quiero que el amor que hoy sentimos se transforme en la base de todo lo que construiremos juntos, en la raíz de una vida llena de felicidad, pasión y entrega.

Porque no quiero un amor que dure unos años, ni una pasión efímera que se desvanezca con el tiempo. Quiero un amor que trascienda, que envejezca con nosotros, que nos haga mirarnos a los ojos cuando seamos viejitos y aún nos haga sentir mariposas en el estómago. Quiero que cuando la vida nos ponga pruebas, recordemos este momento, esta promesa silenciosa de que pase lo que pase, siempre encontraremos el camino de vuelta el uno al otro.

Quiero despertar a tu lado cada día, sentir tu respiración tranquila mientras duermes y poder besarte la frente antes de levantarme. Quiero que, en las mañanas, cuando aún estés entre sueños, me busques con tus manos y me abraces sin decir una sola palabra, solo porque me sientes, porque sabes que aquí estaré siempre. Y cuando abras los ojos, lo primero que veas sean los míos, llenos de amor, llenos de ternura, llenos de la promesa de un día más juntos.

Un hogar lleno de amor

Sueño con el día en que construyamos nuestro hogar. No hablo solo de paredes y un techo, sino de un espacio donde cada rincón tenga nuestra historia, donde cada objeto tenga un significado especial. Quiero que nuestra casa huela a café por las mañanas, a flores frescas en la primavera, a canela en el invierno. Quiero que las risas sean el sonido que más se escuche en esas habitaciones, que las discusiones siempre terminen con abrazos, que cada día tenga un momento solo nuestro, sin importar lo ocupados que estemos.

Quiero las pequeñas cosas del día a día. Que te duermas en el sillón mientras vemos una película y yo te tape con una manta. Que te robe tu ropa para dormir con ella porque huele a ti. Que algunos días cocine para ti y otros seas tú quien me sorprenda con un plato improvisado. Quiero que me pidas que te consienta después de un día pesado, que me abraces cuando el mundo te abrume, que me mires con esos ojos que me derriten y me hagas sentir que soy la persona más afortunada del mundo por tenerte.

Un futuro donde tú y yo seamos uno

Si la vida nos permite la oportunidad de formar una familia, quiero un niño inquieto y tierno que se parezca a ti. Quiero verlo correr por la casa con tu misma energía, con tus mismos ojos llenos de luz, con esa sonrisa traviesa que tanto amo. Quiero verlo trepar a la cama en las mañanas para despertarnos con besos, quiero que nos haga reír con sus ocurrencias, quiero que crezca viéndonos amarnos, para que aprenda desde pequeño lo que significa un amor bonito, sano y eterno.

Quiero que seas ese papá increíble que sé que serás, que le enseñes todo lo que sabes, que le muestres el mundo con la misma pasión con la que me lo muestras a mí. Quiero que juguemos juntos con él, que lo arropemos por las noches, que le contemos historias antes de dormir. Quiero verlo aferrarse a ti con ese amor incondicional que solo un hijo puede sentir por su padre, y en ese momento, enamorarme aún más de ti, si es que eso es posible.

Y en las noches, cuando nuestro pequeño duerma y la casa quede en silencio, quiero que volvamos a ser solo tú y yo. Quiero que me tomes entre tus brazos y me hagas sentir que, aunque el tiempo pase y la vida cambie, la pasión entre nosotros nunca se apaga.

Ser solo tuya, para siempre

No hay otras manos que imagine sobre mi cuerpo que no sean las tuyas. No hay otros labios que puedan recorrerme de la forma en que tú lo haces, encendiendo mi piel con cada beso, con cada susurro, con cada roce. No hay otro cuerpo en el que quiera perderme, en el que quiera refugiarme, en el que quiera sentirme viva.

Porque cada vez que me tocas, el mundo se desvanece. No existe el tiempo, no existe el ruido, solo existimos tú y yo, enredados en un juego de suspiros, de caricias, de deseo desbordado. Tu piel y la mía conversan en un lenguaje que solo nosotros entendemos, un idioma hecho de gemidos ahogados, de respiraciones entrecortadas, de miradas llenas de fuego.

Quiero que algunas noches, cuando el deseo nos gane, me tomes con esa intensidad que me hace temblar. Quiero que me hagas tuya una y otra vez, que me muerdas los labios, que me recorras con tus manos, que me susurres al oído cuánto me amas. Quiero que el deseo se mezcle con el amor, que cada beso sea una promesa, que cada caricia sea un juramento de que nunca nos cansaremos de explorarnos.

Quiero entregarme a ti una y otra vez, sin reservas, sin miedos, con la certeza de que tú eres el único hombre que puede conocerme en todas mis facetas, en mis luces y mis sombras, en mis deseos más profundos y mis emociones más puras.

Una promesa eterna

Mi amor, si la vida nos lo permite, quiero todo contigo. No quiero solo el ahora, quiero el mañana, el después, el siempre. Quiero las aventuras y la rutina, las risas y las lágrimas, los días buenos y los difíciles. Quiero crecer a tu lado, aprender de ti, apoyarte en cada sueño y ser tu refugio en cada tormenta.

Quiero que cuando seamos viejitos, me sigas tomando de la mano con la misma intensidad con la que lo has hecho. Que sigas mirándome con esos ojos llenos de amor, que sigamos encontrando en cada día una razón para sonreír.

Porque tú eres mi presente, pero también mi futuro. Porque en cada "te amo" que te digo, hay una promesa: la promesa de estar aquí, hoy y siempre, solo para ti David.

Te amo.

[lunearta]

▹𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃 - 𝙻𝚄𝙽𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙰◃

© 𝘕𝘰 𝘦𝘴𝘵á 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘢 𝘭𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢.

⌜💌¡𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄-𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐘 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐒!⌟

• GUÍA DE ADVERTENCIAS: - Contenido Sexual (Smut) -> Ⓢ - Contenido P. Mentales (Ansiedad, depresión) -> Ⓐ/Ⓓ - Contenido Violento (Peleas, V*lación, etc) -> Ⓥ - Contenido fluff -> Ⓕ - Contenido soez -> Ⓩ - Contenido Angst -> Ⓖ

↬ 𝗠𝗜𝗦 𝗢𝗕𝗥𝗔𝗦 ↫

𝘍𝘢𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘴/𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴/𝘰𝘯𝘦-𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘮á𝘴 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘴 𝘢𝘭 𝘨𝘳𝘶𝘱𝘰 𝘥𝘦 𝘬-𝘱𝘰𝘱 "𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺 𝘒𝘪𝘥𝘴". 𝘕𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘢 𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘰𝘴 𝘥𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢. 𝘌𝘴𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘰 ꜰɪᴄᴄɪóɴ.

𝙁𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝙏𝙀𝙓𝙏𝙎

"Te quiero" a gritos. ⒻⒼ

Primera vez - Inseguridades ⒶⒼⒻ

Imagina que... ⒶⓏⒻ

Yo te necesitaba... ⒼⓋⓏ -> Hyung Line | Maknae Line

Conversaciones random con tu novio vampiro ⒼⒻⒶ

¿Con quién harías un trío? | SKZ OT8 ⓈⒻⓏ

𝙊𝙉𝙀𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏𝙎

El Secreto del Vino | MAFIA X Oc (3.089 pal.) ⓋⓏⒻⒼ -> Léelo dando clic en: TUMBLR | Wattpad | AO3 | Inkitt

𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

Bailando entre lobos | Poly!Hibridos!Skz x Oc (Lis) ⓋⓏⒻⒼⒶⒹ -> ¡Pincha AQUÍ para ver la masterlist!

» Al límite. (749 palabras.) ⒶⒼ [𝘿𝙍𝘼𝘽𝘽𝙇𝙀] » Fuego. (1.278 palabras.) ⓈⒻ [𝙊𝙉𝙀-𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏] » Reaccionas a Chan en dominATE [Seoul Day] ⒻⓈ [𝙁𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝙏𝙀𝙓𝙏𝙎]

» Imagina... (594 palabras.) ⓈⒻ [𝘿𝙍𝘼𝘽𝘽𝙇𝙀]

» "GYM" a primera vista | (1.511 palabras) Ⓕ [𝙊𝙉𝙀-𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏]

» MARIPOSAS | (3.421 palabras) ⓈⒻ [𝙊𝙉𝙀-𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏]

» No soy yo | (2.447 palabras) ⒼⒶ [MINI-SERIE]

» Como amigos (1.377 palabras) Ⓕ [𝙊𝙉𝙀-𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏]

» Cuando encuentra tu "juguete" Ⓢ [𝙁𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝙏𝙀𝙓𝙏𝙎]

» Cree que te vas a estudiar fuera sin decírselo ⒻⒼ [𝙁𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝙏𝙀𝙓𝙏𝙎]

— ↺ 𝙄𝙧é 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙚 𝙫𝙖𝙮𝙖 𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙙𝙤. ↻ —

© LUNEARTA 2024. 𝘕𝘰 𝘦𝘴𝘵á 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘢 𝘭𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢.

[mujerconalasdemariposa]

Mujer con alma de mariposa 🦋 Camina confiada en aquel que te llamo y te escogio...

Porque cuando caminas de la mano del Padre todo lo que hagas dentro de su voluntad prosperará...

No mires las veces que has caminado por veredas que han hecho que tus pasos tropiecen...

Mira a aquel que depósito una palabra de bendición a tu vida y hoy te dice: esfuerzare y se valiente no temás ni desmayes; Porque Yo soy Jehová tu Dios y estaré contigo en donde quiera que tú vayas...

Mujer confía en esas promesas y pisa con firmeza, porque al final la Bendición de Dios te acompañará...

Buenas Tardes... Amén...DTBM.!! 🙌🦋🌼🍃

[enfermedadesinvisibles]

Esta soy yo...

Soy Beatriz Mariana Téliz Navarro, tengo 15 años y casi 4 años teniendo que aprender a sobrellevar los retos que conlleva vivir con una enfermedad crónica, pues nadie te enseña a cómo vivir con una condición así, especialmente una que “si no la veo no existe”. Esto me ha dificultado la posibilidad de llevar lo que muchos llaman "una vida normal".

Todo empezó en el año 2022, o quizá mucho antes...

En el año 2022, comencé a presentar algunos síntomas anormales. Me dormía a cada rato, y no hablo de esas siestas que uno siempre necesita, cuando me exponía directamente con la luz solar me aparecía una mancha roja en la cara en forma de mariposa, me dolían mis articulaciones, me sangraba a cada rato mi nariz, me salían moretones sin haberme pegado con algo, mis ojos se ponían amarillos o muy rojos, bajé muchísimo de peso, regresaba todo lo que comía, tenía fuertes dolores de estómago, se me caía el cabello, los dedos de mis manos se ponían de color rojo, me veía pálida, empecé a perder fuerza, y tenía dolores de cabeza. Todo esto preocupó a mis padres, por obvias razones y también porque son médicos. Creo pasé por todas las especialidades habidas y por haber, primero me llevaron a una gastroenteróloga, por los ojos amarillos y el dolor de estómago, pero descartó el síndrome de Gilbert y dijo era algo autoinmune. Pensando en que era algo autoinmune, me llevaron con una alergista e inmunóloga pediatra. La doctora me mandó a hacer una serie de estudios y con otros especialistas como oftalmología, para descartar uveítis, cardiología, nefrología, hematología, por los moretones, y neurología para tener un panorama amplio y completo de todo lo que pasaba con mi cuerpo.

Año 2023, aún sin un diagnóstico definido...

Se me mandaron a hacer algunos estudios por parte de la gastroenteróloga por el tema de que regresaba los alimentos y también por el dolor estomacal, fui diagnosticada con esofagitis y gastroparesia. Se me empezó a dar tratamiento, esteroides, para controlar mis síntomas mientras hallaban lo que tenía. Se me tenía diagnosticada con un probable LES (lupus eritematoso sistémico), pues no reunía todos los criterios. Después fui con otras especialidades como nutriología, para checar lo de mi peso, y endocrinología para checar que todo fuera marchando mejor. En ese entonces, junto con la inmunóloga y la gastroenteróloga llevaban mi diagnóstico. Tenía citas médicas cada semana, era muy agotador. Se me mandaron a hacer estudios de perfil tiroideo para descartar hipertiroidismo, pues además de la pérdida de peso empezaba a presentar otros síntomas como empezar a tener mucha hambre, sudaba más de lo normal, tenía dificultad para dormir, mis manos temblaban todo el tiempo, entre otros que apuntaban a este otro diagnóstico. Después fui a un ortopedista, pues la articulación de mi cadera me dolía, era como si estuviera aporreada pero no, me dijo estaba inflamada, tenía un poco de líquido. Me acuerdo muy bien que la navidad de ese año me había dormido y al despertarme para prepararme para la cena no me pude levantar, era como si tuviera mil rocas encima que evitaban que me levantara.

Año 2024, un año lleno de hospitalizaciones...

A principios del año del 2024, específicamente el día 20 de febrero, fui ingresada al hospital, por un dolor abdominal incontrolable, con náuseas que llegaban al vómito, con fiebre de hasta 39ºC, y egresada el 24 de febrero. Se me ingresa nuevamente el 1 marzo, para realizarme una angiografía que reportó el diagnóstico de Vasculitis sistémica (poliarteritis nodosa), y egresé el 5 de marzo. Asistí con una genetista, y dermatóloga por el tema de mi piel. Con el paso sentía debilidad en mis extremidades, sobre todo en las inferiores, a tal punto que no las sentía o me temblaban mucho. Para esto el neurólogo me solicitó hacerme un examen de conducción nerviosa y me diagnosticaron con neuropatía periférica. Después, el día 12 de julio fuí ingresada nuevamente al hospital por fuerte dolor abdominal, diarrea, fiebre de hasta 40ºC, aftas bucales, edema en labio inferior y en zona maxilar, y dolor intenso de articulaciones. En el transcurso de mi estadía se me hicieron diversos estudios en donde concluyeron que tenía una neumonía derecha. Y estando estable y en tratamiento, me administraron inmunoglobulina, se me dió de alta el día 16 de julio. Después ese mismo día empecé con un fuerte dolor torácico y me costaba respirar por lo que me ingresaron nuevamente al hospital.  El día 26 de julio fui egresada del hospital, ya estando estable y en tratamiento. Estuve asistiendo a consultas de control. Junto con las doctoras inmunóloga y reumatóloga y los resultados de unos estudios, afirmaron que, por fin, también tenía LES. Empecé a presentar síntomas como visión borrosa, y manchas negras. Mi mama, es neuroradiología, me hizo una resonancia de cerebro y de órbitas y salí que tenía una neuropatía óptica bilateral. Asistí con el oftalmólogo y me mandó a hacer un estudio de campos visuales para ver que tan dañado está mi nervio óptico.

Año 2025, un nuevo año lleno de esperanzas...

Empieza un nuevo año y los doctores se han decidido por seguir con el tratamiento y también pasarme medicamento por via intravenosa. Al parecer el medicamento funciona pues hasta ahora todos los malestares han disminuido moderadamente.

[kostvrnaia]

hola soy yo de nuevo :$ me toca hacer post aparte pero bueno, les traigo a sveta y sus posibles conexiones jej lo típico si le dan like al post etc etc les prometo q ahora no me voy a olvidar de revisar las reacciones / likes; también si les interesa esta tonta pueden dejarme un mensajito por discord (brontesque). eso xoxo

svetlana "sveta" ilyinichna kostornaia. 4 de octubre, 1998. periodista, major en periodismo con un minor en filosofía en pomona. formulario y tablero.

cupo a3, las que encontraron a amelia. . . última en beber de la botella de absenta y romperla lo cual hace que herida apenas cicatrizando de pacto de círculo se abra y la sangre se mezcle con aquella encontrada en el camino, esto auxilia a que la investigación se entorpezca, obtiene el favor del círculo a cambio. 

— tldr: es hija ilegítima de un oligarca ruso, así que los daddy issues are strong with this one. si bien su papá se hizo cargo de ella en términos económicos y hubo un intento por hacerla parecer parte de la familia, sveta siempre fue súper consciente de que no lo era y que en el fondo no la querían cerca, cosa que confirmó cuando la mandaron a ella y a su mamá a estados unidos.

— es una mariposa social y en pomona era conocida como la típica valedictorian buena onda, aunque otros también la trataban de frígida porque también es muy estricta. se mantenía al margen de la mayoría de los dramas y si la involucraban en algo era contra su voluntad lmao. por lo mismo a veces la pasan a llevar, porque es una tipa muy chill y kind-hearted (allegedly).

— vive con el miedo recurrente de que sus conocidos y la gente con la que se codeó en pomona descubra todo su temita familiar. la ventaja de que su papá se desentendiera de ella mandándola a otro país es que allí no se conoce el escándalo asociado a sveta y pudo empezar de cero, pero bueno, es la era de internet así que nunca se sabe, en especial ahora que sveta es medio una niche internet celebrity (muy niche, tho).

— fundó la revista en la que trabaja actualmente con dos colegas de su primer empleo y les va bastante bien (think rookie magazine en su peak). sus lazos con el círculo son lo que la ayudó a sacarla adelante.

posibles conexiones.

amistades cercanas. si bien fue muy sociable en pomona y tenía varias amistades casuales, tenía uno o dos amigues con los que era muy, muy cercana. algo así como el grupito insignia, era raro ver a uno sin el otro. probablemente sean los únicos que sepan al menos un poquito del tema de sveta y su papá. el contacto perduró incluso después de la graduación universitaria, aunque el lazo de a poco se fue deteriorando por la distancia y porque cada uno fue haciendo su vida lejos de pomona.

amistades casuales. las amistades por encima, personas con las que sveta se llevaba bien y salía de vez en cuando pero que quedaron reducidas a su vida en pomona y ya. también son las amistades de fiesta. no han vuelto a verse ni a hablar desde los días universitarios.

ex-novio. fue una relación un poco inestable y algo tóxica quizás, de esas en donde se notaba que una parte tenía ventaja sobre la otra. terminó de forma medio caótica y sveta medio que no lo superó por años, es el ex al que le mira el ig de vez en cuando. cuando la relación terminó, nunca más volvieron a hablarse y quedaron igual asuntos sin resolver ahí.

miscélaneo. gente a la que sveta le hizo tutorías, compañeros de proyectos grupales, enemistades, situationships y hook-ups casuales, lo que sea de su cariño.