#yo one of you guys asked when i was gonna write more for lin

[chaoticallysapphic]

just a scratch

summary: You were always the hero, always the one protecting those around you. So who could be surprised by your honorable death?

a/n: I woke up this morning literally thinking "why not write a death fic," so here you guys go. Here's your Lin fic. I came up with this idea like two days into having this blog and it’s inspired by this art. 

word count: 3k

When you were little your favorite books were those of heroes. Of great adventures and love so profound it would be talked about for centuries to come. The ones now collecting dust on the third to last shelf on your bookcase, the mahogany one situated between your desk and cedar bookcase, is where you place your favorites. 

A recurring theme in them all is self-sacrifice. Loving someone sometimes requires that and you knew if the time ever came, you'd do it all for her. A life without her is not one you could live through, a world without her is dark and full of monsters and crime. Not only would you do it for your own selfish reasons but because she was so important to other people as well. The death of Lin Beifong is the day the heart of Republic City stops beating. 

If you had to choose a way to go, it would be protecting those you love. And if Lin's life was on the line, then you knew it had to be you.

There are a million scares that have happened in the last few years, ever since Korra arrived the number of times you were jumping in front of her was too many to count. After the fourth, after you pushed her aside so Amon would take your bending, she'd all but screamed at you for hours while holding you, scared to let you go. Despite the emptiness seeming to fill you up like a ship sinking, it was worth it. 

After you got it back Lin didn't let you out of her sight for weeks, suddenly you were trailing after her like a lost puppy. You understand her need to have you nearby and you didn't mind, who could mind the company of Lin? 

One night sometime after the eighth time, Lin notices those books on the third to last shelf. She's read one or two and casually asks you how the others end. In your hands is a new one just as heartbreaking and morbid as the others. You don't realize the dots connecting for her whilst you happily ramble on about them, mentioning how you read your first one in the library at the age of seven. 

“I mean it's what you do for love and it's so-” 

“No you stay alive for love so you can live out the rest of your life with them,” her voice is firm as she grips one of those favorites of yours. You frown, slowly closing the one you're currently reading. 

“Well it's not like you'd just do it for anything, it's to protect the one you love.” 

Over the next few years, Lin's heart almost stops a million times as you keep protecting her. She tries to get you to stay in Republic City when she goes off to protect Korra but your stubbornness somehow beats Lin's. 

That break-in at Zaofu solidifies it for you. Lin slips off with Suyin, so they can propel from the ceiling to save Korra. She makes sure you're distracted before sneakily racing off. When you turn around to check on Lin she's gone. She's gone and as you whip your head around to look for her there isn't a trace of where she went. 

You know you're being selfish, that you should push this panic and fear down to help save Korra but you can't. You need to know where she is, people are yelling at you as you continuously turn, hoping to spot her. You don't notice how the combustion bender has turned to you. Your vision is blurring, you need to find her, and little do you know she's watching from above with her heart in her throat as P'li smirks before taking aim. 

The sound her bending makes has you whipping around. Your eyes widen at the bolt of fire shooting towards you, frozen in place. This is not how you want to go down, you’ve had an unhealthy obsession with how you’d leave this world from a young age and this was not it. In the last second before your life ends two arms wrap around your waist as a body slams into you. You fall to the floor with a loud thud and a pained moan as your head smacks against the concrete. The bolt of fire whizzes past the two of you as it burns through a bush. 

The woman above you isn’t Lin. It’s some guard with black hair and a mole under her eye and you can only half make out what she's saying, partially due to the concussion you now suffer from but also from the icy fear that has encased you. Little do either of you know that by Kuvira saving you, your fate has been placed in her hands for another day.

She’s asking if you're okay, by now Lin has saved Korra and the intruders have vanished. She knows your importance to the Beifong family. Kuvira helps pull you up into a sitting position, she watches you wince from the pain, your eyes squeezed shut. There’s a small spot of blood on the ground, and so she checks behind your head and finds a small cut. 

Lin has given Korra to Suyin, bolting to where she sees you hunched over while Kuvira cleans the cut for you. You don’t hear or notice her coming, the only indication is when her arms slip around you as she pulls you against her body so tight it feels like the air is being squeezed out of you. 

“What the fuck was that?” She chokes out between sobs. You slowly wrap your arms around your lover as you suddenly begin to feel tired. 

“I couldn’t find you.” 

After Zaheer when your life quiets down just a smidgen, Lin proposes. She found the ring at a jewelry store in Zaofu the day after you almost died and knew. You become a blubbering mess, it’s entirely unattractive as there’s snot mixing with tears but you rapidly nod as you choke out “yes.” 

A year later you get married and the day is nothing short of a fairy tale. Everything is perfect as you sway to the song with your wife's arms wrapped around your waist. Everyone watches as you both lovingly stare into each other's eyes. Lin thinks that it’ll be calmer now and you’ll be safe. You're her wife and you love her and you're safe. 

You think back on that day often with a fond smile, the cake you smeared across her face and the scowl she sported directly after. How she then cupped your cheeks in her hands, so she could rub the cake off onto you. There are two photo albums worth of photographs from that day and in almost every single one you both stare at each other in this way that feels so intimate. If a stranger took a look they’d be able to tell just how much you loved one another. 

Lin’s been given her happily ever after, those two years that follow are blissful. You open up a bookstore near your apartment, and she forces herself to come home at a reasonable time every night, so she can enjoy your company before you head off to bed. You settle into a routine that neither of you mind, all Lin cares about is that you're safe and you're happy. 

Some people (like Suyin) say it’s almost sickening how much you two love each other but Lin just thinks that’s because she's jealous of not having this kind of heartwarming, never-ending love. Everyone knows her marriage has dulled into one of convenience, and she’s never almost lost the love of her life as Lin has. It makes you cherish every moment in case it’s your last. 

That peace breaks when Kuvira comes to Republic City, her change in demeanor is shocking and her inability to hand over the Earth Kingdom saddens you. She saved your life and the woman in front of you is not the same one who pushed you out of the way all those years ago. Something in her eyes has twisted, she’s become jaded over time and you seem to be the only one who holds out hope. Even Suyin gives up on her. 

When Toph meets you she's nothing short of surprised. “Hi, I’m your daughter's wife, Y/n.” In the background, Bolin can see Lin rolling her eyes as she begins to walk away. You guys are on a mission, and she really doesn’t want you to make nice with her mother. 

But you do because you're you and when Lin snaps while everyone is quietly eating their flameo noodles you softly calm her down. Still, you look over your shoulder at the first metal bender and say “you may have raised the love of my life but you’ve done nothing for her since the day you left Republic City. If she doesn’t want to forgive you for abandoning her then that’s perfectly fine by me.” 

Your words remind Lin of the first time you met, how she was floored by your ability to bite back despite your otherwise quiet demeanor. You’d been this shy woman who bumped into her on your way out of a bookstore and when she went to scold you for not paying attention you stopped her in her tracks with one look alone. It may seem childish and stupid, cringe-worthy even, but she knew she had to marry you one day just with that look. 

The next morning you save the Beifongs along with Zhu Li, you can’t help but watch Kuvira twist around as she continues to try and take Suyin down. If you go up there, will she do the same? She probably doesn’t remember you but as your savior, you remember her. Lin pulls you onto Juicy and wraps her arms around you, she thought the action was over, that her fear of losing you would lessen but it’s back in full force. 

She tries to make you evacuate with the rest of Republic City and that stubbornness she loves rears its head as you put your foot down, claiming that you go wherever she does. 

It’s all a blur really, there’s so much to do and such little time as you all try and try again to take her down when finally a reprieve comes in the form of Hiroshi’s sacrifice. Inside you stick with the Beifong sisters as you all work to destroy the weapon whilst Korra tries to distract Kuvira. 

It’s a split second filled with too much to process. One second you succeed and destroy the ammunition and then the arm in which you're all in is being flung across the city. You push Lin and Suyin towards the wall, your wife bends metal around the two of them and tries to do the same for you but it’s flimsy as you're so far away and everything is moving so fast. The force of impact successfully knocks you out.

When you come to there're three things you notice. 

Number one: You are so cold and yet you can feel sweat beading down your forehead. 

Number Two: The metal wrapped around you is gone, it must have broken off from the impact. 

Number three: It feels like you can’t breathe, there’s something inside you and when you try to move a pained scream scraps up your throat, it sounds gurgled and wet as something warm drips from your lips. 

When you finally manage to open your eyes you notice that you aren’t in the arm anymore, with your blurry vision you can make out the faint shape of it against a broken building. There’s so much distorted noise around you. You can faintly make out your name being shouted and when you try to speak nothing comes out. 

You make a mistake in your painful haze, you try to move. It’s then you finally look down as another scream rips out of you, this one slightly quieter, and notice the steel rod sticking out of the upper half of your stomach. You know it’s stupid but the only thing you can manage to think of is ‘that’s not meant to be there.’

Lifting your arm up you try to find a source of water, maybe you can heal what's around you as you slowly pull yourself off, but your call goes unanswered. Your arm gives out and falls onto the jagged pieces of concrete that cut into your skin but your brain is too focused on the pain in your stomach. 

Where is she? Is she okay? Will this pain have been worth it? You don’t know, you're alone and you know what’s about to happen and you're alone. In all the visions you had of saving her, the last thing you saw was her. But now it’s the dilapidated storefront that must have been broken in the collision as you lay where a wall once used to stand. The ceiling is moldy and only half of it is still intact. You don’t even get to see the sun at the end. 

Just as you're about to close your eyes to try and think of happy memories to go out on, you faintly hear someone say in a voice full of sorrow and desperation “No… No, no, no!” 

This site right here is Lin’s worst nightmares all wrapped into one. There’s so much blood pooling underneath you as it drips down the broken concrete of the building. You're pale, so pale she thinks you almost look like a ghost and blood drips from your mouth. 

She surges forward and falls to her knees, the bricks and rocks cut into her pants as pain sears through her legs, but she doesn’t care nor notice. All she notices is how your eyes are closed and how you're shivering in the middle of summer. Two warm hands cup your cheek, bringing you out of your pleasant memory of your wedding day as you open your eyes. A pair of bright green eyes stare down at you, she looks so scared. 

“Lin…” You wheeze out. She shakes her head as she begins to sob. You feel so tired, so weak and if you had the energy it’d anger you but you can’t find it in you to care anymore. She’s here and you can see her eyes, her beautiful face and you know that what you’ve just done to protect her and Suyin was worth it. If not for you pushing her out of the way she would have fallen out of the arm and you’d be the to find her amongst the rubble. 

“No you're fine, we’re gonna get you a heal- Korra can heal you it’s fi-” she’s stumbling over her words as she tries to wipe the blood off your face, it just smears the red liquid down your cheek and onto your neck. You shake your head. 

“I love you…” 

“Stop it, don’t say that you’ll be fine. You are going to live.” 

“Please say it back…” You know you won’t live, no one will find you in time and you’ve lost too much blood. It’ll happen any second now and you want to hear it one more time. 

“I’m not ready for this… You’re meant to grow old with me…” She sobs out. “You’re meant to live.” 

“Please Lin…” you stop as you cough up more blood. It’s close. “I’m scared, please jus-” 

“I love you, I-” she gently rests her forehead against your own, your skin is like ice now, “love you.” Lin feels so warm and comforting, you want to lean forward to wrap yourself around her but you can’t. 

 Tragedy struck within a matter of seconds. Life deemed her unworthy of a happy ending. 

The shivering that let her know you were still there stops. She’s too scared to open her eyes afraid of what she might find. Maybe if she keeps them closed you’ll come back. You were like a cat with nine lives and surely you had one left. She doesn’t know how long she sits there leaning over your lifeless body with her hands cradling your face and forehead against your own, her back begins to hurt from the position, but she does not move an inch.

Everyone is looking for the two of you. They’ve won, victory is finally theirs and everyone can rest easy now with the great uniter being dragged by Suyin and Korra. Lin left the second the blast had cleared, screw victory all she cared about was you and Suyin was worried by the quietness of the streets, by the fact that neither of you came stumbling out of an alley with your hands all over each other as relief radiates from you. 

It’s eerily silent as they turn down that fateful street Suyin and Lin woke up in, and she spots something out of the corner of her eye. A broken storefront that was slightly concealed by a large chunk of concrete. She sees the black of Lin’s suit and hears the faint whisper of someone murmuring something. 

Tossing the injured Kuvira towards Korra to fully support her, she races over to her sister. Everyone stops as they see what's transpiring. No one says a thing, breath being held as they make out Lin leaning over something. Even Kuvira watches because what else is there for her to do? 

Suyin stops a few feet behind her sister, her shoulders dropping when she sees a sight so tragic, so heartbreaking that even she begins to sob. Lin is too focused on you, she doesn’t even realize that she’s repeating something like a mantra, like some kind of prayer that will go unanswered. 

“You're going to be okay.” It’s all Lin can say, eyes still squeezed shut. Hesitantly, Suyin takes a step as she tries to stifle her cries. 

“Lin?...” 

She stills at her sister's voice, those same four words dying in her throat. Suyin braves another step and then one more before placing her hand on her sister's shoulder. She can see the blood now and there’s so much of it. It reminds her of the rushing river right outside of Zaofu. Lin tenses at the touch. 

“She’s fine.” Lin spits out and spirits it is such a useless lie. “She’s going to be fine.” Suyin grips her shoulder and pulls, in that moment of panic at being ripped from you her eyes finally open. You're so limp and without her hands to hold you, your face lulls to the side. Suyin finally spots the cause of your death with the detachment of Lin. Nothing could have saved you from that, not even if they found you immediately. Only spirit water could have fixed that and it’s too far away. 

“Lin…” Suyin starts as she continues to pull her away. Fear grips her so tightly she can’t control herself as she whips around to push her away. Her younger sister catches her arms before she can try to bend her away and Lin struggles to break free. Everyone sees you now.  

“Get off of me!��� She screams, her voice cuts through the air like a knife and neither of the sisters notices the display of grief behind them as every person who knows you understands the gravity of the situation. You were like a second mother to Korra, you made sure Mako was fed and healthy during his brief time staying at the station. When Bolin doubted his bending in Zaofu you cheered him on. 

You were everyone's ray of sunshine. No one knows what to do when the sun finally goes out. 

“She’s fine!” Suyin just nods as she pulls Lin into a tight hug. The chief wails as she finally begins to realize that you aren’t fine, that you won’t wake up. It settles into her bones and drags her down until she’s collapsing. Suyin struggles to hold her sister as she gently kneels for them. 

In her defeated, injured state, Kuvira remembers you. She remembers cleaning up the bit of blood from the back of your head, and she thinks ‘that’s too much for me to clean.’  The great uniter remembers the sob that left Lin when she barreled into you. The sound of her voice as she choked out “What the fuck was that?”

Lin can’t breathe, she feels her heart die with you as she wails into her sisters shoulder. The icy cold grips of grief latch onto her like a parasite and make itself a nest inside her now empty chest cavity.

That day victory is not what anyone on that street feels. The sunshine has vanished from this world and replaced it with darkness that’ll loom over everyone’s life for the rest of time.

That day is the day Lin Beifong truly dies.

[meepmoopfanfics]

you don’t get a win unless you’re playing the game: Daveed Diggs x Reader Chapter 3 Part 1

Your first instinct is to completely avoid Daveed at all costs for as long as you could. But your gut instinct was to immediately approach him. You had to look as comfortable as possible.

The only thing that could fix this was a stiff drink. You see Stephanie behind the bar notice you strutting confidently towards her.

“Oh shit… the BULLET’S HEEEEERE!”

Oh no. Not attention. Immediately you felt like Alexander Hamilton during My Shot when he goes into his “Am I talking to loud?” bar. All eyes were laser focused on you. Heads turned. In the corner of your eye you saw Daveed look from outside to towards the bar.

A few woos came from the party.

“Ayeeee!!!! The new firecracker!” You turn to see the Anthony Ramos approaching the bar as well.

“What’s up A?” You smiled so big your cheeks hurt. “I’m Y/N!”

Anthony dapped you up and you continued talking to him for a bit. You both ordered Old Fashions at the bar. He was extremely easy to talk to and he made you feel super comfortable. It was also nice to know he was not trying to approach you in any other way than friendship, since you knew him and Jazzy were lovers for eternity.

Then you hear footsteps running towards the bar. You see two hands grab Anthony from behind to squeeze his sides causing him to collapse into his barstool. You hear an infectious snort-laugh you’ve heard many times before!

“Come on Lin don’t even play!!” Anthony yelled playfully.

The man, the myth, the legend, Lin-Manuel was standing a foot away from you.

“You meet Y/N yet?” Anthony opened the floor for a conversation with the man who changed your life.

“It’s so so wonderful to meet you finally!” You blushed.

“You as well, Y/N! I heard you’re a kick ass dancer.”

“I don’t know about that but I’m loving what we’ve been learning so far!”

“Whatcha drinking?”

“Old Fashioned! Had to keep it stiff for such a big night.” You laughed nervously.

“Big night? Kid, this is nothin. Drink up, have fun, let loose! We’re your fam now. Make yourself at home, chica.”

Lin looks at you with fatherly love. He patted you on the back like he was taking you under his wing. Until he grabbed the side of your sweatshirt to pull it slightly out.

“Wait a minute… you and Diggs plan this?!” He said at a louder volume than the rest of the conversation.

Well fuck.

“Uh no… I mean… what?!”

“The hoodie! You guys are literally twinsies right now. I need a photo of this.”

You look over at Diggs who eyes met with Lin looking confused. Lin still grabbing your hoodie, he looks over at you. You felt your stomach drop as his mysterious dark eyes peered into your soul for the first time in your life.

“What, brah?” Diggs yelled over the music. He started heading in your direction.

Jesus Christ. You felt your body begin to shake again. You bite your tongue in order for you to keep your cool. You take a huge sip of your Old Fashioned and set it down.

“Diggs!!! You got matching fits with the bullet!!!” Lin points his fingers at your head.

Anthony laughs hysterically “Yeah man, you got competition over here!”

Diggs approaches in the coolest way. Just strutting over with ease right to you three. He places his drink down and leans against the bar after pushing up his hoodie sleeves to his elbows to reveal his watch. How could someone’s forearms be so attractive? And muscular? I mean they were FOREARMS!

Daveed sighs as he sees the issue. “Well shit. I don’t have a backup… Why you gotta make me look bad over here?!”

You realize that he’s literally talking to you. You have to respond to Daveed Diggs.

“I’m ahead of the game when it comes to sabotage.” You smirked and were happy with your response. Thankful you didn’t say anything stupid or fan girlish.

He shook his head as he smiled. His hair bouncing along with his movements. He turned to Lin. Then turned back to you.

“Watch yourself!”

“Maybe you should watch your drink.” I tell him as I see the bartender dump it out behind the bar thinking it was finished. You took your last sip of your Old Fashioned and handed the glass to the bartender after he was done clearing out Diggs’ drink.

Daveed shrugged “There’s plenty more where that came from. Would the bullet like another?”

“Of course. And it’s Y/N, by the way.” He smiled. His teeth were something you’ve only seen in photoshopped Crest ads. He shook your hand warmly. His grip strong, sending shivers down your spine.

“Daveed. But you can call me Diggs.”

He turns to Lin. “Why do all the bullets gotta be such damn firecrackers?”

“Like what you see, D?” Anthony said loudly and slurring. You could tell he’d been drinking for a bit.

“Man if you don’t shut yo mouth..” Diggs pushed Ant playfully.

“I’m just playin! I’m just playin!” Ant dusted off his shoulders. “I’m gonna go find Jazz.” He got up and bounced away, looking for his love.

“Be careful with this one, Y/N,” Lin said as he whispered leaning into you, “He’ll ruin your life.”

You couldn’t help but whisper, “I’d gladly let him ruin my life.” back. Shoot… hopefully Lin would take that more flirtatiously than seriously.

“I see you. I see you. Have fun… make me proud.” Lin winked at you and gave your shoulder two pats before heading back out to the dance floor when Suavamente blasted through the speakers.

Daveed gripped two drinks, one old fashioned for you and one Moscow mule for him. He pushed yours over using the condensation to slide right into your palm. How could a guy make something so mundane so sexy?

“So, Y/N, where are ya from?”

“Massachusetts. In a town in the middle of no where. Suburbs-ish.”

“Oh cool, cool.”

“How about you?” You asked, playing stupid.

You can feel a person watching you, coming closer and closer and closer until you hear…

“BAY AREA BABYYYY”

Rafa’s back.

“Shit Rafa, you’re about to scare my new homie off… This is my friend Rafa, Rafa this is Y/N”

“BEST friend. Y/N I think I saw you on the street earlier! I saw you were wearing the same hoodie as Diggs and couldn’t help but wonder if you were heading where I was. And THANKFULLY you were. You really making him look bad right now. He needs to be knocked down a few pegs” He chuckled as he set down his Duane Reade bags filled with various random snacks, including neon colored gummy bears.

“Oh yeah, Oakland, right?”


“How’d you know?” Rafa said jokingly.

“I’ve seen Blindspotting once or twice.”

“Hell yeah you have!” Rafa smirked as he softly nudged Diggs in the arm.

“Sick gummy bears…” you said eyeing the Duane Reade plastic bag.

“Don’t you diss my bears like that!” Rafa screamed as he grabbed the gummy Beas out of the bag and held protectively. He ripped open the bag and immediately began throwing them into his mouth while singing along to Suavamente.

“He’s an idiot,” Daveed said looking straight into your eyes, super close to your face. You felt your pupils dilate and couldn’t help if he noticed. A moment of silence fell between the two of you as you just gazed into the newness of your blooming friendship.

A rush of blood flowed to your head. You felt some tension, but that was probably just on your end.

Suddenly Lin ran back like a bull moose in a china shop, unsurprisingly, breaking the eye contact. He was sweating from sambaing with the cast. Without hesitation, he pulled out his phone and yelled, “I FORGOT TO TAKE A TWINSIE PIC TO TWEET!”

He opens to phone as Rafa steps out of the frame. Diggs throws his arm over your shoulder and grabs his hoodie with the other hand to pull it out and show it off. You mimicked him. Your heart stopped. This was all going way too well. Almost a little too well to be true. He was such an OG. So sweet and chill. Slightly flirtatious but not overbearingly so.

You smirked without teeth to seem chill as well.

“What an addition to the cinnamon rolls you are, Y/N.” Lin squealed as he typed his tweet. You had no idea what he was gonna write and honestly would rather not know. You’d look after the party.

taglist: 

@alexander-hamilhoe

[whitejeweler]

Welcome to Music Monday when we bring you great songs with jewelry, gemstones or precious metals in the title or lyrics. Today, Alexander Hamilton sees himself as a “diamond in the rough” in “My Shot,” the rousing Act 1 hit from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s blockbuster Broadway show. Miranda famously portrays the 19-year-old founding father in a musical about young revolutionaries and their determination to rise up against the British. Hamilton on Broadway has grossed more than a half billion dollars.

In the first verse of the 5:34 rap, Miranda’s character knows he’s smart and well spoken, but acknowledges that he’s also young and a bit rough around the edges.

He sings, “I probably shouldn’t brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish / The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish / I gotta holler just to be heard / With every word, I drop knowledge! / I’m a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal / Tryin’ to reach my goal.”

The “young, scrappy and hungry” Hamilton vows to lead the charge against oppression, repeating throughout the song that he’s not going to throw away his shot at making a difference.

Although Hamilton opened on Broadway more than five years ago, the show recently earned a big boost and broader audience when Disney Plus released the Hamilton movie on its popular streaming service just before U.S. Independence Day. The offering spiked Disney Plus downloads by 752,000 over the July 4th weekend.

The Hamilton movie features the original cast and is essentially a “live” recording — using six cameras — of an actual Broadway performance.

In 2016, Hamilton earned a record 16 Tony nominations and won 11 awards, including Best Musical. The play also won the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Drama.

Despite the accolades, Miranda reminded fans that the show was “no overnight success.” It took the composer/lyricist/actor/singer seven years to write the play, including a full year of revisions to today’s featured song, “My Shot.”

Please check out the audio clip of Miranda and the cast of Hamilton performing “My Shot.” The lyrics are below if you’d like to sing along…

“My Shot” Written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Kejuan Waliek and Albert Johnson. Performed by Lin-Manuel Miranda and the original cast of Hamilton.

I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Hey yo, I’m just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry And I’m not throwing away my shot! I’m ‘a get a scholarship to King’s College I probably shouldn’t brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish I gotta holler just to be heard With every word, I drop knowledge! I’m a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal Tryin’ to reach my goal. My power of speech: unimpeachable Only nineteen but my mind is older These New York City streets get colder, I shoulder Every burden, every disadvantage I have learned to manage, I don’t have a gun to brandish I walk these streets famished

Ooh!

The plan is to fan this spark into a flame But damn, it’s getting dark, so let me spell out the name I am the

A-L-E-X-A-N-D E-R we are meant to be…

A colony that runs independently Meanwhile, Britain keeps shittin’ on us endlessly Essentially, they tax us relentlessly Then King George turns around, runs a spending spree He ain’t ever gonna set his descendants free So there will be a revolution in this century Enter me!

(He says in parentheses)

Don’t be shocked when your history book mentions me I will lay down my life if it sets us free Eventually, you’ll see my ascendancy

And I am not throwing away My shot (My shot) I am not throwing away My shot (My shot) Hey yo, I’m just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry And I’m not throwing away my shot (And I’m not throwing away my shot)

I am not throwing away my shot I am not throwing away my shot Hey yo, I’m just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry And I’m not throwing away my shot It’s time to take a shot!

I dream of life without a monarchy The unrest in France will lead to ‘onarchy? ‘Onarchy? How you say, how you say, oh, ‘Anarchy’! When I fight, I make the other side panicky With my

Shot!

Yo, I’m a tailor’s apprentice And I got y’all knuckleheads in loco parentis I’m joining the rebellion ’cause I know it’s my chance To socially advance, instead of sewin’ some pants! I’m gonna take a

Shot!

And but we’ll never be truly free Until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me (That’s right!) You and I. Do or die. Wait ’til I sally in On a stallion with the first black battalion Have another

Shot!

Geniuses, lower your voices You keep out of trouble and you double your choices I’m with you, but the situation is fraught You’ve got to be carefully taught: If you talk, you’re gonna get shot!

Burr, check what we got Mister Lafayette, hard rock like Lancelot I think your pants look hot Laurens, I like you a lot Let’s hatch a plot blacker than the kettle callin’ the pot… What are the odds the gods would put us all in one spot Poppin’ a squat on conventional wisdom, like it or not A bunch of revolutionary manumission abolitionists? Give me a position, show me where the ammunition is!

Oh, am I talkin’ too loud? Sometimes I get over-excited, shoot off at the mouth I never had a group of friends before I promise that I’ll make y’all proud

Let’s get this guy in front of a crowd

I am not throwing away my shot I am not throwing away my shot Hey yo, I’m just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry And I’m not throwing away my shot

I am not throwing away my shot I am not throwing away my shot Hey yo, I’m just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry And I’m not throwing away my shot

Everybody sing: Whoa, whoa, whoa (Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!) Hey! Whoa! (Whoa!) Wooh! Whoa! (Whoa!) Ay, let ’em hear ya! (Yeah!) Let’s go!

(Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!) I said shout it to the rooftops! (Whoa!) Said, to the rooftops! (Whoa!) Come on! (Yeah!) Come on, let’s go!

Rise up! When you’re living on your knees, you rise up Tell your brother that he’s gotta rise up Tell your sister that she’s gotta rise up

When are these colonies gonna rise up? When are these colonies gonna rise up? (Whoa!) When are these colonies gonna rise up? (Whoa!) When are these colonies gonna rise up? (Whoa!) Rise up!

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory When’s it gonna get me? In my sleep? Seven feet ahead of me? If I see it comin’, do I run or do I let it be? Is it like a beat without a melody? See, I never thought I’d live past twenty Where I come from some get half as many Ask anybody why we livin’ fast and we laugh, reach for a flask We have to make this moment last, that’s plenty

Scratch that This is not a moment, it’s the movement Where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went. Foes oppose us, we take an honest stand We roll like Moses, claimin’ our promised land And? If we win our independence? Is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants? Or will the blood we shed begin an endless Cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?

I know the action in the street is excitin’ But Jesus, between all the bleedin’ ‘n fightin’ I’ve been readin’ ‘n writin’ We need to handle our financial situation Are we a nation of states? What’s the state of our nation?

I’m past patiently waitin’. I’m passionately Smashin’ every expectation Every action’s an act of creation! I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow For the first time, I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow.

And I am not throwing away my shot I am not throwing away my shot Hey yo, I’m just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry And I’m not throwing away my shot

We’re gonna rise up! (Not throwing away my shot) Time to take a shot! We’re gonna rise up! (Not throwing away my shot) Time to take a shot! We’re gonna (Rise up! Rise up!) It’s time to take a shot! (Rise up! Rise up!) It’s time to take a shot! (Rise up!) (Rise up!) (Woooah!) It’s time to take a shot! (Rise up!) Take a shot! Shot! Shot! A-yo it’s time to take a shot! Time to take a shot! And I am not throwing away my Not throwing away my shot!

Credit: Screen capture via YouTube.com.

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[clarkgreggreporter]

The Reddit MarvelStudios AMA (Ask Me Anything) with Clark Gregg, May 16, 2017 (click here to read all the questions)

A: (out of sequence, so no question): Well, this week I'm really missing Bill Paxton and Powers Boothe because we lost them and they were both such excellent guys.

A: Missed a few questions there. I'll try to answer some. I love the MCU and love watching the movies and I miss my friends in those casts. That said, I am really proud of where we've gone with Agents of SHIELD and I love this bunch of actors and writers (and crew) as much as any I've ever worked with.

Q What upcoming MCU property are you looking forward to the most? Tahiti is a magical place! A: Anything with Adam Warlock and that may have just been teased in GOTG2

Q Do you have any stories and/or favourite memories of working with the late Bill Paxton? Thanks! A: So many. Just the big grin he'd show up with every day and say, "Bud-dy..." Just a great guy and a wonderful actor/filmmaker with more stories than anyone I've ever met.

Q: What is your favourite MCU movie? A: Pretty damn psyched for Captain Marvel especially with the amazing Brie Larson

Q: Hi! Thank you so much for being SO awesome. In Avengers, when Coulson has been stabbed by Loki and gets to shoot him with the massive gun, he says "oh, that's what that does". What do you wish that gun had done? A: Gone off on its own a minute earlier.

Q: Hi! Thanks for doing this. What's your favorite hand? And if you could have any new hand for your character, what could it do? Thank you! A: The SHIELD attachment does not suck

Q: Hi Clark! Thanks for doing this AMA and everything you've done for the MCU. Love your portrayal of A.C. (Daisy needs to bring that back imo). Have you had any input or influence on the development of Coulson? A: I have some input but most of the great stuff on our show is straight from the writers.   Dream storyline involves saving the Defenders and the Avengers and the Guardians and the Royal Family and everyone in Legion when they get themselves in trouble with Thanos. In a musical episode by Lin Manuel Miranda. (Hamilton)

Q: u/70astralaxe wanted to ask you those question but he coudn't so I'll Phil in [sorry for the pun...]    Favourite Star Wars movie.    Favourite MCU movie.    Whether he had any "holy shit" moments during script-read/when filming a scene.    What he wants for the future of MCU/SHIELD.    If he is planning on doing non-MCU stuff anytime in the near future.    Favourite Ice-Cream Flavour.    Favourite Holiday Destination. A: I'll pick 2. Empire and that coconut something from Ben and jerry's

Q: Clark, it was great seeing you at Denver Comic Con last year. I was the one who told you I loved Choke as well as the intro you wrote for Avengers: Endless Wartime. My question though, do you have any projects coming up that you are writing/directing? Choke was 2008, and Trust me was 2013, so I was hoping we were due for something else soon. Thanks, love your work. A: Writing a film and a sci-fi pilot. Hope to make something next hiatus.

Q: When Joss called you up about Much Ado About Nothing, what was your reaction? Did you get any say in your role? Have you done any other Shakespeare? Thanks for doing this AMA today! A: I was terrified when Joss called, but excited because I had just had a dream I was doing some Shakespeare and it felt ordained. And I love Joss.

Q: Have you watched GOTG Vol. 2 yet? A: Yes. Laughed my ass off.

Q: Hello, What's your favourite MCU movie? Also, what does RDJ smell like? A: I'm a big fan of the Avengers and anything with Cap. Or Stark. Or Thor or the Guardians. Or Strange. Let's face it, I'm a Marvel slut. Robert smells like warm beaches and babies laughing and a freshly washed thong.

Q: What kind of changes in perspective on your character did you work on to bring the 3 different versions of Coulson to life this season? We've had Agent Coulson, Robo Coulson, and Mr. Coulson. What was the most fun about doing that? Also, minor question, do you happen to know what brand / model of glasses you were rocking in the Framework? (I tweeted @amandalynnriley, but alas no response). A: It was fun to have new takes on Phil. Amazing work by the writers. Especially geeking out teacher Phil with his soap. The glasses are called Barton Pereira (sp)

Q: What would like to do for a living if you weren't an actor, besides dominating in lip sync battles? A: Music something. probably not very well. But I loved being in a band. A lot.

Q: Hi Clark! Awesome for you to do this before the big season finale. How do you think your character has changed between now and the beginning of Iron Man 1? In other words, do you think your acting of Phil Coulson has changed that much in 9 years? A: Ah, jeez, I don't know. The character has been through a lot and gotten older, so maybe he's less innocent and a little darker, but I probably am too. I don't know about the acting. I try to forget that's what it is.

Q: Do you read your fanmail? If so, what's something cool a fan has sent you? A: I do. I get amazing stuff and try to answer it all. I've been sent crocheted blankets and lola pillows and maybe some underwear.

Q: Thank you for putting your all into Coulson. He's my favourite character in the entire Marvel universe. As for my question, how much of Clark has gone into the role? Specificially the frequent Star Wars references... is that your input or does it come purely from the writers? A: The writers and I love Star Wars and couldn't imagine Coulson wouldn't as well. There's a bunch of me and then some stiff that's verrrrry different from me.

Q: More serious question: One of the things I love about AoS is how men and women fight each other as equals. But I've wondered if that took the male actors a little getting used to, going all out punching and kicking female actors. Did you find that awkward at first? A: Definitely. Really did not like punching May or Daisy even though neither was a real punch.

Q: Hey Clark! Huge fan of your work in the MCU. My question. Did you know that when you died in the Avengers that you would be brought back for SHIELD? Thanks! A: I did not. Neither did they. #CoulsonLives gave them the idea. So thanks.

Q: What's the weirdest thing a fan ever asked you to do? A: Sign a boob. But it was a big boob so I wrote my full name and then Agent Coulson.

Q: With the amount of time Coulson has been spending in the field in AOS, it has become more and more unlikely that the Avengers wouldn't know that Phil is still alive. Do you personally think any of them know? A: I really wish I had a good answer for that, but I don't. Some day.

Q: Yo Clark! I'm sure you're gonna get a bunch of marvel questions and that's awesome. But I know you're a basketball fan so this is my first question. Who ya got winning the finals? And secondly: Any advice for someone who's dream is to work within marvel either on the tv side or movie side? A: Warriors look soooo good. To work for Marvel it helps to love comics and marvel and then just try to be really good at what you want to do there.

Q: Hey Clark! Read any good books lately? A: Yes. The Wind Up Bird Chronicle by Mirukami

Q: What was it like meeting Melissa Benoist for the dubsmash battle? And have you met any of the other CW heroes? A: I think she's amazing. Loved her in Whiplash. And the fact that she took part in that for charity made me love her even more.

Q: I've been marvel fan since my early childhood, having been born without half of my right hand, my parents and superheroes have always been the biggest source of inspiration. Even in my wildest dreams, i couldnt have predicted these last 10 years, what MCU has achieved and how popular these stories would become all around the world, in that way im living my childhood dream- to see it all done well on the silver screen. What is even crazier- I wouldnt have predicted that the Son of Coul, a shield agent from phase one movies, would start his own show- his own team. Over the years, Aos became , in my humble opinion, the best that superhero tv shows can offer right now, and most recently, even a better source of fun than some of the MCU movies. Past week, i have been buzzing, that we re getting another season. Mostly, i want to say THANK YOU, to everyone who helps to make this show what it is, a source of inspiration and fun to look forward to almost every week. Thank you Mr. Gregg, for breathing life into this awesome character, and also for motivating me in my own studies, and career. I just wanted to express my gratitude, and ask, recently, the Ghost Rider, LMD and Framework arcs have cemented the greatness of this show. When you got first approached to make a shield show, did you think it would end up as such a compelling characters, stories, effects and going for 5 seasons on a small screen? Did you have any doubts? Was there ever a moment when you got a script/shot a scene, where u said to yourself : "Wow, this is amazing" ? Thank you, wish you and the whole cast/crew all the best in making another successful season. A big fan, all they way from Slovakia A: This made my day. Thank you.

Q: What did you think of Iron Fist on Netflix? Do you think it deserves the criticism? What would you have done different if you were the showrunner? A: I love Iron Fist. Both seasons. (then...another reply) Oops. I meant Daredevil. Didn't sleep too well.

Q: Do you remember your time on The Shield well? Great performance. Any fun stories from the set? A: My friend David Mamet directed and the character was so uhinged I felt wrong afterwards. Also, Billy Gierhart who has directed the most eps of AoS was the cameraman on that ep.

Q: As a big fan of What Lies Beneath and Choke, can we expect to see you work behind the camera on Agents of SHIELD any time soon? A: I may direct an episode in season 5. if I don't pass out from exhaustion just thinking about it.

Q: Jed Whedon recently made his directing debut in SHIELD's episode Self Control, which is probably my favorite episode of the show now. What was it like having him direct? Do you think we can look forward to more episodes helmed by him? Great job this season by the way! Coulson's speech a few episodes ago rocked, Captain America would be proud A: jed was amazing and that may be my favorite too. He better direct some more or we'll drag him down to set and make him.

Q: Hey Clark! Thanks for coming by! In about a year we'll be coming up on Iron Man's 10th Anniversary, which means you'll have been playing Coulson for 10 years. How does that feel? And, if you could have Coulson appear in any Marvel-related property, what would it be? A: Wow. Ten years. I feel very lucky. I could have been stuck that long playing a character I didn't love in a world I didn't care about. #Grateful

Q: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D has been renewed for a fifth season, but does not appear on ABC's Fall schedule. Obviously, it will start later, but we've been getting mixed signals. Do you know if Season 5 will be a full, 22 episode season or has it been shortened? A: Yes. Full season after the 8 eps of The Inhumans. Then we do our whole run. Could be cool that way.

Q: Can you tell us anything about today's AoS finale? A: Coulson will change.

Q: This is also a question from my girlfriend, who is at work and can't ask herself: Do you think Phil and May will have a happy ending? A: I won't touch that one.

Q: How would coulson react to meeting the defenders? A: He would geek out. But who knows, maybe they would too.

Q: Two questions: first, I'm currently binge watching the West Wing and I have to ask what it was like working with dialog written by Aaron Sorkin?  Second, are we ever going to see your wife, Jennifer Grey, on AoS? A: Aaron's dialogue is like no one else's. I did Sports Night, TWW and A Few Good Men on Broadway. So I'm lucky. He did a lot to put me on the map.

Q; Hi Clark! Thank you for doing this! I can’t wait for tonight’s finale. Can you take us through what it was like auditioning and successfully getting the role of Coulson? Did you ever imagine that the role would develop and expand like it has over time? A: Never auditioned. Got an offer to play a part that was two scenes in IM. Then they added more and more scenes. Cut to Phil nine years later about to walk into the season 4 finale where he will finally (REDACTED)

Q: Clark, you all have been doing such a great job over the last few years. Why do you think Agents of SHIELD has resonated with so many fans around the world? A: Because thanks to the cast, crew, the writers and Marvel the show keeps getting better all the time. That's very rare.

Last Words From Clark: Thanks so much of the great questions. Sorry I couldn't answer more of them. Acting in an independent film today so I have to run. Join me on the twitter for the S.4 finale tonight. Love you all.

[secretschuylersister]

The Old College Try (Lin/Reader roommate AU)

Summary: You spent the summer before your freshman year of college thinking your roommate was going to be a girl named Lin. When you get to campus, that’s not what you find.

Part One: In which there are rooming assignment mishaps, salsa dancing, and Lunchables.  

You can find Part Two here!

You can find Part Three here!

Note: Write-a-thon Day 1! This can probably stand alone, but I’m tentatively calling it Part 1 out of 3. College!Lin is hard to walk away from, and I have plans for him.

Rating: T

Words: 2803

“What’s your roommate’s name again?”

You were crammed in the backseat of your parents’ car, all of your bags that didn’t fit into the trunk stacked precariously around you.

“The housing assignment letter said her name is Lin, she intends to be a theater major, and she’s from New York. That’s really all I know, mom,” you responded shortly, tired of repeating the same information over and over again.

“Theater is exciting, and it’s nice that she already knows what she wants to study!”

You ignored the pointed remark and looked out the window. Your parents meant well, but they could be exhausting, and you really wanted to enjoy today. You had spent the entire summer anxiously awaiting move-in day and it was finally here.

Your excitement ratcheted up when your car turned into the beautiful campus that was going to be your home for the next four years. Your hand was pressed against the car window as you rolled past the old buildings in search of a place to park. Your parents finally found the lot near your building, and you left them to start unloading the trunk while you signed in and got your room key.

After meeting your R.A and collecting your key, you found your parents and the three of you trekked up to your room, balancing suitcases and bags in your arms. You fumbled with the key but got your door open, and walked inside the pleasantly cool dorm room.

“Wow, this is fantastic,” your dad exclaimed as he took a look around the room.

You had to agree. Your room was much larger than you had expected, and it was in one of the newer buildings, which meant things actually functioned. You had beaten your roommate here so you also had your pick of the furniture.

After getting all of your belongings into your new room, you exchanged teary hugs goodbye with your parents and started unpacking. You had gotten most of the big stuff done when a girl from down the hall knocked on your door.

“Hi, I’m Tess! I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with my roommate and I to grab some lunch.”

You both laughed as your stomach growled. “That’s embarrassing, but I guess it also gives you your answer!”

Tess introduced you to her roommate, Lanie, and the three of you used your campus map to locate the nearest dining hall. You showed your student ID cards at the door and grabbed a tray to fill with food.

“Have you met your roommate yet?” asked Lanie.

“Nope, she must not be coming until later in the day. It’s been just me all morning.”

“Hopefully she’s cool. If not, you can drag your bed into our room,” teased Tess. “We won’t have room to walk, but it’ll be like a sleepover every night.”

The three of you spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the campus, trying to get a feel for where everything was. Tess and Lanie were both hilarious and you were beyond relieved to have made two friends already.

“What do you guys want to do tonight?” asked Lanie. “There’s supposed to be a ton of stuff going on.”

“You guys can make plans. I want to see if my roommate ever showed up and then maybe the four of us can meet up later?”

The girls agreed and you made your way back to the dorm on your own. The door to your dorm room was unlocked, and you felt a little nervous as you realized that meant your roommate was there. You took a deep breath and walked inside.

“Hey, I’m-” you started to introduce yourself but abruptly paused when you saw that the person in the room wasn’t your roommate but was instead a guy with dark eyes. “Oh, sorry. I thought you were my roommate. Do you know Lin?”

The guy in question cocked his head in confusion and grabbed a sheet of paper off the desk. “This is room 625, right? Building B?”

You nodded, looking equally confused.

“And this is your room?”

“Yes…?”

He held out a hand for you to shake. “Hey, roomie. I’m Lin. Lin-Manuel, actually, but Lin is fine.”

“What?” you asked, baffled and frustrated. “You’re my roommate? You’re a guy!”

“You’re observant, I’ll give you that,” he teased, an unreasonably amused smile spreading across his face.

You ripped the piece of paper out of his hands and confirmed what he had just told you. His room assignment put the two of you together.

“How did you not notice something was up when you saw my name?” you asked.

“I moved this summer and I guess the school didn’t update my information fast enough. I didn’t get that paper until this afternoon when I showed up at move-in, and honestly, I didn’t read past my room number.”

You nodded and sighed. “Well, obviously they’ve dropped the ball big time. We’ll have to go to the housing office tomorrow.”

“We could do that, or…”

“Or?”

“Or we could not. It’s just that one of us is gonna have to move, and this is the only air conditioned freshman dorm. Plus it’s a corner room, so it’s huge. Wherever we end up will be way worse than this.”

“Are you kidding?” you asked through a laugh. “You’re not, are you?”

“I have a sister, so living with a girl doesn’t bother me as much as living in a tiny, sweltering room would,” he shrugged. “I’m not gonna, like, watch you change if that’s what you're worried about.”

You laughed again. “I wasn’t worried about that until you said it.”

He started laughing with you and you finally noticed that he was actually kind of cute. You thought of Tess and Lanie and figured you’d at least have somewhere to crash if you needed it.

“This will probably be a disaster, but okay,” you gave in, throwing up your hands. “I honestly just don’t feel like packing up all my stuff again, and I’ll admit the air conditioning is nice. You know we’ll have to keep this quiet, right? Otherwise goodbye fancy room.”

“Secret roomies. Sounds kind of cool.”

Just as Lin got his sentence out, Lanie and Tess both flew into the room.

“Hey, we just got invited to a party and wanted to...oh, hi. Our new friend over here never mentioned a boyfriend,” Lanie teased, looking at you with her eyebrows raised.

“That’s because there’s no boyfriend to mention. This is Lin.”

“Shut the fuck up,” laughed Tess. “As in your roommate Lin? I’m suddenly disappointed with Lanie.”

You noticed Lin flush, and smiled to yourself. He really was cute.

You introduced Lin to the girls and both of you explained the mix-up together. Lanie and Tess both promised to keep the information to themselves, and help you keep the situation quiet however they could.

“So, you were saying something about a party?” asked Lin.

“Yes!” exclaimed Tess. “Non-freshmen don’t move in for another two days, but apparently fraternities and sororities are here already. We got invited to our first frat party!”

“So a bunch of frat guys and drunk freshmen? Seems like a bad time,” you reasoned.

You got hit with double puppy eyes from Lanie and Tess. “Come on, it’ll be so much fun. We can’t go without you. We promise not to get too drunk!”

“Are you in?” you asked Lin, who shrugged.

“Could be fun,” he answered.

“Okay,” you sighed. “I’m in.”

Tess and Lanie were full of shit, as it turned out. Both girls proceeded to get completely plastered almost immediately, leaving you mildly annoyed and fully stressed out.

“You know you don’t have to babysit them, right?” Lin asked.

He had blessedly stayed mostly sober and although a few girls had asked him to dance, he stayed by your side. “I kind of do, though. The most sober friend always has to watch out for the drunk ones. Welcome to life as a girl.”

He winced. “Right, you’re right. Sorry. I’ll help.”

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye and grinned a little. “You’re kind of nice, you know that?”

You laughed as he knocked his shoulder into yours. “I don’t love how surprised you sound.”

“I have a feeling you're going to be full of surprises.”

“Babysitters can have a little fun, right?” he asked, holding his hand out to you. “We can watch them and dance at the same time.”

“Lin, I am stone cold sober. I'm not dancing.”

“Come on,” he teased, moving his feet and hips in a way that was not entirely unattractive. It was actually completely attractive, if you were being honest.

“Are you...dancing salsa? In a frat house?”

“I am, and so are you,” he responded, grabbing your hand and putting the other on your waist.

“Lin, I don't know how!” you shouted, giggling out of both amusement and nerves. “I'm going to embarrass myself.”

“I think we’ll be embarrassing ourselves in front of each other plenty. Now follow my lead, I'll teach you.”

Before long your hair was flying all over the place and you were laughing as Lin twirled you while you clumsily tried to mimic his movements. He dipped you just as the song came to an end and smiled widely as he brought you back up.

“Not bad for a beginner. We’ll have you in competitions by the end of the year.”

You snorted. “It's cute that you think I'm ever doing this again. Adorable, actually.”

“Oh admit it, you were having fun.”

As soon as he said that, you realized you had lost eyes on Tess and Lanie.

“Oh shit,” you mumbled to yourself as you scanned the room. Lin must have realized what you were doing, because he started looking around, too.

You and Lin split up to look for the girls and you were eventually the one to find them. They were in the kitchen, somehow even more drunk than before, and surrounded by a group of guys who were handing them shots. You felt a little sick to your stomach as you ran through ideas to get them out of there without causing a scene. Just as you were about to give up and just drag them with you, Lin walked into the kitchen.

“Yo, cops are coming,” he said loudly, resting a hand on your back.

Everyone started taking off, and Lin intercepted Lanie and Tess as they tried to leave with the group. You each took a girl and led them out of the house, Tess belligerently grabbing a six pack on her way out the door.

The fresh air felt incredible on your skin after being packed in a stuffy house for the last few hours. “Are cops really coming?” you asked Lin after taking a few breaths.

“No,” he snorted. “I just figured it was the best way to get those assholes to leave a few drunk girls alone without a fight. You looked about a second away from trying to take them all on.”

“It wouldn't have been my best plan,” you conceded as Lin smirked at you.

You were glad the distance from the party to your dorm was a short one, because Tess had several inches on you and supporting her weight was becoming a trial. Once you made it inside, you fished the key out of her pocket and Lin helped you put the two roommates to bed. You told Lin you could take it from there, and he went to your room while you pulled the girls’ shoes off and covered them with a blanket. After leaving them with water on their desks for the morning, you joined Lin.

“Look what I stole,” you said, holding up the beer Tess had taken from the party. “I probably shouldn't now, though, I'm starving and foodless.”

“I have just the thing,” he answered, rolling off his bed and walking over to the mini-fridge. “Pizza or nachos?”

You laughed out loud when you saw Lin holding up two Lunchables. “Nachos, please.”

He tossed you the box and the two of you sat cross-legged on his bed, eating elementary school snacks and drinking cheap beer. As you traded the chocolate bars in your box, you were hit with a rush of gratitude for your roommate.

“Hey Lin? Thank you for everything. Tonight could have gone really differently if you weren't there.”

“I just did what anyone would have done,” he said, seeming a little touched but waving it off.

“No,” you shook your head. “Believe me, most guys wouldn't have helped me liked you did.”

“I don't know if that's true, but I promise to have your back whenever you need me,” he said and raised his beer to clink against yours in a toast. You had only known him for a day, but you believed him. “And you traded your superior Crunch bar for my Hershey’s, so we can call it even.”

Lin grabbed your trash to throw away outside while you grabbed your things to take a shower. By the time you got back to the room, Lin had already changed into pajamas and was listening to music, the volume low so as not to annoy anyone in the rooms next door. He shut the music off completely when he saw you getting into bed and then laid back down on his own.

“You don't have to do that,” you assured him. “I'm not really going to sleep yet.”

“I'm not tired yet, either. Want to talk?” he asked, rolling onto his side and looking at you from across the room.

You smiled to yourself as you looked at his face. He was clearly lying, because the boy looked exhausted. “You sure you don't want to go to bed?”

“I'd rather talk to you.”

And so you talked. You told him about your parents and your friends from home. He laughed at what you thought he'd be like when you still assumed he was a she. He confirmed he was going to study theater and shared some stories about his many performances as a kid. It was around four that morning when his eyes started to close against his will. You let the conversation trail off and he finally drifted off to sleep, you following him soon after.

You woke up late the next morning to the smell of coffee and a gentle nudge on the shoulder. You blearily looked up at Lin, who grinned at your sleepy expression.

“It's eleven, so I thought you'd probably want to get up. I'll leave your coffee on your desk.”

“Thank you,” you croaked. “That was really nice, how much do I owe you?”

“You can get the next ones. I'm going to take a shower,” he replied, grabbing a towel.

You drank your coffee and got dressed before going to check on Tess and Lanie. Both were awake, miserable, and highly apologetic.

“We’ll never drink again,’” swore Lanie.

You raised a brow at her and Tess jumped in to clarify. “We’ll never get that drunk again.”

“That's probably also a lie, but I'll take it,” you laughed. “The night wound up being okay, anyway. I'll forgive you.”

“Yeah, your hot roommate got to play protective boyfriend all night. What are you complaining about?” joked Tess

“Shut up. He was just being a good friend, to me and to both of you.”

“Oh, I'm sure he wants to be a very good friend to you,” replied Tess suggestively, making Lanie giggle.

“You guys both suck and I hope your hangovers last forever.”

You left their room without saying goodbye and walked back into your own just as Lin was tugging on a shirt. His hair was damp, and between that and the conversation you had just had, you were flustered.

“We can't hook up,” you spat out without thinking. Lin looked completely bewildered and you rushed to continue. “I'm not saying that you want to! Or that I want to! I just mean that sometimes things can happen, and if we’re living together, we can't accidentally do anything. It would make it weird.”

You wanted to die when you finished blabbering and saw the smirk on Lin’s face.  

“Worried I might try to seduce you?” he asked teasingly. You flushed beet red and you tried to cut him off but he kept going. “Okay. I promise to try and resist your womanly wiles if you think you can manage to avoid falling under my spell. Promise?”

Your embarrassment faded as you laughed at his antics. He held out his pinky and you linked it with yours. “I promise.”

He lifted your pinky to kiss and you suddenly wondered if it was a promise you could keep.

[hamilton4laurens]

Friday Night Lights

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x Fem!Reader

Request: Any chance you can write one where the reader is Anthony’s younger sister and they meet Lin and they really like each other? Like super fluffy with them getting together at the end but also protective Anthony too? Sorry that is vague and sorry if you can’t! ~ Anonymous

Will you do a Lin x reader? I’m always craving some more of that! @ruth-hamilton-delrio

Words: 1957

Warnings: protective older brother; alcohol mentioned; fluff

___________________________

Stepping into the club your older brother Anthony made sure you stayed by his side as you pushed your way through the crowd of people.

It was Friday night, for once there wasn’t a show so the cast wanted to go out and have fun to make up for how hard they’ve been working. And it just so happened to be the night you were suppose to hang out with your older brother. So he decided to drag you along so you can meet some of his friends. And in all honesty you were kind of nervous.

Up ahead Anthony can see his girlfriend Jasmine talking to Daveed. He grinned and pulled you along to walk faster as the both of you made your way over. He released your hand and went over giving his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek causing her to giggle.

“Anthony Ramos how nice of you to finally join us.” Anthony chuckled before motioning you over.

“Y/N you’ve already met Jazzy, so Y/N this is Daveed Diggs, he plays Lafayette and Thomas Jefferson in the show.” Your brother told you. You smile at the man.

‘Damn he’s hot.’ You thought to yourself as you shook the mans hand.

“Where’s Lin?” Anthony asked Daveed while casually slinging an arm around Jasmine’s shoulders.

“Uhhh.” Daveed looked around. “He should be around here somewhere, why what’s going on?”

“Nah nothing man, I jus’ want to introduce my baby sister to the guys.” You glared at him.

“Anthony I’m literally 1 year younger than you.” You pointed out to him.

“Damn I feel bad for you, having Anthony as a brother?” Daveed let out a low whistle. You and Jazzy laughed as Anthony playfully glared at Daveed telling him to ‘fuck off’. Daveed only grinned in response.

“Well it was nice meeting you Daveed now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go grab a drink.” You announced, turning away from the small group, walking right into someone.

“Oh I’m so sorry!” You apologized.

“No it’s my fault I should’ve watched where I was going.” The man stammered. Looking into his eyes blew your breath away. He was handsome, he sported a goatee and a man bun. You nervously smiled at him, feeling your heart pound in your chest or its the base of the music, you weren’t sure.

“I…I don’t know what else to say.” You admitted, avoiding eye contact with him, feeling yourself blush from the awkwardness of the situation.

The man chuckled, shoving his hands into his front pockets.

“How about I buy you a drink?” The man offered. “You look like you kind of need it.” You smiled slightly.

“Okay.” You trailed behind the man, making your way to the bar which wasn’t as full as you thought it would be. The man hopped onto the bar stool, patting the stool besides him. Sliding onto the stool you twisted your body so you were facing the bar.

“What would the lady like this evening?” The bar tender asked. You lightly chuckle.

“A rum and Coke.” You tell him. The bar tender nodded before looking at the man next to you.

“Beer.” The bar tender left the two of you to get your drinks. Twisting in your seat, your knee brushed lightly against the mans leg.

“Im Y/N.” You told him. He smiled holding his hand out to you.

“Lin.” Once he said that you thought of Anthony’s friend.

“As in Lin-Manuel Miranda?” You tried. Lin laughed but nodded saying ‘Yes’. You smiled. “I’m Y/N Ramos, Ant’s sister.” He stared at you for like 2.3 seconds before it clicked.

“Right! Ant told me you were coming tonight. Well it’s nice to meet you, Anthony talks about you as much as he does about Jasmine.” Together you laughed as your drinks were set down in front of you.

You took your drink in your hands and took one big gulp from the glass.

“Woah!” Lin laughed. “Well then, um, tell me about yourself Y/N.” Looking at him you can see him blushing, his hands fidgeting with the bottle.

“You don’t need to be nervous Lin.” He smiled anxiously at you before looking back at his bottle.

“Sorry it’s just I didn’t expect you to be so beautiful I- Oh my god I’m sorry.” His face was a bright red at this point from embarrassment.

“You think I’m beautiful?” You asked, turning bashful. His brown eyes locked with yours.

“Of course I do, h-have you seen you? Like damn girl.” You giggled, your face turning redder, Lin noticed this and smiled. At least he wasn’t the only blushing mess here.

“Well thank you.” Butterflies fluttered in your stomach in that moment.

-

Anthony was looking for you. He was kinda worried. He lost you and him being the protective brother he is had to make sure you were all right. So of course he was relived when he saw you at the bar but what caught his eye was you talking to a man besides you. From where he’s at he couldn’t recognize who was with you and his older brother instinct kicked in so he walked over.

“Y/N!” He called it. Your head turned in the direction of your name being called and you grinned waving him over. Lin took a sip of his beer, setting down his second bottle as Anthony arrived. Anthony pulled you into a protective hug before looking at the guy you were with.

“It was his best friend Lin.

“Oh shit man it’s just you.” Anthony sighed in relief. “I had to make sure it wasn’t some douche trying to pick up my baby sister.” Lin laughed as you groaned pushing your brother away playfully.

“Ant I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself okay? And if I wanted to go home with a guy I will do just that.” You drawled. Anthony crinkled his nose in disgust.

“Ew, stop it your my sister.” He grumbled. You looked at him with amusement with a growing smirk.

“Okay this next song we’re going to slow it down a bit, and - hey no having sex in the corner!” The DJ yelled at the couple in the corner as the next song played. Anthony sighed looking back at you.

“I’m going to go find Jazzy, jus’ don’t do anything stupid okay?.” Anthony begged you. You shook your head.

“Go I’ll be fine right where I am, right Lin?” You glanced over at Lin who raised his bottle a bit.

“I’ll be with her, go find Jasmine.” Lin said. Anthony just nodded before going after his girlfriend. Picking up your drink, you drank the rest of it. “You, um want to dance?” Lin asked. You grinned at him.

“Absolutely.”

-

Your arms were around Lin’s neck as his hands held you by the waist, your head rested against his collarbone, his chin on top of your head as the both of you swayed to the music. Your eyes were closed, enjoying this moment.

“Hey.” Lin lightly squeezed your waist. Lifting your head you looked up at him.

“Yeah?” Lin licked his lips his eyes looking into yours with intently.

“I was wondering if-” Suddenly the whole crowd roared as the music picked up again. Lin sighed, running a head through his hair but it didn’t go as well because it was in the bun. You giggled, covering your mouth with your hand. HIs hair looked a mess now. Lin jerked his thumb back behind him. “You wanna join the others?” He asked. You shrugged before shaking your head.

“I think I want to keep dancing.” You told him with a grin, wrapping your arms around his neck as you danced to the beat of the song. His eyebrows raised in amusement. Lin was a bit awkward in the beginning but soon loosened up grabbing your hips, moving with you.

-

The night went better than you expected it to be. Sure you came with your brother to meet to cast of Hamilton and make new friends yourself but the second you met Lin you two stuck by each other’s side and Lin was disappointed when the night had to come to an end.

“Y/N you ready to go?” Anthony came up to you and asked. You were sitting at an empty table, Lin went to fetch you a water, to your request.

“Uh, sure, let me go tell Lin goodbye.” You responded, standing up from your seat. You stumbled forward a bit.

“Woah, how much did you drink?” Anthony asked, placing his hands on your shoulders, steading you out.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled, rubbing a hand down your face tiredly.

“Hey.” You peel your eyes open, smiling at Lin reaching your hand out for the water which he gladly handed over. Drinking the entire glass you set it down.

“I’m gonna take her home.” Anthony told Lin, who nodded glancing at you worriedly.

“Wait.” You said turning to Lin. “Bye.” You hugged him. Lin chuckled, wrapping his arms around you, hugging you goodbye.

“I’ll see you around?” He rubbed his hands together.

“Definitely.” You say, looking at your brother. “Take me home now please.” You begged your brother.

“Let’s go.” Anthony helped you to the car where you passed out by the time you got in. As quiet as he can Anthony shut the car door as Lin walked out of the club, his hair now out of his man bun.

“Yo Lin!” Lin craned his neck over to see Anthony. Walking over Lin shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah?” Anthony glanced back to his sleeping sister inside the car before looking back at Lin.

“I’m not stupid yunno? I can tell when somebody likes another. And I can tell you like my sister.”

“Anthony-” Anthony put a hand up to stop his friend.

“I’m cool with it man, but if you hurt her, I kinda have to kill ya.” Lin chuckled nervously, running his hand through his long hair.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Anthony smiled.

“Good. Night man.” Lin watched Anthony get into the car, driving off with Y/N sleeping besides him. Turning down the street Lin began his walk to his car.

-

You let out an audible groan as you turn over in bed, pulling the blanket over your head. Slowly you dared opened your eyes seeing lightly through the gray blanket. Pulling it down you blocked the light with your hand. The light nearly blinded you, it hurt. Looking at the time on your nightstand it was 11:00pm. Beside your clock was a glass of water and two Tylenol. Taking the pills you took a big gulp of water. Reaching over for your phone you pressed the power button alas lighting up the screen.

1 text from Lin-Manuel Miranda.

Rubbing the side of your face, you unlocked your phone. You remember Lin, and talking for the most part. A lot of things were still blurry but you know that you liked him though despite only meeting him that night.

‘Hey, had a great time with you last night and again it was nice meeting you. But aside from that I was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab dinner possibly tonight? It’s totally cool if you don’t want to I understand!’ ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda

Sending him a text back you tossed your phone besides you before pulling the blanket back over you, falling back to sleep.

-

Lin’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He was about to get dressed as Hamilton seeing as the show started soon. Opening his texts he couldn’t help but let out a small cheer when he saw your text.

‘Yes.’ ~ Y/N Ramos

[jornami]

Stuck to this Corner Like a Streetlight

A/N: I've been obsessed with bakery AUs lately and I really wanted to write one! Feedback/constructive criticism is always encouraged! Hope you enjoy! This is so long I’m so sorry!

Things you should know: 1. I've never been to NYC in my life. So, I don't know how streets work up there. Is 34th and Melso Street even a place? Probably not. Is it five blocks down from the Richard Rodgers? Hell no. 2. I do a very poor job of explaining ITH 3. I have nothing against Vanessa

Tagged: @congratsonhamlet @unlazilyfreshrebel @lexiortanez @hamfamhamfam @superwholockbooknerd526 @naomyb16 @iamafangirlforeverthing @sleepretreat @xomullenxo @rebekatrue @plamspringsdancingontables

Pairing: Lin x reader

Summary: You bake cupcakes for Lin’s opening nights and he gives you tickets to the show. It's enough until it isn't.

Masterlist | Request!

You and Lin-Manuel Miranda had a friendship that came about in a unique way. It all started back in 2008.

March 5, 2008

You had just opened your bakery on the corner of 34th and Melso Street. You were beyond happy; opening a bakery was a lifelong dream of yours. Your bakery, “Cupquakes,” had only been open for three weeks, and business was booming; you already had ten orders. But the order made on March 5 was the one that you’ll never forget.

You were just about to close the shop for the day, when he walked in.

“Sorry, we’re about to close, and the Lucky Charm cupcakes are sold out.” you said as you wiped down the counter, not even bothering to look up.

“I know, but do have time to place one more order?” the man asked desperately.

“Sure.” you said with a warm smile.

“Can I order like four dozen cupcakes?” he asked.

You two proceed to go over the details of the cupcakes and just the cupcakes until you asked him what he wanted on them.

“Umm, I don’t really know. I hadn’t even thought about that.” he chuckled.

“Well, what’re the cupcakes for?” you asked in hopes that it would give you an idea on what to put on the cupcakes.

“Well, I’m actually opening a play on Broadway.” he told you and immediately you were intrigued.

You always loved plays, and you couldn’t believe you were taking a cupcake order from someone who wrote one.

“What’s it about?” you asked.

He proceeded to tell you what the play was about and immediately you had a ton of ideas. It was called “In the Heights,” and it took place in a Latino neighborhood in New York City. The play was about a guy named Usnavi who ends up winning the lottery.

“That play sounds really good, no wonder you made it to Broadway!” you gushed.

“Thanks,” he blushed, obviously flattered by your compliment.

“Maybe I could make little Puerto Rican and Dominican flags out of fondant. Ooh, and I could write 96,000 on Oreos and stick them out of the cupcake frosting. And you said champagne is a recurring motif, right? Well, maybe I can make champagne cupcakes with gold sprinkles!” you rambled until you caught yourself.

“You can do all that?” he asked in disbelief and you nodded.

“What time do they need to be ready?”

“The ninth.” he said sheepishly.

Your smile faded instantly. Four dozen cupcakes?!?! In four days?!?!

“Four dozen cupcakes in four days?” you exclaimed. “That’s 48 cupcakes!”

“Well, today’s the fifth so maybe one dozen each day?” he offered. “Can you do it? ‘Cause if you can’t, that’s totally fine; I’ll just find someone who can.”

You face softened, you really wanted to make the cupcakes for the opening night of his play.

“No,” you told him, “I can do it.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” he praised you.

“Just give me a name for the order.”

“Lin.”

“Delivery or pick up?”

“Delivery.”

“Where to and when?” you asked.

“The Richard Rodgers Theatre on 226 West 46th Street at 5 o’clock.” he said.

“Alright, Lin, I’ll see you then!” you smiled.

“Until then.” he said and began to make his way to the door. “Wait, I never got your name.”

“Y/N.” you told him.

“Y/N,” he repeated. “such a nice name for a nice girl.”

And in that moment you knew you were going to have to do whatever it took to make all 48 of those cupcakes. Ugh, he had you whipped and you just met him.

March 9, 2008

“Done!” you cheered as you stuck the last Puerto Rican flag on the cupcake.

You spent that last four days making the four dozen cupcakes for Lin’s opening night, and you did whatever it took to do so. You stayed late, skipped lunch breaks, you even closed the shop early.

You put that last cupcake in the box and started carrying the boxes out to your car. The Richard Rodgers was only five blocks from your shop, but with New York traffic you knew it would probably take you at least 30 minutes.

Sure enough, 35 minutes later you were there. You texted Lin to let him know you were outside and you need help.

“On my way :)”

Three minutes later you see Lin come out of the theater.

“Here they are!” you said, gesturing to the four boxes of sugary confections in you trunk. “All 48 of them.”

“Thank you so much!” he said for the 800th time that week. “How much do I owe you?”

“68.23.” you read off the receipt.

He hands you all 68 dollars and a quarter.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any change,” you apologized.

“Don’t worry about it; it’s only two pennies.” he assured you. “Help me carry these in?”

You both grab two boxes and head inside the theater. You stop halfway and stop to admire the place. This was a dream come true.

“Wow,” you awed, “a real Broadway theater.”

“Yep, maybe if you stick around I’ll give you a tour.” Lin smiled.

God, was he cute.

You followed him backstage to a room where the after party was being held. The room was decorated with flags, balloons, pictures of the cast, and a poster of the show. You sat the cupcake boxes next to each other.

“You wanna see them?” you asked Lin with a smirk on your face.

“Of course!” he exclaimed.

The look on his face when he saw the cupcakes was priceless. He was awestruck.

“Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think I did a pretty good job.” you said, admiring your own work.

“You did amazing,” he said sincerely.

“Thanks,” you smiled shyly. “I’m gonna head out, but it was a honor making cupcakes for you opening night.”

“Wait!” Lin called after you and you turned around. “68 dollars isn’t enough. Come see the show tonight?”

“Seriously?” you asked.

“Seriously, it’s the least I can do for all your hard work.”

“Well, if you’re offering, I’d love to.”

“It starts at 7.”

“I’ll be there.” you smiled.

So, there you were at 6:59 on the nose. You found your seat and waited patiently for it to start. And, oh boy, once the lights dimmed you were practically bouncing in your seat.

It finally started and you enjoyed every minute of it. Then intermission rolled around. Ugh. A fifteen minute break never felt so long.

Finally, after what felt like an hour, act two started. However, just as soon as it started; it was over. By the end you were actually crying, and your lap was filled with crumpled up tissues.

Lin told you to come backstage after it was over, so you fixed your face in the bathroom and headed back there.

“So, what did you think?” he asked eagerly.

“It was okay. I'd give it a check minus.” you lied, adding a reference from the play.

“By your bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks, I'd say you enjoyed it.” he said slyly.

“What can I say? The finale made me emotional.” you admitted, causing him to giggle.

“Your cupcakes were a hit; everyone loved them!” he said.

Just as he said that Chris Jackson who played Benny came up to you.

“YO, ARE YOU THE GIRL WHO MADE THOSE BOMB ASS CUPCAKES?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you smiled, slightly taken aback.

“CAN YOU MAKE ME LIKE A WHOLE BATCH OF THOSE CHAMPAGNE CUPCAKES?” he yelled.

“Alright, buddy,” Lin said and patted Chris on the back. “no more alcoholic cupcakes for you.”

You two laughed as Chris was led away by Karen Olivo who played Vanessa.

“Well, I really have to get going.” you told Lin and his face fell.

“Stay, please.” he begged.

Your heart sank; he looked so sad.

“Lin, I’d love to, but I have a huge wedding order to fill tomorrow morning.” you told him.

“If you must,” he sighed dramatically.

“If you ever need some more cupcakes or a friend to talk to,” you said as he pulled you into a hug. “you know where to find me.”

“Noted.” he said and you went your separate ways.

Lin took what you said on March 9, 2009 to heart and he visited your shop quite frequently. Sometimes, he would come in because he needed a sugar fix. Other times he came in just to talk to you or have a quiet place to work on his plays.

He didn't need another cupcake order until 2014.

June 4, 2014

“Hey, Miranda,” you said to Lin as he walked into your shop. “how's my favorite playwright?”

“Pretty good,” he smiled. “and how are you, my favorite baker?”

“Tired,” you sighed. “I have sooooo many orders to fill.”

“Well, I'm about to add to your workload,” he told you.

“You finally ready for me to make cupcakes for that musical about Alexander Hamilton you've been working on?” you asked hopefully.

“No, actually I've been working on this musical called, ‘21 Chump Street,’ and I was wondering if you could make cupcakes for opening night?” he asked.

“Of course, how many do you need?”

“Two dozen.”

“Delivery or Pick up?”

“Delivery.”

“When do you need them?”

“The 7th.”

“Lin!” you exclaimed. “You can't keep doing this!”

“I know, I'm sorry!” he apologized.

“Whatever.” you said, obviously not convinced by his apology. “What do you want on them?”

“Surprise me,” he said simply as he handed you a playbill. “The synopsis for the play is in here.”

“You're lucky we're friends, Miranda,”

“Love youuuuu!”

“Goodbye, Lin,” you sighed. “I'll see you on the 7th.”

June 7, 2014

You had just finished putting the finishing touches on the cupcakes for Lin’s play. You made vanilla and chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting, and all of the cupcakes were topped with little fondant marijuana leaves.

“Isn't the play about how weed can ruin your life?” your fellow baker and friend, Charlotte asked.

“Yeah, but I wanted to make them look cute,” you told her.

“Well, Lin will love them anyway,” she assured you.

“I hope so,” you mumbled.

“When are you gonna ask him out anyways?” she asked.

“Tonight after the show.” you told her.

“Finally!” she squealed. “You've been practically in love with him since ’08!”

She was right. You had liked Lin in a more-than-friend way since 2008, but you never had the courage to tell him. But you were past patiently waiting; you were finally going to do it.

You arrived at the Brooklyn Academy of Music at 5:00 and you saw Lin waiting outside for you.

“Cupcake delivery for Mr. Lin Manuel Miranda?” you announced, flashing him a cheesy smile.

“That's me!” he smiled.

“Your total is 36.50.” you said.

“Here,” he said and hand you an envelope.

You looked inside and saw two tickets to the play.

“I hope you can accept this as a payment,” he said jokingly.

“I'll gladly take the tickets in addition to the money.” you replied snarkily.

He handed you the money and you two walked inside. He led you backstage and you sat the cupcakes down on the table.

“Can I look at them?” he asked.

“Go ahead,” you said.

He opened the box of cupcakes and didn't say anything. It was starting to make you nervous.

“So, what do you think?” you asked nervously.

“I think it's insensitive to Justin Laboy’s story.” he said harshly. “He was seduced and tricked by an undercover cop and you're making a joke out of it.”

Shit. Your biggest fear was coming true.

“Lin, I'm so sorry. I thought you'd think it was cute, and—” you rambled, but he cut you off.

“Y/N, I was kidding!” he giggled.

“Goodbye, Miranda,” you said, slightly relieved and slightly pissed.

“See you tonight!” he called after you.

“Uh huh,” you said and waved him off.

Lin gave you two tickets so you took Charlotte who was a mess by the end of the play.

“It wasn't fair!” She shouted, “He was just a child!”

“Well, I guess if you're so upset we can just go home,” you suggested, hoping she'd forget about what you said about asking Lin out.

“No!” she said, her mood changing right before your eyes. “You're going to ask him out if it's the last thing you do!”

You groaned and you two walked backstage. Lin was talking to his friend, Alex Lacamoire.

“Oh, he's busy, let's go!” you mumbled and began to walk in the direction you came in.

“Over my dead body!” she said and pushed you in Lin’s direction.

“Oh hey, Y/N!” Lin said as he saw you. “How did you like it?”

“It was great, but I need to ask you something,” you said, getting more anxious with every word you spoke.

“Can it wait?” he asked and your smile disappeared. “I'm talking to Lac about getting Hamilton on Broadway!”

“That's great! I'll just ask you later.” you said.

You were genuinely happy for Lin. You knew how long he had been working on Hamilton, and besides, you could always ask him the next time he came into your shop.

You never did ask Lin out after that day at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. You could never work up the courage to ask him. That would be to your detriment because what happened on July 29, 2015, would make you regret that decision forever.

July 29, 2015

“Y/N, big news!” Lin announced as he walked into your shop.

“What's up?” you asked.

“Hamilton is going to Broadway!” he announced proudly.

“Lin, that's amazing!” you squeaked, practically jumping over the counter to hug him. “I'm so proud of you!”

The warmth of his embrace, the smell of his cologne; it was perfect.

“But wait, there's more!” he announced.

He dug through his pockets and pulled out a velvet box.

Oh no.

“I'm proposing to my girlfriend, Vanessa, and I was wondering if you could bake the ring into a cupcake?” he asked with a huge smile on his face.

Your smile faltered and your heart shattered. It was too late.

[hamilficsfordays]

New Beginning—Chapter Eight: Tragedy-Prone

Disclaimer: I don’t actually speak spanish so I apologize if any translations are incorrect

Also posted on Ao3

Summary:  Autumn in New York has arrived and school has started for everyone including Alexa. Unfortunately, that’s not the only thing that has started.

Rating: M for language (in English and Spanish), teen binge drinking, mentions of rape

Words: 7828 (rip me)

Askbox / Masterlist / Chapter Seven / Chapter Nine

Tags:

@promisesandmore @justanotherfanficreader and @huffleheyguys who asked me to tag them in literally any writing.

September in New York meant the start of school. The slight excitement Alexa had was shadowed by the overwhelming fear of seeing the boys who violated her that night again. Still, she pushed on.

“There’s no shame in being homeschooled until we can transfer you to Brearley next semester.” Lin offered that morning while en route to the school.

“I’m not going to rot in that apartment for the next four months, Lin. I need to do this.”

She had on a plaid green skirt, a white polo, black stockings, and a long sleeve green cardigan. This was within the required uniform standards Alexa carefully adjusted the sleeves of her cardigan to make sure they were covering the bandages on her arms while staring up at Lin from the chair on the subway. The train was packed, full of others headed to work or school that morning.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, glancing down at her, attempting to read her face. She rolled her eyes, a light smile.

“Remember what Dr. Montgomery said?” she reminded him of the doctor’s appointment they’d been to the day before.

“As long as you take your meds as needed, you’ll be fine.” he repeated.

Alexa carefully pulled a full pill bottle of Zoloft out of her messenger bag, She took one pill and washed it down with a sip of water from a plastic bottle that she’d been holding on to. “I took my meds today, okay? So stop panicking. You’re more worried than I am.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Would you like one?” she offered, smirking.

“Very funny.” he glanced out the train window in search of a number as the train slowed to a halt.

“This is our stop.”

-

They arrived at the school shortly after.

“Okay, I gave you a free ‘worried parent’ pass to travel with me to school this morning. Your pass has now expired.” She gave him a light pat on his arm. “You no longer have permission to escort me to school.”

“Do I have a hug pass?”

“Those can only be redeemed at home or not ten feet from my school.”

Lin hugs her anyway, kissing the top of her head.

“Why do I make rules if you’re just going to break them?” she demanded, feeling him laugh against her.

The laughing stopped however as he saw Eric approach the school after exiting his town car. There was a smaller more sheepish boy by his side, looking slightly on edge, though Eric being beside him seemed to ease his tension slightly.

Alexa caught a glimpse of what had made Lin so serious, feeling a wave of fear wash over her as he looked their way.

He approached them then, the smaller boy beside him.

“You really shouldn’t be over here,” Lin started, stepping in front of his daughter. “It’s dangerous. I wouldn’t want something to happen to you.”

“Lin,” she stepped in between them, facing her father. “You can’t threaten someone my age. No matter how much they genuinely deserve it.”

“Ease off, George Lopez,” Eric started. “I’m here to apologize.”

They both stared straight at him, taken aback by his words. Frustrated, he glared at the younger boy beside him who nudged him forward, urging him to continue.

“Sorry for…” he sighed, glancing in another direction. “Hurting you a month ago. I was a jerk and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Hurting me?” she shot back. “That’s the best you can do?”

Alexa glanced at the boy beside him, who seemed to be curiously fixated on Lin.

“Is that your conscious?” she asked, directing to the younger boy. “He’s not large enough for you to compensate.”

Eric was enraged then, stepping close to her and leaning in.

“Don’t talk about my little brother, okay? I apologized, so get off my back.”

“Did you apologize? Is that what they call an apology where you’re from?”

“Oh my god, you’re Lin-Manuel Miranda!” Grabbing everyone’s attention beside Eric was the smaller boy, pushing past the two teens to stand directly in front of the older man.

“I listen to In the Heights like, religiously. I mean I did, before Hamilton came out. Now I listen to that religiously. I’m Daxton,” he took Lin’s hand, shaking it furiously. It’s an honor to meet you!”

“Th-thank you?” Lin politely smiled back.

“What the fuck is In The Heights?” Alexa demanded, receiving a confused look from both Lin and Daxton.

“Only his first musical and winner of Tony award for best musical of 2008! I was friends with this boy at my old school who was like—well he was Spanish—and we would always spend weekends at his place where he would try to rap all of Usnavi’s lines. It was amazing. You’re amazing.”

“You have another musical?” she asked, prompting another confused look from Lin.

Alexa glanced at Daxton, at Eric, and then back to Daxton.

“Oh my god.” she finally said. “Your brother came out and you gained a conscious.”

“Shut up.” Eric shot back.

“Eric and I have been trying to get tickets for Hamilton since it started at the Public. Right Eric?” he nudged his older brother eagerly.

“Dax really likes the show—” he tried.

“Me?! You sing Yorktown in the shower like every night!”

“Oh my god.” Alexa stifled her laughter, Lin doing the same.

He kissed the top of Alexa’s head again. “Have a good day.”

“You’re gonna have to be more genuine if you want to see that show, Eric.” Daxton folded his arms, glaring knowingly at his brother.

“Okay well… We should go.” Eric lead his brother away, glaring at Alexa who only smirked back.

This would serve as the highlight of her morning, a morning otherwise full of being called a slut or being told that she deserved it while walking in the hallways.

“Hey, how much for a lap dance?” Across the hallway from her locker, someone tossed a wad of dollar bills at her to a chorus of laughter.

And to think Lin and V are paying $47,000 a year so that I can get treated like this she thought, closing her locker and kicking the wad aside as she headed to her first class.

The class was small, quiet when she walked in. She recognized no faces, a relieving fact.

It was AP US History, a class she was destined to fly through—at least partially.

“Sorry, I’m late!” A small, blonde, white woman who could’ve easily passed for a student rushed in, papers in one hand and coffee in the other. “Mama needed a little pick me up before class started.” She shook her paper coffee cup.

There were a few chuckles, though most of the students didn’t find it amusing.

“Okay well, welcome to AP US History. I’m Dr. Rhodes, but you can call me Annie, and this year we’ll be learning how our country came to be. Included in that learning will be a single chapter on Civil Rights that’s only short because this book was written by a bunch of white people.” she laughed, prompting no reaction from her students but a small smile from Alexa, the only non-white person in the room.

“Let’s start with attendance.” she pulled out a single paper from the stack in her hand, listing off each name one by one until she got to Alexa.

“Alexa Jordan?” she asked. Alexa raised her hand.

“The same Alexa Jordan who’s the daughter of that handsome gentleman who wrote Hamilton?”

“Uh… Yeah?” she laughed, feeling the other students’ eyes on her. “I guess?”

“You know I was a TA when I was getting my masters at Yale… They’ve got a lot of love for Hamilton over there. Several of his original documents stored away. I think you and your mancandy father would have a lot of interest in that.”

There was an awkward silence.

“In fact, let’s all go! Road trip!”

More silence.

“No? No Hamilton fans here? You guys are missing out. That show is AMAZING—”

“Okay, can we actually talk about something important?” A girl in the back interrupted.

“Well excuse me,” Dr. Rhodes glanced at the attendance list again to find the girl’s name. “Hazel! I hate to admit it but you’re right. Let’s get started with the rape, pillage, and murder of hundreds of thousands of Native Americans when the white man first arrived here by ship.”

At the end of APUSH, she headed to her locker only discover an array of papers taped to the front.

“Oh great, another smear campaign.” She thought, starting to tear them off. A quick glance at one, however, changed her perspective.

Sign up for the Drama Club! This year, with special permission We’ll be producing a production of Hamilton: An American Musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda

She glanced at each of the posters, all of them identical. A safe way to pander she figured. With no friends and virtually no one to talk to, she essentially had nothing to lose. She’d made a mental note to head to the school theatre at the end of the day.

She caught a glimpse of Eric headed down the hallway toward her that made her shiver involuntarily. He made a passing comment at another girl that Alexa couldn’t hear. Her retaliation, however, was loud and clear.

“¡No me jodas, Westly!” she shouted, loud enough for everyone in the hallway to hear. “At least I don’t have to drug people to get them to have sex with me. ¡Chinga tu madre!”

“Like anyone would ever want to sleep with you. Don’t you have houses to clean?” he shot back, rolling his eyes. He didn’t stop to converse but continued walking down the hall. “That’s right pinche puta, keep walking!”

When he approached Alexa, she froze. Though she had stood up to him that morning, the harsh fear that came up whenever he approached didn’t seem to go away. Without Lin, she was alone.

The last time she was alone with him, it didn’t end well.

“Oh hey, looks who’s all alone with no daddy to defend them.”

He grabbed her arm forcefully, holding tight despite her attempts to pull away.

He leaned in close, paralyzing her with fear.

“Can I get you anything?” he whispered, recalling what he had said to her that night. “A drink? Maybe something a little more exciting?”

His grip on her arm tightened. She was struggling to manage a response as she continued to attempt to free herself.

“What do you feel like swallowing?” he recited.

There was a sudden jolt as the other girl shoved Eric away from her.

“You wanna fight someone?” she shoved him toward the lockers. He was clearly intimidated though he tried to hide it. Despite him being a few inches taller, the girl overpowered him in overall strength.

“Fight me, bitch!” she continued. “My father is a professional wrestler! I dare you to come at me. ¡Besa mi culo, puto!”

She had him wedged between herself and the lockers. Seeing him clearly shaken up was enough to get Alexa to take a sigh of relief. She moved away from the scene until her back hit the lockers on the other side of the hallway. When there was nowhere else to go, she slid down to the floor, watching the scene unfold.

“Whatever,” he tried to brush it off. “I don’t need to fight you. It would be a waste of my time.” he managed to fight his way out of the small space and fast-walk down the hallway.

“This isn’t over, Pendejo!”

She barely noticed the girl offering to help her up as she sat on the ground, processing what had just happened.

“Cabron,” the girl remarked, watching Eric walk off as she offered Alexa a hand. She took it, slowly pulling herself up.

The girl was Latina (unlike every other student besides Lex it seemed), unmistakably tall and rather muscular, but ever confident with herself.

“Thank you,” she finally said, brushing her skirt off. “He’s um… he’s kind of intimidating.”

“Ay, no, You wouldn’t say that if you saw the way he cried like un bebé when he was being pulled away in a cop car from that party last month.” she chuckled.

Alexa’s eyes lit up at the thought. “Wait, you were there?”

“No, but it was on New York One the next morning.” she chuckled at the memory. “Lo que es un bastardo.”

The shorter teen almost felt kind of stupid for being so afraid of him. The other girl picked up on that.

“Amiga, I’m sure he really fucked you up. He’s a pendejo and you’re allowed to handle that however you do. Just don’t let him steal your light. He doesn’t fucking deserve it.”

A small smile formed on Alexa’s face. “That was really profound.”

She shrugged. “Si, I know, I’m like a fucking latina Shakespeare.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”

Lex suddenly realized she may have been coming on too strong and felt the need to explain herself.

“I mean since you’re the only person at this school who hasn’t called me a slut so far and we hate the same person so I figured—”

“Camila.” she cut her off. “Call me Cami.”

“Cami,” Alexa repeated. “Okay.”

“Relax amiga, if you hang around me, everyone will be way too afraid to call you a puta.”

That afternoon, Alexa ventured to the basement where the theatre was located. As she opened the door to the house, she was overwhelmed by the large population of fair skinned students. As she herself was half black, she stuck out like a sore thumb as she had all day that day.

There were several glances in her direction as she entered to room, most of them other girls staring curiously. She sat in the last row, hoping to remain out of sight.

As she sat, she bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” she quickly apologized, glancing up at the stranger.

The cute stranger. The stranger whom she happened to recognize from her AP US History class that morning.

He had short brown hair, a clean-shaven, cute face and wasn’t particularly thin or muscular, a fair mix of both. At least, that’s what she could gather from under white dress shirt and tie.

He seemed to be fixated on her features as well—her light brown eyes, her curly jet black hair, her smile which was in full force.

“It’s okay.” he finally said, a smile forming. “I’m sure you’ve been getting much worse treatment all day.”

“You don’t even know.”

He offered his hand. “I’m Dan.”

“Alexa.”

“Alexa,” he paused, taking in her features once again. “I know I literally just met you, but is there any chance you would want to grab coffee after this? I know a place around the block.”

“Uh…” she paused, glancing around at the other students. “Just us?”

“Well… Yeah.”

She glanced down at her phone briefly, taking note of the time. She had promised Lin that she’d be home by 3, and it was already 2:45.

“Sure.”

Are you home yet, mija?

As Alexa moved above ground after the meeting had ended, she received a very telling text message from her father.

Hanging out with a friend. I’ll be home for dinner.

As soon as the message had sent she turned her phone on do not disturb, wanting to give Dan her full attention.

She did just that as they sat at the cafe around the corner.

“So where are you from?” he asked, once they had ordered.

“I was born in Florida, but I mostly grew up in rural Alabama.”

“Y—” he glanced at her briefly, waiting for the punchline of a joke. “Really?”

She nodded. “Exciting, I know. The south is already bad enough if you’re black let alone adopted, but I moved around a lot ended up in New York over the summer.”

“Oh, like, in foster homes?” he asked. “I’m sorry if that’s weird to ask—”

“I’m not ashamed of my past.” she crossed her legs under the table, her ballet flat grazing his leg. “Just grateful that my current foster parents stepped in when they did.”

“Right, yeah.” he smiled.

A waitress stopped at their table, setting their cups of coffee in front of them.

“My story isn’t nearly as interesting.” he started, taking a sip of his own. Just grew up in Williamsburg. Still in Williamsburg.”

“Oh, Williamsburg! That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to go there. I heard it’s supposed to have like… The best coffee in the world.”

“It definitely beats out this Manhattan crap.” he quipped, receiving a steady laugh in response.

“My mom mostly works mostly across the country as a producer and my dad’s a musician.” Dan continued. “He’s on tour pretty often, so he’s out a lot too. It’s just me and my fourteen-year-old sister Rebecka.”

“On tour, huh? Anyone I’ve heard of?” she added a touch of sugar to her coffee, using a spoon to stir it in.

“I don’t usually like to talk about it…” he started, blushing.

“It can’t be worse than being related to the guy who wrote Hamilton.” she pointed out with a smile.

“It’s uh… it’s George Abrams.”

Alexa nearly dropped the cup that she was carefully holding in both hands. “Your dad is George Abrams? He’s like a 90’s rock legend.”

Dan shrugged, still blushing. “He’s just my dad.”

“Right,” she nodded slowly. “No, that’s cool. I mean I can’t even begin to relate your experience to mine. You were kind of born with a famous parent. I obviously didn’t have the same experience.”

“You get used to it after a while. Although I will admit, some of the stuff that he has collected from his world tours over the years is insane. You should come by and see it one time.”

“That would be awesome.” Her hand instinctively reached for her curls, a move that typically only occurred when she was flirting.

Am I flirting? she asked herself, glancing carefully across the table at Dan. He was all smiles, his eyes fixated on her.

I guess it can’t hurt she concluded, placing her other hand flat on the table in hopes that he would take the bait. He did, reaching his own hand out to graze hers.

A shrill ringing sound emerged from her messenger bag and interrupted them.

“Sorry,” she pulled away, frustrated, digging for her phone.

It was Vanessa calling.

“What?” She demanded, obviously upset.

“I need you to pick up Sebastian from daycare.” Vanessa started, disregarding Alexa’s irate tone of voice.

“I’m in the middle of something.”

“Lex, I’m serious. I need your help here.” her mother insisted. “It would mean a lot if you could do this.”

“I just told you I’m in the middle of something! Have Lin do it.”

“He went to the theatre early. You told me you wanted to start relating to me more—this is a great way to start.”

Alexa rolled her eyes as she hung up, tossing her phone back into her bag.

“Is everything okay?” Dan asked, watching her put her things together.

“Not really… I have to go.”

“Oh,”

“Yeah, my foster dad and I are really close. With my foster mom, however… it’s a work in progress. I need to go pick up their son. I’m really sorry.” She pulled out her wallet, tossing a ten dollar bill on the table.

“It’s okay, I’ll just see you at school tomorrow.” he stood up.

“Yeah, of course.” She hugged him, kissing his cheek as she pulled back. “See you tomorrow!”

-

The next morning was an uncomfortable one. Alexa awoke nauseated, bloated, and triggered by the smell of breakfast cooking.

As she left her room that morning dressed for school and headed to the kitchen, an all too peppy Lin greeted her, singing at the top of his lungs.

“Goooooood mooooorrrrrniiiing, Gen! Happy second day of schooooooool!”

“Dude,” she groaned, setting her bag down on the table as she sat. “Please.”

“Wouuuuuld you like some breeeeaaakfast?” he offered, directing to the pan he was busy cooking with.

Alexa dry heaved, disgusted at the sight of bacon frying in the pan.

“I’ll pass, thanks.” “It’s the most important meal of the day!” he reminded her, holding up a piece of bacon with the pair of tongs in his hand.

“Seriously, I’m fine. That smells disgusting. My digestive system has been terrible lately.”

“Oh speaking of,” he paused, placing the bacon onto a plate nearby and turning the stove off. “Have you done your treatment since you got out of state care?”

Alexa groaned. “I did it just before I left.”

“That was almost two weeks ago.” he pointed out. “You’re supposed to do it twice a week.”

“I’ve been… busy.” she insisted. “Readjusting to life back at home and starting school… my immunodeficiency hasn’t been a priority.”

“It has to be. No wonder your stomach is so messed up.”

“My stomach is always messed up.” she pointed out.

“You know what I meant.” he paused, placing the bacon onto a plate nearby and turning the stove off.

“If you’re done lecturing me on my health, can I go to school now?”

“I’m not done,” he took a piece of bacon from the plate, taking a bite and offering some to her. She quickly refused. “It’s unrelated but important. Vanessa told me about yesterday—”

“You mean how she insisted that my go pick Sebastian was somehow going to improve our relationship?”

“Not the words I would’ve used, but yes.”

“I was busy. I was having coffee with a new friend and she kind of ruined it.”

“Lex, V is doing her best to relate to you, but it can be tough sometimes. You and I had plenty of time to get to know each other over the summer at the Public. Give her a chance to do the same. She’s a great mother.”

She shook her head. “I don’t do well with mom’s.”

“Did something happen in the past?” he curiously pressed.

“Nothing that I’m willing to discuss over bacon.”

“Vanessa’s nothing like that.” he insisted. “She’s the kindest, most genuine person I’ve met. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Alexa rolled her eyes.

“You gave me a chance and you said you’d be willing to do the same for her.”

“Maybe I’m not there yet.”

“You guys could bond over something you have in common.”

“Yeah, you always know how I talk about wanting to be an engineer.” she rolled her eyes again, the sarcasm thick.

“Hey, you and V both love frozen yogurt… maybe you could go get some together.”

She dry heaved again. “Could we not talk about food right now?”

Before he could respond, she rushed off to the bathroom.

Hunched over the toilet, she vomited once, followed by several dry heaves.

As she stood up, preparing to re-brush her teeth, she saw Lin standing in the doorway in the mirror.

“Are you okay?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Never better.��� she quipped, reaching for her toothbrush. “I think I’m gonna skip breakfast.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t go to school today.” he suggested.”

“Lin, she started. “I’ve gone to school in much worse condition. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay…” He walked back down the hallway towards the kitchen. “But if you want to go home, just give me a call! And remember what I said about Vanessa!”

-

The train ride to school that morning was almost unbearable. Partially because of nausea, but also because certain muscles in her body had become overwhelmingly tender. Her messenger bag sat uncomfortably on her shoulder, heavily irritating her chest. By the time she had reached her destination, her symptoms had not improved. She slowly trudged to her locker only to find Dan waiting there to greet her.

“Hey,” he smiled before getting a closer look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I thi—” her sentence was cut short by the feeling of bile rising in the back of her throat. She rushed to the bathroom across the hall, locking herself in the handicapped stall before releasing the containments of her stomach—which wasn’t much—into the toilet. She hunched over, feeling the cramps in her torso worsen as her stomach contracted.

When it was over, she was on her knees, her hair carefully hung on the outside of the seat.

She sighed, standing up and moving towards the sink to wash her face.

When Dan saw her exit the bathroom, he offered his only unopened bottle of water. She graciously accepted.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“I’m pretty sure like ninety percent of what just came out of me was stomach acid, but yeah I’m fine.”

“Good.” he pulled a ten dollar bill from his pocket, the same one that Alexa had left on the table the day before. “Hamilton’s glad to hear that.” He handed the bill to her.

“What is this?”

“You dropped it yesterday.” he reminded her.

“Yeah… to pay for my coffee.”

“I took care of it. Here, you can keep it.”

“Dan…” She attempted to hand the bill back. “It’s fine. I can pay for my own coffee.”

“I know, but I took care of it.” He thought back to her rush to the bathroom earlier, eager to change the subject. “You should probably eat something before class. At least it’ll keep the stomach acid down.”

“Come with me?” she asked. Dan nodded and they made their way to the dining hall. Inside was an array of breakfast options that were certainly worthy of a hefty tuition. With it came an overwhelming aroma that made Alexa dry heave as soon as she stepped in the room. She stepped back out to avoid worsening the feeling.

“I think I’m just gonna go to class,” she suggested. “I’ll see you around.”

At noon, the cramps had seceded while the other symptoms worsened. While the other students entered the cafeteria for lunch, Alexa stood outside.

The smell was unbearable. She had no desire to get sick for a third time that day and gave in, headed to the nurse’s office.

She’d listed off her symptoms, the bloating, nausea and vomiting, the fatigue, the cramps, and the muscle tenderness. The nurse, a middle-aged white woman who managed to look consistently bitter, visibly rolled her eyes in response.

“Are you sexually active?” she asked, reaching into her desk.

“No.”

The nurse glanced up at her. “Miss, I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”

“I’m not,” she shot back. Being a virgin wasn’t exactly something she wanted to brag about, but it was true.

The nurse pulled a small cardboard box out of her desk, handing it to the teen.

“Go to the restroom, follow the instructions on the box, and bring it back when you’re done.”

The box clearly read Pregnancy Test across the front, which made it clear to Alexa that the nurse didn’t believe her.

“Whatever.” She scoffed, bringing the test with her.

In the tiny bathroom stall, she removed the test from its packaging and stared back it. It was taunting her with its simplicity.

She removed the cap on the far end, carefully sliding it between her legs and using it as instructed. The results were still pending as she capped the test and walked back to the nurse’s office.

A change on the display alerted them to the results, a plus sign.

“You’re pregnant.” the nurse announced unenthusiastically.

“This is a joke.” Alexa rolled her eyes back. “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing. I told you I’ve never had sex. That test is probably defective. It looks older than you.”

“I can’t say we’ve had a pregnant girl at Columbia Prep before, but I suppose there’s a first for everything. Especially considering your…” she paused. “Situation.”

“What situation?” Alexa demanded, glaring at the nurse. “That I’m black, that I was adopted two months ago, that I live in the heights or that my parents are Latinx and therefore unfit?”

The nurse ignored the question, unwilling to put her job at risk. “If you’re still feeling sick, I can call your parents and have one of them come get you. Just move to the cot over there.”

“Racist.” she muttered under her breath, angrily grabbing her bag as she made her way to the cot on the far end of the room.

-

“Okay let’s skip ahead to light cue 145, sound cue 11, and stage cue 78.”

At the Richard Rodgers theatre, the cast and crew were changing up some of the show’s lighting cues a few hours before the afternoon matinee at 2 pm. The stage manager was hard at work, directing everyone through the motions so that they could enter the correct cues into their system.

The actors were still, silent onstage waiting for direction while the lighting technicians were quietly discussing the correct cues upstairs. In the midst of a silence, there was a loud ringing noise, someone’s cell phone.

Tommy Kail, working alongside the show’s stage manager, glanced up at the stage for the source of the sound. “Who didn’t turn their phone off?”

All of the actors onstage glanced at one another briefly. Once Lin realized it was his phone, he blushed.

“Oh shit, my bad!” he pulled his phone out. “That was me.”

Hesitating for a moment, he glanced at the call not recognizing the strange number and picked it up. “Hello?”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Take five, everyone. Lin has a very important phone call to take.”

Everyone else left their positions.

“Sorry, who am I speaking with?”

The voice of an older white woman greeted him, making it clear that she was unsure of how to properly pronounce his name and wasn’t going to bother to try.

“This is Lin-Manuel Miranda, who is this?”

“I’m the nurse at Columbia Prep. Your daughter Alexa is in the infirmary with me and she needs to be picked up. She’s been vomiting all day and—”

The nurse paused. While it may have been practical to inform him of the pregnancy test, she wasn’t sure it was her place to do so. From the other side of the room, Alexa sat up from her curled fetal position. She waited, holding her breath, to see if the nurse would say anything.

“Well, she’s not feeling well.”

“Is she okay?” he demanded, the concern in his voice catching the attention of those in the theatre. “Did anyone get hurt?”

“No sir, not mentally. She’s just physically ill.”

“Oh,” he took a sigh of relief that he wasn’t proud of. The fact that he was so sure she’d had a mental breakdown that involved another student getting hurt was nothing if not slightly unsettling. He was grateful that wasn’t the case. “So she’s with you?”

“Can I talk to him?” Alexa demanded, interrupting their conversation.

“She wants to talk to you.” the nurse announced as Alexa slowly walked back toward the desk.

“Hey, Lin.”

“Hey kiddo, still not feeling well?”

“I must have a 24-hour virus or something. My hormones are off.” she glared at the nurse. “I think I should sleep it off.“

“I’ll come and get you.” he offered, already headed to his dressing room to pick up his things.

“What? No, you’re at work. I’ll just sleep in the nurse’s office until school ends. You shouldn’t leave, it’s too important.”

“Too late, I’m already leaving.” He threw everything he needed into his bag before slinging it over his shoulder and heading toward the exit. “Stay put. I’ll be there soon.”

There was a number of questioning looks he received on his way out.

“Lex is sick.” he explained to the stage manager, who seemed suddenly concerned.

“Oh, is she…” he paused, pretending to scratch his arms.

“Oh, no.” he was quick to reassure them that this wasn’t a mental breakdown similar to the one she’d had a little over a week beforehand. “She’s just been throwing up all day. I’m gonna go get her. Put Javi in for the rest of the run through. I should be back for the matinee.”

Lin opted for a cab uptown, arriving promptly and heading to the infirmary to find his daughter curled up on a cot at the far end of the room.

When she heard him come in, a look of concern crossed her face.

“What are you doing here?”

“I told you I was coming.”

Alexa glanced at the nurse, who seemed confused at their exchange. She lowered her voice to a whisper.

“I thought we agreed you weren’t coming because work is more important?”

“We never agreed on that because it isn’t true,” he whispered back. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“But…” she seemed desperate for answers. “Work is always more important.”

It was clear that something had triggered her, though Lin wasn’t sure what it was.

“Little girls who stay home from school get punished.” the thought passed through her consciousness as if she’d heard it yesterday, though she hadn’t heard the phrase in years.

Suddenly she backed away from him, up against the wall.

“I’m fine. I’m not sick. I’ll go to class. I’m sorry for making you come all the way over—”

“Hey,” he sat beside her on the cot, trying to interrupt her thoughts for a moment. “You didn’t make me come here. I wanted to come, okay? I’ll take you home and you can sleep it off.”

As expected, her medication helped her calm down a lot faster than she would typically be able to on her own. She paused for a moment.

“I promise, nothing bad will happen to you,” he reassured her. “We’ll go home, you can get some sleep and hopefully you’ll start to feel better.”

“You promise?” she pressed, still hesitant.

“I promise.”

She grabbed his hand for support, following him out of the infirmary and to the cab waiting outside.

“Just hang out here. I’ll make you some tea.” As they got home a few minutes later, Lin helped her over to the couch, putting a blanket over the length of her body before moving away to the kitchen. She had calmed down significantly on the car ride home, taking long calming breaths to ease her anxiety.

“So did the nurse say exactly what was wrong with you?” he questioned from the kitchen.

“Uh,” Alexa paused. While she was certain she wasn’t pregnant, having never had sex, she wasn’t too open to the idea of sharing everything that happened with him. “Nothing useful.” she finally said. “Just offered to call you.”

“You’re right, that isn’t very useful.” He placed the full kettle on the stove, before turning on the burner and returning to the couch to sit beside her. “Maybe we should take you back to the doctor.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Hopefully they’re better at their job than that shitty nurse is.”

“Are you hungry? Did you eat at school?”

She shook her head before placing a pillow underneath it to protect her neck. “The smell of everything made me want to vomit.”

“Hold on,” he stood up, headed back to the kitchen. “I think Vanessa bought saltine crackers last week.”

Digging through the pantry, he found a small box of saltines in the back with the package half empty. He grabbed the whole thing, handing it to her.

“That’s all we have, but I’ll go pick up some more—”

Alexa made a noise of protest, turning onto her stomach. “You should go back to work. That’s more important.”

The kettle began to whistle, calling Lin to attention before he could respond.

“Lex, do you want anything in your tea?”

“A spoonful of honey please.”

“Got it.” He prepared it as requested before carefully handing it to her.

She sat up and took a sip, sighing, content.

“This helps a lot.”

“I’m glad.” he kissed her forehead. “Are you sure you don’t want me to pick up more saltines?”

“Go back to work. I’ll be fine here.”

“Okay… but call me if you need anything.”

“Phone’s on,” she assured him. “I’m probably just gonna take a nap. I’m exhausted.”

“Alright well… V’s going to some work event later and I’ll be on tonight, so we’ll probably both be back around midnight. Unless you need me to come back—”

“Oh my god, Lin, go back to rehearsal.”

Lin smirked, picking up his bag and heading out of the apartment.

-

On her own, the silence was deafening. She could feel the fatigue overwhelming her, but sleep was far off. On paper, she had almost every symptom of early pregnancy. She never really had consistent periods, didn’t she need that to get pregnant?

No. No way. She couldn’t be pregnant because she was a virgin. Virgins didn’t get pregnant. Well, except for that one tv show, but that was fake and didn’t count.

The test I took must’ve been defective she assured herself. If I took another test, there’s no way it would come up positive.

That reassurance, however, did not help her get to sleep any faster.

She threw the blanket off.

“Fucking fine.” she groaned and took a large swig of tea from the mug before picking up her messenger bag and heading out.

The nearest pharmacy was five blocks away, a small business on the corner. She headed in, gravitating toward the refrigerated aisle. She grabbed a large can of Arizona tea—only a dollar, respectively—and left in search of her other purchase.

There they were, at eye level between the tampons and the condoms—pregnancy tests. She examined them carefully, reading each label and what special feature they boasted.

She could feel her heart pounding, her palms sweaty.

This is ridiculous she thought to herself. I’m not pregnant.

One box, in particular, caught her eye, a test boasting its ability to show how far along you were. It came in a pack of two, which she grabbed and headed to the register.

Behind the counter, the foreign older gentleman glared at her as she approached with her items.

“You’re too young to buy this.” His thick accent intruded her overwhelming thoughts.

“There’s no age limit on buying pregnancy tests.” she shot back.

“A young body like yours is too valuable to carry a child.” he insisted. “You could do much better with it elsewhere.”

“Do you want my money or not you fucking pervert?” A wad of cash in hand, Alexa glared at the man behind the counter as he placed her items in a small black plastic bag.

“Twenty-four fifty,” he announced, taking the twenty-five dollars she handed him. He passed two quarters back, watching her carefully as she left the store.

Before heading down the street, she pulled her phone out of the pocket of her skirt—her uniform still on from her time at school—opening Spotify. A quick typed search for In the Heights brought up the album of Lin’s first broadway show, a production she’d virtually never heard of. Cautiously, she tapped the first song, placed her headphones over her ears, and took the slow route home, open Arizona can in hand.

The song was still playing as she got home, tossing the now empty can in the trash. She made her way to the bathroom, the box burning a hole into her palm

She tossed the instructions aside for later, sitting on the toilet seat and carefully positioning the test between her legs.

Once it was over, she recapped the test placing it flat on the counter. It was a three-minute wait.

I’m not pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I command myself not to be pregnant.

The test flashed a result on its screen, a tiny display that read

Pregnant

2+

Alexa dropped the test, her heart pounding. This couldn’t be real. It had to be some kind of dream.

She grabbed the instructions, skimming them again, desperately seeking answers.

Under her result read a paragraph about conception, how the result had concluded that she conceived three or more weeks prior.

“What the fuck,” she managed, trying not to hyperventilate. She pulled her phone out, stopping the music and pulling up her calendar in the hope that a date would jog her memory of something. Perhaps an artificial insemination that she’d agreed to in an exhausted state—being a surrogate mother was a well-paying gig nowadays.

She scrolled back to two weeks prior. Nothing. Three weeks. Nothing.

“This makes no sense,” she said aloud. “There is no way I could possibly be pregnant. I’ve never had se—.”

There it was, a Thursday four weeks back. There was an event marked on her calendar entitled:

Party tonight at CP!

Memories flashed through her mind of the following day, where she was offered a Plan B pill at the hospital, took it, left to shower, and promptly got sick only minutes later giving it virtually no chance to enter her system.

She could feel the breath leave her lungs all at once, her mind going numb.

She had never considered this.

It wasn’t something one considered after having been through what she had.

She dropped her phone—or rather, it fell out of her hands—landing on the tiled bathroom floor. She put the test into the garbage can, covering it with the other items to keep it out of sight.

Her instincts brought her to the kitchen, where she easily bypassed the child lock on the liquor cabinet. She pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey, an unopened bottle of vodka, and dug through the freezer for a tequila bottle stashed away.

The three bottles in front of her on the counter, she debated which one would be the easiest to chug. She opted for the vodka, popping the cap and downing the bitter liquid. She hesitated for a moment, the burn in the back of her throat causing her to cough, but continued anyway. It would be unpleasant, sure, but it was the easiest thing she could think of to get rid of the thing that was supposedly growing inside of her. Within minutes, the bottle was empty.

The other two bottles stared back at her, making her feel self-conscious. She left the kitchen, pacing the length of the entire house before returning to the same two bottles. Her hand reached for the empty vodka bottle, holding it for a moment before smashing it against the granite countertop. It shattered, leaving glass everywhere and cutting her palm open.

“Fuck,” she winced, clutching the palm to her chest. The blood quickly spread to her white polo, a fact that she didn’t seem to notice as she reached for the whiskey.

Twisting the cap open, she felt nothing as the bottle reached her lips, swallowing as fast as she could. The whiskey was stronger, more demanding. She could feel her throat screaming for a break, but she pressed on until the bottle was empty. The dangers of her decisions were far from her mind as she dropped the whiskey bottle on the tile floor. It didn’t shatter like she hoped it would.

She could feel the alcohol coursing through her as she paced the house again, her hand leaving a trail of blood as she walked.

Returning to the counter, the last bottle sat, waiting for her. She pulled the cork out, taking a swig.

It came then suddenly, like a truck hitting a brick wall. The effects of her binge drinking arrived hard and fast, knocking her down. She managed to pull the tequila off of the counter with her, the glass shattering on the floor beside her as she lay, numb.

-

“Do you think she’s allergic to something?”

Lin shook his head. “That can’t be it because she didn’t eat anything this morning.”

Vanessa held her sleeping son close, waiting for Lin to pull out his keys to open their front door. They were greeted by an empty couch, a surprise to both of them. Lin glanced at his watch.

“It’s after midnight. She’s probably asleep.” he concluded.

“I’m gonna put Sebastian to bed,” she whispered, starting toward the hallway. As she passed the kitchen, however, she paused, speechless, staring at the ground.

“What’s up, V?” he moved to her side, curious as to what she was so preoccupied with. His jaw nearly hit the ground at the sight of the kitchen floor.

Alexa was there, unconscious, broken glass and spots of blood surrounding her. Her hand was obviously impaled, a large puddle of blood surrounding it.

“Holy shit.”

[jikook-love]

E[Love]

PART 1 | calculate the expectation of love.

student!jungkook + tutor!jimin = math!jikook ;)

OR

alternatively, 16k+ of self-indulgent romantic crack, unnecessary dialogue and really bad math humour as reluctant math major Jungkook sets out on his quest for love.

Happy Valentine’s Day~!  ♥ This is for @gracefulweather! She should know I probably destroyed my midterm mark thanks to her. 

read the full story on AO3

“ARGH! I don’t wanna study anymore! Why am I even in this program?!”

The sudden outburst from second year Mathematics & Statistics major Jeon Jungkook startled some of the other students in the library, some of whom threw him the dirtiest look.

“Pipe down, won’t you?” Kim Seokjin—4th Year Honours Statistics and Vice-President of the Math Council—whispered, looking embarrassed for the younger, bespectacled boy. “Second year isn’t that bad. You’ll get it soon.”

“Says you who has the fucking smartest boyfriend in the entire university, probably,” Jungkook snapped, pulling off his glasses in frustration.

“He’s definitely not the smartest, and are you suggesting I leeched off him?” Seokjin scoffed. “It’s not like he wrote my exams for me.”

“Whatever,” Jungkook pouted as he slammed his head down into his books. “I don’t think I can memorize another probability distribution. Not that it matters anyway. I’m not passing that damn course.”

Seokjin sipped his coffee nonchalantly as he stared at Jungkook. “Tell me. Why are you even in this program anyway? Did you even like math in high school?”

“No,” Jungkook groaned, as he slumped further into papers.

“Well…you’re certainly not very good at it,” Seokjin said bluntly. “So why math?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Jungkook blurted, eyes wide. “I honestly don’t know!”

Seokjin sighed. “So in the end you’re one of those people,” he spoke. “You have no appreciation for this art of numbers, the poetry of proofs…nor the satisfaction of solving an arduous problem late after midnight.”

“More like finally finding the answer on Google,” Jungkook muttered under his breath.

“I’m serious,” Seokjin said firmly. “Why do you think math professors are all like ‘I would wed the numbers if I could’? There’s just something about it, man. How do you think I managed to stay single for so long? That pure pleasure from drawing the complete of proofs square or writing QED at 3 a.m.…it’s more than enough.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Jungkook gaped, disgusted by his older friend’s descriptions.

Jungkook would never appreciate math. Never. Ever. Even if he was in this program, there was always that inner part of him that wanted to scream “nerd” and laugh at every aspiring math major who walked by. He hated that sense of elitism that they all seemed to have—Seokjin and his overachieving, go-hard boyfriend Namjoon included: so what if you can calculate a triple integral or memorize the equation for a Gamma distribution? It really shouldn’t make you any better than other people.

 “Oi, did you hear me?” Seokjin’s voice came back into his mind.

“Sorry. I was trying to remember things that should be better off forgotten,” Jungkook grimaced.

“Like your midterm marks?” Seokjin snorted. “Anyways, I was saying you should try getting a tutor for your courses.”

“That’s not going to work though,” Jungkook whined, adjusting the collar of his hoody. “At this point, I don’t even know what I don’t know.”

“And that’s where the tutor comes in,” Seokjin said. “I know this guy—you may know him too actually. You know Taehyung, right? He’s in your classes.”

Jungkook snorted. “Do I know Taehyung?” Jungkook repeated mockingly. “I tried studying together with him once. Somehow, we ended up at a park somewhere at 3 a.m. eating frozen yogurt and dancing around a tree—we both failed the linear algebra assignment together after that so you might not want him to tutor me.”

“Wow, you’re practically besties,” Seokjin said, rolling his eyes. “It’s not him that I was going to suggest but he has a friend who’s really good at math. The guy’s looking for a part time job right now too so maybe he could help you out.”

“Wait, you want me to pay for this shit?” Jungkook gaped. “Hey, I’m broke, remember? Student life? We don’t all have daddies to take care of us you know?”

“Namjoon is not my daddy.”

 “I was talking about your actual father but your guilty conscience seems to be off the walls today,” Jungkook snorted loudly. “You should’ve seen your face when you said that. Such a serious expression. ‘Namjoon is not my—‘‘”

“For a dude who’s supposed to be quiet you sure are talking a lot today.” Seokjin was quite flustered at this point. “So do you want my help or not?”

“Okay, okay fine,” Jungkook grumbled. “I’ll give it a shot…but do I really have to pay for it?”

Seokjin shrugged. “Maybe if he likes you enough, he’d do it for free.”

“…maybe I can pay for it with my body.”

“Jeon Jungkook, ever since you entered second year you keep making jokes like that and it doesn’t really sit well with me,” Seokjin reprimanded. “You used to be so cute and innocent…what happened?”

“This freaking school happened. And who said I was joking? Maybe I really have no alternative at this point,” Jungkook responded.

Seokjin let out another exasperated sigh. “You know what, I think I’m done listening to you for today,” he concluded as he packed up his books. “I’ll message you Jimin’s e-mail and then you can do whatever you want with it.”

Jungkook stared at Seokjin as he pulled his backpack onto his shoulders. “Wait, who’s Jimin?

“The guy who’s hopefully gonna tutor you,” Seokjin answered. “You don’t know him? Park Jimin? 3rd Year Math & Stats? He actually has quite the reputation around here.”

“No…should I?” Jungkook narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “He’s not one of those dudes, is he?”

“Jungkook, I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about 50% of the time.”

“You know, one of those arrogant nerdy pricks that you and Namjoon like to hang around for some reason.”

“He’s nothing like that at all. And we don’t hang around people like that! You just have to get to know them.”

“This is why I don’t trust you.”

“It’ll be fine,” Seokjin reassured. “Just…give it a chance. Who knows? Maybe if you’re not so focussed on just being closed away all the time, perhaps you can learn to be commutative and associative with others as well…perhaps even gain an identity.”

“You disgust me.”

“Now that’s the inverse of what I wanted to hear.”

 It was already 12:50 a.m. Instead of finishing up his calculus assignment like he was supposed to, Jeon Jungkook was on Facebook, messaging Taehyung, though it was partly because he’d gotten distracted while trying to search up the solution on Google.

 Taehyung: how’s anal going by the way?

Jungkook: it is absolutely painful. i can’t even go to class anymore because it hurts so much

Taehyung: hmm. sucks to suck. i warned you not to take it so early.

Jungkook: i was young and foolish. i get it.

 Jungkook sighed as he stared over to his neglected analysis (or “anal”, as him and Taehyung preferred to call it) textbooks, ones that he had bought brand new from the bookstore and hadn’t opened since.

 Jungkook: so u know this jimin dude?

Taehyung: ya. we were best bros in high school

Jungkook: wat about now?

Taehyung: i mean obviously still but now he’s involved in a bunch of things and i'm just trying to pass lin alg so…

Taehyung: i mean we still meet up occasionally

Jungkook’s curiosity had been piqued before he could help himself. He typed the words Park Jimin into the Facebook search bar.

Jungkook: what does he look like?

Taehyung: black hair, short. idk how to describe him. i think he pretty plain. compared to me.

 Jungkook found himself groaning before he could help it. Ugh, one of those people again. After scrolling through two pages of “Park Jimin”s with black hair, Jungkook decided to give up.

 Taehyung: yo, how da fuq do you do question 3? what the hell is he even trying to ask

Jungkook: LOL ur asking me

Taehyung: screw it i'm going to sleep. ill do it in the morning

Jungkook: …it’s due at 9:30

Taehyung: i said. ill do it in the morning

 And then he was gone, leaving Jungkook alone to contemplate the mystery that was Park Jimin, along with the massacre that was Question 3.

The Facebook message tone rang out again, and though Jungkook had expected it be to Taehyung, it was Seokjin instead. He opened to tab to see one line of e-mail, which undoubtedly had to be Park Jimin’s.

Jungkook stared at the address for a few seconds. Ugh. Who even uses e-mail anymore?

Deciding he had nothing better to do (mostly because question three gave him a headache just to look at), he opened up a new tab and logged into his e-mail, before promptly entering the address that had been given to him.

Hmmm….how should I word this? He had never really tried to e-mail another student professionally before, nor did he know what level of formality to use when addressing this person. Was he a stick in the mud? Was he chill like Taehyung? Jungkook had no clue, and the more he thought about it, the more discouraged he got: he was actually going to try and get help from a dude whom he had never met before. Was he really this desperate?

Exhaling to release any sliver of useless pride he had left, Jungkook brought his fingers to the keyboard and typed to his best discretion:

  J, Jungkook

Tutoring Help

Hey,

My name is Jungkook and my friend Seokjin introduced you to me and said you could potentially tutor me.

Let me know if this is possible and when we can meet up.

Thanks,

Jungkook

  Jungkook read it over. Once. Twice. After another deep sigh, he recollected himself and pressed send before he could hesitate any longer.

Deciding he had messed around long enough, he promptly turned his attention back to the dreaded question 3. Despite the dizziness he was already feeling in his brain due to the ungodly hour, he boldly picked up his pencil and decided to bullshit through the problem as best as he could.

Ping!

Jungkook nearly jumped at the sudden noise amidst the quiet.

Who’s e-mailing me at this time?  Jungkook wondered as he grabbed his phone to check the notification.

He certainly did not expect to see what he saw.

  Park, Jimin

Re: Tutoring Help

Hey Jungkook! I would love to…

 That was fast. Before he knew it, Jungkook had already unlocked his phone, eager to read the rest of the message.

  Park, Jimin

Re: Tutoring Help

Hello Jungkook!

I would love to try and help! Any friend of Jin’s is a friend of mine!

I know it’s short notice but I’m actually quite free tomorrow if you wanted to meet up.

What times are you free tomorrow? We could discuss things over coffee if you’d like!

 Regards,

Park Jimin

 Jungkook scrunched his nose up in annoyance, feeling turned off by the formal grammar and perfect mail syntax and lack of spelling errors and what kind of person even signs their mail with “regards” anymore? Jungkook scoffed at himself. This was only getting more and more hopeless. Despite that, Jungkook wasn’t really in the mood to hurt the guy’s feelings (yet) seeing as Jimin was so eager to respond. He decided to go along with it for now.

  J, Jungkook

Re: Re: Tutoring Help

sounds good. how about 11 at the math café? and do you have facebook or something that I can add you on to make this easier?

 He barely had to wait a minute to hear the notification ping again.

  Park, Jimin

Re: Re: Re: Tutoring Help

That’s perfect!

And I’m really sorry but I don’t have Facebook. The only thing I use is e-mail so you can feel free to send me any questions or messages here! I’m usually fast at replying. I apologize for any inconvenience.

 I’ll see you tomorrow then, Jungkook! I’m off to bed now, have a good night!

Regards,

Park Jimin

 “That loser doesn’t have Facebook?!” Jungkook couldn’t help blurt aloud for no one but himself to hear. He was really, really regretting this now. This person clearly seemed like the most stick in the mud nerd in the world. He was still using perfect punctuation in his message, went to sleep early (well, 1 a.m. but still), and evidently still used e-mail as his main form of communication.

Needing an outlet for venting (and realizing it was now past hour of proper comprehension for question three), Jungkook decided to vent in the form of a single lined message to Kim Taehyung who was probably asleep by now and would probably see the bright, uplifting message in the morning:

 Jungkook: ugh. leave it to kim freaking seokjin to hook me up with the number one virgin nerd lord in the world.

  Jungkook sat patiently on one of the tall chairs at the Math Café, waiting for his nerd tutor to arrive.

It was barely 10:40 a.m., but he’d decided he had nothing better to do after handing in his assignment. Plus he wanted a good excuse not to start the next one. As Jungkook casually sipped his coffee, he could sense quite a lot of dirty looks being thrown at his direction, and he knew exactly why.

If he had to be completely frank with himself, Jungkook really didn’t want to be taught by this person, and he didn’t want to have to say that aloud at any point during their meeting. So instead, he resorted making himself look as unappealing as possible. So there he was, decked out in his old rotten sneakers that had a toe poking out of the right shoe, his old black shorts that he found stuffed between the wall and his bed that hadn’t washed in god knows how long, a pair of black, thick-rimmed fake glasses and a bright, blazing red hoodie that seemed to engulf him. As a bonus, he hadn’t even bothered to take a shower nor brush his hair after he had forced himself to wake up at 7 a.m despite that he only managed to finish the assignment at 4 a.m.

In other words, he looked like a very unfashionable zombie.

And honestly, he loved it. Jungkook was truly in his “fucks-I-give-none” element now.

The minutes started ticking by, and Jungkook kept his eye on the entrance for any sign of a preppily dressed nerd lord, potentially carrying a suitcase. He could only be complete with ugly glasses and maybe even a receding hairline at this rate.

Before he knew it, it was already 11:05 a.m., and no nerd lord in sight.

Jungkook felt slightly disappointed. So nerd lord isn’t as lawful as I thought he’d be.

Ding!

Jungkook’s Facebook messenger notification went off. He swiped to find out that Kim Taehyung was finally awake:

 Taehyung: shit. i forgot to do the assignment.

Taehyung: and wait. who’s a virgin nerd lord?

 Jungkook was about to respond when another message popped up.

 Taehyung: oh. you mean jimin? ya he’s a nerd alright.

Taehyung: maybe not a virgin but definitely a nerd ._.

Jungkook snickered to himself..

Jungkook: he seem like such a by the book guy dough :o

Taehyung: he is. have fun with him. LOL.

Jungkook: thanks L (he’s late btws)

Taehyung: lmao. still? dat boi never shows up on time to anything.

 Jungkook sighed. It was now 11:07 a.m., and still no nerd lord in sight. Jungkook was starting to tap his foot in impatience, contemplating if this was a good enough excuse to storm out and call it quits on this whole attempt.  

However, his attention was abruptly piqued when something suddenly caught his eye.

Or rather someone.

Jungkook grabbed his phone immediately.

 Jungkook: yo. dude. there's a really cute guy walking in rn. omg. were there even cute guys in math?

Taehyung: LOL. and r00d. and i'm in math, remember?

Jungkook: oh shiet. he's coming in here

Taehyung: talk to him.

Jungkook: he seems busy. he’s …dressed up all nicely.

Taehyung: white button up?

Jungkook: ya.

Jungkook: with a black tie.

Taehyung: L.O.L. might as well offer him your ass to him now.

Jungkook: he’s talking to people. he looking for sum1 MAYBE HE ON A DATE

Taehyung: who the fuck would go on a date at the math café

Jungkook: oh shiiiettt he getting closer. w/e I’m just gonna watch. he so out of my league lmao

Taehyung: oh kookie. no one’s out of your league. u just gotta believe

Jungkook: u don’t know what I look like rn. ._.

Taehyung: if you talk to him, i’ll give you five bucks

Jungkook: nah man, I’m gud. I’ll just be happy staring at him.

Jungkook: why the fuq is he so close now. he still talking to people. is he still looking for sum1. O.O

Taehyung: you wish he was looking for u LOL ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Taehyung: by the way. wat happened to ur tutor? no show? LOL.

 Jungkook was in the middle of typing “yeah I have no clue” when he suddenly sensed the presence of someone standing by his table.

“Excuse me?” The voice was nice. Smooth yet approachable.

He looked up.

His heart nearly jumped out of his throat.

It was the guy. The guy was at his table. And he was talking to him.

If Jungkook thought the boy was “acutey” from afar, he was freaking beautiful up close. He had silky black hair that draped nicely over the porcelain skin of his forehead. His lips were plump and pretty and pink and Jungkook’s mind was already going to indecent places upon seeing them up close. And what’s more, his slanted, brown eyes were captivating as anything, soft and gentle and the way they were slightly widened in expectancy made Jungkook want to grab him right then and there. And what’s more, he was dressed completely in the style that Jungkook was totally weak for: white shirt, black tie…and the way those form-fitting black pants hugged his…

But instead of letting all the beauty overwhelm his senses and distract him completely, Jungkook suddenly became extremely aware of what he personally looked like, and immediately regretted all of his life decisions.

“Um…can I—uh, like, help you…or something?” Jungkook managed to stutter out very awkwardly.  

“Are you Jeon Jungkook by any chance?” the boy smiled.

Jungkook felt his breath catch in his throat. How does he know my name?  Jungkook’s brain (slightly abnormal from the lack of sleep) was spinning. Destiny, it has to be destiny, he concluded.

Jungkook coughed. “Yeah. I am.”

The boy’s smile widened. It was blinding.  

His brain was running haywire. This is it. This is my reward for suffering in this program for so long. He’s gonna tell me I’m the only sin of pi over two for him. I finally get a sexy boyfriend. Yes, yes, YES—

“I’m Park Jimin, your tutor?” the boy said, still smiling. “We emailed each other last night?”

Jungkook’s smile disappeared as he suddenly lost balance and fell out of his chair in surprise. He crashed harshly to the ground—much like the reality surrounding him at that moment.

  “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD A HOT BEST FRIEND?” Jungkook screamed immediately upon bursting into Taehyung’s room.

Taehyung groaned from his bed. “Why do I feel like—wow, you look ratchet—this has happened before in some alternate universe?”

“What does that even mean?” Jungkook blabbered. “Anyways, I totally made a fool of myself.”

“How bad could it be? It’s you after all,” Taehyung grinned.

“I fell out of my chair.”

Taehyung blinked. “How—”

“It just got exponentially worse, ok?” Jungkook sighed. “I was already tired from the three hours of sleep and then he came up to me which was already not okay and then he just throws the bomb—”

“I think you meant ‘drops the bomb’,” Taehyung mumbled.

“—and I’m lucky I didn’t die, okay? I thought my heart was going to stop. And what nerd lord? I’m sorry, but that ass alone—I’m telling you it has like…no upper bound if ya know what I’m saying.”

Taehyung glared at Jungkook. “What does that even mean? That doesn’t even make sense. His ass is a freaking parabola, of course it has an upper bound—why are you even fast tracking third year analysis—anyways, first of all, you assumed he was the nerd lord. I only told you what I honestly think of him…besides, did he agree to tutor you in the end?”

Jungkook couldn’t help but allow a slight smile to crack onto his face.

“Yea…” he said quietly. He promptly received a pillow in the face.

“Ew. Quit acting like a smitten maiden, it’s grossing me out,” Taehyung grumbled. “But now that I think about it you two should totally date. He’s like your complement: you two complete each other.”

“Ha, as if I have a chance now,” Jungkook sighed. “I’m lucky he just laughed it off. But he probably thinks I’m a loser.”

“Well, he’d find out you’re a loser eventually anyways so it’s better now than later,” Taehyung noted.

Jungkook threw his friend the dirtiest look.

“Anyways, I love how you didn’t even bother putting two and two together: he was obviously your tutor. Why else would he go up to you? You think you’re cute or something?” Taehyung snickered.

Jungkook returned the pillow back to Taehyung with an aggressive throw (but missed). “Shut up. Unlike you, I didn’t have enough sleep last night.”

“Excuses. When do math majors ever get enough sleep? When do we even get anything? We’re all here because we secretly like the pain.”

“Last time I checked I wasn’t a masochist like you.”

“Check again, brother. We all are to some extent,” Taehyung grinned. “Anyways, when are you seeing him again?”

“Friday night,” Jungkook muttered.

“Where?”

“…my place.”

“Ooh.”

Ding dong!

The sound of the doorbell caused Jungkook to jump in his place, accidentally popping his collar up too high as he tried to adjust it.

“Omg, he’s here,” Jungkook muttered to himself, as he practically scampered over to the door and whipped it open.

“H—hey t—there…I mean…uh, sup?” Jungkook sputtered smoothly the moment he caught sight of his spiffy tutor.

Park Jimin blessed Jungkook with a pretty close lipped smile.

“Your grades should be after I’m done with you,” Jimin winked, brushing past Jungkook as he stepped inside.

Jungkook blinked, clearly too slow to get the quip. “What?”

“Where should I hang my coat up, Jungkook?” Jimin asked while Jungkook fumbled with the door.

“Uh—um, I can take it,” Jungkook said quickly, trying not to stare awkwardly as Jimin peeled off his coat. To anyone else, the familiar dress shirt, black tie and tight slacks may not have been the most arousing costume to reveal underneath, but Jeon Jungkook sure as hell tried to hide his gulp as he took the coat from Jimin.

Would it weird if I suddenly just buried my face into this and—yeah, yeah it would. Never mind. Jungkook shook the thoughts out of his mind as he quickly hung the coat in the closet.

“So, where do you want me?” Jimin asked.

“My bedroom,” Jungkook blurted.

“Excuse me?”

“Uh—I meant that we’d be studying i-in my room…y’know, cause there’s a desk and I-I cleared up a space f-for us,” Jungkook stuttered like the absolute value of a loser that he was. Oh my god, this speech issue needs to STOP.

“Oh okay,” Jimin nodded. “Sounds good. Lead the way.”

Jungkook nodded eagerly, and practically leapt two steps up the stairs as he took Jimin to his room. He’d spent the entire morning attempting to clean it up in order to potentially impress his evidently immaculate tutor.

Jungkook opened the door and showed Jimin to the sitting desk that he’d set up.

“You can set up here,” Jungkook gestured. “D-do you want some tea or something in the meantime?”

“It’s fine, let’s just get right to it,” Jimin smiled softly. Jungkook thought he felt his heart skip a beat when Jimin said that. He was weak. So, so weak right now.

And whether or not Jimin noticed, he did manage to say some comforting words: “Relax, I’m not here to make you feel incompetent or anything. I remember struggling insanely in my second year as well, so I’m the last person who’d make fun of you.”

“What year are you in now?” Jungkook asked as he settled down across from Jimin.

“Third,” Jimin smirked. “I’m not saying it gets better, but at this point, at least you’re used to it.”

“Wait…are you taking third year Real Analysis?”

“Yeah, why? Are you planning on taking it next year?”

“Well…things happened…and I’m actually taking the course right now…”

Jimin’s face lit up. “Actually? That means we’re in the same class! What are the chances…wait, how come I’ve never seen you before then?”

It’s because I never go to class, Jungkook thought shamefully. But he couldn’t let Jimin know. Fortunately, Jimin beat him to an excuse.

“Hmm…it’s probably because I always sit alone at the very front row, which is why I don’t see you,” Jimin noted.

“Y-yeah, that’s it,” Jungkook quickly agreed.

“Hey, we should totally sit together from now on!” Jimin blurted suddenly. “I could help you understand what the professor is saying and you…you can keep me company.”

Jungkook was speechless. It hadn’t even been ten minutes and he had already been offered a seat next to his tutor/eternal crush in lecture. For someone in the math program, that was like getting to second base…right? (At least that’s what Taehyung told him all the way in first year.)

Jimin suddenly let out a slight chuckle at Jungkook’s lack of response. “I’m sorry, you must think I’m such a loser,” he confessed awkwardlty. “The nerd that sits at the front of class. Alone. All my friends didn’t want to take the course because they thought it’d be too difficult.”

Jungkook immediately felt a surge of guilt for all the “nerd lord” comments.

“No! No way! Not at all!” Jungkook blabbered in a hurry, waving his hands everywhere. “I-I’ve always thought it was the cooler kids that sat at the front. You know, the ones that truly care and have connections with the prof and stuff.” The latter part, at least, was his genuine thought.

“If you say so,” Jimin smiled. “What about you? Why did you take the course early? You must’ve really liked second year analysis.”

“Um…well…” Jungkook shuffled uncomfortably in his place.

“It’s fine to admit you like it,” Jimin said. “I find it really interesting, personally. Even though I know it’s not exactly the easiest thing.”

“I…I was kind of pranked into taking it…”

“…what?”

Jungkook sighed. “One of my friends told me it would be an easy course to take a minute before course applications were due and…I believed him. I haven’t even taken the second year analysis. I’m just really lost and confused.”

Jimin appeared stunned. “You…you actually believed Analysis, an entire proof-based course, would be an easy course?”

Jungkook nodded unwillingly.

Jimin remained silent for a few more moments before he recovered enough to speak:

“Wow, Jungkook, you really are going to be a handful, aren’t you?”

  Jungkook screamed, shoving his head into his papers.

“I don’t get it!” he yelled.  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! We’ve already spent so much time and I just don’t understand. It’s a knot in my mind and I just—”

“Jungkook, relax—” Jimin tried as he reached out with his hands in an attempt to calm Jungkook down.

“—I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I’m totally gonna fail this course. I accept it now.”

“Jungkook, calm down….it’s only been five minutes.”

Jungkook’s head perked up. “What? Oh.” He scuffled away, looking embarrassed. “It felt a lot longer than that…”

Jimin laughed at Jungkook’s antics. “I’m sorry you felt that way,” Jimin smiled encouragingly. “I must’ve been a bad teacher then.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “No! No, no, no! That’s not it at all! I’m clearly just stupid, that’s all.”

“Don’t say that about yourself,” Jimin scolded. “I wouldn’t be teaching you if I knew you were hopeless.”

“But like you said, it’s only been five minutes,” Jungkook mumbled.

“Exactly, now flip back to that first lecture and let me teach you.”

Jungkook reluctantly flipped Jimin’s pages back to where they were before, trying to hide his blatant disregard for the topic.

“Don’t look so bored before you even started,” Jimin said as he hit Jungkook lightly on the shoulder. Though he didn’t want to admit it, Jungkook definitely felt a tiny shiver where his attractive teacher’s fingers had lingered.

“But…it’s such a dull topic,” Jungkook groaned, staring at the page of symbols that ought to have been familiar to him…but were not.

“Really? I don’t think so. Difficult to wrap your head around maybe, but definitely not boring,” Jimin stated.

Jungkook shuffled again. “Yeah, well…”

“I’ll do my best to persuade you by the end of all this,” Jimin grinned.

“You seem so passionate about this.”

“Well, of course,” Jimin said at once. “It’s learning how to rigorously prove why we do things the way we do: why we count the way we do, what numbers truly are, why things defined are the way they are. I mean, we only scratch the surface of it all by the end of the course but it’s still quite a beautiful concept. Just like all of math. It’s more abstract than you think. It’s like its own form of art.”

Jungkook couldn’t help but be drawn in by the genuine smile on Jimin’s face as he spoke all of these things that seemed worlds away from how Jungkook felt.

“Wow…” Jungkook uttered dumbly. “I never really thought about math that way…”

Jimin’s smile temporarily disappeared from his face as he turned to look at Jungkook.

“Really?!” Jimin seemed shocked. “Aren’t you in second year?”

Jungkook gulped.

Jimin tilted his head upwards in thought. “Hmm…well I guess it still hasn’t gotten too specific in second year. You still have time. Anyways, I think I’ve rambled on enough. Let’s go ahead and teach you how to prove two is an irrational number…”

Jungkook’s heart throbbed for Jimin as he diligently wrote out the proof for Jungkook, annotating verbally and in detail as he went. After seeing Jimin’s full dedication towards the field of math, Jungkook really didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t feel the same way at all.

But as he continued watching Jimin scribbling out the proof, his handwriting neat and clear, each number crisp and pristine on the sheet of lined paper, Jungkook couldn’t help but become slightly intrigued. The way the tutor’s wrist was poised as he scrawled out his “there exist”s and “such that”s; the way his eyes lit up as he subtly sped up in excitement towards the end…

“There! All finished!” Jimin announced, as he drew two diagonal straight lines to signify the end of his proof. Jungkook said nothing, and merely sat there quietly, carefully observing Jimin’s vibrant and pure expression which had arose from something as mundane as demonstrating a proof.

It was obvious that Jungkook didn’t have the same amount about of passion when it came to math…

…for now.

  The feeling of going to a class you hadn’t been to in so long was definitely not a good one.

Despite that bothersome feeling, Jungkook’s lips couldn’t refrain from quirking upwards, knowing who was waiting for him inside.

“Hey, we should totally sit together from now on! I could help you understand what the professor is saying and you…you can keep me company.”

The words echoed repeatedly in the void that was Jungkook’s mind. He tried to hide the wide smile that was cracking onto his face by covering it up with his phone. At the same time, he also kind of needed to check the room number of the lecture hall that he hadn’t been to since the first day of class.

At long last, the doors were in sight. Jungkook practically burst inside, his eyes scanning past the tall, lanky prof and the various cliques of well-dressed Asians and bespectacled over achievers to search for his one and only target in the front row.

As he was wondering whether or not to call out, Jimin noticed him first and waved excitedly, mouthing his name. Feeling slightly embarrassed and not wanting to attract any further attention to himself, Jungkook slightly ducked as he ran over to Jimin.

“Hey, did you have any classes before this?” Jimin asked effortlessly, as if he naturally started conversations all the time (a trait that was foreign to Jungkook).

“No, this is my earliest class,” Jungkook responded stiffly as he arranged his bag below his feet. It was strange to sit in the front row—there was a surprising amount of leg space.

“Lucky~” Jimin drawled, tapping his pen on the side of his tiny desk. “I had an 8:30 this morning. I almost fell asleep.”

“You seem like the early bird type though,” Jungkook commented.

“Really?!” Jimin gaped. “What made you think that?”

“I don’t know...” Jungkook trailed off when he suddenly noticed that Jimin looked…different. Gone were the tie and button-up, to be replaced with a casual black hoodie and a pair of ripped, denim jeans. He looked like any other regular college student.

Well, an extremely cute regular college boy.

“You look different,” Jungkook opted to say.

“Hmm? From what?” Jimin asked, confused.

“From last night.” Jungkook thought he sensed a few people throw questionable looks in their direction as they heard the phrase without context.

Jimin burst into a vibrant laugh. “You didn’t really think I’d come to class in a tie and slacks, did you?” 

“Well…I—”

“That was because I didn’t know what kind of student you’d be, so I wanted to show up professional,” Jimin grinned.

Jimin suddenly leaned over the chair arm separating them, ending up much closer  to Jungkook than he expected. Another brilliant smile. Jungkook was going to die of a heart attack at this rate.

“I take this as I won’t have to anymore?” Jimin asked, dragging his words out deliberately. “Are you more comfortable with me like this?”

Jungkook stared blankly, having been rendered speechless. Oh my god, how am I going to deal with this? Is he flirting with me? I can’t tell. Do math people even flirt? They have to right? I mean, professors are all married so they must—

“Jungkook?”

“Y-yeah?”

“You dropped your pen, by the way”

Jungkook blinked, only to realize that Jimin was suddenly holding a battered blue pen in his hand.

Oh. So that’s why he leaned over.

 “Oh, um, thanks…” Jungkook muttered quickly, grabbing his pen and averting his eyes at once.

“Good morning everybody!” the professor called out. He let out a sigh under his breath. Phew. Saved by the prof. For once.

The professor continued speaking with his thick foreign accent. “Today we will be continuing with the definition of convergence and divergence…”

Jungkook immediately zoned out. Nope. It didn’t even matter that he told himself he’d actually try and pay attention in order impress Jimin for once—neither his heart nor mind seemed to be truly up for it. It was all gibberish, foreign gibberish to him (and some of it even looked like the written script of some language he didn’t know—what the hell was ∀n∊N ∃ x > ∞ supposed to mean?)

 The professor was trying to ask questions again, something about a diverging function and Jungkook only sank further into his seat. Why did professors even bother trying sometimes? They should know after so many years of teaching that the only response they’d be getting was a long, uneasy silence.

 “Jimin?” The professor called the familiar name, his eyes suddenly directed towards Jungkook’s direction.

 Wait, what?!  Jungkook bolted upwards from his slouched position under the professor’s eye and swiftly glanced beside him to catch Jimin just lowering his hand having just raised it.

 Jungkook stared with widened eyes, almost veering away from the sudden shock.

 Oh my god. The prof knows his name. He’s literally that guy.

 “That’s false because even when you have two divergent functions, their product isn’t necessarily divergent as well,” Jimin answered with the most confident smile on his face. “Like (-1)n and (-1)n.”

 The professor appeared flustered for a moment, but immediately restored himself with a proud smile.

 “You’re going a bit ahead but that’s ok, Jimin,” the professor acknowledged. “So as Jimin said…”

But Jungkook wasn’t even listening anymore. Did he even understand a word of what Jimin just said? Not really. He could only stare at Jimin, speechless, and not even trying to bother to hide the slight smile on his face. His heart throbbed violently in his chest. He thought he had sensed it last night, when Jimin completed solving the problem, but after witnessing what he’d just seen, it was all the proof he needed.

The eloquence in which Jimin spoke his words; the confident aura that radiated when he answered the professor without batting an eyelash; the correct and overachieving solution that he’d provided; the thoroughness of the response that proved he knew what he knew; and the numbers and words that spilled out of his mouth as he spoke with that proud and knowing smile…

That was just so…so…

Jungkook gulped, trying to hold the thought back but couldn’t.

..so sexy.

So when Jimin turned to face him, he nearly jumped in his seat, forgetting that as brilliant as Jimin was, he still couldn’t read minds.  

“Pretty cool, huh?” Jimin grinned, not noticing Jungkook’s expression as his mind still appeared to be caught up in all the deductions.

Yes you are, Jungkook wanted to say.

“Yeah…totally,” Jungkook responded dumbly. “You’re so good…at this.”

For the rest of the class, Jimin intently watched the prof while Jungkook intently watched Jimin. His heart welled up every time Jimin raised his hand to answer a question. Each and every proof sounded more and more eloquent as they came from Jimin’s lips. He could see the girls in the row behind them rolling their eyes and whispering to one another as Jimin kept raising his hand over and over again but he couldn’t care less.  

Jungkook caught himself smiling again before he knew it. He gazed endearingly at Jimin’s profile, who was bent over and scribbling something detailed in his notes. Jimin’s eyes had never seemed this lovely before, not without that spark of excitement within them. And his lips were prettier like this, parted in anticipation as he focussed keenly on the numbers before him.

Jungkook’s heart raced faster and faster as he kept staring dumbstruck at Jimin. As he realized something, Jungkook merely sighed to himself, leaning his hand into face as he continued gazing.

So this must be the beauty of math…

  Jimin had class after analysis so Jungkook had to reluctantly part ways with him. Jungkook immediately headed to the familiar Room 441 in the math building, which was the lab where Namjoon worked. Luckily for them, the supervising professor was extremely easy-going, and apparently didn’t seem to care when (his favourite student) Namjoon let all his friends hang out in the lab. Thus, their little group would usually be found hanging out in Namjoon’s lab whenever the prof was out of office.

When Jungkook opened the door, he found the guests of the hour to be Seokjin and their friend Jung Hoseok from Math & Computer Science.

“Hey, Jungkook,” Namjoon waved from his desk. Seokjin and Hoseok didn’t seem to notice as they appeared to be in a deep debate over something.

“Hey,” Jungkook responded, slightly airily as he settled down and pulled his lunch out of his bag.

“Can you at least greet your friend?” Namjoon glared at Seokjin and Hoseok as he chomped down on an apple.

Seokjin’s eyes lit up when he saw Jungkook. “Oh my gosh, finally! A third person! Get over here.”

Jungkook scrambled over and sat next to them, slightly flustered “Why? What is it?”

“You know Dr. Pae, right?” Seokjin asked, almost urgent.

“Yeah, the one who’s popular with all the girls?” Jungkook nodded. “Why?”

 “Okay, so you know how he has a girlfriend, right?” Seokjin continued. “The really attractive blonde one?”

“…sure?”

Seokjin slammed his fist down the desk, startling everyone in the lab.

Namjoon tried negotiating between mouthfuls of apple. “Yo, dude, can you like calm dow—”

“Well this boy here—“ Seokjin paused dramatically, pointing at Hoseok. “—claims to have seen him holding hands with a brunette the other day. And guess what? Guess what? He was guiding her with his hand while she was walking over a stone path. Can you believe it? The man’s got game. Man I didn’t know that was what game theory was really about, because if I had known, I would have taken that course.”

“For the last time,” Hoseok grimaced, also placing his hand firmly on the table. “Just because he was holding hands with her, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in a romantic relationship.”

“He was walking her over a stone path though!” Seokjin argued. “That’s so romance! Who even does that?”

“Maybe she was his sister or something. You don’t know that,” Hoseok asserted.

“Would you hold hands with your sister and guide her over a path for no apparent reason?” Seokjin snarled back, getting more and more aggressive.

“…no.”

“Exactly!”

“But that’s just me though!” Hoseok blurted, on the edge of his seat to fight for his argument. “I’m sure there are brothers out there who would hold hands with their sister.”

“Yeah, if you’re like weirdly close,” Seokjin frowned. “Anyways, Jungkook, we wanted to wait for you to come. What do you think? Romantic or platonic?”

Jungkook stared blankly as he took another bite of his sandwich, trying to avoid the assertive gazes from the both of them as they awaited an answer.

“Um…” Jungkook dwelled as he chewed on his sandwich. “Why don’t you ask Namjoon?”

Seokjin waved his hand dismissively. “You know how he always is. All provisos. He’s always like—“ He dropped his voice three pitches lower. “—everything is situational. We cannot place assumptions until we have more evidence. Blah blah blah—”

“I do not sound like that,” Namjoon interrupted.

“Be quiet, do your work,” Seokjin snapped. “Jungkook, just answer it. Which do you think?”

“Uhh…I agree with Namjoon,” Jungkook replied quickly.

Seokjin threw his hands up in defeat while Hoseok slammed his head on his keyboard.

“Freaking useless. All of you,” Seokjin groaned, stabbing his fork angrily into a piece of chicken. “We’ll settle this now. I can’t handle all these scandals in the math department. First Dr. Lee’s sugar daddy scandal with Dr. Choi and now Dr. Pae. That’s why you get a PhD in math: so you can gain an unbelievable amount of game. Let me market this program, please. I’ll show you what true exponential growth is. “

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” Namjoon groaned from behind his computer.

“Oi, where’s Yoongi? Call him. I need to finish this,” Seokjin commanded.

“He has class,” said Hoseok. “He’s coming in like half an hour though.”

“Darn it, I have class then,” Seokjin sighed. “It’s ok. You can ask him and I’ll ask some of my other friends.”

“Why don’t you guys sample for something that might actually be worthwhile data for once?” Namjoon asked cynically.

“Because then I’d have to do more work analyzing it,” said Hoseok. “And I ain’t about that life.”

Seokjin checked his watched, frowning to himself. “I really don’t wanna go to class…” he sighed to himself.

“Yo, we’re math kids,” Hoseok said. “None of us ever wanna go to class. But we have to.”

“Namjoon does,” Seokjin scoffed. “Always.”

“So does Jimin,” Jungkook mentioned subsconsciously, without thinking.

Silence.

“Um…who’s Jimin?” Hoseok asked.

“The guy that’s tutoring him right now,” Seokjin answered. “Thanks to my brilliant suggestion, of course. Well, unless it’s not going well. What’s he like, by the way, Jungkook?”

“He’s like…um…” Jungkook struggled to find the proper words to describe his new tutor.

It suddenly struck him out of nowhere.

“He’s like…Euler’s identity.”

Namjoon dropped his chewed up apple. Hoseok spilled all of his rice while Seokjin merely stared.

“Oh my god, he thinks he’s unworldly and irrevocably beautiful,” Seokjin gaped.

“Jungkook, since when did you even know what that meant?” Namjoon asked.

Hoseok grinned. “It looks like he’s finally got a crush.”

“On Jimin though?” Seokjin gaped. “I mean his grades may be way above average but his looks…they’re a minor fraction of mine. Not even close.”

“What? Are you blind?” Jungkook blurted as he couldn’t help it.

The three others in the room exchanged confused looks (though Seokjin’s was marginally more offended).

 Hoseok was the first one to break into a mocking smile. “I think you’re the one who’s blind here,” he said. “Blind for lurve~”

“Shut up!” Jungkook retorted. “I mean, I just met him so…”

“But you do seem awfully smitten already,” Namjoon noted objectively, to which Jungkook had no response.

Seokjin sighed from the side. “Well, there’s really no reason for me to prevent this from happening…for now. But you better not get distracted. He’s there to help your grades. Not…anything else.”

“Like Namjoon helped you back then?” Hoseok cackled from the side, after which he received a wad of napkins in the face, courtesy of Kim Seokjin.

“Anyways, I want to see your grades improve,” Seokjin stated firmly. “Otherwise it defeats the whole purpose of you meeting Jimin.”

Jungkook nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure they will. He’s a good teacher. He’s been very helpful.”

“I’m sure he has,” Hoseok snorted, clearly not giving up the opportunity.

“Can you not encourage him?” Seokjin scolded. “He’s clearly side-tracked enough as it is. Please don’t alter my good intentions.”

“Yeah, I’d never let him live it down,” Namjoon murmured gleefully from the side.

“Can you be quiet? It’s better than you! You just sit there all day and let them do whatever they want,” Seokjin retorted.

“But if he falls in love and gets distracted, I’m gonna’ be right and you’re going to be wrong,” Namjoon considered.

“…are you seriously contemplating the possibility of your junior’s undergraduate career being ruined just so you can be right?”

Namjoon shook his head defensively. “Of course not! Jungkook’s a smart kid…well, he’s passing everything. So I’m sure having a healthy, fun relationship with an intelligent guy wouldn’t hurt anybody. So go get him Kookie.”

“No. The only thing that he’s getting from Jimin is better grades,” Seokjin asserted firmly, seeming completely satisfied with himself.

That is, until Hoseok decided he really, truly could not resist:

“…what if he ends up getting a D instead though?”

For the first time that entire morning, Namjoon had to stand up. And that was only to hold Seokjin back from throwing a chair at Hoseok.

  Jungkook crawled into bed earlier than usual that night, feeling strangely enlightened. His chest felt lighter than usual, as if just seeing Jimin for just that hour alone made it all worth it. In fact, if it hadn’t been for all that chaos in Namjoon’s lab, he might have felt completely at ease for the first time in a while.

He couldn’t help but smirk to himself as he cozied under his covers. Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t like math up until now…

Jungkook sighed, arms tucked under his head as he stared at the dark ceiling. Park Jimin. The only thought that seemed capable of occupying his mind. He wanted to witness it again: that eloquence, that beauty when Jimin solved problems.

When he could no longer resist that aching feeling in his chest, Jungkook reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his phone. His finger hovered over the mail app, almost longingly, before he touched it completely on impulse.

Jungkook straightened up to write his message.

  J, Jungkook

<no subject>

Hey jimin,

r u free at all tomorrow? I only have one class

I could use some help

sorry if ur busy it’s fine

 Unlike the first time, Jungkook couldn’t press send fast enough. His hands quivered as the email was confirmed to be sent. And hopefully, if it was anything like before…

Ping!

His heart nearly dropped in his chest. His mind was ahead of his body as his fingers fumbled to open the message.

  Park, Jimin

Lunch Date?

Jungkookie!

Don’t be sorry, I’d always be glad to hear from you ^^

I’m free around lunch time so is there anything you’d like to eat?

 uhjdugv

Jimin

 He felt like a complete loser, smiling from ear to ear all alone in his bed as he read Jimin’s message. Jungkook could hear Jimin’s encouraging tone of voice in his head, and it was more than gratifying.

And also…what was this about a date?

Jungkook’s heart did a bunch of flips and turns just speculating about what may-be-but-not-really a date with his dreamboat of a tutor.

It’s a…study date. Yeah. That’s all it is. Jungkook tried to calm himself down with the reassuring conclusion.

First thing first, he needed to answer Jimin’s question, with eloquence and tact, as Jeon Jungkook would always do when approaching a crush:

  J, Jungkook

Re:

yeeeeeeee totally down.

 And also correlating to Jeon Jungkook’s regular behaviour, he only realized how rash and stupid his decision was after he had executed it.

Jungkook buried his entire body beneath his blanket and kicked around violently, not realizing how dumb he sounded until now that the message was declared to be “sent”.  

Down? What the hell am I? He’s not Taehyung. I can’t just say whatever I want! Oh my god. What is wrong with me.

The morbidity was too much for his partially unscathed soul as he continuing abusing his blanket and bed, slamming his fists and kicking his legs. That’s it. It was all ruined. His one chance to get a nice tutor and even potentially, with the slimmest probability, a cute boyfriend and he had to ruin all those confidence levels in a heartbeat.

Another ping sounded from his phone, momentarily pausing his rampage as he poked his head out from the bottom of the covers near his bed’s footboard (god knows how he ended up there). He immediately blazed the LCD glow directly into his eyes.

  Park, Jimin

Re:

Haha. You’re cute.

I’ll see you tomorrow :3

 uhjdugv

Jimin

 Jungkook’s eyes widened, after which they blinked slowly in disbelief. Luckily it was dark and there was no one else in the room, because he felt himself turning as red as his hoody from that morning.

Oh my god…did he just call me…cute?

He was frozen in shook. This can’t be real. Not already. Since when did he deserve good things? If the Park Jimin thought he was cute, surely karma didn’t exist.

He countered the negatives in his head, though he did it by adding alternative negative thoughts.

Maybe he just says that to everyone. There’s no way he could think I’m cute, not already.

Jungkook swivelled around on his bed like a confused tortoise, bringing his chin back to rest on his pillows. He pursed his lips into a pout, wondering how to deal with himself. Jimin was slowly but surely corrupting his mind—not that there was much left to corrupt anyways—and this probably wasn’t the best timing.  Seokjin was probably going to kill him.

Jungkook sighed to himself, finally flipping himself over into a sleeping position at last. He tucked his arms behind his head, closing his eyes and trying to put himself to sleep after what felt like a long day. Tomorrow was a different day, and sleeping it off was the only thing he could do now to calm his nerves.

When his eyes finally fluttered shut, Jungkook found himself having rather sweet dreams about Jimin that night.

By 2:30 p.m., Jungkook was already waiting in the lobby of their school library.

 Despite how eagerly his heart was thumping in anticipation, he tried to maintain a casual appearance. Jungkook had pulled out brand new, unworn shirt and jeans from the closet for this occasion, and he’d already fixed his hair for the nth time that morning (despite that it was near impossible for a strand to be out of place because he’d checked at least another hundred times before he left the house). Needless to say, he wanted Jimin to be impressed for once.

Jungkook bit his lip in anxiety as he checked his watch again (he also never wore watches so the action itself seemed extremely foreign to him). Jimin was late. Again. And he couldn’t help but feel impatient about it.

“Jungkook-ah!”

Jungkook nearly dropped his phone as he heard the voice that he’d been so anxiously waiting for. His eyes lit up as he saw Jimin heading towards him with the brightest smile, black hair bouncing pleasantly as he ran.

“Sorry, I’m late!” Jimin gasped, catching his breath. “The professor kept me overtime. Did you wait long?”

Jungkook returned what he thought to be his most encouraging smile. “No! Not at all! I just got here as well,” he said convincingly.  

Despite that he’d spent hours getting dressed in the morning, Jungkook still felt far from worthy of comparison to Jimin. Even though it looked like he wasn’t trying at all, Jimin had to be at the very, very least an 8 out of 10 in his glasses, bomber jacket and ripped jeans.

Jungkook held back a sigh. Their little date hadn’t even started yet and he already felt discouraged.

“So, where did you want to go?” Jimin asked.

“Nowhere in particular, as long as it’s with you,” Jungkook answered, the last part coming out a lot more honestly than he’d intended.

Fortunately, Jimin’s smiled only widened. “That’s good. I had a particular place in mind. And you look like you could use a little sweetness in your life.”

Jungkook blinked. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he frowned, blatantly confused. Is sweetness supposed to code for something?

Jimin laughed, seeming embarrassed.

“Nothing. I just wanted to…joke around a little…”

Moments later, Jungkook found himself sitting with Jimin at a nearby desserts café, with a giant strawberry and chocolate waffle sitting in front of him, topped with insane ice cream and whipped cream quantities that could only be considered outliers.

The cringing agony arrived much too late for Jungkook. Oh my god, he was trying to tell a punny joke and I was too busy trying to analyze whether or not he was flirting with me that I didn’t even bother laughing. This is already going wrong. So. Horribly. Wrong.

But all this time, Jimin hadn’t seemed to notice. He was just pleasantly sipping on his customized hot mocha beverage that had a cute latte heart design in it, humming slightly as he flipped back and forth through the notebook he was holding in his hands.

“Um…Jimin?” Jungkook spoke up.

Jimin looked up from his pages, meeting eye contact with Jungkook as he adjusted his glasses.

“What’s wrong?” Jimin asked, mildly concerned. “Did you not like it? My friend swears it’s good.”

Jungkook gulped, trying not to let himself be distracted by the glory that was bespectacled Jimin. “You really didn’t have to buy this for me…”

Jimin dropped his notebook, reaching up to push his glasses onto his nose bridge before looking directly at Jungkook (whose heart skipped a beat with 100% certainty) as he spoke:

“We’re all poor university students,” he said rationally, with a gentle smile. “You know better than to give up free food. Now eat up before it all melts.”

It took a few moments for Jungkook to even process what Jimin was talking about—he had been distracted by glasses after all. Surprisingly and spontaneously obedient, Jungkook nodded promptl as he swiftly picked up his fork with a shaky hand and pressed through the soft cream and pastry.

“Now,” Jimin continued speaking as he leaned his pretty face into hand and looked at Jungkook through his glasses. “Should we start going through these notes or should I wait until you finish eating?”

Jungkook wanted to slam his head into the wall. His mind was clearly not in the right places, not after seeing that upward gaze that appeared much too sultry for no reason in particular.  

“Feel see to fart!” he blurted. Shit. “I mean, feel free to start!” The idea of stabbing himself with the fork to end it all was slowly becoming more and more attractive.

Curtly, Jimin ignored Jungkook’s little stumble and proceeded to go through how to calculate expectations and variances of a distribution. Jungkook tried hard to listen, he really did, but he kept slipping in and out of a distracting mood. He continued staring at Jimin, the way his bangs slightly fell over the frame of his glasses as he was bent over and writing on the paper.

Jungkook sucked on his fork, eyes slightly lidded as he watched Jimin. Hmm…this waffle tastes so, so much sweeter than I expected it to…

“Do you get it, Jungkook?” Jimin asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

Jungkook tried to not choke on the whipped cream. “Hmmph, what?” he garbled unattractively.

“Do you get what the difference is between an expectation and a variance?”

Jungkook stared blankly. “Uh, well…”

Jimin shuffled uncomfortably in his chair. “If you don’t get it, Jungkook, you can just tell me,” he said. “Honestly, don’t be afraid, despite what you’ve heard about me.”

Jungkook’s attention was suddenly caught. “Hmm? What? What have I heard about you?”

Jimin smiled. He added an unexpected shrug before saying, “Well I don’t know, Jungkook. Last I heard someone thought I was a ‘nerd lord’, didn’t he?”

Jungkook froze. I’m gonna kill that lanky asshole, he thought ominously, as the mental image of Kim Taehyung’s best trolling face floated into his mind.

He laughed nervously, scratching the nape of his neck as he spoke next. “Well, that was like…before I knew you. And stuff.”

“Really?” Jimin asked, leaning forwards slightly. “Well…what’s changed since then?”

Jungkook felt like he’d been pushed into a corner, not sure how to answer this. Especially when Park Jimin was looking at him so expectantly, with a slight curve on his lips like that.

“Um....you’re…you’re actually a good teacher?” Jungkook said stiffly, trying to say anything but the things that were a bit more easily retrievable within his conscious mind. 

“Oh,” Jimin pursed his lips, barely looking disappointed. He sank back into his seat, flipping quickly through his notes as Jungkook was left alone to contemplate what he had done wrong.

“Why don’t you try this problem for me?” Jimin said, pushing the notebook towards Jungkook. Jungkook took the pages hesitantly, and wondered if he was only imagining that Jimin’s tone had become slightly colder than before.

Deciding to ignore his qualms, Jungkook grabbed his pencil and kept his head down and focussed in determination. Regardless of how it would turn out with Jimin, he should probably focus on the real reason why he was there in the first place.

But much to his dismay, he found that the distractions had been too much, as always. He kept writing and erasing, scratching out answers and replacing it with others. Before long, his page was a mess, and he wasn’t any closer to the answer.

He gritted his teeth, erasing yet another line. C’mon Jungkook, focus. If you want him to not be discouraged of teaching you, you gotta try harder.

But it seemed hopeless. The overcrowded page seemed to mock him with ridicule, questioning why he was starting to confuse his variables and miswrite his numbers. It was starting to give him a headache just to look at.

He heard Jimin shuffle from across him. Oh no, he’s leaving. Crap. Why do I have to be so stupid? His eyebrows scrunched in annoyance as wrote down something that seemed to be right, but he had already seen before.

“Need help?” Jimin’s voice asked suddenly, right next to him.

Jungkook finally let out the sigh of frustration he had been holding in for so long. He turned towards the direction of Jimin’s voice.

“Yes! I’m sorry I—”

Jungkook stopped midsentence as he found that Jimin’s face was right in front of him, as Jimin was bent over his shoulder and looking intently at the problem in front of them. He leaned back slightly in an instant, though it was still close enough for him to realize how smooth and soft-looking Jimin’s poufy cheeks were.

“You’re actually on the right track, Jungkook,” said Jimin, as he gazed knowingly at Jungkook’s messy work. “Besides…”

Much to the dismay of Jungkook’s poor, soft and fragile heart, Park Jimin had to turn at that very moment so that their eyes and lips were less than centimetres away from each other.

“I’ve never seen you try that hard before…” Jimin said. It was as if his voice was coated with sugar.

Jungkook visibly gulped, not even bothering trying to hide it. He tried to lean back some more but there was no room left to go.

“You were really cute,” Jimin murmured as his smile widened. “I’ve never seen you like that before.”

Ba-dump.

It was a miracle Jeon Jungkook didn’t faint right there and then.

end of part 1!

part 2 coming soon on tumblr OR read the full story on AO3 ^^

A/N: ...yeah. Part of me hates myself for doing this can you tell? XD Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it at least a little~ and saw a new perspective on math through this :3

Anyways, I neglected my midterm to squeeze this out in time for VDay so I hope it made you smile, somewhere, somehow :D

[desperatepenguin722]

Sunrise

Pairing: Lin Manuel Miranda x Reader

Request: @constellationsniall “Hey!!! I just had an idea for a linxreader fic, and i was wondering if you would be willing to write it??? so my idea is that lin is hosting a ham4ham show before one of the shows. He is in love with the reader, but the reader doesn't know it, and on the ham4ham show that day he brings out a lot of the cast to sing some sort of love song (you could choose), and he seems to be singing more directly to the reader than anyone else?”

A/N: So this is my second Song fic and my third hamilcast fic so, I hope y’all like it! Requests are always open!

You took a steadying breath, looking out the window of your dressing room down at the quickly gathering crowd. Excitement bubbled up and formed into a small smile that settled upon your lips. But, along with that excited feeling, a sense of dread soon followed at the inevitable ending that would be coming in less than five hours.

It was your last performance as Peggy Schuyler and Maria Reynolds.

Sure, you’d only been playing the roles for a little over a month, but at two shows a day six days a week, you’d grown quite a fondness for, as Lin liked to call the characters, “Sober (Y/N), and drunk (Y/N)”. You’d disagreed with a scoff, but you hadn’t exactly done anything to prove him wrong. Although you hated to admit it, you knew the role wasn’t the only thing you’d miss. You’d miss the cast. 

You’d quickly grown fond of your quirky partners-in-crime, there was something in each of them that drew you. To your happy surprise, they were just as ready to accept you into their family, not hesitating to give you a chance as soon as Lin excitedly went on and on about your vocal range after he’d heard you at a karaoke bar one night. If you’d have known he’d be there that night, you would’ve sang something less sexual than “Earned It”. But maybe not. You’d never forget the way he rushed up to you after the song, rambling on about his show and how, “You’d be perfect for the role of a forgotten sister and an seductive mistress”. You shrugged an okay.

Now, two months later, you were here. Sitting at the window peering down at Ham4Ham fans with a boatload of memorable shows stored forever in your mind. Shows where you played Peggy, the innocently adorable little sister. Shows where you played Maria, the not-so-innocent young mistress of Alexander Hamilton. Shows where you got to repeatedly kiss Lin...

You shook your head, a dark blush settling on your cheeks. They were just stage kisses, that’s all. You told yourself. Even if you had felt something in those kisses, there’s no way Lin did. No way he’d felt those fireworks you’d felt since the first rehearsal, since the first time his hand caressed your sides and you felt his breath on your neck, since the first time you’d entangled your fingers into his jet-black locks, since the first time you had told him to stay.

He would’ve said something by now, Lin wasn’t one to hide things. Even on a TMI level. 

“Yooo,” A familiar head of curls appeared in the doorway, “How’s it going?” Daveed, dressed in a gray tank-top with ‘Fuck Gender Roles’ written in a white graffiti font and dark blue jeans, walked towards the window you were standing at.

“It’s going...” You shrugged, turning your eyes from the crowded street below to him.

He smiled, ruffling your hair like an older brother. Daveed had become one of your closests friends in the past two months as well as a protecitve big-brother. He’d constantly insist on walking you home, even if you already had an Uber. he’d walk you to the car and make you sure had enough money to get back to your small studio apartment. “Gonna miss this place? I won’t ask if you’ll miss me, I mean, that’s kind of inevitable.” He tossed his hair back with an aura of cockiness.

You rolled your eyes, still smiling. “Are you Jefferson or Daveed?”

“Neither.” He bent down, mock whispering in your ear. “I am actually Lafayette.”He made his typical French accent even thicker, causing you to giggle. “There’s my girl, no being sad on your last performance. I mean, Maria Reynolds was sad but you’ve gotta wait until The Reynolds Pamphlet to show that. Until then, you’ve got to be all ‘Hey Lin, let me kiss you and seduce you with my curves and shit’” He ran his hands slowly up and down his sides and pretended to swoon.

The action should’ve sent you into a fit of laughter, but all it did was cause your cheeks to catch fire and your eyes to widen. “I-I’m not trying to seduce Lin, I-I’m just playing the part.” You quickly explained, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush spreading down your neck.

He cocked a brow, stopping his show. “I was just kid-” His eyes widened, “Holy shit. You like Lin. Like, like-like him.”

You rolled your eyes, internally cursing yourself for being able to blush so easy. “How eloquent Diggs.”

“And she doesn’t deny it!” He grinned, clapping his hands.

Anthony walked in, his hair already tied back but still wearing his usual plain navy-blue tee and black jeans. “Doesn’t deny what?”

You groaned. “Daveed don-”

“Her crush on Lin.”

Anthony nodded, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re just now catching onto that?”

You furrowed your brows. “Wait, what?” You sighed, rubbing your temples. “Does anyone else know?”

“Yeah, practically the whole cast can see the chemistry between you two up there. It’s kind of awkwards sometimes when we don’t know if y’alll are actually gonna start getting it on.” He chuckled, dodging the box of tissues you threw at him.

“Well, tell the man how you feel girl!” Daveed blurted.

You rolled your eyes. “Great idea Diggs, ‘Hey, I know we only met like two months ago and you’ve had to kiss me almost every night since then but I actually really like you so since I’m leaving and your schedule will be far too busy for me, want to go grab coffee? Oh, you don’t feel that way towards me and I’ve just ruined our friendship? Okay, excuse me while I go and pass out in shame.’ “ You shook your head. “No.”

Anthony smiled at Daveed, pulling out his phone and typing something. A minute later, Daveed’s phone buzzed and he started typing. This went on for a few minutes and finally you rolled your eyes. 

“Guys, i’m standing right here. You aren’t as slick as you’d like to think.”

“Shh! No time for that now, we’ve got a ham4ham to perform in!” Ant declared, grabbing your hand. Daveed gave you no time to respond, quickly ushering you out and down to the back door.

“I don’t know what the hell you two are up to, but I swear if you-” Anthony opened the door and pulled you out before you could finish your threat. John had just finished his rendition of “Helpless” with Lin, the audience erupting in a mix of cheers and laughs. You couldn’t help the smile that fell upon your lips at John making eyes at Lin and Lin making eyes right back.

“Alright alright! John, stop fawning over Lin and make some noise for (Y/N)(Y/L/N)!” Anthony declared, pulling you next to Lin. The audience cheered at you, Daveed and Ant’s appearance. You gave a little wave and a smile, facing the audience so you wouldn’t have to look into Lin’s hypnotizing eyes.

“So,” Daveed began, grabbing the megaphone from Lin, “We all know it’s (Y/N)’s last show.” The audience erupted in cheers and groans, something that made your eyes start to tear. “I know, I know, we’ll all miss her. Some of us more than others.” He more muttered the last part, eyes darting momentarily to Lin before continuing. “On that note, who thinks (Y/N) and Lin need to have one last song?” The crowd cheered and clapped, screaming excited Yes!’s. You glared at Daveed, mouthing, ‘What the hell are you two up to?’ to Anthony. 

He responded with a smile and shrug, taking the megaphone Daeed held out. What the hell were they planning? You looked over at Lin, who appeared just as lost as you felt. “Anybody from the audience have any suggestions?” He cupped his ear and leaned to the side as the crowd shouted so many songs at the same time. “Did I hear someone shout “Sunrise”?”  Shouts of agreeance and excitement erupted and your stomach dropped. Sunrise. One of the biggest love songs from ‘In The Heights’.

You sent a glare at both Ant and Daveed, hoping they felt the fire you were trying to shower them with. This is what they’d been planning. You turned back to Lin, who smiled and shrugged.

“I’m down. Come on Nina, let’s do this!” 

His confidence and smile melted your heart and you found yourself only able to nod, grabbing a mic that one of the crew handed you. You and Lin walked about five feet from each other, the audience quieting and the cast gathering around behind the two of you. Lin sent yo a thumbs up and tied his hair back. Shame, it always looked so nice down, but it looked really cute up, too.

You sent one back, clearing your throat and beginning. “Are you ready to try again?”

Lin smiled, nodding. “I think I’m ready.”

“Okay, here we go. Esquina.”

“Corner.” He sang back.

“Tienda?” You cocked a brow.

“Store.”

“Bombilla?”

“Lightbulb.”

“You sure?” you teased, smirking at the crowd. You turned back to him just as he playfully rolled his eyes and answered.

“I’m sure.”

“Three outta three, you did alright.” 

“Well teach me a little more...” He took a step closer, making the space between you smaller. You took a quick breath, heart pounding at the fact that by the end of the song, you two would be mere inches from each other. 

“Calor.” You took a small step forward, the crowd slowly fading as your eyes focused on him.

“Heat.” His smile grew smaller, but still remained.

“Anoche.”

“Last night.” He sang, winking at you.

You felt calor fall upon your cheeks again, but suddenly didn’t care whether he saw or not. This is the time you’d be able to express how you felt to his face, without really telling him at all. You weren’t really sure if you were Nina singing to Benny, or you singing to Lin. “Dolor.” Your voice dipped, and you tried not to let the emotions through too much. Just enough to put on a belivable show.

“Pain.” He nodded, walking forward then stopping.

You bit your lip, looking down. “That’s right.” You glanced up at him through your lashes. “Llamame.”

“Call me.”

“Azul.” It was your turn to walk, but you suddenly felt glued to your spot. You were afraid that if he saw the way you were looking at him, the way your heart was coming out in every lyric, he’d back away.

“Blue.” He moved forward.

“Amame?” You tried to make it come out as a question, but it sounded more like a plea.

Lin was only a foot away now, and he reached out and grabbed your hand. Your eyes shot up, this wasn’t part of the plan. “...Love me?” His plea matched yours and suddenly, your courage rose along with your voice.

You nodded slowly. “Perhaps...I do.”

He paused for a moment, pulling you gently to him by the hand. You couldn’t speak, couldn’t ask if this was part of the act or not in fear that if his answer was yes, you wouldn’t be able to finish the song. “Well,” He tilted your chin up so your eyes met and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “How do you say, “Kiss me”?”

“Besame.” You whispered into the mic you were white-knuckling.

“And how do you say, “Hold me”?” He held his hand on the small of your back, holding you as close to him as he could.

“Abrazame. Al amanecer. At sunrise.” You tore your eyes away, looking up and past the audience at the sun, hanging high in the sky.

He guided your chin back and looked deeply into your eyes, smiling nervously and tilting his head slightly. You took a breath, preparing to sing with him. 

“Anything at all can happen just before the sunrise.” The cast echoed the last word, everything flowing in perfect synch.

“Sunrise.” You repeatedly, your nervous smile matching his.

Now it was his line.

You waited, along with the cast and the audience, time itself standing still. Everyone waited tensely for Lin to continue the song, you waited to continue so you could focus on something other than the way his lips were only an eyelash length away from yours or the way his chocolate eyes were gazing down into yours or-

Suddenly, his lips were on yours. And he kissed you like no one had before, slowly, tenderly, lovingly. Your eyes shut as you wrapped your arms aroujd his neck, melting into the kiss. His lips seemed to be speaking the only language you ever wanted to use after this, one of understanding, of care, of passion.

You only noticed the cheers and whoops of the audience and cast after you pulled away, breathless. You opened your eyes, unable to keep a smile from your face. Luckily, he was beaming just as hard as you were.

“Benny, I think it’s your line.” You chuckled, some of the crowd laughing with you and most of the crowd still “aww”ing and snapping photos. 

“Right.” He rested his forehead against yours. “At Sunrise.” He sang.

A whole new meaning coming to the word.

[anotherhelplesshamiltrash]

We'll Figure It Out

Anthony x Reader

Notes: Reader is the newest member of Hamilton and quickly develops a friendship with Anthony, though both of them secretly want more. Per usual, I write this with all respect to Ant, Jasmine and their relationship as this is purely fictional. Enjoy! (Ps: this my second request! I was so sure no one would read these things lol - sorry it took so long!)

Word count: 3525

Warnings: mentions of sex (uuuuuh) and making out, I guess.

You have walked by the Richard Rodgers Theater several times before, but somehow, it seemed to have doubled its size now that you were standing in front of it. “The opportunity of a lifetime. There’s no time for second doubts” you reminded yourself before walking in. Your eyes wandered for a moment, unsure of where to go, until you spotted the signature ponytail of the man who’s taking Broadway by storm.

- (Y/n)! Welcome! - he smiled at you, giving you a quick embrace.

- Hi, Lin! It’s great to be here. - you made sure to call him by his first name, since he corrected you on the phone a few days ago (“Oh please, Mr. Miranda is my dad. Call me Lin”).

- Everyone’s at the stage to warm up so we can stop by to introduce you and then I’ll give you a tour of the theater. - he pointed to the right direction, waiting for your response.

- Sounds awesome. - you smiled at him and the two of you made your way through various flights of stairs.

As soon as you reached the stage, you had to take a moment to admire how grand the venue is. In fact, you were so fascinated by the scenario that you didn’t even notice how some people turned their attention towards you, not even the talkative curly haired guy who suddenly lost his train of thought.

- Guys, I’m happy to introduce you to (y/n), the newest member of our cast! - Lin announced with a smile to the group of artists in front of him.

- Hi! - you smiled, waving your hand for a moment and regretting it immediately.

They shared a small laugh, your nervousness probably reminding them of their early days in the production. A dark haired woman with rosy cheeks suggested that they went around the room, introducing themselves by name and their character on the show. With an unanimous nod, she began.

- I’m Phillipa, but everyone calls me Pippa. - she said with a kind smile - And I play Eliza.

One by one, they put names to the faces and you were thankful for their enthusiasm. It was only a couple of introductions later when you noticed a certain pair of green eyes that haven’t left your direction since you walked in. “Of course he’s looking at you, you’re the new kid, that’s all” you thought to yourself.

- Hi, I’m Anthony and I play John Laurens and Philip. - he simply smiled at you and you could feel your face getting warmer. Oh god, breathe.

Once everyone had spoken, Lin walked you around the theater as he promised, showing you everything from the dressing room area to the orchestra pit. And while everything was so foreign and there was a lot to memorize, you were as excited as ever. However, you still had two weeks of rehearsals before your Broadway debut, so while everyone was performing, you were enjoying the show from the wings. Your eyes lingered on the man passionately rapping about the end of slavery, an involuntary smile gracing the corners of your mouth.

- Do you ever have food here? - you take a look at the fridge, finding only a couple of beers and a large bottle of ketchup.

- Only when my parents visit. - Anthony replies from the couch - I’m surprised you haven’t gotten used to it yet.

- Oh well, a girl can dream. - you close the fridge door and turn around to look at him. - So, pizza?

- Always. - he grins, making you roll your eyes with a small smile.

It’s your day off, you have good company and, soon, pizza. What’s there to complain about? Sure, you initially had a crush on Anthony, but he quickly became your closest friend in the cast and that’s great. You’re happy to be friends with him, which is what you remind yourself when he decides to rest his arm on the back of the couch over your head, sitting a bit closer than usual.

- How I Met Your Mother? - he asks, scrolling though Netflix.

- It would take forever to choose an episode. I feel like watching a movie.

- True. Remember Me?

- Too heavy. Amélie?

- We saw that last time.

The debate continues for a moment, until you come across the animation section and a particular movie catches your eye.

- Mulan! - you shout excitedly at the same time. Mulan it is.

You start the movie, laughing at the jokes you’ve heard countless times. When the first song begins, you look at each other with bright eyes, silently agreeing to sing along to every word. He even gets up from his seat, trying an interpretative dance that makes your stomach hurt from laughing too hard. He then takes your hand and starts jumping and dancing around the room with you, both of you singing and laughing. It’s only by the end of the song that you realize how close you are. His hands firmly on your waist, yours on his shoulders. You’re still smiling, looking straight into his beautiful green eyes. You’d gladly get lost in them. His gaze flickers from your eyes to your lips for a second and you lean forward. He does the same. Eyes closed, his lips ghosting over yours, when the bell suddenly rings. You jump away from each other, breathless.

- That’s the pizza. - he points to the door, walking towards it with a shy smile. Maybe you’re not over your crush after all.

Now with the pizza in hand, you continue watching the movie, though not as close as you were before. You sing the next song without leaving your seat. Everything feels a bit awkward for a moment, until I’ll Make a Man Out of You comes up and you have no choice but to belt the lyrics, laughing with the same intensity you had at the beginning.

Almost a week later, you’re making your way towards the bright yellow lights of the theater, just as you did two months ago on your first day at Hamilton. You’re no expert of the theater community, but you’re certainly more comfortable with your settings than you were before. You even managed to make friends all the while, especially Anthony, becoming inseparable after a few days of being on the show. You’d hang out together at work, sharing funny videos and even occasional naps on two show days, and on your free time, going to the movies or playing video games at his place. You never seemed to get tired of each other. In fact, you had just placed your bag on the ensemble dressing room when you hear a familiar voice:

- Yo, (y/n)! - you turn around to find Anthony with his phone in hand and a smile on his face.

- Ant! What’s up?

- There’s this new Netflix series coming up and it sounds awesome. Check this out. - he hands you his phone, a YouTube video on the screen.

- Wow. It seems really cool. - you hand back the phone after watching the short video.

- Right?! We should totally binge watch it when it comes out.

- So you’re basically planning to Netflix and chill? - Morgan teases with a raised eyebrow on the other side of the room.

- What?! How.. why.. what? We’re just gonna watch the show - he stumbles with his words, blushing furiously.

- Besides, you’re supposed to “Netflix and chill” while watching something boring and The Get Down sounds awesome. - you try your best to sound cool, despite the heat on your cheeks. Morgan raises her hands in surrender, clearly holding a laugh.

- Of course it’s gonna be awesome, I’m in it! - Daveed suddenly shows up at the door with a conceited look on his face.

- See? Another reason why you can’t Netflix and chill to it: Daveed is in it. - you turn to Morgan’s direction, earning a laugh from her and Anthony while Daveed dramatically gasps with a hand on his heart, though he ends up joining the rest of you with a grin.

Soon it’s time to warm up and rehearse before the matinee, the whole cast ready to enjoy their day off tomorrow. While the ensemble practices a specific choreography, the lead actors have a few extra minutes to prepare for the show on their own.

 Meanwhile

- So, Ant.. what’s your deal with (y/n)? - Daveed asks him out of the blue while they’re hanging out in his dressing room.

- What? There’s no deal with (y/n). She’s my friend. - Anthony replies with as much confidence as possible, though he wishes his answer could be something else entirely.

- C'mon, dude! We’re your best friends. You can tell us. - Oak reassures him.

- I just.. like to be with her, okay?

- Then why aren’t you with her already? - Daveed asks with curiosity.

- Cause.. we’re friends. And I don’t wanna mess that up. - Anthony looks down, his friends sharing a knowing look.

- So, did y'all watch the game last night? - Daveed asks the group.  

After the show, feeling sweaty and tired, you head straight to the ensemble dressing room, ready to leave. As you’re about to close the door, Jasmine appears.

- (Y/n)! What are you up to, girl?

- Today? I’m just gonna go home, binge watch something, take a bath, that kind of thing. Why?

- Weeeell, now that you asked, a bunch of us are going out tonight and I was hoping you’d come along. - she tilts her head, a slight pout on her lips.

- I’m so tired, Jas..

- Pleeeeeease? - she uses her puppy eyes as a last resort. Damn you, puppy eyes!

- Okay. But you’re gonna have to help me get ready cause I have no idea what to wear.

- Done and done! Meet me in my place at 8! - she grins before going on her way, leaving you to wonder how you got yourself into this.

A couple of hours later, you find yourself at Jasmine’s place with Pippa. Renee was also supposed to be there, but one of her kids wasn’t feeling too well and she decided to skip this one.

- So, what are our options here? - Jasmine asks with the intensity of a general in battle.

- I’m settled for this matching top and skirt, but I’m gonna need your help with hair and makeup. - Pippa responded promptly, both of you laying on Jasmine’s bed.

- And I brought this crop top, these two skirts and this dress. I’m lost, I never go to these things. - you sigh.

- These are not bad.. oh, this dress is cute. So flowery! - Pippa sits up straight to look at your options.

- That’s the problem, Pip. It’s not a picnic. We’re not going for cute. - Jasmine rules out the outfit.

- Wait, what are we going for? We’re just meeting people from the cast. - you sit beside Phillipa, a bit confused.

- But Anthony is part of the cast and I know for a fact that he’s going tonight. - she raises an eyebrow with a mischievous look on her face.

-  So? I see him everyday, it’s not a big deal. - you furrow your eyebrows with your arms crossed in front of you.

- True, which is why tonight requires something special. Come on, I see the way you look at each other. We both do. - she looks at Pippa, who nods in agreement.

- It feels like you should be together, don’t you think? - Pippa asks softly.

- I don’t know.. I really like him. But we almost kissed once and everything felt so awkward afterwards. I don’t want to risk everything. - you confess.

- The problem is not the kiss. It’s the almost. Trust me. - Jasmine reassures you while holding your hand - It’s time for this struggle to end and tonight is the night.

- So.. what do you have in mind? - you ask quietly, which is all they need to start working on you.

Two hours later, you’re on your way to the club. Pippa wearing her matching top and skirt, Jasmine in a bodysuit and jeans, and you with a tight lace dress that showed off your curves, courtesy of Jas. Bold, yet elegant. Definitely something that you wouldn’t wear on a regular basis, but with the heels and the red lipstick, you felt oddly confident. Soon enough, you’re at the club, making your way towards the group of loud performers you know and love. Anthony’s mouth drops slightly open when he sees you, which you take as a good sign. Maybe your feelings could be reciprocated after all.

- Girls! Good to see you! - Lin shouts over the music, which is loud, but thankfully not to the point where you can’t hear each other. - Wow, (y/n)! Looking good tonight, are we?

- It’s only thanks to these two. - you indicate to Jasmine and Phillipa with a smile.

- Let’s get something to drink. - Jasmine points to the bar, where the three of you head to.

Each of you drink a shot of tequila to loosen up a little and you decide that’s enough for you, as you don’t want to get really drunk. You go back to the group, talking for a couple of minutes with Carleigh and Thayne. Just as they head to the bar, Anthony shows up.

- Hey! You look.. amazing. Just amazing. - he exclaims over the music and there’s a hint of alcohol in his breath but he’s clearly not drunk.

- Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself. - you smile with confidence, aware of how different you look from your usual self.

He’s about to say something else when a remix of Hotline Bling comes up and Jasmine pulls you to the dance floor. The majority of the group had already been dancing, so you feel at ease joining them. At first you’re dancing with Jasmine, then Thayne, and lastly Groff. As you switch between having different dance partners and dancing by yourself, Anthony and Daveed have their sights on you from the bar.

- Honestly, if you don’t make a move, I will. - Daveed says firmly.

Anthony takes a shot and walks straight to the dance floor.

He offers you his hand just as that popular song from The Weeknd comes up and you gladly take it. You dance together for hours, varying from really dancing, as the Broadway performers that both you are, and just goofing around. A remix of another overplayed song begins and this time, dancing with him, the lyrics hit you a bit harder.

I thought that I’d been hurt before. But no one’s ever left me quite this sore.

Your rhythm gradually slows down, until it’s just the two of you practically slow dancing while everyone else is jumping around.

And now that I’m without your kisses, I’ll be needing stitches.

You’re as close as you were that day at his apartment. His hands on your waist, yours on his shoulders. He leans over, eyes closed, and you do the same, meeting him halfway. Like a wave hitting the shore, his lips crash onto yours, gentle and desperate at the same time. Your hands move to his hair and he tightens his grip on your waist, pulling you even closer. He tastes like alcohol and you’re sure you taste the same. You melt on his embrace and the feeling of his lips against yours. There’s just you and him. Everything else fades away. When you finally reach for air, his forehead touches yours, eyes still closed while a smile appears on both of your faces. You slowly open your eyes, afraid that it might be a dream. He smiles even wider looking at you. You suddenly hear applause and cheers and you turn around to find your fellow castmates high-fiving each other, some even with their phones out. You rest your head on his shoulder and laugh at how insane this moment is.

- Alright, TMZ, that’s enough for you. - Anthony raises his arm to the group, who laughs and puts their phones away.

You keep dancing through a few more songs, but when it becomes more making out than dancing, you know it’s time to go.

- Bye, guys! - you wave to the group quickly, a giant smile on your face.

- Bye, lovebirds! - they reply in a chorus, leaving you to wonder if they rehearsed it before.

Hand in hand with Anthony, you wait for your Uber, breathing into the chilly air of the city. You end up kissing again in the backseat of the car, his hands rest on your thighs, sending shivers down your spine. The poor driver has to clear his throat to get your attention once you arrive. You walk to his apartment hand in hand and when he closes the front door, he pulls you closer and presses you against it, kissing you again, this time rougher and needier. Your hands are on his hair again, pulling it lightly. He places his hands on your thighs and, letting your body move on its own, you wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you to the couch, carefully dropping you off. He sits down, pulling you with him so you’re sitting on his lap. He kisses you intensely, as if he’s out of breath and you’re the only source of oxygen in the room. Soon you’re lightly grinding against him, making him moan against your lips. When both of you reach for air, he starts kissing your neck.

- Bedroom? - you suggest, breathing heavily.

- Bedroom. - he looks up at you, his eyes dark with lust.

You stand up and he follows you, his fingers intertwined with yours as you make your way towards his bed. When you do, you turn around to kiss him, feeling your heartbeat echo through your whole body. His hand moves to the clasp on your dress and stops there, stepping away from your embrace to look at you first. Consenting with a nod, his lips are on yours again, the taste of alcohol slowly fading. He then leads you to the bed, laying on top of you. His hands travel around your body while you unbutton his shirt. Anthony breaks the kiss to toss it on the floor, giving you a moment to catch your breath. He pauses for a moment, his chest rising and falling quickly, to take a look at you. He lets out a small laugh at how surreal this moment is.

- I can’t believe we’re gonna do it. - he laughs against your neck in between kisses.

- I know, right? - you smile with him. A week before you barely kissed and now there you are.

- I’ve always had a crush on you, you know? - his eyes sparkle with happiness, fingers gently caressing your cheek.

- What?! Shut up! I had a crush on you! - you exclaim a bit too loud.

- Well, I know for a fact that I had a crush on you since the minute you walked into that stage with Lin.

- Wait, really?

- Really. - he smiles, leaning over to kiss you once more. - The problem was that I’m apparently awful at keeping secrets. I’m telling you, I almost told people so many times.

- Really? How? - you ask, curious to know more.

- I think it was mostly small details, you know? Like commenting on how beautiful you look or how good you smell or whatever you said that made me laugh and, I mean, these are fine on their own, days apart. But all the time? Suspicious. - he’s now resting his head on his arm, laying on his stomach.

-That’s so sweet, Ant. But you should have said something to me, who knows what could have happened if I knew sooner.. - you play with his hair, all your affection reflected in your eyes.

- We figured it out. That’s all that matters. - he smiles brightly - Wait, does that mean we could have been doing this for months?!

- Yep. - you laugh and he joins you, the sound making you feel at home.

The night is spent sharing stories of how you’ve felt about him and vice versa, times you almost revealed your feelings to someone else in the cast (though, let’s face it, everyone knew), weird dreams involving each other that you felt too embarrassed to share before, and just retelling good stories of your adventures. You move around in bed, sometimes facing each other side by side, or sitting, or him resting his head on your lap. You share secrets and childhood stories that neither of you had the chance to bring up before. Bad habits and hopes for the future. You don’t even notice falling asleep, only waking up to the sunlight slipping through the curtains and his arms wrapped around you.

- Good morning, sleepyhead. - you smile when his eyes open, so close to him you could count his freckles.

- Good morning, babe. - he smiles back, his voice still raspy. - I can’t believe we didn’t have sex. The guys would crucify me.

- We have plenty of time ahead of us. - you laugh with him - In fact, we have a whole day to do whatever we want.

- Hmm so what are we thinking? Pancakes? - he pulls you closer, your legs still intertwined, and you hum in response.

- We’ll figure it out as we go. - you look into his eyes, your words possibly meaning a lot more than just your schedule for the day. He kisses you softly.

- Hey, (y/n).. wanna watch something boring?

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week forty-two

10.25.1997 10.27.2007 10.28.2007

10.25.1997

81) "You're Not Alone," by Olive

Context matters. I react poorly to a lot of these European dance anthems. But real talk, if I heard this song in Eurovision, this would be extremely my shit. This song would finish fifth place in Eurovision and part of my shit is really loving the fifth place finisher in Eurovision. And this is at least somewhat subtle, it nicely builds to the moments of loud synthy garbage. I'm down with this! No, it's not good, but a song doesn't have to be good for you to like it.

95) "Sunshine," by Jay-Z ft./Babyface & Foxy Brown

How come there aren't any hip-hop love songs? Thre aren't any rap songs that begin by saying, "Yo, I'm takin' my best girl to the Japanese place downtown!" and THEN describe how big her ass is and how lovely her breasts are. There's been a long and steady devolution to this point where dudes are singing "I know you wanna love but I just wanna fuck" and all that, and I don't wanna seem like a prude, but songs about going out for sushi are way more interesting than breaking sex down into this animalistic transaction of pleasure from which no pleasure is ever actually derived because the singer is sad all the time and sex is meaningless.

97) "Pushin' Inside You," by Sons of Funk

OK. OK, I wasn't saying music wasn't crass in 1997. Of course there was shit going on, but you at least had counter-points to the more explicit songs.

98) "When Love Starts Talkin'," by Wynonna

Hey, remember the LeAnn Rimes song for a few hours ago? That was a lovely up-tempo hoedown, and I said I wouldn't mind to encounter it again, and guess what! I encountered it again, and I didn't mind! I love that 1997 put a fast country track with a dope female vocalist in my path! Good work this week, 1997, even if I don't have much to say about anything you offered. A B can win you most of these weeks, though.

10.27.2007

74) "As If," Sara Evans

So this week, Garth Brooks becomes the 37th member of the Decade Dance Club and the twelfth country dude, and the ratio is 12 country dudes to 2 country gals, and it's kind of weird that Keith Urban has made a decade-long career making perfectly cromulent songs that sometimes have a fiddle, but I haven't seen Sara Evans on this chart this year! This song is at least as OK as "Everybody." I wonder why Sara Evans didn't last in the country culture for as long as Keith Urban has! Very weird that country radio would just discard a woman, usually they treat women with a ton of respect and also as equals, it must absolutely be something she said. I am not going to look up what she said because I'm convinced it's her fault she couldn't find enduring success in a genre with as much equality as country music.

89) "Stay," Sugarland

The last country song had the phrase "blue jeans" in the first line and this song has the phrase "praying, PRAYING" in the second line and OK while modern music is all same-y and one song is indiscernable from the next at least it doesn't feel like pandering. You can make the argument that Post Malone is making an effort at honestly portraying his life (his "mood," as it were), and while his music is absolutely garbage, he's chosen a style of music he believes is consistent with his state of affairs and not the style that will make him most rich. I would have respected this song so much more if it were just an acoustic guitar and the vocals the whole time. What's that in the background, an organ or something? It's bullshit. It's dumb that you put it there.

91) "Clumsy," Fergie

I have made the argument before that Fergie's songs are actually good and that we have trouble separating art from the artist, have trouble considering "Glamorous" independent of the Humpsy context. I am not making this argument here. This song is horrible on every level. It's like someone half-heard an Amy Winehouse song in a grocery store and was asked two days later to write their version of that song.

95) "Pictures of You," The Last Goodnight

Real talk: I own this album. I have no idea why I bought it. I have no idea what about this song made me want to buy an entire album by this band. I think I just related to a dude with a mohawk making shallow pop music about how nice it is to remember someone you like, because hey that's pretty much me. "Yeah, man, I'm punk as fuck, I think capitalism is a failed experiment and I post on Facebook about Pokemon Christmas Bash."

10.28.2017

20) "Almost Like Praying," by Lin-Manuel Miranda ft./Artists for Puerto Rico

Help how you can.

55) "Pray," by Sam Smith

A MID-tempo Sam Smith song?! My stars! I didn't know he had it in him! Someone must have tricked him into eating a candy bar, or gave him one of those things that come from the granola bar companies that is real talk just a candy bar. "This is covered in chocolate." "It's Nature Valley, Samuel, a brand you can trust." And while he was in his sugar rushed state, they got him to agree to perform a song that had drums in it. Sam Smith: I don't go to church. A choir: NOOOOOO this song is stupid

60) "How Long," by Charlie Puth

It seems redundant that Charlie Puth is a thing while Maroon 5 is still a thing. My theory is that, when Adam Levine said "I hate this country so much" on a hot mic when his The Voice children were in a bad situation, Maroon 5 was Not A Thing for long enough that a new Chosen One was allowed to activate, and now there's two Maroon 5s wandering the earth and fighting evil with absolute peak sexiness. Is Charlie Puth hot? I think he might be hot in the sense that he's a music celebrity and there's a team of people making sure he looks at least acceptable when performing even mundane tasks like getting a Coke from a gas station, but would you give him a second thought if he were just a dude? Like, Adam Levine, you'd fuck that dude even if he weren't famous. You wouldn't give Charlie Puth the time of day if you didn't know his name from his dumb songs.

72) "Heaven," by Kane Brown

I'm back to being OK with this dude. His voice is pleasant, and I appreciate a small dose of sacrilege in a country song. I want this dude not to try for pop/country stardom and try for that Chris Stapleton stuff. Like, if this dude could add a convincing growl, he'd be unstoppable. But this needs to be the last time he makes a song like this.

91) "Dear Hate," by Maren Morris ft./Vince Gill

listen, country music, you can't say "Dear hate, I saw you on the news today" and then not name names. you also can't say "Dear hate, you sure are colorblind" and expect me to think you stand for anything. draw a line. tell me what you believe so i know if i can fuck with you. if you're gonna make a song called "Dear Hate," it's gotta do more than say "it'd be nice if people liked love!" it's "FDT" or nothing, y'all.

95) "Lights Down Low," by MAX ft./gnash

I appreciate that two young men with such different approaches to the caps lock key were able to bring their perspectives together for this song. This song was fine! I like that it goes somewhere and that MAX actually did things with his voice beyond lazily whisper over some EDM nonsense. I'd like to hear more from this guy, though I'm probably not gonna seek it out! He seems to really have a handle on how to make decent pop songs, and I'd like to hear what he does with less slow-jamzy stuff. Congratulations, MAX! You made me forget you put gnash on the track!

97) "Too Hotty," by Quality Control ft./Quavo, Takeoff & Offset

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is this not credited as a collaboration with migos? did we all just sort of agree that migos isn't a thing and the three members are now only solo artists? This was about as good as any other Migos song. And that's fine! Migos is good! I mostly like what they do, I just, I'm just typing words. At this point, y'all give me trap, I'm just gonna type until it looks like there's enough words and decide the content is substantive. Here you go. Hot content, fresh off the fingertips.

Who won the week?

Uh... Honestly, this week was more or less acceptable for everyone. No truly standout tracks, but nothing I’d be angry to ever hear again. I think 1997 takes it because light-hearted Jay-Z is such a rare and delightful version of Jay-Z we don’t really hear from that much, so yeah, ‘97.

Current standings: 1997: 16 2007: 12 2017: 14 Next time: we consider the Dawson’s Creek theme song, we listen to four songs people made in 2007 because they were out of ideas, and I get to find out what Russell Dickerson is. What a dumb name! I know he’s not a country dude because there’s no way you’re making it in country with a name like Russell Dickerson, too many syllables.