#yo establishing a 3d space?? is she back???

[yappacadaver]

Hi :)

Is the Zevlor-Ask Box still open? If so, maybe Zevlor cooking something? Like, sleepily frying some eggs (I bet he can crack em with one hand) or maybe chopping some veggies. He brings out my inner grandma (among other things) and I just hope he's eating enough lol.

No worries if you don't get around to it, I'm already excited to just talk about him :3 hope you havea good day!

Sleepy old man fries an egg in his pajamas.... All's well in Baldur's Gate :'D canon, trust me :'D

[pyropsychiccollector]

Danganronpa: Another IF (Chapter 3, Part 1)

            “Um… Naegi?”

            It was the night following the second Class Trial, and everyone had headed for their dorm rooms. The Luckster had been moving to do the same, hand on the door handle, seeing as how Maizono had still been keeping her distance. He was worried about her, but he didn’t want to force her to say anything.

            “Yeah, what’s up?”

            … But seeing as how she was appearing shy again, he figured he’d be amicable and listen to her. It was the least he could do, after the hellish trial they’d gone through… and the gruesome execution they were forced to bear witness to once again.

            “M-Maybe I have no right requesting this from you… Y-You’re free to turn me down. But… could… Could we talk in your room, just for a little bit?” Maizono was unable to meet Naegi’s eyes as her cheeks pinked. “I w-want to tell you something, and I just… want to make sure no one else hears…”

            “S-Sure!” Naegi’s face was heating up, too, and he felt his heartbeat racing. Before he made the situation awkward, getting caught up in the moment, Naegi opened his door and gestured invitingly. “C’mon…!”

            Before Naegi knew it, he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his neck, and something soft on his lips. It took the Luckster about five seconds to realize that Maizono was… kissing him… And he was fully frozen in place the whole time the idol was doing it. When Sayaka pulled back for breath, there was a genuine smile on her face, and she was blushing up a storm.

            “Sorry~. I couldn’t hold it off any longer!” She giggled at his gobsmacked expression. “I wanted to wait until we got out of here… but I don’t want to leave any regrets. I want to reaffirm my feelings for you before I lose my nerve!”

            With sweaty palms, Naegi took ahold of her hand and brought her inside his room, blushing just as much as she was. The idol’s tinkling laughter following them inside as he shut the door.

            ~*~

            The next morning, only ten people showed up to breakfast. Naegi, Maizono, Leon, Kirigiri, Sakura, Mondo, Fujisaki, Junko, Celes, and Yamada. As expected, the Ultimate Affluent Progeny was nowhere to be seen.

            “I suppose our first order of business should be deciding a new leader…” Sakura solemnly spoke as they all sat down.

            “I guess so…” Leon agreed. “Morale’s not lookin’ too good, huh?”

            “Why not appoint Miss Celestia Ludenberg?” Yamada proposed. Celes merely giggled as she folded her bands beneath her chin.

            “That is very sweet, but I could not possibly lead when my subjects do not listen to me. Such as with the curfew… and the ability to adapt…” Practically everyone sweatdropped with the first example. She’d broken her own curfew, after all.

            “U-Um… Leon could do it?” Fujisaki suggested. “O-Or Mondo…”

            Leon rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

            “Bein’ the Ultimate Baseball Star, I guess I give off a ‘leader’ type of vibe, but I’m not really cut out for that…”

            Mondo also shook his head.

            “Sorry, kid… I’m still out of it. I wanna do that eventually, pick up where bro left off. But… just not now.”

            “I dunno…” Junko swung her legs back and forth lazily. “Sakura seemed okay-ish with it, kickstarting this meeting. Why not have her do it?”

            “I… must politely decline.” Sakura said, frowning. She cited no reason for her refusal.

            Celes giggled again.

            “Here is a novel idea… Why not have Makoto take up the reins?”

            Makoto blinked in shock as he gestured at himself.

            “M-Me? I’m not on the same level as you guys… I don’t have any… leadership qualities…” The Luckster scratched his cheek sheepishly.

            “Out of everyone here, Monokuma has yet to truly break you.” Kirigiri pointed out. “Moreover, you keep everyone united as best as you can. In an environment like this… we really do need undying optimism such as yours.”

            “She’s right!” Sayaka beamed at the Luckster.

            “No complaints here~.” Junko grinned and flashed a peace sign.

            “Sounds good!” Leon consented as well. It quickly became obvious that that would be the trend. Even Mondo, who’d punched his lights out on the first day, agreed he could get behind that. If Togami had been present, he likely would have challenged Naegi’s qualifications, but he wasn’t there, so no one was opposed.

            “At any rate… What should we do from here?” Yamada pressed on. “We can’t find an exit… and nobody’s coming to save us… Guh! Just saying so depresses me…”

            “We just need to make friends and live here together peacefully.” The Ultimate Gambler suggested. “Forget about the outside world and embrace our new lives here. That is our one glimmer of hope right now.”

            “I can’t imagine… living in this place forever…” Naegi shook his head.

            “We have food and clothing in abundance, and no lack of conveniences… What is there to be dissatisfied about? I ask you, what more does the outside world have to offer?” There was something about how Celes looked as she asked that those questions that got Naegi starting to think her mantra about ‘adapting’ was a lie… Quite frankly, the gambler looked miserable… though, this place tended to have that effect on them. And just as quickly as that depressed look had flashed across her face, it disappeared. “Competition, discrimination, sacrifice, violence… As society grows in size, so too does its sadism… On the contrary, we’re better off here…”

            “’Heretical Angel * Super Squishy Princess’…!” Yamada abruptly blurted out, confusing Celes and everyone else.

            “What was that?” The gambler snorted out in amusement.

            “Drillshop Megu, The Bunny-Eared Amazoness, Catgirl Dogboy, Galactic King Justice Robo… And, and, and…” Yamada let out a shriek of frustration. “At any rate, there is no 2D in this place!!!”

            “It is because you and everyone else cling to your desires that the Puppetmaster has so much control…” Celes tsk’ed.

            “Anyway…” Leon sighed as he didn’t like the routes that conversation was leading to. Yamada being an otaku, and Celes being… Celes. “Shouldn’t we be headin’ out soon? There’s gotta be new places open to us now.”

            Mondo rubbed the back of his neck.

            “Yeah… That’s how it went last time. Trial, then exploration.”

            “Very well. After breakfast, we shall split up and begin the exploration. Is that agreeable, Celes?”

            The gambler giggled pleasantly.

            “I’m certain there are discoveries just waiting to be made that will further enrich our lives here…”

            “Yeeeah…” Junko drawled. “Clues about the mastermind and ways of escape are still our highest priority…”

            Naegi didn’t feel like much of a leader just sitting there, but he supposed everyone’s decisions were sensible… He still wanted to talk to Celes again at some point, try to understand her better.

            ~*~

            “So… the third floor of Hope’s Peak Academy opened up this time…” Naegi muttered as he reached the top of the stairs. There was one door immediately close to the stairs, but he didn’t peek into that room yet. Around a corner to the right of the stairs, there were a couple more classrooms, which Sakura and Mondo were looking into.

            Deciding to leave the classrooms and windows to them, Naegi and Maizono went back to the room closest to the stairs. When they entered, they found Leon and Celes in what looked like a rec room.

            “Yo, Naegi! Looks like they got a pool table! Darts, too!” The baseball star grinned.

            “Billiards, darts… Othello and Shogi… They even have some magazines~.” Celes gestured to the rack. “We have no dearth of cures for boredom.”

            And then, Monokuma had to rear his head…

            “Dun dun-dun-dun dun duuun! I has some additional intelligence!” The bear proclaimed proudly. “While there’s fashion, motorcycle, martial arts, gaming, baseball, soccer, PC mags, and more… you won’t find anything dirty. I mean, this is a school. You’ll just have to live with a few risqué pinups!”

            “When new issues of these magazines are published, will they be made available to us?” Celes asked curiously. Monokuma rubbed the back of his head bashfully.

            “No can do~. Even if I wanted to, the magazines themselves…” The bear ‘caught’ himself, giggling. “Ack! Nevermiiind! That’s all the intel for now, buh-bye!”

             “That was… weird.” Maizono mused. Leon rubbed the back of his head in aggravation.

            “Always teasing out new info… Just when are we supposed to get some answers here?”

            “Well... There’s nothing that can be done about it right now, I guess…” Naegi muttered.

            “It’s a pity… It would quite enrich our lives if we were to receive new reading material from time to time.” Celes lamented.

            After looking around the rec room a bit longer, Naegi and Maizono parted ways with Celes and Leon. And as they navigated through the halls, both the Luckster and idol realized it was a sizeable floor. There was a ton of hallway space, lots of twists and turns. They found Kirigiri loitering in the halls, deep in thought.

            The next room they found looked to be an art room – canvases, statues, statues, chairs, and art tools littering the room, and a wall toward the back that was peppered with sketches that looked to be drawn by high schoolers. There were some lockers, too, but they were empty. Yamada was in this room,

            “Well, well, well… what a fine establishment this is. My artsy sense is tingling!” Yamada proudly placed his hands on his hips. “Not only is there a bounty of painting supplies, there’s quite the selection of sculpting tools!”

            “You’re into sculpting, Yamada?” Naegi asked curiously. The otaku fiddled with his glasses, grinning.

            “Generally speaking, I partake not of the 3D world. But ah, figures are different – they’re practically 2D.”

            ‘Not sure how he’s defining ‘practically’…’

            “I’m particularly fond of the works of Charanbo, Pumpkinhead, and Saburou Roppongi… ‘Mama Cat’ exemplifies Charanbo’s distinct style through his sublime rendering of the feline form. Pumpkinhead produces the highest-class faerie model prototypes of anyone this century… Saburou Roppongi, master of the posable figure, went overseas proselytizing about mech-girls… All of whom are perfectly suited to be named the Elite Four of the Figure World!”

            Naegi and Maizono blinked.

            “The Elite Four? But there’s only three…”

            “’Elite Three’ simply sounds foolish! Furthermore, the reason one seat remains unclaimed… Precisely! ‘Tis for myself! Heh heh heh, and so begins… The Legend of Hifumi Yamada: Conqueror of the Apocalypse…”

            “Mmm’kay… Good luck with that…” The Luckster sweatdropped. Maizono seemed to have a bad feeling about Yamada’s…. mood… and she tugged Naegi along toward the room in the back, which appeared to be a storage room. Various supplies were stored there, like a trolley and wooden hammers.

            The thing that drew their attention, however, was not the tools, but a single picture lying on the floor. What was intriguing was the occupants of the picture. It looked to be some sort of festival, and there were a couple of booths depicted – booths that were run by Hagakure and Fukawa. The former was telling fortunes and laughing, while the other was doing a book signing and looking bashful about getting attention from fans.

            “Wh-What is this…?” Maizono wondered aloud.

            “Why the two of them?” Naegi also wondered. Question after question flooded their minds; the picture didn’t look like it was taken at the academy, and the two looked happy. It was all so bizarre…

            “Give that back! It’s mine!” Monokuma suddenly appeared, swiping the photograph. He laughed at their dumbfounded expressions. “Uh-oh~! Didja see it? Them’s some nice smiles, huh? They’re enjoying the academy life… It’s like a page out of the book of youth~!”

            “What do you know about that picture?” Naegi demanded.

            “Not telling~!” Monokuma teased and abruptly left.

            The Luckster and idol shared confused glances before they reluctantly left the storage and art rooms. They weren’t going to get answers by staying there; there was more of the third floor to explore, anyway. They eventually came across another gate, which appeared to lead to a fourth floor. And a few more turns in the hall led them to what was apparently a physics lab…

            “Ya just missed him,” Junko said as the two got a look around the lab that appeared more like a research facility, “But the bear said this huge machine is an air purifier. It’s kinda the reason we’re able to breathe in here, with the academy sealed off as it is.”

            Fujisaki looked a bit depressed.

            “Yeah… But he was cruel about explaining it, saying it was a time machine at first…”

            Junko just sighed exasperatedly.

            “I can’t wait to get my hands on the jerk controlling that thing…”

            Attached to the physics lap, there was another storage room that seemed to function as a prep room for the lab. But the main thing that captured everyone’s attention was the camera on a table in the physics lab; it had a bizarre anime character imprinted on it, and it was a bit dusty, but it looked like something Yamada would own.

            ~*~

            Sometime later, they all met back up in the cafeteria to discuss their findings. As expected, Togami was missing from that meeting, too. Apparently, he’d grabbed some books from the library, and was reading in the changing room for the sauna.

            “The third floor has a physics lab…” Fujisaki started them off.

            “Yeah, it’s got an air purifier as its main attraction.” Junko remarked. “Supposedly provides all the clean air in the academy since we’re, y’know, sealed off.”

            Mondo rubbed the back of his neck.

            “Yeah… On that note, the metal plates covering the windows are screwed on just as tight on the third floor… Still no way out.”

            “I’m sad to say, it hardly comes as a surprise at this point…” Sakura murmured.

            Yamada tried to lift their spirits up.

            “Well, there’s an art room now, at least! I can finally draw my anime characters!”

            “Oh yeah… we did find a camera in the physics lab.” Maizono said as she held it up for everyone to see.

            “A digital camera…” Kirigiri noted.

            “Does it work?” Leon asked.

            “Seems to.” Naegi replied.

            Fujisaki hung his head sadly.

            “Yeah, but the picture quality is low… There’s only room enough to save five photos, and there’s not even a self-timer. I’m sorry…”

            “Jeez, there’s no need to apologize…” Mondo tried to cheer Fujisaki up. “It looks like a kids’ toy, anyway.”

            “The design looks to be some sort of cartoon character,” Celes agreed.

            Yamada was clearly affronted.

            “Excuse me?! That’s Princess Buuko from ‘Heretical Angel * Super Squishy Princess’!”

            “Do you know what this is, Yamada?” Naegi scratched his cheek nervously.

            “Do I know what it is!? This digital camera was awarded to the victor of the bingo tournament… held at the special event commemorating ‘Heretical Angel’s’ anime adaptation… It’s stupendously rare. I managed to convince the victor to bequeath it to me for a large sum… Hey! That’s mine!”

            “What?!” Naegi, and everyone else, was flabbergasted.

            “Wh-Where did you find it?!”

            “L-Like Maizono said, it was in the physics lab…” The Luckster answered hesitantly.

            “I brought it with me because it’s my treasure, but it vanished on the first day with my cell phone…” Yamada explained.

            “Why would something like that be in the physics lab?” Celes wondered.

            “And why…” Yamada demanded. “… is it so dirty? I feel like a stamp collector who’s come home and found his collection used on a bunch of love letters. Oh, whatever…”

            “Whatever?” Maizono tilted her head curiously.

            “It’s no longer pure… I have no need for it…”

            “It sounded like you really cared about it, though…” Naegi pointed out. Celes smiled pleasantly.

            “Then is it alright if I hold onto it? It could prove useful. And if anyone finds themselves in need of a digital camera, feel free to call upon me.”

            “I can’t see a camera getting much use here…” Junko bluntly replied. Naegi shrugged neutrally.

            “You’re probably right.”

            Leon ran a hand through his hair casually.

            “Well, the only other thing on the third floor was the rec room.”

            “It will undoubtedly enrich our lives here quite considerably.” Celes remarked. “Ehehe… I would very much like to play a game of Othello with someone.”

            “While it isn’t related to the third floor, it would appear the infirmary is now open.” Kirigiri reported.

            “Is there any protein? Even supplements would suffice.” Sakura asked curiously. The mysterious girl shook her head.

            “Only medicine and other medical supplies.”

            “I see… that is quite unfortunate.”

            “I guess that leaves me and Maizono…” Naegi mused. “We saw all the stuff you guys did, but I guess the unique thing we found was a photograph…”

            “Yeah, that photo was weird… Monokuma ran off with it, though.” Sayaka mumbled.

            “Weird like perverted?” Leon cocked his head.

            “Not that kind of weird…” Naegi corrected him. “It was a photo of Hagakure and Fukawa. It looked like they were at some kind of festival, running some booths.”

            “Those two?” Kirigiri asked.

            “Yeah… the weird thing was they looked really… happy. I dunno, it seemed like they made it outside, somehow.”

            “When could a photograph like that have been taken? With the two of them happy…” Yamada wondered.

            “I never heard that they knew each other before the academy…” Celes mused.

            Sayaka nodded.

            “True… I mean, the booths weren’t side-by-side or anything, but they would’ve at least seen each other if they were at a festival like that. It’s weird how they seemed like they’d never even seen each other before.”

            “Surely you were just seeing things.” Yamada asserted. “’Twas an illusion conjured by Monokuma’s Malignant Gaze…”

            “But Maizono and I both saw it!” Naegi objected. “It’s kind of hard for two people to have the exact same hallucination…”

            “That’s true…” Leon conceded. “But think about it, dude. It couldn’t have been taken before they got here, and it definitely didn’t happen while they were here. And they shouldn’t have been able to have escaped somehow, ‘cause… well… We saw ‘em, y’know? They’re definitely dead.”

            “M-Maybe it was photoshopped…” Fujisaki proposed.

            “I can’t see it being anything other than a fabrication…” Celes confessed, agreeing with the programmer.

            “Just forget about Monokuma’s stupid pranks.” Mondo spoke frankly. “We ain’t got time to be scratchin’ our heads over that crap.”

            “Yeah… We should focus on getting out of here, and getting ready for Monokuma’s next motive… That guy just won’t quit.” Junko agreed.

            Fresh out of leads, the group settled into an uncertain silence. While there were new accessible areas, the fact remained none of them would help in the long run. A rec room, an art room, and a physics lab. All were interesting, but not practical for their circumstances.

            Fujisaki particularly looked contemplative, before he piped up with a peculiar request.

            “Hey, um… Would you all mind joining me in the changing room?” Not bothering to elaborate, the programmer stood up and shuffled off nervously. Too curious not to follow, the group left the cafeteria.

            ~*~

            Apparently, Togami was not in the changing room anymore. And quite a few of them were happy for it.

            “So, what’s up, Fujisaki?” Makoto asked. Leon scratched his head.

            “Why meet in here?”

            “O-Oh. Well, this is the only room I’ve found where there aren’t any security cameras!” The programmer explained. He then pulled out a laptop from a locker. “S-So… When I got this computer working again, I figured this was the best place to hide it! It’s my way of trying to help everyone!”

            “That’s the laptop from the library… I see.” Kirigiri mused. “Were you able to find any information?”

            “Well… I think I’ll let my program explain. It’s an AI called Alter Ego!” The programmer beamed.

            “AI?” Junko cocked her head.

            “Alter Ego is the reason Fujisaki is called the Ultimate Programmer.” Kirigiri explained. “Alter Ego is a program, residing on a computer, that learns and develops through communication. It’s an innovative, revolutionary artificial intelligence, built upon and refined… from the concepts of support vector machines and reinforcement learning…”

            “Vector machines? Reinforcement learning?” Naegi was among the confused.

            “To put it simply, it’s a way for machines to learn… As the artificial intelligence continues to grow, it becomes more than just a simple assistant… They say it can eventually be used in place of humans for the majority of tasks.” Kirigiri finished her explanation, and Chihiro seemed a little relieved to not have to say all that.

             “You sure know a lot, Kirigiri! I’m impressed!” He giggled.

            “So that’s why it’s called Alter Ego… An apt name indeed.” Celes complimented Fujisaki. “It develops by building memories and using them in its thought process – just like a human. An artificial intelligence raised in that manner could indeed be considered one’s alternate personality.”

            “A perfect personality – one that never forgets, never weakens… That is his program… That is… Alter Ego…”

            It was hard not to be impressed. Even to the people who had little to no knowledge of computers, it sounded like Fujisaki had made something incredible.

            “Ah, you’ve come for me, My Lord!” Fujisaki’s smiling face was suddenly on the computer screen, and the program even had his voice.

            Mondo looked between the screen and Fujisaki.

            “Th-There’s two of ‘em…” He muttered.

            Yamada stroked his chin excitedly.

            “Mmm! She calls you, ‘My Lord’! I see, I see… That’s so unbelievably… adorable~!”

            “What happened to being 2D-only, tubs?” Leon raised an unimpressed eyebrow, arms crossed.

            “She is a fine specimen of the second dimension!” Yamada cheered.

            “Do you not even remember the last trial? Fujisaki’s a guy! So Alter Ego’s a guy! And he’s an artificial intelligence!”

            “I see no problem here~.” Yamada nodded sagely. Leon just groaned.

            After a short bit of typing on the keyboard, Alter Ego started speaking again.

            “There’s a large quantity of files on the hard drive that My Lord wanted me to analyze… He thinks they’re documents concerning the academy, but they’re surprisingly well-secured… So it’s taking a bit of time…”

            At their inquiring gazes, Chihiro elaborated.

            “I’m not sure yet, but the files might be related to the secrets of the academy! That might be why they’re so well-encrypted.”

            “How long will it take you to decrypt them?” Kirigiri asked.

            “It’s definitely going to take some time…” The programmer apologized. “Alter Ego just started on them yesterday, and he’s got a ways to go still… I’m sorry…”

            “No need to apologize!” Sayaka assured him.

            “Any information will be helpful, so it’ll be worth the wait!” Naegi chipped in.

            “We’ll need to keep Alter Ego a secret…” Kirigiri decided. “Can he lie low without drawing attention to himself?”

            “It’ll be fine!” Fujisaki promised. “Like I said, there are no cameras in this room, and Alter Ego will be able to call out for help if he sees anyone suspicious through the webcam!”

            Celes hummed doubtfully.

            “While that will be no issue during the day, I’m worried about nighttime… Do recall that our rooms are completely soundproof…”

            Kirigiri cupped her chin thoughtfully.

            “I’ll leave the door to my room open during the nighttime… That way, I won’t fail to notice if Alter Ego starts to scream.”

            Mondo’s hand twitched in concern.

            “But if you leave your door wide open like that…”

            “Yes, there’s a chance I could be killed.” Kirigiri did not deny the possibility. “But… could any of you really kill me? I don’t think I’ll die that easily.”

            Sayaka ran a hand through her hair nervously. There was something about Kirigiri’s tone that put them on edge, but at the same time made them confident that their newest source of hope would be safe at all times.

            “L-Let’s leave it to Kirigiri… She hasn’t let us down yet.”

            “Y-Yeah…” Leon agreed with a nod.

            Kirigiri calmly closed her eyes and started walking toward the exit.

            “Well, I think that will do it for today… If we stay here too long, the Puppetmaster might take notice.”

            No one objected. Fujisaki set the laptop back in the locker and left it open a crack, as it had been before. Admittedly, that first night putting Alter Ego in the changing room had frightened him; but now that he had told everyone else, he felt he’d made the right call. Even if he had a long ways to go yet, Chihiro Fujisaki felt like he was making progress to becoming stronger – not just in body, but his character as well.

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

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Chapter 9:  A Suit And Also Something About The Future

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: rose

TG: rose

TG: rose lalonde

TG: rose insert middle name here lalonde

TG: what is your middle name anyway

TG: i dont think ive ever learned it

TG: do you even have a middle name

TG: did you ever just make up a middle name for yourself

TG: like every time someone asked about it you just threw a random name that could possibly be your middle name at them

TG: one person asks and youre like yeah of fucking course i have a middle name its alexandria

TG: but then a completely different person asks and your middle name is suddenly irene

TG: or are you one of those people with like a bazillion different middle names

TG: rose

TG: answer me

TG: i know youre not idle because it hasnt given me that message that youre idle

TG: rooosse

TT: I do have a middle name.

TT: It’s Violet.

TG: what really

TT: Yes.

TT: Why were you being so persistent in attempting to contact me anyway?

TG: did kanaya tell you that i needed to be at rosemary today at two

TT: Yes, she did.

TT: …

TT: Oh.

TG: yeah

TG: i would have gone by myself but i had a feeling you would want to go see kanaya again

TT: I appreciate your consideration.

TT: Should I come pick you up or would you rather us meet up at the store?

TG: you should come pick me up

TG: its ten times easier than trying to get to the store at the same time

TT: Will do.

TT: I’ll be there soon.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

You wait around for a few minutes until Rose knocks on your door.

“How are you doing, my dear brother?”

“Rose, you messaged me like twenty minutes ago. You know damn well how I’m doing.”

“You make that sound as if something horrible is going on in your life. And here I am, remembering how you messaged me recently about going shopping with Karkat.”

“And we’re going now. Come on. We don’t have much time to lose. If we don’t get to the store soon, reality is going to cease to exist. I know this may sound bad, but it’s true, so we’re going to have to go off into space towards Venus. And by space I mean road and by Venus I mean Rosemary. If we don’t, then reality will come apart bit by bit. First, all the details of everything will start to fade, and we won’t even realize it at first because the fucking details are so goddamned tiny, and who even takes notice of them anyways? Then, shadows start fading away until everything looks 2D, but everything is still in 3D even if it doesn’t look like it. Afterwards, shitty jpeg artifacts will spring from the void, and this will keep on happening until our reality is indistinguishable from the void.”

“Perhaps I will get to meet Cthulhu. They do, after all, reside in the void.”

“I’m pretty sure that Cthulhu is the mightiest of all the fucking horrorterrors. You might have to meet each of the lesser horrorterrors, like, I don’t know, Fluthlu or something, before you even start to think about meeting Cthulhu.”

“Of course. How could I be so blind as to not be able to realize that it was required for me to meet every other horrorterror in nonexistence before I, a mere mortal, am able to even begin to comprehend Cthulhu’s power. However, I must say that it is appealing to meet Fluthlu and to hear his call, even if it means any joy I feel will be lost forever.”

“What the fuck? You mean Fluthlu is an actual thing? I was just making shit up.”

“Yes, Dave. Fluthlu is an actual thing, although he is the smallest and weakest of all the horrorterrors.”

“How big is he exactly?”

“Larger than the tallest skyscraper. If you wish, I can lend you the Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious so that you may get somewhat of a grasp of the monstrosities that reside in the furthest ring.”

“No, thank you. I am a okay over here where I am. I have absolutely no desire to subcom to the forces of the rulers of the void.”

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to be given orders from those from the furthest ring so that I may carry out their demands.”

“Jesus.”

“No. The opposite, really.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Like I said, I don’t believe Jesus has anything to do with submitting to the Gods of the Void.” Rose parked the car, and the two of you entered into Rosemary.

“I would very much appreciate it if you would stop licking the clothes. Right here is a sign that we put up just for you.”

“Karkat! You don’t have to talk like I don’t know you!”

“As much as I would love to use more colorful descriptions of why you should not lick the clothes, I would prefer to stay professional while I am at work.”

“Wait. Do I smell?” Terezi went towards you. “Is that you, Dave? I haven’t smelled your face in ages!”

“Holy shit, Rezi. I was wondering why this place had a sign that said not to lick the clothes. Have you been getting into a shit ton of trouble recently?”

“As a lawyer of my standing? Of course not! There would be hell to pay.” Terezi cackled. “Anyway, what is a cool kid like you doing here?”

“He’s here to get fitted for his suit.” Karkat answered for you. “Also, I think Kanaya and Rose have already gone back there, so go back there before they start doing things that none of us want to hear.”

“Will do.” You finger gun towards Karkat. “Sorry that I have to cut this meeting short, Rezi, but I don’t believe my ears can handle the sounds of two flighty broads going at it.”

“Apology accepted. I’ll just annoy Karkat some more.”

“No, you won’t.” Karkat interrupted. “Because you literally just had an appointment, and you should therefore be leaving now unless you are able to behave yourself in this establishment.”

“Wow, way to sound like a mom, Karkat.”

“Just…” Karkat rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “Go get your fitting done, Dave. And, Terezi, don’t lick the clothes. We have gone over this one hundred times.”

“One hundred and three, actually. Specific numbers are important in court.”

You go to the back to get your fitting done, despite wanting to see how the conversation would play out.

When you got to the back room, Kanaya and Rose were giggling about something or other, but, when they noticed that you were there, Rose gave Kanaya a smile and left the room, presumably to look around the shop. That left you with Kanaya by yourself.

"While I do love spending time with Rose, I feel as if it would be unprofessional to constantly be distracted by my girlfriend while doing my work, so I requested that she go look around the store while I do your fitting." Kanaya got out a bunch of stuff and asked if you would try on the suit she made.

You put on the suit, and she began to busy herself with making marks and holding the fabric aside to see if it would fit you better if it was like this or like that.

"So, how have you been doing, Dave?"

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old. I'm still doing videos on Grubtube if you were wondering. That hasn't stopped being a thing. I actually got a huge spike in viewers after I reviewed Karkat's rant, so I suppose I have that to thank him for. He'd probably be horrified though. Might spur him on to make yet another scathing rant."

"I'm sure it would be just as amusing as the first rant he wrote."

"That's a guarantee. I don't think I've ever met anyone as creative with words as he is. Does he do any writing? He should. He would probably be really good at it."

"He does dabble in writing." Kanaya said. "Although, I believe I may be understating it. He does a bit more than just dabble in writing. It's similar to a second job for him, except that he's more passionate about writing than he is about his job here, even if I do everything I can to make sure that Karkat enjoys his job here."

"That's nice of you. There are so many business owners who take advantage of all the poor kids who need money so badly that they are willing to work a shitty job for minimum wage and attempt to live off of that."

"Yes. It is really awful. I do pay Karkat and my other employees a living wage, and I give them various job benefits."

"Sounds like a fucking dream job."

"For some, it is. It isn't the case for Karkat, however. He simply works here because he needs to money, as he hasn't exactly gotten much in terms of royalties for his writing."

"What does he write, anyway? Has he published anything?" You ask.

"He mostly writes romance novels. I assume he has already informed you of his interest in romance?"

"Oh, yeah. He only talks my ears off about how these two's relationship in this novel is absolute shit, and that guy should not be within one hundred feet of the other person, and that it's a mutually unhealthy relationship, and they should really just break it off now."

"I'll take that as a yes then. As for if he's published anything, he has published a few short stories, but he has yet to feel satisfied enough with the novel he's working on to publish it. It's actually kind of a shame, since it is a phenomenal story."

"What's his story about?"

"I think Karkat explains it better than I do, so you might want to ask him. Afterall, it is his story. It's possible he'll even let you read it, but try not to get your hopes up."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Alright, I've finished. You can change back into your normal clothes. And do you mind giving me your contact information? I'm afraid I forgot to ask you when you were last here."

"No problem."

You got out of the suit in order to put on your regular clothes before trading chumhandles with Kanaya.

"Thank you. I'm going to talk to Rose for a bit about the suit, so you can go out there and roam around the store or talk to Karkat about his novel."

"Alright. Should I get Rose for you?"

"That would be greatly appreciated."

You leave the room to go find Rose, who you find quickly.

"Yo, Rose. Your girlfriend wants to talk to you about the suit or something in the back."

"Alright."

Rose left, and you glanced around the store a bit before making your way towards Karkat.

"So, Karkat, I heard you like writing. That's pretty cool."

"Yeah. I don't think you would be very interested in what I write though. It's mostly romance."

"What, no. If I wasn't interested, why the flying fuck would I be asking about it? I may seem like a complete insufferable prick, but I do actually have a heart that is capable of appreciating a well-written romance. I've gotta have my emotional fix of romantic content every once in awhile instead of rejecting any semblance of such a thing because some people don't like it when boys enjoy romantic things. It's like, jeez. Why can't a guy just be given flowers for once? It's not hurting anyone for a guy to love and appreciate his significant other showering him with love and affection."

Karkat smiled and chuckled.

"It sounds like you're not as much of a douchmuffin when it comes to romance as I first thought."

It takes you a moment to respond because Karkat smiling at you caught you off guard.

"Oh, yeah, I guess not." You finally manage to scrounge up the words to respond to him. "So, anyway, Kanaya mentioned you were writing a novel. What's it about?"

"Well, like I said, it's a romance, so, of course, you have to have the main character and their love interest. But there isn't really much actual conflict in the book. It's mostly just about two guys who become friends and eventually get together to have a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship." Karkat sounds like he's holding back, but there's this soft passion in his eyes that make you want to ask him more about his novel.

However, before you can do so, Rose comes out of the back.

"Are you ready to go, Dave?" Rose asked.

"I guess so. Hey, Karkat. Tell me more about your novel over pesterchum, alright? It sounds really interesting."

"Okay." Karkat looked kind of dumbstruck, but you were already being dragged out of the store by Rose.

"What's the rush?" You ask when the two of you make it to the car.

"I just learned that Kanaya's birthday is coming up." Rose had a grave look on her face. "I don't have any idea what to get her."

"Maybe you could try getting her something simple but heartfelt." You suggest.

"How can I just get her something simple when she's so..." She paused and stumbled over her words like a highschool girl with a crush. "Beautiful? Intelligent? Deserving of an amazing gift because she has blessed the world with her existence?"

"Okay, that's fair, but I don't think you have to worry about it so much if that's how you feel about her. Kanaya will probably love whatever you get her. If you don't believe me, I can give you Karkat's Trollhandle so that you can contact him. He would know better than anyone other than Kanaya if she would like a certain gift or not."

"I guess that would be a simpler solution. What's his handle?"

"CarcinoGeneticist. I could write it down if I had some paper and pen, but I guess I can just do that real quick when we get to my place."

"I would be grateful for that."

"Sure, anytime. But I still think that, no matter what you get Kanaya, she will love it. Speaking of her birthday though, I should probably get something for her. Huh. It occurs to me now that I don't actually know her that well since I don't talk to her that often. Then again, I could always just contact her when I get home because I got her Trollhandle while at the store. That is, if she doesn't contact me first to talk about when she should be able to get my suit done. Wait, wait, I won't be able to contact her once I get home because she'll be at work, so I would have to wait a while. And I can't talk to Karkat immediately because he is also at work. Well, shit. Guess I'll just have to play the waiting game."

"I guess you will. What were talking about with Karkat? I didn't get to talk to him much while I was out there because he was speaking to Terezi, who I know about as well as you know Kanaya."

"We started talking about a novel he was working on. It's a romance novel, but I didn't really get to learn much about it, but Karkat looked like he wanted to say a lot more about it, but he didn't, which is kind of sad because I really wanted to know more about it. Obviously because I want to be a good friend and shitty friends don't listen to their friends when they talk about shit they love."

"Of course not. Anyway, we're at your place now, so could you grab a piece of paper and pen in order to write down Karkat's Troll handle."

"Sure thing, Lalonde." You quickly go inside your house and write down carcinoGeneisist on a piece of paper before giving it to Rose.

"Thank you."

"No prob, Bob."

"Please never say that again." Rose requested.

"Righty tighty, sounds alrighty." You finger gun at her and leave before she can tell you off for saying that, if the disgusted look on her face is anything to go by.

You were now at home. What to do.

Pester your friends, of course. You haven't talked to your best buddy in a while.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: yo egbert are you there

EB: yeah i'm here.

EB: what do you want to talk about?

TG: i dont know man a guy cant just pester his best friend for no good reason at all

EB: well, i guess he can!

EB: but you usually have something in mind to talk about when you pester me.

TG: i guess a conversation usually does require a topic to talk about to actually have some kind of conversation

TG: but there are plenty of conversations that take place in this world that are absolute bullshit and nothing ever gets done or said

TG: but seriously

TG: we havent talked in a while

TG: hows it going

EB: it's going pretty good!

EB: i'm getting more popular, and i think some of my jokes have become a meme?

EB: i can't remember which ones off the top of my head, but some people are beating a dead horse.

EB: like, i get it, my jokes are funny, but is it really necessary to repeat them until even the mention of a single word from it sets off laughter from anyone who hears it?

TG: it is most certainly necessary

TG: thats how memes live

TG: and that is how they die

TG: it is the way of the meme

TG: youve gotta get to the point where an outsider looking in wont be able to decipher all the fucking nonsense coming from the internets

TG: even people who know the meme inside and out will have to stare at the meme for a bit of time before they finally understand

TG: the meme will die when the people say it dies

TG: but the meme will live on forever in peoples hearts

EB: that sounds excessive.

TG: the world is excessive john

EB: that doesn't even make sense.

TG: listen

TG: the world is big

TG: its got so many fucking things in it

TG: people plants animals and a shit ton of other things

TG: they all live on this one planet with the sun shining bright in the daytime and the moon hung overhead threatening to destroy us at night

TG: All these things that our big ass planet has

TG: but there are planets that are so much fucking larger than our planet

TG: and they have a bunch of shit on them as well

TG: and then there are stars bigger than our sun

TG: and they have a bunch of shit in them

TG: and our universe expands and retracts like its some kind of giant frog idk

TG: the universe is excessive

TG: the world is excessive

TG: our entire existence is excessive

TG: all is excessive

EB: okaaaaaaaay........

TG: you may not accept it but it is the full truth

TG: anyway

TG: is there anything else interesting that is happening in your live currently

EB: well, there is this one thing that keeps happening to me

TG: lay it on me

EB: recently, there has been this one person who's been coming to a lot of my shows, but all they do is boo whatever i say.

EB: it makes people laugh, so i don't usually pay it that much attention, but it's been the exact same person every time.

EB: it's starting to get pretty annoying.

TG: obviously what you gotta is retaliate somehow

TG: like come up with a gold star quality comedy act about how they come to every fuckin thing you do and just boo you

TG: thats some comedy gold all by itself dude

EB: i've thought of that, but wouldn't that be kind of mean?

EB: what if the person doesn't want that kind of attention?

TG: dude if they have been to so many of your acts only to boo you every time you say something funny then they are clearly after attention

TG: it all depends on where you want this to go

TG: if you want to feed them then you can go ahead and feed them

TG: but you also have the choice to just leave them alone

TG: nothing is stopping you from doing whatever you want to do

EB: i guess?

EB: maybe i'll just leave it alone for now.

EB: they might stop if i ignore them for long enough, right?

TG: probably

TG: but i hope you realize that the trope of ignoring a bully will make them stop bullying only works if you really dont actually care

TG: the main question here is how do you feel about this person booing you at your comedy acts

EB: it's mostly just annoying.

EB: like, yeah, they boo pretty often, but, at the same time, they're cackling like my joke was the funniest thing they've ever heard in their life.

EB: at this point, it's kind of enduring.

TG: well shit

TG: if thats how you feel then you should definitely do a comedy act based on their cackling at your joke while also booing at your joke

EB: i'll think about it.

EB: enough about me though.

EB: how have you been doing?

EB: i've just been talking about myself this entire time.

TG: mostly ive just been kind of doing the usual

TG: but rose recently forced me to go get a custom suit from this place

TG: and i met this guy there that i became friends with

TG: and rose started dating the lady who owned the place

EB: how long ago did this happen???

TG: well it happened within the span of about two weeks maybe more because rose had been talking to the owner before i went there

TG: but they started dating within that two week time period

EB: i feel like i should have been informed of this sooner.

EB: i have to tell rose that i'm happy for her!

TG: she probably would have told you herself at some point

TG: no need to get any sort of backwater information from her twin

EB: still...

EB: but aside from that, what's your friend's name?

EB: and what's he like?

TG: his name is karkat and hes pretty angry but hes nice when you get to know him and he likes romcoms

EB: you know karkat????

TG: you know karkat?????

EB: of course i know karkat!

EB: he sent me a long rant about how my jokes were dumb and idiotic, but they still made him laugh for some reason.

TG: what a coincidence

TG: he sent me a long rant about how pointless and confusing my channel is

EB: ...

EB: is this just a thing he does?

TG: i honestly have no idea

TG: i have not heard anything about him sending long ass rants to people other than me or you but who really knows

TG: what made you contact him

EB: he seemed kind of funny, so i just emailed him back, and we eventually traded chumhandles.

EB: what about you?

TG: so remember how i said i met him at the store rose dragged me to

EB: yeah?

TG: i didnt know he was the one who made the rant at the time and i may have ended up giving him my chumhandle

EB: you didn't know he wrote the rant when you gave him your chumhandle?

EB: how did you not recognize the tone almost immediately?

TG: he was at work and being all professional and shit

TG: it wasnt until later when he contacted me that i found out

TG: apparently he originally got my chumhandle from tz but didnt contact me because he thought i was a douche

TG: but he changed his mind when he met me in real life

EB: you're as much of a douche in real life as you are on the internet.

EB: which is to say, you're a huge dork, and there's nothing you can do about it.

EB: but your first impressions do tend to make you seem like a prick.

EB: no offense!

TG: none taken

EB: so why would he not think you were as much of douche as he thought you were?

EB: you only don't act like a douche for first impressions unless it's someone you find attractive.

EB: wait.

EB: oh.

EB: dave, did you flirt with karkat????????

TG: what no

TG: maybe

TG: there is a possibility that a little bit of flirting was done

TG: but shhh

TG: no one can know

EB: we all know you have feelings, dave.

TG: shit my secret has been found out

TG: whatever am i going to do

EB: maybe you'll have to stage your death.

EB: the shittiest death you can possibly think of.

TG: oh shit what would be the shittiest death

TG: like what is the most idiotic way to die that you can think of

EB: i don't know.

EB: i think once a guy died because he was trying to find wi fi, but he ended up falling off a building.

TG: ouch

TG: that was way shittier than what i was thinking of

TG: and i wasnt even thinking of real people that actually died in stupid ways

TG: i have been blind to the possibilities

EB: clearly!

TG: no need to get smart with me egbert

TG: i was merely over here thinking about how fucking dumb it would be if i died by dogs

TG: like two dogs manage to ahold of a knife or something

TG: and they start stabbing me in the ankle or the leg

TG: i guess it would depend on how big the dogs were

TG: if they were big dogs it would be a little less stupid

TG: but can you imagine how goddamned idiotic it would be if i were to die by little itty bitty dogs like fucking chihuahuas or some shit

TG: it would be so fucking stupid

TG: cause i would be over here giving them love and affection

TG: and then they stab me in the leg

TG: and i would be like awww

TG: youre trying to stab me you little cutie

TG: and then i would die

TG: because i was being an idiot who didnt realize that i should not trust any lifeform with a knife

EB: chihuahuas are pretty angry though.

TG: youre right they are

TG: big dogs are so goddamned sweet

TG: like jades dog

TG: hes just big and fluffy and friendly

TG: everytime i visit her i just get a face full of slobber

TG: bec looking so goddamned happy to see me

TG: dogs really are the good in the world

TG: and roses cat hates me

TG: well he doesnt really hate me

TG: he just

TG: ignores and avoids me as much as possible

TG: i have no idea why

TG: he could at least be clawing at my face

TG: pretty sure i smell like birds and dead shit half the time

EB: why would you smell like birds?

TG: dude

TG: have you seen how crows just fucking flock to me

EB: not really.

EB: then again, we don't really hang out that much in real life.

TG: shit youre right

TG: the next time you come around here we have got to hang out and catch up

TG: anyone who sees us will be jealous that they dont have a bro as great as you

EB: no.

EB: anyone who sees us will be jealous that they dont have a bro as great as YOU!

TG: bro

EB: bro.

TG: youre the best bro any bro could ever ask for

EB: come here, bro.

EB: i'm going in for the rare bro hug.

EB: we're doing this man.

EB: we're making this happen.

TG: john while i appreciate the gesture that meme is about seventeen thousand seven hundred seven six years old

EB: it's not that old!

EB: i mean, it is pretty old, but it's not that old.

TG: i made that joke when i was thirteen john

TG: thirteen

TG: its time to retire the meme

TG: how did you even become a world famous comedian if you dont know when to retire a meme

EB: it's because i started the memes, dave

TG: shit youre right

TG: how could i ever forget the impact you have had on the meme industry

TG: and yet here you are

TG: reusing memes that are what

TG: like fifteen years old at least

TG: and its a meme that i started

TG: and is only limited to our friend group that is made up of like four people

EB: we have a larger friend group than just four people!

TG: not when we were thirteen we didnt

TG: we just kind of messaged each other because we were lonely kids who didnt really have any friends

TG: thank god we actually managed to become adults

TG: its a fucking miracle

TG: and now we are just living our lives and talking to new people and having an okay time

TG: so all i can think of now is just

TG: thank god we lived

EB: ...

TG: ...

TG: well this got weirdly personal really quickly

TG: i think its time to terminate this conversation before it gets any more reminiscent of things that may or may not have happened in the past

TG: i might talk to jade about how her plants are doing or something

EB: we should really contact each other more often.

EB: so, don't be a stranger, dave!

TG: of course not

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: yo jade

TG: how are your plants doing

TG: what stuff do you even grow during the fall

TG: like pumpkins and shit

TG: or does it even matter where you live

GG: hey dave!

GG: im pretty sure it does actually matter now, especially since i dont live on a tropical island anymore

TG: oh yeah

TG: i almost forgot about that

TG: how is society treating you

GG: i dont know how you forgot when ive been living in society for around ten years, if not more

GG: <_<

GG: as for how my plants are doing, theyre doing well!

GG: ive been growing some cauliflower and broccoli

GG: im looking forward to being able to eat them!

GG: and possibly sell a few since people seem to love freshly grown vegetables

TG: sounds fantastic

TG: people must be clamoring to get even a single taste of the famous homegrown vegetables made by the one and only jade harley

TG: youve become internet famous what would you like to say to your fans ms harley

GG: as much as i would love to give my vegetables to everyone, i only have so many

GG: and i also want to keep some of them :p

TG: there you have it folks

TG: not all of you will get the freshly grown vegetables youve been waiting for

TG: better luck next year

TG: or next season

TG: or whatever time you decide to grow more vegetables

TG: or they can grow their own or something like that

TG: who really knows tho

TG: maybe they have the worst green thumb known to man

TG: like the last time they tried gardening they ended up burning the house down

TG: nobody is actually sure how that happened

TG: but goddamn if it didnt happen

GG: i think someone burning their garden down would be unlikely :/

TG: and yet it happened

TG: it could totally happen

TG: maybe they were misinformed on how to properly take care of plants

TG: like they were told they had to set fire to the plants to give them nutrients

TG: or they came from an alternate reality where people had to give fire to plants instead of water

TG: so just imagine a person waking up and going up to fire up their plants only to find that destroys them

TG: they would be so confused and probably super terrified

GG: i kind of feel bad for them, since they probably spent so long taking care of their plants, and then their garden goes up in flames because they woke up in an alternate reality

GG: :(

GG: its just so sad!

TG: yeah it is super sad

TG: but afterwards they probably figure out that they woke up in an alternate reality

TG: and then they either try to go back or figure out how to take care of plants in the new universe they woke up in

GG: :)

TG: can you imagine the person in the other world

TG: they get up to water their plants

TG: only to find that kills the plants there

TG: maybe the two of them communicate with each other

TG: it would be super fucking awesome if someone were to build a machine that enables us to talk to people from other dimensions

GG: that would be pretty awesome!

GG: but what if the person from the dimension you were talking to was evil!

GG: do you think they could find a way to our dimensions

TG: they might

TG: that is if one of the other dimensions doesnt do it first

TG: there are probably plenty of other dimensions that would be able to figure out a way to the other dimensions

TG: it could be like a constant throughout dimensions that humans want to figure out as much shit as possible

GG: it would be boring if we suddenly just decided to stop learning things about our world!

TG: it would be

TG: that reminds me

TG: are you doing anything with your sciency job

TG: hows that going

GG: its going really well!

GG: we are currently trying to make an artificial intelligence for cars

GG: weve run into a few bugs but we are working on them

GG: we are also trying to make them environmentally friendly!

TG: thats super cool

TG: youre super cool

GG: thanks!

GG: how have you been doing?

GG: done anything interesting?

GG: met anyone new?

TG: shit did rose tell you

GG: maybe

GG: but she didnt tell me that much

GG: she didnt even tell me the persons name

TG: okay so yeah i did meet someone new

TG: hes small and angry but also really nice

TG: his name is karkat

GG: i know karkat!

TG: shit does everyone know karkat????

GG: i guess :/

TG: jesus christ like rose was the one who introduced him to me

TG: and then john knew him

TG: and you did too

TG: am i really the last person to know of his existence???

TG: i feel cheated honestly

TG: that yall would neglect to tell me about such a fantastic and angry individual

TG: people always say that opposites attract

TG: well im super chill and hes super angry its like we were meant to be

TG: ...

TG: that was not supposed to sound the way it did

TG: i meant like platonically

TG: platonically meant to be

TG: no homo

TG: except maybe a little cause im bi as heck

GG: alright cool kid we get it

GG: youre at least a little bit gay for karkat

TG: well yeah if youre not at least a little bit gay for your friend than what kind of friend are you

GG: im not sure if it works like that

TG: okay so maybe it doesnt but still

TG: gotta put so many layers of irony between me and myself that the moment it all goes down im just a blob of a human being

TG: like if you dont have a skeleton

TG: just laying there in a pile of your own sweat and blood and skin

GG: thats super gross!

TG: thats just the facts jade

TG: you wouldnt be able to have any sort of structure if you didnt have a skeleton

TG: shit be one of the most important parts of the body

TG: wait which body part is the most important

GG: i think the heart or the brain seems the most likely!

TG: youre probably right

TG: but the question here is whether the heart or the brain is more important

GG: im not sure really

GG: contrary to popular belief, i dont actually know that much about the human body!

GG: which is why i work with robots instead

TG: and i only know about random historical dead shit

TG: like archeology shit

TG: which reminds me that i havent talked to ara in probably a few months

GG: who was ara again?

TG: shes was one of my friends in college who actually became an archeologist

TG: although to be fair the only reason i havent talked to her for so long is because she does not have much free time

TG: spends all her time digging shit up and figuring out what it was for

TG: kicking sexist and homophobic assholes to the curb with her superior knowledge that people were still gay and shit thirteen thousand and four years ago

GG: oh yeah!

GG: i think i remember her

GG: we didnt really talk much :(

TG: huh

TG: i thought you two would have hit it off really well

GG: i think it was more due to our respective schedules than any sort of apprehension of talking to each other

TG: oh yeah

TG: you two were both super intense when it came to your major

TG: like more so than most other people

GG: i would say we were passionate :p

TG: well that was definitely clear as a cloudless day

TG: like clear as when you go to a super fucking remote area where there isnt any light for miles and miles and miles

TG: clear as the motherfucking night sky in that particular area

TG: but yall were also a bit obsessive

GG: i wouldnt say that!

TG: you forgot to eat and sleep for an entire day because you were working on a project that you were passionate about

GG: ...

GG: i have finger reminders now!

GG: i havent forgotten to eat in a while now!

TG: it is amazing that you came up with a system to remind yourself of things

TG: and that it actually works

TG: i tried it once and i forgot what the pink ribbon on my right pinkie finger first notch meant

TG: you practically made a language out of bits of colorful string and ribbons on your fingers

TG: though it is kind of odd that you didnt put the reminders to eat and sleep on sooner

GG: i had better things to worry about

TG: jade

GG: dave

TG: jade

GG: cool kid

TG: you had better things to worry about than completing an action that would kill you if you did not do it

GG: having a body is inconvenient most of the time

GG: the only things it is good for is petting dogs and making robots

TG: that is fair

TG: but consider that there is no way out of your flesh prison so you need to take care of it so that you can pet more dogs and make more robots

GG: hmmmm

GG: i think you might be right

TG: you think

GG: yes!

GG: i do, in fact, think, dave

GG: its kind of a thing we humans do

TG: what is this human you speak of

TG: i never heard of such a thing

TG: is it a disease

TG: should i be worried

GG: no, no, silly!

GG: humans are a sentient life form capable of communicating with each other in complex ways

GG: they are typically characterized by their determination to improve themselves and their environment

TG: sounds terrifying

GG: yeah :/

TG: do you have anything on this planet that is not scary

GG: dogs!!!

GG: we have dogs!!

TG: and what are dogs like

GG: they are friendly and good!!!

GG: they are also fluffy and you can pet them!!!

GG: and you can play with them!!

TG: sounds like my kind of thing where do i sign up

GG: you can adopt whatever dog you like at the pet store or an animal shelter

GG: make sure you can take care of them though!!!

GG: if you dont take care of your pet, i will personally come to your house and shoot you with my rifle!!

TG: ill be sure to keep that in mind

TG: anyway do you want aras chumhandle

TG: or troll handle

TG: god all these different compatible platforms are confusing

GG: they are a bit confusing :/

GG: i think jane still uses betty bother!!

TG: what really

TG: that shitty thing

GG: yep

GG: but yes i would like aras troll handle

TG: it is apocalypsearisen

TG: so you can go contact her now if you want

GG: ill be sure to do that!

GG: thank you!!

GG: im going to go do that now

GG: see ya!!

TG: bye

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well shit. If Jade was pestering Aradia now, then that means that you can't contact her right now. Unless Aradia decides to talk to you at the same time as Jade, but that's just annoying for everyone involved. Besides, someone else was pestering you right now. Er, trolling.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GC: WH4T'S UP COOL K1D

GC: 1 H34RD YOU HUNG OUT W1TH K4RKL3S TH3 OTH3R D4Y

GC: HOW W4S MY GRUMPY FR13ND??

TG: how did you find out about me hanging out with karkat

GC: D4V3

GC: YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW TH4T 1 H4V3 4 V4ST N3TWORK OF P3OPL3 TO G4TH3R 1NFORM4T1ON FROM

GC: 1 KNOW 3V3RYON3 4S W3LL 4S HOW L1K3LY TH3Y 4R3 TO B3 GU1LTY FOR 4 CR1M3

TG: oh yeah

TG: right

TG: thats not creepy at all

GC: 1'M 4 L4WY3R D4V3

GC: 1T 1S MY JOB TO F1ND OUT 1F MY CL13NT 1S GU1LTY OR NOT

GC: 4ND 1F TH3Y 4R3NT 1 M4K3 SUR3 TH3Y DONT G3T PUN1SH3D FOR SOM3TH1NG TH3Y D1D NOT DO

TG: good business practice

TG: wait question

TG: i feel like i might have asked you this before but here it goes anyway

TG: how do you know karkat

GC: K4RK4T 4ND 1 4R3 CH1LDHOOD FR13NDS

TG: oh shit

TG: never would have guessed that

TG: you two just seem so different that it never even occurred to me that you would hang out with each other

GC: H3 3V3N H4D 4 CRUSH ON M3 1N M1DDL3 SCHOOL

GC: 1T W4S JUST 4S 4WKW4RD 4S 1T SOUNDS

GC: MOSTLY B3C4US3 1 D1DNT F33L TH3 S4M3 W4Y

GC: 4LSO B3C4US3

TG: because what

GC: C4N YOU K33P 4 S3CR3T??

TG: of course i can keep a goddamned secret who the fuck do you think i am

TG: someone who says every single thought that comes to their head regardless of how private that thought is

TG: dont answer that

TG: but yeah i can probably keep any secret you tell me

TG: lay it on me

GC: 4LR1GHT SO YOU KNOW HOW TROLLS H4V3 4 D1FF3R3NT ROM4NC3 SYST3M TH4N HUM4NS

TG: yeah

TG: yall got like quadrants and shit

TG: entirely too complicated if you ask me but whatever

TG: continue

GC: W3LL K4RK4T N3V3R F3LT TH3 NORM4L 3MOT1ONS 4SSOC14T3D W1TH TROLL ROM4NC3

GC: H3 V4C1LL4T3D L1K3 CR4ZY

GC: WH1CH M4D3 1T V3RY D1FF1CULT FOR H1M TO HOLD DOWN 4NY CONCUP1SC3NT QU4DR4NT

GC: DON’T T3LL H1M 1 TOLD YOU TH1S

GC: H3’S V3RY S3NS1T1V3 4BOUT 1T

TG: i can see why

TG: he really fucking loves those romance novels doesnt he

GC: Y34H

TG: …

GC: …

TG: …

GC: …

GC: W3LL 4NYW4Y TH4T W4S 4 FUN CONV3RS4T1ON BUT 1 N33D TO GO NOW

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, that conversation got really serious really quickly. You can’t remember the last time you had a even the slightest it serious talk with Terezi. Maybe this was the first. Does that mean that you two aren’t as close friends as you thought you were, or are you two simply content with sending each other shitty memes and joking around?

Reasonably thinking, it was the latter, and you are just overthinking this entire thing, but neither of you really knew how to react when you two reached a topic that you couldn’t really brush off or joke about.

Should you talk to her about it? Would she be comfortable with that? Would she rather you just be that friend that she can be silly with? Would it be awkward to bring it up?

And what about you? How do you even feel about this? You’re kind of torn between wanting to be silly friends with Terezi and wanting to know how she is in actuality. Which, you guess, is basically the definition of being close friends with somebody, but you don’t know if it breaks any troll bro codes.

You were interrupted from your thoughts when your computer dinged, signaling that someone was contacting you.

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

AA: hello dave!

AA: its been a while

AA: jade told me that you wanted to contact me so here i am!

TG: that was nice of her

TG: how did your conversation with her go

AA: it was nice

AA: i look forward to speaking with her in the future

TG: thats cool

TG: how have you been doing

TG: with your job and all

TG: are you still up to your tits in shit to do

AA: of course

AA: thats kind of what i signed up for when i got the job

AA: i even direct expeditions occasionally!!!

AA: its really hard work but it is very rewarding

TG: well im glad youre wherever doing and enjoying your job

AA: what about you

AA: surely you got some sort of job

AA: even if it isnt the job you had in mind when you got your degree

TG: yeah i do have some sort of job

TG: i make grubtube videos

TG: and do commission work on the side

TG: some of it is actually good while others ask for ironically shitty things

TG: being able to draw both good and shitty things is a skill not many can appreciate

AA: thats simultaneously something i would not have expected and something that was bound to happen

AA: i hope that you get enough money to live off of from doing that

TG: oh yeah i make plenty of money

TG: especially since my channel got really popular because one of my videos became a meme

AA: oh!

AA: well thats good

AA: which video was it if you dont mind me asking

AA: not that i know what your channel is

TG: my channels name is cogsinthegodshead

TG: and the video that became popular was one where i review a large rant that someone sent me

TG: ...

TG: ara??

TG: you still there???

AA: oh yes

AA: i just took a minute to look up your video

AA: it is amusing and reminds me of a certain friend i used to have

AA: but i havent actually talked to him in years

AA: i wonder if he still thinks im dead

TG: what

TG: what do you mean if he still thinks youre dead

TG: did you like fake your death or something???

AA: its an inside joke we used to have

AA: about me doing things that would have more likely than not ended with my death

AA: i used to be very reckless you know!

AA: :D

TG: how could you have been so reckless that you had an inside joke about you dying

AA: i was very reckless

TG: i got that

TG: jesus

TG: what was your friend even like

AA: he was a very angry person!

AA: he was always shouting

AA: but it was more shouting at us to take care of ourselves rather than anything with malice

AA: like he would yell at us to get more sleep and to eat something

AA: he was probably one of the more well adjusted people in our friend group

TG: okay one more question

AA: shoot

TG: what was his name

AA: his name was karkat

TG: goddamn it

TG: i knew it

TG: how come everyone i know knew karkat before i ever did

TG: like im just today finding out that a bunch of my friends are friends with karkat

TG: and now you

TG: i havent even talked to you in a few months and yet

TG: here we are

TG: apparently you were also friends with karkat

TG: were you childhood friends with him like terezi was????

AA: yes but terezi knew him since kindergarten

AA: i didnt meet him until middle school

TG: shit they knew each other since kindergarden????

AA: they did

TG: holy shit

TG: thats a long ass time

TG: you know theyre still friends right

TG: like they still talk to each other and all that jazz

AA: thats certainly surprising!

AA: i havent talked to either of them in years

AA: in fact i never kept contact with any of our old friend group except for sollux

TG: whos sollux

AA: hes my matesprit!

AA: he also is one of karkats current friends

AA: at least from what i hear

AA: apparently they still talk occasionally

TG: huh

TG: i guess it would make sense that i havent heard of him if they dont talk that much

AA: they dont talk that much now but they used to be best friends

AA: i assumed they grew apart slowly so now they dont talk that often

AA: maybe i should encourage them to spend more time with each other

TG: wait

TG: are you and sollux in a long distance relationship

AA: i guess you could say that

AA: my job requires me to travel quite a bit so i dont often stay in one place

AA: sollux on the other hand prefers to stay in one place even if he could do his job while traveling

AA: he works from home

AA: kind of like you do!

TG: what kind of work does he do

AA: he does programming and i believe he is currently working on a game

AA: he doesnt want to share the details of it with me

TG: well why not

AA: he told me it was a surprise

TG: that seems suspicious

AA: it certainly does

TG: what are you going to do about

AA: i could wait but

TG: but what

AA: nevermind

AA: it wasnt really a very good idea

AA: especially since he has explained to me why hes keeping the details a secret

TG: shit why

AA: (its supposed to be a surprise for me)

AA: (i think he knows that i would try to find out what it was if he didnt tell me at least that)

TG: (oh shit)

TG: (what do you think it is)

AA: (i dont know)

AA: (i just know that it is for me)

TG: (aside from that)

TG: (why are we putting our text into parenthesis)

AA: it was supposed to be a visual way to show whispering

TG: thats a pretty good way to whisper

TG: ive got to use that in future conversations with people

TG: make sure that any secret is kept safe inside the parenthesis of void

TG: that way nobody can figure out what information is being kept inside them

AA: why void

TG: because void is like emptiness or some shit

TG: and it can hide information apparently???

TG: i honestly dont really know i just remember my older sister talking about it

TG: she was kind of rambling on about void or whatever

TG: rambling seems to run in the family who would have guessed

TG: surely not every goddamned person to ever speak to a strider or a lalonde

TG: rose wont admit it but she rambles on pretty often

TG: its just more intelligent sounding than everyone elses rambles

TG: except for dirk

TG: dirks rambling sounds pretty sciency and shit

TG: apparently he works with robots like jade does

TG: but instead of working on the ai and actual programming of the robots

TG: he does the actual building of the robots

TG: he might do some programming tho

TG: like occasionally

AA: thats pretty interesting!

AA: i dont know the people you mentioned though

TG: ok so quick rundown

TG: rose is my twin

TG: dirk is my older brother

TG: jade is a good friend of mine

TG: they are all super smart and do a bunch of smarty pants things

AA: it sounds like you are proud of them!

TG: hella

TG: i mean sometimes i think about how i could have probably done something like that

TG: but its just not something i wanted to do

TG: you feel??

TG: like its just not something i could see myself spending my entire life on

AA: you dont have to you know

TG: what

AA: you dont have to do one thing for your entire life

AA: you can do a bunch of different things

AA: you have so much of your lifespan left and not everyone wants to do the same thing over and over again for years at a time

AA: you can shake it up

AA: so maybe one day you could decide to dabble in some programming or writing

AA: if you decide you dont like it you dont have to keep doing it

AA: i probably sound a bit hypocritical since i have dedicated so much to my passion which im sure i will want to keep doing for my life

AA: but i recognize that its not the same with everyone

TG: ...

TG: huh

TG: i guess i never really thought of it like that

TG: we get told so much that we need to do one thing with our life

TG: and we are expected to be satisfied with that

TG: i just never really thought about it

TG: being middle aged seems like a muddle of a lack of planning

TG: its difficult to imagine myself at that age

TG: maybe

TG: ill be a museum curator

TG: and ill look at artifacts and write little blurbs of information on each one that no one is going to read

TG: and ill lead tours around the museum

TG: and ill answer little kids questions no matter how ridiculous they are

TG: like asking if dinosaurs were made of stardust

TG: and id be like fuck yes little jimmy

TG: dinosaurs were made of stardust

TG: and so are you

TG: ...

TG: or maybe ill continue doing my youtube channel

AA: it sounds like you put a lot of thought into being a museum curator

TG: i guess i did

TG: maybe its not too late to do something like that

AA: of course not!

AA: but you have to make sure to go after the things you want

AA: if you dont you mind find yourself at your deathbed regretting not doing something

TG: i guess youre right

TG: ...

TG: thank you i guess

TG: for the advice and the conversation

AA: its really no problem

AA: we should talk more

TG: we definitely should

TG: just like contact me if you are ever free and feel like talking to somebody

AA: ill be sure to do that!

AA: it was nice talking to you too

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Whew. That conversation was exhausting, but also kind of nice? You just feel worn out now, and you also realize that it's getting pretty late, so you decide to go to sleep. It was probably one of the best sleeps you've ever had.