#yo can i just say that i started writing this and i was like 'logistically it makes no sense how they would get up onto the roof of the bus'

[firjii]

I feel like fanworks of any medium in any fandom can be an inherently double-edged sword and the reason why, in a way, I'm glad I haven't tried to religiously pursue it.

On the one hand, it's a beautiful example of dedication, creativity, and often otherwise undiscovered/overlooked talent. It can also be a legitimate stepping stone to bigger things or, in a few lucky cases, the start of a career that utilizes those same interests or talents.

On the other hand, much of the audience has extremely specific desires and is commonly in flux in ways that some other areas of life and society don't have an exact equivalent for. To be blunt, they're really damn fickle sometimes.

You can be dazzlingly, brilliantly skilled at your craft and have good relations with your admirers/followers/clients, but if something else captures their attention for a sustained amount of time, you either have to adapt to what they want or accept that you might've lost that connection with that particular person or persons.

Some people adapt to other fandoms just fine and continue to enjoy that dynamic. Some even ride a "wave" effect (i.e. their own personal interests coincide with fans') as a new fandom crops up or an old one surges in popularity again. I wish those people all the best because that, too, is beautiful to see.

But for lack of a better word, it's problematic for some creatives. Y'all like to say "death to capitalism," but artists (*general term meaning any people who make stuff in any medium) doing things for money are, in fact, technically participating in capitalism in some shape or form. That's just how it is.

And that's OK. It's OK to try to make a living from things you like for the simple purpose of paying bills and eating 3 times a day and not needing to sleep in an alley. That's not a vice and it sure as hell isn't grounds for canceling.

I've seen so many shitty takes on this about how fans are entitled to fully rendered OC portraits or an entire 50k novel or a whole-ass crocheted blanket or an album-length music project for free because "*nonchalant shrug* I simply don't believe in The System(TM)," with no regard for the logistics involved and no understanding that the time it takes to make stuff is time that can't be used on other things (whether that means employment, sleep, eating, or basic mental health self-care).

There are people online - and especially here - who scrape by at a subsistence level by making art/crafts or writing fics or coding IFs or writing music. Some artists (*general term meaning any people who make stuff in any medium) do it specifically because they have a disability or health problem that precludes them from other options. Some are autistic or are dealing with other things that fundamentally impact how they function as a human in the world.

Translation: some people literally can't just yo-yo into a new subject at the whim of fandom trends. It literally doesn't compute for everyone. They're faced with the choice to force themselves into other subjects just to maintain connections/a little money or to become legitimately interested in said thing "too late" when the height of fandom enthusiasm has long since peaked.

I used to think that people just meant politics or cancel culture when they said "fandom is kind of like high school," but now I get it: there's a distinct popularity contest element to it - or there easily can be one - not necessarily about the quality of the creatives' finished expressions or even fans' personal tastes of those expressions, but the level of fandom involvement and population size itself.

It's no one's fault that it happens and it's usually totally innocent and incidental. It's also not necessarily a bad thing - far be it for me to discourage people from moving on to things that are better for their mental health or move away from things that were bad for it. But it's inevitable that some are left behind in the dust from time to time, even if the other/new fandoms make every effort to be welcoming.

The basest advice you often get is "go with the flow," but some people simply can't do that. They pour their hearts into a particular medium or niche topic or inspiration source because that particular Thing(TM) clicks for them in ways that other stuff doesn't. It's not as simple as "yeah sure w/e I'll draw the little space man today instead of a salmon."

So idk I would just suggest that, as one example, when y'all want to get an OC portrait and the artist you want to make it explicitly states which fandoms they can do and yours isn't on their list, at least ask NICELY if they'd be comfortable trying something new. Don't barge in and pressure them, because we tend to already pressure ourselves more than our due.

You'd be amazed how many people don't grasp this.

[jacquelinemerritt]

Dragon Ball Z: Abridged Episode 50 Review

Originally posted June 22nd, 2016

Team Four Star continues a streak of fun, entertaining episodes.

If there is one thing that is genuinely impressive about Dragonball Z: Abridged, it’s how Team Four Star has been working with the same premise for eight years while continually mining fresh comedic content out of the source material. This is most helped by the incredible restraint Team Four Star has shown in making direct fun of the source material.

Excluding the two episodes of Dragonball Z Kai: Abridged,1 they have waited until eight years and fifty episodes have passed before cracking a joke about clip shows, and as a result, what is arguably the lowest joke fodder in your standard anime abridged series is turned into an earned and well timed joke (especially since it’s at the expense of Goku’s shoddy memory).

Of course, mining fresh comedy is also helped by their characters’ personalities being very well established, so as to create easy comedy by bouncing them off of each other. Most of this episode does that with Cell and Vegeta, and it is damn good at showcasing the arrogance of these two, as Vegeta makes his triumphant return and Cell has his dreams of perfection crushed before, in a moment of true dramatic irony, Cell uses the pride Vegeta has gained with his victory to plant the very seeds of his defeat, leaving Trunks to look on as his father plays himself.

Rating: 4/5

If you enjoyed this review, consider supporting me on Patreon.

Stray Observations

1I would also argue that Kai Abridged isn’t actually making fun of clip shows, but rather is simply an outlet for Team Four Star to tell as many jokes in quick succession as humanly possible (while also serving as an easy recap for the seasons).

Cell: “Stop fisting me!” Vegeta: “Okay.” *pulls out* Cell: “Not all at once!”

Cell: “Can I have a minute?” Vegeta: “Shoryuken (Sure you can).” *uppercuts Cell* I have been in awe of how freaking clever this little pun is since this episode came out. It’s goddamn brilliant I tell you. Goddamn brilliant.

Vegeta: “I’m about to pound you so hard the boy’s mother is going to be jealous.”

Vegeta: “Bitch, I’m adorable.”

Okay, question about Dragonball Z: If the Room of Spirit and Time makes a year go by in just a day, why don’t they just grow a bunch of Senzu beans every six hours or something by planting them inside? Sure there might be some logistical hurdles to overcome, but that’s why irrigation systems exist yo.

To all of my loyal readers, thank you so much for your patience. As you might have guessed, in the aftermath of the Orlando shooting I fell into a pretty significant depressive state, and was unable to write any criticism during that time. Things are looking up now though, and now that I’ve settled into my new job, you can expect the weekly reviews of DBZA to start up again, and once they’re finished I’ll make sure I find something else to write about.

Also, I do apologize for this review being as short as it is, but in my defense, the episode is one of their shorter ones, and while I usually try to say things about the series as a whole in these circumstances, I kind of feel like I’ve covered as much as I can in that regard, which I suppose is appropriate, given that after almost a year of writing these reviews, I’m nearly caught up with the show itself.

[tirednotflirting]

i want your midnights

i listened to new year’s day 26 times very early yesterday morning and then had an idea and then my 2021 started w some jalex. a strong start i would say.

this one is for miss bella (aka @clumsyclifford​). she was one of the brightest parts of a somewhat dark year and i’m so crazy wild thankful to have her sweet soul in my world. she shares so much love and warmth in this space and she inspires me endlessly. she also made me a four hour long atl playlist in sept for my quarter life crisis drive back to my hometown and here we are now. 

she also reminded me that i needed to post this here and not just on ao3 lol. bella, my love, sending you so so so much love and peace x

here this is btw on ao3 if that’s more your jam

“Any idea how we’re supposed to get down from here though?”

“Look, even if someone moved the stool below the door, we can just get Zack to catch us. Trust me, Alex. I thought this all through.”

Alex laughs gently while rolling his eyes at Jack’s confidence in his plan. Though he can’t say that the effort Jack has put into this little adventure doesn’t warm his cheeks despite how cold the Chicago night time breeze is. Especially from where they sit on top of the bus.

It had been about ten minutes until midnight when Jack pulled Alex away from the party happening on one of the other buses. 

“Surprise adventure time.” Jack had whispered against his ear before tilting his head to press a kiss against Alex’s tattoo. Alex quickly excused himself from the conversation he had been somewhere in the middle of before allowing himself to get dragged toward the front steps.

“Jack, neither of us are in a state to be going anywhere right now.” Alex had said while half jogging to keep up with him. Jack only laughed and tightened the grip he had on Alex’s hand as he led them to the door of their bus.

“Good thing we’re only headed to the bus then, huh?”

Once he had seen Jack grab for a bottle of champagne and a blanket before using a step stool to reach up for the door that opened up onto the roof of the bus, Alex only laughed. “Aren’t we getting a little bit too old for this?”

Jack pulled himself up before sticking his head back inside to throw a look at Alex’s questioning gaze. “Alex, we took shots of Fireball tonight. We legally cannot be too old for anything if we can still stomach that.”

“Fine, fine. I’m coming.”

It’s just after midnight now. Their foreheads are still pressed together after parting from a very wind-chilled midnight kiss. Alex is almost worried the smile spread across his chapped lips might get frozen in place, he’s so damn happy right now. He can just barely make out Jack’s features as he opens his eyes. The glitter someone had painted across Jack’s eyelids sparkles under the parking lot lights and it’s cold enough that he can see the breath puffing from Jack’s parted lips.

Alex shifts some in Jack’s hold so he can more comfortably press his palms against his cheeks, a soft laugh leaving his mouth when Jack hums at the feeling before moving to hold his hands over Alex’s. “Thank you for being so warm. Very helpful.”

“Gotta keep you around for something, right?” Alex jokes as he sits up. He presses another quick kiss against Jack’s forehead before moving his hands to lift the hood of Jack’s hoodie up to cover his head. 

“Oh yeah that’s definitely it.” Jack scoffs as he turns to throw his legs over Alex’s lap and adjust the blanket pulled over their laps. He drops his head to rest against Alex’s shoulder and reaches for his hand to tangle their fingers together. “God, we used to come up here all the time. Why did we stop doing this?”

“Pretty sure it had something to do with the several times one of us nearly fell off and then we got that talk about proper bus safety.” Alex says.

“Proper bus safety sounds like it eliminates a great deal of proper bus fun, honestly.” Jack replies.

“Agreed, we should be doing this more often. It’s a good view.”

Alex’s mind is in a battle between what’s in front of his eyes right now and the memories flashing through his head as he lifts his free hand to tap out a pattern against Jack’s knee. Right now, as he looks out over the city, he can see fireworks shooting up into the sky in all directions. He’s always loved fireworks. Alex has spent so many years on the road in big cities for New Year’s Eve and watching fireworks burst over his head almost makes him forget that he can’t see the stars not visible in the light polluted skies. The explosion of colors and lights and the joy in Jack’s eyes has always been a special kind of beautiful. It’s a view he’s getting a new edition of right now and one he knows he’ll never grow tired of seeing.

But in the back of his mind he sees two boys in all seasons of the year, their lanky legs dangling from the edge of the roof of the bus, their hands still clasped together, their laughter loud and bright. He remembers everything feeling so big then, how they used to climb up here just to see what it felt like to see the world they were creating with these lyrics and music from up above. He thinks back fondly on the nights they would park somewhere in the middle of nowhere so the driver could rest and how Alex would poke at Jack’s cheek until he woke up to drag him up to the roof. They would cuddle up under blankets like they have now so he could tell Jack all about whatever was going on up in the night sky over New Mexico or wherever it was they were that night. 

Jack squeezes his hand and then he’s back to the present, to a brand new year and the cold Chicago wind and the boy he’s loved for so so many years still pressed up against him after all this time. Alex sighs and lifts their intertwined hands to press his lips against Jack’s knuckles.

“Happy New Year, my love,” he says while letting his lips brush against Jack’s skin as he speaks. “Glad I get to start another year with you. Looking forward to all the rest of them too.”

“Love you too, Al,” Jack says back, knowing that Alex is always mixing the sentiment into every word that leaves his mouth. “I think this is gonna be a good one for us.”

And regardless of how the predictability in their lives seems to always be dwindling, Alex can’t help but agree. Like fireworks on New Year’s and stars somewhere beyond the light from the skyline, Jack is a forever constant in Alex’s world.

He’s not sure how long they stay up there, watching the fireworks light up the sky and holding each other. All Alex remembers is getting lost in the lights and the love clouding up his mind and eventually being helped down onto the tour bus floor (by Zack he’s sure given that neither of them fell) and shuffling his way into his bunk with a gentle hand against his back guiding the way.

(Alex is seconds away from sleep when he feels his phone buzz inside the pocket of his sweats. He pulls it out and squints at the light from the screen, angling it some so as to not wake Jack who managed to pass out the second his head hit the pillow and his arm wrapped around Alex’s waist. It’s a text from Rian. It’s a picture of them he must have snapped from the ground right as midnight struck. Alex smiles as he saves the image, glad it was captured physically in case his memory starts failing him one day. The accompanying message only reads you crazy kids, don’t ever change. 

And as Alex smiles at the feeling of Jack wrapping his arm more securely around his waist, he can’t help but hope that they never do.)

*

[pinkhairedlily]

Chapter 6 - Student Council President Sakura

SCPS AO3 | PREVIOUS CHAPTER

“When’s your birthday, Sasuke?” Naruto asked unprompted. He was eating an onigiri in one hand and writing in a notebook with another. “Captain Haru gave me a journal and told me to fill in the dates.”

“Why are you treating it like a slam book?”

“What’s a slam book? Why are you even changing the topic?”

“July 23.”

Naruto went silent for a moment as he jotted down Sasuke’s name. “Oh, last week? During our sleepover?”

“You mean, hostage sleepover.”

“Ah shit. We didn’t get you a present. Sorry, grumpy.” Naruto’s face was sincerely apologetic and Sasuke was on the verge of nonchalantly assuring him that it was all right when he heard his following reply. “But make sure you get me one okay. It will be on October 10.”

“I wish I was allowed to physically harm you right now but your training next week will suffice,” Sasuke jested right back. “I’ll put in a word with Haru to make you suffer.” He would have said more clapbacks if they didn’t hear loud footsteps running their way.

Their two heads popped just a few inches above the bushes that lined behind the fence and saw a disheveled Sakura catching her breath with bent knees and her arms full of folders. Sasuke surmised she might have come from a council meeting.

“It’s Sakura – “ Sasuke covered Naruto’s loud mouth with his palm.

Her phone rang inside her skirt’s pockets, and her expression panicked when she saw the caller id. The folders fumbled out of her grasp when she answered it. “Oh hello, Kakashi-sensei.”

Both the boys’ brows raised in curiosity when her voice went a pitch higher.

“Ah, I’m actually out of the campus right now, Sensei. Got an errand to run. I’ll see you for consultations��..soon?” Then she ended the call. They all heard another set of footsteps nearing their location, and Sakura repeatedly said I’m screwed to herself.

Naruto wrestled out of Sasuke’s headlock and pulled a surprised Sakura inside their hiding place. The latter grumbled but quickly gathered the folders from the ground and followed suit. Three heads now looked over the bushes, and true enough, Kakashi appeared in the clearing with his phone in his hand. “That’s funny. I thought I heard her voice here.”

When they were sure he was out of their sight and earshot, Sasuke signaled a thumbs up, and Naruto, not missing a beat, started with the obvious question. “Why are you hiding from our mathematics teacher?”

Sakura blushed with intensity, her cheeks the color of cherry tomatoes with a ripeness Sasuke liked the most. She flushed so intensely she couldn’t hide it for her sake. The thought of wanting to have that kind of privilege crossed his mind. “Uh, he wanted a report from me, but I wasn’t able to finish it.” Like the self-aware person that she was, she immediately got her bearings and recognized the place. “This is behind the library.”

“It’s Sasuke’s favorite hiding place until I barged in. And now, it’s yours too.” Naruto grinned at her even when he just revealed this place’s existence to their student council president.

“Shouldn’t you be asking me permission first?” Sasuke arranged the folders first before returning them to Sakura who seemed to calm down a bit.

She laughed dryly. “Technically, it’s public property so we don’t need your permission…grumpy.”

Naruto erupted in laughter while Sasuke closed his eyes in annoyance. Two loud-mouths in what was supposed to be in his safe space and yet all he felt was just mild annoyance. Stopping his thoughts before they ran him aground, he rummaged through their storage bin and found an extra sandwich he bought this morning and the last pack of his cherry tomato juice.

He passed the food to her and gave her a little bit of scolding. “At least have your lunch first before making fun of me.”

“You’re really giving her a tomato juice?” Naruto never could hide his disgust for certain food. “Don’t tell me this is your rite of passage.”

Sasuke glared at the blonde, forcing him to shut up. “Bring any more people here, and I’ll tell your captain to drag you to hell.” That wasn’t so difficult, given that Haru has taken a liking to him, for what he didn’t know. He just treated him like a big brother would, like Itachi would.

Sakura took a sip in the middle of their banter, and she emitted a surprised sound. “So this is what it tasted like? It’s actually good.”

That was the first time someone liked what he liked, and he vaguely realized he was waiting for her opinion. With that, he had trouble suppressing the smile that started to form on his face, so he looked away and mustered his focus on the nearby yells of a practicing dragonboat team.

“Oh, I forgot, belated happy birthday Sasuke.”

He strengthened his resolve not to turn his head just as quickly because he was sure the shock was visible in his face. He was so taken aback he didn’t hear Naruto ask Sakura where she learned of it.

“I came across our class records during the meeting and saw the date. Sucks we weren’t able to get you a present. Anyway, I gotta run. I have another presentation to the principal for a personal project.” Sakura finished off her sandwich in one bite and ran out of the secluded space.

Naruto stared after her disappearing figure, the bunched-up juice carton and sandwich wrapper in his hands. “I should make her a decent lunch sometime. I don’t think she’s eating well.”

But Sasuke had another observation in mind. “Why didn’t you ask for her birthday?”

“I know already. I asked Hinata about it.”

--------------------------------

Sakura tried to catch up with the baseball captain in the seniors’ hallways before she would lose him to his after classes dates with Hinata. “Haru, wait up please.”

His brown hair has grown longer to hide his undercut which Naruto wanted to replicate as he often mentioned in between their conversations in classes. It was actually a wonder how the usually demure Hinata gravitated towards Haru who had a strong personality. His annoyed gaze softened when he realized it was her calling him, his smile turning into a wide grin as she raced through the halls.

“No running, Ms. President,” he chided.

Sakura playfully punched his shoulder, her fist’s impact light as she struggled to catch her breath. “Can I at least have some of your time? I promise I won’t take long.”

The captain’s face took on an incredulous look. “How the tables have turned.”

They found themselves on a rooftop, away from the incidental eavesdroppers (if there were any), and moreover they needed some quiet space to talk about important matters. The first of which was the baseball team’s finances.

“I gotta hand this to you rather straightforwardly. The board didn’t foresee your qualification in the preliminaries hence they didn’t allot a big budget for your team – not for training, not for travel expenses, not for uniforms, and miscellaneous expenses.” He towered over her, her height a third short from his shoulders, but when he hunched them forward and leaned against the railings, he was almost shoulder to shoulder with her. “So what are your plans?”

Back in junior high, he would often ruffle her hair out of her immaculate ponytail, and this closeness wasn’t really odd because they were from the same town and grew on the same block. Distance just crept in as they made more friends and entered different circles.

“My personal savings,” Haru simply replied. “Our coach will chip in half of our projected expenses so we’re good to go.”

Sakura sighed. “As always, you don’t like to rely on anyone.”

“We’re not really too far from each other, Sakura. So what’s your plan anyway?” Haru turned with his back this time against the railing.

“Pass-the-Hat.”

Haru nodded. “And your savings.”

Sakura shook her head vehemently. “Hell no.”

“Gears are turning in your head, and I can see you’ll fill in a part with your savings. Stop it, Haruno.”

“I’m telling you, I won’t give you a part of my savings. Anyway – “

“Anyway? There’s more?” Haru hastily looked at his watch to check the time, almost formed a reply, and thought better of it, hiding his wrist from his view.

“I saw your career sheet form. You know you could always try to apply for an athletic scholarship, right?” If she can hazard a guess, Haru may not be planning at all to proceed to college. He always has his father’s fishing business to take over back in their town.

“No association would vet for a player who only qualified for prelims on his senior year.” Haru playfully ruffled her hair, the gesture she thought was once forgotten between them. “So don’t feel sorry for me. I already have Hinata to deal with.”

“You sound so pessimistic when you’re just going away for a year until she decides to follow you. Your story’s almost like a fairytale,” Sakura scoffed.

“First of all, long distance relationships don’t work and second and last of all, there’s her father to think about.” Haru let out a long sigh. “Believe me, Sakura, I want to make it work, but I feel like the distance between us had already set in even before I go.”

--------------------------------

Haru was right. While Pass-the-Hat garnered lots of amounts enough to shoulder the logistics of the training of the baseball team before the semis, there wasn’t enough to pay for their new equipment. She could ask the teachers, but she knew Haru and the coach have already asked for prior favors. At the last minute before the trip got cancelled, Sakura anonymously put in two-thirds of her savings into the donations pool which the captain got wind of and somehow reached Kakashi.

While she was successful in avoiding him for the first few days of the school trip while Naruto and his team was in Fukuoka, he caught her alone as she was reading the markers outside the walls of a castle.

“Haruno Sakura.” His voice startled her. She turned around, like a good student that she was, and waved a bit too enthusiastically. “Mind telling me why you won’t talk to me outside of our council meetings? Did I say any directive that offended you or overworked you? I need to have an open communication with you kids.”

Kids. “Ah, I was just a little busy these past weeks,” Sakura assured him. She nervously fidgeted with his rubber band that was still on her wrist. His eyes followed her movements, and she hid them quickly behind her back, afraid of what he would say if he realized.

“I heard from the principal that he greenlighted your personal project, and that you will be presenting this to the board next week for a possible funding. You accomplished that on top of the feats you pulled to bring the baseball team to the semis.” As Kakashi recounted her accomplishments, she couldn’t help the blush that rose to her cheeks. She was finding it difficult to say an excuse right now. “So I’m returning your personal donation.”

Sakura stared at him directly, never mind the raven irises that drowned her in undivided attention. “What?” He smiled, highlighting even more his mole, and she gasped, breathless at the sight.

“Don’t worry your pretty head over these things. You’re too young for this. I’ll have the funds downloaded to your bank, all right.” Kakashi patted her head softly and disappeared in the meandering crowds.

She slapped the rubber band against the thin skin of her wrist repeatedly. She didn’t know whether she should feel grateful that her savings were back or feel angry that she was patronized because of her age. Didn’t Kakashi know that teenagers grow up faster than their actual age and that she had every right to worry her pretty head? When will he start seeing her as she was?

Her self-deprecating thoughts ran awry when someone took hold of her wrist that has gone red from the slap of the rubber band.

For someone who alternated between being grim-faced or stoic, Sasuke’s hand was gentle and kind. She knew that ever since she saw him in the café, all the good things in him seeping out through cracks in his wall. Right now, she knew he was worried about the supportless baseball team.

“They’re losing, aren’t they?” Sakura suppressed the overwhelming emotions from her earlier interaction with Kakashi and concocted a plan in her head.

She coordinated with the guides and had them add a stop at the baseball field at Fukuoka for one last hurrah for the team.

--------------------------------

Thirty minutes later, their school witnessed how the top teams decimated Naruto’s team. No innings won, batters relentless, and Haru got injured. Sakura, sensing the dampened atmosphere among the student body, rallied yells, earning surprised looks from the team members.

Through the crowds, Sasuke saw Hinata, her fingers twirling the ends of her long braid, and her eyes scanning the place for her boyfriend…until her gaze shifted to Naruto. He traversed the space to stand beside her, breaking his own rule to remain uninvolved in other people’s affairs.

But he owed this to Naruto and Haru who never failed to include him in after practice dinners and effectively kept the gaping depression in his apartment away.

“Your boyfriend has a broken arm, but you’re looking at Naruto.” He said, even before he could announce his presence to her.

Hinata turned her face to him and repeated his words. “My boyfriend has a broken arm but I cannot look at broken limbs for too long. Thanks for pointing that out.”

“There’s a second statement after my but.”

“Hmm, my eyes just probably gravitated to him unknowingly. But it couldn’t be helped, right? He just has this bright, sunshine energy.” Hinata shrugged, seemingly confused by her words as well.

Sasuke wanted to prod more but her eyes narrowed at something behind him. When he glanced back, he saw Sakura stood in tiptoes as she hugged a downtrodden Naruto. If he wasn’t so sad, he would have blushed and awkwardly pushed his crush away, but for this instance, he choked back his sobs and eventually cried on her shoulder.

“Maybe the student council can also support other teams which are gearing up for nationals. You may suffer backlash if favoritism becomes obvious.”

He scoffed at Hinata’s advice. “I’ll tell our student council president that.”

Sasuke made his way to the blonde and pinkette, his arms engulfing both of their heads in a very rare hug. He felt Sakura stiffen beneath him while Naruto changed shoulders and cried openly against Sasuke’s shirt.

This he didn’t mind, as long as both of their faces were hidden from her view.

AO3 LINK | NEXT CHAPTER | CHAPTER 7

[arknights-imagines]

The Christmas letter and gift prompt with Texas and a Male Operator S/O who was a part of the Texas family alongside her but ended up leaving and joining Penguin Logistics together with Texas would be nice. Thank you very much.

From, Texas

Christmas Letter and Gift event

Letting a sigh leave you, you - along with Exusiai and Croissant - step out of the van with cargo in your arms and a relieved expression on your face. A successful Operation, and even more fortunately, your last Operation until your Holiday break started.

“Yo, [Name]!” Exusiai’s energetic voice fills you with some vigor, and you nod as you turn to face her, “This is for you! Happy Holidays~!” Your eyes fill with confusion as she hands to you a grey envelope that's slightly crumpled around the corners. Shifting the boxes retrieved from the mission to one arm, you sent Exusiai a small thanks, “But you didn't have to get me anything-” “Eh? Me?” She blinks animatedly, before shaking her head, “This is from the Lupo ice princess! She had to stay back with Sora for a bit, so she told me to give this to you ASAP.”

Sure enough, when you flip the letter over, your name is written on the back of the envelope in Texas’ round, bold penmanship; there was no mistake, the envelope was definitely from her.

Unbeknownst to you, your eyes sparkle a little and your lips pull into a small grin at the mention of Texas alone, “I see, that makes more sense. Thanks Exusiai.” You nod to the curb just outside the entrance to the Penguin Logistics base, “You can head back inside, I’m going to stay out here for some air.”

Grinning, Exusiai sends you a playful salute before taking her leave - Croissant not too far behind. Now alone, you set the cargo crates down as you take a seat on the edge of the curb, opening the envelope and letting your eyes fall to the words printed on the lined sheet of paper inside.

--------------------

Hey [name].

I would’ve just told you all this stuff in person, but I think we both know I’m not one for words. Plus, when I’m around you, I lose my train of thought, so I’m writing to you so I can tell you what I need to properly.

It’s Christmas season, which means Exusiai and the rest of them are gonna be even more rowdier than usual. Can't really blame them, you probably remember that the Boss didn't give us a Holiday break last year because we got caught up with some problems during our Operations with Rhodes Island. So now they’re gonna celebrate twice as hard to make up for the party we missed.

But I’m kind of happy about that. I’ll get more time to spend with you while the rest of them celebrate the whole night. [Name], thanks to all the work we’ve been getting, the alone time we have has been becoming less and less. I think we deserve a break. To be honest...there’s a lot I want to say to you.

We’ve been together for a long time, sugar. ...Have I really gotten used to calling you that? I know it started out as a joke because of the chocolate sticks I like to snack on, but I think it actually suits you nice. So, if it doesn't bother you, I’ll keep sticking with it.

Sorry. I’ve already gone off topic.

[Name], remember when we first met? Yeah, it was when we were still part of the Texas family. It’s kind of hard to believe that we’ve known each other this long, and even more unbelievable than that is that we’ve stayed with each other throughout all these years.

When I stop to think about it, I have you to thank for that, sugar. I can't count the amount of times we were so close to being separated, only for you to somehow find me again. It’s almost a miracle that we’ve never lost each other.

What we left behind when we left the Texas family...someday it’s gonna catch up to us. We can't run forever, and we can only run so far. I don't know if you’ve ever thought about that, but I have.

Despite that, I don't feel nervous about any of it. It’s not that I don't care, but sugar...when you’re around, I feel really at ease. I feel like I can take anything on as long as you're there with me. Maybe that doesn't make a lot of sense….sorry, I’m not that good at this.

The point I’m trying to get across is that we’ve endured a lot, and you’ve always been there to pick me up off my feet or fight alongside me. We helped each other get to where we are. If things had gone differently and you hadn't left the Texas family with me, I’m not really sure where I would be. You really deserve a pat on the back.

I feel like I haven't done enough to express how thankful I am for you. I can just say ‘thank you for everything’ and call it a day, but I don't feel like that's enough. You’re the only person I’ve ever held this close to my heart, the only person I’ve ever felt this way toward. So many times, it’s been you and I. You were my first friend, and now you’re my lover.

Lover. That word makes my stomach fill with butterflies.

Sugar, I don't feel like I deserve you. Maybe that's not the right way to say it...let me elaborate. There’s so many other people I think could love you much better than I could, people that express their emotions better, people that I feel like you would be much happier with, and yet...you chose me. For that, thanks. I’m really grateful.

I don't have a lot to give you, [name], but I think it's only fair that I promise to always stay by your side and find my way back to you, just like you’ve always been doing for me.

So even when our pasts finally catch up to us, I swear that we’ll always be together.

About being together - sugar, what do you wanna do for Christmas? We don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but I have a few things in mind. I actually got you a little gift that we might be able to use on Christmas day, but if you don't feel like going out we can just stay in and listen to Sora’s new Holiday album. I don't mind so long as I get to spend some time with you.

Thanks for reading this. It was supposed to be a Christmas letter but...it got a little sentimental, sorry. I hope I got my points across.

I love you, [name]. Thanks for sticking with me, I really mean that. We left a lot of things behind when we left the Texas family, and now that we’re both working for Penguin Logistics we’ve got a lot ahead of us. I’ll fight my hardest so we can stay together matter what gets thrown at us.

I’ll see you later.

Texas

--------------------

As you finish the letter, snow starts to fall and the air around you becomes chillier, but all you feel is warmth hugging your body, as if you have a fuzzy blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Texas’ words may not be the most romantic, but the sincerity in her words and the meaning behind them make your heart beat faster.

Just as you were about to fold the letter back into the envelope and head back inside, you notice a few other things still inside the envelope - a small note as well as a pair of movie tickets; one for you, and one for Texas.

You grin at the tickets; they’re for an old vintage-style theatre in the city that you and Texas had passed by during one of your small dates together - under the stars, you and her had sat atop the top of one of the buildings in the city and pointed out things on the street below that caught your eyes. You recall the title of the movie as well - it’s the first Holiday movie the both of you had watched with Penguin Logistics all those Christmases ago. You’re a little surprised she remembers that day, you thought you were the only one between the two of you who had a vivid recollection of it.

Eyes going to the note, you hold the tickets in your palm as you read it, ‘Merry Christmas, sugar. I know the tickets are nothing very extravagant, but I hope they’re a good enough gift. I saw that that cinema was playing that old movie we watched a long time ago, so I felt compelled to buy tickets for us. It gives us something to do on Christmas Day.’ As the note closes, another van pulls into the driveway of the base, and from the car window you catch a glimpse of Sora, with Texas in the seat just beside her. You smile as you stand up with her letter tucked in your pocket; timing had never been so perfect. ‘I miss spending time alone with you, [name], but then I remember - I promised I’d make sure we stay together forever and I intend on keeping my promise. Forever is a long, long time, so I wont worry.’

[wellbafineline]

official

(1.7k) / feedback! / other writings!

a.n. hiii, this is my first full length fic, no one asked for this but this is the concept that i’ve been daydreaming about so here you go :) hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated <3 

how you and harry make things official

You'd been ‘seeing’ Harry for about 3 months, he’d been introduced to you by your mutual friends in London. The only thing was, you weren't really together, not as far as you were concerned at least. Your and Harry's relationship was seemingly casual, you hooked up, slept over at each other's places, ordered take out and watched shitty reality tv every Friday night while complaining about your shitty weeks at work (after hearing about her for three months he’d began to really hate Rachel from your office) and most other things people in relationships did. Just you guys did it without the labels and strings. 

And you'd had no problem with that at first, you understood. He was busy, wasn't always around, or had the most reliable schedule. But as you approached 4 months of whatever you and Harry had going on, you started to get more questions from both of your friends about the more intimate and logistical details of your relationship. You had begun to get pretty good at getting around them or changing the subject, but that didn't mean the nagging feeling in your gut went away when they asked.

//

That's exactly what's happening currently, you’d gone out with your two best friends to a bar in the city. They’d been begging for a catch up for a week, but you'd been at Harry's for the week because he wanted ‘all the time he could get’ before he had to go to LA for a couple of weeks to put finishing touches on his album. 

But now you were all squished together into a tiny booth in the corner of the bar, and you were listening to your friend Lindsey complain about the new project she was doing in work and how it was way below her pay grade when Destiny jumps in when she’s finished turning herself to face you 

‘So, how’s your boyfriend’ she asked you. Knowing she emphasized the ‘boyfriend’ to get you to spill if you and Harry made it official yet you sighed.

‘He's not my boyfriend, you know that, no strings’ 

‘Yeah I know that, but I also know you’re delusional. You just spent a week straight at his house and you're both not seeing other people so… what's the harm in labeling it.’ she trailed off ‘do you want that with him?’ Lindsey asks when you don't start talking

‘Of course, I want that, at least think I do, just what we've got going on is good, y’know, there's no pressure on it and it's easy’ you sigh ‘plus he’s Harry and there's a lot more that comes with being in a relationship with him than just anyone else’

‘So find someone else, no drama, sorted,’ Lindsey says  ‘no-i- that's not what I meant, just meant it'll be harder’ ‘have to ask yourself if this is what you want, you two can't go on like this forever’ she explains ‘And if it is, talk to him, now backing out this time, ‘cause you said you were gonna talk to him about this like a month ago too.’ 

‘I know, and i will, promise this time, but he's gone for a couple of weeks anyway don't want to do it over facetime so it'll have to wait till he's home’

//

After your meet up with Lindsey and Destiny you spent a lot more time than you probably should've thinking about what to do, about you, about harry and about your relationship with harry, if you can even call it that. 

He gets back from LA on Friday now, it was your plan to go over to his house, order take out, watch a film or help him unpack like you two always do when he gets back from long periods away because he ‘missed you the most and needs to see you asap.’

But this time you were going to talk to him, no chickening out.

//

You’d agreed to meet Harry at his place on Friday, you finished work around 3pm and he wasn't going to be home till at least 7 maybe 8pm. But you went over anyway letting yourself in with a key he gave you about a month ago saying ‘f’ emergencies love, or when your flat mate’s getting on your fuckin’ nerves’. 

Truthfully you didn’t know what you were going to do at Harry's for 4-ish hours alone but you figured it was better than sitting anxiously at home or at your desk at work. At least it gave you time to think, make a plan of action, because as you'd realised sometime in the past two weeks, there was a very real chance that this was all Harry wanted, that this is where you’d end. Because there was no way you could lay it all out for him just to go back to glorified friends with benefits. 

Leaving your coat and work bag at the door when you arrived, you make your way to his kitchen to make some tea before getting comfortable on the couch in the living room, appreciating what you assume is the calm before the storm. 

//

At around 7pm, exactly when he promised, you hear a car pull up the driveway and what can only be Harry's heavy footsteps in the hallway. ‘Love, you here, got taken away on the way home’ he called out as you got up to go meet him in the kitchen. 

‘Mm, missed you’ you reached up to peck his cheek ‘but I missed this more’ as you started taking the containers out of the take out bag ‘but I missed this more’ 

‘Heyyy!, not true and you know it.’ 

‘Yeah, keep telling yourself that.’ 

‘C’mon, jus’ shut up and eat.’ 

//

You’d been like this for a few hours. He was laying on the couch with you on top of him. Your head on his chest, with the tv playing in the background. Harry was drifting off to sleep, jetlag finally catching up to him but you were wide awake. Sighing a bit too loudly and moving to get up you suddenly felt a pair of hands gripping to your waist.

‘Where y’ goin’ love’ Harry murmurs, his eyes still closed. ‘Just to get some water, go back asleep.’ You answered him but he didn't let go of you leaving you sat in his lap with you looking up at you from his position laying down.

‘Are y’ alright, seem, um, stiff’ He questioned, you could tell he knew something was off and he was harry so he probably wouldn't give up till you told him, so now or never you thought. No chickening out. 

‘um, Harry, I've, um, been meaning to talk to you about this for a while’ You started, pausing after to properly think of how to do this, you hadn't thought it’d go like this in your head. You thought it’d be in his kitchen maybe bedroom but definitely not when you were basically straddling him on the couch.

His voice interrupted your thoughts, prompting you to carry on ‘C’mon spit it out love, what's wrong.’ 

‘Nothings wrong, well I don't think anything wrong, i- just. Harry what are we?’ You finally just ripped the bandage off, thinking there was no point to really skip around it.

‘Oh, well,’ he paused. ‘We're us.’

‘No, H, I mean are we like, together’ 

‘Where's this comin’ from love’ as he started to stroke your thigh feeling that you were starting to back away from him, as much as you could at least.

‘Just, y’know, friends, people, are asking. We've been doing this for a while, H, bound to come up at some point’

‘Well, what do you want to do about it then, have t’ tell me, not a mind reader love.’ He chuckled.

‘Are we together, or I don't know can we be.’ After everything you’d done together, he still seems to make you nervous, both butterflies from being giddy and deathly terrified of his answer.

His reaction to that was not what you expected at all his face erupted into one of the biggest smiles you've ever seen him wear. ‘Like boyfriend and girlfriend?’ He grins at you

‘Yeah, I guess, yeah like boyfriend and girlfriend.’ You’d moved back to lay on him, and now your face was buried in his neck, even with the smile on his face the still small chance that this was the end was still eating at your nerves. 

Harry sat up suddenly, with you now sitting in his lap he tightened his arms around your waist almost as if he knew you'd try to squirm out of his grasp, and tried to coax you to look at him.

‘Y’ askin me yo be ya boyfriend, babe?’ he's got a shit-eating grin on his face now and that's exactly the reaction you needed for the weight of rejection to be lifted off of you. 

‘Guess I am, what's your answer.’ 

‘No no no, never actually asked me did ya can’t answer if y’ don't ask’ 

‘You're really making me do this h?’ You stared and raised your eyebrows at him.

‘Yeah, c’mon love thought there was somethin’ you wanted to ask me.’ You could tell he was enjoying this, and you tried to completely let your guard down and play along.

‘Okay, will you, Harry Styles, do me the honour of being my boyfriend?’ your voice was dripping with sarcasm but you both knew what you were asking was sincere.

‘Thought you’d never ask babe’ he said while his hand cupped your jaw moving your face to finally kiss you. 

As you pulled away he was smiling at you, bigger than you’d seen him smile for a while. ‘Think I'm gonna be good at this boyfriend thing, don't you?’

‘Yeah I do’ you sighed as he lay back on the couch where you guys were sitting. You had your arms wrapped around his waist as he was tracing up and down your back. You really couldn’t remember what you were so nervous about 3 hours ago.

[kuratoki]

Changes 09

Changes is ALMOST done...I just finished writing the remaining parts so they’ll be posted throughout the week :)

Also once this series is completed what do you guys want to see next? The sequel or the new fic? Let me know~♥ 

Do you agree that things change in time? Well four years abroad would tell wouldn’t it?

Pairing: Reader x Jeno ft. NCT

Words: 3711

Warning: Swearing/Mentions of Death/Angst

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 6.5 - 7 - 8 - 9

Renjun had seen Jaemin’s car come into the parking lot from the window and went out to meet you, “We need to talk” he said quickly, pulling you away to somewhere private and away from everyone's questionable looks. 

“Did Jongin contact you?” you both asked at the same time once you were alone.

“Ah, good. So we are on the same page...what do you think?” he asked leaning against the brick wall, crossing his arms.

“I just want to know why they’re asking us instead of holding auditions.” you said biting your lip, “We’re technically considered alumni at this point despite only being juniors so isn’t that against the rules?” 

“It was a request from Anne-Marie,” Renjun emphasized, “She can technically do whatever she wants. We’d probably be missing school too meaning we won’t be in the Senior levels with everyone else the following year. You don’t think its because of...”

"Can’t be.” you said quickly shaking your head, “If I remember correctly, opening night rolls around spring break...It might be a semester abroad.” you commented, “What do you want to do?” 

“You know I won’t agree if you don’t.” Renjun stated with a shrug, “How about we see what Jongin has to say first? Then we’ll decide.” 

“Sounds good. I’m just wondering why though…” you said trying to figure out why you and Renjun would get called back after all these years. After the one performance, the two of you chose not to reaudition the next year but kept in close contact with a few members of the competition team members who were a lot older and advanced. There were only two known Juniors who had ever made it to the competition team and now only one remained while the other one was hired as their Creative Director. 

“We should get inside, I’m starving.” you said, stuffing your hands in your pockets but before you could take a step Renjun threw something at you and you almost didn’t catch it.

Looking at the box in your hands, you noticed it was your iron supplements.

“You left those in my bag. Judging by your face, your levels dropped right?” he asked with a smirk before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, “If we’re going to do this, we can’t have you falling off stage again.” 

“I’ll be fine.” you said rolling your eyes, “You and Jisung really need to stop babying me.” 

“We will when Jeno starts, how about that?” he suggested, giving you his sarcastic smile, leading you into the private room.

“Yo! What took you guys so long?! The food arrived ten minutes ago.” Yuta called when he noticed the two of you walking in.

“You didn’t save any food for me?” you asked Yuta with big eyes, “The one who makes you food almost every day? Whose lunch box did you eat today huh?” 

“Wow, still a master at being pitiful.” Renjun muttered, arm still around your shoulder and took you to where he saw two empty seats and you gulped. This was an awkward seating arrangement. 

You were sandwiched between Jeno, who had Yeeun on his other side, and Renjun, who had Donghyuk on his other side. Across from you were Jaemin, Hana, Chenle and Jisung. This was going to be interesting.

“Don’t worry Y/N, I saved you some food.” Doyoung said, handing you a plate of skewers, which was Yuta’s choice of restaurant tonight.

“Plus we ordered more squid tentacles cause Jeno said that they were your favorite.” Jaehyun called out with a smirk, making the two of you red in the face. 

“Thanks Doyoungie.” you said and picked up a skewer, holding it in front of Jeno who took a bite without hesitation before you finished the rest. Sharing food with each other was habitual.

“Careful you two, some would think that you were already dating.” Jaemin teased as the other boys all agreed around him and continued to poke fun at the two of you.

“Anyways, what took you two so long outside?” Mark asked, looking at you and Renjun curiously.

You looked at Renjun, silently asking if he wanted to tell everyone. Renjun shrugged his shoulders, people were bound to find out anyways and you nodded your head towards him, wanting him to say it. 

“We both got a phone call just now from our mentor and Creative Director of the Selects Dance Company. They’re starting to organize their yearly performance schedule and they’ve decided upon Swan Lake once more.” Renjun said, taking a sip of his tea.

“So they want you two to audition again?” Taeyong asked as the rest of the boys looked on curiously.

“But isn’t the Selects Dance Company Europe based? You’d have to be attending an academy there in order to participate.” Ten commented.

“The Head of the Board herself has requested that Renjun and I return to reprise our roles as the Prince and Odette. We aren’t sure about the logistics about it yet. The Creative Director said he’s on his way here from Europe so we’ll meet with him to get the details I guess.” you answered.

“Dude that’s so sick!!” Mark said, coming to congratulate the two of you as various others did the same, “You two must’ve made an impact to get invited back.” 

“Well Anne-Marie, who runs the whole operation, does say that once a Select, always a Select. A lot of the junior performance members get scouted into their respective competitive teams and Renjun and I do keep in contact with quite a few of the competition team members.” you explained, “Though it was unsurprising, it was completely unexpected.” 

“Are you guys going to do it?” Doyoung asked, leaning over curiously. He knew that if you accepted the role, there was a chance you’d be going back to Europe a lot sooner than anyone would have wanted but if he remembered correctly, the Selects Dance Company based out of London had a really unique way to accommodate their foreign teammates.

“We’ll decide once we meet with him in a few days.” Renjun confirmed, “Speaking of which Doyoung, I’m going to need to take a day off from the club this week. I’m not sure when but I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.” 

“Tell Y/N.” Taeyong said, “She’s the clubs new manager, remember?” 

Jeno, who wasn’t at club when Taeyoung and Ten made the announcement, turned to look at you, “Really? They actually convinced you?” 

“What? Do you not want me at club meetings?” you asked, looking at him from the corner of your eye, “And Renjun tell Hana, I’m going to be at that meeting too remember?” 

“Noted.” Hana said with a giggle as Jeno tried to defend himself.

“No no no!!” he said, shaking his hands quickly, causing everyone in the room to laugh. It was unusual to see Jeno flustered the way he was and some of the members cringed at the sight while others smiled knowing there was only one person who could do that to him, “It’s not that. You’ve been so busy lately, I just thought you wouldn’t have the time.”

“The dance that we presented today and the practices we had for projects took up the majority of that.” you explained and let out a relieved sigh, “Now I can finally have a social life. Do you know how hard it was to see only Jaehyun and Renjuns face every day, almost every hour, almost every waking moment…” 

“We get it!” Jaehyun and Renjun called out, rolling their eyes and Renjun shoved you slightly, making you shove him back.

“Wait, so you guys never explained it to me.” Sicheng said looking at the three of you, “Jae saw the video, figured out that it was Y/N. Asked Y/N to be his partner but why was Renjun with you?” The two were over practically everyday after school and Jaehyun just told him it was for their project but Renjun always looked like the third wheel in the scenario.

“Also, who was the guy that Y/N was dancing with?” Donghyuk asked, who was currently watching the video with several of the others behind him including yourselves and Yeeun, “the dance itself was so intimate, you must’ve been comfortable with him.”

You looked at Renjun, then back to Donghyuk, then turned to look at Renjun again, shrugging, “Well I guess you were a little uglier back then.” 

Everyone at the table froze,minus Renjun who was busy shaking the life out of you again for your comment and was currently cursing at you in Chinese and Chenle who was laughing his butt off at the curses coming out of his friends mouth.

“W-wait…” Ten said, interrupting Renjuns fit, “The two of you…I thought you guys did ballet.”

“Doesn’t mean we never explored other styles of dance.” Renjun said and started thinking, “Why did we choreo this again?” 

“Competition?” you suggested.

“No, look at your hair. We posted this second year when we were training with the Selects.” Renjun said pointing at something on the phone, “Extra credit project?” 

“We were training with the Selects, that already fulfilled our requirement for the year.” you said and your heads snapped to look at each other, “Ah.” 

“We were bored.” you both said at once and heard someone choke on their meat nearby.

“That’s right. We had a day off and watched the movie.” you said remembering the day clearly, “It was my favorite song.”

“Eight hours later, the dance was created.” Renjun said with a satisfied sigh, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, “Back in the day, when it was just you and me.”

“Bored out of our minds cause all we knew was dance. Anne-marie was impressed when we performed it for her the next day.” you said, leaning your head on his shoulder, “Heck, I was impressed.”

“Dude, I’m impressed.” Ten said with a big nod of approval, “It’s hard to make choreo like that to perfection in such a short period of time.”

“We know.” you and Renjun said at the same time.

‘Just because the dance came together in eight hours, doesn’t mean it was a peaceful discussion. This girl gets feisty when she’s persistent.” Renjun said with a smirk.

“I’m sorry...who bit who?” you asked looking up at him with a raised eyebrow, not realizing how it had come out.

“I recall it going both ways.” Renjun shot back suggestively and you pushed him away in disgust, going back to your seat.

Jeno’s eyes widened, Chenle sighed and Hana giggled. 

“Yea, then I kicked you in the shin for it and you couldn’t walk for ten minutes. Bruised badly too I recall.” you said and looked at Jeno, giving him an innocent grin, “He learned not to fuck with me after that.” 

“I just learned not to fuck with you.” he said, pulling you by the hood towards him, “Now eat. You skipped lunch and we ordered more skewers.” he pushed the plate in front of you and wrapped his arm around your waist as he talked to Jaemin and Hana while Taeyong got you into a conversation regarding the Clubs pre-competition retreat. 

It was the one of two events a year where the older members treated the junior members to a week or weekend away. Most of the members came from wealthy families and the SUEX fund which was established by the founding members years ago came in handy. It was an account with the school where alumni members of the club would donate a little bit of money every year to fund club expenses, such as competition fees and the retreat along with team jackets etc.

The members of the club had to hold a certain grade point average to maintain their position within the dance team. Most of the members were in their top of the class and Doyoung, Taeyong, Johnny and Jaehyun were all part of the student council. 

What didn’t go unnoticed by Yeeun was that despite being in a conversation with Jaemin, Jeno’s arm remained around your waist as if it was the most natural thing in the world. You were engaged in two different conversations, yet still completely aware of the others' presence and obviously listening in on the others as well. She had never seen two people who weren’t together so in tune with one another.

 “Where should we go this year?” Johnny asked, taking out his phone for potential destinations.

“Why don’t we try someplace new?” Jaehyun suggested.

“Hong Kong.” Yukhei called out.

“Been there.” you and Jeno said together.

“Japan?” Yuta suggested.

“Been there.” you chorused once again.

“Oh! Why don’t we go to Hawaii!” Mark suggested.

“Been there six times.” you said and Jeno nodded.

“How have you been to so many of the same places?” Jisung asked confused, “Can’t be pure coincidence.”

“Our parents work from home and travel for a living.” you answered for the two of you, “We grew up going on trips together all over the place. Hawaii...California…”

"Japan...Malaysia…the Carribean..” Jeno continued listing off his fingers, “We did a cruise once too.” 

“Ahh our days of running free on deck, high on endless soft serve.” you said leaning into him with a giggle, remembering the days where your parents let you did as you pleased while on the cruise, “What do you guys want to do for the retreat?” you asked, getting back on topic.

“Weekend trip this time around. I think we’ll save the weeklong one for warmer weather.” Taeyong said looking at his phone, “We could go to Busan.”

“Why don’t we go to Y/N’s vacation home in Jeju?” Jeno suggested, not even asking you first.

“Vacation home?” Yeeun asked with wide eyes, just how wealthy were you?

“We could.” you agreed, “You’d just have to pay for the plane tickets. But it’s in my name now and I have the keys. As long as you guys don’t trash the place, I can organize the whole thing.” 

“Your parents actually put the whole thing in your name?” Jeno asked skeptically, “There has to be a reason behind that.” 

“They figured we’d use it more than they would and if anything happens, I’m responsible, not them.” you answered, “And don’t act so surprised. I know for a fact that you have the penthouse in Gangnam under your name.” 

“Yea and? It’s not like I use it.” he said, “It’s just sitting there collecting dust.” 

‘It’s waiting for us.’  he thought to himself, subconsciously tightening his arm around you and felt you shift to make yourself more comfortable. When you were younger, the two of you made a pact to move to the city together and to this day, it was what the penthouse in Gangnam his parents promised him was for. He wanted to be your first official place together.

“The fact that the two of you already have property under your names astound me.” Doyoung said with a straight face, “You truly are a match made in heaven.” 

“Our parents have share homes in certain cities so they have a home wherever they go. They haven’t really been in Korea much these days.” you explained ignoring Doyoungs last comment, “and with Jeno’s parents gone, we kind of have to rely on each other. Plus I have WinWin who apparently adopted Yuta so I’m technically a mom of three.” you finished with a sigh.

“I’ll pay for you tonight Y/N.” Yuta called out sweetly, making you snort.

“When do you guys want to go to Jeju? Y/N and I can take care of it all. You just have to show.” Jeno said as eyes widened around the table.

“Did my ears deceive me or did Jeno actually just take charge of an event?” Johnny asked, looking at Doyoung and Taeyong. 

“He’s smart, taking the opportunity to spend more time with her.” Doyoung mused, “And Renjuns also doing a good job at playing  the jealousy pawn. He brings out a side of her that I don’t think Jeno’s ever seen and its obvious.” 

“Okay, fine.” Taeyong said grinning, “You and Y/N can take charge, outside of the plane tickets, we’ll give you a budget for food and drinks. Anything outside of that will come out of your pockets.” 

“Fine by me.” Jeno said looking down at you, “What do you think.” 

“I have to dance with you already and now I have to plan a retreat with you?” you asked, pretending to be reluctant, “Sure why not.” 

“Okay, now we’ve settled that. What are we doing for the rest of the night?”  Yuta asked, “It’s Friday night guys.” 

“You guys could always come over.” you said knowing it was what Yuta wanted, “And if it gets too much, I can just escape to Jeno’s or something.”

 “I need to get my cats from you first but that sounds like a plan.” Jeno agreed as others agreed around him.

“I’m starting to like our new manager already.” Jungwoo said grinning, “Best decision the club has ever made.” As those around him happily agreed, knowing that good things were going to come to the club.

When everything was settled, everyone slowly but surely made their way to your house. Yeeun and Yukhei even showed up and you were glad that there was no animosity between you and the truth was, Yeeun couldn’t feel any even if she tried. 

Through dinner she could see why Jeno liked you so much. You invited her to dinner and even back to your house, even though all she had been was mean to you. The way he looked at you was also another thing that got Yeeun. The only time she had ever seen that look was the way Jaemin would look at Hana, it was the look of adoration, contentment and love. She realized then that she couldn’t compete with someone like that. Not with how strongly Jeno wasn’t afraid to show his obvious love for you in front of everyone.

Jeno and Jaemin had gone back to his house to change once more and had yet to return, a few of the guys were in your yard while others were playing video games. You and Renjun were in the kitchen, reading the Selects group chat which was currently going crazy. 

“Something doesn’t seem right.” Chenle said, looking around the room, specifically at three different people.

“What are you talking about?” Jisung asked, focused on the game at hand.

Chenle looked at Yukhei who seemed to be a little too focussed on his phone and then looked at you and Renjun who seemed to be doing the same. Doing a quick scan of the room, Hana, Jeno and Jaemin were no where to be found. 

“Something is seriously not right.” he said again when he saw the grim looks on yours and Renjuns faces and Yukheis gaze darting towards the two of you across the room, his look almost identical. 

Getting up, he quickly made his way to the kitchen when he saw you say something to Renjun and he nodded his head, leaving out your back door his phone grasped tightly in his hand. It was the wrong move however because once Renjun was out of sight, Yukhei left Yeeun and made a beeline for the kitchen, luckily Chenle got there first.

“What’s going on?” he asked when he saw you resting your head in your hands.

At the same time, your phone rang and you held up your finger to Chenle, signalling for him to hold on.

“Please tell me you didn’t get on that plane and that you’re with them right now.” you said the moment you answered.

“I didn’t get on the plane and I’m with Anne-Marie and Mia right now.” Jongin said on the other side quietly, “Mia’s on the phone with Renjun and Anne-Marie is saying her goodbyes. How are you holding up?” 

“I’m still in shock...but I think it’ll be easier to let go when it sinks in. We all knew it was going to happen and Mia’s been keeping us updated.  He gave up his fight.” you said and sighed, closing your eyes, a lone tear escaped alarming Chenle.

“His body couldn’t take it anymore.” Jongin said, his voice heartbroken. He did just lose a brother after all, “Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I’m still going to be coming down but I’ll be there in two days. They were already prepared so they just have to decide the funeral date. I want to meet with the two of you but I have a huge favor to ask of you and Renjun.” 

“Anything.” you said, trying to hold in your tears and you felt Chenle wrap his arm around your shoulders in a comforting hug. 

“Anne-Marie insists that we proceed with the production regardless of the circumstances. I don’t want to ask too much of her right now but the show must go on. Can I ask the two of you to be a helping hand with the cast and production alongside Mia?” Jongin requested and you gasped.

He wanted you to be part of not only the cast but the production team as well, this was a big opportunity since it showed that he believed in your skills.

“We can talk more about it when I get there but it would be a big help to me and the rest of the company.” he continued.

“I’ll talk to Renjun after he gets back. We will for sure consider it. Go be with them, they need you the most now.” you said, “Just let me know where and when to meet.” 

“I’ll see you soon. Take care of yourself Y/N.” Jongin said before the line went dead.

“Y/N, what happened? What’s going on?” Chenle asked as you let more tears flow. 

“Y/N.” Yukhei said coming into the kitchen and standing on your other side so you were trapped.

“Xander  passed away.” you whispered, letting more tears flow and closed your eyes briefly, “His nurse found him this morning...they said it was peaceful. His body was exhausted and just couldn’t take it anymore.” 

[jjkfire]

Sweet Saccharine; pt.4

Reader x Jungkook // sugardaddy!AU // 14.5k words

Summary: Trying your best to stay afloat in a ruthless city, you decide to join the sugar bowl. Who knew the sugar baby business would be this exciting?

Genre: Fluff?

A/N: here we are! a year later lmaooo but !!! better late than never amirite? sigh sorry for the wait ): i should really get into the habit of pre-writing my fics. anyway, i hope you guys like it! tis the reveal of the hooded man hehe. also never drink and drive pleaseee.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 *tumblr still hasn’t fixed the link thing, sorry!*

Previously...

His plan was really beginning to fall into place and it was all because of… you. Oh little Y/N has come so so far, he smiles but you still had a long way to go, still so much to do but it was only a matter of time before he would stand from afar and watch everything crumble around the Jeons, your very existence the sole thing he needed to kick-start complete chaos.

“Why?” You groan. “Why would you let me do something as stupid as that?”

“Listen, I tried to stop you but—”

“You didn’t try hard enough,” You grumble, head in your hands.

“If it’s any consolation, he didn’t seem too bothered by it.”

“This is your fault,” You huff. “I told you I didn’t want to go drinking but you insisted that I—”

“Oh, don’t you dare blame this on me.” Wendy wags her finger at you. “I said we should go drinking, yes, but it’s not my fault you decided to drink up half the bar.”

You let out a whine, letting your head thud against the table as you grumble to yourself.

“Anyway so, for your sake I pretended like the logistics conference bullshit story the two of you fed me last night was the truth, but come on, tell me… how’d you meet him?” She questions, prodding at your cheek.

“Well, a uhh, a c-conference.”

“Honestly Y/N, you expect me to believe that?”

“Okay, fine,” You sigh, shrinking away as she gives you a pointed look. “It wasn’t a logistics conference, but it was a conference…”

“Oh, don’t tell me it was comic-con or someth—”

“Hey, comic-con is cool,” You frown. “And so what if that’s where we met?”

She simply rolls her eyes at that before she squints at you, the gears turning in her head, a moment of realization dawning on her.

“No, no that’s not where you met him,” She murmurs. “You were busy during comic-con… you wouldn’t stop bitching about how you were going to miss it.”

“N-no, I went! I uhh took a day off and I—”

“Don’t lie to me. You’d be the last person to get a day off work,” She snips, eyebrows furrowed. “When did you meet him? Why wouldn’t you tell me you know him? Did our days of dreaming of running into him on the street mean nothing to you?”

You laugh at that, shaking your head at her.

“It’s complicated… he’s a secretive person,” You mumble. “Anyway, it hasn’t been too long okay... Maybe 2 or 3 months max. You know I can never hide anything from you for too long anyway.”

Wendy taps her fingers on the table, doing the math in her head. 2 or 3 months meant that it was right in the timeframe of— no way.

“No,” She gasps. “No… don’t tell me you met him at my conference!” She practically screams out the sentence, causing everyone to look at your table.

“N-no, no that’s not where we met!” You lie before you put your index finger to your lips, trying to get Wendy to calm down.

“My god, that’s why you’ve been avoiding all the texts where I try to set you up with potential sugar daddies! You—”

“Not so loud!” You scold before you look around, hoping no one in the café had caught that.

“Okay, so he’s your sugar— fructose father,” She corrects when you smack her hand. “And you didn’t think to tell—”

“Fructose father… honestly Wendy?”

“What? Okay, glucose guardian… or carbohydrate caretaker! Take your pick,” She smiles.

“The term isn’t the problem!” You grumble, burying your head in your hands. “Look can we just drop this?”

“Absolutely not,” She replies. “You bagged the literal whale shark of the industry… y-you’re set for life!”

“Whale sha—?” You shake your head at your friend before you clear your throat. “Listen, you can’t tell anyone… and I mean it okay? I don’t want you to say yes to me and then text your whole friend list seconds after I leave.”

“You have such little faith in me,” She fake sobs, sniffling as she wipes away imaginary tears. “You know anyway, no one would even believe me if I told them. He doesn’t seem like the type of person who would need a sugar baby.”

You nod at that, sipping at your drink, hoping that she would move on to another topic, but you know Wendy and she would milk you off every single drop of information before she leaves you be.

“So, you’re really not going to let me have any details?” She questions as you busy yourself with stirring your drink. “Oh come on! Tell me one thing. At least tell me he’s bad in bed. He can’t have good looks, money and be good in bed. That would be unfair.”

“Seriously? That’s what you want to know?” You snort, shaking your head. “Anyway, I can’t say because we haven’t really… done t-that,” You stammer. “We’re just in a uhh platonic… thing.”

“Please,” She snorts. “I saw you and him getting all handsy last night. Don’t lie.”

“We… we were? Oh my god. How handsy?” You query, worried. “H-he won’t fire me… will he?”

“Not with the way he was looking at you he won’t.”

“Wendy, I’m serious,” You wail, groaning inwardly. “We’re supposed to be just friends, okay?”

“And how are you doing with that? You’ve loved him ever since I’ve known you.”

“That’s not true,” You mumble, looking away. “I was uhh, enamoured by him, yes, but… that’s like you know, my daydream version of him. That’s not him, him. I can separate fact from fiction, okay?”

“Okay, sure,” She smirks. “Just saying, he looks better in person.”

“I know,” You hum, smiling.

Perhaps you like the fact that you can finally tell someone about your whole Jungkook situation… even if technically you’re not supposed to. The whole thing just seemed so crazy to you and being able to tell Wendy about the whirlwind of events that had taken place, feels… nice. The girl could coax anything out of you and as much as you hated to admit it, you loved talking to her about anything and everything. You trusted her with your whole heart and she just always understood you, always laughed at your jokes, no matter how bad they were which you thoroughly appreciated.

You tell her about him from start to end. You tell her about all the places you’ve brought him to, all the trouble you’ve almost gotten him in to and she laughs because whatever friendship or relationship you had with him, it sounded so entirely you. You have a penchant for danger, that Wendy is well aware of considering that she had been subjected to the many adventures you’d taken her on during college.

As you tell story after story, Wendy only grows more worried because you had that look, that smile and it’s one she rarely sees. She’s glad you’re happy, in fact she’d wish for nothing more, but the sugar business has always been misleading like that. One day you think the man you’re with has genuine feelings for you and the next, they drop a big fat cheque in your mailbox with a short letter saying this was fun, but we’re done. Sugar babies like you and her are in abundance thus, essentially, replaceable, expendable. It hurts, having to burst your bubble but if not her then who?

“He’s Jeon Jungkook,” Wendy says as a response to your story, her voice stern and you know what that means but… you wanted her to know that he was more than just his name.

“I know he’s Jeon Jungkook and all of that but, he’s really sweet too… nothing like how they paint him in the media.”

“Careful,” Wendy hums. “You have to remember your place.”

“I know my place,” You snap, before you let out a sigh.

“You know I’m not trying to be mean, right?” Wendy pouts. “It just looks like you sort of… actually like like him even if you’ve been trying to convince me otherwise.”

“Okay, maybe I do… a little… but it’s under control,” You frown, letting your finger idly draw patterns on the table.

“I trust you,” She smiles. “I just thought a reminder wouldn’t hurt. I know I’ve appreciated it every time you gave me one.”

You simply smile at her and nod, a soft thanks leaving your lips to which she crunches her nose at. Wendy always means well, has always been there to look out for you. She protects you with the ferocity of a mother and you’ve never been anything short of grateful for her. Well, except for when she convinces you that a night at the bar is a good idea… you’re not so grateful for her then but otherwise, you are. You know what she means about remembering your place and as much as you hate to admit it, you needed the reminder. Though Jungkook has been nothing but kind and sweet to you, you know that all of this is merely a contractual agreement. Sure, you let yourself get carried away once in a while but you guess you’re allowed to have some fun too. At the end of the day though, you must remember that you and him come from essentially separate worlds and no matter how enticing the idea of you and him being anything more than friends seems, it’s something that can never be.

As you stand outside the café, giving Wendy one last hug before the two of you part ways, you sigh when she reminds you that you should probably call Jungkook soon.

“You better thank him for carrying you up to your apartment too,” She laughs, remembering how mortified you looked when she had told you that it couldn’t possibly be her that got you up to your apartment last night considering that she wasn’t in the car.

“I’m a mess,” You sigh as you rest your forehead on her shoulder.

“It’s going to be fine,” She smiles. “He isn’t going to fire you.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do,” She winks before she pulls away, waving to you as she walks down the pavement.

You’re not sure what she means by that and although you think the statement had meant to comfort you, ease the nervousness that you feel, it doesn’t. You grumble to yourself as you walk towards your apartment, the sun already beginning to set in the horizon. It’s no surprise to you. Put you and Wendy in the same place and the two of you could talk for hours on end. It’s a wonder how you got any work done in college when the both of you had shared an apartment.

It’s a long walk home and all you do is think of what you’re meant to say. You’re not sure how to start. You had a host of things to apologize for. First, you had to apologize for even calling him down to the bar, then apologize for the fact that he had to drop both you and Wendy home. Oh, and you had to apologize for being handsy too. God, you can’t believe you did that. Wendy said you did it all. That you had slapped his chest teasingly when you were trying to get him to buy shots, that you had cupped his face in your hands when he said no. She said you even placed your hands on his waist… ugh, why did you do that? You’re never touching alcohol again, is what you mumble to yourself over and over again. You can’t believe he even had to carry you up to your apartment. A fool, that’s what you are. You grumble continuously to yourself, garnering weird looks from passing strangers, but you’re too deep in thought to notice any of that. Mortified. You’re mortified at how drunk you has managed to destroy the one good thing you had going for you.

The same thoughts replay over and over again in your head, even after you’ve slipped into the tiny restaurant by the street to grab a hot bowl of noodles. You would think that the food would at least distract you but oh no, not even food can fix this one.

You’re sat in your apartment, phone in your hand, stomach queasy and as much as you would like to blame it on the dinner you just had, you know it has nothing to do with it. You’ve called Jungkook and hung up before the dial tone starts at least 5 times now. You know you have to do it, that there is no avoiding it, but you’re just so nervous. You’re rambling to yourself, playing out the planned conversation in detail when you hear muffled sounds coming from your phone. You look down at your screen, eyes widening before you curse when you realize that you had accidentally called him. Begrudgingly, you press your phone to your ear, groaning inwardly when you hear his voice.

“Hello? Y/N? Say someth—”

“Hi.”

“Hey,” He answers, voice sounding smooth, happy… not mad or uncomfortable. Odd. “Thought you butt dialed me or something,” He laughs.

“Well, yes, sort of but no I mean… I, yeah I don’t know.”

You shut your eyes, warmth flooding your cheeks because you sound like a babbling idiot right now.

“Uhh, right… Well, are you free right now? Because I’m actually a few minutes away from the bridge and I was thinking I could come pick you up for some donuts.”

“Huh? Oh, s-sure.”

“Great, I’ll see you in a few!”

He must’ve been lying because he reaches your house far too soon or perhaps you hadn’t realized you had spent all those minutes playing out 15 different conversations in your head.

For the most part, the car ride isn’t awkward but that’s only because you weren’t given a chance to speak. Someone had called him on his phone, moments after you had said hi to him and the conversation lasted all the way till you reached the destination. He gestures for you to go ahead of him when he parks his car near the usual hangout spot. In all honesty, you’re glad whoever it is that called him had decided to discuss business matters at such an odd hour. If he didn’t, who knows what would have transpired in the car. You can’t run away forever though because now you’re here, seated on the bench next to Jungkook with twice the usual number of donuts in your hand.

“I guess you’re really in the mood for donuts tonight huh?” Jungkook laughs, peering into the brown paper bag that holds his favourite snack. You only nod, still trying to arrange your thoughts.

“How’s that hangover you’re nursing? Did you sleep well?” He questions, nonchalant as he munches on his donut.

“It’s uh, alright and y-yes I did…” You mumble, eyes downcast as your fingers tug at your earlobe nervously.

“Hey, it’s nothing to be shy about. We all have nights like that,” He smiles, using the back of his hand to wipe off the powdered sugar on his lips.

There’s an uncomfortable silence that hangs in the air and it makes Jungkook feel like he’s done something wrong. His mind starts working at a hundred miles per minute. Does being around him make you feel uncomfortable now? Was it the cuddling that had put you off? Well… you couldn’t really blame him for that. You were the one that had wrapped yourself around him first. Granted, he knew you were drunk. Damn it. He’s a dick, he frowns. He didn’t really mean to take advantage of the situation like that but he couldn’t help that it felt… nice to be in your arms. I-If you hadn’t put your arms around him, he would’ve let you be. See, he’s a good guy. He had nothing to worry about, he hums. But then again, he did kiss you on the cheek... multiple times. Ah, this was starting to look bad. He wants you to know he meant it in the most innocent way possible. You just looked adorable in your sleep and… and and there’s just all of these feelings he has that he’s still trying to properly map out but at the time it just seemed like a good idea. His lips are parted, an apology just at the tip of his tongue, but you’re speaking before he can get anything out.

“I’m— it’s… umm… I’m sorry I called you yesterday. I-I shouldn’t have and I caused you all of that trouble and I just—” You hesitate, forcing yourself to look at him, eyebrows knit together. “Please don’t fire me. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Fire you? Why would I— I’m not going to fire you,” He laughs. “Where did you get that idea?”

“I mean wasn’t what I did yesterday sort of a breach of the contract? You wanted all of this to be on the down low but then I called, and I basically forced you to come down to the bar and—”

“You didn’t force me to do anything.”

“I know but it was… unprofessional of me to do what I did and you had to carry me up to my apartment too,” You frown, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt. “N-Not that I actually remember that… Wendy had to refresh my memory because the last thing I honestly remember is seeing you walk into the bar and even that part is foggy at best. Ugh, I’m so sorry. This… this rarely happens and I’m just… I’m so sorry.”

You don’t remember anything… He’s in the clear for now, he guesses.

“Y/N, relax,” He tips your chin up so you’d look at him, offering you a soft smile. “What are friends for if they don’t drive halfway across town to pick you up drunk from a bar? You’d do the same for me, wouldn’t you?”

“I doubt you would want your posse to see me,” You laugh. “But, if I had a car, yes, I would.”

Jungkook frowns at your first statement. Why would you think that at all? He knows he makes it seem like he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public sometimes but that’s not really what it’s like. He didn’t know how to say it but more than anything, he’s concerned for your safety. He could handle the rumours, handle the press and well, even his mother’s wrath but you on the other hand, it would be cruel to subject you to all of that. He means to say all of that to you but when he peers over at you, you have this expression that mimics fear because—

“Oh y-you’re frowning… was that a test?” You ask, gulping. “Was I supposed to say no because then no I wouldn’t—"

“No, no,” He snorts, waving his hands. “No, it wasn’t a test. It’s— Look, it’s all good. You shouldn’t even have to apologize about yesterday.”

“Okay… but I’m still sorry,” You mumble, pouting as you tap your feet at the ground at an uneven rhythm.

He sighs, shaking his head at you as he grins. Why and how are you so adorable all the damn time?

“You know you and I should go out for drinks sometime,” He smiles. “You should show me how you guys live it up here in the South. Seems to be a lot more fun than the North judging by the state you were in yesterday.”

“Even after what you saw yesterday you actually still want to go out drinking with me? Are you a masochist?” You laugh.

“I happen to think you’re quite fun when you’re drunk. Slurring and babbling,” He hums. “Plus you talk with this perpetual pout because you think it’ll get you whatever you want.”

“I don’t do that,” You grumble.

“You do.”

“Do not.”

“Well, I’ll record it for you when we go drinking.”

“Fine.”

It’s an opportunity that never presents itself because it’s been a week since he’s last seen you. You say you’re busy with work and he understands that because you work two jobs after all. Jungkook’s not really the clingy type but he… misses you. He wonders if perhaps you were lying, that maybe you do remember the events of that night. Maybe more than that, Jungkook just wants to clear the air because his guilty conscience is eating him alive. Although nothing he did was technically bad as per se but… he still feels it was out of line. 

Perhaps he just needed to rip the band-aid off, just tell you that maybe he sort of kind of likes you and see where things could go? No. What if that freaks you out? He likes your company too much to risk you breaking off the contract but then again… he knows you wouldn’t do that. You needed the money, bad. But… he doesn’t want you to feel forced into staying friends with him. He hates how his mind always goes off on a tangent of its own, making mountains out of molehills. Maybe he just needed to see you to reassure himself that he was just making everything up in his head and that’s why he stops by the convenience store you work at, knowing that you have tonight’s shift. When he steps in however, he sees a young male working at the counter and at that he simply snorts.

Your phone dings and you grumble from your spot on the couch. Swiping at the message on your screen.

[9:31] Jungkook: busy working you say

[9:31] Jungkook: but you’re not at work???

[9:31] Jungkook: [image sent]

Crap. You groan when you see the image. It’s a picture of the convenience store counter, the worker at the register looking a little confused.

[9:33] You: …

[9:33] You: omg are you stalking me?

Oh damn… Jungkook just realizes how creepy this actually seems. He didn’t really think this through, he mumbles to himself as he slurps the instant ramen he just got for himself.

[9:33] Jungkook: wait what? no!

[9:33] Jungkook: I was just in the area

[9:33] You: hmm suspicious but ok sure

[9:33] You: anyway sigh fine you got me

[9:33] You: im not at work because im sick

 He frowns at that, wondering why you would lie and say you were busy instead.

 [9:34] Jungkook: so that’s why we haven’t been hanging out?

[9:34] Jungkook: lol why didn’t you just say so

[9:34] Jungkook: how bad is it

[9:34] Jungkook: did you go see the doctor?

 [9:34] You: ah yeah it’s just the flu

Jungkook hums at that, finishing the remainder of his meal before pocketing his phone to move towards the hot food section of the store to get a bowl of warm soup to go.

The pain in your abdomen hasn’t subsided and your body feels like it’s on fire. You haven’t been able to keep anything down at all today and you wonder if it’s the funky tasting egg sandwich you had for lunch two days ago that’s making you feel like this. You’d go to work if you could… you really can’t afford to take the day off, but you can hardly move. You’ve made your couch your bed for the past two days because from this spot you can crawl to the front door to open it when your food gets delivered. Speaking of, the delivery boy should have been here at least half an hour ago, but you don’t mind, you’re not that hungry anyway. Though you don’t really feel like eating, you know you should. You wonder what the point is though. You’ve barely digested it before you find yourself hugging the toilet bowl, retching out the contents of your stomach.

*Ding Dong*

“Coming,” You answer weakly, crawling to your door. You can’t stand, not for too long anyway because it feels like you’re being stabbed in your abdomen repeatedly.

You get to the entrance, pulling yourself up by the door knob. Your hand feebly reaches into your pocket for money as you open the door, not even bothering to check who’s on the other side of it.

“Y/N,” Jungkook smiles. “I come bearing gifts!”

“J-Jungkook, what—”

You don’t even get to finish your sentence, he’s already stepping in your apartment, rushing you to the couch.

“Just rest,” He mumbles. “I was close by so I thought I should bring you some soup.”

“You didn’t really have to,” You murmur, watching him set the plastic bag down on your coffee table.

“Well, what are friends for if— Y/N?”

You’re running to the washroom, throwing the door open before squatting by the toilet bowl as you heave out water and bile, having already thrown up your lunch much earlier in the day.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook questions, rushing to pat your back.

You nod, breathing heavily as your hold your abdomen in pain. Curse the stupid egg sandwich. You’re never eating one again.

“You said you had the flu,” Jungkook grumbles. “This isn’t the flu.”

“It is. It’s the stomach flu.”

He rolls his eyes at that and you scowl.

“It’s real, okay? It’s a thing.”

“Did you even go to the doctor’s?”

You mumble something under your breath, flushing the toilet before you move away from him to crawl back to the couch.

“Well, did you?” He questions again as he tries to pick you up, but you push his hands away, getting onto the couch on your own.

“No.”

“Why not?”

You refuse to give him an answer, trying to reach for the soup instead.

“We’re going right now,” He says, moving to pack up the food on the table.

“You’re overreacting,” You sigh. “It’s not as bad as it looks, okay? It’ll go away in a few days.”

“You can barely stand, you’re vomiting and you have a fever,” He mumbles, touching your forehead. “It’s bad and we should get you to a doctor.”

“No.”

“Why not? Are you afraid of doctors? I’ll be there—”

“No.”

“Stop being stubborn,” He frowns.

“I can’t go,” You sigh.

“Can’t or won’t?”

“I-I don’t have insurance,” You mumble.

“You have me,” Jungkook says matter-of-factly. “You don’t need insurance.”

“Jungkook,” You sigh, shaking your head. “No.”

You hate being indebted to someone and especially so to Jungkook. You already had your whole drunken fiasco last week and you can’t let him do this for you. You’re probably the worst sugar baby in the business, you sigh.

“We’re going,” Is all he says as he picks you up, empty plastic bag hanging off his hand.

“No, please,” You beg, attempting to get out of his hold but you’re too weak to fight. You try to squirm, but Jungkook holds you tight, hands secure under your knees and back as he presses at the button in the elevator. God, you’re a mess, you sigh.

Sat in the front seat of his car, Jungkook curses as he looks up directions on his phone.

“Seriously? The closest hospital is in the North?” He questions. “Why isn’t there one in the South?”

“Ask the mayor,” You huff. “He said the South doesn’t need one.”

“Incredulous.” Jungkook shakes his head. “Hold this,” He places the empty plastic bag in your lap before his hand squeezes yours. “I’ll get you there, okay?”

“Okay,” you nod, fiddling with the bag. You’ve never seen Jungkook look so worried and you hate that you’re the reason why. It’s why you had lied to him in the first place because you knew he would do this. You start doing mental math in your head, wondering how long it would take to pay him off. You don’t even know what the ballpark figure is because going to the doctor has always been out of the question for you. It shouldn’t be too much, you hum. Except… it is.

Appendicitis. That’s what they say you have. You’re going to need surgery they say, and you freeze.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes ma’am. There is no alternative.”

“What if I don’t get the appendectomy done?”

“Well, then your appendix might rupture, and septicaemia might occur. Your body could go into septic shock and in the worst-case scenario, death may occur.”

“Oh… How much will it cost again?”

“About thirty-thousand dol—”

“Thirty thous— oh my god. Wait, can you give me a few minutes to think about it?”

“Y/N, this is ridiculous!” Jungkook scolds. “Just get the surgery.”

“I don’t have insurance,” You hiss.

You watch as the faces of the doctor and nurses pale. One of them scans your admission form and frowns at the address written on it, instantly recognizing your postcode.

“Perhaps you would like to transfer to a different hospital then? North Court Hospital just a few minutes from here is a hospital that suits your… kind better.”

It’s not really a question, the way the nurse had said it. It was more like a statement and at that you nod meekly.

“Y-yeah, I think we’ll do tha—”

“It’s illegal for a hospital to refuse treatment to their patients,” Jungkook glowers. “How dare you—”

“The law does not apply to southerners.”

“Jungkook,” You mumble, moving to climb out of the bed. “Let’s not make this a bigger deal than it—”

“This is insane. You know there’s a possibility of death if you don’t treat her and you’re refusing to do so because of where she’s from?” Jungkook growls, fists clenched. “What kind of doctor are you?”

The doctor snorts, shaking his head.

“Listen here, scum. I’d watch that tone if I were you,” He cautions. “All you Southies with your fucking attitude. The fact that any of you think you even deserve our time at all is simply nauseating.”

Jungkook has his fists clenched, his jaw taut and you panic, not wanting to cause any more of a scene than this whole debacle already has.

“No, you listen here, asshole,” Jungkook warns and you tug at his arm to get him to stop but he ignores you. “I’ll be paying for the surgery in full right after it’s over so don’t worry about that. Heck, you can have my credit card right now,” He snaps, digging his card out of his wallet to show it.

Jungkook pulling out his sleek, matte black credit card is almost like something out of a movie and you have to stifle a laugh at the sight. When the nurse reaches out to inspect it, you watch as his face crumples in fear after seeing the name printed on it. One by one, instant regret sweeps across each of their faces and it’s a sight to behold, one you don’t think you’ll ever forget.

“Ah, Mr. Jeon… i-it seems like there has been a uhh misunderstanding,” The doctor mumbles before clearing his throat. “We will attend to her right away.”

“Good,” He hums.

“We will be back to prepare you for the surgery in a second, miss,” One of the nurses addresses you and you nod.

When they leave the room, you laugh despite the pain in your abdomen and Jungkook scowls. You give him three slow claps, shaking your head as if you had seen an Oscar worthy performance.

“That was impressive,” You smile. “Did you see their faces when they saw you pull out your all black limitless card? And then when they saw your name, they looked like they were just about to piss themselves,” You snort, laughing.

“Well, serves them right,” He huffs. “Absolute dickwads.”

“You don’t think the doctor will ‘accidentally’ mess up the surgery and kill me on the table as revenge, do you?”

“Don’t joke like that,” Jungkook frowns and you simply laugh.

“Hey, Jungkook,” You mumble. “I know you got all pissed because of what he was saying to you and in the heat of the moment you said you would pay but… it’s thirty thousand dollars and if you uhh regret what you said—”

“Y/N, you’re getting the surgery. That’s final.”

“O-okay… but I’ll pay you back! By instalments…” You mumble. “It’ll take a while, but I promise—”

“You remember our deal, right? I’m supposed to pay for everything when we’re together.”

“Yes, but that’s different. That’s only when we’re out having a meal or whatever.”

“No, I never stipulated that in the contract.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be stipulated. It’s common sense,” You sigh. “Jungkook, it’s thirty thousand dollars. It’s not chump change.”

Jungkook sighs fiddling with his phone for a second before he shows you his screen, the PDF of the contract pulled up with one sentence highlighted.

All expenses will be paid for by Jeon Jungkook when both parties are present during an arranged meet-up.

“Yes, exactly my point! It has to be an arranged meet-up!”

“It is an arranged meet-up,” He smiles. “I said we’re going to the doctor’s and you said yes.”

“I didn’t say yes.”

“You did,” He exhales. “In the car I said, I’ll get you there okay? and you said, okay which is the equivalent of a yes. Thus, you agreed to this arranged meet-up.”

“Jungkook, this is ridiculous. I’m not going to let you pay.”

“You know, you never listen to me,” He grumbles. “Actually, you breach this very same rule every time you pay for donuts. So, this is payback.”

“The donuts are worth peanuts compared to this! It doesn’t even come close to a quarter of the bill!” You yell.

“Well, you can keep buying me donuts until you reach the equivalent amount then! That’s your installment plan.”

“It’ll take years!”

“It’s either that or nothing at all.”

“Fine,” You frown, and he smiles patting you on the head before he takes a seat on the chair next to your bed. “But just so you know, this is absolutely ridiculous. This isn’t a meet-up. Aren’t the meet-ups supposed to be date-like activities? That’s what your contract says.”

“Yes, this is a meet-up. I’ve always wanted to have a hospital date,” He smiles. “It’s romantic don’t you think?” He grins, holding your hand in his.

“Now you’re just teasing me,” You grumble, pulling your hand out of his as you sulk. Jungkook simply laughs, looking at you with an endearing smile.

While you scowl at him, the nurses shuffle in to prepare you for the surgery and Jungkook is called out to the counter to address issues with the admission form.

“The patient did not list an emergency contact. Do you know anyone she would like to list? Perhaps her parents or siblings?”

“Umm, I’ll ask her in a moment but for now I’ll just list myself as one of the contacts.”

The nurse nods, handing Jungkook a pen to fill up the section of the form. After filling the details, he gazes at the form looking through the information.

First Name: Y/N

Last Name: Lee

Huh, so that’s your last name… You’ve always avoided telling him what it was, always hiding your identity card from him which he’s always found a little suspicious. You had said that the picture you had on your card was horrible and that your last name was embarrassing, that it didn’t suit you and he never understood what that could possibly mean. What was wrong with the name Lee anyway?

“Excuse me,” Jungkook mumbles, addressing the nurse behind the counter. “Is Lee her official last name?” He asks.

“Yes, the last name given matches the last name on the identity card database,” The nurse answers. “Is there a problem?”

“No, no,” He shakes his head. “I’m just double checking,” He mumbles before he says his thanks and returns to the room.

When Jungkook slips into the room, you’re nodding at the nurses while they tell you that they will be back shortly. As he steps closer to you, he realizes you look visibly shaken and he begins to worry.

“What’s wrong? Did they hurt you? Did they do something to you?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s—”

“Oh, is it the drip?” He says after noticing the tube connected to you. “This is just the way they administer the anaesthesia.”

“No, I mean this is fine, b-but they did something alright.”

“What?”

“Th-they shaved me,” You mumble.

“Shaved you?”

“Shaved my pubes,” You whisper. “Do you think they did it just to make me uncomfortable?”

“What? No,” He laughs. “It’s just standard practice I guess because the incision point is close to the area.”

“Oh, okay,” You murmur. “I’ve never had to do this before okay? I’ve never been to a hospital, I’ve never seen a real doctor. I’m just a little… nervous.”

“Hey, I’m right here,” Jungkook smiles. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“You’re here,” You nod, repeating after him and Jungkook finds it oddly adorable.

“Oh, um by the way the nurse asked about your emergency contact section. Do you want to put anyone on there?”

“No…”

“You sure? Maybe you could put your mum’s details down. Just in case anything happens.”

“No, I uhh don’t want to trouble her.”

“Okay, what about your dad?”

It’s a question he asks for selfish reasons. It’s just that you’ve only ever mentioned him in passing... and perhaps that’s because you don’t have very fond memories of him, he assumes.

“No, no no. It’s fine.”

“Alright… you sure? You don’t want anyone on there? Not even Wendy?”

“I mean… it’s a relatively safe procedure, right? Nothing’s going to happen so just leave it blank. I don’t want to trouble anyone.”

“Well, yeah, but every surgery comes with a risk… even if it’s a small one. Anyway, it’s fine. I put my name down,” He smiles. “I’ll be here though so it doesn’t really matter,” He laughs, sinking down onto the chair.

“No, you should go. It’s late and you have to work tomorrow.”

“It’s fine. It’ll be quick anyway… Plus I did say I would pay right after the surgery.”

“I’m sure they won’t mind you paying tomorrow since you’re the Jeon Jungkook after all,” You snort. “Why didn’t you use that line? The ‘do you even know who I am?’ line. It was the perfect chance!”

“I hate that line,” He scrunches his nose. “I don’t really like flaunting my name and well… the power that comes with it, but they were being really shitty.”

“You know I always assumed you had celebrity status in the North. That people would instantly recognise you and bow at you or whatever.”

“No,” He chuckles. “I’m rarely in the news or magazines. My mother has always made sure of that.”

“I guess that’s nice then that you have that anonymity to a certain extent.”

“Yeah, on a day to day basis I guess but if we’re at some high flung gala or event, they almost always know who I am.”

You nod, feeling a little light-headed.

“This thing’s really getting to me,” You mumble, pointing at the drip bag.

“Yeah? Don’t worry, it just means they’ll be wheeling you in soon enough.”

“I’m actually… a little scared,” You admit. “I-I won’t feel anything, right?”

“Wow, you’re okay with gangs, being held at knife point and all of that but you’re scared of this?”

“Shut up,” You mumble.

You don’t tell him but yes, both doctors and surgeries scare you. Always did ever since you were a kid. It was never really a pretty sight whenever you saw a doctor in your home... and the screaming... you shudder every time you think about it.

“I’m here, you big baby. Don’t worry, it’s going to be fine,” He smiles, holding your hand. You hum at that squeezing his hand in return.

Holding your hand shouldn’t be a big deal. The gesture after all is meant to reassure you that you had nothing to worry about. It’s platonic, with no other meaning tied to it but the only thing Jungkook can think of is how naturally your hand fits in his. Of course, it’s technically all in his head because he wouldn’t be able to pick out your hand in a blindfolded test but… it just felt nice. He looks down to where your hands are linked, cherishing the moment when he sees something on your wrist that piques his interest.

Three small dots.

They form a triangle and— oh, your former gang! The Trinity! Jungkook smiles, patting himself on the back mentally because isn’t he a genius for figuring that one out? It’s odd though… didn’t you say the official insignia for your gang was a triangle? Why would you get only 3 dots and why would you hide it from him? He’s never seen it before, he’s pretty sure, but you did have a habit of rubbing your thumb over that spot from time to time. Well, that and tugging at your earlobes whenever you were nervous. It feels like his mind is playing tricks on him because he’s very sure that the tattoo wasn’t there the last time he saw you. He’s not obsessed with your wrist or anything, but he’s seen you rub at that same spot before, many times over and there was always nothing. It was a nervous tic you had, one he had always meant to ask about. It’s a question he would have to reserve for next time because soon enough the nurses are wheeling you off to the operation room. You simply turn to wave at him, smiling as you said see you later. The anaesthesia surely had gotten to you by then. There wasn’t an ounce of fear on your face.

When you awake, there’s a dull ache in your abdomen area but it’s much better than what you had been feeling just a few hours ago. You peek under your gown to find a dressing pad taped to the area and you sigh, wondering if the scar would be noticeable. Turning to your side, you find the chair empty, but you see a little note on your bedside table with a teddy bear next to it.

Y/N,

I waited a while but it didn’t seem like you were going to wake up anytime soon. The doctor says the surgery went well and that you can leave tomorrow. I have an early meeting to get to, so I’ve gone home to get some shut eye. I’m sorry ): I’ll come pick you up after my meeting though! In the meantime, your new friend which I got at the gift store downstairs can keep you company.

P.S: press his hand for some relaxing tunes

You reach for the teddy bear, pressing the paw that’s painted bright red with the words Press Me! stitched onto it. You click on the paw, waiting to hear something but all you hear is static before a Oh, wait... is this thing on already? Crap. You laugh, shaking your head but then you hear the instrumental playing in the background, and you laugh even harder. Soon enough, the classic melody starts playing and you’re snorting to yourself in your bed. Of course of all songs, he had chosen a meme song.

Shooting Stars is a song you and Jungkook had first heard in Mr. Kang’s donut store. It had been perhaps the fourth visit to the store. You remember the both of you standing in the middle of the store trying to search up the song because it had such a catchy tune. After saving the details of the song on your phone, like the free spirit that you are, you break out into a tiny dance, prompting Mr. Kang to join you from behind the counter and he obliges, laughing as Jungkook recorded all of it. You still have to get him to delete that, you laugh. Anyway, weeks later, you started seeing these hilarious meme videos with the tune playing in the background. Then, while you’re catching up with Jungkook over donuts, he shows you a compilation video of the meme and says: Isn’t this our song??? And so that’s what the song is. Our song, you hum. Of course only you and Jungkook would pick a meme song to be the soundtrack of your friendship.

The nurse must think you’re out of your mind because she’s giving you a look that borders on fear and disgust as she watches you sing along to the song playing from the bear. You debate explaining to her why you’re laughing at a mere song but you decide against it. Though patients are usually advised to stay overnight, she gives you the all clear to leave when you ask. Considering Jungkook has already paid for everything and was no longer in the vicinity, they didn’t have to be nice to you anymore. You’re unbothered though and you say your thanks before you simply slip back into your clothes and grab a cab back to your place.

You see Jungkook later that night and he’s obviously angry at you… that you already know because he called you in the midday after getting to the hospital only to find out that you’ve already left. You had a game plan though. You make him meet you at his favourite noodle store and after a bowl of rich curry noodles, he seems to have calmed down considerably… or perhaps he was just too busy sweating, gulping down his drink in an attempt to quell the fire that the curry had left behind in his mouth. Next, when you get to the donut store, you make sure to buy more of the custard filled donuts than usual but ah, you should’ve known that unlike you, Jungkook can’t be bought with food.

“Why did you go to work today? Why didn’t you just rest?” He questions.

“I-I didn’t go to work…”

“You did. I could hear your walkie-talkie going off in the background when I called you, Y/N.”

“Okay, fine, I did,” You grumble. “I already missed two days of work, okay? I can’t afford to miss any more.”

“I-Is it the money? I already told you I can help, Y/N,” Jungkook sighs. “You have to stop returning the excess money,” He frowns.

Jungkook has been trying to pay you more than he should be and it frustrates you. You only want what he had agreed to pay you. Sometimes, you find that he pays you double, even triple the amount and no matter how tempting it is to take the money… you always return it, hiding it in the glove box, under the seat, stuffing it back into his wallet when he’s in the washroom.

“I don’t want… handouts.”

“Are you really in the position to refuse it though? If you keep working like this, you’re going to—”

“I’ll make it work,” You huff. “I… I don’t want to hear any more about this, okay?”

“Fine,” He huffs. “Just know that all you have to do is ask.”

Jungkook is too nice for his own good. He trusts you far too much. He’s naïve. With the way that he is, he would end up donating his fortune away if he stopped to talk to everyone in the South. Everyone here had what someone would call a sob story. Why did he want to help you so badly, anyway? Didn’t he think it was odd that it was hard for you to make ends meet even with two jobs and the money you get from being his sugar baby?

“By the way,” Jungkook mumbles, softly pulling your hand towards him. He frowns when he looks at your wrist to find it blank. “I swear it was on this one,” He murmurs as he grabs your other hand, twisting it to find nothing there too.

“Oh, you mean my tattoo?”

“Y-yeah. You have one, right? I saw it at the hospital, and I thought I was hallucinating.”

“It’s here,” You smile pointing at your inner right wrist and Jungkook furrows his eyebrows because there’s nothing there. “I use make-up to cover it up.”

“Why?”

“Habit, I guess,” You shrug. “It’s a gang-related thing and you know how it is in the North. I hid it when I was in college because I didn’t want to freak people out… and well, I don’t really have a reason to hide it anymore but it’s just a habit now.”

“But, no one in the North actually knows much about the gangs. I’m sure they would’ve thought it was some minimalist tattoo you decided to get.”

“I guess,” You exhale, sighing. “I was just a little paranoid about it all, I guess. Didn’t want anything that would make me stand out or whatever.”

“Why three dots instead of a triangle though?”

“Hmm?”

“You said The Trinity’s insignia was a triangle.”

“Oh, r-right,” You hum. “Well, I didn’t want a tattoo at all to begin with and I’m a bit of a baby when it comes to needles, so they let me get away with three dots.”

“You have the weirdest fears,” Jungkook laughs. “I mean, they’re valid, but like in comparison to all the things you’ve seen… I just find it weird that you’re afraid of needles but not guns and knives.”

“What can I say? I like being unique,” You smile, thumb rubbing at your inner wrist.

The short well… interrogation that Jungkook had subjected you to has you feeling nervous. It’s over now but you’re surprised by how much he actually remembers. All those stories you told, you had thought he was barely listening, but he remembers all the little details. You shouldn’t be surprised, he’s done it quite a few times, mentioning random facts that you had said in passing and yet, it catches you off guard every time. It’s okay, you mumble. You had it under control. All your stories are in line, you had made sure of that. But, isn’t it time you start letting people in? How long can you go on keeping all these secrets? Those were questions you didn’t want to answer. Your heart is still thudding against your chest, palms slightly sweaty and maybe that’s why you say what you do next.

“You want to get a drink? You said you wanted to know how we live it up in the South.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea? I mean you just got out of surgery… yest— well technically, today.”

“Guess you’ll have to drink for two then,” You smile. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

You don’t even let him answer as you stuff the last donut in your mouth before you take him by the hand and drag him down the street.

One drink. You said you only wanted one drink and turns out one is all that you need. Wendy wasn’t joking because you really are a light-weight. All it took was one soju bomb and that pout has already appeared. It’s the same one you had on at the bar when you begged him to buy shots. It’s the same one that almost made him cave even when he knew you were way past drunk. It’s just… how could he say no to that? You whine, pout on full display as you beg him to share a scallion pancake with you. He has his phone out to record the whole ordeal and you grumble, pawing at it so that he would put it away. Although he doesn’t give you a verbal yes, you order it anyway because the tipsy version of you seems to be more perceptive than the sober version of you. Tipsy you had Jungkook all figured out it seems. Tipsy you knows that Jungkook can’t really say no to you. He laughs, reaching over to ruffle your hair as you smile up at him.

How Jungkook’s never been here is honestly a wonder but then again is it really? You had walked him through a series of dodgy alleyways only to come to a mysterious door. It was like those speakeasy bars they had in the North but instead of a fake door front, the actual entrance to the bar was just ominous looking for no reason. It wasn’t for the aesthetics; the bar owner just couldn’t be bothered to put in the money to make it look inviting.

After stepping into the bar, the two of you had been greeted by an elder man seemingly unbothered, only giving a simple grunt which Jungkook assumed must’ve been his way of saying welcome. The place was poorly lit, paint was peeling off the walls but you didn’t seem bothered one bit. In fact, you seemed rather excited. The establishment resembled what Jungkook would think a brothel would look like with private rooms separated only by screen doors. Truth be told, he was trembling a little when the staff led both you and him down the dark hallway to your own room. You had laughed at the fear that was present on Jungkook’s features but you had reassured him that the food would change his mind. And that it did. Spicy rice cakes with ramen? A combo he hadn’t tried before but boy was he glad he did. As the food started to fill up the table, so did the drinks. You’d set up these drinks for him, making him slam his fists on the table so that his soju glass, delicately balanced on a pair of chopsticks atop his glass of beer, would fall in. It seemed like you never ran out of these intricate set ups and he was in awe with how the North hadn’t discovered any of this yet. You northerners are too busy being posh that you’ve forgotten how to have fun, you had said, and he had only sneered in response because well, to some extent, that was true.

It had been quite some time since Jungkook had enjoyed the prospect of drinking. It was odd that he was having so much fun when there was only you and him in the room. He was always under the impression that he needed a large group of friends for a night of drinking to be even remotely tolerable but you, you’re a one man show. From the fancy drinks you were making him, to the odd games you make him to play, to your choice of food, he didn’t need anyone but you in the room. You move from one topic to the next with ease and he wonders why nights out with his friends couldn’t be like this. Perhaps when it’s just him, Yoongi and Taehyung having a relaxing night out, it came close to this, but otherwise, there was nothing like it.

You barely need Jungkook’s help to finish the scallion pancake. In fact, the boy only had one piece. The food at this bar is your kryptonite… well, food in general is but it’s been far too long since you’ve been to this place. You and Wendy used to frequent this place so much that you could memorize the posters hanging inside each room. They’re still the same, you note. This bar is timeless, never-changing. Even the menu was exactly the same. You liked that though.

“Wendy and I used to come here to celebrate anything and everything,” You smile. “We haven’t been here for months though.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know… It’s harder to find time for these things when I have to work,” You mumble. “Do you have a place like this? Like your old haunt or whatever it is you posh northerners say.”

“Literally no one says that in the North,” Jungkook snorts, his speech slightly slurred from all the alcohol he’s drank. “But… yeah, I guess. Yoongi, Tae and I hang out at Tae’s place all the time. He has an insane view of the city from his penthouse and there’s this amazing takeout place just across, so we always get food from there.”

“Cute,” You smile. “The three of you are inseparable.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s because— and I know how elitist this is going to sound but, it’s because it’s hard to find people who can understand our plight,” He mumbles, and you let out a quiet laugh which garners a playful scowl from him. “There’s just so much pressure in being you know… us. We’re always being watched, being judged, so it’s nice to have each other because when we’re together, we don’t really have to worry about all of that. We can bitch about whatever we want without worrying that we’re flaunting or whatever.”

“Yeah, I get that. Even if I guess I don’t understand your plight,” You say with air quotes and he simply rolls his eyes at you. “It’s nice to have friends that you grew up with and struggled with. Friends you can always count on.”

He nods at that. “Well I’m sure you had friends like that growing up. None of them moved out here to the big city?”

“Oh, I never stayed in one place long enough to have friends like that,” You laugh. “I have Wendy though. She’s like family to me,” You smile. Although, there are many things that you’ve kept from her too. Perhaps you understand what Jungkook meant to some degree because your plight is one nobody would understand.

“Family. That’s sweet,” He murmurs, resting his head in his palm, arm propped up by his elbow. “So what about me then? What am I to you?” He questions, leaning closer, his cheeks tinged red from the alcohol. Jungkook surely has had a few too many glasses of soju, you snort to yourself.

“Hmm?” He hums again, prompting you to answer his question and you lick your lips.

The question had caught you off guard and you hesitate for a second, not knowing what to say. You know Jungkook is enjoying this, the smirk on his lips tells you as much but oh, two can play this game.

“Hmm… you? Well, we’re soulmates, aren’t we?” You answer easily. “I thought you knew this already,” You continue with an expression that’s blank and cool, as if you’re simply stating a fact. The statement leaves Jungkook stunned, his eyes wide because you’ve never said it yourself first but then he sees you smile, trying hard not to laugh.

“My, you looked worried there,” You grin, devilishly so. “You’re the one that gave us the title though.”

Jungkook scowls at you, picking up some leftover lettuce on the table to throw at you.

“I just needed time to process what you were saying. I had a long day,” He mumbles, watching you pick up the lettuce stuck to your shirt. “But, yes, we’re soulmates,” He nods, laughing lightly as he attempts to dodge the same soggy vegetable that you’re trying to throw back at him.

“Only the rich would ever disrespect food like this,” You huff, shaking your head disapprovingly as you place the lettuce on your plate.

“Yeah, yeah, says the one who was trying to toss it right back at me.”

“You know you’re lucky you’re rich and cute so, I’m just going to let that one slip,” You huff, standing up to open the screen door. “Anyway, let’s go? I have to be at the port at 5 and I want at least 5 hours of sleep.”

“S-sure.”

Cute? How is it that you always say things like that so nonchalantly? Unfair, utterly unfair.

Jungkook must’ve been standing there in the middle of the hallway, looking all dazed and unsure which you probably mistook for fear because you’re storming up to him, holding him by his hand to lead him to the exit.

“It’s not that scary, you big baby,” You laugh. “We’ve been in far scarier situations.”

He only hums, letting you tug him along because wow, your hand is so warm and… nice. He’s held your hand 3 times now in the last 24 hours. He likes that. Was it weird to keep count? When did he become this soft? Doesn’t matter… it’s not like you’ll ever know about it. Damn. He shouldn’t have let you order that many bottles of soju. He didn’t think you were serious about making him drink for two.

Jungkook’s pretty much in his own world, lost in his thoughts until he feels your hand slip away from his to dig into your purse.

“Wait, no,” Jungkook frowns. “I’m supposed to pay.”

“Please, I owe you thirty thousand dollars. Let me pay.”

“No. We agreed you’ll only be paying with donuts.”

“Jungkook—”

The elderly man at the counter lets out an annoyed grunt and you apologize, hastily grabbing notes out of your wallet to place on the counter. Jungkook swipes it the moment you put it down, replacing it with his money instead and you frown.

“Let me pay,” You whine as you attempt to snatch your cash away from him but, it’s too late. Jungkook is already pocketing his change.

“Donuts only,” He grunts, placing your cash and wallet back into your purse for you before he grabs your hand and leads you out the door.

“You’re so stubborn when you’re drunk,” You huff.

“You’re stubborn,” He grumbles in return. “Also, I’m not drunk... Just slightly light-headed.”

“You’re tripping over your feet like every 5 steps.”

“That’s because you’re walking so fast,” He frowns as he attempts to get you to slow down.

“I don’t know maybe it’s because I don’t want to get shanked in this alleyway.”

The sentence makes Jungkook jump slightly and he walks faster to match your pace. You laugh at that because the boy was far too gullible. Maybe all your stories about the South had made the place seem a lot scarier than it really is.

“I’m just joking,” You laugh, squeezing his hand. “This area’s pretty alright.”

“I hate when you do that,” He frowns. You only smile in return because it was fun to tease him.

“By the way, you’re such a liar,” You say. “If you’re already this tipsy from just a few soju bombs, I highly doubt you can down 10 tequila shots in a row and still be standing.”

“I can and I’ll show you. Name the time and place.”

“Wow, no need to get defensive now,” You laugh. “You just—”

“Shit,” Jungkook mumbles as he stands in front of his car.

“What?” You query, looking at the vehicle. All the tires were still there, so were his mirrors.

“I can’t drive.”

“Well, okay you didn’t have that much to drink. You’ll be below the 0.08%... maybe... anyway I’m sure the cops will let you pass,” You mumble. Paying off the cops to get out of a DUI is nothing new. In fact it’s the norm. “You can still—”

“No, I can’t do it,” He mumbles. “My fath— No… I’ll just sit here until I sober up,” He hums, taking a seat on the curb.

Oh… Oh right. How could you have even suggested that? Idiot. You’re a bona fide idiot.

You remember seeing the news. You were still young then, but it was all anyone was talking about.

We’re standing at the spot where just last night a car veered off the road and plunged into the river right here in the province of—

Two bodies have been found, both middle-aged men who—

The driver is said to have been under the influence at the time. His blood alcohol levels though not high—

Mr. Jeon, aged 38, the heir to Jeon Logistics leaves behind a wife and a son, only aged—

As Jungkook attended the funeral of his father that week, you attended a funeral too, your eyes swollen from crying even days after the accident. Just as his world fell apart that week, so did yours. That was the week your mother had decided enough was enough.

“I can drive,” You offer. “The last drink I had was more than 2 hours ago.”

“It’s fine… You’ll have to come back to the South and—”

“Come on,” You mumble, swiping the keys out of his hand. “Or I’ll just leave without you.”

Jungkook sighs, scrambling to his feet when he hears you start the engine.

The drive is quiet aside from Jungkook giving you directions from time to time and you feel… bad because he’s only this quiet because of you.

Jungkook has never once mentioned his father, even if he probably knows that you know the story. There probably isn’t anyone who didn’t know about it. For 2 whole weeks, his father’s face was plastered in the newspaper, in TV screens. The police bounced back between claiming there might be foul play involved, to ruling it out completely. There were rumours of tampered evidence and then there was confirmation that the evidence has been left untouched. Everyone was watching, the whole nation wanting to know the series of events that led to the accident. It was anti-climatic in the end. The road had been wet from an earlier downpour. That, coupled with the fact that the driver had some alcohol, had probably led to the accident, said the investigators. Case closed.

He had been so young then and you cannot imagine what it must’ve felt like to lose a parent and have to deal with the media constantly scrutinizing everything. He probably didn’t get time to grieve and if he did, it was on display for the whole public to see. You mean to say sorry, sorry that you made him inadvertently bring it up but you’re not sure if you should mention it at all. In any case, you run out of time because you’re already pulling into his parking bay.

“Wow,” You gasp as you stand at the lift lobby. The floors and walls were lined with marble tiles and you smooth your hand over the surface. “This place is really fancy.”

“You should see Tae’s place,” Jungkook laughs.

“Do you live on the penthouse floor too?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, of course you do.”

“Why? Do you want to see it?”

“C-can I? I mean I’d love to only if you umm don’t mind… I guess.”

“Of course you can,” He chuckles. “I’ll call concierge to get you a taxi from the unit too.”

Concierge? Wow. So this is how the rich live.

Everything about the place screamed fancy. From the lobby, to the lift and of course Jungkook’s unit itself. Everything was opulent, grandeur. Well, to be fair Jungkook’s unit was a little on the minimalistic side but it still looked expensive. You think it had a lot to do with the grand piano sitting in the middle of the living room. Either way, it’s been a while since you’ve seen anything like Jungkook’s house. The only thing that could come close were the houses the gang bosses lived in.

“The view is amazing,” You breathe, nose almost touching the large glass window. You’ve always seen the city from the South and it’s stunning even from there but this was a different kind of view. You don’t think you’ve been in a building so tall. It was odd seeing the city from within the city.

“Taehyung’s view must be crazy good if all of you choose to hang out in his place over yours.”

“Oh, it’s about the same,” He smiles. “He lives over there,” Jungkook points to an equally as tall building. “But he loves having guests over and I don’t… well not anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” He sighs. “Sometimes things get out of hand… Like you see this car collection I have—” He pulls you towards a room, his room you assume, and shows you a fancy looking large glass case.

You had expected those all metal, collector’s edition cars but inside the case, you just find multiple average looking tiny toy cars. In fact, you think you used to own a few of them. They had given them out for a limited time at the gas station as part of a promotion.

“Yeah, yeah. Everyone gives me the same look,” He grumbles, noting your confused expression. “It’s just my dad and I used to collect them and we— well, I had all 100 of them… until I didn’t.”

Jungkook had thrown a party a year ago. First it was a few friends but then those friends started inviting their friends and suddenly it was a full on rager. It was all fine and dandy. Jungkook didn’t mind as long as it was still in control, but then he would constantly hear amused cheering from his room and then distant shouting from the streets below. Weird. He ignored it the first few times but after the third time, he slips away from the couch to his room to see what the commotion was about. 5 minutes and a screaming match later, his apartment was empty. Yoongi and Taehyung had never seen Jungkook so angry before and it’s safe to say they never want to ever see him that angry again.

He had 100 cars in the glass case prior to the party and after that, he was only left with 95. Apparently, whoever was in his room had thought it would be a grand idea to toss his toy car 20+ stories down. In fact, they found the idea to be so entertaining, they did it 5 times. After that fiasco, Jungkook swore he’d never have a party in his home ever again and a year later, he still hasn’t. He had scoured the streets that very night and the morning after for the toys, but he couldn’t find any of them.

“I managed to find 4 of them… some online, some in thrift stores but this one,” He points to the empty spot, a simple picture of the supposed car in its place. “I just can’t find it anywhere.”

“Have you tried emailing the company that made them?”

“Yeah,” He sighs. “But they stopped making them a long time ago so they said they couldn’t help.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll eventually find it somewhere, someday,” You smile. “This is a nice room though,” You mumble, looking around.

“Yeah it’s my room so it’s the only one I put effort into decorating,” He laughs. “The rest of the rooms, my mother insisted on decorating.”

“Yeah, I can tell you decorated this one. That’s why this is here and not out there,” You smile, pointing to the TV. “It’s how you impress the ladies, huh?”

“W-what? No? I like to game and watch things from the comfort of my bed.”

“Yeah, sure,” You snort. “This right here screams premium Netflix and ch— Wait. Oh my god, this is amazing,” You hum, as you sit on the bed, testing it out. Maybe you should’ve asked first but you’re lying down on it already. “Wow. If I’m ever rich, this will be the first thing I’ll purchase.”

“You can’t. It’s custom made,” He smirks, lying next to you.

“Of course it is,” You shake your head. “I expect nothing less for his majesty.”

“Shut up. I have long legs and the commercial beds, when they come in the right length, it’s the wrong width, so I got a custom-made one.”

“Whatever you say,” You sigh as you snuggle against his sheets. “Anyway, just give me 5 minutes right here and I’ll go grab that cab.”

“Right, sure,” He mumbles. “Oh... about that. Thanks for driving me home. It’s— I just have this irrational fear because— Well, my father… I uhh—”

“Don’t worry about it,” You smile, patting his hand as if to say he didn’t have to tell you why exactly he didn’t want to drive. “It’s not every day I get to drive a Lambo around anyway,” You smile.

“That’s the only reason you agreed, isn’t it?” He grins, laughing lightly.

“Hey, watch it,” You warn. “Next time, I’ll leave you out there in the scary South to fend for yourself.”

“I’ll do just fine.”

“You’re afraid of stray dogs and you jump at any and every noise you hear. I doubt you’ll last 10 minutes out there.”

“I do not jump at every noise,” He grumbles. “And listen, everyone knows the dogs in the South have rabies, okay? Did you see the ones that chased us that one time? They were frothing in the mouth! Even had the crazy eyes.”

“Those were guard dogs… and we were trespassing which is why the chased us,” You laugh. “Also, don’t lie. If you were close enough to see their eyes, I’m pretty sure you would be dead by now.”

“Whatev—”

His phone rings, cutting his sentence short. He points at you, raising his eyebrows as if to say he wasn’t done arguing yet before he fishes his phone out of his pocket. Staring down at the caller ID, he groans before he answers. His voice sounds smooth, peppy, not a hint of annoyance despite how he seemed like he didn’t want to answer the call. You glance at the clock on the wall as he slips out of the room, not wanting you to hear about the intricacies of his business deals, you assume. It was already half past twelve and you wonder if this is what it’s always like for Jungkook considering that he has taken a few calls here and there when the two of you are having late-night donuts. The calls seem to be a more frequent thing as of late and you pity him because you can see the tiredness in his eyes, you can see fatigue in the way his whole body sags when he gets to the bench at your hangout spot. For some reason, it seemed like he was coming to the South to escape but he could never really run from it all, could he? Everyone thinks his life is all roses, but you know it’s far from it. They think he sits in the office with his feet up on the desk, waiting for time to pass but it seems like he never really does get rest. He always has something on his mind, always asking you if he could optimize the truck routes, if he could organize his warehouse space better. You wonder if you should take him to a karaoke lounge the next time the two of you hang out. Screaming out the lyrics to your favourite songs always helps you forget your problems.

It’s been 15 minutes and the call is still going. You really want to leave but you assume it would be rude to when he’s still on the phone. You sigh, letting your eyes flutter close because god, this bed is so nice. It felt like you were being caressed by a cloud. It’s so soft you almost forget the dull ache in your abdomen. It sounds outlandish, like an over exaggeration but it genuinely felt that way. Maybe you only think so because the bed you have back home is lumpy and hard. Humming, you let your hand slide across his sheets, the material feeling soft to your touch. It’s Egyptian cotton isn’t it? Not that you actually know what that means but you know it’s expensive. You don’t know the slightest thing about thread count either but you’re sure it’s high. You know that one. You knew after a certain number, the price was just ridiculous. You find yourself dozing off a few times but you always snap out of it, only to shut your eyes again. 5 minutes, you mumble to yourself. Just five more minutes and you’re leaving... even if Jungkook isn’t done with his call by then.

Jungkook sighs, pocketing his phone after what feels like an eternity. Mr. An was basically slurring on the phone, asking why his promised shipment of timber has yet to be delivered. Jungkook had to reiterate 5 times that it already has, that Mr. An’s staff had already signed off on it. Only then did Mr. An say, why didn’t you say that earlier? Jungkook knew it was odd that his grandfather had given him such an important client to take care of. It’s now that he realizes that his grandfather was tired of these drunken calls.

When he returns to his room, Jungkook is fully determined to continue the argument, picking right where he left off but he finds you completely passed out on his bed. He prods at you, trying to shake you awake because he knows you’ll be mad at him if he didn’t at least try but like the last time when you were asleep in his car, you’re impossible to wake up.

“Cab,” You mumble in your sleep, accompanied with a slew of gibberish.

“Yeah, come on, I’ll get you one,” Jungkook answers as he tries to wake you up, but you grumble curling into yourself, instead. He laughs before sighing, shaking his head because you even scowl in your sleep. Unconsciously, he uses the back of his hand to stroke your cheek, your features instantly relaxing at the gesture. He feels his heart squeeze at that and he knows he shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be lying next to you but it feels nice, safe even being right here.

He doesn’t blame you for falling asleep. You must be exhausted. You had been in the hospital less than 24 hours ago, had your appendix removed and even went to work just hours after. He really wishes you would reward yourself with a break once in a while. If you needed money so badly, why won’t you just let him help you? He had given you a big cheque for a few thousand before, but you had refused that. He has snuck a few extra hundred into the envelope he passes you every week or so but he eventually finds the extra bills in his pocket or car. Anyone in your situation with their head screwed on right would take the money but you… you just didn’t want to. The fact that you let him pay for your surgery at all is a surprise but truthfully, he strong-armed you into letting him anyway. He absolutely abhorred how they treated you at the hospital. It was a look into the reality of your situation, of Southerners in general. How people had so much hate was beyond him.

He exhales, letting his hand drop from your cheeks to play with your fingers instead because damn it, he loves the way your hand feels in his. It’s pathetic, he sighs but… he really likes the little things in relationships. The hand holding, the sneaky kiss on the cheek, the feeling of you in his arms. Well, not that the two of you were in a relationship anyway. He has to keep reminding himself of that. It’s hard to keep that train of thought, especially so when your fingers grip around his softly. He smiles at that, a warmth spreading across his chest when he glances down at his hand, barely enveloped by yours. Against his better judgement, he leans in to kiss you on the forehead, letting his lips linger before he pulls away slowly. He doesn’t want to leave, not yet at least. He doesn’t want to pull his hand away from yours but knowing you, you’d probably have a heart attack, maybe even two if you saw him next to you in the morning. He wonders what that’s like though... waking up next to you, your hands wrapped around him like the last time, him leaning in to kiss your li—  Oh. He shouldn’t be thinking of that. But... still, he wonders, wonders how he even got to this point.

Y/N Lee.

Who would’ve thought a girl he met by chance, in the oddest of places would have him wrapped around her little finger like he was a grade school boy, totally enamoured by his first ever crush. It’s quite the pickle he’s found himself in because, now what? How is he supposed to tell you that all he really wants to do sometimes when you’re sitting on that bench with him is... kiss you? How is he supposed to fight the urge to hold your hand whenever you’re telling him a story with the widest smile on your lips. How does he make you see that even if you don’t open yourself up to anyone at all, maybe... maybe he’s worth letting in. There’s just this warmth that envelops him when he’s around you and it feels comforting to be in your presence, like it was entirely alright to just be him. And that smile, god he’d do anything, say anything, to see it. Ah, but that pout too, it makes him weak in the knees, his heart reduced to a mere puddle whenever he sees it. He knows Yoongi and Taehyung would laugh if they ever found out about the thoughts that are currently swirling around in his mind but what could he say, he’s just a fool who hasn’t met anyone quite like you before.

Time, he hums. In due time, he’ll eventually tell you he likes you or maybe you’ll figure it out, hopefully, because he’s not too good with words. With his finger on the switch and with one last glance, he flicks the lights off and shuts the door quietly. Sighing, he sinks down onto his couch, stretching out as sleepiness washes over him. With a yawn, he lets the thought of you curled up against his chest lull him to sleep. Boy, he really is in a pickle huh?

Your alarm is ringing for perhaps the third time... you can’t really tell because it’s mixing in with the dream you have, playing in the background as if it were a soundtrack. Slowly, you peel your eyes open, reaching into your back pocket where you had left your phone last night. Your hands skim the sheets and—

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This isn’t your room and this most definitely isn’t your bed. You panic as you rise to your feet, quickly grabbing your purse off the table side before you pull open the door. The ruckus you made in his room causes Jungkook to rise sleepily from his spot on the couch. You’re shouting words of apologies, fully intending to make clear how sorry you are but when your eyes dart to the fancy digital clock display, you almost let out a scream. You’re going to be so late for work and given your recent attendance record at work, your boss is not going to be happy.

“I’m so sorry! I’ll call you later to apologize properly!” Is all Jungkook hears you say before you slam his door shut. He can barely keep his eyes open since it is 3 in the morning after all. That’s far too early for anyone to be awake, he mumbles.

You’re practically pacing up and down the sidewalk, trying to stay under the dim streetlight as you wait for your cab. Your boss didn’t seem too happy when you called in to let him know you’ll be a little late today. That was a problem you would atone for once you get to the port. As for the other one… you know, the one where you fell asleep in Jungkook’s bed? Basically, relegating him to the couch in his own home? After he had had paid thirty-thousand dollars for your surgery? You didn’t know how you were going to atone for that one. You’re not sure he’d even pick up your call later. You’re so busy beating yourself up you barely register the sight of a hooded man standing a few steps away from you. It’s only when he speaks that your head perks up, your body freezing in your spot when you hear those words leave his lips. You’d recognize that voice anywhere, recognize that pet name anywhere.

“Hello, Empress,” He smirks, pulling his hood up just so you could see his face. The scar starting just below his eye, stopping right at corner of his lip confirms your worst fear and you back away as he takes a step forward. “Now don’t tell me you don’t recognize me. I know it’s been a while but is that how you greet your family?”

You open your mouth to answer but your throat seizes up and nothing but a whimper leaves your lips. He lifts an eyebrow at you and your eyes widen before you move quickly to bow. 

“Fraternizing with the enemy, I see,” He exhales, head nodding towards Jungkook’s apartment. “Boss would be disappointed. Angry even.”

You haven’t felt fear like this in years. You can barely move, can’t even speak. Every nerve in your body is telling you to run but you’re glued to your spot.

“Don’t worry,” He smiles. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” He winks.

“W-What do you want?” Is all you can muster to ask.

“Oh, nothing in particular.” Yet. But of course he leaves that part out. “Can’t I just see how my favourite niece is doing?”

“How did you find me?”

Your question comes out as barely a whisper and at that he laughs. Ever so timid, his dear niece is.

“Well, I never really lost you in the first place. Never for too long at least,” He smiles, condescendingly so as he steps up to caress your cheek. “You think you and your mum would’ve been safe all this while if it wasn’t for me?”

You don’t want to show him any sign of weakness, but tears are already forming at the corner of your eyes. The sight makes him laugh because aren’t you cute. It didn’t matter how old you are now. You’ll always be a little baby in his eyes. He coos at you, wiping away the tears that fall as you struggle to move out of the grip he has on you.

“Don’t worry, boss doesn’t know... but, nice little province you’ve chosen to hide her in. Enemy territory too...” He mumbles. “Took me a while to find her. Smart little nugget, aren’t you?”

You can barely breathe. You thought your mother was safe. You had taken great care to make sure that she would never be found.

“Why are you scared, Empress? If you think I’m here to bring both you and her back, then you’re mistaken,” He smiles. “There are more pressing matters that I have to deal with... though I must say, I wonder what boss would have to say if he ever saw the two of you again.”

“L-leave my mother alone. She has suffered enough,” You sob and he frowns, using his sleeve to soak up your tears.

“That she has,” He murmurs. “Choices, choices. She had many to make and she made all the wrong ones,” He shakes his head.

“Please. Spare us.” 

You’re practically begging at this point because there’s nothing else you can do. One phone call and life as you knew it would be over.

“From what?” He smiles. “As far as I know, you’re Y/N... Lee. Not of my blood, neither of my interest,” He mumbles as he takes a step back, hand peculiarly grabbing for your arm as he twists it to look at your wrist.

“I can see you’ve tried hard to erase your past. So, Y/N Lee it is,” He hums, frowning as his thumb rubs at the spot your tattoo should be and it is, but the make-up has done a good job of covering it. “Cute little name, isn’t it? L/N just wasn’t working for you anymore huh?”

*Honk*

The sound makes you jump and you quickly pull your hand away to see a cab waiting for you. You glance from the cab to your uncle and he nods toward the cab, as if he was giving you the permission to go ahead. You didn’t need to be told twice. Quickly, you run over, pulling at the door handle in a haste to escape.

“Farewell, Empress.”

That’s the last thing you hear before you shut the door. Your voice is shaking terribly as you tell the driver your address, unsure if any of it was intelligible but he lets out a grunt of assurance and you finally sink in your seat as he pulls away from the curb. With your hands shaking in your lap, you wonder how you’re going to make it through the work day today.

Your uncle laughs as he watches the cab leave, enjoying the look of pure fear on your face. It’s been too long since he’s seen you up close. He’s always been watching from the shadows, always close but not too close. He wonders if he had made himself known far too soon. It was the perfect opportunity though and he couldn’t resist. When else would he ever get you all on your own with no one else in sight?

He whistles an old tune as he strides back to his car, perusing through the gallery on his beloved camera like he always does. There were so many pictures to choose from tonight. He had pictures of you and Jungkook at the noodle store, had a few more of the both of you at the bench, eating donuts. Though he must say, he has many of those already. Those weren’t that interesting, he huffs clicking through the pictures before he smirks. See, now these ones were interesting. He has a few of you and Jungkook going to the bar you love so much and finally the saucy ones of you driving him home and subsequently leaving his house looking haphazard. My, my, now what could’ve happened there? Mrs. Jeon would surely love to see these.

Oh, his sweet niece. Gone are the days where he would seat you in his lap to play peek-a-boo with you. Gone are the days where he would be standing with you in your backyard, teaching you how to slice a throat with utmost precision. He didn’t mean to involve you in this but no, things had unfurled too perfectly for him to ignore this chance. He wanted nothing from you, that much was true but it’s what you could do for him, what he would eventually make you do, that he wanted. Years of keeping tabs on you has finally come to fruition. What he once thought was a useless endeavour would prove to be one that would bring the entire gang to his knees.

Ah, Empress. You don’t seem too fond of the title now, but like it or not, it is your destiny, he believes. You could try running, but in the end, you can never really escape. It’s going to be the coup of the century and you are going to be the centre-piece that unlocks it all... and the best part about all of this? Well, you see he wouldn’t even have to do any of the heavy lifting. You were going to do all the work while he sits back and reaps all the benefits. Ah, bliss. Boss wouldn’t even see him coming. Nobody would. Chaos, he smiles. It was going to be pure chaos and he loved that.

Maybe then, everyone will see just how wrong they were. Maybe then, your mother would see what could’ve been.

You make it to work just barely under 20 minutes late. Your boss is furious, that much you know by the way he basically growls at you. Your side aches and maybe it’s because you ran to the port when the doctor had said to avoid any strenuous physical activity for a few months. That’s the least of your worries though and you struggle to stay focused most of the day. Your mind drifts back to your uncle, to the way he smirked when he talked about knowing where your mother is. You remind yourself to call her later from the payphone. Maybe you should move her somewhere else now. God, why is it that when one bad thing happens, your life tends to descend into chaos? It’s almost as if you were getting punched from every direction possible. You guess your life always has been like that, like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

You can only run away from your past for so long.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Things can only stay secret for so long.

join the tag list here!

A/N: Please don’t drink and drive! Also please don’t bribe the cops!

Ae knee way, tb to when my friends took me to this sketchy af pocha and I was so scared, but the place had bomb af food and super cheap drinks lmao love that place. Too scared to go back without them bc the uncle that owns the place looks like he hates everyone. Genuinely. I love him tho.

Also I wanted to post half of this chapter last week but I think y’all would’ve decked me in the face if I didn’t give more clues as to who hooded mystery dude is!!! I know everything seems random but everything happens for a reason my dudes. Anyway as always, thanks for reading and feedback is always welcome!!! (:

[honeylikewords]

Miguel or Poe trying to plan a birthday surprise for their gf.

Oh, thank you for the prompt! I’ve been just dying to write some cute Oscar-boy stuff (and it’s Oscar’s birthday today, too, as of yesterday!), and today’s been stressful, too, so this will be a good calm-down. I’ll write a little something for both boys!

Poe:

Poe’s big plan is a surprise party. All her friends, all of his (or, at least, the group of his friends that she gets along with), family, and their pets, if he can swing it. Anyone and everyone to celebrate his little love! After all, Poe’s a big fan of pulling out all the stops and making a big deal of his beloved, wanting everyone to admire her and see how wonderful she is.

He’s actually quite the clever little tactician, managing to take his sweetheart out for a full day of activities that don’t exhaust her but keep her sufficiently busy so that their apartment can be opened up by Finn (with a copy of Poe’s key), letting the guests in to set up the apartment with decorations and food and gifts, getting everything in order before the guest of honor (and her man) come home.

Poe keeps her distracted all day long, and at some point he almost starts to forget about the party; just spending the day with her on her birthday is a celebration in and of itself. He accompanies her as she mills around shops and explores the city, laughing with her, gawking at overpriced goods with her (“They want fifty for this?,” he hisses, holding up a neon lamp in a hipster boutique. “I could make us one for five!”), offering to buy her things here and there that she always politely refuses.

“You gotta let me spoil you, baby,” he coos as he places his hand on the small of her back, doing his best approximation of a puppydog pout. It’s a very, very good pout. “Your birthday comes but once a year!”

“And you always try to drag it out into a week-long thing,” she replies, “And you give me all these gifts, and it’s very, very sweet, but I don’t want you going out of your way for me! It’s not necessary to make a big fuss over me!”

“Starlight, I go out of my way for you because it’s a good thing to do for someone you love.” Poe slips his hand around hers and squeezes, meeting her gaze with firm but loving eyes. “I don’t want to overdo it, because doing too much might end up making you unhappy, but doing something to show you that you matter to me? That I care about you? That, for you, I’d go to the ends of the universe and back just on a whim of yours? Well, you know,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss her temple, “I think that’s necessary. Because I wanna show you, the world, and myself just how much I love you.”

“Aw, sweetheart!–”

“And that is why I am buying you this, right now,” Poe announces as he grabs an oversized plush of a marshmallow Peep bunny down from the shelf– she’d been admiring it earlier, making that sad little face Poe notices she always makes when she can’t justify to herself buying something she likes– and makes a break for the counter. 

“I AM DOING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!,” he yells behind him as he runs. She reaches a hand out to stop him, to call and tell him to not waste his money, but he’s already out of range and headed straight to the register.

As they’re walking out of the store (Poe’s arms viced around the gigantic yellow bunny-shaped stuffie, making it hard for him to walk without periodically leering his head around the side of the Peep’s enormous ears), she brushes her fingers along his forearm, a quiet, intimate gesture. 

“Poe?”

“Yeah?” His voice is slightly muffled by the Peep.

“…I love you very much, and I appreciate everything you do for me.”

“C’mere,” he smiles, sticking his head out from behind the Peep and puckering his lips, making his dearest smile as she leans in to kiss him. “I love you, darling, to the galaxy’s edge and back. Further, even! To the edge of the physical realm and back! To the void of antimatter and back! To the–”

“I know, baby,” she laughs. “I know.”

When they finally get back home, Poe pretends to struggle to unlock the door.

“What with my hands being rather full,” he grins at her, hoisting the Peep up in his arms. “Would you mind getting it? Keys are in my front pocket.”

She reaches in and finds the keys– while Poe makes comedic little gasps and waggles his eyebrows at her, murmuring “my, my, ma’am, can’t even wait ‘til we’re indoors” before getting shushed firmly– then unlocks the door, swinging it open.

She is then met with a loud chorus of voices, all joyously announcing “SURPRISE!”

As she stands in shock, Poe sets the Peep down and steps up behind her, smiling from ear to ear, the handsome crinkles around his eyes bunched together as he puts his hand against her back and rubs his thumb up and down her spine, absorbing the beauty of her wonderstruck face.

“Happy birthday, princess,” he whispers.

She tosses her arms around him and laughs as the guests all surge forward; it’s a shock, but she’s so grateful for her clever, kind, over-the-top man as she greets her guests, holding his hand and reeling with surprise.

Poe never leaves her side during the whole affair, even as all the guests mill around the apartment and dole out the birthday wishes. He holds her hand and stays near her, watching her with glee as she reacts joyfully to the festivities. When the time comes for the cake’s candles to be lit and the song to be sung, Poe is front and center, leading the chorus, his voice the loudest, strongest, and loveliest.

“Happy birthday, my darling,” he sing-songs, “Ha-a-a-ppy birthday to-o-o-o yo-o-o-o-u!”

She glows in the candlelight, her smile shining warm and bright back at him, and Poe’s heart fills with pride and love, an unmatched adoration. She looks so beautiful when she’s happy, and Poe is thrilled beyond words to have been able to be part of bringing this happiness to fruition. 

Miguel:

Miguel’s birthday surprise is a little less social. Miggy is more of a recluse, more of a private person, so he doesn’t feel up to inviting a huge group of people over and dealing with the headache of a party. Instead, the surprise he plans to bestow on his beloved is this: a trip for just the two of them, away from Nueva York.

It’s not a long trip– the obligations of heroism prevent him from straying too far for too long– but it’s enough to, hopefully, refresh his spirits and show her that he cares about her enough to set aside time for just them.

However, the logistics of planning such a trip means there’s a great deal of secrecy and evasion needed on his part. Miguel tries his best to be subtle, but logging her information for the plane tickets and booking hotels without her noticing is a bit of a feat, sometimes. She can be so darn inquisitive, and he feels bad lying to her, or pretending that he’s not doing something big like this for her.

He wants her to know, but he also doesn’t want to spoil the surprise. He knows she’ll love it (she’s been talking about wanting to get out of the city and visiting the smaller, quieter nature-near towns elsewhere in the country), but still he frets, hoping he’s doing this right. After all, it’s not like he’s had all that much practice celebrating birthdays, whether his own or others; his family life had been far too harsh to allow for birthday joy. But he wants her to have a wonderful, special time with him, and feel the depths of his love, so he buckles down and makes the necessary arrangements.

“That’s funny,” his girlfriend says, hanging up the phone and turning to him, her brow knotted a little, “That was work.”

“Mm? What’d they say?”

“They said that I don’t need to come in next week; something about the office being closed for fumigation.”

“Odd,” Miguel says, trying not to smile at his own cleverness– he’d called in for her and asked for her to have the week off, then asked his beloved’s friend, the receptionist, to tell that fib– then joins her, tangling fingers together.

“But I suppose it’ll be nice to have you all to myself for the week,” he continues, softly petting her cheek and winking at her. “Birthday’s coming up and all, so… perhaps the lovely lady wants a whole week’s worth of festivities?”

“Oh, lord, no,” she snorts, batting his hand playfully. 

“Really,” teases Miguel, “No week-long bacchanalias? No swinging-from-the-chandeliers Gatsby-grade galas? No exorbitant gold and jewel-encrusted tiaras to mark the birthday princess’s passing through the streets?”

“Miggy, come on!”

“I know, I know,” he abates, kissing her cheek. “But at least promise to let me take you to dinner, hmm?”

“Dinner would be a delight,” and she punctuates her sentence with a peck on his lips before sighing and relaxing her head onto his shoulder, swaying with him for a moment.

Miguel puts a hand on her head and strokes along her hair, admiring the texture, the weight, the scent and warmth of her. She cuddles into him, and he kisses her forehead, silently soothing her.

When her birthday finally rolls around, Miguel puts on a nice suit– not overfancy, but still good enough to let her know he considers the occasion upscale– and takes her to dinner at a quiet, higher-end restaurant. They talk over dinner, laughing and sharing stories, anecdotes from the week, memories. As they’re paying the bill, polishing off the last remnants of their plates, Miguel casually mentions that he wants to leave Nueva York, get some fresh air.

“We could go,” she says quietly, moving some garnish around on her empty plate with her fork, hesitant. “I have the week off, you know, and we could just… I dunno, get in the car, go on a road trip? Get a motel, I dunno…”

“Sweetie,” Miguel offers, taking her hand and suppressing a laugh, “I assure you, a motel will not be necessary.”

“Do you… not want to go? It’s okay, it was a silly idea, anyway–”

“Don’t be so hasty,” says Miguel as he reaches into his coat, pulling out an envelope, his smile so wide that his fangs are visible. “I never said I didn’t want to go.”

He places the envelope on the table and nudges his chin at it, a nonverbal cue for her to open it. She looks between him and the envelope, almost as if waiting, but slowly opens it and pulls out its contents.

Two airline tickets and a receipt of reservation at a hotel out in the countryside, far, far from Nueva York. She looks at the names on the tickets: hers and Miguel’s, side by side. She blinks, then looks back at him, her eyes beginning to water.

“Miggy, really?”

“All paid for, set and ready. The plane’s scheduled for tomorrow, if you’re ready.”

“I… I don’t know what to say!”

“A ‘yes’ and ‘let’s rush home to pack bags and then do some birthday canoodling’ would be music to my ears,” Miguel jokes, putting his chin in his hand and grinning at her. “But if it’s a ‘no’, I can get refunded on all of this and buy you something better.”

“Miguel, there couldn’t be anything better than being with you,” she smiles, leaning over the table to kiss him enthusiastically. “Let’s go, let’s get our bags! Oh, I just can’t wait!”

“Me either! A hotel room all to ourselves… think of the mischief we’ll make!”

“Miggy!”

He laughs as they stand from the table and rush to head home, her hand in his, an adventure awaiting them. She seems to gleam with anticipation, her eyes glittering with mirth and impatience, and Miguel’s heart beats fast to see her so gloriously excited. He feels her pull him in for a big kiss as they hail down a taxi to get home, and his eyes fall shut, his thrill rising in his belly.

This may have been a birthday surprise for her, he thinks, but, God, is it as much a gift for himself to be with her like this.

[bluerobokitty]

Just some general Grizavi banter. I adore writing dialogue for these two so much, the way they just seem to naturally play off each other. Sometimes it’s difficult to reel them back in aldjfljadflkfjda

—

“Level Thirty-Two, Stage Six complete. Challenge Mode disengaged.”

Nadia sighed and removed her helmet, a few beads of sweat rolling down her face. Flying the simulator wasn’t like being in the air, even if she wore her flight uniform to make it more real. No matter how many additional complexities they coded into the simulator, it just wasn’t the same as a real MFE-Ares jet.

But it wasn’t like she could take her own jet out for a joyride. She didn’t have that kind of clearance. Test flights were over for today. Everyone had gone home. Her sweet little MFE was in the hangar, recharging the crystal core that powered its alien engine, and won’t be ready until morning even if she could just take it out like a car from the parking lot.

“Something wrong, Rizavi?”

Nadia nearly dropped her helmet when the voice came out of nowhere, and she struggled to keep from faceplanting down the stairs in an attempt to keep a hold on her helmet. “I-I’m fine,” she replied, straightening up and brushing a hand back through her dark hair so casual like. “Why would anything be wrong?”

Griffin quirked an eyebrow as he scrolled through the holographic tablet in his hand. “You were flying very aggressively in this simulation, even for you. You made it through the challenge mode in record time, but you misjudged your barrel roll in stage two that nearly clipped your tail, and in stage four, you banked for too long that would’ve cost you your right wing. And that nosedive — oh wait, no, that’s what you normally do.”

She blinked at him, standing at the foot of the simulator stairs in surprise. “You memorized my flying habits?”

“Everyone’s,” Griffin clarified, turning off the tablet. “As squad leader, it’s my duty to know my pilots’ capabilities, all their strengths, weaknesses, habits. You made a lot of little mistakes throughout the simulation, Rizavi. Mistakes you don’t normally make. You take risks the rest of us don’t, but never to this extent. So that tells me something’s wrong.”

“I’m both touched and a little creeped out,” she said as she brushed past him on her way back to the dorms. “Nothing’s wrong. I just... I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asked, falling in stride next to her.

She smirked. “Worried I’ll keep making those mistakes during tomorrow’s test flights?”

“Yes,” he said, in that annoyingly blunt way of his. “But more importantly, we’ve been a squad for, what, eight months now? So I’m also asking as a friend, not just your squad leader.”

She stifled a giggle. They were friends? Yeah, probably. At this point, after eight months of simulations and drills and flying together, sure. Friends. “Wow, Griffin, you almost sound sweet. If you’re not careful, everyone in the Garrison might think you actually have a heart or something.”

Griffin rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Rizavi. You can divert all you want, but I won’t stop asking you until you tell me.”

“Too bad the rumor that you are as cold-blooded as you are handsome isn’t true,” Nadia muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing~ Anyway, it’s not a big deal. It’s stupid, okay?”

“It doesn’t seem that stupid if it makes you overshoot a low yo-yo back in stage —“

“Did you literally memorize all of my mistakes?”

“It’s literally my job.”

Oooooooooh, what she would give to smack that smartass smirk right off his pretty face. “Okay, Squad Leader. But don’t you dare laugh at me.”

“I never laugh, remember?”

Nadia tried not to smile back and give him the satisfaction, but it pulled at the corners of her mouth anyway. She took a deep breath, fingers drumming along her helmet. “It’s this guy, one of my classmates. Um, I guess I’ve liked him for a little bit ever since I transferred to this Garrison from the East Coast. I was gonna ask him to the Holiday Ball coming up, but his HoloBook profile says he’s going with someone else, some chick from logistics. Already an officer, can you believe that? I had no idea he was even interested in someone else, but I guess it was my fault for assuming his flirting actually meant anything. Stupid, huh?”

“It’s not,” Griffin said quietly.

“Great pep talk, Griffin, thanks. I guess I’m more disappointed that I’ll have to show up without a date. Leif, Kinkade, and you already have dates — “

“I don’t have a date.”

Nadia stopped dead in her tracks, gaping at him. “What? What about your girlfriend?”

Griffin cocked his head, perplexed. “I... I don’t have a girlfriend? I haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time.”

“What about all those rumors in the Garrison gossip chain that you are the most eligible cadet on base, and all the single ladies are clamoring to discover what’s underneath your icy exterior?”

“Uhhhhh...”

“And what about that girl you talking to the other day?? On the video chat, I saw the screen, and she’s like so super pretty. You were laughing about something, and it was so weird, you were smiling and actually looked human for once. And then you told her you loved her before hanging up.”

Griffin stared at her for a long moment, open mouthed before he burst out laughing. “My sister?” He laughed more. “You thought my sister was my girlfriend?”

“Well, excuse me for not realizing you have siblings and that there’s actually more Griffins running around,” Nadia shot back, face heating. “It’s not like you talk about yourself at all.”

He shrugged.

“If you don’t have a girlfriend or a date at all, were you even going to the Garrison Holiday Ball?”

“Sure. It’s a big event. All the brass are going to be there, it would look kinda weird if the MFE squad leader didn’t show up.”

“But you’re still going by yourself?”

“Weeeeell, coincidently, you would also be going by yourself so how about we both go by ourselves together?”

She was about to tell him that what he said didn’t make a lick of sense, but then she realized that Griffin wasn’t quite looking at her then. He was more focused on nothing in particular down the hall, his cheeks slightly tinged with pink. Was he... was he blushing? Was James Griffin being shy?

And this was the moment Nadia started to see a whole new side to her squad leader, and she wasn’t about to let this opportunity of prime blackmail material slip by her. She grinned from ear to ear, and he had every reason to be slightly worried at the mischief sparkling in her golden eyes behind her glasses. “Yeah, why not?” she said, oh so casually, pushing her giddiness back down below her belly where it belonged. “It’s a date.”

[ftmfitnessworld]

My Official Retirement Letter

Greetings, I'm writing this long (pun intended) overdue email to officially announce my retirement from FTM Fitness World. I will send one last email after this to explain the logistics of what it means and to introduce you to the new management team. In this email I want to review my time so far. For some, especially those who normally know me to be a very optimistic person, it might seem dark and gloomy but it's just a realistic way to show you the other side of things. Not for pity but with the hope that the new people who are taking over will be treated with much more grace, dignity and patience as we're going through this transitional period. First, I can never be too proud to say that I've created the first EVER bodybuilding competition event for men of Trans experience. On only year #2, it was on the front page of CNN and dozens of other outlets around the planet in multiple languages. I did it with $0, zero experience... only an idea and amazing people who believed in me and/or the idea. These people include you if you've ever come to an event, donated, liked/shared our pages, volunteered, or participated in any way, shape or form. Now, there are a lot of things that I have to mention that I will take with me moving forward. There were many people who belittled, discouraged or slandered my name since the beginning of this event, and basically it all came down to money. So much so that I wasn't even included in the documentary of my own business. Money was used as a reason to divide and some people used their already preconceived prejudices to believe that I was a bad person instead of trying to get to know me personally. Let's be real. I've always had an entrepreneurship mindset and money has never been impressive to me. I've never had to worry about money until I started my transition and was financially cut off. So if I wanted to be rich, I would not start a Trans related business because I know many of us are in the same situation. I simply wanted to start something that will impact the community in a good way. Many people don't know that I was homeless for a big chunk of time while all this was going on, that I still do not have any surgery and that I'm undocumented. In fact, the grant that started IATB was a grant for undocumented immigrants funded by Jorge Ramos and other entrepreneurs and philanthropists. I have many ideas that I could have proposed but wanted to do this final step of splitting FitCon and IATB to make things right for both audiences. And yet, despite me moving around every few weeks or so living out of a box, I still managed to write a book within 3 months and self-publish it on Amazon. So if you don't know me, you'd think I'm bragging... and rightly so, but I say all this to say that if you think the world is ending because you're Trans, you need to turn your TV off and wake up! The wealth that is inside of you is only killed by fear and because you listen to the wrong people. Anyone that discourages you from being the best version of yourself is either afraid of your potential or is projecting their own insecurities. I'm officially retired with a great feeling as I pass it on to the best people I could ever think of. I call it divinely ordered. And I can't wait to see where they take it. For now, I'm spending the next year putting things in order to allow for a smooth transition before I move on to bigger things. You will be seeing me around, and if you want to get in touch, search for my Professional Facebook Page (Neo L. Sandja). I am working on putting together something amazing for FitCon this year (the actual seminar/conference part), so if you'd like to meet up, not only I'll be there, but I won't be running around like crazy as in the past years :). I want us to talk about EMPOWERMENT. How can you empower yourself as an individual (not the checkmarks/checkboxes you fill out)? How can your newly empowered self empower your community? And can we work together to empower each other? So come on, do whatever you must, and show up. Book your flight, megabus, or put air in your bicycle, whatever, then let's find you an airbnb, checkout couchsurfing.org and I will even have some people crash with me (don't get used to it). Don't even worry about the website glitching (if you're a web guy, we need you to come help us fix it).... just send an email to transfitcon@gmail.com and say "yo, I'll be there and my name is NYX" and we'll add you to the list. Don't have the money for it? Send the email anyways! What I've always cared about is people's commitment for unity and self-improvement... not the money or the idea of money that keeps people mentally enslaved. So... I've said enough... and I plan on saying more (positive, worthwhile things) when I see you in person. I love you and I'll never give up on my community!

[moonprincess92]

Rebelcaptain Food Travel AU: OVERALL SO FAR

Sup yall!!! So basically, this is just a post gathering together all we’ve got set up for this fic so far. 

As always, if you’re seeing this for the first time and thinking ‘what the heck is this?????’ click here and here :D and if you want to join, it’s never too late! just let me know which country you’d like to do (doesn’t matter which, so long as it’s in Europe) and I’ll totally add you in

In regards to timeline, I’m currently going with the idea that shooting would take place over a couple months. After a lot of googling, I’ve figured that these kinds of shoots are usually very ‘wham bam, here’s a super cool city you’ve never been to before, you have two(2) days to shoot an entire episode and explore kk MOVING ONNNN’ hahahaha. So based on this idea (and that the Germany chapters I believe wanted to be set in dec????) this is how it looks so far: 

(also under a thing bc i rambled a lot lol) 

1. England - @moonprincess92nz (late oct) 

2, Wales – @rover-kelevra (nov) 

3. Scotland – @k-lara7 (nov) 

4. Ireland – @yavemiel (nov) 

5. France – @pingou7 (nov) 

6. Belgium – @doptimous (nov) 

7. Netherlands – @doptimous (dec) (i can’t remember if you wanted to do both countries in one chapter, so just let me know what you prefer haha) 

8. Germany, Munich– @crazy-fruit (dec) 

7. Czech Republic – @thenewleeland (dec) 

8. Germany, Dresden - @ruby-red-inky-blue (dec) (i think this was the order u guys wanted, let me know if i got it wrong!) 

9. Eastern Europe summary chapter – @mamushkababushka (congrats, you get late dec/new years eve!!)  

10. Ukraine – @mamushkababushka (jan) 

11. Bulgaria – @crazy-fruit (jan) 

12. Greece – @imsfire2 (jan) 

13. Croatia – @skitzofreak (jan) 

14. Hungary – @lrthreads (jan) 

15. Italy – @polynesianhermione (feb) 

16. Spain – @cornholius (feb) 

17. England (again) – @moonprincess92nz (feb) 

(BTW FOR THE RECORD, I DID NOT EXPECT THIS MANY PEOPLE TO GET INVOLVED SO LIKE...........KUDOS TO US YO :DDD) 

So anyway, this is what it looks like so far! We basically have a winter shooting schedule, of about 3 1/2 months, which sounds just like the right amount of time that a network would insist an entire travel show season be filmed within hahahaha. 

Since we don’t have people writing every single country, we can assume that they have visited these countries in the meantime. So say you’re writing idk, Greece, you can always reference back and mention random things that have happened in Romania or Serbia or wherever :D (OMGGGG we can have running jokes: “This reminds me of Romania,” “WE SAID WE’D NEVER TALK ABOUT ROMANIA”) 

In terms of who’s who in this particular universe, this is kind of what I’ve got so far:  Cassian - show presentor  Jyn - camera operator  Kay - camera operator (out sick), cassian’s best friend  Bodhi - jyn’s long-suffering best friend/roommate back in england who is texted all the gossip and may or may not be responsible for all the ‘i ship it’ comments on youtube  Chirrut - sound guy  Baze - still debating, security maybe???  Mothma - production manager who is organising the logistics of the shoot, flights/accommodation/etc.  Draven - the high strung director  Luke - highkey loving the idea of him being the photographer/social media manager, taking all the bts pics and posting #foodlove on a pic of jyn and cassian on instagram, making everyone riot in the comments LOL  Aaaaand I’m currently imagining Han & Leia as like, travelling backpackers that they meet at some point?? idk really, i’m kind of making this up as i go lol  (If you have better ideas than this, please feel free to suggest them hahahaha) 

And finally, in terms of which tense to write in...........we had most votes for present, so that’s what I’m gonna start the fic with :) i think everyone was pretty flexible with it, so hopefully everyone is cool writing third person, present tense! 

- if you want to change anything about your chapter and/or discuss anything, just let me know! 

- i know some people have started writing their chapters already, so if there’s any other details about the narrative you want to know, totally just ask me! if you want to wait to write your chapter until it’s your turn bc you’re a continuity slut like i am, that’s totally all good too :DDD 

THANKS YALL, I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT KINDA STORY WE END UP WRITING YAAAAYYYYY!!! 

xoxo 

[pinkipie100]

Lance and the 25 Days Chapter V: Clay

Yo, guess who? Also, later that usual! HAHAHAHAHA, THAT MEANS ANOTHER MORNING REBLOG, HAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay, hysteria and sleep deprivation aside, I’m pretty proud of this one; Pidge is my favorite character, and I’d die for her, so whenever I get to write her, it’s a real blast! Another note is that at the end of this chapter, I included something as a humor aspect that I should have realized was a stupid idea. The thing about Ficcember is that I want to keep it as broad as possible, so I want to keep it both strictly clean of ships, as well as clean in general; it seems my sense of humor simply cannot go long without dropping swears. I apologize, but I because of this, I have censored the word completely. Those who know the book, or heck, even those who haven’t can probably fill in the blank if they so desire. Thanks for reading, and happy holidays!

Words:2012

Category: Gen

Contains: brOT3 Shalluridge, dreidels, Holt Family Feels [esp. Matt], triggering peanuts, Gunderangst, black paladin!Lance, in a way, considerate!Lance, bedtimes stories, censorship, Go the F*ck to Sleep

Takes place the afternoon after the Space Mall escapade in Chapter IV.

Allura was observing Pidge carefully as she measured out the sculpting sand. The young paladin appeared to run complex calculations completely mentally as she determined the correct proportions and weight for the dreidel to spin properly, like a top. Hunk had given the teen a set of tools to help her sculpt, and she had smoothed the sides of the dreidel to perfection. Allura gasped when Pidge picked up a tool only to ruin the perfectly flat sides of the dreidel, carving in an indent. Pidge explained that the princess had no need to worry, as everything she was doing was intentional. Allura resumed spectating while Pidge carved strange symbols. They had some features similar to Altean, but they were otherwise unrecognizable to the young Altean woman.

Pidge, once finished carving the indents, held one side of the dreidel up to Allura. She told her, “So this one-” she pointed to a three-pronged symbol, “-is shin. When you spin that, you add a piece of whatever game currency we’re using to the pot. This-” Pidge signaled to a symbol on a different side, “-is nun. When you get this, it means you don’t do anything, and the next person spins. This next one-” Pidge gestured to a symbol that looked like and unfinished box, “-is hey, and the player who spins this gets half of the pot. This word, everyone’s favorite-” the green paladin smirked mischievously, “-is gimel, and it means you get to take the whole pot.”

“Fascinating! So, this is a gambling game?” Allura asked. Pidge nodded with a cute smile, and the princess voiced, “I thought that gambling was illegal for children on Earth, Shiro. Isn’t that what you told me?”

Shiro, leaning not far from the two on the kitchen wall, chuckled a response, “Well, it is if it’s real money, but this is just a game. You gamble with things like chocolate coins, or typically other small food pieces. Sam always told me Katie hated it when they used peanuts as the currency.”

Pidge concurred furiously, saying that Matt suggested it every year, and their mom always complied, much to Pidge’s chagrin. The smallest paladin complained that Matt did that specifically to rig the game against her since she wanted nothing to do with the gross, dry nuts, so she did everything in her power to get rid of them, even cheating by feeding them to Bae Bae. She recalled with a cringe that last Chanukkah, Matt had just sat across the table, staring at her, crunching down the peanuts when he won.

Once Pidge was finished regaling of her family’s dreidel shenanigans, she sighed, her figure collapsing. Shiro and Allura’s faces shifted to mirror the green paladin’s despairing countenance, and at Shiro’s sympathetic prompting, Pidge revealed the cause of her upset. She vented, “I was just thinking about playing with Matt, you know? He had his own dreidel, and he whittled it himself, just like I carved this one. My mom showed him how… Anyway, we played our own separate games at the Chanukkah parties my parents would host all the time, and I just remember that he loved playing dreidel. Probably because he won,” she cringed fondly, “but looking back on it, we created a lot of memories from playing together, just the two of us. The thing is…” Pidge paused, shoving her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose as her head drooped and Allura put a supportive hand on her shoulder, “…I brought his dreidel with me to the Garrison.” Shiro uttered the paladin’s name in sympathy, walking closer to her and placing his own hand on Pidge’s free shoulder. “It’s the one that Hunk probably saw, and I brought it because I wanted to give it back to Matt when I found him. Only, the night we found you, Shiro, I didn’t realize that I had been playing with it that morning, so when I went out to scan for frequencies that night, I forgot it wasn’t in my bag. By the time I checked for it in my bag, we had already taken down that Galra ship with Voltron for the first time and become the Defenders of the Universe. I still regret it, and I’m worried that I may never get to give it back to him, even if I do find him…”

Shiro stopped Pidge there, cutting her off, “Pidge. You’re going to find your brother. We’re going to bring him back; you have to know that. You’ll get to play dreidel with him again, this time with your own lucky dreidel.”

Allura agreed with the black paladin, putting in that if the two faced off using Pidge’s own dreidel, Matt would finally lose to his sister. Pidge laughed at this, claiming that she doubted it, but she wouldn’t mind losing to Matt again as long as it meant that he was right there with her, doing something other than worrying about a Galra attack or one of them being in the custody of those villains. Shiro guffawed and added that Matt would probably feel the same.

Allura straightened back up as Shiro patted Pidge’s back, and she scanned the kitchen for the other Altean on the ship. “Where is Coran? Shouldn’t he be learning about Chanukkah games as well? He’d love this! …especially since it’s gambling; it’s practically a mini version of the unilu swap shops he used to love so!” Pidge answered that she noticed that Lance had dragged the Altean off to a private room right after they had gotten back from the Space Mall, this time unscathed by Varkon’s pursuit. She assured the young woman that Coran could learn to play dreidel when she re-explained it to the other boys.

The trio was disrupted, however, when Lance came over the intercom of the ship, calling for all to meet on the bridge. Pidge proudly dunked her finished dreidel in the water for it to harden, then obeying Lance’s orders. Shiro and Allura followed too, and the princess joked to Shiro that it seemed that Lance was the holiday black paladin, earning her a hearty chortle from Pidge whilst the man himself scoffed.

Hunk had met up with Shiro, Pidge, and Allura along the way to the bridge, and upon entering, they encountered Lance standing front and center authoritatively, Coran standing behind him and to the side in support.

“Alright, Team Voltron! I was a little busy doing some holiday logistics after we got back from the Space Mall, but I think we’re all ready for a report now!” Lance proclaimed. He pointed to his best friend, inquiring, “Hunk, what’s the food situation?” Hunk answered that there was more than enough to feed the whole team including Keith as their plus one. Shiro brought up Hunk’s idea for the Olkarion feast, and once the yellow paladin delineated his idea, Lance pondered for a moment, then confirmed, “Yeah, that sounds like a super selfless idea! Maybe selfless enough for the Olkari to throw us a para-” a groan from the team indicated to Lance that this was not the time, so he finished, “-Ahem, Hunk, we should absolutely do that. You and I can contact Ryner and make plans for a refugee cookout in the Olkarion woods! So, Shiro, you’ve got some decorations for the ship, right?” Shiro smugly smiled before grabbing his shopping bag from his paladin seat and picking some representative decorations from it. He showed off the Anbytorian stones he’d foolishly purchased, believing them to be peppermint bark, but then proposed that they could be made into tree ornaments. Lance applauded Shiro’s creativity, followed by the rest of the team. Shiro then pulled out some silver string along with cerulean ribbons so that the team could make the halls festive for Hanukkah. Pidge gave her approval, and Lance’s accompanied hers. The man then started pulling out some deflated-looking items that looked like balloons, explaining that they were, apparently, floating lanterns that could be both lit and inflated by simply charging them through a Galra-issued charging station. Lance questioned if they even had one, to which Shiro pointed to his Galra arm, grasped a lantern with the prosthetic, and illuminated it. The lantern puffed up at a frightening speed, then ascended into the ceiling like a rocket. Coran suggested that Shiro should probably charge them with the lowest power setting his hand could offer.

“Great! So, it looks like we’re all set with decorations, except for the tree. Here’s the deal,” Lance began. “Allura, Coran, and I weren’t able to find any Christmas tree, or flora of any kind, at the Space Mall.” The boys and the Alteans groaned in disappointment, at which Lance twisted his face at the Alteans because, hello, they were there, but he amended, “That doesn’t mean we won’t have a tree, though! I won’t sleep until one is found! If I have to wormhole us to the next dimension MYSELF, I’LL DO IT!” Shiro squinted slightly, anticipating another threatening Christmas spirit episode, but Lance seems to have averted it. The red paladin announced, “In the meantime, we’ve got lots to do, Team Voltron, so…!” Pidge slumped in dread of more work, expecting Lance to start bossing them around to start hanging decorations and whatnot. “…get some rest, everyone.” Pidge, caught off guard at Lance’s tender tone, gazed back up to him while he added, “Today’s been a hard days’ work, so we’re going to need to rest our muscles for all of the hard labor of decorating for tomorrow. I’m proud of you, team, you really pulled it together on short notice!”

Hunk expressed hesitance, since Lance always decorated on the first of December no matter what, but Lance answered that he, himself, was tired as well. Lance dismissed everyone, and Hunk softly and fondly grinned at his best friend’s consideration. He, of all people, knew how hyper Lance was about Christmas, so the teenager was proud of his lanky friend’s restraint for the team’s sake.

Lance abruptly protested to everyone leaving, though, as there was one more favor he needed done before he went to bed. The team sighed.

Shiro yawned, smacking his lips while he waited. The sound of the shower had stopped a considerable amount of time ago, and he couldn’t but help growing slightly impatient. He called for Lance in the bathroom, wondering when he’d be done, and for the fifth time, Lance stated that he was ‘almost done.’ Shiro sighed through his nose.

At last, the bathroom door slid open, and Lance exited through it in his pajamas and blue lion slippers. Lance apologized to Shiro for taking so long, but made the excuse that the art of after-show skin care simply could not be rushed. The red paladin then tucked himself and and shimmied into the position of optimal comfort.

“Okay, so, the whole thing should’ve been transcribed on there by Hunk. It’s under the file ‘Lance’s Christmas Bedtime Story,’” Lance told the black paladin.

“This one?” Shiro indicated, and Lance confirmed it. “So, your mom still read you this even while you were in the Garrison.”

“Oh, yeah,” Lance bobbed his head enthusiastically. “We just did it over a video call; it was practically just like she was there! She read me this for the first time back when I was four, back during that December I woke up to decorate.”

Shiro nodded, then opened the file on his tablet. He then recited the transcribed script: “‘The cats nestle close to their kittens, / The lambs have laid down with the sheep. / You’re safe and warm in your bed, my dear. / …please go the ~QUIZNACK~ to sleep,’ Lance, your mom read this to you?”

“Yeah,” Lance put simply. “What of it? Go on.”

Shiro, eyes bulging out of his head, dramatically turned back to face the script, shrugging off his concerns. He continued:

The windows are dark in the town, child.

The whales huddle down in the deep.

I’ll read you one last book if you swear

You’ll go the ~QUIZNACK~ to sleep...

[bentchcreates]

Beyond Light and Darkness (Part 1)

This is going to be a two-part blog feature because I want to write about the book as a reviewer, as well as the experiences I had as one of the authors of this wonderful work. Also, fair warning that this is gonna be a long-ass post because I am on a roll. Haha.

Before BLaD

Let’s start from the very beginning, just a brief intro, for context. LOL.

Kath Bute (https://www.wattpad.com/user/kathbute) is actually a group of writers on Wattpad that bonded over the community forums a few years ago, and decided to collaborate and release an anthology of stories we wanted to read.

I was actually the last Kabute to join the first anthology, Beyond Fate and the Stars. I don’t know much about the group before I joined; except that they were working on an anthology based on the 12 Chinese Zodiac (with an assigned emotion) and they were short of one writer to do the Ox. I was very new to Wattpad then and basically just happened to be active in a forum for Filipino Writers, so they asked if I wanted to contribute. And I did. It was one of the first few times people actually asked me to write a new story.

After a few weeks I came up with Seek the Ox, Find Happiness (https://www.wattpad.com/183607408-beyond-fate-and-the-stars-self-published-seek-the) and in the summer of 2016 we had a book! My very first printed book! It wasn’t until MIBF that year that I got to meet my Kabute friends in person for the first time but it didn’t feel weird at all, kindred spirits and all that. (@AlaraChan & @lunatrix)(http://bentchcreates.tumblr.com/post/151133454706/bentch-at-the-37th-manila-international-book-fair )

As originally planned, printing BFatS was solely for us to have a physical book with our names and stories on it, a dry run. And while we might’ve discussed eventually making it available for selling, logistics and other business matters were tougher to figure out once the book is done. (We’re still trying to figure out if this is possible. Hehe.) But we wanted to do it again, and we wanted to do more this time, so we decided to take another shot at a second anthology, with selling the book as part of the plan from the very beginning.

The Stories

We tried our hand at a little bit of indie publishing. We had reviews that helped us with things to improve. We learned a lot from the first take and we had a clearer vision on what we wanted to become of this. The instructions this time was almost similar to the previous one: write whatever genre you want but there will be assigned prompts to follow and a sub theme of light or darkness. Even the interpretation of these themes was free for the author to make his/her own. 

I got “A broken wristwatch, peppermints and a hug that goes too far” and in the ‘light’ subtheme. I had finished an NA romance manuscript by then and I got off easy. Others who got perky prompts and then a ‘dark’ subtheme were a little more challenged! Hah!  

*Artwork by Trix Luna. My story prompts are here. ;)*

It was quite fun to write. And in the weeks that we were planning this second anthology, my inbox were constantly filled with book ideas; as well as funny messages (and abs!) from friends that were miles away from me. We talked about the book, and then about our personal writing projects, and cheered on each other when the writing gets tough. The friendships I’ve made with this book has got to be the best payoff in this journey.

Anyway, we also decided to open the proverbial doors for two more stories – two new bloods so to speak – so in June 2016, we called for short story submissions for the anthology. Four official entries were screened in anonymity (there were 5 stories, but we later found out @RK Sanchez should’ve already been part of Book 1 so she got in) and it was what I would say was the most challenging part of this. As an old Kabute (heh) and judge, I had a hard time choosing only two over four wonderfully written stories. In the end, I had to choose those who have showed the prompts more creatively and whose stories have captured our hearts. We welcomed @Nigel Libranages and @Raine RIllera into the fold. :P

With the stories and authors completed, we set out to editing, and because we didn’t have a professional editor, nor the funds to actually hire one, we did it ourselves. Around 14 pairs of eyes went through all the stories and different people who wrote different genres offered advice and suggestions for the improvement of our stories. It was team-effort every step of the way.

*My review copy with all the original members’ stories after I was done with my first run through. heehee.*

Development Hell

Development hell or development limbo is media industry jargon for a project that remains in development (often moving between different crews, scripts, or studios) without progressing to completion. 

– Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Development_hell)

We were 14 authors whose writing were more passion projects than actual dayjobs so when each of us got a little busy in the real world, the book got lightly shoved in the backburners. Some authors weren’t able to finish their works and to this day, we’re still waiting for them to release them (*wink wink, fellow kabutes!*) Most of us had a lot on our plates, I for one had to uproot and move back in to my parent’s house, and completing a book seemed like a huge task to strike off our To Do list.

I also had fears. Being a writer who could sell his books had been a big dream of mine and when felt like I was so close to grasping it, I feared it wouldn’t be as amazing as I hyped it up to be. I had to process it for a while, to learn more things about the industry, and ultimately, about myself, before I could fully commit to taking the plunge. And when I felt I was almost ready, I did it. I can only speak for myself but knowing I wasn’t doing this on my own, that I had friends with me, achieving our shared goals together, helped quell those fears. I’m still afraid, I have to say, but it’s more manageable now that I’ve got all these lovely people behind me, as I to them.

It took a few more weeks before we got our fire back (some slots had to be refilled with new stories, we had to hold a small face to face meeting to iron out everything) and when we got to see the artworks for the cover and the genre divisions, the excitement was renewed. I almost missed the cover reveal but when we all saw it, we knew that beauty had to be shared to the world.

*BLaD F2F meeting with Bebe Kabute Irina Jean and the secret agents again! heehee!*

*BLaD Cover reveal (art by @RK Sanchez) and this pre-order promo graphic is by @Johanna Lee

At this point, Summer Feels had been launched and I got to be part of the promo team on social media so what I learned from that I pitched in. In no time, we had a solid contract, a promo schedule, a pre-order form, a slot at #FilipinoBookFriday; and a launch date. @Lunatrix and @AlaraChan were sending us updates on what the book would look like, printing schedules and all. I was so excited I have picked clothes to wear on the launch weeks before. Haha!

*#FilipinoBookFriday promo graphic. Hosted by me and @Johanna Lee 

BLaD Book Launch

What we called the book launch was just going to be a small author get together, a meet-up to see each other, collect our books and have a small meal together. I thought about working on an invitation, a graphic I could print out and stick to my journal later, when I found out Trix already made a Programme (so HYPED, I’m telling you!) and we had activities to really set off our baby to a great start.

On November 30th 2017, we met at the CBTL in Trinoma where we rearranged tables on one side of the café as if we got a reservation (We didn’t. They don’t so reservations. Or maybe not for an event as small as ours. hah). We chose that venue because it was sort of a midpoint for where the authors were coming from; Baguio was the farthest point from the North and Laguna in the South (Okay, if we count Australia as the farthest point in the South, then we’re screwed because the midpoint is probably in the middle of an ocean. XD).

We started with a short Kath Bute intro and welcome remarks from Ate Kabute; and then all authors got to introduce ourselves (we introverts get all weird introducing ourselves to people we’ve been talking to for months online!). We got gifts and goodie bags from our artist Kabutes; I even got to do an unrehearsed live-reading of The Time Banker! And then we got to the Q and A part where we got to know more about everyone else.

We also got to sign a ton of the first batch of the print books. Seeing the book for the first time is just totally amazing (the cover is more beautiful in person) and seeing stacks of it together before they are eventually distributed is even better. I took a lot of pictures of the beautiful books and forgot to take pics of the people, haha!

It was such a fun experience, and knowing it had been possible because of this dream we all had, that we were now making into a reality, is priceless. I got to write, I got new friends and now I got a new book! There was hardwork, and I know the others worked harder than I did, but we can all say it is worth it.

What’s Next?

I don’t know how to end this blog. Haha. I rambled on and on about recent history and yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, but now I don’t know what my parting message will be. Classic Bentch! Haha!

I guess I’ll leave you with a link to order our book because now I know you’re itching to get your hands on it: http://bit.ly/BLADBatch2 (Batch 2 is set for printing in January, so delivery dates might be late January-early February)

We’re processing an e-book version for international release so watch out! (Naks, ako yung in-charge dito, so good luck to me. Wahaha) And we’ve discussed the initial phases for Book 3! No further announcements, thank you! Haha!

I think it’s also better to end with a thank you to everyone who has made this possible.

My fellow BLaD authors, thank you for sharing your talents – writing and editing AND artistic skills – especially to Mama and Ate Kabute who started all of this and pushed us to bring our collective best to the world. To my other author friends, who showed support by cheering on us and buying our books!

And to God, because this is your design. Thank you.

 *next part will be my review of BLaD as a reader. It will be biased because, you know, I wrote the preface (not-so-humble-brag!) and is currently in charge of promotions, but it’s a GREAT anthology, 500%!  

[artificialqueens]

everything carries me to you: part three (thorcid)

AN: This is the last chapter of ECMTY. I had a lot of fun writing it! If you want to drop me a note or a follow you can find me on my tumblr, featherpluckn :)

It turns out, Jamin is really bad at waiting to see what comes next.

Jamin and Shane had agreed to meet up when they were both back in New York. The prospect of them as more used to scare the shit out of him. To be honest, Jamin was still scared he would fuck it all the way up somehow, but he had come to the conclusion it would be worth it. He really wants to see where all of this could lead.

 However, true to form, Jamin tries to keep his expectations savagely realistic.

When they were on the show, they were in a bubble. A bubble that forced intimacy by isolating them from the world at large. Of course, they would become closer. Of course, every little annoying trait of Shane’s would become adorable. But that didn’t mean their interactions meant the same thing to Shane.

The further removed Jamin is from what happened in that hotel room the night he was eliminated, the more his confidence about the other man’s intentions wane.

Jamin starts telling himself it was just a blowjob. It had happened before, many times. They always had incredible sex, and that would probably would not change. The two of them can get each other off but it didn’t mean they should find day jobs, move to the suburbs, and adopt 2.5 dogs.

Or that is what Jamin had convinced himself of in the meantime.

 Shane had other ideas.

*

Jamin had been spiraling into a pit of despair and ice cream for about a month before his phone beeped on a random Thursday evening. He thought it was his sister letting him know about some nails he needed for an upcoming gig and let it go.

 Two hours later, he checked his phone. It was Shane.

 I miss your face. Meet me tonight for a drink around 9??

 It was 9:15. Shit.

Jamin dropped his phone twice trying to text back and pull his pants on at the same time. He laughed and cursed at himself loudly because clearly he was extremely fucking thirsty.

 Ah! I just saw your text. Definitely need to catch up. Am I too late?

 Shane was probably already with his friends, throwing back shots, not even giving him a second thought.

 Jamin’s phone lit up 30 seconds later.

 Never.

 The next text came almost immediately with an address.

 *

When Jamin arrived at the dive bar Shane led him to, he finds the man sitting on a stool animatedly talking to the bartender. They are both laughing, loudly. Jamin is smiling before he can stop himself because that’s the sunshine effect Shane has on him and also because he’s what? Fucked.

Jamin walks up to the bar and sits down next to him. Shane turns and his face lights up. That anxious weight that had settled in Jamin’s chest the last few weeks falls into his stomach and turns into a bunch of huge fucking butterflies.

“You made it!” Shane reaches for him, kissing him on the cheek and pulling him into fierce hug.

“I made it.” Jamin sinks into the hug, making the most of the contact he’s been craving.

Shane exhales deeply and sighs, “I’ve missed this.”

Jamin can feel him run his hands through the hair he has been growing out since he last saw him. The warmth that simple action provokes spreads through his body, lighting him up with confidence. He presses a kiss to Shane’s temple and replies way too fucking honestly, “I’ve missed you. So much.”

Shane sits back and lets his eyes roam over Jamin’s face settling on his lips. As much as Jamin would make out with him pretty much anywhere Shane is willing, he is painfully aware of the fact that the bartender has been wiping out the same glass for the last 5 minutes. Plus, he’s more than sure it would escalate past the point of public decency.

Jamin puts about a foot of distance between them and clears his throat, “Can I get a beer or does this place just serve tetanus?”

Shane giggled “Bitch. It was the only place I could think of where we could talk about well you know” Shane gestured wildly in the air with his hands, and Jamin wasn’t sure if he meant them or Drag Race or the goddamn weather, “without someone we know breathing down our necks. Sadie can you get my friend a beer,  please?”

“No problem, Thorg. Anything for you?”

“I’ll take another beer and bring us both a shot of Maker’s please. I think we might be celebrating something…kind of….maybe.”

Shane giggled and Sadie moved off down the bar to get the drinks.

Even though Jamin had pulled away, Shane hadn’t let go of his hands, “Sooo, how have you been?”

What a loaded question and a million responses run through Jamin’s mind: “Good. How are you?” “Why the fuck haven’t you called me before now?” “Better now that I’m with you”

 But since unintentional honesty seems to be the theme of the night, Jamin settles for “Not so good actually. Um, it turns out I was looking forward to that text tonight a little too much.”

Jamin laughs to lighten the mood after he says it, but it still must have stung considering the tiny look of guilt that passes over Shane’s features.  

Shane laces their fingers together and squeezes, “I am sorry. Truly. Things did not go as well as I had hoped after you left. Then, I got back and I had to readjust to normal, everyday life. I had to get back into my gigs like I haven’t had this life-altering experience and it was so surreal, you know what I mean? That’s no excuse though. I know I should have texted you sooner but….I don’t know? I was also scared maybe things would have changed for you? We can just be friends. If that’s what you want. I’m totally cool with that but I really fucking like you and I mean like you like you and it’s kind of terrifying but….”

Shane trailed off and looked at Jamin with wide eyes and suddenly he was back in that vomit-soaked alley. Shane definitely had nothing to apologize for when it came to the two of them. Jamin was the one who chose not to take this thing further. The other man was always putting out clear signals and Jamin chose to pretend like he didn’t know how Shane felt about him. Yet, here he is again trying to make something out of this intense pull between them.

Jamin would like to use that old cliche “Can we start over?” but would he really start over with Shane if he had the chance? Even the messy parts of this friends-with-benefits thing they’ve had for years are precious to Jamin. He wouldn’t even  want to change all of the times Shane was leaving and he desperately wanted to ask him to stay but his fear closed his throat up. Because he at least got to touch him and hold him and fuck him like he was his just for a little bit.

There was a minute when he still didn’t know if he could do it. Insecurities and doubt and logic were gearing up to let his heart have it. But then Sadie came back. She sat down their drinks and when Shane turned his head to thank her Jamin could see the tears threatening to fall.

Nope.

He would not sit here paralyzed by the feelings he knows good and damn well are reciprocated while Shane is crying over him. His insecurities, doubt and logic can go fuck themselves.

“Hey.” Jamin said softly. Maybe a little too softly because Shane didn’t turn back to face him.

But then he realized he had heard him. Shane downed his whiskey and took a deep breath and then Jamin was the one struggling to hear his uncharacteristically subdued voice, “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Just need a minute to shove everything back inside.”

“Shane? Look at me.”

The other man took a shuddering breath, and turned back towards Jamin with a smile on his face, “What’s up?”

Jamin internally cringed, “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend like it’s okay for me to leave you hanging about my feelings for you. Because it’s not. Especially, when I feel the exact same way you do.”

“Really?”

Jamin rolled his eyes and smiled, “Yeah, really. I like like you too and I think we should give us a shot.”

Jamin could hear his heart pounding in his ears because there it all was. He had said it out loud, and there was no taking it back. He was proud of himself for finally letting Shane know how he felt, but looking at Shane’s face made him think twice. The fake smile was still there, and he was nodding but Jamin wasn’t so sure he was buying it. He just had to though.

“Look. I know I haven’t always been as brave as you when it comes to all of this. I’m just going to ask you to trust me when I say you own my ass and you have for a long time.”

Shane giggled then and Jamin took it as a good sign. “Please give me a chance to prove how much you mean to me.”

Shane let out a breath, leaned forward, and cupped Jamin’s cheek. His face broke into a bright, genuine smile,  “Alright, then. Let’s do this.”

*

Jamin had hoped his night would end like this, but he never thought it actually would.

After finishing their beers, the two of them decided to walk back to Jamin’s apartment. The bar was filling up quickly with loud regulars taking advantage of the half price margaritas. They had a lot to talk about, and it was probably not the best idea to finish their conversation in a crowded public place. He wanted to ask about what happened when he left Drag Race or  the tour that was coming up for both of them or the logistics of a possible relationship while they were both presumably touring the country, but as soon they crossed the threshold of his apartment they were all over each other.

Jamin was currently standing against his front door, naked as the day he was born  with Shane plastered to the back of him. He could feel the other man’s cock hard between them. Shane was trailing bruising kisses from Jamin’s shoulder up to his ear and back again and running his hands down his belly getting lower with each pass.

It was always like this with Shane. He was always everywhere all at once, overloading Jamin’s senses in the best fucking way possible.

Jamin was brought quickly back to the present when Shane finally reached his dick, stroking firmly and whispering in his ear, “I really want to fuck you against this door.”

He ground back into Shane and his voice cracked when he answered, “Take me then, because I am definitely not stopping you.”

Jamin lost the warmth at his back and the hand around his dick when Shane stepped back. The other man pulled backwards on Jamin’s hips and pressed down between his shoulder blades, bending him forward.

“Perfect. Don’t move.”

Jamin scoffed. He meant to make a crack about where the fuck he would go, but he caught sight of the condom Shane sat on the entry table and heard the cap pop open on the bottle of lube he knows Shane carries with him everywhere in that godforsaken satchel.

You never know when you’re going to need it, girl.

He’ll give him that one because he has never been more turned on by how prepared the man is than at this moment. Jamin braces his forearms against the door, wiggles his ass, and spreads his legs a little bit more.

“Trust me. I am not going anywhere.”

“Good.”

Shane grabs his ass then with one hand spreading Jamin open, and then runs two fingers of his other hand down to his entrance. He bends back over Jamin reaching around and grabbing his dick. Shane bites down on his shoulder and uses his lubed fingers to enter Jamin at the same time. Jamin groans at the dual sensation.

Shane begins stroking his length in time with his fingers, hitting that spot just right and he knows he’s not going to last long if this keeps up.

“Jesus. Shit! Sh-Shane just fuck me or this is going to be over real quick.”

Shane chuckles and lets go of his dick. He kisses the spot he had bitten earlier.  “Sorry. I didn’t realize you were that keyed up.”

Jamin is already breathing hard when he replies “I’m always that keyed up with you. Anyway, we’ve got all night. Plenty of time for foreplay.”

“Very true.”

This isn’t a romance novel but Jamin would be lying if he said he didn’t feel empty when Shane removed his fingers. He turns his head just in time to see him roll the condom on and lube up. Yes. He is definitely ready. It has been way too long.

“Close your mouth or I’ll find something to do with it.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Later.”

Jamin chuckles but shuts the fuck up when he feels Shane grab his hips lining himself up,  and hissing in pleasure as he sinks into him.

Shane leans down and grabs Jamin’s jaw pulling him into a sloppy kiss giving the other man time to adjust. He is a little bit larger than average but thick and it has been a while so Jamin is thankful.

Jamin sucks on that sinful tongue and nods his head. Shane takes his cue and stands up snapping his hips into Jamin’s. He sets a fast pace with short, quick thrusts. Jamin can hear Shane moaning over the sound of their two bodies coming together.

“I forgot how good you feel..mmmm” Shane is the one breathing hard now but Jamin is glad to hear it. He was not lying when he told Shane he was on edge already. Hearing the man behind him babble about how much he loves fucking him and how he missed this oh god he’s missed this is definitely not helping.

He can feel him pick up the pace and Shane presses down in the dip low on Jamin’s back, changing the angle.

He’s hitting that spot on the way in and out now making Jamin cry out. He’s almost shouting when he asks, “I’m so fucking close. Are you close?”

“Mmmhmm. Touch yourself, please.

If he was with anyone else, Jamin would have been embarrassed about the whining, grateful moan that comes out of his mouth but it’s Shane. So, he lets it out and grabs his cock.

A few good, solid strokes is all it takes. The orgasm that hits him is beyond words. Jamin is gasping for breath and pushes back into Shane one last time, clenching. He feels Shane’s last couple of strokes stutter out of rhythm and then he comes with a shout.

Jamin doesn’t even register that his ears had been buzzing until the world floods back in. He can hear a car door slam, and the sound of Shane gasping for breath and laying kisses across his back trying to catch his breath before he pulls out.

Jamin finally stands up straight and reaches up stretching out his back. He is definitely going to be sore tomorrow but it was worth it. He feels Shane wrap an arm around his waist from behind and turns around raising up on his toes for a kiss. It is lazy and spent but full of the passion Shane puts into everything he does. Jamin pulls back and bops a kiss on Shane’s nose.

“Okay. I think I am in desperate need of a shower. Care to join me?”

“Always. But no funny business, bitch. I have to get my strength back.”

They join hands and Jamin leads him down the small hallway towards the bathroom. Turning around Jamin gives Shane a mischievous grin.

“Unless you plan on showering with your clothes on, I make no guarantee.”

*

When Jamin had thought of what waking up with Shane would be like (and honestly he had been thinking of it a lot lately), he imagined waking up to the smell of coffee, and the sound of  Brahms filtering peacefully throughout the apartment. He would pad into the kitchen and Shane would be sitting there with his dreads half-tamed, reading the arts section of the newspaper wrapped up in that huge fucking striped scarf with a gorgeous  eye-crinkling smile on his face.

But the reality is, it’s Shane. Perfectly, imperfect Shane, and the man likes to keep him on his toes.

The morning after Jamin wakes up to the smell of coffee alright, but there is also the distinct smell of something charred underneath it. He can also hear some lilting, happy classical piece of music  floating through the cracked bedroom door complimented by muffled cursing.

Working up the courage to find out exactly is going on in his kitchen, Jamin rolls out of bed, pulls on Shane’s pants, and makes his way down the hall.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Shane turns around quickly, dropping whatever he was furiously trying to clean on the counter behind him. “Good morning, handsome! Can I interest you in a blowjob that is in no way a distraction related to what may or may not have happened in this kitchen?”

“Don’t good-morning-handsome-guilt-blow-job me. What are you doing in here?”

Shane’s hands start flying wildly around his head trying to explain himself, “Well, I actually woke up early for once. I know! I can’t believe it either. I couldn’t fall back asleep and I didn’t want to freak you out if you woke up and I was just staring at you. Did you know how cute you are when you sleep? Because you are. So, I came in the living room and watched a couple of episodes of Chopped and got inspired to make you breakfast. But I-”

“Is that a fucking Hot Pocket burned to the bottom of my good skillet?”

“Maybe.”

Jamin let out a lovingly exasperated laugh. A few months ago, this would have sent him through the roof.  The two of them would have immediately went Williams-Sonoma to replace the skillet, but today? All he can do is think about the effort Shane was putting into making this morning a little more special, and damn if it didn’t make his heart melt a little.

“Are you mad? Are you ready to murder me? Well, I guess I deserve it but right when I was about to get my big break? Really?”

Jamin just shakes his head and laughs opening his arms, “C’mere, cuckoo bird.” Shane flings himself at Jamin peppering his face with kisses. “I’m not mad. I can replace the skillet. No big deal. I just can’t believe you tried to cook me breakfast.”

Shane’s face is buried in the crook of Jamin’s neck and he can feel his smile. “Thank you for not killing me. I had a really good time last night and in the middle of the night and earlier this morning. I want to live long enough for a repeat performance.”

Jamin kisses the top of his head, then lifts Shane’s chin so he can look at him. “So, you want to keep having a good time? Maybe even with our clothes on every now and then?” Jamin clutches his chest and gasps.

Shane giggles and grins, “We look so good without our clothes on though…I don’t know. Are you asking me on an honest-to-god date?”

And he is, isn’t he? This is what Jamin wants more than anything. He wants to spend the night with Shane and take him out and buy him goddamn flowers and dance in the rain at sunset. It is absolutely ridiculous, and he can’t wait to do it all.

“Yep. Dinner, movie, drinks, dancing, whatever you want to do.”

Shane kisses him then. Long and hard. Jamin knows, without a doubt, he will definitely never get tired of those kisses. Shane pulls away and smiles, “It’s a date then”

Jamin kisses his cheek “Great! First, I’m going to make us some actual breakfast. Oh, I do have one question.”

Shane is already busy pouring them both a cup of coffee but turns around and smiles, “Yes?”

“Why did you try to cook a Hot Pocket on the stovetop?”

Shane winces, “Whatever you do, do not look in the microwave.”

[cynthiadshaw]

Perspective & Advice for Those Facing Insurmountable Odds

Throughout our journey with Voyage, the one thing we have learned over and over is that hidden within every challenge is a blessing or opportunity. It’s up to us to determine whether a challenge we face will be a step back or the catalyst for a step forward.

We had the honor of connecting with some of the city’s brightest female leaders and role models and we asked them our question of the month: What is the best advice you have for someone who feels like they are facing insurmountable odds.

Below, you’ll find their advice and links and other info so you can learn more about them, their work and how to connect with them. We’ll be interviewing many of these amazing women in the coming weeks, stay tuned.

Sarai Valdes | Instagramer

Everything come to possible if you believe and work for make it true.

@sarai.luu @sarai.tamayo.501

Rachel Scruggs | Social Media Specialist & Entreprenuer

When I feel defeated the best way for me to overcome my situation is to realize that God has brought me through bad situations before, so He can do it again. Understanding that your bad circumstances don’t define you can help you keep the faith and see the joy that will come. As long as you are doing your best 100% unto the Lord your labor will not be in vain.

fit29.com @radianceevents_ @fit29_ @rachel.scruggs

Linn | yoga instructor

Backpacking has been my favorite teacher for handling challenges. Looking up at the top of the mountain can be overwhelming and discouraging, but finding a closer focal point, a tree or a rock that’s only a few steps ahead, and then reaching that, and finding another point…before you know it, you’re on the top. Stay present, keep moving forward. Enjoy the journey, because there’s a lot of beautiful focal points along the way. 🙂

@thebraceletslinger @gaiaflowyogatribe

Karen Chaparro | Gmaids Owners and Service Industry Entrepreneurs

Reach out for help! Seasoned entrepreneurs who love to teach, have a gold mine-worth of advice, experience, and coaching waiting for you to ask them those tough questions they’ve most likely navigated before.

Gmaids.com  @gmaids

Gemera La’Rue | Hair Stylist | Wig Maker | Stylist

Follow your heart. There are things that dwell in your dreams, keeping you in deep thought, day dreams and meditation. They are the same things that identify who you are, giving you strength and determination. Determination to be who your really are, to live your best life and be your best self. It may seem like the process is insurmountable at first. But when you know in your heart that it’s meant for you, you realize that you are the only person in your way. You understand that you are you own worst enemy, biggest critic, and that the criticism is only in your own mind. You then become unstoppable. The journey begins and you evolve. You become your greatest version of you.

@iamgemeralarue @iamgemeralarue

Rebecca Zacarias | Creative Life Coach and Founder of Creative Soul Care™ LLC

When we are facing a challenge that feels insurmountable my advice would be to seek help from someone that can help you on that journey. Depending on what the challenge is you might reach out to family or friends or a professional guide like a coach, therapist, consultant, or spiritual guide. Having support in situations that are difficult is important. As a Creative Life Coach and Forgiveness Coach my goal is to help clients know that they have a supportive guide to help them achieve their desired goals.

creativesoulcare.com  @creativesoulcare @CreativeSoulCareTM

Shannon E Higgins | Ambassador of Faith | LOVER and Mother

The best advice I can offer someone who is facing a challenge that they feel is insurmountable is to simply breathe. It is very simple to become lost in the constant chaos of everyday challenges that we naturally become consumed in nonsense that essentially adds zero value to our lives. Breath. Find your calm…whatever that may be… dig deep and discover it. You are worthy of it. If it still feels impossible, dig deeper. You are that worthy. Do NOT stop. You will soon become a master of your emotions. This is where transformation within your soul and real-life opportunities collide and your destiny is limitless. Your perception has now realigned to service you well. RUN WITH IT. Stay focused and do not back down. You now have a gift that very few individuals have the courage face. You are the chosen one and one of God’s favorite people. You are a treasure. Keep your eye on the finish line and don’t stop until you get there, no matter how long it takes. You will get there. I say this from personal experience and great confidence. I too have felt these exact emotions. My journey is far from over, but I promise you that no matter what you are facing, you are not alone, and I too can most likely relate. If after reading this, you still feel as if you are in solitude and your challenge is too great to overcome, please reach out to me and I will show you the way. Allow me to #bethelight out of darkness. You my dear… have a sparkle that will never be deadened combined with a soul full of passion that radiates abundantly. If you have a story to tell, a mission to complete, a dream to fulfill, or a voice to be heard, the world deserves to hear it.

@parkers_lace @shannedmonds1

Trease Jordan | Faux loc queen

The best advice I could give to anyone who is facing a challenge in general is set daily goals and complete them ! We have 24 hours in a day there is no reason for excuses or whining ! Boss up and get it! I’ve always kept this type of attitude some think it’s stank but aye I get things done no time for playing get out here and boss your LIFE ALL THE WAY regardless the challenges you face you can DO IT! Don’t let small obstacles stop you from being the BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE! We get one life live it how you want but always choose whatever is best for you , life is amazing and full of different opportunities and experiences just live your life and BOSS UP ITS 2019 the year of bosses don’t let anyone tell you no different! Let’s get it!!!

@itsjusttreasejordan @treasejordan @itsjusttrease

Ashlee Chanel  | Owner of Conceited by Ashlee Chanel

Nothing is insurmountable!! Philippians 4:13!!!

conceitedbyashleechanel.com

Ashley Morrison | Personal Trainer | Marathoner  & Group Fitness Instructor

The best advice I have for anyone facing a challenge that feels impossible or insurmountable is to focus on what you can do right now. Write out a plan that includes taking small steps every day that contribute to the overall goal. You won’t achieve the goal overnight, so breaking down what needs to be done into smaller, more attainable goals will help you stay accountable. Those small steps add up to big steps over time and will help you feel accomplished and motivated to keep going. Show up, never give up, and if you get overwhelmed just take a step back and refocus by doing one small thing that helps you press forward.

runwithashley.com @runwithashley

Sharhonda Anderson | Physician Assistant and Christian

If you’re facing a challenge that feels insurmountable, stop for a second; think about the many challenges that you have already overcome. You have everything that you need to succeed already inside of you. It’s up to you to activate it. Challenges, obstacles and even hardships are thrown your way to make your stronger, and to remind you of how capable you are of pushing through. Don’t doubt yourself; uplift your spirit and speak to the giant inside of you. You can, and you will get through it.

@txshay

Kellye Stephens | Founder and Creator of Eyllek Skin Care

Marcus Owens

I would say, we don’t go through storms to forget. Instead, we go through them to be transformed and renewed. There is always an opportunity in a room full of setbacks. It starts with one decision to live with purpose, on purpose.

eyllekskincare.com @eyllekskincare @eyllekskincare

Serena Nair | Photographer & President of a Non-Profit

As insurmountable something may seem, it is only temporary. Rather than stressing out over how challenging something may seem- the best way to get past it is to take a step back, breathe and approach the situation with a level head. In most situations people fear challenges because they fear failing, but failure should be embraced so you can learn, grow and become stronger because of it. Life is a learning experience with ups and downs and no matter the challenge you will always find a way through it in your own time.

@serenanair bueye2eye.com @serandbelphotography

Gretchen Williams | realtor

Trust in the Lord and have faith in yourself. Break down the challenge into small pieces- monthly, weekly, hourly, daily and even by the hour.

@gretchenwilliams_realtor @GretchenWilliamsDFW

  Tereney McDowell | Logistics Pro | Yoga Instructor | Mental Health Vlogger

Pause, take a few deep breaths, and take several mental steps away from the situation. You may just be standing too close to the picture to see all of it. Once you can see the full masterpiece (or mess), you can start to differentiate all the different parts that make up this one big thing. Find the parts that are easiest/fastest to work on, then move through the more difficult parts until you make it to the end. Nothing is impossible, sometimes you just have to change your perspective in order to get a better idea of what is in front of you.

@alana_not_graceful youtube.com/channel/UC-SNYD_UsV_gMpfjxvD67LQ/featured?view_as=subscriber

Ocielia Gibson | Former Miss Black USA | Model Coach & Founder, More Than a Pretty Face

@moderndayqueen

Hit it from EVERY angle possible. As I share with my clients, conquer complex problems with complex solutions. Brainstorm and strategize how you will address it spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, etc. Make every effort to take powerful, wise actions that move you forward in conquering the challenge – no matter how big.

morethanaprettyface.org @ocielia

 Leena Snoubar | Blogger & Labor and Delivery Nurse

I believe God wouldn’t put you through any challenge that you wouldn’t be able to handle! Do your best, stay positive, and leave the rest up to Him.

withloveleena/ youtube.com/channel/UCFlVeT7oDLA2JhU57Ed3JKA?view_as=subscriber withloveleena.com

Paige Kuykendall

My best advice would be to trust Jesus. God already knows. He holds our tomorrows because He’s the only one that’s already seen them. If you’re facing something and you feel like you can’t see the end, give it to Him. He knows you and He is absolutely in love with you. Find peace in that.

@paigekuykendall 

The post Perspective & Advice for Those Facing Insurmountable Odds appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2019/07/09/perspective-advice-facing-insurmountable-odds/