#ymmv disclaimer of course

[incomingalbatross]

Broke: Fan stuff that makes Watson a deliberately unreliable and untruthful narrator.

Woke: Arthur Conan Doyle, who understood when retconning FINA that having to say Holmes lied to Watson for three years was still preferable to saying Watson had lied to us.

[incandescent-ruins]

every time i think abt tv glow i am so grateful to my past self for transitioning. its done. there is still time but i don't need there to be in that way, ive taken those steps and im done with it. im happy as i am now. transitioning has, for me, been as successful as it can be really

[minisugakoobies]

Ashes Falling | MYG

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: smut, crack, DadYoongi!AU, BadCop!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: weapons - guns, switching POVs, angst!, allusions to murder, mentions of blood/wounds, fighting (hand-to-hand), shooting, Yoongi shows off that tongue technology (oral sex - f receiving), rough fucking (protected sex), Yoongi is not a good guy (ymmv)

Word Count: 5.3k (whoops)

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: I see the ashes falling out your window There's someone in the mirror that you don't know And everything was all wrong So burn it till it's all gone

A/N: And we've reached the end! This series came out of absolutely nowhere thanks to @minttangerines's beautiful brain and it's been fun just writing with no plan and no expectations. Thank you for riding along! 💜

Chapter title and summary from Agust D's masterpiece Burn It 🔥

Unbeta’d as usual. I’d love to know what you think - my inbox is always open! 💕

Part 6 💵 Bad Cop Masterlist

Then

Yoongi sits across from you, one hand resting on the dining table, the other playing with a glass of whisky. Around and around, the caramel liquid swirls. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear he was trying to hypnotize you. 

And it might work, if you were anyone else. Of course, anyone else would already be under the handsome man’s thrall. Especially the way he looks tonight - in his tailored suit, bespoke undoubtedly, since money is apparently no object for him, and with his dark hair slicked back to reveal more of his gorgeous face.

When he’d asked you to dinner tonight, you’d felt a slight thrill of victory, knowing that your plan was working. You’d succeeded so far in inserting yourself into his life. All the secrets the Bureau wanted so desperately for you to discover were practically within your grasp. You just needed a sign from him to confirm that you’re in. 

“So are you thinking of extending your contact?” Yoongi asks, sipping at his drink. You’d told him when you’d first met that you were working for Da-som’s school for a year, with the option to extend if the school agreed. He speaks casually, almost disinterestedly, but you can hear the true question beneath - are you staying?

“I think so. I really like it here.” 

A hint of a smile crosses his face at your answer. Long fingers reach into the inside pocket of his jacket and produce a cigarette, which he lights with the click of a flashy silver lighter. There’s not supposed to be any smoking in this restaurant, but no one’s going to stop the chief detective of the city’s police force, and he knows it. It’s a power move. 

“Good,” is all he says, blowing a smoke ring towards the ceiling. 

Anyone other than you would be affected by his reaction. By the heated look he gives you, gaze slipping down your face, down to your waist, and back. Not you, though. You know better than to fall for any of this. 

This is what you remind yourself as you push your thighs together, trying to still the sudden throbbing there. 

Your waiter returns with the bill and Yoongi simply reaches into his pocket, dropping a stack of cash on the tray without looking. Another power move. 

“Thank you for dinner,” you smile shyly, setting down your dessert fork. “I’m - I’m glad you asked me. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you better these last few weeks.” 

He leans forward, reaching his hand across the table to where yours is resting. When his fingers tap you, you flip your hand over and he slides his hand on top of yours. You immediately register something cool and hard between your palms. 

“Me too,” he says softly. “And I don’t want to stop.” 

He pulls his hand back a little, curling your fingers around what he’s left behind. Yoongi stands, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it as he bows. 

“I’ll be waiting,” he murmurs, lips humming against your skin, and then he walks away. You track him as he saunters confidently through the crowded room, until he reaches the entrance of the restaurant and vanishes. 

Opening your hand, you stare down at the piece of plastic lying there. A room key, to the hotel next door. There it is - your sign. 

The excitement that blazes through you is the ecstasy of knowing you’ve succeeded. Of realizing that you’re one step closer to the win, and nothing else.

This is what you tell yourself as you rise to your feet, and follow. 

Now

Your bag rests on the passenger seat as you hurtle down the highway. The car you’re driving is a piece of shit, but you were in no position to barter when you’d asked Seokjin if he had anything you could borrow to finish your mission. He’d called a friend of a friend and mere minutes later you were on your way. 

The police cruiser is still at Seokjin's, along with Jungkook. Your partner had been sleeping when you’d left, whispering a quick goodbye, telling him to stay put and rest while you finished the job. Seokjin promised he’d take care of him and you had no doubt that he would be safe there. 

The car’s shocks are fairly worn, meaning every little bump in the road sends your satchel bouncing. Instinctively, you reach out, searching until you find the little key tucked away in an inner pocket. The cold metal soothes you as you clutch at it anxiously. This is it, the final key to bringing Yoongi down. 

Your plan is, frankly, insane. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Thankfully, Seokjin gave you access to his personal arsenal, which is not small. But even if you’re strapped to the teeth, you’ll practically need a miracle. 

However, you’re not the praying type. Your faith resides solely in yourself. So you breathe deeply, and keep your eyes firmly on the road as you run through your plan again and again in your mind. 

As the bay comes into view, you pull over, parking the car near the entrance to the neighborhood where Yoongi’s second house resides. You’ll have to go on foot from here, to remain unseen by his men. Yoongi’s too careful to leave this place unmanned. 

You approach the fence bordering his mansion, peering between the iron bars. His vacation home is massive, a sprawling ode to excess, flaunting his new wealth. The layout of the place is fresh in your mind, thanks to floor plans stolen from the developer. Unfortunately, that’s not going to help you much if you’re outnumbered by Yoongi’s men. If only you could’ve waited for sundown, to give you more cover, or waited for backup, but right now you don’t have the luxury of time. 

A hand suddenly slips over your mouth and your eyes widen as someone presses their body against your back. Fuck! You grasp at their arm, readying yourself to attack, when a familiar voice hisses, “Don’t scream! It’s me.” 

“Jungkook! What the fuck!” 

Your partner releases you. He’s a little paler than usual, but otherwise looks like himself, even in Seokjin’s clothing, a black t-shirt tucked under a Kevlar vest, colorful sleeve of tattoos bright in the midday sun. 

“Did you really think I was gonna let you do this alone?” He grins, ignoring your scowl. “Now what’s the plan?” 

There’s no point in arguing with him. He’s here now, and even though you’re full of conflicting emotions - anger that he didn’t listen to you, guilt that you’re the reason he got injured - the feeling that overrides them all is pure, intense relief. Of course he’s by your side. You’re not alone.

It doesn’t take long to fill him in. You’re basically just going in there with guns blazing, hoping to fight your way to where you believe Yoongi’s safe sits, holding the box with the secrets that little key will unlock. 

Jungkook just nods when you’ve finished. “Got it.”

“We should probably call for backup.” 

“Already did, on the way here. They’ll be here as fast as they can, but something tells me that you don’t want to wait.” 

“I don’t.” You need this to be over, now. 

“Okay then. Ready when you are.” 

“Jungkook.” You pause, unsure how to say this. “I’m sorry. For everythi- ”

But he stops you with a shake of his head. “None of that. We’ve got a job to do.” He cups his hands, waiting to give you a boost over the fence. “Come on. You lead. I’ll follow. Like always.” 

With a nod of your own, you step onto his hands, and climb the fence.

Then

Yoongi glances at his watch. It’s only been five minutes since he left you sitting at the table, but it feels much, much longer. Too long. He loosens his tie a bit as he waits. His suit jacket is folded over the back of the chair beside the bed. The room is quiet. 

Is he rushing things? It’s very like him to do that. He could move more slowly with you. But, well, he doesn’t want to. He wants you now.

Which is why he’s here, perched on the edge of the bed, staring at the door. Waiting.

It’s not just about sex. If Yoongi only wanted to get his dick wet, he wouldn’t have to take anyone out on several dates first. That’s not arrogance - it’s a fact that he radiates power, and women are attracted to that. And he knows he looks good. He has mirrors. 

No, it’s more than that - although he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t been imagining this moment since the first time he saw you in Da-som’s classroom. He’d been so distracted by your beauty at the parent-teacher conference that he’d accidentally agreed to chaperone a class trip, just nodding along to whatever you were saying while picturing what you’d look like if he bent you over your desk right then and there. But beyond his baser needs, there’s something else. Something that draws him to you. He senses a kindred spirit. He needs to know how deep that connection goes.

There’s a loud click and the door suddenly opens. Yoongi stands as you enter. 

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long,” you say, biting your lip before smiling sweetly. 

In just three steps he’s across the room, pulling you into his arms for a passionate kiss. 

He quietly orders you to lift your arms, and the gorgeous dress you’d worn to dinner crumples into a soft ball of fabric on the ground. With sure steps he maneuvers you towards the bed, helping you sit on the edge, kindly freeing your breasts from the confining corsetry of your bra as he goes. While you settle onto the soft sheets, he slides your panties down your legs, taking care to rake his fingers along the soft skin there, delighting in the way you shudder at his touch. 

The plush carpet gives way beneath his knees as he kneels, leaning over to kiss you, getting lost in the incredible softness of your lips for a moment, until your hands reach for the buttons on his shirt. His hands lightly push yours away as he shakes his head. 

“Not yet, baby.” 

“But I wanna see you,” you say, pretty mouth turning down in a lovely little pout. “It’s not fair that I’m naked and you’re not.”

He just chuckles. Smoothly, he undoes one cufflink, then the other, rolling his sleeves to his elbows. His forearms flex with the motion, drawing your attention, and he smirks. 

“Don’t worry,” he assures you, “I’ll still put on a good show for you.” 

He kneels again, gently pressing his fingers into the bare skin of your stomach, urging you to lie back. One of your thighs comes to rest on his shoulder, then the other. With one hand he spreads your folds, saliva flooding his mouth at the glistening sight in front of him. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, you look good enough to eat.” 

You mewl as he kisses your dripping cunt, over and over, getting his mouth all sticky with your desire. Yoongi always follows through on his promises, and this is no exception. You can’t tear your eyes away from the dark-haired man as he rubs his lips, his tongue, his nose all over you, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Occasionally your head drops back, your eyes closing as if overwhelmed by the sensations, but then they immediately open again, not wanting to miss a second. 

“Yoongi.” 

Panting moans fill Yoongi’s ears as he drowns in you. When he finds the right rhythm with his tongue on your clit, a rapid lapping that has your hips lifting off the bed, he slides a finger inside your slick warmth, then two, three, and your moans become cries. Pleas, broken and desperate, begging him for more. 

Impatience roars up inside him again and he lets your legs slide from his broad shoulders. His cock aches as he tears off his clothing, sheathing himself with the condom waiting in his pocket, and you’ve barely moved up on the bed to make room for him when he’s sliding inside you. Fuck. So warm, so tight. A space carved out just for him. 

The headboard smacks into the wall repeatedly as Yoongi thrusts into you, hips slapping your ass with every sharp snap. You’re babbling, an endless stream of words pouring from your mouth, but the only words Yoongi can make out are “Yoongi” and “more.” 

“You want more, baby? I’ll give you everything. Anything you could ever want.”  

He goes harder, faster, driving his cock deeper and deeper. His hands grope at your breasts, your ass, as you take everything he has to give. When he feels your walls start to constrict, it’s almost a relief, because he’s not going to last much longer. And sure enough, when your orgasm hits, your cunt grips his cock so tightly that he cums, head dropping onto your chest as he fills the condom with his hot release.  

He lies that way, cheek pressed into the curve of your breast, breathing heavily as you both come down. From here, he can feel your heart pounding. It’s not identical to the way his own drums, but instead compliments it, a wild syncopation beating along to the steady pulse of his own tempo. His fingers tap along your sternum. 

“Is that morse code?” Your voice is just barely above a whisper, as if you don’t want to shatter the peaceful stillness of the moment. 

He lifts his head, smiling. “That’s your heartbeat. I’m playing along.” 

“Playing what, my collarbones?” 

“My piano.” His fingers dance over imaginary keys, caressing your skin so, so gently. 

“I didn’t know you had a piano. Or that you could play.” 

There’s so much you don’t know about him. So much he wants to show you. But he knows that it will take time. He has to ease you into his world. 

“I’ll play for you sometime,” he says, crawling up your body until his face hovers over yours. “If you’d like.” 

“I would like that. Very much,” you reply, lips curling into a shy grin, and he kisses it away until you’re breathless. 

Eventually, he has to go. He needs to get home to Da-som. Yoongi can defeat any enemy - except a babysitter with a curfew. 

He sits on the edge of the bed, fixing his tie, as you watch him from beneath the sheets. “The room’s paid for until tomorrow, so you can stay all night if you want. Order some room service in the morning. Treat yourself, sweetheart.” 

The corner of your mouth twitches. “You keep calling me that.” 

“Is that okay?” 

In reply, you pull him in for another kiss, and he sighs, wishing he could stay. Or take you home with him. But he’s not ready to have that conversation with Da-som yet. Even though he’s rushing everything else. 

He taps his fingers on your chest. “Sleep well, sweetheart.” 

He starts to rise, but you grab his wrist, holding him in place. 

“Yoongi. I don’t…” 

He says nothing, waiting for you to find your words. 

“I don’t do this with every father I meet, you know,” you finish, flashing that beautiful bashful smile again.

“Just me?” 

“Just you.” Your hand reaches out to straighten his tie, but then you gently brush your fingertips over his chest, mimicking his actions from earlier. Tap-tap-tap. 

In that moment, Yoongi knows. He’ll do anything for you. Like he told you earlier, when he was wrapped in your arms - he’ll give you anything you want. 

All you have to do is ask. 

Now

Bodies. So many bodies, scattered around the grounds of his house. Yoongi blinks dispassionately at them all. He thought he’d hired the best. Clearly, he was wrong. 

Yoongi honestly hadn’t known what to expect when he and Jimin arrived at his house on the bay. One of his guards had called him while he was on his way here and alerted him that you’d been spotted near the fence bordering his property. He’d hoped that when he got here, he’d find you waiting for him, tied to a chair by one of his guards. But it appears that he’d underestimated your skills, if you managed to take out so many of his men at once. 

No one appears to be dead, but they’re all knocked out or wounded. Interesting. Are you afraid to use lethal force? Or are you just saving your best shots for him? 

Together, he and Jimin sweep the first floor, finding nothing but his more useless guards. With a few silent signals, Jimin indicates that he’s going to scout ahead, and begins to climb the stairs. Yoongi watches him disappear down the hallway with a growing sense of unease. He tightens his grip on his gun. 

Jimin reappears after a moment, shaking his head. There’s only the other end of the hallway to explore now. The master suite is down that way. Where, in one of the walk-in closets, nestled in the corner, sits Yoongi’s safe. 

Maybe you’re not here. Maybe you’re already gone, with the contents of the safe firmly in tow. Maybe it’s all over, and any second now, this place will be swarming with feds. For the briefest of moments, Yoongi feels the strangest sense of relief at the thought. 

And then the moment is broken as a very loud “God damn it!!�� rings out. 

Jimin instinctively points his gun in the direction of the screaming. It’s coming from the master suite. Yoongi joins him at the top of the stairs. 

“It’s her,” he states in a hushed tone. “That’s her voice.” 

“Sounds like someone might be giving her a rough time?” 

There are no other sounds coming from the direction of the suite. No more curses, no scuffling, none of the sickening noises that a human body makes when someone else is beating the shit out of it.

“Nah. She’s working on the combination.” 

“At least it sounds like it’s not going well.” 

For the moment. You have the key to the safe, but it’s a dual lock system, requiring a combination as well. Yoongi has no doubt you’ll figure out the date he used. It’s just a matter of time. 

So he’d better not give you any more. 

Yoongi grimaces, the gun suddenly heavy in his hands. “You ready?” 

Jimin nods. 

Silently, they creep forward. The door to the master suite looms at the end of the hall, and Yoongi feels his already frantic pulse increasing with every step. 

And then a floorboard creaks under Yoongi’s foot. Loudly. 

Both men pause, staring at one another. Listening. Waiting. 

The door at the end of the hall starts to open. Jimin dives into an empty room to his left, while Yoongi dashes into the bathroom on his right

The mirror mounted on the wall faces towards the end of the hallway. As Yoongi hides, he stares at the reflection of the person emerging from the suite. Shit, it’s Jungkook, gun drawn as he carefully sweeps the other open rooms down the hall. So much for Jimin’s incredible marksman skills - the rookie cop slash undercover agent doesn’t look any worse for wear, let alone dead. 

The door at the end of the hall opens again. Yoongi’s breath catches. With a fiercely determined expression on your face and that gun in your hand, you look nothing like the sweet, shy teacher he met all those months ago. A mirthless chuckle bubbles up in his chest. He clenches his jaw to keep it down. Funny how he was right - you are a kindred spirit, after all. Just a funhouse version of one. Staring at him from the other side of the mirror.

“Jungkook,” he hears you whisper, tracing your partner’s footsteps. “Where are you?” 

“In here. Did you crack it?” Jungkook reappears, gun lowered, and - 

BANG!

A bullet slices through the air between you and Jungkook. The two of you immediately dive, raising your guns in the direction of the gunshot - which, of course, was just Jimin announcing his presence. 

“Drop your weapon and come out!” you shout. 

Jimin just laughs, shaking his head. “Does that shit ever work?”

“Goddamn it, it’s that maniac again,” you hiss, loud enough for Yoongi to hear. 

“Did you miss me, love?” Another wild cackle. Yoongi glares at the younger man, but says nothing, not wanting to give away his location. 

Faster than lightning, Jimin fires another shot towards the end of the hall. 

“Fuck!” Jungkook yells, placing himself between you and the line of sight to the room where Yoongi can see Jimin crouching just inside. “Get back in there and keep trying! I’ll handle this asshole.” 

As soon as the door closes behind you, Yoongi looks at Jimin. He points to himself and then the door at the end of the hall. Jimin nods. 

“Oh, you will, will you?” Jimin taunts Jungkook. He grins at Yoongi. “I think - HEY!” Jimin dives aside as a bullet pierces the doorway, embedding itself firmly in the open door that Jimin was just leaning against. “You son of a bitch, you almost clipped my hair!” 

“Next one’s going in your forehead!” 

“As if you could hit my forehead!” 

“How can I miss a target that big?” 

“THAT’S IT!” Jimin roars. “YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?” He rolls up his sleeves, giant snake tattoo on his arm practically dancing as he clenches his fists. 

“Yeah! You already took one from me! It’s time for payback!” 

Jimin unbuckles his harness, letting the weapons hit the floor. “Then let’s do this! I’ll tear you apart with my bare hands!”

“LET’S GO, MOTHERFUCKER!” Jungkook screams, and suddenly there are two blurs flying down the hallway towards each other. They collide with a loud “whump!” and Yoongi quickly slips out of the bathroom and towards the master suite. 

He opens the door slowly, much slower than the adrenaline coursing through his body wants him to, but he doesn’t want you to hear him entering. The two men behind him pay no attention, lost in their frenzy, powerful blows landing left and right. Yoongi closes the door just as carefully, twisting the knob so the lock clicks quietly into place. 

Gun raised, he takes one step towards the closet. Then another. The door is wide open, but the closet is so big that he can’t see the safe in the corner. Or you. 

As soon as he crosses the threshold, there’s a loud shriek as you jump out from behind the door and tackle him. His gun goes flying. He lands on his side, the breath in his lungs whooshing out hurriedly as you roll on top of him, thighs straddling his chest. 

“Don’t. Fucking. Move.” You cock your gun, aiming it straight at his head. “I knew that maniac didn’t come alone.” 

Although your hands are steady, your chest rises with every panting breath you take, Yoongi notes. He feels his entire tensed body relax. You’re scared.

Good.

Yoongi smirks. “What are you gonna do, sweetheart? Shoot me?” He grabs the barrel of your gun as you gasp, but your finger doesn’t squeeze the trigger, even when he pulls it down until it presses into his forehead. “Go ahead.” 

“Stop it!” You try to yank your gun free, but he refuses to let go. You tug harder and harder, until he finally relinquishes his grip, and the force of your momentum throws you off balance. Yoongi scrambles to grab his gun as you’re knocked into a pile of hangers and clothing lying in a heap on the ground. When you rise, there’s a bright red line of blood seeping down your cheek, from where a hanger has cut you.

The two of you face off, guns drawn. Yoongi tuts. 

“Oh, sweetheart, your face. That looks nasty.” 

“Don’t call me that,” you snarl. 

“No? But I thought you liked it?” 

“I never did.” 

“Ah. Right. All part of the game, huh?” Yoongi laughs. “None of it was real, huh.” 

“It’s all over now.” Blood trickles down your cheek, dripping onto the pristine white carpet below. “Put the gun down, Yoongi. Think about Da-som. Think about -”

“No!” Yoongi takes a step forward. You hold your ground, but he swears he catches a flash of fear in your eyes. He should know, he’s seen it many times before. “Don’t you fucking tell me what to do! No one tells me what to do! I make the rules around here. I call the shots!” 

“Not anymore! We know everything. Everything. Your empire is burning down, Yoongi - don’t throw your life away trying to protect ashes!” 

“Oh, you know everything?” The mad laughter that’s been choking him finally slips past his lips. “Do you really? Fuck! You have no fucking idea!” Another step forward. He keeps his gun raised, but he’s cackling so wildly that his aim is all over the place. “Do you have any idea what I would’ve done for you? What I would’ve given you? Anything you wanted, anything you needed, it all would’ve been yours!”

“It wasn’t real, Yoongi!” 

“IT WAS REAL TO ME!” 

You freeze, eyes wide, as his shout echoes through the suite. Faintly, Yoongi can hear Jungkook and Jimin still fighting in the hallway. But it’s dead silent in the closet, where you’re still gazing at his face, as if searching for some sort of sign. 

Yoongi lowers his gun. He closes the gap between you, ignoring that your gun is now pointed directly at his heart, and reaches out with steady fingers.

Tap-tap-tap 

The silence in the closet is stifling, pressing in on him. But then you take in a shuddery breath. When Yoongi dares to look up, he sees tears in your eyes. 

But time, it seems, has run out. 

In the distance, but growing closer, he can hear the blaring wail of sirens. 

“YN!” Jungkook yells. The doorknob rattles. “Are you okay in there?” 

Yoongi’s fucked. He’s going down, and -

“Go,” you whisper. “You have to run.” 

There’s a loud thumping. Jungkook must be trying to break the door down with brute force. He’ll probably go grab his gun and try to shoot his way in next. Or any moment now, agents are going to come crashing through the windows. These are the panicked thoughts that race through Yoongi’s mind and prevent him from understanding what you’ve said. You drop your gun and grab his arms, shaking him. 

“Yoongi! Do you hear me? You have to run!” There’s a ferocity in your eyes that Yoongi’s never seen in anyone’s gaze but his own. “I know you have a back way out of here. You have to go now. Yoongi? Hey!” 

SMACK!

There’s a white-hot sting on his cheek. 

“Fuck, sweetheart!” He rubs away the pain left behind by your slap. 

A ghost of a smile crosses your face. The door has stopped shaking. “Listen, Jungkook will be in here any second. My team is likely already setting up a barricade and surrounding the place. You have to get to the water. Grab Da-som, start running, and never look back.” 

Da-som. Son of a bitch, he can’t lose her. The weight of everything he stands to lose finally comes crashing down. “Fuck, what have I done?” 

There’s a shout from the hallway, a berserker cry, and Yoongi realizes Jimin must have rallied for one last attack. Quickly, you take Yoongi’s hands, guiding him to stand again, and then lead him to the far corner of the master bedroom, where you push aside a bookshelf to reveal a darkened passageway, hidden from the outside. You really did know everything.

Or at least, now you do. 

The screaming sirens have stopped. Yoongi can hear voices out on the lawn. 

“I know you said you’re the one calling the shots, but you need to listen to me now. I’ll take care of everything else. But you - you can’t ever resurface, Yoongi. This is a one-time deal. Take Da-som and disappear. Please,” you whisper, clutching his hands. “Please, do this. If not for Da-som, if not for you - do it for me.” 

Even with his impending doom hovering just on the other side of the bedroom door, Yoongi can’t stop the way he feels. Of course he’ll run. 

Anything for you. 

Footsteps begin to echo throughout the house. Yoongi pulls you into his arms, embracing you one last time as his lips crash onto yours.

And then he runs.

Epilogue

You open the door to your apartment, kick off your shoes, and flop onto the couch. Another fucking long day. The planning for your latest mission is completely draining your energy. For not the first time in recent weeks, you wonder if you should listen to Jungkook’s advice and put in for that time off request. You could definitely use the break. 

Unconsciously, your fingers rub at the scar on your cheek. It hasn’t hurt for years, but in the last few weeks, it’s been itching like crazy. Jungkook always jokes that he can tell that it’s going to rain whenever his bullet wound aches. You wonder what the scar is trying to tell you. 

Eventually, you drag yourself off the couch and shuffle down the hallway towards the bathroom, dying for a shower. But then you hear a soft sound coming from the door behind you, like something’s sliding along the floor, and you freeze.

There’s an envelope laying in the entryway. Instinctively, you place a hand on the holster of your gun as you peer through the peephole. No one there. No one in the hallway, either, when you open your door. 

The envelope has your first name on it, nothing else. With careful fingers, you tear it open, and read the scrap of paper inside:

35.9285° N, 128.5774° E

Coordinates. To what location? 

You flip it over: 

I’ll be waiting.

You sink onto the couch, staring so intently at the words that you’re surprised the paper doesn’t burst into flames from the intensity of your gaze. 

It’s been five years with no word on Yoongi’s whereabouts. Once Jungkook finally knocked out Jimin and shot the door open, he’d found you lying on the floor, pretending to be unconscious. Yoongi had given up and fled the scene. The Bureau believed your story, likely helped by the fact that Yoongi had left behind his safe and all the secrets it contained. His empire crumbled.

Even though Yoongi’d evaded your capture, you were hailed as the hero of the day and moved on to the next case. And the next, and the next. Days turned into months turned into years. 

Once the mission was over, you never brought it up again. Occasionally, Jungkook or Seokjin would try to get you to talk. But you simply told them that you had nothing to say. The case was closed. 

(To say nothing of your heart.) 

And yet… it wasn’t entirely true. If you’d chosen to talk to your friends, you might have told them that you still found yourself thinking about it from time to time. About Yoongi. And where he was. That sometimes, when you couldn’t sleep, you’d scour countless resources, searching for him. Yet no matter how much you looked, you never found a single sign.

Until, maybe, now. You glance at the paper, and it dawns on you what it really is.

A key. 

…

You rise to your feet.

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I know it is only anybodys guessing really, and I truly do not want to sound like 'the historian' but you would go as far as calling these relationships of napoleon 'homoerotic'? Why? Couldn't it be the case of him having just very warm attitude and be close to his friends like that?

Again nothing against it, but I needed to ask since I as well am the person to get alike towards my close friends and I don't feel it having any attraction undertones.

Thank you for the ask! As usual for me, my response got really long.

I mean correct! It’s literally anyone’s guess. Who knows? Certainly not me! Certainly no one who is alive right now!

I’m just a queer on the internet having fun who sees Napoleon and goes "ah yes, a chaotic bisexual even though the concept of modern sexual identity wasn't a thing in his time etc. etc. [insert all the other usual disclaimers required on this webbedsite]" so that's why.

[How do I know he’s a chaotic bi? Well, it’s very simple, he couldn’t sit properly in a chair, liked to sit on his secretaries’ laps, pull their ears, and tell them Fun Facts he learned that day, and wanted to make the tsar of Russia his mistress. He also dearly loved Josephine and wrote about how he liked going down on her. This is clear proof that he was a chaotic bi king and we should be so lucky to know this about him. ;)]

I'm also a writer who likes to slap a queer lens onto most things because that's how I role and I'm very unapologetic about it. Which most people who follow me know.

I’m also someone who has incredibly deep, intimate friendships with a close selection of people in my life that are not romantic/sexual or whatever in their nature—but they are incredibly intimate. They are friendships where partners of my friends have been jealous and insecure because of how close we are—which is a them problem, not an us problem.

I would go so far as to argue that friends are more likely to slot into that problematic category of “soulmate” than anyone romantic (ymmv). And from the outside, I’m sure people might read my friendships with a few people (have read them, in fact) as romantic/homoerotic and frankly I don’t care. Whatever. I know what my friendships are, why does it matter what other people read them as? More to the point, why does it matter that someone reads a dead person’s friendships as homo-something? How does that impact my friendships which may, or may not, mirror that dead person’s friendships? Who cares? One should love one’s friends however one wishes to. Fuck everything else.

--

In an effort to avoid the Great Queer Napoleon Discourse War of 2013-14 I shall include a disclaimer because hot damn do people get REALLY uppity about this: I’m a writer, first and foremost in all things. I’m not a historian. As noted above, I’m a queer fag on the internet having fun. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

(Honestly, doing anything with Napoleon’s sexuality aside from He Was the Straightest Straight Who Ever Straighted, gets everyone’s hackles raised. I think that says more about those with hackles up than it does the person going: maybe he might have had a bit of a queerness about him, it’s not implausible.)

--

Some general stuff on Napoleon & That Doesn’t Seem Entirely Straight, Even For the 18th and 19th Century:

From Cronin’s biography on Napoleon:

“Napoleon found that his friendships with men often began with physical attraction, and this took a curious form. ‘He told me,’ says Caulcaincourt, ‘…that for him the heart was not the organ of sentiment; that he felt emotions only where most men experience feelings of a different kind; nothing in the heart, everything in the loins and in another place, which I leave nameless.’ 

The feeling Napoleon described as ‘a sort of painful tingling, a nervous irritability…the squeaking of a saw sometimes gives me the same sensation’.”

In addition, Talleyrand speculated Napoleon and Bourienne were, uh, intimate in all senses of the word. Talleyrand, of course, well—one should treat his hot takes with some caution.

There is also the (in)famous letter Napoleon wrote to Josephine about Alexander where he said that he and Alexander were inordinately pleased with one another and if the tsar were a woman, he’d take Alexander as his mistress (Napoleon, honey, don’t write that to your wife).

I mean, do what you want with that. Take it for what it’s worth /shrug

---

Of the three friendships under discussion: Lannes, Duroc, Junot—I always read Lannes and Napoleon’s friendship as just friendship. Duroc and Junot though. That’s where we start getting into arguments for a homoerotic friendship—or romantic friendship, if one prefers that term.

I’ll do a little ramble for each, because they all deserve it.

Lannes

Napoleon’s friendship with Lannes was intimate, close, and they loved each other dearly—but as said, I always read them as friends. Even if they lived today and were free/able to be whatever they wanted to be to one another, it’d still just be friendship.

People did make Achilles/Patroclus references to them—particularly around Lannes’ death—but that was the mode of how people spoke back then. It’s the 19th century version of comparing everything to LOTR or Harry Potter (read another classical epic people, jeez).

Their friendship was volatile for sure—these are two hot headed, strong minded, opinionated men who were not afraid to snap and snarl at one another—but at the end of the day I do not doubt their love for each other. But it’s what we would term a platonic love.  

Brian Martin writes this in Napoleonic Friendship: Military Fraternity, Intimacy, and Sexuality in Nineteenth-century France:

Napoleon’s grief for Marshal Lannes took on the very public character of open lamentation. Rather than grieve behind closed doors and conceal his personal vulnerabilities in order to show public strength, Napoleon’s mourning for his beloved friend became a matter of great public spectacle. Like Achilles mourning his beloved Patroclus, Napoleon wept publicly and openly expressed his affection in a way that was widely reported, discussed, and admired by the officers and soldiers in his armies.

[…]

Napoleon’s public grief at the death of Jean Lannes represented a new model for social relations between soldiers in the early nineteenth-century France. weeping over his friend’s broken body, Napoleon demonstrated how the revolution and empire had made it possible not only for an emperor to grieve openly for a fallen marshal, but for a soldier to love his comrade. This uncharacteristic expression of affection between Napoleon and Lannes was echoes in similar relationships between officers and foot soldiers in Napoleon’s armies. Military memories of the first empire bear witness to a wide range of intimate relationships among generals, colonels, and captains as well as sergeants, corporals, and grunts (grognards), the infantry soldiers who made up the majority of the imperial armies. Napoleon’s love for Lannes might thus be said to represent a broad spectrum of masculine affection and intimacy in the ranks of the Grande Armée, or what could be called Napoleonic friendship.

So yeah, I’ve not much more to say on them. Their friendship was loving, affectionate, intimate, and complex. Lannes could be frustrated with Napoleon (often was, the longer Napoleon remained in power—because Lannes loved Bonaparte not the emperor), but Lannes loved his friend and Napoleon loved Lannes. But my read on them has always been that it was what we would term platonic.

------

Junot

This one is messy. Because Junot and Napoleon are messy people. I also think this one is the strongest case for “something more than friendship”. I personally believe Junot loved Napoleon in a deep, phenomenal, possibly obsessive fashion that absolutely was romantic—maybe sexual/erotic—and Napoleon for a time may have returned at least some of those feelings. Then it all went south.

I’m ripping a lot of this from a previous ask I received about Junot—since it covered a lot of the more romantic aspects of his and Napoleon’s relationship.

Junot and Napoleon were close friends when they were in their 20s. Incredibly close. Laure Junot, whose memoires one should treat cautiously, intimated that there was more than just friendship between them at this point. But if that is the case, we’ll never know for certain.

Brian Martin sums it up well (and saves me from having to dig out my copy of Laure’s memoir):

Soon after his imprisonment, Napoleon was released and exonerated, but with little money and no desire to take on a new military post in Brittany, he returned to Paris where, as Laure Junot explains, he lived with his comrade Junot and depended on his friend’s emotional and financial support … The 1794 letter from Toulon initiates a half-year period in the lives of the twenty-five-year-old Bonaparte and twenty-three-year-old Junot when … these ambitious young men relied on each other during their impecunious days in Paris. Describing how Junot “loved Bonaparte as one loves at the age” (1: 188), Laure Junot implies that the young Jean-Andoche developed an adolescent crush on Napoleon, as the two young men grew in intimacy.

[…]

Laure Junot tactfully observes many years later that it was difficult to assess the nature of these friendships [with Duroc and Junot] without offending their masculinity: “These are the very profound and abstract mysteries of the human heart. It is difficult to explain them without first wounding a man’s dignity” (11: 131).

In relegating Napoleon’s military relationships to the realm of the mysteries, Laure Junot defines Napoleonic friendship — long before “the love that dare not speak its name” was articulated by Lord Alfred Douglas in 1894 and invoked at Oscar Wilde’s trial in 1895 —as an enigmatic and unspeakable love incapable of being articulated without shaming a soldier’s manhood. Amid such ambiguity, it is unclear if such “mysteries” encompass both the emotional and the erotic. What is clearer is that Napoleon and Junot shared a degree of affection during their youth in Paris that was undeniably intimate.

As Napoleon climbed up the greasy pole, the power dynamic changed and expectations of interpersonal relationships became more formal putting a strain on his and Junot’s friendship. Junot, like many who knew Napoleon from the early days, loved Bonaparte, not the emperor. As Laure put it in her memoire: “Now let me explain the sadness and pain which afflicted Junot on learning that Napoleon was no longer his General Bonaparte of Toulon. Perhaps the affair simply followed a natural decline. But Junot … did not see it this way. He wanted reciprocity, which he craved even more as his own affectionate fantasies increased … He loved the man, not the emperor.”

In 1800, Napoleon named Junot Commandant of Paris on the condition that he marry because, it seems, there were too many rumours flying around about the two of them. (As noted above, Talleyrand was already making some “huh. Interesting closeness, there” comments about Napoleon.) Dutifully, Junot married Laure.

Junot always exhibited some signs of mental illness throughout his life and at one point he received a head wound (I forget which battle) that massively exacerbated whatever existing mental health troubles he had. (And note that this was one of many wounds - nor was it his first head wound. It’s just the one people in his own life pointed to as a moment of change.)

Junot had jealous and possessive tendencies, something that drove Napoleon a little batty, and they got worse. While Junot was in Portugal, and later Spain, he wrote Napoleon a series of desperate letters begging him to reappoint Junot as his aid-de-camp. We unfortunately don’t have these letters anymore, Napoleon was notoriously secretive and private when it came to personal correspondence and had a habit of burning lots of it. However, we do have Laure’s account of Napoleon’s reception of Junot’s pleading. Laure writes:

"Look here, Madame, what your husband writes to me!’ said the Emperor, ‘Read this and tell me if he sends you such letters."

I read these letters, and this caused me some pain: my husband sent me affectionate missives, but never in the tone of a lover; here were letters that resembled those between Julie and Saint-Preux, or those of the Portuguese nun.*

Napoleon then goes on and says:

“In admitting that Junot loves me more than anything in the world … [he demonstrates] that he does not love me more than his own ambition”

To which Laure replies:

“He loves you, Sire, more than all the honours that you can give, more than your crown, more than me perhaps, for it was pride that made me say the contrary just now, perhaps even more than his children!”

-

*Note: She’s referencing Guilleragues’s Portuguese Letters (1669) and Rousseau’s Julie or the New Héloïse (1761)

Also, as I said above, treat Laure’s accounts cautiously. As with all memoirs, she is positioning certain scenes with a purpose and some things are downplayed, or exaggerated, accordingly.

-

In 1813, Napoleon dismissed Junot from military duty and sent him off to be governor of Illyria which Junot, rightly or wrongly, saw as a form of exile. During his ambassadorship he famously entered a ballroom wearing nothing but his epaulettes and his medals. [above para' edited per conversation in the notes]

Brian Martin:

While one could blame Junot’s naked diplomacy on his progressive dementia, his shocking entrance can also be seen as a kind of buff rebuff to Napoleon. After a lifetime fighting for Bonaparte, watching shrapnel rip into young men’s bodies, leading thousands of soldiers to their deaths, and suffering twenty-seven wounds* of his own, Junot offered his own ravaged body as a hideous and spectacular product of Napoleon’s violence.

-

*Note: Junot says he had 17 wounds, not sure where Martin got 27 - unless there were wounds Junot wasn’t counting.

-

After this incident, Junot was swiftly recalled back to France where he soon after died by suicide.

In his final letter to Napoleon he wrote:

“I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours. Well then: this eternal war that we must fight for you, I want no more of! I want peace! I want finally to repose my tired head, my sore limbs … to enjoy that which I earned … with my blood! The blood of an honest man, of a good Frenchman, of a true patriot. I therefore ask, at last, for that tranquillity that I earned through twenty-two years of effective service and seventeen wounds from which my blood has flowed for my country, and for your glory.” (emphasis in original)

After Junot’s death, Napoleon ordered that Junot’s personal papers be seized and destroyed as he was afraid their personal correspondence might make its way to a public forum.

So yeah, Junot’s love for Napoleon was definitely on the romantic side, I would say. Because Napoleon burned all their correspondence we don’t know what he sent in reply to Junot—especially in the early days of their relationship. I suspect it was intimate and possibly in line with what Junot continued to send him throughout their life and like hell did Napoleon want that escaping to the public.

Anyway—Junot and Napoleon, I would argue definitely had some homoerotic/romantic undertones and such to their friendship. I think it was mutual in their 20s then Napoleon’s feelings retreated to more platonic but Junot’s never changed.

It just man, gives me strong flashbacks to when I was a teenager and one of my best friends at the time  declared herself my soulmate and carved my initials into her arm and left me a million and a half messages on the home answering machine and said that I was cold like Napoleon and she loved me for it etc. etc.

When I look at Junot and Napoleon I see myself and my old friend in all that glory of the strange complexities of young, intensely emotional and intimate friendships that absolutely blur the line into romantic/erotic.

------

Duroc

Ah sweet Duroc! Duroc who regularly compared himself to Junot in terms of his relationship to Napoleon.

Duroc to Laure Junot in May of 1813:  “Poor Junot! It’s that he’s like me! The Emperor’s friendship is our whole life.”

And again, this is from Laure’s memoirs:

‘Junot and some others,’ Duroc said to me, ‘misjudge me and misjudge my position as well. The Emperor would disgrace me if he made me a marshal of France. What would I do away from him? No doubt it’s a great honor; but my attachment to him, how could it not be affected by that distance? I love the Emperor as Junot loves him. And isn’t he going to choose the post of first aide-de-camp instead of that of governor of Paris? So why judge me otherwise!’

-

Duroc’s a hard one to pin down because he was such an exemplary marshal of the palace, in addition he left us no diaries or memoirs so we have the word of others and what survived of his letters, little else to go on.

However, I think it telling that Duroc compared himself to regularly to Junot—who everyone was aware of how he felt about Napoleon—and that Junot was so jealous of Duroc. That Junot saw Duroc as a rival for Napoleon’s affection and love but not Lannes tells me that clearly Junot could see the similarity of what Duroc and Napoleon had to what he and Napoleon may have once had but didn’t anymore. And, that Lannes was different. It was a different relationship and one that Junot didn’t find threatening.

It's also worth nothing that Duroc was the only one of Napoleon’s officers, aside from Lannes, who was allowed to use tu with Napoleon. Las Cases writes: “I’ve heard the Emperor say that in all of his military career, Duroc alone possessed his blind confidence and received all his affection … Duroc loved the Emperor for himself; he was devoted most of all to the private man, even more than to the monarch”

Duroc’s role as marshal of the palace also put him in an interesting position as a sort of quasi-wife to Napoleon. The role he played was very much a “wife” role—Cronin summarizes Duroc’s duties thus:

"Napoleon was struck by Duroc’s sweet nature, his beautiful manners and the patience which he himself lacked. So he employed his friend as a diplomat and when he became Emperor chose him to run the household and court. […] He had his hands full ensuring that the grocer did not overcharge for the Chambertin, since Napoleon would be sure to notice, and, as Napoleon put on weight, tactfully persuading the Imperial Tailor not to make new clothes but to let out the old ones a couple of inches. He also had to make peace when Napoleon lost his temper: pushing over the table, for example, when he saw crépinettes of partridge. He did this admirably, because he was devoted to Napoleon. Many a time, when the Emperor had hurt a visitor with a sharp word, Duroc would murmur on the way out: ‘Forget it. He says what he feels, not what he thinks, and not what he’ll do tomorrow.’"

No one else of Napoleon’s intimate friends really takes on that wifely role—even after Duroc’s death. Bertrand has the same role, Marshal of the Palace, and he was damn good at his job, just as Duroc was, but there was a difference in their relationship and Bertrand doesn’t read as so close and devoted on a marital level to Napoleon. Not that Bertrand didn’t love Napoleon, he did, gods know he did, but it was more in line with Lannes than Duroc or Junot.

Napoleon describes Duroc to Las Cases:

‘Duroc,’ concluded he, ‘had lively, tender, and concealed passions, little corresponding with the coldness of his manner. It was long before I knew this, so exact and regular was his service. It was not until my day was entirely closed and finished, and I was enjoying repose, that Duroc’s work begun. Chance, or by some accident, could alone have made me acquainted with his character. He was a pure and virtuous man, utterly disinterested, and extremely generous.’

[…]

When he [Napoleon] went to see Duroc, after he had received his mortal wound, he attempted to hold out some hopes to him; but Duroc, who did not deceive himself, only replied by begging [Napoleon] to make them give him opium. …

After this recollection, the emperor, with an apparent effort, began abruptly to talk of something else.

I believe that Napoleon and Duroc were able to see each other’s interiority in a way that few others were able to and that formed the basis for their affection, love and friendship.

Duroc’s letters to Napoleon, anytime they were apart, are also more intense than usual. Plenty of Napoleon’s friends wrote about wanting to be by his side when they were sent off on diplomatic missions or what have you. But Duroc’s express a particularly intense form of devotion:

Duroc to Napoleon, May 29, 1801:

I am waiting to leave, Citizen Consul, until I receive a response to the letters that I had the honor to write you, unless the circumstances or the letters I receive from Paris let me judge that I can leave earlier. I beg you to remember that I am eight hundred leagues from you and, although I’ve been well-received here, I am never better than when I am near you. (Emphasis in the original)

Duroc to Napoleon, July 7, 1801:

I have sought to conduct myself here, Citizen Consul, in a manner that would satisfy you. I am well-regarded and thought highly of everywhere because I belong to you particularly, but I will not be happy until I’m sure that I deserve your approval. I am waiting to set my departure until I know that you’ve received the letter that I had the honor to write you and that I sent with Captain Leclerc. I very much want to find myself near you as soon as possible. (Emphasis in the original)

When Napoleon offered to have Hortense marry Duroc, Napoleon’s proposition was that Duroc would receive five hundred thousand francs and be named commandant of the 8th military division and would be stationed in Toulon (Napoleon was against having a son-in-law in the house).

When the proposition was passed on to Duroc he turned it down because he didn’t want to be sent away from Napoleon’s side and if marriage meant being apart, he didn’t want it, even though from all accounts he was quite fond of Hortense (and she was fond of him).

Later, when Napoleon was having to negotiate his name in exile he said to Barry O’Meara:

“The name of General Bonaparte was the one which I bore at Campo Formio and at Lunneville, when I dictated terms of peace with the Emperor of Austria. I bore it at Amiens when I signed the peace with England. I should be proud to bear it still, but the honour of France forbids me to acknowledge the right of the King of England to annul the acts of the French people. My intention was to take the name of Duroc.”

But he felt he had to keep Emperor Napoleon in order to Make A statement.

In another account, I forget to who, he repeated his intent to have taken on Duroc’s name in exile in order to be a little more incognito/not draw attention to himself, but because England refused to acknowledge that he had been emperor he was like “fuck that, I’m going to insist on being called emperor”. So, had England not been like “you were never emperor” it’s possible Napoleon would have taken Duroc’s surname as his own.

How very married of them.

------

Apologies for the long reply. Not sure this will really answer anything, but it's an amalgamation of my thoughts.

Junot is the clearest of the homo-something friendship between Napoleon and another man. Like, I think that's a tough one to read as anything other than a messy break up. Which is why, when we were all nattering on about queering Napoleon in film yesterday, I focused so much on Junot over the others.

But same sex intimacy, even in Just Friends, can have homo-something undertones to it. Friendships can be complex, multilayered and include some romantic and erotic aspects to them. This doesn't mean those friendships are Romantic Relationships as we think of them, but if there's a romantic tinge to it, or a strong homoerotic tinge to it, then why not explore it? See where it takes the story or the interpretation and undestanding of the person and their actions. Maybe it'll go no where useful, maybe it will. Only one way to find out.

Thank you for the ask!

[pfhwrittes]

okay this is my disclaimer post for my new tag, pfh talks about england, under the readmore.

just a reminder that my askbox is open (and anon is on) for anyone who wants to ask a 'silly' (there are very few silly questions) or niche question about english culture / slang / stuff that will help with grounding a fic in realism.

remember that Your Mileage May Vary (YMMV), it's important. i don't want someone crawling into my inbox with a "well actually i live in X and you're wrong" unless of course i am giving wildly inaccurate information (eg i say that you can find scottish wildcats on the south coast of england which is factually absolute bollocks). if you are rude your ask or comment will be deleted.

when i tag something with that tag i am genuinely using my own lived experiences only (and occasionally my knowledge of something like the british wildlife post). i'll try to keep in mind regional differences but i am an english person living in wales.

if a question or comment is above my understanding or outside my own lived experiences, i will do my best to link you to resources that may help you better.

[rainbowsky]

What’s an entertainment ban in China?

That's a really broad, vague question.

There are many entertainment restrictions in China, so this question could be answered in multiple ways depending on the context you're asking about.

Disclaimer: these are tricky, politically-charged topics, and verified information can be difficult or impossible to find. What follows is my understanding based on my study of this industry over the past few years, and will of course reflect my views and values. YMMV.

I think maybe the likeliest context you were asking about is the 'ban' around specific national days or events, when people do not share or discuss topics related to entertainment or other frivolous subjects out of respect for the occasion. Fans are asked not to post about their idol at that time, as it is a sign of irreverence and disrespect and can lead to trouble for that star.

There are a wide variety of restrictions around entertainment for censorship reasons. What people are allowed to do, wear and say, who is allowed to participate in particular types of roles, etc.

There are certain entertainers who, because of their behavior or the behavior of their fans, may be quietly or openly banned from certain types of public roles or appearances, or whose projects or status in the industry might be put on hold temporarily or permanently. The severity varies depending on the situation. Zhang Zehan is someone most readers will remember as being 'cancelled' fairly comprehensively in this way.

China's entertainment industry is tightly managed by the government, with a stated goal to help shape and guide the values and behavior of the population and embody communist ideals. Entertainers who are not deemed appropriate role models, or who show through fan behavior that they aren't able to appropriately guide people onto righteous paths will come heavily under the scrutiny/punishment of the government and of the public, so these things are not trivial concerns.

If an artist's fans don't properly observe national occasions, for example, and they post a lot and discuss a lot about their star on a national day of mourning or a date of significance to the party, they would be putting that star at serious risk of being cancelled both by the government and by the public.

Over the past few years the government has openly targeted fan culture and has been cracking down heavily on it. Fan groups are viewed as leading young people astray, causing major disruptions and problems, corroding social values and overall needing to be brought under control. Many restrictions, policies and statements from the government have been enacted toward this end.

The government takes a very dim view of any group that can rapidly mobilize based on shared ideas or values that are not government-sanctioned. LGBTQ groups have been heavily targeted in recent years for this reason. Pride parades are no longer allowed, and pro-LGBTQ groups have been shut down without any warning.

It's not because homosexuality is 'illegal' or 'banned' as many Westerners assume. Homosexuality is legal in China and there are even some limited rights afforded citizens and that benefit homosexual couples (more on that in Pie's excellent post). Rather, it's because of the threat to authoritarian power that large, impassioned movements can tend to represent.

This is actually why a lot of gay men who are turtles will avoid sharing their turtle status openly; because they don't want GG and DD to appear to be leading or inspiring a political movement.

Anyway, I hope this somewhat answers your question. If it doesn't, please feel free to write back with a more specific question.

A few related posts:

Nationalistic posts and why they shouldn’t be mined for candy - directly relevant to point 1.

Propaganda and false equivalence - relevant to point 2.

Politics in the fandom - relevant to all of this.

You can also explore the related tags for more on these kinds of topics. But make sure you do so directly from my blog (rather than from your news feed) or you'll get a bunch of unrelated posts from all over Tumblr.

[bacchus90-toybox]

Kelvin, S/M. BD Metallic Blue.

Frosty.

Quick review -- I wish I had plenty of nice things to say about Kelvin.

I mean, look at him, isn't he the cutest? He's not imposing like most BD models, which is mainly why I got him. He's about the size of what I consider a good plug. You know, the sort of thing you cram up your butthole while you go grocery shopping, video gaming, or other menial activities. The plating on this thing is gorgeous, and the glans on him... to die for. I love the insertion down to however many plates I could take, but that's all the good I have to say.

Of course, as with all reviews, YMMV. Had to throw that disclaimer! For what I hoped I got him for (you know, that one toy you stuff yourself full with and kind of forget you have it in, and then you move a certain way and you're reminded it's very much still inside...), I can't really say I'm impressed. It won't stay in. Knotting him is not possible, at least with my butthole, especially when there's no wiggle room past the girth before the base. My frustration had be resorting to furiously fucking my butthole with the plated shaft (loved it), but concluded with me attempting a difficult stuffing a Fenrir. This was unsuccessful for a whole different reason. Tucker was able to save the day, somehow, especially with the way my bathroom floor was a mess with all the lube and my cramping hand.

And before anyone thinks if I didn't try hard enough, I can guarantee I surely did... I tried everything from standing, sitting, bent over, sideways, upside-down, inside-out, topsy-turvy. Okay, maybe not all of them, but still, I'd like to think I put in some really good effort. Nope. My butthole wasn't going to suck the toy up and cling to the non-existing spot between the knot and the base.

As an active thrusting fucker, he's amazing. But I'd recommend getting one size larger. That gives you more shaft to work on. I mean the small gives about 5" per the BD stats page, but I find that that's a decent amount of dick to work with. I wish he'd have been longer in Small, too, but then again I don't really always need a giant monster cock (questionable) to please my butthole with.

Final rating: C+ D for knotting, A- for thrusting. It all averages out.

Pros: I admire the head swell, and love the textures. Like, a fucking lot.

Cons: The impossible knot. Not for me. Please, no knot jokes. I kind of want to chop him up in places to make possible knotting, but also I must be mad to do that to such a beautiful toy.

Or you know, it might be that my butthole's in the wrong here and it's a me problem.

P.S. I know this review meant to be short, sorry. Will I try it again? Yes, but with a different set of expectations. I'll fuck my butthole actively thinking this is a thrusting toy.

P.P.S. "Hey, Bacch, I thought you said you're more into soft toys?" Yes, but my butthole sometimes wants a bit more of an intense experience. I have a S/S Kelvin with a CT, and that I have yet to try... Maybe one of these days, I'll get the chance to bounce on him for hours.

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

4, 13, and 23 for the ask game!

(from this ask game!)

4. Where do I find inspiration for new ideas?

A lot of my inspiration comes from the fact I’ve read a lot over the course of my life, over a wide variety of genres. Planar Tears takes inspiration from all the isekai-type/portal fantasies I’ve loved since I was a kid. (I remember closing my eyes EXTRA HARD whilst at a Roman fort, just in case I was able to slip through time and wake up in the Roman era. Fortunately for my own self-preservation, I failed at that particular time travel attempt). Similarly, In Service of Magic, is heavily fairy-tale inspired, because I read a lot of those.

Sharp Teeth and Planar Tears started with a broad idea - I wanted to write a Tav/Rolan romance set during the game, and then I wanted to write an isekai romance. After that, the question of what kind of character I want to write then informs the rest of the story, and the sources of inspiration are pretty broad and varied.

I wouldn’t really say I go out looking for inspiration. Sometimes I’ll see a bit of horny Rolan fanart that demands some smut be written for it (thank you every corseted-Rolan artist, I owe you my LIFE), but mostly it condenses from a years-long melting pot of all the stuff I’ve read and watched. And the source material of course!

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

So I answered this here, but I'll share one more: the adage that every sentence should either advance the plot or illustrate character. I try to keep that in mind, because I usually feel unfulfilled when I've wandered off the point, and this (coupled with "kill your darlings") helps me get back on track.

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

Write something you love, and do it for you. It'll be impossible to sustain writing tropes or premises you don't like for long periods, even if that's what's popular. A novel-length story is a marathon; you are unlikely to get across the finish line without significant intrinsic motivation. (Assuming you want to finish stuff. If you just want to muck about and explore bits and pieces of things, that's fine too!)

Build up your stamina. Start with shorter fics and less subplots. Writing Sharp Teeth (41k words) helped me feel ready to tackle Planar Tears (probably 120k words).

Finally, people will say "don't force it", and it will sound like I'm contradicting the first part here - but I'm here to disagree, under specific circumstances. (*YMMV obligatory disclaimer). Sometimes, you get caught in a painful tangle, and the only way out is through - and on average, you'll end up a better writer for it.

[vibingforjudaism]

,

[incoherentbabblings]

do you have any advice on writing tim, steph, and timsteph? any misteps you see people often take with them?

Ooh! Good question. I am very flattered that you think I have advice to give! I can only speak for how I like to write them. It isn't the only way to write them, or understand them, or conceive of them, but here's what I try to keep in mind when I'm writing Tim, Steph, and their relationship. Again, quick disclaimer, this is half canon and half me building up fanon or ideas that I wish had been canon. My way is not the only way, nor is it the best way. But it is the most fun way. For me. Specifically. 😉

ANYWAY. My boil it down to basics list of attributes for Tim and Steph that I tend to focus on when reading and particularly enjoy. I think some of these are not popular. But heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I do me you do you.

Tim: GENTLE, clever, a bit self absorbed, compassionate and sympathetic to others but not particularly empathetic, confident, very rarely is he insecure in his own abilities, extroverted, slow to think and act. Moves from an idealist to cynic as time goes on.

Steph: Stubborn and prideful, insecure, empathetic, forgiving, protective, does not speak often but when she does it is loud, always at an 11, whether its joy or anger or frustration or love, she's never particularly measured in her responses, introverted, quick to think and act. Moves from a cynic to idealist as time goes on.

TimSteph: They're never quite in the same headspace at the same time. There's a tension coming between them both growing up with conditional affection, so they're not quite used to the thought of the other person being with them come hell or high water. And they'll both hurt the other if that means they think the other will be better off in the long run. Dodgy communication skills is a must. They both need the other to give them a kick up the butt from time to time. They admire the other a lot, but as time has gone on they stop short of adoration. Putting the other on a pedestal ends bad for both of them, so they're painfuly aware of the other's flaws. Loving, despite them, because of them, because of that history. Understanding, why they are the way they are, even if they hate it.

That's how I picture them in my head at least! Others may find it a bit off in places. There's more specific things about their relationships with other batfam members - for instance Stephanie does not and never has hated Bruce and Tim favourite sibling is Dick yes even by the end of Red Robin - but then this ask will get too long...

I suppose a 'mistake' I see is in terms of character motivation. Now ymmv on this, but I prefer characters over plot. So, the characters drive the narrative rather than the plot making the characters do things. Sometimes I think writers, fanfic or DC themselves… kind of…forget… why Tim and Steph are where they are. I also like to do the 'character traits are virtues or vices depending on the circumstances'. It's a sliding scale, so to speak, rather than distinct bad and good unrelated attributes.

So like, yes Tim is smart. And that's a good thing. Until he thinks he's smarter than other people. Yes, Steph will never quit. And that has served her very well. Until the moment when, no, she really needs to learn to cut her losses. So you form the plot around things that will push Tim to think he's smarter than everyone else and become strident and more callous because he knows better afterall or having Steph's pride get battered and consequently she either starts becoming very reckless or seeking approval from the wrong people in order to prove her value or worth. Of course, that's for drama, but still. Same concept applies for comedy too. But I'm not as good at that.😊

[sweetpeawriter-tm]

AM I ACCESSIBLE? Accessible role-play & You!

Hello! Nia here! As a disabled person accessibility is something that's been on my mind...well for years now. But specifically in the context of tumblr and the roleplaying community. So today I'll do a little look into how to be more accessible to your roleplaying community!

Few disclaimers before we begin:

1. I am developmentally disabled with autism and dyslexia so I'm more focusing on that then something like low vision/being blind or another disability. I may touch on it based off what I've learned but I wouldn't be speaking from personal experience.

2. Obvious YMMV. People have different needs and this isn't a end all be all on how to be the best blog ever for disabled people to read. But I figured these tips would be helpful anyways.

3, If you have anymore suggestions please feel free to tell me! I'm glad to update posts or make another one!

Okay...Cue the cut!

First thing first, what does it mean to be accessible?

Now, we need to remember that every disabled person is different. So there may be a few differences among us about how we are able to read, process things, click things on browsers, etc. There are a few general trends though that I figure can help in most situations.

1. Be Willing To Change

One thing that is the most important is of course listening to us. When articles like this one go around, or your disabled rp partner explains how to make your blog better for them to navigate...listen! If someone explains that your color scheme makes it impossible to read your blog, it doesn't do any harm to ask others to test read your blog and figure out if something else works.

If you're writing with someone and they asks you to not use icons or not to format your post for any particular reason, be open to the idea of leaving off the bold and small letters for one thread if you're able. Really be able to work with your partner, this is also just general advice outside of accessibility tbh.

2. Color Schemes and Blog Themes

Listen, as someone with some issues reading and looking at screens.....this is a major issue I've noticed. Color scheme wise I think most people know what I mean but like picking a bright red background with bright pink letters is a no go. Please make sure to test run your color schemes if you can to make sure they are actually readable! No dark letters on dark backgrounds. or super similar colors used together as background and text!

Another issue is when people separate the pages on their blogs with tiny dots on the screen. Like when their bio page can only be found by clicking the pink and red flower on a blog theme made of only pink flowers... Yeah stop doing that. No offense, not only is that just plain frustrating in general, for people with vision issues it makes the site overly complex to navigate/possibly impossible to navigate.

I get wanting a pretty blog really! But at least have the important things like your character's bio and your rules be somewhere eye grabbing and easy to get too.

And this probably goes unsaid but, no flashing things when making a blog. Flashing lights or colors. Like even a little, I get migraines personally but there are people who get much worse from flashing colors so please just avoid doing that at all.

Quick go over; keep blog colors readable and easy on the eyes, have a option for easy navigation and don't use a ton of flashy things to make your blog 'stand out' it just makes it harder for disable people to read your content!

3. Formatting!

Formatting is. For me personally, hell to read. Can I read it? Yes. Does it hurt? Very much so. Having bold wording for emphasis or things like that are fine. But people sometimes use different (and very bright) colors on random words, or make their letters verrrry small. Or add extra spacing randomly. Which is really hard for people who are learning disabled to read.

However some formatting can actually be useful! Like bolding "" when a character speaks! Or using this when a character is thinking! These cues help establish context for what we're reading! Even extra spacing can help as long as it's consistent. When done randomly for the aesthetic however it doesn't really do anything other then make us read things over and over. This has led me personally to respond to things incorrectly cause I can't actually read the reply and tbh. I just guess! (Don't be like me...communicate!)

At the very least when, as stated above, writing muse bio's or blog rules. Keep the formatting to a min if possible! I love reading head-canons and lore but the reemergence of formatting has made it quite difficult to understand what anyone is really typing.

Also don't get upset if someone misreads anything when you use heavy formatting. Trust me it is just as upsetting to not feel like I'm smart enough to read a tumblr blog post.

4. Resources

Here are some good resources I found that may help keep tumblr a disabled friendly place to roleplay in!

https://lifeofablindgirl.com/2018/09/19/10-ways-to-make-your-blog-accessible-for-people-with-a-visual-impairment/

https://www.afb.org/consulting/afb-accessibility-resources/how-make-your-blog-accessible

*wipes sweat from forehead* Okay I hope these tips help a little when designing your next cool rp blog or when doing a makeover for a muse page. Again, I'm totally open to suggestions and rewrites on my part as I'm still learning on how to be better every day!

See ya next time! <3

[billsfangearring]

[Rec List] The Wolfstar Yearbook: 2006

Happy hump day! I’ve selected and reviewed what I consider to be the five best, most memorable Wolfstar fics completed in 2006. 

Fics Reviewed:

The Hush of Waiting by victoria_p (musesfool)

The Innocence of Wolves by GatewayGirl

Pilgrimage by Rosie_Rues (rosemaryandrue)

We’ll Both Forget the Breeze by happiestwhen

The Winter of Discontent by Rosie_Rues (rosemaryandrue)

Reviews below the cut. My other Wolfstar rec lists can be found here.

Disclaimers:

My selections are based on my subjective taste and what I personally have read. YMMV.

I have done my best to flag potential triggers. Please let me know if I missed something.

I know two of these fics have a different year listed on AO3. I used the earliest posting dates I could find on any site but provided the AO3 links for convenience.

I did not consider non-magical/modern AUs for this post, though I do read and enjoy them.

The Hush of Waiting by victoria_p (musesfool)

Length: 7,238 words

Era: Second War

Trope: Lie Low at Lupin’s

POV: Sirius

Summary: He wants to make this moment last, and he wants to remember it forever.

My Review: “The Hush of Waiting” is a realistic, gentle getting back together story. It opens with a brief lie low at Lupin��s interlude before moving to Grimmauld Place. Sirius and Remus are both wonderfully in character; Sirius is plagued by his confinement in Grimmauld Place and his slowly returning memories, and Remus is both a balm and a source of resentment for him. This story strikes a great balance between the joy of rediscovery and the despair of what has been lost, ending with a beautiful moment of enduring love.

Vibe: Contained remembrance with a hopeful ending.

Illustrative Quote: Remus is skin and bone beneath him, sharp angles with nothing of comfort to them, and Sirius thinks he isn't any better, the two of them skeletons rattling around in each other's closets.

The Innocence of Wolves by GatewayGirl

Content Warning(s): Major character death, graphic depiction of murder, and brief cannibalism (sort of)

Length: 13,615 words

Era: Multiple

POV: Remus

Summary: The Prank goes wrong, Severus Snape dies, and the Marauders dispose of the evidence and get away with it—and after that, what can't you do? While Remus falls for Sirius, the Marauders become the Free-Blood Guards, working to destroy Voldemort's servants.

My Review: “The Innocence of Wolves” explores the dark side of the Marauders as their foray into vigilantism slowly unravels their friendship. It will make you contemplate morality in wartime. This story is written in first person POV, which makes its genuinely coldhearted interpretation of Remus all the more striking. One of the most compelling aspects of this fic for me is how it follows the contours of canon from the Marauders’ Fifth Year through Halloween 1981 but twists everything in enticing, sometimes disturbing new ways. I always want canon divergence fics to really take their AU scenarios all the way, and this one definitely does that.

Vibe: Chilling justice with an ambiguous ending.

Illustrative Quote: Sirius went one better, gleefully remarking (while standing just a little too close to Professor McGonagall) that he hoped the greasy turd had got himself killed. McGonagall gave him detention, of course, but it was beautifully in character, and not at all the action of someone guilty of manslaughter. Sirius is brilliant.

Pilgrimage by Rosie_Rues (rosemaryandrue)

Note(s): This fic is part of the Rising Storm series, which is a gorgeous ensemble series that spans 1970-2001 and characters ranging from Andromeda to Peter, though it dwells the most on Remus and Sirius. I only considered the Wolfstar-centric fics for these posts, but I recommend the whole series!

Length: 15,114 words

Era: Interwar period

POV: Remus

Summary: It would be very quiet, up in the snow-shrouded hills. December, 1981 - Remus, afterwards.

My Review: That summary always makes me think of “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac and it actually fits this story fairly well. In “Pilgrimage,” Remus undertakes a solo walk along the Pilgrim’s Way as he tries to make sense of the events of Halloween 1981. Rosie_Rues uses quotes from Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales as a framing device, which contributes to the literary feel of this story. The interweaving of Remus’s physical and emotional journeys and the mirroring of his mental state and the atmosphere are absolutely masterful. His attempt to numb his loss in the snow and winter cold doesn’t succeed, and his silent remembrance of his childhood and friends is heartbreaking as he tries to reason out who Sirius really was.

Vibe: Bleak loneliness with a hopeful ending.

Illustrative Quote: Love left its own traces, fainter and deeper than scars.

We’ll Both Forget the Breeze by happiestwhen

Length: 1,122 words

Era: Hogwarts

POV: Sirius

Summary: In winter, time seems to trickle down with the melting snow.

My Review: I love a good pining Sirius fic, and “We’ll Both Forget the Breeze” is a beautifully lyrical example of the genre. happiestwhen’s writing is just about as close as you can get to poetry while still being prose, and I had a hard time choosing a single quote. Sirius is shy and unsure, and Remus’s feelings are an enigma. In some ways this fic feels like a drabble because it’s just a stream-of-consciousness moment in time and nothing really happens, but it’s so lovely that I want to share it anyway.

Vibe: Uncertain longing with an unresolved ending.

Illustrative Quote: The arching semi-colon of Sirius’ knee against the ball of Remus’ foot (an accidental touch) is imperfect, but he’s trying, and they’re—oh—just, just. Almost.

The Winter of Discontent by Rosie_Rues (rosemaryandrue)

Note(s): Like Pilgrimage (above), this fic is part of the Rising Storm series.

Content Warning(s): arson, minor character death, violence

Length: 58,936 words

Era: First War

POV: Multiple

Summary: In which Sirius Black wakes up on the 1st day of 1979 embracing a Christmas tree.

My Review: “The Winter of Discontent” is a plotty getting back together story, which we don’t normally see when they’re this young. Remus and Sirius are trainee auror partners who get sucked into a murder investigation involving the Death Eaters. They’re also not-so-secretly pining for one another, having broken up after The Prank. In addition to Remus’s attempts to seduce Sirius out of his self-sacrificing distance, this fic grapples with the wizarding politics of the First War and the Muggle politics of the time, including the widespread strikes in January 1979 during the UK’s Winter of Discontent. While you’d expect a plot-heavy First War fic to be pretty angsty, this fic is actually fairly lighthearted and full of running gags like the horrors of the Ministry canteen food and the purebloods referring to the strike as a “thump.” Peter isn’t one-dimensional, absent, or overshadowed by his friends like in most fics, and James’s failed attempts to propose to Lily made me snort multiple times.

Vibe: Longing camaraderie with a hopeful ending.

Illustrative Quote: Remus had been gone for thirty-two hours, sixteen minutes and about fifteen seconds, depending which clock Sirius looked at. In that time Sirius had cleaned the flat (though admittedly not until this morning when he realised Remus would be sarcastic about it); had five showers (three of them cold, because the hot water was dodgy for some reason); turned into Padfoot and back six times because he didn’t feel comfortable as either; and tried to read Maurice.

[amiibo-king]

okay now I’m curious can you pls describe romantic/sexual attraction in a way that both a/allo communities can understand it

ok here goes. disclaimer that this is based on how i experience it as a monoamorous alloromantic allosexual so ymmv. and im sure this isnt the ONLY way to feel attraction bc everyone has different experiences etc but every time i've described it to fellow allos they go "yeah thats p much it!" and every time i've described it to aro/aces they go "yeah i cant relate at all."

and then of course u also have to consider that allo vs aro/ace isnt a binary there are people who are one or the other or who are gray-aro or gray-ace or somewhere else on the aspectrum but from what i've been told this has helped at least a few people figure out they were aro/ace so. take it with a grain of salt, but take it

also this might be long so im gonna put it under a cut

attraction in general can be p intense. romantic attraction specifically feels differently to me depending on various factors. if i am not in the presence of a person i'm attracted to romantically or otherwise interacting with them in some way, it feels like an intense desire to see them or talk to them again. and i do mean intense in that i can physically feel it in my chest as an almost painful emptiness (but painful in an almost pleasant way) that can only be remedied by seeing that specific person. sometimes it feels like if my heart had arms, it would be reaching out and making grabby hands for that person, every minute of every day. (that is a metaphor but only barely, it truly does feel like that in a physical sense a lot of the time.)

if i am in their presence/interacting with them, that feeling is replaced with a warm, fuzzy feeling in the chest. this is accompanied by a high level of nervousness and anxiety, but an exciting and pleasant kind of anxiety, like the kind of anxiety you feel on a rollercoaster. (a comparison that might fall flat if u hate rollercoasters.) there's also a distinct feeling that comes specifically with having romantic interactions with a romantic interest that is often described as 'butterflies in the stomach' and while it does often feel like that, i would describe it more often like a pleasant, bubbling warmth that starts in the chest and spreads throughout my whole body. and when it's really intense, it can feel almost like being drunk or high, while (usually) maintaining a sober presence of mind.

now for my explanation of sexual attraction:

where the feeling of romantic attraction for me tends to be physically located in and around the chest, the feeling of sexual attraction, predictably, is lower, in and around the crotch area and lower abdomen, just below the belly button. it also manifests as a feeling of warmth, but in contrast to romantic attraction's bubbly, fuzzy warmth, sexual attraction is more of a burning heat, as if someone's just turned on the stove in my abdomen. this burning heat is accompanied by a feeling of arousal in the genitals.

it also tends to come with an intense desire to be physically intimate with the person. sometimes this involves vividly imagining what it might be like to touch them in intimate ways. much of the time these vivid mental pictures come up involuntarily and regardless of whether or not i would ever actually act on the desire.

anyway thats how i usually describe it. i find that most ppl who try to explain attraction make the mistake of focusing too hard on the physical sensations and not enough on the emotional impact or vice versa, and u rly need both to get a complete picture. but who knows, my explanation might still be shit and unhelpful to some ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ all i know is that this explanation has helped at least a couple ppl figure things out

[concerningwolves]

Hello! I was wondering if you had any advice for writing a scene with a Deaf character speaking with an interpreter. The POV character does not understand sign language, and the interpreter is also a character who appears in other scenes on their own. How much attention should be drawn to their own mannerisms and expressions while they're interpreting? Is it better to mention they're there at the start and then write the conversation as if the POV character understood sign?

(Disclaimer that I have never used an interpreter in this sense; if anyone who uses or has used interpretation services would like to give input, feel free! ^-^)

While interpreting, the interpreter is an extension of the d/Deaf person's voice. In real life, you would address the d/Deaf person and conduct the conversation in the same way as a voice-to-voice chat. I.e., you wouldn't look at the interpreter, who would generally stand next to the verbal speaker so that the sign-speaker can look between you both. Apply this same concept to your writing as much as you can.

In that regard, what you've suggested is probably the best course of action. Establish at the start of the scene when the interpreter is present but focus as much as possible on the interaction between the two speakers. That's not to say never mention the interpreter, though – you can, it's just that the interpreter is generally there as an intermediary, not an active participant in the conversation. (Although ymmv on that depending on the relationships between the characters. The dynamic would be quite different if a sibling or mutual friend is doing the interpreting, rather than a professional who is there to provide a service).

Even if the POV character doesn't understand sign, they ought to be able to glean some sense of tone from the way the signs are spoken, i.e., if signs are exaggerated, hesitant, enthusiastic etc. Aside from the sign language itself, the POV character would still follow the usual non-verbal mood indicators

Scenes with the interpreter could go something like this:

"What have you been up to?" A asked through her interpreter, C. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." The way A stretched out her signs and then fixed B with a defiant stare gave B a very good indication of her feelings on their recent radio silence, even if their grasp of sign language was still poor. B had to let out a sheepish laugh.

"Yeah, sorry. I've been so busy." B sighed. "Moving house is a pain in the arse, and with the moving company's attitude I've been really stressed. I didn't want to put that on you."

A watched the interpreter for a moment before her eyes went back to B, and her expression softened. "I'll be a pain in your arse if you think I don't want to know when you're struggling."

"Okay, okay." B laughed again, lighter this time. "I'll text you."

"You better," A signed, the look in her eyes at once serious and compassionate.

Hope this helps, and happy writing!

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Dear Trans Dad, The biggest thing keeping me from starting T is the thought of losing my hair. But then thinking that makes me feel like I don't deserve to transition. Do you have any advice?

Hi, Anon!

That's a pretty common sentiment, so please don't feel alone.

Medical transition is a gateway for many of us to finally learn to love our bodies. But if it makes loving yourself actually harder, it doesn't make you any less trans to grouse about it, or even opt out of. I have friends who stopped T entirely because the negative changes outweighed the positive for them and others who may never start HRT. And me, being on T for 11 years now, there are definitely days when it isn't all sunshine and roses.

HRT will always be there as an option, if you want to pick it up. Yeah, there's benefits to starting young and staying consistently on it, but it's absolutely legit to dislike, even loathe, some of the effects.

I'm not going to bring up ways you can prevent/slow hair loss while on T -- I honestly haven't done that research, but there's also no silver bullet. Hair loss on T is complicated because there's a few different patterns triggered by different things. (I don't have male pattern baldness, but I do have a receding hairline that hits everyone, regardless of chromosomes, on one side of my family.)

That said, it might be helpful to do a few things:

1) Unpack why hair loss upsets you.

Does it make you feel old?

Does it conjure negative aspects of masculinity?

Does it make you actually more dysphoric? (This is true for me often -- my receeding hairline shows off my softer brow line and I feel very exposed, as if it were a big "tell". Yes, ironic given how out I am being trans.)

Does it make you not feel attractive? (I feel this, too, having been seen as a pretty twinkish, elvin boy pre-T and complimented on my hair often.)

2) Work out strategies to mitigate bad feelings and mental associations.

It's possible to convince yourself "it's not that bad" without delegitimizing your hurt feelings. It's not easy, but it's possible. It can take time, though, so be patient with yourself.

For me, it is not a coincidence that my current celeb gender envy fella is older than me, and with a similar hairline. My gender role models have gotten progressively more refined over the years, from 100% pipe dream fantasties to just... ordinary dudes. Cis men who feel "achievable" to me might have once felt like a concession of defeat, but it's quite the opposite - I feel more comfortable, like I belong. I actually feel more "seen". Ymmv, of course.

Other things that may work - celebrating the parts of yourself that make you feel good. Refining my wardrobe style has helped me a lot here. And I love how T has refined my hands, even though they are also the biggest "tell" for my age.

3) Give yourself permission to love yourself more, experiment, and have fun.

Hair is one of the easiest things to change about our appearances. Experiment now, continue to experiment through your transition, medical and/or social. If you think you're going to lose your hair, go out now and do the styles and colors you may have once thought were silly to try to avoid future regret.

(I've been posting more selfies. Prior to that, I made it a point to have fun with my hair via color and cut. I like using my own hair for cosplay vs a wig in part because it's a fun way to play with gender presentation. Even if that presentation is sometimes a middle-aged kinda schlubby dad, ha ha.)

4) Give yourself permission to mourn.

Men mourn their hair loss, and it's something I don't see a lot of trans men (and especially not nonbinary folks) talk about. Probably because we develop martyr complexes when closeted, and then don't want to look ungrateful/inauthentic when we get access to transition. It's helpful to reach out and find others in the same boat.

If you decide to start T, it's good to be prepared for the negative aspects of transition. You know what is best for you. What you might think of as simply "vanity" is actually quite complicated, but at the end of the day, you deserve to feel as euphoric as possible about your gender. <3

(Disclaimer: I'm speaking as a binary trans dude with a pretty stereotypical masc gender presentation. Feel free to tack on with your own thoughts, especially if you are a different flavor of trans and/or tackling this issue from some other angle.)

[makeste]

if there is a timeskip, how far ahead do you think horikoshi will move along the story?

okay, so... I sat here for a while trying to work out how to phrase this less harshly lol, but I think I’m just gonna be blunt: I really, really hope that Horikoshi does not give us any kind of timeskip. there are precious few things that could potentially push me to quit this series, but a timeskip is one of them. I’m not saying that to be dramatic, I’m saying it just as a fact, because it’s happened to me multiple times before. in my experience, nothing else out there ruins a story as easily or effectively as a timeskip.

but let me try to break down and explain my loathing of them a bit more in depth.

1.) they make it so the audience misses out on character development. this is probably the thing I hate the most about timeskips. so here’s the thing; there are two different kinds of shounen timeskips. the type where the characters (mostly) stay together throughout the timeskip (think Naruto), and the type where the characters split apart during the timeskip (think One Piece). and I hate both of them equally, and let me explain.

I am reading the series because I am invested in the characters and their relationships. I want to see these relationships grow and evolve. timeskips make that impossible, because the whole point of a timeskip is that it skips right over everything so the audience doesn’t get to see it. and so, if the characters stay together during the timeskip, that’s a huge chunk of time during which their relationships are continuing to evolve, and the audience is missing out on all of that. that’s like starting a book and then finding that the entire middle section of it is blank. like, sorry about that, we decided this part wasn’t important enough to write down. if you’re lucky we might show you little bits and pieces of what happened during flashbacks, but otherwise you’ll just have to deal with it. boooo.

on the other hand, if the characters all go their separate ways to train on their own during the timeskip, then in a way that’s even worse. like yes, we’re technically not missing out on any relationship development, because no relationship development is even happening. those relationships are just put on hold for the duration of the timeskip. like, to use One Piece as an example, that means that the crew was together for like six months or however long, and then they all split apart for two whole years. they were apart for four times longer than they were ever together as a crew! like, you brought this found family together and bonded them so strongly only to rip them apart again?? for two years?? and for what! so that they could become boringly overpowered?? well, speaking of --

2.) they make fights predictable and/or disappointing. now for me, this one isn’t quite as bad as the character development one, but that’s mostly because I don’t care about fights as much. that said, post-timeskip fights are usually a dime a dozen, and I hate it. because here’s the thing: the whole purpose of the timeskip was to power up the character offscreen, so that they come back ready to kick more ass. which is great in theory, but in practice, post-timeskip fights tend to feature one of two brands of disappointment. either the protagonist character powered up so much that they easily win the fight, or else they still struggle even after all of that training and effort. the latter is just frustrating, because it’s like, so then what even was the point? but meanwhile, the former is also disappointing in its own way, because there’s no challenge anymore. yes it’s cool for like two seconds, but then what? if all I wanted was to watch someone reliably and effortlessly kick ass all day, I’d go become a fan of a bandwagon sports team. for me, the appeal of shounen is that the characters are learning and growing and struggling. if you make it easy for them then where’s the fun in that? if your character no longer faces any real obstacles then it stops being an interesting story.

and last but not least, 3.) they change the tone of the series (usually for the worse). so this one is interesting because this is one of the main reasons why a lot of people advocate for timeskips in the first place. ‘they help to make the series more mature’, or something along those lines. people are interested in seeing what kinds of storylines would open up with an older, more experienced cast of characters.

except that when people say more mature, what they usually mean is one of two things. either more romance, or else darker/grittier story content (read: more character deaths). which, just speaking personally, I have approximately zero interest in either of those things. if I wanted a grimdarker shounen series I’d be reading Attack on Titan instead. if I wanted more romance, I would read... well actually don’t really know what I’d read lol, because that’s kind of the point I’m trying to make here -- I don’t read romance, because I’m not interested in it (insert aromantic disclosure here). as an element of a more complex story, sure, that’s fine. but as a focus, I’d just as soon not. nine times out of ten I will lose interest in it. that’s 100% a personal preference there of course, but yeah.

anyways, but the point is, I started reading this coming of age story about teenagers at a superhero academy because I like coming of age stories! I like reading about younger characters and their adventures, learning about themselves and the world around them, making mistakes and getting stronger and the like. this is a specific genre that has a specific appeal to me. there’s an idealism and an optimism inherent in it, and I really don’t want the series to go changing that up. especially if there’s no need to change it up. which imo there really isn’t. as it stands, BnHA is already an unexpectedly mature story in a lot of ways, and it’s already exploring a lot of darker and more complex themes as it is, and doing an excellent job of it imo. basically, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. most of the time you’ll just end up ruining what was so appealing about the series to begin with.

so yeah! thus concludes my impromptu rant post about timeskips lol, and I’ll just belatedly add in a disclaimer as well that this is just my own opinion of course, and ymmv. but for me personally, I think that shounen series in particular rarely come out better after a timeskip (in fact I can’t think of any off the top of my head to tell the truth). also in BnHA’s case I really don’t think there’s any need for one at all. maybe if we get another short one, like the three-month timeskip that took place just before the start of this arc. but even then, there is just so much going on currently in the manga that it would feel weird to just fast-forward through it. TomurAFO is still on the loose. Dabi just blew up hero society as we know it. All Might is prophesized to die in the near future. the entire Billboard Top Ten was pretty much wiped out. and so on and so forth, and that’s not even getting into all of the character development that recently took place.

it just feels like things are too chaotic right now to skip ahead very far. I want to see what’s going to happen in the immediate aftermath of all this. and I don’t feel like the villains will leave the heroes alone to recover for very long. like, I can’t really figure out where someone would even put a timeskip, I guess is what I’m saying? there’s nowhere that feels natural. I could see them skipping a few weeks ahead maybe, but no more than that. anything more, and one has to assume that Tomura simply comes back to wipe out the rest of the heroes and/or the world lol. unless they shove him into another cryotube or something, I suppose.

so yeah, I think we’ll either get a very short timeskip or none at all. at least I am keeping my fingers crossed for as much. I don’t think it needs to happen or should happen. again, ymmv, but at any rate that’s my answer.