#yin and yang balance always

[13thpythagoras]

So apparently Brian Cocks

ahem Brian Cox

was saying usually large gas giants fall inward and end up closest to the star, very odd of our solar system to not have that; and that would have erased Earth and basically meant Jupiter would exist where the orbits of the inner planets are and the inner planets would be simply dust within a slightly larger Jupiter- in most solar systems this is what happens, according to Cox

but it's the pull of Saturn, the unlikely other gas giant, that pulls Jupiter back into the outer solar system early on- saving Earth's chance for later existence as a warm rocky planet.

Jupiter also deserves credit for acting as a giant gravity shield against asteroids and other stuff that might be hazardous, often times Jupiter just eats it like candy so the dangerous flying "candy" won't hit us and vaporize our continents...so big thanks Jupiter for like, vacuuming up that wild ass drunk comet in 1994

Is this a narrative that parallels the Babylonian creation myth of Enki and Enlil?

The two Gods who created our world, as best friends?...keeping each other in check so they don't go too crazy?

Sounds so familiar to how, while Jupiter protects our world, Saturn reined in Jupiter and stopped Jupiter from destroying us himself too.

Highly plausible that ETs were advanced and spacefaring before our solarsystem was born; we are in a region of space that has factors of a thousand more gold than surrounding regions of our galaxy. There's no natural way to explain this. It's exceedingly, basically airtight likelihood we are living in a solar system that *was* terraformed from the beginning to basically mine gold. That's why we're here, gold is apparently a necessary ingredient in space/time travel equipment, so aside from being pretty, gold is also just very useful, moreso than other elements. Not implausible to consider "sci fi" hypotheses about ET societies tweaking and tinkering with proto-stellar discs, making it more likely rocky inner warm planets will form; thus making it cheaper and easier to later mine gold; that kind of thing actually makes total sense to me.

Sci fi concepts to explore include space elevators, asteroid mining, the perils, the piracy (human and/or ET), the legal challenges after arrival back home with golden asteroids.

Wild to consider taking a $50 trillion gold brick 99% of the way back to earth's orbit only to get held up and mugged at laserpoint by a squad of UFOs

[fistfuloflightning]

Some XuanXian for the soul 😌

[whateverthedragonswant]

14x20 Ending = Two Main Protagonists Confirmed

Was rewatching 14x20 for reasons and this scene stuck out to me again like it always does:

Here, we see Dean taking the Equalizer gun (still a stupid name, sorry not sorry) to kill Jack after Chuck presents the suggestion as only he can. In the end, Dean doesn't shoot Jack, he and Sam confront Chuck, they learn he's the ultimate bad guy, and he basically sets them up for the ultimate apocalypse. One last ride.

And here's where we see the setup for the two main protagonists/heroes...because they have been the main two protagonists/heroes for a while. Dean and Sam = yin and yang.

Dean is the one taking the shot at Jack/willing to sacrifice himself; Sam is the one Chuck mostly interacts with & he figures out what Chuck is really doing

Chuck mentions the whole "father and son" thing when it comes to Dean and Jack; Sam calls Chuck out on what he's really doing

Dean tells Chuck to go to Hell & Chuck kills Jack; Sam shoots Chuck & Chuck starts the apocalypse

Dean makes the choice not to shoot Jack; Sam makes the choice to shoot Chuck

Dean was willing to sacrifice himself to shoot Jack who they think is the villain and save the world from him; Sam was willing to sacrifice himself to shoot Chuck who is the real villain to save Jack

Yin and yang.

If there was only one main protagonist, that one brother would have been the one to choose to shoot Jack & sacrifice himself, Chuck would have had his focus on & the most interactions with, would've been the sole father in that dynamic with Jack (minus Cas), would have been the catalyst for Chuck killing Jack and starting the apocalypse, and would have been the one to choose to shoot Chuck & sacrifice himself. The other brother would have just been a bystander if that was the case.

Another way you can tell that there are two main protagonists is that they knocked Cas out (literally and both times) of these important scenes with the two Gods (Chuck and Jack who will replace him) and the brothers despite his being an angel, despite his relationship with Jack, even despite his relationship with both brothers and the family they've all settled into. He has some lines, sure, but notice how he is not able to be involved in the decision making or really active in the standoff with Chuck. Not to diminish Cas and his importance to the story or to Jack or even Sam and Dean, but here we see that he is clearly not the main protagonist of the story. Same with Jack even though he becomes the new God in the next season, and they pulled the ol' switcheroo in this episode between him and Chuck. They literally played the shell game with the audience by having Chuck show up the way he did so it could all lead up to this moment: the Winchester brothers telling Chuck to eff off and the resulting final conflict (they're not only fighting for their freedom and to reclaim their narrative/lives but also the final boss) that will eventually reach the climax and final standoff. So of course there would be no Mary, no Bobby, no John, no Jody, no Donna, no Claire, etc in this scene and Cas would be sidelined.

It was always about Sam and Dean.

The two main protagonists.

[lunarflare64]

[sagstelliums]

💌 (PAC): facts about your future spouse

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

Grapes 🍇

I see that your future spouse may live or come from somewhere with a lot of water, they may also come from somewhere with a lot of sand/dirt/canyons?/mountains. They’re someone who has a lot of layers to them, they’ll be someone like you’ve never met before. I see that they may stand out physically, they may have a facial that looks very different or unique. I see that their face can be very hypnotic, you may find yourself staring at them/admiring them. They’re someone who’s calm but powerful, they don’t like drama or the way may not like loud noises. I see that they’re someone who looks very seductive or sultry. They may be a good swimmer, they may like to spend a lot of time with or in water, I see that your future spouse is definitely going to be with you for a long time, I see that they’re someone who’ll be there during the ups and downs. I see that they have a lot of luck/things always go their way or you’ll feel luckier when you’re with them, they’re good at hiding things or keeping secrets/good at surprises. They may come of as mysterious but that’s because they have so many layers to them. Signs- Pisces, cancer, Gemini. Initials- J, T, B, P, U, R, W

Orange 🍊

I see that your future spouse will be your ideal partner, you guys will get along with each other very well. I see that you guys will balance each other out like yin and yang/two peas in pod, I see that they’re very logical and they like to think things through. They’ll love spending time with you and connecting with you, I see that they may have a lot of friends or when you guys get together you’ll end up making a lot of friends together. They may be used to being around a lot of people/they enjoy being around a lot of people, they’re good at problem solving and mediating situations. They’re good at bringing people together, they could be well known or popular within their community. They could really like meeting new people and making connections, I see that they may be aggressive when it comes to the way they talk. They may be someone who’s emotional or sensitive, they may make you feel sensitive or extra emotional. I see that they’re intuitive and smart but they may like to play dumb, I see that you guys may travel a lot especially at night. I see that you guys may bump heads often because of how much you’re alike , there will be a lot of sexual chemistry. Signs- Taurus/ Sagittarius. Initials- T, O, W, N

Blueberry 🫐

(Angel number 9/999) I see that your future spouse is like hard on the outside but soft on the inside, they may seem defensive or mean at first but it’s a defense mechanism. They’re dynamic and a little difficult to understand at first, they’re someone who doesn’t like drama or conflict so they prefer not to have a lot of people around them. They’re someone who’s cautious/hesitant, they may be someone who’s not always open to try new things. They’re someone who values their stability, they like being balanced. I see that they’re someone who doesn’t let negativity keep them down, they’re not the type of person to hold grudges. They may be someone who doesn’t dream often, they may sleep for a long time. They have a healthy sleeping schedule/they’re a heavy sleeper, they love their rest and they don’t like being interrupted. They can be co dependent or they want you to depend on them, they’re reliable and don’t give up easily. They’re patient and they will put a lot of effort into making you happy, they have a calming and powerful presence. They’re someone who hates mistakes so they take their time when they do things and doesn’t like being rushed, they’ll be good at calming you down or calming your nerves. Your future spouse may have a small chest but thick things/butt or they’ll love that you have that, they may be a little self conscious about their body. They may not have a lot of muscles but they could be tall, they be a minimalist or has a minimalist style. They may like white or looks good in white. Signs- cancer/leo. Initials- V, U, S, T, Y, M

Personal readings always available

Pngs by @adjpngs Divider by @cafekitsune

[eternalsa2z]

Balance

She is the yin to your yang. The dark to your light. Always there to keep you in perfect balance.

Like when you wanted to get a tattoo, she went with you. When you thought about lip fillers, she signed you up. When you wondered how big to inflate your chest, she decided to go first as a huge example.

She's the perfect partner, protégé, and goal to pursue. A bimbo bestie and transformation twin all in one. How lucky are you to find an ideal other half?

[huiyi07]

hey so do you guys ever think about how often Diluc is referred to as the ‘uncrowned king of Mondstadt’ since he’s like the only male heir to the noble families and like it or not, where Jean is the authority of the nation, he’s pretty much the symbolic face of Mondstadt and the values the nation projects— and despite his temperament, Diluc has learned to embrace it wholeheartedly. He’s charismatic, extremely righteous, and he blazes bright and gives the people of Mondstadt a fire that guides them in the dark, quite literally. Like he’s literally Bruce Wayne lmao

But he doesn’t want this, no, and here’s the proof- maybe he did, once upon a time, before everything happened— but he doesn’t really care about wine, he only cares about the winery because of the people in it and his father. He’s righteous but doesn’t give a damn about the rules and the knights of favonius. After what happened to him, he’s clearly a rebel at heart now, not some charming superhero who does everything expected of him, unlike before. In summary, Diluc was someone who was quite literally ready to become an (uncrowned) prince, pretty much royalty in every way except title- and on surface level, he still is, but he throws that mantle away in secret whenever he can.

And then look at Kaeya, his brother who’s always lived in his shadow. It’s easy to see that now, people don’t really project Mondstadt’s values onto Kaeya the same way they do onto Diluc, since lots of people hardly even remember that they’re brothers. And yeah people still think kaeya is reliable and nice, but also because of how Kaeya built his image after Diluc left— an excessively over the top personality that pretends to be sadistic, mean, and at the same time dripping with false charm. So despite that people still find him approachable and nice as expected of a knight, hardly anyone would call him befitting of a prince.

But Kaeya is actually so painfully and authentically ‘princely’ and kind, deep down— the way he deals with children, his fierce loyalty and willingness to protect people at all costs, his self sacrificial tendencies that most often appear for Diluc’s sake. Even the tidbits of lore we get about him scream aristocracy- his ‘ceremonial’ bladework, Alberich family secrets that reveal just how central they are to the kingdom of khaenriah. This is kinda obvious to any player who’s bothered to learn anything about kaeya, but to the characters in game, there are very few that know that side of him.

And whereas Diluc is forcibly projected the title of royalty and secretly rejects it, Kaeya was actually born into it- his family is very important to Khaenriah, and much like how he does with anything related to his past and heritage, he loudly and outwardly rejects anything to do with ‘royalty’. Diluc outwardly rejects what Kaeya shows (a darker, more ‘means justify the end’ nature), and Kaeya tries to hide what Diluc projects (a sophisticated and aristocratic upbringing).

Honestly? It’s as if they were swapped at birth. Kaeya’s real hidden nature, even after everything that happened to him, remains to be so unwavering and people-oriented, while Diluc’s true personality changed drastically over time. Not that Diluc isn’t unwavering or whatever, but Diluc mostly actively rejects relationships and prefers to do everything alone, obsessed with the idea that he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt, whereas Kaeya always, always yearns for companionship and for people to be by his side- solidarity.

Diluc is the poster image of royalty, but his brother who hides in the shadows is a real king. They complete each other, balance each other out, represent the parts that the other hides. I don’t know if hoyoverse always meant them to be that way, but damn they basically represent each other’s parts of themselves that they lost. Yin and Yang, two halves of the same whole.

[bunnysnuff]

Being Galinda’s girlfriend headcannons:

Pairing: Galinda Upland x f!reader.

Trigger warnings: none.

You’re Her Biggest Supporter: Galinda (or Glinda, depending on how you like to spell it) is a force of nature, and she’s constantly seeking validation and admiration from others. But when you're together, you're the one person who she can truly lean on for reassurance. You offer her genuine support without all the sparkle and glam that she’s used to from others, which means more to her than she'd admit.

Endless Sparkle, with a Twist: Galinda loves her glitz and glam, but when she's with you, she’s willing to leave the ballgowns behind for cozy nights in—well, at least as cozy as she can get. She insists on giving you "the full Glinda treatment" with spa days, facials, and candlelit baths (probably scented with something extravagant like lavender-sweet vanilla). She’s always the one to make you feel like you're royalty, even if it’s just a lazy afternoon.

Teasing and Playful Banter: There’s a lot of light-hearted teasing in your relationship. She’ll probably poke fun at you for being "so serious" or "not understanding the importance of a good hair flip," but it’s all in good fun. You love to tease her back, calling out her overly dramatic tendencies, which she pretends to be offended by—until she bursts into giggles.

She Keeps You on Your Toes: Galinda’s known for her love of making everything a little more dramatic than it needs to be. If you're in a public situation where there's a little bit of tension, she'll probably look at you with an exaggerated "save me" expression, which is both hilarious and endearing. You’re her safe person, and she knows you’ll always keep her grounded.

You’re the Yin to Her Yang: While Galinda can be a bit self-centered and bubbly, you balance her out. You might be more introverted, calm, or serious, and that contrast creates a dynamic where you complement each other perfectly. You challenge her to think deeper and act with more humility, while she teaches you to lighten up and take life with a pinch of glitter.

The Best Date Nights: Your dates could be a mix of extravagant affairs and the simplest moments. You might attend a big gala, or you might have a quiet evening where she reads to you from one of her fashion magazines while you doze off in her arms. She loves to spoil you, but she also treasures the moments where it’s just the two of you, without all the flashing lights of the world.

She’s Protective in Her Own Way: Galinda may not always show it, but she gets fiercely protective of you. If someone is rude to you or you’re facing a challenge, she’s the first one ready to defend you with a mix of fiery charm and persuasive words. While she doesn’t have the same boldness as Elphaba, Galinda will use her wit, charm, and status to make sure you're treated well.

She Has a Soft Side: Deep down, Galinda has a heart of gold. She may act superficial at times, but she’s incredibly thoughtful and has an emotional side that only comes out when she’s with you. She might surprise you with little gifts, handwritten notes, or her favorite flower because she knows it’ll make you smile. She also has a bit of a “soft and vulnerable” side that she only lets you see.

Sharing in Her Growth: As much as Galinda is known for her glamorous persona, she’s also a character with depth. Throughout the relationship, you get to see her evolve from someone obsessed with popularity to someone who’s genuinely concerned about justice and what’s right. You’re there to witness her growth, whether it's her finding her own voice or standing up for what she believes in.

You Have Her Heart: Galinda is a romantic at heart, and though she often expresses it in dramatic ways, you know she’s incredibly devoted to you. When she says she loves you, it's not just the words; it’s the look in her eyes, the soft touches, and the way she always wants to make sure you feel adored. It’s clear you’re her one true love, and she’s in it for the long haul.

[rifari2037]

They talked about cultural differences?? Really??? I laughed so hard 🤣

Do they realised that air and water are different too?? That their cultural are completely opposite???

Water tribe people killed animals for food, furniture, clothes, etc. That's their culture! Air nomads don't killed animals, even a fly, for any reasons, they're vegetarian. That's their culture!!

There's nothing wrong with both cultures, but if we think about it with sense, can two people with extreme cultural differences marry and accept each other's cultures easily?

No, it won't be easy. Katara and Aang got married without any problems about cultural differences because Bryke were the writers!

Do they know that Aang/Kataang stand was aware about it and wrote this???

Do they even realise that in canon Aang doesn't really like Water Tribe culture?? Yes, that's CANON!!

Katara : Bato, it looks like home! [Bato, Katara, Sokka, and Aang file inside.] Sokka : Everything's here, even the pelts! Aang : [Sarcastically.] Yeah, nothing's cozier than dead animal skins.

Katara : [Surprised and delighted.] No way! Stewed sea prunes! Bato : Help yourself! Sokka : Dad could eat a whole barrel of these things! Aang takes a bowl of stewed sea prunes and sniffs it, but looks away in disgust and sets it to the side.

Aang : Hey everyone! Sorry I was gone so long. Katara : [Turns to face him.] Hey, Aang, I didn't notice you left. Aang : Yup, but now I'm back. [Sitting down.] Sure could go for some delicious sea prunes! Aang quickly takes some bites of sea prunes, but chokes them back up, yet he pretends to enjoy them. Katara, Bato, and Sokka look at him strangely.

Hama : I wanted to surprise you! I bought all this food today so I could fix you a big Water Tribe dinner. Of course, I can't get all the ingredients I need here, but ocean kumquats are a lot like sea prunes if you stew them long enough. Aang : [Sticking his tongue out in disgust.] Great!

Aang : [Whispering to Toph.] I'd steer clear of the sea prunes. Toph : I thought they were ocean kumquats. Aang : Close enough.

Oh, btw, An ocean kumquat is a small, round fruit often consumed in the Fire Nation. That's close enough with sea prunes, water tribe cuisine.

When Aang doesn't like water tribe cuisine, I can imagine Zuko and Katara having dinner, sharing water tribe and fire nation dishes and they enjoying it because it taste similar. 😂

Fire and water are the opposite elements, that's why they are compliment each other.

Yin and Yang shows a balance between two opposites with a portion of the opposite element in each section.

Remember what Iroh said about the elements? Let's see if fire and water don't mix together, especially for Zuko and Katara.

"Fire is the element of power..."

"...The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will, and the energy and drive to achieve what they want."

"Water is the element of change..."

"...The people of the Water Tribe are capable of adapting to many things..."

"...They have a deep sense of community and love that holds them together through anything."

Young Zuko : [Zuko is shown standing up.] You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?

Zuko and Katara would bicker and not get along well, they said?? Really??

Every time Katara is mad, Zuko just silent and listen to her. Even when they're still enemies!!

Oh, btw, Katara not 'always' threatened Zuko to kill him if he hurt Aang. It happened once. She is still mad at him not because of Aang, but because he betrayed her.

That's personal to her, she is mad not because he hurt someone else but he hurt her. I mean, if she really mad at him because of Aang, why is she connected her anger at Zuko to her mom, not Aang (again)?

And after this moment, after Katara by her own choice, forgives Zuko, do Zuko and Katara always bickering and not get along at all??? No, they're not!!

Zuko gives Katara advice, Katara listens. Katara gives Zuko advice, Zuko listens.

They reassure each other at a very important moment.

Lastly, I don't understand how Zuko and Katara, who they said would never get along, always save each other lives, even Zuko sacrifice his life to her?

[herrscherofinsanity]

The Daily Life of a Leader

Chaewon and the rollercoaster she calls life since becoming leader of Le Sserafim.

Fluff

Kim Chaewon x sixth member fem!reader

Word count: 3.2k

Back from the dead for Christmas!

____________________

The sun had barely risen, and the dorm was quiet except for the faint hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Kim Chaewon stretched as she shuffled out of her room, her hair slightly disheveled but her mind already racing through the day’s agenda. With a yawn, she grabbed her favorite mug and poured herself a cup of coffee, its warmth helping her shake off the remnants of sleep.

The quiet mornings were her time to prepare—not just for herself, but for her members. Leadership wasn’t just a title for Chaewon; it was a responsibility she embraced wholeheartedly. Between rehearsals, variety shows, and managing their shared living space, there was always something to think about.

She glanced at the group calendar on her phone. “Dance practice at 10, a meeting with the stylists at 2… oh, and Eunchae has that school thing later,” she murmured to herself, mentally adding a note to remind their youngest about her outfit.

The sound of footsteps broke her thoughts. Yunjin trudged into the kitchen, her hair in a lopsided bun and her hoodie hanging off one shoulder.

“Morning, unnie,” Yunjin mumbled, reaching for the cereal box.

“Morning. Sleep well?” Chaewon asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

Yunjin shrugged. “I think I dreamt about forgetting the choreography again. You know, typical idol nightmares.”

Chaewon chuckled. “Well, good thing we have practice later. I’ll make sure you don’t forget anything.”

Before long, the dorm was alive with noise. Sakura appeared next, already dressed and looking composed as ever. Kazuha followed shortly, her bedhead contrasting her poised demeanor. Eunchae bounded into the room last, full of energy, already singing a random song she had likely made up on the spot.

As the leader, Chaewon found herself playing multiple roles at once. She was a scheduler, a referee, a motivator, and sometimes even a nagging older sister.

“Eunchae, you have school later—don’t forget your uniform,” she called out over the chatter.

“Kazuha, let’s go over that spin move before practice, okay?”

“Yunjin, eat something healthy with that cereal.”

“Sakura unnie, can you help me remind everyone about the stylists’ meeting this afternoon?”

Each member responded in their own way: Eunchae saluted dramatically, Kazuha nodded with a soft smile, Yunjin pouted, and Sakura gave a knowing laugh.

As chaotic as mornings could be, these moments grounded Chaewon. Watching her members interact—their banter, their laughter, their quirks—reminded her why she loved this job. It wasn’t always easy being a leader, but for them, it was worth it.

With a deep breath, she smiled. “Alright, everyone, let’s get moving. We’ve got a busy day ahead.”

And just like that, the day began, each moment a new challenge and a new joy.

-----

Sakura

In the chaos of idol life, there was one person Chaewon could always rely on to keep things steady: Sakura. As the oldest member of the group, Sakura had a quiet wisdom about her, paired with years of experience in the industry that Chaewon deeply respected.

The two had developed an unspoken rhythm over time. Chaewon led with energy and drive, while Sakura balanced it with calm and level-headedness. Together, they were like yin and yang—opposite forces that worked in harmony to keep Le Sserafim running smoothly.

This particular morning, Chaewon found Sakura sitting cross-legged on the living room couch, scrolling through her phone. A half-finished cup of green tea sat on the coffee table in front of her.

“Unnie,” Chaewon began, plopping down beside her. “Have you looked at the setlist for tomorrow’s showcase yet? I feel like the transitions need some tweaking.”

Sakura looked up and gave her a small smile. “I did. I think you’re right. The first three songs flow well, but the tempo shift between the third and fourth feels abrupt. We can bring it up in practice later.”

Chaewon sighed in relief. “I knew you’d catch that too. Thanks for always being on top of things, unnie.”

Sakura chuckled softly. “That’s my job as your unofficial second-in-command, right?”

The two shared a laugh. Despite their teasing, there was a mutual understanding between them. Sakura had always been someone Chaewon could vent to when the weight of leadership felt too heavy.

“Remember when we were first deciding on positions in the group?” Sakura reminisced, setting her phone aside. “You were so nervous about being the leader.”

Chaewon rolled her eyes, though a sheepish grin crept onto her face. “Of course I was nervous! It’s a lot of pressure, unnie. And back then, I thought you should’ve been the leader. You had way more experience than I did.”

“But you’re perfect for it,” Sakura said with a sincerity that made Chaewon pause. “You care about everyone. You’re proactive, and you lead by example. The members trust you because they see how much effort you put in.”

Chaewon looked down at her hands, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. “Thanks, unnie. That means a lot coming from you.”

Sakura reached over and gave Chaewon’s hand a light squeeze. “Anytime. Just don’t forget that you’re not alone. You have all of us to lean on, especially me.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Yunjin shouting from the kitchen, “WHO FINISHED THE MILK?!”

Sakura and Chaewon burst into laughter, the serious moment giving way to their usual dynamic.

“Should we go help her?” Sakura asked, though she didn’t seem in any rush to get up.

“Nah,” Chaewon replied, leaning back into the couch. “Let her figure it out. It’s good character development.”

Sakura laughed again, shaking her head. “You’re terrible.”

“Maybe,” Chaewon said with a grin. “But I’m your terrible leader.”

And in that moment, as they sat side by side, Chaewon was reminded of just how lucky she was to have someone like Sakura by her side.

-----

Yunjin

If Sakura was Chaewon’s reliable confidant, Yunjin was her ultimate test of patience—and a never-ending source of entertainment. As the group’s resident ball of energy and mischief, Yunjin brought a whirlwind of unpredictability into Chaewon’s otherwise meticulously planned days.

“YAH! Huh Yunjin!” Chaewon’s voice echoed through the dorm as she burst into the kitchen, where Yunjin stood in front of the open fridge, a tub of kimchi in one hand and a plate of half-eaten toast in the other.

Yunjin blinked at her innocently. “What? I didn’t finish the milk this time!”

Chaewon crossed her arms, glaring at the crumbs scattered all over the countertop. “No, but you left the rice cooker open, the soy sauce lid off, and—what is that?!” She pointed at the monstrosity on Yunjin’s plate.

“It’s my famous kimchi-toast combo!” Yunjin declared proudly, holding it up as if she were presenting a Michelin-star dish.

“That’s not famous. That’s disgusting.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, Captain!” Yunjin teased, shoving the plate in Chaewon’s direction.

Chaewon groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “How are you like this? How do you function?”

“I’m a genius in disguise,” Yunjin replied with a wink, taking a huge bite of her bizarre creation.

Despite the frustration bubbling in Chaewon’s chest, she couldn’t help but chuckle. That was the thing about Yunjin—no matter how chaotic she got, she had an infectious charm that made it impossible to stay mad at her.

Later that day, during practice, Yunjin’s antics continued. As the group worked on choreography, Chaewon kept a sharp eye on every member, her leader instincts in full force.

“Yunjin, straighten your arms on the spin!” Chaewon called out.

“Got it!” Yunjin shouted back, only to immediately trip over her own feet and fall into Kazuha, who stumbled but miraculously stayed upright.

The room erupted into laughter, and even Chaewon had to bite back a smile. Yunjin, sprawled on the floor, looked up with a sheepish grin. “Okay, so maybe I need to work on my spins.”

Chaewon shook her head, hands on her hips. “You think?”

But even as she scolded her, Chaewon extended a hand to help Yunjin up. “Let’s try again. And this time, focus.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Yunjin saluted dramatically, earning another round of laughter from the group.

After practice, as they packed up to leave, Yunjin sidled up to Chaewon with a sly grin. “You know, you’d miss me if I wasn’t around to mess things up.”

Chaewon raised an eyebrow. “Would I?”

“You would,” Yunjin said confidently. “Who else would keep you on your toes? You’d get bored without me.”

Chaewon sighed but couldn’t suppress the small smile tugging at her lips. “Fine, maybe a little. But don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late!” Yunjin chirped, skipping ahead to catch up with the others.

Chaewon watched her go, shaking her head. Yunjin was chaos incarnate, but she was also a vital part of what made their group feel like home. And as much as Chaewon hated to admit it, Yunjin was right—things wouldn’t be the same without her.

-----

Kazuha

If Yunjin was a whirlwind, Kazuha was the calm after the storm—a steady and composed presence that Chaewon often found herself relying on more than she realized. The ballerina-turned-idol possessed an effortless elegance that contrasted with Chaewon’s more intense energy, and their dynamic had a certain balance that was hard to put into words.

It was late one evening when Chaewon walked into the dorm’s living room, finding Kazuha sitting cross-legged on the floor with a book in her lap. A pair of earphones dangled around her neck, and her brow furrowed as she studied the pages.

“Kazuha, what are you doing?” Chaewon asked, curious.

Kazuha looked up, her serene expression breaking into a small smile. “Studying Korean idioms. Some of them are so strange.”

Chaewon chuckled, plopping down beside her. “Yeah, idioms can be tricky. Which one is confusing you?”

“This one,” Kazuha said, pointing at the page. “‘Climbing up the stairs backward.’ What does that even mean?”

Chaewon grinned. “It means you’re doing something inefficiently or in a roundabout way.”

Kazuha blinked. “Oh... so, kind of like how Yunjin dances sometimes?”

Chaewon burst out laughing, covering her mouth. “Exactly like that. You’re catching on.”

Moments like these reminded Chaewon of how much Kazuha had grown since joining the group. From her initial shyness to her quiet confidence now, Kazuha was a pillar of strength in her own understated way.

During practice, this became even more apparent. Chaewon was always impressed by Kazuha’s discipline, a trait she carried over from her ballet background. But it wasn’t just her work ethic that stood out—it was her ability to stay calm under pressure, something Chaewon deeply admired.

“Kazuha, can you try that move again? Just a bit sharper this time,” Chaewon said as the group rehearsed.

Kazuha nodded, adjusting her position. She repeated the move with precision, earning a satisfied nod from Chaewon.

“Perfect,” Chaewon said. “You’re always so consistent.”

Kazuha smiled softly. “It’s because you’re a good leader. You give clear instructions.”

Chaewon blinked, caught off guard by the compliment. “Oh… well, thank you. That means a lot.”

It was rare for Kazuha to be so direct with her praise, but when she was, it felt deeply sincere.

Later that night, as the members settled down after practice, Kazuha approached Chaewon with two steaming mugs of tea. “You looked tired, so I made this for you,” she said, handing one to the leader.

Chaewon accepted the mug, her heart warming at the gesture. “Thanks, Zuha. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to,” Kazuha replied simply, sitting down beside her.

They sipped their tea in comfortable silence, the quiet camaraderie between them speaking volumes.

“You know,” Chaewon said after a moment, “you’re like the glue that holds us together sometimes. Your calmness keeps the rest of us grounded.”

Kazuha tilted her head, a small, thoughtful smile gracing her lips. “And you’re the one who makes us feel safe. You’re our leader.”

Chaewon smiled, her chest tightening with gratitude. Kazuha’s words were few, but they carried so much weight.

“Thank you, Zuha,” Chaewon said softly.

As the two sat together, Chaewon realized that while Kazuha might not be as loud or dramatic as some of the others, her quiet strength was an invaluable part of their group—and Chaewon was endlessly grateful for it.

-----

Eunchae

If Chaewon ever found herself feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of leadership, she knew there was one person who could pull her out of it—Eunchae, the group’s irrepressible ball of energy.

From the moment they’d met, Eunchae had made it her unofficial mission to bring a smile to Chaewon’s face, whether through her endless teasing, playful antics, or dramatic declarations of love.

“Unnie, you’re so serious all the time,” Eunchae whined one morning as Chaewon organized the day’s schedule. “How can you live like that?”

Chaewon glanced up from her notes, unimpressed. “Someone has to be serious, or this group would fall apart.”

Eunchae gasped, clutching her chest as if she’d been mortally wounded. “Are you saying I don’t contribute to the group’s stability?”

“Not in the way you think,” Chaewon deadpanned, but the corners of her mouth twitched upward despite herself.

Eunchae noticed immediately. “Ha! You smiled! I knew I could do it!”

“Don’t get cocky,” Chaewon muttered, trying to hide her amusement.

Their dynamic was a constant push and pull—Eunchae poking and prodding Chaewon’s composed exterior, and Chaewon pretending not to enjoy it. But deep down, Chaewon adored the maknae’s boundless energy and infectious positivity.

During rehearsals, Eunchae’s mischievous streak often made an appearance. One time, as Chaewon was demonstrating a particularly difficult dance move, Eunchae snuck up behind her and mimicked her every motion, exaggerating them for comedic effect.

The room erupted in laughter, and Chaewon spun around, glaring at Eunchae. “Do you want extra practice tonight?” she threatened, though there was no real malice in her voice.

Eunchae grinned, unrepentant. “You’re just mad because I did it better.”

“Better?” Chaewon scoffed, her lips twitching. “You’re lucky I like you.”

“I knew it!” Eunchae crowed, earning another round of laughter from the other members.

Despite her playful nature, Eunchae had a knack for sensing when Chaewon needed a break. One evening, as Chaewon sat in the living room, her shoulders tense from a long day, Eunchae plopped down beside her with a bag of snacks.

“Here,” Eunchae said, holding out a chip. “Eat this. It’s scientifically proven to cure stress.”

Chaewon raised an eyebrow but accepted the chip. “Is that so?”

“Yep,” Eunchae said confidently, munching on one herself. “I read it on the internet. And the internet never lies.”

Chaewon snorted, her tension easing as they shared the snacks.

For all her teasing, Eunchae’s affection for Chaewon was unmistakable. One night, after a particularly grueling day, Eunchae approached Chaewon with uncharacteristic seriousness.

“Unnie,” she said softly, “you’re doing a really good job. I know we don’t say it enough, but we all see how hard you work for us. And we’re really grateful.”

Chaewon blinked, caught off guard by the heartfelt words. “Eunchae…”

“Don’t get used to it,” Eunchae said quickly, her usual playfulness returning. “I still think you’re a boring old lady most of the time.”

Chaewon rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her smile. “You’re impossible.”

“And you love it,” Eunchae quipped, leaning against Chaewon’s shoulder.

Chaewon sighed, but there was no mistaking the warmth in her voice. “Yeah, I do.”

Moments like these reminded Chaewon that, for all of Eunchae’s teasing, the maknae’s lightheartedness was an essential part of their group’s dynamic—and of Chaewon’s own sanity.

-----

y/n

If Chaewon’s life as a leader could be described as controlled chaos, then y/n was the quiet reprieve she didn’t realize she needed. Where the other members brought challenges, energy, or playfulness, y/n brought balance—a steady presence in the whirlwind of idol life.

From the start, there had been an undeniable connection between them. y/n had joined the group later than the others, but it didn’t take long for her to settle into the dynamic. Chaewon was impressed by how seamlessly y/n adapted, how effortlessly she picked up choreography, and how she never let the pressure rattle her.

“You make it look so easy,” Chaewon had commented one day during practice, watching y/n nail a particularly tricky move.

y/n had laughed, wiping the sweat from her brow. “Trust me, it’s not. I just have a good teacher.”

The compliment caught Chaewon off guard, and she found herself smiling, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

From that moment, Chaewon began noticing little things about y/n—the way she always made sure everyone had water during rehearsals, the way she seemed to instinctively know when Chaewon needed a break, and the way her laugh could cut through even the most stressful day.

But what really stood out was the way y/n treated her. To the others, Chaewon was their reliable leader, someone to lean on and respect. But y/n treated her as… Chaewon. Just Chaewon.

One evening, after a long day of schedules, Chaewon and y/n found themselves alone in the dorm’s kitchen. Chaewon was mindlessly scrolling through her phone while y/n prepared a late-night snack.

“Want some?” y/n offered, holding out a plate of toast topped with avocado and a sprinkle of chili flakes.

Chaewon hesitated but nodded, accepting a piece. “Thanks.”

y/n grinned. “Careful, it’s spicy.”

Chaewon took a bite, only to immediately start coughing as the heat hit her. y/n burst out laughing, handing her a glass of water.

“You could’ve warned me!” Chaewon choked, glaring at y/n through watery eyes.

“I did!” y/n protested, still laughing. “I said it was spicy!”

Chaewon tried to stay mad but found herself laughing along. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet, you keep me around,” y/n teased, a playful glint in her eye.

It was moments like these that made Chaewon’s feelings for y/n harder to ignore. She wasn’t sure when it started—when the casual glances turned into lingering stares, or when their late-night conversations became the highlight of her day. All she knew was that y/n made her feel seen in a way no one else did.

One night, as they sat on the dorm’s balcony watching the city lights, y/n turned to Chaewon with a soft smile.

“You’ve been quiet tonight,” y/n said, her voice gentle. “What’s on your mind?”

Chaewon hesitated, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her sweater. “Just… everything. Being a leader, keeping things together. It feels like a lot sometimes.”

y/n reached out, her hand brushing against Chaewon’s. “You don’t have to carry it all alone, you know. We’re here for you. I’m here for you.”

The sincerity in y/n’s voice made Chaewon’s heart flutter. She looked down at their intertwined fingers, her breath hitching.

“y/n,” Chaewon started, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t think I say this enough, but… you mean a lot to me.”

y/n’s eyes softened, her grip on Chaewon’s hand tightening slightly. “You mean a lot to me too, Chaewon. More than you probably realize.”

The air between them grew heavy with unspoken words, but Chaewon couldn’t bring herself to look away. Slowly, tentatively, y/n leaned in, her gaze searching hers for permission.

Chaewon’s breath caught, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she closed the gap, her lips meeting y/n’s in a soft, lingering kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, y/n chuckled, her forehead resting against Chaewon’s. “So… does this mean I’m your favorite member now?”

Chaewon rolled her eyes, but her smile gave her away. “Don’t push your luck.”

y/n grinned, pressing another quick kiss to her cheek. “Worth a shot.”

As they sat there, the city lights twinkling around them, Chaewon realized that, for the first time in a long time, she felt at peace. With y/n by her side, she wasn’t just a leader—she was simply Chaewon.

And that was more than enough.

____________________

A/N: Hi! Took me forever but I'm back. This was honestly very fun to write, I'm half tempted to do it with Jihyo as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Feel free to drop a request, but keep in mind I might take forever to do it.

[lunar-wandering]

knowing about the yin and yang snakes on the temple has me thinking things about Macaque's shadow magic turning into chaos magic again

there's always a bit of yin in yang. it makes sense then, that, if Macaque's abilities somehow were tied into yang (order), to fight against yin (chaos), that they could become tied into yin (chaos) should it start leaking into the world/overpowering yang (order).

but. if that's the case.

why the fuck would Macaque, of all people, represent the balance between yin and yang??????

did he just... make a deal with someone connected to it? is that what happened?? or is it deeper than that??? i'm losing my mind

[lua-magic]

Seventh house sign and what you attract in your life

Here, I am mentioning about the sign in which your seventh house falls, and not the planets.

Planets I will discuss in my later blog.

Seventh house Aries.

You will attract partner who has martian qualities.

Could be short tempered and ready to fight, now if you have planets here, like malefic planets then it shows frequent fights with partner, but if you have benefic here, then effect would be reduced.

Mars not alway represents fight, but good Mars represents safety, security and possesive and protection.

So, partner could be possessive and make you feel safe and secure as well as well.

Seventh house in Taurus.

Your spouse will have all the qualities of Venus, self love, self care, obsessed with beauty and food, shopholics, love to dress and groom.

Taurus is also quite logical sign and agressive as well, so partner would be logical and aggressive and flirtatious as well.

Seventh house in Gemini.

Partner will have all the qualities of Mercury like communication, skilled, looks quite young, child like, playful and big prankster and sarcastic.

Mercury is asexual so spouses could be detached sexually.

Seventh house in cancer.

Spouse would be emotional, and could cry easily, and you have to communicate with him/her emotionally.

Spouse could also have all mother like emotions, and probably think you as their kid more than spouse.

Seventh house in Leo.

Baundaries, baundaries and baundaries.

Remember my seventh house Leo ladies and gentlemen never cross your baundaries because you are dealing here with king .

So maintain your baundaries.

Spouse could think highly about themselves, and their ego could get hurt fast. They respect and love themselves alot

Seventh house in Virgo.

Love to analyse you and judge you.

They take out all the mistakes in you and constantly find faults and do lot of nitpicking.

Here, you need to draw clear baundaries and tell them what is acceptable and what is not

Seventh house in Libra.

Loves to communicate, all friends like character, quite libral and fun loving character and balanced emotionaly.

You both will be like ☯️ yin and yang.

Seventh house in Scorpio

You will spouse who struggled alot in their past and has lot of past life emotions and traumas stored.

You must support them emotionally.

Scorpio is also sign of secrets and occult, so your partner could be secretive and even into occult.

Seventh house in sagg.

You guys will attract spouse who are like teacher and counselor to you, they would love to advise you and correct you.

Quite Frank and upfront about your mistakes and help you to make long terms plans for you .

Seventh house in Capricorn.

Native attracts partner who are workholic, logical and give importance to work life

Native could also marry their colleagues or meet their partner in work.

Seventh house in Aquarius.

Native attracts partner with large friends Group and are quite popular in their friends, partner is ambitious and probably could have large fan bas on social media.

Seventh house in piesces.

Native attracts soulmate from their past life

They could dream of their soulmate alot before or after meeting them.

Especially, if women has their Jupiter or seventh lord and man has Venus or seventh lord in piesces then it is mostly past life connection.

Mercury in seventh house gives native karmic connections, and native stays friends with their ex as well.

They usually marry their friends and and have very friendly relationship with their partners.

Venus in seventh house gives native connections who are quite fast to move on after break-up, as Venus is fast moving planet. Venus here gives partner who loves to spend money as well and are flirty in nature..

Mars here creates fight in relationship, untill and unless you marry partner who has exalted Mars

Mars seventh house natives should look for people whose Mars is exalted, then only it will be an energy match.

Sun in Libra, could create marital problems and ego clash, such natives are advised to be more grounded in relationship.

Jupiter here, gives spiritual partner, and also restricts sexual life pleasure.

Saturn in Libra people go for long term relationship, as Saturn is exalted here.

Moon here again gives multiple partners and relationship and cause dissatisfaction from their own partner.

South node creates first obsession with marriage and at later stage native becomes detached to marital life .

North node gives multiple relationship, and high sexual desires, hence, native should be careful of heartbreaks.

[minus-plus-zer0]

Shopping with Bakugou

♡ Genre: Fluff ♡ Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Bakugou hated shopping. You loved it.

That weekend, you headed back to the shopping mall, your one true home. Bakugou tagged along like a lost puppy. That was quite unfortunate for him because whenever you shopped for clothes, Bakugou automatically became your coat rack. You hung clothes and shopping bags on him like ornaments on a Christmas tree. He hated Christmas.

Bakugou had never felt like he was hurting for cash. His entire life, his parents were well-to-do enough that money was never a serious issue. So he couldn't relate to your financial troubles mixed with your egregious spending habits. He understood why you did what you did, because he understood you like the back of his hand, but that didn't mean he approved.

"You bought an outfit yesterday."

"But this one is slightly different! It has a gold accent instead of silver!"

Regardless, you checked your bank account and you noticed you didn't have enough in your budget to spend. The world could be so cruel to you. With many tears, you put the outfit back on the rack.

Seconds later, Bakugou dragged you to the cashier so he could (literally) pay for your silly antics.

"Oh you don't have to spend your hard-earned money on me, Bakugou! It's fine, I have an outfit just like it at home..."

"It's not the fucking same. That other shit had too much gold. This one is silver."

With Bakugou paying, you limited how many stores you went to in an attempt to be considerate to his financial situation. But Bakugou was not nearly as cautious, not when it came to you. But now he was buying stuff he would think looks good on you, and if you allowed, his mind would go places...

It was as if Bakugou was telling you not to waste your money, but to waste his instead. It was a good thing you always kept each other in check, because it was this yin-yang balance you shared that prevented many, many bad purchases.

[iz-star]

About Zayne's loneliness.

Sometimes I wonder what an angry Zayne looks like? I mean, NOT angry at MC/you but maybe angry at Astra and/or his fate for putting him in such difficult and unfair situations.

Zayne loves MC deeply, with his whole being, but loving her makes him be 'selfish', to want something for himself, to seek his own happiness alongside MC when it seems that his fate was always to serve others before looking after himself.

It's like he himself said in Master of Fate's Myth: "When emotions and desires are involved, selfishness is bound to exist".

In Master of Fate, he's deemed as a Siming which in Chinese mythology, is a kind of deity in charge to allocate humans' life spans, and according to Wikipedia:

"Siming's special concern (and power) is the balancing of yin and yang (Hawkes 2011 (1985), 109). Of particular relevance here is the relation between yin and yang balance and human health, and the importance to individual human health of such balance, as articulated in traditional Chinese medicine. Siming has the power to balance or unbalance yin and yang, and thus to lengthen or shorten human lifespans, or to provide health or prolong illness".

Siming could decide to provide health to a person or to prolong illness, in that way, having an important role into deciding people's life spans. It's interesting cause Dr Zayne and Dawnbreaker pretty much do the same.

Dr Zayne does his best to cure and take care of people, thus stretching out their life span, while Dawnbreaker gives them a merciful death to avoid them to live as walking corpses, thus shortening their life span.

Unlike Master of Fate or Foreseer, at first glance it could look like Dr Zayne and Dawnbreaker have no God-like power, thus have no control over destiny or fate, yet they still do.

It's actually Foreseer the one who lacks some kind of jurisdiction about people's lifes and fates; he could still glimpse at their destiny, being aware of what awaits people but wasn't allowed to intervene in any sense and most of all, he wasn't allowed to glimpse at his own fate.

In any case, until now, all Zayne's lifes have always been about taking care of other's destiny but what about him? When describing gods, Zayne is actually quite humble, saying that gods maybe are just like humans, except that they had the chance to do a bit more.

Zayne is quite selfless. He's not the kind of man who would blame his destiny for all the things that have happened to him and yet... They're still unfair.

Foreseer once said: "My destiny is to disappear from the annals of history... For someone who wants to remember me, it certainly feels wonderful".

At some point, Zayne's duty isolated him in every life time. He lived alone and caged in a Tower in Foreseer's Myth, he lived alone in the Mountains as Master of Fate, and he lived totally alone as Dawnbreaker. His only companions were Jas/Bai but no other human being.

Dr Zayne is actually the only one whose duty has brought him some kind of recognition, admiration and appreciation (and well deserved, of course), and hasn't isolated him from society, but funnily enough, he has this condition with his evol that sometimes turns him into a treath, which makes him keep others at arms length, especially MC. As for Master of Fate? Foreseer? Dawnbreaker? They all have to move the threads behind backstage in a lonely duty, being Foreseer the most severe case. It doesn't help that in the Foreseer timeline, Zayne is even explictly prohibited to be with MC.

Zayne's fate was always to look after other people's fate but like I've said before, MC was always the exception of every rule in his book because she was the one who made him yearn for human warmth and closeness with someone else and because of that, he'd break the rules to ensure she lives a long happy and safe life, even if is not at his side... Unironically.

In Foreseer's Myth, it is said that Astra prohibited him of being with MC in this and his other lifes because Zayne was a tool. At first, Astra's severity at punishing Zayne looked more like a senseless tantrum of a prepotent god and while that might be true, it seems that Zayne not being able to be with MC in every life time is simply because she would never allow him to fullfil 'his destiny' and to make matters worse, she's a "variant" (We don't know exactly what this entails, we just know that is something threatening, I have some assumptions about it but let's keep it like this for now) . That's why, unlike Rafayel and the other LIs, it seems that he doesn't keep memories of his previous lifes or previous experiences with MC, yet he said once that if souls truly existed, then he was sure that his soul recognized MC before his memory did. MC is this person that always reminds him that he's not just a "tool", a means to an end, but an individual being that is also deserving of something better.

Zayne's love for MC often reminds me of that Córtazar quote: "You were always my mirror, what I'm trying to say is that, in order to see me, I had to see you"

I wonder if there's one life time where Zayne will be allowed to have happiness and company without having to pay a high price for it.

[hyog-blog]

Fangs of Fortune: The Game of Yin and Yang

I love how Zhao Yuanzhou is basically embodying the philosophy of Yin and Yang, which is much more flexible and practical than the old-fashioned Christianity-inspired good vs. evil dichotomy.

And because it is Chinese philosophy, we don't get too much of that black-and-white nonsense in the show, but instead, we get to explore 50,000 shades of black, white, and gray playing with each other beautifully. And what better way to convey the ambiguous nature of this world, which seems so bent on the Duality of literally everything, than to take the Evilest Force in the world and attach the most gentle, caring, and loving soul to it (to torment both that soul and everyone who gets to witness this torment).

I mean, the recipe is nearly perfect, it really is. And not only do we get to see this evil mixed with a hefty portion of good (like that drop of white inside the Yin-Yang symbol), but we also get to see the perfectly good and innocent characters mixed with a hefty drop of black (like Bai Jiu who got possessed by Li Lun).

Children are considered by society as the most innocent creatures (okay, Bai Jiu is a teenager, but he could still pass), that's why getting him taken over by someone so dark and broody and ill-intended like Li Lun hits even harder. Like all that innocence becomes tainted by something so bad. And at the same time, being a supposedly innocent child, we also see that Bai Jiu really isn't stainless himself (and he got to explore a bit of his darker side when he betrayed his friends).

And yet, it is also Li Lun, who is not someone abysmally bad (he's just lost, and wounded, and a bit more on the demonic spectrum when it comes to ethics and morality), who gets attracted to that light and purity to get a chance at redemption (which he does get in the end!). It's as if being in that body, chatting with those people, experiencing some friendliness before he got exposed actually mattered to the point that it changed him as well (and thus, that droplet of light in the blackness of Yin started doing its magic, slowly transforming the darkness, giving hope to someone who has seemingly lost it).

There's also Zhuo Yichen and his ability to see the good for what it is and his inability to see evil where there is none. Like, if it was someone else (even in real life probably) they would righteously hate Zhao Yuanzhou no matter what (maybe even knowing that he had no choice but to kill all those people). But this young man not only sees the good in Zhao Yuanzhou, that droplet of light that shines brighter than all that malicious energy, but he actually has enough goodness in him to forgive ZYZ.

Because Zhuo Yichen's beautiful soul, no matter how innocent and pure, has seen despair and lived through so much grief that it also changed him, making him more empathetic than most people (and that's yet another thing that Zhuo Yichen and Zhao Yuanazhou have in common - they both got transformed by the heaviness of their grief, two perfectly gentle creatures who just had to explore the depth of human and demon suffering, and that's why they meet on level ground).

And what makes their relationship especially beautiful, is that they both came to the same point, but moving from different directions of the spectrum - Zhao Yuanzhou was clinging onto his own light in the Ocean of Darkness, but that light was piercing enough for him to survive and remain himself. Zhuo Yichen was light that had lived through pain and grief of unimaginable proportions, and it changed him, but it didn't drag him down into that Ocean of Darkness.

It's a type of equilibrium, and they both, each in their own right, continue looking for ways to find balance in their lives (and then they meet each other and it changes them again). Zhuo Yichen sees that there's always light in the darkness (and Zhao Yuanzhou is a stark example of it), for Zhao Yuanzhou - Zhuo Yichen is that light shining brightly, reminding him that it actually exists, and it grants him absolution. And it also makes things especially painful for him because his darkness (that malicious force) tainted that light (but it didn't, really, it transformed ZYC into something more).

And when Li Lun gives his energy/life force to Zhuo Yichen, and then when ZYC gives all those powers, adding his own, to Zhao Yuanzhou for him to break the barrier and kill Wen Zongyu - this is the reflection of the same Yin and Yang principle, the all-pervasive energies penetrating into each other, becoming one another, ever-changing. Basically what they're saying with this is "I am you and you are me and there's no difference." And not even some magic barrier can stop those energies from becoming one.

Zhuo Yichen actually understood Zhao Yuanzhou even before he got turned into a demon himself (and once again we're shown that it's not that the demons are all bad, you can still choose what to be even if you turn into one, and if you have that droplet of light inside of you, like the Yin and Yang, there's always a chance it will overpower even the borderless Darkness, be it inside a human or a demon heart).

We also get to see how that droplet of light comes in the form of love into Zhao Yuanzhou's life (from Wen Xiao, Zhuo Yichen, and the rest of their little gang), and it slowly transforms him, a very depressed being, who's already suicidal, and in the end, he actually feels alive enough to not want to die. That transformative power of light is actually limitless.

In the show, we see people come out of the darkness of their souls and bad states and depressions to see the light of something more, but then there's also the main bad guy who turned full-on evil because his wife was killed, and we see how that droplet of darkness pushed that person to the brink of becoming a murderer and torturer of both humans and demons.

And there's also the notion of Li Lun with that one thing, one betrayal, one drop of darkness changing him and bringing him close to the brink of turning full-on evil himself (he pretty much is at some point, but he never loses the ability to feel, it's just that he can't process his own grief, pain, and all those emotions that are eating him up). And even for him, who has gone so far, there was still a chance to get back (which he does, having experienced the transformative power of Zhao Yuanzhou's love that has never disappeared). So Li Lun's life is spared and he transfers himself into that piece of root that Zhu Yan saved, for he never stopped caring about Li Lun, and the latter could finally see that in the end.

Even with Wen Xiao, we see how something 'bad' (the death of her father) leads to something 'good' - she is found by the Goddess and later becomes a Goddess herself and gets to meet Zhao Yuanzhou. It's all so relative and nuanced that we can't really say that something is actually good or bad, just like with the show's characters and their personal journeys.

And don't get me started on Ying Lei, the ultimate sunshine boy, who gets dragged into the dark world of human-demon relationships, vengeance, and doomed narrative to pave a path of his own. Sometimes a droplet of light does drown in the Ocean of Darkness, but it still makes a huge difference and transforms everyone's lives before it finally fades away (that, and other people's doomed narratives may also be contagious if you go deep into those relationships). Well, we can argue that his narrative was also doomed from the start but that's a topic for a different essay XD

I just love how the show is not only about good fighting evil, the whole fight is like a veil, a premise, a stage to tell a story about characters that are much more complex than that very familiar dichotomy. And just like in life, good things sometimes lead to bad consequences, and bad deeds can bloom into something wonderful against all odds.

[queers-gambit]

Careful What You Wish For

prompt: he's highly reactive, you're incredibly enduring. he's a righteous dick, you're criminally empathetic. he's temperamental, you're amenable. but you're done being his doormat. -> or in which Billy resorts to breaking up when you two fight, but when he comes to make up (like clockwork), you finally have a change of heart.

pairing: Billy Hargrove x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Stranger Things

word count: 5k+

warnings: it's not much so don't expect a lot! author has Daddy Issues™️ and you're gonna deal with it, cursing, drama for drama's sake, Billy Boy's trauma translates into a toxic relationship, feelings are hard, abrupt ending, angst, hurt not a lot of comfort; healthy parent relationship? wild.

and NO this is NOT influenced by Hoover's book / Blake's movie! i have NOT read the book nor seen the movie, so if you recognize similarities, it's 100% unintentional!

To be reactive means to impulsively act upon circumstances instead of rationally considering situations that would asses a humane, clean, agreeable, "legal" response. To be reactive is exactly what it sounds like. It's reacting. It's not thinking, it's not being considerate or logical. It's being fueled by emotion, to be impulsive and rash. To be reactive was borderline selfish as the response is one-sided and results from only a single person's perspective.

Part of growing up is learning to handle your reactions; to absorb situations and consider the best possible option forward. Thing is, it's not a skill people could master in a day, week, month, year - it took a lot of time, focus, and constant, conscious dedication. People in high school were attempting to master this skill; people in college, their 20's - hell, there's even people in their 30's and 40's still trying to learn and perfect the ability to fucking handle their reactiveness.

So, in actuality, you couldn't fault Billy for being "this" way. It's not like he was doing it consciously, maliciously, or on purpose; he genuinely didn't know better and it's hard to unlearn lessons life taught you. Considering the environment he grew up in, you knew Billy stood absolutely no chance to learn and develop healthy coping mechanisms and forms of communication - but Christ, it was difficult to date him.

All romantic bullshit aside, Billy's attitude was increasingly concerning the further your relationship progressed. He required a lot of love and patience - of which, you had an abundance of and was happy to give. Yet that's the key word, abundance - NOT unlimited. He's sensitive, meaning easily irritated; damn near any and everything inconvenienced him. His mouth moved before his neurons could fire. He refused to compromise or admit defeat like Flat Earthers refuse scientific evidence. He would always choose throwing a fist over using his words. He embodied the cutting image of "bad boy", but he also lived it if his lack of manners and foul mouth was any indication. He was aloof, malcontent, egotistical, had the emotional intelligence of a fucking jellyfish, operated as an iron lock with a thrown-away key.

And Billy loves you. You knew, in his way, he loves you. But you also knew how hard it was for Billy to have any degree of emotion for any given reason. This meant more often than not, you worried his feelings for you were forced, or at the very least, ebbed and waned. Odd, isn't it? How his trauma causes a trauma response in you?

Billy was far from perfect, but you didn't need him perfect. You needed him to be loving, supportive, kind and caring, honest, empathetic... All things nobody would EVER think of when trying to describe Billy.

Yet you two worked. Polar opposites; two ends of the spectrum; a flowery romance novel and a doomed tragedy.

You used to think he was the ebony ink and you, the pure snow in the Yin and Yang symbol - or a taijitu. He was dark and brooding and abused and hateful - but with you, as that single dot of white, he felt balanced. You're bright, blinding, glittering, passionate - and with Billy, he added that speck of darkness (or realism) to your purity.

Sure, this could mean literally since you lost your virginity to him within a couple months of dating, but more so in the sense that Billy's pessimism was darkening your optimism; almost as if he was pouring water from your glass into his to force you to see your glass (read: reality) as half empty. It was as if he was corrupting you. Yet perhaps not in the sense we all might think - like he takes you to party all weekend, blow off school, engage in sketchy or concerning or dangerous activities, experiment with drugs and sexual positions that border on acrobatic. His corruption was more along the lines of draining you; where you were once bright and happy, so excited to love and be loved, to live life; you're now just tired and passive and accepting.

Billy wasn't easy to love. When you first started dating, it felt like a challenge - winning him over. You were determined to prove yourself ideal, capable, and willing to endure him and all his (and his family's) antics. Yet as time passed, you fell so deeply in love with him that you didn't even remember why you first kept coming back for more. He was intoxicating; he invades any space and commandeers not just attention, but leadership and control.

Billy was the flame. You, the moth. Yet eventually, fires will die. They will not burn forever. Whether from a lack of oxygen, wood, or something like the wind snuffs it, no flame ever endures forever. And now, the flame was dying and you were finding lesser reason to linger around dwindling warmth.

You see, there's only SO much a person can take. Being so reactive, fighting with Billy is fucking clockwork. It's eerily like a science the way you two will always fight when one of you has the realization, "Wow, things are SO peaceful and SO nice right now!" Naturally, because God (or karma, the universe, whoever) had a sense of humor, would choose that moment to cause issue.

Fights with Billy were usually sparked by something decently simple - like you being paired with Jason Carver for a tutoring session, or taking an extra 10 minutes in the shower after your sports practice, or telling him, "Sorry, I can't go out Friday, baby, I told the Wheeler's I'd babysit." This would cause Billy to spiral. Akin to a ripe, seasonal Kansas tornado.

Fights with Billy usually got personal, and since you knew and trusted one another so well, there was plenty of ammunition. Insults were hurled for an unGodly amount of time, but it was because Billy loved pulling loose threads to watch everything unravel.

Fights with Billy usually ended in a single, consistent manner: with him breaking up with you. Oh, it was infuriating! Billy had both fight and flight instincts - you know, from being so reactive - that he was all for throwing a punch, but when it came to real accountability or resolution, he'd flee; never caring about who he might hurt in the process. He'd engage his "fight" response, and then turn around and "flee", only to return later and resume fighting! Talk about fucking whiplash! Billy was like a wrecking ball, and if you were gonna fight, he was gonna make sure he was ready for it.

This fight was no different.

You can't even remember why it started, but it did and now, you sat on the front porch stairs of your family home, head bowed into your arms while silently weeping. Was it sadness? Was it despair? Acceptance? Frustration? Defeat? Was it anger that made you cry? Were these tears of humor? Disbelief? Exhaustion?

Perhaps all of the above at once.

"Look, I just think we need to take a break. From each other."

You held your breath, rolling your lips between your teeth and slowly looking up at the boy you loved and hated most in this world. Billy was standing at the bottom of the stairs, one arm propped on the freshly painted wooden bannister to hold his balance; watching you with mild remorse, mostly neutrality. You smirked mirthlessly, nodding, "Right, okay."

Billy scoffed, ash falling from the end of his lit cigarette, asking, "Really not gon' say nothin'? Don't wanna fight or argue 'bout this?"

"Why bother, Billy?" You snipped, wiping your tears. "You do this every time. Fuck's sake, it's like something gets a little hard or inconvenient and we break-up."

He scoffed, "Yeah?"

"Mhm."

"Well, maybe this is the last time, sweetheart."

You just sighed, "Okay, Bee. I'm gonna go in, you kinda interrupted movie night to do this. So, now that you have, cool if I go in? Great, get home safe." You stood without waiting for his answer, turning for the front door and immediately seeking refuge inside. You locked the doorknob, then the deadbolt, and just for dramatic flare, latched the chain, too.

Using the sleeves of your shirt, you dried your face.

"Who was that, honey?" Your mother asked as you entered the dark living room, sighing as you dropped into your spot on the sofa; taking your little sister in arms as she settled on your chest once more.

"Just Billy."

"Oh, he didn't want to come in?"

"No, Mama, he had to go."

"Shame," she sighed, "I thought he would like this movie."

You only hummed, draping a thin blanket over you and your sister. "Pops. Hey, hey," you whispered, hand out, wiggling your foot into your father's thigh, "dad, hey. Daddy." Without looking, he handed over the bowl of popcorn mixed with Peanut M&M's and jumped when the sound boomed and the screen flashed with blinding action.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't focus on the heavy Austrian accent of the time traveling Terminator. Your head repeated the argument with Billy; how it had now spanned over several days and he had the audacity to knock at your door tonight, interrupting the week-standing movie night he KNEW your family participated in, and proceeded to break-up with you - AGAIN!

Yet something felt so fucking different this time.

You weren't sad by this "break-up" (yet) because you knew he was just being reactive and sensitive, but something didn't sit right about tonight. Your parents both worked incredibly long hours at tedious, stressful jobs, but they were very firm that every Thursday night was movie night - and Billy knew this. He knew where you were every Thursday. He knew better than to interrupt, he knew this time together was sacred since your parents worked so frequently but also actually seemed to like family time.

So, he chose tonight as the best time to initiate this break? Your heart hammered as you began to convince yourself this was a malicious move; he knowingly came to your house to inflict emotional turmoil when you were with family. It was deliberate, it was a manipulative power move; knowing he had such a hold on you that even during your beloved family time of bonding, despite being in a fight, you would still receive him; still come back to him.

Angry tears coated your eyes as Sarah Connor fought for her life. Where Billy was always highly reactive, being the eldest daughter, you were resilient and enduring; able to handle anything thrown your way. You were rational, decently calm; able to think through a storm, being only motivated by the sight of the sun. Billy had a bad attitude, he was arrogant, his ego inflated by the small town girls all drooling over him, but it was his abuse and lack of coping ability that made him into a righteous dick. Perhaps that was why he was attracted to you, being so empathetic and understanding that it bordered on criminal - especially with the way it slowly drained you of life. Billy was temperamental, angry and hurt by the world; and you were amenable, agreeable - not a pushover, but similar to water in the sense that you could adapt and conform to any space, shape, or circumstance you're put in (willingly or not).

Something in your gut finally clicked.

You're done being his doormat. Loving Billy was dismantling you brick by brick; he thought because you were so accepting and understanding that he could act anyway he wanted, get away with it, and you'd always forgive him. You'd always take him back. He could rip your heart out of your chest, crush it into dust, and you'd still thank him when he sprinkles it in your hands - because at least he did that. At least he gave you a sprinkle. You were supposed to be grateful - never-minding that he was the one who continuously hurt you in the first place.

Your eyes drifted from the television to your mother and father sat together at the far end of the couch. 20 years married, and they still sat together like high school teens; his arm around her shoulders, kept close, sharing snacks, a throw blanket cocooning their legs. They were so gentle with one another; relying majorly on nonverbal communication, like when there's a jump scare, your father's thumb would sweep over the back of your mother's hand resting on his lap. It was a grounding technique you have long taken note of, but seeing it now just made you sad.

The desire to have a relationship like your parents was strong, but what was even stronger was simply setting a good example for your sister. You'd be devastated if you ever learned she dated a man like Billy; who put her through the emotional wringer for no direct or good reason. You thought you'd tell her it wasn't her job to fix anyone; it wasn't her responsibility or burden to help mold a boy into a man. Your heart would shatter if you learned she was like you - crying to sleep, throwing towels over all mirrors to avoid any reflection, walking on eggshells in an effort to keep the peace you weren't even charged with!

Watching her eyes glittering in the glow of the action movie, you knew what you had to do. If you didn't practice what you preached, you had no true leg to stand on; your words become contradictory, your concerns warped by perspective. You didn't want her to look at your parents, then at you and Billy, and think someone was wrong - or that love was somewhere in between your relationship examples. You wanted her to know love wasn't supposed to hurt, and if you needed her to understand that she deserved the best of the best, you needed to walk the walk that you talked.

Blinking back tears, you resigned yourself to forcing the feeling of contentment; hugging your sister closer, relishing the feeling of your father's warmth against the bottom of your feet where they laid. And as if he could read your mind, your father mutely kept his one arm around your mother, the other laying on your ankle; glancing over to catch your eye and offer a small, soft smile before focusing on the movie again.

You pecked your sister's forehead quickly, whispering, "You okay, Bug?"

"Uh-huh."

"Not too scared?"

"No," she answered, completely entranced by the television.

"Sure?"

"Uh-huh. Can you pause it?" She asked your father, who almost instantly reached for the remote to hit pause. Your sister jumped up and rushed from the living room before quickly doubling back to hang in the doorway, "I'll be back." Then she dipped behind the wall, only to pop back out a second later and punctuate, "With weapons!"

The living room was full of boisterous laughter as she scampered off to the bathroom.

There was a gentle knock at your closed bedroom door, head lifting from the lowered crane it unconsciously drooped into while reading the novel on your lap. With a grimace, you rubbed your neck and called, "Come in!"

"Hey, honey," your father spoke softly, poking his head in, "got a second?"

"Yeah, sure, Daddy, c'min."

He offered a small smile and entered at full, shutting the door behind him and confirming what you sensed - this was sure to be a serious conversation. He sat gingerly at the foot of your bed, heaving a great sigh, asking, "Whatcha readin'?"

"Oh, uh, just," you showed him the cover of your book, "it's for school, I have to write a report on it."

"Is it interesting?"

"It has a good message," you allotted, making him snicker. "I'm trying to be nice!"

"Uh-huh," he nodded, sighing again. "Listen, honey, I just wanted to talk to you about... You know, Billy."

"We use condoms, Daddy, and I'm on birth control."

"While that's great and exactly what every father wants to hear," he whined, "that's not what I meant."

"Oh," you sat up, book marked and set aside, "you mean tonight?"

"Yeah."

You shrugged, "It's not that big of a deal."

"You sure?"

"I got a handle on things, Daddy."

"I don't know if I can believe that, honey," he frowned, dimples on display, "because - you've - you're just..." He paused, shaking his head, "Your mother and I are worried about you. You're different since dating Billy and it's hard to ignore. I know it might not be comfortable to talk about, but you know you can always come to us, right?"

You nodded, "I know, Daddy."

"Good. 'Cause, he's 18, right?"

"I'm almost afraid to answer that, but yes...?"

Your father nodded, "Good, so I can legally kick his ass."

"Being friends with Hopper helps."

"Damn straight," he confirmed. "You sure everything's okay?"

"Yeah, we just broke up."

"What!?"

"Daddy, chill," you chuckled, "we do this every few weeks."

"Oh, Jesus - "

"But it's the last time!"

"Well, how can you be sure?"

"'Cause I deserve better."

The sigh your father released was out of relief, musing, "Goddamn right you do! Good girl!" He leaned in to peck your forehead quickly, patting your leg. "Well, I'll let you get back to reading..."

"Hang on," you halted him, feeling your heart lurch, "can I ask you something?"

"Anything, kid."

"Do you... not... like Billy?"

"Well, now that I know you two break up every few weeks, less so."

"Daddy."

He nodded, "I thought he was an all right kid, and you never had an ill word to say about him. But he was always kinda troubled, something about him always made me a little suspicious. Is there reason I shouldn't like him...?"

You stared at your father for several long seconds, both with varying expressions as you tried to telepathically communicate. When you understood his meaning, you blanched, "Wait - woah - hey - what!? No! No, Daddy!" You groaned, "Jesus, no! Billy's - Billy's troubled, yes, but he's not abusive or aggressive - not with me! I swear!"

"I'm sorry, I just - I needed to be sure! There's no easy way to ask these things, you know?"

"I know," you nodded, "and I appreciate you checking, but I promise, I'm okay, Billy's not like that. He's abrasive, yes, but he's still respectful."

"Noted," your father breathed, "that's actually relieving. So, uh... Am I supposed to bring you ice cream? Or rent some romcoms? This is your first break-up and I'm not sure what to do."

Your eyes rolled lightly, "Not yet, but keep that energy for when the emotions really set in."

"I'll stock up after work tomorrow," he promised.

"You're... Home this weekend?"

"Your mother and I thought for the next couple months, we'll take a break from conferences," he grinned, "spend some time with our favorite girls. Maybe even take a family vacation this summer!"

You grinned, "You mean it?"

"Of course!"

You launched into his embrace with a laugh, both full of mirth and amusement. Instead of leaving, your father actually situated comfortably on your bed and listened to your read your book - reminding him of the days he read you bedtime stories. He eyed the essay prompt your teacher had passed out with his listening ears on, and when there was a quote or relevant detail he thought related to your thesis, he made sure to speak up.

It was the most at-peace you've felt in ages.

"Bug! You have exactly 90 seconds to get down here!" You hollered into the house, walking out the front door while storing your novel in your book bag. Turning forward, you gasped when you nearly ran into Billy - standing before you, fresh as a fucking daisy. "Jesus Christ, Billy, you scared me," you scolded, keys jangling.

"Sorry," he muttered, sighing, hands going to his back pockets, "didn't think you'd be comin' out so quick."

"We gotta catch the bus," you told him, turning to holler again into the open door, "BUG! LET'S GO!"

"Why? You know I normally drive you two."

"Yeah, but we broke-up last night, Bee, didn't think you'd wanna play taxi driver still."

"It's not bein' a taxi - "

"You live on the other side of town," you scoffed, "my house is literally out of your way. So, don't feed me that line." You could see Max leaning on the passenger door from where Billy's Camaro was parked on the street, waving to her; watching her grin and wave back. "What're you doin' here?" You asked him pointedly.

"Look, I know we argued and I got a little mouthy, but I was just pissed off and reacted poorly. But I slept on it, and I'm sorry for what I said. Can we please just try to move on?"

You scoffed, "Billy, you do this so often, I can't keep up anymore. Your insecurity isn't your fault, you're not to be crucified for it, but I can't be your punching bag. You can't lose your cool and yell and get 'mouthy', break up with me, run away for me to deal with shit, and then come back the next day. So, I appreciate the offer, but Bug and I are gonna catch the bus 'cause... Because..."

"Because why, baby?" He asked, voice hazy and thick.

"Because you should really be careful what you wish for, Billy, you might just get it. I think we should honor this break-up."

"What?" Billy breathed in earnest confusion. "No, hold up - "

"Billy, I'm sorry, I am. You know I love you - "

"So you're breaking up with me, 'cause you love me?"

"You're the one who broke up with me, Billy," you reminded, "and yes, I do love you, but I have to love me, too. I can't do them simultaneously, it seems."

"Of course you can - "

"Loving you means disrespecting myself," you told him. "Every time I come back to you, I'm chipping away at who I am. You and I - we used to be so good for each other, Bee. Remember? But now? You're just on this warpath and I refuse to be a casualty. So, yes, I love you, I love you so much, but I don't think we should be together anymore. I need time alone, to breathe and figure out who I am outside of you - and you obviously need time to process and get your shit together. If we stay together, we're only gonna hurt each other. But apart, we can freely move and improve and curate change without risk of harm to the other."

You both just stared at one another, the sound of thundering footsteps heard from behind you. "Bee!" Your sister squealed when she rushed out the door.

"Hey, Bug!" He beamed, bending to scoop her in his arms - just like she wanted. "Woah, woah, woah - when did you get such cool shoes, kid?" He asked her, holding her ankle to show off her tie-dye canvas shoes.

"Daddy got them! Aren't they cool!?"

"So cool."

"Do you want a pair? We can match!"

Billy smirked, setting her on her feet, "Tell you what, Bug, if you can find a pair my size, I'll match with'cha, yeah?"

"I'll tell Daddy!" She gasped, turning to look up at you. "Can we ride with Billy to school?"

"Not to - "

"'Course, kid, c'mon," Billy cut you off, and it was like you never even opened your mouth with the way your sister bounded down the porch, over the yard, and towards Max.

"Billy," you grumbled.

"You really wanna break the kid's heart this early in the day?" He asked, sighing and offering his hand. "C'mon, just until the end of today - she'll have the weekend to process."

"You know we're not a married couple getting a divorce and Bug is our kid?" You grumbled, slapping your hand into his and allowing him to lead you towards his car; where his sister was settling yours in the backseat.

"Might as well be."

"You're dramatic."

He only hummed, opening your passenger door and waiting until you were inside safely before shutting the door. You greeted Max happily in the backseat, Billy getting in the driver's and pulling off safely - slowly - to start towards the elementary school. While the middle and high school conveniently shared a lot, the elementary school was just a couple streets over. Bug was excited to tell the car all about her upcoming "field day", where the entire school participated in these outside courses, doing various physical activities - it was all good, honest fun.

"What team were you on?" Bug asked Max. "I'm on the Blue Team!" She proudly pulled out the bottom of her shirt; showing off the color. "We won last year, too!"

"Woah! That's so cool, you gonna win again this year?" Max asked.

"Uh-huh! Did your team win?"

"We didn't have field day."

"What?" Bug asked, sounding heartbroken.

"They didn't go to school here, Bug," you told her from the passenger seat, "they lived in California. Remember?"

Bug frowned, "You didn't get to play?"

"We had other activities," Max assured, "we just didn't have a whole day of it - your school sounds so cool!"

"You should come!" Bug gasped. "Today! You and Bee should come! Then you could have field day, too!"

Your heart melted listening to Max tell her why she and Billy couldn't - but that she needed Bug to pay extra close, extra special attention to the games so they could all play together later in their very own field day. You didn't have the heart to halt the plans, to tell Bug why that wouldn't be happening.

You felt Billy's eyes on you periodically through the drive, sisters in the back discussing what California was like. Bug was fascinated by the beaches - having never been - and asked all kinds of questions, nearly exploding in excitement when she learned Billy knew how to surf. You knew it was a source of anxiety for him; you knew Billy associated surfing with his mother and that ever since she left, he couldn't ride the waves. He wouldn't. It hurt too bad to look back on shore and miss that bright smile, yellow blonde hair he inherited, loose, free-flowing dress, and floppy straw hat.

Yet talking to Bug, he seemed relatively at ease.

From the back, Max watched as you, who hadn't so much as looked at Billy since he got in the car, reached over for his hand to hold in silent support. He held on tightly.

"All right, Bug," you called when Billy pulled up to the elementary school, getting out to pull the seat forward and assist her out.

"Bye, Max!" She hugged the redhead, then lunged between the seats, "Bye, Billy!"

She clamored out of the car, Billy fixing the seat for you as you knelt on the sidewalk and helped fix her backpack. "You good?" You checked, smirking at her.

"Uh-huh."

"Good. Listen, we'll take the bus home today, okay? Billy's got practice, so, remember - it's bus 104. Got it?"

"Bus 104."

"That's right, good girl. You get on bus 104, it'll take you to the high school and pick me up. All right?"

She took a deep breath, nodding, "I can do this."

"I know you can, Bug. All right, big hug!" You hummed as she wrapped her wee arms around your neck. "Oooooh! All right! That's good stuff!" She pulled back. "Have the best day, Bug. Love you."

"Love you," she messily pecked your cheek before rushing to join the procession of streaming kiddies. You stood straight and dusted off, sliding back into Billy's car, and once clear of the children, let his lead foot drop on the gas and speed into the school lot.

"Jesus," Max grumbled when the car swung into a parking space, "inna rush or something?"

"Just," Billy sighed deeply, shaking his head, "get out. You," he pointed at you, "stay put, we gotta talk." You remained, wishing Max a good day, watching her climb out of the car with her skateboard. As the redhead rode off for the middle school, Billy dropped back into his seat, slammed his door, and lit a cigarette with slightly trembling hands.

Silence echoed between you both, Billy handing over the cigarette mutely; students, peers, and faculty all milled around the Camaro to head into school. Smoke wafted from the rolled down windows. When time, the butt was tossed out and the silence remained.

"Bee," you whispered finally.

"I'm just..." He trailed, sighing, "Trying to savor this. Don't know when I'm gonna have you this close again."

He took your hand gently and stroked it with his thumb, emotion heavy in both your chests. "It's not like we're not gonna see each other again," you whispered.

"Not in the way I want."

"It's not like I want this, either."

"Then why're you doing this?"

You scoffed gently, "It's not me doing a damn thing, Billy, you've already done it all. I'm just holding you to your word because I know how fearful you are of commitment." You tossed his hand to his lap and grabbed your bag, reaching for the door handle, then pausing. "For the record," you ended softly, "I'm sorry, and I love you. I hope you find what you're looking for, Bee."

As you finally climbed from the sports car and into school, you felt like you were breathing air for the first time. Like you were feeling sunshine after a decade underground, like there were springs in your sneakers; vigor in your blood, optimism misting your mind into new possibilities. Yet, behind you, in a navy blue Camaro, Billy loosed two tears before tearing out of the parking lot in a fit of anger. Rage. Sadness. Desperation.

He wasn't seen at school the following week, but by the next weekend, rumors spread that he hooked up with both Allison Scott and Kimberly Jones at Donald Reefer's weekend party - so, you know, he seemed to be handling this break up well. It was what he wanted, after all.

And you? Let's just say, you were finally happy, healthy, feeling confident, rejuvenated, and ready to move forward and ONLY accept that which you KNOW you deserve.

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