#yesterday was just bad and I'm still sick sooo

[dirtylittlefairytales]

Don't play with fire | - Part 1 - |

Authors Note: Hey. This is my first try ever writing in English, since it's not my first language. I read it over several times, hopefully to correct all mistakes. Also this is the first try of fanfiction since 2016. Sooo I appreciate feedback and let me know what you think.. Please be kind. 🙏🥹

Originally I wanted to write a short backstory, but I think it’s just going to be multiple parts if you want to read it. So see this as a kind of introduction. In further chapters I wanted to try myself to write my smut fantasies out. I'm also going to upload this later to Ao3 under the username Lorily96.

-> Writing in 'italic' is supposed to be the your thoughts

Warnings: Describing of a Panic attack, Age Gap (Legal)

Word count: 8k

Tagging: @a-movie-that-youve-never-seen, @amethystblackkchaos, @hereforthehitsbaby

Some people say life is a cruel joke. Unexpected twists and pain waiting around every corner. Some people say the glass is never empty and everything happens for a reason. You can learn from anything.  Everyone you meet is either there for a reason, for a season or... for ever. However the world is not black and white, sometimes there is no reason at all. You know how you sometimes laugh when something bad happens to a stranger or friend. Like their ice cream falling to the ground, seeing a cop writing a ticket for somebody else. I think ‘Life’ itself is bored just like us. That's why sometimes you feel like it’s only getting worse. Doesn’t matter what you do, there is no luck to be found. That's exactly how you felt that day. Just strings of bad luck and to this day you still question yourself. Why? Why didn’t you say something? Why did you do it? Why didn’t you walk away? How did all of this happen in the first place? The events of that day living rent-free in your head, keeping you up at night.

~ Sometimes Life has a dark and twisted humor. ~

All those overprotective dads, who only want the best for their daughter. Your dad was one of them. He always told you: "Be wary of strangers", "Never tell someone your name if you feel something is off", “Go with your gut feeling” and "don't go near the car of a stranger". Seriously, he had good points.

Unfortunately, he didn’t tell you what to do, when you suspect someone is a serial killer. Maybe running or keeping your nose out of the situation would have been a great option. Well, since daddy had been out of the picture since you were 12, maybe he would have some kind of advice for that. Your mom had found out he was cheating, and after the divorce, he cared more about his new girlfriend and son than you. Why care about the daughter you raised for 12 years, your beloved wife, when you can just throw it away and play happy family with the next woman you find.

At times, you wonder if that's the reason you had some kind of daddy issues. Perhaps you liked older men like him because of that. Even today, his face still haunts and excites you at the same time. Remembering how drawn you were to him. He was so charming and devilishly handsome. You felt sick and appalled at yourself for feeling this way. Everything he did, seemed to play into his hands. Who would suspect the nice and charming dad next door? How many times did you lay awake in bed at night, the events of that day replaying themselves over and over. Like a continuous loop with no escape… 

It felt like yesterday. The only reason you were at the concert in the first place was because one of the other guys quit a week before. You couldn’t even blame him, since your boss was a total dick. Ever since you started working in the company a year ago he was just looking for a reason to fire you. Always criticizing you, commenting when your bathroom break was too long. Wore a skirt? Too provocative. Wore a sweater? Be more professional. You could make a whole list of the things he pulled off. You fucking hated working in that place and even more to work outside or around many people. You chose to work in IT because you could work alone and in peace. 

Outside of work, you were a relatively social person. Many friends and people seemed to like you. Despite preferring to rather stay home alone, with your cat and books, you were surprisingly good at making conversations. It felt strange, kind of ironic. Life had a stupid sense of humor. Sometimes you even felt like you were good at reading people. Your mom called it your sixth sense.

Working at the arena for the concert was a real hassle. It was so stressful. Over a week before the actual concert there was already a meeting. Everybody working in the stadium that night was there. They didn’t reveal too much that day. Apparently the whole concert was also a trap for this serial killer? 

They called him - The Butcher 

You remember hearing and reading about him in the news. He had killed 12 people till now and the FBI was sure he was going to show up there. Everything was top secret, everyone had an extra card for controls during that day and a code word. On the day of the concert you arrived extra early to get the last directions for the day. They even told you what he potentially could look like.

Work was boring. The company you were working for was responsible for ensuring that all the screens, cameras were working, both on the outside and on the stage, that the wifi was stable and so on… not the hardest task. There also were others who ensured the overall technology and speakers worked, but that wasn’t your job. Most of the time you and your colleague were sitting backstage, talking shit about your boss and listening to the show, at least you were, because lovely colleague Eric would do most of the stuff alone. What a sweetheart, right?

It felt a bit bad taking advantage of him. You knew he had a big crush on you, he wasn’t exactly hiding it. Relaxing backstage appealed more to you. Therefore it was totally fine with your conscience. This job was a pain in the ass and you already started applying for new jobs. You just had to hang on for a few more weeks. Hoping you could quit soon and work in a non toxic environment.

The first half of the concert remained uneventful. Fortunately, because your room was in the backstage area, you even talked to Lady Raven for a bit on her break. She was so nice and friendly. On and off stage, her whole personality was the same. Which you found truly great, a person like that was hard to find nowadays. The thinker for example seemed like a total dick from what you saw. Lady Raven and you also had some similar interests, it was so easy to talk to her.After asking about it, she told you that they hadn’t found the Butcher yet. She even told you a few more details on how the police got the information of him being there. Before she left you wished her good luck with the rest of her show and went back to work for a bit. 

Later on during the second half of the show, you stepped near the stage. The atmosphere felt incredible. The lights, the performance on stage and the fans screaming and singing the songs of Lady Raven. How you wished to be standing in the crowd just vibing and dancing to the music instead of working. If it weren’t for all the extra police and security in the arena, it would be a normal concert. 

Slowly you started making your way backstage as you saw people approaching from the audience room. Honestly you weren’t keen on talking to many people. Lady Raven started talking and announcing her dreamer girl, Riley. That must be why the people came in from the audience. At the end of the stage you turned around again. On your former spot stood a man. He was tall, with a nice backside, no doubt the father of the dreamer girl, looking at the stage.  Though he seemed to take a quick look around every now and then. Looking at him, he didn’t look like he was having much fun being here. He looked rather stiff. As you started walking back in his direction to get a better look, Eric called you. Sighing, you turned around. As you were making your way backstage, you felt like someone was watching you. 

“Hey, somewhere outside, a monitor has a bluescreen. I'll quickly go fix it. The show is nearly over. After that, we can start with cleaning things up.” Eric told you, as you walked down the stairs towards him.

“Okay, do you need my help?” You asked him, pushing a blonde strand of hair behind your ear, batting your eyes at him, hoping he would say no. 

“No of course not! I can do it alone. The problem is not that hard.” he answered, trying to show off.

You smiled. “Okay great! Then, see you later.” 

You walked past him into the backstage area. It wasn't that you disliked him, he was nice for a work colleague. However, nothing more. For one you had not much in common besides work, and he was a pushover. You could not imagine being with a man who had no opinion and just waited for you say anything until he stated his opinion. 

‘Like have an opinion, Boy?’ Rolling your eyes at the mere thought of his personality, you grabbed yourself a drink and went back to your little break room.

There you waited for the concert to finish, which you knew shouldn’t take too long now. When you heard the last song finished you decided to grab your purse and go into the hallway. Considering it was too good of an opportunity to pass by. When would you ever see celebrities up so close again? Maybe you could ask Lady Raven for a selfie? Or an autograph? You weren’t the biggest fan, but there was a possibility you could sell that autograph later on.

Uncertain where to go, you stood in the hallway. Dancers ran past you. Nobody seemed to take much notice of you. Coming from the left, you saw the thinker walking towards you, and kind of flirting with someone behind him. ‘Spicy.’ A light chuckle escaped you. Curiosity filled your brain and you decided to head in the direction he came from.

In the middle of the hallway, where several corridors met, stood Riley, the dreamer girl and her dad. If you remembered her name correctly that is. You stopped walking and observed them quietly from a little further away. 

‘Did the Thinker flirt with him?’ Now that you got a better view of him, you found that theory pretty reasonable. It felt almost unfair how attractive he looked. 

‘Was he married? Presumably.’ Not that you would consider making a move, besides his daughter was standing right next to him. That would be so awkward. Also remembering, the last time you let someone in, things unraveled in ways that left you a bit guarded. Despite your people skills, your mom and you apparently both had a thing for cheaters. After a year of being single, you told yourself it was for the best. Except for your job, life was good– At least that's what you tried to tell yourself.

Nevertheless you would never have considered being attracted to older men. He was at least 10 years older than you, maybe more. You were 25, and he could easily be in his 30s or even early 40s. All of a sudden the profiler’s description came back into your head: tall, strong, dark hair... 

Even though you've never been overly spiritual, you did believe in a sixth sense. The longer you thought about it, him standing in that hallway backstage. The way he subtly kept looking around for a second. Nobody noticed. ‘Wait… Did he notice you watching them?’ 

Pulling out your phone, you started swiping and typing randomly. Trying to look busy. Your thoughts were racing. He matched the description perfectly, and here he was, casually joking with his daughter like he didn’t have a care in the world. Despite his friendly smile and demeanor, there was something unsettling about him—a bit too friendly, almost fake? 

After looking at him a bit more, it just clicked into place. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that that may be him, the Butcher. Until now they hadn't found him, not that you knew of. So they were still searching for him. People backstage were rarely searched, except when they wanted to leave the arena.

‘God, you should think rationally. Could that really be him? Still he seemed normal…’

Except the look in his eyes. That look gave you unpleasant goosebumps. You grew anxious, you knew where the camera room was. Police officers were definitely going to be there and maybe the profiler was there. Then you could ask her if the man had been checked by security or talk to her about your uneasy feeling. 

Unfortunately you would have to pass him to get to the camera office. If he hadn't noticed you before, he certainly would then. Could you keep your cool? It didn’t matter. You knew you would overthink it in the evening, you had to do it. Your heart was starting to pound audibly in your chest. 

‘Deep breaths–

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and go. Don't panic.’ Grabbing your phone tightly in your hand, you started walking. 

As you approached them, Lady Raven emerged from her dressing room and started talking to Riley. She was so happy, grinning from ear to ear. As they chatted happily, the dad leaned forward and whispered something to Lady Raven that you couldn't make out. 

As soon as you heard her tell his daughter that they would talk shortly, alarm bells were going off in your head. Your brain stopped working, and your legs and mouth moved on their own. You felt a certain hero complex activating within you. ‘What if he was the Butcher? There was a possibility’

You felt uncomfortable leaving her alone with him. Something felt off. Before they could leave, you sprinted the last few meters towards them. Trying to cry on arrival. 

“Lady Raven, hay… I eh.. I.. I don't... Could I.. could I talk to you for a second? Please, I don't know what to do.. I–” you sniffled. You tried your best to cry. ‘Come one, you could lie better than that’, you thought angrily at yourself. ‘Who would believe you like this?’ This wasn’t going to be the first lie you ever told. You even lied on your last résumé. 

She immediately turned around her face full of concern and worry. For a second you thought you saw his jaw tensing and left eye twitch. ‘Did you imagine it? ‘

“Oh no. Hey, what's going on? You’re Y/N, right? We met earlier.” You nodded your head, keeping the hand over your lower face, while trying to remain in tears. For once, you were glad that you chose to wear your hair open today. Your long blond locks shielded your face even more from the prying eyes around you. 

“What's going on? Are you alright? Did something happen?” She asked more and more questions, putting her hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you.

“There was an accident, I...“ You just kept mumbling incomprehensible nonsense. Still shaking, sobbing, trying not to look up. You didn't even know what to do, what to say. 

“Hay, ehm… I’m so sorry. Could you give us a second? I will be right back. It won’t take long.." she said, apologizing to the two of them. 

“Of course, no problem. This seems serious! Take your time.”, said the man, his voice laced with concern.

‘Why did he sound so genuine, like he is truly concerned? Maybe I judged him too fast?‘

Gently Lady Raven took one of your hands and started to lead you away. It didn’t matter anyway, there was no going back. Now you need to play your outburst to the end and come up with a plausible story. While she brought you into her dressing room, it felt as if someone was staring holes into your back. 

After the door closed, you immediately felt more at ease. Bit by bit you tried to calm yourself. At least that was what it seemed on the outside. You don’t remember much of what you told her, some kind of sob story. The first idea that came into your mind. About your dad having a car accident. The whole car crashed... With your car being parked further away from the arena and you were so afraid your dad could die. That you at worst wouldn't make it to the hospital in time with all the police controls going on in and outside the arena. 

You cried, trying to think your story would be about your mom and not your dad. Which did the trick and made you sad. Being the kind person she is, Lady Raven suggested that you could drive with her in her limo, so you didn't have to go through the queues or security, and she would take you to the hospital or your car. You thanked her over and over again, as you wiped your tears away. 

How high was the possibility that the dad would like to briefly speak to Lady Raven again, when you went in the hallway again? Then everything would have been in vain. However you could’t pressure her. Something came over you, so you suggested that perhaps the other two could join them. Maybe they could also drive in the car? You tried explaining your suggestion somewhat rationally. That way she can still talk with the dad,

you would feel extremely bad if you kept her from talking to her fans. You didn’t want to cause any more trouble. 

Surprisingly, that seemed to work? No further persuasion was necessary. Which left you very surprised and perplexed. Was she truly such a kind person? Who was so trusting? Especially with everything that was going on here today. ‘Did she have such a shielded and good life, that she blindly believed you?’ You wondered.

‘Unimaginable…that could not be the case. You didn’t believe there were any truly good people left in this world.’

After another minute of collecting yourself, you went after Lady Raven. She had already gone ahead and had already told them the short version of what was going on, when you arrived. Asking them if they wanted to come too, so she and the dad could have their talk. She was way too kind and somewhat naive to even suspect you’d be lying. You almost felt ashamed of yourself, even stupid. What were you even doing?

The daughter gasped and tried not to jump up and down in joy, the way she gripped her dad's arm. She seemed to be torn between worrying about you and happiness. By being asked to drive with Lady Raven, her seemingly favorite artist in the world. She was honored and extremely happy for a few seconds, then she stopped and looked at you sympathetically. 

“I’m so sorry about the thing with your dad...” Nodding weakly at her, trying to keep your act up, you gave her a half smile. Unknowingly to you, you had started twisting the ring on your middle finger. A Tic. Something you always did when you're stressed out or nervous. 

The ring was nothing special. A plain black ring with some Greek numbers on it. A gift from your mom; from the only holiday you ever had taken outside the USA and since you were eighteen, there was hardly a day you didn’t wear it. 

“Why don’t we lead the way? That way, we can talk.” said Lady Raven and gestured to the man. 

“Yes of course... I mean, the circumstances are not the best, but thank you for considering Riley and me. We appreciate it.” He replied, looking concerned but with something unreadable in his eyes that made you want to look anywhere but at him. 

“It is no problem at all. Actually it was Y/N here suggesting it. She would have felt bad if we hadn't been able to have our conversation because of her.”

He raised a brow at you. “That is so thoughtful and kind of you to still think of others. Something really rare these days”

As he walked past you, he briefly touched your shoulder, making you nearly jump out of your skin. “And I’m really sorry about your dad. I hope he pulls through. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help” he smiled kindly at you.. 

“Yes, I hope so too. Thank you…” You trailed off, realizing you didn’t know his name. 

“Oh I didn’t even introduce myself. I'm Cooper, just call me Cooper.” holding out his hand.

“Well, thank you Cooper. Also, for your offer, maybe I will come back to that." you shook his hand. He had a firm, but not to strong grip. 'so he was married'

"Let’s get going, please.” Somewhere in between Cooper coming close to you, you almost forgot that you had a mission to get to the hospital fast. Daddy dearest was waiting.

He nodded and as he passed you, walking ahead, you suddenly realized just how big that man was. You hadn't even noticed it before. However, standing right next to him you realized it. He was at least 6′2″, not overly muscular, but also not skinny either. Lady Raven seemed tiny next to him, and you weren’t tall yourself—maybe around 5′5″ on a good day. 

Still, something about his vibe felt off. He seemed caring, yet on the other hand, almost relieved—or amused? 

Riley and you walked a bit behind the two to the cat, nobody had to go through any controls. Riley was such a sweet girl, asking you questions or talking about the concert to ‘take your mind off of your situation’. She was so nice. You kind of wish that you had a little sister like her, but no, you only had a half brother. The only reason he ever contacted you was for money from our grandparents' inheritance.

It was only when you reached the end of the corridor, you noticed Cooper looking over his shoulder. One corner of his mouth pulled upwards and his expression changed. Something sinister in his eyes for a split second. So fast that you were doubting yourself again.

Near the limousine, you felt your phone vibrating, probably Eric wanting to ask where you were. You had no time for that now. Shaking your head, you declined the call and started to write to him, saying that an emergency had come up and you would be back later. You didn’t notice that you arrived at the car until someone cleared their throat in front of you.  

Fuck, you almost ran directly into Cooper. Lady Raven and Riley had already gone inside. He looked at me expectantly, a small smile at his lips. You quickly locked your phone and held it up. “Sorry, my… Sister. She gave me the latest updates on our dad.." you explained, the lies just kept rolling off your tongue, and you just hoped they sounded believable. With that you went straight to the car, without waiting for a response. 

Maybe you should have started an acting career… 

You quickly sat down in the car, with Cooper following shortly after you. Keeping your phone in your hand to secretly keep twisting your ring behind it.

This guy was making you so nervous, not only him but also the lies. You even thought you heard a small deep chuckle from behind you, maybe it was just your nerves? The car started moving. You wondered what they talked about… What did he want to talk about to her? 

Lady Raven's voice brought you out of your thoughts. “Y/N, where should I let you out? You remember where you parked your car? Or should we drive directly to the hospital?” 

Car yeah… you almost laughed. You knew exactly where your car was, a few miles away at the mechanic, because your lights weren’t working. Why hadn’t you thought of that. 

“Eh no, no! Just let me know where my car is. It’s a few blocks away. At this free parking space. There’s my car; let me look up the street real quick…” That wasn't a complete lie. Normally, you would park your car there, because it was just cheaper than parking near or in the stadium. Now just your bike was parked there, well, if nobody had stolen it.

You started to unlock your phone to look up the address. A large hand grabbed your hand with your phone to stop you. Before you could even protest or say something, Cooper started talking in his chipper, happy voice. 

“Really? What a coincidence! I think that should be the same parking lot where Riley and I parked my car earlier. I do know the address, it’s just around the corner.  You don't have to look it up.” Lady Raven pressed a button and Cooper told the chauffeur where to go. The address did sound somewhat familiar. You pulled your phone and hand out of his grip. There wasn't much resistance and he put his hands back into his lap. 

You looked back at Riley and Lady Raven, they were deeply engaged in a conversation with each other. Noticing nothing around the. The phone in your hand started ringing again, and you quickly looked at the screen. This time, it was your boss; should you just accept the call? You did not get much time to think about it. 

“Have you heard anything yet?”, came Riley’s question towards you. 

You started twisting your ring again. 

“Ah yes, yes… My brother texted me..” your breath caught in your throat. Realizing you messed up. ‘Didn’t you just say to Cooper that it was your sister? Maybe he didn't notice. Good thing you hadn’t pursued your acting career…‘

“...and the doctor said it doesn’t look critical. Our dad seems stable at the moment… but he needs to be operated on quickly.. I'm sure I will get more information as soon as…” 

All of a sudden the whole car jolted to a stop, followed by wild car honking. You tried to find your footing, unintentionally gripping onto Cooper's thigh. Right before you could fall off your seat a hand pressed against your shoulder and pushed you back into the seat. You dug your nails even more into his thigh. Riley's bags tipped forward and many of the contents scattered a little on the floor. “Sorry, Lady Raven. The car in front of us braked abruptly." The driver apologized. 

“Everyone alright?” Cooper asked, concern dripping in his voice. 

“All good” said Riley and Lady Raven nodded. 

“Yes, I think so..” you  breathed. He came closer pushing a loose strand behind your ear. A blush crept on your face. After another second, you noticed your hand was still on his thigh, and you blushed even more. 

“Oh I’m sorry!” You exclaimed in a panic. He smiled kindly. 

“No problem. I’m glad nobody got hurt.” Then he got up from his seat to help Riley pick her things back up and put them back into the bags. 

Your phone began to ring again. ‘It’s now or never; it would only get worse.’

With a sigh, you picked up the phone and immediately held the phone as far away as possible from your ear. A loud voice screaming through the speaker. Seemed like your boss just started screaming at you at the top of his lungs. 

You mouthed a quick ‘Sorry’ to the others in front of you. He kept on screaming, ranting about how you were not at work and how he always knew you were a lazy piece of shit. He should have fired me months ago… The list goes on.

As Cooper sat back down. You tried to move your body back in the direction of your phone. Seeing as you didn't want to be too close to Cooper. He didn't seem to mind and put a calming hand on your knee this time. Your mind seemed to go fuzzy when you got near him.

Overall this was not your day, your nerves were all over the place. Your feelings felt like they were on a rollercoaster. You still weren't sure if your gut feeling was right… but you also didn't want to find out. All the lies you told today and now your boss is screaming at you? It was just too much. Clenching your fist and putting the phone near your ear again. 

“I quit.” were the only words you said, dry of any emotion. 

“What did you say?” came the angry reply. 

“I quit” Hot tears were forming in your eyes, Cooper gently started to caress your knee. “i’m so fucking done. You don't know what I am going through right now! Someone could die, and you don't even let me explain myself. So go to hell, and I fucking quit.” Enraged, you ended the call and immediately blocked his number. 

You put your head in your hands and sigh. 

“I'm sorry… Sorry, you had to hear that. Everything goes wrong…” And with that, a sob escapes you. 

‘Nobody can see my face, right? So maybe act even more sad? ‘

This whole day was a curse, why were you even here? Because you felt bad vibes from the dilf next to you? You just wanted to laugh over the whole situation. 

‘You were fucking stupid and now jobless. Great work. Just because you wanted to play the hero, because of a stupid gut feeling. He was a normal dad. Not the Butcher. ‘ 

“Don't think like that. You said it yourself; your dad is stable, so that's a good thing. Maybe I can help you get a new job!” Lady Raven is really trying to cheer you up. 

Someone rubbed your back gently, and there was only one person who could do that. You tried your hardest to ignore his comforting touch. 

“Hay Y/N, I know you just met us, and you don't know me. But I bet a girl like you will easily find a new job. You seem like a good person. If you tell me in which field you work, I'm sure I could help. See if someone I know is hiring. How does that sound?” Cooper really tried to comfort you. He was so sympathetic and strangely charming. 

A small laugh escapes you. "Yes, I probably will..” You wipe away your angry tears’. 

“I mean… I already sent out job applications. I wanted to leave anyway, maybe I will get a job here in Philly or maybe where my mom lives. She lives more in the suburbs, like an hour away I think…” you paused. 

‘Why did you suddenly decide to tell him so much about yourself? Didn't you want to keep a low profile and not give too much real information?‘

This guy certainly knew how to make people talk. About everything, even things they may not want to share and then do without even realizing it. ‘Fuck’

“See! Now you're even smiling again. You just need to see the positive things.” With that, he squeezed your shoulder lightly and withdrew his hand from your back. Making you almost miss the comfort and warmth they had brought you. 

Stop crushing on the hot dad next to you! You tried to remind yourself and also remember all the things you thought were off with him.

“We're here,” the chauffeur announced. Great, finally. This car ride felt like an eternity. 

Cooper and Riley got out of the car first, and they said their goodbyes. Riley, of course, needed one last hug, and Cooper simply thanked her again for what she did for Riley. Before you got out of the car, Lady Raven pulled you in for a hug. 

“Please keep me updated on how things are at the hospital and if you need something. Just text me.” She pulled out her phone and pulled up Instagram. 

“Just search for your username, and I'll add you. That way, we can keep in touch.” 

You nodded and put in your name, and handed the phone back to her. 

“Thank you.. so much. Again. I'm so sorry for any inconvenience I caused. I won't forget this. Thank you! Next time, I’ll be in the front row singing your songs.” 

She laughed at that and nodded. While stepping outside the car, you crossed both fingers that the other two were gone.

Unfortunately, Cooper and his daughter waited for you. You had thought that by staying longer in the car, they would be gone already. No lucky day for you

You scanned the parking lot, and of course, your bike was stolen. The universe was just being cruel now. 

“So let us walk you to your car!” Cooper was way too happy, waving the limousine of Lady Raven goodbye. “Sure..” You started walking towards the cars. 

You were clueless on how to get out of this situation. Abruptly stopping, you looked around. 

“I don't see my car..” you say while looking around again. You sigh extra loudly. 

“Fuck me..”

“Your car got towed?” Cooper 

“Maybe” a dry laugh escapes you. 

“Or maybe with everything going on and all the things that were going on at the concert, I… just forgot where I parked my car.” You ran your fingers through your hair. 

"Well, if you tell me which hospital you need to go to, I'm certain Riley and I can make a little detour on our way home. Right Riley?” Riley nodded. 

“Of course, I’d be happy if we could help you out” she said, hopeful.

Right… the hospital. You should get better at remembering your lies. You were torn between keeping your lie up or simply turning around and walking away. 

You didn’t know what to do. Cooper seemed a bit strange at times, but he could not be the Butcher, right? Still while looking at him you felt like something didn't add up. Sometimes… you didn’t know how to describe it… He felt too perfect, too caring or too sweet. Maybe that was just who he was? You were lost in thought.. The look in his eyes was making you feel a bit uneasy. 

All of a sudden, Cooper's hand was behind your back, and he slowly pushed you forward. “If you can't decide, I will decide for you. Going to the hospital should be the most important thing. So we'll drive you and then you can worry about your car later. Okay?” 

You nodded your head at his idea, simply because you didn't trust your words at the moment. His hand wandered up to your shoulder, where he kept a firm grip and pushed you in the direction of his car. 

Riley was already running in front of you. You winced under his touch, did he know his own strength? You wondered. He certainly didn't look that strong. He opened the car a few meters away so Riley could already put her bags in the trunk. 

A black van

You suddenly remembered what Eric told you about the profiler, she suspected the Butcher to drive a car like this? 

Your body tensed up, and you felt like the pressure on your shoulder increased, which was almost painful. Surely that was going to bruise . Cooper opened the back door for you like you were a child being escorted home. You tried to muster your best friendly face before you sat down inside. 

“Thank you... Have you had this car for a long time?” You asked before you could stop yourself. Cooper raised an eyebrow, clearly pondering the question before answering. 

“Yes, I have had it for quite a few years now. Why are you asking?” Should you just tell him? 

It was just the trip to the hospital.. then you would never have to see them again. You could not fuck up even more than you already had, and until now, it was just an uneasy gut feeling. Also, you were trying to move back to your mom, who was at least an hour away. 

“No real reason.. Just that profiler from the concert. She talked so much, about everything and also about cars... especially mentioning a car like this, which could potentially be the car of a-… killer.” 

He only stared at you. 

‘Did you say something wrong? Maybe you’re the weird one now.’ Nervously rubbing your neck, you tried to lighten the mood with a laugh. 

Thankfully, Riley was just on her way to the passenger seat. She didn't hear her, no need to scare her. You didn’t think she knew about what was going on behind the scenes of the concert. 

“So maybe you should switch it up? But maybe she was just talking nonsense..” you tried to diffuse the situation, massaging your sore shoulder. 

Cooper smiled and laughed softly. "Well, thanks for the tip. I thought about getting a new car. Maybe I should finally get one. More family friendly, any ‘smart’ suggestions perhaps?” - 

“Hmm..maybe just something smaller, maybe in white, silver, or another color? Definitiv not black..” you smile. 

“Great. I will keep that in mind when I buy a new car.” he smiled back at you and closed the door, and got in the driver's seat. He seemed like he wanted to ask more questions, tapping his finger on the steering wheel. 

Quickly, you got your phone out and searched for a hospital near you. You found one which was 15 minutes away. When Cooper started the car you leaned forward, so much that your head nearly reached his shoulder and you could smell his aftershave. ‘He even smelled good.’ You showed him your phone. 

“Here, that's the hospital where I need to go.” He slightly turned around to get a better look at the screen. 

“Can I?” He gestured to the phone. “Just to get a better look.” 

You gulped, a nervous feeling growing in your stomach. “Yeah sure..” 

He didn’t even wait for your reply and grabbed the phone. 

“You got some kind of privacy screen on here?” he asked with a raised brow. 

Oh yeah, how could you forget, and here you thought he wanted to take your phone from you. When he couldn’t even see the screen. 

“Yeah! Sorry, I totally forgot. My boss had cameras everywhere in the building, I got a bit paranoid, so I bought one of those..” you laughed. 

“He doesn’t sound very nice. Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have to work there anymore!” replied Riley. 

“Yeah.. maybe”

“You could just work at my school, our teacher for IT sucks..” 

Cooper glanced at her disapprovingly, slowly shaking his head.  “Riley…”- 

"Sorry, dad, it's the truth. He lives in the past. No one uses Windows XP anymore." Riley grumbled. 

Cooper started the car, and Lady Raven's music was playing loudly over the speakers before he turned the volume down. After a few minutes of driving and Riley vibing to the music, Cooper cleared his throat. 

"Here, you can have your phone back. Oh and I took the liberty of saving my number on your phone. That way, if you ever need anything or some help finding your car later, you can just give me a quick call.” 

What the fuck. He did what now?

He smiled at you through the rearview mirror, his eyes watching you closely. Carefully, you grabbed your phone out of his hands. 

“That's so… thoughtful. Thank you” You tried to put a smile on your face. 

"So, Riley, how did you like the concert?” You tried changing the topic. Oh boy, that worked. Riley started rambling about everything, including how cool it was to be on stage with Lady Raven. Unconsciously, you found yourself smiling a real smile, she was just so cute. Your eyes flickered to the rearview mirror every so often, and as soon as you met Cooper's eyes, you looked back at Riley. Let’s not get lost because of his good looks. You still felt uneasy.  

You tried telling yourself in your head. Somehow, you felt like a prey being watched by his predator. Once in a while you felt like his expression would flicker for a split second, his eyes becoming way darker, but it was gone so soon. You weren’t even sure if you saw it correctly or if it was your imagination. Even though the feeling was only there for a split second, He looked so friendly, encouraging Riley to talk more. 

Finally, you could make out the hospital in the distance. About time, you thought. 

“Hey Y/N?” Riley asked. 

“Yes?”- 

“Maybe when your dad is better again, you can visit us? I feel so bad for you. Today should have been a great day. _You seem really cool… I mean, your dad and family can come too..Right dad?” Cooper smiled and nodded. 

“Great, Like a family dinner, my mom is a great cook.” So he was married. “I just would like to do something nice for you.” Oh god, the world didn’t deserve her kindness. 

“Of course, you don't have to feel compelled to do so. Think about it, you don’t have to decide now..” Cooper interjected. 

“The two of you are too kind. I can't,” more like won't, “give you an answer right now, but I promise to think about it. Okay?” You fake-gushed at the two, your face hurting from keeping the smile on your face. 

Both Cooper and Riley seemed satisfied with the answer. You felt like you were in the wrong movie, was there a hidden camera somewhere? You arrived within the next minute. Cooper parked his car near the emergency exit. One moment away from freedom, away from this lie. 

“I can’t really thank you enough. Thanks for driving me here. I hope you had a great day. Have a safe drive home.” You tried opening the door, but it wouldn’t budge. “Oh, child safety must be on. I’m sorry, I forgot.” apologized to Copper and exited the van to open your door. You didn’t believe him, it just matched too well. 

“I hope you get good news inside. Dad acted really strange today, but I’m happy everything is normal again.” she smiled, before you could answer, and your door opened. 

Daddy is acting strange today. You don’t say…  

“Well, bye, Riley.” You waved at her and got out and barely got your hand out of the doof before Cooper shut it close. 

“I’m so glad we could help you.” he said with that charming voice of his. He started to walk with you towards the building. “With all the extra police force, because of the Butcher, it could have taken you at least an hour to get here.”

“That's true. Well maybe next time he shouldn't let his recipes laying around in his hideouts. What does he even want at a pop concert?” you snorted. 

“Did he now?” Cooper asked intrigued.

“At least that's what I overheard from a few higher up people today.”, no way you were saying that it was Lady Raven who told you.

“Seems like he needs to be cleaner and more careful.”

“If not, they might just catch him next time,” you joked.

“I don't think that will happen, sweetheart.” His mouth twitched in amusement.

That was a weird response. He must have seen the frown on your face, as he quickly started to explain himself.

“I mean if they didn't catch him today, while they knew he was going to be there. I think the chances of the police finding him again are relatively close to zero.” His reply sounded reasonable. 

“Well yes, but he fucked up once. Maybe he is getting sloppy with time. Nobody knows.” 

His jaw clenched. “You think so? Maybe you're misinterpreting the situation. I would imagine someone like him to be very calculated.  Otherwise the police would have found him already, if he was being sloppy.”

“True…” You shrugged your shoulders. Maybe you were wrong, but why did he sound somewhat angry at your statement?

He was honestly acting strange now. 

“Well I think this is where I leave you.” Cooper announced after a few seconds of silence. His behavior over the last meters made you feel unsettled again. He seemed strange. ‘Why was he like that?’ 

“Okay…”, should you with your gut feeling, you wondered? Fuck it, it was just a guess, a wild guess. You always knew your big mouth would get you into trouble someday. Maybe he was just a normal dad and you were overthinking the situation. If that was the case, he wouldn’t think anything of it.

“By the way B-...Cooper” you began, and Cooper turned around in a second, looking at you expectantly, one of his brows raised. His face was unreadable. “You're welcome.. You know that? For getting to drive with Lady Raven"—for  getting out of there without the security controls - was what you wanted to say. Even if he were the Butcher his facial expressions and body language didn't betray him. He smiled and stepped back toward you. Every bone in your body wanted to run. ‘Fuck, did this creep you out.’ You felt like you were pushing your luck today 

“Yes.. of course. I am very grateful for that…” Before he could say anymore, Riley pulled down the window. 

“Dad! Let's go home! Y/N needs to go to the hospital! And I want to tell mom all about the concert!” 

“She's right. I don't want to keep you from your father any longer. I bet your sister is waiting for you. Better go inside.” ‘He knew, he knew you lied when you fucked up with the sister and brother thing.’ Panic started to set in, you swallowed hard, your throat dry.

He came even closer and engulfed you in a tight hug. You stood there, frozen in place. He leaned his head down to your ear, his hands holding you even tighter. One of them slowly wandered to your lower back while he talked.

“Thank you, sweetheart. You sure made it easier. I’m sure Spencer will be soo grateful. I’ll let you know…” a dark chuckle escaped him.

“It's a small world. I'm sure we will see each other again.” His deep voice whispered in your ear, which sent shivers down your spine. You felt trapped. Like a tiny mouse next to him, holding your breath unintentionally. He patted you on the back. Smiling, he stepped away. 

‘Breathe– mask your emotions. Get a grip.’ Many different thoughts running through your head.

Tilting your head to your side you looked at him. Moreover you were confused. Even a tiny bit scared.

‘Please don’t let him notice. Who was Spencer? Did you know Spencer?’

Furrowing your brows you asked “Spencer?” your voice slightly quivering.

He grinned even more— it looked unnerving. It was replaced by a much friendlier smile after another second. “Don’t worry about it.” 

‘Were you imagining things? Now you knew why people said “don't play with fire.” Why had you said anything at all...’

His voice became louder, having that charming undertone again “and make sure to call sweetheart. Riley would be very happy if you came over.” Winking at you he turned around and walked back to his car. 

You felt like your chest was about to explode.

“Yes! Once your dad's out of the hospital and things settle down, Make sure to call my dad. Then we can have a fun dinner.” giggling Riley's voice went even higher. She was practically shifting in her seat, unable to sit still. 

‘Fun dinner? Yeah.. sureeee kid..’

You mustered your best smile and gave her a thumbs up. 

“I will kiddo. See you around.” trying to steady your voice. You needed to get away fast. turned around and walked towards the hospital, near the end you were almost running. 

Once inside, you had the feeling that it was getting harder and harder to breathe. As if you weren't getting enough air. Your breathing became more and more rapid. Your vision was blurred. 

‘Was this hyperventilation? What was going on? Was he really the Butcher? Were you right? Would you die next? Maybe he would keep you alive because you unintentionally helped him?’

Anxiety welled up inside you. You barely noticed the loud voices around you. 

‘Did you hear someone calling for help?’

You had the feeling that the world was spinning around you. ‘Were you still walking?’ It felt like your legs were made out of jelly.

Someone was talking to you, holding you by the shoulders. Shaking you. Waving something in front of your face. However, you couldn’t make out the words. You couldn't recognise the face in front of you. Everything sounded dull, like it was far far away. The world became increasingly blurred before your eyes, spinning more and more– 

until you finally gave in and everything went dark. 

[slashingdisneypasta]

I wanted to send you this yesterday, but I got caught up in stuff as you know 😅😮‍💨😅😮‍💨😅😮‍💨 but now that I have a minute, here is something I hope comforts you ^^

How some of your F/O's help you sleep ^^ (I am not confident in characterizing some of your F/O's, so I can't do them all here 😅)

(iiiiii don't want to be disrespectful so I'm not gonna add how they'd react to your brother waking you up- especially when sick. It's up to you to fill in those blanks if you wish XD)

Greasy Weasel: C'mon, man. We know this weasel. He's gonna take this as an ~opportunity~ to exploit. Get you all nice and relaxed so he can strike 😅 if you're sick, he's a bit more focused on taking care of you.... Though those hands of his still wander 😅😅😅 though you're just as badass as you are sweet; if anybody can get him to act right, it's you Hannah... Though that all depends on whether you'd be willing to fall for his lack of subtlety 😏

Slenderman: Based on your writing for him... He's gonna be a grump about it 😅 like somehow your whirring brain in the middle of the night disturbs an eldritch creature like him (though he won't admit he just wants his favorite human to get her sleep). But hey, if you're up, let's have some tea. You got him hooked on that toast and jam tea, so you better have more XD you can listen to him moan about what his (children) pastas have done now, or how silly your stars look in your room. Or you guys can just enjoy the forest or rain ^^

Jim: Aw, you can't sleep? Here, how about some of the- no? C'mon, Hannah, it's his own brew!... Alright then XD yeah, he'll offer the contents of his flask to help turn your brain off. But hey, you got your cuddly, flannel wearing old man here. If he'll offer you some of his booze, you can steal one of his flannels to relax in XD don't worry, he thinks you look adorable ^^

Big Bad: idk of you consider him an F/O, but I think you could use a big, bad, wolf man who is very warm and plush. He probably had his arm around you already while you guys were trying to sleep. But he can tell something ain't right with his sweetheart. He'll crack some jokes to make you feel better, and pull you in closer if that's what you want (I warn you though, he is furry and had a big body, so it might be hot 😅), maybe even offer to you a midnight snack or something if that'll help.

I really really really wanted to add more like Cruella and Jafar, but I keep dozing off in the middle of writing this 😅 I need to go to sleep myself, but I hope you enjoy these! ^^

Ackkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk 🥺🥺🥺🥺 Please! These are sooo warm and fuzzy, I feel like I just drank a hot chocolate with whipped cream (And some of that special b r e w, probably XD You know I don't drink but I'd take whatever he gave me, honestly- ). This totally made me forget i was heating up water for tea and a hot water bottle! XD

These are all the best characters though!! Oh my goodness. Greasy 💚, Slender 🖤, Jim 💙, Big Bad 🧡-- I cannot express how much I love them <3 God, i wanna have a midnight tea with Slender in the spooky forest mansion so bad!! And I NEED to cuddle with the fat fuzzy wolf, damnit!! XDD 🧡🧡🧡

Thank you so much for these!! Especially with how your week is going so far too- it means so so much to me that you've sent me this even so. And they're so so good!! Really, oh my goodness- they're perfect and I feel so fuzzy now 💛🤍💛🤍💛🤍 XD ^^

[rainahs-real-wife2]

𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝘼 𝙛𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙘 𝙤𝙛 𝙎𝙖𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙏𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙮 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙖!

𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙟𝙤𝙮.

the Circus had just made their way out Aspett, Everyone was in the dining room, Still Dressed in Their pj's. Julia & Kamille were hanging out with Dotty and Bob Till Dotty looked around, A Look of Concern was plastered on her face. “ what is it, Dotty? ” Kamille asked, Noticing the change with her expression “ Oh it's nothin' Sweetie, Just that I haven't seen Dear Tonny since Yesterday morning.. “ She answered, A Tone of worry following her words. “ Oh, How about after Breakfast We go check on Him? ”

Dotty planted a kiss on her husband's cheek. “ You have the most wonderful ideas, Darlin'! Now where was I?.. oh right! how was your date with Rainah, Kamille? and Julia, How's the outfit goin'? ”

time skip ~

Dotty knocked on Tonny's Door, “ Tonny, Sweetheart.. can we come in? ” The four waited patiently, Before a weak reply was heard from the other side. “ Yeah.. come in-.. “ A Cough following behind, Dotty opened the door to see the ringleader, He was a Mess. His hair was Messy, He was sweating a lot, and His trash can was filled with tissues from Sneezing.

“ Oh my! tonny, Are you alright? ” She came running, Hugging the poor man as He looked up before saying anything. “ Of course I'm fine, why wouldn't i- ACHOO! ” All four of them were surprised by the sudden sneeze, As Bob Came over lifting tonny. “ We should get you to the medical tent, Tonny.. ” Quickly tonny protested. “ No- I'm fine, Really! ”

“ No matter what you say, We're still taking you, Wimpy clown! ” Julia commented, Crossing her arms while following behind the group as tonny tried to escape from Bob's arms.

soon after sending Tonny to the medical tent, Dotty and Bob go back to see all the Performers Practicing their acts for the next stop. “ Listen up, Everyone! “ All eyes were turned to Dotty. “ Our Poor ringleader has gotten Sick! and Someone needs to take care of him while we unpack for the night! ” Everyone started stating that they had SOOO much work to do.. “ that's a bummer.. ” Dotty sighed and was About to head back before Sahed walked in. “ Tonny got sick huh?.. It's been long enough. ”

“ Ah! yes, Sahed. are you free? ” Dotty asked, Stepping in front of him. “ Yes... I am? ” Sahed replied as he was turned around by the said woman and pushed towards the medical tent. “ Great! Can u take care of tonny? ”

Sahed wanted to refuse at first but Ended up Agreeing...

That's how they got to..

This.

“ sahed, I said I'm fine.. “ Tonny Weakly said while refusing to eat The soup sahed made. “ As if, Your fever is like 38 Degrees, Do you know bad that is, Tonny? ” He asked, Taking medicine out of the cabinet. “ Yeah yeah.. whatever.. “ Tonny reluctantly finished his soup before leaning back as Sahed bought a warm bowl of water and cloth, not to forget medicine too, While dipping The cloth into the warm water and drenching it. “ You know.. It may not seem like it, but I do get worried about you, You know? ” Tonny was surprise at the sudden statement as He turned to sahed. “ Not really.. I don't know that much. I always thought you hated me. ”

“ Dear, We've dated each other for like 6 years.. ” Sahed commented as he placed the folded Wet cloth onto His head. “ Plus, I think it's best not to try and escape... you fainted the last time you did that. ” Sahed spoke while running his hand through the blonde's short yet fluffy hair. “ I know but I have lots of work to do.. And more people keep joining the circus.. ” He Looked around sahed's room.

“ Will you stop worrying about work for once, Tonny? ” He leaned forward, Planting a gentle kiss onto Tonny's cheek. “ Alright fine.. Only because I'm sick! ” sahed laughed at Tonny's response. " Yeah right.. Not because you want to spend time with your lovely future husband? ” Sahed joked, Making himself look proud to add to it. “ Hah! as if.. ” Tonny Crossed his arms as He looked outside the window. “ You do get a nice view, I'm jealous. ”

“ Well.. you wouldn't be if you came to sleep with me more! But you're focusing on stupid paper work. ” Sahed's comment made tonny sit up straight and turn to him. " Hey! It's not stupid- It's to keep the circus balanced and al- ” Tonny was cut off by closing the gap between them, Giving him a gentle kiss.

once he pulled away, Tonny straight up went beet red. “ What were you thinking-? you might get sick just because.. ” Tonny had stopped mid sentence when he heard a slight chuckle that slowly turned into laughter from the other party. “ I- Sahed! ” He leaned forward, Placing his hands on the bed to balance himself. “ I'm sorry, Love! it's just so funny when I see your reaction to simple things! ” Sahed blurted out between his Laughter.

“ I hate you so much.. ” He turned his back to sahed as Sahed slowly stopped laughing. “ But two days ago , You told me You loved me soooo muchhh... ” He shifted his position from the stool to the bed as Tonny turned his head to him. “ I was drunk! It's dotty's fault okay-! ” He His his flustered face behind his injured hands. “ Careful on your hands, Darling.. ” He held tonny's wrists, bringing his hands down. “ They're fine.. ”

“ They used to be, Until you started your frenzy by writing So much! ” He commented before noticing the moon going up. “ I feel like you should rest.. “ He Held his laughter as He heard a Long Yawn from the ringleader as he plopped down onto the bed, Instantly falling asleep as Sahed picked the cloth up from the bed and Putting it back on his forehead, Before planting another kiss on his cheek as He Positioned the Stool to the wall and put the pillow near the wall as He sat there and fell asleep too.

In the morning rainah walked into their room. “ Ain't surprising.. ” she mumbled, turning back to kamille. “ Cmon on, Let's go. I don't need my jacket. ”

[tomaturtles]

I think that post you reblogged is an ask meme, so im sending you an ask like god intended. whenever i see your URL i will forever think of amy. she is best girl - she is YOUR best girl. im also going to forever associate you with kaworu and evangelion as a whole because of your new profile picture and you spamming some really sick eva fanart. and , of course, i just think of you whenever i see anything ben 10 related. kevin? gwen? ben himself? i think "oh boy toma would love this"

anyway i hope you have a good day :)

OH YOU'RE RIGHT i just saw people doing it in tags and followed suit.... thank you for keeping ask culture alive and also YAAAYY I'M SO GLAD all of those are my beloveds 🥺🥺💖💖 SO TRUE Amy IS my best girl!!!! She's the girl ever i love her

Hhfjabdjahd the surprise eva fixation got me sooo bad and it was apparently huge on Tumblr years ago so i keep going through rabbit holes in old blogs and queuing cool stuff 😭😭 my queue's still at like. 250ish posts (not Only eva posts but. Probably most of them. I Did have a blorbo moment and queued a bunch of Kaworu posts for his bday yesterday).

And IT'S TRUE i always love seeing Ben 10 stuff..... i feel like i post about less frequently than whatever's usually plaguing my brain at the moment on here but it's one of those things that are a Constant in the back of my mind so i'm glad my occasional Ben 10 Moments are enough to stick out!!! :D

TY FOR THE ASK i hope you have a great day too!!!! 💛💖💛💖💛💖

[ivehadthatdream]

I purged today. I didn't binge, but I still felt like I had to purge today. Even though I know it's bad for me, and even though my back and stomach will hurt so bad tomorrow, oh and my joints.

I had a baked potato with cheese and lot of light sour cream no butter, and a grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and light mayo.

I know I didn't get everything up, but I honestly wasn't trying to. I just needed to get most of it. Plus I don't want to over do it for my body.

Yesterday I was thinking about how much I missed purging on the regular, and that I wished it was my only problem compared to how now binging has become my main problem. Now I feel anxious that tomorrow I'll feel absolutely horrible and be extremely bloated and have to be at with work everyone judging me.

Is it narcissistic of me to assume everyone is just sitting there thinking the worst about me? I feel like they're judging me for gaining 60 pounds in 2 years, that they're judging me for the times I've been crazy, or with how often I have to call out for being sick and they probably think I'm making that shit up. Or for how stupid and slow I am. That they think I'm weird and off-putting. Why tf do I even care what they think. I really don't tbfh. I truly don't even care what they think, there's a part of me that does and it's sooo loud. It even makes me feel guilty in a way for NOT caring about what they think.

Somewhere along the way since 2022 I've been off track with my spiritual and healing journey, and I wanna get back on track but I don't feel the spark anymore. I feel like I can't be relit.

Why is my mind so intense like everything just feels so intense like 100% this or 100% that, like I can't just be chill. Because now I'm starting to think what if the only spark I felt was actually spiritual psychosis from bipolar disorder or something.

[scentedluminarysoul]

So I just learned that doing sports is actually super bad for your immune system!?

No wonder I get one-day-colds after exerting myself. Which I did the day before yesterday and then I was sick yesterday. Figures.

Also great that doctors don’t tell you that. They’ll tell you to ‘go easy’ on sports. But maybe they don’t know. Like how most don’t know that lower back pain is actually a common side effect of human evolution.

[lydiaalin]

yoo i just wanted to say yesterday you mentioned can't be mine by bad nerves in your tags and i didn't know the song but i put it in my current playlist - not knowing yet i would listen to it for 9 hours straight qskjfb every time the next song starts im like... no just once more... thank you sooo much it does scratch an itch!

DJDKSLSJJDF RIGHT? when I first discovered it I listened to it on repeat for days and somehow I'm still not sick of it, always go back to listen to it

I'm glad you like it 😎🤙

[beautifulmysteryme]

My sister Tola (who just lost weight) and I were bodyshamed today (I was fat shamed and she was skinny shamed), by the same three people. We'll call them Deji, Deji's wife, and Deji's brother.

And even though, I know that it's unfair to say because body shaming is bad and no one should be judged for, and by how they look or how much they weigh, I still would have chosen the way she was shamed over mine.

Her's went like this,

Are you sick? You look like you're sick? Do you even eat? You should start eating more, just like your sister( points at me. 🥺). Is it because of the school stress? Of course it's because of the school stress, she's a medical student. You are starting to look frail.

While mine went more like this,

Deji's wife: you have gotten so big, you now look like me 😄 ( no, that's not comforting, I don't want to look like you at this stage in my life, you're a 40something years old woman with three children, I think you're excused to be bigger, I'm not😭😭).

Deji: you are the one eating all the food in the house, at least leave some for the rest, especially your sister here. Look at that she(me)'s even eating something now (I literally just had mentos in my mouth, so I don't have smelly breath in front of our vip guests).

Deji's brother: yes o, if she's this fat now, by the time she has children, she'll be sooo big(demonstrates how I won't be able to sit in a chair).you should start reducing how much you eat.

What made this more painful is that I didn't eat after breakfast yesterday(intermittent fasting) and today they came right after I ate breakfast (so imagine how guilty I felt for even eating).

And even though, my sister, bless her soul, actually defended me and told them not to make those kinds of comments to anyone anymore, the damage had been done at that point. The words had been said, the words had been heard, and the words had been taken to heart.

And while I tried to convince my sister and myself that it didn't really affect me. It did.

What if that was my 13th reason why? And while it mayn't be my 13th reason, it is getting so close to it. Another thing, while they were saying these things, I felt apologetic, like, the need to apologize for being fat.

After they left, I unconsciously put some rice in my mouth while serving my mom's food, and I immediately remembered what they said and let's just say, I , for the first time, knowingly said some unkind words to myself.

I'm so sad today, and every waking minute since they left this morning, I've been on the verge of tears and I'm trying to keep it in, but I don't know what I'll do if anyone mentions anything about weight to me today.

[dor-de-vama]

YOU

🙂I felt you since day one,felt a strong feelin I never felt before. I remember that gut feelin like it was yesterday. It was you,always and forever. I felt safe with you. like this harsh world can't hurt me anymore cause I got you . After a while you confused me...was seeing red flags but my friends were like ...you know what?!...do what you feel. And I felt you this whole damn time. Then you kept blaming me,for being cold,for not being good enough and some other things. maybe that was the moment I should've left. And till this moment I would've been healed. I didn't. I tried to change who I am because I had a good feeling about you...and the truth is we weren't ready. Through this whole time you brought the worst in me. I was a sweetheart who believed in good. Now I kinda lost myself...took so much from you it scares me. You were always blaming me,always makin me feel like I wasn't enough...made a fool out of me,played me ...all for what? I'm not saying you're a bad guy. You have some good intentions. a heart of gold. hard emotional baggage and a die hard workaholic...wise and sometimes mature enough (not in a relationship) . I had a lot of mistakes as well. I became super mean towards you because I was trying to protect this little girl that I know is a sensitive crying baby...she is sooo lonely sometimes,so confused ..she just want a shoulder to lay her head down when times get rough. She is strong and she is weak. She loves too hard but cand turn into a stone within a second. She was still young when you met her...not as young as she was when she met me. But she was still young. she was sick of hearing those boys say the pretty lies you also told her but more in poetry . You raised this girl. turned her into a woman and set her free. I think this girl is very special. And I hope that one day she gets the love she deserves. You just weren't getting there. You are different than what she needs from a man. And she is different from what she needs from a woman. you both claim that you need the opposite of one another. She doesn't need a nerd that will be her little puppy. She just needs a man that can assume when he is wrong,where he went wrong and instead of making her feel like shit, try to solve the problem. She needs a man that will feel blessed to hold her and will treasure her. A man that will take care of her and snap her back on the way when she gets crazy. Definitely not one that calls her crazy. not one that is keepin other girls "just in case" and when they have a fight he dumps her for other girls. Not one that can fall asleep knowing they are mad at each other. not one that sees other girls as prizes. And you...well You know what you want...or maybe you don't but clearly not someone like me. 🙃

[myvelouri]

Can I tell you about my day?

Okay, haha sooo

I was sick for like 3 weeks straight right. I went into work today. It was hectic. There was this good looking couple that came in. The dude was super tall like 6'6" and I felt like a midget. He had a very cute wife who was playful with me. It wasn’t flirty. She was just open. The guy had a trump supporter hat on. “Trump for president” and he was bigger than me, he was actually really handsome. The hat was offputting. So I was working the fitting room and he stood there waiting for his wife. Well, this other lady who tried on clothes gave HIM her clothes as if he was working there hahaha. Me and him both started laughing. I was like wow she didn’t even LOOK, LOL, WE LOOK NOTHING ALIKE. And he’s laughing and said it made his night. He patted my back. Lmao. We made small talk and it was a lil awkward. You can tell like, we aren’t the same. He’s super right wing, I’m more left but in the middle, still wouldn’t wear a trump supporter anything of course. Honestly I liked him but he was just. Idk. He had a camo shirt, jeans, very very southern lol. So like. Yeah when he left he waved to me and said bye. I thought that was rather sweet actually.

After work I went to the bar for the first time in forever. Cause I was sick so long. Uh I met the regulars. This one guy said he liked my besrd but hated my hair. The others were like “the thing is you have beautiful hair…. But you wear it like THAT” and all I could say is I like it like this. So yeah. That dude ended up buying us all a drink lmao, Eddie was his name. Older dude. Definitely drunk but yeah he kept repeating himself.

I’m really skimming through, there was a lot of details

Okay anyway, I met Sam, the waitress who now is actually my friend and actually trusts me as a person. Which is sweet.

She asked if I was gonna be at Whataburger. She wanted to hang out with me and just me. Sweet.

So I go to Whataburger. She said she was gonna be off in 30 mins. So like. One of my buddies wanted to ask her out. He got her number. I cheered him on. He wanted me to hype him up. And I tried but she told me she’s not into him. There was another guy she said bye to and said “see that guy is more my type” and I was like SAM?! HIM?! and I was so like, lol. Wtf. Lol she likes nerdy guys, dad bods. That combo. Yikes. But whatever floats your boat. She’s very cute.

So I went to whataburger. This dude calls out to me. Kind of a weird dude. And he’s like “yo I saw you at the bar” and we talked. And he said this to me. I’m so tired of hearing this and I don’t understand where it’s coming from or why I’m exuding this vibe. He said “yeah man I don’t wanna be offensive but I thought you were gay” and I’m like no dude. I’m not. We got into talking. He asked who I was waiting for. He asked like, “if you don’t mind me asking” and I said “Sam” and he was really iffy and said he didn’t want to intrude on anything between me and Sam. I said lmao just go for it dude, me and her are just friends. And I said whatever happens happens, I don’t even know. And he said she gave him her number. He showed me their texts. Lmao he texted her multiple times and she never responded. In my head I was like, bro give up, she’s really not interested. Even I know that. Jesus. Um but, yeah lol. He actually stayed there forever just cause he knew she was gonna come by. It was a bit creepy. He literally stayed with me just to see Sam cause he knew she was coming to see me. As I talked to him. I got a phone call from her. And I couldn’t hear her and I went outside. I told her “SAM WTF, WHY DO YOU HAVE YET ANOTHER GUY INTO YOU, THIS DUDE JOSH, YOU GAVE HIM YOUR NUMBER YESTERDAY?! HAHA HE’S HEAR -WAITING- FOR YOU” and she’s like creeped out by him now. I tell her “do you want me to get rid of him” cause I can. She took too long, so much so that he came out, and I was like SHIT HE SAW US, I WAS GONNA TELL HIM SOMEONE ELSE CALLED ME. OMFG. and at the same time, the guy at Whataburger who always hits on her had just gotten there. I told Sam “HAHA the guy who hits on you all the time is here, he literally just got here as soon as you called me HAHAHA” and she was like “omg noooo! Wtf! Are you serious! I just wanted to hang out with you!” And I said lmao I can get rid of him. But she was on her way. Oof. She actually thought I was elsewhere. She was gonna meet me up somewhere else. But we’re going to a concert in a few weeks. She wants me to take her to the mosh pit. It’ll be insane. One of my favorite metal bands is playing. Lmao my homie who asked her out tonight asked her to a concert. LMFAO. But she’s going with me now. Omfg. I feel bad but she’s not into them. Omfg she said I’d look terrible with glasses, I said “BISH I LOOK CUTE AS FUCK WITH GLASSES” I love fucking with her. She’s such a dick.

I’m not looking for anything. I never get anything. I’m always a safety blanket for women, women I like, and they keep me by while I watch them get with other guys. Actually, that’s how it used to be for me, but, I guess it’s happening again, and I’ll take it cause you know why? Cause girls have been totally rejecting my friendship. So the fact that Sam is actually a friend, I’ll take it!

Also the guy, Josh, who waited with me, I dropped him off to his car. He was too drunk to drive earlier but he said he thought I looked like Russell Brand. Wooow haven't heard that in a while.

And there was another drunk guy who stopped me and was like "HEY YOU'RE THAT COMEDIAN, HES ENGLISH, UH UH" and I said "yeah? I'm Russell Brand?" And he flipped out and said yes. His girl was like "no don't listen to him!" And she cowered away embarrassed as fuck.

Yeah I'm annoyed. I love Russell Brand, but I don't look like him. I have crazyish hair and a beard but come on. And I'm also not fucking gay. I've never dealt with this before. But yeah

A lot of ppl shitting on my hair. It's longer than usual but. Meh.

[midiaryofus]

Part 5

"The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now." - TS

Over the last few days, I was getting closer to Dame.

And the more I did, the worse I felt.

I mean, he's great and all.. But he isn't Ethan. I thought Ethan was the one. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was completely devastated when I lost him, I never thought I'd love again.

Dame: Hey, are you okay?

Reed: Yeah.. fine.

I felt knots in my stomach, the sick twisting feeling I always got before I stalked him. But I had to. I couldn't control myself. I needed to know everything he was doing with her.

He had to feel what I felt to. He can't just feel nothing. What we had.. was everything.

Dame: Reed?

All the air was sucked out of me. My heart was racing rapidly and my palms were sweating.

Reed: I.. I...

Dame: What's wrong?

Reed: I saw this picture.. of my ex at prom with his girlfriend.

Dame: Your ex?

Reed: Yeah its just.. You wouldn't understand.

2 years ago..

He really wanted to go to prom. He sadly told me how upset he was about missing that experience. But he just couldn't because his anxiety was so bad.

So I came up with an idea..

Reed: Do you like it?

Ethan: Reed, this is amazing.

Reed: Can I have this dance?

Ethan: You may.

It felt perfect. Just the two of us. We didn't need to be at some prom full of people we don't like grinding all over each other..

All we needed was each other. Us against the world.

Ethan: Soo.. are we going to have some after prom fun after this?

Reed: Oh you know it.

(In reality, it was on imvu, and he cancelled on me sooo many times. And then he said for sure he'd have time.. I waited for him for an hour.. I was staring at my character dancing alone for an hour..)

Now I was staring at a picture of him and his girlfriend at prom, with a lump in my throat and a knife in my back.

It made me want to tear her hair out. She had no idea how much this was hurting me.

She took the love of my life away from me.

She's all "the life of the party." While I was compassionate and loving. Just seeing the type of girl he left me for.. made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

But that's the kind of girl he wants. I can't be that. His depression had taken me down with him. He changed me into someone else, then left me shattered, left me to pick up the pieces.

Reed: It just hurts.

Dame: Reed, will you go to prom with me?

I was completely speechless.

Dame: I borrowed my dads car to drive you there.

Reed: Your.. dads car?

Dame: Yeah, I'm sixteen.

Reed: Wait, you're sixteen??

Dame: Yeah, aren't you?

I got what he was trying to do.

And it was incredibly sweet.

No one has ever done anything sweet like that for me.

Usually I was the one who did the sweet things.. And I would be disappointed when my ex's did nothing in return.

I was feeling bad about my ex being at prom. So he was asking me to prom to make me feel better.

Reed: You're silly.

Dame: Dance with me?

Reed: I'd love to.

And we did. Right in the middle of the cafe with a bunch of strangers watching us.

The next day..

I couldn't get yesterday out of my head. It was so sweet.

But I couldn't get attached. I wasn't ready to fall in love, and get hurt again. I still hadn't recovered from the last one.

And that's when I saw him.

Ethan: Reed?

Reed: Oh uh, hey.

Ethan: Its been awhile. How are you?

Reed: Oh I'm good. Great actually. I'm just soo over it. I even forgot you exist.

Ethan: That's great

Reed: I've been dating soo many guys. They won't stop hitting on me. Its crazy! I'm like, Nooo I already have five boyfriends and a girlfriend.

Ethan: Well I'm glad to hear that. You haven't updated your social media much so I was wondering how you were doing.

Reed: Oh I'm just soo busy to be on social media. Wait.. Did you admit to stalking me? I can't believe you still look me up.

Ethan: Not really, I just happened to come across it a few times.

Reed: Oh, well I like never come across yours at allll. And if I do, I don't even know because I forgot you exist like I just said.

Ethan: Haha well I'm happy for you.

Seriously?! Happy for me?! We were together for three years, how can he not care if I'm dating 5 guys?

Maybe because he thinks its just random guys.

What if it was just one, serious guy?

Reed: You know, I've been getting pretty serious with this one guy.

Ethan: I hope your five boyfriends know about it.

Reed: Oh yeah they're starting to get jealous.

Ethan: I'm glad you're doing so well.

Reed: Well I better get going cause I'm just sooo busy.

Ethan: Me too, it was nice talking to you.

Did I just make a total fool of myself?

Now I know he stalks me. I gotta update my social media.

I could use this to my advantage

(Annnd I think that's when I started getting crazy with inapprop pfps. I'm pretty sure what happened was, we talked and he told me he still looked up my kik.. but in this story, I change it to posting pics with guys, as you'll soon find out...)

Dame: Hey.

Reed: Why are you here?

Dame: To see you silly.

Reed: Okay look, we need to talk.

After that awkward encounter with my ex, I started to feel bad for Dame. He really seemed into me. I didn't want to just use him and throw him out. I had to be honest with him.

Reed: Listen, I've had fun hanging out with you..

Dame: You don't want to see me anymore?

Reed: I'm just not ready for a relationship. I still have feelings for my ex. We broke up a year ago but..

(in this story, I changed it to a year. It was actually 5 ish months)

Reed: What he did really hurt me.

Dame: What did he do?

Reed: I don't want to get into it, but he cheated on me a lot.. And then left me for another girl.

Dame: I hate the guy already.

Reed: It's just not fair for me to try to have a relationship with you when I'm not over him. There's some issues I need to work on and things I have to do.. I can't be in a relationship right now.

Dame: I still want to be with you. I feel like we have something, and I know you feel it too. So I won't give up.

Reed: Dame..

Dame: I like you Reed. I know you like me too.

It felt both wrong and right at the same time.

Reed: Hey guys! Lets take selfies! Lets take pics making out!

(earlier I said I changed the dirty pfp things to pics with guys...)

I checked out the pictures on my phone.. and damn, they were hot.

Hot pics of me making out with a cute guy in a club. This for sure had to make Ethan jealous.

But how would Dame feel if he saw this? I'll think about if I want to post these or not later.

Today was the day.

Tonight, I was going to my ex's party and I was going to make him jealous.

I texted Dame: Wanna come to a party tonight?

Dame: Sure :)

I felt bad using him like this, but he was my only option.

After tonight, I'd tell him again, more firmly, that I wasn't ready for a relationship.

But tonight, I needed him.

This guy seemed like the perfect boyfriend, everything I've ever dreamed of in a guy.

Except, it was the wrong time.

I could tell he was into me by the way he looked at me, but I just didn't feel the same way.

And it made me feel that much more guilty.

[illumiiiz]

Hello, Eve-chan!! (Now that I'm reading that out loud, it feels like I'm saying "Iwa-chan" ebjrjsjeja) How are you? How did you sleep? How's school going?? I hope everything's alright!! I'm sorry I havent messaged you! I couldnt pick up the phone yesterday(Q^Q)

I woke up at 12 pm yesterday, I guess I got two nights sleep in one(─‿‿─) I felt well rested, though my neck hurt a bit but it's fine now!!!

(Fun fact from mod, everything i write here actually happened, though in a different setting;D)

It snowed a lot yesterdayy so after practice our team had a snowball fight!!! I was on Suga-san's team:)) I wont get sick this time I promise hehe("TヮT) Practice was as usual, though I felt like something was off the whole day. I'm not sure what? It felt like something was out of place, it's so weird (＠_＠)

Has it snowed for you?? I'm still not sure where you're from so I have no idea.... It was really hard to get out of the house today because of the snow, but me and mom cleared our yard and it's alright now!!

We went to a small diner today after the snowball fight!! Not everyone though, some people had things to do or didnt want to go, but it was still nice:)) the hot tea really helped me warm up a little^-^ Do you like green tea?? Or do you prefer coffee maybe? I dont like coffee because it makes my heartbeat go wild, and it's so uncomfortable!! And scary(。＞＜)

Nothing really happened today, though, practice got called off so I stayed at home~~

I really hope you had a good day and rest well!! I love you!!(^з^) ♡

~Shoyo!!

fun fact, everything I told you now and before has actually happened, but in a different setting!!(i dont play volleyball but I do meet up with the art club gang, and the kid I introduced as Natsu-chan is my niece irl:D)

SHOYO-SAANNN OMG I’VE MISSED YOU!!! (I think San is the right one to use..? I’m not really sure (・・;)ゞ correct me if I'm wrong) HOW ARE YOU?? ARE YOU STAYING HEALTHY AND EATING AND DRINKING AND SLEEPING ENOUGH?? 🥺🥺💖💕💗💞 aaahh I could tackle you in a hug rn!! And I'm so sorry for answering this a few days late!! > <  also omg you’re right XD hey I'll take it

I’ve been okay!! I’ve been sleeping less than I probably should be actually.. which would explain why I've been getting so tired -_-  (Also I know I should be asleep right now... but I promise I will, right after I answer you ; ; I felt bad about not doing it yet)  I just have a lot of stuff to do hdgdj... But school hasn’t been bad, thankfully!! I’m almost to Christmas break too!! :D Do you get a break for the holiday season? Ooh I haven’t slept until noon before, but that sounds amazing 😌☺  The latest I've ever woken up is about 9:30am haha.

(MOD THATS SO COOL YOU DID ALL THIS STUFF!!? Or kind of, at least?? :o) AAH that’s so cool that you guys had a snowball fight!!! Did anyone win? Who else was on your team? And good, I'm glad you didn’t get sick! (^з^)  Ohh yeah I have those days sometimes too, where everything happens like it always does, but something still doesn’t feel right? It’s so weird. I wonder why that happens..

I had just a little bit of snow where I live a couple weeks ago, but it’s all melted now T-T I miss it. But it might snow again this weekend!! So maybe I'll be able to get a couple pictures for you to see if you want!! :D And I live in the northern part of my country, so normally we have a lot of snow by this time of year ‘cause it still gets really cold and stuff, but for some reason it’s been kinda warmish this past week? So we just get sleet and then it melts :( I hope that changes soon, I love snow so much

Ooh I'm glad you guys got your yard cleared!! One time there was a huge ice storm where I live and all the trees had ice coating the branches and EVERYTHING was sooo icy and it was really gorgeous, but it broke a lot of branches off the trees because the ice made them too heavy and it was windy so the just broke off :((  That was a few years ago tho so they’re all grown back now! ^^  But we lost power from that storm too skfhks- I hope if you get a snowstorm your power stays on!! Otherwise it gets really cold 😅 (but then you can snuggle up in a blanket burrito and it’s very comfy (˶ᵕᴗᵕ˶) esp if you have someone you can snuggle with hehe)

Ooh that sounds really nice!! I like tea better too, although I've only had coffee once. Maybe if it had cream in it I would like it better though? But right now I like tea the best! I’ve never had green tea though, I always drink black tea, sometimes with a little honey in it ^^ It’s very nice on a cold day or if you have a sore throat, it’s really soothing

I hope you had a good day at home!! <3  Sometimes staying home is more fun than going out even, although then you don’t get to see your friends if you’re at home :/  But I’m glad you got a day to rest a bit!! ^^ ♡  And thank you too, my day was pretty good! My sister and I went to the store and got groceries for my dad, and we also did some Christmas shopping while we were there ^v^ Nothing too exciting happened though. Tomorrow I have a piano lesson though, and then I get to see some of my friends at a dinner my family is going to afterwards! So I'm excited for that!!

I hope you have a good day too!! 💕💕 Love youuu!! (kith)

- Eve

aah that’s cool!! YOU’RE IN ART CLUB AAA THATS AWESOME, I've always wanted to be in one but I never could, and now I'm almost done with school so I probably never will 😔 And your niece sounds like such a cutie omg 🥺🥺 Give her a hug from me if you can ♡