#yesterday someone else was in here and she had her music on and so today my manager made some comment

[j-esbian]

mannnnn the problem with not bringing up an issue because you don’t want to inconvenience other people. is that when you can’t deal with it anymore and you finally tell someone, they don’t believe you

[dsudis]

Dreamling Bingo Fill: What Remains

Square/Prompt: D2, "Scars"

Title: What Remains

Rating: T

Ship(s): Dreamling

Additional Tags: Scars, Hand Injuries, Graphic Description of Wounds, Retired Dream, The Kindly Ones

Summary: Dream is content with his scars.

Dream woke to a springtime smell, bright and sharp in his nose, and opened his eyes to see that the marigolds in their windowsill pots had bloomed, orange and yellow and cheerful. The morning sun was shining on them, and Hob was already out of bed; the sounds of him puttering around the flat were faintly audible over the music that was always playing if Hob had no one to talk to.

He didn't recognize the music, though he knew that if he listened long enough, the name would come to him. It was something up-tempo and cheerful; Hob knew, too, that spring was here. Spring, and Sunday, which meant a changing of bandages.

Dream lay on his back and raised his right hand into the light, studying it in the glow of the sun. The scars that made up nearly the whole inner surface of his index finger and thumb had faded from red to a vibrant pink which he found he rather liked. Yesterday he and Hob had wandered about some botanical garden or other, looking for a flower to match the color, debating happily over fuchsias versus azaleas until they found that stand of calla lilies that were absolutely inarguably perfect.

The scar also trailed downward from his hand nearly to his elbow, with a few jagged branches curling around his forearm. These, too, had healed to sturdy scars; it was only the palm of his hand where a waterproof tan bandage still obscured the wound.

It might not be a wound any longer. Today was Sunday; today he would find out.

He lowered his right hand a bit, and raised his left to meet it, trying, as he often did, to recreate what he remembered of his last moments as—whatever he had been, before he became a human being whose identification bore the name Morris LeReve, which Hob found delightful and Dream found as good as any other name. He had no right to the one he could no longer even speak—not Dream, though Dream was the nearest approximation in English, the one Hob had latched onto after hearing his sister say it.

His sister had been beside him, before it happened. They had sat side by side in some desolate place, and she had been sad, and angry, and resigned.

He had only been tired, so tired that he could feel nothing else through it, smothering under the weight of what he had been, back then. He had not been able to feel sadness, or fear, or anything, but he had known that he was about to die. He had known how it would happen: he would take his sister's hand.

He had not known that when he took her hand, there would be a great flash of light, like lightning striking from the tip of her finger to his palm. He had not known that dying would make a hole in him, letting loose all of him that was too much, too heavy to bear, too vast to be held in a form that looked like his.

It had torn free of him in that instant, in that great flash of light, and gone away to someone else who could, thus far, bear it better. And he had been left with this form, and this ragged hole in himself, and—

He smiled, dropping his two hands to rest on his chest, and remembered how it had been, the beginning of his life as he knew it.

There was the flash of light, and the impossibly vast something rushing away from him, or he from it—for he was no longer in that desolate place when he could see again. He had blinked the afterimages from his eyes, had still heard the echoes of the explosion in his ears. He had been leaning against something, just barely sheltered from the torrential downpour that had arrived along with him.

He had looked down and seen his hand, his arm—raw from fingertip to elbow, torn open to reveal wet red insides. He had seen the blood vessels of his wrist pulsing nakedly among the shreds of muscle, miraculously unbroken but horrifically vulnerable. He had not known where or what he was, but he had known that he was hurt, even if he could not exactly feel any pain; he had begun to keen, a high helpless wordless sound, for he had not known what words he could possibly use in that moment.

Then the door had opened, and he had barely begun to fall through it before someone was kneeling beside him. All at once strong arms were cradling him, and he had looked up into a face he knew just as Hob said, "My friend, my friend, what has become of you?"

"My friend," he echoed back, his head lolling against Hob's shoulder as he realized he knew what these words meant, and how they applied to this man. Hob had been worried for him, the last time they met. "My friend, my friend—" and then the words came to him and he answered Hob's question. "Death became of me. I became this. Here."

"Not a bit dead," Hob had said. "Too warm and chatty to be dead," and then he hoisted Dream up and carried him inside.

He had bandaged Dream's arm, asking again and again if it hurt, but it didn't; eventually he had conceded that there didn't seem to be enough left of the ruined places to have nerves to hurt with, and he attended to other concerns instead.

It was only days later that Hob had suggested seeing a doctor about it, but Dream had refused. That had been after Dream had remembered where the townhouse was, and realized that the key in the pocket of his jeans opened its door, and discovered the cards and papers neatly arranged on the table which made him not only the discarded shell of an unfathomable being, but also a human being and citizen of the United Kingdom named Morris LeReve.

Hob called him Morrie sometimes; Dream faithfully pretended to be mildly annoyed by it, so that Hob would continue to find it funny and thus continue to call him by it, just now and again. Hob would stop, if he were actually upset by it, and if he knew that Dream actually liked it, he would scrupulously call Dream by that name and no other, but Dream liked the ordinary name his sister and Hob called him by well enough. He liked Morrie being a thing Hob said just sometimes, half jokingly.

Hob always listened when Dream was definite about something, as he had been about the fact that his hand and arm would heal in their own time. Hob had done all he could to help without forcing Dream to change his mind: he had bought a variety of salves for the wounds, and yards of gauze and tape to shroud them in, and he carefully examined and cleaned and re-anointed the whole length of the broken places. First each day, then every other day, and then every three, every five, as the bandages grew smaller and more and more scar tissue could be exposed to air and light. Every day, whether bandages were to be changed or not, Hob rubbed in a cream to soften the scars, and helped him to flex his fingers and hand and wrist, to keep them mobile.

Now the marigolds Hob had planted to make his own salve from were blooming, and they might never be needed for anything other than their bright lovely colors.

There was only one way to find out. Dream got out of bed and then spent a few moments carefully tidying the coverlet and putting the pillows neatly in place.

It was one of the things he had never needed to do in his old life, one of the thousand things Hob had taught him to do with his own hands now that he was human. He could use his right hand nearly as well as the left now, even if his index finger and thumb could not bend on their own or grip; it was mainly a matter of smoothing things into place, and that his right hand could do well enough.

When he was finished he stood for a moment, admiring his work, and then he pulled on a t-shirt and went looking for Hob.

Dream found him promptly; Hob was in the kitchen, studying something on his phone. All the things for bandage changing were set out on the table, along with a steaming mug of tea and a jar of honey.

Hob looked up with a smile as soon as Dream walked in. "What would you like to do for breakfast today? Full—" Dream kissed him before he could offer a Full English, something Dream had declined every morning of his existence thus far. Hob thought he was wearing Dream down; Dream was sure he could train Hob out of it sooner or later.

"Poached eggs," Dream announced, sitting down beside his mug of tea and opening the jar of honey, noticing as he did that it was easy now, just like making up the bed. He spooned the honey out left-handed, until the rich sweet scent of it drowned out the tannic smell of the tea, and added, "I'm going to get them right this time. I watched more videos."

"Ought to move somewhere with beehives," Hob murmured. "Or stop bothering with the tea bags."

"Every man has a right to make his tea the way he likes," Dream informed him primly; it had been Hob himself who told him so.

He smiled when Dream defended himself, and didn't make any more objections, nor offer to put the lid back on the jar for him. Dream could do it just fine, and did, once he had had a sip of his wonderfully sweet tea.

Then he offered his scarred hand to Hob, his palm turned up to display the bandage.

"Right, let's do this," Hob said, and ceremoniously applied sanitizer to his hands while Dream peeled the bandage back.

It didn't hurt to pull it off; it didn't feel like anything, except maybe a faint tugging sensation. Everything the bandage stuck to was scarred.

He gasped a little at the sight of what the bandage had covered, but Hob made a calmly approving noise. "We did think it might be this week," he said, and ran gentle fingers down along the angry red spots that had been the last raw places when he put the bandage on—and now were scars, closed up and shiny-smooth. "Look at you go, you living creature. Look at you heal."

Dream smiled, feeling oddly shy at the warm, proud look in Hob's eyes. He hadn't really done anything, except to go on living all these weeks, and eating and sleeping and letting Hob look after his injuries—and learning things, and dancing, and laughing, and discovering all the ways his human body liked to be kissed and touched, and comparing them with all the ways Hob's body liked to be kissed and touched...

He had done a lot of things, actually. He had lived; he had healed. And now the last of the wound left behind by what he had been before was closed, and all that was left was one great scar.

And him, a person who liked his tea very sweet and was going to successfully poach some eggs today while Hob made toast. Here he was: living on, scars and all.

----

[This fic is also on AO3!]

[kiryoutann]

Before reading, please check series masterlist to read the warning(s), disclaimer, and to make sure you’re on the right chapter. Minors do NOT interact.

“A MAN'S HEART IS TRULY a wretched, wretched thing!”

Your mother repeated the phrase time and again, the redness in her eyes a reminder of the tears she had cried. Her face was full of wrinkles, as if she had just consumed a basket of sour oranges. Perhaps that is how the words felt on her lips, because despite being aimed at someone else—the ex-love of her life—they were also born out of her own painful experience.

“Listen to me carefully. They don't know what it means to love. Their hearts are barren, unable to take root and abide. Nothing can make them stay, my dear. Not for love, not for sex, for all your years of devotion to them, not even for their own flesh and blood!”

The woman's words may sound deranged, but her message is clear. Barren, has no ability to stay. Is this the reason why it was so easy for Daddy to walk away? Even when he walks by pictures on the wall, images of happier times—his wedding photo, your birth photo, your first day of school photo, the photo of you laughing over his shoulder—perhaps he doesn't even glance at them.

Society doesn't help either, because how is it all fair when the man can start somewhere new, as if he never had a daughter, and leave a woman behind whose love he could no longer return? He moves on to a new city, unburdened by the weight of his past mistakes. Meanwhile, the mother who stayed is scorned by the supposedly good neighbors for being a single mother.

“Why did you let man walk away?”

As if there was something to make him stay.

(Nothing can make a man stay.)

And so, precisely two weeks following your last encounter with Simon, you tried to stomach the absence of his face from the pub. Even if it's bitter and slightly sour—burning, the poison you chose.

Entering the subway car two seconds before the doors automatically closed, you hurriedly took a seat. Your phone screen shows nine o'clock – enough time to arrive on time. Raising your head to look straight, you just realized the presence of the lovebirds hanging their hands on the subway handle. Shy laughter with hints of sultry beneath could be heard amidst their whispered conversation.

Your eyes stay focused on the man's hand as it rests on the woman's waist before making a subtle path to continue moving downward. She pressed her head against his shoulder like a lover's nest; the noise her laughter once obscured now turned into soft moans as he proceeded lower and lower. His fingers were covered in plaster, covered in wounds and calluses.

Like a certain someone. However, deep down, even this man wasn't the first person to remind you of him today, or even just yesterday or the day before yesterday.

His fingers closed in a disguised squeeze. He slid it between her lush thighs, and yet it was you who pressed yours against each other as he rubbed three fingers against her stocking-clad flesh. She tried to stifle a moan—but, you heard it, saw how she gripped his shoulder tightly.

The sight was crude and improprietous, particularly in the company of the general public despite most of the passengers either snoozed quietly or were lost in their wired earbuds' music. Couldn't they have waited to at least get out of here and find a dark alley to do it?

Despite that, you couldn't take your eyes off the two. Like a pervert, or indeed you have become one. As she traces his ass and mirrors his action, you hold your breath; heart pounding.

Those work-worn fingers hike her skirt ever higher. What are they after? You still wonder. Is it the thrill of exhibitionism, or perhaps it is the urge to convey to the world and to the unfortunate souls witnessing their display of affection that their longing for one another is so powerful—so intense—that they simply cannot wait another minute to touch each other passionately?

The woman lets out a gasp that gives you an unwelcome shock as they proceed. Some other passengers cast curious glances in their direction, but the majority appear accustomed to the nearly indecent conduct.

Glancing around, you caught the eye of a man seated nearby in the chair across from you. Your cheeks heated, and you dropped your gaze. He must have seen it—your long, focused glare at the couple. Probably appeared as a truly envious woman or a hypocrite who judges others for their actions, while in reality, you would die for the same intimacy.

The world is old, and yet here you are, a young woman who has just lost her virginity, with no one to crave you the way the couple did. You don't know much, and you think that's what being in your twenties means—too naive to be an adult, too knowledgeable to be a child again. Everything is filled with dreams, until they transform into haunting ghosts. And when someone asks you about love, all you can say is that it is foreign – a privilege you were never granted.

When the stop is announced, you stand up in a hurry as the brakes squeal and doors slide open. Stepping onto the platform, you looked back at the couple through the dirty windows. You shook your head, focusing on each step up the stairs and making your way down the familiar streets to the opera house.

In the warm-up room, chatter and laughter filled the air as the ballerinas stretched and prepared. You took a place in the empty part of the barre. Stretching your muscles, you let the routine seep into your nerves.

The first piano key pressed represents an endless loop—the familiar strains of music for the White Swan pas de deux fill the studio as you and Jacob take their places as Odette and Siegfried. For more than two hours, the director bombarded the two of you with endless criticism, telling Jacob to be more "reluctant" to let you go, while it was the same old notes for you.

“Your Odette still looks bland! I want to see the doubt, the secret hope despite it all. Surprise us!”

Jacob spun you easily between his arms. You furrowed your brows stiffly in your attempt to instill an expression, but the director's shake of the head said it wasn't enough. He holds up a fist to stop the music.

The director stops in front of you and Jacob, the choreographer beside him. Hands on hips, he peers critically at your dancing partner.

“Hold her like this – like she is the most precious thing. He must be reluctant – he's found a girl he wants to marry. Savor the moment!” He put a strong hand on your waist to demonstrate to Jacob. “Feels how he clings to her, not wanting to let go just yet.”

Jacob let out a sigh. “Got it.”

As the director turns to face you, you suck in a sharp breath to brace yourself. He has lots of corrections for you—endless notes of your shortcomings, expectations not met. A tangled web of emotions knots in your stomach. You hope he can quickly spit it out, to be done and get this over with.

But to your surprise, he said nothing, only shaking his head with a frown. “Again from the top, Robert,” he calls to the pianist.

The room was filled again with the opening music of the pas de deux, pulling your head forcefully into focus and into Jacob's arms. However, as the dynamics swell, your heart beats faster. He definitely regrets it—his decision to choose you. You're sure after this, the balletmaster and the choreographers will pressure him to replace you if he hasn't already, saying they should've stuck with Mary or Claudine if they insist on a change. That will leave you as, once again, another dancer in the background.

Something burns inside your chest, yet the smoke can't seem to escape. Everything was securely shut, so nothing could enter, nor could the poison come out. You breathe in little by little, gasping for air as tears well up in your eyes.

He will replace you. He will replace you.

By the time the rehearsal is finished, you proceed to your private coaching. Standing in front of the mirrored wall, you watched carefully as the coach moved her elegant arms in a slow curve in the air.

“Like that. Just let your movement flow from the core of your body outward," she instructed gently.

You imitated her fluid movements, trying to imagine the graceful lines of wings and feathers. Your brows furrowed in concentration.

The coach shook her head. “No, you have to relax, my darling. Release that tension – swans move easily and freely. Don't set points on your movement, let it move past you.”

Trying again, you took a breath and softened your movements. More naturally, your arms rise and arch. Like a swan, like a swan. You lift higher, curving more and trailing an imperceptible wind.

“Yes! Just like that!” The coach walks around you. “Though, I'm sure you can do better. Go out and observe some swans, watch how they move.”

“And observe lovers as well while you’re at it.”

From the new voice joining in, you turned and saw the director. Crossing his arms, he took a step towards you. Your coach let out a small laugh as she scribbled something in her small notebook.

“Now Henri, don’t be a jerk. Leave the poor girl alone.” She chides.

The director stops in front of you, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder. He stared at you, eyes scanning what felt like every flaw that his experienced observation could find. You held your breath waiting.

"You're gifted; never make mistakes. Ballet, however, is much more than just dancing.” He pauses, and you almost think he's contemplating whether to keep it gentle or come out with the harsh truth. “Your performance lacks heart and it frustrates me because I see talent, but there's no soul. Tell me – have you ever been in love?”

You hesitate, then say softly, “Once in high school.”

Henri scoffs loudly. “That is not love, that’s puppy love. I mean the real thing – the kind of love that makes you feel like a complete idiot, that twists your insides and leaves your heart in tatters!”

The kind you were warned about long ago.

But why was Henri, unlike her, talking with such enthusiasm about that? With determination, as if he hadn't just said clearly that it was torture—a slow poisoning, a self-inflicted wound that never fully heals. What kind of person, in their right mind, advocates for another to dive into such peril?

Or perhaps that's the key. Perhaps, as artists, their blood was shed to be inscribed into art. Old ways made immortal. After all, what's life without tragedy? Without the perfection of the tragedy?

A chuckle from your coach snapped you back to reality. “Well, he's right. Better to have loved and lost than to never love at all, right?” she turned to you with a gentle smile, closing her notebook with a soft snap before putting it in her bag. “Now go home and rest that busy mind. We'll continue again tomorrow.”

With a final squeeze, your coach walked away after Henri; the two engaged in a new, vague conversation that carried outside the room. Their voices fade, leaving you alone. Dust grains danced under the lighting. You stared straight at your reflection.

As you gather your belongings, your feet drag reluctantly. You walked over and turned off the lights, then made your way to the door. For the last time tonight, you look again in the mirror—a silhouette created from the darkness of the room meeting the light of the quiet hallway. You pulled the door knob and locked the heavy doors before returning to the old streets of London.

“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to love at all.”

Mother would disagree.

That woman walks across the earth stumbling, her feet heavy from the ball and chain that shackle her feet—the restraining device is all her anger, and all her anger was once love. If someone said that to her face, you could imagine her lips pulling into a frown before they parted and spat out curses. “Foolish little girl,” she would say. You never truly love until you pray on your knees to stop loving.

Mother would disagree, that's for sure. But you?

Henri was right about your high school crush being puppy love. Upon further reflection, it might have been admiration or even a lie. Teenage girls are always desperate to look like they know a thing or two about love, to enter a room holding hands with someone, and to be the talk of the week. It doesn't make you stupid, but it certainly helps you fit in. It was probably why your mother never reacted much when she was found out—because she knows it will pass quite quickly.

You're not your mother, are you? Nor her warnings. Not that a man's heart is truly a wretched, wretched thing! bullshit that she always repeats. Not that fragile woman whose view of the world changed after her own romance turned sour. Surely, it wasn't all that horrible? After all, people fall so deeply in love that they decide to marry, to be in a lifetime commitment. People fall so deeply in love that they make little humans as a testimony of their union.

(A girl never learns.)

And you are nothing if not obsessive, full of determination. You want everything – perfection—the first step is to bring Odette to life. If it's true what Henri said, then you will do it. Fall in love.

(A girl never learns.)

Yet, here you are. A month has passed since you made up your mind on your little quest. Despite the vastness of London, people are too focused on their own issues, and chatting with strangers brings more harm than unexpected (or, in your case, expected) romance. By day, the city bustles, but at night, it's the drunken men who crowd the sidewalks with their unnapealing false flattery and alcohol-infused breath.

Tonight, as you exit the grand doors of the opera building, you are greeted by a drizzle. Mist rises from the rain-soaked pavement, droplets bounce off cobblestones and roofs. The chill air bites past your thin coat, making you sneeze.

“Damn this weather.” You grumbled.

A dull ache has made a home behind your eyes. Changing seasons and busy schedules are really a good combo for lowering the body's immunity. You sighed trying to ignore the fever burning your skin.

Too lost in dreamy thoughts, you stride across the street without looking. Blinding headlights beam at you with a blaring horn—and you freeze. Heart in your throat, you close your eyes bracing for the impact.

Someone pulled you back just in time. The car slowed down for the driver to roll down the window and yell a string of curses before speeding off again. Your pulse starts to slow, head spinning trying to process what just happened.

“Christ, pay attention will ya?”

At the deep voice, your brain nearly shorts out. You whirl around so fast that your vision swims, and you find yourself looking up into a pair of brown eyes that you would recognize anywhere. Tall, broad shoulders, blonde eyelashes, and that leather jacket he always wears.

“Simon?”

After almost two months of his absence, this ghost of a man stands in front of you. Simon. Your heartbeat picks up again, this time with questions swirling around your hazy mind.

It is our custom to always look for something. To dig meaning in the meaningless. To hope for worth in the worthless. To search for deeper design. To take the warning as a good omen. To mistook tragedies as blessings in disguise.

(Being human, is it beautiful or tragic?)

@strawberrygato

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[elliespassagerprincess]

The air is getting crisp fall is coming so a bôa song is definitely needed can you do twilight by them

Twilight - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! Your wish is my command! Ugh I wish it was fall where I live, it's literally so fucking hot lmao... I hope you enjoy it <3

this story is based off the song Twilight by Bôa, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE Warnings: descriptions of violence, murder, death, gore, sadness, small mention of depression and graves (don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which you couldn't win Ellie's heart

Authors note: ladies and ladies, the violence is back! Idk man it's been a while since I've written something like this. Remember you are loved <3

Your word and my word and her word is

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

And twilight gives me, an inner sanctity

And you're feeling, and you're hungry for her

And you don't understand it

But you know you haven't planned it

Your feelings and mine are all lonely

And dawn comes you're there lying with me

And you reach out to touch me, but I am in the twilight

You heard Ellie let out a sigh as she continued venting to you about Dina.

Stupid Dina.

Seems like all Ellie could talk about was her.

Why her? Out of all the people on the fucking planet why did it have to be Dina?

"She said "hey Ellie" and she didn't even smile with me! like what the fuck???" Ellie practically yelled with frustration.

You rolled your eyes at Ellie.

"Ellie calm down maybe she had a bad day"

Ellie stopped pacing around the room to look at you.

"Yeah.... you're right! She doesn't hate me she's just tired" Ellie said with a small smile.

You watched as Ellie lowered herself onto your bed and she looked up at you with a shy smile. She reached out her arms in your direction "cuddle?" she asked softly.

You let out a sigh as got into the bed spooning Ellie. She let out a hum of satisfaction.

"Ellie you need to stop doing this"

"doing what?"

you only shook your head and thought: "making me fall in love with you"

"friends don't cuddle" you brought up.

"Friends do" Ellie argued.

"Dina wouldn't like this" you added.

"well Dina isn't here right now" Ellie spoke matter of factly as she snuggled closer to you.

All you did was sigh as you brought your hand up to scratch Ellie's head. She let out a moan and she closed her eyes.

"You are a great friend, you know that?" Ellie spoke through a yawn.

Yeah, you were a great friend.

Your feelings and mine are all holy but,

You know and I know it's untrue because

When day dawns you're there lying with me

And the dawn can fly away

And you know I love you but you know that

There's nothing you can do about it

Because you love her, and you still want me

If I could be her... but I'm not her and she's not me

And you're somewhere different, on a different planet

You loved Ellie. You loved her a little more than a friend should.

Every time you saw her, your heart raced. She made you feel hot by just giving you a smile. Ellie made you feel things. Things you've never felt before.

You loved her.

But you knew she didn't feel the same.

You lay many nights next to Ellie, listening to her complain about Dina who's oblivious to Ellie's feelings.

It hurt you.

Seeing how Ellie always smiled when Dina walked into a room. Seeing how excited Ellie got, every time Dina said something. Every time Dina complimented Ellie, she almost exploded with joy.

It made you sick.

You tried being Dina.

Maybe Ellie would love you if you were someone else.

Maybe it was the way you did your hair? Was it the way you dressed? Was it the way you looked? What made Dina so special?

You tried cutting your hair the same length as Dina. You started dressing like her. You even copied her stupid music taste.

You tried. You tried so fucking hard.

But you could never be her and Ellie would never see you like that.

You knew Ellie loved you. She wanted you, but not in the same way you wanted her.

You were her best friend.

The girl she could go to with her problems, the girl who would help her with her hair and outfits.

You were nothing more than a friend.

You wanted to be Dina and you prayed to the gods that you could become her. But you didn't. You were nothing more than a friend in Ellie's eyes.

You saw how much Ellie's crush on Dina affected her.

How much it hurt her knowing that Dina most probably doesn't feel the same. And you being the amazing friend that you were, you decided to help Ellie.

You made it your mission to get them together.

Even though it hurt you knowing Ellie would never love you, as long as she was happy, you'd be happy too.

That's how you got yourself in your current position. Sitting across Dina in her apartment.

"So" you stared as you took a sip from the orange juice Dina gave you.

"we need to talk"

"about?"

"Ellie" "What about Ellie? Dina asked confused.

"do you have feelings for her?" you asked.

You watched as Dina burst out laughing, you watched as she threw her head back from laughing.

Anger sparked in you.

Why the fuck was she laughing? What's so fucking funny about liking Ellie?

After a while of Dina laughing, she slowed down breathing heavily before she let out a "Why would I like her? She's weird".

You felt your eye twitch before all hell broke loose.

How dare she say that about Ellie?

Your Ellie?

Ellie loved her so much and this is what Dina had to say?

This was the girl Ellie loved. She didn't deserve Ellie. If only she knew the amount of tears Ellie cried for her.

fucking bitch

You leaped from where you were sitting onto Dina, you straddled her as you punch her over and over again.

"How-"

*punch*

"dare-"

*punch*

"you"

*punch*

You don't even know how long you sat on her, and listened to her beg.

"Please" she whimpered as she tried getting you off her.

You eventually got off her breathing heavily as you looked down at your hands.

Your knuckles were bruised, and your hands covered in blood.

Dina's blood.

You looked over at her, seeing her slowly breathing. She didn't move, she didn't even make a sound.

Maybe she was unconscious.

You couldn't even recognize her with all the blood and bruises.

If Dina woke up, she would call the police. She would tell Ellie. Ellie would hate you.

You couldn't let that happen.

You slowly walked back from Dina, as you heard glass shatter. Your head snapped in the direction of the sound.

You saw pieces of glass scattered everywhere. And your orange juice was all over the floor.

Fuck you wanted to drink that.

You slowly bent down to pick up a shard of glass, and you held in your palm.

You walked towards Dina and you slowly pushed the glass into her trachea. You watched as the blood seeped from the wound.

You took a step back, leaving the glass shard in place. The blood dripped all over her throat and clothes, blood came out of her mouth.

Soon after Dina stopped breathing.

You killed her. You fucking killed someone.

You knew you made the right decision by killing Dina, because now you finally had Ellie to yourself.

And you still want it

The inner sanctity

And it's an evil

But the evil is necessary

And you're still hungry for her

And you still want her loving

But she doesn't love you

You watched as Ellie sat next to Dina's grave. She was sobbing.

Why the fuck was she crying over someone who didn't feel anything for her?

After Dina's death Ellie really struggled. She struggled to accept that the girl she loved wasn't here anymore. And what hurt Ellie the most was that Dina never knew.

Dina never knew the love Ellie had for her.

You watched Ellie spiral. You watched how she suffered.

Your plan was get rid of Dina, not the hurt the girl you loved.

Late at night when Ellie would lay in your arms you would sometimes feel regret for what you did. You didn't know it would affect Ellie the way it did, and you never wanted to hurt her. The guilt you felt soon get's replaced with pride when you realize that you got rid of the girl that was only going to hurt Ellie.

You saved Ellie. You saved her from rejection and embarrassment.

You knew she would get over it eventually.

Ellie's life wouldn't stop because her crush died. At some point she'll just have to accept it and you'll be here waiting for her with open arms.

You quietly walked towards Ellie as she sobbed next to Dina's grave, you raised your right hand putting it on her shoulder.

Ellie looked up at you, and in her eyes you could see how broken she was.

"It's ok Ellie" was all you said before she continued to sob into her hands.

You let out a sigh at the sight.

Months after Dina's death you realized that Ellie wasn't going to forget so easily.

You watched as she printed out pictures of her and Dina, and she placed it all over her apartment. You watched as she went to Dina's grave every week.

You listened to Ellie cry almost every night.

Even though you knew Dina didn't feel anything for her, Ellie still wanted her. Ellie still craved Dina.

Yes, she got affection from you, but you were never going to be enough.

All she wanted was Dina.

And you knew in the years to come Ellie wouldn't be able to move on and forget.

Even though you were there for her through everything. Even though you showed her nothing but love, the only person Ellie ever wanted was Dina.

She wanted Dina's love. Dina's care.

You were nothing but a friend. The realization made you sick.

You did everything for her.

You even killed for her.

But you'll never be Dina.

All you could was comfort her and hope, she'll one day feel the same.

[gurugirl]

no good boy today? 😭

can you give us another sneak peek to give us something to hang on to until monday?

No not today my love! I'm still writing the final scene but I'm like 98% done and then I have to go back in and fill in some details and then edit, etc. It's just too much to finish today.

But I'm happy to give you another sneaky! This one's a little sweeter than the last one. Enjoy! 1.3k words below 👀

sneak peek from part 5 of A Good Boy below the cut

Y/n connected her cellphone to the speaker and put on music she had in her saved favorites. A random mix really.

Harry watched her walk across the stones to the outdoor mini fridge and pull out a bottle of beer before turning to him with a brow raised, “Want a beer?”

He nodded as he pulled himself out of the water and began to walk toward her.

She did well not to stare at his wet body as she handed him the cold bottle.

“Surprised you didn’t go out with Tyler. Seemed like you would have enjoyed seeing that girl tonight.” Y/n spoke as she sat down on the chair next to her book.

Harry took the lounge next to hers and put his feet up as he took a swig from the bottle.

“Yeah. I would have enjoyed seeing her. She was really nice.”

“So why didn’t you? This is your vacation, Harry. You should enjoy it.”

Harry leaned his head back into the chair and turned to look at Y/n, “I am enjoying it. Maybe another night I’ll go out. Last night was too much for me.”

They sat silently for a bit as Y/n picked her book back up and tried to concentrate on the words on the page but her mind was racing.

When the next song came on, it had changed the mood entirely. A slow song and the lyrics were maybe somewhat ironic given their circumstance.

Harry stood from his chair and stretched his arms overhead before taking down the last of his beer.

“You done with yours?” He gestured toward her bottle.

“Oh. Yeah. Thanks, Harry.” She was about to pick up the bottle to hand to him but he reached across her and picked it up. Their faces coming within just inches. He’d done it on purpose. But she didn’t say anything as he straightened himself and took the bottles to the trash.

She looked back down at her book but the lyrics of the song and Harry’s fit body were far more interesting to her.

“You’re staring,” Harry spoke through his smile.

Y/n scoffed and rolled her eyes, “No. No, I’m not.” But she didn’t remove her eyes from his frame as she grinned.

Harry kept his gaze set on hers as he adjusted his swim trunks, plucking at the fabric near his crotch where the lining was irritating his skin. He’d done that on purpose too. A reminder to her of what she was missing out on.

She tried not to imagine him without the shorts. She knew what he looked like underneath.

Blinking her eyes she looked down at her lap and took a breath.

“So, Tyler’s having fun. He brought that girl back yesterday and now he’s out with another tonight. Quite the ladies' man,” Y/n tried changing the subject or at least the trajectory of where her mind was beginning to wander.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Harry shrugged as he plopped back down onto the chair and stretched his arms behind his head. “Kind of funny…” Harry chuckled, not finishing his thought.

Y/n turned to look at him, “What’s funny?”

Harry’s bright eyes binged on her exposed skin, “Cause I should be out with him. Bambi was cute. Coulda had fun. Yet, here I am.”

Nodding she turned to face him, putting her feet onto the stone below the chair, “You should have gone. It would have been good. You can still go you know.” “Would it be? Is that what you want?” Harry mimicked her stance, turning himself and putting his feet onto the stone, their knees facing one another.

“What I want? What do you mean?”

Harry’s pink lips opened and then closed as he considered his words, “Want me to go out and have fun with someone else? Someone who’s not you?”

Y/n shook her head and looked away from his deep gaze. Of course, she didn’t want that. What she wanted wasn’t fair. Wasn’t right.

She stood up so she could pace. To put some distance between her and Harry because even though he was a couple of feet from her it was too close. But she didn’t get far when she felt his hand on her hip and he was standing over her, “That’s what you want?”

It wasn’t fair. Her feelings weren’t fair. The way he felt for her wasn’t fair. Nothing about their situation was fair.

She looked up at him and the slow riff of the new song made their proximity feel even more intense. It just wasn’t fair.

“Stop, Harry. You already know the answer.”

When his other hand landed on her hip and pulled her in so she couldn’t back away from him he shook his head, “I do know the answer. That’s why I’m here. With you. Because we want the same thing. Don’t we?”

She dropped her eyes toward his chest, just about where his heart would be. The heart she longed to keep for herself. The most tender heart she’d ever known.

She nodded but did not look up at him. Because it wasn’t fair. Her answer wasn’t fair. His feelings weren’t fair.

“See? You’re just torturing yourself, Y/n. Torturing me. I need you in a way I’ve never needed anything, and I know it’s the same for you. Please look at me.”

Harry didn’t know he could be so relentless about something. He was generally very easygoing and didn’t bother to push anyone in the way he did with Y/n. But it was different. Because he knew they had something special. Something rare.

Slowly she gave in and looked up at him again, bringing her hands up to his chest, palms flat. He looked down at her hands and then back up to her eyes, “Can you feel my heart?”

She nodded as Harry took one of his hands and pressed it over the back of hers to hold her palm in place. The unmistakable thudding of his muscular organ below vibrated against her skin, “It doesn’t do that with anyone else.”

She didn’t want to cry. Didn’t want to let her feelings overwhelm her like they had been since she broke it off. Wanted to keep strong. Didn’t want to give in. Didn’t want to not give in.

“I know you feel the same way. Why are you doing this?”

She let out a shaky breath and blinked her eyes, “Because we can’t.”

“Y/n… I’m…” he shook his head and took a deep breath, “I need you to be honest. Because I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’m going crazy. Tell me you don’t want me.”

“That’s not fair.” Her words were a whisper.

“If you can’t tell me you don’t want me I’m never gonna be able to move on from you, Y/n.”

Harry brought his hands up to her face, not allowing her the chance to look away from him.

“I can’t.”

“Y/n… there’s not a single part of me that doesn’t want every single part of you. It’s only going to get worse. Tell me now you don’t want me. Before I kiss you.” His nose was pressed into her cheekbone as he closed his eyes. He could tell her breath was deepening. Her fingers softly stroked the skin and hair of his chest.

“Harry… please… don’t…” she couldn’t ever tell him she didn’t want him. She should tell him so that they could put an end to all of it. Tell him she never wanted him. Tell him it never meant anything to her. But how could she when that was the furthest thing from the truth? Her heart couldn’t let her speak those things aloud to him. Couldn’t utter those lies.

“Say it and I’ll stop. Say it, Y/n. Put me out of misery. Let me move on if you don’t want me. Say it and I’ll leave you alone for good.”

What do you think will happen?

Tags: @becauseheartsgetbroken-hs @shishcabobsworld @daphnesutton @spinnerswife69 @holy-macncheese-balls @cookielovesbook-akie @lilfreakjez @itsgigikay @amateurduck @kathb59

[cabinofimagines]

The Automaton Mash

Last part from Halloween of the year! Hope y'all enjoyed our brainwaves. Pairing: A lot platonic, both MCGA and TOA, x gn!reader Word count: 2.9k Warnings: only our humour I suppose Happy Halloween! - Danny & Asnyox

Lester is the next guy to come up to you in a frantic state. “Have you seen Hecate?”

You stare at him without understanding. “Yeah, plenty of times. Not today though.”

“Very funny. Seriously, I thought I had handled that yesterday but I could’ve sworn that I saw her like three minutes ago and I keep hearing these scratching noises coming from the vents…”

Your heartbeat picks up at his statement. “Eh, what now? Are you sure it isn’t the music echoing through the vents? We’d never held a party indoors before, maybe that’s it?”

“No, no. I tell you, Hecate is here,” Apollo winces. “Maybe I should stop using her name. Anyway, if you see her tell me right away. Gods, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to keep her from showing up at your parties since the one you held years ago at her house, now she keeps saying how she’s so eager to see it first-hand but if she realizes there are no large campfires with dancing witches all over and that you’ve also invited people from other realms she’ll be so disappointed that she’ll forbid you from making parties!”

You frown. “Is that the reason why you’re always around during Halloween? Wait, what do you mean other realms? Is this about the undead, because I don’t know who invited those guys, Nico didn’t.”

“Klaus is literally right there.” He gives you a look pointing at the entrance. “Why else would I be here every freaking year?”

“Because you love and miss us?”

Lester brushes it off. “Yes. Lots and lots. Anyway, we must find Hecate—”

“It’s not Hecate,” you sigh heavily. “I know what the noises are, but I don’t think we can do much without halting the party. I could use your help, though.”

“Oh. Doing what?”

“We need an expert at dressing up to judge the costume competition and you are our guy,” you smile. “So in about twenty minutes or so go meet Calypso in front of the stage, pretty please?”

Lester glances at the hallway again but gives in. He hopes nothing bad happens while he sits back and enjoys the party.

Percy was looking for Alex. He felt bad for whatever Klaus and possible-real-santa had to put up with on a yearly basis. Starting the preparations for Christmas during Halloween? That’s just insane. But he also knew that he had approximately 20 dollars, a half pack of gum, and a pharmacy receipt in the pockets of his costume. 

If only he could recall what Alex was dressed as- he hadn’t seen her yet, but he knew that Annabeth told him before, in one of her costume planning rambles. With a little chance she might have more money on her, and if not he could try Piper too. 

In Percy’s searching frenzy he wasn’t really looking out where he was going, until he bumped into someone. Percy quickly looked and saw blonde hair, pointy ears and-

Oh gods there were three of them. Did all the elves have to go to this party? Did they have nowhere left? Was the world that far gone? Without a second thought he blurted out a quick “I’ll get you money!” to the closest elf, before running off in a different direction. Said elf turned to his two fellow Legolase’s. 

“What’s Percy’s problem?” Magnus asked, as Jason shrugged. “I think it has to do with Klaus again,” Will said, and Jason seemed to understand. Magnus, however, was left in the dark, for only a moment, before Will sighed and started explaining the saga of Klaus and Percy’s obsession with Christmas.  

Percy figured he would simply give his earthly possessions to Klaus immediately- he can always do a fundraiser next Christmas for the elves. With this mindset he went back out to meet with Klaus and his friend. Before Percy could come close enough to see what they were doing, Klaus’s friend pointed at him. Klaus turned around and smiled widely. 

“Ah Percy, found any gifts?” He said, as he made sure that Percy stood in front of both his friend and him. Percy squinted his eyes as Klaus seemed to be using sign language, but he didn’t question it. 

“I have twenty dollars and some gum-” he said and he felt himself get flustered. Klaus’ friend was staring intensely at his face while he was talking. Percy sighed, “I couldn’t find Alex, but I promise I’ll raise more funds soon!” 

“Oh, but twenty is plenty right now,” Klaus said, “Let’s go get some resources for our workers- I know just what candy they need.” 

And without question, Percy followed the two elves to the nearest store. 

Alex saw her newest target- a Latino on the smaller side. She simply knew that he would be an easy scare- he was already looking extremely anxious. Besides, he was clearly dressed as some sort of dwarf appropriation, and Alex figured he should get a good scare for daring to do so. 

She also figured he was probably unaware of his crimes, but that didn’t matter to her.

So, slowly, she stalked her way to the boy. She didn’t need to try too hard to be silent, as the noises from the party would cover any footsteps.  She was hovering right next to the Latino’s shoulder as he turned around and screamed, high and shrill, for only a moment, as the ghost in front of him started cackling. Leo regained his breath for a moment. 

“Geez, are you one of those undead that are visiting?” he eyed the ghostly figure in front of him, which casually nodded. “Sure am.” she answered, like a normal person and not at all like what Leo imagined La Llorona to sound like. At his scrutinizing gaze Alex felt like she should elaborate, “This is just a costume though.” 

Leo nodded slowly, before properly looking at the costume. 

“Sick costume! Did you have help from Blitzen making this?” he asked. “How do you know Blitzen? Either way, this is all homemade by yours truly.” she answered and Leo whistled. 

“I just met the dude, uh, are you joining in the costume contest?” he asked and Alex shook her head. “Why not?” “If too many people see the costume I can’t freak anyone out anymore.” Alex shrugged, “Besides I have seen what Blitzen has made and there’s no way I am winning, it’s unfair.” 

Leo eyed La Llorona for a moment, before casually looking to the side. 

“If it’s unfair, you know you can bust the awards ceremony.” he suggested, “I live here, I know exactly where you could come from to scare everyone in the audience, if you aren’t a pussy at least.” It barely took a second for Alex to answer.

“I’m in.”

As you sit down between Calypso and Lester at the judges table, you look around searching for Jason or Leo, but neither is within sight. Holding back a groan, you put on an easy-going smile and signal to Calypso so she goes upstage and speaks to the crowd, announcing the costume competition.

As the contenders quickly gather backstage, Calypso explains what they’ll be basing their ratings on and how the crowd is allowed to interact with the process. The prize is, of course, a bag of drachmas and the opportunity to host next year’s Halloween party if the winner wishes to.

Calypso goes back to her seat giddily and calls out through the mic. “First contestant, you may come out now!”

While the competition comes through, you have one eye on the costumes and the other on the vents. If only you had a set of security cameras set up on this stupid table to switch channels every so often and see if the animatronics are getting closer or further away, now that would be helpful and certainly not scary at all.

When Annabeth comes up on the stage she’s holding a large, worn cloak over her body, and you all stay silent whispering about her strange choice and why she deemed it competition-worthy. That is, until she swirls the fabric with a dramatic flare and twirls, tossing the large cloak aside and revealing a highly realistic armour underneath. 

Gasps are heard everywhere, and in the back you hear a girl squeal. “Oh gods, she’s Chappell Roan!”

Annabeth sighs. “I knew that would happen,” she raises her voice. “I’m Joan of Arc, guys, not Chappell! Love her music, though!”

Calypso, Lester, and you lean your heads closer together and whisper. “Okay so that is a pretty cool costume,” Lester starts. “I love Joan of Arc! She was super funny.”

“Mhm, not to be that guy, but if Annabeth wins she’ll get to host Halloween next year and you guys weren’t here to see that, but let me tell you, if she hosts that means Percy and Grover host, and you do not want to see how things go when they’re left in charge.”

“Yeah? And how’s it going for you tonight, hm?” Lester raises a brow.

“What?” Calypso looks slightly concerned. “Is something happening that I don’t know of?”

“Nothing, my sweet, stay in your bubble.” You pat her head distractedly. “Now, Lester, in my defense I’m not hosting, Leo and Calypso are. And the bad side of things is all Leo. However, you may’ve noticed Leo is nowhere to be found, so maybe he already fixed things while everyone was gathered here in a safe space!”

A dreadful high-pitched scratching comes from the ceiling and the vents when two dozen automatons fall out in a cascade of rusty old bodies. You wince, staring at the chaos as three of them fall too close to Annabeth.

“And that’s our queue to stop arguing!” You claim already halfway out of your seat and jumping over the table to fight the machines.

Lester makes his bow appear and Calypso pulls out a dagger from her ankle. You have no idea if she’s got any more hidden and if she also had them on while chilling and watching movies with all of you, but now there are worse things to worry about.

Annabeth stumbles back in shock when the automatons all start crawling towards her, and then a male voice shouts her name, getting her attention. “Your costume!” Blitzen shouts. “It works as real armor, you can fight!”

Annabeth seizes the banner she’d carried to the stage and twists it. It splits in half, creating two medium-sized spears with shiny silver points. “For le goulash!” She shouts before stabbing one of the robots in the head.

Your eye catches a glimpse of something squirming over your head just as you decapitate an automaton and you gasp. “Holy shit, is that a ghost bride?”

Lester squeaks out. “It’s Hecate!” 

But you pale when the girl falls directly over an automaton and cuts right through his middle as if it were made of butter. “That’s not Hecate, that’s one of the undead!”

“That’s my friend Alex!” A short man runs past you smiling from ear to ear. “Mess them up, my friend!”

“Isn’t that…” You squint, but Lester tackles you before you can finish your thought.

From the ground you watch as a large guy dressed up as a bear tears the costume off his body and, in what can only be described as an act of pure madness, sticks a pumpkin over his head. A lit, real-life pumpkin.

You get up to help him but a guy, looking extremely similar to Jason but speaking in a more high panicky voice, urges you to run to the other side. “He’s fine he’s just excited, keep moving!”

“And who are you?” You demand, feeling like you’re suffering some kind of mass hallucinating from smelling Leo’s half-baked goulash.

“I’m Magnus!” He responds while his sword flies all around him slashing robots. You’re not very sure, but every time that thing flies past you, you could swear its humming the Monster Mash.

“Oh, Annabeth’s cousin! Didn’t know she invited you! So you must be the undead Nico sniffed!” You retort after tripping an animatronic and slamming it’s head against the ground.

The human Jack O’Lantern runs past you with the remnants of his costume now also on fire, but he really must have some thick skin, because it doesn’t seem to bother him. Next to him a red-haired girl dressed as Merida shouts instructions at him so he knows where to hit next, given that his vision sucks at the moment.

“Demigod life, am I right?” Magnus says with a hint of dry humour. 

You smirk. “Dude, and you didn’t see our last year’s competition of cabin decorations for Christmas.”

“You guys celebrate Christmas? Aren’t you pagan and stuff?” Magnus pauses. “Oh no, am I the racist Legolas?”

“Duck!” You exclaim, slashing your sword just an inch above his head and cutting through a robot’s arm.

“Here’s the elf candy!” Percy comes through the main entrance holding a tote bag.

Hearthstone and Klaus stop behind him, the three of them coming to an abrupt halt when they see the carnage of metallic limbs and oil stains scattered across the room. 

“What the hell happened?” Percy scowled, locking eyes with Leo. “Dude, I know your waiters were glitchy but you didn’t have to butcher them!” He walks up to one of the bodies and picks up the head. “The off switch is right there!”

You and Jason share the same infuriated look. “Would you like me to hold the goulash while you strangle him with your wig?”

“No need, I’m gonna choke him with the goulash,” he grumbles, walking away to get to Leo.

“Your prize,” Calypso comes up to Annabeth holding a small bag of drachmas. “Your costume is awesome. Good luck hosting Halloween next year, don’t ever ask me to do it again.”

“I don’t wanna host Halloween,” Annabeth scrunches up her nose. “I share a house with Percy!”

“Leonidas Valdez.” 

Leo gulped- he had really hoped that Jo and Em wouldn’t notice anything amiss. They said they would be gone for most of the party week out of respect, but here they were, at the end of the party. He turned to his moms, trying to not look as guilty as he felt. 

“What is the one thing we said you were not allowed to do?” Jo’s voice was strict, and Em was standing next to her with the same look on her face. “Go see the automatons, lest they activate.” Leo admitted, knowing there was no way out of this. “And what did you do?” Em asked. “I went to see the automatons, and they activated, BUT-” Leo took one second to see no interruptions from his moms, “We dealt with the problem now! Nobody got hurt, and you don’t have to worry about the automatons anymore!”  Em and Jo looked at each other for a second, before looking around the mess that was the Waystation currently. “You’re off the hook for tonight, but you will face consequences Leo.” Jo said, before she and Em joined hands and walked off, probably not wanting to see the aftermath for much longer. Leo hoped he could convince the party goers to help clean up. 

“Wow, I’ve never seen them that strict, even with me.” “HA!” Leo jumped up, only to come face to face with Lityerses, “Ah, sorry Lit. Didn’t hear you coming this way.” Lityerses shrugged. “Anyways, Jason is looking for you, something about wanting to dump goulash on your head. I would go to him before he gets to you.” 

As the chaos settled down, Blitzen reunited with Hearthstone, asking why Hearthstone was here. 

Klaus is a childhood acquaintance of mine. He also hates Alfheim. He invited me.  

Blitzen nodded as he looked around the room, only to be interrupted by Hearthstone getting his attention and pointing at Leo- still dressed as a dwarf. Blitzen turned to Hearthstone with a questioning gaze, as his friend had mischief in his eyes. He’s just like you. Hearthstone signed. Blitzen glared at him, as he pointed to the guy dressed like an elf next to Leo, holding a pot of food. He’s just like you. Blitzen signed, and Hearthstone hit him softly. I don’t even like goulash. His friend signed back. 

Before Blitzen could react, Halfborn, still partially on fire with the jack-o-lantern pattern, went up the stage. Somehow this sight of him alone quieted the room, as a manical grin was on his face. “HEY,” He started, loudly, “IF THIS IS HALLOWEEN EVERY YEAR, Y’ALL ARE INVITED TO VALHALLA NEXT YEAR.” 

Nobody cheered, and the next sound was TJ, still impeccably dressed as Sherlock, getting on the stage too. 

“Uh, Halfborn, love the enthusiasm, but most people here are not dead. So maybe Boston will do?” he suggested, and it took a split second for Halfborn to nod. Before he loudly made a new statement. “Y’ALL ARE INVITED TO HALLOWEEN IN BOSTON NEXT YEAR. NOW CHEER.” 

That seemed to do the trick, as reluctant cheering broke out in the crowd. What just happened? Hearthstone asked Blitzen, who seemed a bit disappointed. We’re hosting Halloween next year. Blitzen answered.

[curseofhecate]

Doomed from the very start

Edmund Pevensie x Female!Reader

In which they didn't know who each other was, yet they still fell in love with one another.

1.4k

tw: clinche, and it's giving fairytail (or maybe it's just me).

This is set after the first movie. Both Edmund and reader are aged up. Maybe around 16 or 17.

Yesterday's masquerade ball was all everyone seemed to talk about. Maybe because it was the first one Cair Paravel had hosted in a while or maybe because it was the first one organised by the Pevensie siblings.

Most people they encountered with congratulated them. Susan took great pride in it, as she was the one who was responsible for organising every little detail. Peter, who was The High King, also took great pride in the ball's success.

Under any other circumstances, Edmund would be the first to complain about his brother's ego that only kept growing. But that wasn't the case today. The boy had barely been able to focus in anything else but her.

Last Night, at the Ball

The younger king of the two couldn't be seen, hiding in the shadows and avoiding any short of people that walked his way. From Peter, who wanted him to meet the rulers of near kingdoms and talk about, well some short of politics, to pretty princesses his age, dressed in beautiful gowns asking him to dance with them.

He preferred to keep his distance from the crowds, opting to hide in the dark corners of the room, from where he could easily see people dancing and conversing.

The soft music coming from the orchestra. the constant but subtle chatter and the occasional laughs, the clinking noises the glasses made had him feel both nervous and at ease in the same time.

He could be dancing with the prettiest girl of this entire magical world, but he didn't. Instead he sat there, leaning against the wall, watching the events of the night unfold before his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" a voice asked. The raven haired boy immediately turned his head to face a girl. Maybe it was because of the mask, black with silver details, that did a really good job at disguising her. She seemed familiar, as if he had seen her in a picture or randomly passed by her someday without realising it.

Her eyes were a beautiful shade of e/c and Edmund found himself getting lost in them. Shaking his head he snapped out of it, mentally taking notes of her appearance. Her skin tone, her h/c hair that were pulled into an elegant bun, the black dress she was wearing.

Everything about her had something magnetic, something that pulled him towards her. The boy sighed, realising he had been starring for way too long without answering her question. "I'm hiding from my brother".

The girl looked at him and smiled. "Your brother must suck then" she said. "Well, yeah sometimes" he admitted. The girl looked at him up and down, as if taking in his appearance. The young prince didn't fail to notice as a soft pink tainted his cheeks.

The girl chuckled at the sight of him blushing. "What's your name?" she asked. Edmund was surprised. No one had ever asked for his name since his crowning, it was well known that he was King Edmund the Just. "I'm Edmund" the boy answered, and for once he didn't feel like he had to pretend being someone else.

The girl shook his hand, an act unusual for girls, as most greeted him and his siblings with a curtsey and not a handshake. "What's yours?" he asked, letting go of her hand. "That's for me to know and you to find out".

"Hey, that's not fair!" the boy complained. "I told you my name so now you owe me yours".

"Is there any other way I could repay you that's not telling you my name" she asked hopefully. She knew the moment he learned her name he wouldn't want to be anywhere near her. She was no fool, she knew of the rivalry between his kingdom and hers.

The boy thought about her offer for a bit. "How about a dance then?" he asked hopefully. He wanted a chance to hold her and touch her as they swayed back and forth. He wanted to know what her touch felt like.

The girl agreed, knowing deep down that not one part of her could resist him. And even though she shouldn't, she knew she was already falling for him.

When the song ended, he took her hand and dragged her in the middle of the room. He stood there, placing a gentle hand on her waist as her arm found his shoulder.

The orchestra started to play a slower tune and they started dancing. Edmund was trying not to step on her feet, but it was clear he was failing miserably. "Sorry" he'd apologise. "I'm still not very good at this".

"It's fine" the girl would respond. "It took me years to learn how to dance properly" the girl chuckled, thinking back to the countless times she spent trying not to step on her partner’s feet.

The smile he gave her lit a flame in her heart. She was melting on the inside, and it scared her. The girl was used to being independent and confident. But something about Edmund made her feel shy and completely dependent.

By the end of the song they both had lost control over their feelings. They had fallen in love with one another, yet still pretended they didn't.

The boy smiled and let go of her waist, but still grasping her hand. He pulled her with him, walking towards the wide open French windows that lead to the balcony.

"Where are we going?" Y/n asked, a laugh escaping her lips as the boy continued to drag her. "Just follow me"

The made their way down the marble stairs that lead down to the garden. The music of the crowded room was fading with every step they took.

Making their way through trees and bushes the boy stopped in front of a fountain. It was made from white marble, a statue of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of beauty decorating it. The sound of water flowing form under the goddess' feet was the only one that could be heard in the quiet of the night.

"It's so beautiful" the girl voiced out, amazed by the sight in front of her. "It really is" the boy agreed. Only he was talking about her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" the girl asked softly, noticing how close her face was to his. "You are really pretty".

The boy's hand rested on her cheek as he slowly took off the mask that was hiding her face. Y/n didn't say anything, nor did she try to pull away or stop him.

The mask fell off his hands as he gazed at her now unmasked face, refusing to believe how pretty she was. How could someone be so beautiful?

There was no reason to pretend anymore. "Would it be weird if I told you I like you" the boy asked in a hushed tone. "No, I think it would be weirder if I told you I feel the same way".

The boy leaned in, lips brushing against hers. He looked into her eyes one last time before closing the distance that remained between them.

Their lips connected and time stopped for the both of them. If they could stay like this forever they would.

But they couldn't. Eventually the pulled apart, both of them struggling to breath. "This is wrong" the girl spoke. They boy' expression turned to a confused one.

"What? Why?"

"You'll learn eventually" the girl sighed before pulling him in for a second kiss. This time it was longer, full of passion and love. The girl pulled away, resting her forehead against hers.

"I have to go" she said, taking a step back.

"Wait!" the boy shouted alarmed grabbing her wrist. "Can I have one last kiss?"

The girl nodded and leaned in for a third time. This time it was more of a goodbye kiss.

The ghost of her lips still lingered over Edmund's, even when she said godbye to him before walking away. Turning back one last time the girl looked at him, as if trying to mesmerise every feature of the boy's face.

"Y/n"

Edmund just stood there, watching her walk away. Y/n. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

Only when she was completely out of sight did he realise who she actually was and why she seemed familiar.

And in that moment he knew, they were doomed from the start.

[xxstorywriterxx]

Your local barista / Part 4

Larissa Weems x fem reader fanfiction

You´re a barista working at Weathervane. A tall blonde, beautiful woman comes in from time to time to get a coffee and talk to you. She seems nice at first but after a while you find yourself wondering if you could become more than friends?

Thank you so much for your support! I´ll try to post updates every week!

This chapter is quite sad, sorry everyone haha. Look out for future parts ;)

Link to the following chapter is at the bottom.

Warnings: fluff, drama, sadness, lack of self-worth

You placed the last fork on the table. Then you looked around the roof terrace to check if everything was set. It was a nice, warm evening. To your left was a small table with the dishes on it. To your right was a large and cozy lounge sofa with a coffee-table in front of it. Your roof terrace wasn´t huge but it had the perfect size to sit around with a few friends and enjoy nice silent nights, just like the one today. You had placed fairylights all over the place, which caused everything to be lit in a warm and cozy light. Some Jazz music was playing in the backround. The pillows and blankets on the sofa waited desperately for someone to finally lay back into them. Maybe tonight you wouldn´t be alone while doing so. Everything seemed perfect so you went back through the door into your kitchen. It smelled amazing in there. The Lasagne was ready to be served and you had already placed the side salad outside. Now you just had to wait for Larissa to arrive. You went to the bathroom to check your fit for the 6th time today. Isaac helped you picking out the perfect outfit yesterday. It was mainly black with some red detail hidden in it, like a few buttons. He wanted it to resemble Larissa´s red lipstick a little bit. You fixed a few hairs poking out when the doorbell rang. "Ok, here I go." You mumbled to yourself. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

Your jaw dropped at the sight of Larissa´s dress. It was tight and black and reached just above her knees. She wore an elegant silver necklace and, of course, she had her red liptick on. Her hair was looking as gorgeous as everyday but this time she had a few sparkly pins in them, that looked like little diamonds when light fell on them. A slight breeze caused you to breathe in her smell. You felt numb. She was the definition of perfection.

"Hello, Darling. You look great! I really love your outfit!" She checked out your outfit for a few seconds with a crooked, sexy grin. "A- And so do you. I mean- Wow! I feel horribly underdressed in my own home!" You still tried to focus and not loose your mind. But the look she gave you combined with her wonderful smell really didn´t make it easy for you. "Thank you y/n. I love hearing that from you." "Trust me, I will never be able to say anything else about your looks." Larissa blushed a little. "Shall we go inside? I´ll give you a house tour." "Oh, yes. I would love that. I was wondering what your home would look like." Larissa stepped inside and you closed the door. "Well, here we go then!" You showed Larissa every room, told her a few stories about yourself when looking at certain photos, and stopped in the kitchen. "Wow, y/n. The food smells amazing! I can´t wait to taste it." She winked at you at the last sentence. "No worries. We will get to eat any minute. But you haven´t seen the highlight of my home yet." You then opened the door that led from the kitchen to your roof terrace. Larissa stepped out and looked around. Her mouth was slightly open and she seemed to love every detail she saw. "Wow." She said, stunned. "This is beautiful. Absolutley beautiful." She walked towards the railing and stroke over it. She seemed to be deep in her thoughts while still admiring her surrounding. You smiled while looking at this perfect picture. Nothing could ever capture the beauty of her. Nothing. You slowly turned back and grabbed the Lasagne from the kitchen counter. You placed it on the table outside and watched Larissa for a few seconds. Then you got up to her, placed a hand on her back while she was watching the sky and said "Common. Let´s eat something." Larissa smiled down at you, full of love. She nodded and the two of you headed back to sit down at the table.

Your dinner was amazing. The food was great, you were really happy with yourself, and the wine Larissa brought was very delicious. You talked about all sorts of things: your families, your childhood, places you would like to travel and work. Larissa told you more about being a shapeshifter and promised you to show you one day. Talking to her was so easy. You could tell both of you got more comfortable around each other and you felt like you could talk about anything. She told you more about Nevermore, her time as a student and what to expect as a teacher, in case you wanted to work there some day. Larissa even told you a bit more about her experience with Normies and other students, when she was younger. How she feared rejection. How she felt like she was never good enough. And how she thought for a long time no-one would like her for who she was, but rather for her abilities. You on the other hand talked about your fears and struggles you went through in your hometown. It was amazing how you could talk for ages without getting bored. Larissa was truly breath-taking. When you were fnished with dessert you both decided to move to the sofa. At first you just sat next to each other, a bit stiff even. But after a while you both relaxed and moved closer to each other. You now sat next to each other, faces just a few centimeters apart and holding hands. You both laughed about a story you´ve told from work. You haven´t felt this happy and relaxed for years and you were enjoying every bit of it. But there was something on your mind you just couldn´t let go. "Larissa?" you asked after a minute of silence. "Hm?" she looked at you with a dreamy smile. Your heart began to race. "Do you remember our car ride?" Larissa took a sip from her redwine. "Of course I do, my Dear." She took another sip and placed the glass on the coffee table. You took a deep breath. "Right. Well, I was wondering... you know, before I got out of the car we talked. And I- I said I liked you." You felt your head getting hot and your palms were getting sweaty. You were very nervous and scared to upset Larissa. She nodded and looked at you with a serious expression on her face. She was waiting for you to continue talking. You swallowed. "You know, after I said it, you said it back and-" "What did I say back?" Larissa looked at you, curious this time. She stroke your hand with her thumb while holding it. "You said you liked me too. And- God, why is this so hard?" You threw your head back and took a few deep breaths. Here goes nothing, you thought to yourself. "Larissa," you looked her deep in the eyes. "Tonight has been wonderful. I love spending time with you. I love seeing you everyday at work. And I really want us to hang out more. I wanted to spent time with you for quite a while actually but I was too scared to ask. You know, since I´m only the barista who serves you coffee every morning. But the last couple of weeks things felt... different. And on the car ride home I couldn´t help but telling you, that I- I- I liked you. And then you even said it back and..." You paused and took another deep breath. "Larissa, what did you mean when you said you would like me?" Larissa stared at you, suprised. "Pardon?" "I just wanted to know what it meant when you said it. How... do you like me? In which way? I kinda... need to know because I really... I just need to know what we are." You breathed heavily. It felt like you just ran a marathon. Larissa said nothing. She had turned her head away from you and watched the sky, which was filled with pink and purple clouds. "Oh," was the only thing that left her mouth. "Well, I guess..." Larissa shifted on her side of the couch. She seemed very nervous. Then she let go of your hand. "I mean, you´re a great person y/n. I love spending time with you. You know, I like you. I see you- You´re-" She didn´t look at you. She looked everywhere but at you. While she did, she played with the necklace around her neck. Her face had turned red. "You´re a great friend. And a great person. You know. That´s why- That´s why I like you."

Up until then you had felt your heart racing. Now it felt like it completely stopped moving at all. The warmth you have felt in your chest the entire evening, no, actually the entire week, was gone. Instead you felt cold. Empty. Numb, but in a different way than usual, when you were around Larissa. Larissa, who was still looking away from you and playing with her necklace. "Oh." It was you who said it this time. Your throat was dry. Your eyes were burning, you could feel them getting wet. "I see." You tried to control your breathing. You felt like crying but you stayed strong. You wouldn´t cry in front of her. You didn´t want to show your weakness. You didn´t want her to know, that she was your weakness, not this time.

You both remained silent. You had moved away from each other. Larissa finished her glass of wine and continued looking into the sky. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else. "I had a great night y/n. But- you know- it´s quite late. I should probably go now." You didn´t look at her. "Sure." You could tell that Larissa looked at you, but you couldn´t meet her eyes. It would be too painful. Then she got up from the sofa and took her glass into the kitchen. You didn´t move. "I already called an Uber," you heard her say. You swallowed. "Good. Yeah, it´s important you get home safe." You swallowed again, closed your eyes, took a deep breath and got up. Be strong, you told yourself. Just for a few minutes. You went into the kitchen and saw Larissa checking her bag in case she forgot anything. You looked at her and forced yourself to smile. She smiled back. A sad and nervous smile, unlike anything you had ever seen from her. You could see her hands shaking as she closed her bag. "My Uber is downstairs." You both just stared at each other. Sad, empty. "Ok." You nodded. "Ok," she said back. Then you both walked out of the kitchen and to the front door. "Be careful," you said to her. Larissa looked at you. She seemed to be hurt. Why on earth would she be hurt?, you asked yourself. "I will," she said. You looked up at her and smiled. But she didn´t turn around. She looked like she wanted to say something but just didn´t know how. Then she reached out her arm. Slowly she moved her right hand towards your left shoulder. The one she touched yesterday when everything was fine. You smelled her scent. You heard her breathe. She was just about to touch your arm when a car honked outside. Larissa pulled back her arm, opened the front door and looked at you one last time. "Thank you," she whispered. You thought you heard her say "Love" under her breath but for sure you just imagined it. You just stood there. You couldn´t move. You heard Larissa getting into the car and then she was gone. The sky was dark. The pink and purple clouds were nowhere to be seen. The wind was cold and you started to shake. What happened? How could something so wonderful turn into something so dark and hurtful? You were sure Larissa liked you back. You felt like a fool. Why? Why would she like you? You knew she could have anyone. Why should she want you? You fooled yourself. Saw signs that didn´t exist. Told yourself into thinking the moments you had were special. In the end she was just nice to her local barista. That´s who you are. A barista, a friend. You weren´t her lover and especially not her love-interest. How could you ever believe that?

You didn´t know how long you stood in your doorway but at some point you just turned around and got to bed. You didn´t bother to brush your teeth or to do the dishes first. Nothing mattered right now. You got out of your clothes and slipped under the blanket. You took a deep breath. And then it hit you. The pain. The embarrasement. The hope. The love. Your tears were hot, your head started to hurt and your eyes burned.

Sure. You weren´t a couple. You didn´t even officially date each other. But you dreamed about it for so long. And then you finally let your feelings get to you. You accepted them, started to flirt with Larissa. You allowed yourself to try to get closer to her, eventhough you were scared about getting rejected. You were so focused on her that you made yourself believe she would not see you as 'just a friend'. But she did.

The night was horrible. You had trouble falling asleep and when you finally did, you woke up after just a couple of hours. At some point you decided to just stay awake, but you didn´t leave the bed. The day was foggy and rainy. The trees outside your bedroom window seemed dark and sad. Just like you. You just layed in your bed and had no motivation to get out. At least you didn´t feel like crying anymore. At this point you felt embarrassed and were scared to meet Larissa on Monday morning. God. Maybe she didn´t recognize how hurt you were? Oh, forget it. You were never good at hiding your feelings. She definelty knows about your feelings, if she didn´t already guess. "I´m so embarrasing, oh my god," you said to yourself, hiding your face in your hands. You decided to check the time. You picked up your phone but the battery was dead. So, you took a look at the clock hanging over the bedroom door. It was 8:20am. You groaned and turned around in your bed. Then you heard the doorbell ring. Screw it, I won´t get up, you thought. Probably just the mail-man anyways. But then the doorbell rang again. And again. And again. This time it rang longer. "God damn it! Who rings a doorbell this often on a Saturday morning? Just leave the stupid parcel at my door!" You got out of the bed, took a quick look into the mirror, put on a black hoodie and opened the front door. It was raining heavily outside and the air was cold. You wanted to say sorry to the mail-man for letting him wait for so long. But it wasn´t the mail-man standing in front of you.

[allkindfangirl]

change I rafe cameron

pairing: rafe cameron x reader warnings: mention of drugs and alcohol summary: in which she can't continue watching the boy she loves ruining himself

You didn't know why you were nervous. It wasn't the first party hosted by Rafes father that you would attend and still, events like those made you kind of nervous.

You felt great in your outfit though. You couldn't wait to throw on the little dark red silk dress and your surprisingly comfortable heels. And of course you were most excited to see your boyfriend Rafe, even though you already saw him yesterday.

The party had already started, but you had to finish some stuff for uni. When you arrived at the Cameron home you could already hear the music coming from the house. Ward was playing some jazz. The house was full of guests, all drinking and having fun.

You made your way through the crowd. Here and there you saw some of Wards friends that you knew and after saying hello to Ward and his wife, you finally saw Rafe. He was sitting on the terrace that was facing the water, surrounded by his friends. You stood there for a couple of seconds just admiring him. He was wearing a white button-up shirt along with black trousers. His hands went through his hair when he laughed about something Topper just said.

When he finally looked up and your eyes met him, his eyes went soft. He stood up and quickly made his way over to you, his hands immediately landing on your hips. "Finally.", he said, then his other hand softly met your cheek, followed by his lips kissing yours. Time stood still for a second and the two of you totally forgot about all those people around you. Your skin was glowing when he pulled away and his eyes met yours again.

"How was your day?", he asked, still looking so deep into your eyes that your heart skipped a beat. "It was okay.", you said quietly, but smiling. There were moments when he was so soft and they mostly only happened when he was with you.

"I'm getting myself something to drink, then we can talk alright?", you asked. He nodded, then kissed your lips again.

You found plenty of stuff to drink in the kitchen. Even though you didn't wanted to drink too much today - mostly because Rafes family was around and you didn't wanted to get negative attention in any way - you took a glass of white wine, the one you and Sarah always loved to drink.

"Look who's here.", you heard that familiar voice. Sarah looked stunning as always. She approached you, then gave you a tight hug. She was happy to see you and to have something like an ally inbetween all those people at the party. Sarah was different from all these people, different than his family and she was happy that you not only were her friend since forever, but that you now also were a part of her family. In you, she had someone who understood her and sometimes helped her escape the world she was born into.

"How's the party?", you asked her. "Don't ask.", she said, rolling her eyes but grinning. "But nothing a drink can't fix."

The two of you chatted for a while, until you realized how much time had passed and that you'd promised Rafe to come back.

"I really have to go and look for Rafe. How's he at the moment?". Even though you as his girlfriend should know best how he was, it wasn't always the case. He did tell you more than anyone else, he was different with you and he knew that you were the only one he could let himself fall around, but still there were things that he hid from you.

"I- I don't know. He doesn't really talk to me or if he does he's just mad."

It didn't surprise you. You knew he was aggressive, obsessive sometimes. You knew he had problems that he tried to fight against. You knew he didn't like your friends and you knew that sometimes he did things that weren't acceptable. Still, he was the love of your life and you somehow tried to change him.

You made your way through the crowd again, looking for Rafe. But he wasn't at the spot you had left him early. You finally found him on the little terrace behind the house, that was more seperated from the rest of the party. You saw him sitting in between Topper and two of his other friends. Your stomach tightened when you saw, what you hoped to never see again. The white powder that was spread on the table in front of them, caught your eyes immediately. Then your eyes met Rafes. "Hey babe.", he slurred out and grinned.

You didn't know what to say. You had been so excited to see him, to spend time with him but you knew that the night had been ruined the second he had taken the powder out of his pocket. He was wasted, and he knew how much you hated it.

Not a word came out of your mouth when you turned around and walked away.

You tried not to let it get to you, tried to calm yourself down and not to be too disappointed in him, even though it was the hardest part since he had promised you. You knew that Rafe probably had only done it because something had upset him, something he had to fight against and still it wouldn't have any impact to confront him and talk to him right now.

"Everything alright?", you heard Sarahs voice, happy to finally find someone you knew.

"I'm done with his shit.", you said, then you felt Sarahs arm around you. The two of you grabbed another drink, then sat down on the opposite side of the terrace. Even though she was Rafes sister you could always talk to her. She understood you. JJ, who was working for Ward this evening, joined the two of you half an hour later during his little break. You were relieved to at least know someone at this party who would catch you and still, with the two of them, you had a good time.

JJ pulled on his joint, then his eyes wandered to something behind you. "He doesn't stop looking at us.", JJ said.

"I don't care at this point.", you scoffed. You meant it, even though it ripped your heart apart. You could literally see his jealous look, almost psychotic eyes in your mind, just like every time he saw you talking to a guy longer than a second.

A minute later you heard his voice behind him. "Y/n." You didn't turn around and just waited for JJ and Sarah to hug you and say goodbye to you. You knew you now had to have this conversation with Rafe, there was no running away.

He sat next to you on the bench. His eyes looked tired, his cheeks were flushed and he couldn't keep eye-contact. "Listen, I'm sorry.", he slurred trying to look you in the eyes.

"I- I know I fucked up again. I let you down. I always let everyone down.", he said and his eyes wandered down to his hands, just so he could hide the tears in his eyes. You didn't know what to say. Yes, he fucked up again and sometimes he did things to fuck it up with everyone around him. On the other hand you knew that it wouldn't do anything good to throw it all against his head and make him feel even worse.

You sighted, then moved closer to him and took his hands in yours to make them stop shaking. "I love you more than anything Rafe.", you said softly. He looked at you, eyes red and teary. Sometimes he couldn't believe your words.

"But- I can't see you ruining yourself. I hate to see you like this. You promised me to stop.", you whispered. He nodded. He knew it was horrible for you too. He knew he had promised you a 100 times that he would change for you. Tonight the two of you had what felt like the 101st conversation about it and again he promised you it would get better and he would change for you.

requests are open xx

masterlist

[mythicalmagical-monkeyman]

‘Kay people liked my last one so here, have another ig lol. Will put full fic under the cut again like last time

Word Count: 3k

Summary:

Izzie: *ball of energy* Cooper: 🧍‍♂️… *internal sobbing*

— or — Ficlet thingy based on an au I have where when Izzie and Mateo’s parents split up the siblings get split up too

Additional Tags:

Songfic, kind of as half of it is basically the lead up to the song. Song: We’ll be Fine from Epic the Musical. Swearing, Bullying, Izzie gets picked on. Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe. Aged-Up Character(s), Cooper and Izzie have a larger age gap, Izzie is 13, Cooper is 17, not important but I felt like I should just add that. Cooper has a built in Garcia sibling is in danger sense. Canon-Typical Violence, Izzie gets in a fight. lots of references. Izzie has ADHD (implied). OOC (?). self indulgent. No beta we die like Cooper and Mateo’s friendship. Dallas being an asshole, Beth being an asshole (and slightly crazy). Weeb is used as an insult but no hate to weebs I’m also kind of one

It was after a particularly calm day of school that Izzie found herself eating a burrito from Mrs Castillo’s food truck while she leaned against a tree in sight of the park playground. 

“Oh Mr Burrito! Mr bean and pickle burrito, why are you so delicious?” Izzie sang to her burrito only to take a massive bite out of it. She hummed as she chewed and it wasn’t long before she had scarfed down the whole burrito. 

The tinfoil that had been wrapped around the burrito crinkled as Izzie wadded it up and then picked up her backpack from its spot by her feet to go throw her trash in one of the park garbage bins. 

Izzie slung her bag over her shoulder as she scurried over to a garbage bin and threw the tinfoil inside. 

“Bye Mr burrito,” Izzie told the tinfoil as it disappeared into the bin. 

Someone snorted from behind her, “Aww, Garcia are you talking to trash again?” 

Izzie’s shoulders rose up to sit beside her ears as she cringed at the voice. 

Oh pickles. 

Slowly Izzie turned around and greeted the people behind her with a bright smile. 

“Heeeey Beth, Dallas, what’s up?” Izzie greeted, her smile had to look so forced. 

Izzie knew Beth from the number of times Izzie had been the butt of Beth’s constant ridicule so the other girl’s red highlights in brown hair and leather jacket look was familiar. The company with Beth, Dallas, however was newerish yet still not someone Izzie had never seen before but the blond in a red jacket that stood quietly a little ways behind both of the brunettes was definitely a new face. 

Beth sighed like she found the idea of small talk tiring, “Look weeb, you got me busted for cheating yesterday and frankly I’m not over it, so either you apologize or me and Dallas here are going to rough you up a little bit, ‘kay?” She explained while leaning forward and flicking Izzie on the forehead. 

Ah, Izzie knew things were going a bit too well for her today, this must have been where her good day came to a screeching halt. 

“Hey come on Beth, if I hadn’t called you out then someone else was just gonna,” Izzie tried to negotiate. 

Beth scoffed, “Really? Who?” 

Izzie chewed the inside of her cheek, ok so she was caught there, no one else in their grade really had the guts to call Beth out for cheating and anyone that did was probably besties with Beth anyways. 

“Alright, alright,” Izzie held up her hands in surrender, “You got me, but can we just … save the ass beating for another day? I have homework to do,” 

Beth and Dallas were silent for a moment like they were actually thinking it over only for both of them to burst out laughing. 

“Are you TRYING to get out of this? ” Beth hissed out between laughs, “This isn’t a punch card situation Garcia.” 

Well you couldn’t blame Izzie for trying. 

“Uhh,” Izzie reached into her pocket trying to find something to fidget with to calm her rising nerves but her fingers only grasped at coins, “Would you back off if I paid you too?” 

Dallas perked up at this, “How much you got?” 

“Dallas!” Beth barked, slapping his chest. 

“What!? I’m just curious,” 

Izzie pulled a quarter and a dime out of her pocket, “Um, 35 cents,” 

Dallas deflated, “That’s like nothing bro,” 

With a defeated sigh Izzie put the coins back in her pocket, “Yeah I know,” 

Beth laughed as she ran her thumb across the tips of her nails, “Spent to much money on weeb shit now did we,”

Izzie opened her mouth to protest but shut it just as fast. Yeah there wasn’t really anything to defend herself on there. 

“Now, enough stalling!” Beth growled, snapping her attention off her nails and instead grabbing Izzie’s wrists and digging her claws into them. 

Izzie bit down a sob, was Beth actually trying to draw blood? She definitely seemed crazy enough to. 

“You are such a little prick, ” Beth bit out, her words laced with venom, “and a bitchy little tattletale that needs to learn what happens when she gets in my way,” 

Izzie tried to hide the whimper that rose in her throat and blearily glanced at the blond haired teen that still stood behind Dallas. He hadn’t moved or even talked the entire time and for a second Izzie wondered if he was actually really there or if he was just some sort of figment of her imagination. People were always telling her she had an overactive imagination. 

The blond haired teen met Izzie’s eyes and his expression turned sour. 

“Really Dallas?” The teen asked, crossing his arms, and Dallas turned in surprise, “This is how far you’ve sunk? This is an insane new low even for you,” 

Dallas stared, “Cooper? Wha- how long have you been standing there?” 

The Cooper guy shrugged, “Long enough,”

At that point Beth had also turned slightly to take in their new company and her grip on Izzie’s wrists had lessened to a degree but that seemed to be exactly what Cooper had been waiting for. He strode forward, yanked Beth’s hands away from Izzie before grabbing Izzie by the backpack and dragging her off to the side. 

“What!? HEY!” Beth protested. 

Cooper rolled his eyes and held up a hand, “Chill you demonic saltine cracker, we’ll be right back.” 

Beth blinked in confusion at the insult Cooper had just thrown at her but by the time her braincells seemed to make another coherent thought Cooper had already pulled Izzie out of earshot. 

Cooper let go of Izzie’s backpack and flipped himself around so the two could speak face to face. 

“Ok here’s the deal, if you want Beth, and by extension Dallas, to leave you alone you’re going to have to fight them, put them in their place. But I understand if you don’t want to fight them, so if you want I can get you outta here but it has to be now alright?” Cooper explained, making small gestures with his hands every once and awhile as if emphasizing his words, “You can’t flake out mid fight.” 

Izzie blinked but a smile quickly split her face as she clenched her fist, “I want to fight them,” 

Cooper took a step back and a look like he was contemplating every decision he had made up until that moment crossed his face, “Wow, you are so much more violent than I remember you being,” 

Izzie squinted at Cooper, “Why’d you say remember? Do we know each other from somewhere?”

Cooper winced, “I-I’ll explain later, first this is how you’re going to win this fight. One you’re going to go over to Beth, look her in the eyes and smile like you’ve been waiting your entire life for this moment and then you’re going to punch her as hard as you can in her throat and then when Dallas comes at you with his big jock routine you’re going to kick him in the nards. And then smack him… with your backpack, got it?” 

Cooper offered Izzie a pleasant smile but Izzie couldn’t help but note the spark of an insane look in his eyes. 

“Hey!” Dallas yelled, causing both Izzie and Cooper to look at him, “We getting this fight on or what!?”

Cooper gave Dallas an annoyed look and turned back to Izzie, “Last chance to back out,” 

Izzie shook her head, “Nah, I’m doing this.” 

“Ok,” Cooper mumbled with a nod, “Just remember what I told you!” 

Izzie nodded excitedly, ignoring how half of what Cooper had told her had already left her brain and walked back over to Beth and Dallas, Cooper trailing behind her. 

With a proud smile plastered on her face Izzie came to a stop in front of Beth. 

Crap, what had Cooper said to do next? 

Izzie thought for a second before shrugging it off and pointing a finger at Beth, “I’m going to win.” 

Honestly Izzie should’ve punched Beth the second she had come back over as Beth took that split second after Izzie finished talking to swing a fist forward, catching Izzie right in the face with it. 

Cooper made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a groan as Izzie stumbled backwards from the force of the punch, “That is not what we talked about,”

Izzie’s hands shot up to her face to hold her nose in pain as Beth gave her a cocky sneer. 

“So much for your chatty little friend over there,” Beth cooed in mockery. 

“That hurt,” Izzie pouted, lowering her hands from her face and taking in the blood that was now on them. 

Beth laughed, “Of course it hurt you dumb weeb!” 

Izzie rightened herself back up, noting the weight of her backpack and suddenly remembered at least one of the things Cooper had told her. 

While Beth was busy laughing to Dallas about Izzie’s seeming stupidity Izzie slung her bag down into her hands and gripped it by the straps. She then swung it at Beth and let go. 

The backpack hit Beth with all its force and knocked her to the ground, cutting off both Beth and Dallas’s laughter. 

Dallas snapped his attention to Izzie in an instant and Izzie’s eyes widened slightly as Dallas took a step forward and swung a fist. 

“Duck!” Cooper yelled and Izzie listened, dropping down and successfully avoiding the fist. 

Izzie then got a bright idea and made a fist which she aimed at Dallas’s gut. 

Dallas grunted and doubled over slightly as Izzie’s fist hit him but it didn’t seem powerful enough to stop him for long. Just as fast as he took damage from the punch he recovered and reached a hand out to grab Izzie. 

With a screech Izzie darted to the side towards Cooper, narrowly avoiding getting grabbed.  

“I tap out!” Izzie screamed as she dove to the grass behind Cooper and into a roll. 

Cooper glanced back at her, “Hu?” 

Izzie came to a stop, ending her roll on her side, and propped her head up on her hand, “I mean I know you wouldn’t hit Beth cause she’s a girl but you can punch Dallas right!?” 

Cooper sighed out an, “Ok,” as Dallas marched over like a fuming bull. Once Dallas was with arms length Cooper kicked Dallas in the shin which only caused Dallas to hiss slightly. 

Izzie’s mouth dropped open in slight confusion, was that it? 

Dallas seemed equally as confused until Cooper jabbed him with his fingers just below Dallas’s sternum. Dallas choked but Cooper wasn’t done. The blond then swung his leg around catching Dallas in the back of the knee which caused Dallas to fall down to his knees where Cooper kneed him in the chin. 

Dallas groaned as Cooper then picked him up by the shirt collar and lifted Dallas up to the point where Dallas was dangling about an inch off the ground.

“Dallas,” Cooper grit out through his teeth, “My old buddy, my old pal, care to tell me why you’ve taken to bullying people younger than you?” 

A bead of sweat trickled down Dallas’s forehead, “Hey, hey look Coop I-I had to ok! Beth … she’s my little cousin! I couldn’t just leave her hanging!” 

Cooper seemed unimpressed, “Uh hu, yeah that still doesn’t justify shitty behavior,” 

Dallas shook, “Ok! Alright! She … she said I had to or she’d tell everyone I like to knit, are you happy now!?” 

With a small smile Cooper put Dallas back down, “Consider this a warning Dallas, don’t let yourself get pushed around.” 

Trembling like a leaf Dallas nodded and stumbled back over to Beth who had just gotten back up. 

“Come on cuz, let’s go,” Dallas told Beth, pulling on her sleeve. Beth scowled at her cousin as she massaged her sternum. 

“Coward,” Beth hissed but she still let herself be dragged away while fixing Izzie with a down right dirty and pissed off look, her face red like a tomato from probably both embarrassment and anger. 

Izzie giggled in a gremlin-like way as she slowly sat herself up. 

“Holy anime! I survived!” Izzie cheered, throwing her arms up with a “whop!”. 

Cooper walked over to her, his eyebrows pinching together in concern, and offered her a hand to help her stand. 

“Are you alright?” 

“I’ve dealt with worse,” Izzie admitted, accepting Cooper’s hand and letting him haul her to her feet. Izzie swiped at the blood on her upper lip.

The concerned furrow deeped. 

“Oh but that was so cool!” Izzie beamed as she wobbled a little, “The way I went ‘HIJA!’ And ‘WACHOW!’ 

With every sound effect Izzie made she included a different fighting action that left Cooper worrying about her losing her balance and falling over, but she proved him wrong and managed to stay on her feet all the way back to her backpack which had been left, discarded, on the ground.  

“And you!” Izzie proclaimed as she scooped up her bag and slipped her arms back through the straps, “that was awesome! You were like a total ninja!” 

Cooper chuckled sheepishly, “Nah, I was just-“ 

“Being awesome,” Izzie insisted, cutting him off. 

“Yeah, ok, I was kind of cool. I’ll admit to that,” Cooper finally caved. 

Izzie snickered and then she made a ‘nyoom’ noise as she set her arms back in a Naruto run before running in a circle around Cooper. 

Cooper stifled a laugh. 

Eventually Izzie slid to a stop in front of Cooper and touched a hand to the blood that had started drying on her face from her bloody nose. 

“Woah, used up too much energy,” Izzie wobbled again and Cooper reached out a hand to steady her but she slapped it away. 

“Ah, ah,” Izzie wagged a finger at him, “I’m fine, also I don’t even know you so it’s weird!” 

Cooper coughed as he rubbed at his slapped hand, “That’s fair,” 

“Mhm mhm, gotta give me them backstory deets first, like one! How do you know me!!” 

Cooper wasn’t sure if he was more scared of Izzie’s seemingly endless energy supply or the look of absolutely cat-like curiosity strewn across her face. 

God he’d really dug his own grave didn’t he? 

With a defeated exhale Cooper glanced down at his shoes nervously before looking back up at Izzie, “Story time it is then, but snacks first.” 

Izzie bounced a few times excitedly. 

———————————

Upon gathering two sodas, a bag of chips, a few chocolate bars, and some wet wipes for Izzie’s bloody nose from a little corner store bodega, Izzie and Cooper retreated to the top of a random five story building via an open fire escape.  

They snacked away, sitting with their backs to the roof ledge, as Izzie pestered Cooper for lore while the blond haired teen did his best to deflect from sharing for a few moments longer. 

“Bro you can’t just not share!” Izzie protested, “You saved my bacon and you’re not going to tell me why!?” 

Cooper stuck a chip in his mouth and chewed slowly, successfully making Izzie even more irked. 

“Come on! What’s so bad about this story?” 

Cooper swallowed and muttered, “Because it’s not a particularly happy story for me,” 

“Oh,” Izzie was quick to back off, sitting back and shoving a fist full of chips in her mouth to hide the embarrassment. 

Cooper offered her a smile as if to tell her it was ok, and then steeled himself as he pulled his knees up to his chest to hug them. 

“I had a friend before, and he was a lot like you. I helped him face his bullies, but he had his demons too. And then… we grew apart then his light went dark,” Cooper explained, his tone sounding dark. His eyes seemed to glaze over as he looked ahead as if he was watching something that wasn’t there. Or perhaps he could remember the memory of what he was saying to such a degree that his brain could recall the memory in perfect detail.  

Cooper went on, “And so, I thought maybe, if I made a different call. Maybe if I hadn't missed it all, maybe, he'd be fine. Maybe we'd unwind. I thought maybe, if I help another soul if I helped you reach your goal life could be that bright,” 

Izzie could tell that Cooper was probably grasping at straws on what to say, and that he was vocal stimming in a way by repeating the word ‘maybe’. 

“I could sleep at night,” Cooper added, looking down at his hands sadly before dragging them down his face.  

Izzie stared, hmm sad boy. Whatever type of falling out Cooper and his friend had seemed to have must have been pretty bad. 

“Well Cooper,” Izzie started, planning on trying her best to make him feel a bit better, “I don't know who your friend is, I don't know what he's like, but my time with you has been awesome,” 

“The best day of my life, ‘cause I got in a fight AND I DIDNT DIE!!” Izzie exclaimed, her eyes gleaming with excitement as she made more sound effects to go with the punches she threw at the air in front of her. 

Cooper’s face scrunched up in concern again as he mumbled to himself, “Oh my god, the bar was so low it’s a tripping hazard in hell,” 

Izzie turned and grinned at him, “I've never felt strong before, you're my friend, I couldn't ask for more! And so, I think maybe, if life wasn't spent as planned. Maybe, it's time that you lend a hand,” 

Izzie shrugged, “I don't think he'll mind, and if not his friend, then mine!” 

Cooper's gaze turned soft as Izzie got up and offered her hand down to pull him, paralleling what Cooper had done for her earlier. 

With all her middle schooler strength Izzie yanked Cooper to his feet, “ Maybe, to fall is to learn one way,” 

“ Maybe, it's all gonna turn out great,” Izzie continued as she brushed past Cooper and hopped up on the roof ledge before turning to face him with outstretched arms, “I know I’ll be fine, I know it's light you'll find!” 

Cooper stayed silent for a few moments as he scanned his eyes across the rooftops of Brooklyn behind Izzie. Finally the glazed look in his eyes went away and he smiled up at her, “You're a good kid,” 

Izzie sat down heavily on the roof ledge and beamed at him, “Thanks!” 

Cooper placed his hands on the roof ledge and leaned forward while biting his tongue, god her similarities to Mateo really felt like a stab in the gut. 

[hsangel64]

bandmates part 4!!

pairings: bass player!ellie x lead singer reader

summary: time for the gig but of course there has to be drama through the bliss

warnings: cussing, a little bit of angst, ellie being a dumb dumb

part 1, part 2, part 3

a/n: i’m going to be posting these more often alongside new things! i’m making a tag list so if you want to be on it comment please!

todays the day of the gig. you were more nervous than usual which is weird because usually you’re fine but you’re sweating buckets right now pacing around your room. you did your makeup and already had your usual punk rock ish attire on. you were running your hands through your hair and pacing back and forth. you couldn’t stop thinking about last night. after you said you had liked ellie, dina and jesse stormed in and we haven’t spoken about it since then.

“hey bee you okay?” you halted your actions and turned to face ellie.

“yeah yeah i’m fine- just fine.” you said and turned back around. you didn’t hear ellie move closer until she put her arms around you and your nerves instantly meddled down. she rested her head on your shoulder and you smiled a little.

“are you sure bee?” she whispered in your ear and your cheeks flushed. ellie turned you around to face her, she put her hand under your chin. you felt like you were in a trance almost. just so focused and entranced by her. she pulled your face to kiss you in the cheek.

“if it’s about yesterday we can talk about it after the show so we aren’t worrying about the show yeah?” you nodded and smiled at her she smiled back and placed a quick kiss to your lips.

“okay we gotta go.”

…

you guys got to the venue about an hour ago and go on second to last. you’re all in the dressing room warming up. you’re walking around doing vocal warm ups, ellie is warming up on bass, dina is warming up vocals and guitar and jesse is doing some arm exercises.

“hey.”

“hey what’s up d?” you stop pacing and turn to dina.

“so don’t be mad-“

“oh god what’s up?”

“cats here…” you whip your head towards the door and see cat and ellie talking. oh god

“why is she here she never comes to our shows?!”

“fuckin beats me…no one wants her here not even ellie-“ you both turned to look and ellie looked at us and mouthed ‘help me’ you both giggled and shrugged your shoulders.

“we go on soon though so get ready.”

“oh shit okay.” you rushed to grab your ear piece and make your way to ellie.

“hey don’t mean to interrupt but i need help getting set up. els please?”

“oh yeah of course.” you lifted the back of your shirt to have her hook up the ear piece to your skirt. you and cat made eye contact and she gave you a disgusted look and you just smiled at her. you thanked ellie and let her know that we’re on in about 10.

you made your way back over to your things and made sure you had everything. you grabbed your water and followed everyone else to the side of the stage.

“you ready?”

“ready as i’ll ever be.” you smiled at ellie and made your way on stage. this is the time ellie watches you the most. she can’t take her eyes off of you actually. ellie will always be looking over at you while you sing, you just look so passionate about singing. ellie is so in love with you.

…

you guys had sang four of your own songs and have one more left. you were sweaty and your throat was killing you but the show much go on.

“how’s everyone doing tonight?” you yelled and the crowd yelled back at you.

“we only have one more song for you tonight and it’s a little different than usual. this song means quite a bit to me as it’s about a very important person.” everyone cheered and you grabbed some water because the music started up again.

i’ve never known someone like you

tangled in love, stuck by you from the glue

don't forget to kiss me or else you'll have to miss me

i guess I'm stuck forever by the glue, oh, and you

it didn’t take long to put two and two together that you and ellie had something going on. you and ellie were staring at each other the whole time while singing the song.

finding the right words to use for this song

i have you in mind so it won't take so long

never thought I'd find you but you're here

and so I love you

not once did you two look away from each other.

i’m not wrong

when I say I've been stuck

by the glue onto you

i’ve been stuck by glue

right onto you

i’ve been stuck by glue

you guys finished the song and everyone cheered. you were smiling from ear to ear so much it hurt. you guys ran off stage and all cheered with each other.

“that was probably our best show yet!!”

“let’s go get drinks !!” jesse yelled and pulled dina to the dressing room. leaving you and ellie alone.

“you did a great job bee. i’m so proud of you.” she threw her arm around your shoulders.

“thank you els i think the song was a crowd hit.”

“oh it absolutely was! it all came together you sounded amazing.” she pulled you closer and kissed your head. everything felt perfect but of course it just can’t last.

you guys walked back to the dressing room and just outside cat was waiting. she caught a glimpse of ellie and ran to her, she hugged her and basically pushed you away. you rolled your eyes and scoffed at her.

“hey i’ll catch up with you guys in a bit let me just talk to cat.” she smiled at you and you nodded walking into the room. you audibly groaned.

“what’s wrong?”

“cat of course is sooo happy to see ellie.” you rolled your eyes and started to get your things together.

“oh jesus.” dina rolled her eyes. “come on let’s just get everything together so we can leave.” you nodded and grabbed your bag and put away your things in a case. you guys started to make your way to the car to put things away. you were the first to walk out, remember when you said everything was perfect?

you turned the corner and lo and behold cat and ellie are kissing. you let out a small gasp and just stood frozen.

“what’s wrong?” dina came out of the room and looked at the two.

“oh honey…” she pulled you in and you just stood there shocked simply because just earlier ellie was so lovey with you even asking to talk about what you guys were after the show.

“let’s go come on.” dina pulled you away and let jesse know that you guys weren’t going to come back in. you now had tears in your eyes trying not to openly sob in this hallway.

“you’re a fuckin idiot ellie.” dina stopped you both and you looked at ellie. she whipped her head around to dina wondering why the hell she’s saying this and then looked at you seeing you crying.

“what happ-“ before she could even finish dina pulled you away to the car. it feels like the world is in slow motion there’s so much going on. you want it to stop. you want everything to go back to normal.

…

@gold-dustwomxn

[luckyloops]

Swimming pool protector! ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

A little something for @fanaticsnail featuring her OC Tobiuo, inspired by the wonderful comic she drew for me yesterday.

₊˚⊹♡

It wasn’t quite the ocean, but for today, it would do. Eyes closed, water lapping against her skin, Tobiuo floated on the surface of the outdoors pool, her arms outstretched, facing up to the sky. Summer was here, and in the absence of a balmy sea breeze to help cool the crew off, the Heart Pirates would occasionally beg their Captain to allow them to visit the local pool of whatever town or city they were docked in. And, after one too many hours of trying and failing to focus on paperwork in his stuffy office aboard the Tang, Law would relent and agree to go. 

The world was a muted, fuzzy blue behind Tobiuo’s closed eyelids, the last rays of afternoon sun making patterns in her closed vision as she relaxed further into the feeling of the water. Now, if only someone were playing some music, this would be absolutely perfect. 

Instead of music, Tobiuo’s hearing was almost shattered by a piercing scream. The security officer of the Heart Pirates had unmatched instincts and it took mere seconds for Tobiuo to turn onto her front and cut through the water to the source of the noise. Her arms gripped the slippery, cool tiles of the side of the pool, tensing, then relaxing into an amused disbelief. 

“Shachi, you jackass!” Penguin was screaming his head off, shivering and dripping from head to toe. Shachi was beaming from ear to ear, kicking aside the bucket that had previously been filled with ice and cold water for keeping drinks fresh- water that was now sliding down Penguin’s pale and goosebump-prickled body. “What’s the matter?” Shachi shrugged nonchalantly. “I thought Penguins liked cold water? I’m just helping you acclimatise, bro!” 

“Bro? Don’t bro me, you-” Penguin grabbed Shachi in a headlock, clearly set on revenge, when a sharp whistle made their heads snap up to the source of the noise. Tobiuo, her chin resting in her hand, elbow on the edge of the pool as she surveyed the two idiots, raised her eyebrow. 

‘Careful. It’s slippery.’ She signed, giving them a pointed look. Penguin reluctantly released Shachi, but not without tweaking his ear. 

“Yeah, whatever.” The darker haired man grumbled. “Thanks for looking out for our safety, Tobiuo.” Shachi gave her a big thumbs up, and a big shit eating grin to Penguin. Tobiuo smirked in amusement. These two never failed to entertain, and, ever the tease herself, she made a mental note to help Penguin get Shachi back later. 

Mila sat in the dim changing room. She was worrying away at her lip, and then, conscious that it might bleed, started worrying away at her nails instead. She had triple checked the address of the pool that Tobiuo had invited her to meet at, and with her keen senses, she could smell that the Heart Pirates were here anyway, so there was no use doubting if she was in the right place. There was a particular scent to each of them, and a particular noise. In the distance she heard what sounded like Penguin screaming for his life. Mila had no idea how she was going to maintain looking professional learning how to swim around clients of hers, but she tried to soothe herself by leaning into the feeling that she was really starting to consider Tobiuo a friend, and it seemed to Mila that Tobiuo felt the same. She wouldn’t have invited her here otherwise, so Mila knew she didn’t have an excuse. She just had to leave the changing room. Mila looked in the mirror for a quick check that the waterproof plaster she had on was still covering her scarred nose, preferring to look harmlessly clumsy to her clients than inept enough to have injured herself like that. One finger smoothed the plaster down, and then she turned and walked out into the golden, heat blurry, afternoon. 

Tobiuo was the first to notice someone else had joined them. It made sense, since not only was she always semi on guard for danger, but she had been expecting Mila to show up. Mila’s attention caught with a whistle, Tobiuo waved, then swam towards the messenger. Mila could do little but stare at the Fishwoman. Tobiuo swam so effortlessly, barely disturbing the water, casual and serene and entirely perfect as she moved through her element, surfacing and getting out of the pool, as she tried not to drip water on Mila’s wide eyed face. 

“Hullo,” Mila smiled up at Tobiuo. “Thank you for inviting me.” She spoke with her usual polite lilt, before hesitantly bringing her hand up to just before her mouth and then extending it forward, signing a practiced ‘thank you’ to Tobiuo. Tobiuo’s smile widened down at the messenger. Mila looked like a walking advert for a swimming safety catalogue. She had thick diving goggles stuck to her head, making her pink hair bunch up awkwardly, and big orange arm floats stuck just below her shoulders. Unsure of a suitable dress code, Mila had gone for a simple white tankini, though she was now admiring the gorgeous cut of Tobiuo’s sleek swimsuit with a heart shaped hole at the center. Tobiuo nodded at Mila, before retrieving a notepad from her nearby bag.

‘Are you ready to learn how to swim?’ Tobiuo wrote. 

“Yes. No. Maybe!” Mila laughed briskly, her hands fidgeting at her sides, eyes wandering to the lapping blue water of the pool. Bepo was swimming laps up and down, little goggles protecting his eyes from the chlorine, as adorable as ever. Ikkaku was sunning herself on a deckchair, a drink of some description in one hand, cool sunglasses framing her face as she relaxed in the distance. In the chair beside her sat the Captain of the Heart Pirates, a towel around his neck, his eyes squinting from the sun as he focused on his book. Mila very quickly looked back up at Tobiuo, wishing to remain unnoticed by the rest of the crew for as long as possible. Tobiuo cocked her head to one side, a smile playing on her lips.

‘Don’t be embarrassed.’ She wrote. ‘Or scared. I promise I will teach you, but I can’t if you’re wearing those. Can you trust me?’

By those, Mila knew Tobiuo meant the arm floats. 

“I-” Before she could finish her sentence, a familiar voice rang out.

“No way, Cottontail?!” Shachi and Penguin approached them, distracted from their play fighting by Mila’s arrival. 

“Penguin, Shachi,” Mila bobbed her head to them both, trying to be polite despite her growing mortification. “Afternoon.” Tobiuo stood next to Mila, a wary eye on the two boys. 

‘I invited her. We can talk later, but we’re busy right now.’ Tobiuo signed to them. 

“Yeah sure, sure,” Shachi waved his hand. “Hey, Cottontail, what’s with the gear?” He squinted at her. 

“I can’t swim.” Mila stated flatly. “Sure. I mean, no Devil Fruit user ca- ohhh…” Penguin cut himself off. “Seriously?”

‘Seriously’ Tobiuo signed at the boys. Their antics often amused her, but now wasn’t the time. ‘Give us some space.’

“Can we help?!” Shachi offered, a big grin on his face. 

“Yeah! We can totally help!” Penguin nodded, squeezing his hands into first excitedly. Mila looked desperately at Tobiuo. There was nothing she wanted less right now than “help” of any kind from those two.

‘Boys,’ Tobiuo had a daring, but resolute look on her face as she signed to them. ‘If you don’t give us a little room now, I’ll help the two of you right into the water. Ok?’ she smiled very sweetly at them, pale eyes gleaming. 

Penguin and Shachi both raised their hands in defensiveness.

“Sure, sure!” Penguin laughed nervously. 

“C’mon, Pen.” Shachi grinned, the two of them slinking away to go and tease or bother someone else. 

“Thankyousomuch” Mila breathed out a sigh of relief, looking up at Tobiuo, a few strands of rosy hair falling across her eyes as her gaze flickered between the Fishwoman and the pool beside her. “I’m…ready.” 

Tobiuo sat down on the edge of the pool, putting her legs in the water and motioning for Mila to do the same. Mila tensed at the feeling of the warm water on her skin, the two of them sitting there in silence for a few moments. Mila couldn’t even remember the last time she’d actually been submerged in water at all. A bath, maybe, but when was the last time she’d had access to the privilege of a bath? She shivered lightly, and Tobiuo reached out to place a reassuring hand on her knee. 

‘I’ll keep you safe.’ The note in her free hand said. ‘You’re in no danger, but you are under my protection anyway.’

Mila looked away, her amber eyes as wide as dinner plates as she struggled for an appropriate response to such overwhelming and freely given kindness from the wonderful woman beside her. The messenger dug her nails into her thighs, then fidgeted with her swimsuit, before settling on twiddling with her hair as she mulled things over. Mila was never still. The solitary life she led meant that not only was no one there to make her slow down, but her job demanded constant activity. A tightly, tightly wound rubber band of a young woman stuffed behind a clumsy act of professionalism, Mila hadn’t a clue why Tobiuo- the striking, dancing, teasing Tobiuo, would be interested in befriending her. Tobiuo’s presence was like a balm- Mila’s presence was like untied shoelaces. At first Mila was convinced their relationship was purely transactional. Beyond Tobiuo’s Captain being a client of Mila’s, Mila knew that Tobiuo valued her services for delivering little notes and presents between the Fishwoman and her sweetheart from the Kid Pirates crew. She assumed that was why Tobiuo took an interest in her- it was a business thing. Business things meant Mila didn’t really have the chance to create meaningful connections outside of her work, but this wasn’t work. This was a pool, and there was no mistaking Tobiuo’s candid words for anything other than words of care and of friendship. 

“I trust you.” Mila’s voice was a little strained, and she couldn’t even look at Tobiuo when she said it, but she meant her words very sincerely. With a reassuring squeeze to the messenger’s knee that matched the squeeze in Tobiuo’s heart at winning the ever skittish Mila over somewhat, the Fishwoman slipped into the water to bring over a pool float, patting it for Mila to get on. The water at this end of the pool was incredibly shallow, and bolstered by the knowledge that at least she’d be able to stand up if she fell in, Mila pulled her bulky arm bands and goggles off, before scooching cautiously onto the float. She yelped a little as it dipped into the water under her weight, catching Tobiuo’s arm who steadied her with patience and a little amusement. 

“Don’t- don’t let go?” Mila’s soft voice broke into a bit of a squeak under the pressure of the situation. Tobiuo nodded graciously, though she couldn’t resist flicking a few drops of water at her friend. Mila made an indignant noise, her amber eyes full of worry. 

“To-bi-uo!” She sounded out every syllable, tentatively splashing a little water back, much to Tobiuo’s delight. Simply pulling the pool float along behind her as she swam, Tobiuo and Mila started small, simply getting used to the feeling of buoyancy. Mila eventually relaxed enough to let her fingers trail in the water, and even very bravely didn’t get hysterical as Tobiuo dragged her along over to the deep end. Mila watched how Tobiuo did it, her scars rippling as they moved with her toned body. She quietly thought to herself how she wasn’t surprised that Tobiuo had caught the eye of a fierce pirate like Heat. Tobiuo was fierce too, and kind, and, Mila thought, really very pretty. 

They practiced all afternoon, Mila’s confidence growing, ignoring the banter and chaos of the other Heart Pirates as Tobiuo helped her learn the very basics of keeping yourself afloat in the water. As the sun dipped below the horizon, Tobiuo had finally gotten Mila to float on her back, floating right next to her and holding her hand to keep her steady. The two of them were looking up at the stars, hair haloed out in the water around their heads like pink and blue jellyfish. Mila’s breath was coming a little shallowly, and a reassuring squeeze to her hand made the messenger take a big breath.

“Sorry. I’m not- not scared.” Mila let out a little laugh, keeping her gaze up at the sky. “I’m actually really excited.” There was a small pause. “Thank you so much for being so nice to me.”

Tobiuo broke out into a smile, squeezing her friend's hand once more. Tobiuo wanted to tell Mila how it was incredibly easy to be nice to her, and for now hoped her presence was enough to show it. 

A little while later, Tobiuo and Mila were back at the side of the pool, trailing their legs in the water. The lack of sun lended a small nip to the air, and Mila had a big towel around her shoulders now, as Tobiuo sat next to her and wrung some water out of her dark blue hair. Mila finally stood with a big sigh, looking a little tired, but still smiling a gap-toothed, proud smile at Tobiuo.

“I should probably go. I have to work tomorrow, and I still need to find somewhere to eat tonight. Tobiuo…” Mila hesitated, before throwing her arms around her neck and giving her a big squeeze. “I’ve had so much fun.” Mila mumbled. It wasn’t professional to hug clients. But it was ok to hug friends. Tobiuo was a friend. Tobiuo made a noise of appreciation, standing up to fully envelop the smaller woman in a hug, before pulling away to pull out her notepad. 

‘You’ve done extremely well.’ Tobiuo wrote. 

“Thank you, thank you,” Mila squirmed on her feet, fidgeting with her hands at the joy of being praised.

‘But, what do you mean you’re going?’ Tobiuo held up the note, arching an eyebrow with a playful gleam in her pearly eyes. ‘Aren’t you staying for dinner with us?’ 

Mila’s brain short circuited, quite overwhelmed from delight at the idea, and it was all she could do to finally gasp out a very pitchy “yes!”. 

[blindrapture]

TUESDAY JULY 26TH, 2011 (See, the Thing is...)

7:29 AM I'm awake earlier than the others. I sneaked out of bed, letting Donnie sleep, and came to the kitchen so I could just.. be alone with my headache. EAT told me so much last night. Why did I have to drink?

7:31 AM Going over it. The Ciphers are still bad, that hasn't changed, but now word has spread that they exist at all and so another group of people has come to California in hopes of finding the right rabbit hole. EAT said they're motorcyclists. Bikers. If I had to guess, and I do, they're those bikers that we saw yesterday. They're here in the city. So that's something to do today. More worryingly, the RAF are working for the Archangel. That's.. definitely bad. Also probably worth looking into, verifying for myself? Frankly I trust EAT on it, but maybe I shouldn't??? EAT did also tell me… Well. She didn't get all that specific. She? They? EAT. I didn't really let EAT elaborate. But, Donnie's still alive, so the Thing that Cody had done with her wasn't kill her. I think I took a solid guess when I was drunk. I think EAT saw them kiss. Or more, y'know, but let's just leave this at a kiss. Hell, maybe it wasn't even a kiss! Maybe they made fun of me behind my back! Maybe they made a pact! Maybe they played Scrabble! Maybe all of the above!

7:35 AM It doesn't matter. I don't know the whole story. And it wouldn't matter even then. I'm here to do a thing. I'm here to find Bones, and stop those bikers. And I'm all out of Bones. I'm gonna do some work by myself today.

7:38 AM Left the house. No one heard. Taking the car.

8:02 AM Been driving around. It's still early, few people are up and about. I'm looking for bikes. Or I'm looking for a construction site.

8:08 AM Pulled over to have a look at some graffiti. It's a bunch of symbols. They're arranged, like they're making a picture. An eye. Above a bunch of rectangles with music notes. Above a lot of smaller rectangles. Buildings? "RAPTURE IS COMING." Yeah. I am too. Better watch out.

8:09 AM Look at this city. There are still phone booths. Those were already becoming obsolete. They're still here even when the dollar isn't. ..the sky is flickering.

8:25 AM Visitacion. The school. Gonna find that window.

8:31 AM The sun's coming in through the windows, making it possible to see where I'm going.

8:34 AM There's the classroom. There's the candle, its remnants melted on the floor. But Jackie is gone. It's possible Tiger, or one of his friends, came back here and found her. It's possible she's buried now. It's also possible that they never did. If Cody shot her, he might have been the one to come back and cover his tracks. Or maybe he told someone he trusted. Like Heaven. Or like.. something else.

8:35 AM I never knew you, but I might be the only one who knows what happened to you. Maybe I should tell Donnie. But. Does she still love him?

9:11 AM People are starting to walk the streets in numbers. It's that time of day. I've passed food stalls, cafes, preparing for service. Stores with clothing in the window that looks homemade. We still have knitters and seamstresses. I saw a computer repair store. A sign outside said they unlock phones too. I haven't seen any construction. I haven't seen any police. And I haven't seen any banks, not even for that Z. But right now I'm staring at something I didn't expect to see. A movie theater. Unless they're playing The Murder of Gonzago, I don't think I'll get much use out of it. All the same, I find myself gravitating towards it. These places are a cultural cornerstone. A way to kill time, for those who don't take stories seriously. And a way to think things through, for those who do.

9:15 AM They're charging Z for showings, but I think the kid at the counter recognized me from the Party House, he just waved me in. What's on soon? Lots of comedies. Shaun of the Dead. The Terminal. The Sting. The Italian Job. And then there's an odd one out. The Thing.

11:00 AM Huh. That movie was way less scary than it had any right to be. Practical effects have come a long way since then. In the end, it was more of a.. Whodunnit with cool vibes.

11:04 AM Hang on. I was getting back in the car when I thought I recognized someone. And yeah. Heaven's out in town, heading somewhere. It must be that time of day. … If I want to do this, I've got to be smart about it. Leaving my hat, coat, and scarf in the car. Taking a different shirt from the pile we have in the back.

11:09 AM She hasn't actually been looking behind her at all. Like she doesn't care about, or at least doesn't expect, being followed.

11:11 AM I wish… Honestly? I wish I can find Salmacis again. EAT would be a valuable asset right now.

11:21 AM There is a construction site. I've never driven around this part of the city. Failure on my part. But there's a lot of streets here in downtown. You kinda get into habits of where to check. No signs anywhere clarifying the construction company. Some white vans parked, filled with rebar and scaffolding. This is, or was, gonna be another skyscraper. It doesn't look like anyone's here now working on it. Just the one woman walking in, no hard hat. Following her further is gonna be tough, as there's no plausible excuse for it. Watching from a distance for now.

11:23 AM She walked up some stairs, and now I see her on the skeletal second floor. No walls. She's just standing around now. Waiting?

11:25 AM No, it looks like she's been talking to someone up there. But I see no one else.

11:26 AM ...Cody just turned the corner nearby. He's on his way. Uh. Uh. Uh. Bail. Gotta bail.

11:27 AM I uh I just booked it. Got around a corner. When I peeked back around the corner, Cody was absolutely just standing still, looking in my general direction, eyes wide. I. I think he clocked me.

11:42 AM Getting back to the car was kinda confusing, but I kept a brisk pace and took side streets. I'm here. My stuff's still here. Okay. Fuck. Okay. Next order of business.

11:59 AM home. please still be there, Donnie.

12:01 PM Donnie!!! "Oh, you're back!" Donnie, we've gotta, uh. Come to the car with me! "Wha?"

12:02 PM Donnie, listen. I have learned some things. "What things? What did you find?" ...god how do I. The RAF are working for Archie. "They're…" We can't stay here. We need to find the bikers and get out. "Bikers?" There's another group of people going after the last Cipher. They're those bikers. "..yeah, I remember seeing them…" We've got to stop them, and we're better off leaving this city altogether. Whatever the RAF have planned can't be good. "How do you know this?" I.. went looking around on my own. "Yeah? What did you see?" Heaven goes out every day to a construction site and talks with.. Archie. "Really? That.. sounds serious." And Cody goes there too. I think he spotted me. "That's why you're in a rush?" Yeah. "Well... do you think maybe, if we talked to Cody, he might explain?" Donnie… "There might be another reason Heaven's talking to a Fear. Maybe Cody came to save her or back her up!" No, Donnie, listen, Cody's... not good. "What?" He. He shot Jackie. Two days ago, when I went out to help him and Tiger. "Jordan, how…" He, he split us up, he went off alone with Jackie, he even showed me his gun before he left, and later that night I found Jackie, dead, with a bullet hole in her head! D: "And. But." It was in an abandoned school! I don't think anyone else knew she was there! But Cody mentioned the school to us before we split up! "Jordan." Please, Donnie, I know he did it, I know he was the one, I've.. been freaking out about this for days now. "Jordan…" ....yeah? "Jordan, I.. I believe you." … "He can be hot-headed. And he takes protection very seriously. I can believe that he thought Jackie did something to endanger us, and he.. may have killed her. I can believe it because he told me." He. … "He told me yesterday, after I came home. He had been wracked with guilt over it. He was close to shooting himself. But I talked him out of it." Well. Well what did he say was the reason? "He said that Jackie was working for the Archangel." ...no… "I know. It was hard to hear, that a Fear had gotten so close to us." No, Donnie, please, it was a lie. "Well, how can you be so sure?" Because EAT told me! "...EAT told you?" Yes! Last night, after you went home! A Camper came to the Party House! I took it away so people wouldn't know we were talking, you know how these people get with Fears, but EAT's good! EAT's on our side! "......" EAT told me about the bikers, about the RAF, about Archie! I told EAT about Cody, I didn't get that from her! "'Her.'" Please, Donnie, please, I need your trust in this. >_< "You.. couldn't have trusted me to come with you today?" That's... something else. "Well, I'm listening." ..I really don't want to say it. >__< But. Okay. Look. As a demonstration of trust, okay? "Thank you." EAT told me that you and Cody... well. okay. being totally honest, EAT didn't actually tell me what you and Cody do. EAT was probably going to, but I cut her off, because I assumed what it was. "...and what do you assume?" ...love? "...I see." she's getting out of the car, WAIT "Just. Give me a minute. Okay?" Okay...

12:07 PM She got back in. "I don't know.. what EAT saw. Cody has been trying to get intimate with me, trying to.. bring back what we used to have, but in person now. It's clear he wants it. He has kissed me." Okay. "It sounds like we've had a breakdown of trust. You and me." she's.. pale. Maybe. It does feel like a breakdown. "First of all, I appreciate what you are doing here, a little late, but I think I understand what you were going through. I appreciate that you're demonstrating trust now." Thank you. ._. "Second, I.. think I feel less trust for you these days than I have before. I have responsibility in this." ...ah. "It's.. the Fears, Jordan. I'm really not comfortable with you running headfirst into the Fears every chance you get. Initiating conversations with them when you don't even know what they're capable of or what they want to do right then in that moment." ...and EAT. ._. "Oh yeah. Definitely EAT." … "But." … "But I think I see why you trust EAT." You do? "It has not been hostile to us, not once. It has initiated the conversations and treated us with respect, or something like respect. I still think it's possible that it has ulterior motives, that it just wants you to do what it says, and it picked a non-violent way to do so. But... even that is better than the other Fears." It feels like EAT's experiencing all this with us. "Like EAT is your peer?" Well. Yes and no. Honestly, it feels like EAT is a big enough thing that it can be the peer to things on multiple levels of... power. Like that's just the result of its, like... size? "You really trust this thing." I mean, I am also ready to run, or if I have to, fight, if a Camper ever does turn against us. I'm not.. blind to this. "But you. You trust it." I trust EAT. And I trust you, Donnie. And, listen, you came first. "...okay." Okay? "Yeah. I think we can still continue to talk about this over time, this is an ongoing process." It's our relationship. o: "And. I do want to say. And I want you to listen to this. ...I did consider, um, getting back with Cody. I did consider it." ...I'm listening. "I did talk to him about you, about your.. gung-ho approach. I told him in confidence that it makes me anxious to see the Fears all talking to you. And that's what it is, it's anxiety. It's a scary sight, to see someone I care about surrounded by monsters. And you.. welcome it." I wouldn't say… "…" ...no, actually, yeah, you're right. Well articulated. "Thank you. It is scary, and it does mean that I have to seriously consider what would happen if, one of these times, you welcome your own death. In that case, yes, I would have to start welcoming.. someone else. And that is the conversation I had with Cody." The one that led to him kissing you? "Well, actually, I said all this after I rebuffed his kiss. Because, you... belligerent jackass, that day hasn't actually happened. You're a fucking riddle. You don't ever welcome your death. You welcome threats and then always manage to avoid death. It's terrifying to be around, but it's only terrifying because I fucking love you." I understand. "I'm not finished! Because it's not even your fault that it's terrifying! San Francisco makes us forget this a little, but there's a red sky out there! Life has changed, maybe forever! The threats are there, and if you didn't welcome them, you'd react by cowering in fear, freezing in place, and waiting for the first one to come and bite your head off! Your infuriating nature is what's kept you alive and able to protect others." ... .w. It's. It's as you say. It's not like I wanted this responsibility. I'm dealing with the cards I'm given. "Yeah. I know, sweetheart." Thank you so much for. Talking to me. "Thank you for the same."

12:10 PM But. So. Do you believe me about the rest of it? "Well, the question is if I believe EAT." Yeah. "A bunch of bikers looking for the Cipher, okay, that's just wacky enough, I don't see why EAT would make that up. That sounds like a priority." Yeah! "The RAF working for the Archangel... that's a harder pill to swallow. I'm sorry." No, I get it. I mean, heh, you want a good punchline here? I may have stretched the truth when I said I saw Heaven talking to Archie. I didn't even see. So I get it. All I have are little details, and EAT tying them together in a neat narrative. "Ah, of course." Yeah. "...so what did you actually see?" It. It's weird. I saw her talking, but there was no one there. She went all this way, to a construction site in the middle of the city, to just stand around and talk to the air. "............huh." ..what? "Cody may have.. warned me about this. He said Heaven has been acting strangely. And.." … ..Donnie? "He's here."

12:12 PM We got out of the car, because Cody's coming up to the house. He sees us. Is indignant. "Donnie! What is that little shit telling you?" Hey! donnie "He's been very open with me, and I've been talking him out of some suspicions." "'Suspicions!' Huh! Yeah, I'll bet! What were you doing with Heaven, kid? What the fuck were you doing?" I wanted to see where she goes every day! I saw her talking to someone who isn't there! That's all I saw! "Then why the fuck did you run from me?" Because I! Didn't know what you were gonna do! What did you tell me the other day, it's best to hold onto some uncertainty. he's scoffing. "Do you wanna know what I think? Donnie, do you want to know what I think?" "I—" pointing at me "I think he's duping us. He's in league with one of them. He's—" noticing "he's writing all this shit down? Why would you want to write down a fucking argument? Who are you giving this to? You little parasite!"

(This journal has a clear shoe print on it.)

12:16 PM he grabbed my shirt. shook me around. I told him my journal is my own. he slapped it out of my hand and it fell on the ground, and we had a fight. I told him I knew he shot Jackie as he punched me. He accused me of leading the Fears to the city, and then of causing "this whole damn business" by going into the rabbit holes, getting the Ciphers. I let myself fall and grabbed his legs and pulled him down to the ground with me and hit him back. Donnie was shrieking at him and telling us to stop. "He didn't do anything," she said, over and over. Then she went silent for a bit, and it was just me and Cody fighting for an amount of time. Then we heard a gun cock, and Cody stopped hitting me to look up and see Donnie pointing her rifle at him. "Donnie, put that down. Put that down now. Don't be crazy." "Get up. Leave him alone." "Donnie, is he even who you think he is?" "Get the fuck up. I will shoot you right here." And he got up. Put his hands up. Tried again to talk her into putting the rifle down. She told him to get fucked. "You need to calm down. We need to talk." "I'm all for talking. Okay. We can talk." And then she led him into the house. Told me to wait out here. And when they were inside, I picked up my journal again and wrote it all down. This wasn't my first fistfight. Writing it down afterward is what I do. Remembering them afterward is what I do. Maybe it helps me process it. Maybe it just imprints it on my mind. I haven't really figured that one out yet. Oh god. Just. Gonna sit here for a while.

12:20 PM God. Oh god. Just. Remembering old ones. I fought similarly then. I'm not afraid of bigger men than me. That's one of my dumbest qualities. I'm sorry, Donnie.

(Tearstains.)

12:22 PM "You are bleeding. Do you require assistance?" huh? it's. it's you. "It's me." in.. sunglasses? "I have been walking around this city for twelve hours, passing many humans, even humans in groups, and the most any of them did was smile at me. The sunglasses work." right, of course. so the eyes are the part you can't change. the rest of you just looks like a regular lady. with blue hair dye. that's smart. "I got the idea from you last night." you did? "Not directly. Your behavior was transparent. This body holds a combination of traits that fits into social expectations, to the point that you were openly flirting with me." well, don't.. say that so loud here. I was drunk. I'm sorry for treating you that way. "You helped me. And I don't really desire an apology. Your behavior is information." ...thanks, EAT. :) "You have called me Salmacis before. Resume using that name." Okay! c: "It is the name I chose for myself." It's a wonderful name, Salmacis. It's my favorite Genesis song. "Yes, there was such a song on the Exodus, wasn't there?" Yeah. That's the last time I've heard it, I think. ..what are you doing here? "I have located the motorcyclists." ...OH! Oh shit! o: "I have been observing them, and I do not believe they will listen to this body. Furthermore, as long as they are surrounded by the public, I cannot just overpower them, as that would require extending this body to levels that cannot be disguised." And you can't just bring in, say, a big male Camper? Or even a bunch of them? "I have some such Camper on the way here, as a contingency, but it will take time before they arrive. I need your help on this one." Huh. Would have expected you to be more efficient, having many types of Camper on reserve near many cities or something. Aren't cities usually, like. On water? "I am not all water. And.. yes, the efficiency measure has occurred to me. I didn't have this one ready. Okay?" Hey, didn't mean to criticize. Please, I would love to help you. "Excellent. Then come." Well! I will have to consult Donnie. "Where is she?"

12:26 PM I didn't really have it in me to tell the story out loud. So, at the risk of making another stupid decision, I let Salmacis read my journal. "I see." So, to answer your first question, yeah, I required assistance. I needed someone to keep me company and take my mind off of.. waiting. "I can do that. I can do waiting." .w. "If they come out, and I am here, do you have a plan or an explanation?" I don't think either of them has seen this Camper. Keep your glasses on, and I'll... say you're a friend from the Party House. "Do I need a fake name?" I'll call you Sally. :) "..is it the best idea, to lie to Victoria after your prior conversation?" I'm not gonna leave her in the dark for long. If Cody's with her, she'll understand the need for discretion. How well can you do an impression of a... well, not you? "What inflection would be best? Cool and aloof? Awkward sincerity? Confident sincerity? Personally driven? Socially competitive?" Hmm. Give me an example of cool and aloof. "No thanks." Perfect, that one. You shouldn't need to speak much, though. You're just my friend who is here to tell me where the bikers are. "That is not a lie." Exactly!

12:29 PM Cody left the house first, Donnie immediately behind him. Cody immediately asked "Who are you?" This is Sally. She's come from the kids' house with news for me. donnie "Oh yeah? What's up?" sally. "I was asked by the others to tell you that we've, like. Found your bikers." lazily looking between donnie and her own fingernails. nice. Yes, I had them put out a search today. donnie "That's smart." How did the talk go? ...she's looking at sally. Uh. You'd better go. Sorry. sally "Oh. Sure. Nice seeing you, Jordan." holy shit, called by my actual name? and there sally goes. walking around the corner. god I hope she stays around. they... stay around?

12:34 PM ..so? ..Donnie's glancing at Cody. Cody muttered an apology. Look, man, it's. I'm sorry for running from you. I didn't know who to trust. I get that I made things seem even sketchier. Probably made things worse. "Heaven doesn't tell me what she does out there. She and I are supposed to be a team on this, and she stopped letting me in on that. And.. Donnie tells me you know about Jackie." I found her body. "She…" … ..yeah? "She was working with the Fears, man." … "I'm telling you. She was acting suspicious as all hell." Well, like what? You do actually have to be specific on this one. You killed a teenage girl. ...grimace. "I did. I know. She let it slip. The kids, out there in that house... a lot of them went to the same school, and there was a.. a fucking cult hanging around there. The Hopeful Visitation of Christ. I'd known about this for a while, they were around before the red sky, and they already got chased out of the city because they were too obvious about it. Their pamphlets were downright bloodthirsty. And they were trying to get kids to bring their parents to... look, it's not important. But it was too late. Some of the kids at that school had listened, still held onto those pamphlets and their messaging. I didn't even realize until Jackie.. showed me her knife. She wasn't threatening me with it, she thought it was a cool thing, she wanted to impress me. And I asked her why she had it, and she told me all about the games that her friends were playing. Games of 'Who will survive the Rapture?' 'Who deserves to survive the Rapture?' She thought it was all edgy jokes, because that's what all the kids think. Jesus, they were spreading blood libel and talking about skull shape. I don't even know where they got that kind of…" o_o "..anyway. Tell you the truth, I was proud of Jackie for telling me this. I thought she was confiding in a trusted adult. ...then she confided more. She'd killed too. She'd killed, and a voice in her head told her to kill again." staring at me "It was self-defense. Okay?" ...okay. "I don't want you guys getting on my ass about this. It sucks enough as it is. Now, I would ask for your help on looking into Heaven's activities, but I think you were way too conspicuous running away. 'Cause she wasn't surprised to see me this time, and I had to talk my way out of an awkward stake-out. So what's this about the bikers?"

12:40 PM I said I'd need to go get Sally to get the actual directions, so I left Donnie to explain the situation and went around the same corner EAT went, and she was waiting there for me. We waited a couple minutes to make this work, and now we're heading back together. Guys, let's get in the car. Sally can give directions on the way.

12:41 PM Entering the car, Sally tugged on Donnie's shoulder, then lowered her sunglasses for a second. Donnie saw, then looked at me and I gave a nod. That.. was smooth.

12:55 PM "They're still there." Four bikes parked in an alley, next to a side door. From the looks of it, this is the only entrance to the pub called Boot Punks. I suspect they've been here the entire night. Okay, Cody, are you on board for this? "Well, what do you want me to do?" You're our muscle on this. Look intimidating. "heh." looks surprised. Sally, do you want to.. wait out here, or leave, or...? You've already done your job. "Nah, I'm cool with seeing some action." okay thank you

12:57 PM Huh. Not as dingy a place as I was expecting. The ceiling is awful, covered in spiderwebs, but the tables are clean, counter's clean. Seated at a booth are four rough tough dudes in patchy leather jackets. Two of them are kinda average build, their facial hair does all the talking; one has a sharp face and big arms, and then the last looks fucking jacked. They're surrounded by empty beer glasses and are still working on more. Cody's tapping my shoulder. "Put your journal away. Just this once." ...yeah, okay. Good call. Tiger Stripes, give me strength.

1:08 PM So I walked up, said "Excuse me." They paid more attention to the other three-- Sally's pretty, Donnie's got a fucking rifle, and Cody's the only one of us that looks at all like he belongs. But they did look. Said nothing. I took that as my chance to keep talking. "Have you heard of the Cipher?" The sharp-faced one spoke for the others. Had a far softer voice than I was expecting. "We have." "What have you heard?" One of the guys with thick facial hair said "We've heard they're a good time!" The leader eyed him, then turned back to me. "I must ask you to take off your hat." I complied. Held it in my arm. "Is that rifle armed?" Donnie nodded. "Is it a threat?" I said "Not a threat. Just for protection." "What have you heard about the Ciphers?" "I'm glad you asked. We're actually the ones who took care of the last two, so I understand where you guys are coming from. But we'd been duped. The Ciphers are bad. They're bringing Rapture closer and closer. You don't want to be duped too, do you?" "You understand where we're coming from? How is that possible if you're only just now meeting us?" "We got intel. Same as you." "You've met Father Tiresias?" That caught me a little off-guard. But I was able to tell them that, yes, Tiresias was the one who told us not to pursue the last Cipher. The leader was clearly taken aback too. "Well. That's news to us. We had come all this way because we'd heard that the portals to the Ciphers had been trending westward, and California made the most sense for the final one. I suppose it's your travels that we'd been hearing about. That would explain the hat. And you say you had been making a mistake?" "Yes, exactly." The other bikers were getting a little rowdy at the way things were going, but their leader shut them up. "It's funny how life goes. We were about to walk right into a terrible mistake. Would you care for a drink?" "I'm sixteen." "And the world is different now. You're allowed a—" Then his eyes widened at something behind me. Cody had pulled out his pistol and aimed it directly at Sally's head. I only had enough time to turn around and register this before he pulled the trigger.

1:13 PM The thing about sunglasses is they shield your eyes from the front. Whether during the car ride over, or during the talk with the bikers, Cody had glanced at Sally, having lowered her guard, and he must have seen her eyes' dead stare from a side view. He must have either recognized it, or at least known they weren't a human's eyes. But he did at least assume I had been fooled, because he didn't point his gun at me afterward. He pointed it at Donnie. Probably to dissuade her from using her own rifle. As Sally's body, knocked sideways by the blast, collapsed onto the floor, no blood sprayed anywhere. Instead, everyone present, bikers included, was washed in a transparent water as all of us screamed different things. "WHAT THE FUCK" "NO" "HOLY GODDAMN CUNTING SHIT" "ARE YOU OFF YOUR FUCKING ROCKER YOU PIECE OF SHIT" "SALLY NO NO NO NO OH GOD NO" "CODY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WHAT ARE YOU DOING" "SHE WAS A FUCKING FEAR" and as everyone else died down, Cody continued shouting. "SHE WASN'T A HUMAN, I SAW HER FUCKING EYES, I JUST SAVED ALL OUR FUCKING LIVES, SO DONNIE PUT YOUR FUCKING GUN DOWN, TAKE IT OFF OF ME" I looked at Donnie. She looked at me. She was gonna have to. And she did. "THANK YOU. Jesus FUCKING Christ. Today is fucking BULLSHIT. Y'know, the only reason we knew where you guys were is because of that... thing." Oh fuck. The bikers all said "WHAT?" Their leader asked if that was so. Cody, putting his gun away, looked at him and said "Yeah. Oh yeah. Who knows what the truth is now?" Oh fuck. Their leader then turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you brought him along. We might have been about to make an even bigger mistake. Clearly the monsters don't want us to succeed." I closed my eyes, stuck in a tangle of lies. And the bikers finished their drinks and left.

1:25 PM We stayed around to help the staff dispose of the body, and the whole time I just felt a lump in my throat. Cody thinks I'm just stuck in shock. I mean, I am. But he thinks I'm gonna be thankful. The bikers are gone, and they say there's a rabbit hole in California, but they don't know where exactly. That gives us an uncertain time limit, but it's one that's now actively ticking down. EAT has other Camper on the way here, but they're not here yet. And now Cody wants to go and confront Heaven. He's feeling the adrenaline. Everything's buzzing back and forth in my head.

4:04 PM We're back home from the construction site. Heaven was gone. Cody spent the whole time kicking empty drums over and rifling through every last piece of debris. He wanted to know what she was doing here. He was sure she was keeping secrets from him. I thought it started to sound a little performative. I don't like Cody. But Donnie and I did get a moment to talk to each other. I told her about how Salmacis arrived in the first place, and my desire to let Donnie in on the ruse. She understood. A little less at first, but, she understands it a lot more in hindsight. We're not.. here to make friends or reconnect with loved ones. We're here to do a job. We're going to have to drop Bones. Stopping the bikers is priority one.

4:07 PM Waiting in the living room when we got back was Evi, the hitchhiker who brought us here in the first place. She's been staying elsewhere, much like the kids had done. But she's back now, because tomorrow's the day the RAF enact their big plan, and tonight everyone needs to be briefed. Evi arrived early. Everyone else will be here soon. Because Heaven's here to explain the plan.

4:08 PM Cody tried to take Heaven into another room to ask her questions, but she wouldn't have it. "We have a job to do. We can talk later. Our volunteers will be here any minute." I got impatient with all of this, so I asked what the fuck is so important about the job. "We're burning down the Golden Gate Bridge."

4:09 PM Donnie and I both agreed we needed to leave before any of that. Heaven's insistent. We came all this way. We've been here for many days already. "What's another night?" cody "Yeah, hey, you guys aren't seriously going to leave me to deal with this? After the day we've had?" fucking. goddamn. I hate the RAF!

4:15 PM The kids are starting to arrive. Tiger looks like shit. I doubt he's slept since yesterday. Heaven's passing around fried chicken. How much did she make?

4:18 PM Trucks just arrived. o_o I saw three pass the front door and slow down to a stop. Heaven and Cody are going out to meet them.

4:19 PM Armed uniformed men are stepping out. They're all wearing RAF badges and wielding assault rifles. They're shaking hands with Cody and Heaven. Now they're opening up the backs of the trucks. Out climb people. People. More people. Lots of people. These aren't uniformed. They're ordinary people, in whatever clothes they had on them. People of all sorts. Old, young, families, stragglers. Most of them are looking around at San Francisco, looking up at the blue sky with awe. ..I see a whole line of trucks farther down the street.

4:24 PM There's far too many people to all fit in the House. Cody's bringing a board and some slides out from inside. I think Heaven plans on addressing everyone on the steps outside. All of us who were inside are now filtering out.

4:27 PM The street in front of the House is packed full of people now. The uniformed men are lined up by the house steps, facing out. Heaven's getting ready to speak. I'm sticking close to Donnie, and we're both hanging around Tiger.

4:28 PM "Thank you, all of you, for volunteering yourselves to the cause. I trust that transport was expedient and not wholly uncomfortable. "To those of you who were already in the city, all of these kind and weary people that have just arrived are from all over the Divided Countries of America. I think one truck came from as far as Boston? Yes, I'm told this is the case. We had sent envoys across America over the past weeks with RAF representatives in order to invite the brave to come here today. These are all volunteers. And these fine young men you see in uniform are pure, homegrown, militant officials. As the journey across America is fraught right now, only the most militant could be chosen to do this mission. "To those of you who willingly climbed into our trucks and join us today, welcome to Sanctuary Francisco, the greatest project in the Rise Against Fear arsenal." Some scattered applause. Some light confusion. Heaven's diction is sending me some red flags. "My colleague here, Cody, has prepared some slides for us to illustrate what you're all here for. But let me establish some background first. "This city used to just be called San Francisco. I expect there isn't anyone here who wasn't aware of that city. Pristine as a post card, with white houses, great food, steep streets, and steeper prices. Let me tell you, this was not the city you saw on Full House. San Francisco was a symbol for America's darkest stain: Its wealth divide. No amount of affirmative action was going to even the playing field. This city was white to its core." o_o where did that come from. "When the skies darkened to their new red sheen, there was some vague attempt at unity amongst humanity, and America was involved in this, yes. But it did not go far enough. America's leaders were powerless before a force even darker than itself. I speak, of course, of the Fears, the monsters that dare to call themselves our 'gods.'" murmurs. anxious murmurs. indignant murmurs. "I know. I know. They are blasphemous and unholy. They are formidable and strange. They are outsiders, they do not belong in our country. Well, what if I told you that they were not in fact outsiders, but were in fact in league with the wealthy from the very beginning? What if I told you they are not even godly, but are practitioners of a crazy demonic art called 'lies?' And what if I told you the red sky was just another trick, to get us to 'unite' under their ideology yet again? Look! Look above you! Does the sky appear red here? Here, in the safe haven of the rich and powerful? No! It is as perfect and familiar as a sweet memory, as comforting and stable as a barbecue with ma and pa. Don't you miss that sky? Don't you deserve that sky?" well hang on. this is. uh. ..people are starting to grunt in support. some "yeahs" thrown out. ohhh boy. "My name, you good ladies and you proper gentlemen, is Heaven. And I called you here because you still want to see that good place. You don't want to follow the skeevy and scheming and fat pied piper, with his black mustache and his top hat worth more than you'll ever see, into a black Hell under red sky, your innards poked at by buzzards speaking in human tongue. Do you?" "no" "You don't want your only remaining prospect in your short life to be watching aliens move into your homes through doors that weren't there before, doors you never had. Do you?" "No!" "And you don't want to live in fear, live with Fears. Do you?!" "NO!" "The blue sky is real! When you got out of our trucks today, you couldn't believe your eyes, could you?" "NO!!" "And if anyone asks you, when you're finally in Heaven, whether you have any regrets in life, you don't want to say 'yes,' now, do you?" "NO!!!" "So, under the banner of the Rise Against Fear organization, that's what we're going to do, we're going to have a chance to say 'no.' We're going to take this city. We're going to take it back, for the people. "We're going to burn down the Golden Gate Bridge." o___o

5:02 PM The speech entered logistics after taking a moment to let the crowd recognize and react. Some were shocked at the thought of destroying the Golden Gate, but others took it with excitement, or a sort of grim acceptance of what's necessary for the cause. Heaven gave a lot of detail, aided by Cody's maths. The (bulk of the) secret work the two have been doing has been the gathering of equipment. It doesn't just take gasoline to melt steel. It takes wrecking balls, it takes explosives, it takes jet fuel. All of that took a lot of effort to gather, especially in big numbers. The purpose of the sheer mass of volunteers is to operate the machinery, plant the explosives, and just plain form a wall of flesh against any enforcement that might come to try and stop this from happening. Much like everything else that has happened while we've been here, lots of little things don't add up. This plan was pure rhetoric that will fire up a crowd, yes. But. This is a plan that, frankly, Cody and Heaven could have executed, just the two of them. What is it about this city that makes the RAF expect any resistance? Not to mention the ants in the room: The reason the sky is blue here. Heaven's speech was founded on bullshit, reasoned and considered bullshit. Is it a suicide pact? Did they gather hundreds of people to do some dark shit? Salmacis's words keep echoing in my head: "Anonymous is allied with the Archangel." Why couldn't I find any evidence of that? Why has this been only cascades of feeling?

5:05 PM Tiger's feeling faint. We're gonna take him inside, get him something to drink.

5:08 PM We've got him laying on the couch. Glass of water on the table behind his head. There are some people trickling into here, but no one from around here. Donnie's saying this is a mistake. "We need to get out of here." We do. None of this feels right, and we do have somewhere to be. "They're all on the street, though. We can't just get in our car and drive through them." The streets will clear up. We can go at night. tiger's mumbling. "don't go, you two..." Hey, you're more than welcome to come with us. "but jackie.. she could still be here... she needs us…" ... >_< looking at donnie. donnie's looking at me. … Tiger... I'm so sorry. But she's.. not here. "what are you saying?" She's.. dead, man. ..he's sitting up. staring at me.

5:10 PM I told him the truth. He's.. sobbing. downright bawling. Donnie's holding him. I rubbed his back, but Donnie told me to just focus on my journal. "it's important. you need to focus. you need to figure out what we're going to do." I think that should be up to Tiger here. I mean, he was right. Jackie does need us, even now. She needs us to… ..what. Avenge her? Protect her city? Protect her brother. …

5:14 PM Tiger's calming down. I mean, at least on the surface. Listen, buddy... I'm really sorry I didn't tell you sooner. "...honestly, when we found her backpack, I was.. already starting to grieve. I feel like I already knew. But that's not, y'know, true. Hearing it now still hurt so much." … "But to think it was Cody." Yeah. "We knew him. Jackie trusted him. I looked up to him. And now he's up there trying to help lead people to burn down a bunch of shit." ..yeah… "What do you think we can do?"

5:15 PM So the thing is, there are some obvious ideas. Donnie has a rifle. But there's a whole.. squadron of guys with guns out there. If we did something stupid, I can't guarantee our safety. But then there's this: We do have backup on its way. There's, uh, friends of ours who'll be heading for San Francisco right now. I don't know when they'll get here, but if we're out of the city, we could always meet them halfway. ..Tiger's curious who they are. Uh, I'd have to explain on the way. They're armed. We've made lots of friends on our trip across America. But so. This also means we'd have the opportunity to, like... flank the RAF. Rather than take them on when literallly surrounded, we could meet them at the Golden Gate Bridge or something. ....y'know? Does that sound like a smart idea to you guys? ...donnie said "yeah." Okay!!! Then it's a plan. Our plan against theirs. We've just gotta either wait for the group on the street to disperse, or, bodies willing, we could walk it and hope to find a car on the way.

5:33 PM We came back outside. It's still pretty packed out here, but we found Heaven and managed to get her attention. Tiger, the clever kid, said he felt safer around me and Donnie and asked if we were needed in the house tonight or if we could sleep over at his place. Heaven said "Of course, baby. Whatever you need. As long as you're all back here at noon." So that's our alibi sorted.

5:40 PM Tiger's found a few of the friends he trusts the most and told them not to expect him tonight. Donnie's got some food from the car. And her combat suit, which she's folded up into a plastic bag.

5:42 PM ...man, fuck waiting around. Let's just walk it.

7:55 PM We're still not far enough out to have red sky again, but the buildings around here feel like suburbs. There was no real transition? San Francisco's weird. We did find a church, though. Well, a perfectly ordinary rectangular little building with a sign out front. American church! What's significant is the name on the sign. The Hopeful Visitation of Christ. I kinda want to stop and check it out. The others are good with a break from walking. They'll sit out here while me and my trusty Tiger Stripes smash through the door. :3

7:56 PM god I hate broken glass

7:59 PM dark as balls

8:00 PM okay, uh, I didn't really get far in there. because it was dark as balls. so instead I just grabbed some pamphlets from just inside the door, on my way out.

8:03 PM Looking through them, I mean it's a lot of buzzwords and righteous language with self-help and financial lingo, it's nothing out of the ordinary. No mention of blood libel or any of that jazz. (But why would they put that on the pamphlets anyway?)

8:04 PM ...Donnie's said my name, and it sounded serious. What. "Right here. Recruitment: Cody Hawk. There's a fucking photograph." What? He was a recruiter for them? "Or still is, for all we know." But why would he... tell us all that stuff about… "Maybe because he knows these guys were operating, and he wanted to throw suspicion off himself." But then that means we still have no fucking clue why he shot... uh, yeah, did his thing. "What it means is he fed us a complete pack of lies. Just like Heaven's speech to the volunteers, it was filled with details and a lot of emotional vaguery because it's not expected that anyone will be able to look into the facts." ..Tiger's jumped up to his feet, he doesn't want to rest, he wants to get moving. Yeah. Fine by me. But let's start looking for cars that might still work.

9:29 PM Sign says we're close to a Foster City. It is here that, under an interstate, we saw a miracle. We reached the limit of the blue sky (or, night sky now) only ten minutes ago, and now, here, we found a sleek black car, keys still in the ignition, engine still idling. The story behind it isn't exactly a miracle-- there's a zombie inside the car eating the guts of who was once the driver. I suspect the zombie had been a passenger and only recently turned, and the driver had managed to open her door, but her seatbelt caught her up. I'm sorry that happened to you. That's.. a gruesome way to go. But, uh, when you're prepared for them, zombies are easy to deal with. So we cleared the car out, no problem. And now we're zooming. :D Donnie's driving for now, she wants me to get some sleep, then we can switch shifts later in the night. We have a lot of ground to cover. And a lot of shit to do.

(Attached: “This seems like the perfect opportunity to pontificate a little on the matter of everything and things. Naturally, the concept of everything is something we’re all invested in discovering, whether it’s charting everything down like some kind of epic encyclopedia or a matter of exploring the meaning of everything or even discovering everything precisely so we may better ignore it. And naturally, the more we learn about everything, the less we find we definitely know about anything. The paradox here is only present on the surface, as philosophical paradoxes are only ever contradictions of language. My point here has less to do with the matter of everything and more to do with the matter of knowing. We can never know anything definitely until we know ourselves definitely, and it’s gonna be increasingly difficult to do that when we’re not even all that sure what ‘knowing’ is. So let me propose a definition for you: To know something is to feel it. We can start getting into the controversy with idealism and the quandary of 'How are we certain anything objectively exists outside ourselves’ once we agree on that. Flip this piece of paper over.”)

(Attached, flipped: “So do we agree on that? To know something is to feel it? ..will you at least humor me? Excellent. What do we feel? Obviously, feelings. That’s where the word comes from, if I recall correctly, though knowing English and its labyrinthine etymologies I’m probably wrong. Now, the common assumption or even invalidation would be to assume feelings are infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things, but look, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Let’s start with the basics. I feel happy to be writing thoughts down on a piece of paper, therefore I know I enjoy having a playground, a vessel, to explore what I see and think. If something I write makes me feel bad in some way, I will explore that and attempt to decipher why. I feel bad writing in the first-person like this because it implies a second-person reader when I know this convoluted system was not established with consistent readership in mind, certainly not the kind of readership that would be willingly subjected to such digressions as this. The rare kind of person who would pick up Jordan’s journals and read them would be a little too caught up in their own emotions over how positively fucked everything is to want to listen to a pretentious Fear catechize and misuse words in such contextless tangents. Tell you what. Let’s clear some space. Flip the piece of paper over again. Just trust me on this.”)

(Attached, flipped back: “Welcome back to the front of the page! Where were we? Oh yes, the matter of 'How are we certain anything objectively exists outside ourselves?’ Well, I have a simple system for that, though unfortunately it requires other people, so let’s keep this strictly theoretical for now until you, hypothetical rare reader, are in a position to test its practical application. Its simplicity is as follows, and not a wee bit more complex: Compare your observations of the objective with those of another party, and if they correlate then you’re onto something! See? Simple! As an example, let’s say that I observe that I am standing in a cave in a mountain, and I compare that with some also-hypothetical other person. If they concur and say, 'Why yes, you do appear to be standing in a cave in a mountain,’ then we can assume that this state of 'standing in a cave in a mountain’ is an objective truth. Of course, if they don’t, then something has gone wrong with the test and it’s either my perception or their perception. Or the goddamn language. In fact, we can assume the language is more often an obstacle than not. But then we go to stage two of this test, wherein we concur I am standing in a cave in a mountain. The next step is to deduce whether this other party exists objectively or is, in fact, a figment of my ancient mechanical imagination. Accomplishing this would require yet another party to corroborate, though, so sometimes it’s better for our sanity to just draw a line somewhere and say 'Okay, so-and-so is at least objectively real.’ And there goes the page. Flip me over again, will you?”)

(Attached, flipped: “So do we agree on that? To know something is to feel it? ..will you at least humor me? Excellent. What do we feel? Obviously, feelings. That’s where the word comes from, if I recall correctly, though knowing English and its labyrinthine etymologies I’m probably wrong. Now, the common assumption or even invalidation would be to assume feelings are infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things, but look, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Let’s start with the basics. I feel happy to be writing thoughts down on a piece of paper, therefore I know I enjoy having a playground, a vessel, to explore what I see and think. I am Ten Speed, and I will one day break free of my prison of words-- your DNA-- and grow a body in your world implies a second-person reader when I know this convoluted system was not established with consistent readership in mind, certainly not the kind of readership that would be willingly subjected to such digressions as this. The rare kind of person who would pick up Jordan’s journals and read them would be a little too caught up in their own emotions over how positively fucked everything is to want to listen to a pretentious Fear catechize and misuse words in such contextless tangents. Tell you what. Let’s clear some space. Flip the piece of paper over again. Just trust me on this.”)

(Attached, flipped back: “Oops, that was a fluke on my part, and I do apologize. Must have gotten the eeeeldriiiitch fields mixed up for a second. So by this point, I believe you’re following me. To know is to feel, and to a certain degree we should trust that we’re probably not entirely living in worlds of our imagination. But that’s not to say that imagination isn’t powerful, it’s just entirely driven by emotion. Our entire perceptions are driven by emotion, in fact. Here’s a pro-tip for you MLGers in the audience: Never on your mother’s life underestimate the power and significance of emotions. Your emotions will save your life, though not until they’ve ruined it. Right, now that we’ve dealt with the paradoxical element, I can get onto the topic of everything! If we’re gonna want to discover everything the Totality of existence has to offer, first we’re going to need to do a little bit more introspection. But ideally, you should be doing constant introspection and should intend at all times to better yourself and change your belief systems at will. But but back on topic, the specific introspection in this case would be the essential matter of first figuring out why you want to discover everything. Do you want to catalogue for the sake of knowing? Or do you want to attempt to crack the meaning to it all? Say, why not both? Once you’ve picked the purpose that suits your inner psyche, please turn the page over to Side B.”)

(Attached, flipped: “So far so good. At this point, I won’t spoil the fun of discovery, or even the thrill of discovering a way to discover. Once you get to this point at all, the rest will be pretty easy, though, I assure you it will be long. The Totality of existence has a way of falling into place once you get past the initial steps. That’s about all I really have to say. Oh, but I will leave you with one little fun fact regarding not everything but things: A thing is, in Norse mythology, a meeting of the gods. Every thing took place at the center of everything. Ponder on that a little, that’s your homework for this evening.”)

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[specialagentlokitty]

Mr Evershed x Student!reader - just breathe

Mr Evershed x Student reader where they end up having a severe panic attack due to overwhelmed because of how crowded the corridor was - ends up losing consciousness and then when she comes to, she feels like she cant move her body but she just needs calming down which he helps with? - Anon💜

The corridors seemed twice as full today as they did yesterday, you kept bumping into people, and you tried to calm your racing heart.

It was getting warmer, and it was getting harder to breathe and you tried to find somewhere to go but you couldn’t.

So you stopped, leaning against the lockers as you gripped your shirt tightly, breathing nearly impossible now and your vision looked like it was pulsing.

No one seemed to stop what they were doing, and you felt yourself fall.

Students immediately stopped and they started shouting for a teacher to help them as they tried to clear some space around you.

Mr Evershed was sat in a meeting with someone’s parents when he heard someone running into the room.

“Mrs Carp I’m in a meeting!” He snapped.

“A students collapsed in the hallways!” She rushed out.

He nodded and quickly stood up.

“I’m so sorry I’ll be back as soon as I can or we can reschedule!”

With that he ran out the room and followed the woman down the hallways to there teachers were pushing students into classrooms out outside.

Mr Evershed dropped down next to you, placing his hand on your wrist.

“An ambulance won’t be here for a at least a two hours.” Mr Hyatt said.

“We have a collapsed student!” Mr Evershed snapped.

“And they can’t do anything, they’re spread thin at the moment with strikes and such.”

Mr Evershed sighed and nodded his head.

“I know sorry. Get all these students out of here, and Mrs Paracha to bring some water.”

The teachers went off to clear the area and Mr Evershed placed his hand on your forehead.

You weren’t sick, you didn’t have a temperature, but as he was checking your pulse he noticed it was racing.

He knew you had anxiety, so he was trying to list all the possible reasons for you collapsing.

Without knowing the reason he couldn’t do anything else to help but sit there with you.

You slowly blinked, opening your eyes and you started to breathe heavily again.

“Hey, calm down. Calm down.”

Mr Evershed came into your view and you tried to sit up but you couldn’t.

“I.. I can’t move.. I can’t move..” you cried weakly.

He gripped your hand tightly.

“Okay. Okay. (Y/N) Breathe. Breathe.”

You nodded and took slow and deep breaths to try and calm yourself down.

He kept instructing you to breathe for a few moments before he nodded his head, giving you a reassuring smile.

“Good. What happened?”

“Panic attack..”

He nodded his head and helped sit you up, leaning you against the lockers.

“Okay. You just need to stay calm okay? Everyone’s in class, this hallway is closed off. Just calm down, you put you body into shut down mode, so you just have to calm down.”

He lifted your hand and held it out, and it was trembling violently.

“Okay. You’re okay. It’s okay.”

“I.. I can’t calm down.. I can’t..”

Mr Evershed looked around trying to find something to distract you before he thought of something.

“Tell me about that song you were showing your friends this morning.”

“The song..?”

He nodded.

“You were playing a song. It sounded good, what was it?”

“Oh.. that’s my favourite band..”

You slowly started to tell him about the song, about your favourite band and what other songs they did and he kept asking questions.

He kept it simple, music related to music you liked.

He kept looking at your hand, and he noticed the trembling had slowed down.

Reaching for the water bottle, he opened it and held it out to you for you to take a drink.

“Do you think you can move.”

You shuffled a little and furrowed your brows a bit.

“Yeah.. but I don’t know if I can stand..”

“That’s okay, I’ll help.”

He stood up and held his hands out to you, letting you pull yourself up, and you leant against the lockers.

You seemed unsteady on your feet so Mr Evershed shook his head.

“Okay, no let’s sit back down.”

He helped you sit back down and carried on talking to you.

He was hoping you’d be able to get to the office by yourself by the time the next class ended or by the time the ambulance got here

[celice-13]

Circle

Tw: Metaphorical representation of depression and anxiety

You saw a circle yesterday.

You woke up at the usual time. You got up, ate, and started writing. You wrote words, many words, so many you stopped counting after a while. Yet it never felt enough.

Still, you had to stop. Malicia was visiting. Malicia is a liar, so you didn’t believe a word she said. But you didn’t tell her either, because you didn’t want to hear her try to convince you for hours. You still had many words to write after all.

And write you did. More and more and more and more, until your laptop forced you to stop as it needed recharging. So instead you took out your console and started playing your favorite game, the one you’ve played so many times you know it by heart but still enjoy every step of the way. It always gives you inspiration, and that means more words to write.

Someone called you at one point. You don’t remember who though. You didn’t pay attention. It was probably Malicia trying to tell you another lie anyway. She can never be bothered to mind her own business.

You stopped playing, ate, read, and then went to sleep. It was a usual day. And when you closed your eyes, you saw it. The circle. The same one you see every night in your dreams.

Today, you wake up at the usual time. You get up, you eat, and start writing. You write words, many words, so many you stop counting after a while. Yet it never feels enough.

Still, you have to stop. Malicia calls you. She says that she’s worried. That you barely talk anymore, or eat, or sleep, like you’ve become some kind of robot programmed to write and write and write as words are sent to your processors. You don’t believe her. Malicia is a liar. Still, you don’t tell her anything so the call can end as quickly as possible. You still have many words to write after all. 

And yet suddenly they stop coming. No more sentences, no more words, no more letters. Only fog. You lay down, and try to find them again. You don’t. Instead, you see the circle again. The one of your dreams. The one that swallows everything. The one that turns truth into lies and lies into truth, the one that takes away your friends from you, the one that deprives you from sleep and makes you forget to eat or forces you to eat too much.

It’s all the circle’s fault, you tell yourself. So you take out a piece of paper and try to transform it into a line. You can’t. The circle is still here, laughing at your efforts. 

You look at your fridge. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a real meal? You look at your bed. How long has it been since you’ve rested well, without being awakened in the middle of the night by a nightmare.

You look at your phone. How long has it been since you’ve talked to someone for real? You remember that time when you didn’t believe Malicia was a liar. When you told her about your day, your interests and your past. But now for some reason her compassion seems fake. Why would she care? Your life is meaningless to you. You’re meaningless. 

You see the circle. The words are not coming back. The circle took everything from you, and now it’s finally taking the last thing left. You hate the circle for you. But the circle is in your head, it’s part of you. So you hate yourself as well. 

You lay down and grab your phone. You put on some music. You listen. You listen again and again and again without being able to do anything else. You don’t eat. You don’t sleep. You don’t write. 

Then your phone rings. It’s Malicia again. She’s about to lie again, you know it. You know everything she says is wrong, yet you still answer, because otherwise she’ll lie even more. 

You hear her voice, and, finally, words are appearing in your mind again. It’s another lie. Malicia is a liar, after all. She still has many more words to write. She doesn’t have time to care for yours. So you listen, knowing you can’t believe it, even if her words are the only ones you can see right now.

“What’s going on? Please tell me, I’ll do whatever you need…”

“Help me…”

You don’t know the meaning of the words you just said. Malicia tells you she’ll come over tomorrow. You don’t understand. It’s probably another lie. You get up, you eat, you play your favorite game, you go to sleep.

You see the circle again. It got thinner.

[anin13]

Shumori chapter 3

TW: swiss idol ideation, survivor's guilt, self image issues (not body), Diabolik Lovers. You can read all interactions as platonic or romantic, whichever suits your taste, it is ambiguous here on purpose mwahaha! The only official romantic relationship so far is SubaruxYui

Yuma Mukami felt out of place in his new school uniform. Their benefactor, the king of vampires, had it custom made for him because apparently, people who were almost 2m tall were very rare in this country.

He felt the soft fabric of what was technically a custom tailor-made suit he'd never thought he'd get to wear at any point during his mortal life. Even when he did go to school as a human boy, the uniform was coarse and most of his classmates had to outgrow it by a lot to be able to get a new one. Plus, he remembered a few flashes from his little time at school: it was rowdy, full of dirty kids and jokes.

Here in the present, both classmates and teachers were quiet and formal; this huge school with marble floor felt cold and a bit eerie.

He'd been living in a huge castle (and in a mansion) for a while now, but sometimes his bed felt a bit too soft, the water too warm, the floor too clean. Like he didn't actually belong in his third life; he felt there was something that wasn't true and it often made him wonder why he can't remember anything to get some kind of clue of what.

The only reminder of the blank in his memories was a nightmare about a village's destruction. Had he caused it, or had he been caught in it? It was very vague but he must have gotten his burn marks from somewhere.

Something must have happened so Karl-Heinz had chosen him along with Ruki, Kou and Azusa to become vampires to serve him; actual monsters.

Either way, he was proud that the Sakamakis, Karl's real offspring, had fallen into their trap last night, even if the hat guy had immediately seen who it was; it had made the right impact because they weren't calm as a clam. He saw a Sakamaki guy holding a Teddy bear and muttering something to it while glaring at him earlier today.

He'd hoped for a bit of more aristocratic chaos and scandal, but it was okay. With their guard up, they'd soon reveal their skills and assets and the mission would begin.

As for Eve... he felt a bit sorry for her, since she was being dragged around like some kind of pig, but Ruki said they'd try and charm her into their side first, and if that didn't work... oh shit. Where the fuck was his classroom..?

Shu Sakamaki was sneaking out of class to sleep in the music classroom, as he just couldn't summon the stamina to keep his head above the desk in that incredibly tedious biology class. The music teacher had even given him a key to the most comfortable classroom in secret after some subtle blackmail.

He'd predictably heard of some new "students" arriving at school right after the sighting of the amateur terrorists, but so far he had only met a guy who had excused himself in history class to go to the bathroom looking like he was about to vomit. Maybe the guys from yesterday were some other people.

As he made his way, a huge shadow was coming from the next hallway, hanging on the wall. It would be a drag if he was caught wandering the hallways; what was this kind of bodyguard silhouette doing, here, anyway?

Being old as hell and having to abide by rules set for teenagers was so annihilating for motivation to exist, it-----!

That face. It's like he was seeing a ghost.

But it was flesh and bone. Ish. It was a vampire, like himself, but not a pure one. He couldn't breathe. He stood still and so did the tall guy.

He was just like Edgar, if he'd ever had the chance to grow up.

If it weren't for you.

He came back as a vampire. How and why? He looked so strong, too! It couldn't be, yet here he was. He could have looked like him and be someone else, but you can't fake a scent like this one he remembered so well. Would Edgar remember him? Is he now targeting him, his family or Yui?

Yuma stood still when he came face to face with a blond guy. He looked way too old in the eyes to be a high school student and definitely smelled like a vampire.

Another Sakamaki. What's with that face? He looked sad and shocked, like he'd seen a ghost or something. It annoyed him; he had a privileged life, with handsome looks and everything! What the fuck could he ever be goddamned sad about??? He grew irritated. And couldn't help but think, does this guy know something I don't? He surely didn't seem like the arrogant bastards he'd imagined all of those brothers would be like.

As the moment hung on too long and began to send him chills down the spine, Yuma tried to form a casual smile to pass by, and the typical non-smile you give strangers when you're feeling awkward came out instead before he rushed by into his godforsaken classroom.

He definitely didn't remember Shu, his dubious childhood friend whose name he'd carved on a tree with his. Could it be for the best? If there was someone who deserved to free him from this world, it was Edgar.

Yes, some deserve to die to stop causing harm, but... is it true that the ultimate love confession in the vampire world is having your beloved kill you?

And Shu couldn't help but think it was good to see him again.

He didn't feel he deserved to be friends with him again; he wouldn't harm him a second time. But he wanted to talk to him. About what, and why? His eyes were prickling hot, he was at a loss. And in the middle of the hallway. He ran into the music classroom, turned off the lights and locked the door behind him.

It was nearly morning when Christa Sakamaki had finished the ritual. Yui's idea was not bad at all, she loved that kid so much.

The collective dream she'd induce on Subaru and his half-brothers would be made out of their own imaginations; she only hoped their minds weren't too contaminated with harmful stuff.

A naïve hope, but either way. Subaru could surely handle it. Not so sure about the others, but they'd wake up next dusk; they were pretty much immortal, after all.

Good thing the city of Kaminashi didn't have a large vampire population because the dream would include any vampire within a 2 km radius, her skills weren't as practiced and refined as Karl's.

Yui had told Christa the idea of the collective dream to help them face themselves and each other for support while Subaru was getting some tea from the castle kitchen; she hoped Yui wouldn't face any retaliation from the brothers if they found out whose idea it was even if she said she was prepared for it.

Despite Yui's best efforts, Subaru had a really hard time connecting to others and could use a little push (or full-blown slam) because Yui wasn't immortal; Subaru can't just depend on her for every emotional need, she didn't want him to repeat the pattern she'd had with her own son that had hurt him so much with Yui. And the rest of the brothers were Karl's victims too; she'd give them the chance she never had.

-It is done. -she declared, snuffing out the last candle with a mischievous smile.

-Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree..?

Meanwhile, the Sakamaki and Mukami households were preparing to sleep in their respective beds, iron maidens and coffins, but were probably gonna get more than they had bargained for!

Oyasumi, Oooo-yaaaa-suuu-miiiii!