#yes we’re sinning on a sunday

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

Am I ashamed? No.

Am I sorry? Also no.

The tag is all @lola-lola-lola's fault lmao 😘

[anashins]

Room 803

Pairing: university student!Jaehyun x kindergarten teacher!reader

Genre: fake engagement au, neighbors au, age gap, hate to love, drama, romance, smut

Word Count: 26k

Warnings: reader is five years older than Jaehyun; Jaehyun doesn't treat women very nicely in the beginning; there is a lot of scheming going on; some characters have a questionable moral compass (cheating, blackmailing, lying, traditional family arrangements); there is an explicit rated scene (handjob, mc gets hand over mouth) and two suggestive ones, all of which you can skip if you want

Summary: You hate your neighbor in room 803 to the core, because his raunchy and very vocal bed activities always keep you up at night. There is no scenario in which you can ever imagine tolerating a lousy brute like him—until you get entangled in a web of lies and your neighbor comes into picture to play along. Your raunchy, lousy neighbor, who, to your surprise, fits the role of your fake fiancé very well. Almost too well.

A/N: Hi! So this is the result of ring window shopping and the Unconditional MV. I drew inspiration for the opening scene from my very own fic "Sinned" that I've first published on Aff. Leave feedback if you want <3 Happy reading! (D-482 until Jaehyun returns)

Finding a suitable apartment in the downtown of a very busy metropolis was a challenge. 

There were many things to consider during apartment hunting: the location, the price, the layout, the facilities, and also the distance to the next station depending on your commute. Nobody wanted to live in a rundown one bedroom on the 10th floor with no elevator and paper thin walls for which you still paid a fortune.

You were very lucky to have none of that.

Your apartment consisted of two rooms in a new building and was located on the 8th floor. It had three elevators, a concierge service, and even a small convenience store connected to the lobby. It cost more than a third of your salary, but with all the benefits, it was worth it. You couldn’t have thanked your co-worker enough to have passed it on to you when she had moved away, so that you could finally live closer to your workplace.

You loved your new apartment. 

But you hated your neighbors.

A neighbor on the 9th floor liked to play the drums for at least two hours a day and usually chose to do that when you had already returned home from work. A neighbor on the 7th floor liked to discuss things very heatedly with his girlfriend right by the window. Three rooms away from you on the 8th floor, there was a dog barking constantly, and somewhere else in the building, a tenant invited guests over to throw a party almost every Saturday night.

But your next-door-neighbor living in room 803 was the worst. 

“Yes, right there! Oh my… yes, yes yes!”

It was 1am on a Sunday night and you were supposed to get up in five hours, not having found even a single minute of sleep until now since the noises had been going on for an hour already at this point.

“Oh… Jaehyun! Ahhh! Oooooh!”

You pressed your pillow against your face and muffled your agonized scream in it. Almost every night, it was the same. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later, and you were able to count yourself lucky if he paused these sessions for two or three days in a row. But then they came back even stronger. And tonight was such a night. 

“Yes, oh god… oh my god! Ahhh, Jaehyun!”

You clenched your fist, raised your arm and hammered against the wall. 

But instead of slowing down, stopping or even reacting to you, you now heard his bed pound against the wall that separated your rooms, accompanied by the woman’s constant screaming.

“Shut up, it’s in the middle of the night!” you yelled.

“Get lost, we’re done already!” he yelled back.

Following his words, you then noticed the silence that had suddenly filled your room, finally allowing you to welcome your well-deserved sleep as tomorrow, another long workday awaited you. But your neighbor, of course, didn’t understand as he would start all over again tomorrow night. 

He was a university student in his senior year, his naturally dark hair constantly messy and bleached blond to the brink of extinction, always dressed in joggers and hoodies, and apparently enjoying life to the fullest. 

He was your neighbor Jeong Jaehyun, living in room 803 and your personal enemy since day one.

____

After having tried to conceal the dark circles under your eyes with heavy makeup the next morning, you were late again as you let the entry door fall closed behind you and hurried along the hallway with your heels audibly clacking over the floor. You called for the elevator by pressing the button and waited nervously, praying in silence that you would still catch the next subway.

From behind you, you heard another door getting opened and pivoting around, you spotted a woman stepping out of apartment 803. Or better say, she was thrown out as she only stood in the corridor in her underwear, another two pieces of clothing falling to her feet that had come shooting from the opened entry door. 

“I don’t even get breakfast?” she sulked as she picked up her clothes from the floor. 

“I told you not to rummage through my home.”

Jaehyun emerged by the door now, his blond hair sticking out to all sides as he seemingly tried to block her away back in. He was wearing a bathrobe and was clearly still tired too. Even though you wanted to, it was so hard for you to look away as you were curious about what was going on. 

“You’re an asshole!” the woman ranted while gathering her clothes. “I was only looking for a toothbrush!”

“You can look in your own home.” Jaehyun then dropped something else next to her on the floor while she was still crouching down. “Don’t forget your purse.”

You thought you were fast in turning away from the scene without anyone noticing, but he was faster in catching your curious eyes before you were facing them with your back. You drew in a breath and hoped he wouldn’t call you out on that, but Jaehyun wasn’t that kind of person. 

“Hey, Miss Neighbor!” he yelled. “Next time, instead of complaining… how about joining?”

Bringing your bag closer to your body, you suppressed your embarrassment and looked back again to threaten, “Next time, I won’t be yelling only, but come over with my baseball bat!”

You hated the grin he then threw at you. “So you’re into that kind of stuff, huh? Come over and we’ll see about that.”

Luckily, one of the elevators reached your floor at exactly that moment and you were quick enough to get in before Jaehyun’s one night stand could make it to the door at the same time.

The entire commute to the kindergarten, you thought about nothing else than your lack of sleep and how to finally put an end to this entire nonsense. At this point, it was ridiculous. You had been enduring that kind of shenanigans for one month already, and you were slowly getting fed up. No, actually, you had reached your wit’s end already. In the beginning, it had been all good and quiet, and from one day to another, it had suddenly started.

You didn’t know who had hurt him so much that he needed to compensate for his pain in this manner, but you’d rather he wouldn’t drag you into it. It only forced you to interact with him when you wanted to be left alone altogether to focus on your career.

“What is it?” your class’ homeroom teacher asked you as you entered the common room that morning. “You look so tired again.” 

“Ah, it’s just that I can’t seem to sleep well lately,” you tried to budge as you placed your bag on the desk. “A weird planet constellation or something.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to tell her the truth. What were you supposed to say anyway? That your neighbor smashed different girls so loudly every night, it kept you up for hours? People would only laugh at you.

“Try lavender tea,” she recommended to you. “This always helps me.”

“I will. Thank you.”

On your way to your respectant classroom, you were greeted by the children who had just been dropped off and getting ready to start the day.

Teaching children had always been your dream, and being an assistant teacher at a reputable private kindergarten came with few advantages in comparison to public ones, a higher salary was one of them. The hardest part was not the amount of work or the long working hours, but the strict and high-demanding parents whose individual expectations you always had to meet.

But looking into these brightly smiling faces greeting you each morning, it was all worth it.

“There is something I need to tell you,” the homeroom teacher then announced when you reached the door of your respective classroom.

“Yes? What is it?”

She kneaded her fingers in reluctance, her bag clipped between her upper arm and body. “I’m going to transfer to another school.”

“Where would you go?” you asked, perplexed. “This is Shi-A kindergarten. There are no other more prestigious kindergartens in the entire district or even country if I dare say so. Except… It’s not a kindergarten.”

She smiled and nodded. “I’m going to transfer to Shi-A elementary school. A teacher will quit by the next semester and they offered the position to me.”

You grabbed her hands, excitement written all over your face. “This is such great news! I’m so happy for you!”

“Hold on, the greatest part is yet to come.” She was five years your senior, but you saw her more like a sister than your supervisor. “I recommended you to the school board as the new homeroom teacher. The principal has agreed already, we’re currently preparing your recommendation letters.”

You were too stunned to ask more than, “Me?”

She nodded and squeezed your hands back in encouragement. “There is no one better here for this position other than you. You’re compassionate, you’re helpful and intelligent. The kids love you and rely on you. You’re finished being an assistant only, I can tell. And the principal as well.” 

“Me, as a homeroom teacher?” It sounded like a faraway dream.

“Miss!” A girl from your class, Soah, tugged on your coattail. She was holding something out to you. A yellow flower. “This is for you! I just plucked it, it was the prettiest on the playground!”

You took the flower into your hand and thanked her.

“Like I said,” the homeroom teacher commented with a wink as you entered the classroom, “there is no one better for this position other than you.”

____

“Ahhh, yes!! Jaehyun, Jaehyun!”

BAM BAM BAM

“I swear to god, Jeong Jaehyun, it’s 2am now, I will come for you!”

You jumped out of your bed, only dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms and a simple t-shirt, not bothering about throwing your bathrobe on or slipping into a pair of shoes at this point. You would only go to Jaehyun’s door and ring the bell to interrupt whatever they were doing right now.

“If I’m not getting any sleep, you’re not getting nutted either!”

Tomorrow, you had a very important meeting with the school board members and wanted to be well rested. So at least, for tonight only, you had hoped to get a few more hours of sleep. You had studied possible questions and answers for days by now and were not only tired, but also mentally exhausted.

But, of course, a reckless university student like Jaehyun wouldn’t understand.

When you reached your entrance door, just about to exit your apartment, you halted mid-motion, interrupted by a sound you had never heard before in this apartment building.

The fire alarm.

You were petrified at first, unsure how to react in such a situation as your mind wasn’t able to grasp the entire meaning yet. As it slowly sank down on you that it most likely meant danger as the alarm hadn’t subsided by now, you reacted very fast by finally opening the door and looking to your left and right.

At first, nothing happened, and you questioned whether your neighbors would react according to emergency plans. But then, one door after another opened on your floor and out stormed the tenants, passing by you and running down the stairs like their lives depended on it.

“Damn it!” you cursed and left your apartment the next moment as well, thinking about all your electronics and important papers that were still inside. 

But in kindergarten, you also regularly taught the children how to behave during a fire alarm, and the first and most important thing was to drop everything and get the hell out of the building. So when you were about to run down the stairs, you remembered that there was one person who hadn’t come out of their apartment yet.

“Hey!” you hammered against Jaehyun’s door after you had returned. “Hey! It’s a fire alarm! Can’t you hear?!”

Your own voice didn’t drown out the signal tone, but you tried nonetheless - to no avail. Jaehyun and whoever was with him wouldn’t come out.

“Miss, what are you still doing here?” The middle-aged man whose dog was always barking on your floor approached you with his pet. “We need to leave! Who knows where the fire has spread already!”

“But Jae-”

But the man just grabbed you by your hand and dragged you along the corridor, his strength too overpowering for you to resist. Even with your head turned and your eyes fixated on Jaehyun’s door, you couldn’t spot him coming out.

Inwardly, you just prayed that he perhaps had reacted fast and left already, but as all the residents slowly gathered in the front yard one by one, you couldn’t recognize Jaehyun among the people storming out of the lobby.

You didn’t know why you cared about that brute, just enough to look out for him.

Perhaps, your job as a teacher had made you sensitive to your surroundings and responsible for the people around you regardless of age and behaviour. You wanted everyone around you to be safe and sound, and that didn’t apply to children only.

“Where are you?” you muttered more to yourself as you got on your bare tiptoes and looked over the crowd as the last people were leaving the building, still no sign of Jaehyun.

“Looking for someone?”

“Oh my-!” you called out and stumbled backwards against the person that had just addressed you.

When you turned around, Jaehyun was standing in front of you, fully dressed in checkered pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt, his blond hair reflecting the light from the street lamp. So he had really made it out without you noticing, even after getting dressed. God knew how this had been even possible.

“Mrs. Choi,” you dodged the topic quickly. “I haven’t seen her yet.”

Jaehyun pointed at someone only two meters away from you, an elderly lady from the same floor. “There she is.”

“Ah, I see. Thank god.”

You buried your hands deep into the pockets of your pajama pants and stepped from one foot on another to warm them up a bit. You indeed had left your slippers behind in a hurry and had only noticed when it was already too late, so your toes were now cold and your soles dirty.

“Here.” Jaehyun slid out of his slippers and then stood next to you with naked feet. “Take them.”

“I don’t need them.”

“Look, your toes are slowly turning blue, and even if it’s still warm during the day, at night it’s already chilly since we almost have October already. So take them.”

You crossed your arms to warm yourself up a little more and, with much hesitation though, slid your feet into Jaehyun’s slippers. They were way too big and didn’t protect your feet from the cool breeze, but at least you didn’t need to stand on the cold and dirty asphalt anymore.

“Thank you,” you said.

Jaehyun raised his head up to the building complex. “It doesn’t seem like there is a huge fire anywhere, otherwise there would be fumes coming out of an apartment already.”

Red and blue light caught your both’s attention that was coming from the firetruck currently pulling up into the lane. Different firefighters got ready and stormed into the building in full attire, but Jaehyun was right. You couldn’t detect a fire either.

“Maybe it was only a small one and they managed to put it out already. Or someone was illegally smoking inside the apartment and the detector still picked up the fumes.”

“Whoever that was, they robbed me of a night’s fun.”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, isn’t that unfortunate? If they hadn’t done that, then I would have come for you myself, because I have an important interview tomorrow. But unfortunately, this situation is worse. God knows when we can return to our homes.”

“What interview? Tomorrow is Sunday.”

“For my promotion, it’s in the headquarters. I want to be a homeroom teacher, and in my kindergarten, there is no such thing as weekends.”

“Sounds annoying,” Jaehyun commented.

You flashed your eyes at him. “Of course, for someone who sleeps until midday and whose only aim it is to smash different women every night, this sounds annoying. But I’m a full grown adult with a real job, and if only you knew about how hard it is, you wouldn’t be so reckless with your noises at two in the morning!”

For the break of a second, you had hoped that you could possibly hold a normal conversation with Jaehyun. That he wasn’t that much of a prick, that you could explain yourself and he would understand your standpoint. But he was nothing other than your expected player, and you had had enough of them during your own time in university.

You then fled to the very front of the crowd right by the lobby without Jaehyun following you, and luckily, not much later, the firefighters declared the building safe. The alarm had been set off on the fourth floor by the partying tenant and his guests who had indeed ignored the rules and smoked inside.

You hurried inside along with the other residents, taking the stairs instead of the elevator to linger around long enough until you weighed yourself in safety from Jaehyun’s presence. 

You only returned much later to your apartment than all the others and were back in bed by 4am without having to face your next-door-neighbor again. Too late to get enough sleep still after all.

_____

“We are very pleased with your answers so far, miss.”

“Thank you so much, sir.”

You bowed in your seat, all the weight from the past days getting lifted off your shoulders. Despite the night before being a total chaos and you running on three hours of sleep only, you had made it on time to the interview and had even been able to revise everything during your commute.

Screw Jaehyun, you were great on your own.

“But there is one thing we’re concerned about,” the director said.

As you looked up, you perceived how nervously he was fidgeting in his seat as were the other board members, throwing some meaningful glances at each other. You knew it had been too easy until now. A woman in her late twenties who had only been teaching for three years overall, becoming a homeroom teacher at this prestigious kindergarten that quickly? There was always a catch.

“We’re concerned the students’ parents might not be content with our choice if we decide to put you in that position.”

“What could they be discontent about?” you asked as the director showed reluctance to continue. “I have my degrees, the experience, as well as the homeroom teacher’s and the kindergarten principal’s recommendation letters. With all respect, I am very qualified for this position, sir.”

“We are not concerned about your qualifications, miss.” He paused. “But about your living circumstances.”

You raised a brow. “My… living circumstances?”

“You’re a young woman living alone, who’s also unmarried,” a board member then raised his voice to take the pressure off the director. For sure, they had talked about this in private before. This felt like an ambush. “This is not something that is likely to be accepted among the childrens’ parents as they put great value in traditional family arrangements. As you know, it’s one of the pillars our schools are based on: tradition.”

You scoffed inwardly, but remained expressionless on the outside. Luckily, you knew how to deal with ambushes. You had so much to say about what they viewed as traditional family arrangements, but you loved it here and didn’t want to lose the job on the spot, so you kept your lips sealed and responded as politely as possible,

“I don’t know why my living arrangements would be any parents’ concern. If I can afford a nice apartment close to the kindergarten where I spend many hours preparing everything for their children to receive the absolute best education, shouldn’t that speak for my living arrangement? I also put great value on tradition. Just because I’m not married yet, doesn’t mean I never want to or won’t get married one day. Everyone has their own timeline and this should not block my career.”

“We’re aware about that, miss. But as you might also know, the parents have a fundamental right of co-determination in our schools.”

“Because since it’s a private institution, they finance everything,” you wanted to interrupt, but kept that sentence to yourself only. Instead, you said, “I dedicate all my time and passion to cater to their children. I am one of the firsts to enter and leave the kindergarten, even working more from home. I volunteer to teach on the weekends and during semester breaks. Does this not count more than the fact that I’m an unmarried woman who’s living alone?”

You were pushing boundaries by demanding an answer, you knew that, but it was nothing very reputable board members couldn’t rationally reply to. The fact that they didn’t, only proved that you were right and they were mere cowards under the invisible whiplash of wealthy parents. Without them and their money, their schools’ reputation wouldn’t be where it was now.

“We can’t change the parents’ opinions, miss,” the director eventually spoke up, retreating into a defending mode and putting the blame entirely on the parents instead of standing up for you, an assistant he had approved of hiring two years ago. Again, such cowards. “We will forward your documents and records to them, but that means a background check as well. And, if I may be frank, I can tell that you’re going to get ruled out solely for that reason.”

“Then change it,” you interrupted him. “Change my status to engaged. This is what they want, right?”

“Miss… we cannot counterfeit your documents.”

“They won’t be counterfeited, because it’s true,” you said with a confident voice. “I wanted to keep my private life private, at least until I get officially married. But I have no choice now to announce it before I actually wanted to. Yes, I am engaged and we’re going to get married soon.”

All the board members seemed to be taken aback by your sudden confessions. Perhaps, their reaction was genuine. Perhaps, they also knew you were lying. But what proof would they have to actually ascribe this lie to you? They threw meaningful gazes at each other again, unsure of what to make of this change in the situation. 

“Very well, miss.” The director eventually spoke up and nodded. “I will mention this in your documents and you can hand in a copy of your marriage certificate later when the papers are through.”

“But is this enough time, sir? It has to be decided within two months, the principal told me. I don’t know whether it will be enough time since the engagement is still new and we haven’t set a fixed date yet.”

“That’s true. If you want to convince the parents of your skills and background, I would recommend you to organize the school festival together with them. Volunteer for an activity in which your fiancé can participate as well and show them what a great couple you are. When they’re convinced, the paperwork will only be formalities.”

You swore you saw one corner of his lip tug up, either in malicious glee or in pure relief. Did he know?

“I understand, sir.” You bowed deeply. “Thank you very much.”

“And one last thing… You can start wearing your engagement ring from now if you don’t want to make a huge announcement. It’s more convincing.”

Oh, he knew. But he couldn’t care less as long as you didn’t get him in hot waters.

You nodded in understanding. “Yes, sir.”

On your way home, you stopped by a jeweler and picked out a nice, but cheap ring, a replica of your own dream ring, just beautiful and sparkly enough to get this lie through.

____

You had dedicated your entire life to this kindergarten, not only neglecting your family along the way, but also your friends. 

In fact you hadn’t talked or even answered your friends in months. You didn’t know what they were up to nowadays except for what they were giving away through status updates in your texting app. You scrolled through your contacts in the messenger, but sighed whenever one of the rare male names popped up. Some of them were married already, two had children.

They had all been your friends in university, but you hadn’t talked to any of them in an embarrassingly long time, so there was no one you could ask. How awkward must that be for someone to suddenly get a message about going along with a fake engagement from an old classmate they hadn’t seen in years?

“I’m so screwed!” you groaned and stretched out in your bed, throwing your phone aside. “Oh god, why!”

Perhaps, it was time to look for a new job, even though you loved the children and Shi-A kindergarten was the best reference for your CV. There was no coming back from all your lies anyway. Until now, you couldn’t quite grasp what had brought you to tell them what they wanted to hear. You should have just accepted their answer and moved on. Why did you have to be so impulsive at times, needing to get what you wanted right away?

People did separate before their wedding, that was possible, so there was a way out after all. You could stay an assistant teacher for several more years, there was nothing wrong with it. But the shame and pity you would need to deal with afterwards… 

The next moment, you sat up, your train of thoughts getting interrupted by the door bell, and the person behind the entrance was someone you hadn’t expected that day as he had never come over before.

“My shoes.”

“Huh?”

“My shoes.” A barefooted, messy blond-haired Jaehyun pointed at the shoe rack behind you. “You still have them.”

“Ah, right.” You quickly grabbed them and dropped the pair in front of his naked feet. “Here.”

But Jaehyun didn’t slip in right away. Instead, he questioned, “How did it go?”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Did what go?”

“The interview.”

You growled and your tongue loosened over the newly awakened stress, “Apparently, they don’t want a young, unmarried woman, who’s also living alone, teaching their children, so it did not go very well. It went all downhill when I said that I was going to get married soon to save my promotion. They invited my fake fiancé to the kindergarten to help out at the festival so that the parents get a chance to bond with him.”

“So you’re getting married?” He sounded as perplexed as the board members. Why was it such a big deal to imagine you getting married anyway?

“No! I’m not! That’s the catch. Now I have to get a fake fiancé from somewhere.”

“Hm. So you lied.”

“A bit.”

“Hm. Doesn’t sound like a bit of lying in my book.”

“I know, okay? Thanks for pointing it out.”

You didn’t know why you had told him all that. Perhaps, among the path you had chosen for yourself, you had lost all your friends and now had no one you could talk to whenever you faced a problem. He was just there, at the right moment.

“Really sucks for you.” Jaehyun shrugged and slipped into his shoes. He then turned around and disappeared back into his apartment.

You could have also talked to a wall.

____

“You never told me that you were engaged! And what an amazing ring with such a big diamond!” Your homeroom teacher jumped up and down in excitement as you two made your way to the entrance gate in the late evening at the same time as club activities ended. “I didn't even know you had a boyfriend! All this time you were keeping it a secret!”

“It has spread quite fast, hasn’t it?” you laughed out shyly.

“Totally! Is he going to help out during the school festival? My theater class still needs volunteers and your fiancé can join as well.”

“Sure,” you lied. “I can’t promise anything for him though, because he’s so busy, but he’ll try.”

“Has he ever been here though?” she asked. “Have we ever seen him?”

“No, he hasn’t.”

She pursed her lips. “Then who’s that?”

“Who’s what?”

She stopped in her tracks and pointed at the entrance gate. “The dark haired man standing there who clearly doesn’t look like he’s here to pick up a child since he’s only staring at you.”

Shifting your head, you spotted your neighbor standing right by the gate. You had barely recognized him, because the light blond hair was gone and now dyed dark. No way! What was he doing here? And how was he looking?

“It’s him, isn’t it? Hello!”

“Hey!” You grabbed her arm and pulled it down. “It’s just… he’s an introvert. Wait here, please.”

With hurried steps, you approached Jaehyun who didn’t break eye contact along the way. Surprisingly, he was dressed business casual today, in a pair of slacks and a button up. In combination with his new hair color and the strands neatly combed aside, he looked… decently handsome. It was not like he hadn’t been attractive before, that was a thought you had always tried to push away. But now it was like a fact you couldn’t run away from any longer.

You wondered whether there was a reason. Maybe, he had a date set for later. Good for him to take the women finally out and not always straight to home. Good for him to have finally found a woman who didn’t put up with his former appearance.

“What are you doing here?” you asked him without a greeting. “This is my workplace, you can’t just appear out of nowhere!” Your gaze scanned the environment and you could tell that you two had already caught a few parents’ attention, so your expression softened. “What is it?”

“I locked myself out of my apartment,” he explained. “I kind of typed the code wrong into the system and cannot get inside anymore. So I need to open the door from the inside.”

“And how is that exactly my problem?”

“I need to crawl out of your window to get into my apartment since I’ve left it open anyway.”

You frowned. “Are you nuts? Just go to the lobby and let them call the landlord!”

“There was no one there.”

“There is always someone there!”

He heaved up his shoulders. “Maybe an emergency.”

“Then use your phone!”

“I left it in my room.”

“And that’s why you came all the way here instead of asking another neighbor?”

“I thought since I’m locked out anyway, I can just come here instead of waiting. I knew where the kindergarten was located because of an envelope that had once found its way into my mailbox by accident. And I didn’t know whether you’d return directly after finishing classes or whether you’d have a date with your imaginary fiancé.” He suppressed a chuckle. “Or other imaginary friends.”

“You find that funny, right?” you chided. “But this is the job of my life. This is my life.”

“Alright.” He lifted his hands up in defense. “Can we just go home then?”

“Yeah, let me just…”

“Excuse me, you’re her fiancé, right?” Your homeroom teacher had suddenly popped up next to you, apparently too excited to be kept waiting around. “I’m sorry to butt in, but I’m so happy to finally meet you, because none of us have known about you until today! She’s so secretive!”

Perhaps, because there was absolutely nothing you could tell about your boring life. And even if, Jaehyun surely was not included! You wanted to clear up this misunderstanding when suddenly, you realized that this was your only chance to go with your lie.

He was a man. 

And he was here. 

You had no other option.

There would not be another chance this easy.

You should thank the heavens that today was the day he had decided to leave his bleached hair and joggers at home.

“That’s true!” you then declared and linked arms with Jaehyun. “He came here today to pick me up since I’ve already come forward with the truth. I’m sorry that I haven’t introduced you sooner. This is Jeong Jaehyun.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Jeong!”

You pinched his arm and felt how he sucked in a rush of air. Given he knew the context, he understood. You only prayed to the heavens again that he would just go with it. The logistics of this all, you would figure out only later.

“Nice to meet you too! I’ve already heard so much about you,” Jaehyun greeted back politely.

You didn’t believe your ears. Even if you had hoped so, you hadn’t actually thought that he would play your imaginary fiancé so well from the spot. 

“I already suggested that you volunteer in my theater group for the school festival, but she said you’re always so busy. Nonetheless, I still hope for you to step by every now and then, or at least come by on the day of the festival itself. That would be awesome as many of the teachers’ families and the childrens’ families are also visiting. It’s a chance to get to know each other.”

Jaehyun smiled broadly. “Of course I will help out as well, that’s a given. I’ll make time, no worries.”

“Such a polite and kind man!” Your homeroom teacher beamed at you. “Where have you been hiding him all this time?”

That was a question you were asking yourself now as well. 

____

“Nice furniture,” Jaehyun commented when you walked into your apartment. “But a bit too tacky for my taste.”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion on my interior. I still don’t know why you just didn’t refer to the lobbyist who’s already back by now.” 

“Calling the landlord and setting a new code is just too much hassle and takes up too much time. This way, it’s quicker.”

You opened the window in your bedroom and dragged Jaehyun across the carpet by his arm. “Then, get out.”

“When should I be ready?” he asked instead and turned to you.

“Be ready for what?” You blinked in puzzlement.

“The theater activity.”

“There is no way I’m going to let you join me in school!” you quickly defied him. “You’re… loud, rude and reckless! Only this one time was enough, there were enough witnesses to prove your existence.”

Jaehyun cleared his throat. “In your teacher’s words, I’m a very polite and kind man.”

“Only to authorities, apparently.”

“I can be very nice!”

“But not to me.”

“You’ve never given me a reason to be nice to you.”

You halted. “And the women you throw out every morning? You’re not nice to them either.”

“That’s a whole other story. I only throw out the rude ones, sometimes they get breakfast.”

You snorted when he grinned. “What’s differentiating me from them?” 

“They’re an obligation. You’re a choice.”

“So you’ve chosen to be mean to me?”

“No.” Jaehyun climbed on the window sill. “I’ve chosen to act according to what you’re giving me. Have you ever been nice to me at all? All you’ve ever done was hammering against my wall and ignoring me whenever our paths cross. That’s not very nice. Today, I’ve chosen to do something nice for you. Can I expect the same from you? I’m not quite sure.”

And off he went, out of the window, leaving you behind with much food for thought over what had happened since you had moved in. With slow steps, you returned to your living room, taking a seat on the couch. You stared into nothingness, pondering over Jaehyun’s words thoroughly. 

What did you know about him, actually? Not very much, if anything at all. Where you had spoken to your other neighbors almost in an instant upon moving in, you had never given Jaehyun a chance to properly introduce himself. You had quickly written him off as a player who you didn’t want to get involved with. What could you have in common anyway since he was so much younger?

But as a preschool teacher, you knew how dangerous it was to hold such prejudices towards people you didn’t know. This wasn’t your philosophy. 

So two hours later, you stood in front of Jaehyun’s door. It was past 9pm already, but you had to do the deeds today, otherwise you were afraid that all courage would leave your body by the end of the day.

“What is it?!” Jaehyun barked, then stopped. “Oh, it’s you.”

You held out the plate in front of him, still not having gotten used to the dark hair. “Here.”

He raised his brows, looking at a simple chocolate cake. “What’s this?”

“A peace offer.”

You didn’t dare to look him in the face, but his hand finally moved and clasped around the plate, touching yours in the process. With a slight smile on his face that you encountered when you lifted your head, Jaehyun took the cake.

“Peace offer accepted. So, when’s the start?” 

You inhaled deeply. “Wednesday.”

“I’ll be there.”

“But why?” you still wanted to know. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I think there might be something you can give me in return.”

Of course, there was always a catch. “And what would that be?”

Jaehyun made a meaningful pause. “Tutoring lessons.”

You nearly laughed out loud. “I teach kindergarteners, not university students. I mean, yes I studied with the focus on elementary school, but higher education is not my forte.”

“Isn’t it the same? Teaching people, who don’t know stuff, stuff they must know?”

“I don’t even know your major, your courses! How am I supposed to help you?”

“I’ll send you my sheets beforehand and you can teach me to understand the essence of them.”

You stood there, totally flabbergasted as you couldn’t quite wrap your head around the situation yet. “And that’s all that you want?”

He nodded. “That’s all.”

“It’s not on par with what you offer to me.”

He shrugged. “For me, it is.”

You didn’t know why, but you quite didn’t believe him fully. Either he bore some ulterior motives or he was so bad in university that he was on the brink of failing his classes anyway. In regard to his lifestyle, you could very well imagine the latter. Why not hire a professional tutor then? What was the point of all this?

“Fine,” you then gave in. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow right away. I’ll send you the stuff.” 

You walked out of the door, but not before shifting around to him one last time. “Your new hair color… I like it. It suits you. Though I was used to always seeing your hair first before your face.”

“I still have to get used to it as well.”

“Why did you dye it?”

“I thought it was time for a change.” Suddenly, his gaze fell on your finger. “That’s the ring I have supposedly given you? I should know about it.”

“Princess cut, two carats. Or so it seems.” You held out your hand and looked at the piece of jewelry. “Actually, it’s my dream ring, but it’s not real, just a cheap replica. I hope nobody will notice though as they surely wear diamonds much bigger than that.”

“Women… such an enigma. I never understood why they pay so much attention to an expensive engagement ring anyway. Triple the amount of the man’s salary it should be, no?”

“First, that kind of scale is already dated. Second, I share your opinion. But…” You were about to say something very private, but you felt safe enough to do it at that moment, “I haven't grown up being able to afford nice things myself let alone getting these kinds of things gifted. So the thought of me being so important to someone to invest in valuable jewelry for me means very much.”

“I see.”

He nodded acknowledgement and let you leave.

____

According to his papers, Jaehyun was studying business management. 

You didn’t know much about the subject, but the papers were quite clear with what they wanted their students to grasp, and as it was indeed your job to teach even preschoolers exactly how to study the material, you didn’t see a reason as to why it would be different with your grown up neighbor.

Of course, upon entering his apartment for the first time, you had also scanned the entire space that was exactly like yours in the layout, only mirrored. Against your expectations, he was furnished and equipped quite comfortably and modernly, not too spartanic as you had expected from a young man his age. The door to his bedroom was closed though. Too bad, you were curious about that one the most.

“That’s quite a delicious cake!” Jaehyun praised as he sat down next to you at the table, the plate with the slice in front of him. “You’re a good baker, I have to admit.”

“Having to participate in many kindergarten events, you’ll get the hang of it eventually.”

“Say.” Jaehyun put his fork back on the plate and leaned in to you. “Why do you love this job so much? Aren’t you annoyed by the children? The parents? The other teachers? Having people around you all day long?”

You flipped through his papers, marking the passages you deemed worth memorizing. “Of course it gets stressful and annoying when, for example, children won’t listen, when you can’t meet the parents expectations or when the teachers put so much pressure on you. But…” A smile spread across your face that Jaehyun still encountered even though you had kept your head low. “... the reward, when they all succeed in the end, is all worth it.”

“Hm.” He kept staring at you, and his unwavering gaze made you flush a little. “Sounds legit for someone like you who loves her job so much, she’s willing to put up with a fake engagement.”

“I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am now,” you explained to him with a calm voice. “I don’t want to throw everything away because I’m an unmarried woman.”

“What’s so bad about being an unmarried woman?”

You hadn’t expected such a question. “Nothing, honestly. It just doesn’t meet their norm.”

“And when it’s all done… What will you tell them? That your fiancé left you at the altar? That you broke off your engagement?”

“By then, if you play along, I will have the job already. And yes, then I will then tell them exactly that. That we’ve broken up.”

“I see.” Jaehyun leaned back, giving you room to breathe again. “Well, if you think so.”

“Can we start with your studies now?” you asked. “We’re not only here for you to question me.”

“Of course.” Jaehyun took the fork in his hand again and broke a piece off the cake that he then led to his mouth. “Go on, what should I know?”

In the two hours you were teaching your neighbor, you came to the conclusion that there was no difference between being his teacher or one to your kindergarteners. Even though Jaehyun was a university student, you could maintain your teaching methods despite having a different subject at the base.

“I’m done!” Jaehyun raised his arms and stretched himself. “Finally!”

You closed the books and jumped out of your seat. “It’s almost 11pm already! I need to go, catching up on some sleep.”

“Ah yeah, my visitor will also be here soon, so you better hurry.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Can you please stay a bit calmer tonight for me to sleep in peace?”

He winked jokingly. “As I said, you can always join. But today, I will, as a thank you for your tutoring lesson.”

He didn’t keep his promise.

____

“Miss, how do I look?” A little boy from the parallel group appeared next to you, dressed as an apple tree. His expression radiated insecurity, but you remembered very well how pumped he had been about finally landing a role in the play. “The others are all laughing at me.”

You crouched down and took the boy’s tiny hands into yours. It was Wednesday, so this was another evening dedicated to the preparations for the festival. His costume consisted of brown pants and a green shirt. He also wore a headgear that framed his face from which apples made of polystyrene were hanging. 

“You look amazing! Don’t listen to others. Your role is very much important. And you know why the apple tree is so important in the play?” He shook his head and you squeezed his tiny fingers in encouragement. “Because you’re the only apple tree. Without you, we wouldn’t even be able to perform. So regardless of what the others say, remember that you’re one of a kind, that you’re unique and very important. Okay?”

Now, a bright smile spread across his face. “Okay!”

You arose from your crouching position and turned around to let your eyes scan the hall. Then, you spotted your neighbor for whom you had waited already. And he was not alone.

With fast steps, you descended from the stage and nervously approached Jaehyun who was currently having a seemingly nice chat with a parent. And not any parent as a matter of fact. In front of him stood Shi-A schools’ main investor, and you hadn’t prepared him for that kind of situation! 

You had aged Jaehyun up to one year your senior and had also come up with a background story both of you agreed on was believable enough. Of course Jaehyun couldn’t be a student in front of these successful parents who were all directors, doctors and builders. You had first suggested for him to be a lawyer, but, in his words, Jaehyun didn’t want to be “such a stuck up suit-wearer”.

“Ah, miss, there you are!” Mr. Nam, Soah’s father and the owner of several bank branches across the country, welcomed you as you joined their chat and came to a halt next to Jaehyun. “I’m so disappointed that I haven’t gotten to meet your fiancé much sooner! Such a charming and smart man!”

You looked at Jaehyun who had dressed up in suit trousers and a white button up again, his hair neatly slicked back with only one strand falling into his face. His entire presence radiated a successful businessman, inferior to no one. You were quite impressed, he looked very much believable. And insanely handsome.

“Mr. Nam, it’s so good to see you! Yes, my fiancé is usually really busy, so I’m glad he was able to make time today to help out with the preparations for the festival,” you explained. 

“Of course.” Mr. Nam nodded. “I was only able to come today, because I canceled a meeting to see my precious Soah. I know what it’s like to run a business and having to miss important school events, so I talked about that with your fiancé. I didn’t know he was a COO!”

You tried to hide your surprise and forced a smile. Jaehyun had chosen to be involved in running a business according to his major, the age old enough to be COO, but not CEO yet. You just hoped he knew what he was talking about with the professionals, being so close to graduation.

“You know, honey,” Jaehyun addressed you, and it made your skin crawl how he used this pet name for lovers, “Mr. Nam invited us to his getaway in the countryside in two weeks.”

The middle-aged man nodded. “Mr. Jeong and I have instantly bonded over our occupations and our weekend getaway will help him form connections. Several friends of mine as well as parents of this school and other business partners will be present too. Your fiancé is still fairly young and new to the business as a COO, but I’m always pleased to show the next generation their way. It will be a great chance for you both.”

You couldn’t believe what you had just heard. Two years of working at this school and no parent had ever invited you anywhere. But it had taken Jaehyun literally five minutes only to get invited on a weekend getaway with the main investor! 

This was such a big chance for you to strengthen the bond with the most influential parents and investors, and show them that you were indeed capable of doing this job right - with and certainly without a man. 

“Of course we will join, Mr. Nam!” You bowed to him. “We’re very grateful to have received this invitation.”

Mr. Nam went on with his duty of helping his daughter and Jaehyun followed you to the stage. 

“You know that it’s not going to be easy during that weekend, right?” 

“Yes, but I need this weekend. If they see that I fit in, they will acknowledge me as a capable teacher, even without a marriage certificate. This will be the best opportunity to win their favor and then play the broken hearted teacher who they will all sympathize with after my breakup. Only Mr. and Mrs. Nam’s approval is enough, and every other parent will do as they say, that’s how powerful they are.”

“And what does being a capable teacher have anything to do with you being married or not?” he genuinely wanted to know. “You said there was nothing wrong with you being an unmarried woman living alone.”

You stopped in your tracks and smiled crookedly. “Apparently, they pay much attention to tradition, I told you already. And an unmarried woman living alone does not live up to their expectations since they’re very conservative. But I’m sure I can prove to them-”

“This is bullshit and you know it,” Jaehyun interrupted you dryly. “If I were a parent, I would favor an unmarried woman, who is a great person herself, to teach my children rather than someone trapped in a loveless marriage, who passes on her misery to her students.”

“You’re not wrong, but what can I do? It is how it is.” You shrugged. “Are you saying you’re not with me in this now?”

“Of course I still am if you also still want it. But as I said, it’s not going to be easy.”

“Why? It’s going smooth now as well.”

Jaehyun cleared his throat. “Well… we truly have to act like a couple, you know, since it’s a private setting. With all the pet names, skinship and stuff, honey.”

Again, you cringed. “Shut up, Jaehyun, it’s not that deep.”

He laughed. “If you say so…”

You two approached the stage, stepped on the platform and immediately had a group of boys run towards you. 

“Mister, you’re so tall,” one of them said to Jaehyun. “Can you help us hang these lights up please?”

“Of course!” Jaehyun agreed with genuine joy. “Where do you need them?”

“Over there, please!”

He rolled his white sleeves up his elbows in preparation. With much caution, Jaehyun took the string of lights they had been holding out to him into his own hands and attached them shortly over his head to the background of the stage.

“You wanna do this yourselves?” he then asked the boys as they came over to him with another chain of colorful lights.

“But we’re too short!”

“Not anymore now!” Jaehyun got on his knees and lifted one of the boys up in the air. “You’re tall enough now?”

The boy giggled and pumped his fist. “A bit higher, mister, please!”

“Alright!”

Jaehyun laughed along with them and stretched out his arms until the boy could reach the marked spots in the background. The child was effortlessly able to attach the lights onto where they belonged before Jaehyun set him back on the floor.

“Thank you, mister!”

You watched the scene with a smile, unknowingly. The fact that Jaehyun was this good with children had been a secret to you too, until now.

Perhaps, he wasn’t always your prick of a neighbor and there was much more to him than his nocturnal activities. Somehow, this piqued your interest and you wanted to get to know more about him in all sincerity.

____

“So, you got the gist of it, right?”

Jaehyun nodded. “Enough for me to not flunk the exam this time again.”

“Alright.” You snapped the book shut and stretched yourself. “I’ll get going now then.”

“Are you hungry?” Jaehyun asked instead when you made a move to raise from the chair. “It’s past 9 already and I’m hella hungry.”

“Well… I haven’t eaten anything since lunch and just wanted to go to the convenience store to grab a quick bite.”

“I’ll prepare dinner.”

It was a subtle invitation, and although he didn’t speak it out, he wanted you to stay for a reason you didn’t quite understand yet. Reluctant at first, you wiggled in your seat, unsure of what to do. But Jaehyun didn’t leave you much room for decision as he already opened the refrigerator and took out a sealed pack of chicken.

“Should I help you?” you asked and jumped up, eager to put this awkwardness behind you.

“Yeah, you can cut the vegetables. They’re in the fridge, I just put them in there just in case, so they’re not frozen yet.”

“Okay.”

When you opened the fridge, you spotted the cake you had given to him, only halfway eaten and frozen. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, and surely not openly, but it kind of hurt you. Yet, you couldn’t bite down a snarky remark.

“You could have just told me the truth instead of lying… that it doesn’t taste good.” 

Jaehyun looked up from the chicken he was currently washing, his brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Your disappointment broke through your facade eventually. “The cake. It’s still there.”

With careful deliberation, Jaehyun put the meat on a cutting board and took out a knife. “Because I don’t want to share it.”

“What?”

“I can’t eat too much sugar at once. So one, at the most two, slices of cake a day does suffice. I used to grind my teeth in my sleep, so they’re very sensitive now and hurt when I eat too many sweets at once.”

“Oh, it’s like that.” You paused. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware of this problem…” Again, it dawned on you that you knew absolutely nothing about Jaehyun. If you had known he wasn’t able to eat an entire cake within a few days, then you would have brought something else. “But you’ve had enough visitors over the past couple of days to share it with them, you don’t have to trudge through eating it to the last bites, you know.”

“But I want to!” he then defended himself and turned around to you. “I want to eat it all by myself, I don’t want to share it with anyone else what you’ve made only for me.”

This was not a joke, nor a mocking comment. He meant it in all honesty. You just had no idea why. 

“Okay.” You closed the door to the fridge with the vegetables in your hand now. “I’ll help you cut the ingredients. But we should probably hurry before your visitor comes, right?”

You didn’t want to sound mean by mentioning this topic, but the syllables fell from your lips much sharper than you had intended. It was none of your business anyway, but as you took the leek into your hands, you realized that you couldn’t help but to be curious about his lifestyle.

He shrugged. “It’s still a few hours, we’ll be fine.”

“But every night a different woman? Why don’t you get a girlfriend? Don’t misunderstand me, I just genuinely want to know.”

Jaehyun didn’t even bother thinking about coming up with a morally right answer. “I did have a girlfriend.”

“And?”

“It sucked.”

“Then you just didn’t have the right girlfriend for you.”

“We were together for three years,” he clarified and proceeded to cut the chicken while you did the same with the leek.

“Did she cheat on you?” 

“No. She stole all my money, lied about it and disappeared from my life from one day to another.”

“Holy-” You swallowed the rest of the sentence, your cutting hand now pausing too.

“My parents weren’t very fond of her from the beginning and told me to cut ties with her as she wasn’t the ideal daughter-in-law for them anyway. But I was a rebel and wanted to date whoever I wanted just because I could. She only used me as a money machine, and everyone knew - except for me as I was in denial. The me back then was so blind and so in love. I did everything for her, and in the end, I was left alone, robbed of my money and unfavored by my parents.”

You didn’t know what to say as you hadn’t expected such an honest conversation with him. The tough and cool Jaehyun had been through some miserable phases indeed, and you somehow regretted not having asked about it much earlier. 

“Jaehy-”

“It’s okay.” He brushed it off and put the sliced chicken in the pan. “Not all women are bad, I just need to pick better. Next time, I need to be a hundred percent sure she’ll be my future wife.”

“It’s odd hearing these words from a university student.”

“Why?”

“Nowadays, from my own dating experience, I can say that marriage or children are not one of the top priorities for many people wanting to enter a relationship anymore. They struggle a lot with these nowadays for so many reasons, most of which are valid, like money and economics. So I’m positively surprised to hear you’re not one of them and actually want to marry out of love.”

“Do you want to marry one day?”

This question took you aback. “Yes, for the same reason as you, actually.”

“Mhhmm. And do you believe there is someone out there for you?”

“Yes, I honestly believe it. When there is you and me already, here in this very room, then there are also more people with the same mindset out there in the world. I’m sure, there are many women who have so much genuine love to give to a man like you, even when you’re still so young.”

“A man like me?” You now made eye contact. “What do you mean a man like me?”

You averted your eyes again as you started to list while finishing cutting the leek, “You’re caring, because when we were standing outside on the night of the fire alarm, you noticed that my feet were freezing. You gave me your shoes to wear even when that meant you needed to freeze yourself. And I was so mean to you that night. You’re helpful, because you come to every single festival preparation date and support everyone wherever they need a helping hand, kids and adults equally. And not a single complaint comes out of your mouth. You’re intelligent, because even if you need my help to understand a subject, you’re quick to solve every answer in your very own way. On top of that, you volunteered to play the part of my fake financé. And to this day, I still don’t know why.”

Jaehyun was about to turn on the stove, but then stalled, looking at you partially confused, partially what you somewhat interpreted as… touched? His features then softened and he was moved by your words, you clearly saw it in his eyes.  

“Look at you, Miss Neighbor. Not knowing what you’re blabbering again.”

You cracked a smile and put the leek in the pan with the chicken. “It’s just the truth.”

“I help you out, because you’re a good person who is being treated unfairly. Is that so hard to believe?”

After how you had acted in his presence before all this? It was very hard to believe. 

“So you think it’s better if I stay in my old position and choose the conventional, non-scheming way?”

“I’ve seen you around the children. I think you’re too good of a teacher to waste your potential on insufferable parents who are too stuck up to question their own values.”

After this short time only, he had seen through this all, and was holding such a high opinion of you?

As you continued preparing dinner right here in room 803, of which you had never imagined setting a foot in, you came to the truthful realization that your neighbor was not resentful towards your behavior from the beginning anymore. 

Then, you started to forgive yourself as well. 

This dinner had been an invitation to do exactly that, and you were grateful for it.

____

“My, my… hello, miss!”

You turned around and encountered Mrs. Nam, Soah’s mother, approaching in your direction. Another Wednesday meant another preparation and practice evening for the kindergarten festival that was set to take place this weekend.

“Hello, Mrs. Nam.” You bowed deeply. “What brings you here?” 

“I heard my husband talk about your fiancé so fondly last time, I wanted to meet him personally since you’re going to accompany us to the getaway next weekend, right?”

“Yes, we feel so honored. What a pleasure!”

A lie. You hated this woman to the core. She didn’t care much about Soah, but more about her reputation and appearance. Yet, she was the main investor’s wife and thus one of the people you had to convince of your capability to be her daughter’s homeroom teacher.

“I'm going to introduce myself,” she declared and strutted away.

Jaehyun was currently sitting in a circle with several kids, helping them prepare their costumes with a glue gun. The kids were talking excitedly to him, interacting with him and laughing along with him. The scene warmed your heart and you smiled the longer you observed them. Jaehyun was so popular and got along so well with them. 

“Miss!” Little Soah stood in front of you. “Look what Mr. Jeong made for me!” She raised her arms and presented a golden crown to you, adorned with pink plastic jewels. “He helped me glue the jewels on. Now I’m a true princess, right?”

You smiled and patted her back. “Yes, you truly are! Here, let me help you put it on.” You got on your knees and settled the crown on her head. “All good now.”

“Miss, when you’ve married Mr. Jeong, are you Mrs. Jeong then? Should we then address you as such?”

“I guess so,” you laughed. 

You weren’t worried about the rest, because you were going to break this fake engagement off anyway. But somehow, her question had caused a lump to build in your throat that you weren’t able to swallow down. 

“Then I’m happy,” Soah beamed through her missing front teeth, “because I like him very much!”

With jumpy steps, she hopped away in her crown as your own expression fell. That was something you hadn’t thought about before. The fact that the kids could get attached to Jaehyun. Or the other way around. Eventually, you would need to break their world apart and rob them of a person they had gotten emotionally attached to. But that was life, wasn’t it?

“Everything alright?” You got stunned as Jaehyun suddenly appeared next to you. “You’ve been standing like this, totally motionless, for a solid minute.”

You nodded. “Have you talked to Soah’s mother?”

“Yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “A very annoying woman.”

“Right?!” you whispered to him with a giggle, relieved he shared your opinion. 

“And she totally has the hots for me,” Jaehyun mentioned almost nonchalantly as he made his way to the stage.

“Wha-” You quickly fell into his step. “What are you saying?!”

“That she wants to rip off my clothes and take me right here and now. That she wants me to bend her over one of these small tables and make her scream in pleasure. That she-”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” you stopped him and feigned choking noises. “She favors you. It’s nothing surprising, honestly. She apparently has a weak spot for younger men and even teachers here. It’s an open secret she stays married to Mr. Nam for the sake of their business, and it’s also an open secret that some men here, teachers and parents equally, have fallen for her charms already.”

Jaehyun grinned. “Charms… Exactly.”

At the same moment, you lifted your finger. “Don’t you dare! I swear, Jaehyun, you’re involved here to help me with my promotion, not cause havoc. Stay as far away from my childrens’ parents as possible!”

Jaehyun stopped in his tracks, lifting his hands in defense. “I know, I know. I get it. Don’t worry! She’s annoying and not my type either way.”

“Because she’s much older than you, hm?” 

Somehow, this assumption put you at ease, but not fully. Because, in the end, you were five years older than Jaehyun as well. You weren’t quite able to wrap your head around the reason as to why this even bothered you in the first place. 

“No,” he denied. “I don’t mind age. Neither do I mind education or status, despite my parents saying so. I embrace smartness, wittiness and the gift to enrich my life.”

“And the girls you bring home are none of that?” It was supposed to be a tease, but your curiosity for an answer dominated the entire question. 

He laughed, scarcely and briefly. “Hell, no!”

“I see.” This was a response you could live with very well, along with the statement that he didn’t mind an age gap. 

“But this Mrs. Nam…” Jaehyun lowered his voice. “She’s neither of those qualities that I’m looking for. She’s only a shell with no personality who’s been living in her husband’s shadow and seeks quick affairs for validation.”

You were quite flabbergasted, because his judgment seemed totally on point. “Well, you nailed it.”

He smiled smugly. “You said I’m smart after all.”

You playfully slapped his arm. “This again?” 

“Nevertheless,” Jaehyun continued, “you’re all that, Miss Neighbor.”

You frowned. “All what?”

“Smart. Witty. And an enrichment to my life.”

With these words, he jumped on the stage where the children already came running towards him.

And you were left behind with hot ears and a feeling you hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

____

As you had expected, the school festival turned out to be a success, and with as many parents attending as possible, you had been able to introduce Jaehyun as your fiancé to everyone who was interested in finding out who that young man was, supporting and playing with their children.

It had warmed your heart, seeing how they all got along so well with Jaehyun that, the further the day had progressed, the warmth had turned into a stingy ache. The sheer fear that probably, you would never find someone like him again to replace the hole that he would most certainly leave when you had to call this entire thing off.

After all, this was only a pretense. 

Wasn’t it?

____

The weekend after the festival, you drove all the way out to the countryside to spend two days in the Nam family’s second residence. Jaehyun had apparently rented a car and he was a naturally good driver, you had to admit. 

The family’s holiday home consisted of three big houses in different sizes that were all connected to each other and formed a huge residence, surrounded by many acres of nature. There was a tennis court, a pool, a festive terrace, and even a few horses grazing in the fields. The residence overall looked both spectacular and intimidating to you, who had never set foot into such a habitation ever before.

“This is your room,” the housekeeper announced to you and Jaehyun when she opened the door.

You swallowed, hard. This was a fact that had totally passed by you. The room where you were supposed to spend the night only had one bed. No couch, no canopy, nothing else to lie down on except for this one bed. 

“Thank you very much,” Jaehyun said gratefully, not having lost a single ounce of his composure in comparison to you who was still too stunned to speak. 

He led you into the room and closed the door behind him, dropping your two bags on the floor. It was a nice room that, apart from the queen size bed, had a balcony and huge windows where the sunlight was able to stream in. 

“You brought your tennis clothes, right?” Jaehyun asked, and at that moment, you were quite relieved he hadn’t encountered your sleeping arrangement problems yet or chose to purposefully ignore it. Either of it was fine for you as for now, there was another hurdle to master before this day would end: lunch, followed by tennis with the Nams, and then dinner.

“Yes, I just haven’t expected that you would be able to play.”

He snickered. “Oh, you would be surprised about many of my skills.”

“Ew, if this means what I think it means, stop it!”

“Come on, did you always have this huge stick up your-”

You lifted one finger to silent him. “Don’t say it out loud!”

“Fine,” Jaehyun gave in and shrugged. “But try loosening up every now and then, even when you’re in teacher mode. I tell you, life is much more fun like that.”

You decided to ignore him and circled the bed that was somehow ironically the center of the entire room. You then seated yourself on one side of the bed where you dumped your bag on your lap and started unpacking. 

“I’m sleeping on this side and you on the other. You're gonna stay as far away from me as possible and we’ll build a wall of pillows. If I catch you breaking through the barrier at any point during the night, I’ll kick you.”

“I promise, I won’t touch you.” And then, he added sneakily, “Unless you say so, of course.”

Luckily, he couldn’t see your face as you arose and put your clothes in the closet. 

Your cheeks were so heated.

____

Lunch went by fast with you not having to interact with the Nams much as you had eaten at another table. But you were able to connect with a few other parents whose favor you had won very easily - mostly thanks to Jaehyun who was perfect in his role and did most of the chit chat himself. You didn’t complain, it played all too well into your cards as smalltalk wasn’t your strongest character trait anyway. 

Jaehyun nailed the late-twenties COO scheme like he was living it in reality. It was insane how well he knew about almost everyone’s work environment as though he had indeed already graduated years ago and could keep up with the other guests in regards to business talk. He seemed well-educated, eloquent and charming. He was perfect in his role.

"We’re doing well, but I feel like we could improve our international growth a bit,” one man on your table, also the parent of a child enrolled in your kindergarten, pointed out. “The European market is proving to be a bit more complex than anticipated."

"I hear you,” Jaehyun acknowledged. “Expanding into Europe can definitely be tricky. It’s a diverse market with varying regulatory environments, consumer preferences, and competitive landscapes.”

“What’s been your experience so far in terms of the challenges?” the man asked back. “Have you already tested the waters?”

You inhaled sharply. How was Jaehyun supposed to answer that? 

“Yes, we did,” he replied almost nonchalantly though and sipped at his water glass. “Is it more about local market adaptation, or are there specific operational or regulatory hurdles that are slowing things down for you? Personally, I can tell-”

It was unbelievable. But you were not complaining and just let him do his job while you shifted your attention to the women at the table. One of them was the business man’s wife who had just asked about the European market, and thus a parent of the child attending your kindergarten as well.

“I heard that you were very popular among the children, miss,” she told you with a smile that didn’t seem quite sincere. 

Perhaps you were just paranoid, but you believed that by now, working among mischievous children for years already, you were able to tell the difference. With another two women turning their attention towards you, you felt like you had been thrown right into a shark tank, and your lifeline in the form of your fake fiancé was in no sight but caught up with the European business market. 

“I heard so too, miss,” one of the other women chimed in. “Tell us, what makes you so different from other teachers? One would guess you aren’t strict enough.”

There it was, the flash of guile that nearly simultaneously was visible in all the women’s eyes for not even the blink of a second, yet it hadn’t passed by you. You weren’t determined to let these hyenas eat you up alive, you had worked too hard to come this far just to let mean girls make you give up.

“I believe I strike the perfect balance between kindness and strictness,” you explained with a calm voice, but under the table, you were nervously kneading your sweaty fingers. “Every child knows they can always come to me, be it for struggles concerning their school experience or personal ones.”

Instantly, the eyebrows of the student’s mother raised up. “Personal struggles?” she nearly squealed, but the loudness luckily got drowned out by the heated business talk of the men at the same table. 

“Does this mean you’re asking them about personal things?” the second woman pressed the topic.

Now, you furrowed yourself. What were they on? “What I mean by it is that if my students ever encounter problems of any kind that they cannot share with anyone else at that moment, my door is always open for them, and they know it.”

“For me,” the third woman intercepted, “it sounds like you’re more of a friend than a teacher.”

“Respectfully, that’s not what I said, and I apologize if I delivered the message wrongly. But-”

“Oh.” They looked at each other meaningfully and let you become quiet before the first woman picked up the conversation again. “Are you saying we are too uneducated to get the gist of your sentences?”

You were completely flabbergasted. You had already gotten to know many parents, but always in a safe environment and in the presence of other teachers where they had never acted like this in any scenario possible. Was this how the parents treated the teachers in private? Was this the environment the children grew up in and you would need to deal with on a daily basis when you got the promotion?

While you were still in your thoughts and preparing a reply in your head that didn’t consist of any curse word, you suddenly felt a warm hand wrapping around yours under the table and giving you an encouraging squeeze. 

“What my fiancée wants to say,” Jaehyun interrupted confidently, but politely, “is that with the educational environment given nowadays, teachers are trained to be strict and rule with an iron fist. They are pressured to push their students towards the top regardless of their feelings and needs. Thus, the children feel pressured themselves and rarely have no authority person they can turn to.” You halted your breath, and the women apparently did as well as they looked at Jaehyun with shock over his provoking words. He was harshly criticizing the entire education system for which, to a huge part, the parents were responsible for as well. “Under these circumstances, they really appreciate a teacher like my fiancée, who does not only make sure that every child reaches its full potential at this young age, but she also gives them the feeling that not all teachers only care for their success, but also for their personal wellbeing. And if this is not a trait that more teachers need to have nowadays, then I don’t know what is. I think your children are very lucky to have a teacher with a strong message like my fiancée.”

The entire table had quiet down at this point to listen to Jaehyun’s words who still had not let go of your hand. He was right, to a hundred percent, but speaking these words out among these people was like an invitation to get you fired on the spot. 

“I agree with Mr. Jeong,” a female voice behind you then said, and as you shifted around, you spotted Mr. and Mrs. Nam standing right behind you. “His fiancée teaches my daughter Soah and not only does she get the best grades, but she’s also very happy with her teacher. I think we need more teachers like her.”

This was a support you had never expected of ever receiving. From them? And then, the men at your table, followed by the women, agreed with the Nams vocally. Was it really that easy, would they go with everything this married couple wanted just to stay in this circle? It was an interesting observation. 

But then, your gaze fell upon Mrs. Nam who stared at Jaehyun, and then everything fell into place. 

Well, if it helped with your promotion, then you would let her look at him as long as she wanted. 

As long as he only looked at you and held only your hand, just like now.

____

“Ouch.”

“I thought you were able to play tennis?” Jaehyun asked as he carried you up the stairs in a piggy-back. “I didn't expect you to trip and fall all within the first fifteen minutes.”

Even though you weren’t able to see his expression, you felt that he had to clearly suppress a laugh right now. “Be quiet, I don’t want to hear anything about it.”

“Ah, did someone maybe sugarcoat their skills a bit too much? To your luck, the Nams were just as shocked and cared more about your wellbeing than your lack of skills, so all’s good. I believe they found it rather endearing.”

You grumbled and lowered your head, resting it on his shoulder. Jaehyun had regularly only worn loungewear, so you had never quite made out the shape of his body. Or you had never been particularly interested in it. But now that you were being carried on his back, you couldn’t help but feel his strong muscles tense beneath your body, lifting you like you weighed nothing for him. 

It was true. You had only taken three tennis lessons and had then dropped it for the lack of time and motivation. But since this had been not too long ago, you had thought the experience would suffice. You had been so, so wrong though. Mr. and Mrs. Nam were immaculate and Jaehyun didn’t fall short on them.

Was there something he did not master?

“Who are you even?” you asked Jaehyun when you were finally through your room’s door. He placed you on the bed where he inspected the wounds on both your knees. “Honestly, Jaehyun. It’s like you’re not only blending in, you’re really… living this role.”

Jaehyun approached the door to leave again and get a first aid kit, but not without pivoting back to you one more time and saying with a meaningful and nearly reproachful tone, “You still haven’t cared enough to get to know me on a deeper level, right? All you wanted to know so far was about women, not me as a person. You’d wonder how easy it is to find information about my family online if only you know enough.”

And with that, he left you alone in your room with not only scraped and bleeding knees, but a heart that slowly started hurting nearly just as much.

It was true. You had been too busy with preparations for the upcoming events, pulling through your scheme and working towards a potential promotion, that you had not once put a single thought into Jaehyun as a person. You had wondered at times, but had never really made the effort.

Wasn’t that what he had preached about you earlier? That you were so open-minded, the children could always come to you? So why did you lack this skill when it came down to your personal life? That was probably also very much the reason you barely had friends left anymore. Too selfish, too focused on your career and only using people for the sake of your own benefit. Like Jaehyun.

But you didn’t want to continue with this behaviour anymore and eventually become like the parents here, so bigoted, condemning and toxic. You couldn’t let that happen to yourself.

So you did what Jaehyun had wanted you to do all this time: You just looked up his name online.

… And stared at him with your mouth agape when he returned to the room with the first aid kit. 

He stood by the door, unsure how to proceed. “So, you know.”

You threw your phone on the bed and folded your arms across your chest. “Why did you never tell me?”

“Well, did you ever ask?” His gaze was sharp, but he didn’t seem reproachful anymore as he had most likely caught on the deep regret reflected in your eyes. “All you ever did was assume based on what you’ve seen or heard in some cases. Assuming I was some lazy student with nothing in my mind except for women. There were enough hints given by me for you to look through this facade. But you never cared in the first place.”

That was true, but it was also part of your job. Children were more likely to never tell you what was going on in their lives, so you had to be really attentive as a teacher. Most of the time, you were right about their current feelings, especially the struggles, despite them not talking about it. 

This skill apparently didn’t apply to adults as you had gotten proven wrong several times today already. Adults were way smarter in hiding who they truly were, only revealing what they wanted others to see. Jaehyun was the perfect example.

“I’m sorry.” Your head dropped and you only heard how Jaehyun shifted in his position, followed by his footsteps approaching you. 

He then knelt in front of you and opened the first aid kit as he started talking, “The corporation is my parents’ business, I have nothing to do with it and don’t want anything to do with it.”

“All this time, I thought it was just a company that you’ve made up yourself when you talked to the businessmen during lunch.”

“Of course my position was made up, and it won’t take them too long to find out that a certain Mr. Jeong, who coincidentally holds the same last name as its CEO, is indeed not a COO, but an entirely different man.” He took out some disinfectant that he then sprayed on your hurt knees. You inhaled sharply and under much pain, but were determined not to make a sound. “I’ve grown up in this business environment, so naturally I’m very conversational in this matter if you had wondered about that. I just know a lot of business chit chat to make them keep talking, nothing that needs too much deep dive into a topic. I also took tennis classes when I was younger and the car we came here with? That’s also mine.”

You gulped. You had not even asked about the car at all. All that you had been doing was assuming and assuming and assuming. You had pegged him as a lousy student from the very beginning, and not once had it crossed your mind to ask him about anything. 

All you ever had to do was ask, and he would have replied in all honesty - just like now.

“You said you wanted nothing to do with your parents’ business,” you repeated his words when he gently patted your knees with a clean cloth. “Why?”

“Currently, I’m still under my parents’ guard and sadly also financially bound to them. I didn’t have another choice after what happened with my ex, even though I really despise my current situation. I was lucky enough that they didn’t cut off my financial support altogether, otherwise I couldn’t study at all. But at least I can live alone and thus can taste a bit of freedom and independence. They expect me to join their business after my graduation, even though I refused so many times already.”

“What do you want to do then?” You were genuinely curious now. “If not joining their business?”

“Start my own business.” He then pulled out a long string of band aid and cut respective pieces from it, two in the sizes of your injuries. “I was able to enroll in this top university with a promise to my parents that I will join them after my graduation. Hell will break loose when I come forward with the truth though, but I will pay it all back to them. That is why I’m now saving up as much money as possible to be independent after my studies. There are so many varieties of fields business management is useful for.”

Gently, Jaehyun put a bandaid on your injury, one on each side. His touch was so tender, almost feathery-light, and you shuddered comfortably. “What kind of business do you have in mind?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “I don’t know yet, but I will eventually find out. After my graduation, I want to travel around first and go to Europe, see a little bit of the world. And then it will all fall into place, I’m positive about that. If anything, I don’t want to be dependent on my parents anymore and follow in their footsteps. I want to be my own person, I need to be.”

“The bleached hair… the women… when you only hung around in joggers… Was that some kind of rebellion?” A glimpse into a life he had never been fully able to live out under his parents’ guard. A bit of fun.

“Let’s say I got raised very strictly by my parents, just like the children in your kindergarten, so I can very much relate.” That was why he could grasp exactly how the parents and children felt. He had grown up in this exact environment. It all made sense now. “My mother nearly fell off the chair when she saw that I’ve bleached my hair and wanted to send me to a hairdresser right away. My father stopped bothering me about joining business meetings. It worked all to my favor. It’s not that I’m not grateful that they still help me out, they just haven’t learned to respect my own wishes. Maybe one day, when I’m successful too, they’ll eventually understand.”

“So, why did you agree on doing this with me then?” you wanted to know when Jaehyun put the utensils back in the kit. “Just to practice your skills for the future? For the connection? Because I don’t believe you need that much tutoring after hearing all this. Or was it solely for fun?”

“Perhaps,” he interrupted hesitantly, “I just wanted to help my Miss Neighbor when she needed someone without asking for anything in return, because nobody ever helped me. Is that too far off when I need to answer this question again? Does it not fit your narrative?”

Nobody ever helped him? Ouch.

So people could really be selfless. People like Jaehyun.

Even though you were older, you were still able to learn so much from him.

“You don’t fit my narrative at all,” you reluctantly confessed. “But I am willing to change it.”

He lifted his head to face you and smiled in agreement. “There you go, all good now.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you too.”

“So, Europe,” you picked up the topic again, swung your legs onto the bed and leaned back into the pillows. “Which countries excite you the most?”

That afternoon, you learned that Jaehyun had never been outside of the country, which really shocked you considering how wealthy his family was. But you also learned that, as the only son of successful business people, there had never been more to his world than his parents’ own little world. They had offered to send him abroad to study, but he had declined as he had never been on his own and got cold feet. Something he deeply regretted now.

You realized that Jaehyun had been living under the pressure and expectations of his strict parents all along and was only now slowly discovering the world. The fact that he fully went out in university, additionally with another woman by his side almost every night, was a response to his upbringing. You had studied this in your major.

It was the mere acts of a boy who had only discovered freedom, as he should.

“Living on my own was already a huge step towards independence. I can’t wait to see more of the world,” he elaborated, sitting on your bedside now. “Have you already been somewhere out of the country?”

“Japan and Vietnam, yes,” you replied and yawned. “But that was a long time ago, even before I studied.”

“You’ve never been to Europe either?” You shook your head. “Then you should consider coming with me.”

“I’ll probably be a teacher soon, Jaehyun. Even now, I hardly get any time off, so sadly, I won’t be able to do that. But it’s nice to dream about it. Maybe in the future it will be possible.”

“Hm.” He arose from the mattress and suggested, “You seem tired, how about you take a short nap until dinner? I’ll wake you up then.”

“Oh, that would be nice.” You yawned again. “But what are you going to do until then?”

“Making sure you'll get that job you really want.”

He was fascinating you more and more with each bypassing day.

____

During dinner, you were seated at the Nams’ table, exactly at the opposite of the married couple. You didn’t miss the fact that Mrs. Nam seemed to be in really high spirits, and she and her husband had asked about your wellbeing more than once.

“Tell us, Mr. Jeong, how did you meet your fiancée?” Mr. Nam eventually wanted to know from Jaehyun. 

You had prepared yourselves for this, you had made up an entire story about your first meeting with all the details someone could be curious about, and the rest you would just improvise. Jaehyun was supposed to say that you had met in university since you had both aged him up to fit the storyline.

“We first met when she moved into the apartment next to mine.”

Thank god you were already done with the main course, because you were sure you would have choked on your grilled beef they had served earlier.

“It was early in the morning, just a few days after she moved in. She was in a rush and I had just come back from an all nighter at the library. It was exam time and I suppose she was also in a hurry because of these circumstances.”

At least Jaehyun stayed true to the fake story by making you both university students. But what was he up to, why didn’t he follow your plan in all details? 

You desperately tried to lock eyes with him to give him some kind of signal to stop this, but he ignored you on purpose and just smiled at the guests while telling the story. Though he reached his hand out to your lap, searched for your fingers and embraced them as though in reassurance. Reassurance about what when he was not acting according to the plan at all?

“I was in the lobby, about to get on the elevator when the doors opened and a young woman stormed out of it. She had her bag in one hand, books and her jacket in the other, as well as a cup of coffee balancing on her fingers. She unsuccessfully tried to close the lid with the hand that was holding her bag.”

Wait… 

This was not a made up story. You vaguely remembered being in such a situation shortly after you had moved in. Instead of running late to university, you were running late to work, because you had calculated the commute time wrongly from this part of the city, even though it was closer to the kindergarten. You had successfully wiped this memory out of your mind, for the reason of…

“She was so caught up with her stuff that she didn’t see me and just stormed out of the elevator as soon as the door opened,” Jaehyun continued and earned a few giggles from the listeners. “She bumped right into me and the next moment, I had her coffee all over my shirt.”

… for this exact reason. It was too embarrassing to be kept as a memory. And the guy from that fateful having turned out to be Jaehyun himself was the cherry on top. Why had he never said a word about this incident?

Your embarrassment visibly showed on your cheeks as their color changed, gaining you a few amiable gazes from the guests. 

“She barely looked up as she apologized and tried to drop all her things to clean up the mess.”

“But I didn’t,” you remembered, speaking out loudly, “because you said I should hurry up and go to wherever I needed to go right now, and then cleaned everything up yourself.”

“Exactly,” Jaehyun laughed and a few joined. “You apologized three times and ran out, and I cleaned up the mess with the help of the lobbyist. I knew someone in such a haste had to be somewhere important early in the morning, and I didn’t want to be a hindrance to that, even though I didn’t know you yet.”

A few women at the table let out an “awww”, Mrs. Nam being one of them. 

Now, Jaehyun turned to you and met your confused face with a confident expression of his own. “I had barely looked up,” you added, “because I was too embarrassed, so I couldn’t remember your face. I was just hoping that I would never meet that person again, whoever it might have been.”

Jaehyun addressed the guests and declared, “Fate was not on her side when it turned out to be her next-door-neighbor. Luckily for her, I never mentioned it.”

Laughers from all sides now and you had a hard time keeping your mouth closed that was constantly on the verge of falling agape at this story. You had had no idea.

“Why not?” you then pressed the topic, your role threatening to crumble as you quickly filled in, “I think everyone here is curious as to why you have never told me until we got together.”

“Because I knew how hard working and busy you always were.” You returned to looking at each other, now unsure whether he spoke through his role or spoke as Jaehyun himself. “And I didn’t want to teeter your attention and let our first meeting get overshadowed by an embarrassing moment for you that might bear negative echoes. From that day on though, I was determined to win you over another way and kept this story a secret for later on. I just haven’t expected how difficult that would be.”

“A real gentleman,” a woman commented and she gently nudged her husband in the side.

“For two months, I was trying so many things to get her attention. But it turned out to be rather challenging, because this woman wouldn’t look at me even once if it was not for pouring coffee all over me.” Jaehyun covered his face with the back of his hand as if shyness threatened to break through. “I held the door open for her, waited for her in the lobby, took the same elevator or coincidentally ran into her in the convenience store. All to no avail. She didn’t spare me a single glance again. Not even when my attempts went more…” He paused and withdrew his hand, letting a serious expression full of regret flash by his face before it returned to his gleeful mien, “... vocal. I think at some point, she even started resenting me. But for me, it was enough. She finally recognized me.”

You didn’t know what to feel. It was a totally new story for you, and you were so sure he had just come up with it. But on the other hand, the entire storytelling sounded too real, too full of details and emotions to have just been made up on the spot. 

And the way he looked at you while telling all that... It was a story for the public, but the way he delivered it, the way he still held your hand under the table, indicated that he was telling it to you, and only you. The entire table, even the room, didn’t exist anymore, only you two.

Your fingers started to tremble.

“So, how did you eventually win her over?” Mrs. Nam asked curiously and Jaehyun’s gaze swiftly shifted to hers before returning to you. 

“I found out she needed help with a small favor, so I offered it to her. As to not make it so obvious and awkward for her again, I feigned to not be as good at studying as I actually am and needed to get tutored by her. Otherwise she would have never accepted my help without giving anything in return, or the feeling of it. And the rest is history.”

The crowd was partially in awe and partially shocked at this bold move. You belonged to the latter. Was this still part of your scheme? Then why was he telling the story so close to the truth?

“Mr. Jeong saw what he wanted and went for it,” Mr. Nam concluded. “That’s a true businessman here.”

“How did you react?” Mrs. Nam then wanted to know from you. “Finding out he schemed his way into your heart?”

It was supposed to be a funny remark, but you were not amused by it one bit. Yet, you brought yourself to crack a smile that was far too crooked to be genuine and shook off Jaehyun’s hand from yours. 

Luckily, no one noticed. 

Except for Jaehyun himself.

“I was totally shocked,” you answered Mrs. Nam. “But it turns out his scheming abilities have become really beneficial for him as he’s always geeting what he wants, am I right?”

Everyone at the table failed to notice your disappointed tone and made the connection to Jaehyun’s business skills as they all started talking again, first complimenting his traits, then falling back into a talk about what to invest in next.

Dessert arrived the next moment, but as you looked at the Panna Cotta in front of you, you didn’t crave for it one bit anymore. In fact, you felt sick to your stomach, and Jaehyun, whose hand now was placed on your thigh in a comforting gesture to make amends, was the cause of all this.

“Excuse me,” you quietly apologized, but nobody noticed you arising from your seat and then disappearing into the hallway.

Jaehyun followed you instantly.

____

“I’ve been in love with you since the first time we met. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Shut up, Jaehyun, I don’t want to hear a single word anymore!”

He was right at the other side of the door, waiting patiently while you were sitting at the other side in your room, grabbing your head in despair and trying to string together the words that had just come out of his mouth. 

“But it’s true,” he said with a softer voice now. “What more can I say for you to believe me?”

“All these women…” It just didn’t make sense in your head. “You wanted me and still were with all these women.”

“I was only with them, because I couldn’t be with you. Sometimes, I’m just… a little boy still. What else was there for me to do when the woman I love wouldn’t even look at me? I’d rather had her look at me with disgust than not looking at me at all.”

A long pause followed. 

“Yes, you’re just a little boy, Jaehyun. You’d rather trick me than tell me the truth straight up.”

“What would you have said if I had one day just appeared at your doorstep and asked you out? Me, a student, five years your junior, who cannot even compare to the men you meet every day at your job? Sometimes, I regretted wanting to go a different path than what my parents mapped out for me just so that I could keep up with them. But I thought, if you finally got to know the real me, all my other qualities, you would eventually see that I am indeed a match to them. A match for you.”

“But that is no valid reason to lie to me! First the tutoring lessons that you clearly didn’t need just to spend time with me, then…” You gasped. “Had you also lied about getting locked out on that day you appeared at the kindergarten?”

The day he had suddenly exchanged his casual clothes for decent ones and had dyed his hair back to dark. That had not been a fateful coincidence. The fact that he had come to your kindergarten on that exact day dressed like that, it had all been carefully planned.

“I knew you probably thought I wouldn’t be the right candidate for that role with my appearance back then, so I wanted to prove to you that I, indeed, was the best choice with my background, and adapted according to the circumstances. I genuinely wanted to help you, even if not for selfless purposes only. I wanted you to want me too.”

“You tricked me, you manipulated me, and you schemed all your way into my heart.”

You heard him shuffle through the door, probably as perplexed as you were as you repeated your last words in your head. Oh no. You were grateful that he let it pass by him though.

“I’m deeply sorry. I am just a boy who didn’t know how to handle his feelings and who was used to getting whatever he wanted. I think I still have a long way to go to grow up.”

You pulled your knees close to your chest and hugged your arms around your legs. “Why today? Why did you choose today to reveal everything? In front of all these people? Was it one of your schemes too?”

“Not once did I have in mind that I wanted to hurt you. I came out with my feelings today, because they were genuine, and your reaction would be genuine too. And it worked, everyone out there believed it. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Yes, this was everything that you had wanted. But why was it hurting so much then? Not only because Jaehyun had gone through all these lengths to make your dream come true, but also because you had wasted this much time together. So, so much time.

“So what if I disposed of you right after this?” Your voice sounded icier than it was supposed to, and he noticed it. “Would you have told everyone the truth out of spite?”

“After all, is that what you still think of me?” His pain was almost palpable and you regretted your question right away. Perhaps, because you wanted him to answer differently, but he replied just like you had secretly wanted him to, “If I had helped you make your dream come true, and you had still chosen them over me, then yes, I would have been very hurt. But I would have been happy for you, too. Isn’t that what love is about?”

This was probably the most mature thing he had said to you today. “And if I had chosen you?”

“After tonight, I believe that if it comes down to me and them, you would pick them.”

Was that what he was thinking of you now? Your heart ached when you asked, “Why do you think that?”

“I saw what you’re dealing with, what you try to achieve. You are too much of a hard worker to throw this all away for a normal student with no real plans, no perspective. Someone who can offer you nothing but a promise that he will work hard to help you achieve everything you want.”

A student with no perspective. Was that how Jaehyun saw himself? 

Yes, he had grown up in a business environment and surrounded by wealth, but he was an enrichment to your life without all that too, in ways your workplace and the people in it had never been. Yes, you loved your job and your students, they were the center of your world, and you were working so very hard for achievement after achievement. 

So hard that it had totally passed by you that you yourself had been the center of the world for someone, and it was actually nice to finally have a person look at you when you had only been overlooked by exactly these people before, who you were trying so hard to impress. And what for?

Jaehyun might only offer promises, but he always made sure to live up to them. Wasn’t this worth so much more?

“I’ll go downstairs again,” he then announced quietly when you didn’t say something in an uncomfortable long time. “If you don’t feel like coming, you can stay here and I’ll find an excuse, don’t worry about that.”

Your front teeth sank into your bottom lip. Jaehyun had been right. Perhaps, you would have called him an idiot for having asked you out the very first day you met. 

“Idiot!” you called out to him now for a whole other reason as you opened the door and dashed after him.

With much surprise twinkling in his eyes, you now stood in front of him and crossed your arms. 

“What?”

“You’re an idiot,” you repeated. “If you believe that after everything, when it comes down between you and them, I’d pick them, then you’re an idiot. Because I’d pick you.”

Jaehyun didn’t have much time to process what you had just said as you slung your arms around his neck and pulled him down to you. 

The moment you kissed Jaehyun for the very first time you realized that all of this might not have entirely been a scheme at all, from both of your sides. 

He kissed you back with much passion and fierceness, and you felt that exactly these feelings had been lingering inside of you as well.

You just weren’t sure for how long already. In the end, it didn’t really matter.

____

“Here?” you asked Jaehyun with widened eyes when you fell back on the bed.

He crawled on top of you. “Do you think I’ll wait any longer for this?”

“But everyone is still downstairs, finishing dinner.”

“Good,” he whispered and kissed your neck. “Then no one will hear us.”

You chuckled when his playful pecks turned into sensual kisses and he eventually started sucking on the sensitive skin. Goose bumps spread all over your upper body, and you couldn’t remember when you had last been with a man while Jaehyun… You balked.

Immediately, he heaved up his head, looking at you with a surprised expression. He stroked your temple. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t want to admit it. The fact that you felt intimidated by his experience despite you being older. That you felt inferior to all the women he’d ever let in his bed that were far prettier than you. Or so you thought.

But Jaehyun didn’t share your opinion when you hesitantly tried to explain your worries to him.

“You don’t have to worry about any noise coming from my apartment anymore. Because you’re the only one who’s gonna lie in my bed from now on. Okay?”

“Okay.” You giggled when he kissed your cheek. “I really like that.”

Jaehyun sat back up on his knees while suggesting you to keep laying still. He reached out his hands and unbuttoned your blouse. You helped him take off the piece of clothing by winding your body to the side for better access. He then brought his head down to the beginning of your breast and placed a light kiss on a spot that made you shudder. 

With both his pointer fingers, he then searched for the straps of your bra and pulled them aside. You wiggled your arms out of the tightness it had provided, having Jaehyun drag the underwear down enough only for your breasts to lay bare. You turned your gaze to the ceiling and hoped he wouldn't notice your flushed cheeks as you weren’t quite sure what to do or how to behave anymore. 

But Jaehyun, on the contrary, knew exactly what he was doing and how to behave. He put your nipple between his lips and started sucking on it, supporting his body with one hand. A pleasurable feeling streamed through your body whenever he wetted the mound and had his teeth gently tug on it. 

With his free hand, he massaged your other breast that had still remained untouched, and the blissful feeling of being pleasured on both sides suddenly started coiling between your legs where you already felt Jaehyun growing hard in between.

“You like that?” He was suddenly up by your ear again, muttering, “By the sounds you make, I take it as a yes.”

You had made sounds? You hadn’t been aware of that, but Jaehyun seemed to enjoy it very much, judging the way he beamed at you. 

He helped you up to a seated position so that you were able to take off your bra entirely before he let you fall back onto the mattress. Jaehyun had his own shirt unbuttoned and on the floor the next moment, and you swallowed a gasp at how well built he actually was. Prominent muscles showed off abs and his arms were unexpectedly muscular. You stared at him in awe, somehow desiring to have his arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

“Like what you see?” He flashed a grin.

Jaehyun was on his knees now, fiddling with his belt that he intended to open, but you couldn’t wait that long to finally touch him. So you arose from your position and grabbed him by his belt yourself. With one swift motion, you had him freed from this barrier, but didn’t withdraw your hands right away. Instead, you unbuttoned and unzipped his pants yourself.

Jaehyun stayed patiently silent during your actions, his hand entangled in the hair at the back of your head. When you were about to drag down his pants, a huge bulge was already foreshadowing what you would find underneath. Yet, you still let out a gasp when you slid down his boxers and his cock sprang free in front of you. 

You lifted your hands, but then halted. “May I…?”

You didn’t know if asking was even necessary, but given that it was your first time with him, you wanted to be sure that he really wanted his intimate favors to be returned. 

“You may do whatever you want with it,” Jaehyun growled in anticipation of what was about to come.

You cupped his entire length with one hand and watched in amusement how his head rolled back in satisfaction. His chest irregularly lifted with each breath when you started moving your hand up and down. 

You cracked a smile, speeding up your motions that then elicited moans out of Jaehyun that he eventually successfully suppressed through gritted teeth. People were still dining downstairs, but you also didn’t want to risk being overheard. With your thumb, you slid over the tip of his dick that was already wet and sticky from his precum.

You looked up to Jaehyun who turned his gaze down to you, probably wondering why you had suddenly stopped. But then he found you looking at him with much lust, bringing your thumb to your mouth from where you then licked up all his precum.

It was one of the hottest things Jaehyun had ever seen, and he immediately brought your faces together to kiss you passionately and fiercely.

Not much later, you were laying on your back again, entirely naked this time, and Jaehyun was settled between your legs, his elbows braced against the mattress on either side of your head. He nudged you to open your thighs, and you were more than willing to finally welcome him.

Jaehyun did everything in his might to reassure you as you distorted your face at the sharp pain shooting through your lower abdomen upon him entering you with his tip. It had been a long time, so your body was not adjusted to this kind of stretching anymore, and it let you feel it. 

Jaehyun moved very slowly though, with pauses in between, until he was fully sheathed inside of you. And eventually, when he stilled to let you adapt, pain turned into the long awaited pleasure. Suddenly, him filling you out so fully was not an inconvenience anymore, but something inside you screamed for him to go deeper than that so that you would feel more of him. 

Your fingers interlaced in the back of Jaehyun’s neck and his lips came down to kiss you over and over again. He wanted to be assured that you were really okay with him continuing before he ultimately started stroking. 

It still stung when he withdrew himself. But after only two thrusts, you felt nothing anymore except for the ungraspable desire for him to push inside you again. And again. And again. Whenever he pulled out, you couldn’t bear to have him in this position for too long, because you wanted him to hit the spot he had just found. And again. And again.

“Shhhh-” Jaehyun halted and laughed quietly before kissing you. “You want everyone to hear you now?”

“Oh!” You brought your hands in front of your mouth to suffocate the moans that you apparently had let out unconsciously. “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t ever be sorry. You can moan if you don’t mind them.”

But you shook your head. “I don't want them to hear, but I just can’t help it.”

Jaehyun nodded in understanding and started thrusting into you again. And again, you let out a moan despite your efforts to keep your lips sealed. You slid your arms under his and hugged his back. Simultaneously, you brought your legs up and hooked them behind him. The bed shook under you, but luckily it was not making much noise. 

Gently, you bit into Jaehyun’s shoulder to muffle your sounds, and as he didn’t react to it with a wince of pain, you got assured that it was okay for him. On the contrary, he got even braver now. Where he had seemingly been holding himself back this entire time, he was now grabbing the headboard and used it as a support to speed up his stroking game. 

He slammed into you over and over, and you were holding onto him like a lifeline now with your head buried in his chest. Your thighs tensed around his hips as you felt the pleasure that had accompanied you all throughout the act coiling up to a destructive ball between your legs. It tugged on every fiber of your body, and you had to squeeze your eyes shut to focus on it, otherwise, you thought, it would tear you apart.

“Oh, Jaehyun,” you breathed, your nails digging deep into his skin on the back. “I-”

You let out a long breath, very well aware of the fact that when the feeling finally came crashing down on you, you would be in no position to hold in the noises that would pass your lips. 

You then were petrified, eyes widening in shock when you suddenly overheard steps and noises in the hallway. People had finished dinner and were now returning to their rooms, it seemed. There was no way you could now end this with noises!

Jaehyun was very well aware of your surroundings too though, but was not determined to let anyone disrupt what he had been dreaming to do to you for months already. He nodded in silence and pressed you back down on the mattress. With his palm flat, he then covered your mouth, but made sure your nostrils were still free for you to breathe properly. You looked at him with glistening eyes, your arms now loose around his neck.

“Scream,” he summoned. “Scream all you want. I’ll make sure nobody will hear you.”

And you did. 

You screamed your heart out into his hand when you came undone beneath him, fingers scratching over his shoulders and toes curled up as your entire body convulsed. And he drowned every single sound so that nobody could hear you except for him only.

When Jaehyun let go of you with a sneaky grin, your mouth was dry and your vision blurry, but you could still watch his sweaty chest arise above you when he prepared himself for his own heights. Deep toned moans entered your ears and you smiled softly as you let him cum all inside you with a few more thrusts that eventually slowed down.

Jaehyun fell limply next to you, but, with his remaining strength, he still managed to pull you up to his chest so that you could find a comfortable spot there. It was already dark outside and you heard one door close after another, indicating that people were now ending the day.

“So, you still want to sleep with a wall of pillows between us?” Jaehyun teased and played with a strand of your hair.

You laughed when you remembered how you had initially been so worried about the one bed setup. 

Now, it was very conventional.

____

You only remembered falling asleep and dreaming soundly in Jaehyun’s arms after two more rounds of muffled screams and shaking orgasms. 

When you woke up much later, still in the middle of the night though, those arms that had held you warm were no longer wrapped around you, and your bed was missing his body.

Your first thought was that Jaehyun had fled and your heart jumped to your throat. That he had realized he didn’t want you after all and just dropped you like that. That you were, in fact, unlovable.

You slowly started to calm down again though when you saw his bag still laying where he had placed it and part of his clothes that he had worn the evening before still neatly folded on the chair in front of the dressing table. 

“Jaehyun?” you asked carefully when you got out of the bed and threw on your pajama pants and a t-shirt. 

You approached the bathroom, but no light was coming from inside, indicating that no one was in there after all, and when you eventually opened the door, you found out that you had been correct. 

Where could he have disappeared to? It was so odd. 

You slid into your slippers with the intention of leaving the room as quietly as possible. You knew you could have also waited for Jaehyun to return, but something inside you wouldn’t be able to casually get back to sleep without an anxious feeling, so you needed to get rid of it in an instant and find him.

You didn’t need to look for long though. The moment you opened the door, he was already standing right in front of you, not less surprised by your sudden appearance as vice versa. 

“Where have you been?” you whispered when he closed the door behind him after stepping into the room.

With a swift motion, he held a bottle of water in front of you. “I was thirsty, so I went to get something to drink from the kitchen.”

“Oh…” You had been so anxious for nothing. 

“What?” he grinned when he went over to the table and placed the bottle on it. “You thought I sneaked out in the middle of the night?”

You shrugged and seated yourself on the bedside with a long sigh while Jaehyun opened the water bottle and drank from it. “When I woke up after my nap this afternoon, you weren’t here either. I know you went to the talk with the Nams, but…”

Jaehyun placed the bottle down again and closed the lid. “Were you afraid I had suddenly left? Or worse… that I was with another woman?”

“Well…” You averted your gaze by turning your head to the side. “You’ve been with many women after all. And I’ve always heard everything.”

Jaehyun didn’t respond until he stood in front of you and had your face cupped with his hands. “What if I tell you that throughout this childish act, there has always been just one woman I wanted to be with, and now that I have her, I don’t need anyone else anymore?”

You lowered your gaze and smiled reluctantly. Despite the darkness, you saw the entire truth flicker in his eyes and believed every word that he said. Why shouldn’t you after all? He had done all this just for you.

“I believe you.”

“Very well.” He kissed you and crawled back into the bed to where you followed him. “So, what should we do when we return home tomorrow?”

You first got on your knees and fluffed up your pillow. “What do you mean?”

Jaehyun grabbed you by your arm and pulled you towards him. The next moment, you laid with your stomach flat on top of him and he brushed through your hair, gently kissing your parting. “I don’t mean we have to get married by the time of your promotion. Yet.” You blushed, but luckily he couldn’t see. “But if you start going out with me, I’d be just as happy, Miss Neighbor.”

You braced your arms against the mattress and lifted your upper body up so that you could wind yourself and face him. “If you think I would ever give up that spot next to you on the bed now, then you’re so wrong.”

“I like the way you think.” 

A deep kiss followed, only interrupted by your muffled whimpers when he pulled down your pants and nudged hard between your legs again.

____

You had parted with the hosts on magnificent terms with Mr. Nam exclusively promising you that he would vote for you to get the job. As of this weekend, you, with the help of your fake fiancé turned real boyfriend, had proven to be the best candidate for the soon to be open position, and if anyone still thought otherwise, Mr. Nam would convince them himself. 

Mrs. Nam had only silently nodded, seeming displeased over something, but you didn’t bother too much about her mood swings since you had never liked her anyway. If you had her husband’s word, then nothing else mattered anymore.

You had one week left to prepare yourself for the meeting with the board, but since everything seemed to be home and dry, you could relax most days and spent every night at your neighbor’s over there in room 803. 

“Scream,” Jaehyun had said the first time you went next door, sitting naked on top of him with your hips locked on his. He had let his hands roam over your cheeks and squeezed tightly into the flesh. “You can scream as loud as you want here. Don’t care about the neighbors.”

And, as a matter of fact, the screams that came out of room 803 from that night on, only belonged to you.

____

“I’m very sorry to deliver this message to you, miss,” the director said, “but we cannot offer you the position at our kindergarten in this city.”

In front of you, you visibly saw your whole world shatter.

What had gone wrong? Had you not spoken to the Nams just last weekend, who had promised you that you had secured the position already and the rest were only formalities? What had happened in the past days that must have apparently changed their minds completely?

“I’m sorry, I think I might have misunderstood,” you apologized, “I assumed the parents who are also part of the investor group, for example Mr. and Mrs. Nam, also have a say in this. Do they not?”

You had already been welcomed with a dreadful feeling when you had opened the door and only found the director sitting in the room. None of the others had been present unlike the last time. Still, you had hoped that you were wrong.

“Oh, they do, miss. Actually, every parent has approved of you.”

“Then, what changed your mind?” You had a really hard time keeping your voice at a respectful level. You had done everything they had expected of you. Save from… “Is it because I’m still not married? They all know I’m engaged and they know my fiancé. I can always hand in a copy of the certificate later, but we do not have a date yet.”

“Miss…” The director lifted up his hand, smiling this time. “I said we cannot offer you the position at our kindergarten in this city. I repeat the last words: in this city.”

Your brows drew together in skepsis. “So that means…” You didn’t want to speak out loud what you were thinking as you didn’t know yet whether these were better or worse news.

“Congratulations!” The director arose from his chair, rounded the table and approached you. “We offer you the position of an elementary school teacher in one of our Shi-A schools in Busan!”

“In… Busan?”

It was odd how the city’s name was the first word that resonated in your head. Not “elementary school teacher” which even meant a significant upgrade from your current position. But the city’s name. A city on the other side of the country where you would need to move to if you accepted this position. Which meant in retrospect that you had to move out of your current apartment, away from…

“Miss?” The director looked at you curiously. “Are you not pleased about this?”

“I am!” you corrected yourself. “I am truly happy over the fact that you offer me an even higher position now.”

“Fantastic! We are aware that you will have to move then, but don’t worry about the logistics, we will provide for all expenses you need. You can start with the new semester, so there is plenty of time. Isn’t it fortunate?”

He wasn’t aware of the fact that this, indeed, was really unfortunate for you.

____

Not long after you had gotten the work contract to read through and sign until the week after that, you were standing outside of the director’s room, petrified to the core. Too many thoughts were flying into your head that you struggled with to organize. 

This was your dream. This was your dream coming true, yet…

“Not happy about your new position after all?” 

In front of you stood Mrs. Nam, arms folded across her chest, standing high on her heels. Her lips were curled up to a smile that was all too wicked and did not resemble the persona she had shown to you the majority of the past weekend. 

You were at a loss for words as you couldn’t define her expression, but she was happy enough to help you out when she explained, “In the beginning, I fancied your fiancé very much. I thought he wouldn’t say no to a bit of fun with me. Nobody ever had. Until then. Or should I better say… fake fiancé?” Your mouth fell agape, but you were quick to close it with a hard swallow. “Yes, my chin also dropped when I overheard your little conversation after dinner.”

“Let me ex-”

But she only lifted her hand to gesture to you to stop speaking. Her nostrils flared, anger clearly mirrored in her eyes. “After our tennis match, before I found out the truth between you two, I met with him and suggested that he would come to me during nighttime. I had so much fun watching you being all giddy during dinner, knowing that once you’d be asleep, he’d slip into my bed.”

You needed a moment to process everything she had said. When you had been asleep, Jaehyun had met with Mrs. Nam who had then offered him a place in her bed? You were furious. A married woman making advances on a taken man… you had heard about her reputation among the childrens’ mothers, but never had you thought that one day, you would become her victim too. 

But more so… Another thought suddenly cut off the air in your lungs. “Jaehyun has not declined?”

Her eyes narrowed. “He hasn’t declined.” Your heart dropped. “When we met during the night, I didn’t mention what I found out. I didn’t care if it meant I could see him more often. But he had recorded the entire conversation and then dared to blackmail me. That bastard had followed his own plan all along. He told me that if you wouldn’t get this position without him needing to share my bed, then he’d play it to my husband, to the entire board and the school if necessary. I told him that if he did that, I would tell everyone you weren’t even together. Unfortunately for me, unlike him, I didn’t have any proof.”

Suddenly, you felt like you could breathe again. Jaehyun hadn’t declined her invitation, because he had his own scheme mapped out and wanted to help you all along.

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” you asked sharply. “Luring taken men into your bed as a married woman?”

She raised one brow in questioning. “As far as I know, he hasn’t been taken at that time, am I right?” Unfortunately, she was, but you kept quiet. “The men I’ve been with have never once been happy in their marriage or have drifted apart from their partner already. At best, they already had affairs going on. The only mistake I made this time was choosing someone who I thought was a naive kid. My fault.”

“Is that why you’re sending me away? To get revenge on him for doing what was right and not betraying me?”

Mrs. Nam slowly moved her head from one side to the other. “I’m not sending you away, otherwise my husband would start questioning. I’m giving you a choice. Either stay here in your old position or move to chase after a more glorious future. After all, that’s what you want, right? The lengths you’re going through to get what you want? What’s making you so different from me, then?”

She had thrown the truth over you like a bucket of ice cold water. You had lied your way into the promotion and dragged Jaehyun along with you in the process. Were you really different from them? It was written all over your face, apparently.

“Exactly.” Mrs. Nam grinned. “You remind me of me when I was younger. I also wanted power and wealth, and eventually got trapped in a loveless marriage. I’m not heartless, miss. After all, it only takes me a few phone calls to ruin your fake fiancé and everyone related to him. His little audio has nothing on my power.”

“Then why?” The contract was rattling in your shaking hands. “Why give me a choice in the first place and not fire me on the spot?”

“My daughter adores you very much, she talks about you every day.” A flash of regret passed over her face, but before you could catch the entire meaning of it, it had already vanished. Perhaps, she cared more about her daughter than she had let seen past, but failed to show it. “Back in the days, I made the wrong decision on what to choose. Perhaps, I hope, you’re going to make the right one.” She turned on her heels and lifted up her hand as though she wanted to bid farewell to you. “I’m sure you’ll know what to do.”

The contract was still shaking in your hand long after she had left.

____

When you walked into Jaehyun’s apartment later that day, your face was still like stone, the contract also still in your hands. 

On your entire way back home, you had read through each paragraph over and over again. It sounded too good to be true. Nearly the double amount of salary, more days off during vacation and your own assistant teacher. You were offered to teach the first two years of elementary school and if necessary, they would even provide housing for the first three months.

This was everything you’d ever worked hard for and dreamt of. 

“I got offered the position of an elementary school teacher from next semester on,” you declared nearly absent-mindedly as you sank down on the couch and handed him over the contract. 

“Congratulations!” Jaehyun wore a solemn expression on his face when he flopped down on the cushion next to you. “You want to celebrate?”

His happiness pulled you out of your thoughts and you faced him with an agonized expression. “There is nothing to celebrate about this, Jaehyun! The position is in Busan! That’s on the other side of the country!”

“Okay calm down…” When you made attempts to arise, he touched your upper arm and indicated to you to stay seated. “I know where Busan is. That’s no problem. I’ll just go with you, because I’ll finish university in two months anyway. And after that…”

You cracked a pained smile. “After that you want to go to Europe.”

He shook his head. “I don’t need to go to Europe. I can go with you and find a job there.”

“And not living your dream? What you have worked so hard towards after you helped me achieve everything that I wanted? You want to drop that?”

He looked at you like you had just uttered the most ridiculous question someone could ask. “You’re more important to me than that dream.”

“Was that what you also thought when you blackmailed Mrs. Nam?”

Jaehyun drew in a sharp breath. “So you know.”

“You lied to me again!” you yelled. “When will you ever stop lying to me about serious stuff, Jaehyun?”

“I was about to tell you as soon as I knew about the offer, when your position was secured! I saw the chance and I took it! What did she tell you?”

You told him about your encounter with the parent and had arisen from your seated position by the time you finished, walking around the living room in nervous circles now. 

“She didn’t just suggest it,” Jaehyun opposed. “She told me, for you to get this position, I’d need to sleep with her, otherwise she would tell her husband what a bad teacher you are. And I was absolutely not going to do it, so I thought if she dared to blackmail me, I could do the same and pretend to be interested just to let it all blow into her face. What would you have done if you knew? There was absolutely nothing you could have done! I turned the situation to your advantage!”

“She could have come forward with the entire truth! She could have gotten me fired and your true identity revealed!” You came to a halt in front of him on the couch and he took your hand into his, trying to calm you down. “Do you know what that could have meant? If you had informed me, we could have tried to figure it out together!”

“And then for you to resent them and quit what you were working so hard for? I was not about to risk that! I was only acting in your best interest.”

You wiggled your hands out of his and shifted around, away from him. “You put both of our futures at risk by doing that, Jaehyun! What if exactly the opposite had happened? What then? Would you have taken responsibility for it?”

He didn’t say anything for a long time and you braced your hands against the table, losing a long breath. 

“I just… I just wanted to help.”

“I didn’t ask for your help! I never had! Look at what happened!”

You were just so, so frustrated. You had only gotten this offer, because Jaehyun had interfered. You had only been invited to the getaway weekend, because Jaehyun had interfered. You had only fallen into the parents’ favors, because Jaehyun had interfered. 

Had you achieved all this without him as well? Something inside you was assured that you wouldn’t have.

And you resented him for that.

“In the end, you’ve ruined everything I’ve planned and worked so hard for! Had you not come into the picture at all, then I would have gained their favors myself! After I’ve gotten the offer, I would have announced my separation and everything would have been fine!”

Suddenly, Jaehyun was behind you, turning you around by your shoulders. “You know that’s not true,” he said calmly. “I know how these people are, and you now know too. It wouldn’t have worked.”

Yes, you knew. That was why your resentment was so strong. Everything you had ‘achieved’ was ‘achieved’ through a man, with the help of a man. Even the board had only consisted of men, and in the end, Mr. Nam had given you his permission after having bonded with Jaehyun, not yourself. 

This was not entirely your own achievement. Everything you had worked so hard for, was in vain in the end, because Jaehyun had only needed to do a bit of small talk, play with his charms, and they were butter in his hands.

Yet, it still hadn’t all worked out in your favor.

“I also have the option to stay, but only in my old position.” 

“As I said,” Jaehyun interrupted you with a gentle voice, “I’ll go wherever you go.”

But you weren’t sure whether you wanted this.

You moved past him and grabbed your purse from the couch. “I need time to think.”

When you walked out of Jaehyun’s apartment, you found two neighbors in the hallway, talking to each other. 

One of them was Mrs. Choi and the other person was the neighbor with the dog. They were trying hard to pretend that they hadn’t eavesdropped all the yelling coming out of room 803 earlier as opposed to the usual noise, and greeted you, but you just ignored them.

That night, you didn’t return to Jaehyun’s room.

____

When you had first voiced the desire to become a teacher, your priority was to support and foster children who really needed special attention. Those who got overlooked in school, who suffered from the intense pressure and who possessed talents that weren’t recognized.

You had landed the assistant teacher position in that prestigious private kindergarten, because you had been sent there from your former teacher’s program when the previous one needed to be admitted to the hospital due to severe burnout. She had never returned and you were able to stay as it was in the middle of the semester. It had been sheer luck.

As an assistant teacher, you were only doing that: assisting. None of the things that had driven you to study this major could have come to use yet, and you were tired. You wanted to become a real teacher, because you thought you could finally get the wheels rolling this way.

Jaehyun saw it in your eyes the moment you opened the door. “You’re going to Busan.”

You bit into your lower lip, nodding almost noticeably. “I’ll go to Busan.”

“Without me.” He smiled in defeat.

“Yes.”

“Is it so hard for you?” he asked. “To just let people you love into your life?”

“It’s not that I go because I don’t love you.”

He had you in his arms and inside his apartment before the first tear fell. “I know. I love you too.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears dropped onto his shirt and lifted your arms, holding meekly onto the fabric. “You’re just so young and you’re going to finish your studies soon. You shouldn’t go with me.”

Quietly, he whispered into your hair, “I know.”

If Jaehyun went with you, he would give up his dream of finally breaking free from his parents and seeing the world. You were not going to rob him of that. If you didn’t go, you would need to give up your own dream, and he wouldn’t want that either. 

Perhaps, it was because you were older and more experienced than Jaehyun, but you had felt from the beginning that whatever you had started was going to find an end soon anyway. There was just no future for two people who were at such different stages in their life. 

Sometimes in life, there were no winners in love.

You snuggled up to him more and sobbed, “I’m really grateful for what you have done for me. Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to come so far.”

In the end, you had come to your senses. You were not going to throw his selfless acts away and accepted the gift he had been willing to give to you without anything in return. Just because he selflessly loved you. As simple as that. You were willing to pass this message on to everyone who needed it.

At his age, perhaps it was really this simple to love so fiercely and unconditionally. Later in life though, he would realize that it would take much, much more.

“Nonsense.” Jaehyun chuckled lightly. “You can achieve anything you want, you know that. You were just in the wrong environment. You can still-”

You shook your head and withdrew yourself from his embrace. “It wouldn’t change anything. You helped me achieve my goal and I’m not going to stand in the way of yours. You never dreamed of staying here after your graduation. If you do, even with all the love you hold for me now, you’re going to resent me one day, and I don’t want to take credit for that. Perhaps you don’t understand now, but you will in the future. You have to go.”

Mrs. Nam was wrong. You didn’t choose wealth and power over love. There was a third option. You chose your dream. And Jaehyun should do that too.

“When I’ve finished my travels and started with my business, can I come find you again?”

He wanted a sliver of hope, a silver lining. If it put him at ease, you would give him that, even if the chance was so less, you wouldn’t even dare to dream about it in secrecy.

“I’ll wait for you.”

With the kind of lifestyle Jaehyun had been living before you, you were sure that he would forget about this sliver of hope all too soon.

When he met girls in other countries, he would forget about his neighbor in room 804 at his former apartment complex who had always been so mean to him. Soon, you would only be a blurry picture in a string of memories, joining the ranks of his many, many lovers.

He would not suffer too long, if at all. 

He would be fine, knowing that in the end, you still had picked them over him, just like he had initially predicted.

When Jaehyun kissed you goodbye, you were quite sure that this was the last time you would ever see him again despite living next door, which made getting over this breakup even more painful.

Back in your own room, you took off your fake engagement ring and put it into the far corner of a cramped drawer.

Whenever you went to bed the following days, you hoped that noises would start coming out of room 803 again. 

You were scared that without the noises, he would hear you cry yourself to sleep every night until you nearly passed out from exhaustion and only woke up with a swollen face the next morning over the pain of your heart breaking apart.

But no noise could be heard ever again coming out of room 803.

And it broke you even more, knowing he was suffering as much as you.

____

Two months later, in late December, Jaehyun moved out.

You came home to movers carrying box after box out of his apartment. You had lingered a bit longer at your front door, heart pounding at your throat, just to get a glimpse of Jaehyun for one last time. But he had not been present that day. When you left your apartment a few hours later to grab dinner from the convenience store, his room was entirely empty.

According to the semester plan, he must have finished his last exams by now, so he was unofficially done with his bachelor studies. You doubted he would come back for a ceremony in February, so he was free to do whatever he wanted now. Perhaps, he was sitting on a plane to Italy or France at this very moment. 

A few days later, an elderly woman moved into room 803.

And life went on.

____

One year later

“Teacher, what are you going to do during vacation?” one of your students, a four-year-old-boy, asked.

It was the day before winter break, but working for a public kindergarten meant you would at least get a week to yourself during New Year in January apart from desk warming the remaining break. A week in two months of winter break and thanks to public holidays only, but it was better than nothing at all.

“Perhaps,” you answered while putting one hand crafted paper star after another that the children had made for christmas on the classroom’s windows, “I’ll take a little trip.”

“To where?” another girl, one year older, chimed in. “I’m going to Busan to visit my grandmother!”

“I’m going to Busan too!” the boy then announced. “Teacher, have you ever been to Busan?”

You shook your head, reaching for another star he held out to you. “I’ve never come to visit there. Can you recommend it?”

“Yes!” Both children yelled excitedly. 

“Then I’ll ask you where I should visit when I go there!”

They nodded in acknowledgement and returned back to their work which was crafting more stars so that the entire windows would be covered in them by the end of the day. 

Twice a week, the kindergarteners were divided into different groups which either focused on art or music. The main subjects taught were reading, writing and maths. Apart from that, the children had enough free time to enjoy being real children, which they spent playing together, being outside and getting taught other necessary educational topics like brushing teeth and healthy nutrition in a playful way.

In comparison to Shi-A private kindergarten, where the teachers had paid homage to the parents with impressive courses including Chinese and English, topped with real diplomas and graduation ceremonies as well as teachers who had to work all throughout each break, this public school was where you felt you belonged.

This was where you finally felt you could actually support the children like you had always wanted, in an environment safer for them and their teachers.

And that was the very reason why you had never signed the contract for Shi-A elementary school in Busan in the first place.

In fact, you had never planned on doing so. How else would you have convinced Jaehyun to leave after everything? Just because you couldn’t live your dream didn’t mean he shouldn’t either.

You had never picked other people over him, you had always picked him. 

Before you had gone to him to break up, you had thought about the upcoming decision for very long. You had loved those children, but eventually, they would move on and forget you. While you would have been stuck in a slave contract in a worse environment than before with parents from hell. All the money and other benefits could have never made up for the mental suffering.

It had always been your dream to work for a reputable private school, but one day, you had remembered the little girl inside of you who had not wanted reputation and recognition and was only there to help children.

So you had quit altogether.

And then you had eventually landed a job as a teacher at this public kindergarten where the salary was much lower and the commute took over an hour one way, but the work conditions were much better and the teachers and children just as lovely. The parents were not less strict, but tolerable and nobody tried to sabotage anyone.

Yet nowadays, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that this was still not everything to your life as a teacher. This could not be it, there had to be more you could move in this entire system. You just couldn’t point a finger as to what it could be as this was everything you had ever dreamed of having.

“What are you going to do during our time off?” you asked your assistant teacher. 

“I’m going to meet my boyfriend’s family for the very first time, they’ve invited me to spend New Years with them,” she giggled shyly. “I’m so excited. And you?”

You smiled, happy for everyone who had plans except for you. 

“Perhaps, I’m going on a little trip to Busan. I’ve never been there before.”

____

It was already late when you arrived at home, and as always during winter, it was dark outside now as well. 

While you typed in the door code combination, you wondered which convenience store food you would get for dinner today as again, you were too exhausted to cook something yourself. A small vacation would surely help you relax and start into the new semester more fresh. Yes, you should definitely go to Busan.

You halted though when you opened your front door. Had you accidentally left the lights on?

You hurried through the narrow hall, at one point wondering if you had been robbed during your absence when a voice spoke up before you even reached the living room,

“I still remember your passcode from the day I climbed through your window.”

Jaehyun arose from your couch and your breath caught. 

He was still as handsome as the last time you had seen each other over a year ago. Nicely dressed, hair still dark and neatly combed aside. He looked healthy and happy, and it made you happy too to see him like this.

At one point, you had dropped your bag on the floor while you could do nothing else but stare at him and stare, wondering if this was a dream. One of too many from the past year, of which you had never hoped could ever come true.

“What… are you doing here?” You didn’t know what else to say, you had so many questions.

“I’m living here now.” With a grin, he pointed at a suitcase in the corner of the living room. “Temporarily.”

“Well…” You cleared your throat and feigned braveness. “As far as I remember, your room is the one next to mine, room 803.”

“Yeah, but sadly that one is already occupied by a very nice, elderly lady who was quickly able to assure me that you were still living here.”

Before you could think twice, you had already closed the distance between you two, and he held you tightly in his arms, quietly, for a very long time.

“You liar,” Jaehyun eventually said, with no trace of reproach in his tone though, pressing you even closer to his chest. “You big, fat liar. When I called Shi-A elementary school in Busan. They told me they never heard of you, and when I called your former kindergarten, they said you quit a year ago.”

“I’ll take credit for being a liar this time as opposed to you.” You smiled through your tears when Jaehyun gently pushed you away from him and cupped your face. “I didn’t want you to stay here with me. I didn’t want you to give up on your dream just because I did.”

“Say no more. I understand." His expression was so gentle, his face free of any worry and doubt. “I was a regular student with no real perspective and just one dream. You just told me to do what a good teacher would have told all their students. This time, all the trickery rightfully belonged to you, but I would be really happy if we stop that now.”

You nodded, your tears salty against your lips, but Jaehyun kissed them all away from your cheeks. “I’m so glad you came back,” you sobbed.

“I told you I would.”

It had never been only a sliver a hope for him. It had always been a promise.

“But what if I wouldn’t have been here anymore?”

“Then I would have come to Busan or to wherever in the world to get you.”

You blinked through your blurry vision. “To get me where?”

One corner of Jaehyun’s lips tilted up when he let go of you. “Eventually, my parents came to their senses and didn’t abandon me like they always threatened. The longer I traveled and the more people I met, the more I realized that with my background and roots, I am able to achieve something, to change something, and far faster than anyone else. I am so privileged and took it for granted when I can twist it to an advantage instead of being a selfish brat. When I have the possibility and opportunity, I don’t want to throw it away. So halfway through my trip, I was just building connections for my future. I will join my parents’ business after all, but not to work for them, but for myself. I will build my own sister company.”

“Jaehyun, that’s amazing!” you congratulated him. “I’m happy you figured out your future path! I can assure you, you’re going to do such a great job.”

Sometimes, it just took someone a few months off to figure out where they belonged, what they wanted. If he had followed you, he might or might have not come to the same conclusion. You couldn’t figure out an answer. But what mattered was that he had one after all.

“So all throughout your Europe trip, it was not only drinking and girls?” you teased. 

“Please.” He waved aside. “Everyone was annoyed by the fact that I kept talking about one woman only who I would return to eventually.”

You blushed. “Still, you told me you came to take me. To where, tell me?” 

Jaehyun’s expression turned stern, but hopeful. “To the UK. That’s where I want to build my company, kind of like an overseas branch. I still can’t offer you much, but in a few years, I promise you, when my business is flourishing and we live in a nice townhouse in the center of London with a small garden and a dog and children, you won’t regret it. But…” He halted as though a sudden thought had crossed his mind. “But if you have already found someone who can offer just as much now or even better, then I understand if you decline.”

“How many?” you asked while losing a breath you had been holding in.

“What?”

“How many children?”

Perhaps, that was it, what you were missing. Perhaps, you weren’t supposed to work in this environment for the entirety of your life. Perhaps, just like Jaehyun, you were destined for so much more, for another path, and that path was perhaps not etched into the grounds of this country.

How were you supposed to find out if you didn’t try just like he had?

“T-two,” Jaehyun responded, unsure whether it was the right answer.

He could have said one or ten for all you cared. “Sounds good. I should then tell my fiancé our engagement is called off, because he wants three.”

“...what?”

You shook your head and laughed. “There is no fiancé, neither real or fake. There… hasn’t been anyone since you.”

“Good. It’s good to see you so happy and carefree finally.” Jaehyun approached you and put his hands on your waist, drawing you close to him. “And I’m relieved there is no other man. Because when I’m going to propose to you, it’s going to be for real this time.”

A smile radiating pure bliss left your lips when you got on your toes and finally kissed him.

You were blissfully unaware of the fact that Jaehyun had already picked out the ring before he had left the country, one identical to your fake one, just made of platinum and adorned with a real diamond. Princess cut, two carats. Just like you had dreamed of. 

He had carried it with him whenever he went, like a lucky charm.

The ring was a reminder to him that there was always a reason to come back.

Because his future wife was waiting for him, and she deserved everything she had ever dreamed of. 

[yumeboshi]

hi yume congrats on your follower event, you deserve each one !! <3 can i please order a dragonfruit champagne sundae HEHE 🧚🏻‍♀️

❝ THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER、@justblades .ᐟ ⟡ HERE IS YOUR RECEIPT FROM CAFÉ YUME ⟡

𐙚DRAGONFRUIT CHAMPAGNE SUNDAE：sends you right into ‘paradise’!

𐙚 dish desc。．a drunk date gone unexpectedly wrong?

．。𝜗𝜚 labels。smutty, drunk, engaged in Sunday and not yet with blade, im sorry if you were disappointed dhil was not here because of the dragon label (I really can’t write him well lolol i hope I compensated with blade & chicken boy) MINORS DNI

．。𝜗𝜚 ingredients。sunday and blade

#SྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིUNDAY

A FANCY dinner in the Reverie’s most expensive restaurant is nothing but a part of SUNDAY’s “casual date” plan.

he’s a refined man, and a gentleman at that- he knows all the right things to do to swoon you. he knows how to make you flush, he knows just exactly when you expected a kiss from him. and of course, he knows what to say to make you fall over yourself, as if he has the entire script of your dialogue in his hands. things like this are so easy for him to do, and his plans always work out because of how expertly he steers you around.

unfortunately, a possibility he did not foresee was this— a drunk you, wasted and tipsy and giggling at his ‘funny chicken wings—‘ all the while carelessly leaning into him and basically being so difficult. it was difficult for him to restrain the heat that slowly pulses through his entire body when you sloppily say daring things your shy self won’t ever dare say when sober.

“sweetheart, please— we’re in a public area.” he gently tells you at first, trying to recover you back to your original state— although it’s just futile attempts of him trying to make you sit upright and not leaning into his chest because it makes him hot and hard to breathe.

“no we’re noooot, people aren’t around….” you slur, batting your eyes up at him sleepily with an attractive little smile lit up by the dim candles. and lord, he feels tricked. he feels like he’s lost to you for some reason- the way your sleepy gaze and your soft voice pulls on his restraints deceptively gently like a siren’s call- he’s glad the area is dim and people aren’t around, because the head of the oak family not knowing what to do with his evident blush across his face would give away how little control he actually has over himself.

“don’t do that,” he reprimands you. his eyes are blazing with a dark flame that’s far too intense for you to take in-

but your sluggish brain does not register anything- you only giggle and swat his arm that’s warningly on your own. “or else what?” you hiccup with a grin.

lavish silver plates clatter and fall to the ground rhythmically with your loud gasps when sunday’s cock thrusts violently into you once more, a lewd slap echoing across the embarrassingly empty restaurant— chest pressed firmly against your table while you hold onto the smooth sides to barely hang on. “—s-slow down,” you’d plead to him- helplessly dangling to the silky tablecloth, to no avail, since it slips out of your grasps easily when he pounds into you with dangerous speed.

“oh? you seemed keen to tease me earlier. are you already sober, angel?” he slows to talk to you in condescension, but when you try to tell him that the alcohol made you do that— he only picks up the pace, escalating your words into incoherent pleas of release-

“saying such dirty little words in a lovely restaurant. do I have to fuck in some manners into your pretty head?” with another violent thrust and a groan, he drags himself out against your slit to coat it with wet fluids that trickle down your sides to spill all over the table.

yes, he thinks it’s deceptive, the way your pussy struggles to take in his load, the way you mewl and squeal his name for more, drunk and needy— the way your ass moves so lewdly with the rhythm of his thrusts, skin trembling. this is sin, he knows, but you are just too beautiful for him to stop. maybe he will have to feed you more purposeful alcohol when you’re sober again, because fuck, how could you be even more obscenely seductive in this state?

#BྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིLADE

BLADE doesn’t know how to react— because his only recent alcohol experience is when he occasionally joined kafka for wine- and the woman showed no signs of being drunk at all.

but when he sees you- subdued to a giggling tipsy mess, his mind draws a blank. What was he supposed to do? he calls your name out briefly, then realized you were too busy burying yourself in his arms like a cat, smiling dreamily at him while telling him his eyes look so pretty today.

he doesn’t like the way his chest tightens up when you say that. he doesn’t like the way he feels so out of control as if the mara is actually taking him over- guiding his hands to tighten around your waist, possessive touches that make you squeal.

“stop that,” he mutters, indirectly at you and at himself.

“stop what, bladie?” you ask with a playful kiss on his jaw, which visibly tightens. “oh come on, don’t be so uptight. didn’t you plan this date?” you continue to trip over your words and droop all over his arms like pudding so bad that blade had to press your back against him so you won’t tip over.

he did plan the home date, just by Kafka’s constant teasing. she’d told him that wine was the perfect idea, that they would be able to have a “heartfelt one on one conversation.” he thought that part meant you would be able to be coherent but unfortunately no, now you’re drunk and illogical and basically his entire plan to talk to you seriously about engagement just went downhill.

“we have to talk,” he says directly, although his voice comes out so weird, as if it’s being strangled. the weird heat in his body spreads violently when you turn around to face him with a little lovely smile, eyelashes drooping, hands so sneakily fiddling with the hem of his belt.

“what could you possibly want to talk about right n—ngh!”

your sentence goes unfinished, and the next thing you know, your face is pressed flat against the cushion couch. you can’t see anything at all, but you hear hasty movements and a belt clanking to the floor, and suddenly his cold hands are right on you, veiny fingers tracing the outline of your puffy clit before hooking up the strap of fabric with a finger to tear it easily.

when you continue to beg him for an answer, he shuts you up with his thick cock that wedges its way into your gummy walls, stretching you all so suddenly to make you gasp into the pillows.

“b-blade,” you whine, “-s’ too big.”

“ill make it fit,” he says simply, but the primal groan beneath it lets you know he’s not going to stop until he fits it in.

he buries into you at a cruelly fast pace, too lost in his own euphoria to hear you whimper and sob how much it’s hurting. aeons, why is he doing this just now? the way you clench around him draws out a lengthy groan, leaning against the table to calm himself down from such an arousing sight of glistening moisture soaking his cock nicely.

the cold air tickling your ass disperses quickly with his animalistic thrusts that give you burning heat, fucking out your constant whimpers and squeals that you’re going to cum, and he lets you cum, hastily pounding himself in to relieve the bothersome blistering arousal that spurts all over your walls to paint them his.

now he knows that kafka fucking did plan this out, but he’s not angry. in fact, he is almost thankful she set him up, because good lord, he knows he won’t ever be satisfied until your holes are stuffed full with his cum.

[personal-progress-dropout]

The Rainbow Sheep

(Yes, I know, very original and creative title, but it gets the job done. Get ready for personal stories and too many parenthesis.)

In my childhood, whenever gay people were mentioned, it was with the same tone you’d use for someone with terminal cancer. It was a tragedy. They were lost, they had distanced themselves from God, and they were grieved like the dead. Sometimes it felt like people would rather their gay brothers and sisters be dead instead of gay. Of course, we should always be kind and welcoming, love the sinner hate the sin, etc., but honestly, it felt like you could never truly be accepted if you were gay. There was a distance, and it was always the gay person's fault.

For example—on June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in all fifty states. I was thirteen years old. That Sunday, there was a special meeting at church to discuss the new development and reinforce The Family Proclamation. I remember very little of what was said, but I remember what I felt. I remember that the atmosphere felt like the greatest of tragedies had occurred, and I remember being told that we had to defend traditional marriage. We had been given the duty of defending the Family, something that the world wanted to destroy. (I use Family with a capital F because it always seems like we’re defending an unreachable ideal instead of the messy, glorious reality.) Nobody ever used that language directly, but I certainly felt the implication, and the language they did use drew up a stark divide of ‘us vs. them.’ 

I wholeheartedly believed this, and I was going to do everything I could to strive towards the ideal. I was going to get married in the temple and start my own eternal family! There was just one problem with that—I didn’t see men as romantic partners. My future husband was a faceless doll set in the life I wanted to have: my vision for the future included kids, a house, pets, and a job, but I had no idea where a husband was supposed to fit in my life. The ‘crushes’ I had as a kid were a fun game of pretend because girls were supposed to crush on boys. The older I got, the more exhausting the game of make-believe became. Looking back on my high school years, I realize that I was never actually attracted to the boys I wanted to date; I simply wanted to hang out with them. If they were attracted to me, that would be nice, and it would definitely stroke my ego, but I didn’t want them. I wanted to be wanted.  

I’ve always gravitated to women more than men, even as a child. It’s a running joke among queer women that when you see a beautiful girl you don’t know if you want to be her or be with her, but I’ve always been able to make the distinction. Women were easier to develop crushes on than men. I could differentiate between attraction and admiration, and after I came out it was incredibly frustrating to hear people say I was confusing the two. I was enchanted with the sway of a classmate’s hips, the bark of her laughter, the passion of her voice. If I had changed the pronoun to ‘he’, everyone would assume I was in love. 

I realized I was queer when I was sixteen years old, and it was terrifying. Gay people were the ‘other’, they were either set on destroying the Family or they were expected to live out a solitary life in the hope that they would get a heterosexual happily-ever-after in the Celestial Kingdom. I didn’t want to destroy the Family! I didn’t want to die alone! There were certain men that I found handsome, so I determined that I was attracted to men (in theory) and therefore nobody needed to know. I could go through my life with nobody the wiser, and I would never have to risk the alienation that comes with coming out.

And it's a risk. Parents will tell their children that they will always love them and there’s nothing they can do to change that. This is simply not true. I grew up with these same reassurances, but I was never specifically told that I could be gay and my parents would still love me. I’m incredibly lucky. Despite the way my parents were raised to regard LGBTQ+ people (which in all honesty was pretty mild compared to some of my friends' parents), they valued the commandment to love God and their neighbors over anything else. It was still one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life because I was walking into unknown, potentially dangerous territory. In the end, I’m so glad that I did. My parents and I understand each other better now, and I don't have to carry the weight of secret-keeping anymore.

Of course, there are still misunderstandings and miscommunication. I was frustrated because my parents didn’t want me to come out to my sisters until we were older. I felt like a dirty secret, and it felt like there was a layer of separation between me and my sisters. There are moments when I feel othered—when I know I can never come out to certain parts of my family, because they would never look at me the same way. (I might someday. Who knows.) When I see legislation that forbids talking about LGBT in schools and how gay literature is being banned from libraries, and how members of my family don't see a problem with this, because aren't they a bit young for that anyways? (I wasn't too young to be taught that I should marry a man in the temple and have children that I should raise in the faith, but that's besides the point.)

I get annoyed when I hear my orientation referred to as a ‘trial’ and something that will be made right in the afterlife. I don't consider it to be a trial--I think it's an aspect of who I am, and the trial comes from people who have a restricted view of the world.

I love my faith. I love the assurance that comes with knowing I'm a child of God, and I love how we as a church believe that we can become greater than we are through living gospel principles, but it should come as a surprise to nobody that the church is an institution made up of imperfect people. We have a long way to go, but I have hope. Look at me! I went from a deeply conservative teenager who believed that gay marriage was a sin (I'm not even sure I knew trans people existed at the time) to someone who accepts their identity as queer and tries to make the world a more accepting place. I can change, and I like to believe that the people around me can too. We can become greater than what we are today.

[quinloki]

My apolocheese in advance for this, but all 50??? 😀 (Excluding any you may have answered already and/or don't feel up to answer)

Feel free to discard this ask entirely, or answer it in portions whenever you have energy. Whatever works for you. ^^ Just don't overwork yourself (ironic ik, coming from the guy who's asking for all 50, but I can't help it <3)

You know what - sure. XD

I'm going to put this below a cut though, cause whew!

who is/are your comfort character(s)? Marco definitely, but I find comfort in a lot of characters, so I should include Kid, Sabo, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Thatch, Penguin and Law in there too.

lighter or matches? Man I love a good zippo, but nothing beats the smell of a match, so I'll have to go with matches

do you leave the window open at night? Not unless I absolutely have to.

which cryptyd being do you believe in? Are ghosts as a general classification close enough? I've seen like three, but I haven't seen any other cryptids.

what color are your eyes? Brown ^_^

why did you do that? Sometimes I do not even know. I let go of a pot the other day for no good damned reason and was just glad it was empty.

hair-ties or scrunchies? Hair-ties. There's no scrunchie in this 'Verse that can contain my hair.

how many water bottles are in your room right now? In my room like my bedroom? Or as in the room I'm in right now? In either case it's zero. I have this spiffy mason jar monstrosity for water and it's down in the kitchen atm.

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? Caffeine, honestly, is what I prefer XD Coffee's crap unless I make it myself so I don't even really register the flavor of it most of time.

would you slaughter the rich? Hm... ... no. I can't say I'd protect or defend them, but my sinful ass isn't going to go around casting judgements on others, no matter if I think they deserve it or not.

favorite extracurricular activity? >.> <.< I mean... I can't really say anything other than sex at this point.

what kind of day is it? A middling Sunday. The sun is pleasant, my cats are napping and look egregiously adorable, but there's still the weight of unemployment on the house, so it's middling.

when was the last time you ate? About 5 minutes or so ago. Rice and veggies.

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? Most certainly ^_^

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) lol not even a little.

can you drive? Better than most. My grandfather taught me with a bag of apples, but I don't really enjoy driving so I don't do it much.

are you farsighted or nearsighted? Whichever it is that needs glasses to see.

what hair products do you use? Cheap ones >.>

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? If you wanted, certainly, but I have bit my nails since I was 8 so my skill at nail painting does not exist ^_^;

do you say soda or pop? Previously answered, but the short answer is soda.

something you’ve kept since childhood? My friend John. We became friends when we were 5 and 6 and I still play D&D with him on the weekends.

what type of person are you? A lucky one.

how do you feel about chilly weather? Previously answered, but I love winter and autumn

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Probably stargazing. Which I stand by because you're not getting me on a roof when the sun's up.

perfume/body spray or lotion? I... uh... none?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Like, in my mind? Ah, I licked a guy's nipples for so long he asked me if I was enjoying myself, and instead of saying yes like a boss, I got flustered and it killed the mood. Alas.

about how many hours of sleep did you get? ... 6? I think.

do you wear a mask? When I leave the house, yeah.

how do you like your shower water? Flesh-meltingly hot.

is there dishes in your room? Yes, but only because I just finished eating veggies and rice before I started answering this.

what type of music keeps you grounded? Previously answered, but I really do listen to all of it.

do you have a favorite towel? Nah. I have a favorite spatula though.

the last adventure you’ve been on? My spouse and I went on a 14 day road trip before the pandemic hit and I think between the states and Canada we traveled something like 5,490 miles or so.

is there a song you know every word to by heart? Don't Let It Bring You Down by Annie Lennox

what’s your timezone? East Coast

how many times have you changed your url? 0 - and I don't foresee it happening either.

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? My aforementioned bestie, but also my lil' "brother" who is not really technically my brother, but who has known me since he was 14 and I was 17, and my D&D group has been together for over 10 years now, so that's like 11 or so more people.

a soap bar that smells good? I use cheap liquid soap, sorry ^^;

do you use lip balm? Nope.

did you have any snacks today? Yes, a pear.

how do you take your coffee? Any way I can get it. Black is preferred though.

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? Discord, maybe I imagine.

what’s your take on spicy foods? I am weak, my family is weak, my ancestors were weak, but I will sniffle and cry and sob the entire time because it's fucking delicious

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? Sadly, they suffer more alive than dead, so >.>

can you remember what happened yesterday? Well enough I'm not worried about early on set dementia.

favorite holiday film? I was gonna say Die Hard, but then it made me think of The Last Unicorn and so I'mma go with that.

what was the last message you sent? Cheering on family who did early voting.

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? Supervised - 12 Because no one was there to stop me, 15.

can you skip rocks? I can trip over rocks, but that's about as skillful as I get. ^_^

can i tag you in random stuff? Certainly - I cannot promise I'll always know how to reply, but I actually really appreciate being tagged because I miss stuff easily.

[possibly-evil]

Fanfic Request: Grace realizing she's gay and in love with Steph.

hell yeah!! posted it on ao3, but ill copy paste the full work under the cut.

this could mean… danger (1619 words) by possibly_evil Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Grace Chasity/Stephanie Lauter Characters: Grace Chasity, Stephanie Lauter, Girl Jeri (Hatchetfield), Boy Jerry (Hatchetfield), Peter Spankoffski Additional Tags: Internalized Homophobia, they're so gay, grace is aromantic in my eyes but this was a request from tumblr, and I'm a sucker for gay ppl Summary: Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri confront Grace about her hug with Stephanie at Abstinence camp.

Grace clasped her hands together. Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri sat in front of her at their shared desk, just large enough that their chairs didn’t touch. Jerry had a look of disapproval on his face, while Jeri seemed more disappointed than angry.

“Grace, I'm sure you know why we’ve called you in here,” Boy Jerry finally began, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Grace put on a smile, making herself appear much more confident than she felt.

“Oh Jerries, you know It was all just a misunderstanding. I wanted to hug my friend. She was nervous,” Grace explained, placing a hand on her heart. “The poor thing. You’ve heard the rumours about her, I'm sure,” She whispered to them. Girl Jeri looked down, lip quivering.

“Yes. The poor lamb… she’s far too young for that sort of thing.” Girl Jeri took a steading breath. “But that still doesn’t excuse it. You shared prolonged physical contact with another camper, which you know is against the rules. Miss Lauter is free from punishment, as she hadn’t been briefed on the rules yet. But you… we expected better from you, Grace.” Girl Jeri shook her head. Grace nodded, but she wasn’t going to give up just yet. She couldn’t let this infraction stay on her record.

“I know, and it was silly of me to break the rules, but I assure you our hug was of friendly nature. I was just excited to see my best friend at camp this year. You know I… don’t have many friends,” Grace said, playing up her sadness. Girl Jeri seemed touched by Grace's words, and seemed ready to let her go. Boy Jerry’s face was still stern.

“How can we be sure of that, Grace? Are we sure that your feelings aren’t… something more?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Grace felt her stomach drop. Was he accusing her of being…

“I don’t feel sexually attracted to anybody, Jerry. You know that sort of thing must wait until marriage. And I assure you, I would never consider a relationship with a girl. That’s wrong, you know. Unholy.” Boy Jerry nodded.

“Yes, it is, Grace. How often do you go to church?” Boy Jerry asked, not showing any signs of accepting her argument.

“Once a day, twice on sundays.” Grace answered without missing a beat.

“Then how is it that you still live a life of sin?” He hissed, slamming his hands on the desk. Grace gasped quietly and leaned away. Girl Jeri reached out to Boy Jerry, almost touching his shoulder. She mumbled something to him, but he dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Grace said, regaining her composure.

“You are an unholy creature, Grace. You yourself said it, a girl loving a girl is wrong. But I see the signs in you. Stephanie has corrupted your spirit, and filled your heart with sin.” Grace was astounded.

“What?” Was all she managed to gasp. Her? In love? With Steph? Grace felt the disgust rising in her stomach. She was a good, normal girl. A normal girl who wouldn’t feel any attraction until she was safely married. Especially not attraction to a woman.

“Come with us. We’re going to the confession booth.” The counselors stood and led Grace out of the room. She followed them in a daze. No. She wasn’t one of those people. She was normal. Normal. She felt her pulse pick up. She couldn’t go confess to something she didn’t do. The Lord would make everything right, she knew it. He wouldn’t do something like this to her. He wouldn’t taint her with unholiness. She prayed that some divine intervention would change Boy Jerry’s mind. 

They were within sight of the church now. It was small, reserved just for the summer camp. Grace loved the little church, but now it felt sharp and threatening, looming over her as Boy Jerry climbed the steps. Grace stopped, and realized with sudden clarity that she couldn’t let this happen. 

Grace turned and bolted away. She’d always prided herself on being a fast runner, and she was lucky enough to have worn her good sneakers today. By the time the councilors had registered what happened, Grace was already tearing into the forest, turning and zig-zagging, trying to make her path unfollowable. Once she felt confident that she was deep inside the witchwood, she stopped to catch her breath. She leaned against a tree, gasping for air. She didn’t need to worry. Boy Jerry would realize his mistake. The Lord would never make Grace anything other than a normal, good, christian woman. 

Right?

Grace jumped as she heard voices approaching. Had they found her already? She ducked behind a bush as a hiking group made their way down a forest path, singing ‘Down By the Bay’ as they walked. Grace held still as she watched camper after camper pass her. At the very end of the line, Stpeh walked with a boy wearing glasses, who Grace recognised from school. Grace found her eyes locked on Steph. The boy made a joke and Steph snorted, shoving his shoulder in a friendly manner. She looked away from him, off to the side of the path. Grace ducked, but it wasn’t fast enough.

“Grace?” Steph asked, stopping. Grace held still.

“Grace, I saw you. Come on out.” Grace timidly stood up, avoiding eye contact. Steph mumbled to the boy that she’d catch up with him in a minute. The boy shrugged and kept walking. Steph kneeled down next to Grace.

“Weren’t you getting a lecture from Boy Jerry or something?” Steph asked. Steph pointed at her cheek and made a wiping motion, telling Grace there was something on her face. Grace didn’t really register that, she was too busy looking up at Steph.

My best friend. That’s all. Friendship.

“Yeah, uh, we finished. I was trying to find the rest of the group and I guess I got lost,” Grace said, lying through her teeth. Steph rolled her eyes, tucking her dark hair back behind her ear.

Friends. It’s normal to like your best friend’s hair. She has amazing hair. It’s beautiful. She’s beautiful.

“Yeah right. What really happened, chastity?” She asked. Grace frowned at the mispronunciation of her last name. People said it like that to make fun of her, usually (though she didn’t understand what was so ‘nerdy’ about being chaste). Steph was too bold, too brash. Though Grace had to admit, boldness was a good look on Steph.

Friendship. It’s just friendship.

“I have sinned!” She blurted out. She clapped a hand over her mouth. Oh no. What would she think of her now? Would she ridicule her for the rest of her life? She would be the talk of the town. I’m a normal girl. Normal. Normal.

“Mmm… ‘kay? And?” Steph said, unimpressed. “Everyone sins. It's called being human. I never really got your whole… thing. It’s fine to mess up, Grace.” Grace shook her head, looking down to brush some dirt off her jeans.

“No it’s not! Listen, Boy Jerry accused me of something bad. Very bad. And I… I ran away. I’m scared that he…” She looked back up at Steph.

“I’m scared that he’s right.” Steph scrunched up her eyebrows.

“Wait so- so what did you do? Or did you not do it?” Steph asked, tilting her head.

“It wasn’t an accusation of doing something… he accused me of… of being something.” It took a second, but Steph realized what she meant.

“Oh,” She said, recalling how someone had yelled at Grace for hugging Steph. They’d probably brought her in to interrogate her about that. Grace held back tears. Steph would hate her now, she knew it.

“I’m a monster,” She whispered. She hated how she felt. She hated how Boy Jerry was right. Who was she kidding, Steph was the most wonderful person Grace had ever met. The way she made her felt was like nothing she’d ever felt before. And the things that raced through her mind, fantasies of what she could do if she had Steph alone for herself… Grace felt like throwing up. Why was she thinking these things? She needed to stop. She needed to-

Grace’s thoughts faded when Steph hugged her.

What?

“Grace, you’re not a monster,” Steph said, pulling away. “Ok, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but being gay isn’t bad.”

“But- yes it is!” Grace shouted, pushing Steph away from her. Steph sighed.

“Grace… not everything everyone tells you is true. Listen, I don’t know shit about the Bible or God, but… do you think He'd make you gay as a punishment? You’re probably, like, His favorite person.” Grace felt her stomach flip at that compliment.

“But… but marriage is between a man and a-”

“Ohhhh shut up!” Steph groaned. “No the fuck it isnt! Where does it say that in the Bible? Don’t answer, that was a rhetorical question,” She said before Grace could respond.

“Listen, Grace. The Bible went through, like, a bajillion translations made by homophobic racist guys. Who knows what your God actually wanted?” Grace opened her mouth to argue, but she couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Steph was right. Her eyes began to water, and she looked back up at the beautiful girl in front of her.

“But- Steph, you’re my best friend. I don’t want to- I mean- you and that boy-” She sniffled and wiped her eyes, looking away.

“Hey. Grace,” Steph said, taking the girl’s hand. “We’ll figure it out. Together. Ok?” She said, cupping Grace’s face in her free hand. Grace nodded, and tightened her grip on Steph’s hand.

“C’mon, let’s catch up with the others.”

[to-the-stars8]

Faith

Summary: Keeping faith was never easy for Jason, and the struggle creates a war in his mind that hangs between self-destructing and outright torment.

This was inspired by the artwork of @lethologicaee

Just letting you guys know that this story has a lot of heavy religious references and reflections of trauma, so if that makes you uncomfortable please do not engage with this story. Keep yourself healthy and happy, my loves.

Another warning, referenced drug use

Jason couldn’t remember what he saw after he died—if he saw anything. He only remembered seeing the Joker followed by waking up to darkness and the smell of dirt. The moment his eyes opened, not seeing but feeling the softness of his coffin, two things ran through his mind: Bruce and the noticeable absence of God. 

There was never a moment in Jason’s life when he was a religious fanatic, but there were a few years with Catherine when he went to church semi-regularly. It was right after Willis had gone to jail and before his mother had fully developed her addiction. She had come to rely on religion for some comfort and tried to teach Jason to do the same.

“How come we’re going to church now?” He had asked as she buttoned up one of his nicer jackets. His hands were still too small to properly do it himself, and they were already running late. 

She thinned her lips, thinking, and her sacred blue eyes flickered up to meet his for a moment before going back down to the buttons. “I think going to church could be good for us. I think we’ve run out of faith, and it could teach us to get it back again. To keep going.”

Jason grumbled, slightly annoyed that he had to get up so early on a Sunday morning, “And we need to go to church for that?”

“Yes,” Catherine said pointedly. 

The Gotham Parish Church was one of the biggest and one of the nicest in the city. It had been around not long before the Waynes had come and was kept up by donations from other rich Gothamite families. It was a rare beauty in the Gotham smog. A diamond on the outside, he knew for sure, but he couldn't quite say the same for the inside of it. 

Jason remembered finding it odd that he had to kneel in front of a big wooden Jesus figure but did it anyway as he followed Catherine’s lead. He stared at the figure, it was painted with vivid browns, beiges, and reds, and it left him feeling a little sad. He wondered why a man would die for people who did not care for nor knew him. He supposed it was for his godly father. 

The only reason he kept going to church willingly was for his mother. When he looked up at Catherine during prayer, he’d seen her smile for the first time in a while. She looked happy, almost younger, even. The stress from her face faded and she looked at him with so much love coupled with optimism. 

He found something similar in feeling, but couldn’t determine if it was Catherine’s contagious hopefulness or Father Thomas’ sermon of goodness in people. Eventually, Jason began to like the weekly routine and even found solace in it. He wondered if that feeling was the holy light Father Thomas talked about. 

Then, he found Catherine sitting on her bed with a needle in her arm.

Jason tried to get her help, going to Father Thomas and begging him to do something. He only patted him on the head and said, “If she has faith then God will deliver from this sin.”

Jason had felt terrified and angry. Terrified because how could he get his mother to get more faithful, especially at her lowest, when he hardly knew the meaning of it? And, was angry, because he could not fathom the sin she was committing. What kind of god would abandon someone who was sick, much less mark them as a sinner?

It stirred a holy turmoil within Jason’s young mind that came to a sudden end when he found Catherine dead on the bathroom floor. Because, with her, Jason’s faith had died, too. It wasn’t until he was in Wayne Manor did he found a little bit of that again. It wasn’t the holy kind of faith, but, rather, the faith in love. With Bruce, he began to pray again and believed that, maybe, God was still there.

Bruce wasn’t religious himself, but always told him that it was always worth believing in something. That gave Jason the courage to ask Alfred, who had mentioned that now and then he would attend church if he could join him on one of those occasions. Ultimately, nothing ever came of it. Jason tried not to dwell on what he could have been if he had gone with Alfred. 

Then, there was Sheila, and Jason had prayed for the past. He wanted a mother who he could look up to in the church light and believe wholeheartedly in God again. 

Sheila had welcomed him with open arms, but, in the end, his faith in her was ripped from him. Yet, there was still Bruce who would save him— Both of them. The love he felt for Bruce was immeasurable, just as if they had always been father and son. It was because of him Jason died still believing.  

Now, back from the dead, all that he was left with was anger and grief. He was angry at Bruce and God, and he grieved for the boy he used to be. With Bruce, his resentment was built off of another failed father who turned away; with God, it was deeper than just that. It was a fit of animalistic, sacred anger that made him want to tear the heart out of the very idea of faith with his bare teeth. Jason felt more of a fool when it came to God, tricked into hoping—praying—only to be turned away in the end. 

Did he not believe in God enough, or would he have to get down on his hands and knees to beg for an unknown forgiveness?

Jason knew it would be pathetic for him to do it, to beg for the forgiveness of another father who abandoned him, but he would do it. He’d do it until the golden rosary cut into his hands, his knees had bruises, and his mouth ran dry from begging. He’d scream and cry for it if he had to. 

He questioned if had sinned too much—If, in his initial hallowed anger, he had turned into Cain. Jason had offered the best of himself, but God had not favored him as he did others. The thought made him bitter. Jason knew it had to be a fault within him rather than God; that he didn't have the innate goodness he thought all people had. If he ever had it. 

Each time he looked at the blood on his hands, Jason only thought of one thing, the noticeable absence of God. 

[usaigi]

Is Matt Murdock Homophobic?

Short answer: Doubt it.

Long answer: I seriously doubt, just because he’s Catholic/was raised in a highly Catholic environment (a Catholic orphanage) doesn’t mean he’s homophobic. Being Catholic does not automatically equal being homophobic. 

And if we’re being completely honest, I won’t consider Matt to be “extremely” Catholic in the way the fandom seems to think about him. Matt attending mass on Sunday, going to confession, and having a relationship with his priest just makes him a churchgoer. Which I guess makes him more devote than a lot of other Catholics but the way some of the fandom talk about him makes it seems like he’s having a crisis of faith every other Tuesday. 

I've seen this topic come up in fanfiction and in fandom in general so I’d like to offer a liberal queer Catholic perspective on being queer. 

Is being gay a sin in Catholicism?

Having same-sex attraction is not a sin in Catholicism. However, having sex outside of marriage is a sin. And since the church only recognizes heterosexual marriages, it essentially does make being gay a sin. The whole “being gay isn’t a sin but if you act upon it is” which is... ugh.

We are all children of God, and God loves us as we are and for the strength that each of us fights for our dignity. Being homosexual is not a crime. It is not a crime. 'Yes, but it is a sin.' Fine, but first let us distinguish between a sin and a crime. It is not the first time that I speak of homosexuality and of homosexual persons. And I wanted to clarify that it is not a crime, in order to stress that criminalization is neither good nor just. When I said it is a sin, I was simply referring to Catholic moral teaching, which says that every sexual act outside of marriage is a sin. Of course, one must also consider the circumstances, which may decrease or eliminate fault. As you can see, I was repeating something in general. I should have said, 'It is a sin, as is any sexual act outside of marriage.' This is to speak of 'the matter' of sin, but we know well that Catholic morality not only takes into consideration the matter, but also evaluates freedom and intention; and this, for every kind of sin. And I would tell whoever wants to criminalize homosexuality that they are wrong. - Pope Francis 2023

HOWEVER: We have not seen Matt Murdock having religious objections/feel guilty for having premarital sex. Birth control is also not accepted in Catholicism but I seriously doubt Matt’s not wrapping it. I’m sure I don’t need to cite one of the million jokes about him being a manwhore, we all know it. Do we really think Matt would be such a hypocrite to think someone is a sinner for being LGBT when he himself has had how many girlfriends? Not to mention he was also born and raised in New York City and his need for justice is one of his primary character traits. Do you really think Matt learned about the Stonewall Riot(his own city’s history), the AIDs epidemic, the general mistreatment and discrimination of LGBT people and would really support it? BFFR.

Matt Murdock is a lot of things, mainly a self-loathing idiot in desperate need a therapy, but he’s not a bigot. 

I’m going to link this post by the lovely @ceterisparibus116 about Matt’s "religious guilt" and what I think is fandom’s general misunderstanding of Matt’s Catholic guilt. 

What about internalized homophobia?

In my own fics I’ve written Matt as bi/pan (hooking up with Moon Knight) (also that one Ziwe meme) and as a trans guy who pre-transition thought he was a lesbian/sapphic. (If you read it I’ll love you forever). Mattfoggy is the biggest ship in the fandom so it's only normal to have this discussion.

Sure, maybe Matt wouldn’t judge other people for being gay and having sex outside of Catholic-recognized marriage but would he judged himself? How can Matt still consider himself Catholic and queer? 

A misconception I think a lot of people have about Catholicism is that we must all follow the church’s teaching and that everything the Pope says is infallible. Which is silly and simply not true. Pope Benedict XVI once stated that: "The Pope is not an oracle; he is infallible in very rare situations, as we know." Pope John XXIII also once said: "I am only infallible if I speak infallibly but I shall never do that, so I am not infallible." 

First of all, the church is not a monolith institution. Second of all, not all Catholic teaching is infallible, “no church teaching is automatically free from error, because the church is composed of human beings. God alone is a priori free from error in detail and in every case.” (Infallible? An Inquiry by Hans Küng). Very few things are infallible statement. The Immaculate Conception of Mary and the Assumption of Mary are infallible statements. But as far as I know, “being gay is a sin” is not. 

Conscience, actually, takes priority over church teaching. Pope Francis said “that priests must inform Catholic consciences ‘but not replace them.’ And he stressed the distinction between one’s conscience—where God reveals himself—and one’s ego that thinks it can do as it pleases.” (x)

In extolling conscience the Catechism quotes from another Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes. It states: "Deep within his conscience man discovers a law which he has not laid upon himself but which he must obey. “For a man has in his heart a law inscribed by God . . . His conscience is man’s most secret core and his sanctuary,” the document goes on, “There he is alone with God whose voice echoes in his depths.” In summary, it is possible for a good Catholic in good faith to act contrary to the teachings of the church. - Patsy McGarry

If Matt prayed, asked for guidance and his conscience said that being (trans, gay, bi, however you headcanon him) is not sinful, he can, in good faith, oppose the church. And yes, he’d be welcomed to take the Eucharist. Eucharist is not a reward that only the most faithful free-on-sin living saints. It’s a source of healing and for those striving to live in the Gospel.  

In terms of the church, as I said, it’s not a monolith and people can and do disagree in current teaching. Here’s Cardinal McElroy calling for the ‘radical inclusion’ of LGBT, women and others in the Catholic Church. Here’s a letter by 6,000 nuns standing in solidarity with Trans community.

This is just my headcanon, but I don’t think Father Lantom is homophobic. I’d like to think he’s one of the priest calling for reform and acceptance of LGBT people. I also like to think Sister Maggie was one of the nuns that signed that letter. If Matt came to him asking for support, I honestly think Father Lantom would give him that.  

Would everyone in his community accept him? No, probably not and that’s unfortunate. But there are those in the community don’t accept the young single mom or the recovering alcoholic. Religious gatekeeping is a problem and I don’t want to pretend it isn’t, but it’s not the only truth. I dislike the idea that being queer and Catholic are mutually exclusive. Or that Matt would leave his religion for being queer. To be honest, as a queer Catholic I find it pretty disrespectful. I would love to read more fics where Matt realize he’s queer and struggles with it but it’s so incredibly annoying when the fic concludes with Matt leaving his faith. We’re Catholic for God not for a church. There are other queer Catholic Matt could hypothetically find community with. 

And I get it, a lot of people are coming from a place of religious trauma and are writing fanfic to express it. I'm sorry for anyone who was hurt by the church, religion or toxic family. The church has and continues to do a lot of harm, both on the individual and global level. If anyone wants a rant about colonization of Latin America, I’m your girl. I just dislike this black-and-white mindset that Matt is either Catholic or gay.  

If anyone has questions, I can try to answer. I’m not a theology expert, I’m just a virgo and a fanfic writer. 

[astrobravo]

For day 1 of Scoteng Week! I did write it on day 1 but I needed to gather courage to post

I attempted to write Scotland's accent. I'm sorry.

Prompt: Anger from worry / Inconvenient Attraction

Summary: A dialogue-only fic about a sexventure gone wrong between the lads, but it all comes out okay in the end. ♡

—

“Hold still ye fucken weapon. Almost… almost– uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh? What do you mean uh-oh?”

“It slipped again. I don't think this is workin, Arthur–”

“Shut it. Shut your mouth right now and get your fingers back in there and FIX this.”

“I’ve been trying! It’s not moving.”

“It will move! It will move!!!”

“I cannae even SEE it anymore…”

“It’s because you keep shoving it back in with your sausage fingers!! Give it a minute!”

“A minute? I’ve been four fingers deep in yer ass for near an hour and a half!”

"So you’re giving up already. After all you have done to me.”

“After all I've done to ye? Was I the one who came home from the sin shops with a new dildo in MY sustainable canvas shopping bag? Was I the one who laid a towel down on the sofa next to my fuckpal as he was TRYING to watch the footie, stripped down to my skin, stuck my bony chicken legs into the air, and said, in the exact tone of an exhausted cross-town bus driver, 'Turn off the telly and put your back to the plow, beast'?"

“You’re mocking me in my time of crisis. You have inflicted this hell upon me and I’m going to DIE like this and my tombstone will have YOUR FACE ETCHED UPON IT because you will have KILLED ME with your SAUSAGE FINGERS and MOCKED me on my DEATHBED-”

“Ye said ye wanted to stay on the sofa… didye want me to move you to the bed?”

“NO! When this is over you’re going to be sleeping on this couch for the rest of your LIFE, you giant OX-”

“So yer lying on my deathbed then.”

“I can’t believe this. I'm going to die because of your perversions and you're refusing to take my suffering seriously–”

“MY perversions??? That's rich. That's rich!”

"What? You're the one who got so enthusiastic about sticking it to me that the flared base slipped in!”

"YOU SHOULDNAE BOUGHT ONE WITH SUCH WEE BOLLOCKS! USELESS!"

"IT WAS ON SALE! NO ONE ASKED YOU TO GET THAT ENTHUSIASTIC!"

“YE WERE INTO IT!!! YE WERE INTO IT!!!”

“AND NOW IT’S IN ME AND WE’RE BOTH FUCKED!”

"CALM DOWN AND STOP CLENCHING-"

"DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!! I'M CALM! I'M UNCLENCHED!"

“JUST BREATHE!"

"YOU BREATHE! IT'S PRACTICALLY POKING ME IN MY LUNG!"

"OKAY!! Okay. Okay. Arthur… I think it might be time to consider alternative options.”

“We are NOT going to the A&E.”

“Oh, agreed.”

“Wh- you wouldn’t take me to the A&E?”

“I would! Do ye wanna go? Let’s fucken go!”

“No! You know ours is a teaching hospital! I REFUSE to have a gaggle of med students gather around my deathbed and stare into the depths of my fundament with their greasy, judgy, born post-2000 faces! YOU'RE the one who INSISTED on basting me like a Sunday roast-”

“Ye said ya LIKED the slipperiness of the new lube!!"

"-and now look where your decisions have brought us."

"We're getting off track. Arthur, listen to me. There's one thing we haven't tried yet."

"OH and you were saving it for a rainy day? A special occasion? The diamond jubilee?"

"I got up to four in you."

"I'm WELL AWARE-"

"What if. Five."

"..."

"Now hear me out-"

"Your hands are the size of garden trowels-"

"-I could get a better grip-"

"-and you want to rummage around in me and pluck it out like the last crisp in the bag? I've SEEN the poor crisp bags after you're done having your way with them-"

"-pull it right out, and then we'll worry nae more about it."

"-shredded! Like a fox went through the bins!"

"It's either this or the med students."

"..."

"..."

"You'll go slow."

"Slow as ye please."

"And you'll stop when I say."

"Aye, the very moment."

"Christ alive. Fine. Fine. Get in me."

"Alrigh', let me lube up–"

"TO YOUR FOREARM?"

"I've been staring into your asshole for almost two hours. I'm doin what I gotta do here. Alright, I'm goin in."

"FUCKING HELL don't START with four!"

"It's fine, look, they slid right in. There we go. And, breathe in-"

"Ugh–"

"Alrigh', just hold it there, keep breathing, you're doing so well–"

"Hah…hah… huff…"

"That's it. That's it. I'm gonna tuck my thumb in now, just keep breathing–"

"Christ–!"

"Don' tense up on me now! Easy, easy, let me in– oh."

"Alasdair…"

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm in ye. I'm all in. I can feel your heartbeat around me. Yer holding me so tight, yer burning up inside…"

"Wha… the fuck– are you getting hard right now?"

"I cannae help it, you're so open and soft and clenching so tight on me, maybe don't do tha'–"

"BECAUSE YOUR HAND IS UP MY ASS! Let me put my hand up your ass and see if you clench, you insufferable bastard!'

"God, I love ye."

"Wha...did you seriously– HOW DARE THE FIRST TIME YOU SAY THAT BE WHEN YOUR HAND IS UP MY ASS! I demand a do-over!!!"

"Every day, sweetheart, as much as ye like. Just a little deeper, let me in…

"Haa… haa…"

"Oh- I've found the end of it! Hold on now, you're doing so well, don't clench– I got it… I got it, hold on!"

"Guh- BE GENTLE!!"

"Sorry, sorry. Ok. Ok I've got a good grip. Gonnae gently draw it out. Breathe in–"

"Hah, hah… ha-ah!"

"Here it comes, breathe–"

"Alasdair– GAH!"

"It's out! It's out!"

"Haah…"

"I don't see any blood, I think yer alright. You're still open a little–"

"Dont look… -hic- don't– -sniff-"

"It's alright. It's alright. Just let it out. C'mere, lemme hold ye."

"-Sniff- No, you don't have to…"

"Ow, fuck, fucken elbows like scythes– there."

"I hate you."

"It's alright. I love ye."

"I…love you, too. Unfortunately."

"My condolences."

♡　The End　♡

[dcbbw]

Sunday Six 9.24.23

Happy Sunday evening, Tumblrs! I know I have been MIA for the absolute longest, and wanting to give a huge THANK YOU to those who know the dirty deets about what’s been going on this summer, and being the shoulders, ears, support, and encouragement, I need to carry on and carry through one day at a time.

Despite posting two dribbles over the past day or so, not saying I am on the comeback trail, but I have been putting fingers to keyboard, and sharing story ideas. While they are not part of today’s Sunday Six, I am working on Sins of the Father; a part two to Dead in the Water (the How to Get Away with Murder AU), tentatively titled Tell Me When I’m Telling Lies; and a Riam one-shot that may become a casual series titled Happy Family.

What I offer to you tonight dear readers are two new ideas (well one isn’t that new):

Church Folk (the MegaChurch AU) based on Wonder’s worst ever version of Riam; she looks like a cross between Wendy Williams and Dionne Warwick, and has six fingers (five whole ass fingers and a thumb); Asian Liam is a dead ringer for Joel Osteen. They are co-pastors of the First, Last, & Only Cordonian Church of God in Christ where the mottos are:

We’re Alphabet Friendly!

God LOVES a Sinner, and so do we

Jesus Ain’t No Joke!

Think of every megachurch scandal, and give Riley Tammy Faye Baker’s hair …

A Summer Place—The Graduate which is an age-gap romance between Liam and Diana, who is Drake & Riley’s daughter. Except Liam doesn’t know, and Diana knows nothing about Cordonia except it is where her parents’ once-great love story originated.

There will be two versions to this story; Version B is titled A Summer Place—Mrs. Robinson, where Riley has an age-gap romance with Andreas, Liam’s son who visits NYC for the summer before starting University. Again, they have no idea of the other.

I realize others are writing age-gap/forbidden romances, but I am hopeful that my ideas and execution will make mine different from what's out there. And it’s me; by the time I finish writing the stories, it isn’t as if I’ll be glutting the market with the trope.

Okay, enough rambling; sneak peeks are below the cut, and as usual everything is in a state of rough draft and published product may vary.

Church Folk (song inspo: Church Clap, KB/Lecrae):

Their courtship had lasted two years; at Liam’s insistence, it had been chaste as well. At least for one of them.

The couple attended church together: Monday night Praise and Devotionals, Wednesday evening Bible study, couples therapy on Saturday mornings, 11am Sunday Sermon.

Between work and church activities, Liam and Riley dated; meals, museums, hikes, volunteering at soup kitchens. No matter the time or venue, all tended to end with them getting hot and heavy in the back seat of his car: Moans, groans, fogged windows; deep French kisses, groping of breasts and fondling of balls, arching and thrusting of hips. All the while keeping their clothes on.

The son of a preacher man never allowed himself to finger Riley nor for her to stroke his manhood.

Penetration was completely out of the question.

Riley often thought it was because of her 6th finger, and that despite his protests, Liam really could not deal with it. But he assured his bride-to-be between desperate kisses that it didn’t matter. Saving themselves for marriage did.

Liam Osteen Rhys firmly believed Riley had been sent to him; her polydactyl was a sign from God Himself that this woman was to be his wife. In the biblical sense, her extra finger was a sign of both wealth and that she was a messenger of God. Liam needed the former, FLOCC needed the latter. In the scientific sense, persons with polydactyl were proven to be stronger and more dexterous than those without.

Yes, Riley B. Williams was his good thing, and he wasn’t letting lust interfere. So, after every date while Riley sat alone in her bedroom with her battery-operated boyfriend and Pornhub pulled up on her phone, Liam visited Maybelle Nussbaum, his high school sweetheart.

If all had gone according to Liam’s plan, he would be wedded to Maybelle already, but his father absolutely forbade an inter-faith marriage. Only one version of God would be worshipped in the Rhys family, and THEIR God believed in ham, bacon, shrimp, and one day to celebrate the birth of Christ.

With Maybelle, Liam could go all the way, and he did. Every time. Sometimes protection was used, but most times not. The future preacher was convinced God wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to him because he always sought forgiveness afterwards.

On their wedding day, all of Cordonia’s press outlets were present, as well as most of the town; the Rhys family was practically royalty in the small suburb, and everyone wanted to be in attendance for the wedding of a lifetime. Liam stood at the altar with his father, best man and groomsmen, occasionally looking over the crowd still being seated.

His eyes widened when the doors to the ceremony room opened and Maybelle Nussbaum strode through, wearing baggy sweatpants, a vomit-stained tee shirt, and her hair in a messy blonde bun. A swaddled infant rested in the crook of one arm; her free hand pulled a rolling suitcase behind her.

Liam had broken it off with his lover exactly 13 months earlier; he needed to focus on being a husband and ensure no hint of scandal touched his betrothment. He did it via text message and promptly blocked Maybelle’s number and deleted their chat history. And that was the end of that.

Or so he thought.

“Here ya go, Liam! You left this in my uterus right before you blocked me,” the new mother said loudly and cheerily as she placed the baby in a non-plussed Liam’s arms.

The murmurs and whispers amongst the guests began immediately. Constantine’s complexion turned a vague shade of purple. The groomsmen’s eyes went between Maybelle and Liam, who was sputtering and stammering as he protested.

“YOU CANNOT LEAVE ME WITH THIS CHILD, MAYBELLE!” Liam thundered.

“Why not? You did it to me,” Maybelle retorted as she rolled the suitcase up to the altar. “Everything you need is in there. I’m gonna skedaddle now. Take good care of her.”

The scorned lover slipped out a side door just as the Wedding March began to play.

A Summer Place—The Graduate (Version A, Liam)

Song Inspo: Parallel, Emlie Kahn

The server and the sovereign stood at the balcony’s railing as they awaited their food. The dock surrounding the sea harbor was gaily decorated with colorful streamers and balloons. The intricately painted dragon boats sat in their slips, bobbing against the gently cresting aquamarine sea while crew members worked on last minute inspections and details before the race.  

Diana’s chocolate brown eyes were wide with excitement as they took in the scene before her.  

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen anything like this. Montana is basically bull riding, which is literally flags and cowboy hats. And the ocean … it’s so blue and clear, like something out of a painting!” 

Liam studied her profile, wondering why he had the nagging feeling he had seen her before. Her olive complexion, high cheekbones, the curvature of her full lips. It was as if he had seen her features on another face, but not in this particular order. 

“It’s the Aegan Sea,” he gently corrected her, “and yes, it’s a beautiful sight.” 

Diana felt her cheeks flush crimson, as embarrassment flooded her body. She stared up at Liam contritely. “I’m sorry, you must think I’m a goof!” 

Liam’s arm reached out and his palm gently patted the back of her hand. “Why would I think that? You simply didn’t know. It’s your first time here.” 

Diana’s eyes went between Liam’s hand on hers and his eyes, which were filled with a gentle emotion.  

“You’re fine,” he assured her as his other hand ran fingers through her hair, tucking strands behind her ear.  

She felt a pleasant shiver at his touch, which she quickly dismissed as her imagination. Yes, Liam was manly perfection with his trim physique, head full of hair untouched by gray, and the face of a Greek god. But he was her father’s age and had women across the country and continent ready to do his bidding.  

She was a tourist that would be leaving in a couple of months. A nobody, 24 years his junior who didn’t know an ocean from a sea. Diana slowly pulled her hand away from his.  

“So, what’s for lunch? I’m starving!” she said a little more loudly than intended.  

“Oh, you are in for a treat!” Liam grinned. “Mediterranean seafood pie, scallops in a lemon garlic cream sauce, lobster tails stuffed with crabmeat, crab imperial …" 

“Oh my God! It’s like Red Lobster!” Diana exclaimed as she clapped her hands together.  

Liam looked puzzled. “Red Lobster?” 

“It’s an American surf and turf chain restaurant. It’s delicious!” 

“I can only hope Portavira lives up to such a lofty ideal.” 

Tagging: @jared2612​​​ @ao719​ @marietrinmimi​ @indiacater​​​ @kingliam2019​ @bebepac​​​ @liamxs-world @mom2000aggie​​​ @liamrhysstalker2020​​ @twinkleallnight​​​ @umccall71 @superharriet​​​ @busywoman​​​ @gabesmommie1130 @tessa-liam​​​ @beezm​​​ @gardeningourmet​​​ @lovingchoices14​​​ @mainstreetreader​​​ @angelasscribbles​​​ @lady-calypso @emkay512​​​ @princessleac1​​​ @charlotteg234 @alj4890​ @motorcitymademadame​​​ @queenmiarys​​​ ​​​ @choicesficwriterscreations

[texas-writes]

“Bible Study”

Cw: mentions of abuse,puritan culture, secret relationship

You trembled as you sat at the table across from your father. He was calm, too calm. His collected demeanor was merely a mask to cover the rage he would inevitably let loose on you.

“I’ve heard things about you, y/n. Things I don’t want to be hearin’. You been disappearin’ a lot more and people are saying you’ve been running around with boys.”

You fight the urge to turn your eyes away from your father’s as you think about the last few months. You had been running around, though not with boys. You’d been spending every free moment you had with a man. A godly man, whom you trusted to protect you from the forces of the Devil while he used your body for sin.

“I haven’t been running around. I’ve been with Father Sunday, you can ask him. You know how I struggle to grasp my readings. He’s been kind enough to help me with the word.” You state, trying your best to sound as innocent as possible.

“Get up,” he snaps, causing you to jump in your seat, straightening your spine to attention as you stand.

“Where are we going,” you question, voice trembling as all the possible punishments your father could lay on you race through your mind.

“We’re going to have a word with Father Sunday, and if he doesn't corroborate your story you best hope we’re out of grits,” he growls, grabbing the back of your neck forcefully and guiding you towards the front door, jolting you harshly as you struggle to keep up.

He marches you across the field to the chapel beneath the tree and kicks the door open, pushing you down the aisle to where Eli kneels before the cross, his head bowed in prayer.

“Father Sunday,” your father calls, startling Eli from his task. “I’m terribly sorry to bother you so late in the evening, but I have reason to believe my daughter’s gotten herself into a predicament.”

Eli stands and turns to face you, taking your hands in his and gently pulling you away from your fathers grasp. “Oh that’s quite alright. What ails you child,” he hums, bringing his palm up to rest on your forehead.

“Word around town is that she’s been running around with boys and getting up to ungodly things.”

“Oh, no no,” Eli murmurs, moving your body so his view of your father is unobstructed. “That’s simply not true. She’s been here with me, studying. I know how she struggles and how terribly she wishes to be close to God. She’s done nothing wrong, and I’ll make sure everybody knows that. I was worried when she didn’t make it this afternoon, was it at your discretion sir?”

“I kept her home to question her on the matter.”

“I see,” Eli hums, looking over at you, taking notice of the way your hand trembled in his. “Would you still like to study this evening instead? I’ve got plenty of lamp oil.”

You nod softly at his offer. “Yes sir, I’d appreciate it.”

Eli releases your hand and turns his attention to your father. “She’s in good hands, sir. I’ll see to it that she gets home safe.”

You watch as your father nods curtly, merley giving Eli a grunt as he turns on his heel and retreats through the heavy doors of the church.

As soon as the door slams behind him you fall into Eli, a sob wracking your body as his arms wrap around you. “Oh Eli, thank you. Thank you.”

Eli’s hands grip your shoulder as he pushes you away to look at your face. “What’s he done to you now?”

“Nothing. He didn’t do anything this time. If your story hadn’t agreed he’d have made me kneel in grits again.”

“Oh darling, my darling girl. I won’t allow it. I’ll make my next sermon about sparing the rod, he’s sure to listen,” he rambles, his hands roaming hurriedly as the pads of his fingers trace the contours of your face, wiping your tears away.

“Eli, that won’t do a thing.”

“You should marry me. If we got married I could take you away from him for good. He could never put his hands on you again. We wouldn't even have to share a bed if you don’t want to.”

“Please, Eli, I don’t want to think about that anymore.”

His arms relax, pulling you towards him and the weight of his head resting on yours comforts you. “Alright then. I understand. Let’s go into the study.”

“Of course Eli, let’s,” you hum, allowing him to lead you into his study and settle you into the chair across from him.

“So aside from your father, how have you been since I last saw you, darling,” he questions, reaching across his desk to take your hands into his once again.

“I’ve been well, just helping mother with the canning for winter when I’m not with you.”

“Do you like being here, with me?”

“Of course I do Eli, I wouldn’t come around if I didn’t. I- I do love you, you know.”

“I love you too, darling. I meant what I said. I would like to marry you.”

“We can’t now, my father’s already suspicious. Just give it a year, then we’ll be safe.”

Eli sighs, leaning to rest his head on his arm. “I wish he wasn’t so cruel to you. I’d kill him if I could.”

“Eli, don’t talk like that. It’s sinful.”

“All I care about is you. I just want you to be free.”

“And I will be in time.”

He sighs again and brings you hand to his lips, kissing it gently and looking up at you.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he hums, making a warm blush creep across your cheeks. “I haven’t done right by you and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to take so many risks for me.”

“I wouldn’t have if I didn’t want to.”

“I haven’t forced your hand?”

“Never,” you reply, pulling him into a kiss. “I’m my own woman, I don’t need a preacher-man to guide me. I understand the Bible just as well as you, you know, I just wanted a reason to spend time with you.”

He laughs and brings his hand to cup your cheek. “Well, I’m glad your father thinks you’re as foolish as he is.”

[teenagegoldrush]

"the cross"

words: 9.2k

MASTERLIST season two

A/N: i do not claim to, nor do i own outer banks; the concept, characters, plot, etc

DAY TWENTY-ONE

The next morning, Andy awoke to an empty bed. She was extremely disoriented, compared to her usual state of disoriented-ness. She was wearing only her underwear and a random sweatshirt, which due to the fit, she assumed, was Kie’s, and the door was wide-open.

She took a moment to remind herself what happened the night before: Bonfire, borderline-blackout drunk, fighting club, camp fire, almost die, sleep with JJ….Right.

She could hear her friends usual raucous from down the hall, but before joining them, she decided she should shower. So she did.

Andy examined her face in the foggy mirror, wiping a spot for herself.

Her bottom lip was split, thanks to Yvonne, and her knuckles on both hands were split open. The only other “injuries” she had, were that her knees were bruised up, but they were always bruised.

She brushed her teeth, fixed her hair up a bit, got dressed, and sleepily shuffled down the hall, and out to the sun room, where her friends were.

John B was slouched on one of the arm chairs, sunglasses covering his eyes, Kie was laid up on a couch, her beanie over her eyes, Pope was sat in one of the wicker chairs, wrapped in a blanket.

JJ was leaning against the wall, a foam basketball in his hand.

“And she rises!” John B said, peering at her over his glasses.

She shrugged, sitting down beside Kie’s feet. “With the sun.”

Pope laughed, mockingly. “Sun came up like two hours ago.”

“Tomato, tomat-o.” Andy narrowed her eyes at him. “What have I missed?”

“Just discussing last night’s unfortunate events.” Kie replied, her voice muffled by her arm as she had it over her head.

“What kinda injuries you got?” John B nodded at her.

She held her hands up, showing her knuckles. “Busted my hands open, bruised my knees.” She patted her lip. “Split lip too, but I’ll live.”

JJ shrugged, toying with the ball in his hands. “Could always be worse- Hey.”

His eyes trailed to the door, across the room, where Sarah was entering. “Well hello Princess.”

“What’s up?” Kie groaned, pulling the beanie off her eyes.

“Shouldn’t you be on Figure 8 with your little group of polo players?” John B asked, sitting up. “Or did you break up with Topper?”

Sarah grinned at him, narrowing her eyes. “We’re just friends.”

“You seem to have a lot of friends Sarah Cameron…” John B’s eyes followed her.

“Yeah and it seems you have some of your own too.” Sarah snapped back.

“Alright, what are you doing here?” He asked, growing tired of the childish argument.

Sarah sat down in a chair next to Pope. “I’m here for Pope.”

Pope’s eyes widened in surprise. “I think I found the island room.”

Pope sat upright, throwing the blanket off of him. “What? What are you talking about?”

Sarah nodded. “The Island Room. It’s at Tannyhill.”

Pope’s eyes never got smaller as he looked around the room at everyone.

“Well shit, let’s load up ya’ll. We gotta go!” JJ made the first move, clapping his hands so that everyone would get a move on.

They all got up, going their separate ways to find their shoes and then meeting up at the van, where John B drove them towards Tannyhill.

“Okay, listen to this.” Pope announced, reading from his copy of Tanny’s diary. “The diary says the cross holds the most holy relic in all of Christendom, the Garment of the Savior.”

“So there’s a holy garment, inside a holy artifact?” Andy questioned.

“Yes.” Pope nodded. “It says the garment is capable of healing the sick from any malady-“

“”If only I may touch His garment, I shall be made well.”” JJ recited, looking over Pope’s shoulder.

Pope whipped around to look at him.

“What! I went to Sunday school.” JJ shrugged.

“Well that explains why Limbrey wants the cross so bad.” Kie said. “She thinks it can heal her. What else does it say?”

“”Many feel that we have sinned, to steal such a sacred thing. And God will strike his vengeance on us.”” Pope replied.

“That’s the thing.” Andy shook her head.

“God did have his vengeance.” Kie agreed.

“He sent a hurricane to sink the ship.” Pope sighed. “Only Denmark survived.”

Heavy vibes settled over the group again, making the rest of the ride a silent one.

When they arrived at Tannyhill, Sarah let them in, Kie following closely by her, then Pope, and Andy, JJ and John B last.

The house was silent. Assumedly, Wheezie was at school, Rafe was god-knows-where, and Rose was at the Cameron offices.

“This place still freaks me out.” John B mumbled.

“Yeah, same.” JJ agreed, as they walked through the labyrinth of hallways in the mansion.

Sarah lead them to a room at the end of a hallway. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Pope practically gasped when he stepped inside.

“Yep, I know, right? It’s the island room.” Sarah shrugged, as the others entered the room. “It’s been here this whole time.”

The room seemed to be a dining room. The table was set for a party, and a china cabinet was stocked with plates, bowls and cutlery.

“This definitely means something.” JJ did a double-take of the room.

Each of them went to a different part of the mural, examining and trying to decipher the images.

Andy came across Rixton’s Cove, and looked across the room, to where the old church was on the wall. “This is a map of the island.” She said, speaking for the first time in awhile.

“Yeah, D, you’re right.” JJ nodded, walking over to her. “Rixton’s here. Then the lighthouse.” JJ pointed at the wall in front of her.

“Guys look. Parcel 9 and the well.” Kie ran her hand along her wall.

“So if that’s Parcel 9, and this is Rixton’s-“ Andy turned to look at the far wall. “That’s the surf break at Mase.”

Two houses on a hill, surrounded by water.

JJ and John B followed her, John B, holding the copies of Tanny’s diary.

“Pope, c’mere.” JJ said, concentrating. “This is Denmark’s handwriting, for sure.”

Pope joined them as JJ snatched the drawing out of John B’s hand and held it up for comparison. The drawings were almost identical.

“Denmark, you genius!” Pope cheered. “These are all his drawings, he painted the whole room.”

“The question is why.” Kie said, still looking at her wall. “What’s he trying to tell us?”

“It’s gotta have something to do with the key, right?” JJ asked, rhetorically.

“How did you know to uncover this?” John B asked, turning to Sarah.

“I didn’t.” She replied, a confused look on her face. “It was like this when I got home.”

Andy’s heart dropped. Somebody beat them to it.

Limbrey.

“Okay, then who did it?” Kie asked.

“I don’t know!” Sarah shrugged.

“The freaks.” Wheezie said, appearing out of nowhere and scaring them all.

“Jesus Christ!” JJ clutched his chest.

“Wheeze? Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” Sarah asked, walking over to her.

“Wait, what freaks are we talking about Wheezie?” JJ asked.

“That sick lady and her attack dogs.” Wheezie nodded. “They showed up last night and wanted to talk to Rafe.”

Rafe. Great.

Rafe’s potential involvement just made the game a thousand times more dangerous and unpredictable. Especially after his stunt with Sarah at the boat lot.

“Pale blond lady? With crutches?” JJ asked.

Wheezie nodded to both statements.

“It’s gotta be Limbrey.” John B said. “What happened?”

“Well they searched the whole house looking for something. Then Rafe told me to go upstairs. But I didn’t wanna miss out so I listened through the grate.”

“Where was Rose?” Sarah asked.

“Around here somewhere. You know how she is. Quiet as a mouse.” Wheezie replied. “And they were talking about getting across the sand flamingo.”

“That’s code for something.” JJ nodded.

“The cross?” Andy asked. “The Cross of Santo Domingo.”

Wheezie nodded. “Yes, yep. That’s it. They were talking about angels. A lot of angel talk.”

“Angels?” John B asked.

“Denmark’s famous last words.” Pope said, eyes wide again. “He buried the real treasure at the foot of the angel. They’re looking for an angel. We need to find an angel in the room!”

He immediately began to search through the paintings for an angel.

Everyone else followed his lead, examining the walls, inch by inch and looking for an angel. They were all speaking out loud, the room becoming more and more chaotic the longer they looked.

“What’s going on? Are you guys gonna tell me?” Wheezie asked, as she watched them all.

They ignored her.

“Hey, yo, I found something!” JJ shouted, making them all go silent.

“This humongous tree is still on Goat Island.” He placed his palm against the painting of a huge knotted oak tree.

“Oh yeah.” Andy nodded, approaching him. “That’s where we used to go when we didn’t want Big John to bust us smoking weed.”

“It’s called Angel Oak.” JJ replied. “And look right there, it’s a key hole.” He pointed to a keyhole painted at the center of the tree.

“That means the cross is buried at the foot of the angel.” Pope recited. “That must be where he put it. That must be where they are right now, we have to go!”

“I think I’m Sherlock Holmes, right?” JJ grinned, proud of his discovery. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“‘Kay, hurry up Sherlock.” Andy shook her head, pulling him out the door as everyone else bolted towards the van.

John B drove once again, back towards the Cut to get to Goat Island

“Freedman’s church.” Pope said as they passed the oldest church on the island. “The church Denmark built for all the slaves he freed.”

As they came across the land-bridge, they could see the oak in the distance, towering over the crops.

“Oh shit. Tide’s coming in.” John B groaned, slamming to a stop.

Andy leaned up between him and JJ, seeing that the road was a muddy mess, and the water would start slowly rising soon.

“They already came through here.” Pope pointed at the road. “Those have to be Limbrey’s tire tracks.”

“Mmm, what do you think chief?” JJ ignored him, looking over at John B.

“Lookin’ a little dicey.” John B shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to agree with that statement.” JJ nodded.

“Twinkie can take it.” Andy said, patting the dashboard.

“Why are ya’ll acting like you’re not gonna do it anyway?” Sarah asked, trying not to laugh. “Like when have ya’ll ever done the safe thing?

John B looked at JJ, then at Andy. “She’s got a point.”

“Speed is your friend here.” JJ sat upright, bracing himself. “Put her in second and hammer down, bro.”

“Stick to the ground in the middle.” Pope reminded them.

John B let off the brake, shifting into second, and flooring it. “You’re not gonna make it. You’re not going fast enough!” JJ shouted.

Andy crouched on the floor, one hand on each headrest as she watched through the cracked windshield, the mud pit grow closer.

They fishtailed a bit, and Pope was muttering complaints as they barely made it through the mud.

“That’s my girl!” John B cheered, smacking the steering wheel.

“Twinkie’s nothing if not reliable.” Andy nodded as they finally made a stop.

“Angel Oak, right through here.” JJ climbed out of the van, motioning to a small path cut through the trees. “And word to the wise: there’s definitely gator nests out here, so keep your eyes peeled, right?”

“Gators have nests…?” Kie asked, questioning JJ’s credibility.

“Yeah?” JJ said, matter-of-factly. “You don’t wanna be a Pat Womack. Got her calf chewed off by an alligator.”

“That’s actually not true?” Kie corrected him. “Pat Womack was injured in a car accident, but I hear you.”

“Okay, just live in ignorance.” JJ shrugged, grabbing a big stick as they were walking. “But she had half her calf chewed off by a mama gator and that’s just a fact. They like the brackish water.”

JJ stopped, standing over the ledge of a patch of water. “Hang on, I see something.”

Andy sighed, knowing exactly what he was doing. He was playing a scare-tactic with Kie and Sarah, just something to liven up the energy.

JJ crouched down, the stick slung over his shoulder. Without a word, he smacked the stick into the water twice.

“Right. Wake them up. How smart.” Sarah shook her head.

JJ shrugged, standing upright. “I was just making sure it wasn’t a gator. That’s all.”

He dropped the stick, throwing his arm around Andy’s shoulders, and they began to follow Pope through the brush towards the tree.

The closer they got, the louder the island became.

They crouched down behind some bushes, watching as Limbrey, her “assistant”, Rafe, and a whole excavation team dug up the ground around the tree.

Limbrey was sat, in an old beach chair, supervising as the team lifted a casket out of one of the holes in the ground.

“They got the cross?” JJ nudged Andy. “What do we do?”

“Just shush and watch!” She nudged him back.

Rafe pried the casket open, and Andy could see Limbrey’s shoulders drop. It wasn’t the cross.

“We’re going back! We’re going back, it’s not over!” She shouted, announcing to her employees.

The workers listened, loading up their equipment and tools, and driving their vehicles out of the swamp.

The Pogues ducked behind the bush, waiting until there was complete silence to stand back up.

Pope went first, stomping his way over to the casket that was left above ground.

Andy quickly chased after him, the rest of them following. “Cecelia Tanny, Denmark’s wife.” Pope said, crouched over the open casket.

Andy frowned, staring at the remains of Cecelia. Just a skull, and some dirt. “So they unearthed her and left her here… To the elements.”

Pope stood up, turning to look at her with solemn eyes, then turning back to the tree. “He wasn’t talking about the cross. He buried her at the foot of the angel.”

Andy sighed, understanding what Pope was saying. To Denmark Tanny, his wife was his treasure. The true treasure. Buried at the foot of the angel.

“The true treasure.” She said, peering up at the tree.

Pope turned back around, teary-eyed, and sat down beside the coffin. “Denmark was hung for burying his wife. And now they defiled her grave.”

Andy sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

The rest of their friends sat down around the casket, and Sarah reached inside, pulling out a small gold ring.

“This must’ve been her wedding ring.” She and John B shared a look.

“We can’t leave her like this.” Pope said.

Andy lifted her head from his shoulder. “No. Of course not.” She nodded to JJ and John B.

They all stood, the boys lifting the lid back onto the casket. Pope and Sarah went searching for some flowers while JJ and John B hammered the lid.

Pope returned with a bundle of wild flowers, placing them on top of the box.

Everyone stepped back to give him some space, then the three boys carefully maneuvered the casket back into the hole, and JJ and Andy began shoveling dirt on top of it again.

In the mean-time, Kie and John B went back to the van, bringing it inland to where they were. Sarah sat at the base of the tree, listening as Pope paced back and forth and expressed his grievances to them.

“I still don’t get it. You guys saw the map!”

“He hides his gold so nobody finds it for one-hundred and seventy years. And then he sends a message to his son Robert, to come to his mother’s grave. But-“

“The message never makes it.” Sarah nods, knowing the story.

Andy bushed the dirt off of her jeans, handing her shovel to JJ and he put them in the back of the van.

Shoutout to the excavation crew for leaving them, conveniently.

“Denmark wanted him to find the cross. It was his legacy, I know we’re in the right spot. It just feels like-“

“Like we missed something?” JJ asked, staring up at the tree.

Andy turned, confused as to what he was looking at. “What’s up?” She asked, walking over to him.

He ignored her, climbing up to the roof of the van. Albeit confused, Andy followed him, climbing up to stand beside him on the roof.

He nudged her with his elbow, staring at the center of the tree, where a hole, exactly like the keyhole in the painting was.

“Bullseye.” JJ grinned, tapping the tree bark.

“It’s the keyhole.” Andy said, looking down at the others. “From the painting at Tannyhill.”

She looked back at JJ. “It’s worth a shot, right?” She shrugged as he stepped aside. “Go for it.”

Andy scoffed. “No chance, slick. You’re the one who discovered it, you stick your hand in.” JJ wouldn’t move. “If I recall correctly, I did almost drown in the storm drain so…”

Below them Kie nodded. “She did almost drown. It’s totally your turn.”

JJ sighed. “Yeah, no I’m gonna do it.” He pulled his sleeve back. “It’s just-“

“He’s scared?” Andy suggested, watching over JJ’s shoulder.

“I am not scared dude.” He scoffed, peering back at her.

“You seem scared.” Andy grinned.

JJ shook his head, wiggling his hand around to find a suitable position for it to fit inside the tree, and then sticking it in. All the way up to his shoulder.

“There’s something in here.” He said, focusing on whatever his hand was feeling. “Wait-“

“Shit!” JJ shouted, his arm being tugged inside the tree. He screamed, scaring the shit out of Andy.

She grabbed his shoulder, using all her strength to pull him back, and his arm out of the tree.

JJ stopped suddenly, pulling his arm out of the tree, and laughing. Andy’s mouth opened in shock as she let go of his body.

“Oh, you asshole!” Pope scoffed from below them.

“I got all of you on that one.” JJ laughed, absolutely tickled pink with his prank. “Even you, babe-“ He turned to Andy.

“Move!” Andy snapped, stepping in front of him. Shaking her head, she stuck her arm inside the hole, feeling around for literally anything.

“Is there really something?” Kie asked.

Andy’s hand wrapped around something cold and cylindrical. Almost like a soda can, but too long. “Yeah, hold on.” She pulled at it, slowly maneuvering it out of the hole.

In her hand was a capsule. Big enough to hold with both of her hands. She handed it down to Pope, who had his hand held up to her.

John B held his arm out, and she grabbed it, jumping down from the roof of the van.

JJ followed her, and Pope handed the capsule back to her. “H.M.S Royal Merchant.” She read, dusting the engravement off with her finger.

JJ snatched it from her hands. “Give it to the captain!” He grinned, stepping away from her and extending it. “It’s a spyglass.”

“No, there’s something on the end!” Andy scoffed, noticing more inscriptions.

She grabbed it back from him, holding it so she and Pope could look at it.

“”You’ve come this far, do not falter. The cross is on the Freedman’s alter.”” Pope read from the spyglass.

“Freedman’s alter.” Andy repeated. “The cross is at the church.”

Pope smiled, taking the spyglass from her and closing it up.

“What are we doing here guys, we gotta goooo!” JJ shook his head, confused as to why they were all still standing around.

That was all it took for them to jump back into action, piling back into the van and heading back across the island.

They made it fairly far, before they came back to the patch of water they encountered before, except this now if had transformed into a pond.

“Shit. The tide.” Pope groaned.

“How deep d’ya think?” Andy asked, leaning back up in the front.

John B shrugged. “Can’t tell. The road’s gone.”

He slammed the van to a stop, the six of them staring at the water. “The tide rose a little faster than I thought…” JJ said.

“So how high are the spark plugs?” Andy asked.

“Uh… they’re good? We’re fine. We’ll be fine.” John B replied, clutching the wheel.

“That’s very convincing.” She nodded. “How high are they?” She repeated.

He winced, turning and poking his head out the window. “Just above the tail light.”

“So… three feet?”

JJ nodded. “Three feet.”

“There’s no way that water is three feet deep.” Kie said.

JJ smiled. “So then there’s no problem. We’re good, she’ll make it.”

Andy raised her eyebrows at his blind faith in the Twinkie’s capabilities. She was a van, not a submarine.

“Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts and or hold onto something. We’re going into hyperdrive.” John B announced.

Andy braced herself, gripping both the seats as she squatted between him and JJ. John B shifted into second again, and hit the gas.

“And, splash!” She said as the front tires plowed through the water.

They were actually moving pretty decently, and making good time. Until the mud beneath them got the better of the tires and suddenly they were wedged between two trees.

Twinkie’s engine sputtered, crying for help. “I think we miscalculated.” Andy mumbled, sitting back on her feet.

“I knew I should’ve driven.” JJ shrugged.

A few moments of silence passed, and they all decided to climb out the back.

Andy winced as she stepped into the murky water, it rose just below her knees, water seeping into her socks.

“Maybe we can walk from here?” Pope suggested, leaning against the van.

“What, and leave the Twinkie? The tide’s coming in, she’ll be gone.” John B replied.

“So then what are we supposed to do?” Sarah asked.

“Not stay here.” JJ said, growing fidgety.

“I can take my dad’s truck.” Kie suggested. “I just gotta get home and get the keys.”

Kie still had time to change things with her mom and dad. Running away from home wasn’t the absolute worst thing she could do. It was fixable.

Stealing your dad’s truck however, didn’t seem like something Kie could come back from.

Andy longed for a decent relationship with her parental figures, but unfortunately for her, every single parent she’d ever had, ended up leaving her. Or just not caring.

Kie was lucky. She could come back from her stint as an orphan.

And Andy was done being selfish. She’d done enough self-reflecting and alone time in the past few weeks, to know that her friends were the only ones that were there for her. No matter what, they were always there, even if they had some rocky moments.

She would take the fall for Kie.

Andy’s head whipped around. “No, Kie.” She shook her head. “I’ll do it. I’ll take your dad’s truck.”

“Um, what?” Kie scoffed. “You wanna steal my dad’s truck.”

“Shit might be rocky with your parents right now but your relationship with them is still repairable. If you steal the truck, it’s endgame for you.

Me on the other hand, I got nothing to lose. No relationship with your parents, no fear of authority.

I already have a criminal record, so if I were to be caught, it wouldn’t be any worse than anything that’s already happened to me. Just let me do it.”

Kie didn’t say anything for a moment. “Shockingly, you have a point.” She sighed. “It’s a suicide mission, but-“

“Don’t try and talk me out of it.” Andy waved her off. “You’ve still got a future. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m coming with you.” JJ said, stepping forward. “Well need something to pull her out with and I know there’s a winch at the Chateau. That’s like two miles.”

“Okay, if you’re gonna do it, let’s go?” John B shrugged. “Tide’s coming in, and Twinkie’s going for a swim.”

“Right.” Andy nodded.

“Okay, D, the keys should be right inside the foyer. On the table by the steps. Get in, get out, make sure nobody knows you were there, understood?” Kie explained.

Andy nodded, absorbing all the information. “Just be careful, alright?”

Andy nodded, turning to follow JJ through the water. They trudged through the muck, making it to land.

“How long do you think you can run for?” JJ asked.

Andy shrugged. “Well I’m not drunk, and I did track in middle school, so probably most of the way?”

JJ nodded. “Right, then let’s go.”

The pair ran as much as they could, knowing time was important.

By the time they reached Kie’s house, their clothes had dried, although there was mud and grass caked on the bottom of her boots, which she managed to stomp off on the sidewalk outside.

She could tell JJ was nervous. “You sure you wanna do this? Grand theft auto’s a hell of a charge.”

Andy shook her head. “Possession is worse. Go wait by the truck. I’ll only be a minute.”

She opened the latch on the gate, crouching beside the house and quietly heading to the front door. She inhaled nervously, turning the handle on the door and going inside, tip-toeing into the foyer.

She could hear Kie’s parents in the kitchen, laughing about something.

Andy sighed, searching for the keys. She hoped that Kie could repair her relationship with her parents. Something that Andy could never do herself.

Andy finally saw the keys, in a basket. She grabbed them, turning on her heel and quietly leaving the house.

She sprinted back outside, out the gate and to the truck, where JJ was waiting. In a sickening way, JJ had a smile on his face, proud of what they were about to accomplish.

Although, Andy felt tremendous guilt, for continually screwing over the Carerras, she was glad she volunteered to do it instead of Kie.

She jumped in the driver’s seat, JJ beside her. “You sure you can handle this thing?” He asked.

Andy scoffed, starting the truck. “I was born for the big rigs baby.”

She floored it, getting away from the house as fast as she could, and out of Figure 8, and heading towards the Chateau.

“This’ll only take a sec. I think it’s in the bungalow. I’ll be right back.”

No sooner did Andy put the truck in park, than did JJ jump out, running towards the bungalow.

He took a few steps, then attempted to jump over a pile of brush from the fire the night before, but fell flat on his face.

Andy couldn’t help but laugh, covering her hand with her mouth as JJ stood back up and continued to the bungalow, as if nothing had happened.

She waited, patiently. But it seemed to take longer than he said. He just had to grab the winch and come back, it wasn’t a five-minute operation, so what was taking so long?

She honked the horn. “JJ?”

“One sec babe!” JJ replied, not in sight. “Still looking for it!”

Andy sighed, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. If she got out, she could find the winch in like five seconds- No shit.

Her eyes widened, when out from behind a wall in the bungalow stepped Luke Maybank, followed closely by JJ.

“Oh hell no. Immediately no.” She scoffed, opening the door and getting out of the truck.

JJ had his arms full of the winch as he rushed towards the truck. “Ah, just get in the truck.”

“Excuse me?” Andy shook her head as JJ passed her, tossing the winch into the bed of the truck.

“Not talking to you!” JJ snapped as he watched his dad climb into the back seat.

“The Twinkie’s drowning right now. Our friends are stuck in high-tide on Goat Island and your dad’s here? I thought he was in prison? What happened, what’s going on-“

JJ clenched his jaw, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her into the truck. “Just listen to me! Shut your damn mouth and listen to me, one time!”

Andy’s initial reaction to the physical contact was to shove him off, punch him in the face, and tell him and his dirtbag dad to have a nice life; but her secondary reaction was the opposite.

Stand still, don’t speak, let him explain.

JJ was sensitive when it came to his father.

“Do you think your dad would help get my dad out of the country?”

Andy shook her head. “Boat’s out of commission, remember? He’s land-bound for the foreseeable future.”

JJ groaned. “Then I need to get into the marina at the Island Club. There’s a boat he can take. The sticker’s on the truck, we just need like twenty extra minutes.”

He released her arms, walking back around to the passenger side of the truck. “The Twinkie will be a submarine in twenty minutes, JJ.”

“I know D.” JJ sighed.

“Leave his ass!” She snapped back. “We can come back later?”

“The cops are after him!” JJ shouted, smacking the hood of the truck. “If I do this now, maybe I’ll never have to do it again.”

“You don’t have to keep doing this JJ.” She sighed, staring at him. “You can’t keep helping him.”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” JJ replied, refusing to look at her. “Just get in the truck.”

Without another word, he got back into the truck.

Taking another moment to think it through, Andy got in too.

JJ would risk everything for his dad, clearly. And she knew he would risk everything for her too. So the least she could do was help him, help his shitty dad, hopefully one last time.

Then it was back to the others.

Andy reversed out of the yard and floored it down the driveway, nobody speaking the entire time.

A few minutes into the drive, Father-of-the-Century finally spoke. “Pull up to Home Foods here, I’m gonna need some provisions.”

“What does this look like, an Uber? I don’t take directions from you-“

“Just do it.” JJ shook his head. “Please.”

Andy internally screamed, begrudgingly pulling into the dirt parking lot of the grocery stand.

“Crackers and baked beans, and tuna, alright? And some salt and pepper. Five days worth.” Luke nodded at JJ as he climbed out of the truck and headed inside.

A few moments of silence passed. Then Luke began drumming on the back of Andy’s seat.

She clenched her jaw, holding it in for as long as possible, until she couldn’t anymore.

“Do you mind!” She snapped, whipping her head around to look at him.

Luke looked pleased with his agitating her, but stopped. “You’re a terrible father, do you know that?”

Luke laughed, nodding. “Preach it to me. Set me straight.”

Andy turned back around, and fought every urge to physically lash out at him, and instead opted for the mental game.

“Do you have any idea who your son is? How special he is? How bright and loving and selfless he is? He would do anything for his friends, for the people he loves. He would lay his life down for me in a heartbeat. Do you see what he’s doing for you right now?”

“He’s a thief, is what he is.” Luke replied.

“I’m a thief!” Andy snapped. “You think this is my truck? You know where I come from, this doesn’t belong to me!

And you’re no better. You’re just a wasted local salt, who never amounted to shit. In and out of jail, shitty father, can’t keep a job. Nothing to gloat about.”

Luke laughed at Andy’s insults. “You sound just like your mama.”

She whipped back around to him. “I don’t know who my mom even is.” She snapped.

Luke raised his eyebrows at him. “She sounded just like you. Always thought she was better than everyone else. Kook princess… Then again, them Camerons always did.”

Andy clenched her jaw, not understanding what he was saying.

“I see you’re actually a lot like your mama.” Luke leaned towards her. “Slumming with the bad boys, hanging around on the Cut.”

“I don’t know who you think I am, but I am not a Cameron. I’m a Kane. Born and raised to live and die on the Cut. I’m not a Kook, and I never will be.”

“You’re telling me, your daddy never told you about your mama? The real story?”

Andy narrowed her eyes at Luke. “He told me my mom was a Kook, and couldn’t hack it on the Cut, so she abandoned me. Simple as that.”

“Ain’t nothing simple about it.” Luke shook his head. “Your mom was an ungrateful shit, and you seem to be just like her-“

Andy didn’t let Luke say another word, as she clocked him right in the face with her fist.

“Shut the fuck up.” She snapped, turning back to the front, where JJ was walking towards them, his arms full of grocery bags.

Andy didn’t hit Luke hard enough to draw blood, just enough to scare him into finally being quiet.

JJ hopped back in the truck, looking at both of them, confused. “Everything alright?”

Andy clutched the steering wheel, her busted knuckles almost white. “Peachy. Let’s get going.” She put the truck into drive, and they were on their way.

They made it through the club gates without issue, due to the membership sticker on Mr. Carrera’s windshield.

Andy parked, sitting silently as JJ got out, rounding the back of the truck to grab his dad’s supplies.

“Think. About what I said.” Luke said. “Maybe go ask your papa a few questions… and tell him I said I’ll see him down below.”

Andy turned back to him, her jaw clenched. “Shut up!” JJ snapped, before she could retaliate, grabbing him by his shoulder.

Andy grabbed the steering wheel again, to keep her hands from shaking. Out of anger? Maybe fear?

"Make it quick.” She snapped.

JJ nodded, pulling his dad behind him, and out of sight.

Andy’s head was reeling. Her face was fuzzy and she was dying hot, even though she was only in a tank top and jeans.

She blinked a few times, trying to calm herself down.

What did Luke mean, her mother was a Cameron?

It was Luke Maybank for fucks sake, he lied like it was his full-time job. There was no way her mom was a Cameron.

Yes, her dad did tell her she was a Kook. But a Cameron?

He must’ve had her mistaken with Sarah.

And what did he mean, he’d see her dad "down below?"

Hopefully he meant in hell, which was for-sure where they were both ending up. But Andy had a sick feeling he meant somewhere in this world.

The walls of the truck felt like they were closing in. The air was growing blistering, and Andy swore she could feel her heart start to beat out of her chest.

She needed to get out.

She jumped out of the truck, following in the direction that JJ had went minutes before.

As she rounded the corner, she could see the boat at the end of the dock. And as she got closer, she could see JJ and his dad, engaging in a seemingly heart-felt conversation.

When she reached the end of the dock, JJ was hugging his dad. And her heart dropped.

She knew it was goodbye.

But as soon as JJ saw her, he released his dad, stepping back and out of the boat. “Hey, you good?” He asked, concerned.

Andy swallowed her tears, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Just came to check on you.”

JJ nodded too. “Help me let him loose?”

Andy nodded again, grabbing the rope to the front of the boat and untying it from the dock.

She waited for JJ, watching him intently as he held the rope in his hand, taking a moment to think about everything. And when he tossed the rope into the boat, so did she.

They watched his father float away.

She walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle. JJ stood, watching as his dad faded further and further into the ocean.

He sniffled, holding back big tears as he shrugged Andy off, taking two pill bottles in his hand and emptying them into the ocean, leaving the empty bottles on the dock.

Andy bit her lip, giving him his moment. And when he was finished, he stopped, staring at her with teary eyes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered as he grabbed her, pulling her into him.

JJ shook his head, not saying anything for a moment. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah. You can drive though.” She nodded as he let go of her, opting to hold her hand instead, as they walked back to the truck.

“You sure you’re okay? He didn’t get into your head or anything, did he?” JJ asked as they exited the country club.

Andy nodded, lying, once again. “It’s all good. It just pisses me off, that you have to keep going through that.”

JJ shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. It’s better that he’s gone.”

Andy nodded. That was a courageous, and very non-JJ thing to say. But it was the truth.

JJ Maybank was better off without his dad.

When they got back to Goat Island, the other four were on top of the van.

“Where the hell have you been?” Pope shouted, clearly frustrated.

Andy sighed, getting out of the truck. “Paternal complications…. His, not mine.”

JJ also got out, digging through the truck bed for the winch. “Luke was at the Chateau.”

“Great!” Pope scoffed. “While you were having family time, John B got bit by a gator!”

“Like for real?” JJ asked.

Andy squinted, trying to see them clearly.

“Does it look like we’re joking?” Kie asked, motioning to the blood smeared on the roof.

“Well what the hell happened?” Andy asked.

“What happened?” John B repeated. “I got bit by a gator!”

“He got bit by a gator!” Pope yelled at the same time.

Andy’s mouth opened in shock. “I dunno why I’m being yelled at? I put my ass on the line for all of you!”

“You volunteered to steal the truck!” Kie yelled back.

“You’re being yelled at because it was a twenty-minute operation that took two hours!” Pope yelled too.

“We got here as fast as we could-“ Andy defended herself.

“Shut up!” JJ screamed, making everyone finally stop yelling. “Seriously, I can’t take it anymore! All we ever do is argue!” He sighed, leaning his back against a tree near him.

“Look, I just helped my dad leave the island for good. Like he’s not ever coming back. He’s straight-up, like the Spanish, “bon-voyage”.”

Despite the severity of the situation, Andy couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“That’s not the right language…” She heard Sarah whisper.

“All we got, is each other.” JJ said. “I know for a fact, you guys are all I got. Okay? You’re it.” He paused, looking over at Andy, who nodded at him.

“And I’ve come too close to losing all of you! I mean, shit you and Kie almost drowned.” He pointed at Andy.

“Pope, you were kidnapped. Sarah, you were shot. John B, you were almost dinner for an alligator. So this blaming each other, is some Kook-ass bullshit. It needs to stop. We don’t do that, we’re Pogues.” JJ took another moment.

“Sorry, that was a lot right now.”

Nobody said anything for a moment, until John B and Pope began clapping. Kie, Sarah, and Andy followed their lead, giving a round of applause for JJ’s speech.

Andy shook her head. “No need to apologize for speaking your truth.”

“I gotta be honest, that was the best freaking speech you’ve ever given.” John B smiled at him. “But also, you should think about Rosetta Stone, because your Spanish and French are flip-flopped.”

JJ shook his head, flipping them all off with both of his hands.

“How about we bon-voyage outta here?” Sarah suggested, considering they were still stuck in the rising tide.

“Right!” JJ clapped his hands together, jumping back into action. “Let’s get this damn Twinkie outta here.”

JJ and Pope attached the winch and cable from the truck to the van, Kie got behind the Twinkie’s wheel and Andy behind the truck, and shockingly, as a group, they managed to free the Twinkie from the marsh.

After a few minutes of celebration, they were off to their next location: Freedman’s church.

The church was creepy. It was old, dirty, and seemed to be not structurally-sound. Vines grew up the walls, cracks ran across the ceiling, and there were holes all over the floor.

“So you’re telling me Denmark Tanny decided to hide the cross here?” JJ asked, looking around.

Pope ignored him. “Everybody just spread out.” Kie said.

“Well if I was a cross and wanted to be hidden in an old church, where would I be…” John B thought out-loud.

Nobody really did any progressive looking, save for Pope. He was on his hands and knees, searching the floors and under the pews.

“Are you sure he really hid the cross here, Pope?” JJ asked. “Like, are we at the right church?”

“It’s gotta be here somewhere guys.” Pope shrugged, standing up.

“The spyglass said Freedman’s church.” Andy shook her head, looking up at the walls.

“What if we have to push a secret button, or like play a certain chord?” JJ wondered aloud, walking over to the old piano. “And all of the sudden, the ground beneath us reveals the catacombs or something.”

“How about we try to find the obvious clues?” John B suggested. “Where would you hide a seven-foot tall cross, made of gold?”

Andy searched the ceiling, looking for any sign of a secret hiding spot. Different-colored paint, or a loose board- Her eyes stopped on the support beams.

They were assembled in the shape of crosses. Three of them.

“Pope?” Andy said, startling them all from their search.

“What?” He asked, walking over to her. She said nothing, but simply pointed at the ceiling. “You don’t think-“

She looked at him, nodding. “Going up?”

“You’re coming with.” He replied.

The pair, went over to the wall, examining it. There seemed to be enough gaps and holes in the concrete to provide foot-holds for them to scale it.

Pope went first.

“Hey, yo, what are you doing?” JJ asked, watching Pope begin to climb.

“What, are you Spiderman suddenly? What are ya’ll doing?” Kie also asked.

They both ignored them, as Andy followed Pope carefully up to the top of the wall.

“This church is old, you really shouldn’t be doing that-“ John B said, peering up at them.

Pope reached the end of the beam, rushing to sit himself on top of it so that Andy could get up there too.

“Let me just be real, neither of ya’ll are the most coordinated people on the planet. Do you hear me?” JJ scolded them.

Pope ignored them, as Andy maneuvered herself to the other side of the first cross.

He pounded the side of his fist on the wood. “This one’s solid wood.”

Andy nodded, turning carefully and crawling to the middle cross. She sat down, leaning her back against the wood behind her and kicking at it with her boot. “Solid too.” She shook her head.

Pope crawled to meet her. “Go to the next one.”

She nodded, carefully standing up and walking to the edge of the beam. “Yo, watch out for that wasp’s next right above you!” JJ said from below them.

Andy looked up, and sure enough, there was a monster nest just above the cross. She could hear the bees buzzing, and a few of them were flying around. Fuck.

Pope slowly met up with her, holding onto the last cross for support. “This one’s all you.” She shook her head, squatting down beside the cross.

Pope tapped it with his foot, a knocking sound emitting from the wood. “It’s hollow.” He whispered. “Go get me a crowbar!” He commanded.

Sarah shook her head, turning and running out of the church, only to return, with a crowbar.

“Here Pope!” She tossed it into the air, and to everyone’s surprise, Pope caught it.

“Pope, forget ye not about the bees? ‘Kay?” Andy raised her eyebrows. “Just don’t get us killed.”

Pope nodded, taking his first hit to the wood. Then another, and another, until he smashed a hole into it.

He used the curved end of the crowbar to pull a chunk out of the wood, and in the sunlight Andy could see a small glimpse of gold.

Pope set the crowbar down, and he and Andy used their hands to rip the rest of the wood off of the beam. Andy couldn’t help but smile, her face emitting the cheesiest grin she could, as they revealed a giant gold cross.

Across from her Pope was silent, his eyes wide in shock. He did it.

Below them, their friends cheered, laughing and hugging each other in celebration. Another mystery solved, another treasure found.

“We did it.” Pope laughed, in disbelief. “We did it!”

Andy nodded, feeling a prick on her neck. “Ouch, damnit.” She winced, smacking her neck. The body of a dead wasp was on her hand, when she pulled it back.

Shit.

Another one, on the top of her hand, and then another on her neck.

Across from her, the wasps were swarming Pope, he swatted and swung the crowbar in an attempt to stop the attack, but it was no use.

“Guys, they’re stinging now!” He shouted, alerting their friends. “D, you gotta get down!”

“Pope?” Andy scoffed, swatting another wasp away from her. “What about you?”

“You go first! If we jump at the same time, the cross might come down with us, and then the whole church. Just go!”

Andy shook her head, smacking another wasp off of her arm. “JJ?” She yelled, looking down at them.

“I got you!” He nodded, holding his arms up.

Andy didn’t wait for a countdown, she simply jumped, pushing her fear to the back burner and hoping that JJ would catch her.

Which he did.

The force of her jumping from so high up, sent the both of them on their asses, but it was better than the entire church collapsing on them. “You okay?” JJ asked, out of breath.

“I’ll be fine.” Andy shook her head, standing back up.

Above them, Pope had stood up, but the wood was now weak, and he slipped, hanging from the edge of the beam. “We gotta get cushions. Pope’s gonna fall!”

Everyone sprung into action, Kie and Sarah pushing pews out of the way, and Andy, JJ and John B grabbing cushions from the benches and piling them beneath Pope.

No sooner did they set the cushions in a pile, than did Pope lose his grip, falling to the ground. Everyone collectively let out a sigh of relief as he hit the ground, and Kie and Sarah helped him sit up.

Everyone was asking him questions; if he was okay, hurt, anything broken, feeling alright, etc. But Pope didn’t answer. He just stared up at the ceiling, looking at the cross.

Suddenly his eyes grew wide, and he rolled to the side, taking Andy with him. Everyone else took that as a sign, and dove out of the way, in just enough time for the cross to come flying out of it’s place, and onto the cushions below.

Andy sat back up, Pope still laying down beside her. “Pope… are you okay?” She asked, slightly out of breath.

Pope nodded softly. “I’m good. I’m alive. Just give me like one second to catch my breath?”

Andy let out another sigh of relief, trying to regulate her breathing as she stared at the giant golden cross. Pope did it.

Everyone else stood back up, checking themselves for injuries.

JJ and John B examined the cross, smiles on their faces. Sarah watched in awe, and Kie did too.

“Pope, she’s beautiful.” JJ nodded.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. The detail’s insane.” Sarah agreed.

“If we melted her old bones down, how much you think it’s worth? Like high billions, is what I’m thinking.”

“No, JJ. No. It belongs in a museum.” John B shook his head.

“A museum? Where nobody can see her?”

“In a museum where everyone can see her!” John B replied.

Pope finally sat up, breathing heavily still. “Hey! It’s my ancestor’s cross. This is bigger than money. And the world’s gotta know the truth.”

“Yes, and if we don’t get this shit outta here before Limbrey finds it, nobody’s gonna know. So saddle up-“ John B said.

Andy shook her head, as all six of them gathered around the cross, beginning to lift it. It was heavy as shit, and compared to the cross, they were simply too weak. Just six scrawny children.

They managed to get it off the ground, before Pope groaned. “Okay guys. I can’t- I can’t!” He dropped his part, almost taking Andy out with it, as the weight dropped to the floor.

When she collapsed, so did everyone else, dropping their portion of the cross onto the floor.

Pope laid himself out on the nearest pew, still breathing heavily. Andy frowned, noticing Pope’s deteriorating condition. “Pope…” She walked over to him, grabbing his hand.

“I’m not okay.” He gasped between breaths. “I’m. Not. Okay.”

Andy’s eyes widened, watching as Pope gasped for breath. His face was swollen, as was his hand. He was struggling to breath, and his skin was blazing to touch.

“He’s having an allergic reaction.” Andy said, but everyone else was still arguing, so nobody heard her.

“Hey!” She shouted, grabbing their attention. “Pope’s allergic to bees!”

On the bench, Pope was wheezing, his breaths becoming shorter. “I can’t breathe!” He cried out, clutching Andy’s hand.

The others gathered around them. “We have to go!” Andy yelled, pulling Pope upright.

“Right!” John B nodded. “JJ, Sarah, hide the cross. D, come on, we gotta come back later!”

She held Pope’s one arm, and John B held the other. Kie walked ahead of them to open the doors, as Sarah and JJ haphazardly covered the cross with the cushions from the church pews.

They dragged Pope to the truck, John B trying his best to settle Pope on the back seats comfortably.

“He needs adrenaline!” Andy frowned, watching as Pope fought to breathe. “An EpiPen. Do you not have one with you?”

Pope lazily shook his head no.

She whipped her head around to look at the other. “What are we supposed to do?!”

“I know where to go!” JJ announced. “Give me the keys.” Andy placed them in his palm as JJ jumped into the driver’s seat.

Andy climbed into the truck beside Pope, who was now sat up, his head out the window. “Is it better for you to breathe this way? Sitting up? Pope-“

Pope didn’t answer, but simply reached out, grabbing tightly at Andy’s sleeve. She stared intently at him, trying to hope for the best.

“What’s going on, it’s real quiet back there!” JJ shouted as he sped through the woods.

Andy’s breath hitched in her throat, trying to play it cool. “Thinking it’s better to be as calm as possible for Pope.” She replied softly. “But he’s still kicking.”

Her eye’s didn’t leave Pope’s, not until JJ haphazardly pulled up outside of his cousin Ricky’s, honking the horn to alert his of their arrival.

JJ jumped out of the truck, running up to the front door. “Ricky! Bro, hey! Ricky!” He pounded his fist on the door.

“Just stay here. I’ll be right back.” Andy said to Pope, and quickly followed JJ.

John B and Kie helped Pope out of the truck.

“Hey! I got a problem bro!” JJ rattled the door handle, trying to yank it open. “I know you’re mad at me-“

“Remember that time you stole my ambulance?” Ricky glared at JJ from behind the glass.

Andy bounded up the sidewalk, rushing beside JJ as Ricky slammed the door. Furious, she pushed JJ aside, banging her fists on the glass.

"Ricky! Ricky, come on!” She pounded on the door. “Pope is allergic to bees, and if we don’t get your help, he’s going to die!”

JJ left the doorstep, going to the window that looked into the livingroom. “He can’t breathe Ricky, please!”

Suddenly, beneath her fists, the door opened, Ricky standing before her. “Who can’t breathe?”

Andy, chest heaving from anger, turned around, pointing to Pope, who was being dragged towards the house.

She looked back at Ricky, who solemnly nodded, opening the door wider, for the six kids to enter through.

Andy pushed past him, Sarah close behind, and they cleared off the dining room table to lay Pope on.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ricky asked, feeling for Pope’s pulse as he laid down on the table.

“Wasps.” Sarah gasped.

“Wasps?” Ricky asked.

“He’s allergic!”

“Shit.” Ricky shook his head. At the end of the table, John B and JJ raised Pope’s legs up, while Kie and Sarah stood by, watching. “Hang tight, I gotta get my kit.” Ricky headed towards the garage.

“JJ go help him!” John B commanded.

Sarah took JJ’s place, holding up Pope’s leg, Andy stood by his head, watching as Pope wheezed below her.

“Pope, just keep breathing. I know it’s hard, but keep it up-“ Kie stepped beside her, holding Pope’s face.

After some shouting from JJ and Ricky, they returned, kit in-hand. “So what do we do now?” JJ asked.

Ricky laid his kit out on the table, rooting through it to look for the epinephrine. “You don’t do anything, cause you’re not a paramedic.”

Ricky began to situate the proper dosage of medicine to administer to Pope, pulling a needle, syringe, and vial of liquid out of the kit.

“Hey Pope, how you doing?” Ricky uncapped the syringe.

“You look like shit.” Ricky filled the syringe with the meds. “This is a pediatric dose of epinephrine.”

“And?” Andy snapped, clenching her jaw. She couldn’t understand the lack of urgency.

“It’s ten times the normal dose of epinephrine!” Ricky snapped back. “So if it doesn’t stop his heart, it’ll help him… But I have to use the whole thing or it won’t work. And I’m not going down if he dies.”

“What-“ Kie asked, shocked and disgusted, that Pope could potentially be dead within a matter of minutes.

“Whatever!” Andy cut her off. “Just do it!”

The room grew eerily silent as Ricky injected Pope’s arm with the adrenaline.

His breathing slowed, from erratic gasps, to almost silent. And Pope still didn’t move.

“You killed him.” Kie said quietly. “What did you do to him?” She looked up at Ricky, tears pooling in her eyes.

“I didn’t do shit.” Ricky shook his head. “I did exactly what you asked me to do.”

Andy’s eyes widened, the sick feeling sinking in.

Pope was dead.

[shammah8]

RHAPSODY OF REALITIES

Sunday 11 June 2023

CUSTODIANS OF TRUTH

Open ye the gates, that the righteous nation which keepeth the truth may enter in (Isaiah 26:2).

I’ll like you to observe two things that qualify a nation to come into the gates of God. The first is righteousness. The second is that the nation must have and walk in the truth. What nation is this custodian and observer of the truth?

God’s Word is Truth, and His truth was given to us in Christ Jesus. Thus, the Church of Christ is this nation that keeps the truth. Paul, writing to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3:15 called the house of God, which is the Church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth. We belong in the Church which is the custodian of the truth. The Church is a righteous nation. We’re God-like in true righteousness and holiness (Ephesians 4:24).

The Bible says, “For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Everyone who has accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour has been made righteous!

In Ephesians 4:24 (AMPC), Paul highlights that we were created in true righteousness and holiness: “And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God's image, [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness.” If you walk with sin consciousness, you wouldn’t know that you’re righteous. But His gate is opened to the righteous ones—the Church! What a blessing!

Peter corroborates this in his first epistle when he called us a holy nation: “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God's] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9 AMPC).

We’re a peculiar nation, born in righteousness, producing fruits of righteousness, and proclaiming His truth in righteousness.

              PRAYER

Righteous Father, your peace and prosperity reign in the nations of the world, as we, your Church, proclaim your truth and righteousness around the world. We overturn the structures, systems and schemes of satanic propagation of deception and fear across the nations, and we declare that your will be done in all the earth, as it is in heaven, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

FURTHER STUDY:

3 John 1:3-4;

1 Timothy 3:15

[biblethumpersims]

“Dad?”

“Yes, Mercy?”

“Can we get a house with a basement?”

“Why would you want a basement?” Samuel pauses his work to look at Mercy.

“In case a tornado hits our penthouse, or a nuclear war happens, or if Jesus comes back but we weren’t good enough to die so He leaves us to the mercy of Satanic atheists so we have to go into hiding underground.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re good enough to die when Jesus returns.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Is that sin?”

“Is what a sin?”

“I don’t know. Thinking we’re good enough for Heaven. I thought Jesus died because we’re all bad people that will never be good enough.”

“Yes, but then Jesus died. We believe in Him, and through Him we’ll be saved when He returns. Don’t they teach you that at Sunday school? Or homeschool?”

Mercy shrugs.

Samuel sighs. “Go get your mother.”

“But can we have a basement?”

“No. Go get your mother.”

[ask-ikevamp-faust]

Oh, a one time exception just for me? You flatter me, my soul. I’ll be sure to make the most out of this tantalizing opportunity. In fact, I think I’ll combine the idea behind Sinful Sunday with my latest response since you claim to enjoy my teasing.

In our last conversation, before I was ill, you mentioned that you hate the idea of another man fantasizing about me. However, I say let them have all the wicked fantasies they'd like because they're nothing more than delusions. After all, those men will never experience what you have full access to. They'll never feel me warming their bed at night or taste the sweetness of my lips. They’ll certainly never see me kneel before them with lust-hazed eyes or hear the sound of me crying out their name in sinful, pain-tinged ecstasy.

You compare me to a lavish gift, all yours to unwrap and savor, but I wonder…. Can I ever make you lose your composure? On a similar note, if you use the remote controlled vibrator on me, will you be able to break mine? It seems like we’ll have another delicious experiment to try out if you want to make me beg for you, my darling.

Your preference for rose gold is perfect, and it would look striking when combined with the black and deep blue of your color scheme. Diamonds are always fine with me for any stone choice, especially for an everyday necklace, but I’d also never turn down any stone that matches your beautiful eyes.

Interestingly enough, a few days ago, I came across a website called Play in Velvet with a perfect black, navy, and rose gold collection. If you find yourself on that website, you'll have to let me know what you think. I’m also interested in your preference for pet play collars. Which parts of pet play do you enjoy? You noticed my own preference for martingale collars, and I must admit that I enjoy the way they can be pulled on and tightened around the neck.

As for your honorific, what about “master” or “sir”? Both are classic options that fit you well and would look elegant when embroidered on the collar. I could even do the embroidery myself if you'd like.

My final question shall be the big one I’d been saving for Sinful Sunday: in your fantasies, what is it like when you sink your fangs into my neck for the first time? Am I sleeping peacefully, simply going about a normal day, or will you have me already waiting and wanting you?

I can already feel the way your eyes narrowed and your lips set into a wry smile as you read that last sentence. Do your fangs ache for me? Do you ache for me, my darling? At the very least, I'm sure you regret telling me you enjoy my teasing.

-L

(Thank you so much for the well wishes when I was feeling poorly, 🌙admin. With any of my responses, please feel free to respond however you feel the most comfortable with, as I’ve done a lot of rp and I’m also very comfortable with NSFW/kink topics! 💜)

(I will label things as "mature" and collapse my responses that contain NSFW content that begins to/will go further than suggestive/flirty. This falls under pre-discussed role play, both parties have consented.)

Perfect, I always look forward to your response. Yes… I suppose you’re right about that, I’m the one that gets to experience those things. The warmth radiating from your soft skin is always inviting, paired with the way your voice sings for me; I’m a very lucky man. If you’re that curious, you should try to make me lose my composure. I’m certain you can do it so I look forward to experiencing your methods. I’m not sure whether it’ll break you, but as long as you enjoy the experience that’s the important part. There will always be more opportunities to experiment.

Since I’d like for it to be for everyday wear, diamonds are okay. I’ll make the arrangements. 

I looked around the site, and they have stunning sets. What’s the name of the collection set you were looking at? I’d like to make sure we’re looking at the same thing. Personally, I’m not sure I could pick only one, several of them are appealing. They offer quite a variety of accessories, belts, harnesses, leashes, cuffs… if you don’t mind, I’d like to add all those to our inventory. I realize I said I wanted the accessories in my color palette but after exploring the site, I believe a variety in color would be nice as well.

Pet play has always intrigued me, both its sexual and non-sexual sides. I find it interesting that when the submissive goes into their “pet space”, it’s like a relief for them, a place they can let go of control and responsibilities. What intrigues me the most is that they find this relief through playing the role of an animal. The way they aim to please, crave praise and attention, treats, training, playtime, using non-verbal/animal communication, these non-sexual things; they truly enjoy being in the position of a pet. Some even like to have a cage and bowl, that’s a bit much for me but it’s interesting. The way you approach the roleplay is different depending on the animal chosen; I have a fondness for kitten and bunny play. I enjoy being the owner, taking full responsibility for the submissive and providing a space for them to indulge. As for the sexual parts, I mainly just enjoy the accessories; the ears, tail, collar, and leash. I met a few individuals who mixed their pet play with a breeding kink; I suppose they enjoyed engaging in animal mating habits. The entire branch is interesting but it’s not for everyone; many find it to be odd actually. If it doesn’t appeal to you that’s okay, there are plenty of other kinky things to try.

Those are good choices, I’m rather fond of “master” so let’s go with that. You are skilled with embroidery as well I see, that’s lovely. If you’d really like to do that I don’t mind, I’ll supply whatever you need.

Ahhh… First bite fantasies hmm… I don’t mind sharing. I apologize if it is not an accurate representation of you. I suppose you’ll have to show me the reality, I know it’ll exceed any fantasy my mind can conjure up. Let’s see, in my fantasies, your desire for me is making you a bit impatient because I’m making you wait. However, you don’t want to be too quick to beg, so you play it off and go about your day. I spend the day teasing you, stealing kisses, placing my fangs anywhere I can on you throughout the day, but never puncturing your skin. At some point before the day is over, I ask you to wait for me in my room. I find you lying on my bed hugging a pillow when I arrive. You claim to be tired when I attempt to question you. Since I don’t believe you, I trap you on the bed as you try to get up. Looming over you as you sit at the edge of the bed, I remind you that I don’t appreciate deception, I wait for your response as I run my hand from the top of your head to the base of your neck. Since the beginning of the sentence sounds like denial again, I hold your chin to steal a kiss. I continue to shower you with kisses, from your nose, forehead, cheeks, corners of the mouth, jawline, then back to your soft lips. As I deepen the kiss, you begin to take my coat off and pull me onto the bed. When I pull away and look down at you, I notice you’re a bit flushed, it’s cute; I unbutton my shirt before fully climbing onto the bed above you. Taking the opportunity, you run your hands on my chest and abdomen, your touch makes my body burn more. Burying my face in your neck I groan as you continue to run your hands on my body, it doesn’t escape me that you are telling me to bite you. As if to urge me, you begin to undo your blouse and leave yourself completely open. I can’t wait anymore so finally, I lightly sink my fangs at the base of your neck towards the back on the right side, and you moan in delight, a shiver runs through your body. Before I can pull my fangs out, you tighten your grip on my back and ask me to make the bite deeper. As I do, I can feel your nails dig deeper into my back. I make sure to lick any trickling blood, and well… the rest is up to imagination I suppose, but that's how it happens in my fantasy. I don’t believe anyone has asked me to describe a fantasy before; it seems rather long and somewhat silly now that I look back at it. Well, now I’m a bit curious, have you created a fantasy about how I bite you for the first time?

I’m not sure how to feel about you guessing my exact reaction, it’s impressive. It’s clear you’re having fun trying to get a rise out of me with all your teasing. Since I rather enjoy your game, I highly doubt I’ll regret anything. Make me ache for you more than I already do, I want every fiber of my being to burn with desire for you. The more I love you the sweeter you’ll taste, and I assume as your love for me grows, the pleasure from my bites will increase. So go ahead, keep probing, let me see what you can do.

(Thank you for letting me know!! I’ll do my best to deliver good quality 😊 You’re the first person to tell me you’re comfortable with role playing this topic, so I’m sorry if I’m sort of testing waters here. Since I’d like to do my best in fulfilling your request, I would like to know what are some things you’d like to include in the role play with this character. It helps me prepare my writing and if anything pushes past my comfort zone, I can let you know in advance.)

[buggie-hagen]

Sermon for Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost (9/10/23)

Primary Text | Matthew 18:15-20

----------------------------------------------------

Dear People of God,

          I don’t think we realize how radical it is when Jesus says something like, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” (Matt. 18:20). You’ve heard it said, “We were packed like sardines.” That obviously comes from when they cram the salty little fishes into a tin can. There’s no space to move around in there! Think of a time when you were packed like sardines. Maybe at an Adele concert. Or on the bus. Or on a plane. Especially on a plane, you can be stuck in one position for hours with the person next to you right up against you. Maybe the person on the flight next to you has a strange accent. Or is carrying a crying baby. Or is talkative when you’re trying to get some sleep. Either way, you’re in this together until the flight lands. Whatever personal space you normally have, whatever boundaries you would set up between yourself and a stranger don’t matter when you’re on a flight. There’s no space to yourself! This is the image I want in your mind when Jesus says Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them. The God we know in Jesus Christ does not give us space. He is packed right up there in the plane with us. His church is like a plane. We’re in this life together with one another and especially with him, our Lord who comes to us in the body of another. He refuses to let us be alone. Any space between us and our Lord is our own fiction. A spiritual reality, yes. But it is also a physical reality. For the God we know in Jesus Christ is a “down-to-earth” God. Jesus is not locked away in heaven. We can grasp him. That means that he interacts with us, gives us all his blessings, and is among us in a physical way, with his body. Without his bodily presence among us there is no blessing from God.

When we hear that God is so near to us, even in his body, the old creature within us bristles. If we are to have a God we want him far away. If we can hold God at least an arm’s length, then we think we have freedom. This comes when we define freedom as our own agency. But God is not the type of God who leaves things in our hands. Especially when it comes to matters of faith and salvation. In those matters there is no room for personal choice. In the single person of Jesus Christ there is no division between the divine, God-nature of Jesus and the bodily, human nature of Jesus. Ever since he was conceived in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary he has been both God and a human being all at once. The creator of the universe held in his mother’s arms. In this manner he without exception comes to us not just in a spiritual way but also in a tangible, bodily way.

This talk of Jesus’ presence in his body among us comes in the context of Jesus’ teaching on church conflict. He begins by saying, “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If your sibling listens to you, you have regained that one” (Matt. 18:15). There’s a few take aways here. One is, that in fact people in the church will sin. When that happens, be prepared for it. It is no surprise. Some think the church is only for perfect people. It’s not. That’s the farthest thing from the truth. The only perfect human being to ever live was the Lord Jesus Christ himself. We’re only here because we’re not perfect. We’re broken. We need someone to put us back together. From birth and until we die, we will always be saddled with our sin and in need of a Savior. So do not be surprised or dismayed when someone in the church, who claims the name of Christian, sins against you. It will happen. When it does happen the Lord has given us a procedure to deal with the sin. So if you have an issue with your Christian sibling, the first step is to go directly to them, in private, and make the fault known. We don’t go to social media and publicize it to the world. We don’t gossip behind the person’s back and rub their name in the mud. When we gossip, even if what we say is true, we are like a dog eating its own feces. Avoid it. There might be a thrill to talking behind a person’s back, but no one is improved. Again, when your sibling in Christ sins against you and it something that cannot be looked over, do not pass go, go directly to the person. And if they listen, you have regained that one.

Remember, whether we like it or not, we are on United Airlines together and we want the plane to land with all of us on it. Jesus goes on. He says, “But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses” (Matt. 18:16). This is good because when there is conflict in the church Jesus does not want us to sweep the matter under the rug. All too often we in the church of Christ are conflict averse. We want things to remain as they are without any shake up. But just because something seems normal doesn’t mean it is healthy. When conflict comes our first impulse should not be to air out our dirty laundry in front of others. In this second step, when we have been sinned against, we are asked to bring two or three others with us to address the issue at hand. This way there are witnesses for what is wrong. There is also added pressure for the offender to change their ways. The hope is to be reconciled. But often, spride comes before the fall. It may very well be that the person will pack up their toys and stomp away. It happens. Not everyone will be happy when they are called out. But if such a one insists on remaining in the plane with us, then it may well come time to bring the witness of the whole church to shine a light on the matter. And in this third step, if they listen to the church well and good. If they refuse to listen to the church, they have chosen to jump out of the plane in mid-air. To their own doom. This is a last resort. The goal is to maintain the relationship and restore such a one, as far as God has permitted, to the body of Christ. If possible, we want to be sardines together here.

Jesus says of all this, “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (Matt. 18:18). This is what we call the office of the keys. The power to forgive sins. Jesus gives this power not just to the bishop in Rome but to all his little Christians scattered throughout the world. Which means he has entrusted the power to forgive sins to you and to me. The Apology of the Augsburg Confession says, “The power of forgiveness removes eternal death and brings eternal life” (Ap. 12:138). So there are two keys. The binding key and the loosing key. Whatever we do with these keys has eternal consequences. When we use the binding key that means the sin is not forgiven and death remains with that person. When we use the loosing key that means the sin is forgiven and life is begun anew. Whenever we use these keys we are not above and better than others. We are simply doing what Christ has commanded us to do. The ultimate goal is to come to a place of forgiveness. So let us be quick to forgive and slow to retain the sin. One esteemed theologian once said, “If you are not sure whether it’s time to use the binding key, then don’t. Wait. See.”  The Lord’s Prayer tips us off—forgive us our sins as we have been forgiven. Our own forgiveness from God comes to us by sheer grace. So we gladly forgive and do good to those who have sinned against us, dear people. A power of the Holy Spirit, in fact.

Whenever two or three are gathered in my name, Jesus says, I am there among them. You and I are gathered in his name today. He is here now. Poke yourself. Poke your neighbor if they will allow it. He is here in the flesh. He leaves you no space for yourself. Jesus is, after all, the word-made-flesh. For the God in Jesus Christ is not far off in heaven above, but in the seat right next to you on the plane. He is there in the only way we can comprehend him as he truly is—in his word-made-flesh. So, he is in your sister or brother or sibling in Christ and in the word they speak to you—so let there be no idle words in your mouth. He is there for you in his body and in his blood—which means he is there for you in a truly human way. He gathers his church from the ends of the earth around his word and his sacraments. Why? Because this is the down-to-earth God that leaves you no space for yourself—but is sardined among you. Packed tightly. In his word and in his sacraments God comes to you as a person—a flesh and blood human being. And yes we bristle at the idea that God only makes himself known in the body and blood of Christ—especially as we eat and drink him in the Lord’s Supper. Though he is present in the same earthly, fleshly way in the oral word and in baptism. We insist on this matter because if it were not so there would be no blessing for you and for me. But because God has ordained it to be this way, to make himself known in the person of Jesus Christ, and that he is also packed together like sardines with you on this blue planet, on the airplane of the church, in this very room…you have all his blessings. Eternal life, forgiveness of sins, salvation, hope, and joy. There is no other God worth our time.