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gaypeople4itzy · 3 years ago

Text

Enlighten the unknown through the night

[Olivia Hye - Loona]

late night confession scenario (fluff)

-slight angst tendencies (one sided love)

Requested ? : Yes !

Word count : 3,8k

Warnings :

slight hints to insecurities, lack of self confidence and mentions of stress

Reminder that this is just a work of fiction, I do not know the idol personally, this is my perception of how I think they would react in that sort of situation

Summary : A shared friendship with Hyejoo, an unsatisfied one where you both want more yet are unsure about how to proceed. The unknown awaiting for you surely can be intimidating, how will one of you get over it and change things ?

Enjoy :)

All credits for the writing goes to me !

You and Hyejoo's relationship was nothing out of ordinary, just simple friends reunited by that same passionate way to dance. You both had always assumed the other would always see you as a member of the same group, nothing more than that. That's how things had been going for a while, of course you were somewhat close to each other because of the context, living with someone without interacting with them would be nearly impossible, however your relationship was pretty much limited to those few conversations and rare late-night talks when the others were asleep

It's not that you hated each other or didn't get along well, it was quite the contrary actually, your own members often mistaken you for a couple by the way you looked at each other sometimes without realizing, as if you subconsciously felt attracted to the other’s presence.

You would get lost in her eyes, not even on purpose but naturally your attention was drawn at her. Often lost in thoughts but thoughts you found hard to describe. Pretty warm thoughts, stubborn thoughts refusing to get out of your head, thoughts that would follow you at night, thoughts you found yourself dreaming about, probably more often than they should, they were constantly on your mind

She was constantly on your mind

Her, known world wild as Olivia Hye, familiarly known as Hyejoo and to you she was..,

You didn't even know actually

She was pretty reserved, mostly staying around Chaewon and other members of yyxy. Even if you were part of the same unit as her, you always felt like she had little to no interest in a deeper friendship between the two of you which led to a lot of inner questioning about how she felt about you. Did you ever cross her mind? What kind of thoughts would follow afterwards inside of her head then? Were you a nuisance to her? After all you were a younger member and so the older members tend to give you more attention, as if you needed to be protected. Well, all of them except Hyejoo of course, she didn't seem to dislike you but then again, you weren’t sure of that at all. You both felt like strangers yet close at the same time, simple members but your chemistry went it came to dance was indescribable

Then what made the other members seeing you like that, like both of you were in a relationship. Was it because of the glances she would take at you during practice? You couldn't count all the times it happened but to you it had always appeared almost as a threat in case you would make mistakes. Hyejoo was extremely talented, it's not that you weren't, most people complimented your skills more than once actually, however that didn't stop you from thinking you weren't good enough as a member from time to time

Still, that alone wouldn't be enough to justify all the teasing you lived through daily. You wondered if it wasn't because of that one time, a long while ago, back then you were even shyer but had accepted to play that stupid game of truth or dare. It was known this game could easily have bad tendencies if you weren’t protecting yourself beforehand, and so you had promised yourself to not do anything that would result in you getting hurt.

Thing is, that day, events took a different from what you were expecting, something you had never imagined happening

That something was the beginning of a strange period, where you could feel your cheeks heat up randomly when she was passing by, sometimes finding yourself unable to sleep because you knew she was around, countless time spent scolding yourself for not being careful enough and most importantly, your feelings were becoming clearer as time went by, those events had only pushed yourself further in a helpless love story

Originally, you had accepted to play just to make your friends happy, after all, what could be so bad about a few rounds of a little game. Maybe it could get a bit embarrassing, but nothing here would really matter right? And after all, it wasn’t real, it was just a game, nothing more

A real game, but with real effects which you had sort of forgotten the possibility of

So, when Jinsoul dared Olivia Hye to kiss you, you firstly thought nothing of it, she was a friend and that could��ve been the end of the story, just a kiss and no one would bother talking about it again, an unmeaningful detail in one’s life

However, things didn’t go as planed

Maybe it was just you who wasn’t experienced enough and mistook her behavior for unsaid feeling but for a short while, as she came closer to you, put her hands on your cheeks and pressed her lips against yours, you could not only feel your heart melt, but an overwhelming sensation took over you. You felt as if you had accomplished what was needed to be done, it felt so right

You had actual hope

And when she pulled away, sitting down in front of you just like previously, the game continued like it was supposed to, but your mind didn’t follow. You were shocked, you had barely moved, still trying to process what had just happened. The night went on and you pretended to be having fun with the others when in reality, you only had one thing in mind,,

Her

Sadly, time went by, and you remained with no answers

Since that day, you felt even more scared to talk to Hyejoo, she wasn’t mean nor that intimidating usually, but approaching her felt like an already failed mission. You often wondered how would things have gone if you had been courageous enough to ask her out, simply, you felt yourself giving up

If only you knew

Everyone knew, from the members to some close managers and even other employees from the company because of how obvious it was

Hyejoo cared about you

She didn’t tend to show much affection to people, no matter how close they could possibly be to her, no one seemed to know how to break the barrier she set around herself, no one knew yet you managed to do it without even realizing. She was surprised at first too, how did she let her guard down? Hye didn’t like talking about such cheesy things, but since you seemed like you weren’t going to leave her mind anytime soon, she saw herself asking for her members’ help. She couldn’t help but to feel embarrassed, and yet she couldn’t get enough of that new sensation, you made her feel warm, the simple sight of you made her melt, her heart unbelievably beating fast when you passed by, little things that could seem meaningless alone, however when you put them all together, it was becoming obvious

Adding to that those sudden urges to pull you closer to her when you were both alone, or when she found herself being even quieter than usual around you, which you mistook as something negative when in reality, she just loved hearing you ramble, she could get lost in your eyes and the world seemed to disappear, leaving the both of you together, eyes locked with each other and yet not a word was able to come out of her mouth. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, wanting to keep that independent and confident image, she was scared for things to go wrong

And so, she was forced to tell someone, hiding her love becoming heavier as each day passed, the members weren’t so surprised, as much as she did well at playing the detached role in front of you, they surprised the glances she took at you as well as her hand sneaking up around you without even realizing, as if it was pure instinct. The eleven girls were happy to see their member willing to open up more to them, they kept encouraging her to get closer to you, but with that came a lot of teasing which you were pretty much oblivious to, thinking it was just a stupid joke to get on Hye’s nerves. When it was truly deeper than that, she was in total adoration when it came to you

Everyone knew, except yourself

Hyejoo had fallen for you

And little did everyone else know, you had fallen for her as well

So, what could possibly be stopping the both of you?

The unknown

After all, it was hard for you to tell how she felt towards you, and you couldn’t even think about the possibility of her being stuck in the same position as you. Opposites by personality yet similar in behavior, you were both unsure what to do next, what if things would be ruined from now? Not knowing what’s ahead of you is an indescribable feeling, exciting yet frighting, and still without knowing, you shared a bound that even yourselves couldn’t explain

You were both scared of the unknown, of changing things, it’s not easy to change your little habits, life is so much easier when hiding from your worries instead of facing what’s bothering you. Love was so new to both of you, with that came so much more questions and trouble, were you actually ready for that? Moving forward blindly, having no idea to what will come next, completely clueless

However, Hyejoo started to feel impatient, she wasn’t used to the sensation of losing, she was a fighter, and a winner, she had to win over you somehow, no matter how big the challenge in front of her would be, she would put the effort required to successfully achieve what she needed to. Was it really different this time? It couldn’t be that complicated right?

Still, she did feel nervous, and once again she had to turn towards her members who suggested to start with small steps, just showing herself as kind and caring towards you would be perfect, enough to show a side of hers that didn’t come off as cold or mean. The last thing she wanted was for you to feel hated by her, promising herself to put as much efforts as it would take to win over you

Loona’s next comeback was near, all of you had been practicing like crazy, no matter how sweaty you would end up being, everything had to go as planned and as the youngest, you were terribly frightened by the idea of making a mistake and ruining a stage. And so, you practiced even harder than usually, so much that stress was becoming unbearable

Today was another day like the others, or so you thought. You and the girls had been practicing since early morning and after long hours, waiting for that specific moment, you were finally allowed to come back to the dorm. Yet you felt like you were slacking off too much, you were incredibly stressed, and you had no idea how to deal with it today. While you were busy picking up your thoughts, not paying attention to your surroundings, she was observing you, sensing something was off

She came right behind you, pulling you in a hug as a cozy feeling embraced your body. A little surprised, you felt your cheeks burn up a little, for some reasons, the one and only, Hyejoo, had become much clingier in the past few days, especially towards you. It went from gently holding your hand from time to time to hugging you whenever she had the chance. She wouldn’t say much though, not very expressive yet her gestures meant the world to you. However, you didn’t want to get your hopes up just to feel disappointed again and so you just brushed it off, blaming it on the potential stress she could be going through because of the near comeback. You didn’t want to think about her being potentially interested in you, not wanting to live through a heartbreak especially as such an important time in your career. Though today you felt so tired that you just gave in, letting her sweet yet very discreet scent bring you to heaven, your worries flying away, replaced by a little smile drawn on your face and the desire to stay like this forever

With still her arms wrapped around your body, she picked up your stuff while she already had hers and dragged you towards the dorm. Once outside, she let go of you just to hold your hand, a barely visible blush on her cheeks as you admired her face, quietly enjoying your walk with her as if it was your last. It felt great to not be completely stressing over the comeback for once, this moment was perfect, just the two of you walking in silence with a ton of thoughts in head but no words to express them, the warmth of the sun fondling your face and that cute grin of yours drawn on it. Your heart was surprisingly not beating so fast, you did still feel nervous around her of course, it was natural, especially your hands were touching, a sensation you had been craving from the start, yet you felt comfortable around her. The contact of her hand with yours made you feel reassured, it was her way of cheering you up, without a word coming from her mouth, her eyes seemed to say, “it’ll be fine”. Hyejoo wanted to make you feel safe and little did she know, it was working,

You didn’t even realize time passing, too busy losing yourself in her eyes and when you came at the front door of the dorm, you felt a little bit of disappointment, not wanting to let go of her. You both walked inside and to your surprise, she still held your hand, dragging you to your shared dorm with the other yyxy members that were nowhere to be found, probably off somewhere eating all together or shopping as they loved to do. Not that you didn’t love them, but you were grateful for feeling tired this time, without that, Hyejoo probably wouldn’t have brought you with her and that moment you shared just a few minutes ago that seemed to come right from your dreams would never have happened

As you entered the room, she let go of your hand to put your stuff in a corner of the room as you climbed up on your bed, feeling the accumulated fatigue in your body taking over. Yet you hadn’t said a word, so right before driving off to sleep, you wanted to thank her properly for accompanying you

-Hyejoo unnie? You said her name, barely audible from how exhausted you were

- Hm? You good? she turned around as she was about to leave

- Thank you for today, and yeah, I’m okay, I think I’ll just sleep

And with that she nodded, slightly smiling at you before heading outside of the room, while you laid down, burying yourself under the covers, wanting to recreate the warmth you felt when she was there with no success. Glimpses of what happened today kept replaying in your mind until you doze off, now sleeping soundly

Time went by and you found yourself being pulled out of your nap by a hand resting on your back and a quiet voice calling your name

-Y/n-ah?

You then recognized whose voice it was, it was her, once again

You slowly opened your eyes, expecting the room to be filled with light but strangely you were surrounded by darkness, barely able to see her face. As your eyes adjusted themselves, you realized you must’ve been sleeping for a while since you could hear the others downstairs meaning they were finally back

-mmh unnie what time is it? what’s up? You asked before yawning

-it’s around 9:30pm, we wanted to let you sleep. She said, chuckling at your cute expression

-ah.. and is there something you want? You questioned, still confused from being suddenly woken up

She cleared her throat, as if there was something wrong

-I wanted to know if you were down to come practice with me

At first you felt a bit worried, had you done a mistake? After all it’s true that you were particularly slow today due to the lack of sleep. You obviously couldn’t decline, no matter your state, you wanted her to see you at your best, so you accepted, and with that she pulled you out of bed, dragging you downstairs after picking up 2 bottles of water for you to share

As you walked downstairs, she had an arm around your waist and you couldn’t help but think about how touchy she had become in the past few days, the mere possibility that your feelings weren’t only one-way made you slightly shiver. She, however, seemed perfectly calm as on the inside was ecstatic since you had accepted to accompany her

While you were about to leave, you heard your members whisper as they looked at the both of you in awe, you could barely hear what they were saying but since some were a little bit more excited, they accidentally raised their voice and you could distinguish between the inaudible words; “Y/n”, “couple”, “Hyejoo”, “whipped”. The sudden realization that they were teasing you once again made your face flushed and you rushed outside, saving yourself from embarrassment

Hyejoo chose to ignore them and express her annoyance by a loud sigh before joining you and dragging you in the studio’s direction. Once more you were both silent, not knowing what to tell each other yet it wasn’t awkward, it was far from it, it felt a bit nervous and clumsy from the unknown that awaited in front of you, not knowing who should make a move first, but it was warm, just like a home

Once you were back to the practice room, she put on the music after insisting on watching you dance which made you sweat a little. You were determined to make her impressed despite being completely exhausted from all the previous practices. As the music started, you felt yourself becoming a little confident and you nailed the dance while avoiding looking at the side from where she was admiring you

As soon as you were finished, she went towards you, impressed by your skills

-Not bad kid, she said, making your heart explode with joy from being the first time she genuinely complimented you

And you don’t know why but you suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline, probably due to the excitement you felt by her presence, and you happily jumped in her arms. You then immediately regretted but it was too late already, and to your astonishment, as surprised as she was, she didn’t want to miss her chance. She hugged you tighter, your head pressed against her chest. You had never been that close to her; you could feel your whole face flushing a bit

You had finally done it, you had stepped in the complete unknown of her persona, it could’ve gone wrong, but you still did it and everything was fine, maybe there was no reasons to worry after all

-Y/n-ah, can I be honest with you? She spoke after a few minutes of silence

-Yes of course! Is there something wrong? You asked, feeling a bit tensed

-No, actually, I… really like those moments between us… I wish you would be my girlfriend; she mumbled the last part, yet you managed to hear

You felt your heart pounding loudly in your chest as you looked up to her, a spark in your eyes

-w-wait really? You mentally cursed yourself for stuttering, you felt so nervous

-I mean... yeah, she answered, unsure of what would happen next

Yes, she had technically already stepped out of her comfort zone and had been walking towards an unknown future but this time she had done the bigger step, she had finally admitted her feelings,

-well then, I will! you bluntly said

-w-wait what? it was her turn to be shocked

-I like you Hyejoo, I’ve loved you for so long

You both stared at each other before she asked

-can I kiss you then…?

To which you nodded, and she didn’t hesitate to initiate the kiss, one of her hands resting on your cheek as she pulled your face closer to hers, connecting your lips. To the contact of her mouth on yours, you felt as if a ton of butterflies were in your stomach, it was like a dream come true, what you had wished for during months was finally happening

She finally pulled away, leaving you breathless as she leaned it to press her lips against yours again, she just couldn’t get enough, and you were more than happy to fulfill what the girl you had loved for so long desired

It’s during that night that everything became clear, the fears and worried concerning her and a potential loss of your friendship were now gone. There was no more unknown, completely enlighten by anything but negative stuff. You stayed like that for a while before confessing how you had been feeling and everything you had been through for a while before that day. Finally, you understood Hyejoo’s behavior, she was simply too shy to ask you out but since today you had made a move towards her, she couldn’t help but completely melt and accidentally confess to you, even admitting that this practice was just an excuse. All those nights spent unable to sleep and those overwhelming worries were now in the past, they had all happened for a reason, making you prepared enough to form a couple with her

You both finally returned to the dorm as all the others stared at you two in awe, cheering when Hyejoo kissed your cheek just to get you to react in front of them. While they asked a bunch of questions, you both sat down, your head resting on her shoulder. She started answering them, not wanting to give many details, after all she was still a bit shy about it, not very open on the subject for now. She was glad that after all that time, she could claim you as hers. The 11 other girls congratulated the both of you after a lot of teasing which was expected from them, they were proud to see you grow up happier, promising themselves to protect your newborn relationship at all costs

And you slowly doze off again while Hyejoo held you close, planting soft kisses on the crown of your head. Though for the first time in who knows who long, you felt satisfied, accomplished even,

it was your turn to have a happy ending now

The end <3

#loona #loona olivia hye #loona fluff #loona imagines #loona x reader #loona scenarios #loona reactions #olivia hye x reader

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cordonian-literature · 4 years ago

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wip wednesday :)

hi y’all so i wasn’t tagged (whoops broke the rules) and it’s still kinda early in the day but i wanted to make this post because i’ve been working on a few other fics and wanted to share :)

i’ve been finishing up Aftermath - the reason it’s taking me so long to post chapters is because i initially had a very sad ending planned. i weeped when i was rereading it because i’ve gotten emotionally attached to the characters (what a surprise) and am now rewriting a happier ending. i think there’s like... 3 chapters left (don’t quote me on that, i’m a mess and it could change, but its unlikely).

there’s also two other fic ideas that i had. the first one kinda throws canon out the window - but there are still some elements, like Bertrand and Savannah’s relationship (though it’s extremely altered), the assassination with Olivia’s parents, Godfrey & Barthelemy’s treason... it’s just changed, like Queen Eleanor’s story is different, Leo doesn’t abdicate, Liam and Drake never really became best friends, and MC (Klara/Claire Brooks) leads a double life, keeping both men (and families) away from each other

the second one throws TRH 3 in the trash (even though it already is kinda trash, haha). this would take place during the last chapter of TRH 2 and throw the whole vote stuff out the window - because the farther we go with that, the less it makes sense. basically, Auvernal kidnaps the heir, Barthelemy is involved in it, and Liam and MC (i’m keeping her as Riley Brooks for this one) along with the gang do everything they can to get her back (obviously why wouldn’t they). i thought it would be interesting putting a part of it in the heir’s point of view, since those were kinda funny in some of the recent chapters. nothing too dark or serious (i mean yeah the heir getting kidnapped is serious, but you know what i mean. besides that, there are no major trigger warnings)

both these fics will most likely flop, but i had fun with these ideas and wanted to share

so here we go

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The Aftermath - Chapter 32

When Bastien enters, his eyes widen as they rest on Boris. He gives Olivia a look.

“Drake,” she tells him, hoping that would be enough of an answer. Bastien frowns. Olivia didn’t know why Drake had done this either. The fool hadn’t given her any information as to what this man had done. Where was she even supposed to start?

Now she was really wishing she had called Jacob to give her a background check.

“So,” she begins, pacing in front of Boris. Bastien was at full attention, closely watching both of them. “What happened between you and Drake?”

Boris spits blood to the opposite side of the room. It drips down the wall. “Call the bastard in here. Tell him to explain.” His accent is thick and his voice is tried.

I probably should, she thinks to herself.

Bastien gives Olivia another look. She nods at him.

“Let us shift the conversation,” Bastien begins. “Can I ask how long you’ve known Lady Riley or her late husband?”

“How is that important?” Boris questions.

“Just curious.” Bastien’s voice remains level.

Boris sighs, then leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “Potter. I met him in college. He introduced me to Riley-”

“I’m sorry,” Bastien interrupts him. “Who is ‘Potter’?”

“The lovely Theodore Blaise.” Boris lets out a rueful chuckle. “You have not seen him in person? The idiot looks like Harry Potter. Stupid glasses, stupid hair.”

“Alright,” Bastien stops him again. “Continue. When did he introduce you to Riley?”

“New York. That one year. I was visiting before I had to go to... Switzerland? Sweden? One of the two. It was lifetime ago. Can’t remember everything.” He pauses to look around the room. “She was... with your King. We saw her in the park. Theo wanted to see her. We waited for the king to leave her before he went up to her hotel.”

Olivia knew that he was talking about the last night Riley had been with the court. But Boris was drawing out the conversation. She didn’t like how slow Bastien was approaching this. Olivia wanted to draw a knife — she had a new one she was itching to use — and force the answers out of him.

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Until the End - Prologue

A/N: also i made a thing for this series. it’s not a moodboard. idk what its called. like a banner or whatever? i felt creative and made it. i’ll probably end up making a moodboard too. there are three parts of the series, each part has seven/eight chapters. anyway this looks kinda wack i might not even use it

As we near the stairs, Olivia Nevrakis chases after Maxwell Beaumont, who tumbles down the steps.

“Why are you running?!” Olivia cries after the boy, a long object in her hand.

“Because you have a stick!” he cries after almost tripping over his short, chubby legs.

“What am I gonna do, hit you with it?”

“YES?!” Maxwell screams, a confused and fearful tone in his voice.

As the two reach the bottom of the stairs, Liam emerges from another corridor, laughing after his friends. His hair is a whorl on his head, and his cheeks are flushed pink.

“Hello, Mother!” he says. My son hugs my waist, then reaches to hug his father, but Constantine has already walked on.

I take the boy’s hand and we follow after the King. Near the entrance of the palace stands a man in guard’s uniform, a woman in a denim dress, and two small children.

“Eleanor, Liam,” Constantine begins. “I would like for you two to be introduced to a new member of our security team. Jackson Walker, his wife Bianca, and their children, Drake and Savannah.”

“A pleasure, Your Majesties,” Jackson says as he and his wife bow respectfully. The little girl blinks up at me while Drake looks between Liam and I.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Liam!” My son holds out his hand to Drake.

Constantine audibly coughs. Liam’s hand falls to his side, and his smile falls as well. I knew that the differences in status would not allow Liam to interact with the boy so improperly, but they are just children. I didn’t think there was a reason for such excessive formality.

Bianca slightly nudges her son. In a monotone voice, Drake greets, “Nice to meet you, Prince Liam.”

Liam’s expression lifts. I send a smile in Bianca’s direction, and she hesitantly returns it. Jackson holds eye contact with me a moment longer, a wide grin stretching his face.

Constantine grabs our attention again. “Jackson, you will be primarily working on my wife’s security team. Now if you’ll excuse us, we are expected at dinner. My head of security, Bastien, will lead you through the rest of your orientation. After dinner, you’ll be able to speak to my wife and receive any orders she has for you.”

“Yes, Sire,” Jackson bows his head again, and Constantine leads us away.

Godfrey and his family, along with the Beaumonts, Olivia, and Leo are already seated. They all stand quickly as Constantine comes into the room, giving polite bows.

The moment we sit, there’s a flurry of activity as the servants set our plates in front of us. Adelaide sips on her wine absently. Annabelle fusses over Maxwell, who has cookie crumbs on his fingers and face. Madeleine attempts to get Leo’s attention, but he laughs with Bertrand, the boys giving each other impish smiles. Olivia converses with Liam, taking on a gentle demeanor compared to how she behaved with Maxwell.

“Hostilities between Monterisso and Auvernal are increasing by the day,” I hear Godfrey mention to Constantine.

“The whole of Europe expects them to break out in war,” Barthelemy adds.

“Monterissian and Auvernese citizens anticipate some sort of peace treaty,” Godfrey continues. The men speak as if they are one unit, with one mind. “But other nations have already begun taking sides.”

“The King of Hidar is siding with Monterisso.” Barthelemy motions for a servant to bring him more wine. “But there are rumors that he is only doing so after receiving threats.”

“Most nations are waiting for Cordonia and Monaco for their decisions for who to ally with.”

When Barthelemy and Godfrey finish filling Constantine’s ears, they return to the food on their plates, staring down as if nothing else in the world concerned them. Constantine chews slowly, visibly considering their words.

“Monterisso has always kept a neutral face when it comes to Cordonian issues,” the King mentions. “They have never asked or hinted towards alliance. They are not many nations who ally with them at all.”

“So you must admit,” Barthelemy finishes chewing, “that allying with them instead of Auvernal makes a bad impression—”

“—and reduces the chance of alliances with other nations,” Godfrey finishes with him.

“How so?” I speak up. The three men turn their heads to look at me. No one else at the table pays attention to the conversation, but as their eyes burn in my direction — aggressive looks from the Dukes, while my husband raises an eyebrow at me — I want to take back my words.

But I do no such thing. After more than seven years of marriage, I had become accustomed to Godfrey and Barthelmey shutting down the advice I gave to my husband. This instance is no different.

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The Lion and the Heir - short series - Prologue

A/N: just as a heads up, i laughed while writing this. like i wrote this just for a good laugh and wanted to share. my friend sent me a writing prompt about a kid’s wild imagination and she thought it was funny and sent it to me (i sent her this same passage and we both laughed our heads off reading parts of it) so what i’m trying to say is that thinking this is terrible and cringe-worthy is understandable - i cringed at this myself and am very scared to post this lol, and might not even continue it. yes i made a moodboard thing. yes i laughed while making it. goodbye.

"Is everything well, Mommy?" I ask. Instead of answering me, again she attempts to silence me! I repeat my question, but this time the man tells me to silent myself.

Did they not know who they were speaking to? Perhaps I was interrupting something. Was there a lesson to be learned somewhere in this? I wish that Daddy were present at this meeting. Though most of his explanations were gibberish, he would at least attempt to make me understand.

The man walks towards me. He reaches his hands out to carry me, but I do not know this man! And he was quite stinky! I do not like him. I smack his hands away, and he takes a step back.

"With all due respect," I try to explain to him, "please introduce yourself before any forward actions. They are most unwelcoming. Your Princess does not appreciate this behavior."

He turns to my suspicious mother and says something in gibberish. I frown, for the language barrier does not mean that my subjects may disobey my wishes in such a manner!

Suspicious Mommy takes off the shield that was over her eyes. I find that it is NOT Mommy! Though they look similar, their differences are too contrasting. This woman's eyes were a tad sharper. She was too aware of me, and did not seem comfortable in my presence.

"Shhh sh shhh," she goes again, trying to pick me up, but I allow my short legs to fall from under me. My behind hits the mattress, and I feel my friend, General Lion, against my hand.

"Is everything well, Your Highness?" my trusty General says to me. "Is there anything I can do to be of service?"

"Dismiss this woman from my presence!" I command him.

"But... but that is Mommy!" he cries.

This woman was good in her disguise. She had fooled my trusted advisor!

"Believe me, General, it is not!" I tell him. "She has fooled us!"

"And she is trying to take you away?" he observes.

"Yes!" I am suddenly aware of what is happening. The woman begins to reach for me. "Quick!" I say, panic swelling in my chest. I had to do something about this, but all my heart is telling me to do is cry! I have to take more serious measures than that! "What am I to do?"

"Uh... uh..." General Lion looks around the crib, before he reaches out to me. "Take a hold of my paw!"

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putting my Aftermath taglist because that’s the only one i have :) - y’all can see what’s happening in the next chapter & these other fics. if you’re interested in any (besides Aftermath) let me know! if you don’t interact or anything, i’ll leave you on the Aftermath taglist and won’t remove or add you anywhere :)

(also, people probably know this but just a gentle reminder, the only reason i don’t reply to comments is because this is a sideblog. i see them all though, so don’t worry. i just don’t want to confuse people by replying from my main blog or anything :) anyway let me stop trailing off)

@captain-kingliamsqueen @gkittylove99 @lovablegranny @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @mom2000aggie @kingliam2019 @queenrileyrose @shanzay44 @cordonianroyalty @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @twinkle-320 @amandablink @texaskitten30 @pens-girl-87 @ladyangel70 @sanchita012 @cordonianprincess @cordonia-gothqueen @pink-diamond13 @queenwalton @yourmajesty09 @alj4890 @choicesbutterfly

^if anyone from this list wants to do the WIP Wednesday thing, feel free!!

#trr fanfic #wips

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kaesaaurelia · 4 years ago

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books and reading in 2021

Overall I’d like to read at least 65 books for 2021 and I’d like for most of those to be new-to-me and things I either already own or have listed as to-read on Goodreads.

So far I have read 11/65 books and 4 fanworks.

Themed reading challenge checklists and brief book reviews are under the cut. I may or may not finish any of these challenges; again, my goal is to cut down my to-be-read list and unread books I own, and themes and deadlines help me pick a book rather than hemming and hawing.

Book reviews answer the questions “Did I like it? Was it good? Would I recommend it?” (please note these are very different questions) and how many stars I rated it.

I may put fanfiction, webfiction, and other things that are very much not traditional books down on here as well, depending on how booklike I’ve decided they are.

The FFA reading challenge, 2021 (2/12 books)

JANUARY - The Pandemic Year - a medical thriller, or a book about medicine The Poisoner's Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York by Deborah Blum Did I like it? Yeah! Was it good? I think so. Sometimes the prose meandered in such a way that I felt the author was kind of saying dun dun dun! under her breath at me, and I was like “idk, is that significant?” but usually it was good. Would I recommend it? Do you have a strong stomach? Then sure. 4 stars

FEBRUARY - Macavity/Ratigan - a genre you wouldn't normally read Jane Doe by Victoria Helen Stone, book 1 in the Jane Doe series Did I like it? Yes! Very much! The power fantasy of being able to take vengeance against people who hurts your loved ones, without feeling bad about it, was really appealing to me, a person who feels guilt over a frankly ridiculous number of things. It was also genuinely funny. Was it good? I thought so. The narrator had a really strong voice that struck the right balance between creepy cold indifference and endearing little moments of self-discovery. Would I recommend it? Yes, but with the caveat that there’s some pretty serious emotional abuse of the protagonist’s false persona (which she encourages and privately gloats about), and she also gets close to committing serious violence, including fantasizing at length about it. 5 stars

MARCH – 100+ Comments of Terror - a book set in the arctic, or a book about an expedition In the Land of White Death: An Epic Story of Survival in the Siberian Arctic by Valerian Albanov (ordered)

APRIL - Sexy John Oliver Rat – a book about animals, or a book with a character called Oliver or Olivia A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear by Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling (hardcover)

MAY - A Feud in Wolf-Kink Erotica - a book involving wolves, the legal system, or ripped from the headlines Song of the Summer King by Jess Owen (ebook)

JUNE - Showerhead Wank - a comedy of manners, an etiquette manual, or a book where someone wanks or has sex

JULY – My Shithead Is What You Are! - a book with profanity in it, or a book about themes of censorship

AUGUST - Yep, Still Indoors - a book involving travel, or being stuck in one place

SEPTEMBER - Socktopus, Maybe? - a book where someone has a secret identity, or a book about aquatic animals

OCTOBER - Politics is Sequestered – a book involving politics or politicians Boss: Richard J. Daley of Chicago by Mike Royko (owned in DRM’d ebook)

NOVEMBER - It's Canon in Spanish - read a book originally written in Spanish, or set in Latin America

DECEMBER - Apple Is a One Syllable Word - a book about language/linguistics/etc., or a book with a two syllable title.

Around the Year in 52 Books (8/52 books)

A book related to “In the Beginning...”: (Using the subprompt a book set in the ancient world) The Odyssey by Homer, translated by Emily Wilson Did I like it? Yes; it was definitely a less comfortable read than prior translations I have read, but a more interesting one, I think. A lot of details leapt out at me that I had either forgotten or that had been overlooked in the 3ish literature classes I have read the Odyssey for. Was it good? Yes! Would I recommend it? Probably, with the caveat that if you are just in it for a cool mythology story you would probably prefer an adaptation rather than a translation. 5 stars

A book by an author whose name doesn't contain the letters A, T or Y The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis Did I like it? I really read this for the worldbuilding of Hell, so I liked that; to some extent I did also like some of the musings on how a lot of human foibles that people like to think of as virtues can actually be kind of shitty. On the other hand, Lewis and I disagree about a lot of things -- mostly that whole Christianity thing. So I liked it with caveats. Was it good? It was okay! Again, I was not really there for the Christianity stuff. I am never there for the Christianity stuff. I am either precisely the wrong audience for all of C.S. Lewis’ stuff, or, if you look at it a certain way, precisely the right audience, but even if you look at it that way, he is never going to convince me; I wrote furious postcanon fanfiction about the dwarfs when I reread the Narnia books as a teenager and realized they were meant to represent people like me. Would I recommend it? Probably not? Unless you frequently write demons or other evil creatures trying to figure out how humans work, which I guess I am. 4 stars but only because that reveal at the end is great

A book related to the lyrics for the song "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music (The cover depicts a rose with raindrops or dewdrops on it.) Ensnared by Rita Stradling Did I like it? In a sense. In a sense, I enjoyed this book. It was a Beauty and the Beast retelling, and I like Beauty and the Beast. There were robots, and I like robots. And it certainly gave me something fun to talk about. However, it also inspired me to try and figure out when and why I acquired this book, and while I still don’t know why I bought it, I was relieved to find that I only paid 99 cents for it. For a more thorough description of the plot, please see my Goodreads review. It was a weird book to start with, and then it really, really didn’t age well. Was it good? IT SURE WASN’T. Would I recommend it? No. However, if you decide to read it I’d love to hear what you think. Please. Please talk to me about this book. 2 stars

A book with a monochromatic cover The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson Did I like it? Yes, very much! Also it accidentally became fic research. I genuinely was just thinking “where do I slip Leonard into this narrative so he can try and fail to sabotage the Ferris Wheel?” and then I began to think about how much Leonard would admire and envy H. H. Holmes’ ladykilling ways. But in general it was a really good read and had a lot of... Chicagoness, which I of course am fond of. Was it good? I thought so! Obviously a lot of the narratives of Holmes’ murders were mostly the author’s speculation, but there were a lot of great research tidbits in there, and the picture the author paints of the World’s Fair was vivid and wonderful. Would I recommend it? Yes, with the warning that this is true crime and there is vivid narration of several murders, including the murders of several children. 5 stars

A book by an author on USA Today's list of 100 Black Novelists You Should Read Wild Seed by Octavia Butler, book 1 of the Patternmaster series Did I like it? Yes, but it was intense. It takes a lot of skill to keep me reading and invested through so many horrors; the protagonist’s children and loved ones die on-page multiple times, in horrible accidents or senselessly murdered, and it hurts every time, but I kept reading. Admittedly I am (predictably) extremely here for immortal enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies angst, so that was probably part of it. Was it good? Yes! I am kind of sad that I’m not just moving on to the next in the series (there are 3 more books), but also, god, I’m not sure I could handle it. Would I recommend it? Yes, definitely, with the caveat that it is very dark and very sad. 5 stars

A love story Deal with the Devil by Kit Rocha, book 1 of the Mercenary Librarians series Did I like it? It was good! I gather both of the authors who are Kit Rocha were (are still?) in fandom, and it shows in the right ways; it doesn’t shy away from depicting sex pretty explicitly but there’s a lot of emotion in it, and the main couple is a m/f couple without the book being unpleasantly heteronormative. Like, yeah, it’s about a big butch macho dude who’s broken inside and a woman who’s very caring, but the big butch macho dude is genuinely kind and not like, violent for the hell of it or overprotectively jealous, and the woman doesn’t drop everything to Heal His Pain. (Also I think most of the characters, including the romantic leads, are established to have had same-gender lovers at one point or another without that being considered unusual or wrong in the setting, so that’s nice.) It’s also a cheerful and optimistic post-apocalyptic book about two found families coming together to make the world a better place, despite the very grim backstories of pretty much everyone in the story, which is really nice. Was it good? It was okay. It was good popcorny reading; it’s not winning any literature prizes, but it sets out to be fun and readable and exciting, and it is all of those things. Also, as noted above, the prose has a lot of the strengths of fanfic (not being afraid to mix genres, not being afraid of writing sex earnestly and emotionally but also explicitly, strong emotional focus) without the much-derided stereotypical weaknesses of fanfic. Would I recommend it? Probably? This isn’t a must-read; it’s happy to be idfic so if it sounds like it’d scratch your id I would recommend it, but it might not be Your Thing and that’s okay too. 4 stars

A book that fits a prompt suggestion that didn't make the final list (Using the subprompt a book related to a local industry or small business) The Gangs of Chicago: An Informal History of the Chicago Underworld by Herbert Asbury Did I like it? NO. NO I DID NOT. It made me genuinely angry. It was a useful read for fic research and unfortunately I’ve got it in my little fic-writing reference material corner in my office but I DID NOT LIKE THIS BOOK IT WAS VERY BAD. Many questionable or outright incorrect assertions and implications, and extremely racist and sexist. For details, see my review on Goodreads. Was it good? It was actively bad. Would I recommend it? Not unless you are interested in it historiographically, or on the off chance that you are trying to find some fiddly details about a particular bit of Chicago crime history, but also have no responsibility to make sure those fiddly details are correct when you use them in the project. 1 star

A book set in a state, province, or country you have never visited The Last Duel: A True Story of Crime, Scandal, and Trial by Combat in Medieval France by Eric Jager Did I like it? It was okay. It was definitely interesting but not amazingly life-changing. Was it good? It was fine! I did think the underlying rape case was handled surprisingly sensitively given that this was a male author writing about 20 years ago about a medieval rape accusation and trial, but there is a chapter that is basically just the victim’s account of her rape, and it’s very brutal. Would I recommend it? Do you want to understand more about trial by combat in the Middle Ages, and/or learn about how medieval people treated rape victims? You should definitely read this book. But if that doesn’t particularly interest you, probably not. 3 stars

A book you associate with a specific season or time of year Summers at Castle Auburn (ebook borrowed from CPL)

A book with a female villain or criminal Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America's Soul by Karen Abbott (owned in paperback)

A book to celebrate The Grand Egyptian Museum The Oasis by Pauline Gedge (ebook)

A book eligible for the Warwick Prize for Women in Translation The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa (on hold at CPL; est. 3 week wait)

A book written by an author of one of your best reads of 2020 The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow (on hold at CPL; est. 10 week wait???)

A book set in a made-up place Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (paperback)

A book that features siblings as the main characters Sisters One, Two, Three by Nancy Star (ebook)

A book with a building in the title

A book with a Muslim character or author

3 books related to "Past, Present, Future" - Book 1

3 books related to "Past, Present, Future" - Book 2

3 books related to "Past, Present, Future" - Book 3

A book whose title and author both contain the letter "u"

A book posted in one of the ATY Best Book of the Month threads

A cross genre novel

A book about racism or race relations

A book set on an island

A short book (<210 pages) by a new-to-you author

A book with a character who can be found in a deck of cards

A book connected to ice

A book that you consider comfort reading

A long book

A book by an author whose career spanned more than 21 years

A book whose cover shows more than 2 people

A collection of short stories, essays, or poetry

A book with a travel theme

A book set in a country on or below the Tropic of Cancer

A book with six or more words in the title

A book from the Are You Well Read in World Literature list

A book related to a word given by a random word generator

A book involving an immigrant

A book with flowers or greenery on the cover

A book by a new-to-you BIPOC author

A mystery or thriller

A book with elements of magic

A book whose title contains a negative

A book related to a codeword from the NATO Phonetic Alphabet

A winner or nominee from the 2020 Goodreads Choice Awards

A non-fiction book other than biography, autobiography or memoir

A book that might cause someone to react “You read what?!?” Missing 411: Eastern United States by David Paulides (terrible pdf copy I’m not paying $100 for a book about extradimensional bigfoot)

A book with an ensemble cast

A book published in 2021

A book whose title refers to person(s) without giving their name

A book related to "the end"

There’s No Business Like Snow Business February Reading Challenge (8/8)

Snow is precipitation in the form of small white ice crystals formed directly from the water vapor of the air at a temperature of less than 0°C (32°F).

Read a book that has snow on the cover or snow in the title. Killing Dragons: The Conquest of the Alps by Fergus Fleming Did I like it? It was okay. There was more about the personalities involved in early mountaineering than I did about actual mountain-climbing, which was fine, but didn’t get really exciting until those personalities got really dysfunctional. Was it good? Again, it was okay. The prose wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t gripping, and there was some odd (lack of) translation on occasion. The research seemed thorough and solid, though. Would I recommend it? Not really, unless you are specifically looking to research the Alps or early European mountain-climbing enthusiasts for a writing project or something, in which case, of course. 3 stars

Precipitation: Read a book that has any weather related term in the title. Trail of Lightning, book 1 of The Sixth World, by Rebecca Roanhorse Did I like it? Yes! This took me back to my first forays into urban fantasy as a preteen/young teen. I loved the Diana Tregarde books and also Harry Turtledove’s The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump, and whenever I want urban fantasy that’s kind of the pattern I’m looking for? An unfriendly world full of myths that are real and living and breathing and otherworldly but also they are probably trying to bum a cigarette off you. I haven’t reread my favorite childhood urban fantasy because I think it probably won’t hold up, and later urban fantasy has mostly been not quite what I wanted, but this book was like being that kid all over again. I’m not super familiar with Dine folklore/mythology so it was neat to learn a little bit about that, too, although obviously to learn those stories maybe don’t go to an urban fantasy novel. Was it good? It was pretty good! The prose wasn’t like, stylistically exciting, but it conveyed the plot well, and I did like the narrative voice, and the characterization was good, I thought. Would I recommend it? Absolutely. Content warning for violence (as per urban fantasy) and a child dies violently early on in the book, but if you were the kind of kid I was but you’re not really into paranormal romance or Harry Dresden, give it a try. 4 stars

Small: Read a book that has less than 200 pages. A Butt in the Mist: Stirred to the Core of My Bodice by the Duchess Triceratops of Helena by Chuck Tingle Did I like it? I mostly did, but it wasn’t super exciting. I liked the free book afterwards better. It was funny, but Chuck’s been funnier. Was it good? This 4,000 word book was written with all the quality and attention to detail that I have come to expect from beloved author Chuck Tingle. Would I recommend it? Not really? It was funny, but I think I like his more metafictional stuff better, and I think he gets a lot weirder with his m/m stuff; if I’m reading Chuck Tingle, I want it to be weird. 3 stars

Snow is formed of crystals and is a slang term for diamonds. Read a book in which a gem or other mineral can be found in the plot, title, or cover art. Ombria in Shadow by Patricia A. McKillip Did I like it? Mostly! I love the lush visuals of McKillip’s prose; they more than live up to the also gorgeous covers. Dreamy fairytale stuff but with solid emotions and a good sense of place. Was it good? I think so, although the dreamlike quality of the prose does mean you’re liable to miss something if your attention drifts. Would I recommend it? Yes, I think so. 5 stars

Snow is a dessert made of stiffly beaten whites of eggs, sugar, and fruit pulp. Read a book with a dessert on the cover, or read a book in which a dessert is made. Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder by Joanne Fluke, book 1 of the Hannah Swensen series Did I like it? I enjoyed parts of it, but I thought it really suffered at the beginning, when our introduction to the detective was “not like other girls, not interested in DATING and MEN” and our introduction to her older sister is “she was a DITZY CHEERLEADER and now she’s married with a kid but she’s a HORRIBLE CAREER HARPY who WORKS ALL DAY and puts her child in DAYCARE and CAN’T COOK” and that was all just very tiresome. The sister does turn out to have redeeming qualities and useful interests, but the way these two and their mother interact is all like, if you were asking yourself whether there’s such a thing as toxic femininity and what that would look like, it’s these women. Aside from that, it was fine; it was a cozy mystery novel about a bakery specializing in cookies. I will say, I did appreciate the Midwesternness of the small town Midwest setting. Was it good? Not really. I did kind of have to handwave a lot to let the detective get away with all the HIPAA violations and crime scene disturbing that she does, but it is a cozy mystery. Would I recommend it? Probably not; I’ve heard this series gets better so if you’re interested in the series and/or like the idea of cookie-themed cozies, maybe start with a different book, unless you’re a completist like I am. 3 stars

Snow is slang for cocaine. Read a book about drugs or drug addiction. The Man With the Golden Arm by Nelson Algren Did I like it? It was not a fun read, by any means, but Algren’s prose is fantastic and it was such a novelty to see such a familiar accent represented by eye dialect. (Which I know has fallen out of fashion and is considered the mark of a bad writer, but I really don’t mind it if it’s done well.) It’s one of those books where nobody has a fair shake and everybody is doomed, but it doesn’t feel gratuitous. All the characters are horrible to each other, but in fairness they are also horrible to themselves; it’s all they’ve ever known. Was it good? Yes. It was extremely good and I’m considering buying a physical copy so I can write things in the margins. This is actually really weird for me to do; in high school we occasionally had to turn our books in so our teacher could be sure we were writing in them Correctly, and I found it a little painful, but I did want to do it with this book. Would I recommend it? Yes, if you’re up for a really depressing story about heroin addiction and poverty. 5 stars

White is the color of snow. Read a book that contains white in the cover. The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin Did I like it? I definitely did. I haven’t read much Le Guin yet for some reason, and while this did initially start off feeling exactly like just another ‘70s SF story where in the future we’ve solved all of psychology and it’s super mechanistic, it was really fascinating and surprisingly, unpleasantly prescient. Was it good? I thought so! There were some parts of it that were pretty awkward about race, from a 2021 perspective, but it does actually deal with race in a way that made me think “yes, that’s exactly what would happen as a consequence of this plot, and it would be horrible, oh no, oh shit,” and it is horrible. Would I recommend it? I am not sure I would! I would recommend it in like five years, assuming those five years are not much like the last five years. Hoping and praying that those five years are not much like the last five, really. The premise of the book -- which I haven’t explained, I realize -- is that in this near-future environmental dystopia, the main character can change things in real life by dreaming about them, and he would like to not do that, only he is put under the care of a psychiatric researcher who tries to play God. So this poor man literally wakes up every day to a brand new dystopia and it felt... familiar. 4 stars

To snow someone is to deceive, persuade, or charm glibly. Read a book about a con artist, or read a book about deception. Empire of Deception: The Incredible Story of a Master Swindler Who Seduced a City and Captivated the Nation by Dean Jobb Did I like it? I did. I have joked that my own personal reading challenge this year is to fill up the Chicago shelf/tag on my Goodreads account, and this book was recommended to me in that spirit, and I always like hearing about a. Chicago; b. the 1920s; and c. con men conning people. Was it good? The prose was fine; it was fun but I think the thing I appreciated most was all the punny newspaper headlines. Would I recommend it? If you are someone who perks up at the sound of at least 2 out of 3 of the themes of “Chicago,” “1920s,” and “con men,” yes. 4 stars

2021 Q1 challenge: Changes (3/20)

Read a book that features:

The word "change" (Changes, Changing, or other variations) in its title. Weeds: How Vagabond Plants Gatecrashed Civilisation and Changed the Way We Think About Nature by Richard Mabey Did I like it? It was all right. I like hearing about plant history, and the chapter on plants unexpectedly surviving/thriving on battlefields and bombing sites was particularly interesting to me. Was it good? It was okay, but kind of poorly-organized; there were chapter themes but it felt awfully stream-of-consciousness sometimes. Would I recommend it? Maybe not unless you’re really into botany and Western anthropology. (As in, the study of Western cultures; this book does not do much with other cultures.) 3 stars

The theme of money or money on its cover (loose change). Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik Did I like it? I really, really liked it to the point that I feel kind of silly about it, gotta say. I’m really, really hit or miss on the author’s work (both fanfic and profic) but the themes of this were perfect for me; Russian fairytales, a cynical but earnest sort of Judaism, creepy fairy abductions, interesting worldbuilding, and women coming together to help each other. (Also some interesting enemies-to-lovers stuff that wasn’t really developed on the “lovers” side, which I would have dug. Like its precursor, this book has a lot of f/f friends-to-lovers subtext and hostile canon het.) Was it good? I don’t know? I liked it enough that I genuinely don’t know if it was well-written. Would I recommend it? I would, but I’m not sure you should trust me on this??? Again, this book really, really hit me in the id. 5 stars

An adaptation of its original format (book-to-manga, translation, etc.) Murder on the Rockport Limited! by Clint McElroy et al Did I like it? It was okay, but not nearly as good as the original podcast’s murder train arc. The art was good and all, but, eh. Was it good? It was fine. I’m not sure how into the DM/character conversations I am, and I found myself having to pause and reimagine the dialogue in the various McElroys’ voices, which wasn’t good because it meant I wasn’t automatically reading them in those voices in my head, which is a major litmus test I use when I’m deciding whether I want to keep reading a fanfic. Would I recommend it? Definitely not as a standalone thing. 3 stars

The author's initials found in the word "change" Helen of Sparta by Amalia Carosella (in progress)

Separate book sections or part of a series of three or more books (make change) The Seduction of the Crimson Rose by Lauren Willig (in progress)

An author or character writing under a pseudonym The Maker’s Mask by Ankaret Wells (in progress)

A topic or character about which you feel differently now than in the past. La Belle Sauvage by Phillip Pullman

Changing one's mind about a life decision. A Tapestry of Magics by Brian Daley

Switching careers/jobs. The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

Relocating to a different city, state/province, or country. Fire Season: Field Notes from a Wilderness Lookout by Philip Connors

Cultivating new daily habits. How to Be Fine by Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer

A character who shifts shapes or identities. The Lie: A Memoir of Two Marriages, Catfishing & Coming Out by William Dameron

Life changes due to age Two Old Women: An Alaskan Legend of Betrayal, Courage, and Survival by Velma Wallis

A medical transformation Specials by Westerfield, Scott

A life-changing experience. Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, & the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright

A changing household The Girl from the Other Side: Siúil, A Rún, Volume 1 by Nagabe

An action or phenomenon that transforms society or the world. Hard Times: An Oral History of the Great Depression by Studs Terkel

Replacing one thing with another (change out) In Vino Duplicitas: The Rise and Fall of a Wine Forger Extraordinaire by Peter Hellman & Charles Constant

Technological innovation Tubes: A Journey to the Center of the Internet by Andrew Blum

A game-changer. The Sleepwalkers: How Europe Went to War in 1914 by Christopher Clark

Fanfic Reading Challenge recs (1)

I have a private checklist with the fanfic reading challenge data, but will not be sharing all of the fics; fanfiction is generally an amateur endeavor, and many people do not enjoy receiving (or stumbling across) criticism of their work. Bad reviews are normal and accepted as part of commercial publishing, and professional authors (hopefully!) get paid for their work, so I’m comfortable criticizing published novels. I would prefer not to publicly criticize someone’s writing when they are just writing for the joy of it, especially since some of the tasks require me to read first-time authors’ fics, fics with relatively low kudos counts, fics for ships I don’t like, etc. So I’m only putting the recs here.

Romancing the Tome by Anti_kate Good Omens; Aziraphale/Crowley; ~40k words; rated Explicit Romance novelist Aziraphale Wilder is pulled from his carefully ordered life when his sister is kidnapped and held to ransom. With the help of antiquities forger Anthony J Crowley, he braves the wilds of Scotland to rescue her and keep a priceless book from falling into the hands of dangerous book thieves. Did I like it? Yes! It was cheesy and cute and basically what I want out of this kind of romcom AU fic. I’m not normally into human AUs and this one wasn’t like, super deep or anything, but it was very fun. Was it good? I thought so! The dialogue was great, I enjoyed the characterization, the sex was good. I do think the Crowley in this fic is pretty self-loathing in a way that I don’t see canon Crowley being at all, but I have a weakness for that and I also think self-loathing works for a human version of Crowley. One thing it doesn’t shy away from is Crowley doing genuinely awful stuff (instead of being a misunderstood woobie) and yet the resolution is sweet and lovely anyway. Would I rec it? Yes! Go read this fic. It’s fast-paced but long enough to be worth settling in to read, it’s funny, and it’s sweet. 5 stars

In Holy Matrimony by Myracuulous Good Omens; Aziraphale/Crowley; ~6.7k words; rated General From the private journal of Alisha Jones, wedding planner, concerning the nuptials of Anthony J Crowley and Aziraphale and the planning process thereof, containing an account of chosen decor, guest list construction, and the holy war against the Antichrist that nearly ruined six months of professional organization and a very nice dinner. Did I like it? Yes! It was extremely cute, and I always really like outsider POV. I did appreciate the fact that poor Alisha definitely knew something was definitely weird, but kept telling herself not to question it because a gorgeous wedding with an unlimited budget and zero issues with scheduling, catering, guest limits, etc. is a great problem to have. Was it good? It was pretty good! The climax and wrap-up felt a bit rushed, mostly due to the limits of outsider POV, but I did enjoy Aziraphale unexpectedly embracing his inner groomzilla while also being unfailingly sweet about it. Would I rec it? Yup, especially if you want wedding comedy/fluff and outsider POV

Wrong Turn by anticyclone Good Omens; Aziraphale/Crowley; ~38k words; rated Teen And Up Lots and lots of somethings are wrong. First, Crowley's nearly hit by a car. Then he almost brains himself tripping over new and excessive piles of books at the bookshop. To add insult to near-injury, Aziraphale starts throwing knives at him. Safe to say his day could be going better.

The thing that's the most wrong of all is the universe, of course. In this one there was never an Arrangement. Aziraphale and Anthony (they can't both be 'Crowley') aren't friends and they certainly never agreed to prep for Armageddon. Unfortunately, the end of the world is two days away.

So that's something Crowley really has to fix before they can figure out how to get him home. Did I like it? Oh yes. I had read bits of this on ffa previously, and also anticyclone is a good writer (and a friend) so like, I was expecting it to be good; I was not disappointed. Was it good? Yes! I was particularly impressed at how much alternate backstory is set up in little hints here and there, and then explained more thoroughly in ways that take the AU Aziraphale and Crowley by surprise when they do finally get to talking. Would I rec it? Yes! Especially if you like a nice dose of enemies-to-lovers along with your friends-to-lovers, and also the awkwardness of meeting your alternate universe self.

Finished in January, not for reading challenges (3 books):

The Way of Kings, book 1 of The Stormlight Archive, by Brandon Sanderson Did I like it? It was fine. Was it good? I think so. I am maybe not the best audience for epic fantasy at this point, partly because I’ve read a lot of it and partly because I habitually read 3-7 books at once at any given time. Would I recommend it? Maybe, but I feel like most of the people who would enjoy it have probably heard of it already. 3 stars

Get a Wiggle On, a Good Omens fanzine Did I like it? Yup! Was it good? Mostly, although as usual with zines and anthologies, quality varies piece by piece. Of the fics I particularly liked “A Head Above Water,” “The Grapes of Mild Irritation,” and “Concerning the Great Serpent Glykon and the Angel Clothed With the Sun,” all of which are now available on AO3. Would I recommend it? If you like snakey Crowley, yes. 4 stars

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne Did I like it? Yes, very much! A very silly thing I particularly liked (which unfortunately you cannot really replicate) is that the edition I have is an illustrated hardcover book from 1926 which I picked up cheap at a used bookstore, knowing I would like it because Jules Verne. I didn’t think much about that specific date when I bought it, but I am now writing a fic set in 1926, with a character who has a habit of reading adventure novels and who I have specifically mentioned enjoyed Jules Verne in his childhood, so when I discovered the date the coincidence made me very happy. The book itself smells very nice, it’s nice to hold, and as I was reading it I kept thinking about what Danny would think of the book, and whether he would try reading it aloud to Crowley, and wondering if the book smelled as nice in 1926 as it does now. Maybe I will have Aziraphale give this book to him as a very small thank-you for all he has done to keep Crowley alive and well. Was it good? For the most part. Jules Verne is prone to wandering off on tangents where he shows you his research, but I’m sympathetic to that, and there’s some really cool and atmospheric scenes in this book. My favorite character was definitely Captain Nemo, who we don’t really learn much about. Could have done without Conseil, the bland servant character who could be a naturalist in his own right, if he had any opinions of his own, or the period racism/imperialism, which unfortunately is so built into this kind of adventure novel. But the environmentalism was a nice surprise, and you can definitely read some critiques of certain aspects of (Western?) culture at the time into Captain Nemo’s behavior; I have not yet read The Mysterious Island where Captain Nemo also appears, but I do get the impression a lot of people read him as being disgusted with imperialism. Would I recommend it? Probably! With the caveats above. It was a good adventure story with some awesome visuals, and I kept thinking about what a pretty movie it would make with modern SFX, and how sad I would be that they would inevitably not spend just 3 solid hours on cool fish and interiors of the Nautilus and scenes of the lost city of Atlantis and Captain Nemo being very mysterious and dreamy scary, because they’d probably shoehorn an awkward romance into it. 4 stars

Finished in February, not for reading challenges (2 books):

The Deception of the Emerald Ring by Lauren Willig, book 3 of the Pink Carnation series Did I like it? I did. It was a silly Regency romance novel with espionage elements, it is the third of a series I have enjoyed, and it contained an accidental/forced marriage to preserve a lady’s honor despite neither party to the marriage particularly liking or wanting to have anything to do with each other, and some misunderstandings about that. Also spies. Was it good? Not really. It was fun and I liked the characters, but I don’t think the writing was of particularly high quality. The handling of certain elements of English imperialism was not great, and bothered me enough to note it in my review on Goodreads. Would I recommend it? I’d recommend the series if it sounds like something you’d like; I might not recommend this specific book. 3 stars

The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley Did I like it? No. It was very dark, and I did not enjoy most of the book. A lot of it was because it was very gritty and grim, and because I frequently don’t enjoy military fiction; a lot of it was because many of the dystopian aspects of our present reality that came to a head in 2020 were magnified in the book. Part of it was also that the protagonist’s entire reality and memory was being denied for much of the book, and I think it reminded me of being gaslit. (This is not a criticism of the book, or some kind of weird accusation that the book or its author was somehow abusing me, I just have this personal history. In fact, it turns out the main character is being gaslit to some extent, and the author writes it very well.) It was a minor relief when she finally decided the stuff she was going through was real, and a huge relief when she was able to talk to someone who believed her. Was it good? Yes, I think so. Would I recommend it? Not right now, but I think this would be a good book to read at a time when the world feels more stable. I don’t say this because I want you to wait until everything’s fine to read it; I say this because it feels like a good anti-complacency read. 4 stars (3 for not being an enjoyable read, 5 for the actual plot; it averages out.)

In progress, not for reading challenges (1 book):

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by 墨香铜臭

#kaesa op

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star-spangled-eyes · 5 years ago

Text

Forbidden: Part 2: Someone You Loved

This alternate universe fan fiction uses characters created and owned by Pixelberry Studios. Character names, descriptions and likenesses are owned by Pixelberry Studios. Some content in the first part are direct words from TRR Book 3, Chapter 16. The MC, Bragnae Bennett, and story is created and owned by this author.

Book: The Royal Romance (Alternate Universe)

Alternate Universe Theme: The Queen of Cordonia as an adulteress

Pairing: King Liam x MC / Drake Walker x MC (Bragnae Bennett – *pronounced Brawn-yah)

Warnings for this series: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, heavy angst, drama of course, very steamy sex scenes in each part -- IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, DO NOT READ THIS SERIES. Also, if you do not like reading smut, especially mine, please do not read this series.

Series Description: Forbidden is an extremely steamy story that takes place in Cordonia picking up the night of Bragnae’s bachelorette party in Las Vegas. She accepted King Liam’s proposal, despite also being in love with Drake. But when Liam gives Bragnae permission to have one last fling before they’re hitched, she chooses Drake.

Even though Bragnae tells him their dalliance is for one night only, Drake can’t seem to let it go. Once they return to Cordonia and the King marries his betrothed, Drake convinces Bragnae to embrace the forbidden pleasure of being with him in addition to filling her role as queen – consequences be damned.

Master List

A/N: I definitely don’t condone cheating in a relationship, but I have to say this is more a love story, than a lust. And it is delicious! I’m just having fun with this fic (but don’t worry… drama will still ensue), and I hope you are too!

Warnings for this chapter: NSFW, Adult content, sex, angst, suggestive and strong language, (I’m amping up the sexual language in this series!)

Word Count for this chapter: 9408 – Sorry, not sorry. It all needed to be said.

Setting for this chapter: Bragnae and Liam have some fun on their honeymoon, and Drake copes with his decisions.

Permatags: @burnsoslow @cora-nova @dcbbw @thorfosterlove @emceesynonymroll @edgiestwinter @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @msjr0119 @notoriouscs @drakewalker04 @pedudley @desiree---1986 @choices-lurker @kingliam2019 @loveellamae @drakexnadira @flutistbyday2020 @indiana-jr

Series Tags: @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @silverofdreams @texaskitten30 @mskaneko @jemrmax2love @nomadics-stuff @queenjilian @yukinagato2012 @ravenpuff02 @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog @moneyfordiamonds

Part 2: Someone You Loved

The first few days of their honeymoon went by in a blur. Leave it to the King of Cordonia to own his own private island. With only a few staff around to cook their meals and tidy up the villa, Bragnae and Liam were virtually alone. It was a refreshing change after the whirlwind that was her life once she stepped off the plane in Cordonia for the first time.

Getting a moment alone with Liam was more difficult than she would have liked, but she understood. First, she’d been competing for his hand with five other women. So, he had to be fair to share his time with them all. Next, he was engaged when he didn’t want to be, and Bragnae was branded as a harlot, so having Liam seen with her would have looked bad on him.

Once they were engaged, they had the freedom to be with each other more, but with Liam’s duties as King, Cordonia always comes first. Bragnae accepted that. She knew what to expect with him, but it didn’t make her want him any less. If anything, the moments they could be alone together were that much sweeter.

The honeymoon was a particularly special treat because it was truly just about them. In the days they spent on the island, their pleasure was of the utmost importance. A true honeymoon. They’d eat, have sex, sleep, wake up, have sex again, eat some more, and the cycle just repeated itself. Far from being an exhausting routine, they enjoyed every minute.

After they intimately explored every square inch of the villa, Liam took Bragnae out to discover the island leading to many impromptu erotic moments. In a quiet oasis towards the center of the island, Liam bent her over a downed tree, making her come hard twice while the wild birds scattered from her ear-piercing screams. They had also found a beautiful waterfall to make love under, letting the power of the water invoke many sensual and heightened orgasms.

As if Liam had placed it there himself, a large, smooth bolder sat in the shallows of the ocean, which was the perfect place to enjoy the silvery glow of the moon bouncing off the water while Liam pounded into her. The crashing waves lapping against their lower halves only enhanced the experience. With miles separating them from the nearest person, especially after the staff left the island for the night, Liam encouraged her not to hold back with her pleasured cries, and he made sure she didn’t.

Aside from the frequent, mind-blowing sex, Bragnae and Liam had grown even closer than they ever had before. There was actually time for them to talk about their interests, relax without any major distractions, and just be with each other. It was all she could ever hope for – the perfect honeymoon with her new husband, the King.

Bragnae finished getting ready for bed with a quick spritz of perfume. She looked at herself in the mirror, admiring the black and red negligee that hugged her curves. She knew it wouldn’t stay on long, and being naked made more sense, but the King liked a challenge.

Flipping off the bathroom light, she strolled back into the bedroom to see Liam sitting up in bed with a laptop resting on his thighs. His brow furrowed as his eyes scanned the screen. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and she hoped he was bare even under the sheets. She’d soon find out.

Bragnae got on the bed, and crawled seductively towards him, catching his attention. “How’s the kingdom, Your Majesty?” Her tone was flirty and playful in hopes to get his mind on her instead.

He smiled at her. “It’s running smoothly, although it looks like we’ll be a bit busy when we return.”

“Why do you say that?” She straddled his knees, and leaned over his computer letting her ample cleavage tease him. His eyes immediately shifted to her chest with an appreciative look.

His gaze returned to her eyes. “Well, for starters, we have to have your coronation. Since you married the king, you automatically fill the role as queen, but Cordonian tradition states that there must be a coronation for you to be officially considered a ruler of the country. It has to happen within a month of us getting married.”

“That sounds nice. I’m looking forward to it. What else?”

Liam sighed. “As soon as we get back, I have to go to Lythikos.” He ran a hand through his silky, blonde hair. “Olivia needs some help with something in her duchy. She’s being vague as to the details, but needs my assistance.”

“Can I go with you?”

“Normally, I’d say yes. But I want you to get settled in at the palace, and start getting to know your role as queen. There will be a lot for you to adjust to, I’m afraid.”

“What’s a queen without her king?” Her lips transformed into a sultry smirk.

“You make a valid point, but I won’t be gone too long. One night, maybe.” Her smirk faltered at the thought of not being with him. “Trust me, I don’t want to leave you either. We can make up for it now, and when I come back.”

Bragnae nodded assertively. “Fair enough. And speaking of now, what do you say we put the country’s needs aside, and focus on ours instead?” She slowly pushed the laptop closed, and put it on the bedside table, making it a point to hover over him in a sexy feline sort of way.

Liam grinned, using a finger to pull down her top for a better view. “I don’t even know why you’re wearing this. I’m just going to take it off of you anyway.”

She inched herself closer, still on all fours. “Maybe I wanted you to work for it.” Leaning forward, she slowly and barely brushed her lips against his before sitting back again.

“I will always make an effort to work for it when it comes to you.” Just then, Liam sat forward grabbing her by the waist, and pulled her on top of him like it was nothing.

“You’re so strong, Liam,” she said biting her lip. Flattening her hands onto his well-defined chest, she admired his physique. “You have such a sexy, toned body. I can’t get enough of it.”

“A king should be strong to defend his kingdom… and his queen.” Liam pushed the satin fabric above her hips before running the back of his hand across her pelvis.

Bragnae tingled at her core. No matter how many times they’d slept together, his touch always inspired such a reaction. Not to mention staring at the blonde Adonis sitting beneath her already made her wet and ready for him.

“Well, on behalf of the citizens of Cordonia, we want to thank you for every chiseled muscle on your body for the betterment of our country.” Her finger outlined his pectorals, dropping down to trace each of his defined abs as she spoke. Her hand slipped further down beneath the sheet to gently grip his already hardened cock.

A low groan rumbled in his throat. “That particular muscle is not for Cordonia. It’s only reserved for you.”

“Yes, but the citizens are rooting for me to have a very pleasurable honeymoon, and this,” she paused to peel back the sheets to expose his monumental erection, “plays a vital role in that.” Bragnae slowly stroked him, mesmerized by his mouth-watering dick.

She briefly wondered if all Cordonian men were as well-endowed as he was. A recent memory breached her mind of the other massive cock she encountered and who it belonged to, but she quickly pushed it away.

Liam smiled, shifting a bit under her touch. “The people are already rallying around you, huh? It makes sense. They, like me, want you to be completely satisfied.” He rolled her on her back, so she was underneath him. “Over and over and over again.”

His mouth crashed against hers, kissing her with everything he had. That was Liam – full of passion, devotion and eagerness to please her. She moaned as his hands moved down her body. He gripped her hips, and tugged her down the bed a bit before lifting her negligee up. Instead of removing it completely, he made it so the fabric both covered her eyes and restrained her arms. She was bound by her own outfit with her body bare and entirely at Liam’s mercy.

She squirmed a bit just to play along. Seeing nothing but darkness made her other senses spike, especially when Liam caressed her breasts, loving each one of her taut nipples with his tongue and a gentle tug of his teeth. Bragnae gasped, her breathing increased.

“God, Liam that feels so good.” A surge of heat rushed to her core as he loved her body.

After assuming he’d move south next, Liam surprised her by capturing her lips once more. “You ready to scream, my Queen?” He bit her lower lip, slowly dragging away from her before his mouth worked its way down her body.

Bragnae moaned deliciously. “You know that I am.” If there was an award given for ‘most skilled at oral sex’, King Liam would win it every time, hands down. He not only was exceptional at it, but he liked doing it as well – almost to the point of obsession. It was thrilling and unbearably hot. A man with such a skill should be afforded as many opportunities as he wanted to perform, and Bragnae would happily and shamelessly enable his pleasurable addiction anytime.

It didn’t matter what position he had her in – because it did vary, she would reach her climax hard and fast, and would soon be putty in his arms. Worthless to the world for at least two minutes, sometimes longer. He was that good. Thinking about it in more depth, it made sense that he excelled in this particular area.

Liam was charismatic, a well-spoken man, and he addressed the public on an almost daily basis. His tongue assisted him in speaking five different languages, negotiating with diplomats and other foreign leaders, and her most favorite, talking dirty to her. It was no wonder that when he flicked his tongue at just the right speed and pressure that she’d fall apart around him.

To add to the suspense of it all, he would always include an extra move that pleasantly surprised her whether that be using his hands to assist his skilled mouth, humming into her, or even biting. Yes – biting. Where she thought it might be too much for her sensitive skin, the way Liam did it made her toes curl. Whatever combination he decided to use never failed to elicit the same response in her – glass-shattering screams, soaked sheets, calling to God… it was all amazing.

Liam spread her legs wide, placing tender kisses on her inner thigh. Bragnae gasped as she felt him blow lightly on her hot, aching center. He chuckled at her reaction.

“I could stare at you like this all day. Spread eagle, your hot, wet pussy in my face, your beautiful breasts moving up and down along with your ragged breathing. You’re. A fucking. Work. Of art.” Liam punctuated each word with a lap of his tongue, making Bragnae writhe with anticipation.

As much as he enjoyed the act itself, it seemed he relished teasing her beforehand as well. She didn’t mind it because she knew what was coming – aside from herself, that was a given – and it was worth any wait she had to endure.

She smiled, exhaling a giggle that turned into a moan. “I wouldn’t mind this all day, but I’m pretty sure the country would need your attention sooner or later.”

“Such a pity.” Bragnae could feel his hot breath before his expert tongue grazed the soft skin between her southern lips. He always knew the right place to start.

Bragnae dreamily sank into the incredible and hastened strokes of his tongue, which he would use in all the cardinal directions as well as the occasional swirl. Her hips would have rolled with him if he hadn’t held her firmly in place.

Just as she felt the warmth start to build, Liam hummed as he licked, making her entire core vibrate. She pressed her head back against the mattress, tensing her body as the flood gates were about to open. His name left her lips in a breathy whisper as he helped to unleash the blissful fury she had expected.

Her body convulsed as her still restricted hands grasped at the pillows above her head. Liam kept up with his mission until her long screams subsided. An overwhelming sensation of pleasure, love and comfort filled her – almost as if she had floated out of her body and was left hovering on cloud nine.

She tasted herself on his lips as he kissed her, and removed the negligee so that it no longer held her captive. Her eyes fluttered open looking at her husband who wore a big, accomplished grin on his face.

“I love when you scream like that. Makes me so hard.” Liam winked at her before hopping off the bed.

Still in a euphoric state, Bragnae barely noticed as Liam tugged her towards the edge of the bed. He picked up one of her legs letting the other rest on the mattress, and stroked himself as he looked at her. Her gaze met his – those blue eyes dark as an ocean with desire.

“I’m going to be useless to you for another minute or so.” Still panting, she barely managed to speak.

He lined the tip of his engorged member to her, teasing her dripping wet entrance. “Hmmm, not completely useless. All you need to do is relax and moan like the goddess that you are.” He pushed himself inside her with ease prompting a throaty moan of agreement from Bragnae.

Leaning over, pumping slowly in and out of her, he smiled. “That’s it. How do you like my dick, Bragnae?”

All she could do was whimper from the wonderful feeling of him stretching her out.

“Tell me you like it,” he demanded in a low, hoarse voice. He increased his pace a little.

“I love it. I love when your big, hard dick is inside me.” What wasn’t to love about that?

“Such a dirty mouth you have,” he said chuckling before bending down to kiss her again. “And I love your tight, wet pussy.”

She smiled. “I remembered to do my Kegel exercises for you too, big boy.” As if to emphasize her point, she used her internal muscles to contract her walls around his cock, giving him a unique, sexy hug.

He smirked down at her. “I do appreciate that.”

“Harder, Liam.” He answered with a powerful thrust that she felt in her throat.

“How’s that?” He did it again. She hissed a sharp breath through gritted teeth.

“Good. Now, faster.”

He kept his eyes on hers as a determined look spread across his face. His abs flexed with each thrust he made into her, pounding at rapid speed. Her leg pressed against his chest as he held onto it with both hands, squeezing her thigh.

The position of her leg and the slight curve of his dick made for the perfect position for him to rub in just the right spot. She felt the hot pressure in her pelvis swiftly change to the promise of more.

“Liam, I’m close. Oh, my God. I’m so close.”

He moved his thumb over her clitoris, lightly rubbing as he kept up his pace. “Go on. Soak my dick, baby.”

The added stimulation sent her over the edge. Gripping the bed sheets with both hands, she squeezed her eyes shut, and became consumed with all that encompassed her sensual release. Seconds later, Liam set free his own climax draining himself into her.

Still nestled safely inside her, he leaned down again to kiss her. “I love you, Bragnae.”

“I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Empty bottles that once contained alcohol and used glasses littered Drake’s otherwise tidy room. He laid in his bed, fully clothed, as rays from the sun shined on his face. This was the way he’d fallen asleep every night for the past week – drinking until he was good and drunk, and then passing out on his bed with the lights on. He felt a pounding headache throb at his temples that hadn’t seemed to go away since the night of wedding no matter how much whiskey he drank.

Of course, he knew the alcohol wasn’t making things better, but he didn’t care. He needed two things: to be comforted, and to forget. Since he didn’t have the woman he wanted to warm him with her touch, the whiskey sufficed. And because that particular woman was on her honeymoon, likely getting fucked in every position imaginable – and if he knew his friend, he wasn’t far off, he needed to get her out of his mind.

He had grown to realize that even after nearly drowning himself with all that he consumed in alcohol, it hadn’t been as reliable as he’d hoped. Still, through the mind-altering haze, he found himself thinking about Bragnae. There wasn’t an inch of her body he didn’t see in his mind, not a single detail of their dalliance that he didn’t obsess over.

Hoping to find some solace amidst the pain, he even tried to use the thoughts of her to inspire a release of his own built up sexual tension and strife, but knowing he couldn’t be with her took the thrill of the fantasy out of the equation. Frustrated, horny, sad, pissed off – this is what his life was now. He was already a bitter person, but somehow in the last week, he was able to dig down to a whole other level of disturbed.

He wanted nothing from life but Bragnae. Being with her made him happy, in ways he didn’t even know he could be. She challenged him, laughed at his sarcastic jokes, and went out of her way to make sure he was having a good time. They had bonded to the point of friends, which he didn’t expect at first.

But with his desire for her coupled with her reciprocating need for him, they had entered a new plane of existence between platonic friendship and romantic relationship, which was confusing as fuck. And because of his incessant need to put others before him, he missed his chance to be with her for good. He hadn’t even told her how much he loved her, and had loved her since the beginning.

A knock at the door startled him. It sounded as if a bomb had just gone off, making him cringe. There was a pause before another repetition of knocking came. He drew in a deep breath, heaving himself off the bed to stop the head-splitting noise.

On his way, he stumbled a bit, still feeling the effects of last night’s binge. He opened the door to see the small, but fierce Hana Lee looking up at him in surprise. Why the hell is she surprised to see me? This is my goddamn room.

“Drake, you look awful.” Her mouth had gaped open as her eyes raked over his disheveled appearance. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, so his dark stubble became more than that. His wrinkled clothes hadn’t been changed in a day, and his longer hair hadn’t seen a comb in twice that amount of time. Maybe he shouldn’t be so shocked that she had that reaction.

“Thanks. It reflects my mood. What do you want?” His voice was low and grumbly. When she pulled back, appearing to have been offended, he retraced his words. “I’m sorry. I have a headache. What can I do for you?” His eyelids felt heavy, probably from the lack of decent sleep he’d gotten, but also from the anguish that plagued him. He hoped she didn’t notice too much.

Hana placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I just came to tell you that Liam and Bragnae come back to the palace today. And I thought it’d be nice for us to be there to greet them when they arrive.” As soon as the happy couple was married, Hana stepped in as Bragnae’s Senior Lady-In-Waiting, and she took her role very seriously. “It looks like you could use some time to… freshen up. How about I grab you some coffee, and then you can do what you need to do?”

Hana also grew to be one of Drake’s few friends. She was sweet, caring, talented as hell, and could knock a guy’s block off if she wanted to – even if her confidence told her she couldn’t. Standing at just over five feet tall, he towered over her small frame at his own six and a half feet. She was half-Chinese, half-Cordonian – gorgeous. She’d make any man happy, any man that wasn’t already infatuated with someone else like he was.

He looked into her compassionate, brown eyes that pleaded with him to comply. He hadn’t wanted to leave his room today, except maybe to find something to eat, but he couldn’t say no. Plus, they were coming home today. It wouldn’t look good if Liam’s best friend wasn’t around to welcome him back.

“Sure, Hana. That’d be great. Give me twenty minutes, and I’ll meet you in the dining hall. And I take my coffee black.”

She nodded. “I’ll order some food for you as well. Twenty-minutes, Drake,” she said, pointing at him with a stern look.

He chuckled at her sudden assertiveness. “I promise. Thanks, Hana.”

“You’re welcome, my friend.” He closed the door as soon as she walked off.

Leaning against it, he sighed. Now, he had to do the impossible: prepare himself to face the woman he loved as she hung on the arm of another man. All the while, he had to look presentable as if her marriage to his best friend had not transformed his life, now wrought with despair.

An hour or so later, Drake had showered, shaved, and eaten a bigger breakfast than usual. Having a strict diet of whiskey over the past week would surely make a person ravenous. The coffee was strong, just how he liked it, and it gave him the energy he needed to brave the rest of the day. Maxwell and Bertrand had even come in from Ramsford to greet the King and Queen.

Hana had caught them all up with the day’s festivities. They’d have a dinner with the royal couple celebrating their return. Drake grumbled inward – all the royals did was throw parties, it didn’t matter the occasion. He tried to mask his bitterness, but felt like he was failing. His intention wasn’t to snub his best friend and his new wife, but the situation dictated a different response. He felt like an asshole.

His headache had gone away with the coffee and stomach full of food, so after everything was said at breakfast, he excused himself to go back to his room. He had a little over an hour before he was needed in the Grand Hall, so he took some time to clean up his room. The trashcan filled up quickly with the embarrassing amount of empty whiskey bottles. He made his bed, and picked up his floor.

Checking the clock, the cleaning had only taken thirty minutes of his time. He sighed, sitting on his bed, feeling antsy. Normally, when he hadn’t resorted to poisoning his liver with endless whiskey, he would go to the gym to exert his tension, stress or just for the fun of it.

He couldn’t do that now, there wasn’t enough time, and he’d have to shower again. He decided he’d go later. Late night work outs were nice to clear his head before bed, and he’d most likely need it after being forced to be in the same room as Bragnae.

He leaned back, thumbing through his phone. First through social media, then over to a game that could let him escape reality for a bit. His fingers twitched before moving to the other app. What he really wanted to do was look at the few saved pictures of Bragnae he had on his phone.

Some of them were some they took together over the engagement tour, when Liam was still betrothed to Madeleine, and the others were some he’d swiped from her social media. She had modeled in a photoshoot for a friend in New York once, and the second Drake discovered those photos, he was a goner. He’d incorporate them into the background of his phone had it been acceptable, but of course it wasn’t. Still the guy on the outside looking in, he had to hide his desire for her.

Luckily, the game had done its job, and it was time to head to the Grand Hall. Drake slipped his phone into his pocket, and left his room.

When he reached the meeting area, Hana, Maxwell and Bertrand were already in place along with many other servants and guards. Select members of the press too.

“You’re just in time. Their plane landed twenty minutes ago, so they should arrive any minute,” Hana told him. She looked happy, as she should, for their friends’ return. He wished he could be that happy.

Drake acknowledged her, and proceeded to cross his arms over his chest. After a few seconds, he realized the way he stood made him appear unapproachable, so he shook out his arms, and let them rest at his sides. He fidgeted a bit more, feeling uncomfortable.

Loud applause and cheering spread through the room as Liam and Bragnae strolled through the double doors. Camera flashes went off and the crowd swarmed them. Drake and the rest stood in the back allowing the media a chance for their questions and pictures before the palace guards would shoo them off.

After a few minutes, the crowd began to dissipate, and he could now see his friend, the King. Liam wore a polo and shorts, his aviator sunglasses hung on the V-neck of his shirt. He looked relaxed, care free. Why wouldn’t he? He just got to spend the week doing nothing accept his wife. Drake clenched his jaw at the thought.

Finally, the persistent media goons left, allowing Drake full access to look at the new queen. He dreaded this moment just as much as he craved it. No matter how much pain sat in his heart, not seeing Bragnae was worse than seeing her. He missed her – he wasn’t afraid to admit that. She had been such a big part of his life over the past several months, and being away from her for a week was excruciatingly difficult – obviously.

He drew in a sharp breath as he saw her face. She smiled brightly at those around her. Her skin looked tanner than usual, and her long, black hair was tousled in a breezy sort of way. She wore a strappy sundress that extended to the floor, and a long gold necklace, drawing his eye to her impeccable breasts. God, that dress looked great on her.

Drake felt stirrings of arousal hit him suddenly. He wanted to deny them, but they were relentless the more he looked at her. The high slit in her dress gave him all kinds of naughty ideas, and soon he was daydreaming about the things he’d love to do to her. He wasn’t even concerned with anyone else in the room. All that mattered was her.

Liam stepped up to Drake first before greeting the rest. “Hey, buddy. Things been well while we’ve been gone?” He pulled Drake into a bro-hug.

He cleared his throat. “As well as can be expected.” What can anyone expect of a man with a broken and lust-filled heart except that things were all they could be? Unchanging and depressing as fuck.

Liam clapped him on the shoulder. “Good to hear. Looking forward to catching up with you soon.” He quickly moved on to Hana and Maxwell sharing similar greetings.

Drake knew Bragnae was close just by the smell of her sweet perfume. Her scent was intoxicating, both graceful and seductive. It suited her. He watched her traipse over to him with a bright smile. It awakened his heart to see her looking at him like that.

“Your Majesty,” he said with a slight bow and straight face.

Bragnae lifted an eyebrow at him. “Come on, Drake. You don’t have to do that. ‘Bennett’ is just fine.”

“That’s no longer your name.” His responses seemed callous. He didn’t exactly plan on them coming out that way, but it did reflect his mood.

She scoffed. “Fine, Drake. Call me whatever you want.” As she turned to walk away, Drake grabbed her hand. He couldn’t let her leave like that. He had to make it right.

Bragnae snapped her head in the direction of their joined hands before glaring up at him. “What are you—,”

“I’m sorry, Bennett. How was your honeymoon?” He hoped she’d tell him it was terrible, and that she thought of him the whole time, but he knew that wouldn’t happen.

She visibly relaxed, but didn’t pull her hand away. “It was nice. Thank you. How’ve you been?”

“Well enough.” He looked into her amber eyes. She stared right back. He noticed her breathing had quickened, and knew it was a result of holding her hand from the way her gaze dropped to it. She swallowed, trying to hide being flustered, but Drake could see it. He saw everything.

He still affected her with a single touch, even after being a rude asshole to her. He, too, felt the electric current running through his veins stemming from their joined hands. He knew she was experiencing the same thing. Seeing her react that way gave him hope. A hope for what? What would he do with it? He didn’t know just yet, but he had a feeling he’d soon figure it out.

Bragnae cleared her throat and shook off her entranced expression as she gently pulled her hand out of his. “That’s good, Drake. I’ll see you later.”

He nodded, keeping his heated gaze on her. She took a step toward Hana, but looked back at him once more. The end of his mouth curled up into a smirk. Bragnae quickly averted her eyes and focused on Hana instead offering her a warm greeting.

After a week away with her husband, a single touch from Drake still muddled her composure. He decided he would test the waters further telling her what he wanted, and maybe she’d want that too. The night should prove interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was good to be back at the palace, even though she already missed her alone time with Liam. After greeting the welcome committee, they went back to their suite to shower and get ready for the dinner with their friends. Liam, as insatiable as he was, caught her before any other clothes could shield her body, and made love to her in their king-sized royal bed. Good to be back, indeed.

Bragnae slipped on a pink, chiffon dress that stopped at her knee, and stepped into a pair of peep-toe heels before her husband escorted her to the Dining Hall.

Everyone was already waiting for them when they walked in the room and took a seat. Liam at the head of the table, and Bragnae to his left. Out of courtesy for their position, their friends waited for them to sit before taking their own seats. Hana sat next to Bragnae, while Drake, Maxwell and Bertrand filled in across from her.

Her eyes flicked over to Drake as he settled in. He was looking particularly handsome today. She didn’t know what it was, but still she tried to ignore that. So, she turned to look at Maxwell, and thought about how nice he looked, and even Bertrand.

Maxwell, the hilarious party-guy she had come to love, was extremely good looking. He styled his hair, in what she considered was purposefully carefree, but he always looked good. He smelled delightful and warm, as a man should, dressed nice, and was toned and fit. Despite all of that, Bragnae had grown to love Maxwell as a brother-figure than anything else, which was probably best as she already had two men, specifically at this table, that she had romantic feelings for.

Bertrand was handsome in his own way. As Maxwell’s older brother, he was the Duke of Ramsford. He had been the indignant man that always gave her a hard time during the Social Season when she wanted to act like her ‘carefree American self’ – his words. Over time, however, he had become something more to her, like an older brother or even father-figure. Raised as an orphan, she was grateful to have him and any of her friends to consider part of her close-knit circle, part of her family.

Drinks had been served, and the servants presented them all with their meals. Everyone started to chat, especially Maxwell with his seemingly endless, but adorable questions about the island they just spent a week on, already making plans for them all to go back.

As she continued to listen and eat her meal, she felt like she was being watched. After taking a bite of the savory pot roast, she looked at Maxwell again before shifting her eyes to Drake. It was him. He was looking at her. But when their gazes met, he didn’t look away. In fact, he made it a point to deepen his stare.

Bragnae had to avert her eyes as a shiver shot down her spine. That was the second time that day one of his looks affected her that way. She took another bite. Maybe he was done staring. Of course, she’d need to check. Looking back in his direction, he had a glass of his favorite libation in his hand, and before he took a drink, his eyes flashed over to her again.

She could feel her heart race. Drake, with his dark eyes, could slay any woman with a single look. Well, so could her husband. But there was something to his smoldering and always brooding expression that made her tingly. She wondered why he was so attentive with her today. Before the wedding, it felt like he did all in his power to avoid her eyes, perhaps so she wouldn’t see the hurt inside him.

But now? He was eyeing her like a predator stalking its prey. Not that she ever felt threated by Drake, but his looks now definitely were intimidating. Mostly because she didn’t know what they meant.

Liam put his hand over hers on the table. Startled, she jumped slightly at his touch.

“Are you okay, Bragnae? Your face is a little red,” Kindly, he lowered his voice to a whisper not to draw the attention of the others, but they all still honed in on her.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious and needing a moment to sort out the mixed emotions running through her head, she stood. “I’m fine. Thank you,” she told him with a soft touch to his arm. “I’m a little warm. I think I’ll go splash some water on my face.”

The men at the table stood, chivalrous as they were, as she left the room. Once she was out of their sight, she headed to the nearest powder room. Closing the door behind her, she walked up to the sink, leaning on the counter as she took a few deep breaths.

She raised her head to see herself in the mirror. She was a bit red in the face. Damn Drake. No matter how hard she tried, he would always get a rise out of her. She shook her head, partly in disgust at herself as well as frustration. How could she move on from him if she saw him every day? He lived at the palace, same as her.

It would have been fine, and easier to deal with had he not started to intentionally capture her attention with his sexy, determined eyes. She put a hand to her chest feeling her heart beat faster than normal. Even her breathing was ragged. That wasn’t good. It was too soon to be around him again. How would she get around this?

Bragnae sat down on a cushioned tuffet she pulled out from under the counter, and gave herself another minute to regain her composure. Then, there was a knock at the door. She sighed. This was how life would be as the queen. She’d never truly be able to escape for a moment alone without someone coming to check on her.

Stubbornly, she let the person knock again before she called out. “I’ll be right there.” She stood, pushing the seat back in its place, and looked herself over once more. Taking another deep breath, she opened the door to see Drake staring down at her.

Her heart rate skyrocketed again. “Drake, what are you doing?”

Without an invitation, he gently pushed his way into the small powder room, closing the door behind him. “Shhh, Bennett. I’m sorry but I’ve got to talk to you.”

He’s got to talk to me? No way. I’m doing the talking. “Why do you keep looking at me at the table like you are?”

The room felt bigger before he was in it. Now, standing over her, crowding her a bit, the room was shrinking. She backed up against the counter, and he continued to step forward. Summoning all her strength, she tried her best to appear confident instead of the reality of her about to melt on the floor in a lustful puddle of herself because of his presence.

“That’s what I want to talk to you about.” He paused to study her for a moment. “I missed you… and I’ve been an idiot. I should have told you this sooner. You’re everything to me. You’re my last thought before I fall asleep, and on my mind immediately when I wake up. I love the way your smile lights up your entire face, I love that you laugh at all my stupid jokes, and I love that you push me to be better — you make me want to be a better man than I was.”

Drake took a small step forward. “I care about you so much, and… I want to be with you. It hurts,” his hands clutched at the fabric of his shirt over his heart, “it physically hurts that I’m not the one you call yours.” He visibly swallowed. “I love you, Benn— Bragnae.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her eyes frantically searched his for an ounce of humor or sarcasm, but there was none. He was sincere. He was pouring his heart out to her, telling her everything she wanted him to say before, and he chose now to do it. What a nerve. Suddenly she felt hurt and irate.

“How dare you say this to me now? You’ve had plenty of chances to tell me how you feel, and you wait until the day I get back from my honeymoon?” Her voice had raised a bit on that last word. “What is wrong with you, Drake?”

He dropped his hands to his sides again, and straightened his posture. “Plenty. And don’t think I don’t know it. But I’m not going to apologize for telling you this now.”

Surprised by his confidence, she gave him a questioning look. “What am I supposed to do with that? In case you forgot, you can’t be with me. I’m married now. You were there. You saw it.”

Drake stepped even closer to her. Their bodies mere inches apart. “Yeah, I saw it. Do you want to know what else I saw that day – on your face in particular? Longing, desire, maybe some regret – and that was just a few minutes after you said ‘I do’. Today, five minutes after you return from your honeymoon, I saw it all again. But this time there was more. I know you care about me, Bennett, dare I even say that you love me.”

He shifted his weight, looking down in attempt to gather his courage again. “I wouldn’t be telling you this – I wouldn’t be trying to ruin your marriage if I didn’t think you felt the same about me.”

I do, but I can’t allow you to think that. Not when my heart is still in this fragile state. “Well, I don’t.”

“Bullshit.” He narrowed his eyes at her. He had the gall to call her out, and at a time like this?

Unwilling to let him compromise her emotions further, she started for the door. She got it open a crack before Drake’s hand slammed it shut. She turned around to face him. His arm extended against the door, not allowing her to leave.

“What are you doing, Drake?” Anger and shock filled her voice.

His stature exuded confidence, but his face and words showed his vulnerability. “I know why you’re running away, but I can’t let you leave until I get all of this out. It’s… it’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. I know you said what happened in Vegas was a one-time thing. And at the time, I was so desperate to touch you again that I didn’t give a shit about the consequences. And now, it’s haunting me.”

Her expression and voice softened. “I was afraid of that.”

Drake looked deep into her eyes. “The day you got married, I sat in the parking lot trying to figure out whose life I was going to ruin: Liam’s, yours, or mine. I considered leaving Cordonia for good, but I knew that would hurt you. And to be honest, I didn’t think I could survive without seeing you regularly. So, I chose Liam because I just had to have you for myself.”

Bragnae listened intently. He was opening up to her, and she wasn’t going to interrupt.

“I walked into that church, spotted your door, and made my way to you. Before I could get there, Liam stepped out of his room, and told me it was time to go. And it was at that point I realized that Liam deserved to be happy too, and I couldn’t ruin his life by taking you away from him. So, I ruined mine instead.”

She so badly wanted to reach out to touch him, but something held her back.

“Bennett, you will never understand the level of pain and regret I have for letting you slip between my fingers. I know I hurt you. I know I didn’t speak up when I needed to. I know that I have no leg to stand on, but I couldn’t go another day without telling you how I felt.” Drake ran his hand softly down her arm. “I’d give anything to turn back the clocks, and tell you all of this before Liam proposed, but I can’t.”

“No, you can’t.” A lump of emotion welled in her throat. “Please don’t bring this up again. It hurts too much.” She turned away from him, hoping to avoid seeing the agony on his face. After a moment, Drake dropped his hand from the door, and she left the room.

Later that evening, Bragnae lay awake in bed next to her peacefully snoozing husband. She couldn’t sleep. Even when she and Liam had sex a few hours ago, she was distracted. Drake’s words had imprinted her mind, and she couldn’t stop thinking about what he said, and how he said it.

She hadn’t seen that kind of passion in Drake, when he was speaking, in… ever. The barrier of his friendship and duty to Liam always shielded whatever emotion he’d hoped to convey.

It was half past midnight. Liam had to leave early in the morning for Lythikos, so she didn’t want to disturb him with her restlessness. She decided she’d get up, and walk around the palace to help clear her thoughts. She threw on a camisole before slipping on a pair of pajama shorts. On her way out of the bedroom, she put on a jacket, zipping it up halfway.

Bragnae shoved her hands in her jacket pockets as she roamed the hallways of the palace thinking about Drake. As much as she wanted to hear those words from him, and as wonderful as they were to hear, she was more upset than infatuated. Why did he have to wait so long to tell her?

He had mentioned he wanted to break up their wedding, but changed his mind at the last second. Thinking about her wedding day, she tried to imagine what she would have done had he found her before Liam interrupted his plan. Would she have run off with him, or would she have denied him? Knowing her heart, and how desperately she wanted to be with him, there was no question.

But what about Liam? He wasn’t just this unbelievably attractive guy who was also a king. He was kind, tender, and loving. Even though it had only been about a week, she enjoyed being married to him. Granted, they were on their honeymoon the entire time, but still. He meant the world to her.

So, Drake corralled her in the bathroom to tell her all the things he should have said before, and expected her to jump right into his arms? She shook her head at the thought. Although, she’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t want to. It was Drake, after all.

Looking ahead of her, Bragnae saw a bright light coming from a room. As she approached, she recognized it as the palace’s gym. The room had a wall of windows looking into the spacious area. She had only seen the gym in passing, never visited it for its intended purpose.

She looked at the vast array of equipment, cardio machines, weights, other contraptions geared towards different muscles in the body. A brief thought came to mind for her to go in there and work out – try to release the stress and pressure she now felt inside her. But before she could make any plans, she spotted someone.

It was Drake. He wore a black, razorback tank top, and a pair of red athletic shorts. She watched him pick up a set of free weights, forty-five pounds in each hand, as he pulled them up and away from the sides of his torso, putting his impressive wingspan on display. His back was turned to her, so he hadn’t noticed her gawking. Thank God.

The muscles in his arms and shoulders rippled with each repetition. His back glistened from the sweat of his hard work. Bragnae’s heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of him. The strength he possessed made her insides ache. Seeing him now reminded her of the few times his strong hands held her, picked her up, and touched her. She wanted more, but it wasn’t right. Not now. Not ever.

And suddenly she was mad again. Mad that she couldn’t have him. Mad that he waited so long to tell her. Mad that he conflicted her already unstable emotions when he confessed his feelings. Before she could think better of it, she opened the door and stepped inside the gym.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drake set the weights back down, and squirted water into his mouth before wiping his face with a towel. The melodic tunes of American Classic Rock blared in his ears, helping to motivate his work out. He shook his arms out as he rested in between sets. He’d move up to the fifty pounders next.

As he turned back to the weights, he was startled to see Bragnae walk into his view. Why is she here? For only a moment, he froze up, not sure what to do, but then logic set in. He slowly removed his ear buds, one at a time, and gently tossed the cord over his shoulder.

He continued to stare at her, not wanting to speak first. Not after what happened earlier. Plus, it gave him time to catch his breath, both from the work out and his surprise.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she told him, crossing her arms over her chest.

Drake felt guilty. He knew why. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Well, you should be.” Her tone had taken an unexpected direction, and now the softness of her amber eyes burned with ferocity. It had been a very different reaction from what he witnessed from her earlier.

She’s mad at me? He scoffed. “What? Look, Bennett, I know it was a dick move to surprise you with this information, but I do not regret it. I needed to tell you. No matter your response, you had to know.”

“Drake, I was happy!” Her elevated voice stunned him, but he stood resolute as she continued. “After we made love in Vegas, you kept pushing me away. I knew then it was never going to happen with us. I made peace with that. So, I pushed the thought of you out of my mind, and focused on the other man that I love.”

He heard her emphasis, and his heart swelled at the thought of her loving him – actually loving him. The concept was unfathomable.

“I love him, Drake. I wouldn’t have said ‘yes’ to him if I didn’t.” And just like that, her words cut him deep. Now he had to put up his walls again, so he didn’t get hurt anymore.

“So, what? Did you just come in here to rub that in my face? If you did, you can leave. I’ve already been tormented enough seeing you two together.” He turned away towards the weights, hoping she’d take the hint to go before his heart shattered into a million pieces.

“And whose fault is that?!” She screamed at him.

Drake rounded on her, snapping his attention back to her livid face. Even with her as mad as she was, he still wanted to kiss her. “Mine! I fucking said that earlier!” He fumed, staring down at her. With almost a foot of height over her, she had to tilt her head back just to look at him.

“I need you to hear me right now.” Her voice leveled out again. “I’m in love with you, Drake Walker. And if you would have acted on what you wanted instead of trying not to hurt your best friend, I’d be with you right now. I was prepared to hurt Liam’s feelings because you were worth it.”

She was right. Everything she just said, as hard as it was to hear, was true. He hated himself.

Bragnae lowered her gaze, shaking her head. “And now it’s too late.” She looked back up at him, her eyes glossy. “I’m married to a wonderful man who tells me he loves me every day. I’m the Queen of Cordonia. I just can’t erase that. No matter how much I might want to.”

They looked at each other for another moment, letting the words sink in. This can’t be how it ends. She obviously had feelings for him, and desired him still. If his lack of action before was what kept him from being with her, then he wasn’t going to make that mistake twice.

As Bragnae started to walk away, Drake grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. She protested at first, feeling rigid in his arms, but after another second, she melted against him. Her hands ran across his swollen biceps as she pressed her full lips into him.

She felt amazing in his arms, and even better was her kiss. He could feel the love pouring out of her, and the little moan she released told him she was enjoying the moment as much as he was.

Suddenly, he felt the pressure of her hands pushing against him, and the protests returned. He let go of her as she took a few steps back. Both of them breathing heavily, staring at each other. He waited for her to say something or rush out the door, but she didn’t. She just kept looking at him with hunger in her eyes. And he really wanted to finish that kiss.

He took a step forward, so did she, and soon their lips were locked again in a heated kiss. Their bodies pressed together so tightly, it’d take a crowbar to pry them apart.

Drake wanted her. That much he knew. And he also knew he’d do whatever it took to have her. Against his own desires, he tore himself way from her, gripping both of her arms as he looked into her eyes. He needed her full attention.

“You can still be the queen, and be with me if that’s what you want. If I can’t have you completely to myself, I’ll share you with the king. If that’s what it takes to be with you, then so be it. I need you, Bragnae. I can’t live without you.”

Her eyes fixed on his as she contemplated his suggestion. Even he was surprised by it, but he was past the point of caring. His morals were shot the second he agreed to have the fling with her in Vegas, regardless of Liam’s approval. And now, he was offering himself to her as someone she could fuck on the side of her marriage.

“I’ve got to go,” she finally said, taking another moment to look at him before she gently pushed herself out of his grasp.

Drake watched her leave the gym, as guilt and pain reentered his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Bragnae stood on her toes to kiss Liam by the front entrance. He would be traveling to Lythikos, and wouldn’t return until tomorrow. Whether that was a good or bad thing, she didn’t yet know. With Liam away, she could have time to sort through her thoughts, to find out what she truly wanted. But with him gone, she was afraid that would present a convenient opportunity to explore Drake’s proposal.

“I won’t be gone long, my love. Just an overnighter, and I’ll be back in your arms tomorrow.” He smiled down at her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

“I’ll miss you.” She pulled him in for another kiss.

His hand slid down to her curvy tush, giving it a hearty squeeze. “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll call you when I land.” Liam gave another kiss. “Goodbye, my queen. Have fun today.”

She smiled at him as Liam walked out the double doors to his limousine. Heaving a sigh, she turned around to head back to her room. As she walked out of the foyer, she saw Drake standing with his shoulder leaned up against the wall, looking at her. She stopped in her tracks.

Even though he stood several feet away from her, she could see the longing in his expression. She felt it too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He stared at her not moving a muscle. Everything had been laid out on the table. Now, they knew how each of them felt about each other, and Drake had told her he was okay with being the other man. Still not completely proud of his proposition, he was more than willing to move forward despite it. She was worth the risk and everything else involved.

Bragnae reached around her neck and unclasped her pearl necklace, balling it in her left hand. Curious about her peculiar behavior, he watched as she ascended the stairs, dragging the pearls over the polished banister keeping her eyes down and in his direction. His gaze followed her as she reached the top of the stairs, and turned right down a hallway. Before she walked out of sight, she looked right at him, and that’s when he knew.

Drake waited a minute. He pulled out his phone, and pretended to engage with it in case anyone was watching before casually walking up the red carpet-lined stairs. He nonchalantly looked down both hallways before following Bragnae’s trail. With many closed rooms before him, they all looked alike, but only one had a set of glossy pearls hanging from the doorknob.

#trr #trr choices #trr choices fanfic #trr liam #trr drake #the royal romance #the royal romance drake #the royal romance liam #the royal romance fanfic #drake x mc #liam x mc #king liam #drake x bragnae #liam x bragnae #drake walker #bragnae bennett #TRR Forbidden Fanfic #Queen of cordonia #very steamy fanfic

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jodiwalker · 6 years ago

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TATBT Recommends: 'The Haunting of Hill House,' AKA, Spooky 'Parenthood'

"Ghosts can be a lot of things: a memory, a daydream... but most times they're just what we want to see."

**This article originally appeared in the TATBT newsletter. No spoilers beyond the first episode!**

Steven Crain uses these words to undermine the idea of "real" ghosts in the earliest moments of this ghost story, immediately establishing himself as The Haunting of Hill House’s skeptical audience surrogate (although I trust that we are all much less of a drag than Steve, while simultaneously being just as hot as him).

Series creator Mike Flanagan then spends the next 10 episodes proving to us and to Steven, in the most frightening ways possible, that just because the ghosts of Hill House can be explained doesn't make them any less real — and no amount of logical explanation can rid Steven or his family of the ghosts that bind them together. Trauma is not logic-bound, and neither are the scars it leaves behind.

The Haunting of Hill House dropped on Netflix a week ago, and while I knew it would be an extremely loose adaptation of Shirley Jackson's fearsome 1959 gothic horror novel of the same name, I surely could not have guessed that the malleable nature of that adaptation would turn this haunted house story into what I've been referring to as...Spooky Parenthood.

And that’s a compliment. Prepare yourself for a gushing recommendation,; although I do discourage you from watching Hill House with the lights off, a full bladder, or in the near vicinity of anything that casts a shadow. The list of things that made me do a double-take, followed by a full 20-second stare down to see if they moved again include: the shadow of a sink faucet, every open door in my house, and the reflection of my own face in the TV when I finally turned Hill House off.

The Haunting of Hill House follows the Crain family at two different points in their lives: the summer when they briefly lived in a gorgeous, super haunted Victorian manor that was "born bad," and then 26 years later when a great tragedy forces them to reckon with the ways in which that house never left them, no matter how long ago they left it. The nonlinear nature of this family story might lend itself more glaringly to a This Is Us comparison, but the thing is...I'm the one making said comparison, and I think Parenthood is a far superior family drama to This Is Us.

And The Haunting of Hill House is, indeed, an excellent family drama. Who knew?! I love a good scare, especially around Halloween, so I set into Hill House expecting to do a little doom, make a little ghost, get scared tonight. All those things happened, but I also found myself crying repeatedly — a reaction to entertainment I both cherish and live in fear of. The cleverness of this series is that Flanagan understands that horror can be doubly horrifying when its rooted in care.

After getting to know the Crain family, you don't just want these people not to be tormented by ghosts because ghosts are the worst; you don't want them not to be tormented by ghosts because you care for them, in that same complicated way they care for each other in the midst of their own grief and tragedy.

The scares of Hill House aren’t just frightening...they’re sad. And surely there is nothing more frightening than despair. So the question remains: can you enjoy watching a series that asks you to repeatedly bare your second-hand soul in a sea of self-reflective human tears?

Parenthood and The Haunting of Hill House say yes you can, and you will probably love it all the more precisely because of that emotional connection.

With style and empathy, Hill House coaxes viewers into caring for a family who turn away from their shared trauma and mental health at every turn. It makes you care for them so hard, you won't even give up on them when those turns so often reveal floating men in bowler hats and long-haired ladies with disturbing 90-degree angles in their necks.

Because of that time spent cowering under beds and around corners with the terrorized younger Crains, you understand why older Luke would turn to drugs; why Shirley would build up walls so steep no one can get in; why Theo would give so much to her work and so little to herself; why Nell would find the allure of her mother's own mysterious demise irresistible in the wake of numbing personal tragedy; and why Steve...

Well, Steve is just kind of sanctimonious and rude, but he's an eldest child with a superiority complex, and when building a family drama, it's important to depict accurate family dynamics. We need look no further than Adam and Kristina Braverman to know that just because someone is annoying doesn't mean they're not bringing a necessary ingredient to the familial table.

Sorry oldest children. — signed, ME, an endlessly lovable youngest child; a more reliable Crosby, if you will.

Of course, the youngest child in this scenario is Nell, a touch on the unreliable side because at only 6-years-old when her parents moved her to Hill House, she and her twin Luke were most vulnerable the spectral happenings within. A child cannot use logic or happenstance to explain away what's right in front of them — they can only see what's there. It's no surprise that being told what’s right in front of you is actually all in your head could leave psychological scars so lasting they'd lead grown-up Nell to...

Well, you’ll see.

If you don't like horror or earnestness, there's a good chance you won't like The Haunting of Hill House. But if you like even one of those things, this weird hybrid of a series might just sway you into liking the other. To call it "fun" would not exactly be correct on account of all the oppressive grief and sorrow and whatnot. But it thrills in that way only a truly spooky story can, and the family at its center is so thoroughly engaging.

Undoubtedly, life is a far more difficult journey for the Crains than it was for the Bravermans, but I am here to tell you, the healing that awaits them at the end of this battle is worth the fights and frights, if you’re willing to take the trip with them.

Oh that's right — this show is scary as hell and it gets a (mostly) happy ending. A few other helpful things to know going in:

THE CASTING

I've said repeatedly that Flanagan takes his time establishing empathy for the Crain family through recognizable sibling dynamics, and familial grief and devotion, but there is one thing he employs that establishes connection immediately...

The Crains are all smokin’ gorgeous, starting with their parents played by Henry Thomas in a pair of spooky-but-whatever-I'm-into-it blue contacts and Carla Gugino who has been maybe the most beautiful woman in the world for like 20 years running. The woman does not age, she just spawns cute little versions of herself who grow up to be beautiful, haunted adult iterations of herself. And the only thing I like more than a group of unreasonably hot characters...

Is the perfect casting of miniature versions of those characters. Seriously, I know y'all like This Is Us, but eat your fucking heart out Mandy Moore's painted-on wrinkles. The kids in that show are cute and they bear a passing resemblance to their adult counterparts, sure, but look at this:

Elizabeth Reaser (grown-up Shirley) and Lulu Wilson (l'il Shirley and also Camille's ghost sister in Sharp Objects) look...exactly alike??? It is wild. And it just goes on from there...

I've hardly even mentioned Theo, the coolest Crain sibling by far, played by the impossibly gorgeous Kate Siegel in full-size, and by the most prolific child actor of her generation, McKenna Grace, in fun-size.

I have mentioned Steve, but it's worth noting that much of his insufferable adult characteristics are assuaged by the fact that his younger self (Paxton Singleton) is a highly endearing little preteen nugget, and his older self is played by hot ass Michiel Huisman pretending to be a nerd by always carrying around a pair of lucite-framed glasses, but never actually wearing them.

And, oh the twins; these poor, poor twins who have just the most adorable faces, you can almost understand how a ghost would want to get all up in there for a squeeze. Given all these Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Actor magic tricks, it could only be intentional that tiny bespectacled Luke (Julian Hilliard who must have Jacob Tremblay absolutely shaking) grows up to be Oliver Jackson-Cohen who could legitimately play Captain America post-experiment.

The camera spends a lot of its 10-hour run time zoomed-in on the face of little Nelly (Violet McCraw), so it's a delight every time you're struck once more by how much grown-up Nell (Victoria Pedretti) looks exactly like an enlarged version of her child self...even if every zoom of grown-up Nell is not a delight in and of itself.

That’s from the first episode! It’s not a spoiler, really! You’ll just have to watch!

IT'S THE SUMMER OF 1992

The Mall of America is opening, Ross Perot thinks he should run for President, and the Crain family have just moved to Hill House with intentions of flipping it to make enough money for their "forever home." It's difficult to immediately tell what time period the Crains are in when they move into Hill House because Olivia, the warm but occasionally possessed Crain mother is prone to swanning around the drafty mansion in velvet robes and wedges.

So, sometimes you might feel like it's 1970, but knowing from the beginning that it's 1992 could be helpful to your viewing experience.

The present-day timeline is 26 years later, and this will make it all the more curious as to why they brought in Timothy Hutton to play a 26-years-later Henry Thomas when Timothy Hutton is only 10 years older than Henry Thomas, but...should I just show you the young-and-old Shirley comparison again, and what say we forget all about this misstep??

THIS IS EPISODIC TELEVISION

The first five episodes of Hill House are building blocks, each one told from a different Crain sibling's perspective. I don't normally like to say this because it can make a viewer hyper-aware of their own viewing experience, but you gotta stay vigilant when there are ghouls peeking out from every dark corner anyway, so here goes: Just give it a few episodes! You might not find yourself enthralled in the first one or two, but the build is so enjoyable along the way. Y'know, if you find secondhand suffering and personal terror enjoyable (I doooo).

And once you make it to episode 5 — Nell's episode — you might not shake it for days. I certainly would not recommend watching it right before bedtime or in any sort of rush. I can think of few other entertainment experiences so suspenseful and conclusive; so terrifying and moving all at once.

And that emotional climax makes the perfect entry point to the marathon that is episode 6, which plays out like a stage production in only five continuous shots, the longest one running 17 minutes straight.

youtube

And this is where I warn you that some people who have loved the series have not loved the final episode. I am not one of those people because I'm sappy as hell and I love a perfectly tied ribbon around an oozing, molding, rotten, terror-wrapped package.

No, the emotion-heavy resolution of Hill House is not subtle, but family resolutions rarely are. They take time, and work, and they cannot be passive. Deep wounds — cuts that have been kept open for a lifetime — must be healed with intention. The ghosts that have haunted the Crain family for decades haven't disappeared by the time the final credits roll, but acknowledging that they were ever there in the first place is comfort enough.

Get more recaps, recommendations, and rundowns from the These Are the Best Things newsletter -- your one-stop shop for pop culture!

#the haunting of hill house #haunting of hill house #theo crain #luke crain #nell crain #shirley crain #steve crain #hill house

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heycoffeeatmidnight · 7 years ago

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Taylor checks the time on her watch. It’s 7:05pm. She’s in her hotel room nervously waiting for Karlie when the doorbell rings. Taylor opens the door and sees Karlie together with her security.

“Hi Karlie!” Taylor says a little too loudly, not being able to hide the excitement in her voice.

“Hi Taylor.”

They hug awkwardly.

“Do you need anything else from me, Miss Swift?” Her security asks.

“No, I’m good. Thanks Greg.”

“You’re welcome, Ms. Swift.” Security leaves.

“Sorry I’m late.” Karlie says apologetically as she enters the room.

“No problem.” Taylor says closing the door behind her.

They stand face to face. Karlie’s gaze unconsciously briefly veers away from Taylor’s eyes and towards the blue sequined dress that the singer is wearing. Taylor looks stunningly beautiful.

“I love your dress. It brings out the blue in your eyes.” Karlie says, struck by her beauty.

“Thank you.” Taylor responds.

She thinks of returning the compliment but is surprised to see Karlie dressed so casually. Karlie realizes this and suddenly feels awkward knowing how underdressed she is for the occasion, only donning a white tee inside her black leather jacket with dark jeans and white sneakers.

“This isn’t exactly what I was planning to wear.” Karlie says trying to defend her choice of clothing. She doesn’t want Taylor to think that she didn’t make an effort on her appearance tonight.

“Tree called and thought I might attract unwanted attention if I dolled up, you know? So she suggested that I dress down a bit. That’s why I’m late. I had to change last minute.” Karlie says giving out a small laugh at the recollection of her conversation with Tree earlier that night.

“Did she really ask you to change?” Taylor asks with a look of disbelief.

“Yes.” Karlie says.

“Oh my god, she’s crazy! You didn’t have to... I’m so sorry.” Taylor says feeling embarrassed.

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t think it was a bad idea at all. But now I’m sort of regretting it since I look really shitty next to you.” Karlie says with a laugh.

“Well, you look gorgeous still.” Taylor says and immediately realizes she probably shouldn’t have uttered those words. A rosy blush flushes her cheeks.

“Thanks.” Karlie says, blushing a little herself.

“Do you want to take off your jacket?” Taylor asks.

“Yeah.” Karlie says and starts taking off her leather jacket.

“Let me hang that for you.” Taylor offers. Karlie hands it to her.

“So are the kitties around?” Karlie asks, scanning the room for any signs of Meredith and Olivia.

“No. Um, I left them at home actually. They’ve been traveling a lot these past couple of weeks. It’s very stressful for them to travel.” Taylor explains.

“Aww, I was hoping I’d see them today.”

“Well, too bad for you, you’re stuck with me.” Taylor says.

“Well, that’s not so bad.” Karlie says and catches Taylor’s eyes. They stare a second too long. Long enough for them to feel some tension build up.

“Um, I hope you’re super hungry ‘cause I asked the hotel chef to cook something for us.” Taylor says trying to change the topic and disengaging from Karlie’s stare.

“You didn’t have to.”

“Well, we can’t really go outside so it’s the least thing I can do.” Taylor says. “Come on, let's have dinner. I’m starving.”

“Okay.” Karlie says smiling.

****

Karlie and Taylor sit across the table from each other.

“So are your parents in London with you?” Karlie asks.

“Yeah, they’re here. You know what? I actually have no idea where they are right now.” Taylor says, giving out a nervous laugh. That’s not exactly true. She asks Tree to attend to them while she’s with Karlie.

“Do they know I’m coming?”

“No, I didn’t tell them.” Taylor says.

Taylor suddenly feels guilty of this fact. She hates keeping secrets from her parents, especially from her mom. Karlie thinks for a second whether to ask about Joe. She’s curious to know whether he’s also in town with her.

I probably shouldn’t.

“So who’s looking after Meredith and Dibbles?” Karlie asks instead.

“Austin. I asked him to babysit.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and he’s cool with it.” Taylor says.

“That’s very nice of him.”

“Well, let’s just say he wasn’t really given much of a choice so...” They both laugh.

“By the way, he told me you guys have been in touch.” Taylor says.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“So what have you been talking about?” Taylor asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

“You know, just catching up on things... We talk mostly about you.” Karlie says.

“Me?” Taylor says.

“Yes you. What else are we going to talk about?” Karlie laughs. “No, I’m kidding.”

“You’re crazy!” Taylor says. Karlie flashes a big smile on her face. Taylor then realizes how she misses her smile.

“Food is great.” Karlie says.

“Well, I’m glad you like it.”

“I miss your cooking though. I’ll take your cooking over this any time, any day.” Karlie says.

“Well, I should probably tell you that this guy is actually a Michelin star chef.” Taylor says.

“I don’t care. Yours is my favorite.” Karlie says happily.

“Liar!” Taylor says smiling. “But I’ll take it.” Karlie smiles back. They lock eyes for a moment. Taylor is first to look away. She takes a sip of her wine. There’s something about Karlie’s stare that makes her extremely vulnerable.

She needs to stop looking at me like that. Taylor thinks to herself.

“So I heard you’re with Josh. Does he know you’re here?” Taylor asks without looking at Karlie.

“Yeah, he knows. I told him.”

Karlie is glad that Taylor brought up Josh since that gives her an opportunity to ask about Joe.

“Hey, um, by the way, that guy, uh, Joe...is he in London, too?” Karlie asks nervously.

Taylor is a bit surprised that Karlie would even consider asking about Joe.

“Yes, he’s here.” Taylor says.

“Oh.” Karlie is disappointed but not surprised.

There’s an awkward silence.

“So, what’s he like?” Karlie asks, still not letting go of the subject.

“He’s alright, I guess.” Taylor says.

“Just alright?”

A smile forms on Taylor’s lips. For some reason, she finds the conversation amusing.

“Karlie, do you really want to talk about Joe?” Taylor asks.

“No.”

“I thought so.” Taylor says.

“Do you want to talk about Joe?” Karlie asks.

“God, no.” Taylor quickly responds.

“Well, that’s good to know.” Karlie says, grinning.

“Am I sensing jealousy here?” Taylor asks.

“Me? Jealous? No! Of course not.” Karlie says defensively.

“Okay, if you say so.” Taylor says.

“Should I be jealous?” Karlie asks.

Taylor puts her cutlery down and looks at Karlie in the eye.“Don’t make me say it.” She tells Karlie.

“Say what?”

“Karlie, I practically wrote a whole album about you, okay? You shouldn’t feel jealous of anyone. Much less of some guy I barely know. There I said it.”

Karlie looks at Taylor smiling. “Ah, so the rumor is true. The album is indeed about me.”

“Don’t play dumb, Karlie. Of course, it’s about you. Who do you think those songs are about?” Taylor says before drinking her wine. Feeling nervous all of a sudden.

Karlie continues to look at her, smiling from ear to ear. Of course she knows the album is about her. But it’s nice to hear Taylor actually confirms it.

“Stop smiling, Karlie! Don’t flatter yourself too much.” Taylor says, feeling extremely self-conscious.

“I didn’t say anything.” Karlie says unable to wipe the smile off her face.

***

After dinner. Taylor and Karlie are sitting next to each on the couch, few inches apart. Both holding a glass of red wine.

“Taylor?”

“Mhm?”

“I think we need to talk... about us.” Karlie says, her tone is serious. This makes Taylor nervous.

“I know.” Taylor responds, almost in a whisper.

“We just can’t pretend like nothing happened.” Karlie says, looking at her glass of wine.

“I know. You’re right... You’re right.” Taylor says. She knows there’s no point avoiding this conversation any longer and that they have to address their situation eventually.

“So what do you want to happen? Tell me.” Taylor says.

Karlie puts down her glass on the side table and looks at Taylor.

“I just want what we used to have. Look, I know it’s not going to be easy. I’m not naïve. But I really think we can make it work again. These past few months have been the worst. I’ve been miserable, Taylor. People don’t know. They don’t know... Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely grateful for everything that’s happening in my life, all the opportunities. I’m happy with my job, with my career. I love what I do.”

Karlie then looks away from Taylor’s gaze, closing her eyes as she speaks. “But there are nights when I’m all alone in my room and I’d wake up in the middle of the night in sobs, and I’d stay awake the whole night just thinking about you and wanting to be with you. I’ve been blaming myself for what happened between us. I feel like I should have done more... It hasn’t been easy.”

Taylor did not expect Karlie to pour her heart out like this. She never imagined their time apart would have this much impact on Karlie as it did on her. She feels heartbroken and sorry for causing her this much pain. She looks at Karlie and suddenly feels the need to touch her face but hesitates. Karlie then opens her eyes and looks straight at Taylor with a tender expression on her face, “I just want us back.”

She gently puts her hand on Taylor’s knee. They’ve been apart for so long that even this slightest of touch gives Taylor goosebumps all over body.

“I want you back, Taylor.” Karlie says.

They look at each other lovingly. Their hearts beating fast.

“Karlie, I...I don’t know what to say.” Taylor says softly.

“Then don’t.” Karlie says before leaning forward to kiss Taylor on the lips. Taylor is flustered but immediately returns Karlie’s kisses. Taylor drops the glass that she’s holding, spilling the red wine on the white carpet.

“Shit! I’m sorry!” Karlie says.

“That’s okay. I’ll pay for it.” Taylor says and grabs Karlie’s face with both of her hands, pulling her closer. Wild passion overcomes both of them. They kiss aggressively. Karlie gently pushes Taylor down on the couch so she’s now lying on her back. Their bodies pressing against one another. Karlie runs her tongue along Taylor’s lower lip before kissing her again on the mouth. Taylor lets out a soft moan. She grabs the back of Karlie’s shirt and tries to pull it off over her head. Karlie stops kissing Taylor, smiles at her and finishes pulling off her shirt. Karlie lifts Taylor’s hair to gain access to her neck, kissing her there with an open mouth. She caresses Taylor’s back with her hands and tries to unzip her dress. She fidgets with her zip for a few seconds, finally managing to unzip it all the way and take the dress off.

“I miss you so much.” Karlie tells her. Taylor moans with every kiss. Their fingers intertwined. They are both sweating despite the cool temperature in the room. Taylor nibbles on Karlie’s ear, sending chills all over her body.

“You love it when I do that.” Taylor whispers in her ear, drawing Karlie even closer. Taylor, realizing Karlie still has her jeans on, tries to take it off. Karlie lets her this time and throwing it on the floor after. They kiss each again furiously and their bodies begin to move. Without breaking their kiss, Karlie slides a hand inside Taylor’s panties. Taylor gasps.

“Karlie!” Taylor says unable to contain herself.

“God, I want you so bad.” Karlie tells her.

The doorbell rings. They continue to kiss. The doorbell rings again and is followed by a woman’s voice.

“Taylor? Honey, it’s me.” the voice says.

They both freeze and stop kissing.

“Fuck!” Taylor says.

“Is that your mom?” Karlie asks.

“Yes! Damn it, Tree! You have one job!” Taylor says in frustration as she tries to sit up.

“Taylor?” Andrea calls again.

“Yes, mom. I’m coming!”

“You were coming.” Karlie says with a naughty smile on her face.

“Stop it, Karlie. Not a good time for a joke.” Taylor says grabbing her dress from the floor.

“Relax.”

“Has your mom ever walked in on you making out with another woman?”

“No.”

“Well, then don’t tell me to relax. Put your damn clothes on! Wait, hide in the bathroom.” Taylor tells Karlie.

“For real?” Karlie asks, unsure whether Taylor is being serious or not.

“Yes, for real!” Taylor says as she puts on her dress.

“What are we, like 16?”

“Karlie! Come on, hurry up!”

“Okay, okay.” Karlie says.

“Mom, just give me a sec.” Taylor says, panicking.

Karlie picks up her shirt and jeans on the floor, and starts heading towards the bathroom.

“Karlie, wait.” Taylor says. Karlie turns around and sees Taylor running towards her. Taylor cups Karlie’s cheeks with her hands to plant a quick kiss on her lips.

“That’s sweet.” Karlie says, smiling.

“Okay, get in there.” Taylor says, smiling back.

“Babe, you’ve got lipstick stain on the side of your mouth.” Karlie says trying to remove it with her thumb.

“Shit!”

“I’m sure you have a few on your neck, too.” Karlie says, giving her a wink.

“Ugh! Just get in the bathroom now.” Taylor tells her, rolling her eyes.

Taylor looks at herself in the mirror. Her hair is all messed up. She uses her fingers as a comb to rake through any knots and uses the cloth napkin to remove the stain on her mouth.

She finally opens the door.

“I’m sorry mom! I was..um... in the bathroom.” Taylor says, stepping to the side to let her mom into the room.

“That’s okay, honey.” Andrea looks at her daughter and notices her disheveled hair and rumpled dress.

“Are you planning to go out? You’re all dressed up.”

“No, mom, um, I mean, yes but I changed my mind.” Taylor says struggling to come up with an excuse.

“Your dad and I are downstairs at the bar. Would you like to join us? I sent you a message but you didn’t respond.”

“You did? Sorry I haven’t checked my phone. Um, do you mind if I just stay here mom? I’m a little tired from the soundcheck earlier. I just really want to rest, if that’s okay.”

“Of course, honey. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes...just a little tired.”

Andrea looks around the room and her eyes zoom in on the wine glass and the red stain on the carpet.

“Oh, shit!” Taylor says under her breath.

Andrea walks further around and sees the dining table, which has not been cleared.

“Honey do you have company?” Andrea asks her daughter.

“No!” Taylor says.

Her mom looks at her. Taylor knows she’s been caught and she has no choice but to fess up.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Taylor?” Andrea asks.

Taylor sighs. “Mom...Don’t get mad, okay?… Karlie’s here.” She finally says.

“You mean in London or in your room?”

“Here, mom. In my room.” Taylor says, feeling embarrassed.

“Okay. Well, that explains it.” Andrea says.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.”

“That’s okay, honey. You’re telling me now.”

Karlie has been listening in on their conversation and thinks it would be rude of her to not even say hello to Andrea. She decides to come out of the bathroom so Taylor doesn’t have to deal with the embarrassment alone.

“Hi Andrea.” Karlie says, flustered and red-faced.

Fuck. This is a disaster. Taylor thinks to herself.

“Oh, there you are. Hello Karlie! I haven’t seen you in a while.” Andrea says.

“I know. How are you?”

“A bit surprised at the moment but I’m doing well, Karlie. Thank you. How are you?”.

“I’m doing good. Thanks.” Karlie says.

“Well, I’ll leave you two now. And sorry if I disturb anything.”

“You didn’t disturb anything, mom.” Taylor says. “I was going to tell you. Not like this. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, honey. You don’t have to explain. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll just tell your dad you’re resting. Have a good night.” Andrea says.

“Goodnight mom.” Taylor says giving her mom a hug.

“Goodnight Karlie.” Andrea says reaching out to Karlie to give her a hug.

“Goodnight Andrea. So nice to see you.” Karlie says.

“Bye mom.” Taylor says softly before closing the door.

“Hey, are you okay?” Karlie asks, seeing Taylor is visibly upset.

“I hate doing this to her.” Taylor says as she sinks on the couch.

“Doing what?”

“Keeping secrets from my mom. I feel awful.”

“I’m sorry.” Karlie says.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

Karlie sits beside her. Taylor rests her head on Karlie’s shoulder. They both quietly stare at the wine stained carpet.

“That’s a really expensive carpet.” Karlie says.

“Yeah, it is.” Taylor agrees.

Karlie grabs Taylor’s hand, their fingers interlocked.

“What are we doing, Karlie?” Taylor asks.

“I don’t know.” Karlie says softly.

They stay at that same position for a few moments. Not saying anything.

“Karlie.” Taylor finally says.

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I can give you what you want... I’m sorry.” Taylor says, her head still on Karlie’s shoulder.

Karlie stays motionless, unable to immediately respond. What she’s feeling right now doesn’t’ line up with the delirious feeling she experienced with Taylor just moments earlier. Now she feels as if her heart is sinking and she’s about to cry.

(Note: I wish I could write more often but I’ve been so busy lately. Let me know what you think of this one! Thank you all for reading my blog! I appreciate you all!)

#kaylor #taylorswift #karliekloss #taylor #swift #karlie #kloss #taylor swift #karlie kloss #fanfic #fiction #reputation #klossy #ilovemymoms

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rebeccaheyman · 4 years ago

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reading + listening 9.29.20

It was another week of soaring highs and middling mediocrity, but fortunately no DNFs. Notably, I’ve been dragging my heels on PIRANESI by Susanna Clarke, which has been sitting on my desk in gorgeous hard cover since release day. You ever want to love a book so much that you’re afraid to actually read it? No, no, me neither. Here’s hoping I get brave this week. In the meantime...

It’s Been a Pleasure, Noni Blake (Claire Christian), eBook ARC (US pub date February 2021). I loved this book so much that I’m already looking forward to owning the aBook once it’s available, just so I can relive the magic in a new way. Here’s my five-star NetGalley review:

I have discovered the antidote to the unmitigated disaster that is the year 2020, and it is IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE, NONI BLAKE. I inhaled this book in under 24 hours and feel soul-satisfied in a way I forgot existed. NONI BLAKE is a rom-com that's so much more than a rom-com; it's as much a character study as LESS and as much a travelogue as WILD, with the sweetness of Mhairi MacFarlane, the delicious heat of Sally Thorne, and the humor of every best friend you've ever gotten drunk with. It is, in a word, perfect.

When I say this book has it all, I am not kidding. In it, you will find: - an average-bodied woman finding sexual empowerment and body positivity - a Scottish book boyfriend for whom you do not need to travel through time - healthy adult friendships - A+ Bechdel Test score - adventurous, consensual sex that is at times hilarious and at other times really, really hot - situational comedy that will legitimately make you laugh out loud - adults who talk openly about their feelings in an authentic, mature way - portrayals of grief that range in severity from mourning the loss of an unborn child to coming to terms with years of self-criticism and negativity - rich, descriptive prose that does not drag down pacing - excellent plotting, perfectly balanced with the protagonist's complex internal journey

...the list goes on. This book is joy exemplified. I can't wait to give it to every woman I know. My only complaint is that the world needs this book immediately to inoculate us against the tidal wave of awfulness bombarding the globe, and yet it won't be released until 2021.

Notably, Australian readers have access to NONI BLAKE as of... today (!), so if you happen to be reading this in Australia, please do yourself a favor and buy this book immediately. And if there’s someone you especially like elsewhere in the world, maybe box up a copy and spread the love.

Act Your Age, Eve Brown (Talia Hibbert), eBook ARC (pub date March 2021). I know, I know -- how many contemporary romcoms with the exact same title structure can I read in a single week? Real answer: 2. But based on how fabulous both these titles were, I’m open to more. Here’s my four-star NetGalley review:

I've decided it's entirely impossible to read the Brown Sisters series without feeling amazing. Hibbert's writing is so smart, funny, and full of A+ banter -- not to mention scorching-hot heat -- that it almost feels like we don't deserve her books' nuances, diverse representations, and patriarchy-shaking feminism.

But we do deserve it, actually, and it's all there in ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN.

If at first Eve seems flighty and difficult to connect with, don't discount the intentionality of her characterization. In a tidy narrative trick, Hibbert gives us the very experience that defines many of Eve's friendships: while the youngest Brown sister may have made a great first impression in Chloe and Dani's books, her flightiness feels off-putting once she takes center stage. But sticking with Eve -- instead of pushing her to the margins of our two-person social circle -- has a massive pay-off, as she soon reveals herself to be intensely focused on helping others, spreading joy, and baking delicious cake. It's a side of Eve too many of her "friends" never get to see -- but Reader, we do. And it turns out, Eve is a wonder.

Many of Eve's quirks align with behaviors on the autism spectrum; while Jacob's autistic presentation is perhaps more conventional, Eve's traits are equally validated by Hibbert's sensitive, nuanced treatment of the disorder. Romance + autism usually means antisocial behaviors, rigidity, and/or Asperger's-like presentation (The Kiss Quotient/Bride Test, The Girl He Used to Know, The Rosie Project... the list goes on). But ACT YOUR AGE explores the all important "spectrum" side of "autism spectrum disorder," and urges us to resist believing we understand what these labels mean just because we understand one small aspect of a very large picture.

All of this happens while a truly compelling, heart-melting romance unfolds. Eve and Jacob are incredibly fun to watch, and Hibbert keeps things moving at a lovely clip. I especially appreciated her resistance to the "h/h have to spend totally unnecessary time apart after an argument/misunderstanding" trope in Act III, which is a convention I would happily see go the way of the dinosaur.

Fair warning to your TBR pile: If you don't reread Chloe and Dani's books prior to picking up ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN, you're going to want to afterward. There's simply no other way to maintain the rosy glow of post-Hibbert reading.

Finally, I'm predicting here and now that Mont, Alex and Tess are the next sibling trio to get the Hibbert treatment. (Please? Like...PLEASE please?)

Set My Heart to Five (Simon Stephenson), aBook (narr. Christopher Ragland, Rachael Louise Miller, Lance C. Fuller). If you combined the signature humor/love combo of David Nicholls, the deeply felt nostalgia of Ready Player One, and the bots-with-feelings hypothesis of Spielburg’s AI, you might come close to understanding what makes SET MY HEART TO FIVE so good. In the year 2054, the world has taken some unexpected turns: humans have accidentally locked themselves out of the internet, Elon Musk blew up the moon (also accidentally), and humanoid bots have been integrated into society as second-class pseudo-citizens. We meet Jared -- bot, dentist, cat-owner -- who has begun to experience curious malfunctions. With a friend’s help, and a heaping dose of old movies, Jared realizes he can feel real emotions. He resolves to journey west to Hollywood, where he’ll write a movie that changes the way humans view bots and paves the way for his bot brothers and sisters to enjoy the full range of human experience.

Jared’s explanations of human behavior provide a satirical commentary on our curious, often contradictory behaviors (”Humans. I cannot!”). Since films from the pre-bot age figure so prominently in Jared’s emotional awakening, that same satirical analysis is applied to movie synopses, which are rendered with necessary frequency but occasionally feel like overkill. The book relies heavily on a lovely trick of narrative reciprocity; Jared is on an archetypal hero’s journey, even as he strives to write a formulaic screenplay according to the “golden rules” of the fictitious script expert, R.P. McWilliams. But SET MY HEART TO FIVE never feels hackneyed, and in more than one way proves the rule that great stories are all in the telling.

With the innocence and clarity that can only come from being something of a stranger in a strange land, Jared embraces his existence with infectious enthusiasm and charm. It’s virtually impossible not to cheer for his success, even as we’re warned again and again that a great story will “eff us in the heart” at its conclusion. Audio is brilliantly narrated by Christopher Ragland, who manages to imbue the bot cadence we expect with believable nuance and big style.

Well Played (Jen DeLuca), aBook (narr. Brittany Pressley). I’ve got bad news for fans of WELL MET: If you wondered whether your enjoyment of Deluca’s ren-faire romcom debut of 2019 was due in large part to the book’s setting -- and more specifically, the way h/h’s interactions at the faire advanced the storyline -- the answer is yes. And why is that bad news, you ask? Well, because WELL PLAYED has none of the crackling Emily/Simon tension that carried the first book through its narrative stumbles. In book 2, the glacially slow Act I relies heavily on Stacy’s recitation of what makes her life humdrum, and a long series of email exchanges we *know* are coming from the conspicuously introduced Daniel -- even though Stacy, apparently suffering a traumatic brain injury, convinces herself it’s idiot playboy (and Daniel’s cousin) Dex. Sorry not sorry for the “spoiler,” which is impossible not to see coming from many miles away. Once this pseudo-conflict is resolved, the book boils down to situational fluff: a wedding, a squeaky mattress, the literal number of pumpkin spice lattes Stacy drinks over the course of a month. If it sounds like this is not a plot, that’s because it isn’t. The romance is low-stakes, the “uncrossable divide” that eventually separates h/h is the width and depth of a puddle, and the last third of the book is pretty much solely devoted to setting up a Mitch/April romance in book 3.

Notably, I found references to Stacy’s body-consciousness extremely strange. If we want to normalize average-sized women in romance, maybe we do that by not including, apropos of literally nothing, how “unflattering” woman-on-top sexual positions are?! Stacy is not characterized by self-consciousness, so the moments when her interiority veers toward self-criticism don’t feel necessary. I’m not saying these aren’t authentic thoughts and feelings plenty of women have, but an editor should have pushed DeLuca to answer the question to what end? Why include body hyperawareness in the precise moments when it appears? Like too much of the prose in WELL PLAYED, these inclusions felt like word-count boosting instead of dynamic character development or plot production. Sad as I am to say it, this book was a missed opportunity that shows the danger of rushing book 2 to market.

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics (Olivia Waite), aBook (narr. Morag Sims). This book has been on my radar since its publication last summer. Gorgeous cover aside, I’m always here for diverse historical romance. Sadly, for me, the external stakes here were simply too low, and relied overmuch on the baffling revelation that men -- especially in this historical moment -- underestimate and undermine women. I never felt discernible chemistry between Lucy and Catherine. This could be due, in part, to Morag Sims’ narration, which pitches Catherine’s voice in a low, husky range that accentuated the women’s age difference. From the outset, we learn that Catherine is the widow of one of Lucy’s father’s colleagues; while Lucy is the more sexually forward woman in this partnership, there’s something a little An Education about the whole arrangement.

On my radar this week:

Piranesi (Susanna Clarke)

A Deadly Education aBook (Naomi Novik)

We Can Only Save Ourselves ARC (Alison Wisdom)

Angel in a Devil’s Arms (Julie Anne Long)

The Project ARC (Courtney Summers)

The Love Square ARC (Laura Jane Williams)

#book review #ebooks #audiobooks #amreading #the lady's guide to celestial mechanics #well played #act your age eve brown #it's been a pleasure noni blake #set my heart to five

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