#yes they were both in 19 but they never crossed paths

[mountainofhistory]

"Kanako-sama, the new beach is already bringing in people I've never seen before! This is definitely going to be a huge success for Moriya Shrine!"

[threeletterslife]

34 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity

⨰ wordcount: 8.9k

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⧖⧗Many, Many Circas Ago⧗⧖

His name was Jungkook. No one knew his last name. No one even knew where he came from; they said the 19-year-old showed up one day in the 12th city, eager to work with ragged clothes and hopeful doe eyes that they simply couldn’t refuse. 

He was shy, didn’t speak much but did good work as a varlet. His job mostly consisted of setting up the duels for the cadets and cleaning up after them in the barracks, but somehow you’d never crossed paths before. Hajin did say he was fairly new when you asked her about the mysterious doe-eyed boy wandering around the training grounds.

“Yeah, a recent hire, I think,” she said, then crinkled her eyebrows. “Why? Do you like him?” she said with a lilt to her voice that implied that she was teasing you.

“N-No!” you sputtered, feeling your face heating up. “Just curious.”

The curiosity continued for days as you began seeing him everywhere.

You saw him as you entered the training grounds at the crack of dawn, wiping the wooden dummies clean. You saw him as you began running your laps around the field, tending to the orchard, picking himself an apple when he thought no one was looking. You saw him diligently serving lunch, which usually consisted of some combination of meat, bread, and corn. You even saw him setting up an arena for a duel once. You were only passing by, but you made eye contact then, and both of you paused to stare before you looked away and headed off in the opposite direction, your cheeks growing too hot for your liking. 

It was only the last day of Circa Opal—the trees were nearly bare and the winds were chillier than ever—when he approached you. You were wrapping a black scarf around your neck, picking up a few of your belongings to head over to the castle for the night when you saw him. You froze, your fingers hovering around the warm wool around your neck as you stared at him. His face was backlit by the setting sun, and he was glowing once more. Your breath hitched as he approached closer.

“Hi,” he said.

It was the most breathtaking thing anyone had ever spoken to you.

“Hi,” you replied, though you didn’t know how you were getting any words out.

“I…” He fidgeted with his hands. “I’ve seen you around.”

“Yes… Um, so have I.”

There was an awkward bit of silence.

“I’m sorry.” “Do you want to walk around in the orchard?”

The two of you spoke simultaneously and the result was a jumbled mess of words. Embarrassed, you began tugging at the scarf around your neck, cheeks heating up.

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, eyes wide with surprise.

“I um… Well, I uh, last time, I bumped into you,” you managed to reply rather sheepishly. “Surely, that warrants another apology.”

Jungkook smiled, and it was the most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen. “It was my fault too,” he said. “No need to apologize.” He was fidgeting with his hands again as he glanced back towards the orchard. “So, um… About the…”

“About the…?” You blinked cluelessly. “Sorry… I-I um, I don’t think I heard you the first time.”

His cheeks blushed a rosy pink. “Do you… Would you want to walk around in the orchard?”

Oh.

Oh!

“Y-Yes!” you said, though it came out a lot more eager than you expected. But the truth was, you really were that eager to get to know him. There was something so comfortable about him. Something so familiar, though you swore you never met him before. And you were glad, so glad that he somehow felt the same—or it seemed so, at least. Perhaps this was what fate felt like, the same fate that was often described in your old bedtime stories. 

You were never really much of a talker, but with him, you weren’t able to shut up. You couldn’t help it. He was such an intent listener, his soft gaze never leaving yours, him hanging onto your every word. As the moonlight drenched the orchards, leaving every surface bathed in dim light, you told him everything—things you never thought you’d ever tell another person.

You told him about your parents, that even though they lived in the 12th city with you, you barely ever saw them. You told him about Donghoon, who you still thought about from time to time, wondering if he was doing all right on his own, if he still despised you. You told him about Joonhee and his valiance—that he trusted that his comrades would carry on his legacy even if he died on the battlefield. Then, you told him that sometimes, you wondered if Joonhee was still alive and well. You hoped he was, for he was largely the reason you were here today. You even told him about Instructor Shin and her guiding light of a letter to you, which pulled you out of the deep end. Finally, you indulged him with your adventures with Hajin, though you left out the bits about the underground tunnels, which were to always be yours and Hajin’s little secret.

Jungkook sat and listened to it all, nodding his head and staring at you intently the entire time. When you were finally finished giving him the spiel of your life story, the two of you stared up at the sky in silence as the grass underneath tickled your legs. It was a rather cloudy night, which was why the moonlight was so dim, but it was still beautiful nonetheless. 

“It’s admirable,” he said, quietly. “The way you lived your life so far.” His voice was as silver as the moon in the sky, as delicate as the wispy clouds, too. He always spoke in such a hushed voice, and it made you want to listen more intently than ever. As if his voice was the only music left in the whole world.

You felt your face heating up again. You hadn’t realized how much you talked—you’d given him your whole life story! An unfortunate croak left your lips when you attempted to respond. “Sorry,” you said, clearing your throat in embarrassment and wrapping the scarf tighter around your neck. You looked down at your shoes. “I didn’t mean to talk your ears off.”

He shook his head. “You didn’t. I enjoyed listening.”

Your face was burning now. “Um, but what about you?”

“What about me?” he asked, cocking his head.

“I mean, how did you end up here?—if you don’t mind answering,” you said.

“Mm…” He sighed, looking up at the sky once more. He was deep in thought, eyes glazed over, lips slightly parted. Then, he blinked, and his soft doe eyes were suddenly filled with fervent passion. “I’m trying to make a name for myself,” he said. “Thought the best way to do it would be here.”

He was short and sweet with his response, which you didn’t really mind. You had a feeling that he was a rather private individual, which you usually were too, though today had just been an anomaly for you. And part of this, this pull to this boy you had was because he was so enigmatic. Perhaps one day you could learn his life story.

“You know, you’re very talented,” the boy spoke, looking over at you. “I heard about your showcase that got you into the program. You know, turning a metal spoon into gold. I heard the General himself visited you to recruit you.”

“O-Oh,” you said, a little startled that he knew about that. “Y-Yeah… That was a few years ago. Three, in fact.” You fidgeted, always feeling a little awkward when others complimented you. “The General was the Lieutenant, then.”

“Ah. But how did you learn how to do that?” he asked, eyes wide with curiosity. “Turn something into gold?”

“I taught myself,” you answered, but that sounded a little boastful, so you added in haste, “though I had the resources to do so. I used to attend Botswana.”

He looked confused.

“It’s just some academy,” you clarified.

“Ah…” was his response.

“Why?” you asked. “Do you want to learn?”

His eyes lit up. “Yes. All things magic interest me.”

So you did the next most natural thing, which was to offer to teach him all that you knew. Mostly, it was an excuse to spend more time with him, and perhaps he asked to spend more time with you. But no, there was a hidden flame in his eyes, one that burned brightly behind those wide, innocent doe eyes. It was a look of pure determination to learn. You admired that.

The two of you didn’t leave the training grounds until the sun was peeking up above the horizon, bathing the land in its warm light. There was so much to talk about, now that you finally met each other as it felt like fate had planned. And though you didn’t get any sleep, you weren’t tired, simply exhilarated. 

It was only several hours later, after you parted ways, while you were doing your morning exercises, that you realized the two of you never exchanged your names. But it didn’t really matter because somehow, you knew he was Jungkook and he knew you as the excellent alchemist, though those were his words, not yours. He probably knew your name too; it was plastered at the very top of the large ranking board and often whispered by the entire squadron of cadets, anyway.

Every night, you met with Jungkook at the training grounds. It was cold now that it was Circa Citrine, but the weather never deterred either of you. You taught him everything you knew about alchemy, which was a lot more than you realized. He was a quick learner, taking up new skills as if he’d practiced them for years.

“You’re a natural!” you complimented him.

He shrugged. “I’m not.” Then, he casually size-shifted a pebble into a sizable rock and heaved it at the target. It landed with a satisfying thump! straight at the center, just like the last several times. His movement caused his birthstone to slip from his pocket again, but before it hit the ground, he caught it with one hand. He turned to you, slightly frustrated with himself as he often got during training. “I’m a natural divinist, that’s what I am.” He sighed. “Damn jewel,” he said, before shoving the sapphire back into his pocket. 

“Well, I think your birthstone is very pretty,” you said, trying to make him feel better, but it was also the truth. “And you’ve been doing really well! Size-shifting is infinitely more difficult than color-shifting and you’re great at it. You’re learning this much faster than I ever have.”

“You think?” He cocked his head curiously. “But I can’t do it like you. I tried thinking in steps like you taught me. I tried thinking that pebbles never existed and that all pebbles were really larger rocks, but it just didn’t make sense in my head. I couldn’t get myself to believe it. Only when I get a little frustrated or a little excited is my magic effective. I’ve been thinking about throwing that pebble so hard it would be out of sight in seconds.” He frowned. “That’s the only way that I can make it size-shift. I’d do anything to have a diamond like you do.”

“But your birthstone doesn’t dictate what type of magic you’re innately good at, Jungkook,” you tried to soothe him. “It doesn’t even dictate the branch of magic you tend to gravitate towards. There’s nothing wrong with practicing light magic,” you said. “It’s preferred in the army, anyway.”

“Mm…” He still looked unsure. “I never knew any of that stuff. The stuff about the birthstone not dictating the type or branch of magic we’re good at. Where did you learn that?”

“At Botswana,” you said, sheepishly. “They teach you the theory of magic there. Amongst many other things.”

“Sounds valuable.” A pause. “So why did you leave?”

“Um…” You looked away. “I guess I wanted to do something more for Darlae.”

“For Darlae?” 

“Yes, for my nation.”

“Ah…” He sounded a little perplexed but he didn’t press further.

You suddenly felt a little embarrassed, wondering if your reason didn’t come off as genuine as you hoped it would.

As if he could read your mind, Jungkook shook his head. “No need to be embarrassed,” he said, giving you a gentle smile. He didn’t need to say his next words because you gleaned them anyway: It’s admirable. You’re admirable.

Thank you, you told him wordlessly.

He smiled wider in response.

Sometimes, it was a lot easier to have these wordless conversations with Jungkook. It became sort of a little secret language, though it wasn’t really a language. You would exchange small glances and looks and somehow, the other would be able to translate. Silence became your comfort. You never had anything like this with another person. No one else ever understood you well enough to speak inside your mind, but he did. When you were with him, it was almost like seeing a reflection of yourself, only better.

He was everything that you weren’t.

What took you years of practice to learn, he caught on in less than a week. In a few circas, he had nearly mastered permanent color-shifting and size-shifting. He had essentially crammed the entirety of Botswana’s alchemy content in three circas—when traditionally, it would’ve taken four years. Now, he was trying his hand at masking, learning it at the speed of which you didn’t know was humanly possible.

What took you hours to understand, he understood the first time he read over it. You didn’t think that he would actually enjoy some of the strategy and logic books that General Son assigned you to read every week, but he did. Some of the text General Son asked you to read was unnecessarily verbose, filled with run-on sentences that perhaps no one but the author could discern. And when Jungkook first asked if he could read a few of these books, you warned him so. He admittedly was disgruntled by the long-winded ways of the logic and philosophy books, but he always understood the content—better than you ever could. Sometimes, he advised you on your assignments.

By that point, you couldn’t help but put in a good word about him to the General. 

“There’s this varlet boy I know, sir.”

“Hm?” The General said, looking up from his battle plans. “Is that so, cadet?”

“Yes, sir. I’ve been… Well, I’ve been overseeing his alchemy, and sir, he’s truthfully phenomenal.”

“Phenomenal?” General Son raised his eyebrows. 

“Yes, sir. He’s a quick learner. Specializes in divination, but has a knack for alchemy too. He has a knack for light magic, really. He learns skills more easily than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s also a quite talented strategist. I admit that he has been looking over a few of my assignments.”

General Son had no visible reaction. “A varlet boy, you say?”

You nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“What’s his name?”

“Jungkook, sir.”

“His surname too, cadet.”

“He… He doesn’t have one.”

“Why is that?”

“He doesn’t know who his parents are.”

General Son didn’t miss a beat. “And you say that his boy is phenomenal?” 

“Yes, sir. He grasped masking in a few weeks. He has this thirst to learn and become better. I’ve never seen someone so ambitious I think—if you would allow him, sir—he would be a great cadet and even greater strategist.”

“And he has had no prior alchemy training before meeting you, cadet?”

“Yes, sir.”

Silence.

There were often moments of stillness when you and General Son “discussed.” When you had first become acquainted with him, you were under the impression that these extended periods of silence were a bad thing. But the more time you spent with General Son, the more you realized that this was how he calculated his next moves and how he strategized his future steps. He needed absolute silence to think—as if he were alone with his thoughts—and you always admired his ability to block out the whole world to do what he needed to do.

“I’d like to meet him.”

Your head shot up as you stared at General Son with wide eyes. “Really, sir?”

“Send him over. I’d like to discuss a few things with him before I decide if he deserves to be let into my army.” 

Promptly a week later, Jungkook moved into one of the cadets’ barracks and began his new life as a soldier-in-training. Then, two circas after that, his name was right under yours on the ranking board. Cadets began wondering who the hell he was, popping out of nowhere like that and dominating the squadron’s ranks. You sometimes wondered that too. He was just so unbelievably perfect. 

Hajin, of course, had a few things to say about your increasing involvement with the young prodigy. “Ew!” she would always tease you after you got back to the castle late from your nightly training with him. “Don’t leave me for him, now! Remember? We’ll march into our first battle together. You promised!”

“I’d never leave you, Hajin!” you’d reply, and that was the truth. “I’d never even dream of breaking that promise.”

You truly wouldn’t, but you also didn’t want to leave Jungkook, either. So, you supported him in every way that you could, giving him alchemy pointers, watching all of his duels and cheering him on. He became the most formidable dueler in the entire squadron in just a few circas; everyone knew a match against him would mean an instant loss. He was quick and rather skilled at masking; plus, he wasn’t afraid of cuts and bruises as you were. What’s more, he always seemed as if he were ten steps ahead, somehow being able to predict his opponent’s movements. 

Jungkook was forever grateful to you for helping him become more than a varlet boy, and he did what he could to repay you, though you always insisted he didn’t need to. He watched all of your duels—plus Hajin’s—and gave you the quiet reassurance you needed from time to time. He didn’t have much, but if he found something that reminded him of you in the mini-markets of the 8th city, he’d come back with a little gift for you. He also had a knack for knowing when you were in a self-doubting spiral and always managed to cheer you up by taking you on a night walk around the orchard. 

After a while, Hajin didn’t make a face every time you mentioned Jungkook’s name, and Jungkook wasn’t so terrified by the princess’ presence. Still, they liked to play a never-ending game of fighting for your attention, which on the contrary, made you uncomfortable yet amused them. 

By the time you were 18, the three of you hung out nearly every day. On the off days that you reserved to visit the castle libraries, Hajin conveniently never felt well, so Jungkook was your only company. You and he would sit there for hours, reading book after book after book. He loved telling you about the new historical events and war tactics he learned about, and you loved retelling the fairytales you became newly enlightened with. This exchange of information would always last until Hajin barged in—looking perfectly healthy, mind you—demanding that the two of you quit your book marathon for dinner. 

But most days, and usually past midnight, you and Jungkook huddled in the castle libraries, swathed by the piles and piles of assignments General Son gave the two of you for the week. Sometimes, though rarely, he asked for essays. You were never satisfied with what you came up with; ironically, when you wrote, you were as verbose as the philosophy books you found confusing. Jungkook, on the other hand, delivered perfect, efficient essays with flowing paragraphs and impenetrable arguments. 

It was obvious that General Son was pleased with his new protégé, though he didn’t outwardly show it. He pushed Jungkook just as hard as he had pushed you, and Jungkook responded to it faster and better than you ever had. He never took any of General Son’s criticisms personally, and he never paused to doubt himself and his abilities. Even when the General threw a curveball that had you breaking out in nervous sweat, Jungkook barely reacted.

You remember once when you and he walked into General Son’s study, where the brooding man was already waiting at his desk and simply pointed to an open scroll, which had instructions scrawled upon it. He ordered, “You have five minutes.”

Your stomach dropped at his curt instructions, and you glanced nervously at Jungkook, your hands already flying up to play with your necklace. But Jungkook was already staring intently at the scroll, reading its contents with that look on his face that told you he was so focused he’d blocked out all external stimuli. You chewed on your lip, frowning, trying to focus too, your eyes desperately scanning over the words on the paper.

You are surrounded by enemy forces that outnumber your defenders. Food and supplies are running critically low, and your soldiers are exhausted. The enemy is offering you a chance to surrender with safe passage for your troops. What is the optimal strategy that will buy time, boost morale, and maintain your army’s capabilities?

It was a war strategy question, one that strayed a bit from the standard tactical assessments, but you would expect nothing less from General Son. You only had five minutes to come up with something that he would deem optimal. A rare test. Failing wasn’t an option.

Frantically, you thought about different approaches, the pros, the cons. You began weighing possibilities in your head, searching for the one that was the closest to ideal. You tried to remember a few of your assigned readings, attempting to garner inspiration from those texts. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, and you could physically feel the time ticking close to zero. Sweat began accumulating on your forehead, and you broke your focus momentarily to wipe it away with the back of your hand. You still had around ninety seconds left. So you pushed yourself, biting down on your lip to focus on your thoughts. You began compartmentalizing your ideas with the speed of light—no doubt with help from the adrenaline. And in the last, agonizingly short thirty seconds, you rehearsed what you wanted to say over and over again.

When the five minutes were up, the General stood and splayed his hands on his desk. “Y/N,” he called, which made you nearly leap in fear. “Your strategy?”

Your hands were shaking, and your mind was threatening to go blank. You weren’t sure why you were so nervous; a wrong answer surely wasn’t going to make General Son kick you out of the lesson, but it might change his opinion of you, and that possibility terrified you. But the man was waiting for an answer. And keeping him waiting seemed worse than giving him a subpar response. So, you gritted your teeth and took a deep breath. 

“My strategy, sir,” you began, trying to still your shaking hands, “would be to begin negotiations with the enemy, entertaining their offer for us to surrender. However, I would purposefully elongate these negotiations, not exactly settling for an agreement but not quite rejecting their offer either, in order to buy time for my soldiers. I would hope that any amount of time will help them rest, ration the remaining food, heal the injured, and count and redistribute supplies. In that time, I would use a combination of the siege disguise and false flank tactics to confuse the enemy about our remaining stretch to give the illusion of a larger force. These methods will mask our ulterior motive for the prolonged negotiation as the enemy will be led to believe that our forces are much stronger than they had expected. Once I reach a favorable deal in the negotiation, I would take my soldiers and retreat gracefully.” It was a miracle you’d spoken so much without stuttering once. “My ultimate goal would be to have no more casualties.” It was like you were a completely different person. Your voice was clear, loud and confident, and you didn’t hesitate or blubber once. You didn’t know you had it in you, and your own eyes widened at your smooth delivery. 

I’m proud of you, Jungkook seemed to say. He nodded approvingly. It was as if he knew the mental turmoil you’d gone through to get to your response. You smiled at him nervously.

General Son, on the other hand, gave no reaction. “And you, Jungkook?”

Jungkook didn’t even hesitate. “I would not take their offer to surrender,” he said, which made your eyes widen even more. “The enemy’s promise of ‘safe passage’ is not guaranteed, and they have no reason to honor their end of the deal—not when they have the upper hand. However, I would agree with Y/N to drag on negotiations to keep them distracted, but for a slightly different means of distraction.

“While the negotiations are in session, I would organize hit-and-run raids on the outskirts of the enemy encampment. The raid will force our enemies to disperse their forces and slow down their advances, which will buy us more time to prepare an attack. I would strategically leak information to the enemy, making it seem like our defenses are crumbling, especially after such a last-ditch effort as a raid. I want to make them think that we are close to surrendering. This could potentially lead to the enemy underestimating our resolve and delaying their full-scale assault. Then, I would prepare my soldiers to attack. Surrendering is never an option; I would never lose my strategic position or bargain for power. When enemy morale is low and they are heavily distracted, I would lead the charge against them myself.”

“Hm…” General Son said. “Quite unorthodox, don’t you think?”

“You’ve led many ploys like this yourself, sir,” Jungkook replied. “It may be unorthodox, but it is unoriginal.”

General Son raised his eyebrows. “That is true, yes, I have led battles like this. But the prompt tells you that your soldiers are exhausted. Do you expect them to perform well on these raids when they are starving and fatigued?”

“Yes and no,” Jungkook said. “If they perform well, the enemy will be much more distracted due to their instinctive need for damage control. If they do not, it will be easier for the enemy to buy the idea that our forces are on the verge of surrendering.”

“Hm. And the casualties?”

“There is no war without casualties, sir,” Jungkook said. “If I had ordered a retreat and the enemy had ambushed us instead, we would be unprepared and therefore decimated entirely. It is better to attack first when we have had a hand at controlling the situation.”

“Perhaps, but the enemy could have kept their word.”

“I do not trust them to,” Jungkook replied. “Sir, if there is one thing I learned from reading thousands and thousands of battle plans and strategy sheets, it is that we never trust the enemy. Even if they come to us limping, bloodied and bruised, we should never show mercy.”

You nervously played with the necklace around your neck as you took in Jungkook’s words. 

“Do you not agree, Y/N?” General Son asked.

“It’s… Well… I…” You stared at your feet. 

It’s okay, Jungkook said wordlessly. He gave you an encouraging look. Disagree if you want.

The reassurance from him was all you needed.

“But what if the enemy offered us safe passage because they were dealing with internal escalations?” you said. “I define optimal as having the least amount of casualties while maintaining dignity and momentum for the next battle. If… if we were to attack, with fewer soldiers and depleted supplies, then I’m not sure if that would boost morale at all. Soldiers need time away from the battlefield to be able to rest fully. Perhaps it is a… safer idea to surrender with grace and give these soldiers a guarantee to see another day.”

“But what if the enemy offered safe passage knowing we would take the bait? I wouldn’t want to risk it,” Jungkook said. “Optimal in a war means victory. And it will always mean victory.”

General Son cleared his throat. “The word optimal will always mean whatever the current General wants it to mean.”

That left the question: What did ‘optimal’ mean to General Son? He didn’t elaborate upon his response, and something told you that he wanted you to figure it out yourself.

“Ahem,” General Son cleared his throat as if to change the topic. “And before I forget, lessons will be held twice a week from now on. The extra lesson will be done individually.”

Jungkook, without fail, waited for you outside of General Son’s study every Sunday after your private lesson. He would always be a little tired and sweaty from combat training but would always greet you with a smile on his face and a small loaf of bread he lifted from the royal kitchen. While you munched on the bread, the two of you would discuss war strategies all the way to one of the castle libraries, where you would start on General Son’s assignments together.

Sometimes, Hajin would tag along just so she could spend some time with you. But half an hour in, she always declared boredom and marched right out of the library, in search of an adventure. 

Most nights, you and Jungkook studied in silence in the grand castle libraries, often until dawn broke the dark sky and the yellow streams of morning light filtered in through the mosaic glass windows. It was these nighttime reading sessions where you and Jungkook found out about monocode. There was an entire collection of books about it, which Jungkook had quite literally stumbled upon after he’d dropped his birthstone again and had gone looking for it on all fours. The monocode books had been hidden on the very bottom of a shelf in the corner of one of the smaller castle libraries. They were so old that cobwebs feathered with dust linked the collection of books together.

When the two of you began reading these books, both of you became completely enraptured. Monocode was an archaic way of communication that consisted of binary sounds that would make up letters of the alphabet; one could speak without necessarily speaking. It was as if the language was made just for the two of you. 

Tap. Tap tap. Tap tap tap tap. 

You looked up to see Jungkook tapping his fingers on the page of his open book. He was smiling at you. Tap tap tap. Tap? Tap tap! Tap tap tap tap? he repeated. You smiled back, nudging Jungkook’s foot underneath the table as you looked down again at your book.

Tap tap tap tap, you responded, lightly tapping your quill against the ink bottle’s rim. Tap tap tap… Tap, tap tap!

Jungkook snorted, closing his book and standing up. He outstretched his hand, motioning you to follow. You’re right. Hajin’s going to start looking for us any minute now, he seemed to say.

You stood up as well, pushing in your chair and gathering up your scrolls. Of course, you smiled. It’s nearly dinnertime.

Well, I hope they serve roast duck tonight. Isn’t that your favorite?

Something fluttered in your stomach as the two of you walked side by side, out of the grandeur library and into an equally grandeur hallway.

You know me so well.

And Jungkook did know you very well. He knew you so well that he always seemed to know what you were thinking. It was fascinating how easily he was able to answer questions that had never left your lips but had steeped in your mind. And it was endearing how much he tried to help you understand him on the same level as he did for you. 

It was one of those nightly walks around the orchards when Jungkook finally told you about his past. He spent most of his childhood in the 3rd city, begging vendors for underpaid odd jobs and sleeping outside under the wooden stalls, hidden by the table cloths. He ate sparingly, only when he could afford it, which wasn’t often. And when he was desperate, he resorted to stealing. He wasn’t proud of it—more ashamed, really. 

“If I stole, I tried to steal from the vendors who were better off,” he said, “though it doesn’t justify what I did.”

“You did it to survive,” you consoled him, but it didn’t really seem like he needed it. He told the tale with a straight face, not a lick of emotion on his countenance. “Did anyone ever try to help?”

Jungkook shook his head. “No.”

“I’m sorry…” you said. “That must’ve felt horrible.”

“I got used to it,” he replied nonchalantly. “I always wanted to be in the army, though. I dreamed of it ever since I saw soldiers marching down the streets of the markets, on their way to the 1st city.”

“Really?” you asked, eyes widening. “What about them fascinated you?”

“They were very orderly,” Jungkook said. “I liked how they were marching in formation; you know, perfect straight lines, shoulder-to-shoulder… To me, it looked like every single person in that line had a purpose. I think I even caught a glimpse of the General once, the old one, not General Son. He was wearing the same uniform as everyone else, not a single embellishment to indicate his status, but it was the way he walked, Y/N. His chest was out, his head was held up high, and he was leading that whole brigade. I guess in that moment, I realized that I wanted to be like that.”

“A leader?” you asked.

“Not necessarily,” Jungkook said. He was silent for a moment, brows furrowing as he gathered his thoughts. “I want to become the best version of myself,” he finally said. “I want to be someone who exudes so much confidence that I don’t need embellishments to show how great I am. I know I have potential. I feel like I’ve always known. I just had no means of getting there. If my greatest self is someone who can command hundreds of thousands of people, then that’s fine too.”

It was your turn to call him admirable. Jungkook only shrugged.

“I do things for myself,” he said. “You, on the other hand,” he nudged you playfully, “want to make a difference in the world. It’s objectively more altruistic.”

“That’s true,” you said, “but in doing so, I’m also working hard to become the best version of myself. And I believe your best self is someone who can make a difference.”

Jungkook hummed in deep thought. “Different goals, same journey,” he said. “I like that.”

“I like it too,” you said. “And I’m really sorry,” you added. “That you weren’t shown kindness when you needed it.”

“It’s all right,” Jungkook answered. “I still made it here myself, didn’t I?” He shrugged. “Sometimes, I still can’t believe I’m here. Here, on the castle grounds. When I became a varlet, I thought it would be an uphill battle to convince someone to let me into the training program. I didn’t know who to ask, if I could even ask…” He trailed off, staring up into the cloudy night sky. “I can’t believe I go to bed with a full stomach,” he said. “I can’t believe I even have a bed. And I can’t believe that people here know my name.

“It feels like a dream,” he whispered, eyes glossy and voice softer than usual. “I’m a cadet now. And one day, I’m going to be a soldier. A hell of a good one too, considering how much shit we’re cramming a week with General Son.”

You smiled. “Well, I believe you have the makings to become the General,” you told him, and it wasn’t just to make him feel better; you believed it too. “One day, I hope I can boast that I was the one who taught the Darlaean General alchemy!

He smiled at you, and his eyes said it all.

Thank you for believing in me. No, thank you for everything.

Your heart nearly stopped when Jungkook reached over, his fingers lightly grazing yours, before they intertwined with yours perfectly. His hand was calloused and cold, but his touch burned. In fact, your entire body felt like it was burning.

This wasn’t the shy, fidgety boy you bumped into last Circa Opal. Or perhaps this was who he always was—someone who was confident, ambitious, and charismatic in his own way. Perhaps he never had the chance to grow into it before he entered the 12th city. Perhaps he was truly himself now. There were too many speculations, which you didn’t mind, for you always thought in questions and maybes. But there was also one striking certainty when it came to Jungkook: the way he made you feel.

Jungkook…

Mm…?

You looked away. Now, your heart was beating too fast. It felt like it was threatening to burst from your chest.

Tap tap tap. His fingers lightly drummed on top of your hand in monocode. He was asking if this was okay.

Of course it was! You stared at him wide-eyed and nodded a little too hard. Your cheeks heated in embarrassment, but Jungkook seemed to like your enthusiasm.

Well, then, he seemed to say. Let’s continue our walk, shall we?

And so hand in hand, you and Jungkook wandered deeper into the orchard, where the moonlight grew dimmer and dimmer, filtered from the dense leaves of the trees. But the further you walked, the lighter you felt, and soon, it felt like you were floating. It was such a strange feeling, one that you hadn’t exactly experienced before.

Only he could make you feel so lightheaded that the usual traffic of thoughts in your head came to a halt. In fact, the only thing you could think of at that moment was him. He and how he made you feel like you were soaring in the air like an incandescent phoenix.

Nearly a year after you first met him, Jungkook confessed his feelings for you. It was the 28th day of Circa Peridot, just four days before his 20th birthday. The night was warm with a slight, gentle breeze and the moonlight streamed down over the tops of the trees in the orchards. 

He stood before you, doe eyes staring fondly into your surprised ones. When he reached out to hold your hand gently in his, your heart nearly leaped out of your chest. You missed the feeling of your hand in his. You could feel yourself drifting in the air again.

Your lips parted, but no sound came out.

Jungkook…

Yes?

His stare was gentle, and his unspoken words were somehow gentler. Then, he was softly tapping on your hand with the pad of his thumb.

Your eyes widened as you translated the monocode in your head. 

He only smiled in response.

It was ever since I met you in Circa Opal, Y/N, he continued, slowly, but not hesitantly.

You, on the other hand, hesitated, fingers hovering over his hand. Ever since we met? you tapped.

Yes, he responded. You inspire me, and you helped me turn my life around. It took me 19 years, but I’m finally getting somewhere. Thank you for seeing potential in me. I’m forever indebted to you. He paused, staring deeply into your eyes. His intense eye contact almost made you want to look away in shyness, but you couldn’t. Your heart was beating faster and faster in your chest. You’re the kindest person I’ve met in my life. No one else has ever cared as much as you have.

You forgot how to breathe.

He only smiled his angelic smile.

You make hours feel like seconds, he tapped, gently, enunciating every word. You make me want to care about you. You make me want to be better. When he saw your frozen face, a crease line settled on his forehead. Am I being too forward? A blush rose on his cheeks. The shyness you haven’t seen in a while was back.

“N-No!” you said, breaking the silence. Then, realizing how loud you had been, you ducked your head down. I’m just… You hesitated. I’m just so happy.

Jungkook broke out in a larger grin. If I tell you that I want to be with you, would it make you happier?

The shyness had melted away again, replaced by his usual confidence; it made you feel weak in the knees. No, he made you feel weak in the knees.

And that night, that night when Jungkook confessed to you and told you he wanted to be with you and you said it back—though you could barely remember because you were so nervous you were seeing white—you couldn’t sleep. From midnight to the break of dawn, your heart refused to steady, beating rapidly in your chest hours after it had even happened. But it didn’t matter that you didn’t get a wink of sleep. Not when the entire time you were awake, it felt like you were in the most wondrous dream.

Hajin would not let you hear the end of it when she found out that you and Jungkook were officially together.

“A part of me’s thinking, ‘finally!!’ but another part of me wants to sock him in the face.”

“Hajin!!”

“It’s a love-hate relationship,” she snorted. “Jungkook understands. I give him so much shit, but he takes it. Also, he kind of has to because I have the authority to govern him!” She had a wicked smile on her face. “I’m just joking, Y/N!” She laughed boisterously, slapping her knees when she saw the horrified look on your face. “But seriously, if he ever hurts you, I’ll banish him out of the nation!”

You just patted Hajin’s shoulder, laughing. “Oh, Hajin. He wouldn’t do that.”

“You’re right,” Hajin sighed. “You think he’s so perfect.”

“And what if he is?”

Hajin just rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Come on, let’s throw him that stupid birthday party.”

It was Jungkook’s 20th birthday, which fell just a few days after he had confessed to you in the moonlight. Miraculously, it had been Hajin’s idea to host a small party for him in her chambers.

You presented him with your gift first, which was a beautiful silver sword you saw him eyeing the last time you visited the 3rd city together. There was an empty socket at the edge of the handle—where his birthstone would go.

“A trinket,” you said, shyly handing over the rather heavy gift to him. “So you won’t drop your birthstone around anymore.” You paused, eyes darting across his features to discern his reaction. “I hope you like it.” 

He could only stare at you, eyes wide, unable to speak. 

Hajin just snorted. “Come on, Jungkook! Just say something! You’re leaving us all in suspense!”

“Right. Sorry,” he said, blinking rapidly as if he couldn’t believe what was in front of him. “I wasn’t expecting a gift, Y/N… Not even a party.” He glanced at the small feast Hajin had the royal chefs put together. “Thank you,” he said, clutching the sword close to him. His voice had gone soft again, blending in with the slight breeze that wafted in through the princess’ window. “I’ll cherish it always.”

“Damn right, you will!” Hajin laughed. “You don’t even know how much Y/N would worry about you losing your birthstone. I don’t know how you’ve existed for 20 years now without having lost it!” She grinned. “But I suppose I’m happy for you. That new trinket of yours should come in handy when you go off to the 1st city to fight in a year.”

Jungkook turned to Hajin, a small smile playing on his lips. “Do you want me to leave that badly?”

“Well, it’s frankly annoying that you get to graduate before us,” Hajin huffed. “But you make my best friend happy so that’s that. Plus, you’re not too shabby of a cadet, either. Anyways, I have a present for you too, you know.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows. “I’m surprised.”

Hajin rolled her eyes. “Well, don’t be. My present to you is giving you my blessing for dating my best friend,” she declared, crossing her arms over her chest and looking quite serious.

You laughed. “Hajin!”

“I’ll take it,” Jungkook said. “Thanks.”

He was still shaken by your gift, staring in awe at his silver sword and running his fingers down the shining blade. You watched him as he took out his birthstone from his pocket and carefully slotted it into the socket at the edge of the handle. 

“It’s perfect,” you told him. “Like the sword was made to hold your birthstone.”

“Yeah even I have to admit it suits you,” Hajin said, nudging Jungkook with a grin on her face. “And here,” she said. “I picked this up for you when Y/N was looking for your perfect trinket.”

Jungkook took the thick book she handed to him, cocking his head. He turned it over, meticulously taking in the silver binding and the violet leather cover, running his hands over it before flipping to the first page. “Tales of the Blackwoods,” he read. “You’re not trying to convince me to explore the Blackwoods with you, are you, Hajin?”

“Well, I will in the future, but this is just so you can brush up on Darlae’s fairytales,” she said with a grin. “You see, your girlfriend’s quite a fan if you haven’t noticed. So I suggest that you read up on Guseul’s Hill to win her favor. That’s her favorite.” When she saw Jungkook’s stoic face, she burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding! I know you don’t believe in fairytales. You can keep the book though because I won’t read it either. Hmph!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought it was a funny joke, but you never laugh! Fine. Here’s your real present.” She handed him a black leather sword belt while avoiding eye contact. “A practical accessory. It’s a little boring for a present, but you’re a bor—I mean, a practical person, so I thought you’d like it.”

Jungkook smiled. “So you got me three gifts, then?”

“Oh, shut up,” Hajin sighed. “Just take them.”

“I think you’re warming up to me,” he replied. She shoved him lightly in response.

You laughed, sitting back on Hajin’s bed listening to their banter. Though both Jungkook and Hajin kept up a hard front, you could tell that they also cared about each other quite a lot. At least, you knew how much Jungkook wanted that blessing from Hajin, and you knew how long it took Hajin to pick out the perfect present for him. They had a strange way of showing it, but they did like each other, which was all the more reason to spend more time together.

True to her word, Hajin begged and begged you and Jungkook to explore the Blackwoods with her. When neither of you relented, she decided to wander off alone, and she would have succeeded in her lifelong dream of exploring the forest if you and Jungkook hadn’t caught her and dragged her back to her room. You had to sit down with your best friend and remind her of the terrible things that happened to the wanderers who dared to enter the Blackwoods. 

“But what if I can fight off what’s in there? What if we can fight them off?” Hajin countered. “Come on! No one’s been in there for decades! What if it’s safer now? I’m dying to know if it’s true—that cave in Guseul’s Hill.”

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief, not even bothering to interfere anymore.

“Hajin… It’s just… The risk—er, risks—are too high. Maybe… I dunno, maybe we shouldn’t get so distracted? Don’t you want to live to see the day you graduate and move to the 1st city?” you asked. “You need to avenge your mother, right?”

You hoped that pulling the vengeance card would work in your favor, but you didn’t think that Hajin would acquiesce so easily. Those words were all that Hajin needed for her to never mention exploring the Blackwoods again—much less wander around it.

There were plenty of other adventurous things to do in Darlae, anyway. Hajin made sure to take the lead, touring Jungkook around the royal family’s abandoned summer home and taking the two of you skating on the frozen lake. She showed Jungkook the best spots to watch the sunsets on the castle grounds and the best shops around the 3rd and 8th cities—all the things she shared with you too. The three of you became nearly inseparable, and your friendship with Hajin grew deeper, just as your relationship with Jungkook did. With Jungkook, you kept the secret of monocode, and with Hajin, you kept the secret of the underground tunnels. 

But things weren’t always about fun and adventure. The three of you were still cadets in the rigorous training program, and you had your ranks to maintain. (Of course, you tried not to train for the sake of keeping your name in the first slot, but you also couldn’t lie that a part of your motivation came from the fact that you would disappoint everyone around you if your ranking were to drop.) So, you trained hard with Jungkook and Hajin, practicing on dummy targets in your limited free time.

Occasionally, one of you would be matched with each other in a duel, and when that was the case, Hajin would always groan—she’d never been able to beat either you or Jungkook. On the other hand, Jungkook preferred being matched with you. He never won, of course, but he enjoyed the challenge immensely.

You always helped him up after he surrendered and he would always say the same thing to you, smiling, with his doe eyes sparkling. “One day, I’m gonna win. Don’t ever go easy on me.”

And you would always respond with a teasing grin: “I would never think of it.”

Life felt like a never-ending balancing act. This wasn’t a sometimes, but an always. On top of your training (which thankfully wasn’t difficult anymore), you still had your private and joint lessons with General Son, which led to at least eight hours of outside readings and work. Then, on your own time, you were also training with Jungkook and Hajin at night until you went to bed with sore muscles and a throbbing migraine. When you weren’t doing army-related tasks, you were either out exploring the nation with Hajin or the knowledge inside the castle libraries with Jungkook. 

That left only a little bit of time for you to spend alone, which you loved just as much as spending time with those you cared about. So, at obscure hours of the night, when inspiration hit you the most, you would sit under a lamplight in a library, sketching gowns and frocks and other garments in one of your collections of notebooks. Then, from the bits of fabric you carefully gleaned from your market trips, you would reify your designs. 

There were many failed attempts—most of your masking was temporary—but there were also a few tries that yielded successful results. One of them was this beautiful lavender-colored gown with sage green ribbons and lace that you spent weeks perfecting, little by little. You loved it so much that you wore it every day for a week, slipping into it as soon as you peeled off your uniform. 

Ultimately, however, you wanted to be able to mask your sketches straight into reality. It was going to take years of practice, but Jungkook was always supportive.

“It’s an effective hobby,” he told you, looking quite proud as you twirled around in your lavender dress for him. “Masking always goes far. It could save your life one day, too.”

“You really think so?”

He nodded. “On the battlefield,” he said. “Especially since you’re so good at it. You’re the most formidable cadet on the castle grounds, and you’ll become the most formidable soldier on the battlegrounds one day.”

Something about the way he said that made it seem like he knew that was going to happen. It was those divinist tendencies. Sometimes, things Jungkook said turned out to be true, so you didn’t have much reason to doubt him. Except, you weren’t a formidable person. You never were, and no divinist could convince you that you would become one in the near future. If anything, you believed Jungkook would become the most formidable soldier on the battlegrounds. You didn’t even have to be a divinist to see it.

⨰ previous | series m.list | next

⨰ a/n: okay my bad this is late AGAIN. but i swear this chapter was in need of major surgery and i had to hang onto it for an extra day to fix it LOL. i hope you enjoyed it heh <3

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[nialls-gorgeous-colors]

Shawn Mendes and Niall Horan Timeline

I will be posting it in sections of years. I’ll tag them all “Shiall Timeline” to make it easiest to find them all.

This timeline is a timeline of noteworthy Shiall relevant stuff that’s happened, focusing on 2015-2016. I’ll be adding to it whenever I find/think of something. Please let me know if there’s anything else that should be added.

Years 2015 - 2016

April 13 2015

Shawn starts following Niall on IG

Dec 29 Niall likes Shawn’s cover of History on IG.

This isn’t a completely comprehensive timeline, though it is still quite inclusive.

This doesn’t include the IG photo liking or commenting, even though there’s been MANY of it throughout the years!

NOV 22 2015 ACCORDING TO SHAWN IN LATER INTERVIEWS, HE AND NIALL MEET AT THE AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS. (SHAWN PERFORMS PRE-SHOW, NIALL PERFORMS WITH ONE DIRECTION.)

DEC 2015

Dec 1 Niall performs Jingle Ball with One Direction in Dallas. According to Niall in later interviews, he and Shawn meet while they’re both performing in Texas.

Dec 3 Niall starts following Shawn on Twitter (Shawn already follows him).

Dec 4 Niall performs Jingle Ball with One Direction in LA. Shawn has his own set.

JAN 5 2016 NIALL STARTS FOLLOWING SHAWN ON IG

Feb 3 2016 Shawn: I met him in America once and then he actually reached out to me over Twitter and I talked to him a little bit, and he seemed really cool – really genuine.

Interviewer: Did he slide up in your DMs?

Shawn: He did! He just said what’s up, give me a text if you’re ever interested in like writing or whatever. Yeah, he’s a really cool guy.

interviewer asks if they’re going to do that, Shawn says yes, interviewer suggests Niall go to one of Shawn’s shows, and Shawn says “he can get on stage with me.” (this TEASE.)

Sept 28 James Corden asked Shawn about their favorite Irishman. Same old keep missing each other quote as before. It’s definitely going to happen, though. (Spoiler alert: it definitely did not happen.)

SEPT 2016

Sept 19 Shawn talks to KISS FM UK about The Collab: We’ve been talking about writing, but we’re never – I texted him before, I was like, ‘I’m going to London, where are you?!’ and he was like ‘I JUST got to LA.’ So it’s like always, for some reason, we keep missing each other. I will [collab with Niall] for sure, he’s a really sweet guy.

Sept 21 Niall talks about The Collab on Zane Lowe: The fans would love to see myself and Shawn Mendes do something. Love to work with Shawn.

Sept 28 James Corden asked Shawn about their favorite Irishman. Same old keep missing each other quote as before. It’s definitely going to happen, though. (Spoiler alert: it definitely did not happen.)

Sept 29 Niall phones into the Zach Sang show: “I met him towards the end of last year. We were doing some radio shows together, you know the Jingle Ball. I think we were down in San Jose or something like that, and I bumped into him […] I spoke to him when he was coming off stage. We’re like, ‘let’s meet up,’ we exchanged numbers. […] He text me the other day: ‘I’m in London, are you around?’ and I was like ‘dude, I just landed in LA.’ We haven’t been able to cross paths with each other, but I’m sure… Like his album’s coming out, I’m still in the studio. I’m sure he’ll be doing promo and tour and things like that, so. Whenever we get the chance and get in the studio… He’s a talented, talented, talented boy.

Sept 29 Niall facetimes with Roman Kemp who brings up The Collab: Sorry Shawn. Sorry for everyone asking you questions about me on your promo tour… Shawn’s a great guy, we’ve chatted a lot. We haven’t really hung out a lot, but we’ve talked a lot and he’s a great lad. Super talented. He’s crazy, he deserves all the credit he gets. We just keep missing each other, so when we get in the same place at the same time – when he’s finished doing whatever he’s doing and I’m free – I’m sure we’ll get in, sit down with a couple guitars and write something, but there’s no plans – at the moment – of an actual feature.”

Oct 2016

Oct 5 Shawn talks about The Collab and This Town: I’ve been texting back and forth with him, he’s a great guy.

Interviewer: I’ve heard that new song, it’s beautiful.

Shawn: It’s great. I’m so, so proud of him.

Interviewer: It’s stripped down. It reminds me of One Direction in one way, but –

Shawn: It’s totally him. I’m very proud of him, it’s a great song.

Oct 26

Niall does a Twitter Q&A

and says “Treat You Better” is one of his favorite songs at the moment. “Been up there all year.”

Nov 2016

Nov 11 Shawn with Roman Kemp about The Collab: “Yes definitely. It will, eventually, when we get time. I met him for the first time the other day, but it’s funny because we felt like we knew each other because we were like, talking back and forth for a long time, but yeah, when we get the chance I’d love to write with him, I think he’s incredible. He’s got this great, great vibe happening with his whole acoustic thing, so I think I really want to get involved with it if he’s down – which he is, I think.

NOV 20

Shawn and Niall hang out after the AMAs and give us the glorious video of them singing Mercy together (NOT in a dressing, in Niall’s sitting room) which got cross posted all over the place and made us all cry.

Shawn posts the video with the caption: niallhoran is a lad

Niall posts:

Me and the boy ! Top lad . No idea why my sunglasses are on my shirt . shawnmendes​

Mully posts:

That event type. #AMAs

Justin Stirling posts:

when mullingar meets ottawa meets pickering 😂 look at the mug on mully

According to Twitter, they then went to Drake’s AMAs afterparty. 

Nov 30 Niall talks to Ryan Seacrest about the post-AMAs shenanigans: We went to the AMAs, obviously, and afterwards we were all going out, but obviously it was too early to go out. so he came back to my house with a couple of our friends and we just sat and played in some video, and it ended up on Instagram. there it is.

Ryan: How old is he?  

Niall: Shawn’s 18 and a very impressive young man as well.

Ryan: He’s so young!

Co-host: He’s very mature, as well.

Niall: Yeah, he is. He’s also very, very talented. He plays all the instruments, very well. He’s had like 3 or 4 of these top 10s singles. He’s only 18 years old.

Ryan: Do we like him?

Niall: We like him a lot.

December 2016

Dec 1 Niall talks to iHeart about Shawn: I literally just spoke to him on the phone, I think he’s enjoying a little bit of time at home. His mom hasn’t him home in awhile. When mummy puts her foot down, she’s right. Yeah, he’s great. He’s an unbelievable guy. We hung out at the AMAs and he came over to the house, and we did that Instagram thing… Top guy, you know. You should be very proud of him in this country. Unbelievable singer, unbelievable guitar player. Great songwriter. Like, he’s 18 years old, he’s had like 3 or 4 top ten singles on Billboard. It’s unheard of. And he’s also – he lives at home with his parents, in a suburb… How much more humble do you want to get? He’s just a great kid, I really enjoy his company, he’s a good lad.

Niall goes on to say it’s too late to get Shawn to collab on his album, everything’s “done.”

Dec 11

A fan takes a video of Niall and Ellie Goulding watching Shawn’s Jingle Ball set.

Niall snaps Shawn’s set side-stage.

A fan takes a video of Shawn saying hello to Niall after walking off his set.

Ellie Goulding posts:

On this radio tour with some mad talent…. these guys have been killing it. niallhoran shawnmendes 🙏🏼 #fangurl

Dec 16 Niall posts:

Gona miss the jingle ball tour . Was really good fun. great atmosphere amongst the artists backstage and even better atmosphere in the arena. . It was amazing to perform my song for thousands of you in the cities I went to , thank you for being so nice to me . It did feel like a bit of an anticlimax when the song was finished as I would have loved to have just played the whole album to you but it’s not ready yet . . There’s always next year . . On that note , here’s a picture of shawnmendes and i being guitar nerds …. cheers to John , Tom and everyone at iheart

Dec 18 Shawn has a lyric struggle covering This Town and talks about Niall on his IG livestream:  I love Niall, man. He is just the coolest guy. So happy that he digs all the songs, and just a really cool dude. He kills it live too, every single time. He’s just so impressive, so professional. 10 out of 10. He’s a real pro. He’s a true pro.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

There Is None Righteous

1 Then what advantage has the Jew? Or what is the value of circumcision? 2 Great in every respect. First of all, that they were entrusted with the oracles of God. 3 What then? If some did not believe, does their unbelief abolish the faithfulness of God? 4 May it never be! Rather, let God be true and every man a liar, as it is written,

“That You may be justified in Your words, And overcome when You are judged.”

5 But if our unrighteousness demonstrates the righteousness of God, what shall we say? Is the God who inflicts wrath unrighteous? (I am speaking in human terms.) 6 May it never be! For otherwise, how will God judge the world? 7 But if through my lie the truth of God abounded to His glory, why am I also still being judged as a sinner? 8 And why not say (as we are slanderously reported and as some claim that we say), “Let us do evil that good may come”? Their condemnation is just.

9 What then? Are we better? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; 10 as it is written,

“There is none righteous, not even one; 11 There is none who understands, There is none who seeks for God; 12 All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; There is none who does good, There is not even one.” 13 “Their throat is an open tomb, With their tongues they keep deceiving,” “The poison of asps is under their lips”; 14 “Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness”; 15 “Their feet are swift to shed blood, 16 Destruction and misery are in their paths, 17 And the path of peace they have not known.” 18 “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

19 Now we know that whatever the Law says, it speaks to those who are in the Law, so that every mouth may be shut and all the world may become accountable to God; 20 because by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin.

The Righteousness of God through Faith

21 But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, 22 even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus; 25 whom God displayed publicly as a propitiation in His blood through faith, for a demonstration of His righteousness, because in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed; 26 for the demonstration of His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

27 Where then is boasting? It is excluded. By what kind of law? Of works? No, but by a law of faith. 28 For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from works of the Law. 29 Or is God the God of Jews only? Is He not the God of Gentiles also? Yes, of Gentiles also, 30 since indeed God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that faith, is one.

31 Do we then abolish the Law through faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we establish the Law. — Romans 3 | Legacy Standard Bible (LSB) Legacy Standard Bible Copyright ©2021 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Managed in partnership with Three Sixteen Publishing Inc. Cross References: Genesis 8:21; Genesis 18:25; Leviticus 16:10; Deuteronomy 4:8; Deuteronomy 6:4; Job 40:8; Psalm 10:7; Psalm 36:1; Psalm 53:2-3; Psalm 107:42; Psakm 130:7; Psalm 143:2; Psalm 147:20; Proverbs 20:9; Isaiah 59:7; Jeremiah 23:6; Daniel 9:42; Matthew 25:30; Luke 1:80; Luke 20:16; Acts 10:34; Romans 2:17; Romans 6:1; Romans 8:4; Romans 9:19; Romans 10:16; James 2:18; James 3:8; 1 John 1:8

Romans 3: Commentary, Bible Study And Summary

[astrowh0re]

☾without you ☽ ✦﹒✶

- i got really tired at the end, apologies

neteyam x f! reader (aged up) ☆。⺌ warnings// angst/ language/ slight smut/ hurt/ mild violence ☆ word count -> 1.9k

====== neteyam, lo'ak, and y/n were only supposed to be scouting the raid, jake told you all specifically to stay out of trouble. but trouble is not something that is easily avoidable... =========

jake had let the three of you on his mission on the grounds that scouting for bogeys was the only thing you would be doing while he carried out his plan of shutting down a transport train that the sky people had passing through na'vi territory.

a gentle breeze blew through your hair as your ikran drifted through the clouds, but you was anything but calm. to your left was lo'ak and your right neteyam. the sight of neteyam perched on his ikran, his strong arms directing it, and his braids covering the upper part of his face made your stomach twist. you had been going on these missions in training with jake. you wanted to live up to your family's legacy of being fierce warriors and the sullys were family friends. you had known the two sully boys your whole life, but a new feeling rose up in you during these recent missions. the way neteyam always made sure you were always out of trouble and safe, or directing your body when teaching you how to better your archery skills made a heat collect in your lower body. you had always loved neteyam, but this was different. you were freshly 19 and neteyam had very much matured, you knew that you would both need to find a mate eventually, but you had been so preoccupied in your training that it hadn't crossed your mind. the thoughts added to your anxiety. you had been up there for a short time, but your nerves had made it feel like forever. there hadn't been any heat in the sky, but the train had just been blown off it's tracks and the ground squad was raiding it's contents for weapons. the sight of the large guns made lo'ak keen with interest.

"bro we have to go check it out," lo'ak shouted over the sound of the rushing wind.

neteyam gave him a stern look that said, absolutely not.

"dad will skin us!" he said in his typical brotherly tone.

"lo'ak i really don't think we should abandon our post," you said uneasily, eyes darting through the clouds.

before either of them could further convince lo'ak he took off towards the train with a laugh following the path of his ikran. neteyam gave you a look and followed after him with a growl.

you were close behind, and landed your ikran, sliding off of her and disconnecting the queue. lo'ak was holding a large weapon aiming it like he knew how to use it.

"you don't even know how to use that thing," neteyam said rolling his eyes.

"yes i do, dad taught me" lo'ak scoffed.

"you two are going to get us in trouble, jake is never going to let us do anything on missions again if we keep this up," you said trying to get the two to leave. the adrenaline in your body was making the dangerous situation more anxiety inducing.

"y/n's right, its not safe down here." neteyam said giving lo'ak another look.

"oh cmo-" lo'ak wasn't able to finish his sentence as one of the gunships that had been taken down hurled toward them.

you couldn't even make it to your ikran before you hit the ground in a painful tumble. pain was shooting through your body. you couldn't see anything but the dust that was choking your vision and the rubble flying towards the ground. your lower abdomen was on fire and your ears were ringing in the most horrible way. pure panic filled you.

a mangled cry for help left your mouth, but you couldn't find the strength to escape the terror that seemed to immobilize you. looking down you saw the cause of your immobility. a large piece of metal debri stook out of your side and a numbness overtook you. the sight was so nauseating and your vision went from fuzzy for black.

you felt strong arms hoist you up. and you immediately recognized their familiarity.

"get her on that ikran and out of here. now." you could hear the boom of jakes voice.

"i've got her," you felt neteyam's chest vibrate at his words.

you felt the roughness of his ikran on your skin and the way his hand tied your body to him to ensure you didn't slide off as he took to the setting sky.

"ne-teyam.." you mangled out, trying to open your eyes more. but the pain held your words in your throat.

"hey hey its ok, don't move, we're almost there," neteyam comforted you.

the last thing you remember was the suffocating pain that raked your body and the look on neteyam's face when your eyes rolled back into your head.

his body was shaking from the panic he felt, you had never looked so weak in his life, and the part of the metal he couldn't remove from your body hung out from an angry gash in your side. He held on to you in desperation and flew to the village as fast as he possibly could without causing you any pain.

===============================================

your eyes fluttered open as you two landed in the hallelujuah mountain base. you were huffing trying to grit through the pain as neteyam untethered you and carried you bridal style to his grandmother. you look up at him for solace and were met his pleading yellow eyes.

"its ok, you're ok, just hang in there." he said shakily.

his name was the only thing that seemed to make it past your lips.

he barged into the tent and mo'at's hands immediately found your body. tuk let out a cry when she saw your state.

"y/n, what happened to y/n!?"

neteyam set you down as gently as he could. he was ushered away from your form as mo'at and kiri urgently got to work trying to help.

"one of the gunships exploded, and she was right there" neteyam said running a nervous hand through his hair.

"did you try to take this out," kiri questioned motioning to the large piece of metal mo'at was carefully trying remove. crys leaving you at her actions.

"yes. i didn't know what to do, she wouldn't have fit on my ikran if i had." neteyam said, scared he may have hurt you more in his efforts.

"please— i... neteyam make it stop—" your cries were killing neteyam.

if you left him before he ever told you how he really felt or left him with a y/n sized hole in his heart, he didn't know if would live. eywa have you in her prayers. what if he never made you his mate. or held you. or felt your touch or shared his love with you. he was spiraling. he didn't think anything anything mattered more than you. he was going to kill lo'ak for this.

neteyam was forced out of the tent by kiri and he stood there for several moments consumed with worry. the cry of his dad's ikran made him snap out of his thoughts and towards the sound.

he made his way to his father his head bowed in shame. he had never felt this much regret in his life. he failed his duties, and he let y/n and lo'ak get in danger.

"what were you thinking. you know better, you're supposed be the older brother." jake seethed. his teeth showing as he glanced between his two sons.

"i understand sir, i didn't mean to let this happen." neteyam said.

"you're right, this wasn't supposed to happen. and, it won't happen again because you two are grounded. no flying for the rest of the month and no more missions."

before lo'ak could say anything neteyam let out a "yes sir." and submitted to his father.

"lo'ak go tend to the ikrans." jake directed towards his youngest.

"but—" lo'ak tried.

"now." he growled.

============================================

neteyam spent the night by your side, petting your hand and watching for any signs of discomfort. he could barely sleep. his heart tangled in worry.

when you finally woke up your voice was groggy.

"neteyam... are you ok, is lo'ak ok?"

the first thing you were worried about was him and his brother and neteyam felt his soul light up with his admiration for you.

"i'm ok, of course i'm ok. i thought i lost you y/n." worry was laced in his words. he was dabbing your forehead with a wet cloth and his hand were dusting across your skin. you closed your eyes at the feeling. the pain in your side was duller than when the wound was made, but it still throbbed angrily. the feeling of neteyam's touch was lulling you. it felt so good it distracted you from every other sensation.

you grabbed his hand and pressed it to your face. your brain was thinking the straightest. "that feels good," your face was hot but his hands were cold and easing your pain.

his ears twitched at your words, and he noticed the way your body keened towards him. did you feel the same about him? he softly began tracing the glowing freckles on your face and made his way down to your lips. you eased up off the mat and rested your weight against him. you were so close that if he leaned forward he could close the distance between the two of you. your tail wrapped around his calf, and you hazily peered at him.

the air in the room was heavy and there seemed to be a very obvious understanding between the two of you. neteyam leaned forward and kissed you with the delicacy of a shimmyfly's wings. you lost your breath in the kiss, and reached for his arm. the lean muscle grounded you and you let neteyam ease you onto your back. he was being so gentle. the feeling making you lose any sense you may have previously had. he ran his hand along your thighs, careful to avoid your injury. his kisses peppering along your neck, his teeth grazing your neck. a whimper escaped you and neteyam's tail flicked at the sound. his scent was intoxicating.

the way y/n, who was always so fierce and serious, was underneath neteyam's large frame in submission was sending his mind into a fog. before he entered a state of little judgement, he stop his soft assault on your skin, much to your dismay.

you both sat there breathing heavily. your pupils like large disks, raking over neteyam's body.

"when you are better, and i can give myself to you y/n, i will." he was playing with the beads in your hair.

you whined, "neteyam, i'm fine it barely even hurts anymore, i've waited so long for you"

he took your hands and pulled you slightly to up towards him, sitting you in his lap. you let out a slight sound of pain at the action and neteyam gave you a look. "barely hurts?"

you let out a soft laugh and settled with the feeling of neteyam comforting you as his hands raked along your back. you both had admitted your feelings for eachother in your own way and you knew there would time to do much more in the future.

"cmon let's get those bandages changed," he said using his strength to lift your slender body, "you'll heal in no time." his signature smiled flashing across his face.

==========================================

i finished this so incredibly late but i hope it wasn't too bad. hopefully more to come in the future... it's been so long since i last wrote anything !

[vertical-tacos]

1. I'm not too sure. Can be related to plot, and the overgrowth starting around monk's campaign, reaching a peak at rivulet's campaign, and finally dying out at Saint's campaign.

2. L.I.F. is in a local group with two other iterators- Tested Dunes and Freedom Without Method (T.D. and F.W.M., respectively.) They know of the Canon iterators but currently are unable to contact with them via broadcast (they have to send their messenger, Affy (Official Title: The Afflicter)

3. They're allies with all others in their group, and vice versa. Occasionally, their messenger crosses paths with the others, and make sure to not touch the other messenger (Affy's skin contains a fine layer of easily agitated spores, so contact would be pretty bad). But nonetheless, the messengers still trade with each other.

4. They didn't socialize much themselves, but others occasionally reached out to them for data pearls on modified monster kelp / pole plants

5. Of course! They're friends with U.M.S (Unshakeable Mourning Sirens) and regularly keep in contact.

6. Plants, a lot of plants.

7. They can get away with having plants with dens in their structure without much consequence. (For now.)

8. They're pretty neutral about it, they did make Affy after all. Still, they think if one does do bioengineering, they should be patient with it. After all, only bad things happen to those who rush. (LOOKING AT YOU, NSH.)

9. They don't think about it. They're too busy with plants. Also, that usually gives them an existential moment.

10. If you ask them, a plant most definitely. But to be logical, they'd probably be a white lizard or a squidcada. Both as good as focusing on one thing once they set their eyes on it.

11. They're quite fond of lizards and other carnivores (cause they don't eat the plants they've engineered). They saw another slugcat once, and asked for them to tame a lizard. To their alarm, they returned with a strawberry one, which usually ends up sleeping on their shoulder and gnawing at their robe cuff.

12. They're slightly taller than gourmand. Other slugcats like Saint, Riv, Arti, and Spearmaster would be taller- same with most canon iterators, except pebbs. Ofc, they've never encountered Arti or Spearmaster before, so...

13. Slightly younger than pebbles.

14. No they haven't.

15. Their citizens were all gone, and now their city is basically filled with scavengers. No king though. Not a super well held together tribe. As for the scav- iterator relationships... tense relationship. They're not a fan of how the scavengers uproot their pole plants for bandages and food, but they understand it's just how they work. Still...

16. The plants they create will not favor them in the long run. They aren't quite aware of that yet.

17. They're neutral about it. Currently, they don't really feel like striving towards it, but in the bitter cold of Saint's campaign, they're happy the little green thing frees them..

18. Karmic urges like wrath are reasonable to them, it's just Instinct.

19. Yes. They were never able to contact them though, they weren't built / discovered them early enough for that.

20. LIF knows them all. The relations are as follows:

LIF & BSM: Mild Admiration, wants to be Friends but their messenger can't fare well in water so not able to talk to them yet. BSM doesn't know about them

LIF & FP: mutual dislike.

LIF & SRS: mutually neutral.

LIF & NSH: L.I.F dislikes how rushed NSH's messenger was, and thinks he could do well to pay actual attention to his projects. NSH has been pestered by LIF whenever bioengineering is brought up.

LIF & UI: they don't know each other.

LIF & CW: Unknown. No chat logs exist between them.

LIF & SOS: never got to talk to each other before incident 70.

21. Not yet, no.

22. Close to Outer Expanse, in a more swampy / Wetlands area.

23. Slugcat colonies, plants, lizards, fauna in general

24.

Like that!

25. Mainly merchant based, lots of shops and faraway travelers. Had quite the punishment for stealing, though..

Rain World Iterator OC Ask Game/Questionnaire

want people to ask you questions about your iterator ocs? want to talk about your ocs and don't know where to start? this is the ask game for you! (slugcat version coming soon)

Does your iterator's name mean anything? In their lore or symbolically? If so, what?

Is your iterator in a local group? Who else is in it?

If your iterator is in a local group, what do they think of their group members? If they are not, do they wish they were in a local group?

When iterators were more connected, did your iterator like to socialize on public broadcasts? Or did they tend to keep to their own group?

Does your iterator have friends outside of their local group? Do they still keep in touch? Do they want to still keep in touch?

What does your iterator like to talk about?

Does your iterator have any specific quirks or niches unlike "typical" iterators? Special jobs, equipment, etc.? If so, what?

What is your iterator's opinion on bioengineering? Natural ability of iterators? A cruel push of artificial will? Something to be moderated? etc.

What does your iterator think of their body? One organism with many moving parts? A giant computer? A small creature stuck in a box? etc.

If your iterator could be anything else other than an iterator, what would they be and why?

Does your iterator have any non-iterator friends/companions? Such as an animal, an ancient, etc.?

How tall is your iterator? Is this an average height for a standard iterator?

How old is your iterator? Compared to their group? Compared to iterator-kind as a whole?

Has your iterator ever modified any part of their body (puppet, city, structure components, things that make up the structure like neurons, inspectors, etc.)?

What did/does your iterator think of their citizens? Their creators? Ancients as a whole?

Does your iterator have an underlying condition (rot, damage, illness, etc.)? How do they feel about it?

How does your iterator feel about ascension? Is it something they want to strive for? Help others achieve? Something to avoid? etc.

Does your iterator have opinions about karma/karmic urges? If so, what are they?

Does your iterator know who Sliver of Straw is? If so, what do they think of her?

Does your iterator know any of the canon iterators? If so, describe their relationship!

Does your iterator have any major regrets?

Where does your iterator live? Describe the region.

When using overseers, what is your iterator's favorite thing to watch/look at?

What do your iterators overseers look like?

When their city was populated, what was it like?

[mxtantrights]

The magic-spy and the bird

the best friends brother trope is in my top 5 tropes. but I've also got a thing for angst. So here we areeeee. enjoy! <3

dick Grayson x f!reader

Jason Todd had asked you specifically to ask his brother out. And he did use the word brother, which you made a point to bring up. He shot it down but still decided to push his message towards you. You should ask Dick out. It wasn’t that simple.

“Jay I don’t think you’ve thought this through.” you said.

He chuckled, “Of course I did. I wouldn’t say it out loud if it wasn’t a well-cooked plan.” 

You made a face at him.

“Okay look, all I'm saying is you’ve got nothing to lose. If anything you're way out of his league.” he said and then gulped down the rest of his beer.

You didn’t like beer and so you worked on a Pina colada. You had done the whole beer thing for years now. As a trained spy it was your go-to for missions at bars. Safe to say you were sick of ales, craft beers and everything in between.

“Ah yes, the magic using spy.” you nodded your head.

Jason nodded along with you. 

“Exactly. Bird brains would eat that up.” he said.

“And when would I tell him that I knew about his secret identity? Before I tell him about mine or after?” you asked. 

Jason sighed and raised his hand for another beer. You rolled your eyes at this. Once he had a thought it was very hard for him to let it go. Especially when it included a thought about people he cared for- no matter how much he claimed the opposite. 

“All Im saying is, you never know until you try.” 

“What are you a fortune cookie?” 

“Fuck off. I’m being serious and I do give great advice you can ask Duke.” 

2 DAYS LATER 

You look at Caliban with bated breath. He had just gotten info on a magic-based rebellion. Work was tight when you rolled with the good guys for too long of a time. You blame that on two men on your life, Jason and Constantine. 

“I’ll put in a good word for you.” he says.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it. And any-”

Before you can finish telling Caliban that he can call in a favor from you at anytime your surroundings change. In a flash you go from one of the underworld crime bars to a room you’ve never been in before.

You look around and sure enough you see the culprit. Constantine.

“There she is!” he smiles.

Not only did he summon you, he did so in front of an audience. Circled around him is Gotham’s crime fighting family. All of them except Jason, Cass and Duke. All of which know about your secret identity and would’ve stopped Constantine from summoning you. The rest of the family are all looking at you liked you’ve grown a second head.

You look down at what you’re wearing. The long sleeve off the shoulder skin tight black dress was the perfect choice for the club you were supposed to be in. Maybe not so much for a meeting with the Bats and his birds.

You look right ahead at Constantine, “I don’t like being summoned.” 

“Ah, but you’re the best person I know for this job. I had to get you over here.” he says.

You take a quick look at all the other people in the room. Then at the screen behind them. Your information is plastered on it. Well, the information that you’ve decided to let the government think was yours. Your codename was at the top of the screen.

“Constantine says that you’re the best way into the underworld.” Batman says.

You’re confused to say the least. Constantine was Constantine, why would he call you in order to get them into the underworld when he can do it himself? It defeats the purpose of having to call him.

“I’m sorry,” you direct to Batman and then look at your friend, “I need you to state specifically what I’m needed for.” 

Constantine moved from the family over to you. As he did you watched as Nightwing followed him with his own eyes. Now Dick knows you’re not just Jason’s friend from around Gotham. Great.

“Bats got intel that something it going down with this magic group, the-” he starts. “hex mutiny.” you finish.

“You already know about them?” Nightwing says.

“I was just getting someone to put in a good word for me with them before you summoned me here. You’ve got great timing you know that?” you say to Constantine.

He smiles, “Well then it seems like you can be of great service, spygames.”

“And what exactly would I be doing, if I can even get a spot with them?” you throw out the question to the family.

Red Robin crosses his arms, “We need someone on the inside to tell us what they are planning for Gotham.”

“I doubt they’d let a newbie in on their plans.”

“Good thing you won’t be a newbie.” Batman says.

Constantine conjures an amulet in his hand. You want to hit him over the head. He could really be a pain in the ass. You grab it from him.

“With this, you’ll be in the perfect position to get in and get out. Easy.” he says.

You shake your head, “Every time you say that I get a new scar.” 

“I promise sweetheart. No scars this time.” 

“Yeah yeah, you owe me for this.”

EXACTLY ONE WEEK LATER

You knew you would end up wounded. Typically with Constantine it was nothing deadly, or nothing your own magic couldn’t fix. But you knew that your luck had to run out some day. And it wasn't his fault.

After finding out what the group was really up to you couldn’t just let them operate. They weren’t really rebels. No they used that name to paint a narrative. They were fascists.

You held the wound to your waist to stop the bleeding. This would have to be the farthest you could go. There was no way you could run out of this. Not with the blood seeping through the cracks of your fingers.

At least you brunt the members down to the ash. It took a lot out of you. And that’s why you weren’t prepared for a hit that tore right through you. 

“Why aren’t you moving?” Jason, or Redhood, said through the comms.

You leaned against the hallway wall.

At least you’d die someplace pretty. When you first came in you didn't notice how clean and meticulous everything was. There were painting of famous magicians on the walls. Along with some stolen art, a Van Gogh or two. 

You ripped the amulet off your neck and felt the illusion fade. The necklace fell to the floor and you let out a pained breath.

“I think,” you coughed and on the clean wall was not splatters of blood, “this is it.”

You could hear Jason shouting on the other end. He was calling out your name, calling out for Constantine to come and help you. Duke was calling for you too. And you could’ve sworn you heard Cass say your name once. 

With your only free hand you tried to open a portal out of the base. You knew it would be useless as you had a mortal wound and portal magic works best under no stress and panic, or blood loss. The usual light from your hands glowed faintly until it didn’t.

“Constantine can’t summon you?” Dick asked.

At that you let your body drag down the wall until you reached the floor. When you did sit down more blood came out. So you decided to lay down horizontally. 

“Hey hey- I told you I wasn’t gonna let anything happen to you.” you hear Constantine through the comms.

You want to laugh, but it ends out more of a chocked gargle.

“I screwed up the mission. I deserve it.” you said.

“You did good. Better than any of us.” Batman said.

“Constantine you need to call in whatever favors you have to get her out of there. Now!” Jason shouted.

“Dont,” you started.

“No. We’re getting you out of there-”

“Jason, I’m not a saint. I never would’ve imagined going out like this.” you said.

Once you were born you were thrusted in this world. All you knew was to use magic as a weapon. To get ahead, to get power, to get the glory. And that lasted you until you turned 19. 

Then Constantine crossed paths with you. He was the one to show you that magic has other uses. Such as helping and healing. You learned the best stuff from him.  And you took what you learned and began to help in ways you could.

You didn’t go on the straight and narrow. Never did you consider yourself a morally correct person. Sometimes the lines were blurred, or they need to be blurred. And so you took down seedy organizations, went on recon missions all over the world.

It wasn’t justice. But it was close enough that you could sleep at night or the odd hours of the morning for more than four hours.

“Sweetheart I don’t break my promises.” Constantine said finally.

You were just beginning to feel your eyes grow heavy. The pain was starting to be comfortably numb. Then above you appeared someone you weren’t expecting in the slightest. 

“Caliban?” you asked.

“You owe me double.”

4 DAYS LATER

When you woke up you felt battered and weak You weren’t used to these feelings and you weren’t used to being so close to death. Everyday was a new experience when you’re the Priestess of Espionage.

You cracked open one eye to find a couple of deviants at your side. Jason, Duke and Cass. The youngest took the chair next to you while Duke and Jason seemed to take the floor. Since they weren’t in their gear you guessed that you were out for longer than a couple of hours.

“Not my version of hell but I’ll allow it.” you say in a raspy voice.

It wakes everyone up.

Jason and Duke bolt to your bedside.

“Why’d you almost die on me?” and “Are you feeling okay?” come from them both, respectively. It makes you want to laugh but when you feel the ache in your waist you stop yourself.

“I’m alive, so there’s that. Positives.” you answer.

Jason shoots his younger siblings a look and they scurry out the room. You try to sit up to ask what it was for but he puts his hands up for you to stop any movement. So you lay back down.

“He would kill me if you tore your stitches.” 

You shut your eyes, “Jason I don’t think Constantine would kill you per say.”

You hear the door opening so you decide to open your eyes. And sure enough you see Jason leaving the room and someone coming in. Dick Grayson, out of his suit as well. 

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t read his face. Besides the clear betrayal that was there. He definitely knew that you knew he’s Nightwing.

“Hi.” you say.

His face softens, “Hi.”

“I just want to say that I would’ve told you about who I am. Sooner that you think actually but this mission kinda derailed all of that.” you say.

With his arm crossed over his chest he nods, “How long did you know I was Nightwing?”

You wince.

“For about two years now. Once Jason told me he was Red it was hard to not notice the similarities of the Wayne family and the Bat one.” 

He laughs at that and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. It must be going good if he wants to laugh. 

“And when did he tell you that I like you?” he asks.

“He didn’t explicitly say that.” 

There’s a beat of silence. You’re looking at him and he’s looking at you. But he’s the one who seems to be holding his breath this time. You try to hide the smirk you feel forming on your lips.

“What?” he asks.

“Jason had told me that I should ask you out. He didn’t say anything about you liking me.” you answer him.

The red tint that covered Dick Grayson was absolutely adorable.

He nods his head to himself. Twice.

“I- I’m gonna get Jason for you.” he moved to the door.  And you don’t really know what to say. All your words get jumbled in your brain and you can’t put them together in a way that is smooth enough so you deicide to just try your best.

“If you were to ask me out, I would say yes.” you say.

He looks directly at you. Then his signature smirk appears.

“I’ll bring back some food for later.” he says.

“it’s a date.” you answer.

[heavenbarnes]

PLEASE STAND BY: She’s not heavy, she’s my lover

Wanda Maximoff x female reader

Warning/Contains: spoilers for “WandaVision”, aspects of mind-control meaning reader isn’t truly consenting, parts of this don’t make sense and are designed to make you feel strange, cheating, pregnancy, fingering, riding,

Word Count: 2.2k

it’s the 70s now and we’re a lot more liberal w our love, we’re also starting to form some kind of idea as to what might be going on hmm...enjoy x

MASTERLIST

Things just were positively brighter these days, and you couldn’t put your finger on why. Each morning the sun shone a little stronger through the curtains, the birds chirped just that bit louder, your morning coffee just a bit sweeter.

Picking the fluff off your husband’s blazer, you moved to adjust his tie slightly, admiring the way the red stood out on his chest. “You really are so handsome.”

James’ cheeks pulled up in a smile, dipping in to press a kiss to your cheek as you beamed for him. “I’ve got to be, to keep up with my gorgeous wife!”

You giggled, a cherry sweet girlish lilt that made your eyes twinkle. Enjoying those last few moments before he left for work, you lent further into his woolen sweater as you felt the firm hold of his prosthetic hand.

“Do you really have to leave-”

“Oop, sorry, Wanda calling!” 

Both your heads turned up, looking to the front door to find your lovely little neighbor and her bright eyes. That sadness of seeing James’ off seemed to fade as you saw your friend, she seemed to replace the warmth that would’ve followed him out the door.

“Great timing, you can keep the missus company whilst I’m earning us money!” He gave you another kiss, before heading off to wherever he spent his time during the days.

Welcoming Wanda into your home, you couldn’t help but notice the thick woolen coat she had wrapped over her front. She looked like a cutie, you couldn’t doubt that, she actually looked like Paddington Bear. But the sun was beaming out there.

Narrowing your eyes you stepped around the couch towards her. “Whattya’ stashing, toots?”

“I’m only telling you cause I love you, and I know you love me, and you-”

“Spill the beans, chick.”

Rather than come out with it, she instead...well...came out with it. She flipped the sides of the coat back off her front and you were met with the round bump of her belly. Your eyes flew wide and mouth dropped a tad.

“Baby!” You cried, hands flying up around your head. “You’re having a baby!”

-

“Run me through what we have so far.”

“Approximately a week ago, Agent 19 entered the energy field surrounding the town of Westview, accompanied by Bucky Barnes. Since then, they have been cast as characters in a TV show created and seemingly controlled by Wanda Maximoff.”

“They went in with a mission, to find Maximoff and stop her, have they even made any progress?”

“From the looks of things, they’ve abandoned mission, whether they realize it or not.”

“So what are they doing in there?”

“Bucky spends most of his time ‘working’, Agent 19 isn’t normally seen without Wanda at her side. They spend a lot of time talking, sometimes dancing, not a whole lot else.”

“So she’s got her right there, but isn’t even doing the one thing we sent her in there for?”

“Sir, I don’t think she has a choice.”

-

Wanda’s hips rolled against yours as she sat perched in your lap, soft lips moving gently against your own as her hands found their way under your shirt. “You sure I don’t look too round?”

Giggling into her mouth, your hands came to grasp her breasts, resting their weight in your hands as she sighed for you. “I think you look positively radiant, like a stone cold fox.”

Pulling back gently, she caught you as you winked for her, still kneading the sensitive flesh in your fingers. Bracing her hands on your knees, she arched her back and pushed her chest further into your touch.

“I didn’t know you and Vision were trying for a baby, and I feel like I only saw you yester-”

‘I know, I know, it all happened so quickly.” She hurried you, shutting you up completely by lifting her shirt over her head and flinging it onto your bedroom floor.

It worked a treat, your mouth falling agape at the sight of her pert chest bared to you in all her glory. You immediately closed your lips around one of her nipples, the hard bud fitting nicely against your tongue as you sucked it further into your mouth.

Those sounds, those beautiful sounds that only she could make, they nearly drove you doggone wild. She felt apart to wonderfully in your hands, she fit so nicely against you making you truly believe that your souls were always meant to cross paths.

Your mind told you, looking at her glowing and luscious and so incredibly perfect, that there was never any other woman but her. It was in the way that it didn’t feel like you existed, until she was thinking about you. Like your day started when she needed you and ended once she’d fallen asleep.

The needy roll of her bare hips drew your eyes down to where she was leaving a wet patch on your flares, you drew your fingers down over the ridge of her belly and underneath where she was softest.

“Please, let me ride your fingers, I need it.”

A wild grin sparked in your eyes as you smiled up at her, more than willing to make her wish your command. Running two of your fingers along where she was parted, you collected the candy-sweet wetness that was pooling in her.

Bringing it up to her clit, you circled around it as her head tipped back with a wanton moan escaping her chest and parting the thick air that’d gathered around you. Slow and easy, you sunk those two fingers into her as she continued to roll her hips for you.

“You always feel better than I ever imagined,” Wanda cried out, fingers gripping your shoulders as she bounced against you. “All I could’ve hoped for.”

You let the kindness and passion of her words wash over you as you kept working your fingers inside her, stretching them out slightly and pulling forward with every motion of her hips. 

Moving your thumb around, you pressed it to her clit and slowly rolled it around as she continued to buck in your fingers. She looked monumental above you, the bedroom light glowing around her like an aura she exuded. Her long hair brushed down her back as she swayed into you.

She looked like your entire world, and at that moment, she was.

You felt her gripping your digits, hugging tight and sweet as she got herself off against you. Never before had you been so pleased to be a vessel for someone’s pleasure, you’d lay there flat on the bed and let her grind against you for hours if it made her happy and wet.

“Yes, I’m so close,” The whine that whistled through her teeth shocked you to the core. “You’re gonna’ make me lose it.”

And as if that was your plan, you sped up the roll of your thumb and the movement of your fingers until her nails were digging into the flesh of your shoulders and pulling your flush between her breasts.

Lips pursing and teeth nipping gently at the taught skin, you left kisses in your wake as she rode through the highs of pleasure centered between her thighs. Hand wrapped around your wrist, she drew your own hand from below and placed the two soaked fingers between your lips.

You smiled, humming in content as you tasted the most unforgettable sweetness, like something from dream state. “You’re everything, pretty girl.”

-

Spying it draped across the back of the couch as you greeted your husband, James’ eyes followed it as he hung his blazer on the coat rack. “Wanda leave that here?”

“Hmm, yes,” You picked it up and draped it over your arm. “I better go return it.”

“I’ll come with you, been meaning to ask Vision if I can borrow his hedge trimmer.”

Hand in hand you bridged the short gap down to their home, knocking a couple times on the door before you heard a soft “come in” from just inside. Slowly pushing open the door, your eyes immediately fixed on the two beautiful bundles in the living room.

“Twins!” You beamed, keeping your voice hushed as James’ followed you inside.

“Aren’t they sweet.” Wanda cast the most enamored gaze upon them, like life had never been better.

“Just the bees knees!”

Whilst your husband had gone to find the man of the house, you turned to the young lady who had also obviously come to offer best wishes to the new parents. “Hi there, I’m one of Wanda’s friends.”

Rather than return your smile, the girl went stark faced, eyes wide and brow just slightly furrowed. A tinge of confusion crossed your features, shrugging your shoulders in an attempt to get her to speak.

Shaking her head, a smile started to work up on her face. “I’m Geraldine, also one of Wanda’s friends.”

“Nice to meet you!”

“It- It sure is.”

She was odd, maybe she was shy? Nevertheless, you turned back to Wanda and placed a hand on her arm. “Let me find my husband and get out of your hair, leave you to enjoy your gorgeous babies.”

Geraldine followed you across the lounge room as you called out for James. She caught one of your wrists in her hand, making you twist your head back towards her. Expecting her to say something, you stood in wait with a signature kind smile across your lips.

Strange girl didn’t say a word, she just looked at you again with those worrisome eyes that you couldn’t quite place. “Sorry Geraldine, is there something I can-”

“She’s just new here, looking to make more friends, aren’t you?” Wanda filled you in from her place by her twins.

Nodding in understanding, you felt James’ presence as he came up behind you, hand on your arm to turn you away from the new guest. Reluctantly, she released your grip as you moved by, causing you to shoot your man a slightly perplexed glance.

He just shrugged his shoulders, closing the front door behind you both as you walked back up to your home. Herb was outside, using his own hedge trimmer as you both waved to him. He waved back, shouting a quick “hello” as the blade of his hedge trimmer started to slowly descend through the concrete wall.

Looping your arm through James’ prosthetic elbow you motioned towards the sight. “Pretty powerful motor, better be careful with that one of Vision’s.”

As you served your better-half his plate of meatloaf, he greatly accepted it, cutlery poised in his hands as he waited for you to sit with your own. Making a cheers with your wine glasses, you both took your bites of dinner before crossing knives and forks across your plates.

“That lass at the Vision’s place today was an oddball.” James’ remarked, leaning back in his chair.

“Hmm, I just think she was shy, though I wish she’d told me whatever she was thinking.”

James’ scrunched his nose slightly but nodded in agreement, nonetheless. You thought back to the young lady, how she’d seemingly looked frightened, they way she’d grabbed you. Letting it tick over in your mind, you saw the same kind of look on your husband’s face that you felt you were making.

“My love,” He started, pushing some broccoli around his plate. “Why do we never eat more than one bite of our dinner.”

Your eyes dropped from his to the plate in front of you, pushed slightly up the table and signaled as finished. Gently lifting your head, you let your eyes flicker around your dining room. To the window sills that never got dusty, the clock that never struck 12, the lightbulbs you’d never replaced.

“Where do you go in a day, when you go to work, what do you do?”

James’ smile faltered, eyes seeming to nearly well as it became harder for you to cheek the apples of your cheeks up. “I leave our front door and I- I feel like I wake up as I come back through it.”

Nodding in understanding, you felt the tear before you even knew it’d slipped onto your cheek. Bucky lent across the table and wiped it with his right thumb, the feel of his skin against yours grounding you for a moment.

“We haven’t got long, this means she’s thinking of us, she’ll know that we’re-”

“Hey, hey, I know,” He cooed, getting out of his seat and rounding the table to crouch beside you. “We’ll find our moment, but you just have to be strong, we cant show our fear-”

As you served your better-half his plate of meatloaf, he greatly accepted it, cutlery poised in his hands as he waited for you to sit with your own. Making a cheers with your wine glasses, you both took your bites of dinner before crossing knives and forks across your plates.

“Darling!” James sighed as he pushed his plate up the table. “Your meatloaf is my favorite!”

-

“God! They always get so close, I know they must be trying so hard.”

The television broadcast wavered slightly, seemingly weakening for a moment but still producing the bright technicolor.

“They’re two of the strongest and smartest we have, Wanda must be doing a number on them to reduce them to this.”

The electrical whirring of the old-fashioned set still sounded in the background as they got the same message.

“PLEASE STAND BY.”

[adominantmanswhore]

Obedience Part 4

*Back at the precinct*

Morgan: We believe were looking for a white male aging between twenty to thirty-five years old.

Reid: the amount of violence displayed in these killings suggest he exhibits extreme anger issues which most likely prevents the unsub from keeping a job also effecting his relationships with partners and/or family

Hotch: The sudden change in victimology tells us Hes evolving . Mary Carter and Riley Sins were both known drugs users and prostitute's but the unsubs latest victim Jaime Banks was an A honor roll college student living in the suburbs

JJ : All three woman look similar to each other . We believe he's choosing his victims based on their facial features that remind him of someone ones wronged him before prehaps an ex maybe his mother even an aunt.

Y/N: Figuring out how he cross paths with these three woman is our best chance at finding him.

Sitting around the table bouncing ideas off of each other when Hotch dials Gracias number putting it on speaker

Garcia: Hello Captain, my captain

Hotch: Garcia I need you to run Jaime Banks credit card statements and phone number see if you can get an idea of what she was doing before she was killed

Garcia: Your wish is my command sir

Y/n chuckles at hotch's confused look he displayed

Garcia: Looks like Ms. Banks went to a bar called the moonshiners I'm pulling up the surveillance footage now

Y/N : anything interesting ?

Garcia: ahh Mrs. Rabbit there is. She seems to be sitting alone at the bar when a man of average height approach's her. They talk a bit before she waves him off. it looks like he was escorted out of the bar

Prentiss: Mrs. Rabbit ?

Garcia: yeah as in Jessica Rabbit. Never mind I'll run facial recognition software on our mystery man peace out

*ends phone call*

That woman worries me sometimes Hotch says earning a laugh from the team. Y/n walks out of the room to make herself a hot cup of coffee. Following behind her was her boss standing in the doorframe Hotch finally speaks up Y/L/N ? yes she replies turning around slowing stirring her drink. When we find the unsub I need you to stay behind hotch says plainly. With a look of pure astonishment y/n all but yells at her boss Why are you asking this of me ? To Simply put it Y/L/N you look too much like the victims and I believe your presence will trigger him and we may not be able to talk him down. Hotch states coldly. Y/n now agitated not breaking eye contact with her boss; With all due respect Hotchner I can take care of myself and if my presence prevents you or anyone else from being able to due their job than that's a personal problem and I will not accommodate that . Y/N leaves Hotch behind in the break room when she hears Gracias voice from the other room.

Garcia: If sketchy was a person it would be him. James Dillard 28 year old white man. Born and raised in North Carolina. He hasn't kept a steady job since 19 . He's been in and out of therapy centers for his constant anger outburst . Oh No that poor child no wonder he's so angry

Hotch: what is it Garcia ?

Garcia: When James was 9 he had a live in nanny who would verbally degrade him and lock him in closest for hours. beating the boy with anything and everything . The abuse continued for years until She was finally arrested.

Y/n: Who was she ?

Garcia: Amelia Jones. She was in her early twenties when arrested it looks like she died a week ago from a drunk driver. The story was all in the newspaper

JJ: That has to be his trigger

Alright everyone gear up Garcia the address Hotch says

Garcia: Right sir 543 Ward St

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 19

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: n/a (we’re at happier days i promise) Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

You didn’t have to wake up the next morning - you were already awake. It was a situation you hadn’t found yourself in in a pretty long time. Usually, you could power through, just take it like a woman, but last night had been too much. It went beyond just seeing Bucky’s actions. It crossed into a territory of feeling his shame, his hatred towards himself. You didn’t think that was going to leave you anytime soon. 

Due to the fact you were back on a regular schedule at work, you couldn’t ponder it. You felt like you had slipped back into the cycle except this time you were actually in contact with your soulmate. The prospects of it getting better fluctuated. 

After a quick shower, you tossed your bag together and began making your way out of the apartment. You were opening this morning at the shop alone and maybe that was for the best. No one needed to see you this exhausted. A couple - or dozen - shots of espresso should have you up and running for the morning rush. 

But when you began descending down the apartment building steps, you noticed a looming figure waiting on the sidewalk, looking towards the street. Your heart sank as you raced to the door. 

“Bucky?” You called out. He perked up, turning his head quickly towards you. He was sporting a bit of a black eye and cut above his lip. It was, without a doubt, him. You broke off into a run, throwing your arms around his neck. He welcomed it, pulling you in by your waist. You could feel yourself suddenly begin to weep.

“It’s me, doll,” he mumbled into your hair. His grip on you got tighter. 

“Are… Are you okay?” You asked as you pulled your head away from his chest to look up, inspecting the damage on his lovely face. His expression was sad and heavy. “I-I saw-”

But he cut you off before you could go any further, “I’m fine.” He knew what you saw. There was no need to dig up the grave.

You were relieved both regarding the fact you didn’t have to explain anything and that your soulmate was okay - or at least going to be. You relaxed slightly.

“I’m so glad,” you said. And you meant it wholeheartedly. “That was it, right? Those days are…” 

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, sweetheart. Hopefully, everything’s going to be a little bit easier now. Steve is passing along the news. From my understanding it’s going to take a little negotiating but... the Winter Soldier is going to be out of commission.” He let out a weak laugh but you didn’t find that last statement humoring.

“I never thought of you as the Winter Soldier. Not really Not - Not genuinely.” You sighed, your hand coming up to the non-injured side of his face. “You’re just Bucky. My Bucky. My soulmate.”

Bucky gave a small nod but from his eyes, you could tell he wasn’t fully convinced. He changed the subject swiftly, “Are you okay?”

You removed your arms from around his neck, almost wanting to put distance between you two, but Bucky wasn’t exactly letting up yet with an iron grip still on your waist. You settled for resting your hands on his chest.

“I’m going to be,” you shrugged. You just wanted to be honest. “Maybe it’ll take a minute or two but it’ll be alright. We’re going to be alright.”

Bucky gave a small smile in agreement before finally letting you out of his hold. He took a step back and then offered her arm towards you. You frowned, confused.

“What?” He scoffed. “Did you expect me to just show up and not walk you to work?”

You couldn’t help the smile that began spreading quickly across your lips. Without a second thought, you wrapped your hands around his bicep, moving in close to his strong body as you two started on the path towards the coffee shop. 

***

Amazingly, Bucky stayed with you for your entire shift. After you two arrived and you began setting up, you poured him a fresh cup of coffee while he grabbed the morning newspaper from the entrance stoop. He made himself comfortable at a table in the back of the shop where he sat reading the paper quite intensely. 

Just after the morning rush had died down, you got a bit concerned. Bucky was still at it, eyes roaming the words as he sipped his lukewarm coffee. You worried there was some article about him or that something from the mission was going to require more attention. But when you walked over to the table and peaked at the page, you found Bucky was reading the classifieds. 

“Looking for anything in particular?” You asked casually, trying to keep your voice light.

Bucky shrugged. “I was hoping there’d be some job openings I could apply for but I don’t know. I don’t think any of these places want a one-hundred-year-old ex-brainwashed assassin working for them.”

You frowned and glanced back at the front counter. When there was no sign of any customers ready to order, you sat down across from him.

“I don’t think anyone would turn down an Avenger,” you said. 

Bucky shook his head. “I wasn’t an Avenger, doll.”

You scoffed. “Fine. You were a freelance superhero.”

“I don’t know if that’s correct either-,”

“Bucky,” you sighed, “if you see something that catches your eye, you gotta go for it. Sure, maybe you’ll get passed on but, honey, that’s just the job-hunting process. Not sure if you had to deal with that back in the day or anything.” You let out a little giggle, mostly at the thought of teenage Bucky trying to man the counter of a store.

“I had a few jobs in my day, thank you very much,” He chuckled before folding up the newspaper. “Now,” he turned towards you, “when do you get off?”

You raised your brows. “You trying to pick me up or something, Barnes?”

His eyes shamelessly wandered over your form. You didn’t know what he was checking out as your apron wasn’t exactly the definition of sexy but with a little smirk, he responded, “All the time, doll.”

You felt your face get warm. “I’m off in a few hours, why?”

“Just wanted to take you on a date,” Bucky shrugged. “Said I was going to make it up to you when I got back, didn’t I?”

“Oh, Bucky, we don’t need to…”

He placed his hand over yours on the table. “Yes, I think we do.”

His look was serious despite the flirty tones. You weren’t inclined to argue. “Alright,” you nodded. “A date sounds lovely.”

After you agreed to a date, you gave Bucky a quick kiss before heading back to the counter. Your coworker had just arrived and was getting ready for her shift. From the expression on her face, you could tell she had witnessed your little love fest at the back table. You avoided her eyes as you started the coffee grinding machine.

“He’s really here,” your coworker whispered to you as she clocked in. You averted your gaze, trying to hide that blush on your cheeks that just wouldn’t go away. 

You nodded, “He is here.”

“How’s it been?” She asked. “Still in that honeymoon period?”

You moved towards cleaning the syrup bottles. “Well, it’s been quite the trip so far but I think we’re mellowing out.”

She hummed, intrigued. “If anyone would’ve told me after that day you broke down crying that you would eventually be falling head over heels for him, I would’ve said they were insane.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, glancing back over at where Bucky still sat, “it’s crazy, isn’t it?”

“That’s certainly one word for it.”

You stifled a laugh as a customer approached the counter. You jumped back into your job, your thoughts constantly wandering to your lovely soulmate sitting just feet away.

***

“Do you, like, enjoy surprising me or something?” You asked as you and Bucky walked hand-in-hand to whatever destination he was leading you towards.

Bucky chuckled, “I do get a kick out of it.”

Your shift had ended early after your coworker offered to take the rest of your hours. You had mentioned Bucky recently came back from an assignment and wanted to take you out. She immediately insisted you didn’t need to be spending your time serving coffee when you had a “gorgeous man” - her words, not yours, but you didn’t disagree - waiting. Bucky had looked so relieved when you told him you were off early, immediately grabbing your hand. 

The scenery became familiar. Confusion rushed over you as he stopped in front of the compound. You frowned, not sure this was the super cute romantic date you thought he had planned. 

Bucky must’ve noticed your disappointed look as he quickly explained, “I just need to grab something.”

You nodded, following him into the lobby. He asked you to wait right there then he was off. You stood around a bit awkwardly as it appeared to just be you and the front desk lady. She gave you a wave in greeting. You waved back. You felt a bit unsure if you should approach her, though. The past times you were living at the compound, you either never saw her or were too distraught to stop and chat. You did notice sometimes Steve would talk to her and even Bucky would say hello. 

“You’re Bucky’s soulmate, right?” The lady asked. You jumped, completely caught off-guard by her question.

“Oh, um, yeah,” you nodded, fumbling with your fingers awkwardly.

“Sorry, I don’t think I ever introduced myself. I’m Ella, the secretary.” 

You gave a small smile and shared your name with her. “Nice to meet you, Ella.”

You two had fallen into a bit of an awkward lull but luckily Bucky reappeared moments later. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder, his metal arm gripping its strap tightly. You wanted to ask what it was but before you could, he was grabbing your hand and exited the building. He called goodbye to Ella. 

“She seems nice,” you said as you continued to let Bucky guide you.

Bucky nodded. “I think she and Steve have something going on.”

“Hm, good for him,” you said.

You didn’t press any further, instead turning your attention back to wherever Bucky was taking you. You appeared to be making your way out of the city now, coming up on some park area. There wasn’t much around besides a chain coffee shop - one that could never match your place of employment. You had quite the brand loyalty. But Bucky walked right past it all, heading towards the pond in the center of the park.

Eventually, he stopped in the middle of the park lawn, just coming up to the edge of the water. You glanced around, only finding trees and the occasional chirping bird. You two appeared to be the only ones out today. You never recalled being around here before, usually not one for just hanging out in nature. 

Bucky, though, seemed fairly comfortable. He knelt down, placing the backpack beside him. He began unpacking it revealing a blanket and containers… A picnic, it dawned on you. He was setting up a picnic for you two. 

“Y-You planned a picnic?” You asked shyly as you sat on the blanket, watching Bucky spread out the packages of food. There were sandwiches, fruits, salads… 

Bucky blushed. “Well, I had some help from Steve but… Yeah, I wanted to do something a little different. I-I hope this is okay.”

You wanted to speak. You wanted to say that it was perfect. That he was perfect. That he was way better beyond your wildest dreams. That the nightmares you endured never, ever came close to representing who he truly was. That he was so much more than them. 

But words were failing you greatly so you took a spontaneous chance. A chance you never thought you'd be taking, not after everything you had endured. But you did and it somehow felt right.

You leaned over the blanket, over the lovely food that had been prepared, and snaked your arms around his neck. Bucky began to ask what you were doing but you quickly silenced him by placing your lips on his, all hot and needy. 

He was visibly surprised but reciprocated the action effortlessly. His arms came around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You let out a moan as you climbed into his lap, refusing to break the kiss. 

It was Bucky who eventually had to pull away for a second. He could feel where this kiss was going. And you playing with the ends of his hair wasn’t helping his situation. “W-We- We’re in a park, doll.”

You began littering his neck with kisses. “No one’s around,” you hummed. 

“The food-,”

“James,” you practically growled. 

Bucky chuckled, lowly. Dangerously. “You’re going to be the death of me.” His lips found yours seconds later. 

***

As you two laid in your bed later that night, you couldn’t believe how this, how everything, was panning out for you. Your mind shamelessly replayed your little park adventure which, yes, did eventually end with you two eating the food. But it had also lit something within you. You felt like you had after your first date all over again but stronger. Better. There were miles and miles to go on the recovery front but you could feel yourself getting somewhere. 

You shifted closer to Bucky who had fallen asleep a while ago after another round of glorious lovemaking. You just about lost track of how many times you two had gone at it today. 

You had just about surprised yourself with your boldness. The actions of sex were no longer scaring you as if you needed that push back into it. You don’t know what has caused it but there was a fire lighting in you. You probably could give some credit to therapy and time, healing time. The future was upon you. Everything seemed possible.

Softly, you leaned over and placed a kiss on Bucky’s lips causing him to stir a bit in his sleep. 

Groggy, he mumbled, “Everything okay?”

You placed your head on his chest. His arm came around your shoulder, whisking you in tightly. You sighed. “Yeah, Buck, everything’s okay.”

He hummed. “Good night, doll.” 

“Good night,” you whispered back. 

It took a bit of psyching yourself up but you eventually closed your eyes, trying to let sleep find you instead of you chasing it. 

Darkness filled your vision. And then there was Bucky.

[wingsofanillyrian]

Lights Over Monaco: Chapter 1

ITS HERE! I plan on updating this weekly/biweekly, based on how busy I am. Let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list! 

Special thank you to my new F1 friend for inspiring this fic as well as being my beta reader, @acourtofcouture​ ! F1 fans out there, her fics are AMAZING

Chapter Masterlist

F1 Glossary

----------------

Nesta Archeron discovered Formula 1 when she was 9 years old. She woke before the sun one Sunday morning, quietly excited to have the television all to herself and watch whatever cartoons she wanted. But she couldn’t remember what channel they were on, instead flipping through the programs. She had almost given up when she stumbled across a race.

The moment she had seen the brightly colored open-wheeled cars flash across the screen, she paused. For whatever reason, the high pitched wasp-like scream of the twelve cylinder engines and the astonishing speed that the drivers were travelling enthralled young Nesta. She didn’t look away once for the rest of the race, or even for the post-race interviews and wrap up that most adults skipped. Something about it had her adrenaline pumping.

Nesta traded her dolls for matchbox cars, and when she grew older, picked up racing magazines instead of teen ones. Ever since that day, Formula 1 consumed her. No matter how the other kids or her two younger sisters teased her for it, her love for the sport never tarnished. 

She spent years getting up at 2 am to watch live races that were being held halfway around the world. Instead of going to her senior prom, Nesta stayed home and layed out her predictions for the season’s drivers and constructors championships. She didn’t know how to do anything half-ass. She poured her whole heart into the sport and devoted her life to it.

**********

Nesta spent her 24th birthday working. It wasn’t like she could request the day off, not that it mattered. The racetrack at Monaco was exactly where she would have been anyway, working or not.

A press pass got her through the first security checkpoint. The team tents loomed ahead as she waited for personnel to cross the unstriped asphalt, inching her car carefully through the throngs of people. She rolled her window down, soaking in the sound of air tools and snippets of conversations. 

Street tracks like Monaco were her favorite. They required drivers to push themselves with plenty of technical corners and dramatic incidents. There was less room for error, as the tracks themselves were not as wide. Drivers had to know their limits and follow the racing line closely.

Race tracks were Nesta’s comfort zone. She knew each track on the calendar like the back of her hand. Every turn was permanently etched in her mind like words on a tombstone. Race weekends followed a set schedule, something that she could appreciate. Friday: practice laps. Saturday: more practice, followed by qualifying, where each driver got the chance to set the fastest lap and secure a spot in the starting line up for the main event on Sunday.

Before she had graduated college, Nesta had managed to fully entrench herself in the world of Formula 1. Securing an internship at ESPN her sophomore year, she had made herself indispensable to the crusty old man that had been the senior track side reporter for decades. She studied everything he did and the questions he asked each driver, noting what changes she would have made. Somehow, he came to admire her spirit and taught her the tricks of the trade.

When he retired the year after Nesta graduated, he went to the board of directors and personally recommended her to fill his spot. She waited two agonizing days for their decision. 

Using whatever means necessary, Nesta had clawed her way to the top and cemented her reputation as the most cutthroat reporter in the industry. Her goal had been for everyone in motorsport to know her name, and in only two years, she had done so. Better yet, she had caught the eye of one of the fastest drivers on the grid.

Her phone rang just as she pulled into the press parking area. She answered, not bothering to check the caller ID. “Hello?”

Tomas’ velvety voice thundered through the speakers of her Civic. “Hey baby. You here yet?”

“Just pulled in,” She replied, touching up her makeup in the rearview. 

“Right on time for a quickie. Meet me at my trailer in five.”

Tomas had already hung up before she had the chance to protest. Both their reputations hinged on their relationship staying secret. If the press caught wind that she was fucking a driver, her credibility would go out the window, and Tomas would be the laughing stock of the grid. So sneaking into his trailer wasn’t exactly the type of discreet she was aiming for.

Tomas Mandray had been racing for Red Bull for two years when she had scored her first exclusive interview with him. He had just been awarded pole position at the Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona, and Nesta had sweet talked her way into the paddock. It had taken minutes for his charming blue eyes to enchant her. He had won that race, and taken her to bed straight after. 

The sex was great, but that’s all it ever was. Their relationship was purely based on the physical; nothing emotional on either end. They had agreed on that from the start. Just sex.

Unfortunately for Nesta, somewhere along the way it had become something more.

Sighing, she put on her oversized sunglasses and hid her tawny hair under a gauzy scarf. The fashion wouldn’t stand out at all amongst the celebrities that frequented the Monaco Grand Prix. Going over the top here was expected; Monaco was known for its money. Due to the lack of income tax, Monaco was a haven for white collar delinquents and royalty alike. Lamborghini’s and Ferrari’s were commonplace, and women wore rings that could set a jewel thief up for life. 

No one bothered her as she strode towards the pit checkpoint, flashing her press badge to get by. She fell into her usual cadence, exuding an air of importance and invincibility. Seemingly without realizing, people moved out of her way when they saw her coming. The navy, red, and yellow of the Redbull tent came into view, and Nesta inserted herself into the crowd of mechanics and VIPs to get past security. Press wasn’t allowed in the area until after the race.

Nesta broke away once inside, heading down a back corridor. She knew the layout by heart, having walked the path many times. The door at the end of the hall led outside to Tomas’ private trailer. She didn’t bother to knock before entering. Tomas would already be waiting for her.

He set down his phone as she entered. “Finally,” He said with a savage grin. “We only have a few minutes.”

****************

Tomas left as soon as he finished, donning his jumpsuit without so much as a kiss goodbye. Utterly used to the behavior, Nesta straightened her clothes and again touched up her makeup before heading back out.

She was scheduled to conduct a pre-race interview with Cassian Valle in the Mercedes tent in twenty minutes. Redbull and Mercedes were at opposite ends of the pit, giving her plenty of time to think.

Truthfully, Nesta was dreading the interaction. Cassian was an arrogant ass. She couldn’t stand interviewing him; all he did was skirt around questions and try to flirt, which made it incredibly difficult to get any headline-worthy tidbits from him.

Azriel Sainz, Cassian’s teammate at Mercedes, was much more amiable. He was mostly forgettable and quiet, but always gave her something to work with and was sometimes downright pleasant to talk to. She could understand why the public loved him, but not why they were so enamored with Cassian. Sure, he was a three time world champion, and that earned him plenty of fans, but he was just so… dreadful.

She made it to the Mercedes pit just minutes before the scheduled time, immediately spotting her tense cameraman, Jacob. Slim built, he was average looking, nothing special. He was sweet though, if not a bit of a pushover.

“Where the hell have you been?” He hissed, chocolate brown eyes wide. “Valle is waiting.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, handing Jacob her sunglasses and the scarf. “I’m here now, aren’t I? Not my fault if he was early.” Nesta accepted her microphone and rolled her shoulders. “Let’s get this over with then.”

“Happy birthday by the way,” Jacob added. Yes, there was the pushover side shining through. 

Nesta threw a grin at him over her shoulder. “Thanks.”

Cassian’s back was to her as she approached, his white Mercedes jumpsuit half on, the arms of it cinched around his waist. The crisp gray shirt he wore left little to the imagination, hugging his sculpted form. Good; at least that would capture the attention of any women that might be watching. As would the deep brown curl that fell in his face when he turned to her.

“If it isn’t my very favorite reporter,” He crooned, a grin plastered on his face. “Took you long enough to get here. I also hear it’s your birthday.” Nesta glared at Jacob. He shrank under her steely look, an apology stumbling from his lips.

“I would give you a birthday kiss, but I think you’d knock me out if I offered.”

Nesta pointedly ignored him, “Let’s just get on with it,” She said, motioning to Jacob to start recording. Once he signaled he was ready, Nesta breathed deep, the sweet scent of high octane fuel assaulting her senses. It steadied her, and she slipped into her professional mask before turning to the camera.

“As we all know, the Monaco Grand Prix offers drivers a unique set of challenges. The two-mile street course has 19 technical corners with little room for error. It is in Monaco that we get to see who has what it takes to be a Formula 1 champion.” She turned to Cassian, gave him a professional smile and continued.

“Last year, you had a puncture at turn seven when you ran over some debris. Coupled with the fumble the pit crew had with not having your tires ready when you came into the pit, you finished a disappointing 12th place, winning you no points in the driver’s championship. Do you expect that this year will be better, or will you stick to your usual aggressive driving style?”

Cassian laughed, running a hand through his unbound curls. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be changing anything. You can expect to see me on the podium, sweetheart. Most likely in first.”

Nesta grit her teeth. She couldn’t air that, and he knew it. “How about you answer the question without trying to piss me off?”

“It’s too easy,” Cassian said, that devilish grin returning. Nesta cut him a glare that simmered with violence. “Alright fine,” He relented, putting his hands up. “Go again.”

She repeated her question, and this time he answered, “I don’t really see any need to change my driving style, what happened last year was a fluke. I went wide on the turn and didn’t notice Vanserra's front wing until the last second and wasn’t able to change course.” Nesta nodded, encouraging him to go on. “I don't see myself making any mistakes like that this year. You can expect to see me on the podium, most likely in first.”

“Thank you for that Cassian. Good luck on the track today.”

“Thank you,” He said, waving at the camera. He paused before adding, “Though I won’t need luck.”

Nesta rolled her eyes and signaled for Jacob to cut the recording. At least that last bit could be edited out. “You are absolutely insufferable, you know that?”

Cassian shrugged, undoing the arms of his fire suit and slipping into them. “I do my best.” He winked at her before zipping up his suit, opening his mouth to say something else when the Mercedes team principal, Rhysand, barked at him to get his ass in gear. He gave Nesta a wordless salute before jogging off.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Jacob said, packing up his camera. “That guy has balls.”

“He’s a Formula 1 driver,” Nesta said simply, putting her sunglasses back on. “Of course he does.”

**********

Nesta watched the 78 lap race from the press box, silently cheering Tomas on. Each time the pack of cars passed, the windows rattled, doing little to muffle the engine noise. She chatted with the others as necessary, keeping one eye on the tarmac below. Tomas had started from pole position, and held onto first place until the final 10 laps. He had attempted to lap an AlphaTauri driver when the driver had failed to yield, violating FIA regulations. The two had bumped tires in what was ruled a racing incident, but Nesta knew better. Tomas had lost his cool and nudged the other driver on purpose, nearly sending him into the wall. 

It was a bad call on Tomas’ part, as the comfortable four second lead he had held over second place shattered. Nesta swore under her breath as Cassian overtook Tomas, her heart dropping when the other Mercedes driver, Azriel, did the same. Tomas would not be happy about that. 

When the checkered flag waved, Cassian was first, Azriel second, and Tomas third.  The winners parked before the podium, anger radiating from Tomas as he tore his helmet off. Tamlin, the Redbull team principal, said something to Tomas that had his cheeks burning red. 

Nesta grabbed Jacob and headed for the press room. They had a half hour tops before the post-race interviews started, and Nesta had to make sure she was front row. Though it didn’t matter where she sat; she always made sure her questions were answered.

It was more so for Tomas. She wanted him to see her, to see the understanding on her face and know she supported him even when he didn't win.

They were first to the press room, and Nesta had ample time to prepare questions. She couldn’t question Tomas, or she risked uncapping his rage. Instead, she jotted down a question she knew would shift the focus from Tomas to the Mercedes drivers.

Reporters began filing in, vying for the perfect spot and debating the race results with one another. Nesta remained in her seat, determined to maintain her composure as her stomach churned. Tomas finally entered, jaw set as he took his place on the stage. Nesta tried to subtly catch his eye, but he pointedly avoided looking at her. 

Cassian and Azriel entered, laughing and congratulating each other. Nesta noted the slight change in Tomas’ posture, the only hint of the blood boiling beneath his skin. Cameras flashed, reporters shouted, but still Nesta remained seated. Cassian, at least, sought her out in the crowd, and flashed her an ‘I-told-you-so’ grin when he found her. Once the clamor had died down, Nesta stood. The room quieted further, the others having learned not to talk over her if they valued their jobs. Nesta had a knack for digging up dirt on anyone she pleased.

Her eyes were still locked on Cassian as the moderator indicated she could ask her question. 

“Azriel,” She started, turning to the dark haired man, “You were lucky you were able to take second in this race, after the incident in turn twelve on lap 27 when you sustained heavy damage to your front wing, thanks to the actions of your teammate. Does it ever get under your skin that Valle’s overly-aggressive driving threatens your own position in the championship?”

The room was silent. Tomas hid his grin behind a well-manicured hand. Cassian’s eyes narrowed, a muscle in his jaw fluttering. Good; she had hit a nerve. Azriel shrugged, crossing his arms. 

“It was a racing incident. Could have happened to anyone. I don’t think the blame lays entirely with Cassian; I could have given him more room on the corner.”

And that was that. Nesta didn’t ask any more questions, but she could feel Cassian glaring at her throughout. At the end of the interview, all three drivers thanked everyone before leaving.

As Nesta made her way back to her car, she texted Tomas.

You okay?

Her heart pounded as she waited for the reply. Her phone buzzed minutes later.

I’ll be home late. Party at the Redbull house.

Oh. Okay. See you later then.

“Happy birthday to me,” She muttered, stuffing the phone in her pocket.

Nesta wasn’t sure why his reply stung, but it cut deep. She had hoped that he would want to see her instead of going to another party and spend time with her on her birthday. Instead, he would probably stick his tongue down another woman’s throat like usual. She couldn’t really blame him. Their relationship had to remain secret and to do so, Tomas had to maintain his playboy aura. It wasn’t really cheating if she had agreed to it.

But if that were true, why did it hurt so fucking bad when he did?

Some of her tension eased when she finally spied her car in the lot. The Blue Bullet, she had nicknamed it, due to the strikingly bright paint. It was the first purchase she had made upon being promoted, and it had since become her pride and joy. She had chosen it because it set lap records left and right when it had hit the market a few years back, and she had craved speed her whole life. On city streets, this car was the closest she could get to experiencing Formula 1 without completely breaking the bank.

“How about you don’t ask stupid fucking questions next time your prettyboy loses?”

Nesta’s breath hitched. Your prettyboy. The accusation was clear. Her hand slipped from the door handle, turning towards the voice. If he knew… If he knew about her and Tomas, they were done for. She willed her voice into solid steel.

“Cassian. I would advise you to choose your next words wisely.”

He placed a hand on her Civic, getting in her face. “Racing means you have racing incidents. I don’t expect you to understand, seeing as you’ve never been behind the wheel of a real race car.” He sneered at her car, the insult striking home.

Fear faded, replaced by a rising wave of scarlett rage. Nesta’s gaze stuck to where his hand lay on the bright blue paint, utterly vexed by the infringement. She bared her teeth at him, rising to the challenge in Cassian’s flaming hazel eyes. 

“Get. Off.”

Cassian started at the command in her tone and obeyed. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. “Understanding the nuances of Formula 1 is my job description. I asked about that incident because I knew it would piss you off. Looks like I was right huh?” Her temper was getting the better of her. “And by the way, would it kill you to give me a decent quote once in a while, instead of always trying to get in my pants?”

“I do not-”

“Oh go fuck yourself,” Nesta scoffed, yanking the door open. 

The corners of his mouth twitched upward as she slammed the car door. “I was already planning on it.”

Those parting words haunted her drive home, even as she took the long way in hopes of blowing off steam. She shifted through the gears, throwing the Civic around corners much faster than was probably safe. Nesta didn’t care; her head was a mess. At least he hadn’t mentioned anything more about Tomas. Maybe Cassian had just thought she had a crush, based on the way she had been looking at him during the conference. Gods, she couldn’t get Cassian out of her head. 

His grin followed her up the stairs to her apartment, where she snapped the curtains shut. She couldn’t bear to look out over the track any longer today. 

Those words echoed in her head as she brushed her teeth and crawled into bed alone. Swam through her thoughts of Tomas, as she struggled to keep her eyes open when the clock showed 1 am. As she finally gave in, they were her last thought. 

I was already planning on it. 

@aphoeni @planet-faerie  @nina-zcnik @linsimin @that-little-red-head @teagoddess99 @enpointe10 @electronicstrawberrystrawberry @awesomelena555 @iptneus @weesablackbeak @wonderland--memories @nessian-trash-heap @magicalwaterfall @perfectlyimpxrfect @cassians-wings @valkyrie-archeron @acourtofcouture @nesemryn @chloepereyra @illyrianshadowhunter​ 

[kenmasgameboy]

chapter 19: i’m about to drop a massive load

previous…next

masterlist

kuroo tetsurou came into y/n’s life when she needed him to fuck it up the most.

╭⋟─────────────────────╮

[1:58 PM]

Finally feeling the soft warmth of your PE clothes, with Kuroo’s large blazer hanging on your shoulders for extra protection, you bravely took the long walk of shame to the vice principals office. Your hair was half dried, and your hands and knees were covered in bandages. Your face was also still swollen. You were sure you probably looked like a nightmare. You played with your hands while you walked, trying to avoid the stares from the kids in the classes you walk past in the hallway. 

Of course you had to walk past Kuroo’s classroom. You cursed the architects who put the principals offices at the hallway that made you cross through here. His classmates didn’t even try to hide their whispers either as you walked past. You kept your head down, fiddling with your fingers that were still sore and stiff from the scabs. 

“Can I use the restroom?” Your shoulders stiffed as you heard Kuroo’s voice. 

“There’s less than an hour left in class, can you hold it?” 

“No, sir. I’m about to drop a massive load.”

“Y/N.” Kuroo was in the hallway now, just a few paces behind you. You were stopped in between classrooms. His voice was gentle now, low enough to not be heard in the classrooms.

“Wait.” You paused, not turning around. You couldn’t look at him, and if you walked in front of the other classes it would be talked about. But mainly it was embarrassing to look at him. “I’ll go first. Then.. at the end of the hall.”

Kuroo nodded, even though you couldn’t see him. He understood you didn’t want to make anyone more suspicious. He stayed where he was, like a little puppy wagging his tail. He got to watch you walk down the hallway to the end then continued down the path to reach your side.

Kuroo nodded, even though you couldn’t see him. He stayed where he was, like a little puppy wagging his tail. He got to watch you walk down the hallway to the end then continued down the path to reach your side.

“What are you doing leaving class? That’s going to look so suspicious.” You hit his bicep.

“I don’t care, I needed to know if you’re okay.” Kuroo said, his eyes were so full of care it embarrassed you. How could you ever look him in the eyes again. Your lack of eye contact with him made Kuroo feel nervous, “Are you mad at me?”

“Huh?” You looked up at him, surprised at the question, “No?”

“Why did you sound so unsure? It’s okay if you are, a lot happened to you today because of me.” He said, trying his best to keep his distance from you.

“I don’t blame you for that... I blame those girls. You’re the reason I was able to get out okay. I’m.. I’m really glad you came there.” You sighed, feeling guilty. You bowed to him, “I’m sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologizing?” Kuroo checked the halls to double check you were alone.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was happening. I felt confused, and I keep causing more trouble and worry for you. You’ve done nothing but be honest with me recently and I didn’t return that favor.” You said, raising your head a little to see Kuroo smiling.

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s honestly fair after what I did. Plus, you would’ve been able to get yourself out of that situation on your own. I just helped you because I like you. So no more keeping things from each other, yeah? As glad as I am that you can trust me to help you fix things now, it always ends up worse if you don’t tell me whats going on. And I promise to do tell you everything too.” Kuroo reached for the fabric of his blazer over your shoulders, adjusting it tighter around you. Inside he felt like breaking down again and catching his cool. He offers his pinky finger. “Promise?”

“Promise.” You responded, wrapping your smaller finger around his larger one. His pinky finger was like the size of your index finger. You smiled at the difference and found yourself not releasing it.

“You’re cute.” He breathed out the compliment, it shocked you back to reality. You retracted your pinky quickly, adjusting your hair.

“Huh? Y–You.. Uh.. did you mean...um..?” You shyly held your finger. How could Kuroo look so confident right now? You were about to ask such an awkward question. “D-did you mean that thing you said?”

“Which thing?” He innocently asked, inching closer. His fingers recapturing yours, playing with the tips of your fingers. You could see through his innocent act, it made you annoyed that he was making fun of you right now.

“That I’m... you know... your... do I have to say it? You know what I’m going to say.” You stared down at your shoes, somehow you’d ended up backing up against the hallway wall. Kuroo was a few inches from you again.

“How can I answer a question if you haven’t asked it?” He smirked, knowing he had you where he wanted you. He knew he was being evil, but he really couldn’t help it. Seeing you like this made him too happy, it was the moments that gave him hope you felt the same way as he did. His inner self wanting to scream at your cute reactions. You were pouting, but your hands were sweaty with nervous.

“That I’m your g–girlfriend?” You finally asked it, looking down at the floor. Your voice getting softer with every word.

Then Kuroo’s hand held your chin up, he leaned down to speak directly into your ear: “Do you want me to mean it?” 

Goosebumps trickled down your spine causing your shoulders to wiggle and you smacked a hand over your ear. Turning to look over your right shoulder to avoid looking at him.

“I–I don’t know.” You blatantly lied. And you felt bad about it afterward, you wanted to say yes, but you couldn’t yet. You weren’t ready.

“That’s okay. I didn’t expect you to answer that honestly..” Kuroo moved to lean against the wall on your right to be in your vision,“I do want to be your boyfriend. But I’ll wait to ask you properly before we can consider it official.” 

“What do you mean by that?” You finally made eye contact with him. He stuck his feet out further to lower his torso to your level. His large shoulder only a static shock away from yours.  

“What I mean is: I like you, Y/N. A lot. And I really do want you to be my girlfriend and I do want to shout it out to the world. But not when I didn’t consult you and have your explicit permission first. I want you to want me, too. But don’t worry, I’ll continue to be your boyfriend at school, for body guard purposes, of course.” He smirked, “Just until you tell me you’re decision. I’ll wait until we’re both ready.”

Kuroo waited for your reaction, when there wasn’t much of one he shrugged it off. He stood up straight in front of you, sighing he got off the wall. He shoved his hands into his pockets to prepare to go back to his class, “But don’t think I’ll wait quietly–”

Before he started talking again, for just a moment you got scared he was going to leave you. You wanted him to know that just because you didn’t respond that didn’t mean you weren’t listening. You reached out to grab his sleeve instinctively.

“Ah! Sorry.” You sheepishly scratched the back of your head with your free hand, “Do you– I should give your blazer back. It’s cold, I–”

“Even more reason for you to keep it for now. I can’t bodyguard you if you have a cold. Give it back to me later... when I walk you home.” Kuroo said, his smile radiant in the hallway. It’s been too long, you knew you had to go to the office but when he stood there looking like that you couldn’t help but want to stay where you were.

He’s beautiful.

The windows behind Tetsurou poured in the late afternoon sun. His silhouette being outlined by beautiful golden light. His hair looked so soft, you really wanted to touch it and hold his cheeks in your hands. The sunlight reflecting as little amber specks in his eyes.

“Yeah?” Kuroo snapped you out of your daydream. You forgot you were still hanging onto his sleeve.

“Don’t go back yet...” You whispered, pulling on his sleeve again. He liked how you showed what you wanted to say. Looking at your embarrassed expression put a serious strain on his heart. “I, um, think I need a body guard to go to the vice principals office.” 

Kuroo took your hand off his sleeve and held it in his own, fitting his large fingers in the crevices of yours. He began guiding you to the office, looking over his shoulder at you, “Allow me.”

Your hands sat sweaty and cold in contrast to his warmth and firm grip. It felt comforting, never once when he touched you did it feel uncomfortable or creepy.

“What are your plans this weekend?” Kuroo cleared his throat to ask, a hint of pink dusting across the tops of his cheekbones.

“Studying, why?” You asked, both of you weren’t looking at each other.

“Can I take you on a.. on a date this weekend?” Kuroo asked as strong as he possibly could. He looked to you for your answer.

You nodded a slow but sure yes, Tetsurou smiled again. Savoring the memory of seeing you hiding a smile from him. A long breath was released from his nose as if he had been holding onto it this whole time.

He squeezed your hand tight, you squeezed back.

He may not be officially yours, but every moment you spend with him he feels more and more permanent in your life.

╰─────────────────────⋞╯

@chibishae34 @firebonbon @ushiwakasthighs @koukamisblog @ari-hatake15 @nohxmanity @chaelysian @whatevenisapaige @haikyuufairy @ushiwakaismybae @kalesveggietales @starry-magicshop @iwanttogotopluto @cuddlesslut @keijisangels-main @roseestuosity @prcttylittlcthing @its-bnha-babe @90s-belladonna @insomniish @johnnysactualgf @boosyboo9206 @animewithmemes @gemswrites @jvhoons @i8bbflesh @anejuuuuoy @rd-crew @haikyuubabie @lostmarimoismyhubby @valory-funkzie @nellieleverlin @mariachiii @dishonestkilla @angyboibakugo @anhphunnnn @todo-shotoroki @dawnsbaby @pharvhs @bokutoswaifuu @saturnfairie @laceymorganwrites @neomemartin8383 @coldclambandittrash @oikaw-ugh @airheadpillar @unstableye @bestboitsukki @wishingforanother @churochuu @elianetsantana @bokutoho3 @winunk @bellesowl @onepiece-writting-forest @just-snog-already @pansinspace @hoekageyama @deephumandragonperson @kagebunshiin @thathoneybee3 @moonlightaangel @mint-mai @semiathleticnerdykid @aurorahoneybuns @dragon-flyyyyyyy @timeskipiwaizumi @chaseyui @makemealivee @strawberry-mentos @marifujioka @urbasicaveragegirl @leinnah @deephumandragonperson @kagebunshiin @moonlightaangel @thathoneybee3 @ysatrap @volley-simp @runningwitches @graykageyama @angrylittleriri @rowley-with-ackerman @amberalisa @izzy28901 @allformochi @its-babybitch @katsukisbayy @shadowpurr @bombardia @lena-davina @lovinsugamomma  @jexiiann @coffeebuns125 @isseowhoa @minisqgas​ @moremilkforkags​ @milktyama​ + if your name is crossed out the tag didn’t work, and i’ll be putting it in the comments to try again. I’m sorry if it’s my fault it’s not working on my end!

+ to be added please send an ASK.

god i hope this makes sense i wrote this at 6am last night omfg pls give me validation, ALSO this is NOT the last chapter we arent’ there yet dont get it twisted pls there will be a few more

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...

Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.

43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.

42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.

41 You Complete Me - no you do not.

40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.

39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.

38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.

37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.

36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.

35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.

34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.

33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.

32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.

31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.

30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.

29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.

28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.

27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.

26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.

25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.

24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!

23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.

22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.

21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.

20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.

19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.

18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.

17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.

17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.

16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.

15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.

14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.

13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.

12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.

11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.

10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.

10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)

9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)

8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!

7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.

6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)

5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.

4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.

3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.

2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.

1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.

WORST DRAMA

Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++

Runner Up:  Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.

Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.

Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.

NOTP

Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.

FAVORITE SCENE

It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way,  from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years. 

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.

ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)

Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love

[stomp-that-ho-regard]

Retcon

noun

(in a film, television series, or other fictional work) a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events, typically used to facilitate a dramatic plot shift or account for an inconsistency.

verb

revise (an aspect of a fictional work) retrospectively, typically by introducing a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events.

Retroactive Continuity

Reframing past events to serve a current plot need. [...] In its most basic form, this is any plot point that was not intended from the beginning. [...]

Post-hiatus C2, and the Great Retcon... 

(The retconning really started with the playlists, but we’ll come back to those.)

First, some context:

SDCC (July ‘18) - Marisha was asked directly about Beau and Yasha and if she and Ashley had discussed it. “After the first few times that I kinda put the moves on her, we were at break, and I could sense that Ashley was wanting to ask me something. And she was like, ‘Hey, I’m just curious... is Beau- ’ And at that exact moment someone’s like, ‘Yo Ashley! We gotta go! We gotta get on stage!’ And I was like, ‘Bye!’” Then Brian asked, “And you haven’t had a further conversation about it?” Marisha said, “Nope!”

(Seven months into the campaign, and no discussions. Hmm.)

NYCC (Oct. ‘18) - Marisha was asked about who would Beau get flustered over if they ever flirted back, and yes, she said Yasha and laughed, but then said, “It’s like throwing pebbles at a brick wall.” Meaning, she was putting stuff out there and not getting anything back. (And, she really wasn’t. I still remember when a major portion of the fandom, including the diehard shippers [of which I was one at the time], weren’t sure if Ashley was even interested in this. More than that, it wasn’t until the Zuala reveal, that the fandom and the players found out for certain that Yasha was actually into women.) 

(To me, Marisha’s answer here also suggests that at this point, there were still no discussions.)

Talks Machina for ep61 (May ‘19) - Marisha was asked ‘What was going through Beau's mind when Yasha revealed her past with Zuala? Has this changed any feelings Beau might have? Or has Beau's character growth allowed her to mature a little more with regards to her feelings about Yasha?’ Which Marisha instantly pegged as a shipping question. And she said, “I’m trying to figure out a way to answer this to not ruin everyone’s internal canon, in their brains. I don’t want people to overestimate Beau’s intentions towards Yasha. But then also, is that on me? Have I been leading everybody on?”

So, you had all of that, all the way up to ep61.

None of this indicates that ‘it’s been happening since ep1′ or that it’s ‘the slowest of slow burns.’ In fact, it shuts that down completely.

Moving forward to the Beau and Fjord convo (ep108)...

Marisha suddenly having Beau say “There was something about Yasha from the moment that I saw her”. She’s retrospectively attempting to give that moment more weight, when (based on the examples above) we know that the over-the-top flirting was just for fun. And truthfully, she really wasn’t flirting with Yasha any differently than she was flirting with any hot female NPC the party crossed paths with.

And now it’s clear that that one line she said is the reason why BY shippers have suddenly clung on to the idea that “It’s been happening since episode one! SLOooOowBuUuuUrn!!!!!” when its clear that it was not planned. (Not before the hiatus-from-hell, anyway.)

Then Marisha having Beau go from describing Jester as “She's fun. She makes me laugh. I like her ridiculous plans. I think she's complicated and layered.” to “It’s easy to lust after her”. I’ll direct you to Talks for ep85. After Marisha had mentioned that it was a bunch of little things that build, and then pinpointed a few of them, Brian tried to make a joke and said “So you’re saying it’s been more a series, than just one moment that you can point to and say ‘It was right here when I went, let’s fuck!’” Marisha specifically countered that with “It’s not even about 'let’s fuck’. It’s nothing sexual in this case.” (Having her backpedal on this so heavily was such a huge gut punch and was the thing that wholly soured everything for me.)

There were so many better, more delicate ways Marisha could’ve had Beau examine/come to grips with her feelings for both women, but all the reduction and saying they were ‘transferable’ was nothing short of insulting.

On that same Talks episode, Marisha also said this: “Going into this campaign all of us were like, ‘No relationships!’ I didn’t want it! I didn’t ask for this!”, while smiling. What this shows me is that she was thinking of a relationship in regards to Beau’s feelings for Jester. As if she was maybe even anticipating this culminating into something? Why even mention relationships at all if this was nothing serious and was always meant to fall by the wayside?

Brian then followed up with, “In my opinion, as a viewer, Beau’s someone who seems to be on the search for innocence. Whether innocence lost or just innocence in general. And to me it makes sense that you would be attracted to someone who exudes genuine and sort of intrinsic innocence.” Marisha replied with “Fairly astute.”

The next question was, ‘Beau has taken a pretty casual, no-strings-attached approach toward sex and relationships so far. How do her feelings for Jester compare to her previous romantic flings?’ Marisha answered immediately and very seriously with, “Noncomparable. It’s more than that.” She wasn’t playing coy and it didn’t take her a century to find the words. She didn’t even have to think about it. Succinct and direct.

How did all of that ‘organically’ disappear completely, after only 14 episodes?

(Everything felt more genuine back then, because it seemed like Marisha was going where the character was taking her, and not where she thought the character should be going.)

Post-hiatus, everyone and their mother are acting like BY is some epic romance-of-the-ages that was all mapped out, and like Beau having feelings for Jester was just some sort of temporary curveball. That Beau was confused, or was just missing Yasha and projected onto Jester. 

That’s really fucked up no matter how you try to justify it. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen another piece of media backpedal this hard, and this callously.

None of that squares with what we were shown or with what we were told. Until, everybody made a hard pivot and now they've done (and continue to) do everything they can to rewrite campaign history, even though we have plenty of footage that contradicts the new ‘company line’.

Now, where the retconning truly began, with the playlists...

Remember the first round of playlists? Those were released randomly, whenever the cast felt like posting them. I also don’t remember there being announcements every time one came out either.

This time though, they had a fixed schedule, complete with official twitter announcements. As they started to just get back into the swing of things, Yasha’s playlist was released right after the first episode back.

So, right out of the gate, they had to make sure they started to drill home a certain mindset for viewers. That’s why Yasha had a song called ‘Let Me Hold You’. (Lo and behold, a few episodes in, Beau randomly asks Yasha to hold her.)  A few weeks later, Beau’s playlist was released, and there was a song with the caption saying ‘Ultimately, all she really wants is someone to hold, and someone to hold her’. (But sure, no planning here! The wording is just a total coincidence, folks!)  

The other song, directly about Yasha, mentions ‘a crush forged in battle’ (ok), and ‘awkward flirtations’ (???). Yasha never openly flirted with Beau before the hiatus, until maybe right after the Obann arc, in a very vague way.

On Beau’s playlist, there’s nothing about Jester. The one track that mentions her is actually about Artagan. Which, after all they’ve been through together, is fucking ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

In addition to that, Marisha had made Beau’s time in Kamordah (ep92/e93), and the incidents with her family and the Hag, about the group now, not about Jester, fully contradicting her own reiterated words that ‘Jester saved Beau’.

When Beau was talking to her dad, reverting back to her old self and getting all riled up, Jester helped her in that moment, and saved her. Yes, the group was very supportive, and yes, Yasha said something to him before they left the house (that Beau was out of earshot for by the way), but Jester was Beau’s rock throughout that whole thing. 

With the Hag, when the group was having a hard time coming up with a solution, and they realized they might actually lose Beau, Jester stepped up and took control of the situation. She, single-handedly, saved Beau/the group from the Hag. And with that, Jester also became Beau’s hero.

In both instances, Marisha thanked Laura/Jester. First on Talks for ep92 with both of them on it. She reiterated, “You saved me. You saved Beau.” Then on Twitter after ep93 with, “Still processing last night. Saved by a cupcake? Eh - saved by @LauraBaileyVO ... again.” 

But now suddenly, it’s the group. Just the group? 

Now, don’t get me wrong. The entire party showing Beau support was incredibly important. The M9 showed her that they value her, that she’s important to them. It solidified the theme of ‘found family’, which was beautiful. But, to not also highlight how crucial Jester was in all of this, after making such a big deal about it? 

That is very deliberate retconning of some hugely important, highly emotional moments for Beau that directly involved Jester.

Any of Beau’s organic and genuine connection with Jester (which encompasses their deep friendship as well as Beau’s romantic feelings) has been massively reduced (and now erased), specifically to prop up a supposed ‘deep’ connection with someone else that was barely ever there, is still barely there, and has no actual depth at all.

Case in point, the BY date (ep126) showcased this fact to the most extreme degree...

Yasha’s infamous line: “I fell in love with you in Kamordah.” So, Yasha literally watched Beau relive her childhood trauma, and caught feelings during it. I’m not wrong in thinking that that’s just a little disturbing, am I? Also, if that’s the moment she supposedly fell for her, why did she not offer her any form of help? I mean, besides that one sweet moment with TJ, the entire time Beau was in Kamordah, she was the most broken down she’d ever been and needed some real comfort, which is something Yasha did not give her. (Jester did though. In spades.)

So, on multiple levels, this seems highly out-of-place. 

Several people have said that that line was not thought through. In my opinion, it actually was thought through and was only said specifically to have viewers completely dismiss everything else that happened in the Kamordah episodes. Despite the FACT that Beau and Yasha barely interacted during those episodes, they have now stripped down the party’s experience there, and twisted it into a giant BY shipping moment. (Further feeding into the retcon.)

Their ‘trip down memory lane’ was laughable. Most of the things that were mentioned, Yasha wasn’t even around for. 

Gee, remember when the cast was actually good at separating what they knew from what their character knew? When you start injecting what you know into your character (who isn’t supposed to know, because they literally were not physically there), you are metagaming. 

The entire date was one big metagaming bonanza. And it had to be, or else they would’ve had nothing to talk about. There is not one thing they have to call their own. To people who don’t have BY tunnel vision, it was made glaringly obvious that they have nothing in common and their dynamic is fairly shallow. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast are sitting there watching this unfold, smiling and nodding along as if it all makes perfect sense and isn’t utterly ridiculous. (And I’m sitting here wondering when I got shunted into the Twilight Zone.)

The shallowness holds true for FJ as well. Aside from both of them being from the Menagerie Coast, what exactly do they have in common?

While Fjord has grown as a character, as far as Jester goes, he still does not seem to have the capacity to fully understand her as a person, or fully respect her abilities/emotional strength/intelligence. He doubted her often, which led to Jester getting irritated with him several times over the course of at least the last third of the pre-hiatus episodes. He even continued to doubt her judgment (in regards to the Traveler) in the post-hiatus Rumblecusp episodes. But hey, they’ve kissed now (ep118) so all of that gets wiped clean, and he’s being touted as her ultimate romantic soulmate who’s oh-so-perfect for her.

For fuck’s sake, why does that sound like something pulled right out of a CW show?

(I'm convinced that the only reason FJ is ‘popular’ is because the shippers have projected Travis and Laura’s real-life marriage onto the characters. If Fjord and Jester were played by different people, or Travis and Laura were not together, people would realize how paper-thin and half-assed this pairing is and hardly anyone would care about it.) 

Beau and Jester had developed the deepest, most genuine friendship and overall dynamic in the entire party, that should have absolutely been given the chance to be explored further. They constructed a pretty solid foundation that could have easily been built upon, and the fact that it’s been unceremoniously pulverized and snuffed out in favor of such overwhelming tepidity and flavorlessness will never not infuriate me.

Finally, to finish this off, I will say with my whole chest, that that is one of many nasty, rotten patterns that I’ve seen far too much of in all kinds of scripted media, which is...

Not wanting to commit to the thing that’s actually growing organically, because it’ll ruffle too many feathers. It’s too inconvenient. It gets in the way. Because of course, nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to take a risk, or you know, actually follow where the natural fucking chemistry is taking you. Of course not! Heaven forbid, we go down a different road! You have to go with what’s ‘expected’, no matter what, at the great expense of something new that’s come along that’s clearly better. Even when what’s expected is hollow as fuck and doesn’t make sense anymore, because characters have grown and dynamics have changed, they decide to dig their heels in with the most fanservice-y options instead.

Yet this is UNSCRIPTED media. A D&D campaign, that’s supposed to be mostly improvised. D&D, that’s all about taking chances/going with your gut/making bold choices/etc., from people who have claimed up and down that they “like to see things play out at the table”.

So why are those same disingenuous patterns being utilized here too?

One of the big reasons I got into CR was because I naively believed that because the format was different, that the storytelling would be different. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about running into this nonsense here. That I wouldn’t have to worry about getting bullshitted, jerked around, and having my intelligence insulted left and right, but alas, here we are.

In conclusion...  [TL;DR, kinda?]

Reframing past events (between B & J, and B & Y) to serve a current plot need (railroading BY):                                                                                      

Beau playlist ignores Jester’s importance to what transpired in Kamordah. (minimizing/erasure)

Beau playlist doesn’t acknowledge/hint at Beau’s feelings for Jester. (total erasure. could have at least included a song about feelings being lost, or being confused about feelings for a friend, but Marisha took the cowardly route, and didn’t bother mentioning it at all.)

Beau playlist claims that Beau and Yasha have both been flirting forever. (easily debunked by session footage.)

In her conversation with Fjord, Beau says, “There was something about Yasha from the moment I saw her”. (it was just about hooking up then, and stayed that way for a majority of the campaign. This line suggests that Beau has had ‘deeper feelings’ for and/or has been ‘in love’ with Yasha since the first episode, that this was all intentional build-up, which again, is easily debunked by session footage, panels, and TM.)

In her conversation with Fjord, Beau says, “It’s easy to lust after her.” (minimizing/erasure/twisting of Beau’s feelings for Jester, which Marisha had previously stated were ‘noncomparable’ , ‘more than that’, and that her attraction is ‘nothing sexual in this case.’)

This isn’t a fucking conspiracy theory. This is plain evidence of a planned retcon.

[stolen-pen-name23]

hello! how about #8- “You’re looking a little pale.” and/or #15 “I’m fine… just a little dizzy.” with Obi-Wan and Dooku?

Hi Kate!!! Thanks for the prompt!! // from these prompts // prompts now closed!

I have no idea when Dooku actually left the order, so I made it up for my purposes. Obi-Wan is still a padawan here, but he's like 19-20ish.

Read on Ao3 (or below the cut)

Here ya go!

---

The floor of an unfamiliar starship is not the most pleasant place to wake up.

Admittedly, the cold, hard floor of a starship is not the worst place Obi-Wan has ever woken up, but it certainly isn’t the most ideal place to come back into consciousness on.

He blinks, focusing his vision on his surroundings. The space he is in is barren but sleek. He can tell that the ship he has found himself on is a nice ship.

Groaning, he assesses himself for injuries. Aside from some slight motion sickness from laying on the floor of a ship in flight, Obi-Wan is physically unharmed.

He pushes himself to his feet and carefully inches his way down the short corridor. Peering into the cockpit, he can see the side profile of… no. It can’t be.

“You’re awake,” Dooku says plainly without looking at him.

“Master Dooku?” Obi-Wan questions.

“Actually, it’s ‘Count’ now. I’ve had a bit of a title change.”

Yes, that was right. Dooku left the Order a couple years ago when Obi-Wan was still in his early teens. He doesn’t know much about Dooku’s departure other than that it was due to a difference in ideology. Obi-Wan is not sure what that ideology may be. The other Jedi hardly speak of it. Qui-Gon never does.

“What am I doing here?” Obi-Wan asks cautiously.

“No pleasantries for your Grandmaster?”

“I see no reason for them,” Obi-Wan says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve only met you a handful of times. Oh, and you kidnapped me.”

“Fine, we’ll skip the salutations then,” Dooku says. “You’re here for a reason that you will see shortly.”

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. Of course, he isn’t going to get a straight answer.

“How wonderfully vague, though I suppose you are more forthcoming than most kidnappers.”

“I presume you have experience with them then?”

“It cannot be helped that so many people want me,” Obi-Wan smirks.

“A lot of arrogance for a young man who does not know where he is.”

“Call it a character flaw.”

Obi-Wan looks down at his hands.

“You’re wondering why I have not bound you,” Dooku says.

Obi-Wan shrugs his shoulders. “The thought did cross my mind. As I mentioned, this is not exactly my first time getting kidnapped.”

“Why would I have you bound? You are not my prisoner Obi-Wan.”

“Oh really? I do not remember choosing to be here.”

“You will choose to be here.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t care for the certainty in Dooku’s tone.

“If I’m not your prisoner, why did you take my lightsaber?”

“You’re not my prisoner, but I do not need any hotheaded padawans getting any funny ideas before we get where we need to go.”

“And where may that be?” Obi-Wan tries again.

The Force seems to thrum around them and dread pools in Obi-Wan’s stomach.

“A looking glass, of sorts,” Dooku answers.

Obi-Wan shakes his head. This lineage is so weird.

“Must you be so cryptic all the time?” Obi-Wan asks. “Why not just tell me where we are going?”

“I could tell you, or I could let you see for yourself,” Dooku says. With that, the ship slips out of hyperspace and glides towards a green planet.

“Where are we?” Obi-Wan asks again.

Dooku plucks at levers and pushes at buttons, taking his sweet time in answering Obi-Wan’s question. “This planet does not have a name, though there are several places throughout the galaxy that are like it. Rare as they are, they are places of great import for individuals like us.”

“Individuals like us?”

“Force-sensitives.”

Obi-Wan’s stomach twists uncomfortably at the way Dooku says the words, like their shared abilities somehow make them the same.

They are not the same.

“So why are we here?”

“You are here to see your destiny.” The statement comes out simple and sure.

Oh, Obi-Wan does not have a good feeling about this at all.

***

The ship lands in an unassuming clearing in an unassuming forest on an unassuming planet.

Dooku makes Obi-Wan get off the ship first, much to his annoyance. It would have been very easy to steal the ship if only Dooku had gone first.

“I advise you stay close,” Dooku says, clearly having already thought about Obi-Wan’s would be escape plans. “This forest is not a place you want to be alone in at night without a communicator. I would hate for you to get lost.”

Obi-Wan looks around and gets the sense that Dooku is right. Obi-Wan has his fair share of survival skills learned through a mixture of experience and traditional Temple-based training, but that does not mean he wants to put them to use.

Dooku takes the lead, but even then, Obi-Wan feels as though he is being watched.

The forest is not as unassuming as Obi-Wan initially believed. His bad feeling intensifies with every step he takes — the Force pulsing through his veins tells him to be careful.

It is not long before the bad feeling turns physical. The longer they walk, the worse Obi-Wan begins to feel. It started as a nagging headache blooming in the back of his skull. Now, he fights dark spots that dance behind his eyes.

“You’re looking a little pale,” Dooku says in a way that is both deeply condescending and somehow still somewhat caring.

Obi-Wan takes a few labored breaths and tries to blink back the dark spots from his vision. He rests a palm on a tree trunk and leans against it. “I’m fine… just a little dizzy.”

“Are you sure that’s all it is?”

Obi-Wan whips his head over to Dooku and immediately regrets the fast movement as it sends another wave of nausea through him. “What did you do to me?”

“It is not me. It is your attachment to the light. That is the source of your weakness. Practitioners of the light side don’t do so well in places like this.”

Dooku hands him a canteen and Obi-Wan eyes it warily.

Dooku sighs and rolls his eyes. “Would I have gone to the trouble of taking you all this way just to poison you? Drink.”

Obi-Wan accepts the canteen.

“The light is not my weakness. It is my strength,” Obi-Wan says after a long draught. He hands the canteen back to Dooku.

“Maybe,” Dooku says. “But not here.”

Obi-Wan takes a deep, centering breath and tries to remain calm. Wherever he is, he gets the feeling that he absolutely should not be here. He carries on anyway.

Twigs snap and leaves crunch under his feet until he notices them start to dampen. Solid ground turns soggy the farther they walk. They approach the gaping maw of a cavern, and at its face lies a spring — the source of the mud. Light dances on half of its surface while the other half lingers in the shadow of the cave.

“I presume this is where you are taking me?” Obi-Wan asks, unable to pull his gaze from the spring.

“Very astute,” Dooku says. “Keep going.”

The mud under his feet squelches and sticks, almost as if nature itself protests his movements. Obi-Wan does not want to keep going. Everything inside of him is telling him not to keep going.

Get out of here, Obi-Wan. It’s not safe here, Obi-Wan. It’s dangerous here, Obi-Wan.

The voice in his head telling him to stop almost wins, but his body is weakened by the dark energy that pulses through this place and Dooku is pushing him along. His feet drag and he is brought forth towards the spring.

Dooku kicks the back of his knees and he falls to the ground. His hands sink into the mud.

Now on his knees, Obi-Wan finds himself staring at his own reflection on the surface of the water.

“What is so special about this?” Obi-Wan asks between labored breaths.

“I’ve already told you.”

Obi-Wan looks back at the water and finds himself staring at someone new. No. Not someone new. Himself. Older. But it is undeniably him.

His Padawan brain is gone and a beard covers his face. His brows are set in a harsh look of concern — the same one Qui-Gon makes fun of him for, though there is nothing funny about the scene that begins to play out in front of him now.

A fire. A fury. The Jedi Temple under siege. Scorch marks. The gleam of sabers and the blue bolts of blasters.

Everyone dead or dying.

Everyone except him.

“This is a trick. This can’t be real,” Obi-Wan says, but he cannot tear his eyes away from the water’s reflection.

“Of course it is. Don’t you see?” Dooku implores. “This is your destiny.”

Obi-Wan shivers, the cold of the Dark Side raising gooseflesh across his skin. He can feel his body trying to submit under the pressure of the Dark Side, even as his spirit resists. The pressure builds and his body trembles. He feels as though he is about to pass out and he is sure he would have, were it not for a familiar voice that calls out.

“That’s enough, Dooku,” Qui-Gon says. “Let him go.”

Hope sings in Obi-Wan’s chest.

“Padawan,” Dooku says. “Good of you to join us.”

“Let. Him. Go.” Qui-Gon’s strong voice echoes through the cavern.

“I’m not holding him and he is not my prisoner. He looks into the waters of the Dark Side purely of his own volition.”

Qui-Gon ignites his blade and strides toward Obi-Wan. Dooku ignites his own saber and blocks Qui-Gon’s path.

“Do not interrupt him, Padawan.”

“Do not call me that,” Qui-Gon hisses. “And get out of my way.”

“He needs to finish this on his own.”

“Obi-Wan!” Qui-Gon says. “Don’t look at that. There is nothing for you there.”

“Master?” Obi-Wan squeaks out, sounding more like a scared youngling than the young man that he actually is. “I don’t like it here.”

“I know,” Qui-Gon says. “We can leave. Just look away from the water.”

Obi-Wan wants to look away from the water, but its pull is that of a siren call. Irresistible.

“Master Dooku said my destiny is in here.”

“Master Dooku is a liar. Come with me. Please Padawan, just look away from the water and come with me.”

“You are making a mistake, Qui-Gon.”

“The only mistake I made was taking my eyes off of him. I knew you had changed, but kidnapping? You’ve resulted to kidnapping padawans now?”

“Look at him, he is hardly a youngling anymore. You could make him a knight tomorrow if you knew how to let go. But either way, drastic measures have to be taken to show him the path he should follow.”

“This is not his path,” Qui-Gon says. “He will never join you. He will never join the Dark Side.”

“Are you so sure?”

“Yes,” Qui-Gon says firmly. “He’ll never join you. Obi-Wan… he’s… he’s different. He’s good. Even your ichor cannot taint his light.”

“Even the most righteous Jedi are tempted by the dark.”

“Not him. Never him.”

Obi-Wan can feel the strength of Qui-Gon’s convictions, his hope, through their bond. He clings to it like a drowning man clings to a rope and with what remains of his strength, he pulls himself from the dark waters that threaten to consume him.

“Master?” Obi-Wan questions weakly.

“You are making a mistake, Obi-Wan,” Dooku says. “Only pain and misery await you if you stay on your current path. You saw it yourself and you shall see it again.”

“The future is in motion,” he says shakily. “Nothing is set in stone.”

“Don’t be naive, Obi-Wan. Remain on your path, and the future you saw remains inevitable.”

Obi-Wan swallows back the lump in his throat. “Regardless, there is no future where I follow you.”

Obi-Wan staggers forward. His fingers grasp for his lightsaber, but he knows he is in no condition to take on Dooku. To his relief and to his surprise, Dooku does not reach for his own saber. He stands to the side and lets Obi-Wan climb back up the hill. He does not look angry, only disappointed. There is not much time for Obi-Wan to ponder this before Dooku shakes his head and turns back, walking out the way they came in.

Qui-Gon watches Dooku leave, never taking his piercing gaze off of his former master until he has blended fully into the shadows. With his disappearance, Qui-Gon darts down the hill towards Obi-Wan. Rocks and loose dirt rolls down the hill with each of Qui-Gon’s heavy steps, but it does not slow him down.

The sight of his Master and the security of knowing he was coming to save him makes some of the fight die down inside of him. He trips over his own feet and falls forward on the slippery hill. Mud and dying leaves stick to his robes and his skin while the smell of decay that accompanies a forest floor fills his nostrils.

He just wants to get out of here.

Though it seems he will not have to wait much longer. Strong hands grab his arms and drag him to his feet. Qui-Gon dusts off his shoulders while giving him a once-over.

“Did he hurt you?”

“Not… not really.”

“That was a yes or no question, Obi-Wan.”

“No,” Obi-Wan says, trying to put more strength behind his words. “He cannot hurt me.”

“Actually, he can, but I’m glad he did not.”

Obi-Wan offers Qui-Gon a weakened smile.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Qui-Gon says, lending Obi-Wan a steadying arm.

Obi-Wan leans on his Master and lets him guide him home.

[allthingskenobi]

Obi-Wan in Exile – Vader

(Originally published on AllThingsKenobi.com December 13, 2020)

Welcome to the first in a series of looks into Obi-Wan Kenobi’s time in exile on Tatooine between Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. We’ve tried to mine as much Legends and canon material as possible to help guide you through some of the period’s most common and repetitive themes so that when the new Obi-Wan Kenobi series airs, you’ll be ready.

Not everything he ever did in the entire 19 years will be explored here, but as we said, we’ve tried our best to pick out the most prominent and impactful moments to give everyone a better understanding of exactly what one hermit had to endure out there all alone in the sandy deserts of Tatooine.

While Vader himself was not a common reoccurrence throughout Obi-Wan’s exile, the threat of him certainly was…well until now that is. As Vader so often does, he’s recently made his way back to the forefront of the story and will seemingly loom very large over the upcoming series, thus moving us to start with exactly what that might mean for Obi-Wan and how it might work with the canon boundaries we currently have. Yes, we understand that canon can change and probably will, but we do love a challenge.

“Vader,” Obi-Wan muttered. “Vader’s alive.”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

Let’s start at the beginning. We have one instance in Legends where we see Obi-Wan learn that Vader survived Mustafar and it comes mere months after his exile on Tatooine begins. He first hears the name “Vader” mentioned again on the HoloNet during one of his trips into Mos Eisley and nearly faints before panicking to find a way to take Luke and run. (1) This early recognition seems to be reconfirmed in later canon as one of Ben’s greatest fears in the third year of his exile continued to be “sand crunching beneath heavy black boots, a dark cape billowing in the desert squall, the mechanical wheeze of a respirator.” (2) So will we see Obi-Wan only just learning of Vader’s fate in the tenth year of his exile? I’d say that’s highly doubtful unless the show provides a flashback for us—which we will gladly accept.

“Instead, Padmé was dead and Obi-Wan was running for his life, as stripped of everything as Vader was. Without friends, family, purpose…”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

At the same time, Vader was also very convinced that Obi-Wan was still alive and would remain so despite his greatest efforts. Because if there was one thing Vader was good at it, it was holding a grudge like he held a lightsaber, and he would expend quite a bit of energy over the 19 years between episodes III and IV searching for his old Master. (Just ask anyone he comes across in the comics.) Oh, and let’s not forget that it’s also Vader who would later inform a disbelieving Tarkin, in no uncertain terms, that Obi-Wan was still alive and on the Death Star. (3)

“No, I can’t [leave],” Ben said, firmly. “I must be here.”

KENOBI BY JOHN JACKSON MILLER L

“The core of Anakin that resides in Vader grasps that Tatooine is the source of nearly everything that causes him pain. Vader will never set foot on Tatooine, if only out of fear of reawakening Anakin.”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

Now that we’ve established that they both knew of each other’s survival, it begs the question as to why their paths never actually crossed in 19 years. Personally, I think it’s fairly simple: Obi-Wan would never leave Tatooine and Vader would never go anywhere near it. We will discuss Obi-Wan not leaving Tatooine more in-depth at a later time (and yes, we know what Ewan said about having a ‘rollicking time’), but Vader would canonically never visit his home planet until well after Obi-Wan and Luke were both gone. (4)(5) And by then it was much too late.

That brings us to the most recent ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ news and how that fits in with what Legends and canon have told us so far. We received a lot of exciting and thought-provoking announcements in a short amount of time, and frankly, our minds haven’t stopped spinning since. Could the show undo what we currently assume to be true? Yes. Could the show work within those same parameters? Also, yes. Do I personally have any idea what’s going to happen? No. DO I THINK THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE AMAZING NO MATTER WHAT? Y E S. The goal of this exercise is to simply try and reconcile the new details to the existing Star Wars lore because I think that’s what makes it interesting. So you can take it or leave it. The choice is yours. (Until it isn’t because the show has aired and this is all pointless.)

HERE WE GO.

“[Deborah] Chow confirmed that audiences will “definitely see Obi-Wan and Darth Vader get into it again” as we see the blue blade of a hooded Obi-Wan clash with the fiery red blade of Darth Vader.”

“McGregor knows the battle will be eagerly anticipated, and he’s looking forward to performing it just as much: “Having another swing at each other might be quite satisfying for everybody. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we’re going to enjoy making it.””

DEBORAH CHOW AND EWAN MCGREGOR DURING THE DISNEY INVESTOR’S REEL

Not only was the “Hayden Christensen returning as Darth Vader” bombshell dropped in our laps, but we were also fed the above morsels (not once but thrice) and told to digest them. Our first reaction was a hearty and well-deserved cry of rejoicing until the realization of what this could all mean set in and it turned into a hearty and well-deserved sob.

There’s hardly a way to be disappointed in the fact that we will see Ewan and Hayden not only together again, but “getting into it” as well, but we do have to wonder what this means for the moment where Obi-Wan and Vader face each other again on the Death Star. The moment is not only pivotal to Episode IV, but I would argue, the entire saga. And it’s made even more impactful by the fact that the two men have not physically confronted each other since their fateful battle on Mustafar.

What we do know, and that which should not change, is that Vader never knew where Obi-Wan was hiding nor that he had Luke, his son, with him. That tells me two things: whatever kind of “rematch” happens here does not endanger Luke’s safety in the long run nor is it probably something that would occur more than once. I think what we’re going to see happen is isolated and “unexpected,” occurring only once ten years into Obi-Wan’s exile.

You: But, All Things Kenobi, if they could never physically meet on Tatooine or elsewhere, then what does this all mean??

Us: Do we look like Deborah Chow or Ewan McGregor? Do we have all the answers for you? NO! But can we try to help ease your mind until the show airs and I’m proven all sorts of wrong?? YES! SO PUT ON THAT TINFOIL HAT AND LET’S DO THIS!!

“I sense something. A presence I’ve not felt since…”

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE C

“Obi-Wan once thought as you do.”

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI C

Instantly our minds turned to these two particular comments from Vader in Episodes IV and VI. They’ve always stood out as peculiar, demanding explanation, but even more so now. The first is a vague, open-ended statement that leaves us to assume they hadn’t met again since they parted on the slopes of Mustafar. The second is a seemingly wistful reminiscence of a memory Vader has of his old master.

Luke had just finished making a heartfelt plea for Anakin to remember his “true self” then says, “come with me.” Where did Obi-Wan make the same appeal to only be shunned by Vader as well? Is it possible the series will show us this after all these years and possibly solve the riddle of both enigmatic statements at once? Is it possible that any such conversation might quickly devolve into another lightsaber-fueled clash??

“Count Dooku was Yoda’s apprentice.”

“And Count Dooku has fallen to the dark side.”

“All of us have apprenticed to Master Yoda.”

“He cannot be held accountable for Dooku’s descent.”

“But they are connected. Profoundly.”

THE CLONE WARS 6×11 “VOICES” C

A distinct bond exists between each Padawan and Master and unfortunately that bond does not disappear when one or the other becomes a Sith Lord. Despite the bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin being firmly closed at both ends, there’s no doubt that a presence remains. And even the most sturdy walls might crack from time to time.

Even after 19 years apart, Vader is quick to recognize when Obi-Wan is nearby and goes so far as to know his intent. “Escape is not his plan. I must face him alone.” And he’s right. (3) As for Obi-Wan, the Force has plagued him with dreams and visions, even showing him “a limbless wreck hanging in a bacta tank, necrotic skin pallid and scarred.” (2)

Could their strong connection be the vehicle that allows Obi-Wan and Anakin to confront each other once more? Within the Force they could not only converse, but we could also see them “take another swing” at each other without any physical consequences no matter who “wins.” The mental toll would also make for great drama for both men and bring a new perspective and emotional weight to several scenes in the Original Trilogy.

“If you loved me, Obi-Wan, you would have killed me.”

STAR WARS: DARTH VADER 24 BY KIERON GILLEN C

Finally, it’s quite possible that Obi-Wan might not physically be involved at all in their “rematch” and it might be entirely from Vader’s perspective. One theory could be as simple as the fact that Vader once had a training droid whose deadliest combat setting took the form of his former master. (Oh, Anakin.) (6) Another theory, and a much more likely one, could be that Vader has a Force vision or dream that allows him to recreate and relive various moments between himself and Obi-Wan, including, but not limited to, another lightsaber battle. This would be interesting to witness as every time it occurs, it means that Vader is wrestling with Anakin.

Although the Obi-Wan that continues to exist in Anakin’s psyche doesn’t seem too different from the real thing, just imagine Ewan McGregor getting to play Obi-Wan from Anakin’s point of view…I’ll just drop my mic there.

Star Wars: Darth Vader 24 by Kieron Gillen (2016) C

Star Wars: Darth Vader 5 by Charles Soule (2017) C

Citations:

(1) Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader by James Luceno L

(2) “Time of Death” – From A Certain Point of View by Cavan Scott C

(3) Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope C

(4) Star Wars: Darth Vader 2016 by Kieron Gillen C

(5) Star Wars: Darth Vader 2020 by Greg Pak C

(6) Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (2008) by Haden Blackman L