#yes they could do better at communicating and yes its fine to be upset about that

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - it was a pretty darn good time, frankly

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - Everyone looked like they were having a lot of fun in the fight sequences. I’m very happy for them. I’m not surprised they shot Khem and Chart. A little shocked it wasn’t also Yai, TBH.

I found this final episode rushed. According to rumors, The Sign was originally slated to be 14 eps, and it probably should’ve been. And I don’t say that often about Thai BL. But we all knew it was getting too bloated for its britches, so I'm not surprised they fumbled the ending. For me personally, it just wasn't that bad. It was fine and I was fine with it.

Tho, Billy does not look good with facial fur, messes up those gorgeous angles.

I was ultimately amused that the solution to the mythology thread was simply to talk to the river god and persuaded him to give up... off screen. It felt very old school wuxia. Or like Aeschylus or something. I did adore the stinger, Saint was basically like “I want wings too”. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

This show is literally everything (except straight) all at once. It's BL, queer, band of brothers, romcom, erotica, PNR, fated mates, police procedural, fantasy, mystery, suspense, and slasher. It’s the king of genre mash-up chaos. Sure, it's madness but there is genius in it. Was it a crazy unhinged mess +1 roll for damage? Yes. Yes it was. Did it manage to hold all those tangled threads together? No it did not. Was it also a charming, sexy, engaging, non-stop piece of entertainment? Sure thing. I think this show is basically my KinnPorsche, and frankly I’ve been chasing that dragon naga since KP aired. Is it perfect? No. But it was balls to the wall FUN and that gets a 9/10 from me.

I'm thinking of doing a full recap review (partly because I have so many great screen shots.)

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 10-11 of 12 - Since this series is following the yaoi so closely, I knew these were the separation eps. (Also I knew with would be a soft non-doom ep 11, Japan rarerly does these.) I like that they used it to show improve communication and development in all relationships, but, frankly, TayNew are just best when they are TayNew together on screen. So yeah. Let’s keep them back together, please?

Meanwhile, TayNew gifted us a gorgeous loving sweet sex scene. Thanks OG for doing us a solid. 

I wanna add, it sure is fun to see New play as soft and vulnerable character, I feel like he hasn’t done that since SOTUS. 

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 12fin - 1/3 of this is a sweet romance about a student doctor falling in love with a student chef, and the rest of it is utter dross. Look the OffGun bits were GREAT.. In fact, I think they’re better AS A PAIR in this show than in any of their other BLS. And I'm a hard sell on any OffGun being better than PickRome. Saying that, how can I review a show where I could only tolerate 1/3 of it? Because I didn’t like any other aspect of this show, no other pairs and no other plots. That gives me: 9/10 for the OffGun bits, 5/10 for everything else. Frankly it probably should be an 8 but I gotta go with my gut and it's upset about this so 7/10. Sorry boys. It’s GMMTV’s fault. Your heart was in this show, mine wasn’t. 

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - These two are so good at making heart eyes at each other. It’s ridiculous. They don’t need any cartoon images or noises. Moot crush but "I wanna flirt and court more" is so flipping awesome. I love this for them… and us. 

1000 Years Old ep 2 of 12 - It’s very silly and we have been gifted with the dorkiest vampire ever. But... the smell thing makes me so happy. And I like that the vamp uses chan/nai or tan = v old fashioned. Nahlak. I love our ghost girl. Did you notice she wasn’t in the room with them but they left an empty chair for her? Also nahlak.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - Kai was pretty much just “you're a workaholic but I basically married you whether you like it or not.” SMOOCH. What can I say? I'm a sucker for this dynamic.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - How is this show so cute? How do they both love and hurt each other so much. They are both just scared of loosing each other. Gah.

Unknown (Taiwan Sat Youku YouTube) 1 of 12 eps - Youku dropped the first ep to their YouTube channel but I doubt we can expect that to continue. Still, it was nice to be able to watch it in a convenient way. I enjoyed it. But I am cautious about it. Of course this is possibly two of my favorite tropes of all time (stepbrothers or a variation + hyung romance). So I’m looking forward to the romantic thread, but from the gritty style, it feels a lot more like a Taiwanese short. Which means it could go very dark and may not end happy. 

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - I just don’t know if the main couple should be a couple. But when they finally get around to talking to each other, they sure are lovely. Also how great is it to see a uke initiate a kiss? Even if it’s not a very good kiss. 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - I am still not sure about this one. I am not contesting its quality, just saying it’s not for me. Also I’m not wild about what amounts to basically a redo of everything that already happened in the first episode from a different perspective. I know it’s a tall order with Japan, but I would like (when it’s a short series) for each new installment to actually move the plot (such as it is) along in someway. Am I asking too much?

It's done but I have no time

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

It's airing but...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting but full of unlikable characters. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far. Ends next week TF.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. Should I bother to go grey for it?

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand YT) - High school sweethearts who had a bad break up reunite when both of them have full time jobs but coming out is still a problem. You can watch this on YT but it has no Eng Subs.

Next Week Looks Like This:

We're light on content right now, but frankly I'm so busy with work I don't really mind.

3/6 Born to be Y (Thai ????) 10 eps - 14 contestants who audition to compete in Born To Be Y, a program that searches for the best couple of the year to work together on a giant project. Described as semi-reality series. So I probably won't bother.

3/7 Deep Night (Thai iQiyi) 10 eps - Multiple romances set in a host clubs. Nice to see First back on my screen but this is not my favorite setting.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The eyes have it.

Your random BL moment brought to you by my ult-bias being a hyung smartass to his maknae.

(Last week)

[ardienothesieno]

actually I'm gonna rant about this more because I'm legitimately pissed at this friend. no one on here by the way the only reason I'm talking about this is because she wouldn't touch tumblr with a ten foot pole.

so me and her were trying to play a video game last night. and I was very overbooked last night, for some reason last night of all nights all my friends showed up and wanted to play video games and I said yes to everybody but came in with the boundary if "I can only play for an hour and then I have to go"

the game we were trying to play was causing us a ton of tech issues. it was taking absolutely FOREVER to install for me and once we got everything set up we could not figure out how to set up a lobby so we could play together. and it was just going on and on and nothing was working and I had told her that I'd have to leave by 10 and time was ticking on and I was getting frustrated and annoyed because I didn't want to bail on my other friends and it was taking forever and I also knew nothing about this game so I had no motivation to actually want to play it other then my friend

and then she just goes "ardie do you even want to be here right now." very exasperated.

and I was silent for a second and then said that the tech issues were frustrating me

and she just says that it's fine that she'd figure it out that I should go have fun with my *other* friends. and leaves the call before I can say anything.

i, reasonably I think, am like wtf. and text her and say. wtf dude. I'm allowed to be frustrated at tech issues. I'm allowed to have other friends and other obligations. why are you being weird about it???

and she responds "I don't want to talk about it. go have fun."

so I say okay and think it'll get left at that

and she texts me again saying "stop assuming I'm a jerk. you dont even know why I'm mad."

i try to explain that to me, it sounded like she was mad about me going and playing games with other people. and that pissed me off so I responded with a response that assumed she was mad about me doing so. yet again I try and close the conversation.

she comes back with I AM mad at you it's your fault for assuming the reason why I'm mad at you and thinking that IM in the wrong here

now I'm really confused. and I tell her that.

so she says I'm pissed with you but I don't want to talk about why and I don't want to ruin your night by arguing with you so shut up and leave me alone

and so I stop trying to subtly shut down the conversation and am just like "okay great goodnight"

i text our mutual friend, who is roommates with first friend, and tell her that friend 1 is pissed at me and isn't telling me why, and fill her in some more on the situation. friend 2 advises me to just let 1 cool down and text her tomorrow and propose we play games to try and show I'm not blowing her off

about an hour later friend 2 texts me again basically saying abort abort do NOT text friend 1 tomorrow the situation is BAD

i ask what happened how bad is it what did I do

friend 2 tells me I activated two of friend 1's major pet peeves. doesn't explain any more, goes to bed.

she hasn't texted me back yet today.

so here i am!! knowing that I somehow pissed off one of my best friends but not knowing how or why and no one telling me anything!!!!

why is it MY responsibility to have friend 1s pet peeves memorized. if she's upset about something, it's her job to TELL ME.

and I know how this situation is gonna go. eventually we'll talk and I'll figure out what I did and she'll tell me not to do those things again and I'll ask her to communicate her boundaries better and she'll either say "I can try" and then do nothing or just continue to deny all fault if hers and just insist I need to get better at reading her and shit.

and yeah I should probably leave her alone for a while to "cool off." BUT ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MANAGE HER EMOTIONS. I DONT WANT EVERY CONVERSATION I HAVE WITH HER FEEL LIKE IM WALKING A TIGHTROPE WHILE BLINDFOLDED.

did I do something wrong that pissed her off? probably. buts she needs to communicate with me and stop blaming everything on me.

[funkii-fox]

Should I block the French Guy?

This mf has the audacity to pretend to agree that AI “art” is wrong, then STILL is using AI to generate images of his ocs. I posted the quote of Araki condemning AI “art” and this fucking guy has the audacity to like it, even tho I had him in mind while posting it.

I was like “yk, I havent seen this guy’s story in a while because it’s 100% hateful, maybe I should check to see if he still does.” The most recent one I could find was from September 8th in a highlight abt ocs, but that’s not to say he hasn’t used it since and just didn’t save it to highlight. Make of that what you will, but I choose to believe he’s still using AI. I remember once I even had a convo telling him to stop using AI, but bro just went “ok” and still used AI BRUH🗿

But guess what else I saw: he likes Jimmy 😭😭😭 this was 100% expected tho. He once changed his pfp to Curly and i was like ��your ass is NOT Curly ur Jimmy bro.” He posted 3 whole stories abt the community judging ppl that like Jimmy. He compared it to how ppl like DIO and said its bc he has pretty privilege and not Jimmy and thats why ppl judge them. I won’t lie; yes, most ppl like DIO bc hes pretty and charming, but at least he has some types of redeeming qualities. Jimmy is just 100% asshole. Every scene you see of him is he’s being a jerk or a fuck up that says “i can fix this” but actually can’t. Mouthwashing is SO un-nuanced in the way you’re supposed to hate Jimmy, it’s amazing rlly. We’re not even shown much of his personal life or other aspects of his personality; unlike other antagonists like Kira or Diavolo.

Now, am I gonna throw rocks at your window for liking Jimmy? No. Do what you want. But, i will psychoanalyze you and conclude that you like him either for the abusive dynamic or you like him bc he’s like you. This guy 110% likes Jimmy bc he’s relatable.

Simply looking at it face value right now, the way this guy is so OBSESSED with other people is insane. 90% of my conversations w this guy has been bruja arianna, snerufu, antis, women who make self insert ocs, or his arch nemesis Fay that he just can’t stop stalking. It reminds me of how Jimmy was obsessed and jealous of Curly’s success. He is also negative all the time. Even when making a joke, the punchline is always someone else or a cheap horny joke that comes across as a 7th grader. It reminds me of how Jimmy HAD to take Curly saying “i want more in life” the wrong way. It even manifests in the way bro had Curly as his pfp; because he wants to be like Curly.

We met from me shitting on bruja arianna. My criticism came from logic and a want to make change in the community, but it’s clear now that his criticism comes from hate and insecurity. He’s so passionate about hate, i think it’s the only thing he’s passionate about. He’s not even passionate enough about his own ocs to draw them himself. He’s so hateful he makes fun of women in the fandom for damn near anything they do, as if millions of ppl don’t also see him as a woman and as if he never lived as a woman. Then he hides all of his edginess as “im French lol we’re just angry :p” be so serious

His only other characteristic is being hypocritical. This guy “doesn’t deserve hate” but is constantly negative all the time. This guys gets upset at shit on a screen just to search it up more. This guy HATES bruja arianna for mocking trans men, yet all his male ocs are “androgynous” no mf they look like girls.

Chat, I don’t care anymore about being stalked. I’m stronger now. I have better things to worry about now that I have a life. I don’t care if he talks a lot of shit nor do I care if he “exposes” me for some made up bs. He can have a tantrum all he wants; i have better things to care about

Poll whether I should block him under the cut.

[gatheringfiki]

The following ficlet was written by @marigoldvance​ based on this photoset.

Fili/Kili, Gen

You might also be able to read this story on AO3.

If you’ve enjoyed this story, please leave a comment either in replies or on AO3. :)

Druidbury

—

The town of Druidbury was nestled in the Valley of Magic, the place where all lines of all energies converged above the Crossroad of the Realms. An idyllic little town built of brick and stone, blending traditional architecture and modern conveniences. Trams jangled along behind horse-drawn carriages, clocksmiths worked elbow-to-elbow with sculptors of the finest sundials, tailors and dressmakers offered fashions from countless eras.

It was a charming town that Kíli enjoyed visiting when he wasn’t bogged down by coursework.

Druidbury was almost exclusively occupied by Wizards, though a few magical creatures (and entities, like Brodrick the Shadow Wraith who haunted the local inn) had made their home there as well. Master Dwalin’s Sanctum was above the cobblers, and Mistress Minerva’s took up an entire block behind the community library.

Wizards who had married outside of Wizardry brought their families to live in Druidbury, and so there were schools to accommodate the magically impaired, jobs to support those who couldn’t perform spells, and all manner of inclusive event or club.

The ladies of the local knitting club were fond of Kíli, always gifting him sweaters and socks, or baking him cookies (that wouldn’t accidentally turn him into a snail).

            “You asked me about Christmas the other day,” Fíli said, striding ahead of Kíli by a few paces. He was dressed finely in a three-piece brown suit under a thick tan cloak trimmed with fur. Unlike Kíli had seen previously (that is, in public), Fíli’s hair was loose around his shoulders and his eyes were bare of his glasses (those still misplaces in the chaos of his desk). It suited him, this casual appearance, and Kíli found himself somewhat more bashful whenever Fíli looked at him directly.

            “Yes,” Kíli said, hurrying to keep up as they strode down the main avenue. “Well, I was more wondering if I’ve missed every Christmas since I got here. I’d imagine I have.”

Fíli stopped at the corner and turned to face Kíli, “Technically, you have so far. But, you could amend that if you decide to travel through the doors in the Cave of—”

            “—Names.” Kíli finished for him, “Yes, I remember.” He looked disheartened. So, he had missed several Christmases, his family moving along without him. Had they even tried to get in touch? Or was there an unspoken rule that once a child is taken to the University, he’s erased from the family tree and never heard from again?

A finger hooked under his chin lifted his gaze to meet Fíli’s. “No need to be upset, Kíli. I’m sure your family loves you.”

            “I suppose but…do they even know who I am anymore?”

Fíli moved his hand to cradle Kíli’s cheek briefly before letting go. “Of course!” He said cheerfully, “The University sends families letters whenever its learners achieve something.”

Kíli’s stomach dropped, “But…I haven’t achieved anything!” He really hadn’t, apart from a soap-bubble shield and an Apprenticeship with Fíli his gap year between The School of Tutelage and The Academy of Information. And that hardly counted; Kíli had made more mistakes than he’d made strides toward bettering his skills as a Wizard.

            “That’s not true.” Fíli told him, taking Kíli by the shoulders and leading him across the street and down the next block. “You’ve achieved far more than you give yourself credit for, Kíli. Trust me.”

Kíli did trust Fíli, but it sometimes felt as though Fíli regarded him through rose-tinted glasses and not as who Kíli was. Which was a paltry Wizard who’d fumbled through the last leg of his lessons under the School of Tutelage trying to earn a vocation as—Kíli sighed—a Harbinger.

(He had mastered herding crows into lines on tree branches, at least. Not that that required much strain on a learner’s Flare.)

            “You asked me about Christmas,” Fíli said, smiling and tipping his head to those they passed as they walked. “And today, I’m going to show you how we celebrate it here.”

Bug-eyed, Kíli blurted, “I didn’t know we celebrated it at all!”

            “What do you think the Yule Feast is all about?” Fíli asked, a twinkle in his eye.

            “It lasts twelve days, sir, that’s hardly Christmas.”

            “Maybe not as you celebrated it back home.”

            “And there are no presents.” Kíli added, giving Fíli a pointed look, as if that was entirely what Christmas was about.

            “Not true!” Fíli countered, taking Kíli gently by the arm, “Which is why I’ve brought you here.”

Here being a dimly lit shop squished between a cobbler’s and an apothecary. The Cabinet of Curiosities the sign above the shop read in swirly gold lettering. Unlike the prettily decorated shops along the street, this one was dark and somewhat autumnal. The storefront was painted black and had gold runes carved into the wood. Thousands of candles illuminated the interior from gothic chandeliers and tarnished candelabras.

            “I don’t understand.” Kíli said, frowning through the glass door. “What does this have to do with Christmas presents?” A thought hit him, “Wait, are we buying presents…here?”

Even from outside, he could see the strange and unusual objects littering the shelves within. Twisty branches embedded with jewels and tiny skeletons in glass belljars. Books and old maps and what looked like a well-preserved mermaid’s tail without the rest of the mermaid attached.

            “No, Kee, we’re not buying presents.”

That was a relief. Until now, Kíli hadn’t had to consider what currency was used in Druidbury, but he knew he didn’t have a cent of it to his name. Whenever he and his friends visited the local, he assumed someone else always took care of the tab as he’d never been asked for payment.

            “So…”

            “Come on.” Fíli encouraged Kíli through the door with a gentle push to his lower back, the weight of Fíli’s hand making Kíli blush.

The shop smelt of leather and dust and was a comfortable temperature compared to the wintery outdoors. A fire roared in the massive fireplace on the farthest wall. There were rows upon rows of floor-to-ceiling shelves, some with long tables between them, all filled to capacity with gruesome and weird trinkets.

An old, webby gramophone crackled to life on the service counter, telling them, “Back room!” as they wandered further into the shop.

Fíli obliged the voice, leading Kíli to the back of the shop and behind a heavy curtain. He held it open for Kíli politely, jerking his chin in the direction of a monstrous worktable cluttered with instruments and materials of all sorts.

Kíli eyed it warily, unsure what he was supposed to look for.

            “Although the Crossroads and, therefore, the University, exist outside of time, we are still effected by it.” Fíli said, coming to stand beside Kíli. He spoke as he removed his cloak and hung it on a stand in one corner. “And some of us even participate in it.”

Just then a large man kicked open the splintered wooden backdoor, pushed inside with a gust of wind. He was as tall as he was wide with a jolly face and snow-white beard, round cheeks, and a bulbous nose. In his arms he carried a box bursting with scraps of fabric and small pieces of weathered wood.

            “Hullo Fíli,” He boomed merrily, clearly happy to see Fíli there. He set the box down and began to empty its contents on the table. “Glad you could make it.”

            “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Fíli said. He’d removed his suit jacket and was rolling up the sleeves of his light-coloured shirt when the man greeted him. Now, he put a hand on Kíli’s shoulder and introduced him, “This is my Apprentice—”

            “Former,” Kíli corrected.

            “Not quite, lad.” Fíli chuckled and then resumed, “This is my Apprentice, Kíli. He’ll be helping us today.”

Kíli looked between the large man and Fíli, confused.

            “Kíli, this is Nícolae.”

Kíli bobbed his head cordially, “Pleasure to meet you, Master Nícolae.”

            “Please, boy,” Nícolae smiled, “It’s just Nícolae.”

            “Good luck with that.” Fíli teased, “Took ages to get him to stop calling me Master.”

            “Hey!” Kíli pouted; he hated being spoken of as if he wasn’t there. Even if what Fíli said was true. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Nícolae.” He said out of spite, though it felt strange not to use the title he’d been taught to use whenever he met an elder Wizard.

Nícolae smiled at Kíli’s deliberate cheek. “Shall we get to work, then?” He asked, tilting his head toward the table. More specifically, the items he’d deposited on it.

            “Absolutely,” Fíli said, clapping his hands, “Where would you have us start?”

Nícolae explained how things were to be done: no magic, no miracles, no mystifying feats. Just simple toolwork and some elbow grease. Kíli didn’t narrowed his eyes when he was given his instructions and encouraged into a tall tinker’s chair at one end of the table.

            “No magic?” He asked.

Fíli shook his head, a secretive smile arcing his lips. “Can’t have anyone with an undetected Flare interacting with it.”

            “Undetected…” Kíli peered at Nícolae, who took his seat on the other end of the table, the chair groaning under his weight. There was something peculiarly familiar about Nícolae that Kíli couldn’t quite put his finger on. “What exactly am I supposed to make?”

            “Just follow the illustrations there, boyo.” Nícolae said, pointing at a small pile of illustrated parchments. They were step-by-step instructions of how to put together a—

Kíli frowned, “Dolls?” He glanced at Fíli, “We’re making dolls?”

            “We’re making everything on our lists.” Fíli said, patting his own little pile of parchments. “There isn’t much left.” This, he said to Nícolae.

            “The others have been very helpful this season.” Nícolae grabbed a thick piece of wood and a carving knife and started scraping away the bark. “Master Pallando and his brother have been by every week since the end of summer.”

Pallando. He was the Wizard who’d escorted Kíli to the University when he was a boy. Kíli hadn’t heard from or seen anything more of him since. It was interesting to discover that Master Pallando was still around.

            “How did they fare without use of their magic?” Fíli wondered with an undercurrent of animosity that Kíli didn’t understand.

            “Horribly.” Nícolae said, “but they got the hang of it quickly enough.”

They worked in silence for some time, until Kíli’s back began to ache, and his bum lost all feeling. He’d made approximately seven dolls, two wooden cars, nine stuffed rabbits, and six wooden soldiers.

It was as he was finishing the paint on the sixth wooden soldier that he realized, “We’re making toys.”

Fíli tried to hide his amusement and failed. “Spot on, Kee.”

            “No, that’s not—” He glared half-heartedly at Fíli, “Why are we making toys?”

            “Because you asked about Christmas.”

Kíli stared at Fíli for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and then looked at Nícolae, who was hunched over a beautifully crafted dollhouse. White beard, jolly demeanor…He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it sooner.

            “My word…You’re Santa!”

Nícolae cast his gaze to Fíli. They shared fond looks before both turning to Kíli.

            “Some call me that, yes.” Nícolae acknowledged. “But I prefer Nícolae.”

Kíli didn’t hear him, too busy filling the air with questions, “Santa’s a Wizard?! How long has this been going on? Do you really deliver all these presents yourself? Don’t you have a village of elves to help you make toys?”

            “No elves, I’m afraid. Just the charity of fellow Wizards such as yourself.” Nícolae said with a wink. “As for how long, I can’t be sure.”

            “Fíli,” Kíli implored, “He’s Santa.”

            “I’m well aware, Kíli.” Fíli said, not looking up from his work on a gorgeous tea set. His tongue poked out the corner of his mouth while he concentrated on his intricate brushwork. “Which is why I brought you with me.”

            “To meet Santa.”

            “To meet Santa.” Fíli echoed, finally meeting Kíli’s gaze. His eyes sparkled warmly, an expression of adoration adorning his features. “I could only answer your questions about time, and even then, only so much. But Nícolae has been a member of the University since its earliest days.”

            “Why, you’re positively ancient!” Kíli blurted before he could stop himself. He slapped a hand over his mouth, his apologize muffled but sincere, “Sorry…”

Nícolae threw his head back and laughed, a rich chorus of sound. He flapped a hand in dismissal, wiped a tear from his eye and said, “I can’t deny that it’s true.” When he calmed, he looped his thumbs in his belt and said, “Now, you have questions, I have answers, and we both have a lot more to do. Why don’t you ask me while we work, hm?”

Kíli checked with Fíli that it was alright, knowing that he had the tendency to ask more questions than most were willing to answer. Fíli gave no indication that Kíli should restrain himself, so Kíli started with the most pressing thing on his mind:

            “Do you really eat all those cookies yourself?”

Fíli bit his smile, willing himself not to laugh.

This was either the best or the worst idea he’d ever had.

[gladrial]

The 90s X-Men cartoon was the beginning of my journey into fandoms. While I can point to earlier fandoms I was into as a child, I did not fully understand what that meant: what kind of rabbit holes I could dive into and communities I could be a part of until X-Men. It laid the foundation. So when I found out that they were going to do a continuation on the show, it may surprise you to know that I thought it was a bad idea.

At the time, the show was truly groundbreaking, with its continuing story that built over time and its focus on the characters’ interpersonal relationship. However, while I still enjoy watching it for nostalgia sake, I find its telenovela style very dated. The narrative often holds up, but the delivery does not.

I suspected this new season was going to give us some better animation and action sequences, but, being forced to keep within the style of its predecessor, wasn’t really going to work. It would be fun for nostalgia’s sake and some action-packed scenes, but nothing more.

And after watching the first episode, I felt it was exactly what I expected it would be. A lot of style, little substance. A lot of nostalgia, little new to build on. Many a ‘we did the thing you remember’ and ‘we said the line from the show.’ It was fine, but it didn’t particularly excite me.

That said, the second episode is absolute fire and left me yearning for more. Despite the melodrama, it somehow still worked for reasons I can’t quite explain. I would like to try my best to articulate what worked for me, what didn’t, and what I would like to see in the future.

Lots of spoilers ahead.

Positives:

- Getting to view the power levels of these characters as they were meant to be again has been such a treat. Live action can be held back in so many ways, be it time, money, or striving for something with more realism. But I prefer seeing the possibilities that often only animation can give us. Cyclops and Storm’s power sets both really stood out in these two episodes and it was a joy to behold.

- The action in general is much better obviously with the improvements we’ve seen in animation and the amount of backing this show has received.

- Jubilee’s dance sequence was oh so pretty.

- The look on Logan’s face when Jean went into labor was priceless.

- Storm, my queen, has gotten to shine in ways she hasn’t in the mainstream in years. In decades! And I’m not just referring to the ‘give them the forecast’ scene (which was epic), but every single scene she occupied. They showed her at her fiercest and her most vulnerable. They showed Storm the warrior and Storm the friend. “Do not think. Be silent, heed my commands and you shall survive.” - Yes queen. Whatever you say queen.

- Magneto! I love everything about every scene he is in. Yes, even those scenes. Especially those scenes, you cowards! (We’ll touch on that later. Pun intended.) I love how he’s striving to honor Xavier’s wishes while still clearly not being onboard and not even trying to hide it. He’s making the attempt, but not willing to let another man’s ideals compromise him as made poignant by the “Do not make me let you down” line, while he’s literally dangling his judges in the air. Perfection! Yes, this may all go sideways, but it will be on them if it does. Not him. He’s the most dangerous man in any room and not afraid to let you know it, even when he’s playing nice.

- The Rogue/Gambit/Magneto love triangle got me feeling feels! I saw a hint of something when Rogue defended Magneto’s presence to the chagrin of Gambit, but never thought they’d go as far with it as they did, especially in one episode. To everyone upset, I see you. I hear you. It’s going to be okay. We all know Rogue and Gambit are endgame. Calm down. Rogue doesn’t owe Remy anything (and vice versa). They are obviously very attracted to each other, but the relationship has purposefully been kept surface level by her. Rogue has set a precedent that she enjoys the flirtation, but has a history of shutting him down beyond that, so he’s kept to those rules. She does it to protect them both, not just physically, but emotionally. Then she gets the joy of helping her friend give birth to a child she’ll never conceive with a husband she believes she’ll never have…but back home there’s a man she has a history with. A man she respects. A man with charisma and charm. And it just so happens to literally be the only person she can touch. I do not blame the woman and neither should you. And Xmen has always been about the drama. Everyday, every way, all the time drama. If you don’t want drama, you’re watching the wrong show.

- Xmen has always been woke as hell. It’s kind of their whole deal. But it’s ever so nice that they don’t have to put on kid gloves while making their points anymore. To be fair, it was very progressive at the time, as much as it could have been. But I appreciate that they’ve upped the ante even more.

Negatives:

- Continuity is huge in this show, and since they insisted on continuing where it left off, you have to heed to that continuity. That means I shouldn’t see Angel in any pictures of the original Xmen (in this iteration), but that's a minor example compared to completely subverting the final episode. Xavier did not die and, while I might understand everyone acting as though he has in public for a variety of reasons, they continue to do so in private, which makes no sense. Additionally, Magneto was handed over the reins in the finale, so no one should be shocked that he’s there. Narratively it’s more dramatic, sure, but it’s not accurate for a show that has historically strived to keep continuity.

- The animation is better obviously, but not as good as it could be… Something looks off in a way that I can’t put my finger on, but I suspect that it has something to do with getting too modern with it would be too jarring from the original series.

- Cyclops fretting about leaving after losing Xavier makes sense. His uncertainty about who will lead in his absence does not. Storm is right there. She’s right there and the groundwork has been put in place for her to take on the role of leadership since season one. Instead, imagine the impact of Cyclops agreeing it was time to step back only for Storm to have been stripped of her powers and walk away, making him second guess whether he should stay.

- Look. I’m not sure why I have to say this, but even back in the 90s, a grown man going ‘NOT!’ was cringe as hell. It’s even more so now. Of all the callbacks, why that one? Bad joke then and bad joke now.

- I love that Magneto does something pragmatic for the Morlocks. His comments to the Xmen in regards to it would have been more than justified if not for the fact that they had been offered sanctuary at the mansion and declined it. Someone in the room should have brought that up.

- I respect Magneto handing himself over to authorities in a ‘I’ll play along’ sort of way. We all know if things didn’t go his way, he would have just turned the tables on them. To that end…I find it very hard to swallow that he’d voluntarily let them collar him. ‘Yes, yes, you may walk me around in your silly little handcuffs. I’ll play along. But I’ll be damned if I let you neuter me.’

- Granted this next one is a nit-pick, but…why didn’t they wait for Storm to get the mohawk until after she lost her powers? She first got the look after she’d been depowered in the comics as part of her learning to cope with the change. It gave her some feeling of control over something when she felt like she didn’t have control over anything. She lost her abilities in the second episode, so it’s not like they would have had to wait long. It’s a great look, don’t get me wrong, just feels like it could have added to the narrative more if they waited. (Update: I was incorrect about the order of events in the comics as pointed out in the replies. It’s a lot of lore to keep up with. Probably projected this narrative into my memory as a youngster. Apologies.)

What I’d like to see:

There’s one thing in particular that’s bugging me. I could probably write a book about why Wolverine is so beloved and, honestly, one of my favorite fictional characters. The 90s cartoon introduced me to him, but there was so much to explore beyond that. He’s one of the best studies in character development that I’ve ever had the pleasure to immerse myself in. This comes from having one person in control of your narrative for seventeen years, a luxury rarely found in the medium of comic books, but one he was fortunate enough to receive. We learn why he’s so guarded and little by little see his defenses being chipped away. Oh, maybe some of these people are okay. Oh, maybe I can call them friends. Oh, maybe they’re strong enough to protect themselves and I won’t lose this bunch like I’ve lost everything else. Oh, maybe I can call them family. Oh, maybe I’m good for something other than violence. Oh, maybe I can nurture this person. Oh, maybe I can help guide this man’s vision that I believe in so much because finally someone saw that I could be more. Oh, maybe I can be the one that carries on his mantle and passes his vision on to the next generation.

He is the best there is at what he does and, despite what he may believe, sometimes what he does is so goddamn beautiful.

I’m ready to see that Wolverine. I’m ready for the Wolverine in this show to grow up. I’m ready for him to get over the most boring woman in the room. Again, Storm’s right there! Or someone else. Or no one else. I honestly don’t care. Grow up. Stop constantly moping. Become more. It’s time. He deserves it. We deserve it. Give it to me. I want it.

[wordsandrobots]

Me: hey, how about we pick one idea into which to sink this unfocused need to write something new now Wishing on Space Hardware is completed.

My brain: Have you considered randomly fixating on Iron-Blooded Orphans' director referred to Agnika Kaieru as being 'like a shonen protagonist' and revisiting the concept for a gathering of the original Seven Stars, the one you dismissed because it would be just blatantly making stuff up about why Gjallarhorn turned out the way it did.

My brain: Also here's some random extra smut featuring Shino, Yamagi and Eugene.

Me: . . . you cannot behave for even five seconds, can you?

My brain: 8)

The smut has been added into the pile. I have now completed two E-rated fics, which I may post when I'm done with WoSH.

Beyond that, I am temporarily exorcising the Seven Stars fic idea as the following script in which I try to work out voices for each of them. I will not be working on this any further until after the Urdr Hunt animated feature comes out, because hopefully that will include details about the first Baklazan and I can de-assign him, her or them from Antarctica.

The Death of Agnika Kaieru

INT: Library inside Agnika Kaieru's mansion

Gargin Bauduin (who has an eyepatch): “Hello Kalf.”

Kalf Falk (who walks using cybernetic leg braces): “Oh. It's you two. Sorry. I didn't –”

Gargin: “Quite all right. We understand completely, don't we Angelica?”

Angelica Elion (who is in a wheelchair): “It's natural to be upset after seeing him like that.”

Kalf: “He's just… he was always so… vital. Now he's just lying there and… I keep wondering how that could have happened.”

Gargin: “Age, usually. That'd be the normal cause. Trust Agnika to get the same result three times fast.”

Angelica: “It's good to see you. We weren't sure you would make it, given how busy you've been.”

Kalf: “Yes, well. Someone has to care about the things none of the rest of you can be bothered with.”

Gargin: “Come on, don't be like that. We rely on your work getting the Ariadne back into shape. Don't know what we'd have done without you.”

Kalf: “I suppose you could've always thrown some of your pet cult at the problem.”

Angelica: “The Seven Star Corps is the reason we've been able to make any progress with the rebuilding. Whatever you think of it as a concept, it has been both necessary and successful.”

Gargin: “Not to mention the sacrifice its members have made. I would have thought you'd be the last person to sneer at those who've lost everything and yet still find it in themselves to work for the good of the future.”

Kalf: “I – yes. You're right. I apologise. That was… I'm just…”

Angelica: “Believe me, we all are. We understand.”

Kalf: “So, um, how's Deborah?”

Gargin: “Big as a house and cursing me daily for having the gall to conceive a child with her. Any protest I make over how I couldn't possibly have predicted triplets is being treated as an act of war. How's Marco?”

Kalf: “Fine. Or, well, he was last I had the chance to speak to him. And believe me, I see the irony of a communications expert not finding time to talk to his boyfriend.”

Angelica: “Perhaps once we're done here, you'll be able to go visit him.”

Kalf: “Perhaps.”

There follows a scene in which Arzona Issue arrives and gets into a heated argument with Kalf over Gjallarhorn's future, which leads to Kalf storming out.

Gargin: “That could have gone better.”

Arzona Issue, dropping into an armchair: “He's never forgiven me for what happened in Paris.”

Gargin: “Massacres do tend to cast shadows over a friendship, yes.”

Arzona: “I didn't want things to go that way. I tried to stop it! But in the end –”

Gargin: “I know, Arzona, old man. I know. Deep down, so does Kalf. He's a surly little brat at times but he's stuck with us this far.”

Arzona: “I'm just trying to be logical. Agnika held everything together by force of will. Without him…”

Angelica: Starting a family isn't something people generally do out of logic. Or at least, not out of spoken logic. Not all of us were born with the expectation that we existed to advance our parents' name, you know.”

Arzona: “I am aware, thank you. I… I shouldn't have brought it up. We can't discuss it properly yet anyway. But with so much to do… Agnika's not even left a will, can you believe that? The single most important man on the planet and he's going to die without his affairs in order.”

Gargin: “That seems somewhat out of character.”

Arzona: “I asked him about it once. Early on, when we were pulling all remaining military assets under our command. He'd defined the chain of command down to each individual soldier but as for his personal life – he told me he'd worry about it when the mission was complete.”

Angelica: “Now that's like him.”

Arzona: “He was asking for Valerie earlier. Came round for a while and then … Valerie, Alvin, even Petr. His old friends. I didn't know what to tell him. If he'd forgotten…”

Gargin: “Ah, come now, don't tear yourself up. This is one area where you're allowed not to be perfect, believe me.”

Arzona: “I wonder if it's going to be our fate too, eventually. Fading by degrees and then – oh. F-forgive me, Angelica. That probably sounded…”

Angelica: “It's an extremely sensible concern. None of us understand the long-term effects of the augmentation procedures, much less the toll the War took. I sometimes suspect it's easier for those of us who already lost the use of a limb or two. Saves waiting for the unexpected.”

Gargin: “Besides, Agnika always pushed himself more than the rest of us. My eye, Kalf and Angelica's legs, those were our extremes. Agnika's lay far beyond us.

Arzona: “Perhaps. I still can't shake the idea time is set against our efforts.”

Angelica: “That will always be true.”

------------------------

EXT: Garden

Maki Fareed (wine-glass in hand): “Dear me, dear me. Here's a man reeling from a regrettable encounter with our illustrious leader. Come sit with us, my child, and have a good long scream into the koi pond. It'll make you feel better.”

Kalf Falk: “Uh… sure. Fine. Yes. Arzona is being…”

Maki: “Arzona is being Arzona, as per usual. Did he give you the pitch for building a dynasty, too?”

Kalf: “Does he really expect us to become, what? A new hereditary elite? Did he forget how the War started?”

Maki: “What goes on inside his head is something I have long since ceased trying to fathom. All I know is, I became a pilot precisely to avoid being reduced to a brood mare and the irony tastes bitter. God, I envy Baklazan. Imagine being stuck a million miles from this dreary excuse for the wake. Lucky bastard.”

Embrilla Kujan: “Agnika isn't dead yet.”

Maki: “Neither is a vegetable before it's picked. I fail to see what is gained by splitting hairs.”

Embrilla: “Tactful as ever…”

Maki: “Do shut up, you dreadful old stick-in-the-mud. If Arzona's already planning the funeral and the next five hundred years, I don't see why I need to guard my tongue.”

Kalf: “Him and his damn plans – and of course Gargin and Angelica are going along with it.”

Maki: “But of course. The Greater-Good Gang sticks together.”

Embrilla: “I wonder what Agnika would have thought.”

Maki: “Not to speak ill of the soon to depart but I believe we all know this is coming out of Agnika leaving too much room for Arzona to do the thinking in certain matters. Oh, don't look at me like that. He was an inspiration, obviously, but he did have a regrettable tendency to make everything about himself. It's not sustainable.”

Kalf: “I always thought he had a good grasp on the long-term. Everything he said was always about what we owed humanity's future.”

Embrilla: “Maybe he assumed gathering together people who cared about it the way he did would be enough.”

Maki: “As I said. Now here we are. Speaking of which, who else are we expecting to come pay their respects? Nadira, I assume, and where he goes, Jizin will no doubt follow. Tasmoore?”

Kalf: “Yes, I saw him arriving when I was up at the house.”

Embrilla: “Medoz was on the mission with Baklazan, so she's out.”

Maki: “Pity. She'd liven things up no end. I suppose I'll just have to chip away at Agnika's remarkably well-stocked cellar until my mood has been sufficiently detached from the circumstances. Who did this place belong to before it became a convalescent home, anyway? I cannot believe these vintages were collected by someone even you two could drink under the table.”

Embrilla: “Have you ever tried taking anything seriously, Maki? You might enjoy the novelty.”

Maki: “Oh, I absolutely have. But you'll notice there are no mobile armours left to kill, my dismal darling, and past them, I have found very little to be worth the effort.”

Kalf: “It belonged to some kind of regional governor. They donated it to Agnika in honour of everything he'd done, when the War was finally declared over. I don't think he ever used it before.”

Embrilla: “That tracks.”

Maki: “Doesn't it just? Well, bottoms-up, dear-hearts. Here's to the man who saved the world.”

--------------

For the sake of clarity, I seem to be leaning towards treating Maki and Embrilla as inseparable friends whose love-language is hurling insults at one another. Maki, Arzona and Gargin are hold-outs from whatever aristocratic organisations existed pre-War to lead to the whole 'honour duel' thing. Kalf and Angelica are somewhat younger and somewhat lower class. My thoughts on Agnika place him as growing up more in a academic/scientific environment, which is why he's friends with a bunch of engineers and mathematicians pre-War (this is expanding from stuff I sketched in Eugene Sevenstark and the Hesperus Treasure).

The Seven Star Corps is a concept I came up with to explain where the surname 'Sevenstark' comes from, because it clearly requires some sort of history.

I'm not sure where this piece would be going if I wrote it in full, which is why I haven't written it already. However, I may be able to use it as set-up for the sequel-sequel fics that I have alluded to previously, for reasons I won't get into yet.

[thiswasinevitableid]

Siren Song (Danbrey)

The runner up for "weird mer" prompts was: A siren musician annoyed no one can give unbiased feedback on their songs

Sirens know many things. How to lure ships just where they want them. Which sharks make the most loyal pets. The best sunken wrecks for a Sunday brunch. And, ostensibly, how to make their sea gardens grow lusher than the mind can imagine. 

The secret, of course, is singing to the plants. Which should be easy for a siren. 

Dani has been singing at hers for two weeks and has barely gotten so much as a sprout. And she’s pretty sure that, statistically, that would have happened for her whether she was singing or not. 

Every other siren’s garden is already busting out of it’s bed. And Dani usually has no issue with her plants. Which means the most likely culprit is her voice.

She’s pretty sure it sucks. 

But there’s not a way to prove that; humans will always hear a beautiful voice promising whatever their heart desires. Siren’s hear each other's songs as fish hear each other bark; they know it’s happening and what it communicates, but quality is not registered. 

This is why Dani is currently sitting on a rock in a small sea cave in the cliffs that make up the shore, trying to see if the acoustics will somehow give her a realistic sense of her voice. When that doesn’t work, she covers her ears to see if she can hear herself better that way. No luck there either, though she can tell she doesn’t sound like the humans who sing on the outside stages in the nearby town square. 

Uncovering her ears, she picks up a conversation on the beach beside the cave. 

“What’s wrong, doctor? The seagulls aren’t even calling, there’s nothing to be upset about.”

There’s no reply, but the voice continues, “Here, do you want a strawberry? Yeah, see, there we go, everything’s fine.” 

Curious, Dani swims out of the cave and peers around the rocks to the beach. It’s the middle of the week, when most humans are at work, and according to her friend Mama, the schools aren’t out yet so no one is on vacation. 

The only person who can see her is the owner of the voice, who may be the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen, human or mer. There’s a mess off curly, black hair piled on her head, and even from here Dani can see a spray of freckles on her nose and more dotting her tan arms. She’s wearing sunglasses–always dangerous, it’s harder to tell where a human is looking when they do that–in bright red frames. She’s sitting on a bright orange blanket, and at her feet is the little land otter humans call a rabbit. But this isn’t the kind Dani sees nibbling grass on the sloping hills near the sea; it’s huge, its sand-colored fur smushed in places by a vest connected to a leash. 

“There we go buddy” The woman pets the rabbits head, “honestly, what freaks you out sometimes is a mystery.”

On a hunch, Dani stays low in the water and starts singing. The rabbit’s body goes stiff and then it thumps its back feet into the sand, looks at the woman, and thumps again when she continues sitting there. 

“Okay, if you’re this freaked out we’re going home before it turns out there’s, like, a sea monster or something.”

“There isn’t” 

“JESUS CHRIST” The woman jolts on the blanket as Dani appears on the shore, “sorry, scared me. I’m totally cool with mermaids.” Her posture relaxes, “Do you know why Dr. Harris Bonkers is freaking out?”

“I think it’s my singing. I’m a siren, and I was practicing when he started getting upset.” 

“Cooool. Um, I mean, I guess that could be it? I didn’t really hear you singing.”

“I was trying to do it softly so I didn’t send anyone over the cliffs or something like that. Maybe his big ears heard it?”

“Probably. Bunnies do have great hearing. Yes you do.” She rubs the rabbit's ears and it hunkers down into a happy loaf. 

Dani fiddles with the ends of her hair, “This might sound weird, but could you and your rabbit help me out? I’m trying to tell if my singing is any good and he might be the only animal that could tell me.”

The woman looks at her a moment, pink creeping up her cheeks, “Um, yeah, that’d be great. We’d love to help you out.”

“Fantastic! Meet me here this time tomorrow?”

The human smiles, “It’s a date.”

—-------------------------------------------------

The human–Aubrey, as she introduces herself–is more covered today, thanks to the cloudy skies. Dani tries not to be too sad about it. She can still see the little, cartoon fire tattoo on her ankle and wonder what it looks like while it’s owner swims about her in the water. 

“Do I need to, like, cover my ears?” Aubrey rubs the rabbit’s nose as Dani settles on the shore. 

“You should be fine. I’ll just sing scales. Also I can pull you out of the water if you wander into it in a trance. “

“Glad to know I’ve got a lifeguard.” Aubrey’s smile is even more enchanting close-up, “okay, Doctor, you ready?”

The rabbit wiggles its nose but does nothing else, so Dani starts up the scales she’s heard other sirens use. It only takes one trip up and down before the rabbit is thumping. When Aubrey rubs his ears and tells her to try again, he can be a tough critic, Dani obeys. 

The next set of scales results in the rabbit trying to hide under the blanket Aubrey is sitting on. 

“Hmmm, okay, maybe let’s take a break. Here, I brought lunch.” She pulls out a bagel sandwich, then another with salmon on it, “I figured this’d be safe for you? My friend Duck says sirens can eat all kinds of things but also I think his boyfriend might have more of a, um, garbage palate.”

“Thanks” Dani scoots up to sit on the sand beside her, “sirens who’re full of themselves will only eat fresh fish with nothing on it. Not me; my friend got me hooked on sushi from that place on the pier. He’s been bringing other stuff back too but I’m not sure where he’s getting it.”

“Ooh, I can for sure bring sushi next time. Mrs. Takahasi gives me a discount since I perform at all the family birthday parties.”

“Are you a singer?”

“Pfft, no.” She smiles like it’s no big deal, “I’m a magician! Dr. Harris Bonkers is my assistant.” She reaches behind Dani’s ear and comes back with a small, black card reading The Lady Flame.

Dani sees there’s a phone number on the card and wishes for one that works underwater. 

In no hurry to embarrass herself more for the day, she asks Aubrey what it’s like to perform in front of kids, and listens as the human describes the good (little kids hugging her or parents saying their child demanded Aubrey come for their party after performing the prior year) and the bad (cake. So much thrown cake).

The music from the nearby bar blares to life, signaling the start of the evening, and Aubrey freezes mid-sentence. 

“Crap! I have a show in a half hour!” She scrambles up, “same time tomorrow? I really want to keep seeing you I MEAN helping you.”

Dani blushes, “See you then.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is hopeless.” Dani lays face down, body in the sand but face on Aubrey’s blanket. Aubrey strokes her back in sympathy. They’ve been at this two weeks and made no progress. Today show downloaded an app on her phone that’s supposed to help you determine if you’re on key by turning notes green when you hit them.

The dang thing is still flashing every color under the sun.

She wishes she knew how to help; Dani is amazing and it sucks to see her so down on herself day after day. 

“Dani? Why is it so important that your voice be objectively good? Like, it works how it’s supposed to on people, so everyone thinks it’s good, then why not just call it good?”

The mermaid rolls onto her back, golden hair fanning onto the blanket. She’s wearing a bikini top of woven, bright green sea grass that Aubrey thinks looks great but also kind of wishes would disappear. 

“It’s for my garden. Or, part of my garden. Every year there’s a huge garden show and any siren who thinks they’ve got what it takes spends months, if not the whole year, singing their entry into shape. Mine isn’t growing how it’s supposed to under my singing. And you know the worst part?”

Aubrey shakes her head.

“I’m a great gardener! People ask for my flowers for their birthdays!I have all kinds of cool plants in front of my house,  have a kitchen garden and plants from seeds and cuttings that have been in my family for generations! Which is really hard to do; one weird current or freak temperature change and they could be gone. I’m good at this but…but it took me years to work up the nerve to enter the show. Because the judges favor certain plants and if it’s not the greenest and lushest they barely look twice at it. So I figured, what the hell, if I can grow heirloom sea beans I can grow giant Aqua Monstera. Now I just feel silly.”

“It’s not silly. You wanna show off what you love and what you’re good at. You didn’t know about the singing thing beforehand. Honestly you’re probably, like, the first siren in history to wonder if she can sing.”

“I guess.” Dani sighs, “maybe I should just bow out. Give my spot in the competition to someone else.”

“Or…” Aubrey pets a strand of sunshine hair, “you could enter it on your own terms. Even if you don’t win, maybe you’ll, like, remind people that there’s more than one way to be beautiful, you know?”

Dani looks up at her, eyes like sunken gold, “Yeah, I think I do. And I just got the perfect inspiration.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, Dani, I was-”

“Sorry Barclay, no time to talk, I’ve got to get all these planted.”

“Holy fuck, aren’t the judges going to lose their shit if you include that?”

“Maybe but I don’t care, I’ve wanted to try growing them for years and Aubrey was right, this is about showing off what I love.”

“That’s the spirit. Wait, Aubrey? Who’s Aubrey?”

“Uhhh, can’t talk, these need to be in beds ASAP.”

“You better invite her to dinner soon!”

“Yeah okay I will it’ll have to be on shore bye!”

“What?”

—---------------------------------------------------------------

Aubrey sets cake on the blanket, checking her phone every ten seconds like that will make the time go faster. She’s left Dr. Harris Bonkers at home; whatever Dani is feeling after the garden show, she wants the siren to have her full attention.

When her friend surfaces, Aubrey can’t get a read on her expression, even when she slides up the damp sand onto the blanket. 

“Did it go okay?”

“No.” Dani grins, “but also yes. The judges made a lot of snide comments about how my greenery showed a siren lacking in essential skills. But” she holds up a pearly-green coin on a strand of tiny puka shells, “there’s an award for crowd favorite, and guess who won?”

“Holy crap! That’s amazing”

“I know! I–why does that cake “congratulations/I’m sorry.”

“I, uh, I thought you could pull it off, and I wanted something for us to have if things went well. But also you made it clear that the judges are dicks so I figured it needed to have another meaning just in case.”

“You’re sweet, fireblossom. Here, I have something for you too.”

Aubrey is so busy processing the potential pet name that she barely notices Dani zipping into–then back out of–the water. The siren sets a bundle of plants tied with a red string on the blanket. 

“Wow, I didn’t know you could grow stuff like this in the sea.” Aubrey picks up the bouquet of red, black, and orange blooms. Some are star-shaped, others swirled like shells or spiky like urchins, “I love the colors.”

“I knew you would. You were my inspiration.” Dani grins, sharp toothed and beautiful, “once I thought of making a garden to remind me of you, it all came together.”

Aubrey leans forward and kisses her, the siren humming happily and climbing between her legs as she returns it. 

“Don’t suppose there’s a way for me to see the whole thing?” Aubrey murmurs, stroking Dani’s cheek.

“A friend of mine can hook you up with a spell so you can breathe underwater.” The siren nibbles her ear, “and I’d love to show you my garden. I even have one by my bed.”

Aubrey smirks, then kisses her nose, “Okay cutie, you can show me your garden any time.” She sighs as Dani kisses her neck, “you wanna have some,uh, dessert after we have the cake?”

A teasing, loving, vaguely toothy kiss finds her shoulder, “Reverse it and we’ve got a deal.”

“You sirens, so wily and persuasive, you’ve convinced me. C’mere.”

[pluralprompts]

Hi yeah I am a ramcoa system and for starters the system community has a HUGE problem with what you're doing which is "well its fiction so its fine" or "well you're just one kind of system what about these OTHER systems that are sort of similar but arent actually experiencing even close to the same thing". Having people from ramcoa "explore their trauma" through fiction is not only a bad idea, its dangerous. The systems with "false memories" implanted into them by a "big bad" ARE ramcoa systems. Ramcoa systems should not be exploring their trauma through any means other than therapy. And yes I know therapy is expensive and all of that. What happens when you explore that level of trauma alone leads to VERY DANGEROUS situations that often lead to the system hurting themselves and possibly, though rarely as theyre more likely to hurt themselves, even others. False memories and gaslighting are NOT the same thing. Gaslighting does not lead to you creating a whole past in your mind that didn't actually happen it makes you QUESTION what you know happened which can make it feel like the thing you DO remember is a false memory. That is not and has never been what false memories are. I have been both abused through severe gaslighting and am a ramcoa system. It is offensive to use our trauma as a trope, regardless of how "popular" it is. Split was a popular movie. Does that make it good? No. Ramcoa systems are the systems with false memories and using them like that and then hiding behind "it's fiction to explore" it's just a really crappy thing to do. Ramcoa systems exploring their trauma without the proper tools and support system is EXTREMELY dangerous.

If you wanted something better talk about gaslighting. Like real gaslighting. "Mastermind B" has been making system A question their every move for so long. When System A finds out it was all to make them listen to Mastermind B, they aren't as upset as B imagined they would be.

Or have it be like the movie The Truman Show. That's not taking years of someone's life and making them believe in never happened through abusive means. It's almost the same, but more just fucking weird than abusive. It happened. That was their life. But it all happened in a bubble for some experiment/TV show/whatever.

Thank you for answering my questions. In accordance with your concerns, I shall edit the prompt.

For the record, I did not mean for my response to seem like I was "hiding behind fiction to explore" as an excuse – I was genuinely curious about why that didn't appear to be considered in the original ask, as I know of other systems who have worked through similar problems and experiences in that way.

There is one more thing I would like clarification on before I edit the prompt, if you're willing to give it. Would it help if I made it clear that Mastermind B gave System A false memories through fantastical means that have no associations with the abuse RAMCOA systems go through, or would you prefer the prompt to more clearly reflect gaslighting (or some other experience)? The original prompt was meant to be about fantastical/unrealistic means of implanting false memories (for example, a sci-fi device that can create fake backstories), and wasn't at all meant to be about abuse (although I acknowledge the prompt could be taken that way – it simply wasn't what I was thinking of when writing it, hence why I was mainly speaking about fantastical elements in my last response), so I'd like to know if that would be an alright option.

[rat-rosemary]

rat, with all politeness, i dont think q needs therapy. I think something happened behind the scenes between the two (Dream and Q), and Dream upset Q over something that may not be entirely QSMP related--QSMP/USMP may have been the straw to break the camels back. Strong disclaimer, I dont think Dream is abusive/evil, this is just my real life example to illustrate why someone ghosts. It is an extreme--- I cut contact/went no contact with an abusive parent--they took to social media for a year straight with massive posts about how much they loved me, how they dont understand why I did that, how theyre very sorry and support me in everything. They refused to take "i do not want to speak with you, unless you can respect my boundaries" as an answer. Constantly they overstepped. Id tell them "here is why im mad" and they would turn around and say "i dont get why theyre mad?! I apologized?" Or "those reasons arent enough!" Many times other people contacted me on their behalf with claims they were dying/sick. They were not. Some of my parents friends would stalk me/insist I must be mentally unwell.

I dont think Dream is remotely doing that. I think hes a normal, if flawed, guy. However, I empathize heavily with Q. People don't get no-contact. They think its about cruelty. Its about "no matter how much we communicate you continue to not hear me/disrespect me. For my own health, i would like to stop this relationship." Its a last resort for when you tried everything.

I dont know what happened between them, but Im squicked by Dreams refusal to accept Quackity does not want to talk. Its my own personal bias/experience and it bothers me people assume Q's crazy/cruel, because Ive been there. I feel Dreams pain, but I think he might have missed the bigger issue at some point.

But its all speculation. I just ask politely dont label that action crazy. Youre welcome to not reply, i just noticed youre very much trying to see all sides.

Yes, if Quackity didn't want to talk to Dream anymore I think that's fine

But the thing is, he didn't have to talk to Dream to help manage this situation! He could just have made a tweet saying "hey guys, this is not okay, back off" and it would have been fine!

That's why Dream has been so insisting with this whole thing. Because he and his loved ones are in very serious danger, bad enough to get the police AND the fbi involved and Quackity could have helped to make it better by just making a quick comment or a single tweet telling his fans to stop

I absolutely agree that people don't get how hard it is to go non-contact with someone, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but Quackity didn't need to be in contact with Dream to do something

Because the people he needed to talk to are his own fans, who he is in contact with

(Also, I'm kind of saying it sounds like Quackity needs therapy because from everything we have been presented with, it sound more like there was something bothering him that he refused to communicate to his friends and it grew until this happen. But hey, I don't know because he refuses to give his side of the story!)

[gothprentiss]

hi & fuck it post fic wip

“If he feels too sick to commit to a call, how’s he going to take care of our children?”

Emily recalls that day in Miami. The same expression on JJ’s face: adrift, vulnerable, pensive, hurt. She’d thought about intervening then. She could have been the one to run to Will, just to tell him to scrap his dumb animal theory of behavior, desire, and family. You think SHE’s being irrational? She’s the only one looking at the world with clear eyes. She knows what this means for her. You only know what it means for your fantasies of the future.

“He probably thinks it’s better if it’s not both of you feeling the way he does,” she says, as mildly as she can. JJ’s eyebrows furrow in defensive annoyance and she thinks she might have gone too mild. “Besides— soup, vegetables, sandwiches? You know Henry can manage all of that for a bit.”

“Yeah,” says JJ. She stares at Emily’s kitchen counter for a second, and once more her voice constricts. “Yeah.”

“I know you hate not being able to be there for them,” Emily says gently. “But letting them feel like they’re keeping you safe is important to them.”

“I’ve been away longer before,” says JJ, flat and hollow. “They’ve been fine.”

It wouldn’t be Will and JJ if there weren’t layers to peel delicately back. Someday, Emily thinks, she’ll get to the core, and see if it’s rotten or not.

“Sit down,” she says, waving JJ over to a bar stool. JJ assents with the docility of the defeated, perching her elbows on the marble countertop, wincing as her bare skin makes contact with its cold surface. “Tell me what else you’re upset about.”

She flinches. The cold flush is gone from her face, leaving only her eyes red and puffy. “I—” JJ sighs, then, and drops her head, resting her forehead in the crooks of her arms. Her fingers curl into fists, then release. 

The facile read here is that this is the defensive posture of a boxer, the body seeking its hardwired position of power where no other control can be found. But JJ isn’t frantic with worry— the boys are fine, and Will’s clearly well enough to assert himself, otherwise JJ would be at her own house right now. She’s calm, alert; the defeat she’s all but announcing to the world seems neither immediate nor alarming. When JJ said the boys have been fine without her for longer before— it could just be the fear of irrelevance in her own family. Go or stay, no difference. But no— no, she wouldn’t be here, even then, even to hide her hurt. 

“He’s panicking,” JJ says finally. “And when he panics, it’s like— there’s nothing in the world except how afraid he is, and nothing else matters. And, you know, I don’t get to panic.”

Emily nods. There’s not much else to do except to be present. JJ opens up like she doesn’t know opening up is a metaphor. You can practically see two heavy iron doors unbolting in her mind.

“I love him, you know. But tell me why I feel like I have to say that now— like it’s not obvious, or like it might not be true—”

“Do you feel like you’re betraying him?”

“God, no,” says JJ. There’s a distant look in her eyes, like a process of realization is happening just over the horizon, as she turns her face to stare just past Emily’s. “I feel like he’s betrayed me.”

“Because he’s too wrapped up in his own fear to think about yours.”

“No. Yes. No— maybe. I don’t know.”

It’s not like JJ’s relationship hasn’t been tumultuous. Will has always had that particular big-town cop tenacity, the kind of hard-nosed stubbornness you only get by having your nose rubbed in the gravel of life’s uncontrollability every day you live it. Leaving New Orleans must have felt like a plum opportunity to build a stable, orderly life. This, in turn, has dulled his particular analytical acumen: the fact that violent pathologies of mind can also be uncontrollable forces of nature which ravage their respective communities has never managed to occur to him. An unsub might as well just be a mugger, as far as he’s concerned. Out of sight, out of mind; there will always be someone else to chase them down, someone more willing to tolerate the risks associated with the job. 

Emily has a certain sympathy for this particular aspect of Will’s viewpoint, which she’s decided never to express to JJ. He’s not right, but it’s a wonderful thing to be able to prioritize the way that he does. It makes him, as far as she can tell, happy in his marriage in a way that is complacent and assured.

JJ, on the other hand, wouldn’t know complacency if it slapped her upside the head with an Employee of the Year plaque.

[ariaste]

@teaandcakewithdragons Think of those emotions that come with the Slough of Despond as a signal, a flashing light that's communicating information to you. A lot of times we interpret our subconscious frustration in quite bad faith -- that is, we subconsciously notice that something is wrong, we feel frustrated, the brain signals "Hello :) I'm frustrated" and this gets translated into the conscious mind as, "UGH!!!! This sucks and I hate it!"

First step to get through it is to take a breath and try to rewind. "This sucks and I hate it" is a signal. It's a signal. It's not the truth, it's just a signal. A little red flag that your brain is waving to say, "Hang on, something's off here." For me, the more I try to ignore the signal or talk myself out of it ("no, don't be silly, it's fine, you loved this last week") the more loud and insistent the signal gets until I CAN'T ignore it, and by that point I'm upset.

Here is the big secret: The opposite of anxiety isn't tranquility -- it's curiosity. If you want to beat the Slough of Desponds... Get curious. Stop trying to ignore the signals your brain is using to try to get you to pay attention to a problem. Stop as soon as you feel a signal, turn TOWARDS it instead of away from it, and think with loving curiosity, "Okay, what's going on here?" And then LISTEN to what you tell yourself with compassion and kindness--and curiosity, curiosity, curiosity.

If your brain is saying, "This is bad and I hate it," ask yourself: "Okay, good to know! What would I like more? What's the ideal outcome? What would be FUN?" Ask yourself, "Hmmm, what's bad about it? When did it start being ''''''bad'''''''? What is the source of the bad?" You will probably have to go back a few pages to figure it out -- usually between 5-20. Tap on the walls to figure out which one is hollow. Check the taps to see which one is dripping. Use the Rubber Ducky method that programmers know about -- get a rubber duckie (or a pet, or a very small child) and explain the problem in small enough words that a little rubber duckie could understand. Stay curious! If you can't figure it out, go have a shower, or a snack, or go for a drive, or sleep. Your brain will keep chewing on it. When you figure it out, you will KNOW, because your whole brain will light up like Christmas and you will feel a surge of delight and joy. "Oh! Of course! I forgot that she was supposed to be sad after her grandfather's funeral, so the vibes of this whole scene with her love interest are WAY OFF! No wonder I was feeling cranky! Hey, that's such an easy thing to fix, I'll just... [tinkers around in the scene, changes a few lines, tweaks the description, adds the poignancy of Grief] Oh that's SO much better!" <- Like that. That's how it will feel.

Another example of what your brain might say: "Ugh, why should I care, why should anyone care, what's the point", those are actually fantastic questions already! Yes! That is your brain telling you, "You know what, i think we need to make this MATTER more to the protagonist. We need to know why SHE cares. Why DOES she care? Why is this problem she's facing CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT, and what disaster will happen if she doesn't solve it?" If the main character doesn't have a reason to particularly care, neither does the reader, and neither do you, and since your brain is really smart, it already knows that. It is trying to help you. It's doing its job.

Listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you. Trust your gut. If the little cranky toddler of your brain tugs on your sleeve, give it your attention and ask it questions. It knows what is wrong and it will point it out to you if you pay attention. I cannot tell you how much easier writing got once I learned this skill. My god I have saved myself so much headache. These days, I do not hit the Slough of Desponds NEARLY so hard as I used to -- at worst I only dip a toe into it now and then. A few sighs and grumbles, sure, a little complaining in a friend's DMs, maybe setting the project aside to stew for a couple weeks and develop some depth of flavor... That's it. It has been YEARS since I had a "sobbing into a pillow that I'm a hack and I'll never amount to anything and everything I write is trash" kind of Slough of Desponds. Because I pay attention to the signals and I stop and do a systems check the moment something goes "BZZT!"

I hate I when I get an idea for a novel. Like oh no here starts the slow sad slip n’ slide to dissapointment again.

[fledermaus-mainblog]

A message to detested and beloved — A parting of ways with old friends

(very vagueposty; it's something I need to get off my chest)

Dear [x] and [y],

I know of my responsibilities today, but my mind cannot be unaltered from the path it is going. I must let it wander, at least to get it into writing.

One of you. X, I am proud of you. I can only watch you from a distance now, which is for the better. You were such a good friend and more to me, but we were not compatible to one another. I regret the way I've handled it deeply. You were always nothing but supportive, and I took it for granted. You hide your sorrow with humor, and I believe I recognize that for what it is now. I never hated you, but I know now that you likely believe I do. For that, I am sorry.

You're an amazing, brilliant person with dazzling potential. Your artwork is a blessing to this world and should be recognized as such — It should be allowed to stand on its own rather than being paraded around as fanart for a popular series. I'm so glad you're still alive. You made it. Please, keep going. No matter what.

And the other you. Y.

You, I'm very disappointed in.

I'm bitter, and I have every right to be. While, yes, I am at fault, and I recognize that fact — You are no innocent, either. I don't even need to try to visit you to know that you think you are. I refuse to visit you, and it's not respecting your boundaries to do so, so I won't.

I should have been there for you, but you lorded over me as though I had always owed you something. Told me I had a superiority complex while demanding that I not talk about my romances just so you could feel better. You had a relationship, and that was fine when you had one. But suddenly when I'm in one, it's not okay?

Being with someone who unconditionally loves me has given me better perspective on some of the ways you treated me. I valued our communication, but you hurt my feelings often. You told me that you didn't want to play games with me because I got too upset. Which I guess is fair, but overstimulation is something I hadn't learned to gauge and control. It wasn't fair to be mean to me about it and tell me you didn't want to play at all.

You poked fun at me about things that I was sensitive about. Things I had told you in confidence and was hoping for support about. You teased me about them and made fun of me. That's not what friends do. Not friends that I want to have, anyway. It hurt.

You told me many times that you were too blunt, and I comforted you and reassured you. But it wasn't really that you were blunt — You were irritable, and when you were irritated, it made you mean.

Everything seemed fine until it wasn't. We had discussions mostly right after I got with my partner and you were willing to talk things through. I apologized for my half and promised to be better. And I made an effort to be better. I even tried to include you in things when it couldn't be just us. But you played that off like I was "giving you pity" and "adding you as an afterthought". I just don't understand your logic. I included you because I missed my friend and wanted them to be a part of plans. But when I got a partner, you changed.

I think about the way you acted very often. But the thing is, I don't think you do. I don't think you care. I always hope that you'll realize that you were in the wrong too, and maybe grow a little wiser so that maybe you don't hurt the other people in your life. I don't want an apology, as nice as that would be — I want you to be different to whoever you befriend from now on. I want you to be kind like you were when it started.

I just replay that conversation again and again and it frustrates me. I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't bother me and keeping it internal. I need to express my thoughts in hopes I can get rid of them once and for all.

[renewingagain]

monday 25 september 2023 // 12:03am

WHY do i never go to sleep at a reasonable hour lol!!!!

things are still busy as always - prepping for tour and weddings are a lot

i should really journal more it helps center me a lot, especially when my mind is going haywire

im talking to this boy i really like but he doesnt reply very often which is making me feel a bit weird - like it can be a couple days without a reply. i mainly feel weird abt it because he once ghosted me before, and prior to him disappearing this is what it was like. i dont want to get too caught in my feelings but i really like him which is so wild and so fast for me. i suppose we'll just have to have a convo about our communication styles should this continue - and if he replies lol! but also hes a busy person, but then again so am i? i just feel like i'm putting in more effort than he is and its a little upsetting i guess - i just want more and i want to be the focus of someones attention. ig it just sucks a bit when someone may not want u in the same way u want them. we'll just see what happens though. all i want is honesty - if someone loses interest then its fine i can take that easy - i just dont want my time and effort to be wasted when it could be going to other things or other people. he says he got a lot of love to give tho - give it to me ugh hahaaha

i however, dont want it to affect me too much. im busy and i have other things i need to be getting on with. i got a job interview for a role i actually WANT coming up - this should be my focus really rather than some boy or any boy really. i have also concocted a list of things i want to be doing every day / most days just to better myself as a person - like reading, working out, and making music. i say this all the time and i never do it though - when is change going to happen g?

even if it doesnt work out with this boy - yeah the circumstances of it might be shit but you will find someone you love eventually. there is only so much you can do and you will find a person for you. someone who will love you and be obsessed with you for you in your entirety

you also need to love and better yourself. dont let every working day be the same and boring - your current job is shit as it is. make your days interesting - learn something new and do something new every day. stop coming home from work, scrolling, gaming and sleeping. that is such a boring life! you are a creative - don't dull yourself. create!

read that damn book by your dresser. tomorrow (today really) is a new week, and you've got some core responsibilities out of the way now. lets see some change, and lets get fit for tour

the boy sitch yes its annoying - he could be making more effort. but you are just talking still - maybe there needs to be a little confrontation or clarification to set expectation. but someone elses actions are not in your control and there is only so much more you can do

remember also to treasure and love others around you. they are your family. like sam, lorcan, arjun and my actual family

although i dont really say i am christian anymore, i still want my ultimate purpose just to be to love. to be kind to others, make others feel loved and appreciated, and good. not to sound cliche but that is what we need in the world. we were always taught in primary school to 'treat others the way you want to be treated' - and its true!

tilly got married this week and everyone spoke so highly of her - it really wowed me that she has had such an impact on the lives of many individuals and that is so inspiring to me. she is pure honey and i love the way she walks and carries herself. i want to be like that too - i want to be good

Jesus will you help me to love the way you love and keep love and selflessness at the heart of everything i do <3

[dennisboobs]

@absolutely-not-my-main-blog

god YES precisely. the point of no return. and it makes it even more bizarre because of the episode's placement in the season, imo. like this wasn't a finale ep, it's not a two-parter. we watch this and are just expected to move past it as if there wasn't just a list of arguably the gang's worst crimes committed to date. which like, its no surprise that they're terrible people, but they almost always experience karmic justice or some form of consequences for their actions. i think new wheels shifts the show to a place where you are just. unable to enjoy the characters. and latter seasons have this pervasive feeling of... idk. being unable to enjoy anything, because not only do these characters suck, but they don't even feel like friends who (occasionally) like each other anymore. there's no humanity left in them. you rewatch early seasons and they all still feel like they're stupid idiots who could actually plausibly exist. they're terrible people, but they're still relatively grounded, and the show is fun to watch. something about the series (and for me it actually starts in 11, lets up for 12, and goes down hard in 13) just stops working for some reason i cannot put my finger on. it's like. the feeling of fun was drained out of everything. with the exception of a few episodes (suburbs.), i genuinely believe season 1 is better than 11 or 13.

it's really hard to watch when shit keeps pinging back and forth between clearly wanting you to genuinely empathize with the cast (dennis' arc throughout 12 with ptsdee, tends bar, dennis' double life, and an ep like mac finds his pride) when it goes so far beyond a group of friends who keep taking something stupid, oftentimes mundane and normal, then accidentally making shit catastrophic for themselves and having to deal with it:

kidnapping a critic that gives them a bad review -> only getting away with it because he decided not to press charges

impulsively selling drugs they happened to find -> being forced to deal more drugs (and dennis is forced into sex work) to pay back the gangsters

burning down a family's house after attempting to give it a makeover -> dee is forced to give up her mom's mansion for the family to stay in

and then it just becomes. you killed a child? you banged a kid? oh, okay, no worries. everything's fine, let's just reset things. frank and dee get a little bit banged up in their accident and lose the 2018 range rover, but that's it.

dee bangs a kid because she wanted to "cuck a bitch" -> she loses the car but gets away with the crime

mac and charlie beat up a group of children who stole mac's bike and kill one of them -> they get away with killing a child

the gang accidentally blew up an empty building and were tracked down and made to do community service. dennis was implicated in maureen's apparent suicide. we know they all have existing criminal records. and yet here, not only do they get away with it, but they're also content to ignore that it ever happened, and so is the show. usually when a more serious crime is committed it's at LEAST the focus of an episode. the structure of this episode positions everyone in a place where it's just business as usual for them. and then no one even fucking reacts or points out how horrific the crimes that've been committed are. which... they usually would. they do in the future and have in the past.

new wheels is absolutely my least favourite episode in the entire series, and while there are episodes that suck more on a technical level, or some that aren't super fun on a rewatch, nothing has left me as genuinely upset as new wheels did lol

and then the script. good god. the fact that new wheels was WORSE before it was edited down. i already hated it with a passion but knowing that they planned to insinuate that dennis killed his fucking son makes me furious 💀💀💀

Yes! Someone who shares my opinion of New Wheels! I’d seen mostly positives for it around but I never liked it much for the exact reasons you said!

Oh I have.... definitely expressed my hatred for it. I was surprised by the results of the poll I did, and I've seen a lot of love for it too; rewatching I honestly can really only say Why. Why does this episode exist, and why does it play out like that. Like, surface level it's an alright episode, rewatching all of s13 I can maybe understand why people would say it's the best episode of the season, but it's just... perfectly exemplary of the weirdness of the entire season. I know RCG doesn't like having to deal with continuity in most seasons (s2 was an exception because they were trying to integrate Frank into the gang, and it ended up fucking them over bc the network reordered the episodes creating weird continuity errors) but there's a difference between basic continuity (adhering to previously established lore) versus writing a semi-continuous story that carries throughout the season. Glenn has talked before about preferring to keep the show more grounded rather than allowing it to be cartoonish (arguing against the inclusion of little things like adding SFX for Frank firing the gun in post when they hadn't planned for that in a scene, which means that there's a complete lack of reaction from people in the restaurant = unrealistic) and I have to wonder if it's a coincidence that for the seasons he wasn't in the writers room for, shit got. wild. I think at some point you have to draw a line and say, okay, there is no way in fucking hell these are real people anymore. Not that they haven't been getting away with absolutely despicable shit for years now, but it used to be that the designated straight man of a scene would at LEAST point out how fucked up something is, have some sort of objection, something to ground the show in reality and remind us that these characters are in the real world who could face consequences (injury, community service, arrest). I feel that's what missing from New Wheels. WE as the audience knows how fucked up it is for Mac and Charlie to kill a child, or for Dee to sleep with a minor, but to have Dennis, completely removed from the situation, not react with shock or horror, is...... a weird choice. Especially with how grounded his arc is, and how grounded HE is, relative to the rest of the gang in the episode. It feels off. Even if it was like, Mac and Charlie saying YOU DID WHAT? to Dee, and she and Frank doing the same back after hearing that they're unsure if they killed a kid. Zero judgement at all? Unlike the gang <3 They can generally recognize when the OTHERS pull something that's completely batshit,they just lack self-awareness when they're the one committing the acts yknow?? not always, but usually.

[6okuto]

ACCIDENTALLY MAKING THEM CRY

gn!reader | sugawara, atsumu

warnings: reader gets angry + frustrated, swearing, a bit ooc. oops. don't think about it

note: reminder to communicate w the people around u always + my reqs r open again ^___^ meow!

SUGAWARA

life’s been hard lately. your work’s piling up, and it’s stressing you out so you avoid it, landing you in a seemingly endless cycle of unproductive worry. it’s to the point that you’re getting more easily agitated, and you’ve been trying to avoid making anyone victim to your sour mood.

but suga’s taken notice—of course he has, considering he hasn't seen you in 6 hours. and he refuses to let it deter him from taking care of you, even after reading your text that says “i’m gonna be working so please don’t come in !! thank u.” he gets some of your favourite snacks along with some sliced fruit and water, and heads to your desk.

you tense up at the knock on your door, but take a deep breath before saying he can come in. “hey. i know you said you’d be working, but i thought i’d bring you some food at least.”

knowing he means well, you thank him quietly and expect him to leave after. but he lingers beside you. “you doing okay?”

“yeah, i’m fine,” you answer quickly, already feeling that unwarranted annoyance you’ve been trying to stop. “you sure? i know you have a lot to do, and i don’t want you to overwork yourself.”

“yes, i’m fine, koshi.” you try to breathe and unclench your jaw. your boyfriend frowns and takes your response as exhaustion rather than annoyance, and tries again. “okay, just…know that it’s good to take breaks or ask for help, it'll be okay. i haven't seen you all day, you know?”

“can you stop?” your voice is cold enough to make him freeze, and something caves in his chest. “this isn’t—it isn’t okay.”

“okay, okay, hey, i'm sorry. i just,” he starts slowly, frowning. “i wanted you to know it’ll get better eventually.”

“okay, well, when you say that every time i’m upset it kind of loses its effect. i know it’s going to get better, but not right now with you here, so i’d appreciate it if you could just leave me alone,” you finally snap.

koshi stares at you in silence, breaking it after a few seconds to call your name as his voice wavers a little. "i know you didn't mean to talk to me like that."

"you don't know that." with your back still to him you repeat yourself with a huff, “seriously, koshi, just leave. you aren’t helping, i’m just…fucking annoyed. i don't want you here.”

“i...okay.” suga’s voice comes out softer than he intended, and he clears his throat. “okay, i’m sorry.” you glance over at the sound of him sniffling, and watch as he scratches the corner of his eye while making his way to the door. it twists something your gut, and an ugly, guilty feeling overwhelms you.

you sit with it, wishing it would swallow you whole. but after a few minutes pass you finally stand up to go find your boyfriend. it doesn’t take long—he’s sitting on the couch with a throw blanket, scrolling on his phone. suga looks up at the sound of your footsteps and quickly looks back down, but not before you see his teary eyes accompanied by a red nose.

“koshi?” he doesn't respond, but you know he's listening. “i’m…i’m sorry.” you want to continue, but wait for some kind of reaction. “that was mean of you,” he says plainly.

you frown. “i know, i'm sorry, i—” taking a breath, you step toward him. “i shouldn’t have lashed out at you. i’m sorry. i get angry when i’m stressed which is why i was trying to stay alone. i didn’t want to hurt you, and i did anyways when you were just trying to help.”

“and i’m not trying to make an excuse, i'm in the wrong. i know it’s a problem and i’m really, really trying to work on it, i promise. but i’m sorry i hurt you today. you didn't—you'd never deserve that."

you're met once again with silence, but don't let it bother you. you continue, "you don't have to accept my apology, of course, but i wanted you to know. and if you need time alone, i can go to the library for the day."

koshi turns off his phone (he hadn't even been scrolling while you spoke) and gets up slowly, finally looking at you. "thank you. i'm sorry, too, for what it's worth. and i accept your apology." he smiles genuinely this time, though it's small. "and i already know how you can make me feel better."

he looks at you with determination, and you're almost expecting him to ask for something embarrassing. but all he does is walk over and reach for you, pulling you into a gentle hug. "finally take a break with me?"

ATSUMU

whenever one of you is more busy than the other, it can be expected the busy person is atsumu. you face it with love—picking up on a couple of chores, messaging him throughout the day, getting his favourite foods for the evenings you have together.

so when it’s your turn to be busy, atsumu sees it as an opportunity to repay your love ten-fold.

and he manages it well for the most part! he does the laundry and cleans up around your desk. he even picks out some outfits for you to choose from tomorrow, writing a sticky note that says "i have good taste right?? don't forget the necklace!!!"

it’s when he’s faced with cooking one of your favourite meals—the one from your childhood he knows you haven’t had in ages—that he starts struggling. he texts his brother and opens a website on his phone, but at some point while he’s working on something else, the food on the stove starts to burn. enough to get the smoke alarm going—all right before you come home.

and coming home from a day full of inconveniences, shitty people, and stress, to a house that smells like smoke isn’t the welcome you expected or needed. your heartbeat quickens as you rush to the kitchen where you see your boyfriend frantically putting out a fire. “‘tsumu? what the hell?”

atsumu panics even more at your voice. and as he turns to face you, his arm hits his ingredients onto the floor. “fuck—hi, baby. sorry, i, uh—” “atsumu, jesus christ—”

working together, you both manage to take out the fire and turn off the alarm. the kitchen’s a wreck to witness at the end. all that’s left is standing in silence at the mess on the floor and counter.

you don’t know whether you want to cry or yell at the sight, completely overwhelmed by everything that’s been happening. “what were you doing?” you ask breathily. atsumu nervously laughs and hesitates, “i…uh, was trying to cook dinner for you.”

“well that really turned out well,” you say sarcastically. he winces both at your tone and the way your hands drag over your face. “why would you—are you—oh my god. seriously, atsumu, i can’t handle this right now.”

“i’m sorry, baby—” “we just put out a fire, atsumu!” your volume raises to a near-yell. “what if something happened and it spread, or you hurt yourself, or something worse? why weren’t you paying attention to the stove? and now we’ll have to clean this up and get new shit, and,” you stop to close your eyes and finally let yourself breathe. you mutter a curse and try to regain any semblance of composure.

but your eyes shoot open at the sound of a quiet sniffle beside you. there’s a beat of silence while you process it. you soften your voice to call him, “‘tsumu?”

atsumu sniffles again and blinks quickly, trying to force back the tears in his eyes. it doesn’t work, and your heart breaks when he pulls the sleeve of his sweater to wipe them away. “i just wanted to make your favourite to surprise you. i know you’ve been working hard lately, ‘nd i wanted to do what you always do for me and,” he laughs at himself self-deprecatingly, “i fucked up really bad this time, huh? i’m sorry. i’ll clean it all up. you should go rest.”

he moves quickly to start stacking up the bowls and utensils, but his movements feel heavy, and his hands seem to shake whenever he reaches for something near you. you stand and watch, and he says nothing.

“‘tsumu.” you reach for his hands to stop him, and he looks at you for the first time since you came in. “hey, i’m sorry. i’m sorry, i was being mean.”

your boyfriend pouts at you, lips wavering, but he continues to say nothing, and you’re prompted to continue. “i had a bad day and i took it out on you. i was just…i was stressed and worried. i shouldn’t have yelled the way i did. i really appreciate you trying to cook for me, and taking care of things while i’m out. i know it isn't easy. i’m so sorry, ‘tsum,” you apologize again.

atsumu gets his hands out of your grasp so he can wipe his face one more time. you give him a minute to he offers you a smile. “it’s okay. thank you for, uh, apologizing. and i’m sorry i almost set our kitchen on fire, i knew i shoulda kept ‘samu on the phone.” you snort and he laughs, the sound lifting your mood exponentially.

you open your arms out for a hug which atsumu accepts happily, the both of you holding the other tightly. “we can always try again later together. i’m sure with the both of us we can handle one dish,” you promise.

your fingers run through his hair and he relaxes, nodding in agreement. his breath is warm against the crook of your neck when he asks, “d’you think we could just order takeout tonight, then?”

🏷️| @devilgirlcrybabiey @lordbugs @smiithys @xfangirl-trashx @passionateuchiha @scaramouchesfootstool @fifteenshadesofpinkk @lotus-sukimono @chloee0x0 @kenmaslov3r @bakugosgrenade @semifilms @sakusasdirtyragdoll @dai-tsukki-desu @Thathoneybee3 @momoewn @aintgeluh @dazaisfavgf @simpforerenn @crystal-lilac @vhenis @omiigad @kur0-kawa @semispilledcoffee @ksyhmm @idontlikeyourjob @awkwardaardvarkforever @rory-cakes @prblmtic @dimslover @kuroaka @sunaslay @h0n3ysgh0st @lackey-laufeyson @bontensbabygirl @dira333 @the-b-u-n-n-y @Kamukayakmonyet @danyisapingu @isentsworld @lilithlunas @anime-ships-gay @todorokiskitten @kellesvt

[maxislvt]

Kill Me Romantically

Summary: Wanda had proven herself to be a compassionate lover. She had taken good care of you so far and the connection certainly had its perks. However, when you learned that your connection had yet to be complete, you're a little upset to say the least. Wanda didn't seem to be in a rush to finish it and you wanted revenge. However, you quickly learned that no matter how dirty you played, Wanda could always play dirtier

Warnings: Manipulation, blood sucking, aggressive behaviors, hallucinations (?), and multiple references towards vomiting. this is hurt/comfort but it is a darkfic so you're still pretty hurt.

A/N: You know how I said this was a dark fic but I kinda fumbled the bag on the dark part in the first chapter? Yea, the bag is secured on this part :)

Series Masterlist

Wanda was an odd lover. A sweet and gentle lover, but certainly an odd one. There was already a looming air of mystery to her from the vampirism alone, but there were a number of quirks and strange mannerisms that you had noticed in the few months the two of you had been together.

The first of many was the way she had connected the two of you. Wanda hadn’t gone into much detail about how being connected would work, but you were able to figure out some things on your own. There was the emotional connection you had expected. However, there were some very strange and extreme side effects as well. Wanda would be in your dreams very often, in some cases she had even forced you to dream. She could fill your head with anything she wanted. Rather than fill your head with dirty thoughts or steamy dreams, Wanda chose to remind you when to eat or force you to wake up at a decent time. You weren’t weirded out by these things — occasionally caught off guard by Wanda’s stern warnings, yes — but those were things you had expected from her. What had confused you the most was that you couldn’t do those things for Wanda. You were connected to her, but she was not connected to you.

Another one of Wanda’s many oddities was her need to dress and undress you. The first she had only done because the two of you were having sex. Wanda would demand you shower every time you visited her. She’d sit you down at the edge of your bed and take her precious time stripping you of your clothes. Then she’d sit you in the tub and bathe you. Wanda rarely ever got in with you. It was another unfair advantage for. She could look into your mind and spoil you exactly the way you wanted and she knew your body like the palm of her hand. Yet, she hadn’t even given you the pleasure of touching her bare chest. You were beyond baffled by those two things more than anything else. Being dressed and connected was an intimacy you'd never give up, but it was strange.

"You're frowning again, doll."

You snapped out of your thoughts and looked up at your lover. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

Wanda sighed and bent down in the space between your legs. She rested her head against the inside of your thigh. The quick flash of red in her eyes made it obvious she was in your head. "You're frustrated, tell me what's wrong." Though the connection made communication easier, you two had agreed to restrict how much it was used. If Wanda was ever in talking distance, she couldn’t just look into your head to make you feel better. Mainly because that would just upset you more, but also because the two of you valued being able to talk things out. “Come on, you’ve been out of it since you got here. Is someone bothering you?”

You were startled by how quickly Wanda had jumped to conclusions. “No, no! Everything is fine at home, I was just thinking about…y’know,” You paused and gestured awkwardly between you and Wanda. “Us, well, it. I mean — we’re doing great, but I really don’t know how it works.” You cringed at your own frantic speaking. You huffed and flopped back on the bed. “It’s just that you can do all this cool stuff for me, but I can’t even tell if you’re looking at me or through me!” When Wanda stood up to sit on the bed next to you, your body instinctively rolled over so you would be snuggled into her side once she laid down. “I feel like you’re doing all the work keeping this relationship together.”

Wanda frowned hearing your complaints. “Well, if it helps, we’re not fully connected just yet.” She couldn’t help but giggle at your shocked expression. Her hand reached out to caress the smooth skin of your tummy. You were still partially naked since she hadn’t been finished picking out your clothes for the day. “You let me in to yourself, but I haven’t let you in to me.” A lump formed in her throat at the mere thought. She gently squeezed your side in an attempt to calm herself. “I want you to get used to how it works before we go through with it completely.” There were a lot of ways to finish the connection. Most were too brutish and gorey for Wanda’s liking. Introducing you to the world of magic and monsters wasn’t something that interested her at the moment. “If you want to complete the connection that’s fine, but please just think about it first.”

“Are you scared?”

The question caught both of you off guard. You weren’t expecting to say it out loud and Wanda wasn’t expecting you to be so perspective. It left a heavy silence between the two of you.

Wanda opened her mouth a few times, but nothing ever came out. She had an answer. She was scared — terrified even — but she had no way of communicating why to you. Moments like this made her wish she had just done it right the first time. Maybe if she sank her teeth in your pretty little neck, this wouldn’t have been a problem. Then, everything would’ve been perfect. She wouldn’t be in physical pain every time you left and she could actually get things done when you were gone. “Honestly,” Wanda paused and swallowed a lump in her throat, “I’m horrified. I’m not entirely sure if I trust myself to behave after it’s done.” A small giggle escaped her lips. Her fears were beyond that, but she wouldn’t dare worry you with something so out of your control. She pressed a kiss against your forehead and smiled. “I’ll do some research on how to make it easy for you, but right now let's get you dressed.”

You wanted to argue that it was a serious conversation that couldn’t be pushed back, but you could never deny Wanda.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

It had been four weeks since you and Wanda had discussed finishing the connection process. You had long since decided that you wanted to do it, but it seemed Wanda wasn’t entirely on board. At first you assumed she was actually doing her research. Then, you convinced yourself that Wanda had simply forgotten and just needed a little reminder. Finally, you realized she was purposely avoiding the topic. If you texted her about it, she wouldn’t read it. If you called her about, she’d suddenly be too busy to talk. Talking about it face to face didn’t even work because then she’d flat out ignore you. You didn’t want to start an argument so early into the relationship, but you were starting to get frustrated. Why would she start something so important, tell you about it, and then flake out halfway? It wasn’t fair to you. Rather than be mature — because it clearly wasn’t working — you decided to be just as difficult.

You didn’t want to go too far, just teach Wanda a lesson. Your plan was simple. Just don’t communicate. Everything else would come naturally. Exams were around the corner and you wouldn’t have as much time to spend with Wanda. It wasn’t the worst you could do. If Wanda truly couldn’t handle it, she would probably just use the connection and figure out what was wrong. It was going to hurt you more than it would piss off Wanda, but it needed to be done. That’s what you tell yourself at least. You needed some time to focus on college. Though you were doing fine, your textbooks had been collecting dust since Wanda entered your life.

The first few days fly by pretty smoothly. It pained you to actively ignore Wanda, but you kept your ground. You got a few texts from Wanda, though she never said it, she was obviously waiting for the sign to stop by the gate and pick you up. It never came. When she started calling you, the conversations were kept short and rather flat. It took a whole week for her to start using the connection against you. She seemed more focused on your lack of self care. Wanda would encourage you to take a break or drink water, and you begrudgingly listened. However, you’d conveniently go deaf whenever she asked you to call her properly. When sweet words proved to be ineffective, she moved on to seducing you. Just when your brain had begun to understand an equation or the importance of some lame historical event, unexplained erotic thoughts would fill your head. Sometimes it would be vivid images of what she wanted to do to you. Other times it was the ghostly feeling of your lover’s hand slipping between your legs and having her way with you. Eventually, you had caved.

Just like the first time you’d met. You stood out in front of the gate waiting for your beloved neck romancer to reveal herself.

“I missed you.”

Your irritated facade crumbled before you could even use it. Wanda looked sickly. Vampires were usually pale creatures, but Wanda looked like paper. You swallowed the hurt in your throat and looked away from her. “I’ve…been busy.” You tried your hardest to keep tough. Despite that, your legs carried you closer to the gate. Even with all the anger settled in your soul, you let Wanda hold your hand in between the bars of the gate. You couldn’t help but shudder as the ice cold fingers grazed over your knuckles. “You made me really upset.” Even when Wanda let out the most pathetic whine you’d ever heard, you refused to look at her.

Even in her weakened state, your apparent coldness caused an anger to boil up inside her. “Don’t be like that, doll, you know I need you,” She whispered softly to cover up her frustration. Wanda was angry. She partly blamed herself for not handling you when your poor behavior could have been labeled as mere brattiness, but now you really started to push her buttons. “Look at me, you made me this way. I can’t be without you for too long, it makes me sick.” She chewed on her bottom lip to suppress a smile — she could feel you loosening up. “Just spend a few days with me. I promise we’ll finish it once I feel better.” When you finally looked at her, she flashed you a weak smile. “You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. Something felt off. It wasn’t just the way Wanda spoke to you, but the way she held you. Wanda had inhuman strength, all vampires did, but she never failed to be gentle with you. That gentleness was nowhere to be found at that moment. It felt like Wanda would snap your arm in half if you had simply moved too fast. “I-I don’t know Wanda, I got a lot of work to do.” Your heart nearly stopped. For the slightest second, you felt Wanda’s grip on your arm tighten to an uncomfortable. “I wanna finish the connection, but I just need to get a few things done.” It was a lie, well, your best attempt at one. You couldn’t lie to Wanda. Not only did it not feel right, you literally couldn’t. You could feel Wanda invading your head.

Wanda clenched her jaw. To say she was disappointed was an understatement. She looked into your eyes expectantly, waiting for you to apologize for the lie and tell her the truth yourself. Of course, you don’t and her sick little facade fell almost immediately. She yanked your arm forward, forcing your face flush against the bars of the gate separating you two. “You’re a really bad lair, doll,” She all but growled at you, her accent heavily distorted her words. Her eyes zeroed in on your bare wrist. There were a hundred ways to finish the connection. Biting you was easily the most painful of them all. She never wanted to hurt you, but you had hurt her way more. “Do you want this connection that bad? I’ll give it to you.”

Before you could even process what Wanda had even meant, she bit directly into your wrist. The skin took what felt like hours to finally break and you could feel her fangs dig into unprotected muscle.

You frantically pulled at your arm, hoping the movement was enough to free yourself. Yet, it seemed no matter how many times you banged Wanda’s head against the steel bars, her teeth didn’t budge. “Wanda, please, I’m sorry! Just stop,” You pleaded and continued your attempts to break free. You feel the blood being physically sucked from your veins. The strength to keep pulling and screaming quickly disappeared. Eventually, your knees buckled under your own weight and the only thing keeping you up was Wanda’s grip. “I’m sorry,” You sobbed out. Nausea took over your body and you felt lightheaded.

After what felt like an eternity, Wanda had finally let go. With your blood still covering her chin, she forced you to look up at her. “This was your choice, doll, know you have to live with it.” She leaned down to kiss the gaping wound her bite had left behind. It healed just as fast as she made it. She continued to pepper kisses up and down your forearm as if it would make you magically forget the horrific pain she just inflicted on you. “I never wanna hurt you like that again, but you left me no choice. You know I love you.” It was shocking to you how she could say something so sweet moments after hurting you.

It hurt. It stung like a million needles forcing their way under your skin and straight to your heart. The mind numbing pain at your wrist was nothing compared to how much your heart had been ripped out your chest and spat on. You'd given this woman everything. Your love, your trust, your virginity. Yet, it wasn't enough to stop her from hurting you. The worst part of it all was that you couldn't help but feel like it was your own fault.

"I know you might be upset and don't wanna leave just yet, but you need to rest up. I don't want you to sleep outside in the cold."

You sniffled, but leaned into the now warm hand that slipped through the gate. "'m sorry," You mumbled weakly. You let Wanda's thumb caress your cheek. The nausea and pain still overwhelmed your body, but you were suddenly eager to make Wanda happy again. "I won't be mean anymore…"

Wanda smiled and kissed your wrist one last time before letting you go to stand on your own. "I know you won't."

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

After finishing the connection, Wanda didn’t contact you for quite some time. You didn’t bother lying to yourself this time. Wanda was ignoring you the same way you had ignored her. That was your punishment. You were thrown to the wolves and left to figure out the connection on your own. The vomiting, the lack of energy, and the unshakable feeling of being alone no matter how many people you were around. Any autonomy you had before was gone. Now, you were a piece of a puzzle and would forever be incomplete if Wanda didn’t come back. You were her doll. What good was a doll without someone to play with it?

You had barely made it through your exams and suddenly your parents were talking about going off on a vacation. They hadn’t been oblivious to your sudden sickness and insisted that you come with them. Even if it was a work trip for them and you were too sick to enjoy the nice weather, they couldn’t stand the thought of leaving you alone while you were clearly unwell. Keeping everything from your parents was easily the worst part of everything. They were so happy to see you actually enter a relationship, even if you had kept it secret. Now, they were forced to stand by as you let that same person absolutely wreck your emotional stability. When you lied to your parents, it hurt like nothing else. You didn’t keep secrets from your parents. They loved you and you loved them. If loving them meant keeping them out of the loop, then that’s what you would do. It took a lot to convince your parents to go on without you, but you managed.

You almost immediately regretted it. The second your parents left, you were overcome with dread and more sickness. By then, you had come to terms with how exactly your sickness worked. You learned to stop whenever your vision began to spot and black out. Ignore the way the lights flickered and swung around because no one but you could see it. Don’t get too caught up in the ghostly touches because they’ll disappear the second you start to enjoy them. The nausea only stopped when you started to cough up blood. Most importantly, you ignored the warmth that loomed over you. It was just an illusion. No matter how many times it held your hair back or soothed your aching back — it would disappear the second you turned your head. The only thing that brought you any sort of comfort was the faux leather jacket Wanda let you borrow after the first time you spent the night at her house. It didn’t smell like her anymore and you couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or not.

You found yourself hopelessly laid out on your bathroom floor. You had lost track of the amount of times you’d thrown up, but it felt less painful than normal. You glanced up at the flickering light bulbs before resting your head against the rim of the toilet seat. It would’ve taken too much energy to get up and go find food. You weren’t even sure you would be able to keep anything down. For a moment, you even considered just falling asleep on the toilet. At least the cold, unforgiving bathroom tile would ease the burning pain while you slept. For a moment, you felt nothing — and it was the best you had felt in weeks. Then the ghostly sensations returned and you were reminded of just how hellish your existence was.

“Look at me, doll. I’m right here.”

You shuddered at the nickname, but didn't respond. The arms that wrapped around your waist and pulled you back were so warm and protective, you almost thought they were real. The grip on your waist tightened, forcing your attention. “You’re not real, you’ll disappear the second I turn around.” You wiggled closer to the toilet, only to be pulled back against the warmth behind you. It knocked the wind out of you, but you were too weak to fight back.”Please just leave me. You won’t be there if I turn around.”

Wanda let out a disapproving huff. Part of her had expected you to just crumble up and fall into her arms, but this was only a minor setback. “Come on, you’re too sick to stay by yourself. Just come back home with me.” Her voice was soft and sweet, a direct contrast to the strength she made known. She was not above forcing you to go with her, but she still wanted to play hero. She waited a considerably long time for you to answer, but she never got one. Wanda sighed a second time and forced your body to rotate so you were facing her.Wanda had never seen you look so weak before. You were alway so confident and outgoing, but now you just looked broken. She loved it. She rested her forehead against yours and cupped your face. “Look, I know I haven’t been the nicest as of late, but you hurt me.” Her hands slid down your face and all the way to your hands. “We both hurt each other and now we have to fix each other. Isn’t that fair?”

You were so caught up in the fact that Wanda wanted you back, you don’t think about much else. You didn’t consider how the way she hurt you was infinitely worse than how you hurt her. You didn’t think about how crazy it was that you were so trusting of a woman who had attacked you only a few weeks ago. You nodded frantically before wrapping your arms around Wanda’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, I was just really mad at you! I- I didn’t know you’d get sick,” Your words flew out your mouth too fast for anyone to understand. The second you inhaled Wanda’s scent, all your problems seemed to fade away. The urge to puke your guts out had magically disappeared and the migraine you had from being so dehydrated was gone. “I love you so much, I won’t ever leave you again.”

Wanda pulled you into her lap and stood up. “I love you too, doll.” As much as she wanted to take you to her house, you were too weak. She carried you to your bedroom and laid you down. “Let’s get you cleaned up first.” She bent down and immediately began to unzip your pants. It hurt to think about how much pain you would’ve had to be in to forget to change into some proper house clothes. That wasn’t to say she regretted her choice, you deserved to be punished for acting out. “You have to trust me more,” She said casually. Once she had pulled off your jeans, she reached for your arm. “I knew if I did it that way it would hurt. I wasn’t avoiding it, I just didn’t want it to hurt.” It made her heart swell when you started to sniffle. You were easily the cutest thing she’d ever laid eyes on. She leaned up and kissed your cheek. “Awe doll, don’t cry, you were too needy to think it through. That’s not your fault.” Wanda pulled your head to her chest and softly stroked your hair.

After your tears dried and your breathing evened out, Wanda let go of you. “Can you spend the night, please? I don’t wanna be alone,” You whispered as you gripped onto Wanda’s sleeve. The fear that you would wake up and Wanda would disappear was very real to you. It wasn’t even about the hellish sickness, you missed. “I’ll even cook dinner, just don’t leave me…” Your big doe eyes were heavily contrasted by the heavy eye bags under them, your hair was a tossiled mess, and your cheeks were stained with tear streaks. You hated looking like that. Wanda spent hours making you the best you could be. You missed that. “I’m your doll, forever.” Your cheeks burned at such a confession, but it felt right. No one else but Wanda could fix you.

Wanda smiled down at you. “I promise I’ll always take good care of you.” She pressed her lips against your cheek before squeezing them tightly. “You mean the world to me, never forget that.” She moved her hands down to unbutton your shirt. She was more than a little unhappy to see the tight fabric wrapped around your chest, but she decided to hold her tongue at that moment. “You’re really hopeless without me,” She whispered to herself. Her eyebrows raised in shock when you nodded in agreement. Normally, you sputter out a half baked attempt at a disagreement and list off all the “grown up things” you had managed to do the days prior. It was but a small taste of how obedient you could be, but Wanda was already addicted to it. Her brain had already kicked into overdrive thinking about how she could possibly go further.

“Is something wrong?"

Wanda looked down at you. She had somehow managed to strip you without fully paying attention. Her eyes raked over your bare body several times. For a moment, she considered taking you right then and there. However, her self control had won that battle. “Right, shower. Then, I’ll cook something for you.” She squeezed your thigh two times, signaling for you to stand up.

You pouted at the thought of her cooking for you in your own house, but you decided to let it go. You were just Wanda’s little doll, all you had to do was sit around and look nice.