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nanodayoloswag · 6 years ago

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Detective Akechu

It’s words. Several of them, strung together. Y’know. Like a parody fic that absolutely did not need to exist but weird shit happens when you don’t sleep for days so here we are. Read on if you dare or whatever.

“Hey! Hey, wake up, please? Are you alright? You’ve both been passed out for a very long time now. I’m not sure exactly how much help I can be in this form. I feel as though what I could do would be very counteractive to what actually needs to be done. Though in this world is that particularly dangerous? Then again, in our own world, where people tend to heal absurdly fast, something like that isn’t particularly dangerous at all, right?

“Surely then, in this world, where creatures such as this exist, then it’s the norm to be jolted like this every now and again, right? Otherwise this creature wouldn’t be half as popular as it is, would it? Well, maybe among certain groups. But generally the face of the brand such as this has much less malicious intentions, right? Of course, there is an argument to be made for Madoka’s mascot character, but that character also wasn’t acting out of malice, really. It’s just that people perceive it as malice.

“Attempting to save the universe from entropy really is a noble endeavor, though I suppose the real cause for argument is how unethical the tradeoff seems. Alien creatures don’t need to adhere to any human code of ethics though, right? It doesn’t really make them wrong not to abide by that, does it? No, of course not.

“But am I taking the aliens’ side too easily you ask? What about the humans who were tricked into the contract? Withholding information isn’t exactly a trick or deception. It isn’t an honest tactic for sure, but why would anyone accept the deal the incubators needed for them to strike if they knew the consequences from the start? Something like that is what you’d call ‘a necessary evil’ right?

“You can’t answer that of course, still knocked out cold it seems. Perhaps I should find someone. Or, perhaps I really should employ that particular method? It is entirely possible that convenience in situations such as this could be a reason that I was -

“Oh! Are you finally coming to now? Great. I was just thinking that maybe I should sh - GyAHk”

“SHADDAP.” A fist collided hard with the back of the blabbering creature’s fuzzy head, shoving it down into the dirt as Aiura Mikoto groggily picked herself up off the ground. “Ugh, what the shit.” She blinked several times, and glanced around at her surroundings. Whaaa-HuH??? This. Certainly wasn’t where she lived. Or anything close to it, actually. Was this still even around Hidariwakibara? She was out in the woods somewhere.

And. The hell was that guy doing here?

Lying face-down in front of her was Toritsuka Reita.

Why in all fuck was she out in the forest with Toritsuka?

Just what the hell did that imply?

Well she’d be damned if she wasn’t about to find out. She grabbed his unconscious form by the shirt and yanked him off the ground.

“Hey, get your ass up and tell me what’s going on here!”

“I can tell you that!” Something else popped up from the ground. It was a familiar little fuzzy shape. Yellow-ish with tiny bead eyes and round red cheeks. Plus that iconic tail shape. There were several reactions a person could have to seeing something like this. Mikoto, thoroughly startled by it, responded by screeching and kicking it away from her as fast as possible. It slammed into a nearby tree, and fell back against the trunk, dazed. What that thing was didn’t click to Aiura for another few moments.

H-HuuuHHHH??? Her face perfectly matched that sentiment. She let Toritsuka go and stared at the large rat she’d kicked for a few moments, making sure she was absolutely certain before slowly coming forward and making the call. “Holy shit is that a fucking Pikachu?” She was incredulous. What in the heck. No way. This was like, a toy or something, right?

The toy sure was moving in a lot less robotic way than she would have expected as it tried to recompose itself. It was quietly mumbling as it did so, words a bit slurred here and there. “That chsertainly is unpleasant. It isn’t as though this medium has ever implied that these scenarios were parchitcularly pleasant but the battles against each other at the least arree shppposed to be exhilerating at least, yes? I guess that’s not fully connected. There’s still got to be physical pain involved, it’s jusht that -”

It sure did talk a lot too for a toy. Didn’t Aiura know that voice?

“Hey. You’re like, for reals alive, yea? Ya ain’t a toy?” Might as well just cut to the fastest way to clear this up.

The fuzzy little thing looked straight up at her face. “Yes, I’m alive, to my knowledge. I can’t say that I know much about how ‘life’ itself works in this world. We can easily assume it works the same as ours, considering what’s presented in the materials for it, however one can also easily make the argument that this is simply an altered state with life itself being tethered to original bodies and worlds and so on and so forth. For example, my form may have shifted to become that you see before you right now, or, my spirit could have traveled here and possessed this being. There are several more possibilities and as I just woke up this way I can’t say that one or the other is for sure the truth of the matter here. But it is very possible that if my spirit is here and my original body is left behind somewhere, that that version of me is ‘dead’ at this moment if it can no longer function without the spirit.”

Woah, it recovered fast all of a sudden. Aiura had no idea what exactly he was on about with spirits here but at least something was clear now.

“You’re that one guy. Kusuo’s friend.”

“I assumed that I was being clear enough but yes. I am Akechi Touma! Although at this moment we could also say that -”

“NO, quiet for a moment. I need to understand this.” Okay. Alrighty. Sure. She had just woken up in the middle of the forest. Toritsuka was there. Akechi was there. And for some reason, he was a Pikachu. Right. Yeah. Okay. That was happening right now.

How the heck was that happening right now? Was this a dream? Was she asleep? No way in hell she’d be dreaming about Toritsuka being there with her. Actually, she needed to get back to waking him up. It’d be easier to understand an explanation from him than Chatterchu over there. She had just bent down to grab the spirit medium up and start shaking him when someone who just could not follow directions called her attention again.

“Ah! Right! Him! He was here with you when I first woke up. I was around the both of you as well so I assume that whatever happened must have involved all of us together. I have no recollection of events prior to ending up here like this either, or what has caused my sudden transformation. However if you need an assist in waking him I did several experiments before attempting to wake either of you. As this is my body now it seemed imperative that I-”

“GET TO THE POINT! Geez, some of us are tryin’ to figure out what the fuck is happening yanno?”

“Ah, yes, right, the point. Well I’ll be brief then and test my theory on this. After some trial and error with this body I discovered that shockingly easily I am able to –“ He cut himself off for once as a bolt of electricity burst forth from his body and struck Toritsuka.

The target crackled and sputtered from the shock, his body twitching violently. Akechi’s plan worked well enough to jolt Toritsuka awake though. Once he stopped his attack the medium hopped up, screaming, and also stumbling a bit as his body was still shaking.

“I WAS ONLY LOOKING I DIDNT TOUCH ANYONE!”

A little smile crept onto Aiura’s face. Toritsuka seemed like he’d be fine, but that was. Well. She hadn’t expected it, at the least. “Hey that’s super handy. We should consider keepin’ you this way.” Down the line Toritsuka could probably use a few more good jolts like that.

It took a good minute for Toritsuka to realize that he was awake and in the middle of a forest instead of off in some foreign nightmare prison being tazed for things he probably should not admit to here. He wasn’t as confused by the situation as Aiura had been once he got his bearings. He simply mumbled out, “Must’ve been sleep walking.” His temple was around a forested area, so he just had to figure the way back.

Akechi was fascinated by the fact that Toritsuka didn’t seem to particularly be injured once he’d fully woken up. The physics of what he’d just done worked just as he had figured that they would in this world. He would have launched into a whole spiel on that, excited to share his discovery, if Toritsuka hadn’t taken notice of them finally first.

“Hah? Boob girl? What are you doing here?”

The first thing Aiura did in response to that was slap him as hard as she possibly could. The force sent him reeling backward.

Toritsuka grabbed his poor, very red, stinging face. “HEY WHAT THE HECK?!!”

Aiura was having none of his games. “Obviously you kidnapped me out here in my sleep or something!” She had ignored Akechi’s implication that something must have happened to all of them. This was Toritsuka’s fault. There’s no way anyone would willingly wake up next to that guy. There’s no way she would’ve willingly gone into some situation with that guy that would cause this. Well, unless Kusuo asked, maybe. But if he had, she didn’t remember it, so that didn’t matter at the moment.

“I DIDN’T DO THAT! I’M NOT THAT KIND OF PERVERT!”

Her hard stare said she didn’t believe him. She was about to voice that but stopped, startled as something fuzzy had leapt up onto her shoulder to be more at eye-level with Toritsuka.

“I’m here as well!” Akechi chimed. That sent Toritsuka reeling back for an entirely different reason.

“Wh-HUUH??!! That’s a Pikachu! Isn’t it?!!”

“Yes. Indeed, it seems I have become a popular mascot character in this world. However, that is not our issue at current. Well, I suppose it is still my issue, as I’m not quite certain how it may have happened, and I would like to return to my original form, if possible. Although I do have several theories on the matter. Again, though, that is not the topic of discussion right now. At present the issue is how all of us have awoken together in this place. I feel it’s wrong to place unnecessary blame without having all the facts. We can’t confirm or deny that one person dragged the other out here. And the three of us don’t particularly spend as much time together as we do apart, so unless there were other circumstances, one of which I think is a major factor in this, then -”

“Woah, okay, shut up! You’re just like that one guy!”

“He is that one guy.”

“He-WHA?”

“Right! I already said this while you were asleep, but I do happen to be Akechi Touma!”

Toritsuka stared at the Pikachu for a long moment. A very, very long moment, before voicing what was on his mind about it. “Saiki-san really is terrifying, huh.”

“Kusuo?” Aiura questioned, not quite following.

The look Toritsuka shot her said that this should have been obvious. “Well, duh! What else could do this?! You’ve seen what he can do to people just by looking at them!”

“Well, yeah...” Of course she had to concede to that, but. Why would Kusuo do something like this? He wasn’t the type to just mess with people on a random whim.

Akechi didn’t look so sure about Toritsuka’s deduction either. “Though I also feel as if Kusuo-kun may have had something to do with this situation, perhaps we can’t place the entirety of the blame on him just yet? Considering where we are, there could be several other factors at work here. This particular group is proof that our world has it’s share of unnatural phenomena, but I feel that in this one such things are far more common.”

People didn’t often -no, they would never- ask Akechi to elaborate, but the way those two were looking at him said that they weren’t quite understanding. “The two of you still haven’t realized, I see. Take a good look around us. Particularly, at the fauna. Do they look like creatures that existed in our own world naturally?”

Fauna was animals and junk, right? Aiura walked around, glancing here and there with Akechi still riding on her shoulder. That was a little annoying, but it really was easier if they didn’t have to look down at him. She wasn’t really seeing anything though. There were some birds in the distance, but they were too far off for her to tell what they actually were.

It wasn’t too long before Akechi poked her face to get her attention. He pointed to what had his own attention currently. A little farther off from where they were, in between the trees, things were gathering. Big things. They were brown, bug-like, kind of reminiscent of an upright stag beetle with those large spiked horns, and stood about as tall as a person. More and more were gathering to watch them. It was kind of creepy.

“Perhaps,” Akechi whispered. “It would be in our best interest to head to another area. Their demeanor and movements suggest agitation, so perhaps we’ve intruded on their territory. It would better if-”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Didn’t need to tell Miko-chan twice. She also agreed that booking it outta there would be best. They just had to get Toritsuka, and-

Oh no.

What the fuck was he doing?!

They turned to find Toritsuka nearly face to face with one of those bugs. How the heck had that happened? Did one just decide that it couldn’t stand his face and decide to go at him first? Well, considering that guy, it’s probably what happened. It didn’t seem like he had a plan here though. He looked scared as shit as he backed away and the thing kept advancing on him. If he kept that up he was just going to get pinned against a tree. Damn it. They had to do something to get him out of that, but what? If Aiura did something to call attention to herself that thing would be on her. Not to mention all of those other ones that were probably also getting ready to make some attack against them.

Akechi decided this was a matter he should take into his hands. Logically he could do the most here, right? He hopped off of Aiura and ran towards the bug. She called after for him to stop, but this should be fine. These creatures were made for this sort of thing. And despite his earlier experience with impact pain, surely when it came to battling these bodies were much more durable. They had to be, otherwise this sport never would have gotten as far as it did. Or, as far as he assumed it did, anyway. At present he had no reason to believe that such wasn’t the case for this world.

He shocked the bug as he had Toritsuka before. It didn’t seem to enjoy the experience, but as Akechi also figured, one hit wasn’t enough to put it down. And now it was angry with him. Forgetting Toritsuka, it charged the Pikachu, bending to gouge it’s target with it’s horns. That was, admittedly, kind of terrifying, as Akechi was quite a bit smaller than the bug. So when Akechi unleashed yet another bust of electricity to counter, it actually was not the only thing he unleashed. That was much less embarrassing as a mouse out on the ground where it wasn’t as noticeable and socially unacceptable. Although when it came to various creatures that were territorial, what he’d just done was probably very bad if these particular creatures noticed and got it in their heads that this was some sort of marking behavior.

Through his counter-shock he was still grabbed by the larger monster anyway, and it clamped him with it’s pincer-like horns until the pain became too much and Akechi was forced to cut off his own attack. Perhaps he should have moved before making the decision to attack again, but sometimes fear beats out reasoning and he did not. How was he going to get out of this? The spikes on it’s horns were piercing his body slightly, and the more it clamped the deeper they went. Perhaps the others could lend an assist now that he had it’s attention? But where had they gone? Had they abandoned him here?

No, he was able to see Toritsuka at least. He had moved from where he was before, but now he was just watching the situation. Akechi thought he seemed unnaturally still. He tried to call out to him, as he most certainly did not look alright, but all the managed was a little squeak as the other clamped him tighter. It was saying something.

Akechi realized then that he could understand it.

Right, of course he would be able to understand it. In this world, these creatures understood each other. What a terrible oversight. That wasn’t like him. He probably could have tried resolving this through conversation, yet, he had just done what had seemed natural. Was that folly truly a simple misstep, or was it due to now being more driven by instinct than rationality?

Either way, perhaps he wouldn’t be in a situation where he was being crushed to death, had he reacted differently. But, ah, what was that thing saying? It was repeating something over and over again.

How strange. Somewhat alarming, Akechi supposed. But what did it really mean? He pondered it as he started to lose consciousness. It was probably the last thing he’d ponder. Surely this creature would manage to completely stab through him soon enough.

Well, that might be true, if something hadn’t knocked Akechi out of it’s grip first.

He bounced along the ground, rolling to a stop near the still unmoving Toritsuka.

“Shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT”

Aiura, who had bashed the monster across the back of it’s head with the largest fallen tree branch she could find and carry, was now rushing towards the two of them. The bug was straggling after her, with more coming out of the trees to avenge their injured comrade that hadn’t managed to take the group down solo yet. She scooped up Akechi in one arm and with the other grabbed Toritsuka’s arm and attempted to drag him off with her. Bugs were emerging from all sides now and quickly coming up on them. It was time to bolt the heck out of this forest.

Toritsuka wasn’t budging. This was not the time to be fucking around. Aiura pulled at him harder. “Come on, we have to -”

Slowly, he turned his head towards her and her mouth snapped shut on those words. She had no idea what to think about that.

Toritsuka’s eyes were glowing orange. Seemingly satisfied with Aiura’s reaction, he looked away from her and screamed. It was jarring, an eerie sound akin to a cross between a human cry and the warning growl of some large animal. Then he ran forward, opened his mouth, and shot fire from it at the horde of bugs that had come for them. The bugs started, attempting to stop and turn before they got burned with several failing to succeed. Toritsuka screamed again. The group seemed to take the hint.

Once it seemed as though their attackers had retreated a good distance, Toritsuka’s eyes faded back to normal and he relaxed, breathing out an exasperated sigh before turning back to Aiura. She was staring at him, agape and completely dumbfounded. He ignored that.

“This is the forest near my house! Come on! It should be safer there!” He started onward but Aiura was not about to let this go without saying anything.

“Woah, woah, wait. Just what was that? Did you get some kind of bullshit spirit flame power that you’ve been keeping secret until now?”

Toritsuka shrugged. “I wish. Something possessed me, right after you went looking around.” He tried to sound nonchalant. Ghosts were his thing and he wanted to seem like he had a handle on this stuff. But it was clear he was a little uneasy about the event himself. Usually he was the one to incite possession. Spirits didn’t just force their way into his body. They were usually even polite enough to ask first. “It told me we should ‘wait for the right moment’ and then that happened.”

“Ghosts can give you superpowers now?”

“It wasn’t a normal ghost. It was like. Well, I guess these really are other Pokemon, huh?”

“Apparently.” They couldn’t deny it based on those encounters. Akechi was right. This was some alternate dimension. But that still left more questions than things answered.

“It’s good that you’re accepting our surroundings now,” Akechi voiced. “However if it’s not too much trouble, may I request that we find some medical assistance for me? I feel as though I might have some pressing internal injuries.” And then he promptly fainted.

Oh shit. Aiura hadn’t even paid attention to Akechi’s injuries. Her only goal had been to grab him and go. But now that she got a better look at the mouse she was clutching close in her arm, daaaaaaamn. Those were some concerningly deep bloody gashes. Wasn’t that a little too macabre for a world like this? The look on Toritsuka’s face said he thought about the same.

“What should we do about this?”

“Why are you asking me?!”

“You’re a priest, aren’t you?”

“That’s not the same as a doctor!”

“Well we can’t just walk him into the hospital!”

“Wait... can’t we?”

“Huh.”

“We’re in this kind of a world, right?” Toritsuka was pretty pleased with himself for realizing the obvious a few seconds before Aiura could. “They have hospitals for Pokemon. They should be all over the place!”

Come to think of it, yeah, that was right. It had been a hot minute since Aiura had played Pokemon, and she was pretty sure all Toritsuka probably bothered to play were eroges and online mmorpgs where he could harass girls, but. That was pretty basic knowledge for anyone that’s ever picked up Pokemon once or at least had some other experience with it. “Guess I gotta bother finding it then, huh?” Divining was more of a pain without her crystal ball, but whatever. She just needed some space.

Toritsuka thought for a moment. “Well, the temple shouldn’t be too far from here. We can still stop by there first and see if there’s anything that can help some!”

That was another thing.

“How are you so sure about that? If we’re in another dimension why would your temple exist here?”

“The ghosts told me!”

Of course they did. So currently, dead people were their authority on this place. Somehow that didn’t seem to bode well. At least they knew where something was though. “I guess that’s worth a shot. Wait, give me a sec.” It would be better to know for sure before making any unnecessary stops. She shoved Akechi into Toritsuka’s arms. He flinched back, face revealing his disgust at having to hold the bloodied mouse.

Aiura ignored him as she dropped to the ground and started rapidly tearing out blades of grass and collecting them in her hands. Once she had almost too much to hold she stood up, turned, and blew it all into Toritsuka’s face. “Yeah, it looks like you’ve got some Pokemon medicine there.”

“Was that really necessary.” The grass-covered Toritsuka grumbled.

“Soz.” Aiura smiled as she took Akechi back and brushed stray grass from his fur. “No other way. Let’s go.”

Toritsuka didn’t believe that for one minute, but it’s not like it mattered anymore.

Once they arrived at the temple, Toritsuka left Aiura and Akechi in his room while he went to find that medicine. She had told him exactly where to find it, but that didn’t seem right. She had said it was stored in one of the Buddha statues, specifically, the one he often hid his porn mags in. Haha, the other monks totally would have kicked him out if they found that stash. No way they were keeping medicine in there. Besides, there were more practical places to keep it.

That wasn’t the only odd thing, he supposed. If this place existed in this world, and so did his room, then shouldn’t there be another him walking around somewhere? Another of all of them? It was probably more important to figure out just how they got here and how to get home, but. What was the alternate Reita like? Was he popular? Did he have a girlfriend? Was he possibly off on a date right now? What were his secrets?

Well, he at least happened upon a familiar secret once he got into that statue. This Reita, too, hid his porn in there. Although among that were several other things. There were some snacks, several small spray bottles with different labels, which Toritsuka assumed had to be the medicine, a few colored discs, what appeared to be a pile of berries to one side, a few electronic devices, and two familiar-looking red and white balls which may or may not contain more Pokemon.

Woah. To hide this much stuff, the monks really had to be cracking down here, huh. He grabbed several of the medicine bottles, then hesitated a moment before also taking the spheres. It was fine to borrow these, right? It’s not stealing or anything if you’re taking something from yourself. Alternate Reita should understand, right?

If they had to be here a while, most likely they were going to run into more situations where Pokemon attacked them. And Toritsuka would feel a lot better if they had more backup on their side for that. He didn’t want to have to rely on ghosts to help them there again. Sure he could probably count letting Pokemon, who apparently could still will the elements when in a body, possess him as a cool new power. It gave him new bragging rights. He had access to so many elemental abilities now that he felt like even Saiki, the superpower monster, might get jealous!

But he hated how unsettling that was. The ghost didn’t have any ill intentions that he could discern, it just wanted to help them out of a tight spot and took control of the situation to do it - completely without Reita’s permission. He didn’t like that. He really didn’t like that. He’d almost lost himself before when ghosts started taking over him on their own accord. He was not about to let that happen again.

Ghosts were usually nice, but that was aggressively nice. Maybe if they noticed that he had other means of handling things, they’d leave him to it.

When he re-entered his room, Toritsuka found Aiura against the back wall, facing his direction as she did a handstand. Akechi, blood covered Akechi, had been laid on his bed. But that was fine. This was Alternate Reita’s bed.

“Oi, ya get the meds?”

He held up the potions he’d found, gaze questioning what she was doing at the same time.

She stayed in place as she answered. “I’m looking for Kusuo.”

“Ours or one from here?”

“Doesn’t matter. Either would probably help us find some answers...but.” Her own expression was knitted with concern. “Something’s wrong.”

“What do you mean wrong?” He came to sit on the bed beside Akechi.

After a couple of seconds of silence she gave a frustrated sigh and fell onto her side. “Uuuugh. There’s at least one here, I just can’t tell where he is. It’s like...something’s blocking me. It’s pissing me off.”

“Maybe Saiki-san doesn’t want to be found?” Toritsuka offered.

Could he really hide himself from Aiura’s divination powers? Just what kind of power would allow him to do that? That thought pissed her off too. He’d never hidden himself from her before. In fact, until they bumped into each other in the wild, he usually wasn’t aware beforehand that she was even going to use her powers to find him. No, this had to be something else, right? It had to be.

Then again, he was always hiding from people. Of course he’d jump at the chance to stop her from scrying him out if he knew he could. “Uuuggh this is mega annoying. Whatever. Let’s try to fix whatshisface up now before he dies or whatever.” She grabbed one of the potions out of Toritsuka’s arms and tried to figure out where to press on the odd little square-shaped bottle to spray it.

Toritsuka found the trigger on one that he was looking over first, jolting back with a startled yelp as he accidentally sprayed the contents into his eyes.

“Oh man, good job,” Aiura laughed. Then, ignoring Toritsuka’s agony, she went ahead and sprayed the medicine on all of Akechi’s wounds. This was how they were supposed to do it, right? Hopefully that was fine. Whatever this stuff was might keep him stable at least until they got him to the hospital - which she had also gone ahead and divined before trying to search out Kusuo.

“HELP ME NOW!” Toritsuka cried once it seemed like Aiura had stopped spraying. He couldn’t see and damn his eyes burned like hell.

Aiura just looked at him. “Help you with what?”

“WOMAN YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT!”

She sighed. What a pain in the ass.

“Fine, fine. We’ll go find some water.” She took his hand and yanked him up from the bed. “Try anything while walking behind me and I’ll make sure those eyes never work again, got it?” She didn’t wait for his answer before pulling him along out the door. He had better understand her clearly, and that was that.

When they returned to the room after flushing out Toritsuka’s eyes, they found Akechi awake and standing on the bed waiting for them. His wounds seemed to have completely disappeared. “Hello!” He bowed. “Thank you very much for the assistance! Well, for the moment anyway I’m assuming that is how I’ve recovered so quickly! As I woke up in a place with which I’m unfamiliar I must have lost consciousness at some point, and seeing these bottles of what is presumably the medicine leads me to think that the two of you must have applied it to my injuries. It looks to have worked remarkably well. I’m not in the slightest bit of pain anymore. Injuries don’t persist very long in our own world to begin with but this is astounding, isn’t it?”

The psychics had to admit that they were amazed too. The only way they’d ever seen someone heal so fast was if Saiki used his restoration power on them. Pokemon medicine sure was something, and it saved them a trip to that hospital.

Toritsuka flopped down onto the bed next to Akechi, sure to avoid those blood stains that persisted. “So what now? How do we fix this if we have no idea how to find Saiki-san?”

“We search for him.” Akechi proposed. He looked to Aiura, who had taken to standing in the middle of the room for the moment. “It’s my guess that you were unable to locate him with your clairvoyant powers, yes? If that weren’t the case, then finding Kusuo-kun would be no problem to us. Since we are unaware of the circumstances surrounding both his involvement in this and where he might be, he could very well be anywhere in the world. This could turn into a scenario where we end up searching for a needle in a haystack. But that’s only one possibility. It also is not the most optimistic one.

“Rather, what we should do is to start with what we can. This world appears to be a more direct alternate to our own. Places familiar to us exist here. That stands to reason that other people familiar to us should exist here as well, correct? This gives us our first lead in finding Kusuo-kun. We should start with that. And were we to start there, where would the most logical place to visit first be?”

“His house!” Aiura and Toritsuka chorused excitedly. Akechi was right, they weren’t as in the dark as they thought.

“Correct!” They were a bit slow on the uptake of things, Akechi had noticed, but it was good that they were all on the same page at the moment. He had to admit though, that despite their unfortunate situation, he was a bit excited as well for a different reason. Solving mysteries was where his true deductive nature shined. It wasn’t something that people really appreciated much before due to his tendency to talk on and on, but nor were their mysteries as important as this one. Here, he could show off his skills! “Now then!” He jumped up and plucked a hat off the wall that had been hanging above Toritsuka’s bed. A few hung there, but this one served his purposes the best. It looked like one of those hats you often see detectives wear in works of fiction.

Huh. Toritsuka remembered that hat from his own room back home, but was it always that small? It seemed to fit well enough as Akechi put it on.

Hat acquired, the Pikachu hopped off the bed, making sure he was both in between and in front of the other two before striking a cool, thoughtful and confident sort of pose worthy of a great detective. “PK Academy Psykickers, move out!”

Toritsuka and Aiura nodded, each hopping to attention and striking a pose of their own behind him in true Psykicker mission style, but the look on their faces was much less enthused than usual. Even though they had accepted Akechi as part of the Psykickers before, it still felt like somehow their bit had just been taken over.

#Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan #The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.#Akechi Touma #Aiura Mikoto #Toritsuka Reita #Saiki Kusuo #Pikachu #Pinsir #Pokemon #Detective Pikachu

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the-desolated-quill · 6 years ago

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Okay, Enough With The Live Action/CGI Hybrids - Quill’s Scribbles

So the trailer for the upcoming Sonic The Hedgehog movie came out...

Do I really need to say it? Everyone and their mums have already said it. Hell, you’re probably saying it right now.

Sigh. Okay. Fuck it. I’ll say it.

Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?!?!

The trailer itself is shockingly bad. It looks bland and generic with almost nothing in common with the games. The jokes are forced and painfully unfunny (why are the people in the airport more concerned that the ‘child’ in the bag isn’t James Marsden’s rather than that there’s a fucking child in the bag in the first place?!), Jim Carrey is being his usual obnoxious self and is plain and simply a terrible choice for Doctor Eggman (isn’t the whole point of Doctor Eggman that he’s supposed to, you know, look like an egg?), and the soundtrack is utterly cringeworthy (Gangsta’s Paradise? Really?!?!). But that all pales in comparison to by far and away the biggest problem with the trailer. And I think you can all guess what that is.

Yes I’m of course referring to the noticeable absence of Team Chaotix. An artistic decision so despicable, it’s practically a hate crime. For shame! Everyone knows that Charmy Bee is the best character in the franchise and yet they don’t have the guts to put him in the movie! Fucking philistines!

...

Oh yeah, and Sonic the Hedgehog looks like a monstrous abomination concocted from the fever dreams of Doctor Frankenstein and Walt Disney.

It’s hard to know where to start when talking about just how grotesque and disgusting this CGI Sonic is. He looks like what your computer would produce if it caught pneumonia. What I especially don’t understand is why they veered away so heavily from the original, iconic design. I mean...

I don’t know about you, but I’d honestly have no problem if the movie just kept this look from the games. Hell, I think even giving him realistic fur would be pushing it. This is perfectly fine. I could totally see this design working in a movie. Instead we get the secret love child of Gollum and Papa Smurf.

He just looks so weird with human proportions. The leg muscles, the two eyes, the human looking teeth. Apparently the filmmakers wanted this Sonic to look as realistic as possible. Because when I pay to see a movie about an anthropomorphic blue hedgehog that can run at supersonic speeds, that’s my first thought. ‘Is it realistic?’

... Jesus Christ.

But of course the main problem with this live action Sonic movie is that it exists in the first place. When it was first announced, I assumed in my naivety that it would be an animated movie. Because that would make sense, right? There have been movie and TV adaptations before and they were all animated. Imagine a big budget computer animated Sonic movie. That would be really cool. But it was not to be. In Hollywood’s infinite wisdom, they decided to go the live action route because... Actually why did they choose to go the live action route? Well that’s what I hope to address in this very Scribble.

Live action adaptations and remakes are nothing new of course. Disney had tried it a few times in the past with movies like 101 Dalmations, there have been other live action versions of animated or illustrated characters such as the Grinch and the Cat In The Hat, Garfield, the Smurfs and Alvin and the Chipmunks, and there was of course the infamous Super Mario Bros movie, which answered the question of what it would be like if the Mushroom Kingdom took place in the same universe as Judge Dredd. But this is the first time live action/CGI hybrids have been huge money spinners. Disney struck gold back in 2010 when Tim Burton’s version of Alice In Wonderland made a billion dollars at the box office and now the company is mining through their back catalogue of Disney classics and giving all their movies the live action treatment. Initially I was okay with this because in the case of Alice In Wonderland and Maleficent they were at least trying to reinterpret the original films and put a new spin on them, but now they just seem to be copying the movies verbatim. Making live action remakes just for the sake of making live action remakes.

Now other studios are trying their hand at, the most notable being Pokemon: Detective Pikachu. Here’s a picture of the original Pikachu:

Cute, right?

Now here’s a picture of the live action Pikachu:

Can you see the problem here?

(also why the hell is Ryan Reynolds the voice of Pikachu? I honestly can’t think of anyone more inappropriate for the role. It’s like casting Samuel L. Jackson as a Powerpuff Girl)

The fact of the matter is some things just don’t work in live action. Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokemon work in their respective universes because they’re animated creatures in an animated world, and their anatomy and design fit that world. In the real world, it just doesn’t work. Pikachu looks strange and kind of creepy in the real world. The same is true of the other Pokemon. Jigglypuff looks utterly adorable in the games and animated show with its spherical body and cartoon eyes and you just want to take one to bed with you and cuddle them like a teddy bear, but in the real world it looks fucking scary!

I wouldn’t want to cuddle that thing! It looks like it would go for my throat given the opportunity!

The same is true of Sonic. Paramount’s attempts to make him look more ‘realistic’ just makes him look incredibly alien and out of place.

Another example I like to bring up is the film Christopher Robin. Now we all know Winnie the Pooh. Silly ol’ bear. Charming, cuddly and endearing, right? Just look at him.

How can you not fall in love with him?

Now here’s the live action version:

When I first saw the trailer, I was utterly creeped out. He looks like something out of a horror movie. Add to that that they got the original voice actor from the Disney cartoons to reprise the role, and Winnie the Pooh pretty much became the source of all my nightmares for the next couple of weeks. That lovable voice should not be coming out of that... thing.

It’s a pattern that repeats itself over and over again. Look:

Charming and lovable.

Weird and unsettling.

Creative and fun.

Photoshop disaster.

Sweet and likeable.

Fetch my crucifix and holy water.

Emotional and expressive.

So ‘realistic’ to the point where he looks like he has the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Now I recognise this largely comes down to subjective opinion. If you like these CGI redesigns, that’s great. More power to you. But I know for a fact I’m not the only one getting increasingly weirded out by these computer generated demons from Hell.

So why does Hollywood keep making these films. Well obviously in the case of Disney it’s because they’ve ran out of original ideas and want to make a quick buck by exploiting their audience’s nostalgia. (the same can be said of the Star Wars sequel trilogy). But what about other studios? Yes they’re financially motivated too, but there’s got to be more to it than that.

I think it’s largely down to the stigma of animated movies. Animation has become synonymous with children. When you hear the term ‘animated movie’, you automatically associate it with ‘kid’s film’. And ‘kid’s film’ is often used in a negative context. Like it’s somehow lesser than quote/unquote ‘proper’ movies. Live action suggests a certain pedigree. A sense of prestige. But that’s obviously bollocks. The quality of a film isn’t dictated by whether it’s live action or animated. It’s determined by the writing, directing and acting. There have been live action films made for kids and animated films made for adults. And I’m not talking about Sausage Party. I’m talking about Finding Nemo.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Finding Nemo? Isn’t that a kid’s film? No. It’s a family film. And that right there is the problem. You heard me say Finding Nemo, an animated film about talking fish, and you automatically associated it with a kids film. But the thing is Finding Nemo deals with some very dark and adult themes and its moral message of not being overprotective and allowing children to take risks is intended for the parents, not the kids. Obviously kids can still watch and enjoy Finding Nemo, but it’s the parents who are clearly the target here. The same is true of Toy Story 3. Children can still watch and enjoy it, but the film is clearly intended for people who watched the original Toy Story when they were a kid and are now grown up. When you stop and think about it, it’s really sad that family movies are associated with kids movies. Not that there’s anything wrong with kids movies obviously. But why do people assume that family movies are meant for kids? Why can’t they be adult stories that are also accessible to children? Books have done it. The Artemis Fowl series is kid friendly, but its tone, themes and style suggest the author has an older and more sophisticated target audience in mind. A Series Of Unfortunate Events is popular with kids, but it’s adults that get the full experience because of the way Lemony Snicket uses postmodern and meta-textual elements in the books, which would sail clean over the head of a kid reading it. The idea that a live action remake is somehow more ‘grown-up’ than an animated movie is just absurd. The original Lion King was very grown up, thank you very much. There are lots of bright colours and fun songs for the kids, but it also doesn’t sugarcoat the darker themes such as death, betrayal, corruption and abuse of power. Mufaser’s death isn’t going to be made any more impactful in live action. The animated version was more than heartbreaking.

Shifting the conversation back to Sonic, this is also intrinsically linked with another problem with Hollywood at the moment. Movie adaptations of video games. And again, it’s a similar problem. People, especially critics, view video games as being lesser than movies. Roger Ebert famously said that video games will never be considered art. But that’s nonsense. There have been loads of video games that could be and have been considered art. BioShock, for instance, which scrutinises and criticises both objectivism and capitalism. There’s the Mass Effect trilogy, which is often described as this generation’s Star Wars. The Last Of Us is widely considered to be a masterpiece by gamers and literacy scholars alike. Hell, the fact that Hollywood wants to make movie adaptations of video games at all suggests that games do in fact have some inherent artistic value after all. And it’s not as if I’m wholly against making movies based on video games. There are some games that could translate really well to films, Sonic being one of them. (I personally loved the Ratchet & Clank movie, for example. It’s just a shame nobody else fucking watched it due to the almost non-existent marketing). However there’s an inherent problem with translating video games to movies as opposed to, say, translating books to movies. In book to movies adaptations, studios are adding something. Visuals, sound, performance, etc. In video game to movie adaptations, they have to take things away. The most obvious is interactivity. Unlike movies where nothing is required of the audience other than to just dumbly stare at the screen, video games require the audience to actively control the story. Move the character, kill baddies, solve problems and stay alive. You are an active participant in the narrative. As a result, the emotional connection you feel with both the plot and the characters is often stronger than that in a movie because you have direct influence over what happens.

Also video games have the luxury of being able to tell their stories over the course of eight to thirty to even a hundred hours of gameplay. There’s no way you could condense something like The Last Of Us down to a two and a half hour movie. There would just be too much lost. Important character moments and plot points that would have to be chucked in the bin. Yes things get lost in book to movie adaptations, but nowhere near at the scale of a game to movie adaptation. A possible workaround would be to make game to TV adaptations instead, but then we’re back to the interactivity problem again. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that movies are better than books or that video games are better than movies. I’m just saying they’re each individually suited to tell their own kinds of stories in their own unique ways, therefore translating from one medium to the other is often difficult. The Last Of Us would never make a good movie, and that’s okay. The game is still amazing and the story is still amazing. Its artistic merit isn’t lessened because it can’t be translated to films, in the same way the merits of a bike aren’t lessened because it can’t fly. It’s just not designed to do that.

I guess the point I’m making is there’s no one way to tell a good story. There are an infinite number of ways it can be done. So lets stop Hollywood’s obsession with pigeonholing everything into one format and actually explore the possibilities, shall we?

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog movie #live action cgi remakes #video game movie adaptations #quill's scribbles

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