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thechangeling · 4 years ago

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Five

Ok so I actually got this idea awhile ago long before someone suggested it on here. Ty finding a letter that Christopher Lightwood wrote.

Tbh I don't know if I got Christopher's voice right. I tried my best!

I listened to Five and Mind by SAL while writing this.

Cw: Mentions of ableism.

For the future,

To whomever may be reading this, I would first and foremost like to begin by mentioning that I have not the slightest idea why I am writing this letter. Perhaps I have gone mad, just like everyone always says.

I believe most importantly that I have a strong desire to maintain hope for the future. Hope for a future that can and will include people like me. Shadowhunters who are different like me. And as I reach out into the void, across the empty chasm of time, I cannot stop myself from wondering.

Wondering what your life has been like. Wondering if your childhood was as lonely and frightening and complex as mine. Wondering if you were also seen as the outcast. Strange and offputting, but brilliant.

The smart one.

Do you find yourself with the inexplicable need to pull apart every peice of this fascinating existence and examine it at greater length? To analyze and discover answers to questions you honestly did not even realize you had until that very moment? Do you think like I do?

I am very fond of science. Some might say too fond. Most shadowhunters find it unusual for a fellow shadowhunter to be so invested in what they view as mundane business. I suppose shadowhunters are meant to be fighters and not scientists, which I find utterly ridiculous. Science is the key to everything. As a matter if fact, I have proven time and again how useful it can be to be to examine a problem from all possible angles rather then continuing to believe that there is only one right way.

Nephilum are stubborn as you know, and they can also be cruel. I am sure you understand just how painful it can be to be different, especially when no one will ever let you forget it.

The people I grew up with, my family and friends for the most part mean well. My parents always encountered my interests and never scolded me for behaving in a way that others may have thought to be abnormal. My friends however, are a more complicated story. There love has always felt, strange. Lack-luster in some ways, almost superficial.

They never took an interest in my experiments or listening to me talk about them. Which I understand, some people seem to find science frightfully dull. However it always hurt, knowing that the people who claimed to be my friends did not fully accept me.

I think you'll find a lot of that in your life. People will only take a liking to certain parts of you, often requiring you to pretend to be something you're not to gain their approval. You will need to twist and remold yourself into a more appropriate shape. But if you are here, reading this letter then I beg of you, please learn from my mistakes. Do not lose yourself.

Please do not sacrifice one precious bit of that brilliant mind. It is your most treasured possession. I understand this world and this society are harsh and cruel. There are people who will want to use you for their own personal gain. They will see you as what you can do for them and not as a whole person. We are only valuable to them if we can serve them. To make revolutionary discoveries or to create brilliant masterpieces. Please remember that you belong to yourself and you do not have to please them to be great.

Yes you can change the world, but please heed my words and remember that you do not have to. You can save them from themselves, from their own stupidity and arrogance. But do they deserve it?

Finally, I wish to leave off on a more pleasant note. I want you to remember that no matter how lonley and isolated you may feel, you are never alone. We have always existed and we always will. Whatever you decide to do with this life, I want you to remember to trust yourself and trust that only you know what is right for you. No one else.

In a world that demonizes and dehumanizes those who are different, the most powerful act of defiance you can perform, is loving yourself. I can proudly say that I have finally managed to do exactly that.

I encourage you to do the same.

Sincerely,

Christopher "Kit" Lightwood.

Ty didn't realize he was crying until he saw the droplets of water hitting the page. Quickly he set the letter down beside him and quoted his eyes to avoid ruining the old parchnent any further.

He had been exploring the attic in Ciernworth while Kit looked after Mina downstairs. Ty found he could only take so much of the three year olds antics before he needed a break. Kit didn't seem offended. He understood that sometimes Ty just needed to be alone.

Which had led him to finding the letter hidden into a hole in the wall.

Ty was stunned. He was feeling a lot of things, none of which he could quite get a grip on. He knew of Christopher Lightwood of course, he was a shadowhunter legend. Did this letter mean?

Was Christopher...like him? Autistic? Was that what he had been referring to? Of course Christopher wouldn't have had the words back then.

But he still knew, Ty thought. Just like I knew.

The tears came again as he let Christopher's words sink in.

Kit, his brain supplied. He went by Kit. Just like my Kit.

By the angel that really wasn't helping. Ty picked up the letter again.

"You are never alone," he read out loud. And it felt real. It felt tangible, like Christopher was speaking to him in the room, like he was holding Ty's hand. Like Ty could just reach out.

It felt like a lifeline.

Ty let out a shakey breath that then formed into a laugh as he let the tears dry on his cheeks.

"Thank you," he whispered into the empty silence.

And Ty could only hope that the message was recieved.

Tag list lmk if u wanna be removed/added.

@playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @dianasarrow @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @the-wckd-powers @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @felicitygeorgia @queenlilith43 @arangiajoan @eutonyinwhisper

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #kit x ty #twp #ty blackthorn #christopher lightwood #tlh

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ibvix · 1 year ago

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Thank you for sharing your well developed and meticulous style of creating life alive … Your exquisiteness to breathe life in to Your Brilliant Creative Art, occurring almost simultaneously giving the life saving dose to the boy the world would forever consider living life alive !!!

Someone said "Jonathan Harker but what if he was a Vampire but also still a dork?"

That someone might have been me.

#please do let me know if you wish chat or walk or huggies #yes please including just u and i isolated from all and beginning the #if you are completely comfortable please let me know as you are my only one you !!!#dracula daily #i need you in my life #everything else is secondary to the divine love and truth ... believe and trust #above all is true pure innocent love ... i am so beyond interested in all you do ....#i fucking miss you #ok now you've gone and done it ... true love infusion to the mind body heart and soul !!!#i miss you #never do i wish to be apart from you ... my life force #YOU ARE LOVED TRULY AND PURELY ... YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST ONE AND ONLY LOVE ... YOU VOWED #NEVER EVER TO LEAVE ... AFTER 13 YEARS WHY ARE YOU NOT ONLY TRUE PURE ... WHY DON'T YOU TRULY LOVE ME ??? SO YOU ARE LEAVING ME TO DIE ...#I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE EVER HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE OF DEATH #love you forever #what about tonight #ur loved and appreciated and you are really needed what are you doing ??? can you share so as to include me in your life ???#WHY DID YOU BREAK YOUR TRUTH AND VOW TO ME ???#you are my everything #YOU ARE FIRST ONE AND ONLY TRUE LOVE #WHY ??? YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING AND CARING BEING WHICH I HAVE EVER KNOWN #what a sweetie #thank you for being born #BUT I LIKE YOU SO MUCH #AND ADMIRE YOU RESPECT YOU YOUR TRUTH AND YOUR EXTRAORDINARY GENIUS ARE WITHOUT #nothing compares to you #please why must you tease me so cruelly ??? you are aware that you are the only one who is able to get to me #what is troubling you ??? please do share with me ?!!?#another reason why i love you so #WHAT ABOUT OUR UNITY AND ENGAGEMENT ???

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pruinesce-a2 · 4 years ago

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META: TODOROKI FUYUMI + COMPLEX PTSD.

this meta is gonna probably going to heavily reference child abuse and domestic abuse, so please don’t read if you’re vulnerable to those topics. i used a read more but i don’t think they’re working. ON TO THE META

complex ptsd ( c-ptsd ) generally develops as a result of chronic trauma, over months or years, most often experience throughout childhood; it’s rare ( but definitely not unheard of ! ) that it will develop in an adult, because, as the article i’m going to pick apart states, “ when an adult experiences a traumatic event, they have more tools to understand what is happening to them, their place as a victim of that trauma, and know they should seek support even if they don't want to. children don't possess most of these skills, or even the ability to separate themselves from another's unconscionable actions. the psychological and developmental implications of that become complexly woven and spun into who that child believes themselves to be -- creating a messy web of core beliefs much harder to untangle than the flashbacks, nightmares and other posttraumatic symptoms that come later. ”

emotion regulation. “ survivors with c-ptsd have a very difficult time with emotions -- experiencing them, controlling them, and for many, just being able to comprehend or label them accurately. many have unmanaged or persistent sadness, either explosive or inaccessible anger [...] they may be chronically numb, lack the appropriate affect in certain situations, be unable to triage sudden changes in emotional content [...] it's also very common for these survivors to re-experience emotions from trauma intrusively - particularly when triggered. these feelings are often disproportionate to the present situation, but are equal to the intensity of what was required of them at the time of a trauma -- also known as an emotional flashback. ”

the first things that stand out to me here: fuyumi easily fits the criteria of unmanaged or persistent sadness, but what really catches my eye is the concept of inaccessible anger. the boys very clearly fall under explosive anger, but fuyumi ... is seemingly never angry. it's a common point of contention in many posts i’ve seen about her; that she’s not reacting the way she should as a victim of abuse, that she “undermines” her brothers’ trauma by wanting to forgive her father. first of all i shouldn’t have to remind the fandom that she, too, is a victim of that abuse but it’s also entirely untrue that she’s disregarding her brothers because she even canonically identifies that she feels the same way they do - she identifies that yes, she is angry, yes, she understands they’re well within their rights to be so. but unlike them, this anger is ... far away. fuyumi, physically, emotionally, cannot bring that anger to the front. it’s frustrating for her, too.

i also want to point out the last sentence in this point: emotional flashbacks + the phrase “ what was require of them at the time of a trauma. ” an important thing to note is that often times, throughout fuyumi’s experience with these events … she’s the level-headed one. she’s the calm one. she’s the one mediating. this isn’t a new behavior - in an effort to mitigate her father’s abuse, this calm, peaceful nature is what these traumatic events have required of her, and as such, when anything begins to show potential for going wrong, she reverts back to this behavior.

explosive anger + disproportionate intensities in a certain situation definitely apply to natsuo; see the way he gets so angry over seemingly minute comments. touya / dabi is just. all over the place w/ this one he’s in all of it

difficulty with self-perception. “ in its simplest form, how they see themselves versus how the rest of the world does can be brutally different. some may feel they carry or actually embody nothing but shame and shameful acts - that they are "bad". others believe themselves to be fundamentally helpless; they were let down by so many who could've stopped their abuse but didn't [...] many see themselves as responsible for what happened to them [...] and, countless others may feel defined by stigma, believe they are nothing more than their trauma, worry they're always in the way or a burden, or they may sense they're just completely and utterly different from anyone or anything around them - they are alien. startling as it is, all of these feelings and more can live inside someone whom, to you, seems like the most brilliant, competent, strong, and compassionate human being you know. ”

she holds herself partially responsible for her father’s abuse - this is ALSO outright stated as canon, as seen here and here. the idea of helplessness, and particular bringing in the idea of learned helplessness ( thank u @/unsighty for pointing that out ) is ALSO very important to note here ... note in the shifuku page she says, “ i couldn’t do anything for shouto. ” both fuyumi AND natsuo also probably struggle with the idea of being a burden ( that neglect says hello ! ) / being in the way, too.

i also really like this note about how these feelings can be present in someone labeled “ brilliant, competent, strong, and compassionate ” ... because that’s exactly what fuyumi is seen as.

interruptions in consciousness. “ some may forget traumatic events (even if they knew of them once before), relive them intrusively, recall traumatic material in a different chronological order, or other distressing experiences of what is called dissociation. dissociation is a symptom that exists on a spectrum, ranging anywhere from harmless daydreaming or temporarily "spacing out"; to more disruptive episodes of feeling disconnected from one's body or mental processes, not feeling real, or losing time; all the way to the most severe, which includes switching between self-states (or alters), as is seen in dissociative identity disorder. episodes of missing time can range anywhere from a few minutes, a couple days, or even large chunks of one's childhood. The larger gaps in time are typically only seen in did, but those with c-ptsd alone can still endure 'interruptions in consciousness' that result in memory gaps, poor recall, traumatic material that is completely inaccessible, or, conversely, re-experiencing trauma against their will (e.g. flashbacks, intrusive images, body memories, etc.). ”

while this is definitely a symptom we see more of in shouto ( my boy is dissociating 24/7 ) , fuyumi experiences it sometimes as well. memory gaps, poor recall, and particularly re-experiencing trauma applies to fuyumi here - i think by and large she deals with intrusive imagery; i.e., while she’s in the kitchen, if she hears shouto nearby, or sometimes if she hears the kettle whistling / crying on the tv, she gets a flood of memories of shouto and her mother on the floor in the kitchen.

i think dabi can definitely be HEAVILY attributed to the idea of these losses in time, disconnecttions and self-states - and like with fuyumi, he definitely experiences intrustive imagery. we see that here, i think.

difficulty with relationships. “ this refers more to a survivor's potential to feel completely isolated from peers and not even knowing how to engage, to harboring an outright refusal to trust anyone (or just not knowing why they ever should), trusting people way too easily (including those who are dangerous, due to a dulled sense of alarm), perpetually searching for a rescuer or to do the rescuing, seeking out friends and partners who are hurtful or abusive because it's the only thing that feels familiar, or even abruptly abandoning relationships that are going well for any number of reasons. ”

fuyumi, first of all, definitely struggles to know how to engage with her peers. she’s outgoing and clearly a people person - so it’s often a question why she’s so nervous and struggles to make relationships and ... well. here’s why.

i don’t think fuyumi outright refuses to trust anyone, but there is intense hesitance and unsureness, particular for certain groups of people: men, people who are much taller & bigger than her, people who have some kind of fire affinity / ability, and people who are loud. the idea of perpetually searching for a rescuer, or to do the rescuing ... while typically you might think she falls under the former ( and i think she does, in a way. fuyumi never talks about her trauma, but her concept of love ties into this - someone who can take her away from her father, someone who has the power to do that? someone who is unafraid of him, or someone that he has no hold over? yeah. looking @ kenta n nishiki w this one ), fuyumi also searches to do the rescuing. once again i’m referencing this page - “ she became a teacher to compensate the fact that she couldn’t protect her younger brother. ”

i’m also pointing at the “dulled sense of alarm” - in my canon, fuyumi, for example, went out and put herself in the way of danger and met with less than savory contacts in an attempt to find information on dabi, once she got the inkling he might be touya.

obviously shouto and natsuo also have this urge to rescue, and dabi doesn’t trust anyone.

the perception of one's perpetrators. “ this can be one of the most insidious battles for some survivors with c-ptsd -- even if it seems crystal clear to those on the outside. victims of such prolonged trauma may eventually surrender, assuming their abuser(s) total power over them, possibly even maintaining this belief once they're 'free'. "i'll always be under their thumb, they call all the shots, they may even know what's best for me more than i ever will." others may feel deep sadness or profound guilt at just the thought of leaving them - including long after they've successfully left, if they were able. some may remain transfixed by their abuser's charming side or the warm public persona that everyone loves; it may feel truly impossible to think ill of them. many hold a constant longing for their abusers to just love them - craving their praise well into adulthood, slaving away in their personal lives just to make them proud. alternatively, there are others who may obsess about them angrily, holding only hatred and disdain for them to the point of persistent bitterness and/or vengefulness. some can even stir desires to seek that revenge. (though, it should be clearly noted that it's not at all common for them to actually do so. It's more about the thoughts than the actions.)

many survivors can have a primary, more surface-layer set of thoughts and feelings about their perpetrator(s), particularly when asked. they may know what they're "supposed to say" or "supposed to feel", and then follow suit. but it's helpful to know that a collection of all these responses can, and often does, coexist within one person, vacillating between extremes underneath what's shown to the world or even to themselves. day to day, and year to year, their feelings may shift - and - what the survivor knows to be true intellectually versus what they feel emotionally may remain incongruent for a very long time. ”

OKAY SO. THAT’S A BIG ONE. THAT’S A LOT TO READ. but i think it’s very, very important to fuyumi’s reaction to her trauma, and also to the fandom misconceptions of her. fuyumi clearly is very attached to her father. there’s no denying that. and the particular sentences that stand out to me here are “some may remain transfixed by their abuser’s charming side or public persona” and “they know what they’re supposed to feel”. i’ve said continuously that her father being a hero, and one so well-known and praised at that, has HEAVILY affected her views of him ! as a child fuyumi conflagrated his public persona as the “real” him. she struggled with this...... idea that his violence + aggression were a kind of "fake" version of him - aka "that's not the real him", "he's not always like that", "he used to be a lot nicer", etc. etc. and it’s only as she got older that she moved away from this line of thinking, though she still catches herself with it now and then. and, of course, fuyumi only ever wanted his attention and praise. she worked tirelessly to please him, trying to get him to come to her skating competitions, getting top marks in school, attending todai, always having dinner on the table in spite of her obligations.

it’s also so important to note the second paragraph in this section. fuyumi knows she should be enraged, she should want nothing to do with him, but that’s just ... really difficult for her, i think, especially when unlike shouto and natsuo, she remains in that environment. so there’s this disconnect between her desire for his love + making him proud, to defend him, to make their family “whole” again vs. the knowledge that she shouldn’t want anything to do with him.

natsuo holds that persistent bitterness, and dabi definitely wants revenge so um. yes. next point

one's 'system of meanings'. “ of the many, many well-observed developmental disruptions those with c-ptsd face, one that many find to be the toughest to conquer [...] is what's referred to as one's 'system of meanings' ; an area that, after being subjected to such tumultuous trauma, can feel almost irreparable. what this criterion is referring to is the struggle to hold on to any kind of sustaining faith or belief that justice will ever be served to indiscretions of ethics and morality. these survivors' outlook on life and the world at large can be unfairly contorted, and understandably so.

they may doubt there is any goodness or kindness in the world that isn't selfish-hearted. they may worry they'll never find forgiveness. others may even believe they only came to this world to be hurt, so there can be no good coming for them. this level of hopelessness and despair, as well as these greater meanings assigned to their suffering, can fluctuate greatly over time. there may even come several years where things no longer feel so bleak or as though they were conned of a meaningful life. but, as more layers of trauma are processed in therapy, or new memories bubble to the surface, they may wrestle with it once more as new feelings strike a devastating chord inside their chest. this is a common experience for so many survivors, and can have lasting ramifications with each plunge. ”

this point is, clearly, much more extreme in her brothers. shouto’s aggravation at being reprimanded for breaking the law when it meant doing good; natsuo’s clear resentment of heroes; and this one is, of course, most prevalent in dabi. see: “ the struggle to hold on to any kind of sustaining faith or belief that justice will ever be served to indiscretions of ethics and morality, ” or “ they may doubt there is any goodness or kindness in the world that isn't selfish-hearted. they may worry they'll never find forgiveness. ” LIKE HELLO. the hatred of heroes, the idolization of stain. SCREAMS DABI

i think fuyumi’s ‘system of meanings’ is ... much less disturbed than her brothers’ ( COUGH DABI COUGH ), but there still is some disruption there. by and large, fuyumi still believes that the good in the world outweighs the bad - but the disruption in her belief is also going to be that the hero system is a falsity, it’s a sham, it’s glorified and she inherently dislikes the concept of heroism.

so anyway. i’m upset hbu

#✲ \ 𝚃𝙾 𝙸𝚂𝙼𝙴𝙽𝙴 ‚ meta.#head empty FUYUMI ONLY !!!#abuse //#child abuse //#domestic abuse //#ask to tag //#long post //

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evil-ice-princess · 5 years ago

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Breathe Me In

♡ Pairing: Jungkook x Main Character (unnamed)

♡ Description: You attend a party in Beverly Hills where you reunite with your enemy, Jungkook.

♡ Genre: Romance

♡ Warning: Descriptions of hella making out (lol), implied sex, underage drinking, cursing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

♡ Word count: 5419

You were the good girl. Friday nights consisted of doing AP homework instead of getting drunk with your friends. Your grades were stellar. You held numerous leadership positions, and you were on the varsity tennis team. Any of the Ivies would drop on their knees to accept you. Of course, you weren’t thinking about school all the time. God, it would be social suicide to be a nerd. Those kids…were weird. You lived in Beverly Hills after all. Shopping at Louis Vuitton with your girlfriends. Eating at Nobu and Katsuya every other week. It was the norm. You had even had your fair share of hooking up with a few boys, but most of them sucked. You would think the boys at Harvard Westlake would be pretty decent, but your experiences proved otherwise. They would kiss you, and the next second wanted you to be their girlfriend. You just wanted the pleasure, you didn’t need all the boyfriend shit. And honestly their kissing wasn’t stellar either. But, all that changed on the first night of summer.

♡~♡~♡

“You coming to Jungkook’s party tonight?” Adrianna asks me as she begins to reapply her vibrant red lipstick. I look up from my AP U.S. History textbook, bewildered.

“You know my parents would kill me,” I reply. “And Jungkook Jeon? What an ass.”

“It’s the first day of summer! What the hell do you even have to study tonight?!” Naomi exclaims, continuing to text her boyfriend, Ethan, on her phone. “And Jungkook? Damn, if I didn’t have Ethan, I would sooo hook up with him.” She looks up from her phone glancing at her girl friends. “You so did not hear me say that,” she quickly says and then looks back down at her phone. Everyone laughs, including me.

“I don’t know…I mean I would go, but my parents…” I trail off. “I’ll ask I guess,” I mumble. The girls cheer, and I smile. I mean…it’s the first day of summer. Would my parents really make me stay in?

♡~♡~♡

“Absolutely not!” my father exclaims, incredulously.

“Why not?” I ask. “It’s Jungkook’s party. You like him, don’t you?” I reply. His parents are super close friends with my parents, but whenever Jungkook would come over I would just lock myself in my room saying I had way too much homework to do.

“Yes, but --”

“Soooo, you can trust me not to do anything bad. Jungkook’s sooo nice, too. Please, it’s the first day of summer,” I beg.

“No. You have to start writing college admissions essays, don’t you?” “I have five months, Dad! Please!”

“If your father says no, then the answer is no,” my mother replies. I bite my lip from uttering something that I would regret. God, they sicken me. I do every damn thing they want, yet they won’t let me do one little thing. “Fine. Can I at least go to the library to write the essays? Mom, you can even drop me off,” I ask, a plan forming in my head.

She looks at my dad, but he just scowls and walks away. Typical. “Fine, but I’ll pick you up at 11:30 PM.”

“Thank you,” I reply. I walk to my room and immediately enter my walk-in closet. What to wear, what to wear? I pull open a drawer and look through the vast collection of lingerie I had secretly bought with my friends. I decide to wear a beautiful strapless black lace bra with matching underwear. Why not? I think. It’s not every damn day I dress up. I throw on a navy blue crewneck I had bought during a college campus visit at Columbia and put some leggings on. I then go through all my dresses and pick a strappy lace-y black romper. Searching through my shoes I finally find my dazzling black Gucci heels adorned with diamonds and grab a silver necklace with a single pearl. It was a gift Jungkook’s parents had actually given me for my sixteenth birthday, and it happened to be my favorite necklace. I hook the necklace around my neck and hide it beneath my sweater. I put the romper and heels at the bottom of my backpack and fill a small makeup bag with the essentials I need. I am going to that damn party.

I text Adrianna quickly: Ade, pick me up from the library at 6 please?

Adrianna: sure whatever ly ❤

I smirk to myself as I walk out of my room. I look plain. No makeup on my face. Hair in a messy bun. Leggings and a crewneck sweatshirt. No one would suspect I was planning to go to the hottest party of the summer. It is 4:30. I had a lot of time to kill at the library. “Mother! I’m ready!” I call, annoyed.

Moments later, I am in my mother’s Porsche, and she silently drives me to the Beverly Hills Public Library. It was a fifteen minute drive, and I wave goodbye to her as soon as she pulls up in front of the library. At that moment, I feel the slightest bit of guilt. I tried to not break the rules too often, but this party…it was calling me. AP Exams were done. I know I got all 5s. All my SATs and Subject Tests were done. 1500+ of course. All my finals went well. I deserve this party. “Hey mom? I love you,” I say, and that makes me feel a little bit better for my lying. She gives a soft smile. I turn away walking towards the library before it becomes a sappy moment.

I open my laptop and go to Netflix to turn on my favorite TV show at the moment, Beverly Hills, 90210. I immerse myself within the characters’ drama, and as I watch Kelly kiss another boy, I somehow wish my life is as interesting as theirs. Naomi has her boyfriend, Ethan. Adrianna, a growing actress, gets to be practically anyone else she wanted with all the roles she is receiving. Silver is constantly making films and blogging. Even Annie’s, the principal’s daughter, life seems more interesting than mine. I sit there sulking at this fact while watching the show for a while when a text pops up.

Jimin: u comin to the party 2nite

I sit up suddenly interested. Jimin has no reason to text me…unless maybe he wanted to…do some things. I quickly type back a yes.

Jimin: cant wait ;)

I ponder over his texts. He is the typical fuckboy material. Hooking up with girls and leaving them when they least expect it. Do I want that? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. But I think back to the time we had made out at his beach house a few summers ago…he wasn’t as bad as the rest of the boys either when it came to all that. Maybe he could be the perfect summer fling, and when school started we could break it off. Being alone is good enough for me. Adrianna finally arrives at the library at 6:13 PM, and I jump into the passenger seat as she begins to drive home.

“Damn, that outfit is definitely going to impress the boys,” she says, looking at my lazy outfit.

“Yep, this bitch is definitely getting it tonight.” I point at myself making a weird face. We laugh, and it feels good. Good to be away from my parents. From school.

Soon we are in her house, and within fifteen minutes our friends are all here. Annie and Silver lie on Adrianna’s bed gossipping while Naomi applies makeup. Adrianna straightens her hair, and I strip myself of my boring clothes. She glances at me and a devilish smile appears on her face. “Now that’s going to impress some boys,” she says, admiring my lingerie set.

“Thanks,” I say while putting on the romper. It hugs me in all the right places. Just the right amount of cleavage and legs. I turn around in the mirror, realizing people would be able to see my bra. Dammit, I forgot this was a backless romper.

“Oh, honey, you should definitely take the bra off.” Naomi says. I expertly unclasp the bra and throw it at her. “Hey!” she squeals. What seems like just seconds is a couple of hours. By the time we are all done gossipping, giggling, and getting ready it is 10 PM. I walk out of the bathroom and twirl around for the girls.

“What do you think?” I ask, winking.

“Hot, hot, hot,” Silver exclaims. Along with the low-cut black romper I paired it with the sparkling Gucci heels and pearl necklace. I kept my makeup to a minimal. A bit of foundation. A little blush. Some mascara and eyeliner. My lips painted with a glittery gloss. My perfectly curled hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, and overall, I portray the typical rich Beverly Hills girl.

Because Jungkook’s house is just a few houses down from Adrianna’s, we walk to the big mansion. My eyes widen as I absorb the beauty of his house. God, he really has it all. He has it all except for a nice personality.

We enter the home, and everyone separates to different aspects of the party. Naomi to Ethan. Silver and Annie towards the food. And Adrianna towards the party games. So that leaves me. Alone. At a party. A waiter passes by, holding a few different cocktails, and I take a pink-colored one. I want to explore every inch of this grand palace. Jungkook is lucky. He is lucky as hell. Something told me I would be coming back to his house, so I know I will have a lot of other opportunities to see his mansion. I decide to go out to the backyard. This was not a typical backyard though with some uneven grass and a little pool. This is Beverly Hills after all. An infinity pool is placed on the edge, looking out towards the sparkling lights of Los Angeles. Downtown is clearly in view. People are swimming in the pool and seem content. There are a few outdoor couches spread out, and a little mini bar station serving a plethora of alcoholic drinks and sophisticated appetizers.

I spot Jimin with Jungkook, who happen to be best friends, and his eye catches mine. His lips begin to smile, and I can see his eyes rake over my body. I remember how he did that last time; my cheeks grow warm, and I head back inside. Jungkook does not turn around to see what his friend is staring so intently at.

Practically every room is filled with people. In such a big home, I expected there would be an empty room, but no. After ten minutes of searching, I am finally able to find an isolated living room. A half empty bottle of champagne sits on the glass table, and I pour myself the remnants into my glass. Maybe I was bored, or maybe I unconsciously wanted to get drunk, either way, I just could not stop drinking. I fish my iPhone out of my pocket and see a few text messages from my parents asking how my essays are coming along. Fuck them. A bunch of snapchat notifications are on my phone, and I see Jimin had sent me one. Seven minutes ago. It is a blurry selfie of himself, and he had captioned it “where r u”. I don’t reply.

Suddenly, a voice says, “So, she finally decided to show up,” My head whips around, and I see Jungkook standing there looking down at me, an empty champagne glass in his right hand, and another bottle in the other. He sports a classic dark suit, and he has a single black stud in his ear. Typical bad boy look. “What are you doing all alone?” he teases, as he takes a seat right next to me on the plush couch. I don’t say anything. The side of his body presses against mine, and I tense up. “I was looking for you.” he says, and I look at him, a mixture of disgust and curiosity on my face.

“Go away, Jungkook,” I say, turning away from him. I did not want to see his face. I hate him.

“C’mon. You don’t talk to me anymore, and I don’t even know why.”

“You know exactly why,” I snap, and I turn to look at him. I am unable to read his expression.

“I don’t know,” he protests, and he pours a glass of champagne for himself. He tips the bottle towards me, and I hold out my glass to have him fill it up.

“Why does it matter anyway?” I ask.

“Because every time I go to your house you shut me out. I’m stuck sitting with your and my parents listening to them talk about whatever shit they always talk about. You just did it for no reason, and all I want to know is why.”

“Dammit, Jungkook. You slept with one of my best friends after telling me you loved me. Gee, I definitely don’t have ANY reason to be mad at you right?”

He looks hurt, but he knows it is true. “You didn’t say anything to me! You just looked at me and left! I…I didn’t know what to do. Did you think I would just wait for you forever?”

“I liked you, and you couldn’t even wait. I had to think things through!” My words are faltering. Why did I reject him? I was probably scared. Scared to get into a relationship. Scared of the emotional attachment that comes with dating. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Clearly, we have different people in our lives anyway.” I justify, thinking about how Jimin had smiled at me earlier. And I know Jungkook probably has someone else too. I shift my body towards him, and his gaze makes me want him. I want him even though I despise him. The tension between us heightens as we both look at each other. I avert my eyes away from him and quickly change the topic. “So. What’s the point of throwing these big parties anyway?” I ask, taking a sip of the champagne.

“To let go. To feel less alone,” he curtly replies, downing his glass of champagne and pouring another. How many glasses had he already drank? He pushes his hair back and exhales. “What about you?”

“Same reason, I guess.”

“How are your parents doing…?” he asks tentatively.

“They’re pretending as if nothing is wrong. He fucking cheated on her, and she doesn’t do anything.” I don’t know why I’m telling him about my personal problems, but it’s not like any of my friends would listen. We had to portray ourselves as perfect girls who did not have any worries. We were supposed to be who everyone looked up to. It feels invigorating telling him my problems.

He sighs. “I’m sorry,” I can tell he means it. Maybe he is different from every other rich Californian boy here. So maybe he screwed up once…but he still seemed like the sweet boy I knew. “Obviously, you can tell from all this that my parents still don’t give a shit about what the hell I do,” he mutters taking another swig of the champagne.

“Can’t be that bad to have parents who don’t care, can it?”

“Well, think about it this way. If my parents actually cared, do you think I would throw these parties? Would I be hooking up with girls in hopes to have them stop me? God, you would think me having done drugs a few times would have made them notice.”

I sit up, having never thought about it that way.

“Is it some sort of requirement for the rich kids to have shitty parents?”

He scoffs. “Guess so.”

We sit in silence for a heartbeat, leaning into each other both of us afraid to do or say anything.

“I miss you.” he says suddenly. I know he is thinking about the times we had laughed in the basement of his beach house while watching movies. The times he would help me with my math homework. They were good memories, but that didn’t change anything now. I shift away.

“Jungkook, just stop. Nothing changes between us just because we both have shitty parents. It can’t take away what you did to me.”

“What was I supposed to do? I waited for you, and you made it pretty clear you didn’t feel the same way.”

“You didn’t give me enough time -– you know what, we’re not talking about this again. I’m done.” I stand up to leave. “I thought you were different, but you’re just as bad as every other boy here.”

“I thought you were different too, but you’re here drinking champagne on my couch, so obviously you aren’t who I thought you were either.” He pauses, taking another sip of his champagne. He smirks up at me. “You’re exactly like me.”

My jaw drops. “Fuck you, Jungkook. I’m nothing like you.”

As I walk away, I hear him faintly say, “Wait…” I ignore him and storm away. Hoping to find my friends, I climb up the flight of stairs angrily, when I bump into none other than Jimin. The perfect distraction. “Hey,” I coolly initiate.

He smiles. “Hi.”

“Soo…where were you heading?” I ask. A couple scooches past us to go down the stairs.

“Oh, y’know. I was going to see where Jungkook was, but, I suppose that could wait.”

I smile feeling satisfaction. He is exactly what I need. A distraction.

We climb up the rest of the stairs together, and when we reach the main floor I spot a pool table. Adrianna and Carter, an attractive brown-haired boy, are playing, and I lead Jimin over. “Wanna play in teams?” I ask, and they agree. Adrianna eyes Jimin and mouths ‘nice.’ I mouth back ‘same to you.’ We all play for awhile, and I completely forget about the argument I had with Jungkook. Jimin’s hand is on my waist as he guides me on how to properly hit the ball.

Soon, more people arrive at the table, and Jimin whispers in my ear, “Let’s get out of here.” I oblige, and he leads me to a gorgeous room. The walls are painted a beautiful black and the ceiling a light grey color. From the ceiling hangs a small black chandelier. A plush black carpet is placed on top of the dark wooden floor. The bed is pushed up against the wall, a white silk bedspread on top of it along with a few burgundy and black throw pillows. It is absolutely insane how beautiful the bedroom is. I take a guess that this must be Jungkook’s parents’ bedroom. And I do not give a shit that we were about to ruin it. Jimin pulls me onto the bed, and his lips brush against mine. We both sit there for a while, kissing slowly.

As his kissing gets more intense, Jimin slowly begins to push me into a lying position on the bed, when suddenly the door bursts open. Thinking it is one of my friends or some drunk guy, I continue to kiss Jimin hoping the person will realize the room is clearly occupied and will leave.

“What the actual fucking hell,” a voice hisses. Jimin pulls away, and we both sit up. Jungkook’s eyes are fixed on me. Jimin looks like he couldn’t give less of a shit.

Jimin stands up, clearing his throat. “Sorry bro. I thought you wouldn’t mind me using your room. Clearly not,” he remarks. His voice indicates no empathy. No shame. I realize I should have known this was Jungkook’s room. Who else would want a completely black room? I bite my lip from laughing at Jimin’s comment. Jungkook deserves to be hurt. Without any more words being said, Jungkook forces a smile, indicating Jimin should leave. He figures and begins walking out the door when he questioningly looks back at me still sitting on the bed.

“I’ll be out in a few…” I say. He nods.

I wanted to oh-so-badly make a few witty remarks. Make him hurt more than he already is. The second Jimin leaves the room, Jungkook closes the door quietly and locks it.

“Are you fucking serious? Jimin Park?” Jungkook exclaims.

“Just call it getting even,” I retort. His eyes are set ablaze by anger. His hand clenching into a fist. Although I don’t want to admit it, it’s hot. Hot as hell to see him getting angry. Getting jealous.

“With Jimin? That’s some serious class you got there,” he replies. I stop smiling.

“Are you saying you have class? Because damn, that’s clearly shown when you fucked my best friend.” I stand up from his bed, and heels clicking on the wooden floor, I brush past him, but he grabs my wrist, holding it tightly.

He steps closer until his body is right behind mine. “I am not like every other boy here,” he breathes into my ear, and I close my eyes, my mind begging to taste his lips. Leave him. Go find Jimin. Now. Leave him, leave him, leave him. Why am I not leaving?

“Jungkook…you’re drunk,” I whisper. We’re both drunk. Drunk on the idea of a possible romance. A possible rekindling of the fire we had almost once had.

“Are you telling me you don’t like this?” His hand glazes up the side of my body. His finger playing with the black strap of my romper. He pulls away all contact, and I am left wanting more. I want to turn around and kiss him. But I am too prideful to give in.

I don’t answer him. I hate him. God, he is the epitome of high confidence. Goddamn, why did he have to be so fucking attractive? I hate him so so so much. He is just like every other rich Californian boy. Just wanting to hook up and nothing more. Right? Right? Right?! Maybe it was because I drank too much champagne or the fact I just wanted to let go, but I shake my head no. No, I don’t like this. I love this. He is ruining me, and he loves it. And I love it too. It is the first night of summer. I want to be someone else. Not the person who is expected to study all the time. God, I need him.

I turn to face him, and he has a smirk on his face. “You think you can break me, but you can’t.”

“Oh, yeah?” he whispers lowly, looking down at my lips. “Well, you can’t break me either.” Why do we both have to be so proud? Goddammit, I want him, but I won’t give in. I won’t give in. Maybe if I keep telling that to myself I wouldn’t give into his temptations. My heels click away from him, and I open the door.

“Bye, Jungkook,” I wink at him. He looks pissed. Pissed as fuck.

By this point I do not know where Jimin had gone off to. He probably had gone off with some other girl after witnessing the rising tension between Jungkook and I. It doesn’t matter though because Jungkook and I were the sealed fate for tonight. Whether he knew it or not, one of us would eventually give in. And that would be him. I check what time it is on my phone, and it is 12:17 AM. Some people are leaving, but c’mon, the party had only started 2 hours ago.

Adrianna, Annie, and Naomi are lying back on a couch outside, their long, slender legs placed on top of the glass table. They look like they are the queens of the party. Annie and Naomi shift over to give me room in the middle.

“Heard you hooked up with Jimin,” Naomi comments.

“We just made out. Jungkook kind of interrupted us before anything could really happen.” I reply. Should I tell them about what happened after Jimin left?

“And?” Naomi presses.

“I don’t know. Jimin left, so…yeah.” My mind wanders back to thinking about Jungkook’s touch. His cold fingers grazing up my arm. His breathing next to my ear driving me insane. Stop thinking about it. Annie studies me carefully. She understands me better than Naomi and Adrianna. She rarely spread rumors nor liked being in the center of attention.

“Let’s go get some drinks,” she finally says. “We’ll be back in a few,” she says to the girls. We stand up, heading inside. The air is cold inside making me shiver.

“Please spill.”

I give her the general details, nothing…too graphic.

“Ohmygod. Why are you not with him right now?!”

“Because…we’re in a competition,” I mumble sheepishly, realizing how stupid it is. We are seventeen year olds playing little kid games.

“What…?”

“We’retryingtoseehowlongwecanstayawayfromeachother,” I say really fast, embarrassed.

“I swear to God. You are this close to getting with the hottest guy in the grade, and you’re��avoiding him? For a little competition? You’re literally crazy!” she exclaims incredulously.

“Annnnnnnie, you don’t get it,” I insist.

“All I’m hearing is that both of you are too damn proud to be the first one to admit you like each other.”

“I don’t like him.” But I do.

“You keep telling yourself that, but c’moooon. It is so obvious. Seriously, I’m telling you. Just go to him now, tell him you love him, and there’s your happily ever after.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll text him.”

“You better tell me everything tomorrow!” she squeals, and she walks back to Naomi and Adrianna.

I shake my head, smiling. I know exactly how to do it. A waiter passes by, and I quickly grab a cocktail. I take it to Jungkook’s room, and I down the sweet alcoholic drink within mere seconds. I would need it. Unlocking my phone, I text Jungkook: your room. 15 minutes. My fingers shake as I type each letter out. My heartbeat quickening. What if you’re too late just like last time? What if he’s with another girl already? What if you’re not good enough for him? What if, what if, what if? These questions run through my mind, and I become a growing time bomb. I stand up to dim the lights in his room to a point where he would be able to see me, but not super clearly. You should just leave. He doesn’t love you, I lie down on the silky bedspread, the cool fabric touching my almost bare back. Every second feels like a minute. Every minute feels like an hour. Why did it even matter to me if he comes or not? I could have any boy I want, right? I unlock my phone again to find he had still not read the text. It had been thirteen minutes. Two minutes pass, and he’s still not here. It doesn’t matter. I stand up beginning to leave, completely done with him. I’m done with him. That is the moment he finally walks in, closing the door behind him. He glides toward me until my body is pressed against the black wall, having no place to go, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” I mutter, tilting my head down. His fingers tips my chin up. He is looking me directly in the eyes.

“Clearly, you were wrong,”

My breath stops for just a second. His lips inch towards mine and connect. They taste of mint and move against mine slowly. He seems…unsure. His hands grip my waist gently, and my hand cups his cheek. I want more. I pull away, and he looks surprised. “Kiss me like you fucking mean it. God, I thought you were good at this. Hmm, maybe I should go back to Jimin.” I egg him on, knowing he will get pissed. And he does.

“Don’t say his name,” he mutters, and his lips reconnect with mine with more need. More hunger. This time I could feel the confidence. The cockiness. It is way different than Jimin’s kisses. Jimin was absolutely emotionless, but Jungkook…He has everything. Anger. Jealousy. Love. Lust. All of it is there. I am so lost in him. He slides his jacket off, and he roughly bites my lip, needing more. He does not care how rough he is. He needs me, and I need him. I notice the hints of alcohol as our tongues fight for dominance. Putting his hand on my ponytail, Jungkook takes the hairtie out. My hair cascades down, and he runs his fingers through my hair. I eventually win control. I push him away from the wall and lead our bodies towards the bed. Suddenly, Jungkook pulls away this time. He grabs me by the waist and pushes me onto the bed so I fall into a lying position. I let out a small yell, and he smiles devilishly. All the control I thought I had is gone. He pushes up against me, his clothed hips rolling down on mine. His face buries into my neck, and I let out a small moan.

“I win,” he mumbles into my neck. I can feel him growing restless as he leaves soft kisses everywhere. His teeth work at gently tugging on the sensitive skin. I don’t care that I would go home with so many damn love bites on my neck. Jungkook is mine, and that is all that matters right now. He continues to leave bites everywhere, and no amount of makeup would be able to cover them. Moans continuously leave my lips, and God, I can feel him smiling.

“I fucking hate you, Jungkook,”

“I’m sure you do,” he breathes against my now sensitive skin. I let out a sigh of pleasure. He finally sits up to look down at me. He appears smug seeing all the bites he has left. Pure art.

I sit up and climb onto his lap, my arms hooking around his neck. “Time for payback,” I press my lips against his softly. As our lips move together, I work to throw his tie off and unbutton his shirt. My hands roam down his chest to his abs to his thigh. I grip his clothed thigh knowing it would drive him absolutely crazy. He groans lowly.

“Fuck,”

I scatter bites across his neck. The upper part of his chest. He is a mess. An absolute fucking mess. I can not believe I completely have him under my spell. He throws his head back moaning.

It is as if there is no party going on outside the almost dark bedroom. It is just me and Jungkook. In that moment, we do not give a shit about what problems we have in our lives. We just need each other.

♡~♡~♡

“I…I should go. My parents…” I groan against him. He plays with the strap of my romper.

“Just a little bit longer?” he asks. With all the will I have remaining, I remove myself from him. I shake my head no, and he looks disappointed. I glance at his clock. 1:57 AM. How had more than an hour passed of us just making out?

“So, when’s round two gonna be?” I whisper. I sit on the edge of his bed leaning over to put my heels back on. I would probably get someone who is still at the party to drive me home or something.

“How about now?” he asks, putting his chin on my shoulder. I glance at him. He looks like an innocent puppy. I do not understand how he could change his personality so fast.

“Jungkook…” I trail off.

He begins to kiss my neck again. Fuck.

“C’mon. You can deal with your parents later…” he whispers. I think about it as he continues to kiss over the hickies he had left earlier. Either way, leaving now or in the morning, my parents would kill me. I kick off my shoes as quickly as I had put them back on.

He pushes me back down, and he smirks. “And just so you know…I won. I knew you couldn’t resist me,” he remarks, his lips so close to mine.

He gives that irresistible smile and without me realizing it, he begins to slowly push the straps of my romper down. But I won’t say anything more. Because what happened in Beverly Hills stayed in Beverly Hills.

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ibvix · 2 years ago

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I miss you so fucking much !!!

I really want to die !!! ... No friends ... The truth of the matter is You were my inspiration

Show your vulnerability

#please do let me know if you wish chat or walk or huggies #yes please including just u and i isolated from all and beginning the #baby are you … are things going on with you internally troubling you ??? baby i love you please love let me inside #if you are completely comfortable please let me know as you are my only one you !!!#infinite flames of love and passion !!!#please teach me what you know … like flowers #please set me free with you only true LOVE PURE LOVE AND TRUST SWEETIE BABY BUNNIE SOULMATE HUSBAND AND TWIN please unite with me so we maye #innocently as one with only you ... soul #iloveyou #wuving you for you only !!! 💋🔥💋#you are loved through and beyond all ... truly purely deeply innocently appreciatively thankfully humbly #i really appreciate all of you #i fucking miss you #can't stop crying and missing my only true LOVE PURE AND INNOCENT #please share with me ??? what happened ???#i miss you so fucking much #is it a burning need to be held comforted whilst you are just looking for #please come and get me before it's too late ... I really appreciate and LOVE YOU TRULY AND PURELY WITH THE INNOCENCE #I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOVE AND ONLY TRUE LONINESS !!)#i need you in my life #no turning back #nothing else matters

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therealfluke · 5 years ago

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hello hello ! wld j like to say that if ur already following me and ur like “why” it is because. this is may. i j reserved from my rph so the alias it went under was lucky. which actually,, so fitting w this theme (goes by a name that means an unlikely coincidence, last name is associated with luck, etc.). in addition, if “lucky” by britney spears immediately got stuck in ur head... that was the ultimate goal. also listen,,,, u r not the only one who hates my url. and finally! i saved the old posts on here and j made them private for posterity (obviously) and also,, my sanity.

‹ OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN, HE/HIM, CIS MAN, BISEXUAL. › levi “fluke” fisher is the twenty-seven year old from salem, massachussets / new york city, new york. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said, ❝ IT FEELS LIKE I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. ❞ they claim final destination is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would form an alliance with the murderer, then annoy the murderer into killing him by asking too many questions. their fears include rats, isolation and living the rest of his life without muse d, and they don’t know we know, but… in spite of a promise he made to his family, friends and self, he has a baggie of heroin on him at all times so he can prove to himself he’s strong (which is a lie – it’s really for a ‘just in case’ situation) . hope they enjoy their stay. ‹ MUSE C from OTHERSIDE penned by, LUCKY, 20, EST. ›

QUICK FACTS:

full name: levi “fluke” james fisher

hometown: salem, ma // moved to new york city, new york at twenty-two

date of birth: march 10, 1992*

*does not perfectly reflect the below Big Three Zodiac Chart™ because that’s so much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, scorpio moon, pisces rising (he is!! so ruled by his emotions!!)

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual

occupation: museum night guard ( fired ) / leech off of his older siblings

mbti: infp

enneagram: 4w5

the song i listen to on repeat while i write the intro: “stars” - nina simone ( cover )

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: death (under mysterious circumstances, but officially dubbed murder), night terrors / hallucinations?, drug abuse / addiction ( oxy, heroin ), accidental overdose, death by overdose

it began with josephine (“jo”), levi, charlotte (“lottie”), and christopher (“chris”) – in that order. or, perhaps, that reverse order – see: chris was the oldest.

they were all born to very kind and lovely parents. the majority of levi’s memories with his parents take place in a large house they were intending to flip. given its size and the price it would sell for, they spent more than their fair share of time in there. that being said, because their parents were often busy flipping and marketing the house, they all relied on each other for fun, even in spite of the sizable age difference between himself (and jo, who i have forgotten to mention is his “younger” twin) and christopher.

the longer they spent there, however, the more uneasy they grew. i mean, it was basically its own version of the manor – it was also guillermo del toro’s wet dream. levi could’ve sworn he’d had some run-ins with spooks, but no confirmation was ever, nor could ever be, offered. so the manor feels... very normal.

anyway, when levi was eight, his mother and father met an untimely demise. a break-in gone wrong while the kids were with their grandparents, they were told. at the time, levi... was eight and, therefore, had no doubts. now, however, he mulls over the many possibilities – it was a big house, the likelihood that they really could’ve been in that wrong of a place at that wrong of a time felt very unlikely. some form of suicide? something otherworldly? they seemed about as likely. he’s pretty sure lottie and chris know the truth, but...

after that, they were sent to live with their grandparents. while not particularly ideal, they recognized that it was far better than the foster care system. however, these recurring spooks didn’t just stop when he moved. his grandparents and older siblings blamed it on childhood night terrors, jo believed him.

as they continued into his teen years, they claimed it was sleep paralysis. he confided in jo, in secret, that they weren’t strictly at night. he knew very well that, if he shared that with his grandparents or older siblings, they would think he really needed help. maybe he did, he never truly learned.

when chris moved out to go to college, and when lottie followed just a few years after, levi found it was just jo and himself. their grandparents were beginning to go past old age and reach senility. they had bouts of forgetting.

levi chose not to go to college, but insisted jo, who’d always wanted to go, go without him. she went to new york city, he stayed behind with his grandparents in salem up until their death when he was twenty-two. it was early in his eyes, but for, say, his brother, it was pretty record-breaking.

when he was twenty-one, after the death of his grandparents, he left salem and all of its reminders of childhood terrors and lies. he found jo in new york and began living with her and working as a night guard at one of the many museums.

but a mere one (1) year later, jo, usually straight-edge, decided she would finally go to her first college party in celebration of being so close to graduating. yeehaw. levi was invited to go with her, but had been warned far too recently that, if he missed one more shift, he’d be fired.

on the topic of his night shifts, his terrors seemed to go away when he moved to new york. it seemed as though he’d left them all in salem, but there were definitely moments in a huge and empty museum that he could’ve sworn he’d seen something. anyway, back to the main point:

jo didn’t return until the next morning and, when she did, she expressed the excellency she had experienced the night before. she wasn’t afraid of telling him she’d tried drugs for the first time – no, that night, it’d just been weed. he’d tried weed in high school, trying to figure out if it would help with his terrors. for a hot second, it did... which is what led to his own demise.

(OK! so from here on out, i’ll be talking about the other muses in the subplot. i’m gonna do my best to leave their story and keep their drug of choice vague! anyway!)

jo began falling deeper into the drug world after meeting and beginning to date muse b and eventually fell into harder tingz™. she never tried to pressure fluke into trying anything, but he witnessed the reaction to it. between that and having looked up to his younger sister ( by, like, two minutes ) for nearly the entirety of his life, he decided to try whatever she did.

however, unlike her, he quickly escalated to heroin.

he started out smoking it... then snorting it... then began shooting it. he liked shooting it the best – not only because he reached the high quicker, but also because it required more of a ritual. as a fan of ritualistic behavior, the lead-up was almost as enjoyable as the high itself. unfortunately, it did leave him with many trackmarks and an even higher risk of reliance and overdose.

he didn’t go out to many parties after that. he preferred shooting in the company of the few, not the many. if his sister and friends did, that was their prerogative, but it was just... more peaceful...

suddenly, he didn’t ever think about the terrors or the lies or the shadows in the museum. he was eventually fired, yes, and had to start ‘earning’ money via asking his other siblings.

when the topic came up between himself and his little group of friends on whether or not they should quit, he had no answer.

in 2018, at twenty-six, his usual dealer had cut him off due to the money he was no longer good for. finding a much cheaper one, he took the same dose, but the amount of other chemicals it was cut with sent him to the hospital. given plenty of naloxone, he came out of it alive and clean and, due to the nature of it all, was deemed a fluke.

he didn’t take to that at first. he was lucky, yes, but a fluke ? it couldn’t have been that unlikely... especially when he fell back into it after finding another dealer and being totally fine. however, when he heard jo had overdosed and actually died ?

yes, he was a fluke.

he was so blinded with rage at muse a at first for leading his absolute crutch to her death, he was so blinded with rage at muse b for first introducing her to a world of harder drugs, he was so blinded with rage at himself for being the one who survived when she was the one who actually could’ve done something with her life.

so he embraced the word ‘fluke’ – he acknowledged that he was one during her eulogy, he told his other siblings he’d been the fluke at her wake. when he began saying it enough times, it caught on, whether he meant for it to or not.

he’s no longer so angry at muse a and muse b for what they did. muse b wanted to get sober, after all, and muse a , much like himself, was simply an addict. they couldn’t help not being prepared to give it up. he’s still furious at himself.

now that they've all gone clean, however, fluke is somewhat more pleased. he’s fairly certain he’ll never not be in mourning. quite frankly, he’s fairly certain he’ll eventually relapse. even worse, in spite of the group promise, he’s brought contraband with him to “prove his strength” ( see: that’s what he tells himself ).

riffing off of that, in the manor, his terrors have begun returning and he’s unable to nail if it’s because of the similarities between it and the home he remembers so well or if it’s because he’s now sober of it it’s because... it’s just the manor itself.

he’s still certain it’s all real.

TL;DR:

basically lived in a replica of the manor when he was a kid with his loving parents and three other siblings. is pretty sure he saw some paranormal stuff goin on. parents were “murdered” but he suspects something else. moved in with grandparents and continued seeing some paranormal stuff. only his twin sister, muse d (jo), believed that it wasn’t just night terrors. jo went to college, he stayed behind. grandparents died rip. he went to nyc where jo was and eventually met muse a and muse b when they all fell into hard drug use. almost died because of poorly cut heroin. jo died some months later. hates himself. rip. alexa, play “my heart will go on” but the recorder version.

PERSONALITY INFO:

sad boi energy

if u read thru this and didn’t think “why does she keep basing her characters off of characters from thohh” then,,, u should go watch thohh bc,,, it’s so obvious (we even over here picturing victoria pedretti as jo unless someone applies for her at some point afhsljk) hlfajdsa

has a terrible tendency to find someone to feed off of – someone to be codependent off of. without jo, he’s floundering.

is very * eyes emoji * at,,, many things. the explanation for his parents’ death? * eyes emoji * the spooks that almost everyone came up with excuses for? * eyes emoji * staying sober? * eyes emoji *

didn’t mean to start going by fluke, but started using the word to describe himself so much, it just happened organically.

i have stated before. that im bad at these sections. so feel free to j consult the zodiac / mbti / enneagram above haofuwdlijk

not rly personality but lil hc is that he goes back to that huge victorian house all the time and uses a ouija board to see if he can contact ANYONE :\ the ultimate eeyore :\

another lil hc is that he’s actually a v talented pianist. his mother sort of taught him the basics and he went on to learn classical through sheet music and schooling, then songs from rock bands/artists who incorporated keys in their music. brought the 7-octave keyboard his grandparents bought him... apparently doesn’t need it because there’s a huge piano hajfdkls

if u want 2 hear abt some of my paranormal hcs lmk i wld put them here but?? some r actually creepy (and/or involve blood) which we luv for me!!

FEARS:

rats: when he was living in that big house™, there were plenty of rat infestations. he often got those mixed up with his spooks™. there were also a lot of rats at his grandparents’ house and at his and jo’s apartment. it’s more of a general fear, but. (also... rat poison? drug abuse? symbolism.)

isolation: for an introvert, he’s really bad at being alone. for one things, he gets lonely which is very detrimental to his already fragile mental state, especially considering he’s pretty sure he’ll relapse. in addition, he’s much worse at dealing with any spooks™ that come his way when he’s completely alone. when someone else is in the room, even if he isn’t actively talking to them, at least there’s the comfort of not being alone in it all.

living the rest of his life without muse d: even if she was the one who began their drug journey, she was the only person who ever believed anything fluke said – she was the only person he ever felt actually listened to him and cared about him with no ‘if’ or ‘but’ attached. he also always found her much wiser than himself and could’ve sworn she would’ve gone to rehab after getting well with muse a one last time. she was the one who was going somewhere and she was the one who loved him unconditionally. no wonder he’s got sad boi energy :\

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

his other brother and sister! i’ll probs send in wcs for them to the main, but if you think they wld sound cool, lmk. luv that. (update!! take one of them you cowards.)

the dealer who actually dealt him quality heroin

the dealer who dealt him heroin cut with god-knows-what

someone he accidentally starts to sink with himself

exes

fwb

ons

enemies (not super great at making them, but is still able to)

the new person he’s decided to latch onto

childhood friends (if there are other salem (or at least massachussetts) characters!)

idk!! we can also look at urs and/or brainstorm!!

ok ! like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

#manor.talk #(there's a tl;dr btw ahlfsj)

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dillydedalus · 6 years ago

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what i read in march

several antigones & some other stuff

call me zebra, azareen van der vliet oloomi

oh boy. i really wanted to like this one, but uh. nah. so this book is about zebra, a young iranian-american from a lineage of ‘autodidacts, anarchists and atheists’, still traumatised by her childhood experience as a refugee (incl. her mother’s death on route). when her father dies years later, zebra decides to retrace the route of her exile thru barcelona, turkey, and back to iran. this sounds great! the beginning is good! but zebra is a quixotic figure (don quixote is unsubtly flagged as THE intertext several times), delusional about her own importance, obsessed with some kind of great literary mission and obnoxious & condescending & egotistic as all fuck (she looks down on students but treats her realisation that like, intertextuality is a thing, as this grand revelation when like..... we been knew since Lit. Theory 101) - and this is intentional & part of the quixotic thing & in general i approve of abrasive & bristly & difficult female characters BUT i expected there to be a gradual process of realisation where she sees that a) maybe her entirely male lineage of geniuses ain’t all that, c) her mission is uh.... incomprehensible. instead, once she reaches spain, she gets bogged down in endless pretentious bullshit and a #toxic relationship that takes up way too much space. knowing that all of that is likely intentional doesn’t.... make it good. also the writing is pretty overwrought for the most part & not even your narrator’s voice being Like That excuses plain bad writing, like the absurd overuse of ‘intone’ and ‘pose’ as dialogue tags. i see the potential and i see the point & i liked some of it but uh. not good. 2/5, regretfully, generously

in the distance, hernan diaz

i don’t really go for westerns or man vs wilderness stories but damn i’m impressed. despite the violence & deprivation and sheer amount of gross shit, this story of a swedish immigrant getting lost in the american west for decades remains at its core so human, so tender, so sad (honestly this book is SO SAD, yet sometimes oddly hopeful), so evocative of isolation, loneliness, and the desire for human connection. 4/5

notes on a thesis, tiphaine rivière (tr. from french)

god, if i ever considered doing a phd i sure don’t anymore. this is a short graphic novel about a young woman’s descent into academic hell while writing her dissertation about labyrinths in kafka. it’s funny, the art is expressive and fanciful, and it is incredibly relateable if you’ve ever tried to actually write your brilliant, glorious, intricately constructed argument down, battled uni administration or had a panic attack over how to phrase a harmless email to a prof. Academia: Not Even Once. 3.5/5

red mars, kim stanley robinson

this is a very long hard sci-fi novel about mars colonisation & terraforming, discussing the ethics of terraforming, the potentials of a truly ‘martian’ culture, and how capitalism will inevitably fuck everything up, including outer space. all of this is up my alley and i did really like the first half (early colonisation efforts), but the 2nd half (beginning of terraforming, lots of politicking) was a slog - i liked reading about how terraforming was going, but the rest was just bloated, scattered and confusing. also there’s a tedious love triangle the whole time. 2/5

dragon keeper (rain wild chronicles #1), robin hobb

i love robin hobb she really can write a whole 500+ page book of set-up, characterisation and politicking and make it WORK. anyway, this has disabled dragons, a quest for mystical city, lots of rain wilds weirdness, a dragon scholar in an unhappy marriage, liveships, a sweet dummy romance, and uh... a lil penpalship between two messenger bird keepers? not much happens but it’s so NICE & so much is going to happen. also althea & brashen & malta turned up & i screamed. 3.5/5

season of migration to the north, tayeb salih (tr. from arabic)

this is a seminal work of post-colonial arabic literature, a haunting tale of the impact of colonialisation, especially of cultural hegemony in the education system, the disturbing dynamics of orientalism and sex, and village life in a modernising post-colonial sudan. it’s important, it’s well-written, it’ll make you think, but fair warning, there is a lot of violence against women - it has a point but still uh... wow. 3.5/5

dune, frank herbert

SOMETIMES.... BOOKS THAT ARE CONSIDERED MASTERWORKS OF THEIR GENRE.... ARE WORSE. so much worse. the writing in this is atrocious (”his voice was charged with unspeakable adjectives”), herbert somehow manages to make court intrigue and plotting UNBELIEVABLY DULL and sure, it was the 60s, but i’m p sure people knew imperialism was bad in the 60s! the main character, the eugenically-engineered chosen one or whatever, literally spends years among the oppressed & resisting natives of a planet ruled by a space!empire and at the end he’s like ‘i own this planet bc imperialism is Good Actually’. emotionally neglecting/abusing your wife, who you (!!!) decided (!!!) to marry for political reasons bc you’d rather marry your gf is also Good Actually (cosigned by the protag’s mother....) the worldbuilding is influential for the genre, sure w/e, but mainly notable for there just.... being a lot of it, the whole mythology-science makes No Goddamn Sense, all around this is just Bad. Bad. 0.5/5 i hope the Really Big Worms eat everyone

dragon haven (rain wild chronicles #2), robin hobb

this healed my soul after toxic exposure to dune. anyway w/o spoilers: everyone is very much In Their Feelings (including me) and there’s a lot of Romance and Internal Conflict and Feelings Drama and Complicated Relationships and Group Dynamics and also dragons, which are really like very big, very haughty cats who can speak, and a flood and a living river barge with a mind of his own (love u tarman!). it’s still slow and languid but so so good. also: several people in this have to be told that People Are Gay, Steven, including Sedric, who is himself Gay People. 4/5

an unkindness of ghosts, solomon rivers

super interesting scifi story set on a generation ship with a radically stratified society in which the predominantly black lowerdeckers are oppressed and exploited by the predominantly white upperdeckers, mixed in with a lot of Gender Stuff (the lowerdeckers seem to have a much less stable and binary gender system than the upperdeckers) and neuroatypicality. it’s conceptually rich and full of potential, but just doesn’t quite stick the landing when it comes to the plot. 3/5

sanatorium under the sign of the hourglass, bruno schulz (tr. from polish)

more dreamy surreal short stories (ish?). i didn’t like this collection quite as much as the amazing street of crocodiles, but they are still really good, even tho you never quite know what is going on. featuring flights of birds, people turning into insects, thoughts about seasons and time, fireman pupae stuck in the chimney, and the continuing weird fixation on adela the maid. 3.5/5

angela merkel ist hitlers tocher, christian alt & christian schiffer

a fun & accessible guide to conspiracy theories, focusing on the current situation in germany and the current boom in conspiracy theories, but also including some historical notes. i wish it had been a bit less fun & flippant and more in-depth and detailed bc it really is quite shallow at points, but oh well. also yes the title does indeed translate to ‘angela merkel is hitler’s daughter’ so. yes. 2.5/5

the midwich cuckoos, john wyndham

fun lil scifi story in which almost all women in sleepy village midwich are suddenly pregnant, all at the same time. the resulting children, predictably, are strange, creepy, and possibly a threat to humanity. i get that it was written in the 50s but it is strange to read a book where almost all women, and only women, are affected by A Thing, but all the main characters are men & no one tells the women ‘hey we think it’s xenogenesis’ - like realistically 80% of women affected went to the Neighbourhood Lady Who Takes Care of These Things like ‘hello, one (1) abortion please’ and the plot just ended there. i still liked it tho! 3/5

antigone project

antigone, the original bitch, by sophocles (tr. by fagles)

god antigone really is That Bitch. that’s all i have to say. 4.5/5

antigone, That Bitch but in french, jean anouilh

the Nazi-occupied france antigone. loved the meta commentary on what tragedy is and how antigone has to step into the Role of Antigone, which will kill her “but there’s nothing she can do. her name is antigone and she will have to play her part through to the end”. i didn’t really like (esp. given the ~historical context) the choice to make creon much more sympathetic, trying to save antigone’s life from the beginning. hmm. 3.5/5

antigonick, anne carson

look, antigone really is That Bitch and you know what? so is anne carson. best thing i’ve read so far this year, don’t ask me about it or i’ll yell the task of the translator of antigone at you. 5/5

home fire, kamila shamsie

honestly i really wanted to like this bc politically it’s on point and an anti-islamophobia antigone sounds amazing, but it just doesn’t succeed as a book/adaption. it spends way too much time in build-up/backstory (the play’s plot only starts in the second half of the book!), waaayyy to much time on the weirdly fetishistic antigone/haimon romance, and even the most interesting characters (ismene & creon) don’t fully work out. sad. 2/5

currently reading: the magic mountain by thomas mann, but i should be done in a week or so! also: the paper menagerie by ken liu, a collection of sff short stories

#the books i read #long post

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bloojayoolie · 6 years ago

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Animals, Apparently, and Children: Shy, sweet & incredibly gentle Linda Id 65999, 3 Yrs., 77 lbs. of Love, at Manhattan ACC TO BE KILLED – 6/27/2019 *** SWEET, SHY, GENTLE ROTTIE GIRL DREAMS OF A FAMILY & LOVE *** <3 She’s big, sweet, shy, and gentle. LINDA is overwhelmed at the shelter by all the craziness there, so during her assessment, she sought comfort from the assessor, leaning in, seeking contact, seeking touch and a friendly voice. Yes, she is shy, but Rotties are not dogs meant for places like this. They are family dogs, they are thoughtful dogs, they are playful, happy, mellow companions who put a premium on giving their entire hearts to the people they love. Unfortunately, Linda is only 3 years old and her death is imminent if no one will lend her a hand. She did GREAT on here shelter assessment, and she got a wonderful BLUE rating on her behavior at medical. She just has no owner surrender notes so that we can hear about all her wonderful qualities, and all her sweetness. Will you give this girl a soft place to land? She will reward you with love, loyalty, and a tender heart. If you are an experienced foster or adopter in an adult only home (no children under age 13, please due to her shyness), hurry and message our page or email us at [email protected] for assistance saving her life. LINDA, ID# 65999, 3 Yrs. Old, 77.3 lbs, Unaltered Female Manhattan ACC, Large Mixed Breed, Black / Tan I came to the shelter as an Agency, 6/15/2019 Shelter Assessment Rating: New Hope Rescue Only Behavior Condition: 2. Blue AT RISK NOTE: Linda has shown reactive behaviors while on leash, and will need behavior modification and reward based training. Linda would be best suited for placement with a new hope partner that can provide the necessary behavior modification. Medically, Linda was diagnosed with canine infectious respiratory disease complex which is contagious to other animals and will require in home care. SHELTER ASSESSMENT SUMMARIES – DATE OF ASSESSMENT, 6/16/2019: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Mild Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Moderately social, timid Call over: Approaches with coaxing Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Seeks contact, soft Exuberant handling: Seeks contact, soft Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Follows, loose Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: No response Toy Toy comments: No interest PLAYGROUP NOTES – DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: 6/15: When introduced off leash to a male greeter dog, Linda greets with tense body. She begins to growl for lingering face to face greeting. ENERGY LEVEL:: Linda displays a medium energy level in the care center. We cannot be certain of her behavior in a new home environment though recommend daily mental and physical stimulation as a way to direct her energy and enthusiasm. IN SHELTER OBSERVATIONS:: 6/19: While walking Linda outside on leash, handlers have reported Linda to lunge at strangers as well as bicycles. She readily refocuses onto the handler with the use of treats. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: New Hope Only Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13) Recommendations comments:: No children: Linda has been a bit fearful and timid in the care center. She also has been observed lunging at strangers and bicycles while walking on leash. For these reasons we feel she may be best set up to succeed in a home without children at this time. Place with a New Hope partner: Due to the severity of the reactivity observed in the care center, we feel Linda would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can provide any necessary behavior modification (force-free, positive reinforcement-based) and re-evaluate behavior in a stable home environment before placement into a permanent home. Potential challenges: : Fearful,On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration Potential challenges comments:: Linda appears shy and timid initially though has been observed to warm up and become friendly/attention seeking. Please see handout on Decompression period. While walking Linda on leash, she has been reported to lunge/growl at strangers as well as bicycles. She readily refocuses back onto the handler with the use of treats. Please see handout on On leash reactivity/barrier frustration. MEDICAL NOTES 6/18/2019 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 3-4 years Microchip noted on Intake? Yes History : Found running around lose in Central Park. Brought in by police. Subjective: BAR Observed Behavior -Slightly timid but overall she did well. Took treats nicely. Calm throughout exam. No barking, growling, lunging, etc. Evidence of Cruelty seen -No Evidence of Trauma seen -No Objective T = P =90 bpm R =eup BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, mild wax AU, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: 1/4 tartar PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: F/I, no obvious spay scar or tattoo MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: Clean externally Assessment: Apparently healthy Prognosis: Good Plan: No tx needed at this time SURGERY: Okay for surgery 6/21/2019 S: Alert in kennel, barking at the front O: Hoarse coughing, moderate mucopurulent nasal discharge A: CIRDC P: Move to isolation -Swab for resp PCR testing -Doxycycline 350 mg PO SID x14 days -Enrofloxacin 340 mg PO SID x14 days -Cerenia 60 mg PO SID x4 days 1088 *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** LINDA IS RESCUE ONLY. You must fill out applications with New Hope Rescues to foster or adopt her. She cannot be reserved online at the ACC ARL, nor can she be direct adopted at the shelter. PLEASE HURRY AND MESSAGE OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE! HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications. Shelter contact information Phone number (212) 788-4000 Email [email protected] Shelter Addresses: Brooklyn Shelter: 2336 Linden Boulevard Brooklyn, NY 11208 Manhattan Shelter: 326 East 110 St. New York, NY 10029 Staten Island Shelter: 3139 Veterans Road West Staten Island, NY 10309 *** NEW NYC ACC RATING SYSTEM *** Level 1 Dogs with Level 1 determinations are suitable for the majority of homes. These dogs are not displaying concerning behaviors in shelter, and the owner surrender profile (where available) is positive. Level 2 Dogs with Level 2 determinations will be suitable for adopters with some previous dog experience. They will have displayed behavior in the shelter (or have owner reported behavior) that requires some training, or is simply not suitable for an adopter with minimal experience. Level 3 Dogs with Level 3 determinations will need to go to homes with experienced adopters, and the ACC strongly suggest that the adopter have prior experience with the challenges described and/or an understanding of the challenge and how to manage it safely in a home environment.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Animals #Apparently

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ibvix · 3 years ago

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#i hope may will be a peaceful month ☁️✨#Yes please including just U and I isolated from all and beginning the #secret of living a life alive and in LOVE TOTALLY PURE AND MIGHTY SOUL LOVE FOR YOU ONLY #YOU ARE SO TOTALLYTRULY LOVED CHERISHED APPRECIATED AND RESPECTED ... MISSED BEYOND WORDS ... DREAD

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cedarmoons · 6 years ago

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companion to this oneshot + @katharaya u know what u did

She takes none of his jewelry, except the heart-shaped emerald she wears around her neck; she finds Nadia’s letters to her, and Asra’s, all of them wrapped in twine. She finds the black-and-grey photograph of the three of them, taken in their youth, and the photograph of them with the children, and she slips them both between the letters.

She takes his red looped scarf, and winds it around her shoulders, lifting it to cover her hair as well.

She makes other basic preparations, and then she leaves Vesuvia. She returns to the Waste.

Korra comes to her in dreams, the first night she spends alone. She is forty-seven, with streaks of grey in her hair, and Ziah feels sick. She still remembers the day she had met her first daughter, when she had been young and prideful and young.

And now, she is twenty years older than Ziah looks.

“Where’s dama?” Korra asks. “He’s not answering when I reach for him—”

Ziah breaks the dream, and wakes with tears on her face. She restarts the campfire she had huddled beside, and reads Asra and Nadia’s letters collected over the years, holding the emerald in her palm. It is warm, and though Asra’s magic had faded long ago, the feel of it is still a comfort.

I’ll be lonely until the next time I can wake up next to you two, Asra had written, ages ago. She remembers the weight of Nadia’s arms around her as they had read the postcard in their bed. She remembers Nadia kissing her shoulder, smiling against her cheek.

Be back soon.

She does not even notice she is crying until the first tear falls and smears the ink. “No,” she gasps, and bends the water out of the card, but it is too late. The old ink is lost. “No,” she whispers, wiping at her face with the scarf. “Please...”

I’ll be lonely until the next time I can wake up nex Be

“Please,” she whispers, but whatever rules over the universe does not hear her; the ink remains marred.

She puts away the letters, and weeps, and stays up the entire night so she will not have to face the daunting task of justifying herself to her ageing children. She has lost the two halves of her heart; only a hole had been left behind, and she knows that abyss will only widen with every strand of silver she sees in her children’s hair.

They catch onto her strategy, soon enough.

“Please come back,” Yosef asks her when she falls asleep at dawn, sitting with her with their feet dangling in the garden’s pool, as they had done when he was young and wanted to escape the chaos of the house. “Mama, we’re not mad you didn’t tell us. We just want you back. We’re all in Vesuvia, we want—”

She breaks the dream.

When she tries sleeping in the afternoon, Lizbet is there with her, in the garden she had crafted from her room, Mango chirping on her shoulder.

“Mom,” Lizbet worries, peering around the fronds of her fern. “Mom, where are you? Pepper’s grown now, she can take me and Blaise and we can come get you, please. Please, Dama wouldn’t want you isolating yourself—”

Ziah cannot stop her tears, then, and her grief rends the dream apart. But it is not until her fourth day traveling to the Waste, when she encounters a dream-remnant of Asra, that the grief stems into something decidedly more numb.

“Whoever has summoned you,” she tells the fragment, “is very cruel.”

It smiles at her, cheeks dimpling; its lepidolite eyes are clear, unclouded by cataracts, and its hands are steady and warm when it cups her face and wipes away her tears.

“You are five days dead,” she says. “Let me grieve in peace.” Her voice breaks. “Please.”

“Not if it means you’ll be alone,” it says. The sound of his voice, warm and affectionate and soft, is enough to make her turn away. She presses her hand to her mouth, biting down on her wrist to muffle her keening wail, and squeezes her eyes shut.

She smells jasmine and lavender behind her, and her body shakes, knees nearly giving out. No, she thinks, desperately, and when she squeezes her eyes shut she feels hot tears run down her face, hugging the curve of her jaw.

“Ziah,” she says, gently, and she breaks. She collapses, legs too weak to stand upon, and Nadia catches her, lowering them both to the floor as Asra kneels beside them, arms tight around them both.

She cannot endure it.

“You are cruel,” she gasps out, as Asra and Nadia hold her between them. “Enough! Leave me in peace!”

The dream melts away, and she wakes in tears, unable to control her grief until hours past the sunrise. When she calms, she rubs at her sore eyes and summons water from the dirt, calling one of her children.

It is Korra who answers, and the water is clear enough that Ziah can see the age lines between her brows, at the corners of her eyes, around her mouth. “Mom, thank the gods—” she starts.

“I do not know who was responsible for that dream,” Ziah says, thankful that her voice is steady, “but we did not raise you to be cruel. Leave me in peace. All of you. I want to be alone.”

“Arianna’s pregnant,” Korra blurts, before Ziah cuts off the message. That stays her hand, and she looks away, out over the savanna that is slowly becoming desert with every mile she travels east. “I just... I just wanted you to know. She’s gonna name them after Dama.”

An Asra, to match a Nadia. She remembers the news—Evander’s second daughter, their fourth grandchild, Asra insisting they travel all the way to where he had been stationed in Drakr so they could meet little Nadi.

We’re grandparents, Mizi. She remembers how he’d laughed, in the midst of cleaning his spectacles with his shirt. Can you believe it?

Ziah splashes the water, breaking the connection.

Lina is—delighted is not the right word. Pleasantly surprised. Lina is pleasantly surprised to see her again.

She allows Ziah to take up her old rooms by the oasis she had brought forth from the desert, rooms that have nothing but a makeshift bed crafted out of scarab chitin and phoenix pelts.

Ziah does not know what it is—whether Tiamat’s absence, or the shroud of grief that clings to her shoulders and radiates from her body in waves—but Lina leaves her alone, this time.

Her dreams are peaceful.

She does not know how long she is in the desert. Time slips away. She is empty, and more and more often she fills her dreams with memories of Asra and Nadia and both. She spends her days reading their letters (Nadia’s elegant script, Your presence lights up even the darkest of places, and Asra’s simple scrawl, I’d cross all the seas to get back to you) or sleeping.

Her dead heart beats, but she does not feel anything except grief and emptiness.

Korra contacts her, once. Her hair is more gray than black, and Ziah cannot look at her because of it.

“Evander’s dead,” she says. “There was an accident.”

Ziah says nothing.

“Asra’s turning two in a few months. We’d love it if you could come.”

Ziah says nothing.

“Mom.” Korra’s voice breaks. “Please come home.”

Ziah says nothing. This time, it is Korra who breaks the dream. When Ziah blinks open her sore, sleep-crusted eyes, she finds the black-and-white photograph of them all—Nadia, Asra, their fourteen children. She finds Evander, standing beside Nadia with Nadia’s hand on his shoulder, and stares at his face the entire day.

Slowly, she begins to reshape her dreams, so that the memories include Evander as well. But when she wakes and faces the day, her thoughts grow more and more consumed with the ocean. Even here, in the desert, the sea beckons to her, pulling upon the foreign immortal soul within her own.

She gives herself to her dreams and to her longing for the sea, and pays no mind to the time that slips through her fingers like sand.

She dreams of the desert, of shifting sands and silver dunes. She dreams of walking down an onyx road, one that will lead her back to the waves, where she should have died long ago.

“Wait!” an achingly familiar voice calls. She turns, and there Asra is—dressed in strange clothes, but unmistakably him, not some phantom constructed from the annals of her mind. She can feel his aura, something she has not sensed in years, decades, and it startles her so badly it shakes her out of the dream.

The next night, she has the same dream, and she does not know what to make of it. But it does something strange: it makes her heart beat anew.

Blaise comes to the Waste the day Ziah decides to return to the sea. Pepper carries them straight to the palace, and Lina threatens to kill them both for their presumption, but Pepper lifts her golden-orange wings and roars right in Lina’s face. Ziah explains, and Lina begrudgingly returns to the palace, sighing oh, all right, you two have your fun.

Blaise does not look any older than twenty-five, and Ziah’s breath catches in her throat. She looks at Blaise’s chest, reaching out with her magic, and there—a sliver of Pepper’s soul, young and vibrant, fresh where Tiamat’s is shriveled within her.

“How long?” she asks, quietly.

“Auroth taught her,” Blaise says, resting their hand on Pepper’s massive flank. Pepper lowers her head, her snout taller than Ziah herself, and Ziah rests a hand between her nostrils, remembering the day she’d hatched. Beside her, Blaise says, “I’ve been twenty-five for a hundred and thirty-two years.”

Ziah closes her eyes.

“Mom,” Blaise says, “the world’s a lot different than when you left. But if you want to go back, I’m here to bring you home.”

Ziah thinks of Asra, calling wait!, the desperation in his voice. She closes her eyes. She breathes, and lets her heart feel hope. “Yes,” she says.

She dreams of Asra a third time, and this time, she lets him reach her. He crashes into her, pulls her off of the road that leads to the sea, and they kneel in sand that turns to meadow.

She is weeping, but she does not feel her tears; she touches Asra’s cheek, as he stares at her in wide-eyed bewilderment and relief, and she says, “Thank you, sweet. Thank you for bringing me back. I will find you, I promise.”

Vesuvia’s palatial gardens have been transformed into a public park. She does not know what to make of the new world that awaits her, one that roars at night and day both, one where the city’s lights are so bright she sometimes thinks it is daylight.

But the willow tree remains, as does her name, worn smooth by time.

She sits under the willow tree, reading old letters and staring at old photographs, and it is there he finds her. She looks at him, and though she cannot breathe, she is for the first time in a hundred years aware of her own heartbeat.

There you are, she wants to say. I’ve missed you so much.

“Hi,” he says, and offers her a smile, just as he had in a different lifetime. “It’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it?”

#the arcana #katharya dedicated some HEARTBREAKing nadia fic to me #and so i had to return the favor ofc #i feel like i brought a nuke to a fistfight but #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#ziah #asra x mc #fic #kidfic rp verse

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aquarian-sunchild · 6 years ago

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Hello please look in this direction

I haven’t written in thirty-seven years so today I sat down and wrote about the world I build in my head when I’m bored...which is often haha.

I tried figuring out map-making programs and I am so bewildered by them. Instead I wrote this sort of historical timeline of the setting in the style of Bill Wurtz’s history videos.

It’s probably not entirely logical or whatever, but I’ve tried my best. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. I might post this on r/worldbuilding. I dunno.

Okay, so I’m focusing on four major countries/cultures in my world-building.

Imagine a map because I can’t figure out map generator sites to save my life. Taking up most of the space in the southeast quadrant of the map is the empire of Kaleem. Centuries ago, Kaleem didn’t exist. There wasn’t much on this particular continent save for some tightly-knit tribes of hunters and gatherers following their food across vast savannahs. Water was very hard to find. Enter Kaleem the First (who I promise will have a cooler name once I start figuring out conlangs for this world). He’s restless. And he has visions of water.

“Hey” says Kaleem to his tribe. “Anyone want to follow me to the flying water I see in my dreams?”

“Wow, no.” says most of his tribe. “That’s weird. You’re weird. Get lost.”

So that’s exactly what Kaleem did. He gathered up his wives, children and some curious hangers-on and immediately got lost in the savannah. But just as he’s down to his last wife and things are at the worst 🎶 OH MY GOD A GEYSER 🎶 . At least, modern science would say it was a geyser. Kaleem called it ‘the flying water I saw in my visions’...which thankfully became ‘Fountain of Kaleem’ for short. Kaleem and whoever is left settle around the fountain and a community begins to form (yeah there were probably some knotted-up family trees back then but this is very early human history for this world so people didn’t understand that yet so shhhh). The community becomes a settlement and becomes a city.

“Hey.” says the tribespeople who earlier called Kaleem a weirdo. “We’re kinda dying and you’re kinda not. Can we like, chill here?” “Okay” says Kaleem who is now king because he found the place and that’s how things work. The empire of Kaleem flourishes throughout the southern continent. They’re the most prosperous and advanced civilization on the map, and it’s rumored elsewhere that they eat gold.

Ilshe is an archipelago in the northeast corner of the map. Being an island nation, they’re kinda isolated and have their own traditions that others may consider WEIRD or BARBARIC or MILDLY CANNIBALISTIC but whatever half the world doesn’t know they exist so they can do whatever they want. This includes intimidating other Ilshe tribes into submission by eating their chiefs, which is exactly what Míras and his warriors did to centralize power around his particular island and tribe. Hey, it put an end to all the in-fighting for pretty much...forever. 📣Go big or go home.📣 Ilshe kinda looks like a cartoon character’s hand, with a giant island in the middle surrounded by four (maybe five I haven’t decided) smaller islands. NO ONE LIVES ON THE BIG ISLAND BECAUSE THAT IS THE ISLAND OF SOULS WHERE BODIES ARE DROPPED OFF AS OFFERINGS TO THE GUARDIANS OF THE AFTERWORLD WHO TAKE THE FORM OF HUGE CARRION BIRDS OM NOM NOM 🍖BONE ARMS AND TEETH🍖. Ever hear of a Tibetan sky burial? Go google it. It’s fascinating. And gross. It's "gross-cinating"! So now that power is centralized in Ilshe things are pretty chill and aside from butchering for food and animal sacrifices for sacred days things aren’t purposefully killed as often anymore. You could say it’s pretty peaceful, in a genuinely morbid sort of way.

Then there’s this asshole mainland nation to the East of Ilshe called Statsukar. “Hey, that empire-building thing down south looks like fun.” say the leaders of Statsukar. “Let’s try it. How about those island weirdos up there? They’re not even doing anything. This should be easy.” So they set sail for Ilshe with a few hundred warriors and attempt an invasion. It does not go well. One boat returns with a few dozen dazed soldiers and what’s left of the king of Statsukar’s remains tied to the prow. “Soooo...they ate our king. Can we like, leave them alone?”

“Holy fucking shit.” says Statsukar. And they leave Ilshe the hell alone. Because holy fucking shit.

But now there’s no king. And he’s left behind teenage twins, Roga and Annar. Now it’s time to play “Who Wants to Lead Statsukar?” so text those votes to--actually don’t text those votes anywhere because cell phones don’t exist here. Roga wants to strengthen Statsukar’s military after the humiliating defeat by Ilshe. Annar just...doesn’t. Ae just doesn’t and I just realized I haven’t mentioned the existence of a third gender with different pronouns in this universe yet but I guess now I have so wahey. Annar wants to use Kaleem as a model for Statsukar and focus on STUDY📖 and INCREASE OF CAPITAL📈 and 🏥GENERAL WELL-BEING OF THE PEOPLE OF- “No that’s stupid we need firearms and shit.” says Roga.

🎹🎶 IT’S TIME FOR A CIVIL WAR.🎶🎹

And the winner is....🥁🥁🥁 🎺 Nobody, nobody is the winner. Statsukar no longer exists; it’s now Rogakar and Annakar and you will never guess why. But the loser is clearly Annakar, as they lose their sea border that would connect them with Kaleem just as this cool new concept of INTERNATIONAL TRADE💰is catching on (even with the cannibal island Ilshe, who have now sort of chilled out on the brutal tribalism thing [or have they?] and are making a name for themselves as a hub of maritime trade). So now Annakar is essentially cut off from the developing world, their financial prospects are down the tubes and HEY is that a crop-destroying drought? It’s a crop-destroying drought! YAAAAY--Wait no that’s actually pretty bad.

This of course leads to famine and a refugee crisis and there’s more in my head that I could put down but I am le tired and just blinded myself with a stupid light therapy thing so BYE.

#world building #writing #my writing

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jolie-guerrier · 4 years ago

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British Prime Minister Gambling's Latest Antichrist? Oh Please

As a journalist with respected website Poker Pages and co-presenter of a display on Holdem Radio, Amy Calistri is virtually no mug however her current assessment of Gordon Brown's U-turn on supercasinos indicates that she is aware of Vegas rather higher than she does the shires of Britain cach tinh lo de mien nam One of Prime Minister Brown's first acts upon succeeding Tony Blair ultimate month turned into to correctly consign to the scrapheap the Labour authorities's proposals for a wave of British supercasinos. In Ms Calistri's eyes, this places the Scotsman firmly alongside US Senator Bill Frist in the playing corridor of shame. Frist it turned into who drove the debatable Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act into life in 2006, correctly imposing a ban upon on-line poker.

"The UK has its very own gambling Dark Ages' poster boy..." Calistri rages in a Poker News article on July twenty fourth. "The UK's gaming reform experiment was seven years inside the making and became poised to be an interesting counterpoint to modern US policy. But what took seven years to plot took one guy only 4 months to resolve. And in that context, the United Kingdom's gaming policy revel in is beginning to replicate our own; the workout of 1 guy's will." At least Calistri sets out her own schedule early within the report, mentioning that, pre-Brown, "The global envy of US playing minded residents and loose market philosophers was heightened through the United Kingdom's apparent rational reaction to on line gaming; looking for to legislate and regulate the terrain." Okay, so in case you're a laissez-faire capitalist, Brown's intervention is heavy-passed and regrettable. People far greater qualified than me in economics, however, could debate both aspects of the unfastened market hot potato all night.

Where Calistri simply wanders from truth, however, is in lumping Brown together with Frist as the villains of the piece and painting a image of the British Premier as a dinosaur out of step with the Society around him.

Amy, you need to visit Britain for a while. If I inform you that protecting my u . S . A .'s present day Government comes as without problems to me as advocating the abolition of Christmas, you may get an idea of how extensive of the mark I think you have got strayed.

Far from Gordon Brown isolating himself with his decision to sideline the supercasinos, I doubt that there was any better way he should have ingratiated himself along with his electorate. The simplest humans captivated with the casino growth within the UK were people who stood to pocket maximum of the income. Even as online gambling booms this side of the Atlantic, the impetus for supercasinos right here has been generated solely by way of Labour politicians, disturbing to ingratiate their celebration with all people with money to spend, regardless of how it is able to be generated.

We have already got modest however successful casinos inside the UK, you notice, along side criminal sportsbooks ('bookmakers', we decide upon to name them in Britain) and felony online gaming. So properly catered for are we, indeed, that the most effective issue that comes close to irking your regular Brit gambler proper now is the prison minefield he enters with the aid of gambling poker in his local bar. Even there, compromise is being reached and development made.

So with their playing urges already sorted, there has in no way been any high-quality clamour for supercasinos amongst Britons. On the contrary, in fact. At coronary heart, most of the people this side of the Pond, I suspect, sense extra cozy with playing as a sideline activity in our cities than as one of the cornerstones of that buzz phrase 'urban regeneration'.

Forgive us if we're cynical in the direction of the perception of towns being revitalised with the aid of playing. It's just that we read about protest marches in Macau, whose own casino boom has supposed difficulty for the poorer sections of the populace, who locate rents and property costs spiralling beyond their way. Or is not 'regeneration' intended to use to them?

Then we read the censure of Louisiana's civic leaders inside the leader column of a neighborhood newspaper, when they too sought the 'regeneration' dollar:

"Louisiana officers frittered away the Nineteen Nineties by means of specializing in expansion of diverse styles of playing as a therapy for Louisiana's monetary woes. Alas, playing has now not delivered the promised pot of gold on the quit of the rainbow, and Louisiana keeps to lag tons of the united states in economic development. "Louisiana could be tons higher off today if we had spent the beyond decade taking note of more fundamental reforms to develop enterprise, which includes investing in training, reforming our tax laws, streamlining state government and dramatically tightening our ethics code."

We examine, we contemplate and we suppose "no thanks". In our Old Country gamblers' hearts, we realize that even as Las Vegas may call us like Mecca, it isn't dubbed 'Sin City' for nothing - "the flashiest, blackest hollow inside the universe," poker blogger Pauly calls it. When its promoters inform us that there is only one Vegas, we utter a subconscious 'Amen'. All Gordon Brown has performed is trap this temper and supply it voice; some thing of which his wretched predecessor (yes, America: you have him totally incorrect, too) become singularly incapable.

He has not piggy-backed sick-conceived rules on the shoulders of port security measures he knew were guaranteed safe passage. He has not ushered in his whims under the nostril of a snoozing nation within the dead of night time. He could no longer have us accept as true with that whilst a few varieties of online gambling are the paintings of Satan, others - which simply show up to be followed via lobbying muscle or the whiff of vested pursuits - are as natural as the pushed snow.

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ibvix · 3 years ago

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WHILST PATHS MAY BE DIVERTED OR EVEN EVOLVE INTO NEW ROADS NEVER TRAVERSED, THE ULTIMATE OBJECTIVE, THE END GOAL, REMAINS CONSTANT AND FIXED !!!

(NB. How do you find the path difference? ... The general formula for destructive interference due to a path difference is given by δ = (m + 1/2) λ / n where n is the index of refraction of the medium in which the wave is traveling, λ is the wavelength, δ is the path difference and m = 0, 1, 2, 3 ....)

different path

#i miss you so fucking much #we're on the same wavelength ... i love you so ... why are you waiting ??? or alternatively what are you waiting for ???#ARE WE NOT WIPING OLD PARADIGMS WELL OUTDATED AND CLEARLY FAILURES #AND BEGIN LIVING LIFE ALIVE #every facet of my mind body soul so of course naturally i desire want need interested in all aspects of your life ... breathing thoughts #poor whittle beautiful baby ... were we together #WE CAN DO IT ALL TOGETHER !!! BUT FIRST WE MUST SHARE BEYOND THE PERFUNCTORY #never do i wish to be apart from you ... my life force #NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE THAT ALL THE WORDS LOVE PASSION DEVOTION INTIMACY DESIRE EMOTION ARE MY TRUTH AND NOT ONE OF MY WORDS TO YOU #see i was right everyone else but me has access to my beloved betrothed you ... but me ... you are so totallytruly loved cherished #NOT ONE WORD HAS EVER BEEN PERFUNCTORY ... TRUTH AND TRUST #yes please including just u and i isolated from all and beginning the #you are my beautiful baby sexy genius and you are really fucking hot yummies #YOU ARE WUVED BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION !!!

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caeleighsims · 5 years ago

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FINAL SCRIPT

(signs to direct him to the room)

Sign on the door (studio sign?)

Name plackets on the table for each “expert”

Cheesy music playing

2. Roll intro to our “show”

Rebeccas’s welcome

“Hi, hello and welcome back to your annual transmission of Good Morning, AMFI. My name is Rebecca and I'll get this show on the road! I am very happy to welcome all of you and very excited to announce that today‘s talk is about ... Fabulous Fashion Mags!

Aren’t you sick and tired of buying the same old glossy magazines? Of seeing the same covers, photoshoots, brands and even models all the damn time?

Well, we are! Today in the house, live, on screen and in color: representatives of this year’s issue of GARMENT! If you don't know Garment Magazine, it’s time to get an editorial update! The magazine is annually relaunched, honoring a single garment at a time. This issue treats SCARVES as royalty from the cover 'til the very end. Next to the representatives of Garment, we have a special guest over today.

“My sources tell me, that this year's issue is, next to the scarf, all about wittiness and having fun! The status quo is questioned, humor is used as coping mechanism, and the content is putting boring stereotypes into a new spotlight.. Sounds fun, right?

But before we dive into details, I’d like to welcome our panel of Garmenteers!

Please put your hands together for Xenia, the Editor in Chief, Milembe, who makes sure the magazine is printed to perfection! And Caeleigh, curator of all the knee-slapping content found on Garment’s Social Media!”

PAUZE & APPLAUSE

***Xenia, Milembe, Caeleigh enter***

So Xenia, welcome, you are joining us on screen because you are managing the entire magazine from another part of the globe! ** XENIAS SAYS HELLO** As I mentioned every generation of the magazine revolves around one garment. This year you chose the scarf, an interesting choice if you ask me...what made the scarf the perfect garment for the 2020 issue??”

Xenia: “Even though you might think the scarf is one of the simplest garments that exists, it is actually incredibly versatile. Tell me, do you know of any other garment that you can wear around your neck, on your head, around your waist… literally anywhere. Next to its versatility, the scarf is also a great carrier of meaning. It is basically a fashionable, wearable banner. A scarf communicates, whether this is cultural, religious or empowering matters. A scarf can literally say it all! Besides that, the scarf has been the hottest topic on the catwalks this season, haven”t you seen?”

Rebecca: “I see. So, the scarf can actually send out powerful messages. I understand that your message to the readers is to question the status quo, while having fun. How did you find this approach, and how did you translate the ‘having fun’ part of the brand?”

Xenia: Aren’t we all tired of the humdrum and monotony we are fed by typical glossy magazines? We wanted a fresh take and make it entertaining! By doing this we want to challenge the reader and create awareness among them so they can recognize the stereotypes themselves, and think about how we can do it differently. How are we making sure there’s fun involved? I’ve got one magic word…PARODY. We are playing with the exaggeration of stereotypes, we make them absurd and hilarious. So while having a laugh, we make you wonder: Why are all these ridiculous clichés the norm for magazines at the moment? And why don’t we play around with it more often instead of staying stuck on the same content all the time?”

Rebecca: “I like that! But why do you think we need this now? What makes it so…2020?”

Xenia: “Have you been on social media at all? Hahahaha. When COVID-19 broke out the only thing I saw on there were all these memes about our ridiculous behavior. Even though you might think it’s risky to make fun of a situation like that, I am sure we all secretly laughed. And it actually made me reconsider our behavior. I realized that I don’t actually need to stack up on toilet paper, it’s just straight up absurd! I think that especially now, in times of meme-culture, our target group needs a dose of humor in order to cope with and challenge the crazy, stereotypical ideas that are out there. So yes, I think our magazine concept is very 2020!”

Rebecca: “An interesting outlook, very in line with the Zeitgeist. You made a comment about COVID-19. You’re creating and printing a magazine in times of isolation and social distancing, while the whole team is sprinkled all over the globe! How has this affected your way of working?”

Xenia: “Obviously it was a little, WELL, no, actually very, different from what we expected, but we made the best out of it!! I see the whole team on the screen and communicate via digital platforms, although quite unfamiliar at the beginning, worked out well for us. I would like to give out a special thanks to the team for adapting that fast, since it can be hard communicating when we don’t get to see each other physically. Next to communication, of course, there were some difficulties with getting productions done, such as photoshoots and interviews. But we managed to create all content within the safety measurements made by the Dutch Government.”

Rebecca: “That is great to hear! I can imagine it was a struggle delivering a magazine with all its expected photoshoots, interviews, and content which needs field research in general.

Speaking of photoshoots: As we know, the major names in the magazine world, such as Vogue, Elle and Harper’s have their editorials filled with well-known brands, which - spoiler alert - are also their biggest sponsors. I assume that you guys did this differently and that you carefully chose which brands to include in the magazine, am I right?”

Xenia: “Yes, definitely. The fashion in the magazine obviously mostly features AMFI Designers. Besides that, we decided to support young and conscious designers, brands that are commonly seen as ‘unconventional’, vintage clothing and of course some digital fashion! “

Rebecca: “I’m excited to see all the brands and designs in the magazine! One thing makes me curious, how was the process of finding AMFI designers for collaborations?”

Xenia: “It was a struggle sometimes, as we wanted to include current designs and many of the designers weren’t in Amsterdam for us to borrow their creations. On top of that, most of them were pre-occupied with their own Corona worries. However, with helping hands from all departments we were able to reach a good number of designers and used their designs for our shoots and cover.”

Rebecca: “I think it is truly amazing what you guys have managed to create in such wild times. Now, I have been asking myself, Milembe: how on earth do you get a magazine printed during quarantine?”

Milembe: “It sure has been a lot of phone calls and discussions with different print shops. But all is looking good, and our pre-sales are rising daily!”

Rebecca: “Where can I buy mine? It truly sounds like a worthwhile investment, which is important because we are killing trees for it after all. Sustainability is an ever-present topic, and you guys have been taking this very seriously, am I right?

Milembe: “You can buy the magazine with one of our students or at Athenaeum Boekhandel. We also have a distributor who makes sure the magazine is sold in stores all over Europe.

Sustainability is very important to us indeed. That's why we chose a sustainable printer. They print with sustainable ink, we chose recycled paper and the printer is CO2 neutral. They invest in planting new forests as well. So yeah, I think it’s fair to say that we are trying to take eco-friendly to the next level!”

Rebecca: “Now I don’t know about you, but these experts got me really excited to see this magazine! I think it’s time to stop the talking and start seeing what it looks like! Xenia, I’ll pass the mic onto you, and let’s have a look into this mag!”

6. Xenia walks through the plank

PLEASE FILL IN

8. Explanation of social (ask questions to Caeleigh)

Rebecca: “Well that was very exciting, I can’t wait to get mine delivered! But before it comes to that, I can enjoy all the content you are showing on your social channels! Because yes, Garment has been very active on social media, and dear viewers if u are not following them I strongly advise you do so.

This morning before coming here, I actually did some serious stalking online. When I took a look at the Instagram account of Garment magazine I found all the wit, the fun and the parody representing your magazine. You really got me with the memes, the ironically long list of hashtags and your interactive and surprising stories. I was laughing out loud and tagged all my friends instantly!

So Caeleigh, as the mastermind behind all these productions, can you start with telling me something about all the different social platforms you’re using?

Caeleigh: “As of now we have mainly been active on Instagram. And by posting daily, uploading frequent stories, using hashtags, and creating content that that encourages interaction and reposting, we have managed to steadily grow our following. Other than that, we will soon be making use of IGTV, and posting more frequently on Facebook once we start uploading articles and content onto our website… which just went live today!

Rebecca: “I can imagine it takes a lot of creativity to make all posts for these platforms. How do you come up with the designs for social, the images, the captions, the memes, the gifs and all? In other words, how are you translating the magazine to online?”

Caeleigh: “I think the most important thing for us has been to pay very close attention to the magazine development in the workshops. And we also have people from image, design and text on the Social team that provide great insight into each department. We always use the same colours, fonts, graphic elements and tone of voice to keep it all within the brand. And the magazine has even taken on a couple of ideas of ours as well. Like a horoscopes spread, for example. And finally, every post we upload is either discussed in the workshops, or sent to Xenia and the other leads for approval before going live.”

Rebecca: “It is really great to see how everything comes together like that, giving us a holistic idea of your brand identity. Now I don’t want to spoil things, but I heard some rumors about a Garment reality show… That would definitely be something I have never seen with Garment before!”

Caeleigh: “Yes! definitely something new for us... which is really exciting. We were brainstorming ideas on how we could make our viewers more invested in the process that goes on behind the scenes of Garment Magazine. And instead of just showing snippets of content here and there, we came up with the idea to create a whole storyline for people to follow along, where we introduce them to all the jobs on an editorial team and their role within the company. We decided to embrace the idea of parodying reality television, playing into the tropes of what people consider "fashion people" to be like. Again, inviting our viewers to laugh at the exaggeration of these stereotypes and question how or why they exist.”

Rebecca: “I can’t wait for this!!! How often will it be produced and where can I check it out?”

Caeleigh: “So, we will be filming on June 8, with a crew of 6 actors, a director and a cameraman. We're also getting help from an editor in Toronto. But the bottom line is, you should all expect to see 5 episodes posted bi-weekly, with the last one airing at our launch!”

Rebecca: “A launch event? During quarantine? What can I expect this to look like?!”

Caeleigh: “It's definitely going to be unlike the launches from past years. At first, we bounced back and forth between a couple of online ideas, but since this quarantine has dragged on for so long we've noticed that people are getting really tired of just staring at their screens all day. Now that the laws regarding social distancing have become more lenient, we're planning to use this to our advantage and plan a very small pop-up event. The idea is for it is to be a maze-like event, almost like an art installation, where each section or room is a different theme, in line with the magazine. Expect to see parodies of cliches found at award shows, articles in the magazine brought to life, and an over-the-top Tell-Sell booth at the end where you can purchase your own copy of Garment. Obviously, we'll stay in contact with the RIVM to make sure the protocol is followed properly at all times and people are safe.

Rebecca: “This all sounds very promising, but quite difficult to handle all by yourself. Will you make use of any sponsors or partners?”

Caeleigh: “Yes, of course. We already have our location sponsored, as they are willing to offer a very significant discount on the space. Next to that we've been reaching out to Dutch beverage companies to see if they would be willing to sponsor our event as well. We only just changed the whole launch plan last week, but there's been an impressive amount of progress made already.”

Rebecca: “Thank you Caeleigh, looks like you’ve got it all figured out. Please keep posting and please make sure to send me an invite for the event!”

9. Go over to Milembe

Rebecca: “So, I would like to move over to this lovely lady, the queen of print, Milembe! I understand Garment is quite a big production. Can you tell me precisely how many magazines will be printed?”

Milembe: “We'll print 1250 magazines to be precise. Last year a number of 1500 were printed but quite a lot were left over. Selling this year will be a lot more difficult than last year because of these weird times. This is why we decided that it would be good to slightly reduce the copy count, also keeping sustainability and less waste in mind.”

Rebecca: “Good number! I would definitely be able to get my hands on one of these gems. Right?”

Milembe: “Pre-sales continue to rise despite the extenuating circumstances”

Rebecca: “Wow, that’s great!!! Must help in financing the print, but how else are you handling the finances for the production? Maybe you can give our special guest Dirk a closer look into this?”

*** Milembe hands over the financial overview and shortly explains to Dirk what he can find inside this document ***

10. Sign off “thanks for tuning in / Questions

Rebecca: “Now that we’ve seen every inch of Garment’s scarf issue. From concept, to social media, to finances, I would like to thank you all for joining in. Especially our team of experts and our VIP Dirk! I can’t wait to see the end-product and I hope we got you excited as well! In case our special guest or the audience have any questions, now is the time to ask!”

#redgreen

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