#I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOVE AND ONLY TRUE LONINESS !!)

[ibvix]

I miss you so fucking much !!!

I really want to die !!! ... No friends ... The truth of the matter is You were my inspiration

Show your vulnerability 

[ssquared2018]

First New Years Kiss

------Ney Years Eve---

Ben: Don't tell me you guys have never experienced a New Years kiss.

Mal: A what?

Chad: New Years kiss. When the ball drops on midnight you kiss the nearest babe.

Ben: ACtually. You're suppose to kiss the person you want to spend the new year with. Supposedly it brings good luck and a happy and healthy relationship.

Carlos: That sounds extremely unlikely. There is no way to kiss someone on the exact millisecond that would be midnight. So therefore your kissing that person after midnight which means the kiss wouldn't work anyway, so it's honestly pointless.

Evie: It still sounds cute. Wanting to be with someone so much that you want to believe there is some type of luck on your side.

Carlos: I'm not saying its not cute. All I'm saying is it doesn't seem likely to work.

Jay: But that's part of it. Wanting to believe that you and the person you love were one of the luck few to hit the midnight mark. That you are meant to be together so much that even the universe is rooting for you.

Everyone: *looks at Jay* ???

Jay: What!? I have a heart. And besides it was an obvious observation.

------Later that night at a New Years party---------

Ben: FIVE MINUTES TIL MIDNIGHT.

Jay sees Carlos outside leaning over the rail on the balcony looking out into the night.

Jay: Whatcha' doing out here, C?

Carlos: There's no point in standing there watching all my friends kiss each other. Mine as well watch the fire works. *he shrugs*

Jay: Well there's only *checks phone* 3 minutes left til mid night. Mind if i join you?

Carlos: Sure. But shouldn't you be with Loni?

Jay: *leans on the rail next to Carlos also looking out into the sky* She's not who I want to kiss at mid night, and from what I can tell the person i want to kiss doesn't want anything to do with tonight.

Carlos: That's surprising. Who wouldn't want to kiss you tonight. Especially if that stupid stuff Ben was. Telling us is true.

Clock: 11:58:26pm

Jay: Doesn't look like you would.

Carlos: *looks up a Jay* What are you saying?

Jay: *meeting his eye contact* Ca- can I kiss you?

Carlos: Please.

With one hand on Carlos' waist and the other lightly on his chin, Jay connects their lips.

Clock: 12:00:00am

[hennythejetsmith]

Window Part Two

To just float, free of captivity, no restraints, just to fly around & taste the myriad of flowers in the world before the last grain of sand drops in their hourglass; it must be nice. Is that the moon still in the sky? It makes sense, probably just an image reflecting off the sun.

           A forlorn sigh came from the moon, unbeknownst to Shawn obviously.

The neighbors seem to be in an excellent mood. I should be too; the only damper is that I must work on this otherwise perfect day. I should turn on some music & take in this weather.

           Reaching into his pocket, he noticed that there was one unread message. An unsaved number he did not recognize, but he assumed his boss changed numbers.

           “Hey, I got a new number last week or so, but can you come in early to help? We’re understaffed & could use your help?”

I don’t have much else to do really. I can use the extra money too. Fuck it. I have all summer.

Shawn found himself now retreating to his home to grab a black shirt & black pair of slacks with dress shoes to match. Not concerned with who sent the message, he ran back out & headed to the closest bus stop. He arrived at the corner of his neighborhood & the main street to find the bus was just pulling up to a red light.

           “Perfect.” He thought.

Shawn felt himself enmeshed with the seat as Summer Madness blasted through his AirPods. The bus ride was about 15 minutes, but he kept Kool & The Gang on repeat, they were a favorite of his. He tipped his hat to the driver as he walked off the bus & stepped into this small diner called Loni’s. It doubled as a restaurant/bar toward the latter part of the evening, reason behind the all black dress code. That, or Shawn just preferred the slim appearance it gave him. He noticed no one inside as he approached the door; something was a bit off. He could smell the first morning brew, not to his surprise, as he walked further in. A host always greeted him at the door. No longer could he hear the city rumblings as he looks inside the red & black checkerboard-colored booths. Getting nervous, he picks up his pace & almost stumbled over his favorite arcade game next to the bathroom doors.

           “We are back here Shawn.”

 We?

                               _______________________________________________

   We sat in the field with our basket of peaches & strawberries that summer. Her teeth glimmered like nothing I had ever seen before. Her laugh was more infectious than anything I had ever experienced. Rue the days I drug my feet before being lifted by just the sound of her voice. Love was nothing but some rumored whore used & abused that would not even consider me suitable for even a crass “aye come here.” I was deeply misled & I pray I never to be punished for my faulty assumption. She is angelic, delicate, unfathomable, once thought to be distant & intangible, but now, my Ana.

 Ana rest her head in Shawn’s lap as God’s paintbrush inked violet roses across the blood orange sky.  Ana would often drift off as Shawn ran his fingers threw her curls. He loved the coconut oil scent that lingered in the air from her hair. He watched her & silently prayed he never had to experience the loss for he understood why it was better to love, or he realized he had been cursed to have had loved at all. A picture of she, Hobbs, & he rest atop a dresser in his room & as the background to her phone. His heart pranced behind his chest plate just a little every time her phone lit up. She would trace his tattoos & throw a John Coltrane Vinyl from her vast collection on her record player as an Egyptian Musk incense filled the aroma as they laid back & drifted along the stars. The moon lived vicariously through Ana as she was enamored by their flawless love affair. Each kiss seemed endless as her lips tasted sweet as nectar found dripping from the lone tree that birthed the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. They did not always see eye to eye. She believed the government used political parties to distract us from unifying & seeking true means to reconstruct the distribution of wealth & realign power a bit more evenly. Following ideologies blindly based on what one believed on lip service to her was detrimental to the people & you contributed to said problem if you did not take the time to, at the very least, know who you were voting for, if you believed voting made a difference in this system in the first place. Shawn did not follow blindly to the fullest of extent, but on a lower level, he did not know all the policies that some of the soon-to-be government officials he voted for & refused to believe that the Red & Blue system was just some game of divide & conquer. He felt she likened it to a game of Risk, which bothered him a bit because his parents had advised him to vote from as soon as he was old enough to ask them who the president was. They argued over many social issues as well: whether well off individuals should return back home to ensure those after them have better resources than previous generations; do politics have a home in sports; religious texts, their implementation, & how they control the masses alongside their secular counterparts; how divisive can feminism become when race comes into play; & how important is race to society & when should it no longer become a factor for individuals versus the group were just a few topics that seemed to heat the kettle.

 Today wasn’t a day for altercation. She just lay there & he admired the sunset. She slept so peacefully. I reached for one of the many picked peaches & bit in; just as sweet as I imagined. The fruit was all ripe & the orchard happened to be empty on this fine Sunday afternoon. Nothing was to ruin our day. Then, I opened my mouth.

 “Why do you love me?”

“What?”

“Why do you love me, Ana”

“Is that what you feel? That I love you? I believe that we have met at a fork in the road & indulged in what seemed to be an endless waltz. I’m not-”

“Don’t do this. Not like this…”

“…”

“Are you going to say something?”

 I feel that fluttery feeling in my stomach again, but it is far from the same from that night at Kat’s.

Why is she getting up? Why is she not saying anything? I asked a simple question. WHY ISN’T MY MOUTH MOVING TO TELL HER TO STOP?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

 “There isn’t much left for me to say right now. When the time is right, we’ll speak again. Make it home safe. Don’t follow me, my uber will arrive shortly.”

 Cursed. Forsaken.

My, to have never loved at all, or to have not said a FUCKING WORD! My arrogance has once again dug my grave. She truly had won. She knew she won the entire time. Now, do I stop her? Do I let her Go?!

 The Sun had set on the orchard. The stars had already clocked in & the moon had just arrived delighted to revisit her favorite duo, but something was wrong. She spotted a piece of Shawn in Ana’s hand. Shawn hadn’t noticed, but tears, akin to the ones that fall from the sky, had silently raced down her face.

                               _______________________________________________

   Shawn walked through cherry-red swinging doors inside the diner. He noticed Loni’s office door was slightly left ajar. Loni sat with a smile on her face shaking the hand of a woman with cinnamon flowing hair down to her lower back.

           “Hey, Shawn! I’m glad you got my text. Usually, you never respond, must be my lucky day or something. I’ma go play the numbers. Yeah, some people called out today, I guess it’s some holiday. I don’t give a shit, someone’s getting fired heh. Just playing, but either way, this is a new hire I want you to meet. She is somewhat soft-spoken, like you funny enough. Seems like you two would get along.

 Shawn’s eyes never looked away from the back of her head.

           “Sorry girl, you’ll get used to my rambling on & on. Hey, what’s wrong? This is the most animated I’ve seen you since the interview started, that’s the energy we are going to need in this atmosphere. Any who, Shawn I want you to meet-”

             “Ana.”

           “No, her name is S-”

           “It’s a pleasure to meet you Shawn. It seems there is a lot of love in this diner. Maybe I can bring my love here as well? She spoke highly of you & how you spend a lot of your time next to the bathroom playing ���Ms. Pac-man.’ I kind of play from time to time & it looks like we have some downtime before we open. You have a quarter?”

 Shawn looked down & smirked.

           “Yeah, I do. Wanna Play?”