#yes its about loss. but is it also about absence? not just about her; but you too? so willing to be nothing do nothing become nothing

[trainingdummyrabbit]

gnawing at th walls thingking about roland

[prettyboykatsuki]

BLOOD FEUDS, ANCIENT AND MODERN | RYOMEN SUKUNA.

✮ tags ; no curses au, blood incest, use of honorifics (oji-san) abuse (mostly verbal / emotional), classism, grooming / generally predatory behavior, large age gaps (20+ yrs), blood feuds, imbalanced power dynamics, white collar crime, afab + fem!niece!reader, uncle sukuna, the word rape used in text, non/dubcon (not noncon necessarily), fingering, petnames (little one, kid, little lamb), thigh-fucking, and other things, very horrible and gross sukuna behavior 18+

this is very dark and it deals BRIEFLY with sukuna being very predatory to reader when she's UNDERAGE / young. nothing explicit happens WHILE she is underage, but sukuna does leer at reader and it is mentioned. please proceed with caution !!!

PLEASE HEED THE TAGS BEFORE YOU PROCEED!!!

✮ wc ; 10.3k (???????????)

✮ a/n ; thank you vic @saintshigaraki for always indulging my nonsense and also tomfoolery. kissing you.

i'll be honest lads this one got away from me BAD jksdfhjs. i think its interesting at least.I KNOW THE TAGS ARE WICKED but i promise its like. kind of sexy at least.

also yes the title is from the rdr2 soundtrack shhh

✮ synopsis ; blood is thicker than water. resentment, you think, is thicker than both.

Bastard.

An intimately familiar title, lacking tooth and effect. It's meaning eroded with time and usage - and a moniker you've wielded proudly for as long as you can remember. You don't recall much of your life before it became part of you.

The daughter born of wedlock. Bastard daughter. The only remaining stain to your family's reputation aside from your late father.

Your mother often tells you that you were her hardest child to birth. When you were littler it was a story relayed to you with affection, and but now it's with such bitter hatred you can feel it lodged in your throat.

The most important element is the predestination in it. You came into the world kicking and screaming, throat hoarse and violent. From birth, you knew you were half-forged with bad blood and came into the world trying to be absolved of it. It's shaped your life, your relationships, everything about you.

The other half of your DNA, the good half, is from your father. Before you were a bastard, you were your parents' only child. Your father was a good man. The best you know. An average, humble man. From a generation of other working class men with a tough job in construction. Your best memories come from when he was still alive.

A quiet life, untainted by the residual bitterness of your mothers heritage. You lived away from it, outside of it. The mother in your memories from back then seem like a dream now, some mirage from long ago - disinterested in anything but you and your father. Your mama and papa. Your father took good care of you both, and your mother loved him madly.

You lived as a normal family in a small apartment just outside of Gifu for the first seven years of your life. You attended a small local school and had friends with crooked teeth and messy hair.

Your childhood was mostly happy if you break it up into pieces like that. Blissfully uneventful.

There's a concise break of change of what your life was versus what became of it. Your fathers death the splinter in the wood, separating the two halves.

The worst of your childhood, of course, came in your fathers passing. Not just because of the loss, but what it made of your life. His funeral welcomed people of all walks of life with the most notable absence of your elusive mothers side of the family.

Another old memory you have with your mother is looking at her face during your fathers wake. The deep darkness of her eyes, sunken in and hollow. The first time you ever found her terrifying instead of comforting. While the world mourned your father, your mother—you think—mourned her life.

Forced into single motherhood with no prospects and no career, your mother decided it was best for the both of you to return home.

You think the worst of your life started there.

Your mother's side of the family has never welcomed you with open arms. You wouldn't come to know why until much later. You were a child then. There's no way you could've known about feuds that deep.

The only thing you knew was that you were hated vehemently, and nothing could change that.

Your grandmother's estate was always frightening to you in your childhood. You've yet to grow out of that feeling despite living there for the last fifteen years. It's remained unchanged since you moved in and the lights in the hall never seems bright enough. Jade green painted walls and white tile floors. Some rooms have classically Japanese flooring and heirloom paintings from the Heian era. Others modernized with sterile whites and grays and house plants that add no life to it at all. Stretched wide with tens of rooms, and easy for a child to get lost in.

A sinking abyss. A terrible place. A dark labyrinth. Anxiety inducing to even think about now. No place for a child your size or your age.

The best way to describe your childhood after your father died was cold. Removed from your life in the suburbs and placed among other rich kids, you became overtly self-conscious of the differences between you and them. Them being anyone who grew up wealthy and your other extended family. You were constantly reminded of your place as the bastard child. Later learning how your mother left her fiance many years ago for your father, your poor and worthless father.

(You theorize any warmth that your mother had for you was buried in your dead dads casket. Living there, among them, made sure she'd never find it again.)

Your mother is the most complicated part of your life. You don't have a time for when she gave up on raising you. There was a year when she tried, you think. For the most part, you lived in that house utterly alone. 

At first that abandonment was miserable (as it would be to any child, certainly) but a time came where you were glad you saw so little of her.

Your mother, who you had once loved and thought highly of, became a pitiful prey animal in the four walls of your grandmother's house. Small and anxious and utterly hateful. A bunny born with some cosmic knowledge and horrific understanding that its destiny is to become food for a wolf. Viciousness between her siblings, no doubt fostered by your grandparents and their establishment, tore apart the aspects of her your father mended and ruined her. You were too little to stop it. 

Blood feuds that ran bone-chillingly deep plagued most of the interactions with your extended family for as long as you've been a part of them. Your mother has exactly four siblings. Two sisters between her with her as the middle daughter, and two brothers. One of which is estranged so completely you don't know his name.

And the other being your Uncle Sukuna.

Your hatred for your aunts and their children came to you rather naturally. For every gala and ball and charity fund your worthless bloodline ever raised, came catty arguments and verbal abuse from the shallow mouths of your beloved cousins. You had nothing to prove to anyone in that house. You were detested since your birth and your grandparents made no small effort to show you through as much neglect and verbal lashing as they could get away with.

Rotten girl. Cursed daughter. You're the reason your mother is like this. You're the reason she is miserable. You should've been buried with your father.

Compared to the experience of your grandfather ripping into you at age ten for simply being alive, your cousin's commentary on you was remarkably uninteresting. You resented them for being nuisances, though, with the exception of maybe one who bucked it out of that place as soon as they could. Just like you planned too.

For a long time, Sukuna wasn't around enough to have a real presence in your consciousness. You tried not to think of your extended family more than you had too. You got used to not knowing about your relatives living there, but there was no one so elusive as him.

It was as if, increasingly, you heard whispers of his name at everything you were forced to attend.

The first time you ever meet your Uncle, you're freshly sixteen. It's the birthday party your mother throws for you each year in an effort to show how close the two of you are to the rest of your relatives.

The first time you see Sukuna in person, the only thing on your mind is how much he stands out from the rest of your relatives. He's a head taller than the tallest person there, and he's...bigger. He's not clean or neat, scruff lining his chin. Old, dark eyes. Visible tattoos that reek of disgraced son and hardly of prodigy.

At sixteen, you understood intimately what your family considered to be gold standard. Your uncle was antithetical to it. His very existence a paradox to the ideas you've had been hammered into you for years. Dyed hair, piercings, tattoos - his suit jacket undone to expose his chest. Lacking respect and formality and dignity. 

He was a lot like you. You got that impression, somehow.

When your eyes met with your uncles for the first time, you had your second fully formed thought about him.

Dangerous. Like an alarm. Like a ringing bell, throbbing through your skull and pulsing through your teeth. Some part of you just knew that he was a very dangerous man. Not just a wealthy one.

The first conversation you ever had with your uncle proves to be the most significant. Brief, yet - tonal in all ways. The gold standard for how he viewed you. How he would view you.

How he would treat you.

("So you're the new brat,"

Your uncle is an imposing man. You are sixteen and slightly tipsy, which is the least horrible thing you could be since your other cousin is coked out in the bathroom upstairs. You sway, staring at him. You think that's disrespectful.

He's the kind of man who might kill you for that. Might hit you. But you don't find it in yourself to challenge your defiance when you're far from sober and even father form happy. You lean your weight to one side and hum.

"New bastard," You correct him, and take another sip of the flute of champagne in your hand. "My worthless fathers, worthless daughter."

Sukuna pauses, his eyes widening before his lips break out into a grin. You wonder if it's because you're drunk. You think he's staring at you. Your eyes are too blurry to tell but you think he's gazing down the low dip of your top. At the curve of your chest. Leering at the body you've yet to even grow into.

"Tenacious," Your uncle says, and takes a long drink of his sake. You stare at the edge of his glass, carmine eyes gazing so deeply at you - you think you'll throw up. "You're your mothers daughter. Through and through.")

The night of your sixteenth birthday, your uncle announced he'd be opening a business venture in Tokyo. All this time he'd been doing work overseas, but seeing family helped finalized his decision. You remember the look on his face when he announced it. Remembered his eyes searching on you through the crowd as he held the mic up to his lips. How he named you the main reason, one conversation and he grew so fond of his little niece. That you were a clever girl, and that even though he hadn't known you long - he was sure you'd go so far.

Happy Birthday to you, little lamb.

You remember best the feeling afterwards. How the crowd went nearly silent. Hundreds of eyes darting your way in seas of strangers. All the attention people hadn’t paid suddenly mattering, all the congratulations. You remember how they crowded you and how your uncle came to your rescue with a cheeky grin and air of nonchalance.

You remember feeling sick. You remember the chill creeping up your spine, bile in your throat - all wet eyes and nausea.

Your uncle is a dangerous man. And you, the uninteresting bastard daughter, had caught his full attention.

The next four years of your life would pass so slowly, you often wondered during them, if you died that night and you'd live through these days as punishment for the crime of existing.

A little after your birthday, your uncle moved back to Japan permanently - in a residence not far from your grandmother's estate. He became a permanent fixture in your life. Many things came with that reality, none of them being especially pleasant.

You learn three things in the four years you spend with your uncle in your life.

The first is that your uncle is more powerful than you can really understand.

Through conversations at your kitchen table about his escapades abroad, you learn nothing of the work he actually does. Only what it involves, who it involves - foreign governments and people much more powerful than your family. Your uncle has ties to the Gojo family, and the Zenins'. Your time here teaches you that they make up two halves of private militarized arms and they work domestically and internationally. The only thing you need to know about them is they are filthy rich, richer than your own family and twice as corrupt.

And Sukuna works with them. Knows them rather intimately, from the pictures you've seen of Sukuna and Gojo Satoru drinking together - two prodigal sons with silver spoons and unsettling demeanors.

The second thing you learn is that your uncle's power and influence extend past all borders and include your grandparents and relatives. In the years he'd been away from home, he's garnered a formidable reputation. You never cared to notice it before, but it's all you can see now. Every arrogant, vapid relative you have the displeasure of calling family sees your uncle as some sort of king. The golden ticket to grandparents approval. A wishing well for all their hopes and dreams - so long as they appease him.

They fawn over him. Sukuna knows it. But they're all so busy trying to get on his good side they never catch his subtleties. Never seem to notice the cold sarcasm and biting edge to his questions. They pander and peacock to him constantly, but not one of them has sense enough to understand him a little deeper. Except you, incidentally. That's part of your problem

The third thing you learn about your uncle is that he takes pleasure in your cleverness no one in your life has since.... who knows? Since your father died, you think.

And you are clever. A head smarter than the rest of your family and a try-hard in all aspects. You graduated highschool top of your class and got scholarships into better schools. It was never about proving your worth of course, but about survival. You wanted away from this place, and the only way to cut your ties completely is to carve a life for yourself. Academia, education, using your name to make connections - you've been working silently on it since you were in middle school.

The only person who'd ever noticed your accomplishments was Sukuna. In between his work, he'd visit you in your room. You grew close in one sense of the word. It was a secret kept between you - but Sukuna often reminded you of it. That he saw you for who you were when no one else did. That his interest in you exceeds your own understanding, and it'd be in your best interest to remember that.

Some half-way between threats and affection, for four years - your uncle remained at your side. Uneasy as you were, he'd never try to advance on you while you were still in highschool. Some part of you knew he wasn't above it. Rather his interest hinged on getting to know you.

Your uncle is above all things manipulative.

Rather he preferred to keep you on your toes during the duration of your time together. To get close but not too close. To get to know each other openly. Your uncle made sure everyone in your family knew of his fondness for you. He'd keep you close to his side or follow you around, always in public places with a million eyes. He'd whisper to you, laughed and asked questions.

You hated being the center of attention, so Sukuna turned it on you any chance he got. It made it hard for you to refuse him, but mostly it made it hard to go under the radar without his protection. It made it hard for your relatives to insult and berate you.

You hated it. You hated accepting his kindness, because you know your uncle well enough to know that everything in the world came with a cost. And that this protection is little more than luxury, promised to you as long as you played nice.

And you always did play nice. But you were cautious. Never alone too long in the same room. Never somewhere too late. Never drunk, never high. Always within distance of a door. Sukuna was a dangerous man, and you may be a bastard but you're no fool.

It'd work for years. You evaded any real alone time with him for years. Years.

Until earlier this year where your mother had made arrangements for you to spend the summer with your dear old Uncle - in his villa, far from the safety of Japan's main island.

In the years of your uncle's favoritism towards you, no one has been more pleased than your mother. You've come to hate her for it. Your relationship hasn't been good in years and for her to suddenly attempt to be your mother again felt like a mockery.

(It mostly felt like a betrayal. You didn't think she could betray you a second time after she all but abandoned you the minute she stepped foot in that house.

Like something possessing the corpse of the mama in your dreams, your seething hatred towards her started then you think.)

You'd spent years indifferent to her, but it was this change that made you hate her down to your bones. You were furious about the decision. Furious she didn't bother asking, furious about all of it.

About everything.

An entire summer alone with the man you know to be most dangerous to you. You wouldn't put it past Sukuna, to plan this around you - but it didn't make it any less frustrating.

("You'll be going with your uncle," Your mother says, hardly listening to you. There's a baby on her hip, your half-brother and a vacant look in her eyes. You feel your jaw tighten. "We've already made plans. Your stepfather,"

"Your husband." You correct. Your mother gives you a tight-lipped smile.

"We are going on a family vacation. Your grandparents wouldn't tolerate you here alone , so you're going and that's final."

"I don't need to live with you," You seethe, fighting the urge to grab her and punch her. You've never been violent. Your mother makes you homicidal. "I can find my own fucking place, I'm twenty I don't need-"

She slams something. Your half-brother makes watery eyes. She stares at you distantly, righteously angry. Whether she's earned that anger or not, it makes your mood worse. .

"This is the least you could for me. For us." She hisses, turning around. You think of killing her. "For all the shit you put me through."

"What I put you through? Fuck you," You admit, your throat burning like a star falling through the atmosphere. Then, through a shaky breath"There's something off about him, mom. Do you understand what I'm fucking saying? Where you're sending me?

Three expressions pass over her face. The ghost of grief, some kind of solace and then more vacancy. She swallows, turns around to keep folding baby clothes. Her voice trembles. She knows she's sending you to your doom. Knows what waits for you as soon as you go.

"You're going. We need this." She says, and still doesn't turn to look at you. Her voice is so frigid it doesn't sound like hers anymore. "That's final."

You shouldn't be shocked by it anymore, but it doesn't make it easier.

You slam the door on your wait out. You hope their plane crashes on the way there.)

You tried your best to worm your way out of the situation before the semester closed out. But Sukuna, three steps ahead of you at all times, made sure that wasn't possible. Your uncle owned a villa out on an island, private - and the bags had already been packed. You'll like it there, he assured you so many times, it's comfortable. There's a good view and the kids in the place will remind you of the kids you grew up with.

(It's hard not to notice the ways in which Sukuna tempts you into wanting to go. Though there's nothing, truly, that could make the experience a pleasant one - it's posed to appeal to you. A place to remind you of your childhood. You try not to think about it.)

Despite your protests, despite your vehement frustration - there was nothing you could do but go. If you didn't go with Sukuna, it'd be enduring 3 months alone with your grandparents. You could try to crash with friends but the friends you've made so far wouldn't dream of being so polite and you dare not think of burdening your childhood friends with your family problems. They deal with enough as is.

The last option was running away. You're desperate enough to entertain it. You do, several times - considering what the worst outcome could be. All scenarios end with Sukuna coming to find you, because he's crazy and connected like that. Even if he's deliberate in not displaying those parts of himself, you know his apathy to be a facade.

You know him well. He knows you well. It feels like a competition to see who can outsmart the other that you were forced into with no say.

So, come the end of your third year of college - a driver picks you up right as your finals are finished to take you to the airport. A private jet, a nauseating display of wealth just for your uncle to torment you with you're sure.

On the plane ride to a small island on the coast of Japan, you think to yourself that all gods in the world must've abandoned you before you were ever born.

__

The first few weeks of your stay in the island of Nii-jima prove to be uneventful.

For a small island, it's still governed through something related to Tokyo. It's not the city or even the country, some quiet and relaxing in between. There are people here who've lived for generations and others who are only touring. Your uncle's villa though, is far from all life - and a few miles out from a beach.

You can hardly understand what a single man needs such a big house for. There's staff there too, though less than at your grandparents place which you're grateful for. You've met six of eight, two of them people who take care of the yards and garden.

Sato-san is the woman you see most often. The one cook Sukuna has and the woman who's been working longest. She is kindhearted and sturdy, often bringing her grandchildren with her. She's quiet and motherly - and so warm you're unsure of how to behave around her. Your uncle is seemingly fond of her which is saying a lot. She speaks highly of him. 

It's been so long since you've experienced something like maternal warmth, you're awkward around her. You try to not be too attached, try not to be fond of anything in this house because you know something horrible and dormant lies within it and you do not want to stay. Don't even want to entertain the idea of staying.

But Sato-san is good to you, with wrinkles and sunspots and a bright laugh. Her grandchildren are so well-behaved you wonder about how they were raised. A girl about seven and a boy about four, always quiet and inattentive. You've grown fond of them too, despite how bad you normally are with children. They're easy to be around.

You're frustrated mainly because you don't hate being here. The people are kind and welcoming and everyone locally is pleasant and good. You've been in the city too long, with insane people too long, and everything feels refreshing. The bus here is free and you can be at the beach whenever you like. You've made friends here - organically, with no strings attached. .

For the first time in your twenty years of living, you even have a guy you think is cute. It seems small, but back home everyone knows who you are. You've never had a relationship work out for one reason or another, but here? Here no one knows you, and the boy you meet at the beach with his friends is just a boy.

You don't want to like being here, but you do - and you don't want Sukuna to come back and he will. Nothing ever works out for you.

The worst of your luck you think builds on the edge of that thought.

You come home tonight doing a lot of things you would not normally. 

For one, you've gotten yourself drunk. The reason being the cute boy aforementioned invited you down to the beach with his friend. You justified going thinking if you were going to be miserable all summer - a single good memory wouldn't kill you.

You had fun. Your swimsuit is underneath your short skimpy clothes, and you sat in his lap and made-out with him all evening. Got to pretend you were a normal girl and you got to kiss for the first time. You still reek of alcohol and his cheap cologne. Blissfully uneventful. 

When you stumble into the foyer of the house with blurry vision and hear the T.V. playing, you know it instinctively that peace is going to be short-lived. You know that your uncle is home, and that he was waiting for you.

All the hairs on your neck raise. A shift in the atmosphere makes it hard to think clearly. Your lungs barely get enough oxygen in them to keep you upright. You think of leaving. You think of running up marble stairs to your room in hopes he won't catch you.

"Brat," Is yelled from the living room. Right, as if you'd ever get so lucky. You jump in your skin. "You home?"

Your stomach churns. You feel sick.

"Come to the living room."

You go obediently when Sukuna calls you, trying not to stumble over your two feet.You don’t think there’s more options than fearful compliance. 

Your uncle is watching Scarface on the big flatscreen on the TV. The subtitles are on in Japanese though you don't think he needs them. He only barely turns his head to look at you, his interest piqued when he sees what you're wearing.

You feel sixteen again, self-conscious of your body and womanhood. He hides it even less than he did the first time - the leering. He notices your skimpy shorts and top, the bottom of your bikini. And he grins, and stares but doesn't say anything.

"Oh?" He says, calm and casual, glancing back at the T.V. "Finally went and had some fun did you? Thought all that studying turned you into a bookish little shut-in permanently."

You don't say anything, arm clutching your other self-consciously.

"Did you need something?"

He snickers, low and predatory. "Come on. You're here to spend time with me so let's spend time together."

You don’t bother asking where he’s been for the last few weeks.  Your gut churns, feet heavy as they drag you to the far end of the couch. Sukuna stares as you sit hesitantly. You have no doubt he's going to make you move, but he's kind enough to leave you alone for now.

"Have fun on your..." He gives you another knowing look then laughs. "Outing?"

You aren't sure how to respond. "Just drank with some friends."

"Friends," He mimics, feeling the words out in his mouth. "The kind of friends that smudge the lipstick off your mouth, huh brat?"

You flush suddenly, embarrassed - and Sukuna barks a laugh. You don't know what he's expecting you to say there so you opt for nothing.

"Sorry," Is the only thing you can manage. Placating. He lets out a puff of air through his nose and relaxes further. There's an air to him, of nonchalance, that unsettles you more than if he was angry or unpleasant. Your throat bobs.

"You're a big girl now," He comments - sleazy and indignant. His indecency towards you, about you glints like a star. A sharp canine and piercing red eyes examine you from his peripherals. "Now that you're showing off it's only natural boys flock to you, hm?"

You can't explain the way this comment makes you feel. So much said with so little. The gap between is and has always been miles wide except sometimes it's not. Your uncle is unusual. Cold-blooded, manipulative, ruthless. There's no warmth in him in a comfortable, loving way. 

There's even less of a normal relationship between you.

But you both exist in this space with... similar awareness. Of the world. Of yourselves. There's a conscious intelligence to him that's reflected in you - that you are both fractured parts of your grandparents bloodline in two separate bodies. That self-awareness affords him a presence. In your mind. In your fear.

You are undoubtedly related. Sukuna revels in that.

It’s rare to see that kind of awareness in your family. You’ve never felt threatened by people dumber than you, even if they had more power or money. Vapid and shallow and useless - there’d never been anything that could win you on. It might sound cocky, but it’s true. It’s been true. 

It’s why Sukuna frightens you. He has everything, but above all - he’s smart. And hard for you to read. 

You swallow, shakily - your eyes looking down at your hands. In a profoundly long beat of silence, the movie plays. A fair bit of gunshots echo through the loud speaker and they startle you.

"You scared? Come sit closer, then." He tells you, less than asks you.

You stand and sit next to him, still a distance away. Sukuna remains unmoving. You don't know what to do with yourself.The silence seems to stretch for miles and minutes. Sukuna just watches the T.V. and stares at his phone - occasionally answering messages. You stay like that for a long time. 

"Need a smoke," He says, and it's not really directed at you. "Maybe later. Wouldn't wanna make you sick."

"People smoke around me all the time."

"Do you smoke?"

You shake your head, too tipsy to lie. He laughs at that. "Not even weed?"

You don't bother mentioning legality, you both know it doesn't matter between your lineage.

"Don't like the taste."

"How interesting. What a straight-edge kid. Most I've seen you get is drunk and this is the drunkest I've ever seen you. Still sober enough to talk clearly though."

"I just drink socially,"

"Ohh," He says, and then grins a little sharper. "A little shot of courage to fuck that little college boy then?"

This makes you jolt. "We didn't fuck—"

"No?" He looks genuinely surprised at this, though it's mild. "Poor kid must've wanted too if you came around him wearing that. Unless he came in his pants soon as you sat on him. Boys that age do stuff like that,"

The comment about his age reminds you of how old your uncle really is, and something in your chest flares hot.

"It wasn't that either—I've never-"

He cuts you off. "You're a virgin?"

You flush, stopping yourself from answering and he laughs.

"Ohhh, that's good. Very good," He grins, so genuinely pleased it makes you shiver. "I like virgins. Easy to please."

"That's—It wasn't for you."

For the first time in your relationship, Sukuna bridges the gap between you. He sits up and forward, his hand finding the bare skin of your knee. He rests it there, his thumb circling the flesh.

"Don't touch me," You hiss. Sukuna tightens his grip, but not threateningly. He turns to look at you that time, and you can't help but look back.

There's something in his degeneracy that horrifies you. It's fondness, you think. Genuine fondness.

"You sure?" He licks his teeth in a way that reminds you of a wolf. But not one that's starving. There's no desperation in his actions, but a self-assurance. Wolves don't often survive alone, but Sukuna has. And he hungers with the confidence of a predator who has killed all that stand before him. That's never been told no to what he wants to eat.

Your heart stops. Your voice a low whisper. "Stop,"

"You say that but you came in the house looking all desperate for sex and approval. You always look like that. Have for a little longer than what's normal for a girl your age,"

"I don't look like that!"

"You would've fucked that little college twerp if you stayed wouldn't you? Nothing wrong with honesty, brat."

Before you have a chance to understand what goes on around you, Sukuna changes position. You've never gotten a chance to feel and experience how strong he is - not like the way he's manhandling you now. You gasp at the arm around your waist and back. He pins you to the couch in a swift motion, not sure how he's done it, the alcohol making you dizzy.

Sukuna has never crossed the boundary with you like this before. Your heart is thumping loud, beating against your ribs. The source of it eludes you. If it's fear or discomfort or some other thing entirely causing such noice. 

There's a certain blase in his attitude that makes you forget momentarily about the taboo and gives way just to the tension between you. You feel it for the first time with his body pressed against you, all hot and heavy. He smells of cologne, but it lacks the acidity cheap ones tend to have. There’s strong hints of cigarettes and aftershave accompanying it. Appearance wise, he has lines in his face like a man in his forties. 

You don't know what's wrong with you. With a relationship so fucked up from the start, you thought crossing this line would feel different. You think you want to throw up, but you're completely calm. 

You want to be disgusted. You want to thrash and kick and scream and fight. You squirm away from him, the threads of what's left of your moral conscience urging you to do so. Like a last ditch effort to keep you sane. 

But there's just. Something. Something so inevitable about it that your heart doesn't beat at all. The panic itself feels hollow in nature. You are a rotted log and Sukuna has ripped the soft wood out of you with relative ease. But you’ve been that way for a long time, and nothing hurts. Not really.  

It's relieving in the worst way. 

"Get away from me,” You whisper again with noticeably less fight. Sukuna looks at you bright-eyed.

"You're a good kid," He says. The genuine praise knocks the air out of your lungs. That disgusts you more than anything else happening between you so far. "Interesting. A lot brighter than the other kids in our family."

Our family. You wince. .

"Stop, this is—" You don't know what word to use. He's your uncle and you're his niece and he's been gazing at you like this for god knows how fucking long. "Stop."

"You've got something going on behind your eyes at least, even if you're still just a wet-nosed and angry little housecat," He says, staring down at you. He's so imposing. His facial hair and his various tattoos. Everything about him, down to his bones. "But I can't tear my eyes away from you at the same time. You know that?."

You do know that. You cast your gaze away.

"I applaud how cautious you've been. But it didn't make a difference in the end. You know that too, right?"

You don't say anything.

"Clever little lamb you are, indeed. I like that about you." He hums, leaning down closer to you. His face is inches from yours. "You should be smart enough to know how this ends. But you know, you've been so entertaining to me this whole time I feel like I should at least be a little nice. So I'll offer you something. A deal of sorts, we can even write it on paper."

This catches your interest and he knows it does. He knows. You’re cut from the same cloth. And this place has made you lose your character, just like it always does. So if it means your survival and sanity or your morals, one comes before the other.

He grins at you.

"Come stay with me. Here in Nii-jima and back at my estate at home. I'll take care of your expenses and whatever else. I have better connections than the old hag," He says, leaning down even closer to you. You can smell him. He's intoxicating "You can be away from everything. I'll even let you have boyfriends and girlfriends over. You can throw sleepovers. I don't care. You can do whatever you want."

"What's in it for you?"

You can feel his knee press up against your cunt through your shorts and you gasp, hand going up to his shoulder. "This. Been thinking about this tight little cunt for a while now. You'd have to be at my beck and call. We'd be the closest uncle and niece in all of Japan," He snickers.

You wince at the reminder. You hate yourself for considering it. "Why me? There are plenty of women who are dying to fuck you."

He scoffs a little. 

"Once we get you a little farther from the trenches kid, you might start to understand me. Wealth, fortune, fame - all of it's fucking boring. I came back to Japan prepared to leave again but you made me stay. Not much more to it than that."

"You're fucking your blood-niece out of curiosity? Your sister's daughter?"

"My sister never did anything good with her life except marrying your father and making you." Sukuna says, and laughs lightly. You hate how validated it makes you feel. Your skin crawls. "I'll have to thank her for it. She'll be pleased.

You make a face at him, uncertainty. Apprehension. Fear. Frustration. Everything you’ve been compartmentalizing comes bubbling to the surface and making your head feel weighted with lead. You want to kill everyone and everything including him. You want to run away from this place. You want to go home, though you don’t know where that would be anymore. They demolished your old apartment years ago. 

You think spending a few years getting fucked and used might be less miserable than the suffocation of living with your mother and your baby brother and your grandparents. How much abuse you’ve endured already vs. what awaits you when their true heir starts to walk and talk horrifies you. 

You look at him. 

“You’re horrible.” 

“Tell me something new.” 

“I hate you. I don’t…want this. Any of this. I want to go home.” 

You’re just venting. Really. You’ve made the choice already. 

“Has there ever been a time where it’s been about what you want? I doubt it. But if you stay with me, appease my wishes for a while, well,” He laughs confidently. “You’ll get something, at least. Better than what you have.” 

“The contract. Are you serious about that?” 

He laughs at you. “Sure. If it makes you feel better, you can draft it and I’ll just have my lawyer sign. Bring your defenses. Whatever. Don’t really care as long as I get what I want.” 

“And that’s me?” 

“Seems like it,” 

You purse your lips. It seems like a rash decision to make in the moment, but truthfully your heads never felt so clear. Even with the alcohol. 

“...Fine.” 

Sukuna hums when you agree. It feels anti-climatic somehow. Not that he’s not expecting your yes but that you’ve come to accept it so easily. It’s not like this takes away from the coercion, from the awful feeling of being violated. Sukuna was going to rape you whether you liked it or not. This way, at least, you get something out of it. This way it’s something you choose. Something tangible results from your inevitable doom - the fate your mother damned you to. 

It affords you some plausible deniability too. In truth, you’re afraid for yourself. You’re afraid of what will happen when he finally does cross the line completely. You’re afraid you’re going to accept it, that it’s going to feel pleasurable, that years of repressing yourself will come back to make sure you never return to normalcy. 

What will become of you when Sukuna has his way with you? Will you become a more apathetic version of yourself? Is it possible? Will you sober and feel like scrubbing your skin clean in the shower? 

The worst outcome, you think, is nothing so horrible happening. The worst outcome is knowing you’ve fallen far enough for none of it matters at all. 

Sukuna grins down at you. “What a well-behaved niece I have. Good girl. You’ll do well living with me.” 

You make a displeased face at him, but your breath catches in your lungs soon after. Your uncle leans in to kiss you and you close your eyes trying to get away from it. But it’s true that your body has been burning up from the inside since you came back home - a dull throbbing between your legs turning you all kinds of stupid. 

When Sukuna kisses you - your first thought is that he’s unexpectedly gentle. 

You didn’t think he’d care about kissing to begin with. In your head you thought he’d tug off your shorts brutishly and fuck you without any prep. You were readying yourself for tears and pain, for screaming and crying - the sharp sobs of your own voice piercing your ears. 

A gentle press of lips startles you from your drunk haze. You can feel the scruff of Sukuna’s face on your own, your arms wrapping around his neck instinctively. The taste of cigarettes and something else mildly smokey fill your mouth and make you dizzy. Sukuna tastes like kissing a man - or what you might’ve imagined that to be like. Not a boy, but a man. You feel his strength, your hands splaying at the base of his neck and feeling the faded undercut of his neck, the texture of his dyed hair. His weight shadows you, his strength making you feel fluttery. 

He doesn’t tease you all during the kiss like you’re expecting. Nothing goes the way you expect. He kisses you in slow, short pecks and escalates to his tongue dipping against your lips - a little added element to his deep kisses. He kisses like he’s been doing it for longer than you have, with experience and finesse. You’re all but too conscious of everything little thing. About the sounds you make, about knowing when to breathe, about trying not to get wrapped up in the pleasant euphoria. 

All you can think about is how good he is at it. Effortlessly good. You think part of you latches onto it to avoid thinking about what’s happening. Denial feels pleasurable at least. 

You kiss like that for so long, your lips have swollen - sticky with spit and saliva. Sukuna has a self-satisfied smirk on his face when he pulls away from you, laughing at the flush in your expression. 

You hit him lightly, looking away from his face. 

“It’s a wonder you’ve kept your virginity,” He says, chuckling. “A kiss and a dirty old man like me could’ve taken it from you.” 

“Shut up,” Your reply is weak. He laughs against your mouth, and you can’t get over the intimacy of it. You hope you’re deluding yourself but then he kisses the corner of your mouth. Hot, warm air tickles against your jaw and neck when he presses his lips there too and suddenly it occurs to you how real it is. 

You don’t think your uncle is capable of warmth or love or anything that doesn’t come from coercion. But fondness. Maybe fondness. 

He spends more time doing that than what’s comfortable. Relishes the feeling of you in his arms, his bulge grinding against your clothed cunt but not forcefully. Just with enough pressure to make you gasp once in a while when you don’t have a mind to fight it. 

“I won’t take your virginity tonight,” He says declaratively. It surprises you. “You’ve got three months with me. It’d be boring. I’ll give you something else.” He looks at you then, then grins impishly. “What do you want?” 

Your eyes widen, suddenly unsure of yourself. You push away, brought back to reality by the questions. 

“How would I know?” 

He blinks at you. “I know you said you were a virgin, but did you really mean in everything?” 

You pout at him all of a sudden. “So what. I didn’t have that kind of time.” 

Sukuna barks a laugh. 

“Huh. I thought you were a goody two-shoes out of necessity but you really don’t do a damn thing in that house. Not even a boyfriend to do hand stuff with?” 

“Ugh. No, alright? I don’t have time for that kind of thing like I just said.” 

He laughs a little breathless, sitting up for a minute. You’re wondering what it means for you. Sukuna pulls you up along with him. He sits down again with his legs spread before looking at you. He pulls you into his lap with relative ease, until you’re half-way pressed into him with your legs over his thighs. You stare at him, feeling more exposed in this position. You get a closer view of his neck tattoo, realizing how far down his back it must go. You go to ask him what he’s doing - but he’s undressing you before you can. 

Confident, large hands trapeze down your back as he finds the end of your overwear and pulls it off - leaving you in the microkini you wore to the beach. It barely covers your nipples. You made the choice to wear it, yet seeing Sukuna examine it so closely leaves you wallowing and regretful. Still, he’s silent as he does something similar with your jean-shorts. A hand lifting your legs up enough to roll the cheap, denim shorts and discard them right on the marble floors. 

You’re still half-way over his lap - sitting on his thighs but you’re naked now.

You feel yourself growing self-conscious. Never mind that it’s the first time anyone’s seen you this naked, who exactly you’re showing it to makes you want to throw up. He stares for so long you wonder what he’s thinking, a lazy grin splitting his face. A hand nudges your thighs apart, moving your leg to give Sukuna more access to you. With an arm around your waist, his hand cups your cunt, rubbing it softly. You shift nervously. His thumb moves then, rests at the hood of your clit, pulling up to look closer at it. You hold back any noise as he examines you, bent pointer of the opposite hand brushing over the hair on your skin with a laugh. 

“Unexpectedly, it’s pretty,” He says and your eyes shoot wide open. “Good job brat.” 

“What are you,” You pant, your breath hitching as you close your eyes.”staring so much for it?” 

“It’s mine to stare at.”

You don’t think of your uncle as particularly possessive. It’s more like he believes in that so much, so unshakingly nothing else could be true. You wonder if there’s more to it. He didn’t seem angry even after you told him about seeing a boy. 

But comparing the two, Sukuna outclasses him in all ways that it should matter. He must be confident about that. 

He spreads your thighs a little further. You’re half tucked into his side now - an arm around the back of his neck and shoulders. Sukuna ducks down a little, nudging his nose against your neck and scraping his teeth lightly against your throat. He doesn’t do much other than… touch you. Not directly. His other hand, the one not secured around your waist, rubs at your pussy but not in an attempt to pleasure you. It’s exploratory and intimate. He’s just touching you in a way that’s making you restless. And the angle he’s bent down, the proximity gives you a better view of him. From the side where you sit in his lap, you can see the tattoo again. 

You shudder then, pussy suddenly clenching in a way that leaves you ashamed. Your uncle notices, though he doesn’t look up. 

“Thought of something, brat?” 

“No.” You deny, vehemently. He spanks your pussy but not hard. You jolt in reply, a shock traveling up your spine. 

“C’mon now,” He hums, predatory. “Don’t lie. That’s not fun.” 

“Y-your tattoo,” You say, suddenly feeling the influence of alcohol in a way you hadn’t all evening. “It’s…big.”

“Into bad boys or something, kid?” 

You frown. “You look like a yakuza.” 

This makes him laugh, more genuinely than you’ve ever seen him laugh. “Getting warmer, I guess.” 

You don’t say anything to that. Instead spurred by the sudden confidence. “Why aren’t you…touching me?” 

He looks at you surprised then tilts his head. “Is that what you want? 

“I don’t want any of this but it,” You squirm again. “Feels weird.”

“Sounds like you want something, at least. Go on, tell your oji-san what you want.” 

You scrunch your nose up at him, a familiar feeling of disgusting flitting through you. It fades as quickly as it comes.

“I’ve never put a-anything inside,” You admit, suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

“That so,” He hums. His middle finger slides down the wet seam of your cunt as you tell him this. You nod but you don’t think he’s really listening. His hand is warm, and big - and his fingers are thicker than yours. One of yours may as well make two of his, no end to how imposing he is. You don’t protest as he starts to touch you. You simply take a deep breath, holding onto him a little tighter. 

With your head turned towards him, Sukuna leans in again to kiss you. It’s deep from the beginning this time, and a little rougher. He bites lightly on your lower lips as his middle finger dips down towards your sex. Your insides are throbbing, hot and wet as you feel some friction. It’s the first time anyone else has ever held you in your life, every touched you directly like this. Against your will, your body is sensitive to the stimulus. Everywhere he touches you goes alight, and the kiss makes your tummy flutter. A tender feeling of want spreads you open, tears you apart right in front of him. 

With parted lips and a heavy head, you kiss him as his middle finger dips down low enough to penetrate you. A soft gasp pulls from your throat. 

It doesn’t feel unpleasant.

“I thought it was going to hurt more.” You admit, feeling him inside of you. It’s a new sensation but it’s not bad. 

“It shouldn’t hurt if you’re aroused enough. And wet enough. You seem to be both.” 

You frown at him, face pinching. It’s washed away quickly by the sensation of him pushing deeper. It’s hard to describe it as anything other than feeling something inside of you. Deep in a place you didn’t think it could go. You shake a little, trying to get adjusted. Sukuna does it carefully, slowly - thrusting in even strokes and keeping you focused on kissing so you’re not too conscious of it. 

He’s not thoughtful, not really - but you can tell that he’s going slower for your sake and that makes your heart stammer uncomfortably. The last word you’d ever use for him is kind but he’s not being horrible and it’s unsettling you. 

Once one finger goes in and out smoothly, your uncle starts to add another. You feel it that time, the stretch of it - gasping hard at the sudden sensation. Your breath catches in your lungs, hand clutching at his shoulder for purchase. He pulls away from your mouth, his breath near your ear. 

“Easy, little one. Give it a minute.” 

“It feels different. It’s,” You can’t form the words as two fingers penetrate you in full, slowly being eased inside of you until Sukuna is knuckle deep. Your breath hitches. “Not like it hurts.” 

“It’ll feel good in a second.” He says assuredly, voice smooth and raspy against your ear. You feel combative at his confidence, but then a minute passes of him rubbing along your insides and something strikes against you like lightning. You pause, blinking confused as Sukuna laughs. “There it is,” 

“There what is?” 

“C’mon kid, I know you’re too busy with school but you don’t know something so basic about your own body?” 

“What is it, oh.” 

His other hand toys with your clit, rubbing it in slow circular motions as he gauges your reaction to the touch. You jolt from the sudden pleasure, getting used to it slowly. You didn’t realize how badly it was throbbing to be touched until he does it in full. Your mouth dries up immediately. Little shocks of electricity spark up through you as his hands go full in on your body. The combined pleasure starts to uptick, something building slowly but surely. It goes from not feeling like much to feeling like something. Feeling physical. 

Your mouth drops open in sudden shock, eyes lidded as you moan unabashedly - unable to keep the sound at bay. You own a vibrator, use to cum quick and hard just to curb the feeling. You’ve had orgasms on your own but nothing has ever felt like this before. It’s undeniably satiating, mimics the feeling of eating something and nearly making yourself sick on it. You go slack-jawed, your nerves on fire. 

Two fingers curled against your silken walls and another two toying at the sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs leaves little room in your brain to think. The only thing your body seems to remember is how to moan and whine - make these pathetic little noises you’ve never heard in your life. You didn’t even know you could make. Oddly enough, Sukuna is quiet through it. He makes grunts and little affirmatives but he’s mostly silent. You mostly hear the sound of your own voice. 

The sound of your own wetness. You can feel the sticky sensation of your arousal but you can hear it even better. It’s lewd to listen too, wet smacks mixing with the pathetic bleats of your voice make you feel hot all over. Skin prickling with heat and sensation. 

“I knew you were sensitive but haah. If I would’ve fucked you today, you would have cried.” 

The thought drifts idly by about his cock and your whole lower half reacts to it by going weak. It aches just thinking about anything bigger or longer entering you than his fingers. 

“Figure an insolent little kid like you isn’t much of a crybaby. I’m sure I can make you one.” 

You don’t even think about asking what he means. 

“Feels,” You make a gasping noise, body suddenly going tense. “Hngh, fuck. Feels so good, holy fuck.” 

He groans a little. “I’m being too nice to you. I really should be balls deep in your cunt already and I’m not. You gonna cum for me, huh brat?” 

You nod your head dumbly, unable to retort. To think of anything but the sensation washing over you.”Go on. Do it. Cum for your perverted oji-san.”  

Something about the depravity of it sets your mind numb. Your body goes tight, every nerve firing off at once as you grip onto his shoulder and let the feeling of euphoria wash over you. Your whole body is so stimulated it’s numbing. The feeling of pleasure crashes into you, leaves your spine arching - mouth dropped open and nearly screaming. Your sanity melts, fades off completely and your brain feels like it’s gone empty. You close your eyes so hard little splashes of white show up in your vision, like you’re seeing T.V. static. 

You think you scream. You don’t know. You just know that you’re cumming, hard, just from his hands and you’re terrified of what else he’s good at. You don’t think it boils down to sensitivity as the waves of your first orgasm ripple through your body. 

You lay in his arms, sweaty and limp. Your vision is blurry with tears as you open them to look at him. Sukuna is rubbing your side, taking his fingers into his mouth. You look at him surprised as he does. He grins. 

“Tastes good, kid.”

You flush. “Shut up.” 

“Don’t think I’m done with you quite yet.”

Sukuna guides your hand to his pants, over his bulge. You gasp a little at it. His size through clothes is astounding to you. 

“I’m not so generous to leave with nothing, you know.” He pats your thigh, moving you from his lap. “I’ve got a better idea than trying to teach you anything today, so try to hold still.” 

You don’t know what he’s talking about until he guides you on the floor. You’re confused until you feel him position you  - facing towards the couch with your knees spread on the floor. In doggy, you realize a little too late, your upper-half supported by the couch cushion. You feel more confused than you felt a moment ago. 

Sukuna positions himself behind you. You can’t see him, but you can hear the soft rustle of his clothes moving as he stands on his knees behind you. More than that, you can feel his cock resting on your bare ass. You gasp, feeling the weight and size slide against your curves. Sukuna does a breathy little laugh at your reaction. He’s huge. 

“Don’t cry kid. I told you I wasn’t gonna put it in tonight and I meant that,” He hums. His hands come to your hips, all of a sudden pushing them together. “Push your thighs together as tight as you can.” 

You listen to him. You can do it with some effort despite how weak your body feels. You lean forward on the couch for support, bringing your knees together and pressing your thighs. You don’t understand what it’s for until something hard pressing along your spine moves down the curve of your ass. You gasp aloud as his thick cock pushes between your thighs, tip catching against your swollen clit. Your whole body is covered in goosebumps. Sukuna moans low in his throat, resting his head on your shoulder. 

“Fuck, that’s it.” He hums, sounding pleased. “Keep them tight for me, alright girl? Try to at least.” 

Sukuna is wordless as he grips your hips, your flesh dimpling under his bruising grip. You're silent, your voice threatening to spill again as you try your best to listen to him. You keep yourself tight and firm, your hands gripping the couch cushions as Sukuna pushes his cock between the fat of your thighs and starts a pace.

The angle makes you gasp, body feeling weak at the way it touches your clit with each bump. Sukuna doesn’t hold back at all. You’re not being penetrated but the weight behind each of his thrusts makes you feel like you’re being fucked. The bruising sensation of skin against skin - the hard muscles of his own legs smacking against the softness of your thighs. 

Most embarrassing is the way the position makes you conscious of your uncle's cock. You knew he was huge before, but the way he’s thrusting. Where it reaches when he does thrust makes your throat feel nearly tight. You can’t stop thinking about the fact it’ll be inside you. You can’t imagine taking it in your hands - the girth and length of it fucking impossible. And he wants to fuck you with it? Take your virginity? 

He’ll stretch you so open if he does. You can barely think of it fitting in you. When you do, your whole body shudders in a horrible and pathetic way - a new wave of arousal striking a strange chord. As he bumps and ruts against your clit and your mind fills with such lewd images, a new wave of lust starts to pour through you. 

It’s unhelped by the feeling of Sukuna’s cock - getting so close. The throbbing with each thrust and the low, throaty groans he keeps vocalizing against your ear. All of it proves to be too much for you. It shocks you when you feel yourself grow hot all over again. Not even being touched directly and so soon after your first - a mere few minutes. 

And you find yourself with all your muscles tight, your hand reaching back for Sukuna as you plant your face against the cushions and let him fuck hard between your thighs. You feel incoherent, stupid and so fucking horny. You’ve never experienced it. You can’t think of what to moan, so you choose his name. 

This makes him laugh as he bends over you, his teeth biting your shoulder blades. 

“Gonna cum again from this brat? Aren’t you fucking easy? Come on, cum with me. Just like that, take it. Fuck, that’s it. Good. Good girl.” 

It’s the last bit of tension that pushes you over the edge, whether you care to admit it. Your voice breaks as a second orgasm washes through you - more intense but much shorter than the first and you nearly fall limp. You only barely manage to hold yourself up as your uncle keeps thrusting relentlessly. 

You can feel him twitch hard between your thighs when his orgasm finally hits. You shake as you feel him squish the tip between your thighs - hot ropes of cum spurting against the swollen mound of your cunt and dripping down your thighs as he finishes. He smacks your ass as he finishes, making you yelp. Your whole body is rife with exhaustion, finally coming down from high-highs and low-lows. 

“We’re gonna have a lot of fun together for the next few months kid,” He says, almost affection in his words. You’re too exhausted to reply, looking at him over your shoulder. “Let’s get along and do our best.” 

“You’re a sick-fuck, oji-san.” 

“And you’re a whole lot like me, aren’t you kid?.” 

[cryptidghostgirl]

hii i read your fic with the humanalastor! x reader where they become like partners in crime (i loved it sm)

and got an idea based off of it

what if Alastor dies first and a few years later Alastor and the reader reunite after she goes to the hotel? thought it would be kinda cute :)

A/N ngl I was thinking of doing something like this so I am very happy it is desired by the people as well. Also, we're gonna pretend that the timeline I created wouldn't make her like over a hundred years old when she died, okay? Okay.

Cover Up Pt. 2 (Alastor x Reader)

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of murder and blood, nothing graphic. Alastor being a depressed little bitch. Also a lot of dead bird metaphors for lost hope. Please let me know if I forgot anything.

Word Count: 1,971

Part One: Cover Up (Human!Alastor x Human!Reader)

Master Lists:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel Master List

When Alastor had died, Y/n had shattered. Their years of holding one another's bloodstained hands had finally drawn to a close. They had a good run, nearly a decade before anyone caught on. His death also came with the added downside of throwing suspicion on Y/n. To say the event changed her life would be an understatement.

When Alastor had first woken up in Hell, he had mourned his loss as if she was the one who had died and not him. The allowance of such a foolish thing was short lived. He quickly realized there was no way Y/n wouldn't end up in Hell as well eventually, with her track record. He refocused his pain, his anguish into making sure he had the perfect world to serve up to her on a platter as soon as she arrived.

As the years ticked on, the little bird fluttering away in his ribcage became more and more despondent. He tried to distract himself by continuing his work, continuing his plans for her. Always for her. It worked to a certain extent but, soon it had been sixty years and she still hadn't made her arrival. It didn't matter how many overlords he killed, how many worthless souls he tortured. There was nothing that could take his mind off that.

Alastor wondered what sort of life Y/n had made for herself after his death. He wondered if she had found love again, held out hope that she hadn't. It was a selfish wish, he knew it. Alastor had always been selfish. It wasn't that he wished for her to be unhappy, just that he knew she was the only person, living or dead, out there for him. There was no hope for Alastor that wasn't Y/n and he wanted her to feel the same way about him. He didn't want to lose, to have been an idiot, to have been the one that loved more. At the same time, he didn't want her to feel that way either. It was complicated and confusing, the twists of his own logic.

Another decade and he began wondering if somehow his beloved wife had gotten into Heaven instead. He knew it was a long shot, after everything she had done but, she had also never killed anyone who didn't deserve it. Maybe there was some exception for women who killed their pursuers, when the pursuers were coming on too intensely or had ulterior motives. He wondered if she'd remarried, if she had kids. If she was still on earth, there would have to be something that was keeping her there and that was the only thing that made sense.

Eighty years, as it turned out, had been all he could take. The bird had died and its corpse had rotted, festering into anger. Not anger at Y/n no, never anger at Y/n but anger at the world, at the system of the afterlife. He became bolder, brasher, more foolish. He got caught in a bad deal.

Coming to the hotel had been a command, yes, but it had also ended up being something of a salvation for the man. In the seven years of his disappearance from the rings of Hell, there had been little to distract him from the growing hole of Y/n's absence. It was a hungry thing, a deep seated want, a controlling desire. The hotel served to fill it. Not completely, but a little. It was better than nothing. Besides, for all her violence, Y/n had always had a way of seeing the best in others, in the world around her. He was certain she would have liked Charlie if she ever got to meet her, certain the hotel would shine in his wife's eyes.

Husk and Nifty were the only two who knew. They had both met him when Alastor's focus had been the creation of a world for Y/n, it was impossible for them not to. They had both noticed how as the years had passed, he had said her name less, how he had become crueler. Not even Charlie had in inkling of an idea that Alastor might be missing something, might be unshakable heartbroken. He hid it well.

Even now as he entered the lobby intent on finding Charlie in order to discuss some of the decor on the upper floors, he made sure his smile was firmly fixed in place. A smile was the strongest weapon a person or demon could have, the strongest disguise. He made sure he was never without one.

"So you just arrived today?" he heard Charlie saying as he began to make his way down the stairs.

He could see her by the door, talking to a demon whom her position obscured from his vision. A new guest. Internally, Alastor sighed. This was throwing a wrench into his plans for the day.

"Yeah I... it's all so confusing here. Wonderful in a way, don't get me wrong but... when I heard about your hotel, it seemed safe."

The unknown demon's voice was soft, it pulled at his heart strings. The corpse of the bird was a puppet at its familiarity. It was a sickening feeling, the dead body of his hope being pulled up and twitched around for another's unknowing amusement. Alastor nearly faltered, hesitating on the last step.

"So are you actually interested in redemption?" Charlie asked, sounding downcast.

"Well, I'm not really sure yet. Is that okay? I mean, I just got here today and... either way, I love the idea of your hotel and I want to help. I could work as a maid? Or I'm a pretty good cook? My husband always said so anyways. I'm sort of trying to find someone too so... What I'm trying to say is that I could work until I've figured it out, if that is alright with you?"

Charlie hummed in thought as Alastor began to cross the room, heading straight for the pair.

"It's a bit unorthodox but, I suppose. We could always use another helping hand."

"Really!?" the stranger exclaimed, "Oh thank you!"

Alastor was over Charlie's shoulder practically now. She shifted on her feet, allowing Alastor to at last see the person she was talking to.

"So, what's your name?"

The demon opened her mouth to speak but, before a word could leave her lips, she was interrupted by a static filled voice. It brought back memories, hurt her heart to hear.

"Y/n."

There was no doubt about it. Even in her new demon form, Alastor knew. It was the curl of her hair, it was the brightness of her eyes, the way she held herself. She looked up at him with wide eyes.

"When did you get here?" Charlie asked in confusion as she turned to the side, turning the pair into a group of three all facing one another, "Also, you know her? Oh my gosh, wait. Are you okay? I don't think I've ever seen you not smiling before."

Neither payed the princess any mind, each absorbed in one another's eyes. Y/n took a sutering half step forwards, her mouth slightly open.

"Alastor?"

It was barley more than a whisper. She took another step towards him, then yet another. Lifting her hand, she gently cupped it around his cheek. Instinctively, the Radio Demon leaned into the touch.

"It really is you... isn't it."

Alastor pulled Y/n into his arms, wrapping her in his frame and resting his chin on the top of her head. Y/n was frozen in shock for a moment before she returned the gesture, balling her fists in to the back of his coat.

"Wow. You guys really know each other." Charlie mumbled to herself, eyes wide.

The pair pulled apart, Alastor still holding Y/n's waist as Y/n held his coat. She looked up at him, disbelief etched into her features, her sentiments reflected back to her in Alastor's own face.

"I thought..." he mumbled, raising a hand and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "I thought I'd never see you again."

Y/n laughed tearfully.

"Me too."

"Where have you been? What happened? What... what took you so long?"

"If I had known I was coming to you, I would have died way sooner. I lived, Al. That's what happened. I only just got here today."

"I know, I heard, but what... what kept you?"

Y/n heard the tremor in his voice, the fear. She looked up at him, eyes narrowed.

"Are you jealous?"

Alastor's eyes flicked to the side momentarily. One of his ears twitched. It might have been nearly ninety years since they had last seen one another, they might've looked completely different and had whole lives the other wasn't in, but it felt like they had just seen one another yesterday.

"Oh, you so are!" Y/n teased brightly.

"Y/n."

"Yeah, yeah. It's just dumb is all, especially now I know you've been here all along."

"So tell me."

Y/n had always loved his insistence. It was what kept Alastor to his code, kept him to her, kept him him. She smiled once again.

"Soooo..." Charlie stepped in, her hands behind her back, "Either of you want to explain?"

Both Alastor and Y/n at last turned to look at her. He was smiling again, Charlie noticed. Not the normal ear to ear grin, teeth bared, she was used to. Something smaller, something softer. They released one another, only for Alastor to immediately drape an arm over Y/n's shoulders. It almost seemed like each feared the other would vanish into thin air if they weren't physically touching. She reached a hand up, gently holding his hand where it hung off her shoulder, keeping him to her.

"Charlie, this is my darling, lovely wife."

Y/n shoved him playfully and he smiled down at her.

"You're married!?"

"Yes." Y/n nodded, "We are. Have been for what, like one hundred years now?"

"So what kept you?" Alastor asked again and Y/n sighed.

"You really aren't going to let this go, are you?"

He shook his head. Y/n slipped out from under Alastor's arm, taking both his hands in hers. Her fingers traced his knuckles, the lines of his bones beneath the surface of his skin. Her eyes watched their hands, she sighed.

"After... well, Al, you died burying a body. It was hard for people not to know. I..."

"You got caught? You went to jail?" Alastor interrupted, his smile having fallen once again.

Y/n laughed slightly under her breath.

"No, heart. I stopped my own work but, the whole world knew of yours. I thought that... it was so dumb! I thought that... if I was alive, then so was the real version of you in some way. Not the true crime, vandalized version, but the person I knew."

Alastor lifted her face to his, his hand lingering under her chin.

"You were always secretly quite the romantic, weren't you."

"Oh hush you."

"Make me."

Y/n cheeks suddenly flushed bright red.

"Okay!" Charlie interrupted, laughing nervously, "Okay, well, I'm happy for... this, um, Alastor! Why don't you show Y/n around?"

"With pleasure."

Alastor leaned down, kissing Y/n gently. Her hand was half raised to burry itself in his hair when he pulled away, smirking in response to Y/n's irritated glare. Linking arms with her, he began leading Y/n to the staircase.

"I must say, I rather like this new look of yours." he hummed placidly.

"You're not half bad yourself deer boy, if a little cocky."

"I was always cocky. That's what you liked about me."

"Wrong. It's only one of the things I love about you."

----

Next Part -> Cover Up pt. 3

[walk-to-gallows]

Mary was too much. The show spent to much time in the past they didn’t need to drag Mary back into their lives for MORE FAMILY DRAMA. There were so many options for Amara to grant Dean some wish or some desire that he wanted there was no reason to dig into his rat nest of a life and drag Mary from heaven as some gift to Dean. To me that was as bad as 11 or 12 seasons later we had to put up with meeting Sam’s imaginary friend. They didn’t ring us dry of Sam pity enough? Do we need something more weird from his life to ring the tears from us?

While I didn’t sit at home hating or blogging about her in some crazy negative way. I think I only made one post about her right after she appeared but I was happy to see her go.

Yeah, you're getting the full rant; Mary was a reclamation.

Like most horror media, Supernatural has a bad habit of fridging its female characters to give its male characters a fighting reason. Up until her resurrection, Mary was only present in the past, she was just a memory rather than a person, the perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect woman because she was dead.

Of course killing off a family member is a customary trick of the trade, it’s strong stuff for motivating your characters, but when your pilot opens with not one, but two female characters being killed for the sake of their male partners arc, there’s a problem there.

Mary’s return is important for many reasons. Her presence parallels Jack’s, the ghost of the past and the hope of the future, the undead and the newly born. She represents autonomy being given to women in horror, like Kelly Kline, these women aren’t just hills for men to die on anymore.

Mary is the beginning, she’s the start of it all. Her return was hardly heralded in a way that made us expect her, but she’s not a random prize. Mary’s death has been the catalyst of Sam and Dean’s entire life, and as they move on to the future, there’s a need for them to reconcile with the past, especially with Jack’s introduction.

From this ask and your next, I'm guessing you're much more a fan of Dean than Sam, and I won't lie, my preferences lie that way too, but I fear that you're letting your biases cloud your judgement.

Mary's return has much more to do with Dean than Sam, Dean was four when Mary died, he actually remembers her. Her return spurs a whole new arc for him where he has to come to terms with her absence in his life and the glorified version of her that he grew up with as a result of his young age, Dean feels abandoned by his mother both in the past and in the present.

And once again, with Jack's introduction and Dean's role as one of his parents, there's more for Dean to move through. Dean was incredibly involved in Sam's childhood, and yet now when he's an adult he find himself often emotionally unavailable like his own father was once.

Not to mention, Sam and Dean's lives have been tightly intertwined beyond what is normal for most siblings, they've spent years apart, but they've often only had each other to rely on. Most things that concern one of them will also concern the other. Yes, Mary's return gives Sam a chance to know his mother the way he was never able to, but it also gives Dean the opportunity to reconcile with his childhood, to say things to his mother he never thought he'd be able to say, to resolve a part of his life that has been an open, festering wound.

Dean lost his father to hunting, it's something he struggles to reconcile with (which is why 14x13 is so important but that's another rant). It's part of the reason he's defensive of Sam's criticism of John, because Dean remembers a time when John was attentive and gentle, and not the soldier he regressed to.

In season 1, we see Sam learn that side of John, the part of him that put away money into a college fund for his boys, that hoped for a future free from bloodshed, and he comes to terms with the loss of a father he had never gotten the chance to know.

This is what Dean gets with Mary, the chance to know his mother as she was, as a person and an individual. The resentment that Sam carried for John is comparable to that which Dean carries for Mary, it's a one-dimensional view of their parents, anger at what they weren't just as much as what they were. Dean blames Mary for his childhood, and while I don't think the culpability rests on her, it is that unresolved anger that brings his mother back to him.

Mary gets a second chance at life, Dean gets a second chance with his mother, and he brings her back to him. I really find it difficult to understand how so many people dismiss this plot line, because not only does it parallel the way Sam and Dean slowly lost their father to the hunting life, it is a direct result of Dean's lingering anger and grief that makes Mary their mother again. She avoids them, throws herself back into hunting because it's what's familiar in this world that has aged beyond her, and the guilt of seeing her boys, who have grown despite her absence, is too much to bear. Dean forces her past this guilt, he allows her to forgive herself because he hates her for being gone, but he loves her too, and her knowing that her absence now counts as much as her absence then is what changes everything.

The character writing in supernatural is something that can be so good, I hate to see the hate-train on Mary coming at full speed because she didn't live up to audience expectations (never mind that those expectations were based on snapshots of her from her grieving husband and sons, or the younger and "innocent" version of her). Anyway, you're free to dislike Mary, at the end of the day my opinion is my opinion and yours is your own, but the fact of the matter is that Mary's return was incredibly significant for the overall plot, and Dean's character arc and growth.

[ingravinoveritas]

I personally think its disgusting of what she posted yet again its all about her and she the reason why micheal keeps trending 4th day oh please he was trending for days before she came in the picture. And for someone who has no career and basically living off her parter who works so hard and been ill with virus the last few days and haven't been able to perform and she post this. Taking the credit for something that has nothing to do with her. He very grateful that she keep him grounded what that suppose to mean ? He was doing better before she came in the picture since he been with her his career have been slowed a little and she probably the reason for it

What do u say ?

Oh, boy. I saw this a little while ago, and all I could think was that the bar is so low at this point--like halfway between the fourth and fifth circles of Hell--and this still somehow falls short.

I know there has been a lot of talk about the t-shirt Anna is wearing (which was a gift from a fan at the stage door of Nye), but for me, the t-shirt is the least concerning part of all this. It's a reference to a quote from Staged (it's the title of a season 1 episode, in fact), and I am sure Michael found it funny. The only problem is that without the context of why it's a joke, it actually just isn't that funny. And it sets the stage for everything else that is happening.

Which brings me to the caption she wrote, which was what primarily caught my attention. The reason Michael is currently trending on Twitter (X, whatever we're calling it) is because of the overwhelmingly positive response to The Assembly, which aired last Friday night. He is receiving a tremendous amount of praise for being on the show, how he spoke to the interviewers, and the respectful and joyous atmosphere that was cultivated on the show. And rather than allude to any of that--not to mention Michael being sick recently, or the trip they went on to Disneyland Paris--Anna made Michael trending on Twitter about her.

That is what stands out to me the most. The idea of "keeping him grounded" that is coming across more like kicking someone when he is already down. That he somehow needs that, and that she would have us believe he is "grateful" to her for, what...comparing him to a loud bird? Repeatedly making fun of his looks and interests without a shred of respect or affection behind it? I'm also confused by the implication (and the irony) that Michael somehow has a large ego that needs to be kept in check when she is the one coming across as self-involved in this Insta story. So, yes. I'm at a bit of loss here.

I just keep thinking of the things she could have said instead. How she could have uplifted Michael, wished him well on returning to the stage tonight after several days' absence, said how she was glad to have spent time with him or taken care of him while he was ill. Just something that would give him a reason to hold his head high. But I guess it might just be easier to convince herself/everyone else that he is smiling if his head is hanging down instead.

I am just glad Michael is out performing again tonight and getting to be on stage and do the thing he truly loves to do. But those are my thoughts, and I'd be glad to hear from my followers about what you think, regardless of whether you agree or disagree...

[darklinaforever]

I see so many people saying that the Doctor wanted to die / had suicidal impulses because he lost Clara. Whereas... yes, and no. Clara was only the retrigger of the Doctor's suicidal impulses. And the highlight of it, the straw that really broke the camel's back, was Bill's death. This desire to die in the Doctor at this period, comes from the compilation of the loss of all the loved ones he may have had, including Rose in it, like the moment where he thinks back to several people before stopping himself from regenerate indicates this. Clara was the re-trigger of these suicidal impulses after the accumulation of several losses, and Bill was the last straw after still other losses. Do you see the nuance ? It's not Clara herself, but rather the accumulation with her which was part of the return of this bad cycle. Each phase of the Doctor's suicidal urges is quite different. There is before he met Rose after the loss of his planet where he was clearly ok to die in the middle of a mission without seeing any problem, and when he lost Rose, her absence being really unbearable for his 10th incarnation which had been formatted on it. Especially since even at the time when Clara was alive, he already seemed to be tired of living : "This regeneration, it's a bit of a clerical error anyway. I've got to go sometime." So yes, we can take this sentence in the literal sense that yes, this regeneration was done a little outside the rules, but with what we know about the continuation of the character's arc, the sentence also takes its meaning double entender about the Doctor's upcoming suicidal impulses. He's already tired of losing people. He thinks that this regeneration is a mistake and that he must go there one day. For me, it literally stops the beginnings of his much clearer desire to die later. In my opinion, Twelve took a lot of risks throughout his story, and it even ended up rubbing off on Clara at one point. It's just that after Clara left, it became MUCH more obvious. He just stopped having any subtlety about it. Not to mention the fact that normally, a Time Lord does not go beyond the twelfth regeneration. So obviously there was the theme of the Doctor wishing to die during this specific regeneration since he should normally have stopped there, a Time Lord not often being entitled to a new cycle of twelve regenerations. Basically, at this stage of the Doctor's story, it could have been a character other than Clara who retriggers her suicidal impulses more fundamentally /frankly.

[corvusalbus93]

Thoughts & Feelings after the TBB Finale

Loved the show, but there are a couple of things I wish had been different/added. We still got damn good finale; pretty tense at times, action was great, Hemlock died (and Hunter and Crosshair got to do it together. Remember; sharing is caring), the way Rampart and Nala Se met their end, we even had a pretty happy ending for once, lots of good stuff.

However, I am disappointed Rex and his rebellion didn’t really play a part, despite being the reason Echo was gone for so much of the show and the screen time they got in season 2. They were also looking for Tantiss, determined to free their brother, so I’d been hoping Echo would manage to get a message out. Just imagine Rex with his boys showing up clutch, keeping troops occupied, evacuating the prisoners, giving the Batch the opening they need to get to Hemlock or something.

While I like how the show stayed focused on the Bad Batch, and didn’t drag in too many characters from other stories, this could have made Echo’s absence/working with Rex feel more vital. Maybe the Rex-storyline was dropped and they’re saving some of these plotlines for another Rex-centred show; those might also show when Wolffe switched sides or what happened to Cody, after he went AWOL.

Now, am I sad Tech is really dead? Yes and no.

While I am sick of every other character in Star Wars returning from the dead, part of me had hoped he’d survived somehow. As mentioned in previous posts, it felt like he died in the middle of his character arch (which his death certainly didn’t complete); Romar in the first episodes of season 2 gave him inside into the value of culture, and how people weren’t defined by what side they were on during the war. Phee added to this with her own love of history and culture...and then it didn’t go anywhere. They also teased the possibility of a romance with her, but it was ended with an awkward goodbye and we didn’t see her react to his death. She mentions him, but its business as usual for everyone at that point. Tech could have been on vacation the way everyone acted most of the time in season 3.

Seriously, the main reason I’m unsatisfied with his death is the lack of reaction and consequences in this season. Even in the episode he died in, it was kinda overshadowed by Omega’s abduction 5 minutes later. Not to mention that it ended with Emeri revealing she was her sister; you lost a science-inclined sibling with glasses? Well, don’t worry, here’s another. Bit overdramatic on my part, I know, but I really didn’t like that reveal, not at the time. Should have been in season 3.  Though honestly? Emeri didn’t need to be related to any of them; just have her be a not morally bankrupt person and the story wouldn’t have changed. She didn’t need to be related to the other kids to care about them, so what really was the point of her being another clone?

Going back to Tech, it’s a shame we didn’t see Crosshair or Phee react. Like, did Crosshair blame himself for what happened? I’m sure he did on some level, but we have not really seen it. Even in episode 5, when he argues with Hunter, Crosshair says he risked everything to send the message, but Hunter ignored him and allowed Omega to get abducted...but nothing about Tech’s death. They all just silently look down a few episodes later, when Tech is mentioned, and in the final episode Crosshair points out the team died with Tech. It’s something, but I wish there had been more. Maybe show different ways they deal with loss and how to support each other. Maybe Phee and/or Shep show them what funeral rites on Pabu are like, as a way to say goodbye to the departed. Compare how clones and civilians handle death, something like that. We had a little mourning in season 2, but again, was abruptly ended/undercut by Omega’s abduction.

Concerning consequences; the team operated pretty normally, once Crosshair was back with them. I think it would have added weight, if there had been more things they weren’t able to do at all without Tech. Really make his loss be felt/shown in the way they approach their missions, but there was only like one instance, when they were trying to find out about M-count and otherwise they operated pretty much as usual.

Now, even if Tech had survived there still should have been consequences. I have made posts like a year ago, talking about the possibility of him being permanently disabled (e.g. paralysed below hip/unable to walk), but still able to help the team, as his mind has always been his greatest asset. Still, I’m okay with him staying dead, so I’m not going expand on this further here.

Moving on, we never learned why Omega was created the way she was. We know why she was useful for Hemlock, but why did Nala Se made her to begin with? Did she have similar goals/did the Kaminioan have a similar project at some point? Was Emeri like a failed test-version of Omega? Just things I wish they had answered, rather than spending two episodes on finding out what M-count means, something the audience already knows.

Which brings me to my next point: why Ventress was in the show? The Batch found out what the M-count was, which honestly is a piece of information Shand could have given them at the end of her episode. Testing if Omega was force sensitive or the taming of that sea creature, didn’t set up anything in the finale as some suspected, so despite enjoying Ventress’ episode, I wish they’d used the time on other plot points. 

We also never did find out what exactly Project Necromancer tried to accomplish (though we got a good idea), or how close Hemlock was to achieving his breakthrough. Could have added tension, if we’d known how far along he truly was, added catharsis to see him fail so close to his goal.

Overall I’m not quite happy Omega got brought to Tantiss and escaped twice with minimal help (really undermining the place as a whole). Why did infiltrating Tarkin’s “summer home” feel more dangerous/consequential than the secret mountain-base they built up so much? I love we finally got a happy ending, but one named character on the good guys’ side should have died, not just nameless prisoners we only just met. This is where the clone rebellion could have come in, some sacrificing themselves, helping the Batch, or maybe have Phee (who felt underutilised) get shot down, after getting them to Tantiss.

If you’ve seen previous posts, you know I’m pretty mad about what they’ve done with Scorch overall. What happened in the final episode can be summed up like this:

He’s unrecognizable from the games and books, to the point I wonder why they even bothered to include him. He didn’t even really do anything. Was it just because he was recognizable? And where is the rest of Delta? We never got closure concerning Sev and now this, a waste of a pretty fun character.

Speaking of clones working for Hemlock.

While I don’t mind the CX-clones being no one special, they had no personality, and except for CX-2 perhaps, no rivalries with the Batch either. They didn’t even get voice lines, so they looked cool for 5 minutes of screen time and died, but were pretty forgettable overall. They are this far down on my list, ‘cause I legit forgot about them. If only they’d been introduced sooner.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I still like the show and would recommend it to any Star Wars fan, but there were a few things I just needed to get off my chest.

[iniziare]

Kafka crossed my thoughts tonight at random, and so I wanted to re-post a little something here, with some minor edits thrown in. I just think it's often overlooked how... many human elements they've tied into her. A hungering sense of curiosity, the inherent sense of longing that clings to her being like a fever, and how she's caught (very humanly so) between the belief of we are tied to fate and thus it shall be, and the insistence on choice and how the Trailblazer seems to be inherently representative of its existence. And then I think of what being 'human' entails, and one could argue that it represents the experience of life, before one's end by the hand of destiny/fate. Is that... why she's so enthralled by all these human concepts? Because she's so firmly tied to fate? Yes, I still linger in the thought that she bears strong connections to fate, there are too many hints at the Moirai to me to ignore. But it's not even that, it's her Spirit Whisper, it's that her wanted poster made by the Devils that she used to hunt on her home of Pteruges-V, had to describe the ability and what it does— which tells ms that it's not native to there. But— I'm getting sidetracked, this isn't about any kind of potential nature that is far from humanity, it's about the evidence, even if she may turn out not to be inherently human at some point in the future of HSR, that she is drawn to, portrays and in some form, lives, very human concepts. And one of the ways I tried to make that clear before, was by talking about her in relation to her violin— or more specifically: the presence of its absence, the latter being which I will always firmly believe to be the eternal overarching narrative of Kafka's character. Any way, onto the babble:

I'll forever remember looking into the notes of someone's playthrough of HSR's first scenes, which is just something I like to do because you never know what kind of little treasures you might find. And there was a violinist tucked away in there, who I'd also seen in the notes of her main trailer, commenting on the intense accuracy of the movement of her fingers. And then on top of that, how they've usually been let down by the details when other games have tried to simulate it as well, but it was more so done to iterate how intentional this must've been for Hoyo to have focused on its accuracy so much.

So in that sense, I think it's close to a given that she knows how to play it, similarly to how I believe that she is someone who also plays or has played the piano. Where I differ however, is that I don't believe that she actually owns a violin at present, nor is she seeking to obtain one by her own means. Moreover, what and where I think the 'mimicking' comes from, actually, is from her memories and the emotional attachment that she once held for these instruments in them. Kafka's character, to me, revolves around and thrives within two concepts, that of intimate longing and that of loss (the pearl earring, the broken winged butterfly pin, and Blade's character story to name some) which plays intricately into the former. Now for me, her connection to the violin and the piano (primarily the former) play wonderfully into representing both of these, and thus can be drawn into these prevalent topics across the board for her incredibly easily. In simple terms, I think that there is a sense of longing to play them. Now, I feel confident in noting that Kafka does not come across as one who, if she had access to (in this case) a violin of her own, that she would crave to play it so intensely all the time, that when drawn from it for even the briefest of time, that she would enact the part of playing one during her separation from it. No, I think she's actively choosing not to obtain one, for one reason or another. Perhaps it's a memory that plays into the loss that her character seems to stray towards, or perhaps it's a lack of something else; I don't quite yet dare say. But there's something oddly wistful about it, if you look past the surface. All in all, I think her little moments of mimicking and humming, makes for an incredibly interesting "little" tidbit to me. It reminds me of something I wrote in an older post last year:

(...) And yet, and yet, I actively think if she were to find herself in a hotel room, even on her own, and there would be a piano right there— I can see her fingers tracing over the keys so very clearly, even as if she were touching the keys to play and yet she would never press down.

I still stand by this to this day. It's the ache to do something again, and yet for one reason or another, you can't bring yourself to do it. Whether it feels wrong, or there's something missing, something or someone; it doesn't matter, it's a longing of some kind. It really is the overarching topic and/or concept that I see in her character, and the fact that she's tied to such an inherently fragile instrument, only further solidifies it in my brain. But in that, I also feel a deep sense of melancholy when I think of her and that violin. And it plays into all of this, of course, but also the fact that I genuinely see no evidence in canon at present that tells me that she has one, and we know she could obtain one if she so wanted to,but she doesn't. Which tells me, on some level, that she doesn't want one. Which then has me entertain the concept of... if one were gifted to her, would that be different? Would that offer the person who gifted it to her a glimpse that no one else could ever get? The answer is a very likely yes, but I can't see it being gifted by most by any means; it'd need to be by someone who could come to grasp the significance of one, put in the appropriate research, who would know where to go, who to speak to, where to find the significance. And that, isn't most people.

[queer-whatchamacallit]

Alright so I’m on season 4 of Shameless and have officially accepted its hyperfixation status

So here’s my incredibly detailed thoughts on some of these jerks, enjoy

Lip

He’s the whole reason I got into Shameless. I’m trying to go for the full Jeremy Allen White IMDb page (11/27), so I was instantly attached to him, he’s my little shithead

He wants to take care of his family so so bad. He’s insanely loyal to the little ones specifically, but he doesn’t care about the long term, he’s more terrified about the short term. That’s why he’s so against college for a while: his absence would set them back for years before it ever gave them a leg up

Yes he’s absurdly knowledgeable, but until he knows he’s in real shit, he just digs his claws into whatever he wants to do. I’ve been thinking of it as a lack of impulse control, but he can shut it off, cut the smartassery, even the anger issues he can manage to some degree, but if he thinks he can dodge consequences, he’ll be as destructive as he wants

If he’s given a responsibility, he’s going to take care of it. That’s why early on, he dodged things about college and gets annoyed by Fiona trying to put that on him to support the rest of them, but eventually, he accepts that if he wants good things for his family, that’s the way to do it. It’s also why he goes all in, dropping out and everything, when Karen’s pregnant because he thinks it’s his responsibility.

He’s so so latched on to Karen in a way that’s really interesting to me. It’s clear he wanted an actual relationship with her, but her turning around and fucking Frank really did mess Lip up as Kevin said. He went so all in with the baby and that loss fucked him up so bad that it instantly gives him commitment issues. He didn’t seem bothered by Mandy until Kevin called her his “ghetto wife” and Lip freaked out and tried to get as distant from her as he could

But now in season 4, he takes taking care of Liam and the other kids as his responsibility along with going to MIT to support everyone financially. He puts his everything into those too, but I’m wondering how much responsibility he can take before his destructive impulses ruin something for him

Debbie

All of you need to calm the fuck down, she’s my baby

She cares too hard. She hasn’t started hiding it like her older siblings have, and it hurts to watch her forgive and forgive and forgive until she’s beating the shit out of Frank with a bag of bar soaps, and then start forgiving again but never really getting over it

She wants to follow in Fiona’s footsteps so so bad, destroying herself for others when she’s still so little

She babysits the whole summer then gets outcast the whole school year. It’s a lot to have on your shoulders, and I almost get relieved when she complains about boy problems or not getting her period yet because that’s her getting to be a normal preteen girl

It’s always fascinating to me when she gets violent. We think of sensitive as being nonviolent, but people can hurt her more easily than they can others, and it’s not great, but it’s understandable to want them to hurt back

She changes a lot for season 4, but even in trying to distance herself from Fiona, she’s still following in her footsteps. After so many years of rejection, she needs to be wanted so so bad by whoever will give it to her. One of the only characters I actively hate is Matty for pulling some will they won’t they shit with her. Please just cut her off dude. But I can see her starting to fake nonchalance toward her family while reaching out for anyone to give her what they won’t, and it’s devastating what everything is starting to do to her

Ian

He’s kind of best to talk about before and after he left home

Before, he sort of got lost in whatever came up to him. Kash wanted him, so he became loyal to Kash, always trying to be more mature than he should have to be and being a pillar of support for him at 15. Then, Mickey comes along, and he gets pulled into him too, fighting to get closer and closer. Happens with Ned too I think when Mickey’s in juvie for a bit, playing mature again. To be a Gallagher is to be desperate, and Ian wants sex from whatever guy will have him

In his family, he’s much more quiet, always standing beside Lip and letting him do the talking. Even if he flips him off whenever he can, Ian doesn’t really fight back against Frank. He never tells anyone what’s going on with him because he knows everything is kind of a mess, and doesn’t want anyone to tell him to stop. He doesn’t want to go against what his family wants from him so he hides it when he does

Something I really like about his earlier seasons characterization is that he’s kinda rough and tumble manly army guy that mixes perfectly with his being gay. Watching him be with someone that’s a lot like him, that he gets to roughhouse with and share this particular brand of strength and masculinity or die type of culture, is so fascinating to watch. To quote Jeremy Allen White, “Whenever they beat the shit out of each other and then fuck, that’s like- that’s awesome.”

And then, when Mickey gets married and he only learns about the engagement from Mandy, that everything he put into Mickey gets fucked over, and the only person he’s ever felt this connected to has rejected him. He can’t deal with seeing him, so he does anything he can think of to get himself into the army and away from everything here that has hurt him

Now for season 4 Ian. He’s been so quiet, so bound to never disappointing anyone that when he starts experiencing bipolar symptoms, he leans hard into it right away. He tries to steal a helicopter, he’s done being controlled by others, he’s going to run away and be as free as he can get

He wants sex, so he’s going to have as much of it as possible. He feels in control even if he isn’t. He goes and goes and goes. He works out all morning then fucks all night, he’s high out of his mind, and he still has too much energy. He decides this is what freedom is

When his family and Mickey start trying to drag him back home, he tries to dig his heels in. He feels good and in control here, so why should he go back. When he finally does head home, he tries to keep his rush going, going for runs and making pancakes before the sun comes up, but when he sees Mickey with his son and his wife, he starts to spiral

Ian wants him to be free like he is, to feel as good as he did

Mickey coming out was a massive risk, much bigger than it ever was for Ian, and that sacrifice gets Ian to set aside his betrayal again and protect Mickey. With all his army muscle and manic energy, he goes apeshit on Terry Milkovich, not holding back in any way

But the next day, his months of going and going and going finally catch up him and throws his ass fully into a depressive episode

So yeah, I want to do tier lists with them, but no categories fully describe my feelings toward them. I worry about them. I care about them. I’m scared for the next time they’ll fuck up. The most interesting thing for a character to be is desperate, and they all need something so so bad, even if it’s just enough money to keep the lights on. I’ll probably do more characters, they’re all fascinating

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Ange as I await your post show thoughts 24 hours later, I kinda have to send mine in now (I can't help it...thoughts are swirling, though I will need to lie down)

Thank HBO for sparing us more Alicole fucking....the good thing about Cole being at war is that we don't have to see them fuck anymore thank GOD. This episode definitely felt more blacks-oriented, though the scenes we got of the Greens were still interesting, I think. Annoyingly, only two scenes with Aemond, one of which I definitely have thoughts on. The young Rhaenyra cameo...Matt Smith rlly told so much with his expressions, it was just, wow. Also Alys Rivers intro 👀

Helaena saying she forgave Alicent- my poor girl, she really deserves better than her hot mess ass family. The scene of Aemond caught by Aegon in the brothel....aside from getting so upset on his behalf, cause good grief, Aegon, even your friends know better than to laugh at Aemond, because he's AEMOND- it felt as though they're building up to Aemond being faced with a choice to betray Aegon and take the crown, most likely at Rook's Rest, when he's injured. I know he didn't snap back at Aegon because Aegon's king, and he can't hurt the King, but still. Of course, I have to mention.....FULL FRONTAL AEMOND. Yes, my heart did race fast as FUCK when that came on....I was NOT expecting it, and I am going to lie down now. The scene of Rhaenyra and Alicent meeting was definitely a choice...still not sure how I feel bout it yet to be honest. I liked the episode, despite my issues such as pacing and others, many of which I share with you. One of my biggest is just Aemond screen time, to be honest. He's yet to have. a proper scene with Alicent or Helaena, and idk....I suppose I just hoped for a little more green unity with him and Aegon, but I guess we'll have to see.

-🦋 anon

Hello! Once more using your ask to dump my episode thoughts.

I felt the absence of Otto this episode. I feel like Rhys’s performance has carried the last couple of episodes. It felt a little flat without him.

I know that they aren’t following the plot of the Dance as it happens in Fire and Blood but the show feels like sloppily written fan fiction at this point.

They couldn’t show us even a couple of minutes of the Bracken vs Blackwood battle?!

Very much enjoyed the introduction of Gwayne and Alys, their performances were minimal but incredibly impactful.

I don’t subscribe to Team politics, however, I do feel the writing favours Team Black, but to their detriment. Rhaenyra has been softened to the point she is unrecognisable. Her sneaking into King’s Landing dressed as a septa was utterly pointless, really silly and achieved absolutely nothing.

I’m also disappointed that Rhaena has been dismissed as a glorified babysitter.

And Helaena?! What the fuck?! She is devastated by the loss of Jaehaerys in the book - what the hell are they doing with her character?!

I did like Daemon’s “capture” of Harrenhal. Simon Strong is an absolute G, and Daemon’s horrified reaction to his hallucination of Rhaenyra was fantastically acted by Matt Smith.

I am so disappointed by the brothel scene - don’t get me wrong, Ewan’s acting was phenomenal, but it feels like such a flimsy premise to set the two brothers upon each other (I think we all know at this point that the writers are going to have Aemond betray Aegon) - this is such a ridiculous catalyst for it. I also fear they are going to further darken Aemond’s character by having him kill Sylvie.

I hate this fucking show so much, and yet I love it and its characters so much, so I will return week after week, despite the fact it continues to break my heart.

[sympetali]

Since it seems like CRWBY is heavily hinting at big Ruby and Jaune moments in the episode tomorrow, I thought I’d share this think piece drabble I decided to write in the middle of the day a few weeks ago (haha undiagnosed adhd, am I right?)

Here’s the thing about Ruby and Jaune: I think they have one of the most interesting dynamics in the series.

They meet in the first few episodes, and they’re immediately sort of bonding about being outsiders. They don’t feel like they belong in this space: Ruby is too young and Jaune literally bluffed his way in. Jaune calls Ruby cute (this is not an inherently romantic reading of their relationship,) and sort of hints at romantic interest in her before he sees Weiss and well… we all know how that goes. Ruby thinks Jaune is kind of a dweeb, but in the affectionate “you’re weird, I like you” sort of way. It’s a very light-hearted first conversation. But beyond those surface level introductory interactions, then we have the fact that these two become the most unlikely team leaders. They both become responsible for three other people, and Ruby points that out to Jaune in one of the most prominent moments for him early on. The others being his work with Pyrrha about accepting help and his confrontation with Cardin which is like, the defining moment for him—one where he puts both Ruby and Pyrrha’s advice to work. And that alone could be very telling about how close they are. But it doesn’t end there.

Something I think that makes these two so intrinsically linked is their very specific shared grief. No one else knew Pyrrha was going to die and no one else had to see Pyrrha die. Jaune knew the minute she kissed him and ran off. Ruby, still just a 16 year old kid, had to see it. And suddenly both of them are feeling this heartache in a way no one else can understand. But they can understand each other. We don’t know if Jaune ever even told anyone about that kiss, but we do know he called out desperately to the others about her going to do something reckless (hats off to Miles Luna for that scene because holy cow,) and Ruby was already barreling headfirst into hero mode. Pyrrha’s death will play in a loop in both of their heads for a long time.

Then we have the span of time that volumes 4-6 take place in. Ruby, with no team of her own, sets off with Jaune, Ren, and Nora. They acknowledge that at this point, things are incredibly different and they’re following Ruby. Jaune takes a backseat in terms of direct leadership, but he’s still a unifying voice. He understands Ren and Nora a bit more, and I think we see that in their battles scenes. But still, Jaune so easily follows Ruby. He believes in her. He doesn’t know what it is exactly they can do at the place they’re in, but he’s ready to figure it out with her. He’s going to keep improving and he’s going to keep supporting her. I think that’s really beautiful. Their like, little reunion at the end of Vol 3 is very sweet to me. It reads very much like a ride or die, I will follow you into the dark sort of situation. Everything these characters know has been completely flipped on its head, but all they can think to do is keep pushing on. Keep moving forward. And it’s clear that at this moment in time, Ruby and Jaune need each other to do that. Yes, Jaune has Ren and Nora but he lost his partner. And we know that that loss has him pushing Ren and Nora away for awhile. He doesn’t know how to grieve with them. He’s afraid. Ruby doesn’t have her team anymore at all. Yang is despondent. Blake is missing. Weiss was forced to go home. She leans on the people she knows she still has, but we have to assume she also feels the absence of Pyrrha in that space. Everything in Team RNJR/JNR is kind of fragile. They want to pick up the pieces and do the next right thing, but it’s also very hard to do so when there’s so much they’re not saying or doing.

Ruby and Jaune have excellent little moments of casual intimacy as well. There’s a real softness between them. And again, this is not necessarily a romantic reading of their connection, but it’s not NOT a romantic reading. Jaune’s double down on his belief in her before the fight against the Nukaleve, his determination to keep her safe from Tyrion, even butting heads with Qrow (another dynamic I love to scream about,) Jaune is always just so steadfast in his faith in her. The same way that past all the teasing, Ruby’s faith in Jaune is a huge part of his confidence as a leader. Their reunion in Argus is my favorite moment between them. He is so relieved to see her alive and she just wants that moment to feel good and light so she reminds him she promised they’d see each other there. And he has to smile. And they share this lovely hug that feels so cozy and safe and like something they both needed. There’s so many important relationships and bonds in this story, but I really do think that outside of the main four, this one is imperative to the narrative. It’s one that we as the audience have literally followed since the beginning. Any way you read the relationship, they are so important to each other and their connection is a driving force in their motivations. They make each other better.

But we’ve reached a point now where these two haven’t had a lot of time with each other since they took on their own challenges in Mantle and Atlas. Not to mention the new and unique position they’re in with Jaune having aged rapidly in the Ever After. We have Ruby at her weakest mentally. She’s lost all hope. She’s feeling the weight of everything she’s learned and she’s seen and she’s done, and she’s gonna have to reckon with Jaune’s decision to mercy kill Penny on top of that? Now, I fully believe that Ruby is typically the kind of person that after an emotional initial reaction, she would sort of step back and be introspective. She would offer that understanding to the best of her ability. It would be hard no matter what, but she would see Jaune, Jaune especially actually, for who he is and why he did that and not focus on the action itself. But again, this isn’t Ruby like we know her. This is Ruby already wrecked by grief and on the cusp of just completely giving up. She might really lose it over this, and her and Jaune could have an incredibly difficult moment. Maybe even a division we see follow them for awhile. But I think that would only add to the emotional impact of their relationship. Again, they are sharing a profound grief that cannot be felt by anyone else. Ruby did everything she could to keep Penny around, and she lost her anyway. And Jaune would have never wanted to do what he did but he put Penny’s wishes first, even if that left him in a much worse state. We all love Penny and we understand her naivety in that request, but it’s hard not to at least think about the quiet cruelty of it. We know Jaune agreed because he wanted to do what he thought was best in that moment, but we as the viewer have to try to see it from all angles. He’s the one who has to live with that decision, not anybody else. And he has to know the way that might affect his relationships with other people, particularly Ruby. They are always balancing on these scales, I think. They’re trying so hard to do the right thing and when either one of them makes a misstep, it’s the other that seems to help move the weight. Now we’re in this precarious position where it could be Jaune’s actions that tip Ruby really far down. And that’s fascinating because it’s so easy to sympathize with both sides. We hurt for Ruby’s loss and we hurt for Jaune’s too. He also loved Penny, but there’s all these other layers. He had to take a life, which isn’t something he ever wanted to do, much less an innocent one: one of somebody he cared for. But also— there’s one other person who once ended a version of Penny’s life. Pyrrha. And I know deep in my bones that that thought crossed his mind. Pyrrha is always with Jaune. Literally and figuratively. What is the sword he carries, and killed Penny with, forged from?

This also draws a new and specific thread from Pyrrha to Ruby and Jaune’s relationship. Ruby knew Pyrrha didn’t mean to kill Penny 1.0. I don’t think she ever even thought about that. But again, Ruby isn’t the same person she was the first time she lost her.

Idk. Much to think about. I love Ruby and Jaune so much, individually and together, and I’m very anxious to see what’s in store for them.

[brzatto]

Yes!!! The story itself is so interesting and gripping (lol) but the characters, specifically mia, we’re SO WELL WRITTEN. I only really put it together after I got home but mia is so well written that the progression of her choices make PERFECT SENSE and I feel like in horror movies that’s pretty hard to do. She was the perfect victim in so many ways!! This poor girl!!

spoiler warnings

right!!! i genuinely loved all of the characters in the main cast i found them all really human or likable in some way but sophie wilde is such an incredible actress and brings mia to life so convincingly. it took my second watch for the whole story to really sink in for me in its entirety and it’s so tragic seeing mia get taken advantage of like that, being introduced to her as someone sensitive and loving and bright and funny but also being vulnerable because of her grief. i felt like the pacing was perfect and it’s rare these days for movies to feel that way, the impact it delivers in spite of its 90 min runtime is so good and we’re just stuck helpless to witness the inevitable descent of mia’s character and the slow blur of reality for her. also after all my watches i couldn’t help but notice all these little details about her: she’s grappling with the loss of her mother and has an estranged relationship with her father because being around him reminds her of her mother’s absence, she spends all her time with jade and her family and relies on them to feel emotionally fulfilled but has been feeling isolated ever since jade started dating daniel, she makes efforts to step out and interact with new people/make new friends (like at hayley’s party) but ends up being rebuffed, she’s incredibly touch starved, hayley describes her as clingy and she visibly crumples when jade tells her she wishes mia didn’t force her way into her family, her biggest fear is being alone/not being present in the lives of the people she loves (her recurring nightmare about not being able to see her reflection which we see come full circle at the end of the film) etc etc… i love this movie so so much and i genuinely think it’s a fun and engaging story but also rewatching it is painful because it’s so tragic since i genuinely love and feel for mia like ik it’s literally a horror movie but i just want an alternate universe where i get to see everyone be happy and good 😭😭 sophie wilde delivered such a fantastic performance and i really hope she gets her flowers for this

[khaleesiofalicante]

dani hi, how are you?

so my debate thing is tomorrow and I'm a ball of nerves. we have to prepare our speech and so I've thought of points like - viewers preferences surpassing the need to deliver the actual news, breaking news culture in our country, political affiliations within the media where the media supports a particular political party, more focus on celebs life than real news, and also the insensitive way in which gender based violence cases are reported

but I spoke to one of my teachers and she said (and I agree with her) that most of the points are pretty common, like almost everyone will think of these points only. so she told me to go for an angle which no one must have thought of and something that's pretty unique. now I have to write my speech and I'm just at a loss of what else to include? also can you suggest any impactful/ good way of ending it?

also, in what order should I keep my points in my speech? I don't want it to be abrupt transition and all

Okay, yes, these are some 'common' points but these are also important points. It's very much in how you say it, not what you say. This is why I encouraged you to include examples and stats wherever possible because that's what will make your speech stand out. There is a difference between saying "there is a tendency for journalists and media to create sensationalists headlines to spread misogyny" and making the following point:

In the case above, a woman called the cops after she got into an altercation with a security guard. However, the police constables who arrived at the scene were forcing her to come to the police station late at night, despite the absence of a female constable (which is illegal). She stripped in order to protest the incident and to prevent the police from harassing her further. However, in this article, a story of harassment is turned into a provocative headline. For instance, using the terms ‘posh building’ could imply that the woman is wealthy and “loose”. The headline could have been framed in a way that highlighted the woman’s distress rather than the act of “stripping in front of cops”, which has sexualized undertones. (Source)

What I'm trying to say is it's completely okay to talk about common points as long as you validate them with good examples.

But if you do want more angles, some things to think about (although i am not sure whether you will have the time to research about all of this, always go with a topic you know well for a debate, because it's easier to be confident about something you're familar with)

Paid News: Some media houses publish news articles that are essentially paid content, blurring the lines between advertising and journalism. This compromises the objectivity and trustworthiness of the news. (This goes along with corruption which is a common topic too, but this is an interesting way of framing it)

Trial by Media: Media outlets sometimes conduct their own "trials" in high-profile cases, declaring individuals guilty or innocent before the judicial system has had its say. This can influence public opinion and potentially prejudice court proceedings. (Very relevant for GBV cases - especially where the media judges whether the victim is 'innocent' or not)

Lack of Fact-Checking: In the rush to break news first, some journalists and news organizations forego thorough fact-checking, leading to the dissemination of false or misleading information. This can harm reputations and misinform the public. (Big issue! You can talk about how the lack of this leads to misinformation - and can cause chaos during situations like COVID)

As for the ending, you can actually use what i shared yesterday, about the lack of accountability from the public and the government which further reinforces irresponsible journalism.

Good luck for tomorrow!

[arcplaysgames]

yeah because Mitsuo is not the killer, I know this, you know this, we all know this

if finding a fake killer gets me tuna tho i'm in, i'll frame a man every day, i don't care

WAIT WAIT THE STORYBOOK FROM THE SUN LINK IN P3P GOT PUBLISHED? Man its a dark children's book. Beautiful but nihilistic. You know the kids who read that are going to have a lot of difficult questions their parents do not wanna answer. Good, though.

Summer Festival! Nanako is adorable. AND GET THIS. BRACE YOURSELVES. MAKE SURE YOU ARE SITTING DOWN AND HOLDING ONTO SOMETHING.

DOJIMA ACTUALLY SHOWS UP TO TAKE CARE OF HIS DAUGHTER. I KNOW. I KNOOOOOOW. Shocking. Usually this girl is being raised by six teenagers and the human personification of a mascot character.

A STUNNING turn of events!

Teddie is such a manipulator lmao. First he suggests everyone pair off to enjoy the festival bc That's What You Do At Festivals, then gets the boys deliberating who should go with who, then while everyone is all turned around, he swoops in to take all the girls out around the festival so no one is 'left out.'

lmao. i love Teddie. I'm actually trying to pin down why Yosuke's horny boy bullshit annoys me but Teddie does not. It may be because he's SO flagrant about it, he's SO over the top, you know going in its a Yes, And scenario. Or, you can slap him, lmao.

After, Rise invited me out to a one on one date to the festival. She's very funny and boisterous but I think I'm friendzoning everyone in this playthru. I haven't found anyone I wanna date. And I know there is one more option coming so I don't want to accidentally pen myself in, like with Akihiko and late-comer Aigis. Poor Aigis.....

Not about to let anyone begin to assume he's a good dad, over in the Hierophant SLink, Dojima reveals that his wife died in a hit and run while Nanako was in nursery school. Which explains why Nanako barely remembers her.

Dojima's whole deal is that he's still working that case, still trying to find out who killed his wife. He claims its for Nanako, that someday in the future, she'll appreciate it.

And listen. The trauma of your spouse being murdered is not a joke. That's really heavy stuff. Your life falls apart as a pillar is just suddenly taken out, and surviving the loss of that kind of load-bearing structure is very fucking hard. I got zero judgement there.

However. Nanako doesn't give a shit. Her mother is a distant figure that doesn't affect her life anymore but via her absence. There is zero doubt in my mind that Nanako would remember Dojima more fondly as a man who stepped up to be her fucking father rather than having the closure for, sorry, a woman she has likely already forgotten the face of.

So again: get your shit together, Dojima.

SUMMER BEACH EPISODE. lmao poor kanji on his bike. also, Teddy is in bear mode. WHY is Teddie in bear mode? That seems much harder to travel with.

I'm not even gonna squint at Yosuke. Yosuke, someday, you will look back on your youth and feel so goddamn embarrassed at yourself. You are the very model of a modern repressed bisexual.

LMAO irl cackling. his response is so blaise. "why would i????" hahaha

lmao i missed it but chie and kanji were racing at like mach speed.

Of course because we need shenanigans, Teddie has been pulling at swimsuits to no avail. Well, almost no avail.

Hey, what is with the lightning bruiser boys and their tiny swimsuits, lmao. We are creating such a Specific trope here with them, it's bemusing. The venn diagram is something all right.

(Wait i JUST fucking noticed that Kanji has a fucking scar in the exact same place Akihiko does. What the fuck. That is a WILD coincidence.)

FUCKING YOSUKE AND REVERIE'S AVERTED GAZES LMAO. gdi teddie.

the voice acting here is a fucking treat, i cannot tell you enough.

everyone's doing amazing, sweetie

compared to the spring camping trip, this is a ten out of ten

[blueberrypancakesworld]

~ Bones ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

warnings : tournament , swordfighting

next chapter , masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The light of the midday sun blinded her as she stepped out of the castle. It seemed as if the sun was giving her back her reality. As if what she had just experienced was only a legend, a myth, a dream, and in reality she was still lying in her bed on Bear Island. But at the latest when she pinched herself in the arm she realised that it was not a dream. From the encounter with the hand to the conversation between the kings, everything seemed too improbable to have happened. But what made her heart beat faster and what she became joyfully and painfully aware of was that it came from the princess. Was it really the feeling of love? She didn't know or she tried to suppress it, whatever it was it seemed to take over her thoughts. The cute smile, the infectious laugh, the violet beautiful eyes - everything about Rhaenyra made her heart beat faster. It was wonderful.

With a broad smile, she walked across the tournament square and in her madness of love, she did not notice the looks of the others around her. Instead, she was only jolted out of her thoughts when she arrived at her companions. ,, I see it must have gone well my lady," her maid said as she entered the tent. ,, Oh yes it is wonderful the princess she is just so different from what I had imagined. She is not stuck-up or conceited, she even wanted to ride Visenya right away," she reported excitedly and gratefully accepted the goblet of beer. But she saw in her maid's eyes that something was wrong. As hard as it was for her, she knew she was still Lady Mormont and had other duties. ,, My lady, a raven arrived shortly after you left, it's from the advisor," she warned and handed her the small rolled up piece of paper. She unrolled it and saw from the writing that it was really from her adviser and not forged by her uncle. Or so she hoped.

My Lady Mormont

Since your absence two days ago, not much has happened. Your uncle and his men have complied with your request for the time being and the thieves and looters who have come have been successfully driven back. In fact without casualties which is very good considering the situation. Lord Stark has sent some of your men back to Bear Island after he too set out to go to the Tuneir. They are only a handful but they will be warmly received. However, I have not only good news. A raven flew to us on the island and was immediately collected by your uncle. He forbade me to read the note and sent me out of his room. In addition, a few of our ships have been refurbished through the generosity of the Lord Stark as a reward for your loyalty and with a small amount of coin. I will continue to write to you and await your return.

Your advisor

Taking a deep gulp from her goblet, she emptied it and placed it a little too firmly on the table. ,, Is everything alright?" the maid asked anxiously when she saw the pensive expression in her mistress' eyes. ,, Bring me ink, paper and ready a raven " she ordered and did not answer the question. I will never escape my duties she thought and her thoughts went to her father. He had always had time for the island and his daughter. But how ? She herself had hardly any time, because besides the defence and the business, there was hardly any. But she also knew that having a husband would make things easier. But that was something she refused. She had had to fight for this place since her birth. I will not lose this power she said before she had the paper and ink in front of her. She took the black feather out of its holder and began to write the letter of reply.

It seems to me that you remain my only trustworthy eye and ear on the island. It is good that the attacks are prevented and without losses. I give him credit for that, my uncle knows how to fight after all. I will personally thank Lord Stark and send a raven to Winterfell to his wife as well. As for my uncle's letter, keep an eye on him. If it is only about some business that does not harm us and is his own business and is paid out of his own pocket, we should not worry about it for the time being. However, if there is even a hint of a takeover, inform me immediately. I will probably stay until the end of the feast as the princess has been very well received, much to my delight. I think we will be back in a week.

The Lady Mormont

She let go of the pen and put it on the table before she flew over the words one last time and rolled up the letter. ,, Let the raven fly at once, it must arrive quickly," she told her maid and gave her the letter before she disappeared from the tent. Shortly after, the young bear also rose before she left the tent. Her fighter was busy sharpening her sword while her commander looked at a cauldron of stew and prepared it. ,, There will be stew, we got good meat from the Glovers as an apology," she said and nodded. ,, Tell them thanks if you see them," she told him before heading off to find the Starks' tent. Luckily for her, it didn't take long. It seemed the bigger and more influential the house, the bigger and more conspicuous the tent. This was also true of the Starks' tent, which was larger than that of the people from the North. It was like the direwolf of their house in a greyish tone. The northern guard's retinue was much larger than theirs, and he must have brought twenty men with him. But how could it be otherwise? The men around the tent gave her an appreciative nod, a smile, or gave her a glance.

They knew the young bear but what they thought of her even she did not know. If their lord said kill me, they would she thought and turned her gaze back straight ahead. The two guards opened the tent flap for her and she stepped inside. ,, The Lady Y/n Mormont of Bear Island" one of the men announced. Lord Stark looked from his desk to her and a smile spread across his lips. ,, A bear by the wolf," he said and greeted her with a handshake. ,, One almost feels at home again, my lord," she replied and looked at the decorated tent for a moment. Hers, on the other hand, seemed just too pathetic. ,, Too kind, my lady, to what do I owe the honour?" he asked and sat down again behind his table. While a squire she had never seen before poured them wine, she sat down opposite him. ,, My lord, I just wanted to thank you for your kindness to my men. My advisor wrote to tell me that you had sent some back home. Also for the renewal of my ships and the amount of coins," she enumerated before taking a sip of the wine. But the bearded man only shook his head and smiled weakly. ,, You have always stood by me faithfully since your appointment as Lady. Not to mention the few battles you have fought for me. Believe me, you are more able to defend yourselves than many a warrior from the north," he began and took a sip of the wine. ,, You honour me my lord," she said and her chest filled with pride. There were only a handful of battles, but she had survived them all and once even killed the lord himself, even if she had to catch an arrow for it.

And still she was only a small light in the ranks of the wolf, everyone knew that. ,, You are one of my most loyal and yet proudest barrels and it is my duty to reward you and I hope you will continue to be so strong," he said and raised his goblet briefly. ,, Of course my lord I will not disappoint you. My power and my sword are yours," she said before emptying the goblet and bowing. ,, Well then, I hope to see some of your powers at the tournament," he said and winked. Disbelief spread across her face. Is he serious? she asked herself and smiled weakly. ,, My lord, with all due respect, I'm not sure if I should do it. I wanted to avoid the attention, if I may be honest...besides, it's a physical strain every time. Which of course doesn't mean I wouldn't do it in slaughter for you. I will become your bear anytime you wish," she defended herself. But the man with the direwolf as his crest only laughed. He did not laugh at her, he seemed to find it amusing. ,, Of course I realise what it does to you but please consider fighting today for the King's favour and a little glamour on a small house from the North wouldn't be bad, would it?" he left her with the question before she bowed gravely and went out. 

The sun had already almost set at the edge of the sky and gradually all the lords were getting ready to eat. So she decided to go back, as she had no plans and the day had sapped her strength. Only minutes later she arrived back at her tent and saw her companions already sitting around the fire. Alyssa was also lying with them and grumbled when she saw her rider. Wordlessly, she settled down with them and leaned against her bear. ,, I gave her a large part of the meat. We weren't sure about the hunt," her maid told her before handing her a bowl of stew. ,, It's all right, as long as there's some left for us," she replied, looking at the meat in the soup. When she took the first spoonful, it tasted mouthwatering - her commander hadn't been bluffing when he said he could cook. She took a second and tasted the meat. Only when she turned her gaze from the fire to her companions did she see again that something was wrong. By the bears, please not another letter, she hoped as she put the bowl down. ,, What's wrong?" she asked, looking from one to the other. ,, My lady, the meat is not from the former Lord Glover's brother as I thought, it came from the new lord's nephew," the warrior confessed. Despite not liking the new lord, she did not want to grumble.

Instead she shrugged her shoulders and took the bowl in her hands again. ,, It doesn't matter as long as it tastes good. Please take some more, we still have a lot to do," she said and the mood changed again into a pleasant one. They ate until the early hours of the night before they all went either to their posts or to bed. As her maid helped her undress, she briefly looked at herself in the small silver plate that acted as a mirror. Something seemed to bother her, she knew she could not compete with the beauty of the other ladies of the court. She didn't have any expensive beautiful dresses or other pretty things. But what worried her was what the princess thought of her. ,, Say, do you think I'm pretty?" she asked, looking down at herself before the maid smoothed out her nightgown. ,, Of course you have your mother's beauty. 

All of Bear Island and even the other houses of the North have respected you over the years, and not only because of your strength," she assured the younger girl. ,, Is everything alright?" it was now her turn to ask. The young bear hesitated for a moment before she started counting, ,, Today someone called me the flower of Bear Island. It was flattering and the Northmen show me respect but I...I'm not sure about my strength or if they actually find me beautiful". The maid nodded as she understood the problem and took her mistress' hands in hers. ,, You are what you want to be. If you want to be the flower of Bear Island then be it. Blossom in all your beauty and wear it with Mormont pride. If you want to be the bear, be her and strike down with your sword any enemy that stands in your way and still you would lose nothing of your beauty. You are wonderful," she said and Y/n embraced her. ,, Thank you so much," said the Mormont and gave her a smile. There may already be someone," she said and her maid clapped her hands in delight. ,, Well then, I hope and pray to the old gods that it turns out in your favour," she giggled happily before they chatted a little more before they both went to sleep. ,, Sleep well my lady," she heard her maid say as she blew out the last candle. ,, Sleep well too," the young Mormont said before letting the softness of her bed put her to sleep.

Darkness surrounded her before her mind settled down and she fell asleep. Out of the darkness, an image came in like a wave over her. A seemingly endless meadow of flowers appeared under her sitting body and the most diverse flowers in every kind of colour seemed to burst and grow over all. It was beautiful as if it were the endless summer. The sun shone warmly and pleasantly on her skin and the wind had a nice breeze. But what caught her eye was the other person who seemed to have suddenly appeared next to her. ,, Rhaenyra" she said as she recognised the princess and she smiled at her. The gentle smile on her lips, the beautiful engaging eyes and her nature were all it took for the young Mormont to draw closer. They both, however, did not seem to know what to do. Which is why they both let their eyes wander over the meadow and the birds in the sky. Only when Y/n gently felt Raenyra's fingers on her hand did she allow herself a glance. The princess had taken her hand and was gently stroking the back of the older woman's hand with her thumb. But even though she tried not to blush with nervousness, her heart beat all the faster. ,, Y/n?" came the princess's questioning voice and she turned to her. But instead of meeting the younger girl and hoping for a kiss, it was her uncle who was suddenly beside her. His hand gripped hers firmly and before she could react he had drawn a dagger and plunged it into her chest.

With a flick of her eyes, she was no longer trapped in her dream. The tent was lit by the light of morning. However, she could already hear some people working outside. She felt the rapid beat of her heart and her hand went to her chest. But her uncle's dagger was not there. She was sure. ,, My lady, are you all right?" she heard her maid ask, who was already up but seemed confused as to why her mistress was too. The younger one threw the skins aside and sat on the edge of the bed. ,, Yes, it was just a dream," she said placatingly and reached for a glass of water. ,, Are the others already awake?" she asked as she got up from the bed and stretched. ,, Yes, they are putting on their armour and then we will have breakfast," the maid replied before reaching for her mistress' clothes and helping her undress, wash and dress. 

Only when she had the security of her clothes again and no dress around her, including the long claw, she was more or less rested. But when her gaze caught in the mirror and she saw herself, her dream flashed before her inner eye. "The princess and I..." she thought deep in thought and felt the pleasant tingling in her belly when she thought of them holding hands. But she shook her head as she heard the call for breakfast before she went out. The sun gradually came out again and greeted the people of the land. ,, Did you sleep well my lady?" asked the commander who handed her a plate with egg and bacon. ,, Unfortunately, no, not particularly," she said curtly, hoping to bury her thoughts of her uncle. She was not stupid, she knew that dreams always had a message, a hint of truth. I pray it doesn't come true, she thought as she bit down on the bacon and moved her hand down to Longclaw's grip. ,, I overheard some chatter, the tournament starts at noon today, will we attend?" the commander asked, addressing his mistress.

She put the wooden plate aside and let Alyssa lick it clean. ,, We are at a festival, I think we should try our luck a little. You will fight for me but don't overdo it. We can't afford a badly injured or even dead commander," she told the man, who nodded. But they all knew it was true, the maid was not even trained, her warrior had prevented a few raids, she could fight but in a tournament fight she would have been defeated. But the commander seemed to be the most capable of them all. ,, Of course," he said curtly before continuing to eat. They all went about their business sometime after breakfast. But Y/n decided to turn to her bear. ,, Take it easy, you're not going to fight today," she said to her animal. Alyssa seemed to be getting nervous with all the clatter of putting on armour and grinding swords. They had often prevented the attacks on Bear Island together and had also fought together in battles for the Starks. But now it was different, and today she hoped everything would go normally. She stroked her bear before she mounted and decided to walk the animal around the arena for a while. A run will do her good, she thought as she stroked her bear from time to time. She saw the men of the houses almost all dressed in armour. Either with the help of squires or their sons and brothers. But it was logical they all wanted to earn the king's favour and get the prize. A place in the king's guard.

But the young Mormont herself did not want that, that alone was a reason not to take part in the tournament. In the King's Guard one was restricted, one lived only for one person. You lost all your freedom. I don't think I could do that, she thought, and was met with resistance when she imagined living for only one person. Alyssa growled and seemed to sense her rider's thoughts. ,, All is well my little Skagos," she said in the old language and the bear yawned. Her eyes moved from the shields to the armour. They all seemed either newly made or newly bought. Absolutely everyone seemed to have just about perfect armour. Highly polished and beautifully crafted. But of course it was the Lannisters who outshone everything again. Golden armour with lion heads on the shoulders. A lion for a helmet and it seemed to shine as brightly as the sun. A beautiful piece of metal but almost impractical she thought with a smile but she was sure that even the most skilled knight could still kill in such armour.

If his enemy did not die first due to blindness. She turned her bear and rode back when she noticed the first ones heading for the tournament place. Back at her tent she clapped her hands appreciatively when she saw her commander in polished and perfect armour. ,, A rare sight". ,, More like an old feeling," he replied and smiled. He took the reins of his horse and the small group also took what they needed to join in if they did. The tournament site itself was only a few minutes walk away. From a distance they could hear the excited people sitting in the stands. ,, How does the tournament work?" asked the maid who was carrying the bandages and equipment. ,, They go from the nameless knights without a house and the houses to the most honourable and powerful at the top. Well, I guess our house is more in the middle upper category because of our connection to the Starks and our loyalty," the commander explained and the younger one nodded understandingly. ,, What are the chances?" said the young Mormont when they had found a small place among the many hundreds. The older one let his gaze wander and slid over all the opponents before he laughed silently. ,, Most of these guys are still green behind the ears. The older ones have only fought a few real battles, if that. But the rest I can handle," he gave his opinion and Y/N nodded reassuringly. She tried to catch a glimpse of the extra place of the king and his closest allies as well as the hand and his daughter. But the crowds and the frenzy blocked her view. They applauded when Viserys declared the tournament open and announced that his wife was in heat. But their concern lay somewhat with the queen. He should be with her, she thought as she took Longclaw from its scabbard and began to sharpen it.

A process that was actually superfluous and yet it was necessary so that she would not go mad with nervousness. It took almost two hours to work through the lowest category of fighters. But a glance at her foster father showed her that he seemed rather relaxed. A slight smile was on his lips and he seemed interested in looking at the other fighters. The musicians who were standing on an extra stage announced a break with their music. But still their nervousness did not seem to diminish. Why am I so nervous? she asked herself, biting her lip until she tasted something metallic. Only then did she make a frustrated noise and stand up before swinging her sword senselessly around the area. ,, I should be the nervous one," she heard her foster father say and saw that he was watching her. She ran her free hand over her face. ,, I don't know, but I have a bad feeling about this. What if something goes wrong?" she asked him and put the sword back. ,, I'll just patch him up," came the maid's comment as she rose from the small fire they had made. ,, Once that and have faith. I have fought before, everything will be all right, besides, you know, here we are," he said the words of the house and she hung her head in contempt. "It will be alright" she thought before she tried to look at the king's tribune again.

The interval passed and as the musicians fell silent the next contestants were announced. It was only a few rounds before it was suddenly ,, House Glover against House Mormont". The commander sat up and his mistress went with him to the front of the tournament site. ,, Looks like you're going to have to fight Sir Glover," she told him as she looked over and saw his nephew apparently making a toast. ,, That's something," she heard him say through the metal as he gripped the reins tighter. ,, Do your best," she admonished him before he called over his shoulder, ,, For you, always".  The banners at the sides were exchanged and the black bear on a green background competed against the white fist on a red background. The crowd cheered and clapped. The two riders, however, did not seem to be seeking the favour of any of the highborn in the stands. At least none of them rode there. Much more the houses from the north seemed to smile silently. Almost like a reunion at Winterfell, she thought as she saw Cregan Stark smirking to himself. Only when both riders took their lances and adjusted their shields did their horses charge at each other. They were both about the same age and yet they seemed sure of themselves. Sir Glover's lance crashed into his opponent's shield with a thunderous sound. But the commander was more precise, he had managed to knock Sir Glover out of the saddle with his lance and his horse went crashing to the ground. The crowd roared and even if the fall was not fatal, it was painful. Sir Glover hit the ground with his fist when he realised what had happened. But neither seemed to think of giving up. Instead, the Mormont got off his horse and drew his sword. But out of respect for his opponent, he waited until he was on his feet again. The crowd booed, but you could see on the faces of the northern lords and on the face of the king that they recognised the honour.

No sooner did the swords clash and the fight continued. Even though Sir Glover was battered, he seemed to be much firmer on the ground. The more he missed, the harder he seemed to hit back. She saw her foster father slowly slowing down. He could only fend off the blows with great difficulty. Only when a crack was heard and the bear's shield broke was it decided. The swords were swung again before the Mormon's landed on the ground. ,, The winner is Sir Glover!" someone announced and the winner raised his hand briefly before pulling the loser into a warm embrace. ,, Well, I guess I'm not the youngest anymore," he said, holding his back as he came back to her. The young Mormont, however, gave him an appreciative look and playfully slapped him on the shoulder. ,, You haven't won, but you have won the honour of the North," she said, pointing briefly to her fellow vassals for Lord Stark. ,, The Glover will continue to fight, will the Mormonts join them?" came the question and a servant came over to the small group with the group's banner in his hand. The eyes of her companions were on the young Mormont. ,, Will Sir Glover fight again?" she asked, but the servant shook his head. ,, No, the new Lord Glover will fight, my lady," he replied, holding out the banner to her. She looked at her commander, ,, Can you still?" she asked, but it was clear when he lost part of his armour before he could say anything. ,, We fought, you said so yourself, just one fight," he tried when he saw her look. ,, No. Tell them we accept the fight," she said first to her companion before telling the servant. ,, You rest and you fetch me my armour!" she ordered the man and her maid. It took a few minutes for the armour she had made to be a gift from the Starks for her appointment as Lady of Bear Island. The silver metal was indeed decorated and bears adorned her round shoulder armour. But in contrast to the normal armour it was much more agile and had less protection because of the less steel. ,, The horse?" she asked and looked at the animal that was trying to get loose. ,, Alyssa!" she called before the crowd around the arena dispersed in fear.

The black bear came running up and seemed to understand what her rider wanted. ,, Are you sure, my lady?" she heard the warrior ask. ,, I have a unfinished business with Lord Glover, don't worry " she replied and fetched the new lance and shield from her foster father. ,, Beat him up!" she heard him call and couldn't help grinning. When she and her bear came closer to the tournament area, she finally saw the king with his entourage. Rhaenyra she thought as she saw the princess in a beautiful red dress with a white collar. The banners were hung and the crowd seemed quiet for the first time. Whether it was because of her gender or the bear, no one seemed to know. The young Mormont didn't bat an eye at her opponent and instead rode up to the tribune. This overcoming alone made her heart beat faster than in battle. She felt her fingers begin to sweat under her gloves the closer she came to the princess. When she came to a stop in front of the tribune and looked up, she saw the princess' smile. ,, Princess Rhaenyra, may I ask for a little luck in the fight?" she asked and held up the green lance a little shakily. This thing is too clumsy she thought, cursing as she tried not to shake too much. To her amazement and the joy of her heart, the princess did indeed rise. 

She stood up and walked further into the stage before returning with a circle of purple flowers. ,, Show me what you can do Lady Y/n you have my luck " she said and the lady nodded and couldn't help grinning. She rode back to her starting position and saw the scowl on her opponent's face. Without warning, he gave his horse a spur and it spurred off, but Alyssa took action herself. She ran too and the young Mormont tried not to wobble her lance too much. Finally the two clashed. She hit the lord's shield and it slipped from his grasp only to be knocked off his horse. His lance, on the other hand, shattered her shield and she staggered, holding onto Alyssa. ,, Stand firm like a Skagos," she said to Alyssa so as not to arouse the animal's instinct to fight. Instead she slid off her, swaying a little, and told the bear to back off. The last thing she wanted was for her bear to be killed by a misstep. She took the hilt from Longclaw and pulled out the Valyrian steel sword. ,, We have unfinished business, wench!" he hissed at her with a red head. ,, Then finish it!" came back just as heatedly and she swung her sword at him.

Fortunately for him, she was merciful and let him up. He blocked the blow with his shield still intact. She heard the surprised exhale as she pushed him back. Only now did the cheering crowd reach her ears and her mind realised that it was not a battle she was having but a tournament. But it didn't matter, he was her opponent and an opponent had to be defeated. She lunged again with her sword and hit the shield from below before swinging it upwards. The old steel ate effortlessly through the wood and broke underneath. ,, You are a disgrace to your family! You have no honour!" she attacked him when she saw his disdainful look. This feeling of being seen as a woman again. She hated it. Mercilessly she hit him with the sword faster and faster. It was clear to everyone that she had much more fighting experience than the new lord. His movements seemed almost mechanical, as if fresh from training. No one was surprised that he soon had to go into defence. But she had underestimated his will to fight. Instead of lunging with his sword, he grabbed her by the collar before pulling her close and thundering his forehead against hers. Because of the different armour, the blow was much more painful for her. She staggered back before taking off her helmet, which now had a dent in it and obstructed her vision. Anger was in her eyes, anger at seemingly everything and everyone was there again. Anger at the world. She parried his attack, lifted her leg and kicked him as hard as she could in the stomach. Luckily for her, the younger lord staggered and stumbled backwards to the ground. ,, Miserable woman!" he shouted at her as he tried to get up again. But when one boot came down painfully on his chest and the other on his sword, he hissed in pain. ,, We have a matter to settle, you owe my bear your hand!" she shouted so that everyone could hear.

The crowd had quietened down from the fact that a woman had defeated a man. Only now did he seem to understand what she meant and tried to free himself. He screamed, wriggled, cried and choked on his own spit several times as he pleaded. She bent down and grabbed his wrist which he tried to pull back. ,, You are the whimpering whore and a disgrace," she hissed so that only he could hear. She tightened her grip on Longclaw and with one clean stroke she severed his hand. Blood splattered all around, covering the lord, the young Mormont, the tournament ground. He screamed and all she did was look down at him with such hideous disgust that he screamed even more. ,, Alyssa!" she called and the bear came running up and watched the man with interest. ,, Here's your food," she called and offered her hand to the bear, who took it with relish. With a quick movement she cleaned the blood from the blade and took the wreath of flowers from the lance. Before she looked at the king's tribune and bowed. She was so lost in a rush that she was hardly aware of anything around her. Instead, she climbed back on top of Alyssa, who was still chewing on his hand with pleasure.

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[encyclopika]

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #226

Brought to you by a marine biologist getting back on her feet...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

I know I've been gone for a while - it's not because of the new Pokemon game, although it helped. I'm back to finish up what I started. So, today, let's start with a blank slate - the white versions of the guppy, the freshwater angelfish, and the koi. [Long post warning because pictures!!!]

Specifically, these fish are the White Tuxedo Guppy, the White Butterfly Koi, and the White Angelfish. All three appeared once in AC Pocket Camp for its Fishing Tourney #27. The theme was "weddings" and occurred in June of 2020, so explains why they're all white.

We've already covered the taxonomy and delved deeper into these species elsewhere in the series. They are here -> Guppy, Koi, and Angelfish. For review, all three of these fish are freshwater species, native to different river systems, and all are species humans like to keep ornamentally. Likewise, these white versions represent specially bred specimens that not only feature a strange white coloring, but also different fin lengths and shapes. This is especially true for the butterfly koi, specifically known for its long, graceful fins.

But I want to take a "minute" to talk about pigments in the animal kingdom and then the certain genetic anomalies that fuck it up. So lets talk about pigment - what is it and what does it do? To sum it up very quickly, biological pigments, or biochromes, are molecules produced within specialized cells that absorb and reflect certain wavelengths of light, aka, they give animal skin, eyes, fur, etc. color. These colors assist animals in their daily lives, by providing camouflage for animals so that their prey or their predators don't see them coming or going, respectively. Other animals display color to communicate, either to attract a mate or tell a rival to back off. Pigments can even protect the skin from UV radiation (as is the function of melanin in human skin). This is all grade school science class stuff, but it's really important to ecology. Color and color patterns can tell you so much about how an animal lives its life, even without observation. But like all living functions, pigment can get messed up, too, and in a lot of ways.

By Stephenkniatt at English Wikipedia - Transferred from en.wikipedia to Commons., Public Domain

Perhaps the most famous pigment disorder is albinism. This disorder is characterized by an absence of pigmentation, turning the animal white (in plants, albinism is from the absence of chlorophyll). The term albinism has many incomplete definitions, however, we typically recognize it as a lack of melanin, which results in an all-white body and red eyes. It is especially apparent in mammals, where melanin is the only pigment we make! This disorder comes with a lot of drawbacks for any animal - an all-white body means they've lost the functions of their species' coloration, they have poor vision and eye development, hearing disorders, and, in some studies, the disorder is found to be "semi-lethal", generally reducing the life span. Fortunately, I don't think the ACPC wedding fish have this condition.

By The original uploader was Dawson at English Wikipedia. - Transferred from en.wikipedia to Commons., CC BY-SA 2.5,

I think our fish for today are Leucistic, in that they have a loss of much of their pigments, but not all. For the fish and for the snake above, pigment is absent in the scales, but the eyes are just fine. Leucism is often mistaken for albinism. The big difference between them is the severity and the pigments lost - albinism is a total lack of melanin, but leucism affects all the types of pigments found in the animal kingdom and at different intensities, and therefore can appear "partial", as seen in piebald individuals. And yes, all sorts of albinism and leucism are specifically bred for in the pet trade.

Erythrism is when an individual is strangely more red than usual. I don't have a lot to say about this one but to look it up on Google "erythristic animals" and see how utterly magical they look. Pink bugs are a guarantee.

Then there's Melanism, the exact opposite of albinism/leucism - it is the increased production of melanin, making an animal's skin, etc. very very dark, or completely black. Sometimes melanism gets out of hand and also dyes the inside of the animal black, as is the case with Ayem Cemani breed of chicken. Also worth a Google search: "melanistic animals". Enjoy.

And there you have it. Fascinating stuff, no?