#yes it’s because i’m elbow deep in mike angst

[astrobei]

something something mike wheeler is so used to being brushed off and ignored by his own family that he learns to make his feelings loud and obnoxious around most people because it’s better to be ignored when you’re being annoying on purpose than to be ignored when you’re being vulnerable on accident. he learns to roll his eyes and be slow to trust and be critical of newcomers because his friends are his people— his most trusted, his tried and true ride or dies, but after you make it into his circle he will die for you. he scowls and he glares and he tries so hard to be somebody he’s not because he thinks things will be easier for him that way, because he’s been bullied his whole life. he’s a little abrasive but he softens around his best friend, who can get him to open up without even saying a word. he likes syrup on his eggs and cheesy pop music. he’s the paladin, he’s a fighter, he’s a source of good. he’s will’s light in the darkness and he finds that same light in will too. he’s surprised every time a parental figure hugs him. he’s seen his best friends die and come back and die again. he spent a year searching for a purpose and he found it in will byers. he feels like nobody needs him, but all he wants is to be needed. to be wanted. he feels like he’s drifting apart from his people, until will reels him in, tethers him, and says hey, remember when you said asking me to be your friend was the best thing you ever did? well being your friend gives me the courage to fight on.

[willowistic22]

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for...  obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

-

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit. 

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

[statusquoergo]

I’ve received prompts so far for “Things you said while drunk/high,” “Things you said when you were scared,” “Things you said at the kitchen table,” and “Things you said with no space between us,” and I want to thank you all so much for indulging me! Let’s kick things off with the original angst machine:

Things you said that made me feel like shit

[Read on AO3]

It’s a pretty good solution, all in all. Not ideal, but then, Mike isn’t entirely sure what such a thing would look like; his not having spent the past eight months committing certified identity fraud, probably, and it’s a bit late for that. Anyway, Lola swears she knows what she’s doing, and the extra insurance can’t hurt. Every little bit helps.

Knocking on the door to Harvey’s office, Mike lets himself in without waiting to be invited, putting on his most disarming smile as Harvey looks up from his desk.

“So I know you said not to,” he starts off with what in hindsight might be the world’s worst possible attempt at levity, “but remember when I said we should ask Lola Jensen to hack into Harvard’s alumni records to add me to the rolls?”

Harvey frowns. “You didn’t.”

“Didn’t have to.” Mike ambles over to the couch and takes a seat, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “She wanted to do me a favor for the Stable Shelters thing, this one’s all her.”

“And you didn’t stop her?”

Didn’t…

And just how exactly would that have worked?

“Like I said,” he repeats, “she did it herself. But, I… I should be thanking her for covering my tracks, I mean you know that was gonna come back and bite us in the ass sooner or later.”

Setting down the pen in his hand and pushing his work aside, Harvey levels Mike with a somber stare. “Mike,” he says, “I know your experience with the law so far has mostly been from the lower end of the food chain, but I know you must’ve heard of a paper trail.”

Paper trail, please. As if Mike didn’t know enough to insist on cash payments for all his falsified LSATs.

“I know what a paper trail is,” he says. “I’m not an idiot. That’s the whole point of this, though, I need a paper trail so I don’t get caught.”

“You sure you’re not an idiot?”

What the fuck?

“Yes, Harvey,” Mike takes his feet off the table and sets them on the ground, “what the hell’s wrong with you, I’m covering my tracks. I thought you’d be happy about this.”

Harvey laces his fingers together and sets them down on the desk in front of him, his lips drawing into a taut line.

“Mike,” he says again. “Did it ever occur to you that I might’ve had a reason for telling you not to go down this road when you suggested it to me the first time?”

“Yeah,” Mike says, not having had much success at putting that reasonably unpleasant meeting out of his mind, “‘cause you said it wasn’t worth the trouble.”

“Because it wasn’t worth taking the unnecessary risk,” Harvey says. “You tell someone you went to Harvard Law, you tell someone you work at Pearson Hardman, they’re going to take your word for it. All you’re doing now is throwing gasoline in a fire pit and hoping no one has any matches.”

“But what if someone does go looking?” Mike retorts, sensing that he’s falling into a trap but unable to back down now, not when the argument is so ridiculous. “If there’s nothing there, I’d be screwed.”

Harvey sets his elbows on his armrests, leaning back in his chair with a foreboding scowl on his face. “How much do you trust Lola not to make any mistakes?” he challenges. “She might’ve been able to hack into Harvard’s database, but are you sure she didn’t leave any trace of what she’d done? And what about the records she put in for you, do you know what they are? If someone asks you about them, are you going to have an answer? What classes she put you in, what your grades were, what clubs you joined, why your picture isn’t in any yearbook?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it!”

“That is exactly your problem,” Harvey snaps, flattening his hands against the desk and hunching his shoulders in such a way that comes off equally split between aggressive and defeated, assertive and guarded. “You barge into these situations without thinking of how you’re going to get yourself out of them because you just assume you’ll be able to think of something when the time comes, but you know what? The stakes are different here, the stakes are real, and you can’t keep flying blind and assuming everything’s going to work out for you!”

“Oh,” Mike snaps back, pushing himself off the couch, “right, because this is all my fault. You know what, Harvey, I have been doing my best to cover my ass this entire time, not to mention keep you out of that fire, but you’re the one who got me into this mess and I think the least you could do is be a little supportive every once in a while!”

It’s a low blow, it’s not fair, it’s picking at wounds that haven’t yet scarred, but god dammit, Mike is trying, he’s doing the best he can with what he’s got and Harvey… Harvey ought to know that much. Harvey ought to have his back, after everything he’s done. Everything Mike has done, everything Harvey has made him do.

Harvey draws his shoulders back, every trace of defensiveness disappearing from his posture in an instant.

“‘A little supportive,’” he mimics. “You don’t know half the shit I’ve done for you, half the shit I’ve had to put up with. You think you’re special, Mike? You think you’re irreplaceable? I was ready to fire you after one day and I gave you a gift letting you think you could threaten me. Do you know how deep I could bury you if you tried to blackmail me? If you tried to double cross me? You want to accuse me of knowingly engaging in fraud, I’d like to see you prove it. You bring this up to Jessica, you try to go over her head to the ethics committee, and I will bury you so deep you will never find your way back out.”

God only knows what Harvey’s dealing with right now. What kind of stress he’s under, what fights he’s fighting that he’s not telling Mike about. Not burdening him with, not trusting him with. Either, maybe, or both; Mike doesn’t know him nearly as well as he thinks he does, nearly as well as he’d like to. Not nearly well enough to guess. Mike can’t take this kind of shit personally, these kinds of words that don’t mean anything, that Harvey will regret in the morning.

He will, won’t he?

Mike’s fingers twitch, his nails scraping against his palms.

“You know what?” he says, tremulous and brittle, his eyes narrowed, turned away. “I’m not stupid, I know you’ll throw me under the bus first chance you get. But before that happens, I just want you to know one thing.” He laughs tersely, a scratching sound, and shakes his head.

“You ruined my life.” He bites his lip. “I might not have had much before I met you, it might not’ve been perfect, but it everything I had was mine. And this mistake I’m making, this act I’m trying to pull off? This dead end I’m running into?” He smiles, bitter and cold, and raises his eyes to Harvey’s.

“You did this to me.”

Harvey stands, his rigid spine and his stone face ten times, ten thousand times worse than the fury he radiated only moments ago. Mike does his best to bear it, holding firm in the face of all of their terrible mistakes, their arrogance and their stupidity crushing him down, as Harvey merely stands and stares.

“Get out.”

He barely catches it, the words too soft to reach across the floor, but he knows it without knowing how, without hearing or seeing Harvey’s lips move.

What else is there to say at a time like this? After everything, after all.

Mike walks out blindly, the route traced by memory, his hand brushing up against the wall as the door swings shut in his wake.

Harvey collapses into his desk chair and fixes his blank gaze on the wall beside the window.

Look too close, and the whole world is blacked out.

[hadererer]

Let’s Fall In Love for the Night

Anon requested: Reddie prompt to Let’s Fall In Love For The Night by FINNEAS or When The Party’s Over by Billie Eilish? Angst with a happy end??

Rated: T

Richie rested his hand casually on the top of his open truck window, letting the cool breeze of dusk run through his fingers. Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners was blaring through the speakers. Richie didn’t exactly like this song but he knew it was one of Eddie’s favorites. To back this up, anytime he peeked out of the corner of his eye at Eddie, the almost twenty-three-year-old was tapping the beat of the song onto his pant leg and sometimes even mouthing the words. He couldn’t stop the small smile from peeking through. Jesus, he was cute, Richie thought, not for the first time in his life. Eddie sat in the passenger trying his best to look angry a joke he found particularly rude that Richie made earlier. Despite his face scrunched in annoyance, he still kept his hand on Richie’s knee, informing Richie that he wasn’t totally mad at Richie. But the night was still young. They were heading back to Richie’s apartment after dinner at Mike’s with the rest of the losers club. With Eddie and Richie living so close together, they were able to leave together without it looking suspicious. Although, Stan had given them both long looks as they left early, raising his eyebrows. Richie just saluted him back. Stan obviously could tell what was going on between them. He was pretty sure he might have mentioned something to Bill, as well, who was giving him and Eddie weird looks all night. So much for bros before hoes, Staniel. And, okay, maybe he accidentally let something slip to Bev, sue him. And now that he thought of it, Mike didn’t seem surprised at all when Eddie accidentally mentioned about spending the night at Richie’s ‘dirty, flea-infested’ apartment the other night. Huh. Maybe they weren’t as good as hiding it as they thought. Richie shrugged it off. Oh well. So what if he and Eddie were hooking up? They were both fully consenting adults. They could make their own decisions about who to stick their dicks into. It wasn’t like anything serious was going on between them anyway. Nope. Just sex. I mean, sure, I want to go to sleep and wake up with him everyday, be able to tell him every single thing I’ve had to bite my tongue before saying. And then, after Eddie never speaks to me again, I’ll be alone forever, Richie mused. It’s better to take what I can get.   Pulling up to his apartment building, both hopped out before making their way up to his unit on the third floor. They made idle jokes and teased each other as Eddie unlocked his door and pushed his way in using the key Richie had gotten him. The apartment was small and cramped but it was the first one he ever lived in alone so sue him. He made good use of the space. Despite what Bev says, the coffee table could totally double as the kitchen table, thank you very much, Marsh. As Richie turned after closing and locking the front door behind him, any thoughts of his coffee/kitchen table were knocked out of his head by Eddie’s lips pressing greedily against his, arms and legs wrapping around him. --- The next morning, Richie woke earlier than usual with Eddie still asleep half on top of him. Noting the goosebumps on Eddie’s bare shoulders and arms, he pulled the covers more firmly over them, gently rubbing at Eddie’s skin for friction heat. He had to remember to turn the heat up later. He knew that Eddie got cold pretty easily. Or at least he did compared to Richie, who was practically never cold. Nudging his face deeper into Eddie’s soft, curly hair, Richie breathed in a deep sigh. God, what he would do to never leave this spot. To never have to ever wake up again to his bed empty and cold from where Eddie had snuck out while Richie was still asleep. All of his shifting must have woken Eddie up because Richie could feel him begin to twist and turn a little in Richie’s arms. His hands rose to rub at his eyes. Lifting his head just barely, he glances at the clock on the side table. 7:43. Eddie groaned as he rubbed his face once more, shifting against Richie’s front. “Well, good morning to you, too, Eds,” Richie teased, letting out a husky, early morning chuckle as Eddie jumped in his arms. Eddie whipped his head to look at Richie in surprise, crusties in the corners of his eyes. Richie thumbed them away, laughing again at the disgusted face Eddie made at the crusties. “What the fuck are you doing awake, asshole? It’s not even noon yet.” At this, Eddie pushed himself up and next to Richie, propped on his elbow next to him. Richie missed him already. “Just admiring the view, dear.” Eddie rolled his eyes, huffing out a laugh. “Wow, so funny, Trashmouth, you tell that to everyone you hook up with?” “No,” Richie told him, honestly. Eddie seemed a bit surprised at the honesty in Richie’s voice. Instead of bringing it up, however—because why would they ever talk about anything serious between them, of course—Eddie only sat up and began stretching, looking a little tense. “Yeah right, whatever,” he said, words rushing out. “Well, anyway I better get going, it’s getting pretty late.” Richie raised his brows at him from where he still laid on the bed, arms now behind his head. “At 8 in the morning. On a Saturday.” Eddie just huffed again, “not everyone sleeps away their Saturday, shithead.” Richie hummed, “True…” and then, before he could even realize what he was doing, “wanna get breakfast?” He and Eddie both froze at the same time. Shit, why did I say that? Just as he was about to play it off as a joke, Eddie turned to him, eyes serious. “Really?” Richie opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything, just blinked at him for a second. “Yeah…uh, I mean if you want to…why not?” Where the fuck did all this nervous energy come from? And why did he ask him to get breakfast? They never got breakfast the morning after. It would feel too much like a date, they both knew it. Eddie still hadn’t said anything. Richie knew he needed to drop the subject so they could go back to normal. “I mean, there’s that place on Girard that you’ve been talking about going to. We could check it out.” MOUTH. NO. Richie pressed his lips together firmly to stop himself from saying anything else. Eddie still hadn’t said anything, just stared at the wall with a look of concentration on his face. “Sure.” Richie almost got whiplash with how quickly he sat up. “What? Really?” Eddie turned to him, looking annoyed and a little downtrodden now. “What do you mean ‘really’? Was this just another stupid joke because I swear to Go—” “No, no, no, no, no, I was totally being serious! Just, uh, didn’t expect you to say yes.” He rubbed at the nape of his neck. In response, Eddie just gave his thigh a light slap before rubbing it a little, smiling shyly, “Well, get your ass out of bed, I’m hungry.”

[jpat82]

Mine Too

@vampireshavemorefun had request about Bucky meeting the readers family for the first time. I know it isn’t exactly how you asked, but I hope you like it.

Vampireshavenorefun

“You sure about this doll?” Bucky asked, stilling looking at his bag that was half full. His chest tightening, he looked at the clothes he had packed, a couple pairs of shorts, long sleeve shirts. Only a few sleeveless under shirts, he sighed heavily.

“Bucky, they’ll love you.” You replied, walking over to him, leaving your bag open.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, tilting your head back. His eyes slowly lifted to yours, you could see the nervousness in those dark blues. You smiled up at him, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

“It’s just, with everything I’ve done..” he trailed off.

“You mean the things your were forced to do?” You reminded him, his eyes dropped back down. “Look, I don’t hide anything from my family, okay? And I’m sure as hell not hiding the most amazing man I’ve ever met. So your going with me, plus I need you to keep me from drowning my sister.”

“Oh, your crazy sister will be there?” Bucky chuckled as you let him go, he zipped up his duffel bag.

“Yeah, she is.” You sighed heavily “hopefully mike can keep her line this time.”

“Mike’s your brother?” He asked as he slung his bag over his back, grabbing at yours.

“Yes, he’s our older brother. And he has three kids. Emily, she is fourteen and full of teen angst, Brandon, and he’s twelve. He likes to drive Emily crazy, which is just a sibling thing. And then there is Annie, she’s five and very shy.” You explained, opening the front door, grabbing the keys off the table next to the door.

“Does your sister have kids?” Bucky asked as you opened the trunk for him to throw the bags in.

“Two, Rain and Star. Twins, they are ten.” You smiled as he gave you a funny look. “What? Told you my sister is crazy.”

“I believe you,” he leaned in giving you a kiss and stealing the keys from your finger tips.

“Hey! I was going to drive!” You scoffed as he walked around to the drivers side.

“Yeah, and I’ve been driving longer.” He smirked getting in the car as you opened the passenger side door.

“Oh, we aren’t playing this game.” You shook your head buckling up.

“And what game would that be?” He turned his torso looking out the back window as he backed out of the parking spot.

“The I’m older then you so I’m better at this task then you.” You chuckled.

All Bucky did was look over to you with a smirk before focusing on the road. It was a long drive out of New York, traffic lightened up the farther out you got away from the big city. Your feet on the dash, window rolled all the way down allowing the wind to whip in. Your hand nestled on Bucky’s leg as he drove. One hand on the wheel, elbow out the open window.

He glanced over to you, taking in your relaxed form, heading bobbing in to the music, your toes lightly tapping the air. Bucky smiled as he looked back out at the highway ahead of him. The two of you had been dating for months, and this was the first time for meeting your family. At first he tried to get out of meeting them, stating they would only know the bad things from when he was the Winter Soldier. Yet somehow, you being you, convinced him that everything would be fine.

He couldn’t lie, the closer he drove to your brothers house, the more his anxiety was set on edge. By the time he pulled in to the drive way his entire body was incredibly tense. You gave him a reassuring smile as you got out of the car. Bucky took a deep breath before getting himself out.

Bucky grabbed both over your bags, heading toward the door. You knocked on the door and waited.

“Yes?” Emily, your niece answered the door with a tone.

“Hey Em.” You smiled as she stepped to the side, her eyes wide at the mass of muscle walking in behind you.

“Dad’s out back.” She squeaked, rushing off to the stairs.

“Well that went great.” Bucky sighed softly gently setting the bags on the floor near the door.

“She’s a teen and your twice her height and three times her weight.” You smiled over him, you linked your fingers in with his and walked through the living room to the back of the house.

You pushed open the sliding glass door, Rain rushing past you, her twin hot on her heels almost knocking the two of you down. You glanced over at Bucky who had a shocked look on his face. Brandon was swimming in the pool as Annie sat off to the side in the shade, pad of paper in her lap.

“Y/n!” Your brothers voice boomed, you turned to face him.

You brother was average height and had been line backer in high school. He waved for you to come over and join him and your parents at the grill. Slowly you made your way over, Bucky’s hand still in yours, only letting go for a moment to hug your parents.

“Bucky, this is my dad, Robert, don’t call him Bob, he hates it. My mom Julie, and Mike my brother.” You said introducing him to you family, before introducing your family to him. “And this James Barnes.”

“Nice to finally meet you!” Your Mom exclaimed, reaching out to give him a hug, his body stiffening as he looked over to you.

You bit your lip, shrugging to him.

“Ni. Nice to meet you too?” Bucky stuttered a bit, taken back the woman’s forwardness.

“Our daughter has told us so much about you.” She released him, taking a step back. “She’s a good judge of character.”

“Mom.” You said, giving her a look.

Small talk commenced for a few minutes, which felt like hours for Bucky. Finally able to find what room the two of you were staying in he retreated to go put both of your bags away. You knew he needed a moment to recollect, it happened every time he felt overwhelmed. So you stayed down stairs a bit, giving him his space.

Bucky set the bags in the spare room, sitting on the edge of the bed. He pulled his long sleeve shirt off, suddenly feeling constricted as his anxiety began to peak. He leaned forward, putting his head in hands, taking a long deep breath. A small knock on the partially open door startled him, his eyes whipping up.

In the door way was a small blonde head peaking around the door body hidden, pale green eyes looking at him. She waved, giving him a small smile. The corner of his lips pulled up, giving her a lopsided smile before he saw her look at his arm, and he remembered his long sleeve shirt.

“Annie, why don’t you go down and play in the pool.” You said coming up the stairs when you saw your youngest niece.

She nodded before rushing off, you walked into the bedroom and shut the door. You walked over as Bucky was pulling his shirt on. Sitting in his lap you gave him a kiss.

“How you feeling handsome?” You asked, placing your arm over his shoulder.

“Out of place.” He answered, his eyes locking on you.

“Don’t.” You replied softly. “You should change, it’s like a 100 Out there and I don’t want you getting over heated. The paramedics out here are skinny and won’t be able to lift you if you get heat stroke.” You say, grabbing your bag, changing into a swimsuit and cover up. He chuckled and shook his head at your explanation.

“As funny as that sounds, I don’t want to scare your niece and nephew.” He sighed. “Or your parents.”

“Screw my parents, and Brandon will think you arm is awesome.”

“What about Annie?” He asked, looking up at you, never getting off the bed.

“Trust me, you won’t scare her.” You gave him a knowing smiled at him, leaning over kissing his lips before walking out of the room.

Bucky sat there in silence for a bit before changing in swimming trunks. He left his long sleeve shirt on and came outside. He looked around and saw you were in deep conversation with your brother. A small hand slipped into his metal one. Slowly his head tilted down look at the owner.

Annie stared up at him, pale green eyes full of wonder.

“Mr. Barnes, what happened?” She asked.

“I.. I lost it when I went to war.” He said softly, she pulled him over to her spot under the tree.

“How?” She asked, full of innocence sitting down in the grass pulling him to sit with her.

“I was in a really bad fight, and I was protecting my best friend. I ended up falling off a train.” He told her, trying to find the best way to tell her so she would understand.

“Does it hurt?” She asked. His face pinched up for a moment.

“Only when it gets cold out.” He told her.

“Mine too.” Her words caught him off guard. It was then that looked down and noticed one of her legs wasn’t a real leg. “Why do you hide yours?”

“I guess I’m scared people will judge me.” He smiled, watching as she tugged at his sleeve. “Pretty silly of me, huh?”

“Yah.” She giggled, you could only hear snippets of their conversation.

You knew Annie wouldn’t be scared of his arm, because she had been struck by a car when she was three loosing her leg in the process. You smiled to yourself as you watched your boyfriend pull his shirt off, Annie’s eyes wide in wonder as she touched the plates, Brandon springing out the pool to get a closer look.

Bucky’s eyes met yours, and for the first time today you saw him relax, Annie’s hand in his. She showed him her art and talked his ear off, you knew your family would accept him just as you had. Especially the youngest.

@kitkatkl @octobermermaid @ajosieface @10robins @instantnoddlese

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Stepping Up Again: Part 5

Pairings: Chibs x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, teenage pregnancy

Word Count: 1,955

A/N: This series is a continuation of Stepping Up! Read that first if you haven’t! Hold onto your pants, though because this is gunna be a wild ride!

Stepping Up Masterlist        Aesthetic by @ravenangel33

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were never a super religious person but you found yourself in the chapel shortly after you got to the hospital. It was there that you were faced with one of the hardest decisions of your life.

“Mum?” You turned your tear stained face back toward Kerrianne as she dipped into the chapel. You sat up a little straighter, knowing that she had purposely hunted you down first. She took a deep breath as she sat down beside you and searched your eyes.

“She’s no’ great.” She said bluntly, knowing there was no easy way to break the news and know you wouldn’t want her to sugar coat it anyways. “‘er brain’s bleedin’, lots’a internal bleedin’, broken ribs, ‘er arm… ‘er lung collapsed…”

“Can you fix it?” Kerrianne nodded slowly as her eyes darted to the chapel door.

“We can fix it… bu’ the baby is a slightly different story.” You sat up a little straighter, finally understanding why she came to you. “The baby’s in severe distress. Tim’s battlin’ ta keep ‘er in but she’s no’ willin’ ta work wit’ us so he’s goin’ ta ‘ave ta deliver.” You nodded slowly as she reached out and took your hand. “She’s an eighty-six percent chance of survival outside the womb a’ this point… but we’re runnin’ in ta some severe risks as well.” Tears welled in your eyes and you gave her hand a squeeze, silently telling her to go on. She swallowed back her own tears and took a deep breath.

“The most mild ones are more simple ta ‘andle; ‘earing loss or she may become deaf, vision problems or total blindness. But she could also ‘ave some brain damage, low IQ, autism, ADHD, muscle problems wit’ various severity, breathin’ problems… she could possibly need constant care by a care giv’a for the rest’a ‘er life. An’ even wit’ the high chance’a survival, death is still an option.” She cupped both of your hands with hers as a few tears fell down her cheeks. “I need…” She swallowed audibly around the lump in her throat as she scrambled to find the words in her head. “Mum, I need ta know wha’ kind’a extreme measures ye wan’ us ta take ‘ere.”

“All’a them.” You and Kerrianne both turned on the bench to look at Chibs, who was leaning against the doors with tears falling from his eyes. He scrubbed his hand across his mouth and shook his head. “Ye don’t give up on eith’a those girls. We don’ give up on our own. If our gran’baby needs care the rest’a ‘er life, she’ll get it. Even if tha’ means I work four jobs so ye an’ Kelsi can stay ‘ome with ‘er, luv. Fuck, I’ll even le’ Mouth move in wit’ us if we need ta. But she’s gon’ be a fight’a an’ we’ll give ‘er the chance ta fight.” He found your tear filled eyes and nodded his head. “We’ll do it t’get’a. Jus��� like we’ve always done.” You nodded back at him as Kerrianne squeezed your hands.

“OK. I’ve ta ge’ back but I’ll come find ye when I’ve an update.” You nodded at her, lost for words as she stood and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek. She handed your hands to her father and kissed his cheek as well before jogging off to get back to Kelsi’s side. You took one look at your husband and burst into tears as he quickly pulled you into his lap.

“She’s gon be jus’ fine, luv. ’t’is all gon’ be jus’ fine.” You nodded your head against his neck as your tears soaked through his t-shirt and kutte.

“I’m scared.” He nodded his head and gently kissed your forehead.

“Me too, m’luv. Me too.”

——

“Mama T?” You forced your eyes open at the sound of Mike’s nickname for you and met his bruised covered, tear stained face. “I’m so sorry…”

“Not right now, Mike.” You said weakly as tears welled in your eyes. You adjusted your head on Chibs shoulder as the young boy apologized once more on his way out of the waiting room. You let out a sigh as Chibs pulled you impossibly closer for only a moment before Kerrianne called his name. You jumped to your feet and moved to stand in front of her as Jax and Chibs both took ahold of one of your hands.

“We’ve fixed ‘er lung.” She started as she took a deep breath. You nodded at her as you noticed just how tired your step daughter was starting to look. “They’re close ta stoppin’ the bleed in ‘er brain. We ‘ad ta put a few screws an’ a rod in ‘er wrist bu’ she’ll ‘ave full use’a it. We are goin’ ta ‘ave ta remove ‘er spleen but ’t'is not essential ta live. We’ll deal wit’ tha’ later… She’s doin’ great, considerin’.”

“The baby?” She sighed and nodded slowly. 

“She’s alive.” She said softly as she scrubbed her hand hand over her face. “We ‘ad ta deliver ‘er. Two pounds even; don’ know ‘ow long. She was breathin’ on ‘er own a’ first but we ‘ad ta intubate ‘er…” You felt Jax let go of your hand and turn away at the same moment Chibs wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you up right. A few tears welled in Kerrianne’s eyes as she shook her head. “We’re tryin’.”

“No, you’re doing great.” You said as you pulled out of Chibs grip and wrapped her in a tight hug. “You’re doing so great, Kerrianne. We’re so proud of you.” She sobbed into your shoulder as Chibs wrapped the pair of you in his arms and kissed the side of her head.

“Ye don’ ‘ave ta stay in there for us, luv.” He said as he rubbed her back. “Ye can sit with us an’ we can all wait t’get’a…”

“No, I made a promise ta Kelsi.” She said as she pulled out of your arms. You helped her wipe her tears away as Chibs handed her the bandana from his pocket. “I’ve ta ‘elp.”

“OK, sweetheart. But if you need a break at all, you come out here and sit with us, you hear me? Kelsi will understand.” She nodded as she wiped away her tears and handed back the bandana. You reached up and cupped her jaw in your hands. “Kerrianne, you need to remember… I need you to remember if anything bad happens in there it is not your fault, you hear me?” She nodded again as she sniffed and brushed some loose strand of hair back under her scrub cap.

“I know.”

“Keep reminding yourself of that, sweetheart. But everything is going to be just fine, OK?” She nodded again and as you searched her brown eyes, you could see the same scared little girl that had shown up fourteen years before. You gave her the warmest smile you could muster at the moment and nodded. “You’ve got this. I know you do.”

“Thanks mum.” You nodded again as you pat her cheek.

“Now go get ‘em, honey. We’re so, so proud of you.” She nodded her head again and forced herself to turn and head back to surgery. You kept your strong façade just long enough for her to take one last glance back at you on her way around the corner but the second she walked around the corner, it fell. “Fuck, I need a drink and a cigarette.” Chibs nodded as you both turned away from the hallway.

“Juicy, ye go’ Kellan?” Juice nodded as he glanced down at your son, who had fallen asleep on Juice’s shoulder at some point while watching a movie on his laptop until Lyla got done with work to come and take him home. You grabbed your purse from the table and dipped past Happy, who was in an intense game of gin rummy with Ope and Bobby and had been for the past three hours Kelsi had been in surgery. You let out a sigh as you stepped outside and nearly collapsed on the bench to the left of the door next to Jax.

“Where the fuck did we go wrong here?” He asked as you lit up two cigarettes and passed one to Chibs as he sat down on your other side. You shook your head and leaned back against the bench with a sigh.

“We ‘ad kids.” Chibs said as he leaned his elbows on his knees and shook his head. “We thought it’d be a good idea ta procreate.”

“We should have seen this coming.” You said as you shook your head slowly. “We were monsters at her age. This is fucking karma shoving her dick right up our asses after all we put Gemma and Clay through.”

“God, they’re probably rolling in their graves laughing at us right now.” Jax huffed as he draped his arm over the back of the bench behind you. “I can hear mom now. ‘I told you that the shit you put me through would come back ten-fold when you had kids’.”

“Yea, she never saw this shit coming.” Jax nodded in agreement and all three of you turned toward the sounds of shouting from the parking lot on your right. You could just make out the smallest sliver of Mike’s kutte around the man (you assumed had to be his father) that was screaming at him. You couldn’t understand what was being said but you understood, without a shadow of doubt in your mind that you had to save your daughter’s boyfriend when he went flying into the trunk of a car when the man punched him in the jaw.

“No!” You screamed as you and the guys jumped to your feet and ran as fast as you could. Jax instantly pulled out his gun and put it to the man’s head as you wedged your body between him and Mike.

“Fuck off. This is none of your concern.” The man, who you could now confirm was Mike’s alcoholic father, Johnathan spat. Your nose cringed at the thick stench of whiskey and you shook your head.

“No, it does concern me. It concerns all of us.”

“We told you to stay away from him.” Jax growled as Chibs moved you and Mike behind him with one hand as he kept his gun trained on Johnathan’s forehead.

“Now, ye need ta leave.” Chibs said as he gestured to the side with his gun.

“Fuck y..” His words were cut off instantly as Chibs knocked him in the face with the handle of his gun.

“Ye were sayin’?”

“We’ve got him from here.” Jax said as he gestured you inside with his head. You wrapped Mike, who was doing everything he could not to cry, in your arms and guided him back over to the bench. With a sigh, you sat down next to your purse and dug for your cigarettes.

“Why did you never tell me he hit you?” You asked as you lit both of you a cigarette. He shook his head and looked down at the ground in shame.

“Didn’t think you really liked me. I just thought you were being nice for Kelsi.” You let out a deep sigh and rubbed his back as you looked up at Chibs as he walked back over to you.

“Yea, well you’re gunna move in with us for a while until you can get your shit together.” Your husband paused slightly and rolled his eyes dramatically as Mike looked up at you, hopefully.

“Really?” You nodded and pointed at him.

“I have not forgiven you for this, you hear me? You’re still in the dog house, buster.”

Part 6

[beepbeep-losers]

can you write something about eddie getting into a toxic relationship and richie finding out about it and pretty much wanting to kick the other guys ass for upsetting eddie + the losers club convincing eddie he deserves better & someone who will appreciate and love him for who he is (aka richie)

pining and angst are my fucking favorite thank you for this

get ready for a whole ass fic because I don’t haveself-control. this is 2.3k words. I hope you like it!!!

to set the scene: they’re seniors in high school (18yo), modern au 

warnings: drinking, cursing (duh), mild nsfw parts (not smut, just a tiny makeout thing), f-slur / homophobia, and (hence the prompt) an abusive relationship

John Maxwell was a buff, handsome football player.Quarterback of the team. Did pretty well in school. Had parents with somemoney. A total fucking cliché, right down to being secretly in the closet.

Richie couldn’t stand the prick. Not only because he was abit of an asshole in general, but because he was dating Eddie. Richie’s softand caring and snarky Eddie, who had finally come out of the closet a year ago,was being strung along by a closeted guy that did nothing when Eddie was beingbullied.

Richie wasn’t alone in hating John; none of the losers likedhim. He just gave them a bad feeling. He wouldn’t take Eddie out, and wouldn’tlet Eddie come to his house or hang out with him in public for fear of anyoneseeing them together. The only time they saw each other after school was whenJohn snuck into Eddie’s room in the middle of the night, when he was sure noone would see them. Bill had tried to talk to Eddie about it, as well asseveral of the other losers, but Eddie wouldn’t listen to them. “I like John,”he’d say defensively. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before; I could not haveanother one after this. Just let me be happy.”

But he wasn’t happy. They could tell. Whenever they caughtEddie looking at John, laughing with his friends on the team, talking to girlswho flirted with him, ignoring Eddie and his loser friends, they all saw therejected and lonely look in his eye.

After several months, the losers’ disdain for John turnedinto absolute hate.

It was a party after one of the football games. The team hadwon, and the head cheerleader’s parents were out of town so a good portion ofthe high school upperclassmen were crowded into her house. Eddie insisted ongoing and Richie convinced the rest of the losers to go with him.

“You guys don’t have to come,” Eddie insisted. “John’ll bethere.”

The losers traded a look, and when Eddie left them (theywere all at Bill’s, where they had been planning on having their traditionalmovie night) to go to the restroom before he left, Richie spun to face the restof the group.

“We’re going,” he said. “I don’t trust that fucker.”

“A-Agreed. We should go and m-make sure he sta-ays okay.”

And so they all went to Roxanne Wilder’s house. It was hugeand crowded and smelled like sweaty football players and teenage-girl perfumeand cigarette smoke. As soon as they elbowed their way in, Eddie was on histoes to see above the crowd, looking around anxiously.

“What’cha looking for, Eds?” Richie asked, already knowinghe wouldn’t like the answer.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie said reflexively. “John textedme back, finally. I’m supposed to meet him in Roxanne’s parents’ roomupstairs.”

Richie stiffened, a mixture of jealousy and warinessflooding him. Okay, maybe he liked Eddie as more than a best friend. Maybe hehad figured that out a little late and had been dealing with that whilewatching Eddie date someone that wouldn’t even admit he liked guys. Now, withEddie bouncing off without another word, Richie felt a twisting in his gut.First, the boy he loved (loved???? loved) was bounding off to some bedroom witha probably-drunk closeted football player. Second, that football player gavehim very bad vibes and he did not trust him with Eddie Kaspbrak in theslightest. He didn’t know what to do, so he went with the other losers to goget a drink, gaze straying more than once in the direction that Eddie had gone.

Bev pulled him to the dance floor with her (after Ben shylydenied her request) and they started dancing together closely, drinks in hand. Richieand Bev always danced together; they were high-energy and they had alreadysolidified with an experimental kiss years ago that they were definitely justreally good friends, so none of the losers ever thought anything of it. Theydanced for several songs, taking breaks to take mandatory losers club shots (asproclaimed by Bill). For a short while, Eddie and whatever was going on in themaster bedroom of Roxanne’s house was out of his thoughts.

However, the more Richie drank, the more Eddie wandered backinto his thoughts. He was happily dancing with the losers (who had all joinedhim and Bev) when suddenly he grabbed Mike by the shoulders.

“Holy shit, Mike-n-Ike!”

Mike beamed at him, grabbing his wrists. “What’s up,Tozier?”

“Eddie Spaghetti! My little spaghetti-etti-Eddie-Eddie,”Richie giggled. “I’ve got to go get him! He ran off forever ago!”

Mike laughed at Richie’s babbling. “Alright, man, you needhelp?”

Richie thought for a second, then nodded. “Yes. I think I ampossibly a little drunk.”

Mike laughed again and, removing Richie’s hands from hisshoulders, wrapped an arm around the shorter man’s shoulders. They startedwalking through the house, shouting to the others to let them know what theywere up to. They just started opening doors, walking in on several couples thatdid not include Eddie and John, before Richie stopped still, putting his ear toa door and consequently making his glasses squish against his face.

“Shsshhhhhh, Mike, listennn,” he hissed. “It’s Eds.”

Mike pushed his ear against the door. What the two heard sobered them up.

Inside, John and Eddie were arguing. Eddie felt like he maycry and he hated that he could tell his voice reflected the feeling. Eddie saton the bed, feeling incredibly small, and John stood in front of him, lookingincredibly large.

“How can I trust you?” John was saying, his voice low butangry, and Eddie felt like he would be shouting if he wasn’t scared ofattracting attention. “How can I trust you if you keep telling your fuckingfriends about me?”

“They won’t say anything,” Eddie choked, tears finallyescaping his eyes. “I swear – they know you’re not out, it’s okay, I promisethey won’t –“

John kicked the bedside table roughly; Eddie jumped andsqueaked. “That isn’t fucking good enough, Eddie!” he yelled, his voice gainingvolume.

“Please, John, people will hear,” Eddie pleaded, movingbackward on the bed and noticing how angry John looked, fists clenched at hissides. “I won’t say anything else, okay, I swear –“

John’s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed Eddie’s collar andpulled him to him. Eddie choked out a sob and then bit down on his lip,screwing his eyes shut. “I don’t know what the fuck you missed when I said thatI didn’t want anyone to know about us,” he growled. “But you’d better not sayanything else, dipshit.”

“I-I won’t.”

And then John was kissing him. That was how this hadstarted, anyway. They had been making out, and then Eddie had slipped up, hadsaid something that let John know that the losers club knew about theirrelationship, and that’s when the fighting had started. Eddie was almost surehe’d have bruises on his arm where John had first grabbed him and he hated thathe was crying in an unfamiliar place in a party but –

John was kissing him.

So everything was fine.

It got heated as soon as it started, John pushing Eddie backtoward the bed and moving Eddie’s hand to prompt him to touch him. Just as Johngroaned into Eddie’s mouth, the door flew open. John froze and whipped his headto see who had interrupted them, with Eddie’s hand still on the front of hispants and his hand still fisting Eddie’s shirt.

Richie and Mike were in the door, and both looked absolutelyfurious.

“Get the fuck off him, Maxwell,” Richie yelled, and hestarted to storm over but Mike held him back. Eddie was trying to get out ofJohn’s grip, his face red with humiliation, but John didn’t let go of him.

“The fuck did you say to me, Trashmouth?”

“He said to get off him, asshole,” Mike said firmly, pushingRichie behind him and stepping forward. Everyone knew that Richie wasn’t afraidof getting himself beaten up, even though he couldn’t fight for shit.Predictably, Richie shouldered himself around Mike to stand beside him.

“You get off to screaming at your boyfriend, you fuckingcreep?” Richie snarled.

“Richie –“ Eddie started, but John’s grip tightened on hisshirt and suddenly his boyfriend was looking at him again.

“I fucking told you not to tell anyone, and this is why.” John dragged Eddie up and off the bed – Mike held Richie back as he tried to burst forward– and into a standing position. He let him go and gave him a shove toward hisfriends. “Get them out of here, Eddie. Now.”

“Guys, just go,” Eddie said, his hands up and palms facingthem. Richie could see how scared he was in his eyes and it made him see red.

“I’m not leaving you in here with that –“

“Richie.” Eddie took a deep breath, feeling John’s presencebehind him. He could just imagine John beating the shit out of Richie; he’d beable to do some damage before Mike could stop him. “I’m asking you. Just go. I cantake care of my fucking self, okay?”

“I agree with Richie, Eddie,” Mike said softly, concernflooding his eyes. “This isn’t okay. You know that, right?”

“I love you, Eds,” Richie said, and continued as Eddieprotested the nickname, “but if you kick me out of this room I will go get allthe other losers to come in here and get you, and I’ll fucking bang around pansand sing a song about how much your asshole quarterback likes cock.”

“Y’know what? Fuck this,” John suddenly burst out. He shovedpast Eddie and turned briefly to face him. “You’re not worth this, faggot. Don’ttalk to me again unless you’re ready to listen.”

Pushing past Richie and Mike, who both glared, he stormedout of the room. Eddie, whose eyes had been building up tears, let out a cry. “No!John, wait –“ and tried to rush forward to follow him, but Mike caught him inhis arms.

“No, Eddie. No way,” he said firmly. And Eddie fell apart inhis friend’s arms. Mike looked up at Richie. “Go get the others. Stan’s the DD.We need to get him out of here.”

Richie hesitated, looking at the sobbing Eddie, but Mikegave him a look that didn’t allow room for argument, so he darted off. By thetime he came back, with the rest of the losers club flanking him, Mike wassitting next to Eddie on the bed and Eddie was gasping for breath. Richie immediatelysat next to him and pulled an inhaler out of his pocket.

“You’ve been forgetful about this lately,” he commented asEddie grabbed it gratefully and took a puff.

The rest of the losers were standing in the room. Bev swayedslightly against Ben, and Stan held Bill’s hand. They were trading worriedlooks with each other (except for Bev, who was a little out of it).

Eddie handed the inhaler back to Richie and rubbed the tearsfrom his eyes. “Can I please go home now?”

“You’re back to Bill’s with the rest of us,” Richie saidquickly, before anyone could agree with to his request. “That asshole knowswhere you live, he could come looking for you. We can make sure he doesn’tbother you.”

Eddie looked at him angrily. “Fuck you,” he spat. “This isall your fault – I had it handled.”

“It wasn’t handled, Eds,” Richie said angrily. “He screamedat you, threatened you, then was trying to fuck you before Mike and I –“

“Beep beep, Richie,” Mike hissed, reaching forward andputting his hand over Richie’s mouth. Finally, Stan stepped forward.

“Alright, time to go,” he said, jangling the keys. “I thinkyou three have caused enough strife for the evening. We’re all going to Bill’sand we’re going to watch a movie of Eddie’s choice and shut the fuck up –“ helooked pointedly at Richie “– until Eddie is ready to talk about it.”

They all filed out of the room and walked out of the housetogether, cramming themselves into Stan’s car.

“If any of you fuckers vomit, you’re buying me a new car,”Stan threatened as they got in.

Eddie and Bill were the last ones to get in, and Bill leanedover the door to the front seat to tap Eddie on the shoulder. Eddie looked upin him, raising an eyebrow.

“H-hey, Eddie,” Bill whispered. There was a little bit of aslur in his words. Eddie only recognized it because he hadn’t had theopportunity to drink anything himself while he was there. “Go easy on R-richie,oka-ay? He loves you.”

Eddie blinked. “So? You all love me, but Richie –“

“H-he loves you, Eddie.”

And then Bill got in the car and, after a moment of hisheart thumping wildly in his chest as he realized what Bill had just told him,so did Eddie. He was sitting right next to Richie.

He still didn’t really know how to process everything thathad happened. He had thought he could work things out with John, and that Johncared about him and would eventually come out for him. But John had been soawful, and, if he was being honest with himself, this wasn’t the first timeJohn had been rough in how he treated Eddie.

And Richie was bi. He’d come out a several months ago, not longafter Eddie had. Eddie had had a crush on Richie for as long as he couldremember; he was elated when he’d come out but he’d never done anything aboutit. But Bill had said Richie loved him.

He still didn’t know how he felt about everything that hadhappened with John. He was still confused. But halfway to Bill’s house, Eddielet his hand fall to Richie’s and intertwined his finger’s with his friends. Richielooked at him in surprise, then down at their hands, and grinned. He broughttheir combined knuckles to his lips and pecked them playfully.

“Love you, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“I know. And don’t call me that.”

[bellaciaobitch]

Too much broken

Hello everyone! Thx for your support on my last post, it really meant a lot to me. I’m also open for jopper prompts so if you have some good ideas please do share! I’ll be really really happy to write them :) Ok, here we go. *deep breaths* Summary: After the parking lot scene. Hopper and Joyce share their thoughts and frustrations while waiting for the kids at the SnowBall and Joyce is too confused about her feelings. Mainly angst-jopper. ***

"Ya know I'll always be here, right?" Jim said placing a kiss on top of Joyce's head. She was so tiny in his arms that he was a little scared he would break her in half if he hug her too tight.

Joyce took a deep breath and hesitated before pulling herself closer and losing her weight in his chest. "I know" she said but it sounded muffled against the fabric of his shirt. In the distance they could hear Every Breath You Take echoing in the school’s gym and Jim could only imagine the kids teaching Jane how to dance. And by the kids, he meant Mike.

“I mean it.” he swallowed a little smoke and smiled to himself, picturing the big family they could built when all the trauma passes. “I’ve always been here… And i’ll be for as long as it takes”

Joyce looked up propping her chin in his chest. Her big eyes were full of confusion and maybe even a hint of fear. He cursed himself for the whole speech immediately, afraid that he was too invasive.

“Hop, if you mean…” she started, avoiding his eyes “No, sorry, forget it. I was just being stupid.” “You’re not stupid. It’s just that everything that happened is still so vivid in my mind, it’s hard to think about anything else.”

Hopper remained silent. He wanted to say that it was ok, that he understood her point and that he’d be patient. But the words got stuck in his throat and all he could do was stare at the lights that shined through the the gym windows.

Truth is, Jim was tired of understanding her point. He was doing that for more than 16 years now. He understood her when she started dating Lonnie in High School because he was a member of the basketball team and they “belonged” together. He also understood when she said they should stop hanging out because Lonnie was too jealous of her and he could get aggressive. He understood when Lonnie left and she was too worried about her children to answer his phone calls and finally he understood when she started dating Bob for the sake of her mental health.

Deep inside Jim felt horrible for thinking like that but he couldn’t avoid the frustration. Yes, he was going to wait for her. Always. But he wished she would cut with the excuses, he wished she would say the words he knew she wanted to, he wished…

“Look, I know we have… history.” Joyce said, letting go of his embrace to stand in front of him. She hold both of his hands to catch his attention. “And I know I’ve been letting you down for a long time. But I also know what my heart is telling me. And right now, I’m healing.” her voice was starting to fail and he caressed her hand with his thumb as she continued.

“It seems like everyone around me gets hurt somehow and I’m not ready to bring someone new into my life, it’s too risky. You’ve been around for a while now and you nearly died under that goddamn tunnel. I almost lost you there! I can’t lose you too, Hop”

Big tears were streaming down Joyce’s face and Hopper felt his heart racing. He wanted to make it stop, to make her whole again. To erase those two years of her life even if it meant not getting in touch anymore. But all he could do was comforting so he hugged her one more time, letting her cry on his chest.

“You won’t lose me.” he simply said, drawing circles on her back with his fingers, in and attempt of soothing her.

They stayed like that for a long time, hours. Joyce eventually stopped crying but didn’t pulled away and Hopper was too distracted listening the echoed songs and smelling her hair to think about anything else. It was only when they heard voices in the entrance of the parking lot that Joyce pulled away, afraid that it was their kids. He offered her another cigarette in silence and she accepted with a small smile.

“You said you’ll always be here” she said after a pause. “Are you sure you’ll wait? I’m too much broken.”

“Yeah.” He said, puffing out some smoke “I know that feeling, you know? Of being like a black hole and everyone around you disappears or gets hurt. I’m too much broken too, Joyce. So yeah, I’m sure I’ll wait. Maybe someday we can not be broken together.” Hopper didn’t have the guts to look at her when himself was feeling too emotional. So he kept staring at the cars around them while he felt her hand squeezing his in reassurance.

Dustin, Mike, Jane, Will, Nancy and Jonathan left the Ball not too long after that. They were laughing together as if nothing had happened just three months ago and Joyce and Hopper exchanged a look of cherish and love that only the two of them would understand. Those children were the only thing that made them believe that better days were about to come.

“Hey, how was it?” Joyce said kissing the top of Will’s head. “Oh, it was good! Will even got a date!” Dustin said winking and poking the boy with his elbow. “Yeah, and Dustin slow danced with Nancy” Will answered in the same joking tone. “He did what?” now Mike was the one to enter the argument sounding outraged as Nancy rolled her eyes. Joyce noticed he had one arm around Jane’s shoulders, mimicking the way Jonathan hugged Nancy, and she immediately narrowed a look to Hopper who folded his arms in response.

“Alright, I see you all had tons of fun tonight but it’s freezing here, time to go home.” he said ending with the boy’s discussion. “Hm, Mrs Byers, would you give me a ride home? I didn’t exactly told Steve to pick me up” Dustin voiced a little embarrassed. “Sure, Dear! Anyone else needing a ride?” “Wait, where’s Lucas and Max?” Hop interrupted, looking around and not finding the two. “He’s taking her home by bike.” Mike explained “I’d do the same with Jane but…” “Yeah, yeah, we get it, Romeo. Let’s go then, I’ll take you home” Hopper said snitching his daughter from Mike for a semi-hug.

“Honey, aren’t you coming with us?” Joyce asked Jonathan who was already walking hand in hand with Nancy to his own car. “No, we’ll have dinner some place quiet. Hm… I won’t be late, promise” “Okay, just be careful! And drive safe!” she said but the teens were already on their way out. Jonathan placed a kiss on his mother's cheek and Nancy gave her a shy goodnight before entering in his car and leave the parking lot.

“Kids, you can go in, we’ll be there in a minute” Hopper said letting go of Jane. They all changed a look but the adults pretended not to noticed. “And I want to see everyone with their seatbelts on when I come” Joyce said to Dustin and Will after saying her goodbyes to Mike and Jane.

When the doors were closed and the kids were each in their cars, Joyce and Hopper put out their cigarettes. “So, see you around?” he said putting his hands on his pockets. “Yeah, I guess”  Joyce tried to smile but couldn’t hide the hurting. It was too much like a goodbye and she was never good at those.

He was almost turning around when she called from him one last time. Joyce stood on her tip toes to frame his face with one hand and place a little pack on his mouth. Just like old times, under the stairs, between fifth and sixth period.

“Thanks for today.” she whispered near his ear and let him go. Hopper was smiling when he nod, briefly caressing her face in return.

They didn’t say a word walking back to their own cars. And if the children had seen anything, they chose not to comment, for the relieve of the adults, who drove all the way back home thinking about each other.

BONUS:

“Do you think there’s something going on there?” Mike asked when Jane closed the door of the back seat. “Hm?” she said, confused. “There. Between Hopper and Joyce” Mike pointed to the back window and Jane discreetly looked them both talking through the rear-view mirror.

“Something… going on?” Jane asked again a little bit impatient. She hated when the boys talked in codes like that. “Yeah, hum… do you think they more-than-like each other?” the boy explained, turning around on his seat to stare at the window “Like, love?” Jane asked staying in the same position as he was, looking at her father.

Inside the car, the kids could see the two of them putting down their cigarettes and talking awkwardly. Hopper seemed very uncomfortable with the situation and when he was finally ready to leave, Joyce smiled and touched his face before placing a fast kiss in Hopper’s lips.

“OH!” Mike said, his eyes growing big with surprise “I knew it, I KNEW IT! They are totally into each other, did you see that?” “Yeah” Jane said still confused and now a bit shocked. She really didn’t saw that coming. “If things keep on moving like this it means that soon you’ll have a new mom, El!” the boy seated straight to eye her.

“A new momma?” Jane now was more than confused.  She was worried. She already had a mom and liked her very much. She didn’t want to replace her mom just because her mind was lost forever. But on the other hand, Joyce was always very kind to her, they shared a connection since that day in the school when Jane submerged into the upside down to contact Will. She loved Joyce and appreciated everything that she had done for her, but…

“Quick, he’s coming back” Mike poked her so Jane would sit straight like him. “Not a word!” Jane gestured for him to be quiet placing a finger in her lips. Mike just nodded.

“Alright” Hopper said sitting in the driver seat “You guys hungry? Should we pass on a drive thru before home?” “Yeah!” Mike said with excitement “Eggos?” Jane smiled, looking from Mike to Hopper

“Sure, kid” he laughed turning the radio on. Jim spent the whole way to the drive thru humming an old 60’s song and when Jane thought he was distracted enough, she got closer to Mike to whisper in his ear:  “I think Joyce makes him halfway happy”

[coyoteweird]

Sleep In The Heat - Chapter Two

So sorry this took so long, I was stuck on the very ending for some reason but finally got it! 

Sleep In The Heat - Chapter Two 

Summary:  

Persephonie's Children is a punk rock band comprised of homeless teens traveling around the country. 

When they travel to Derry, Maine, their lives are changed.

At least they befriend three local losers to help them out.

Warnings: None, mostly fluff with a bit of angst mixed in

Word Count: 6883

Dinner between Sonya and Eddie Kaspbrak was surprisingly quiet. Usually it was filled with chatter from Eddie, detailing his day and friends and events at school. Sonya would add her own stories about the events of her day at work. Today was different.

Eddie was already showered in his pajamas, a pair he’d stolen from Bill a few months before when his own clothes had been soaked from swimming. His hair smelled like his favorite strawberries and cream shampoo and his face was scrubbed clean, not a single blemish, zit, or blackhead adorned his face. Usually, if Eddie was displaying this sort of behavior, it would be off to the E.R., sure that he was suffering some deadly illness that would rip her boy away from her right before her very eyes. But he seemed to be glowing, smiling softly. He must have just had a busy day while playing at Bill’s house. So, she decided to leave it and let him eat, as long as he took his medicine and finished his broccoli.

She simply detailed the story that Brenda from PR told her about Brian from marketing and how he started crying at his desk because his supervisor told him that his ad promoting their new blood pressure medication was missing something. Eddie nodded and even giggled at the way his mother described the crying but didn’t add any of his usual comments.

When Eddie finished his meal, he went to immediately go upstairs to go to sleep, but his mother stopped him, frown etched onto her face.

“Eddie Bear, don’t forget to take your medicine! Don’t want you getting any more sick; with you out running amuck with those boys.” Sonya says, and Eddie rolls his eyes at the way she talks about his friends before turning back into the kitchen.

“Sorry mommy, just want to read the next chapter of Jurassic Park before I go to sleep.” Eddie says, pulling out the pill box, colored purple to signify night dose.

“Well, don’t stay up too late. Sleep helps to keep you healthy and fight off illness.” Sonya says, smiling as he swallows the various, multicolored pills with a large gulp of water from the sink, rakes her fingers through Eddie hair, now curling at the ends.

Sonya notices the curling and frowns, a memory from when she was Eddie’s own age flashes for a moment, but she pushes it away.

“Eddie Bear, you need a haircut. Your hair is getting long, and it’s easier to get lice from one of those kids at school or even at the Aladdin. I never trusted those nasty velvet chairs…” Sonya says, her face twisted in disgust.  

“I’ll be fine, mommy. Don’t worry, I’ll get it cut.” Eddie says with a smile, and Sonya smiles back.

“Well, I’m taking my medication and getting to sleep. You know how they make me sleep like a rock. Goodnight, Eddie Bear.” Sonya says, grabbing her own purple pill box.

“NIght mommy!” Eddie says, clammering up the stairs.

As soon as Eddie heard the squeaking of his mother’s old box spring and obnoxious snores filled the air, Eddie sprang into action. In the blink of an eye, he jumped out of his bed, where he had been pretending to sleep in case his mother checked up on him before she went to sleep, and stripped.

He had his outfit planned since he got home yesterday. He couldn’t show up in the clothes he would wear to the Barrens. No, tonight was special. They were going to a concert for the first time. Well, Bill and Stan had been to concerts before, but not Eddie. His mom would have a heart attack simply at the idea. The sound could damage his eardrums! The amount of people all on top of each other sweating! Not to mention the drugs and cigarettes that people did at these concerts would irritate his asthma. At least, that’s what she claimed when at twelve years old, Eddie had begged to see Madonna when she was playing in Portland, only an hour away from Derry. He had cried embarrassingly hard in bed when she yelled at him for asking, not that anyone besides himself knew that.

But that was five years ago and now he was going to a concert.

Once he finished dressing himself, he looked at his outfit in the mirror. These light wash jeans were his favorite. They were loose where they should be, but just the right amount of tight in the places that mattered. His baby pink oversized sweater was tucked loosely into the jeans and the sleeves were cuffed comfortably at the elbows. His favorite part though, were  his shoes. The white strappy heels added an extra two inches and dammit, they made him feel powerful. He wasn’t insecure of his height, but the extra inches that the heels provided gave him a little boost every so often.

He had started to dress feminine beyond the confines of his house about a year ago. His mother enjoyed it when he wore feminine things, saying they made him look pretty and how it was an easy way for them to connect. But she wasn’t the biggest fan of him wearing it outside the house. She only tried to steer him from it once, warning about other people's perception. But he wanted to feel pretty and he wasn’t scared of what Bowers or anyone else had to say about it. (Not necessarily true, but he wouldn’t let a few bruises and dirty looks get to him)

He looked at the clock and saw he only had twenty minutes before he had to meet Bill and Stan in his driveway and quickly sat at his desk. From underneath, he pulled out a small box. Inside was an array of makeup that Eddie had built up, with the help of his mother of course. He didn’t want to over do it, so he did a more minimal look, accenting his features. As he painted his face precisely, he could feel the confidence he got while doing his makeup compete with the nervousness he felt when he thought of tonight. While Bill and Stan completely supported Eddie and were by now unfazed by his feminine tendencies (as his mother called it), he had no idea what the others would think. They had only known them for a day, would they hate him, even try to hurt him? He shook the thought from his head, if he got into that mindset now, the entire night would be ruined.

Once he was finished, he sprayed his face to make sure no matter how much he sweat at the bar, his makeup wouldn’t budge. He then grabbed his house key and tip toes out the front door. Sure enough, Bill and Stan were talking quietly at the end of the driveway, next his neighbor's rose bushes. Bill was going on about something that Eddie couldn’t hear. Stan had a soft smile on his face, a faint blush across his cheeks. Eddie rolled his eyes. The pair were so in love and didn’t even realize it. It was adorable and sickening. Eddie was just grateful that the years of friendship never allowed him to feel like a third wheel, the trio were best friends, and the increasing romantic feelings between two of them couldn’t change that.

“H-Hey Eddie, y-y-you look good!” Bill said once he eyes Eddie approaching.

“With the amount of time spent getting ready, I’d hope so.” Stan deadpans and the trio laughs.

“Beauty isn’t easy or quick, Stan. We need to look good if we’re going to get in.” Eddie says as the begin the walk toward the center of town wear the bar was.

“I’m s-s-sure we’ll b-b-be fine.” Bill says but Stan rolls his eyes.

“Yes, it’s the bouncers you’re trying to impress and not at all Richie.” Stan retorts, causing Eddie to turn bright red.

“Stan! I do not have a crush on the trashmouth! And you are not one to talk about crushes.” Eddie retorts making Stan’s eyes widen.

“Y-Y-You h-have a c-crush on s-someone?” Bill asks, hurt that Stan would tell Eddie and not Bill.

“No, I do not. Eddie is just deflecting so he can deny his obvious crush.” Stan says.

Bill changes the topic, not wanting to deal with whatever this is. They talk a bit about their summer plans and mostly about if they’ll get into the bar. None of them had the desire to drink, they simply wanted to watch the band. Hopefully the bouncers will believe them.

Eddie feels a bit guilty for sneaking out. If his mother knew he had snuck off to go to a bar to see a punk band comprising of a group of homeless teens, he was pretty sure she would die on the spot. But he always did what she wanted. Tonight he was doing something for him.  

Meanwhile, at Tempe Tavern, the members of Persephone’s Children were getting ready for their performance. Mike and Ben were setting up the speakers and other tech equipment with the help of a mostly lost waitress. They whizzed around the small stage, plugging things in here and carrying equipment there. Bev was talking to the bartender, and from where Richie is, he can see she she is leaning towards the man, no older than 20; her signature I want something so I’m going to flirt it out of you smile plastered to her face. Richie was sitting on the stage, he legs dangling off and his guitar in his lap. He was in charge of tuning his and Bev’s guitars as well as Mike’s bass. While he strummed the strings of his guitar, listening to the slight change in tune as he plucks each string, he decides to listen in on Bev’s conversation.

“This place is already more crowded than I thought! For such a small town, it’s already filling up.” Bev says and the bartender lets out a deep laugh.

“Sure, Derry is small but people come from all around to Tempe. Rock is everywhere but not many places in south Maine cater to it. We’re one of the few, hence our popularity. It gets pretty rowdy in here.” He says, cleaning glasses to be sure they’d be ready when customers started swarming as the band played.

“That’s amazing, I love this place already. The shows gonna be awesome! I just hope that my friends can see it. Should be a sight!” She says, leaning just that much closer to the man.

“Any friend of yours should be fine!” The man says, eyes straying from Bev’s face; Richie scrunches his nose.

“I hope so! They’re from in town but I’m afraid they won’t get it. I’d ask the bouncer but I don’t know him…” Bev says, eyeing the man.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it! What are their names? Hey, Tommy, get over here!” The man yells and Richie rolls his eyes.

Richie loved Bev, but sometimes she can be too nice. She had a contingency for helping people, even if it puts her at risk. It was sweet, but Richie was not like that. Why bother? People only ask for help because they are using you. Once they get what they want, they move on and leave you in the dust.

“Alright Lassy, have a right time flirting with the bloke over there?” Richie says in a voice that is an obvious attempt at irish but sounds more like an off Richie.

“I was making sure the Bill, Stan, and Eddie can get in without the bouncer kicking them to the curb. My plan was a success.” Bev responds, ignoring Richie’s terrible voice.

“That’s awesome! They seemed cool.” Ben says, not only happy that Bev is happy, but happy to make friends in general.

“I think they’ll enjoy the show. They seem like they’d be down.” Mike adds before returning his focus to the amp that was just a second slower than the rest.

“Was that really necessary?” Richie asks, not looking up from the guitar.

“Uh, duh, Richie. What if they wouldn’t let them in? I mean, they definitely don’t look 18.” Bev says as if Richie just asked if the earth was flat.  

“Do you think they’re even gonna fucking show? I mean, they didn’t seem like they go to punk shows on the reg. Eddie would have a fucking conniption at the mention of a house gig. I think he would actually drop dead with a goddamn aneurysm.” Richie says, laughing but Bev saw right through it.

“They’ll come. They wouldn’t have said they would if they weren’t. They don’t seem the type. Richie…” Bev tries to talk to him about it but Richie cuts her off before she could.

“These assholes are about as punk as my pinky toe. No way would those three classic american boys be caught dead here. I’m more focused on what babe I’ll be fucking tonight. I mean, look at all the-” Richie starts but Ben cuts him off.

“Beep. Beep, Richie.” And the moment is forgotten and before they can think to bring it back up, they are starting.

Bev, being the fiery soul she is, starts the introductions, saying who played what and the band’s name. While Mike strummed his bass and Ben smashed his drums, Richie’s eyes scanned the crowd, searching everywhere for the trio (definitely not especially Eddie, nope). He laughed at the things Bev said about him and played a quick solo but still searched. The trio were nowhere to be found, the light may have been bright, but the room was small enough for Richie to be able to see that they were nowhere in sight.

As they went straight into the first song, Bev scanned the crowd for their new friends, disappointed that they weren’t there. But, they were only starting and even she could see the line in the window. There was still plenty of time for the boys to make their way in. But, as she belted out the first verse of the song, she turned to Richie and felt like her heart was being squeezed. The utter devastation written all over his face made her want to drop her guitar and wrap him in a hug.

It was no secret that Richie was the most guarded of the four of them. While all four had shitty pasts, Richie’s had to be the worst. He rarely ever shared anything from before they lived in Mike’s van; but from the snippets Bev got out of him, it was a horror show that matched and maybe surpassed her own horrors. The two are closer; close enough to consider each other siblings, even if there is no blood relation. But, that wasn’t the case at first. It took an entire month for them to have a conversation. So, when she saw how eager Richie was the help the boys, she was surprised. He had let his walls down just a bit for these boys and seeing them not there broke his heart, which broke Bev’s.

At the same time, Bill, Stan, and Eddie all waited on line outside the Tempe Tavern, eager to get in as the show had already started.

“I can’t believe we’re missing it! We’re gonna miss the whole thing and look like complete jerks!” Eddie said, his anxiety only skyrocketing as the line shuffled forward slowly.

“W-We’re n-n-not g-gonna miss i-it, Eddie. T-T-There a-are only s-s-six p-people a-ahead of us.” Bill said, but his increased stutter revealed his own nervousness.

“Both of you are way too high strung about this. It’s just a show in a bar in Derry. This isn’t the House of Blues.” Stan says, rolling his eyes at his two idiot friends.

“I will not be shown up by Richie! I said that I would be here and dammit I’m getting in there even if I have to climb the goddamn roof!” Eddie says, face red from yelling.

“IDs.” The bouncer says, interrupting the trio who hadn’t realized they made it to the front of the line yet.

“W-W-We’re n-not h-here to d-d-drink, w-we’re just h-here for the b-band.” Bill says and the bouncer has an unimpressed look on the face.

“Sure, you and every other kid in town. Next!” the bouncer says and two people shove2 the three forward.

“Seriously, we don’t drink. You can have someone watch us for all we care.” Stan says, trying to help.

“I have better things to do than babysit all night.” The bouncer says.

“We’re friends with the band! If you just asked then th-” Eddie started frantically but was cut off by the bouncer snapping his head to the trio with an alarmed expression. “Wait, what are you names?” The bouncer asks, the three boys give each other a look before complying.

“Oh my, I am so sorry! Come in! I didn’t realize you were on the list! The band specifically asked for you!” The bouncer yelled, pulling the boys inside like rag dolls.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone. I really need this job. Don’t worry about the cover, it’s on the house. Have a nice night, boys!” The bouncer yells as he shoves the shocked boys inside.

“T-Told y-you we would g-get in.” Bill says smiling and leading his way through the crowd, Eddie and Stan following closely.

“Are you sure we’re still in Derry? This place is actually crowded.” Stan says, looking around with a grimace.

“I can’t believe we were on the list…” Eddie says, attempting to ignore the flutter in his chest.

Eddie scanned the crowd around him, seeing how packed the bar was and how he didn’t recognize most of the people in it. To be fair, he has never been to a bar before. But a large portion of these people were definitely not from Derry. A majority of them, dressed like Bev and Richie and for a moment Eddie felt out of place. But, as they made their way closer to the stage, Eddie saw the band and quietly gasped.

Ben was banging the drums, a concentrated look on his face, his shirt already showing signs of him sweating under the lights. Mike had a smile on his face, nodding his head to the tune he played for the others. Bev had a bright smile, seeming to buzz as she played her bright pink guitar. Then there was Richie. Richie was actually jumping along with the song, playing his guitar so fast that Eddie couldn’t keep up with the movements of his fingers. Richie and Eddie locked eyes for a moment, just as the song was ending and Richie seemed to light up like the sun. Eddie smiled in return, the back of his mind cataloging the lack of judgement on Richie’s face. Quite the opposite, he seemed ecstatic that they had made it. It was a bit overwhelming for Eddie and he turned to look at the smirking faces of his friends, his face turning red again.

Richie turned to Bev, his smile from ear to ear and he seemed to buzz with excitement. She returned the smile, happy to see her new friends and happy that Richie is out of his funk. Sure, to anyone besides the band, he was happy and charged up. But they could see the disappointment radiating off of him. But as soon as Bill, Stan, and Eddie walked through the door, it was like he was struck by lightning. As they finished the song, Richie looked Eddie in the eyes once more and spoke into the microphone.

“Damn, Bev, this place sure knows how to pack a room. Look at all these fuckers!” Richie says with a smile, the crowd cheers and Bev laughs.

“They sure do, Richie!” Bev responds.

“Well, this one goes out to all our new friends tonight! This is Fake Smiles and Nervous Laughter. Hope you enjoy it.” Richie yelled and the band immediately started playing the song.

It was risky to play it so soon, seeing as Richie had only written it the night before. It was rare for Richie to create almost an entire song so quickly. He begged the others to learn it and play tonight, so they agreed to play it in the beginning of the set after practicing the whole day. It couldn’t hurt and it was a fun song. Throughout the song, Richie would stare at Eddie before focusing on Bev and Mike, and it did not go unnoticed by anyone. Eddie fails to hide his blood red face and wide smile behind his hands, which also does not go unnoticed.  

“He keeps staring at you, Eddie.” Stan states and Eddie barely registers he said anything, too focused on the band (Richie).   

“Y-Y-Yeah, he a-already has a c-c-crush on y-y-you, Eddie!” Bill says, a smile spreading across his face.

“He doesn’t have a crush on me. He’s just performing.” Eddie yells over the crowd, starting to dance a bit.

Stan and Bill share a knowing look before begrudgingly dancing alongside Eddie.

The show was amazing. Absolutely amazing. Eddie didn’t know if this was like any other concert or just this concert, but Eddie loved it. The music was so loud this is body felt like it was shaking. The people were all jumping around and dancing, their sweaty bodies colliding. The smoke from cigarettes and maybe something else was wafting through the air. Eddie loved every second of it. He felt like his body was on fire. He couldn’t stop laughing, and at times he sang along as if he knew that words. If this was how concerts were, then he wanted to go to them all the time.

Bill and Stan saw how enthralled with everything Eddie was, and they were completely surprised. They thought that Eddie would be dying to get out, away from all the people and smoke and sweat. But the boy looked like he was having the time of his life. Sure, Bill and Stan had gone to a few concerts with their families and even each other. But this was Eddie’s first. They were sure they looked like Eddie at their first concert.

Eventually, after an hour and a half, the show ended. The energy of the crowd died down and  people started to disperse. This did not mean, however, that Eddie calmed down at all.

“Come on, guys! We have to go say hi!” Eddie yelled, grabbing his friend's hands and dragging them up to the stage. A small crowd, much smaller than before, gathered by the stage talking to the band as the packed away all their equipment. But that didn’t stop Eddie from barreling his way through to talk to them.

Richie was packing the guitars away into their cases when he heard Eddie pushing his way closer. At first he thought he was imagining it until he turned to look.

“Excuse me! Pardon! Oops! Making my way through!” Eddie yelled, pushing past the other people with an unapologetic look on his face.

“Eddie!” Richie says, smiling and rushing over the the edge of the stage to talk to them.

“Richie! Oh my god, that was amazing! Like, holy shit! You said you were in a band but you didn’t say you were actually good! Better than good! Amazing!” Eddie yelled, practically jumping off the walls, the biggest smile on his face.

“Glad you liked it, Eddie Spaghetti. We just knew we had to put on a good show with such a babe in the audience!” Richie replies and if his heart is fluttering at Eddie’s words, he doesn’t tell anyone.

“Don’t call me that, asshole!” Eddie yells with absolutely no malice in his tone.

“Y-You g-guys were g-g-great, Richie!” Bill says.

“You were fine.” Stan adds, in Stan talk that was a great compliment.

“Thanks guys! That means a lot!” Bev responds from behind Richie.

“Hey Bev! You have such an amazing voice! Like, the way you sing in contrast to how you play the guitar is amazing!” Eddie says, and Bev laughs loudly.

“Wow, Eddie, thanks! I can see you enjoyed it!” Bev says, her smile as bright as ever.

“Enjoyed it? You’d think he just did crack! The kid’s ecstatic!” Richie says and Eddie smacks his leg.

“I had fun! That was just great! How Mike and Ben seem to mesh and you two bounce off of each other and how it all blends together! I loved it! Not my usual music but still, pretty freaking amazing!” Eddie went on, causing Richie to blush and Bev to snicker.

“We should be done packing away the instruments. Most of it is staying here for tomorrow’s show so it should only take a few minutes! Why don’t you get a booth and we’ll all meet you over there!” Bev says and Eddie is charging off to find a big enough table.

“Your boy toy seemed very impressed, Richie.” Bev says before walking away to finish up.

“He is not my boy toy!” Richie yells and scrambles to follow.

True to her word, the band didn’t take longer than ten minutes to meet them at the table, drinks in hand.

“We made it, bitches!” Richie yelled, throwing himself into the booth across from Eddie.

“And we brought drinks!” Ben says, handing out bottles of coke.

“You guys were just amazing! That was crazy!” Eddie burst out and everyone laughs.

“Thanks Eddie, I’m glad you had fun!” Mike says, sliding in after Bev.

“Y-Y-Yeah! Y-You guys are t-t-talented!” Bill says.

“Not bad.” Stan says and all four smile.

“Thanks! We had a ton of fun! We had no idea it would get this crazy. Felt a lot like a house gig. Our bar gigs are usually a lot less crowded.” Ben says with a smile.  

“God, those must be crazy! I’ve never had this much fun in my life.” Eddie says, his smile looking like it’ll break his face.

“Jesus, Eds, are you this hyper after every concert or are we just that special?” Richie jokes,

“I don’t know, this is my first one!” Eddie says, still buzzing with excitement.

“Wow, at the bright age of 16, Persephone’s Children has taken the concert v-card of the one and only Eddie Kaspbrak. This is a day that’ll live in infamy.” Richie says and everyone laughs again.

For a while, all seven of them just hang out at the table and laugh. Bev and Richie smoke a bit, but no one seems to mind just then. They were all having fun in each other’s company and riding out the thrill of the show until they all run out of drinks and can feel their mouth's getting dry. So, after a particularly bad mom joke, Richie is deemed responsible to get everyone another coke.

“What? Why do I have to get it. I’m all the way on the inside!” Richie yells.

“Because that was a terrible joke, asshole!” Eddie yells.

“Fine, but I want my seat when i get back!” Richie yells and the others move so he can get out.

After fifteen minutes, Richie still hadn’t returned. Eddie was growing restless. He claimed that he just wanted his drink, but really, he was worried. They were in a bar after all, anything could happen.

“I’m gonna go look for him.” Eddie declares standing up.

“Seriously, Eddie. He’ll probably be over any second.” Stan says, rolling his eyes.

“I swear, Stanley. If you make me crawl on the disgusting floor, I’m going to kick your ass.” Eddie says with a glare and Bill and Stan let him out.

He walks towards the bar, fully intending to ask the bartender if he’d seen Richie when he sees him. Richie was leaning his back against the bar, elbows resting over the ledge. He had a lazy smile on his face, eyes half-lidded. In front of him was a tall guy, at least Mike’s height. He was wearing clothing similar to Richie’s but much cleaner. He was practically pressing himself into Richie, smirking and eying him like he was a dog and Richie was a piece of meat. Seven bottle of coke surrounded Richie and Eddie swore he was seeing red. Who the hell was this creep all over Richie?

“Jesus, Richie. We’ve been waiting for our drinks, asshole.” Eddie says glaring at the stranger.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were with people.” The guy says, giving Eddie a look.

“Well, I didn’t perform all on my lonesome, stranger. It was nice chatting with you.” Richie says in a terrible attempt at a southern accent.

“If you wanted to flirt with some guy, least you could do was bring the drinks first.” Eddie says, leaning to grab a few of the bottles.

“Don’t worry Eds, I only got my eyes on the cute ones.” Richie says with a wink, grabbing some of the bottles. Then he says something unexpected.

“I really like your outfit. It suits you well.” Richie says, eyeing Eddie up and down.

He could barely tear his eyes away from the exposed collarbones, littered with freckles and beauty marks, To his small feet wrapped in pretty white heels. To the light blue jeans hugging him in just the right places, leaving Richie with images to think about later.

“Oh, uh, thanks Richie.” Eddie says, blushing at the comment.

“Are you wearing make-up?” Richie asks and Eddie tenses a bit.

“Yeah, I like to wear it sometimes.” Eddie says, refusing to lie but a bit afraid of his reaction.

When Richie noticed the sharp black eyeliner framing his eyes, he was pretty sure his heart stopped. His cheekbones were painted with a pink and gold shimmer. His eyebrows seemed a bit darker, more perfect. His eyelashes were inky and thick, curled more than yesterday.

“It’s beautiful, Eds. You should practice on me sometime.” Richie half joked.

“Maybe it’ll make-up for all the terrible jokes.” Eddie says, smiling and Richie gasps.

“Edward! How dare you! Not only did you insult my amazing humor, but with a pun!” Richie says, and the pair laughs.

Once they’re all back in there seats and talking and joking again, Eddie notices. There next to the table as if he belonged there, was the dog that had been patched up only days before.

“Why the hell is that dog here?” Stan asks, confused.

“Oh, Pup?” Richie asks as if it’s completely normal for a huge dog to be sitting in a bar… with headphones on.

“Don’t ask. I woke up this morning to them all cuddled up and they’ve been attached at the hip since.” Bev says and Richie blushes deeply.

“I’m not even surprised.” Stan says and everyone laughs.

Eddie doesn’t though, he has a soft smile on his face. Eddie didn’t think it was weird or embarrassing, it was honestly sweet. Sure, maybe sleeping with a stray dog is a bit questionable, but the sentiment is still there. For the short amount of time that Eddie had known him, Richie seemed keep a front of not caring and not being serious, so this was a sneak peak at a different side of him that Eddie hoped he would see more of.

Eddie’s moment does not go unnoticed. Bev, who sat next to an oblivious Richie, noticed this off look on Eddie’s face. She could barely keep it to herself, but she did. She was conflicted. She wanted Richie to be happy, he was her brother after all. She wanted him to have good things in his life. But they were only in Derry for another day, then they were back on the road to nowhere. She wanted Richie to be happy, but will him getting attached then having to leave would just make things worse. She didn’t know so she kept her thoughts to herself. This one would be for Richie to figure out.

After a few hours, well into the early morning, the bar closes and the seven are forced to separate. Stan was sleeping over Bill’s house, the whole reason he could go in the first place, so they were walking the opposite direction of Eddie’s house. Bev, Mike, and Ben all get into the car to drive back to field but Richie doesn’t get into the car.

“Richie you coming?” Mike asks, confused.

“Nah, me and Pup are gonna walk Eddie home. I’ll see you later.” Richie says.

“You don’t have to walk me home. I’ll be fine.” Eddie says, faking annoyance but touched.

“And miss some good ol’ alone time with my Eddie Spaghetti? No way!” Richie says and Eddie punches his arm lightly and they start the walk.

They walked in silence for a moment, Pup trotting along in between them. Eddie reached down and petted the top of her head.

“Are you really gonna keep her?” Eddie asked, looking at Richie.

“Of course! I can’t just leave her out on her own. She doesn’t seem to want to be left either. Guess I’m stuck with her.” Richie said, scratching behind her ears.

“Do you have dog food?”

“Uh, we have food? She mostly likes beef jerky.” Richie answers.

“Richie! She’s a dog! She needs actual dog food not road trip snacks!” Eddie says exasperated.

“How do I get dog food?” Richie asks, the back of his neck prickling with embarrassment.

He was well aware that he probably couldn’t afford dog food. They couldn’t even afford gas. Dog food was expensive.

“Hm… leave it to me. I’m sure Bill could come up with some plan to get it.” Eddie answers after a moment of thinking.

“Is his brother really missing?” Richie says without really thinking, wanting to face palm when he realizes what he said.

Eddie takes a deep breath before answering, his steps slowing just a bit. But, before Richie can tell him nevermind, Eddie responds.

“They had a funeral for Georgie but… they never actually found him. He was playing with a paper boat out in the rain. They say he got swept up into the storm drains. There was blood all over the street leading into the drain. After six months, they buried an empty casket.” Eddie says, his voice lacking it’s normal spark.

“Jesus that is tough. How come he is still looking for him?”

“He doesn’t believe Georgie’s dead. At least, he doesn’t want to believe. Stan and I know that Georgie isn’t wandering around the woods, but we can’t just tell him that. It would kill him…” Eddie trails off.

Richie doesn’t really know how to respond. A completely inappropriate joke pops into his head but he lights a cigarette before it can leave his mouth.

“You do know those things can kill you, right?” Eddie says, his nose scrunched up and Richie thinks it makes his heart stop.

“Lots of things can kill you, Eds. Are you gonna let that stop you from living life?” Richie asks, taking a long drag and blowing it out away from Eddie, remembering his little blue inhaler.

“Yeah, well I’d like to spend the rest of my life actually living and not gasping for breathe in some shitty hospital bed.” Eddie says, glaring at Richie.

“Fuck, Eds. That was dark as shit.” Richie says, but drops the cigarette and puts it out with his foot.

“You’ll thank me in twenty years when you can still jump around on stage without getting out of breath before the first song ends.” Eddie says, a small smile on his face again.

“I’ll only thank you if you’re there to see it.” Richie says with a smirk, but Eddie can see the uncertainty in his eyes. They really give him away.

“If all your shows are like tonight, then definitely.” Eddie says, a bright smile on his face.

“You really did enjoy it, didn’t you!” Richie teases and Eddie blushes.

“I’ve never been to a concert before…” Eddie mumbles.

“Holy shit, really Eds? That is a crime against humanity! Everyone needs to go to concerts! They give you just about the best feeling in the world!” Richie exclaims.

“I’m sure I can think of a few other things that can give the best feeling in the world.” Eddie says with a smirk, this time Richie blushes.

“Wow, Eddie Spaghetti gets off a good one. I’m rubbing off on you already!” Richie says and they both laugh loudly, not caring about the time.

Before the realized, they were standing outside of Eddie’s house. Eddie notices that no lights are on, meaning his mom slept through the night. Thank god.

“This is me…” Eddie says as he walks up the small set of steps with Richie.

“I guess this is goodnight, my dearest Edward.” Richie says using an attempt at a british accent.

Eddie and Richie stand face to face at the front door in silence; Richie fiddles with his glasses and Eddie pulls out his key. Eddie unlocks the door, but just before he turns the doorknob he does the unexpected.

“Night, Trashmouth.” Eddie says, and kisses Richie softly on the cheek.

Richie’s skin turns bright red and before he can say anything, Eddie rushes inside. Instead of rushing upstairs into his room, Eddie spies on Richie through his front windows curtains. Richie is standing in the same spot he was in moments ago. His hand is lightly brushing his cheek where Eddie had kissed him. He had the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. After a few moments, he seemed to realize he was just standing on Eddie’s porch and turned to face his dog.

“Holy shit! Pup did you see that! He kissed my fucking cheek! I am never washing this cheek again!” Richie exclaims, practically skipping off the porch and down the street.

Eddie laughs softly. This boy is too much for him.

Eddie quietly heads up to his bedroom, making sure to skip the sixth step that always made a high pitched squeak. He shut his door as slow and quiet as he could, then quickly stripped. He put the pajamas he has on before he left and wiped the makeup off with the wipes he mother bought him. Just as he settled into bed and shut his eyes, smile still plastered onto his face, his mother opened the door.

“Eddie Bear, why are you up? It’s nearly five in the morning?” His mother asked, voice thick with concern.

“I just had to go to the bathroom, mommy. Sorry for waking you.” He easily lies.

“Alright Eddie Bear. Sleep well.” With that, his mom goes back to her own bedroom.

Eddie closes his eyes again. He brings his hand to his lips, fingertips just barely brushing against them. Richie’s skin was surprisingly soft and just a little bit sweaty. Eddie loved it.

Sure, Eddie knew that Richie wasn’t going to be in Derry forever and he should probably at least try to protect his feelings, but he didn’t want to think about that just yet. He was happy. He’d never met someone like Richie and Derry wasn’t the most accepting place. So he’ll take this little summer love and treasure it.

Richie watched the sun rise in the distance, just beyond the field. He decided he was too amped up to go sleep in the blanket on the field just yet. So, he and Pup continued to slowly walk through Derry. By the time he was walking down the road towards the field, the sun was almost finished rising. He took this time the think.

They were only going to be in Derry a few more days, and that’s never bothered him before. They didn’t live the kind of life that allowed you to really settle down. He was always in a new place with new people, besides the others at least. But now he’s met Eddie and a piece of him wished his life had been different. For the first time in a long time, he wished he had a normal life. He wished he was a normal seventeen year old instead of a homeless runaway. He actually wanted something with Eddie, was willing to try. Sure, being close to someone scared the shit out of him, but Eddie made him feel like maybe he can deal with that fear.

Eddie had kissed him! Right on the cheek even though he hadn’t properly bathed and was a bit sweaty from the show. He kissed his check so softly, he thought he might burst. It was perfect and Richie wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Richie was so focused on his own thoughts, he didn’t hear the low rumble of a car behind him. He didn’t even realize he wasn’t alone until suddenly, his arms were being grabbed from behind him. It was all so fast, he didn’t even realise what was going on. One second he was thinking about a kiss to the cheek by a pretty boy; next he was being pulled into a car by four pissed off older teens. He could hear Pup barking viciously just outside the door and someone cursing her out. He was more focused on the familiar faces staring at him with smiles that sent chills down his spine. Fuck.

okay there we go! again, sorry it took so long but I finally did it!

I really hope that y’all enjoy this! sorry if there are errors or anything but I’m the only one who edits it so it’s hard to get them all. 

Tag List (couldn’t tag the bolded):@richie-n-eds @heere-i-am @ahyesfandoms @asteroidbill @strangerbeeps @edsandtrashmouth @eddiekaspbraked @wyttolff @gazebhoes

[obsessedauthorchan-blog]

Gift Return - Eruri - ErwinWeek - Day 7: Birthday

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Relationship: Levi/Erwin Smith Characters: Erwin Smith, Levi, Hanji Zoe (mentioned), Eren Yeager (mentioned), Mikasa Ackerman (mentioned), Armin Arlert (mentioned), Mike Zacharias (mentioned), Nile Dok (mentioned), Dot Pixis (mentioned) Additional Tags: erwinweek, Day 7, Birthday, birthday fic, Prompt Fill, Prompt Week, last day of prompt week, last day of Erwin Week, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, confessing without actually confessing, awe its so cute, Fluff, Banter, sort of, what is tagging, not enough angst to be tagged angst, maybe light angst, okay fine, Light Angst, im so sad erwin week is over now, Canon Universe, but obviously not canon, cause ya know..., they kiss, happy birthday Erwin! Language: English

Summary:

Erwin thought Levi had forgotten about his birthday. Turns out he was just conflicted.

Story:

Erwin really didn't care much about his birthday. Honestly, he wouldn't have minded if everybody just pretended it was no different than another day, mostly because he didn't think it really was any different. The Titans were still out there and still winning, and humanity should focus all of their attention on fighting them - regardless of what day of the year it was.

And yet at breakfast, Mike clapped him on the shoulder and gave him well wishes, congratulating him for surviving yet another year in the Scouting Legion.

Hanji took time away from her experiments to congratulate him in typical Hanji-like fashion - overly loud and chaotic, but with good intentions behind the madness.

Eren and Armin pitched in their well wished as well - Mikasa had simply nodded in respectful acknowledgement, which he appreciated - and Nile even sent a message from Wall Sina to congratulate him. It arrived around noon, so he must have sent it at bare minimum the day before in oder for it to have reached him on the right day. Pixis, too, sent him something: a bottle of wine, which was entirely according to his general character.

Erwin was touched by the gestures, even if he hadn't thought them necessary. He was pleased that, despite everything happening, the people around him felt he was important enough to celebrate. All of them had been very thoughtful.

All but one.

Erwin told himself that he wasn't disappointed that Levi hadn't even given the same level of acknowledgement as Mikasa Ackerman. Levi had seen him at every meal, had discussed several matters in his office, and had passed him in the halls half a dozen times, but he'd never given a single clue that he even remembered that it was Erwin's birthday at all. He told himself he didn't care one bit, but he was unused to denial, and the lie sounded foreign to his own mind.

He had considered if Levi knew, had known all day, but knew that Erwin didn't want to make a big deal out such inconsequential things. He wondered if Levi had simply respected that wish and went about pretending the day was no different than any other - because it really was.

Erwin wasn't sure if that was the case, and it was the uncertainty that was killing him.

Sometime around dinner, Erwin just decided to do his best to put the issue to the side as best he could and focus on his work. Because of his wandering thoughts throughout the day, Erwin hadn't been half as productive as he usually was, and he decided to stay up late to catch up. He left his office to take care of a few things and make a few deliveries that would normally done by subordinates had it not been so late. By the time he returned to his office it was fully dark outside and nearing midnight.

He'd put out all the lamps before he left to save fuel. When he entered his office it was pitch black, but he had no difficulty navigating it in the dark. It was simple and bare of all embellishments or decorations - his office was for working, not getting distracted - so the only things for him to trip over were his desk, his chair, and the two chairs in front of the desk for meetings. Neither were by the lamp, so he had nothing to avoid as he made his way over.

He grabbed the matches off the shelf upon which the lamp sat and lit one. He held it to the wick and waited a moment for it to catch before snuffing the match and replacing the glass bulb. He turned around to go to his desk but froze before he took a single step.

"Hey," Levi said quietly from his perch on the edge of Erwin's desk.

Erwin kept his expression neutral as he nodded. "Levi. Can I help you with something?"

"It's you birthday," was all Levi said, and, though it wasn't much of an answer to Erwin's question, he couldn't help a small smile.

"You remembered."

Levi gave him a look, minuscule though it was, that was clearly hurt. Or at least, it was clear to Erwin, who had long ago learned to decipher many of Levi's minute expressions. "You thought I forgot?"

Erwin took a deep breath, trying to decide how best to answer the question without offending the man. "Well, you didn't say anything. So I assumed that you either forgot or were choosing not to make a big deal out of it as I usually request every year. It wasn't as though I minded, Levi."

One of Levi's delicate eyebrows rose into his forehead. "You didn't mind," he repeated dubiously.

"No, I didn't."

"I thought you had decided not to lie to me. Or yourself."

Erwin sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he internally ceded the point. "What do you want me to say, Levi? That the only person I wanted to remember seemed to be the only person who didn't?"

There was silence in response, and Erwin mentally shook his head in disappointment. Not with Levi, but with himself. He should have known better than to say something like that. It cut far too close to the truth at his heart, and he knew Levi was smart enough to connect the dots, if he hadn't already done so long ago.

Erwin swallowed around the lump in his throat and started to walk around to behind his desk. He was parallel with Levi when the shorter man broke the silence. "I was trying to decide what to get you."

For the second time that night, Levi had stopped Erwin in his tracks. "What do you mean?" he asked, hoping an elaboration on Levi's part would help Erwin get his head back on straight.

"For your birthday. I was trying to decide on a gift. I haven't had any leave to go buy something and the only thing I know how to make is tea. You don't drink tea."

The small smile from earlier had returned to Erwin's face. "You didn't need to get me anything, Levi. You still don't."

Levi shook his head. He turned to look at Erwin and, after some hesitation, stood up straight. "I know I didn't have to, Eyebrows. I wanted to. I still want to."

Erwin's eyebrows furoughed, unsure of where Levi was going with this. Whatever gift Levi had in mind must have been small enough to fit in a pocket, because he didn't see anything else.

Levi continued. "I've spent the last week trying to come up with something, but I could only ever think of one thing. And since nothing else came to mind, I spent all day today trying to decide if I wanted to go through with it or not."

Now Erwin was really confused, because Levi wasn't really much for hesitating or second guessing himself. "Did you come to a conclusion?"

"Would I be telling you all this if I decided against it?"

Erwin tilted his head to cede the point. "Fair enough. So what have you been debating for so long?"

Levi had moved closer to Erwin throughout the conversation. Now he was only a couple feet away from the man. "I had actually decided against it when I came here. I was just going to wish you a happy birthday or whatever so you knew I didn't forget." Levi smirked. "Then you were gone so long I thought your birthday would be over by the time you got here."

Erwin smiled softly. "Yes, well, I've been a little distracted today. I had some things to get done."

Levi took another step closer. "Distracted by everybody's well wishes, or distracted by waiting for the one person you wanted to remember to show that they had?"

Erwin managed to stop himself from blushing, but it was a very close call. "Levi, I-"

"I had decided against it," Levi interrupted, and Erwin wondered when was the last time Levi had said so much in one conversation, if he ever had. "But then you said that, about wanting me to remember, and I changed my mind. You changed my mind."

Erwin swallowed, wondering what exactly Levi could be talking about and wishing he would get to it because this conversation was making him nervous. "Oh?"

Levi took one more step and now there was less than a foot of space between them. "It's not midnight yet," Levi said, and his expression changed, making it look almost like he was smiling. "I can still give you your birthday gift."

Erwin didn't have time to ask him what it was before Levi slid his hands behind his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

It was... amazing, especially considering how short it was and how long it took Erwin to overcome his shock and return it. In fact, by the time he was ready to participate, Levi was already pulling away, his expression neutral once more. "Sorry if you don't like it, Eyebrows. It was the best I could come up with." Levi hesitated for half a second, then he gave him a curt nod and turned as if he was going to just leave. As if Erwin would let him just leave after that.

Like hell, he was.

Erwin grabbed him by the arm, just above his elbow, which stopped Levi in his tracks. "You're right, Levi."

Levi stiffened, and it seemed as if he had even stopped breathing. He said nothing, nor did he look at Erwin.

Erwin smirked to himself as he continued. "I'm not satisfied with my gift." Then he used his grip on Levi's arm to pull him back and spin him around until their chests were pressed together and he was holding Levi in his arms. "I'd like to return it."

This time Erwin kissed Levi and it lasted a whole lot longer.

When they pulled apart, Erwin was pretty sure he was smiling like an idiot, and Levi was blushing red as a tomato and unsuccessfully trying to hide it. The shorter man cleared his throat, probably as a means to distract from the rosy tint to his porcelain cheeks. "Oi, Eyebrows. Don't you know it's rude to refuse a birthday gift?"

Erwin nodded in faux consideration. "I suppose you're right, Levi. I must apologize. I suppose I'll just have to take my gift back."

This time when they kissed, neither of them stopped at all, until the clock in Erwin's office chimed midnight. Levi pulled away, his expression the most vulnerable Erwin had ever seen it. "So how was this year's birthday, Erwin?"

Erwin smiled at him and gave him a peck on the nose, which Levi wrinkled in faux disgust. "Best ever, as far as I'm concerned."

"Good then. No more returns after midnight."

Erwin sighed in pretend disappointment. "Well then, I suppose I'll just have to come up with another excuse to kiss you."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Or you could just kiss me because you want to. Baka."

"Yeah," Erwin agreed, "I suppose that would be a pretty good excuse."

Levi didn't look amused, but he still let Erwin kiss him again, so that seemed like a win.

[itscooltobefanficy]

Feeling Alive- Part 12

Summary: Dance school!AU (or the Step Up/Pride and Prejudice mash up nobody asked for). Bucky Barnes is forced to take twelve hours of commercial dance classes to pass the year- and that just happens to be your regular weekly dance class.

Introduction

Part 1 (Slow Hands)

Part 2 (Stay)

Part 3 (There Will Come a Time)

Part 4 (Weapon of Choice)

Part 5 (Came Here For Love)

Part 6 (Where the Sky Hangs)

Part 7 (When Can I See You Again?)

Part 8 (Manhattan)

Part 9 (Skip To The Good Bit)

Part 10 (Poison & Wine)

Part 11 (Clean)

Where To Start

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Chapter 13/17: Where To Start

Word count: 3658

Warnings: swearing (a lot of swearing) and ANGST and terrible karaoke

Omg... I can’t adequately express my gratitude to all the people who reached out to me about the last chapter. The general consensus was SO MUCH FEELS aaaand... This one’s probably not going to be much better. Buckle up kids and take a deep breath! (Also did you notice we now have a concrete number of chapters? That’s right, only four more parts to go!)

Two weeks. Two whole weeks slide by, marked by shifts at the library, rehearsals at Scarlet Studios, excursions with a varying combination of friends- and absolutely no contact from Bucky. Nat texts you a couple of times to give you updates on Steve; you reply politely. On the day of their auditions, you wish her luck. It’s as though the ties that had once bound you so closely to the academy are loosening one by one, until all association will eventually, inevitably sever. So you are mildly surprised when Nat messages you to ask if she can pass on your number to Steve- and, two minutes later, your phone rings.

You’re also surprised by how much courage you have to summon in order to reach out and hit answer.

“Hey?”

“Hey, Y/N!” Steve sounds exactly as he always has, and you feel yourself relaxing. “How are you?”

“Ah, fine? How are you? Are you-”

“Coping?” Steve sounds wry. “Well, I haven’t bludgeoned anyone with my crutches yet, which I think is a positive.”

You snort. It’s strangely easy to fall back into the old rhythm of a friendship that you had once found so comforting. “I’m so proud.”

“Thanks. Anyway, I wanted to invite you to our place on Friday night- we’re having a bit of a party to celebrate the audition results.”

“You know their decision?” Despite yourself, your interest is piqued.

“We- they will by Friday.” You don’t miss Steve’s hasty, pained correction and your stomach squeezes. “Anyway,” He hurries on, “It’s just a good excuse to get drunk and sing really bad karaoke.”

You smile a little at the image, but internally you’re already shaking your head. “Sorry, Steve. I can’t.”

“Look, if this is about Bucky-” An angry shudder ripples through you at hearing his name in somebody else’s mouth, “- then I swear he won’t bother you. I’d just like to catch up, you know? Plus, it would be nice to have someone else there who didn’t audition.”

Damn it, Steve. Any other argument would have fallen on deaf ears, but the idea of Steve sat on the sidelines, watching his friends move on, tugs at your heart.

After a moment of silence, Steve sighs. “Please, Y/N? Just come for half an hour.”

And you know, before you even open your mouth, what your answer will be.

~~

“ID?”

You blink in surprise, but automatically reach for your purse. You can hear music coming from beyond the door- but the way is currently barred by a skinny teenager, watching you implacably as you fumble for your driving license. You eventually brandish it and wait as he checks it over.

“OK, you can go in.”

“Thank you.”

You carefully close your purse, ball up the writhing mass of nerves in your abdomen and push forward, through the door that leads to the Academy common room.

The party is in full swing. Coloured lights are swooping around the walls and flickering over groups of people talking, drinking and dancing. The bass thuds through your chest. You crane your neck, feeling a little like throwing up. What if he’s here- what if he comes over-

“Y/N!”

“She came!”

You’re suddenly engulfed in a hug from what feels like about five different people, but when you’re released it’s just Sam, Nat and Steve stood in front of you, all beaming (although Steve’s smile seems a little strained, and he still wears a brace on his knee).

And, to your own astonishment, every layer of resentment, disappointment and anger falls away from your heart at the sight of them. They’re your friends, and you’ve missed them.

“So?!” You demand, your voice rising in excitement, “Tell me!”

Sam’s face goes very sombre- for about two seconds. Then a grin bursts across his face and he lets out a bark of laughter. “We did it!”

“Oh my God!” You clap a hand to your mouth, then tackle him into a hug. You’re surprised by how emotional you feel; you’ve only known them a few weeks, but pride surges through you at their news. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks,” Sam laughs, “Hasn’t really sunk in yet.”

“Here,” Nat pushes a plastic cup at him, “Alcohol will help.” She looks lighter than you’ve ever seen her, those implacable walls let all the way down. You laugh at her assertion, even as Sam accepts her offering and takes a large swallow.

“Speaking of,” Steve cuts in, “Do you want a drink, Y/N?”

“Yes, please,” You say, immediately, understanding that this is Steve’s chance for an exit- and you don’t miss the grateful look he sends your way.

“Come on, just over here-”

You wave goodbye to Nat and Sam and follow Steve down the room, towards a trestle table stocked well enough to rival any operating bar. You’re served by yet another tiny teenager, before making for the chairs stood against the far wall.

“What’s the deal with the kids helping out?” You ask, taking a sip of your drink. The alcohol stings your throat a little, but it’s a good feeling. Steve smiles.

“Yeah, that’s the kids who get put in detention. They have to do a stint on the voluntary rota.”

“Ah.”

Steve carefully levers himself down into a seat, and you don’t hesitate before joining him. For a moment, you both simply sit, watching the party play out in front of you. You can see Sam dancing with Holly out in the middle of the floor, and Nat appears to have persuaded three strangers into doing shots.  There’s a strange kind of peace to being on the fringes of the action.

“So,” You eventually say, “When is this terrible karaoke I was promised going to materialise?”

Steve snorts, straightening up. “Any minute now, probably. We can’t keep Nat away.”

You have to hide your laugh behind your hand. “Oh my God. I’d never have guessed.”

Some of the tension fades from Steve’s frame as you giggle. You see your chance.

“And how have you been? Really?”

Steve raises an eyebrow, but you don’t back down, and he eventually relents. “I’m doing OK. And that’s the honest truth.”

“Are you talking about it to anyone? Are they offering you enough support?” You feel a little like you’re talking to a student having a breakdown in the library, but you suppose that’s given you good training. Steve just folds his hands together around his drink and sighs pensively.

“Yeah, actually. I mean, everyone’s been great, but Peggy- Miss Carter- she’s been- well. Really understanding.”

“Wait- that Miss Carter?” The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Steve’s eyes widen, then he claps a hand over his brow.

“Of course you know,” He mutters to himself, “Of course you do.”

“Sorry!” You exclaim, mortified.

Steve makes a strangled noise, before lifting his head once more. “I suppose it doesn’t really matter.”

You wait for an appropriate amount of respectful seconds before giving an encouraging smile. “So… Does that mean it doesn’t matter because things are going well?”

Steve looks over at you, unimpressed. “Remind me why I invited you again?”

“Ah, my charming company?” You’re still joking, but more tentatively, prepared to take it back and apologise should Steve take umbrage- but he rolls his eyes and smiles out of the corner of his mouth.

“Clearly.”

After a moment, you snort and nudge his elbow. “I’m glad something good is coming out of this shit-show.”

Before Steve can reply, the music abruptly stops and there’s a squeal of feedback from the microphone at the far end of the room.

“Alright, you lot, listen up.” You turn in your seat to see Director Fury, drink in one hand and microphone in the other, staring around at the crowd. “This is your night to enjoy, so I’m not going to stick around too long. You’ve earned the right to relax. But-” He glares around at his charges, “- If anybody throws up, they’re going to wish they hadn’t.” That gets a laugh. “Now, I’m going to go stand in a corner and watch you all murder a series of classic pop songs.” He sets the mike back on the stand and beats a dignified retreat.

Before he’s even made it ten steps there’s a flash of red hair and Nat darts up to the ‘stage’ and seizes her moment: Gimme Gimme Gimme starts blasting from the speakers and a loud cheer goes up around the room.

“Shall we go and cheer her on?” You ask, and Steve laughs.

“Yeah, why not.”

The pair of you get up and wander over to the edge of the impromptu dancefloor, where you have a good view of Nat cradling the microphone and belting out her (surprising, in your opinion) choice of ABBA. You find yourself nodding along, and she’s actually not a bad singer, if rather enthusiastic. When she finishes, she gets a big round of applause- but, apparently, she’s not done.

“Excuse me? Excuse me? Is everyone paying attention?” She clears her throat dramatically. “I just want to make an announcement. Despite having just sang the classic-” There are whoops of agreement from her audience, “- Gimme Gimme Gimme, I must point out that the pronouns are wrong, because I-” She gestures expansively to herself, “- Am gay!”

There isn’t even the briefest hesitation. The room erupts into celebration. You stand there, gaping, as two enormous guys who you’ve never even seen before surge forward and pluck her onto their shoulders for an incredibly cramped lap of honour. By your side, Steve is hollering encouragement.

“Is this a regular thing?” You shout, over the din.

“What? Oh, yeah!” Steve’s face is lit up, and his smile is infectious. “There’s usually at least one coming out at the back end of the year.”

You shake your head in amazement, then put your hands together and applaud as Nat goes galloping past. “Your school is so weird!”

“Ah, Fury doesn’t care,” Sam appears from nowhere, slaps you on the back and grins widely. “He turned up to student Pride last year wearing an asexual pride flag and a slogan on his t-shirt that said ‘Cupid’s Aro Can’t Shoot Me’.”

You’re so close to laughing, but then you look across the room- and it feels like all your joy dies on your lips.

Because there, standing out against the crowd, is Bucky.

You freeze solid. Your heart starts writhing in your chest. The sight of him is just as beautiful and infinitely more sickening than you could possibly have prepared yourself for. You wrench your gaze away as though burned- but not before you see his eyes land on you, his expression tightening up and souring in the space of a heartbeat.

“Steve,” You say, staring fixedly at your drink, whilst your voice is suddenly taut with two weeks’ worth of emotion, “I think I’m just going to head out.”

“What? Oh.” Out of the corner of your eye, you see Steve look up across the room. He wastes no time. “OK, hold on-” He takes your drink in his free hand, then hands them both to Sam, “- I’ll walk you down.”

“You don’t have to do that,” You say (because all you want to do is get out, out, out, away from the crushing disappointment and roiling anger that has suddenly leapt into life in your stomach), but Steve shakes his head vigorously.

“Yeah, I do. Come on.” And, to your relief, Steve moves around to shield you from the rest of the room, and together you walk away towards the door.

You don’t let yourself look back.

“I’ll text Sam and Nat, so they can come and say goodbye,” Steve tells you, as you’re slowly making your way down the stairs, the music fading behind you. You nod, vaguely. Everything seems slightly off-kilter, as though the mere sight of Bucky has knocked you reeling. “In fact, let’s go to my room. Wait for them there.”

You shrug, then listlessly follow Steve onto the second floor and wait whilst he unlocks the door.

Their room is much as you remember it- but a sketchbook is open on the desk, and you idly peer down at the pages. Steve’s drawings are crisply done: pencil constructions of carefully placed lines and elegant shading. They are good. Really good.

“Peggy’s been encouraging me to draw more,” Steve says, from over by the door.

“Good!” You reply, a little of your normal animation returning now that the immediate threat has faded, and you smile as Steve looks bashful. “These are literally amazing.”

“Thank you,” He says, then leans back. “I’ll be back in a minute, OK?”

You nod your understanding, then return to perusing his artworks as the door shuts softly behind you. You barely even notice yourself relaxing, you’re so absorbed: you pull out the desk chair and sit down, the better to take in each and every page. When footsteps sound outside and the hinge creaks again, you don’t even look up.

It’s the silence that alerts you first. Not the sort of silence that unfurls, comfortably, logically, like some great banner across the small space; it’s a ringing, hollow silence- the hole left after an explosion, or the static after a lightning strike. You raise your head. The door slams closed, loudly.

Bucky’s standing there, staring at you like you’re an apparition, every line of his body drawn and guarded.

Your heart drops through the floor. You can feel your mouth falling open. Flat, blank shock ricochets through your mind.

He’s so close, your mind whispers, and you can’t tell if it’s agonised or pleading.

Bucky half-turns away, and something wrenches inside you. Something else yells a victory cry. The door rattles, but doesn’t open.

“Steve,” Bucky says in a very low, very dangerous voice. “Open the goddamned door.”

The only answer he gets is silence.

And, for no discernible reason, anger leaps up your throat and sends you to your feet. “What the fuck is going on?”

It’s Bucky’s turn to freeze, outlined by the door frame.

“You can jam the door,” He eventually says. He’s still not looking at you. “From the outside.”

God, you actually are considering punching him. Or, failing that, Steve.

“So, what you’re telling me is that your best friend has locked us into a fucking trope?” Your voice rises, even as you bite off each word with progressing savagery.

Bucky is still for a moment. Then he nods.

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” You announce, to nobody in particular.

Bucky snorts, like he can’t help himself. “Join the queue.” The sight of his peculiar half-grin is enough to make you want to scream.

You don’t, though. Instead, you clench your hands into fists and take a deep, frustrated breath. “We could just sit in silence until he lets us out. He’s got to fucking sleep here, after all.”

Bucky uncurls a little. The acidic look on his face fades a fraction. His eyes are chips of ice in the dim light. “Is that what you want?”

Oh, God. The sincerity in his voice nearly undoes you.

But not quite.

“You know what I want?” You ask, your voice cracking like a whip, “What I want is to be at home, in my flat, a million miles away from this mess I’ve been dragged back into. What I want is to not be trapped in a room with you, of all people. What I want is for you to have not-”

You can’t continue. Maybe what you want is to simply go back, go back for two measly weeks in time, back before everything broke apart in your hands.

“I don’t think you get it,” You finally manage. You have to swallow to keep talking. “I can’t. I can’t just- forgive you, or whatever.”

Bucky stares at the floor. Slowly, he moves to Steve’s bed, sitting down like a five tonne weight is pressing upon his shoulders. You watch him, even though you wish you could look at anything else. Fury is shredding at your guts, twisting through your veins, burning behind your eyes.

“I really am sorry,” He says, softly, and something snaps inside you.

“Given that Steve had to fucking lock you in here, forgive me if I don’t take that seriously.” Bucky’s gaze jerks up to you, and you shy away from the touch of his wide, sad eyes. You spin sharply away, to stare at the blank white fabric of the closed blinds.

“I…” Behind you, Bucky trails off into silence. You feel like everything is imploding around you, crumbling into nothing. The final collapse, after your helpful application of dynamite. But Bucky isn’t done.

“Can you explain?”

His question is quiet. Undemanding. A plea, rather than an expectation. That’s the only reason you answer it.

“I-” You sigh, then fumble for the words. “Fine. Just- look, you disappeared. For two fucking weeks.” You can’t keep the bitterness from seeping into your voice. “And in that time I’ve had to try to erase- everything- that came before that. I had to try and take all the fucking significance out of everything that I thought meant something, because I was obviously fucking wrong, wasn’t I?” Tears are clogging up your throat, and you angrily press your hands against your eyes. You take a deep breath, wresting back control. “That’s what your actions told me. That everything we’d had meant nothing to you. That’s… That’s why I can’t forgive you. And I’m sorry if that sounds silly and melodramatic, but that’s how I feel.”

You bite back sobs, and stare at the window, wiping your eyes with the heel of your hand. There’s a long moment of silence.

“Christ,” Bucky murmurs, heavily, “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

A breath that might be half a laugh escapes you. “Yeah. You did.”

“Y/N.” You turn to look at him, sat all scrunched up on Steve’s bed, a frown knitting up that beautiful face. His eyes are very serious. “It did mean something. It did.”

Something seems to crack inside you. Maybe it hurts, maybe it doesn’t. You fling out your hand in a meaningless gesture and laugh that same humourless laugh. “So why did you do it?”

“Because…” Bucky trails off and drops his gaze to the floor. “Look, anything I say will just- it will sound pathetic. But I’m being honest.”

“Fine,” You say. Brittle, one blow away from snapping completely. “Go on.”

There’s a moment of silence. Neither of you move.

“You remember I told you Steve dislocated his knee before?” Bucky says, softly. You do. Of course you do. You jerk your head to confirm it. Bucky takes it as his cue to continue. “And that I- well, it was the excuse that fucked everything up that time. So, when I got a second chance, I swore I wasn’t going to ruin it.” He looks at you like he can’t help it, and you’re not fast enough to avoid his gaze. “And then it happened again. Turns out I’m no better at dealing with it this time around.” He gives a flat little laugh. “Steve told me that I wasn’t going to drop out on his account, and it just seemed like… Like tempting fate, to try to have this-” He gestures around at the room, “- And you.”

You don’t even know what to say. Bucky drops his head.

“It is pathetic,” He admits, “But I’ve lost it all before. And I just couldn’t do it again.”

The urge to yell itches at your throat. He decided to pull everything apart. He thought he knew best. He treated you like you were stupid, or needy, or too much effort to maintain, regardless of his intentions.

And yet… His explanation kind of makes sense.

You swallow; force your arms to relax.

“I still- I can’t forgive you. Not- not right now. And your… Noble intentions mean fuck all to me, you know that, right?” You stare hard at the carpet. “Because it hurt me just the same.”

You look back up to see Bucky bowed forward, hands clasped almost as though in prayer. Let lips meet, as hands do…

But that had been a lifetime ago. That hopeful, exploratory, joyful love was gone. Maybe forever.

You still think maybe, a voice whispers in your head, and your heart convulses.

“So,” Bucky’s voice is bleak, “This is it?”

For a long moment, you’re silent. Torn.

“Y/N?”

You sigh. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.” Your eyes are drawn back to him, a question suddenly forcing its way out of your mouth. “If Steve hadn’t locked us in here, would you have ever said anything?”

Or would you have let me accept my new reality? Let me go on, pretending you never existed, gradually washing you out of each and every moment until every trace was erased?

Bucky shifts, his expression pained. “I… I guess all I can say is that I’ve regretted what I’ve done every day. Every single day. But I couldn’t reconcile it, I couldn’t find a way back, I couldn’t- couldn’t find a way to fix it.”

Your smile is brief, weighed down by memories. But you have your answer.

“OK,” You say. “OK. I- we’re not done.”

Bucky’s sudden look of hope sends a stab right through your chest, and you hold up your hand as though to ward it off.

“But.” You take a deep breath. “I want to go back. Right back. I need to know that we can still be friends.”

Bucky nods, slowly. His blue eyes glitter when they meet yours; that familiar wry smile struggles to curve across his face. “And I need to not fuck it up again.”

The huff of breath that escapes your mouth is barely a laugh, but you’ll take it anyway.

“Exactly,” You say, unable to summon more appropriate words. “Exactly.”

AN: Hooooly shit we made it here! I have been writing this scene for weeks you guys, literal weeks. My thanks and love to @systemfailuresunshine for endlessly betaing this chapter despite the emotional pain ;) I LOVE TALKING TO YOU ALL GETTING MESSAGES AND ANONS AND REPLIES IS LIKE GETTING AN ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING EQUALLY WONDERFUL AND EXCITING. YOU ARE ALL AMAZING. SEE YOU IN A FEW DAYS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER <3 <3 <3

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Part 13