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everlastingdreams · 2 years ago

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Weeping Monk x Reader : The Patience Of A Heart Chapter 19

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Story Summary: After fire claimed the lives of your family, the monastery of your Uncle Carden becomes your new home. As the niece of a priest you are expected to behave prim and proper, but not even the watchful eyes of the Weeping Monk can see all. An ancient magic returns to life when love and duty begin to blur.

Chapter Title: Caught In The Hands Of Fate

Notes: I just realized I have to proofread three chapters again soon ;_;

Warnings: There’s a list of warnings for this story: Murder. Violence. Death. Angst. Sexism. Strong Language. Trauma. Childhood trauma. Survivor’s guilt. Mentions of child maltreatment. Threat of Sexual assault. PTSD. Misogyny, Self-flagellation. Gore.

Other warnings: Jealousy. Forbidden Love. Romance. Pining. Smut. Spicy content. Little Slow-burn.

Word count of this fic: +130K

Chapter: 19 / lol Gonna keep the chapter count a secret until the end.

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After going to your room and stuffing the satchel with the socks under your bed and out of sight, you went out to find Lancelot and see how things were going with Neia and Percival.

You weren’t ready to see those socks again, in truth you hoped not to see them again. The one who they were meant for had suffered a horrible faith and they only reminded you of it.

Anne would not have wanted you to think this way, but you couldn’t help it…

You stepped into the stables again and found it void of the Feys you were looking for.

The laughter of children came from nearby and you followed the sound.

There they were, Neia on her horse and Percival was walking beside her and held on to the reins.

Lancelot stood against the wooden fence that surrounded the meadow.

There were goats and cows running through the grass, as well as some other horses.

You stopped next to him on his right and leaned on the fence to watch Neia and Percival in the meadow.

The Ash Man was curious how it had went “Have you spoken to Gawain?”

You gave a nod “Gawain said he’ll talk to the others about it.”

What…

He hummed, took a step backwards and walked slowly to stand on your right instead of your left side.

There was another very quiet hum and then he took you off-guard when he leaned in and blatantly smelled you.

With widened eyes you stared at him utterly confused “Why did you… what was that for?”

A Fey scent he recognized was all over you.

Had Gawain truly found it necessary to do this?

Part of him knew it had been done on purpose to mess with him and his heightened senses, yet part of him severely disliked how another’s scent was over you now.

He held his tongue, knowing how it could come across if he mentioned it.

You saw the slight narrowing of his eyes and the change in them “Alright, spit it out.”

He proceeded with caution, but knew the annoyance was still detectable “You smell different.”

You pushed for an answer “Like what?”

It came out a bit short “Like Gawain.”

The scent was so strong that he had thought it was Gawain approaching him.

And there it was. Did he really think you would not notice the difference in him when he was jealous or insecure?

The truth was nothing to feel guilty or bad about “He told me something personal and I hugged him.”

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the fence “What did he tell you?”

Did he think Gawain had declared his love for you or something of the sorts?

While sighing, you answered “If you want to know, you will have to ask him yourself. I don’t believe it was meant to be told to others. It was personal, Lancelot.”

The Ash Man was quiet for a second, then looked at you.

It was better to warn him of the tragedy in the knight’s past “It was something that happened in his past. He lost someone.”

Realization washed over him, you two had shared your grieve and he had misinterpreted it “He told you this?”

You nodded “Yes. Just… be considerate if you ask about it.”

He fidgeted with his hands “I will not ask. If he wishes to speak of it, he will do so when he feels comfortable.”

It wasn’t forgotten how quick he was to fear the worst “I wish you weren’t so worried that I would prefer another over you.”

Right away his full attention was on your face “I am not.”

It was not meant to be accusing “Don’t lie. I can tell.”

Lancelot sighted quietly, remorse present in his eyes “I am sorry.” there was a short pause “You could have someone who has no trouble being with you the way you would want them to be. Someone who would not have asked you to wait.”

So that was what bothered him…

You took one of his hands and brought it to the mark on your arm “Lancelot, we spoke of this.”

The gesture held more meaning then you could bring into words.

The mark was still there and the love for him was too.

You saw him struggle to meet your eyes “Look at me…” finally he did “The mark is still there, is it not? I do not want someone else, just you. You’re all I want.”

Now those weeping eyes did not leave yours and you were certain that if you had not been out in the open, he wouldn’t have held back the way he was doing now…

The tease fell from you “If you want me to stop smelling like another, maybe replace it with your own scent again.”

His hand curled around your lower arm and you felt the mark tingling in excitement.

The idea was terribly inviting…

You took his hand off of your arm and moved it around your form while you leaned into his side “This is a nice way to start. I can use the comfort.”

He did not need an explanation and brought it to your shoulder to keep you close.

This was nice…

Especially when he proceeded to start and rub along your back a bit.

Only when the children threatened to look your way did he fold his hands together behind his back. Still, you remained close at his side.

Then with a cheeky smile, you leaned even closer and sniffed him yourself.

It was meant to be an inside joke between the both of you. But he genuinely smelled good, your heart took a leap and the mark’s response was just as strong.

Never did you expect the response it send through your body.

Dammit…was this a Fey ability you were not aware off?

Was it just him? Was it the Ash Folk blood that ran through his veins? Or did the mark connect you to him so strongly that even his scent was enough to fuel you with desire?

Your whole body had warmed up and you dropped your eyes to the grass, too flustered to let it show.

He was aware something was happening and looked at you curiously because he had no idea what exactly it was.

Percival had seen you sniff his tall friend and loudly pointed out your odd behavior “What are you doing?”

Of course the twit next to you turned his head to the side to prevent himself from laughing.

You mumbled through your teeth “Of course he never sees you do it…”

He swayed and bumped into you lightly “Years of experience.”

His attention was pulled away when he saw Neia try to dismount, like he had taught her, but the girl was clearly frightened.

He called out for her to wait and went over to them.

Percival was doing his best to explain to her how she should do it.

Lancelot was quick to reach up and pluck her from the horse, then safely set her down on the ground.

Neia however did not let go off his hand and the poor Ash Man did not have it in him to pluck her hand from his own.

If he didn’t learn to do so, he’d be walking around with the girl for the rest of the day, you were sure of it.

Actually, you wouldn’t mind seeing that happen.

Percival was grinning up at him, oh how amusing must it be for him to see the former fearsome ‘Weeping Monk’ with a little Fey girl attached to his hand.

A look for guidance was send your way and you just grinned back.

Even from this distance you could see him roll his eyes a bit.

He bend down, picked Neia up and carried her out the meadow “Percival, will you lead the horse back to the stable?”

The boy was already pulling the horse along “Sure. I’ll take Spot back.”

Neia went ahead and put her small fingers to those ashen markings again, half expecting them to come off his skin like they haven’t been their since he was born.

The second Lancelot was in front of you, he put her down and she gave the biggest pout “Y/n will take you and Percival to your lessons.”

You glared at him and his way of shoving the responsibility onto you.

There was a twitch at the corner of his mouth as he fought the smirk.

It vanished completely when Neia questioned him “Are you angry? I’m sorry…”

The question came out of nowhere and took both of you off-guard.

He was at her eye-level not a second later, uncaring if he had just knelt down into a bit of mud.

Neia rubbed along her right arm to sooth herself again.

Rarely he heard the whispers of the Hidden, yet now he heard their faint voices.

The way the girl kept rubbing at her arm each time she was nervous or upset…

It just seemed…off…

He was distracted by it “I am not…” instinct led him to reach for her right arm “May I?…”

The girl let him hold her arm and got very quiet when he began to roll up her sleeve.

The sleeve was not even at her elbow and you covered your mouth from sheer shock.

His heart sank at the sight of the old scars.

Her arm was littered with them, the result of leather that had struck her skin countless times.

There were so many… too many.

He needed a moment to collect himself before looking at her face again “Who did this?”

It surprised even himself how calm and quiet he managed his voice to be.

At first she shook her head and fell silent.

You knelt beside her and put an arm around her for comfort “It’s alright. You don’t have to be afraid, they’ll never hurt you again.”

Lancelot gently moved his fingers over the scars “Neia…”

She answered his question “Papa did.”

It dawned on you that you had only ever seen her mother and she had never said a word of her father.

To hear how a father was able to hurt a child like this set his blood to boil “Is your father alive?”

If he was, he would rectify that.

Little Neia shook her head.

It was a relief that the bastard was gone.

If the man had not been gone yet, he would have been soon enough.

You saw Percival walk over and Lancelot rolled down her sleeve again.

The boy had seen it anyway and stopped next to Lancelot “What’s on her arm?”

He did not want the girl to think she had to hide them “Those are scars.”

Percival was clever and stopped himself from asking further.

The boy was often bold and brash, but never when it came to things like this.

The young knight took Neia’s hand and therefore relieved Lancelot of his duty “Come. Let’s go to the lesson.”

The girl looked rather giddy all of a sudden when the boy held her hand.

It did not go unnoticed by you or Lancelot and you shared a look.

Still, rattled by the revaluation, your voice wavered “Good plan, Percival. Come, sweetling.”

Neia was quick to lock her hand with yours and let you walk both her and her young knight to their lessons.

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In the dinning hall, you stood and watched a Tusk Folk Man and Faun Folk woman entertain the children in their lessons with an animate story.

Seeing Percival and Neia laugh at the story warmed your heart.

How could you not have seen the silent suffering Neia had gone through?

Even now, as she mourned her mother, the girl hid those feelings.

But Lancelot had seen through the facade, perhaps it was because he knew what it was like to mask true emotions so those around him would never know.

A light tap on your shoulder broke your attention away.

Arthur stood beside you now “Keeping an eye on Percival, eh?”

It wasn’t a real question, mostly a jest “Why should I?”

He kept his voice low “Anything that shines like steel isn’t safe around him. I have to say, the boy has an eye for treasure and weapons.”

“Are you accusing him of something?” You arched a brow.

Arthur squinted his eyes, smile breaking out “Not at all.” then nodded at the group of children “That girl, Neia?”

You gave a nod.

He crossed his arms in front of him “Do you know that she doesn’t talk to anyone? Just Percival, Lancelot and you. But no one else.”

What?

At that, you paid some attention to the group and saw that she indeed did not interact with anyone else but Percival. Neia even looked down when another child tried to speak to her. And when the Faun Woman tried to get her to interact, the girl scurried back.

“Did you see that?” Arthur blurted out at the sight of it.

“Maybe she is just shy.” You found yourself not truly believing the words yourself.

The violence she had suffered made her wary and you held yourself back from going over there and taking a seat next to her.

Arthur’s smile had faded and you didn’t have to say a word, he knew something was wrong.

You did not make him ask “She has scars on her arm. When her father was alive, he hurt her.”

He discreetly pointed at her “He hurt her?!? But she’s… she’s so small. What sort of bastard would do that?”

It wasn’t a real question, it just sounded so surreal that a person could hurt a child “Like you said, a bastard. Did Gawain ever tell you about her mother?”

Arthur gave a nod, recalling the tragic information “I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her to live with her mother, while her mother was…”

Dead… the woman had passed on and Neia had been looking after her mother who would never wake again.

You blinked faster, struggling with the memory of the day you had stepped foot in Neia’s home “I can’t begin to imagine how many children are out there who are living through such horrific things. And it must be worse with this war going on.”

He sighed, agreeing with that “Speaking of war. Gawain told me that you want the Abbot to be dealt with.”

You guessed he would share his dismay regarding it “I know you are against it.”

Arthur debunked that idea “I was against Lancelot acting reckless. But he went off and tried it anyway. He and Red are lucky to be alive.”

“So, you’re not against it?” You asked.

He shook his head “Not if it’s safe. We have lost enough people, but I agree that the Abbot needs to be dealt with.”

You told Arthur what you did not dare tell Lancelot “There is a way that does not involve other people. I could do it alone.”

As a result, his voice went a little louder “Absolutely not!”

Reasoning with him would be easier than with the stubborn Ash Man “When the Trinity Guards found us in the forest last night, they said that the Abbot wanted me alive. I could use that to our advantage.”

He took hold of your elbow and led you out of the room “I wasn’t aware you had run into them. Neither of you looked wounded, so I guess they have been dealt with?”

You nodded “Yes. It’s where we got the new horses from.”

“Of course Lancelot would fail to mention it to Gawain and I.” Arthur rolled his eyes a bit in frustration “But why would Wicklow want you alive?”

“I’ve been told I can be quite charming.” You deadpanned and saw him slide his eyes to you “Alright, it’s because Wicklow wants Lancelot. Either to kill him for betraying the Church or because he wants to force him to hunt the Fey again.”

Arthur was pensive “Handing yourself over to the Abbot isn’t safe, y/n.”

You walked beside him “I think Gawain wants me to infiltrate the church in Helgenstone dressed in my tunic I still have from the abbey.”

He readjusted his jerkin “How would you even manage to get Wicklow away from his guards? They follow him around all the time.”

It was a valid concern “Perhaps Gawain will have an idea.”

He turned to face you again “Well, whatever Gawain decides, you can count on my help.”

It was a relief to hear it “Thank you, Arthur.”

Lancelot entered the hallway and approached you and Arthur on sight.

“Did you speak to Gawain?” Arthur questioned him immediately.

The Ash Man nodded “I did. He is still deciding over it. Red caught wind of the idea and is hounding him over it now.”

Arthur sighed and walked past him “I’ll go and see if I can help.”

While passing him by, Arthur amicably patted Lancelot on the arm. The look of sheer surprise by the Ash Man was missed by Arthur.

You looked down the hallway, at the door of the dining hall where the children were still laughing at the story told. An idea had popped in your head, but you would need some items for it.

Lancelot touched your arm to draw your attention “What has you distracted?”

You made a request “I would like to go into the forest and I was wondering if you wanted to come along. It won’t take long, I just want to pick some flowers.”

It had piqued his curiosity, he had never seen you walking around looking for flowers before “Flowers?”

You hummed “To braid in Neia’s hair. It’s fine if you don’t want to come along.”

It was almost amusing to him “The last time you touched a flower in the forest, it nearly burned your skin.”

Well, it was no lie… “So, you’ll come?”

He tilted his head a bit “Of course. Shall we walk?”

After agreeing to walk, together you walked towards the forest.

No horse was needed because you didn’t have to go deep into the forest to find pretty flowers.

And he even helped, that heightened sense of smell of his was coming into handy to find flowers that were safe.

Most of the foraging was you pointing at a flower and him giving a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

“How did you know about Neia?” You asked while plucking a flower from a fallen branch it was growing on.

The explanation was simple for him, having had the same experience “I also feel my scars when I think back of my upbringing. That is what happens with her. If she is reminded of her father’s anger, she can’t help but sooth the scars.”

It was heartbreaking to hear it “I really didn’t know she had them…or that she was treated that way.”

He did not put any sort of blame on you for that “Neither did I. What baffled me most was that she was not afraid of me anymore so quickly.”

You frowned “Because you are being kind to her.”

It was the example he hoped to use “Exactly. We reached out to her and she has not strayed away from us nor Percival.”

The girl had sprung to form an attachment to the first who had been kind to her, but she remained withdrawn to others…

You began to understand what he tried to explain “I never see her talk to others beside us, not even with those she has lessons with.”

He gave a nod “It will get better for her in time. She will not grow up at the mercy of a whip. Not anymore.”

Not like him he meant…

The words were dipped in admiration “You’ve always been protective of the little ones.”

There was only determination in his tone “I could not save my younger brother and I will be dead long before I do not try what I can to save other children from the same fate.”

A silence fell and when he did look at your face, he must have seen the affection in your eyes.

It made you drop your gaze to the ground.

Upon seeing it, he did the same.

After collecting enough flowers, you stored them in the small basket you had brought along.

The walk back was pleasant and you often walked against his side “Have you ever considered becoming a father?”

He kept the close distance, the sword at his side bumped into you “I do not know if it is even possible, if there has ever been a child from Ash Folk and Manblood…”

It was information he would never come to know as long as no other Ash Folk were there to speak of it.

Unless…

You pulled him out off his wandering thoughts “And between different Fey species?”

He considered it possible “That is more likely.” then muttered more to himself “But you are not Fey.”

It had been said so quiet that you had not heard it well “What?”

He said it a little louder “You are not Fey.”

You couldn’t resist to act a little cheeky now “Oh, so you would pick me to be mother of your children? Interesting.”

His throat bopped at what it also meant.

Children were the result of physical intimacy.

The Ash Man shut down, like he had crossed a line and been too forward.

So brave, but when it came to the topic he shied away.

By suppressing your own shyness, you hoped to ease his a little “Let me know if you ever wish to begin with finding out if Ash Folk can reproduce with Manbloods.”

You bit your tongue and directed your eyes at the sky after that bold statement.

His momentarily blank expression changed into a smirk, then he took hold of the hilt of your sword and pulled you closer by it.

It had you giggling softly before a laugh slipped out.

By doing so, he also left himself vulnerable to your shenanigans.

You’d stolen his sword quick as a whip and placed the basket down.

Taking a few paces backwards, you saw the blue of his eyes darken.

Slightly his head tilted and you knew he was willing to indulge you in this foolery.

It was a dare leaving his lips “Go on then, see if you can handle such a sword.”

Your brow arched high “I can.”

In truth you struggled to keep the sword still instead of swaying it round and about.

He drew his short sword, the look of a wolf on it’s hunt was present in his eyes.

To your own amazement, you blocked his first strike.

Well… that was what you though at least.

Somehow he had managed to grab hold of the crossguard on the longsword where your grip on the hilt was far less firm.

The sword was out of your hands with a single tug at the crossguard, he sank both swords into the soil, freeing his hands.

He would collect them later.

Lancelot stalked closer, sly smirk only getting stronger “At least your confidence is not lacking. Your swordsmanship on the other hand…”

You took a step back for every step he took to close the distance and you drew the sword that rested at your side.

It went so fast…

Almost like he knew you would be drawing your own sword as well.

He took one large step closer, sank down and grabbed the sword by the flat of the blade, his hands slid across the steel while he moved forward.

The sword was stolen from your grasp before you even knew what was happening.

The last thing you felt before losing your balance was him grabbing the back of your knee.

You sank to the ground.

It had been his intention.

He had discarded your sword right away “Careful.”

By holding on to his shoulders, you avoided a fall.

Now you sat on your knees in the grass and he was sitting the same way in front of you.

“Are you bloody mad?!?” You squeaked out.

He brought his hands to your waist and held on “You started this. Did you consider it wise to challenge me with the sword?”

The kneading on your waist chased the wit right out of you.

He hummed knowingly at the lack of an answer, seeing the effect he had on you now.

Was he able to sense the way the mark was tingling all over your arm?

You tapped on his shoulders playfully, then sneaked your hands beneath the hood to lace your fingers in his locks “You didn’t have to bring me to my knees-” and fired another tease at him “If you wanted that to happen, you only had to ask.”

The momentarily confusion as to why he would want you to kneel lasted only three seconds, then he leaned a little back.

You felt a little guilty for teasing him with it, but it was also meant to show him that he did not have to be uncomfortable about the topic with you.

He had heard of these… things happening.

But to hear you speak so boldly of it was unexpected.

A hand left your waist and went to hold the back of your neck.

He studied your expression, letting his gaze roll down from your eyes to your mouth a few times “You have been acting quite promiscuous to me.”

Your eyes dropped down from his gaze, shy smile growing “I can’t help it. Sorry.”

His thumb traced below your bottom lip “Do not be sorry.”

When he leaned in, you leaned back “People could see us.”

It halted him “Still worried what others might think if they knew?”

You feared they would become far more vigilante towards him “I see how difficult it is for you to be accepted among your people. I don’t want to make it even harder. They know Father Carden was my uncle, they don’t think much of me either because of that.”

Lancelot lowered his hands to your waist again and did not bother to pretend it was not with lecherous intend “I would not be here now if it were not for you. I would have bled out in the forest. I will not let the opinions of others keep me from you.”

You heard the way his voice had lowered and felt the greedy hold he had on you.

He wasn’t just holding on… he was feeling.

There was a moment where you could sense something was about to happen, it occurred only seconds before he moved and had you with your back on the grass beneath him.

Still kneeling beside you, it was clear that he felt quite comfortable in this mystical forest.

You were looking around to see if anyone else was near, half scolding him for his impulsiveness “Goodness! Lancelot!”

He was leaning over you, gaze roaming over your form, hand brushing your stomach “Fear not, there is no one.”

Your eyes squinted up at him “What do you think you are you doing?”

His gaze caressed your features and body like a gentle wave, while he rubbed along your stomach “I am…curious…I think.”

The way he could not stop staring was enough to make one nervous.

“Curious about what?” You asked, genuinely curious what he was curious about.

Those weeping eyes searched yours while he traced a finger over the lacing of your dress, they stayed on yours when he undid the knot that tied the laces together.

Your chest heaved for air and you fidgeted with some strands of grass beside you.

The lacing was undone for a little more than an inch.

It was enough to offer him a view, the same one he had caught a glimpse of in the inn.

This was not the time or place, but he was slowly losing the fight against the desire that continued to fuel.

As if he meant to thank you for allowing it, he tenderly pressed his lips your temple.

He touched nothing more, the titillating view was already more than he’d dare to ask of you “If I wanted you to stop having another’s scent, I would have to replace it with mine.”

You gawked at him “So you just decided to handle that here in the forest?”

Wickedly he grinned “Yes.”

He brought his nose down to the crook of your neck to inhale your scent.

Breathing normally became a challenge “And opening my dress helps this how?”

His hand slid under your back, warm breath ghosted over your neck “Forgive me for not having a proper excuse.”

You wouldn’t let him off the hook just yet “I’ll forgive it if you tell me what the improper excuse is.”

Instead of answering, the stubble of his beard moved along your skin and passed your collarbone.

With his bottom lip he felt the warmth of your bosom and the quick rise and fall of your chest.

This was not the time or place…

He pressed his aching lips to what was uncovered.

That warm alluring scent, which covered your skin, awoke a hunger in him.

In return you curled your fingers in his hair and kept him close.

He saw at as encouragement to keep going.

It were his thoughts that he let out while coming up to touch his lips to the shell of your ear “If I die in Helgenstone, I will have this to keep in my thoughts in my last moments on this world.”

Did he truly consider it a possibility??

It had sounded so normal for him… as if he did not fear the prospect of death anymore.

But it wasn’t normal to you, you were not raised in battle and the possibility to die in one.

You found yourself holding on to his shoulder, petrified at the thought that it might cost him his life “If I do it alone, no one else will have to sacrifice themselves.”

He stopped and locked eyes with you “What?”

He had heard it and was giving you the chance to reconsider.

But you didn’t “Gawain was right. Enough have suffered, especially the Fey. I could do it, I can deal with the Abbot alone.”

Lancelot was out of your hold and on his feet right away, not believing his ears, he faced away from you.

You inelegantly got up from the grass as well, your clothes a mess “Lance-”

“I do not want to hear it!” His voice was sharp and he turned to look at you “Do you believe I would stand aside and let you risk your life? Never.”

There was a long pause and he drew a couple of breaths to calm himself.

The question came out much softer “Where is this coming from, y/n?”

“My kin did this to the Fey, I-…” You fell quiet.

Lancelot was able to guess what was causing this “The faults of your uncle are not yours to bear.”

The words were forced out of you “And yet I bear them.”

Who was he to makes these claims while he himself had caused so much suffering?

Perhaps… it had made him the person who was able to see the difference.

The difference between kindness and hate.

He sought your presence once more and took your hands in his “You’re nothing like he was. He felt no guilt over what he did. And here you are, among my kind, helping.”

Your shoulders shrugged, throat closing up from emotion “Helping with what? I haven’t done a thing to earn my place here-”

He cradled your head and silenced you “Tell that to Neia, the child who lives because you saw her in a crowd of people and choose to help while others ignored her existence.” his face was close to yours “Tell it to Percival who would have watched me die if you had not found us.”

His forehead rested against yours, noses touching and the intimacy of it had the love for him flourish further inside of you.

Others could see…

Heaven you wanted him…

He showed more restraint than you, well… maybe his eyes did not.

They dropped from yours down to your chest and it reminded you that he had unlaced some of your dress.

You brought a finger under his chin and tilted it up a little until he met your eyes again “Rude.”

His face flushed a bit and for a second he had the look of a guilty young boy “I-”

You didn’t let him apologize for it “You were the one to open it, be a dear and close it for me again.”

He matched your playful politeness “Can it wait?”

The smack against his arm made a laugh fly out of him

Out of actual politeness, he did do as ask asked and closed the laces “You are not the only one with a personal vendetta against the Abbot. The man tried to have me killed the night I left with Percival. I have not forgotten his arrogance and the desire I had to erase it from his face.”

Preferably by bloodying it up.

The knot in the laces was tied again “You are not alone in this, y/n.”

You did not want to argue over this, not when this had been such a lovely walk mere moments ago.

So you nodded and tried to draw him closer just when he took a step back.

He tsked you right away “We are not alone anymore.”

With a discreet head tilt, he pointed out the other Feys foraging the woods too.

Fine then.

You picked up the basket again that you had filled with flowers and grabbed the sword from where it had fallen while he collected his own from where he had planted them.

While doing so, you noticed the way the group of Feys where looking at you.

Not a friendly look, no, it was one of disgust.

It came as another reminder that even you could not erase your connection to Father Carden, to them you were an invader, a trespasser…

Lancelot was Fey, in time he would find his place. He was Ash Folk, a kind born to protect the Fey with their magic.

But you… you would always be Manblood. No mark would ever change that.

He was more distant now that others were there to see it, but not distant enough to not walk closely beside you when returning to the city.

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Upon the sun’s departure and the moon’s slow arrival there had been no news from Gawain. The Green Knight must have decided not to act on the opportunity in Helgenstone, or perhaps one of the others had talked him out of the idea.

Now you sat in Neia’s room, braiding the flowers you had picked into her hair as best as you could. Percival was even helping by sorting out the, according to him, disgusting flowers from the pretty ones.

Yes, the boy was strong of opinion and you tried not to take it personal.

“This one stinks.” He held one up.

Lancelot would have disagreed…

“That one then?” You pointed at another flower.

Percival handed you the other one, approving of the idea.

Neia couldn’t stop touching her hair in excitement and multiple times she ‘commanded’ Percival to hand her the small hand mirror.

Of course the boy sighed and rolled his eyes, still he indulged her wish every time.

At some point her eyes had caught sight of the bangle on your arm and you handed it to her for a bit so you could work on her hair without her constantly fidgeting with it.

To your silently amazement, the flowers you had picked kept their beauty, as if their health remained the same when in connection with Fey kind.

You’d never seen her so happy and all it took were some flowers in her hair. All the flowers where white, like she had in her hair the day you met her.

She held up the bangle and asked “Where did you find it?”

Percival answered it “Lancelot gave it to her.”

You confirmed it was true “Percival is right. Lancelot gave me that bangle.”

Neia was pensive “Like you gave me your necklace?”

You hummed agreeing and added the last flower to her hair, you almost asked her if she had indeed sold the necklace, but her situation had been so dire that it was a given.

After fidgeting with the bangle a little more, she handed it back to you.

Well, actually she took it upon herself to put it over your hand and around your wrist again.

Then she noticed the mark on your arm “Fey marks?”

It had her so very confused to see those marks on a Manblood.

Percival, the cheeky rascal, chimed in “Lancelot gave her those too.”

This time you squinted your eyes at him but his grin did not falter “I wonder, does the Ash Man tell you secrets, Percival?”

The shit-eating grin on his face should have been a warning.

Percival thought he would surprise you with the news “He fancies you.”

Neia’s mouth dropped open at the claim and then she looked at you for your reaction as well.

You saw a chance and feigned to be surprised by the admission “Really? What makes you think that?”

The boy believed he had a chest filled with knowledge no one else knew off.

But nothing could have prepared you for the secret he so bluntly decided to share.

Percival casually answered “He stares at you a lot. And at your bottom.”

Right away you covered Neia’s ears “Percival…”

A big grin was plastered on his face “What? It’s true. And he gave you a mark and jewelry.”

Your face was burning from his bluntness “Just…I…”

Without knocking, the door creaked open and Pym tripled into the room.

“Oh, here you are.” Her attention fell from you to the flowers in Neia’s hair “Ooh, that looks nice.”

Neia beamed with pride over her freshly styled hair.

Pym struggled a little to walk into the room with the food she had wrapped up in linen.

Of course Percival was quick to help her.

“One for each of you.” She quickly told the boy.

He handed Neia one and Pym handed you the other.

She plopped down on Neia’s bed “I thought you might be hungry and brought you some bread and fruit.”

It had been a good guess, you were indeed quite hungry “Thank you, Pym. I haven’t really eaten anything today.”

Neia took a bite from her pear and pleaded “Can you read us a story before we have to sleep?”

You were about to agree to it, but Pym made the sacrifice instead.

“I’ll ready you a story.” She told Neia, then said to you “You can go and rest if you want to. I know you weren’t able to sleep last night.”

You asked “Are you sure?”

Pym had no problem entertaining the children “I’m sure. Go on, off you pop.”

Before doing so, you gave Neia a hug. Doing the same with Percival was a bit of a challenge and the boy rolled his eyes, as if it was just to indulge you that he’d allowed it.

Heaven forbid one might know that he loved it…

“Goodnight.” You told them, telling Pym “And thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiled, then pointed at the food in your hands “Eat your food.”

Your smile matched hers “I will.”

By the time you reached the door, Neia had already pulled a book from under her pillow and put it in Pym’s hand.

You went over to your room and snatched the satchel from under your bed to get the socks out of them. Anne would not have wanted them to go to waste…

Then you returned to Neia’s room, finding Pym busy reading the story Neia had requested and clearly adding some commentary to it when she disagreed with the actions of the characters in said book.

You went over to Pym and placed the sock next to her on the bed “Maybe you can use these?”

She glanced down for a moment and back up at you “Oh, wow. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.” You were glad to hear that she seemed happy to have them “I’ll leave you to it now. If you need me, I will be in my room.”

Neia waved at you as you left. Percival laid draped over the foot of the bed, eyes up at the ceiling while listening to the story.

The moment you were back in your room, you put the food Pym had given you into the now empty satchel along with a flask of water.

There wouldn’t be much you would need, the most important thing was the sword and knife at your side.

You did change into something more suitable for what you were about to do. Trousers and a shirt would be more comfortable than a dress for this. Luckily you found those in the old closet as well, the trousers had a stain or two at the legs. The shirt had a tear at the elbow.

Under the clothes, you discovered a long sleeveless leather vest, it fitted well over the shirt you had on now. And it would keep you warm along with the cloak.

Lastly, you pulled the tunic you had worn at the abbey from the closet.

It was strange to see it now, strange to know that the place and people you had called ‘home’ for a while was now gone.

The veil and coif were neatly folded between it, a sign of the respect you had for the women you had met there.

You would wear it one last time, one last service for the ones who had lost their lives.

After packing up the satchel, you put on your cloak and sat on your bed until all sounds in the hallway and outside dimmed down.

The dark of night cloaked the halls of the fortress in it’s shadows, while passing Lancelot’s room you removed your bangle and hanged it on the brass doorknob. If you were not to return, he would know that you had understood and accepted the risk of your actions.

As discreetly as one could, you made your way through the castle.

Once at the stables, you attached your satchel to Llamrai’s saddle and mounted the horse.

You hoped to reach Helgenstone in time, Wicklow would be there at noon.

Tomorrow the lands would be rid of a monster, or the kin of one.

Taglist:

@ourlazydetectivekitten @the-great-adventures-of-me @linkpk88 @fxrchxldws @elenaoftheturks @slytherlight @beananacake @crystallizedtime @moonlightaura03 @angrygardendeer @have-aheart @5am-cigarette @arcanenature @thewinterskywalker @notyourwildestdream @coloursforyourportrait @koressecretidentity @nike90 @n1ghtlux @rachlovesactors @luckyzipperscissorsbat @morena-doing-stuff @the-fangirl-diaries @gipsydanger17 @heavenly1927 @phantasmalbeiing @labyrinthonmymind @asarcastic-thiamstan @rainyv-skies

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist of this story.

#weeping monk #theweepingmonk #weeping monk x you #the weeping monk x reader #weepingmonk #lancelot #lancelot x reader #reader x lancelot #lancelot fic #you/weepingmonk #reader/weepingmonk #weepingmonk/you #weepingmonk/reader #Daniel Sharman #daniel sharman character

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ash-and-books · 4 months ago

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Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb:

Two broken hearts decide that the best way to get over their first loves is with a no-strings-attached relationship in this spicy and charming debut romance.

Librarian Marcela Ortiz has been secretly in love with her best friend for years—and when he gets engaged, she knows it’s long past time to move on. But before she gets the chance, she has a bigger problem to contend with in the form of Theo Young, ex-NFL player and older brother of the man she’s in love with. When she discovers Theo's plans to confess his feelings for his brother’s fiancée at their engagement party, Marcela is quick to stop him—despite how tempting it is to let him run away with the bride-to-be. She manages to convince Theo to sleep off his drunken almost-mistake at her place and when they arrive at a family brunch the next day together, everyone wrongly assumes they hooked up.

Since Theo needs a cover for his feelings for the bride and Marcela needs a distraction from her unrequited feelings for the groom, they decide to roll with the lie. Until one late night at a bar, they take it a step further and discover a layer of attraction neither realized existed. Soon, they find themselves exploring the simmering chemistry between them, whether in library aisles or Marcela's bed. There are no boundaries for the rebound relationship they form—just a host of complicated feelings, messy familial dynamics, and uncovered secrets that threaten to tear them apart before they can even admit to themselves that their rebound is working. Maybe a little too well.

Review:

Marcela has been in love with her best friend Ben for as long as she can remember and Ben is now newly engaged to Alice.... and when Marcela meets Ben's brother Theo and finds out that he's been in love with Alice all along, we've got a love square on our hands as both Marcela and Theo decide to rebound with each other. Marcela is a librarian and has been in love with her best friend Ben for years, they once dated in college, but after an incident where he couldn't lift her because she is "heavier" he told her they were better off friends. Marcela has been secretly harboring a crush and desperately hoping that Ben will return her feelings, yet when he tells her he is proposing to his long time girlfriend Alice, Marcela can only wish and hope that the engagement is called off. When they ask her to pick up Ben's estranged NFL Player older brother, Marcela can't help but say yes. Yet to her great surprise on the night of the engagement party she overhears a drunkTheo getting ready to ask Alice to call off the wedding and to leave Ben... and to tell her he's been in love iwth her ever since they were young. Marcela stops Theo and he opens to her... yet she doesn't tell him that she's also been obsessed and secretly in love with Ben... that they are both going through the same pain and twisted love. Instead Theo and Marcela begin to feel a spark between each other and decide to rebound with one another and to try out a non serious relationship to just see if they can help each other move on. Yet Ben is determined to keep Marcela away from Ben, and as Theo's feelings become more real Marcela's guilt at keeping her secret love for his brother gnaws at her.... and when it all comes out i the open can she finally admit that she might actually be in love with Theo and that he is the one for her or will her insecurities make her lose her chance at the one guy who's willing to see her for her and love her. Messy relationships, complicated feelings, and secrets all come to a head in this complex romance. It's such a fun and messy read and would absolutely make a fantastic rom com movie. I had fun reading it and I adored Theo so much, he really adored Marcela and wore his heart on his sleeve.

Release Date: July 9,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Forever (Grand Central Publishing) | Forever for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #book #the next best thing

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moohnshinescorner · 1 year ago

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PUCK YES BY LAUREN BLAKELY IS NOW LIVE!

Get Ready to Say Puck Yes to a Hockey Romance Like No Other!

From #1 NYT bestselling author @LaurenBlakelyBooks comes a sizzling-hot romance about a woman falling for both her hockey-playing fake husband and her hockey-playing secret boyfriend as they share her!

MFM Romance ✅ Fake Marriage ✅ Hockey Romance ✅ Why Choose Style ✅ Rom Com Vibes ✅

This book checks all the boxes for a steamy, hilarious, and utterly addictive read!

“My ex didn’t want to ‘settle’ with me…so I got a glow-up and married the hot new hockey player. But I’m not settling for just one—his team captain wants me too.”

Now available in Kindle Unlimited!

The audiobook is performed in duet by Samantha Brentmoor, Jacob Morgan, and Teddy Hamilton

Add to your TBR:

Blurb

The hotshot new hockey player, the veteran team captain, and the woman they fall for when she becomes the new team mascot in a fake marriage hockey rom com!

When my ex trades me out for a better model—my boss—I don’t take getting screwed over lying down.

Instead, I get a glow up, not only landing a new job with the hockey team but also scoring the city’s hot new hockey player as my plus one to my ex’s wedding. Then, the sexy team captain starts flirting with me, too.

But one night after a win, I accidentally marry that intense new guy after the captain dares us to say I do. One dare leads to another, and I’m experiencing double the pleasure as I say puck yes to both players sharing me on my wedding night.

In the morning, when hubby and I are on our way to get an annulment, the team owner spots our rings and invites the new it couple to attend her upcoming charity golf tournament.

Looks like I have to fake it as Mrs. Hockey for the hockey season and the wedding season. There’s only one problem.

We’re not just a couple. Both guys want more of me.

And pretty soon I’ve got a bigger problem – I’m falling for my fake husband and my secret boyfriend at the same time.

Puck Yes is a standalone hockey, fake marriage, spicy workplace MFM romance with a guaranteed why-choose style HEA! No swords cross. The two guys are all about HER all throughout! This story is perfect for fans of spicy hockey romance!

MY REVIEW ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Another great MFM read. Lauren Blakely sure knows how to write a dirty romance and this one is a banger.

Ivy has the worst luck lately. She has quit her job because her boss is marrying her ex. The same ex that was cheating on her with said boss and told her he wanted an upgrade. How crappy is that? And to make things worse....her old boss wants her to cover the wedding. UGH!!

Hayes is the "New Guy" on the San Fran hockey team. Traded every year he is struggling to fit in. He wants to settle down and quit moving from team to team. He has no time for relationships. His focus solely on working on his career. That is until a frazzled girl bumps into him in the lobby of his building.

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cocktailsfairytales · 1 year ago

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ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN TO THIS HOT AUDIOBOOK?

Puck Yes, the next spicy standalone in the bestselling hockey rom com series from #1 NYT bestselling author @LaurenBlakelyBooks, is also coming in audiobook performed in duet by Samantha Brentmoor, Jacob Morgan and Teddy Hamilton

You won't want to miss this fake marriage MFM romance with a fantastic “my wife” twist!

“My ex didn’t want to “settle” with me…so I got a glow-up and married the hot new hockey player. But I’m not settling for just one—his team captain wants me too.”

Things to know about Puck Yes!

✔️Hockey Rom-Com

✔️MFM (#WhyChoose Style)

✔️One Feisty Heroine

✔️One New Star Player

✔️One Veteran Team Captain

✔️Fake Marriage

✔️Workplace Romance

(She's the Team Mascot!)

✔️Neighbors

✔️One Double Dog Dare

✔️And A Very Cute Dog!

Mark your calendars for October 9th and be the first to experience this hilarious and spicy romance with no third act break up when it releases for FREE in KU.

Pre-order your copy now and get ready for a puck-tastic adventure!

http://blkly.pub/PuckYes

Add to your TBR:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/175366269-puck-yes

Blurb

The hotshot new hockey player, the veteran team captain, and the woman they fall for when she becomes the new team mascot in a fake marriage hockey rom com!

When my ex trades me out for a better model—my boss—I don’t take getting screwed over lying down.

In the morning, when hubby and I are on our way to get an annulment, the team owner spots our rings and invites the new it couple to attend her upcoming charity golf tournament.

Looks like I have to fake it as Mrs. Hockey for the hockey season and the wedding season. There’s only one problem.

We’re not just a couple. Both guys want more of me.

And pretty soon I’ve got a bigger problem – I’m falling for my fake husband and my secret boyfriend at the same time.

0 notes

joyffree · 1 year ago

Text

ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN TO THIS HOT AUDIOBOOK?

You won't want to miss this fake marriage MFM romance with a fantastic “my wife” twist!

“My ex didn’t want to “settle” with me…so I got a glow-up and married the hot new hockey player. But I’m not settling for just one—his team captain wants me too.”

Things to know about Puck Yes!

✔️Hockey Rom-Com

✔️MFM (#WhyChoose Style)

✔️One Feisty Heroine

✔️One New Star Player

✔️One Veteran Team Captain

✔️Fake Marriage

✔️Workplace Romance

(She's the Team Mascot!)

✔️Neighbors

✔️One Double Dog Dare

✔️And A Very Cute Dog!

Mark your calendars for October 9th and be the first to experience this hilarious and spicy romance with no third act break up when it releases for FREE in KU.

Pre-order your copy now and get ready for a puck-tastic adventure!

Add to your TBR:

Blurb

The hotshot new hockey player, the veteran team captain, and the woman they fall for when she becomes the new team mascot in a fake marriage hockey rom com!

When my ex trades me out for a better model—my boss—I don’t take getting screwed over lying down.

In the morning, when hubby and I are on our way to get an annulment, the team owner spots our rings and invites the new it couple to attend her upcoming charity golf tournament.

Looks like I have to fake it as Mrs. Hockey for the hockey season and the wedding season. There’s only one problem.

We’re not just a couple. Both guys want more of me.

And pretty soon I’ve got a bigger problem – I’m falling for my fake husband and my secret boyfriend at the same time.

@candikanep

#PuckYes #LaurenBlakely #NarratorsReveal #RomCom #HockeyRomance #MFMRomance #FakeMarriage #WorkplaceRomance #MustRead #BookLoversUnite #GetReadyToLaugh #SizzlingRomance #HockeyFansUnite #PreOrderNow

0 notes

urfavstargirl1 · 3 years ago

Text

The Empress, Part VIII

A/n: To everyone reading, thanks for being patient with me for writing this chapter. Life's been busy and this came out much later than I planned, but I wanted to continue this story and write it to the best of my ability. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and as a reward there is a spicy (albeit very subtle) ending ;)

AO3 Link

Kylo Ren x Female Reader

Words: 6400

Chapters: 8/10

Chapter Summary: After a bad dream reveals Y/n's anxieties about her job and relationship with Kylo Ren moving to fast for her to keep up with, she takes the difficult but necessary steps to confront her feelings

Story Summary: As Kylo Ren steps into power as Supreme Leader, he struggles to use his power to effectively lead the Empire. Y/N is a renowned Commander eagerly working her way up the ranks. Her loyalty to the Empire is tested when the Supreme Leader suddenly takes an interest in her. When one date becomes several and she is ultimately tasked with becoming Empress and wife of the Supreme Leader, will Y/N be able to handle that kind of power outside the commander’s uniform?

CW: angst, swearing, romance, kissing, making out, fluff, allusions to sex(??)

“About time we dragged your ass out,” my friend Karmir exclaims as the server brings out our drinks and appetizers. I look to our other friend Balia as she digs into the appetizer and nods in agreement.

“I know,” I say shyly. I reach across the table to grab each of their hands in mine, “I needed this. And, I know we really needed this,” I earnestly say with a smile.

“Oh c’mon Y/n, they just brought out our drinks and you’re already getting sappy on us,” Karmir teases.

“Shut up!” I exclaim and toss a balled up napkin at him.

“So, how’re things with lover boy,” Balia asks.

“Ugh” I groan and take a sip of my drink.

“Trouble in paradise much,” Karmir smirks.

“Um, sort of. I mean, he’s great. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I think there’s just a lot more that comes with dating someone like him than I imagined and it’s starting to catch up to me now.”

“Like what? Does he have a secret doll collection? Does he sleep with socks on?” Karmir jokes and I snort at the thought.

“Oh stars no he does not have a secret doll collection,” I roll my eyes. “But I don’t actually know if he sleeps with his socks on or not.”

Balia and Karmir look at one another and then to me.

“You what?” Balia asks.

“What?”

“You don’t know how he sleeps?”

“No… should I?”

“Y/n, you’re telling us that you guys haven’t slept together before, like never shared a REM cycle with the guy?”

“Um… no?”

“Y/n,” my friends exclaim in shock.

“What?!”

“You haven’t spent the night with him yet?” Karmir asks.

“No, isn’t it kind of early for that,” I guiltily ask.

“Hm, I mean definitely go at whatever pace is comfortable for you, but to be honest, if that hasn’t happened yet I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened soon,” Balia advises and I widen my eyes in response.

“Do you really think so?”

“Yeah Balia’s right,” Karmir chimes in.

“I mean, it’s kind of hard to do that for us. Any time we spend time together, we usually meet up in some third location. I’ve never even been to his quarters before, until…,” I start to say before it hits me. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real. That wasn’t a real memory. But why did it feel that way?

“Y/n,” Balia calls out to me while Karmir snaps his fingers.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?” Balia asks

“You look like you’re gonna pass out on us, kid,” Karmir adds and moves a glass of water towards me. I take it and swallow several gulps.

“I’m sorry, I just remembered something incorrectly.”

Balia and Karmir raise eyebrows at one another then look at me, both with an equally quizzical facial expression.

“I’ve never been to his quarters in real life, but I went once… in a dream.”

“Oh… Well… a dream doesn’t exactly count, Y/n.”

“No, you don’t understand. I mean, yes, I know it doesn’t count in the grand scheme of things, but… it… it just felt realistic enough.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Balia asks me and I look into her wide black eyes framed with short curly lashes. I really look into them. I didn’t think I’d want to talk about this at all but the look in her eyes gives me the comfort I need and reassurance that it’s ok to face these things. That I’m not alone. Because if I can’t tell my best friends in the entire world about these things, then who could I tell?

I press my lips in a line and nod.

“Several nights ago I had this… this beautiful yet terrifying dream. I’ve never dreamt of something so lifelike before. But some of the things that happened in the dream really shook me up, so much so that… that I didn’t even tell Kylo about it. I haven’t told anyone about it.”

“What happened, Y/n?”

“The first thing I remember was walking through his quarters. It was my first time being there. I can’t even remember why he brought me, but somehow it was just the two of us in such an intimate space. Up until that point, in my waking life, I had thought a lot about what his quarters might be like. I thought about how big of a step it would be for us to see into the parts of our lives that are kept private and that thought terrified me. And in my dream, I wasn’t afraid, at least not at first. As I walked around I thought that his place was exactly how I imagined it would be. The physical representation of him in a living space was very comforting to me somehow. But it also reminded me that there are many parts of our lives that are still separate from one another and I don’t think I want to keep them that way for much longer. It scares me, but I think I want him to be a bigger part of my life. I think as each day passes, he means more and more to me. More than I’ll ever really understand or care to admit…” I pause, realizing what I’m saying.

It’s funny how little power an emotion can have when you keep it neatly tucked away in the back of your mind or your heart, until you fully vocalize it and realize just how much it can be a part of you if you let it.

“Oh Y/n, honey,” Balia coos and reaches across the table to hold my hand.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve actually said that out loud before, and even though it’s how I feel it also makes me want to cringe out of my skin,” I laugh.

“It’s okay Y/n, it looks like our baby is in love,” Karmir gushes and I scrunch my face and physically cringe my body at his words earning a chuckle from them both.

“Wait, but how did it turn into a nightmare,” Karmir asks.

“So, um, things started getting kinda heated after that,” I say with a blush and carefully select my words after, slightly uncomfortable with articulating the topic. “Um, things moved to the bedroom which kind of freaked me out at first. He was being a little cocky and forward in the dream which is a bit unusual for him but kind of hot,” I giggle and Balia and Karmir join in.

“Oh I just know his dark side has got to be good,” Karmir sighs.

“Did he show you how to use his lightsaber,” Balia winks.

“Balia,” I feel an instant blush rise to my cheeks raising the temperature of the room by a good one hundred degrees. “Oh stars no! Things escalated, but not that much. And even if we wanted to I don’t think it could’ve happened because at one point like hundreds of candles magically showed up and started a fire in his room and we had to run out and it was just this whole chaotic mess and–

“Is that? No, it can’t be! Vice admiral Y/n,” a familiar voice teases while sliding into the seat next to me. I look across to Balia and Karmir who give me an equal look of confusion. I swallow my drink and turn towards the perpetrator.

“Locke, what are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t I come and congratulate the First Order’s best and brightest,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Looks like you just did,” I sarcastically quip.

Locke clutches the fabric of his shirt over his heart.

“That hurts, y/n,” he jokes and I roll my eyes with a smile. What is he doing here, of all places? And why now of all times? Is seeing this man for forty hours a week not enough? And before I can even ask why he’s here, he says “So do you feel it yet?”

“Feel what?”

“The power, the prestige… the force maybe? I don’t know.”

I shrug and shake my head.

“C’mon, there’s gotta be something. Please, give a young novice commander some hope that things get better,” he jokingly pleads with puppy dog eyes. I hate to admit this, but if Locke wasn’t a soldier in the First Order, he could’ve made a decent actor.

“Shut up Locke, you’ve been doing this just as long as I have. We’re no different.”

“Oh but our uniforms say otherwise,” he replies, referring to the new uniform patch reflecting my new rank that I received this morning. I choose to ignore his implication and remain neutral.

“Oh, you mean how they both say First Order Defenders?”

“You know what I mean,” he replies with a smack of his lips.

“I do, but you seem to forget that we’re on the same team.”

He offers me a contemplative look. I look at Balia and Karmir who mouth “what is happening right now?”

“Well in that case, as long as you promise to have each other's backs when we set out to Korr then I think we’re all good here.”

“What,” Karmir chokes on his drink.

“You’re going back to Planet Korr again?” Balia asks and I sullenly nod. I’m actually really excited to be going back to Korr, but I know it’s at the expense of the time I could be spending with them.

“Why? You were literally just there. We haven’t had enough time with our favorite star girl since she got back.”

Karmir is partially right. I was just on a mission to Korr a month or two ago, but in the time since I’ve been back I’ve spent nearly all of it busy with work. And in the small fraction of time I have outside of work, I usually spend it with Kylo. Well, that was until the dream... But even then, I know I need to make more time for my friends which was what tonight was supposed to be about till Locke crashed it.

“I know,” I reply with a hint of guilt. “Things have been ramping up a lot at work so I have to go back for a few weeks to establish the new First Order Base.“

“Woah, but that’s really good news right” Balia asks and I nod with an appreciative smile.

“A few weeks? Damn, well when do you leave?” Karmir asks.

“Next week,” I solemnly shrug.

“Well, I guess that’s just all the more reason to celebrate and make the most of the time we have now,” Balia cheers and raises her glass.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” I gleefully respond and raise my glass to the air. Karmir joins in and Locke waits for my nod of approval to follow suit.

“Cheers,” we exclaim and clink glasses.

—

“Careful there,” Locke says as he places my arm across his shoulders and his arm across my mid back to steady me.

“Make sure you drink plenty of water before you go to sleep okay,” he adds. When we arrive at the door to my quarters, I lean against the wall and fish through my pockets for my key.

“Are you… taking care of me,” I tease with a smirk. He scoffs.

“Someone as smart as you should already know to drink water, but in this current… state… you look like you could use a reminder.”

“You know, you always have the perfect backhanded compliments. You never fail to create the ideal balance of niceness and rudeness all at the same time, how do you do it?”

He shrugs, “Natural talent I suppose” and I giggle.

“Who would’ve thought a commander would be the one taking care of the vice admiral,” he jokes.

“Ugh, don’t even say that and you are not even taking care of me… you’re just being a good friend,” I defend.

“Sure, you can call it that,” he shrugs.

“Seriously, thanks for bringing me back. Tonight was really fun even though you weren’t even invited.”

“Ugh, that was rude.”

“No it wasn’t! It was the truth. I mean, what else would you call my one night out with my friends being infiltrated by my nosy coworker?”

“A blessing in disguise,” he teases with wiggled eyebrows.

“Shut up,” I roll my eyes.

“That’s one way to thank a good friend for helping you get home safely,” he teases, but It brings an instant wave of guilt over me.

“I’m sorry, I just–”

“No, no, don't be sorry. I was just teasing. You don’t have to thank me, anyone with half a brain would look out for their own, you know?”

And I do know. The innate sense to protect and care for others runs deeply through both of us. We tease each other all the time and butt heads far too often, but I know it’s because of how similar we are.

“But, if you ever did, you know, want to thank me… maybe you could… I don’t know… put in a good word for me… with the Supreme Leader?” Locke asks while rubbing his palm against the back of his neck.

“What?” I inquire, instantly sobered by his question. I widen my brown eyes to lock onto his blue ones.

“You know, after this mission, maybe he’ll take notice of me and start bringing me on some more upper level assignments too.”

“Locke, what are you trying to say?” I press my lips in a thin line to hide their trembling motion.

“Well, I just see how much you’re progressing and a lot of people are noticing too. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you, really I am. In fact, I’m proud of you. I just know that if you can do it, then I can do it too, and I really really want to do it.” Why does this feel like both a praise and a slap to the face? Standard back-handed Locke compliment I suppose.

“Locke, what makes you think I could do anything for you that you can’t already do yourself?”

“Well, because you have a connection with the Supreme Leader.” He says matter of factly.

“A connection? And what kind of connection is that?”

“The kind of connection where he would do anything for someone like you.”

What does that mean?

“What is that supposed to mean,” I ask with disgust, the stumbling girl from a few moments ago long gone by now.

“C’mon Y/n, I know things are only ever strictly business with you, but maybe if you opened your eyes just a bit, you would see that the Supreme Leader is kind of enamored with you.”

“Kind of, what a good unit of measurement,” I can’t help but poke fun at his choice of words.

“Y/n, seriously. I know you don’t see it, but that man looks at you like you’ve saved him or something. Like he’s seeing the creator of the universe in front of his very eyes whenever you’re near,” he explains. His perception of my relationship with Kylo is so off putting that I’m genuinely surprised by his words. My shock runs so high that it blocks out any anxiety at the fact that he’s figuring things out from reaching the forefront of my mind.

“I don’t know about that,” I respond, genuinely hesitant to believe Kylo looks at me that way because the few times we interact in public I feel like we make a good effort to seem as neutral and professional as possible.

“Well, I do. And I know this might be asking for a lot. And the last thing I ever intend to do is insult you, but I don’t know, I think it would help to have someone in my corner, you know? Someone to advocate for me. If you said something to him about me, it might help me be able to defend the First Order in the way I always knew I was meant to.”

I take a long look at him, furrowing my eyebrows together with my mouth agape. I can’t believe he’s saying this to me right now.

“Locke, I say this because I care about you, and believe me, I’ll always be in your corner, but you must understand, I can’t possibly do that for you.”

“Why not? I would do it for you!”

“I don’t think you would.”

He opens his mouth then closes it and lets the words sink in.

“You should know that I’ve only gotten to where I am now because I didn’t rely on anyone else to advocate for me. Everything I’ve ever achieved was because I advocated for myself. And if you really want to do all the things you say you want to do, then you’re going to have to start advocating for yourself too.”

He exhales harshly, but I can see the spinning wheels in his head. A moment of silence passes between us.

“What is going on here? It is past curfew,” a synthesized voice authoritatively exclaims. I jump and turn to my left. A stormtrooper approaches us.

“We were just returning from the tavern,” I calmly explain.

“Yes, I wanted to ensure my friend's safe arrival home,” Locke rigidly responds.

“Well then, your job is done. You may go now,” the stormtrooper commands. Locke looks at me. He looks down then back into my eyes and says, “I’m sorry… Remember what I said about drinking water, okay?” I nod in response, partially frozen from processing the events that are transpiring before my very eyes.

By the time I blink my way back to reality Locke is gone and the stormtrooper is still at my side.

“Sorry, I’ll be heading inside now,” I announce. I turn to face the door and enter my key. I open the door and take a step forward. Right when I’m about to turn around and close my door, the storm trooper barks a “wait” and pushes past me into my quarters. They close the door and rush forward.

“Hey,” I exclaim. And just as quickly as they rushed into my space, the storm trooper swiftly removes their helmet, revealing a head of luminous charcoal black hair; the most beautiful head of hair in the galaxy. Right as the connection clicks in my head, he turns around to face me.

“Kylo, what the hell? What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? What are you doing? You’re out at all hours of the night with him? I haven’t seen you in days and you blow me off for him?” He throws the helmet across the floor.

“Kylo, please, there’s no need for that,” I gesture toward the helmet. “And, I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you. I made plans to go out tonight with Balia and Karmir. I haven’t seen them in a while and I really missed them. It was supposed to be just us till Locke showed up unexpectedly and crashed our night out. We all ended up drinking and he offered to walk me back to my quarters.”

Even adorned with the most durable white material in the galaxy, I can see the steep rise and fall of his chest. The sound of his heavy breathing permeates the room.

“And besides why would you barge into my room unannounced like that. I almost had a heart attack. And why are you dressed like that?”

He lets out a humph sound and proceeds to remove the various pieces of his stormtrooper ensemble.

“Isn’t it obvious? It was the only way I could see you without raising suspicion,” he says with a sigh. I exhale exasperatedly and plop onto my bed.

“I waited many hours for you and grew worried when you did not arrive,” he asserts. After removing his leg pieces, he sits in the chair across from the desk next to my bed and starts removing his upper body armor.

“I’m sorry Kylo, I should have told you. Things have just been getting really busy lately, I feel like my mind is all over the place. I knew spending time with them would make me feel better.”

“Yeah well I wanted to spend time with you too.”

“Kylo, please, can you just try to understand–”

“Understand what? The fact that my girlfriend has been avoiding me like the plague for no reason whatsoever and when she finally does agree to spend time with me she blows me off without so much as a warning?”

“It’s not like that,” I mutter, feeling the blood in my body turn to a boil.

“Then what is it like, Y/n?”

I inhale sharply at the sound of his boots being slammed onto the floor.

“I just lost track of time.”

“Bullshit, Y/n!”

“It’s true, I… things were busy at work and then by the time it was over, Balia and Karmir dragged me out to the tavern and next thing you know here we are now.”

“Y/n, c’mon.”

“That’s what happened!” I exclaim and leap off my bed to pace across my small room.

“Fine whatever, if that’s the excuse you have for today then how do you explain this week? You practically ran out of any room I walked into and denied every invitation I sent you to spend time together outside duty hours.”

I stop in my tracks and look at him. He leans forward with his forams atop his thighs. He looks up at me and his gaze is so intense that I look away.

“I just, I’ve been busy with work, is all,” I shrug.

“Y/n, I know when you’re busy and I know when you’re avoiding me,” he replies and climbs out of the chair. He walks toward me and I turn around so that my back faces him.

“I’m not avoiding you,” I lie.

“Y/n, you’re doing it right now,” he says with a hint of a smile in his voice.

He approaches me, standing close enough for me to feel the heat of his body and smell the scent of his skin but far enough that no part of our bodies touch. His proximity is so intoxicating that I can’t even think of how to respond.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asks softly.

“I’m not,” I breathlessly reply. He tucks a finger into a strand of my hair and gently brushes it across my shoulder to fall along my back, proceeding to produce goosebumps along the back of my neck.

“I think you’re lying,” he whispers. I shiver from the contact of his breath, hot and heavy, coating my left ear.

“Well, I’m not, I really have been busy at work.”

“I see, well perhaps I should remind Hux to coordinate a time management training, it seems the brigade could use it,” he teases. I turn around and glare at him.

“Hey! Just because I’m not the Supreme Leader doesn’t mean I don’t have a demanding and stressful job, okay?” I exclaim with a wagging index finger. He grabs my hand and interlaces our fingers

“I never said you didn’t,” he smirks. I remove my hand from his hold.

“Well you’re insinuating that my lack of free time stems from time management issues when in actuality stems from the fact that a certain vice admiral has a lot on her plate trying to defend her boyfriend's empire,” I huff and walk away from him. I take a few steps and end up in front of my door. I turn around angrily and stomp to my refresher room, passing Kylo in my wake. I roughly open the door and step through. I look at myself in the mirror. A light flush laces over my cheeks. My lack of sleep is evident in the bags under my eyes. I look horrid.

I reach out for a cloth rag and run warm water over it. I start to remove the makeup from my face when I hear Kylo’s footsteps padding toward me.

“Y/n,” he coaxes, but I’m still too upset to let it comfort me.

“What?” I glare at him through the mirror.

“Allow me,” he whispers and I turn around in confusion. He holds out his hand, palm side up near my hand with the makeup remover cloth. I look from the cloth to his eyes and he nods. I sigh and place the cloth in his large hand.

“Sit,” he softly says and I sit on the limited counter space next to my sink.

He slowly makes his way toward me. He reaches his arm out and places one hand on the back of my neck. WIth the other, he places loving strokes across my cheeks. I close my eyes and let out a huff. He removes the rest of my makeup in silence and places a soft kiss on my forehead to finish.

“There,” he says and I flutter my eyelids open. I peer up at him and he mouths the words, “so beautiful”. I offer a meek half smile in return.

“Y/n, I know the demands of your duties have greatly increased and on the one hand I couldn’t be more pleased. It brings me great joy to see your performance suitably rewarded. But I find it hard to believe that that alone is what is causing this behavior,” he comments while cupping my face with his right hand and stroking his thumb in soft slow circles along the skin of my cheek.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, since when have you ever shied away from a challenge? Becoming one of the First Order’s youngest vice admirals is no small feat. It’s something you should be proud of. I know I am.”

“Thanks,” I offer with another meek smile, too exhausted and afraid to give much more. But it doesn’t escape my notice how lightweight my heart feels at the sound of his praise for me.

“So really, what’s got you worked up so much my little star?”

Where do I even start? I mean he’s right. Under normal circumstances I would jump up and down at being promoted to vice admiral. But it’s hard to relish in the achievement when all of the First Order’s eyes are on me all the time waiting for me to mess up. They’re on me for becoming one of the youngest vice admirals. They’re on me for extending First Order dominance to the planets of Korr and potentially Myr. They’re on me when I hang out with my friends and when I talk to my coworkers about any little thing. They’re on me when I’m with Kylo. And even when I think I’m free from their gaze, it looms in my mind and penetrates my dreams. It’s absolutely exhausting.

“It’s just a lot. A lot is going on and it’s all happening really fast,” I say, hesitant to add any more. I shift, uncomfortable under his adorning gaze. I stand up from the sink and rub along my sore behind. Kylo steps backward to give me room. I sway past him and enter my room. I pause, sweeping my gaze from my desk in the corner to my full size bed and then to the door leading to the hall outside.

“Vice admiral quarters have got to be an upgrade compared to this, right?”

“Yes, they are,” he chuckles, “but even then, I’m sure you’ll outgrow them soon.”

He comments as he walks past me and climbs onto my bed.

“Kylo, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m getting comfortable,” he replies nonchalantly while sitting with his back against my headboard. I never imagined Kylo would ever be in my quarters. I figured it would take a while to get to the point where I would go over to his, but I never imagined him being in mine, especially like this.

“Come here,” he pleads and pats the spot between his legs. I gulp and climb onto the opposite side of the bed.

“A little closer,” he commands and I scoot forward an inch.

“Closer,” he repeats his words and I repeat my actions.

“Y/n, do I need to use The Force right now,” he cheekily asks.

“I know you think you’re being funny but that’s not a cool thing to say. You know how I–”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he leans forward and picks me up as though I were weightless and places me on his lap with a leg on either side of his hips. He locks his arms around my waist to cage me in.

“Kylo, what the fuck?” I push away at his stupidly broad chest. He looks down at me with amusement.

“Maybe I should use that trick more often. I kind of like it when you swear at me.”

“Kylo! You’re being really weird right now. You’re–,” I cut off with a gasp and fully blown out eyes.

“What?”

I look down at our entangled limbs and back into his glassy brown eyes. This feels a little too much like deja vu right now. I can’t do this right now. I try to wrangle out of his grasp, but his muscles are so dense they don’t even budge.

“Y/n, what are you doing?”

“I–” I start not even sure how to express what I’m feeling. I butt my head into the hardened muscles of his defined chest with a “humph”. I stay there like that, motionless, but finding increasing comfort in our lack of eye contact and the softness of his fingertips at my lower back.

“And I’m the one that’s acting weird?”

“Mhm,” I whine, voice muffled by his shirt. He places his hands along either side of my face and gently gestures my head upward. I sullenly follow his lead and look at him exasperatedly. Below his eyes are bags that resemble mine. I know why I haven’t been able to sleep, but what could be worrying him?

“Talk to me, my love. Please,” he softly whimpers and I sigh.

“It’s hard,” I whisper, looking back and forth between his eyes.

“I know baby, I know it is. But you’ve done much harder things, might I add, with the grace and ease I could only dream of.”

I pull my head back slightly, mouth slightly agape at his words. The use of the term of endearment and vulnerable thought leaves me breathless.

“Really?” He nods and smiles a small but warm smile. His bottom lip curls slightly and I raise my right index finger to run softly across it.

“Do you know why I really came here?”

“You didn’t come because I missed our date?”

“Well, that was part of it, but there was something else.”

“If it wasn’t because of that, then what could it have been about?”

He inhales deeply, thinking carefully about what words he’s going to say next. I shuffle closer towards him, enough to press my upper body against his. I peer up at him, letting him know that whatever he has to say, I’ll be okay.

“Many days ago… I sensed a disturbance within The Force. I hadn’t felt something like that in quite some time, so as you can imagine it was fairly alarming. But what made it more so was the fact that I could sense it had something to do with you,” he pauses, searching within my own eyes. He can’t possibly be talking about…

“I know your feelings about The Force, but I was concerned you might have been harmed, so I tapped into the Force hoping it would lead me to you, but there was nothing. It was like looking through a telescope, I could only see a glimpse of something so far out of reach and only be able to do nothing about it.” His thick fingers slowly glide down from my face to my hips, almost as if it were a testament to my very real physical presence in front of him, reassuring that yes I’m here, yes I’m untouched.

“It drove me crazy worrying that something might have happened to you and knowing nothing, not being able to do anything,” he adds, his eyes growing darker under his furrowed eyebrows.

“Day in and day out I searched for you, I longed for you, and I was embraced with nothing. I ached to know if you were safe. The disturbance was gone almost as soon as I felt it, but I couldn’t ignore the feeling of something being outright wrong. It has brought me many sleepless nights since. I couldn’t last another one without finally seeing you for myself.”

We sit in silence for several moments while I process his words. Absent-mindedly, he rubs circles in my skin with his thumbs. I bring my hand up to cup his face and he leans into it before bringing his head upright and looking into my eyes.

“Has anything happened to you, Y/n? Have you been hurt at all? Has anything happened to disturb your peace?”

“No, nothing has happened to me and I haven’t been hurt. That last question is a bit loaded. I can think of several things that have disturbed my peace in the last few days alone.”

“Y/n,” he scolds.

“I know, I know… When did this happen?”

“Many days have passed since I felt it, I’ve lost track.”

“No I mean… where were you when it happened? What were you doing?”

“I awoke from slumber. A sharp physical pain woke me and then I felt it. It was fleeting, but I was cognizant enough to recognize it.” My heart instantly sinks to my stomach. Damn this stupid dream for wreaking havoc on not just me, but the love of my life too. I throw myself against him and wrap my arms around his neck. He tightens his hold on my waist.

“Kylo, I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears forming in my eyes.

“Sorry? What could you be sorry for?”

“Something did happen. Although I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to have told you. But I guess it was enough, enough for you to have felt the pain I was experiencing on that day and the days afterward.”

“Y/n, what happened?”

“I… I had a dream.”

“A dream?”

“Yes, a dream. It haunted me the night I had it and every night since. It was something I thought would be better if I dealt with on my own, but I haven’t been doing a very good job of that,” I explain while avoiding his gaze.

“What happened, my love?”

And before I realize it, I’m telling him. I’m telling him everything; every thought, every detail, every fear. I tell him about the dream, my anxieties about work, my fear of losing my connection to my friends, and how intimidated I am by my feelings for him and the implications of our relationship.

“And to top it all off, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you, but it’s been scaring the life out of me. I don’t know how you were able to say it so easily. For me, it feels like gathering the courage to say it takes the same amount of effort as running a marathon. But I’ve been working my way towards it and I need to say it now. I need you to hear me say it, okay? And that is…” I gulp, nearly choking on my admission.

“Kylo Ren, I am in love with you,” I say with more authority than care. I look into his eyes, searching for any sort of reaction.

“I love you, and it terrifies me to both feel and admit this because it is incredibly new to me.”

I’m prepared to choke out more words to add to my declaration but Kylo beats me to the punch. He whispers a quiet “shh” before he pulls me closer to him.

“I know how much it means for you to say that. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me either, but now, it invigorates me beyond belief. I don’t think I ever truly loved anyone before I met you. And now, I can say with confidence that my love for you is greater than the number of stars in the universe,” he whispers, eyes lock on mine before he flutters his eyelids close and I instinctively do the same.

His lips gently brush against mine and I could cry from how soft they are. Who knew a pair of lips could feel like home? He moves them against mine in a slow rhythmic motion. There is no rush. We have all the time in the world.

His lips part open and I snake my tongue along his. Our mouths move in sync, performing a push and pull, give and take of heat and energy. I run my fingers through his hair and he moans into our kiss, making my lips curve up in a smile.

He deepens the kiss even more and it makes me feel intoxicated. Perhaps this is what people mean when they say they are drunk in love because how else could I feel so weightless and full of bliss from a single pair of lips belonging to the man I love? And yet, they caress mine like a tender jewel placed along a soft pillow for preservation. For a moment I think I could stay like this forever. Kissing Kylo this way is utterly magical.

But in a swift instant he flips the switch and it awakens something deep inside me I did not think would ever reach the surface. Soon, shaking hands and sweet kisses turn to hard grips and loud groans. Skin touches skin and sweat gleans every inch of our warm bodies. Every fiber in my being sensitive to his touch.

The primal urge to establish my connection to him in such a physical way overwhelms me. It is an urge that, up until this moment, I’ve kept buried deep below largely stacked folds of guilt and shame and fear. Yet Kylo’s presence grounds me. To hear his voice call out for me is all I ever needed to know that every cell in my body cries out for him just the same. And with just a touch, he unravels me. Never have I known completion in every sense of the word until Kylo Ren came into my world.

---------------------------------------------

Taglist: @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @asherrenwrites @g-l-pierce @livi-s @gruffle1 @mssbridgerton @dark-night-sky-99 @adaodinson @thefireoflust @pineapplechuncks @sarah5462 @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @would-not-recommend @karina-v20 @andromeda-blackc @hueanhdang

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ruthiewrites91 · 2 years ago

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✨Pinned Post✨

📚Alrighty then... let’s go

My name’s Ruthie. I’m an author and a screenwriter, and purveyor of fandom trash. Always have been, always will be. I’ve been publishing books since I was 19 (not all of them great), and got my degree at CSUN’s Screenwriting Program and am steadily working my way into the industry. Let’s go down my currently active projects.

If you don’t feel like scrolling thorough a huge post, may I offer you my personal website? I update it regularly and there’s a lot more in depth info on who I am and what I do,

First thing’s first - Ladies of Fortune has a website! For those uninitiated, I developed a pirate show in 2017 centered around the life and times of Anne Bonny and Mary Read, my favorite historical pirate figures of the Golden Age. I approached Mr. Damien Gerard years ago to play the lead villain, Ben Hornigold, and got a resounding “yes!” Little did I know that in the Year Of Our Lord 2022, Damien would be in another little pirate show as a the fearsome father of Edward “Blackbeard” Teach in Our Flag Means Death.

Since then, LoF has gotten some major traction among the OFMD fan community, and even helped fund us through Kickstarter! We filmed a proof of concept--basically a shiny piece of pitch material for studios--and plan on pitching the show to execs sometime in the early spring.

(that’s me in the red wig as Anne Bonny~!)

Next up, let’s chat books📚

I write a lot of those. And hey, they’re all romance (for now)

The Kiss of 89 (currently for preorder only through my publisher) This Steddie inspired romance follows Wes Peters as he goes from Prom King to Pariah in his small town of Duffer Springs, CO, and his wild summer love with the town’s metal-head weirdo, Nicky Hoffman. M/M 🌶️ 🌶️

Blood in the Golden Palace Take 50 Shades of Grey, and make it readable. This is a spicy, BDSM mobster romance between the underboss of an Italian crime family, Angelo DiRossi and the (not so) innocent object of his affection, Penny Sweet. M/F 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️

The Railwalkers When does justice become revenge? Follow Violet Donovan as she escapes a wrongful murder conviction, only to fall into the clutches of The Railwalker Gang; a notorious group of vigilantes who seek out only the most corrupt and vile men the west has to offer. F/F 🌶️

Unscripted Act 1 and Act 2 A low stakes, bubbly duology between Mega Superstar and Neurotic Mess Ethan Teller and his hyped up, loving, overly affectionate secret boyfriend, Finn Phelps. M/M 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️

Beyond my books, I also write screenplays and spec scripts, including a spec for Our Flag Means Death and What We Do In The Shadows, respectively.

You can take a look at what I’ve got on offer here, though most of my scripts tend to swing between horror and comedy.

I’ll be updating this pinned post fairly regularly. This is also a fraction of everything I got going on. For the time being, I’m still going to be tweeting until the Titanic meets the iceburg. Which will probably be soon...

#writer #author #writers of tumblr #authors of tumblr #queer writers #queer voices #steddie #ofmd #stranger things #pirates #ladies of fortune #lof #books #indie books #indie author #romance author #romance

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zorohezoro · 3 years ago

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Parts 3-4: Sanity

Warnings: NSFW, SMUT CUNNILINGUS, SMACKING, PRAISE, DEGRADATION, SLIGHT ORGASM DENIAL

Summary: Matsumi finally gives in to her desires for one of the men she’s been fawning over these past 6 months.

You can find the full story here

Gojo x f!reader

AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE a short amount of time spent with Nanami, I had to leave. It was finally getting dark outside and I almost forgot I had plans to meet Gojo at the office for this so-called surprise. Nanami was sleeping peacefully on my lap and I hated to wake him up.

"Nanami....sweetheart I have to go. Let's get you into bed so your neck doesn't hurt from sleeping here on the sofa." I said. He groaned and clenched my thigh. "No stay," he said. I smiled to myself and slid from under him. He groaned a little more so I decided to let him stay. I made him comfortable with a few pillows and spread a blanket over him. I decided to leave him a note.

Nanami, I had to go but hopefully, we can do this again sometime. Don't you dare fall asleep on me :)

Xoxo, Sumi <3

As soon as I walked out of Nanami's, I got a sudden call from Gojo. "Hi sir, I'm on my way now! I'm just leaving Nanami's." I said. "Good girl. Feiten should be arriving as we speak. See you soon darling." Gojo replied. It was a short ride to the office. Feiten finally arrived and I popped open the back door and quickly got in. The tone in the car was quite different. There was a bottle of chardonnay and a note left by the single glass.

Matsumi, I hope you enjoyed your time with Nanami. Stop by your desk and change into what I’ve left for you and meet me on the helipad.

Kisses, Gojo

We finally arrived at the office and Feiten came around to open the door for me. "Thank you Feiten. Now tell me, do you know what Gojo-san has in store for me?" I looked at him with puppy dog eyes. "Now you know that I know Matsumi. However, I cant tell you. You know that I'd lose my job if Gojo-san found out, and of course, he knows everything." Feiten said. "Awww Feiten, not even for me?" I asked as I got out of the car. "Absolutely not Ms. Tanabe. Now hurry along before Gojo gets impatient." Feiten replied.

I sighed and headed towards the elevator, curious as to what Gojo possibly had in store for me. Especially since it sounded like he was going to use his helicopter. I finally arrived in the elevator and decided to scroll through my phone. I had a text from Nanami.

“Had so much fun with you gorgeous. Let’s do it again sometime.”

“I’d love that. Next week?”

By the time I finished texting Nanami back I was already on the top floor. I walked out of the elevator to find two boxes and a note on my desk.

The red one is for a different time. Don’t open it just yet, I’ll know if you do.

Xoxo, Gojo

He was acting differently than usual. I'm honestly surprised he doesn't have other plans tonight. He usually has some fling with a woman. Wouldn't expect anything less from well-known pretty-boy player Gojo Satoru. I opened the black box and noticed some red tissue paper inside. I quickly took it out only to see a black strapless dress. It paired well with the heels that I wore today. He noticed. Since no one was on the floor I quickly slipped out of my clothes and changed into the beautiful dress. I slipped back into my heels, put my clothes in the empty box, and headed towards the elevator to finally go up to the helipad.

The elevator doors slid back open and I saw Gojo standing there with a smug grin on his face. "Hey, gorgeous," Gojo said. "Hey? What is all this?" I questioned. "Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Let's get dinner." "Gojo please, if you wanted to get dinner I could have met you at the restaurant, no need to take the helicopter," I said. "Yes but that's not what matters. All that matters is, you followed my instructions. Kitten, it's cute that you thought we were going to a restaurant. I think you should let me handle things from now on." He smirked

"Kitten" Working for a man of his stature definitely has its perks. He really knows his way with words. It's becoming harder and harder every day to keep this little secret feeling I have for Gojo inside.

"Well Gojo, lead the way. You know I'll always follow. Especially if you keep looking at me with those eyes of yours." I sighed. "Well Sumi, these eyes want to see you get into the helicopter," Gojo said. I darted a quick look at him and proceeded to get into the helicopter. He followed and placed his hand on the small of my back making sure I don't fall.

Don't worry, I wouldn't let it happen if I didn't want it to. I get that he's my boss but who doesn't love a spicy romance?

"Great view kitten. I can't help but think of what else I could see from behind." He said. I was finally settled in my seat and my cheeks flushed a bright pink. I seriously cannot with this man. Always making snide comments at my body shape. Not that I mind, he's always complimented me every chance he got.

Gojo

I watched her through my blindfold. Her cheeks were flushed. How cute. She makes me nervous. Yes, Sumi is my assistant, but I just can't help but think of the possibilities with her. The way her body moves when she's around me makes it seem like she has taken a liking to me, not just platonically. We finally settled into the helicopter and waited for lift-off.

"G-gojo, I have to ask you something," Sumi said. I could see that she was trying to hide her face. She was looking down at her legs. "Go ahead doll, I'm listening," I replied.

MINORS DNI

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, and if you have to f-fire me because of it I understand." She paused. "These past six months have been wonderful working with you every day. There would be no reason that I'd fire you, Kitten." She sighed. She looked up, wiping her clammy hands on the blanket she always kept in the helicopter. She was nervous, I could tell that whatever she had to say was a great deal based on how she's acting. I lifted my blindfold and grabbed her hand, she was slightly shaking. "Sumi, let's just wa-," I was interrupted. "N-no! If I don't say this now I won't ever say it. Satoru, being by your side every day for the past 6 months has made me feel whole. I know you're my boss and I know it's wrong but I just can't hold back thes-," I cut her off crashing my lips into hers just as we took off.

Her lips were soft, she tasted faintly of chardonnay and green tea mochi. We continued like this for a while, with her right here with me the view of Tokyo from above didn't matter. I felt her tongue glide across my bottom lip asking for entrance which I gladly gave. The intensity of just this one kiss made me forget about all of the other women I've ever been with. Her tongue intertwined with mine as we started battling for dominance. I couldn't let her win, I wrapped my hands around her tiny throat eager to take this further. She proceeded to wrap her arms around my neck never breaking the intense kiss. I roamed my free hand around her body lightly squeezing her thigh making my way under her dress. I reached just before her pussy and I could already feel the heat coming off begging me to touch it, I laughed slightly. She moaned into my mouth when I touched her inner thigh. I started kissing down her neck reaching her collarbone letting my hand rub small circles around her already swollen clit, her panties were soaked. Cute little moans escaped her pretty little mouth. I stopped.

Sumi looked up at me pouting. "Darling, we can continue this later. No need to pout." I smirked. She looked me up and down with lust in her eyes which made me want more. We finally landed at my home. Her cheeks were flushed red, eyes were slightly watery.

"I hope so," Sumi replied, a slight smirk forming on the left side of her mouth.

Pt 4

Matsumi

WE FINALLY LANDED. Gojo broke the kiss which left me all hot and bothered. "Darling, we can continue this later. No need to pout." He smirked. My cheeks were still hot when he looked at me. "I hope so," I replied.

Gojo got up first. "Welcome to..." he paused looking at me for a second too long. It seemed like he was at a loss for words when he saw me get up. "My house." he finished.

"Satoru, did you catch a cold? I've been here before more times than I can count on all my fingers." He did seem like he was acting out of the ordinary. "Well kitten, I know that but you've only come as my assistant," Gojo replied.

"What more could I be?" I asked. "Doll, titles aren't necessary. Now, about your surprise. Follow me." He offered his hand for mine and I gladly accepted. He abruptly stopped. "Ah! Before we go inside, here Doll-face." He took off his blindfold and put it on my face. I never understood how he could see through this, I guess I never will. Under the blindfold, it was pitch black. "Gojo how do you see under this? It's pitch black but yet you wear it almost everywhere." I questioned.

"That is for me to know and you to hopefully never find out little one. Now stop asking questions and start obeying orders. Let's go." We walked a few meters, I heard the sound of Gojo's elevator open. "Watch your step doll, let's not ruin that pretty little face of yours," he said.

MINORS DNI

The elevator doors finally closed. The silence in this elevator was deafening. Gojo still had my right hand in his so I used my other to roam around his body since I couldn't see the other four senses were heightened. I felt his abs through his shirt and blushed immediately. "Like what you feel doll?" Gojo slightly laughed. "Yes actually, seems like you do too," I smirked

I felt his trousers tightening as I roamed my free hand around his body. He let go of my other hand shortly after which gave me the freedom to put my hand on the back of his neck. I stopped caressing his body and brought his face down to mine and started to kiss him. Shortly after I felt him lift me. I wrapped my legs around him, the next thing I know, I heard the emergency stop ring. This excited me. I kissed his neck biting slightly then moving up to his earlobe nibbling on it. He slapped my ass hard making me grind on his toned belly. He put me down and I started to remove the blindfold. "Don't take it off princess, if you want me to fuck you in this elevator you'll keep it on," Gojo whispered in my ear. I obeyed, a little scared of what he'd do otherwise.

GOJO

I stopped the elevator, eager to finally fuck Matsumi as I intended as part of her surprise. I can't fathom her doing this with any other man especially Nanami Kento. When Kento told me he was developing feelings for Sumi, I knew I had to do something. "Don't take it off princess, if you want me to fuck you in this elevator, you'll keep it on," I whispered. I placed my hand around her waist and lifted her dress just above her ass with the other.

Her scent was intoxicating. The slight scent of peaches lingered on my nose as I got on my knees in front of her. I had my hands on the back of her thighs ready to rip her panties off this instant. I wasn't going to do that though. I want to tease her, make her beg me to fuck her. I caressed her thighs littering kisses all over. Her legs were already starting to give out. I slid her panties off and lifted her legs resting them on my shoulders. God even her pussy is pretty. I held her legs up and proceeded to slightly bite her inner thigh a little making her jump and let out a soft moan. "Don't be quiet for me princess, I want to hear all your pretty moans," I said, planting kisses between words.

MATSUMI

Gojo licked and sucked my inner thigh slightly biting it every so often making me jump. God, I just want him to devour me already. "P-please, more." I moaned slightly. "Not so fast little one, let daddy work his magic. You're already so wet for me, you're doing so good," he said.

My grip on reality slowly slipped, focusing on Gojo's touch was all I needed to worry about. I felt his hand on my stomach just above my pussy. His mouth was getting closer until I finally felt his tongue slide on my slit. Ahh yes. His tongue circled my clit making me jump. This was my first time feeling this aroused. I felt him slip a finger inside me, pumping his finger in and out at a steady pace while still sucking on my clit. Don't stop. I felt a ball forming in my stomach, knowing I was going to cum soon. Gojo added a second finger which made me moan even louder. I felt him curl them up towards my g-spot pumping them in and out faster and faster. I clenched around him signaling that I was right at my orgasm and he suddenly stopped. "W-why did you stop," I whined.

"Shut up. Get on your knees." Gojo said while lifting my legs off of his shoulders. I immediately got on my knees and waited for him to do something else. It sounded like he was unbuckling his pants. "Open your mouth."

I opened my mouth slightly. Gojo laughed and I felt him grab my face "Don't play with me doll, wider." Gojo demanded. I did as he said. I didn't even get a chance to say anything before he shoved his dick down my throat bottoming out. "Your throat is so fucking tight babygirl. Stick your tongue out for me," he groaned. He started pumping in and out slowly letting me get used to his size in my throat. He slammed back into me causing me to cough and gag making my eyes water. He lifted the blindfold uncovering my eyes. "You look so fucking hot right now swallowing my dick like this princess," Gojo said. he kept pumping his dick inside my throat, I could feel his strokes start to get sloppy signaling that he was about to cum. He slammed into me one last time releasing his load in the back of my throat. "Swallow it slut." I did as he said. I opened my mouth showing him proof. "You're such a good little cumslut do you know that princess?" he said. I shook my head up and down. I slowly got up only to be picked up and pinned against the wall. "You want me to fuck you like the dirty little whore you are Sumi?" Gojo asked. "Y-yes," I replied. "Yes what babygirl?" he grinned. "Use your words now, I know you're not shy the way you just swallowed my dick whole." he continued. "Y-yes daddy make me yours already." I stuttered.

He grabbed me by my throat. "That answer is fine for now because I want to fuck you so bad, do better next time." he grinned. My throat was let go and he quickly picked me up and positioned his dick at my entrance, rubbing it up and down making me whimper. "G-Gojo p-please." I moaned. "Please fuck me now." Those four words were all it took for him to slam his dick into me. Not giving me enough time to adjust to his size, he slammed into me again and again. It hurt so well. Ah yes, daddy make me cum! I was already on edge since he denied me twice already. "Don't cum until I tell you to okay princess?" he slowed down his thrusts to allow me to answer. "Yes, d-daddy." He kept going faster after I replied making me clench around him. I was already going to cum. Another ball formed in my stomach. The lewd sounds of my pussy filled the elevator as he continued slamming into me. My back arched in his arms as he hit my sweet spot again and again. He hasn't given me permission to cum yet but I can't hold back. I clench one last time making him slam into me once more which sent me over the edge. I came. "I'm sorr-" I was cut off my Gojo slapping me across my face while still slamming into me. I couldn't form words he continued to quicken his pace until I felt like I was on cloud nine. I continued to cum 3 more times, slapped twice more. I nuzzled into his neck, tears streaming down my face ruining my makeup. I was seeing stars. I could feel him slowing down his thrusts getting sloppy. He pulled out of me and got on his knees still holding me. "Open your mouth." I agreed. He quickly got up and stroked his dick a few times before shoving it in my throat one final time groaning as he was releasing his fluid in the back of my throat forcing me to swallow again.

"Good girl. Now let's get you cleaned up yeah?" Gojo said. I tried getting up but I couldn't feel my legs. I noticed he had a Cheshire-like grin on his face. He's enjoying this. "If you're going to stare can you at least help me get up since you did this?" I pouted.

"Of course. You just look so beautiful when you're freshly fucked. Just wait until I have you in a bed. You think you can't get up now?" Gojo laughed. He scooped me up again lifting me like I was a feather and pressed the button on the elevator. We finally reached his room and he undressed me fully and laid me on the bed while he filled up the bathtub. I was exhausted so I drifted off to sleep waiting for Gojo to finish and come get me.

#jjk smut #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut

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sakura-blossom28 · 4 years ago

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Modern Day Romance

Chapter 2

Here’s chapter 2! I love Gaara, he’s my favorite character so this was really fun to write! Sorry his history is a little long I tried to make it as close to what it really was with it being modern au! Let me know what you think!! Don’t own Naruto!

Ch 1 /

Dating had not come easily for Gaara. He was always alone, aloof, and reserved in showing any emotions. Well, that’s how he used to be. His upbringing had been a real struggle for his family. When his mother passed away during his birth, it put a real strain on the family. Instead of coming together with his father and siblings, they slowly drifted apart. Being shut out by his own family lead Gaara down a dark and violent path. With no supervision and access to their family’s wealth from a famous fashion magazine, Gaara was able to fuel early addictions that his young body could not tolerate.

Gambling had started his descent into his spiral out of control. By the time he was ten Gaara had started placing bets on games and dice in back allies behind the liquor stores in town, but the thrill of winning wasn’t enough. Eventually, he found his way to street fights. He was good of course from constantly fighting for years, but one night he bit off more than he could chew. The pain was unbearable, but that fight, in particular, had knocked Gaara’s brain around so much that something finally clicked. He needed to stop all of this, drinking, drugs, fighting. It all needed to stop.

Only at the sight of his siblings surrounding him with tears in their eyes did it all come together for him. All the times that he thought they didn’t care about him, didn’t he notice the concerned looks in their eyes? When he came home late at night, wasn’t there always some food and pain medicine left at the kitchen table? Seeing his brother and sister in such a state over him made him realize that he had acted cruelly towards them. They were scared of their own brother and he wanted to change that, but how?

He looked over to his father and did not see any emotions of caring in his eyes. More embarrassment at the situation. Maybe some relationships couldn’t change, but as long as Gaara could have his siblings that would be enough for him. He had no desire to attempt to change his relationship with his father, but it might be easier to deal with him if Temari and Kankuro started to like Gaara more.

“You’ve done enough to sully the family name. You will be sent away to learn how to behave like a proper human being. No discussions, you’re leaving as soon as you’re discharged,” his father said in a stern voice. They locked eyes to see who would drop first in a struggle for dominance. Gaara was the first, but he only closed his eyes.

“Yes. I will agree to that,” Gaara said quietly while keeping his eyes closed. His father turned to walk out of the room, but when he heard Gaara’s voice again he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Thank you… Father,” Gaara had not addressed his father with any form of a name since he was about six. Hearing those words shocked Gaara’s father to his core. The room went totally silent with everyone else holding their breath. Their father relaxed his shoulders and said, “Temari, find a suitable program… for your brother,” and he left without looking back at them. That was the first time that Gaara had been acknowledged as part of the family by their father. Yes, this was a change that Gaara needed…

Years later Gaara finished his rehabilitation with the help of his siblings. They had found a wonderful program that focused on violent behaviors and also allowed Gaara to go to school and earn a high school degree. It was a school located out in the desert and it helped Gaara connect to himself and others in the program. He was able to write letters to his siblings and that’s how they repaired their broken relationships and learned to care for each other again. Not only was the staff educated on how to help Gaara emotionally, but they also taught him better ways to channel his anger.

After graduating Gaara returned home. He had picked up the knack of gardening and especially enjoyed cacti. It helped him remember everything he learned. He also took up material arts which was offered at the school. Gaara was not surprisingly good at his new hobby, but he also made his first friend. On the first day of lessons, Gaara had knocked Lee, the teacher’s assistant, around a bit too much, he had so much frustration built up that he lost control. Gaara was so distraught about the whole situation he visited Lee in the hospital. He expected to be run out by the teacher, but when he walked in Guy and Lee all smiled at Gaara. He was so confused, but it felt so nice to be smiled at that Gaara stayed and got to know Lee. On their way out of the hospital, Guy had said something that Gaara would never forget.

“If you hadn’t come and visited Lee to make sure he was okay I would have kicked you off the team and reported back to the school that you might be unable to change, but the fact that you did speaks volumes. You have a willingness to be a good person. Keep working on yourself, listen to your teachers and people will accept you. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the end when you are surrounded by people who truly love you,” Gui patted him on the shoulder, flashed him a toothy grin and thumbs up and ran off down the block. Gaara hadn’t had any form of affection in years and he craved more.

Being on a dating app was not Gaara’s idea of fun. He barely kept up with his own personal social media accounts, except for his secret page about his small garden. Temari and Kankuro had created the profile for him. Kankuro was a photographer for their father’s magazine and Temari was a designer for the label as well. Most of his pictures on the profile were taken by Kankuro. He often posed for his brother because he enjoyed spending time with his family, even though they all started fighting as the session dragged on. No one could take charge. Their father had every attention to give the company to Gaara after he earned his degree, but Gaara knew that was not the life he wanted to live.

When he walked into his father’s office when he was eighteen, walking tall and had an air of confidence about him, his father was shocked at the man before him. Gaara was calm and spoke from his heart about how he had no intention of taking over the company, but wanted to go to school to become a therapist to help people that were like him. And that’s exactly what he did. His father saw that there would be no changing his mind, and he didn’t have the strength to argue anyway with the shock still rattling his brain that Gaara was this new person.

So here Gaara was sitting in his apartment looking at different girls in his area. Life was going well and Temari felt it was time he finally found a nice girl to pull the stick out of his butt. Gaara had never had a serious girlfriend before. Only casual flings, but they never heald his attention for very long. They normally weren’t a fan of his uncaring facade. Secretly, he was still worried about being rejected like he was with his family so many years ago. Was he willing to trust someone with such intimate feelings to have them leave if they didn’t like what they saw in him? He was only overthinking everything because of his job. Sure he helped people with addiction, but they also had their own struggles with relationships. He was just awful at taking his own advice.

He did feel this was better than meeting some girl at a bar. He didn’t typically go out much, but Kankuro insisted some nights to be his wing-man. It was enjoyable to watch his brother fail at picking up women. Temari was also no help. She only recommended women who were like her and those women happened to be a bit too intimidating for Gaara. At least on these dating apps, he could talk to the women first before deciding if they were annoying or not.

Gaara didn’t have a type, but he did seem to be attracted to women who smiled openly in their pictures. As he was scrolling he got a notification from one of his dating-apps. Sakura liked your picture! Tap to match! He hadn’t gotten a like in what felt like forever. Probably another goth girl who would find him boring once they started talking. With his look of mostly wearing black, Gaara attracted a certain type of woman. He dressed professionally while at work but during his downtime, Temari gave him everything that was off the rack that she thought that he would like. These girls thought he was a fashion guru, but he disappointed them time and again when he admitted that someone picked them out for him and he really didn’t care about labels. They seemed to ghost him after that.

When he opened the app he was met with a bright smile and sea glass green eyes that were like his own, but these eyes were filled with happiness. Gaara’s caught his breath when he looked at this girl Sakura. She was nothing like the girls who liked him before. Sakura was all sunshine and bright colors from her pink hair to her clothes. She was a nurse and enjoyed sweets and being outside. What surprised Gaara the most was what picture she had liked.

It was the very last picture on his profile and the only picture of him smiling. He was embarrassed when Temari insisted that she HAD to put in on. It was a dinner party a few months ago that Temari had thrown to announce her engagement to her longtime boyfriend Shikamaru. Lee had eaten something a little too spicy for his liking and was being his ridiculous self and Gaara just had to laugh at his misfortune. The fact that this girl Sakura looked at his whole profile and liked his picture was thrilling to Gaara. He had to talk to this girl, she seemed different if she liked a guy like him.

His hands started to type out a message before he realized what he was doing and pressed send to match with a Sakura Haruno...

Ch 3

#gaara x sakura #Sakura Haruno #Sabaku No Gaara #temari #Kankuro #shikamara nara #Rock Lee #might guy #modern au #dating au #My writing #gaasaku

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sooghostwriter · 5 years ago

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Chef Soo. Three meals a day

Pairings: Do Kyung Soo x OC (Nameless, but I refuse to use Y/N)

Genre: Romance, AU (?), fluff, slow burn (?), crazy story, a tiny tiny bit of angst.

Dinner: Chicken Stew

The sample and the buyer

She was one of those young millionaires. She had just won her first million after opening her startup with her business partner. She always dressed well, not in high heels or two-piece suits, but she owned a Gucci backpack, and his friend Jongin said it was very expensive. She also had a very expensive smartwatch and phone. But those were the only rich person thing she had. She was sweet, down to earth, funny, and very polite. She visited his small restaurant when she got her first big deal and haven't stopped coming there since then. Almost every day of the week. By herself or with her coworkers. She never ordered anything, she only told him "Give me whatever you want, I trust you" The first time she did that, he almost had a breakdown. That was way too much responsibility. It amused him that she kept doing it after becoming a regular client. Kyung Soo never asked her why she did that, he didn't have the guts. After a couple of months of serving her whatever she wanted he began cooking especially for her. He knew she liked spicy food, so he prepared a special batch from that day’s menu and added wasabi to it. He realized he liked her when he began cooking just for her. A single portion, a dish that didn't figure on that day’s menu. Maybe a dish that he wanted to try out, or maybe that day there was an especially big abalone at the market so he would buy it and cook it especially for her. One day he almost got caught. She and another two coworkers came for dinner. They asked for that day’s vegetarian menu, and she only smiled at him. She didn't have to voice her wish anymore. That day he cooked her a portion of homemade ravioli. Then another coworker arrived and asked for her dish. He panicked for a while until he found the perfect excuse "That was the last portion, sorry" That was the only close call. In general, their relationship was very business-like. They spoke on first-name basis though, but nothing more.

---

She was walking down the street with Junmyeon, looking for the best place to celebrate their first big deal with the biggest app developer of the country. They passed by several bars, but they needed more than a beer. She stopped in front of a small entry with a small but elegant sign that said, Chicken Stew. There was a nice sent coming from inside the place and it looked cozy. The thermometer outside was marking some good 2 degrees, so they got inside without thinking too much about it. Inside there was an open kitchen and some tables scattered around the place. The place was really warm, decorated with simple pieces but very assertively. There were some tables free, one of them just in front of the kitchen. She dragged Junmyeon to that table and sat down feeling excited. She wanted to celebrate with her friend and colleague but also enjoy some good food. That night they settled for a bottle of good wine and two portions of Chicken Stew. They had a small but delicious menu available at night but they settled for the Chicken Stew because it was the recommendation of the Chef, Kyung Soo.

--- Chicken Stew was Kyung Soo’s baby. At a young age, he had decided to become a chef. Not only because he wanted to cook, or because he enjoyed following recipes or coming up with his owns. He wanted to be a chef because he liked giving people food. Not only for their compliments. Watching a person sigh in happiness with the first spoon full of food, bringing spoon after spoon to their mouths too quick for their well-being was what filled him with pride. He saw his job as an art, although it could sound a little bit too full of himself it felt like art. But opening his own restaurant was an odyssey. No bank trusted a young chef. Rent was expensive and the price of kitchen supplies was only reasonable if that industrial kitchen was made of gold. It was impossible for him to open his restaurant with his savings and the money his dad could borrow him. He was about to take a job on a cruise, just so he could save money, when a friend gave him an idea. It was a new thing that had arrived in Korea, but it was already well known and popular around the world. Sperm banks. “My sister and her husband bought a sample from them, since they were having issues conceiving” His friend told him “Of course it is super secretive and all, the pay is super good, you should try it” And he did. Taking advantage of his privilege as a man. Because getting a sample wasn’t that hard, he had been getting samples since he was fourteen. The nice nurse gave him paperwork to sign, his check and a number and also made a very nice comment about his appearance and how healthy he was and how popular those kinds of samples were “Your sperm could be useful for you someday, so save this number, is the number of your sample” 1313. What a coincidence, it was the number of the place he wanted to rent, and it was perfect for his restaurant. So that morning after leaving the clinic, he went straight to the real state agency and put the deposit for his soon to be restaurant and then called his friend Jongin offering him a job.

--- Since she was a teenager, she had two dreams. Being her own boss and become a young mom. She always hated having someone telling her what to do, like everybody. And growing up with parents like hers, specifically a mother like hers, she always believed that becoming a mom before turning 30, a young mom, was the way to go. But to do that she had to become the boss first. It happened before she had planned it. She was 27 when she and Junmyeon got their first check for more money she could have ever imagine. As she put her signature on the contract she kept repeating to herself that today was day one of the quests of becoming a mom. When they entered Chicken Stew and she saw the cute chef behind the counter she thought to herself: I bet he could make some cute babies.

--- It was very amusing to her how she never considered a man on this plan of becoming a mother. In a beginning she did. But every boyfriend was a disappointment. A one-night stand could do the job, and yes she could get pregnant, but also she could get a nasty STD. She considered inviting Junmyeon into the project. And she was sure he would help her. But she felt kind of shitty offering him to be a silent partner when she knew how much he craved to have a family in the future. But he gave her an idea that she could only expect from a businessman like him “In-vitro” He said as he was munching his dessert. It was lunchtime and they were seated at the back of 'Chicken Stew'. She had already finished her fettuccini Alfredo that Kyung Soo served her and skipped dessert because she was already full “I don’t know why you haven’t thought about it already, it’s way more expensive than meeting a guy in a bar but safer” “I never planned any of this with a partner actually, if there was one, good, but if there isn’t, good too” “You don’t want to wait a little bit though? Maybe Kyung Soo grows a pair and invites you dinner one of these days” She chuckled bitterly “Bold of you to assume that I don’t see this as a dinner invitation” She gestured to the empty plate “It’s not” “It is! He cooked for me!” Her friend rolled his eyes and patted her hand condescending “Don’t do that, he is going to think we are together!” “No he won’t, I came here with a date the other day” He distracted her for a couple of minutes so he could tell her about this date, but once Jongin came to ask them if they needed something else, Junmyeon came back to the previous discussion “Look, I know that this relationship thing is not your thing, I’ve known you for years, when we were in high school I thought you were a lesbian, then I thought you were asexual until the first year of uni when you got your first boyfriend, that didn’t end up well…my point is that is not often that I see you showing interest in another human being…but also, you can’t stop your life from moving forward just to wait for a significant other” “This is all very cute, but where are you going with this” He cleaned his mouth, organizing his ideas because he was also a bit lost “My point is…I take back what I said before, get pregnant and pursue Kyung Soo, or don’t, just live your life, and if you want to become a mom right now, do it, I will support you” “I really want to be a mom” He saw her sparkling eyes “I know, you have been saying that since we were kids, so go ahead and do it, also, I know I’m your only friend so yes, I will go with you to the doctor if you need me” She thanked him, although she already knew that. When her friend left the restaurant, she stayed there looking on her computer for fertility clinics. There weren’t that many, but they all had a very good reputation. She was about to call one of the clinics when Kyung Soo interrupted her “Your friend already paid, I don’t want to bother you, but I’m about to close to prepare for dinner, but you can stay If you want” She looked around the place and noticed that she was the only one left “I’m so sorry I was so focused looking at…at something here I didn’t notice, I will be going” Kyung Soo put one hand on her shoulder stopping her from standing up, cleaning his other hand in his apron nervously “Don’t worry, you are free to stay, really is nothing, I’m going to be back there working, you can stay” “I don’t need to go to the office and I really enjoy being here, so If I’m not bothering you…I think I will stay” He didn’t answer, only smiled at her and walked back to the kitchen. She kept looking at him from her table. She always did that when she went there for lunch, especially when she was there with a big group, in that way no one would notice it. She liked how focused he was. How organized he was. During these months of eating regularly at the 'Chicken Stew' she was able to visit the kitchen twice, and she was always taken away by how clean it was, even after lunchtime. Kyung Soo was a clean man. She liked that. Also, the food was unparallel. All the flavors merged perfectly. She was sure she had tried every single dish it was there to offer and they were all amazing. Several times she went to fancy restaurants with potential business partners and the food was never as good as Kyung Soo’s food. Kyung Soo was an amazing chef. She liked that. But going to the 'Chicken Stew' was also a great experience in terms of social interaction. One time when the place was packed with people she shared a table with a man who looked a bit under the weather to say the least. His appearance wasn’t the best. One of her co-workers asked him what was going on and he opened to these three strangers “I’m pretty much homeless now, I have been leaving in a net café for two weeks now, and the little money I have I use it to pay for that place, Kyung Soo met me in a very bad situation and brought me here for food, I have been eating here for three days, I have tried to pay and he stopped me from doing so, he gave me this look…you better follow what he says” He finished with a merry laugh. Then she heard several stories like that. A high schooler who went there to eat three days a week ended up being a hard-working kid with really crappy parents. An old couple that went there every Friday were two retired who sometimes had to choose between food or medicine. All of them eating for free thanks to Kyung Soo. He was a remarkable man. She loved that. She kept looking at him as he was chopping tomatoes. There was a peace around him. She barely knew him, but she was sure Kyung Soo was an easy-going guy, trustful, competent and caring. She wanted to know him and see if she was right. She wanted to talk to him. Hear his voice. Ask what his favorite food was. Why did he become a chef? Why Chicken Stew? She had so many questions. And Kyung Soo was right there, probably feeling observed by her. She stood up and walked to the kitchen counter, knocking at the steal surface as if it was a door. He looked up fighting a smile and asked if she needed something. She asked him if they could talk. Kyung Soo felt a rush of something taking over. He knew she was coming, he hoped so after feeling observed by her for so long. He thought she wanted something else to eat, maybe the portion of Crème Brule she didn’t eat at lunch. He wasn’t expecting her to ask him to talk. He wasn’t expecting the questions. The need to know about him. He wasn’t expecting her laughs and interest. He wasn’t expecting how relaxed he felt answering her questions. He wasn’t expecting how easily he asked back. He wasn’t expecting to realize that she was maybe interested in him.

After that Kyung Soo was a little bit more open about his feelings. One time he cooked a chicken and tomatoes stew just for her and when her coworkers asked if they could have the same, he answered with the truth. He cooked that just for her, it was a personal portion. Everybody went silent and when he met her eyes, she was smiling fondly at him. He noticed once that her hair was getting on her way and she complained to her lunch mates about forgetting to bring something to hold it. And it happened often. She always found a way to fix it, a headkerchief or pencil. One day as he went with Jongin to buy something for his niece he found a cute hair tie with a cute chick on it. He bought it, ignoring Jongin when he asked him for who it was. The next day, when he brought her plate, he left the hair tie next to it. Thank god that day she came to eat by herself. He didn’t have the guts to do that with an audience. He walked away quickly and didn’t come back to her table. But a couple of minutes later Jongin came to him with a silly smile, raising a cheeky eyebrow “So the cute chick was for her?...You are so romantic…just so you know, she is wearing it” He lifted his head quickly, and saw her slurping her ramen noodles, with her hair high in a ponytail with the yellow hair tie bright on her head.

--- One Monday she didn’t come for lunch. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday passed and she didn’t come. When Friday came she asked her coworkers what happened to her. They said she was abroad because of work. Two weeks passed. He was missing her. Sighing around the restaurant, feeling weird without cooking that extra dish just for her. Jongin began to worry, bringing him his favorite coffee or taking him out during the weekends. But he was still feeling down. He missed hearing her laugh and the way she would mess with her co-workers. It was way too soon to feel lovesick. But that was exactly how he was feeling. The chick hair tie was next to the cash register waiting for its owner. Then one Friday night she arrived with Junmyeon. He had one arm around her shoulders and she looked like she had just cried. They sat at a table in front of the kitchen counter and in between sobbing she laughed happily to something he said. Kyung Soo felt a whirlpool of emotions. He was so happy to finally see her after so long. But he imagined a friendly comeback. An exchange of polite words and then he would bring her some food. But now he didn’t know what was going on. She was crying but she didn’t look sad. Her friend was beyond happy and laughed at her when she broke into tears again. And when he made eye contact with Kyung Soo, he waved at him, asking him to come closer. He felt insanely awkward standing in front of them, it was impossible to read the atmosphere there “Is everything ok?” He asked unable to hid how worried he was “Kyung Soo, everything is ok, more than ok, we came to celebrate, my friend here” His voice broke with a bit of emotion “My friend here just had a pregnancy test at the bathroom of our office and she is pregnant” She heard her squeal, hiding her face on her hands and then looked up at him. She looked so beautiful. Her face was covered in tears, yes. But she was happy. So happy he could almost see a bright shine surrounding her “You are pregnant?” He asked, not sure why. He was happy to see her so happy, but a dark sadness settled on his stomach. You need two to be pregnant. He didn’t know she had a boyfriend. Or maybe it was Junmyeon’s. “Could you bring us a bottle of champagne to celebrate? Oh, you can’t drink…well, Kyung Soo and I can drink you drink some water” Kyung Soo moved in autopilot to the kitchen and brought a bottle and champagne and one of water and three glasses to their table. Junmyeon opened said bottle and served the drinks. He was as happy as his friend, which made the theory of him being the father even more plausible. He felt like biting his head off. She grabbed her glass, took a deep breath and made a toast “This is for me, my child and his or her father…sample 1313” Kyung Soo dropped his glass to the floor. He felt their stares on him and despite knowing that he had to move he just couldn’t. 1313 was a number he was very conscious about. How much coincidence could be involved in this entire situation? Did she purchase his sample? He was brought back to life by Junmyeon patting his shoulder nervously “I guess our friend is as surprised as us…Kyung Soo are you ok?” “Yeah, yes, yes, I’m ok, Congratulations” His hand was numb, still in the air and his glass in the floor spilling wine on his black shoes. Jongin came quickly to help him clean and thanks to that he came out of his stupor. He was hating himself violently now. He made a fool of himself. There was no way he could explain this behavior. A reaction like out of a soap opera. She said she was pregnant, and he dropped his glass of wine. This was ridiculous “Sis, you said sample? What do you mean?” His beloved Jongin came to the rescue and their focus changed from him to Jongin “Oh, well you see, I really wanted to be a mom, since I’m a little girl, and I want to be a mom now that I have money and a good job and I’m young, but I lost hope in men, no offense, and I don’t have the energy to try right now, so I went to a fertility clinic and I got inseminated” Kyung Soo felt like fading. Cold sweat ran down his neck and back, there was no way this world was so small that the woman he liked got inseminated with his sample. No way. There was absolutely no way. Life couldn’t be this…bizzare. “Sis, and your sample is number 1313? As the number of our restaurant?” She looked at Junmyeon nervously looking for help “That is a huge coincidence right?” He tried to help with something that was believable “It was a good sample” She commented with almost a whisper. This sample talking was making her very uncomfortable, especially with these friends by proxy. Jongin smiled at her and took a long step, reaching for her with his arms, hugging her “I’m very happy for you sis, I hope you have a beautiful and healthy child” She hugged him back because his bear hug was too good not to answer it. Kyung Soo was outraged. Not because his best friend was hugging the woman he liked. He was shocked because now he had to hug her too. It would be awful if he just stood there. And there is no such thing as a congratulatory handshake to someone who announced her pregnancy, which will also disarm him. Jongin let go of her, holding to her hand patting it caringly and turned around sending him a wink. He was going to chop him to pieces later. Kyung Soo dried his hands on his apron and went to hug her. He didn’t know how it looked for the rest, but for him, it was an amazing hug. There were approximately two steps separating them. She took one and he followed. She raised her arms to his shoulders and he went for her waist, circling his arms around her pulling her softly against him. She rested her chin on his shoulder and sighed contently. Her hair tickled his nose, making him smile. He took a deep breath and said what he really wanted to say “I’m very happy for you, you should do want you want, and I’m glad one of your dreams is coming true” He rubbed her back and his head was shouting at him that the hug was long enough, but she wasn’t letting him go. So he didn’t either “Thank you Kyung Soo” She said, patting his back and cuddling deeper in his arms. She opened her eyes and saw Jongin exchanging stares with Junmyeon. They were both holding their laughs and being all giddy, Jongin clapping his hands silently and Junmyeon covering his mouth with both hands. Just then she realized what was she doing. She really didn’t want to let him go. He felt so warm and solid between her arms. He smelled amazing, a mixture of his perfume and the smells of his kitchen. His arms were strong but held her tenderly. His chest vibrated against hers when he spoke, and his words resonated on her ears. His voice sounded different, and the tone of his words was new to her. He sounded happy, yes, but there was a melancholy behind them. She didn’t want to let him go. And when she felt him move she could only tight her embrace. Could she start blaming the pregnancy for this? Pregnant women were…emotional, right? Her friend and Jongin kept sharing silly smiles and her long-time friend began making signals to cut it, mouthing “enough, enough” She jerked, waking up from her dreamy moment and let go of him, sliding her hands down her shoulders and arms. He held to her hands like Jongin did and sputtered “I hope you have a peaceful and healthy pregnancy too” “We can help you with that, right chef? Bring us what the nutritionist recommends and he will cook it for you” Jongin assured sweetly. She thanked him but made sure to take pressure away from him. Kyung Soo didn’t let her finish “I would be glad to help you with that” She smiled delighted, feeling a bit guilty, but not surprised by his words. That was the kind of man he was “Ok, can we eat now? I’m very hungry and we have to celebrate” “Jongin and I were about to close the kitchen, but we have some food left, we will prepare something fast and bring it to you” “Thank you, you two should join us” Jongin was about to answer, thrilled with the idea, but he stopped him by pinching his waist “We need to clean and prepare some things for tomorrow, but thank you for the invitation” He grabbed Jongin’s upper arm and pulled him to the kitchen “Hyung, hyung! What are you doing?” He complained on their way to the kitchen. He pulled him to the cleaning station that was away from the eating area and stood in front of him with his hands on his hips “Do you hate me? Do you want me dead?” “No, no, why are you asking me that?” “Why did you do that?!” Jongin was frowning in confusion, and he knew that he didn’t do anything wrong, he was just a warm person, but he needed to blame someone now and vent a little bit “Why did you hug her?” Jongin’s face changed from confusion to understanding and a mocking grin took over his face “No, is not what you are thinking” Kyung Soo predicted “Since you hugged her I had to hug her too!” “So?” “So?! You know how I feel about her, that was the hardest thing I had to do, hug her and let…and let her go, and then you offered myself to cook for her” “Hyung, I was doing you a favor there, you were considering doing that anyway weren’t you?” Kyung Soo snarled and walked past him into the kitchen. He couldn’t stand another word from Jongin. He was too right. And it annoyed him. The night was cold and he was especially tired that day. Jongin’s steps were longer than his in their way to the flat they shared. He liked it like that, it gave him a bit of privacy. He was feeling like crap. On one side he was thrilled for her pregnancy. Because if she was happy he was too. He was sad she didn’t wait for him. But what saddened and terrified him the most was the possibility that sample 1313 was his sample. He felt guilty for not telling her, but also selfish because why did she need to know, the whole thing of going for the insemination was keeping this between her and her child. No man in between. He was terrified of the future, what if she began bringing her child to the restaurant, what was he going to do? And he couldn’t avoid feeling happy, he wasn't bothered by the idea of having a kid with her. There were way too many emotions swimming around his head and chest, he felt like crying “Kyung Soo, Do you care if she is pregnant?” Jongin asked stopping on his steps, but not turning around “Jongin” He called his friend, almost in tears. Jongin turned around alarmed “What? what is it? Don’t be sad hyung” His friend was pouting, rubbing Kyung Soo’s shoulders. Kyung Soo felt great relief when he could finally share what was hunting him “Jongin, I think that baby is mine” Jongin’s eyes went as big and round as the moon that night. After talking with his friend Kyung Soo went to his bed not bothering with taking a shower. The energy to be a functional human just wasn’t there. He lied in bed for hours thinking about her. About her happy tears and her warm hug. How he didn’t know too much about her but his feelings were still strong. He hadn’t exchanged a lot of words with her, but he has seen her through the eyes of the people around her. Her co-workers would talk about her a lot during lunch when she wasn’t there. Only words of care and admiration. About her tolerance, how open she was to share her time and knowledge, how good she was putting down small fires, but they never saw her raise her voice or being disrespectful. He also knew about her strength. How brave she was. How formidable she was. A woman who is successful before her thirties and just goes for what she wants, like becoming a single mother, for example, is a woman who behaves like no one. She doesn’t care what others can think. He always liked women like that. He never wanted to be a prince. He wanted to be a comrade in arms.

---

With all the commotion from last night, with her telling Kyung Soo and Jongin about her pregnancy, then hugging Kyung Soo for what felt like an hour and still, it wasn’t enough and then celebrating with her friend, she forgot a very important thing. She was only one month pregnant, and she wished to keep this as a secret until the three-month barrier. She went for lunch with almost all her workers and she was afraid that Jongin or Kyung Soo could make a comment, so she dashed to the front of the kitchen and found them mumbling in a corner, Jongin appeared to be comforting Kyung Soo. She called them so she could talk to them. They both looked at her with wide eyes and Jongin was the only one who could compose himself and come to her “Good afternoon! What is it sis?” She bowed at them and spoke in a hurry “You guys are the only ones who know about my pregnancy, could you keep it a secret from everyone please”

“Yes, of course, don’t worry, are you ok?” “Never been better, thank you” Jongin smiled at her warmly “Is he ok?” She whispered as she saw Kyung Soo walk out of the kitchen “Yes, I mean, he is very tired, but just that, you know business owner and suppliers, paying bills…is very hard, but he will manage, thank you for worrying” She was very worried indeed. She didn’t know Kyung Soo was having a hard time. It was stupid of her not to think that it was hard. He just never showed it. He always looked so stoic that someone could easily forget what he was going through. During lunch she tried to talk to him, but he was busy serving. He didn’t meet her eyes either.

She convinced Junmyeon to go to Chicken Stew for dinner “I was planning on going to the gym” “Why? What could you do at the gym? You are already in shape” He rolled his eyes at her and decided to come with her, he never once said no to her. Neither she “You wanna go see Kyung Soo?” “He was so weird today, he looked distressed and didn’t talk to me once, he was avoiding me” “You think you freaked him out with that hug you gave him” No. No, she didn’t. But know that her friend said it, she felt panic crippling up her back “Oh god, I fucked it up, didn’t I?” His friend was quick to calm her down “No, I was just kidding, he was super into the hug, ask Jongin, you both disconnected from this world, come on, you must have felt it” Her nose crinkled, smiling coyly “I did, you think he likes me” “Ok, let’s stop there, what if it is true, he likes you…so, what are you going to do?” “What should I do?” He looked at her frowning “Friking confess you idiot, or better, wait until you are 8 months pregnant and you can go rolling to his restaurant and ask him for a date” She kicked his shin and when he crunched down to rub the place where she hit him, she slapped his head “I’m being serious! Don’t mess with me!” “I’m not! Confess, what’s the worst thing that could happen uh?” “I feel like the stats are not on my side right now, I could wait a bit more” Junmyeon was going to answer back when his phone buzzed. His cheeks went rose with a smile as he picked up. She knew that face. She was about to go for dinner by herself “Is the girl from the other day?” She inquired with her hands on her hips, he nodded his cheeks still glowing “Ok, go, but if this is serious you better introduce her to me quickly, I don’t want jealous girlfriends” He hugged her quickly and walked away telling her to text him when she gets home. She kept walking, with the intention of still going to Chicken Stew, but her plans changed when she arrived at the restaurant. Through the big window, she could see that the place was full. There was a seat available in the counter in front of the kitchen, but something else stopped her from going inside. Kyung Soo. He was very busy attending tables and serving the dishes. She didn’t want to bother him with conversation. And if he was still tired or in a bad mood, she didn’t want to annoy him. But in reality, it wasn’t just about him. She didn’t want to see him ignoring her and being so weirdly cold towards her like that afternoon. It affected her more than she dared to recognize.

She made sure to go with company every time she went for lunch. In that way, she was busy with work talk rather than looking at Kyung Soo. Winding her head with ways to talk to him about more than what was she going to eat or if she wanted coffee or tea. She wanted to ask him how he was doing. She could ask Jongin, they were close enough to do that. But he was busy all the time. It was Friday, and at lunchtime, she asked Jongin what was the menu for dinner “We are not opening at night today, hyung as something to do at the kitchen” It was clear that Jongin didn’t know how to lie. He was too pure for that. But she acted as she believed him. Curiosity was killing her. She wanted to know why he was lying. That day she left work late. She had a ton of codding to do and she hated doing that at home. Especially now that pregnancy was begging to affect her energy. The office was for working and her house was for sleeping. If she was lucky she was going to be able to catch the last bus. She still had an hour left so she walked to the stop slowly, enjoying the autumn wind. When she passed by 'Chicken Stew' she noticed that the lights of the kitchen were on. She looked inside but couldn’t see anyone and the front door was closed. She walked around the building and found the back door slightly ajar. There was a murmur like music coming from the inside and a low voice singing along. The words sounded a bit slurred but the voice was beautiful. It was clear that no one had broke in to steal anything. She opened the door slowly and let herself in. This was her first time in his kitchen and it was incredibly intimidating. She walked slowly, deeper into the kitchen, looking around, her eyes and ears very aware of her surroundings. She called his name once but no one answered. The voice was still singing. She tried again and this time the music went off and so did the beautiful voice. Someone called her name. It was Kyung Soo. She walked around one of the kitchen counters and found him seating in the floor with an empty bottle of wine next to him and a couple of beer cans. His eyes told her something for sure. He was drunk. He called her name again and followed with a smile “You are here” He said entertained “How are you?” “Better than you I think, Kyung Soo…are you ok?” He shook his head and released a long breath “I’m not ok, I’m not ok at all” She kneeled down next to him, not sure of what to do or say, but at least she could give him some company in his drunkness “Are you having problmes?” “Yes, a huge one” “Can I help you with it?” He shook his head again, looking at his hands “Is there anything I can do to help you? She insisted and waited a bit for his answer. He went silent, but his breathing and the way his shoulders moved told her that he was crying. She didn’t want to intrude so she just waited for him “There is something you can do…please don’t hate me” “Why would I hate you?” Her hand reached for his shoulder rubbing it “Because I’m…I just…I feel horrible, I shouldn’t tell you but at the same time, I can’t keep quiet, no when I imagine a future with you every night before I go to sleep, no when I can only imagine all the things that I want to cook for you and only for you” He was whimpering, cleaning his tears with clumsy hands. She didn’t know what to say, she was frozen in the spot. She couldn’t believe her ears. He was confesing. Drunk and between tears “Kyung Soo, why are you like this? What is this thing you want to tell me?” “You are pregnant, and you decided to get inseminated for a reason…and I understand, I really do, we are useless, women don’t need us to raise their kids, and if you were another woman I would just keep quite, but I like you and I want to be with you but…I can’t be with you with this secret, this lie hunting me” There was no logical answer in her head to what was going on right now. Her brain was split between trying to understand what had him so sad, process the fact that he said he liked her and what was this secret “Before you say anything let’s sober up a little bit ok? I don’t care what you have to say to me, if you say it drunk you are going to regret it and it could be harder for me to understand, stand up and let me give you some water and a cup of coffee” She tried to lift him holding his arm but he pulled away from her “I’m so sorry, forgive me please” “Kyung Soo, please come with me and sober up so we can talk ok?” “Your baby” He began and a part of her reacted like a lion feeling attacked. Why was he talking about her baby? “Your child, you wanted to do this by yourself, you went to a clinic and you bought a sample, but this damn fucking world is so small…you had to go and buy from the bank where I sold my sperm right? 1313…why did you have to choose that sample? Tell me, why did you?” “I just liked the description of the donor and…it’s the number of your restaurant” He cursed under his breath, chuckling humorlessly “Yes, it is, the sample 1313 was mine” “Kyung Soo…” “I checked, I thought it could be a huge coincidence, but is not, I’m sample 1313, I’m so sorry” She stood up. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. This was too messed up. Kyung Soo hid his face on his hands, still sobbing. She didn’t have anything to do there. There was nothing they could do or say now. He was too drunk, and she was too shocked. She walked away, feeling horribly bad to leave him there like that, but she was incapable of doing anything, for him or for her. On her way out she ran into Jongin. They didn’t exchange a word, it wasn’t necessary. He got it immediately. She was thankful that Kyung Soo wasn’t going to be alone.

---

Only a few times before Kyung Soo felt so helpless. This was probably the third time he got this drunk. First time when he broke up with his first girlfriend, the second time when his restaurant almost goes bankrupt and now this. The worst thing was that drunkenness never took his memories away. So he remembered everything that happened that night at his kitchen. Her worry, his bitter tears, every word he said, her face of horror and the sound of her heels walking away. He felt his chest torn apart when she left. Jongin came to his rescue, but what else could he do. There weren’t enough words of support, who could know how to act in this situation when it was such a bizarre one?

As he suspected, the next week she didn’t come to the restaurant. He waited for her at lunch and dinner but she didn’t appear. He wasn’t planning on going out of the kitchen if she actually went there, but just knowing that she was eating was enough. Only her coworkers came. Junmyeon didn’t appear either. Jongin asked what happened to their coworkers and they told him he was very busy and their other boss was sick. That was the worst answer they could give him. Was she really sick? If so, how sick? Was the pregnancy? Or what he told her stressed her and was now affecting her pregnancy? The worry kept getting into his nerves to the point that he had to throw away a whole pot of pure because he used sugar instead of salt.

After a week of anguish, Junmyeon appeared at lunchtime. He was about to close and there was only one portion left, hers. He greeted him warmly and sat at the kitchen counter “Sorry for coming too late” He told him, but he wasn’t only talking about the closing time “Don’t worry, I have a portion of Chicken Stew for you” “Perfect” Junmyeon waited for his plate and noticed Kyung Soo moving around nervously. He knew what happened that night in the kitchen. She called him first thing in the morning to tell him. It was a situation he couldn’t quite understand. But he did understand how weird and complicated it was. He wasn’t a cruel man. He wasn’t going to wait for his question, he knew how hard could be for him to ask “She has a lot of morning sickness everything she eats gives her nausea so I told her to stay at home” Kyung Soo left his plate on front of him and rested his hands on the counter, letting his head fall. He looked tired, but his shoulders looked relaxed, just a tiny bit. He turned around without saying a word and began washing rice and asked Jongin to peel some veggies. He was cooking for her. Junmyeon felt relieved all of a sudden. He wasn’t sure why he just thought about what a great man he was. Before he was done with his lunch, Kyung Soo had already packed a big portion of rice porridge and steamed vegetables “Could you send her this?” “Sure, I’m going to visit her today, but can we talk?” Kyung Soo sat in front of him, he already knew what he wanted to talk about. He knew Junmyeon was to her what Jongin was for him. He probably knew everything “She told me about the sample thing” “It’s that why she isn't coming?” “Part of it” He decided to be honest with him. He knew his friend and he needed some help “I can’t believe I told her that during those circumstances” “There are things you can’t say sober” He smiled, trying to make him feel better, and Kyung Soo smiled back, but it was clear he was just being polite “How is she?” “Very confused as you must be” “Is she coming back? Is she going to come here again to have lunch?” If his friend didn’t marry Kyung Soo someday, he was willing to do so. He deserved everything anyone could give him “Of course, yes, just give her some time, you use this time too so you can both decide what to do” “Yes, ok…just, could you tell her…I don’t know what I want to tell her” “Don’t say anything, I will give her the food and then when you are both ready you can talk” He didn’t know where all this maturity came from, but he could see Kyung Soo was feeling better, and maybe latter his friend would feel better too “Yes, that’s the best thing to do, thank you” “Don’t worry, and Kyung Soo, this doesn’t have to be too complicated ok? It wasn’t even an accident, it was just destiny” He felt unbelievable thankful for Junmyeon’s words. The least he could do was giving him that meal for free.

---

The next week she didn’t appear either. But this time Junmyeon made sure to tell him that she was better, but the doctor recommended full rest for some signs of miscarriage. Kyung Soo panicked. Jongin held his arm just in case “She is fine, don’t worry, the doctor said it was common, she would be able to come to work next week, please don’t worry, are you ok?” Kyung Soo sat down next to him rubbing his legs and fumbling with his fingers “That caught me unprepared” “I’m being honest Kyung Soo, she is fine now and the baby too, she is just being extra careful” “It’s just…I realized something just now” “Great, that’s good, what did you realize?” He looked at him and Junmyeon knew that this was the line he couldn’t cross. This wasn’t his business anymore. He took back is question. Kyung Soo wasn’t able to sleep well that Sunday. He knew on Monday she will be back at work and back at his restaurant. This was one of those situations where he really wanted to see her but was terrified to do it. He informed Jongin that he wasn’t going to open the restaurant for dinner time. He gave him his silent support and went back to work. The rush hour at lunchtime passed and she didn’t appear. Neither her coworkers so maybe there was something going on at the office. 30 minutes before closing time, they appeared. Junmyeon, the other coworkers and at the tail of the group, her. Jongin helped them put together two tables so they could all sit together and as he did so she walked to the kitchen counter rubbing her hands together and bowing at him. He looked over her shoulder and saw Junmyeon and Jongin standing together looking at them as if they were watching a suspense movie “How are you feeling?” He asked “I’m better now, Junmyeon told me you are aware of what was happening to me, were you worried?” Her voice was soft, filled with uncertainty as if she didn’t know how to talk to him “I was so worried…could we…could we met today so we can talk?” “Yes, sure, of course, I…when? Where?” “Come here when you are done with your work…could you?” “Yes, of course, I will be here around seven” Kyung Soo felt happy for the first time in weeks. Of course, he was still terrified but he could tell she wasn’t mad at him or distant. Her coworkers called her, so she bowed at him and went to heir table. They didn’t talk again after that.

She was punctual, she counted the seconds until it was time to meet him. She didn’t know what would come out from this. She was sure of what she wanted though. A solution for all this. Kyung Soo was waiting for her in front of the restaurant. This was the first time she saw him wearing street clothes. As expected, it was very simple. Dark jeans and a sweater. Stylish sneakers and his signature glasses. He looked very handsome. They greeted politely and Kyung Soo invited her to a coffee a couple of blocks down the streets. He made sure she was comfortable with walking “Is not as terrible as Junmyeon told you” She tried to give him some peace “I had some pain and a bit of bleeding, I went to the doctor immediately and they gave me medicine and whatnots, I spend two days in the hospital just so the baby could be safe and then at was back at home, is very common” “You must have been very scared” How could he know? She made sure to speak nonchalantly, trying to hide how badly that memory made her feel. She was very scared indeed, she was terrified of losing her child “Yes, I was, but I’m ok now, don’t worry” They walked in silence to the coffee shop and Kyung Soo guided her to a private booth. He thought the couch was better to seat down that a wood chair and it was way warmer there. They asked for two cups of tea nothing to eat, she was afraid food could give her nausea and ruin this moment. The cups arrived and the silence was about to swallow them both. Kyung Soo decided to act like an adult, speak with the truth and be honest, especially to himself “I’m so sorry for what happened” “For what are you apologizing? the sample mishap or the drunkenness” She ended with a smile, an honest smile from ear to ear. He giggled and rubbed his neck still embarrassed but not scared anymore “Because let me tell you, you shouldn’t apologize for neither of them” “I shouldn’t have said that drunk, it was so disrespectful” “Thanks to that bottle of wine you opened up to me sooner” She wasn’t wrong “And I prefer it like that…about the sample, it was a coincidence” “Would you have preferred for me to shut up about it” “No, no, I would have hated that, you were right, if we think about a future together, there can’t be a secret like that between us…I don’t think you would have been able to live peacefully holding that to yourself” Kyung Soo felt something like a wrecking ball hitting his stomach “You think about that future too?” She didn’t notice she was recognizing her feelings, she should have prepared for this talk in advance “I do…I like you too, I like you a lot…but the future that worries me right now is the one I’m going to live in 7 months” “I understand that” “Is not that you are not a priority or less important, but…our circumstances right now are complicated” Kyung Soo lowered his stare, looking at his hands organizing what he wanted to say. He wanted to be very clear “I like you too, you already know that, but there are two things between us, the love we feel for each other, and your child and I don’t want to say our child because that would be incredibly rude, I was never part of this equation, as you said, it was a mishap, but that doesn’t take the fact that…I can’t even say it because is not my place, but I want you to know that I would follow whatever decision you make because I’m ready for all the possibilities” “If I tell you that I want you to be the father and take your place in this equation, would you do it?” “Yes” They weight of his answer felt heavy on her chest “I had my doubts before, but when Junmyeon told me about the miscarriage symptoms…I feared for your child” He was still refusing to use the word our. She took her time before saying something. She believed him, but it felt rushed. She wasn’t yet clear with her desition and she was the mother. Kyung Soo couldn't be clearer either. It was so unfair for him. Of course, he would take his place of a father because he was the best human out there, but she always felt like motherhood was natural and fatherhood was a bit of an imposition. It sounded messed up, but that’s how she felt growing up “I don’t want you to make that decision just yet…this is not the optimal circumstance, you just needed the money, I wanted a child, we are in extreme opposites, so I don’t want you to feel forced to do this just because is what your values dictate to you” He made the intent to interrupted her but she stopped him “And I know that you could be driven by your feelings, but is still too soon, we are not even dating” He swallowed thickly. Deep down he felt like this wasn’t going the way he hoped for “As for us…I don’t think is fair for you to date me now” “why would you say that?” She chuckled bitterly “Because I’m pregnant Kyung Soo, the me you will encounter now is different, my mood is going to be weird as hell, my body will change, and I’m not going to be able to give you all my attention” He called her name sweetly “I’m not a child that wants your constant attention” “We don't know that” She joked and they finally laughed together, after a long time of tension “But I understand you…I said this before, it’s your decision “ “If we don’t date, would you still be there, I feel selfish asking you to wait for me…but would you wait for me?” “I was going to do it even if you didn’t ask for it” She felt all shy and giddy, he was so sweet and so good with his words. She felt like lying on the floor and rolling around “How much do you want me involved?” He asked with a tiny bit of confidence “As much as you feel comfortable” “That’s a very open answer” “Is the one I can give you now” Kyung Soo reached across the table and held her hand “Let’s not take more decision for now and let’s see with time, maybe you don’t want me at all or maybe you want my constant company” “Kyung Soo, that’s unfair” She felt like she was using him “It’s not, I’m comfortable like that too, I don’t want to force myself into you…but I have confidence that we will make it through” He squeezed her hand and she put her other hand on top of his “I hope you don’t think I’m not sure about my feeling for you, because I am, especially now, I just think…” “You are being careful, I can understand that…I’m just glad you are not pushing me away” “I’m glad too” The tea went cold as they kept holding hands, talking and trying to reassure each other feelings. She wanted to stay there longer, but he insisted that it was too late, and she needed to go home and rest. She didn’t resist, she liked how he cared for her. The third month passed by and her doctor told her that she was risk-free now. The symptoms weren’t as terrible as before. The nausea went away. But her digestive system was a mess. She never commented this to Kyung Soo, but it was clear that he had made some research because now he was cooking exclusively for her and the menu was fourth month of pregnancy friendly. Her constipation was almost under control and heartburn was a story from the past. One day she thanked him for it and his only answer was “I know how to take care of you” She played his words over her head for the rest of the week. It wasn’t as horrible as she thought it would be. Junmyeon’s new girlfriend was a gift from heaven. She took her out to buy new underwear since her boobs refused to settle in her old bras and would call her asking if she needed girl help wish was code for, help with anything that could make Junmyeon uncomfortable. She thanked every day for the teacher that sat them together in middle school which was the spark that developed their friendship. He was the brother she never had and the support she needed these days. She was so glad that his girlfriend understood their dynamics. Kyung Soo had nothing to envy from her childhood friend. They met during lunch and dinner, and he always took the time to talk to her and he never treated her like a sick person. Not like some of her coworkers. He just wanted to know if she needed something, what the doctor said and how she was feeling. She felt very tired all the time, and there were mornings that she just couldn’t get up. The changes in her blood flow made her feel dizzy most mornings. During those days she would work from home and every time at lunchtime a deliver guy will bring her food. A taste of the food told her that it was Kyung Soo’s. It began with him sending him lunch to her house whenever she didn’t go to work. But then, lunch began arriving at her office. She let it happen twice until she had a talk with him “Why did you do that?” He was chopping carrots as they were talking at the kitchen “Doctor said you shouldn't walk too much” “That's true, but is like a five-minute walk from my office to here and I use the elevator, I think stairs are my real enemies” “There are stairs over there” he pointed at the street were in fact she had to walk down three steps. She rolled her eyes following him around the kitchen “If I can make your life easier…” “And I'm thankful, but maybe... I want to come here to see you” He came to a sudden halt and she collided with him. He grabbed her by her arms just in case “Oh... You do?” “Yeah” He looked down at his hands holding her and let her go. She liked how he touched her and helped her out of reflex “Ok, sorry” “Don't apologize, I really really appreciate it, but for now is not really necessary, maybe when I go with maternity leave” He held his hand up, waiting for a handshake “Deal, but at least can I invite you lunch?” “No way Kyung Soo” “Come on!” She rested her hands on her hips and Kyung Soo could already recognize that as a sign that there was no place for debate “I can pay for my food, I would rather you invite that plate of food to someone who really needs it, like you have been doing so far” His eyebrows showed his surprise “How do you know about that?” “It was a secret?” “No, but it isn’t common knowledge either” “I spoke with several people who have been eating here for free, is one of the reasons I like you” Since that serious talk at the coffee shop, they never addressed their feeling again. It was both embarrassing and a bit unnecessary for now. Her confession there was a slip of the tongue. She didn’t regret it though. She knew her confession could make him happy. His bright smile told her so “I wanted to own my business so I could do that” He confessed, walking away from her, a bit shy. She followed him again, eager to know more about it. That afternoon she stayed with him as he prepared something for tomorrow's lunch. That afternoon he confessed that he has been cooking especially for her since they met. She wanted to stand up and kiss him, but she got dizzy again.

---

It was killing her not knowing if she was having a boy or a girl. It didn’t dictate what things she bought in terms of clothing or toys, but she wanted to imagine her child. Start dreaming about the exciting future with her or him. Her next visit to the doctor would be the one that would tell her. She was finally in her 5th month. Her tummy was bigger now, her pants were already a bit uncomfortable so she began using dresses and skirts. She began feeling little butterflies in her stomach, in a beginning she thought it was because of Kyung Soo, but she read somewhere that it was the baby moving. The symptoms weren’t too terrible, the dizziness was the only thing left. And she finally had big girl boobs. Her new bras were no good anymore. Yes, they hurt a bit, but she had a cleavage now. She took the day off that day. More like Junmyeon forbid her from going to work so she could have a calm day and then they could celebrate if he was going to have a niece or nephew.

--- Kyung Soo woke up from a horrible nightmare with his heart in his throat. In the dream, he saw her and her child inside a glass case. He could see them but they didn’t see him. She was holding her child, but she didn’t look happy. She looked distressed and tired. The baby was sleeping but suddenly jolted in her arms and began crying. She did her best to stop her child from crying, but nothing happened. The baby was turning red and the sound was louder and louder. He wanted to help them. He felt that he could calm the baby. He wanted to take her child in his arms just so she could rest for a little bit, but he couldn’t touch them. He began banging the glass, looking for an opening but the more he hit, the thicker became the glass. He woke up with the sound of his alarm. He couldn’t stop thinking about the dream for the rest of the morning. He was outside his restaurant talking with the guys who brought him the vegetables for the week when Junmyeon walked to him, just to say hi, he was on his way to their office. He immediately asked for her, no shame “I told her not to come to work today, she as a doctor appointment at 10:00” That was in two hours “Ok, then I should send it to her house” “Don’t worry, she normally eats out when she has a checkup…oh! She is very excited because today she will know if it is a girl or a boy” He told him as he walked away in a hurry. Kyung Soo felt for the first time like he needed to be there. He wanted to be there. Of course, it had to do with the nightmare he had that night, but if the dream was a premonitory one, it was clear the glass walls represented himself. He was the one building them and staying away when in reality he wanted to be there. He wanted to know if they were having a girl or a boy. That was the first time he allowed himself to think about an us. He kept repeating to himself that If she needed him, he would go to her. He didn’t even have her personal number, just her secretary’s. Jongin hated that “Hyung, that’s so stupid, I have your number and we are not in love nor I’m expecting your baby, but we are friends, that’s why I have your number saved” He knew his friend was right, but the more he controlled himself, the more comfortable he felt. So he didn’t ask for her number. And she didn’t give it to him. In fact, he got the number of her office from a business card she gave him when she went to Chicken Stew for the first time. But now he wanted to talk to her, he wanted to go to her. He needed to do so. But his stupid self-control was too strong, so he went inside the kitchen ready to start cooking for that day's lunch. Jongin arrived a couple of minutes later merry as always “I met with sis at the subway, she was on her way to the doctor, hyung! Did you know? Today they are going to tell her the sex of the baby, she looked so happy! Although I was wondering, is it safe for her to use the subway?” He was too focused on Jongin’s words to notice that his hand was too close to the skillet, the burn in the palm of his hand woke him up from his long-time delusion that he didn’t need to be there. Instead of applying cold to his hand he took off his apron and began giving instructions to a very confused Jongin “Put everything in the freezer, make sure everything is off and close the restaurant for the day” “Where are you going?” “To see her” he shouted over his shoulder as he walked out the back door. He reached the main street and panicked for a second. What to do now? He had no idea where her doctor was, what her number was. He knew where she lived but it was too late. Her office. Junmyeon could help him. This wasn’t his first time there, so he walked inside Junmyeon’s office quickly, not caring about manners. He didn’t even greet him “I need her number?” “Fucking finally” Junmyeon chuckled a bit exasperated, scribbling the 9 numbers he knew by memory. He gave him the piece of paper and said nothing else, only wished him good luck. On his way out he called her, feeling his heartbeat on his throat. She picked up, her voice doubtful and when he identified himself, she went silent. So he didn’t lose more time. He asked her where she was, she said she was at the bank. She also told him what he already knew. She didn’t comment about what was going to happen in that appointment, but he could hear the excitement in her voice “Can I go with you?” He asked, making sure his voice sounded sure and decided. She didn’t answer immediately which took away some of the confidence he was trying to develop “Are you sure? You don't need to do this” “I do, I need to, May I go?” She chuckled in disbelief “I will love it” Kyung Soo released the breath he was holding, and almost felt like his knees would give up. She wanted him there “I will meet you at the hospital ok?” He stopped a taxi and told the driver the address she had just gave him over the phone.

She sat at the waiting room close to the entrance so Kyung Soo could spot her easily. It wasn’t too crowded, but it helped her with her anxiety. Ten minutes after she arrived, Kyung Soo appeared at the entrance, looking at his phone. He was probably going to call her so she called him instead. He lifted his head confused and when he saw her his smile gave her so much happiness and made her felt so relieved that she had to stand up and met him halfway “Why did you get up? Come here” He locked arms with her and walked her to a line of seats that was empty. She was terrified of uncomfortable silence so she made sure to act normal, as normal as this whole situation can be “How did you get my number?” “I went to your office, and your friend gave it to me” He answered avoiding her eyes looking around with curiosity. She had so many questions. Why the sudden change? Why that day and not yesterday or tomorrow? She was afraid of asking and when she did, her voice was low and shaky “Why are you here Kyung Soo?” He finally looked at her, he was as nervous as she was, but in his eyes, she could see determination “I came because I want to tell you that I want to be here” He grabbed her hand softly, something he hadn’t done since that day they confessed, and they both craved madly “I need to be here, May I accompany you from now on, I know you can and will do all this by yourself, but I can’t” His voice loose strength by the end of the sentence, she didn’t want him to lose confidence or braveness regarding them, so she lain closer to him and kiss him on his cheek, and held there for a while giving him some warmth, clasping his hand harder. She heard him hold his breath for a second and then relax into her. She moved apart a couple of centimeters and whispered a thank you. She had a lot more to say, but this wasn’t the moment. The waiting room of a hospital wasn’t the place either. He looked bemused, but a smile was pulling the corner of his lips “That means I can stay right?” “I really want you to stay” “Great…um…when is your appointment” She looked at her watch, not letting go of his hand “In 30 minutes” “We arrived quite early…are you nervous?” She only nodded, her stare lost ahead. This was something she couldn’t get use to. The fear before every doctor's appointment. She always feared that her doctor would tell her something terrible about her baby. But in the past, her fear showed through locking herself in the bathroom with nausea or dizziness, breathing in and out just to try to calm herself down. She always went by herself. She began this by herself and was planning on finishing it like that. She never complained about the tiny panic attack she got before every appointment. And obviously she didn’t even dare to imagine Kyung Soo giving her company during those times. She should have suspected that his presence would bring some peace. She was still scared, but not terrified. His hand holding hers was warm, soft and it kept her distracted from whatever fear was dancing around her head. Maybe if she was closer he could take away all of the fears. So she moved closer to him resting her head on his shoulder. She thought it could catch him by surprise but on the contrary, he arranged his body so she could rest her head comfortably “Kyung Soo, Why did you call it Chicken Stew?” She needed a distraction for the next thirty minutes, and Kyung Soo was always a great one “Several reasons, it was the first dish I learned how to cook, it’s also my brother’s favorite, all my friends say it’s my best dish and is a dish that is always delicious” “Like your restaurant” “I hope that's the case” She lifted her head, resting her chin on his shoulder “It is, your food is amazing” He thanked her, scratching the back of his ear nervously “You think the baby will be a chef?” Since he was here, wishing to be part of this, they could start thinking about their kid “I doubt it, I don't think babies can cook, but in the future, who knows” That was what she needed, an explosive laugh, an almost howl that made breathing hard for her, harder than normally “You liked that one?” He asked giggling through his nose “That was so funny, I imagined a baby with your cool apron and a knife” She had to cover her mouth not to bother the other people in the waiting room “My apron is cool?” Not cool, sexy, she thought but kept it to herself.

Her doctor congratulated her on her healthy gain weight and for the good numbers on her exams. She asked all the questions related to her symptoms and then invited her to lay in the bed so they could use the ultrasound “Doctor, before we start, can I go and call my…friend that’s waiting outside” She gave her a signal to go ahead and she opened the door nervously. She asked Kyung Soo to wait for her until she would call him. The conversations between her and her doctor were always way too graphic and she didn’t want Kyung Soo to hear them. But the ultrasound part was different. She wanted him there. He was standing with his hands on his pockets, some tension in his shoulders that could easily translate as nervousness. She called his name softly and he turned around, and with quick steps got inside the doctor's office. He greeted the doctor extremely politely and she invited him to sit next to her. As the doctor prepared her things, she reached for Kyung Soo wrist but he held her hand instead “Are you nervous?” He asked her again, but she was sure he was the only one nervous here. And with good reason, this was going to be the first time seeing their child. She said she was nervous, and asked him back “I think I’m going to fade, I’m so nervous” They laughed together and for the first time she felt completely relaxed at the doctor’s office. “Is he your partner?” The doctor asked as she poured the cold gel in her tummy “No, but he is the father of the baby” The doctor turned to Kyung Soo with a bright smile “Oh, then congratulations father of the baby... Although I thought this was an insemination... “ She stopped her so she wouldn’t ruin the moment “It's a long story” From now on that was the sentence he would use whenever someone asked what was her relationship with Kyung Soo “And we don't have a lot of time, I’m glad he is here, let's get to business” The doctor commented and held the probe against her skin. They both held their breaths until the doctor could get a clear image of the baby “So, we always say, it’s a boy if we see turtle and a girl if we see three lines, and in this case” She elongated the last sound as the image of their baby became clearer “We got three lines, you are having a girl” She began pressing buttons on the machine. And gave them some time to take it in. She looked at Kyung Soo but he didn’t meet her eyes. His eyes were stuck on the screen in front of him as the image of their baby kept moving on the screen. Now the image was clearer, head, hands, legs and arms, you could almost see her profile. She saw herself on him, in awe with what was happening. She was sure that for him now everything was clearer. It was like that for her. The moment she saw her baby for the first time was the moment she realized that she had made the right choice. He was probably feeling the same “Her size is right, organs on point, amniotic fluid and placenta are great, that’s all we have for now, a very healthy girl, is that what you were hoping for?” She always said that she would be happy with either, but deep down, or maybe not that deep, she hoped for a girl “Yes, actually, I wanted a girl” “Great! then what about the father, are you happy?” Kyung Soo had his eyes still stuck on the screen and when he spoke, his voice was soft and a bit shaky “She is perfect, our…our daughter is perfect” The doctor chuckled and looked at both of them with care “They all say that, and guess what? They are right” Eventually the doctor had to turn off the ultrasound, not without showing Kyung Soo what they were seeing, what was every shade and shape. When they were back to her desk, he was in a state of elation, to say the least “So, everything is great, let's keep some precautions, no stairs or excessive exercise, the baby is great, but this is the first one and inseminations require extra care, keep having your calcium supplements and no sex for at least one more month Ok?” She gasped and looked around awkwardly, Kyung Soo reacted very similarly. She could imagine how funny was for the doctor to watch this insufferable awkward couple “Oh, so is not that kind of friendship, Ok, let's all move along, any questions?” They were both questionless, so they left the room quickly to avoid any more awkwardness. They were on the second floor, just one set of stairs. She was walking towards them, but Kyung Soo stopped her holding her waist, or what was left of it and turned around to the elevator. She was going to complain, it was only one set of stairs, but she preferred to enjoy being taking care of. In fact, the day was going great, having him there was amazing, better than she could have ever imagined, and going out of the hospital to part ways brought her down quite a bit “You need to go back to the restaurant?” She was determination itself, she was going to keep enjoying the rest of the day with him. She was sure the feeling in her tummy wasn’t her baby moving around her womb “No, I'm not opening today” “You wanna go for a walk?” Asking him didn’t feel as hard as she would imagine “I have a better idea, let's go on a date” Kyung Soo was trying to act cool, but she could see a slight twitch on his lips. He could be nervous or embarrassed. And she felt exactly the same. A hot rush went up her neck and settled in her cheeks. As before, she was sure it wasn’t the pregnancy. She tried to cover her cheeks with her hands, just adding more to the situation “How cute” He commented, imitating the gesture of her hands “Is my blood pressure, the pregnancy makes it weird, I'm not like this because the guy I like asked me out” “How cute!” He commented again between goofy laughs. He took one of her hands, uncovering her face and pulled her with him. He invited her for lunch to a restaurant that he really liked. She was famished and she felt like she could eat at least two dishes. When she told him that, he told her to go ahead. She really liked that. She didn’t do it, but she appreciated the support “I didn’t ask you, I’m still a bit in shock…we are having a girl, you wanted a girl?” There was some awkwardness in his question and it was understandable. She felt the same. Everything was very new and sudden, but she knew he was confident about it. He had show it “Yes, I hate to admit it, but I always imagine myself with a girl, you?” She regretted asking that, of course, Kyung Soo didn’t imagine anything, this wasn’t his plan, men don’t imagine those things. It was one of those women things “Of course the priority is health, boy or girl, if they are healthy is all that matters, but I was so, so happy when the doctor said it was a girl, the possibilities are so many with a girl” Any doubt about Kyung Soo’s intentions coming to the hospital that day was over. She didn’t know if he was there out of guilt, or just trying to do the right thing, but looking at him there in front of her, drinking his coffee with a soft smile on his lips, she knew he was doing this genuinely. She didn’t eat two plates, but she did eat a slice of cake and a chocolate chip cookie. During her pregnancy, she didn’t have a lot of cravings, but her baby really liked sugar “So she is going to be an active girl” Kyung Soo told her when she shared her food preferences with him “Oh no, I was hoping she could be like me, still as a picture, what about you? You ere a good kid right?” “My mom says I was until I went to school, but I was a good kid overall, I never got in trouble” She didn’t think otherwise “Were you a good student?” “No, I hated going to school, you?” “Same, I only liked math class, if it weren’t for Junmyeon who did all my homework and borrowed me his notes I wouldn't have made it…I was smart, but not the kind of smart schools needs” Kyung Soo tapped the table and pointed at her “That’s it! That’s it! We are all smart, but school only cares about one kind of smart, I’m glad you did well though” “We did” Kyung Soo riced his glass of wine and clinked her lemonade. She wished it was a glass of wine too. She sighed heavily drinking her last bit of juice. Kyung Soo asked her what was wrong “Remember when I told you that dating me wouldn’t be fair because the me you will encounter now is different, my mood is going to be weird as hell and all that? Well, that applies to this kind of things too, I can’t go for drinks with you and get drunk, we can’t go for walks because my feet are not dealing well with this pregnancy, we can’t go for long drives because my bladder shrunk, we can’t even kiss because I look huge!” And of course, she followed that statement by shoving the last bit of cookie in her mouth. She was half-joking, half being honest but Kyung Soo just took it seriously. Not completely though, he wasn't laughing, but an involuntary smile, maybe a shy smile, kept pulling the corner of his lips as he spoke "When I met you, you weren't pregnant and I liked you, now you are, and I still like you, with all the changes" She knew this time it wasn't the baby moving because she felt the tickles not only in her stomach, also in her chest, back and legs "It would have been perfect if you said that you liked me more now" "I like you more now " She laughed, but he didn't. She didn’t care if he was lying or if it was the truth, it felt amazing to hear that from him and that was all that mattered. Kyung Soo accepted when she offered to pay for the food but made her promise that next time he was paying. She agreed as long as there was a next one. He asked her what she wanted to do now as he held her hand, his body language always clear, the date wasn’t over yet "Since now I know we are having a girl, I feel like buying her a gender-specific something, wanna come with me? " "Really? Can I buy her something too? " "As long as you don't buy her a knife" He took a step closer to her, laughing merrily but stopped rather suddenly as if colliding with something. He stopped laughing and turned his head away. He went shy and uncomfortable all of a sudden. He didn’t let go of her hand but separated from her a little bit, not meeting her eyes until she called his name and pulled him with her to the sidewalk so they could go shopping. She didn’t understand why he acted like that. His change was sudden and caught her off guard. But it didn’t matter now. She was planning on thinking about it obsessively at night, but now she had better things to do, like keep enjoying her date. They walked a couple of street until they reached a strip mall with a baby clothing store. They got in, she was already used to go inside a baby store and buy whatever she needed. The amount of cuteness and little things didn’t shock her anymore. But for Kyung Soo, it was all new. He went straight to the girl section and his eyes moved from one side to the other, his smile a mixture between wonder and happiness. He grabbed a set of baby shoes, each shoe not bigger than a peach. He turned around and showed them to her “She is going to be this tiny?” “Hopefully not tinier than that, you like those?” He nodded looking at them in awe “I’m going to buy them for her” He pulled them closer to his chest and kept looking around the store, constantly commenting on how cute and tiny they were. She let him wander around as she picked a light pink onesie with delicate embroidered around the chest and the hospital bag to put all the things she would need for the day of the delivery. He asked why she needed such a big bag. The bag brought another issue. Now that he expressed his need to be involved, he naturally had a lot of questions regarding the birth and the previous process. Was she living by herself? By the 8th or 9th month who was going to take care of her? Who was going to take her to the hospital? Was she having a c-section or natural birth? And after that, who was going to help her? The answer to most of those questions was Junmyeon. “He and his girlfriend are planning on taking care of me, the plan is that I will move to his apartment but since he has to work, his girlfriend offered to stay with me. We have the same job, so she is planning on working from home, I think I’m going to move there in a couple of months? I don’t want to invade their space” “I wish I could offer you my place, but I live with Jongin and I work 20 hours a day” She let him know that again, she wasn’t expecting anything from him “But I have enough time now to find someone who can replace me at the restaurant after you give birth, I think I can be more useful there” That sounded so nice. So very nice. Having him there to bring her calm and help when she was going to need it the most. Because now the harder thing to do was tying her shoes and maybe find the right position to sleep. But after their child was born…that was going to be hard with capital h. But still, the idea sounded too unfair for him, before she could refuse, Kyung Soo made her stand in front of her holding to her arms “It’s not unfair for me…I want to be there, please let me be there with you” Did he just read her head? It didn’t matter how bad she could feel for him and his current accidental situation, but if he honestly wanted to be there, she couldn’t deny him that experience. And she didn’t want to say no either. She wanted to be with him. She encircled his waist and brought her cheek closer to his chest. She thanked him. Her voice low as a whisper, her happiness clogging her throat, but she knew he had heard her. He hugged her tight and she felt his lips on her head. He wasn’t kissing her, but it was still warm and scarring in the sweetest way. There was nothing else to say. He was planning to accompany her. The details could be arranged later, now they could only feel calm and confident that they were there for each other “What else do you want to do in our improvised first date? We already ate and then bought things for our daughter, What other things people do in their first dates?” Has Kyung Soo always being this funny. This was the second time that day that he made her laugh hard enough to make her tear up a little bit “I would love to do more things with you, but I’m so tired, I already walked enough, my feet are a bit swollen” He pulled away from her startled, examining her “Are you tired? Your feet hurt? Are you ok?” His wide eyes looked at her in concern but lost a bit of it when she smiled at him “I’m ok, just tired” “Then I should take you home” Her hands flew to his cheeks, caressing him “How can you always say what I need to hear?” He shrugged, looking down flustered. He was so cute. So incredibly cute. And she loved that of him. But he was also loyal, funny, smart, respectful, mature, the most selfless person she had ever met. Commit to this with her was the biggest proof of it. He stopped a taxi and helped her get inside. He gave the driver her address, and she kind of liked how he knew it by memory after sending her all those meals. The streets were already packed, red lights seamed longer. She took a deep breath preparing for the extra 30 minutes it will take them to go home. The inside of the taxi was warm, the driver was playing some nice jazz and the seats were soft, it was perfect for her tired body. She scooched to Kyung Soo's side and rested her head on his shoulder "Too tired?" He asked with a smile on his mouth "Yes, it was a very exciting day" "We have a long way to your place, rest" He arranged his body so she could rest more comfortably and grabbed her right hand, resting them on his thigh. His warmth sept into her being and comforted her "Kyung Soo keep talking, your voice relaxes me" She knew this could put him in the spot, and she also knew he wasn’t very talkative. But she didn’t need a Ted Talk. A simple description of his last visit to her parent's house, or what he saw on TV would do it. But he gave her more than she expected. He called her by her name all the time. Each question escorted by his voice muttering her name in a unique way. Sweet and familiar. As if he had christened you with it so he knew how to use it. She didn't fall asleep, to interested in Kyung Soo's stories, but her entire body felt energized by his presence and peace. He called her name again and vacillated for a moment before asking her “You think it’s gonna work out between you and me?” “I think it will, what we have is rather young, but I have trust in me and especially in you, why you ask?” He twisted his body to her side so he could cuddle her closer “It’s just…you are ones and zeros and I am fat and salt” “You mean we are different” He nodded “I’m ok with that, but what is really worrying you” She tried to move to look at him, but he stopped her, maybe he wanted a bit of privacy to express his worries “As you said, what we have is young, but there is a lot in the middle, not only our daughter but also how we reach this point, I feel like if this didn’t work it would hurt me so badly…so I wanted some reassurance from you, some extra hope” She wanted to turn around and kiss him, hug him, kiss his face and hug him again, he wanted to give him that hope. But he wasn’t done yet, his grip kept enabling her from moving “My feelings for you came so suddenly and with so much force, I pinned for you for so long, and maybe the way our relationship developed was not normal, but that doesn’t change anything about how I feel for you…I’m so sorry that I’m saying this here, but I guess the closeness gave me some braveness” “Don’t worry…Kyung Soo, If you are determinate to do this with me and at the same time love me and take me as your partner I’m into this too, for what I heard, we have walked the same path, at the same time…I also fell for you hard, and pinned for a while too…my only sin was to rush into doing this, if I have waited a little bit things could have developed normally” He chuckled next to her, agreeing with her, but not shaming her “I wonder…what if the sample I purchased had belonged to another man?...” He was quick to answer “Nothing would have changed, we would be here, In the same place, coming back home after finding out we were having a girl” It felt like a miracle. That moment felt like a miracle. Finding him wasn’t something that could happen as an accident. Someone or something for some reason considered that she was worthy of someone like Kyung Soo and put his restaurant on her path, and made her set her eyes on his folder at the fertility clinic. Nothing could be a coincidence. It was a miracle. She released his hand and passed her arms around his waist hugging him tightly. She was afraid of speaking, she might cry and turn this into a very cheesy movie. So, she only hugged him, she knew it was enough. As she predicted, it took them almost an hour to arrive home. She wasn’t tired any more thanks to the very fulfilling trip. The driver wished them a good night and good luck with the birth of her baby. It was very nice how everybody was somehow nicer with you when you were pregnant. They got inside the building holding hands, she was a bit cold so he made sure to bring her inside quickly. They kept chatting on the elevator, a part of her head a bit nervous about having Kyung Soo in her house, but calm. Kyung Soo looked relaxed, so that spread to her. She opened the door and Kyung Soo held it open so they could go inside. She tried to kick her shoes off but her laces were a bit too tight and crunching down to untie them was a bit of a shore “I will help you” He got down in one knee and undid the double knots of her shoes. He did it quickly and she stood in the step of the entrance waiting for him to get rid of his own shoes. She stared at the top of his head and her chest felt this yearning that was hard to understand or control. It was suffocating “Kyung Soo?” He hummed his response, leaving his shoes next to hers, feeling at home “Before, when we were outside the restaurant, were you going to kiss me?” She felt a bit guilty for attacking like that, but his face was kind of priceless. Like a kid who was caught stealing candy. She waited for him until he could look at her “I wanted to, but I thought it wasn't the right time�� She imagined that much, the way he stopped himself was very clear “What about now? Is the right time?” She did her best to sound flirty, playful so he could relax, so he could see that these kinds of things don’t need that much thinking. And it worked because he laughed and looked up at her “It... I think... It is” Perfectly synchronized, as she moved her arms to his shoulders, he passed his around her waist. She liked the position, she was a bit taller since she was standing on the doorstep so he could look at his face perfectly, the right angle. His adoring gaze and an amused grin. There was a bit of nervousness, but how not to. She was sure she was looking at him with the exact same eyes. She tangled her fingers in her short hair, pulling him closer as she leaned down. She felt goosebumps over her skin when his breath fanned her lips. Her heavy eyelids closed when she finally felt his soft lips against hers. She lost the ability to breathe for a moment, not only for the shock but also because she focused on his kiss. She engrossed herself on his kiss so she could enjoy it and remember it for the years to come. If he could describe the kiss, she would describe it as Kyung Soo. It was just the kind of kiss she would expect from a man like him. It was paced, but deep. His lips warm, soft and enchanting. He was also playful, nibbling her lower lip and tugging it sensuously, as his hands slid up her back pulling her as closely as he could. It was new, but it felt safe. It was just like him. He kissed her slowly, making it last. The kiss was short but it felt longer. His eyes opened up slowly, looking up at her. They shined like she had never seen before and pulled her in. She followed them and kissed him again, just pecking them a couple of times. It made him smile and that was all she wanted. He was so close to her. Her hands moved to his nape caressing him, making him sight in contempt and then she framed his face, caressing his cheeks that felt warmer all of the sudden, maybe for feeling observed so closely by her “I was waiting for that” She whispered, caressing the corner of his lips “But I’m glad we waited for it” “We do everything backward uh? First I got you pregnant, then I kissed you” She snorted embarrassingly, making him laugh too “Should we get married tomorrow and then date?” He asked, and she only laughed. He tucked himself tighter, resting his head on her chest and she cradled him naturally between her arms, caressing his head “How can I get so lucky? although you might not feel the same, this was never your plan” She commented, although it was more like thinking out loud. She wasn’t expecting an answer “It wasn't, but I feel lucky too, I feel very lucky” She took a deep breath, the emotion clinging to her throat. She thanked him with a string of voice and he looked up at her, thanking her too. About 15 minutes had passed and they were still at the threshold, so she invited him in, holding his hands and pulling him in. She showed him around her flat, especially the room of their daughter. He was very interested in watching her tiny toys and tiny clothes. They shared a cup of tea in the living room as the night came. It was almost dinner time. She was hungry already. Double hungry “Should I prepared us something? Should we order?” She offered, just trying to be a good hostess. He looked a bit displeased, not to say offended “I can cook you something” He was already walking inside the kitchen “Really?” “Yeah, really, what do you want?” She didn’t need to think too much about it “Chicken stew, I love your chicken stew” He turned around grabbing her apron and tightening around his waist “Chicken stew it is” He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her on the cheek and then for the first time rested his hands on her belly. She had felt her baby move around the entire afternoon, the normal fluttering feeling, but for the first time, she felt a kick. A deaf thud, not a jab, but close. She jumped in surprise. They both looked at her belly and then up. They didn’t say a thing, it was clear what just had happened, and she was so glad he felt it too. He moved his hands over her stomach, slowly and with much care. And it happened again. She yelped in surprise. And he laughed merrily, that cute goofy laugh she loved so much. They stayed like that, looking at her tummy for a long time. Kyung Soo was silent, but he didn’t need to say anything to show how happy and dumbfounded he was. She wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what to say. She brought his head up, holding his face with care. Between all the emotions they felt at that moment, there was one that she felt a long time ago but it was new for him, for sure. That tiny movement that felt like an explosion for her was that last proof that all this was real. And that day Kyung Soo not only had felt the baby move but also saw her daughter for the first time. He must have felt like a soup of feelings, from happiness to fear. She knew that feeling well “We can order something to eat” She offered again, thinking he could have a hard time focusing, but he shook his head with decision “No, no way, now I have to cook for the three of us” He caressed her tummy for the last time, and the baby only moved around, she could feel it but was sure that he couldn’t. He kissed her on the lips, a soft peck that could still make her blush and then turned around, opening her well-stocked fridge. He told her to go to the living room and seat on her sofa. She was sure that for at least thirty minutes Kyung Soo would be completely focused on his cooking. On making his warm, healing and delicious Chicken Stew.

-END-

Notes: Last story from the trilogy. It took me a while, you know why, so thank you for the constant support.

I saw this story somewhere before. A single mom that got inseminated meets a guy and they get married. Then her child needs a transplant or something, they make blood tests and stuff and bang! He was the real dad all along!!! That inspired this story.

Because of my career, I know a lot about the development of the fetus in the womb, but little about how the moms feel, so thank you to planned parenthood.org for all the answers.

Also, I don’t want kids.

#exosnet #kyung soo fanfic #kyung soo fanfiction #d.o fanfic #d.o fluff #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo fluff #Kyungsoo #do kyungsoo #d.o

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greyias · 4 years ago

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This one got… epically long. Like, over 7k words. Based on one of @grumpyhedgehog’s headcanons with her Jedi Lyra and the trash panda extraordinaire. Main pairing is Draike/Lyra (Smuggler/Jedi OC) pre-relationship, secondary pairing of Theron/Knight. I should also warn for a very brief foray into a M rating. For reasons that will become very clear about halfway through.

He didn’t care what anyone else in the Alliance said, Draike Highwind was in the very firm opinion that life on Odessen was boring. The pace around the base had practically slowed to a crawl the past few months, what with them officially laying low and trying to stay off the galactic radar while the rest of the galaxy started to ramp up back into their umpteenth war. Not that Draike liked the constant state of war they all seemed to live in, but at least out there things were happening.

A thin trickle of condensation ran down the side of his glass, and he flicked the droplet across the cantina table, watching it skip along the smooth polished metal surface. It wasn’t the most entertaining diversion — no, he still had a few hours left before that particular game started again — but hey. It was better than watching paint dry. Another trickle worked its way down the side of his glass, and he tried to see if he could get further distance.

“You do realize,” a pleasant voice chimed in, “they make coasters for that.”

Draike lifted his attention from the very interesting and oh-so-important glass of booze to see the familiar form of Lyra Dorn, standing next to his table. As usual, she was looking stereotypically Jedi, decked out in armor and robes even though they were just stuck here in this boring excuse for a base of operations. Her honey blonde locks swept back from her face as she arched a delicate brow at him. He spied a datapad in one hand, and in the other a platter filled to the brim with fried Capellan turg-root, roast gorak, and Ahrisa.

“I’m just livening up the place,” Draike said drolly, by way of greeting.

Lyra almost rolled her eyes, but seemed to catch herself before plopping down in the chair opposite him, delicately setting down the platter in the center as if it were some sort of offering. That was all the invitation he needed, and he snatched up a turg-root.

He was already halfway through chewing with when she let out a half-sigh, half-laugh. “Yes, those are for you.”

He just returned the remark with a crumb-filled grin, as if to say, “I know.”

That got past her internal defenses, and she was unable to suppress her urge to roll her eyes. The twitch at the edge of her lips let him know she found it amusing though, despite whatever airs she liked to project.

Summoning some modicum of manners, Draike finished off his bite and waved a hand at the plate. “You can have one too.”

“Oh, how magnanimous of you,” she said, but there was no sting to her tone, and she politely pinched off a piece of Ahrisa, setting down the datapad as she did so.

He eyed the device, disguising his suspicion with an easy smile as he snagged another turg-root, smothering it in one of the spicy sauces ringing the platter. “What you got there? Some spicy HoloNet fic? Apparently the latest trope everyone’s writing about is the poor betrayed rebellion commander and their traitorous spy lover.”

“How do you know that?”

“There is nothing to do here. I get bored.”

“Those are about your sister!”

“Look, it’s not my fault she professed her undying love to her stupid boyfriend in front of an open broadcast to the entire galaxy!”

“And that’s your brother-in-law now.”

“Don’t remind me,” he grumbled. “Okay, so if you’re not reading fictionalized accounts of my baby sister’s love life, what’s the datapad for?”

She shot him a look, as if to ask him once again why she would ever read trashy romance about a real person in her life, much less a relative of his. “It’s…”

“Yes?”

“For your reports,” she sighed.

“What? My reports?” he sat up a bit straighter. “Why?”

“Someone made me aware that you’ve been having difficulty getting your reports turned in on time,” Lyra said hesitantly, “and so I thought I’d help you out with them.”

Draike managed to summon his most offended face to bear. “So you bring me a giant platter of my favorite food as a ruse to trick me into working?”

“It’s not a ruse,” she was quick to reassure him, “it’s a… peace offering. And fuel for the brain.”

“It’s a bribe is what it is.”

“Oh, and so what if it is?” A little bit of haughtiness was beginning to creep into her tone, accent thickening ever so slightly as his combativeness managed to puncture her friendly demeanor. “You need to get your reports done, and I’m willing to help you write them because I am a good friend. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is I don’t need help writing my reports,” Draike said, crossing his arms as he leaned back into his seat.

“What... yes you do! Theron said—”

An almost maniacal grin spread across his face before he even realized it and quickly smothered it. Usually he was better at keeping a good Sabacc face, but for a moment, even that was eclipsed by the momentary and purely malicious glee that stole through him.

“What was that?” Lyra asked.

“What was what?”

“That look.”

“There was no look.”

“Yes, there was. I know that look—Draike.”

One of the most boring parts about living on Odessen was the rules—and the paperwork. On his own, he only had to do the bare minimum of paperwork to get his cargo runs in. Just enough legality to keep people off his back. It was annoying, but he did what he had to. And at some point he just let Risha take care of that sort of thing — he secretly suspected she enjoyed the tedium. Alas, those salad days were behind him. Here they liked to dot all of their i’s and cross all of their t’s. They wanted a flimsi trail and records for runs, but also stupid things like, incident reports. Which unless something really exciting happened was just an absolute snore fest.

So, he’d made a little game out of them.

Because of course the one person who was hounding him the most for all of this pointless paperwork was his new brother-in-law. If there was something Draike liked less than being told what to do — it was being told what to do by a joyless workaholic that was giving it to his baby sister every night.

“Your report was supposed to be handed in this morning. Do you need any help getting it—?”

“Oh no, help isn’t necessary. I’ve already got it done.”

An adorable little frown of confusion creased Lyra’s face. “Then why the delay?”

“No one, and I mean no one gives Draike Highwind orders,” he said proudly. “Shan will get the report when he’s good and ready.”

Bless her heart, Lyra always seemed willing to believe the best in Draike, even more than most people. That belief was getting tested at the moment, as he could see the wheels starting to turn in her head. She hadn’t put the pieces together yet, but she would soon.

“I’ve got, oh,” he made a show of glancing at the chronometer, “about nine hours and fifty four minutes to go before turning it in.”

As if in triumph, he picked up another turg-root and ate it with an almost perverse pleasure. This time he didn’t try to smother the big grin that blossomed in full on his face.

The thing about Shan was that he was way too predictable. Mister Super Secret Agent Man and dedicated workaholic was never too far from a datapad, whether it was in the war room or in his own quarters. If something were to come into his inbox tagged as urgent, his type couldn’t resist taking a look. No matter what they were doing. And hey, what could Draike say if maybe the message was perfectly timed to chime in right at the most, ahem, romantic portion of Shan’s evening? And if the report itself had been a little more exciting than expected, so exciting that it completely distracted Shan from any other plans, well that was just a side benefit. He was just trying to keep everyone entertained. And of course every report had a twist ending, because Draike was really giving like that. The twist being that the giant cliffhanger he was building up to was all a sham, and that the incident report was really just a boring waste of time all along.

By his reckoning, Draike was pretty sure that he’d successfully prevented any nighttime activities between his sister and brother-in-law for at least a week now. If Shan was sending Lyra to do his dirty work, it meant he was probably getting desperate. Perfect.

Lyra let out a long suffering sigh, still acting as if she was trying to negotiate some all-important intergalactic trade deal instead of just trying to get her best friend to do some pointless paperwork. “Look, if it’s already finished, I could send the report in for you. Theron does need to sleep some time you know.”

He just snorted and shook his head. “I love you, sweetheart, but you don’t mess with a man’s data stream. If Shan has a problem he can come and talk to me—”

Draike’s statement ended in a lurch, his whole body going rigid as he suddenly processed his own words. He slid a look over to Lyra, who blinked back at him. The hints of a smile were starting to form at the corners of her mouth, something she tried to hide by taking a prolonged and yet somehow delicate bite of her Ahrisa as if she hadn’t heard anything at all.

It didn’t really matter how much she pretended though, because he knew what he’d said. It was as if the entire, expansive cantina had somehow managed to shrink in those few seconds, the natural carved stone walls closing in around him. His chest tightened, each breath a little harder to pull in than the last, as all of the blood drained from his face.

Panic could take on many forms — it all depended on the person. Some people go rigid and weren’t able to move. Others hid theirs with anger or lashed out at others. Some didn’t hide theirs at all, going into full on hyperventilation. But Draike Highwind was none of those types of people. And so he scanned the room, desperately searching for salvation, and found it in the tall form of a Wookiee at the bar.

No actual coherent thought was in his mind as he leapt to his feet, Lyra, the datapad, and platter of food seemingly forgotten as he loudly proclaimed for every patron of the cantina to hear. “Hey, Bowdarr!”

The wookiee looked up with an inquisitive growl.

“You know I love you, right? I love all my friends!”

Bowdarr shook his massive furry head, neither confusion nor resignation registering on his face as suddenly the much shorter human had crossed the threshold, practically slinging his arm around the taller being. Without missing a beat, Draike slung his other arm around the Mon Cal that was also at the bar.

“You too, Guss!”

“Oh, Captain! This is so unexpect—”

“Hey, you! Droid!”

C2-N2 had been dutifully sweeping up a mess over in the corner of the cantina, and the protocol droid looked up in confusion, as if not expecting to be pulled into this of all conversations. “Oh, Captain Highwind, as flattered as I am by your affections, I don’t—”

“What? No. I don’t love you.”

“Well I never!”

“You’re taking good care of my sister, right?”

“But of course, Captain Highwind. I am the primary expert on comfort in all of—”

“Yeah, yeah yeah. You know how much I love her right?”

An audible and communal sound of confusion rippled through the entire cantina. Apparently, this was news to everyone on base.

“In fact,” Draike continued, broadcasting at the top of his lungs to drown out the dissenters of his brotherly affection, “you should go let her know that. Right now.”

The protocol droid practically saluted him as he scuttered off to do as he was told. Orders taken, Draike turned to give the next, and possibly most important person in his life, the good news, and proclaimed to the bartender on duty his undying love for the perfect glass of whiskey that he poured every night.

Off in the corner, Lyra sunk further and further into her chair the louder Draike got, eyes raising up to the ceiling. As if somehow, counting all of the flecks up there would somehow, magically, get him to stop.

This was the perfect plan, if Theron did say so himself. Not that he was really saying much at the moment. Just enjoying the slow, slick slide, the enveloping heat, and the low but appreciative noises filling the room. It had been far, far too long. That was, of course, a nice chunk of his good mood—just having some nice quality time with his wife. But it had the added benefit that he’d finally managed to outwit his stupid brother-in-law’s attempts to derail it. There was no way Draike and his late reports could screw this up. All it had taken was rearranging several meetings and some nonessential business to get the afternoon off.

And Theron was putting the time to good use.

His lips wandered their familiar route, starting just under the shell of his wife’s ear, slowly making their way to the hollow of her throat. Just the way she liked it, if the fingernails digging into his back was any indication. That’s right. Just like that. He let out his own sound of appreciation, and just a little more and he’d—

That thought, and the precious rhythm he’d been building up, was completely shattered as the telltale hiss of hydraulics cut through the room as the door to their quarters whooshed open. Both occupants in the bed went completely still, wide eyed and dumbfounded as a little breeze of recirculated air drifted in from the hall.

Before Theron could say anything, or even twist in what was now a very awkward position, a cheerful robotic voice called out from the doorway. “I have wonderful news, Master!”

A frown of confusion stole over Grey’s face, clearly perplexed by whatever was more important than their privacy.

Heedless to this breaching of protocol, C2-N2 continued on obliviously. “Your brother was just telling the whole of Odessen how much he loves you and how much you mean to him. He urged me to make sure I was taking the best possible care of you that I could!”

At this point, any glimmering hope of continuing their previous activities had now been shattered thoroughly. Theron let out an inarticulate growl as he disentangled himself, flipping and turning even as the bed’s coverlet, previously shoved out of the way magically flew up to cover both occupants propriety. Just about at the same time, Theron had grabbed the nearest pillow, and had chucked it as hard as he could towards the doorway.

It was a marvelous throw. One for the ages. Truly, Theron had missed his calling in Huttball. Unfortunately, pillows weren’t nearly as aerodynamic, and it flopped to the floor several feet away from its intended mark.

“Oh my!” Seetoo exclaimed.

“Close the door!” Theron’s snarl echoed across the expanse of the room.

“Oh, quite right!” Seetoo hit the button for the door to close, and it swished shut behind him. That task completed, he turned back to the bed as if awaiting further instructions.

“I meant for you to shut it with you on the other side!”

“Well, you must be more specific in your wishes if you—”

“Get out!”

“How rude.”

Theron flopped back on his pillow, or he would have, if he hadn’t flung it across the room. Instead his head hit the mattress with a slight spring and bounce back. The motion made him nostalgic for thirty seconds ago, when that bounce back had been for different reasons. He glared at the room in general, as if it had betrayed him. After thoroughly expressing his displeasure with his environment, he turned to look at his wife.

“First it was the manipulative Force parasite in your head interrupting us. Now it’s your brother.”

By proxy no less.

“Did you just compare my brother to Valkorion?” Grey asked. He couldn’t tell if she was offended or in agreement with him. At the moment he didn’t particularly care.

“If the evil shoe fits!”

At some point, Draike’s near maniacal effusion of love for every person and object on Odessen had finally run its course. Probably around the time that Bowdaar had practically shoved a bottle of whiskey into his mouth. It had been an effective measure of finally getting the endless stream of affection to stop.

It had been a little while since that point. So much so that Draike had migrated from his laze-a-bout in the cantina over to the Logistics Hangar. He wouldn’t have said that he was consciously avoiding Lyra or anything, but at some point he’d looked back to where he’d abandoned her at the table and realized that he may have made things a little awkward. There was an itchy feeling on the back of his neck as a tiny in voice in his head told him that he needed to apologize to her. That voice sounded a little too much like his mother for his own comfort, so he studiously avoided it.

Besides, a far more logical part of his brain said that he had nothing to be sorry for. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

He looked up from his contemplative perch to see his brother-in-law angrily storming in his direction. Draike took in Theron’s untucked shirt over rumpled pants, the lack of belt and mismatched slippers in place of the normal calf-high boots, bloodshot eyes, twitching brow, and a possibly new undiscovered vein bulging in his forehead. As an expert in the field, Draike recognized the all-too-familiar signs of someone who had dressed very hastily. That same wide, nexu-like grin spread across his face at the sight.

Okay. Maybe he had done one thing that was technically wrong. But why did it feel so right?

The open display of amusement did nothing to quell the spy’s rage, as he finished closing the distance and furiously poked a finger into Draike’s chest. He growled something distinctly unflattering in High Gammorese, and while Draike tried to hold his mirth in—he didn’t really try that hard, because he almost doubled over laughing.

This only egged Theron on, and the next string of curses mixed in several other languages. Who knew the man was a polyglot?

“I will have you know that my mother was a saint,” Draike managed to get in between wheezes, “and you better not let your wife hear you talking about her like that.”

That seemed to break through Theron’s sexually frustrated rage long enough to stem the seemingly endless, nearly incoherent tirade. But the anger was clearly still simmering. If looks could kill, Draike was pretty sure he would have been a puddle of incinerated goo on the floor of the Logistics Hangar. Of course, he’d been on the receiving end of far worse looks. Shan would need to bring his A game if he wanted to attempt to intimidate Draike Highwind.

Theron started again, in Basic this time. “You son of a—”

“Ah ah, a saint,” Draike reminded him, possibly a little too mockingly.

Theron’s mouth shut with an audible click, and breathed out a long whistling breath through his nose.

“You know, Shan, you really should put a little more care into your wardrobe. Tumble bunny slippers? Really?”

The spy wrinkled his nose, the newly discovered vein seeming to bulge again with a freshly ignited rage. “You sent that droid into our quarters on purpose!”

“Who? Me?”

“Yes, you!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Draike widened his eyes, the complete picture of innocence. How was he supposed to know that Theron was trying to route around his carefully crafted plans and engage in a little afternoon delight? Truly, it had just been a cosmic coincidence that had turned out in the smuggler’s favor.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Highwind! I know what you’re up to!”

“And what is that?” Draike blinked languidly.

“I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of saying it out loud!”

“Oh, no,” he tsked sadly, “is there some trouble in the bedroom with you and the misses?”

“Knock it off!” Theron snarled. “What the hell is your problem?”

That sort of language utterly wounded Draike, and he displayed that the only way he knew how, by dramatically clutching his chest and crying out in the most melodramatic fashion. “I’m just upset that I wasn’t invited to the wedding!”

“What?” Theron asked flatly.

“It was always my dream to walk my baby sister down the aisle — and your elopement ruined that!”

“…no it wasn’t, you goddamn liar!”

“I’m wounded, utterly wounded!”

Theron pivoted on his heel, letting out an inarticulate frustrated cry.

“You know what would cure that bad temper?” Draike couldn’t help himself. “A little good quality time with the little mis—“

The rest of his sentence was drowned out by another particularly vile High Gammorese curse as Theron stormed off. A final “Turn in your goddamn reports!” echoed across the hangar, and Draike couldn’t hold it any longer and broke down in laughter.

There was really only one problem with Draike’s plan to completely avoid any potential awkwardness with his best friend — and that was when you completely avoided someone, it had a tendency to compound the issue of not seeing them. In fact, Draike had been so successful in his efforts, by the time it occurred to him that maybe he’d overreacted a little, and the encounter itself had probably long faded from her mind, Lyra was nowhere to be found.

Which was just rude. People shouldn’t be able to use his own tactics against him. There had to be some sort of rule or code against that.

Naturally, all inquiries made in regards to her whereabouts were completely and utterly casual. As he had carefully cultivated an upstanding reputation of detached aloofness that had served him well. If he appeared too eager for anything, someone might get the bright idea in their head to saddle him with more responsibility — maybe mistake him for the other Highwind on base that seemed to thrive under that sort of thing.

And it wasn’t like Lyra was the most entertaining Jedi or Force user on base to hang around with, she wasn’t even the most entertaining person—because apologies to everyone, Guss would forever and always hold both of those titles. No contest. No contenders. It was just the cold, hard facts of the situation.

But if Draike was being honest… her company was missed some. Bowdarr didn’t laugh at his stupid jokes that he told in an attempt to cheat—er, strategically get the upper hand—at Sabacc. The wookiee just let out a non-amused growl and called him on it. And Guss just kept trying to palm the cards himself. It just wasn’t the same. He would hang out with Gault, but both Hylo and Theron had strictly forbidden it, as if they were convinced the entire base would erupt in flames if the two of them engaged in a battle of wits.

(And there was no way in hell he was ever going to sit at a table with that Rattataki, no matter how many lewd invitations she offered.)

So, Draike had been forced to turn to the very last place that he would ever dare to find answers: the duty roster.

“Who the hell is Houch Plehnt and why is he flying my ship?”

“Last I checked, the Khoonda was registered to Master Dorn, not you.”

Draike looked up to see one smirking and insufferable spy staring at him over the brim of a large mug of caf.

“Shan.” Any joviality in the greeting on Draike’s part was forced. “Nice to see you up and at ‘em. Still suffering from that acute case of prolonged sexual frustration?”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” a wide, unrepentant grin spread across the other man’s face, “I’ve found that if I wake up early enough, there’s definitely enough time to fit in a quick bit of quality time with the little lady. Sometimes twice.”

“Gross! That’s my sister you’re talking about!”

“A wise man would know better than to ask a question he didn’t want the answer to.”

“Don’t think I won’t camp outside your door and bang pots at random intervals!”

“I think our guard droids might take issue with that.”

“HK-55 loves me and you know it!”

“Where are you going to find the pots?” Theron challenged, taking a long sip off his mug.

“I have friends in the kitchen!” Draike crossed his arms. “They’ll hook me up.”

“Don’t you think you’re going to excessive lengths to ‘protect your sister’s virtue’?”

“She’s a Jedi, I think she’s entirely capable of protecting her own virtue,” Draike sniffed indignantly. “Besides, this has nothing to with her, and everything to do with you.”

“And what did I do now?”

“You let some moon jockey take my ship out!”

“Again, not your ship.”

“Well, it’s the closest thing I’ve got to one until we track down where mine is,” Draike huffed.

“Guess it’s a shame you were off pouting somewhere when Dorn got her mission then,” Theron said a little too casually, taking another long, slow sip from his mug. “She had to go find another pilot since you were incommunicado.”

Draike tried not to look as put out as a he felt. Lyra knew that he was bored out of his skull and she had just left him here? And had gone off with some moon jockey? Who probably couldn’t even take off without scraping the paint? Houch Plehnt — what kind of name what that anyway? Man probably didn’t even know how to handle his blasters! (Pun partially intended.)

“You don’t just hijack someone’s crew, Shan!”

“Oh?” There raised those eyebrows again, another sip and a smirk. “Your crew, eh? I didn’t realize things were so… official.”

“They’re not,” he snapped back, perhaps a little too quickly. “We just have an understanding—she knows how bored I am! And she just leaves me here?”

“What she left you was this message.” Theron paused in his sipping and smirking long enough to produce a datapad. “Not that it’s any of my business.”

“It’s not.”

Theron shrugged, picked his mug back up and began to amble off. Presumably to his next meeting, or a rigorous and boring round of coding, or something equally dull and chaste per the elaborate fantasy that Draike was concocting in his head.

“You still haven’t sent in your report for the Kathol Rift incident yet.” The spy didn’t turn around or even flinch at the silent, rude gesture sent his way. “Maybe you’ll have some time to finish it now, since you’re so bored and have nothing better to do.”

“You know, Theron, I never pegged you as some flimsi pusher,” Draike called after him, which seemed to break through the smug haze, because he saw the spy’s shoulders stiffen, as if that insult had hit particularly close to home. “I guess we all become the thing we hate, eh?”

“You’re the one with the problem here, Captain, not me,” came the sharp reply, before the spy stalked off.

Draike glared at his retreating back, and when that had finally disappeared off into the bustle of the Odessen crowds, he turned his ire back to the traitorous duty roster that had started this whole thing to begin with. He ignored the datapad in his hand for longer than was probably necessary, before finally flicking the thing on.

Hey you. Got a little job to do in Taris. Couldn’t find you to see if you wanted to tag along. Houch Plehnt volunteered — should be back in a day or two. Wish me luck, he’s… not as quick with his blasters as you are. If you know what I mean. See you later, friend.

He glared at the datapad and the text on it, trying to smother the rising and conflicting emotions welling up in his chest. The walls weren’t closing in like the other day, but that nagging voice was starting to whisper in the back of his mind. In particular he kept staring at the word “friend” over and over, as if trying to parse out if it was some sort of hidden message.

It was stupid, that’s what it was. If she wanted to get herself killed by letting some random person with lesser skill at the helm of her ship, then fine. So be it. See if he helped her steal it back again if the jerk decided to fly off without her. Of course, that might strand her on Taris, which was not exactly friendly territory to have to try and navigate a flight out of.

Whatever. It wasn’t any of his business. He had better things to do. Like go teach Guss how to cheat better at cards.

In between about the thousandth time of trying to demonstrate the proper way to palm a card, and Guss accidentally spraying the entire Sabacc deck across the table, Draike had to admit defeat on his latest venture. The game of 76 Card Pickup was only entertaining about the first three times in a row, and then it just became dull. Like everything else around this place.

While he was amazing at most everything he did, Draike would have to admit that maybe he could have been a more effective tutor if he didn’t keep getting distracted by trying to calculate the average duration of a roundtrip between Wild Space and the Ojoster sector. Granted, a talented pilot could shave off a little time from that route, but he was pretty sure Houch Plehnt was anything but. Did the man even know the front end of his blaster from the back?

Not that Draike was concerned.

Because he wasn’t. He just had to find some way to fill his time, and unfortunately he’d been reduced down to basic algebra problems that most school children learned in their third year. And he wasn’t put out. How could he be? It wasn’t like he and Lyra had any formal arrangement (no matter how much Shan tried to slyly imply) to not go on missions without each other… they just… hadn’t for a long time. It wasn’t an expectation exactly, it was just the way things had been for a while. Help each other on assignments, hang out in the down time. Keep the ever encroaching boredom at bay for a little longer.

He also would not define himself as moping about the Logistics Hangar, with Guss trying to pick up an entire Sabacc deck off the floor where he’d accidentally flung it for the umpteenth time, when the Khoonda made its landing again. The ship’s owner emerged down the boarding ramp, covered in something utterly foul. Draike had almost no warning before a particularly sticky and odious arm was flung around his shoulders, an unidentified muck slurping itself onto his jacket.

“Hi,” Draike said, one hand discreetly covering his nose. “Miss me?”

“Yes,” Lyra enthused as she laid her head on his shoulder, further smearing the gunk of whatever covered her onto his skin.

He valiantly did not cringe at the slimy sensation. “You know that you stink, right?”

“It’s your fault,” she insisted.

“I don’t recall smearing you with the most disgusting substance known to man. That you’ve now smeared all over my best jacket.”

“Good,” she said firmly, “ and it is your fault. You disappeared on me, forcing me to take Houch as a pilot.”

“What kind of name is that anyway?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Lyra wrinkled her nose. “He was so afraid of getting bit by a Rakghoul he refused to step off the ship. So I had to get samples for Lokin myself.”

“Wait, so this stuff is—”

“Yes,” Lyra said lightly, “Rakghoul guts.”

“This was my best jacket!”

“Was being the operative word. Now it’s just a jacket covered in guts. We match!”

Draike sniffed indignantly, which was a mistake because all it gained him was a giant whiff of the odious stench emanating from the Jedi. “Why did you not shower?”

“Because Houch was so afraid of being infected he quarantined me in the cargo hold. Wouldn’t even let me near the refresher.”

“It’s your ship!”

“Trust me,” she muttered dangerously, “I know.”

“He still in the cockpit? I can go give him a hug on your behalf.”

“You’d do that?”

“Bastard stole my ship and by proxy ruined my favorite jacket. He’s got it coming.”

“You do realize it’s technically my ship, don’t you?”

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up?”

“Well, you have fun talking to Houch,” Lyra said breaking away, “I am going to go take a shower and then burn all of these clothes.”

“Looks like I’ll be doing the same,” Draike muttered petulantly.

“And be nice to Houch.”

“No promises!”

The conversation itself was normal. Friendly side-hugs and spirited banter but… as Lyra walked away, Draike couldn’t help but feel something about the encounter was different. The barbs just a little more pointed, and Lyra avoiding catching his eye. She had usually been quick to follow up the banter with some sort of reassurance, but this time she just walked away. It wasn’t like this was the first time he’d been an ass, and she had always let him off the hook before. He wasn’t sure why this time was different, but it was.

He watched her go, that same matronly voice in his ear starting up in its familiar scolding refrain.

The expletive slipped out on its own accord. His jacket was thoroughly ruined. It was a nice jacket. He’d just finished breaking it in. The sleeves were no longer stiff, and it had breathed so much nicer than the cheap synthleather ones that they kept in stock here on the base. Also, Houch Plehnt really needed a sticky Rakghoul gut hug. But mostly the man just needed to be kicked off and banned from ever re-entering the Khoonda.

Is that all you should really be thinking about right now? — the infuriating voice in the back of his mind asked.

He tried to come up with some excuse, some flim-flam to distract it, but arguing with one’s self was the first sign of insanity. He couldn’t give into it now, not after managing to keep his wits about him being stranded for five years on a backwater planet while the galaxy passed him by. That would just be insult to injury.

Fine. Fine. He’d listen to the stupid voice just this once.

It was much, much later when he found her out in the nerf pens. After a shower, burning his jacket, and covering one asshole Rodian pilot in rakghoul guts — not necessarily all in that order — he walked into one of the dirtiest places on base. It seemed almost pointless for Lyra to scrub herself clean and then go commune with the giant stinky beasts, but this was where she liked to hide out when she was trying to pretend she wasn’t upset. Like that time they had to steal back the Khoonda from the Corellian shipyards. Or the anniversary of dates that she’d never really explained the significance of.

Just like those other times, she was petting the nose of one of the giant, gentle creatures. Leaning in and saying something low. He spied a small smile playing at her lips, even if there was the air of something else about her. Like even with her big animal friends she felt she had to pretend that everything was fine.

Draike cleared his throat, and both Jedi and big nerf head looked up at him. He held up a bag from the mess hall as an offering, and her eyes lit up at the familiar sight. She gave the big beast another affectionate pat on the nose, whispering something before wiping her hands and ambling over. Just like all of the other times, they took a seat on one of the fallen logs that served as a makeshift bench.

They didn’t exchange a word, but he pulled out the to-go containers and utensils. She took his offering, removing the lid and inhaling the spicy scent wafting out. The smile that played at her lips was different from the ones she graced the nerf with, and she arched a brow at him. The noodle dish wasn’t her favorite Dantooinian variant, but it was the closest he could wrangle up. Thankfully, the grumpy cook wasn’t in the kitchen today, so he’d been able to negotiate a special order.

“Smells spicy.”

“I’m surprised you can smell anything over that nerf,” he said.

She shook her head, lips pressing together lightly, but the expression was a familiar mix of exasperated amusement. Not the slightly edged smile she’d greeted him with in the hangar, so that was probably a good sign.

“I don’t recall this being on the menu today,” she remarked lightly.

“I called in a favor.”

“How big of a favor?”

“There’s an extra container of hot sauce in here. You’re liable to lose a few taste buds.”

“Ah, that was quite the favor,” she mused. “The kitchen never wants to make it spicy enough.”

“You just have to know how to ask nicely,” Draike shot back, “and also slip them a few credits when no one’s looking.”

She slurped up a noodle with more gusto and noise than was necessarily proper, but the genuine smile blossoming on her face counterbalanced the breech in manners. For a few minutes, they were content to munch on their food as they watched the giant stinky beasts graze. It was almost tempting to just let the companionable silence stretch on, but he was supposed to be listening to the stupid little voice in his head, so…

He took a little time preparing the noodles for his next bite, seemingly focused on getting the absolute perfect twirl as he spoke. “I turned in the damn report.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her pause in the middle of her chew, shaking her head almost in disappointment. As if that wasn’t the actual issue. He continued to twirl his fork slowly, gathering more and more noodles and sauce. She was the one that left him behind, and yet he had swallowed his pride and given that stupid smug spy the satisfaction of having his precious paperwork turned in on time.

You know that’s not the real issue here, that damnable maternal voice in his head whispered again.

He ignored the voice. It only got one good deed out of him per month. That was the deal.

“You left me here,” he said continuing to twirl the noodles into what was starting to resemble a monstrous bite.

“You disappeared,” Lyra shot back. “What was I supposed to do? Refuse a mission because you were pouting?”

“I was not pouting,” Draike said huffily.

“Then what were you doing?”

He didn’t have an answer for that, so instead of replying he stuffed his now epically sized pasta twirl into his mouth. It was a mistake, as there was hardly any room to chew, and the spicy oil of the sauce set his cheeks on fire. Gamely he looked at her and shook his head, pointing at his full mouth as if in explanation that he couldn’t answer her question with his mouth full. The effect was ruined by the fact that he could feel a bead of sweat start to trickle down his face, his traitorous body betraying the fact that he was not as immune to the level of spice that she enjoyed in her dishes.

Lyra quirked a brow at him, unimpressed by his obvious skirting of the issue, while an oddly satisfied smile threatened to quirk at the corners of her mouth. It made him feel as if he had stepped into some sort of well-planned Dejarik maneuver she had been planning from the beginning of the game. Although Lyra Dorn really wasn’t the evil mastermind type.

“It really stung, you know,” she said after a moment of literally letting him sweat, “that you’d avoid me instead of talking to me about whatever was wrong.”

He could have had a perfect follow-up quip for that to distract and derail the conversation, but his mouth was still both on fire and impossibly stuffed with noodles which prevented him from forming any coherent sound. So he just let out a muffled series of noises in protest.

“Chew your food,” Lyra said, that eyebrow quirking again.

He snorted out an annoyed breath and tried to find a way to safely chew his monstrous, ill-conceived bite. He felt not unlike one of the big, stinky piles of fur chewing their cud. In retrospect, perhaps this maneuver of stuffing his face to avoid questions had backfired, as he was now at the mercy of anything else the Jedi had to say.

“I’d never strong arm you into saying or doing anything you didn’t feel,” she continued. “The fact that you don’t trust that…”

He shook his head at her, still unable to form coherent words.

“No, you don’t trust me?”

He shook his head again.

“No, that’s not what you meant?”

He nodded.

She sighed. “Can we just both agree to not do that again? Neither of us goes incommunicado when something’s wrong and… you never leave me at the mercy of a Houch Plehnt again. Fair?”

Draike couldn’t sigh, could only snort out a very long and aggrieved breath through his nose and shrug in an exaggerated manner — but he nodded. That seemed… fair.

“Good.” Lyra shot him a small, almost mischievous smile. “You know you’re being uncharacteristically silent.”

He tried to say something, but his mouth of noodles prevented more than an impolite, disgruntled sound.

“Chew,” she reminded him again, that little smirk still blossoming further. “So, did you get up to anything fun while I was gone?”

He let out another incoherent noise of frustration, unable to form proper words around the fire on his tongue and the noodles trying to slip out of his mouth.

“It’s impolite to talk with your mouth full, Captain.” Lyra clicked her tongue, and took a delicate, small bite. “You know, these are really good.”

He wrinkled his nose at her and tried to communicate his plight with his eyes.

She just flashed him another wide smirk, leaning over so she could bump his shoulder with hers. “You want some of my extra sauce to help wash those noodles down?”

Her only reply was a disgruntled grunt.

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