#yes im tagging it because people deserve to face this truth

[mademoisellegush]

🔥

The Seeds have got no asses... everyone in far cry 5 is canonically flat as a bread board, only tammy might legitimately pretend to have cake, and nothing is more hilarious than seeing people call john seed “thick” or variations thereof when he’s got like. an ass you could trace with a ruler

Send me 🔥 for an unpopular opinion

[danniburgh]

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 17

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +4.4k

Chapter warnings: mentions of captivity, oral sex (m receiving) more fucking feels i know, soft javi deserves a warning, the apparition of Señor Berna lmao

A/N: This chapter is set in season three, episode eight. // again, some plotshit, a lil more action, flor being a snarky beech lmao... oh guys, im so happy were here, im sorry for the angst

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

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gif: @josepedropascal​

You breathed in and out a few times before walking to his office, trying to eat back your tears and put on a smiling face as he was staring at you. He tilted his head when you entered the office and you gulped and buried your feelings inside you again, not wanting to dive into them just yet.

“How’d it go?” you asked Javier, sitting in front of him across his desk. You saw his brow furrow at the question and his reaction made you bite your lip, he pushed his cigarette on the small ashtray to turn it off before answering.

“She’s in the jungle,” he muttered at you and your heart dropped a few feet below the floor, “the cartel basically handed her to the fucking FARC,”

“What the fuck!?” your voice raised and your brain started spiraling down further. 

The woman that you had heard trying to convince her husband to drop everything he had been doing for the cartel and practically begged him to not leave her alone was in the worst possible place you could imagine for someone like her. 

Javier looked at you, and once again he desired he had your sharp ability to read people, just to try to know without asking what you were thinking. The truth was that you were relating to her in more than one way. She reminded you of yourself at some point before all the shit you had seen and done ultimately turned you into another person and you didn’t like it. You wanted her to get away unscratched because in your eyes she didn’t deserve it. You knew she didn’t. Even if she knew what she was doing when she got married, even if she knew what she was getting herself into.

Christina Jurado reminded you of yourself and you didn’t like it because it made the whole thing way too personal. And for you, it wasn’t worth it. And if you looked at it from the outside. It was even worse.

“What did Berna say?” you asked again, trying to brush off all the negative feelings that were bubbling in your chest.

“That he knows how to get her back,” his voice was low and his face quirked in frustration, you let your hand reach his over the cluttered desk and he took it “he’s gonna take me there,”

“Javi,” you let out in a whisper, he knew what you were about to say and he shook his head, “please,”

“You’re not going, baby,” you tightened the grip on his hand and pleaded with your eyes, he knew you, he knew you could help, he knew you would be fantastic at it, but he wasn’t about taking the woman he… you to a place like that, it wasn’t a matter of ability or capacity. It was a matter of him wanting you to be safe. He just couldn’t risk you.

Taking the risk was worthy for him, in some way he blamed himself for Christina’s capture, he did because he was the one that had contacted in the first place, he had flirted with her and convinced her to tell her husband to cooperate with the agency and he blamed himself because he had exposed her in a city that wasn’t kind to anybody in a country she didn’t know in a position she hadn’t anything to gain from. 

So for him, it was an easy call.

But for you? he couldn’t risk you. You who were doing everything he asked you to, you, who helped, you, who worried and cared, you who he knew would put her own life on the line if that’s what it would take to bring a woman home. It was a given no.

“How much is gonna cost us?” your voice was still low and Javier let his mouth curve into a tight-lipped, sad, resigned smile, you were about the only person who could ask something like that in plural and as much as he dreaded giving you the answer, he found it endearing. You, who helped. You, who worried and cared. You, selfless and giving.

“He wants a heads up,” Javier explained, moving his gaze to your entangled hands, “to know when we start looking for him,” his thumb started stroking your skin slowly.

“Mhm,” you hummed. 

Javier lost himself in the moment, just letting the silence drop and the implication of the conversation linger between you both while you held hands. His touch was soft on your skin despite the roughness of his, his hand wrapped yours almost entirely and the way his thumb brushed softly against the back of your hand made you remember the way his hands felt on your skin earlier as he made love to you.

He really didn’t deserve what you were doing to him. He was clueless to how much of a monster you were.

The thought of just word vomit everything to him and then beg for his forgiveness crossed your mind not once but twice. But you couldn’t just do it, you needed more, more for him to know why you were doing it and how you were trying to fix it, more for him to understand your motives so he could at least not hate you, more for you to know it was safe for him to know. So you didn’t. Instead, you gave into another thought of yours that resurfaced as you looked at him again; all tensed up and frustrated.

“C’mon,” you stood up from the chair and tugged at his hand, Javier looked at you confused and you tugged again to make him stand up and walk around his desk as you guided him to the loveseat in his office.

Your hand left his, and you cupped his face softly, he instantly knew what you wanted and leaned to let you trap his lips in yours, knowing you had all the freedom to do it as you were the only two people in the office at such late hours. 

The kiss was soft and slow, his hands settled on your waist and his tongue slid through your lower lip and you opened up to him, letting him explore once more your mouth as he pleased, your hands glided from the sides of his face to his chest and you pushed him softly, breaking the kiss and forcing him to sit down.

Saying nothing else, you kneeled in front of him and his eyes shot up.

“What are you doing?” he muttered in both surprise and precaution.

“I’m gonna pray,” you teased, making him roll his eyes, you put your hands on his thighs “I’m gonna suck you off, Javi,” you said as low as you could and saw him take a shivering breath “you’re really stressed and I think you deserve it,”

Javier was a determined, resolute man; in the short time you’d known him he never was the one without something to say, he always had to give the last word. But there, with you, kneeling in front of him, with your hands softly roaming through his thighs, he was at a loss for words.

“Okay,” he just mumbled, you nodded once and your hands moved to his belt, unbuckling it slowly “I don’t know what I did to have you like this in here of all places, but I might do it again,” he rambled under his breath when you unbuttoned his dress pants, his cock already semi hard, you smiled at him.

“I told you, I think you deserve it,” his hand found your cheek as you slid down the zipper and his eyes drank you in entirely. You loved him, deeply, and you wanted to show him how much, at least in the only way you could allow yourself to “tell me what you’re thinking,” you whispered as your hands slowly opened the fly.

“I’m thinking…” he saw you play with the waistband of his briefs and his mouth dried, his cock now fully awake and attentive “that this is something I’ve thought for quite a while, actually,” you smiled and pulled the elastic down, freeing his erection.

“Really?” your voice was as low and deep as you knew his was getting, your mouth watered at the sight of his hard length and the bead of precum that adorned the head already looked really enticing.

“Uh, yeah,” his breath hitched when you grabbed his shaft and your thumb spread the precum around his expecting head.

“And what did you think about?” you teased as you licked your lips and leaned down to lick the tip, savouring the tangy, salty taste of him, he bucked his lips slightly and you moved your wrist up and down, twisting in the middle.

“I imagined you coming into my office in–ah–that little dress suit of yours,” he blurted, closing his eyes as you licked the underside of his cock, your feet were numbing so you shifted around to help the feeling, “remember? the o–one you were wearing whe–when you arrived?” you nodded on his cock, making him moan softly.

“Yes, the way you looked at me that time still burns,” you replied and took the tip around your lips, letting the saliva inside warm him up, your hand still working his shaft as your spit slipped out of your mouth and slowly dripped through his soft skin.

“You noticed?” he asked, surprised, looking at you, you smiled with him inside your mouth and he bucked his hips again as you pulled him out softly.

“I still don’t know if you wanted to kill me or fuck me,” you mumbled, leaning again to curl your tongue on his leaking head, he left out a hitched chuckle.

“Shit, I don’t either,” he closed his eyes again and his head fell backwards, hitting the backrest as you took him inside your mouth again, pushing your head as far as you could, “then I would slide that skirt up just enough to bend you over my desk an–and take you until we both for–forgot our names,” he rambled and the image made you aware of how wet you were getting, you pulled him out again.

“I would really like that,” you said, gulping, your hand still working on his now spit-covered shaft.

“Or maybe I–I would sit on my desk and make you s–sit on me while I fin–finished work,” one of his hands found your hair and pushed your head softly towards him.

“God, Javi, didn’t know you could be so vocal,” you followed his guide and took him back inside, your hand left his length and you left him push your head, swallowing him almost whole.

“F–fuck, baby,” your eyes started to sting as he stretched open your mouth, your hands found the fabric of his open pants and you fisted it as he found his way into your throat “o–oh shit,” his other hand found yours and gripped it as you close your eyes and breathed through your nose. Some of his precum was leaking into you and the taste made you even wetter. Then, as he moved your head slowly up and down and your eyes filled with tears, everything became too much.

You gagged around him but didn’t pull away; he was making sure to not lose all control as he enjoyed the warmth of your mouth around him, unaware of the tears that started to drip down your cheeks.

“So–so good, my baby, so good,” he rambled as he moved you and your hand tightened the grip on his, you opened your eyes and through your tears you saw him; relaxed beyond words, his face quirked in pleasure, his chest panting up and down as he used you to reach his high “perfecta–m’ baby–s’ good”, he muttered senselessly and your chest turned at the sight and his words, he was such a good man, he was a great fucking man, and you were so fucking sorry.

He had called you perfect and you knew you were the total and complete opposite of that. How could you have done that to a person that thought so highly of you? Even when he thought so lowly of himself.

In that moment, with him in your mouth, whispering soft nothings to the air and you between his legs, both of you as vulnerable as you could be in that position, in that place where everything had started out of nowhere, you realized how much you regretted everything. Your chest sank and you sobbed, it disguised itself as a gag and more tears escaped your eyes, he didn’t deserve it.

You thought of yourself as something close to a monster, no different from those you had sworn to chase. You had become what you wanted to kill; cruel, selfish, deceitful, and the realization that the only thing that would come out of all that was deep sadness and desolation bathed you like a bucket of freezing ice water. And he didn’t deserve any of it.

Because Javier was such a good man. And you weren't good at all. And that made you decide yours and his fate, right there in his office in the middle of the night and then, as he panted above you, fisted your hair and came inside your throat. You were gonna tell him everything. It wasn’t anymore a question of if you were going to do it. It was a given. Now the question was when.

Javier opened his hooded eyes as you swallowed his orgasm and brushed your tears away, he smiled at you hazily and you smiled back.

“Thank you,”

The next morning you walked out of your apartment in comfortable silence. 

The night before, you had driven you both to your place. Javier had noticed almost immediately after the deep-throat you had given him that something inside you was off, but he didn’t ask you, instead, when you entered your apartment, he helped you out of your clothes and laid next to you. You knew he wasn’t much of a cuddler, but he just knew you needed it, so he held you tightly inside around arms almost the entire night, determined to provide you some comfort as you had done the same for him before.

You reached your building’s parking lot and he turned his head to both sides to make sure you were alone.

“You okay?” he asked, stepping closer to you and reaching for your waist, your hands settled around his neck and you nodded.

“Are you gonna be gone all day?” your voice was thin and he noticed the worried tone of it, he was about to meet with Berna, as he had planned, to get Christina back, and you dreaded the whole plan, he had to get inside the thick colombian jungle along dangerous people and you had to stay behind, just waiting for something to happen. One of his hands moved to cup your face and he brushed his thumb on your cheek.

“Probably,” Javier replied, leaning in to brush his lips against you.

“Please, be careful,” you pleaded in a whisper, he kissed you softly, you moved your hands to his nape and brought him closer to you. You shut your eyes tightly as he parted his lips to let you inside his mouth and gave him all your wordless love, you stopped the kiss and opened your eyes, Javier’s chest sunk when he saw your eyes glisten with unshed tears “don’t come back without her,” you whispered “but please come back,”

Javier nodded once and kissed you again, trying again to give you some comfort in the only way he knew how.

He broke the kiss reluctantly and pulled away from your body so you could get into your car and drive to work. As you turned on the car’s ignition you gave him a last look and he gave you a nod, knowing exactly what your eyes were telling but your mouth couldn’t say. And you breathed in to fill your lungs and to begin your day of pretending you weren’t as worried as you really were while the man you just acknowledged to yourself you loved, spent his day on a rescue mission that could go wrong in a thousand different ways.

The day in office went by ridiculously slowly, the minutes felt like days and the hours felt like weeks and you couldn’t get to focus on one single thing, so you stood up from your desk and decided it was then time to start trying to gather as much information as you could to show Javier when you told him the truth. You knew with him you needed something close to a defense, even though you weren’t exactly sure how he was going to react. 

The whole thing was a mess, but no one could blame you for trying at least to get him to understand you. 

You opened the bottom drawer of your desk, the one that double functioned as both a filing cabinet and a safe place to hide stuff you didn’t want anyone to find, and pulled out two manila folders you had shoved in there the first time you went to Stechner’s office and learned he was nothing but a venomous, selfish snake.

With a quick pace you walked towards the records room and closed the door behind you, you stepped to the old copy machine that was put in there when it was replaced by the newer, techier machine that now had its place in the middle of the office. You started shuffling the papers that you had shoved into the folders to try to organize them and began photocopying them, making sure the ones deemed more important went into the machine first.

You didn’t hear the door opening behind you, your mind wandering between the pages you had in your hands and the ones printing, trying to order them.

“Martín,” a soft voice called out behind you, and startled you. Your hands made quick work of turning the pages upside down and shoving the rest into the folders as you turned around.

“Hey,” you tried to relax your body when you saw the brunette agent hesitantly walking closer to you, your breath calmed “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name,” you said apologetically and she gave you half a smile.

“Call me Charles,” her voice hardened on its own and you nodded.

“So…” you gave her an expectant look, she had walked in because of you, it was obvious. She moved her hands and put her into her pockets, you tilted your head, reading her doubt and anxiety.

“Are you fucking him?” she muttered, deepening her gaze into yours. You frowned.

“What?”

“Peña, are you fucking him?” her voice hardened as she stood up straight. Your mouth fell open at her question. She was a contradiction in herself. You knew how she had been looking at you and Javier, and, as Feistl did, it wasn’t a surprise other people would see, but she was confronting you about it, as if you or Javier owed her something. An explanation, a justification of something she had formed inside her head. 

You, in your railed state of mind, as you prayed to a god you didn’t believe in that she wouldn’t dare to look over your shoulder at the pages you were trying to keep away from her eyes, admired her audacity, at the same time this audacity exasperated you.

“You kiddin’, right?” you asked her, trying to lighten your voice, she just raised an eyebrow at you and huffed.

“You come and go in and out of the office with him all the time!” she rambled as if it was all you needed to actually answer her question “you think I haven’t noticed how you look at him? or how he looks at you?” when she said the last word, her face quirk in something close to disgust and you bit your lower lip, preventing a chuckle to come out of your mouth.

“Oh god, you’re really asking,” you mouthed, she finally dropped her gaze to your feet. “why?” the question visibly took her by surprise, her arms moved and she crossed them on her chest. Of course she did.

“I made the first question,” she tried to regain the small amount of confidence she had entered the room with while you took control of the entire situation. You sighed loudly, for your body to relax and for her to know you were already tired of whatever that was.

“And I don’t have to answer it,” you shrugged, “why are you so eager to know, agent Charles?” you questioned, softening your voice. She took her time not saying a word, you really wanted to know what was going inside her head, and the temptation of just focusing on her silence and her body language was growing within you by the second.

But you had things to do and issues to worry about, so when she sighed you mimicked her and turned around to gather all the pages and simply walk out.

“My sexual life is none of your business, agent Charles,” you muttered, stepping away from the copy machine “and if you’re asking because you wanna know if agent Peña is available, well then go ask him whenever he comes back,” she snapped her head to look at you at the mention of Javier, and you had to chew on the inside of your cheek to keep from smirking “maybe he’ll say yes, what do I know?” you said under your breath when you opened the door and walked out, leaving her standing in the middle of the room while your brain returned to its previous mode of planning and thinking a way to stay afloat.

You checked your wristwatch as you sat back on your desk, your mind traveling hundreds of miles away, wondering if Javier was okay.

Javier had been in one camp like that just weeks before and had already forgotten how fucking hot everything was in there.

The heat was scorching and wet, he swiped the back of his hand on his forehead again and dried it on the fabric of the cargo pants he was wearing, hoping for one single current of air that could relieve him from the suffocating feeling in his chest caused both by the heat and the fact that he really didn’t want to be there.

Javier was putting on a bulletproof vest that didn’t quite fit him, with the eyes of Berna glued to him and his actions, watching him get ready and checking once again the barrel of his gun. Javier was loathing the man’s stare.

“Y, ¿al fin supiste algo de Judy?” (You ever heard anything from Judy?) Berna asked, Javier saw him play with a dagger while his heavy stare rested on him.

“No desde que la vendiste,” (Not since you sold her out) he muttered, Berna chuckled humorlessly.

“Quién iba a pensar, Javier, ahora los dos somos jefes,” (Who would’ve thought, Javier, now both of us, bosses) Javier hid the roll of his eyes as the man compared taking advantage of Escobar’s death to climb a stepless ladder inside the cartel with being practically forcefully promoted “y, ¿si te dieron un apartamento bueno ahí en Bogotá?” (and did they give you a nice place in Bogotá?) he asked him, Javier brushed his bottom lip with his thumb as he looked back at Berna.

“‘Ta bueno,” (It’s good) Javier replied, not giving too much of a crap about the reason for his question. Not wanting to think anything of it… Not really wanting to tell him he was living in the same one.

“Deberías conocer mi casa,” (you should see my house) Berna said with a chuckle “yo cago cada día de la semana en un baño diferente, a mi esposa eso le encanta.” (I can take a shit in a different bathroom every day of the week, my wife loves it) Javier huffed and narrowed his eyes.

“¿Su esposa?” (your wife?)

“Yo soy un hombre de familia,” (I’m a family man) he shrugged, Javier wanted to laugh at the statement but he didn’t, knowing he wasn’t really in the position to “y vos ¿qué? ¿seguís con la misma novia? la maleta,” (and you what? you still with the same girlfriend, the suitcase?)

Javier didn’t answer the last question. After it his mind immediately went to one single thing, ignoring whatever else Berna had said to him. Javier walked out of the small hut he got ready in and stepped on the soft, humid, jungle floor, swiped off the sweat of his forehead again and thought of you. It shook him. He was in the middle of a rescue mission for a really important piece of the case he was building to dismantle a whole cartel and when an old ally, another narco, asked him about his love life… his mind took him to you.

It was funny for him, somewhat, that his mind pictured you when someone mentioned the words novia, or esposa, because for a long time he actually thought he would never have something, someone that could be the parallel to that in his life.

And the realization that his brain correlated the idea of you with the idea of… that, for the first time in his life, didn’t scare the shit out of him.

It was late, you were tired of checking the clock and your watch and not seeing the handles moving forward. You hated feeling like time was still, and you hated not knowing what the hell was going on.

You had spent some hours busy with copying and collecting some more documents and then tried to write some reports, but you were extremely anxious and so desperate because no one knew what was going on and you were dreading the outcome of all of that.

Stoddard was watching you pace between the desks, handing you cigarettes while you tried to find relaxation by chain smoking. Feistl and was sitting on his desk typing his nerves away when a phone rang. Feistl’s phone.

You turned to watch him answer it and say one word, turning to look back at you, he listened for two seconds and then he hung up.

“He has her.” he said.

You felt your soul come back to your body and for the first time since the last kiss you gave him in the parking lot of your building, forcing yourself to separate from him, you could fill your lungs with fresh air that smelled like relief.

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[bothcreativitybois]

TMST Chapter 8

I was freaking out because no one was commenting on Chapter 8... turns out I hadn’t posted it... 🤡 I am so sorry. Ao3 link Wordcount: 2507 Ship: Intruality TWs: Food, hospital, crying Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Taglist: @crazydemigod666 @star-crossed-shipper @newtnotfound @3amthebitchinghour @idont-freaking-know @someoneiwasnt @crownofrats @the-sympathetic-villain @cute-and-angsty-princess @lonelymuffin @bloodyjay-0666 @im-an-anxious-wreck @fantasticallytired @obsessive-fallen-angel 

“What do you mean I can’t bake?!” Patton shouted. “It’s a bakery!” Remus put up his hands to try and calm the angry man. “Janus just needs a day or two to get some of the painting done with spray paint.” Remus explained, his truck behind him filled with tarps and paints. “You said you wanted all the paint done for the Valentine's Day class, right?” “Yeah I know…” Patton huffed. He really didn’t like the idea of being locked out of the kitchens for two days. “Well it’s later this week. He can do brush for most of it but he wants to do this one part with spray paint.” Remus continued. “Consider it a vacation.” Remus tried to help Patton see the bright side. Patton sighed. “Just two days?” Patton asked. Remus put his hands on Patton’s shoulders. “Yes, that’s all. You deserve the break anyway.” Remus comforted. Patton looked up at the sign Remus had hung yesterday, the one he’d been waiting months for and Remus had it up in only about a week. Remus was doing so much to help him. He trusted him. “Alright.” Patton finally agreed. “But please have it done as soon as possible.” “Of course. You can trust me.” Remus said, Janus scoffed behind him. Patton laughed. He looked up at the sign again. It reminded him of something. Something he hadn’t done in a while. “You’re okay doing it all with just the two of you?” Patton asked. “If Remus touches my paint’s I’ll stab him in the hand again.” Janus shouted from the truck. “Again?” Patton turned to Remus who just shrugged. “We’ll be okay. Go do whatever you want.” Remus assured again as he pushed Patton towards his car.

An hour later Patton was in the city. He had stopped at a florist to get some flowers. As he walked in he was almost floored with all the scents that hit him at once. As he looked over the pots and shelves full of colourful flowers a worker came up to him. “Anything I can help with?” The lady asked in a friendly tone. Patton looked up quickly. He glanced quickly at the name tag that read ‘Charlie’.  “Believe it or not I’m looking for flowers.” Patton joked, Charlie offered a polite laugh.  “Anything in particular?” Charlie looked around at the mounds of flowers. Patton thought for a moment. He knew the answer to this. The same he always got. “Carnation and Peruvian lily.” Patton answered. The worker suddenly had a realisation. “You must be Patton.” Charlie said after a moment. Patton laughed. “I come here that much, huh?” He joked. Truthfully it wasn’t his first time here, but he’d never met Charlie before so he didn’t want to act like he knew the shop. It’d been a while since he came here so he thought maybe the staff had forgotten him anyway. “There’s a note behind the counter on your usual bouquet.” Charlie clarified. “I can make it for you right now.” She walked off and began gathering flowers. Patton looked around as she worked. He was drawn to the back of the store. A shelf without flowers, just small bottles. Most seemed to be perfumes or flower oils but one stood out. “When did you start stocking rose essence?” Patton asked as he plucked the bottle off the shelf. Charlie didn’t look up from arranging the flowers. “Just got it last week.” She shouted from her workstation. Patton turned the small bottle of flavouring over in his hands and inspected the clear liquid inside. “You a baker or a bartender?” Patton turned and began walking to the counter, bottle in hand. “Baker.” He said proudly, although he wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to call himself that. “Those are the only two kinds of people we get looking for that.” Charlie said as she taped up the paper around the flowers. With Valentine's Day coming soon he knew he could find some way to use it. He paid for the flowers and also got a bottle of the essence. He dropped his essence in the car and looked across the street at his next stop. It was really convenient that they had a florist across from the hospital. He walked into the reception and was greeted with a familiar face this time. “Patton! Long time no see.” The nurse said. “Here to see Moe?” The nurse already knew the answer but asked nonetheless.  “Of course.” Patton responded. The nurse typed a few things on the computer before looking up again.  “She’s still in the same room. You can go on through.” The nurse smiled. Patton nodded. “Thanks Kait!” Patton called as he walked away. He began humming to himself as he walked. A small song he made to remember the way. “Third hall left, up two flights, fifth room right. Third hall left, up to flights, fifth room right.” Patton hummed this all the way until he reached the right room. At this point he didn’t really need the song to remember but it had become a habit. It helped calm his nerves. He took a deep breath and knocked gently on the already slightly open door. He didn’t know why he was so nervous, she was the one who asked he visited less. She wanted him to focus on the bakery. “Come in.” A voice answered. Patton pushed open the door the rest of the way. He looked over at the bed to see his mother, she smiled as soon as she saw him. “Froggy.” She cheered. Patton quickly walked over and hugged her. “Hi Mum.” He whispered as she squeezed him tightly. He didn’t realise how much he missed her hugs until he was having one. He leaned back and gave her the flowers he was carrying. Even though she got this same bouquet each time he visited she was still excited and sniffed it deeply. “Thank you, dear. It’s lovely.” She said caressing the flowers. “How have you been?” Patton asked finally as he pulled a chair close to the bed. His mother sat up quickly and turned to him. A wide proud smile broke across her face. “They’re saying if the inflammation stays where it is then I should be out by the end of the month!” She announced excitedly. Patton smiled. He wanted to get excited, he really did, but the doctors said the same thing last month. “That’s great!” Patton praised with as much excitement he could muster. “I can’t wait to have you back.” Patton reached out a hand and his mother took it in hers. He really meant that. He missed having his mother around to handle business while he baked. He missed having her hug him each morning. He missed her doting over every new recipe, how she lit up when she tried it, how she would smile proudly as he baked, how she would poke his cheek and tell him everything will be okay. He missed her.  “How’s the bakery?” Moe asked. She knew it was in bad shape when she left, but Patton hadn’t visited in nearly a month. She was blissfully unaware of everything happening. Patton wasn’t and fidgeted at the question. “Well… there was a bit of a mix up.” He began. As he looked up he saw her face change. She was so happy a moment ago but now she looked scared. He hated seeing that. “Uh but don’t worry! It will all be fixed by the time you get out.” Patton misled. It wasn’t completely untrue, the problem would be over by then. It was just a question of how that would happen. “Are you sure you don’t need my help?” Moe stressed. Patton waved a finger. “You know that you aren’t supposed to work.” He reminded her. “Besides I actually have some people already helping.” He admitted. Moe looked over curiously. “People as in worker people or as in friend people?” Her voice sparkled mischievously. This was the first time Patton had seen her since he had met Remus and the others, she’d not heard anything about friends. 

He explained everything that had happened, omitting the part where the bakery may be shut down. Moe listened closely, it was so long since she’d seen him and each day she just wanted to hear his voice again. As much as it hurt her to not see him as much as she used to, he needed to focus on the bakery, on making friends, on everything being normal again. She noticed something about the way he talked about this ‘Remus’ guy. The way he described him and the face he made when he spoke about him. It was more than just friendship. So when are you going to stop messing about and ask Remus on a date?” Moe said after Patton was done his story. Blunt as always. Patton blushed. “Wh-what?” Patton stuttered. He didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed about it. It wasn’t like he was a closeted high school kid anymore. “I don’t think he’s interested in me like that.” “Are you?” Moe asked quickly. “I don’t have the time to think about that.” Patton gave the same answer he’d given Janus. Moe gave him a hard stare. “Great. Now try again but tell me the truth.” She pressed. She could see right through him. Patton sighed. Perhaps it would be good to get it out. Especially with someone he trusted. “It’s a lot of things. Remus is the first guy I’ve been interested in since the break up which is a little startling. His friend has said he has an issue with boundaries and honestly I can see it. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that would date someone like me and even if he did I doubt we’d want the same things from it. He doesn’t seem like the guy who wants more than a hook-up or maybe a few dates.” Patton finally let out. He’d been holding it all in and it felt good to say it. Moe took a minute to process everything Patton had said.  “I can think of one cure-all solution that might work.” Moe suggested after a while. Patton leaned in eagerly. “Just talk to the damn guy!” She shouted. Patton leaned back and sighed. He knew that was what he needed to do, but it was also the thing he was avoiding. He finally had someone, he had friends, and that could all be ruined if he said anything. “But what if it goes badly?” Patton said sadly. Moe took her son's hand once again. “Then it wasn’t gonna work out anyway. It might be better to get an answer now before it is too late and it hurts someone’s feelings very badly.” Moe soothed. Her son was so timid, she didn’t want him to miss out on something special because of it. But more so he was sensitive. And he made connections quickly. It was a perfect recipe for a crash and burn. 

Patton stayed late at the hospital. Talking for hours with his mother, playing games in the visitor lounge, catching up. Until visiting hours ended and he had to leave. He clung to her one last time, knowing he wouldn’t get the chance to again for a while. When his mum was first brought to hospital when he was a teenager they had made a rule. No crying until after the visit. They had always stuck to this rule, even subconsciously. That’s why the tears didn’t hit until Patton was home. It wasn’t until he stepped into that cold night air that his eyes suddenly began to blur and his chest felt like it was disappearing. In that dark and silence he realised just how lonely he felt. He braced himself against the railing as he walked up the stairs to his apartment. As he got to the door he saw Remus sitting in front of it. He tried to wipe his face before Remus saw him but it was already too late. Remus didn’t say anything, he just ran up to Patton and hugged him. Patton fell into the hug without hesitation. He cherished the feeling of Remus’ arms wrapped around him. He suddenly didn’t feel as lonely. “You aren’t hurt, right?” Remus finally broke the silence but kept the hug. Patton laughed sadly. “No. I just…” Patton began. His mum’s words ran through his head. Just talk to the damn guy! “My mum is in the hospital and I went to visit her.” Patton admitted through sobs. It was the first time he’d told Remus about it. “She has an inflammatory disease and at the end of last year she had some problems with it that affected some of her organs, she’s been in the hospital ever since.” Remus tightened the hug. Patton felt himself nuzzle closer into the larger man’s chest as he heaved. “You don’t need to explain. I’m here for you.” Remus whispered. Patton gripped the back of his shirt. He was shaking like a baby foal on it’s first steps. “I felt so guilty at the picnic for having fun while she was stuck there.” Patton wheezed. Remus felt his heart break from Patton’s words. He didn’t know how to comfort people like Janus does, he wasn’t good with words like Roman. But none of that mattered. He just wanted Patton to be happy again. “Is there anything you want me to do that can help?” Remus asked. Patton looked up at him, eyes larger than the moon. “Just stay. Please.” Patton begged. As a response Remus pressed a kiss to the top of Patton’s head.  “As long as you need.” Remus promised. And he did. He made Patton dinner while holding his hand, he waited just outside the bathroom as Patton showered, he turned off the lights and tucked Patton under the blankets. As Remus stepped away Patton grabbed his hand. He wasn’t ready to be alone again. “Not yet. Please don’t go.” Patton whispered weakly. Remus wasn’t sure what to do, but if Patton needed him then he would stay. He kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed. Patton immediately clung to his chest again. Remus gently placed his arms around Patton again. He could feel each sob and catch in Patton’s breathing. “I’m sorry.” Patton choked. “Don’t be.” Remus reassured as he buried his face in Patton’s hair. “I’d want to sleep with me too.” He joked. He felt Patton giggle sadly at him. He smiled proudly at himself and pulled Patton closer. He kept track of every sob and heave until eventually they all became steady and the small man’s grip weakened. He knew he should leave, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to abandon Patton. Or the calming feeling of their bodies pressed together in the darkness. He talked circles in his mind debating whether to stay until finally sleep made the choice for him.

[colderthancoldest]

An Easy Alliance

Prompt: "You're here." "I'm here, just like I promised." & "I came back for you. I promised I would, and I did." (This Request)

Ao3 Link

Pairing: Dhawan!Master × Reader

Word Count: about 5k

Summary:  It's not easy to be a human with a Tardis. You have a doorway to any where and time in the universe- however, the catch is that the worlds on the other side are often treacherous and it feels like they're against you at every turn. You begin to wonder if it's worth it, if you even deserve this opportunity, when a stranger saves you from it- in more ways than one. Maybe you're worth more than you know.

Various Tags: First meeting, falling in love, fluff and angst, happy ending, my goal is that you will cry but laugh by the end, im ambitious like that, relationship is open to interpretation

Warning: Feelings of Depression, passive suicidal thoughts (It's not that dark, it's actually quite optimistic by the end, but I always add a warning for anyone sensitive to these topics. Please stay safe, thank you.)

Note: Please let me know what you think! I don't often write in this style so I really appreciate feedback! Enjoy :D

---

~

It's not easy to be a human with a Tardis.

It's a bit of a long story as to how you've obtained a Tardis of your own in the first place.

Essentially you found it, purely by accident. The ship had fled from the Time War and was left to rot when it's pilot was killed. Tardises are known to be temperamental, and humans are notoriously weak telepaths- but neither of you would get anywhere without each other.

In short, you struck up a deal. You take care of the Tardis, learn how to maintain her, and in return- she becomes your door to anywhere and any time in the universe.

It's difficult, seeing as the two of you can't communicate the way telepaths are able to talk to Tardises, but she- the Tardis insisted 'she'- was making do.

She translated the manual for you, provided you with food and clothes and shelter, and was patient as you slowly learned how to fix and fly her.

As if teaching yourself every inch of advanced and sentient technology wasn't difficult enough- you also found yourself deeply out of place in the far away lands the Tardis took you to.

You're human. You're mortal. You look, dress, and act in a way that's out of place in most non-human societies. Even humans from the distant future- as little as a mere few centuries ahead- barely recognize you.

You're clever and fast, but it's not always enough.

It's all too easy to offend people from cultures you've never met. Even if you do nothing wrong, it's your word against theirs.

If you had a nickel for every time you've nearly been killed by a misunderstanding... Suffice it to say, you could easily afford the tungsten wiring your Tardis is always quick-tempered about.

~

It's in one of these situations that you meet... him.

You're alone, as you always are, with cuffs scratching at your wrists.

The locals of a planet from the future have opted to skip the 'fair trial' bit and head directly to execution.

Of all the ways to go, you can't help but feel a bit... disappointed. A human with a Tardis, a person with a door to anywhere in the known universe, to any time that's ever existed- and this is how it ends.

You suppose you've already gotten more out of life than you could have hoped.

Maybe it's best to quit while you're ahead.

"Really? That's all?" a voice echoes about the large room you're being detained in.

You whip your head about in a feeble and failing attempt to pinpoint the source of the noise. Whoever it is sounds almost amused.

"Someone so quick, someone who's been so careful with the hand they've been dealt, and you're willing to give it all up- here and now?" the strange voice questions.

You spin your head around but there's nothing except shadows. You're set to die at noon and it's barely dawn.

"Who said anything about giving up?" you reply sharply.

You're scared, but that's no reason to show it. You grit your teeth and glare into the darkness around you. You can't pinpoint the figure meandering about in the dark.

"Why? You did, my dear," the voice replies, sounding pleasantly amused.

You squint in a failing attempt to make out the shape stepping into the pale moonlight.

"Me? You don't know a thing about me! I've never met you in my life!" you retort.

And you know this, because you've barely met anyone. You travel to see the sights, not to interfere. You visit worlds to satisfy your curiosity and nothing more. Whoever this is, you've certainly never told them who you are.

The stranger only chuckles faintly.

"I know all about you. A human with a Gallifreyan Tardis? I've been observing you ever since I first detected your ship on Earth.

Then again, it's not your ship- is it?"

Your eyes widen momentarily, but you're quick to force your racing heart back down your throat.

"What I do is none of your business," you defend yourself.

"And what I do is none of yours," the stranger replies in a passive song.

"However," they continue.

They step out from the dark and into the white streaks of moonlight sneaking in from the skylight in the ceiling.

They... look like a human man. A... quite well-kept and well-dressed human man.

A deep purple jacket over an eccentric checkered suit, perfect dark hair that curls at the ends like waves over his face, and dark but shining eyes to match.

You can tell in an instant that you've never met anyone like this before.

"Things have grown dull and you're the first exception to the rule I've seen in a very long time," he says in a tone that suggests this confession is somehow a compliment. "You're never after anything. You only observe."

He tilts his head.

"As much as I dislike humans, somehow- you're different."

He paces about you until you can't see him anymore because of the way the cuffs keep you pinned to the chair in the middle of the room.

You lose sight of him for a brief second.

You fear the worst but then...

The cuffs fall with a clink and your hands are suddenly free.

"For you and only you," he says as he paces back into your field of vision, "I propose an alliance."

"An alliance?" you echo flatly. It's a question, to get him to elaborate, but also a surprise.

All your time traveling, and no one's ever offered you such a thing before.

"Yes, dear," he says in a way that you would assume was patronizing if not for the polite tone of his voice, "an alliance. Your human mind is so loud, I've heard you wondering to yourself how to communicate with your ship, how to repair her, how to fly her. I can be beneficial in that field."

He sounds proud of himself.

You don't cave quickly. You aren't that naive.

You haven't made it through countless adventures- your feet pounding over the surfaces of countless planets, escaping all sorts of dangers- without being careful.

"And in return?" you ask cautiously. There has to be a catch somewhere.

"In return, you help me," he says warmly.

He looks you over with an amused smirk at his lips.

"You see, I have big plans for a certain enemy of mine. However, I don't have time to deal with the day-to-day nonsense of Earth. You help me with the little things and in return, whenever you need saving, I promise to be there."

He taps his chest with a prideful grin.

"I swear on my hearts."

You brush past him as you make your way for the door. You'd better get going before the guards return for your scheduled execution.

The sun is coming up, dying the sky a beautiful purple haze.

"You think that's something you can promise? All of time and space, and you expect me to believe that?" you scoff at his words, "You'll abandon me the moment it's convenient. No deal," you tell him.

He slips past you and reaches an arm across the doorframe to block your path. You cross your arms and glare at him.

To your surprise, he looks angry.

"I'll have you know I take great offence to that! I make good on my promises- unlike some people," he grumbles that last part to himself.

"If I say I won't abandon you, I won't abandon you. If I say I'll be back, I'll come back," he says sharply as he stares you down.

There's something in the way he locks his jaw, something in the way he takes offense to your distrust, something about the way he scrunches his nose and his brows- that make you realize he's telling the truth.

"I keep my word," he insists gravely. "Which is something- you'll find in this universe- not many people do. This arrangement is mutually beneficial. You won't be offered a better deal than this."

You exchange a glare with him for a long moment.

His gentle features are twisted up in anger, his eyes betray and old pain that you've dug up by offending him, his hand remains locked on the doorframe to block your path- and, for some reason, it makes you smile.

You huff a small breath.

"You haven't done this whole 'alliance proposition' thing before, have you?" you ask him.

He falters.

"I haven't had any need for it before," he reasons. "However, I'm currently on a bit of a schedule. I have a lot of dominos to set up before my best enemy arrives to topple them," he admits. His expression softens at the mention of this 'best enemy'.

You pat his shoulder and then pry his hand from the doorframe to pass him by.

He caves easily and follows you outside.

The dawn is breaking and you still need to get back to your ship.

"Alright," you decide with a small sigh.

You do need help with your Tardis and- more than anything- you certainly need someone to watch your back.

It's not every day some well dressed stranger saves you from your own curiosity. You feel obligated to return the favor- seeing as he did just save your life- so you decide you might as well make the most of it.

"What do you need me to do?" you ask, hopefully and yet still bracing for the worst.

Your newest ally grins.

~

He mostly wants information about Earth. He doesn't tell you why- and you don't ask.

It doesn't matter all that much to you anyway. With your Tardis, you've watched whole apocalypses pass you by. You've grown numb to it. In the end, it's always just a different verse of the same old worn-out song.

You're tired and nothing holds your interest for long anymore. Whatever he's planning, you doubt it'll have any effect on you. You might as well keep up your end of the deal.

Once you gather everything on the requested topic, he asks for information on a new one. He wants to know about Cybermen next. He wants to know about The Great Cyberwars- but only odd specifics from near the end that were left undocumented.

You begin to get the feeling that he needs to research their timeline for some reason, but he has an odd fear of them simultaneously. He doesn't want to get too close to the subject.

Again, you don't ask what it's for- and in return: you get more than you gave.

Your latest ally- he has yet to give you his name- plays translator for your Tardis. He explains bits of the manual you were stuck on and how the Tardis functions as a unit.

He's polite and- once you get past his gallows humor- he can be quite funny.

He explains how certain pieces of the Tardis controls have to be flipped in unison because Tardises are meant to have multiple pilots.

He's odd, he's blunt, and strangest of all: he's a very good cook.

He's the kind of person who always has a secret up their sleeve and he surprises you in all the best ways.

You... begin not to mind his company.

He always seems to know what you're about to say before you say it. You blame that part on his psychic abilities.

However, it's almost nice to be understood in that way. In an abstract, personal, understanding way you've never known before.

In response, he gauges that your words and actions are genuine. His ability to sense your unfiltered thoughts let him know that it's safe to open up to you in return, little by little.

Without even realizing the gradual change- he's suddenly a friend.

~

Now when you go out on adventures, when you're a lone mortal facing down the strange and terrifying perils of the universe, you're drastically less afraid.

Instead of passing through with your head down, you're able to stare up at the stars and admire then. You can safely look forwards rather than watching over your shoulder.

You're living instead of surviving.

It happened so gradually, you'd barely even noticed.

~

One day your Tardis lands in a heavily guarded patch of sacred land. It looks like the hillside near a heavily fortified church.

You're not fast enough to explain why you're there, and even if you were- the local authority won't let you. They're very strict people with very black and white thinking.

You're tied to a chair and tossed in the back corner of the guard outpost. So few people get this far past their defenses that the locals don't even have a proper prison to toss you in.

It's a long day indeed, awaiting whatever fate they have planned for you.

You're stuck in the box, alone, tied up in the dull silence. It's... annoying. Instead of wondering if perhaps you deserve it, you decide to escape.

At some point, the guard leaves you alone. You kick the chair around and reach for the scissors on the guard's desk with your hand pinned tight to the metal frame of the chair with rope.

You don't have a chance of escaping, the physics simply aren't there. And even if you get untied, you'll never make it far alive. Still, that doesn't mean you're not going to try. You're not going to let the universe- nor your own apathy and fear- get the best of you this time.

A different guard returns all too quickly. They're draped in the huge robes that the people who occupy this 'holy' land always wear. Of all the possible places to visit, you not only landed in the most heavily fortified part but also the most boring. It was basically just a monastery with a military guarding it.

You're not sure how you're going to reason yourself out of the fact that it very clearly looks like you're trying to escape.

You sharply kick at the guard's knee. It's all you can do. You're not sure if you can take them down, but it's worth a shot-

"Bloody- F- Gah- Do you mind?!"

You recoil visibly at the familiar voice.

"You?" You ask sharply.

The faux-guard pulls their hood down to reveal a familiar face. He looks quite annoyed.

"Actually, my acquaintances call me, O- but yes. It's me.

We made an agreement after all!" he hisses as if this all should be obvious to you.

"You're here," you observe, still quite shocked by the reveal.

He only rolls his eyes.

"Yes. I'm here, just like I promised. Do you really think so little of me?

I told you. When you need saving, I'll be there.

I keep my promises."

Without bothering to ask, he takes a seat on your lap. He sits sideways so the pressure doesn't pinch your thighs- which, all things considered- is quite polite of him.

He reaches down to his injured leg and rubs it with his hand for a moment. He appears to have a previous injury in that leg, and you very clearly haven't helped matters. Either way, once he's chalked up your assault to some bruising, he brushes the injury off.

"No, I'm just surprised," you tell him.

"You didn't think I would save you?" he asks, a little disappointed.

You press your lips together in a neutral expression. Whatever you think of saying, he already knows every word of it.

"I couldn't bet my life on it," you say simply.

He pulls a knife from his pocket and reaches around you to to saw through the tough rope.

"You tried to escape this time," he observes aloud.

You bite your tongue.

Yes, you did- didn't you?

It's interesting, the things you've begun to do ever since you gained someone to share your travels with. Someone who knows what it's like to do all of this. Someone who... knows what it's like to spend it alone, spending every day wondering if you're worth it.

He must hear your thoughts, as per usual, because he can't look you in the eye. He soon stands up again and leads you out.

He doesn't say another word as you return to your separate Tardises and leave.

~

Things get better from there and soon it's a pattern.

You have fun, on your own. You see the sights, you walk the streets, you eat the food. It's quiet, but it's nice not to have anyone else with you to color the world in any other way than it already is.

It's you and the world.

You and your flirts with danger.

You and narrowly escaping the authorities.

You and wondering directly into the jaws of the latest beast- only to be met with the familiar eyes of someone who is no longer a stranger.

"Again?" he asks.

Sometimes he plays dress up, sometimes he simply hypnoses the guards to let him through, but no matter the situation he's always dramatic about it.

Seeing him always brings a smile to your face. It's rare, but it's always familiar. Being 'saved' becomes more of an excuse than a necessity.

There's a learning curve to traveling the universe and before long, you've reached it's peak. You learn what to do, what to say, how to keep yourself safe.

You don't need him anymore, but you're more than willing to let him drop in to 'save' you anytime. It becomes a comfort, to know that even when you mess up, you're worth saving.

Sometimes you're in the middle of taunting a guard who hasn't even arrested you yet and when he shows up to hypnotize the problem away.

And sometimes, he suggests that he'd better stick around for a bit to make sure you stay safe.

And sometimes you recommend the pair of you get food together, and sometimes that meal turns into a walk through the park, and sometimes that walk turns into laying in fields of grass, staring up at the stars, exchanging ideas about the possibilities of this big old universe you find yourselves in.

And sometimes you wonder why this person, who's so kindhearted and protective, so warm and good-humored, keeps you at arms length.

There's something more about him, you suspect. There has to be.

You're willing to bet anything that it's something dark- but he never shows it.

He's different when it comes to you. You're not certain why.

Is it because you can't lie to him? Is it because you're honest with him? Is it because you don't ask, you don't press, you just let him be at your side whenever he chooses?

~

It hits you all at once one day that perhaps this arrangement has become more.

It stays true to its core, to be mutually beneficial and serve in favor both parties personal interests, but that's not all it is anymore.

Without realizing, it's suddenly two parties who mean a great deal to each other. Suddenly, you're choosing to help each other rather than acting in order to receive something in return.

You're not scared of danger anymore. You know how to get out of it now- and even if you can't, you know he'll be there.

You trust that he'll be there.

He's no longer contingency, he's normalcy.

You're never traveling alone because he's always there, in the back of your mind, as you wonder if he might join you should the opportunity arise.

Maybe you should voice this next time you see him.

~

When you run into him, you're offering information- per another strangely specific request- that you obtained from a library in the distant future that your ally may or may not be banned from.

You consider asking why he can't fetch it himself, but you don't. He either offers information or not. One of the rules is that neither of you ask about the others' personal business.

When you arrive at your typical meeting place, his own Tardis is a mess.

It looks... like a cluttered house inside.

The way it's decorated feels very unlike someone like him.

He immediately hugs you as you enter. That's how you know something's wrong.

You catch him rather than hug him. You suddenly feel too sick to remember any of the things you had wanted to tell him.

"What's wrong?" is all you ask softly.

He crumbles.

He remains as elegant and unyielding as always, but it's easy to feel that he's trembling. His breathing shakes and his fingers lock into the fabric of your coat.

It feels like a long time, ages, until he gets out a small sentence.

"I... have to go away for a while."

You're scared to know what that means.

"How long?" You ask tearfully.

"It depends," he breathes quietly.

"On what?"

"If my plan works."

There's a long silence as his words hang heavy in the air.

You don't know what to say.

The rule is that neither of you ask about the others' personal business.

You want to honor that rule but... the way he's acting... it scares you.

He clings to you, his fingers clawing desperately at your sleeves as he hangs his head down low, but he doesn't know what to say either.

Eventually... he decides on a sentence.

"Do you remember... when we first met?" he asks quietly.

You nod.

"How could I forget?" you chuckle warmly in a weak attempt to lighten the mood.

He smiles for a split second. It comes and goes in the blink of an eye. He shakes his head and his expression grows darker as if he's scolding himself for something.

He lets go of your clothes and turns away.

"You didn't bother trying to escape on your own. The whole universe at your fingertips and... you didn't know what to do with it.

I could hear your mind- I always can- and that day you... were about to give up fighting."

You look off to the side and let your eyes fall to the floor.

It's true. The whole universe ahead of you and you were nearly too tired to keep living in it.

You don't believe you deserved to find the Tardis anyways.

Who were you to have a doorway to the universe? Who were you to intrude where you didn't belong? You never belong anywhere anyways. That was why you left Earth in the first place.

There was never anywhere you fit. The only way you can justify your existence is by being useful, to the Tardis, and then to your new friend.

On your own... you're no one. Sometimes you wonder why you bother at all.

"What about it?" you ask coldly as you cross your arms.

You don't want to think about that anymore.

The two of you.... Helping each other gives you purpose. It gives you something to keep busy with.

You still felt the way you felt before you knew him sometimes, but you're improving. That has to be worth something.

He looks sad and broken.

You suddenly remember that he can hear every abstract hint of emotion racing through your mind.

"I feel that way too," he confesses.

His words hurt to hear.

He slowly wonders off through the room. There he goes. Keeping you at arms length again.

"It's been fun... but it isn't sustainable. My lifespan is far longer than yours. It's not worth... us hurting each other over something that can't last."

He shakes his head.

"All this time," he begins, "I've been working towards an end. I'm going to make a stand with my best enemy. I'm going to tell her everything I've learned.

I'm going to make it so that she doesn't have another choice.

I'm going to end something that should have never existed. For good."

He sounds determined all of a sudden. His last mission.

He turns to you abruptly.

"I'm telling you this because I won't be able to help you anymore," he says steadily.

You blink at the tears in your eyes.

Oh.

So...

That's what he means.

"I... understand," is all you can say.

There's a long moment of silence and then-

You rush over to hug him. He lifts you up until your toes can barely reach the ground. He holds you tight against him and spins you about as your tears splash onto the shoulder of his coat.

You want to beg him not to go, but you know he's been preparing for this. He's clearly made up his mind. There's nothing you can do to stop him.

And anyways.

He already knows what you're thinking.

"It'll be okay," he promises.

You want to believe him.

You can't.

~

It's quiet now.

Something about it all makes everything else feel quieter.

Everything feels... perhaps distant is the word you're actually looking for.

And you feel tired again. No, apathetic is what you're looking for. As if you can't bring yourself to care about the real world anymore.

You feel like you're back where you started.

You don't know what to do.

You have more than you deserve. You're smarter than you know what to do with. You're more than ever before and yet as powerless as always.

Or...

Maybe not.

You know more now. You can do more now.

You know what you're capable of when you aren't afraid and- as terrified as you are right now- you know what the right thing to do is.

It's time to put everything you've learned to good use. He’s saved your life after all- in far more ways than one. It’s time you return the favor.

~

"Doctor!" the Master shouts as the Doctor abandons him for the latest of countless times.

Why is he surprised anymore?

He should know by now that she always finds a loophole in his foolproof plans. That she always runs from danger. That she always leaves him in the end.

Now some idiot no-one cyberman-resistance soldier has pressed a button to detonate a planet-destroying bomb.

He'll be dead in seconds. Shattered into atoms and quirks and nothingness.

For as much as the Doctor leaves him, the Master simply can't bring himself to leave her. He can't stop chasing her.

Quite soon, he won't have a choice.

This is it. This is what finally pushes him over the edge.

If the Doctor can leave him for dead like this then... she isn't the person he thought she was anymore. He'll finally learn better. He'll finally give up on her.

It was a shame it was too late.

The particle is active.

He runs but... he isn't going to reach his Tardis in time.

He's alone.

~

And then suddenly he's not.

Suddenly he isn't in the crumbling Matrix room anymore. He isn't on Gallifrey at all.

He's standing, safe and sound, being held tight in someone's arms.

He comes to his senses slowly. The seconds don't feel real as they pass. He looks up to see that he's in your Tardis, in your arms, looking up at your face.

"You..." he breathes. He can barely feel reality around him.

"It just took a bit of fancy flying to swoop in, just a second in time, and save you," you smile at him.

He stares in disbelief.

"You came back for me," he says breathlessly.

"Of course I came back for you!" you chuckle. "It's like you're always saying. I promised I would, and I did."

"Saving you is my job!" he replies, still in shock.

"I had to return the favor sometime," you smile.

His face is still locked in an expression of disbelief. He's still processing this.

You decide to make it easier on him.

"How about this:" you suggest with a heavy heart, "we go back to saving each other. To adventures and pastimes and pretending this is nothing more than a profession partnership.

Most importantly, we both take it one day at a time.

And down the road, when we're done, once we've had all our fun, then we'll find out a way to go out in style.

Together."

He contemplates this for a moment.

"You won't be offered a better deal than this," you smirk. "You'd be smart to take it."

He shakes his head.

"No," he says firmly.

Your eyes widen.

"No?" You ask nervously.

The Master takes your hands in his own and laces your fingers together. He moves closer, his face inches from yours.

"No," he repeats. "I don't want to go back to how things were. I want a proper partnership.

You and me and the universe.

I don't know how I didn't see it before."

You laugh warmly as he presses his forehead to yours.

"I'll do it right this time," he promises. "I took care of what I needed to. No one will ever bother us now.

We can..."

His eyes darted about as he searched for the right words.

He held your hands tighter in his own.

"We can go back to saving each other- the universe be damned.

Every day.

For as long as you want," he promises wholeheartedly.

"Whenever you need saving, I'll be there."

Your heart is racing.

It's all you could ever want and more.

He is all you could ever want and more.

You don't need to agree out loud. He already knows. You voice it anyway.

"Okay," you grin.

~

In a strange way, you understand now.

You understand why he saved you.

You learned how to fly this Tardis. You learned how to save your friend from the clutches of death.

You are worth the life you've made for yourself and more.

You deserve to be happy- and you plan to be.

You don't know why you ever believed you didn't.

You have a doorway to anywhere. You have a hand to hold. You have a partner who would burn down every planet in the sky for you.

It's time to go out there and get in trouble and make mistakes. To fight the same old fight against every new day and always emerge triumphant.

And your partner is working on a new project. Something to do with regenerative healing using research he stole from the shambles of his old home.

With any luck, maybe the two of you can travel the universe forever.

~

[chat-noir-always-here]

Debunking “Adrien is perfect”

  To voice a rather non-Marinette-like opinion of Adrien: He’s not perfect. He’s never been perfect. He has, in fact, been riddled with flaws from the very beginning. Part of the reason Chat Noir gets hate is because he serves to exaggerate Adrien’s flaws and make them more obvious, destroying the perfectionism façade. And the sooner Marinette tosses the “I love the perfect Adrien” filter in the trash where it belongs, and starts actively recognizing and acknowledging his faults, the better off the endgame relationship will be.

 Long post is long and I don’t like cuts, cuz i’ve lost a few posts in the past using them. Please filter the tag “long post” I use it for walls of texts like these. 

First of all, flaws are just one of the many things that happen when someone either learns something the wrong way, spends too much time in the wrong environment, lack any decent role models... really there are a plethora of causes. What i mean is character shortcomings aren’t necessarily reasons to hate the character themselves. They’re more or less internal obstacles put there to be overcome in order to portray character growth. Of course spending an exaggerated amount of time with these characters without seeing them overcome particular shortcomings is frustrating it does not necessarily mean they will never be redeemed or developed and are/were deserving of hate.

 Except for Gabriel. That creature belongs behind bars.

 Most of Adrien’s flaws come from his toxic home situation:

The Miraculous Wiki puts Adrien at fifteen. Meaning Adrien has only been actively leaving the house (for public school and the occasional social get-together) for about a year. His fourteenth birthday was one of the earliest episodes and im assuming his fifteenth birthday happened off screen between the s3 finale and the new york special.

Regardless the majority of his life was spent in isolation and his only company was his immediate family, Nathalie, Felix and Chloe. None of whom are particularly good role models except for Emilie. Maybe.

He’s rather overworked for a 14 y.o. boy. On top of school, he has fencing, piano and Chinese lessons. This leaves him with very little time for himself. 

He lost his mother. In Feast, Adrien expresses Emilie was a source of joy in his life--”Only Mom can make me laugh like that.” Felix marked the one year anniversary of her disappearance.  Worse still, we’re led to assume all Adrien knows is that Emilie disappeared. Did she abandon him? Was she kidnapped and killed? He doesn’t know. He has no closure regarding her absence. 

On top of losing his mother, his only remaining parent is an emotionally manipulative and abusive prick. Gabriel has denied Adrien a birthday party, threatened to take Adrien out of school just because he can, never lets him have friends over for any reason, hardly ever makes time for Adrien and only once in a blue moon will actually sit and eat a meal with the poor kid.

And on top of all of this he’s not out of the woods yet. He’s still living with his abusive father. He’s still not allowed to see his friends outside of school much. He’s still got a packed schedule. He still doesn’t have closure regarding his mother’s “disappearance.”

Looking at it like this paints Adrien in a rather sympathetic light.

 Marinette doesn’t know Gabriel is Hawk Moth either, but she does understand Adrien is lonely, isolated and in need of a source of love and comfort. She also understands to some degree that his heart is delicate, so she constantly handles him with kid gloves and looks on him with a perfection filter. 

We see how Mari reacts to upsetting Adrien in Malediktator when she softly whispers an apology after Adrien expresses his sorrow over everyone celebrating Chloe’s departure. She’s seems pained and distraught over causing him to be upset. Thus the reason Marinette calls Adrien perfect isn’t that she never sees any of his flaws--she just cannot acknowledge or process them under these conditions. Shes too busy trying not to hurt him. She also has shown some signs of having extreme anxiety, which messes with ones head and makes it difficult--nearly impossible--to think straight. She wants to be the source of love and comfort he desires (and already is in a way) so his faults go unprocessed.

But what are Adrien’s flaws?

1. He has trouble standing up for himself. 

He’ll take a stand for others.

 He stood up to Chloe on Mylene’s behalf in Horrificator and on Marinette/ Cheng Sifu’s behalf in Kung Food. He stood up to Lila in Oni-chan and Ladybug. He stood up to Gabriel in Simon Says--but as Chat Noir, not Adrien. 

There have only been two-ish instances of Adrien, not Chat Noir, standing up for himself. I say -ish only because he was kinda standing up for Lila in the first and Chloe in the second. 

First in Volpina he stood up to Ladybug for how she handled the situation with Lila. He personally believed she handled the situation poorly (which she did--there were/are serious consequences for that. still) and although he was kinda wishy-washy in conveying that it was only because he was scared of sounding too much like Chat Noir. Her partner. Her chief-of-staff. Who can and will call her out on such behavior. 

Second in Malediktator, when he more or less told Marinette she was wrong to be happy about Chloe leaving. Granted this was partly him standing up for Chloe, but aside from her—he, Adrien, was deeply upset chloe was leaving on such bad terms and made sure Marinette understood that. 

Abused children tend to be somewhat submissive/agreeable/etc. They have trouble speaking out when they’re uncomfortable or don’t want something or think a particular action is wrong. Usually because they are anticipating some kind of punishment for speaking out or afraid of offending the other person to the point that said person wants nothing to do with them anymore, or both.

 For Adrien to fix this particular flaw, he needs to prioritize himself and his own wants more. However he also needs someone who doesn’t chastise him for doing things he likes, tending to his own needs and setting boundaries. Kagami is not that person--she’s actually quite demanding of him and cold. Her understanding of relationships isnt great either, which is why these two really aren’t that great for each other. 

2. He puts his faith in the wrong people

  Adrien’s fucking household is about as toxic as it can get (please don’t take this as a challenge, S4). On top of his immediate family consisting of his abusive, toxic, terrorist father, there’s his cousin Felix. Felix who squished cheese under Adrien’s pillow, stole his phone, pretended to be him and sent an outrageous and awful video to his friends. 

 There’s also his mother Emilie whom, despite his love and adoration of her, lied to him for who knows how long and messed around with a broken miraculous to the point it forced her into an indefinite coma and left Adrien at his father’s mercy. There are theories that she did this for her family but nothing concrete or canon has been proven--all we know is that Emilie had been having frequent dizzy spells while she was still awake and using the peacock miraculous, and that she anticipated her fate and Gabriel apparently promised to save her.

There’s Lila, as well. “She’s not dangerous. She just craves attention.” Wrong, Adrien, she’s very dangerous. She is conspiring with your father to spy on you, attempted to get Marinette expelled from school, tricked you into leaving Ladybug alone with a supervillain whom she personally requested to kill Ladybug, pinned Marinette against a bathroom wall and almost got her akumatized, actually got Marinette akumatized and nearly cost you both the Ladybug Miraculous and TIkki. She isn’t just dangerous she is an actual threat, whether or not she is the future Hawk Moth who sent Timetagger after you when you were children with time-sensitive powers. Adrien has a slightly better understanding of that after the events of Ladybug and Oni-chan, so hopefully he will be on his guard at least in regards to Lila.

 The reason for Adrien’s overly trusting nature may lie in the fact that literally everyone closest to him, everyone for the first thirteen years or so, was toxic and/or a liar. You know what happens when you can’t trust anyone around you? You live with it. You accept all these bad people as they are, without making any effort to establish healthy boundaries. Adrien certainly lived with it--how’s an abused, isolated boxed-and-sheltered son supposed to know what healthy boundaries are when he’s lacking any healthy connections? I bet he can just barely endure all the anguish but he can’t stand to be alone so he just tolerates it. Not to mention the most guilty is his father. Where else is he supposed to go?

Like a frog sitting in a pot of water, you don’t realize you’re in trouble until the water is too hot. So you just accept it--all the bad feelings--you accept it, live with it and it still hurts but you rarely complain. Because anything is better than being alone. 

I think Adrien understands, deep down, that the love he is clinging to, the love provided by his relatives, isn’t really there. But if he looks at it too long and lets this knowledge sink in he’ll lose it. He really did lose it in Chat Blanc-- just that sky-crashing-down-on-him realization that he didn’t have his fathers love, hadn’t had it for a long time, just completely ruined our boy. 

 Of course the knowledge is there. It’s literally right there in front of his face and it’s only a matter of time before he is forced to turn and look and face the music. At which point I hope Marinette knows who he is and has a plan to save him otherwise Chat Blanc is just going to happen again. 

3. Yes, he takes the flirting too far sometimes

No--that doesn’t make him toxic.

Yes, Adrien overreacted to Ladybug never showing up in Glaciator. He shouldn’t have been upset with her in Frozen for not accepting the rose. He should have told her the damn truth about being forced to leave the city at the same time she was in the New York special. 

 However, he also apologized for overreacting in both Glaciator and Frozen. And again, abused kids live in anticipation of punishment for their mistakes. Adrien’s father has taught him that the slightest mistake can result in loss of freedom or trust, even if its circumstances beyond his control. And he now understands that Ladybug isn’t going to blindly punish him for being honest with her, which he now knows to do. 

 He makes mistakes, apologizes for them, and learns from them. That’s not fucking toxic--it’s natural, human and allowed. 

 He’s flirty and suggestive, yes, but the minute she signals she doesn’t want it or isn’t feeling it he stops. He has had immense trouble with not flirting with her, despite her telling him she isn’t interested multiple times. That much is true. But he truly and deeply cares for her and he would never force himself on her and it isn’t because he knows she’ll kick his ass if he does. It’s because unlike the vast majority of his family, he’s actually a decent human being. 

 He has even begun to “flirt platonically,” toasting their partnership and friendship rather than offering a romantic relationship she can never say yes to. If that isn’t the most soft and respectful fluff I don’t know what is.

 4. He is leading Kagami on

Did he cheat? I’m actually not sure. Thomas is being vague in his tweets and won’t give us a decent answer (because he likes “watching fandom burn”--i mean MOOD but clarify please). 

 Here’s what we know and have observed: 1. Chat Noir told Ladybug “I have a girlfriend” 2. He immediately followed that up with “It’s not good at all. I just said that to make you jealous”  3. He allowed Kagami to kiss him in the new york special 4. but he has trouble telling girls not to touch him--been a problem since episode one. Yes its generally cheek kisses chloe gives him but sometimes its not and he looked downright uncomfortable in a lot of cases of physical contact with her and with Lila 5. he seemed rather comfortable with kagami kissing him--except he did say no to her kissing him in the finale 6. but he’s also trying to move on from Ladybug and be with Kagami  7. If he were in a relationship with Kagami, he’d likely keep it a secret because both of their parents are controlling of them and may not allow it 8. His understanding of relationships and girls is kinda dreadful due to not having his mom around for advice and his father’s general lack of a concept of what healthy romantic relationships and boundaries are, and, as Nino put it, not being able to understand signals very well

Adrien’s current relationship status is up in the air. I’m about eighty percent certain he’s dating Kagami--but there’s still that twenty percent chance he’s not.

 Putting aside the question of whether or not he and Kagami are official, Adrien’s been attempting to move past his feelings for Ladybug. Which--won’t sugarcoat it--he kinda sucks at. At the same time, Kagami is aware he is in love with another but lacks the understanding that his moving on will take time. 

 The main issues here is that Adrien knows who he wants but can’t have her. Kagami is a wonderful person herself and he wants to get to know her better, but they aren’t really a good match and they are both going to get hurt in the end (Love Victor anyone???). Until that happens we are going to have some questionable moments in the show, and we just need to remember that Adrien is a child with a poor understanding of relationships, and not an evil person. Kagami doesn’t necessarily have a great understanding of them either--”Your indecision hurts me Adrien,” “Adrien you and I are perfect for each other!”--and she has flaws of her own she needs to unlearn. 

 For the time being, Adrien is leading Kagami on (it needs to be said--even if they aren’t dating he’s flirted with her, given her roses etc.) I say leading her on because, no matter how much Adrien believes Marinette is just a friend and they weren’t flirting in New York, loyal boyfriends who wish to be monogamous don’t dance with other women.

 Or look this happy when that other woman touches them

Does this make Adrien a deceitful and hateful character? No. Does this make him an unworthy character? No. It makes him an abused child with little to no concept of healthy relationships. 

Also Adrien’s friends, including Marinette, have no reason to believe he is dating Kagami. They know he is interested in her and she in him, but as Nino said, Adrien has a hard time picking up signals and understanding their meaning. Not to mention the boy is fifteen. Flirting skills, understanding boundaries, and other relationship concepts are a challenge even for ordinary fifteen year olds in healthy environments to grasp--case in point: Marinette.

Adrigami and Lukanette are simply not going to end well. The Love Square is the endgame and ultimately both Lukanette and Adrigami are going to fall apart to make that happen--I knew that going into the possible Adrigami and Lukanette  territory that the finale created.

 Kagami is a strong, intelligent person--she’s likely going to be the one to end it given what we’ve seen. I don’t like to think about what might happen then--she may be akumatized and Chat Noir would feel rather guilty and may not be able to fight her. But they will both come out of it with something they needed--Kagami will understand (as Marinette needs to) that Adrien isn’t her perfect soul mate incapable of making mistakes. Adrien will understand relationships better. 

 Its unfortunate that this has to happen in order for Adrien to learn due lessons, given that he actually does have someone who can talk to him about girls and relationships and loyalty: Nino.

 Given what Nino wasted no time in scolding Mari for spying on Adrien and Lila when she confessed doing so in Chameleon, as well as how he treats Alya, I undoubtedly believe Nino would be the one to come out and say “You can’t dance with Marinette when you’re with Kagami.” 

 Assuming he is with Kagami. 

In conclusion: Adrien is flawed but not deserving of hate. He is a traumatuzed child stuck in a toxic household who lacks proper mentors. Marinette, Alya and Nino are out of the loop about his potential relationship with Kagami. And Marinette and Kagami both need to acknowledge Adrien is imperfect. Nino and Adrien need to do guy talk like two seasons ago. 

Also Marinette probably has some intense anxiety issues. But more on that later.

[outrebanx]

i fall apart

JJ Maybank x female reader

Masterlist

Summary: kinda like a quick little travel through the relationship between reader and JJ as things get progressively worse (shit summary sorry)

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: hella angsty, cheating, thats it? im mentioning angst again 

A/N: i’ve had a really bad day today and i wasn’t originally going to write anything because i wasn’t in the mood, but i had this idea and have literally been crying whilst writing it hence the ANGST (not that this situation applies to me tho i’m just emotional) also havent really read through this so ignore the mistakes

~ italics are flashbacks

“Hi, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours instead?” The blue eyed boy said, distracting you from the large crowd around you, the music fading in the distance as you looked at him and laughed.

“I think that’s the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard,” you say, still smiling at him, “but I suppose I can give you credit for trying, why don’t we start off with names blondie.”

“I’m JJ.”

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you.” You beamed at him, taking his hand and leading him away from all the people on the beach.

That was the night you met JJ, the night your life became so much better and so much worse in the blink of an eye. If you could, you would make it so you never met him, that way at least you wouldn’t be feeling so empty, so broken and in the most pain you’d ever experienced right now.

You sagged back against the sofa, tears welling in your eyes as another memory of your time with JJ hits you without warning.

“Do you two ever stop with the PDA?” Pope scowled at the two of you, you were sprawled across JJ’s lap, his hand intertwined in yours, your lips still a little swollen from the long kisses JJ would steal from you whenever he caught your eye.

“You’re just jealous man,” JJ grinned at Pope, moving to stroke your leg, “jealous that I have an incredible girl on my lap who loves me.”

Your heart flutters as JJ talks about you, this sound too loud for you to hear the small voice in the back of your head notice that he only said you loved him, not the other way around.

But it didn’t matter, you did love him, he was currently one of the only good things in your life, and even if you felt a little wary about his feelings towards you, you knew that was probably just him struggling to admit them, not because they weren’t there.

If only you hadn’t been so naive, so ready to love a troubled boy whose smile and jokes melted your heart, and whose body made you feel faint. Even though you felt he did love you in his own way, he was not the type of boy to commit - to love forever and without fear. Not like you wanted.

You balled your hands into fists, anything to try and calm the shaking that travelled through your body as you began sobbing once again.

You pulled up to the chateau, hoping JJ was there as he hadn’t showed up to your date. You had waited for hours at the table you were meant to share a meal at, both staff and customers looking at you pitifully, not understanding why you refused to order anything because “he was coming, he just must have gotten caught up with something.”

It had taken closing time of the restaurant to lift the hopeful fog from your eyes, as you got into your car, one lonely tear fell down your face. You had been planning this date for months, something special for your four month anniversary - not that four months was a long time in the scheme of things but as the rest of the pogues said, JJ wasn’t one to commit for more than one night normally, so it should be celebrated.

And you thought he wanted to celebrate it too, even answering your text earlier confirming the details of tonight with an excited reply, as if he loved you - he obviously didn’t though.

The chateau seemed quiet from outside, the only sound were the bugs that appeared at night and the soft sniffles from you as you composed yourself, ready to see why JJ hadn’t shown up. You prayed that he had drank too much, that would be the only time you’d be happy if he had, as it meant the answer you feared wasn’t the correct one.

An overwhelming sense of dread came over you as you opened the door and entered the messy but homely place John B lived in. The door to the guest bedroom was closed, maybe he was just sleeping? He might’ve worked too hard today in all the kook’s gardens. Yes that was probably it.

You took a deep breath in and opened the door, wishing you had prepared more for the likely reality, as that was what you were met with. You could feel your heart break as JJ’s eyes opened at the sudden noise, quickly removing himself from the grip of the naked girl beside him when he realised it was you.

You didn’t want to be here, but you couldn’t move or breathe, all you could do was mutter a small “oh”, as your mind caught up to what your eyes were seeing. JJ already scrambling out of the bed, rushing to get his shorts on so he could try and talk his way out of this.

Your body finally moved, your feet carrying you away from the worst thing you’d ever seen, trying to help you escape before you broke completely.

You knew that image was going to forever live in your mind, hell it was there right now - the sleeping girls face so calm and content, and JJ’s was panicked as he realised he hadn’t gotten away with it. Did that girl have something you didn’t? Was she prettier? Or did JJ just never feel the way you did, instead using you as a placeholder until he could use a stupid pick up line on the next girl to walk past him?

That had happened yesterday, and you had barely stopped crying since, your whole body was now weak from the pain you were feeling, the dehydration from the tears that had been shed and from barely moving off your sofa.

Ten missed calls, that was all the effort JJ had put in trying to talk to you, you had seen his name and face appear on your screen each of these times, but you couldn’t bare to hear his excuses right now, couldn’t bare to hear the voice you loved. It hurt a little that he had stopped at ten, not even a text of ‘I’m sorry’ had been sent, just a few calls. And without you answering he must’ve given up, no longer caring about you and even if you hated to admit it he was probably with the pretty blonde girl.

That was until he knocked at your door, shouting for you to let him in to ‘explain.’ You knew he wouldn’t leave if you refused to open it, and honestly you would rather get this over with so you can go to bed, hold a pillow to your chest and cry.

His face was full of guilt when you opened the door, almost enough for you to forgive him then and there, almost.

“Y/N, please it was a moment of weakness I’m sorry.” He said as he walked past you, turning to face you once he reached the lounge.

“It was our anniversary date tonight JJ.” You hated how small your voice sounded, but the pain in your chest had muted any of the fiery emotions you wanted to feel right now.

“Oh shit,” he mumbled, “we can reschedule it, do it next week instead, put this whole thing behind us.”

You shook your head, “No, we can’t just put it behind us. You betrayed me JJ, I loved you and I know now you never loved me, I just wish you had given me the courtesy of telling me before I found you in bed with someone else.”

You wanted to shout or scream, anything to express how hurt you were, but all that came out was a small voice, one that had been broken like never before, and you weren’t sure if it would ever go back to normal.

“I do love you Y/N,” he moved to grab your hand, only for you to step back, “please, I really do love you.”

“No you don’t, I’m not even sure you can love me. At least not the way I want.” You took a breath before continuing, “I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too… I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that and I think I deserve more too.”

He couldn’t look into your sad eyes that contained only the truth, so he walked away, away from you and your relationship until he was out of your house and on his bike, heading somewhere you didn’t care about.

As soon as the door shut, you collapsed, the breath leaving you body. And as you sobbed, all you could think about was how you wished you had never met JJ Maybank.

----

tags: @outerbankslut​

this is highkey really bad but oh well 

[freddiesaysalright]

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Chapter 4

Gwilym!Prince Charming x Reader

Summary: After losing your parents, your step-family makes your life impossible. That is, until Prince Gwilym holds a ball. It’s your one chance for everything to change.

Word Count: 3.4k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @the-moving-finger-writes, @assembledherethevolunteers, @rose-writes-prose, @queenlover05, @26-7-49, @drowsebaby, @im-an-adult-ish, @queen-paladin, @rogerina-owns-me, @mirkwoodshewolf, @namelesslosers, @headl0ng, @captvianswaan, @folietracksix, @baltimoresweethearts, @killer-queen-87, @haileymoreolikestupid, @itsametaphorgwil, @misslolasworld​, @whitequeen-ofwillowgreen​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Hope y’all enjoy the update! The big ball scene!

Warning(s): None :)

Moodboard

Prologue  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3

Chapter 4 here we go!!!

“How did I get a fairy godmother?” you wondered. “I didn’t think I had anyone…”

You trailed off, hurt at the idea. True, you had Elsie and Robert, but they couldn’t stand up to Frank. Zelda was in the same boat. And you certainly didn’t have allies in your step sisters. Without your parents, you felt abandoned to Frank’s mercy - or lack thereof. 

“Honey, you have angels watching over you,” she said gently. 

Your brow furrowed. “You mean - my father and mother?”

She nodded. “Of course. They’ve seen what you’re going through, and they sent me to get you to that ball tonight.”

You started to smile, but it faded. You heaved a sigh. 

“What’s the point?” you returned. “What could someone like Gwilym - a prince - ever see in a country girl like me?”

“Plenty, Y/N,” she said. “You’re beautiful, inside and out. Don’t you know that?”

You looked at the ground and shook your head. “No, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m tired...and frightened.”

Fresh tears spilled over. She knelt in front of you and wiped your cheeks with her thumb. Her touch was soft and warm. 

“No more tears, my dear,” she said. “It’s all going to change.”

“How?” you asked. “How am I going to get to the ball? What will I wear? What would I even do once I got there?”

She smirked. “What do you think I’m here for, decoration? Now, grab one of those pumpkins for me.”

You raised a skeptical eyebrow. “A pumpkin?”

“Trust me,” she said with a wink.

You didn’t know why, but you felt like you should obey. It seemed crazy that you should have a fairy godmother, but she did say your parents had sent her. Maybe this was the chance you were hoping for.

You picked up the pumpkin and lugged it over to her. She instructed you to set it down several feet away, and then told you to stand behind her. You did so. 

“Now, just watch,” she said. “Just a wave of the wand and the magic words - Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!”

She slammed her staff on the ground, and what looked like silver glitter emerged from the place of contact. It floated over to the pumpkin and surrounded it. You watched, amazed, as the pumpkin expanded. Larger and larger it grew, and it sprouted four wheels. To your awe, the pumpkin became a glittering golden carriage. You could see the plush red velvet seating inside. 

“Oh!” you gasped. “It’s wonderful!”

“You see the power of a bit of magic?” she replied.

You nodded, still gaping at the carriage. 

“Now, we need horses to pull it,” she said, tapping her chin with her forefinger. “I know! Mice!”

“Mice?” you questioned. “I thought you said horses.”

“I can’t get horses from nothing,” she said. 

She hit the ground with her staff again, and four white mice came scuttling out from the pumpkin patch. She repeated the action, this time with the magic words - Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo! - and the mice were surrounded with the same silver speckles as the pumpkin. They contorted as they floated up in the air. Then with a soft pop they were four magnificent white horses, already harnessed to the carriage. 

“How did you -” you began, but cut yourself off. “Magic, of course.”

“That’s right, dear,” she chirped. “Now, you’d better hurry, or you won’t have much time.”

“Wait, what about -”

“You can thank me later,” she teased, touching your nose with her forefinger. “But you’ve got to go meet the prince.”

You smiled. “Fairy godmother, I do appreciate all this, but -”

“Oh!” she cried, looking you up and down. “Well, you can’t go to a ball in a torn gown!”

You sighed with amusement and shook your head. “No, I’m afraid I can’t.”

“I knew I was forgetting something,” she said. “Give me a twirl, I can’t do it all by myself.”

Your brow furrowed, but you obeyed. She had proven her abilities thus far. You started off slowly, but then you felt warmth surrounding you as the magic swirled about the dress. It climbed up the fabric, leaving behind a gown that was entirely different. It was a glittering silver - much like the magic that created it. The hoop skirt was wide and dramatic - but elegant. Matching gloves appeared on your hands, as well as a delicate diamond necklace. Your hair folded itself into a neat bun atop your head. And on your feet, glass slippers replaced your boots. 

You beamed as you looked at yourself. You looked like a real princess - and you certainly felt like one. You did another twirl, this time out of joy. 

“Fairy godmother, it’s beautiful!” you exclaimed, rushing forward to embrace her. 

She chuckled softly as she patted your back. Then she pulled away and looked seriously at you.

“Y/N, this magic is very powerful, but there are limits,” she said. “It will only stay in place until midnight, and then will disappear. Everything will be as it was before.”

“Midnight, really?” you gasped, excited. “That’s more than I could have hoped for!”

She cupped your cheek. “You are a gracious young woman, my dear.”

“All if this is more than I could even dream,” you confessed. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” she replied. “You deserve it. Now, hurry up! You’ve got to get to that ball!”

You grinned at her and rushed to get into your carriage. Then you were off.

***

Gwilym was getting exhausted. He had danced with almost all the women his father had arranged to come, but no one had really sparked his interest. In truth, none of the girls were really appealing to him. He was nearly ready to give up on the evening. 

He took a break from dancing to get himself a drink, and he was talking to Ben a moment before he looked up at the entrance. There, at the top of the stairs, stood the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Her dress shimmered brighter than stars, and her face was one that struck him with familiarity, though he couldn’t place it. She seemed a little unsure of herself as she looked around. He handed Ben his drink and walked right over to her. 

You met Gwilym’s eyes just as he approached you. You smiled a wide, warm smile, and you didn’t know it then, but in that moment, he became yours forever. 

“Hello,” he said gently. 

You bowed your head and offered a curtsey. “How do you do, your highness?”

He took your chin in his thumb and forefinger and nudged you to look at him. You met his gaze.

“My evening just improved tremendously,” he said. “Dance with me?”

“I’d be delighted,” you replied. 

Grinning at each other, he led you out onto the floor. You could feel the whole ballroom’s eyes on you, which made you flushed, but you kept your focus on Gwilym. That wasn’t difficult. 

A lyrical waltz began, and Gwilym took you into his arms. He led you smoothly and gracefully. You were flying more than dancing. Mostly because your head felt like it was far above the ceiling - in the clouds. 

“You seem familiar,” he remarked. “Have we met before?”

You shook your head. That girl he met before - the orphan, the servant - seemed like a different person entirely. 

“I’d have remembered you,” you said. 

“I still feel as if…” he trailed off. 

You shot him a patiently questioning look. He smiled. 

“As if I know you somehow,” he admitted. 

“Maybe it’s crazy,” you said. “But I feel exactly the same way.”

You both laughed together and continued to spin around the floor. You had the rapt attention of everyone at the ball.

“Everyone’s staring at us,” you noticed.

“Are they?” Gwilym returned. “I feel like we’re the only ones in the room - in the whole world for that matter.”

You giggled. 

You took no notice of your stepfather and step sisters gawking at you. They didn’t recognize you, but their jealousy was shared by every woman in attendance. 

“Father, who is that girl?” Miranda wondered.

Frank focused on you, but it never occurred to him that his stepdaughter could look so regal. Much less have made it to the palace after his careful work. 

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I’ve never seen her before.”

“The prince seems to like her,” Eleanor added. 

He frowned. 

Gwilym liked the way you looked while you blushed, but he could feel your discomfort with the amount of people staring. 

“Are you embarrassed?” he asked. 

“A little,” you told him. 

“Not to worry,” he assured you. 

He looked away from you for the first time, and locked eyes with Ben. They shared a meaningful look, and the other prince nodded, grabbed a girl, and made his way out to the floor. Rami followed suit, and soon, there was a crowd like there had been before your arrival. Frank chose a partner as well - the wife of a friend - and decided to try and get a closer look at the mysterious woman who had so captured the prince. 

You glanced over Gwilym’s shoulder and noticed Frank. A biting fear went through you and you came to an abrupt halt. Gwilym looked at you, concerned. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked. 

“Yes,” you lied, tearing your eyes away from your stepfather. “I just - I’m feeling a bit dizzy from all the spinning. Could we get some fresh air?”

“Anything you want,” he agreed. 

He offered his arm. You took it, hands shaking a little, and let him lead you into the garden. 

The palace garden was magnificent. Much grander than the little one you had wept in earlier at the estate. Gwilym walked you over to the fountain, and you sat on a bench together. The sound of the music faded, as did your fear. 

“I must say,” Gwilym began. “I didn’t expect the night to go like this.”

“Like how?” you questioned. 

“It’s a bit silly,” he said. “My father is eager for me to marry, so he’s been holding balls and all sorts of occasions in the hopes that I meet someone.”

“I see,” you said. “And you’re opposed?”

“Not to marriage,” he said. “But I do want to be in love with a person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”

“What sort of things might make you fall in love?” you teased. “Beauty?”

“Certainly,” he chuckled. “She must also be kind.”

“Of course,” you agreed. “And perhaps a bit mysterious?”

He nodded. “Naturally. But with a good head on her shoulders. A sensible girl.”

You smiled. “And your devoted servant, no doubt.”

He frowned at that, and your heart skipped a bit, afraid you’d offended him. But he looked at you with such a soft expression, it melted you. 

“I’ve got servants,” he said. “I want a partner. Someone I can really talk to. And share my heart with. I know it hardly makes any sense, but…”

“It makes sense to me,” you assured him. “That sounds like the marriage my parents had. Equals in mind and heart.”

“Yes, exactly!” he agreed. “And I’ve always felt that when I found her, I’d know.”

He looked pointedly at you. You smiled again. Your cheeks were already aching with all the smiling you were doing. 

“I’ve felt the same,” you said. 

He sighed and took your hand. He brought it to his lips and lightly kissed your gloved knuckles. You blushed impossibly deeper. 

“You are truly wonderful,” he said earnestly. “Almost too wonderful to be true.” He looked seriously at you. “You aren’t playing a joke are you?”

“Do you really think I could joke that way?” you returned. 

He smiled and shook his head. He sat closer to cup your cheek in his warm hand. 

“No,” he said, looking deeply into your eyes. “I don’t think you’re capable of even the smallest cruelty. I see in you a gentleness beyond compare.”

You could hardly breathe. 

“I feel your touch,” you said. “And yet, I keep feeling this must be a dream. But even my dreams could not make a night this lovely.” 

“You are the loveliest part of it,” he said. 

“You mustn't flatter me so much, your highness,” you said. “If my head gets any lighter, I fear it will float away!”

“Right along with mine, I’m sure,” he chuckled. “And please, call me Gwilym.”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” you replied. “I know my place.”

“Your place is in my arms,” he insisted. “Shall we dance again?”

“If we are going to lose our heads, we might as well be dancing,” you joked. 

“We’ll dance our way to the heavens,” he added. “And may we never come down to Earth again.”

“Never,” you agreed dreamily. 

He led you back onto the dance floor inside. The pace picked up and the orchestra was playing a quickstep. Even with the new tempo, you never lost your footing with Gwilym. You also couldn’t stop laughing. It was the most you’d laughed in all your life. 

When another slow waltz came, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned, dreading that it might be Frank, but almost fell over when you saw who it was. The king himself. 

“May I cut in?” he asked. 

Gwilym nodded. “Sure, if it’s alright with the lady.”

“I suppose I’d be very ungrateful to turn away an offer from the host,” you said. 

“Come,” the king said, taking your waist. 

You shot Gwilym one last smile before being swept away. 

“My son seems quite smitten with you,” he said. “He hasn’t danced with anyone else since you arrived.”

“I consider myself lucky to have his attention, your majesty,” you said. 

“I do hope he is behaving himself,” he said, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

“He’s a perfect gentleman, I assure you,” you said with a grin. “Perhaps a family trait?”

The king’s face reddened and you stifled a laugh. This was clearly a proud man and would not appreciate being teased. 

“I should hope so,” he said. “Now tell me, where are you from?”

“Not far,” you answered vaguely. “Just beyond town in the country.”

“And who are your parents?” he wondered. “You certainly look the part of nobility, but I can’t say I recognize you from anywhere.”

“Well, I…” you trailed off. You couldn’t tell him you were Frank’s stepdaughter or he might return you to him. 

“Is your family here?” he pressed. “If you’ve gathered my son’s heart, I’d like to meet them.”

“Well, the thing is…” you faded away again, slowing to a stop in the dance. You looked at the king. “I’m sorry, I need to go.”

You gathered your skirts and made a break for the door. Gwilym saw you running, and marched over to his father, who appeared completely stricken.

“What did you say to her?” the prince demanded. 

“I asked about her family, that’s all!” the king answered indignantly. “What a high strung girl! I don’t think -”

“No,” Gwilym cut across. “I won’t hear a word against her, Father.”

With that, he took off after you. The king’s mouth fell open. 

“My word these children are dramatic!”

You caught your breath on the balcony that faced the main road. Just as you came to a stop, you felt a hand brush your arm. You flinched away, whirling around to see only Gwilym. You relaxed.

“Are you alright?” he asked. “I apologize if my father offended you, but -”

“No, no, he didn’t,” you said. “He just...never mind.”

“Tell me,” Gwilym insisted, putting his hands gently on each of your arms. “What did he say?”

“He asked about my family,” you admitted. “It’s a long story, and I’m afraid the king would never approve of someone like me dancing with his son.”

“What do you mean ‘someone like you’?” he asked. 

Suddenly, his brow furrowed as he looked at your arm. You quickly realized he had noticed the evidence of Frank’s breakfast outburst the other day. You shrunk back. 

“What happened there?” he wondered. 

“Like I said, it’s a long story,” you told him, adjusting your sleeve to cover the purple bruise. 

“Are you unsafe?” he pressed. “I can -”

“Please!” you cried. “Don’t ask me anymore.”

You couldn’t imagine what Frank would do if you told the royal family about his behavior. Would he make good on his threats and put you out on the street? Or would it be worse?

“I’m sorry,” Gwilym said gently. 

He opened his arms and you sank into them. You nuzzled into his chest, and he rested his cheek atop your head. 

“But please let me know if there’s anything I can do,” he said. “Being the prince does have its perks.”

You smiled at that. 

“You’re already doing everything,” you said. “Just by holding me like this. Oh, this really has been the most marvelous night.”

“I don’t ever want it to end,” he agreed. 

“Me neither,” you said. 

“Then we won’t let it,” he said. “Stay here with me forever.”

“Gwilym…” you sighed. 

His lips met yours before another word could be spoken. Your eyes fell closed to the contact. Everything about it was tender and soft, adoring and sweet. And in that moment, though he didn’t know it, you became his forever. 

DONG….DONG….DONG!

The clocktower chimed. You opened your eyes and looked up. Both hands of the clock were on twelve. It was midnight. The evening had gotten almost entirely away from you. 

“Oh, no!” you gasped. “Midnight, already?”

“Is that a problem?” Gwilym asked, a bit sore that such a wonderful kiss was cut short. 

“I have to go!” you cried. “I’m so sorry!”

You ran from him, flying down the staircase. 

“Wait!” Gwilym called, following you after recovering from his momentary shock. “Wait, I don’t even know your name! How will I find you?!”

You paid him no mind. As you hurried down the steps, one of your shoes slipped off. You had no time to stop and get it. You continued your escape, just barely making it into your carriage. You clamored in and slammed the door. The horses took off into the darkness. 

Gwilym watched, pained, as you disappeared. He knelt down and picked up the shoe you’d left behind. He was oddly charmed by the fact it was glass. His chest felt like it was open and exposed, a deep wound bleeding from where he already missed you. 

A footman approached, alerted by the commotion. 

“Is everything alright, Prince Gwilym?” he asked. 

“Fetch me my horse,” Gwilym ordered. “I’m going after her.”

The footman nodded and raced off to obey. 

Meanwhile, you were struggling in your carriage. It was shrinking back down into a pumpkin, so while it was moving, you had to kick open the door and tuck and roll out onto the path. You hit the ground hard. Tumbling away, you watched as the magic faded all around you. The carriage was gone, the horses were once again little mice, and your dress was the tattered mess Frank made of you earlier. Only one thing remained. The other slipper. You took it off your foot and held it to your chest. A few tears slid down your cheeks. 

“I’ll dream of this night the rest of my life,” you sobbed. “Thank you so much.”

The magic was over. You told yourself that this was enough. Your life was going to return to the way it was - you, a servant and Gwilym, a prince. To hope for anything else felt like more than you really deserved. But you had this night to remember. The one night where you were a princess. 

You heard the pounding of horse’s hooves coming up the road so you ducked into the trees to hide yourself. Through the branches, you watched Gwilym’s familiar form ride on into the woods. He was really coming after you!

No, you told yourself. He’s going after the girl he thought you were. 

You sighed, shedding a few more tears. Your lips still felt warm from his kiss, your cheek still rosy from the touch of his hand. But that was all you would ever have. He couldn’t love the girl you really were. You loved him, though. And you were certain you always would.

You started the rest of the way home. You would need to hurry to change and be ready for when Frank and the girls came in.

[fletchphoenix]

Written In The Stars

YERRR! WE BACK! Im so excited to be able to start writing again after so long!! I missed this so much!! I hope you guys like this - I didn’t want to immediately go back to the high school AU as I want it to be perfect so sorry if there aren’t any chapters of that for a few days but here! 

---------------------------

  How had he gotten himself into this mess?

  That’s all that came to Hugo’s mind as he sat up in his tent, moonlight shining through the green fabric, barely keeping him warm against the night air that sent a chill down his spine. He’d been awake for a few hours now, his glasses slipping down his nose and his hair out of its ponytail in a bob around his shoulders with a sleeping form in the sleeping bag beside him. He spared it a glance, smiling to himself at the sight of his boyfriend’s face before the bitter memory of what he had to do came back to his mind. Hugo looked away and shuffled out of the tent as quietly as he could, grabbing and swinging his jacket on before he began walking.

  Nuru and Yong must’ve gone to sleep a while ago now - soft snoring coming from the crimson tent adjacent to his and the purple one opposite it. Varian’s teal tent had been pitched, though the man in question had opted to sneak into Hugo’s for the night as he usually did. Not that Hugo was complaining about their nightly ritual. Well, he was. He was going to have to leave this all behind soon along with all his friends and Varian. 

  The one thing Donella told him was ‘Don’t get attached’. Don’t get attached because it will hurt you to inevitably leave them all. Don’t get attached even though the young boy with the love for firecrackers and an energetic personality made every day even more interesting. Don’t get attached even though the most noble, most sarcastic princess who feels like a sister to you will be beside you every single day. Don’t get attached even though the alchemist with the startling blue eyes and wide, beautiful smile that makes your knees feel weak every time he shoots it in your direction will make you fall in love with him.

  Needless to say, Hugo got attached.

  Soaked grass and earth sagged underneath his boots as mud stained the heels while he walked away from the makeshift campsite they’d set up not even two hours ago. Yong had kept insisting his legs ached and he simply ‘couldn’t go on’ from his place on Hugo’s shoulders, the blonde glancing at his boyfriend who sighed and exclaimed they should set up camp now, anyway. Ah Varian, always the secretly kind-hearted one - setting up Yong’s tent for him and starting a campfire for them before taking a place beside Hugo as they silently intertwined their fingers out of view from Nuru and Yong. 

  They hadn’t told Nuru or Yong about their relationship yet for fear that it would ruin the team dynamic or make things awkward between everyone. They all worked like a well oiled machine - so introducing how close him and Varian had gotten had the potential to mess everything up. A branch snapped under his heel as he kept walking through the campsite and down to the river nearby, praying to himself that no one followed. He didn’t want some lecture from Nuru about how he shouldn’t leave camp in the night, or Varian to worry and fuss over him with his relentless interrogation on what was wrong. He was fine. Well, he wasn’t fine but he couldn’t exactly tell his boyfriend that, now could he?

  His footsteps finally relented as he took a seat on a smooth surfaced rock, his boots now sitting discarded beside it as his feet dangled in the chilled water, creating ripples over its moonlit surface. Rushing water from further downstream was the only sound in the silent atmosphere, stars glittering in the sky above him as his eyes glanced up to examine them. Nuru had taught them about the constellations one night, showing off her extensive knowledge on the subject as the boys lay back in the grass and stared in wonder. It was moments like those where he felt the familiar feeling of guilt settle in his stomach and create a pit there, the weight of Yong’s sleeping head on his chest and the warmth of Varian’s hand in his accompanied by the sound of Nuru’s voice...he was going to miss it all.

  “Don’t get attached.” It kept replaying in his head as he recalled so many soon-to-be painful memories in the calmness of the night around him, a breeze pushing the strands of hair around his ears and trailing it off the back of his neck. He knew he shouldn’t have and he really did regret it - especially Varian. He was just going to hurt him, and why? All because he was selfish and a monster. But he couldn’t just leave Donella.

  Could he?   I mean, it was entirely possible that he could in fact, leave Donella’s ranks and join Varian and his little rag-tag gang. By the sounds of it, Corona was VERY welcoming to ex-convicts considering the princess’ fiance was an ex-wanted thief, Varian had two counts of treason and attempted murder to his name and not to mention the infamous Cassandra who literally stole one of the celestial stones and briefly took over the kingdom. Surely they’d accept someone like him. The worst he’d committed was petty theft, so that was NOTHING compared to the crimes of his boyfriend. Heh. HIS boyfriend. A warmth began to form in his stomach, before being crushed by his guilt creeping back in. No. Varian would never forgive him for what he was going to do. Ever. He was a monster.

  Once Varian had asked him if he believed in soulmates as they began to settle down for bed. At the time, he wasn’t sure what he meant - soulmates? As in..people destined to find each other? Didn’t seem scientifically possible to him, but now the possibility was creeping into his mind more and more with every day he spent with the boy. He liked the thought of it - being destined to be with Varian for all of eternity, as though they were meant to be together. The thought, in all honesty, made him feel slightly bubbly on the inside, but he knew deep down Varian deserved better. He deserved someone kind, caring...someone who wasn’t about to betray him and leave him behind as if he didn’t matter. 

  As if on cue, warm hands settled on his shoulders and pulled him out of his thought process, his head tilting back to meet the azure eyes of Varian. The azure eyes that were almost hidden underneath his mass of bedhead the other had presumably just given up with trying to tame at this point. He couldn’t help but give a little chuckle at the sight and shuffle slightly to the side. “Nice hair, goggles. Though, I have to say it’s very unique.” He remarked and yes, he did deserve the punch delivered to his side as the raven haired boy slipped to sit beside him and a mass of uncontrollable chuckles left his lips.

  “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Hugh.” Varian stated, rolling his eyes before pecking his cheek and causing his laughter to cease, “care to tell me what a handsome guy like you is doing all the way out here in the middle of the night?” Varian questioned, his eyes staring into Hugo’s and Hugo could swear that they were burning right through him, making him feel slightly nauseous. 

  “Mmm, yeah I’m fine. Just, y’know, relaxing. The tent got far too stuffy with my abnormally warm boyfriend by my side in my sleeping bag, so thought I’d come get a break.” he lied through his teeth, silently begging to whatever higher power existed that Varian couldn’t tell he was lying to him. Luckily, Varian seemed to take this answer as the truth and cuddled into his boyfriend’s side as Hugo moved an arm around his shoulders to bring him closer. Varian always was the cuddly one. 

  “Okay, but I kinda wanna go back to sleep. You sure there’s nothing wrong, sweetheart?” Goggles asked again, moving away after a few minutes to tuck Hugo’s hair behind his ear with gentle fingers and slow movements. Ah, ever the considerate and caring one. Too bad that would be his downfall. Hugo nodded, cupping his boyfriend’s cheek and leaning in to place a kiss against the other’s lips before rising to his feet. “Nice.” Varian replied, keeping their fingers linked as he began to guide Hugo back to their tent.

  Hugo’s eyes stayed focused on the back of Varian’s head before his eyes slowly drifted to look at the sky once again, the moon hanging with the stars framing and decorating it. He swore he could see the constellations in Varian’s eyes, their beauty completely underwhelming compared to the boy who pulled him along to rest once again. A ghost of a smile built on his lips at the sight of his boots in Varian’s other hands - at least he remembered that he brought them. He bit the inside of his cheek - he still had a few months with the gang left. 

  So for now, he pushed away his guilt as Varian pushed him back into the sleeping bag and rested his head on his chest as he slowly fell asleep. For now, he let himself rest with the memory of his deal with Donella far far away from him. For now, he let himself be with his boyfriend with no one else but them mattering to him in the world as he placed kisses to his boyfriend’s temple as he slowly drifted to sleep.

[dressedindustandshadows]

Crescent City Review

My book review is finally here! 😂 @highladyofstoriesandmusic @dawnblaze23

Right off the bat I think crescent city may just be my favourite Sarah J Maas book. It was a combination of me reading the book at the perfect time and the fact that Bryce and Danika are the characters I have most related to out of all Sarahs worlds.This book was sexy 😉 and fun and action packed and inspiring✨! 

I definitely recommend this book but do be warned it has a slow beginning but quickly becomes addicting. I personally found once I got the audiobook I powered through it in less then a week.

P.S. I really loved this book so if you’ve made any art or anything related to it please feel free to tag me💕

Bellow the cut will be a spoiler review so continue at your own risk ☺️

So before I get into it, shout out to Hypaxia for being a QUEEN (both literally and figuratively)

Before we delve deep into the characters lets talk plot. I enjoyed the investigation, I know many people thought it was pointless but it's what drew our main characters closer and I loved seeing that. I honestly was shocked by the multiple plot twists, I didn’t really have a suspect and when we found out it was Danika?! I was shocked. And also broken. How hard that must have been for her. I honestly hate Micah so much for putting her through that.

Character time!!

So first off and obviously my favourite if you’ve been following me for a little while but CONNOR HOLSTROM! Ugh! We deserved more of that beauty (or at least I did lo). Although I like Hunt, Connor was everything to me. I don’t think that he should’ve been endgame with Bryce but if I found a Connor in real life I would be hopping on that bandwagon like now.

Now Danika. Danika and I have had a strange relationship. In the beginning I was very iffy of her. I didn’t trust the Danika that was put on a pedestal by Bryce, I thought there had to be more. When Hunts theory about Danika was exposed my heart broke for Bryce. I know exactly how it feels for this person you thought you knew change completely. And then when Micah admitted the truth about what he did it all made sense. I finally understood and loved Danika. She is the person that will fight you if you hurt her friends but cry over a puppy in pain, she is a bad bitch when needed but believes in the quote ‘through love all is possible’. It was powerful for me to read about a character like this because people have constantly told me I can’t be outgoing and ready to fight you if you get on my bad side but also love cute poetry and sappy songs, Danika proved them wrong and showed me who I can be. It hurts to know that the little piece of Danikas soul was given up for Bryce but I know it only strengthens her character.

Bryce I also related to, not because of her personality as I did with Danika but instead the way she grieved. I was in a very dark place similar to Bryce and I rose up just like she did, but it was hard and I know that first hand. So the only thing I can say is how proud I am of her.

The controversial topic of this book, Hunt and Bryce, will they last? Personally I think yes. They have both been in relationships with a deep, consuming love and others without it so they aren’t each others firsts (which I think is super important because it is unlikely the first person you fall in love with will be the last). Next, yes they both are grieving in extreme ways, but I do not think their relationship was built out of need for anyone. The grief just made them understand each other better because I know many people who just don’t get it. I liked that it wasn’t just romance between them, they became friends that told each other everything before they realised it could be more. I did hate Hunt for lying but I understood the heartache between choosing his friends or his love, and I hate to say it but I think he was manipulated… I don’t know about you but to me Shahar seemed abusive. I could definitely be wrong but from what I interpreted she took advantage of a man who struggled with where he fit in and turned him into someone with a vendetta. I think their cause was legit and I support it but some of the things Hunt said made me question whether or not his love was used for her purposes? and perhaps that belief still followed him to this day.

Im going to miss Lehabah, she brought a smile to my face every time she was in a chapter, and although I hated that she sacrificed herself I understood it, just like how I understood Danika’s sacrifice.

I don’t have much to say about Ruhn, I didn't hate him but I significantly liked him a lot more towards the end. Same with Fury. We didn’t see enough of Juniper I thought to get an in-depth feel to her character.

Because I love you I'm going to now remind you of scenes that broke us all 😙💕

Lehabah saying she will not be afraid

Hunts wings being cut off

The pack of devils waving to Bryce from the bone quarter

That phone call between Bryce and Hunt

Finding out what happened from Micah

“Close your eyes Danika’

“I believe it wasn’t for nothing”

“Light it up Bryce” - that whole scene at the bottom

Bryce torturing herself with those last messages

Syrinx almost dying

Ithan and the black rose pack in chapter 43

Well now that I'm crying I think that’s enough. I really fucking loved the pack of devils

Thanks for reading my rambling 😩🥰

[erissthemean]

If only... - Jinx part 2!

Woah. I... Never ever thought that my fic could get so much love. I am so grateful for every comment and every like I received.

The whole fic was supposed to be a one shot, something to get out of my head for once but after reading your comments and seeing how lot of you would want a second part I just couldn't say no.

So this fic will have in total 4 parts. First one you already saw, it was mainly to cover what happened, what led Marinette to becoming Jinx. Second part will cover feelings of Marinette's parents--you're here! This chapter will be probably shorter? I can't really see the word count, so yeah. Enjoy!

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

***

Paris was in chaos. It was only a day after Jinx live transmission ended and dark emotions blossomed all across the city. It was their Ladybug. It was their hero who got hurt, who let herself be akumanitazed. And even if they knew that Chat got the earrings, that be could pick new Ladybug everyone stiil held a despair in their heart. How heroes were supposed to win? How Paris was supposed to look at the fight between them and not suffer?

After the transmission, the story about Marinette's fall flew around the whole city. It didn't take long before wave of criticism crushed the school. If they only did a little bit better. If they only were a little more profesional. People were looking for someone guilty, someone who would take the blame. And no one wanted to be this person.

Day after transmission mayor held a meeting in the city hall. It was supposed to be a way to figure out the plan in the small gathering but it soon became a whole manifestation. People were angry. They wanted the end of the situation and they wanted for their Ladybug to come back.

*

Mayor forcefully closed the door and blocked them witch heavy chair. Screams and profanities just behind the walls of small room, the song of the hurt. Too strong.

Andre looked around the room. Somehow he managed to gather only a few people. Hopefully that would be enough. The Chat Noir, parents of Marinette, police officer, director of this God forsaken school, the teacher, his daughter, this girl, Lila? And a few friends of the akumatized girl.

"Alright, we have to think about the plan."

"We can't give her anything that she wants!"

"Miss Bustier have you seen what is happening?! This must stop! Marinette killed innocent-!"

"Oh would you shut up!"

Everyone looked at Chloé. She looked... Somehow more pissed than usually.

"Miss Bourgeois, your language-!"

"I said shut up! You're talking nonsense! It's not Dupain-Cheng, duh!"

Andre looked nervous.

"Honey what you..."

"It's not Dupain-Cheng! It's not our Ladybug! It's Akuma! And she has an Akuma because of her!"

Chloé shoot a nasty look in Lila's way. She knew. Chloé was one of the few who didn't believe in Lila's lies. When this whole mess started she didn't for a second believed that Dupain-Cheng did any of this nasty things. After all, she had bullied the blue haired girl for years and she never even smacked her! And this clumsy ass was supposed to push someone off the stairs? Not a chance.

Chat Noir stepped up.

"Okay, okay, let us leave this talk for another time! We have to get a plan!"

The hero turned to Marinette's parents.

"Ma'am, do you know where your daughter is?"

Sabine looked at the boy and gritted her teeth.

"Do I look like I know where she is?!"

Chat Noir looked at her.

She looked like she didn't sleep well for the past month. She looked like she was crying each and every day. She looked like she didn't eat a good meal, like she couldn't force herself to pick up the fork. She looked... fragile. Broken. She looked like she needed comfort and safety but not for herself.

Chat looked at the ground.

"... No" he said softly.

Dupain-Cheng's reported that Marinette was missing a week ago, just when it all started. They were brushed away because Paris was dealing with other problems like a constant reakumanitazations and destructions that weren't magically repairing themselves. And now everyone had to watch how Jinx was making everything worse.

Tom hold his broken hand and tried to look strong. For his wife. For... For his daughter.

If he only believed her then. If he only fought for her, tried to discover the truth... He knew his daughter. He knew that she couldn't do this kind of things. But... But he got this conclusion after it was too late. Now he looked seriously at the Chat Noir.

"What do you want to do."

It wasn't a question. It... Somehow sounded more grim that everything else. Chat looked like he was uncomfortable.

"She... She has to be stopped..."

"You want to hurt her again!"

Tom made a few furious steps toward the hero but was soon stopped by the officer.

"Mister Dupain-Cheng, please calm down! Your daughter is a victim of the Akuma, Chat Noir will try to save her!"

Tom clenched his only good hand. The broken bone remained him what happened day before and suddenly he lost all his strength.

"I... I can't do this."

He left. Sabine didn't go after him, she just sat on one of the couches and cried silently. It wasn't supposed to look like this. She needed her family. Her husband and her little beautiful daughter. Without them she felt so weak. She felt... Useless.

She regretted that day. When she lost her faith in Marinette. When she got herself caught in the lies of this awful girl. The day when she could support her princess a bit more... And maybe she would still have her. And maybe she would still be awake.

But not only this. If she showed her support even before, maybe a lot of things would be different. If she saw how stressed Marinette was, how she sometimes looked like she was so, so tired. Maybe... Maybe she could be a better mom. Maybe she could put her faith in her. Maybe she could... She didn't know! She just felt like she failed and couldn't make it better. She just wished she could at least try... But it was impossible, was it?

At the same time, Tom was walking away. Far, far away. He couldn't just stand there and listen how they wanted to hunt down his little girl. He couldn't listen how they blamed her for everything. Wasn't she just a child? His sweet baby girl. She was the same as every villain that showed up in Paris! She didn't know what she was doing! She... She didn't deserve everyone's hate. Tom stopped and tried to fight off the tears. His little girl. He looked up, at the broken ceiling and screamed.

"Hawkmoth! Hawkmoth, do you hear me?! Come here! Come and get me! Am I not broken enough?!"

Tom felt like he was making a deal with the devil but he didn't care anymore.

"Come and get me! I want to be strong! You gave it to me! Change me again! Hawkmoth!"

He needed this. He needed this strength. Tom felt tears on his cheeks.

"Hawkmoth! You bastard! G-give it to me! I-I.."

He fell to his knees.

"I need to protect her." he whispered. "I need to protect my little girl... Why can't I protect her..."

And he sat there, sobbing. No Akuma came to him. No one answered. He was left alone, weak.

He looked at his arm. It was broken because he was too reckless.

*

When he saw his daughter he couldn't stay in place. He and Sabine ran to the studio. They didn't care what she did, Marinette was their daughter. They had to make sure she was okay. Or as okay as she could be. When they saw her, they just cried. They tried to tell her to come back, to fight off Akuma... And she smiled. She began moving, floating towards them. One of her ribbons reached out to them... And he stepped up and grabbed it. Suddenly one of the heavy cameras fall over, in one second crushing his arm and hand.

"Huh... Such a luck, hm?"

"Marinette!"

"Marinette what? There is no Marinette."

"It's not like you! Please honey, stop this madness!"

The girl cocked her head.

"Stop it? But... If I stop I will go back to sleep. That's what you want?"

"No! No, no, no! Please Marinette!"

"Besides... It's not like me? That's funny."

She wrapped herself in ribbons, suddenly flickering even more than seconds ago.

"Last time something like that happened, you believed it was something I could do. What was that? Ah, yes. Pushing Lila, this little..." Jinx made and ugly face. "This... This girl from stairs. That's almost like I tried to kill her! Isn't it worse than what just happened? If you could believe I did it then, then why don't you believe it now? I mean... At least someone saw me doing it, right~?"

Sabine cried.

"Please... I... Miss you so much..."

"And you still want me to give this up. I won't be trapped anymore. I'm free now mom. Isn't it better?"

Jinx didn't wait for an answer. She just disappeared, leaving her parents alone. To cry and wait for someone to help...

****

People who wanted to be tagged:

@lenoreofraven @crazylittlemunchkin @prussianblue350 @nerdyandproudofitsstuff @pheonixashtree @absolutelywizard @lovebug5151 @yin-390 @redscarlet95 @literalfantrash @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @amychi2000 @im-here-for-the-content @yokizu @fatimaabbasrizvi @teresarosiadeviluke2112 @ravenabby @someone-idk-is-here @supern-a-vengers @clockaede @aloeveraspeaks @enby-witching

@map-soul

[armywriter2605]

Theirs- Chaper 5 - OT7 x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU! BTS; Yandere AU! BTS; Angst; Fluff; Smut (not yet); OT7 x Reader

Warnings: Cursing; Mature Content ; Mentions of abuse and bullying; Yandere BTS; Gore; Stalking; more to be added throughout the series

Words: 3k +

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10

Tag List :

@themisses777 @snowythellama @i-am-canada-13 @honeycutelove @im-a-space-child @minhyunie-lovely @kawaiimusiccollection @perfectlyfangirling @technicolor-blues @karissassirak @decafe-jeonseagull @cherryicy123 @blackpanther4550 @ahslde @bangtanlove16 @joyful-jimin @beach-bitch-bitch-beach @sjt-kpoplover @letmebefreeblr @kaykay-loves @someslightobsessions @ttimeawayy @snowythellama @taerifficocean @bts-edits-bitch @saywheaaat @namjoonsslutakakoreanmanswhore @aretha170 @moxxie84

GIF NOT MINE

For 20 full minutes you hadn't directed any word to the 7 boys who constantly tried to get you to talk to them. You just had too much to think of. How long had this been going? How could you have not noticed it? How did they manage to hide it so well and exactly why did they hid such thing from you? You snickered to yourself as they parked the car in the garage. Of course they would hide this. Only a crazy person would openly tell their best friend such thing.

"Is something funny, Y/N-ah?" You hear Jungkook asked from next you. You stared at him for a couple of seconds before you shrugged and got out of the car, heading for the elevator that would take you to their apartment on the top floor.

You were the first to walk into the apartment where you headed straight for the living room. You knew you eight would have a long conversation and for that, you would be seated. The seven boys closely followed you and once you sat down in one of the couches, all the boys besides Namjoon sat down. You cleared your throat and looked up at Namjoon who stood in front of you.

"Start explaining then."

You were expecting for Namjoon to explain to you everything, like he always did, yet the one to start talking was Jin, who now also stood up.

“We work in a mafia/gang, whatever you want to call it princess. Namjoon is the leader, as you must have caught on.”

You waited for him to tell you more, explain everything but after that he just went quiet, like there was nothing else to say.

"Just that? When did this start, why are all of you a part of this, why didn't you tell me anything and why the fuck are you so fucking calm with it?"

You noticed how Yoongi sighed and rest his cold hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze. It was almost like he was telling you to calm down.

"We all met when we were kids one day at a park. We all played cops and thieves and after some time we all came to the conclusion that we just loved to play the thieves. It was all innocent fun games, but then when we met you, we realized that we needed to have the ways to protect you no matter what. To have all the money to provide you with everything your heart may desire and of course, make you happy. So, while you, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung were at school, me, Jin-Hyung, Namjoon and Hoseok would steal and rob small stores. Then we started to become bigger. We started to have more people want to work for us, more people who wanted to join us. With that, we and our crimes grew. If you're wondering why we were never caught is because we were always very careful and always planned everything carefully. No one besides the people who work for us knows it's us behind everything and we rarely show our faces, only to deals or important things. As to why we kept this from you is because we knew you wouldn't like it. You wouldn't accept it, love. We're sorry you had to find it out this way though."

You listened to Yoongi's words carefully, as they were a mirror that could shatter and cut you anytime. Once you noticed he was done talking, you slowly nodded your head understanding why they would keep it from you, yet what lingered in your head was why would they do this for you. You didn't even hung out with them that much the first year you got to know them.

"Why?... None of you even knew if we would become friends. None of you even knew if I wanted to be friends with you. Why would you do this? You didn't even know if we would keep on being friends…Why do you do this? Why do you even continue to do this...?"

“Everything we do, we do it for you sweetheart. We would take care of you, no matter if you wanted or not. From the first time we laid our eyes on you, you became ours. That's why we had to find a way to make sure you were always going to be okay."

You looked at Taehyung like he was a monster with two heads. Did you have no say in the matter? Couldn't they see how big of an issue this was? It was like they were completely captivated with you.

"It's like you're all fucking obsessed with me! You seriously can't keep thi-"

“We love you.”

You heard Jungkook's voice fill the room, like it echoed through the walls and made you immediately turn to him, not wanting to believe the words that had just been spoken. What did he mean we? Did he mean all of them? What if it was only a trick to make you forget what had just happened?

"Don't you dare to say those words in a time like this. You…none of you get to say that, okay? You don't get to do that to me…"

You rested your face on your hands as you closed your eyes and sighed, not knowing how to keep this conversation going without going to the extremes. They were still your best friends; you had no doubt in that, but they were revealing to be people that you hadn't notice before. Perhaps you had been blinded by everything, yet now that you thought of it, all signs were right there. How overprotective they were, how they did everything for you, how it literally looked like they lived for you and your well-being. The flags were waving right in front of your eyes, yet it was like you had lived with your eyes closed until now. All the money and how people in school distanced themselves from you whenever one of them was there.

"You're right. We're obsessed with you angel…you're the one who drives us crazy and to our limits. But we love you and you can break down right now in here, but I won't stop myself from telling you the truth. That's what you wanted, right? That we told you everything and all our secrets."

You looked up to Hoseok who stood next to Namjoon, both looking down at you. It was like you were somehow seeing their true colors yet at the same time you weren't. Like half of their face had been covered with a mask of the other half. Were you the one who was overreacting? Couldn't they see the whole picture here?

"Then tell me the whole truth, Hobi! Yoonie said that your crimes grew, right? In what way?"

"Munchkin…please. Let's just drop this. We're sorry that we didn't tell you the truth, but we're the same boys you met at the arcade. We're us."

Jimin's voice was clearly full of hurt. You could also see it in his eyes. How glassy they looked and how he tried to stop his lips from pouting. You could easily see he was about to cry.

"Tell me…I need to know. I'm so done with secrets and lies and just everything. Just tell me already."

"Babygirl, we've done the worst you can think of but everything we do is for you, okay? Like Jimin said, we're still the same. Nothing needs to change."

“You kill people, Joonie?”

"NO! We have yes, but it's not like we go on killing sprees. We only kill those who deserve it. Believe us. For you, we would do anything yes. But we're good people.”

“You’re all monsters …”

You stood up from your seat, your eyes fixated on Namjoon who stared at you without blinking. You loved them, yet to know that they have taken lives perhaps for no good reason at all was completely disgusting and made you sick to the stomach. In your mind, the boys who always welcomed you with a smile and loving eyes were no longer the same. It was like they had been beautiful white roses until now, yet their color had now been tinted with red from all the blood that they must have shed.

"Don't you dare call us monsters. We've done everything for you. Don't you fucking dare to call us monsters when all we've done is take care of you and make you smile! Don't you FUCKING dare, YN!"

Taehyung was now standing up, his eyes not leaving yours. You could see he was angry, how tight his fists were closed and his white knuckles gave it away and his tone was now much darker than usual.

"Well, I'm not smiling now, am I Taehyung? I don't think I am!"

“Why are you fucking overreacting? You’re making this so fucking shitty, Y/N! Stop it”

“Stop it!? YOU KILL PEOPLE, TAEHYUNG. YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL! JAIL, TAE!!”

"We did this because you told us you wanted the perfect life! Remember?! You said you would love anyone that was able to give you that! LOVE US THEN, Y/N."

You stared wide eyed at him as memories now filled your head.

Flashback on

You were sitting down on your bed watching a movie. You had been bored all day since the boys told you they had a couple of things to do and couldn't hung out today. It was Saturday which meant then you would have to stay the all day alone since your parents were both working.

Flashback OFF

“I was 15, Tae! 15 years old! I was a kid. So was Jungkook, Jimin and you! All of us were... You did this because of a damn text?”

“YES! NO! For fucks sake, why can’t you understand us?!” 

You let out a deep sigh and sat down again on the couch. What were you supposed to do? 

“I’m trying! I really am! I am...”

“Does that mean you don’t love us? You said it was only a text...you don’t love us? We love you and did everything but you don’t love us?” 

“Minie...that’s not it.”

“Then you do loves us, right Y/N-ah?”

“Kookie...I mean... I thin-”

“Right? You can’t just not love us. We’ve given you everything. Everything. Saying you don’t love us now would just be really mean, disrespectful and unthoughtful. Imagine if you were in our shoes? We’ve loved you since kids and this is how you say thanks to us after everything? Not very nice, right?”

You stayed quiet and looking down at your knees, not wanting to face any of them. Since when did Jungkook start talking like that? Why were you starting to feel guilty? He was right in a way. They had done a lot for you. Even the house you were in was theirs. The least you wanted was for them to feel like you weren’t thankful for everything they had done for you. 

“So, do you love us, baby?” 

“I guess...”

“Good! Since this is dealt with, let’s get something to eat. Yoongi help me in the kitchen!” 

Jin left the living room followed by Yoongi who kissed your cheek. You were left alone on the couch as the boys went either to take showers, help in the kitchen or change their clothes. Was it always gonna be this way? You were confused as to how you just gave easily up. Maybe you had to have a talk with each one of them, maybe you should try to understand them. 

You were making your way back to your bedroom after you decided that you weren’t hungry when you felt a pair of arms drag you from your way, holding you tight against them. 

“Hobi...”

“Sunshine, don’t let it bother you. I know Taehyung was a bit mean, but you know how he gets when he’s hurt. He’ll apologize tomorrow, don’t worry. Keep in mind that we’re still us. We love you. You love us. Let’s not make a big deal around this because it is not a big deal. Nothing will change regarding us.”

“It is a big de-”

“It’s not. Let’s go see if Jin-hyung, Yoongi-hyung and Jiminie need help.”

“Yeah sure, let’s go...”

Preview Chapter 6 

“Stop fucking controlling me. If I wanna go, I’ll go!”

“You’re ours. And you’re not fucking leaving this house!”

“Fuck the both of you!”

“Oh, you wish, sweetheart.”

“T-Tae...ah...Kookie please...”

[haro-whumps]

Box Boy Televised

(CW: brainwashing, dehumanization, creepy + intimate whumper, implied dubcon, fade-to-black dubcon, slavery, possessive behaviors)

Tag list: @thatsthewhump @whump-it @ashintheairlikesnow @fairybean101 @finder-of-rings @comfortforthepain @shameless-whumper @that-one-thespian @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @raigash @im-not-rare-im-rarr @spiffythespook @whumps-the-word @frnkieroismydaddy @whumpity--whump--whump @michelleswhumpyreblogs @jo-castle @newandfiguringitout @lumpofwhump

Masterlist

Not feeling like doing their regular song and dance, Ren continued, “And not a sir, either, I’m non-binary, I use they/them pronouns.” It was funny, usually, to see people flounder and squirm as they tried to correct themselves, so well mannered and well intentioned, and it was always fun to be able to say “third time’s the charm” with a darling smile that put them on everyone’s good side, but Ren had been drugged, robbed, and had to deal with the police’s bumbling, moronic efforts over the course of a single morning, and they weren’t up to it at the moment. 

“My bad! Roll it back, let’s try this again,” the newscaster said, gesturing to her companion, and then she approached them again, striding confidently, saying, “Excuse me, excuse me! As the owner of the stolen pet in question, can you tell us what happened?”

Ren did not smirk, keeping their face (beautifully) haggard and artfully dishevelled. “I was assaulted and drugged in the middle of the night by these home invaders,” Ren started, gesturing at the flashing lights of the police cars. “When I came to, they had stolen my pet,” they jerked a hand at Soren, who was trembling up against their chest. “Fortunately, I have surveillance cameras throughout my home, and quite naturally handed over all the information I could to the police.”

They had, of course, recognized their old “friends” the moment they’d looked at the footage. Just like they’d known, just as fast, that the idiot brigade had brought Soren back to this old shithole. Tyler never shut up about how cool his uncle’s nutcase bunker was, all throughout school, why would they ever assume he’d changed his tune? Idiots. Though, they did have to admit, they were hurt to see Lydia as part of the group. Just the other day, the two had been texting about a recent movie they’d both seen, laughing and debating the overarching themes. To see that she would now do this… Ren was furious.

“I can only assume my home and pet were the thieves’ targets due to a recent ad campaign, with my box boy on the front cover. Why else would this have happened? I admit, I had been supportive of pet rescue groups before; obviously not everyone treats their pets well and there should be humane laws enacted and enforced, but mine? Really? The actual literal poster boy for a pampered and well taken care of pet?”

Ren scoffed and the newscaster nodded along, prompting them forward, clearly excited to be getting this. Ren knew their old friends weren’t activists, but any other owner would assume as much, and this would be a nice little warning to any actual liberation groups. Hands off their property. “It’s shaken my faith in them entirely. I mean really, what did they even think they were liberating my pet from? I’m certainly no threat to him!” 

“Th-they,” Soren started, startling the newscaster for only the briefest moment before she extended her microphone to him, smiling at him like she might smile at a child. “The um, thieves, they, hurt me,” Soren said, revealing yet another injury, one Ren hadn’t seen thanks to his beautiful hair. He pulled back the golden curtain and they got to see a circle of red, blood sticking some of the hair to Soren’s poor temple, and another surge of anger flared. “M-my owner has, never hurt me, a-and, they, did.”

Ren needed to reward Soren. So brave, so useful.

“Oh, angel,” Ren murmured, petting along the underside of the wound, while the newscaster turned to the camera, microphone to her own chin, and made some sort of quip. “Don’t worry, angel, I’m here, we’re heading home soon.” 

“Thank you, thank you Exalted,” Soren murmured, leaning into them, trembling and needy and in all aspects, just like Ren liked him, except he’d been taken from them and injured by filthy, disgusting hands that were not Ren’s. Nevermind that Ren had once felt fondly towards almost all of those people, nevermind that Ren had considered them to be theirs much the same as they had once considered Soren. Soren was different now. Soren was brainwashed and needy and perfect. And he took priority over those traitors.

Ren dealt with the police. Ren dealt with the flashing lights and stupid, idiotic paperwork that they could have just sent to their lawyer. Ren finally, finally got Soren into their car, tutting at him and helping him buckle when his shaking hands struggled with the unfamiliar clasp. Unfamiliar, because as far as he was concerned, he’d never actually been in a car, before. Because he was fumbling, new, foalish, and reliant on Ren. The reminder of how much he needed them pacified them, a bit. Enough. 

When they left the stupid little woodland area Tyler’s family kept so dogmatically “natural,” they glanced in their rear view mirror and saw a particularly delicious sight.

Soren’s mother hadn’t gotten a different pickup truck since fucking high school. It was a very, very beat up old junker, rattling and wheezing and jerking with every mile, the AC broken and radio stuck on a single station. Fuckoff ugly brown. She’d separated from her husband back in Ren’s youth, though if the two had gotten back together, Ren didn’t know. He was there with her now, though, getting out of her car as she stood, driver’s side open, worried lip between her teeth as she stared into the wooded area, at the procession of police cars leaving, Ren’s own car gone unnoticed in the exeunt.

She would never see her son again, outside of advertisements and news reports. Neither would Soren’s father. He was Ren’s now, and the whole world had better just get used to that. Soren had already accepted it, Ren thought, lifting their hand to stroke his golden hair at a red light. Soren knew his place, now. Soren accepted that he was owned, like he had always deserved to be. 

Once inside, Ren took Soren directly to their bedroom, Soren limping on his scabbed heels but eagerly keeping up. They tore off his ruined nightgown--it would never serve as anything other than a reminder of last night--and pushed him down onto the bed.

“You never wanted to go with them,” Ren said,taking off their own sweater.

“I-I didn’t!” Soren insisted, looking nervous again. Good.

“You wanted to come back here, you wanted me to find you and bring you home.”

“More than anything! Yes, Exalted, more than anything else! I never wanted to be stolen!”

Ren shoved him down into the mattress, hard. “Prove it,” Ren ordered, and kissed him rough. Soren kissed back, desperate, shivering, scared and probably tired and still so, so eager, so needy, just like Ren had ordered, just like Soren was meant to be.

“You’re mine,” Ren hissed as they flipped the two of them, pulling Soren into their lap.

“Yours!”

“You belong to me,” Ren stated, handing Soren the lube.

“I do! I don’t belong to anyone else.”

“You think only of me, you want only for me, you desire nothing and no one but me.”

“Yes, Exalted, yes, you’re right, I do, I only want you, I was so scared, I wanted to be here, please, my Exalted, my god, I love you, I want to worship only you, please!”

“Good boy,” Ren murmured, petting at his soft skin. “Take your comfort in me, pet. Take comfort in my body.”

Soren rode them, just like a sweet, darling whore, noisy and whimpering and trembling with fear and relief and need and want all the while. He really did show how much he needed them, how much he wanted to please Ren at the exclusion of all else.

After, they cradled him in their arms, just like he deserved. He’d earned it. “Oh darling, you’ve had such a hard night, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Soren whispered,  nuzzling in closer to their chest. They pet his head and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“It’s all alright now,” Ren murmured. “It’s all alright; you’re here again, you’re safe now.”

“Exalted?” Soren asked, voice gone high and pleading. Ren arched their eyebrows. “May I sleep here, in your room?”

“For tonight, pet,” Ren allowed. Soren looked distressed. “Darling, angel, sweetheart, you can’t sleep in my bed every night. I don’t sleep well with other people in the room. Staying in here is a treat, or a special comfort: only for rare occasions.” 

Soren nodded, looking miserable, and Ren smiled at their pet. “Darling, I cannot stand to see you so,” they murmured, face appropriately sympathetic when Soren’s gaze jerked up to their face. “How about this? I’ll get online today and order some nice cuffs, and at night I’ll chain you to your bed?” They were brilliant, that was a great idea. And Soren would see it like the gift it was, not as Ren being even more possessive than they already were. Haha!

“Oh, yes, yes Exalted, please!” Soren gasped, pressing up into them.

“I’ll get it fingerprinted so that the locks can’t be picked like your stupid door’s.” Though in truth, they’d spent part of the morning considering changing that door out for one that opened to thumprinting. And the balcony doors. “Oh, but, if you need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night…” they realized aloud, less pleased.

“I’ll hold it, I can hold it, I don’t use the bathroom at night anyway, Exalted, please, please chain me to the bed!”

Ren snorted and caressed his face. “Eager pet. Very well, if it will help soothe your delicate nerves.” Ren kissed him. “We could key it to your thumbprints, too. No one trying to steal you would ever guess I’d let you unlock your own cuffs, and you’d never tell them.” Ren gripped him tightly by the hair. “Right, angel?”

“Never,” Soren rushed, “never, never, never Exalted, I don’t want to be taken again!”

“That’s right,” Ren murmured, stroking their fingers through that hair and kissing him again, all soft and easy. “That’s my precious boy.” Ren hummed, thinking. “We’ll get silk lining for the cuffs, to protect your skin. Lengthy chain so you can still shift in your sleep and your arms won’t be above your head. Nothing bulky enough to bruise you if you accidentally roll on top of it.”

“Th-thank you, Exalted, you always take such good care of me.”

Ren kissed his forehead. “That’s right; I do. Now go ahead and rest, sweetheart, you’ve earned the day off.”

And they had the pleasure of watching Soren sink into the soft mattress of Ren’s bed, cushy duvet pulled up over him, sweet and soft and freshly fucked, and fall asleep. They stroked his hair idly, then pulled out their laptop, ordering the custom chains and a new home-security system. 

And would you look at that. They were on the news.

Next

[zxddy-panther]

Blessed

A/N: Hey guysss! I really feel so bad for not writing at all but I finally have something out for you guys. For all those who are still wondering, yes I am still going to write my Summer Walker inspired BP series. I just have to get all these drafts posted for yall before I post them. This one kind of took a while so I hope you all enjoy it. Also if you want to read all my stories I do have a masterlist posted but all my works are on my wattpad (@zxddy_panther)

Erik X Black!reader

Summary: A breakup between you and Erik has led you both into a deep hole of despair but there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warning: Self harm, depression, some fluff later on

 You wandered the rainy streets of Albany with your dark hoodie, walking slowly in despair. Body slouched and face drooping with sorrow, your mind replaying the moments of weeks ago. The yelling, the harsh words, the tears, and worst of all: the breakup. The relationship truly wasn't bad but you woke up to the harsh reality that it was you. It was your own mind that was pressuring you to believe things that weren't true, that weren't real. It ultimately broke your relationship and you had no one to blame but yourself. It has become your biggest and deepest regret letting him go because you truly did love this man.    

You loved Erik Stevens but you just didn't know if he loved you too.      

*****    

The key allowed access to your cold, dark apartment as you tracked your wet rain boots onto your floor. You slipped them off and set them near the door and headed towards the bathroom, ready to commit yourself to the same miserable regime. Turning on the lights and looking forward, you stared into the eyes of a now lost soul. You were disgusted by the person in the mirror because THEY ruined your conscience. THEY ruined your self esteem and THEY ruined your relationship but you soon realized that they.....is you. Your eyes welled with tears as you threw off your damp sweater and opened the drawer under the sink. Grabbing the razor you quickly put it against the skin of your arm and pulled back with speed. Your actions slowed as you watched the dark red blood begin to rise up from the long cut along your brown skin. A numb feeling washed over you as you continued the motion over and over and over again. Place, push, and drag. Place, push, and drag.

You looked down at your numb and bloody arm with tears streaming down your face. Tear drops fell onto the many wounds and made you hiss in pain. "I've gotta get this shit cleaned up" you thought. Your body makes its way towards the bathtub to fill it with warm water. After you removed all your clothes you looked at yourself once more in the mirror. The now scarred lines that ran across your thighs and your new stripes shone red all across your arm. This will always remind you that you deserved this. Your head slowly turned back to the tub that was done filling up, you headed towards it. Placing one leg after another into the bath water, you allowed yourself to completely submerge yourself in the liquid and drowned yourself in utter silence.    

*******    

Its been about 40 minutes since you started staring at the ceiling fan in your room just mindlessly thinking. You felt so empty and physically drained from all the tears and emotions that you have been letting out. A silent buzzing from your phone woke you from your trance. You rolled on your bed towards your night stand and grabbed the phone to check who was calling you. The caller ID read: Erik. Everything froze and your world stood completely still. You were shocked and had no idea what to do as your hands shook frantically. The vibrating stopped and you took a look at your phone again to see that you had 10 missed calls from him prior to this. "How did I not hear this?" you thought to yourself. "Do I call him back?" The ring quickly started back up and you hit the answer button as fast as you could. Putting the phone to your ear, you took a deep breath and spoke for the first time in weeks.    

"Hello?" you whispered. All that could be heard was ragged breathing on the other line. You sat and listened, waiting for any type of response.    

A hushed "Y/N?" came from the other side. Your eyes shot opened and your heart rate increased.    

"Yes Erik...."    

"Y/N.." you waited. "I-I need you please. Im freaking out baby please come back I cant do this without you. I need you here with me Y/N. Please come back to me."    

You quickly ended the call and shot up from your bed. Throwing on some clothes, you headed towards the kitchen and grabbed your car keys.    

*******      

You arrived at Erik's door step feeling crazy for even doing this. You fumbled with your keys to find his spare house key still attached. Inserting the key into the lock, turning it, and pushing the door open you were greeted with a body curled up in corner of the living room. Erik was rocking himself back and forth, sobbing, repeatedly saying your name. You used your foot to close the door and his head shot up.    

He looked just as tired and drained as you. His once beautifully braided locs were now frizzed and out of braids. Dark brown bags surrounded his eyes as if he hasn't slept for days. You slowly walked towards him while he rose to his feet. The two of you kept your distance, standing awkwardly in the middle of his living room, until his eyes met yours. When your eyes locked it was like your emotions were also in sync with one another. You watched his eyes start to well up and his face begin to distort as he tried to hold his tears back. Closing the distance, you began to walk towards him and cupped your hand on his cheek. His eyes slowly closed as he leaned into your touch, allowing his tears to finally fall.    

"Baby..." he let out. "I-I need you in my life. Its like I-I." His hands began to shake as he brought them up, clenching his fists." Its like I cant live without you Y/N. I don't want to live without you." He looked down and quickly grabbed your hands to hold. "What happened? What happened to us? Was it me? Because if it was I swear to Bast that I'll fix it just- just give me another chance" The volume of his voice started to pick up. "Please come back to me Y/N." His hands gradually rose up to grab your arms softly but, even his gentle touch caused great pain to your wounds. You snatched your arms away and hissed in pain. He looked up at you with a confused look plastered on his face.       

Erik had a feeling to what was going on but, he just didnt want to belive it. You promised him months ago that you wouldn't revert back to hurting yourself. He prayed that he was wrong but  lifting up your sleeves revealed the harsh red lines across your arms. He closed his eyes as more tears fell from his droppy eyes.    

"Y/n. Did I do this to you?" He brought his hand up to your face and brushed your tear away with his thumb.     

"No no. It wasnt you Erik. It was never you." You decided that it was time to let him know the truth. The weight that you've been carrying on your shoulders has gotten heavy enough.    

*********    

"Y/N...Im sorry. I shouldnt have left-" You placed a finger over his lips which stopped his words. Your eyes took him in again once more. His skin and lips still as soft as you remembered. The message was clear as day when the two of you locked eyes. Erik took your face in his hands once and placed his lips on yours. Both of your lips moved in sync while tears came streaming down your faces. He slowly sucked on your bottom lip and let out a small sigh. He missed this. He missed you.    

You pulled away for breath but held fast to his body.      

"No Erik. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like this. That I made you feel like this was all your fault when it wasn't. It was mine. I was always so insecure about how you truly felt about me and-" Tears started to choke you up but this time you let them fall. You were so tired of holding back your feelings and thoughts. "And I always felt like you didn't love me as much as I love you."    

The phrase replayed itself in his mind. This was the first time that anyone had said that they loved him. His troubled past had put him in the mindset that he could never be loved. Today was the day that he was finally proven wrong. He always knew that he had a great girl who always found time to see him, even in the worst circumstances. Someone who was always down for him, and someone who would never leave his side.

You heard him begin to chuckle as his smile spread across his face. You looked up at him confused, feeling stupid for confessing your deepest feelings.    

"Whatever Erik" You began to turn away from him and started heading towards the door until he grabbed your hand, pulling you back into his chest. He looked down at you while resting his hand on the small of your back. His dark ember eyes starred deeply into yours, unraveling you as you stood.    

"If only you knew how much I love you. I'm so blessed to have you in my life but I need you to know that-" He brought his face closer to yours, looking from your lips to your eyes. " I love you more than words can say."    

(Please message/repost to let me know if you want to be on the taglist because im still tagging random people :/ )

Taglist: @chaneajoyyy​ @wakandanblogger​ @wakandamama​ @marvelheaux​ @melaninmarvelgirl62​ @killmongersgurl​ @killmonger-dolan​ @heyauntieeee​ @hearteyes-for-killmonger​ @eriksjournal​ @hearteyes-ficrecs​ @justanotherloveaffair​ @theunsweetenedtruth​ @supersizemeplz​

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love -Part 6

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

A/N: Apologies my read more isnt working! WTF??

Chris had held my hand the entire the time we walked the red carpet, where as usually my arm would casually be linked with his when i attended events with him. When he stopped for photo's he pulled me close, his hand either resting on my hip or the small of my back. The press covering the Charity Event had been all over us as soon as it was apparent that i was now more than just a friend. This news had blown up on social media and gossip columns of course!

"Will you put that down and eat" Chris mumbled as he walked into the kitchen to find me on the ipad again.

"Its been days and their still going on about it! Your fans hate me now by the way!"

"Babe we knew they'd be some hate, just stop looking at it. Remember its not good for the baby if you stress yourself out" he said sitting next to me and pulling the ipad from my hands "no more of that"

"Fine" i rolled my eyes stabbing a piece of fruit and popping it in my mouth"

"It will calm down i promise"

"Yeah eventually, then we're gonna drop the baby bombshell and all hell will break loose again"

"It will be fine, im sure theres plenty of nice things being said. Its just your only looking at the bad"

"Your lucky i love you Evans" i shook my head as i stabbed another piece of fruit, when I looked up Chris was looking at me with a huge cheesy smile "why are you smiling at me like that?"

"You just said you love me" he said smugly, i instantly felt myself start to panic..... shit, was it too soon to admit that??

"Well of course i love you...." i shrugged casually even though my heart was racing "your my best friend...."

"I love you too" he said quickly stopping my nervous ramblings as he leant forward pressing a kiss to my lips. We were soon interrupted by my cell phone ringing "ignore it" he mumbled against my lips making me laugh.

"I cant its probably your mom"

"Way to kill the mood sweetheart"

"Im sorry baby" i reached for my phone and quickly answered before it cut off.

"Hi Lisa"

"Hey sweetie, the girls and me are going to take you out for lunch today"

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine i promise"

"Shanna said she had been texting you and you seemed down so we're taking you out to take your mind off it"

"I don't even have anything to wear, I'm still at Chris's...."

"Well, we'll pick you up at your place at say 13:00? That gives you plenty of time to get home and dressed for lunch"

"Yeah okay, i guess that works"

"Okay, well i'll let you go and i'll see you at 13:00"

"See you then" i ended the call and turned to Chris "i gotta go"

"What, why?"

"Your mom and sisters are taking me to lunch to cheer me up apparently"

"So why do you have to leave now?"

"Because i haven't got anything to wear here, everything i had is dirty and i cant go to lunch in your shirt" i rolled my eyes at him "id better get my stuff together and get home. Their picking me up at 13:00" i gave him a quick kiss and walked out heading to his bedroom to get my things.

After shoving my dirty clothes back into my bag and pulling on my shorts i headed back out to find Chris sitting at the dining table staring out the window.

"You okay?" I asked running my fingers through his hair and placing a kiss to the side of his head. Chris looked up at me nodding with a smile before pulling me into his lap.

"I don't want you to go" he pouted making me chuckle.

"I gotta go baby, you know how difficult it is to tell your mom and sisters no"

"Move in with me" he suddenly said, i thought he was joking but when i leant back to look at him he was obviously being dead serious.

"What??"

"It makes sense that you move in, i mean your here with me more than your at your place anyway. Plus i want you and the baby here with me"

"Your serious aren't you...."

"Of course i am, it feels right when your here"

"Okay...." i nodded with a smile "if your sure thats what you want?"

"Yes!!"

"I still gotta go now though" i laughed before kissing him quickly and jumping up "i love you!" I called as i neared the front door.

"I love you too!".

Lunch was at a little place called 'Lou's' it was a small family run Italian place Chris and I found years ago and absolutely loved. We were seated in back as soon as we arrived and the four of us were soon eating lunch and chatting away.

"I still cant believe you and Chris are finally together" Carly said taking a mouthful of her wine "and... pregnant" she whispered the last part.

"Yeah i know, it came as a bit of a shock to us too but I'm glad it happened. His honestly the best man i know" i said feeling myself blush.

"I think you make a cute couple" Shanna added smiling at me, we'd always gotten along well she was one of my closest friends.

"Thanks Shan, that means alot" i picked up my glass of water and took a sip.

The waitress approached our table offering to top up the wine glasses, as she got to mine i stopped her quickly and just asked for some more water. She looked at me with raised eyebrows, her name was Debra and she was so used to serving Chris and me and me usually drinking too much wine!

"Your not drinking?"

"Jesus Debra, you say that like Ive got a drinking problem" i joke with her "no, I'm just not feeling too great today so avoiding the alcohol"

"Your not pregnant are you!?" She laughed.

"Oh god no! Im fine really"

"Okay just checking" she winked and walked off.

"When are you guys gonna announce the news?" Shanna asked quietly from beside me.

"If i had my way? Never!"

"Sweetheart you'll be fine" Lisa added trying to be supportive, the truth was there was nothing anyone could say that would make me believe it would be okay.

"Im terrified, the things ive read online since that Charity Gala.... i can only imagine what will be said about this"

"We're all here for you both, you can always come to Boston and stay with us if you need a break"

"Thank you Lisa, when do you all head back to Boston?"

"End of the month, we'll come back nearer the time of.... you know" she nodded at my stomach.

"You don't have to do that...."

"I want to, your gonna need family around you"

"Im coming too!" Shanna added taking hold of my hand.

"You guys are the best, I've always thought of you as family.... you know i don't have anything to do with my own family...so I'm grateful for you all"

While we were eating desert i got a message from Chris.

Hey sweetheart, your coming back here tonight right? Xx

"Is that brother of mine texting you already?" Shanna nudged me playfully.

"Yeah" i smiled as i replied to the message.

Hey babe, yeah i'll be back tonight after I've picked up some clean clothes and things xx

You need me to pick you up? Xx

Sure, i'll text you when I'm home. We're just finishing up desert shouldn't be much longer xx

I'll be waiting for your message, i miss you! Xx

Your so needy! :p xx

Miss you too though xx

"I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" i told the girls before getting up and making my way out back.

Once i was done and was making my way back to our table i was suddenly approached by a guy holding a camera who was constantly snapping photo's of me.

"Excuse me sir you cant be in here doing that!" I heard Lou say loudly and start to lead the guy out, even then he didn't stop snapping photo's. Lisa, Shanna and Carly came rushing over hearing the commotion and got me back to our table hidden in the back.

"You okay hun?" Carly asked sitting me down in my chair.

"Yeah, just wasn't expecting that as soon as i stepped out of the bathroom"

"What an asshole" Shanna muttered making me laugh.

"Y/N I'm so sorry, i didn't see him come in" Lou said as he approached our table.

"Its fine Lou, you can't keep them away all the time" i smiled at him, once he could see we were okay he got back to work.

"Well so much for cheering you up" Lisa scoffed picking her wine glass up and drinking the rest in one gulp.

"You did cheer me up, I've had a lovely afternoon" i said truthfully even though i couldn't wait to get home to Chris.

We settled the bill and got back to the cars, 30 minutes later i was home and packing my bag ready to head to Chris's.

Hey, what the hell happened at lunch? You got papped?? Xx

Yeah, guy just started taking photo's as i came out of the bathroom. It was fine Lou got him out xx

Your sure your okay? Xx

Im fine, come get me? Im Just finishing up packing my things xx

Im leaving now, wont be long xx

While i sat waiting for Chris the notifications on my social media accounts started going crazy! I opened one and saw a photo of me sitting having lunch with Chris's family, the caption stating how things must be getting serious if I'm having lunch with his family. The comments were mostly people saying how i didn't deserve to be with Chris and how much better he could do than me, that i was only with him for the fame and money.... i couldn't stop the tears that ran freely down my face.

Baby love tags: @jennmurawski13 @mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl @vampgirl1997 @ajosieface

@afuckingshituniverse @chmedic @esoltis280

@southerngracela @bethabear12 @letsdisneythings

@sellulii @patzammit @katiew1973

[illusionlockarchive]

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick! 

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11 

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd 

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.” 

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

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“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

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Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar,  please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then. 

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

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Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me. 

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

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We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...” 

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

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A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...