#yes im complaining about the same old shit

[captainimprobable]

I’m so stressed I’m so stressed I’m so stressed

I’ve been working from the shiva house this week so it’s nonstop “I’m sorry for your loss” and getting food together and people asking me what the fuck im doing with my life and I’m forced to tell them nothing!!!! My life is so stupid right now!!! “Where do you live now?” WITH MY PARENTS. YES I UNDERSTAND ALL OF YOUR KIDS WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN ME LIVE IN THE FUCKING CITY BUT I CANT AFFORD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m making less hourly at my job than I made working retail.  I’m working paycheck to paycheck, I have no benefits, no insurance, no nothing.  I turn 30 in four months and what do I even have to show for it??????? Nobody is hiring no matter how many applications I fill out, and I cannot get past the stupid fucking number.  My breakdown last year was because of this and as it creeps closer and closer I feel myself getting more and more stressed about it I know. I know logically 30 means nothing.  I know.  But I can’t believe it. My brain wont let me.  My brain thinks that because I’m a failure at 30 Ill always be a failure.   And I’m tired of being a failure.  I’m tired of watching everyone else in my life succeed and I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand and I can’t figure out how! the fuck! everyone is moving forward and Im not! And my grandfather is gone and my house lost power and I’m sitting here almost crying but I CANT cry because my grandma isn’t crying. My aunts aren’t crying. My dad isn’t crying.  Everyone is fine and Im spiraling and that’s not fair because this isn’t about me And I keep bothering my girlfriend and she’s probably gonna leave bc I won’t shut up and Im too much and gOD I havent felt like this in months, if I’m going back into an episode I’m going on an arson spree. ok bye

[crimmson]

between my computer deciding to rebel, and work, and life, and I feel like I have a perpetual minor cold with that kinda slightly stuffy feel and that taste in the back of my throat,

I am kindly requesting someone to just Old Yeller me at this point

[whyse7vn]

Us -

[ot7 x reader]

AGUST DUI 🛴🔥

7 participants - 7 online

———————————

tae: ok raise your hand if you think yoongi should of died in the crash

namjoon: why would you say that?

tae: jungkook raise your hand

jk: ok

tae: not in real life the emoji please

jk: ok sorry

wait how did you know i raised my hand in real life??

tae: just do it

jk: like nike LOL

tae: i’m going to skin you alive

jk: sorry

🙋🏻‍♀️

tae: why are you a woman

jk: gender is a construction

hobi: construct

jk: control

hobi: we are not playing a game

i am correcting you

jk: oh

tae: connecticut

hobi: stop

tae: i wanted to play :(

hobi: it wasn’t a game can you read

jk: omg i know someone from connecticut

i think

jin: you have no friends don’t lie jungkook

jk: no i swear i do

tae: he does

hobi: don’t act like you know

tae: i know

hobi: who is jungkooks friend then?

tae: jungkook tell this idiot ☠️

hobi: i’m asking YOU to tell me

jk: i don’t know who it is

but i know

i’m going to go insane who is it ohmygod

y/n: jaehyun lmao

hobi: oh

jin: yikes

jk: i’m sorry

tae: how dare she lmao like she didn’t just cook my first born alive by saying that name

jk: she typed it btw

tae: that’s not the point jungkook

i’m throwing up

jk: ur right me too

i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry

y/n: ???

don’t be sorry

jk: >.<

yoongi: lol

jin: tf he laughing at?

yoongi: we’re always talking about jaehyun for some reason

hobi: be fr

yoongi: …

y/n: shouldn’t you be dead from the crash or something

tae: IM SAYING LIKE

jk: maybe he’s still drunk

hobi: LMAOOOO

yoongi: i did not crash

namjoon: he just fell over guys

yoongi: right

jin: ofc the bitch with no license is defending the other bitch with no licence

y/n: typical 🙄

yoongi: why do you know he’s from connecticut

y/n: what????

namjoon: uh??

jin: wasn’t he JUST complaining about how much we talk about you know who…

hobi: kook was right this man is still off the juiceeeee

ha juice by shinee

i’m so funny wow

tae: if we think about it wtf is connecticut

what the fuck is that srsly

i hate that

what does that mean

america is so strange

another white thing i don’t get

i hate white people

jin: ur borderline white

tae: wtf is wrong with you never say shit like that again

ur borderline old

ur borderline dying

AND ur paler than me

like wtf

this poc erasure

someone get him

jk: connecticut more like connectiYUCK 🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

EWWUUUUUU 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

hell on earth

yoongi: what

namjoon: ?

yoongi: are we talking about again

i just lost my train of thought

hobi: choo choo

y/n: chuu chuu

namjoon: jaehyun…

jk: 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤢🤢

tae: AND we are talking about poc erasure if you even care

you probably don’t

because you’re a racist

just like your father namjoon

jk: yoongi is older than namjoon

btw

tae: ok???

maybe i wasn’t even talking to yoongi

jk: ok i’m sorry

tae: it’s ok son

hobi: who the fuck were you talking to then?

tae: well yoongi but like maybe i wasn’t at the same time yk?

y/n: shut up

jk: yes

y/n: ?

tae: ok raise ur hand if you think hoseok is being unnecessarily mean to kim taehyung the 3rd today

namjoon: anyways

yoongi are you ok??

yoongi: yeah sorry my head is just all over the place rn

forget everything i said

hobi: is this due to your alcohol consumption

or is it your age getting to you LOL

since your old

older than namjoon

jk: older than namjoon

jin: jungkook is 27 btw

y/n: 23 forever

jin: that’s almost 30 yk?

hobi: at least it’s not 31

yk…

like you

jin: ok

jk: ok !!!!

namjoon: yeah i don’t know what you wanted to get out of that one…

jin: kys

ALL of you

hobi: ❤️

jk: love is love

y/n: awoman

jk: awoman

tae: if you all loved me you would send me a stack

hobi: notice how no money is being sent to your account

take that into consideration

tae: how about you consider my fist in you face

ok i take that back

hobi: don’t

y/n: bryson tiller

tae: why not :(

you didn’t even know what i was gonna say hobi >.<

hobi: namjoon tell him to shut up

namjoon: tae please

tae: yeah ok 😔

cuz you know i do NOT want the smoke

he might do me like he did jaehyun 😭🙏🏼

hobi: will you STOP bringing that up

tae: will you send me a STACK?

hobi: no

tae: then NO

namjoon: both of you stop

also where is jimin??

physically i mean

like do any of you know?

yoongi: y/n’s house i think

y/n: no he’s not??

tae: woah

jk: btw that is also my house yoongi

so y/n AND jungkook’s house

yoongi: y/n and jungkook’s house then

y/n: he’s not here

yoongi: but he was

y/n: how do you even know that??

yoongi: i just do

y/n: ok ????

yoongi: ok

jk: ok \ ^0^ /

tae: wait

jk: JIMIN WAS IN OUR HOUSE ?????

jin: keep up ohmugod

jk: LIKE PHYSICALLY IN OUR HOUSE

WHERE I SLEEP AT NIGHT???

y/n: he wasn’t in my room no

if that’s what ur asking

jk: BUT HE WAS HERE???

AFTER HE WAS SO MEAN SO EVIL?!

y/n: it’s been weeks i was gonna talk to him at some point ig

hobi: communication is key!

not key from shinee btw

jk: WHEN DID HE COME????

WHY DID HE COME????

y/n: he came a few weeks ago

august 6th ? i think

to talk about everything and apologise

jk: you let him in?

tae: LIKE…

y/n: yes

jk: and where was i?

y/n: it was a wednesday so ur boxing class?

jk: i’ve been staying back for those classes

so he came late right?

y/n: yeah

jk: did you invite him?

y/n: no he kinda just showed up

jk: and you still let him in??

y/n: yes jungkook

jk: why didn’t you tell me??

y/n: i wasn’t trying to keep it a secret or anything it just a lot

like a lot seriously

i wanted to give both me and jimin some time to process it all before we brought it all back to you guys

but i was going to tell you

all of you

jk: yeah but like it’s been weeks…

namjoon: to be fair i also did talk to

jimin and didn’t tell anyone

jk: namjoon

jin: also did that

hobi: u all know i talked to him so…

jk: guys???

i’m confused like what he said was wrong but you’re all still talking to him

like everything’s ok???

namjoon: he apologised to her kook

jk: FUCK HIS APOLOGY?????

tae you get it right?? you didn’t speak to him right??

tae: no i get it

i get you

i understand fully

but i won’t lie to you

i DID speak to him

on the phone

only for 5 minutes tho

i counted

i just wanted to make sure he didn’t yk like kill himself or something…

you know jimin is weak like that

not calling people who commit suicide weak but like calling jimin weak cuz that’s what he is

jk: TAE?????????????

tae: SORRY SUICIDE IS REAL YK?

AND LIKE IT DOESNT TAKE AWAY FROM THE FACT THAT I STILL WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE

i was just

uh

checking?

namjoon: you can say you were worried about him you know that

jk: SHUT UP???£/8/8/8,&&:&,

NO HE CAN’T

YOU ALL HAVE NO BACK BONE /£2&/&&:&:

NO LOYALTY

HE BASICALLY CALLED Y/N A WHORE AND YOUR ALL FRIENDS WITH HIM AGAIN??????

LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?????

tae: NO I’M MAD IM STILL SO FUCKING MAD THE FUCK????

FUCK JIMIN I MEAN IT

jk: you are a liar

LIKE

guys what£/£/&/&:&:

i thought you guys were better than this ???

i thought you all cared

jin: don’t be stupid

of course we care

jk: then act like it????

y/n tell them

y/n: jungkook

jk: tell them

in fact

jk added jimin to “AGUST DUI🛴🔥”

jk: tell ALL of them

y/n: jungkook please

jk: y/n seriously

jimin: hey

jk: shut the fuck up

tae: dude

i know ur upset and angry but doing this rn isn’t gonna solve anything

namjoon: he’s right jungkook

ur acting on emotion and not thinking properly right now

jk: IM not thinking properly???

was jimin thinking properly when he called her a slut and then ran away like a bitch?? was he????

namjoon: obviously not jungkook

hobi: but they’ve talked it out and he’s said sorry

jk: HIS SORRY DOESN’T MEAN SHIT

WHAT DO YOU GUYS NOT UNDERSTAND?

his fucking sorry means nothing

him saying sorry doesn’t take back the words he said

or any of the hurt he caused

namjoon: jungkook like she told us they’ve talked about it and he’s apologised

i not sure what more you want

jk: I WANT YOU GUYS NOT TO MOVE ON SO FUCKING FAST??

I WANT YOU GUYS TO AT LEAST TELL HIM HOW FUCKED UP THAT ALL WAS

BOTH PUBLICLY AND PRIVATELY

he should be walking around eggshells around us rn

you guys should be giving him a hard time

not wondering where he is or whether he’s depressed or not

and you wanna know something?

after it all happened she cried for hours

hours

i have genuinely never seen her so upset

she told me not to tell anyone but i have to so guys can fucking understand

and the fact that we didn’t even know that her and jimin spoke???

does that not bother you all?????

the fact that she was “so fine” and “okay” about the whole situation but didn’t tell us that they had supposedly ‘made up’

tae: she said that she was planning on telling us

jk: yeah but she didn’t did she? it’s been weeks

she said they spoke august 6th right?

we are quite literally in a whole new month

and you ALL should know that when she doesn’t tell us things it’s because she’s upset

you should KNOW her

and how she deals with things

you all claim to care but i’m yet to see how

you know i was really excited about this

we were all you know realising

and coming to terms with this

us

i thought that we felt the same

but this has shown me that you guys don’t even feel a quarter of what i do for her

and you probably never will

the way that you all just took her word for her being fine and okay about the whole situation without actually genuinely checking in with her is insane and the way you all rushed to make sure jimin was ok was even crazier

i just

whatever

bye

—

as you can probably tell this was supposed to be released last month but i tried to adjust it as much as i could

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @earthela @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @seokmyballs @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @meowgiz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiislife @lowkeykin @iammeandmeisiam @socksfirstalways @knilvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks @futuristicenemychaos @featjunranghae @jksgirlfrl @yeetedandoboi @stellamalonesolaria @joonsprettygf

#happytimessoon >.<

[coeurify]

actually on my knees begging for a girl next door blurb with Ellie

like imagine moving into the house next to her’s and her being all grumbly and closed off because she cannot physically face the reader because she’s just a loser lesbian and OMG THE UNKNOWN PINING SUJDJSNSNDB

I NEED HER I CANT-

WHERE IS THE LOVE FOR LOSER GND!ELLIE ⁉️

giggles.. cause like.. yea.

if we r talking modern!ellie, oh god would it be the most cliche shit ever (plz tell me if u want jackson!ellie version cause i’d be happy to do that too. or jus more of this concept) [not edited]

⋆˚✿˖° im talking, ellie looking out from her window in her old house, eyes narrowing as a moving truck pulled into the pretty blue house next door. the neighborhood had been recently taken over by young families, which ellie hated— cause why was she being interrupted in her ‘laying in her bed while blasting music and complaining to herself’ alone time by a bunch of kids screaming outside? either way. she expected another one of these cases.

⋆˚✿˖° but then you popped out, trying to handle three boxes all on your own, cheek pressed against the cardboard as you yelled something ellie couldn’t hear to whoever else was in moving truck. you had glanced over at ellie’s house, maybe even up at her window. and maybe ellie was just dramatic, but she flipped away from that window and face down onto her bed so quickly she was pretty sure it was a new record. because fuck you were pretty.

⋆˚✿˖° and it only got worse later, when el was pulling her hair down from its bun, glancing the sun pressing below the clouds. her fingers moved to close the curtains of her window, and there you were, standing at the window directly across from hers. like— shit straight from a taylor swift music video or something.

⋆˚✿˖° and you, almost as awkward as her, let your hands fall down from their place above your head. you had been putting up shades, but once you caught the gaze of your messy haired neighbor, you smiled at her. fuck, you smiled and waved and ellie just turned away and shut her curtains. you know, like the master at social interactions she was.

⋆˚✿˖° a twin frown painted both your lips at the interaction that night, and at the same time you both huffed out, “god, why’d i do that?”

⋆˚✿˖° nothing really got better from there. not when your family forced you over to ellie’s house with a plate of cookies, your sweet smile the first sight ellie had seen that day as she turned the doorknob to shoo away some girl scout selling something. “we don’t need— oh— oh hi.”

⋆˚✿˖° you looked so fucking pretty. ellie was sure it was fake. maybe she was still in bed dreaming. maybe this was about to turn into one of those really weird s- never mind. you were talking now, and not asking to borrow sugar, so definitely real. “hi! uh— I just, we— i mean, my family, we just wanted to introduce ourselves. and give a gift i guess,” you glance to the plate of wrapped up treats and chuckle lightly. because really, cookies?

⋆˚✿˖° ellie was about red as the shirt she was wearing, stammering a thank you as joel creeped behind her at the door. “you the new neighbors kid?” joel had asked, making ellie clam right up. she backed away from the door, like— just side shuffled out of your view with an awkward wave.

⋆˚✿˖° your eyes followed her, fighting back the odd sense of disappointment that you were no longer staring at the freckled and flushed face of your new neighbor. “uh, yea—yes sir.” you eventually spoke again, offering your grin to joel instead.

⋆˚✿˖° one time joel was doing yard work the same time your family was outside working on the garden. you were fanning your sweating cheek with your hand, the warmth from the sun along with carrying in and out heavy tools was not exactly ideal, and you only felt more heated when ellie came outside the door at the exact moment joel ended up making conversation with your mother.

⋆˚✿˖° “your girl in college?” you could hear him ask, but it was lightly muffled, your attention instead on watching as ellie struggled to bend over and tie her converse against the wall. what an odd way to do it. she was balancing some sort of notebook between arm.. maybe pencils too? did she draw? or maybe write? why couldn’t you stop wondering about it?

⋆˚✿˖° your mom answered joel’s question with some version of the story she always does, gushing about how you were doing so well in school, how she was so proud of you. you didn’t tune back in until joel was speaking again, “ah yea, my — well, ellie, she’s in school too. physics major. but she’s got this thing for astronomy too. kid’s always talking about double majoring.”

⋆˚✿˖° god, she was cute and smart? and her name was ellie? you swore the sun got even hotter at the thought of her talking to you about quantum something-or-other, just nodding along. god you could see it now. a hand in that pretty auburn hair.. mumbling ‘mhm.. whatever you say ellie.’

⋆˚✿˖° then you saw her trip down the stairs on her porch as she looked over. full on hand on the side of the stairs to keep her from eating shit on the rocks there. you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, stifling a giggle as you wave her way. only to be given a tight lipped smile as she quickly moved away to her car. god. what an odd girl.

⋆˚✿˖° ellie simply lost it the moment she sat in her car, groaning loudly as she slammed her sketch book on her face. “stupid fucking shoes!” she muttered, as if it was the shoes fault for tripping, and not the way she had been intently staring at your face from across the yard. definitely not.

⋆˚✿˖° but really she couldn’t help it, you looked so good, you were wearing shorts, and ellie was happily taking in the sight of skin before that evil fucking creaky porch board got her tumbling down. fuck. she couldn’t ever talk to you again. not ever. she let her head fall to the steering wheel as she went through a million and one ways to simply become invisible and escape any way of running into you. maybe she should become nocturnal.

⋆˚✿˖° but when she let her head fall to the steering wheel, it honked. like a loud, drawn out honk that had you, joel, and your mother’s head turning to the direction of the sound.

⋆˚✿˖° ellie screeched, and you pressed fingers to your lips to contain another smile. you were pretty sure living here was going to be kind of great.

[tiddygame]

hello im sorry i wrote more for @myriadblvck ’s streamer au ghoap

I time travelled and around 4,000 words magically appeared in a document titled: "you didn't juju on the fucking beat soap" I think I was possessed by something. anyways here’s that:

tw: is it a panic attack? is it just typical ghost angst? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just be careful it's mostly fluffy (ghost is mean to himself cause he almost kissed soap on the forehead)

also i just realized after i wrote this whole thing, this is based on my general knowledge of dog tags… as an american. writing about the british military. so if you know your shit about the british military, uhh sorry in advance. my bad. from a very brief search i think a lot of it’s the same or at least same enough but this might hurt for people that know a thing or two. whoops!

fun fact: did you know for a brief stint (iirc, >40 years from around 1960s to 2010ish) the american military was printing soldiers’ ss numbers on their tags? yeah can’t imagine why they switched back to serial numbers.

Ghost had been pacing outside of his office for three minutes before he actually entered. When he did, he didn’t say a word. Just sat down in one of the chairs, fidgeting. It wasn't that uncommon of an occurrence, he was normally either gathering his thoughts before talking to Price about something more personal or hiding from what/whoever he didn't feel like dealing with.

When it came to mission debriefs, he was clear and concise. However, personal matters were a different story, and based on the way he anxiously opened and closed his hand, he'd guess this was a personal matter.

Price didn’t ask. He knew that whatever it was Simon needed to say would come out eventually. For now, he continued filling out paperwork and trying to figure out what it was that had Ghost so worked up.

Honestly, there wasn't much guesswork involved. Chances were, it was probably yet another leave request. He knew from Gaz (who was such an awful gossip he sometimes wondered how the man made it through interrogation training) that Simon had been visiting some social media person he had taken a liking to.

(Look, yes, Price knew about Twitch and live streaming and everything. He’s not actually that old. However, as long as he kept up the front of the old man who complained about the keyboard on his phone being too small, he didn’t have to deal with social media. Sure, it caused all of them to joke that he was geriatric and on his last legs, but he was able to convince Roach that he doesn’t know what TikTok is, meaning he wasn’t in charge of reviewing all the bullshit he and Gaz posted. A fair trade if you ask him.)

He also knew that Gaz was convinced the two were in love to the point that he and Roach had a bet going to see when they would get together. Price thought it was rather stupid, but he had to admire their ability to keep it under wraps; if the lieutenant found out they’d been placing monetary bets on his love life, he had a feeling he would need to find replacements for the 141.

Regardless, Price hoped that one day Simon would tell him about the friend but, until then, he was happy to fill out any paperwork that would get the poor man off base. God knows that idiot needs a vacation.

Simon was bouncing his leg, messing with his fingers, and staring off into space.

Three of his nervous habits at once? He must be even more worked up about this than Price thought. But, he was a patient man. It was about seven minutes of companionable silence before Simon spoke.

“I need replacement dog tags. I seem to have lost mine.”

Price looked up. He could see the chain around his neck and the outline of them still under his shirt.

"You do?" Price shuffled his documents around, eventually finding a blank piece of paper he could write on.

"Yes sir."

“And do you know what happened to them?”

“I believe they were knocked off during the fight from the last mission. I didn’t notice until later that night when we were back at base.”

Price paused and looked up from where he had been writing.

The last mission had been an odd one. Ghost normally stuck further away, their eagle-eyed lieutenant typically stayed at long to mid-range, watching for hostiles and making sure whoever else was in the field wouldn’t get caught off guard by someone they hadn’t seen.

During the last mission, he decided to engage at close range, a far cry from his usual approach of sniping hostiles from the shadows.

At one point, their lieutenant had been tackled and almost strangled. The fight had pretty much ended, his attacker was the only one left there. Ghost, being The Ghost, dispatched him with ease, but it stuck out to Price. Ghost may prefer to stay further back, but that didn’t mean that his hand-to-hand combat skills were lacking by any means.

He remembered thinking at the time that it was a clumsy mistake, that Ghost would have had to be intentionally trying to fuck up to get knocked down. He assumed the man had just been caught off guard, but he knew that theory wouldn’t hold up to any scrutiny. Ghost isn’t one to get caught off guard.

What was stranger yet still was Ghost specifically pointing it out in his mission report, calling even more attention to it.

Price set his pen down and leaned back in his chair.

“You planned this?”

“I plead the fifth,” said the British man.

Price just continued to stare, curious to see if this was actually going where he thought it was going.

“Is this off the record?” Simon eventually asked.

“Of course,” almost everything the 141 did was of dubious legality. Not reporting a conversation about possible wasted assets was far from the worst thing that had been swept under the rug.

“Then yes.”

“Why?”

Simon didn’t answer. Price waited, giving the man time to gather his thoughts, but based on the way his mouth opened and closed before he slumped in his chair, it seemed he didn’t know what to say at all.

Price had an inkling he might know what this was about.

“You know, Gaz likes to keep me informed,” Ghost looked up at him, somewhat panicked yet resigned, like he already knew what Price was going to say.

“He tells me you have a certain someone you’ve been visiting?”

“Yes.”

“Is this person a friend or…?” Ghost once again paused, calculating the potential consequences of his available responses.

He didn’t answer.

“Hmm,” Price paused, wondering how far to push before he continued, “You want to give this person your old dog tags?”

“Yes.”

Of course he would pre-plan “losing” his dog tags. Price mentally chuckled, leave it to Simon to be such a sap that he wanted to give someone his dog tags yet still make sure to follow protocol so he never actually risked going without them.

He had to hand it to him, it wasn’t a bad plan.

Price had a smile now, knowing his grumpy hard-ass lieutenant had a sweetheart he wanted to be sappy with.

“Romantic or platonic?” Price tried again.

“… I don’t know,” he’d never seen Simon look quite so… forlorn.

Hmm… That would explain his hesitancy.

He was pushing how much Simon was willing to divulge.

“And does this person know the significance of you giving them your dog tags?”

Well, curiosity killed the cat…

“No, they don’t.”

…But satisfaction brought it back. How interesting, the plot thickens.

“Do you plan on telling them?”

There was a long pause, after which it dawned on Price, “You want to give them your dog tags because they don’t know.”

It wasn’t a question, he already knew. Simon somehow slumped further, attempting to hide his face as if he weren’t wearing a balaclava.

His grumpy hard-ass lieutenant. Absolutely smitten with someone yet too shy to say anything, deciding on a quiet confession, one they likely wouldn’t pick up on.

Price chuckled, jotting down the necessary information he would need when he got his hands on the right paperwork, polishing up some of the details of Ghost’s story to make it more believable, before reading off what he had written to Ghost to make sure he got everything right. Ghost nodded once, and that was that.

“Replacement tags will probably be here in two to three weeks.”

“I would like to request leave for two to three weeks from now.”

Price handed him the form, having already grabbed it. He noticed how the man seemed to calm at just the thought of getting to visit his mystery person.

Oh, he thought to himself.

I am definitely joining Roach and Gaz’s bet.

<><><><>

They were lying on the daybed in his streaming room, or, well…

No, that’s not quite right.

Simon was lying on the daybed.

Johnny was lying on top of Simon.

His computer was still softly playing quiet (non-DMCA) music from where his stream had just ended. Instead of turning it off, he had decided to unplug his headset and leave it on, the music just loud enough to be heard.

Simon was sleepily scrolling through his phone, trying to pretend like he hadn’t almost dropped several times while dozing off, desperately trying to stay awake. Johnny had watched his struggle and decided to lay down right on top of Simon, not even trying to pretend like he was trying to fit on the remaining space on the daybed. Why would he when Simon was right there?

It was meant to be a joke, having thrown himself on top of him to annoy the man into sleeping on an actual bed (he claimed he wasn’t tired but the comically loose grip on his phone and the waking world said otherwise.) However, unfortunately for said sleepy man, Simon was very, very comfortable.

His head was resting on Simon’s chest, arms under his back like he actually was just a pillow, one hand reaching higher to feel where Simon’s hair had begun to grow out slightly.

I wonder if he would let me help him cut it…

Simon had said he was like a clingy cat, his free hand running through his hair in the same manner one would pet a cat to prove his point. The joke's on him though, he likes it.

Simon had tried to stop but Johnny didn’t let him, threatening to tickle him if he did.

(“I’m not ticklish, I just don’t want you throwing a tantrum.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you say,” he was definitely ticklish, and one of these days he was going to prove it.)

At some point, Simon had given up on keeping a grip on his phone, letting it drop to the side. They would probably have to go digging through the cushions to get it out of whatever crevice it had fallen to. As of right now, the idea of ever leaving his spot was comical at best.

The sun had begun to set, orange and pink tinted light filtering through the sheer curtains, making everything look more like a dream. Or maybe it was just the proximity to the man below him that was making him feel so serene.

Johnny took a second to inhale and exhale slowly, appreciating the moment. He hoped that this memory, this beautiful tranquility with Simon, would be something he cherished for a long time to come.

He knew that they had things to do. Soon, Simon would be catching a flight at some ungodly hour, headed back to save the world yet again. But for now, he was happy to nap away in their own little bubble. He never was a religious man but here in the arms of Simon Riley, he was tempted to think heaven was real, and that it was right in front of him.

“I almost forgot,” Simon mumbled, not sounding any more awake than he looked, reaching up for the collar of his shirt. Thankfully, the hand that was running his hair remained. He didn’t like proving the cocky bastard right, but he probably would have thrown a tantrum had he tried to remove it.

“They had some fuck up along the line or something and accidentally printed me an extra set of dog tags. I was just gonna toss ‘em but thought you might want—”

Johnny was now wide awake, sitting up and yanking the chain out of his hands.

“Don’t you fucking dare throw them away, of course I want them!” Simon’s face reddened, a frequent treat for Johnny now that he had gotten more comfortable going without the mask. Simon might have been good at keeping a poker face, but without his mask, he was a blushing mess.

He wondered if the blush was from his obvious jubilation at the gift or if it was because he was now straddling the man. Such pesky details, however, (even ones that would keep future Johnny awake at night) were far less important than examining the necklace in his hands.

It was obvious this was the older set, the metal worn and dented in some spots though the writing was still clearly visible.

“Calm down, I’m not going to take it from you,” the gruff tone was severely undermined by the aforementioned blush. It was hard to sound tough while half asleep on a daybed and being used as another man’s pillow.

Johnny stared at them for a little bit longer, feeling every dent and wondering the story behind how they got there, before putting them on.

He smiled at the man under him, “How do I look?”

He was going to joke, asking if he looked like a rough and tough soldier ready for war, but something in Simon’s eyes made him stop short.

He was looking with… with… Reverence was far too intense of a word for the softness of the moment but it was the only word that came to mind.

Simon reached up with his hand, grabbing the tags, his knuckles grazing his chest.

Well, that’s just fucking unfair.

Simon was supposed to be the blushy one. Not him, goddammit!

Though, he thinks when they make eye contact, they end up tied for who is blushing the most. They stare for a while, maybe it should have felt awkward but it was too adoring for either to feel any form of uncomfortability.

Neither moved.

It was Johnny that broke first, smiling at him, yet again tracing all of the scars he could see. It was his new favorite hobby, especially when Simon would blush making the scars on his face all the more visible.

He took one more second to sleepily appreciate the man before him, then went back to using him as a pillow. His hands went back to where they were before, one under Simon’s back and one playing with his hair. His head, however, did not fall back to his chest, instead resting in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

Simon’s hand returned to running through his hair, his other now coming up to rest on his back, rubbing up and down a few times before the sleepiness from earlier fully returned with his hand stopping somewhere around the small of his back.

Johnny leaned up slightly and gave a chaste kiss to the part of his neck that he could reach, then settled back to where he was. The hand in his hair paused.

“Thank you, Simon.”

A second of delay, and then the hand continued.

“You’re welcome, Johnny.”

Simon shuffled slightly, getting comfy before—

A kiss, on his forehead.

He couldn’t stop the blush and smile if he wanted to. He snuggled closer before drifting off to sleep.

When he woke, he was in his bed, practically tucked in. His window had been opened slightly, blackout curtains that had been drawn closed now swaying slightly with the breeze. When he focused, he realized he could smell petrichor and hear heavy rainfall outside with the occasional grumble of thunder.

There was a note on his nightstand. As he expected, it was Simon’s handwriting, apologizing for not waking him up before he left. It said that he had made breakfast for him (pancakes, with enough for when his sister would inevitably try to steal them), that he made sure to lock the front door, and left the window cracked.

He giggled sleepily at the last line. Regardless of the context, it always made Simon anxious to have the curtains open, much less to leave a window open. But, he also must've known how much Johnny loved the rain and set his worries aside, just this once, so he could wake up to the rain.

He set the note down and flopped back onto his pillows, his hand felt something cold and he remembered.

The dog tags.

John MacTavish is no stranger to crushes and heartbreaks.

He's had high school sweethearts, been in and out of love, he knows his way around the world of dating. Which is why he most certainly does not squeal and kick his legs while holding the tags like some kid with their first crush.

He did it like a grown man, thank you very much.

He grabbed his phone and sent Simon the worst pun he could think of; it was tradition at this point to send him some god-awful joke before his flight.

Simon has probably already forgotten about the whole exchange. He probably woke up and assumed he threw them away when he noticed he wasn't wearing them. It was probably stupid, an insignificant gesture with no meaning. But to Johnny, it felt like everything.

He sighed dreamily at the ceiling and felt the cool metal once more. Thunder roared outside. He thought about how he had felt in the man's arms. Thought about how much he wanted that again.

God.

His phone dinged and he immediately reached over to grab it.

I'm fucked, aren't I?

<><><><>

Elsewhere, Ghost was in an airport terminal, having far too much time to think.

Over the weekend, it was almost impressive how many times Ghost had talked himself into and back out of giving Soap his dog tags. He really hoped he hadn't made a mistake.

Simon felt the spot that Johnny had kissed and wondered if he remembered it. Wondered if he had meant it.

Simon thought about how Johnny had looked cradled in his arms when he carried him to his room, the way he had reached out for him when he laid him in bed. The way he had grabbed his wrist and clung to it, grumbling when Simon tried to pull it back.

If asked, he'd say that he had woken up late and that's why he was so far behind schedule. He'd keep the part where he sat there, kneeled in front of Johnny's bed, waiting for him to fall back into a deep enough sleep to pull his arm away all to himself. After all, it would have been rude to wake him up, no?

He had made sure to plug up his phone and, upon seeing the forecasted weather, hesitated before opening the window. It was only barely cracked, just enough for the sounds of the outside world to shamble in, but not so wide as to worry about water damage. He stared at it, convincing himself not to worry and that Johnny would like waking up to the fresh air.

He turned back to make sure the man was still asleep, still comfy, but stopped for a moment. He approached the bed and hesitated before running his fingers through his stupid haircut, almost wishing the man would grab his arm and give him an excuse to stay.

He didn't. Simon did, however, lean in to give him one last kiss on the forehead as some stupidly sappy goodbye, before his brain turned back on and he ripped himself away.

What the fuck is wrong with you? What? He grabs your arm in your sleep so you feel entitled to be able to kiss him?

Simon backed away, staring at the hand that had just been in his hair. He felt dirty.

For fuck’s sake, relax. It's not that big of a deal, you did it earlier; the man fell asleep in your arms, a forehead kiss isn't too much of a stretch.

He went to the kitchen and scrubbed his hands for a while, only stopping when he thought about how much water he was wasting. He still felt dirty.

Not a stretch? You don't get to decide that. How would you feel if someone tried to kiss you while you were unconscious? If they said that they felt they should be allowed to do so because you fell asleep?

He had started making pancakes. Something quick, easy, and reheatable for when Soap woke up. Like making him breakfast would make up for trying to kiss him in his sleep.

Why can't you just be normal?

Eventually, and after a run-in with Soap’s hell-spawn of a twin, he had to leave. The time on his phone showed that he should probably already be halfway to the airport by now but he has always been a selfish man.

He had snagged some paper and left Soap a quick note, hoping the apology would make him feel better about worse sins than not waking him up. It didn't.

He stared at the man for a second, admiring him, before he reminded himself that he was a fucking creep and left.

The storm left the flight delayed by 1.5 hours. Ghost had sat waiting, wireless headphones on and connected, but not playing anything. He had far too much time to think.

Simon thought about how Johnny had looked, his dog tags around his neck, silhouetted by the fading light, the sun behind his head as if even the stars knew they could never compare to him.

He stood and started pacing. Amongst the screaming children, feuding families, and people who think they're entitled to listen to their music without headphones, one middle-aged man having an existential crisis didn't stick out.

He thought about how he had never understood weighted blankets so well until Johnny had thrown himself on top of him. It should've hurt. He should've been annoyed. Instead, Simon selfishly hoped he would never get up.

It took him a while to put his finger on what he had been feeling exactly. Finally, he realized.

There, in that moment, he had never been so happy to be alive. It was a startling emotion to discern amongst the swath of negativity he normally felt. It startled him so much, he had snapped out of his reverie and stopped short in his pacing. When he checked the time, he saw he had one missed text from Johnny.

Soap (art streamer): i was trying to think of an airplane joke but none of them landed

Simon chuckled and sat down; he almost forgot about their dumb little tradition.

Ghost: Disliked.

Soap (art streamer): everyone is so mean 2 me 💔

Ghost: It is not my fault your pun was so Boeing.

Soap (art streamer): well i thought i could wing it

Ghost: Did you look up what giving do-

Ghost: About the tags, you

Ghost: I think you make me want to live

Ghost sighed and fell back further into his seat, coming to a conclusion that his subconscious had long ago discovered.

I'm in love, aren't I?

Soap (art streamer): speechless huh? finally, the Wright reaction to my comedic genius

Ghost: Absolutely awful, Mactavish.

Soap (art streamer): :D

Took you long enough, dumbass.

<><><><>

Soap’s twin spent a good bit of time staring at her brother's new accessory.

“Is something wrong?” he challenged, hoping she wasn't in a bothersome mood.

She failed miserably at hiding her shit-eating grin but didn't care.

“Nope!” she replied.

She had run into Ghost early that morning before he left.

"Detergent."

She was pretty sure he never even learned her name, just jumped straight into calling her detergent.

"Ghoul," she greeted, glaring at the man.

Being required by law to not trust him, she checked on her brother as he was still gathering his things and noticed the necklace.

“You gave him your dog tags,” she accused, like she was framing him for murder.

“Yes, I did,” he replied casually, as per usual robbing her of the fight she so desperately wanted to pick.

“Did you tell him what it means?”

“...What does it mean?”

Damn, he was good. If she wasn't convinced that he was the devil incarnate, she might have fallen for his feigned ignorance.

“100 bucks and you buy my silence.”

“I don't know what you mean.”

“200 then.”

“It doesn't even mean anything.”

“Hmm. Well, I suppose you might be right… JOHN!” their neighbors were probably going to complain.

“What the fuck are you doing?” ooh he was getting panicked now.

“If it doesn't matter then you won't mind me telling him to look it up,” she started walking to his room, “JOHNSON!”

“Fucking Christ, woman! Just— Fucking— Here.”

He pulled out his wallet and started counting bills. Damn, that was easier than she thought.

“What did you say? 100?”

“Nope! That was before inflation. Now it’s 300.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You said 200!”

“So you admit you tried to scam me?”

“Just take the 100 and g-”

She didn't even get to yell, he reached for more before she could finish taking a deep breath in.

“Just shut the fuck up! Here! Three fucking hundred!”

She was tempted to raise her price further, but she was no gambler, she was a strategist. She knew a defeated man when she saw one. If she played this right, she could extort money out of him for a long time to come.

Something, something, vampires not fully killing their victims and all that.

She took the money, counted it, and then held out her hand to shake.

“It was a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Wraith!”

He didn't shake her hand.

“Christ, both of you are awful.”

He packed his stuff and left, broke, broken, and defeated.

She ate as many pancakes as she could, rich and victorious.

She thought about how much power, how much blackmail she had in this moment.

“I’m fantastic actually,” she walked to her room.

I am going to be so fucking rich by the time they get their shit together.

[lululandd]

⤷ ❝ haunted ❞ headcanons 

the base is haunted lmao

im procrastinating a könig painting so my brain comes up with random ideas. rudy's part is mandatory to read im afraid, bcause it’s the preface. no pairing in this one, just silly headcanons of how each of them would react to actual ghosts.

141 + LV + ULF + laswell + könig + graves

rudy has a sixth sense—mans legit scared of ghosts lmfao—and hated the 141 base. would complain and groan if alejandro says he has to go there. one time they were chilling cleaning out guns and an old man walks past them and the hair at the back of rudy's neck just shoots up.

"did anyone feel that?"

everyone just shrugs. asks him for clarification. he mentions seeing an old man passing by and then it clicks for everyone else in the room that it wasnt their ptsd or personal things they were going through, it was legitimately ghosts.

soap now realises that the disappearing people he sees in his peripherals aren’t just a figment of his imagination. after rudy’s discovery he would ask random people he was with if they could ‘see them too’ and most of the time the answer would be yes. if they don’t turn their heads to take a closer look, that is.

gaz would always ask anyone—privates, sergeants, lieutenants, captains—to accompany him if he has to go anywhere secluded, and they have to verbally agree. one time he asked a non-verbal sergeant and thought they really didn’t like gaz because of the ignored questions and the general unhelpfulness. the realisation only comes much later, when he went to shake their hand, and it just…went through. poor boy lost sleep the next three nights.

price has known for a while about the presence of ghosts but ignores them. he recognises some of them from his folders, from the photos in family homes that he has to visit over the years, from the memories he had of the battlefield. he won’t go to the third floor bathroom though. would rather piss and shit himself in the courtyard rather than go in there again. nope.

laswell knows from price. she had asked him who was the new young private that didn’t salute as they both walk past.

“just keep walking, kate.”

she immediately understood.

ghost now realises the young private that he thought resembles tommy could actually possibly be tommy and would sometimes speak aloud when he’s alone and can feel his presence. the vision doesn't follow him outside the base and he doesn’t know if he’s relieved or distraught over the fact.

graves scoffed at the audacity of these grownass men trying to scare him with childish pranks, until one particular night his footlocker opened itself and boy did he immediately remember his sunday mass prayers.

alejandro cannot see them, but knows they are there because he could feel the static in the air if they appear close to him. he is happy he can’t see because of the stories rudy have told him. about people in their own base with disfigured faces and bodies.

farah knows all the protection prayers so they don’t bother her. honestly they’re tame compared to the djinn’s she encountered back home. everyone feels so much safer near farah because they dont see anything for once.

alex calls farah lmao. mans can’t see them just like alejandro but every hair on his body stands up and if he gets agitated enough his stump would start hurting because he’s so tense and thats where he would call for farah. she taught him some prayers to ward them off but since he’s not of the same faith it sadly doesn’t work. good try tho.

valeria yells at them. when she was held captive she would see people in her container even though it hasn’t been opened in a while. she cusses them out and she would like to think it works because she never sees them again.

poor könig followed one into a corner when he was new at the base. he asked for directions and this private graciously led the way instead of just pointing where to go. it wasn’t until soap grabs him harshly by the upper arm and lead him to the correct way that the scot told him about the hauntings. he now also asks for verbal confirmation before following anyone anywhere. he has never felt his hand sweat that much before.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

https://www.tumblr.com/allnewalldifferentwildspider/748862622231838720/the-reason-im-so-vulgar-in-regards-to-aangs

What a bunch of bullshit.

"He makes no effort to get to know or understand her" they're literally traveling the whole world together - and their original reason for doing that was because he wanted to help her go to the North Pole to learn waterbending, something which means a lot to her. Just because the writers didn't think the audience was stupid and needed a scene of them sitting down and telling each other a list of their flaws, qualities and motivations, doesn't mean their relationship was shallow.

"We get the MALE GAZE from him" Wow, he thinks a pretty girl is pretty. What a crime.

"He doesn't try to find out what happened to her mom" he didn't have to, she fucking told him basically right away. Complaining about that is like complaining he never asked if Sokka was her brother, even though one of the first things Sokka ever said to Aang was "And this is Katara, my flying sister"

"He always gets surprised when she's mad about something" Aang, the naturally cheery person, is pretty much ALWAYS surprised whenever ANYONE is angry, because that's not an emotionl he usually experiences much. Doesn't mean he doesn't get her - and I say this as a very grumpy person.

And ya know who else gets surprised at Katara's anger all the time? Zuko. The guy that sent an assassin after her group because Katara had to bring Aang back to life after Azula killed him - which only happened because Zuko helped her when Aang and Katara had her cornered.

Funny how things are only bad when Aang does it, but totally okay when Zuko does them in VERY different contexts that obviously paint him in a negative light for good reason.

"He hates the food and culture that she loves so much" Disliking a culture's food is not the same as hating said culture. We only see him talk shit about the Water Tribe's hunting culture once: in the Bato episode, in his friends are accidentally shutting him out of the conversation because they're too excited about being reunited with someone that is basically family. A 12-year-old throwing a tantrum is not the same as him being openly racist. Ya know what IS racist though? Zuko supporting his nation's attempt to genocide the water tribes.

"He doesn't respect her boundaries and kisses her twice without her consent" ONE poorly timed kiss is not the same as him forcefully holding her in place and kissing her, or even asking first then going for it anyway after she said an explicit no. And Katara visibly enjoyed the kiss during the eclipse episode, and was basically cuddlying with him on Appa afterwards.

"He keeps trying to talk for her when she's angry" You mean literally the same thing Zuko did in Southern Raiders?

"He expects her to do the work for their relationship... but he also makes wild assumptions about them being an item already... but he also wanted to talk things out with her to make sure he got it right..." I don't even need to tear these apart, the OP did it for me by making their arguments contradict each other. How kind of them.

"Aang wants the beautiful image of Katara. He wants that pretty face, those big blue eyes, that body, those long legs, those hips, the chest, and the hair that is just so manageable" While Aang is attracted to her, he NEVER mentioned a single one of those things, ever. The hair thing was literally MENG being insecure about her own hair. If you wanna simp for Katara, go ahead and do it, there's nothing wrong with it, but don't act like Aang only sees her a piece of meat.

"He has no interest in the complex, strong, hurt, angry, and caring person that Katara actually is" Ah yes, that's why he doesn't cheer her on when she's fighting Pakku, or helps her with the Painted Lady thing because he admires her compassion, or tells her she gives him hope, or calls her sifu, or accepts that she won't kill Yon Rah but also won't forgive... oh wait, he did do all those things.

"I'm calling it like I see it" Too bad you need glasses and refuse to wear them.

"Aang doesn't actually like Katara; he's just really horny for her" Considering your random description of why she's so hot in a post that has nothing to do it, all while ignoring her agency that used to choose Aang, I'd say that's more likely to be an accurate description of YOU than of our protagonist. Sorry, just calling it like I see it.

[effervescentdragon]

Vampire AU - whatever pairing you want I just want biting and some rancid vibes 😹

not quite rancid, except for your hate towards certain people. but maybe funny? im still in a certain headspace, as you can see. i call this "the one in which carlos is bella swan" in my head

Carlos remembers the story Fernando once told him, about his grandfather and the way he worked in a factory. He was pretty sure the story was bullshit, but Fernando was hillariously drunk, and that's when he usually let things slip. Carlos has learned more about the incestuous fuckfest that was the grid in 2010s than he ever wanted to know that way.

He also learned more about Sebastian Vettel than he ever could imagine wanting to know, but that's another story.

The point of this story was - quality control. Nando's grandfather apparently worked in a factory furing the war (and Carlos isn't asking which one, because Fernando is old), and he complained about there not being enough quality control about - shelling? Or shelving. Carlos isn't sure, and he definitely isn't going to ask because he doesn't really care and it's not even that relevant for the story of now, except it's all he can think about when he watches Lando hiss in pain and struggle to get the new watch Carlos had brought him off his wrist.

"It's got fucking silver in it!" Lando yelps, and throws the watch on the floor.

"No it doesn't," Carlos says, more confused than he ever has been in Lando's company (and those couple of times when he fell asleep beside Lando in the hotel rooms all over the world before and after the races and Carlos woke up dizzy and disoriented and hard don't count). "It's pure gold. I know you don't like silver, so I bought you gold."

Lando scoffs. "The fuck it is," he says, pain evident in his voice as he rubs his reddened wrist. "I don't know what bullshit your sponsors are feeding you guys, but there's definitely silver in this."

Carlos frowns, coming closer and taking Lando's hand in his. His wrist is swollen and a very unhealthy shade of red. "I didn't know you were alergic."

Lando's eyes shift to the side. "Yeah, I - I'm alergic," he says. "A pretty bad allergy." He chuckles. "Life-threatening."

Carlos feels like he's missing the joke. He feels like that a lot with Lando, except it never feels like the joke is on him, more like Lando is being hard on himself.

"I'm sorry," he says sincerely, trailing his fingers over Lando's skin. "I didn't know. I'll have a word with Richard Mille representative."

Lando's eyes are huge in the dim light of the room when he looks up at Carlos. It takes everything in him not to tighten his hold on Lando's wounded wrist.

"No problem, mate. It's the thought that counts anyway." Lando shifts a bit, and Carlos lets go. "I'll be fine. Wanna play FIFA?" He shakes the sleeves of his hoodie until they are covering half of his hands.

Carlos feels like he's missing something. He feels bad about the watch, though, so he only nods. "Sure."

Lando grins at him, and it's alright.

-

Except.

Except, when Carlos says goodbye that night, he catches a glimpse of Lando's wrist.

It's pale pink, and not swollen anymore.

-

Carlos watches Lando during the post race interview. His cheeks are a bit flushed, but he's still very pale. They've just spent a whole week on the beach and Carlos has an even darker tan than usual, but Lando is still extremely pale.

Carlos can't remember Lando using sunscreen once on their vacation.

He watches Lando until Caco elbows him in the ribs, muttering "Obvious and oblivious, my fucking God."

-

"He never sleeps," Oscar says offhandedly. "He texts me the weirdest shit at like, four in the morning, and then he's right as rain in the sim at seven." He turns to Carlos. "Was he always like that?"

Carlos ignores the gnawing in his stomach at the fact that Lando texts Oscar randomly. Before he can answer, Alex does.

"Oh my God, yes! He used to be the same when we were kids, never fucking sleeping. George, do you remember that one time..." he continues, but Carlos isn't listening.

Carlos can't remember a time when they were together and Lando fell asleep first.

-

"Aren't you hungry?" Max asks Lando on the plane taking them all back to Monaco.

"Nah," Lando replies, eyeing Max's burger with a mix of apprehension and disgust. "I ate before, plus, that just looks like an extra hour in the gym, and I don't wanna do that."

Max shrugs. "Suit yourself, weirdo."

Lando kicks him under the table and then leans back in his seat, fishing his earphones out. He catches Carlos' eye as he does so, and smiles.

Carlos smiles back instinctively, as he always does. Lando's lips look very red in his pale face. When he ducks his head, Carlos thinks he sees a flash of something sharp.

It must be the light, he thinks. Or the exhaustion.

It's probably both.

-

"Do you have an oral fixation, mate," George laughs, leaning on the fence. "You're always sucking on that straw, what are you even drinking?"

Lando shrugs, flipping George off for good measure. "You have an oral fixation," he replies, pulling his lips away from the straw. "And it's a protein smoothie, you dickhead."

Carlos watches him lick the remnants of his drink away. His lips are still stained red with it.

"Does it taste good?" he hears himself ask.

Both Lando and George turn to him, but Carlos is focused on the way Lando's eyes shift to the side for just a second before he scrunches his nose. "Not the best I've ever had, but good enough." He shrugs. "New recipe. Strawberries."

Carlos has a mild allergy to strawberries, so he can't ask to try it, at least not just before the race.

Lando knows Carlos is alergic to strawberries.

-

The race was a disaster, as are most of them lately. Carlos lies in his bed, finally free after the debrief. He can't sleep. His mind turns and turns around, and for once, he isn't thinking about the race data.

His phone is opened on the Google start page. Before he knows what he's doing, he types.

allergy to silver aversion to food paleness doesnt sleep symptoms disease

-

He knocks on the door too loudly for the early hour of the morning. There is shuffling, and then Lando opens the door.

"Carlos? What the fuck, mate, it's like, three in -"

"I thought silver was for werewolves."

Lando stops speaking. Carlos thinks he might have stopped breathing, too. That wasn't what he was going to say, but fuck it, it's what came out.

"What?" Lando says slowly. "What are you talking about?"

Carlos would've thought he was crazy, except. Except Lando's eyes flicker to the side, and Carlos knows how Lando looks when he is lying.

"I thought silver hurt werewolves. That's the myth," he repeats. "But you're not a werewolf. I don't think." He takes a breath. "You're a vampire."

He isn't looking away from Lando. He can't. He stares right into Lando's eyes and sees the emotions and the calculations in them as they happen, and he isn't going away until he knows, because he isn't crazy, he knows what he knows, he knows he isn't imagining things and -

"Fuck," Lando breathes out, his shoulders sagging. "Fuck, I'm so screwed," he says, and then pulls Carlos inside his room and shuts the door, but not before Carlos sees his fangs elongate and protrude, biting into his bottom lip.

Fuck, he thinks, and then, hot.

[offorestsongs]

lilyarrow headcanons/rambles

welcome to: the most embarrassing thing i've posted yet shfjdjf but i'm sick and i'm having the worst brainrot known to man so i think i'm allowed to be self indulgent (im constantly battling the little cop in my brain that's telling me i'm being cringe with anything i do lmao) either way, enjoy some Rook/Lysander rambles

they actually first met pretty early on,, sometime after book 2 maybe???

Vil once said that it's a shame that the Prefect has such long, pretty hair, yet he doesn't take good care of it and how he wouldn't let that fly if Lysander was in Pomefiore

cue Rook bringing Lysander to Vil so Vil can give him guidance (Vil: that's not what i asked of you??)

Lysander is like a delicate flower, Rook couldn't let his beauty wither away! that would be failing his life mission!

Lysander is a sweetheart, but he's also a little weird, which comes with growing up very isolated - meet with a guy who seems to know his name, age, height and preferences he just. blushes

he thinks it's SO sweet that somebody would pay so much attention to him heaven's help him

they're the definition of slow burn friends to lovers 300k words

it was always my interpretation that while Rook gets infatuated easily, it takes him a lot to truly fall in love

meanwhile Lysander falls fast and hard and is panicking about it So bad

this is the first time he'd ever had a crush on somebody who's not wholly unreachable to him and he's NOT dealing with it well

Ace relentlessly bullies Lysander for his choice in love interest sshfjsjfdhdk

it's very important to me that Lysander is somebody who grew up mostly confined to one place and he meets somebody who can show him the world and let him be more free

they bond over their love of nature/wilderness!!! they go on silly little adventures together!!!

Rook also showed Lysander how to climb trees bc Lysander was never allowed to as a kid

i like to think they had a little "there was only one bed" situation in book 5 lmao

i mean, despite Lysander’s best efforts, Ramshackle doesn't have that many rooms that are actually suitable for guests, they have to squeeze somebody in somehow

(it was probably Vil’s suggestion that they sleep in the same room; he's so tired of listening to Rook talking about how elegantly Lysander ate a sandwich this morning)

Lysander has actually trouble falling asleep sometimes, for a lot of reasons, but now he suddenly discovers that it takes him like, five seconds to fall asleep with Rook next to him because Rook makes him feel so safe

(Rook is weird about falling asleep with other people around so he mostly watches Lysander sleep. not that hes complaining! to the contrary!)

Rook is very uh. attuned to Lysander’s smell. he always notices when Lysander uses a different shampoo/conditioner/shower gel. he also notices when his own smell rubs off on Lysander (and he's appropriately smug about it)

they're THE WORST couple to be around once they actually get together somebody help them DHFJDJ they're very open with their affections (Lysander has at least the decency to get embarrassed but not as much to stop)

also Rook often visits Lysander when he has his shifts at the Mostro Longue and Azul is pissed because their couple-y shit is driving away the customers (insert the homophobic dog there should be more gay discrimination at the workplace meme here /j)

yes Rook writes Lysander handwritten love letters but Lysander writes him letters as well because he's a sappy old man at heart

this post was supposed to be longer but Tumblr hates me and ate half of it so bye 😭

[moon-mine679]

putting what he did under a cut!!

i hate this fucker. ive been angry at him still even if what he did was like alright. but anyway, i was having a bad day and didnt wanna talk to some other friends, and i was jokingly saying 'omg we should skip!!' and he was like 'fuck it my life is over' whatever ig... thats like how he normally is. BUUUT, in our entrepreneurship class, we really needed to decide something by the end of class, and he was fucking just deadpan 'fuck my life' ALL BECAUSE I SAID 'LOL WE SHOULD SKIP.' ALL BECAUSE OF THAT. anyway, he kept bugging me about it, so i just left to walk around to avoid him, and when he came back he was like 'bluds gone for the whole period', YEAH I WONDER WHY. we ended up getting an idea luckily, but that was cause my teacher came to us first. Afterwards tho, he was INSISTENT i answered if i were to skip. he was soooo fucking annoying with it, and when he figured out i skipped without him he was angry with me. why do you care???? fuck off dude.

and everything else he did: constantly would follow me and my friends. is disgusting and constantly tells me hes constantly after revenge. in entrepreneurship class, wont do jack shit. made fun of my weight and when i said i was starving myself he said 'good'. constantly brings down the mood with his suicidal feelings. and when was writing a story, CONSTANTLY complains to me about how he doesnt know what to do, but when i try to give him advice hes like 'no' (sometimes acts the same when i give him suggestions for mental help). has a crush on me only because i comfort him, doubt hed love me when im bleeding and venting like i do with everything on this blog. and he would constantly dismiss my mood and feelings in order to talk about his own (kinda what he did)

i get hes mentally ill, and i think i should be open-minded and shit, and i really am trying to be, but hes pissing me off at this point. idrk what to do :(

idk if this poll will do anything to affect my final choice, but i really just dk what to do

[thotsforvillainrights]

OOO IM SO EXCITED THE BOX IS OPENED AGAIN!! I love your writings it always feels like you and horikoshi really have the same brain when it comes to the characters minds!

Can I request some bedroom time with skeptic 🫣

I hope you have an amazing day and your gonna be a great mama💖

[Oh I wouldn't take credit for that one since I do tend to write characters very...out of character most of the time lol. But I appreciate you enjoying my silly content! Let's see if I can finally do some actual smut or if I'm still not ready. Test those waters haha]

[sidenote: thank you, I'm still anxious about parenthood so it means a lot to hear that]

~Romance~

-Tomoyasu Chikazoku Smut-

Romance: a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

It was no secret, anyone could see it. Tomoyasu was by no means a romantic person. I've said it before, and I'll bring it back up again. Even when he'd proposed to you, he'd entered the room and tossed the ring box at you before saying "Let's get married". Although he sobbed at the wedding, he still hadn't managed to find the proper way to romance you without cringing at the thought of it. Roses and candlelight, smooth words and sexy music. Hanabata had given his unsolicited advice a million times over. A lovely dinner, a walk in the park, a horse driven carriage. All lovely advice from his grand commander. Perhaps something simple like playing video games together? Geten added his suggestions. A night out on the town, shopping and eating, passionate love making. Chitose's annoying smirk at the very end had made him shutter. Making love and fucking, what's the difference. Sex is sex yes?

Nonetheless, he finally decided to let himself bare the risk of embarrassment. He took a few pages from the romance book and began setting up the cliché environment when he arrived home before you. He was far from being a good chef, but he managed to follow a basic pasta recipe. He'd taken a link to a rather inappropriate music playlist from Hanabata. He lit a few candles, but not too many. The smoke might set off the fire detectors. He'd even ran by the store and grabbed some new sheets and a blanket set. Not just to romance you but also because it was on the grocery list and he was supposed to had bought it last week. Finally he took a minute to think really hard about the words Chitose spoke earlier. Making love, was there really a difference? Even on your honeymoon he remembered the way he'd taken you. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't taken his time or went slow with you at all. You never complained but still...

"Tomo?" Your voice rang out as the front door had opened and closed. Why was he freezing up now??? He sat still and listened to the sound of shuffling around. No doubt you were putting away your bag and taking off your shoes. A few more worries started flooding his mind. What if you didn't like it? What if this is too much? What if, what if. "There you are. Is everything okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." You smiled gently at him and took a seat on the bed. "So uh, let me start by saying that I'm really glad you finally got the bedset. I was starting to go crazy sleeping under the old one. And this one is real soft by the way, I love it." You complimented him and he nodded, keeping his eyes to the floor. "Tomo…what's all the stuff for in there?"

"Never mind it, I'll get it all cleaned up." When he went to stand up, you grab his arm and stop him. "Oh no, no way. I smell the spaghetti in the kitchen and there is no way you're trashing it. I'm starving. And anyway, I was just wondering about everything since it's not like you. There's nothing special happening is there?" He was quiet for a moment before turning to finally look at you. "I uh...I just wanted to be romantic for once. It's stupid shit so just disregard it." You chuckle lightly and caress his face with your hand. "I don't think it's stupid. I like it. I mean, I really appreciate it yknow? It's like mixing things up every once in a while. Thank you." You smile warmly at him and lean to kiss him gently (which honestly ends up being slower and longer than you anticipated. "I will say this though..." Your hand trails along his thigh and he's frozen, face turning red slowly. "With the kind of music playing in there, I don't assume you intended to just eat pasta and sleep, hmm?" Like a switch he immediately leaned over you as you ended up with you back on the sheets. He paused for a moment to think this through.

'Slower...'

He carefully moved his hand up your inner thigh and to the hem of your pants. Sure you were confused but the burning need inside far outweighed any confusion in the moment. He was never this gentle. By now you'd be face down in the pillows, ass up while he absolutely ravaged you. He'd just now managed to wiggle your pants and underwear down, the whole time kissing you still a bit rough but sweetly at the same time. He made sure to take his time and let his tongue explore every inch, every crevice in your mouth while his hands made quick work of your clothes and then his as well. He was taking special note of the way his fingers interacted with you, and the way he took just a small moment to service you with his mouth instead of the other way around had you believing something happened and this was not truly the Tomoyasu you knew and loved.

He moved slow, using his tongue to shift motions and evoke deep moans from you. You'd reached down to grip at his hair and pull, making him shake and release a moan of his own. The vibrations did nothing more than lead you further and further into an orgasm all for him. He'd be lying if he wasn't proud of causing it by the way.

He'd also even took his time to let you catch your breath, leaving buttlerfly kisses along your skin until you were finally back down to earth. Yes he was doing his best at being romantic and slow for you but he was still the same as usual too. He'd made sure not to skip his usual filth of spitting on his own cock and stoking it to lube himself up before entering you. However, this time he went in slow and gave you time to adjust. It was a delicious torture for him, and you could tell just by the way he was groaning and shivering slightly as well. He sat still until you started moving your hips indicating you were ready for him to move finally. It took everything in him to not just start drilling into you as usual. His thrusts were steady, slow but choppy and rough at the same time. He remained eye contact for a short period of time, moaning for you and uttering your name all for you. He stared into your eyes and even slipped out a small 'i love you' before leaning down to nip and kiss at your neck. He was close and you knew it from the way he kept gripping at your hips, so hard he would cut into them any minute with those nails of his. "Fuck...please?~" You nodded, feeling your own release on the horizon for the second time tonight.

He spoke your name once more, finishing and trying him best to stop that constant little twitch he gave out every time he came. It was impossible but you didn't mind it. When the both of you regained your composure, he gently rubbed circles into your back and stared up at the ceiling while you lay your head on his chest. "I really do love you by the way. My apologies it's rather difficult for me to show it like most others are able to do so. I am going to do better from now on."

"I never complained about it before Tomo. I love you and I know you have a weird way at showing it but I also never doubted your feelings for me. I love you so don't push yourself out of your boundaries if you don't want to do so. By the way...we need to get up and eat before that spaghetti gets too cold."

[fuck-customers]

🪐 craft store anon again

this will be a long one because I've had A Week.

idk what it is with old ladies this week but theyre all being fucking awful.

this one lady brought up 3 of the same fake plants, telling me they should be $5.99, but they rang up $16.99 each so u can imagine the lady was not happy. my manager was at the registers with me at the time so I was able to walk back with the lady to go see where she found them, bcuz they also should $16.99 on my handheld.

so we go back there, and the place she "found them" is completely different where it shows that they go. cuz as it turns out these are spring collection specific plants. but still she goes "well rules say you have to still give them to me for $5.99 bvuz thats where I found them" like the fuck?? no we don't. cuz for all I know you couldn't be completely lying and just have stuck them there judt cuz you don't want to pay full price.

so we go back up to the registers and she's still complaining, my manager hears and says "just let her have them for the 6 bucks." ok fine whatever she shouldn't get them bcuz she's being so annoying about it and also THATS NOT THE FUCKING PRICE but whatever.

she gets them for $5.99 each and leaves, hope I never have to see her again :)

not 5 minutes later this other lady comes up saying she's exchanging these two t-shirts. now, my store is pretty far behind on any "technology shit", so for us we have to do a return AND THEN process the buying transaction. YES IM VERY MUCH FUCKING AWARE THAT EVERYWHERR ELSE LETS YOU DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME OK THANK YOU MOVE ON WITH YOUR GODDAMN LIVES. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE US AND THEM IS THAT IT TAKES LONGER. YOURE NOT LOSING MONEY BCUZ OF THIS OKAY.

ok anyway. so for the return her shirt rings up as a little over $4 because she used a rewards thing on that transaction. (she wouldn't stop going on and on about what I wanted about just more in the caps and literally wouldn't let us move on until MY MANAGER SAID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THINGS I DID) but WHATEVRR.

so we finish the return. starts the buying process. her new shirt rings up the regular price of $4.99. there was like a 50 cent different between these two transactions mind you. but this lady starts getting Even More aggressive about how "theyre not the same price!!" bcuz you used rewards. "im losing money now im not paying that why aren't they the same price!!" you used rewards which takes a certain amount off the price.

my manager again goes "just give it to her for the $4 whatever price" fine. whatever. lady goes "thak you oh my god was that so hard?" LIKE FUCK YOU LADY GET OUT OF MY STORE

I like my manager, she's a really fun person, but she definitely hates confrontation with customers and is a stick up to them alot and I hate that.

anyways sorry for the long ask

[psychesetra]

why tf do parents go "but who will take care of you???" when u say u dont want kids

like wtf??

NO

i dont want to burden my kid like that wtf

every time my parents ask me if im gonna take care of them im incredibly close to saying no bc of all the shit they do

but i say yes bc they guilt me into itdo they just,,, want me to do that???

to my kid??

like

EW

no im gonna let my kid be independent and not have to take care of me i will not burden them

also i hate how society is collapsing on itself to the point where little children are incredibly compelled to male a change

and parents are lik "why tf ur grades a B+" SORRY MOM. SORRY IM TRYING TO DO MY BEST WITHOUT YOUR HELP SO THAT YOU GUYS STOP GUILTING ME ABOUT BEING TIRED????

and then they go "oh but the adults are taking care of it" EXCUSE ME??? WHAT ADULTS??? I KNOW MORE ABOUT THE DAMN ISR-PAL CONFLICT THAN YOU DO

i have so many funds in my blog but my parents don't know what the hell is going on

they BARELY understood the ch-ph conflcit even AFTER i explained it to them

its as if we're the adults now school is essentially the same as office work with the depression a lot of us have and then we have to deal with the political stuff our parents are too busy to think of and ACTUALLY HELP

as kids we CANNOT DO ANYTHING

WE'RE UNABLE TO BE INDEPENDENT HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DONATE TO FUNDS IF WE DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY

parents smh

our parents only have three MAIN issues imo: work, family and money

kids on the otherhand, TEENAGERS AND CHILDREN are thinking of family, parent's finances, parents, their own schoolwork, their parent's work, and political shiz

i used to calculate my parent's money to help them

smh why are we making kids do things we can do why are adults allowed to laze around in the house in the excuse of teaching kids chores

DO IT WITH US MORONS

MAYBE THEN WE'LL LEARN

actually the simple fact we as children can understand all these societal problems is terrifying

parents literally tel us "when i was your age i was playing outside lang" EXACTLYYOU DIDNT WORRY AVOUT IF YOUR DAMN COUTNRY WAS GOING TO SUFFER WAR

OR IF ANOTHER WAS GOING TO BE WIPED OFF THE MAP

parents complain and complain abt their kids but they fail to see the incredibly big picture that their kids are doing more for the world than they are AT THE AGES OF 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, WHATEVER DAMN AGE IT IS THEYRE DOING A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN THE 40 YR OLDS STUCK IN THEIR OFFICES WHINING AND WHINING

sorry i just needed to stop choking on that

idk what to tag but pls reblog if you see this

[vajazzly]

ok while summer came early chapter five is (still, im sorry, i KNOW) in the works ive been messing around with some b-sides, so, have some 18-year-old wolfstar being..... them.

(for the full experience please queue up chicago by sufjan stevens and press play at the line "the opening notes start to play")

Remus nods off twice at the diner in Toledo despite the cocktail of adderall and caffeine he’s been mainlining for the past few days, so Sirius is at the wheel when they finally pass the sign welcoming them to Chicago, which is really kind of anticlimactic - Remus is sound asleep with his head pressed awkwardly against the window and the sign is nothing special, plain green with nothing to distinguish it from all the other nondescript signs that came before it. Sirius lets himself bask in the moment anyway. Traffic is backed up for god knows how many miles, their AC is halfway to broken and he sweat through his t-shirt two hours ago, the highway is, honestly, particularly ugly - but they’re here. Chicago.

He manages to prod Remus awake after a respectable ten minutes of grumbling, but once he’s awake he sits up, too fast and banging his head on the roof of the car, rubbing at it while he stares out the window, blinking, turning back to Sirius with an eyebrow raised and a shit-eating grin.

“Oh no, it’s hideous.”

“Shut up! It’s - grab the CD, fucker!”

“The CD?”

“Yes, the fucking CD!”

“What CD?

“The - the fucking CD! The CD!”

“Oh, the CD?”

It occurs to Sirius then that Remus is fucking with him, which he thinks is a sign he needs to get them to the new apartment as soon as possible so they can both get some sleep. Remus laughs and rifles through the glove compartment as he groans and complains and rolls down the window to flip off a minivan that tries to cut him off, shouting garbled nonsense as they speed off - traffic is inexplicably going faster as they approach downtown, and really that doesn’t make any sense and it means Sirius is shouting at Remus to hurry the fuck up, no, not that song, keep skipping, for God’s sake -

The opening notes start to play just as the skyscrapers of downtown come into view, and then Remus is cranking the stereo up as loud as it’ll go and craning his neck to stare out the window with his jaw hanging wide and Sirius is trying to do the same while also making sure they don’t crash and die on I-90, and it’s not really the best view and it’s still too fucking hot and Sirius hasn’t slept in two days, but all the same he opens his mouth as the opening lyrics start to play and something intangible clicks into place.

I fell in love again

All things go, all things go

Remus rolls down his window and the wind whips at their hair, blowing all the strays that have fallen out of Sirius’s ponytail directly into his eyes and he almost tells Remus to roll it back up, you fucking fuck - but then Remus is sticking his head out with that brilliant toothy smile of his, belting the lyrics -

Drove to Chicago,

All things know, all things know

Everything they own is stuffed into every nook and cranny of the Forester Remus bought five days ago off of some elderly woman in Jersey, and they made a thing of it, just the other day on their last night in Alphard’s apartment, deleting all the phone numbers of all their friends and teachers and social workers in New York until only three remained - each other, Marlene, and Dorcas, whoever they turn out to be, faceless names they’ll be sharing a kitchen, a TV, a brand new life with. It’s exhilarating. Untethered, unmoored except for each other, Sirius has never felt safer, more alive, more free - like New York was dead weight he’s been dragging around that’s suddenly been lifted off, and he imagines for a moment that the sweat on his back is the imprint it’s left, soon to fade into nothing. 

There’s a lot to worry about once they reach the new apartment. Bills, and jobs, and shaping themselves into something more - something that’ll last. There’s a ring on Remus’s finger, a cheap, tarnished thing he nicked from a thrift store when the clerk wasn’t looking. It’s not the real thing, not quite yet, but it is a promise, a future, a clear path forward into the unknown, together. All they need, really.

[nitazenes]

lmao you mad?

idgaf who sees any of my messy BS at this point. There's no way I could restart or anything because everyone who has ever stalked me has found my socmed

but it's my turn to vent

you have the gall to get petty and vague me and say that you are frustrated when, let's take a look at the facts, shall we?

We were together for over a year and not once did you try to get to know me. Never asked questions. Do you even know how old I am or what gender I identify as? Like the bare minimum bc i dont think you do.

The whole time I felt like you loved your husband more than me and i was just a side piece

I took time to actively invest myself in your interests, researching things you were into, following every blog you made because despite getting nothing in return I still loved you.

You abandoned me in the middle of me being controlled and abused when you were in the exact same predicament previously. Would you have wanted that when you were going through your abuse? Me just walking away to let you deal with it instead of being supportive and understanding.

When I came back to you after that horrible relationship ended you said you still wanted me to be part of your life and you wanted to take time and not rush but you left me believing that you were my supporter.

2 months pass and it's the same shit "good morning" "goodnight" being our only messages through the day. And sometimes i didnt even get that.

I come back to you to tell you that I want to be your partner again and you tell me youre no longer attracted to me. I don't blame you for that, in fact, i kind of suspected you were only into men

Which confuses me because I'm NB/gender fluid/have male alters. i identify as a man sometimes. i still grow my facial hair out sometimes. my legs havent been shaved in years like im not a girl dude so i felt that was a little transphobic

I may look feminine and i may embrace that feminine look currently but im not a girl

None of your alters ever really spoke to me. If we spoke at all that day

Ultimately we dated for over a year and you still didn't know anything about me. In fact In the end there, I was trying to be more of an initiator for you and was even getting pushy about wanting to tell you about my past bc that's how I bond with others. I show them my trust by knowing something that makes me vulnerable but you would give me weak responses to things i was passionate about.

Then I tell you I don't want to be your friend. After all of the above, if i did that to you, would you have wanted me as a friend? No. in fact it kind of felt like you just wanted me to kiss your ass while your real relationship was with your husband.

"We never got over you" BULL.

I wasnt going to post anything about this but yknow what, if youre going to bitch and complain about me, when I tried to give you everything. I was going to send you fabrics that ive saved and kept bc my grandmother gave them to me but I knew you had an interest in sewing so I cut up that fabric to send you pieces. I have a whole box of shit ive gathered over the past year I was going to send to you. I made Kandi bracelets for every alter i met or knew about

and what did you do for me?

take. take. take. But you'd never give.

That's why I dont want to be friends with you because even in your silence, you were hurting me. And at this point, people who hurt me have to go. Im too old for this shit anymore and I have a lot more to worry about than being practically ignored by my "partner" and causing my BPD to split every time I saw you posting about how much you were romantically invested *in a character in a video game* yes, i got jealous over a video game character because you would give that character more thought and attention than your own fucking partner.

So block me on everything, go ahead, everyone does.

I hope you get help. I hope you get everything you've ever wanted, but I don't want to hear a word about it.

This is me closing your chapter in my life. I'm sorry it had to be this way.

-Rey

[lux-talks-a-lot]

i was thinking and like, there have been many times in my life where i was too depressed to kill myself

and that's really fucking funny (im doing much better now)

but it's also kinda the point of being depressed i think

bc in the same way that anxiety seems like the most useless helpless feeling in the world when your in the middle of panic attack and all you want is for it to stop BUT is actually your fight/flight response kicking in and trying (& perhaps clumsily succeeding in) keeping you alive during a moment where may feel (and perhaps actually are) deeply unsafe

i think depression is there your inner self-preservation trying to keep you alive in a different way

bc from personal experience, sometimes the danger to your life is no longer an outside source (maybe you moved from the danger, maybe you adapted to it, maybe it's not there anymore)

the danger to your life is you and your brain knows if you COULD do something, it would be first and foremost self-destructive

and depression is awful and like literal chains around your ankles

but generally speaking, your brain & body want to live even when you don't

and they'll make it clear

your body might literally start collapsing bc you've taught your body "we dont rest unless we have to" so your body responded, "we no longer have a choice but to rest"

your brain might go into depression which is a deeply protective state of mind

reminder that your body has a lot of ways to warn you that you're on the way to depression but you have to learn the signs or else they might as well not exist

but yeah, idk, from the perspective of someone who's been to a lot of therapy bc i was something of a troubled child, everything ive been taught about how to take care of myself and my brain; human psychology is complicated but you dont need to know therapy-speak to understand that even when you feel like your brain fucking hates you, it's doing more to take care of you than most people are

trust yourself and your body a little more, there's reasons for why people crash and burn and it's not the depression, it's what led to the depression

i really question calling this shit mental "illness" when so often, it seems to only be an illness bc someone else is complaining about it, i know the moment i shut the fuck up and stopped complaining, i had more people in my life but i also started feeling worse

if we would just let people exist a little more, if we were more willing to give space to things we find uncomfortable instead of being ruled by emotional impulses, we might be able to expand the bubble of societal protection for EVERYONE, keep everyone a little safer

okay, im done my soapbox now, just needed to rant (shoutout to the first therapist i had who very bluntly told my very anti-drug family that i was currently very high risk and saying no to these drugs is saying yes to potentially letting this get worse, go figure the deeply religious undiagnosed autistic gay 12 year old trans egg was a little prone to self-loathing)

also shout out to tumblr, i dont know if it made me less or more at risk, but shout out anyways