#yes i'm sure what bella is going through is very hard

[girlgenius1111]

i'll never leave. never mind.

alexia putellas x reader after the loss of her brother, r tries to deal with her world collapsing. alexia is determined to help her through it, but r doesn't want to drag her girlfriend down with her. some things in life are just too hard to overcome; for r, will this be one of them? angst + fluff. mentions of suicide. basically, a long fic about grief and healing. this is so sad and so long im so sorry. fluff throughout though, because i'm me.

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The phone was staring at you, you were sure. Or maybe it was the missed calls from your girlfriend, the dry texts you’d sent her that gave no indication of how you were feeling. You were at the airport, flying back to Barcelona, and Alexia didn’t even know you were coming. Originally, you weren’t supposed to fly back until the weekend. You’d moved your flight up, though, beyond desperate to see Alexia. 

Your perfect girlfriend, who had been checking on you everyday. Who had offered to come to you if you needed her, no matter what it took. You’d been distant, and you knew it. From the moment you’d heard, you’d pulled away from Alexia. It wasn’t what she’d wanted, and it wasn’t what you’d wanted, but there was no choice for you. Everyone else had to come first. 

You were putting everyone else first when you played in the second leg against Chelsea, hours after finding out that your brother was dead. When you flew home right from London, but didn’t let Alexia go with you. When you’d insisted she return to Barcelona with the team, that she couldn’t come with you. When you only called her to say a brief goodnight, only returned her texts to assure her that you were, in fact, okay. 

It would have made her insecure, maybe, if she hadn’t been so sure of what you were doing. Alexia had always been your safe place. The person you were always comfortable crying in front of, the person you told your biggest fears too. Avoiding her meant avoiding feeling. 

You were the oldest, and with that came the responsibility to be strong. For your parents and your other siblings, you had to be the strong one. Alexia had heard from your sister, Bella, that you’d taken care of everything related to the funeral. You’d jumped head first into planning it, barely taking a second to greet your family before you were asking about flower arrangements and eulogies. Bella told Alexia that she hadn’t seen you shed a single tear. You were a shell of yourself, yes, but it was numbness that you radiated, not pain. Not the agony she was sure you were feeling. You had decided that you had to be strong for everyone else, and that meant not feeling any of it. That meant pushing down every emotion, no matter what it took. 

And if anyone understood that, it was Alexia. She had done the same thing when she’d lost her father; held everything together for her sister and her mother. She pretended she was fine. Alexia had held her sister as she cried, and helped her mother cook and clean and plan. She’d been the oldest, and she’d been strong too. 

Alexia had lasted a few weeks, pretending she was okay. Before every emotion she’d ignored spilled out and she broke. Completely and entirely broke. And she knew, very well, that you were headed for the same thing if you didn’t stop pushing everything down.

There wasn’t much she could do from hundreds of miles away, though, so she did her best to text and call you and remind you, every second of every day, that she loved you more than anything. And that she was only a phone call away. Even if you hadn’t been very receptive to these reminders, you’d noticed, and she knew you appreciated them.  

Now, though, sitting in the bustling airport, you were afraid to go home. Afraid to face your girlfriend, whom you’d been practically ignoring. Afraid to face the reality that was regular life without your brother. Afraid to face every dark and painful emotion you’d been ignoring. You pushed and pushed and pushed them away, until you couldn’t really even remember what it felt like to feel. You were numb. And you weren’t sure if you wanted to stay that way or not. 

What you did want, though, was Alexia. You wanted her to hold you, wanted to hear her heartbeat in your ear. Feel her kiss the top of your head, and scratch your back as you fell asleep. So, it was to Barcelona, to home, to Alexia, that you went, 5 full days before you were supposed to. You just needed to work up the guts to tell Alexia that you were coming home. 

------

Alexia made up her mind to fly to you half a dozen times, only to talk herself out of it. She had no idea how you were feeling, how you were doing, other than the very unsettling updates she’d gotten from your sister. She ached to hear your voice and feel your warm body pressed against hers; she was miserable. 

The team had just arrived at Johan for the midweek match when you finally did call her. Shushing everyone dramatically, Alexia rushed out of the room and answered. 

“Hi Ale.” 

“Mi amor.” She sighed, deeply relieved to hear the sound of your voice. You sounded numb and completely unlike yourself, but you were calling her all the same. 

“Hi.” You repeated, a bit weakly. “I just wanted to wish you good luck.” 

Alexia wanted to cry. Your brother's funeral had been today, and still you remembered to call her and wish her luck on a match she was a bit nervous for. “Thank you, amor. How are you? Are you sure I can’t come today after the match? You are there through this weekend, I want to be with you.” 

“No, no it’s okay. I’m at the airport right now, actually. I’ll be home tonight.” You admitted, nibbling on your lip anxiously. 

“You are coming home today? I thought you were going to stay with your family for a bit longer.” Alexia was thrilled, honestly, but still confused. 

“I was, but I changed my mind. It’s been crazy here, I just want to come home.” 

“Okay, amor. Whatever you want. Whatever you need. When do you land?”

“Right before the match ends. I’ll probably beat you home.” 

“I am excited to see you, bebe. I have missed you so much.” The captain told you gently, using the soft voice that she really only used with you. One that was dripping with love. 

“I’ve missed you too.” You whispered. “You have no idea.” 

“Soon though. Soon. I will come home straight after the game.” 

“Thank you, Alexia. For being so understanding and patient, I’m sorry I’ve been weird this week-”

“Do not apologize, please. You have nothing to be sorry for.” She paused, hearing shouts of her name coming from the other room. “I have to go, but I’ll see you soon. So soon.” 

“Bye, Ale. I love you, good luck today.” 

After hanging up, Alexia knew she had to get her head in the game. There was a match to play, a team that needed her. And even if her heart was boarding a plane in England, getting ready to fly back to her, she had to focus. For the next few hours at least. 

------

Alexia was barely through the door before you were crashing into her arms, absolutely launching your body at hers. You were trembling, trying to contain the whine that came from deep in your throat at the feeling of being safe again. The blonde grabbed you fiercely, pulling you into her arms and squeezing tight. You were lifted off the ground briefly, but you barely even registered it, gripping the blonde’s sweatshirt tight in your fists and shoving your face into her shoulder. 

 Alexia had been trying not to be worried this whole time that you didn’t need her, didn’t want her. She knew, logically, why you were acting the way you had been, but she wasn’t immune to doubts and insecurity. Now, though, with you holding onto her for dear life, she knew she’d been ridiculous. 

“My girl. I’ve got you.” She whispered, feeling you nod into her chest. After a minute, Alexia eased you back and took your face in between her hands, trying to get a good look at your face. You looked like you’d lost weight, and like you hadn’t slept in days. Your eyes were cloudy, gazing up at Alexia like you barely knew she was there. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with you now that she had you back with her. You looked so unlike yourself, so out of it. Alexia didn't think she could get anymore worried, but that was before she’d seen you. 

You weren’t crying, just shaking. Just holding onto Alexia like you were afraid if you let go, she’d disappear. 

“I saw your goal.” You said after a minute. 

Alexia smiled gently at you, pushing a strand of hair away from your face. “It was for you, and for Wesley.”

You flinched at your brother’s name. At the reminder of what had happened. Any minute you could go without thinking about it was a victory, but when you inevitably remembered, it felt like the weight of the world settled back on your shoulders. 

And it was this weight that prompted what you said next. 

“I think we should take a break.” You said blankly, avoiding the midfielder’s eyes at all cost. 

Alexia was stunned into silence for a minute. A different day, a different Alexia, and she would have shut down. Taken your statement as rejection, and left the apartment without another word. But everything about your body language was screaming to her that you didn't mean it. Still gripping her shirt tightly in your hands, still trembling in her arms, you seemed terrified to allow your girlfriend to help you, and terrified to allow her to go. 

“No.” Alexia said simply. 

“Ale, I can’t do this. I have to deal with this, I don’t- I can’t. Everything is so messed up now. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t put you through this, too. I can’t make you figure this out with me. We should just take a few weeks apart, so I can pull myself together, and you don’t have to worry-”

“Stop. No. You are not putting me through anything. I am committed to you, I love you, and I am not going anywhere. Especially not now. If you think I am going to let you go through this alone, you are crazy. You need me, how could I go?” 

“I… I don’t need you.” You said weakly, as if you hadn’t tackled her in a hug the moment you saw her, as if you weren’t inching closer to her every passing second, like the small amount of space in between the two of you was too much.

“You do. And I know that is scary, but I am not leaving. Let me be here. Please.” 

“I’m not… I’m not okay.” It was barely more than a mumble, but Alexia nodded sympathetically. 

“You are not okay. You don’t need to protect me from that, amor. I can be strong for the both of us. I can be whatever you need me to be.” 

A small whimper fell from your lips before you could stop it. There wasn’t any fight left in you, now, not when Alexia was saying all the right things.  “You’re sure?” 

Alexia pulled you in once more, and tucked your head under her chin. “I am sure.” 

“Okay.” You allowed, leaning back after a moment to place a very gentle kiss on your girlfriend’s cheek. 

Taking your face into her hands, Alexia frowned, her thumb tracing over the dark circles under your eyes. You looked shattered, drained completely of energy. “Amor…” 

“Can we go to sleep, Ale? I’m really tired.” 

Alexia could tell. “Of course. Did you not sleep well while you were gone?” 

“No.” You sighed, before hesitantly continuing. “I barely slept, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to now, but I always sleep better next to you, but I don’t know if you’re tired…”

Alexia nodded enthusiastically. “Whatever you need, amor. You have to eat something first, though.” 

You looked away from her. “I ate at the airport.” 

Alexia hummed, a sinking feeling growing in her chest. “No you didn’t. Do you want to shower while I make you something?” 

You nodded begrudgingly, and Alexia kissed you on the cheek before sending you on your way. 

Dinner was a quiet affair. You came out of the shower looking just as you had before. Numb, broken. Alexia had made your favorite for dinner, and you ate as much as you could, which really, wasn’t much at all. The blonde was just glad to get some food into you. You didn’t really remember Alexia pulling you into the bedroom, or tugging on pajamas that were definitely hers. Suddenly, you were in your bed, head resting against Alexia’s chest, her heartbeat steady in your ear. Suddenly, you were safe again. Safe to feel, safe to hurt. You’d just spent so much time not doing either of those things, that you weren’t really sure how to access the emotions you’d spent days repressing. All you knew was that you didn’t want Alexia to ever let you go. 

“Mi amor, do you want to talk?” Her chest vibrated under you as you spoke. 

“About what?”

“How you are feeling?”

“I’m… coping.” You told her weakly. Alexia’s hand found its way into your hair, carefully running through the wet strands. You sighed quietly, snuggling in closer to your girlfriend, even as you knew she was pushing you to have a conversation you didn't really want to partake in. 

“I do not think you are. I talked to your sister, she is worried about you. I am too. Please, just talk to me.” 

You turned slightly, hiding your face more in Alexia’s shirt. “I don’t know what to say, Ale. I don’t know where to start.” 

She hummed sympathetically. “Can I ask you questions? Would that be easier?” 

And you didn’t want to answer questions, but you knew it was best if you opened up to Alexia, even if it was just a little, so you nodded. 

“How was your flight?” She asked. You cracked a smile at her question, clocking that she was starting off simple to ease you into talking to her. She knew you so well, sometimes it felt like she knew you better than you knew yourself. 

“Alright. I slept for most of it, but I watched some of the match.”  

For the next few minutes, Alexia asked questions about your trip, about your sister’s new haircut that you hated. You wilted slightly when she asked about your other brother, and she picked up on that right away.

“Why did you come home so early?” She wondered. You inhaled deeply, rolling off of her and onto your back. You stared at the ceiling, knowing that the truth would make her angry. Not at you, but angry nonetheless, and you didn’t want that. 

“I missed you a lot.” You murmured, refusing to look her in the eye, even as she rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow facing you. 

“I missed you, too. Every second you were gone.” She promised, gently removing a stray eyelash from the side of your face and holding it out for you to blow away. It was an adorable habit she had, always insisting you make a wish. “There is more, though.”

There was no question in Alexia’s words and you sighed again, nodding slowly. “I got into an argument with Bennett. About Wes. We weren’t really speaking to each other after the funeral and it was so tense in the house, I just had to get out of there.” 

“What did you fight about?” 

A tear slid down your face as you shook your head. “I don’t want to talk about that, please.” 

“Okay bebé.” Alexia wiped the tear away with her thumb, leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of your eye, as if to soothe your tears. She pulled the covers of the bed higher, desperately trying to make you more comfortable as you suddenly looked to be in agonizing pain. “Did your parents and your sister choose sides?” 

Alexia knew your family well enough to know how an argument would go. Normally, your sister and your brother would easily agree with your parents, regardless of the topic. And your parents always took their side. Bella and Bennett were twins, the golden children, and it was clear for anyone to see that your parents treated them differently. Without Wes around to mediate, Alexia was sure that you would have been all alone in whatever you were fighting about, and she knew how much you despised conflict. 

Bottom lip wobbling pathetically, you nodded. “Yeah. They all agreed with Ben. None of them… none of them were really talking to me when I left. Bella felt bad, but my parents didn’t say goodbye when I left for the airport.” 

The midfielders stomach twisted at that, knowing how desperately you sought your parents praise and approval. For them to let you fly back across the continent without even a goodbye, after losing their son, after you lost your brother, was cruel. “I am so sorry, amor. That isn’t fair.” 

“I feel like everyone is mad at me.” You whispered, linking your fingers with Alexia’s. 

“I am not mad at you.” Alexia replied, leaning in against to kiss the corner of your mouth. “You are my favorite person in the world, and I am not mad at you. Does that feel better?” 

“Yeah.” You told her, finally shifting to look up at her face. Another few tears slipped down your face and you took a shaky breath. “I want this to all be some horrible nightmare. I want to wake up and find out he’s still here. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” 

“What do you feel?” Alexia asked again, still not letting a single tear make it off your face before she swiped it away. 

This time, you answered her. 

“Everything hurts.” 

“I know.” She whispered, doing her best to pull you closer into her body. 

“I feel like… like I'm broken. Like I'm suffocating. Like I will never feel whole again. I am empty. And I am so fucking sad but I can’t feel it. I can’t make myself feel it. It’s there, locked away, and all I can do is sit. And think. And wish I was dead instead of him.” The last sentence was barely audible, but Alexia heard it clearly. 

She shut her eyes tightly, wrapping her arms tighter around you, as if that would make it better. “Please do not say that.” 

“He called me. That night, he called me and I declined the call. Because we had a match the next day. And now he's dead, and it is my fault.” You admitted, feeling simultaneously like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders at your confession, but another weight added on with the knowledge that your girlfriend would not know exactly what kind of awful person you were. 

But Alexia was Alexia, and she didn’t even flinch at your words. She simply pressed a kiss to your temple and said the words you’d been aching to hear. Words you wanted to believe, words you were scared you never would. “You could not have known, that is not your fault.”

You looked up at her, trying to gauge the sincerity of what she was saying, and found only overwhelming love in her eyes. It was too much. It was love you didn’t deserve. Not when this was your fault. You had never been more convinced in your life than in that moment that you didn't’ deserve Alexia. Her love, her care, her affection, her perfection. She was wholly too good for you. “I don’t even know how you can look at me right now, Ale.”

Your girlfriend shook her head, stunned that you would think such a thing. That you would expect her to blame you for something that was not your fault. Her touch was delicate as she pushed a lock of hair away from your forehead and it was too kind. Too soft. 

You yanked yourself out of her arms, even if it felt like you were ripping your heart out of your chest in doing so. With no destination in mind, you walked away from the bed and tried to leave the room, but Alexia grabbed you first. 

“My love.” She murmured, drawing you into a tight embrace. Alexia very rarely used terms of endearment for you that weren’t in spanish. She only did so when she wanted you to hear what she was saying, clearly. Her hands were insistent on your face, tilting it up so that you could only look into her warm hazel eyes. There was nothing but adoration on her face, and you were sure you didn’t deserve it.  “I can look at you because I love you. More than anything in this world, I love you. What happened is not your fault.” 

You shook your head pathetically, but your movements were stilled by Alexia’s strong hands on either side of your face. 

“It is not your fault.” She insisted. “And I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now, but I will always be kind to you. Even when you are not being kind to yourself.”

You shut your eyes tightly, desperately trying not to cry. Pitching forward, you pressed your face into Ale’s chest, unable to resist the peace and comfort that she provided. She shushed you softly, raining kisses down onto the top of your head. 

“It hurts, Ale,” you whimpered. 

Alexia held you tighter.

“I know, bebé. This is so hard, mi amor, I know that. But you will get through this. We will get through this together. I will not leave your side for a single second, do you understand? I love you. You are going to be okay.” 

Without even being aware that Alexia was moving you, you suddenly found yourself back on the bed, sitting sideways across your girlfriend’s lap. She was always so gentle. So kind. And you didn’t deserve it, you knew that. But the thought of having to go through this without her was overwhelming, devastating. You fought against the urge to cry, terrified that if you let go, she would leave. 

“I can’t do this without you,” you whimpered, holding tightly to her shirt and pressing your face into her neck. You could feel her nod from there, and you settled a bit, especially as her grip on you was tight and unrelenting. 

“You will not have to. I am here with you, mi amor. Right here with you.” She promised, shifting to wrap one arm around your midsection and cradle the back of your head with her other hand. 

“I-I… I can’t,” you stuttered, trying to swallow the lump in your throat even as it constricted tighter and tighter and you knew your efforts would be futile. 

“It is alright, bebé. You can cry. I am right here.” She affirmed again. 

A choked sob fell from your lips as you finally gave in, as the tidal wave of emotion you’d been running from finally caught up to you. It dragged you under the surface over and over, until you could hardly breathe. Until there was nothing else in the room with you but despair. 

You cried for your brother, for who he was and who he would never become. 

For yourself. Because you didn’t answer the phone, but also because you knew deep in your soul that answering would not have changed anything. 

You cried for your siblings, for your parents. Who were so destroyed that they sought out something, someone to blame. Even though they landed on you, even though you needed them. They needed you, but differently. They needed to blame you. It had to be your fault, or it might be theirs. 

You cried for Alexia, because you knew you had put her through hell the past week, and it would only continue. You cried because she was perfect and because you loved her. You cried because she loved you. 

You cried for the first time since hearing about what had happened. You cried for sweet, sweet Wes, who deserved better from everyone in his life. You included, but not only you. 

You cried because it felt like a part of you was dead, too. 

The part that was still alive, though, forced you to listen. To Alexia’s steady heartbeat, and the soft words she whispered. To her reminders to breathe, and her reminders that she loved you. If what you were feeling was a tsunami, Alexia was the high ground that would keep you safe. Keep you alive. 

You clung to that safety, that security. Without her, you might have drifted off. Not to sleep, but away. You’d never have to find out, though. Because Alexia wasn’t going anywhere. Not when you cried, not when you couldn’t breathe, not when you couldn’t speak. She’d bring you back to her every time. Because she loved you. And it didn't matter that you weren’t sure you were deserving of her love. She loved you anyway. 

Once your cries had slowed to pitiful sniffles, the midfielder laid you down carefully next to her, curling her body around yours. You were engulfed in her arms, and the soft blankets on the bed, a safe little cocoon. Alexia couldn’t tell if your eyes were half shut because they were swollen from crying, or if you were exhausted. Probably both. 

Her finger traced little shapes over your cheek as she whispered to you. “Sleep mi amor. I’ve got you. You are safe, and you are okay. Just relax.” 

Her eyes were locked on yours, encouraging you to give in and let yourself rest. Her words, too, felt like a very convincing drug, and you were letting your cheek rest against her chest before you knew it, letting the repetitive beating of her heart lull you to sleep. 

-----

You slept solidly, for the first time in a week. Straight through the night, no interruptions. Well, until morning came, and then you were awoken by quiet crunching. You stretched a bit, not yet ready to open your eyes, but aware from the amount of sun in the room that it was late morning. The crunching stopped as soon as you moved, and you quickly realized you were not curled up against your girlfriend, like you normally slept. Rolling over, you squinted your eyes open and saw Alexia looking guilty down at you, a handful of granola in her hand frozen halfway to her mouth. 

“Sorry.” She whispered. 

It wasn’t really that funny, but you found yourself giggling to yourself, until Alexia started laughing with you. 

“You had to get the crunchiest thing in the kitchen?” You questioned, barely getting the words out through your laughter.. She shook her head at you, putting the bag of granola down and pulling you into her arms. 

“I was going for what would leave the most crumbs in the sheets.” She said cheerily, planting a soft kiss on your cheek. 

“You are so dumb.” You chuckled, sighing comfortably back in her embrace. 

“I am smart.” Alexia declared, before she turned slightly serious. “You can sleep more if you need, bonita. It is 11:30, but we do not have anything we need to do today.” 

“No, it’s okay. I should get up.” 

“Thank god. I am starving and you make better breakfast than I do.” 

You fought a smile, finding the effort she was putting in to make you laugh quite endearing. “You could have woken me if you were hungry. Or gone and gotten something to eat.” Your attempt to slide out of bed was halted by Alexia’s grip tightening around you, her voice soft in your ear. 

“No, you needed to rest. And you were holding on to me in your sleep. I did not want to leave you for long.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“No, no apologies. You need me, I am here. If you need me to lay in bed and cuddle you for half the day, I am more than happy to do that.” She said it so earnestly, you almost felt like crying. 

“Ale, you know I love you, right? More than anything?” 

She nodded, shifting you in her arms to be able to press her forehead to yours. “And I love you. More than all the stars in the sky.” 

You gave her a watery smile, gently pecking her lips with yours. “That is very corny.” 

“There are no ways to tell you how I love you without being corny. You will just have to get used to it.” Alexia whispered, connecting her lips with yours again. It was soft and loving, reflecting everything she’d just said to you. Alexia always made sure to tell you what she felt about you, as well as show you. She was perfect in that way. 

-----

Your words from the previous evening hung between you both like a dark cloud. Alexia was doing her best to treat you normally, you could tell. She didn’t want to hover, but she was filled to the brim with worry for you. So, you took the first step, and brought it up while the two of you were making breakfast.

Clearing your throat, you focused on carefully cutting up the fruit, sure that if you kept yourself slightly distracted, you wouldn’t get too upset.“Last night. What I said…” 

“What did you say?” Alexia asked casually, though you could feel her eyes burning into the back of your head from the opposite counter.  

“I said that I wished I-”

“I remember.” Alexia cut you off not unkindly, abandoning the coffee she was making in favor of walking to you and wrapping her arms around your abdomen. Her chin perched itself on your shoulder, and you leaned back into her, letting your eyes flutter shut. 

“I didn’t mean it.” You told her. Her silence told you she was skeptical, and she should have been. “Okay, I did mean it. But I would never do anything stupid, okay? I would never… do what he did. I am upset and I am hurting but I know… know that I can be okay again. I think.” 

All the tension left your girlfriend’s body, and you were only aware of how stressed she had been once she relaxed. She sagged into you, burying her face in the crook of your neck and nodding rapidly. “Good. Good. I love you. So much.” You moved to return to chopping your fruit, but the blonde took the knife from your hand and set it down, before spinning you to face her. She was completely serious as she addressed you. “If you ever felt like that,” 

“Alexia, I am not going to...” You let the sentence fade out, inhaling deeply again before you continued. “I wouldn’t do that to you, or to my family, I wouldn’t be that-” 

You cut yourself off, shaking your head. Alexia didn’t let you pull out of her grasp like you wanted to, studying your face closely. 

“You are angry with him, sí?” Alexia asked carefully. She was too perceptive for her own good sometimes. 

“Yeah.” Admitting it felt like a betrayal. 

“That is okay. You can be angry.” 

You weren’t convinced and Alexia ached to make you understand that your feelings, whatever they were, were valid. Still, she knew when to push and when not to, so she let it go. For now.

With a soft kiss on your lips, she nudged you back to the fruit, whining dramatically that she was hungry. Alexia could always make a situation light hearted again with just a few words, and that was something you realized you hadn’t appreciated enough until now. 

-----

Alexia’s brain hurt from thinking. Around and around in circles, wishing she could convince herself she was wrong about the conclusion she had come to. You were sitting in between her legs on the couch, half watching the football match on TV, half enjoying the way Alexia’s fingers played with your hair. She couldn’t stop thinking about the fight you’d said you had with your brother, and what it could have been about. How bad it could have been for you to leave home early, for your parents not to be speaking to you, especially after everything that had happened. Alexia thought and thought and thought until she couldn’t take it anymore, and then she just asked. 

“Can I ask you something?” The blonde murmured, finishing the braid she was twisting your hair into, only to take it out and start again. 

Her hands playing with your hair was ridiculously soothing, and you only hummed in response.

“The fight with your brother? Was that about Wes calling you that night?” 

All the work Alexia had done to get your body to relax was undone as soon as the words left her mouth. Your shoulders scrunched back up, and you went back to picking at your cuticles. You’d already made a few nails bleed this morning, and your girlfriend sighed internally as you another one began to bleed, too. 

“Yes. I didn’t tell them right away, but my dad went through Wes’ phone and that was the last call he made.” Your voice broke, and Alexia abandoned your hair in favor of pulling you into her, your back to her front. “He asked me about it, and Ben just… freaked out.” 

“What did Bennett say?” She wondered, pulling each of your hands into hers in an effort to stop the damage you were inflicting on your nails. 

“He said I should have answered. That is wasn’t enough that I left the country for football, left Wes behind, but I ignored his call even though family is supposed to be the most important thing. And that he blames me. He said that if I had answered, Wes would be alive.” 

“What did your parents say?” 

“They agreed with Ben. Said I shouldn’t come home until I decide to start putting my family first. My dad said…” Again, you trailed off. This time, it was because you weren’t sure you had the strength to repeat what had been said to you. 

“Tell me, baby.” Alexia encouraged, hoping that if she held you tight enough, the pain would leave you alone for a while. 

“He said it was my fault his son was dead, and if there was any justice in the world it would have been me instead.” You whispered, Alexia’s sharp intake of air closely mirroring what your reaction had been. “I moved my flight after that. I still had to go to the funeral, but I wanted to leave as soon as I could.” 

It was overwhelming, everything your girlfriend was feeling, and she couldn’t even imagine the turmoil you were in at the moment. The urge to call your father and give him a piece of her mind was almost as strong as the urge to wrap you up in a blanket against her and never let anyone hurt you again. Almost. 

“Mi preciosa, he is wrong. That is not true. Your brother never would have wanted you to blame yourself. He loved you so much, and he knew you loved him too. He would be angry if he knew how everyone was treating you. Amor, you know this, right?” 

Your shrug was not good enough for Alexia.

“This was not your fault. It is not on you. You are a good person, and an incredible sister. Your parents and Bennett, they are hurting, but they should not have said the things they have said.  It hurts them that this happened out of their control, and they just want someone to blame. It is not fair that it is you, amor, but they are wrong. They are so, so wrong.” 

“I want to believe that.” You replied, hanging onto her every word even if it felt like everything she was saying was much too generous to you. “I just don’t know how to.” 

Alexia nodded, her lips finding your cheek in a gentle peck. “I will remind you every day, until you believe it. You are good, you are loved, and this was not your fault.” She repeated herself, and you shut your eyes, trying to force the reassurances to seep into your brain, and hopefully stay there. 

When you opened your eyes again, turning slightly so you could see her face, you believed her just a bit more. Bit by bit, Alexia would convince you. Just like she’d convinced you that she loved you. Like she’d convinced you to let her start putting some of her clothes in your half of the closet, and that cappuccinos were better than lattes.  She was persuasive, your Alexia. Unrelenting, determined, and persuasive. When she set her mind on something, she didn’t give up. It was this tendency of hers that had you almost convinced that you’d survive this. Even if it was the hardest thing you’d ever do, Alexia would get you through it. 

“What have I done to deserve you?” You murmured, looking up at her with something close to awe on your face. 

“You did not have to do anything. I love you. You deserve to be loved.” Alexia replied easily. She didn’t think twice before she spoke. It wouldn’t ever not surprise you how easily, how fully, Alexia loved you, and that was okay. You never wanted Alexia’s love to grow mundane, or unsurprising. You wanted the force of her love to always knock you off your feet, just a little. Because you were pretty sure the force of your love for her would always be overpowering, too. 

-------

this was so dialogue heavy and im not sure i don't think it's awful and too depressing, so thanks for sticking around to the end if you did :)

not... opposed to a part 2 honestly. i have a little part written about alexia trying to deal with r's grief, while also finding it to be such a harsh reminder of her own experience. but i'm not sure what else it would be, or if anyone would want it anyway so. give me your thoughts :)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I’m not sure if you’ve ever said anything about this, but the first time I read new moon, the vote chapter, there was one bit that really stuck out:

(from Bella’s point of view) Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Carlisle. Carlisle ignored that.

Bella later went on to say it was hard to talk clearly with how Edward was holding her jaw. I don’t know if I’ve misunderstood what exactly was happening, but why did the entire family watch that and do nothing? I’ve read the metas where you’ve said it’d take a lot for Carlisle to realise what Edward really is, but surely that’s a pretty massive indicator and Carlisle actively ignored it?

Anon, you're hilarious.

An Aside in Which I Say "Look in the Mirror"

I've been running this blog for a few years now (a terrifying thought) and I'm both a) one of the most critical of Edward in this space (which is not a bad thing, mind, people are free to do what they like) b) often get asks in which I am asked by anons to justify why I think poorly of Edward.

This is on top of the thousands of metas I've written pointing out various things from canon, where I've presented many arguments, and anons still will ask me to make more arguments.

This is fandom, anon, relatively objective observers who are privy to information the characters in the story don't have. We know Bella's exact thoughts, we know how Edward has interacted with her in private, and we even know Edward's private thoughts for at least the duration of Twilight because of Midnight Sun.

AND YET, I AM HERE.

And you ask this as if it should be obvious to the most casual observer.

Back to Your Ask

I've discussed this at length in posts I'm too lazy to look up at the moment but the crux of it is that

a) Edward's a beloved family member and it's deeply hard to think ill of those we love and we want to justify their actions

b) the family doesn't see most of what goes on with Bella and are only told things by Alice and Edward with Alice being firmly on Edward's side

c) Due to his having previously had a redemption arc in which Edward came back unprompted to the diet even though it must have been not only humiliating but terrifying, Edward comes across as one of the Cullens who best understands that human life is worth protecting and just why they're all doing the diet.

This particular moment though, I'd also give Edward a pass if I was present. To touch Bella at all, to move her like this, Edward has to be extraordinarily gentle and careful. If he was at all rough with her, at all, Bella would be dead or seriously injured (with her jaw crushed between Edward's fingers, her neck snapped, etc.) Basically, for Edward to do this at all, he's being incredibly mindful and the Cullens as vampires are very aware of that.

Add onto that that Bella can speak, when this is a guy who's hand is made of stone, he has to be holding her incredibly gently from his perspective for her to be able to speak at all (and not have a broken jaw).

Also from the outside perspective, where Bella and Edward are in this romantic relationship (even though they just got out of being broken up) and they all know Edward's deeply in love with Bella, this looks like an intimate gesture than it does a "LOOK AT ME" gesture. It's not something any of them would do, or a normal person would, but they're also not dating Bella/convinced they're soulmates with her.

Add into that that they're in the middle of a very intense day, in which Edward had just tried to kill himself and is very emotionally fragile, Bella's now asking to be turned directly, the Volturi barely pardoned them, and Edward is coming unglued with the idea that Bella's going to be turned and the Cullens aren't at the top of their game.

They're just trying to get through the conversation where they tell Edward (and Rosalie) that, yes, they actually do have to turn Bella.

This doesn't register as physical violence to them, and I don't blame them for this one.

[avasassisstant01]

All the possibilities

Janine Teagues x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: After 3 years, you finally confess your feelings for Janine to her. Of course, its not without some misunderstandings. Wordcount: 6.1k

Angst with happy ending

Warnings: None really

Shoutout and idea credit to: @lilfartbox1 for being the only reason this has come to be what it became. Thank you.

The chatter of your 4th graders working on an art project filled your classroom while you sat with your headphones on, trying to grade their most recent maths papers. Your favourite songs played, loud enough to help you stay focused but not loud enough to miss something happening between your students. 

It wasn't the conventional approach to quiet time, but your kids (although they tried) were terrible at keeping quiet and letting you focus. You had to make some kind of plan.

You looked up at the kids every few seconds to make sure there was still order.

Content with what you saw, you looked at your desk, sticking a sticker onto one of your most struggling maths student's test, a calculator with the words 'proud of you' on its screen. You smiled, proud that he was finally making some progress with his long multiplication.

A knock came at your door. Your heart jumped and you threw your headphones off out of instinct. Although you took pride in your headphone analogy, if one of the older teachers saw you, like Barbara; you'd be horrified. You had worked hard for the past 3 years to prove yourself to all the teachers at Abbott, especially Mrs. Howard. You'd hate to lose that respect so soon into the 3rd year.

You fiddled with your messy desk, then you turned while you fixed your clothing, planting a fake smile on towards whoever was there. You stood up, grateful that your door was closed at the kids request.

"Kids, keep working quietly, I'll be right back."

"Ummm…" Came Bella, your most paranoid student's voice from the front group, closest to your desk. You were almost certain she was going to ask for some form of protection against her other classmates when things inevitably got out of hand. 

Another knock came simultaneously. 

You turned your attention to the door for a split moment, then back to Bella.

"Coming," you said to the either very eager or very angry person on the other side. 

Your brain worked to find a solution to your Bella problem quite quickly, "Courtney, you're in charge of keeping Bella safe if I'm not back in ten minutes." 

"Sure, teacher L/n!" Courtney said with her charming yet never all that reassuring smile.You were surprised that she hadn’t at least asked for 5 dollars in exchange for her work; she always did. 

Now questioning if your impulsive request was worth the possible aftermath, you stopped once again to think. Courtney was, in the kindest way possible, a major gamble. And with her track record with Janine for the first part of the year before, you weren't sure if you were willing to risk it. 

Yet another impatient round of thuds came through to your side.  

Whispers came from across the maze of desks. The kids were basically challenging you to leave them to create chaos by themselves.

With no time to think, you sighed- Courtney was your best bet for Bella and the rest of the group was gonna have to protect themselves.

"I'll be right back. Just please. Don't break anything, or anyone." You said, far too desperately considering the authority you had compared to the kids.

Getting a patchy, "Yes, Teacher L/n!" from some of them, you looked at a few of your more mischievous kids, pointing at all of them so they knew not to try anything.

Opening the door, a more filled "Yes, Teacher Y/n." came from your class, satisfying you more than before. A sigh left your system when no loud crashes came from the room seconds after your departure.

"Y/n!" Your best friend said in a winded manner as you got out of your room.

Janine Teagues, in all her glory, smiled widely at you. Realising that it was just Janine and not Barbara brought a smile to your face, until you realised that it was… well, Janine. 

Now your mind raced even more. 

How did you look? Were you smiling too widely? Were you taking too long to answer her?

"Hey, Janine!" You decided to say. You looked at her outfit, one of her warmer dresses, in an orange colour. You couldn't help but love it on her. 

"Wow. You look…" Your eyes scoped her entire body out, all 4 or something feet of it. As you hit just above her head, the dreaded mic and camera appeared just behind her, stopping you from pursuing any further words. 

Appropriate words shuffled through your head, now. You didn't want the camera crew -or whoever watched the footage- to get any ideas. 

Janine frowned slightly "Is the dress really that bad? I really tried hard this time." 

Your heart melted at that, and somehow the cameras weren't so important. 

"No, you look amazing. I mean the dress- The dress looks amazing." 

Your preferred ‘Janine’ expression returned to her face and you avoided any eye contact with the camera. 

Usually you were all for the camera's, having the same excitement for your job experiences as a possibly slightly more chilled version of Jacob. However, Moments like these were the times you couldn't stand them. You couldn't hide your emotions very well to begin with, and they only made it harder. 

Janine must have been in her own world too, because she didn't point out your weird behaviour.

"What do ya need?" You continued, fearing that your gawking was taking up precious minutes of your surprisingly still quiet class. 

"Melissa told me to round up everyone who ordered valentine's decorations from her decorations guy." 

Oh. 

Your head finally found its balance, and you nearly laughed at how disconnected you'd been for the past few days. You almost forgot that Valentine's day was only a month away. 

Embarrassed from the exchange; you nodded, shook the nerves off and continued following Janine to the teachers lounge. 

Janine rambled on your short trip there, something about what her kids were making you presumed. She was in her true element, talking about her kids. 

You, having gotten a lot of the students that she had taught in her and your first year at Abbott this year, could see the impact she had on the kids. It was always good. 

"That's really nice, Janine." You said softly as you arrived at the door.

“Stop encouraging her, Y/n.” you laughed at Ava’s words, looking into the box Janine had somehow gotten while you were in your daze. 

You handed Ava her sugar as you kept looking into Janine’s box. It had basic craft supplies for kids in it, just mostly in red, pink and white. 

Too self conscious to admit your absence of mind, you tried to make out what she’d been talking about. 

“Ava stop. I’m sure the, uh,” your pause and lack of ability to finish the sentence made Ava scoff and leave the room, taking the camera’s with her. 

“Janine, I’m sorry,” you said, ready to admit that you were clueless, “can you tell me everything you just tried to say again. I’ll pay attention this time, I swear.” 

She gave you a concerned but sympathetic smile and continued to tell you about the Valentines that she was going to help her kids make, while you waited for most of the teachers to fade out of the room so you could retrieve your box of things. 

You listened as she somehow changed the conversation to her valentines plans. 

“Do you have any plans?” she asked. 

“Actually I-” 

“-Y/n. Jacob and I have been debating on what you and your class are making.” came Melissa’s voice, prompting you to look up at her and consequently at Jacob who was holding a very large box and inspecting it. 

As if on cue, Ava and her camera crew came back in. You looked at Jacob who looked mortified, and then at the camera that stood in the opposite direction. 

“Look guys, whatever’s in there was the kids' idea. I had no control over it. I let them write the supplies list. Is that not what they wrote down?”

“Oh, they wrote down supplies alright,” Jacob stared blankly into the box.

“Supplies for a homicide,” Melissa added. You looked at her, concerned at how she knew that. 

“How do you-” you started.

“-Don’t ask.” 

Taking the box from Jacob, you looked inside it once, then shut it out of fear that the camera’s would catch what was inside. 

“I’ll throw this out and go shopping tonight.” you decided. 

Spending your own money on supplies was well worth avoiding getting fired for child endangerment. 

You put the box to the side, while Jacob continued to talk about how scary your 4th graders were. 

He was still getting used to the 6th graders that had come in this year, previously your first group of 4th graders at Abbott. For months he had been insistent that your class was cursed somehow. 

You didn’t actually entertain the idea, really. But you enjoyed teaming up with the 6th graders to make his conspiracy more believable. 

As he went on his rant, Janine sat next to you. 

“Huge bummer that you have to go shopping tonight.” 

“Oh it's fine. I was going to go anyway. I had some things to collect for something special.” 

“Ooh,” she nudged you, “Something special. Does that include someone special?” She pried more and you couldn't help but smile at her oblivious statement. 

You were planning something big alright. Something big for her Valentine’s day. After 3 years of pining, you finally felt prepared enough to admit your feelings to Janine soon. Although, technically you weren't very subtle. 

You’d been planning since new years day, 

“It might.” As soon as you said this, you covered Janine's mouth with your hand, preventing a squeal from leaving her lips. 

“Shhh, okay. I don’t want everyone to know.” 

You could barely keep yourself together as she tried to calm herself down. Watching her in her excitable moments was like watching a child. It was fun.

Once you were sure that she was calm, you removed your hand. 

“Who is it, then?” 

“I can't tell you, “ 

"Do I know them?" 

You smiled, "Yeah, you know her." 

She gasped, racking her brain for all the women you both mutually knew.

"Aw, okay. Gave me a clue!" 

"Okay," you said. You decided to just let her figure it out, even if it ruined your surprise. You looked around the room to see who was still around. Surprisingly, you were the last two in there.(besides the filming crew.)

“She’s sweet. And she’s short.” 

“Oh, like me.” she breathed out, not in a knowing way, just acknowledging the similarities. 

“Yeah,” you looked at her, and realised how close you were to each other, “Like you.” 

“She’s the most exciting person to be around. I see her all the time. She makes me laugh, and sometimes when I’m alone, the thought of her makes me cry.” 

“Why?” she gasped. 

“She’s always with someone else. Like, always. She’s only been single for a few months now.”

Janine fell silent, and you were almost certain she’d figured you out. You stared into her eyes and waited. Waited for something to happen. 

“What does she do?” 

Leaning into her direction you whispered, “She’s a teacher.” 

Right before your bodies could make contact with each other, you stood from your chair to reach for something on the table behind her. Your bodies grazed against one another. The skin that touched hers tingling. 

Returning back to your seat, she stood. Giving you a sheepish smile, she walked out of the room slowly. Not saying a word. 

Doing the same, you smiled, happy that you’d just told her how you felt. 

When one of the producers asked you to answer a few questions outside, you weren’t even annoyed. 

“What just happened?” they asked. 

Looking straight at the camera for the first intentional time that day, you smiled. You were still stunned. 

“I think I just told Janine I like her.” you answered confidently. 

Five minutes later, across the building by the second grade classroom, Janine stood. 

Tears threatened to fall at the news you’d just given her. 

“What just happened?” someone behind a camera asked.

Janine looked down, embarrassed at her behaviour. 

“I think Y/n is in love with another woman.” she barely got the words out. A punch to the gut is what that sentence felt like. 

She tried to smile, the tears still freefalling even though she violently wiped them away promptly. 

“It's okay. I’m okay,” she lied, “I’m happy for them. I really am.” 

The surrounding people didn’t  believe her for even a second. They all just felt quite sorry for the woman. 

She cleared her throat, straightening up a bit at the pitied looks. 

“They deserve to be happy.” 

They all stood there not moving as even the cameraman decided to stop recording. Janine was the one person who was always open to talk to them. It made their jobs really easy. He didn’t want her saddest moment completely on tape. He’d probably cut and delete the whole ordeal later on in the day. 

Instead of continuing, he let her get back to class.

ONE MONTH LATER

Valentine’s day at Abbott started out slow. Most of the kids still at home or on their way to school. It was an hour or 2 before the school day started, and you’d been working tirelessly for days, trying to make your big day perfect. 

After your conversation with Janine on that January morning, things had been awkward between the two of you. You were still close and all, but there was some distance that never previously exhibited lingering around the two of you. 

You chopped it up to not knowing where your friendship stood now that you’d basically confessed your love for her on that day. 

Of course, confronting this issue was harder than it looked. The two of you skirted around the matter easily. 

But, after weeks of avoiding it, your day was finally here. You’d successfully planned everything out as much as you could and you were determined to make sure that Janine and yourself could be closer after it was all well and done.

Nonetheless, that hadn’t happened just yet.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Janine.” you said it to her as you passed her classroom. Seeing Jacob behind her you corrected yourself, “Oh and you too Jacob.” 

They politely responded, wishing you the same before you left to tend to your plans. 

“I know that Janine and I have been a bit distant lately,” you said to the camera that followed you, “but I think today might change things.” 

In a silly way, you said it out loud so that the crew could assure you that you were right. They didn’t, obviously. But they did go in a separate direction soon after so you took it as a win. 

Clearly they were just leaving you to get ready. Everything was going to be perfectly fine.

Janine walked into the teacher’s lounge in her usually happy mood, holding the random valentine that she found in her mailbox only minutes after Jacob left her classroom. She was excited for the day, although it hadn’t been the most romantic month since your silent rejection only weeks prior. 

“Hello everyone!” She said cheerfully as she told her faculty of teachers about the valentine, hoping that somebody would confess to having been the alleged ‘secret admirer’.

Even with her heart still recovering from getting her hopes up about you having a crush on her, she still looked around hoping to see your face light up and silently expose yourself as the above mentioned. Her head and heart rarely ever had the same idea, so no matter how she tried to ration with her valid feelings of rejection. Her heart still refused to accept the facts. 

She deflated only momentarily after seeing that you weren’t in the room like usual. 

“Where’s Y/n?” she asked anybody who was possibly still listening. 

“Somewhere preparing a date, I believe.” Gregory said out into the open. He wasn’t aware of your plan in any way, but being that the two of you (Plus Mr. Johnson) were the more punctual staff members, word travelled around over the past week. 

He was merely stating a fact that he knew. 

Janine on the other hand took this as a taunting act of further humiliation in general.(Not because it was Gregory.)

She was still holding out hope for you even after you’d clearly shown that you weren’t interested. 

She let the conversation go on in its natural state. Swiftly moving out of the room, where immediately she had a camera in her face. 

Janine, being someone who enjoyed being around the camera and finding talking to the crew to be quite therapeutic, stood in her usual spot and looked into the main lens. 

“What are your plans for Valentine’s day?” Rob, the man behind the camera, asked her. She’d found out his name in the first few weeks of filming.

“My Valentine's day plans? Well, Mo,” she paused to emphasise Maurice’s name, “is coming by after school with a surprise gift.” She continued. 

She tried her best to put on her regular smile as she talked about him but truly she was a bit uninterested. 

You’d been her first and only really intense crush for years now, and those facts still stood. Although she liked Mo, she felt bad that he wasn’t even a second option. 

There was no denying the chemistry that her and Gregory possessed. It was nothing compared to yours, but it was still better than Mo. 

Unfortunately, the stars didn’t seem to want to align with any of Janine’s love interests. Gregory was with Amber and judging from the lego bouquet, he was really in love with her too. She couldn’t interject with that. 

Besides, Mo seemed like a nice guy, with good intentions. Janine couldn’t not give him a chance. No matter how seemingly incompatible they were. No matter how little Mo knew about her, or what she liked. 

So she went the rest of the day not seeing you, wishing that she’d responded with more in the morning when you passed by her door. Wishing that she’d at least gotten you something, even if you wouldn’t take it as a romantic gesture. 

She smiled as widely as she realistically could when Mo gave her the Telfar bag, wishing that she could at least trade it in for Amber’s lego set. 

As the day concluded, and Janine greeted Gregory and Amber goodbye, she couldn’t help but be disappointed at the way that the day had gone.

“Janine, wait!” you yelled as you turned the corner after seeing her leaving with someone. 

She paused, hearing you so determined to stop her, and for a moment it felt like the day's events were going to change. 

“Yes?” she said almost immediately. 

You got to her, breathless from doing all the work for your surprise while teaching your class. 

As you caught your breath, you looked at the situation you’d landed yourself in. Janine was with Mo, Gregory’s friend. She was holding the most Un-Janine-like bag that must have been a recent gift because you hadn’t seen it before. 

“I-uh,” you started. 

“I was just going to say, happy Valentine’s Day.” you refrained from handing her your gift. 

“Um, okay,” Janine said disappointed once again, “Happy Valentine’s day, Y/n.” 

You hummed some type of response, letting her go and enjoy her night.

Avoiding anyone left in the building, you went to the empty class/storage room that you had spent the whole day setting up in. You took everything down slowly, careful not to be too rough with anything and accidentally break them. 

After packing everything, you walked to your classroom and packed up there, then slowly made your way down the hall of the building. 

When you reached Janine’s classroom, you froze, unwilling to move. 

You took out the box that you’d been too afraid to take out just shy of 2 hours before. 

It held a jewellery set that you thought would finely match her style and her taste. It didn’t come very cheap but you felt like the price didn’t matter if it was for Janine.

Regretting not giving it to her then, you turned and entered her classroom, placing it discreetly on her desk so as not to stir the wandering eyes of the 2nd graders she taught on Monday morning.

After setting it down, you left. Deciding to just call it an early evening and go home.

The halls felt abnormally cold as you left, the warmth that usually encompassed your body no longer existing. It left you frozen both physically and mentally. 

You were frozen on one thought and one thought only; had you made a mistake telling Janine what you told her all those weeks ago? Was she mad at you for liking her? 

Lastly: was your friendship even salvageable?

After Pecsa

“Janine!” you yelled out as you hugged yourself to keep yourself warm as you waited on her doorstep, shivering as you waited for some type of response. 

You’d been struggling to keep warm since days before Valentine’s day, where - although you didn’t know it yet- you had caught some type of flu from one of your kids. 

Besides the occasional visit to pick up some work to do at home, you hadn’t been to Abbott since then. You’d missed Pecsa weekend and you had the most ridiculous doctor's consultation fee to pay in only a few weeks. 

You’d been quite miserable, and all the previous events before you got sick weighed heavy on your mind now that you had barely anything to do but lay in bed. 

You spent hours deconstructing what happened between you and Janine. Looking at every possible angle of how everything went so wrong so quickly. 

The two of you barely spoke about anything besides Janine checking up on you every few hours to make sure you were okay at home. 

Luckily for you, even when she was upset Janine was still your best friend and she cared dearly for you. 

You hoped she felt the same about you. That she thought you still cared. You hoped that she saw your gift on her table on the day after Valentine’s day and realised that it was you, and that you loved her. 

You spent even more time contemplating texting Janine back and telling her that you were the secret gift giver. Just to reassure her of whatever it was that the two of you were was still actively being pursued. You settled on not doing so. It would look too desperate. You thought better than to look desperate. 

However, it was wishful thinking to assume that Janine didn’t see you as desperate now. You were in your very much “home clothes”, having spent the day resting once again. You looked rather unwell for someone who’d been on meds for so long, and you stood at her house, banging on the door for her to open it on a Friday night out of nowhere. 

“Janine!” you said again, making a less noisy attempt at knocking on the door. By the third round of knocking, the door opened, and she stood in complete shock at the figure that you knew looked a complete mess. 

“Y/n I-I,” she stumbled through her words, stopping herself mid-sentence to wave you inside her home. 

You graciously accepted the invitation, walking in before she closed the door. Her house was warm and welcoming, the smell of autumn spices filling your nose and soothing your churning stomach almost instantly. 

It felt good to smell her house again after so long. It had been nearly a month since you were there for your weekly Friday-Sleepover, where you’d stay for the night and help each other set up for the following week of school, while having much needed fun together. 

Though you could blame your illness for the abrupt stop in this almost instinctive routine, there was no denying that it had already become inconsistent weeks before you got sick. 

You’d had a few sleepovers after your ‘confession’ but they were always so much more awkward than the two of you had ever been around each other. 

Standing in this house again- it felt like months since you’d comfortably been there. 

“You’re shivering. Here, wear this.” Janine handed you a blanket to wrap around yourself as she inspected you. She led you to her couch, where you remember nursing her back to health when she got food poisoning.

“Hi,” you said, and chuckled as casually as possible, looking straight ahead while you saw her in your peripheral view, trying to get comfortable. 

You could feel her looking at you directly, her expression of concern not being something you could ignore. 

“Hey.” 

Silence surrounded the little space between the two of you. You- trying to get warmer- and Janine- trying to think of what she could give you to make you feel somewhat better. 

She figured tea was the best she could do, so she got up and went to her kitchen, cutting her usually distracted way of making tea short to get it to you as quickly as possible. 

By the time she’d gotten back, you were already starting to drift off to sleep on her couch, clearly feeling warmer from the blanket. 

Opting to let you rest, she put the tea next to you in case you woke up, and got you another blanket to cover you again. Your straight sitting position looked strange, but not wanting to ruin the moment of peace, she left you that way. 

The week had been all but calm for her, and her mind had been all over the place,from having to check up on you constantly to make sure you were resting and not taking cold and risky trips, much like now. 

Simultaneously, her kiss with Gregory at Pecsa had been all but what she expected. 

Feelings that she was so sure of only days before got completely jumbled up once again and her emotions couldn’t keep up. Her life was feeling a lot more like an all white 1000 piece puzzle, where trying to put any two pieces together and not matching them up perfectly was becoming more and more frustrating. 

Her and Gregory agreed that what happened wasn’t a big deal, and they unspokenly agreed to not speak about it. Regret laced most of her decision to do this as she thought of her love for you, the love that only grew after so long apart. 

She called Mo that same weekend and broke it off with him, mostly because she couldn’t continue to lead him on like she had been. That was probably the least complicated thing she realised about her love life over the week. 

Everything else wasn’t so easy. 

She left you on her couch to get some rest, slightly relieved to know that she didn’t have to worry about you without taking a few steps and peaking to see if you were okay, now. 

She’d previously been watching a show, so she decided to just go into her bedroom and find something to occupy herself instead. 

As quickly as she entered her room, her eyes landed on the gift that she’d avoided since the day after Valentine’s. She found it safely but secretly hidden on her desk and had assumed that one of her students accidentally left it on their desks and Mr Johnson had put it on her desk for safe-keeping. 

She had brought it into the teachers lounge the next day when none of her students claimed it, and asked the man directly. 

“I for one have never seen that before, but it's definitely for you.” he smiled not so convincingly and Janine questioned his words, only to turn the gift bag around to see her name plastered on the other side, not easy to miss. 

She took it home that day, but had refused to open it until the week before Pecsa. 

There, she found a set that consisted of a beautiful set of gold jewellery; a bracelet that fit perfectly into her growing set of bracelets, some earrings, and most importantly- a necklace with her name carefully engraved in it. The font was of a familiar handwriting, one that Janine was sure was yours, but considering how things were, she immediately put it all back and pretended she didn’t get anything. She didn’t want to be wrong about the identity of the gift giver and felt like she was becoming too attached to her broken heart, masking her hurt by associating everything around her with you. 

When Jacob asked her what she got the next day, she made up some lie about some really nice chocolates that she had as a treat the night before. When he didn’t ask any further questions, she went on, and tried to erase every other memory of Valentine's Day. 

Her date with Maurice went quite terribly after the Telfar bag incident, and Janine could already feel herself getting over the ingenuine talking stage with him. She kept nothing but what she thought was your gift, even giving away the Telfar bag. 

Now ,she went and opened the gift again, looking more deeply into the jewellery. After inspecting every piece, she would put it on, happy to accessorise even in the late evening.  

When it came to analysing the bracelet, she took a really long run through of it. As much as the doubt crept in, she couldn’t deny that she couldn’t convince herself that anyone but you could have thought of it. 

She slowly moved her hair away and put it on, going to her mirror to see her reflection. She was in awe at how good it felt to wear the gift. She couldn’t help but smile, not sure if it was even because of the necklace- or if it was the idea of you giving it to her. 

As she sat on that thought, there was no denying it, she was in love. 

Additionally, something about being in love with a good person made it all so surreal. 

“Janine.” you whispered when you woke up from the unintentional slumber. 

“Hey, sleepyhead.” her voice came from behind you. 

You smiled, feeling a lot less tense than when you had arrived. You weren’t as cold either. You looked at her as she came to the couch, with a cup in her hand. 

“I made you some tea when you got here but it got cold when you fell asleep, so I- I made you another one.” 

You graciously took it, and scooted to the left to give her space to sit next to you. She did just that, sitting in a position that faced you, before placing her hand on your head. Satisfied at the temperature she must have felt, she placed her hand down, and let it fall to sit behind you. 

You turned to face her; the steam from the mug coming up to your face, making it more moist than it was. 

You took her presence in more intentionally now, taking note of the dress she chose to wear, and which side she chose to part her hair today. 

As you let your eyes roam, they landed on her neck; more specifically the accessory she wore. 

Your lips parted in a surprised question that never came to be verbalised. 

Janine watched you make this discovery, and she too searched for words to answer the many questions that roamed in her mind all day. 

“I’m glad you finally got my gift.” you decided to say, and the sigh that left Janine brought an even wider smile to your face. 

“I thought it was you,” she started, fiddling with what you now saw was the bracelet you bought her. Looking closely now, you realised that she was wearing the entire set. 

“You don’t have to wear them all at once, you know.” you kind of laughed, finding yourself quite amusing in your still drowsy state. 

“I know. I was just testing them all out for the first time. I’ve been avoiding them since I found them after…” 

“After Valentine’s Day.” you pushed. You were a lot more casual about it, only slightly starting to feel comfortable talking to Janine about the entire beginning of the year’s events. She seemed to confirm your words, avoiding your gaze for a while. 

“Y/n, I need to tell you something,” She said, waiting for your go-ahead. You nodded, prompting her to continue. 

“Gregory and I kissed at Pecsa Weekend.” 

Your heart shattered at the words. Were you shocked? No. You saw the chemistry between the two just as much as the next person, but you’d hoped that you still had a chance. You were certain that what you had with her was so much more special. 

“Oh,” you let out a breath. 

“I’m happy for you?” you begged the question to yourself though you said it out loud. Were you really happy for her? Who knew.

You took the last sip of your tea, having been sipping it slowly for the past 10 minutes that you’d been sitting there with Janine. 

You attempted to get up, wanting desperately to remove yourself from her line of vision, so you could kick yourself in the back and scream. You’d waited too long now. 

She stopped you, “ Y/n. It was a mistake. I was so confused.” 

You sat back down, although nothing indicated that this was going to be a conversation that turned out to be in your favour. 

“After Valentine’s, I was sure you’d probably had a great day with your crush after hearing everyone talk about what you had planned for her.

I was in such denial of my true feelings about it all. Gregory seemed like the least heartbreaking potential and after the weekend we’d both had, it kind of just happened.It didn’t mean anything” 

She took the mug from you, putting it on her table and taking your hands. You let her- not sure what to do at that point. 

Only after about a minute did her words set in. 

“Janine, I set up a valentine’s surprise for you.” 

“What?” 

“It was for you, Janine. You’ve been the one I’ve had a crush on this whole time. There was never anyone else.” 

She let go of your hands slowly, clasping hers together to let herself think. Time passed and not a word came out of the both of you. 

“Huh,” she let out, “ well, now I feel really dumb.” 

“You’re not dumb.” you took her hands back in your, looking into the brown eyes that entranced you for 3 cycles around the sun. 

“Gosh, I’m so sorry Y/n. I got so caught up trying to avoid your rejection, I didn't stop to think about you. You must have felt awful that day.” 

“Kinda,” you said, trying to protect her from feeling too bad.

“I’m sorry.” she repeated. 

“Don’t apologise,” you started, “I don’t know what's going to happen but don’t apologise.

I get it, complicated feelings were on the rise.” 

All she did was nod at that, looking at you with such an intense feeling of guilt, it scared you. 

“Come here.” you said to her, taking her into your embrace.

The two of you melted into each other and Janine let out a few tears as you weren’t turned to see her. She laid her head on your shoulder- wanting not to put too much weight on your still weak body but also not being able to help herself. 

You didn’t notice the extra weight of her head weighing on you, your only concern being that she stopped feeling guilty. 

“I love you, Janine.” you whispered, tracing circles on her back to soothe her sorrow away. 

“You’re the only one I want and need in this world, and I love you.” 

Waiting for a response was excruciating. Regrets poked through as you anticipated the inevitable. That the kiss between her and Gregory did mean something after all. 

Your long days of longing would be over if she didn’t mean what you thought she did, and she really didn;t feel the same way. 

“I-” you waited for the punch to hit, your eyes shut in anticipation. 

“I love you too. More than you could imagine.” 

And with those closing words, Janine lifted her head, wiped her tears away, and led you into the most worth-the-wait kiss you’d ever experienced. 

Authors Note: My first Abbott Elementary Fic! I must say I'm fairly proud of what I ended up with considering the hectic writer's block I've been experiencing this month. Also my first Gender Neutral reader so if there are any mistakes in that regard, please bare with me. Still getting used to that. I really hope you enjoyed!

[lambcow]

My Plan for the Upcoming Twilight TV Show so that it's actually Good

I heard recently that they're doing a Twilight TV show. The rights are out there at the very least. Who knows when it will happen and what network will produce it where, but it's going to happen.

But here's my thing - they're going to do it wrong if they do it the way I think they will, which is anything like the timeline of the Books/Movies. As a hardcore Twilight fan (yes I'll admit it, I spent a long time in fandom as a preteen, okay? It was my first online fandom and the first fanfiction that I wrote) I have Opinions(TM) about how to make the show in a way that would make it interesting. Stephanie Meyer had interesting ideas and I stand by this! There's a lot of untapped potential in the series and I think if they did it right it could be a really, really cool show! But there's not much going on if we just rehash the same events of the books over again at an episodic level.

No.

I present to you, not the TV show "Twilight", but the TV show "Cullens", which starts off with Carlisle Cullen as he has come to America when he finally starts to build his Coven.

This is NOT the story of whiny Bella Swan and her falling in love with Edward and becoming a vampire over 4 books or 5 movies, but rather the story of a man who has already spent over two centuries as a vampire, struggling because of his love for humanity as he finds purpose and meaning as he builds his family. We follow his story as he collects his coven.

We truly open on the show when Carlisle finds Edward dying of Spanish Influenza and decides to turn him for humanity's sake because he would die and because he as a man is lonely and this boy is so young, only 17, and Edward's mother begs him to do whatever he can to save her son and who knows, maybe Carlisle's been watching him and he sees him like a son already too. Maybe we get flashbacks to Carlisle with the Volturi for those 20 years he stayed with them in Italy back in the early 1700s, who knows. The fact of the matter is, that Carlisle is a doctor at the hospital where Edward is, and for whatever reason that we as an audience are compelled to understand in this first and important episode is Carlisle is finally done being alone and craves family and Edward resembles that for whatever reason, so Carlisle gives in and turns him. The next several episodes are an arc about their relationship as we deal with newborn Edward. We know how hard it is to adjust to being newly turned. After he calms down, Edward then has to confront his mortality and that of his family, we see him start to remember his family and confront those memories. More flashbacks to the Volturi as Carlisle explains what being a vampire is to Edward etc.

We follow the pair then as they travel around with the cover story that Edward is Carlisle's nephew. It's three years later when Esme enters the picture. What we know already is she attempted suicide and Carlisle turned her to save her - and that they have history since Carlisle treated her for a broken leg some ten years prior when she was 16 years old. Fast forward to now and she's gone through an abusive marriage where she ran away from her husband several times, most recently after getting pregnant, and has just lost her baby due to a lung fever. At her wit's end with all of it, Carlisle finds her after she jumps off a cliff attempting to end her life. They end up falling in love and getting married after she is turned. That's several episodes I'm sure. GREAT ARC. But Esme struggles with blood lust, which is a great transition into the conversation for what happens just a few years later with Edward...

We can tie more vampire politics into the show (especially the Volturi into it) when Edward goes through his Ripper phase when he decides he doesn't want to drink animal blood like Carlisle teaches him. The two fight but what can Carlisle do? Maybe there are other vamps around as well to cause extra drama. Who knows? It is a TV show, after all. He goes off on his own and that's a whole plot. I'm sure the network could find some interesting ways to make this dramatic for a few episodes and keep enough plot points alive. Add in some new OC's and side characters. Remember the Denali clan? When do they start being formed? There's not a lot of context on them, just that they're close with The Cullen's. Maybe we get some of their story and interaction here. Maybe Sasha (the original leader who was killed by the Volturi for creating an immortal child) reaches out to Carlisle at some point near the beginning and this is when they all become vegetarian vampires together before the whole Denali clan is formed too.

Fast forward to when that arc is resolved. Edward is back with Carlisle and Esme and the peace is back. Now, we get Rosalie... Now, the thing with Carlisle, is he doesn't turn people just to turn people. He's very moralistic. We learn that all the time about his character. I'm sure our little trio has traveled on from Chicago and is in New York where they encounter Rosalie Hale who was assaulted nearly to death by her husband and all his buddies. Carlisle is somewhat of a matchmaker here and hopes Rosalie and Edward can keep each other company for their immortal lives... it makes me wonder what episode and background we can throw into the show here. Did Carlisle know this girl in any other capacity? Why are his dad senses tingling about Rosalie anyway? That's gotta be an arc.

Anyway, turns out Rosalie is not only not interested in Edward, but she's only really interested in staying with the Cullens because being alone forever would get lonely, so she stays with them... but that's after her revenge arc because Rosalie Hale is a certified Bad Ass. She goes after her Fiance and all his Dude Bros and takes them all out, and I can just imagine her executing this flawlessly as a vamp. I do wonder if Edward reads her mind about her plans and asks if he can help her, though. Eventually, she gives in and it's Sibling Bonding(TM) at its finest. It's this bonding that convinces Rosalie to stay with the Cullens after all, and that's that.

Next, we get Emmett. Now, this is a fun one! Because we get Emmett who starts pining over the gorgeous Rosalie Hale when they move to this new place. I'm not sure it says where they are, but I digress. Do we have a bit of the Bella/Edward vibes here? Are there warnings of "don't let the human close"? Is this around the time when we've just had the Denali arc and are reminded of the human child being killed? Is Carlisle having flashbacks? What is the drama? Make it interesting, TV people! Is Edward mad that Rosalie is flirting back? Is it harmless? Who. Knows. -- But then, it doesn't matter because Emmett is getting mauled by a bear in the woods and... wait, why is Rosalie even there? Why does she even find him? Hmmm, seems like she's following him around protectively ;) well- whatever the reason and drama, Emmett is near dead and she saves him and brings him to Carlisle to be turned. The reactions of the coven... the reactions of the town, of his family, of his friends, the drama. Make it interesting, once again, people! This is TV gold! It's cliches and everything you want for TV, c'mon! And then, of course, since they were already practically in love already, they really can be together, but now they have to leave because Emmett is supposedly dead and the Cullens are complicit in that for some reason too perhaps. So they get out of dodge and where do they go now?

If you guessed Forks, Washington, you're right. It's the first time and it's time to get into the legends and deal with The Wolves(TM). It's all about the Quiluetes and it's time to make a treaty with The Pack(TM). Ephraim Black is Jacob's great-grandfather and the leader of the tribe. Whoooa boy. I can think of sooooo much they can do with this,. And just how long do the Cullens stay in Forks the first time around? It's a whole arc. Maybe it's a season. We get some good wolf content. We get some pack dynamics. It's great. We get some beef between Rosalie and the wolves maybe, because there's obvious dislike between her and the wolves later and it's gotta be for a reason more than just their smell, I know it. So, several episodes there. Maybe even some fighting. I know it ends with a treaty, but that's not easily won. Maybe it's Rosalie they found first and one of the wolves attacked her before they were able to make talks for peace. Yeah. I can see this season being really fun.

So, after all that goes down, maybe there's something with the Volturi? Something with the Denali? They do end up staying with the Denali Coven for a time. Maybe they go somewhere else for a little while after they've overstayed their welcome in Forks. Sometime around the 1940s they leave. During the 1950s Jasper and Alice wander upon them and at this point, I fully believe we would get a several-episode arc of Jasper's origin story with the Civil War and the Newborn Army - but they've gotta make it interesting somehow, so there's gotta be a parallel conflict in the timeline that makes it relevant, like I keep saying, make it interesting. Who knows where the Cullens are living right now at this point, but there's crazy everywhere and they're vampires they're practically magnates for danger and chaos. Make something up. Family drama, vampire drama, whatever you need. Where are more of those OCs. And don't forget! We have all the covens and vampires from the battle in Breaking Dawn that we can draw on at ANY point in the show for extra vampires to make any of this interesting as well! Make. It. Make. Sense. How does Carlisle know everyone all the time??? Add spice, add interest, and make the Cullens well-connected in a way that makes sense!

Once we get through Jasper's origin story, we get how he and Alice met, which of course is that Alice saw him in a vision. Alice is such a fun character.

And what do they do in the interim 60 years until Bella? Um, not really sure, but we can find some filler or we can time skip. Not like we haven't been doing that anyway. I also have this vague idea that the whole first few seasons are vaguely a la How I Met Your Mother where they're always telling the story to Bella or Renesmee or someone anyway -- oooh telling the story to Ren would be cute actually... that has potential. Grandpa Cullen telling his granddaughter about how all the family got together. That's adorable, whether you like Renesmee as a character or not. Tell me I'm wrong... Anyway, so then maybe it's like, "So what about mom?" or something and we jump to the actual plot of the Twilight books.

But we don't just get the Twilight books, we get the full in-depth. We get the shifters in La Push full with Emily and Sam and Quil, Embry and Jake, and Paul and all the bois, we get the whole story from Bree Tanner on the side as that develops. We get random check-ins with the Denali clan, because that's relevant! We get Edward's perspective on things as well when he meets Bella and how he runs away to the Denali clan because he's dead lusting for her blood! We get complex feelings and all the arguments about it! We get Rosalie and Edward fighting because isn't she being hypocritical about Bella?

We get the Volturi and more drama from the throne room as they learn about the Cullens and their drama just like we have been following Volturi drama on and off all series long. We know the personalities of Caius and Marcus and their dynamic with Aro. We've already heard the origin story of Jane and Alec and we know how brutal the terror twins are. We get the Volturi women Sulpicia, Athenedora, Chelsea, Heidi, and Renata. Don't even get me started on Demitri and Felix and my headcanon of their epic friendship. So, yeah, Volturi stuff.

All of it comes to a head at the final battle in Breaking Dawn just like we know but with so much more meaning than ever before because of the rich history we have from seasons upon seasons of "The Cullens" or "Cullen" or whatever you end up calling this show. It's amazing, it's beautiful, we've laughed, we've cried, we've become a family over and over again and Carlisle has a family and this is his family and he is happy.

Will they make it like this? Probably freaking not, but this is my one request to the universe. Don't make a "Twilight" TV show. Make a "Cullen" TV show.

Please.

[nikimisery]

Season 1 Episode 2 - Wendigo

“Well, I'm hot blooded

Check it and see

I got a fever of a hundred and three

Come on baby, do you do more than dance?

I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded”

I found myself humming along to the Foreigner song, while I was reading Twilight. It had come out about a month ago, and I had mentioned to Dean that it sounded like it might be a fun little book to read. Honestly, I’m not fully sure where it came from, but I found it in my bag a few days ago, and it smelled faintly like pine, so there was really only one explanation, but he hadn’t mentioned it, so I wasn’t going to bring it up.

"You know Bella, Jacob?" Lauren asked—in what I imagined was an insolent tone—from across the fire.

"We've sort of known each other since I was born," he laughed, smiling at me again.

"How nice." She didn't sound…”

“Is it everything you hoped it would be?” Dean’s voice sounded out in the silence of the car

“Huh?”

“The book. Is it as good as you thought?”

“Oh, um, its okay. I’m not that far into it. This budding love triangle is going to give me a headache, though.” I responded with a small laugh.

“Love triangle, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re super interested in all of this.”

“Anyone ever tell you, you apologize too much?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at me through the rear view mirror. I didn’t get a chance to respond though, Sam jerked away from another obvious nightmare.

“You okay?” Dean asked, concern lacing his tone.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Another nightmare? Instead of answering him, Sam just clears his throat and turned away, looking out the window. “You wanna drive for a while?”

Laughing, Sam turned back to Dean “Dean, your whole life you never once asked me that.”

“Just thought you might want to. Never mind.”

Sitting up and leaning against the back of the front seat, I stuck my head up between the brothers.

“Ohhhhhhh can I drive?” I asked, trying so hard not to sound too excited about it. Dean just turns his head to stare at me, looking like I just asked him to kill a puppy.

“Not a chance in hell, doll.” Great. A new nickname. Scrunching up my nose to try and cover up the blush rising to my cheeks, I huffed and sat back in the seat again.

“Look, man, you’re worried about me. I get it, and thank you, but I’m perfectly okay.”

“Mm-hm.”

“All right, where are we?” Sam asks as he grabbed the map, unfolding it in his lap.

“We are just outside of Grand Junction.”

 I decided to pick up my book again, tuning them out.

"How nice." She didn't sound like she thought it was nice at all, and her pale, fishy eyes narrowed.

"Bella," she called again, watching my face carefully, "I was just saying to Tyler that it was too bad none of the Cullens could come out today. Didn't anyone think to invite them?" Her expression of concern was unconvincing.

"You mean Dr. Carlisle Cullen's family?" the tall, older boy asked before I could respond, much to Lauren's irritation. He was really closer to a man than a boy, and his voice was very deep.

"Yes, do you know them?" she asked condescendingly, turning halfway toward him.

"The Cullens don't come here," he said in a tone that closed the subject, ignoring her question.”

             “It’s weird, man. These coordinates he left us. This Blackwater Ridge.” Sam says just as I tune back into the conversation.

             “What about it?” Dean asks.

             “There’s nothing there. It’s just woods. Why is he sending us to the middle of nowhere?”

As she contemplated the question, she looked out the window just in time to see a National Forest sign that said “Welcome to LOST CREEK COLORADO National Forest.” She loved the woods, the smell of the trees, all the sounds of nature. It felt like home to her, like it was where she belonged. They pulled up in front of the Ranger Station, deciding to get out and look around, trying to figure out why John had sent them here. As I stepped out of the car, I looked around, taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. I could feel the tension I didn’t even know I carried, leaving my shoulders, being surrounded by so much nature.

             “You coming, doll?” Breaking out of my daze, I opened my eyes and turned to look at Dean.

             “Yeah, right behind you.” I said with a smile. Entering the building, I could hear Sam up in front of me, start speaking.      

             “So Blackwater Ridge is pretty remote.” He said, pointing to a 3D map of the forest. “It’s cut off by these canyons here, rough terrain, dense forest, abandoned silver and gold mines all over the place.”

             “Freya, come here. Dude, check out the size of this freaking bear.”

             “Jesus Christ, that thing is huge!” I said as Sam walked up behind me to look at the picture of a man standing behind a MUCH larger bear.

             “And a dozen or more grizzlies in the area. It’s no nature hike, that’s for sure.”

             “Hey, sweetheart. You said you’re really fast, right?” Dean asked me. Nodding at him, I waited for him to continue. “Think you could outrun a bear like that?” He asked with a grin.

             “I don’t need to outrun the bear, honey, I just need to outrun you.” I replied, patting his cheek as I turned to walk back over to the 3D map, Sam snickering to himself behind me.

             “Dude, yes….” Sam said, still laughing at Dean.

             “You kids aren’t planning on going out near Blackwater Ridge by any chance?” Came a voice from behind us.

             “Oh, no, sir, we’re environmental study majors from UC Boulder, just working on a paper.” Sam replied, looking up at the ranger with a small laugh.

             “Recycle, man.” Dean said, raising a fist in the air with a grin. This dude… One wonders how he’s so good at lying when he pulls stunts like that…

             “Bull. You’re friends with that Haley girl, right?”

             “Yes. Yes, we are, Ranger Wilkinson.” Dean responded after a second, leaning down to read the Ranger’s nametag.

             “Well I will tell you exactly what we told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn't be back from Blackwater until the twenty-fourth, so it's not exactly a missing persons now, is it?” The Ranger asked Dean, who simply shook his head. “You tell that girl to quit worrying, I’m sure her brother’s just fine.”

             “We will. Well that Haley girl’s quite a pistol, huh?”

             “That’s putting it mildly.”

             “Actually you know what would help, is if I could show her a copy of that backcountry permit. You know, so she could see her brother’s return date.” Dean said, raising his eyebrows at the Ranger. Okay, I take back everything I just thought, maybe he is decent at this…

             “Thank you, Ranger Wilkinson.” I said as he handed the permit to Dean, tipped his hat at me and left. Sam was already ahead of us, heading out the door towards the Impala. Just as I went to open the door, Dean’s arm came up in front of me, blocking my exit, as he held the door closed. I could feel the warmth of his body seeping into my back as he leaned down to speak in my ear, his breath tickling my neck, sending shivers down my spine and causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin.

             “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say, now was it, doll? Two can play that game.” He spoke lowly. As quick as he was there, he was gone, holding the door open for me to walk out. I could not be more grateful for November in Colorado, as the temperature helped cool down my heated cheeks. He didn’t say anything else as he followed me out towards the car, looking at the permit as he walked.

             “What, are you cruising for a hookup or something?” Sam asked, stopping at the passenger door.

             “What do you mean?” Dean responded, looking a little confused by Sam’s question. I watched silently, looking between the brothers. The thought of Dean ‘hooking up’ with this Haley chick didn’t settle in my chest right, but I wasn’t going to say anything about it.

             “The coordinates point to Blackwater Ridge, so what are we waiting for? Let’s just go find Dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl?”

             “I don’t know, maybe we should know what we’re walking into before we actually walk into it?” Dean responded, sounding a little irritated with his brother. Pausing, they just stared at each other for a minute.

             “What?”

             “Since when are you all shoot first, ask questions later, anyway?” Dean asked.

             “Since now.” Turning away, Sam got in the car without another word. I looked up at Dean, a worried look in my eye, but he just shook his head and opened my door for me, closing it as soon as I was settled.

             “Really?” He says to Sam, getting in the driver’s seat, starting the car and driving off. 

We had just pulled up to the Collins house when Dean opened the glove box and grabbed out a couple of the fake badges.

             “You’ll have to remind me to make you some of these, doll, but for now, just let us do the talking, yeah?” He said to me, getting out of the car and opening my door for me.

             “Thank you.” I said, smiling shyly at him, head down. I heard him chuckle to himself as he shut the door behind me. Waiting for them to take the lead, I looked down the street. I lived in a place similar to this, a foster house. Memories of cigarettes being put out across my back playing behind my eyes.

             “Freya.” Dean’s voice pulled me out of the memories, his hand on my shoulder blade. “You okay? We’ve been saying your name.” I hated the worry in his eye.

             “Hm? Yeah. Good. I’m sorry.” I said, looking down again. Deciding I was done with this conversation, I started walking up to the house, letting Dean take point and knock on the door. A woman about my height, short brown hair opened the door.

             “You must be Haley Collins. I’m Dean, this is Sam and Freya. We’re, ah, we’re rangers with the Park Service. Ranger Wilkinson sent us over. He wanted us to ask a few questions about your brother Tommy.” Dean says to her. I had to applaud him, he can be quick on his feet when he needs to be, but I could still see her hesitation.

             “Lemme see some ID.” Dean pulls out the same fake I saw him taking out of the glove box in the car. I really hope she doesn’t notice it says Samuel Cole on it, instead of Dean…. Looking back in forth between the ID and Deans smile, she finally opened the door. “Come on in.”

             “Thanks.” He said with another smile.

             “That yours?” Haley asked him, nodding at the impala parked on the street.

             “Yeah.”

             “Nice car.” She said as she turned away and led us further into the house. Dean turned around and looked at Sam, mouthing something I didn’t catch, but I can only imagine. Rolling my eyes, I push past Dean to follow Haley into her kitchen.

             “So, if Tommy’s not due back for a while, how do you know something’s wrong?” Sam asked her, as he stepped into the kitchen behind me. Walking back towards us with a bowl in her hand, she sets it down on the table before turning to face Sam.

             “He checks in every day by cell. He emails, photos, stupid little videos – we haven’t heard anything in over three days now.”

             “Well, maybe he can’t get cell reception? “ I suggested to her. Out in a forest like this, it would make sense.

             “He’s got a satellite phone, too.” Well there goes that theory.

             “Could it be he’s just having fun and forgot to check in?” Comes Dean.

             “He wouldn’t do that.” Haley’s little brother snaps at him. They just stared at each other for a second, before the younger boy looks away. Haley breaking the tension, leaned over him, adding more food to the table.

             “Our parents are gone. It’s just my two brothers and me. We all keep pretty close tabs on each other.” She said.

             “Can I see the pictures he sent you?” Sam asked her.

             “Yeah.” Opening up her laptop, she pulled up the pictures for us to see. Sam sat down and started going through them, checking for anything that might help us. “That’s Tommy.” She points to a picture, double clicking on one of the files, pulling up a video for us to watch.

             “Hey Haley, day six, we’re still out near Blackwater Ridge. We’re fine, keeping safe, so don’t worry, okay? Talk to you tomorrow.” As the video ends, something caught my eye in the top corner, but instead of saying something out loud, I tapped Sam’s arm twice. My only indication that he understood was the small nod he sent me.

             “Well, we’ll find your brother. We’re heading out to Blackwater Ridge first thing.” Dean said to Haley.

             “Then maybe I’ll see you there. Look, I can’t sit around here anymore. So I hired a guy. I’m heading out in the morning, and I’m gonna find Tommy myself.”

             “I think I know how you feel.” Dean spoke to her, but his eyes were on Sam and I.

             “Hey, do you mind forwarding these to me?” Sam asked.

             “Sure.”

             “Thank you for your time.” I told her as we made our way back outside. As soon as the front door closed, Dean turned to Sam and I.

             “You two want to clue me into that secret little conversation back there?”

             “Let’s go find something to eat, and we will show you.” Sam replied. 

The boys found a table in a quiet corner of the bar we had just entered, sitting down so we could discuss what we were walking into tomorrow morning. There was a game of pool going over by the windows that looked like it had just gotten started.

             “So, Blackwater Ridge doesn’t get a lot of traffic. Local campers, mostly. But still, this past April, two hikers went missing out there. They were never found.” Sam started, opening Johns journal on the table in front of us.

             “Any before that?” Dean asked as I pulled a couple of news articles out of my jacket pocket that I had found earlier.

             “Yeah, in 1982, eight different people all vanished in the same year. Authorities said it was a grizzly attack.” I told him, turning the articles to face him, Sam pulling out his laptop.

             “And again in 1959, and again before that in 1936. Every 23 years, just like clockwork.” Sam states as he loads up Tommy’s video. “Okay. Watch this. Here’s the clincher. I downloaded that guy Tommy’s video to the laptop. Check this out.” He said as he clicked the mouse, playing the video.

             “This is what we noticed back at the Collins house.” I state to Dean.

             “Play it again.” He requests. Sam pulled the video clip back, repeating the shadow.

             “That’s three frames. That’s a fraction of a second. Whatever that thing is, it can move.”

             “Okay, I might not be able to out run that one…” I joke to the boys, Sam smiled at me and Dean just shook his head at me before hitting Sam on the shoulder.

             “Told you something weird was going on.”

             “Yeah. I got one more thing.” Sam said as he handed over another newspaper article. I hadn’t seen that one, so I leaned closer to see it. “In 59, one camper survived this supposed grizzly attack. Just a kid. Barely crawled out of the woods alive.”

             “Is there a name?”

Smiling at him, Sam just stood up and packed up his laptop and the newspaper articles before walking out the door.

             “Seems so?” I said to Dean before grabbing my jacket and following after his brother. I didn’t get very far though, before I was stopped by a hand on my elbow.

             “Where you going, sugar? It’s still early!” Said the mouth attached to the hand on me.

             “Umm, my friends and I are just leaving for the night.” I said. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. People didn’t normally seek out my company.

             “Aww come on. Stay a while, play some pool with us.” He said. His breath hitting my face, it smelled like stale beer and cigarettes.

             “I think I’m good.” I responded, leaning away from him. I tried to take my elbow back, but he was determined he wanted to hold on to me and I didn’t want to hurt him. “Please let me go.”

             “No, I don’t think I will.” I was starting to panic a little bit when the smell of pine trees settled over me. Dean was here.

             “I think the lady asked you to let her go.” He said. His voice was low, threatening even, but it didn’t seem to phase the biker who had a hold of me.

             “And just who do you think you are, pretty boy?” Well, I couldn’t argue with that. He was a pretty boy.

             “A friend.” Was his only response, his hand coming to settle on my lower back. I was feeling a little more brave, now that Dean was there.

             “Do you like your hand?” I asked the guy.

             “Huh?”

             “Do you like your hand?” I asked again, motioning to the offending object.

             “What kind of question is that?” He was looking at me like I was stupid, but before I could respond to him, Dean stepped in again.

             "If you want to keep it, I suggest getting it off my girl.” His girl? Fuck me…. Dean had moved around in front of me now, his other hand coming up to grip the guys wrist. With his jaw clenched and his dark emerald eyes focused on this guy, he almost looked like an avenging angel. I should not be feeling this type of way, but damn it if it wasn’t the hottest thing I had ever seen.

             “Jesus, man.” The guy said as he finally let go of me. “She ain’t worth it.” He threw out as he turned his back and went back to his buddies. Dean stood still, watching him go for a few seconds before finally turning to me, his gaze softening, but the tension not leaving his body.

             “You good?”

             “Yeah. I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m sorry…” I trailed off. His hand came up to my chin, lifting my head to look at him.

             “Stop apologizing so much.” He said as gripped my shoulders and turned me around, steering me out of the bar and towards the car.

             “What took you guys so long, It’s cold out here?” Sam asked as soon as we were in eye sight.

             “She had to go to the bathroom. Didn’t want to leave her in there by herself.” Dean said to Sam as he, once again, opened my door for me. Stepping up to get into the car, I set my hand on his forearm.

             “Thank you.” 

Mr. Shaw was lighting a cigarette when he let the three of us into his house. I hated the smell, but I wasn’t about to tell this guy he couldn’t smoke in his own home.

             “Look, ranger, I don’t know why you’re asking me about this. It’s public record. I was a kid. My parents got mauled by a –“

             “Grizzly? That’s what attacked them?” Sam interrupted him. Puffing on his cigarette, Mr. Shaw just nods.

             “The other people that went missing that year, those bear attacks too?” Dean asked, but Mr. Shaw didn’t answer. “We knew what we were dealing with, we might be able to stop it.”

             “I seriously doubt that. Anyways, I don’t see what difference it would make.” Mr. Shaw paused in his words to sit down. “You wouldn’t believe me. Nobody ever did.” The way he said that, the utter defeat in his voice, pulled at my chest, so sitting down across from him, I reached out to him, grabbed his hand and spoke.

             “Mr. Shaw. Can you look at me?” I asked him. The boys were behind me, so I knew they wouldn’t see what I was going to do. Mr. Shaw finally looked up at me, meeting my eyes. I decided to show a little bit of myself to him, maybe he would see that he wasn’t alone, so I let my eyes glow. I saw the way his eyes widened, heard the way his breath caught in his throat, but instead of pulling away, he tightened his grip on my hands, tears in his eyes. “What did you see?” I asked softly.

             “Nothing… it moved too fast to see. It hid too well. I heard it, though. A roar. Like… no man or animal I ever heard.” He was looking directly into my eyes as he spoke.

             “It came at night?” Sam asked. Mr. Shaw nodded at him, but still wouldn’t look away from me. “Got inside your tent?” At that, he looked away and focused his gaze on Sam.

             “It got inside our cabin. I was sleeping in front of the fireplace when it came in. It didn’t smash a window or break the door. It unlocked it. Do you know of a bear that could do something like that? I didn’t even wake up till I heard my parents screaming.” He was looking into my eyes again by the end.

             “It killed them?” Sam asked.

             “Dragged them off into the night.” He said, shaking his head before he spoke again. “Why it left me alive… been asking myself that ever since.” He paused his words and took a deep breath. One of his hands let go of mine to reach for the collar of his shirt. “Did leave me this, though.” He pulled his collar down at that, revealing three long scars. Claw marks. Reaching up one of my hands, I let my fingers trace the scars. When I touched them, it was like I could feel the pain the claws inflicted. “There’s something evil in those woods. It was some sort of a demon.” He looked at me again.

             “Thank you, Mr. Shaw.” Sam said, the boys rising to leave. Standing up to leave behind them, Mr. Shaw caught my hand in his again.

             “Thank you.” He said to me. “No one has ever listened to me before.” With a small smile and a nod of my head, I followed the boys out to the car.  

Dean had found us a motel for the night and we had just left from checking out the room, walking back to the car to get our bags.

             “Spirits and demons don’t have to unlock doors. If they want inside, they just go through the walls.” Dean stated.

             “So it’s probably something else, something corporeal.”

             “Corporeal? Excuse me, professor.” Dean retorted, making me giggle a little.

Hearing me, he shot a smirk over his shoulder at me.

             “The claws, the speed that it moves… could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog. Whatever we’re talking about, we’re talking about a creature, and it’s corporeal. Which means we can kill it.” Dean finished, opening the door so we could all walk outside. I went to the backseat, grabbing my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder, while Dean opened the trunk, propping open the weapons compartment with a shotgun, Sam and I joining him.

             “We cannot let that Haley girl go out there.” Sam said as he grabbed a couple of things to put in the duffle Dean was packing.

             “Oh yeah? What are we gonna tell her? That she can’t go into the woods because of a big scary monster?” Man, the sarcasm is strong with this one, but even I couldn’t deny he had a point.

             “Yeah.” Sam replied. Dean and I shared a look before we both looked over at Sam.

             “Her brother’s missing, Sam. She’s not gonna just sit this out. Now we go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend.” He said as he picked up the duffel bag.

             “Finding Dad’s not enough?” Sam asked as he slammed the weapons box and the trunk shut. “Now we gotta babysit too?” When Dean didn’t answer him, I could tell it upset him. “What.”

             “Nothing.” He threw the duffel bag at Sam as he turned away, placing his hand on my back and guiding us away from Sam. He trudged past us with the duffel bag and into the motel without a word. I almost felt bad for him, but I didn’t understand why he was being so harsh about all of this.

             “Hey, Freya?” Dean called out to me, putting a hand on my elbow to pull me to a stop.

             “What’s up?”

             “Can I ask you something?”

             “You just did.” I said with a cheeky grin.

             “Smartass.” He said with a smile before his face got serious again.

             “What happened back at Shaw’s house? How did you get him to talk?” I debated his question for a second. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I was afraid he would be mad at me if he knew.

             “Promise you won’t be mad?”

             “I promise.” Instead of vocalizing what I did, I lowered my head again and closed my eyes. I had never shown him my eyes. I’m not going to lie, I was really anxious about how he was going to react, but I had also decided that I didn’t want to lie to him, it didn’t feel right to me. So I took a deep breath, raised my head and opened my eyes. I heard his breath catch in his throat, but he didn’t back away. If anything, it felt like he was closer to me than he was before.

             “I just showed him he wasn’t alone.”

             “Do you know what color your eyes glow?” His question caught me off guard, but I answered none the less.

             “I’ve never seen them before.”

             “Purple. Dark purple. It’s beautiful.” He responded. He grabbed my elbow again and dragged me over to the impala where he could show me in the mirror. “Look.”

             I stared at my reflection for a moment, almost not recognizing the girl looking back. Long, dark red hair piled on top of my head in a messy bun, pale white skin. But the purple eyes glowing back at me were almost ethereal. I heard a gasp and it took a second to realize it was me who made that noise. Looking back up at Dean, I smiled at him. He just shrugged and walked away, opening the motel door and waiting for me to catch up.

  As I laid down on the couch, trying to sleep, my mind strayed to the green eyed hunter laying in the bed not too far from me. How much things had changed between us in the few weeks I had been with them. I knew he didn’t fully trust me, and I still didn’t fully trust him, or Sam for that matter, but I couldn’t deny that I felt drawn to him in a way I have never felt before. I found myself thinking about how he would react to something before I did it. Found myself searching him out whenever I knew he was close, looking to him for his reactions. The way he stood up for me at the bar earlier tonight, no one has ever done something like that before. It was confusing to me, my need to be near him. Every time he touched me, his hand on my arm, or on my back, made my heart race so much I thought it would beat out of my chest. It was like I could breathe better when I knew he was near. And when Haley’s little brother snapped at him at their house, I had to hold back a growl. I needed to figure this out. I’ve seen the girls that Dean looked at, tall, pretty, thin…. I was nothing like them, and a mysterious monster on top of that. I wasn’t in his orbit, so I needed to get him out of my head. Sleep finally found me, slowly pulling me out of the torturous spiral my thoughts had put me in. 

When we pulled up to the trailhead and parked the car, Sam got out to gather our bags and Dean turned around, his arm on the back of the seat for leverage as he spoke to me. 

“While we are out there, stay close to me, yeah?” He said to me, “Or Sam, you know, one of us.” The tips of his ears were a little red, when he finished his sentence, but I didn’t call him out on it. 

“Yeah, okay.” I replied to him. He just nodded as he got out of the car, opening my door for me as well. 

“You got room for three more?” Dean called out to Haley.

“Wait, you want to come with us?” Haley answered.

“Who are these guys?” The guide Haley hired asked her. 

“Apparently, this is all the park service could muster up for the search and rescue.” 

“You’re rangers?” The guide asked

“That’s right.” Dean answered as Sam walked past us all, handing me my backpack with a nod. 

“And you’re hiking out in biker boots and jeans?” Haley asked Dean, looking him up and down. Not going to lie, I’m not really liking that too much, but I didn’t say anything. 

“Well, sweetheart, I don’t do shorts.” He said to her. Sweetheart. He called her sweetheart. While sarcasm was littering his tone, he still called her sweetheart. My chest hurt when I heard it. Fuck I needed to get this under control and quick. Dean glanced at me as he walked past me towards where Sam went. Apparently I didn’t hide the look on my face well enough, because his eyes softened when he looked at me, his hand brushing across my back as he moved past me. 

“What, you think this is funny? It’s dangerous back country. Her brother might be hurt.” the guide says. 

“Believe me, I know how dangerous it can be. We just want to help them find their brother, that’s all.” Dean responds, walking past everyone and heading into the woods. I promised him I would stay close to him, so I follow after him, jogging a bit to catch up. The guide, who’s name I found out is Roy, took the lead, then Dean, myself, Haley and Ben came next, with Sam bringing up the rear. 

“Roy, you said you did a little hunting?” Dean said, trying to make conversation. 

“Yeah, more than a little.” 

“Uh-huh. What kind of furry critters do you hunt?” 

“Mostly buck, sometimes bear.” Roy replied as Dean passed him. 

“Tell me, uh, Bambi or Yogi ever hunt you back?” He stopped abruptly by Roy grabbing him. I really did not like that move and I couldn’t help the growl that left my throat at that. Sam came up behind me placing a hand on my shoulder. 

“Breathe,” he said. 

“Whatcha doing, Roy?” Dean asked him. Watching him grab a stick, he pokes the bear trap Dean had almost just stepped in. 

“It’s a bear trap.” Dean said, looking a little sheepish. Roy dropped the stick at that, walked around Dean and resumed the lead. Dean stopped me as I went to walk by him. “You good?” He asked me. 

“Fine.”

“You can’t just go growling at everyone when they do something you don’t like. You gotta keep that in check, doll.” 

“I didn’t mean to, it just slipped out when he grabbed you. I’m sorry…” I trailed off. He didn’t say anything, but his hand slipped up my arm and cupped the back of my head for a moment, before he dropped his hand and motioned for me to catch up with Sam. I had just reached him when I heard Haley talking to Dean. 

“You didn’t pack any provisions. You guys are carrying a duffel bag. You’re not rangers.” She said to him as she grabbed his arm. Another small growl escaped me, but Dean just nodded to me, letting me know he was okay before he turned towards her. “So who the hell are you?” Ben walked by them just as Sam and I reached where they were standing, Dean nodding for us to go on ahead, a soft smile in my direction as he shook her hand off his arm. Stupid me and my stupid heart couldn’t help but let out a breath at that action. 

“Sam and I are brothers, Freya’s with me… with us, and we’re looking for our father. He might be here, we don’t know. I just figured that you and me, we’re in the same boat.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that from the start?” 

“I’m telling you now. ‘Sides, it’s probably the most honest I’ve ever been with a woman. …ever.” He said before his eyes slid to me. “Well, almost ever.” He said before focusing back on Haley. “So we okay?” There was a pregnant pause that seemed to last forever. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“And what do you mean I didn’t pack provisions?” He asked her as he pulled a bag of peanut M&M’s out of his pocket, sticking his hand in the bag and pulling out a handful as he walked past her. Peanut M&M’s. Wait a minute. 

“Wait a minute. Dean, those are mine! Where did you get those?” I yell as I run after him. “Hey, dipshit, give them back!” He laughed at me, holding them up out of my reach when I tried to get them from him. “Dean, come on. You think it’s smart to keep me from my chocolate?” Sam is laughing at us now as well. 

“Sorry, dollface!” He laughed again as I jumped, trying to reach the bag, but Sam, ever my hero, came up behind him and grabbed the bag, putting it in my hand before ruffling my hair and walking off to catch up with everyone. “Dammit, Sam!” Dean yelled at him, trying to get the bag back from me, but I just stuck my tongue out at him and stayed just out of his reach, laughing as I ran away hiding behind Sam. Dean just threw his hands up in surrender and walked off, following everyone. 

“This is it. Blackwater Ridge.” Roy spoke up.

“What coordinates are we at?” Sam asked

“Thirty-Five and minus one-eleven.” Roy said. Looking at his GPS. Walking past him, I bumped Dean’s shoulder. When he looked at me, I motioned to my ears. He nodded, walking up to Sam. 

“You hear that?” He asked Sam. 

“Yeah. Not even crickets.” 

“I can’t even hear the insects, guys. I stopped being able to hear nature maybe 8-10 minutes ago.” I told both of them, looking around. It will be dark soon.

“I’m gonna go take a look around.” Roy said. 

“You shouldn’t go off by yourself.” Sam told him, still looking around at the trees around us. 

“‘That’s sweet. Don’t worry about me.” Roy replied as he waved his gun, pushing me aside as he made his way between the boys. 

“Can I hit him?” I asked the boys. 

“Only if I can.” Dean responded, glaring after Roy. Sighing, he continued, “All right, everybody stays together. Let’s go.” Motioning everyone to follow after Roy, his hand coming to rest on my lower back, guiding me to follow his brother. 

“Haley! Over here!” Roy shouted. Haley immediately took off towards his voice, the rest of us trailing behind. 

“Oh my god.” Haley breathed out. The tents that surrounded the campsite were torn open and bloody. Supplies scattered all around. The smell of blood was almost overwhelming, but there was something else, underlying, that I could smell. It almost smelled like damp earth. Dark, hidden, damp earth. Walking up to Dean, I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention. 

“The smells. Blood is prominent, but there is something else I don’t understand.” “What is it?” 

“Before I met your dad, sometimes I would hunker down in people’s basements or under bridges. They always smelt the same. Dark, damp dirt. Wet earth.” I told him, scrunching my eyebrows in confusion. Before he could respond, Haley’s shouting cut him off. 

“Tommy?” She yelled out, taking her backpack off, throwing it on the ground. “Tommy!”

“Shhh.” Sam told her, catching up with her. 

“Tommy!” She ignored him, shouting again. 

“Shh-hh-hh!” 

“Why?” She asked him. 

“Something might still be out there.” He responded.

“I don’t like this, Dean.” I told him, walking away from him to the edge of the trees. I could feel him following closely behind me, he stopped me with a hand on my elbow, pointing down to the ground. Drag marks. Crouching down, we inspected them.

“Sam!” he yelled out to his brother. The smell of coffee was extremely comforting, compared to the overwhelming blood stuck in my nostrils as Sam drew near to us. Crouching down next to us, he looked at the ground. “The bodies were dragged from the campsite. But here, the tracks just vanish. That’s weird.” He said quietly. Standing up, he continued, “I’ll tell you what, that’s no skinwalker or black dog.” Walking back towards the camp, I noticed Haley had found a cell phone covered in blood. She turned the phone over, looking at the back of it when Dean crouched down next to her. “Hey, he could still be alive.” But instead of answering him, she just gave him a look. 

“Help! Help!” 

Roy took off running in the direction of the voice, everyone following behind him. I could have sworn I heard something moving in the trees off to my left, but when I looked, I didn’t see anything. 

“Help! Somebody!” 

“Dean, there isn’t anyone else here.” I told him, pointing to my nose. 

“It seemed like it was coming from around here, didn’t it?” Haley asked us. Sam noticed the exchange between Dean and I so he turned to me. 

“You’re sure?” He asked me. Nodding, I looked around, trying to see if I could notice anything. “Everybody back to camp.” Sam said, herding the rest of us back to the campsite. “Our packs!” Haley let out. I still had my backpack on, but everyone had dropped their bags. Which meant our weapons were gone too. 

“So much for my GPS and my satellite phone.” Roy complained. 

“What is going on?” Haley asked.

“Don’t suppose you have anything useful in that bag, would you, doll?” Dean asked, leaning in close, so he could speak in my ear. 

“Define useful.” I whispered back. 

“All I have is this.” He said as he lifted up his colt. 

“I’ve got a hunting knife, but Dean. I’ve always kind of been the weapon. Never really needed to carry one?” Grumbling to himself, he looked down at me. 

“Could have just said no…” 

“It’s smart. It wants to cut us off so we can’t call for help.” Sam interrupted our quiet conversation. 

“You mean someone, some nut job out there just stole all our gear.” Roy shot back. Can I just say, Sam has an epic bitch face. Like. It’s epic. Especially when it’s directed at Roy. Sam holds his look for a second before coming over to Dean and I. 

“I need to speak with you. In private.” Dean’s hand finds a home on my lower back again as we walk away out of earshot of the rest of the group. “Good. Let me see Dad’s journal.” As soon as it’s in his hands, he’s searching for one particular page. When he found it, he turned it around, pointing it out to Dean and I. “All right, check that out.” He said, pointing to a First Nations - style drawing of a figure. 

“Oh come on, wendigos are in the Minnesota woods or, or northern Michigan. I’ve never even heard of one this far west.” 

“Think about it, Dean, the claws, the way it can mimic a human voice.” Sam said. 

“The smell makes sense.” I told him. 

“Smell?” Sam asked

“Earlier, she told me she smelled damp dirt and couldn’t figure it out.” Dean answered for me. “Great. Well then this is useless.” He said lifting up his Colt again. I couldn’t help but let out a little giggle at that one. “Shut it, sunshine,” he glared at me, but there was no heat in his eyes. He almost looked amused. Especially when my cheeks heated up again. Damn him and his ability to make me blush. A small smile briefly graced Sam’s face before he handed John’s journal back to Dean. 

“We gotta get these people to safety.” He said, turning back around and heading back to the camp. “All right, listen up, it’s time to go. Things have gotten… more complicated.” Sam addressed the rest of the group. 

“What?” Haley asked.

“Kid, don’t worry. Whatever’s out there, I think I can handle it.” Roy snarked. 

“It’s not me I’m worried about. If you shoot this thing, you’re just gonna make it mad. We have to leave. Now.” Came Sam’s response. 

“One, you’re talking nonsense. Two, you’re in no position to give anybody orders. 

“Relax.” Dean tried to de-escalate the two, but it didn’t work.

“We never should have let you come out here in the first place, all right? I’m trying to protect you.” Sam popped back. Roy stepped into Sam’s space, getting right up in his face. This time, I stepped between the two of them, my hand on Sam’s chest, trying to get him to calm down.  

“You protect me? I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you good night.” Roy said. Sam was pushing against my hand again, but he wasn’t moving me. 

“Yeah? It’s a damn near perfect hunter. It’s smarter than you, and it’s gonna hunt you down and eat you alive unless we get your stupid sorry ass out of here.” 

“You know you’re crazy, right?” Roy laughs at him, but when he tried to push me out of the way, that’s when Dean decided to jump in. 

“Yeah? You ever hunt a wen-” Dean jumped in between Roy and I, pushing Sam back. 

“Roy!” Haley shouted. 

“Chill out.” Dean said to Sam. Once he was satisfied he wasn’t going to do something stupid, he turned to me. My eyes hadn’t left Roy since he tried to put hands on me, but Dean’s gentle hand on my elbow brought me out of my murderous thoughts. 

“Stop. Stop it. Everybody just stop. Look. Tommy might still be alive. And I’m not leaving here without him.” Haley spoke up. The three of us shared a look, nodding in acceptance. 

“It’s getting late. This thing is a good hunter in the day, but an unbelievable hunter at night. We’ll never beat it, not in the dark. We need to settle in and protect ourselves.” Dean said

“How?” Haley asked. 

“I may be able to help with that.” I said, pulling my backpack off, digging my mom’s journal out. 

Haley and Ben were sitting around the campfire and Dean, Sam and I were drawing. 

“One more time, that’s -” 

“Anasazi symbols. It’s for protection. The wendigo can’t cross over them.” Dean answered her. Roy laughed at us, slinging his rifle over his shoulder. “Nobody likes a skeptic, Roy.” Nudging me to follow him, he headed over to sit next to Sam at the edge of the campsite. “You wanna tell us what’s going on in that freaky head of yours?”

“Dean -” Sam started. 

“No, you’re not fine. You’re like a powder keg, man, it’s not like you. I’m supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?” 

“Dad’s not here. I mean, that much we know for sure, right?” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Tell you the truth, I don’t think Dad’s ever been to Lost Creek.” Dean said with a sigh. 

“Then let’s get these people back to town and let’s hit the road. Go find dad. I mean, why are we still even here?” 

“This is why.” Dean responded by pulling out John’s journal and holding it up. “This book. This is dad’s single most valuable possession - everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he’s passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people, hunting things. The family business.” Shaking his head, Sam looks up at Dean. 

“That makes no sense. Why doesn’t he just - call us? Why doesn’t he - tell us what he wants, tell us where he is?” 

“I dunno. But the way I see it, Dad’s giving us a job to do, and I intend to do it.” 

“Dean… no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica’s killer. It’s the only thing I can think about.” 

“Okay, all right, Sam, we’ll find him, I promise. Listen to me. You’ve gotta prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can’t keep it burning over the long haul. It’s gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man.” Looking down at the ground, Sam gathered his thoughts before looking back up. 

“How do you do it? How does Dad do it?” he asked Dean. Glancing over at the siblings over by the fire, he focuses his attention back on his own brother. 

“Well for one, them.” He nods back at the campfire. “I mean, I figure our family’s so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Make things a little bit more bearable.” Grinning over at me before turning back to Sam, he continues. “I’ll tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can.” That pulls a smile to Sam’s face. 

“Help me! Please!” 

Standing up, Dean pulls out his Colt, his hand resting on my elbow. 

“Help!”

Sam was shining his flashlight about, but we still couldn’t see the wendigo.

“He’s trying to draw us out. Just stay cool, stay put.” Dean told everyone. 

“Inside the magic circle?” Roy snarked 

“Help! Help me!” It trailed off, growling

“Okay, that’s no grizzly.” Roy finally admitted, pointing his gun out to the dark. Haley had her arm around her brother, trying to comfort him. But as something rushes past, she shrieked. 

“It’s here.” Sam said. 

“Freya, you got anything?” Dean calls back to me, never taking his eyes off the trees. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on my hearing. 

“Left.” A gunshot rang out as soon as the word left my mouth. 

“I hit it!” Roy shouts, taking off running off towards the direction he shot.

“Roy, no! Roy!” Dean yelled after him. Turning to Haley and Ben, he shouts at them. “Don’t move.” I had already taken off after Roy, catching up to him just as the Wendigo grabbed him by the neck. Diving for him, I grabbed his legs, getting pulled up with him, but the Wendigo knocked me off of Roy, flinging me back into another tree across the clearing. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked me as he helped me stand up.

“Peachy. I think the bitch broke my leg.” I told him as I leaned against him. “I tried to stop it. I tried to hold onto him. I wasn’t fast enough.” 

“You got a pretty nasty bruise, doll.” He said, thumbing at my cheek where the wendigo hit me. 

“I’m okay. I’ll heal. Can you help me back to camp?” He nodded at me, putting his arm around my waist to hold my weight better. “Did you find anything, Sam?” I asked him as he came back over to us. 

“He’s gone.” 

“Let's get back.” I told them. When we got back to camp, Dean explained to Haley and Ben how we lost Roy and couldn’t find him, helping me sit down on a log by the fire. 

“We’re safe for now. Try and get some sleep.” Dean says to me as he sits down next to me, keeping his arm around me. 

“Yeah, okay.” I responded, laying my head on his shoulder. 

“I don’t… I mean, these types of things, they aren’t supposed to be real.” I heard Haley say as I stirred. Waking up, I realized I was on the ground, my head in Dean’s lap, leaning up against the same log he helped me sit on last night. 

“I wish I could tell you different.” Dean responded as he helped me sit up. “How are you feeling?” He turned to me. I just nodded to him, smiling to reassure him I was good. 

“How do we know it’s not out there watching us?” She asked him

“We don’t. But we’re safe for now.” 

“How do you know about this stuff?” I glanced up at Dean, seeing him trying to decide how to answer it. 

“Kind of runs in the family.”  He responded. Sam walked over to us at that point, everyone standing up to join him. 

“You’re leg?” Haley asked me. “Wasn’t it broken last night?” 

“Probably shattered.” I responded, walking over to Sam who was holding my backpack out to me. 

“But you’re walking on it?” She sounded so confused. 

“Told you she was special.” Dean joked with her, smirking over at me. Fucking blushing and this stupid fucking dumb pretty boy. 

“Hey.” Sam interrupted. “So we’ve got half a chance in the daylight. And I for one want to kill this evil son of a bitch.” 

“Well, hell, you know I’m in.” Dean smirks. Sam pulls out John’s journal, showing the page about the wendigo to Haley and Ben. 

“Wendigo is a Cree Indian word. It means ‘evil that devours’.” Sam explained. 

“They’re hundreds of years old. Each one was once a man. Sometimes an Indian, or other times a frontiersman or a miner or hunter.” Dean continued. 

“How’s a man turn into one of those things?” Haley asked. I was moving around the campsite, trying to find the lighter fluid I knew I had seen yesterday. Dean had found a couple of empty bottles, but was still looking around for the rest of what we needed. 

“Well, it’s always the same. During some harsh winter a guy finds himself starving, cut off from supplies or help. Becomes a cannibal to survive, eating other members of his tribe or camp.” Dean filled in. 

“Like the Donner party.” Ben asked. I threw him a thumbs up, chuckling to myself at the comparison. Dean just smirked at me, shaking his head. 

“Cultures all over the world believe that eating human flesh gives a person certain abilities. Speed, strength, immortality.” Sam said. 

“If you eat enough of it, over years, you become this less than human thing. You’re always hungry.” Dean took his turn. 

“So if it’s true, how can Tommy still be alive?” Haley asked the brothers. 

“You’re not gonna like it.” I answered for them. The brothers glanced at each other before turning back to Haley.

“Tell me.” 

“More than anything, a wendigo knows how to last long winters without food. It hibernates for years at a time, but when it's awake it keeps its victims alive. It, uh, stores them, so it can feed whenever it wants. If your brother's alive, it's keeping him somewhere dark, hidden, and safe. We gotta track it back there.” Dean answered her.

“And then how do we stop it?”

“Well, guns are useless, so are knives. Basically -” pointing over to where I was raising the lighter fluid up, then holding up the beer bottles and white cloth he had picked up. “We gotta torch the sucker.” 

Dean and I were leading the way through the woods, Molotov cocktails in hand. Haley was behind us, followed by Ben, then Sam. I noticed the smell of wet earth was getting stronger, but I couldn’t make out where it was coming from. 

Sam had passed us at some point, taking the lead. 

“Guys.” Sam started. 

“What is it?” Dean asked him when we caught up with him. Pointing at the claw marks, Sam spoke.

“You know, I was thinking, those claw prints, so clear and distinct. They were almost too easy to follow.” I heard the rustle over to the left and my head snapped in that direction, Dean following my line of sight. The growling came from behind us, trees rustling all around us. Haley noticed the blood dripping on her jacket and looked up just in time to leap out of the way as Roy’s corpse landed right where she was just standing. Dean made his way over to Roy, examining him as Sam went to help Haley up. 

“You okay? You got it?” He asked her.

“His neck’s broken.” Dean said to me. The growling cut him off from saying anything else to me. “Okay, run, run, run, run, go, go, go!” He yelled, grabbing me and pulling me up behind him. Ben tripped, but Sam hurried back to help him up. I lost sight of him after that, but hearing Haley scream made me turn back around. The last thing I remember was the Wendigo hands on either side of my head before a searing pain shot through my whole body. I heard Dean yelling my name, but it all went black. 

Pain. That’s all I felt. My entire body felt like it was on fire, burning from the inside out. I could hear Haley yelling to cut him down, but it’s like I was underwater. Groaning, I tried to open my eyes, but they just weren’t working. 

“Freya? Holy shit, Freya!” I felt his hands on my face as the familiar scent of pine trees blanketed me. “Come on, doll, open your eyes for me. Fuck, come on. You can do it.” 

“Dean?” I called out. My throat hurt, like I hadn’t had anything to drink in years. 

“That’s right, sweet girl. Come on, open your eyes for me.” After what felt like forever, I was able to get them to open up a little. It was dark, underground somewhere, that much I could tell. “Let’s get you up. Come on, you can do it.” Dean encouraged me as he and Sam helped me stand up, one on each side of me. 

“My whole body hurts.” I mumbled out as I leaned heavily on Dean. 

“Let’s get you out of here, yeah? Then we can patch you up. We found Tommy, the Wendigo is out. I found a couple of flare guns, so that will have to do. You with me?” He asked me.

“Let’s do it.” I tried to smile at him, but it came out as more of a grimace. We were almost to the exit when I heard it. The wendigo was back, growling through the halls. 

“Looks like someone’s home for supper.” I told Dean. 

“We’ll never outrun it.” Haley countered. The brothers paused, looking at each other. 

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Dean pipped up.

“Yeah, I think so.” Sam answered him. 

“All right, listen to me.” Dean started, turning to the Collins siblings. “Stay with Sam. He’s gonna get you out of here.” 

“What are you gonna do?” Haley asked him, but he simply grabbed my hand and winked, walking away and pulling me with him. 

“Chow time, you freaky bastard! Yeah, that’s right, bring it on, baby, I taste good.” Dean yelled out, trying to get the wendigo’s attention. Of course my brain decided that was the perfect time to jump in. Yeah, I bet you do, pretty boy… “Can you hear him?” He asked me. 

“He’s close.” I told him. “I can hear him shuffling. Follow me.” I told him as we wound through a few different tunnels, finally coming up on the back side of the wendigo. He had cornered Sam and the Collins. 

“Hey!” Dean yelled out at him, causing him to turn around. He shot at him, hitting him straight in the stomach, lighting him up in flames. “Not bad, huh?” He says with a smirk, looking between Sam and I. I just shook my head as Sam grinned at him. 

I was leaning against the Impala, watching everything around me. I could hear Ben talking to the officer about the ‘huge 800-900 lb grizzly’ we faced, as Sam walked over to me, leaning next to me. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“Tired, but yeah. I’m okay.” I said, turning to look up at him. “Are you?” 

“I’ll get back to you on that.” He responded just as Dean and Haley made their way over to us. Sam had made his way over to the ambulance, it was his turn to get checked out.

“I don’t know how to thank you.” She tells Dean and I, but Dean just grins at me, causing Haley to smile, despite everything. 

“Must you cheapen the moment?” She chuckles. 

“Yeah.” Dean chuckles right back, just as a paramedic walked up, catching Haley’s attention. 

“You riding with your brother?” 

“Yeah.” Turning to Ben, she says, “Let’s go.” Turning back to us, she kissed Dean on the cheek before turning around, following the paramedic. “I hope you find your father.” she called back over her shoulder. “Thanks, Sam. Freya.” She said with a smile, climbing into the back of the ambulance with her brothers.

Both brothers came and sat on either side of me, watching the ambulance close up. 

“Man, I hate camping.” Dean groaned. 

“Me too.” 

“I don’t know, I didn’t think it was so bad.” I jumped in. 

As the ambulance drives away, Dean leans up, looking across me to Sam.

“Sam, you know we’re gonna find dad, right?” 

“Yeah, I know. But in the meantime? I’m driving.” Dean tossed the keys to Sam before turning to me. 

“Freya, do you remember what happened out there?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“When the wendigo caught us. Do you remember anything?” Dean pressed. 

“I remember seeing him, he grabbed my face. But then I guess he must have knocked me out.” I turned my head to see Sam shaking his head. 

“He didn’t knock you out, Freya.” Sam said. 

“What do you mean? I blacked out.” I told him. 

“Freya, you didn’t have a heartbeat. I checked. I heard the snap.” Dean started, turning away from me to take a deep breath. “Doll, he broke your neck.” It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I leaned back against the car again to get my bearings. 

“There’s no way. I mean, it would have killed me, right?” I said quietly. 

“That’s the thing, Freya. It did kill you. You were dead.” Sam said. 

“That doesn’t make sense.” The world was starting to spin at this point. I died? I was trying to catch my breath, but it was coming out in short spurts. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. Freya, sweetheart, look at me.” Dean said, taking hold of my face, making me look at him. “Breathe. In and out, come on. Breathe with me.” He started taking deep breaths, putting one of my hands on his chest so I could feel his breathing. I could feel myself starting to even out. “Good girl.” He said, still making me breathe with him. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand what’s going on. I’m sorry.” I mumbled. 

“What did I say about apologizing?” He asked me. I chuckled a bit, but I leaned down, my forehead against his chest for a second. 

“Thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me. Get in the car. Let’s find somewhere to get some sleep, yeah?” He said to me, walking me around the car to the backseat. Once I was settled, he climbed into the passenger seat, Sam in the driver’s seat. 

“One of these days, you’re gonna let me drive, Winchester.” I said, sleep already trying to claim me. 

“Don’t bet on it, sweetheart. Don’t bet on it.” 

“Why try, I know why

The feeling inside me says it’s time I was gone

Clear head, new life ahead

I want to be king now not just one more pawn

Fly by night away from here

Change my life again

Fly by night goodbye my dear

My ship isn’t coming and I just can’t pretend”

The sound of the engine and the music was slowly pulling me under, but what really helped me rest was realizing that when Dean called me sweetheart, this time, the way he said it was so different than how he said it to Haley a few days ago. That petty side of my brain kept thinking ‘Ha, take that! That’s what you get!’ but the logical side of my brain kept telling me that he talks to everyone like that. He’s a natural flirt. It doesn’t mean anything. But that didn’t change the warmth settling in my chest as I drifted off to sleep. Shit….. I was fucked…. 

[liquidstar]

OC WIP snippet.... again!

The sterile scent of disinfectant lingers in the air of the infirmary, the dim light of the overcast sky filtering through the window. Behind each curtain it's an empty bed-- all but one, where Bella still lies in deep sleep. Besides her, Polaris sits with her hands nervously clasped in her lap. There's a stillness that hangs heavy, forcing her to hold her breath. The silence is not peaceful, but rather a hollow void, amplifying her anxiety. They say a watched pot never boils, but what else is she to do? She's never-

Bella's eyes flutter open. Polaris instantly leaps to her feet, then hesitates, holding back from getting too close. Instead, she carefully observes Bella’s movements.

The light from the open window stabs at Bella's eyes- She didn't know where she was, what happened, or why her body ached. Disoriented, she grasps her head, trying to steady the spinning, and slowly pushes herself up.

“Woah, hey!” A familiar voice called out to her, and placed a comforting hand on her back. “Vesta said you're not supposed to move yet.”

“Vesta said…?” Bella dizzily repeated, looking around the room.

Bit by bit, she starts to understand her situation. The infirmary, Polaris, the injuries-- she pieces it all together, and quietly seals it all away. The pain, the worry, the fear. None of it touches her anymore. Her ability makes sure of that.

Everything is fine now. Nothing hurts anymore. It's a very convenient ability, honestly, how do people live without it? 

“Lie back down,” Polaris pleads, “I'll get you some water, or maybe-” Bella pushes Polaris hand away. She swings her legs off the bed and stands, her movements precise, as if the haze never existed.

With determined strides, Bella makes her way to the exit, Leaving Polaris momentarily stunned. She shakes her head and snaps out of it. “Where are you going!?” Polaris calls from behind.

Bella stops underneath the doorway, turning just enough to meet Polaris's gaze. “They're still fighting out there, aren't they?” 

Polaris blinks. “Well, yes, but you're hurt. You can't-” 

“I'm not hurt.” 

“You're covered in cuts, you have internal bleeding, three broken ribs, and a concussion,” Polaris counts the injuries on her fingers as she lists them, “You're very hurt. Sit down.”

“My ethos blocks all that pain. I'm good to fight, so I'm not just going to stay here and argue semantics,” Without waiting for a response, Bella exits the infirmary, footsteps echoing down the empty hallway.

But she doesn’t get far before something jerks her backwards, sending her stumbling to the floor. Bella looks up to see Polaris clutching her arm, concern etched on her face.

“I'm so sorry!” Polaris panics and drops to the floor beside Bella, while still holding her wrist. Her eyes darted over Bella's injuries. “Are you hurt?” 

“Let go of me.”

“Only if you go back to the infirmary. I carried you there once, I can do it again.” 

Bella rolls her eyes. “When I was unconscious? I'm not going to let you now.” 

“I'm not going to let you not let me.” 

“That's just childish!” Bella twists her arm, trying to break free, but it's pointless. Has Polaris gotten stronger? Or is Bella just weaker than usual right now? Maybe both are true. It's hard to tell with no sensation.

“I'm supposed to keep you here, no matter what. I’m not going to let go.”

“You…” The frustration boiling inside Bella finally spills over. How dare she, a newcomer- an outsider, keep her here while everyone else is out there fighting? And Bella, their leader, is sitting on the floor, useless. What good is she if she can’t protect her team, her guild, her family? She grits her teeth, and lets the words fall out of her. “Everyone has been so nice to you since you came here, and this is how you repay them!? You don't care at all, do you? No, you never have! Always acting like you're above this place or something… I don't care if you don't care, but I need to protect everyone, so let me go!!!”

Polaris is momentarily taken aback by Bella’s outburst, but her grip only tightens. “I do care about everyone! I want to protect everyone too!” 

“Then why are you here!!!!?”

“Because there's no “everyone” without you!”

Bella stops her struggle.

Polaris looks Bella in the eyes. Her voice softens, but doesn't waver, and she continues, “You're hurt. You could get more hurt. Your ribs could pierce your heart without you realizing it, and you'd die just like that.” 

Bella finds the eye contact difficult to return, her eyes anxiously flickering around the room. With a hesitant voice, she reiterates, almost as if talking to herself, “I'm not hurt.” 

Polaris shakes her head. “Just because you don't feel the pain doesn't mean you're not hurt.” 

“That's oxymoronic.” 

“No it's not! If I close my eyes, does whatever is in front of me stop existing!? Your pain is there, you're just ignoring it.” 

“I'm not in-” 

“If you can't acknowledge your pain, I'll have to do it for you,” Polaris loosens her grasp on Bella’s wrist, her hand sliding down to hold Bella’s. “You're injured. You're hurting. You are in pain. Go rest.”

For a brief moment, Bella laments the fact that her ethos won't let her feel this sensation.

Before she could ponder on it further, Polaris lets go. She continues, “My job was to make sure you were okay. If you go back, I can take care of everything else out there. I care about you guys, I won't let you down,” Polaris stands up, dusts herself off, extends her hand to Bella once more, and begs, “Trust me, please.” 

Bella's hand twitches slightly, almost reaching for Polaris. But at the last second, she pulls back and stands on her own.

“I'll walk back with you,” Polaris offers. Though it's not as if Bella really has a choice in the matter.

Bella rolls her eyes again, but she doesn't complain.

Once back in her bed, all Bella can do is put her faith in Polaris and the others. Polaris, who said she cares about her, who would acknowledge her pain, who would protect her-- she supposes she's not impossible to trust. It's not as though she dislikes her or anything.

As she lies there, waiting in the dull, sterile infirmary, Bella occasionally turns off her ethos, checking in on her condition. While she does that, for no particular reason, maybe just mild curiosity, just to test what the sensation might have been like, she will hold her own hand.

[horeformilfs]

I don't know how to be okay

Helena Bonham Carter X Fem!Reader

TW: Smoking, Fighting, SH, Eating Disorder, Talk about SA, Abuse

------------------------------------------

"But that's what you don't understand Helena, I don't know how to be okay," You scream as tears stream down your face. "Then let me help you, please," She says as she tires to come towards you. "No, I can't be helped, all I'm going to do is hurt you, I don't want that to happen," you say, as you walk to the front door and put on your coat.

She didn't move, she didn't try to stop you because she knew that you couldn't be stopped. When you were in this headspace the best thing to do was to give you some space to sort things out for yourself even though she didn't want to. You walked out the door and down the long driveway looking back to see Helena stranding in the doorway. 

It had been a few hours since you had left Helena's house and your phone had multiple missed calls and unread texts. You clothes now scattered on the floor of your bathroom as you stepped into the steaming shower, hoping the water would be hot enough to make you feel something.

After around 20 minutes of sitting on the tile floor of the shower you quickly washed your hair, wrapping yourself in a towel after turning off the water. 

Once in your sweats, you grab your cigarets, lighter, and book and make your way to your balcony. You take a seat on the couch and your cat Bella (yes you guessed right if you were thinking bellatrix) joins you on the other side of the sofa. You light your cigaret and inhale the toxic chemicals as you start reading your book. 

An hour passes, then two, then three, once you finish your book your have also managed to go through almost an entire pack of cigarets, with two left you decide to light them and put them out on your skin, burning yourself in the process.

You did not care that you were hurting yourself though because you didn't feel anything at this point. You body was littered with scars, burns, and bruises from your anger towards yourself and nobody had ever seen them, not even Helena.

You finally went inside twenty minutes later, the clock on the wall read 4:50 am, after finally checking your phone, you saw you had over twenty missed calls from your lover and thirty unread texts.

You looked at the messages from Helena but decided not to respond. You didn't know how to explain to her how hard it was for you to feel negative emotions and the toll it had on your mental and physical health. You finally went to bed around six o'clock in the morning and slept for almost a full twenty-four hours. 

Over the next week you did not look at your phone you figured that Helena was done with you. Somewhere deep inside your heart you knew that she wasn't like that, but from your past experiences, some part of you felt like it was true. During the week you didn't eat, overslept, and never once let yourself cry, even though you needed too. All you wanted was to be with Helena but you felt as if it was over. 

It was around midnight when you heard a knock on you apartment door. You didn't know who it was so went to the door and opened it. Standing on the other side of the door was Helena. She looked like a mess, her hair was messier than usual, eyes bloodshot and puffy, and she looked like she hadn't slept very much.

"Helena, what are you doing here," you asked surprised at the visit. "I needed to see you and make sure that you were okay," she responded moving to hug you, but you back away. She looked sad and confused at your motion and asked if she could come in and you agreed leading her through your living room to your balcony, taking a seat on the couch.

"So why are you here," you asked after she sat down. "Because I was worried about you and wanted to make sure that you were okay and safe, that's all I have ever wanted," she said looking at you with a sad look. "But why, I'm not worth anything and I know that you know that too, so please spare me the bullshit and tell me why you're really here," she just looked at you, heartbroken to hear that that is what you think of her and yourself.

"Darling, why on earth would you think that, I love you so much and I know that you know that," she replied moving to face you. "I just...never mind," you say turning away from her. "No Y/N, please don't shut me out again, I know that you have your troubles but I want to be there to help you through them, I want to be the one that you go to when you need to talk or to just be held, all I want is for you be alright and that may not be everyday and that may not happen for a while, but please, I'm begging you, let me support you, I can't see you hurt like this." She said.

All you could do was look at her, You didn't know how to respond, no one had ever wanted to stay with you once they had found out but you could see that she was telling the truth. 

After a few minutes of sitting in silence you finally spoke. "Alright, I will tell you, but I don't blame you if after you hear what I say you leave me," all she did was nod her head. "Well if I'm starting from the beginning, I was born in another country and was adopted, my parents used to hit me when I was little, but they deny every doing it, so that's part of the reason why I don't really like being touched or why I flinch when you try to hug me, but I'm like that with everyone, so don't think that it's you. Then I was sexually assaulted twice, I tried telling the school about it when I was 14 but the didn't believe me. The second time it happened I told my parents and my mom asked me what I was wearing and if I had given his any sign to show that I wanted it, which obviously isn't true. 

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety later that year and after that I was in and out of hospitals. Then, earlier this year after being in a program I was finally diagnosed with social anxiety, PTSD, and BPD," you say finally looking at Helena, who had tears streaming down her face. "Darling, why didn't you every tell me this," she asked wondering why you felt as if she couldn't be trusted.

"I don't know, it's just, anytime I told someone, they would leave me, think that I was too much to deal with or would want friends that didn't have any mental health problems, so after a while I just decided to keep it to myself and not tell people that I got close to, in fear of them leaving."

"Well you don't have to worry about me leaving, because I'm here by your side the whole way, I don't care how much you try to push me away, I'm not letting go of you, you are so special to me and I hope you know that," she said as she pulled you into her lap. You flinched at first, but quickly relaxed, wrapping your arms around her waist and placing your head on her chest. 

"I would like to more about how your diagnoses effect you, if you're willing to share that with me," Helena asked breaking the silence. You gently nod your head, taking a deep breath, while mentally preparing yourself for the conversation. 'When it comes to BPD, I have a hard time expressing my emotions in a controlled safe way and tend to feel emotions very strongly, which can lead to negative coping skills like, self harm. I tend to cut or burn myself when I fell strong negative emotions because I feel as though it is my fault that those emotions are even present in my life."

"I also engage in a lot of black and white thinking, which basically is a thought pattern that makes people think in absolutes. For instance, you may think you are either always right or the world's biggest failure. People with Borderline Personality Disorder also tend to have unclear or shifting self-image, unstable interpersonal relationships, mood swings, impulsive and self-destructive behavior like I mentioned before, a fear of rejection or abandonment, self-harm and suicidal tendencies, like the cutting, explosive rage which for me can mean punching or breaking doors or walls, feelings of emptiness, and a loss of touch with reality, which for me is dissociation which is a way the mind copes with too much stress, or in my case a traumatic event," you explain as Helena listens closely, encouraging you to go on. 

"When something traumatic happens, our body tends to have a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reactions. The fight response is your body's way of facing any perceived threat aggressively, flight means your body urges you to run from danger, and freeze is your body's inability to move or act against a threat. Fawn is your body's stress response to try to please someone to avoid conflict." You tell her.

"In my case, my initial instinct was to freeze, it is sometimes described as a 'mental escape' when physical escape is not possible, or when a person is so emotionally overwhelmed that they cannot cope any longer. I couldn't get away from the person who was hurting me to my brain switched off in a sense, I felt as if I was disconnected from my body or as if I was just observing what was happening. I think that hardest part of all of this is realizing that none of it is my fault, and when I realize that it is true I will be better equipped to cope with the feeling from the trauma." 

Once you had finished talking you sat in silence as you looked at Helena, you couldn't tell what was going through her head. "I hope you know that I'm never going to leave you Y/N, you are so brave for telling me and I hope you know that you were amazing to trust me. Mental disorders are difficult things to process especially when they are just thrown at you and no one has explained what any of it means to you." She says

"I have to say that I am beyond proud of you for being able to talk to me about his and I hope that you know that I will always be here for you, now that I know about this, we can work together on a way for you to let me know when you are feeling worse so that I can be there to support you when you need it. I know that you may feel like I'm going to leave you because everyone else did, but I promise with all of my heart that that is never going to happen, I love you so much and all I want is for you to be happy, healthy, and safe." You knew that she was telling the truth and that made you feel safe. You stayed in each others embrace until Helena spoke up. 

"Little one, I know that you had mentioned some self- destructive behavior before and I want to make sure that all of those, whether they are burns or cuts are clean and take care of. Do you mind if I take a look at them," she asks in almost a delicate way, as if not to frighten you.

You silently agree getting up and leading her from the balcony of your apartment to the bathroom. You sit of the counter as she grabs the large first aid kit under the sink. She can see that you are growing more and more visibly anxious at the thought of her seeing your body but reassures you that there is nothing to worry about and leads you through an exercise to control your breathing.

"Everything is going to be alright little love, I want you to focus on keeping your breathing normal alight, do you think you can do that for me," she asks as she takes some of the needed materials out of the kit. You nod your head, letting her know that you agree with what she had said.

"Alright now love, I'm going to have to take off your sweatshirt in order to see your arms, are you okay with that," you nod your head, but she did not want that response. "Darling I need you to answer me with words." "Yes, I am alright with that," you reply as you continue to focus on your breathing. 

Helena makes quick work of washing the various wounds on your arms, never once making you think that she was at all mad at you. Once they were clean she let you hop in the shower to wash up since you had neglected to do so for a few days, while you were showering she picked up your room and the kitchen, and grabbed you a fresh set of clothes and one of her sweaters that had her perfume on it.

You hurried to get dressed not wanting to keep Helena waiting any longer. After finishing in the bathroom you made your way to your room where popcorn, your favorite candy and The Corpse Bride were ready for you to enjoy. You knew that Helena did not like to see herself in movies but when it came to animated ones she let it slide.

You quickly made your way to her, wrapping your arms around her, engulfing her in a hug, words could not describe how you felt at that moment, that fact that she took the time to do that for you was amazing and you loved every part of it. 

[jennycalendar]

no new update of what you make tonight as i'm working on something else, but i AM going through the outtake doc for cute bits and snips! these span a BUNCH of chapters. (the actual outtake doc itself is 50k words but we're not doing that.)

~~~~~

“Sorry about eating your pancakes,” said Art, who really wasn’t.

“You really aren’t,” said Mom affectionately. “And you know I don’t mind. You’re a growing boy, and I’m—”

“A shrinking lady?” said Buffy innocently.

Anxiously, Art said, “If she’s shrinking, she should be eating pancakes!”

“That’s—no. Art—no.” Mom was doing her very best not to laugh. It wasn’t really working. “And Buffy, I am thirty-seven and nowhere near shrinking any time soon. Now, Rupert, on the other hand—”

“I have to go call Anya,” said Dad very loudly, and left.

~~~~~~

“You don’t just throw money at problems,” said Jenny, glaring at him in a refreshingly combative way that felt a bit less like a marble statue and a bit more like a lightning strike. “And we’re not putting you out like that. Do you even know how expensive it is to house this many people in a reasonably decent hotel?”

“More money than we can pay, apparently,” said Stacey under her breath.

“For the love of God, Anastasia, do not create a new problem for me to address when Art’s parents are busily working on arguing their way into this one,” said Nora exasperatedly. “I should not have to tell you how hard your father and I worked to make this vacation a possibility—”

“And it’s sucked!” Stacey burst out. “It has totally sucked! You guys never let me do anything but wander around playing babysitter, and the one time I called Maddy, she said that Casey’s family’s in Honolulu right now and Casey totally has a Hawaiian boyfriend now! I haven’t even gotten to look at boys!”

“Stacey, you need to pick a lane,” said Jenny sharply. “You gonna get up on your high horse about how much you don’t like Rupert or are you going to yell at your mom about not being able to pay for the kind of vacation that Casey’s family is going on?”

Tears in her eyes, Stacey burst out, “This was supposed to be a vacation, and all we’re doing is trailing around after Art’s dad!”

“I…did not realize that those lanes could merge,” said Nora, who looked almost impressed.

~~~~~~

“Yes, thank you, Christian, but I have absolutely no interest in continuing to have mediocre sex with you. What? Yes, it was mediocre. Do you even know where the clitoris is?” Upon seeing Giles in the doorway, Anya sighed very dramatically, then said, “Look, my kinda-boss is here and he doesn’t like it when I use the work phone to break up with disinteresting men. I will not be calling you back, and you definitely shouldn’t call again.”

~~~~~

She was now leveling Giles with a look that clearly said you better not be about to pull what I think you’re going to pull. “Pretty sure the ocean will be a problem, Rupert,” she said, “because you’re not just going to make some sort of impulsive life decision just because—”

“I’m moving to Colorado,” Giles informed them.

“Jesus Christ,” muttered Jenny, dropping her head into her hands.

Nora and Donovan exchanged a completely bemused look. 

~~~~~

“Jenny, he has so many people who love him,” said Giles very softly. “Nora and Donovan, of course, but it’s abundantly clear that his cousins adore him. I’ve never seen a family get on quite like yours does.”

“You’ve seen, like, two families,” said Jenny unsympathetically.

Giles ignored this.

~~~~~

Art lit up the very moment Giles entered the kitchen. Giles had initially assumed that this could be attributed to his relative newness, and would as such fade once he became a more established part of his life, but closer observation had revealed that Art’s delight extended to absolutely every member of his family. Even Bella, who Art valiantly play-acted at violently hating, always got his attention upon entering a room—though, to be fair, Bella got everyone’s attention upon entering a room, usually by causing minor to significant property damage within the first five seconds of being there. “Hi, Dad!” he said. “Aunt Nora made you breakfast and tea and I didn’t let Mom eat any of it.”

“…Was that a risk?” said Giles.

“Yes,” said Art, glaring at Jenny. “She said you said it would be okay, but I didn’t see how you could do that if you were asleep. Were you asleep?”

“Very,” said Giles, sitting down between Jenny and Bella. “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know, it’s too early,” said Art. “You have to ask me that at dinner when I’ve done things. Can we play in the hedge maze again?”

Giles opened his mouth. Jenny shot him a look, then said to Art, “I don’t know, baby. Are you going to be able to take good care of your dad and not get him lost in it again?”

“I wasn’t lost,” Giles started, very unconvincingly.

“He wasn’t lost!” said Art. “He’s a grown-up! And I wasn’t lost either!”

~~~~~

Seeing as Rupert has not quite gotten over the fact that we will no longer be traveling from place to place, and in fact woke me up at four in the morning last Thursday to ask where his little suitcase was so that he could properly pack it for our next trip, any and all aspects of our new home that bring him joy are a great joy to me as well. As such, when he discovered that the telephone was no longer solely for emergencies, he proceeded to ask me to ring absolutely every family member possible so that he could talk to them. Of course, given that Rupert has quite a lot of trouble talking to anyone who isn’t me or Tom, as soon as the phone was handed to him, he would go dead silent, listen with wide eyes to the inquiries of whichever gran he had on the phone, and say, very anxiously, “Thank you for calling. Goodbye,” before abruptly hanging up.

The first time he did this, I was very worried that he’d been made nervous by a family member outside of our little circle. Imagine my surprise when he solemnly handed me the phone again and asked politely that I ring “the other gran” so that they could “have a little chat,” which I am certain is a phrase he learned from my little chats with Lizzy and Ramona! He has spent the last two days asking about people we can call, to the point where Tom sat down last night, drew up a small list of friends and family who he has made sure will not mind getting repeated calls from a four-year-old who is not inclined towards chatter (as it happens, most of our friends and family think that this is ADORABLE, as they SHOULD), and taught Rupert how to use the phone so that he could call people himself.

Rupert has not left the phone for hours on end. He is unbelievably fascinated with it and spent most of yesterday explaining to me how he thinks it works in great detail. Tom caught wind of this (and, of course, my response, which was to treat the whole thing like improvisational theatre and add on particularly outlandish suggestions re: magical telephones) and decided to track down some informational pamphlets on how telephones REALLY work. Rupert, however, was supremely uninterested in actual science, and responded to this pamphlet by drawing up a pamphlet of his own that (according to him) is entitled “How Telephones Really Really Work.” Thomas has absolutely no idea what to do with this. (I am going to get it framed.)

[starrayblogs]

All this talk abt the audience asking for Bella to repeat herself made me think she was an airhead at first (heh, get it?) but random thoughts aside, how is her relationships with the others?

Is she well liked by the neighborhood, hated, disliked, maybe a rivalry?

hm, well she's certainly not haha! think of it like fluttershy from mlp, maybe? yes, maybe

hmm, her relationship with her neighbors are good! i do not think she is one to make rivals, nor do i think any of the neighbors inside of Home are ones too!

maybe i'd like to get into detail, such that:

i like to think Bella's relationship with Sally is something like fluttershy and rarity! rather, Bella is not shy, just a more quiet person. i think they are great friends! Bella has provided Sally with flowers for her performances more than once! she says, "i think it's nice to have such beautiful flowers in the spotlight with you."

hmm, with Poppy, i like to think her and Bella are quite the funny pair! With Poppy always worrying, and Bella almost never- it's always an interesting interaction. "are you sure these roses have no more thorns?" "yes, i'm sure" "and that these roses-" hahaha!! yes, i think they're funny

then with Eddie, well let's say they frequent with each other! there's a bouquet to be delivered to someone almost every week, i find it difficult to imagine that they have not grown to be great friends during those moments of having to interact with each other for business

oh, this is fun- Howdy, i like to think, and Bella are great great friends! maybe best friends? i posted that Julie, Frank, and Bella were to be good friends, but i think that if anything, Howdy and Bella are more often seen interacting with each other! while Bella occupies herself more with the flowers, Howdy's got the (food) plants! they both enjoy making sure that their products are the best quality and always taken care of, i like to imagine that it's a seasonal thing where they collaborate their businesses on valentines! flowers and chocolates, what a lovely time for the neighborhood!

now, with Barnaby.. hm! with Barnaby's relaxed nature and Bella's also relaxed character, i think they just both enjoy each other's company! for what it's worth, their funniest interactions always end up with Bella getting knocked out of her relaxed face hahahaha!! such that one of Barnaby's juggling balls shooting a hole right through her cloud hair or Barnaby's flower trick toy that he shocked her with, "what kind of flower is that? i've never seen that around Home!" "it's a fake flower, airhead." hehehehahahaha!!!

Bella and Frank are mostly seen interacting whenever Frank finds himself wandering close to her flower-filled grounds! maybe, a bit selfish of me (i know! im sorry), i think Frank finds her company quite enjoyable because she never really questions his frown and behavior! its always a nice talk between them whenever they're together (usually with Julie) by the flowers, watching butterflies go around

hehe, Julie and Bella, very nice pair too! Julie, always energized around the cloud, who is always there to listen! always asking "what's this flower?" "what's that flower?", but Bella is always entertaining her! in fact, Julie is the neighbor who receives the most flowers from Bella! whenever she stops by her home/shop, Bella compliments and tries to find a flower to match her dress ^^ hehe

i saved the best (and my favorite!) for last, Wally! simply, whenever Bella has a new bouquet down at his doorstep, she is graciously gifted with a painting of that same bouquet the next day at her doorstep haha! she hangs them all around her walls. actually, i find their pair quite hard to think for- but i have a feeling that they'd get along amazingly! an interaction between them i think at the top of my head is: Wally and Bella learning about flowers around Home, with Bella telling Wally the details of the plant while he sketches them! a relaxing pair, really

[panlight]

The thing that always bothered me about the NM breakup was Edward stealing Bella's things as if that would make her forget him. She isn't going to forget a year romance just because you pilfered her stuff, dude! ESPECIALLY not a romance that also included a near-death experience!

The whole thing just never really worked for me in general. Like, I get what SM was going for, and if I had read it a few years earlier when I was in my Romeo & Juliet phase, it probably WOULD have worked for me. But I was already on the older side of YA when I read it so I just kept being like "all this for a high school romance?" even though like, I understand that in-universe this was a much bigger romance than that, that it was meant to be True Love and all that. But I kept being like "you dated for like six months idk."

And the other part that just didn't work for me is when Bella was like "I lost the whole family, the whole future I'd chosen" because like:

a) very few people get the future they planned when they were 17. I don't doubt that having your plans and dreams upended was hard, but the tone of like "this is the worst thing that has literally happened to anyone" sort of rubbed me the wrong way. That quote about time passing is actually beautifully written, IMO, but the "time passes . . . even for me" part made me groan.

b) the Cullens . . . had not offered her a future at this point? Edward hadn't proposed, no one had offered to turn her. When people are like "the Cullens abandoned her!" I'm always like . . . did they? IMO no one owed her any closure except Edward and Alice. When you break up with someone (or someone breaks up with you), you . . . usually stop hanging out with their family? IDK it just didn't strike me as "abandonment" that her ex-boyfriend's family 'left' her.

c) I just didn't buy that she actually cared about any of them anyway. Like I think she liked the idea of being an immortal vampire with a big family, but as of New Moon she canonically doesn't know ANYTHING about Rosalie and Jasper (because she learns that in Eclipse), and her convo with Carlisle with the stitches feels like the first meaningful conversation she's had with him. She never seems to find out Esme's full story. If the Cullens had left but Edward had stayed, do we honestly think Bella would have cared?

And then there was just the fact that she couldn't figure out he left to protect her when it was SO OBVIOUS. And in-universe this is supposed to be about her self-esteem, how she never thought of herself as worthy of him so of course he would leave her but . . . IDK. It was just so blatantly obvious that he left to protect he from a future of either danger or blood-sucking soullessness. He left after Jasper tried to eat her; it wasn't subtle. Like yes I get her self-esteem issues but she's also supposed to be stubborn and perceptive so the fact that she couldn't figure out what was really going on until like he came back and literally explained it to her repeatedly felt weird. But that could just be me.

And then the major, major problem with all this is that Edward leaving to protect her is supposed to be this noble sacrifice he made because a human life would be so much better and more fulfilling for anyone and he wants that for her because he loves her. BUT THEN BREAKING DAWN HAPPENS and being a vampire is just rainbows and sunshine and awesomeness for Bella. Which makes you go like "why did he bother leaving in New Moon?" and "why did they bother sucking the venom out in Twilight?" It creates this conflict of like "Did Edward et al lie about how bad being a vampire is?" or "Is Bella in denial?"

Stealing the stuff is very gaslight-y, yeah. It makes her question if he was real, if any of it was real, it hurt instead of helped. But in universe it's supposed to be him wanting her to have that clean break and chance at a human life but then the over-the-top happy ending of BD makes you go, "huh?" all over again.

[lavender-at-heart]

could u do dating bella swan as a werewolf!fem!reader?<33 loved your galadriel headcanons

𝐵𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑎 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎 𝑊𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑤𝑜𝑙𝑓:

Pairing: Bella Swan x fem!werewolf!reader

Warnings: a bit angsty

Notes: tysm for the request your so sweet! Sorry this took a little while to get out btw. Requests are open and feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

- Coco ❤️

You were Jacobs cousin but spent most of your time with him and Billy rather than your family.

You had seen/met Bella once or twice but you were very little and don't remember much

But you have met Charlie Swan, he always seemed like a nice man and often invited you and your family over to watch a baseball game.

When news of the infamous Bellas moving to Forks you were relatively unfazed.

But Jacob was chomping at the bit to get to know her.

You met her the same time jacob did and it was hard to watch the two interact, but she seemed sweet(and very pretty).

Unlike your cousin you actually attended Forks high-school, it was closer to home.

You noticed Bella was a bit shy and socially awkward so you invited her into your friend group and hit it off well.

And when she started taking a interest in a certain blood sucking freak you were sure to steer her in the right direction.

And she listened to your advice

For three days.

She had said some bs about how you wouldn't be able to change her mind about seeing him so it's not worth the fight. And you gave up because you rlly wanted things to work between the two of you.

And you didn't really mind, I mean yes it was dangerous but Bella could take care of herself[and the fact that you had a real big crush on her]. You didn't mind that is until she started ditching you.

"Oh sorry y/n I can't tonight... I'm going to the movies with Edward"

Or "I promised Edward I'd study with him, can't jacob help you?"

It hurt you to say the least and Bella was so blinded by her crush for Edward she didnt even notice.

By Bellas birthday your relationship had practically withered away but you still got her a present. A handmade booksleeve in her favorite colour.

And then...the accident happened. The Cullens left Forks abruptly leaving a heartbroken Bella and a confused town.

You didn't really know what happened but according to Billy, nothing good.

And as selfish as it sounds you were glad you got to get back in touch with her.

You helped her get over her stupid breakup, reminding her that Edward didn't deserve her whatsoever.

You comforted her and let her cry in your arms

You made sure she ate well and got enough sleep

And you even made a bonfire with Jacob and your friends to burn all of Bellas photos, clothing and memories of Edward.

Things were going great until you started distancing yourself.

Making up illnesses and just flat our ignoring her seemed better than the truth, I mean you just couldn't tell her.

She thought that you were ignoring her because of how she treated you before. She felt like a jerk.

So of course when she shows up to Jacobs and demands to see you, things don't go swimmingly.

She finds out and she's...honestly not as shocked as she should have been

" look Bella I understand if you don't wanna talk to me anymore, I'm surprised you can even look at me-"

"Y/n I've already been through the whole my friend is a mythical creature thing. Besides who will I complain about the rain to?"

And then she realized she really did eff up pretty badly with you when she was dating Edward and it wasn't ok.

You were studying- or at least trying to study when you were interrupted by bella throwing rocks at your window.

You looked down onto the yard where she was standing and holding up a sign that read "I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE SAID THIS SOONER BUT WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME? p.s im sorry for being a jerk :(" And a bouquet of your favorite flowers to top it off.

You excitedly nodded and quickly got ready for a impromptu date.

You guys went to a drive in movie, sat in the back of her truck and kissed under the stars~

Ok but Bella would be really good with dates

Like hiking to some obscure spot just cuz there's pretty flowers? It's a no brainer for her

You help her cook for her dad and Charlie loves you like a seccond daughter

You read and stargaze together on her roof

You make picture albums with the camera her dad got her for her birthday.

And she constantly finds she keeps "misplacing" her sweaters and flannels

You guys are really the power couple of Forks no matter what the creepy homophobic old guys say🏋‍♂️

Your families already get along great with each other so there's really no fuss when it comes to that.

Jacob is a little miffed that you "stole" Bella from him but she reassures him that he'd never stand a chance.

You get engaged 2 years after high-school, which seems pretty early but you know you'll never ever find someone as great as bells in Forks

The wedding is small but that's the way you both wanted it

It's in her backyard, in the forest and the reception is at her house.

Ok I lokey hate her wedding dress(no shade if you like it tho!) So let's say she wore this one, it's close enough but much better(in my opinion)!

And ofc u wear whatever u want!

Bella lokey loves wolf version of you, I mean the piggyback rides are insane.

And your just so fluffy, great cuddle material.

You guys have a quiet simple life but it's never boring.

If you decide to have children I'm thanking the God's it won't be named Renesme.

You guys love to cook together and try new recipes

She eventually gets used to the rain and gloom of Forks. It seems to be growing on her tbh

Sometimes you'll be sitting on your bed watching a old movie and both of you will just sit and laugh about what life would gave been like if Edward had stayed in Forks.

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

Hey. I'm here to help you procrastinate on your fics lol. Can you do "hey, look at me..." for bechloe? Please and thanks :)

Dklsdjflkgd I am very grateful for that 😂 we can certainly do that!! 🥰💖

Hurt/Comfort Prompts

"Hey, look at me..."

Beca’s body felt like a lead weight as she lay on the deck of the yacht, wincing as she tried in vain to get up. She genuinely didn’t think he’d actually shoot her, she figured his gun was just for show, that he would wave it around a bit, maybe hit her a little, but actually shoot her?! What the hell?!

“Anyone else got any smart ideas?” Fergus sneered at the Bellas, the group of women huddling closer together, Amy struggling furiously against the goons holding her back, “No? Good. Now sit quietly while Patricia gets me the money.”

Beca grunted softly as she tried to move again, pain radiating through her as she bit her lip. It would’ve been one thing if she had been shot for running her mouth, hell her dad would never let hear the end of it if she had. But Beca had been trying to gently reason with the psychopath threatening her family.

“Look, dude, we’re just a group of acapella singers trying to relive our happiest moments together. None of us have ever hurt a fly, we just want to hang out and sing, that’s all. So, how about you just let us go, no harm no foul, and we all go back to our lives, pretend this whole thing never happened? No sense in getting yourself in trouble with the US Army right?”

God getting shot hurt... it was getting harder to breathe too, dammit this was really bad. She had to get out of here, she had to get off this boat...

“Becs?” 

Chloe. 

Beca managed to lift her head a little, her hooded gaze meeting Chloe’s frightened one. She hated seeing Chloe frightened, hated seeing the tears on her cheeks. Chloe’s fingers ran softly through her hair, Beca leaning into the touch as she swallowed thickly.

“You’re okay.” Chloe mumbled, “You’re going to be okay.”

Beca snorted a little, wincing as Chloe gently rolled her onto her back. Chloe’s sharp gasp caused Beca to look down, now acutely aware of the hole in her side and the blood pumping from it.

“Shit...” Beca groaned, “Are you sure about that Chlo?”

“Yes.” Chloe forced a smile onto her face as she moved Beca’s hair from her face, “You’re going to be fine, because I said so okay?”

“Kay.” Beca smirked a little, “W-whatever you say Beale.”

The click of a gun safety made the world unbearably still for a moment as Chloe’s eyes widened in fear. She slowly raised her hands away from where she had been pressing her jacket into Beca’s wound, Fergus pressing the barrel of his gun hard into the back of her head.

“What do you think you’re doing sunshine?” Fergus growled, Beca helpless to do anything to help Chloe as she watched him terrorise her.

“I’m just trying to keep her alive.” How Chloe was managing to keep her voice level right now, Beca had no idea, but she was more in awe of her than usual, “I don’t care about the rest of this, about your money, about the fact you kidnapped us alright? I just want to make sure that Beca gets through this, you don’t really want to add murder to your list of charges from tonight do you?”

There was a tense moment as Fergus held his gun steady, Chloe’s eyes fixed on Beca’s as she gave her a soft smile in an attempt to reassure her. 

“Fine.” 

Chloe’s shoulders sagged a little in relief as the gun was removed, holding her jacket against Beca again. Beca grunted as the sudden pressure caused everything to throb anew, panting a little through her nose.

“The minute there’s any funny business, we’re going to have a problem.” Fergus turned his back on them as he returned to Amy who was currently trying to find a way to get the money transferred from the Cayman islands, no longer caring about standing up to her father. Her family was in danger, that was all that mattered.

“How can we help?” Aubrey’s jaw was clenched tight against the panic welling inside her as she put her energy into helping Beca.

“I need bandages...” Chloe sighed softly, “But um, if one of you guys has a cardigan or something I can tear up that will do.”

“Here.” Aubrey pulled off her jumper without a second thought, shivering a little as the cold night air hit her now exposed skin.

Emily quickly shrugged off her jacket and insistently wrapped it around Aubrey before she could argue with her. There was no sense in Aubrey freezing to death because she’d helped Beca.

Chloe made quick work of making bandages from Aubrey’s jumper, Ashley holding Chloe’s jacket in place as she did. The Bellas were crowded around Beca in a worried circle as Beca herself fought to stay conscious. She looked to Chloe again, her hand softly reaching out for hers as Chloe tightened the makeshift bandages around her waist.

“Thanks.” Beca whispered, managing a small smile as Chloe’s eyes flicked up from her wound to meet hers, “You always take such good care of me Chlo...”

Beca’s eyelids felt heavy as she felt Chloe’s other hand cup her cheek.

"Hey, look at me..." Chloe prompted her gently, tears making her eyes sparkle even brighter as she caressed Beca’s cheek, “You have to stay awake for me Beca okay? We’ll be out of here soon, just a little longer.”

“I- I love you.” Beca didn’t care who else was listening right now, there was only a small window left to tell Chloe how she felt, “I should’ve said something sooner...”

Chloe grinned tearfully at Beca, gripping her hand tightly in hers, “I love you too. We have plenty of time Becs, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

Beca lifted her other hand to grab the front of Chloe’s top, pulling her closer until their foreheads rested together, “I’m scared Chlo...” Beca’s voice was wobbling a little as a stray tear slipped down her cheek.

“I know.” Chloe continued to stroke her cheek as she sniffed softly, “I know. Me too... but we’ll be okay. Just a little longer baby I promise.”

Beca whimpered in pain as Chloe shifted their positions until Beca’s head was in her lap. She ran her fingers through Beca’s hair in a slow rhythm, heart pounding in her chest as she cradled her, never taking her eyes off Beca for a second.

“I’ve got you Beca. You’re okay.” 

Beca could feel herself slipping away, fighting desperately against the heavy weight of sleep trying to drag her under her. Chloe was right, it would just be a little bit longer. A little longer and then she and Chloe could be together. A little longer and they’d all be safe again. 

“I’m cold...” Beca sighed softly, grimacing as she moved closer to Chloe, “And tired...”

Chloe sucked in a shuddery breath as she forced another smile onto her face, “Not much longer Beca. I know you’re in pain, not much longer...”

“Here girl, I’m too warm anyway.” Cynthia-Rose gently draped her jacket over the now shivering Beca, Chloe giving her a grateful look.

“Thanks.” Beca could barely be heard as she sank deeper into Chloe’s arms, “M’trying Chloe... it’s hard...”

“You’re doing so well.” Chloe kissed Beca’s forehead, tears running down her cheeks, “You can do this Beca, c’mon.”

“M’sorry...” Beca murmured, the last thing she registered before she passed out being the soft way in which Chloe’s lips pressed against her temple.

-----

Chloe sat with her head in her hands, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. It had been a long twenty four hours since the army had pulled them from the yacht and Beca had been out of her arms for almost all of them. She hated this, she hated sitting and waiting for someone to tell her that Beca was going to be okay. When she had passed out Chloe had tried everything to get her to wake up again, even as the sound of helicopter blades thundered overhead. Help might be here, but Chloe still had to make sure that Beca was okay.

“Hey.” 

Aubrey sat next to Chloe, handing her a coffee that she had fetched her from the cafeteria.

“Any news?”

“No.” Chloe shook her head a little, sniffing as she managed a small smile for Aubrey, “No nothing. I hate this.”

“Me too.” Aubrey sighed softly, “She’ll be okay though. This is Beca ‘effin Mitchell we’re talking about.”

Chloe giggled softly as she let her head rest on Aubrey’s shoulder, “She told me she loved me Bree... after so long she actually said it. And now she might- she might-”

“It’s okay.” Aubrey wrapped her arm around Chloe’s shoulders, frowning softly as she hugged her, “You’ll have time. It’s what the two of you deserve. You’ll have time.”

“I’m looking for family of Beca Mitchell?”

Chloe’s head whipped around as a doctor approached them, wiping hastily at the tears on her cheeks, “That’s us, is she okay? Can I see her?”

“She’s okay.” The doctor nodded, smiling warmly as Chloe sagged in relief, “It was touch and go for a little while there, but she pulled through. Your girl’s a fighter.”

“You’ve no idea.” Aubrey chuckled tearfully, Chloe shaking and speechless as she hugged her, “So can we see her?”

“One at a time.” The doctor nodded, “She’s exhausted. She’s been asking for Chloe?”

“That’s me.” Chloe mumbled, “I’m Chloe. Is it okay if I-?”

Chloe turned to Aubrey who silenced her with a gentle shake of her head.

“Go. I’ll tell the Bellas she’s okay.”

Chloe moved quickly as she followed the doctor, practically throwing the door to Beca’s hospital room open. Beca looked a little startled but a soft grin quickly spread across her face as she saw Chloe in the doorway.

“Hey.” Beca croaked, wincing a little as Chloe all but dive onto her bed and wrapped her tightly into her arms, sobbing into her shoulder. Beca frowned a little as she lifted her arms to rest around Chloe, turning her head a little so she could kiss her temple.

“Hey... it’s okay weirdo. I’m fine, just like you said I would be.”

“I love you.” Chloe wept into the crook of her neck, “God, I was so scared Beca... I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Beca kissed her head again, exhaustion pushed aside as all her attention went into comforting Chloe, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know.” Chloe sniffled, “I’m really glad you’re okay Becs.”

“Me too Chlo.” Beca mumbled into her hair, “I’d’ve been really mad if I’d died before I got to kiss you.”

Chloe giggled as she lifted her head to look at Beca, stroking her cheek with her thumb again as she moved herself from on top of her to next to her, forehead resting against Beca’s.

“I wouldn’t have been happy either...” Chloe gently nudged Beca’s nose with hers, “I’ve waited a long time to kiss you Mitchell.”

Beca grunted a little as she rolled onto her side, fingers running into Chloe’s hair as she ignored the pain that radiated in her side, “You’re such a weirdo...”

Beca closed the gap between them as she pressed her lips into Chloe’s. It was softer than she wanted it to be, but getting shot had put a dampener on her stamina so this would have to do. Still, it was perfect, it was right, it was something she should have done far sooner than this.

“I love you.” Beca whispered as she pulled back a little, “When we get back to New York, I’m taking you on a really fancy date and we’re getting our own place... no way I’m sharing with Amy anymore.”

“I love you too.” Chloe giggled again, kissing Beca’s cheek, “But I don’t need fancy dinners or anything else... I just need you.”

“Dork.” Beca grinned, snuggling into Chloe’s arms as she sighed happily, “Kinda glad I got shot now... I got everything I ever wanted because of it.”

“Too soon Beca.” Chloe chided her, but there was a note of humour in her tone, “Way too soon...”

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I know shipping asks are annoying, but I am genuinely curious about your reaction, so... James dies. Lily survives. Harry survives. Remus comes to help his friend's widow with her child. Do they work romantically? (Side-note, I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way, but these asks kind of do feel like a game where we're trying to figure out happy endings based on pre-set parameters ((your other answers)) and I for one enjoy it immensely.) Thanks for the blog!

You're totally spot on, that's exactly what your guys' asks feel like. Twilight's got it worse though, as they try to find the golden path of "Edward doesn't eat Bella", surprisingly difficult that.

But with that, onto your questions.

The Usual Caveats

First, I don't think Remus would come.

Yes, Lily is now on her own, but Remus' was James' friend. He and Lily were tied together through that and little more, now that James himself is dead, there's not much tying them together beyond a mutual grief that--I'm not sure Remus would want to share with her.

More, in this universe, Sirius is presumably not imprisoned as Lily is alive to vouch for him very loudly. I imagine he'd glue himself to Lily and Harry out of devotion to James' and his promise to be Godfather. There's no place for Remus in that house.

Especially as they thought Remus was a spy.

Just because Peter did betray them does not mean Remus himself was not a spy or was in the clear. There's no rule saying that Voldemort cannot have multiple moles, all it means was that he also got to Peter who they happened to have made secret keeper. Remus, as a werewolf, has no reason to side with the ministry other than that his good friends happen to be fighting for it.

After what happened, especially with Sirius hanging around, I can't imagine Remus would be trusted. Perhaps he'd be allowed around once in a while but it would be... tense, for lack of a better phrase.

But Alright, Let's Write Your Fanfic

In this universe we'll say that Sirius is also dead, he died in the muggle explosion Peter made. Perhaps Peter died as well or perhaps he was caught or perhaps he's on the run. He's likely a fugitive in this world as Lily shouts from the rooftops that Peter was the secret keeper and not Sirius.

Sirius gets a funeral with honors.

Remus now lives in a world much like canon for him: his closest friends are dead, with the werewolf incident now forever unresolved as Sirius is now dead, Peter betrayed Lily and James for no reason that Remus can comprehend, and Remus with his lycanthropy that always had him suspected is all that remains.

... I still think Remus would bail, he did in canon, after all. He's mired in grief, he's chronically ill and not only that dangerous, and there's very little he can do for Lily as he has no means of employment, has to watch himself once a month with a potion he can't afford, and she was not his friend.

In canon he wants very little to do with Harry Potter. Harry only finds out Remus' history with his parents by chance and later in the series Remus... never goes out of his way to interact with Harry. It was always Sirius who wanted far more engagement in Harry's life.

So, Remus out.

BUT IF HE STAYS ANYWAY

Alright, alright. Well, they'd have issues.

Remus has no means of employment in Britain. We don't see much of it but the idea I've always gotten from canon is that being a werewolf is like those yellow papers in Les Mis, it automatically denies him employment wherever he chooses to go. That he got the Defense position was solely because of Dumbledore and because Dumbledore lied about Remus' condition.

Remus was not supposed to have that job and afterwards we never see him with a legitimate job again.

He has no income.

Now, this is fine, Lily doesn't need it as James' did have money. She can survive for a while and if need be go work herself (though as a single mother, in the wizarding world that always struck me as some level of misogynistic, this will be very very very hard).

So... what's Remus doing to help?

Well, he can baby sit. And that works for... a bit, but Remus gets extremely ill every month. It's not just on the night of the full moon either, in canon it's noted that as the full moon approaches Remus will become increasingly ill.

He's not going to be in any state to take care of Harry.

And if he forgets his potion, which he has done in canon... He should not be around a baby/children then and he knows it. Remus knows very well that there are reasons he cannot integrate in society. Lycanthropy has ruined his life.

Basically, what I'm getting at is that he's dead weight, he knows it, Lily knows it, and he wasn't even friends with her and what he did through most of school was stand to the side as his friends tormented her best friend.

James was what held them together and now James is dead.

And the ghost of James will haunt their relationship, such that I imagine Remus will never make a move on her as that would be to betray him in death. Not to mention that Lupin having kids has him panicking in canon, as it should, and that while he did go for Tonks, I think romantic relationships to him are terrifying.

[sirenascales]

-> double black [part six] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

The case is concluded and Chuuya collects his prize. [Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai]

3,461 words

warning: mentions of violence, murder, nsfw, smut, slight voyeurism

note: so i lied, there is one more part, which will be nothing but smut so be excited for that hehe

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || Masterlist

My ability is called Hell Hath No Fury and it gives me the ability to make a perfect clone of myself that is fueled by the anger, rage, pain and despair that dwells inside of me, and has been inside of me since I was small. The anger isn't something that's just there, I've been through a lot of things in my life that left my weary soul full of the negative emotions that powers my clone. I don't particularly like using my clone, as she could be quite scary. Like anger and hatred, she could be very hard to control sometimes.

"She is quite scary, huh?" Dazai hummed, voice full of humor as I told him about my ability, us now back at the ADA. I sat at my desk, shoulders slumped. "Took me by surprise~"

I laughed softly at him, shaking my head as I read the official report that was written at the conclusion of the Taichi investigation. There was an unreadable look on my face as I read through the text, Dazai swaying his chair from side to side beside me.

"It says that Taichi was killed by the drug dealer..." I repeated, grimacing as I recalled Chuuya shooting the same man right in his head. "I don't... know how to feel about this."

I was the one who killed Taichi, yet here I was, sitting at my desk in the ADA office with no consequences coming my way. Further reports say that the drug dealer soon met his own demise due to the retribution from the Port Mafia, which wasn't an exact lie.

"Just go along with it, Bella. The only ones who know the truth are-"

"I can't believe you would do something so... incredibly stupid." I winced as soon as Kunikida started barreling down on me, sighing as he continued to lecture me.

Of course, we had to tell Fukuzawa, as well as the rest of the core members of the ADA what happened. It was only fair, considering we had to make sure the story was solid. It was rather nerve wracking to say the least, and in total me fashion, I had cried right in front of the President.

I thought I would get fired, but all I got was a week's suspension. "Get some rest," Fukuzawa said to me, leaning back in his chair. "You're going to need it." I nodded my head, standing up and bowing to him quickly before I left his office.

"I guess I'll see you guys soon," I said to the others, holding my bag full of belongings in my hands. I gave them all one last wave before walking out of the office, aware of Dazai following behind me. As always, I chose to walk down the stairs, only going down two flights before I turned on my heel, dropping my bag and wrapping my arms tight around the taller man.

"Oof," Dazai gasped out before he wrapped his arms around me, chuckling a bit as he gave me a squeeze. "It's not like you'll be gone forever."

I sighed, keeping my face pressed against his chest. "I know. I think all the adrenaline from... everything finally left and now I honestly feel like shit. I'm so tired, Osamu."

"... would you like me to come with you?" Dazai asked and I shook my head, giving him a playful, scolding look.

"You need to finish that report, you lazy bastard," I replied, Dazai already whining and I rolled my eyes. "Call me later?"

Dazai stopped whining, gently cupping my face with his hand. He leaned in and kissed me, stealing my breath away as he always had. He smirked at my flushed face, stepping back. "Yeah. Now go."

I left him by the stairs, making my way back to my apartment. Now that I had a week off, I wasn't sure what I should do. I guess doing was Fukuzawa said and just resting would be a good thing, seeing as I was tired, both physically and emotionally.

But even as I try to sleep, I find myself tossing and turning, waking up every hour. I slumped on my back, letting out a frustrated breath as I stared at the ceiling.

"You know, bella... you're disrupting my beauty sleep," Dazai spoke from beside me and I rolled my eyes, huffing out a breath. Dazai chuckled softly, laying one arm under his head while the other rested over his tummy. "This will pass in time."

I sighed softly. "It's weird... I don't regret it."

"But you still took a life."

"Did you feel this way when you first killed someone?"

"... I honestly don't remember. When you're surrounded by nothing but darkness and carnage for a long time, stuff like that is nothing to be concerned about."

I frowned. "When you were in the Port Mafia... you were partners with Chuuya, right?"

"Like I said, we were the best~" Dazai sang and I smiled softly.

"Just imagining the two of you fighting together is kinda scary..."

"Well, when you have someone like Chuuya and the youngest executive in Port Mafia history, yeah, we were pretty scary!"

I choked. "You were an executive?!" I exclaimed in shock. I thought about Chuuya, and how he worked alongside the Leader of the Port Mafia himself. Dazai was that powerful? And with someone like Chuuya...?

"That's..."

"Terrifying?"

"Hot."

Dazai sputtered, bursting out into a fit of laughter. "You like dangerous men?"

I grinned widely, finally turning to cuddle against him. "Blame it on the daddy issues," I answered, making him snort. "Why did you leave?"

"You should try to get some sleep," Dazai replied, changing the subject and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, though I won't be surprised if I can't," I mumbled unhappily, shifting a bit to get comfortable. I closed my eyes, hearing Dazai chuckled softly as I started to doze off.

Unsurprisingly, I slept like shit that night, my eyes were sore, the bags under my eyes puffy and dark. I groaned, waving Dazai goodbye tiredly as he left in the morning, heading to work after I scolded him for trying to sleep in and skip work.

The door closed behind him and I let myself fall back on my couch, just staring into nothing for a while before I grabbed my phone, pressing on Keiko's contact and calling her. She didn't answer.

After pressing the button on the side of her phone to end the incoming call, Keiko sighed nervously as she approached the man sitting in the desk before her, hands shaking as she placed down a large, thick envelope.

"Here you go. That's all of it," she said softly, quickly withdrawing her hands away and clasping them together against her chest.

Chuuya watched her carefully, noticing just how scared and timid Keiko was acting, and he honestly didn't blame her, not after what she's been through, and especially how Taichi continued to throw her under the bus, even after his death.

"I swear... I had nothing to do with what he was doing..." her voice trembled and Chuuya sighed deeply. He dug into his drawer, producing a cigarette for both himself and Keiko. She allowed him to light hers for her and there was a silence as they each took a drag.

"I believe you," Chuuya started, leaning back in his seat. "He used your name to open that offshore account and the safety deposit box, making sure not to have this all trail back to him." Keiko hung her head and Chuuya thought back to when he first saw her. She was way more outgoing and cheerful, and admittingly had a very sensual, attractive aura that even he himself would be into if she hadn't been with Taichi.

It was a shame to see that all gone, all because of one coward. It pissed Chuuya off immensely. She was essentially betrayed by someone she trusted, and Chuuya could relate to that all too well.

"But, everything is finally coming to a close with all the money Taichi stole from us coming back. Don't worry, Keiko, our investigation makes it more than clear that you are innocent in this. You have nothing to worry about," Chuuya said, but Keiko still looked troubled. She said my name softly and he looked at her questionably.

"What about her...?" she asked softly. "Is she clear?"

"You did see the official report, right?" Chuuya replied in turn, taking another drag from his cigarette. Keiko nodded silently. "It wasn't that hard to form the story. There was at least some truth to it. The drug dealer was as good as dead... as well as Taichi. She just beat us to it. We can let this slide."

Keiko sighed in relief, taking another drag from her own cigarette. "That's a relief... I was worried about what would happen to her."

"Nothing," Chuuya answered. "And we will be keeping an eye on her for a while too."

Keiko nodded in understanding. "I'm still worried about her, though. She's been having a hard time sleeping and I'm sure it's just... everything finally getting to her..." Keiko sighed deeply, rubbing her eyebrows. "But I don't know what to do... she's in this mess because of me, I wanna help her but I don't even know how to help myself!"

"And that should be your main focus right now," Chuuya spoke, crossing his arms over his chest. "Don't worry about her. I'll take care of her."

"But why?" Keiko questioned. "It's not like you care about her. Or love her."

Chuuya rolled his eyes. "There's no love there, but she's... fun."

Keiko snorted at that. "She's not one for love and relationships. I guess that's why she's involved with you, and Dazai. There's a mutual understanding there, and I guess if it works for you guys, then it's okay. But-"

Chuuya quirked an eyebrow. "But?"

"She's still sensitive. She wears her heart on her sleeve, so even if there really is no love here, I'm sure she still cares for you guys. That's just how she is. So I ask... just don't hurt her. That's all. If it all ends... just make sure she doesn't get hurt." Keiko clenched her fists. "I don't know what I'll do to you if she does."

Chuuya just stared at her, pleasantly surprised. He let out a short laugh. "Are you threatening me?"

"Yes."

Chuuya grinned, laughing again as he shook his head. The loyalty in this friendship was honestly a sight to see. It was refreshing. "I don't usually respond well to threats, so I'll let this slide. You've done all you can do, so you can head on home if you want. If you're lucky, we won't see each other again."

"Well, if you're still seeing my best friend, we probably will," Keiko said, standing up, feeling a little less nervous. "Goodbye, Chuuya. Stay safe out there."

Chuuya nodded. "I hope you can heal and become your old self again. It's sad to not see that pretty smile on your face."

Keiko blushed brightly. "Shameless flirt," she shot at him playfully, turning away from him to leave. Chuuya laughed loudly from his desk.

"So, are you okay now?" I asked Keiko over the phone, her telling me about her meeting with Chuuya. She first apologized for ignoring my call, but it didn't bother me that much. I was only glad that she was doing okay.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Gonna spend the rest of the day home and figure out what to do."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well... I'm thinking of going away for a while. Maybe for six months... just to heal and find myself again."

"Six months?! What about your job?"

"I quit. I want to start my life over again, but I love Yokohama, so I figured... I can get another job when I come back! I'm gonna sell my condo too!"

I was stunned. "I... but where do you plan on even going?!"

"Hm... maybe Europe? I'm not sure yet. Are you... okay with me leaving?"

"Of course! I support you with everything you do in your life. I just want you to be safe and okay..."

"I'm glad. I'm pretty determined, but don't worry! I will always come home!"

Keiko and I talked for a while after that, a smile on my face as we ended the call. I was happy to see that Keiko was trying to turn her life around, proud of her for being so strong. It was rather inspiring, and helped me to gain my own strength to get my shit together as well.

The day went on, and I was in the kitchen making an early dinner when there was a knock on my door. I was annoyed, thinking it was Dazai flaking out on work again, but as I opened my door, I was surprised to see a certain red head at my door.

"Chuuya?"

"Wow. You look like shit."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, turning and walking back into my kitchen, Chuuya following behind me.

"Gee, thanks."

"What are you doing?"

"Cooking an early dinner. You want some?"

"Yeah, sure."

It wasn't long until Chuuya and I sat across from each other, chowing down on some food and filling our bellies.

"So, what's up?" I asked him, drinking some water. Chuuya was still stuffing his face, almost choking at one point before he downed his glass of water to save himself.

"Well," Chuuya coughed. "I came here to collect my prize."

I blinked. "Your prize? What are- oh," I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. That stupid race Dazai proposed. Chuuya was the one who figured it all out first, and I was the prize for the lucky winner. "So, you wanna have sex later then? I'm cool with that."

Chuuya scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "No. Well, yes, but no. Not yet. I'm taking you somewhere."

I raised my eyebrows. "Where?"

"Shut up and don't worry about it. You'll see when you get there."

I narrowed my eyes at him, just wondering what the fuck he was up to. What could it possibly be that he wouldn't tell me what his plan was? It was rather suspicious and I began to grow wary.

But we finished eating and Chuuya didn't even give me a chance to pack before he dragged me out of my apartment. I managed to get my keys, phone and purse, and I gave him the stink eye the entire time I was stuck in the backseat of a fancy car with him.

"Are you having me killed?"

"I will if you don't shut up."

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest as Chuuya took me to my supposed doom. But we arrived at our destination, and I was extremely confused as I looked up at the rather luxurious hotel. I didn't get the chance to question it, Chuuya leading me inside. We were immediately greeted by the hotel attendants, and led to the elevator. We rode it all the way to the top floor, the attendant leaving us alone as the doors opened and we walked out into the hallway.

"Chuuya..." I let out a small breath as he led me inside the penthouse, my jaw dropping as I took my first look at the very luxurious space. "What is this?"

"Keiko told me you were having a rough time," Chuuya spoke, taking off his hat and then his jacket, hanging them up carefully. "I figured this would help you. Full body massages, jacuzzi, anything you could ever want to just... relax. It's all here."

"But... Chuuya, you didn't have to," I whispered, still in awe with my face heated up.

"Well, just deal with it," Chuuya huffed.

"Isn't this expensive though?"

"It's nothing. Just... think about this as my prize. Taking care of you."

Now my face was burning hot, Chuuya's own flushed red. I gave him a look, his words making me smile a bit despite how flustered they made me.

"You sound like a sugar daddy."

He didn't respond. That made me giggle. "How long will we be here."

"For the week, until you get back to work."

"But how did you..." I trailed off, gasping when Chuuya gave me a light push further into the penthouse.

It was an amazing, large open area space with a full kitchen, all the top appliances, a flat screen and a huge king size bed. The bathroom was just as fabulous, the large soaker tub calling my name.

"Oh, I need to get in that," I declared, making Chuuya laugh lightly. He watched as I looked around the bathroom, taking it upon himself to start filling up the tub. I turned to him and smirked. "Will you join me?"

"Like you have to ask that."

After finding a nice smelling bath bomb to put in the tub, Chuuya and I undressed and carefully climbed inside, sighing blissfully as the hot water immediately began to relax our muscles. I sat between Chuuya's legs, my back against his chest and my head resting against his shoulder. My eyes were closed, Chuuya's strong hands roaming all over my body.

"Tired?" Chuuya asked me softly and I sighed, nodding my head.

"Yeah... like Keiko said, I've been having a shit time sleeping," I answered, turning my head to lightly kiss Chuuya's jaw lightly. "But maybe a relaxing massage would help. Oh, but it's kinda late, huh? The masseuse would be gone by now."

Chuuya's hands continue to roam my body, one moving south. I let out a deep sigh when he began to rub circles on my clit.

"Yeah... but I can think of other ways to make you sleep," Chuuya whispered in my ear before he bit into my earlobe. I sigh again, Chuuya then capturing my lips with his own.

After making me cum on his fingers in the tub, we finished up in there before we found ourselves tangled up in the sheets of the king sized bed. Chuuya had my legs thrown over his shoulders, his cock plunging deep into me with every thrust he made.

"You're mine..." Chuuya breathed out, hissing and moaning from the pleasure. "... for the entire week... gonna make sure the only name you know is mine." He growled, clenching the sheets on either side of me tightly in his fists.

"Oh, yes, yes yes!" I cried out, back arching off my bed, eyes going wide as a voice that was not Chuuya's spoke up.

"Oh, that's just cute."

Whipping our heads around, we were shocked to see a certain detective standing at the foot of the bed, lecherous grin on his pretty face. We froze, Chuuya's cock still inside me, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Dazai?!" I shrieked.

"How the fuck did you get in here?!" Chuuya followed, glaring at the man. "What the hell?!"

"You can't hide things from me~" Dazai sang, not even hiding the fact that he was enjoying what he was seeing, his eyes slowly trailing over both of our naked bodies. "I was wondering why you called me to ask about her schedule... so I did some digging."

Chuuya hung his head, gritting his teeth in annoyance. "I am going to kill you."

Dazai laughed heartily, waving his hand dismissively. "No, no! Don't let me disturb you! I can watch! You guys were having so much fun!"

Before Chuuya could even react, he ended up groaning, his wide blue eyes finding mine. "Did you... fucking like that?" he asked and I stuttered a bit. "Do you want him to watch us?"

Another chill went down my spine at the thought and Chuuya groaned again as I clenched tightly around him. Chuuya cursed, feeling his cock twitch inside of me. He cursed again, becoming more overcome with arousal.

"Interesting," he breathed out, small puffs of air hitting my face. He smirked slightly, glancing back at Dazai. "This brings back memories."

"Fond memories," Dazai hummed and I looked back and forth between the two of them questionably.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Both of their eyes were now on me, and the intensity of their gazes made me gasp sharply, another chill going down my spine.

"Why have him just watch," Chuuya began, nuzzling his face against my neck. "When he can join us? Oh, fuck, you squeezed me so tightly just now..."

I trembled, heart hammering in my chest at the mere idea. A threesome? With Chuuya and Dazai. Looking over, I catch Dazai slipping off his tan jacket, gulping as he started to work on getting his shirt off.

"We have a week, right? Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

-End

[quarthly]

Twilight characters as random animals that I think are oddly fitting

(Also yes, I am roasting the animals as well)

Edward: He would be a Cheetah. Now I know, seems like a cop out just because of his speed but hear me out. Cheetahs are, at face value, pretty cool. They used to be my favorite animal as a child, but then I grew up.

Cheetahs, through no fault of their own, are severely inbred. Now thats mainly because of poaching, but the cheetas anxiety also comes into play. In captivity, cheetahs are usually given emotional support dogs. I will admit it is cute but it negatively affects the population. Excluding one in the wild, cheetas can be to anxious to breed and thats not good for conservation efforts.

Cheetahs can hit up to 80 miles per hour in a couple of seconds. They are designed for fast running and agility. Their claws are similar to that of a dogs for better traction and they have elongated spines for longer strides. They have a thin build, long legs and a long tail for balance.

This has downsides though. Many times after making a kill, it will get stolen for them by larger predators. Thats right, they get absolutely bodied by the other animals. I should probably make these shorter but I'm on a rant now, so I guess this will be semi educational.

Throughout the series, we see Edward over estimated his abilities and value, constantly getting bodied by others. He's essentially a perfect mormon, though thats on S'meyers. He constantly judges others, dehumanizing them to their baser flaws, without doing any self reflecting. Him viewing himself as a monster doesn't really count to me. While he definitely hates himself, the only thing he is truly demonizing is being a vampire.

Bella: Picking up from Edwards, Bella is a Chocolate Labrador. Yes, she is his therapy dog. I feel like this is really fitting for her. I know Golden retriever would make more sense, as thats the most common breed for service animals. However, I kind of focused on her appearance. Only at first though! I just know that Edward raved about her human qualities and that would pass over as animals as well. Her chocolate eyes and brown fur, very average and boring. Thats essentially Bella. Even Edward wasn't into her until he got a wiff. Labradors a very loyal dogs and while they have more personality than Bella, I just couldn't shake it. Their also very stupid. Ok that's kind of mean, they're not stupid but when it comes to love, then yeah they are stupid.

I used to have a lab, loved him to death, but god he was something else. Very much danger prone, from their own stupidity or their lack of survival instincts. I know that labs are almost aquatic. They love water, swimming, all that jazz. We can just say that bella has a few screws loose in her dna and is just "not like other labs."

Rosalie: Now she was hard. There are quite a few animals that I think would fit for her. I'll list the other ones, but that one I went with is the Swan. Like Edward, seems a little on the nose, but I have my reasoning.

I was going to pick a predator for her, as she is shown to be very vengeful and viscous. I would have pick some type of cat, most likely a purebred, from a rich family. It could still work, but the swan just speaks to me on this one.

Swan's are known for being beautiful, graceful, and are pictured as the symbol of love. They are also very vain. Edward constantly brings up Rosalies vanity. She was constantly valued for her beauty as a human, so of course that crossed over in the transformation. She was raised to be married into wealth, she was used as a bargaining chip to increase the family's standing.

Rose has a very strong character and makes her opinions known. She's assertive and aggressive at times. She's not afraid to get dirty.

Swans mate for life and like geese, are known for being great parents. I was also going to choose geese as an option for the maternal instincts. I was wary at first because swans can be really aggressive. Like actually, you think geece are bad? Yikes bestie...

I was conflicted because swans are known for drowning dogs and sometimes people. However, I can actually see Rose drowning Bella. It's not that unbelievable lmao.

Emmett: Now this one is just ironic. I only associate him with bears. Its inevitable, but picking a Grizzly or Black bear is too obvious. So I went a slightly different route...

So I was going to pick the Sun bear just because of looks alone. Like, I'm not exaggerating, it looks like someone wearing a bear costume. I don't think it fits him but I know for a fact that he would dress up as a sun bear and sneak into a zoo to see if anyone would notice. I'll put a pic of it here

Like look at this thing. I have no words...

Anyway, what I picked was a Sloth Bear. Now Sloth bears are mostly nocturnal, which either way works consider vamps don't sleep. Their diet is also odd but honestly so is the cullens. They're native to the Indian subcontinent, and are known for being aggressive towards humans. Its said that for the most part they're pretty calm, so I think its just fear of humans that make them act aggressively. Honestly, that's a good thing because they are listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red list.

They have some similarities with sloths, which is where they get the name. They have long claws and unusual teeth. They are known to hang upside down from tree branches, and is described as having a messy appearance. Honestly, Emmitt has a messy personality. Sorry bestie but you're a lot of work.

Now heres the biggest reason for choosing this bear. Aside from Baloo from the jungle book being a sloth bear, they are known to run fades with Tigers. Honestly, how fucking badass is that!? Now I don't think there are recorded instances of a Sloth bear killing a Tiger, but when push comes to shove, they can hold their own and I find that incredibly impressive.

Carlisle: This one was somehow the easiest as well as the toughest. I know Owl seems like the obvious choice, and I can see it. However, I believe Carlisle values emotional intelligence as much or if not more than academic intelligence. He is so charismatic and values other's above himself. He might not be as Saint like as Edward thinks, but he does try and I think he genuinely cares about others. For that reason alone, I choose a Elephant.

Elephant's are very social animals and are extremely intelligent. I could rave about them for ages, I love them so much.

Now elephants live in a familial unit and are usually matriarchal. Bulls usually are on the outer edges of the herd or form little groups with other males. Honestly, they're not that bad aside from when their in musk.

In the group of males, the elder ones will teach the younger where to get the best food, water, how to use things as tools, and every other thing that will increase their odds of survival. This is really cute to me tbh, they do this because the females usually choose the older males because they've proved that they are intelligent and strong, that they have survived and will continue to for awhile. Teaching the younger males these things are to make the odds of them getting chosen to mate more likely. The whole unit just reminds me of a father that has to deal with rowdy teens.

Carlisle likes to take in strays, he might not have a herd but he will make one and teach them to thrive. That's how he envisions it anyway. He just has a found family and is trying his best.

Esme: Now this might seem like an insult, but I promise it's not! This is in no way misogynistic. I love cattle and ever since I took animal science in highschool, I have appreciated these grass puppies like they deserve. Call me Castro because I love cows.

Yup! I chose a Cow for her. Specifically a beef cow. That might sound weird but its because beef cows have higher maternal instinct than dairy cows. I'm thinking Scottish Highland based on vibes alone.

They are nicknamed the Gentle Giants of Scotland. Super maternal and sweet and ugh look how cute they are!

Esme came from a abusive marriage and had just lost her child, she was depressed and desperate. Her changing was, in a way, salvation. She just fits in. She adopts all these strays along with him and will protect them to the death. She might be gentle by nature, but don't fuck with her family. She lost her first one and she isn't going to lose this one.

Alice: She's an odd one. There are so many possibilities and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like she would be a Crow.

Ok listen, I'm definitely biased but it just feels right. Crows get a bad rap, they are so cool! They are so intelligent and have the ability to actually sit and think about the past, prest, and future. I forget what its called, but this was only seem in humans! Maybe other apes, I can't remember exactly, but either way its awesome. They do live in groups, or murders, and remember people and faces. They remember locations and are able to pass down information through generations. They essentially have their own language! They are able to use tools too!

Alice's story is really sad. When we first meets her, it revolves around the death of her mother and her institutionalized. She was essentially tortured and forgot everything from her past. All she had was the future and even that wasn't constant. Crows a often viewed as omens, they are associated with death. I personally believe that instead of being the cause, they just know something is going to happen. They are very inquisitive and can be creative.

If you befriend a murder of crows, sometimes, depends or the group, they will bring gifts. Its can range from food to shiny metals and colorful plastic. Hell, I think I've seen a post of one stealing things from people just to gift it to their human.

Alice's love language is gifts. Even if they are focused around fashion, she still goes out of her way to get something that will look good and at least be a little comfortable. By that I mean she tends to forget peoples comfort zones, but she means well.

Jasper: Honestly not to sure what to put for him. I know a predator would be more fitting, but for some reason I can see a donkey working. I know, seems like I'm clowning on the confederate. Fair, but I'm serious about the donkey thing. Honestly, it would be perfect if it wasn't a herbivore. Porcupine would also work.

Being a predator would make more sense. Given his backstory and his characterization, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a prey animal. Usually I wouldn't count this, but given his gore filled past and trouble with the diet, it seemed fitting.

I see him as a Big Cat. Honestly, vamps in general just give cat vibes. Jasper though especially have some cat like qualities, which originates from hunting and being a soldier.

I specifically see him as a Mountain Lion. Aside from him being blonde, he just has the predatory stealth to him. In midnight sun, we see him use his gift to make the nomads overlook him. He's honestly really powerful.

Mountain lions are known for being stealthy with an air of grace and power to them. They are stong animals. And I mean strong. They can jump 40-45 feet.

They're very elusive and quite. They stalk their prey and tend to attack from behind but don't think they won't hold their ground if need be.

Jasper was changed during the Civil War and forced to fight in the Newborn wars. He was a soldier as a human and as a vampire. He's able to feel and manipulate others emotions. He's covered in scars and is very intimidating.

He still struggles with the diet and honestly I hate how the others handle it. Like they have no room to talk. I don't want to defend the confederate but it just pisses me off. He has to deal with his hunger on top of everyone else's. Like damn, besties always on edge! Everyone doubts him which I don't think helps any.

Also, Mountain lions and Cheetahs can purr!

@aquanova99 I'll do a Volturi one too. That one will be fun lmao