#yes i'm projecting my feelings onto dean what about it

[angelsdean]

dean's "you consider changing up your duds there?" at cas is bc he too was over the god-awful short trench coat

[scoobydoodean]

Anon I already addressed a lot of your message, but I also wanted to respond to the 2.02 part of your message more specifically. Tbh I didn't talk about this very specifically in my rewatch because I kind of feel like Sam projecting in 2.02 is a subject that has been beaten to death by fandom and I didn't really want to add to it if I'm being quite honest—especially because it quickly leads to samcrit hours for a lot of people in a way that I'm not really into believe it or not. But I wanted to respond specifically to what you wrote here:

Yes, Sam is expressing how he feels in season 2, but he isn't lashing out. He wants to express his grief to his brother, who he knows is also expressing grief. He doesn't realize his brother is expressing it in a different way than him, and interprets that as not expressing it at all. But he isn't lashing out and he isn't being malicious. Sam is trying to get Dean to talk to him, because that is how Sam needs to process his grief. He isn't displacing his aggression onto someone else. He's desperate for a connection. He's more begging than projecting at some point. And when it bubbles over, he admits how he is feeling to Dean based on an earlier conversation where Dean criticized Sam for how he was reacting to their father's death when Sam and John fought all of the time. Dean is angry because that is how Dean deals with grief, and in that conversation, he took it out on Sam. In the season 2 scene, Sam is admitting that yes, he and his dad always fought, and he feels terrible about it and is drowning in the too little too late. But he is desperate for his brother to let him in because that is the only connection he has left and Dean shutting down makes him afraid to lose that too. But he isn't lashing out or projecting. He is trying to communicate his needs but doing it less than stellarly.

First (clarification for any other readers) I've already clarified that I myself don't see Sam projecting as malicious.

Second, I think you reference a tag I used on my original post: projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn. That is a tag for my tagging system. It's a blanket tag that I use when at least one of the words in the string applies to a situation, but not all have to apply.

Third, let's be clear about the sequence of events in 2.02:

Sam comes outside and asks if Dean is okay or if he needs anything.

Dean says he does not need anything, and calmly but plainly asks Sam to stop asking, because Sam has been asking Dean all week and Sam has not taken a hint.

Sam does not listen. Instead, he pushes forward, pointing out that Dean hasn't mentioned John all week.

Dean responds with a sarcastic remark that boils down to, "What the fuck do you want my grief to look like? What would you consider palatable?"

Sam explodes, yelling at Dean for patronizing him, accusing Dean of grieving wrong, and telling Dean how he should be grieving.

Dean says the anger and vengeance Sam wants from him is useless, and that the only thing he can do right now is work on the car.

As the episode continues:

Sam talks about wanting to hunt in John's memory twice after Dean wonders 1) why Sam wanted to go on a random hunt 2) Why Sam tells the carnival owner that he doesn't want normal. Dean pretends he has no thoughts about this.

Sam brings up a fond memory of John, and Dean says he remembers. 5 seconds later, Sam accuses Dean of "getting maudlin on him", and then he accuses Dean of playing the "strong and silent type"

Dean asks him firmly to leave him alone, and plainly says Sam is acting entitled to determine how Dean grieves.

Sam begins yelling at Dean again for not grieving right.

Dean shouts back at Sam that he is fine and tells Sam to stop dumping his issues on Dean.

Sam asks what Dean means.

Dean says Sam is having trouble dealing with John's death because of how things ended between the two of them and says Sam is projecting his inability to deal with John's death onto Dean.

At the end of the episode, Sam admits that Dean was right about what he was doing, but also says he knows Dean isn't actually okay.

That is the sequence of events.

He doesn't realize his brother is expressing it in a different way than him, and interprets that as not expressing it at all.

I'm not the thought police, but neither is Sam, and Sam quite literally shouts at Dean multiple times in 2.02 for not grieving in a way that Sam finds relatable. He specifically demands to know why Dean isn't angry, and why Dean doesn't want revenge, and why Dean's grieving process involves fixing his broken car instead of doing exactly what Sam has been doing—searching for leads on the demon. Sam is angry and is frustrated by a lack of leads, and he is displacing that frustration onto Dean and doing exactly what you claim Dean did to him later in the episode, except when Dean does it, it is after being harassed repeatedly and criticized for how he grieves and having his clearly stated boundaries trampled on by his brother for over a week.

Adults don't have to understand the quirks of other people's grief, but they should be expected to accept that their own feelings are not universal, and not make judgements. We don't get to dictate how other people feel and process things. I lost my grandfather this year, and if someone had come up to me at his funeral and criticized me for not appearing to grieve in a way they found relatable (which would invariably and inescapably carry an implication that I didn't care about my own grandfather) I would have put them on the ground, and they would have deserved it. It's fine that Sam doesn't understand how Dean grieves. His response to that lack of understanding, which is to deliberately and flagrantly ignore Dean's very calmly and plainly stated boundaries, and criticize how Dean deals with his feelings because Sam doesn't understand him, is not fine.

Note: Sam's behavior here is also not dissimilar from how he criticized Dean in 1.03 for not searching hard enough for John (in Sam's opinion—a guy who had found exactly 0 leads for them up to that point) with a tacked on thinly-veiled accusation that Dean did not care, followed by denials of his obvious meaning when Dean reacted. That also was not okay, and it's part of the pattern we see.

Sam is trying to get Dean to talk to him, because that is how Sam needs to process his grief.

You say Sam just wants to express his own grief to Dean, but that is not what Sam does? Sam talks exclusively about how Dean is processing his own grief: DEAN hasn't brought up dad once. DEAN should want revenge. DEAN should be mad. DEAN needs to stop being so dysfunctional and cold and "deal with" John's death—not Sam. If Sam wanted to talk about how Sam was grieving... he could simply talk about how he is grieving. However, quite crucially, he should also be willing to have someone else act as his active listener (ex: Bobby). Dean and Sam's methods of coping clearly do not mesh, and Sam should be willing to respect that. But when Dean does ask Sam quite plainly, over and over, to stop pestering him, Sam does not listen. He wants to talk about how Dean is grieving. Whether Dean is ready is not relevant—only whether Sam is ready for Dean to be ready. Dean is expected to grieve on Sam's timeline, in a way that looks familiar and relatable. Sam fixates on getting Dean to open up, because Sam is worried about him yeah—but also because Sam thinks he needs Dean—specifically—to spill his guts in order to process his own grief and stop worrying about Dean, and that is dysfunctional, and Sam is so focused on fulfilling that dysfunctional need that he is willing to flagrantly trample all over Dean's own grieving process and his clearly defined boundaries in order to get what he wants.

Sam's methods of coping and how they effect Dean in 2.02 are maladaptive, and they make Dean responsible for "fixing" Sam in a way that is not fair, while Dean is also grieving their dead father. Sam is essentially criticizing Dean for not offering up his raw grief as an artistically arranged meal for Sam's consumption, and Sam does not even realize it until Dean, tired of having his clearly stated boundaries trampled on over and over by Sam's repeated pestering and demands and criticisms, calls Sam out on what he is doing. And Dean is right about it, and after Sam reflects on it, he admits that Dean is right and reduces his harassment and policing of Dean's feelings by about 75%.

[queermania]

Ack! I think tumblr ate my first attempt at sending this, so here it is again.

Thank you for being willing to entertain my horrible headcanon! Like I said when I checked about sending this, I'm a Chuck Won truther, but what if also: Hookman!Sam?

So, basically, what if there was a chunk of Chuck's power still lodged in Sam? And it latched onto Sam's lingering resentment/judgement/belief that he can never live a "normal" life unless he's free of Dean, a feeling he doesn't even realize he still has. And, just like Lori's subconscious judgement sent the Hookman after the people in her life, Sam's, fueled by Chuck's power, rewrote reality and caused all of *waves hand in the direction of the finale* that to happen.

And he has no idea.

Part of Sam didn't understand the extent of Dean's grief over Cas, and so he became a non-entity. Part of Sam he might not even be aware of believed his life would be better without Dean, and so then it was. (One last projection of his issues.) Some part still wanted that "normal" life, and so he got it, blurry wife and all.

(This is not Sam hate. I truly wish the show had done explored more of his issues with judgement and resentment. There's so much to chew on there.)

hi yes i love this. i am spinning it around in my brain like a rotisserie chicken but i want other people to be able to see it too while i continue to think about it 👀

[kerryweaverlesbian]

I love your Daphne Allen posts; all of your posts talking about characters struggling with gender and sexual identity are so well written and thought out, especially genderqueer!Dean. Do you have any other thoughts on Daphne, no matter how small? I love hearing about your ideas ♥️

[Anon is referring to this fic and this poem]

:") everyone is nice to meeeee, thank you ❤️ I'm going to call Daphne he throughout this so don't get confused. I don't have bonus headcanons about him at the moment, I usually construct those for minor characters as I'm making a fic about them, but I'll talk broadly about my thoughts about him under the cut (it got long LOL).

I think Daphne gets to me in particular with gender, because:

a) Meet My Girlfriend by Transgenderism was the first time it really clicked in my head that you can just. Choose. To change your pronouns. If it makes you happy. And you can still be a lesbian. So he's linked in my mind with that revelation.

b) pulling some man out of a river and marrying him on the spot is PEAK compulsory (cis)heterosexuality. Like. Ah yes :) God has sent me a man to solve my problem and he doesn't know what Being A Man is so he's Safe plus 'this is normal heterosexual behaviour I'm pretty sure [it absolutely is not]'.

(Reading Adorned With Smoke For Clothes by lesbiansailor, where Daphne prays for salvation [from being a lesbian] and there stumbles upon "Emmanuel" and is like 'oh okay' really sank into my brain, that's definitely what happened.)

c) I've always loved 'teaching someone how to be human' but the sweet, sweet juice of "teaching someone how to be A Man when you are insecure and unhappy about your own gender role"? YUM YUM YUM. The act of finding yourself through the other!! That's how. To get a little introspective lol. That's how I tend to work through figuring stuff out about myself. There is someone in my life and I think to myself "ah they might be _. This explains me thinking about it so much." And then like 3-5 months later I'm like wait. I think I am _. Lol. So I can project that projection onto Daphne, but with bonus resentment because I love resentment it's so fun to write.

d) obviously him being partnered with Castiel, who I view as a secure trans man (he "became a father", he went from agender to man, he literally changed from a female vessel to a male one, many people in fandom have said this. He literally invented free will to choose to be a trans gay man ❤️*). Having someone SO sure that he's a man even when he lost ALL his memories and didn't even know how to use a toothbrush at first AND when he's doing manhood "wrong" and sensitively and queerly, to a transmasc Daphne that's got to feel like "he doesn't even care about what it means to be a man so I have to care about it for both of us and I still don't get to be one!!! I don't want to think about it!!!!"

e) the way prescriptive religion ties in with him, doubting his gender role means doubting God which means potentially upending his entire community and being so fucking lonely. We only see Daphne for like. 1 minute of screentime lmao so it is for the best that they didn't pile on more side characters but it gives the impression that he doesn't have any friends**, which makes me think about how Marge Simpson doesn't have any friends (highly recommend the Lola Sebastian video about Marge) which makes me think about (my) fear of becoming a housewife with no friends.

So, I think Daphne is afraid of being himself with the (justified!) fear of losing his present community, but in trying to avoid that, he can't get truly close to people and thus causes that lonliness anyway. A vicious cycle...

f) Daphne is a character firmly discarded by Supernatural - which is fine, I don't want every 3 second character to keep coming back or we'd have 100 Cole's and I couldn't stand 1 Cole - but finding love for minor characters in spn has become a particular fascination of mine ❤️ mostly due to the sapphicnatural community 🧡 With the meta context that minor characters are not only disregarded by the characters amd writers but disregarded by GOD, for a character like Daphne who throws himself so firmly into faith that he marries a man whom - I cannot stress enough - he found in a river, that dramatic irony is so delicious. He's putting his life in service of a guy who, if asked, might not even remember his name. JUICY.

And e and f together beg the question, if it doesn't make him less lonely and if God [who is also a misogynist just btw] doesn't care what he does. Why is he putting himself through the agony of the closest. If his life is so flimsy that he can marry a stranger like it's nothing, why can't he pursue a life that makes him HAPPY?

g) Johanna Marlowe's performance of Daphne....she [the actor] just looks so strangely afraid? Daphne had just been attacked, but even when he's safe and looking up at Emmanuel, there's something fearful there I think:

Like maybe that's just how her face looks, but there's also the way she decided to touch him glancingly, hesitant and fleeting. Look at her physicality choices in her one scene. If I were just attacked by a demon and my spouse came and untied me, I would probably, like, hug them and find reassurance in them? But Marlowe says no. I will touch his face as quickly as possible and then let him drag me around. They're not even holding hands!! He grabs her wrist and she makes a fist! I never noticed that before that's crazy. Anyway this may have been directorial just to get through the scene quickly, there's a lot to get through in the episode, but regardless of the practical reasons behind her performance, it is Text and it is Strange!

And finally. I realised I do actually have a small headcanon. I think Daphne's transmasc new name is one of three:

Emmanuel (he chose the name, he should get to keep it!); Samson (biblical, raised according to the instructions of angels, had his dark night of the soul from his beloved cutting his hair [PS I think Daphne grows out his hair through transition]); or he keeps Daphne. He can still be Daphne if he wants. You can do whatever you want forever!

I also think he keeps his faith in God. His logic is that he asked for salvation -> Emmanuel appeared -> Emmanuel's questioning of his life brought him to true understanding of himself, and this must be holy.

*(I actually think Cas can also be attracted to women personally but this post isn't about him)

** also the fact that no one talked him out of marrying Emmanuel lmao

***Also from the Wikipedia recounting of the bible version he might be really into bondage??? Get it Samson!!

[marslikesmovies]

Community headcanons. Yes, it's my current hyperfixation.

Jeff Winger:

-Has ODD(Oppositional Defiant Disorder)

-Everyone thinks he's a narcissist but in reality he's just self sufficient

-The entire study group thinks he's secretly rich

- Firm believer that sexuality is fluid and has definitely explored its.. options...

-Lactose intolerant but is oddly insecure about it

-His leader position in the group comes from his need to be in control because he feels like any factor in his life that was out of his control went wrong.

Britta Perry:

-First, I wanna say her character was absolutely ruined. She had so much great potential.

-Uses activism to make her feel good about herself but after Annie and Shirley wanted to become activists, she felt like she lost her individuality. She stopped paying attention.

-She has a strong need for everyone to like her and has a crippling fear of abandonment.

-She thinks her real issues are with her dad but really, they're with her mom.

-Queer.

-She thinks she's the mom friend when in reality, it's Shirley.

Abed Nadir:

-He's probably the most complex character in the series. Also I consider him to be a comfort character so this is partial projecting..

-Daddy issues.. kinda canon

-He knows he's on the spectrum even though in the show he never gets/got a diagnosis because the thought of actually being different and not just having small "quirks" scares him.

-He understands and has romantic feelings but can't pursue them for long periods of time, he's probably scared of commitment and only commits to the study group because they're all so different that he doesn't feel excluded.

-Also canon, but he despises change.

-Craves physical touch but only from Troy.

-He has selective mutism.

-Maladaptive daydreams.

Troy Barnes:

-ADHD

-Codependent on Abed because he lacks self awareness and Abed being uncomfortably self aware helps him feel balanced.

-His crush on Britta was platonic.

-He can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic feelings.

-He's terrified of being alone.

-Part of him thinks he and Abed are more than friends but part of him really doesn't want that.

-Pansexual.

Annie Edison:

-ADHD

-Lesbian.

-Her crush on Jeff was purely comphet and stems from her parental issues and Jeff's parental position in the group.

-Her parents were probably homophobic and she tried coming out but then later just pulled the "I'm confused" card.

-She was in therapy but she stopped going because she had to pay for it herself.

-She's the "therapist" friend, but gives pretty bad advice because she has too many of her own problems.

Shirley Bennett:

-Hyperempathetic.

-She thinks everyone's problems are her responsibility.

-She uses religion as a crutch but has questioned her faith a considerable amount of times.

-Making food is therapeutic for her.

-The actual mom friend but hates the pressure of being a maternal figure.

-Scared of failure and projects that fear onto her friends.

-She has a bad habit of deflecting.

Pierce Hawthorne:

-Insufferable bastard.

-When Jeff graduated he wanted to take the "dad" position since he had always wanted kids.

-He had one wife and they were married for 2 months, he just says he has seven because he thinks he sounds cool.

-Has been to rehab numerous times.

-Thinks he can relate to the study group but the study group thinks he's utterly insane.

Chang...:

-He was bullied as a child.

-No sense of self and is always trying to find an identity.

-After his wife left he searched high and low for what's wrong with him, he's just eccentric.

-All of his elaborate stunts are because he wants to be noticed because he has a fear of being forgotten.

-Bisexual.

I'm not putting the dean. You can't make me.

[big-wet-cas-eyes]

Welcome to my Destiel fic masterlist for 2022! I wrote a lot early on in the year, and sort of fell off toward the end, but I still wrote 85,000 words this year and I'm proud of that. I'm hoping I can get back into things next year so cross your fingers for me that inspiration strikes!

Thank you to all of my followers (and anyone who has read anything I've written) for your kind words when I do write things, and for sharing things that you liked. Having fanfiction as a creative outlet has been one of my favorite things in the last couple of years, and I'm so grateful to this fandom for how supportive and kind everyone is to a new writer.

Onto the fics!

Longer fics:

life was a willow | 34k words | E

Written for Pinefest with amazing art done by the incredible @betanoiz. I think this is my favorite fic I've ever written, and I still can't even describe how happy it made me to see the artwork that brought it to life. It's mindblowing to me that my story is the reason such breathtaking art exists.

When Dean’s favorite author becomes a regular at his bar, Dean knows he’s done for. He never could have anticipated the intense feelings that blossomed for the talented Castiel. There’s just one thing standing in his way of being with Castiel the way he truly wants: Castiel is waiting for his soulmate. Dean has spent his entire life hating the concept of soulmates. He just wants to live his life without the universe intervening. If the only way he can keep Castiel in his life is by swallowing his feelings, then that’s what he’ll do.

angels roll their eyes | 8k words | M

Written for the DeanCas Reverse bang inspired by an awesome piece of art done by the wonderful @birbgalaxy (and some delightful chapter dividers that make me smile every time I think of them). I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a fic. It's hilarious, if I do say so myself, and I don't think I would have ever come up with this idea without the art prompt.

The plan is simple enough: if there’s already an angel using Dean as a vessel, then Michael can’t trick Dean into saying “yes.” So Castiel will wear Dean’s body for a few weeks and then leave as soon as Michael is out of the picture. That’s how it’s supposed to go at least.

where the spirit meets the bones | 22k words | M

Written for the DeanCas Big Bang featuring absolutely beautiful art done by the THEEE @wigglebox. I wasn't sure if I would ever finish writing this one, so I am really proud that I managed to get this one out of my brain. I was blown away by the artwork, which really sets the tone of the story.

When Dean and Sam start to investigate a haunted inn, Dean expects it to be just like any other case. But there’s a catch: the resident ghost, Cas, turns into a human for two weeks every year. Before they can move forward with the case, they have to find out what happened to give Cas this kind of afterlife. And more importantly, Dean has to figure out how to honor his commitment to hunting monsters while he’s slowly falling for a ghost.

Shorter fics:

hold on to you | 300 words | T

Dean is in desperate need of a New Year's Eve kiss.

in the refrigerator light | 2k words | T

This is one of my favorite short fics I've written.

Taking a step back from hunting means that Dean needed something to do. Getting Cas back from the Empty was a big win for them, the kind of win that can't be followed up. So he started in on his current passion project: his cooking YouTube channel.

boots beneath my bed | 2k words | M

This is another favorite short fic of mine.

Dean finds out his favorite TV character is bisexual and promptly loses his shit.

ice frozen ground | 3k words | M

Dean doesn't know much about his neighbor. He doesn't even know his name. All he knows is that he’s hot. And that this guy runs, no matter what the weather is. Apparently, not even a blizzard can keep Dean's neighbor from his daily run.

come back...be here | 1k words | T

“Dean?” Cas says. He’s still looking down at the tiny stuffed bundle in his hands. “Is this supposed to be me?” So sue him. He made a stuffed version of Cas to hold onto when he misses his friend.

sunshine on the street | 2k words | T

Dean and Cas go on a hunt. Things don't go as planned.

get in the car | 1k words | T

When Castiel thinks the mechanic working on his car might be trying to rip him off, he does what anyone would do: He calls Dean Winchester.

forty-three pies | 5k words | M

Dean celebrates his 43rd birthday.

holy tax accountant | 4k word | T

Sam refuses to do Dean's taxes this year. Enter Castiel Novak, the hottest tax accountant Dean has ever seen.

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Y'all, I'm still stuck on Baby (11x04) so, if it's okay, I'm gonna talk about it some more. Cool? Cool.

Supernatural is a show with just two leads, two main characters, two male lead characters. There is no leading lady in Supernatural... or at least, not a human, or even living one. What Supernatural has, though, is a car. A shiny black, 1967, four door, Chevrolet Impala that "would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe." At least that's how God Chuck described her in Swan Song (5x22). And yes, this car's pronouns are she/her because she is the leading lady on this show. Not just Dean's faithful steed or the Winchester men's family home after Mary's death in the opening of the Pilot, but Dean's Baby is a character, complete with an established backstory that includes time travel. And like her co-stars, she has been beaten, maimed, and even killed and resurrected during the course of the show.

This episode is experimental, a bottle episode that was shot entirely within the confines of the car, giving the whole thing an intimate and close feel, but without ever being claustrophobic. That odd juxtaposition is due to the very nature of cars. They are little rolling insides that travel all around the outsides, transporting us in an enclosed space surrounded by windows and the passing scenery. While they are enclosed, they feel very open. Cars as a metaphor for freedom, is a concept that is deeply rooted in the American psyche and Baby is as classic American metal as the music favored by the show. So even with the camera only feet, and sometimes only inches from the human characters, we can still often forget that we never leave the car. The show has always given us shots of the boys from within the car, as if we were sitting in the backseat, or from one side of the front seat or the other, or as if we were perched in a window, or even on the hood looking in, but this episode gives us gorgeous views of what is happening outside of the car as well.

And we get so many different views from within the car, from under the dash or the floor between the seats, that you really do feel like you are sitting in it, so much so you can almost smell it.

I mentioned the joyride adventure that Jessie the valet takes Baby on in my previous post about the episode, but I realized that I overlooked how fun that scene was. It really felt, after the initial fear that this silly girl would somehow hurt the car, like maybe the car was actually having just as much fun as the girls as they did donuts in that dirt lot. Baby is an athletic car, lots of muscle, speed, and power, and the whole sequence felt youthfully, recklessly, joyous so that when Jessie returns the car unscratched to Dean and Sam, and they are none the wiser, it feels like getting away with some secret rebellious act that the car was in on.

The Impala is a character, not because it thinks or is sentient in any way (with the exception of that time that Sam WAS the Impala) but because of the way that we tend to personify inanimate objects and project our emotional reactions onto them. We do this with cars and homes especially, places where we spend a lot of time, and Baby just happens to be both.

And to anyone who scoffs at the idea of inanimate objects having a spirit or personality of their own, I ask what you do when your car doesn't start right away?

That's right, I guarantee that you've done exactly what Dean does here, closed your eyes, focused, and willed the car to start. And if/when it finally starts, you either say "thank you" or at least breathe a sigh of gratitude.

I've talked before about how Baby has always been Dean's car, but it is important to note that since Dean was four years old and Sam was only six months old, Baby has really been their only permanent address. That car has been there for them more than either of their parents were (ouch, I know, but it's true). And I feel it must be pointed out that, according to canon, all four members of the Winchester nuclear family have had sex in the backseat of that car, John and Mary, Dean and Anna, and Sam and Piper.

Okee dokee, it's about bedtime for me.

[alloarocharactershowdown]

Redemption Round 1 Eliminations

Vi have already selected four of the eight characters who will be returning for Round 3, leaving four more characters to be selected. Based off the submissions vi received, vi have narrowed down the options to 14 characters. Y'all will have the opportunity to vote on a Google Form to pick four of these characters to return for Round 3.

Below the cut are the names of all the characters included, plus what reasons people gave for nominations (both in Redemption Round and initial nominations) as well as any propaganda made for them.

At the very end of the post is a link to the Google Forms.

Katsuya Serizawa

"The others are more just so I don’t look like I only have two options and are people I would love back in as well."

"My blorbos"

"but i also chose a few others i can see as aroallo since we can pick more than 1. sorry it's obvious i only know the anime characters..."

"They great and they fuck"

Submitted propaganda - [link]

Dean Winchester

"I mean just look at them have you seen them? They deserve it."

"He's the character I think of when I think of aroallo characters. Ik it's not canon but he's accidently great rep"

Teruhashi Kokomi

"Technically the only one I feel strongly about is Noszaki and Teruhashi because I’m a huge fan of their respective shows and they fit it to a T."

"They great and they fuck"

"She is absolutely consumed by heteronormativity but deep down is a aromantic lesbian. She only likes saiki because he doesn’t like her and is doing exactly what I did and fooled myself into thinking I liked people because I felt like I should"

Jake English

"I feel bad bc he was an early aro headcanon of mine and meant a fair bit to me as a teen but also he went up against my specialest boy of all time miles straume so I couldn't vote for him. I think he deserves a second chance he is very aro coded from what I remember just not as much as miles was. and miles is like next level."

"Let’s start with Jake English. In Homestuck, a core point of his character is the desire to be recognized as more than an object of romantic desire. See, several characters over the course of the comic are attracted to him, romantically or otherwise; in fact, all 3 of his best friends were attracted to him at one point in time. He even gets together with one of his best friends - Dirk. The thing is, though, many people around him within the story don’t really see him as anything *outside* of the people who desire him, which is a point that causes him no small amount of grief. Uhh I’m not really sure where I was going with this. But yes, an important part of his arc is wanting to be recognized as somebody outside of how people romantically desire him."

"JUSTICE FOR JAKE ENGLISH THE OG ALLOARO!!!!"

"as an alloaro dude myself, i rel8 to him so very much. him fumbling his way into a rel8ionship with a close friend because "hey might as well i mean i guess i can be into him if i try" + convincing himself he was feeling romantic attraction heavily resembles how i went about things. also hes coded grey and green."

"He is canonically aromantic and heavily implied to be bisexual! He is physically attracted to women and at one point dated a man, but ended it because he realized he doesn't feel romantically for anyone -- never has and never will!"

Grog Strongjaw

"He fucks and he does not love. He fucks so much. He does not love (romantically. He loves his friends a whole lot.)"

"1) It would be REALLY entertaining for me personally, and 2) They're the characters that I know that fit the alloaro vibe well"

"I'm projecting onto characters from my fixations please"

"Canonically very interested in sex, but no romantic love interests. The player, Travis Willingham, specifically did not want to do any romance in this campaign. Grog still has very strong interpersonal connections, especially his friendship with the gnomes Scanlan and Pike."

"He canonically is very into sex but has never felt any sort of romantic attraction towards anyone in his entire life. That's pretty alloaro to me."

"He's also a himbo. I think he deserves extra points for that /j"

"He is never portrayed as wanting or needing a relationship and is shown as perfectly happy with the companionship of his friends but also recognizes that booty is nice"

"I love him so much"

Buffy Summers

"Come on did you SEE how close the Buffy vs Jeff matchup was she literally lost by 1% Just give her a chance and she could go soooooo far she's the character of all time and deserves to sweep every tournament she's in. Also I recently rewatched the episode I was made to love you and it really solidified my aro bi buffy trutherism she was giving off VIBES in that episode. It's not even just the obvious part where in this episode she has her revelation about how she can maybe be happy outside of a relationship having time with herself it's also her protagonist of a movie about a divorcee finding herself energy it's her being so fucking done with all the dudes in this episode obsessing over their unrequited crushes and it is, most importantly, her spending the whole episode identifying with a robot"

"For Buffy, Miles, and Mello I just think them being aro is fun and I wanna see them have another chance. But more importantly I want all of them to rejoin because Im Aro and So Are They Can’t You Feel It"

"Her aro bi swag <3 It's more Vibes than anything and in fact is often actively contradicted by the show but also there's Something there! SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF BTVS but I am thinking in particular about the show's finale in which Buffy decides that she doesn't want a relationship with any of the love interest characters and like the show presents it as her wanting to take time to figure out who she is which is cool and sexy and valid of her but also. could be the aromanticisms. It's especially pertinent that there's a running theme throughout the show of her believing there's something wrong with her because her relationships never work out and in the end her having this realisation that there's nothing wrong with her it's ok to have failed romances she's still working out who she is (AND WHAT'S SHE WORKING OUT? THAT SHE'S AROMANTIC??? HUH????) And tbh I'm not even tinhatting or making this a bigger thing than it's meant to be like they put buffy's speech about getting out of the vicious cycle she's been stuck in getting trapped in relationships that don't make her happy in the finale episode which is all about her changing the system that the show's entire premise has been based around and like. creating her own story. it means a lot to me!!! Also someone else pointed out that she had two different love interests who were convinced she didn't actually love them while they were together which I mean. sure that could just be those specific guys and their issues but WEIRD THAT IT HAPPENED TWICE HUH"

Alix Kubdel

Canonically alloaro

"All these characters are definitely aro and utilize their aro-ness in such a great way that it makes me feel glad to be aro (like Sonic being aro but still being incredibly devoted to his friends, Alix willing to hide in time for them, Agent 3 being a great leader of the Squidbeak Splatoon because they’re amicable but also, can do it alone because they trust their friends are there)"

"My blorbos"

"Word of god specifically aromantic and not asexual. Also an absolute badass and voice of reason."

Submitted propaganda - [link]

Jess (Loveless)

Canonically alloaro

"she’s canon aroallo and the jess nation is strong!"

"she’s canonically aroallo (and bi too - double win)!"

Submitted propaganda - [link]

Kaname Date

"I picked these characters because I love them and I am aroallo. However I’d like to put a special word in for Kaname Date, who, if I remember correctly, never shows any romantic interest in anyone but is so relentlessly horny that his reaction speed is three times better when looking at or thinking about porn. This is due to a near death experience with a snake as a child. He’s the guy ever and I love him."

"Alloaro swag so immense it puts me to shame"

"babygirl <3"

Umetarou Nozaki

"Technically the only one I feel strongly about is Noszaki and Teruhashi because I’m a huge fan of their respective shows and they fit it to a T."

"So aro, very good boys"

"They great and they fuck"

"He doesn’t understand romance in the slightest and I will die on the hill that he is aro"

"I’ve never even seen the show…. O.O"

Makoto Sunakawa

"my main pick is kou yamori and you already know why but i also chose a few others i can see as aroallo since we can pick more than 1. sorry it's obvious i only know the anime characters..."

"So aro, very good boys"

"He's the conventially attractive friend of the less conventionally attractive (and wholesome!!) protagonist in the story, but never accepts any girl's crush 'cause most of them have talked badly about the protag behind his back. The only time a girl confessed to him that didn't make fun of him, he turned her down anyway because he didn't like her in that way, but they were on good terms anyway."

"He's an excellent wingman to the protag and his girlfriend, but none of his advice is particularly romantic. It's all about caring for one another as people, and given how his friendship with the protag isn't deep, I see him as a loveless aro. He's not canonically aro or ace, but he has been my comfort aro-coded character so it would be nice to see him there even if he doesn't win~"

Kou Yamori

"my main pick is kou yamori and you already know why but i also chose a few others i can see as aroallo since we can pick more than 1. sorry it's obvious i only know the anime characters..."

"He’s basically canonically aroallo. By that i mean they didn’t use any label but he canonically has no romantic attraction and canonically has sexual attraction."

"His aroallo identity is also a big deal in the story since the premise is that he wants to become a vampire, but to become a vampire you have to be bitten by a vampire you are in love with. So that’s the conflict. He isn’t villanized for this identity nor is the moral/goal ever to “fix” him. Also they tackle amatonormativity and the value of platonic relationships :) incredibly refreshing and meaningful to me"

Submitted propaganda - [link]

Clover Martinez

Canonically alloaro

"clover is i think the first aroallo character i've ever read about in a book, and it's super cool to have an aro protagonist. i really love how her aromanticism was handled- the book is about other things but her aromanticism is still important and talked about"

"canonically aroallo (aromantic bisexual)"

"she's cool"

Anya Jenkins

"Anya - Listen if ONE character I've nominated today gets through to the redemption round let it be her please please please I'm begging. She has SUCH aroallo energy and beyond my own personal hc I do think that a lot of her character just adds up so much more if you take that view of her. Like she canonically uses romantic relationships as a way to give herself a sense of identity and to make herself feel like a normal person (she used to be a demon before being turned human so she has a Complex about that) and she makes multiple jokes about how sex is the only thing she actually likes about being in a relationship. let her in the redemption round the writers fucked her character arc so bad and she deserves a win"

"the aroallo character of all tiiiiiiime oh my god. she was a human who got turned into a demon and then back into a human again after a thousand years. she didn't understand the difference between sex and romance. 99% of her problems could have been solved if anyone had sat her down and explained the concept of friends with benefits. she spent most of the dates we saw her go on infodumping about her past murders. she became the love interest to one of the show's leads largely because she thought he was the most tolerable guy at their high school and felt like she needed to go to prom with Someone. she agreed to marry him because she thought it would give her the sense of identity she lacked and was desperate for. she sang a musical number about how she only wanted to get married for the sex money and sense of identity. she got left at the altar. she immediately went and fucked an amoral vampire after getting left at the altar. she was vaguely trans coded. she was even autistic <3"

Redemption Round 1 Eliminations - [link]

[nostalgiqueajamais]

Supernatural. The series not the song. Thoughts.

Four years after the series ended, I'm finally binging it on Prime. I lose attention when a series is on break for too long. AOT for example; I loved it so much but I still haven't seen the last season. Back to supernatural.

The main reason I wanted to write this is because I wanted, nay, needed to share my feeling on Season 2 Episode 22: All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2's ending. I'm gonna get to reviewing the rest of the series after I finish binging it but, for now, I wanted to say that the series hasn't made me want to cry until this episode; John Winchester's return was so unexpected for me and so moving. I said "awwwwwww" aloud, and then I started screaming "yes" and cheering for him. I should have known that nothing too tragic would happen to the brothers because so far, every episode ending has skipped out on separating the brothers for no longer than one episode. But I really thought that Dean would be whisked away to Hell, and that we would see him suffer for the first three episodes of Season 3 while Sammy figures out a way to get him back. Maybe I'm just projecting the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina onto this series.

Aside from that, I love the creepy undertones of the series but it's never too scary that I can and am watching it all alone in my room.

I'll just leave it at that for now. I'll be back after the end of the series.

[UPDATE]

Watching Season 3 now. It feels like they got some budget and/or upgraded the equipment. Season 1 and 2 had this very 2000s horror film desaturated harsh sepia tones. It was giving Texas Chainsaw Massacre poster. Season 3, the quality is better, it's more HD, the colors are still dark but more natural. And the theme song/intro got a nice update as well.

Right now, Dean is yolo-ing since he has the contract with the demon. It's very funny. Seems like I was right in predicting a very old series that's ended. But it seems like Dean will be going to hell by the end of the season.

One question that I've had since the first few episodes is how do they get paid? They always state that this job that they have doesn't pay them. But they need a job somehow. How else would they eat or stay at the motels. So, what are their jobs? They're on the road all the time. Who pays them?

Ugh, the first episode of season 3 is sick. There's something about a giant group of people standing around one person, making them do something that would hurt them while laughing; watching such scenes always makes me sick to my stomach. It's like bullying but sicker. And the one person is just so powerless to stop it. Goosebumps.

[bengiyo]

Takara-kun & Amagi-kun Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

Excited to be back with this show! I wonder what major emotional block ever person has to tackle we'll explore this week?

Ah, the way the shame society uses to pressure families to stick together can other the children who are not responsible for their parents' failing marriage, and how that creates an indefinable sense of worthlessness in them from a young age. Cool. I'm not emotional in the first minute.

I love how forthright Takara has become about Amagi's wellbeing. Also love him reiterating that he doesn't feel a personal need to be Amagi's only support system.

Oriyama Nao has incredible control of his facial expressions. I don't think Amagi would work if he couldn't pull off these small shifts in his face and posture. It's really something to behold, and I get why people were so excited about these two and the agency they're from.

Amagi and Katori have a great friendship. I wonder when the other guy will come back into the picture.

I don't know who was involved in the character choices about Amagi's laughs, but they were correct.

I really love Takara. Amagi asked him to sit next to him and backseat game, and Takara refused immediately because he personally would find that annoying. However, he recognized that he was projecting onto Amagi and decided to honor the request. I have so many questions about how he was raised and became this way.

Lol. Of course Amagi can't focus now. This show is so clever y'all.

These Japanese baths look very comfortable, but I really need to see a drain for all this water constantly spilling out. I know for a fact that Japan has termites, so they have to managing the excess moisture near the structure.

Amagi is so angular and goofy. It's endearing, and I can appreciate Takara's attraction.

I do like that Amagi is considering the expectations Takara might have for a sleepover. I don't always like when characters are surprised about a sexual advance that they probably should have anticipated.

I don't read fanfiction, but if one of you writes a fic about Dean and Pharm watching this scene where Takara pulls Amagi's hand to his face, please tag me??

They are both so furtive about the unspoken parameters of this sleepover. I do like when the teens feel like teens.

Love that Amagi called the foreplay what it was. Love Takara's lack of shame. Love Takara backing off when he recognized Amagi was uncomfortable. Love Amagi explaining his reluctance. Love Amagi wanting to understand what will happen before he jumps into intimacy. This was excellent.

I wish I could squat like Asian people can. We don't get these kind of shots in America where one person can squat in front of their love interest dramatically.

Love Takara's reassurance to Amagi. Curious about what's going on with him about his sexual experience. Is he also inexperienced, or is he perhaps embarrassed?

Amagi's relief that they didn't do something he was nervous about and his guilt that they didn't is so real, and I don't think I've ever seen a show admit that particular feeling openly. I feel like I'm going to have to write a separate post altogether, or follow up someone else's fantastic post about how consent is really complicated sometimes. Yes, they did the right things here by not having sex, but it doesn't mean they also don't feel a strange sense of disappointment that they didn't. I'm about to ascend.

Oh no, Amagi's tears of frustration at being what he considers to be a bad lover is gonna break me.

Oh my goodness, the internal scene of Takara considering sharing a bed with Amagi was great. Good reminder that he's also brimming with desire for Amagi; he's just stoic.

LOL. I love Tanaka's reaction to Takara. Again, I like that we acknowledge the desire Takara has, and that he's exercising immense self control right now. Maybe he should talk to Pastor George.

Takara's legs folded up is not subtle and I like it.

I can't believe this show and Minato's Laundromat are airing at the same time. We've never been this blessed.

[notalawyerdude]

Welcome to, Adventures in

"i didn't take my sleep med, it's 5am, revelation time!"

This week: Sam! Spn

I haven't proofread,

It's rant time baby!

I'll edit/delete this later

In no good order

I see it. Uh oh,this is a cliff I'm gonna fall off isn't it. Sastiel.

Sam has always respected Castiel to a level which Dean, even at his deepest, never did. It's night and day compared to Dean. Dean at most feared Castiel.

I have always shipped destiel and I love the element of "never believed in God and even after meeting an angel didn't believe yet he is a holy man"

But

Always believed somehow against all cruelty constantly burned into him, respected believed and cherished yet he is demon akin

Might be more powerful.

Plus given the nature of as it's been discussed the blank character and out Dean is more and more becomes not that I heavily relate to Sam and cas both of them is almost entirely the abuse that happens to them the trauma the bodily autonomy that type of stuff so combining those two characters and how strong those elements are in those characters and how they resonate within me oh fuck I'm fucked

Seeing Dean from Sam girl perspective (I'm not a girl but that's just what it's called, no?) holy s*** I hate him so much i love(d) him why do I now hate him in this moment what is happening I feel so strongly about this I mean at times Sam bored me because of how they didn't write him but during before this when I was all about dean and cas I still was deeply fascinated by Sam's character and how complex and underutilized he is but now like that video of Sam beating the s*** out of Dean yeah yes do it

I don't know if this is a universal experience but so much of the character Dynamics in this show is just me (not) processing my drama through projecting onto fictional characters

[xoxo-bunnydumpling]

I was bent over, petting the neighbor's dog in the front yard, when Eli came up behind me and put his hand on my lower back.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, but why?"

...and that's when he ducked head between my knees, grabbed onto them, and set about trying to stand up.

Y'all, I'm not small. I've been cruising at 182 for a while now. I know he can carry me, he does it all the time, but this is registering as such a bizarre situation that I can do nothing but allow myself to be hauled up...with absolutely nothing to hold on to because he's shirtless again. (Southern summers do not agree with him...the very second it got over 75 degrees he decided shirts were bullshit.)

He grunts a little, doesn't quite stand up all the way but he makes it further than I thought he would.

"You okay?"

"Easy...peasy."

He's full of shit.

"Alright now do a lap..."

Bless his heart, he does start making progress forward until Moses comes out the front door to see what all the commotion is about.

Getting down from Mt. Eli is a situation and in the end I have to have help from Moses, who allows me to spidermonkey onto him when Eli bends slightly to let me off. Not as easy for Moses to carry me, but he does, with my legs wrapped around him and his arms tucked surprisingly respectfully under my ass. He walks me all the way inside, with Eli following...he smiles at me and blows me a kiss and he's just so fucking cute I feel my heart growing with every step. It's getting dark, the mosquitos are coming out in full force, and we decide to watch the fireflies from inside this time.

Nothing happened today. We didn't talk about whether I'd have surgery or not, we didn't talk about the impending trip to Ecuador or how Moses is closer to canceling it every day now that he knows I'm not well and wants to stay here in case something emergent happens. No drama to be had other than me and Moses trying vehemently to talk Eli into doing a Dean and Cas scene with Liz for his next project in class. We want to watch the love confession live but he won't budge.

"You already have the coat and she's gay so you know she's got a closet full of plaid. Come on..." Moses offers this like a seasoned professional, like it's the only possible option, and even though he's in the kitchen with his back to us, I can tell my husband is rolling his eyes.

"No. I'm a serious actor now, you can't rope me into your silly monster show." His deadpan is still impeccable.

Moses nudges me with his elbow. "He just wouldn't know what to do with clothes on under the coat, huh?"

I tell him about my Christmas gift as Eli brings my cup of coffee to me and sits down. How I found him perched on my bed in the full kit, down to the pull-on boots that I have not seen since. I don't elaborate on how awkward it was at first, how much I giggled, or how purely hot as fuck it became once I was brave enough to join him at the bed after being frozen in my doorway. Moses thinks I'm cool and I'd like it to stay that way. I do tell him how I ended up with my hands tied to the headboard by an angel of the Lord though...because he'll think about that all night and I'm always laying groundwork for further shenanigans. He chuckles and whispers "white folks" under his breath, before winking at Eli.

"So indulgent...you're going to spoil her."

Eli, at that moment, is running his hand down my leg...a silent request for me to put my feet into his lap so he can rub them. We have so many hand signals, touches, and taps now, it's rare that either one of us has to outright ask for anything.

"Good, that's my job."

I think getting married was a grand idea. I'm glad he thought of it.

[theyarebothgunshot]

Hey! (I'm sorry that my rant is so long and annoying).

I love your cockles Q&A! It honestly gives me life. I'm deep in the dumpster and so I rewatched the jibcons and 2014 is starting to shake my faith again despite me being so sure of GUNSHOTS. In Jensens panel, the one where he was pissed about the destiel question and unnecessarily went on about how that's not how they're playing it [ehm then explain your jacting joices then?]

Anyway do you think he was mad that their chemistry is so obvious? Or generally why was he so ant*destiel? [up till jibcon 10 with where's destiel real?] and why be ant*destiel but then do some messed up cockles shit??? Like atleast Misha didn't confirm nor deny destiel [before 15x18].

And now the final downer, the pranking. One of the reasons why I'm not 100% converted is because of the whole pranking Misha thing. I always think if they were together how would Jensen prank Misha like that? I mean yeah Jensens style is making faces at Misha but like at their panel Misha said it was so bad Jensen apologized.. And my ugly brain goes "if they were together wouldn't Jensen behave as a partner and not as a relentless pranker? And would stop Jared from annoying Misha? especially when Misha is obviously not happy?"

I'm so sorry if I brought the "cockles spirit" down..I just really don't get these 2 things.

Thanks for reading and have a nice week!

I'm curious to hear your thoughts behind Jensen's negative responses towards bi!dean. You know I've always felt he projects himself onto Dean too much. And he feels that Dean being openly bisexual might out him too. Its strange considering Jared and Misha's fairly chill responses to LGBT hcs. What do you feel?

okay so i combined these two asks because i think they are similar. i don’t think i could answer these questions any better than rosa @gunshotsthemed already did. that post was a real eye opener for me. in short: jensen is always aware of his environment, and the way he reacts to questions about destiel/bi dean, depends on who is near him at that moment. to add to this, i also think that’s the reason jensen pranks misha with jared: he is always performing in front of jared, and the pranks fit right into that. until jared goes too far.

and yes, i do also think that there was a part of him that was super self conscious about the fact that their irl chemistry blead through the screen. 

[alovesthis]

Your Face, Your Voice — Destiel Drabble

also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29315994?view_adult=true

Summary: He feels it now. Nerves striking up and down his body, his heart pounding against his chest and a weird tumbling in his stomach. His eyes finally reach the glistening blue ones in front of him, the same eyes he's always stared into for years.

Warnings: barn scene? (15.20 episode) angst, slight fluff

Pairing: Destiel

For what felt like forever, Dean kept breathing to try and calm himself down. But each exhale was quivery, and began to hurt. At first, with Sam right in front of him, he didn't want to be left alone. Everything began to hurt and he began to believe that this was it. Everything he had fought for, yearned for was all going to be for nothing. It wasn't until Sam had convinced and fought for his brother's life in that moment. He had left Dean for just a few seconds, running out of the barn in a focused panic. He felt like he was there, alone, forever and that he was going to die without his brother by his side.

His eyes were closed, but the tears continued to escape as they trailed down his cheek. He was growing tired, his lips quivering at the pain that had both kept him awake and slowly end his life. Pure agony; to be alone and dying after everything you've done to protect the world from crumbling. It wasn't fair, and he knew deep down inside that this isn't what he deserved.

Sam still hadn't come back just yet, and it hadn't even been more than five minutes yet. Dean shivered from the pain, but he suddenly felt a whoosh of air against his skin. He flinched, but kept his eyes close. The only sound he heard was someone calling out for his name. A faint smile formed on his lips. Is this what heaven for him sounded like? Was he here with him?

"Dean?"

He didn't want to believe that this was it. He was gone, never saw Sammy again.

"Dean, what happened?"

He didn't want to open his eyes just yet. His voice calling for him was enough.

"Look at me, Dean."

He still felt the sharpness stuck inside his body. His eyes slowly opened, his mouth agape as he gasped.

"Cas?"

Cas takes a step forward and grips Dean's shoulders. They stare into each others eyes, like they were both being hypnotized and moved by the rising heat between each other. Dean closes his eyes and leans into his touch, his heart fluttering both from pain and being with Cas again.

"I'm here, Dean." He assures him. "I need you to listen to me. Open your eyes, keep them on me."

"Cas, I-"

"Don't speak. Please, just focus on me. It's going to hurt, but I promise you Dean, I'm here. It won't hurt after."

"Are we going up together?" He closes his eyes. "You know, heaven. If it's still there."

"Dean, just focus on me." He repeats. "You're still here, still..."

He takes a few seconds to breathe before he grips onto Dean harder, and nods. "I need you to be ready, so just push through this. Keep fighting like you always do. Okay?"

Dean nods his head profusely and opens his eyes again. Cas pulls on his body, trying to take his body off the the rebar. Dean lets out a deep groan, almost yelling through the pain. His face winces, tightly squeezing onto Cas's waist, bunching up the trench coat. Cas's eyes begin to tear up as he watches the man he loves protest in undeniable pain. He whispers soft words of encouragement, making sure Dean knew he was strong enough to get through this. To make sure that Dean is worth saving and has a life he deserves to live.

Suddenly, Dean fell into Cas's arms as they both stumble for just a moment. Dean's eyes are still closed, but open slightly when he sees a glowing blue light in front of him. Cas moves his hands from his shoulders, placing one hand behind Dean where the rebar was and the other now on his heart. He was healing him. Cas still has tears in his eyes, and Dean exhales a shaken laugh.

Dean's hand shot straight up to his chest, his eyes widening in hope. There was no more pain. He was okay, alive and it was all because of Cas.

"You're here." Dean says.

"I'm here, Dean. We both are."

"Cas...what you told me. Every single word, every second..."

"It's okay, we don't need-"

"It's your turn to listen to me now." He softly says, as he raises his hands to Cas's cheek. "You told me there was one thing you want and that you couldn't have it. But you're here now, alive. And so am I. You have me. We get to live now, and you taught me that we deserve it. Cas, thank you."

"You do deserve it, Dean."

Cas pulls Dean into a hug by his waist, not wanting to let him go.

"Thank you." Dean breaths out, squeezing Cas tight between his shoulder blades right where his wings begin. Dean can't feel them, or see them, but his wings start to flutter as Cas feels a gentle kiss on his jaw, right where his ear is. "It's because of you that I'm okay."

"Yes, but..." Cas pulls away, even though he doesn't want to. He stares into his eyes, his stoic face now softened as he takes in the beauty that is Dean Winchester. "It's because you never stopped. You kept fighting, and now you get to live."

"What about you? You gonna stick around? For good?" His voice sounds like he's pleading, wanting Cas to stay.

"I'm not going anywhere." His eyes light up with happiness.

"Before...you know, when you saved me." Dean begins, slowly taking his time with words trying to register his own thoughts at the same time. "You told me that happiness isn't in the having, but in the being. In saying it."

"I remember."

Now, their hands are at their sides but they still stand close in front of each other. Cas continues to stare at Dean's freckled face -- he looks exhausted, but ready to leave everything behind. Dean uses his eyes to look up and down, all over, trying to run through his thoughts. He feels it now. Nerves striking up and down his body, his heart pounding against his chest and a weird tumbling in his stomach.

His eyes finally reach the glistening blue ones in front of him, the same eyes he's always stared into for years. What felt like forever, they finally get to see each others face. The way Cas sees Dean, his hard exterior now relaxed and at peace. A hero with many scars, but still beautiful. His deep voice suddenly soft and quiet. And the way Dean sees Cas. Also hero, an angel...someone Dean can always count on. The strength, the vision of the most handsome and graceful angel- person- he's ever seen and got to know.

The feelings now incredibly intensified, making Dean feel things he's always felt but now much more clear. He was ready; to be brave and speak his truth like Cas had. If he could do it, so can he. He's always learned from Cas, and that was never going to stop.

"But I think we can have and deserve to have it. To live it. To say it. Cas..." Dean takes a step forward and gently grabs his face. "I thought I was never gonna see you again. Cas, man, I love you. I've missed you, everything..."

"Dean?" Cas stares at him. He can't believe it. Is this real? Is he really alive, standing in front of the man he's always loved and having him reciprocate feelings. Dean loves him.

"I do. I should've said it then, but I'm saying it now. I want you to know because you freaking deserve it too. I love you Cas.”

Cas leans into his palms that are pressed against his cheeks, closing his eyes for just a second to absorb his truth and the love Dean radiates. Dean takes this moment to catch both Cas and himself in surprise. Closing his eyes too, to take it all in, Dean leans into Cas and presses his lips against his. Both of their eyebrows furrow in concentration on the fluttering they feel in both their hearts. Bodies close, hearts beating and a moment of happiness shining through. They're both alive, free to live all doing it together. And that's all they've truly wanted.

Sam stands by the barn door, looking in with faint smile at his brother and Castiel. It gives him hope, a sign for him that he deserves what they have right now too. Eileen. Clutching the first aid kit in his hands, he looks down and exhales a silent smile and walks back to the impala to wait for them, no matter how long that'll be. Dean's safe. Cas is back and alive. And so is Eileen.

They pull away from each other, both letting out a soft chuckle of disbelief. Without any words, Dean takes a hold of Cas' shoulder and smiles. Their eyes still glisten from the tears before, lips still pursed and reddened from the kiss. The feeling doesn't fade but instead sinks into each of their hearts as they walk closely together, out of the barn and into the next phase of their life.

———

Again, just a little Drabble for my OTP. I’m also on AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/womanwhowritesformany/pseuds/womanwhowritesformany

[tylynnthe-internetkween]

5 life lessons I’ve learned at 18

I'm only 18 years old. I turn 19 in August, August 5th to be exact. Through these 18 years of living I've experienced and learned a lot. Although my learning began at birth I really began to retain these lessons during the beginning of my high school years (age 14). So below I will share with you all what I have learned from age 14 to age 18.
1.DO NOT LISTEN TO EVERYTHING EVERYBODY HAS TO SAY
Now don't get me wrong... it's okay to take life advice from people (when you ask) but some people really will try to dictate your life by bombarding you with comments that they use to control you and change your life.. don't fall for it. If someone still tries to give you unsolicited advice just say thank you and move on. In this day and time some people's comments have to be taken with a grain of salt because some people are miserable and will try to being you down with them, be careful. Everything spoken is not fact. Interpret things from your perception. At the end of the day Listen to yourself and learn yourself because nobody knows you better than you.
2.SET STANDARDS AND STICK TO THEM
As I'm getting older I understand how important it is to have high standards in life. High standards not just when it comes to material things but to the quality of people you want in your life. For example I flock to people who are at the same stages of life in me, or people who are where I want to be. At first it was hard for me to not feel bad for having standards but then I realized that it's my life and I can set the tone for what I allow. Don't get discouraged when you can't find your tribe or person that meets your standards because trust me there are people out there that will rise up to those standards.
3.PEOPLE ARE REPLACEABLE 
Let's be honest here... losing people we love and care about hurts a lot. Whether it's a friend (friend break ups hurt too), a partner, coworker, etc. Losing those bonds hurt a lot and it may take a lot of time to recover. However, the reality is that every single one of those people you lost are indeed replaceable. There are billions of people in the world and you are destined to find people that will take those places of who you lost. So don't mourn when you lose people be grateful for what you have learned from them and look forward to meeting new people.
4.SOCIAL MEDIA CAN HURT YOU
Now I know in this day and time social media is a huge thing (trust me I know I have twitter fingers) and it literally makes our world go round. However, too much social media can hurt you here's how..you may feel compelled to compare your life to someone else's.. you may think wow "I wish I made dean's list like them" or "I wish my relationship was like that" or "How come I can't dress like that?" see this is not good. I don't mean to sound cliché but comparison kills and just because their life looks one way on social media.. it doesn't mean it's the same behind the scenes. It's easier said than done but please don't compare yourself to anyone it doesn't help and it could lead to you hating your life and projecting that onto others.
5.PEOPLE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU!!!! 
This is one of the biggest lessons I've learned so far. I know I and everyone else will get upset when ever someone does something that hurts them yes it hurts and yes we're in disbelief that people we actually care about and love actually had the audacity to hurt us.. but what i've come to understand is that humans will disappoint you because humans are not perfect and humans are constantly working on themselves. So please don't take it personal whenever someone hurts you just remember that people are constantly evolving. Don't fall into that trap of trying to figure out why someone did what they did. Just heal and continue on with your life.


[darkshrimpemotions]

I have seen so many great Destiel playlists, but I feel like country music as a genre is sorely untapped.

Like...Eric Church's "A Man Who Was Gonna Die Young," for example. Guys. Dean reflecting in amazement that he's lived this long and that Cas loves him.

I always thought I'd be a heap of metal and a cloud of smoke, foot stuck to the pedal, sold for parts like a junkyard rusted-out Chevy ... What the hell made you wanna love a man who was gonna die young? ... In the mirror I saw my surprise... who knew gray hairs like to hide on a head that didn't think he'd live past thirty. If I make it thirty more, it's the brown that you'll be looking for as you run your fingers through, say 'slow down honey' ... Call it intuition, or call it crazy just thought by now I'd be pushing up daisies. But I'd gladly stick around if we're together. So baby when you bow your head tonight, could you tell the Lord I've changed my mind and with you I'd like to live forever.

Or what about Lee Brice's "Hard to Love?" Riding the line a bit between Dean's self-worth issues and an honest assessment of his iwn faults, plus more amazement that Castiel loves him. (In fairness the awe I'm projecting onto Dean could be my own sheer giddy disbelief that he actually told Dean he loved him in canon.)

I am insensitive, I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things that I need. Sometimes I drink to much, sometimes I test your trust, sometimes I don't know why you stay with me I'm hard to love, hard to love, oh I don't make it easy. I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood. I'm hard to love, hard to love, but you say that you need me. I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball, crashing into your heart like I do. You're like a Sunday morning, full of grace and full of Jesus, and I wish that I could be more like you Like yes yes meh the bridge says "girl," bit the entire rest of the song is so Destiel it hurts.

And then there's "Wild Angels" by Martina McBride, like...basically "Dean and Cas thank Gabriel and Balthazar for shipping it...in song!"

Between the perfect world and the bottom line,

keeping love alive in these troubled times... it's a miracle in itself. And we know too well what that's about, still we made it through, only God knows how. We must've had a little help. (Must've been) Wild Angels, wild angels, watching over you and me. Wild Angels, wild angels. Baby, what else could it be? Well it must've been hard, it must've been tough keeping up with crazy fools like us, 'cause it's so easy to fall apart And we still break each other's heart sometimes, spent some nights on the jagged side. Somehow we wake up in each other's arms. ... There are some nights, I watch you while you dream. I swear I hear the sound of beating wings.

And that's seriously just scratching the surface. Country music is the genre of angsty pining love ballads, for goodness' sake. THERE ARE DEFINITELY MORE. And I am going to find them all and fill this void, dammit.