#yes i’m assuming doctor who will still be airing 100 years in the future

[rystiel]

mavity mention !!! i hope mavity goes on forever for the rest of time to the point where people don’t even remember why it’s called mavity

[keelymewett]

Zombie Movie: I Am Legend (2007)

“Here’s Karen at the health desk.”

Karen from the health desk. (Picture: A female news anchor, Karen from the health desk.)

Language warning (sorry kids, but this is an MA15+ movie). 

I shit you not, that’s one of the opening quotes of the movies. So, friends and enemies, welcome to the longest review I’ve done of a zombie movie yet. It’s 1:35am here in Australia and I’ve just finished rewatching I Am Legend, everything’s fresh in my mind and I’m hyped up on chocolate. 

This movie has incredible tension, a fresh take on the zombie apocalypse, and it’s based on the 1954 novel by Richard Matherson, which inspired the modern day vampire and zombie movies. Why you may ask? Because it popularised the concept of a worldwide apocalypse due to a disease... now I’m beginning to realise that watching zombie movies during a global pandemic maybe wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. Any who. 

YouTube rewind made me forget how bloody good of an actor Will Smith is, and boy does he deliver in this movie. Robert’s (that his character, btw, though I will probably end up just referring to the character as Will Smith) interactions with Sam the goodest girl in the world (she’s a dog) and the mannequins is incredible.

The goodest girl in the world. (Picture: A dog (I’m sorry - I don’t know dog breeds! I’m 99% sure she’s a German Shepard) being given a bath and head scratches by Will Smith.)

Now: three things to look forward to in this “review” (assuming you read the spoilery section below). One: how realistic is this apocalypse? Two: there’s a dog. Three: zombie vampires. Vampire zombies? 

Backgrounds details! (Picture: Will Smith opened the fridge. On the fridge door are photos of his wife and daughter, a calendar dated for December, a drawing with “Marley” written in kids handwriting, post-it notes, a pamphlet with the heading “Quarantine”, and a Time Magazine cover of Robert Neville (Will Smith). The title reads (heading) “Saviour?” (sub-heading) “Soldier, Scientist” (body of text) “In a Battle that Could Save Thousands of Lives, Lt. Col. Robert Neville Takes on the XV Virus.”

Also, there’s banging in my house at the moment and when I say I’m peaking. I’m going to need to listen to some music while I write this.

Read on for a fun time! Spoilers ahoy!

Realism (the really relevant part. Yikes)

Okay, so what’s this fresh take on the apocalypse? Basically, this doctor cures cancer and it all goes to shit from there. I’m not 100% on the logistical jump from “destroying cancer cells” to “humans (and animals) becoming bloodthirsty mutants that burn in the sun” - for instance, this is just my sci-fi high-school biology and physics brain working here, cancer is basically a rogue cell that mutates other cells and destroys them in the process, yeah? So if the doctor, like she said, uses these cancer cells to work for the body and in the process “cures” cancer, wouldn’t the humans just... infect each other and the virus would kill the host if it went south? Given, that did happen in like 90% of cases as Will Smith explains, but where does the sunlight allergy come in? Is cancer afraid of UV? Confused, but I digress. 

... Is that my queen, Missy, from Umbrella Academy? (Picture: A woman with blood leaking from her eyes, holding a child and shouting for help.)

The scene where they’re listening to the radio and the guy is like we’re “issuing a military quarantine of New York City” I’m like bitch you wish. Unrealistic. The USA currently (9/10/2020) has the highest cases of COVID-19 in the world (for future historians and poor school children, it’s at 7.68 MILLION cases, no statistic for recovered cases for some weird ass reason, and sadly, 212,000 deaths. For reference, here in Australia we’ve had as of today 27,206 cases, 24,807 recovered and 897 deaths. New Zealand, who went into hard lockdown, had as of today, 1,864 cases, 1,800 recovered, and 25 deaths, with a period where there were 0 new cases for several days.)

Though, with that in mind, everyone going outside and gathering in large crowds? Realistic. 

The actual movie part

Praises time! Will Smith has a stockpile of food. Also, him getting Sam (the dog) to eat her vegetables like she’s a little kid? Cutest thing ever. 

Stockpilesss. (Picture: Will Smith wearing an apron and preparing a meal in a kitchen chock full of food items, including things like Pringles and spaghetti sauce.)

Setting alarms on his watch for sunset? Brilliant, smart idea, fantastic. Re-enforced windows and door, AND booby-trapped house? Incredible, genius. Setting traps to catch the zomvamps? (like the dumb name I just came up with? Don’t worry, I’ll reveal the stupid arbitrary name they ACTUALLY came up with later) Talent, intelligence. 

Dude, why wouldn’t you restrain the head/chest? You know, the part that can bite you? (Picture: Will Smith in a lab coat standing over a female zombie-vampire who’s been secured to a metal bench by the wrists and ankles. Medical monitors are connected to her.)

Now, Will Smith is out here looking for a cure. And by looking, I mean actively creating. In a lab. He washes his hands before going in - *chef’s kiss* follow his example - and unlike other zombie movies where it’s super dramatic in the hunt for a cure, this is a lot more chill considering it’s a) been 3 years and b) is more like how science actually works. Trials, tests, animal test-subjects (there is a debate about the ethics of this which I won’t go into here) (I mean a debate in real life not in the zombie movie haha) and human test-subjects. 

“Did you kidnap my girlfriend, bro?” (Picture: bald, pale muscular dude-bro-looking zombie-vampire roaring in rage.)

The mother-fracking zombies

I have to say it: these are the most dumbass looking vampire-zombies. I say vampire-zombies (zomvamps) because they avoid sunlight but also eat people? 

Now, unlike most zombie movies, these are really bloody intelligent zomvamps. At one point, after setting a booby trap and catching a zomvamp after stumbling into a nest of them, Robert says “They’re not showing any human social behaviour.” Hahahaha. Okay bitch first of all dude bro screamed when you kidnapped his mate, secondly dude bro has pet dogs, thirdly dude bro fucking caught you in a trap. He took revenge on you there, love. He followed you home!

The zomvamps are apex predators, can climb, run, hunt in packs, communicate with each other, set booby traps, make coordinated attacks, follow you home, learn where you live and remember it, and holy fuck humans had no chance. 

Thank you for clarifying, because I actually found this quite funny. Like, look at him! (Picture: dude-bro zombie-vampire from earlier growling in front of a flaming car. The zombie-vampires are very CGI, pale, fish-person looking things with pale skin and completely bald of hair. This guy is wearing ripped clothes. The caption reads “Growls menacingly”.)

Random things I have in my notes but haven’t mentioned yet (yes I took notes) 

What’s with the apocalypse and mannequins? Looking at you, Five (Umbrella Academy). 

(Picture: Will Smith looking at a “female” mannequin, who is dressed in a coat and black bob wig. They’re in a movie store. Funnily enough, behind the mannequin is the “Adult” section of the films.)

I agree with the fuck-that-shit sentiment when you see a mannequin suddenly appear in a different part of the city - like how in the hell?? 

(Picture: Will Smith aiming a rifle at a mannequin in an orange jumper. Mannequin is usually located outside of the movie store, yet here it is randomly in the middle of the street at the end of a T-section. There are tall glass windows behind the mannequin, and the window to the right has a giant, gaping pitch black hole in it. It’s presumed that there is a nest of zombie-vampires in there.)

... so is this a booby trap for humans or for zomvamps? Because the former makes sense if that dude bro zomvamp analysed Will Smith’s trap from earlier and remade it (hence dropped the car off a bridge to string him up), and the latter doesn’t really make sense because a) you’ll only catch (and probably kill) one zomvamp and why would you want only one unless you’re Robert and two why tf aren’t you meeting up with Robert he’s been broadcasting and racing around town hunting deer (elk?) in a sports car. 

I’d like to know how hard it actually is to do like a weird sit-up and get yourself free of one of these kinds of traps. Am I dumb for thinking it’s not that hard? (Picture: Will Smith is suspended in the air by a rope tied around his ankle, the result of a booby-trap. He’s struggling to free himself.)

Come on, you’re literally a doctor and a soldier. Don’t tell me you’re actually considering pulling that out? (Picture: Will Smith has been impaled in the leg by something. It looks like he’s about to attempt to pull it out. He’s in the middle of the street as the sun sets, and Sam is right next to him.)

Sam is a queen. Here are some photos of her.

(Picture: Robert Neville’s wife carrying a baby Sam - Sam is a puppy, by the way, and very adorable. Neville’s young daughter is walking out of the gate to their house behind her mother.)

(Picture: Will Smith in a flashback saying goodbye to his wife and daughter and crying. Sam is licking away his tears.)

Sometimes I hate foreshadowing. (Picture: Will Smith searching a house. He opens a cupboard and there’s a newspaper article with a picture of a zombie-vampire dog. The article reads “Infected dogs can come out at dusk. Stay in the light.” There’s a number to call for questions.)

Worst birthday ever. Now I’m sad and there’s still half the movie left. 

(Picture: Will Smith sitting on the floor of his lab, hugging Sam, who’s just been bitten by infected dogs.) 

Get Shrek’d.

(Picture: The ‘Shrek’ movie playing on the TV in Neville’s house.)

Ma’am, do you not know how to ration? That is such a waste of food. (Picture: the woman and kid who rescued Will Smith have cooked breakfast. She’s cooked way too many scrambled eggs for two adults and a kid, and all the of the bacon for literally no reason.)

Oh yeah, wanna know what they call the zombies in this movie? 

Dark Seekers. They dropped that one on us well into the final half of the movie. Dark Seekers? Really? I won’t get into how dumb that sounds when you had two options to choose from - vampires and zombies. Hell, go with my suggestion of zomvamps, even vampzoms. Dark Seekers? Sorry, I get hung up on dumb zombie-alternative names. Sure, I get the atmosphere might be ruined by calling them vampires or zombies, but not even lying I didn’t realise she said “Dark Seekers” until I turned the CC on to grab a quote. I thought she said “Dog Keepers” hahahaha. “The dog keepers got them.” My defence is that the dude bro did keep dogs. 

Finally, wrapping this up at 2:15 before I add in pictures, you’re telling me approximately 100 zomvamps made a coordinated attack on Will Smith’s house to eat... 3 people? That’s like me and a hundred mates descending on the pentagon for a fucking snickers bar. We’d get like an atom each. 

Oh, what’s that? They’re here to rescue one person? Really? Really? How in the fuck are they even zombies if their primary purpose isn’t to eat humans. I’m disappointed. But points for a fresh take, at least. 

Now one of the things I remember about this movie is that is has an alternate ending. The actual ending (huge spoilers but then again, you’re in the spoiler section) has Will Smith sacrifice himself (read: blow himself and the zomvamps up with a grenade) to defend the cure and save his new friends. The alternate ending, which was scrapped due to negative audience reaction, has Will Smith communicate with the zomvamps who like actually calm down and listen to him. He gives the dude bro back his friend, and... no one dies. 

I’m sorry, how is an ending where, sure, a cure isn’t found YET, but, the “villains” of the movie are humanised and a new side of them is seen that shows, hey, maybe there’s another way through this apocalypse, better than an ending where Will Smith dies? Make it make sense test audience. Because, remember, there’s still a whole bunch of immune people living out here, and three of them are currently in the same room. Robert’s only been working on the cure for 3 years. How many years do you reckon it takes to cure cancer? Hint: it’s ongoing in real life. Just because the cure isn’t found in the movie doesn’t mean it won’t be found. Ughhhh. I digress again. 

I have more random photos but I am very tired. If anyone’s interested in hearing me roast butterflies, the world not actually ending in 2012, and a missed pun about Until Dawn (even though it was made like ten years after this), and a quick analysis on Robert Neville and God, let me know :) 

Have a great day everyone, wash your hands, social distance if possible, and quarantine. Just because the COVID-19 virus isn’t turning us into zombies doesn’t mean it isn’t hurting us. 

Worldwide statistics, 9/10/2020: 36.2M total cases, 25.3M recovered, 1.06M deaths. 

(Picture: Will Smith saying “I like ‘Shrek’ after just quoting an entire scene of it to win a kid’s trust.)

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Ralph Domzalski’s Guide To Falling In Love With A Sorceress

Summary: Snapshots into the tragic love story of Toby’s parents, Ralph and Megan.

Step 1. Step 2.

AO3

Step 3: Settle Down In (Completely 100% Definitely Normal) Arcadia Oaks

All was silent but for the quiet tick-tick-tock of the clock on the wall.

Then a noise.  A slurp.  Like some invisible person chose that moment to suck the last drop of soda from the bottom of their Mega Gulp Cup, couldn’t quite get it but continued to inhale nothing but air through their straw anyway.

Movement.  The space in the middle of the otherwise normal-appearing office room shimmered.  Not quite like the space above pavement on a blistering hot day would shimmer, but close.  There was something off about this shimmer.  Something that would have sent any witnesses running for fear their nightmares were coming alive.

A shadow, a dark space the size of a golf ball, appeared in the middle of the shimmer and wasted no time in growing until it was large enough for a human to fit through.

Not one, but two, did.

“You’re getting better at that.”  Ralph inhaled sharply.  Traveling via shadow portal felt like, for a moment of his life, something was yanking everything good and happy away.

Megan sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall.  “Well, you know, practice makes perfect and all that.”  She took a deep breath.  “I got us this far, now it’s your turn.  I think I need to close my eyes for a minute.  Making portals is exhausting.”

Ralph knelt beside her.  He put a hand to Megan’s forehead, but she wasn’t feverish.  He let himself exhale.  That, at least, was a good sign.  He’d always supported and encouraged Megan’s experimentation with her magical powers, but this recent one, these portals, were…they were something else entirely from the levitation, flying—fun—spells she’d been practicing before.

“We shouldn’t have done this.  I shouldn’t have let you do this.  It’s too much.  You’re—”

Megan interrupted, “Ralph, I love you, but shut up.  I’m fine.”  She took a deep, shuddering breath.  “The baby’s fine.  As I’ve told you a hundred times, worst case scenario they turn out to have some magic themselves and then you’re going to have to deal with two of us bringing chaos into your life.”  She laughed.  “Come one, sweetheart, that was a joke.  Laugh.”

Ralph stood.  “I’ll laugh when we’re out of here.  Any ideas where the Janus Order keeps their stash of fake passports?”

“In a big bin that says ‘Fake Passports, Please Take One If You Grew Up In A Secret Cult That Never Got Documentation Of Your Existence’.  That seems like a good bet.”  Megan laughed again.

“I was being serious.”  Ralph yanked open a file cabinet and perused its contents.  No luck.  He moved on.

“So was I.”  Megan paused.  “Tell me what it’s like?  In Arcadia?”

Ralph walked over to the first of the cubicles.  “Again?  You’ll be there yourself once we get you a passport.”  He downright refused to let Megan shadow portal them home.  The distance from Rome to Amsterdam, where the Janus Order base they found was located, was bad enough.  But to California?  No, that was way too far.

“I know, but I like hearing you describe it.”  Megan got up and joined him in his search.  “The peaceful little houses, the nice neighbors, the parks.”  She ran a hand over a desk.  “We have to live somewhere near a park, one with a massive playground so our kid can play and make friends.  Oh, and we need a yard, someplace for a dog.  A really active one who’ll lick your face and love you and…”

“Are you sure you need me to describe anything?”  Ralph smiled.  “You seem to be doing a very good job of it yourself.”

Megan smiled back.  “But it’s more romantic and dreamy coming from you.”  She ran her hand over her belly, though she wasn’t nearly far enough along to have a baby bump.  “I grew up in a secret underground bunker with paranoid cultists who believe in an ancient demon sorceress.  If we’re going to have this kid, I want them to have a much better childhood than mine.”

Ralph walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.  “And they will.  I told you when we found out, I would make sure both of you get to be as happy as can be.  That’s not a promise I’m going back on.”

“You better not.”  Megan tapped a finger on the tip of his nose.  “And remember you’re promise that we’d all travel the world together when the kid gets old enough.”

“Of course, how could I forget that?”

“Go find the passports, you ridiculous man.”

“Joke’s on you.”  Ralph whipped out a small selection of fakes out from behind his back.  “I already did.”

“I don’t want to have to ask this, but the seats next to you are my and my husband’s.  Do you think you could move over to the window so I can have the aisle?”  Megan asked the man currently sitting in the seat next to Ralph and her seats on the airplane.  “I’m probably going to have to get up and go to the bathroom a couple times during the flight.”

The man looked up from his reading, first at Megan, and then Ralph, who offered him a shrug.  It really would be best for everyone involved if he just let Megan have the aisle seat.  Sure, her baby bump was only just becoming visible, but she fully felt the effects of pregnancy.

“Of course.”  The man gave an awkward smile.  “I would be happy to.”

A bit of shuffling later and they were all seated.  Megan in the aisle seat, Ralph in the middle, and the man by the window.  Once everything was settled, Ralph held out a hand to the man.

“Ralph Domzalski.  Considering we’re going to be spending the next eleven hours next to each other, we should probably know each other’s names.”

The man waited a minute, where it was clear he was carefully considering his words, then responded, “Walter Strickler.  You and you’re wife, I assume, plan on settling down in Los Angeles?”

“Nope.  There’s this little town about a two hour drive out called Arcadia Oaks.  It’s where I grew up.”  Ralph couldn’t help the pride that entered his voice.  For all he traveled the world, Arcadia was still home.  “My family’s there, so, you know, it seemed like the best place for us.”

“Oh, really?”  Walter’s eyebrows went up.  “You don’t say.  I’m headed to Arcadia myself.  I recently accepted a teaching position at one of the local schools.  Perhaps, in a few years down the line, your child will be in my class.”

Internally, Ralph thought that traveling half way around the world for a public school teaching job in the United States was a bit odd, but he didn’t express this.  Instead he offered a noncommittal shrug.

Soon, the airplane took off.  Ralph let out a relieved breath.  He, Megan, and their future child were going home.

“Happy house-warming!”  Margaret greeted her son with a hug and then barged right past him into his house.  “I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place!”  She stopped in the middle of the hall, put her hands on her hips, and looked absolutely everywhere.  “You got all the baby gear we sent over, right?  The books?  Oooh and the toys, heaven forbid you forget those!”

“Yes, Mom.”  Ralph dutifully closed the door behind Vraxel, who took off his glamour mask and hung it on the new coatrack.

The large troll stretched to shake off his transformation.  Then gave his son his patented “be patient with your mother, she’s excited” look.

Ralph made a face at his father in return.  “Meg’s just upstairs resting.  She’ll join us in a bit.  She was just feeling a little under the weather this morning.  We already called the doctor.”  Ralph held up a hand to stop his mom from going into a massive tirade about proper health during pregnancy, especially when pregnant with a child that wasn’t entirely human.  They were handling it just fine themselves.  “She’ll be fine.  She just needs some rest.  How about I show you guys around in the meantime?”  The prospect of showing off his house to his parents was admittedly very appealing to Ralph.  He, and Megan, had put a lot of effort into turning the place into a home.

Also, it would take his mind off the fact Megan was feeling ill because she’d craved, then tried to literally eat, a raw steak last night.  Neither of them knew where the urge had come from and, as much as they wanted to chalk it up to just a weird pregnancy thing, there was a lingering thought at the back of both their minds that there was more to it than that.

Ralph knew he should think about it, but he really didn’t want to.

“I think a tour of our son’s dwelling would do nicely,” Vraxel spoke.  Like Margaret, he’d taken in his surroundings carefully, but he remained quiet while doing so.  “I see you don’t have any wards set up yet.  I can come by later this week and help with that if you like.”

Ralph winced.  “Thanks, dad, but no thanks.  We tried.  Wards mess with Megan’s magic.”  She’d lost control and set off a bunch of spells when they tried to set up the protective wards.  Most of their kitchenware had vanished into a massive dark portal that had opened without warning.  Thinking about it still made shivers run up Ralph’s spine.  Once they’d arrived in Arcadia, Megan had promised to never use the dark portal spell again, since they tended to drain her.  This one, though, this one seemed like it had sprung into being of its own accord during the chaos.  Ralph wanted anything but a repeat performance of that.

Vraxel frowned at his son.  “Are you sure?  Without them, you’d be defenseless against attacks.”

“Megan and I discussed it and yeah.”  Ralph stuck his hands in his pockets, an old habit from childhood whenever he had to tell his parents something really important.  “Her old cult has never been able to track us down.  They have no idea who I am.  It’s unlikely that they’d think to search in little, old Arcadia.  Plus, with Trollmarket here, there’s like zero chances changelings are just going to hope on a plane and come here.  What would they do?  Settle down into a poorly-paid teaching job?”

“As long as you’re sure.”  Vraxel crossed his arms.  He didn’t look convinced.

Margaret pushed herself into the conversation.  “Lighten up, dear.  Today is a day worth celebrating!  Our son has a home, a wife, and a child on the way!  Sure I would have liked him to introduce us to his wife before the baby development and maybe been able to be present at their wedding.”  This last phrase was said with a pointed look thrown in Ralph’s direction.  “But still, it’s a good day!”

“Um actually Mom.”  Ralph braced himself.  “Megan and I aren’t really married.  It was just easier to get her into the country if, on paper, it looked like we were.  We called each other ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ so no one would suspect anything.”

Margaret stared at Ralph.  Then, very deliberately, she spoke, “You know what this means.  I get to plan a WEDDING!”  

The entire neighborhood surely heard the shout.

Later that night, Ralph quietly walked into his and Megan’s bedroom.  She was curled up under as many blankets as possible.

“Sorry I couldn’t come down.”  Megan sneezed.  She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose.  “I just feel so ewwww.”

Ralph sat down on the side of the bed.  “It’s fine.  My parents are really understanding.”  He sighed.  “If a bit too enthusiastic.  Mom’s determined to plan our wedding.”

“Oh.”  Megan twisted a hand into the bedsheets.  “Should be fun though.  Something to look forward to.”  She looked back up at Ralph.  “She knows that she has to plan it with me, right?”

“Yes, I made that very clear.”

“Good.”  Megan turned away from him to gaze up at the ceiling.  “Hey Ralph, be real with me, do you think I’d make a good mother?  What if this sickness is really some kind of genetic thing?  What if I pass it on to the baby?  What if—”

“Meg, trust me.”  Ralph cut her off.  “You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”  He leaned forward and pecked her on the lips.  “Remember what the doctor said.  You keep getting sick because you exert yourself too much.  Just lay off the magic and the weird food cravings and everything is going to be fine.  I promise.”

Megan smiled at him.  “Ok, just one more question and I think it’s a really important one.”

“What’s that?”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes, yes I will.”

Tobias Domzalski came into the world a gurgling, happy baby.  He was a little bigger than the average newborn, but that was considered normal for his family.  The first person to hold him would be his father, who would stare at him with wonder, and then proceed to make incomprehensible noises at him until he fell asleep.  Toby’s mother also slept.  The birth had had no complications, but it had still taken hours and exhausted her.

Toby’s grandparents were allowed in his family’s hospital room after his family had had an hour to themselves.  His grandmother—his new Nana—entered the room with arms full of teddy bears and balloons from the hospital gift shop (she’d been very busy for the last hour).  His grandfather, who he’d learn was really a disguised troll a few years down the road, carried a couple containers of all the foods he knew Megan and Ralph liked best, also a videocamera to record his first day of life.

When Toby came into the world, he wouldn’t remember it, but he was surrounded by family and love.

“So, you gonna continue hogging our son or you gonna let me hold him?”  Megan propped herself up on her elbow.  She wiped the sleep from her eyes.

“You sure you’re ready?”  Ralph answered.  “He’s really delicate.  If you’re still tired—”

“Ralph, dearest, I just took a nap that the clock tells me lasted an hour longer than the birth itself.  Give me my baby.”

Ralph sat on the edge of Megan’s hospital bed.  “Move over.”  She did, and he settled next to her.  Then, as carefully and as cautiously as humanly possible, Ralph passed Toby into her arms.

Megan cooed at her son.  “Aren’t you just the perfect little boy?  You’re so adorable and wrinkly.  He’s perfect, isn’t he?”

“Just as perfect as his mom.”  Ralph grinned.

“Stop you.”

“What?  Did you think just because we’re parents now, it means I’ll stop joking?  The little guy needs to lead the fine art of comedy from somewhere.”  Ralph gently stroked his son’s head.

Toby wiggled in his blankets.

Megan gave Ralph a Look.  “He’s not even 24 hours old yet and already you’re starting with the comedy routine.  No, I think our son is going to be a magician.  Isn’t that right, Toby-woby?  With a hat and sock tricks and everything.  Ooooh.”  Her face lit up with joy.  “We’re going to buy him a bunny.  A white one.  When he’s old enough.”

Ralph smiled again.  “Well, we do have all the time in the world to see who he grows up to be.”

[ellefsonbeblandadr70insuran-blog]

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[comicteaparty]

December 6th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 6th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Pin Porter Girl Detective by Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Pin Porter Girl Detective by Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett~! (http://pinporterdetective.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Tenor | Shinavar

1) Spense's backstory for how he came along is probably my top fav? It was short, concise, but also revealed the personality of him, King, and Queen all in one go that I feel has definitely helped develop the characters in a way to really flesh them out further and has me curious where it's all going to go now what we know whose 'stakes' lie where. /wording yay.

(Also Shadow!Pin is adorable fight me )

RebelVampire

yeah i liked how spense's backstory was executed. cause at the end it didnt just develop spense, it developed the world, other characters, and so forth. which is not usually something you get with backstory so i liked seeing backstory actually further the story in other ways without it suddenly being a story about spense.

my fave scene is the one where pin is being kidnapped for the king and then she just 180s her opinion cause of the evidence being in her face and then she kicks the fairfolk out. i not only enjoyed seeing a character who wasnt stubborn and basically went "this is my life now," but i enjoyed how many things we learn about her personality from this single instance (like the fact that for someone who didnt believe, she sure knew a lot of those fae rules).

Tenor | Shinavar

I'd like to blame her grandfather for that one a little? But yeah, her survival skills and adaptability and good to see - she'd have been royally screwed if she hadn't been willing to.

(Except, y'know, throwing your only weapon you have )

Han

I just started on this comic and I just wanna say I really love the noir style of writing its going for its really enjoyable

RebelVampire

tbf to pin, shes still a kid. so still gotta make those kid mistakes of throwing the weapon and hoping for the best.

welcome Han~!

i enjoyed the noir style writing as well, though i enjoyed that it took a comedic turn. like the opening scene was not where i expected it to go at all with them commenting on the line quality

Tenor | Shinavar

On Pin being a kid: True! I suppose all her detective work she hasn't had to deal with violence too much.

Hullo Han~ :D

Han

yea!! Im really enjoying it

Tenor | Shinavar

The speech patterns threw me off initially honestly - I thought everyone was much older than they were because it was stuff I've only heard from old detective movies wheeze

Han

the comedic and weird creepy vibes scattered throughout are really nice, definitely stuff thats right up my alley

I assumed a lot of it is Pin is kinda playing it up as kid tend to do, but then everyone started talking the same and I was like oh!!! its a reference, but it seems to be set in a sort of alternate reality to ours

I like how theres no explaining really it just hops in and allows the story to make the world-building as it goes

Tenor | Shinavar

Yes, I did enjoy that too~

Like Spense's introduction just made me go "wat" and need to keep going because "Can't believe in people disappearing but we have a talking bird a'ight what's going on"

RebelVampire

i feel some of it is kind of playing it up. i mean tbf most of the characters are kids or the fae. the only adults have been i think a ghost and pin's mom for 5 seconds? so in a sense it could be like a group thing of playing it up. cause kids do that too. play pretend in large groups.

not to say i think it is pretend. just the noir thing i could see still as the kids just hamming up their weirdo lives

although wait prudence had that whole backstory

although that seemed less noir to me too

more wild west

Tenor | Shinavar

-Nod- That was the impression I had. But yeah could be kids playing it up - considering the fae did it too maybe it's a weird influential thing - - What if it's because they picked it up from the local fae trying to be under cover over the years?

I just have this amazing image in my head of them watching old human films to get an idea how to emulate humans wheeze

RebelVampire

that could be. although i think the kids at least have some sense of difference given that iola corrected that one fae for saying thy(edited)

mathtans

I'm now here, for the moment. ^^ I got as far as about page 150.

Yeah, I really liked the opening as far as setting the mood, the detective and noir style.

I rather liked that flashback scene with Penelope "Pin" (I wonder where the nickname is from) going off on the town history, being very suspicious of the founder. Thought it rang true to her character.

Superjustinbros

Hey there!

Just felt like dropping in and saying ello

gonna be a bit busy tonight but I'll see if I can return later

Tenor | Shinavar

Math: I agree~ also showed she seems to have always had a history or knack for looking at odd things and picking things out that weren't quite right

mathtans

Right. I wonder when she decided to go into the detective business.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Pineburg is not just filled with the supernatural, but numerous human characters up to their own things. Do you believe that Iola is truly on Pin’s side now? Alternatively, do you think Iola might betray Pin in the future (and if so, what for)? Do you believe that Riley will overcome his addiction, or might he find some other way to get Fruit? Besides withdrawal, what long term consequences do you think Riley might suffer from his past usage of Fruit? Will Iola and Riley be a boon to Pin’s detective work, or are they going to end up becoming burdens? Also, do you think it’s significant Pin doesn’t know what her mother does for a living? What role might her mother play in regards to events going on in the town?

Jonny Aleksey

I read from 100 to the current page so I probably missed a lot. I did get confused. Best part I saw would be that whole backstory to Penn's ancestor. Most interesting character stuff.

mathtans

Yeah, that fruit thing really threw me when it first came up. Oh, which reminds me, another scene I liked visually was when Pin got sucked into the other place and there were just all these street signs floating in the air. Great callback, how things made sense later (like the fruit).

RebelVampire

yeah i totally forgot about the street signs thing until they were in that place and i was like "gasp it all makes sense now"

but yeah i agree the fruit thing made me what

Han

oooooohhh the twist with the founder of the town is really cool

RebelVampire

pin has a super interesting family line going on

so many threads

Tenor | Shinavar

2. I believe Iola is on Pin's side as long as her revenge is being sated by the Queen, and the Queen seems interested in Pin if just a little bit. I'm waiting for Riley to drip back into addiction, sadly. I don't believe this will be something he can 100% beat without something to literaly cure it <_<; Magic n' all that. On Pin's mom: With what's all been hinted with the family I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to keep away from Pin fo rher safety due to what all they're wrapped up in. Sure her father might have been the link but who's to say she wasn't aware/told some shit?

mathtans

Seems like the only way to cure a fruit addiction is to have another fae do it, like what happened with Spence.

Tenor | Shinavar

Maybe! I wouldn't be surprised, at least

mathtans

Pin's mom doesn't play a role... but her Shadow does! Gasp!

Tenor | Shinavar

Her shadow wants to be Johnny Badass, I love it

RebelVampire

spense might of been a special case though being a bird and all. and tbf it seemed everything with spense happened in one day? and while magic is involved, you dont usually get addicted in one day. at least in a way that comes with withdrawal

i...actually also think riley is gonna fall back in with fruit if he can get some

cause his withdrawal seems pretty long term atm

without signs of getting better

and that sounds like hell on earth

i feel like her mom has to know something given the fam she married into. but then again pin's mom was kind of oblivious to pin dying

Tenor | Shinavar

IDK man - magical addiction might just wreck the body - though usually depending on lore Fae magic is pervasive but slow, often with intent to make permanent damage. But, that is kinda hinted too with how Riley describes how the fruit tastes and what it's like, and how eventually that goes away and what you're left with. I'd say that at least has shown a long term addiction.

TO BE FAIR - did anyone notice all the street signs were gone too? <_< How much do we know can be seen by others? Her sickness might be seen as lesser and just like, exhaustion. Though at least a doctor's visit c'mon. If my kid can't walk for a few days she's goin LOL

(I'd also want to know wtf my kid is doing to being so exhausted but it seems like Mom is pretty... not on the ball about her kid)

mathtans

The Spense thing on one day? I thought it took a bit of time to get hooked, then he was with the Queen for a little bit too. Though he was unhooked in a day, I grant. Riley needs to find a fruit substitute.

Well, the whole town was exhausted for a while, what with passing out while walking their dogs and things.

Incidentally, I didn't immediately clue in that the King was the graffiti artist, and that's how he was doing his thing. Only dawned on me when the shadow thing came back up.

Not sure if that's a me thing.

RebelVampire

but i guess it depends all about what mom is going. like what if shes fighting the forces of evil and if she stops everyone in the town dies? i could understand just kind of hoping pin is fine for the sake of the multitude of other ppl to save.

i realized it was him when he was revealed as the king

just cause the graffiti artist stuck in my mind

cause he was creepy

complimenting shadows and all that

who does that king

nobody

thats how you give yourself away as a fae

mathtans

He kind of stuck for me what with Pin pointing him out near the start, but I'd kind of forgotten later on, reading in batches. ^^;

Tenor | Shinavar

Shhh he was hiding, so good at hiding

mathtans

That and speaking weird.

He was fae-king it all along.

RebelVampire

brave math, bravo

but tenor brought up a good point. who all saw the missing signs. cause we are walking the borderline between whether this is real or whether this is pretend.

like i think some adult would go "wtf is going on? im gonna catch the punk kids who did this"

cause its an adult's perogative to assume it was punk kids

mathtans

Probably more like, "About time the mayor took those in for cleaning".

Though it could be one of those things you simply can't believe. Like, all of them gone? Must be a problem with me or my eyes. I won't let on, I'm acting normal, yup.

Han

tbh I feel like if it was spread out over time eventually people wouldn't notice they're gone anymore

Tenor | Shinavar

Some fae lore falls into a veil-like magic - which I htink may be applied here. It's hinted Prudence had the ability to "notice things" and this system has been used a lot - basically, you see what should be there because you know it should be there, you can't see the magical reality because your brain either wouldn't handle it, or you haven't been brought into the magical influence yet.

Han

an adult whos busy with jobs etc would become unobservant, and also Im assuming a lot of them could be fruit addicted

yea thats also very true tenor

RebelVampire

yeah i do feel like we are going by veil logic if everything is reality.

mathtans

Ohhh, good point, about the noticing. (A handy skill for a detective, incidentally.)

Tenor | Shinavar

So how much do we the audience get to see?

Han

oh man yea...

and the tree and overgrowth signifying the queens rise of power now that the king is gone is a nice touch

aw man Im all caught up now and I want more

I've most definitely have saved this comic to my bookmarks for sure, its too interesting to pass up

Tenor | Shinavar

Yeah I have def enjoyed this and am keeping it on my read list :D

Han

I honestly just feel bad for poor riley at this point, this kid didn't ask for this magic addiction...hopefully he's cured of it eventually

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Much of the comic’s conflicts are driven by the supernatural Faeries around Pineburg. Do you believe we’ve seen the last of the King, or do you think he’s planning some sort of comeback to once again take the town? What do you make of the King’s ominous warning before he left? Do you believe that the Queen is relatively benign, or is she up to something considering the sudden overgrowth of nature? Could it have something to do with the boon Iola asked the Queen for in order to get rid of the King? If the Queen is up to something, what might her goals be? What other rules of the Faeries might trip Pin and other characters up in the future? Have we seen the last of the Fruit with the King’s departure, or will it come back somehow? Lastly, what do you think the Faeries’ interest with Pineburg is specifically?

Han

hmmmmmm well I have a feeling that Pineburg has some sort of easier connection with the faerie world

like, maybe its easier to journey there and live among humans

either that or because its something they've owned for what I assume almost 100 years they're attached to it like a stuffed animal

Tenor | Shinavar

3) THe Queen clearly has a temper, but I'm not sure what she's up to be. I imagine they're eventually going to be in a territory spat - the Queen understands she can't control the area yet due to the deal, but they could influence things, persay, to garuantee this generation is the last generation <_<

Han

yea I agree, I don't trust the Queen one bit

mathtans

Heh, a lot of that is after where I've read to. As to their interest though, didn't the humans kind of come along and settle there? Technically the fae were there first.

Han

The Queen has clear motivations for sticking it to the King most definitely

mathtans

Makes me wonder about their marriage.

Han

im assuming the overgrowth is the queen claiming what is originally hers---maybe shes upset the king gave away the area that the town now overtakes and is trying to claim it back?

like I know the deal with the founder was kinda like an yea sure u can have the town for a while but its an iou situation eventually, he would've had his way if pin didn't outsmart him

RebelVampire

if they are married

im really confused on that

Han

yea I am too?? I feel like they arent actually married and are in actuality two seperate factions of fae

thats how I interpreted it anyway

RebelVampire

yeah thats how it feels

although the queen kind of acts the jealous wife to a degree

so idk

i could make arguments on both side

Han

mmm yea, maybe they had a fling and it dropped out

its a battle of bitter exes and the town is smack dab in the middle of it

RebelVampire

tho i think at this point they are representing two diff factions. so it might be a political marriage

Han

true!

tbh i would be kinda funny if it just wound up to be like a very long winded version of some sort of divorced couple custody battle over the whole town

mathtans

The liberals and conservatives thought a marriage would unite the fae politically.

Han

im also a little suspsicious of lola, seeing as how she seemed to switch sides so quickly

mathtans

Anyone think Pin might become the new ruler?

Tenor | Shinavar

I think they just need marriage counseling

Hm If Pin were offered, I don't think she'd accept it unless she has no option.

Like life or death over people levesl of accepting

RebelVampire

i think that is a good descrip of whats going on between the king and queen tho. this is just some custody battle XD and yeah im with tenor. i dont think pin would want to be the new ruler unless circumstances dictated it was to protect the town

Han

yea I agree

I feel like Pin is a protector of sorts

RebelVampire

i 100% think the queen is evil and is just more cunning to the king. i think her ultimate goal is to completely push the people out of the town and let nature reclaim it. cause that seems to be her thing. and i think theyre going to be forced to go get the king and say "hey king the queen is worse than you bro"

Han

oooo yea

and then its like the villain becomes the gruntled protagonist

which is a trope I adore

mathtans

King would probably want them to do him favours in exchange for help though.

Tenor | Shinavar

Oh god.

Personally I hope they just manage to mend whatever is allowing such a strong fae connection and just boot them all out because no fae can be trusted

mathtans

Gotta outsmart them somehow.

RebelVampire

i feel that that is more the inevitable end

they somehow get all the fae booted

decide to add to the history books that dealing with fae is the worst thing and just dont

mathtans

Gotta defeat them with iron.....y.

RebelVampire

actually ya know

maybe that is what will play a role

is the iron

cause i forgot about that

Tenor | Shinavar

Iron dome around the town

RebelVampire

but this comic is good about bringing up stuff again

in conjunction with the last question, i trust Iola as far as i can throw her. i think she knows exactly what the queen is trying to do and is just riding the train to the end

and even if she doesnt know

Iola is a side switcher

never trust

Tenor | Shinavar

Well at the ssame time, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and apparently she's taken what the King's done as one hell of a personal slight. Which if he was truly pretending to be her BF I can't blame the rage, but that's dangerous lol

RebelVampire

maybe this is the real lesson from the comic

dont scorn women

because then they go to the fae

and nobody wants that

Tenor | Shinavar

I'd believe it <_< Los of pissed off ladies. Even Pin's ancestor was a woman scorned

mathtans

Maybe Pin's mom is a fae. And Pin is part fae.

RebelVampire

the twist of a century

Tenor | Shinavar

Actually that is a question - why was it her father would have been the end of the contract, and not her? She's still alive. THey hint Iola's family is because the family line was assumed to not continue there so...

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite overcoming her trials with the King, Pin has many other problems left at her doorstep. Will Pin be able to solve the issues plaguing Prudence and free her ancestor? What do you think Pin will have to do to be able to free Prudence? Do you think she’ll have to consult the King, or might someone else have the answers? Do you think Prudence is being honest about just wanting to rest, or do you think Prudence is going to betray Pin after being set free? If the latter, what do you think Prudence’s ultimate goals are? Additionally, do you think Pin will be able to maintain a good relationship with her shadow, or will her shadow attempt to leave to be her own person? How might the split with her shadow continue to help or hurt her?

i assumed it was a generation number thing?

Tenor | Shinavar

4. Even if she has to consult the King I doubt he'd help her - it's his contract in place. Unless she gives up something good I can't imagine he'd be willing to try.

RebelVampire

cause its not iola herself who stays the fae hands

its iola's father

so once iola's father kicks the bucket

Tenor | Shinavar

Oooh, then that would make more sense.

mathtans

I feel like Prudence is sincere, because after hanging around for that long, you'd figure it's time to move on. Unless she really wants to struggle with what an iPad is.

RebelVampire

i wouldve thought prudence was sincere

but then her backstory

her backstory is not one that makes me go "ah just sincere old lady"

mathtans

Hmm, guess I only got about halfway through that. Still, centuries to reflect.

Tenor | Shinavar

I do believe she may be sincere in he "I'm done, I'm tired, I want to leave" because "immortality" can be baaad. And boring, esp if she's by herself

mathtans

It wasn't what she signed up for either.

RebelVampire

i feel like she wants rest, but that doesnt mean it doesnt come with strings. like for example, i doubt shed care if the only way to free herself was for pin to take her place in that mirror limbo whatever it is

mathtans

Mirror limbo... how low can you go.

Is it mentioned how Penelope got the nickname Pin?

Tenor | Shinavar

Rbeel: Oooh that's a good point God forbid she get tired of waiting and trying to make that deal wheeze

RebelVampire

i dont think its been mentioned yet, how she got her nickname

but it might have been said in passing and i just missed it?

but yeah i dont think prudence cares how she gets out and at whose expense

chateaugrief

hey everyone, i'm super late but I arrived! was eating fruit but am trying to stop...

RebelVampire

LOL

Tenor | Shinavar

I didn't catch it either.

FFF also hELLO

chateaugrief

I really loved this comic, writing was very good

RebelVampire

the fruit thing still makes me laugh to a degree cause at first i was like "pin why are you mad about ppl eating fruit? most kids dont eat enough fruit so this is a good thing"

glad to hear you liked it

mathtans

It's all about the veggies.

RebelVampire

maybe thats how riley will get over his addiction

hell start doing veggies

mathtans

Or birdseed. O.o

chateaugrief

haha stay away from fruit children! oh man the birdseed stuff I was dying

and before I knew it I was eating out of his hand!

also the lock picking ad that pops up in the middle

RebelVampire

im reminded of that page

http://pinporterdetective.com/index.php/comic/page-22/

now what i expected but horribly hilarious

mathtans

That reminds me, I was amused at the end of Spense's story when Pin saves him and he talks to her and she drops what she was holding.

chateaugrief

@mathtans another great moment. This comic was full of wonderful pacing and humorous beats.

the character expressions were tops too

mathtans

Yes, the pacing was really good in places. I also liked insulting the shadow ... cut to everyone in a dungeon.(edited)

chateaugrief

yes!

Hanging in chains, no less!

Tenor | Shinavar

Yes, I loved that. I am curious how much of Shadow's personality matches Pin's more basic in he sense of someone who hasn't been taught to be human. How violent can Pin be, for example? <_<

mathtans

That's a good point. Does a shadow represent our darker half? One that our soul still needs to survive?

RebelVampire

that usually is it although im not sure id describe the shadow as dark

less cunning and without the same regard for polite behavior

but not dark persay

chateaugrief

the id, in other words?

mathtans

Except shadows are kind of dark by nature. Because the light is blocked.

RebelVampire

i was really surprised that the shadow did not recombine with pin tho

and that shes still around

mathtans

I kind of suspected there'd be more to it. Maybe because of the one banner showing the shadow behind her.

Tenor | Shinavar

I think because hey've been seperated, they can basically let go and back again? Which may be contributing to Pin's health

mathtans

Which reminds me, I mentioned this a couple days ago, but interesting that there's, like, three different banners for the comic depending on what page you're on.

chateaugrief

did the shadow not rejoin Pin? I could have sworn it did, and that was why she got better?!

mathtans

One needs to be as observant as the characters.

Not permanently, I think?

Anyway, will be interesting to see what the fae get up to. When road signs aren't enough.

chateaugrief

yeah, page 124 http://pinporterdetective.com/index.php/comic/page-124/ did I misinterpret this as the shadow rejoining pin?

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett, as well, for making Pin Porter Girl Detective. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://pinporterdetective.com/

Robin’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/RlittlemissG

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about My Dad is a Magical Girl by Shinavar / Tenor. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, December 13th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://mdiamg.shinavar.com/

Comic’s Tapas Mirror: https://tapas.io/series/My-Dad-Is-A-Magical-Girl

[ryansreallife-blog]

A Young Living Husband

It’s Witchcraft, I Say

I am what you would call a Young Living husband. Skepticism is what I thrived on. Doubting an entire lifestyle came all too naturally as my wife decided she wanted to jump into the world of slathering smelly liquids all over her body. I grew up in a home run by an Air Force Master Sergeant working over 20 years to provide for his family. Rules were strict, and often times medicine was not an option. Dirt was our serum of choice. If we went to the doctor, it was for a sports physical, to mend a broken bone, or to have surgery. Cough medicine was frowned upon as it weakened our immune system. Although this was the view in our household, anything outside of modern medicine was known as voodoo, dark magic witchcraft.

Obviously when my wife brought to my attention the use of oils to take care of our health, naturally I was in denial and refused. I came up with too many excuses to turn down the option of purchasing essential oils. In my mind, it was no more than a chemical fragrance used for perfume. Of course, at this time, I had no problems with chemicals. It took several times of my wife asking before I finally gave in. Of course I still didn’t believe in this nonsense, but I strive to please my wife.

Three weeks after she ordered her kit, the house smelled of various flowers and branches. It smelled like a fabulous apothecary. She swore she felt different; better. I was not falling for her shenanigans of what my faithless mind would assume to be mental weakness as I have seen many a friend fall for the neurological wonders that people create when false hope is incorporated. Every day she wanted to rub the “devil’s juice” on my knees or my back, but I denied, or hesitantly agreed. I felt nothing; not a change.

My wife had struggled for quite some time with anger issues and mood imbalances. She was unpredictable and oftentimes downright scary. One month later she received a new oil, a magical oil. She used it religiously, and after only four days of using it, she was… happy? How did this happen? I was beside myself, looking at the face of a man in utter disbelief. It was just that, disbelief! I wasn’t quite sure what to believe. How in the world did my wife overcome this issue that she has been dealing with in only four days of using one oil? It was then that I thought to myself, ‘I don’t care if it is all in her head, because it works!’ I was so excited and happy that my wife was not dealing with this issue to near the degree she was before. It was at that point that I said, “Okay, let’s stick with this!”

Business? Yeah, Right

My wife used her oils like they were the only thing keeping her alive. What came next was beyond what I expected. “I want to sell these!” She exclaimed. My business analytical mind immediately jumped to: ‘What business model do they use? Is this a pyramid scheme? What about this? What about that?’ I had been involved in pyramid schemes before. I knew that network marketing was a sure fire way lose friends and make close to no money. I had more questions than I did answers.

I replied “I really don’t think this is what you want to do, it’s a nonsense business model with no possibility to generate actual income.” I could tell that this disheartened her, however, she seemed to stand secure in the thought of wanting to sell. So I did research. What did I find? PYRAMID SCHEME! My concerns were confirmed. I knew that it would never work, however, she seemed dead set on selling oils. I decided I did not want anything to do with it and that she could make her own mistakes.

It was haunting me. I thrive and live on research, yet I stopped when I saw the words Pyramid Scheme. I resisted as long as I possibly could until I just couldn’t anymore. I continued to do research. I found resources galore about the good and the bad. The conclusion I came to was that Young Living is not a Pyramid Scheme. A pyramid, yes, as you cannot deny the obvious shape it creates on paper, but not a scheme. I would preferably refer to it as a Risk-Free Pyramid Business Model. Young Living, I came to find, does not require you to sell in order to purchase, but rather you needed to purchase in order to sell. This takes away about 90% of the risk! The remaining 10% of risk was only the risk you face if you do not sell successfully, and that is just a punch in the face of your ego and self-esteem. I started to get a better understanding of it all.

For All the Wrong Reasons

My wife was so ecstatic to begin working on the business side of things. She wanted to sell them not for the money, but for the purpose of helping others with their health and wellness. She found purpose, after so long of not having it at all. I had an excitement as well. Being the business minded man that I am, I was determined to help my wife to succeed. I wanted to help her enroll her first member. I was so intentional about wanting her to succeed, that I sort of bypassed her entirely. I didn’t necessarily help her enroll her first member so much as basically did it for her. I felt accomplished, whether I believed the product worked 100% or not, my salesman hat was put on and I was ready to feel the adrenaline pump again.

I spent the next week working to get my brother and his wife to order oils for their son who constantly struggles with health issues. After explaining and researching and convincing, I was able to “help” my wife enroll her second member. The entire time I was justifying my lack of support and total takeover by saying “I’m helping you build your business!” I wasn’t doing that at all, I was filling myself with nonsensical ego marks. I wasn’t done there. I had to show myself that I could be a successful salesman by selling to the most skeptical person I knew; my father.

After two weeks of non-stop hassling, I was able to get my parents to purchase a starter kit. I had done it, I proved that I could do this for a living if I wanted to. Little did I know, while I was doing this, while I was building up my self-esteem and trotting my accomplishments around, my wife had been falling deeper into depression. I had no idea that me helping her was actually discouraging her. She felt like she wasn’t able to do it at all and if I didn’t do it then nothing would happen. I was hurting my wife without even realizing it. I was doing this for all the wrong reasons, and I couldn’t believe it.

Support or Bust

From that point on I told myself that I wasn’t going to do anything for my wife, but rather I was going to support her. I was going to be there for her if she needed me and I was going to praise her accomplishments and love her in her failures. Unbeknown to me, being supportive was a much harder job than taking lead. My wife is the most compassionate and loving person I have ever met. She has a genuine heart and a willingness to stick her neck out for anyone and everyone if it benefits them. With this amazing compassion comes an alternative side. When she sticks her neck out for others and they deny her love and compassion, she falls hard, not in anger, but sadness that other people do not feel the same desire for a healthy life.

There have been stretches that I can recall where my wife was the most discouraged person in the world, believing that nothing could ever come of the good that she was doing, and to this day it is a constant struggle to overcome these feelings. There are also stretches of time where she is encouraged and has a mission to conquer the world. I remember when she hit the 1K Club, she was on top of the world and ready to take on anything that came at her.

There have been many nights where my shirt has tear stains all over the chest. But for me, these are the most important nights for me to do my job. There was not a job description given to me upon accepting this position, but I am working to figure it out. I would most likely not accept this job If I were handed a piece of paper that stated:

Job Description:

Support co-workers in potentially hostile work environment

Provide in depth research on over 300 products to ensure co-workers are well equipped to give presentations

Be a calming presence 100% of the time while withstanding potential harmful work environment obstacles

Be ready to listen to undesirable conversation topics without responding or intention to solve issues

Be willing to work overtime and travel to retrieve supplies any time of the day

This position does not pay well to begin, but with hard work and determination a following the above strict regiment, pay may increase (there is no promise of raises or increased income)

Qualifications include:

Open availability

Education is irrelevant as you must adapt to work environments

Experience is irrelevant as you must adapt to work environments

Overtime often required

Must be supportive

Must not feel the need to fix everything

There is not a thing in this world that I would rather do than to follow this job description. My degree in Business Administration did not prepare me for this, however, I am the luckiest man alive to have this job.

Looking Ahead

It is my goal daily to be the best cheerleader for my wife. I plan to support and cheer her along every step of the way. What a Young Living husband is here to do, is not to sit in the background and not believe in his wife. His job is to provide never ending support, through tears and through laughter. His job is to be available for anything his wife needs whether it’s research, a shoulder to cry on, or a snack from the local convenience store. His job is to realize that he can’t solve all the problems, but he can work with his wife to come to a good solution. His job is to realize that he is not perfect, and that he is a servant of God, a servant for his wife, and a servant to himself.

Utilizing all of these attributes, it is easy to be able to look into the future. I understand that Royal Crown Diamond may not happen in a year, three years, maybe not even ten years, but what lasts forever is the support I can provide to my wife as she is on this journey to when she does reach Royal Crown Diamond, because she will.

There are a lot of things I do not know, however, there is one thing I am sure of 100%, and that is

I AM A YOUNG LIVING HUSBAND