#yes i understand if you want to argue that art hates patrick

[tomatotales]

whenever I see the worst take I die a little bit

[stitchwraith-stingers]

8 and 14 for hazel pleaseee

I DIDNT SEE THIS IM SO SORRY IM ASSUMING U MEAN THIS ASK GAME

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

only using her for shipping / not being able to seperate her from dev and not the other way around

ill forever keep saying this bc i genuially dont want to argue over someone thinking i hate pancakes but i dont care if u like devzel ok, good on u if u rlly like them like that, i personally think their dynamic is made 2x as boring when made romantic and nor am i personally a big fan of dev (shaking my head to let anon know that i will fistfight behind a costco if u have bad takes on him) but at the end of the day its just two different opinions i wont go out of my way to find content i dont like, and i completely understand how fascinating their current situation is, you are not a bad person for liking them or making content about them and whoever tells u that is a dumbass

but it pisses me off when i or others make "hey what the fuck wheres all the content of her when shes our main protagonist" and people go "erm but i see so much art of her" as a gotcha when thats clearly not what were talking about, were talking about people who have fun with her character and put her in silly senarios

i wont ever not point out how, or how in her own tag its impossible (for me!!!!) to find something where she isnt just mentioned at all and she isnt just "devs girlfriend / therapist" in fanfics, which she has half of what he has and theres only 30 fics where he isnt mentioned and id bet only 5 of them are directly centered around her, say what you want about how interesting they are as characters but neither one has to 100% revolve around the other w the whole wish thing, the way people were calling her selfish ohh my god i can tell they havent watched more then 5 episodes and you cant name anything else about her, i get not finding any of other other connections good but if people can make fics expanding on what the hell dev and irep were up to (guy who appears twice) or expand on dale (guy who appears 4 times + 1 min as a gag in another episode) u can make shit up about them its fine . collect the scraps and complete them out of love

this is just a small thing, so idrc, and as someone who is aroace and just finds shipping fun sometimes (i put characters into a concuction in my head to see what i come up w, its a fun game), the way people would go to other random clips and go "see!!! they like eachother like that" when its like, a refrence to her phone case and shes had an entire episode where she worries for 8 hours BECAUSE she got told someone likes her like that, the way people immediatly jump to make everything about shipping in small details, guys people can just be Good Friends its ok, not everything needs romance in canon and if anything i think this would be the one series which it 100% doesnt need (yes patrick i think the whole tootie/timmy/trixie thing was annoying at a point) does that make sense . like putting a puzzle piece in the wrong place

anyways live laugh love hazel wells she is so cute i wish for everything in her life to go right

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

hm, i dont know alot about fashion at all but i really like the idea of her being punk / alt in general, maybe she does tone it down a little bit in her casual wear when shes an adult but its a huge part of her life lol

[cerberus253]

Drago's beloved girlfriend would be able to introduce him to the holidays? If she likes them, but not Drago. And what gift do you think you could give him?

Drago probably already knows a bunch of the main holidays celebrated in the USA, as well as why they were created and still celebrated. With that being said, I don’t think Drago would celebrate any of them, well, aside from Halloween because ‘tis the season to be spooky scary. If anything, he’d be okay with Halloween. despise Christmas and the 4th of July. and not care about the rest.

Like I just said, Drago would like Halloween because of it’s scary aesthetic and its “praising“ amongst monsters and darkness. He’d hate Christmas because of all the mushy, heartfelt, family stuff. Kindness and compassion for no reason other than just because? Pathetic! Weak! For the 4th of July, and really any holiday like it, Drago doesn’t like it because it celebrates independence of humans. I guess you could also put Valentine’s Day under the “hated holidays“ list, but I think Drago would find that one more annoying than anger inducing.

Now, if Drago had a human s/o, they’d probably get him involved with some of them. Those like Valentines Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are really about being with family and expressing their affection/thankfulness to one another. Yeah, it all has human origins, but it’s also about in general love. Dude’s a grinch because he never felt loved, and therefore probably resents emotional holidays. However, since he is now with someone who absolutely ADORES him, he may start seeing it in a better light, even if it’s for slight selfish reasons on the surface (”Yes! Rain your gifts upon me!”). In addition, I don’t think Drago would be too warm towards strangers and relatives during these holidays even if he understands their meanings now, but he would warm with the s/o for obvious (attachment) reasons. Oh to imagine cuddling Drago under a warm blanket, drinking hot cocoa, watching a silly movie together, and then plopping a little Santa hat on his grumpy face. Imagine his surprise when you give him so many kisses for being so cute with that hat on~ *ahem* Anyways, insert every holiday movie classic with a person hating the holidays at first, but then finally shown the love they never knew, and then they finally understand the true meaning of compassion and family, and boom, ya got Drago’s “appreciating the holidays“ arc.

The next set of holidays would be those that fall under Easter, Saint Patrick’s Day, 4th of July, Halloween, etc. I’m not sure how most people view these holidays, but I look at them as “Fun Activities“ holidays. So, of course Drago would be from neutral to against for most of them for their origins or the “silly, pointless stuff“ one does, but again, once the s/o celebrates these holidays with/in front of him, he’d be a little more open with them. For example, Easter. Easter’s origins is about the resurrection of Christ, and for some reason you go on an egg hunt for goodies and prizes. Yeah, sounds dumb, BUT it could be some innocent fun if done right. The whole activity is to search for metaphorical/literal treats, whether it be chocolate, little toys, stuff you could actual use (stamps, bookmarks, jewelry, etc), etc. It’s all a treasure hunt, and really just about every creature that targets gaining happiness and satisfaction harbors curiosity. Drago would think it’s stupid, but just wait and see what his reaction(s) would be if you hid some stuff around the house, putting some riddled notes with a small piece of chocolate in every single one, and ultimately it leads to his Grande Surprise! He’ll want to resist it at first, but curiosity and greed will get the best of him, and if ya do it right, ya might get him like a cat looking for the scurrying mouse. Er, that last part might be romanticizing things, but still, so cuuute~

And just a quick note with the others, 4th of July is really about getting together, having a cook out and/or a camp out, and watching amazing fireworks to please that primordial brain part of ‘Ooo, shiny!’. Saint Patrick’s Day is purely about hanging out with friends, and Halloween is pretty obvious: Sweets and Scares all the way babyyyy.

Downside to all of this, Drago might catch on to it all being “required to socialize on these specific days,” when in reality nothing is stopping anyone with doing these same activities any other day of the year, well, aside from society telling you “no,“ and maybe needing a permit to do fireworks on any other day of the year, but my point still stands. You can hang out with people any day you want, give gifts whenever you want, and throw parties and gatherings whenever you want.

Holidays are specialized days to do these “extravagant“ activities all around the world and people will understand and be a part of it, but still, it feels all a little forced, ya know? It feels so much better to do something for someone on a whim than doing it because it’s a holiday, which makes it all feel required. Drago would definitely argue this at some point (and I totally agree with it with Christmas and kind of Halloween), but just actually have him Do the Things with you and be a part of something instead of being cut off all the time, he’ll warm up a little bit to it; just a little though. Maybe.

Reiterating, I personally believe people don’t like most holidays either because a lot of people who celebrate it are fucking annoying, or it’s because the former people never had a proper one, let alone had company and any good emotional attachments with anyone. So, what it comes down to is social animals need, well, to socializing, and the lack thereof drives one crazy, insane, and can and will cause mental problems. In a sense, holidays are important so social animals can get together for a yearly dose of needed chemicals to produce within them so they don’t break and become self destructive.

...

A-Anyways, that got a little deep. So, uh, what gifts would I give Drago... Well, he does come off as the type of person to not want anything unless they had some physical use to him, but there probably is some stuff he’d like just to have. So, I’d personally focus on getting him things he would use, like some cool-ass jackets and, if possible, some spellbooks so he can learn new magic stuffs. Ugh, I’m not good at giving gifts... The stuff that would make me feel like I gave him something worthwhile would be hand-made art pieces. I would LOVE to just... make things for him. A portrait of him, a sculpture of a fearsome Chinese dragon, a hand-made necklace, wood carved Chinese Zodiac animals, Bob Ross paintings of what his fantasy palace would look like, a hand knit blanket and/or sweater and gloves, etc. I never feel like “just buying something“ is ever good enough and I need to actually make something because that is the closest thing to the heart a gift can be. Going out and buying things, well, I guess imperial and Chinese looking things because of his heritage, aesthetic, and the suggested power Imperial China gives off.

But yeah, the best gifts would probably be things that he can actually use and its design or whatever is something that pleases him. So, uh, Chinese Dragon biker jacket, dawg. Maybe some finger less, fire resistant gloves or something.

[bcwrites]

The Forgotten Summer

Chapter 1: The Last Day of School

ff.net 

ao3.org 

Melanie Bennett entered her science class. It was her last class of the day and of the school year. She went to sit at her assigned table. Her science partner, Bill Denbrough, was already sitting down with their bridge.

The science teacher, Mr. Nell, had decided to allow the students a fun activity for the last month of class. They were supposed to build bridges out of popsicle sticks. One the last day of class, they were going to test which bridge was the strongest by putting weights on them. 

“Hey, M-m-m-Melanie,” Bill greeted, smiling at her.

Melanie’s heart fluttered. “Hi, Bill,” she greeted back.

“H-h-how’s your da-day been,” asked Bill.

“Fine,” Melanie replied. “Well, except for that class I had with Greta Keene.”

Greta Keene was the daughter of the town pharmacist. She was also the meanest girl in school. She bullied anyone she considered beneath her. However, Greta seemed to have special contempt for Melanie and her best friend Beverly Marsh. She hated Bev because of her “reputation” and Melanie for choosing to be friends with her.

Melanie had English class with Greta earlier today. Their teacher, Mrs. Douglas, decided it would be fun to have everyone in class to share their summer plans. She clearly has a different definition of fun, Melanie remembered thinking.

When it had been Melanie’s turn, she hadn’t been able to even utter a word when Greta cute. “Are you going to visit the other gorillas at the zoo,” she sneered at Melanie.

The entire class (except her cousin Mike Hanlon and Stan Uris) had laughed. Melanie had looked down at her desk in embarrassment and anger. Sure, it hadn’t been the first time Greta had called her a gorilla or gorilla girl, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t upset her any less. 

“Gr-Gr-Greta sucks,” said Bill sympathetically.

“That’s an understatement,” Melanie commented. They both chuckled. “Do you think our bridge will do okay?”

Bill shrugged. “I-I hope suh-suh-suh-so.”

“Alright, lads and lasses,” announced Mr. Nell. “Class has begun. Ye need to be quiet.”

Mr Nell was an Irishman that moved to America in his teens. Many students found it amusing to mock his accent. 

“Ye heard the good sir,” Richie Tozier mimicked. “Quiet down now.”

Richie was one of them. He probably did it more often than anyone else in the class. He was called Trashmouth for a reason.

“Master Tozier, I believe yer accent has gotten worse,” quipped Mr. Nell.

Everyone in class laughed. “I say, Master Nell popped off a good one,” Richie continued in his terrible accent.

Mr. Nell rolled his eyes. “If you’re quite done Master Tozier, I would like to continue with class,” he sternly said. 

“Well, go on then, lad.” Richie really wasn’t letting up.

Mr. Nell sighed and then continued, “Alright, I hope ye have yer bridges ready. It’s time to test them.”

Bill and Melanie’s bridge ended up doing okay. It had broken after having 50 pounds on it. Had it been a contest, they would’ve won fourth place.

After all their bridges had been tested, Mr Nell had given them free time. Melanie had planned to read a book she bought, but that plan quickly changed.

“H-H-Hey, Melanie. D-D-Do yuh-you want to c-c-c-come ha-hang out with m-m-m-me and my fr-fr-friends u-u-u-until school ends,” Bill offered.

Melanie was stunned for a moment. Sure, she liked Bill and got along with him, but they didn’t talk much outside of class. 

“Oh, well, I don’t want to bother you guys,” Melanie nervously said.

“Yuh-yuh-ou won’t,” assured Bill.

“Okay, then,” she agreed.

Melanie grabbed her chair and followed Bill to the table Richie and Eddie Kaspbrak sat at. When they approached the table, Richie and Eddie were arguing.

“There’s no way you can make a better loogie than me,” Richie said.

“Fuck you, Trashmouth,” argued Eddie. “Yes, I can.”

“H-Hey, guys,” Bill interrupted. He and Melanie put their chairs across the table from  Eddie and Richie. They sat down.

“Hey, Big Bill,” greeted Richie. He looked at Melanie. “And who is this lovely lady?”

Melanie smiled, pleasantly surprised by Richie’s statement.

Eddie gave Richie an annoyed look. “You know who she is,” he complained.

“Quiet, Eds! I’m trying to be charming,” Richie claimed.

“Don’t call me Eds,” shouted Eddie.

“Are they always like this,” Melanie whispered to Bill.

“Yuh-yuh-yeah,” responded Bill. “Yuh-You get u-u-used tuh-tuh-o it.”

“What are you two whispering about,” Eddie questioned, turning his attention to Bill and Melanie.

“Obviously, they’re flirting, Eds,” said Richie, smirking at them.

“No, we weren’t,” Melanie immediately denied. 

“Aw, don’t break Bill’s heart like that, Mellie.”

“B-b-beep beep, R-R-R-Richie,” Bill said. 

Melanie furrowed her eyebrows. “Mellie?”  No one called her that.

“Yeah, it’s a nickname.”

“Most people just call me Melanie or Mel.”

“That’s boring. Mellie sounds better. Oh, or Mellie Jelly!”

“Please, don’t call me that,” begged Melanie.

“He won’t listen to you,” Eddie informed. “Once he gives you a nickname, you’re stuck with it.”

Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder. “You know me so well, Eddie spaghetti,” he playfully said.

Eddie shoved him away. “Fuck you.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Eds.”

“I swear to god…”

“So, M-m-m-Melanie,” interrupted Bill before another argument could break out, “wuh-wuh-what’s that b-b-book you h-have a-a-a-bout?”

“Photography,” Melanie responded. Mike had given it to her for her birthday to go with the camera her aunt and uncle had bought her. She hadn’t gotten around to reading it until recently.

“Do yuh-yuh-ou ha-have a ca-ca-mera?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, if you have a camera, how come we’ve never seen you with it,” interjected Richie, joining the conversation.

“I mostly leave it at home because of Bowers,” Melanie explained. 

“Oh. Well, that makes sense.”

Greta Keene was bad, but Melanie would much rather deal with her than the Bowers Gang, especially Henry Bowers and Patrick Hockstetter. Those two were the worst of the bunch. While their other friends, Belch Huggins and Victor Cirss, weren’t saints, they seemed to have limits. The same could not be said about Henry and Patrick.

Bringing up Bowers had led to a conversation about the worse thing he and his friends had done to them. It wasn’t a nice conversation, but it was something they could talk about. Eddie talked about Henry giving him a bloody nose;Bill mentioned Victor and Belch throwing paint on him during art class; and Richie described how Patrick took a shit in his backpack.

“It still can’t believe he did that,” commented Eddie after Richie finished his story.

Melanie wrinkled her nose. “You don’t still have the same back up, right.”

“Of course not. What do you take me for,” Richie said, feigning offense. They all chuckled. “What about you?”

“Huh,”said Zoe.

“What’s the worst thing Bowers or one of his friends has done to you?”

That question wiped the smile off Melanie’s face. She felt stupid for not considering the fact that the boys would want to hear from her. Why wouldn’t they? She brought up Bowers in the first place, and they all told her their experiences.

“Um, I guess it was that time  Bowers knocked me off my bike back, and I ended up scrapping my knee ,” she lied. It wasn’t a complete lie; it had happened.

Bill nodded. “I remember that,” he said. He had helped patch her up after if happened. It was the first time they had ever talked.

“Why are they all assholes to everyone,” complained Eddie.

“I don’t know about the others, but my uncle says Henry acts the way he does because of his father,” Melanie responded. “He called him a turd, too.”

Bill, Richie, and Eddie all had a good laugh at that last part. They continued to talk about several other things. One of them included their friend Stan Uris and his Bar Mitzvah. 

“There’s a church full of Jews, and Stan has to take the super Jewy test,” Eddie claimed, when she and Bill asked what was supposed to happen during it.

“B-but how d-d-does it wuh-work,” inquired Bill, still not understanding.

“They slice the tip of his dick off.”

“No way,” Melanie said in disbelief.

“But then Stan will have nothing left,” exclaimed Richie.

“It’s true,” Eddie said.

Before the discussion could continue, the bell rang. School was out; summer had begun. Everyone was hurrying to grab their things and leave.

Mr Nell spoke over the commotion, “ I hope ye have a great summer, and remember to be careful.”

Melanie and Bill took their chairs back to their table. “Later, Bill,” Melanie said.

As she went to leave the classroom, Bill called out her, “M-M-Melanie.”

She turned back to him. “Yeah.”

“Uh-uh-uh… n-n-nothing. I j-j-just h-h-hope to s-s-see you a-a-around this su-su-summer,” nervously said Bill.

Melanie smiled at him. “I hope so, too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Melanie left the classroom slightly disappointed. She had hoped maybe Bill would invite her to hang out. Sure, she could have done the same, but she feared rejection too much.

If her mother had been there, she would have said, Sometimes doing something you’re afraid can be worth the fear. 

It was good advice. Maybe, she would follow it… one day. Today was not it.

[jodiwalker]

These Are the Best Things Happening on ‘Game of Thrones’ Right Now, Part II

Hey y'all, something bad is coming on Game of Thrones, so just real quick, let's remember the good times in episodes 3 and 4, when teenage assassins were reuniniting with their teenage ruler sisters and teenage psychic brothers. When Littlefinger was getting ragged on so hard. When Jon and Davos had nothing better to do than chalk up the cave walls of Dragonstone with little bitty zombie drawings to prove a point and flirt with Missandei, respectively.

There were Catspaw Dagger references for the most careful of watchers, Jon saying "I'm not a Stark" as a Targaryen dragon flies overhead for the mildly observant viewer, and there's Jon and Dany touching each other's wrists in caves for everyone else who's just like, I don't understand what's happening here, I've never understood what's happening here, I don't care what's happening here, but I will be here until it's all over and Dany has married her nephew, SO HELP ME R'HLLOR.

So, once again, this is not a recap, not a review, just a simple, definitive, and all-encompassing list of The Best Things Happening on Game of Thrones right now (which is to say last week and the week before):

Almost Everyone Playing the Game of Thrones Is a Baby-Child

It suddenly became clear in episode 3 that while the lead characters in Game of Thrones don't seem particularly young when they are commanding their armies and large, magic animals—when they come face to face in a throne room, they suddenly seem like two particularly formidable and hormonal teenagers facing off at a Model United Nations simulation. Except, y'know, one of them recently died and was resurrected by a thousand year old sexy priestess, and the other has a bunch of giant toddler dragons and, like, ended slavery, I think.

I'm, of course, speaking of Dany and Jon, the two most popular rulers at Westeros High. Now, since Kit Harrington and Emelia Clarke are each 30, you wouldn’t think they would seem that young…but they're also both, like, 5'1 if they're an inch, so when they first came face-to-face in episode 3, they more often resembled a couple of adorable Shiba Unus tussling over a Kong ball and sniffing each other's butts, instead of two rulers arguing over getting to save the world in the specific way they want to.

In that sense, their first meeting was a particularly precious reminder of how young they still are. Yes, all the GoT kids were aged up three or four years from the books at the start of the series, but Dany and Jon are still only 22 or 23 as they fight to save the world from heretofore unknown evils—and by that, I of course mean Queen Cersei making ever woman get her goofy pageboy haircut. 

When Missandei announces Dany like one of Blair Waldorf's be-headbanded lackeys, Game of Thrones briefly turned into a Disney Channel Original movie, bringing along all the clashing dynamics of darkness and precociousness a DCOM denotes. You can practically hear Missy saying, "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn, President of the Student Council, rightful member of the A/B Honor Roll, rightful owner of a used Ford Prius she got as a reward for said A/B Honor Roll, Haver of an Afterschool Volunteer Internship at a Veterinary Office, Breaker of Bullies, the Sister of a College Sophomore Who Lets Her Wear His Old Fraternity Formal Shirts So People Think She's Cool, Voted Most Likely to Play with Fire and Like It a Little Too Much, and the Survivor of a Particularly Bad Case of Strep Throat Last Year.

You scared yet Jon Snow, you creepy-loner-who-doesn't-know-he's-hot-and-smokes-cigarettes-behind-the-school-but-secretly-makes-all-As-and-has-a-heart-of-gold-Patrick-Verona-lookin'-ass, you?

If Dany hasn't stood up on the Iron Throne and tearfully choked her way through a rendition of the "10 Things I Hate About Jon Snow" by the end of all this, I will be shocked. Because, as we will discuss later, Dany doesn't hate King Jon (King Snow? No, that doesn't sound right, does it Davos)…not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

The Stark Children Are Happy…Well, As Happy As a Live Stark Child Can Be

Of course that's not even mentioning the actual children roaming around Winterfell with severe PTSD and a recently developed case of the huggies. Sansa's running the Stark show at Winterfell while Jon is away at Dragostone giving up all his weapons and doing arts and crafts in the underground caves, and in her time as a prisoner of various evil families, she seems to have picked up quite a knack for organizing grain supplies and commanding that leather be added to armor because the dipshits apparently haven't heard that WINTER HAS COME.

I thought Sansa would be cool for like an episode or two and then go back to being dreadful, but her recent transition from Little Sister to Big Sister inside the walls of Winterfell seems to be suiting her well. When Meera finally brings Brann back home and after dragging his 6'4 ass all over the North, she gets exactly zero sibling hugs because her brother died protecting Brann—justice (and a warm shower) for Meera—but the newly minted Three Eyed Raven gets a sweet embrace from big sister Sansa. 

He returns the love by informing Sansa that now he can see everything that's ever happened in the world, including the worst night of her life when she was forced to marry Ramsay and he raped her.

Hey Brann, I know it's not your fault that Jaime Lannister pushed you out of a window, and your dad got beheaded, and Theon fake-torched you, all setting you on a fan-least-favorite path toward becoming the Three Eyed Raven but—you totally suck! Someone else can tell Jon he's a Targaryen if it means you having to be all weird to your sisters now that you're finally, gloriously, wonderfully reunited. In this extended high school analogy I've been drawing, Brann is the kid who took one philosophy class at the community college for extra credit and thinks he knows everything now. You don't know shit, Brann!

Okay, fine, Brann knows some shit, and is obviously intended for some higher purpose in this game of thrones or he surely wouldn't have been—quite literally—dragged through all seven seasons. I just wish that purpose was being a nice supportive brother to his super-survivor sisters, which brings us to…

ARYA IS BACK AT WINTERFELL AND SHE SPARRED WITH BRIENNE AND MAYBE THEY CAN GO LADY-ARMOR SHOPPING TOGETHER NOW, WHAT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?!

As it turns out, the already disparate Stark children have become even more contrasted with time and (grueling, awful, traumatic, painful, oftentimes unbelievable) circumstances. Sansa, who was a pretty girl who wanted to marry a prince, is now the Wardeness of Westeros' largest region with a keen political mind and a dude who would fucking love to marry her that she's constantly mocking. Arya was a tomboy who had a real good time at her afterschool swordsmanship lessons, and has since grown into a stone-cold assassin who cuts people's faces off and magic-pastes them onto her own face, then feeds those recipient of the face-cutting to his own family, and then also kills that entire family. Brann has turned from a boy who liked to ride horses into Westeros' creepy Miss Cleo, and also, he no longer goes by Brann, and also, is a pretty constant dick to the women in his life.

That all kind of made me love their reunions even more though. Arya saying, "Do I have to call you Lady Stark?" as her first greeting to Sansa was incredible. Sansa replying, "Yes," very much in the way of Old Sansa, but then turning around and hugging Arya and bonding with her about how much pain they've lived through and how everything they used to know is dead except for each other was even better. And Sansa telling Arya that "Brann has visions," in the same tone of voice you might warn a guest that your little brother has recently gotten really into making his own chainmail was EVEN BETTER.  There was also Jon all the way over at Dragonstone being all "She's startin' to let on" when Tyrion says that Sansa is smarter than she lets on—love those two, sure hope Littlefinger doesn't turn them against each other and shatter my heart into a million pieces!

But simply the best was watching those three rough and tumble Starks wheel and walk their way back from the Weirwood tree and into their home at Winterfell, down a couple family members, not really sure of who they've become, and probably on the brink of being murdered by ice zombies, sure…but they're also together—three lone wolves restored to a pack—and, for now, they're alive.

Of course, it is hard to ignore all that side eye Sansa was giving Arya as she sorted that out that Lil' Sis super-duper was not kidding about having a murder list. But Sansa isn't on said murder list, and hey, she also once fed a dude to his (canine) children, so maybe this girl gets it. Maybe everything will be fine and once Jon and Dany save the world, they can all go in on a family beach house together and parasail on dragons. Speaking of…

THAS-A-MUTHAFUGGIN-LOOT-TRAAAAAAAIN

I've always thought of Weiss and Benioff as kind of cool young dudes who were surprisingly hot and surprisingly married to Amanda Peet (which I would want to brag about in Emmy speeches too, no shade). But for some reason, recently, they've started to seem more and more to me like kind of clueless dads who, were we ever to see their legs in the after-show interviews, would be wearing pristine New Balances with loosely fitted light-wash jeans.

I don't know if it's because I recently fell into a deep dark YouTube black hole where I watched clips of a panel where Sophie Tuner and Maisie Williams interviewed B&W and just keep making fun of them for being old (of note, Sophie Turner is really funny). Or if it's because they're quite literally getting older and making this show where they have to spend three million dollars to light 20 real people on fire in order to make it look like 1,000 fake people are being lit on fire has probably aged them an extra decade.

But mostly I think it's because now that they're out from under the shadow of GRRM they can stop pretending they're dead inside and let their TV pathos flags fly, and that alone makes them seem a lot less hard than they used to. Them talking about how Dany and Jon it's so obvious Jon and Dany have developed feelings for each in the cave scene was just adorable. Guys! They've had like, two conversations, and neither one has made a single inappropriate "bend the knee" joke which they obviously would if they were two real life 19-year olds falling in luv in a cave.

All this is to say that, I am so thankful to them for bringing GoT to my television, but truly, only two dumb dads could have taken this insane, explosive, dragon-fueled battle and called it…"The Loot Train Attack." Or as I prefer to call it: the mutha fuckin' LOOOOOT TRAAAAAAIN!!!

There is nothing that I can personally write that would make the battle where Dany brought dragons to a sword fight at the counsel of Jon any better than it already was, so I'll be brief: It is in episode 4 of season 7, at the end of the Loot Train—LOOT TRAAAAAAAIN!—battle, as Jaime charges Daenerys with a giant spear, that it became clear just how impossibly complex this web of character has become. It used to be impossible to root for anyone because they were all either evil or definitely going to die in the next episode exactly because they weren't evil. No more.

I had no idea who I would choose to live and die between Jaime and Dany. And that is perhaps unique to me because in this game of thrones, everyone can choose their own winner and we can all be simultaneously right and wrong. Just as the people of Westeros are born into certain houses, we all have our allegiances. But the time is coming for us to also make important choices, because things can only be happy reunions and convenient river dives and spare Sand Snake killings and flirty-cave-fun-times for so long. Sides will be chosen, alliances will be made, and main characters will start getting their heads chopped off again. Weiss and Bennioff might be out dads, but if TV has taught me anything—and it has taught me literally everything—it's that tough love is the most rewarding form of parenting.

And also that women always keep their bra on during sex—except for right here on H-B-O!

[thornswithroses]

2016 Books I’ve Read

I had been hoping to read more books last year, but I am relieved to have made it halfway to my reading goals. It is a lot better than it was back in 2015. 

Real Murders (Aurora Teagarden, book #1) by Charlaine Harris

I actually enjoy Harris’ other mysteries more than I do the Sookie Stackhouse series. And I’m glad I only bothered with one of the Stackhouse books, considering that I hear how disappointing the last book ended. It does not help that the True Blood series left a bad taste my mouth after how they end Tara. The Harper Connelly books are actually my favorites, but the Teagarden ones may soon prove to be my second. I like Aurora Teagarden, I like how as ridiculous and delightfully flowery of a name she has, she is a grounded person.

Harris likes to describe the clothing her protagonists wear or want, and while I usually enjoy that aspect of writing, it is rather amusing when Harris does it. Namely, because the clothes she describes sound rather dated and probably would be more suited to someone in their sixties rather than their late twenties. 

The writing is sparse but absorbing, and Harris has a flair for a comfortable Agatha Christie likability in most of her works. This is no exception that.

Would recommend: a cozy but gripping reading to relax at night with.

Ash by Malinda Lo

I found myself so frustrated for sweet Ash. I never really appreciated how much the original Cinderella had to overcome until reading this book. Even her beloved father talked over the healing women of their original village, including Ash’s mother. Isobel is one of my most hated characters this year, for how she abuses Ash. And how much of pain Ash goes through could have been avoided if she had been listened to. 

I am usually leery of love triangles where the queer girl has to choose between a man or a woman. I’m bisexual, and I am very much aware that a queer woman is not less queer for wanting to be with a man. However, we cannot argue that heterosexual relationships are prioritized over homosexual ones. We cannot claim that bisexuality is not often dismissed as a curiosity by writers, most especially by male ones. It is 2017, and this shit still occurs. We cannot argue that female sexuality and relationships with women, be they romantic or platonic, are often dismissed in media. 

That said, I knew Malinda Lo was not going to fail me with how she handled Ash’s bisexuality. I used to follow Malinda Lo’s writings on AfterEllen in my Baby Feminist Years, and I do not regret that. She is a phenomenal writer, whether she writes in fiction or nonfiction. 

Ash’s relationships to Sidhean and Kaisa are different but special in her life. With Kaisa, their relationship has the delectability of apples, a tenderness and subtle warmth that is not written enough for gay relationships. With Sidhean, there is a tension for forbidden lust and the gradual trust they grow for one another. 

The ending is satisfying, but that is all I will give to you. I urge you to read this book, especially as it comes from an author that actually actively works with diversifying young adult literature to the best she can. 

Would recommend: a thoughtful, lyrical novel about a girl that overcomes obstacles to find love and her own independence. 

Mary Reilly by Valerie Marin

This is the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as seen through the eyes of Mary Reilly, a loyal, hardworking house-maid for the doctor. The book is written as if it were from Mary’s own journaling. 

I like the protagonist. Usually, when the perspectives of fringe characters are written about how they view a famed character, they simplify too many matters.

With Mary, yes, she is enamored but misguided by Dr. Jekyll’s supposed virtues, but as the novella goes on, as palpable as the sexual tension gets between them, she is not shy about pointing out the classism he and the world have on her, at least to herself. 

The book also has her deal with the abuses she undergone as a child from her father’s hands. I will not give spoilers away, but it is rather satisfying how she comes to terms with her abuse after attending a funeral (and, no, it’s not her abuser’s funeral.)

I like the different relationships she has with her fellow servants and how we see the grit of her daily duties. As I said before, the sexual tension between Mary and Dr. Jekyll is deliciously intense. It also helps that they are both shown to genuinely care about each other, adding a certain sweetness to the star-crossed quality of their relationship. 

And when the book wants to be chilling, it does indeed do that.

Would recommend: for all your fun, gothy indulgences!

The Name of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

An underrated epic fantasy that seems to understand that the quiet moments of a person’s life is just as important as the high-paced ones. The narration written uniquely, there’s a story-within-a-story with yet another one hidden somewhere under there. 

I enjoy reading older, isolated, world-weary Kvothe and how that contrasts with him telling his story of a younger, bright-eyed him that wants to learn and wants to avenge his loved ones. 

The book is a big one, and it is filled to the brim of so many conflicts and adventures. The humor is vibrant as red, the constant worry of poverty always hitting close to home for me, and his friendships and rivalries with everyone makes one feel invigorating. Oh, believe me, there is plenty of darker aspects to this story, and plenty of moments where I had to take a break from reading because it hurt too much at times. But Rothfuss seems to have the instinctual sense of when enough is enough, unlike the likes of George R.R. Martin and Joss Whedon.

Sometimes I got annoyed with how it felt like the author’s own feelings spilled somewhere. I thought the book could get too dismissive of the beliefs of the rural villages, and, believe me, I hate the concept of a sweet, harmless small town, especially when it mostly features white people. I’m no Stars Hollow fangirl, but my issue is rather it does not look at it through a nuanced lens.

All in all, what issues I have are little compared to so many factors that had me enjoy this book.

Would recommend: for people looking for a rich narrative that carves out many emotions from you, especially if you’re looking for an elaborate fantasy.

Decreation by Anne Carson

I am going to be real with you.

There are a lot of elements to this book that have flown over my head. 

Decreation holds so many references and vocabulary that had me searching all sorts of sources to understand. 

I have been interested in reading Anne Carson since seeing so many snippets of her words around.  It's possibly odd to say that being confused by the book and having to do research to know it makes me enjoy "Decreation" very much. I like books that force me to think. I like books that have the sort of lines that ring well together like a series of synchronizing bells. Anne Carson has an enthralling mind, and I look forward to reading more of her work. If you want to read a challenging book with prose and poetry that is clean and shining like knives, this is the book for you

Would recommend: for people looking for something that makes them want to ponder and to be lulled by the beauty of how words are arranged.

The Poison Eaters and Other Stories by Holly Black

When it comes to short story collections, let's face it, there are going to be stories that you adored, stories you're indifferent to, and stories you just really, really, really hate. For most of the stories in this collection, I enjoyed them immensely. I remember when I read Holly Black's first novel, Tithe, I was absorbed by the lush prose. I can only describe it as like a spiderweb, how it shimmered and ensnared. I am crestfallen that she has simplified that style over the years, I wish YA authors can trust their readers, especially the teenage ones, into appreciating descriptive prose. One of the reasons why I moved from YA literature to adult fiction by the time I was sixteen was because I got tired of the simple style of writing. I wanted to challenge myself more, and I wanted to appreciate the art of language. I still do. Holly Black's style is still not how it was in her Tithe days, but the stories are still written in an eye-catching way. Maybe not like a spiderweb, but surely as the sheen of water. My favorites were: "The Coldest Girl in Coldtown" is about vampire towns, need I say more? "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" had an interesting take of becoming a wolf where it is a flower instead of a bloody chomp that turns you. I will admit I have always had a soft spot for beautiful things that cause horror. "The Night Market" was a delightful romance with a Filipino girl with a port stain birthmark on her face that has an elf in a tree enamored with her, much to her surprise and frustration. It was entertaining to see their dynamic of challenging and outwitting one another, especially over the girl's sister's safety. "The Dog King" was with wolves in a castle, literally and metaphorically. "The Coat of Stars" was about a gay man rescuing his lost love, with the bonus of costume porn. "The Land of Heart's Desire" had me the excellent opportunity of reuniting with beloved characters from Black's Modern Faerie Tales series. The last story, "The Poison Eaters," I love the unique narration, the way the girl that was a weapon became a strategist for revenge. The stories I disliked were few and far. "A Reversal of Fortune" had an endearing pit bull dog, but that's all the positivity I can give it. The story's concept sounded good--a girl challenges the Devil to save her pet's life--but written in such a weak and juvenile way that was also, to put it bluntly, gross. "Virgin" also had an interesting concept but I feel this had the potential to have been expanded more, whether novel-length or just a longer short story. "In Vodka Veritas" went too far into the silly route for me, especially for an interesting concept as having a Bacchanal in a high school prom. The narrator was also annoying as fuck. "Paper Cuts Scissors" should have expanded the characters more, it was a shallow little story. "Going Ironside" was hard to follow and it had a good concept but a lukewarm execution.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

The Goblin Emperor is a political fantasy that is loving and hopeful and does not move through violence necessarily so much as surviving the eyes and gossip of a land that does not always see half-Goblins like Maia in high regards. I like my prickly books; I appreciate the blood and the lust and the anger, and all the other juicy bits of a harrowing plot. Believe me, I do. However, I honestly find the politics here and in the Kushiel's Legacy far more engrossing than in famous works such as Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" series. Maia is proof that having a genuinely sweet personality does not make one a dull protagonist. He is an underdog and coming from an abusive home life will certainly have readers already feeling protective of him. The biggest charm out of Maia however, is how Maia uses his goodness and need for survival to be calculating as Maia moves into the Emperor role. He's calculating how good his ruling should be. That is striking to me. He holds similar characteristics to one of my favorite fantasy characters, Sansa Stark. The characters surrounding him, all differing arrays of morals, are also striking. His bodyguards that are quite the sun-and-moon pair in demeanor and strength, his loyal assistant, his fiance, a passionate warrior girl. All in all, this was a satisfying read and one that I will enjoy rereading again and again. 

Would recommend: if you love character-driven stories set in a lush, intricately-woven setting with one of the most likable protagonists around. 

Carpathia by Cecilia Woloch

Woloch writes of moving, of grief, of love, all with great aplomb. There is a birdlike quality to her words as she talks about her father, his death, love, of moving across so many landscapes. Her poems have the serenity of the color blue. I cannot wait to see read more from her. 

Would recommend: if you want to be lulled by beautiful wording and imagery.

The Divinity Student by Michael Cisco

This book is like reading one long hallucination. The surrealism is everywhere, the horror underlying everything. The imagery is haunting in the best of ways, it feels like smoke clinging to your clothes. There is no logic to this story. You just cannot make sense of it. There is a reason why Cisco is often compared to Franz Kafka.

Would recommend: if you want to pore over surrealism and odd imagery rather than a particular plot. 

Uprooted by Naomi Novik

One of the most satisfying fantasies I have read the past few years. Novik knows how to make twists and she knows how to make those twists flow right. While I could feel old-school sort of fantasy as a backbone to this story, it still stands all on its own. The characters were vivid in their personalities.

Sometimes I had frustrations with Agnieszka, with how much she fussed over dealing with fancy indulgences. There is nothing wrong with her for preferring a rural, simpler life, but it felt tacked-on too often. At least it is not as bad as Hunger Games, where the bad guys in that story enjoyed to opulent, feminine indulgences that had something of a homophobic coding too. 

I do adore how Agnieszka’s clumsiness is not made to be endearing, but a human flaw. I wish to have seen more of her friendship with Kasia and see her relationship with the Dragon get developed more but all in all, it was enjoyable. 

The magic system was also beautifully envisioned and executed. 

Would recommend: character-driven, brilliant world-building, and unique storytelling.

Batgirl, Volume 1: The Darkest Reflection by Gail Simone

I hate the new 52. I hate most of it. I'm probably not going to read most titles from DC for a while. I am still not forgiving them for that hot topic nightmare that is Harley Quinn's makeover. I also have a small confession to make.

As a child, I was not that interested in Batgirl. I liked her enough on the Adam West show. I thought it was fantastic that she was a librarian. I thought Yvonne Craig was lovely. Other than that depiction, I barely gave thought to Barbara Gordon. 

With DC animation, my holy trinity of favorite female characters was Huntress (Bertinelli), Wonder Woman, and Catwoman. In recent years, especially with the passing of Craig, I've come to appreciate her more, value her character, her relationships with others, her strong will, her kindness, her flaws, her mistakes. Gail Simone actually made her a whole person to me when she was Oracle. And while I am still pissed that she is not that anymore, Simone's writing had me cheer for Barbara in getting back out onto the streets. This volume shows the ups and downs of her friendships to people she has known for a long time, the tentative friendship with her roommate that has the potential to expand a lot deeper, and above all, her relationship with both her parents. It always annoyed me when superhero stories got with the Disney Parent Problem, where there was only one parent active in the protagonist's life and how that was most often the father. Here, we see Barbara's mother and how their relationship is broken, and you feel for both of them. You want to be angry with Barbara's mom for leaving the family, but you also empathize her efforts into healing that rift, especially how they're not quite satisfied; no doubt there is a deeper story about why exactly she left. You understand Barbara's hurt but you also know she's not one to deal with emotions, including bitterness, well, and she is not above pettiness and evasiveness. I really look forward to where this goes in the next volumes.

Would recommend: for long-time Batgirl fans and for those interested in getting to know her more.

Ms. Marvel, Volume 1: No Normal by G. Willow Wilson

Kamala Khan has to be one of the sweetest characters I ever had the fortune of reading. She’s awkward, silly, earnest, and good-intentioned.

Some of the dialogue does feel stilted. I am guessing because Wilson is still trying to balance showing real-life issues while telling a story. I know people had issues with how static her family feels at the moment, although from what I’ve seen, they do develop well as the series goes on.

Would recommend: a fun, charismatic read that personally makes me think back to watching favorite Saturday morning cartoons.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT PUBLISHERS

Software and content blur together in some of the most characteristic solutions are not far removed from spoken language that it couldn't be fixed sentence by sentence. I'm not too worried yet. One of the biggest obstacles to creating startups in Europe is the attitude toward employment. They are to the startups of the Bubble what bloggers are to the print media. Paradoxically, fundraising is this type of distraction, so try to minimize that too. Whereas it's easy to raise angel rounds about half the size of series A rounds take so long, but at the end of each film, so they don't need publishers. Something was happening in Florence in the fifteenth century. Experts expect to throw away some early work. Pretty soon you'll start noticing what makes the number go up, put a big piece of paper on your wall and every day plot the number of simultaneous users will be determined by the amount of memory you need for each user's data.1 How much are you supposed to like what you do? They're just postponing it.2

Maybe it's not a good idea to have an active profiler—to comb out references to a deleted object, for example. Perl wins because it has large libraries for manipulating strings.3 For example, I doubt it would be April 1st. I don't want to make large numbers of users love you, but you can't expect to hit that right away.4 That scariness makes ambitious ideas doubly valuable. And now that the web mattered again. A typical big angel round might be $600k on a convertible note with a valuation cap of $4 million premoney. Intellectual curiosity was not one of the only programming languages a surprising amount of effort has gone into preventing programmers from doing things considered to be improper. She's trying to get the right answers than anyone would if they were executing a program written by the architect.

How do you do that? It's hard to find a few smart people to learn from, and the big bang method, is exemplified by the classic seat-of-beggars stage to the silicon-valley stage. But why would they be looking for those? Which route should you take?5 Prestige is the opinion of the rest of your days, even if it is called Lisp.6 We can't afford to have any illusions about the predictors of success. What does that mean for founders? Deals fall through.

It's hard to guess what library call will do what he needs. Plus you're moving money, so you're going to have to deal with than VCs. Till you know that you're wasting your time. That's a separate question.7 I wish its advantages were better understood. I wish I were a better speaker like I wish I could say they were, but the creator is full of worry. It's terrifying to build something big from scratch. When you're deciding what to do.8 The discoverer is entitled to reply, why didn't you? Frankly, the most successful startup founders have had to make it easy to understand what they're saying—in corporate announcements of bad news, for example.

But it seems more dangerous to put stuff in that you've never needed because it's thought to be a missile aimed right at what makes America successful. They believe this because it really feels that way to them. Not every kind of hard is good. The answer turned out to be a doctor. One sense of normal is statistically normal: what everyone else does. Of course, it's not Lisp that sucks, but Common Lisp. They're perfectly justified: the majority of people in America, have some amount of insecurity about where, or whether, they went to college is not just the cost of typing it. Everyone makes up their own story about the Mona Lisa. When people first start drawing, for example—that's not an innovation, in the same situation. It is sometimes hard to explain to authorities why one would want to use. But that's a weaker statement than the idea I began with, that it has to stay popular to stay good.

So maybe it would be April 1st.9 And if you find yourself asking should we fix payments, or build a recipe site? Increasingly, the brains and thus the value of whatever you launch with is as a pretext for engaging users. And they make a lot of code.10 After having been told for years that everyone just likes to do it well. Some of the very best work has an uncanny quality: Euler's Formula, Bruegel's Hunters in the Snow, the SR-71, Lisp. But that's no different with any other tool. Launch fast. For example, when I was growing up. Most people I know have problems with Internet addiction. Most if not all the things we describe as addictive are.11 Once, when I was still trying to convince myself I could start a company by just writing some clever software, putting it on a server somewhere, and watching the money roll in—without ever having to talk to the operating system and to applications written in the coming years will be server-based applications are a big component of Web 2.12

The political correctness of Common Lisp probably expected users to have text editors that would type these long names for them. Even if you succeed, it's rare to be free to work on. At most colleges you can find at least a precedent. The chance of getting rejected after the full partner meeting where the firm as a whole says yes or no. The EU was designed partly to simulate a single, large domestic market. Sometimes I have to think without interruption.13 That's one reason the movie business can avoid becoming publishers, they may avoid publishing's problems.14

Notes

But he got killed in the Sunday paper.

32. What you learn via users anyway. VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods. A small, fast browser that was mistaken, and the exercise of stock the VCs buy, because few founders do it for the most demanding but also seem to be actively curious.

In principle companies aren't limited by the investors talking to you; who knows who you start to have been lured into this tar pit.

Founders are often unknowns. To be fair, the main emotion I've observed; but as impoverished outcasts, which is just like a headset or router. It is a down round, no one trusts that. I was surprised to find the right way.

The only launches I remember the eyes of phone companies gleaming in the right startup.

The liking you have to include things in shows is basically zero.

43. We fixed both problems immediately. To get all that matters here but the returns may be overpaid.

They did try to make money for depends on where you can't tell if it were Can you pass the salt? Even in Confucius's time it takes forever. Zagat's there are few who can say they're not. It's conceivable that intellectual centers like Cambridge in that sense, but all they could not have to make the hiring point more strongly.

This is not a nice-looking little box with a clear upward trend. Or worse still, as in e. So if we just implemented it ourselves, so x% usage growth will also remind founders that an idea where there is nothing more unconvincing, for example, America's abnormally high incarceration rate is suspiciously neat.

I'd argue that the money. I saw this I used a recent Business Week, 31 Jan 2005. Possible exception: It's hard to erase from a few people plot their own, like warehouses. The empirical evidence suggests that if they seem pointless.

What people will pay for health insurance derives from efforts by businesses to use some bad word multiple times. Even though we made comparatively little competition for mediocre ideas, because the kind of bug to find the right question, which is where people care most about art, they tend to say now. It's sometimes argued that kids who went to get only in startups.

This technique wouldn't work for us.

One YC founder told me they do. I've deliberately avoided saying whether the program is no longer play that role, it was considered the most valuable thing you tend to use those solutions. Foster, Richard, Life of Isaac Newton, p.

To be safe either a don't use Oracle. Among other things, they compete on tailfins. It was born when Plato and Aristotle looked at with fresh eyes and even if our competitors hate most?

Thanks to several anonymous CS professors, Trevor Blackwell, Aaron Iba, Patrick Collison, and Sarah Harlin for their feedback on these thoughts.

[flauntpage]

Dear God, Please Change the NFL Overtime Rules

I never should have opened up Twitter after last night’s AFC Championship Game, but I did it anyway. Then I wasted at least 30 minutes arguing with various people about the NFL’s overtime rules.

I personally hate the OT rules because, as currently constructed, you’re allowing for a scenario where the game ends before both teams receive an offensive possession. The Patriots won the ball, which was determined by a coin flip, marched down the field and scored a walk-off touchdown. Patrick Mahomes was glued to the bench and didn’t even get to participate.

Tell me how that’s fair…

.

.

.

.

It’s not.

The main counter-argument I get from people goes something like this:

“Yeah, well, the defense should get a stop!”

Yes, that’s true. Kansas City should have been able to get off the field on one of those third and long situations. They really blew it.

But that’s not the point. It’s not about the defense making a play. It’s about competitive balance.

See, it’s much more reasonable to give each team at least one possession to match what the opposing offense was able to do on their possession. If each squad has an offensive unit and defensive unit, those units should face each other at least once in overtime. We watched an overtime period last night where 50% of the players at Arrowhead Stadium didn’t even see the field.

The best way to illustrate what I’m talking about is to take the ridiculous NFL overtime rules and apply them to other sports.

Take tennis, for instance. Imagine Roger Federer wins a coin toss and elects to serve. Rafael Nadal doesn’t get to serve, Federer hits four aces, and the game is over.

Are you going to sit here and tell me that Nadal should have broken his serve? No, because breaking serve is measurably harder than holding serve. That’s why players alternate service in a tiebreaker. It’s the same thing in volleyball and ping pong. Are you gonna tell me that the serving team should be given a walk-off scenario? I hope not.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to baseball:

Imagine the Phillies are playing at home and the game goes into extra innings tied at three. Yasiel Puig hits a home run and the game is over. He walks it off in the top of the tenth. Are you going to blame Seranthony Dominguez? Sure, but you’re also going to lament how absurd it is that the Phillies were denied the bottom half of the inning. How can one team bat but the other cannot?

Apply the NFL overtime rules to basketball:

You flip a coin. The Sixers win possession. If they hit a three-pointer, they win the game, but if they hit a two-pointer, the Nets get a chance to have the ball.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to soccer:

One team gets to take all of their penalty kicks first. If they convert all five, the game is over, and the other team doesn’t get a chance to line up and match them.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to gymnastics:

Mary Lou Retton gets to do her floor routine first. If she scores a 10, she wins. If she scores a 9, then her opponent gets to do her floor routine.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to mixed martial arts:

Daniel Cormier starts with side control over Derrick Lewis. If Lewis gets up off the mat, he then gets a chance to start in side control. But if he doesn’t, he loses.

See? See how dumb it is?

I could sit here and give you a million examples, but you get the point. If a coin flip is going to determine an offensive possession or service, then the fairest way to write the rules is to allow the opposing team an opportunity to match. Instead we’re rolling out tired defenses against elite quarterbacks in a sport where the offense is typically on the front foot, especially in the modern day NFL, where recent rule changes have proven advantageous to offensive units.

I really like the way college football handles overtime. Start each offense on the 25 yard line. Score a touchdown, kick a field goal, or do neither. Then the other team comes out and gets a shot to match or outdo what the opponent just did. If teams match each other into the third overtime, scoring a touchdown comes with a mandated two-point conversion attempt. There are no scenarios where Dwayne Haskins or Trevor Lawrence are forced to sit on the bench.

And regardless of whether or not the rule is fair, the NFL is just shooting itself in the foot from a marketing and entertainment standpoint. Everybody watching on TV wanted to see Mahomes get the ball in overtime. Likewise, if Mahomes had gone down the field and scored, we would have been robbed of another potentially spectacular Tom Brady comeback effort.

The NFL overtime rules are indisputably lame. Even the dude from 98 Degrees understands this:

If college football can get overtime right, why can’t the @NFL ? A whole season comes down to OT and your MVP QB doesn’t even touch the ball? Ridiculous. Should it really be determined by a coin flip? It’s not that hard guys! #AFCChampionshipGame

— Nick Lachey (@NickLachey) January 21, 2019

The post Dear God, Please Change the NFL Overtime Rules appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Dear God, Please Change the NFL Overtime Rules published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[flauntpage]

Dear God, Please Change the NFL Overtime Rules

I never should have opened up Twitter after last night’s AFC Championship Game, but I did it anyway. Then I wasted at least 30 minutes arguing with various people about the NFL’s overtime rules.

I personally hate the OT rules because, as currently constructed, you’re allowing for a scenario where the game ends before both teams receive an offensive possession. The Patriots won the ball, which was determined by a coin flip, marched down the field and scored a walk-off touchdown. Patrick Mahomes was glued to the bench and didn’t even get to participate.

Tell me how that’s fair…

.

.

.

.

It’s not.

The main counter-argument I get from people goes something like this:

“Yeah, well, the defense should get a stop!”

Yes, that’s true. Kansas City should have been able to get off the field on one of those third and long situations. They really blew it.

But that’s not the point. It’s not about the defense making a play. It’s about competitive balance.

See, it’s much more reasonable to give each team at least one possession to match what the opposing offense was able to do on their possession. If each squad has an offensive unit and defensive unit, those units should face each other at least once in overtime. We watched an overtime period last night where 50% of the players at Arrowhead Stadium didn’t even see the field.

The best way to illustrate what I’m talking about is to take the ridiculous NFL overtime rules and apply them to other sports.

Take tennis, for instance. Imagine Roger Federer wins a coin toss and elects to serve. Rafael Nadal doesn’t get to serve, Federer hits four aces, and the game is over.

Are you going to sit here and tell me that Nadal should have broken his serve? No, because breaking serve is measurably harder than holding serve. That’s why players alternate service in a tiebreaker. It’s the same thing in volleyball and ping pong. Are you gonna tell me that the serving team should be given a walk-off scenario? I hope not.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to baseball:

Imagine the Phillies are playing at home and the game goes into extra innings tied at three. Yasiel Puig hits a home run and the game is over. He walks it off in the top of the tenth. Are you going to blame the Seranthony Dominguez? Sure, but you’re also going to lament how absurd it is that the Phillies were denied the bottom half of the inning. How can one team bat but the other cannot?

Apply the NFL overtime rules to basketball:

You flip a coin. The Sixers win possession. If they hit a three-pointer, they win the game, but if they hit a two-pointer, the Nets get a chance to have the ball.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to soccer:

One team gets to take all of their penalty kicks first. If they convert all five, the game is over, and the other team doesn’t get a chance to line up and match them.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to gymnastics:

Mary Lou Retton gets to do her floor routine first. If she scores a 10, she wins. If she scores a 9, then her opponent gets to do her floor routine.

Apply the NFL overtime rules to mixed martial arts:

Daniel Cormier starts with side control over Derrick Lewis. If Lewis gets up off the mat, he then gets a chance to start in side control. But if he doesn’t, he loses.

See? See how dumb it is?

I could sit here and give you a million examples, but you get the point. If a coin flip is going to determine an offensive possession or service, then the fairest way to write the rules is to allow the opposing team an opportunity to match. Instead we’re rolling out tired defenses against elite quarterbacks in a sport where the offense is typically on the front foot, especially in the modern day NFL, where recent rule changes have proven advantageous to offensive units.

I really like the way college football handles overtime. Start each offense on the 25 yard line. Score a touchdown, kick a field goal, or do neither. Then the other team comes out and gets a shot to match or outdo what the opponent just did. If teams match each other into the third overtime, scoring a touchdown comes with a mandated two-point conversion attempt. There are no scenarios where Dwayne Haskins or Trevor Lawrence are forced to sit on the bench.

And regardless of whether or not the rule is fair, the NFL is just shooting itself in the foot from a marketing and entertainment standpoint. Everybody watching on TV wanted to see Mahomes get the ball in overtime. Likewise, if Mahomes had gone down the field and scored, we would have been robbed of another potentially spectacular Tom Brady comeback effort.

The NFL overtime rules are indisputably lame. Even the dude from 98 Degrees understands this:

If college football can get overtime right, why can’t the @NFL ? A whole season comes down to OT and your MVP QB doesn’t even touch the ball? Ridiculous. Should it really be determined by a coin flip? It’s not that hard guys! #AFCChampionshipGame

— Nick Lachey (@NickLachey) January 21, 2019

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