#yes i am really going to drop a 55 second animation on you all from out of nowhere you're welcome

[spread-the-influence]

heartbreaking : ragdoll FORCED to take ACCOUNTABILITY for her ACTIONS oh and there's a minor flash warning too i guess

i've doused this entire thing in symbolism so none of this are comic spoilers if you're wondering , though feel free to read into it . anyways i can't stop listening to this song i might as well put it in someone else's head . it's elephant man by kabaret sybarit .

[sunnychuuya]

Pookie what the flip is this I'll answer them tho lmao at least I'll try it might be slightly venty so srry about thar

yea most of the time I geuss. They suck a little sometimes but they try their best and I love them

2. My gc with my besties to say gn

3. So. So. So fucking much.

4. Its been getting a lot better lately but some days I still feel actually sickened at the sight of my own body

5. Single..

6. Painlessly. Hopefully much much later.

7. Taco belllll

8. I did soccer for a year when I was 4 and I want to attempt figure skating at some point, I'm really good at goalie in alot of games though

9. No I have two fake teeth that stop me from doing that (lore drop!!)

10. Never been in a fight. Just one sided against me if I wasn't absolutely fucking terrified of getting in trouble I would've beaten the shit outta some people, I suppose the closest thing I ever got was in 5th grade some dude was a repeated bully of mine I can't remember what it was about this time but he fucking grabbed my arm and twisted it like this fucking close to breaking it and I tried to kick him in the balls and a teacher yelled at me 🥰 he had no consequences

11. I mean I'm a Lil confused. I just got out of my first ever real relationship and I'm still recovering tbh. But I had liked my friend for three years previously and I still love him alot but I can't tell if it's platonic or not. I think it is now?

12. O n l y 48 hrs?

13. I hate alot of people tbh but I kinda hate myself for hating them cuz that's normal

14.yea

15. MY SILLY PUPPIES (one is 11 years old)

16. Fucking terrified cuz I'm about to play the second episode of sally face

17. I still have my lip virginity bro

18. HELL SPAWN

19. Maybe. I kinda wanna be a little kid again but also it wasn't the greatest for me outside of my house so I don't even know.

20. bRO PELASE STOP I HAVENT-

21. Nothing lmao

22. Idk maybe someday. Probably one maximum 2

23. Basic ear piercings but God I want more

24. English and science.

25. Yes.

26. Physical touch I need to cuddle up with someone right now I genuinely feel like I'm dying

27. I mean yea and I feel horrendous about it it broke my heart too but it wasn't a healthy relationship and was fucking up both of us

28. YES IN FUCKING FIFTH GRADE- I SWEAR TK GOD- I don't think he understood but like bruh

29. Please you're making me want to grab a knife and take it to my stomach I didn't want too but it needed to happen.

30. Same as sai, the questiond about relationships but for a different reason like God I felt horrendous enough already

31. Sai how fuckin dare you I love u okay ur like super cool and fun and I feel if I met you irl I would've wanted to be friends with you too. But I'm pretty sure I am. I just still sometimes have trouble believing it.

32. OURPLE

33. Whaaat noooo- WHO FUCKING TOLD YOU-

34. Last one thar wasn't jusr black was about choso from jjk and it was really silly I'm such a fucking degenerate bro help me

35. My dog clifford

36. Yes oh fuck yes I do and it has given me some of my worst regrets in life

37. Forgive, barely ever turns out well tho.

38. I wish its sucked tbh

39. NEVAH

40. proly when I was like a baby

In skipping numbers too for my brain to work

51. Tacoss

52. I mean technically yes it does I could go into science but I'm sure thats not what you mean, but no I do not believe everything happens for a reason because of some higher power or whatever

53. Played sally face for an hour then texted some friends cuz I was too fucking scared to sleep

54. Fuck no

55. I try not to be

56. None

57. I dunno.

58. Rainy

59. Yesss

60. Yup

61. Yeess

62. Idk alot of things surprisingly anime/friends/kpop tho r all great and video games

63. I like my name but it doesn't always feel like it fits but there's nicknames that help :3

64. STOP THIS

65. Heyyy this happened to me. I politely turned him down and we r still besties I went to his house 2 weeks ago

66. Yes. Same friend. When I went to his house he snorted fun dip and I RANTED to him about kpop for 30 minutes even tho he knows nothing

67. OH FUCK WAIT ONE OF MY BESTIES ID A TRANS DUDE I FORGOT HE TECUNIXALLY COUNTS AS OPPOSITE SEX KINDA IDK CUZ SEX IS LIKE ??? I DONT FUCKIN KNOW IG HIM BUT IF WE DONT MEAN GENDER BUT SEX THEN THE SAME DUDE FROM THE LAST TWO

68. Deepest within the last month was a 3am sleepover chat with my bestie over how mha saved my life

69. Idk

70. Yea at least 10 ppl

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow totally understand if u don't feel like answering these btw they r kinda hard

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[lovemesomesurveys]

What name do you go by? Stephanie. 

Is that your real name or a nickname? It’s my real name.  What day of the week is it? It’s Monday and it’s also Halloween. ~spooky time~ What does that mean you have to do today? All I’m doing is ordering a pumpkin shaped pizza, eating a ton of candy, and watching scary movies.  Are you currently in the second story of a building? No, I live in a single story home.

Look past your computer screen, what's in front of you? My TV. Who was the last music artist you listened to a song by? I don’t remember at the moment.  Have you driven anywhere today? I don’t drive. Have you ever written or drew something on a dollar bill? No. Have you ever found one with a phone # on it & called it? No. If so, what happened? -- What was your favorite childhood game to play with your friends? I liked playing house.  Where did you get your favorite pet from? I only have one pet and we adopted her from a local shelter.  Have you ever called animal control on anyone? No. What are your plans for the coming weekend? I don’t have any. Who was the last person you spoke to in person? My mom. Do you prefer wearing hoodies to coats? Yeah. Is there anything written on the shirt you are wearing? Just ‘Hello Kitty.’ Do you own a tie dyed shirt? I own a few. Did you make it yourself? No. Have you ever been to another continent? Nope. Have ever had more than $500 in cash on your person at one time? Yes. Do you ever go out of your way to avoid someone? Yes. What was your last voicemail about? It was an automated one from my pharmacy. Are you currently wearing a belt? No, I don’t wear belts.  How many days is it until Christmas? 55 days.  Will it be Christmas before it is your birthday? I’ve already had my birthday this year. How much was gas the last time you looked? Like 5-something, I think.  Is there someone who would support you no matter what? My mom. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I really don’t know. I pray it’s not the same situation I’m in now.  If you got pregnant by the last person you hugged, what would that be like? Uh, she’s my aunt.... Is there any actual chance you could be pregnant right now? There’s zero chance that I am pregnant.  Do you know how to make hemp jewelry? No. Do you still get carded when you try and buy things you're old enough to? Yeah. What was the last movie you bought? I don’t remember; I haven’t bought a movie in so long.  What was the last movie you saw in theaters? The newest Doctor Strange movie. I normally would have been several times since then, but I was in the hospital for 3 months and I’m still bedridden at home.  What was the last movie you watched by yourself? Halloween 4. Is there someone you'd drop everything for if you could see them right now? I’m able to see who I want to see right now. Do you think the drinking age in the US should be lowered to 18? No. What is your birthstone? Ruby. Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? No. Do you have any relatives who were born in another country? No. Would you rather visit Iceland for a week or Rome for a day? Iceland for a week.  Do you kiss on the first date? I would if I felt it was right and comfortable enough to do so. What was the last thing to embarrass you? Hmm. Who was the last person you rode in a vehicle with? The transportation driver.  What were you doing at this time yesterday? I was surprisingly asleep already.  What was the last thing you cooked? I haven’t cooked since May, but it was probably ramen. It’s the only thing I cook besides stuff I can easily heat up in the microwave or throw in the oven.  Do you believe most people are good people deep down? Most people, yes. Do you tend to hold grudges? No. Who was the last person to see you cry? My mom. When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? *shrug* When was the last time you slept in a bed not your own? During my hospital stay May-August.  When was the last time you slept on something other than a bed? I don’t know. What is in your pockets right now? I don’t have any pockets. I never use them though anyway.  What will you probably be doing at this time tomorrow? Likely the same thing. Who do you look more like, your dad or your mom? My mom. Do you get along with your parents usually? Yes. How do you feel about the last person you shared a kiss with? I don’t have romantic feelings for him anymore, but no bad feelings either. I hope he’s well.  Where is your best friend at the moment? She’s asleep. Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Nope. Are you an optimist? I’m Miss Pessimist.  Describe your current mood: Right now I’m just tired. 

[lokidoki-imagines]

Bedroom Hymns Part II

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: Mentions of sex, second hand embarrassment, enemies-friends-lovers, swearing

If you wanna be on the tag list, please inbox me as I think most people on my old one probably don’t wanna be now I’ve been gone that long 😂🙈

Word Count: 1520

“Good morning Y/N.”

You steeled yourself to look up and meet his eyes, cheeks burning furiously as you met his eyes they held something you couldn’t quite place.

“Ah brother!” Thor boomed as you kept eye contact with Loki, “I was beginning to think you were off causing more mischief.”

Pulling his gaze away he stepped around you, leaving you standing frozen in the doorway. “I was sleeping.” You watched him as he pottered around the kitchen as if nothing had happened, placing bread in the toaster and pouring himself a cup of steaming coffee...you weren’t sure what you were expecting.

“Must have been some sleep, you’re usually an early riser.” Thor probed as Loki leant easily against the opposite counter.

“Oh it was.” He smirked into his coffee cup, his eyes flicking briefly over to yours as he took a sip.

With burning cheeks you wanted to say something, anything, in that moment. You realised that the issue with that however, would be that it would allude to your friends what you did, or rather who you did last night.

“Y/N shall I show you that dress I was telling you about?” Confused, you made to tell Jane that she hadn’t told you about a dress, grabbing your arm and walking away you followed after Jane until you reached her room.

“You slept with Loki?!” She shouted as your eyes widened and cheeks grew hot as you stuttered. “What? No. Loki? Psh.” Laughing a little you turned around and rearranged her sofa cushions.

You could feel her eyes on your back, “You did!” She gasped, “You slept with Loki!”

Face crumpling you spun around and clamped a hand over her mouth, “Shhhh! Shh!”

You moved your hand away as a smug grin worked its way onto her face. “Say it any louder and the whole bloody compound will hear you.” You muttered as you sank onto the sofa. Pulling your hair through your hands you sighed at your friend, “Go on.” You gestured.

“How was it? Did you enjoy it? Are you two a thing now then? How many times?” You watched as her face and arms became more and more animated as the questions continued. “How did you -”

“Okay!” You cut her off squeezing your eyes shut, “Okay.” Taking a deep breath in you shrugged. “I can’t really remember -”

“Bullshit!” Jane laughed as she sat on the coffee table opposite you.

“Fine!” You flopped backwards on the sofa and covered your face with your hands, “Fine! I can remember most of it and it was probably hands down the best sex I’ve had to date, happy?” Sitting up and rubbing your face you smiled, “Great talk Jane, do me a favour and don’t mention this to lover boy?”

Standing up and moving to the door she tugged you back, shoving you back onto the sofa. “Oh no, you’re not getting away that easily.”

Silence filled the room as you both sat lost in your own thoughts.

“Did you wrap it?” Eyes trained on the ceiling you were caught off guard. “What?”

“Did you wrap it?” She repeated as your mind whirled. Did you? You couldn’t remember. You didn’t see one this morning and there wasn’t a wrapper on the bedside table. How did he -

“Shit.” You mumbled, the memory of Loki definitely not pulling out played back in your head. “Shit!” You shouted sitting bolt upright searching the sofa for your phone.

“Y/N it’s fine I’m sure,”

Grabbing your phone you shouted a quick sorry to Jane as you ran out, one destination in mind. Running back to your room you stripped off and pulled on last nights jeans and a sweater before grabbing your purse and racing out the door.

Out the door and straight into Loki. Again.

“Shit Loki!” He looked down at you as you picked up your fallen purse.

“We've got to stop meeting like this.” He joked, was that nerves in his voice? “I’m sure the last time I saw those jeans they were on my bedroom floor.”

Straightening up you nodded along before walking away. “Hey,” he called, jogging quickly to catch up with you. “hey, wait.” Grabbing your wrist he pulled you to a stop, a questioning look on his face. “Am I so bad that you can’t even talk -”

“I-need-to-get-the-morning-after-pill.” Cutting him off embarrassed you watched his face morph into more confusion. Please don’t make me explain this Loki.

“I don’t follow, what’s the morning after pill?” Ignoring the way his eyebrows quirked inwards a little as he spoke, you frowned.

With a hammering heart you shrugged him off and walked away, “Use your imagination Loki.”

He was quick at your heels down the corridor as you took a right. “Will you just stop and -” You took a left, “Y/N for the love of -”

“Hey!” You squealed, feeling arms wrap around your waist as he picked you up. He dropped you in an alcove, once again with your back against the wall and him caging you in. “Will you please just explain.”

Groaning as you dragged your hands over your face for the 10th time that morning you looked up at him, ignoring your shaky voice. “It’s birth control.” He stared blankly. “To stop me from getting pregnant? After we did the two man tango?” His face seemed to drop as it sunk in. “There we go, now he realises what I mean.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Can you just not joke for just one minute -”

“Oh trust me, I’m so beyond joking right now.”

You stayed there for a beat or two, neither of you speaking or moving. You watched as he seemed to be fighting with himself on what to say, you always assumed that Loki would have been skilled with the ladies. A smooth talker through and through since he always seems to have an answer for everything, but now, stood here in an alcove in pyjamas, the Silvertongue was stuck for words.

You put an awkward hand on his arm, pulling is attention back to you. “I need to go to the pharmacy now.”

Nodding mutely, he stepped aside as you walked away.

“Y/N?” He called as you went to turn the corner. “I’m sorry.”

Frowning, you walked away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having to explain to the old man in the pharmacy that you needed the morning after pill was the most mortifying experience to date.

He’d started off by saying how much you looked like his granddaughter, how much of a good girl she is and how much of a good girl you must be because you’re so alike.

‘It’s that angelic face of yours’

He didn’t think you were so angelic when you asked for the morning after pill.

After questions about nearly everything save for the positions you two did, you finally managed to take that bloody pill.

“$55 for this,” You mumbled to yourself in your car as you looked at the tiny pill between your fingers. Popping it in your mouth and taking a drink of water, you swallowed quickly before chucking the bottle on your passenger seat.

Message from Jane: ‘Did you take it yet?’

“Thank God, yes.” You spoke out loud, typing away as another message came through.

‘We need to talk. Properly.’

You know you needed to. There was no point in avoiding it forever, it wouldn’t be too awkward right? You had already seen him after all. And it’s not like you’d been caught by him this morning when you were butt ass naked.

Almost all of your memories from the previous night had come back by this point, the hangover had worn off with the help of some painkillers and berocca. You leant against the steering wheel as the memories played out over and over.

“You know, you’re not so bad when you're not faking it.” You giggled, leaning back against the island. “Faking it?” He laughed from opposite you, his arms folded over his chest.

Placing your cocktail down behind you, you nodded. “Yeah you faker, with the whole ‘I’m better than all of you’ act you do. Like you don’t ever want to get close to anyone.”

“Oh? I never want to get close to anyone?”

Licking your lips you couldn’t help but notice how nice Loki looked in a white shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows which exposed his toned arms, something you’d never noticed before. “Nah, otherwise you’d let someone in. Even if it was just Thor.”

Loki pushed away from the counter and stalked closer slowly, his eyes fixed on the ground. “And what if I wanted someone other than Thor?” Placing his hands either side of your hips, you watched as his eyes raked up your body, the strong smell of his Asgardian mead falling from his lips.

“Oh?” You breathed, your vision swimming as you tilted your head upwards.

“Oh.” He replied, closing the gap as your lips met.

Throwing your phone next to your bottle, you ignored the text and began driving home, your vision swimming once again.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15/05/2021 (Coldplay, J. Cole, Trippie Redd & Playboi Carti)

I’m awful at predicting this chart, I really am, but most of that is probably down to how I only make vague predictions at the end of each episode without even considering most releases that’ll actually chart. Let’s just say I didn’t expect nine new arrivals this week. At the top, however, little has changed as the absolutely huge “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne with a remix featuring whoever the hell is spending its second week at #1. The rest of the chart, however, gets a bit more interesting. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

The biggest story to effect the chart this week is of course 2021’s BRIT Awards happening this Tuesday, which I’m sure boosted a lot of songs during the mid-week. I also actually covered the awards show on that day if you’re curious, with some of my observations, predictions and opinions. We can very clear see – or hear, for that matter – the impact of the BRIT Awards in this week’s chart, as it did cause a lot of gains and new arrivals that shook up the chart right in the middle of the tracking week. Firstly, we do have some drop-outs from the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, only one of them, “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy, being all that important given it was a top five hit but we do have a handful that lasted five or more weeks or peaked in the top 40, like “Medicine” by James Arthur flopping embarrassingly, “Addicted” by Jorja Smith dropping out to prepare for the rebound next week given her album release and “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake.

Speaking of Drake, he also provides the singular returning entry as “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby is proving to be the actual hit from that three-pack from March, coming back to #65. Scaling down the chart, we also have some notable losses, songs that dropped at least five spots on this week’s chart. Those that fell include “Your Power” by Billie Eilish dropping harshly to #15 off of the debut, as well as “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #18, “Confetti” by Little Mix to #21 off of the return (with Saweetie, the artist quite literally solely the reason it’s had this second wind, still bizarrely left without a credit by the UK Singles Chart), “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #27, “Titanium” by Dave at #31, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted (yes, THEY’RE credited) at #36, “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G at #42, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #44, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #47, “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack at #49, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #51, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 and Megan Thee Stallion at #55, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #56, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK at #59, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #67, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae at #69, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #70, “Hold On” by Justin Bieber getting ACR’d at #71, “Streets” by Doja Cat at #73 and finally, “6 for 6” by Central Cee at #75.

Filling up the room for those losses, however, are the gains, always a tad more interesting, as the songs that rose at least five spots on this week’s chart – or make their first appearance in the top 40, 20 or 10 – are usually having the BRITs to thank to some capacity. The climbers include “Summer 91 (Looking Back)” giving Noizu his first top 40 hit at #31 (and I’ll admit, the song is growing on me), Griff also getting her first with “Black Hole” at #35 thanks to her win and performance at the BRITs, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI rebounding to #13 thanks to that once-again uncredited remix with Miley Cyrus and finally, entering the top 10 for the first time is “Anywhere Away from Here” by Rag’n’Bone Man and P!nk at #9, getting the boost from a perfect trifecta of gains: Rag’n’Bone Man released his album on Friday then on Tuesday had the closing performance of this song at the BRIT Awards with additional vocals from the Lewisham and Greenwich NHS choir, who are also now appearing on a new release of the song the day after, prompting a whole lot of sales, of which I assume and hope are going to charity. It’s Rag’n’Bone Man’s third top 10 hit, P!nk’s 21st(!) and interestingly enough, the NHS choir’s second top 10 hit as they had the Christmas #1 back in 2015. With all of that out of the way, I suppose it’s time to get to our varied array of new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “Dick” – Starboi3 featuring Doja Cat

Produced by Nius and SoFLY

This week is kind of a weird week if that wasn’t immediately obvious as our new arrivals are kind of all over the place, starting with... well, I think I could say less about the song than the title does. Starboi3 is this SoundCloud rapper from New Jersey who made a song with Doja back in 2019 – I assume she was more accessible for features back then –and it didn’t blow up at all, really, giving Starboi3 some additional traction but not until 2020, in which Doja Cat got her #1 hit and TikTok picked up this explicit single as a new sound. Sadly – or thankfully – the song was never released officially onto streaming until very recently, meaning, surely, the hype’s over by now? The answer to that is no, as it’s climbing up charts in both the UK and the Bubbling Under in the US... so there’s got to be something good about this song, right? Well, no. Not at all. Of course, that is subjective, but I do question your sanity if you’re honestly enjoying this unlikeable nobody shout “Dick!” over a basic, no-melody trap instrumental with heavy 808s not too dissimilar to drill, before going into a beyond basic chorus and verse about, well, you can guess, with rhymes sounding either like an awful freestyle or a kid with a rhyming dictionary. “She not with him tonight, she not with Jim tonight”? Of course, that’s in the post-chorus because if there’s one thing this song needs, it’s a freaking post-chorus. I also don’t think Starboi3 realises that making her scream for her parents is quite the opposite of sexy – or even raunchy and mindless, as it’s actually just creepy and terrifying. Speaking of terrifying, Doja Cat is here and not even she can add a less basic flow with a verse that just ends up going in one ear and out the other, even if I do like the seductive backing vocals that at least try to make this not a slow, joyless slog. However, I do NOT like the Pickle Rick reference. To be fair, this was 2019, but also to be fair, never reference that again, I am begging you. This is a disaster on all fronts and probably one of the worst tracks I’ve had to review in this series. Good start!

#64 – “Freaks” – Surf Curse

Produced by Surf Curse

This new song is actually even older, being released initially as a deep cut from this Nevada duo’s 2013 album. As you’ll probably tell, this is charting off of people streaming after hearing the song on TikTok and, I mean, at least the song’s actually good this time, careening off of a clearly surf-inspired clean riff surrounded by some basic drumming and a good bassline. It’s not great as it does feel increasingly basic as I said, almost like one of those local bands that don’t get much national attention or traction but do play some gigs and get some love at those places, to the point where it’s kind of big if they play shows outside of their region... which makes sense because that is exactly what they are. This is just some band from Reno but here it is charting on the UK Singles Chart and while it’s here, I should say whilst there’s not much here to discuss given how minimal it is, Nick Rattigan’s vocals are fittingly desperate for the theme of social alienation and particularly rejection as it’s pretty obvious he’s aiming venom at himself for a bad break-up, although given the sound and tone of the song, probably his first, with that double meaning of the mantra in the outro, “I won’t wake up this time”, potentially being a crushing line for someone in similar circumstances. That’s not me, exactly, so this doesn’t hit, but I’m glad that Machine Gun Kelly song from last week got replaced with some actually decent alternative rock on the chart. I hope this does well.

#60 – “One Day” – Lovejoy

Produced by Cameron Nesbitt

“One Day” is the biggest track from new English rock band Lovejoy’s debut EP, Are You Alright?, and whilst I was planning on not mentioning the fact that the band is fronted by Minecraft YouTuber Wilbur Soot, that is the only reason it’s charting – and he’s charted with “Your New Boyfriend” a couple months back, a song that I actually kind of liked. It’s also immediately obvious in the writing that this comes from an Internet personality, with some not-so-well-woven detail and increasingly gratuitous self-awareness that eventually cycles back and ends up as seeming like they have none at all... okay, like most indie bands but that’s beside the point. This happens to be Wilbur’s least favourite song on the release – one that I haven’t listened to because even if I’m not too old for mindless pop music, Minecraft YouTuber alt-rock may be where I draw the line – and I can completely understand the distaste for this given that it starts with the line, “Why’d you have to kill my cat?” I also have some qualms with the song sonically as it may be the most derivative rock single I’ve heard on this series, given how obviously it rips from indie rock bands of the 2000s, with an oddly clean mix that doesn’t exactly fit the obvious stream-of-consciousness lyrics and Wilbur’s erratic delivery. Also, there’s a whole lot of trumpet on this song, which I guess is a surprise, but that doesn’t make up for a drummer who can clearly play very well but has to chaotically play over a song with practically no groove. I do like that second chorus in how it builds up to a somewhat anti-climactic guitar solo but as a full song I do not really get the appeal of this that I don’t get out of other post-punk revival bands from decades back who are still pumping out music. This isn’t bad – I swear, don’t dox me – but I just want something more compelling from this. I will always be glad regardless of the quality that we have more rock on the chart, though, even if this’ll be gone by next week.

#57 – “It’s a sin” – Years & Years and Elton John

Produced by Stuart Price and the Pet Shop Boys

One of my favourite performance from the BRIT Awards this year was Olly Alexander of Years & Years sharing the stage with the iconic Elton John to cover Pet Shop Boys’ “It’s a Sin” which had renewed interest from last year as it was the namesake for a hit TV series about HIV/AIDS, for which this fittingly played a role and has kind of been recontextualised as a gay anthem, which makes complete sense if you look at its lyrics about the Church telling Neil Tennant “how to be”. It’s also one of the Pet Shop Boys’ most camp and theatrical songs, so giving it to Years & Years and Elton John to cover for the BRIT Awards make all too much sense. No, they’re not able to live up to the theatricality of the original, especially if Alexander’s vocals are going to be this clearly manipulated at points, but with Elton John’s piano laying a perfect foundation for the rising intensity of the track, we do get a sense of that original melodrama, with the synth-work and house groove coming in before Elton John’s voice, sounding smokier and wiser with age, and in my opinion, more compelling as a vocalist, especially if they’re both going to sell this song with the most convicted of deliveries. I don’t think a cover could ever live up to that original iconic track but if anyone’s going to get close, it’s Elton John. Expect this to rise next week.

#50 – “Never Left” – Lil Tecca

Produced by ThankYouWill, Taz Taylor and Cxdy

I’ll always be annoyed that Lil Tecca blew up as a rapper instead of a producer, as I don’t think this guy has any likeability or charisma about his flow, cadence or delivery, and that’s only after you get over how dry and whiny his voice can get. However, he can make some great and incredibly infectious beats for other rappers, including a song I see becoming a hit soon in SoFaygo’s “Knock Knock”, which I will bet on at least making the Billboard Hot 100 if not the UK Singles Chart. It’s unbelievably catchy. With that said, Tecca is here in the form of some SoundCloud raps over a boring synth pluck and vaguely tropical Internet Money trap beat, sounding and flowing way too much like Gunna for his own benefit, or Gunna’s benefit, if we’re honest, as this shows how easily he can be replaced. I usually don’t write off this type of rap and will absolutely defend it, but this song isn’t even catchy or unique. I mean, I don’t like “Ransom” either but at least it was kind of fun and I still know the lines in the chorus a couple years later. I’ll forget all about this by next week if it doesn’t stick around. At least he shouts out Chief Keef. God, I hope he charts sometime, that’d be funny.

#45 – “All I Know So Far” – P!nk

Produced by Greg Kurstin

So, P!nk is back but not with a studio album, rather an upcoming live album in which the two new, original songs are about or featuring her daughter. This is the second single from said album and is probably coasting off her appearance at the BRITs in terms of a relatively high chart debut. I’ve never been that big a fan of P!nk but she has her classics, none of which are in the past 15 years but that’s beside the point. This single in particular is an acoustic ballad dedicated to her daughter in which P!nk provides a rapid intensity alongside pretty great-sounding acoustic guitars, pounding drums and strings that sells the content about empowering yourself, with some nice lyrical detail about always being yourself, basically, which would come off as cliché and preachy if it weren’t for some oddly specific lyrics in those verses and the chorus that basically just tell her daughter that despite the fact the world will constantly try to crack down on her and everything she does much like life does to anyone but especially women, she should stand up for herself and what she believes in. However, none of that cuts deep when she’s being raised by a millionaire, huh? There’s little Hell to be put through when you’re born with a silver spoon, huh, Willow? Regardless, this isn’t a bad pop song and its content isn’t as misguided as it is just sang by the wrong singer, although I’d find it hard to get a singer with as much rasp and wisdom in the mainstream to sell this as convincingly as P!nk does – vocally, not lyrically. This is a couple steps above that last single, “Cover Me in Sunshine” at least, which was just insidious. Next.

#32 – “Miss the Rage” – Trippie Redd featuring Playboi Carti

Produced by Loesoe

Okay, so all of our last three new arrivals are in the top 40 and we start with... o-okay, well, it’s 2021, anything can and will chart and I should know this by now, but it’s still surprising to see a song by these two guys debut so high, especially since Whole Lotta Red produced absolutely no charting hits in the UK outside of “@ MEH”, which doesn’t really count. This is Trippie’s highest-charting song ever in the UK that isn’t fronted by KSI, so I guess streaming must have been that good – also, the charts are still weak. For what it’s worth, I do like both Trippie and Carti to their respective extents, and I am aware that this is only as big as it was because of the hype from the leak, which also featured Mario Judah, and that in itself was a big song but it took years for Carti’s feature to be cleared by the label, as is infamously true for much of Carti’s work and even his last official collaboration with Trippie that was actually deleted after release. I’m still hoping on an official release for his verse on Yung Lean’s “Yayo”, but whilst we have this instead, I might as well talk about it and... Well, let me explain to you what I see as the appeal of these two rappers. That appeal is, mostly, that they don’t rap even though they both very much can. Trippie yells, moans, growls, screams and spends most of his work singing in his typical raspy, venomous voice, whilst Playboi Cart spits and coughs his way through substance-less ad-libs to the point where any actual wordplay or lyrical detail gets you excited for that brief moment. In this song, Trippie and Carti don’t eschew the typical role of a rapper and both just... rap normally, which would not be a complaint if they weren’t so bland in that role, which is the whole point of their unique, phlegm-filled deliveries in the first place. As a result, this song just ends up feeling empty, even if this awfully-mixed, bass-boosted beat with some lovely distorted video-game synths and hardly audible trap skitters does go incredibly hard. Don’t get me wrong: this is still catchy and Trippie flows very well over a beat that sounds made for him and Carti. Hell, Carti has grown on me so much recently that my fondness for this might just be me eating anything he releases up. With that said, he’s the worst part of the song as his baby-voice style emphasises how lacking this song is in just anything. I do like the wordplay at the tail-end of the verse as, yes, that happens, perhaps not as iconic as some of his other oddly profound or clever lines on his last record but at least it’s something. At least this is some interesting American trap, unlike...

#25 – “i n t e r l u d e” – J. Cole

Produced by J. Cole, Tommy Parker and T-Minus

The pandemic has affected the music industry to the point where big-name rappers release album interludes as lead singles. Said album has songs shorter than this interlude, with most of its dull filler feeling like additional interludes, quite unbefitting for such a big and hyped-up album from Cole which frankly is just another boring addition to an already consistently dull catalogue. I’m just not interested in what Cole has to say because he’s never been likeable and I feel like there’s better rappers that bridge the gap between old and new like how Cole sees himself as doing, the “MIDDLE CHILD”, perhaps, like, you know, Drake? If we want to go for a more direct comparison from lesser-known rappers, the direct comparison I use for this new record is Aminé’s latest, also made up of a variation of trap bangers featuring massive, charting names versus introspective, conscious lyrics, yet Aminé is an interesting character with quotable lyrics that aren’t embarrassing, knows how to write an actual hook and whilst he also brings on both classic and modern features, he’s never out-done by them, creating an actual bridge rather than just some guy who thinks he can write his own role in the industry and culture without his own music backing his case. Unfortunately for me, it works – every freaking time – largely because of his continually loyal fanbase but also a general public interest in the guy that I do not understand, especially when more than a decade into his career, he’s still pushing out mediocre projects. He cuts his album’s length by a ton and still ends up with a bloated record. I barely need to talk about the track itself, right? Even if it has as much structure and effort put into it as his normal songs do, it’s labelled quite literally as an interlude. Sigh, well, in this interlude, Jermaine raps over a drowned-out soul sample and admittedly, sticks to the topic of reminiscing on where he came from, the violence in Fayetteville, a similar violence of which was what killed Nipsey Hussle, who he compares amongst Pimp C and Jesus as they all died at 33. Cole himself is 36 so I guess for once he doesn’t think he’s Jesus. It took him a while to realise.

#12 – “Higher Power” – Coldplay

Produced by Max Martin, Oscar Holter and Bill Rahko

I assumed this would debut at #3 until the BRIT Awards performance gave it a boost to debut at the top but I guess everyone else had the same opinion of that awful opening performance as I did, because here it is at #12. Well, that doesn’t matter, right? Coldplay’s last album similarly underperformed... but at least that time, they had a genuinely ambitious album for once in their careers with some genuine experimentation and themes I did not expect to come out of Coldplay. It was a better album but not an accessible one, with its only pop single being a bittersweet anti-war anthem which trivialises bombing in the Middle East to onomatopoeia. It’s a great song but it wasn’t going anywhere, so it’s no surprise that their next lead single is a soulless synth-pop track produced by Max Martin. Admittedly, the synth tone in the intro is kind of unique in all its nasal 80s nostalgia, but, man, I thought we moved past just rehashing for a hit, Coldplay. This is pretty obviously just a crap attempt at being “Blinding Lights” which trades in its machine-gun loco-motive drum pattern for one that is a lot more stiff, and its iconic, memorable lyrics for a forgettable set of love-struck laziness. Oh, yeah, and Chris Martin is far from the Weeknd both in the studio and live at the BRIT Awards – seriously, dude sounded half-alive. This isn’t offensive, just a bore that is clearly a desperate label move ready for when they can tour again, and if their last record proved anything it was that Coldplay seemed like they were finally above that.

Conclusion

Well, that’s our week – again, a questionable one at best and kind of a bad one at worst. Either way, this is a strange array of songs and I do like how the UK Singles Chart subverts everything you’d expect of it so often that chaos becomes the trend, even if not all of it is any good. I guess Best of the Week goes to “Freaks” by Surf Curse, with an Honourable Mention to Elton John’s cover of “It’s a sin” with Years & Years. Surprisingly enough, J. Cole actually doesn’t get Worst of the Week as the album gets a lot worse than that interlude, so he gets a Dishonourable Mention alongside Starboi3’s “Dick” being crowned Worst of the Week, and honestly probably Worst of the Year so far, not that I’m keeping track of that. Here’s this week’s top 10:

What’s coming next week? More J. Cole, Olivia Rodrigo’s newest single and probably – and hopefully – some album tracks from Jorja Smith and Nicki Minaj. For now, though, thanks for reading. It’s a big week next week, and I’ll see you then!

[catchlalune]

My Dearest Rose

a/n: hello again my starbursts! I hope quarantine is treating you well, please don’t forget to keep practicing social distancing! In the next installment of fics I may never finish writing is one very dear to me, I was having soooo much fun writing it but admittedly lost my steam. There are a lot of errors that I haven’t fixed and though the plot was thought out it was not completed in its entirety (obvi) it was maybe about 55% complete? But please give me some feedback and tell me if you like this style of song fic! (Also the very end is supposed to be very close to the very end of the story, I jumped around a bit whilst writting it!)

Pairing: Kim Woosung x Reader

Word Count: 3012

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Fantasy! Au, Cinderella! Au (Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella to be more precise)

Warnings: mentions of minor character death

The sweetest sounds I’ll ever hear are still inside my head

The kindest words I’ll ever know are waiting to be said

The most entrancing sight of all is yet for me to see, and the dearest love in all the world is waiting somewhere for me

The first time you meet him it is down by the public shoppes. He’s someone you’ve never met before and someone you are sure you’d remember due to the color of his hair, golden like inside of an iris’s petals.

 His eyes were so brown and so kind you had trouble responding to him when he spoke to you. 

“Miss? Are you alright?” You have to blink several times for his words to register in your head and when they do, you jolt and quickly look to the ground. 

“Yes, I think so.” You finally speak up as you gather the packages that were dropped when you were trying to not be trampled by the majestic horses and the beautiful blue carriage embroidered with the most astonishing golden detailing. 

“Those royals, never caring if they’re in someone’s way.” He comments as he begins to stack the packages for you and you quickly take them from him. 

“Oh, I’m sure they were going somewhere very important.” you reply sheepishly He doesn’t seem to buy that but gives you a gentle smile nonetheless. 

“Important enough to almost run someone over? I’m not sure about that.” He remarks, with a telling smile. You stop for a second just to think over his words, your brows furrowing as you turn from him. 

“Well, thank you, thank you very much.” You thank him meekly remembering you really are in a hurry, but before can make your getaway he frantically follows you. 

“Wait, what’s your name?” He asks, questioningly. You weren’t inclined to answer but you did nonetheless. 

“(Your name)? I like it.” The smile he gives you is charming, fit for a prince you think. 

“It grows on you I guess, if you’ll excuse me I really must deliver these now.” You can hear the fatigue in your voice as you say that and you turn to leave again but he continues to follow. 

“I can help! I do wish to speak to you some more and figure out what a man would need to learn in order to get in your good graces.” He says cheerfully and he takes the heaviest boxes from your arms before you can think about protesting. He just sets off in the direction you were headed.

“Well, I suppose I should know the name of the man that would like to know. And why he might be so adamant in helping out a girl he’s just met.” You sass as you jog after him.

“Let’s just say that he’s” a charming stranger.” He chuckles out, smirking.

“How charming can he be if he won’t answer a simple enough question as his name?” You ask as you stray away from him for a moment to drop off a package to the baker’s wife who was waiting outside of the bakery for you. She greets you with a wide smile and a warm muffin freshly baked. She sends you off with well wishes and a Tell your father thank you!

“How well do you know the people of this town?” You jump a little at the voice of the strange man to your left. 

“I’d feel more obligated to answer once I know how to address you.” You shrug. He laughs and shakes his head. 

“I thought I would be able to get away with not telling you but I concede. My name is Woosung.” He says pleasantly

“I’m not sure why you wouldn’t want to tell me if you want to help me but alright, it’s a pleasure to meet you Woosung.”  You say almost dropping a box. 

“Oh, the pleasure is all mine.” He replies smoothly. You want to smile at that but cover it up with a shift of the packages in your arms. 

“So it is.” 

With the help of Woosung you were able to get the deliveries done much faster than anticipated. Though he was a little strange and a bit over eager he was kind enough to help you with your task and see it through to the end. You decided it best to reward him by sharing half of your muffin with him. 

“It is much better when it’s still warm and with a glass of cold milk. My mother always thought so anyway.” You comment, remembering. He perks up at that while mumbling the question you so dreaded hearing with a mouthful of muffin, his stuffed cheeks making him look like a woodland creature. 

“Thought so?” 

“Yes, she passed when I was five. I remember bits and pieces but not everything.” You say. His shoulders slump and he gives you a sympathetic look. 

He replies. “I apologize for asking.” You were glad he didn’t say he was sorry for her passing, for you never really knew what to say after that in a conversation.

“There’s no need for an apology. I’ve learned to live with it now, my father had a girlfriend a couple years past and she was nice at first. Until she wanted me to call her mother then she got very mean. She made me do all the chores around the house alone and then at the end of the day would make me sleep in front of the fireplace as her two daughters took my room.” You state, seemingly unhappy with it.

“And your dad did nothing to stop it?” There was anger simmering underneath his tone. 

“He wasn’t around often. He may have been around for a week at a time before leaving for business trips. Until one day I begged him to stay or to take me with him and then he questioned why. My stepmother and sisters left very promptly after that.” Is what you respond.

“What do you do now?” He asks,with eyes that seem to be hanging off your every word. 

“Now I work with him. We moved towns after that and we are actually fairly new here. We own the flower shoppe right down there.” You point to the shop on the far side of the square that sat on the corner of the road. The bench two of you sat on having the perfect view of the quaint little store. 

“I’m not sure why I told you all this. But I think it probably has to do with having the same old routine all the time.” You continue.

“I understand that. Working tirelessly day in and day out doing the same old thing. It is nice to do something out of the ordinary once in a while.” He nods looking up at the clouds that lazily passed by. You were glad that at least someone could understand you. 

“Well, what about you?” Your question seems to startle him. 

“M-me?” Was that a stutter? He seemed so confident a moment ago. “My story is not very interesting. Just a boring family living in a boring place surrounded by boring people doing boring tasks.” He sounded a bit bitter about it. 

“That does seem a bit uninteresting.” You remark, letting it go for now, allowing the silence to settle comfortably over you both. Well, as silent as the ambience of the busy town square would allow. When the sun begins to lull he stands and stretches looking much like a cat, the thought makes you giggle and he grins in your direction. 

“Leaving so soon, Prince Charming?” He blinks at you, a bit startled. “You act so gentlemanly, it is something befitting of a prince.” You tease.

He shakes his head at this. “Oh hardly m’lady, I am not deserving of such a title.” He tilts his head then a small frown adorning his lips. They were a pretty pink color like that of a peach-colored rose. You then wonder. “Will I see you again?” 

“Perhaps, if you are ever in need of a bouquet.” He says smiling at you again, always such a dazzling occurrence. 

“I will make sure to need one in the future. Then, I’ll be going first.” Woosung says, you nod at him a small wave after until he turns his back and disappears down the cobblestone walkway.  

When you turn to make your back way to the store, your best friend stands before you a question in his eyes and his arms folded across his chest. 

“Oh! Dojoon, you nearly frightened me to death.” You squeak out, the hand over your heart could hardly calm its frantic beating. 

“Who was that?” He questions. You weren’t sure why but the tone in his voice had you a bit miffed. He was a nosy man but all in good faith. He was the first person you bonded with in town after landing a job in your store and you two were basically attached to the hip ever since. Usually you two would take turns delivering and working in the store, often alternating between the tasks. He probably set out to find you after you took longer than usual to get back.

“A charming stranger, that’s all.” You said, opening the door to your store, not really caring too much if it hits him as it shuts. 

“He has a name, doesn’t he?” He pushes. Dojoon had no trouble keeping up with your shorter strides. 

“Who has a name?” Your father's voice makes you jump for the third time that day. 

“No one, papa. How were the sales today?” You say, diverting the conversation.

 The attempt to change the subject worked well in your favor as your father and Dojoon were easily distracted by telling you animated stories of the days events. You only listened half heartedly, in the back of your mind you hoped -though a strange thought-that you would be able to meet the charming man once again. 

♧♧♧

After that encounter, Woosung came back the next day, and then the next, always incredibly charming and princely. The two of you spent so much time together you hardly noticed the changing of the seasons, summer turning to autumn, autumn to winter, the chill of the snow bidding its farewell when spring came and nestled its way into the trees, breathing life back into the nature around you. 

The two of you often spent time working together, if he didn’t help you with deliveries then he was helping your father with business matters or Dojoon with tending the flowers. If anyone enjoyed Woosung’s company more than you it was Dojoon. He was certainly skeptical at first until he met him and then they bonded well over their common interests in black roses and music. 

“Aye, did you all hear? The prince is giving a ball!” One of your regulars Mr. Windsong informs you with a bright smile. You notice Woosung stiffen next to you but you choose not to say anything about it. 

“Oh is he? I’m sure that will be very nice for the royals.” You reply to him flippantly, you weren’t very interested in the affairs of the rich. 

“You should be more interested,” Mr. Windsong motions for you to lean in so he can whisper in your ear,you humor him if only to get him to leave. “I hear he is to be picking a princess. Any lady he sees fit to marry so all of the eligible young woman in the land are invited.” 

“Trying to marry my daughter off are you?” You giggle at your father’s grand entrance bringing with him the lingering smell of cherry blossoms from the outside. 

“Oh no papa, he was just telling me about the ball the Prince is holding.” You watch as your father raises his brows and hands off a couple packages to Woosung to put away. 

“Oh the I heard about that too, apparently his parents want to marry him off. A little strange if you ask me, the King isn’t even past his prime yet.” The wind chimes tinkle as Dojoon steps in and Mr. Windsong steps out bidding everyone a farewell. 

“Perhaps his parents just want what is best for him.” The three of you turn your heads to Woosung whose mouth is slightly turned downwards. 

“Perhaps, but regardless it has nothing to do with me,” You get up from your perch behind the register and pick up a watering can to water some yellow carnations. “I have no interest in marrying a prince, let alone one I don’t know. Don’t you think marrying someone you hardly know is barbaric? What’s the use of marriage if not to marry someone you love?” You remark.

“Well we don’t know if the prince is being forced into it, he could not be.” Woosung adds, smiling at you but you sigh shaking your head slightly. 

“I’m not talking about the prince, I’m talking about the women. Why are we expected to just fall in love at the drop of a dime? Who cares if you’re a prince or a common man if you just expect us to just fall at the mention of fame and fortune?” You rebuttal.

If there was one thing Woosung was not expecting it was that. Your words caused his skin to flush, they were so cold. 

“Now dear, not all men are the same.” Sensing the tension your father steps between the two of you and Dojoon lets out a loud boisterous laugh. 

“Honestly, papa. I’m as mild and as meek as mouse, whenever someone gives me a command I obey. But the idea of being forced into marriage infuriates me. I loathe it, what am I to do if the one I marry forces me into it to? Will I ever get to be myself?” You question.

“Listen to me dear, I will not let that happen. No one will ever force you into anything ever again, not even me.” Your father sets a warm palm on your shoulder as reassurance and you nod at him. 

“I know, I just get scared sometimes thinking of life outside this shop. What if when you pass I’m married off to some evil man? Money does the worst things to people papa.” You can hear the “emotion” in your voice.

You watch as Dojoon steps forward with a crooked smile and shakes his head. “What am I chopped liver? I thought we made a pact that if you weren’t to be married by the time of your father’s passing that we’d-”

“Why are we speaking as if I’m about to meet the undertaker?” Your father interrupts, his question makes both you and Dojoon laugh. 

“Not at all sir!” Dojoon says, face flushed from laughing.

“It’s just, mama passed out of nowhere it seemed and if that were to happen to you too well I..I wouldn’t know what to do.” You prune at a patch of Forget-Me-Not’s as you say this, you vaguely remember your mother being fond of the baby blue blooms. 

☆☆☆☆

"I yearn for you, for your soft glances and your approval. I have never known a feeling quite like this, I only wish for you to extinguish the fire inside me. Please, tell me you care for me too."

You can't help but look at him from his confession, affairs of the heart were not something you were well versed in. But you'd be lying if you said his presence didn't alight a fire in you and snuff it out all at once. Its the tenderness of his voice and the way the moon reflects off the water on to his face that makes your breath quicken, at least that's what you tell yourself. 

"You know I care for you."

"But do you care for me? Does me being a prince make a difference? Tell me now, and I won't ever bother you again but you have to speak to me. Please do not shut me out." Woosung sounds desperate and you cant help feeling it's your fault for making him this way. 

The two of you sit there for a long while, him waiting patiently and you staring at the way the moon hits the water. You want to say it, want to speak your truth but admission is so hard and you are so weary. Regardless of the passage of time Woosung never moves from your side, he remains even when the chirping of early morning birds can be heard. He knows you, he understands. 

"I- I wish to-" Your voice comes out hoarse but Woosung doesn't seem to mind, he just hangs on every last word. 

When you turn to him you can see the adoration in his eyes, it was always there sparkling and bright. You could always feel it, the way he seemed to find your gaze in a crowded room always. The way with which he spoke to you, soft and steady. The way with which he bore his heart to you, slow with no pressure. It is all you can think about before pressing your lips to his in a kiss that would make Aphrodite squeal. 

The touch of his lips on yours is so right, he melts into it but does not move to make it go any further. It is languid and full of the emotions you both can not hope to ever put into words. It is full of the longing and of two beating hearts that call out for each other. Even then he remains as he always has. 

"Charming." 

"My dearest love, you are the charming one. And I will always be right here for you." He speaks the words like the whisper of a song as he taps the spot on the left side of your breast where you can feel a hammering. 

It's clear to you now that from the very moment you met at the shoppes all those seasons ago that he had always been for you, waiting and patient. 

[arukou-arukou]

@katofrafters suggested: “Yo, I always endorse body swaps. Avengers clumsily attempting to fight some ridiculous evil while wearing each other’s bodies sounds spectacular, honestly.” and @musicalluna suggested: “body swap, Steve experiencing the arc reactor.” There’s a little more of the second prompt than the first, but here you go!

Rated T

Hints of pre-relationship Steve/Tony, but the focus is more on Steve experiencing Tony’s body.

Warnings: Some non-sexual nudity. Language.

---

Steve loves Thor, but some days, he thinks the trouble that comes with Asgardians isn’t quite worth the friendship. Not most days. But days like today, days when the Enchantress is rampaging through lower Manhattan flipping green sparks at anyone who catches her eye to disastrous consequences, these days he thinks he’d let Thor go if it meant he didn’t have to explain to the authorities that those dinosaurs are civilians and they are not to be shot. It would be one thing if she were only turning people into animals, but today it seems like Enchantress took a shot of extra spite with her morning coffee, because on the next block, she’s switched to mermaids. There are crowds of civilians flopping feebly on the ground, staring in disbelief at their fishy lower halves or begging for water. Some of the octo-people are more mobile and trying to help, but it’s not nearly enough. The block after that is what appears to be a rain of goo. And then after that is a plague of boils.

And worse, none of the Avengers seem able to catch up with her. She is at a fixed distance from them, always receding. Even when Tony deploys at Mach I, which he tries to avoid in the city, he doesn’t get any closer. Instead, they’re left with a rain of shattered glass and another massive bill in property damage that Steve is sure he’s going to love explaining to the mayor, the feds, and Fury. He’s really starting to lose his patience.

“Thor, could you maybe, I don’t know, think of something?” There’s not much of Manhattan left before Enchantress reaches open water and the idea of her getting away… Steve grits his teeth and pumps his legs harder, fruitlessly.

“Amora! Please, these people have done you no wrong! Your quarrel is with me! If you must punish someone, am I not the one who should bear the brunt of your wrath.”

Fuck, Steve thinks, even as Hawkeye says it aloud. Amora laughs, hair tossing in the wind. “Well, since you put it that way.” She flips her fingers at them and green light encircles, engulfs, consumes.

(THERE IS A READ MORE)

Steve blinks desperately to clear the spots only to realize he can’t clear away these lights. There are so many. Everywhere. All at once. And shouting in his ear. He’s so discombobulated and a bolt of fear jolts through him for the other members of his team. “Widow? Hawkeye? Does anybody copy?”

“Copy, Tony,” says Thor. Then, “What the fuck?” The swear jar is going to be getting a lot fuller soon, because echoes of filthy disbelief sound down the lines of the coms. Steve himself realizes his voice is off. And as he comes to his senses, he also realizes the lights blinking in front of him are the HUD from the Iron Man suit. And dead ahead is a building, closing fast. He has no idea how to steer himself, but if he doesn’t do something… He throws his hands forward and tries to swivel his hips into it, too, and that does stop him, but it also sends him twirling end over end backwards. The horizon line on the HUD spins wildly and spots dance in front of his eyes.

“Tony!” Too late. He crashes into pavement, the shock reverberating up and down his spin and ribs. Holy shit. Ears ringing, head spinning, body aching, Steve stops struggling and waits for it all to end. He has a sneaking suspicion about what’s happened, though he doesn’t want to believe it. He wants to wake up back in his bed at five in the morning and have this all have been a horrible dream.

But then there it is. His own face hovering over him. “Cap, I presume?”

“Uhhhhh.”

“Yeah. Thought so.”

There’s Thor, but his normally jovial face is pinched and hard, while Nat is looking bewildered and frustrated. Hulk is…standing with a cocked hip, idly tossing a stone the size of a human head, while Clint looks furious, teeth gritted and arms bulging as he flexes them.

“Amora’s gone,” Not-Steve says. “Apparently this was the icing on her little tantrum cake.”

“T…Tony?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“Fuck me,” Steve groans, dropping his head back.

“Language,” they all say automatically, and he groans again. Yes. He would really like to wake up right about now.

After a tumble like this, Tony normally gets right up again, but Steve’s having a hard time figuring out how he gets himself up. His back is throbbing and the ringing in his head seems like it’ll be sticking around for a while. On top of all that, he’s still not sure how to operate the suit. He can feel what seem like little pads or buttons against his fingers and toes, and that’s a weird feeling, too, that neoprene jumpsuit Tony wears when he has time to suit up for a call. Steve feels practically naked, even though he’s in a 400-pound suit of armor. Tony takes care of it, though.

“Captain Handsome 11-22-33-44-55,” he says, and the HUD flashes blue and clears of everything but vitals and sight lines. JARVIS intones “Captain America override initiated. Awaiting further instructions, Captain.”

“Fly Iron Steve back to the tower and disassemble him in the workshop on the apparatus table. Wait ‘til I get there before you initiate disassembly.”

“Understood, Captain.” And without Steve lifting a finger, the suit begins moving around him. It’s disconcerting and painful, having his limbs shifted in ways he didn’t intend. He tries to fight it at first, but that only makes his back ache all the more. Or rather, Tony’s back. Even though everything in his being wants to fight it, Steve forces himself to relax and go limp, letting the suit move him as it will. It stands, fires up the repulsors, and charts itself a course to the Tower, all without Steve’s input. It’s terrifying. Does Tony ever do this? Let JARVIS take the wheel? How does he stand it?

In a matter of minutes, he’s through one of Tony’s workshop entrances, laid out on a table, waiting to be “disassembled.” He shudders at the thought. He’s still on coms, though, so he can hear the team as they figure out how to maneuver the jet back. Hawkeye would normally pilot, but hulks hands are too big to easily handle the controls and they can’t quite figure out how to shrink him back into being Bruce’s size. He’s not uncontrollably raging, after all, so what might the trigger be? Bruce has calmed back into himself, but he’s deep breathing, trying to keep himself from panicking and “hulking” out in Hawkeye’s body. That could result in serious damage for Clint, especially if Hulk punches anything he’d normally punch as his big green self. That mean’s Nat’s piloting, but she’s having trouble with Thor’s bulk, too, and apparently it’s slow going. Tony is uncharacteristically silent.

It’s another fifteen minutes before Tony makes it to the workshop, tripping over his own feet the last few steps. Steve remembers what that was like. Tony’s not as small as Steve was pre-serum, but he’s still smaller, and Steve’s feet are…big. All of him is big and awkward, and it takes a while to get the hang of all that extra mass taking up space. But Tony’s genius brain is still the same as ever and upon his arrival, JARVIS complies with the second half of his orders, freeing Steve from the suit.

“Don’t get up just yet,” Tony says, walking past Steve to the fridge in the kitchenette in the corner. He comes back with ice packs, ace bandages, and a first-aid kit. “What hurts the worst?”

“Uh, back.”

“Okay. Do you think you can sit up?”

“Think so.”

Tony nods and Steve crunches his abs, trying to rise out of the shell of the suit. Holy hell, that is painful. Three inches up, Steve collapses back down. Ow. Ow ow ow.

“Right. J, help him up?” The suit, still open, sits itself up, pushing Steve with it, and then collapses back down. It happens so quickly Steve’s head starts spinning again.

“Might have a concussion,” he mutters, hand going to his forehead.

“Symptoms?”

“Head hurts. Spinning.”

“Well, what else is new.” It’s not a question. Tony says it like a fact, not like the jibe Steve might have read it as when they first met. “Anything else?”

“Back. Especially the ribs.”

“Ribs appear to be fractured, Captain,” JARVIS adds, his voice now overhead rather than coming from the suit. “Significant contusions on the left shoulder. I believe that is where Sir came down first.”

“Not Sir, J.”

There is a pause uncharacteristic of JARVIS’ usual whipfast retorts. “I’m sorry, Captain, could you repeat—“

“Amora switched us. Tony body, Steve brain, Steve body, Tony brain. The other Avengers, too. Were you not paying attention on coms?”

“I was not activated in the jet.” Which made sense. Clint usually flipped JARVIS on for co-pilot, but Nat was more weary, even after all these months living with the AI. “I have made note of the change, Sir. Apologies, Captain.”

“No problem, JARVIS. You had no way of knowing.”

Tony is staring down at a tablet, and when Steve catches a glimpse, he sees several readouts of Tony’s body. JARVIS has highlighted the ribs and shoulders in question, as well as the head region. “Chest hurts, too,” Steve says, nodding at the tablet.

“Huh?” Tony glances up. “Oh. That’s probably not from the fall. Sorry. You’ll just have to…” He fiddles his fingers vaguely and then turns to the kit, extracting a bottle of pills. “One advantage? If you can call it that. Painkillers are going to work for you. Congratulations. Eat up.” He rattles the bottle at Steve until he takes it, staring down at the little white caplets through the orange plastic.

Steve is about to take three white pills when he feels hands on him. He hadn’t even noticed Tony circling around. Is he always that quiet? He, Steve, not Tony. Tony is usually not quite at all. But now… There an air of apprehension around them, and Steve is trying to figure out exactly why Tony is holding back. But first—

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting you out of the flight suit. It’s insulated. The ice isn’t going to help much if you’ve got it on. And the zippers and hooks are tricky if you’re not used to it.”

Steve nods stiffly. He hadn’t exactly imagined this would be how Tony would first disrobe him, but what can you do? There’s the long growl of a zipper coming undone, and then tension and release, presumably where the hooks are. The painted on suit loosens around the shoulders, though it still hugs tightly to the arms, helped by a layer of sweat build-up. Steve starts to peel it down, but Tony stops him again, this time with a sharp, “No!”

A raised eyebrow on Steve’s part has Tony grimacing while he circles back to the front. “Trust me. There’s a trick to this to. And you don’t want to get it wrong.” Tony, with Steve’s own fingers, rings the arc reactor, twisting and lifting until there’s a little pop. A metal ring around the reactor twists forward and away and the whole suit roles down to Steve’s waist, the sleeves still clinging stubbornly to his wrists. He slowly frees his hands, but his attention is now down on his chest. On Tony’s chest.

Somehow, he’s never seen this before. Not in photographs and not in person. It’s one thing to know in the abstract that the arc reactor is buried in Tony’s sternum, but it’s another thing entirely to see it without the barrier of a shirt or three in the way. There are keloid scars all over Tony’s torso, but the mass of scar tissue around the reactor puts them to shame. It’s built up in thick knots, spreading out like a sunburst. Steve takes a breath and realizes this is why his chest hurts. As his chest expands and contracts, the skin around the reactor pulls, going white with the inhale and red with the exhale. And if Steve concentrates, he can feel the slightest of grating of bone against reactor housing.

He wants to touch it, almost does, but one glance at Tony in Steve’s face stops in him his tracks. That’s fear. That’s very nearly panic. And with Steve’s super strength, any sudden move on Tony’s part could have severe repercussions. Steve drops his hand.

“It’s…it’s always like this?”

“What do you think, genius?” Tony snaps. He’s trying to make Steve forget, trying to draw him into a fight, but he’s not going to forget this. Not for a long time. It’s been three years since he last felt the pain caused by his scoliosis or the gnawing panic that comes from not being able to breathe, but he hasn’t forgotten for a second what it’s like. And he won’t forget this either. He stares up into Tony’s face, his own face, which is turned away and red with shame. Steve’s Irish skin isn’t as forgiving as Tony’s Mediterranean complexion when it comes to embarrassment.

Finally, Steve says, “I probably ought to shower before we get those ice packs on.”

Tony glances from the corner of his eye down at Steve. He recognizes an olive branch when he hears it. “Trying to get a free show, Rogers?” His tone is still guarded, but there’s a flash of gratitude as well.

“I mean, I’m not opposed to the idea.”

That makes Tony’s eyebrows pop, his eyes widening as he turns to look down at Steve head on. “Good to know,” he eventually chokes out. “Uh, you can use the shop shower. You…you know where it is.”

Very suddenly, Tony is across the shop, footage of their fight with Amora up on the screen. He’s studying it very intently, but Steve welcomes this kind of tension over the fear that had fogged the air just minutes before. With care, he kicks out of the suit, groaning with the pain of his back. He can feel those bruises purpling up already. The moment he stands, the suit shimmies all the way down his hips, which is how he discovers that Tony sometimes does not wear underwear in his undersuit. Free show indeed. Steve wriggles his toes free of the individual toe holes and steps free of the neoprene, shuffling to the shop bathroom like an invalid. Which he kind of is.

He leaves the door cracked, but can’t help pausing in front of the vanity mirror. It’s strange to see Tony’s face staring back, stranger still to see his jaw clenched in the way Steve normally clenches, his one eyebrow raised the way Steve normally raises his. And below it all is the web of scars, the glowing blue of the reactor.

“Uh, Tony? Is it safe to be wet?” he calls.

“What, you think I get electrocuted with every shower?” Tony shouts back.

That wry smile, now curling Tony’s lips. “Point taken.” His chuckle makes his diaphragm contract, makes the ribs around the reactor squeeze in, makes him ache to his bones. He doesn’t touch the reactor housing, but he does reach out and touch it in the mirror, tracing the circle of the reflection. He won’t forget.

[hibiki-the-beast]

Do all the questions you haven’t answered so far~ ;)

1. What was your first time having sex like? Since I assume this took place before my transformation I can't remember...but the first time having sex after my transformation was probably quite messy and brutal and during feeding...I have troubles remembering this, too, because I often had blackouts during the frenzy. [Mun says: Why do I want to write Hibiki now as freshly hatched vampire?]

2. Are you into BDSM? Is the sky blue? For sure I sometimes like vanilla, too, when there are feelings involved. But I need BDSM to be truly satisfied longterm.

3. Do you watch porn, and if so what kind? I seldom watch porn. When I do it is mostly some kind of feral including slaves or pets.

4. What’s the weirdest porn you’ve watched? ...maybe some older western man licking the feet of young asian males...

5. Have you ever watched porn with another person? No.

6. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn? Professional when it includes strangers. Self-recorded amateur porn is the best anyway.

7. Add a link to your favorite porn video. https://de.xhamster.com/videos/japanese-twink-prisoners-part-1-14836282#mlrelated This contains a lot of things I like...

8. What was your first experience with masturbation like? I begun to masturbate only some years ago actually. It was with a fleshlight I bound to a chair. It was weird in the beginning, but in the end I did it over and over again because it was an easy way to get an orgasm. Especially because at this time I did not find many people who would have been able to satisfy me.

9. How often do you masturbate? Sometimes not even once in two weeks, sometimes almost every second day. Depends on my heat cycle.

10. What’s your favorite way to masturbate? I still enjoy my fleshlight, but I like to adjust a dildo to a wall or the ground so I could fuck myself with it/ride it...

11. Have you ever had shower sex? I did.

12. Have you ever had period sex? I did not.

13. Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed that didn’t belong to anyone involved? (Not including shared spaces like hotels, Airbnb, etc.) I don't think so.

17. Have you ever been caught masturbating or having sex? Not that I can remember.

18. Do you have any sex toys? I have several. Not a huge collection but like five.

36. Do you enjoy voyeurism? (Being watched or watching other people) I prefer being watched, but watching can be interesting as well for a curious best when it gets delivered a good show...

37. Does cross-dressing turn you on? Mostly on myself, yes. And preferably on other men who are not the feminine type...I like bending stereotypes very much.

38. Do you have any kinks that you’re embarrassed about? My submissive side is a rather shy one in general and so I usually have a hard time to vocalize wishes and desires. Yes, there are some things I am embarrassed about, and most have to do with my feminization kink.

39. Have you ever had a sex dream or wet dream? If so, pick one and describe in detail what it was about. It was probably me being an animal in a petting zoo for adults, wearing a collar and had to ride a man in the straw while everyone could watch.

40. Have you ever cheated? If so, do you regret it? I prefer open relationships for when my heat acts up, so I would not say anything I did was cheating.

41. Are you into cuckolding? I do to some amount, but only when I know my sub knows who they belong to at the end of the day. And when I am the submissive part who is supposed to watch the dominant one being intimate with another submissive it is similar. Then I would want to get teased all the time while being able to do nothing else than watching...well, I don't experienced something like this yet, but I think this needs more trust than hurting your partner or being hurt, at least this is the case for me with this deeply rooting inferiority complex.

42. How many orgasms do you typically have in one session? One? Two? It is not as if I would have a session every week.

43. Do you enjoy edging? It probably would drive me insane so 'enjoy' is not the right word, mhmh. But it could elicit me interesting reactions to get pleasure from probably...

44. Have you ever had a ruined orgasm? Was it intentional? I had and it was fully intentional. Make sure your partner does not get a hard on and then stimulate his prostate. It is a special kind of frustrating to see the cum trickling out of you without you feeling it.

45. What’s the longest you’ve gone without an orgasm? Several months in the past. If not even a year. These days maybe a month.

46. When was the last time you masturbated? Describe what you did in detail. Putting a vibrating egg to use and controlled it over my phone. However this is more fun when someone else controls it...

47. Have you ever gotten injured during sex? If so, what happened? I don't think so.

48. Have you ever contracted any STIs? I don't think vampires can get such human diseases. At least I hope so. So far I always had been fine.

49. Have you ever had unprotected sex and accidentally gotten pregnant? Mhmh, I always have unprotected sex. I doubt I ever used a condom. No, I did not get pregnant. If anyone else got pregnant...as far as I know not, but maybe I somewhere have any secret child...

50. Do you prefer to have sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Usually night.

51. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night to have sex or masturbate? Not that I can remember.

52. How often do you wake up horny? Not too often. I must be very in heat for this to happen. If at all it happened one or two times.

53. Have you ever had sex with a complete stranger without knowing anything about them? Not only once.

54. Have you ever done anything sexual while driving? I don't think so. Better making a pause somewhere and enjoy yourself on the backseat...or on top of the hood.

55. What is your favorite thing about quickies? It is fast and wild, and probably both parties are /very/ horny.

56. Have you ever had a sex dream about someone unexpected and freaked out about it? If so, who was it? I had sex dreams about my ex after he had been gone. Of course it was strange and scary and to some amount even sad because I did not have anyone to help me with my needs during this time so my subconscious mind probably used my dreams as an outlet.

57. Have you ever fantasized about having sex with one of your teachers? I don't know any teacher.

58. Do you usually have sex with your eyes open or closed? Open. I want to see my partner after all, expressions are important. But sometimes the eyes fall shut...

59. Have you ever had a threesome? Do you want to? I had. What I did not have is some adventure with two dominant men. This is one of my wet dreams, however I have not the easiest time finding dominant ones who desire me.

60. Have you ever had group sex? Do you want to? Maybe it would end up in a mess, at least I can imagine this to happen. It depends on the constellation. If I would get such an offer I probably would say yes to it out of curiosity.

70. Have you ever been so wet that you soaked through your clothes? [Omegaverse-Hibiki is speaking] Being in heat is truly the worst when you have to leave the house. You can bet I had been soaking wet already, and this not only once. Rather on a regular basis. Mother nature wants me to stay in the nest without pants then perhaps...

71. Do you get really wet, an average amount, or not wet enough? -

72. Have you ever had trouble getting it up? Usually I don't have troubles, but sometimes my dominant mood just drops and then a situation in which I should top someone does not make me feel something anymore.

73. Have you ever squirted or made someone squirt? Squirting is great. I enjoy it very much when women squirt. I have to say I already achieved this...

74. What’s the naughtiest fantasy you’ve ever had about a stranger? It does not happen often I have some concrete ideas for what a stranger could do to me. However, when I get into a fight with a stranger it can happen I imagine how they win and take me home with them to lock me up like a captured animal.

75. Have you ever been so horny in an inappropriate place that you’ve had to excuse yourself? Before this happens I try to push those thoughts away. And probably use something to cover the erection...

76. How many fingers do you prefer inside you? Three.

77. Are you loud or quiet? Loud. I am very vocal, no matter if top or bottom.

78. Do you like it rough or gentle? Usually rough. But I might have days on which I feel more sensitive and want to get treated in a softer way. Anyway, I don't think I can be very gentle as a dominant because my beast side is a feral one.

79. Do you enjoy being on top or bottom? Right now I am very much in bottom mood, but in general I of course like both. And then again I can be on bottom while being dominant and vice versa, too. This is what I enjoy very much, bending those stereotypes.

80. Have you ever dry humped someone while being fully clothed until you had an orgasm? I don't know if I had been clothed, but I dry humped someone's leg until I had gotten an orgasm.

81. Have you ever had sex while drunk or high? Sure I had. Me being drunk from wine is quite fun, I suppose. Maybe it makes my submissive side less shy...

82. Do you have a specific playlist for sex? I indeed have some songs that are erotic ones for me. Especially some from Marilyn Manson.

83. Have you ever role played? If so, tell the story. Well, me being a cat is not a role I played, so maybe I should mention how I fully dressed up as a lady for my love. With shaved legs and genitals and drawn on boobs...but the details are too intimate for me to share. This only belongs to us.

84. Have you ever kept going even when you were too sensitive? I think I did. Usually I am not 'too' sensitive. I might experience stimulation as even more intense then and this is definitely desirable.

85. Would you rather have your hair pulled or be spanked during sex? Both sounds good, especially in combination. But getting spanked makes such wonderful noises...I think I could get off to the mere sound of a flogger or paddle maltreating my butt...

87. Would you rather cheat or be cheated on? I probably would be the cheating one if I was in a closed relationship. I sometimes can't control my inner incubus, even if I might regret it afterwards.

88. Would you rather get caught masturbating by your parent/guardian or your crush? My guardian? Like in a person who protects me? This sounds lovely. Anyway, I would not mind that much if my papa would catch me, and if I had a crush I would not mind too much being caught by them either...depending on their reaction to it.

89. Would you rather have an obvious orgasm every time you meet someone new or never have an orgasm again? The latter. This way I still can cause others orgasms. This fills me with joy, too. The former option would be too much of a non-pleasing torture.

90. Have you ever had sex with someone who couldn’t satisfy you? I am not easy to satisfy fully, this is something only a very few people are able to because the biggest satisfaction is caused by attachment, so even if it sounds a little mean now the biggest amount of persons I got intimate with could not fully satisfy me. But the incubus side craves the sex anyway...

91. What’s something you’ve always wanted to ask about sex but was too afraid to ask? Why did mother nature made sure the g-spot of males is reached through anal stimulation when males are not able to bear children? How did mankind discover that it feels good to stimulate genitals with their mouth? I am not afraid to ask all this, but those are questions no one is able to answer perhaps.

92. Describe what you would do sexually if you had different genitals for a day. I would definitely have sex with a man to see how it is like, mhmh.

93. How many dates do you typically need to go on until you feel ready to have sex with someone? Sometimes the yearning is big immediately so one date is enough, sometimes I am never truly in need for something sexual. Though there are more intimate things to me than sex, and this is the point of the question I assume.

94. In your opinion, what makes someone good in bed? A sharp wit, awareness of their appeal, dedication and passion. Well, some experience is of course of advantage, too.

96. Do genital piercings turn you on? They can do so very much, especially because I react sensitive to metal...in a positive way. And it makes them more sensitive to stimulation, too. But I am not the kind of type having such a piercing.

97. How long was the longest orgasm you’ve ever had? I did not look at the clock, mhmh. Five or six seconds maybe?

98. What’s the most sensitive part of your body? Apart from genitals and nipples those are maybe my feet.

99. Is there anything you won’t do in bed? Scat and vomit as the usual things, and I am hesitant when it comes to watersports.

I hope you are happy now, papa!

[yakumtsaki]

Welcome, dear readers, to Part 2 out of 3 of the Union Comeback Season Premiere Episode (title under construction, part 1 here). Right off the bat, let me just admit what everyone is thinking, yes, mass-deleting default replacements was clearly a huge mistake. Looking good in the heart boxers, boys, especially Jojo! Very on brand and not at all ridiculous. On a lesser but equally annoying note, our windows have suddenly turned red while the exterior AND interior of the house are purple. Dark days ahead..

..but not for Goro, who has returned home since running away and is immediately being kicked out again. Good to see you Goro, now pack up your shit, D’vorah won the cat heir position so it’s time for you to move to Melody and Daniel’s farm.

-Well I’m a cat so I don’t have any possessions to pack.

Thank you for providing an example of why you lost the cat heirship via this painfully boring reaction to the news of your defeat.

-No, he’s right, we cats don’t have any possessions to pack.

Omg D’vorah shut up. How on earth you boring flops are Alegra/Ronroneo’s grandchildren AND Sophie’s children I’ll never understand. I’m this close to making Maxx the cat heir and he’s not even a cat.

-Correct, I’m a dog.

Worst group of pets e v e r. 

Oh look who autonomously woohooed for the first time in a century, I guess those base game heart boxers were simply too hot to resist. If one of you gets knocked up a week away from elderhood I’m gonna have a meltdown the likes of which the world has never seen.

-For the love of God, can we get some privacy here?

I’d love nothing more than to give you two bozos eternal privacy by never looking at either of you again, but the headmaster is here for Wulf so put some clothes on-

-WHAT THE FUCK. Why do we keep getting new headmasters instead of the ones we’ve already terrorized into submission?? Now we have to ‘show BJ a good time’ and ‘maybe we could give BJ a tour’, I’d honestly rather give BJ a bj and get this shit over with, I’m tired of threatening headmasters with murder. Hopefully it doesn’t come to sexual favors but if it does, Wyatt, you’re up. 

-Pourquoi moi???

Pourquoi toi still haven’t gotten promoted and toi sleep 22 hours a day, it’s high time toi pulled your weight around here. 

Good, that’s the spirit.

-Bonjour, monsieur Headmastér! I wòuld introdûce yoù to Wûlf but hé is très busý with unpàid çhild labόr.

-Haha, what a hilarious joke, Mr. Union!

-Alright Cinderello, after you’re done cleaning the flooding shower you’re going to need to jump out the second floor window and go study in the crypt, so the headmaster doesn’t see you and ask you any uncomfortable questions about whether I acknowledge you as my son. I have to go help your father charm our guest by giving my trademarked speech on how I never got impregnated by aliens and what a blow it was to humanity’s future. 

-Ok Mr. Jojo!

-For the last time Wulf, it’s not ‘Mr. Jojo’, it’s ‘Mr. Union’. God.

-Ah hello there Headmaster BJ, apologies for my lateness, I was tucking little Wulf in bed because I definitely acknowledge him as my son. As I do all 3 of my children and not just Cyneswith. Ask anyone! But not Wulf or whatshername.. I want to say Shenar? Anyway, now that that’s been cleared up, what are we talking about here? The fact I never got impregnated by aliens and what a terrible blow it was to humanity’s future? I assumed as much.

-Haha aliens?! Well you are just a family of crack ups, does your son share this amazing sense of humor?

-Oh yes yes he definitely does, and he is definitely OUR son, that’s exactly how I view him as well, not solely as Wyatt’s offspring just because he appears to not have a drop of my DNA. I mean who even cares about that? Not me, that’s for certain. Yes, Wulf was just telling me the funniest joke while I was reading Cinderella to him before I put him to bed-

-Man, it’s so hard to concentrate on math with a broken leg from jumping out the window and Grandpa’s disembodied head floating around.

Grandpa’s disembodied head?? 

OH FUCK KOMEI

-What?

Nothing! Looking good! The decision to delete default replacements didn’t affect you in any way!

-Thank god, have you seen Vic with that base game hair? Talk about scary. 

Yes, talk about scary indeed. Do you happen to know if the matchmaker performs the occasional exorcism?

-No idea.

Well she hates me anyway so that was solution was dead in the water. I have to go back to the headmaster fuckery now, but I want you to know I’m really sorry for what Salome did to you. 

-Sό, monsieur Headmastér, the όnly tràck reçord which est bettér than the όne we havé with bébés wόrking, est the oné we havé with our animàls rûnning awaý!

-Oh my.

-He’s joking, he’s joking Headmaster BJ, we’re both excellent pet owners and excellent parents, if you’ll excuse me the phone is ringing-

-Cyneswith darling! An adult bartender is calling for you and he has the Komei face! You might be 14 but he’s clearly future husband material!

-Be right there, daddy!

-Alright, I think I’ve seen enough here.

No you haven’t! Wyatt, take off your robe!

-No need, I’ve made up my mind..

-..you’re obviously a perfect match for our school! 

What the hell? How? Even by our standards we legit didn’t do shit.

-Headmaster Jitmakusol left a very distraught letter regarding your family before he was institutionalized, the gist of it being it is pointless to try and keep you people out of the school, and his successor should simply ‘roll with it’. 

Well ok then! Pleasure doing business with you, BJ.

-The pleasure was all mine, please don’t ever contact me again.

We’ll make sure to be in touch.

In the meantime, Komei has recovered his body!

-Why me? WHY ALWAYS ME? CYNESWITH IS RIGHT THERE

-Sorry honey, we play poker for it every night and Victor won dibs on Cyneswith.

-That’s right, the first one to scare everyone gets ghost-bingo!

Are you fuckers playing ghost-poker or ghost-bingo?

-It’s a hybrid, we have a lot of time on our hands, being dead and all, so we developed an overcomplicated gambling system for our scares. 

Yea ok congrats Victor, now can you fuck off before you actually do kill one of the kids?? They have 10/10/9 energy, they literally never sleep.

-No can do, if you actually kill someone you get Yahtzee!

How many fucking games are involved in this bullshit?

-We told you, we have a lot of time on our hands. SUCK IT VICTOR, I WIN FOR THE NIGHT

Win for the night? Who cares about that, you have Wyatt cornered, go for the Yahtzee!

-Oh, but you said our games were bullshit!

That’s before I realized Wyatt was awake for his allotted 2 hours per day non-sleeping time. Wyatt istfg bro, are you half French-Arab and half panda?

-Pandàs eàt for 14 hourès idiόt, ne pas slèèp.

Well look who knows a suspicious amount about pandas now! Almost like he’s descended from them.

Oh good, everyone’s favorite couple simultaneously has the day off. How about I take you two out for a nice date at Londoste since you’re about 55 years old?

-How about hard pass on that architectural monstrosity of a restaurant and we hang out for 6 hours in our front yard instead?

-Oui, oui! Très blanc garbagè of us!

Well at least we’re not forgetting our roots. 

Alright then, we’ve crossed into white trash territory unironically with the yard pda and we’re also freezing to death, how about we take this inside?

-Non!

-Yes, non indeed! I love how frozen your hands are, dear, it’s like you’re a real corpse!

Oh my G-

-Catch me, Creature!

-Je t'aime, dr. Frankènstèin! 

Ok, new suggestion, how about instead of going inside we visit a nice church?

-How abοùt you lôôk awày, pervertir!

Bold words from someone doing Frankenstein roleplay, and I’D LOVE TO, but the kids are at school and the animals are sleeping, so there’s no looking away from whatever the fuck this is. 

Oh thank god, Cyneswith is back from school and ready to cockblock her parents as always. First time I’m genuinely happy to see you, Cyn.

-Straight A’s again! Ah, we may only have one child but she is THE BEST. Wyatt dear, come here to congratulate Cyneswith and further inflate her ego. Wyatt?

-Why is he ignoring my straight A’s, daddy?! 

-Ugh, he’s probably jealous since everyone is jealous of you, darling. Pay him no mind, let’s go inside so I can give you the diamond tiara I got you for your birthday.

-But my birthday is in four months, what will you get me then?

-A throne to go with it and anything you want from Sihara’s and the other one’s rooms?

-They have no rooms, remember? They both sleep in the crypt.

-Right, well how about I act like I got them presents, give them to you and make them watch as you unwrap them?

-Aw daddy💗

-Je ne pas fèèl bien..

Yes, you’re dying, so it’d be some real Frankenstein shit if you did feel bien.

Is this Komei-clone bartender serious, first he calls while the headmaster is over, now he calls while we’re dying, FEEL THE FUCKING ROOM PAL

..and there we go. RIP Wyatt, it’s been sorta ok having you in the fami-

-WTF HOW ARE YOU ALIVE

-HA. I lièd, I AM hàlf pandà and mon beàr gènes protéct moi! 

GODDAMMIT I KNEW IT. Is that why the one child you gave birth to is your exact clone?

-Oui! Wulf est 1/4 pandà, et toi wènt et namèd him WULF. 

Well, to be fair, not a lot of famous pandas I could have named him after even if I knew. 

-Toi çould hàve namèd him Pandà!

Oh man, Panda Union does have a nice ring to it, especially next to the other names.. ~Shajar~, ~Cyneswith~ and PANDA. Thanks a lot for depriving me of the opportunity by withholding your genetic info.

-Je think Wulf est ontό it.. 

Onto the fact he’s 1/4 panda? I highly doubt that.

Yea nevermind, he knows. 

Oh great, Shajar has brought yet another uggo with a culturally appropriative hairstyle home from school. 

-That’s what you get for letting her out of the crypt.

Give it a rest, Jojo, we’ve had enough of your incredible parenting to last us 10 lifetimes at this point. 

-And then it goes: I send the thunder from the sky, I send the fire raining down, I send a hail of burning ice, on every field, on every town! I send the locusts on a wind, such as the world has never seen, on every leaf, on every stalk, until there's nothing left of green! I send my scourge, I send my sword, THUS SAITH THE LORD🎵

-Great, thank you, Shajar, for singing the entirety of the ‘10 Plagues’ song from The Prince of Egypt 27 times. I’m really sorry but I have to go home now-

-It-was-nice-to-meet-you noogie!

..Shajar, please, PLEASE see a doctor. 

-My sister Shajar may be super popular, spoiled and beloved-

WHAT LMAO

-but I have the friendship of animals and that’s all that matters!

Yea, Cyn, no offense, but it feels like you’re trying to cultivate an underdog Disney princess persona for yourself that is the exact opposite of actual family dynamics around here.

-What makes you say that?

Your tiara and throne vs Shajar sleeping in the crypt come to mind.

-So to be an underdog you need to be a loser?

I mean narrative-wise kinda, yea. 

-Message received. 

No, no that wasn’t a message-

-Yes it was and I got you, loud and clear.

Oh god.

-WHAT? YOU’RE REJECTING ME BECAUSE I’M TOO PRETTY? MY HEART IS BROKEN! I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER GET OVER THIS

-Uh, who are you again? Shajar invited me over, ordered a pizza and has been hiding in the bushes for 1 hour waiting to noogie the delivery guy. 

-I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M HEARING! I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SING ABOUT THIS IN AN ENCHANTED FOREST FOR ABOUT 3 AND A HALF MINUTES

Jfc, where are the ghosts when you need them. 

-Mommy has dibs on you tonight, Jojo! 

-Mom please no! Your hair is so damn hideous! Just stay in your urn until the default replacement has been put back!

-Ah excellent, I have upgraded my robotic abilities up to cleanbot level! 

That actually is excellent, I really want us to fire Kaylynn. 

-Cleanbots don’t change cat litter. 

..UGH then why even bother, Jojo? The cat shit is 90% of our problems, make something that fixes that or stop wasting airtime with your nonsense. Istg some people. 

-Alright sis, how about we go out again tonight and ~play the field~? If I get rejected by a couple more mean boys I can earn my underdog princess badge!

-You are so stupid, Cyneswith, if you want to earn your underdog badge all you need to do is board a doomed ship, Titanic style, and then give the floating door to someone you’ve known for a couple of days while you selflessly and pointlessly drown in the freezing ocean despite the fact you could take turns sharing the door.

-But then I would be dead.

-I know right? Everybody wins. Let’s go get you some tickets.

Yea, let’s not, but let’s get out of here because the ghosts are out of fucking control and you two aren’t sleeping anytime soon.

-Shaj-and-Cyn-in-da-club noogie!

Shajar FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ENOUGH. 

OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL. SOPHIE MIGUEL IN THE HOUSE

-Whaddup dildos, ‘tis I, Sophie fucking Miguel, the meanest townie teen there is. I’ve only taken 4 steps into this place and I can already tell I’m surrounded by a bunch of beta turbocucks. 

SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER!!!!!

-HEY BITCH, I’M NOT A BETA TURBOCUCK, I’M ALPHA AS FUCK. I’M NAMED AFTER SHAJAR AL-DURR! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO THAT IS?

SHAJ WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, WHAT IS THIS APPROACH

-Of course I do, the first Mamluk Sultana of Egypt. Nice. 

OMG THAT SHIT WORKED. LAND THE PLANE SHAJ

-Ohhhhhhhh😍 Do you want to talk some more?? Do you like the 10 Plagues song from the Prince of Egypt???

-Nop, as suddenly as I came into your life, I’m dramatically getting the fuck out for no discernible reason, cause that’s just how I roll. Gone with the wind, baby! I’m like an outdoor cat. You’ll never see me again.

-Oh but I will..

YES YOU WILL SHAJ. I’m so on board this particular Titanicesque crackship that it’s un.real. I mean Sophie Miguel literally came into this place, talked to Shajar for less than one minute and then left the bar entirely, in turn leaving us dick in hand. What.an.icon.

In the meantime Cyneswith.. did this. Game-changing night for everyone!

[freshsliceoflemon]

1 | Projects and Objects

James Madison recently gotten a number from one of his classmates, since the two have a project due next week. Turns out, the number is incorrect which leads him into talking to a total stranger, and then into an absolute disaster.

____

This is a college + modern + text/chat AU. It's a slow burn fanfiction, too, but not including Burr and Lee's relationship along with Hercules and Lafayette's. Madison/Jefferson/Hamilton ship. Warning: Cursing. _______________________

***-***-**** (3:55) P.M): Hello, Molly, this is James Madison. You gave me your number in class in regards to the group project we were recently assigned to. Since it is our duty to work together as partners, I hope we can come to an agreement where we have little to no social interaction at all.

??? (4:01 P.M): wot

???: Oh yeh

???: Think you have the wrong number, my dude

???: Yeah*

***-***-****: Pardon?

***-***-***: I have checked the number three times already.

???: Lmao molly gave you a fake number

???: she isn’t interested in u

***-***-****: Why should she be, anyway? I am not interesting in the slightest. We’re just partners for a project that we were assigned. Don’t assume.

***-***-****: Please disregard my rude interruption from whatever you were doing, I shall proceed to erase your number from my contacts and we will carry on like this never happened.

???: What

???: Noo dude wiat

???: James

???: jAmes

???: JAMES ANSWER ME THEERE’s A FIRE

***-***-****: If there is a fire, you should have called the fire department.

???: I just wanted to text u, sheesh >:^

***-***-**** (4:10): What is that.

??? : What is what ???: The emoji thingie??

???: Smh

???: I want to be your friend!! can we be friends????

***-***-****: Why? There is no reason for us to be, I just managed to get the wrong number.

???: I’m thomas!! Thomas Jefferson!!!

???: C’mon, let’s be friends! You seem like a cool guy

???: And a nerd, and nerds are my type ;))

***-***-****: What.

***-***-****: Whatever. I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with you, Jefferson. We don’t know each other at all, and I do not have time for friends. This project is worth half of my semester grade, and I will not be failing because of this foolery.

???: Smhhh

???: Seriously?? no time for friends

???: That’s really sad, my dude

???: well, guess what

***-***-****: What, pray tell?

???: Your my best friend now >:DD

***-***-***: You’re*.

***-***-****: And no, how does one simple interaction make you my “best friend”?

???: You’re my best friend now, shut up

***-***-****: Are you serious?

???: I’ll prove it to you then!!! watch!

***-***-****: What.

______

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers

Macaroni Fxcker (4:11 PM): Guys!!! tell james that I’m his best friend and that he can never deny it!!

A.Hammy: what

A.Hammy: dude who did you add

Macaroni Fxcker: My bestest best friend james

smile the fk more: I thought I was your best friend, Thomas

Macaroni Fxcker: Youre my second best friend don’t worry

A.Hammy: who did you add jefferson

Macaroni Fxcker: James!! say hii!

Baguetteroni: Hi James

***-***-****: Jefferson, why did you add me to this?

Baguetteroni: Wow

Macaroni Fxcker: I wanted to prove to you that im your best friend >:|!!

A.Hammy: smh..

A.Hammy: did you kidnap someone? again?

Macaroni Fxcker : Uh, no

smile the fk more: Thomas, are you lying

Macaroni Fxcker: I’m not!!

Macaroni Fxcker: damn now i have to convince yall that im not lying

***-***-****: What.

***-***-****: You kidnapped someone before?

A.Hammy: ugh we talked about this before jefferson

A.Hammy: so, “james”, what’d you do to get kidnapped by thomas jefferson???

***-***-****: I wasn’t kidnapped.

Macaoni Fxcker: Yeh!!! he said that he didnt have time for friends soo

       Seabunny is now online.

Seabunny: Whaat? But everyone needs friends :^

Leelee: omg stop fucking spamming my notifications guys

smile the fk more: Charles, mute the chat if you dislike the notifications

Leelee: shut up

smile the fk more: Yeah, I’ll shut up alright Leelee: oh no.

       smile the fk more is now offline.

Leelee: oh n o

Seabunny: So James! What’s your zodiac sign?? favourite animal???

Baguetteroni: Oooooo whats ur favourite color??????

***-***-****: what have you done jefferson

Macaroni Fxcker: I added you to my group chat duh

Macaroni Fxcker: I thought you were smart or somethin

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers

A.Hammy: bruh

Seabunny: ó .ò

Seabunny : What about favourte herbal tea?????

Leelee: wooow.

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers

Macaroni Fxcker: Omg stop

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers Macaoni Fxcker: Bitch Seabunny: Oop-

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers Macaroni Fxcker: You should change your nickname Macaroni Fxcker: Numbers are boring, james >:|

***-***-****: Numbers are not boring and never will be. Just let me leave.

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers

A.Hammy : Stp A.Hammy : fuck i meant stop* A.Hammy: it’s getting annoying

Leelee: lmao fucker Herc’s a femboy: Woah we have a new person 😳😳😳        Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers Macaroni Fxcker: Look, james Macaroni Fxcker: I won’t stop until you stay Seabunny: Yeah!! I tried leaving a bunch of times before but I was never able to leave :>!! ***-***-****: Whatever, I give up. I have things to tend to, anyway. Baguetteroni: Like what        ***-***-**** is now offline. A.Hammy: damn jefferson A.Hammy: you made him mad lmaoo Macaroni Fxcker: I didn’t make him mad >:((((( ______        Macaroni Fxcker is now online. Macaroni Fxcker (5:43 PM): Jamesss are you alive?? Macaroni Fxcker (5:49 PM): Hellloooo??        A.Hammy is now online. A.Hammy: smh A.Hammy: cant you just dm him or some shit Macaroni Fxcker: I feel lonely right now so no >:(( A.Hammy: you’re overdramatic Macaroni Fxcker: You’re a cold blooded tiger shark, idiot A.Hammy: you frivolous wanna-be movie trope Macaroni Fxcker: Bruh you’re just a fuckinsnasdasdkasdjjjdjksdj,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, A.Hammy: what. A.Hammy: answer me A.Hammy: what the hell were you about to say A.Hammy: bitch Macaroni Fxcker: Whoopsie doodlie i dropped my computer on my face teehee o3o A.Hammy: how the hell do you do that? A.Hammy: actually don’t respond A.Hammy: it’s obvious that you of all people would do that Macaroni Fxcker: Ouch, hamilton,, you wound me A.Hammy: i sure hope i do.        Herc’s a femboy is now online. Herc’s a femboy: Kinky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Macaroni Fxcker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) A.Hammy: shut the up Macaroni Fxcker: Excuse me?!?!!?1? A.Hammy: you’re excused Macaroni Fxcker: Humph >:| Herc’s a femboy: Lol gotta go Herc’s a femboy: I still need to finish sewing the scarf Macaroni Fxcker: Byeee A.Hammy: bye A.Hammy: have fun

       Herc’s a femboy is now offline.

       ***-***-**** is now online.

Macaroni Fxcker: Omg james it’s been so looong how are youu? ***-***-****: It’s been at least an hour since we last spoke, Jefferson. Macaroni Fxcker: Ugh only seeing numbers as your name is boooring ***-***-****: Numbers are not boring. A.Hammy: they’re not as boring as your mom tho Macaroni Fxcker: aLex we don’t know anything about james mom don’t say that DD:< A.Hammy: chill A.Hammy: whyre you so mad lmfaoo Macaroni Fxcker: >.> Macaroni Fxcker: James james james james change your nammmeee already ***-***-****: Why, exactly? Macaroni Fxcker: Changing your nickname thingie makes it less likely for you to leave!! Macaroni Fxcker: And i wanna know what creative things you can come up with!        A.Hammy has changed ***-***-****’s nickname to loser Macaroni Fxcker: Wtf hamilton A.Hammy: hahh loser loser: Sigh. loser: If you insist on me changing my nickname, then;        loser changed their name to Pluto A.Hammy: wow so amazing A.Hammy: i bet flat earthers love you

Pluto: What a shame, seeing as how you haven’t confessed to me yet. A.Hammy: what the shit no A.Hammy: smh i don’t support flat earthers Macaroni Fxcker: Woah. Pluto: “Woah”? Macaroni Fxcker: How small are you?? A.Hammy: i swear if you’re taller than me i’m going to kick you into next wednesday Macaroni Fxcker: I meant height btw Pluto: I’m 5’4. Why is this information necessary? Macaroni Fxcker: omg A.Hammy: i Macaroni Fxcker: omg omg omg you finally found someone shorter than you hammy A.Hammy: don’t fucking call me hammy Macaroni Fxcker: Hey, pluto Pluto: Yes? Macaroni Fxcker: Welcome. you have officially joined this group chat! we should celebrate Pluto: Thank you, I suppose. A.Hammy: yeah, welcome A.Hammy: i sure hope you enjoy your stay A.Hammy: because you aren’t getting out of here alive Pluto: I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.3 “Battle of Winterfell”

HOLY SHITSICKLES, YOU GUYZ!

That episode was AH-MAZING. I know it wasn’t exactly the shower of death we expected--I mean, there was TONS of death, don’t get me wrong, but our ultra-beloveds are still safe...for now--but it was still epic. Totally worth having to squint for over an hour at a laptop screen brought obscenely close to my face.

Honestly, I thought it was just me until I logged onto Twitter after the episode and everyone was like:

I also made the grievous error of signing into social media before the episode aired and I saw that “Arya” was trending. I thought that she had been killed and I was about to riot. 

My brother had actually seen the episode before me--we share an HBO Go account with my uncle because as a lifelong bachelor, he can afford all those channels we cannot--and when I turned it on the battle was at the midway point; I was spoiling myself. I texted my bro “I WILL KILL YOU” and he replied with an emoji of a house. IDK if he plans to defend himself with a house or hide in a house or drop a house on me like I’m the Wicked Witch of the East.

As the episode opens, it’s nighttime (of course it is), and Sam’s hands are shaking because it’s really fucking cold. The Winterfellians are ushering everyone who ain’t fighting into the supposedly SAFE IT’S SO SAFE YOU ALL WILL BE SO MUCH SAFER crypt and performing last minute prep. Theon and Co are wheeling BranBot to the Weirwood tree where he will be used as bait to lure out the Night King. 

Sansa and Tyrion and Co. are up on the ramparts. Sansa, naturally, does not look very excited for this party.

The actors’ also. They had to shoot 55 nights in a row.

We get our first glimpse of Drogon and Rhaegal of the episode, AKA the Good Dragons. Because we need to decipher on this show. 

Everybody’s in position. The canons are ready. The awesome catapults are ready. The Dothraki are ready. The Unsullied are ready. 

All the animals, too, are in place. Including Ghost!

Jon/Aegon approaches Dany and her dragons on a hill overlooking Winterfell so they can get a decent view of the happenings below and get better air on their dragonplanes. 

There is SO much to unpack with Jon and Daenerys. They have lots of, uh, “stuff” to deal with, like that he’s technically her nephew and she’s more concerned that he has a claim (and a bigger one) on the Iron Throne than that he’s her blood relation and they’ve had lots of sexy sex. And also that the brother she grew up hearing raped Lyanna Stark actually loved her and married her in secret, thus producing Jon. 

But, er, now is not the time and they know that so they gots to put aside their feels and kick some ice zombie butt and save humanity. I imagine this is how Sophia Bush felt when she still had to work with Chad Michael Murray on One Tree Hill knowing he cheated on her with a teenaged extra. 

Sort of. Minus the whole “we might die” part.

Melisandre rides up after being in Volantis all this time. Remember how she said she’d come back to Westeros just one more time? Well, that time is here. The Red Woman asks Jorah to tell the Dothraki to lift their swords, which he hesitantly does. Melly grasps the front dude’s Arakh, chants some freaky Lord of the Light mojo, and then all the Arakhs, one by one, become alight in flames like Beric Dondarrion’s.

Even Tormund is awed.

The Red Woman continues on, wishing “Valar morghulis” to Grey Worm, who instantly returns with “Valar dohaeris”. Davos, up in the ramparts, having been warily watching Melly, finally gives the order to open the gate. He...is not a fan of Melisandre. She may have brought back Jon from the Great Beyond but she burned Shireen alive. 

However, now is not the time for disputes among the Team Alive population. If they wanna beat Team Undead, they gotta work together. 

Davos goes to meet her and she assures him that there is no need to execute her or anything cus she’ll be dead before dawn. 

Davos:

Up on the roof, Arya catches Melly’s eye. And she don’t look like she’s throwing out the welcome banns.

Melisandre is on there because she kidnapped Gendry all those seasons ago. You know, to do that sexy, leechy blood magic on him. 

And BOOM. The first wave sets off. Mostly consisting of Dothraki on horseback, with Jorah  leading them into battle. Huge alight boulders are also placed inside catapults and set flying. Ghost is seen running beside the horses, teeth gnashing.

Srsly, they need to save that direwolf. The PTB at GoT have already killed the other wolves, with the exception of Nymeria, who has run free, and David and D.B. have confirmed that Crazy Cersei killed Ser Pounce after Tommen died. There is NOT a good track record with pets on this show. 

All the Dothraki race into the fray to meet the undead, ululating and shouting war cries in the Dothraki language. They’re proud. They’re confident. They are WARRIORS. They know what they’re doing. They’ve been raised on this shit.

And then...

That’s the ENTIRE DOTHRAKI HORDE! Just...gone in a few minutes, holy shit .Did GoT just erase the Dothraki?! Just like that, what the fuck?!

Anyone else feel indignant on behalf of the Dothraki? 

Jaime looks like he’s about to shit his Iron Pants.

The second wave all look at each other like “WE ARE SO FUCKED” until some animals and finally people--including Jorah--return to the line. Ghost better be one of them! 

Up on the hill, Dany’s in a panic because, again, the dead desecrated her entire Dothraki forces. And she is understandably devastated; they weren’t loyal to Jon, they were loyal to her. She was their Khaleesi. Their original plan was for them to remain on the hill and take flight there and wait for the dead to come to Winterfell’s gates but we all know that ain’t gonna happen. Jon, awkwardly, tries to intervene when Dany begins to leave, but Dany perseveres. The dead are already here and the Night King is a-comin’.

 On the line, everyone’s waiting with bated breath. Sam looks about ready to pass out. Tormund’s glorious red mane blows in the wind, which the captions keep telling me “whistles”, so I know it is strong. Grey Worm puts on his helmet. The Unsullied army bend and position their weapons and....

The ensuing scuffle is pretty much insanity and confusion. There are dead body parts mixed with the same people we know and love trying to fight them off and, like, totally forever kill them. Brienne shouts “STAND YOUR GROUND!!” like a badass but is immediately overwhelmed and Jaime, upon glimpsing his CO and fellow knight (and maybe something more?) going down in the mud, jumps in to help her. 

Dany and Jon ride in on the backs of Drogon and Rhaegal and it is never not awesome watching dragons spitting fire at their human overlords’ enemies.

Up on the roof of Winterfell, Arya and Sansa are flabbergasted as they watch with dismay the battle below. The blood, the fire, the (good) dragons. Finally, Arya turns to Sansa and implores her sister to get into the (VERY SAFE EVERYONE WILL BE SAFE THERE SWEARSIES) crypt.

Sansa doesn’t know how to use it, she is not trained in combat. Arya just tells her to stick the wights with the pointy end.

Good advice, Arya!

At the Weirwood tree, Theon and Co. are doing their bestest to keep the BranBot safe while he attempts to lure Ol’ Nighty out of his hidey-hole. And on the battlefield, Jorah falls off his horse decapitating ice zombies, Jaime is going through the dead like toilet paper (or whatever they used back then...what did they use?), and Sam is...well, he’s trying, poor lamb. Ultimately though, he becomes overwhelmed and Mr. Edd has to save his butt.

Sealing his fate.

Stabbed through the back of the head, that is quite dolorous. 

Sansa goes down into the crypt, where all the nearby tenants who have no fight training are gathered already. Wordlessly, a ball of nerves, she meets the eyes of Missandei and Tyrion, the latter of whom, naturally, takes a drink.

I’d drink, too, in that scenario.

In the air, Jon and Dany are on the backs of their respective dragons, which I guess is the ye olde version of aerial warfare, battling the elements as well as the gross horde down below. It’s snowing and raining and they’re stuck in a low hanging cloud or maybe some fog idk I can’t SEE.

Someone shouts to fall back and the gates to Winterfell are opened--by Lyanna Mormont’s command, that pint sized badass--and men start piling in. Grey Worm orders the Unsullied to protect the retreat as best they could and stand their ground, damnit.

Jon finally comes out of the cloud but Dany doesn’t, and he lands with a worried look on his face. More men pour in through the gates while Brienne and Jaime usher them inside. 

Arya, from the top of Winterfell, uses her archery skillz to take out the munchers creepin’ up behind Woof.

It’s a milestone every teenage girl reaches and it brings a tear to your eye, it does.

Grey Worm gives the order to fall back and light the trench and we the audience are like--

I cannot say enough how dark this episode is. I have my screen up to 100 percent brightness and I am still squinting doing this recap.

He’s really referring to Dany here, whom he’s trying to signal with torches, but she and Drogon are still stuck in that wholly inconvenient cloud/fog thing. Truly, the worst weather has converged on this one location in Westeros on the one night that they really need clear skies. All that’s missing is a hurricane. 

But Davos speaks for us all. 

So, Team Alive is all scrambling around trying to light the trenches with torches but they can’t because they’re kinda preoccupied battling the undead. That is where Melly steps in. After reciting some of that weird mojo in High Valyrian, the deep trenches throughout the Winterfell grounds become alight.

And the rest of us blink our eyes repeatedly in thanks.

The wights are separated from Winterfell behind the trenches and the Hound’s kinda freaking out because he doesn’t exactly like fire, having had his face nearly melted off by his brother, the Mountain. So he disappears. 

Down in the crypt, everyone is hearing all the crazy going on upstairs and Varys is like “At least we’re already in a crypt, eh?” and no one’s amused.

Tyrion is anxious. He wants to be doing something, damnit! Like he did at the Battle of Blackwater. Maybe seeing something that no one else has figured yet. But Sansa, Lady of Hindsight, tells him to sit his ass down. It won’t do anyone good if Tyrion joins the Army of the Dead. Tyrion makes a smartass remark about how there is no organization less suited to his abilities and Sansa, Milady Logic, is all “Witty remarks won’t help you, all we can do now is wait. That’s why we is down here, because we can’t do nothin’” and Tyrion pauses before--

Tyrion, Lord of Winterfell? A Lannister?! Why not? Weirder shit has happened on GoT. Weirder shit is happening right now.

Then, Sansa squashes that by laying this on the table: it’d never work between them because of the Dragon Queen. Their divided loyalties would come between them. But before Tyrion can reply, Missandei, who has been eavesdropping on their convo, cuts in like “Yeah, damn that Dragon Queen! Y’all wouldn’t have to worry about that crap without her because...we’d all be dead, so...”

Whatever you think of Dany, there is no way the North would live without her and her armies and dragons. They’d be overrun within minutes. 

At the Weirwood tree, Theon and Co. have formed a barrier before BranBot. Theon remarks that the trenches have been lit, then, haltingly, turns to BranBot and starts to apologize for, yanno, turning on the only family that ever loved him and claiming Winterfell for himself. 

Dime store psychics around the globe should replace their crystal balls with miniature BranBots.

Then he says he’s going to go now, just like that, and he wargs into a raven to find the Night King’s position.

Gee. Why didn’t I ever think of that to get out of conversations? 

“Hey, Bee, how’d you do on your stats exam?”

“...oh, uh, I did, er, ok. I’m gonna go now.” Wargs into chicken. 

Ah, there’s Ol’ (really Ol’, Ancient Ol’) Nighty, riding Viserion, looking all creepy and stuff.

Not quite, Nighty, not quite.

Zombies are an impatient lot. They’re hungry and dead and they’re doomed to shamble around the earth forever. So, if a few have to be sacrificed in order for the rest of Team Undead to cross the trenches, so be it. One by one, the ice zombies literally throw themselves on the line of fire, sandwiching their ewwie bodies until the rest of the horde can safely use them as a bridge to cross. An Undead Bridge, if you will. 

When Davos realizes what they are doing, the look on his face is quite classic horror movie:

You know when you’re watching a scary movie and the protagonist or whoever hears something or sees something but isn’t quite sure what it is, only knowing that it’s bad mmkay? That is that look.

Davos shouts the order to man the walls of Winterfell. Elsewhere on the battlefied, Jon is still in the same spot he landed, anxious about Dany. He glimpses a dragon emerge from the fog and, at first, he thinks it’s Daenerys but it soon becomes evident that it’s the Night King riding on Viserion.

Winterfell, meanwhile, is all cloaked in a cloud of mud and rain. The soldiers and Northerners are clambering to keep the White Walkers from penetrating the walls of the castle. 

They have to keep them from legit climbing the damn walls.

If I’m ever a zombie, I want the Night King to make me. Apparently, rigor mortis is not a thing in wights.

The wights keep climbing until some of them start to get over the wall despite Jaime, Brienne, et. al. slicing off head after head. They just keep coming. The Team Undead horde is massive.

I bet the denizens of Winterfell are wishing for a nice, stationary mall right about now.

Soldiers are going over the railings, Sam’s whimpering butt has to be saved again, and the Hound is utterly frozen. It’s all just anarchy. 

Beric and his Flaming Sword of Justice attempt to get Woofie’s attention again but to no avail. Arya’s doing her thang with her pointed staff, taking out wight after wight with Davos looking on, impressed (knight or not, you have been bested by a teenager, old man).

And then, this:

ZOMBIE GIANTS!

ZOMBIFIED MOTHAFUCKIN’ GIANTS. 

“Fee, fi, fo fum, I smell the blood of EVERYONE.”

It pushes her to the side like she’s a goddamn sack of potatoes and it’s smacking people around with its club like they’re nothing but rag dolls. Arya falls down a set of stairs as wights group in to attack her and smacks her forehead on the side of a wall. Not up to her usual Faceless Man self after that, she stumbles and nearly falls off the roof, which finally energizes the Hound to action. 

On the ground, Lyanna’s had enough of being tossed around by White Walker McGigantor. 

She screams, races toward it, it grabs her in its huge fist, and, blood pouring out of her mouth and nose and it crushes her, she STABS IT THROUGH THE FRIGGING EYEBALL.

It’s a fitting end for an awesome character. Lyanna made such an impression on everyone and her cumulative screentime was just over fifteen minutes on the show.

In the air, Jon and Dany are finally reunited again when out of nowhere sails the Night King and his trusty Undragon.

Looks like someone has been chewing too much Winterfresh!

Viserion lets loose a stream of Winterfresh friendly fire and Daenerys ducks and whimpers as her undead baby tries to kill her. When the Night King sails off, Jon and Dany look at each other before mutually agreeing in some unspoken communication to dive.

Aww, they are communicating without words already! Bestill my lowkey-shipping-for-incest heart.

In Winterfell, the White Walkers have managed to break into the halls of the castle and, in less...white climes, they look less frozen and more, well, zombie. Arya, with her trusty staff, is attempting to sneak through her ancestral home without alerting Team Undead.

Unfortunately, she stumbles into the library and, weird, there are a lot of wights in the library. I didn’t know ice zombies were such avid readers.

What? Ice zombies need wank material, too, you know.

That is, if their genitals haven’t fallen off.

Our girl is creeping through the library, dodging errant undead in her wake. Desperately, she dives under a table, but the blood from her head wound is dripping on the floor, which attracts a nearby wight.

You know, like a shark.

The wight bends down and almost catches her, giving us all a mini heart attack, but Arya is gone. Phew.

BT-dubbs, that wight is none other than Javier Botet, who has made a sort of career playing monsters, including as the Leper in 2017′s It. 

He was cast on purpose because he can contort his body in absurd ways. And I apologize for making you look at the Leper again. Yeesh. 

Grabbing a book, she sails it across the floor to distract the zombies, runs into one going around the corner who then meets the fun end of her blade, and escapes the library. 

Who knew a library could be so dangerous?

Arya escapes into a chamber and softly closes the door behind her, leaning back against it. She seems to be safe for a moment and then--

Ser Brus of House Bannyr. He’s a buddy of the Mountain.

Wights start pouring in and Arya runs. She runs, runs, runs--down through the narrow, damp, ill-lighted walls of Winterfell, bleeding from her head wound. 

Meanwhile, just below her down in the crypt--

It’s SAFE it’s so SAFE, you guys.

The denizens of the crypt wait with bated breath and gasp when two desperate soldiers ram against the crypt door, begging to be let in. Sansa looks conflicted, wanting to help the soldiers but not at the cost of any of her people. 

In the corridors, Beric Dondarrion and his Flaming Sword of Justice and the Hound are tiptoeing through Winterfell when they hear battling and growling noises (thank you, captions) and Arya falls through a doorway with wights quickly after her. The Hound picks her up and they all race down the hall, Beric throws his sword at a couple of White Walkers but they soon begin to overwhelm him. Arya gazes back at him in desperation as the Hound tries to get her away, and Beric is stabbed by one of Team Undead. He stands there, limbs akimbo face aloft as if praying to the Lord of the Light.

I love this scene. It further underscores how much Arya has come to mean to the Hound. Before, he was frozen, nothing could jolt him out of his panic but the image of Arya in peril. And he spends the rest of the episode fighting not so much for the living but for her. 

Beric manages to stumble down the hall after Arya and the Hound and they lock a door behind him. Arya sits him against a wall while the Hound barricades the door with anything nearby.

Muttering unintelligibly, the man who was resurrected six times closes his eyes forever.

 Melisandre appears behind them after Beric passes, letting them know that he served his purpose. Arya knows her; the Red Woman promised her that they’d meet again and there they are. She also promised that Arya would close many eyes in her young life, which was also right. Brown eyes. Green eyes. And blue eyes. 

The wights are growling and scratching at the door, eager to come in and kill and feast on human flesh and blood. Arya stares while Melly bends down and whispers in her ear--

At the Weirwood tree, the wights are finally a-comn’ for BranBot and Theon and his men get into position with flaming arrows (I am now really in the mood for smores). Simultaneously, Dany/Drogon, Jon/Rhaegal/ and Ol’ Nighty/Viserion are duking it out in the air above them, the archers below attempting to knock the Undragon out of the sky. 

It’s like a WWII aerial dogfight, but with dragons. So, like, a dragonfight.

Someone has entered his rebellious goth phase!

Srsly, what other show offers a mid-air dragon fight?

The dragonfight ends, somehow, only with the Night King falling off his chosen Undragon.

Rhaegal makes a shaky landing--there is plenty of turbulence in the North, after all--and Jon rolls off his favorite dragon. Dany continues the hunt for Ol’ Nighty and when she finds him, she gives the order for Drogon to do his thang.

It...doesn’t work out as hoped.

The Night King grins and throws his ice staff at Drogon, the weapon that took down Viserion. Fortunately, the ensuing hit isn’t fatal and Dany turns tail and gets out of there before it is.

Jon whips out his trusty sword and begins following the Night King. But when Ol’ Nighty realizes he’s being followed, he turns around, bestows upon Jon a “teacher catching you doing something naughty” stare, and...does his thang. 

Team Alive desecrated many of your army? Just make a new one like that. Using his dark hippity doo da, the Night King raises all the soldiers (formerly) of Team Alive who fell in battle. And there’s a fucking lot of them. Including fallen Unsullied back at Winterfell’s gates and even Lyanna Mormont. 

At the castle, Jaime and Grey Worm look on in confusion and horror.

New inductees to Team Undead swarm in on Jon as the Night King and some of his disciples make their way to Winterfell. 

In the crypt, it was only a matter of time until this happened:

Y’all need some stronger building materials. This cannot be up to code. What would the leader of the HOA say?

Everyone in the crypt scatters in panic, minus the unlucky few who become Thing Food.

At the Weirwood tree, Theon and Co. are doing their best Robin Hood while BranBot is still checked out. I guess he’s in the raven, trying to get a location on the Night King? BranBot, do us all a favor and crap on his head.

(You missed! He was totally open, Bird! Damn.)

Jon almost gets overwhelmed until Dany and Drogon come to the rescue and manage to char the ice zombies without turning the one guy who is alive into a crispie critter, too. She tells him to go, be the hero we need, and he runs off. 

However, before Drogon can fly off, he, too, is quickly overcome with wights, tearing at his wings, climbing all over his spine. He roars and twists and turns and Dany goes tumbling off.

Drogon flies away with some wights still hanging onto him, trying to get all the annoying dead OFF. They must itch like crazy. 

He leaves his mommy behind and suddenly Dany is alone in a battlefield surrounded by Team Undead. She has no weapons. Her main weapon was Drogon. He is how she defeats her enemies. What the hell is she gonna do now?

One of the wights falls off Drogon and has blue eyes only for Dany. Who is alone. Vulnerable. Fucking sitting in the dirt. 

But, what luck! Jorah of House Fryndzonne appears out of nowhere to decapitate the wight with Heartsbane and protect his Khaleesi. 

I’ve been looking for an excuse to use that. Not a big anime fan but I love Hetalia. 

Jon makes his way back to Winterfell, stickin’ and stabbin’ and gruntin’ and growlin’ and bein’ manly. He’s had it up to here with them ice zombies, you guys.

Theon and Co. are working all the harder to protect BranBot while he’s still Like A Bird. Theon’s men all go down and soon he’s left alone to defend the automaton that was once Brandon Stark.

In the crypt, Tyrion and Sansa are hiding behind a cement monument. Their wordless communication, expressed through the eyes alone, sends a chill down my spine. There is so much unsaid in that mutual gaze, and the acting here is superb. Props to Peter Dinklage and Sophie Turner. 

Sansa, shaking, whips out the dagger Arya gave her, and Tyrion kisses her hand.

If they both live through season 8, maybe those crazy kids could make it work? Tyrion would be a kick Lord of Winterfell. I can see him in a furry cape.

Elsewhere, Viserion is utterly destroying Winterfell.

Dany and Jorah are desperately stabbing at ice zombies on the battlefield. Tyrion and Sansa carefully run out from behind the monument. Jon just barely dodges a wave of blue fire as Viserion continues to destroy Winterfell. Theon is doing is damndest to shield BranBot from the White Walkers, but he’s evidently slowing down.

And then, oh crap, there he is. In slow motion, like he knows all eyes are on him.

Hey yeah yeah, they’re Calyfornya. 

Jorah is working alllllllll his muscles trying to protect his Khaleesi. Jaime and Brienne are backed up against a still standing wall of Winterfell as wights close in around them.

The Night King and his Night Kronies are coming for BranBot.

The remaining wights part for their Icicle Overlord. He stands there glowering down at Theon and BranBot. BranBot tells Theon he is a good man and thanks him and the audience is like--

I thought BranBot wasn’t programmed to say thank you. Ask Meera. 

Theon grasps his pointed staff firmly, yells, and runs toward Ol’ Nighty, who, of course, grabs it and stabs him right through the gut.

Sorry, Theon. You managed to survive Ramsey (and getting your Reek cut off) but the Night King was your undoing. You lasted most of the show, though. That’s more than can be said for most characters.

Speaking of lasting most of the show--

Beric, Theon, now Jorah. Everybody stab now!

Jon is hiding behind some debris. The Night King walks ever closer to BranBot. Jon gets up and screams at Viserion for some reason. BranBot gazes up at the Night King. The Night King begins to reach for his ice sword, and then--

Arya Stark, like the fucking avenging angel she is!

I love that she was the one to destroy the Night King. She and Lyanna Mormont were both frigging awesome this episode.

Moral: don’t mess with a girl.

Maisie Williams said in EW that when she initially read the script she was afraid people would think she didn’t deserve it or something. To that I say pish posh. “Arya” has been trending for days. 

After he explodes, all the wights begin to fall, including Viserion. Team Alive was right. Kill the Night King, his disciples are toast, too.

The crypt people come out of their hiding places and silently view the carnage. Arya looks over at BranBot and smiles a little. BranBot just sits there without offering a thank you. I guess he only malfunctioned that one time with Theon.

Unfortunately, the zombies aren’t the only ones that fall. Jorah is hurt and hurt badly. He buckles on the battlefield, surrounded by inactive wights, bleeding from seeming every orifice. Dany bends down before him, crying and holding his head.

He dies in her arms. A fitting end for Jorah of House Mormont, forever loyal to his Khaleesi.

So is Dany’s dragon.

Aww. That’s...cute. Like a dog with wings. And scales. That breathes fire.

The Hound, Melisandre, and Davos walk out of Winterfell just as dawn is breaking. The Hound and Davos stop at the door but Melisandre keeps going, looking determined. Shedding her trademark red cloak, she marches forward, ridding herself of the ruby necklace that has kept her young for centuries.

And then, growing older before their eyes, she perishes. Her mission is complete.

And that’s the end of the episode. Cue end credits.

Salt and crackers, that took FOREVER. Every free moment I had I was recappin’. But the episode was awesome and the cast says the next episode is even more awesome so I can’t wait!

Now comes the march on King’s Landing, the taking of the crown, and, hopefully, Cersei gonna die. Who’s gonna have her head? Will it be Jaime? Arya? Tyrion? My bet is Jaime.

Also, congats are in order for our Sansa Stark. Sophie Turner got married to Joe Jonas last night after the Billboard Music Awards. In Vegas with an Elvis impersonator presiding, which is fantastic. 

[kittywolves]

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!! 

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute 

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die 

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama 

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes:  a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE 

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples 

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels:  F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R  T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses 

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday 

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!! 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off 

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep 

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs.... 

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no, 

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games 

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio 

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils 

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

[fussysim]

simself tag

i was tagged by @petitesimss & @peakanss 🍒

i tag @peachy-flesh, @toxicen, @pixeltownies, @penelope-and-wonders, @vvladislaus but if anyone wants to do this go ahead!!! 

traits: goofball, lazy, hot-headed

aspiration: bestselling author (hiiiiiii)

1. What is your full name? antonina joanna 

2.What is your nickname? tosia

3. Birthday? april 7

4. What is your favorite book series? harry potter ofccccc

5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? YES STRONGLY

6. Who is your favorite author? jakub żulczyk (a great polish author!!)

7. What is your favorite radio station? none

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i always go for cherry but lime is great too

9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? zajebiste!!

10. What is your current favorite song? mac miller - whats the use? orrr a$ap rocky - sundress

11. What is your favorite word? biiitch

12. What is the last song you listened to? the internet - stay the night

13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? rupaul’s drag race always!!!!! and maybe the haunting of hill house

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? shrek, mean girls and any marvel movie 

15. Do you play video games?  well...............not really tbh

16. What is your biggest fear? my parents finding out about me dropping out of school

17. What is your best quality in  your opinion? i’m a good listener (at least that’s what i’ve heard)

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? my appearance lol and laziness

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? i have three cats and one dog so:))

20. What is your favorite season? spring

21. Are you in a relationship? yes!!!!!

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? living with my parents duhhhh and being carefree

23. Who is your best friend? my bf or my mom lol

24. What is your eye color? green

25. What is your hair color? blonde

26. Who is someone you love? my mom dad bf and dog

27. Who is someone you trust? NO ONE

28. Who is someone you think about Often? my dog fiona

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? rpdr all stars 4 

30. What is your biggest obsession? drag queens. and my dog fiona

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? well my fav was the cramp twins and of course hannah montana??

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? my bf

33. Are you superstitious? 50/50

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? wet food in the sink 

35. Do you perfer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it for suuuureee

36. What is your favorite hobby? writing. i mean, i used to write a lot

37. What is the last book you read? first snow by jo nesbø

38. What is the last movie you watched? 14 cameras (boring, dumb and disgusting)

39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? i tried playing guitar but i was lazy 

40. What is your favorite animal? my dog fiona!!!

41. What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i’m shy yall i can’t just expose myself like this

42. What superpower do you wish you had? i just wish i wasn’t this dumb lol

43. When and where do you feel most at piece? my hometown

44. What makes you smile? my boyfriend, my dad’s calls, my mom sending me pics of my dog, food, memes

45. What sports do you play, if any? none lol

46. What is your favorite drink? red fruits tea

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? like a year ago?? for my boyfriend when i wasn’t in the mood for talking

48: Are you afraid of heights? well i’d like to say no but i’m a chicken 

49: What is your biggest pet peeve: biting nails lol i hate it, emma chamberlain’s videos (i don’t think she’s funny at all lol she’s just regular bitchy high schooler)

50. Have you ever been to a concert? yeah

51. Are you vagan/ vegetarian? NO but i’m gathering informations how and when to start

52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? a  princess tbh but i wanted to be a vet too

53: What fictional world would you like to live in? greendale lol

54. What is something you worry about? that my parents will hate me lol

55. Are you scared of the dark? YEP i’m the meme where the person has to check if the chair is the demon

56. Do you like to sing? nah

57. Have you ever skipped school? i used to all the time 

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? my home!!!!!! with my pets, boyfriend and family

59. Where would you like to live? the netherlands for sure

60. Do you have any pets? 3 cats 1 dog 

61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl for

62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunset

63. Do you know how to drive? yes but i dont have driving license:/

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? no but i will soon

66: What is your favorite genre of music? i like 2000′s music lol, r&b, recent polish rap music and pop 

67: Who is your hero? my dad

68: Do you read comic books? if i had some i would

69: What makes you most angry? stupid people and me myself and i

70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? real book my eyes can’t take electronic devices

71. What is your favorite subject in school? english, polish and histor

72. Do you have any siblings? yep i have older brother and sister

73. What was the last thing you bought? groceries 

74. How tall are you? 158cm

75. Can you cook? yeah the only thing i’m good at tbh

76. What are three things that you love? my boyfriend, my pets, my family

77. What are three things you hate? fortnite, expired lush products, my friend’s boyfriends

78. Do you have more male or female friends? equally

79. What is your sexual orientation? i’m in love with person not a gender

80. Where do you currently live? poland!=

81. Who was the last person you texted? my mom 

82. When was the last time you cried? 20 minutes ago BUT FROM LAUGHING OK

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? of course its shane dawson lol and elle mills and a few polish simmers

84. Do you like to take selfies? yes i am very insecure but also very vain 

85. What is your favorite app? stardew valley on mobile??

86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)? i used to hate them but now?? we’re best friends

87. What is your favorite foreign accent: i don’t have one:(

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? nyc

89. What is your favorite number? 7

90. Can you juggle? no

91. Are you religious? i don’t know anymore

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space, ocean scares tf out of me

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no!!!!

94. Are you allergic to anything? grass??

95. Can you curl your tounge? yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? no

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? when i’m in trouble only

98. Do you perfer the forest or the beach? beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? you will always grow back which means that no matter what you can always bounce back 

100. Are you a good liar? yes, indeed

101. What is your Hogwarts house? HUFFLEPUFF!!

102. Do you talk to yourself? when i fck something up

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yes but i don’t write in it anymore, i just keep things in it

105. Do you believe in second chances? yes i believe in 52543 chances bc i’m weak

106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? uuhhhh idk

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but only with help

108. Are you ticklish? yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? no:( i’m scared

110. Do you have any piercings? i used to have my nose pierced

111. What fictional character do you wish were real? 

112. Do you have any tattoos? i have lil tattoo on my middle finger i did myself like 5 years ago

113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? get a dog with my sister without my parents knowledge

114. Do you believe in karma? yes for sure

115. Do you waer glasses or contacts? glasses

116. Do you want children? uh tbh i’m jaded, i would rather adopt

117. Who is the smartest person you know? my dad

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? lying to my teacher and getting caught

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? yep i used to do this a lot but then i moved in with my boyfriend:(

120. What color are most of your clothes? black and pastel

121. Do you like adventure? YES

122. Have you ever been on TV? i don’t think so

123. How old are you? 20yo!!

124. What is your favorite quote? you will always grow back??

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory (and spicy!!!!!!)

[unlimitedskyeproductions]

100 Random Things About Daisuke Okana

1: goes by the name of Daisuke Okana 2: 21 years old 3: born on a Wednesday at 8:47 AM on February 29th 4: works as a detective 5: always has a way of fucking things up (and thus gained the nickname "Ohno" - used in the context of  "Oh no, Daisuke!") 6: generally pretty chill and laid back about shit 7: always the calm one 8: despite this he gets really excited way too easily over the stupidest, simplest shit 9: smooth-talking charmer who's also kind of an airhead 10: knows he has a tendency to fuck shit up so he always goes out of his way to do better - though he usually just fucks up even worse than before 11: really great stamina 12: doesn't really care for material stuff  at all, but when someone gives him a materialistic gift he cherishes that item like it's some kind of blessed artifact 13: spends about 10 hours a day just snacking or eating 14: generally whenever you see him there's a 70% chance he'll be eating something 15: sweet but very very clumsy 16: can't seem to get his shit together 17: the only kinds of music he ever listens to is either hardcore dubstep or really shitty pop music (Skrillex and Britney Spears come to mind) 18: lovES CATS 19: dedicated smoker and has been for 7 years 20: bisexual as hell 21: has a lot of really unusual quirks 22: his social cues are kinda fucked sometimes 23: he's either really great at reading people's emotions or absolutely hopeless at it, just depends on how his day's been so far 24: never goes anywhere without his lucky penny tucked safely into his coat pocket 25: he's a super sweet guy and he absolutely Can Not take it when people are upset with him because he feels so damn guilty about it 26: really fucking smart despite being such an airhead (university graduate with honors) 27: possibly might have some level of high-functioning autism but nobody's really sure 28: hates memes but at the same time is a total memelord 29: he has a really bad habit of using the office computer to send  funny cat videos to his coworkers 30: His Voice Is Like Fucking Silk 31: if he hears one of his favorite songs on the radio he'll immediately start singing along no matter where he is 32: instantly becomes Illiterate without his reading glasses 33: manscaping expert (seriously this guy's entire body is fucking  h a i r l e s s) 34: MASTER OF MARIOKART AND STREET FIGHTER 35: loves zombie horror movies (his favorite movie of all time is Shaun of the Dead) 36: afraid of thunderstorms and the dark (but shhhhhh that's a secret) 37: owns three cats - Mr. Pickles, Bowtie and Whiskey (whom was supposed to be named Whiskers but his phone changed it and it sort of stuck) 38: always seems to have exactly what you need at that exact moment - need a pair of scissors? he has em. need an extra sock? he has that too. also snacks 39: here's a secret - he has no idea how to tie a tie (all his ties are clip-ons) 40: here's another secret - he has a three year old daughter (the marriage didn't work out and now he's only allowed to see her three times a week because his ex is a spiteful bitch) 41: he's a very good daddy tho and his daughter practically worships him 42: can't cook whatsofuckingever 43: loves the wintertime because then he gets to run around in the snow 44: airheaded man-child 45: has a scar on his left shoulder from that one time he casually took a bullet 46: actually kind of artistic and doodles a lot 47: one time his neighbors called the cops on him because they heard him screaming and stuff getting broken and they thought he was being murdered - in reality a bat had flown in and he was having a very difficult time getting rid of it (the cops helped him out with that tho) 48: LOVES pulling stupid pranks on his coworkers, especially his partner 49: his partner kinda hates him apparently so he's always doing dumb shit to try and make him smile - often fails 50: collects socks (only the cool kinds with awesome patterns though) 51: he'll generally dress however you tell him to but you're in for one hell of a struggle if you tell him he can't wear his favorite coat and his favorite pair of fluorescent green glow in the dark socks 52: he'll get really aggressive when he's protecting his loved ones but most of the time he's just a gigantic marshmallow 53: he hates when he makes people upset with him and he'll pull out all the stops to get that person to forgive him 54: he watches a lot of cartoons with his daughter and long story short he's memorized every single fucking episode of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic (unintentionally, of course. dude ain't no brony.) 55: LOVES BOARD GAMES 56: super athletic and goes to the gym every night after work 57: will not hesitate to go on a 45 minute rant about why the best television show in history was Doctor Who 58: a bit of a slacker but dependable as fuck when it matters most 59: hates spiders 60: his hair is suuuuuuuuuper fluffy and soft 61: he'll let his daughter give him makeovers and dress him up like a princess 62: he doesn't mind this at all and the only thing that matters is seeing her smile 63: one time after a visit with his daughter he came to work he next day and completely forgot the fact he had a bunch of brightly colored hairpins in his hair and a Hello Kitty headband on (he was pretty chill about it when people told him this information) 64: his number one weakness is food 65: loves ramen noodles oh my fUCKING GOD he loves rame noodles 66: he loves getting praise and compliments from people because he knows he always messes things up so when he gets praised it makes him feel extra special 67: he'll usually let you say whatever you want to him and tease him to your heart's content - he generally just does not care if you're poking fun at him because he only wants to make people smile. and if you're at your happiest when you're making fun of him, well, he'll let it continue 68: 100% cannot function properly in his daily life without his morning cup of coffee (with whiskey added, obviously) 69: despite having an ex-wife and a kid he HAS actually been with dudes in the past (that's actually part of the reason why his wife left him) 70: WILL FUCKING NOT let people mistreat his loved ones 71: cancer survivor 72: generally lives off of McDonald's, rice, and ramen noodles 73: he'll go grocery shopping like a normal but usually not unless it's the day before his daughter gets dropped off (he's fine living off the bare minimum, but he'll be fucking DAMNED if he lets his daughter eat fucking ramen noodles for lunch) 74: he's actually SUPER ticklish 75: an expert at guns and shit 76: very knowledgeable about cheese????? for some weird reason????? 77: he can literally rant for two hours on all the types of cheese and how good or bad they are compare to others 78: recently he had to buy a new phone because he couldn't turn off the capslock and there was a whole week whrere he was just scREAMING AT HIS COWORKERS THROUGH TEXT and it was very awkward 79: he can and will fall asleep literally fucking anywhere 80: despite being a dedicated smoker he NEVER smokes around his daughter EVER 81: when he's not working a case he'll spend every second of his free time either working to get full custody of his daughter or trying to get his partner to open up more and be more sociable 82: loves singing and playing this prized  guitar and he'll often do karaoke night at the bar on weekends 83: not an alcoholic but he will go to his favorite bar at least three nights a week because he's super great friends with the bartender (who also happens to be his best friend from high school) 84: he won't get drunk on those nights and while he may have a drink or two, but generally he just drinks water since he's there to socialize, not get wasted 85: loves sweet foods and desserts 86: juuuuuuuuust a little bit vain 87: also sort of flirtatious 88: just a little bit tho 89: always VERY enthusiastic about the smallest things (you could tell him to meet you at a fancy hotel and he'd literally just stand in front of the room's door for three minutes just staring at the doorknob like "check out this awesome doorknob! it's so shiny! i can see my reflection in it!") 90: just a big gigantic soft fluffy marshmallow up to 98% of the time 91: he loves showering his loved ones in compliments and random yet VERY EXPENSIVE BORDERLINE BANKRUPTING gifts 92: approximately 6-something-ish feet in height 93: really bad at swimming 94: master at playing pool 95: LOVES hugs and physical affection 96: has a secret manga collection but nobody knows this 97: sort of a dork 98: loves stupid comedy movies and silly tv shows 99: cannot ever resist the opportunity to make a cheesy joke or a pun 100: only true anime fans will get this but generally his ENTIRE character is a cross between Kotetsu Kaburagi, Dazai Osamu and Lockon Stratos (yes, I know, I'm VERY original here)

[carmineclock]

> A few days before, on Christmas~

Trace 12:47 AM

> Grabs Fin sometime during the holidays and pulls him aside. "So, when do we wanna do it?"

Fin 12:51 AM

" Do you have the rings ?"

Trace 1:02 AM

"Yep." > Pull two boxes out of the pocket and hand Fin one.

Fin 1:04 AM

"Then we can do this today why not?. I got a fine whiskey saved up for something special we can drink that or do you want champagne?." >Open the box and well...cry a little bit "Its really going to happen hu?"

Trace 1:10 AM

> Grin. You're nervous too, alright. "You're not gonna back out, are you?"

Fin 1:13 AM

"Of course not. Today of all days i'm feeling sort of brave" >smile at your lovely shark and hug him "How are you feeling though. You are the one who knows her the best. Are you ready?"

Trace 1:27 AM

> Take a deep breath and then smile. "Yes. I think. I'm sure. Do we want to do it when everyone is getting together or later when we're alone?"

Fin 1:33 AM

"Just because i get a bit of stage frights lets do this alone for now. We can get down to celebrate with the rest later"

Trace 1:36 AM

"Alright." > You stand there and shift a little, nervous and excited, then give Fin a kiss. "I can't wait."

Fin 1:45 AM

"Wait shouldn't we change into something better?"

Trace 1:47 AM

> ... "Better than this?" > I mean. You got a few other suits in your wardrobe.

Fin 1:50 AM

"You can always do better. Let's get changed. Besides wouldn't you want to wear something olive?"

Trace 1:50 AM

"I suppose. Will you do me the honor of dressing me?"

Fin 1:52 AM

"Of course, lets fix your suit first then i will get changed. Let's do this quick before somebody sees us"

Trace 1:53 AM

"Okay." > Time to get fancy.

Fin 1:55 AM

>And fancy it is, of course that Fin has bought already shirts and coats that would fit a olive aesthetic in case they decided to be all gay with Nepeta. >Fix up your boyfriend first. "So what are we going to say ?"

Trace 1:59 AM

> You're very feeling fancy. And maybe a bit uncomfortable because these aren't your usual clothes that you're so used to. Or it's just the nerves. "That we got a gift for her?"

Fin 2:00 AM

"Sounds good. Do you think you cand o the talking? your knees look weak tonight" >laugh

Trace 2:02 AM

"I can definitely do the talking. Just not the standing maybe."

> Grin and kiss him. "Managed to do it with you too."

Fin 2:07 AM

"and you almost die." >Finish tying his tie good one nice color pap pap. "Alright let me change and we can go...oof. I wish i was more prepared i feel like crying everytime, good thing i dont wear make up" >Fan yourself to stop from crying again

Trace 2:19 AM

> Cackles and kiss his cheek. "Save the tears for when we ask her, she'll love it."

Fin 2:25 AM

"I can't ! i feel like you've opened a shower on my eyes god damn" >undress at the speed of light this needs to happen soon or you will continue to cry until you are dry as a raisin "Are we missing anything? we got the rings, we look awesome. Where should we do this ?"

Trace 2:27 AM

"Her room, inbetween all the cats? Or, on the roof like our moment?""

Fin 2:28 AM

"I mean roof wins dramatic points. but the room has something cute about it. i will let you decide" >change your clothes meanwhile

Trace 2:29 AM

"Dammit, Fin."

Fin 2:32 AM

"Dammit indeed... I mean i would pick the roof because i love dramatically awesome things. But how can we call her there without  raising any suspicion of you know...something big happening?"

Trace 2:34 AM

"Does it really matter if we raise suspicion if the big moment is coming right after?"

Fin 2:36 AM

"I mean whats the point of doing it with a bang if the bang was suspected to happen ?. Maybe we can tell her to go first cuz we gonna have a drinking party, tell her its about celebrating maybe our ashen stuff? so its not only us 3?. Hmmmmmmmm or we could just go with that and hope shes tired enough not to care why. I'm sorry i tend to get all twisted about these things...i..i want it to be perfect"

Trace 2:37 AM

"Shhh." > Kiss him. "It'll be perfect, no matter if she expects something or not. I don't think she'll expect that to happen though."

Fin 2:40 AM

>fix your hair nervously "I'm really trying not to peek on the trails right now. Ok lets just go before i die"

Trace 2:43 AM

> Help him fix his hair a little. It's tempting to just ruffle and mess it up again, but the two of you are already nervous. "Your idea isn't bad though. We should invite Clover anyway."

Fin 2:58 AM

"Later , once we got her yes. I kinda want to have this moment for us only. Is that too selfish of me to ask ?"

Trace 3:06 AM

"Not at all. That's fine."

Fin 3:08 AM

>sigh ok everything is fine "shall we then?"

Trace 3:17 AM

"We shall." > Up you go. > On the way there you send Nepeta a message. 03: Hey, come join us on the roof 03: It's a wonderful night today.

Fin 3:18 AM

05: got some nice whiskey too lets party kitty

05: let that partitty out

>walk in circles while craddling the bottle

Trace 3:19 AM

03: Already on it

Fin 3:24 AM

>jump jump jump "Oh boy oh boy here we go its happening"

Trace 3:26 AM

> Cackle. "If you don't want her to suspect anything, you're doing a very bad job at it. Come sit down with me."

Fin 3:27 AM

"right right" >join your nerd

Nepeta 3:29 AM

:33 < theres titties and booze? im in!!! be right there! > Right now you are mainly suspecting something kinky. Its always something kinky with them, yes? > You are ready for that in either event and quickly make your way up to the roof. Kitties here! "Is this where the hot shark party is at?"

Fin 3:45 AM

(so 35nep?)

Trace 3:57 AM

"Hot sharks and a party. Can confirm!" > Wave her over to where the two of you are sitting. Actually, you move over a little so she can fit between you.

Fin 3:59 AM

>pat the space between the two of you and  wave nepeta welcome with the bottle in hand. "We saved you a nice spot !"

Nepeta 4:05 AM

> Fuck yeah, shark party! You flop down between them, giving each of them a little smooch on the cheek. "So! What are we celebrating, sharksomes?"

Trace 4:08 AM

"Oh you know. Christmas. Being together and all."

Fin 4:10 AM

"Also my amazing ass of course that's always worth celebrating"

Nepeta 4:39 AM

"Oh, so it's the ass kind of party" > Yeah, totally a kink thing. Definitely.

Trace 4:40 AM

"It's always an ass kind of party. But we got another gift for you first."

Fin 4:45 AM

>sweat sweat sweat "y-yes! a good gift!"

Nepeta 4:51 AM

"Oh? Is it... a dick purrhaps?" > Eyebrow waggle.

Trace 4:52 AM

"Better." > Grin and try not to look too nervously.(edited)

Fin 4:55 AM

>Look at trace like now? or do you want to say something first, come on telepathy WORK "Oh much much better"

Nepeta 5:04 AM

"Two dicks!" > The most sparkly anime eyes. Could it be? Trace dick night?

Trace 5:08 AM

> Crack up. "No. Yes. I mean. But no." > Take her hand. And stare at it nervously. "We were gonna ask. Would you- Do you want to marry us?" > You pull the little box out of your pocket, waiting for Fin to do the same.

Fin 5:11 AM

>when Trace moves to grab her hand you do the same and start shaking, you almost drop your box "We  feel like it's the logic step for us. We both love you to death and we want to be with you forever" >Oh no you are crying AGAIN "Would you take us as the trashiest most sexiest husbands in all Midnight City?"

Trace 5:12 AM

> The two of you show her a pair of matching rings, obviously meant to go together, and obviously meant for her.

December 30, 2018

Nepeta 2:25 AM

> Oh. You did NOT expect that, not at all. They are both already married after all, to each other! And you are a troll...do you even DO marriage? Well, it's not like you were raised on Alternia anyways, but still. Is it legal to marry two people? Does it matter if it's legal to marry two people, when nothing about your lives is anways? > There's a lot of thoughts running through your mind as you cover your mouth with your hands to muffle the shocked gasp. Are you crying? Oh god, you are totally crying. > You honestly never thought anyone would ask you that. Despite your obsession with romance, you never even dreamt of it. And yet... "Y-Yes! Oh my god, yes. Of course... You fuckers. I didn't expect... Fuck. Of course I want to." > You are crying, but you can't stop laughing either. Damn it, you really do love these assholes.

Trace 2:35 AM

> For a terrible second you have to wait out the shock and realization. Waiting for that answer, and then it finally comes.. Aw. Gosh, she's so adorable. You immediately pull her into a hug and kiss her very wet face with a wide toothy grin. "Your fuckers now."

Fin 4:31 AM

>you have been holding your breath for what I felt as an eternity until you hear that sweet yes and you finally let yourself take a deep breath "I swear you won't regret it . I will do my best to make you both so happy"

Nepeta 7:42 AM

> You reply to Trace's kiss with a very wet kiss of your own, but on the lips. That's what you do with your fiancé, right? Not like you really give a damn. "You were already my fuckers. Only difference is that now I'll be officially stuck with you." > Fin gets his very own wet smooch as well. "God damn it. I never thought...Shit. You guys are so gay."

Trace 2:38 AM

> The kiss just slightly catches you off-guard, but you can't say you mind. Not the first of these kisses you shared, and something tells you it won't be the last. "You already knew we are." > You laugh happily and release her to let her hug and kiss Fin too. This gives you the chance to realize your face got a little wet too and wipe away your own happy tears.

[reshuffleadventures]

3/23/22 - Guacamole and Trail Beers

What a CRAZY day!

My alarm went off at 4:45 AM. EARLY, I know. You’re probably thinking, “has anyone ever woken up that early?” And my answer to you is, “yes, I was the first person to have ever woken up so f###ing early in the morning.” It was ungodly early. But it was totally necessary because it meant that I got to spend the night prior with a bunch of my WFR friends and hang out around a campfire until all hours of the night.

So, back to my day - my alarm went off at 4:45 AM. eeww. gross. And, being the responsible and punctual adult that I am, I happy snoozed it. 10 minutes later at 4:55 AM, the alarm went off again, and I got up. I was in the driver’s seat driving my car by 5 AM. My phone battery died, like COMPLETELY died, at about 5:02 AM. If I’d snoozed any longer, the phone would have been dead, and I might have been very late to work. I made it through all of Zion National Park and into Springdale by 6:15 AM. I parked my car at my house, hopped on my bicycle, and rode straight to work. 

I was at work at 6:30 AM to prep for meeting clients at 7 AM. I was scheduled for two half-days as an assistant guide, and Jess was the lead guide for both. Jess and I grabbed gear and our clients showed up early. In the morning, we had a family of four - mom, dad, and two kids. We took them to Lamb’s Knoll and had a blast with them.

I had a quick break for lunch, and I spent that time riding my bicycle to the post office to pick up... wait for it... pillows! Up until that moment, I had not had a pillow. I’d stuffed my pillowcase full of clean t-shirts, and I’d been using that for the past several weeks 😬. But no longer! I’m officially an adult now! I own a bed, AND bedsheets, AND now two pillows!

After lunch, Jess and I had two more clients, Merriam and John. We took them to Lamb’s Knoll also. I felt kind of off my game the second half of the day. A couple things didn’t go as well as they should have, and I felt like I was slowing my crew down. I felt like I didn’t do as good of a job on the second half-day as I did on the first. I was kind of disappointed with my performance. But Merriam and John were great, and they said they appreciated my instruction, and they said they had a great time.

I got off work after 6 PM. And when I got off, I bumped into Aimee, one of the ZAC managers and guides. Aimee invited me to mountain biking with her. So I HAD to say yes! I rode my bicycle home, and Aimee was at my house almost right away. She loaded my bike onto her car while I got the rest of my mtb stuff (helmet, shoes, knee pads, camelbak, etc.) ready. We drove to Guacamole Trails https://goo.gl/maps/HMtMszJx8catDd6BA and did a quick ride. We hardly took any breaks; we just rode fast and tried to get as much riding in before sunset as we could. The ride was SO MUCH FUN! Aimee is a really good rider, and she’s a total animal, so I was just barely able to keep up with her. We took a photo at the “golden hour,” when all the Zion red rock turns almost neon red in the desert sunset light.

We arrived back at the car after sunset, but before last light. Aimee offered me a beer, and I told her about my rule about always accepting trail beers. We cheersed and sipped on our trail beers while watching the beautiful colors of last light when the sky turns orangish reddish pink.

I REALLY wanted to bike with Aimee again since our skill is pretty similar, and I wanted to thank her for taking me biking. So I bought her dinner at the Bit & Spur, one of the restaurants in Springdale.

By the time Aimee dropped me off at my house, it was after 9 PM, and I was so tired. Sophie was home, so she and I chatted while sitting on the couch, catching up about the past several days. The next thing I knew, it was 3 AM! I had just passed out on the couch! I got up from the couch and went to sleep in my bed, complete with new, comfy pillows.

I’m grateful to Merriam and John, my afternoon clients, for showing me patience when I was fumbling over my words and struggling with some instruction. I’m grateful to Aimee for inviting me to go mountain biking with her and for picking me up and showing me the trails! I’m grateful to Sophie for always being willing to hang out and chat with me. I’m grateful that my body and brain are healthy, and that I’m able to work two half-day shifts and still have the energy to go biking afterwards. I’m grateful for trail beers and friends and beautiful sunsets.