#yes i am a gremlin in a dark room

[gothic-lottie]

Sit in the dark and draw with the penguins

@ladyofsappho reminded me drawing on paper occasionally is good for me. Thank you for cheering me up so much.

I'm going back to my tablet and undo button now though.

My poor markers. Back in the box.

(yes, I am aware of the irony of drawing me drawing on my tablet using the traditional art supplies that I neglect because of the tablet)

[deadghosy]

Slytherins boys during 4th of July with their American! Reader

Warning: of course this is modern era‼️😋

Ft. The riddles, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, Lorenzo Berkshire

TOM RIDDLE

Your dark aesthetic of an English boyfriend is staying his ass inside 😭 he’s not coming out!!

He DOESNT fuck with them bugs or those loud fireworks…yes he moved to America for you. As much as he loves you. Hell no.

He’s in the shared room with you as he read a book, listening to crime documentary and podcasts. Or he’s just cuddling with you.

If you ever did drag him out to pop fireworks wit you, he may or may not pop them at his brother if mattheo comes to visit.

“Y/N!! GET YOUR MAN!!” Mattheo says running from Tom who had a evil grin on his face. Chasing after Mattheo with a sparkler.

you just stood there waving your sparkler around giggling.

at least he's having fun!

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Mattheo is popping fireworks like a god damn maniac…please control him…

Literally bought an illegal firework and lit it outside…PLEASE get your unhinged man or else people are gonna call the cops on him.

STOP CAUSE HE’S DEFINITELY THE TYPE TO THROW POPPERS AT THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS 😭😭

A MENCE TO THE STREETS AND YOU!! YOU ARE NOT SAFE!!

Chaotic just like his damn brother with that evil ass grin. He’s literally the king of being an asshole.

But if you don’t like fireworks, don’t worry…he’s got you bbg. He’s a softie for you anyways.

He’s literally probably buying noise canceling headphones so you can relax with him.

He’s a cutie patootie under all that gremlin energy he’s got 

DRACO MALFOY

This sassy ass man…this bbg dude..is probably staying his ass inside. I’m sorry, but he’s probably confused on why “American’s” celebrate such a day even if you educate him about it.

At least you grill him food and still love him.

That’s all it matters

BLAISE ZABINI

He’s already starting bullshit if you don’t like popping fireworks cause of how loud they are.

If you’re asleep, he’s literally like playing loud ass firework sounds or he is outside popping them loud ass works 😭😭

Honestly I do picture American! Reader just grilling while Blaise is getting ready to pop these babies.

But since I headcannon this Slytherin boy to be a romantic, he’s taking you to a firework show. He loves you like that.

Putting the blanket below you guys, cuddling you with that charming smile of his.

It’s just perfect!

Best 4th of July ever.

THEODORE NOTT

Get ready to wake to this man cooking at 4 am so you can eat.

He knows you love to eat you beautiful foodie, so he’s making you some food.

Watches the fireworks from inside and then goes out to pop his own

He’s a romantic as well, so he might just take you out for a firework show

He loves you like that.

And if you don’t like fireworks, don’t worry you two can just enjoy the fireworks inside

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

He’s the type of boyfriend to try and grill for you only to fail and need assistance. 😭😭

Literally though he will try again only to succeed with your help tactics and then he will be so proud!

Pops small fireworks with you. He doesn’t pop big ones as he did look into the holiday to see so much accidents with big fireworks.

“Enz, honey.. it’s okay…” you say holding up a pack of big fireworks. Lorenzo looked nervous as he took the fireworks from your hold. “Sorry love..but what if an explosion hits you?”

Please calm your man down before he packs it up makes you two just watch movies instead of popping fireworks.

End of the night and day, he loves the food a little bit.

[blondephil]

hello (one of the) resident phannie data analyst(s) here with some parasocial stats on dnp’s movie tastes! following: distribution of dan and phil's ratings overall, movies they each rated 5 stars, their lowest-rated movies, and the similarities + differences in their tastes

(lore moment: yes i am a data analyst in my real job. yes i surprised myself with wanting to do this in my spare time. but then i remembered when we read dracula in college (yes i was an english major) and i graphed like, how many times dracula was referred to as vampire versus monster or something. so i shouldn’t be surprised.

first up, their overall rating patterns and by ~special status~ (i.e., wall-e, kill bill, avatar, lmao, plus big hero 6 for the fun of it)

dan’s rated 304 movies and phil’s rated 305. both of them have mean and median ratings of 4 with min 1 and max 5.

both rated kill bill vols. 1 and 2 a 5. wall-e got a 4.5 from dan and a 4 from phil (phake phans). both gave avatar a 3.5. and big hero 6 3.5 (dan) and 4.5 (phil)

rating distribution:

i did analyses here by genre but i need to fix the output (i’m writing all of these based on the markdown document from my phone on the subway, but i need to fix the outputs and i don’t have my computer. so those are pending but there are other genre analyses that i could do & haven’t yet!)

while i was sorting through the data i got the impression that dan overall rated movies higher than phil. so, among movies that they've both rated, here's some information

number of movies dan rated higher than phil: 65

Empire Strikes Back, Blade Runner, Return of the Jedi, My Neighbor Totoro, Back to the Future II, Nightmare Before Christmas, Toy Story, Phantom Mence, Donnie Darko, Attack of the Clones, Finding Nemo, Oldboy, The Notebook, Batman Begins, Brokeback Mountain, WALL-E, (500) Days of Summer, Up, The Hangover, Drive, The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Life of Pi, Skyfall, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Whiplash, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Room, The Hateful Eight, The Force Awakens, Manchester by the Sea, Deadpool, La La Land, Moonlight, Rogue One, Call Me By Your Name, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2., Wonder Woman, Spider-Man: Homecoming, I, Tonya, Thor: Ragnorak, Phantom Thread, Roma, The Favourite, The Lighthouse, Toy Story 4, Midsommar, Ad Astra, Knives Out, Soul, The Green Knight, No Time to Die, Don't Look Up, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Turning Red, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, Thor: Love and Thunder, The Banshees of Inisherin, The Fabelmans, Glass Onion, Beau is Afraid, Barbie, Oppenheimer, Poor Things

number of movies phil rated higher than dan: 55

Star Wars (New Hope), Blair Witch Project, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, Ocean's Eleven, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Moonrise Kingdom, Iron Man 3, Gravity, Prisoners, The Wolf of Wall Street, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Imitation Game, Nightcrawler, John Wick, Gone Girl, Big Hero 6, Jurassic World, The Martian, The Revenant, Nocturnal Animals, Split, Get Out, Baby Driver, The Disaster Artist, Dunkirk, The Shape of Water, The Greatest Showman, The Last Jedi, Ready Player One, Crazy Rich Asians, A Star is Born, Rocketman, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood, Joker, The Rise of Skywalker, The Invisible Man, A Quiet Place Part II, Greenland, Tenet, Malignant, Eternals, The Matrix Resurrections, Scream (2022), Nope, Prey, Talk to Me, Avatar: The Way of the Water, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One

number of movies they rated the same: 99!

Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Se7en, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Spider-Man, Lost in Translation, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Mean Girls, Howl's Moving Castle, Children of Men, The Dark Knight, Pontypool, Inglourious Basterds, Avatar, Toy Story 3, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Black Swan, The Social Network, 21 Jump Street, The Hunger Games, Silver Linings Playbook, The Conjuring, Snowpiercer, Her, Thor: The Dark World, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Boyhood, It Follows, Guardians of the Galaxy, Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance), Interstellar, Ex Machina, The Witch, Avengers: The Age of Ultron, Mad Max: Fury Road, Inside Out, Ant-Man, Captain America: Civil War, Your Name., Arrival, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, mother!, It, Blade Runner 2049, Hereditary, Black Panther, Annihilation, A Quiet Place, Avengers: Infinity War, Captain Marvel, Us, Avengers: Endgame, Parasite, It Chapter Two, Marriage Story, Uncut Gems, 1917, Black Widow, The Suicide Squad, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Dune, Last Night in Soho, The Batman (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once, X, The Northman, Top Gun: Maverick, Bullet Train, Barbarian, Pearl, M3GAN, Dungeons and Dragongs: Honor Among Thieves, Evil Dead Rise, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3., No Hard Feelings, Saltburn, Priscilla, Society of the Snow, Saw X, Leave the World Behind

i didn't analyse this by genre or anything, but i could -- so if you're interested lmk!

the 5 movies with the most different ratings between dan and phil

- Iron Man 2 (dan: 2, phil 3.5)

- The Greatest Showman (d: 2.5, p: 4)

- Malignant (d: 3, p: 4.5)

- Scream (2022) (d: 2.5, p: 4)

- Beau is Afraid (d: 3, p: 1.5)

Interesting that even though dan has more higher rated movies, 4/5 of these ones phil rated higher.

next, their 5-star movies

dan's five stars: 80

Alien, Empire Strikes Back, ET, Blade Runner, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Stand by Me, The Grave of the Fireflies, My Neighbor Totoro, Back to the Future II, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Jurassic Park, Nightmare Before Christmas, Schindler's List, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Toy Story, Fargo, Scream, The Fifth Element, Hercules, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Fight Club, Magnolia, The Emperor's New Groove, Donnie Darko, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Finding Nemo, Kill Bill, Oldboy, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Shaun of the Dead, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, Revenge of the Sith, Brokeback Mountain, No Country for Old Men, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Tree of Life, 21 Jump Street, The Avengers, Life of Pi, Skyfall, Under the Skin, Whiplash, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Sicario, The Hateful Eight, La La Land, Arrival, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, First Man, The Favourite, The Lighthouse, Parasite, Midsommar, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick, Oppenheimer, Poor Things

phil's five stars:

Star Wars (New Hope), Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, 21 Jump Street, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Revenant, Arrival, Dunkirk, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, Parasite, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Shawshank Redemption, Gladiator, Little Miss Sunshine

overlap: 39

Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, 21 Jump Street, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, Parasite, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick

& their lowest rated movies...

dan: matrix resurrections (1) , thor: the dark world (1.5), the rise of skywalker (1.5)

phil: crimes of the future (1), attack of the clones (1.5), thor: the dark world (1.5), don’t look up (1.5), the matrix resurrections (1.5), doctor strange in the multiverse of madness (1.5), beau is afraid (1.5), black bear (1.5)

not even chris hemsworth could save thor the dark world, i guess (kat dennings, though…)

movies they logged on the same date:

note that this is like, non-exhaustive, because this is only based on their diaries that list the date. i think in reality they've watched most of these movies together. frequently dan logged a couple days after phil which aren’t shown here. procrastination queen

Pontypool, Eternals, The Northman, Nope, Barbarian, The Banshees of Inisherin, Glass Onion, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Beau is Afraid, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3., Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One, Saltburn, Poor Things, Priscilla, Saw X, Leave the World Behind

movies that one logged and not the other:

dan but not phil: 85

The Exorcist, Stand by Me, The Grave of the Fireflies, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Home Alone 2, Schindler's List, Fargo, Romeo & Juliet, Hercules, Men in Black, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Mummy, The 13th Warrior, Fight Club, The Emperor's New Groove, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Legally Blonde, Monsters, Inc, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Scooby-Doo, 28 Days Later, Matrix Reloaded, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, School of Rock, Matrix Revolutions, Saw, Shaun of the Dead, Shrek 2, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Revenge of the Sith, The Devil Wears Prada, Borat, Casino Royale, No Country for Old Men, Death Proof, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, There Will Be Blood, Tropic Thunder, Slumdog Millionaire, Moon, District 9, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The King's Speech, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Tree of Life, X-Men: First Class, Prometheus, Argo, Les Miserables, Django Unchained, World War Z, Pacific Rim, Under the Skin, 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, The Babadook, The Lego Movie, x-Men: Days of Future Past, 22 Jump Street, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, The Theory of Everything, Green Room, Sicario, Spotlight, The Big Short, 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Conjuring 2, Train to Busan, Hacksaw Ridge, Doctor Strange, Hidden Figures, Logan, You Were Never Really Here, Game Night, Isle of Dogs, First Man, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Suspiria, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Glass, Hustlers, Pig, Violent Night

phil but not dan: 86

Jaws, The Terminator, Beetlejuice, Die Hard, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Groundhog Day, The Shawshank Redemption, Leon: The Professional, The Usual Suspects, The Frighteners, The Sixth Sense, Being John Malkovich, American Beauty, The Green Mile, Gladiator, Catch Me if You Can, Elf, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Little Miss Sunshine, Pan's Labyrinth, The Prestige, Zodiac, Spider-Man 3, Iron Man, Juno, Lake Mungo, Twilight, Zombieland, Kick-Ass, Brave, Evil Dead, The Great Gatsby, Now You See Me, Monsters University, Man of Steel, About Time, Dallas Buyers Club, Edge of Tomorrow, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The Boy, Raw, Finding Dory, Suicide Squad, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, John Wick: Chapter 2, Lady Bird, The Ritual, Happy Death Day, Deadpool 2, Ocean's 8, Ant-Man and The Wasp, Bird Box, Booksmart, Crawl, Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Platform, Black Bear, Palm Springs, The Empty Man, The Innocents, Titane, Old, Free Guy, The Black Phone, Fresh, Watcher, Bodies Bodies Bodies, Ambulance, Aftersun, Crimes of the Future, Fall, Bones and All, The Menu, Sanctuary, Do Revenge, Smile, Hellraiser (2022), Mr. Harrigan's Phone, Plane, Missing, Infinity Pool, Past Lives, Knock at the Cabin, Scream VI

i’m interested to see how this varies by genre!

miscellaneous non-statistical things that made me parasocially emotional and/or laugh during this process:

they watched nope together on christmas eve 2022 <3

dan rated moulin rouge a 5 <3 nature boy <3

he also rated shrek a 5. of course. (valid).

4.5 from dan and 4 from phil from the notebook

5 from danny for brokeback mountain <3 and a 4.5 from philly

cmbyn, yes, has its issues, but dan rated 4.5 and phil 4

the shape of water got a 4.5 from monsterfucker phil lester (dan gave it a 4)

surprisingly phil rated rocketman higher than dan! surprising because dan liked so many musicals

dan gave hustlers a 3.5. i don't know why i think this is funny, but i do. phil doesn't have it logged or rated, lmao.

a 4 (d) and a 3.5 (p) for barbie!

phil gave twilight a 3. lol.

phil also gave do revenge only a 3.5. tragique.

phil watched a LOT of horror alone in october 2022 (aka while dan was on tour). anyway he's just like me <3

[lovebugism]

Halloween is not really a big thing in my country so our october is as lame as every other month 😭

What do you think about sunshine/ditzy!reader planning her all on pink Halloween costume and eddie trying to convince her to go as something from one of his fav horror movies, or something silly like as a gremlin.

I love everything you write so I'll be happy with anything really

ily <333

ty angel! hope you like it! — eddie and his ditzy gf have trouble deciding on matching costumes (established relationship, fluff, ditzy!reader, can be read as a modern!au, 0.8k)

fictober (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

“You don’t like my costume?” you wonder, all pouty in your pretty pink leotard and biker short duo. 

You’ve mastered the Barbie look — at least from what Eddie can remember. You’re only missing the neon rollerblades and matching yellow kneepads. You’re the prettiest, most vibrantly colored ball of sunshine he’s ever seen in his life.

“I love your costume, babe, don’t get me wrong…” Eddie assures as he rises from the couch, flashing you a rosy grin as he shakes his head. “But I am not wearing tights.”

Your pout deepens at his refusal to match with you. He was the Ken to your Barbie, after all — even if he wears so much black he basically absorbs all the light in any given room. “But why?” you ask in an unabashed whine.

“‘Cause if I knew I’d be wearing biker shorts for Halloween, I would’ve started doing squats three months ago.”

“But you’d make such a nice Ken!”

Eddie’s chocolate eyes narrow. “Do I look like Ken to you?”

“Well… No,” you answer, faltering only slightly when your gaze darts across the pale features of your wild-haired, metalhead boyfriend. “But it’s not like I look like Elvira!”

Eddie’s face twists like he’s tasted something sour, he’s that offended by your words.

His matching costume idea was the total opposite of your bright pink and sporty one. He wanted you to be a beautiful, shadowy thing hanging on his side in all black — the Mistress of the Dark to his Prince of Darkness. He still gets a little giddy thinking about it.

“Are you serious?” Eddie scoffs, playfully insulted and loud with it. His voice booms across the trailer as he takes you in his arms, curling his calloused fingers around your elbows. “You’re a total smoke show, babe— you’re killer. That’s, like, the only prerequisite.”

You roll your eyes at his compliment, though it has you blushing something fierce. 

Self-loathing was always hard with Eddie around ‘cause he thinks you’re the prettiest thing that’s ever walked the Earth. You’re not quite as certain as he is about it, but he says it with so much confidence that it’s hard to disagree.

“I do have a great set of boobs…” you lilt quietly, eyes flitted to the ceiling as you imagine yourself as the bombshell from Eddie’s favorite movie.

Your quoting of the film, along with your subtle reconsideration, has him grinning. “Yes, you do,” he affirms with a rapid and boyish nod. 

His gaze falls to your breasts, squeezed tight by the spandex fabric clinging to you like it was made to do it. His face heats with embarrassment when he notices he’s all but ogling at you. Then he realizes he doesn’t have to be embarrassed because you’re his girlfriend. It’s his job to ogle at you. It’s fucking metal.

“And an incredible pair of legs…”

“Exactly.”

“…But I still wanna be Barbie.”

Eddie’s grin never wavers. “Figured.”

“But you don’t have to be Ken if you don’t want!” you affirm quickly, eyes as wide as your glittering smile. “You can still be that weird, freaky singer guy that bit the head off that bat that one time.”

“Ozzy Osbourne,” he corrects.

“Yeah! We can just compromise. Easy peasy.”

Eddie deflates with a dramatic huff. His features twist in a puppy-like pout as he pulls you closer to him. “But you know I hate not getting my way,” he whines, mostly playful.

“I know,” you hum with a sympathetic smile. You gravitate towards him without thinking twice, arms wrapping around his shoulders as you press your chest to his. “But it makes sense, right? I’ve always been like Barbie, and you always liked me anyway… Right?”

He hates that you’re even asking — like he hasn’t been head over heels for you and stumbling all over himself since the day he met you. “I mean, obviously.”

“And you’ve always been a freak! And I’m, like, fucking obsessed with you—” you ramble, as bright as sunshine, until you realize the weight of your words. You grow abruptly serious. “No offense.”

He keeps on beaming like a lovesick idiot. “None taken.”

“And Halloween’s a cool way to represent that, right? Like, yeah, we’re different and we’re hot. Screw couples’ costumes!”

Eddie grows so suddenly fond. His chest warms and sparkles with it, like his dark eyes that melt for you. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

“I know,” you shrug, still smiling. “I usually am.”

He grins wide before pressing a kiss to your smart mouth. It’s an innocuous peck — a meshing of plush lips and a lingering there. A quiet smack fills the tiny trailer when he parts from you just to pout, “You know I’m gonna have to walk behind you all night to keep people from staring at you, right?”

You giggle when his warm, calloused palms smooth over the outsides of your hips. “You do that anyway, Eds.”

“Well, yeah,” he responds, shrugging like it’s obvious. “‘Cause the view’s so nice.”

[openminded-freak]

Wally Darling x Feral!Reader

I haven't seen too many fics on the reader being an absolute little shit and I think it's a hilarious thought, so here we go

TW: Swear words are used, rape is mentioned briefly (just one word)

🔥 You used to be known as the gremlin child in your friend group. Slept all day, stayed up all night, blasted whatever music matched your vibe, and was known for being a downright degenerate

🔥 You'd often end up in the deep, dark corners of the web after your hours of surfing the internet, and, eventually, you stumbled across a blog about an estranged children's show called Welcome Home!

🔥 You thought it was cute, but grew especially fascinated with the show's main character, Wally Darling

🔥 He grew fascinated with you too. A lot

🔥 So he nabbed your ass and took you Home

🔥 When you woke up on his living room floor, you didn't freak out like you thought he would. In fact, you were eerily calm. You sat up and looked at him with a blank expression on your face that he couldn't possibly hope to match

🔥 "If you don't tell me where I am in the next three seconds, I'm running out the door and screaming rape." Wally didn't know what that was, but he knew his friends would be concerned if a stranger ran out of his house screaming anything, so he explained the situation

🔥 You just nodded along as he spoke until he was done. "So, like, I'm stuck here? With no hope of getting out?"

🔥 "Yes, but it's okay, Neighbor.. Your dear friend, Wally will help you settle in..." He cocked his head and smiled.

🔥 "... Yeah, no, fuck that mess. I'm gonna find someone that actually has an ounce of sanity." You tried to walk out but Home wouldn't let open the front door.

🔥 "Open the door before I break a window and get out that way." Home opened the door.

🔥 You met the neighbors and despite the fact that they probably deserved to know that Wally was actually fucking crazy, you wanted to preserve their innocence, so you just acted like you just moved in.

🔥 There was actually a new house on the block, completely suited to your personality, so it wasn't a lie.

🔥 You settled in quickly and made friends with your neighbors (except for Wally), often doing activities with them and hanging out.

🔥 Meanwhile, Wally was distraught! This wasn't going how he wanted at all! Every time he tries to talk to you and explain himself, or apologize, you act like he's a fly @:(

🔥 "Shoo, shoo fly. Bye bye, now." "But.." "Go away 👹."

🔥 You found a boom box in your house and used that to annoy the shit out of him as payback. You tried different genres of music so find which he disliked the most, and then stood outside Home and blasted it at night.

🔥 Turns out, he strongly dislikes rap. He finds most of it distasteful. So, of course, that's what you always play. Your favorite was Short Dick Man by Gillette, you thought it suited him so well 😍🥰

🔥 Yeah, no, he fucking hated that song. He didn't quite understand the lyrics but he could take a guess that you were poking fun at him. He'd poke his head out the window with an uncharacteristic frown. "Would you please.. turn that off.. I can't sleep."

🔥 "Bruh, we both know you literally can't sleep, bffr." You'd turn it up louder.

🔥 Julie would sometimes join in on the fun too. She thought it was such a fun game! You'd just snicker and pass her the boom box.

🔥 Wally decided he'd had enough and marched up to you. "Neighbor, I'm very tired of your games.. You've been acting very unneighborly..."

🔥 "Ok boomer lol"

🔥 At this point, even if he did find a way to send you home, you'd refuse. It's become your life goal to harass him until the day you die. And you don't think you can die in this world, so you get to haunt him forever, isn't that fun? ❤️

[bonniebird]

Daemon Targaryen x Fem!Targaryen!Reader x Rhaenyra Targaryen

Requested by Anon

Make a request

Request: Anonymous asked: "If only every family could be as respectable as ours." daemon and rhenyra with a targ reader (Fem) they have to cover up a murder together.

Read on Wattpad

Read on AO3

Warnings: mentions of blood, death, murder

You stared at the lump of a human at the bottom of the staircase. You hadn't meant to push so hard. All you wanted was to be left alone. The sound of approaching footsteps made you panic but before you could leave a figure was looking down at the stairwell.

“I can explain.” You said quietly. Daemon looked up and raised his eyebrows as Rhaenyra joined him.

“He’s fucking dead! It had to be one of Otto’s favourites. His father has been in meetings with him all day.” She said, though she sounded more upset about having her evening ruined than at discovering a murder, accidental or not. You came down towards them but spotted a puddle of blood on one of the steps and stopped before it could get on your clothes.

“I had a good reason!” You complained. They both looked at you and you sighed. “Well not a good one.”

“Go on then.” She said quickly.

“He grabbed me. I pushed him away! He just fell a little further than I meant to.” You explained. Rhaenyra sighed while Daemon chuckled until she nudged him. “It is not as if his family is very respectable.” You said as Rhanyra gathered her skirts so she could step over the body and climb the stairs without stepping into the blood now dripping down the steps. 

“If only every family could be as respectable as ours.” Rhaenyra muttered. She turned and looked back at Daemon. “You can deal with this while I take (Y/N) to get cleaned up and find some way to explain that they were not together when he’s found?” 

“Of course.” Daemon said as if he was offended at the idea that he wouldn’t be able to cover up a murder.

“Come.” She said and pulled you by the arm towards your chambers. She took you through hidden corridors and dark halls until the two of you were able to find your way to your chambers. She had you undress, burned your clothes and fetched a new one. She scuffed your shoes on the fire hearth to get rid of several blood splatters and muttered that you would have to make an effort to drag your feet in front of others to explain away the ruining of your new shoes. A suitable cloak was found and tossed about your shoulders and you were dragged back out of your rooms. The two of you managed to sneak through the keep without being seen and quickly took up thoughtful positions before Balerion’s skull, lighting candles and talking quietly to each other. Suddenly there was a cry of alarm. Several guards passed by and one stopped to talk to the two of you.

“You must come with me. Quickly.” He said nervously. His hand clutched the hilt of his undrawn sword. Rhaenyra rose to her feet and followed while you hesitantly stood.

“W-what is the matter?” You asked. He paled a little and let out a shaky breath.

“There is an assassin in the keep.” He answered slowly. Rhaenyra gasped dramatically and clutched your arm, pulling you after the guard. Each time you went to ask more she would pinch your inner arm. “Prince Daemon!” 

Daemon approached the guard who bowed and eyed him nervously. Daemon gave him a smug look and turned his attention to Rhaenyra. “I am instructed to escort you two to safety.” He said quickly. The guard bowed and hurried off, leaving the two of you with Daemon who led the way to set of rooms that were heavily guarded. You could hear shouting and arguing down the hall.

“Is it all…?” You started to say. 

“Yes.” Daemon said quickly. He was watching the guards for any sign of suspicion while Rhaenyra focused on looking appropriately worried. You tried not to think about what Daemon had done to make it seem as if an assassin was within the keep and stayed quiet as you waited for the all clear decision. 

Tag list Daemon:

@the-caravello-post @killing-gremlin @aegonandaemondtargaryenslut18 @lchufflepuffcorn @lightqueen16@savagemickey03 @evattude @kaitieskidmore1

Tag list rhaenyra:

@the-caravello-post @killing-gremlin @aegonandaemondtargaryenslut18 @lchufflepuffcorn @geekyandgay98 @savagemickey03 @evattude @kaitieskidmore1 @sabrinasstar

[lottachaos]

MY BLORBOS (MY MAIN THING YEEHAW)

I have made picrews of my Blorbos I would post art but my sketchbook is in a different room and I am lazy

Veryn, the main one, who is also my persona:

Matthew who is Veryn’s boyfwend:

Hes really tan but I can’t always make him seem that way

anyways gonna rant now

veryn is a gremlin who is a lot like me in real life but more my my ideal version of myself. He is high energy and chaotic and loud but he can be serious when he needs to be. He has chronic RBF (Resting Bedroomeyes Face)

Matthew is chill and quiet and worries and lot and does this cute little worries gentle smile that veryn freaking falls for. He seems like he doesn’t do any chaos crap but then he goes and does some wild thing and you realize why veryn fell in love with him. He is covered in scars bc of various stuff he accidentally got involved with.

veryn lives half in the woods and half in an appartement. He has wings. Sometimes he has horns and these dark on his face and shoulders but that only appears when he’s in very stressful situations.

Matthew lives in an appartement with his sister who is named Katie and has a job or goes to college, I haven’t decided which yet

they are both in their young twenties, no more that 24.

Matthew somehow gets some sort of forestry Wiley thing like veryn has but idk how. All I know is that he gets this long whipping tail with a tuft at the end which is the thing in the back of one of the picrews of him.

Matthew is covered in scars bc veryn is in the middle of this big situation where he’s fighting against these magical eldritch entities and Matthew at one point finds him in the woods fighting them and tries to help and then gets beaten up and bitten by magical snakes and almost dies. That is where most of his scars come from (he has a scar that looks like a dinsosaur on his left side just beneath his rib cage. It’s called the dinoscar) but some various other events give him lil other scars

Veryn is much better at defending himself because he has been having to fight for much longer and so does t have as many obvious scars. He does have on long one on his neck because enemies tries to slice it at one point but he lived.

Matthew usually wears a black turtleneck and this tan cardigan looking jacket. Some of the picrews I used didn’t have that option so I had to make due.

Veryn usually wears a bright green shirt about the color of the “Draft saved!” Pop up that happens in tumblr when you take ages to write a post. Then he wears a brown jacket on top and black or brown pants and some brown boots. He basically dresses kinda like a redneck but when you see the clothes on him you cannot see anything but skinny gay forest being.

Oh yeah Veryn’s wings look like the brown variant of a tawny Eagle. Basically. Except a little more brown and a little less white and dots/stripes.

I stayed up till one am last night writing a (rather spicy) fic for them. I will share SOME of it here in a different post. I will also show some art of these two in a different post. Stay tuned, anyone who’s interested!! Eventually I will probably make some sort of book or smth about these two. Yes Ik I use tropes and it’s not super realistic in a lot of ways but I understand that and I don’t really care because I’m just making the story to be however its best to me and cringe culture is dead .

CRINGE IS TEMPORARY BLORBO IS FOREVER!!

Anyways, there you have it. I’ll post more later. I’m so excited I’ve finally put info about them all in one place bc I rlly needed to do that. k bye

[crystalcatgamer]

The name's Warden, don't wear it out. Writing commissions are open, shoot me a DM.

POV old hyperfixation that consumed you VS current hyperfixation consuming you: FIGHT

It’s all One Piece? (Always has been)

Uta-chan is the most beautiful diva in the world, thank you for your time!

If you don’t like Monkey D Dragon, then you won’t like it here.

Luffy’s my favourite little guy, and by extension I am also extremely normal about ASL. Toxic doomed Donquixote brothers are also where it's at. The Red Hair Pirates, The Roger Pirates, the Revolutionary Army and SWORD are my favourite groups. I looked at cool mysterious characters that show up for like a dozen chapters and asked, 'is anyone going to love them?' and didn't wait for an answer. I talk about them a bunch. Expect most things in my OP tag to be about these guys

I don’t talk about ships often. Reblog heavy, you’ve been warned

Will also occasionally talk about One Piece merch, particularly the trading card game and kujis (gachas). [#one piece tcg & #one piece kuji]

Sonic (Save me)

Yes I like gay hedgehogs and Tails is the gremlin light of my life but

It's about how Maria is the Earth's soul and Sonic is the sun and Shadow is the moon and they are also all three things at once. They are incarnations of the universe's love, your honor.

Sonic... Perhaps the beauty of it is that in everything you do, you are a fleeting experience, right down to your time.

Shadow, who was made to be something great, who saved the world- who did it because of a sickly girl. In a field of flowers stained red, he lives to clean them for her.

Maria, gentle, kind, so full of love for the Earth; humans want the sky because they cannot fly, and you, who was born amongst the stars, wants nothing more than to breathe fresh air on your beautiful blue planet.

Shadow is artificial divinity and his life is infinite and he, who fears for Sonic more than Sonic fears for himself, is just as irresistibly pulled into a blue orbit as everyone else Sonic has met. Shadow, who is cursed to love things that resemble the Earth.

Personal tags (Don’t reblog them please :D)

#summer nights in your lungs - ONE PIECE TAG WE WIN THESE 🏴‍☠️

#incarnation of the earth's love - Yahahaha Sonic tag.

#I still see your shadows in my room - DSMP/MCYT tag. Mostly talking about the character versions; c! vs cc! differentiated w #dsmp and #mcyt respectively. Remember: my views on the characters do not reflecty views on the content creators. Sorry for the DSMP posting, it will happen again.

#tonight we dream of stickmen - Hi. Alan Becker fan here. Absolutely insane about animator VS animation. Hollowheads are my darlings.

#I know we’ll end up on the same one way road - Octopath Traveler I & II tag

#my family gets their own tag - Online family tag

└> #Diamond dad dude - IRL Dad tag

#I am ink on a page (A story in the making) - Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint tag 📚

#these parallel shadows - JJK tag :3

#To you‚ who was (is) dearly loved - Genshin tag!

#and baby I know I know we could be in another city and I’d still pick you up from a line of like thirty hot guys - Star Wars tag

#cause my world’s dark except for you  - Batfam tag

#got a game for me - Ask games, bingo cards, tag trains… All that!

Non-personal tags for (fandom) organization purposes (okay to reblog)

#stormlight brainrot - Stormlight Archives tag

#agony is the new feeling great - PJO/TOA tag 

#and misc - All other miscellaneous fandoms!

I tag (most of) my writing/fics under the #my writing or #my fic writing tag as well 📝

[betterthanyalls]

Characters: GN Y/n, Stelle(HSR)

Prompt: Mail Order Bride/Arranged Marriage

Requested: Kinda(it was for a deal)

I gave Y/n some design choices, deal with it pls

Title:Is Love Bought?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There she stood, in all her sassy glory. Her yellow orbs glisten in the sunlight like cat urine or the moon's glow. A few days prior, y/n decided they were done with being a lonely, sad, and miserable fortnite player and discord mod. They went onto the dark web and searched “Order A Bride.com”. Y/n clicked the first one they saw, someone named Stelle. She was beautiful, and y/n couldn’t care less about her personality. Back to the present, y/n stood frozen. It was love at first sight. They couldn’t take their eyes off of Stelle’s orbs.

Y/n cleared their throat. “Ahem, you are my wife?”

Stelle suddenly became very nervous “y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes I-I-I-I a-a-a-a-a-a-am……..”

“No need to be worried, Kitten. I will take great care of you.” Y/n laughed darkly. “One rule, don’t make me angry. When I get angry, I see red! You don’t want to see my dark side.” Y/n growled like the alpha werewolf they are.

Stelle flinched in fear. Y/n let Stelle into their house. “You sleep here.” Y/n said as they pointed to a dog cage. “W-what?! B-B-But I’m your w-wife! Don’t I s-sleep with y-you?!” Stelle exclaimed in fear.

“Ugh fine. If you’re going to be a jerk about it.” Y/n groaned. They led Stelle to their room. As soon as Stelle stepped into the room, she passed out. The epic gamer discord mod smell flooded the room and knocked her out. Y/n shrugged and went to their computer to start playing fortnite. Then Y/n remembered something. “Oh my giddily goodness! I am no longer single he he he ha! I am no longer cringe!” Y/n cheered as they spun in their Valorant chair.

Then Stelle woke up. “W-what happened?” She asked worriedly. “Nothing Kitten, you are just weak. Now let’s go watch anime together grrrr.” Y/n growled as they dragged Stelle to the living room couch. Y/n decided to put on My Hero Academia. “I just love Tor-door-oh-key! He is so ka-why-ee! Gosh, look at me sharing all this with you. I’m such a baka!”

Stelle sat there confused and terrified. Then suddenly, she was transported to another dimension. “H-hello?” She called out into the darkness of the void she fell into. Then she saw Y/n. With their 3 foot tall frame and golden hair. (if ur bald, use this line: With their 3 foot tall frame and glistening smooth baldness)

Y/n’s blue ocean skyline galaxy rainbow water rainy icy snowy blue orbs shone in the emptiness. “Y-Y/n?” Stelle called out.

“Hello Kitten.” Y/n spoke, their voice booming with power and dominance. “You have not been good.”

“W-What?! I have been amazing!” Stelle yelled.

“You didn’t follow the one rule.” Y/n screamed in anger. “This is my dark side GRRRRR!!!”

“AAAHHHHHH” Stelle screamed as Y/n bit Stelle’s neck. Stelle felt her teeth fall out and be replaced. She had fangs?!

“W-what happened?!” Stelle asked quickly.

“I am no human. I am an alpha werewolf demon angel vampire royal fairy gremlin Shrek Lorax Onceler O’Hare Air Blue Smurf Cat.” Y/n recited perfectly.

“WHAT IN THE FLIPPITY FLOP IS THAT?!” Stelle yelled.

“GRRRRRRR” Y/n punched Stelle in the gut, causing her to shatter the fourth wall. Stelle looked at you, the reader.

“Nah bro help me out. This story has gone on long enough. It is too crazy. Tell the author to fix their brain.” Stelle was shut up by yours truly. Because Stelle can't keep her noisy little mouth shut. Haha she is such a goofy goober lol. Now where were we? Oh yeah, my b I forgor.

Stelle was thrown into a wall that appeared out of nowhere. Then suddenly, she woke up. She was on the couch with Y/n. She looked around, it seemed like her and Y/n fell asleep while watching My Hero Academia. Stelle looked down to see she peed on the couch like the stupid wife she is.

THE END.

[slutforsfender]

𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 - 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐀𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚

November 11th. I had completely blocked out the date until Phoebe, bless her soul, sent me a message checking on me. I never knew quite what to do on this date. Is it okay to be mad? Is it okay to cry? Is it okay to miss him? Is it okay that twelve years later the only thing that would heal today is him?

I laid in my double bed, scanning my bedroom as if it had answers. It didn't. Instead my brain decided that drifting down memory lane was the answer. I replayed memories of him and everything over until eventually I sunk into a flashback. No surprise there.

I sat down in my new favourite lesson as he asked if I was okay, also taking his seat. We couldn't stop talking like usual but something felt different. It felt off. The look in his eye that I had memorised wasn't there. It left a pit in my stomach. 

We were mid conversation as one of our mutual friends turned around, smirk on his face. 

"Are you two breaking up?" He asked. 

"No." Sam answered so quickly. 

"Well your friends have been saying things about us breaking up so are you sure?" I questioned Sam.

"Yes. I am not breaking up with you"

I gave him a questioning look. 

"I'm not I promise"

"Are you sure?" I asked, slightly joking but also trying to soothe the freaking out in my stomach. 

"I'll talk to you after lesson" Sam said, making direct eye contact with me. 

That look still wasn't there. 

"Sam if you are breaking up with me, tell me now" I say, feeling my heart slowly break. 

"Yes" He said, his face red. 

Suddenly my body crashed. The final crack in my heart made it's mark. 

"It's not you. I think you are great. I just don't know whether we work together. I don't see us having a future." Sam explains himself as I just nod. 

He lied all along.

My world was gone. I kept the tears in, focused on the table. In one moment, my whole world, heart and life was crashed. 

 As I replayed the moment, I felt the familiar tingling in my body. My heart started pounding. My breathing soon followed. My body felt alive but it was horrible. Tears pricked my eyes. Then before I knew it, I was in a full blown heart attack. 

My hands started shaking, my phone now impossible to be able to get to calm down. My vision went blurry causing them to full shut as I put my head on my knees. I was stuck with my own devices to calm me down. 

In for 4. 

Hold for 7. 

Out for 8. 

I repeated over and over, letting out shaky breaths after shaking breaths. It wasn't working. I was getting worse, now a pain in my chest.

Count from 1 to 5. 

Breathe. 

After a few sobs and shaking breaths, I felt the come down wave over me. I was back to reality. My mind and body felt drained as I threw a t-shirt over my body. Treading downstairs for sugar, knowing it's best after a panic attack like that.

I sat on our kitchen counter, eating one of those little chocolate cadbury bars. 

"Russell, we've got a gremlin in here" My granny joked as she walked into the kitchen. 

"Never let that joke go, do you Gran?" I roll my eyes. 

"Call me Gran again missus and I will hit ya" She threatened, raising the back of her hand for affect. 

I just smiled in reply, too weak at the minute. My granny took the hint that I wasn't okay and decided that playing our playlist through the Alexa would cheer me up. 

"You need to start to wear your glasses child" She commented as I scrunched my eyes. 

"Aye, I know. Don't worry" I start to say before my breath is cut short as the familiar intro played.

Dancing In The Dark.

"Alexa skip" I shouted in the room, not even having to think twice. 

Gran brushed it off, going to make a tea as I played the video in my head that I watched last night of Sam singing it. 

That one lyric cutting a line in my heart.

'You can't start a fire, sitting around crying over a broken heart'

I ran upstairs, grabbing my phone off my bedside. I clicked on the his account again, rereading that message. 

I typed and I typed just like I had done since I first saw it. A part of me hoped, the words would just appear in front of me. A part of me hoped I could call him right and pretend nothing ever happened. That he would soothe me, just like he used to.

Instead I decided spending my day by my guitar with a record playing and cigarettes in my hand was the better option. Except I had no inspiration so wasting the day away watching crap TV and pretending that right now did not exist was the option I was going with. 

I decided a late night walk would be nice since I have hardly left the house since being back home. Of course, I asked Phoebe if she wanted to join. 

Arabella: hey! feeling like exploring the places we wasted our teens, wanna join? love ya dickhead x

Phoebe: I can't tonight belle, another night? love ya too x 

I brushed it off before that panic sinked into my stomach and sent a quick reply before chucking on some clothes and shoes. I grabbed my headphones and cigarettes before going on my way.

As soon as I started walking, memories played over and I felt like that girl again. There was that feeling again that I'm not the same girl, no matter how much my accent or appearance hasn't changed.

Memories with my mum. Memories with Levi. Memories with my grandparents. Memories with Phoebe. Memories with him.

This place is like a chapter of a book. That chapter you read but don't think about even though a part of your subconscious does because it hits a little different.

The shops and pubs that essence that I missed. That Newcastle essence that will never be achieved in London. The people are so different. Here everyone knows everyone. There you are a stranger to everyone. 

I wandered down my favourite street of the whole place, even if it is his album cover now. I stopped and took it all in. The drunk and sometimes high memories. The laughter. The love. 

I want to let him go and all that pain I carry from my teens but then I look down places like this and I don't. I want to do the opposite, I want to love him all over again. 

I walked further down and noticed a figure in the darkness but ignored it, probably just someone having a late night smoke. I was correct, but not so much on the stranger aspect. 

It was him and we made that eye contact. The one I cherished and now avoid. 

"Want one?" He asked so casually, pointing the cigarette pack at my direction.

----

hey guys! bit of a random update but things are coming. one more week of gcses then i promise updates after updates. so excited to start off this plot x

[morningsound15]

Hi! Really love your works! Do you plan any new fuffy fics?

Hi! Yes, always, I have about 8,000 words of a Fuffy pregnancy/kid!fic AU written that I may or may not complete before Christmas time, I have been extremely bad about fic writing recently.

but here's a little snippet/sneak peak if you'd like one

it's tentatively called Prophecy, Baby and rated either M or E I will decide after i've written the sexy stuff lol

.

Buffy shows up on Faith’s doorstep in Cleveland, five years after Sunny-D went crater-up, looking ragged and all-in-all worse for the wear. Faith’s eyes linger on the swelling beneath her t-shirt, and she blinks a few times, not knowing what to say. They haven’t seen each other in half a year, but Buffy’s got that look in her eye, the one that always seems to spell trouble for Faith and her bleeding heart.

“Hey,” Buffy finally says, her throat raspy, dark bruises under her eyes from exhaustion. “Got room for a couple of fugitives?”

Faith blinks, and can’t think of a single thing to say. Wordlessly she steps to the side, and opens her door, feeling a bit like she’s just hung a “Vamps, Demons, and All Manner of World-Ending Baddies Welcome!” sign above the knocker.

They don’t speak for several weird, stressful minutes, wherein Faith, on autopilot, goes about her hosting duties: she takes Buffy’s coat, leads her to the couch, and gets her a glass of water. Only then, once properly settled, does she think to speak.

“What the hell are you doing here, B?”

“Warm welcome,” Buffy says between hefty sips, rolling her eyes.

“I think I can stand to be a little testy. Wasn’t expectin’ company tonight.”

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting a hot date with you and your bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos?”

Faith spies the opened bag where she’d knocked it off the couch in her haste to get to the insistent knocking on her front door. She kicks it out of sight, embarrassed and huffy. “If you don’t wanna start explainin’, you know where the door is.”

Buffy looks like she might be in the mood to quip a bit longer, except something in her stomach must twitch (kick? Is the little gremlin at the kicking stage already?) and she winces. The fight leaves her at once, and she takes a breath and grits out, whether because of the pain in her abdomen or the pain of admitting it: “I needed a friend.”

Faith chokes down her knee jerk response, Are we friends?, and instead says, “Last I checked, you had lotsa friends. A whole castle full of them, actually.”

“I needed a friend who wasn’t going to send me back to the Organization. Someone I could… keep a low profile with. At least for a little while.” She glances down at her expansive stomach. “About three and a half months, actually.”

Faith nods. It makes sense, in a perverse sort of way. “So you came here. Last place on earth anyone would look for ya.” Buffy’s face performs an intricate dance disguised as a wince. She opens her mouth, maybe to apologize, but Faith waves her off. “No sweat. I get it. It was smart. And you know me, always looking to help a couple of good-for-nothings hide out from the law. Or the witches, or whatever it is you guys have got going on over there.”

“To be honest, I didn’t really think this through. I just knew I couldn’t stay there. And I hoped you wouldn’t turn me away.”

That’s something Buffy can always count on. It’s the part of Faith’s personality that she hates the most about herself. Her inability to turn Buffy away, even when she knows it’s no good for her to invite her in.

“They know?” Faith looks pointedly at Buffy’s rather large belly. “About… Buffy Junior in there?”

“They know,” Buffy says with a grimace. Faith is still staring. She can’t take her eyes off of Buffy. The swell of her belly, the heavy way she sits even now. Faith’s trying, as carefully and subtly as possible, to think through the timeline. It doesn’t do her much good, she basically doesn’t know anything about Buffy and what she gets up to outside of the two days they see each other every six months. They both prefer it that way. They get along like a forest fire — all burning destruction, crackling heat, explosive violence, etcetera etcetera. It’s easier to keep them apart, to minimize the damage.

Faith doesn’t have a very good knowledge of the reproductive cycle. She never finished high school, what with being a wanted fugitive and the whole coma and all, but if she had to guess she’d say Buffy’s probably somewhere in the second trimester. Five, six months along, maybe? Which would put the date of conception right around… right around…

Faith blinks, her eyes flicking up to Buffy’s face.

Buffy doesn’t seem to be paying her any attention. She groans as she stretches her feet out, her muddy boots making a mess of Faith’s coffee table. Faith doesn’t care about the mud or the boots. Buffy kicks her shoes off slowly, tries to bend to rub at her swollen ankles, grimaces when she can’t reach before flopping heavily down onto the couch again. After a few moments she notices Faith hovering, frozen in place, and she must clock the panic in Faith’s expression.

“It’s not yours,” Buffy says, not unkindly. Faith flushes, because she feels stupid for even thinking… of course the kid isn’t hers. That isn’t even possible. She doesn’t know much about the reproductive cycle, but she knows enough to know that their combination of downstairs equipment can’t, strictly speaking, do something like that. But she couldn’t help the initial thought. Unfortunately the thought of Buffy bouncing from her bed one night to some nameless, faceless, hunk of masculine musculature the next stings more than she’d like to admit. She can’t pause on that thought, or else she’s liable to put her fist through the wall. Or walk right off her balcony. Whichever one seems like it’ll cause more pain.

 “I see you trying to do the math over there,” Buffy says, ignorant of the thousand-yard-leaps Faith’s mind has been making three feet to her left, “but it’s not yours.”

“Yeah,” Faith scoffs, and it rings hollow even to her. “Of course not. I’m not, like… I know how it works. Not like I coulda gotten you pregnant even if I wanted—I mean…” She clears her throat, her cheeks flaming hot (not unlike the bag of Cheetos currently attracting ants next to her TV). “So… the dad is—?”

“Not in the picture,” Buffy says shortly.

“Gotcha.”

“I didn’t come here for an interrogation.”

“Hey, I gotcha, B. If you wanted the third degree you woulda stayed in Scotland. I can be discreet. What goes into or comes outta your body ain’t any of my business.”

“Gross. But thank you, I guess.”

[outlandishwhalesharks]

For @hellcheeranniversaryweek WIP Wednesday

So I've got a ton of WIPs but I think the one giving me the most trouble is my Gremlins AU. I had originally planned for hellcheer xmas but well figuring out the tone just kinda stopped me in my tracks.

I wanted to keep it fun but also dark and kind of traumatic, like the movie, but balancing all three has proven hard.

Also I ended up watching the Gremlins episode of Dead Meat and that had me wanting to make the two deaths I planned (Jason and Laura obviously:) a little more gorey like the creators had originally planned for the movie.

Anways I ended up getting stuck on finding that perfect mix. But I am working on it again and will hopefully have it up some time in July, ya know like Christmas in July though Jo Dante himself said its not a Christmas movie lol

And yes I have plans for a G2 ya'll!!! Sorry I just love these movies.

***

Eddie walks towards  the drama room to grab his dnd books he left there after their session the night before. He's got big plans for the next campaign and wants to get started on it during the Christmas break. 

He opens the door to see a scene that he can't quite comprehend.

 What the actual fuck.

There are green goblin monster things running around the room attacking Chrissy fucking Cunningham who is standing on his throne with a prop sword trying to bat them away. 

Honestly the scene would be hot if it weren't so fucking bizarre. 

Then he sees another body in the corner. And oh good shit is that Jason Carver?!?!? Or what's left of him anyway. 

He takes a deep breath resisting every urge to run. Doing so only because the Queen needs help and he's nothing if not her loyal subject. 

He tries not to catch the things' attention as he quietly tip toes towards the back cabinets where they keep tools for set design.

Chrissy keeps them distracted as he finds the object he's been searching for, a nail gun. 

"Hey monster things!" He shouts using his most intimidating dm voice.

Their attention saps to him and he starts shooting nails.

He misses the first couple tries but as he gets close he's able to pelt one in the head multiple times, taking it out. 

The cheerleader seizes the opportunity to kick the table in front of her, over on to another monster. As she does his throne topples over but she's able to maintain her balance while using the sword to whack at the third and final thing and make the perfect landing.

Again in any other circumstance it'd be hot as hell.

[mistydeyes]

Hey there! Can I request a pair-up thingy for the mw2 boys?

If yes then here's some info regarding me. (It's long as hell so beware)

Appearance: Appearance-wise, I can describe myself as emo but in a casual way. I have black hair styled in an undercut, I have a few piercings and the classic dark eyeliner and black painted nails. Most of my wardrobe are in the monochrome spectrum. Other things to note is that I'm shorter than usual, is sorta toned, and has light brown skin and eyes.

Personality: I tend to be described as chill yet funny by other people. It's true but I can be abit of a gremlin when I'm close to people. I am a huge introvert and barely makes any new friends (also caused by a few shitty friendships and resulting in trust issues). But when I do befriend someone, I think the world of them even though my main form of affection is teasing. I do have a problem with being abit emotionally constipated and empathizing with others, but I've masked my undiagnosed autism long enough to cover all this up.

What I seek in a partner: I am pretty open-minded to all kinds of things, things of this sort is no exceptions. I don't really have a preference for a partner, whether it may be appearance or gender. Some personality traits I swoon over more are partners that can double as my best friend, patience with regards to my issues with emotions and a good sense of humor.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

How you met: Civilian As you entered the cosmetics store, you quickly made your way to the nail polish aisle. You had come here for years and knew exactly what you needed: an Essie brand black nail polish. To your dismay, when you walked to the aisle you saw a young man standing there with the last bottle. You were about to grab another brand when he spoke up. "Um, excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know if this is a good brand?" he asked sheepishly. As you eyed his casual attire and cap covering his short hair, you couldn't help but feel like this was a joke. "Yeah it is, the best one actually," you replied, "I've been using that one for years!" "Oh really, I feel bad for taking the last one then," he said before handing you the bottle. You picked out your second favorite brand and handed it to him, "here this one should work just fine." "This might be asking for a lot but would you mind painting my nails for me? It's some stupid punishment from my mate," he asked, hoping you wouldn't find him weird. You thought for a moment but didn't see the harm in it. This was the start of you both as you gently painted Kyle's nails on the curb of the cosmetics store.

A peek into your relationship: "Kyle, I hate this," you said, hiding behind the dressing room curtain. This morning you both saw a TikTok about dressing your significant other and he thought it would be a great idea. Now, you regretted it as he stood handsomely in the monochrome outfit you had chosen for him and you were in neon overalls. "C'mon love, I just want to see," he encouraged. You huffed and came out of the room in a flurry of neon orange. "I look like a damn traffic cone," you said as you rolled your eyes. "Yes but you're my traffic cone," he replied and gently placed a kiss on your forehead. Later that evening you would get back at him by painting his nails neon pink and yellow :)

[shiningwonderland]

Cecil Aijima (Repeat)

Translator: Raz (Twitter: agnadance)

Proofreader: Sera (Twitter: serayagami)

Editors: Melanie (Twitter: melabonbon), Plaid (Twitter: cecillovemail)

QA: Rei (Twitter: wolfe_raine)

January — The Requiem of the Fallen Angel

We’ve obtained the Song of Agna and are now heading toward the principal’s office to battle Satan.

Ittoki-kun and the others wanted to join in on the fight as well.

However, if they were to become brainwashed again, that would just cause more trouble.

That’s why Cecil and I are going to the office alone.

In exchange, we decided that everyone else will head to the broadcast room and play the Song of Agna at full volume.

We’ve also brought an audio player and speakers just in case there are mechanical issues…

But I think the better the sound quality, the stronger the effect, so we’ll try our best.

Cecil Aijima: Once this fight is over, we will walk our respective paths.

Yes, once this is over, Cecil-san will return to his country, and I’ll stay here aiming to become a composer.

That’s why... this is the last time we’ll be together.

Cecil Aijima: I love you and believe in you. Even if we were separated on opposite sides of the galaxy, my heart would forever be by your side.

Select the Phrase!

心はひとつです. Our hearts are one. (+10 Love +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Even if we were to be apart physically, our hearts are one. We’re running towards the same goal.

Haruka Nanami: I think… that’s right. Therefore, let’s defeat Satan.

We must defeat him. We must…

わたしも… Me too… (+30 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: … I will always think of you, too…

The end of the battle will also mark the end of our romance. However, I have no regrets.

This is a battle for our futures.

ずっと一緒です. We’re always together. (+20 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Our hearts will always be together. We’ll never be apart, so… we’ll be fine.

Haruka Nanami: More importantly, we have to do what we can now… We must defeat Satan… Let’s take back our music…

Cecil Aijima: Let us go.

Haruka Nanami: Okay.

Cecil-san grips my hand tightly.

We enter the principal’s office holding each other’s hands.

Satan: UOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Have you come to seal me, Muse!?

Satan will be sealed by the Song of Agna.

We’ve come here believing in that legend.

We will now see with our own eyes whether the legend is true or not.

The moment we enter the principal’s office, I feel an immense pressure.

I haven’t felt this kind of pressure until now.

I think Satan has realized that we have an ace up our sleeve.

Satan: The avatar of the Muse. To think that you’d stand in my way again. However, I am not the me that I was before!

RUMBLE!

A huge cloud of dark energy erupts from Satan’s body and shakes the entire building.

The formless, dark energy transforms into monsters.

Each one stands around sixty centimeters high, with the proportions of a gremlin: a large head and small body. They’re completely black, along with having horns and fangs, and each brandishing a small trident.

Haruka Nanami: Wow! So many little gremlins…

Select the Phrase!

戦う. Fight. (+10 Love +0 Music)

I stand in front of the small monsters.

But…

Cecil Aijima: That is dangerous. Please stand back, my princess.

Cecil-san grabs my shoulder and pulls me back behind him.

逃げる. Run. (+5 Love +0 Music)

I slowly scoot backwards.

Cecil Aijima: Oh my…

My back bumps into something.

Cecil Aijima: If you are frightened, please hide behind me.

Even though I need to protect Cecil-san, I end up being protected by him.

Satan will be sealed by the Song of Agna. Even though Cecil-san is the one who’ll sing the song, I…

抱きしめる. Hug them. (+0 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: T-they look so cute…

I carefully walk toward one of the gremlins.

Cecil Aijima: I will not allow that. They may look cute, but they are violent…

Cecil grabs my hand and pulls me behind him.

Haruka Nanami: I’ll try to do something about this.So Cecil-san, please sing…

Cecil Aijima: But…

Haruka Nanami: Only you can do it.

Cecil Aijima: That is true. Very well, I will protect you while I sing. The song of love…

Now that I think about it, how should I fight…

I put my hands in my pockets and I find a rosary and charm inside.

Oh yes, I recall that before we went to battle, Ittoki-kun gave me his rosary and Hijirikawa-sama gave me his juzu beads.

They said that Satan might be weak to holy objects. Thank you, I’ll use them carefully.

At that moment, music begins playing from the principal’s office speakers.

Aah, they started playing it!

There are still students brainwashed by Satan wandering around the school, so I was worried, but…

They must have successfully reached their destination.

The Song of Agna playing from the speakers defeats the monsters and they disappear into the dark.

Haruka Nanami: Cecil-san…

I signal Cecil-san with a glance.

Cecil Aijima: Yes, the song… I shall sing to the melody!!

Satan: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I won’t let you, I WON’T ALLOW IT!!

Large orbs of dark energy appear behind Satan and they come flying at us with ferocity.

Cecil Aijima: Ugh, gah…!

One orb strikes Cecil-san right in the stomach.

Haruka Nanami: Cecil-san!!

Cecil Aijima: I-I am okay… I can… still sing… Come here…

Cecil-san guides me to the back of the sofa.

SHOO!

PSHOO!

I hide behind the shadow of the sofa to avoid the attacks, but I’m not sure how long it can hold out.

What should I do? What can I possibly do?

Select the Phrase!

逃げる. Run. (+0 Love +0 Music)

I want to run, but… If we run now, all our efforts will be for nothing.

I have to keep trying. I have to take back music and my future.

I gaze at Cecil-san’s face and make an oath in my heart.

説得. Try to reason. (+10 Love +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Is there any way we can reason with him?

Cecil Aijima: That is why we have music… the Song of Agna. Let us send the purifying light of song to him…

どつく. Punch him. (+0 Love +0 Music)

Cecil Aijima: I will not allow you to go that far. I want… you to take care of your hand.

Cecil Aijima: I shall sing the song of love…

Cecil-san takes a step forward and sings the Song of Agna.

The song spreads out like a wave. Satan’s attacks weaken the moment they touch the wave of sound.

Satan: ARRRRRRRRGH! L-LOSE TO THE LIKES OF YOU? TAKE THIIIIIIIS!

Satan throws a countless number of dark orbs at us.

Haruka Nanami: Cecil-san! … AH! …

A dark orb grazes me.

Cecil-san looks at me and falters for a moment.

Select the Phrase!

大丈夫ですっ! I’m okay. (+15 Love +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Don’t worry about me, the song… Please sing!

ダメですっ! You can’t! (+5 Love +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Right now, the song... Please focus on singing!

歌うのをやめないで. Don’t stop singing. (+10 Love +10 Music)

Haruka Nanami: If you stop now, it’ll be exactly what Satan wants. So please continue singing!

Once I say that, Cecil-san nods and keeps singing.

No matter how fiercely the attacks come, Cecil-san continues to sing. The Song of Agna…

I’ll believe in everyone’s feelings… And the hope for tomorrow’s music.

Satan: AAAAAAAAARGH! HRRMMM! TAKE THIS!

I stand in front of Cecil-san as he sings to shield him.

The dark orbs of energy keep grazing me and sometimes hit my arms and legs.

I feel extreme pain every time they hit me. I sometimes get so scared that I feel like I’ll fall over.

Select the Phrase!

盾になることくらいはできる. I can become a shield. (+5 Love +0 Music)

I’m powerless and barely of any use, but that’s why…

I want to become a shield for him. I want to protect him.

役に立ちたいから. I want to be of use. (+15 Love +5 Music)

Because I love him. I want to do anything I can, even if it’s just a little bit.

一緒に戦いたいから. I want to fight together. (+10 Love +5 Music)

I’m not alone. Now, together, we can… We’re fighting for the same cause.

That’s why I have to do anything I can.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, that’s it…

I hold Ittoki-kun’s rosary in my right hand and put Hijirikawa-sama’s juzu beads on my left hand, close my eyes, and begin thinking of music in my heart.

Satan’s afraid of music. If there really is a Muse inside me, please respond to me.

Once I do that…

Satan: This can’t be! This young girl created a barrier that can block magic…!?

Before I know it, a soft light envelops both me and Cecil.

That light reflects all of Satan’s attacks and nullifies them.

The Song of Agna… The song reaches into the chest of Satan and Satan’s evil soul gets expelled out of the Principal’s body in the form of mist.

Satan: Ugh… GUWAAAAAHHH!!! IT C-C-C-C-CAN’T BEEEEEEE!!! TO THE LIKES OF YOUUU!!!

Once Cecil-san finishes singing, all the black mist surrounding the principal gets sucked into the magic circle in the middle.

Shining Saotome: Ha! What happened to moi…? I see… It seems you two successfully defeated Satan.

Haruka Nanami: Yes!

Cecil Aijima: Please never, ever do such a dangerous ritual again. The Muse is inside all of the souls of people who love music.

Cecil Aijima: The Muse will never be summoned with that kind of method.

Shining Saotome: …You are…

Cecil Aijima: I am Cecil Aijima.

Cecil says his name and the principal’s shoulders jolt up.

Shining Saotome: Aijima…. What is your mother’s name…?

Cecil Aijima: Kotomi… Kotomi Aijima.

Shining Saotome: Is that so…

What’s this? The principal seems different from usual.

Shining Saotome: You sealed Satan with that song, correct…?

Cecil Aijima: Yes.

The principal quietly stares at Cecil-san. A long moment of silence…

W-what…?

Shining Saotome: … I HAVE DECIDED! I officially allow you to enroll!

Shining Saotome: Pair up with this girl and debut as an idol!

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

Eh? EEEEEEEEH!?

Cecil Aijima: No. I cannot do that. I have a mission.

Cecil-san… That’s right… 

Shining Saotome: YOU are a type that isn’t in the academy yet. You’re definitely material that I want. Is it really, REEEEALLY impossible for you?

Shining Saotome: YOU are a miracle! Those looks, that voice! You are a man who was BORN to become an idol!

Shining Saotome: You’re already wearing the uniform. YOU! Become a student HERE! This is a favor from the ONE AND ONLY SHI-NING!

Cecil Aijima: I cannot.

Shining Saotome: WHYYY? You can just give it a liiittle try! If you enroll now, I’ll throw in a bonus!

T-this is like an ad in a newspaper… This may be the first time that I’ve seen the principal acting so desperate.

Cecil Aijima: In order to completely seal Satan, I must go back to my country and form a contract with the Muse.

Ryuya Hyuga: About that, it seems like you’ll have trouble going back to your country.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, Hyuga-sensei!

Ringo Tsukimiya: I’m here too~

Ryuya Hyuga: The curse was lifted all thanks to you guys! Thanks for that. Nanami, you must’ve been so scared. You really worked hard.

Haruka Nanami: How are you feeling? Are you okay?

Ryuya Hyuga: Ah, it’s nothing. Sorry for worrying you. Even so, even though it’s the job of a teacher to protect their students, I was saved by my students instead.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Ah, that’s right, Haru-chan.

My memory is a bit cloudy, but it seems like I did something awful to you when I was brainwashed. I’m so sorry.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, no… It’s fine.

Cecil Aijima: Um… Why can I not return to my country?

Ryuya Hyuga: Your country is Agna Palace, correct? It seems like internal affairs deteriorated because of the Satan incident, so they closed their borders.

Ryuya Hyuga: Seems like it was originally a country that was half-open and only did trading with select dealers, but now even the airports are closed. It’ll be difficult to go back.

Cecil Aijima: That’s…

Cecil-san’s face pales.

Ryuya Hyuga: I’m not sure when you’ll be able to go back given the present situation. Also, this girl doesn’t have a partner yet.

Hyuga-sensei pats my head and rests his hand on it.

Ryuya Hyuga: At this rate, she’ll have trouble getting qualified to be evaluated. It’s a waste if she stays as a composer with latent potential. But if you were to become her partner…

Ryuya Hyuga: She would be qualified to attend the graduation audition. How’s that? Do you want to give this a shot until March? I’m sure you’d have a chance at winning.

Cecil Aijima: For… her sake… If she were not able to find a partner, would she not be able to achieve her dream?

Ryuya Hyuga: Hmm…. There are some composers that apply solo but it’s incredibly difficult. Her chances would be slim.

Ryuya Hyuga: It would be unfortunate if her talent went to waste, so I’d like to give her a chance to do the best she can.

Hyuga-sensei says that and Cecil-san goes quiet.

Cecil Aijima: Haruka. She has worked so hard for her dream. She fought Satan. I cannot let her dream end here.

He then takes my hand and smiles gently.

Cecil Aijima: Please, become my partner.

Haruka Nanami: Of course. Thank you very much.

This is how I suddenly became Cecil-san’s partner.

We then return to the classroom where everybody else has been waiting.

Otoya Ittoki: Nanami! I’m so relieved! I was wondering what we would do if you didn’t come back…

Tokiya Ichinose: Since you came back safely, that must mean that you defeated Satan.

Haruka Nanami: Yes!

Masato Hijirikawa: … Is that so? You really did your best…

Ren Jinguji: I always believed in you. I knew the lady would succeed.

Natsuki Shinomiya: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Now I can play music as much as I like… It’s… all thanks to you.

Syo Kurusu: I’m sorry that I couldn’t fight alongside you.

Haruka Nanami: No… It’s all thanks to everyone’s music that we were able to defeat Satan.

Haruka Nanami: So… this is a victory that everybody took part in!

Syo Kurusu: I see, you’re right!

Haruka Nanami: Yes!

Satan was sealed and our curse was lifted.

My real school life will start from today…

Mini Game

Even after life has returned to normal, Hyuga-sensei continues to give me private lessons.

I have to work hard to return the favor.

Ryuya Hyuga: How are you doing? Composing going smoothly? …I see… If you get stuck, try to play it out with any kind of instrument.

Ryuya Hyuga: Raw music is great. You might get a hint! Hm? The sheet music is… this…

Ryuya Hyuga: Let’s do this song from today’s lesson and onwards. Okay, now try doing this part and this part.

Ryuya Hyuga: It’s your song. You may think that it’s obvious that you can play it, but if you mess up even just a little, I’ll take away points with no remorse. Keep it together!

Ryuya Hyuga: Okay, start!

S Rank

Cecil Aijima: Excellent! You may be able to feel the life force of all the beings on earth and connect them all through rhythm. I, as well…

Haruka Nanami: Connect with rhythm…

That would be wonderful if I were able to do that. I’ll do my best to create good music.

Chapter End

[peacockeryabound]

A Study in Felt - Part 1

(From the story of the same name on my AO3)

Synopsis: Izzy gets sketched. Lucius encourages him to bare more than just his skin.

(Pairings: Lucius/Izzy, Edward/Izzy, ???/Izzy)

"I knew you'd come around to it." Lucius smiled as he opened up to a fresh page. "Don't listen to Pete; I don't draw just anyone."

It was a terrible lie, but he was also a terrible keeper of secrets. Perhaps they somehow canceled each other out in the end.

While he set up his ink pot and primped out the plume on his quill, he settled into a hum that might have sounded a little too pleased. The sketch he was about to produce was going to be a magnum opus, something only joked about over rum and tall tales until confirmed on paper. He had found a perfect blank page in the belly of the sketch book, a decision on his part to not only hide his project from its fellows but to also kill some time while waiting on his model.

A glance up made him cock his head. 

"I am not going to start until you are ready too, you know."

"I'm fine like this." His subject hissed, arms crossed as if a firm glare carried the same threat as a cutlass. "Just get it over with, and we will not speak of tonight again."

Lucius blinked. He pouted, though it wouldn’t hold for long until it split into a cheeky little grin.

"I...I don't understand what's happening here." He chuckled and wagged his finger between them. "Help me out." 

True, this had been an absolutely, astoundingly ridiculous arrangement. It had only been two days after the painfully awkward confrontation on the top deck, though Lucius had suspected Izzy had been giving him more of a wider berth to lick his wounds after the painfully uncomfortable “daddy” tantrum in the galley. He wanted to find the sick bastard on board who had been feeding the miserable little gremlin the idea to circle back on the offer, as Izzy was not the sort to just welcome absurdity after being politely reminded to go spew himself.

What certainly upheld that sentiment was how the older man looked almost plastered by the back wall, standing beside a bed far too laughable in its pastels against his dark leathers. His jumpy gaze was focused on everywhere but the scribe, lips curled in disgust from the room permeating reminders of the man he despised the most.

Lucius thought for a moment before he closed the book and placed it to the side with his quill. He placed one leg over the other, as flamboyant as can be in an attempt to show himself as nothing of a threat to whatever repressed emotions Izzy currently held onto. He attempted a smile and gestured to the bed.

The courtesy was not fondly returned, as Izzy remained infuriatingly bolted in place. He was glowering, waiting. He made an impatient point to the paper.

Lucius just shook his head.

"I'm being serious. Help me out. You can't say yes and then act no. It doesn't work like that, love."

He was fighting back his grin, so gleeful to be sitting here with this bizarre little fantasy come alive. He was still experiencing the mental playback of being confronted in the jam room only an hour prior; Izzy’s offer still hissed in his ears like a threat. The tingling along his left wrist persisted, right where it had been tugged.

But Izzy refused to speak now. His arms tightened further around his chest, head dipped just enough to give his glowering a more predatory weight. Nothing of the sort certainly happened, that he insisted.

Lucius Spriggs never considered himself a dominating man, but he knew he had to take the reins this time. Even if Izzy was too proud to commit, the jumpiness in his eyes showed he was more spooked than anything else and, well...Lucius could never ignore such sad eyes.

"Ok, fine then…I'll just talk for you." Lucius clicked his tongue and retrieved his items. "I made sure to test the bolt on the door, so nobody is going to come in."

In his mind, even the deepest assholes still had some warmth to them. Izzy Hands was not a pleasant man, but he was still human with a heart and something deeper had pulsed out of him in a strange moment of humanity, something pained and repressed that showed different shades of the little brute at the strangest of times. He'd rather die than confess it, but his fear was easily expressed on his features; it was the toughest emotion to mask, aside from its loving counterpart. Even men like him felt such things, and Lucius was determined to sniff out tonight which one was truly guiding this stubborn project.

He hummed as he brought the clean nib of the quill to the paper, pretending through the motions to stir up a response. His initial offer had definitely come off as a taunt in return, but he was always genuine in making it. Negotiating with a personality like his against one like Izzy’s was like trying to bring the sun into the black anger of a storm, but a delicate moment like this had the potential for something beautiful.

Glancing up again, he tested those choppy waters by offering a genuine smile.

"I know, it's a lot for you. And…it took a lot, so yes. I get it, I do. Here to play, not to fight." He motioned to the dining chair that was caught between them, woefully out of place but a convenient prop. "Please trust me on this."

A further display of his intent, he tilted the book to show the bare page, witnessing Izzy's shoulders loosening from his next exhale. 

In a way, he supposed he pitied Israel God-Damn Hands the same way he had pitied Fang, as just two men trapped by the expectations of a wicked way of life when he himself had taken for granted the luxury of care that Stede Bonnet (opposite in his way of ridiculous but just as odd) had provided him.

Izzy was looking at him now in a way that expressed that he too was mulling over similar thoughts. A heavy sigh escaped him that made him drop his arms like dead weights, hanging in a light swing at his sides before they stiffened up again and curled his fingers into fists.

"Blackbeard insisted that I do my part to be a better…member of your crew." He was glaring down at the floor. Clearly, it was a very much rehearsed response. "He was not fond of my suggestions of discipline and order on this sorry excuse of splinters after he returned from that pomp fuckery with Bonnet, and demanded that I "play nice", his words." 

He finally nodded at Lucius. The air of danger was still present in the tightness of his scowl; a guard dog, lured in by something and yet backed into a corner.

Well, even bad dogs still can earn pets, can't they?

"I…promise you that I will not keep it." Lucius said slowly. "And, I also promise to not say a word of this. It's probably tacky as fuck to you, what I do but…" he closed his eyes and swirled his quill in the air, fighting for the best way to express his perspective in a way his model would understand.

Ultimately, he shook his head at his own silly thoughts, sighed and opened his eyes. His next smile was a sad one.

"I know you think of me as some…some boneless little tart but what I do is art. It's…it's my window into what I admire in…" his lips blubbered at the squint he was getting. This was like trying to explain a painting to a blind man. 

"...forget it."

He was about to close the book again, poetically writing off this nonsense in one fell swoop before a low groan brought his gaze back.

Izzy was no longer posturing against Stede's fancy wallpaper, but he looked no less uncomfortable from the tightness in his jaw and how he stood, ramrod straight and desperate to look imposing.

"They'll find out." He rasped. "Can't hide shit from your filthy noses."

Lucius scrunched his own, unable to hide his smirking as he leaned back into his chair. That absolutely was an answer that opened the door just a little bit wider…

"That won't be on me. You have my word, Mister Hands. A sketch as your apology and said sketch as a show that I can play nice too."

"And I keep the picture."

"Absolutely."

"...but…naked."

Lucius scrunched his brows and nodded slowly. This time, he employed every bit of restraint that he could muster in not making a stupid face then and there, lest he spook the man and kill what progress they had already made.

Coercion was what they called it, the quintessential scoundrel's game. A good pirate loved swindling the meaning around- the game of risks and rewards. If Izzy was more comfortable speaking on his own grounds, then Lucius didn't see any harm in recreating the banter they shared before.

"Yes? It's obvious that's my style." He mused, sitting a bit straighter. 

"Are you, the Israel Hands, really that afraid of showing some skin to a silly bloke like myself?" He made a gesture to the tough leather and straps that were so nonsensical in their Caribbean locale. "You're a bloodthirsty brute, haven't you had it worse like, like getting stabbed in the liver or burned up in a raid or something?"

After a few more heavy seconds, Izzy made a noise and shifted in his boots, his expression souring in on itself as if jabbed by a deep pain. Lucius nibbled on the inside of his cheek. 

Was it good manners to ask a pirate what awful shit they've done?

He winced from a stray nip of his own tooth and blinked away the beading tear as he watched the first mate clutch at his lone glove and peel it off with a hiss as though it were a second skin.

"O-oh…" Lucius whimpered.

It was a hideous, mangled thing, all sinew and wrung up as if the skin had torn and blistered and had been hastily shoved back onto the bone. A perpetual pinkness glazed the surface in a phantom heat he could only imagine was responsible for the perpetual agitation on the older man’s features.

"A dip, in boiling fat." Izzy snarled at him. "Yes, I've been part of raids, like a real pirate." He made it a point to curl the thinned fingers, glowering at their ugly states and cracked knuckles. "I was captured after witnessing one of my men beheaded by a war axe, and I was tortured in an attempt to get information that you will never have the grace of knowing because you are no pirate ." 

Finding it futile at this point, he dropped the glove to the floor as if it were rubbish, staring at it in a moment that almost felt mournful. His stern expression tightened only further, deeper into a fit of emotion that clearly struggled against the memory.

"Everything I have done, was out of my respect for Blackbeard." 

Those hurt and angry eyes were back on the scribe again.

"I have taken so many pains and discomforts for the happiness of my captain. Because in the end, it is the honor of serving under Blackbeard that I do it all. No…this does not make me afraid."

He took a step forward, a slowness that made him feel twice as tall.

"This is my honor.” He gave his bad hand a brisk shake. His lip trembled. “I'm ugly. I'm fucking chewed up . Upon Edward's insistence to mingle with you sorry lot I will consent to your filth, not on my terms but yours, I will not enjoy it- you will not get that satisfaction." 

Lucius briskly nodded. Izzy only spoke in threats and orders, a language meant for far less deserving men than a man like Lucius, but something about the softness of that rasp continually betrayed the dangers they both continually danced around. Izzy was a vicious man, distrusting and unkind…and yet there was an eloquence suggesting a bygone era, hopelessly squandered the more Lucius looked upon that tight wrinkled face. So much stress and hardship had been carved into it, that he wondered through a dry gulp- was it truly an honor to endure in the end?

Unfortunate to them both, they were two men of equal footing in the game of stubbornness. 

"Then what is stopping you, right now." Lucius managed to say through a throat squeezing in on itself. He knew his own hand was trembling as he made a come on gesture.

This gamble was suicidal, himself of all people taunting this incarnation of misery that fouled his ship, but it was the pity Lucius felt for such a wretched creature that made him remain tight in his chair, squinting to push back the emotion in his eyes.

To his surprise, Izzy said not a word more to him. Rather, he held his gaze in a silence that neither of them wanted to break but both equally suffered in.

Something finally twigged in the older man, an affirmation only he would ever know, but Izzy eventually snorted and began to side step out of view. Lucius strained his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering.

He listened to the boot steps- where they moved based on sound. Avoidance of the rugs suggested that Izzy wasn't anywhere near the door. Instead, a curious shuffling of fabric clued Lucius into the wild, inconceivable notion that the first mate of the Queen Anne had instead slipped through the curtain towards Stede's private library. The sudden reminder that the fabric itself was not at all opaque startled a terrified sort of selfish glee to squirm in his belly. 

Right, privacy; something that certainly was unaccounted for during the "inventory" time in the galley. (Sorry, Wee John.) But…if Izzy insisted on it now…?

As he adjusted his neck kerchief and puffed up his cheeks, Lucius listened. There was a tightness prickling up his throat when he heard things being shuffled around- heavy thumps and the rattling of tiny metal bits. The back of his neck tingled and his heartbeat began to pound in his ears, tickling his brain with tantalizing theories of what was going on beneath all that hot leather...

Oh fuck , this really was happening.

His eyes fluttered, and he shook his head. References for the art, nothing more.

He had to wonder though, what exactly did Israel Hands look like on his own?

Leg bouncing, tongue licking repeatedly over drying lips, he bit his lip and stared at the paper as he thought.

Blackbeard was expected to be riddled with tattoos and smelling of brimstone, but Fang was soft and delicate after he spread himself wide on another man's bed with every bit of hair on him raised in jubilation. The human body was a beautiful thing when it relaxed, absolutely detached from the strings pulled by its mental self.

Even with his tattoos and brimstone, Blackbeard surprised them all by exhibiting himself as jovial and pleasant a man as any other, a sobering revelation that extended to his crew. Fang was sweet and kind. Even Lucius' own Black Pete, the exhausting Teach boot-licker that he was, bloomed into a different kind of boisterous once he got over his own need for validation...

Lucius tapped the feather of his quill to his bottom lip as he thought.

That bizarre outburst in the galley...what did Izzy have to hide?

There was an unmistakable sound of naked feet sticking to the waxy wood behind him, for Lucius Spriggs was no stranger to creeping around decks without shoes. The little plip-plip sounds increased into an uneven shuffle, almost overtaken by the shakiness of a breath that sounded so close to his ears. Dutifully, he kept his head forward, feigning interest in pricking his finger with the quill nib as a shape passed into the corner of his eye. 

It was blurry and a delightful cream, so very human despite the insistence of its owner. The fact that he saw more cream than black made his mouth run dry. A caught feeling of being watched overwhelmed him, so his gaze continued to rove further and further to the left in order to continually keep Izzy effectively out of his view.

Part of him wanted to grin like a maniac, so excited he was to know that the Israel Hands was currently naked within his vicinity. The man had become something of a legendary hunt for him and his strange hobby, as while Lucius had cataloged the forms of every man on the Revenge, he had yet to capture his own captain on paper. Same for Blackbeard, then there were talks of other legendary pirates out there to be encountered yet. In a way, it was both an honor and a terror to know he was going to bear witness to something so incredible that the opportunity may never come again. Stripped down to what God gave him, all the titles in the world meant nothing to what man laid bare.

The petty, vicious, unyielding Israel Hands...standing before him now, commanding attention with the tiniest of rasps.

Lucius Spriggs had never found himself to be a man who respected devils like the one before him, but he dutifully chased the sound to properly look at a man who had chosen on his own grounds to filet himself of his precious armor and with it, his reputation.

It all made sense now, why Izzy had been insistent on moving that damn chair around at the start of this meeting. It was now effectively shielding his nethers and was being clutched like the last line of defense. His expression was striking in how similar it was to the one he took during his sexual taunts, a profound mix of sorrow and spite towards the world.

Lucius parted his lips, jaw dancing for a moment before he swallowed air.

"I…um…" he was staring at the older man's knuckles, hearing the popping in their sockets from their panicked hold along the upholstery. "I know you're already, uh, committed but…if you really don't want to do this, we can stop."

Izzy surprised him by nodding. His nostrils were flaring and without the loose fit of his shirt, the skin of his chest shivered against his ribs. He continued to stare at Lucius, though his eyes looked distant and his mouth slacked. His next breath sounded like a dying man's grasp.

He licked his lips, sighed and hung his head.

"This needs to be done."

Lucius blinked. He cocked his head and frowned at the sorry sight before him.

"Does it?"

The expression he saw was curious, almost flattered. 

"It does. I do not back out of my promises."

There was definitely more to say, but Izzy refused it. He instead stared at the seat and tapped his fingers along the rim before he slapped the back. He took a few steps back, but not enough to reveal the entirety of himself.

Lucius hesitated, his actions slow. He turned to another page out of mindless reflex and only broke his gaze to dip his quill into the ink pot.

The stark sincerity was such a mood flip that he felt nauseated for a moment. For all of his confidence before, Lucius was no longer so sure. Dangerous men and rabid dogs both cowed before biting.

"Does blackmail count as a promise?" He asked, a laughable attempt to keep the mood light with humor.

He honestly wasn't sure if he would consider this all "blackmail", compared to the attempt Izzy made about Fang's sketch. Lucius had only teased this idea to stir up a laugh- dislodge the skewer up the other man's ass. He was starting to feel from the overall mood that Izzy was trying to make up another name for a redemption.

Once he was satisfied that the quill was properly soaked and his clean page smoothed out, Lucius looked up with his tongue pressed against the back of his front teeth, ready to tut out another remark. 

Whatever thought he had entertained, it had died in the water the moment he bore witness to an incredible sight.

The positioning was awkward, as it was obvious that the man was not used to peacocking himself, but Izzy was laying in his best recline on Stede's bed. Everything was presented without cover, from the scars in no set pattern along his soft skin to the healthy spread of his body hair along his chest to taper off in a clean line further south. Lucius kept his peep to the man's loins only as a parting glance, though he knew his own smile betrayed his tightened lips by tugging at the sides. He had seen many penises in his time, both out on sea and in all of his sketchings to the extent that they shouldn't really stir much of a response anymore. In truth, that brief giddiness was not of perversion but of admiration, to be an audience to the natural formation of the male body and to be trusted in capturing his most well guarded spot.

It was only a quick glance, but he still treasured the moment anyway with a rosiness to his cheeks that was definitely, unashamedly there. Izzy really was lovely, in all of his angles.

"You really are a queer lot." The man finally spoke. His voice was small and uncertain.

Lucius smiled as he started his first lines.

[jossoares]

I Played No More Heroes

This was actually not my first Suda51 game, as I had randomly played Killer is Dead years before, but this is the first one I paid attention to, I guess.

It’s a game about a loser who sucks who lives in a shitty, ugly town and does menial tasks so he can kill people for no reason. Most of the game is actually pretty boring. In-between each ranked fight, you have to do small jobs here and there to afford getting to the next fight. Even when you do get to a ranked fight, you still have to fight through corridors of piss-easy enemies (though maybe that was just because I was playing on Easy mode. Yes, I am a scrub).

Most of No More Heroes is about pressing buttons. You press the button to ride your (terrible-to-control) bike to the next location, you press the button to lift some weights, you press the button to carry coconuts around. When you’re fighting enemies, you have to figure out if you press the button to go high or the one to go low.

Of course, the catharsis is in the boss fights. They’re what the game’s all about. After all your hard work, you’re rewarded with a decently fun battle, and then it’s on to the next one.

It really struck me just how meaningless the killing was. That’s the joke. It’s a game that completely rejects story, and makes fun of the player’s yearning for narrative. What do you want that for? Would it really make you feel better if you knew he had some tragic backstory, that he was on some path to revenge? It understands interaction and gameplay as the main form of audience engagement, and sees “plot” as a form of useless set-dressing. The story starts when you press the button to slash the sword. The game teases you at the end with a plot, but gives you no satisfying conclusion and straight-up skips through the final boss’ monologue before laughing in your face for being mad.

In that sense, it’s maybe the only real video-game out there.

Santa Destroy sucks. It’s ugly and desolate, and I don’t think that was by accident. If there is one thing that is extremely strong about No More Heroes, is its art direction. The environments for the ranked fights are dark, colorful, cool, and their high-contrast style really contrasts with Santa Destroy’s grey monotomy. It’s a shitty town!

Appropriately, Travis Touchdown is a massive loser. He’s a cum gremlin who spends all day sitting in his armchair and jacking off. He’s a redditor who got his personality from comic books and porn. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have any friends. He jacks off to recharge his sword.

All that combined makes No More Heroes probably the most salient parody of the concept of “America” or “The American Dream”. Rather than being a story about corrupted morals or falling from the top, it’s about the meaninglesness of the grind itself. Travis works shitty jobs so he can make the money to kill other assassins to get to the top, but for no reason. Just to do it. I guess there is the promise of getting laid, but I don’t think he even needed that. Otherwise, there is no reward involved. It’s like making an NFT. Travis sits on his armchair reminds me of that scene from Scarface, in which Tony Montana sits at his golden bathtub, complaining to no one in particular, surrounded by luxury but all alone. Travis is the same, but the room sucks. There is not even the premise of ostentatious wealth.

An illustrative moment is on the way to the Rank I fight, where you get your bike stolen and have to walk on foot to your destination, which takes a good 5 minutes. You’re forced to actually look around the town instead of speeding through it on a bike, and what strikes you is how ugly and lifeless everything is. This is the world you live in. You’re fighting to be the ruler of an empty kingdom.

Everything sucks and nothing you do matters. 7/10.