#yes I’m aware TMA says fuck but it’s VERY limited

[c0smic-horrorwerewolf]

I love podcasts because their interjections of horror are so different. Like

The Magnus Archive: “CHRIST!” To “SHIT”

Welcome to Night Vale: “HELL!” To “OH MY GOD!”

Wolf 359: “GOD!” To “SON OF S BITCH!”

Malevolent: “FUCK!” To “SON OF S FUCKING BITCH” Malevolent has no censorship AT ALL

It’s kinda funny

[chaotic-solutions]

tma entities ranked from least to most sexy and yes i know this has been done before this is just for fun

14. The Lonely

do i even need to explain myself? depression isn’t sexy and peter lukas is the worst avatar. fuck off you socially anxious sailor i hate you. also gets docked points for everything involving martin. martin is sexy but lonely!martin just makes me sad

13. The Eye

jonah magnus. enough said. does get points for jon but jon has a limited reserve of sexy. dark academia is cool and all but i’m not down with the capitalist vibes and how poorly archival staff gets treated

12. The Corruption

hear me out the corruptions symbolism is incredibly unsexy but it’s ranked above the eye because even if it’s in a creepy way it does just want to love you. also jane prentiss is hot

11. The Buried

only sexy if you’re into choking

10. The Dark

in theory the dark should be one of the sexiest entities but something about it just. isn’t. manuela domingez is its only saving grace because god knows maxwell rayner isn’t doing it any favours in the sexy department

9. The Slaughter

melanie king is hot but war isn’t. slaughter statements are boring but the aesthetic is good

8. The Desolation

would be very fucking sexy if it weren’t for the child endangerment. don’t bring kids up as messiah figures you assholes. jude perry is (quite literally) hot but she’s a bad person and i don’t remember anyone else from the lightless flame. agnes montague deserves a better entity than this

7. The Stranger

gets docked points for the not!them and killing danny but nikola orsinov is so fucking sexy. i want whatever breekon and hope have going on

6. The Flesh

*banging pots and pans together* jared hopworth is hot! also being trans of gender makes the concept of manipulating my body very epic indeed. great for body image issues 10/10

5. The End

death isn’t sexy but end avatars are. gonna be honest the main reason this one is ranked so high is because of georgie barker

4. The Hunt

i want daisy tonner to raw me

3. The Web

i am a sucker for spider aesthetics and annabelle caine is incredibly sexy. could do without the manipulation though

2. The Spiral

not having a coherent form is indescribably sexy. the whole ideology of nonsense is rad as fuck too. helen please return my calls

1. The Vast

it should go without saying that the vast is sexy. being aware of your own insignificance and finding freedom because of it? bitch that’s hot! also simon fairchild will pay your bills and that’s epic. i would like to be a part of this skydiving found family that believes nothing matters

[irrealisms]

childhood friends to lovers; mutual pining; that thing where a secondary character ends up being Super Important; fuck-or-die; blood sacrifice

childhood friends to lovers No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know | yeah i’m into this!!!!! i don’t really have thoughts on it but it’s a good trope. solid.

mutual pining No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know | mutual pining is a classic for a REASON, and the reason is that it fucks and is great. i do have a limit though, i can’t read slowburn mutual pining fics because i’m tearing my hair out about it after like 50K words, unless they never get together in which case it’s “oh god you don’t even know”. ....wow it kind of feels weird to type God’s name casually, i guess “mission: change my vocabulary to include less of casually taking the Lord’s name in vain” is starting to work? anyway that’s not the point. the point is that mutual pining is a great trope and “mutual pining where they never get together, they just Keep Pining and then Die” brings it to another level

that thing where a secondary character ends up being Super Important No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know | i like it but it’s definitely context-dependent? tma does this really well, because i was aware pretty early on that a bunch of throwaway names would end up being important; i also really enjoy this with really small casts; but when it’s a big cast and this happens i will sometimes forget who the secondary character......is..... which kind of takes the oomph out of it

fuck-or-die No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know | dubcon/mutual noncon is in general a huge Id-Pleasing Button of mine! i think a lot of people write fuck-or-die in kind of a boring way but ideally they both love each other and then they’re traumatized by each other and they have deeply complicated feelings about that, because they love the other person and don’t want to be triggered by their perfume, or because watching the person they love flinch away from them hurts and makes them feel wrong and broken and evil. or else they have a bunch of complicated feelings but neither of them are traumatized by each other but they’re avoiding each other because they both think the other one is traumatized. also very good: when one or both would rather die than fuck, but it’s not just their own life that they’re gambling with here, and they don’t want the other person to die. or when it’s combined with sex pollen-y stuff that makes one or both of them needy and desperate, that’s got all the goodness of sex pollen (which is also “a lot of people write this boringly but when it’s done well my id LOVES that shit” as a trope), which i will not elaborate on in this post because this is long enough already.

blood sacrifice No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know | what can i say, i imprinted on aztec human sacrifice rituals at the age of five, which i feel explains a lot about my entire self