#yes I made him bald because Tom Cruise

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

WIP. Ganmen Thallery does not negotiate with terrorists.

[oldguy56-world]

Makes No Sense At All

This is the much anticipated follow up to my May 4th 2020 blog Sense and Sensibility. I like to stay on top of things. Ask my wife how good I am at following up, just don’t do it today. There is something I am supposed to be doing but for the life of me I don’t remember what it is.  When I remember I will follow up. I always do even if not in a timely manner.

Just a reminder to all of you what the original, and now this blog, are about. There are things in the world that make absolutely no sense at all to me. (See. that is where I got the title, just removed a couple of the words and voila.)

There are a lot of observations I have made that are problematic to my rationalization process. Or maybe I am just feeble minded. Arguments could be made for both. I have performed 0 research on this, but yet I have examples galore to share with you.

- Why has Walmart gone to self checkout but still has 5 people working at the self checkout(?) area to help you? I know it gives them all someone to talk to except the person that approaches you a dozen times to see if you want to open a Walmart credit card. If they are serving no useful purpose but insist on being there why not remove their index, ring and baby fingers making it easier to convey the company message to you. They can keep their thumbs just so technically they are still members of a select species.

- Why do men and women have zippers on their clothes on opposite sides of the opening? Is it men need to zip from the left in case we have to go for our gun? (This was made popular in the old west) 

- Why does the price of gas at the pumps go up the second oil prices rise? They already had the stuff in the underground tanks at the old price. I can’t believe the oil companies are that greedy. (I*&YH)  Sorry about that. My wife was standing behind me while I was typing this (she does this from time to time as part of her editing job) and she knocked some sense into me. That is why there are some random letters typed. I guess the oil companies ARE that greedy.

- Mayo on fries. WTF! Leave it to those Montreal Canadiens fans to mess up good bad food.

- On TV or in movies, why are professional killers so bad at killing the star. There will be 10 of them with machine guns and the hero (or heroine) has a pistol, and they can’t hit them. I completely understand when it is Tom Cruise. He can stand behind a fire hydrant and they won’t see him, but everyone else? The evil masterminds need to hire better thugs.

- Sticking with the TV themes. Why does every relative of every major cast character end up in trouble with the law and yet they have never done anything wrong? If a show is on long enough they run out of family members. That is when you find out they have a long lost step brother, or an uncle Gus they thought was dead but has been in hiding for 20 years. Are all families like this? Mine isn’t. I don’t have more that a half dozen that have done time, and it was always well deserved. A show about my family therefore would only last 6 episodes unless there were some about long time friends who are in witness protection up north. Oops, I said too much.

- Why do men with hairy bodies go bald on their head? (Yes, this one is personal) If my physiology allows me to grow hair on 97% of my body, why can’t that 4X4 patch on top do the same thing? This is not the 70′s anymore where I can show my virility by having my shirt open down to my waist. (Not that my wife, or anyone else wants to see that) Sometimes things just ain’t right.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Here is something that does make sense. We have a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell because one is a lot easier route to travel than the other one is.

[girlmeetsliv3]

The Letter Series: Epilogue

Trigger Warning: The following story contains mentions of manipulation, abuse, and implied descriptions of abusive acts. The behavior and mindset of the characters in this will be incredibly yandere and toxic. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~

- Finale -

“I know what it looks like, but I swear if you just let me explain.” Jung Hoseok stood shaking nervously at the bottom of the old oak bridge. His body was tackled to the ground by the chief of police, the blood-stained clothes getting dirtier with the mud. “Please. You have to listen to me, I didn’t do it.” The sergeant ignored Hoseok in favor of reading him his rights. A crowd of people had unfolded at the scene, watching with anticipation. The sun had begun to set, but even in the twilight hour, the horror of the scene could be seen in perfect detail. There were blood spatters all over the muddy ground and shreds of clothing scattered under the bridge. No one had ever seen such a thing, nor would they be able to forget it. As Hoseok was dragged into the cop car, he desperately cried out. “I swear it wasn’t me! Please. Believe me.” His eyes met that of a bystander, standing at the very edge away from the crowd. They communicated with each other until the door was shut in Hosoek’s face and the crowd was cleared to properly inspect the scene.

“Do you think it was him?” Jimin rolled his eyes and continued cleaning the dried coffee spots on the machine. “I mean he was at the scene of the crime.” Though his coworkers had always been gossipers, this was getting out of hand. The two prefer to discuss a situation they were warned by their supervisor, not to discuss instead of attending the customers. The cafe was usually a pretty calm place, but after the media had caught wind of the stalker case and y/n’s disappearance it had been packed tight for nearly twenty-four hours. Reports trying to catch a caffeine break before going back hounding the sheriff's office for information. “Hey Jimin, you were neighbors with both of them. What do you think happened?” Jimin dropped the rag, though slammed it down against the countertop was more appropriate. “I’m neighbors with everybody, it's a small town. What does it matter what I think anyway? Crimes aren’t solved with opinions or by gossiping around.” His tone was snarky and there was a dark gleam in his eyes. It worried his coworkers as Jimin was typically all smiles, but recently he had been on edge. “We know, but aren’t you curious? Weren’t you and y/n close?” At that Jimin scoffed, “I went over to her house once to drop off something she left behind. That doesn’t make us close.” Not seeing the point in losing any more brain cells conversing with them Jimin headed towards the back to restock, letting the door swing closed on the customers and whispers of his coworkers.

“We’re going to have to start looking for a new tutor.” Jungkook’s mother smacked his father upside the head. “Now is not the time to be having this conversation.” Jungkook was leaning against the wall with his eyes peering through the small opening of the kitchen door. “If now isn’t an appropriate time then I don’t know when is.” His mother sighed, her shoulders slacking downward. “You know he won’t like that.” His father frowned but still walked towards his mother to lay a kiss on her forehead. “We’ll find someone else. Someone who can help him.” Silence. It was several minutes later when one of them actually spoke, “You don’t think?” The question hung in the air. Simultaneously both parents turned towards the door, but Jungkook was quick enough to pull his head back before they saw him. “They had one session and the next day, she goes missing.” He didn’t miss the way his mother’s voice cracked when she said that. “And he was the one who insisted it be her. That they got along.” Jungkook’s throat began to dry out and tears brimmed in his eyes. “Darling, I know Jungkook can be a bit strange sometimes. Our Kookie would never hurt anyone.” It sounded like his father was trying to convince himself rather than speak the truth. It didn’t matter. All the tears dried and Jungkook stood up, walking away from the kitchen into the darkened hallway.

“You mean to tell me that you didn’t see any suspicious activity whatsoever?” Kim Taehyung sat in the interrogation room with an unopened brand of generic soda on the metallic table in front of him. “No. I saw what I see every single day. Nothing out of the ordinary.” The investigator in front of him shook his head, “I just don’t understand how you fail to see someone lurking around.” The man’s tone clearly showing his disbelief. “Is it not your responsibility to keep watch over the neighborhood?” Taehyung slammed his hands down on the table, “I’ve been doing my job. My job is to watch over the neighborhood: to make sure there are no fights, accidents, or animals sneaking into trashcans. Not to ensure there is no letter writing psychopaths that go around kidnapping women!” After his outburst Taehyung slumped back against the chair, grabbing the soda and opening it before chugging half of its contents down. The officer remained impassive but chose to sit down in front of him. “I spoke with town residents. They told me, you and Mr. Leuh had a brawl of sorts the night he died.” Taehyung rolled his eyes, “We didn’t have a brawl. We had an argument, I could hardly even call it that.” The policeman's eyes scanned the file before replying. “It states here that you threatened to beat him to a pulp if he didn’t stop blabbing.” Taehyung clenched his teeth and reminded himself to breathe, “So what because we had a disagreement, I suddenly killed him. Give me a break. Leuh didn’t get along with anyone, the man screamed old school toxic masculinity with every breath he took.” It appeared that nothing he said would be taken seriously so Taehyung chose to shut up, stating he would no longer speak until a lawyer was present.

“It was purchased at this store was it not?” Yoongi nodded. “You were the one who sold it to her were you not?” He smirked, “I’m the only one who works here so if it wasn’t me, then maybe it was the ghost in the back.” The two uniformed men showed no interest in his joke. “Yes, I sold it to her. What about it?” Though his business was never beaming, the few customers he did have were driven away the moment the cop car pulled up outside. “The ink used to write the letters was the same ink used by the typewriter which she purchased here on the first day she moved to town. See what we’re getting at?” The bald oversized man was everything Yoongi hated about authority figures and reminded him of his old principal. “If you think I’m the one who killed her or sent the letters, you’re mistaken. It would be pretty stupid of me to write the letters on something that so clearly points to me, don’t you think?!” The fact that oversized failed to properly articulate a response, let Yoongi know that the man had simply been bluffing. “Don’t you have another one?” The shorter stockier man beside oversized spoke up. “Pardon?” Yoongi frowned and underneath the desk, his leg began to tremble. “I’ve shopped here before with the Mrs and know you always carry two of everything. An heir and a spare you call it.” Yoongi swallowed before answering the best he could, “That was the spare. The other broke a while ago and since I couldn’t afford to repair it only kept the other one.” The officers exchanged a look. “I can take you to the back if you’d like. Show it to you.” The men agreed before following Yoongi towards the back of the store where the ghost laid.

“Have you posted the house on the market yet?” Seokjin laughed as he threw back another shot. “Are you insane? How would that make me look if I sold the house a girl was stalked and potentially murdered in.” His friend laughed, “Not as bad as being the man who sold her the house. As well as the maintenance manager.” Seokjin chuckled slightly under his breath, “Don’t say it like that. I hardly knew her.” His friend was so drunk he failed to notice the way, Seokjin mood radically shifted. “Come on man, weren’t you always at her house fixing something. For as put together as the girl looked, she must’ve been a total klutz if she kept breaking everything.” Seokjin simply stood quiet and observed the man bordering on alcohol intoxication. “I mean I don’t think you did it man, you're incapable of hurting a fly. Maybe the stalker made a copy of your set of house keys. He’d have to go through lengths to get them though.” The drunkard’s laughter eventually subsided to that of a small chuckle, when he noticed Seokjin was clenching the shot glass tightly. “Man are you okay?” In an instant, Seokjin began to laugh and pretended to be drunk. “Just thinking how ridiculous the guy would have to be. I mean he’d have to like break into my office, make a copy of the keys, and return them back before I could even notice.” The other man began to laugh once again, “Like something out of a Tom Cruise movie, yeah?!” Another round was ordered and the men clinked their glasses together, determined to wash away the tragedy around them with some alcohol. While they still could.

“How did he manage to do it? How did he manage to create the perfect crime?” Namjoon spoke as he stared at the Bulletin board in front of him. Every piece of evidence is carefully interwoven by strings of various colors. “There is no such thing as the perfect crime. Only idiotic cops that can’t solve it.” The chief spoke as he chugged down his sixth water bottle that day. “You should try coffee sir, I’ve heard it helps.” The elder smacked his lips together and grumbled, “The only decent cup of coffee one can get in this town is in the cafe and it's being hogged by the reporters.” Namjoon looked back at the older man whose wrinkles were once again settled into a deep frown. “They’re just trying to do their job, sir.” The chief scoffed, “They keep me from doing mine.” Seeing no point in continuing the conversation, Namjoon focused his attention back on the board. Pretending to over everything when in reality, his eyes moved around robotically. “How’s Hoseok doing?” He repeated his question when it became obvious it hadn’t been heard. “Oh, I heard he’s doing better now. The doctor allowed him to return home once he declared him healthy.” Namjoon nodded, “Got to say it's pretty smart. Drugging him up and decorating the entire scene with pig’s blood. That way our only witness it useless, even smarter if he does it to himself.” The chief stopped glancing at the board to turn his attention over to the rookie cop, “Sounds like your impressed by all of this son. Any particular reason why?” Namjoon merely shrugged, “What can I say, sir. I’ve been reading a lot of thrillers lately, need to get into the mind of the criminal in order to play his game.” His left eye dropped into a wink before he claimed he needed to use the bathroom and walked out of the room.

“Hurry the fuck up Steve, we can’t miss this or both our assess are on the line!” The cameraman named Steve hurriedly set up the stand and made sure everything was working whilst the young reporter adjusted her blouse and mic. “And we’re live in three…” Steve held up his hands counting down with his fingers until he reached the one, giving the signal for his partner to commence. “Hello, This is Alex Mei reporting live from the scene. It appears a new development has been made in the Y/n Y/l/n case. Earlier this morning, police discovered a set of letters in the windowsill of the victim’s bedroom. Investigators have no knowledge of how these letters could have gotten there, as the entirety of the downstairs area of the house was locked. These letters are important, as they are believed to be the original letters the perpetrator wrote to Miss y/l/n. The ones that went missing on the eve of Y/n’s disappearance on June 15th of this year. Authorities have yet to speak, but everyone here is anxiously awaiting news.” Steve gave the signal that the transmission was done and the reporter let out a sigh. “I just want this to be over already.”

------------------------------------------

 Dear y/n, 

      I’m sorry its come to this. I hope you can understand. I love you too much to let you go. I love you too much to let you know. So this way it shall remain, until your final days. 

Love, 

    Your well-meaning neighbor. Your new best friend. Your loyal protector. Your man. Your purpose. Everything you need us me to be.

P.S. You should’ve known better than to lock your window at night. Only served to lock you inside. 

[thezachrogers]

TOP 50 OF 2017

(revised 1/15/2018)

Well everyone, as 2017 comes to a close, and as the holidays are just a head of us full of the best and most anticipated films of the year...it is time to recap some of the best and worst movies I have seen so far this year...50 of them to be exact!

WORST TEN:

10. Life (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Sony was very vague about if this was a prequel to the upcoming Tom Hardy Venom spinoff. Even if it was or wasn’t, it would not make this film any better. So if and only if it is in fact a Marvel film, SPOILER ALERT, the symbiote makes it back to Earth, darkens (goes from white to black when hitting Earth’s atmosphere) and can kill or keep its hosts alive. The end.

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes 67% My score - 2/5 Stars

9. Transformers: The Last Knight (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

This is arguably the worst installment of the explosive franchise. I keep scratching my head as to why these films keep getting made. And then I remember, “oh yea, toy sales.” Even though Michael Bay and Mark Wahlberg are calling it quits, a sixth installment is in motion set as a prequel in the 80s that will be loyal to the original transformers animated series will drop sometime in 2019. Don’t waste your time on this piece of garbage. 

IMDB - 5.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 16% My score - 1.5/5 Stars

8. Death Note (available for stream on NETFLIX now)

I laughed repeatedly at how ridiculous this movie was. Based off the anime, Willem Dafoe stars as Anti-hero/Villain Akira who is a demon that comes along with a book titled “death note” that allows you to kill anyone you want by writing their name down in a book. Production is quality for Netflix, and I can say that I did enjoy this movie even though I knew it was bad. Definitely one for the tweens.

IMDB - 4.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 40% My score - 1.5/5 Stars

7. GOLD (now available for stream on Netflix, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Why does Matthew McConaughey now think he has to completely change his appearance and body weight in order for us to assume he is a good actor? It worked with Dallas Buyers Club because he didn’t just change his body, but it was also the token gay film of the year to take home all of the awards. Gold however has no gay undertones, neither does it have humor, nor a good story. Just a fat, balding, snaggle-toothed version of himself with an excessively hot out of his league version of Bryce Dallas Howard. Another true story that is crap and should have been made into a movie, this film should have been a straight to Redbox or Netflix feature. 

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 43% My Score - 1.5/5 Stars

6. The Heart of Man (one night only documentary for Fathom Events at AMC)

I don’t even know y’all. Why do Christians feel the need to put crap like this in theaters? I can’t even call this a documentary - there was this weird analogy/metaphorical scene throughout the film with this “God” like character (old and bearded hipster) playing a violin and this other dude, let’s call him gaptooth, running away chasing his definition of hot girls (guess they couldn’t find any to be in the movie) and he didn’t want to play violin anymore. Then the girl he is making out with turns into a crack head dude (so I guess she’s a tranny?) and he/she locks gaptooth in a cave. Whaaaaaaaaaaa? Throughout the “artpiece” there were people spilling out their guts in interview format on committing adultery. Yea it was weird. I walked out with my community group thinking “so do all of our wives think we are cheating on them? 

Yea this was just a giant turd. Don’t bother seeing it.

IMDB - 8.6/10 (probably from christian bloggers) Rotten Tomatoes - no score (surprised?) my score - 1/5 Stars

5. Baywatch (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Wow, this was so bad. I don’t know when Dwayne Johnson will ever make a good film. How is this dude the highest paid actor in Hollywood when he ONLY makes trash movies? I know he’s a great person and all but...we need a good movie from you man. With the exception of the eye candy as seen above there is nothing watchable about this movie. 

IMDB - 5.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 19% My score - 1 star

4. Power Rangers (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

You are probably not surprised, but the worst five films I have seen this year were all my wife’s doing. This one is on the list as well. I grew up a Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers fan and knew this one was going to be terrible as well. Another movie made simply to sell toys. Such a garbage movie with too many good actors like Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Banks, and Stranger Things 2′s Dacre Montgomery. Please don’t waste your time with this movie unless you have kids that want to watch as they will probably love it and want to go to the store after and buy toys.

IMDB - 6.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 43% My score - 1 star

3. A Dog’s Purpose (now available on Digital, Blu-ray, DVD)

AND THE WORST MOVIE THAT I SAW IN 2017 GOES TO...

AND THE WORST REBOOT OF ALL TIME GOES TO...

AND THE WORST START OF A UNIVERSE/FRANCHISE GOES TO...

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF RUSSEL CROWE’S CAREER GOES TO...

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF TOM CRUISE’S CAREER GOES TO...

2. The Mummy (2017) (now available to not watch on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

1. Flatliners (review coming soon)

IMDB - 5.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 16% My score .25/5 Stars

TOP 56 (revised 1/15/18)

56. The Lost City of Z (Now on Amazon Prime, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)The cast is superb. This a true story as far as script goes, not really much you can change..it’s just not a great story. No great character development, even though the acting is great; halfway through the movie, junior has a time jump and grows to be Tom Holland, who we now know and love as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. The movie is just weak.IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 87% My score - 2.5/5 Stars

55. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

54. The Case for Christ (2017) (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Not bad Pure Flix Studios, not bad at all.

IMDB - 5.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 55% Me- 3 Stars

53. Despicable Me 3

52. Bright (Review Coming Soon)

51. Better Watch Out (now on Digital)

Fun, suspenseful, thrilling movie that brings a twist on the Holiday genre. Another one for Dacre Montgomery in 2017...this is a satirical horror, and is nothing like Home Alone as what you may have thought from the trailers.

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 90% My score - 3/5 Stars

50. The Fate of the Furious (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

49. Kong: Skull Island (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Do we need another King Kong reboot? No. Was the movie cool? Yes. This film also sets up to be a follow-up of 2014′s Godzilla and opens up to a monster universe franchise. 

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 76% My Score - 3.25/5 Stars

48. Murder On the Orient Express (2017) (now in theaters)

Probably the most A-List Ensemble cast of 2017 and directed and starred by Kenneth Branagh, this movie was lots of fun! I would recommend waiting for rental early in 2018 rather than seeing in theaters but without seeing the original film, this story will keep you guessing till the end on who did it!

IMDB - 6.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 60% My Score 3.5 Stars

47. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (coming soon to Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Just as fun as the first movie, excited for the third!

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 51% My Score - 3.5/5 Stars

46. Hush (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 94% My Score - 3.75/5 Stars

45. Lady Bird (Review coming soon)

44. Gaga: Five Foot Two (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

A peak into the life of the last two years of Gaga’s life recording and realasing her latest album “Joanne” leading up to her superbowl halftime performance. 

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 75% My Score - 3.75/5 Stars

43. Silence (now available on Digital and DVD)

42. Super Dark Times (now on Digital)

This has been the year of suspense/horror! This film is super dark (pun intended) and definitely a period piece that captures life for teens in the late 90s during the times of the Columbine shootings. Video Games do affect the brain y’all!

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 91% My Score - 4/5 Stars

41. Logan Lucky (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

The Redneck Ocean’s Eleven from the same director with dry humor. I enjoyed, definitely a must rent.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% - My Score - 4/5 Stars

40. Ingrid Goes West (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Brilliant film about people obsessed with instagram likes and revolving their whole world around social media. Reminds me of ABC’s The Bachelor/The Bachelorette pretty people. 

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 85% My Score - 4/5 Stars

39. The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

The fourth and final film of Adam Sandler’s four film Netflix contact, he FINALLY delivers. Meyerowitz has already won sever film festival awards and critics’ awards. I see Oscar nods for the future of this movie. Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson, Adam Sandler, and Ben Stiller all deliver in this melancholy dry-wit drama, definitely has a taste of Woody Allen in it.

IMDB - 7.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% - My Score - 4/5 Stars

38. Justice League (in theaters now)

37. Happy Death Day (review coming soon)

36. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

35. The Founder (now available to stream on NETFLIX, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

34. The Lego Batman Movie (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

33. Beauty and the Beast (2017) (now available to stream on NETFLIX, Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

32. John Wick: Chapter 2 (now available to stream on HBO GO/NOW, Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

31. American Made (now in theaters)

Based on the events of the life of pilot Barry Seal. Seal (Cruise) was an airline pilot recruited by the CIA to pilot for Pablo Escobar and the Medellin and Cali Cartel and monitor activity for the CIA. Ironic how one of Cruise’s best and one of his worst films can come out with in three months of each other. 

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 87% My Score - 4/5 Stars

30. Our Souls at Night (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

When three Hollywood legends like Jane Fonda, Robert Redford, and Bruce Dern are on screen together; it’s movie magic. Hands down, Netflix’s best original film to date. I’m throwing Oscar nods it’s way.

IMDB - 7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 91% My Score - 4/5 Stars

29. Goodbye Christopher Robin (review coming soon)

28. War for the Planet of the Apes

The final installment into the Caesar’s prequel trilogy, this is hands down the best Apes film of them all. Woody Harrelson plays the best antagonist in the Apes saga and this movie ends with you wanting more.

IMDB - 7.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% My Score - 4/5 Stars

27. Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri (review coming soon)

26. The Greatest Showman (now in theaters)

25. IT (2017) (now in theaters)

The reboot of the infamous clown that terrorized my childhood. Blows the original 1990 miniseries out of the water. I am so jacked up for the second installment as this film has made so much money that tells me that the all grown up versions of the characters will get an A List cast!

IMDB - 7.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 85% My Score - 4/5 Stars

24. Split (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

23. Wind River (now in Theaters, on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

No, this is not a Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olson), and Punisher (Jon Bernthal) spinoff...however it is one of the best thriller/suspense/murder mysteries to release in the last decade! The whole cast brings it on a story about a murder on a Native American reserve where the law can barely touch. 

IMDB - 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 88% My Score - 4.5/5 Stars

22. Hidden Figures (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

21. Blade Runner 2049 (now in theaters)

Not my 11th favorite movie of the year, but it deserves to be this high up on the list of “best films” to appreciate what the first Blade Runner did for film and the sci-fi genre as a whole. If you’re wanting a lot of Harrison Ford, this is not your movie, he doesn't show up until 1 hour and 55 minutes into the movie. Gosling is definitely the protagonist. They left it open for there to be third movie but I also think they left it open for us to imagine what comes next as if there will not be a third. All in all it was visually stunning and was a great script for the long awaited sequel 35 years in the making.

IMDB - 8.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes 87% My score - 4/5 Stars

20. Dunkirk (Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

My all time favorite director made another masterpiece. I can say that this was an attempt at story, not character which was a little shocking to say the least coming from Christopher Nolan! Harry Styles definitely stole the show with this one! Tom Hardy's character arc was my favorite story line out of the three narratives in the film. Definitely a Blu-Ray to buy for Christmas!

IMDB - 8.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 4.5/5 Stars

19. Spider-Man: Homecoming (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

read review in previous post here

18. The Big Sick (now available for stream on Amazon Prime, Digital, Blu-ray, DVD)

Hilarious and heart felt, this is the true biographical story of Kumail Nanjiani as portrayed by Kumail Nanjiani.

IMDB - 7.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 98% My Score - 4.5/Stars

17. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (now in theaters)

16. Patriots Day (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

15. Stronger (review coming soon)

14. Get Out  (now on digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

review posted here 

13. Darkest Hour (review coming soon)

12. The Disaster Artist (now in theaters)

11. Wonder Woman (now on digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

review posted here 

10. Baby Driver (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Filmed in Atlanta, takes place in Atlanta, shows off some hot spots in Atlanta I have been to on several occasions, I can say I have some bias on why this movie is so far up there. Unfortunately, this will probably be the last film of Kevin Spacey’s long career. I do enjoy his work, hate to hear who he is as a person though. Spacey did play a very minor role in this film. Arguably the best role of Jamie Foxx’s career, Ansel Elgort’s breakout performance and definitely throws 2015′s Live Action Cinderella’s Lily James as an A-List actor from here on out. Great film to watch in 4K as it is action packed, check this movie out now!

IMDB - 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% My score - 5 Stars

9. Brawl In Cell Block 99 (now on Digital)

Hands down, the best film of Vince Vaughn’s career. He should be nominated for the Academy Award. 180 from Wedding Crashers y’all, believe me. This film is exploding with hand to hand combat violence and acting like I’ve never seen from a comedic actor in my life. Probably the darkest action film this year next to LOGAN. I cannot say much more as I do not want to give the plot away, I think it’ll be the worth the watch if you don’t know much before watching the movie.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 5 Stars

8. I, Tonya (Review Coming soon)

7. Coco (now in theaters today!)

Pixar never disappoints as this is one of their best films yet! Heart-warming, fun, and full of laughter, I would say this is Pixar’s best film since 2015′s Inside Out! This Pixar instant classic will remind adults and show kids the importance of family (especially this time of year)!

IMDB - 9.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 95% My Score - 5 Stars

6. Thor: Ragnarok (now in theaters)

Now in my top three favorite MCU films EVER!! (next to Avengers and Iron Man) Ragnarok will make you pee your pants laugh as it is funnier than Guardians 2 from earlier this year and as it was directed by co-creator of HBO’s Flight of the Conchords Taika Waititi! Learning the movie was 80% improv by the actors made it this movie that much better. The entire cast from Hemsworth to Ruffalo to Blanchett, Thor finally gets the movie this superhero deserves.

IMDB - 8.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 5 Stars

5. Wonder (now in theaters)

Can’t...stop...crying. The feel good movie of the year. Ask my wife, I literally cried from the first five minutes to the last second of the movie. This film broke my heart in all the best ways. Wonder (based on the NY Times best selling fiction novel) is a very real story about boy with Treacher Collins’ Syndrome (facial deformities) starting public school in the 5th grade and everything that comes along with it for his family and friend’s as they walk through this journey with Auggie. One of the best takes on character I have ever seen in film. This picture will be nominated for several Academy Awards including best lead actor by none other than Auggie Pullman himself 2015′s Room’s Jacob Tremblay. I want to hug every kid in this movie, the entire ensemble cast was superb.

IMDB - 8.1 Rotten Tomatoes - 86% My score - 5 Stars

4. The Post (review coming soon)

3. Molly’s Game (review coming soon)

2. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

1. LOGAN (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

see review in previous post here.

and there it is fam - my top 50 list of 2017! Feel free to share, comment, and like! As the holidays are coming upon us this list will get updates and I will be posting single movie reviews as well! 

- Z

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #11

Here’s a good Reason to be Canadian

You Have The Right To Be Canadian II

                 Welcome to 2017, where feminism mean elitism (nothing new), racism means safety (an oldie but a goodie), and irony is a dear departed memory of our past (Like compassion, trust, and rationality). Now we could dwell on the socio-political nonsense the previous year had been, but that would be a bigger waste of time than the governor general pretending to not adore thick black cock. SO! Let us do our finest imitation of a 69-ing Tom Cruise and look forward… to the future… not David Miscavige’s alien-probed butthole. Today we take a trip down south to Canada’s biggest neighbor, the United States of America! Yes the land of the brave and the home of the free, or whatever, is Canada’s biggest trade partner, and very much our social sister. Take any Canadian, and simply remove everything altruistic and neighborly about them. Ta-Da! Instant American. Now I’ve had many people claim that our differences are obsolete and irrelevant, but I’ve also had Tom Mulcair look me dead and the eye and say his favorite food group wasn’t cum, so I have trust issues. Now I bring up the U.S. because of an incredible moment that was overlooked by some during the 2016 presidential election, which may well have defined the fate of both countries occupying North America. Before we bring up that subject, however, please allow a message from our sponsors…

                Quick ad read then to the laughs...

                Today’s reason to be Canadian is brought to you in part by “Shutting the fuck up!”. Are you full of rage and tears over the electoral decision of your country? Do you perhaps toss and turn every night over something somebody said that wasn’t perfectly in line with your predetermined beliefs? Are you by chance someone who identifies as a feminist? Are you Jenny McCarthy? Try “Shutting the fuck up!”!! “Shutting the fuck up” will provide you with all the time in the world to do things like; Checking the mail! Educating yourself on an issue! Appreciating how good you have it! Getting the fuck off of my twenty-dollar bill! “Shutting the fuck up” is the only service which will let you calm down and respect other peoples opinions! Try free today, or use the promo code “Hey, just because somebody disagrees with me doesn’t mean they’re evil” To receive the added benefit of no longer being a dick.  Now I hate ad reads as much as the next guy, but this is a service I truly believe in. Across the united states of America, there has emerged a group of people determined to de-throne the currently elected President, Daffy Trump. Daffy here has infuriated countless classes of clowns with his language and laughable political intent, causing many to protest and refute his right as an elected official. These guys we’ll call the Bald Eagles. Forewarning though, If you want to read in depth about the choices Daffy has made to create the Eagles, go watch John Oliver. I won’t lampoon Daffy for the same reason I won’t hunt an unarmed man. No Sport. If something is easy, it’s not worth doing. Ever jerked off? Easiest thing in the fucking world. Probably not going to share it at the dinner table. Ever fucked Justin Trudeau? No you haven’t because that shit is impressive and you would have told EVERYONE, and you wouldn’t have walked right for a week. Guys is packing heat. Seriously ask anybody, taking that dude is like playing ring toss with a hula hoop and the Eiffel tower. No way bud.

                   Everyone’s their own protagonist.

                Back on track to the Bald Eagles though, there is some comedy that wrote itself I’d like to point out. During his campaign, Daffy spoke how if the vote came out against him, he would not accept its results. Naturally this pissed off every self-respecting Bald Eagle living south of our border, as it should. A politician disregarding the very system designed to elect them is more dangerous than an armed Hillary Clinton on her period. Not that her love cave has cried red tears since 1984, but that’s irrelevant. Now the comical part of all of this is that Daffy won the election, and never needed to cast doubt on voting reliability at all! But what happens next? Bald eagles took to the streets and their Tumblr’s to repeatedly shout things like: “not my president!”, which was meant to resist and deny their new elected leader. If you haven’t noticed the irony yet, I hear buzzfeed has a new top ten list, maybe that’s more your reading level? I’ll spell it out though; Refuting the results of the election moments after you had judged a politician for doing just that is evidence enough to suggest you seek only an opponent to fight, not a cause worth fighting for. IF at this point you STILL haven’t picked up on the irony, let me then be the first to welcome you to Beaver-Time, Mike Pence. Fuck you, Mike Pence. This unfortunate trait of the Bald Eagles is not unique to them however. Look at what goes for feminism today; a bunch of glue sniffing self-identified “Victims” of the patriarchy. For fucks sake. There too, along with the “black lives matter” community (a bunch of chimpanzees that make even Martin Luther King blush) you can find hordes of people that fight careless to the cause. Don’t believe me? Go to any coffee shop within two kilometers of a university, and wait for somebody (ANYBODY) to voice an opinion, ANY opinion, and deny it for as long as you can without laughing. So that bitch thinks bunnies are cute? Take her down. Your mother was RAPED by a bunny god damnit. I mean all the bunny did was accidentally make eye contact while he was eating a carrot, but sill that is RAPE! Watch what happens. Their entire existence is now committed to how evil you are, how you are definable as negative as Hitler. Be sure to wear sunglasses and part your hair differently, because you are now the star of their blog. Oh my god aren’t you that guy form Allmenarepigs.org? Can I have an autograph?

                Onward to reality.

                I specify then rationalize the poor judgement of the bald eagles to be as fair to them as possible, because despite my jokes and jabs, they are incredibly important to me. Alex Jones knows how I feel, the guy is always having to bash the faggot community on his show, but tell me… have you ever seen him and Chaz Bono in the same room? I’m onto you Jones… Truth is, these bald eagles are going to help shape Canada in the years to come, which brings us to that fateful day in November. Once the vote began to turn toward the favor of Daffy’s republican Party, the Canadian government website dedicated to immigration crashed from over use. In that beautiful moment, bald eagles everywhere decided that their best bet was to flee the scene, and fly north for the winter. While these birds were publicly shamed across numerous sources of media, truth is, that was the right decision. If you live in a democratic state, you only have two options when a politician you don’t like is elected: deal with it, or fuck off. Canada says, for better results, fuck on. But spare a thought for the long-term ramifications of these migrants coming to Canada. Those infuriated by the election were the same people who valued equality and freedom. They may be confused about the best way to achieve these ideals, yet still they remain their central influences. So, these progressive, equality minded eagles come north, and what happens? Well, less and less of these great birds will occupy their native country, so more and more racist and sexist legislation will be allowed to exist. This will in turn provoke more eagles to come out of hiding and make the trip to Cancukville, and by now you can see the pattern. Within a decade, the divide between the progressive eagles and the regressive pigeons will no longer be a civil matter, but rather one dividing Canada, and the U.S.. Just as the lack of progressive minded people will slow the evolution of American politics, the surplus of these forward-thinking eagles will speed up Canada’s evolution. Daffy may be the final nail in the American coffin, but he alone will transform July 1st into an international holiday. But wait there’s more… The one real positive aspect Daffy provides is economic reform. He has promised to reset and kick-start the American financial system, yet this benefit is not exclusive to the states! Canada’s own market directly mirrors Americas own financial success. When they’re good, we’re good. When they’re bad, we’re still ok. So come to Canada, where you can enjoy every benefit, yet no punishment, from Daffy Duck’s administration. And don’t worry about all of this creating a country populated exclusively by people from 1945, if they get too rowdy, we’ll just build a wall on our southern border.

                But can people just come on over?

                   Oh yah, and travel will be a piece of cake. You know why? Even if for whatever reason you get turned down as an immigrant (you won’t) you can still get in as a refugee! How’s this? Well I’ll tell yah. American Government is like the strap on dildo Meryl Streep would use to butt fuck Bill O’Reilley. Looks like a dick… feels like a dick… makes him cum like a howler monkey….like a dick…but that aint no dick. I won’t go into detail, but here’s the problem: American government does not elect its leader based on the popular vote. When an American votes, they vote for who the STATE should vote for. If the majority of the state votes democratic, then the entire state is labeled as democratic, and a number of what’s called Electoral College Votes are given to the person who won that states majority. The problem here is each state has a different number of votes to give out, and the number of these votes IS NOT dependent on population. Meaning, that your vote means a lot less than somebody form a different state. Because of this system, Daffy was elected yes, but he lost the popular majority to his opponent. This means you hail from an oppressed country, and you can file for refugee immigration! Yay! If America was a true democracy, the white house would be staffed by a washed up half dead housewife that couldn’t even suck dick properly. But because of this unfairness, the leader of the country who thinks they are the leaders of the free world (they’re not), Is a sexist, racist, hypocritical liar. Please, come to Canada. You can do so much good here.

                Not that we’re perfect...

                   I throw these stones from the relative comfort of my glass house.  Canada is no more democratic than the U.S. Remember, we have the Senate. A group of cunts, who was elected by this one cunt, who in turn was elected only by this other cunt, who only has power because she was born into the right family. Now, it is legally treason for me to suggest that if anybody ever has the chance to give her the cobweb cleaning she deserves, to contract HIV first, so I won’t suggest it. Nor can I or anybody else ask that the next time she waddles out onto the taxpayer-funded palace gardens, that the closest person there do us all a favor and bounce a rock off her skull. Seriously, it’s illegal for me to ask you to do it! So please don’t hurt the queen. Besides, if you really wanted to kill her, you could just run for MP, put in a private member bill to separate from England, and at the ceremony that will be held to say goodbye, as you shake her hand, lean in and whisper, “Downtown Abbey isn’t very good”. Bitch will keel over right there.

                Welcome to the tribe!

                But enough of that dick-breathed sex-demon the union calls a queen (only queen I respect wants to ride their bicycle), and focus on the eagles immigrating. Like Kanye West’s first attempt at prostate probing, there will be some tension at first. The Bald Eagles themselves will feel intimidated, until they realize that even though they were always a symbol of America, Canada has way fucking more. Welcome home guys. There will be of course, Canadian tensions as well. We haven’t forgotten that these new additions are still the annoying as shit causeless rebels that haunt many attempts at progression, despite being progressively minded themselves. However, there is a fast and simple solution to instill some logic and empathy into our American friends. Try “Shutting the fuck up” free today.

Things to take back to the dam... 1. Utilize difference in opinion to make friends, not enemies. 2. Democratically elected officials should be respected. 3. Non-democratic elected officials should get off the twenty dollar bill. 4. Shut the fuck up a minute.