#yes I am aware the anniversary of his death in a movie was in the last few days

[ashleybenlove]

RIP Stoick the Vast, you would have hated reality tv.

[twistedtummies2]

Fifteen Days of Disney Magic - Number 8

Welcome to Fifteen Days of Disney Magic! In honor of the company’s 100th Anniversary, I am counting down my Top 15 Favorite Movies from Walt Disney Animation Studios! We're now halfway through the countdown! Today’s entry proves the quote, “The past is never dead. It isn’t even past.” Number 8 is…The Lion King.

If I had to make a few guesses, I’d say the most unorthodox things about my countdown would be the following: one, putting “Fun & Fancy Free,” of all films, in my Top 15. Two, only including one modern era Disney film in the ranks, and we’ll get to that one eventually, don’t worry. Three, not including “Beauty and the Beast” in my Top 10…and four, making “The Lion King” ONLY 8th place. Yes, I am aware that I am a blasphemous heathen who deserves to be hit with a stick. So sue me. Once again, I must stress, do not take the lower placement of “The Lion King” to mean I dislike the film. Because, obviously, I do not. I think the movie is one of the most epic features Disney has ever put out, and it’s not a surprise that so many people name it as one of their top five favorite Disney movies, or even their absolute favorite. It was one of the most successful features of its time, and for good reason. Combining elements of Shakespeare with earlier animated works, including the anime “Kimba the White Lion” and Disney’s own “Bambi,” and a lot of its own original material, “Lion King” was and still is a unique movie in the Disney canon. In some ways, I would argue it’s a little more adult than many other Disney films, although it still has plenty of elements that can appeal to children, or even to one’s inner child.

There are many things that make this film as “big” as it is. The visuals are sweeping and grand; even the most minor shots always seem to have a lot of punch to them. It takes great advantage of the colors and visual motifs of its natural African setting to create some of the most gorgeous images you’ll find in any animated movie. Practically every frame of this film, if you were to halt it in place, could make a perfectly composed picture; almost something you would want to hang up on your wall. From childhood innocence to the bitterness of adulthood, and everything in-between, it patterns the emotional and physical journeys of Simba beautifully. Hans Zimmer’s score is equally powerful; I feel this actually may be one of his most underrated soundtracks, since when most people think of his name, they probably think of his work with Christopher Nolan, or on franchises like “Pirates of the Caribbean,” and when most people think of music in the Lion King, they tend to think of the songs. And while the songs are great – REALLY great – I think that Zimmer’s score is equally applause-worthy, as it works with the imagery (and the splendid voice cast) to paint every character and scene expertly. However, when I rewatched the film, what struck me most was the overall message of the story. This is where I think it’s most adult elements show: not in the death of Mufasa, or the family struggles, but in its ultimate and most prominent theme. The film is ultimately about one person learning to overcome his own perceived past mistakes, and bring justice and truth to a world filled with lies. We have all made mistakes or wished to correct unjust situations, and I think that theme is just as powerful today as it ever was. For me, it is perhaps especially poignant; I have, more and more frequently, found myself dealing with old wounds and not-so-forgotten errors, and wishing I could find a way to correct all those terrible things I did or said. So I can relate to someone like Simba in a way that’s different from many other characters Disney has created. As far as its competition with “Aladdin,” "Peter Pan," and “Beauty and the Beast” can be concerned, Lion King ranks high on all counts. Using the criteria I named in my previous two entries on the countdown: Lion King certainly has a lot of nostalgic value for me, and I do tend to refer to it more than “Beauty and the Beast” in everyday situations. I’d say it and Aladdin are pretty evenly tied there. I also have a close connection to it in writing, since my commission work has led to me writing A LOT of stories set in the universe of this film and its later spin-offs. And while there aren’t AS many parts I’d like to play in the story, in terms of a stage version, the chance to be in it, or even to just SEE it, onstage would be absolutely fantastic beyond belief – something I’d look forward to more than either of the other two films it was competing with. Therefore, it tops them both…but not the other films yet to come. I'm going to be honest, before I close this out: this film actually rose in the ranks by a grand margin. Just as I fully expected to put Peter Pan at the top of the four-part stretch when I went in, I actually expected to put Lion King at either 9th or 10th place. But upon returning to it, and reflecting on everything it means to me and all its done for me, I realized just how special this film truly was. It's not enough to break it into the Top 7...but I think when you see what those seven films are, you'll understand that being 8th place is far from an insult to this film's colossal credit. The countdown continues tomorrow with my 7th Favorite Disney Movie! HINT: An Underrated Mouse-terpiece.

[marauderundercover]

Taking Chances Ch. 28: Summer Changes (School)

AO3

Prev

A week after the Disney movie marathon, Marinette was finally back on patrol. No thanks to her dad though. If it was up to him, she’d probably never patrol again. Luckily for her, (unluckily for him) her brothers were adamant on her coming back to the field. Which led to her current problem. Hanging upside down from a gargoyle near Wayne Enterprises.

“Ukht, what have you done?” Damian asks, and though she can’t see his face, she can tell by his voice that he’s exasperated. Join the club, she thinks, at least you’re not upside down.

“Why do you automatically think I did something?” She asks, trying desperately to turn around so that she can talk to him. It was really awkward talking to someone when you couldn’t see them but you knew they were near you.

“Because you are the one hanging upside down,” Damian says flatly. She huffs.

“It’s not like I want to be, Robin. It just kind of happened,” She says.

“And how exactly did it happen? I have never seen your yoyo betray you like that before. Not even in the videos when you were still very new.” Damian says, and she swears he’s smirking. He’s definitely laughing at her on the inside, and as much as she wants to be frustrated, she can’t. It wasn’t easy amusing her little brother (unless you were an animal) so she wasn’t about to ruin it.

“Hood made a bet relating to this exact gargoyle and I’d never been this way before and I just, I don’t know. Somehow I misjudged where my yoyo was going and next thing I know, I’m tied up and Hood is gone.” She says, sighing.

“Where did he go?” Damian asks.

“Over here so I could record the dumbass trying to untie herself.” Jason says with a snort, she manages to turn just enough so she can see him and stick her tongue out at him. He chuckles. “You’re the one who somehow tied herself up with a magic string, I’m just getting the proof so I can show Wonder Woman.” He says and Marinette’s jaw drops.

“You wouldn’t dare!” She screams, struggling against her yoyo, finally able to get the string to loosen slightly.

“Oh, I’d dare.” Jason says and Marinette just knows he has a huge smirk underneath his stupid helmet.

“But Wonder Woman is the coolest person ever and she can’t see me like this!” Marinette complains, trying not to grin when she feels the string start to move the way she needs it to. She ignores Jason’s next remark, instead focusing on the string and- yes! She free falls for a moment, laughing at her brothers’ panic before she swoops up and jerks Jason’s phone away from him.

“You little shit!” He calls after her, starting to chase her.

“You’ll get it back once I delete the videos!” She calls back, laughing as she continues swinging through Gotham, a warm feeling in her chest as she looks over the city that has quickly become her second home.

---

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” A voice screams, making Marinette jump out of bed with a yelp. She clutches her hand over her heart, glaring at her oldest brother.

“Are you trying to make sure I don’t make it past my fifteenth birthday?” She asks with a huff. Dick just grins.

“Happy birthday kiddo! I can’t believe you’re already fifteen!” He exclaims, picking her up in a giant hug. She wants to complain, ask him to let her down, but it’s nice, so instead she returns the hug the best she can. Until she glances out the window.

“Richard Grayson.” She says in a tone she usually reserves for enemies. She feels him stiffen, the hug turning into more of a restraint than a cuddle.

“Yes?” He says.

“Did you honestly wake me up, before the sun, because it’s my birthday?” She asks.

“Yes?” He says, his voice cracking slightly. She purses her lips and lets out a long sigh.

“Dad has a no killing rule.” She says, and suddenly she’s back on the ground.

“Oh would you look at the time, Mar’i needs another bedtime story loveyousomuchgottagobye.” Dick rushes out, practically sprinting out of her room. She just smiles and shakes her head. She’d learned intimidation tactics from Jason and Damian, who both claimed her size made her an easy target against bad guys. They were right, of course, so she was fine with a few extra lessons. Seems they were working. Deciding to call her Maman and Papa since she’s already awake, she frowns as it goes straight to voicemail. It would be nearly eleven in Paris, so the bakery shouldn’t be too busy. She quickly checks the Akuma Alert App to make sure she hadn’t missed anything while she slept. Nothing. So why weren’t they answering? She had assumed they would be waiting for her call since it was the first birthday she’d spent without them. Sighing, she lays back down on her bed, closing her eyes and trying to fall back asleep.

As she lays there, she frowns as a realization hits her. This was the anniversary of her birth mother’s death. Her mood instantly sours and her stomach churns. It was the first year that she could do something about it, the first year she could visit her grave. Quickly making a decision, Marinette throws on a pair of black leggings and an oversized black hoodie. Hopefully no one would spot her.

“Kaalki.” Marinette calls out quietly, not wanting to wake Tikki (who had somehow slept through Dick’s intrusion).

“Oooo, Guardian, are we sneaking out?” They ask, an amused smile on their face. Marinette frowns.

“Yes, but it’s for a good reason.” She says, and Kaalki snorts.

“Whatever the reason, I’m happy to be of assistance.” They reassure her. Marinette smiles and calls the transformation, opening a portal in the cemetery where her birth mother is buried. Her Maman had taken her once, right after telling her she was adopted. It was extremely hard to avoid being akumatized that day, and Marinette steels herself before dropping Kaalki’s transformation. Today would probably be even harder. Pulling the hood over her head to try and hide her identity, she glances around the cemetery, unsurprised to see the small place empty. Despite its small size, it was well taken care of, with beautiful trees adding shade and creating a melancholy feeling. Taking a deep breath, she walks over to the tombstone in the far corner, underneath the Willow tree. Bridgette Le. Died July 9th. Marinette barely notices the tears that start to form as she sits down, tucking her knees into her chest.

“Hi Mama. I-I’m sorry I haven’t really been by to see you much. Did you know I’ve been spending the summer with Dad? Sometimes, I wonder if you would’ve been okay with that. None of us really know why you left, why you didn’t tell him. I’m not blaming you, I just wonder if you would’ve been okay with me knowing him.” She talks, though she knows she’ll never hear a response. And she tries to pretend that fact doesn’t hurt her. “I have brothers. Four of them. They’re all great in their own ways, but they all also make me want to rip my hair out. Three of them are older, Damian’s younger than me. He kinda acts like a big brother at times though. And I have a big sister, Cass. She doesn’t say much, but she’s awesome. She’s in Hong Kong right now, so most of our conversations have been video calls. I have a niece, too.” Marinette stops, wiping furiously at her eyes. She didn't want to cry. At all. But knowing her birth mother would never be able to be part of her life, would never know any of these people like she did- it was hard.

“Guardian, please breathe.” Kaalki says, floating up to sit in front of Marinette’s face. Marinette blinks at the Kwami before listening to them. If they were worried, then Marinette was more lost in her head than she originally thought.

“And today’s my birthday. I was excited at first, and then I remembered the other thing that this day was. Remembered that it’s also the day you-” Marinette pauses, and grits her teeth. “I am so sorry, Mama. I am so sorry that I caused your death.” She chokes out, dropping her head onto her knees, trying to suppress the sobs threatening to break out of her chest.

“We need to go. Marinette, we need to go.” Kaalki urges, patting her cheek urgently. Marinette calls the transformation and falls through a portal, closing it quickly to keep the butterfly that was surely after her from following. She definitely didn’t need to test how far the victim had to be to be akumatized. The second she lands, she lets the transformation drop and the sobs break out.

“Shit Pixie.” Jason curses, and suddenly she’s wrapped in a warm hug, sobs tearing through her as she continues to apologize.

---

Jason Todd had been through a lot of weird shit. Waking up in a pool of green water after being fucking murdered by the Joker, was weird. Emotional baby sister falling through a portal into the room and sobbing? Also weird. But also heartbreaking. He grabs onto her and just holds her, desperately trying to give her some type of comfort.

“Shhhh, it’s okay Pix. I got you.” He mumbles, holding her close. Damian rushes in, sword drawn, face scrunched up when he sees them. Jason shakes his head, this wasn’t something that they could fix with a sword. He wasn’t exactly sure why his baby sister was crying so hard, but he had caught a couple of muffled apologies, so whatever it was, he didn’t think it was something that he (or Damian) could kill. Or, rather, maim, since she was against murdering people that were against her for some reason.

“Has anyone seen Mars, she’s not in her room-” Replacement starts, freezing as he walks into the room.

“Excellent situational awareness, Drake.” Damian mutters, glaring at him. Jason shoots both of them a glare, now was not the time to be fighting. Especially since the kid’s other parents were on their way to celebrate her birthday. If they showed up and she was sobbing, they’d take her home and never let them see her again. And Jason was NOT going to let that happen.

“Anyone know if M’s decided to not kill me yet?” Dick asks, walking into the room with a huge grin that falls the second he sees what’s happening. Jason resists the urge to roll his eyes. Apparently none of his brothers could read a fucking room. Instead of staying at the edge of the room like Damian and Tim, Dick walks over.

“Hey kiddo, it’s okay. We’re here.” He says softly. The kid pulls away from him, though he can tell it’s a little reluctantly, before launching herself at Dick, her sobs starting to die down. Jason lets out a short huff, running his fingers through his hair as he tries to think of what could have set her off. There were no akuma alarms, but she fell out of a portal. Which means she was out of the manor when she got upset. He watches as Dick pats her hair gently and whispers to her. God, he’s such a dad. Then again, he’s been mother henning him and their other brothers for years, so it’s not really a surprise.

“I’m sorry guys.” Marinette says suddenly, her voice small as she stays hidden in Dick’s arms.

“No need to apologize, Pixie Pop.” Jason reassures her. She finally pulls away from Dick and Jason’s heart, honest to god breaks at the broken look on her face.

“She died in childbirth, you know.” She whispers, and suddenly it makes sense. Why she was sitting there sobbing on her birthday, why she’d fallen out of a portal.

“That is not your fault.” Damian says firmly, walking over and standing face to face with Marinette, something Jason knew annoyed the girl. Damian was two years younger, but a little taller than her. She didn’t seem to mind now, though.

“But it was. If I hadn’t been born-” She starts and Jason frowns at the thought.

“The world would be a much shittier place.” He says with finality, not leaving room for her to argue. “Pix, you’re amazing, and the world would really suck without you. Never be sorry you were born.” Jason says firmly, stumbling slightly when she launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

“Thank you Jay.” She mumbles, and he can tell she’s crying again, but this time it’s not sobs, so he thinks it’s fine.

“Come on, let’s all watch a movie.” Repla- Tim suggests and Jason raises an eyebrow at the idea, briefly wondering what kind of movie he’d pick. They all pile on the giant sectional that Bruce had bought specifically for impromptu movie nights as Tim sticks the DVD in. Jason just snorts as the title card for “The Addams Family” comes on, settling back in the couch, ready to watch one of the greatest movies ever.

---

“Thank you again for flying us out here for her birthday.” Sabine says, smiling at him. Bruce returns the smile and nods.

“Of course, thank you for letting her spend the summer here. I know she’s appreciated the break from her classmates.” He says, his smile quickly fading at the confused look on both Sabine and Tom’s faces.

“What do you mean?” Tom asks.

“Marinette hasn’t told you?” Bruce asks, suddenly regretting bringing it up. Why hadn’t she said anything? They were her parents too. Sure, she’d made it clear they couldn’t know about Ladybug, but her class wasn’t a hero problem. They were a civilian problem.

“We knew that she wasn’t hanging out with them as often, and that she didn’t talk about her class as much as she used to. We just assumed that she was busy.” Sabine says, her face a mixture of sadness and anger.

“My apologies, I assumed she’d talked to you.” Bruce says, feeling as if he had crossed a line. Would they be mad at him, for her telling him something she hadn’t told them?

“She’s always looking out for others first,” Tom finally sighs, a tired smile on his face. “She probably thought she was saving us from being akumatized.” Bruce’ jaw clenches. Had Marinette really suffered in silence to avoid being forced to fight her parents?

“We can continue this conversation later, right now we should focus on her birthday.” Sabine says, placing a hand on Tom’s arm. He nods and Bruce makes a note to talk to the two about the possibility of her switching schools.

“She’s probably in her room.” Bruce says, leading the two towards the stairs.

“Actually, Master Bruce, the children are all in the informal sitting room. I believe they snuck down to have a movie night after Master Dick woke Miss Marinette to wish her a happy birthday.” Alfred says, Bruce watches his face and knows that’s not all, but doesn’t press. It had to be something that he couldn’t talk about in front of the Dupain Cheng’s.

“Of course they did. Thank you, Alfred. Alfred, this is Sabine Cheng and Tom Dupain, Marinette’s parents. Tom, Sabine, this is Alfred Pennyworth. He’s the man who raised me.” Bruce says, smiling at him. The three exchange pleasantries and soon Bruce is leading the two to the sitting room. He pushes the door open gently, careful not to let it slam. He spots a sword on the floor near Damian and quickly grabs it, moving it away. If he was woken up suddenly, he would still panic and attempt to fight his way out.

“She looks so peaceful.” Sabine whispers, and Bruce smiles, a genuine smile, he didn’t have to fake a smile when most of his children were together and safe and happy. Or, quiet, at least. It was rare.

“I’ve found them like this several times.” Bruce admits, pulling out his phone to show the two all of the pictures he’d taken of the kids piled together sleeping. Sabine and Tom smile widely at the pictures and Bruce quickly sends them their favorites.

“B, I swear to god, I can sense you in here. Let us sleep.” Jason mumbles grumpily.

“Sorry Jason, Marinette’s parents are here so it’s time to get up.” Bruce says, amused at the way his son’s hair was attempting to defy gravity. Jason looked around sleepily, waved lazily at Sabine and Tom, and then collapsed back on the couch. Bruce sighs. “Would the two of you like to have a cup of coffee while we give them a few more minutes to sleep?” He offers.

“That would be lovely.” Sabine says, and Bruce leads the two to the kitchen, hoping Tim (who had sat straight up after Jason flopped down) would take the hint and wake up the others.

---

Marinette sighs happily as everyone sits down at the table for dinner. The day had been amazing, despite the rough start. And her Dad had even flown her Maman and Papa out to spend the day with her. They couldn’t stay for long, they had the bakery to run after all, but it was still nice to see them. Marinette glances at the end of the table where a place was set, but no one sat.

“What’s with the extra plate?” Jason asks, turning to Alfred who was sitting in the chair next to it instead of his regular seat.

“It is for Miss Le.” He says, and she can almost feel everyone freeze. Her throat tightens, but she still smiles at him with watery eyes.

“Thank you, Alfred.” She says quietly. He nods.

“You are quite welcome, Miss.” He says. She clears her throat and looks back at her Maman, noticing that her smile was also a little sad. It had been all day, but Marinette was certain it wasn’t anything to worry about. Bridgette had been close with her Maman, surely she was just mourning her today, openly for the first time in a long time.

---

Marinette groans at whoever is trying to wake her up.

“Five more minutes.” She mutters, burrowing deeper under the covers. It was summer break, why wouldn’t anyone let her sleep?

“Come on sweetheart, your Papa and I want to talk to you and Bruce.” Her Maman says, and she immediately sits up. Was she in trouble? Had her Maman figured out the whole Batman thing? Had she figured out the Ladybug thing?

“Uh, okay.” She says, sliding out of bed and stepping into slippers. She wasn’t sure how serious the conversation was, but since her Maman didn’t stop her from walking out of the room in her pajamas, she relaxed slightly. It couldn’t be that serious, right? She follows her Maman into her Dad’s study, glancing wearily at the clock in the corner. Her Maman was often too observant. Hopefully she didn’t notice anything odd about the clock. They all sit in silence for an entire minute until Marinette can’t handle it anymore.

“Am I in trouble?” She asks hesitantly, looking between her parents’ faces.

“Of course not, we just- We noticed how different you are.” Her Maman says and Marientte frowns, furrowing her eyebrows. Different? She was different?

“How?” She asks.

“You’re happier than I’ve seen you in months honey. Your smile reaches your eyes, you talk freely, you seem peaceful.” Her Maman says softly, and Marinette blinks in surprise. Had she really been so easy to read in Paris? Had her parents really been able to tell? She’d wanted to hide it from them, not let them see how everything was piling on her, crushing her. She didn’t want to worry them.

“What do you- how-” She stumbles over her words, trying to figure out where she messed up.

“We didn’t know why until we talked to Bruce.” Her Papa says and she turns to glare at her Dad, feeling a little betrayed. He holds up his hands in surrender.

“Marinette, you didn’t tell me not to tell them about your class.” He reminds her, and she huffs.

“Guess we can cross mind reader off the list of things you can do.” She mumbles, making her Papa snort.

“It wasn’t just that though. We’d seen how restrained you had become, how you never went out with friends and you stopped talking about them.” Her Maman says softly. Marinette grits her teeth, hugging herself to try and hold herself together.

“I didn’t want to worry you.” She says, her voice barely audible. That wasn’t the main reason though. She didn’t want to fight her parents, and if they knew everything going on with Lila, they’d definitely be akumatized. She couldn’t fight them. Not if she could help it.

“What would you say about transferring schools?” Her Maman asks suddenly, and Marinette jerks her head up, looking at her with wide eyes. Transfer schools? It would be great, amazing, fantastic, but- but her classmates would still come to the bakery. Still give her the same odd looks they’d been giving her since they found out that she’s a Wayne.

“What school?” She asks, because yes, that makes a difference. Chloe had transferred schools not long ago, and Marinette did not want to trade Lila for Chloe. She’d rather not deal with either of them, if she was being honest.

“Gotham Academy.” Her Maman says, and Marinette feels lucky that she wasn’t drinking anything, because she would have definitely done a spit take. Gotham Academy? As in, live in Gotham year round? What-

“Are you giving me up?” She asks, suddenly hurt. Her Maman’s eyes widen and her Papa pulls her into a giant hug.

“Of course not honey.” He says, rubbing her back gently and squeezing her lightly.

“We asked Bruce if he thought Gotham Academy would be a good school for you. He offered to let you fly home some weekends, and any of the breaks you want. Or to fly us out here if you have time off school. You don’t have to say yes, and you don’t have to make a decision right now.” Her Maman reassures her as her Papa lets her go. Marinette turns to look at her Dad, his face unreadable.

“Would you really be okay with that?” She asks, and he nods.

“We all just want you to be happy, Marinette. Wherever that may be. And we’re all willing to work together to do that.” He says and she smiles, letting out a soft sigh.

“I- I’d need to think about it a little more,” She says, running through the idea in her head. It seemed perfect, besides the whole ‘bouncing back to Paris for attacks’ thing. But she’d been doing it all summer, it had been fine so far. And maybe, maybe, Hawkmoth would even be defeated by the end of summer. No matter what, things were changing and Marinette was trying her best to keep up.

Next

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[soul-dwelling]

Have you heard something about Ohkubo being racist? I saw some twitter links, which due to personal reasons I cant check for myself, but otherwise couldnt find anything on.

Shared September 18, 2021

I've sat on this question for a long time, and yet my answer will still be incomplete. As I am white, I want to be aware of the white privilege I have, and I anticipate I am going to give a response that fails to address certain topics and concerns--and is just going to be flat-out wrong in a lot of parts. I anticipate I will get things wrong below, I don't like that, but I want to be open to reading more and figuring out what I'm getting wrong so I can fix what I get wrong. And I want to learn from any responses I receive--so I encourage any responses, and I will read and consider them.

At the time when I received this question, I was not aware of any Twitter links regarding accusations of Ohkubo being racist. Despite being a huge fan of Soul Eater, this was something I was unaware of, and I was purposefully ignoring--because I was ignoring any discourse around Fire Force, not around Ohkubo or Soul Eater in general. While I have followed what Soul Eater stuff is out there, I have purposefully avoided a lot of Fire Force content since the anime was announced--including muting any Fire Force stuff on Twitter. While I do not regret avoiding Fire Force stuff (there is only so much annoyance I can take from that franchise), I do regret overlooking this discussion around racism in Ohkubo’s works, I regret that, and I apologize for overlooking it right now--and in the past.

Because I have overlooked racist elements in Ohkubo’s prior works, including in Soul Eater, including on this very blog. I don’t think apologizing is enough, and I am determining what steps I can take to handle this better--and that starts with acknowledging the racist elements in his works. I think some have unfortunate implications that need to be debated.

For example, one Twitter remark I read asked why the South American meister had to be Enrique instead of a human. (And, I anticipate, how that leads to its own set of unfortunate implications, associating being from South America to being a monkey, regardless Tezca, his visual conceit, and his powers being derived from, not South American cultures only or exactly, but from Aztec and indigenous Mexican cultures.) I don’t think adding Enrique as a meister is bad, when the joke works; I think adding Enrique, and not more South American human characters, is a problem, and when your one South American meister is a non-human animal, when no other meister in the series, especially of a Death Scythe, has been a non-human animal, this is going to stick out and be offensive. I have seen and written stories with animals as meisters to weapon partners; it is a great idea, having Enrique be that character is great, but it is a missed opportunity that erases a spot where a person of South American could have been. Having Tezca as one such South American person helps, but again, this is a missed opportunity.

As an aside, this also opens up unfortunate implications to having Black Star being mistaken by Liz as a monkey, given headcanon I’ve seen from fans about Black Star’s identity with regard to Japanese ethnicities and the fact that Black Star does have dark skin.

And another set of Twitter remarks focused on the stylized designs to the band playing at the DWMA Anniversary Party (and here). Regardless whether stylization was used on white characters in that scene, the stylization on the Black characters who were performing in the band is drawing upon a history of racist images (the lips on drummer and cellist) and is racist. I’ll get to this later, but I agree with this remark that it’s bizarre that Ohkubo did this despite what he has done well with inclusiveness amongst his cast. And like I’ll also say later, it’s like me sitting here thinking “How could he do so well at writing a girl lead like Maka in an action series, then fail so badly writing Tamaki in his follow-up series?” My pathetic answer is that no creator is perfect, they make mistakes--and it becomes infuriating when they screw up so badly and don’t seem to learn from that screw-up, don’t show regret, don’t fix what they broke, and don’t improve. I’ve ranted enough here on this blog that I don’t think Ohkubo has grown with his audience: I think he keeps making the same immature mistakes (immature in terms of his craft, immature as well in terms of his humor).

And since I did bring up the monkey remarks about Enrique and Black Star, there are the major sets of discourse around racism in Ohkubo’s works, that being Maka referring to Sid, who is Black, as a gorilla (not to mention “thuggish”), and Shinra in Fire Force referring to Charon, who has dark skin, as a gorilla.

Regardless the excuses made (“racism in Japan is not the same as racism elsewhere”--which, no, fuck that, people globally including in Japan know the racist associations made where being Black or brown is associated by racists with non-human primates), I don’t get why no one, from Ohkubo to his editors to distributors to audiences including me, do not say more about this racist detail.

And I don’t get why no editor or localization staff bothered to change it. I have not sat through the Fire Force dub, but I hope someone working at localization changed the line. (It’s one thing to change a subtitled line and avoid something offensive at the cost of accuracy in translation, including accurately translating content even when it’s awful, or else you’re just covering up for the awfulness in the original work. But it’s another thing to not revise the line for dubbing, when you should have more flexibility in that kind of adaptation.)

(And that’s not getting into casting white actors as Black characters in the Soul Eater dub, but I hope I can address that another time with more depth should Soul Eater ever get a continuation or a re-dub...which, given how enough of the original dub cast have fucked over their careers and revealed their abusiveness and toxic bullshit in their personal lives, either a new anime or a new dub sounds good right about now.)

The responses to this criticism have been to rightly point out that Ohkubo does include numerous varied portrayals of Black characters (also here and here and here), drawing upon Black identities from the United States and Africa, especially for characters like Kilik and Ogun. But, me personally, pointing out what is done well does not negate what is done badly. (And yes, just because I think Maka Albarn is a great representation of a girl character in shonen doesn’t negate how Ohkubo fucked up with Chapter 113 and all of Tamaki in Fire Force).

As a creator, you’re supposed to fix what you did wrong, you don’t distract from what you did wrong by doing something else well later. You fix the character in front of you, not only make new characters and let that distract the audience from what you did wrong. You fix Sid (which, for me, means some potential adjustments to character design and not calling him a freaking gorilla); you don’t distract by creating Kilik and Ogun. You fix Tamaki (give her more to do, don’t make every joke around fanservice, stop fucking sexualizing a 17-year-old); you don’t distract by pointing to Maka or Maki. That’d be like me excusing something I did wrong in one set of responsibilities by asking you to look at something good I did: that doesn’t fix what I did wrong by mistake. Asking people to “leave the medium” is not helping: this is a debate, you get to watch something, you get to decide for yourself whether you think something is racist or misread, I’m not up for gatekeeping people to block them from either criticizing something or enjoying something.

And while your enjoyment of something can reflect on your values (if you keep liking jokes calling Sid a gorilla, what does that say about you?), I said “can,” not “does,” it is by context and debate (you can enjoy slasher movies without being a serial killer, etc).

I wish I had something more meaningful to say, and I don’t like that I don’t. I want to be a better ally, but just being aware that there are racist elements to this series, and just stating awareness, is not sufficient for me. It’s one reason why my focus is on uplifting fan content that does far better at handling inclusiveness and representation in this series. But my focus has been on representations of gender in the series--and that is my fault for not doing more to focus on representations of race and ethnicity, and I wish my apology would be enough, and it’s not, so I’m trying to figure out what I can do that is better. I will read feedback to do better.

[eveningstar1516]

Memory Lane

Also based off an animation card, Solomon’s to be exact. Pretty much, “What if Lillith was Solomon’s unrequited lover and how did Barbatos enter a pact with him?” 

Warnings: Major Character Death, Angst, Graves, Fire, Demonic Pacts, Pining, Sacrifice Relationships: Solomon x Lilith, Lilith x Random Person

“Thank you Julia” 

 “Of course Solomon. Say hi to her for me, alright?”

 “Yeah, sure...” Solomon left the flower shop and made the walk down to the southeast end of the city. The sun had just started to set as people closed up their shops and headed home for the day. The walk there was quiet save for the lingering couples making the most out of the final hours of daylight. Reaching his destination, he made his way up the hill and towards the old Sakura tree planted. He stood in front of it, memories playing a movie.

Way too long ago

Her laughter echoed through the park. The wind carrying it all around. Sitting with her lover and enjoying each other’s company. Solomon watching from a distance. Heart twisting with each bought laughter not brought by him. 

 ~ 

“I’m sorry, but your husband’s not going to have much longer.” Her cries as the doctor gave the diagnostic. He was to be leaving her soon. Her efforts, although she would never know of them, in vain. His life prolonged only for as long as possible, but humans were not immortal beings. They all had to leave eventually.

 ~ 

The fire was an accident. That’s what the authorities say, but Solomon knew better. He wasn’t the one that caused it, but he did see the arsonist flee. His focus however, was not on the criminal, but the lady in his arms. Her body badly burnt. Her breathing became more shallow as she wheezed her breaths. Solomon had casted a small boundary spell to keep the smoke at bay while he tried to heal her body. However, he was unfocused. His mind clouded with thoughts of loosing her three off his concentration. His own body had suffered the extent of the fire. Soon, he himself would need assistance, but she was more important.

His spell failed. The boundary broke apart and smoke filled both their lungs. Through the smoke and shadow, a tall figure emerged. A split tail followed close behind. Skeletal fingers grew out of the sides of his head. Solomon recognised the demon. He knew he only had one chance of saving the both of them.

“It seems you have gotten yourself in quite the predicament sorcerer. I wonder, what path shall you take from here? Would you have me save the woman in your arms? She’s barely clinging onto life as is? Or will you have me save yourself, as is the selfish nature of human kind.” 

Solomon looked between the demon and the woman in his arms. He knew his fate, but needed to make sure that she didn’t share the same. 

“Her. Save her, please. She doesn’t deserve my sentence. My fate be dammed, save her!” 

The demon smiled for he already knew the sorcerer’s decision before he had even been summoned.

“Very well then. I am quite certain you are aware of the requirements for me to do so, yes?” 

“Yes”

“As my Master commands” 

 ~

Solomon opened his eyes again and kneeled down by the trees roots. The sky had taken on an orange hue. The wind danced around him, ruffling his hair and causing some of the flower petals to fly off in the breeze. Placing the white flower down, he shed some tears. Hope that one day, her soul would find its way home. Love for the woman who loved another. A woman he could not have. And yet, he still mourns her, just as any lover would. Closing his eyes, he let the tears fall. 

Today was the anniversary of that fire. The day he made his pact with Barbatos. And the day he lost her. Now here he was, kneeling by her headstone, placed in front of a tree planted just for her. 

The grave sight, of “Lilith Morningstar”

[multific]

Special Girl

Tom Holland x Mute!Reader

Summary: After an awful accident, you learnt how to deal with the consequences , and soon, you found happiness, or did happiness found you?

Warning: mention of an accident, death but I promise this is cute overall

Words in italics are what the reader is writing or signs.

A/N: Just a little something for you guys! I hope your week is going well! Enjoy~

You were able to speak at one point in your life. Your family often say that they miss your laugh and voice.

You still remember that day.

The day that changed your life forever.

The day that took your voice.

You were in the car with your uncle and aunt since you were at their place for the weekend, you were only fourteen.

You remember as the car passed a shop than it came to a stop due to a red light. Then you heard voices, nothing more. A big force pushed you forwards and then you remember spinning.

When you woke up, you were in a hospital bed. Your mother and father was by your side, crying, and happy that you were finally up, and alive.

They explained the situation as best as they could, a car ran into the car you, your uncle and aunt was in, making the car move into the junction as a car forcefully hit you. Both your aunt and uncle died during the impact. You had several head injuries but the worst was yet to come.

Your mother couldn’t tell you due to crying, neither could your father, a lovely nurse came in who explained that a part from the other car nearly stabbed you through your throat, and it made you lose your vocal cords. At that time you didn’t know, but it was on that night you were destined to lose either your life, or your voice.

And now, you were happy that it was the latter.

Sure, you went through a lot. Anger, disappointment more anger and depression. Especially during your teenager years. But now, as you got older, you learnt to live with it and to love yourself like that.

Obviously you learnt sign language as soon as you recovered from the hospital. But since not many people knew sign language, you were left to either text or the good old paper and pen.

But this never stopped you. You were determined to finish collage and get a decent job.

You learnt literature. Since you weren’t able to speak anymore, you learnt a new form of communication and you always admired the poems and writers for being able to do that so naturally.  

You started your career as a writer for a magazine. Since it wasn’t a huge, well-known one, you were able to write (for the most part) what you wished for. But that didn’t really work out, so you quit.

You decided to teach.

There was an organization that worked with mute, blind and deaf people. So, you became a sign language teacher for young children and adults that suffered the same faith as you. And it also comforted them that you went through the same struggle as them.

It wasn’t the best paying job, but at least you had a job that you had a passion for.

Sadly, you never had a real boyfriend, it seemed to you like they didn’t had the time and patience for you. They soon got tired of you texts and messages, even if they knew from the beginning what they were in for.

Little did you know that was about to change.

You were informed by your friends at work that a movie star was to come and spend some time with the children. Kind of like a charity event, it would also make people aware of the situation these kids are in and attract possible donators.

As soon as you were told that the star of the new Spider Man movie would come, you knew who he was.

Tom Holland.

Aka the cute and sexy young actor.

You loved the Marvel movies and to be able and meet or at least see one of the cast members, it was like a dream come true to you.

The next day came quicker that you expected it to.

And soon enough there he was, cameras surrounded him for most of the time. But about an hour or so into his visit, they turned off the cameras, claiming that they have enough footage, and almost everyone left, except for Tom and his assistants. They were still in the room with the children. Tom was only a few feet apart from you talking to Stacey, a lovely little girl who you have been teaching.

You heard him asking her about her favourite colour but Stacey was a rather shy little girl, and you decided to help her open up a little bit. You went over to the table the two was sitting at, Tom looked up at you and you gave him a smile and a wave. Then you looked at Stacey and got her attention.

“Did you know that he has a big secret?” this made the five year old look at Tom then back at you.

“What is it?” she signed and you could clearly see how interested she got.

“Ask him.” you signed and waited. Tom looked a bit confused between the two of you then he saw the little girl started writing.

You secret?

Said the paper.

“You’d like to know my secret?” this confused Tom, what secret was this little girl talking about. In his confusion he turned to the first person that was close to him, which happened to be you sitting in front of him on the other side of the table. You tried to help him, so you quickly drew a small sketch of a spider and then pointed at him. Just like a bulb had been switched on, Tom understood.

“Well, little one, you have to promise me something first.” the little girl eagerly nodded. “You can not tell this to anyone, got it?” she nodded again. Then Tom got the paper from her and wrote on it.

I am Spider Man.

As soon as Stacey read it, she grabbed the sheet, gave Tom a big hug and ran over to you.

“He told me.” she signed. “Look.”

And surely enough she showed you his writing. But before you could react she was running off again to who knows where. As you looked after her you heard Tom’s voice.

“So much about the promise.” you smiled but didn’t look at him. You wanted to stand up and look after the other kids and help you co-workers, but you needed something. “Thank you.” you heard his voice. “For helping me.” you nodded and gave him another smile. He didn’t know this but you signed him a ‘You are welcome.’

You put the paper that you drew the small spider and on and you motioned him so sign it for you, which he did. After that you wanted to stand and leave but he started talking again, and you’d be a fool to leave such a cute, yet handsome man alone.

“So, you are… you can’t talk, right?”

You nodded your head, yes.

“How do you communicate then?” You assumed that he meant those people who didn’t understand sign language so you gestured to him to your phone and to a piece of paper.

“How rude of me! My name is Tom, you might already know that since you work here and you were probably told, but I wanted to introduce myself properly. What’s your name.” you found it cute, he looked taken aback, almost scared, other people did this when they spoke to you for the first time too. But with him, it was rather cute.

You got another paper and wrote your name.

Y/N Y/L/N.

“Y/N.” as he said it aloud, your heart skipped a beat. With his accent it sounded so right. “Nice to meet you.” you nodded once and smiled. He wrote something under your name and then said. “I’m sorry but I will have to go now. It was nice meeting you, though.”

You stood up with him as he gave you the paper, and with a small wave and possibly the cutest smile ever, he walked away.

When you couldn’t see him anymore you looked at the paper he gave you and saw a phone number on it.

***

That is how your love started. 

It started by texts then the dates came. And you found out that Tom is not like any other man. 

He was patient with you, and he would never hurt you. Even when you told him about your past attempt of dating, he assured you, that he would never. And he really wasn’t like them. He was something else, in a good way, he always called you, “My Special Girl” at first you hated it, it made you feel like you weren’t right, but you soon understood his words and realized that he meant it in a good way. 

And from then on, you truly felt special. 

It was now that you met three years ago and it was your anniversary, Tom liked to celebrate the day he met you.

Your life completely made a turn for the better with him. You still had the same job, since you loved helping others, but now you had a rock, someone to go home to.

And the best part?

Tom came with a nice extra, the cutest dog on Earth, Tessa.

Sometimes he would joke about how you love your dog more than him. And it wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. You love for Tessa was different than your love for your boyfriend.

During the time you spent with Tom, he learnt and picked up a few signs, just the basics, but he was getting better and better. He always wished that he would have more time to completely understand your every word, but with his schedule, basics had to do.

It was the middle on the night and the two of you just finished a long session of….loving.

“Where are you going?” he asked you still out of breath.

“To shower.” you signed to him.

“Let me join.” and he did. Although you predicted that he might want to continue in the shower, he never went further than a few heated kisses.

Soon, you found yourself cuddled up, head on his chest as he stroked your back. You always loved to sleep while listening to his heart beat.

“Where should we go tomorrow?” he asked. “I have the weekend off, so I’m completely yours.

You thought about it for a few minutes than signed.

“Zoo.”

“What is this?” he repeated your movements.

Instead of trying to explain by acting it out to him, you used your finger as if it was a pen and “wrote” on his skin.

“Oh, the zoo? Sure.”

“Let’s call your family too.”

“Family? You want my family to come?”

You only nodded.

“Sure, I’ll call Mum in the morning.” he said and he pulled you back onto his chest.

“Let’s sleep now. I love you, Darling.”

“I love you too” you signed to him.

You went to sleep with the thought of how amazing the next day will be. With the love of your life and his family who adored you.

A/N: I thought there there wasn’t enough fanfiction with mute readers, so, I came up with this idea. Hope you all like it!

Taglist: imreadinggoaway fleursirvart  v-2bucky ehsebastian  crunch-time-sports pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmiler smexylemony greenarrowhead feelingsareharddd thisismysecrethappyplace sincerelyfan theoneanna aestheticsandmarvel rororo06 castellandiangelo avengers-r-us

~Masterlist~

My taglist is open!

Feedback means EVERYTHING to me, so please take the time and tell me how you liked my story. Thank You~

[alj4890]

Love Prompt

(Thomas x Amanda) with the prompt "Let me take care of you." As requested by @twin-skltns

(Thomas Hunt x oc* Amanda) taken from the And Then Met You storyline.

A/N thanks to @krsnlove for helping me think of circumstances for sickness with these two. That writer’s block was killing me.

 @alleksa16 @penguininapinktuxedo @blackcoffee85 @stopforamoment @fullbeaumonty @cocomaxley @darley1101 @hopefulmoonobject  @krsnlove @littleblossom357   @annekebbphotography  @gibbles82 @cora-nova @bella-ca @hopelessromantic1352. @sunflowergirl05 @desiree-0816 @greywitchyshots @lilyofchoices @emceesynonymroll @dr-nancy-house @pixieferry  @lolablackwrites 

Masterlist

In Sickness and Health

"Bless you." Holly took a cautious step away from Addison after the five sneezes in a row.

"Sorry." Addison pulled her cardigan closed and shivered. A few coughs slipped out and she reached for her mug and took a big sip of the fresh, hot coffee.

"You sound miserable. Why don't you go home?" Holly gently patted her back.

"And miss helping Thomas plan his surprise?! I have to know what he has in store for Amanda." She started coughing again and laid her head on her desk. 

Thomas walked in and paused. "Ms. Sinclaire, go home." He set his mug down on her desk and shook his head when she began to argue. "Go. Home. I need you healthy if we are to start filming in two weeks."

She sighed and stood up. "I expect a full report with pictures of what you have in store for your first anniversary."

Holly gathered her things to drive her home. "Do you need me to return, boss?"

"No. Go ahead and enjoy a long weekend off." Thomas picked up his coffee and sipped. He grimaced at the large amount of sugar in it and realized he had picked up Addison's. He poured it out and picked his cup up.

"Don't forget, Amanda's flight is due at six tomorrow evening." Holly reminded on the way out.

"I believe I am more than capable of remembering my wife’s flight arrival.” He muttered.

“Can’t I get a hint of what you have planned before I die from this wretched cold?” Addison asked between sneezes.

Thomas rolled his eyes and escorted them to the door. “I’m taking her to dinner and honoring what is typically given on a first anniversary.”

She blew her nose and coughed some more. “Paper? Your big surprise is paper?” 

“Yes. Good afternoon ladies.” He herded Addison along. She sighed and followed Holly. 

“Thomas, please tell me you have something other than paper for Amanda. She is a duchess for goodness sake! You can’t give her a piece of paper.”

“I’m not.” He began to shut the door as his lips curved. “I’m giving her several sheets of paper.”

That evening he finished his surprise and left the room that had been converted into a study for Amanda to use when writing. He swallowed and grimaced at the scratchy sensation. He made a pot of coffee and turned the fan off at the brief chill he felt. He took his cup into the theater room and pulled one of the fuzzy blankets Amanda insisted were needed for movie nights around him. He started watching 1945′ s Leave Her to Heaven, since his wife insisted he needed to watch it and be grateful he had the type of wife he had. His lips curved when he realized the beautiful Gene Tierney was wracked with evil, malicious jealousy. Cornel Wilde certainly picked the wrong lady. 

He smiled when his phone lit up next to him with the name of the one he had grown to love more and more each day. Hearing her voice made his smile grow even bigger.

“I will be home earlier than planned. I should be there around noon.” She said with a mixture of exhaustion and excitement. “My publisher likes what I have so far and insists I continue to work on it and not worry about the current deadline.”

“I knew she would.” He said after taking another swallow of his coffee. He had that thick heavy feeling in his throat. Thomas cleared his throat before continuing to speak. “And nothing could make me happier than you returning early.”

Amanda smiled as she watched the mechanics do a check on her private plane. “That is all I wanted to hear.”

“All?” He teased, smiling when he heard her laugh.

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind hearing an I love you at some point.” She bit her lip to keep her smile from expanding. 

“I love you.’ He said in that deep voice she adored.

“I love you too.” The pilot came out to tell her they were ready to leave. “I will see you soon.” She wished him a good night and settled in her seat for the long flight from London to Los Angeles.

Thomas coughed some and got up to take a hot shower in the hopes that it would help.

He cracked open his eyes at ten the next morning after what had to be the worst night of his life trying to sleep. He had coughed and sneezed most of the night, while cursing Addison as the germ carrier. He sat up and blew his nose while shuffling into the bathroom. His eyes watered and he didn’t even bother shaving. He took a quick shower and dressed to drive out to Van Nuys. He put on sunglasses and carried a box of tissues with him. 

Amanda walked down the tarmac towards him, her smile dimming when she noticed him pausing to cough and wipe his nose. He greeted her with a brief kiss to her forehead and took a step back when he began to sneeze into a tissue.

“Oh Thomas.” She placed her cool hand on his forehead and cheek. “How long have you been feeling bad.”

“I’m fine.” He said in a raspy voice. He took her bags and walked with her to their car.

“Do you want me to drive?” She asked when another coughing fit seized him.

“No. I’m fine.” He held her door open for her then entered his side.

On the way home, she tried to find out what all was bothering him.

“Does your throat hurt?”

He grimaced at the raw burning sensation engulfing every square inch of his throat. “Not too much.”

“Were you able to rest at all last night with the coughing and sneezing?” Her expression was filled with concern.

“Wasn’t too bad.” He glanced at the sky for stray lightning possibly striking him for the lie.

She reached over and took his hand. “Are you achy?”

He thought of the time he fell during his first and only lesson at rock climbing. Even that didn’t hurt like he did now. “I’m fine, Amanda.”

She lifted an eyebrow in disbelief while letting go of his hand. She gently smoothed his hair back on the side and caressed the stubbled jaw. When he didn’t take her hand to kiss, she knew then he was sick. 

He coughed and rasped out a thank you when she opened a bottle of water for him. “I have dinner reservations for the two of us tonight.”

“I will cancel them when we get home.” She said in a no nonsense tone.

“It is our anniversary.” He reminded her.

“I am well aware of that. It is why I made sure to get home as fast as I could.” She smiled sweetly at him and rubbed his leg. 

His lips firmed in a frown. “We are going to celebrate.”

“Of course we will. After you are well again, I intend to have a very special evening with you.” She handed him some tissues.

He snatched them out of her hand. “I am fine.” Thomas stressed the last word.

She got out of the car and started getting her bags. Thomas hurried over to stop her. “Amanda, I am not at death’s door! I merely have a cold!”

“AH HAH!” She pointed up at him. “So you finally admit it!”

He rolled his eyes and took a step back when her eyes narrowed.  “Amanda, just let me carry--”

“NO. Now go upstairs.” She grabbed her bags and dodged him trying to get them. His eyes widened at her moves.

“I have dodged nobles and reporters for years. You will never catch me.” She grinned and somehow got past him and ran upstairs.

He did his best to catch up to her. She dropped her bags and pulled a drawer open on his side of the dresser. Amanda picked out his favorite pajamas and handed them to him. “Put these on.”

He shrugged out of his blazer and did as she said. She made him get into bed and covered him up. She brushed his hair off his forehead and placed a lingering kiss there. “Now, Mr. Hunt, let me take care of you.”

He sighed and looked at her. “It’s our anniversary.”

“Yes it is.” Her smile was filled with happiness. “I intend to have a great many more with you. So allow me to honor my vows and love you while you are sick.”

He reluctantly nodded and watched her unpack, adoration for her filled his eyes. She took her gift out for him with a bashful grin. “Happy Anniversary, Thomas.”

He carefully opened the cylinder and pulled out a movie poster. He unrolled it and gasped at one of the rarest movie posters in the world. “Amanda! How did you find this?”

She winked at him. “I’m a duchess from Cordonia married to one of the world’s most respected directors. Classic movie rarities have become a specialty of mine. That and Maxwell helped me find someone who was selling this original poster of Metropolis.” 

He felt a sneeze coming and quickly handed it to her while he turned away to sneeze. She rolled it back up and put it back in the cylinder case. “When you feel better, I thought you might want to frame it and hang it in our theater room.”

“That sounds perfect.” His frown made her pause.

“What is it?” 

“I can’t properly thank you.” He muttered. 

“You can when you are better.” She left and returned with ice tea and juice. He closed his eyes at her urging to rest. Amanda finished unpacking and quietly left the bedroom.

She walked into her study and froze at the amount of paper covering it. She set her laptop down along with her leather-bound journal filled with notes from her editor. She walked over to one of the pieces of paper and realized it had something written in Thomas’ handwriting. Each page had one thing about her that he loved and said made his life that much better. She went through collecting her love notes and felt herself fall even more in love with the man she had married.

She turned to put them in her journal when she saw Thomas watching her from the doorway. “When did you do all this?”

“Yesterday, before I caught Addison’s infernal cold.” He backed away from her when she tried to hug him. “I’m not getting you sick.”

“I don’t care.” She hugged him. “If I can’t kiss you for this, I will hug you.” She smiled when she felt his arms wrap around her. 

He let her go and pulled a long thin black velvet box out of his pant’s pocket and handed it to her. “This was going to be given at dinner tonight.”

She opened it and smiled at the necklace with a diamond heart pendant. He coughed and motioned for her to turn around. He took the necklace and brushed her hair to the side. He draped the necklace around her neck and closed the clasp. He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, and whispered how he loved her.

She briefly leaned back against him and told him how much she loved him. “Now please, rest.”

He nodded and went back to bed and allowed her to take care of him.

[marril96]

What Friends Are For

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Characters: Rowena, Sam, reader

Summary: Following recent events, Sam and Rowena engage in a long overdue heart to heart.

Editor: @oswinthestrange

Rowena wasn't too fond of people coming over (being brutally murdered tended to do that to a person), but having the Winchesters over for dinner wasn't nearly as bad as she imagined.

Quite the contrary — the evening had gone rather well.

She supposed she owed them that much, having called them for a case in her town (you were adamant she leave it all to them, the overprotective lass you were) and almost getting them killed in the process. But really, how was she supposed to know the beast would try to carve their organs out — literally — with its razor-sharp claws? They were hunters. She assumed they would stop it before it got to that point.

Guess not.

In fairness to her, she'd had the best intentions at heart. The thing was killing people in her town; it had to be stopped. Besides, it wasn't like she'd left them to fend for themselves. She'd gone into battle with them, and was left with deep gashes down her arms and chest as proof. Gashes that still stung, despite the healing salve you'd rubbed into them, the bandages you'd wrapped around them, and the pain potion you'd made for her.

If it wasn't for you, she and the boys would have been dead. You'd had enough sense, in your panicked state that screamed with fear for your life and concern for Rowena's, to yell out a spell to throw the monster away and stun it enough for Sam and Dean to finish it off.

That was, before your eyes fell on Rowena's blood-soaked arms and chest and you freaked out so much that she, holding back hisses from the pain that throbbed and pulsated in her wounds like a heart lined with razors, had to assure you she was okay, that it looked worse than it was (it didn't. It was that bad) and she would live.

She would live. That was what mattered the most.

Rowena had ordered food from her favorite restaurant. Nothing but the best for her guests. Afterwards, Sam offered to wash the dishes, his way of saying thank you for the dinner. Rowena, sick of the noise of you and Dean discussing (or rather arguing about) movies she had no interest in, especially now that she was forced to hear about them while eating, went with him.

The two of them split the job — Sam was washing the dishes, while Rowena dried them off and set them aside, to be returned to their rightful place later. The two worked in peace for a while, until Sam spoke.

"Rowena, are-how are you doing?"

Caught off guard, Rowena was silent for a few moments. "Good." She held up her bandaged arms. "These bloody things sting a bit, but I'm fine."

"That's great. But I meant the other thing," Sam said. Rowena frowned, confused. Clearing his throat nervously, he elaborated, "A few days ago was the second anniversary, right?"

Oh.

Oh!

Rowena's throat tightened as if an invisible hand wrapped thick fingers around it and held on, intent on squeezing the life out of her. Her mouth felt like stuffed with cotton. The constant, comforting warmth drained from her body, cold, deadly shivers replacing it, slithering under her skin like worms, devouring her up from the inside. Pulling her back into the darkness she kept trying to run away from; the darkness that, despite her efforts to overcome it, always caught up with her, always swallowed her whole and filled her with fear and dread and agony that had been with her since that horrible day.

The day Lucifer had surprised her at her hotel room, choked her, mercilessly stomped on her head until the room was wholly sprayed with blood, and set her on fire. She'd felt everything; every smack of his heavy shoe against her skull, every acidic lick of the flames. She still felt it. It remained fresh in her memory, the pain she wished to forget resurfacing every now and then, taking her back to that day, to that hotel room, to that city she'd vowed to never step foot in again.

The anniversaries were the worst. They made the pain more lively, more real. Brought back fear that even your tightest hugs and promises of safety couldn't chase away.

"Aye," Rowena said quietly.

Sam nodded. "You doing okay?"

"I am," she replied, and it was true. She slept well most nights, the nightmares that used to follow her into almost every dream now a rare occurrence. She wasn't scared anymore, not since she'd heard of Lucifer's demise. There were a few times when tinges of fear shot through her, but a reminder that he was dead and rotting was enough to calm her down. That, and a long, warm hug that made her feel like home, that reminded her that she was home. She still remembered sometimes, still got flashbacks out of nowhere and had to avoid certain scenes in fiction she consumed lest she wanted to trigger the all-consuming memories, but that was nothing she couldn't handle. Nothing she couldn't learn to live with. In a way she already had. "There are times when it's hard, but for the most part, I'm alright. I don't scream in terror all day long, if that's what you're asking."

The last part was a joke, but Sam, either oblivious or wanting to make it clear just in case, was quick to refute it. "I didn't mean—"

"I know," Rowena cut in, a small smile playing on her mouth. Not a completely genuine one, but containing enough traces of lightheartedness in it to be convincing. The mood could use some lighting up.

The hunter returned the smile, his nervous, careful. "You sleep okay?"

"Mostly," she replied honestly. "Even when I don't, it's not as bad as before."

It still shook her to the core, but the nightmares weren't nearly as bad as when they first started. They were more bearable, easier to put behind and go back to sleep.

Sam gave a nod. "That's good. And the rest? The Michael thing?"

"It's behind me," Rowena said. A traumatic experience, but nothing in comparison to her brutal death at the Devil's hands. "How are you dealing with that? We never got to talk about it."

They were both messed up following the ordeal. Sam was mourning the dead. Rowena was struggling to feel comfortable in her skin again, hating herself for saying yes, for giving her body away to a maniac to use as he desired. For — inadvertently, but she still bore part of the blame — hurting Sam. It was her hands that had taken the lives of the people he cared about. Her hands that were dirty with their blood.

She wanted to talk to him about it. Wanted to explain, to give her side of the story. Wanted him to know she'd done it for him and the others, one of her few selfless acts.

Then other — deadlier — things happened, and they never got a chance to discuss it.

"I'm okay," Sam said. "For the most part." He sighed, his eyes turning sad, haunted. "I was supposed to protect those people. I was their leader, and I-I let them down."

"No, Samuel," Rowena told him. "I'm sure you did the best you could for them."

He gave a bitter chuckle. "Look where it got them."

Rowena wasn't having it. "You're a good man, Sam. You gave those people a whole extra year of life. It may not seem like much, but, I promise, to them it meant everything. They weren't children; they were aware there are dangers in this world the same as theirs. Some things they had to protect themselves from all on their own, or try to at least."

And they'd tried. Good god, they'd tried. Rowena shuddered at the memory of those people — those innocents — trying to fight Michael off, trying to protect themselves, save their lives. All futile. They were no match for an archangel.

An archangel she'd let do that to them.

She wasn't going to let Sam blame himself for her mess.

"Besides, I'm the one who said yes to Michael. He used my hands to kill them." She put her hands up, remembering the blood that used to cling to them, the copper taste still fresh in her mind. "If anyone's at fault, it's me."

"No," Sam said quickly. He lowered the plate he'd been washing into the warm water and turned to her, features pained, earnest. "You did what you had to do. Michael told us—"

"I didn't," she cut in.

The hunter frowned. "What?"

"I didn't tell you. You didn't hear it from me."

She wanted him to know she had no ill intents at heart. Wanted him to hear the words from her lips, from her heart.

"I don't have to. I know you wouldn't have willingly said yes."

Her heart warmed at his words. "I thought you'd blame me."

"I have no reason to blame you."

You'd told her the same thing, with a note that if he did blame her, you would have words with him. Rowena was glad to hear the confirmation directly from him.

"That's nice to hear." More than nice. Exhilarating. Overwhelming. Freeing. Like a burden she'd been carrying all these months had finally been lifted. "Not a lot of nice has been happening lately."

The world had gone to hell. All thanks to its creator.

There was a very good reason Rowena was — had always been — Pagan.

Blasted Charles!

"Yeah," Sam agreed. Gloom settled on his face, quickly followed by anguish and despair. His bright eyes reddened, brimming with tears that sparkled like diamonds. One spilled down his cheek in a wet, salty trail. "I miss Jack."

Rowena laid a hand on his shoulder, an instinct from all the times you sought comfort in her, relied on her to make you well. She wanted to make Sam well. Her heart screamed with the need, but she knew it was nothing but a fantasy. She couldn't do anything for him. Couldn't bring Jack back. Couldn't undo the destruction Charles had brought upon the world.

All she could do was let him know she was here, that she understood and was a willing ear for his ails.

"He was a lucky boy," she said. "He knew you and Dean and Castiel loved him dearly. Wherever he is, I'm sure he still knows it."

Her own eyes filled with tears. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the nephilim's demise. Was it grief? Or just sadness that yet another person in her life who had been kind to her, whom she'd come to love, was gone? She couldn't tell. She didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it hurt, and she was sick of hurting.

"I wish I could've saved him," Sam admitted in a low voice, almost a whisper.

"You tried." Which was more than Rowena could say for herself. She'd abandoned her child. Forced herself to hate him because loving him hurt too much. Only let go of the hate after he'd died the second — final — time. Out of all things she'd done, this she would never forgive herself for. "Y/N always tells me trying is important, even if you fail. And she's right. You loved that boy. I've no doubt you did the best you could to help him. The outcome, tragic as it is, doesn't matter. Intentions do. And yours were good."

Sam took it in. Breathed in and out as he thought her words through. With a trembling mouth, he said, "He didn't deserve to die."

"He didn't," Rowena agreed. "Sometimes people who don't deserve it get hurt the most. It's awful, but it's life."

"Life sucks."

"It does. You, Dean, and Castiel must stick together now. It'll be easier to get through this if you've got someone with you."

Sam nodded. "We're trying, but…"

But they were too different. Too opposite of each other. Rowena understood that well.

"It was like that with me," she said. "Two years ago. Y/N wanted to help me, and I kept shutting her out. I thought I was protecting her by keeping her out of it. But really, I was trying to protect myself. I didn't want her to see me weak. But she kept trying, and eventually I gave in. And I realized she didn't see me as weak at all. She thought I was strong. And soon I started believing it, too."

"She's a good girlfriend," Sam said.

"She is," Rowena said with a nod. "I couldn't have asked for anyone better. She's always been there for me. Even when I wouldn't let her." She sucked in a breath, shaking off memories of pushing you away, screaming that she was fine when she was clearly not. "The three of you should let one other be there."

"I know. It's just… easier said than done." A sad smile grazed Sam's face.

"Then I'll be there." Rowena's hand squeezed his shoulder in emphasis. "Call me whenever you want. I'll listen."

It was only fair. He'd listened to her, let her bare her soul without a shred of judgment. It was what friends did.

"I appreciate it," Sam said. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

Silence settled on the two of them, strangely comfortable, calming.

Then the door opened and the moment was gone like a flip of a switch. Sam turned back to the sink and started scrubbing at the discarded plate. Rowena pulled her hand away and grabbed the rag she'd been using to dry off the dishes.

You frowned, confused by their behavior. You quickly snapped out of it, though, and said, "You guys done?"

"Almost," Sam replied.

"Dean told me to get you. He wants to go home."

"Why didn't he come get me himself?"

"He went to start up the car." You rolled your eyes. "I apparently annoyed him when I said his favorite movie sucks."

Sam snorted. Rowena chuckled. Sounded like you.

"For the record, the movie sucks," you pointed out.

"To the surprise of no one," Rowena commented.

You grinned. "Want me to run you a bath?"

She beamed at the prospect. "If you'd be so kind."

"Anything for my girl." You wrapped an arm around her shoulder in a half-hug and pressed a long, wet kiss to her cheek.

Rowena's cheeks flushed a warm red. "You going to join me?"

"What do you think?" You gave a small giggle. Then, remembering you weren't alone, you blushed. "Thank you for your help today, Sam."

"Of course," he said with a nod.

Responding with a nod of your own, you rushed to work on her bath.

"A bath, huh?" Sam teased.

"Shut up," Rowena retorted, blushing harder. "At least I have a girlfriend to make me one."

"Ow."

"You asked for it, Samuel."

"I guess I did."

The two finished the work on dishes fast, and as Rowena was walking him out and wishing him a safe trip home, the warm, happy feeling remained. They were friends. Tonight only confirmed it.

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @dropsofpetrichor @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @wayward-kaia @angel7376 @rowenaisfabulous @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @melisandre02 @a-queen-and-her-throne

[nekohooch]

So I will state that I am 100% biased because RENT is my favorite musical and a lot of my reasoning for being into musical theatre but I loved RENT live. Despite the fact that the whole show except finale A, your eyes, and finale B was the dress rehearsal from last night because Roger broke his foot, I thought they did an amazing job. I could feasibly find some things to quibble with but I think they kept the spirit of the show and all the cast obviously loved the show. I actively cried through the whole thing and i loved the staging of the show. Having it in the round and having the scaffolding around the audience was so fantastic. I felt like the changes they did to some of the lyrics and the changes they did to the staging enhanced the scenes and i really appreciated them. RENT is a period piece but is also a musical that changes and grows just on the fact that it is so much about community and inclusivity. If any show was going to make itself aware of how times have changed while still keeping the integrity of the original show it would be RENT and I’m glad that the people in charge realized that. Obviously I missed some of the more colorful words but it’s on FOX at prime time I was not surprised they were cut out. Some of the lyric changes were odd and I would have liked the audience to not clap along and or cheer to cover the singing but my overall enjoyment outweighed those minor frustrations. The costumes and lights and makeup and everything was just so good. Having seen the show twice (my graduation gift was seeing the show, on Halloween with Gwen Jones, Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal and I got to see it twice!! I got to hug Gwen and cried so many times, best day of my life), actually enjoying the movie for what it was and did, and being a RENThead since I was ten and my mom first played the original cast recording for me it felt just like all of those experiences. Could some of them have given more for the dress rehearsal? Absolutely. Will that diminish my appreciation and love for the obvious care and incredibly hard work these actors, musicians, and tech crew put into this show? Not in a million years.

Did I cry through the whole thing? Yes.

Did the OBC appearing make me sob like a baby? You know it!

This was rambley as fuck but I have a lot of feelings.

I went into this expecting emotions but I forgot how many emotions I have tied to this show and I was not prepared for the strength of the emotions.

All in all I will definitely watch that again.

****

Surprise! Not done with feelings.

When the movie aired in 2005 there were people who walked out of the theatre when Angel and Collins kiss during I’ll Cover You. The sweetest kiss and they were so offended they refused to stay in the movie theatre.

In 2019 two days after the 23rd anniversary of Jonathan Larson’s death we got to watch this incredible show live (kinda (In true RENT fashion something happened and the original plan was edited opening night)) on prime time television on Fox, a major television network, with none of the kisses cut and Contact/Take Me in its entirety (which they couldn’t do in the movie and keep the rating).

There was some censoring but nothing they don’t do to anything else and I feel like that’s something to celebrate.

Being able to watch the story of a bunch of queer people in 1991 celebrate their lives and the lives of those they lose.

No day but today.

[lahbarsaglini]

ᏴᎪᏟᏦᏚᎢᎪᏀᎬ

→ CHAPTER ONE

Here it is! It’s recommended to read all "Backstage Masterlist" items available on my profile before or after reading this chapter! Hope you like it!

Warnings: mentions of death and depression. 

July 20, 2011

Orange County, Southern California, USA

She knew that in exactly sixty minutes, a year would be complete. The girl’s brown orbs were almost wide open, fixed on the two flashing red dots that marked the time on her digital clock by the bed. Even turned around, she still could feel her twin sister’s gaze on her back, penetrating her ribs, as a signal that she was also aware of the approaching date in three thousand six hundred seconds. 

If you have been through this, you will surely recognize every following word: denial, anger, negotiation, depression, acceptance. Although death is the only certainty of all mankind, no one is ever prepared to go through emotional grief. The intense pain, the feeling of revolt, the deep emptiness. The whole family was aware of all these emotions.

Exactly a year ago, Naya Valentini and her family had lost two members of their family tree. Under her precise social perception, her favorite uncle and her little cousin. Matteo Valentini was that uncle that, no matter what, made the day better. He was the life of family reunions, and after his divorce, he seemed to be doing better than anyone else in this world. On that afternoon, in July 2010, he had taken his triplets Max, Graham and Sophie to the movies. Everyone was excited, talking about the premiere of Despicable Me. What no one knew was that when they were coming back home, tragedy awaited them. The white van hit the driver’s entire side, including the back part, where Sophie was.

When Naya’s parents arrived at the hospital after being notified, the news that Matteo had died on the spot frightened them at the thought of the possible death of the children. Luckily, the boys would recover quickly, but Sophie had been rushed to the operation room. Naya wasn’t with them, in fact, she and her other siblings had been left behind to take care of the new foster son of the family, who was a newborn. 

At home, everything was in chaos, and she still remembered the whole scene, which her brain insisted on showing in slow motion: her oldest brother Liam trying to stop Autie from shouting that she wanted to go to the hospital to see her cousins, Ethan almost blowing up the microwave while preparing something to eat, while she was trying to finish helping Devyn out in the bath, but hearing the baby crying wasn’t helping much.

With their parents out of the house and the dread of the idea of their cousins and uncle involved in an accident, the four eldest kids Liam, Ethan, Naya and Lexi were able (with a lot of effort) to bring the heavy mattresses downstairs where they had decided to spend the night together, with the strategy of gathering the younger ones on the same space so they could keep a better eye on them. It was dawn when their father arrived, finding all his children on his living room floor, sleeping, except for Lexi, who was giving Joey baby formula. Naya still remembered waking up and how her father had tried to be as gentle as possible telling them that Uncle Matt and Sophie had passed away. 

— I can’t sleep either. — Naya heard her sister’s voice over her shoulder.

And in that simple sentence, it was possible to feel the weight. They both knew how hard it had been for the whole family, especially for their father, who had just lost his favorite brother. The situation was ten times worse when he entered the fourth and most difficult stage of grief: depression. Mornings at the kitchen table, once animated by the children’s conversations, suddenly became quieter and quieter. Dad had just recovered from the last phase, acceptance, and the one-year anniversary had already arrived. 

Another person who was suffering a lot was Moon, Naya and her brothers mom. She had an extremely maternal relationship with the triplets, especially after her brother-in-law’s divorce, where their mother decided to abandon them. Sometimes, it even seemed like she was grieving more than Alexander, her husband and Matteo’s brother. 

— What do you think will happen today? — Lexi asked, but it was the silence that greeted her. — I just hope mom doesn’t freak out. Dad’s fine now, but her…

Naya turned to her twin sister’s side, tugging at the blanket, realizing for the first time that night that they were laying in the same position. 

— She won’t. She is a force of nature. — And there was definitely a very strong degree of intensity and precision in Naya’s response. Her mother really as a very inspiring woman, starting with her life story. 

Kwon Moon never had any contact with her biological father, the only thing she knew was that he was part of the USFK, the American Forces of Korea. After a one night stand, her mother eventually returned to Busan, where Moon was born and they moved to the United States when she was 15 years old, just because of her mother, deluded with life in a foreign country and hopes to marry her daughter’s father. They didn’t find him, and spent a good time in cheap hotel rooms. 

Moon was the one who decided to go to school and learn as much English as she could, teaching her mother in the spare time of her first job. Years later, she went to college and became pregnant, resulting in marriage to her boyfriend. Still studying, even in a distance program, as her children were born, never for a second of her life did she give up the dream of creating her own line of products in Beaufort, deciding to move to Los Angeles to finally open her store and put into practice what she learned with her chemistry degree. 

Nowadays, mom had two stores in Southern California, and she was doing her best every day, always encouraging her children to do the same. Today would also be a day without school. The family would visit Matteo Valentini and his daughter’s grave.

— Do you think about Sophie? — This time it was Naya who broke the moment of reflection. 

— Honestly? — Lexi turned up, staring at the ceiling before moving on. — Not anymore. Of course I miss her. It must be much worse for the boys, I can’t even imagine what would be like to lose you. 

After the accident, Max and Graham were living with the Valentini-Kwon’s family, as their mother didn’t show up and they didn’t have anyone besides Alex and Moon to take care of them. 

— How about you?

— I’m thinking about her now. — Naya confessed. 

— But that’s because it’s the death anniversary. 

— Yes, but I thought the same thing when dad came home that day and told us everything. Sophie was seven years old. She’s gone without knowing what high school is like, or what it’s like to kiss someone, or drive a car. She never had a chance to live, unlike Uncle Matt. — Naya adjusted a lock of her own hair. — Thinking about it makes me depressed. She could have had the world. 

— Yes. — Lexi’s agreement came in a low voice tone. 

— What about us?

— What do you mean? — Without understanding the question, Lexi frowned.

— What I mean is that… — Naya sat on the bed, the blanket falling on her lap, just as her hair fell over her pajamas. — We can have the world. The question is: what are we doing with our lives?

— Okay, Nay. Relax a little and quit all this philosophy of life for now. Me and you… We’re only sixteen. School things are our biggest concern. — Lexi accompanied the twin on the move, getting up and going to sit on her sister’s bed.

— But that’s the point, Lexi. What if we die? I never did anything I wanted. Sophie was seven years old, didn’t have much she could have done except… Bring some message to our family. — Saying that sounded like the right interpretation. — And it hurts me to say this, but I don’t want to end up like her, Lex. I want to live. I want to decide what I am going to do, to challenge myself more. Because as far as I know, I can die tomorrow, or the day after. I want to be like Uncle Matt, he did everything he wanted.

Alexa seemed to understand the meaning of the conversation, the reason for her sister being so reflective.

— So what do you want to do? — Unrelated to, you know, what we have now. Boyfriend, dancing, friends, apart from all this?

The question took her by surprise. What did Naya want to do with her life? Once she graduated from high school, what would happen? The memory of a little girl came to light when her interest in old movies began to emerge after a summer vacation at her grandparent’s farm. After that, she remembered her godfather and the piano classes, and how he said she had a good voice. Her dream of being a musical actress started from there, together with an entire week spent only watching the famous Broadway plays. She had participated in “13” two years ago and she missed that place. 

Still thinking about her and her sister’s godfather, she wondered if she should believe him. After so many refusals, she wouldn’t have the courage to call him for advice.The way was to try to go through every phase of the challenge, just like what her late cousin would never have the opportunity to do. 

With a smile building up just as a year had passed since the accident, Naya looked at her sister before laying on the bed again.

— What? Why are you smiling? Nay?

— I figured out what I want to do.

— And you won’t tell me?

— You will find out, Lex.

The girl glanced once again at the digital clock, following the moment it had just shown 04:01am, just one minute more than when her cousin had been declared lifeless. However, the only thing she could do was smile. She had understood one of the little girl missions on her short passage through Earth, and hoped the rest could understand soon too. With a lighter heart, Naya whispered before closing her eyes.

— Thank you, Sophie. 

[finefeatheredfriend]

Genocide! (the book. not like. actual genocide.)

Okay so it’s been a while since I posted one of my EDA reviews, and it’s been a while since I read this particular book (because I’ve been at a place where they don’t have wifi for about two months now so I couldn’t post it (since for some reason I always post these from the laptop but yeah ANYWAY.)) but here is another one of my weird reviews/liveblog things! 

This time, it’s Genocide! And I think, if I remember correctly, I liked this one. Well. I mean. Jo is in this one, so of course I liked it. Anyway! I’m gonna read these reactions I had while reading this book now (cause my memory is awful and I literally remember nothing except that Jo was in it lol) and then maybe I’ll be able to tell you how I liked it!

As usual, here are my favourite bits of reactions/quotes/scenes/impressions from when I read this, and the full liveblog will be under the cut! Enjoy my rambly thoughts!

AAAH the Doctor’s pretending he got his outfit from 1893 but Sam saw the label and knows it’s from a costume store I’m screaming

I love that Sam made a scaling system because every single situation with the Doctor is dangerous so the question is no longer ‘is this situation dangerous?’ but ‘how dangerous is this situation’ hahaha i love her

‘We all have to be daleks sometimes. It’s just a matter of knowing when you really don’t have a choice’ - Doctor (ooooh I love this line) 

“Do you know what it's like, Doctor? To watch them die, to hear them die, and know that there's nothing you can do to stop it?” STOP IT of course he knows!!! now I’m crying :(

[Cliff] LEFT JO???? who would ever want to leave JO??? I mean. now she’s finally free to marry sexy yates instead so I guess that’s fine BUT WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND

I know this was before storm warning came out and probably references something entirely different but still, THE UNCREATOR

wait a minute did jo just go and lift rowenna and is now running while carrying her??? uh she’s... strong

oh god how I hope there’s an easier alternative in which no species gets killed off :( ....... eileen this book is literally called genocide

“So you are human.' 'No, not exactly, but that doesn't matter.” Doctor... what... ‘not exactly’?

Jo and Sam have been alone for 6 days??? I mean, 5 and a half hours were bad for Rose, sure, but that has nothing on being stranded without the Doctor 2 million years in the past, in Africa, for six bloody days omg

aaaah the Doctor can hear Jo’s screams from millions of years in the future (Doctor x Jo confirmed)

I can’t believe Jo of all people would kill all those aliens! like... that’s genocide. just. I don’t believe it. not Jo. she’d never

Okay, so here’s my thoughts about the book: I loved it! The fact that we’ve got a non humanoid species here (that I at first thought were Nimons - imagine my disappointment when I found out they weren’t) is so interesting, learning all about them (they have a smell alphabet?? that’s so cool) is so... interesting (yeah, this book is interesting, I know I say that a lot lol). And Jo. asdfgdasflgadgs. I love her. Having her there definitely made the whole book better, though in my opinion I would have really enjoyed the book so much even if she weren’t in it. The only sad thing is that we didn’t get to see her off. She was just gone suddenly! But I loved the book nonetheless.

Okay, you know the drill. Under the cut you’ll find my unabridged reactions that I wrote down while reading! I bolded what I put in the highlights reel. 

okaaay this is interesting

I’m confused but it’s interesting

and I love that framing story line they’ve got going with that alien and the Doctor in what i think is a cell of some sort..?

ok I spoiled myself that jo is in this one (I was bummed that it wasn’t a surprise BUT I’m more excited that she even is in this book so I don’t care AAH MY WIFE IS IN THIS!!)

ok :/ so the aliens aren’t nimons :/

UNIT!!! I mean I don’t know what the alien’s plan is, but they mentioned UNIT!!

“more of his stuff was fake than he was generally prepared to admit” jfjdhdhdg

AAAH the Doctor’s pretending he got his outfit from 1893 but Sam saw the label and knows it’s from a costume store I’m screaming

aaaaah they mention my boy oscar wilde!!

“When he got there he looked over his shoulder and flashed her a smile. 'Guess.' No good, thought Sam. I've been out-cooled again. But I'll get him, one day. If it's the last thing I do.” jdhdhdhgd i love her (and him)

aw no his shoes being sucked into the swamp and he got really sad because grace gave him those shoes and now he wants to repair them at all costs!!

“Something was usually wrong. It was really a matter of scale. Sam had started to rate them in scores out of ten: for instance, (1) the Doctor had misdirected the TARDIS, (5) he'd landed them in the middle of a war zone, or (10) he'd accidentally destroyed the universe.” hahahaha and the situation they’re in is a 2.5, that doesn’t sound too bad haha

“Get back inside!' ordered the Doctor. 'I am inside,' said Sam simply. 'You're not.” Doctor i love you

okaaay we’re slowly raising the danger score point by point and are now at 3.5

hm ok so Sam determined that they are on earth where the invasion had already happened and humans are extinct just by seeing a river and thinking ‘oh yeah, could be the right size to be the thames’ like ??? how do you think you can say all that for sure from guessing that maybe that river you see there is a similar size to that of the Thames

‘even simplicity itself is never as simple as it seems’

oooh I wouldn’t want the Doctor to tell me off I couldn’t stand to have him be disappointed in me

‘We all have to be daleks sometimes. It’s just a matter of knowing when you really don’t have a choice’ - Doctor (ooooh I love this line)

“Wine's bad for your liver, you know.' Rowenna grinned at Julie. 'So are candy bars.' 'I ate a slice of pizza first!' 'Case proven.” I snorted

MY BABY

THEY’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT JO

wait Rowenna was one of those people in the green death living with cliff????

flying lizards?? flying lizards????? you mean dragons??

earth reptile... a Silurian??

I love how this book is about non humanoid aliens, we rarely see that

“Do you know what it's like, Doctor? To watch them die, to hear them die, and know that there's nothing you can do to stop it?” STOP IT of course he knows!!! now I’m crying :(

JO

MY BABY

SHE!!!!

she’s here

finally

she has a son!! I mean we know she’s got a lot of grandkids but still!!

wait

“leaning across the cold sheets that she'd probably always think of as Cliffs side of the bed” this sounds like he died

he LEFT

he LEFT JO???? who would ever want to leave JO??? I mean. now she’s finally free to marry sexy yates instead so I guess that’s fine

BUT

who would leave jo??????

Cliff gave her an anniversary present AFTER HE LEFT HER??? what

BENTON

“ "Kilgai, Tanzania. Incident class N",' she read. 'What's class N?' 'They divide incidents up into Y for "Yes, it does immediately threaten the existence of the human race" and N for "No, it doesn't".” BENTON you... joker

oooh that’s a an interesting kind of book, these aliens have a smell alphabet? and read by sniffing or tasting the different scents..?

and the Doctor can read those books as well omg

the uNCREATOR

I know this was before storm warning came out and probably references something entirely different but still, THE UNCREATOR

wait but in storm warning they weren’t called tractites right

oh no those were triscele or whatever

oh I hate this

why do the tractites have to be so nice :( I don’t want them all to die :(

then again it’s a nice change away from the usual ‘these aliens are bad and that’s why we need to kill them’ that happens in all the other movies or shows

oh Sam can read those books too so apparently it’s not just a special power the Doctor has

please sam do NOT try to stop the Doctor from setting history right

yes those aliens are nice

but please

“A galaxy long, long ago and far, far away.” aaaah

“She wondered if she was walking into a trap. She'd always been good at that.” you’re surprisingly self aware jo

this is SUCH an interesting story?!?? like... kitig has to decide whether to kill the Doctor because he might destroy them all (which tbf the Doctor is actually planning to do) BUT THEN he decides to help him when he gets ill!!!

“Jo turned round, said calmly, 'Shut up, I'm talking to my friend,' then turned back to Rowenna. 'Don't worry about him, he's nobody. Have you seen the aliens yet?” Jo I fucking love you jsdjsjsggs

wait a minute did jo just go and lift rowenna and is now running while carrying her??? uh she’s... strong

oh god how I hope there’s an easier alternative in which no species gets killed off :(

eileen this book is literally called genocide

stop pretending everything is going to be fine

Jo is badass in this one and I love her

ARE THEY GONNA MEET NOW

I need the doctor and jo to meet

AAAAAH they really are heading for Africa too!!!!!! THEY’RE GOING TO MEET

the Doctor is wearing a white cloth sun-hat ahahahah

ok so both Sam and Jo are walking around the desert now and I’m guessing those two are going to meet first

aaaah the Doctor found rowenna and Julie!!!!

TRUST ME I’M A DOCTOR asdgdhhsgs why does he always have to say that haha

Awww he’s so happy that Jo is around there too

NOOOOOO ROWENNA

NOOO I was like ‘oh that’s jo saving Sam from the homo habilis right?? Hahaha!’ BUT IT’S THAT DICK JACOB

aw the Doctor buried them in the butterfly room

“So you are human.' 'No, not exactly, but that doesn't matter.” Doctor... what... ‘not exactly’?

“the floppy Indiana Jones hat and the purple striped pullover that looked ten years out of date, even for someone of Jo's advanced age” that sounds so like jo haha

“Yes, sorry, I do look a bit of a wreck. Don't worry, I can control the pain. Old Gallifreyan technique.” ooh another interesting bit of info about gallifreyan physiology - that is, if the Doctor isn’t lying to reassure Kitig he’s fine

Noooooo not the TARDIS!!!!!!

Jo and Sam have been alone for 6 days??? I mean, 5 and a half hours were bad for Rose, sure, but that has nothing on being stranded without the Doctor 2 million years in the past, in Africa, for six bloody days omg

Ha Sam, that teaches you to underestimate the absolute angel that is Jo Grant (don’t judge her by her clothes, Sam. this woman has lived on campsites and faced off aliens and is just overall an absolute angel.)

oh god I hate Jacob. but he’s surprisingly self aware (‘if humankind are all like me then no wonder their world will fall apart,’ he thinks while literally drinking an antelope’s blood directly from the neck)

NO JOOOO pls be alright aaah she just fell down the cliff????

aaaah there’s Sam and Theta written into the rock!!!! THETA!!!!

NOOOO SAM

don’t die please

I mean I kind of know you’re not going to die because I know you’ll be there for a bit longer

BUT STILL

DON’T DIE

oh no!!! the TARDIS is like she was in Father’s Day noooo

aaaah the Doctor can hear Jo’s screams from millions of years in the future (Doctor x Jo confirmed)

no

the TARDIS changed????? but she was perfect like that :(

oh wait hahahaha that was just Jo’s point of view it’s still the same thank god

and the vw beetle is just parked right there in the console room hahahahaha

“Outside, the Doctor was running down a grassy slope, fire exploding to the left and right of him. 'Usual situation,' said Jo wryly, running for the door.” jshajsghshsdha I love them

Noooooo axeman!!!!

Oh god Sam no

what have you done

Don’t just kill :(

oh no not Jo as well

I’m crying oh god JO

I can’t believe Jo of all people would kill all those aliens

like... that’s genocide

just. I don’t believe it. not Jo. she’d never

hehehe the empress reminds him of Davros

I love how he just whispers with Sam while the empress is speaking and clearly looking at them lol

aw kitig saved the world from the time tree

Sam you have to tell him!!! and not when he’s asleep!!! (what is it with people telling other people important things while that person is unconscious ugh!!)

wait what happened to jo?? we didn’t get to see her off!!!

And that’s all! Hope you enjoyed this!

[kookadoodle]

Sweets & Sours

PLOT: Y/N tries to convince the biggest scaredy-cat she knows that Halloween is actually pretty cool.

PAIRING: Hoseok x reader GENRE: mostly fluff, a pinch of comedy, Halloween!AU WARNINGS: none, ironically WORDCOUNT: 4.7k A/N: hobi is so precious, i can’t handle it x

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Finally, the day has come, and you cannot hide the fact that you are overly excited. Not that you try to hide it exactly but being especially enthusiastic for Halloween is not really common in your age group. Or it is, but not in the obsessive kind of way that you show, when you act like a child on Christmas morning. Christmas is great and all, but a big fatty in a red costume does not top the horrors and grunge that is Halloween. It might make you sound a bit psychotic (apologies) but you love the gore, the blood and the people dressed in all things dead. October 31st is not to be wasted on a simple night in, watching a few movies and eat popcorn like all your friends normally do on the anniversary (if they even bother doing anything). Oh no. It is to be wasted on something else entirely. Something so horrific that you laugh from the pure fear of it. Or at least something that will just make you laugh for fun. But laughter is at its best when shared, which shows you a disadvantage, considering your best friend of them all, who you want to spend the day with, is the biggest scaredy-cat that you know. Jung Hoseok. 

Hoseok is pure sunshine, always dressed in the brightest colors and a smile on his pretty face. He is goofy, he is sweet, yet he has the tiniest set of balls, when it comes to horror. Every time that you convince him to watch a scary movie with you, he hides behind his hands and shrieks at the slightest of sound sent his way. He refuses to play thrilling games with you, and at the sight of blood, the poor boy turns pale as a sheet of paper. He is most likely a lost cause in the land of Halloween. But trying to convince him that the holiday does not have to be gut-emptying horrific is at least worth a try. That is why you find yourself knocking on his door vigorously on a Wednesday morning at 9 am. “Hoseok! Open up!” you yell through the crack of the closed door, and it muffles your voice in its contact. You keep knocking, begging for him to move faster than the zombie-like pace he is presumably moving at - at least he is already a bit in the Halloween spirit. You know that the constant nagging sound of your fist against his door would annoy him on any other day, but Hoseok is well aware of your gore-obsession and lets you have this one. Finally, the door opens. “Y/N, come in,” he says tiredly, barely opening his sleep-deprived eyes to look at your smiling face. “No, come out,” you state, making him halt in his movements. He lifts his head and squints at you with a sigh. “Have you seen me?” he asks, referring to the dark teal pajama he is wearing. “It’s Halloween, you can go out in anything, and we’ll just say it’s your costume,” you plead excitedly, but you know that it is a bit of a reach. Hoseok might have the most controversial fashion sense, but he definitely cares a lot for it. The pajama is better in your eyes than those ugly shorts he always wears, but since it is autumn, he will not be able to wear them anyways. It is really a win-win. “Okay, but hurry and get ready, we have things to do today!” you say as you step inside, letting him close the door behind you. “Things?” he questions, unknowing of all the plans you have made on behalf of you both. You do not take off your shoes or coat, trying to signal to him that you want to get going as soon as possible. You nod eagerly at his questioning. “Yes, things,” you smile while wriggling your brows, which has him nervous to his stomach. “Y/N, no, please! I don’t like that stuff,” he complains, rubbing his face in his hands with frustration. You step towards him and tug at his wrists to unveil his worried features. “It is not what you think it is, I have planned something fun, I promise,” you explain, and he looks at you with that yeah, right expression. You sigh. “Jung Hoseok, as my best friend you will do this for me!” you scold him. You refuse to let him cancel everything without giving it a chance. “I want to prove to you that Halloween can be fun,” you add with a pout. He looks at you for a moment before he sighs to himself. “We can make a deal,” he starts, and you let go of his wrists to cross your arms. “I’ll come with you today and do everything you want us to do, but if I still hate Halloween at the end of it, I never have to do that stuff with you again,” Hoseok says determined, wanting to compromise, but also hoping to find a way out of his obligation. You do this to him every year, but ever since that one time, when he peed his pants in a haunted house as a kid, he has refused to indulge in anything horror-related with you. You ended up having to trick-or-treat by yourself that year, and it really just was not the same without him. “Yes!” you say, pumping your fist in the air. “Don’t get too excited, you might not convince me,” he states, reminding you of the terms of agreement. “I’m not worried,” you then say back confidently. You gently squeeze his cheeks with your thumbs, making him smile. He suddenly grabs your wrists and looks at you dead in the eye. “But Y/N, I swear to God. Do not kill me today!” Hoseok states seriously, making you stumble over laughing. “Oh, but it is Halloween, my friend,” you tease back, and he already regrets having agreed to this. He silently prays to higher powers for a way out, but sadly, God is not available today. He is probably out trick-or-treating for sweets and sours himself.

---------------------------------

It takes a little while to drive to the location, but Hoseok interrogating you along the way about where you are going, is not going to make the trip seem any shorter. “Can you at least tell me if I should expect any of our friends or if it’s just the two of us?” the boy asks, tugging at the sleeves of his blue Balenciaga hoodie. You advised against him wearing the shirt on this occasion, but apparently, a clothing item that expensive must be used at all opportunities. You just hope, he will not be mad at you if the shirt takes a few hits today. It is out of your hands, really. The fact that he looks like a dolphin-trainer, however, almost makes you wish you could even hit it a few times yourself. “Namjoon and Yoongi-oppa will meet us there,” you say, watching the boy in your peripheral vision. “Oh, cool,” he says, but his expression does not match his positive wording. It surprises you a bit, considering the mentioned are his very closest friends, and you had expected him to be happy about their presence. He probably is, though, he might just be nervous. Suddenly, a loud ring sounds through the car speakers, setting Hoseok off into a piercing girly shriek. You cannot believe your ears at the sound. “Woah,” he says relieved, clutching his heart, even though it was a false alarm. “Will you calm your ass down?” you scold through a laugh, entertained by your friend’s sensitive nature as you adjust the radio. “We aren’t even there yet,” you add, big grin plastered on your face. Hoseok only returns it with a nervous laugh straining his features. Oh dear lord, I’m going to die today, he thinks to himself, clearly overexaggerating. His palms are already sweaty, and he fears that you might take his hand to console him at some point, so he tries to keep a cool surface. Not easy, he might add. He was even surprised when the seatbelt almost slapped back at him, but he managed to keep his pounding heart enough at bay to not be obvious. You think, he is a big enough baby as it is, he does not need you to know about him being scared half to death by his own seatbelt. Normally, he would be a lot calmer, but this holiday just always has him on edge. He hates the unknown, and knowing what this kind of unknown might entail, leaves him an even bigger mess. “I’m fine,” he says aloud, mostly to himself, but you take it as a reply to your statement. “And you’ll be fine, don’t worry,” you add to that, wanting to soothe his anxious state. You try to be understanding, but you cannot help how it amuses you to see him so freaked out. He is such a wuss, and you kind of love him for that.

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You arrive at the carnival, and Hoseok’s eyebrows rise as his sight falls upon it, stepping out of the car. “So, a Halloween festival?” he asks, looking over at you and finding you with the biggest smile on your face, shoulders wiggling with excitement, eyes gleaming with joy. “Don’t judge it yet!” you state firmly, pointing at him to underline your seriousness. The smile tugging at your lips makes you less scary, but Hoseok bows down to you nonetheless. “Hit me with your best shot,” he says, but immediately regrets. “Actually, just hit me with like -- your most decent shot,” he corrects, not wanting to give you any crazy ideas, which has you giggling. You lock the car and the two of you start walking towards the entrance of the carnival. “Just make sure not to drink anything today,” you tease him, seeing his face falter. “Not funny,” he says dryly, causing you to burst into laughter. You wrap his arm around your own, pulling a defeated Hoseok along with you. He does not feel prepared for this. Luckily, his mood seems to change a bit, when you meet the two boys at the entrance. “Namjoon, are my eyes deceiving me?” Yoongi says, squinting his eyes for dramatic effect as you both approach them. Namjoon already chuckles. “Did she really get Hoseok to come? On Halloween?” Yoongi adds, and Hoseok shakes his head in embarrassment. “Yeah, yeah, get it all out now,” Hoseok says, dreading the teasing comments from his friends. Yoongi only scoffs as he pulls in the two of you for a quick greeting hug. “I’m teasing,” he says, ruffling Hoseok’s dark hair. Namjoon mirrors his hyungs greeting as well. “Good you’re finally here, so we can go inside,” he says with a sigh. “We have only been waiting for 20 minutes or so,” he adds. You find it a bit funny that Namjoon is the one scolding you for being late, since he always forgets everything and has to go back for it. “Did you remember your wallet today?” you ask him, reminding him of the time he made you all wait for two hours as he searched for his wallet, only to find it in his back pocket. “Fair enough,” he chuckles bashfully. The four of you walk towards the entrance and each buy a ticket that will allow you to take part in anything your hearts desire. You step through to the carnival with nervousness in your stomach, but clear excitement cursing through your veins. The boys might not know that this is really a carnival for kids (courtesy of Hoseok’s innocent mind), but Halloween is Halloween nevertheless, and you intend on enjoying it to the fullest. Hopefully, the boys will not hate you for it.

------------------------------------

As you start making your way around the festival, you see a light frown on Yoongi’s face. You can tell that he is starting to put the pieces together, and you fear that he might blurt out something unfortunate. Hoseok may be a scaredy-cat, but he still has his pride, and if he finds out that you dragged him to a kids’ carnival, it sure is going to plummet. So, in attempt to savior your best friend, you pull Yoongi aside, letting Namjoon and Hoseok walk ahead to subtly be excluded from the conversation. “Y/N, what is this place? Why are there so many children here?” Yoongi asks with a knowing look, seeming disappointed with the outcome of him using his money carelessly. The tickets were not expensive, but the boy really values his cash and probably would not have spent it on a place like this in a million years, if he had known. “I know, I’m sorry, but I need Hoseok to have a nice time for once on Halloween. He cannot know what this place really is, since he will think, I’m babying him,” you try to explain, hoping he will be sympathetic with your good intentions. The boy laughs dumbfoundedly. “But you are babying him, he is a grown man, he can take a scare,” Yoongi says. You look ahead, seeing your best friend trying to dodge a leaf falling towards him, like it is a bomb being dropped on his head. “Uh, have you met him?” you ask, looking back at him with furrowed brows. Having seen Hoseok’s movements as well, Yoongi sighs in defeat. “Yeah, I see your point,” he finally says. You link your arm with Yoongi’s, smiling at his agreement. “So, could you just act along for my sake?” you ask as you look at him with pleading eyes. Usually, Yoongi would not fall for such an act, but when it comes to you, all three of the boys turn to mush. The boy nods. “But you so owe me for this one,” he states firmly, still in disbelief of where he is spending the holiday this year. “Thank you, thank you,” you softly squeal as you pull him in for a quick side hug, causing him to shake his head. You look up to see the signs that point to the different activities and call for the boys that walk ahead. “This way,” you say and lead them towards the first event. The pumpkin patch. The first thing that comes to mind, when thinking of Halloween decors, is the classic carved pumpkin. You simply cannot skip it. You might not get to keep the pumpkin afterwards, since you are supposed to leave it at the festival as décor, but the activity itself is quite fun. The four of you enter the field and start searching for the perfect pumpkins for your wanted design. Yoongi and Namjoon quickly decide to share one, most likely caused by Yoongi’s disinterest, but still, he plays along. “Y/N, wanna share one?” Hoseok asks as he comes up beside you. You meet his eyes, and you realize where you are with him and immediately feel grateful for him being here with you. You really do not have the right to force him to do anything, but Hoseok, being a good friend, always complies anyways. You are thankful for that. For him. “Sure,” you smile softly, and he mirrors it. For a moment, it seems as if the lightest of blushes settles on his cheeks, but his face disappears from view, when he bends down to check on the different orange options at your feet. You join him in his crouched position, scanning your eyes across the vegetables. “This one is nice,” Hoseok says gently, running his hand over its surface, inspecting it. “I like it,” you agree, looking at the perfectly rounded and unbruised shape. He looks at you, and suddenly, you feel a bit giddy under his gaze. “Me too,” he says, eyes locked on your features.

After choosing your pumpkins, you head to the crafting area to begin carving your designs. There are mostly children at the table, and you dread that the sight will make Hoseok realize why. However, to your surprise, the boy seems oblivious, since he is not nearly observant enough to take notice. He simply sits down beside you and starts gathering the needed tools to use. “What should we make?” Hoseok asks, laying out the tools before you both. He then looks at you and waits patiently as if he will agree with anything you will suggest. You sigh, wondering. “Well, you can never go wrong with just the classic design?” you say, not really having the highest expectations to either of your skill sets. Knowing the two of you, it will probably end up a complete mess, if you actually attempt on doing something original. “Yeah, sure,” Hoseok smiles as he grabs one of the tools to begin. Looking across from you, Yoongi and Namjoon have already started emptying out their shared pumpkin. The sight is absolutely a prize to behold. Their arms are tangled together inside it as they had slightly misjudged the size of the opening, while they bicker like a married couple. Apparently, they cannot agree on who should pull out their hand first, since neither of them can really budge theirs at all. “Aish, this looks bad,” Namjoon sighs defeatedly, making his hyung tsk. “At a table full of children, we are the most childish ones,” he adds, grinningly shaking his head. The statement has Hoseok looking up, noticing the other’s around you. He frowns a bit at the sight, starting to find it strange. A sense of panic rushes through you. “What do you think this one is for?” you quickly ask, grabbing one of the odd-looking tools and hand it to Hoseok. Luckily for you, your best friend is always easily distracted, and this time is no different, making him study the object and wracking his brain for answers. “Weird,” he lets out breathily in quiet awe. You feel relieved, having dodged a bullet right there as your friend is lost in his thoughts.

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Even a classic design is apparently a challenge to get right, which your pumpkin is evidence of. “How could we make something so ugly together? Shouldn’t two minds be better than one?” you ask dumbfoundedly at how you and Hoseok could manage to create such a thing - lopsided and horrific. At least, it kind of fits the theme. “Considering that both of us only own half a brain, we really can’t count as two,” Hoseok responds, settling the pumpkin down amongst the others. He tilts his head as he rubs his hands on his jeans, studying the thing. Namjoon places their creation next to yours, which is surprisingly a sight even more horrendous. “What is that?” you spit, grinning at their failed attempt. “Well, it was supposed to be Frankenstein, but it just looks like a lot of stab-holes, really,” Namjoon says dejected, eyeing Yoongi, who seems satisfied with their results. “I like it,” Yoongi says contently before turning on his heels and having you all follow him to the next event. The carnival games. You quickly spot one with a witch-theme, grabbing onto Hoseok and pulling him towards it as the others are captured by something else. “I’m terrible at these,” Hoseok laughs, looking at the ring-toss-game. “Well, I’m good at these, so don’t worry,” you say and step up to the counter. You pay a few bucks and get to throw rings at witches’ hats for prizes. You both get a turn. You start out, since Hoseok would rather watch your techniques first, so he can try and mimic them afterwards. It’s a kids’ carnival, how hard can it be? you think to yourself smugly. Just as you had thought, it really does not take much effort to land all three of the rings, and having the worker look at you a bit suspiciously. He is probably not used to young adults playing without trying to win something for a kid, but to your defense, you are trying to win something for a kid. A prize for Hoseok. “You can choose one of these,” the worker gives in, gesturing at the different prizes on his side of the counter. Your eyes scan the options, noting the dark colors and the slightly bloody accessories. None of them really scream Jung Hoseok. Oh, wait - one does. “I’ll take the green frog eyes,” you say determined, smile evident on your face as he hands it to you. It is a brightly colored headband that will match Hoseok’s innocent features perfectly. You turn to him, finding him smiling at your success. “These are for you,” you say softly, stepping closer and gently placing it on his head. It catches him by surprise, but a pleasant one at that. You fiddle with it, trying to adjust his hair accordingly, and you fail to notice his eyes on you. He watches you in awe and adoration as if he is the luckiest guy in the world to be receiving this gift from you. The headband. The friendship. Oh, the friendship, he thinks to himself, feeling it rib at his heart. Yet the feeling is nothing new. He has gotten used to it, keeping it fondly as a reminder that at least he has you in his life, even if it is only as his best friend. “There, perfect,” you say, dropping your eyes from the top of his head to meet his intimate ones, and there is no greater sight in the world. Truly beautiful. “My turn,” Hoseok then says, stepping past you and placing his money in the hands of the worker, who hands him his rings. Hoseok is determined to win. He licks his lips as he eyes the witch hats, turning the first ring a few times in his hand to get a feel of its weight. Suddenly, the technicalities are extremely important. He has three rings and three shots - and he cannot afford to miss. You find it amusing to watch him turn so serious, but you hold back your giggles, not wanting to interrupt his intense self. He finally decides to throw. One by one, they each land perfectly on a hat, and Hoseok's reaction is more than priceless. “I did it!” he shrieks with pure excitement, clapping his hands together vigorously. You join in, giving him a tight side hug that has his heart fluttering. “As before, you can choose one of these,” the worker says unbothered, gesturing to the prizes. “The frog eyes,” Hoseok says contently. The worker hands them to him, and Hoseok immediately turns to you with a headband matching his own. “For you,” he says, mirroring your earlier actions and placing the green prize on your head. “Perfect,” he says, and you hope that the blush on your cheeks is not too obvious for him to notice.

---------------------------------------

After spending several hours at the carnival, walking, talking, eating candy till your teeth rot, the sun is slowly setting and darkness peeks through, but Hoseok is not worried. To be honest, it does not feel as Halloween usually does. He feels a lot calmer and more collected than he had feared, and with you by his side, he is actually enjoying himself. Surprisingly so, considering October 31st is the only day, he absolutely dreads spending with you. Not because of your freakish obsession or because of your sugar rush-like self, but because of him. He dreads embarrassing himself in front of you. Again. The memory of him, peeing his pants in front of the girl he likes, is the single most horrific Halloween memory of them all, even though a lot has scarred him through time. Since then, he has not trusted himself around you and horror at once. He knows, he is a scaredy-cat, but around you, he does not want to be. Tonight kind of feels like he does not have to. It feels as if he can be his normally sensitive self, knowing you will only find him enjoyable as your best friend. “Let’s go in there,” you whisper to him, pointing at the entrance to the corn maze. Yoongi and Namjoon have been long gone, since they found bumper cars, claiming it takes them back to their childhood. Luckily, Hoseok had not paid their wording any thought. “Sure,” Hoseok says slightly nervous. He knows that there is most likely nothing to be afraid of, but it reminds him of the halls of the haunted house, and how actors in costumes jumped out to scare him. It had been one particularly scary clown that had triggered his embarrassing release. But there are no clowns in a corn maze, right? he asks himself internally, trying to keep his cool. He really hopes, he is right. You notice the vague look of panic in his eyes and take his hand in yours to console him. “Don’t worry,” you say softly as you look at him, and he visibly seems to calm before you. His eyes are locked on your face as you go through the entrance, entering the land of the corn. You both look around, noticing how quiet it suddenly seems as you walk the paths premade. It seems as though no one else is trying their luck in the maze at this time, and it makes it all the more enjoyable for the two of you. Your hands are interlocked, your breaths slightly visible in the air from the cool temperature of the evening, and your hearts beating a slow matching pace. You switch turns to pick a path and lead each other further into the unknown. “I like how quiet it is,” you say gently, not wanting to pierce the silence too harshly. “Me too,” Hoseok answers back in awe at the calmness. He halts in his movements to look up, which causes you to stop too, hand still interlocked in his. “Wow,” he says. You look up as well to see what he sees, and your eyes are met with the sight of thousands of stars painted on the canvas of the sky like artwork. A mesmerizing view. “You do not get views like this in the city,” he says, and you feel the way his hand tightens gently around yours as if he is afraid to let you go. If only he knew that leaving him will never be an option for you.  Slowly, you see him lowering his eyes to your face instead, studying you being captured by beauty for a minute as he, himself, is captured by something just as beautiful. “Y/N,” he says, causing you to meet his gaze. You look at him with still widened eyes, trying to take in everything the ability of sight as to offer at this moment. You wait patiently for the words to come. “I love you,” he says simply. No sarcasm, no goofy laughs, no forced positivity - just words. Words with deeper meaning than the universe itself. Words that warms up your entire body as they leave him. Words, pretty words. He steps closer to you, and his free hand comes up to rest gently against your cheek. “I love you,” he repeats in that same tone, sending another rush through you to join the first one. It has you stepping onto your toes and placing your lips on his, hands around his neck to pull him in. He holds your waist to claim you as his, and nothing worries you at that. You are his, and he is yours. Have been and always will be. The kiss ends, and you are left once again to stare into those beautiful orbs of his that hold nothing but truth. “Does this mean I convinced you about Halloween?” you ask giggling, causing him to grin with disbelief, but adoration nonetheless. “Yes,” he nods. “Halloween is actually pretty cool”.

[euroman1945-blog]

The Daily Thistle

The Daily Thistle – News From Scotland

Saturday 14th July 2018

"Madainn Mhath” …Fellow Scot, I hope the day brings joy to you…. Are you all set for the weekend, shopping, visit to family and or friends, maybe packing to catch a plane or take a trip, or what about a trip to the movies, my good friends, whatever it is carry on doing it … don't let the terrible thing that happened in Nice, London, Berlin, Paris or Manchester affect what you do, if it does the terrorist has won and we will never get our lives back again, I still walk my friend and companion Bella at 4am in a town full of people from Arabic countries and I will until it's my turn to get off this little blue planet, NO, I am not trying to be a hero, I'm a realist, the chance of that happening to me are slim and none, and you Gentle Reader, no matter where you are, the UK, Europe, United States of America or any other country in the world have the same odds, what the terrorist wants is YOU and ME to think we are next, and we are not, you have much more chance of being hit by a bus than being a statistic in a terror attack, so don't sit in the house worried, enjoy life, smell the Tulip's go down the Pub/Bar have fun and enjoy your selves, on this little blue planet we call Earth as we spin through space and time together.....

INSTALLATION OF SPEED CAMERA SCHEME ON A90 THAT ‘WILL SAVE LIVES’ GETS UNDER WAY…. The installation of average speed cameras along a notorious stretch of road has begun. Thirty average speed cameras will be installed on the A90 between Dundee and Stonehaven this year. Yesterday, a camera, signs and apparatus to hold more average speed cameras were installed – the first of the cameras which will be placed between three and four miles apart. There will be 15 on each side of the carriageway, similar to the system already in place between Perth and Dunblane. Sandra Burke, chairwoman of Tealing Community Council, said the initiative was going to “save lives”. She said: “We really welcome the installation of the average speed cameras. “The thing about Tealing is that it bridges the A90 so we have cars, tractors and other vehicles in the community crossing the road. “The cameras can potentially save lives.” Sandra said the community council believes a reduction in the speed limit on the road — from 70mph to 50mph — would be the next step in ensuring the safety of the public. She added: “We are pushing for a reduction in the speed limit but we believe that the average speed camera installation is a step forward for us.” Luke Macauley, head of the Scottish Safety Camera Programme, is one of the key people behind the scheme. Previously, he spoke to The Daily Thistle when the introduction of the cameras was announced and insisted the move would see fatal crash statistics drop. He said: “We install these cameras to save lives and improve road safety. “Unfortunately, the A90 features as one of the trunk roads with the highest collision statistics. “One death is one too many and you’ll get no apologies from us for doing what we can to reduce that.” The A90 cameras will be the third such scheme in Scotland, following the introduction of average speed stretches on the A77 in Ayrshire in 2005 and the A9 between Dunblane and Inverness in 2014. The cameras work by detecting vehicles’ number plates and using the time they take to travel from one camera to the next to calculate an average speed. Figures from Transport Scotland show more than 13,000 speeding offences were logged on the A90 by speed cameras in 2015 — accounting for 20% of the total number recorded in Scotland.

SCOT MURDERED AT HOME IN MAURITIUS…. A Scottish woman has been murdered in a robbery at her home in Mauritius while her young son was in the house. It is thought Janice Farman, 47, may have been smothered by the thieves, who stole jewellery and money then drove away in her car. Police were called to the property at Albion on the Indian Ocean island at about 1am on Friday and found Ms Farman’s body in her bed. Officers also found her 10-year-old autistic son in the property and have passed him into the care of the child development unit. Police have launched an investigation and are hunting three suspects. The car has been found and will be examined by specialists. Ms Farman, thought to be originally from Clydebank, was the managing director of PECS Data Services in Mauritius.

BOOZED-UP PARTY-GOER BREAKS PELVIS JUMPING THROUGH WINDOW AFTER POLICE ARRIVED….  A booze-fuelled man, 20, threw a TV from a second-floor window before jumping through it himself when police arrived – breaking his pelvis. The “dangerous” act left Stefan Shelton hospitalised. He carried out the offence after drinking at a party – and said he had no memory of the incident. Shelton appeared at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and admitted a charge of behaving in a culpable and reckless manner by throwing the TV from the window at a flat on the city’s Justice Street, on to a footpath below. The offence took place on September 8 last year. According to the Evening Express, defence agent Les Green said: “This would appear to be a party he was invited to. “He drank far too much.” The court was told that there was mobile phone video footage recorded of the incident. Mr Green said: “He has no recollection of doing this at all. “From what I’ve heard from the footage people are chanting and urging him to throw the TV out the window. “He responded to the pressure, it was a stupid thing to do.” The defence agent also told the court: “When police arrived he jumped out the same window and broke his pelvis.” Mr Green added that Shelton was aware of the “danger” his actions had posed to those below on the street. He said: “He has not drank since. “He got a shock when I suggested this is something the court could impose a custodial sentence for. “He tells me now he has had something of a shock to his system.” Shelton, whose address was given in court papers as Whitehill Place, Peterhead, was fined £250 by Sheriff Christine McCrossan. Sentencing Shelton, Sheriff McCrossan said she wanted the 20-year-old to realise how “dangerous” his actions were, citing the case of a person who threw a traffic cone from a bridge in Edinburgh, leaving the person it struck paralysed.

FORGOTTEN SECOND WORLD WAR AIR SHELTER DISCOVERED BY WORKERS…. Workers installing one of Scotland’s largest solar panel projects have unearthed a lost piece of military history. Contractors were cutting back shrubbery during the work at a waste treatment plant in Montrose when they discovered a preserved air raid shelter from the Second World War. The shelter was part of the former RAF Montrose site, just off the Angus coast. The old base is said to be haunted by the ghost of a pilot who crashed at the site back in 1913. Mari Davies, the project manager for Scottish Water Horizons who is carrying out the solar panel work, said the discovery was “interesting”. She said: “The site was overgrown and we had to do a bit of work first to remove the dense shrubbery. “Having liaised with the local council, we knew that in the past the area could have been home to munitions and radioactive material, all remnants of the Second World War. “Thankfully nothing hazardous was uncovered which meant we were able to carry on with the work. “However once we’d cleared the land, we made the unexpected discovery of the air raid shelter. Although an interesting find, it did mean we have to alter our plans slightly to fit round it.” “The treatment works also sits on part of what was RAF Montrose which is said to be haunted by the ghost of Lieutenant Desmond Arthur, a pilot who crashed there in 1913. There have been many sightings of him over the years, but luckily none of our contractors had any paranormal experiences.

DUNDEE WOMAN SLAMS ‘LAUGHABLE’ MOMENT SHOP IN ENGLAND TURNS DOWN HER SCOTTISH BANK NOTE…. A Dundee woman has spoken of her “frustration” after being turned away after attempting to hand over Scottish notes in a shop in England. Diane Drysdale had been enjoying an anniversary break with husband Clive in the Lake District, Cumbria, at the start of the week. After travelling down on Monday, the couple prepared to head back up the road to Kirkton after an enjoyable trip. However, their break turned sour after they and nipped into the Spar shop in Appleby-in-Westmorland on Tuesday night. Diane described the episode as “laughable”. The 42-year-old explained: “We went into the shop for a couple of bits and pieces for travelling. “We went to hand over a Scottish note and the woman immediately said: ‘No, we can’t take that’.” Diane added that the shop worker pointed them in the direction of a cash machine outside. Thankfully for Diane, the store was quiet at the time and her embarrassment was kept to a minimum. She added: “Yes, we could have just used our card, but that’s not the point. It was only a couple of pounds-worth of stuff. It was also pouring of rain and we were told we’d have to go out to get cash. “We were in Turkey recently, a country outwith the EU, and they accepted our Sterling but a few miles down the road in England we can’t use it?” Diane posted her complaint on the Spar Facebook page, to which they responded that the shopkeeper should have accepted the cash, but said they’d look into it. Since then, the Dundonian hasn’t heard back from the national retailer and has described the situation as “frustrating”. A spokeswoman for Spar said: “We try very hard to make sure that our customers have a positive shopping experience with us and in this instance we are very sorry for any inconvenience caused to Ms Drysdale.” By law, Scottish bank notes are legal currency and have no reason not to be accepted – other than at the discretion of the shop. The Association of Commercial Banknote Issuers states: “The acceptability of any means of payment, including banknotes, is essentially a matter for agreement between the parties involved.”

On that note I will say that I hope you have enjoyed the news from Scotland today,

Our look at Scotland today is of the eerie light through the trees near the Falls of Clyde, captured by John McElwee....

A Sincere Thank You for your company and Thank You for your likes and comments I love them and always try to reply, so please keep them coming, it's always good fun, As is my custom, I will go and get myself another mug of "Colombian" Coffee and wish you a safe Saturday 14th July 2018 from my home on the southern coast of Spain, where the blue waters of the Alboran Sea washes the coast of Africa and Europe and the smell of the night blooming Jasmine and Honeysuckle fills the air…and a crazy old guy and his dog Bella go out for a walk at 4:00 am…on the streets of Estepona…

All good stuff....But remember it’s a dangerous world we live in

Be safe out there…

Robert McAngus #Scotland #Spain #Travel #Coffee #News #Blog #Dundee

[lucids]

11 Years Old Naomi Wadler Says 'Remember the Black Female Victims of Gun Violence'.

[Hundreds of Black Females have been killed by gun violence and few recognize their deaths.]

The story behind 11-year-old Naomi Wadler and her March for Our Lives speech.

The youngest speaker at the March for Our Lives rally Saturday made one of the biggest splashes with an eloquent speech urging the nation not to forget black women, who are disproportionately represented among the victims of gun violence.

Naomi Wadler, an Alexandria fifth-grader, became a hashtag, a meme shared around the world, praised by celebrities who included actress Lupita Nyong’o and comedian Eddie Griffin. The 11-year-old was heralded as future presidential material.

But Wadler hasn’t seen any of that: She’s not on social media.

“I have been accustomed to not Google myself, so I haven’t seen everything,” Wadler said Sunday in a phone interview during her spring break beach trip. “My speech might not have caused a giant impact on society, but I do hope all the black girls and women realize there’s a growing value for them.”

That was the focus of her 3-minute, 30-second speech, which was repeatedly interrupted by roars of applause.

‘Never again!’ Students demand action on guns in nation’s capital.

“I am here to acknowledge and represent the African American girls whose stories don’t make the front page of every national newspaper, whose stories don’t lead on the evening news,” Wadler said. “I represent the African American women who are victims of gun violence, who are simply statistics instead of vibrant, beautiful girls full of potential.”

“For far too long, these names, these black girls and women, have been just numbers,” Wadler later said. “I’m here to say ‘Never again’ for those girls, too.”

Many of the young people who spoke Saturday had personal experiences surviving shootings or losing loved ones to gun violence.

The path that took Wadler, who likes to sing, run and play tennis, to a worldwide stage started when the mass shooting at a high school in Parkland, Fla., inspired her to activism.

Her mother, Julie Wadler, sat her down to talk about the shooting and shared a personal connection: A friend from high school, Fred Guttenberg, lost his daughter Jaime in the Parkland shooting.

Naomi Wadler was thinking about what she could do when she saw reports of high school and middle school students planning walkouts on the one-month anniversary of the Feb. 14 shooting. She and classmate Carter Anderson, a friend since kindergarten thought: Why not elementary school students, too?

So, they organized a walkout at Alexandria’s George Mason Elementary School.

Like thousands of other students who helped organize walkouts, they wanted the disruption to last 17 minutes in honor of the 17 Parkland victims. But they decided to add an extra minute in memory of Courtlin Arrington, a 17-year old black girl who was shot to death at her Alabama high school March 7. That shooting, three weeks after Parkland, received far less national media attention.

Arrington, a high school senior, had been accepted to college and planned to become a nurse.

A study published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention last summer found that black women were more than twice as likely to be killed, and the most likely of any racial group to be shot to death.

“It’s subconsciously embedded into peoples’ minds that somebody with a darker complexion is worth less and their life isn’t as valuable as a white girl or man’s,” Wadler said.

Wadler also spoke at a gun violence forum hosted by her congressman, Rep. Don Beyer (D-Va.).

Her walkout garnered some media attention that made the rounds on social media. March for Our Lives organizers also noticed.

While Wadler wanted to attend the D.C. march, her family suggested they go to a sister march instead so that they could proceed with their spring break vacation as planned.

Those plans changed Thursday when a march organizer called Julie Wadler and asked if her daughter would speak. Naomi agreed without hesi­ta­tion.

George Clooney, one of the celebrities who bankrolled the march, called Thursday, too, and mentioned he watched her interview with NowThis.

“He said he loved how I spoke so eloquently and the message I was trying to get across, and I was kind of like, ‘Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Okay,” said Wadler, who hasn’t seen any of Clooney’s movies but has watched him give interviews.

At first, she worried that talking about black women would be off topic. But then she found out other students from all over would speak from their experiences, and she felt comfortable telling her story as a black girl disappointed by how stories about gun violence involving people who look like her don’t incite the same outrage and sympathy. Or garner the same media attention.

Wadler was born in Ethi­o­pia and attends a school where nearly six in 10 students are white, a third are Hispanic and 6 percent are black. Her mom is white, and her dad, a recreational hunter, is black.

“We are a family that watches the news. She wants to know why on the news they identify black people as black, and not white people as white,” Julie Wadler said. “She wants to know why Trayvon Martin was shot. She wants to know why Philando Castile was shot. Her father is black, and she wants to know, does she have to worry about him being stopped and killed?

“She’s an aware kid,” she said. “To listen to the past two years of our world and inside the Beltway, conversations about race are dinner table conversation for us.”

On Saturday, a driver picked up Wadler and her mother to take them to the rally, and she sang “Rise Up,” by Andra Day, during the ride.

Backstage, she met Clooney, as well as director Steven Spielberg and rapper/activist Common. She was more excited to meet the Parkland student activists whom she admired, including Emma González and Jaclyn Corin, who now have her email.

Wadler also bonded with Yolanda Renee King, Martin Luther King’s 9-year-old grand-daughter who took the stage to pump the crowd up. When it was Wadler’s time to speak, nerves were setting in.

“I tend to be a pretty catastrophic thinker when it comes to these things,” Wadler said. “I think, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to die, am I going to die?’ I need lifesaving serum.”

She needn’t have worried.

Her presentation went smoothly and drew widespread praise for directly tackling how race plays into society’s reactions to gun violence.

Beyond the substance of Wadler’s remarks, many were impressed by the eloquence and poise of an elementary school student speaking on the national stage.

“Wow wow Naomi Wadler. She is ELEVEN YEARS OLD. And smarter than us all,” tweeted Guardian columnist Jessica Valenti.

After the speech, Wadler gave her mother a big hug and joined her friends Carter, Matt and Lily to watch the rally from the audience. When she got home, she found a note left on the door by a friend telling her she’d done a great job. Teachers emailed her mother with praise.

On Sunday, her mother casually mentioned on the drive to the beach that “Black Panther” star and Oscar winner Nyong’o had given her a shout-out on Instagram. “She screamed so loud that I thought I lost my hearing for a month,” Julie Wadler said.

-

Source:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/the-story-behind-11-year-old-naomi-wadler-and-her-march-for-our-lives-speech/2018/03/25/3a6dccdc-3058-11e8-8abc-22a366b72f2d_story.html?utm_term=.38225b6a5b99

[psychomoxxie]

Grief, COVID, and Brain Cooties

It’s been a long while, my Little Kumquats. I’ve been, like most people on the Mentally Interesting spectrum during this whole COVID thing, trying to Keep It Together.

 Seriously, this is the worst apocalypse ever. Not even any zombies or cool outfits. FUCK this.

 I’ve been working on my book, with a Hell of a lot of success, actually, up until about 2 weeks ago and I hit a major writers block wall, when I started writing about my son, as always happens. Ten years after his death and I still hit a wall when I start writing about certain aspects of his life and subsequent passing.

 One of these days I’ll get my shit together about all that.

Anyway, so the ten year anniversary of his death was a couple weeks ago, and since then I’ve been really struggling. I’ve had to take my PRN anti-crazy med like 5 times this month, which is more than I’ve had to take the damn thing in the past year. And not for voices or delusional thinking anything like that, but for just…rage. Anxiety and rage. I have a nifty sort of psychosis and risperdal covers all my symptoms nicely. I sometimes think it would be a good idea if I were living on a deserted island with nothing but animals (which are the only creatures that don’t piss me off when I get like this) with some of the shit that goes through my head when the Mean Reds hit. It’s ugly, people. Like, Dexter type ugly. It’s really good that my psychiatrist and I agree that I have a firm sense of self-awareness, can monitor my symptoms, and know when it’s time to take a chill pill. Literally.

Honestly, I bet most people have these terrible impulses from time to time, it’s just that with me…well let’s just say I have a lot more buried rage than most. And fantasies of vigilantism. Picture me in a Catwoman outfit, putting those years of Hapkido and gun training to use on these mean streets of Chicago, swooping down on rapists and Jehovas Witnesses – like with a sword and maybe a Glock. Because I’m only 117 lbs and not completely stupid.

 But anyway.

So yeah. Meds.

 My depression has been abysmal these days, like we’re talking suicidal ideation in the wee hours after killing ¾ of a bottle of wine abysmal in that week of the anniversary. I’m just pulling out of it a bit now, but it was bad. One reason it was extra shit was this guy I was involved with chose that week to break it off with me (yeah, he knew, the little darling); so that just put things into a shitty tailspin of turbo depression for me. I’m doing better with it now — it was long distance, doomed to fail, yahta yahta…but it hurt. I haven’t been in ANY kind of relationship in over three years so to open myself up like that, even for a couple months, was a bit devastating when it ended.

I suppose I’m just sort of an idiot for getting myself in the situation to begin with, but hey — we feel what we feel. That’s sort of the whole point. It’s just that I don’t generally feel deeply for people very often. I have a very small pool of people I give a fuck about, and that’s it. And so when a person gets in, it’s hard for me to let go.

 And that is a problem.

My solution is to cut him off. I have to. And I miss him like Hell. But also fuck him for lying to me.

 But anyway, the depression thing. Exacerbating that whole thing is I’m having a damn Hashimotos (and now, one doc is thinking possibly Lupus) autoimmune flare up, which is just making me feel shittier. I’m cutting WAY back on the booze which was necessary because every damn year I just drink myself into oblivion on the anniversary, which does not mix well with my mental state, my meds, or my health in general. Last night I nursed some wine spritzer and left glass #3 sitting on my nightstand for the cat to knock over. Progress.

I did take a week off to visit my friends M and L and their lovely rugrats in Madison, which was fantastic and I had a great time just getting out of my own head and getting out of the house FINALLY…but I think the constant activity just shunted me into getting sick.

 AND THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

 So thank God I work from home and my boss understands the situation so I can lay here in bed like an 18th Century tubercular Irish wastrel watching stand-up comedy on YouTube, and Horror movies on Prime.

This COVID shit makes everything so fucking crazy. I take one trip now that things are getting loosened up a bit, and it just so happens that M is an epidemiologist. So we look at the numbers for the rate of infection, and they are increasing at an alarming rate (duh) after all the riots. While I was there on my visit, the bars in their county got closed down again. The second wave is upon us, folks. And me, having already had it once…

 Oh, yeah. I had it way back in the beginning. Didn’t I mention that?

 …I really don’t want it again, particularly since I’m already immunocompromised as it is. That shit was no joke, guys. I’ve never been so sick in my life. I still don’t feel 100% right, and I’ve been “Well” now for about a month.

 Point being (yes I know, I’m rambling – this is my brain right now), it looks like things are going to be getting locked down again real soon, and I am going to lose my fucking mind. Maybe we Mentally Interesting types should get together and make some kind of an online forum or something so we can bitch at each other and not make the poor normally functioning people around us crazy…

 Just an idea.

If I can get my head together enough to make it happen, and lockdown really does slam us for another couple of months, maybe I’ll actually do it.

In the meantime, I’m coming back to this blog so I don’t completely go off the deep end, because I already feel better after writing just this little bit here after stewing in my own brain juices all this time. Writing a book and writing in here are two very different things, it turns out. Because I don’t get to let out all the crazy when I’m writing for public, publishable consumption, turns out.

 Anyway. So I’m back now. Slowly clawing my way out of this dismal pit of my own emotional sludge. It’s become kind of like this nasty, subterranean sewage system that hasn’t been flushed out in weeks. I really need my writing to get it all moving so I don’t drown in my own shit.

 Nobody else in the world might ever read this absurd spewage but me, but that really doesn’t matter. It’s what’s keeping me alive right now.

Well, that and my two cats would be sad and the neurotic feral one would possibly die without me. It ain’t much, but that’s what I got right now.

I’ll be back tomorrow.

[shanedakotamuir]

Watchmen wants us to know one thing: We’re all being used by those with power

Looking Glass seems to have a very full life. | HBO

The show delves into Looking Glass’s past — and revisits one of the most memorable moments from the comic.

After playing footsie with the original Watchmen comic for four weeks, the new TV show’s fifth episode — “Little Fear of Lightning” — dumps us straight into one of the comic’s most famous moments: the “interdimensional” squid attack on New York that kills 3 million people and does grave psychic damage to even more.

The event, as those who’ve read the comic know, is a plot cooked up by Ozymandias to avoid nuclear war and maybe bring about world peace. Known to the public as an “attack” by beings from another dimension, it manages to bring the US and USSR closer together, leading to the version of America we see in the series, where the Robert Redford administration is nearing its 30-year anniversary but where the tensions of the Cold War no longer seem relevant to the world at large.

As we learn in “Little Fear of Lightning,” it’s a deep, dark secret, held closely by a very small few, that the squid didn’t come from another dimension but was instead manifested right here on Earth. And among the people who were affected by its arrival are Steven Spielberg (who made a very Schindler’s List-esque movie about the squid) and our own Looking Glass, who narrowly escaped death at the squid’s nasty tentacles as a teen, then saw his life scarred by having been so close to such a devastating occurrence.

Just like Watchmen’s third episode, “Little Fear of Lightning” is a character showcase, following Looking Glass for nearly its entire running time. (We check in on Adrian Veidt briefly, and he does seem to be in space, spelling out a message using all of the corpses he’s been generating. This show!) But “Lightning” tells a darker and sadder story about what it means to live in a world where you survived an experience that’s roughly as rare — and even more likely to kill you — as being struck by lightning. It’s about survivor’s guilt. But it’s also about realizing that the world is built atop a lie.

To dig further into that theme, I (Vox critic at large Emily VanDerWerff) am joined by Vox associate culture editor Allegra Frank and culture writer Constance Grady to break down “Little Fear of Lightning,” from the Seventh Kavalry to James Wolk’s inherent shiftiness to squids galore.

Times Square: Now with 100 percent more squid

HBO

Looking Glass takes off his mask for a bit.

Emily: In the build-up to director Zack Snyder’s 2009 adaptation of Watchmen for the big screen, all involved agreed to change the ending of the original comic. Despite a slavish faithfulness to the comic’s images (if not exactly its themes) in the rest of the film, it was thought that a giant squid landing in Times Square would be too much for people to process. Instead, the movie suggested that Doctor Manhattan had created some sort of energy pulse that leveled much of Manhattan, thus necessitating his move to Mars.

It honestly wasn’t a bad story shift — it gave Doctor Manhattan a more easily understandable motivation to bail on Earth, at least (if you, for some reason, believe a godlike blue man would have understandable motivations, which I might quibble with). But I’m so, so happy the squid (Squidley? Squidward? Squidbert?) exists in the world of HBO’s Watchmen to destroy this fictional version of New York. True to the spirit of this project, “Little Fear of Lightning” writers Damon Lindelof and Carly Wray (another The Leftovers alum) and director Steph Green pull out resonances with the 9/11 attacks but also the ways we use pop culture to process these sorts of horrors.

What’s most notable, however, is how the opening flashback makes viewers feel the sheer gutting horror of that moment and how it would have reverberated in the decades to come. Allegra: I don’t know how spoiled you are on the comic, but how did you feel about the squid? Was it a bridge too far for you, as the movie’s creative team feared it would be for their 2009 audience? Or are you going to share a recipe for delicious calamari with me, so excited are you by the prospects of a giant cephalopod?

Allegra: I’ve become increasingly “spoiled” on the original Watchmen comic in my weeks-long quest to grasp what’s happening on the TV show. So I was aware of the squid attack — but only in the abstract. This week’s episode visualized what I interpreted as a very bizarre method of mass destruction and proved how terrifying that kind of experience could be.

The cold open rendered a young Looking Glass the equivalent of that classic horror movie trope, the Final Girl: He’s a teenage boy thrust into a situation where he could possibly lose his virginity, but the moment never comes to bear. His sexual anxiety, and the virginal purity that, in horror movies at least, establishes him as a rare moralist, ends up saving his life in the end. Looking Glass finds himself alone after a devastating, sudden, inexplicable mass casualty.

This scene helped to ease me, the sensitive viewer, into the idea of the squid attack because we saw only the aftermath and not the act of the killing itself. It’s still a shocking moment and a horrifying image to see hundreds of dead bodies lying on the ground, but I don’t think the scene veered too far into the ostentatious, as HBO has made no effort to hide how disturbed the show’s version of 2019 Tulsa is.

And on a plausibility level, that all those deaths were the effect of a squid that apparently came from another dimension doesn’t quite phase me — five episodes in, a squid attack feels normal enough for Watchmen, despite its inherent absurdity. It’s the impact of the attack that is meaningful, sculpting Looking Glass into the lonely, sexually repressed man we’ve come to know in the episode’s contemporary storyline.

On the inherent shiftiness of James Wolk

HBO

Yes, we’re aware this is technically Jeremy Irons right beneath a subhead about James Wolk.

Constance: I’m coming into this show pretty unspoiled. All of my knowledge of the comic comes from the time a friend who read it 10 years ago summarized it for me, and I came away with a vague understanding of something something giant squid, something something blue penis. But even with minimal knowledge of the comic, the squid attack still lands; it’s a moment of pure Lovecraftian horror, and I absolutely buy that it would traumatize Looking Glass forever. Which only makes it all the more heartbreaking when he realizes that this horrific event that has shaped his life forever was a lie.

The other big reveal this episode comes when we find out that James Wolk’s affable gentleman senator Joe Keane is the leader of the Seventh Kavalry, and that he apparently saw his leadership as half of a partnership with the now-dead Judd as the chief of the police. For me, that twist wasn’t exactly surprising, but it was immensely satisfying, because it’s such a good use of Wolk’s inherent shiftiness.

Maybe it’s because I’m most familiar with Wolk from his role as Mad Men’s Bob “NOT GREAT” Benson, but anytime I see him onscreen, I feel incapable of trusting him. (Well, I trust him to inspire some truly iconic gifs, but that’s it.) Or maybe it’s because he’s so handsome: it only stands to reason that anyone with a face that symmetrical has to be hiding something. (Incidentally, this is why I think Armie Hammer is going to be great as Maxim De Winter in the forthcoming Rebecca. Obviously he has something to hide, because why else would he be so tall?) Regardless, I’ve been slowly going insane watching him slither around the sidelines of every Watchmen scene with his good ol’ boy accent and his Kennedy-lite posture, so the reveal that he is the man behind the curtains of the Seventh Kavalry is fantastically gratifying.

But the reveal is also thematically compelling, because it gets at an idea that seems fundamental to the Watchmen universe: The state and the terrorists are in on everything together. They are run by the same self-interested billionaires who think of the rest of us as their pawns and turn us against each other for their own purposes. All of the systems are corrupt, and escaping them is nearly impossible. All we’re left with is individuals trying to do their best to survive in a broken world.

Allegra, how did the Seventh Kavalry reveal work for you? Do you think there’s any possibility for hope left in the Watchmen world?

Allegra: Before I answer your question, I have to say your read on James Wolk (and Armie Hammer!) has deeply wounded me. But maybe that’s because you’re right about him — I can’t help but trust a beautiful man like Wolk’s Senator Keene when he wants me to believe he’s on the side of justice. That smile! That perfectly combed hair! Those bright, twinkling eyes! I’m a superficial goon, is what I’m saying, easily manipulated by pretty boys.

As such, Keene’s connection to the Seventh Kavalry gutted me. I yelled at my screen as he and other men and women we’d thought were good guys pulled off their Rorschach masks. How is it that so many of the people we’ve gotten to know in Tulsa deceived Angela, Laurie, and Looking Glass so easily and so totally? Their involvement is evidence that Adrian Veidt’s giant squid attack was not an end-all, be-all, but instead the impetus for decades of selfish behavior on the part of uncaring rich men looking to gain control over an unsuspecting public with dwindling resources.

But I don’t think that necessarily dictates a hopeless situation going forward. For starters, tying the Seventh Kavalry reveal to Looking Glass’s storyline — he being a survivor of this sort of selfish behavior in the truest sense — offers the kind of motivation that should undoubtedly empower those who do remain on the side of good.

This mass destruction via cephalopod, whether or not it was justified in the service of preventing a nuclear war, has all kinds of ramifications — from Looking Glass walking out of that carnival hall of mirrors to find hundreds of dead bodies, to Angela learning that her closest friend and mentor was never supporting her cause in the first place. These are devastating truths, but they’re also ones that I very much expect to embolden our heroes in this otherwise nihilistic world.

What about you, Emily? Do you think Looking Glass will find he power within him to share Veidt’s secret about the squid attack with Angela and company?

Will Looking Glass even survive, tho?

HBO

Laurie and Looking Glass have a chat.

Emily: Before this episode, I wasn’t sure if Looking Glass was one of my favorite characters because he was so inherently compelling, or because Tim Blake Nelson is such a terrific actor. After this episode, I feel comfortable saying: It’s both.

The shattered quality that young Looking Glass carries out of that hall of mirrors moves forward with him into the current Tulsa timeline, and it’s the same shattered quality that is a major part of why he betrays Angela at episode’s end. To be sure, the Seventh Kavalry has revealed to him that much of his life has been based on a lie. But instead of telling his friend about this lie, he betrays her.

Before this episode aired, one of our colleagues was talking about how they didn’t want to see Looking Glass revealed as a secret racist. But what “Little Fear of Lightning” does with the character is almost sadder. Looking Glass isn’t an overt racist. He knows enough to say “woke” things like “He was a white man in Oklahoma” when Angela finds that KKK hood in Judd’s closet. But he’s also bound to something terrible by dint of who he is. In the complicated logistics of Watchmen’s plot, that terrible something is a conspiracy to keep the wool pulled over the world’s eyes.

But on a metaphorical level, the story plays as a muted horror movie about trying to do the right thing and still being roped in with the worst kinds of people because of how structural power works. Which is to say: Watchmen remains a show about whiteness, and Looking Glass is perhaps the most potent example of how you can be a truly kind and compassionate human being and still have a lot to answer for, including stuff that you maybe weren’t even aware of.

That’s what’s so provocative about the Seventh Kavalry being rooted in a truth. One of the details of the original Watchmen that makes me so uncomfortable is that Rorschach — the violent sadist and borderline fascist — is ultimately right about a lot of what he’s saying. It’s just that his methods (secrecy and paranoia) distort the narrative so much that he ceases to be someone worth emulating. He even ceases to be a reliable narrator, despite the fact that he’s often telling the truth.

But this season has revolved around twin secrets buried and kept away from those who most need to know them. The Seventh Kavalry revelation has the most immediate bearing on the plot — in that yes, other characters should probably know who was responsible for that squid attack — but the Tulsa massacre has the most immediate bearing on us in the audience, where words like “massacre” have only recently been applied to what history has often dubbed as a “race riot.” Buried secrets fester and become infected. But we can’t help but bury secrets.

At any rate, maybe Looking Glass won’t have to worry about any of the above much longer. As “Little Fear of Lightning” ends, a whole host of Seventh Kavalry gunmen are entering his house, seemingly to kill him. I hope he makes it through. After all: He’s played by Tim Blake Nelson, and it’s a delight to see him on our screens every week.

Constance: Looking Glass really is a fantastic character because he’s such a good example of how you can be both complicit in oppressive systems, and also the pawn of people with a lot more power than you have.

Looking Glass is obviously being used, and he knows it. He’s been used his whole life, arguably first by the church that sent him out into the world as a teen missionary, then by Adrian Veidt and his squid, then by Judd and the Tulsa police force, and now by Keane and the Seventh Kavalry. He’s a man whose superpower is being able to tell when someone is lying to him, but he has still spent his life being lied to and manipulated by all the people and all the systems that he trusted in.

And by extension, so have most of the other people in the Watchmen universe, including Angela and Laurie. And by further extension, so have we. So the question then becomes: What do we do when we learn that we are being used?

Looking Glass responds by deciding to let Keane and the Seventh Kavalry use him. He doubles down on his complicity. What we have yet to see is how the rest of the characters in this world will react to the idea that the people they trust are using them as pawns — and whether this world allows for the possibility of breaking free of your complicity all together.

from Vox - All https://ift.tt/2Ol79dB