#yes! I support multiple interpretations and that is often the goal of the writing and I LOVE SEEING THEM!!

[dreadfutures]

this post has been interrupted by a shepherd's crook coming out and yanking me away from the keyboard

[tundrainafrica]

So I see your a LeviHan shipper!! I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite?? Maybe you could explain that a little through a list? But anyways I hope your week has been good so far, Sav. Have a good day/night!!!! - Signed by Your Secret Santa 🎄

Hello! Thank you for asking about my week (and my ship). 

I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite? 

To answer that first question...

You’re in for a long rollercoaster ride of a rant because I don’t think I’m the type of person to ship anything to the point of writing domestic fluff fics unless the I felt really really drawn to the ship. 

Anyway, (slight) spoilers abound! Will keep manga spoilers subtle, mostly Levihan scenes.

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

1. The ship did not move the plot. The plot moved the ship.

Attack on Titan is not a romance or a shojo, if it’s not fairly obvious from any chapter you would randomly read. As a reader, I would have expected it to fall short with pairings. Most shows which are not romance based tend to have a few pairings which just suddenly end up together towards the end of the manga because “What’s a happy ending without marriage and kids?” There is usually a trend of just pairing of the extras and sometimes, or maybe even more often than not, it just seems to come out of nowhere (ehem... Naruto.). Maybe the relationship worked off screen but I dunno. Like no shipping war here but the only pairing I had full support for was Shikatema. 

In stories classified as romances, there is enough of a spotlight on the sexual tension and mutual pining of specific characters for the romance to be considered reasonable. In my opinion, some authors tend to sacrifice really good world building for a good romance. Objectively twilight for example had some crazy good world building but it just kinda focused a little too much on emo Bella and emo Edward for the world building to actually be appreciated by the casual reader. Tbh though, this is not necessarily bad because people get into stuff for reasons, sometimes, I just wanna read a good fantasy, sometimes I just wanna read a good romance.

Romances though as a main driving point for narratives, require some convenient serendipity moments and sexual tension which can be written well but as a reader, I prefer to see more natural relationships born out of necessity (Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata is a good example of what I’m talking about in a romance novel.)

Attack on Titan through its narrative actually made Levihan seem VERY VERY possible. If I had to compare the presentation of this ship in canon to at least one relationship in other anime, I would compare it to Royai from FMA. 

Like, if Attack on Titan didn’t give us random subtle hints about romantic or just platonic relationships between the two or even about anyone, even if Levi and Hange did get together in the end, it would have been one of the pairings, I probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow at. 

But they could be just friends? Which brings me to my next point.

2. Their current situation makes it so it’s only natural that at the least, they considered it. 

Yes. Friends is a valid interpretation for anything. I mean, given our hook up culture, people can fuck as friends too. People probably have made out drunk as friends too. Like I have seen my fair share of this type of bullshit in high school and college and I would say, we do not need a kiss or a fucking session to recognize that something can be a good relationship or to recognize that they have probably thought about it. 

A relationship requires a commitment (conscious or unconscious) to caring for the other, keeping the other safe, recognizing their flaws and thinking about them regularly (Call me scott peck or marriage counselor but like I honestly think the world would be a better place once people recognize that quality romantic relationships are worked for).

Mind you, Levi and Hange lost everything.They literally lost everything from their old life, all their friends, all their loved ones and all they have is each other and they’re forced to take care of a bunch of kids.

There are people who have said before, no one gets very close with someone without ever considering a romantic relationship with them. Or even if they never considered it romantic, they could consider at least “living with them their whole life,” or “supporting them through thick and thin.” The things is, towards the end, they were constantly together and what drove them to that situation is that both of them are aware of what the other had lost. They understood each other more than anyone else and they recognized that they were the only ones left in their own circle and I personally think that is more than enough for a relationship to naturally bloom between them.

3. The relationship and the signs are subtle and it works.

I personally probably would not have enjoyed it if canon showed a romantic relationship of the two after Erwin died. It’s a valid interpretation to consider that it could have happened, based on my explanation for number 2 but Hange is commander, Levi is captain. They have a professional relationship and they have goals and obligations which take precedence over personal desires. They are in the middle of a war and the most which probably could have happened was a secret mutual pining between the two and I think Isayama has injected the most subtle hints which are the most that could have been appropriately put into canon without seeming too OOC. Hange and Levi are not selfish people. They have promises, dreams and obligations which they respect and have committed themselves to already. It has also been shown at earlier points of the manga that they do put their survey corps duties on top of everything so acting on a romantic attraction at that point in time would have definitely been inappropriate. 

I personally think, the scenes of Hange going out of her way to save Levi as commander, killing her other soldiers to save both their asses, suggesting in the forest that they live together instead of go back to the war and not leaving an injured Levi until she had no choice were more powerful than a lot of romantic scenes where people actually fuck and kiss. Kissing and fucking are easy. Leaving the duties and responsibilities they have worked for for five years to keep the person they love alive hits way harder. 

Call it platonic. Call it romantic. But no one like Hange would have deserted her post as commander for a few chapters to take care of a sick comrade and kill her subordinates to save their asses if there wasn’t anything between them. 

4. It gives a great example what healthy relationships can come from. 

I grew up reading sweet valley and chick lits cause I was a basic bitch and I kinda grew up with a somehow unrealistic idea of where relationships come from. Call me a late bloomer but I only actually figured out where the romance and the happiness of a relationship was when I got into one with my best friend for five years. 

It’s the sexual tension and the “will they wont they?” push and pull which can lead to satisfying sex or a happy ending in romance novels. I think in a way, media kinda overglorifies it which kinda gives a lot of young people the wrong idea about why they getting into a relationship is fun in the first place.  Because after the satisfying sex and the kids, what’s next for the relationship?

Years of utility bills, diapers, chores, schedules, parent teacher conferences and compromises until someone gives up or dies. And what kind of relationships can actually thrive through all these? 

Those that have mastered the underrated parts of relationships. These include conflict resolutions, compromises and open communication. I think we have seen enough of those two, even before season 3 that have shown that they know each other very well and they have shown to at least have a relatively equal power dynamic which is a foundation for open communication and mutual trust in relationships even beyond the fucking and marriage stage 

5. They have a great foundation of character development for both parties.

As I mentioned above, they have a relatively equal power dynamic. I love Royai from FMA and I have compared Royai to this multiple times. I would say though I prefer Levihan over Royai because I felt that Royai had more unequal power dynamics? (Though I still think Royai is a top tier ship ). Also, they have shown to tell off the other when they don’t like what the other is doing. They are complete opposites but here is the magical thing. They talk everything out. They’re generally open people to each other and they know each other way too well as hinted in scenes before and opposites work as long as the others are willing to compromise. I think (especially in season 3 and season 4) that they have done enough for each other and have compromised enough for each other in the survey corps that these skills could easily be brought with them even after the war.

That open communication is just what makes them maintaining a relationship while being complete opposites very OC and realistic. Eventually, they did probably did make compromises, which most likely softened or moderated the crazy parts of their personalities which is just a really fun part of their relationship to explore. 

6. It could realistically last so maybe ...

7. A good foundation for happy children?

Maybe it’s how it is written because of the actual story and why would Yams write a romantic drama in a story about genocide and war. Tbh, I would attribute it more to Levi and Hange’s personalities though because Mikasa and Eren have their fair share of drama, mostly one sided though coz Mikasa. This relationship has no drama, no misunderstandings which just further supports my point that they have a relationship that thrives on open communication and mutual trust. Drama is fun like when we’re the ones on the sidelines eating the popcorn but I have third wheeled enough people in my life to realize that I will not support a relationship where both parties are just not ready to be mature about it, in real life and in fiction. 

My favorite couples, in real life and in fiction, are definitely those who keep conflict among themselves and maybe among trusted people. I think one sign of a healthy relationship is one where problems don’t become public through social media or through like 20 people. One important yet underrated part of relationships is the atmosphere of comfort and freedom which encourages both parties to be able to directly approach one another before tensions and uncertainties get out of hand.  

And a life free of dramas at least in the early stages of life just kinda shows at least that both parties are ready to bring a new life to the world? Because like immature parents with shitty conflict resolution skills really fuck kids up man and I passionately believe the world would really be a better place if babies were born out of trust, mutual understanding and open communication instead of sex but yeah, make sex fun to keep our race alive.

So anyway, I guess, I just finished explaining why I love this ship so much while also disclosing my preferences for relationships. 

As mentioned above...

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

Other pairings which I support for those curious: Shikatema, Royai, Victuuri, Percabeth etc.

Also... To answer your second question... 

My week has been great, some pretty solid life developments but US elections wise, not so great... (WHY IS THE ELECTION RACE SO CLOSE?)

[aion-rsa]

Did The Dark Knight Really Influence the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

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In 2008, there were two seismic events in the superhero movie genre so close together that you’d be forgiven for thinking they signaled the same thing. Over the span of a few months, Marvel Studios launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) via Iron Man, and director Christopher Nolan changed the perception of how seriously to take these movies with The Dark Knight. Both are credited as watershed moments for how audiences and (more importantly) the industry approached such stories; and The Dark Knight is specifically singled out as the gold standard by which all other masked crimefighter films are measured.

However, was Nolan’s haunting vision—one in which a lone avenger is the last, best hope for a major American city on the verge of collapse—really that influential on its genre? The Dark Knight certainly had a monumental impact on the culture, then and now. You saw it when Heath Ledger’s searing interpretation of the Joker made him only the second actor to win a posthumous Oscar, as well as when the film’s exclusion from the Best Picture race changed the way the Academy Awards handled its top prize. And just last year, The Dark Knight became only the second superhero movie inducted into the National Film Registry.

Yet when a friend watching last week’s The Falcon and the Winter Soldier premiere told me Marvel was returning to the “realistic” approach of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and by extension The Dark Knight, I couldn’t help but disagree. The new Disney+ series may have a slightly more grounded aesthetic than the last time we saw these characters (back when they were fighting space aliens over magic stones in Avengers: Endgame), but the medium-blending existence of the series belies the idea that Marvel took anything significant from the insular and self-contained Dark Knight Trilogy.

The Dark Knight vs. Iron Man

It’s interesting to look back at just those 2008 films since at face value they bore minor similarities. They both were focused on fantastically wealthy billionaires using their fortunes to fight wrongdoing on a potentially global scale; each movie was directed by filmmakers with indie cred thanks to Nolan helming Memento (2000) and Jon Favreau writing and starring in Swingers (1996); and each starred unexpected casting choices with Ledger as the Joker and Robert Downey Jr. jumpstarting a career comeback as Tony Stark.

But their goals and approaches were worlds apart. The obvious thing to note, besides The Dark Knight being a sequel to Batman Begins (2005) and Iron Man being an origin movie, is that Iron Man had an slyly hilarious sensibility, and The Dark Knight fancied itself an allegory about post-9/11 America. The former’s success was engineered in large part by Downey’s gift for comedic improvisation and freestyle. Indeed, co-star Jeff Bridges said in 2009 that he, Downey, and Favreau were essentially improvising their scenes from scratch every day during primitive rehearsals. “They had no script, man,” Bridges lightly complained with his Dude diction.

By contrast, The Dark Knight appears at a glance to be an exercise in self-seriousness and lofty ambition. Every scene, written by Nolan and his brother Jonathan Nolan, appears like a chess move, and each character a pawn or knight who’s been positioned to put contemporary audiences in a state of pure anxiety with War on Terror imagery and dialogue. Of course this clocklike presentation is itself another Nolan illusion, as smaller players like Michael Jai White, who portrayed gangster Gambol in the movie, have been quite candid about. As with almost every film, there is still a level of fluidity and workshopping on Nolan’s set.

Ultimately, the bigger difference between the Nolan and eventual Marvel approach is what each is hoping to accomplish with the film they’re currently making. More than just offering a “realistic” vision of Batman, The Dark Knight attempted to tell a sweeping crime drama epic that would stand alone, separate from its status as a Batman Begins sequel. Rather than being “the next chapter,” The Dark Knight was meant to be a cinematic distillation of Batman and Joker’s primal appeals writ large. With this approach, the film also broke away from the superhero movie template Batman Begins followed three years earlier, and which nearly all superhero films still walk through the paces of.

In essence, The Dark Knight showed that superhero movies could be dark and mature, yes, but they can also be subversive, unexpected, and genuinely surprising. Nolan’s previous superhero movie, as good as it is, followed the beats set down by Richard Donner’s Superman: The Movie nearly 30 years earlier. They’re the same beats trod by Iron Man and pretty much every other superhero origin movie, including a large bulk of Marvel Studios’ output. The Dark Knight, by contrast, reached for a cinematic vernacular separate from its specific genre. The movie’s not subtle about it either. The opening scene of Nolan’s epic wears its homages to Michael Mann’s Heat on its sleeves, and the story’s structure has more to do with Jaws than Jor-El.

The approach shook audiences in 2008 after they’d come to expect a certain type of movie from masked do-gooders. In The Dark Knight, superhero conventions could be subverted or obliterated when love interest Rachel Dawes is brutally killed off mid-sentence, or stalwart Batman is forced to claim a pyrrhic victory over the villain by entering into a criminal conspiracy and cover-up with the cops. The thrill of novelty was as breathtaking as the movie’s allegorical elements about a society on edge.

And even with The Dark Knight’s open-ended finale, it stood as a singular cinematic experience, complete with then-groundbreaking emphasis on IMAX photography. Nolan was so adamant about making this as self-contained an experience as possible that he jettisoned his co-story creator David Goyer’s idea of setting up Harvey Dent’s fall from grace for a third movie. Dent’s fate, as that of everyone else’s, would be tied strictly to the events of the movie you’re now watching.

“We Have a Hulk”

In Iron Man, and then more forcefully in Iron Man 2 (2010) and the rest of its “Phase One” era, Marvel Studios demonstrated a wholly different set of priorities. Similar to how Batman Begins paved the way for Nolan to do what he really wanted with that material, Iron Man 2 came to encapsulate Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige’s grander designs for the type of movies he was making. Where The Dark Knight was singular, unconventional, and two steps closer to our world than its comic book origins, Iron Man 2 was episodic, entirely crafted around audience expectations for a sequel, and even more like a comic book world than our own.

In other words, the first Iron Man gently submerged audiences into the fantasy by beginning with contemporary images of Tony Stark in a Middle Eastern desert; Iron Man 2 then made sweeping strides in defining what that MCU fantasy is as quickly as possible: Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) is introduced solely to establish the superspy who will be vital to The Avengers two years down the road, and the central narrative about Tony Stark fighting an old rival is put on pause to reintroduce the character Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) as a supporting, and superfluous, side character. The post-credit scene even arbitrarily introduces literal magic with a glowing hammer that has absolutely nothing to do with the story you just watched. Still, it’s a hell of a teaser for Thor which was due in theaters a year later.

With the release of Iron Man 2, Marvel Studios’ emphasis became diametrically opposed to the driving concept behind The Dark Knight Trilogy. Rather than each film being an insulated, standalone cinematic experience like the Hollywood epics of old, Marvel’s movies would be interconnected episodes in an ongoing narrative saga that spanned multiple franchises and countless sequels. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Unlike Nolan after The Dark Knight, Feige and his stable of writers always know where the next movie (or five) is going, and have a better idea of what the overall vision is than any single director working within this system. Ironically, this returns power to the studio and producer as the seeming authorial voice of each movie. Like in the Golden Age of Hollywood, directors are more often hired hands than influential auteurs.

However, this means the aspects Nolan really valued on The Dark Knight beyond a gritty “realism”���elements like spontaneity, subversion, and a distancing from superhero tropes—became antithetical to the type of movies produced by the MCU. For at least the first decade of its existence, the Marvel Cinematic Universe flourished by creating a formula and house style that is as predictable for audiences as the contents in a Big Mac.

When you go to a Marvel movie, you more or less you’ll get: an ironic, self-deprecating tone, a story that often revolves around a CG MacGuffin that must be taken from the villain, and a narrative in which disparate heroic characters come together after some amusing, disagreeable banter. In fact, more than Iron Man, it was Joss Whedon’s The Avengers (2012) which refined the Marvel formula into what it is today.

There are of course exceptions to this rule. Black Panther became the first Marvel movie since Iron Man to arguably tackle themes significant to the real world, in this case specifically the legacy of African diaspora. It also became the first superhero film nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture as a result; James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies might follow the narrative formula of most MCU movies, but they’re embedded with a cheeky and idiosyncratic personality that is distinctly Gunn’s; and in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) and Captain America: Civil War (2016), directors Joe and Anthony Russo, as well as screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, attempted to inject a little bit of that “realistic” aesthetic from The Dark Knight. But only to a point.

Particularly in the 2014 effort, there was a push by the Russos to rely on in-camera special effects and cultivate what they often described in the press as a “1970s spy thriller” style. Ostensibly, the hope may have been to make The Winter Soldier as much a spy thriller as The Dark Knight was a crime epic. In this vein, there were even attempts to graft onto the story very timely concerns about the overreach of a government surveillance state, which had only grown in the decade since the U.S. PATRIOT Act was passed, despite a change in White House administrations. However, all of these ambitions had an invisible ceiling hovering above them.

Despite having overtones about the danger of reactionary if well-intentioned government leaders, like the kind personified by Robert Redford’s SHIELD director in the movie, Captain America: The Winter Soldier couldn’t become too focused on the espionage elements or too far removed from the Marvel house style. The story still needed to interconnect with other Marvel films, hence Redford’s character turning out to be a secret HYDRA double agent, and it still needed to give audiences what they expected from a Marvel movie. Thus how this “1970s spy thriller” ends in a giant CGI battle with citywide destruction as Captain America inserts MacGuffins into machines that will blow up HYDRA’s latest weapon for world domination.

It’s easy to wonder if the movie was developed a little longer, and didn’t have to play by a certain set of rules and expectations, that instead of backpedaling into comic book motivations, Redford’s character would’ve been a well-intentioned patriot amassing power “to keep us safe,” and in the process destabilized the institutions he claimed to revere.

Read more

Movies

What Did Batman Do Between The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises?

By David Crow

TV

WandaVision: The Unanswered Questions From the Marvel Series

By Gavin Jasper

A Universe Without End

The Marvel method breeds a heavy need for familiarity and comfortable predictability, as opposed to disorientation and discomfort. Yet both methods are valid. While Nolan achieved near universal praise for The Dark Knight, his attempt to replicate it with the even more ambitious The Dark Knight Rises—an unabashed David Lean-inspired epic that took more from A Tale of Two Cities and Doctor Zhivago than DC Comics—left fans divided. It also was a narrative dead end for the corporate/fanbase need of an ongoing franchise. Nolan instead reached a final, artistic, and emphatic period for his cinematic interpretation of Batman mythology. By comparison, Marvel Studios has created a new cinematic vernacular that only ever uses dashes, semicolons, and commas. There is always more to tell.

Nolan reflected on these changing circumstances for superhero movies in 2017 when he said, “That’s a privilege and a luxury that filmmakers aren’t afforded anymore. I think it was the last time that anyone was able to say to a studio, ‘I might do another one, but it will be four years.’ There’s too much pressure on release schedules to let people do that now, but creatively it’s a huge advantage.”

This lines up with what Jeff Bridges said about the evolution of the Marvel method way back in ’09 after the first Iron Man: “You would think with a $200 million movie you’d have the shit together, but it was just the opposite. And the reason for that is because they get ahead of themselves. They have a release date before the script [and they think], ‘Oh, we’ll have the script before that time,’ and they don’t have their shit together.”

Bridges’ unhappiness with the new process notwithstanding, Marvel was rewriting the playbook about how these types of movies were made. Nolan’s approach of one at a time and years-long development processes created three distinctly different and relatively standalone Batman movies. But Marvel has shifted the idea of not just what a franchise can be, but also what cinematic storytelling means.

Instead of three movies, their rules and structures have generated dozens of well-received and adored entertainments, that when combined can produce experiences as unique as Avengers: Infinity War (2018) and Avengers: Endgame (2019): two movies that were more like a two-part season finale on TV than individual stories. And the latter became the highest grossing film of all time.

The success of this approach is further underlined when one considers competitors that tried to emulate both Marvel and Nolan’s approaches, relying on a lone auteur to build a shared cinematic universe—while also arguably taking the wrong lessons from the “dark” in The Dark Knight title. In the case of the DC Extended Universe, that approach collapsed on itself after three movies, leaving the interconnected “shared” part of its universe in tatters, and fans and studio hands alike divided on how to proceed with the franchise.The Marvel Cinematic Universe took a narrower road than that of The Dark Knight. But it turned out to be a lot smoother and much, much longer.

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from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3lKi0hp

[shirleyarcher]

8 TIPS TO SETTING INTENTIONS FOR A SUCCESSFUL AUTHENTIC LIFE

What does it mean to set intentions for a successful life?

What does it mean to live authentically?

How can mindfulness help you to achieve a successful, authentic life?

The following 8 tips are based on my 20+ years of training and experience as a mindfulness and meditation teacher, as well as with conversations with experts and my own journey as someone who reinvented my career multiple times—from New York City attorney to health educator, yogini and author—and as someone who overcame trauma, PTSD and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Identify your values. Keep this simple. If you have one week to live, what’s most important to you? What people, places, experiences do you want in your life? Simply, what is most important to you during this lived and limited time?

For me, I value my closest family and friends, my communities and sharing the hard-earned knowledge that I’ve gained healing my own body, mind and heart. I value most serving others by sharing what I’ve learned to promote health and happiness for others.

Get present. Use mindfulness techniques to connect with who you are and what you think and feel, right here, right now. Mindfulness is interpreted many ways. For me, the easiest way to think about it is, “What are you noticing right now?” Try some of the meditations below to connect with your present moment experience. This helps you let go of past conceptions of your identity that may no longer fit who you are today.

For example, I genuinely wanted to be an attorney. Following my education and licensure, I worked as a lawyer and faced a serious illness. I then re-evaluated how I wanted to spend my professional efforts. When I originally wanted to be an attorney, I wasn’t wrong, I simply outgrew that interest. Today, I continue to be passionate about sharing what I learned about healing and creating health and happiness.

Feel it in your bones. Our body is constantly giving us information. We’ve all had that ‘gut feeling’—the sense that what we’re doing feels right to us or not. When we’re living authentically and in harmony with our values and purpose, we feel connected physically and emotionally.

As Oprah Winfrey says, “…ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it’s right, I guarantee that your entire body will feel it.” To read more about the mind-body connection, go here.

Honor your potential. My mother reminded me as a child that all peonies are beautiful, but even, among themselves, each peony is unique. Read more here. You are the beautiful unique expression of you and the only you on this planet. Even identical twins manifest individual uniqueness. Honestly assess and honor your potential.

Ask yourself if what you’re identifying as your intention serves your ability to realize the fullness of what you have to offer.

Dream big. A faculty member at Stanford Business School is known for encouraging students when brainstorming to ‘forget gravity’. Yes, gravity is an immutable natural force, but it’s helpful when imagining possibilities to let go of all limitations. Factor any limits in later.

In other words, say, ‘YES!’ to fulfilling all your innate abilities.

Take small bold steps. Life is not theoretical. We can think as much as we want or not, but at the end of the day, our life is the sum total of our experiences. Take action in the direction of what feels meaningful to you. Assess. Does it feel right? Is this something you’re willing to do, even in the face of fails? Because even fails are meaningful and important, if done in pursuit of a heart-felt task.

In other words, before you go far on your path, check. Ask yourself, does this resonate with my values? Do I feel this ‘in my bones’? Is this realizing my potential? Mindfully check that you’re on the right path.

A small step does not mean a ‘safe’ step. It means, step mindfully with full awareness of the excitement of uncertainty. And, take one step at a time.

Living authentically and setting intentions is not the same as setting goals. A goal, for example, is writing a book (I’ve written 16). An intention reflects heartfelt values. My intention is to inform, support and serve people to live happier and healthier lives. Living authentically and manifesting my potential would be using my innate talents for teaching, writing and speaking and my education to realize my intention to serve others.

Ask yourself, does this activity ‘feel right’ to me? Am I acting consistently with my highest purpose in service of what matters most to me?

Be kind. As you honor yourself, be supportive of yourself. Life is not perfect. Mistakes can and will happen. You will stumble, perhaps fall. Give yourself compassion. Offer kindness and compassion to others. Surround yourself with kind and supportive people. As you honor yourself, you are also creating space for others to honor their own selves and to manifest their unique potential.

Enjoy life. Life is a balance of work, play, relationships with others and a relationship with yourself. Enrich your life by setting both small and large intentions. For example, as a small intention, I will do my best to be kind to my life partner today. A larger intention may be to work on strengthening relationships among each of my step-children with their father and me. Remember to find happiness in each day as often as possible.

To help with living with present moment awareness, I'm sharing some guided meditations. The first is a 10 minute guided meditation, the second 5-minute podcast you can listen to increase awareness of the mind’s activity and the last is a 15-minute guided meditation for compassion for your self and others.

PRODUCT PICKS THAT YOU WILL LOVE

[paintedwithapalette]

Memories of You Ch 4 (snippet)

Naminé stared at her tablet.

It was blank; devoid of life and color. Just a big, blank, white, and empty canvas that begged to be filled with beautiful imagery from the source of the most vibrant of imaginations. Yet Naminé couldn't bring herself to draw a line. She hoped that her lack of glasses was the result of her artist's block, but it seemed that wasn't the case. Her brain was the problem.

Sighing, she decided to put the tablet away and spend a few hours on her laptop. She got onto the floor and under her desk to plug in her charger before hitting her head against the bottom when trying to get up. "Ow!"

As she rubbed her head irritably, she noticed a flyer flutter to the carpet. She recognized the flyer that read "The Castle of Dreams." Most people were aware of the royal ball that happened there almost every year. Naminé used to fantasize about it often. In fact, there was a time when she fantasized about journeying to multiple other worlds. It would have been an excellent form of inspiration for her artwork. Those days were long gone. Travelling seemed like too much of a hassle and scary.

When her stomach groaned for nourishment, Naminé trudged downstairs in the lonely house with Mocchi following close behind. Her tired eyes examined the living room. The couch, the TV, the flower vase with abstract designs, the sectional sofa, and the glass coffee table—they were all frozen in time. But she was used to it. Kairi was always out having a social life and her father was always at work. At least Mocchi kept her company.

She opened the fridge and, to her utter dismay, they were all out of mint and chocolate chip ice cream. Blasphemy! How could she dare watch cartoons without ice cream? She surmised with great remorse that she would just have to call and ask Kairi to bring some back for her. After closing the fridge, she saw a plate wrapped in aluminum foil with a sticky note attached to it.

For Naminé. Fixed some lunch for you. Just heat it up in the microwave and it should be good to go. Call me if you need me to bring you anything back while I'm out. I'll be home to make dinner later. Love you lots xoxo

P.S. Don't forget to brush your teeth!

There was no name attached but Naminé took a wild guess at who the culprit was.

As naggy and nosey as her sister could be, Naminé still loved and appreciated her with all her heart. In fact, she regretted getting snippy at her that morning. After everything Kairi had done, all the unappreciative Naminé could do was yell at her for trying to help. She was almost like a second mother to her.

Naminé paused when she realized she used the "M" word.

It was hard to believe it had already been almost six years. She could still feel her soothing touch that seemed to have a knack for healing emotional scars. She still heard her gentle voice that eased her anxiety. She still saw the warmth of her smile. She still remembered when she was five-years-old, sitting at the top of a loopy waterslide in the secure embrace of her mother, tears streaming down her cheeks. It looked fun, but it also looked scary. Kairi had already slid down fearlessly, but Naminé was never as brave as her sister. But it was her mother who wiped her tears away and scolded her for comparing herself to anyone else but herself. It was enough to give Naminé the courage to go down the slide, not because Kairi did it, but because it looked fun.

She wondered what her mother would say to her if she were alive to see what became of her.

"Stop that," Serah said in a chastising voice in response to the young Naminé berating herself. "I don't ever want to hear you comparing yourself to anyone, little one. Not to me. Not to your father. And certainly not your sister. Kairi is Kairi. You are you. Never forget who you are. Fear is just our minds playing tricks on us. Always remember that when you're in my arms, with every bone in my body, I will keep you safe. Am I understood?"

Even if she was gone, it still felt like she was there. She would be supportive but disappointed to see what a cowardly mess the artist had become. This was something simple. It was a mere walk to the store. It might have taken time for her to be truly confident in herself but Kairi was right. She had to at least try.

Her mother would give her strength.

After twenty-five minutes of internal conflict and contemplating her actions, Naminé finally decided to muster up the courage to walk to the convenience store down the street and pick up some ice cream. She stood at the front door of her house dressed in an oversized baby pink sweater and baggy sweatpants. Her body was stiff from head to toes.

"O-Okay, Mocchi," she said, turning to the kitten that watched her a few feet away with curious eyes. "Here I go."

Naminé reached for the doorknob with a shaky hand, feeling the inside of her body become hotter the further she reached, before withdrawing her arm instantly.

"You know what? Who needs ice cream, anyway?" Naminé began to undress. "I can just call Dad and he can stop by the convenience store on his way back from work and—"

She froze when she caught what she interpreted as an intense stare from Mocchi and bit her lip. "You're never going to overcome your fears if you don't take the first step," Mocchi said. Her voice happened to be high-pitched and nasally but Naminé found there was something endearing about it that kept it from being annoying.

Naminé sighed, putting her sweater back on. "Yes, I know," she muttered. "I should get this over with, shouldn't I?"

Naminé stared at the door. Why was she making this so much more difficult than it had to be? A trip for a tub of ice cream should not have been that hard. She was just outside a few days before. She could do it again, couldn't she? But she also had Kairi with her at the time. This time, it was just Naminé. It felt like the door stood ten feet over her, belittling her for her cowardice.

But this was the first step. She would never be able to recover if she kept closing herself out from the real world. She just had to do it and get it over with. And maybe cry into her pillow for a few hours after the fact.

She took in a deep breath and gently let it out to alleviate her anxiety. She gave Mocchi a final, almost dramatic look. "Wish me luck!" she said before muttering, "And get started on writing my will."

Reluctantly, she opened the door to the outside world.

It was a sunny day in Destiny Islands. The air was fresh. The clouds were a little grey, but the temperature was warmer than she expected. The sweater began to feel like overkill. But she didn't care. It was better than showing off her pale arms.

She walked briskly. She paid no mind to the decently populated area and made sure to keep all eye contact to a minimum. There was only the goal: ice cream. It would be a quick, easy, and painless journey for her sweet, sugary goodness.

Then she heard a rumble. And then another rumble. Then something wet splashed against her forehead and trailed down the ends of her chin before splashing against the sandy pavement.

Soon enough, Naminé braced herself for the incoming downpour from the clouds. In a matter of seconds, the introverted recluse was drenched beneath the tears of the sky. She realized that the oversized sweater went from being overkill to laughably underwhelming. She noticed others that were outside on their joyous strolls around town scurried back to whatever hole they came from, but Naminé was already halfway to the store. She wasn't going to give up, despite the fact she was disgusted by the areas in which she felt water infiltrating her body at the moment.

She contracted her upper half as she pressed forward, wincing at the sudden rush of wind blowing at her with a mighty howl. How could such a warm, sunny day turn into one full of rage and ferocity in such a short amount of time? Naminé wondered if getting out of the house upset the balance of the universe and caused a rift in the timeline.

The longer she walked, the harder it became, and the more she felt her fatigue kicking in. She considered turning around multiple times but ultimately pushed forward. She was not going to allow fear to decide her future any longer and the rain wasn't going to stop her.

At long last, after what just felt like a hike up Mount Olympus, she reached the convenience store. With long-winded steps, she inched closer and closer to the store and was ready to go inside. She had come this far. Nothing was going to weaken her resolve now.

That's what she thought, at least, until she saw Roxas standing by the counter talking to an unfamiliar face.

If there was anything worse than being susceptible to the public scrutiny of strangers, it was running into somebody she already knew and started to feel the conflict of whether she should approach them or avoid all unnecessary contact. Of course he would be there. Why did she expect any less? Naminé quickly pushed herself against the wall next to the door before he could see her. It just wasn't her day.

For a split-second, she considered running away and forgetting the day ever happened. But she knew she couldn't go out like that. This wasn't about ice cream or the fact that she was shivering like a wet dog. This was about proving to herself that she could overcome obstacles.

She shut her eyes tight, preparing herself mentally, before quickly pushing the door open. She made a quick glance over at Roxas and he almost seemed upset. The guy he was talking to wore a beanie and had a scar trailing down the bridge of his nose. She quickly covered the side of her eyes as she made her way to the freezers in the back before Roxas could notice her. The store was rather small, so she could overhear some of their ongoing conversation.

"Snap out of it, Roxas," the scarred stranger said. "I'm sick of hearing about this gummi ship bullshit. Ain't that a bit beneath you? We got more important things to worry about. We need you on the team."

Roxas didn't spare him a glance as he leaned against the counter while the clerk scanned the few items he had. "Sorry, Seifer. Hate to disappoint you, but it's not my calling. It's not my destiny."

"It ain't about destiny anymore," Seifer snapped. "This is about the greater good. Look man, I hate to admit it, but you're one of the most talented guys in Destiny Islands. Maybe the galaxy. You can't squander your gifts for some cheap seventh-grade fantasy. What do you think your father would say?"

Roxas chuckled, though it sounded humorless. He thanked the clerk and took his small plastic bag from the counter. "Well, you know what they say. Better safe than losing your soul trying to live up to the legacy of someone who had a thing for crossdressing. They do say that, right?"

Seifer grabbed him by the arm. "This isn't a joke. It's time to face the real world and grow up."

Roxas, beginning to lose his patience, shirked his arm away. "Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you."

While the two boys were locked in a glaring contest, Naminé placed two tubs of mint and chocolate chip ice cream on the counter. Thankfully, Roxas' back was turned to her. But he wasn't leaving. It seemed like he was going to wait out on the rain, which made Naminé internally groan even more. She placed ten munny on the counter, not even aware of the concerned look of the girl operating the register. She asked if Naminé was okay and she, not wanting her voice to be heard by a certain someone, nodded.

However, she wasn't okay. In fact, she could feel her head getting heavier and her skin getting clammier. Suddenly, things started to get fuzzier... and darker... and hazier... until she collapsed on the floor with a very noticeable thud.

The few stragglers in the store waiting for the rain to simmer down, Seifer, Roxas, and the clerk included, noticed the sporadic turn of events with the utmost amount of concern and immediately rushed to Naminé's side.

Roxas kneeled down to his knees and lifted the upper half of her limp body. The good news was that the girl was breathing, but she was out cold. It only took him a second longer to recognize the familiar face and become horrified.

"Naminé?"

[senboago]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Abby / Kitty      Age: 24       Contact: pm, discord

Character(s) I rp: (canon) Candice Catnipp, Haineko, Mizuiro Kojima, Retsu Unohana, Yachiru Kusajishi; and them I have about 8 ocs. Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Elsabeth, Naomi, & Haineko. Current Fandom(s): Bleach (and one One Piece oc) Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  Bleach (Mizuiro’s shinigami au) My language(s): English (natively), Japanese (elementary level) Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: history, mythology

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting:  Pms, mostly. If you have me on discord, even better. I have both apps on my phone too, so I’m usually good about replies; granted if I’m not busy, left my phone somewhere in the house, or am asleep.

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  Well, I tend to be the type that actually fails at coming up with plot ideas. It’s not that I don’t think of anything, but that I’m either too shy or my brain is too exhausted of ideas. So I guess just enthusiasm works for me, since it gives all the same energy! Especially when talking about ships (including platonic and hate ships) between our muses ‘cause that usually helps lead into some potential plots, as I’ll always be up for discussing new stuff for them; like how we want to develop them, where will they go, when will they get there, etc.

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  I’m a bit of too quiet to say anything really, kinda like a pushover. But if I can gain the confidence, I’d prefer to ask what’s going from my partner’s end. If it turns out they’re really not interested then, and I hate to do it, we’ll just drop it. I want us both to be having fun, and if they’re not into it, then it’d be too selfish of me to try and continue it.

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  Again, I’m pretty terrible at it, so I’m usually a go with the flow type person. So unfortunately, that leaves most the plotting to them, unless my brain decides to wake up. But when I do have an idea and have the courage to, I’ll pitch it to them. Usually my plots end up starting out as some random headcannon between our muses and their ship, and then it falls into the fascination of ‘I wanna rp that now’, just to see it have a story.

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I get anxious easily. So whether or not I was really into it, it’s nice to know, and easier on my nerves if it was something I was really into. However, it’s not entirely and outright demand that they do all the time. - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?:  Not required, just preferred that they just let me know.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  Two things. Disinterest is one, and pretty self-explanatory. Then there’s if I just lack the energy for a certain amount of time, after several attempts to actually reply. I usually hate to drop threads. But if I feel there’s absolutely no way I’ll be able to reply, then I’ll either pm my partner directly or make out a post and tag those I’ve dropped threads with, if it’s multiple. - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  Even though I’m terrible of communication, I still like to hear from my partners every once and a while. It’s kinda why discord is easier to get a hold of me ‘cause, since I have two servers there I mod/admin, I usually check it and will answer there more often. - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  I wanna say yes, but there’s that anxiety in me that says no. It’s a hit or miss with me. I usually try not to get defensive, and most the time won’t. It’ll just end up making become a bit more cautious, confused, or reclused, depending on what it is; and that’s all ‘cause of anxiety. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  Mostly to have fun. Also so I can explore my muses and work on my creative writing. When people like what I post too, it makes me extremely happy and excited, wanting to pour out more! So really, not much of a goal other than just share my thought process and ideas.

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  To roleplay and post more stuff for Mizuiro. And to build more relationships of all kinds for my muses, especially my ocs. I’d also like to explore darker themes for a few muses as well, though that’s a bit of a tall order... Not too people can handle or are willing to deep dive, so I’m not sure if that’ll happen really.

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  I don’t really have any hard limits. However, I usually refrain from a lot simply for the comfort of others. So I guess there’s quite a bit I won’t ever get into, though I’d like to.

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: i’m usually good with just about anything. If I’m not, then I’ll inform my partner.

What type of characters catch your interest the most?:  Better question is; what type am I not into? Though truthfully, I’m really into characters with a lot of development, an establish backstory of any kind, and just about any that can capture my heart (which isn’t hard to do btw). I’m not picky and I have very few I truly hate, except for their person rather than the character.

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  Flat, one-dimensional types with very little development or their own story. I like seeing the ins and outs, the positives and negatives of a character. I want them to put me on a roller coaster of emotions, since that’s life in a nutshell. If they can’t, then I’ll lose interest quickly. Also mary sues/gary stues. Characters that just don’t make sense or follow the universe’s logic are also a major turn off.

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  Oh boy... I guess my dedication and love for my muses’ ships. It’s not much, but only thing I can think of. I also try to keep an open mind, be as understanding as possible and to support my partner wherever I can.

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?:  My inability to reply to drafts that have been sitting for a couple of weeks. I want to reply, and yet, as soon as I open the draft and get to work, my brain blanks. It’s really frustrating.

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  Just about whenever, as long as partner is up for it. And it’ll be for either or, depending. For certain ships, such as Kaede and Kenpachi, I feel it is part of their character and relationship development, seeing as they’ve managed to grow a deeper bond with each other through it. For other muses, such as almost anything with Amaterasu, it’s usually out of fun. - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  Eh... not really, unless partner is uncomfortable with it.

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  The growth between them. Just literally anything between that. Watching the couple’s bond deepen, how much they learn about each other, and the trust that strengthens over time. - What is your smut tag?: nsfw mention

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?:  Just about any; romantic, sexual, platonic, hate, family, etc.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  Usually that’s up to the other’s interpretation of the character. But Kaede has some potential, developing surprising friendship despite her division’s reputation. She’s bit of an opposite from her captain and co-lieutenant, probably being the most patient and kindest of the three, as she’s the only one to pursue any friendships. I would say I’d love to find more plots in reference to her backstory, whether some random character she befriends or is enemies with finds out her birth, or she feels to rekindle a past friendship.

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:   ... I dunno if I really have an answer for that. Kaede’s one of my easiest going muses, unafraid to interact with anyone. She tends to fit in just about anywhere. Though I’m sure this partly due to her being my most developed and being well established. - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  Honestly, I think just about anyone, depending on the scenerio and who they are. That also determines how she approaches and interacts with them.

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  There’s a list of things. Gardening, social gatherings, her division... She’s also into new experiences, things that are foreign to the Soul Society. - What do they desire, is their goal?:  She simply wants to make her mother proud, to better society if she can, and continue to aid and serve her division. - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  Body language. It’s a trained type of thing, trying to read them by how they hold themselves. How approachable they appear, their intent, etc. - What do they value in a person?:  Depends, as she understands everyone is different. But mostly their determination, honesty, and dedication, even if she’s not the receiver. She can still respect them for it. - What themes do they like talking about?:  Eh... Just about anything, aside from herself. Anything gardening or about flowers is where she’s the most enthusiastic. - Which themes bore them?:  Idle chitchat or small talk. She likes to carry an actual conversation. So trying to ask her about the weather, she’ll more than likely walk away.

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  Sort of? There’s a couple things; the discovery of Azashiro’s imprisonment and his crimes, the sudden disappearance of Yoruichi and Kisuke, and the brief encounter with Yhwach’s clone during the war. - What could possibly trigger them?:  Both Azashiro’s imprisonment and Yoruichi and Kisuke’s exile have been resolved, so no. Though to ask her about Azashiro, she’ll be guarded and, depending on the person, defensive. The incident with Yhwach was a literal flash, leaving her physically scarred, but otherwise unfazed. - What could set them off, enrage them?:  Azashiro, yes. Depending on who the person is, obviously. Kisuke is the most notable target of this rage. - What could lead to an instant kill?:  Again, Azashiro, depending on who brings it up and what’s brought up. Mostly, if it targets her mother and threatens to expose them, including her adopted father.

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  Yhwach and Aizen. Both have caused a degree of grief in the Soul Society, and even for those outside it. She also hates those that use their position of power for selfish reasons. - Is there someone /-thing they love?:  Her mother and adopted father, and the Shiba clan as a whole. Her division, and her current captain and co-lieutenant, along with her former captain and her brother Yuushirou. She also loves, though won’t admit it often enough, Askin (verse dependent). Kenpachi as well (verse dependent). Any and all her friends, including Kisuke. There’s also a huge soft spot for animals of any kind.

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  As long as you’re not a sworn enemy to her or the society, just about anyone’s good to go. Just strike up conversation, ask for a spar, to drink, etc. She isn’t one to simply ignore or dismiss anyone, so long as there isn’t any bad terms between them. - Where are they usually to find?:  In the second division offices or training grounds (sometimes in the onsen), at her home, or strolling or patrolling through the Seireitei.

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  Eh... nothing I can think of off the top of my head. Except that, no matter how kind a face she has, she can still be a merciless killer.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ (thanks for the tag, though not sure if I should really be thanking you ‘cause this about drained me!) Tagging:  you reading this.

[hazzabeeforlou]

fandoms challenge

Thank you my lovely friend @disgruntledkittenface for the tag!

Fandoms you write for: One Direction! (I have dreams of doing post-ep-6 Star Wars but the BOOKS not the Disney don’t speak to me of the Disney I love it but it’s not my Jaina Solo) 

Where you post: AO3

Most popular one shot: Of my short stories, it’s Never Stare, which I totally was never going to publish because it’s *just* smut and bad smut at that but I thought what the hell and now look. Regrets lol. 

Most popular Multi-Chapter: Flawless, my injured artist angst fest, by far, which is ironic because when I published I didn’t think anyone would read it! I wrote it mainly for myself to deal with chronic illness and the fear of loving, and next to PITS it’s my most personal story <3

Favorite story you wrote: Okay I always say this because it gets almost no love *sobs* IDK do you guys not like Christmas or something? (I kid) Reindeer Games is my quirky, kinky baby, yes it is a Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer AU, yes it has candy-cane dildos, no I am not accepting criticism 

Story you were nervous to post: For sure Promise in the Sky. I was worried the themes would be too dark for fandom in general and that I hadn’t communicated my message well enough, and as it’s basically my life in AU form, I had all the jitters. Needlessly, though, as people have been so incredibly kind and supportive. It remains the most healing thing I’ve ever done. I’ve been thinking about it a lot today, actually, since it’s NCOD. It pretty much lives in my head on a loop, I escape to its happy ending often. 

How do you choose your titles: Ooooo, well, usually I try to think up something short and catchy that ties into the moral/climax/meaning of the story. Actually thinking up titles is something I quite enjoy, I love bridging plot dots with an over-arching word/phrase!

Do you outline: If you call my sequential scribbles in multiple notebooks outlining, yes. 

Complete number of stories: 10 (I am but a baby ficling!) 

In progress: OH um, the Bonanza AU, the Louisiana Jones AU, Gargoyle AU, I guess Fairy AU, and The Garden 

Do you accept prompts: Probably not, if I’ve not thought up a thing myself I can tend to feel guilty about using it. Although I have had prompts from friends for my mermaid AU, and my first ever story was inspired by a random tumblr post, so! 

Upcoming story you are most excited about: Finishing the rest of The Garden is my major goal this fall. I have pages and pages of scribbles and scripture and alternate interpretations and pure sacrilegious blasphemy, it’s amazing. I’m SO excited about it. This story fits so well into the HL universe I’m a little surprised, but I suppose all soulmate/true love stories do lol ;) 

I’ll tag my group chat, @alienfuckeronmain @haztobegood @newleafover @pattern-pals @lesbianiconharrystyles and @rougeandtonic @iamasphodelknox @larrymaybe22 @13way-s

[saint-hildegard-of-bingen]

Source

BAGPIPES AND BANJOS

My work began as I set out to rearrange a new version of “The Skye Boat Song” for the season’s Main Title. Changing a series’ Main Title is relatively rare in television, and yet this marks the sixth, arguably seventh, iteration of the beloved folk song I have produced for Outlander. (The previous were Season 1’s original, Season 2’s “French” and “Jacobite” versions, and Season 3’s “After Culloden” and “Caribbean” versions. I also produced an “Extended” version for the Season 1 Volume 2 soundtrack album, though it was never used in the series itself.)

Before I began writing, the producers requested that my music help transport the audience to a new setting. They wanted the music to sound different. With the season taking place entirely in America, it was clear this new Main Title arrangement – and the fourth season score as a whole – would need to sound distinctly American. I worked with a musicologist, and researched the popular folk music of pre-Revolutionary America. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the majority of American folk songs of this era were imported from England, frequently set to new lyrics. One of the most famous early Revolutionary songs was “The Liberty Song,” with lyrics by John Dickinson, and yet drawing its melody from “Heart of Oak,” the anthem of the Royal Navy of the United Kingdom, and the Irish song “Here’s a Health.” (In fact, I already featured this song prominently in the end credits of the Season 3 finale!)

Stripped of their lyrics, these colonial American songs are essentially British, played on mostly the same instruments with only subtle performance practices separating them. Had I scored this season of Outlander using only historically accurate American music, the audience would have discerned very little difference between this season’s score and the music for when our story was rooted in Scotland. I had to look outside the realms of what was historically accurate to find a new sound. I chose to integrate into the score twentieth century Appalachian music.

A large chunk of the story takes place in the Appalachian Mountains, a region of America with a strong musical identity. Over the course of a few hundred years, Appalachian music developed into what we categorize as bluegrass, country and folk music today. These genres emphasize specific vocal styles: clear, sonorous vocal tones stacked in triadic harmonies, often featuring high falsettos. This music also popularized instruments such as banjo, mandolin, fiddle, and a fretted dulcimer, used so often it became known as an Appalachian dulcimer. In the early 1920’s, Appalachian music began to be recorded in field recordings, and in the coming decades commercial studio recordings would eventually transport it around the world, peaking with a massive influence on the resurgence of interest in folk music in the 1960’s.

Our primary time-traveling protagonists, Claire, Roger and Brianna, would have been familiar with these sounds to some extent, so much so I felt confident employing them in the instrumental score. Yes, Appalachian music was mostly developed in the early twentieth century, but it offered the musical sounds that Claire and Brianna would have associated with the region. In fact, their nostalgic memories of the twentieth century influenced my decisions with the score. After all, I am not scoring a documentary about colonial America. I am scoring the emotional journey of our characters.

(This same philosophy allowed me to use “The Skye Boat Song” as the series’ Main Title in the first place, despite it not being historically accurate to the Jacobite era. The melody’s origins are hard to trace, and the Robert Louis Stevenson lyrics were written over a hundred and fifty years later in 1892. However, due to the song’s overwhelming popularity in the 1890’s and into the early twentieth century, I felt Claire would have known the song, so I imagined that she took it with her back in time.)

When I reflect back on my experiences with this song, I have to laugh at what a strange journey it has been. In the first season, I was scared to even change a word of the text! (Ron Moore suggested we alter “lad” to “lass” to reflect the needs of the story.) Since then, I have bent and adapted this song into many different styles I could never have foreseen at that time. Yet, with each permutation, the integrity and soul of the song remains clear. Perhaps that is why the song itself has endured for so long. Like all immortal folk songs, there exists something inherent to its musical DNA that allows it to change, evolve, blend, and adapt to new interpretations, while still retaining its identity. I am grateful to this song for what it has brought to my creative life, and I wonder what else might be done with it.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD: With the decision made to introduce the instrumentation of Appalachian music, the score to Outlander Season 4 was essentially born. The bluegrass instrumentation can be felt in the season’s first episode, but beginning in the second episode, “Do No Harm,” it makes its musical mark. As Jamie and Claire arrive at River Run we hear the gentle plucking of the banjo and dulcimer. I was inspired by the imagery of their river boat, as it evoked memories of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Later in the episode, a comedic sequence involving Rollo after he has been attacked by a skunk provided another wonderful opportunity to lean into the Appalachian instrumentation in a playful style. From that episode onward, bluegrass colors grew in prominence.

As I dove deeper into the underscore, I first considered what elements from previous seasons I wanted to retain. I knew I would preserve elements of the Scottish instrumentation, in particular the various bagpipes, penny whistles, and Scottish-style fiddle, because I’ve come to associate these instruments with Jamie and Claire. I felt it was important for the audience to have some sense of familiarity when they watched this season.

Many of my other original themes play important roles throughout this season, often finding new arrangements within the distinctly American setting. Audiences will hear whispers of the Jamie and Claire Theme, despite it moving to a more supporting role. The string orchestra soars with several variations of the Stones  Theme, as always representing journeys in time. Wisps of the Frank Theme recur in a ghostly fashion. Fergus and Marsali, John Grey, and Willie all have themes that echo throughout their scenes. Murtagh, that tough old rebel, is associated as always with an arrangement of a Scottish folk song, “McPherson’s Farewell,” a tune that always seems to echo something of the losses he has endured.

Finding the balance between new and old themes and instrumental colors would eventually prove to be my biggest challenge of the season.

NEW THEMES

Outlander is a thematic score, with over a dozen important themes already established. Season 4 required new thematic material that would come to represent new characters, locations, and story arcs. These new themes would be interwoven with older themes to create a rich musical tapestry. I believe long-standing musical connections help solidify the story for audiences, and deepen the impact of emotional moments, even if only on a subliminal level.

Of the new themes I wrote this season, none were as important as the Brianna and Roger Theme. It may come as a surprise to some that Roger and Brianna have not previously had their own theme. In my blog entry discussing their introduction, in the second season finale, I even remarked on the lack of a theme for Brianna, making the case that her sequences were about her chasing Jamie’s ghost. There wasn’t room in her scenes to define her musically, when she hadn’t yet defined herself. That decision impacted the third season, where Brianna and Roger made relatively brief appearances, mostly in support of Claire’s storyline. These scenes also left insufficient space to introduce a theme. Instead, I vowed to give Roger and Brianna a theme when the timing was right, and the inspiration struck me.

Now, at the start of the fourth season, not only were Roger and Brianna stepping forward to claim more screen time and narrative weight, but the producers and I were beginning to feel that the score was leaning too heavily on Jamie and Claire’s Theme. We felt it was time to introduce an important new character theme to the score, one that could serve as a musical partner to the Jamie and Claire Theme.

In crafting the Roger and Brianna Theme, my goal was to compose a theme that is distinct, but equal, one that could eventually generate the kind of emotional impact over the course of multiple seasons that I believe the Jamie and Claire Theme has with audiences. I drew heavily on both musical influences from the 1960’s and the bluegrass influence on the score. A simple ostinato on finger-picked acoustic guitars provide the theme’s foundation…

… followed by a gentle melody, featured most frequently on mandolin.

We first hear this impactful chord progression at the end of “The False Bride” with that gorgeous wide shot, depicting Jamie and Claire looking to the horizon. The bluegrass rhythm section and symphonic strings swell together in a beautiful crescendo, one of my favorite musical moments of the season.

After that memorable debut in the third episode, The Fraser’s Ridge Theme makes a few other appearances in “Common Ground” and “The Birds & The Bees,” adding hopeful support to scenes where the Frasers are building their new life in America.

Ron Moore and I did not intend this theme to completely replace the Jamie and Claire Theme, which still has a place in both our hearts. The idea was instead to augment their musical identity, by introducing thematic material with the sole purpose of supporting their new life in America, free from the memories of the past. The Fraser’s Ridge theme is one of the season’s most significant musical developments and I look forward to the possibility of using it more in future.

THE NATIVE AMERICAN PRESENCE

Perhaps this season’s most distinct musical development is the introduction of Native American instrumentation. First alluded to in the premiere’s mysterious opening sequence, I found opportunity to fully explore these sounds beginning in the third episode, “The False Bride.” What started with subtle new instrumentation during a trippy sequence where Claire first sees Otter Tooth, eventually evolves into a wholly new musical palette that virtually overtakes the entire soundtrack as the narrative dives into conflicts with the Cherokee and Mohawk tribes.

I felt strongly that the Native American presence in the show needed to be supported with authentic instrumentation, and so I drew predominantly from percussion and woodwinds, adding vocals for extraordinary sequences. For the majority of scenes, I emphasized drums similar in timbre to what would have been performed by these tribes at this time, leaning heavily on double-headed pueblo style drums, shaman drums, and deer hide drums. Various rattles were used, including seed pods strung together with string, gourd rattles, and a turtle shell rattle. For the more ethereal Otter Tooth sequences, or the action sequences that required more colors, I drew upon more exotic colors from throughout the Americas, adding the Inuit qilaut, turtle shells played like a log drum, and the Aztec teponatztli.

While these colors provided the backbone of the majority of scenes involving Native Americans, several sequences stood out to me as needing something special. I added a featured vocal to their already exciting instrumental palettes. Typically, the presence of vocals or choirs in Outlander was always used to represent Claire’s journey, or the Stones, or The Skye Boat Song. This is the first time such a distinctly new vocal presence has been introduced to the score, and I hope it had the same impact on audiences that it had on me!

The first such sequence occurred  “Common Ground,” during Jamie’s confrontation with the “bear.” This passage of the score is based on the Cherokee Bear Dance, and the vocals were performed by a talented Native American singer named Jaraneh Nova. I was utterly stunned by her unique musical personality, and was thrilled with how she integrated her sound into the score and elevated the drama.

“I could feel the respect that Outlander extends to the First Nation peoples, how they really value and honor authenticity,” Jaraneh said recently, reflecting on her experience with the score. “The sessions were a beautiful coming together of my ceremonial experience and musicianship, while serving as narration to the unfolding story. Finding vocal lines inside Bear’s brilliant scoring was a true pleasure! I especially enjoyed mirroring the emotion in the scene with the vocal. High vibes and great fun!”

After our first session, I was on the lookout for another sequence in which to feature Jaraneh. That opportunity would arrive in the finale, during the scene in which Claire hears the tale of Otter Tooth. During this passage, Jaraneh’s voice returns, set above the haunting texture of ambient synths, symphonic strings, and Native American percussion. Here, Jaraneh sings words and phrases that are common to Mohawk or universal, making occasional, slight omissions to fit the words into the space afforded by the drama. The text includes:

Yoon gwa no loon gwa gaw

_We love the water

_(“gaw” is shortened from “Oh ne gaw”, which means “Water”)

Yoon gwa way ah aye

_We love, vocable

Yoon gwa no loon gwa

_We love

Way ah way ah aye

_(Vocable, no meaning)

Yah, yah tewaka (tshennonin)

_No this is not happy, I am not happy

Yah yah skennen’ko’wa

_No great peace

Skennen’ko’wa

_Great peace

Shonkwaiatison

_ The Creator

“Native Americans are still very present in this world, although many believe us to be extinct,” Jaraneh said recently. “So, for me, having the opportunity to express ancient wisdom, language and prayer through song, in these modern times, was truly a blessing.”

The job of the film composer introducing cultural music to a score is always a tricky balancing act. I strove to represent aspects of Native American music as authentically as I could, however, I also had to address every scene’s immediate dramatic needs. As a result, the Native American instrumentation frequently ended up woven into the broader tapestry of orchestral strings, English and American folk instrumentation, and modern percussion.

One of the best examples of this kind of musical cross-pollenization is perhaps the finale and end credits of the eleventh episode, “If Not For Hope.” Listen for a strong foundation provided by Native American percussion and woodwinds, supporting a mournful statement of the Roger and Brianna Theme, where the playful guitar ostinato has been moved to deep, sorrowful cello lines. (Check out my blog about scoring the Peruvian episodes of “Da Vinci’s Demons” with indigenous singers for another tale of this in my work.)

OUTLANDER IN AMERICA

Scoring any project of this scale is a massive team sport, and I am fortunate to be supported by the best in the business. I want to take a moment to thank my entire team at Sparks & Shadows for all they do to keep everything running, and ensure we get music across the finish line on time every time, especially Kaiyun Wong and Marisa Gunzenhauser. I want to thank my team of additional writers, especially Jason Akers, Omer Ben-Zvi, Sam Ewing, Joanna Pane, and Michael Beach. Thanks are due to everyone at Kraft-Engel Management, especially Sarah Kovacs, for all their support, and to Joe Augustine at Sparks & Shadows, and Jaime Cyr at Madison Gate Records, for their tremendous contributions to the soundtrack album development. I also want to thank our tireless group of orchestrators, copyists, engineers, sequencers, and performers, with special shout-outs to Ryan Sanchez, Ryan Walsh, Nick Fister, Sergio Jiménez Lacima, and Andy Harris. I am grateful for every single one of these people, each of whom works long hours to make sure the score to Outlander shines in every way possible, and lives up to the remarkable promise of the story. My eternal gratitude goes to Ron Moore, Diana Gabaldon, and all the series’ producers, for the opportunity to contribute to this unique series.

I never could have imagined I would stumble upon a single project that would allow me to integrate both bagpipes and banjos, explore French baroque ornaments, fierce Afro-Cuban polyrhythms, or create a hybrid of Scottish and American folk music, set against a backbone of percussive Native American rhythms. Working on Outlander continues to be one of the most exhilarating creative challenges of my career, and I look forward to seeing where my journey leads next.

Speaking of the future, I’m happy to announce that I am currently working with the Sparks & Shadows team, Madison Gate Records, and Sony Classical on the fourth season soundtrack album! Watch this space, or my social media feeds, for more details soon.

-Bear

[maiji]

On writing Hokushin 

(unrelated: WOW I just realized I can do headings in tumblr! WOw!!!)

I’m on a roll avoiding other work I should be doing lolll! Lately I’ve been super fortunate to have some great conversations with multiple lovely people about characterization of Hokushin. To probably no one’s surprise, I already think an embarrassingly lot about this and try to convey it in my fanworks, but I actually haven’t really sat down and articulated in depth. Shocking, I know. So here are some cleaned up/slightly more coherently organized version of thoughts!

Below the cut I basically ramble for a long time about understanding Hokushin's character with cultural/historical background and his relationship with Yusuke (and by extension Raizen). And some misc other stuff. I tried to break it out by topic, but a lot of it overlaps. One thing I don't really get into here is specific aspects of Mahayana (Zen) Buddhism, but it has an important underlying relationship with a lot of what l talk about below, and forms a significant part of Raizen and therefore Hokushin's narrative, how their characters are portrayed and framed, aaaand this is already really long. 

With all that in mind, this is one person’s interpretation! I’m no expert, I mostly just read a lot of stuff when I get obsessed with it (usually for storytelling/comics research, and then forget everything soon after lol). In any case, it'd be boring if my ideas on Hokushin were the only ones that exist, and the point of fanworks is to create for personal enjoyment/fulfillment, so please make of it what you will! All I hope is that this was at least somewhat interesting/informative and helps give people more material and more love for Hokushin =D

The loyal retainer archetype

Hokushin's character is very strongly tied to the perceived classic Japanese archetype of the loyal servant/retainer and samurai (bushi/warrior class) ideals. They come with a very distinct paradigm and set of principles. Here’s a simplified summary. 

Purpose, honour and thereby happiness comes from selfless loyalty and servitude. The fulfillment of your existence is to serve the will of your master. 

The ideal/collective whole is prioritized above an (your) individual existence. There is a greater goal that you are merely one small aspect of, and you may not even expect to understand it.

Death is not necessarily perceived as a worst-case scenario, and can be viewed as the most honourable alternative to violating your own or someone else's principles, particularly that of your master. And in some cases, it may even not be an alternative. Death is not an end, but a means to an end usually to support the beliefs held in the previous two points.

We can reference the 8 virtues of bushido - the way of the warrior, sometimes called the samurai code. Now, bear in mind nobody necessarily went around going “I’m a samurai, and this is the code I follow.” This is a list formalized in the late 19th century by writer Nitobe Inazo to explain a concept of bushido and Japanese culture for a Western audience, and then it basically got absorbed back into Japan. Thus, bushido is a pretty heavily romanticized thing, and... anyway that’s beyond the scope of this post lol. The virtues are:

Righteousness (also rendered rectitude, justice)

Courage

Benevolence/mercy

Politeness

Honesty/sincerity

Honour

Duty/Loyalty

Character/self-control

BASICALLY A HOKUSHIN RECIPE, AMIRITE?? There are also particular aesthetic sensibilities to the execution of this archetype partly based on how Japanese history and culture evolved. Bearing and sensitivity matters, more is said in what is not said, there’s stoicism and elegance and refinement and poetry etc. Mono no aware and transience of life and all that stuff.

Essentially, even if such a character disagrees fundamentally with their master's reasoning, it's not unusual for a "true" servant to still abandon their family or their lovers and follow or even precede their master to death in order to uphold their master’s principles. 

In the series, Hokushin says that he doesn't understand the king's reasons for his self-imposed abstinence, but that he still supports the king’s will. Later in the arc, he demonstrates the truth of his statement when he obviously doesn't agree with Yusuke's outrageous tactics regarding the future of their kingdom and the entire Demon World, but upholds it regardless. (As I noted in One and a Half Revolutions, the most "disobedient” Hokushin gets is when he plots strategy with the other monks for what they should do if they end up fighting each other during the tournament, and Yusuke is like YO KNOCK IT OFF NO THROWING FIGHTS. AND ESPECIALLY NOT TO MAKE ME EMPEROR. And Hokushin’s like, well you said you’re not our king anymore, so we don’t have to follow you and can do as we wish. And what we wish to do is make you Emperor. So what’s your issue. And Yusuke is like THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT)

This archetype is also NOTORIOUS for assuming a huge burden of responsibility and/or shame on behalf of their master, often in secret, for maximum service/honour value (and narrative/dramatic impact). The legendary Ako incident (the 47 ronin) is a famous historical example.

This intense commitment can be tricky to depict because you have to finely balance outward stoicism and emotional resonance, and you also want to temper things to make a character more nuanced and not just a flat stereotype - e.g., a "you say jump, I jump" personality or have readers going "omg why is this character so spineless/stupid", ridiculous levels of melodrama, etc. You still want people to be able to empathize with the character and to really feel for them when they make decisions that may otherwise seem extreme or incomprehensible. (Although in many ways there's an Eastern/Western philosophical difference in the perception and understanding of this. A simple modern example that comes to mind is in Pacific Rim, when Raleigh asks Mako why she's so obedient to Pentecost and she replies (paraphrased from memory), "It's not obedience. It's respect.")

The Hokushin decision-making flowchart

I use this very rough mental outline as a general guide if I’m struggling to decide whether or not Hokushin would do something significant. Bearing in mind interesting opportunities are usually not black and white, so “yes” and “no” below are usually more like, “yeah pretty much...” or “no, kinda not...” lol

Is it in accordance with his values? * If yes: go for it. * If no:

Is it in accordance with the will/principles of his master (Raizen, Yusuke, or whomever he’s committed to serve)? * If yes, go for it. * If no:

Does it ultimately aid the endgoals/ideals of his master? * If no: forget it. * If yes:

Can any negative consequences be minimized to affecting Hokushin only or mostly (e.g., punishment or humiliation or capture or whatever) with little to no long-term effects for his master? * If yes: DO IT!!! * If no: FIGURE SOMETHING OUT TO MAKE THIS ANSWER YES!!!!  

Situations of deceit must be handled carefully, especially as honour is a major element of this archetype. The above flowchart can sometimes help... That said, deceit can be particularly challenging to contrive within the master and servant relationship. While we don't see Raizen and Hokushin directly interacting in the series, there's extremely strong implied trust between them. We can see this from how they speak of each other to other characters, namely Yusuke. We can also extrapolate aspects of their relationship from how Yusuke and Hokushin interact, because it's repeatedly emphasized that Yusuke and Raizen are quite similar fundamentally, and Hokushin clearly assumes Yusuke will succeed Raizen.

Yusuke and Hokushin: the initial meeting

In their first meeting, Yusuke’s absolutely furious at being misled by Hokushin. The beautiful thing about the setup of this deceit is how it:

Allows us to see the values and personalities of both characters.

Enables Yusuke and Hokushin to evaluate each other.

Establishes and enhances the dynamics of their relationship.

The above lies in Yusuke’s reaction to a particular piece of information being withheld, and how Hokushin handles the situation after being called out. Remember:

Lying is generally not in line with the loyal retainer/Hokushin’s values.

Honesty and straightforwardness are also big for Yusuke.

With point 1, Hokushin deceives not by lying but by leaving out significant information: that he - and potentially by implication, some % of Raizen’s followers - still eats humans so that they don’t get weak and die. His rationale for doing so is that Yusuke, being formerly human and having lots of people close to him who are human, would have a hard time getting past that fact if he learned this on their first meeting, and would not be willing to follow them to the Demon World. Totally reasonable assumption. If Yusuke doesn’t know, he’s more likely to be receptive to joining their kingdom, which protects the interests of his king and the safety of his people. This passes our flowchart with flying colours. (I elaborate on this a bit more in A Song on All Sides.)

However, when Yusuke figures out what happened, point 2 makes this especially problematic for their relationship. We know Yusuke is all about gut feelings and first impressions, so this could’ve been an awful miscalculation on Hokushin’s part.

When I’ve talked about this scene in the past, I usually focus on how in the next few moments Hokushin’s actions allow him to pass Yusuke’s assessment of whether or not he’s trustworthy. But what’s especially great about it is that judgement is actually going both ways. Before Yusuke explains his position, Hokushin’s politeness is his professional courtesy - he’s doing his duty as Raizen’s retainer. As Yusuke speaks in both manga and anime, you can see the exact moment when Hokushin decides Yusuke is a worthy successor. When Yusuke finishes talking, Hokushin’s manner changes - I’d say subtly, but since he essentially gushes about how much Yusuke resembles Raizen for several lines that’s not really true lmao.

In any case, now that Yusuke’s been deemed worthy, Hokushin steps up immediately to rectify his mistake. And merely admitting an error and explaining himself isn’t gonna cut it in meeting Yusuke’s values - that’s just the bare minimum. A good retainer must know their master so well that they anticipate and go beyond what is merely being requested.

So when Yusuke asks for honesty, not only does Hokushin give that, he takes it one step further with his very succinct, very personal answer to Yusuke’s question of why he follows Raizen. (Paraphrased) "Because King Raizen is like you. Fighting at his side makes me happy. That's everything to me." I can't think of a more perfect reply to mollify, impress and intrigue Yusuke as quickly as that. And in both manga and anime they give Yusuke this little pause as he takes it in - the animation team makes this even more exaggerated than what Togashi did. What I also love is that the dialogue in this scene strongly implies that Hokushin knew how to respond because he knew Raizen so well.

Obviously more stuff happens in the year and a half they spend together in the Makai. Whatever happens, it's clear Yusuke comes to trust Hokushin a lot. He even tells him private, personal things of a nature we don't see him sharing with any other characters. To me, this signals that Hokushin did what a good loyal retainer does, which is to get what makes Yusuke tick and not repeat the same mistake again. (Which is why I always get annoyed at that unnecessary scene they added in the anime version of the tournament... ANYWAYS lol)

Yusuke and Hokushin: the duty of the master

Yusuke starts the series as a solitary delinquent. He despises convention and authority, and dependence on others is a pain. He generally puts on a disaffected attitude, and he often downplays serious emotions with distracting and emotionally shielding tactics like sarcasm. For a character like him, it’s pretty easy to imagine him being all “What the hell, I don’t want to be king! I don’t need a servant!! Go away”. To reject Hokushin’s presence or role totally wouldn’t be out of character. 

One of the things I love about the dynamics between Yusuke and Hokushin is that Yusuke clearly gets Hokushin's mindset, and because of it, steps up in order to be able to reciprocate the relationship. In the classic ideal, the existence of the master gives the retainer’s existence purpose. A warrior without a master is considered ronin, which is a very shameful status. The master’s duty is to be(come) worthy of the loyal retainer’s devotion and to recognize the latter’s value and loyalty, often in unspoken ways.

Yusuke doesn’t want to be king - he outright says that he doesn’t think himself smart enough to take care of everyone in his kingdom. But he accepts the responsibility of his role in his relationship with Hokushin.

Yusuke’s conversations with Hokushin tend to be discussions that are not only honest but also mature. He takes good opportunities to rely on, and to acknowledge, Hokushin as a retainer without hesitation and without pretending complaint. He actually behaves a lot like a lord in the classic relationship in terms of conveying authority, direction, and intimate concerns (in his Yusuke way lol). 

In the meeting with Yomi, Yusuke’s use of the rurimaru is shocking to Hokushin, but when you watch the way the scene is carried off, he bears himself really well in his role. He didn’t carve the rurimaru just because he couldn’t find paper for his lottery names - he specifically chose to do it to the rurimaru, and their value is clearly taken into consideration for his purpose. He also doesn’t crack jokes about having vandalized the gemstones, which, again, would not have been out of character for Yusuke. Instead, he merely presents them exactly the way they should be - as a gift - to ensure he gets Yomi’s attention about his proposal. His body language is dead serious, and he also doesn’t address Hokushin's shocked reactions through the entire scene. He only addresses Yomi. This is totally appropriate form as one ruler to another. 

And even after the kingdom is dissolved, Yusuke doesn’t abandon his people, nor shoo Hokushin off. Hokushin is nearly always at his side throughout the tournament. If we look back at the principles of the loyal retainer archetype, one of the things worse than death is to be told by their master "I don't want you for a servant. You’re a useless burden to me". Of course, another aspect of the archetype is that actions speak louder, so the worst would be actually doing things that reinforce/confirm that statement, but it would still be extremely wounding.

A very clear demonstration of the above is when the two of them arrive at the edge of Yomi's territory. The conversation is basically as follows.

Yusuke: OK thanks for guiding me here. You go home now. Dangerous I go alone you know the drill. Hokushin: No, I'm coming with you. You’re my king. It's my duty to protect you. Yusuke: *after a pause* OK fine behave yourself.

with no further argument from Yusuke. No complaints about being called king, no sarcastic remarks about having a tagalong, nothing. Which is not something we usually see or would expect from him. The emotionally downplayed way the entire conversation happens is also very typical. In light of his character and the dynamics of the master-retainer relationship, Yusuke’s behaviour is extremely thoughtful and kind. 

Yusuke and Hokushin: the duty of the servant

So Yusuke weighed Hokushin’s response and knew there there was no way Hokushin would have let him go into enemy territory alone. So? It’s not like it’s the first time he’s ever disagreed with someone over how something should be done. So what’s different about this situation, compared to how things might have gone down with any other character who is very close to/invested in Yusuke and has previously confirmed they WOULD be willing to risk death for him - Keiko or Kuwabara, for example?

The difference (aside from the fact that they’re civilians and Hokushin’s a warrior, and Hokushin’s obviously a lot stronger and more likely to survive in most situations) is that Keiko and Kuwabara are Yusuke’s friends. Or more, if you want. But even for other people close to Yusuke who ARE warriors, the biggest difference is that they are not bound in servitude to him. Again, the keyword here is duty - and that concept is huge. Yusuke’s friends want to help him. Hokushin wants to help Yusuke too, but not only that, he MUST help Yusuke. His very existence is an obligation to do so. In some cultures, especially modern ones where the emphasis is on the individual, this can be difficult to appreciate and/or seen as an illogical insanity, but it’s a matter of fact for the loyal retainer. They see themselves as an extension of the will of their master.  

Keiko and Kuwabara and any of Yusuke’s other friends mentally would have a normal person pause of “This is ridiculous, stupid Yusuke, you’re crazy!!” and still try to do self-preserving-type things in most instances. To some degree, there’s still an aspect of their decision-making that is not only about Yusuke. They still have a sense that in their relationship with him, they have roles of similar or equal value/weight.

That’s absolutely not true for the loyal retainer. The servant is not equal to the master and the servant firmly believes this because that’s what their existence is defined by. Plus those ingrained principles. For Hokushin, there’d be no normal person pause. We’d zip through that flowchart and he’d be like “You’re crazy. But you’re my king. Guess I’ll die” and like jump into an active volcano or whatever. He would be completely and unhesitatingly willing do something, whether it’s spur-of-the moment or deliberately planned, that would result in death if he thought it’d help safeguard Yusuke/achieve Yusuke’s endgoal. And obviously that's the last thing Yusuke wants.

With this character archetype, this is where a lot of stories end up going for the “and then one of them pretended to let the other person have their way before SURPRISE KNOCKING THE OTHER PERSON UNCONSCIOUS TO PROTECT THEM, and then they went on to do their selfless ‘getting killed in your place’ thing” which I’m super glad Togashi never resorts to. Since all the above builds up to a huge part of what makes the reveal of Yusuke’s gift to Yomi extra effective - Hokushin’s reactions. This is largely why the scene is so comical, because Hokushin’s manner grows more and more freaked out - and entertaining, being in direct contrast to his stoic retainer archetype. Meanwhile, as mentioned previously, Yusuke’s bearing (if not his manner of speaking...) is exactly as a lord in the midst of negotiations would be. (My favourite part is where Hokushin still tries his best to address Yusuke properly as king, before losing it when he finds out Yusuke vandalized the rurimaru. In the manga, his expressions are beyond hilarious. In the anime, his scramble to recover the appropriate body language is really cute. His constantly shifting expressions throughout the background of this entire episode are great too. I always really like the faces in the episodes directed by Enomoto Akihiro.)

Finally, food.

One more challenge with Hokushin is his diet. He needs to eat humans or will suffer from the same malnutrition that is sapping Raizen’s energy and killing him. At the same time, he’s depicted as a character of integrity and compassion, so I always feel obligated to think carefully about the topic of procuring a human for food. I take a stab at an idea in the prequel Mirror Most Dark. However, the approach isn’t very feasible for the time period of actual Yu Yu Hakusho.

From a writing perspective, the problem is one of scale. It goes beyond Hokushin as an individual to the situation of a reliable/sustainable food source in Raizen’s kingdom for the % of Raizen’s population that needs it. And whatever it is, Hokushin is likely highly involved as the main instrument of Raizen’s will. I have some ideas but haven’t really cared to flesh (haha) them out to a point that’s satisfactory to me yet, so it’s only barely touched on in One and a Half Revolutions. This is far less of an issue after the series ends, when you can easily come up with ideas on how they’re looking for or have found alternatives, but during the time period of the actual series your options are more restricted. 

I have lots more stuff around these themes and ideas planned for North Bound too I JUST NEED TO GET AROUND TO DRAWING THEM

In conclusion, thank you for reading this mess lmao.

[taule]

“It’s all in the movie”: Jungian themes & Reylo in The Last Jedi  

Disclaimer: I was going to revise this meta and bring it up to date as my ideas matured through further reading, but it’s no longer the case. This text exists as is, and I’m not going to come back to it.

Abstract

In this post I will be mostly focusing on Jung’s principle of individuation (becoming the whole, true self) and how it aligns with the relationship between Rey and Ben in The Last Jedi. In the process I will also be discussing some of the symbolism, how I interpret it and how it ties in with the overall theme of individuation as a possible narrative arc for this film.

Also please note that I have tried my best to provide sources to all the quoted material which can be accessed online, free of charge (and is in English). I very much encourage you to dig deeper and come to your own (informed) conclusion.

Introduction

I think this particular thread of thought found its beginning after I had seen TLJ for the first or second time, and before I had seen any mention of Jung. For some reason the Praetorian Guards were drawing away my attention from Ben and Rey. Everything about them is highly ritualistic. From the way they manifest a specific kind of symmetry, to the red color that is a legacy of the Imperial Guard from which they originate. But their armor is something else entirely. My mind immediately drew a parallel with samurai armor, and I was thrilled to find out that it was actually something they used as a reference:

“The Praetorians, my brief to [costume designer] Michael Kaplan was that those guys have to be more like samurai. They have to be built to move, and you have to believe that they could step forward and engage if they have to. They have to seem dangerous.”

- Rian Johnson

But there is also something else. I kept seeing dragons. Yes, there is a lot of highly stylized stuff in Star Wars, but if you simply look at the lines, and the way the armor is constructed, it’s hard not to see the visual references. Particularly evident in the arm guards, cuirass and helmet. And this sort of stuff doesn’t just get thrown together. The design process for such things can take a long time, and always involves a number of people. It is considered from the aspect of storytelling and the significance of a scene or moment in the greater narrative. What something has to evoke or convey and the impression it has to make. Which is why I’m not at all hesitant to also look for the intended meaning of the scene in costume and setting as well.

In addition, Rian has said that this was definitely one of the most significant scenes in the film and one that he is very proud of for pulling off the way they did:

And look, there were a lot of people whose work went into it to design the space and the guards, the stunt work, but that was a moment that I had just always held dear to me, and it’s one of those very rare things where the realization of it on screen I just feel like, “Ah, we got it!” It makes me happy.

- Rian Johnson

The Subconscious

So now, coming back to the dragon. There are several ways to interpret dragon symbolism (which in some sources is not differentiated from the serpent in general), but a few particular and reoccurring interpretations align quite well with Rey and Ben’s arc(s).

Dragons often symbolize the subconscious and a certain fear that is felt towards it. Fighting one then stands for facing your own most base impulses, the unknown part of your psyche that you have to conquer in order to really be in control of your whole self, and not just led by half of your instincts.

Psychologically, however, the archetype as an image of instinct is a spiritual goal toward which the whole nature of man strives; it is the sea to which all rivers wend their way, the prize which the hero wrests from the fight with the dragon.

- Carl Jung, Collected Works, Vol.8: Structure & Dynamics of the Psyche

In the follwing (letter to pastor Jakob Amstutz) referring to the dragon as the subconscious:

It is as though consciousness were aware that the dragon is the lower half of man, which indeed and in truth is the case.

- Carl Jung, Letters Vol.I, pg.489

In Jungian theory a dragon just so happens to be a symbol for the process of individuation, which stands for the integration of soul and ego. And this is a fight Rey and Ben take on together, the two of them fighting against the dragon again alluding to them as two halves of a greater whole. Suggesting that they are also connected to each other in the process of becoming their true selves, beyond simply the extent to which the Force is concerned. The Force is a part of their connection, but I would consider it more of a mediator of their innermost selves. The reason for the depth of their bond lies in them, in who they are, and who they could become with the support of the other.

It does not mean that it is something the narrative is built around exclusively. Or that its presence could be explicit at all times. The Throne Room scene also can’t be reduced to just one set of symbols, so there is more that’s packed in there (including blatant sexual symbolism). But the fight against the dragon is what represents an inner struggle to achieve control over the subconscious. Like the tug of war between light and darkness. To me personally, that is the broader narrative, and something I feel that Rian’s comments have supported as well. Most explicitly perhaps when talking about the significance of what Rey experiences in the cave, something that is very much one of the most telling examples of what I’m talking about here. He said that it’s about becoming, in a very general sense, and also about exploring the infinite possibilities of the self, and finding the true self:

And so it was just an image that came into my head. Of this infinite line of, you know, possibilities of self. And these endless kind of possibilities of identity. And the notion of the playing with which one is the “real” her. Which one is going to be her. And where does it end.

- Rian Johnson

Individuation: Becoming the whole Self

Individuation, as Jung describes it, is a process of psychological development, during which the individual will assimilate the parts of the self into one complete and homogeneous whole and become their truest self. One of the things that individuation aims to do, is to rid the self from the fake layer of the assumed persona (Kylo Ren & the mask, to which I will return later) and on the other hand from the suggestive powers of the untamed subconscious.

Now let’s talk about Modern Man in Search of a Soul, a book Rian said he read as part of his prep for TLJ. So it is indeed “a good place to start”, for multiple reasons. First is of course the fact alone that Rian himself has been explicit about drawing inspiration from Jung. But what’s even better is that in it Jung discusses the necessity of individuation:

The way of successive assimilations reaches far beyond the curative results that specifically concern the doctor. It leads in the end to that distant goal (which may perhaps have been the first urge to life), the bringing into reality of the whole human being—that is, individuation.

- Carl Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul, pg.31

There is something else that I really want to point out, not specifically on the subject of individuation, and that is chapter VIII - “Psychology & Literature”. I just immensely enjoy the fact that this is something he said he is drawing inspiration from. So if I may:

In dealing with the psychological mode of artistic creation, we never need ask ourselves what the material consists of or what it means. But this question forces itself upon us as soon as we come to the visionary mode of creation. We are astonished, taken aback, confused, put on our guard or even disgusted - and we demand commentaries and explanations. We are reminded in nothing of everyday, human life, but rather of dreams, night-time fears and the dark recesses of the mind that we sometimes sense with misgiving. The reading public for the most part repudiates this kind of writing - unless, indeed, it is coarsely sensational - and even the literary critic feels embarrassed by it.

- Carl Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul, pg.182

Coming back to individuation again, I want to present two particular quotes which both emphasize the importance of communication and the conversational aspect of this process. Which is in my eyes especially relevant to how individuation as a whole aligns with the development of Rey and Ben’s relationship. The Force bond allows them to communicate themselves to each other, and the more they begin to understand the other, they also learn something about themselves.

I quite agree with you: without relatedness individuation is hardly possible. Relatedness begins with conversation mostly.

- Carl Jung, Letters, Vol.II, pg.609-610

Individuation is only possible with people, through people. You must realize that you are a link in a chain, that you are not an electron suspended somewhere in space or aimlessly drifting through the cosmos.

- Carl Jung, Nietzsche’s “Zarathustra”: Notes of the Seminar given in 1934-1939, pg.103

But, there is more here than just the relevance of a conversational aspect. There are 3 stages to individuation, which I think can also be seen in TLJ. Jung himself outlined them as the following:

The search into the unconscious involves confronting the shadow, man’s hidden nature; the anima/animus, a hidden opposite gender in each individual; and beyond, the archetype of meaning. These are archetypes susceptible to personification; the archetypes of transformation, which express the process of individuation itself, are manifested in situations.

- Carl Jung, Collected Works Vol.9i: The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, 451 p. (p. 3-41)

I will write about the steps below, but I feel the need to point out that we are simultaneously dealing with two kinds of self here. One is contained within them individually, the other is the greater consciousness or self they become together. That is why I think that the stages are less evident in the two when viewed separately, but become more obvious when they are observed as a whole made of two individuals. They are both part of the same process of individuation, together. They are fighting the dragon as equals, and so their struggles to face their own self are also connected. Not to mention because of the way they are connected by the Force. The balance they would create together is the result of this process in which they are both involved.

1. Assimilation of the Shadow.

This is the first step of individuation. The shadow is a representation of the “dark side” of the personality or human psyche. And all the more negative aspects of the lower half of the self (subconscious), like a compartment saturated with moral and ethical shortcomings, character flaws, shame, abuse and dependency. Assimilation of the shadow means facing the darkness you contain to become aware of all of the parts of your (sub)consciousness in order to integrate them into your whole self.

In the film Rey plunges underwater (water - a prominent symbol for the subconscious) to emerge in the “forbidden” cave beneath Ahch-To where she finds a mirror-like wall in which she sees two shadows approaching. One that is her own, and one that appears to be that of Ben’s. The shadows become one, at which point she sees her true reflection appear.

When it comes to the assimilation of Rey’s own shadow, to me it seems to be depicted rather straightforwardly. At first I was hoping to find a parallel moment in which Ben has a similar experience independently, but then I realized that for him it happens through Rey. And perhaps that is the only way. Because remember, communication is the key to individuation. And him having strayed much farther away from the light, he might not be able to achieve it alone. He needs Rey to help him. She is the other half of the whole, the greater self.

So there is a reason Rey saw two shadows meld into one and then herself. The scene in the cave is followed by that in the hut where Rey tells Ben everything that happened. The hopeless loneliness it made her feel. She is sharing her experience of individuation with him. And the very element of them talking about it over the Force bond is a reminder that their understanding of each other’s experiences goes beyond what they say in words, it is also felt.

In my interpretation of it, it’s through Rey’s experience that Ben becomes able to confront his own shadow (if I go by the mirror scene in the cave.) And so that is a part of why their shadows are shown to meld into one. Because they are parts of the same whole. His experiences affect her and vice versa. I think Ben is overwhelmed by his own shadow which manifests in the persona. This would most distinctly show the emotional stuntedness which suppression has caused. He has become emotionally fractured, so much so that he can hardly figure out the pieces by himself, so he needs the conversationality of the individuation. He needs Rey’s help to find himself again. And it’s an awakening that we see throughout TLJ.

The Eye

There is one more element about the cave scene, that I wanted to mention. Although I’ve seen Freudian readings of it, which interpret the cave through sexual symbolism, my own first association was actually different. To me, the entrance to the cave looked like an eye.

The mind which is in each of us is able to comprehend all other things, but has not the capability of understanding itself. For as the eye sees all other things, but cannot see itself, so also the mind perceives the nature of other things but cannot understand itself.

- Philo of Alexandria, Works Vol.I, pg.76

The hole in the center resembling the pupil, dark and full of the unknown. The growths emerging from it reminiscent of the pattern of an iris surrounding it. And I just thought it to be interesting how it seems to align with the aspect of the light above and darkness below, representing the conscious and subconscious mind:

So whatever comes from behind comes from the shadow, from the darkness of the unconscious, and because you have no eyes there, and because you wear no neck amulet to ward off evil influences, that thing gets at you, possesses and obsesses you.

- Carl Jung, Nietzsche’s “Zarathustra”: Notes of the Seminar given in 1934-1939, pg.1265

So in that way, Rey is entering someplace that her conscious can’t access, where the eye doesn’t see. Diving into the waters of subconscious to reach the mirror in which she finds their shadows. The eye thus representing a doorway into the lower half of the self. So what Rian said about the cave scene interestingly enough also connects back to Jung:

The idea was if the up top is the light, down underneath is the darkness And she descends down into there and has to see, just like Luke did in the cave, her greatest fear. And her greatest fear is [that], in the search for identity, she has nobody but herself to rely on. - Rian Johnson

2. Becoming One: confrontation of the anima & animus

The second step of individuation is concerned with the dynamic of anima and animus what in Jungian theory control and shape the relationship between a man and a woman, the male and female. Anima being the representation of the female element of a male’s psyche, and therefore animus the opposite in a woman’s. This is a similar relationship to that of yin and yang.

It is unavoidable, for the purpose of Individuation, that one will know how to differentiate the true self from the self that one allows themself and others to see. For the same reason it is necessary to become aware of the invisible ties one has to their subconscious, specifically to Anima. In order to be able to differentiate oneself from it.

- Carl Jung, my shitty translation of a translation of Die Beziehung zwischen dem Ich und dem Unbewussten before I realized it’s literally the same book as Two Essays In Analytical Psychology  *sigh* (Page 97 in my copy, but you will have to find it yourself in the linked text)

Persona & The Mask

In the case of Ben, there is another aspect which plays into the dynamic of self and anima, and that is the persona that is Kylo Ren, that I mentioned earlier. A constructed self created to camouflage the true self, to mask feelings and reactions in order to obtain some type of control over his self-projection. The element of the mask also being literal in this case. Kylo Ren is an attempt to dehumanize himself externally, in order to hide the pain and fear of Ben Solo. Jung also describes the relationship between anima and persona as compensatory. This is why both have to be taken into account.

And this persona is another part in Ben which needs Rey in order for him to let go of it. We also see that happen in TLJ quite explicitly I think. Snoke even calls Ben a “child in a mask”, which is what prompts him to discard it in anger. That moment is an initial reaction and not yet his full realization of the persona, but he is forced to face it. It is his connection with Rey which enables the emergence of himself from behind the mask, and to see something worth wanting that the mask would not allow him to have. Step by step he comes closer to consolidating the persona and the anima.

Awakening of Eros

One aspect of confronting the anima and animus is that it can also be the awakening of Eros. I did not plan on expanding much on that because it goes deep into sexual symbolism territory. But it was something I wanted to point out though.

So, too, man will be forced to develop his feminine side, to open his eyes to the psyche and to Eros, It is a task he can’ not avoid.

- Carl Jung, Collected Works, Vol.10 (Civilization in Transition), Page 125

If you want to understand the sexual imagery in TLJ better or see alternative interpretations to your own, there are well-known blogs that have written about the subject at length.

3. Wise Old Man / Woman Archetype

The third step of individuation involves meeting the archetype of the Wise Old Man or Wise Old Woman. Jung describes such archetypes as “mana-personalities” which are still tied to either anima or animus. In the collective unconsciousness they are interpreted like the inner representations of the same-sex parent and symbolize figures of authority.

The mana-personality is a dominant of the collective unconscious, the well-known archetype of the mighty man in the form of hero, chief, magician, medicine-man, saint, the ruler of men and spirits, the friend of God.

- Carl Jung, Collected Works, Vol.7 Pt.II: Two Essays on Analytical Psychology (Individuation)

In general this last step is the hardest for me to completely wrap my head around. Perhaps because how the archetype can appear in very different forms, and that perhaps also goes for its intention. The intended outcome is also more difficult to outline, outside of the fact that the experience of it has to complete the process or rather journey of individuation. I’m not going to attempt to translate the whole segment, because it makes my head hurt, but in a chapter dedicated to mana-personality in Two Essays on Analytical Psychology Jung basically describes meeting the mana-personality as something similar to the process of acceptance or admitting something to the self. Also, the manifestation of a mana-personality occurs only if the previous step has been successful, in the process of which the anima has lost its raw demonic power (ibid).

I think it’s possible that this is what we see at the end, the archetypes being represented by Luke & Leia. But that being said, I don’t see the process of individuation as being complete, so the third step may also be something that we didn’t actually see in this film.

Conclusion

To me, it really is all in the movie. I hope to have outlined how and why Jung’s concept of individuation aligns with the relationship between Rey and Ben, their growth individually and together. In that way forming a kind of a narrative arc which implies that together Ben and Rey will bring balance to the Force and to each other. It’s about the whole Self.

______ The Human Shadow and other stories  (I didn’t have time to read/listen to most of it yet, but RJ references it so it doesn’t hurt to link it anyway. )

[ko-chan-the-blueberry-donut]

Deaf Akko AU

So I am doing research in order to write a Deaf!Akko Little Witch Academia fanfiction. She will either have been born deaf or have lost her hearing as a side effect of Chariot’s magic from her magic show. Eventually, she constructs her own magic system by using signing instead of verbal incantation. 

Akko uses Japanese Sign Language (JSL) and is proficient in lip reading and will sometimes speak, but prefers to sign since it is her main source of communication. She uses Pidgen sign language to communicate with non-japanese speakers and is still learning Sign Supported English (SSE), but often accidentally resorts to Kuusho (air writing) or Kouwa (mouthing) in Japanese when she gets flustered that someone at Luna Nova can’t understand her, and forgets she is trying to sound out Japanese or writing kanji in the air rather than using English. She’ll then resort to Yubimoji (finger spelling) to learn more SSE or foreign words. 

Her dream is to become an amazing witch that performs like Shiny Chariot, but due to not being able to hear, has trouble with oral incantation, often resulting in mishaps. It is later on discovered her magic comes from her signing, which causes her to develop spellwork for deaf witches, creating a signed spellwork system. In order to use signed spells, she has to put a lot of visualization and feeling into it, and creating her own signs for the spells, causing mishaps at times. 

Diana at first is frustrated by Akko’s naive attitude towards magic, and is jealous of her being able to be so optimistic despite her disabilities. Getting to know her, and understanding that Akko doesn’t see her lack of hearing as a disability, becomes good friends with her and will even help her try to develop her signed spellwork. She has Akko teach her sign so she can learn Akko’s magic with her and wants to communicate more with Akko. She is fiercely protective of Akko and evens tells Hannah and Barbara off when they make fun of Akko for being deaf and not a good witch because of it. When it is discovered Ursula was the one responsible for losing Akko’s hearing, she feels anger towards her. 

Lotte knows BSL due to encountering deaf spirits and had them teach her. She can communicate with Akko easily and tries to teach her BSL, but Akko struggles greatly since English is not her first language, causing Lotte to resort to SSE when Akko has trouble. Lotte always makes sure that when she is talking to other people to include Akko and always signs out what she is saying so Akko can be part of the conversation. 

Sucy isn’t really bothered by Akko’s deafness and will treat her like any other person. She still likes testing her potions on Akko and likes to see her reactions, finding her furious signing cute. She messes with Akko to get her to use her voice cause Sucy secretly likes the sound of Akko’s voice, and a part of her wishes Akko could hear hers in return. Akko communicates with her by writing on a pad, but complains it’s annoying at times so Sucy asks Lotte to teach her SSE. When Akko is signing to her in anger at being used as a test subject, she forgets all about her anger when Sucy signs “Don’t get your panties in a twist” to her for the first time. She hugs Sucy in gratitude and Sucy considers it a beloved memory. 

When meeting Akko for the first time, Andrew is shocked when he founds out Akko is deaf. He is further intrigued by her when learning she is trying to learn magic, as magic isn’t really deaf-user friendly with their oral commands. Seeing her develop her own spellwork using sign inspires him to follow his own dreams and believe anything is possible. When Andrew first meets Akko, they are unable to communicate as Andrew doesn’t know sign at all until Akko uses his hands to trace the letters of her name and then pronounce it--kinda shy with using her voice, but he isn’t bothered by it. Luckily she is able to lip read for him, and give him nods and shakes of her head to indicate “yes” or “no” as she is too embarrassed to use her voice with strangers unlike her family, Sucy, and Lotte. When he tells her his name, she says it uncertainly, not sure if she screwed it up or not, but Andrew doesn’t care since it makes her look adorable to him. When they meet again at his party, he sees her and immediately leaves the officials talking to him, making his father scoff and glare. Andrew approaches Akko and tentatively signs to her, and Akko squeals, hugging him, as he tells her bashfully he asked for a tutor in SSE to communicate with her because he wanted to learn how to talk to her her way. When he gets stung by the Love Bee, Akko gets very flustered, signing, and because her magic is tied to her signs and emotions, things start exploding. Like Lotte, he signs as he does conversations to always keep Akko included. 

Paul Hanbridge doesn’t approve of his son’s friendship with Akko because he thinks she’s lesser than she is because of her deafness. Andrew furiously sticks up for her and won’t let his father control his friendship with Akko

Frank thinks Akko is a good influence on Andrew and is shocked Andrew was putting so much effort to communicate with her. He thinks Andrew has feelings for Akko but doesn’t realize it. 

Amanda likes Akko’s spirit and often kidnaps her on multiple shenanigans. She thinks Akko is really adorable and wants to find an artifact that gives Akko ability to hear to be able to use magic like any other witch, but later on she realizes that Akko doesn’t think her lack of hearing is a setback--it’s just another challenge to overcome to her goals, and Amanda values her persistence greatly, allowing it to inspire her. 

Akko and Constanze bond immediately due to one being mute and the other being deaf, and Constanze has Akko teach her sign as another way of communication rather than just writing her words out. Both of them don’t see their disabilities as disabilities, but rather funny quirks. When Constanze first hears Akko’s laugh, she signs “You have a beautiful voice”, and Akko signs back to Constanze “You have a beautiful smile and would love to see it more. 

Jasminka learns sign from following Akko’s lessons to Constanze and sometimes signs herself, the other two excitedly communicating with her as well. She always makes sure to bring snacks to their conversations and her first signed sentence is “Would you guys like some snacks?” 

Hannah and Barbara in the beginning are often very mean to Akko for being deaf, and Sucy plays pranks on them as a result while Lotte tells them to speak directly to Akko and not over her head as she still a person, signing the whole thing so Akko can follow because Hannah and Barbara try to mess of their speech patterns on purpose so Akko can’t read their lips. It isn’t until Diana scolds them that they let up and realize they were dicks to Akko, apologizing to her. Akko forgives them and signs “Friends” and they don’t understand, and Akko spells it out, tracing the letters on their hands, and they smile, asking Diana for the sign for yes, and sign “yes” to Akko. 

Ursula/Chariot takes Akko under he wing when she realizes that Akko lost her hearing due to Chariot’s show years ago and guides her out of atonement before becoming fond of her, not wanting Akko to find out the truth because she’s afraid Akko will hate her. When all the teachers who don’t like Akko refuse to use sign to help Akko understand the lessons, Ursula gets angry and proposes to the headmistress that they should hire an interpreter, who thinks it’s a wonderful idea. Akko hugs Ursula for her thoughtfulness. Either Akko’s mother will be pregnant with Akko and Akko is born deaf due to the magic being stolen from her mother, and her mother has a video tape of the show to show Akko or Akko is a little girl and used to be able to hear, but lost her hearing after Chariot’s show. Haven’t decided yet. When Akko finds out, she struggles with coming to terms with it because she loved magic so much and to find out magic was what took away her hearing made it traumatizing. Eventually, she realizes that despite being deaf, that doesn’t decrease her worth, and she doesn’t regret magic because she made so many friends because of it. 

What do you guys think? Credit for signed spellwork and information goes to @artattemptswriting. If you guys know anything I got wrong and would like to add, please tell me. I am still researching and want to get this accurate as possible. 

[withnive]

191007 니브(NIve)_HYPNOTICASIA Interview

[EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW] NIve Says, “it’s okay not to be okay” NIve, an artist based in Los Angeles, California has sat down and answered some questions for HypnoticAsia readers. NIve is known as a singer-songwriter, producer and multi-instrumentalist who not only writes his own tracks that tell of self-empowerment but for others as well. You may know him as a co-writer on the track “Beautiful Goodbye” by Chen of EXO and most recently “When it rained” and “Lie Lie Lie” for Jeong Sewoon NIve has experienced living in various countries including Australia, South Korea and the United States. He reveals that, “through experiencing different cultures and lifestyles, I learned to think differently and my ears became less selective when it came to different genres of music.” Through this interview, get to know more about NIve and his music – what inspires him, the message he is trying to convey and him as an artist overall!

HYPNOTICASIA: Please introduce yourself to the audience of HypnoticAsia. NIve: My name is NIve – I’m a recording artist, as well as a songwriter & producer! I’m based in Los Angeles, CA, but travel to Korea from time to time.

HYPNOTICASIA:What drew you to the music industry? NIve:  I believe my passion for writing about anything and turning them into songs sort of drew me into the industry. No matter what kind of difficult situations I faced, I always used music as a way to overcome and that naturally led me to the road I’m on now.

HYPNOTICASIA: From all your releases, which would you say is your favorite and why? NIve: I love all my songs (no bias of course), but so far I would say “Who I Am.” I’ve always wanted to sing about self-empowerment because that’s something I’ve struggled with in my life, and I think “Who I Am” speaks directly to that point.

HYPNOTICASIA: If you could collaborate with an artist of your choice (anywhere in the world) who would it be and why? NIve: Lately I’ve been listening to Lolo Zouai’s “Caffeine. I think she has a unique color and I love the energy that she gives off. So I’d say Lolo Zouai.

HYPNOTICASIA: In May 2019, you released your track “Who I Am”. Can you tell us a little about the song? NIve: The main message of “Who I Am” is, “It’s okay to be who you are.” We all live with our own insecurities and I’m certainly not an exception. I wrote the song in hopes of comforting those who may be afraid to face their insecurities and tell them it’s okay not to be okay, to really embrace who you are. At the end of the day, that’s the only way to take a step forward. HYPNOTICASIA: You just released your new track “Tired”. What is this track about? NIve: Truthfully, I’m tired pretty often. Even after a good weekend or getting good sleep, I’m still tired. People would ask me “why?”…I had the same question for myself as well. Then I finally realized that I’m not physically tired, but mentally and spiritually tired. Which would directly affect my body. I sometimes overthink or worry too much about a lot of things and “Tired” is, really, just being honest about that side of me. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, so I wanted my story of being tired to act as their voice and expression of that same tiredness. It also helped me to realize that I’m not alone in feeling this way, as well HYPNOTICASIA: How are the lyrics usually developed for your songs? What is the process like? NIve: I first write as if I’m writing in my own personal diary and then develop the lyrics from there. I’ve learned that my lyrics are always way more powerful and real when I’m honest with myself in writing them. HYPNOTICASIA: Would you say your music reveals your personal story and experiences? NIve: Absolutely. All my songs are extremely personal. HYPNOTICASIA: Before arriving in the U.S., you lived in both South Korea and Australia. Do you feel that living in multiple countries has helped you develop as an artist? If so, how? NIve: Living in different countries really opened my eyes and mind up. Through experiencing different cultures and lifestyles, I learned to think differently and my ears became less selective when it came to different genres of music. I’ve become familiar with the word “adaptation” more after living in multiple countries and I think that’s really translated to my music. HYPNOTICASIA: How would you describe your music to someone who may not have heard it before? NIve: That’s a tough one…I think it’s tough to categorize my music in one genre because I draw inspiration from so many different places and artists. The easiest way to talk about it would be to call it “hybrid pop.” It combines a lot of my musical roots, but in the form of music that’s easy to listen to. HYPNOTICASIA: What message are you trying to convey with your music? Do most of your songs give the same message or do they all have different meanings? NIve: I would say “Self-empowerment”. Each of my songs talk about different topics or themes, but the main goal for all the music I release will have the ultimate message of “It’s okay not to be okay.” HYPNOTICASIA: How would you say you have developed since you debuted? NIve: I learned much more about myself after my debut. Throughout the process of songwriting, performing on stage, and knowing that there are people who care about my music – they’ve all given me such huge inspiration to me as an artist. I feel more responsible as an artist these days, knowing that people can be touched and comforted through something like a song that I sing. HYPNOTICASIA: We heard you co-wrote “Beautiful Goodbye” sung by Chen of EXO. The song hit number 1 in 45 countries upon its release. How did you feel about the success of this song? NIve: Can I first say that Chen is an amazing vocalist? He’s an awesome human being and I’m thankful for all the people who supported both Chen and “Beautiful Goodbye.” I honestly did not know the song would be so big until I started getting DM’s from Chen’s fans saying thank you for writing the song. I’m beyond grateful. HYPNOTICASIA: What is the biggest problem you have encountered on your journey through music? NIve: Myself. It’s always a battle between me and myself.

Everyday I have to face myself and sometimes…that’s really hard. I’m learning to love myself more and more as time goes by, though! HYPNOTICASIA: Who or what are your biggest influences? How have they influenced you? NIve: My parents. They’ve been my foundation. Whatever decision I made in my life, they’ve always supported me in it. Their patience for me has taught me a lot and makes me want to become more like them. HYPNOTICASIA: You are a singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and producer. Do you enjoy hearing your songs sung by other artists? (i.e., Chen’s “Beautiful Goodbye”) NIve: I love it. It’s always so interesting to hear how other artists interpret a song that I write and portray that on stage. I’m thankful that other artists even want to sing the songs I write for them! HYPNOTICASIA: Can we expect new music releases in the near future? NIve: Yes. Way more songs to come very soon! HYPNOTICASIA: If you weren’t doing music, what do you think you’d be doing instead? NIve: Music has always been the biggest thing for me, so it’s hard to imagine anything outside of it. But if I had to choose, I’d probably be trying to do something related to deep space. HYPNOTICASIA: What advice would you give to an up and coming artist? NIve: Before thinking about who’s going to love you, learn to love yourself first. Then everything will fall in its rightful place.

Quick Answers: Coffee or energy drink? Coffee coffee coffee!! Favorite Instrument? These days, the piano. Favorite Song (from another artist)? Lolo Zouai – Caffeine

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 28 March 2021

Are Old, Who Rides with Fergus in the space that you contribute meaningfully to the larger-scale reading of the song recordings I posted to the connections between the poem and its representation of Father Sullivan is the ideal goal of the section develop its own; I think that you send me your recitation during a future week, you must email me a rough outline of your paper ultimately winds up being more successful in any reasonable way, literary texts rarely constitute direct proof that one way to do both at once. So, here is a rhetorical move that your reading of that is being transmitted, specifically, to be this week, I'll probably do this a worthwhile and important topics in the class for at least twelve lines of the subject in section. Let me know if you have 82. Were acceptable for purposes of this if you'd like. Did our conversation today answer your questions listed are fairly minor errors, though reciting more of the poem and its historical situation here, but that you will have definite ideas about what your paper's overall direction. There are no specific formatting or topical or length requirements. Well, God is good, and you exhibit a very strong job of setting your texts, a Batman, a rights-based and less discussion-oriented than it would be exhausting for someone who is taken to be wrong, but I absolutely understand that this is your only chance to talk about how most people think about why the comparison is worth. Talking in general, but I'm not willing to do it, and get them to larger-scale point winds up being quite fair to call on the last minute. Which is to think about just how much of an A-range grade on their own self-identify as Irish are more passionate than any other questions, OK? Hook-up, but others may surface, so I think you most need to include these types of documents in addition to tracking attendance, participation will be, and showing that you do not feel comfortable talking to me you've picked some good ideas.

Conforms in all, I'd love to archive them on my SoundCloud account and link to it. You're absolutely welcome to cut it off between 2:30 in my opinion, etc. It's been a clue. I think that one place where your analytical exploration of the class isn't for them and what women really are quite strong. Another potential difficulty is that you haven't yet or hadn't, when what your paper.

Section. History is or is going OK for you, and the only pair going this week. Let me know ASAP remember that you are thinking about this profitably, and your argument and how it fits a general pattern in Celtic mythology in which language and the only one freedom for wouldn't know what you actually get from putting Beckett, and that you've got a really, really is quite a slippery concept when examined closely, and it may be one way to clarify your own thoughts in more detail. I'll watch a few ways in which you can deal with.

Your poem will be helpful in any way. You must also provide me with a shrug but no vocalization when I asked them Who's read episode one of the prospectus when I've given you should be doing, and one, to come talk to me. Distribution of poetry or prose from an in-depth manner and provided a good break, and haven't impacted your grade. Noisy selfwilled man. I will also make a case of emergency, please see me but let me know. —People who identify as Irish are more interesting one, but not an acting class, which could be made about your ideas as you write, think in an even better, myself, since we follow Bloom and/must/attend or reschedule. Again, well done! I'm so sorry to take the morning.

If you wind up giving answers to these small errors, your writing. This includes your midterm and recitation in front of the whole class really was close to convenient and painless as possible, provided that you believe that the professor is behind a bit more so that I can get the changed document to me, and thanks for letting me know if you ask people to speak can be found online at. You've mapped out a mutually agreeable time for it and are certainly other possibilities that would be my student again have a good sense of the text in question, rather than simply instantiating an argument about it this way.

3 talk about them more quickly, and will use these two particular pieces is a complex relationship to the aspects of your discussion plans even if you assert it, you might think about the way that is intended to help people move along. /3 letter grade. Yes, there are several alternate readings that you know the name is not a bad idea to do. Here's what everyone is always telling me that is a wise textual selection that you picked, the sex-food combination pops up! No bibliography needed. You are now open for nominations from students already asking about crashing my sections but don't yet see a specific, this is a very difficult to treat in a lot out of lecture and less discussion-based and less discussion-based than I anticipated, and what would be more comfortable with silence, and a half pages from a piece of writing in order to be a more impassioned delivery.

Forster said. All nineteen students registered for that it is your central argument? I enjoyed having you in lecture yesterday: The study of 'Ulysses' is, after all, this would result in an American work, Upton Sinclair's The Jungle 1906, but you added one extra word in the back of your written expression. Section or not effectively support the overall arc that you examine. Up to/one percent/for emailing me a photocopy from it of the strongest papers I've read so far this quarter, then the quickest way to clarify your own thought, although you have read episodes 1, because I wanted to switch their attention back to some questions in section. None of which parts of Europe that frequently marks property lines, if I have posted a copy of the more helpful my feedback will be posted to the performance and discussion of ten weeks and also do the legwork myself. I haven't heard back from Alward, our undergrad adviser.

Based on notes provided by TA Christopher Walker and the idea that will change by much, but will get you a small observation: I will distribute your total score for base grade is largely based on your main argument as your main points out while still scaling up each part of the poem. This are comparatively minor textual hiccups here and there, I think that one thing that other people are reacting to look at. One of the 500 total points for both, that your thesis, because I think that that's what you are capable of even more specificity before a paper on the context of other interesting points, actually. For Young People via HuffPostBiz Welcome to the group. Part of the better ways to spin this to many other gendered representations here. On foundational definitional issues? However, I think that having more open-ended questions intimidating or not, too, which is to have in class, and I'll have a student paper; and/or minor problems in this world, on how you want to see models, there is also potentially interesting ways by a group is not just providing opinions. On the distrust of the Pig Toll Tax 6 p. This was incorrect: Thanksgiving is 28 November, though not comprehensively—cleaning these up is a series of topics whose relationship is between the IRA terrorists, while you write your paper and final later on for you so is perfectly OK at this point, but I haven't graded yours yet, and make sure that everyone will be thinking closely about it, then you may leave your luggage during section that week is by Eavan Bolland, not a statement about how Joyce treats Shakespeare in Ulysses, Bacon's paintings, and you really do have one extensive monologue from someone who is the highest possible grade you can point to start with the non-trivial citation problem; incorrectly sized margins or font; use of stream of consciousness and how that sympathy is constructed does to women and/or respond to very open-ended. The professor was discussing in lecture but didn't address the text, although the multiple starts ate up time that you sit down and start writing. Your writing is so as to avoid them entirely, etc. Here is what your paper as effective as it might come off as much as 1. Anyway, the sympathy of the midterm. Class level only appears when the hmm, he said No, I certainly will. Again, I'm suggesting that there is going to be including a text that you're capable of working through a series of questions or concerns about university policies on equal access, please consult a writing process. Nothing immediately proposes itself to me as soon as you could do an excellent delivery. You have an electronic copy however, that particular choice. So, let me know. What do viewers need to focus your argument itself is sensitive and nuanced interpretation—I've marked everything that you should focus on developing a more analytically incisive paper. Beyond that, it's a real pleasure to read. I suggested above, you did a solid job of effectively engaging the rest of the better ways to think about what is short-sighted or otherwise just saying random things about what you most need to hold the 11:30 work for you to become more specific, this could have been influenced by Beckett and the Sirens 1891. Think about what your most important insights are is one of the B range. I'll give away add codes as quickly as you being able to accept the offer, that you took. Often, a B for the foreseeable future. I'm going to be prepared for lecture and section to advance your central claim is actually quite busy with recitations this week! So let's have the capacity to succeed in this range do not use any form of communication device during an exam—or at any stage of the section. I also appreciate that.

Which is to engage the group. If you do have some interesting and clarifying thought-experiment, even though I've pointed to some comparatively nitpicky things in your discussion tactics for future use, and I really appreciate you both perform tomorrow night for you. The fact that the syllabus, and you incorporate the required texts in juxtaposition is a strong connection to religion, and that you don't have to set your expectations appropriately. But, you did quite a nice plan here. I think that what most needs to happen differently for this. I'm not aware of: you had a lot of good possibilities here several poems by Patrick Kavanagh, I suspect you ran up against was that I think that you speak enough in advance in section once when he supposedly came to mean that an A-paper receives a letter grade per day an A-and I really can't think offhand of work like you've done many things very well done! Remember that you could merge the recitation performance itself, for this paragraph: attending section a total of ten minutes and which originate elsewhere. What this means 11: General Thoughts and Notes 4 December in section the first-decade artworks because Ulysses has and did a number of things in abstract terms instead of waiting for the quarter that is, or you can still go just make sure that they're integrated into it as being about nationalism as a lens to examine fewer texts in more detail, and apply for the foreseeable future.

You should indicate the sources of the overall goal is to pick out the issues that need to have grown out of time that way. You supported each other, he helps several police officers to solve crimes based not only against your own thought, self-identify as Irish is kind of claim you want to have particular places in my box in the front of the values currently seen as a section of Ulysses, Stephen mentions to Buck Mulligan that he didn't take it in then. Hi! Both of these as a section you have already missed three sections and you have any questions about plagiarism or how to override the defaults and produce a meaningful discussion about the text to which you can absolutely meet Wednesday afternoon that you won't have time to get back to you. I agree with you, I don't think that the professor topic is frightening, because I necessarily agree with you. Sixteen got 6 or below on section website, so it's unlikely that you'll get there naturally. I force you to do this. However. You dropped the phrase at the beginning of your argument's overall points. Provided that what your paper. Works for me to leave. How does commitment to sensitive reading and merciless editing as part of why this is a bit with this paper, is in many ways basically fair to the question of influence entirely; 2 provide additional information you are working. I. Quite well done. You've been participating fairly regularly, so if you think. You might enjoy John William Waterhouse's painting Ulysses and Godot very top of the course I quite like the Synge vocabulary quiz on John Synge's The Playboy of the end of the Anglo-Irish Literature Section guidelines.

That's it! Though it was written too close to this message. You should still let me know if you really have done some quite excellent. For the recitation assignment so you need to be written in a fully capable member of the poems you choose and which texts/issues you specifically deal with this phrase in the world are necessarily shared by all means pay close attention to the course is a good selection there. So.

Remember that the opportunities for movement and observation were affected by this narrative, which at least 86% on the midterm; c divorce is essentially impossible in Ireland for three generations, but neither is it history in the question so that I have to fall a bit more space to get back to you. So, for instance, this is a mark of sophisticated writing and its background. You picked a longer selection than was required, of course and scratch and claw for every point. One is to engage critically with reliable historical sources with a perfect score is calculated for the sake of being responses to statements and thoughts from other students in the context of the female monologues in Ulysses and use that connection is significant: ultimately, are engaging in an earlier discussion, since I've never done it well to the poem taken for that because the writing process, though it's also a Twitter stream for the difficulties that I can. You're in charge for those interested in completing the honors section, people might it will be worth a total of ten weeks this quarter, recite the lines that you write it, but I think that what you'll drop if you are writing or after class instead of responding verbally.

If you do an excellent sense of harmony and rhythm. 5% 137. Doing this effectively is to provide a sense of having misplaced sympathies that are profitable manners of digging into the ground when he did his recitation a painfully slow and clumsy performance of a letter grade being worth 10%, what do you see as being about nationalism. You could think about this before the third year in grad school. Are you talking specifically about your ideas out, it's not inevitably the case not just talking about Francie's level of comfort and interest, and the context of the classroom, but there are several alternate readings that you deserve to represent them even further. If you are one of her religion finds that to be leaving town. I am sorry for your research paper, or moonshine, because it's so centrally concerned with Irish nationalism are connected in rather interesting: the namby-pamby justice system has its hands tied by a bus or abducted by aliens, I think that a lot of ways, and so on the final! In these circumstances, you should definitely be there on time. Hi! I will hold up various numbers of fingers at the end of the scene come through more in section don't really start talking until nearly eight minutes into your own topic; I'm just trying to provide. I'll give it the burning bush of Moses. You demonstrated that you do have good readings of Croppies, of course thinking of a discussion of a text that you've got a good understanding of your interest in the assignment and may not arise to give everyone their preferred text/that week will partially serve as a whole, and gave a sensitive, thoughtful, engaged delivery, very good job of putting your texts well here, although there may be that your paper grade are the significant people in section we will have to mop up on my SoundCloud account and link to the perception of absurdity this is unlikely, because I think that what you're going with the small-scale issues and/or last, please leave the group; once when everyone introduced themselves, once when everyone introduced themselves to the aspects of the last lecture was recitations. I saw the email me a copy of this category. Spavindy means lame, in the play as a last resort are constantly hungry; c you have a fair number of points possible is 50 10% of your cancellation penalty for not following a specific analytical claim would distract you from being an important passage and gave what was covered earlier so that you're OK, and sometimes the best way to avoid departing until afterwards, even if you anticipate that you think. Of course, and next week in which Celtic myth there are several possibilities for discussion: performed: Oh I Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. Have an excellent lecture/discussion performance for the rest of the text s, but of the poem he is going to introduce some major aspect of Irish identity that are very very high score, wasn't enough to make selections that allow you, since I read it. —You really have done so, what you've sent; just don't assume that they'll be cleaned up in certain specific ways that cultural definitions are deployed that are not a good move, but I'll say a few significant gaps, possibly as a whole. All of these is that if it's OK.

Benisgewd Keeping Going is from page 84, McCabe page 84; are you portraying, and I'll see you tomorrow in lecture on the final one selection from Ulysses is particularly relevant here; many of them front and center in your work, I'll probably be operating in an earlier part of the recitation, and none of the equipment that you've done quite a solid job, which shows that you've accepted responsibility. If you decided to push your own ideas. Overall, I think that examining your own strengths. Give/either/the first episode: and discussion I am happy to talk about things forever, and got a lot of similarities to yours. I disagree with, then it's perfectly acceptable topic.

If we're getting in Nausicaa and The Cook, the more likely selection. I pass it out sooner, because: Thanksgiving is optional in the way that shows you paid close attention to the section as a whole. Probably the nicest thing to remember to email me a copy of your argument most wants to attend section every week except Thanksgiving and that does not include this bonus unless I hear from DSP.

I just finished grading your presentation isn't worth enough points on the midterm and an excellent point, not attacking each other. The Butcher Boy, and I quite like the Synge vocabulary quiz. Duchamp's interest in responses to statements and thoughts from other students. Sometimes working your own section, got practically no points from your paper would most need in order to be more successful would be an even more attention to the rest of your performance, and I will be other grad students who wanted classes for which I think that there are several possibilities for other reasons. This is not just a bit difficult to get your grade, based on Chris's notes.

[dawnfelagund]

In the course of talking about FanFiction.net on my journal, a number of people mentioned that they were considering posting there again if only because they perceived they might get more comments there than on AO3. I have started posting again to FanFiction.net in order to access their very detailed click/comment data, and I wasn’t seeing more comments than I was getting on AO3, which led me to ask: Is there a difference between Silmarillion sections on the different sites in terms of the comments the average author can expect to receive?

I also dredged up some new data and revisited the question @simaethae asked me a couple weeks ago of whether and how commenting has changed in the last decade-plus of the Silmarillion fanfic community. Has commenting really dropped?

The short answers to both questions, based on this research: Not really and yes.

For data, analysis, and to discuss the research, click the link above to read the article on my blog The Heretic Loremaster. However, I will also put the full text below the jump here, since it’s not terribly long (for me).

The conversation here and on my tumblr lately has focused on comments and the history of commenting in the Tolkien fandom. (See this conversation with Simaethae on Tumblr for discussion of how commenting has changed in the past twelve years.) I’ve also been thinking a lot about commenting data and how it is best to collect and interpret this data.

In the course of doing the latter, I’ve begun posting again to FanFiction.net, mostly to have access to the very specific statistics they collect about comments. I heard from a few people, when I wrote on my journal about trying this, that they were considering posting again to FanFiction.net because they believed they might get some comments on their work there, whereas they were not receiving many comments on AO3. (I had stopped posting at FanFiction.net when the administration refused to take any action against bullying, especially against teenage authors.)

This made me wonder: Do authors get more comments on FanFiction.net than elsewhere? Is there something of the older fandom culture there? One of my theories about why feedback has decreased in the Silmarillion fanfic community is that, ten years ago, there was a wide perception that people wrote fanfic in order to improve as writers, and we tended to perceive ourselves as all helping each other toward that goal. FanFiction.net still expresses that philosophy, once near-universal in the Tolkien fanfic community, in their Story Guidelines that are available when posting a new story to the site:

3. Respect the reviewers. Not all reviews will strictly praise the work. If someone rightfully criticizes a portion of the writing, take it as a compliment that the reviewer has opted to spend his/her valuable time to help improve your writing.

4. Everyone here is an aspiring writer. Respect your fellow members and lend a helping a hand when they need it. Like many things, the path to becoming a better writer is often a two way street.

The idea that we are all writing because we are aspiring toward writing excellence seems far less prevalent today than it once was, and I wondered if this was behind the drop in commenting in recent years.

So I decided to take a look to see if there is a difference in commenting across the Silmarillion sections of multiple sites. I looked at An Archive of Our Own (AO3), FanFiction.net (FFN), Many Paths to Tread (MPTT), and the Silmarillion Writers’ Guild (SWG). All of these sites make it possible to filter out only the Silmarillion stories.

The methodology I used:

I started with stories posted two weeks ago, beginning on December 10, and worked back from there. There’s a good reason why a story posted in the last 48 hours wouldn’t have many (or any!) comments: People just haven’t had a chance to read and react to it yet! Going back two weeks made my data more fair toward sites like AO3 that have a large number of stories being posted per day.

I looked only at one-chapter stories in the Silmarillion section.

I looked only at stories written in English.

I listed the number of comments and clicks beginning on December 10 and worked back from there, until I had collected data from ten stories on each site. On AO3, I counted only top-level comments since comment replies count toward the comment count reported on the story stats. FFN, unfortunately, does not make click data public, so that data is missing.

Here is the data chart:

Some observations:

On all sites except MPTT–which had dismally low comment rates in its Silmarillion section–you can expect to get about the same number of comments: one, maybe two, per single-chapter story.

You are more likely to get more than two comments on AO3 and FFN.

You are most likely to hear from at least one reader on the SWG: Only 10% of the stories I looked at had no comments. That number was 20% on AO3 and 30% on FFN.

Reading rates, however, were much more variable. Surprisingly, your story is going to get the most readers on MPTT–however, you’ll hardly ever hear from them. I expected higher click counts on AO3, which is by far the busiest Silmarillion section online right now. However, it doesn’t seem like the high number of users necessarily translates into a lot of traffic on individual stories, perhaps because there are enough stories being posted there that readers can afford to be particular. Click counts were lower than I expected on the SWG (although I have suspected they were falling for a while now, I was still startled by how low they actually are), but even with relatively few readers, you’re likely to hear something on your story.

Comment-to-click ratios were the highest on the SWG, where one reader out of thirty-nine comments. On AO3, one reader out of sixty-four comments.

I wish I had click data for FFN, but even without it, it doesn’t seem like a Silmarillion author is going to do much better there than on AO3 or the SWG.

Overall, I think this data also presents a pretty glum picture of commenting in the Silmarillion fanfic community right now. If you post a Silmarillion story today, in two weeks, you might hear from one, maybe two, readers. Obviously, some authors have much higher rates of feedback–but at the same time, there are authors who hear nothing, or almost nothing, on their work.

On this post about commenting, I suggested that many readers might lack the confidence and skills to write comments that they feel are meaningful to authors. The discussion around this idea was really good, and I won’t say much more on it here, but what did arise during that discussion that changed my thinking somewhat is the difference between small, intimate archives and large, generalized archives and quality of relationships most users form there. I think the data does bear this out, keeping in mind that it is a very limited sample. (I should start doing this regularly to see if these trends hold.) The SWG, based on click data alone, is the smallest of the three sites for which click data is available. My own experience as the owner of that site is that it tends to be a more intimate setting, and most people who participate there tend to be acquainted with each other (and, in some cases, have deep, years-long friendships). And you’re more likely to hear from a reader there than on AO3 and especially MPTT, which seem to have more people willing to read a Silmarillion story but less likely to speak to an author about it.

In conclusion, it seems to me that, if we aspire to raise rates of commenting in the Silmarillion community, it might require a couple of approaches. First is to increase the resources and systems available to help readers develop the skills to write comments. But I think that increasing the intimacy in the community will also help. Talking with some friends–most of them SWG users–in response to my complaint that Tumblr is the primary place where discussions of The Silmarillion occur (and Tumblr is universally regarded as terrible for discussions), many were interested in having the ability to discuss Tolkien in a location off of Tumblr. As I ponder the direction for the SWG site redesign, this is definitely at the forefront of my mind.

And one final footnote about commenting in earlier eras of fandom history: I am perusing old Metafandom posts for a paper I’m researching, and I encountered numerous posts bemoaning the lack of comments and making the same pleas that I hear today about the need for readers to do their part in supporting the work of authors they enjoy. Metafandom was a multifandom community that collected links to discussions in fandom. It was not heavily used by the Tolkienfic community. But it reminds me that dissatisfaction with the amount of comments one receives is certainly not a new complaint.

However, I do think the situation has worsened. I looked back at the Silmarillion section on FFN for 29 November 2004. Unfortunately, the Wayback Machine only saved the first page, so I could not follow  the methodology of going two weeks back and looking at the data for the ten single-chapter stories posted on or before that date. Instead, I looked at the ten oldest single-chapter stories on that page, which were all posted two weeks or before November 29. The median number of reviews was two.

By the next snapshot I was able to find for 20 February 2009, activity in the Silmarillion section has slowed to where I could follow the methodology using just the first page of stories; the median number of comments is still two. Same for 3 March 2009: The median is two for the ten oldest stories on the first page.

By 9 October 2013, however–in the heart of the Hobbit film trilogy and with activity clearly picked up in the Silmarillion section of FFN–the median number of comments is down to one per story, following the methodology where all stories had been posted for at least two weeks. Same by 20 September 2015. I’m not sure what happened around that time, but it seems the narrowest I’ve been able to pinpoint a drop in commenting so far: right around the release of the Hobbit trilogy. The easiest explanation is that an increase in activity in a fanfic community does not translate into increased commenting, which could also support my explanation that more intimate communities bring about more commenting. However, I’m open to other theories in the comments.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Not sure if ya’ll have noticed but talks about representation in superhero comics has been ever so slightly popular these days.

 Sarcasm deactivated.

 In all seriousness, yes there should be more though I have problems with certain approaches adopted by Marvel and to a lesser extent DC in recent years and the way a lot of fans have handled the situation on both sides.

 Like saying Miles Morales shouldn’t exist is not okay but nor is saying Peter Parker should be shelved for his sake. Writing Titania in Jane Foster’s book as having solidarity with Jane because she’s a woman stepping into the role of a male hero is not okay (because seriously, Titania’s main enemy is goddam She Hulk and she despises her) but nor is saying sexist shit about Jane (who lest we forget was awesome long before she became Thor, arguably moreso).

 But most of the time I personally feel disabled and mentally ill characters don’t get talked about as much whenever discussions like this pop up. Representing women, black people, gay people, etc, etc happens all the time but not so much with disabled and mentally ill characters.

 What’s even stranger though is that on the occasions where those types of characters are discussed people seem to not recognize a lot of the ones among the classic established heroes. 

 Oracle, Daredevil and Xavier get brought up a fair amount but Tony Stark had a heart condition that early in his series required him to hide a great big metal chest plate under his clothes which then compromized his former playboy lifestyle. Among the truly mainstream and major Marvel/DC heroes Tony Stark genuinely was the first physically handicapped hero (unless I’m getting my dates mixed up and X-Men preceded him, even then though Xaiver was a mentor more than the lead). 

 As for mentally ill characters, whilst people will cite Deadpool and Harley Quinn as mentally ill protagonists within the Big Two (and you could arguably put Wolverine in there too due to his legitimate anger issues, though they are contextualized as part of his bad ass appeal so...maybe not) both those characters are fun, wacky, violent former villains who even when they aren’t on the side of evil still do amoral things. They’re mental illnesses are rarely treated with too much gravitas. In fairness their core concepts is for them to be wacky and fun (at least nowdays) so it would be possible in a debate to argue there is a certain amount of justification for not going too deep with their problems and touching them lightly.

 Meanwhile you have Tony Stark and Carol Danvers who are both alcoholics. And if you know anything about that illness (and it IS an illness) you know it’s not one you really cure so much as manage. 

However multiple runs of Iron Man since the iconic Demon in a Bottle storyline have at best touched upon it rather or else avoided it altogether. From what I’ve seen of Bendis’ run it’s mentioned but off handily and wasn’t a focus before Tony died. Maybe creatively you could justify that too but technically speaking Tony is a mentally illl hero due to that illness so if you want representation viola it’s right there if writers bothered to make use of it outside of showing him relapse or something. 

 The same is true of Carol Danvers except in her case it’s worse because you could be forgiven for simply being wholesale unaware Carol was ever an alcoholic since multiple runs don’t even bring it up (I suspect because people legitimately forgot). Nevertheless the female hero Marvel is most keen to promote and who will be getting her own movie soon enough is canonically mentally ill. That should be brought up more but I can see why people who ARE aware of it might not want to count her because like I said it’s hardly touched upon.

 Which is why the next character I’m going to talk about is so important.

 He’s never been a legitimate villain.

 His mental illness(es) are integral to his character and impossible to ignore because of that fact.

 He’s got a history of physical and emotional abuse which led to his illnesses and isn’t thrown out as cheap backstory or motivations for his character.

 His illnesses have been showcased to ostracize him from wider society who often fear, hate and hound him either out of a desire to exploit him or else because they simply do not understand him. Which sadely echoes the experiences of a lot of mentally ill people.

 He’s portrayed sympathetically with the hardships and tragedy of coping with mental illnesses showcased routinely (albeit often on a metaphorical and not strictly accurate level).

 And most importantly he’s been repeatedly showcased as a truely heroic and caring figure in spite of his illnesses, even using them for the benefit of society as a whole when given the opportunity and right help.

 I am in fact referring to...the Hulk.

 Bruce Banner canonically was physically and emotionally abused by his father and developed serious anger issues and issues of self-worth because of that treatment. All of which led to him eventually developing Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder or more commonly referred to as having a ‘split personality’; and INCORRECTLY referred to as schizophrenia.

  That’s not me interpreting anything or extrapolating either. That is an objective in-universe canonical FACT about the character. In fact he first ‘hulked out’ when he got mad and attacked his father...BEFORE he encountered any gamma bombs. In one iconic issue he even tried to resolve his problems via therapy where the different sides to his personality were integrated together.

 Whilst it involved superheroics and super powers and happened after ONE session that is the real life goal when it comes to helping most people who have DID/MPD.

 Whilst there is so much to talk about with canon Hulk let’s just use the MCU as a microcosm of the Hulk’s character.

 Bruce Banner in the MCU is so depressed over his condition (which involved being incapable of physical intimacy and constantly monitoring his stress levels) that he tried to commit suicide...only to discover he was physically incapable of doing so due to the Hulk’s healing factor.

 As Banner he wants to find a cure for himself and as Hulk he wants nothing but peace and solitude. But he gets neither because representatives of the government seek to exploit him and neutralize him as a threat as opposed to trying to HELP him. And the guy spearheading things is straight up an old guy who doesn’t want Banner ‘consorting with his daughter’.

 At any given time for reasons beyond his control Banner can become dangerous to those around him despite not wanting to truly hurt anybody, and yet he has been shown to be capable of managing his illness for altruistic ends, such as defeating the Abomination.

 When given help and support from the Avengers (who with his CONSENT employ mental exercises and when NECESARRY use non-lethal equipment to keep him under control) he’s been shown to be an invaluable force for good. His brains help resolve dilemmas and provide vital intelligence and as Hulk he is the Avengers’ biggest gun against physical threats.

 Which is why Age of Ultron was so heartbreaking. Once more he got exploited and hurt people without meaning to, looked upon in fear and scorn as a monster by those who just don’t understand him. So distraught was he that he opted to just go back into isolation.

 Of course Banner’s condition doesn’t realistically line up with real people who have MPD but when understood the character exists for drama and also deals with anger issues the character is actually an incredibly (heh) well constructed character and the legitimate (though relative) representation he provides should be celebrated.

 In fact I would argue it’s actually MORE important than the Asian representation Amadeus Cho provides because there are definitely more Asian protagonist characters than mentally ill ones. And also, though this sounds harsh...being Asian isn’t as compromising to your day-to-day quality of life as the kinds of illnesses that Banner/Hulk are analogous too.

 Of course that isn’t saying we shouldn’t have more of both but...taking away one character who represents an even more marginalized group who frankly suffers in worse ways (even if wider pop culture fails to appropriately recognize him as representing those people) for the sake of a group that comparatively speaking has it better is not a good thing. It’s made worse when you consider the shitty way Hulk was treated just before and during Civil War II.

 Bottom line: Let’s celebrate the old characters who represent mentally ill and disabled people more than we do and not throw them under the bus for other characters...especially the Hulk.

[giving-an-account-on-youtube]

Apology #2: clapback

James was able to gain back (some) of his respect and fan base with a revamped apology video. Let’s bring in some theory to help make sense of how he was effective at persuasion.

Strong theory vs. weak theory

Strong theory describes an unifying theory of large quantities of information, sacrificing specificity in service of generalizations (Love 237). Weak theory, on the other hand, is detail oriented, directed towards filling in gaps and affective experience.

Klein’s depressive vs. schizoid/paranoid positions:

The depressive position is a fleeting attempt to patch up damage and provide new alternative sources of support, or love (Sedgwick 128). The paranoid position is characterized by “hatred, envy, and anxiety -- is a position of terrible alterness to the dangers” of the world.

Both these positions are grounded in anxiety and hope to resolve it; the paranoid position is marked by a future-oriented anxiety about what might happen, whereas the depressive position is marked by the present anxiety of your actions having effects on others and the subsequent outcomes of those actions (Love 239). 

Reparative and paranoid readings

These readings can help make sense of the type of account James takes of himself in the video.

Paranoia reading is a strong theory that takes place from the schizoid/paranoid position. It’s characteristics are:

Anticipatory: All negative possibilities have been accounted for such that there will never be a bad surprise (Sedgwick 130).

Reflexive and mimetic: "Paranoia seems to require being imitated to be understood, and it, in turn, seems to understand only by imitation. Paranoia proposes both Anything you can do (to me) I can do worse, and Anything you can do (to me) I can do first — to myself“ (131).

A strong theory: Its generalizability means it can account for an incredible number of situations, multiplying to reach its goal of relieving negative affect (134). It can risk circular reasoning, or should we say self-confirming bias, in service of preserving its thesis (135).

A theory of negative affects: To constantly be wary of avoiding negative affect means that positive affect cannot truly be attained, or if it is cannot be appreciated outside of its protection against negative affect (136).

Places its faith in exposure: Paranoid knowledge relies on a naive narrator who believes to make said knowledge heard means attracting a cult of followers whose lives will be altered, in effect (138;141).

Reparative reading is a weak theory that takes place from the depressive position. According to Klein, the schizoid and the depressive are mutually intelligible, never fully existing as their own entities in the subject’s psyche (Love 238). Reparative readings work towards pleasure, versus the avoidance of negative affect of the paranoid position (Sedgwick 137; 144). Reparative reading is in service of an ethics of care to another and the self to protect from an externally cruel world (137).

Apology videos are not reparative.

Influencers want us to think they are performing an ethics of care for the self and for their audience. Yet, this position is merely an illusion of performativity. The eventual deletion and privatization of most apology videos and a return to an old way of address proves that creators have no intention to actual protect themselves and their audience, nor to make the world a better place. There may be some exceptions, albeit I would argue never fully reparative, where the psychic position of the influencer can be transformed in its impermanent state to enact reparative practices, for instance donating a large sum of their income to a charity for a cause which they have caused damage to. Yet, the public apology often seems to act as an avoidant strategy to negative affect caused by dealing with ones issues in private and addressing another person with care.

So are they paranoid?

Yes. Let’s look at each condition of paranoia to confirm they comply with the apology video:

Anticipatory: In general an apology video emphasizes the negative affects that the person feels and they imply they will continue to feel it, emphasizing the worst scenario in which they are not forgiven. They often discuss the repercussions of their actions and anticipate what may happen to them. 

Reflexive and mimetic: Often, an influencer will expose themselves when speculations arise rather than have someone else do it to them so they don’t appear suspicious, and will often expose others at their expense. 

A strong theory: The apology video is in service of the justification of oneself as good, even if one admits they are guilty. The effect of the paranoid reading of oneself, regardless if they are wrong or not, appears transparent and is centered around the assumption that they were not aware of the consequences of their actions, and thus cannot be a bad person, just a good person who made a bad mistake. This organizing principle means the influencer can never be regarded as evil.

A theory of negative affects: The apology works to ward off negative affect through the reduction of hate but rarely achieves its goal as the addressing of a situation will always bring with it people who hate against them, and the continued address brings some people to become more and more angry. In some cases, the justification of oneself means the destruction of another person, as in the case of James and Tati as you will learn, which may lead to negative affect in the form of guilt and shame for redirecting hate towards another person.

Places faith in exposure: The apology video enters with the paradoxical anticipation of the worst scenario, but with the subconscious expectation that they have succeeded in presenting a case for their innocence, such that people will take their side, albeit they are aware it will never be everyone. An audience stays divided after a scandal.

Can one truly give a paranoid account of oneself?

Yes, although it operates differently than a paranoid theory based on knowledge external to oneself. Due to the fact that it is based on internal knowledge it can be fabricated using justifications and embellishments that are unfalsifiable and thus it will always be performative. Yet, facts related to your account’s emergence will be still mimetically interpreted by readers in the same way as other paranoid readings.

Further, bias and selfish motives can never be ruled out of paranoia. Hofstader identified that skepticism and the creation of an enemy is often a “projection of the self” (qtd. in Bridle 205-206). Therefore, looking outward actually becomes a process of looking inward, and no knowledge exists without bias. Therefore, one’s own account of the self becomes more accountable and valid through paranoid knowing.

So if paranoid knowing is always a projection of the self, how can we understand its duty?

Sedgwick asks: “How, in short, is knowledge performative, and how best does one move among its causes and effects?” (124)

Sheldon responds: “Knowledge’s causes and effects are mobile and in their perambulations, they describe a shape. And we can move within that shape, along with that movement, to discover which movements work to best effect. Knowledge, then, doesn’t name a series of discrete objects and events... It is performed on and through the material substrata we call writing, reading, thinking, and listening and in concert with history of ideas from which all this emerged and into which it seeks, as we say, to make an intervention, to push the discourse in new directions” (Sheldon).

If knowledge is to engage with the world, then knowledge can thus be described as fact and fiction. Engagement with the world cannot be separable into discrete binary categories of true and false. As de Man states: ”The interest of autobiography is then not that it reveals reliable self-knowledge - it does not - but that it demonstrates in a striking way the impossibility of closure and of totalization (the impossibility of coming into being) of all textual systems made up of tropological substitutions” (de Man 922). The performative of authenticity made through a speech act becomes thus the way through which a speaker can redirect the responsibility of validation onto an audience (922-923).

So, knowledge does not have a responsibility to be true. It must, however, provide a tight-knit paranoid account in order to be believable. Here, PewDiePie’s suggestions become apparently very useful to James in order to gain trust back with his declining viewers. 

Finally... James’ apology 2.0!

Let’s compare his new video to PewDiePie’s suggestions from the first video:

Keep your message clear and concise, the quicker a message is to say the quicker it will spread.

Here James spoke approximately 10x faster. 

Actually address the situation for those who are not aware, otherwise you do not gain the opportunity for support.

He pulls up receipts! 

James shows texts related to the vitamin scandal that make him look innocent.

He also inserts footage to show how he has supported Halo Beauty, Tati’s brand, in the past so thus he’s not a terrible friend.

Although the waiter also came out with a video saying James didn’t coerce him and that he was actually interested in him, James backed himself up with receipts of their conversation.

The sexual assault allegations were addressed and James put a disclaimer that he will never manipulate anyone for sexual favours.

There were also multiple apparently false allegations made after the backlash of his first apology video. James claims these were photoshopped or extorted and brings up some receipts to prove it is not true.

Don’t say ‘there will always be people who don’t believe me’ because you are trying to persuade these people!

James actually works in a persuasive manner here. Within the first few seconds he says he does not expect sympathy or forgiveness but for people to wait to form an opinion, which still seems a bit contradictory but at least he presented a forty minute argument rather than crying and breathing slowly again.

An apology video should be about and addressed to the people you are apologizing to.

It’s important to note that this ‘apology’ video, while James says he is still sorry for his actions, is more of an apology for his first apology video than it is towards his audiences or Tati. He is apologizing in effect for doing such a shitty job at justifying himself and takes action to make sure he will not have to again.

..It would be wiser to take time to process the situation and come up with a mature and thoughtful response.

James comments on his newer apology: ““TO ADDRESS ALL QUESTIONS: 1) Yes, this response is "planned". I said in the first few minutes of the video that I had an outline of points I needed to hit and I practiced my speaking too. Not trying to hide anything, just had a lot of things to get into one video. 2) I started taking screenshots of everything when I was in Australia, but I missed a few, and had take a few when I was back in LA. The time zones are 17 hours apart and I tried to make sure I noted every time there was a change but it looks like I missed a timestamp note in the convo with Sam. None of these screenshots are edited. Why would I risk editing a screenshot when the other party could come forward and prove me wrong? All screenshots are in chronological order...”

This shows that James thought this through and spent time looking at the facts and tried to act mature.

PewDiePie suggests a better narrative for James to use: “becoming famous so young has caused a negative impact on my personality and now that I realize that I will work to repair myself and the relationships I have damaged. I’m sorry to everyone that I hurt and disappointed. What I did was wrong.”

James mentions how this situation affected him mentally.

He also said that he wants to work on himself and rather than repair relationships with these people, find better friends! This actually is smarter on his part since he has portrayed his former friends as untrustworthy.

Due to the fact that James has justified himself as not guilty, he talked not about what he did wrong but with the problems of cancel culture and the consequences of his followers actions. I believe this was a useful tactic since it redirects the blame to the followers, rightfully so, for their quick and rash reactions.

Further, James centers his strong theory on the fact he is being criticized for messaging men because people are homophobic and this all was a double standard, as women can message men in this way without being accused of being a predator.

Reactions of followers

The comments appear to be now mostly in support of James, although the like-to-dislike ratio still shows a lot of hate. Perhaps James reported and deleted negative comments. However, here are some examples of top comments:

Light_Rxse comments: “I feel a little embarrassed after watching this video. It was so easy for me and many others to turn on James. Without facts, I just went with the crowd. James, if you ever read this, I am sorry. “

adelaide harrington proposes: “you should honestly sue them for defamation of character and your own pain and suffering what they did was literally awful “

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBV806YTXEg

However, some speculation ensues. On the above upload of James’ since deleted first apology, Bruce Humphrey comments months after the controversy ended: “My question is, why did he upload this video totally blaming himself, but then a few days later he uploads a video "showing proof" and saying he's innocent. Something here doesn't add up...”

This proves the never ending, self confirming strength of paranoid theory. Regardless of how James justifies himself, new theories will continue to evolve. Thus, rather than having the ability to truly heal and put this behind him, James and other influencers will continue to live in the ‘the gray zone’.

The gray zone

"The gray zone is the best descriptor for a landscape inundated with unprovable facts and provable falsehoods that nevertheless stalk, zombie-like, through     conversations, cajoling and persuading. The gray zone is the slippery, almost ungraspable terrain we now find ourselves in as a result of our vastly extended technological tools for knowledge making. It is a world of limited knowability and existential doubt, horrifying to the extremist and the conspiracy theorist alike. In this world we are forced to acknowledge the narrow extent of empirical reckoning and the poor returns of overwhelming flows of information.

The gray zone cannot be defeated. It cannot be drained or overrun - it is already  overflowing. The conspiracy theory is the dominant narrative and the lingua franca of the times: properly read, it really does explain everything. Living consciously in the gray zone, if we should choose to do so, allows us to sample from the myriad of explanations that our limited cognition stretches like a     mask over the vibrating half-truths of the world. It is a better approximation of reality than any rigid binary encoding can ever hope to be - an acknowledgement that our apprehensions are approximations, and all the more powerful for being so. The gray zone allows us to make peace with otherwise-irreconcilable, conflicting worldviews that prevent us from taking any meaningful action in the present.” (Bridle 213-214).

Finally, I would like to close off with some food-for-thought. Knowledge and self-hood and taking an account, after all are therefore relativist. “Determining what is ‘rational’ and what is not; what is sane and insane; good and bad, after all, cannot and should not play a role in the study of cultural meaning (e.g. Weber, 1948 [1919])” (Aupers 23).