#yeri was originally gonna be my cast for her

[cyberfunsupporter]

i am aubrey’s biggest fan i truly don’t think anybody gets her the way i do that’s my GIRL 💔

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 4

Image taken from here. Originally had this image in mind but Tumblr won’t let me upload it. 

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, fluff, angst, maybe humor???? Warnings: Strong language Word Count: 4.3k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | You are on Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: Happy Easter to all who celebrate it!

It’s funny how quickly people form habits without really meaning to. You don’t realize you have a new favorite word till someone points out you’ve been using it so much. You don’t realize you’re addicted to caffeine till you get headaches from withdrawals. You don’t realize you can’t live without dessert till the sugar crash hits. And in the same way, Renjun didn’t realize he had gotten used to your company till he’s waiting outside your lecture hall with an almost expectant inclination to see you. 

A lot of it had to do with who you were as a person. You had pretty much infiltrated Renjun’s life, even though he still kept you at an arm’s distance. One day, he had walked into the library and found you with Jaemin, while the two of you had your heads together over a laptop and a huge gift basket in the making on the table. Jaemin wasn’t the kind of person who invited a lot of new people into his life; so he must have really trusted you because it wasn’t the last time Renjun saw the two of you together. 

But worse than Jaemin was Donghyuck. Renjun was pretty sure that since you’d asked him out, you had probably hung out more with Donghyuck than with him. Almost as if seeing Renjun was just an excuse for you to hang out with him, as you had often joked. It was as if the two of you were kindred spirits, long lost best friends who had finally found one another. Donghyuck would invite you everywhere, get up to no good with you in tow; and before Renjun knew it, the two of you were even planning parties together. Neither Donghyuck nor you needed Renjun as an excuse to hang out with one another anymore, and it amused him. A part of him wondered if Donghyuck was playing along to help his bigger cause. But his friend always looked so genuinely happy around you that any ulterior motive he might have seemed to have been forgotten. 

“Why can’t the sun always be like this?” you said as you laid on the grass using your backpack as a pillow. Your hand was reaching out over your face, your fingers wiggling as you played with shadows.

While you soaked in the sun, Renjun chose to sit under the shade of a tree, sketching away in his book, completing his assignment before his next class.

“You wouldn’t appreciate it as much if it were always like this.” Renjun replies, not looking away from his work. He much preferred paint over charcoal, but he had to admit that the scratching sounds it made against the grains of paper--coupled with the chirping of birds and gentle ruffling of leaves around him--was really relaxing. As was your company.

“Hmm. But it’s still nice to see it without fine dust couture. I like seeing it fully in the nude.” you say, a soft, funny smile on your face while your eyelashes cast shadows on your cheeks.

“Pervert.” Renjun accuses, smiling as he drew. It just makes you laugh and lay sideways to face him. You prop up your head on your hand.

“I’m the sun, Huang Renjun. Now draw me like one of your French girls.” you say in a comical voice and Renjun actually laughs without reservation. 

“Do you have any more classes?” he asks, fixing his black and gold rimmed glasses over his nose.

“Nope. I’m done for the day. Yeri’s supposed to pick me up, so I’m just waiting for her call.” you say, rolling onto your back once more, resuming your dance with the shadows.

Renjun hums a reply as he sketches, but really, he’s thinking that he hadn’t formally met Yeri. At least not yet. He had just had two very awkward run-ins with her the couple of times he had been to your apartment. Come to think of it, he hadn’t been to your place since that last time. And you had never been to his place at all. 

It wasn’t on accident, though. All of it had been by Renjun’s really convoluted design. He had met a few of your friends on campus in the passing, sure. But you were more a part of his life that he was yours. That is exactly what Renjun had planned. Lately, however, that plan seemed to be fading away into the ether. Slowly but surely dispersing from memory till it was more or less abandoned. 

Because Renjun did not realize that he had adopted you like a habit. Any time he saw a witty meme, he had to send it your way because you would text back with an equally witty reply that scratched Renjun’s intellectual itch. Any time Jisung would bring home a baguette, he would take a picture for you with a caption like ‘Francophile life going strong’. The two of you had even developed a silly game where you would look at different marketing taglines and wonder if it would still work to sell condoms. 

‘Nike. Just do it.’ Renjun had once texted.

‘That is a low hanging fruit, Huang Renjun.’ you had replied.

‘Okay, true. But how about Imax: Thing big.’ he had texted back.

‘Hmm, almost but not quite. I need something stronger.’

‘BMW: Designed for driving pleasure.’ he had actually found himself scrolling through a long list of taglines while his assignment laid forgotten.

‘Oof. Now you’ve found the sweet spot. Keep going.’ Renjun had smiled at your reply and had found himself hurriedly looking for something better.

‘Geico: So easy, a caveman could do it.’ 

‘Mmm, didn’t think you were a kinky boy, Huang Renjun. Go on…”

Renjun had actually laughed out loud, making Jisung look up at him quizzically and replied ‘1010 Wins: you give us 22 minutes, we’ll give you the world.’

‘Yessss! Right there, right there!’

Renjun hadn’t even realized he was grinning wide and standing up from his desk, a list of taglines open both on his laptop and his phone while he scrolled to find the perfect response that would make you happy. ‘Rice Krispies: Snap! Crackle! Pop!’

‘So close, so close, I am almost there!’

‘Washington Post: Democracy dies in darkness.’

‘THAT’S IT, THAT DID IT, THAT HIT THE SPOT!’

Renjun had actually belly laughed at the entire conversation. He didn’t remember the last time he had laughed this way because even Jisung was looking at him with an amused smile, asking “What’s so funny?”

So yes, Renjun had adopted you like a habit. But it wasn’t just through text. When you weren’t the one waiting for him on campus with a couple of cups of coffee in hand, he found he would go looking for you. You would spend all your free time together, just like this. He would find himself missing you on days he didn’t get to see you. He found himself disappointed when you didn’t have time for him because you and Donghyuck were on a very important mission or you had to meet your friends or you had extra work that was demanding your attention. You had just inserted yourself in his life in such a manner that Renjun didn’t even notice.

Perhaps you had nothing to do with it, but Renjun’s life had been treating him pretty well, too. Maybe he was more inspired these days, because his work was getting better and his professors were noticing. His painting instructor had held him back after class one day and offered him an internship at his studio. While it wasn’t huge, it was enough that Renjun had thrown his fist in the air in celebration as soon as he had left class. And you were the first person he texted and he was glad he did because you had texted back a freakout that made him grin like an idiot. You had come to see him as soon as your own class had ended and you had flung yourself in his arms and had jumped around excitedly before dragging him along so you could buy him an artist’s apron as a present. 

“Do you have any more classes?” you ask him as you stare at the evening sun through your fingers.

Renjun’s about to reply when he is interrupted by the sound of your phone buzzing in your pocket. You fish it out and sit up, telling Renjun “Hold on…” before answering it. “Are you here, Yeri?” 

Renjun goes back to scratching away in his pad, thinking. Maybe he should introduce himself now when Yeri comes to pick you. But what would he say? ‘Hi, I’m Y/N’s friend?’ Everyone on campus knew that the two of you weren’t exactly just friends. It was thanks to your stunt during that one online class, where he’d met you. ‘Hi, I’m Y/N’s boyfriend?’ But he wasn’t that, either. While the two of you had become pretty comfortable in each other’s company, you hadn’t really done anything, or had any serious talk about what you were. You two always found yourself tiptoeing “the line”. Actually, no. It was Renjun that tiptoed that line. After his two failed attempts to kiss you, the conversation had just not taken that turn ever again. You two hadn’t leveled up on the PDA front, either. Sure, you had cuddled into him in the back of the cab that one night, and he had half-carried you to your apartment till Yeri took you from the doorstep. But you didn’t seem to remember any of it, so it was basically back to square one. Sure, you had hugged him in joy when he had gotten the internship, but did it really count when the two of you hadn’t even held hands yet? Aside from the innuendo-filled condom tagline talk, the two of you hadn’t really done anything that would constitute as… something a couple might do.

“Okay, but how long would it take?” you’re saying into the phone, a gentle crease growing between your eyebrows. Whatever you heard back must have been distasteful because you grimace. “Okayyyy, Yeri, I’m hanging up now!” you say pointedly and groan, laying back into the grass.

Renjun chuckles “All good?”

“Yeri has brought home a ‘distraction’.” you say, making air quotes, and a face like you’ve tasted something sour. “I’m banished from my own home for the evening.”

Renjun looks up. 

He thinks about his next words carefully. “Um… what are you gonna do?”

You groan once more and say “I’m probably going to crash at Lia’s till my exile is over. So inconvenient!”

“You could come over to mine.”

Renjun didn’t know how it happened, how he found the courage to think it and then actually say it out loud, but now there’s no going back because the two of you are walking down the hallway to his place. He doesn’t know why, but his throat is a little dry and he peeks over his shoulder to see that you seem a bit nervous as well. He takes a deep breath and decides to break the tension.

“Here we are.” He says as he punches in the code. He holds the door open “Hello, MTV. Welcome to my crib.”

It works because it makes you smile. “So, this is where the magic happens.”

“Mhmm, but I hope to God my roommates have at least attempted to clean it up some, because I did text them a head’s up.”

“Lead the way, Huang Renjun.” you say and he does. He walks you into his living room where Jisung is currently sitting, playing video games. The smell of something delicious makes his head turn towards the kitchen where he finds Jaemin.

“Hey, Y/N!” he calls out then wipes his hands on a towel before coming in to give you a hug. 

“Hi, Y/N!” Jisung says without looking up.

Renjun is amused and a little confused. Perhaps you and Jaemin got even closer while he wasn’t noticing, but Jisung? When had the two of you met? By the looks of it, Jisung was comfortable enough with you that he wasn’t even minding his manners and greeting you properly. Probably because he was too busy dwindling his thumbs on his controller furiously. 

“Damn, Jisung, you’re really going at it, huh?” you say to him easily.

“Mhmm. I would’ve been doing even better if Jaemin hadn’t interrupted and kicked me out of my own room because you were coming over.”

There is a two second silence before Jisung’s audience of three begins talking at the same time.

“Jisung!” Renjun yelps, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, no, we aren’t going to like… do anything--” you find yourself explaining at the same time, face heating up.

“Jisungieeee!” Jaemin also sings out to scold, yet he grins as he mock-chokes the boy.

“You are so dead.” Renjun gives the back of Jisung’s head a death stare.

“Nooo, our Jisungie means well, don’t you, Jisungie?” Jaemin coos while Jisung dodges his kisses.

Renjun shakes his head and places a hand to your arm to guide you along. “Let’s go.”

“I’ve made food if you crazy kids get hungry!” Jaemin calls after you and it’s the most animated he’s been in a while.

His friends being, well, his friends was probably worth it because Renjun is feeling a lot better as he brings you into his room. It had been a while since he had brought a girl over and looking about, he can tell that his mates did a good job at hastily cleaning it. 

“Damn, Huang Renjun. You’re a clean boy.” you’re saying as you look about. “I thought you’d be the artfully messy type.”

Renjun grins as he runs his fingers through his hair. “We can mess it up together if you’d like.” But Renjun mentally smacks himself in the head as soon as the words leave his mouth because you’ve looked up at him and quickly looked away, muttering something awkwardly.

“I… I didn’t mean that. I just meant with like, paint and, like…” Renjun blows air out of his mouth and then your eyes meet. Before you know it, you both are giggling at each other because the awkwardness is probably making you a bit delirious. 

Renjun watches as you take a deep breath to stop the giggles and turn to start looking around. “Oooh. Mr. Fancypants is a tea connoisseur.” you say as you run your hands over his teabag display box. 

Renjun chuckles “Do you want me to make you some?”

“Sure. Let’s have tea, Mr. Fancypants.” you take a seat on his wheelie chair and your eyes go to the artist’s apron you had bought him that is currently hanging on an easel. You give it a fond smile.

“What flavor would you like?” Renjun asks as he puts the kettle on and sets up two mugs.

“Umm… I don’t know tea. I’m a coffee drinker.” you reply, your fingers tracing over the pictures he had at his desk.

“I’ll make you a simple chamomile, then. I’ve seen you and Jaemin enabling each other’s coffee habits and I don’t approve.” he knots his eyebrows.

“Oh no, no, no. Jaemin is on a different level. I took a sip of his coffee by mistake once and my entire life flashed before my eyes. I don’t know if that boy drinks coffee or straight up cocaine.”

Renjun bites his smile because he’s still holding onto the look of disapproval. “That would explain the random spikes and falls in his energy.” he says as he pours out the water in the mugs and seeps the teabags. “Here you go.” he sets your mug on the desk and takes a seat on his bed.

You take a sip “So, which one is your bunk?”

“Top.” Renjun also wants to make an innuendo but he stops himself because the awkwardness surrounding the fact that you and him are alone in his room has only just subsided with the tea.

“Isn’t the bottom bunk more comfortable?” you muse as you drink. You seem to be enjoying your tea because you haven’t set it aside yet.

“Of course it is. It’s why Jisung has it.” he comments, cocking his eyebrow. “And I sleep here on this bed.” He pats where he’s sat.

You grin as you sip then quickly wipe your chin as some tea spills through your smile. “Where do you keep all your paintings?”

“In the studio. On that top bunk. Behind that door. At my grandma’s house.” he lists off on his fingers.

“Why behind the door? If I had your talent, I’d basically cover every bit of my wall in my art. Like the most egomaniacal artist in the world.” you fantasize, looking up at the ceiling.

Renjun chuckles. “I kinda like my space to be a bit cleaner, you know? Because I’m always around art. It kinda helps with my imagination, having a clean environment. It’s almost like a clean canvas.”

“Interesting.” you’ve said and it sounds like you genuinely mean it. “It’s still a bit sad. All the work you’ve created should have a home. It shouldn't be hidden away behind doors or on top bunks.”

“You can give some of them a home if you’d like. If you have space, I mean.” Renjun gives you a fond look. You haven’t replied but you’ve set your mug down and looked at him with a very tender look in your eyes. You stand up.

“I wanna see your bed.”

Renjun grins. “Be my guest.”

“Ooooh.” you make an excited squeal, almost like you're about to enter Dexter’s Laboratory. You plop yourself on it and bounce up and down, almost as if to check the pliability of it.

“So this is where the magic happens.” you giggle and then Renjun finds your gaze moving to a picture frame on his headboard. “Is that your grandma?”

“It is.” Renjun smiles as he watches you pick your feet up and make yourself comfortable.

“She looks exactly like you.” you say, looking back at him with an affectionate look.

“A lot of people say that. People in school used to think I’m adopted because I looked nothing like my parents.” Renjun scoots back to sit next to you.

“Are you close to your parents?” you ask gently, looking at him.

Renjun looks away. 

The two of you hadn’t had that many deep conversations. And anytime you did, he had found a way around it so that nothing was shared, nothing was learnt. 

But no one had ever asked him that… not in so many words. He finds himself shrugging and responding before he can stop himself. “Nah. They don’t even talk to me. They’ve never really cared.”

“How do you know that, Renjun?” you’re asking him in a very soft voice. The kind of voice that has Renjun sharing more than he wants.

“They pretty much abandoned me very young,” Renjun laughs ironically. “They would fight all the time, you know? Like, they really would go at each other one moment then make up the next moment. They kind of forgot they had a son.” Renjun finds himself saying while his eyes fixate on a loose thread on Jisung’s bedsheet. He realizes he’s warm and comfortable and that’s when he notices that you’ve put an arm around him.

“That must have been so hard, to go through that.” you’re speaking to him so softly and your head and your body is angled towards him, giving him all your attention while Renjun talks into the abyss. 

“They were just like… kinda dysfunctional, you know? They fought like crazy and I had to hide away so I wouldn’t hear them. And then the next day, they’d be in each other’s arms like nothing happened. They would pretend like everything was all right. Like the trauma they gave me meant nothing.”

You’re not speaking anymore, only listening. Your hand around him has started to gently stroke his arm. Your other hand softly combs through his hair.

“It was such a vicious cycle and they wouldn’t stop. I think they were kinda addicted to it. They would’ve been happy living like that with each other if it weren’t for me.” He had never shared so much with anyone. But now that he had started, it was difficult to stop.

“Renjun…” you say empathetically and pull him into you. Renjun pauses for a moment, but decides to give in. What did it matter, anyway? He rests his head on your shoulder.

“If it weren’t for my grandma, I wouldn’t even be alive, you know? She saved me from all of that and took me in. She raised me. It wasn’t even her responsibility, but she raised me.”

You are holding him to you and soothingly stroking his hair when you say “Then I think your grandma is the luckiest person in this world. Because she got to see you grow up to be such a good man.”

Renjun feels a lump in his throat grow and before he knows it, there are tears stinging in his eyes. You turn your head and press a kiss into his temple and slowly rock him. It was odd, being here like this, because Renjun realizes that this was the first time you had kissed him. But more than anything else, it was the first time someone had held him like this. 

The last time he remembered being held was probably when he was a child, and it had been his grandma. No one since had held him in their arms to listen to him, to comfort him, to love him without any conditions. No one had tried to take his pain away without wanting something in return. The thought puts more tears in his eyes and he finds himself leaning his weight into you. 

He allows you to hold him and comfort him and coo at him. You’re speaking to him gently but Renjun isn’t hearing your words. He’s only concentrating on the soothing sound of your voice and how melodic it is. He liked hearing you talk. He’s concentrating on how you’re rocking him, and how the movement is slowly lulling him. He liked how warm and soft you were and how protective your arms were. He liked the smell of chamomile on your breath. Had you enjoyed chamomile? He thought you had. Maybe you would’ve enjoyed a different flavor more. Renjun decides he should make you an Earl Grey next time; it would probably be better suited to your caffeine tastes. Maybe you wouldn’t like Earl Grey as much either, but it would be nice to discover that bit about you. He’d make you try all the flavors till he learnt which one your favorite was. 

“How come I never saw your cat?” He asks sleepily after you’ve been quiet for a while.

“Hmm?” you ask, confused.

“Your cat. Galbi. How come I didn’t see him when I came over?” Renjun can feel your smile against his temple.

“Oh. Yeri had dropped him over at the vet’s that day. Do you want to meet him?” you ask him.

“Yeah, it would be nice to meet him.” Renjun says and brings an arm up to cuddle closer into you.

“Okay. Next time you come over, you can meet him… shoulder gangster Renjun.” you’re only whispering at him now as you tease him.

“Mmm.” is the only reply Renjun can manage as he chuckles lazily. He didn’t even feel like killing Donghyuck for telling you about that because he feels so good like this, in your arms. Renjun hasn’t even noticed that you’ve laid him down till he realizes how horizontal he is.

It felt nice. Being held by someone, being protected by someone, being comforted by someone. Your hands haven’t stopped soothing him for a single moment ever since they started. Renjun hadn’t even noticed that you’d put the covers on him. Or that you were kissing the top of his head till he feels the warmth. It all felt so nice. He barely registers that your shirt is wet from his tears. All he feels are the relaxing patterns you’re drawing onto his skin. It’s the last thing he feels as he drifts off. And though you're gone in the morning, Renjun can swear this is the most sound sleep he's slept in many nights. He feels a thousand times lighter, like someone had lifted a heavy weight off of his chest and he was finally breathing fully. 

He smiles as he grabs his phone and sees your name right on the top of his notification list. He reads your message:

‘Hey, shoulder gangster. Sorry I left without telling you but you were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted to ask you something AND YOU CAN TOTALLY SAY NO. But my brother’s hosting a spring art festival of some sort at my parent’s house this weekend. A lot of his artist friends from his company will be there. Do you maybe wanna come with me?’

And there it was. 

Yes, it was funny how quickly people form habits without really meaning to. And in his new habit, Renjun had forgotten the real reason he was with you in the first place. 

Eyes on the fucking prize, Renjun thinks as his reality comes crashing back on him.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[heartbreaker-johnny]

Fix You (part 4)

pairing- Johnny x original character

rating- NC17 (eventually)

warnings- alcohol, sexual situations, rape mention

genre- smut, angst, fluff

summary- After reconnecting at a party, Johnny is determined to get Jess through her past trauma.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johnny parked the car in a parking lot in front of a park. It didn't look super familiar but I Knew the area so I was sure I had passed it before. It was on the outskirts of the city, the park was maybe a few yards away from the woods. There was a mulched area with playground equipment immediately in front of us. To the right, the grass started and there was a trail for people to run and walk on. We seemed to be parked at the end of the park and farther out to the right was the rest. There were benches in front of the playground and I could see more along the trail. There were trees all throughout the park, casting shadows as the moon tried to peak through.

I looked over at Johnny, waiting for him to explain why we were here. He shut the car off and leaned back in his seat, his gaze focused on the park.

"This is my special place. It's secluded at night and pretty quiet during the day, except in the summer. I come here a lot when I need to think or just need some time to myself. No one else knows I come here." He said, smiling a little to himself. "This is where I was the night you got your results back."

I slowly looked down at my hands. that night was still fresh in my mind. it was a night filled with both terror and relief.

"I was in such denial that whole week. I hadn't seen him much, the couple times I had, I asked him about it. Told me he didn't remember much. I believed him, I still believe that much. He was so freaked out it was like the world was ending, I guess his was. I just kept being hopeful that it would all go away. Then Doyoung told me you had a rape kit done and the results would be in soon. As soon as I heard that, I started to doubt everything. If it had just been a misunderstanding, you wouldn't be having a rape kit done. Mark wouldn't be absent from practice, Sicheng wouldn't be fighting our teammates."

I looked over at him as he spoke to me. His voice filled with guilt. He stared at the steering wheel, hands still lingering on it.

"The day you were supposed to get the results, I went to the café. I asked Do if Taeil was coming to work that day and he said he was working the night shift. I sat in one of the booths in the back and waited for him. When he got there, I decided I should wait until he was finished with work to ask him. when it was closing time, he came up to me and asked if I needed a ride home. I asked him if he got your results. At first he didn't want to tell me, hospital confidentiality and all that, but I begged him to tell me. I was living with him for fucks sake,  I had to know. He told me what I needed to know and I left. I went home, got my stuff for school and some clothes. I went in his room where he was hiding. He knew about the results, he begged for me to forgive him. I told him I was done with him and that he had two days to get his shit out of the apartment. I put my stuff in my car and drove here. I didn't want to be there while he was there. I would have killed him. I called Ten and asked him if he wanted to move in, he wanted out of his dorm anyway. He said yes, I told him to start moving in in two days. I spent the night here, cried myself to sleep. I didn't go back to the apartment until Ten told me it was safe. I just stayed here. I was heartbroken in so many ways. I didn't know if I could live with myself."

Hearing him pour all this out made my heart break all over again. I felt awful for being mad at him all this time. I knew it was hard on him too, it was hard on all of us. All of our lives had been changed by one night. Of course Johnny wasn't gong to believe that his best friend had done something so fucked up. I wouldn't believe it at first either. I had wasted so much time being mad at him that I could have been loving him.

I reached over and took his hand off the wheel and held it in mine.

"Nothing is your fault. I would have reacted the same way. It's my fault for being so mad at you all that time for nothing. I'm not gonna think about it anymore and I don't want you to either. As far as I'm concerned, it never happened."

He looked over at me and smiled.

"You're way too forgiving" He said.

"should I make you really work for it?" I smirked at him.

He chuckled. "No I'll take this." He turned back to look out at the playground. "Did you ever think we'd be here? Not here at the playground, but with each other, as a couple."

"Mmm, I hoped. To be honest, I never knew you had feelings for me. When I'd catch you looking at me I just thought you were bored or something. I just figured you thought of me as a friend or a sister. Especially when you started dating Wendy." I told him, smirking a bit.

"Ugh. Wendy." He said, throwing his head back into the seat. "That's something I wish I could take back."

"Why?" I asked.  "Didn't you like her?"

"She was cool and all. She was always nice and stuff. I knew she liked me and it was before I knew you had feelings for me too. I figured I should try getting over you, try dating someone else. I figured it was just a crush. I tried really hard to get over it but I just couldn't. That's why I was with her all those months, I figured I just needed time. it didn't matter, I still thought of you all the time. I just felt more guilty about it now that I had a girlfriend. Then I started noticing you looking at me and Sicheng let it slip that you liked me back, I just knew it was over between me and Wendy. I told her I just wasn't into it anymore and she seemed to understand. I think she had a think for Jongdae anyway."

"If Sicheng told you I liked you, why didn't you just ask me out when you broke up with Wendy?" I asked him.

"It would have looked weird. I didn't want her to feel bad if I moved on right away and I didn't want you to doubt my feelings for you. I knew how it would look with me coming right out of a relationship, you would have thought I was a player." He explained.

He had a point. That probably what I would have thought and I would have just turned him down.

"I remember when I first heard you guys were going out. I had heard rumors but Irene told me it was true. She felt bad for me, she knew I liked you. She wasn't sure how to feel since we were friends but Wendy is her best friend. I told her not to worry about it, that I was fine, which wasn't true. I just decided to distance myself from her, figured it would be easier for her. Not that I think Wendy is mean, but I don't think she would have liked it very much if Irene was hanging out with the girl who had a thing for her boyfriend." I smiled bitterly at the friendship I had let fizzle.

"I don't think Wendy would have been pissed, but she did have her moments of insecurity. She used to say all the girls were after me, I don't think that was true. There was definitely more popular guys at that school."

A particular person came to mind at Johnny's statement. He had been so popular with the ladies, yet he never really dated anyone. I wondered just how long he had harbored feelings for me.

"You know Irene has a thing for Taeil?" Johnny chuckled, looking at me.

"Really? How'd you find that out?" I said, surprised.

Irene had already graduated college and was a dental assistant. We hadn't seen much of her since she graduated. Mark was in the same age range as her sister, Joy and her best friend Yeri, so I used to see her every now and then. Our friendship never fully recovered after high school but there for sure was no bad blood.

"Joy spilled it at the party the other night to Doyoung. She saw Taeil walking around and said Irene had the biggest crush on him. She said Irene wouldn't talk to him because she didn't feel like she was in his league." Johnny shook his head.

"Irene said that? She's like the most beautiful girl ever. Well aside form that girl who was a senior when we were freshmen." I said.

"Right? Yoona was like unreal. Don't get me wrong babe, I love you, but I'm quite the fan of Yoona." Johnny teased me.

"So am I. I'd date her. Or Irene for that matter. If Irene told me she liked me I'd go for it for sure. What could she possibly think Taeil's type is?"

"I don't know, but I for sure know he wouldn't turn her down. I mean yeah he's quiet but he's not dumb. He knows a catch when he sees one."

"Hmm. Maybe we should set them up? I do owe Taeil."

"Look at you trying to play cupid." He said, nudging me.

"Hey I can try, it's up to them to make it work." I said, raising my hands defensively.

Johnny just shook his head and laughed at me.

We sat in silence for a few moments, looking out at the playground. I got why Johnny liked to come out here, it was peaceful. I felt special that he brought me out to his special place.

I reached over and grabbed his hand and held it in mine. He looked over at me, almost as if to ask why I did it.

"Thanks for bringing me out here. I know it must have taken a lot to share this with me." I smiled at him.

"I just wanted you to know how serious I am about you. I figured this might help." He smiled back.

"Well I appreciate it. I wish I could show you my special place. It's not exactly available whenever like yours is." I shrugged.

"Can I ask where it is?" He said.

"I know it's not really special or a secret or anything, but its the aquarium. Just something about it really puts me at ease. Really sucks when I'm having a bad night and I can't go there." I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness.

Johnny smirked to himself, then started laughing a bit.

"What?" I asked, confused. Was it really that funny?

He stopped laughing and turned the car back on.

"Nothing.  I'm gonna show you something, but you have to promise not to freak out." He said.

"Is it bad?" I asked.

"No, quite the opposite. I just don't want you to think of me differently." He explained.

"I'm so confused." I confessed.

"Don't worry, it'll make sense once we're there. Close your eyes, don't open them until I tell you to." He instructed me.

"Johnny, I really don't-"

'Nope! No buts! Just trust me and close your eyes."

I sighed in annoyance but did as I was told.

~~~~~~~~

"Okay, be careful getting out." Johnny said, helping me out of the car.

I still had my eyes closed, still didn't know where we were. I wasn't even sure how long it took us to get here. He grabbed my hand once I was out of the car, and led me somewhere I wasn't sure of. I held his hand tightly, almost completely sure he wasn't about to lead me to my death.

It felt like only mere that we'd walked before he led us to a stop. My heart was beating hard in my chest. I hated surprises. Was this the moment I would find out Johnny was in the mafia? Did he have a secret wife and kids he was about to show me? Was it simply a cute dog? The possibilities were endless.

"Okay, open your eyes." Johnny told me.

(A/N I just realized I'm writing this part while listening to The 7th Sense. Totally by accident but I still died xD)

I slowly opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the light. We were in front of a building, I knew that for sure. Once I could see clearly, I realized where we were. It was the aquarium.

"John, why are we here?" I asked, confused.

"You said it was your special place. So I brought you here." He said, proudly.

"Yeah, but I meant inside the aquarium. It's closed now, doesn't really help." I told him. Wasn't all that obvious?

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys and held them up for me to see.

"Are...Are those the keys to this place?" I asked, shocked.

"Yup." He beamed.

"Johnny, how did you get those?  Do you work here or something? Won't you be in trouble for being here after hours?" I said, freaking out.

"I kinda, sorta co-own it." He shrugged.

""You what?" I asked, staring at him completely blown away.

"It got to be too much for the owners to handle on their own. They were going to close and the animals would be sent all over the country. I remembered that we came here on a field trip. You just seemed to glow when you were here. I knew you'd be upset if it closed, so I made a deal with the owners." He shrugged.

"How are you able to afford this?" I asked him.

"All the money I get from hockey goes here. My apartment is covered under my scholarship so I don't really have any other expenses." He said.

I turned back to look at the building. This was unreal. My boyfriend co-owned my favorite place and I didn't even know.

"You wanna go inside?" John asked me.

"Is that still allowed?" I asked, worried he'd get in trouble.

"It's not like we're gonna disturb anything. Come on." He said, going to unlock the door.

He led my though the back door so he could put in the code for the security system. We walked through the storage and offices and were finally in with the exhibits. Most of them had the night lights on to simulate nighttime for the animals. It looked so different, almost alarming at night. It was dark, you weren't sure what you might see. Still, we didn't want to turn on the day time light and disturb the animals.

We finally came to one of the bigger exhibits that didn't have night time lights. The water was crystal blue and it was pretty much a giant glass wall for you to see out of. More fish than I could count swam around, living their lives, unaware of the visitors in front of them. Sting rays floated around the bottom and in random places. There were a few small sharks on the bottom of the tank, presumably looking for food. I was in awe of them all, even after being here hundreds of times.

"They're so beautiful." I said, watching the fish swim around.

"They're nothing compared to you." Johnny said, I could feel him looking at me.

I rolled my eyes and stepped closer to the glass.

"I swear it seems like there are always new fish in here every time I come." I said, mostly to myself.

"All the animals here are rescued from failing habitats or zoos that can't care for them anymore. Some are from people who ordered exotic pets and can't care for them. There's new additions all the time. " John informed me.

"Even the sharks and whales?" I asked, curious.

"They usually have something wrong with them that would make it hard for them to live in the wild. Neurological problems, injured fins, saved from whalers or fishermen. Wealthy businessmen assholes who think buying a shark makes them look inferior." Johnny rolled his eyes at the idea.

"That's so cool that they get to live a peaceful life here instead though. They're safe here, they can be themselves. I envy them." I said, getting lost in my own thoughts for a moment.

"Hey," Johnny said, his hand on my hip, pulling me towards him. I hadn't been aware he was so close. "You can always be yourself with me. I'll keep you safe, you can lean on me. You never have to hold anything back, I'm not going anywhere."

I stepped closer to him and placed my arms around his neck, my hands settling in the nape of his neck.

"I know. Thank you. It means more to me than you could imagine." I smiled at him.

He leaned in, closing the space between us and pressing his lips to mine. I gladly welcomed the kiss, my heart feeling fuller than it had in a long time.It was still so unreal to me that this was happening. Here I was, kissing Johnny Seo, in my favorite place, which I could apparently go to whenever, with him of course. Maybe the universe was finally paying me back for dealing me such shit cards up until this point.

Johnny's tongue poked at my lower lip, carefully asking for permission. I granted it to him, completely lost in the moment. His hands gripped at my hips, his thumbs drawing soothing little circles in my skin. I could help but glide my fingers through his hair, melting at the softness. It wasn't long until I felt something press against my pelvis and the kiss had deepened to the point where it wouldn't take much more to get me moaning.

I pulled back, much to his disappointment, and tried quickly to catch my breath.

"We should stop." I said, resting my forehead on  his.

"Sorry." He said, shyly.

"Don't be, I liked it. I just know if it continued, I'd want more than just kissing. It's too soon for that. And definitely not the right place." I smirked at him.

He laughed at me, then placed a chaste kiss on my forehead.

"We should get you home. I'm sure Mark is waiting up. " He smiled at me.

"Ugh, answering to my little brother now. So not my style." I grimaced.

"Maybe you should let him take care of you a bit. You've been taking care of him for so long." He said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Trust me, he's been taking care of me plenty. I need to set the roles straight again. Let's go before he starts blowing up our phones." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Yes ma'am." He said, pulling me away from my paradise.

"Hey," I said as we were walking. "Thank you for this. It's perfect and I needed it. I needed you."

"You got me babe." He smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We pulled up to my house to find Mark, sitting there on the front steps, waiting for us.

"I can't believe him." Shaking my head at my brother.

"He's probably just worried. This is new for him too. If I were I'm, I would not only be waiting up but I'd probably be blowing up your phone too." Johnny empathized.

"Yeah, well I'm sure it was coming." I said bitterly.

John laughed at me.

"Come on, I'll walk you to the door." He said, getting gout.

We walked up to the stairs, Mark getting up at the sight of us.

"I told you not to wait up." I glared at him.

"Yeah well, I couldn't sleep. Sue me." He glared back.

I rolled my eyes at him and turned back to Johnny.

"I had a good time tonight. Thank you." I smiled at him.

"Anytime. Go get some sleep. Text me when you're up, okay?" He smiled sweetly back.

I nodded, then reached up to give him a quick but meaningful kiss. I gave him once last look over, before turning and going up the stairs.

"I'll be in in a minute." Mark told me.

I simply rolled my eyes at him, and walked inside.

3rd Person POV

---------------------------------------

"What are you doing, man?" Mark asked Johnny, as soon as he heard the front door close.

"What? "Johnny scoffed.

"You really think this is a good idea? You think she's ready for this?" MArk questioned the tall boy.

"That's kinda up to her isn't it?" Johnny shot back.

"Don't fuck with me John. You know how serious this is. She's been hld up in this house because of the last guy who had a thing for her, you really think this is what she means?

"Whoa, okay first of all, don't EVER compare me to that pig. Second, I don't just have a thing for her. I love her, you know that. I thought you were okay with this, what's the problem?"

"I never said I was okay with it, I just needed time to process it.  I don't have a problem with you John, I'm just looking after my sister. I can't watch her go through  hell again. I've seen it too many times. "

"Look dude, I know you're just being protective, I get that. But I never, ever want to hurt her. when she went through hell, so did I. You have no idea what it was like for me to see her like that."

"I have an idea."

Johnny sighed and stepped a bit closer to his teammate.

"Mark, you can trust me with her. I finally have a chance with her and I don't intend on fucking it up." Johnny promised him.

Mark sighed loudly, finally succumbing to the situation.

Just make her happy, alright? I just want her happy." Mark said.

"You have my word." Johnny promised him.

------------------------------------------------------

Mark entered the kitchen as I was finishing my glass of apple juice, preparing to head upstairs.

"You scare him off?" I asked my brother, irritated by his actions.

"We just talked. Which is what I wanna do with you." He said, standing across the island from me.

"Jesus Mark, can't you leave well enough alone?" I said, slamming my glass back on the counter.

"Jess, I just want you to make sure you're moving at a pace that's best for you. I know you like Johnny and that's fine, but I don't want you to rush into things. If you're not ready, he'll wait, trust me."

"Mark, I am ready. Trust ME. I so tired of being stuck her and being afraid of any person who simple looks at me. Johnny makes me feel safe. When I'm with him I feel like myself again. For the first time in a year I feel like I can breath, I'm happy. And I don't just like him, I love him. I have since I was fifteen."

Mark nodded, letting my words sink in before speaking again.

"Okay. I trust you. But if he so much as pisses you off or causes an argument, I will destroy him and I'll get Lucas to help." He warned me.

"Thank you. And Lucas? Please do not use him to defend my honor. Call Sicheng to Jeno instead." I said, walking off to my room.

"Hey Lucas is crazy, he'd be helpful." My brother called after me.

I scoffed.

"Yeah, only if you wanna get killed too."