#yep we all have attatchment issues

[bees-sknees]

I've come back just to say that the harry potter fandom has made all the characters have deeper relationships in fanon than in canon (ex everything including the marauders bringing up harry or anything of the sort) bc most of the fandom used the books as a form of escapism and decided to create the found family they longed for:)

[tumblunni]

Random Long Post About Charon!

This is random, but I feel like fans often don’t take into consideration what Professor Rowan says during the Rotom event. I think his words actually make it very clear that Charon was the kid who wrote the diary and shines some light on Charon’s motivation for acting like a jerk to Rotom. I’ll explain why I believe this:  “Ah, imagine finding you here! You must be eager to fill your Pokédex to be searching even here. What am I doing? I visit a professor I know in Eterna every so often. He tells me intriguing rumors of rare Pokémon sightings and such.” This part isn’t particularly relevant (though I do sort of wonder if the Professor Rowan visits is actually Charon himself), but this next part definitely is: “A Pokémon that slips into electric appliances, you say… Hmm… That is somewhat off from what I’ve heard about it. Hmm… This is what I’ve heard. Long ago, there was a Pokémon that merged with a toy robot. Should that Pokémon be recognized as a new species or not… Debates over the issue were about to start when they were rendered moot. The very topic of discussion–the Pokémon-infused robot–disappeared…” Okay, so the first thing that is really important to note here is that Rowan doesn’t have the exact same information as the player. This means Charon has done research that he was keeping to himself, and fits in with Charon writing that he wants his Rotom research to be a “secret.” But we also learn here that other scientists were at least introduced to Rotom somehow despite this.  Now, as for the “topic of discussion… disappeared” part–because Charon’s lab is secret, these words don’t refer to Rotom leaving the lab. Instead, they must refer to Charon putting it in that lab to keep it a secret. This might seem odd at first��why would Rotom have been introduced to scientists in the first place at all then…? But I actually think this all makes sense. Here’s a stripped-down version of the backstory based on all these details: –Charon obtains information about Rotom “by pure chance,” as he writes in the journal we know for a fact is his. –Other researchers somehow knew about it and were going to start debates about it. –Rotom is locked away in the lab by Charon so that he would get all the credit for describing it.  –Rotom eventually leaves the lab.  This still haves a lot to be desired. Is Charon the same person who found Rotom as a child? It seems that way, since the speech patterns and diction are the same. But then how and why did other researchers learn about Rotom in the first place? Why did Charon want all the credit only after this happened? Here is where analyzing Charon’s character makes everything clear.  Obviously, Charon is a greedy person. Specifically, he seems to be someone who is pragmatic to the point of being a cynical jerk. He desires money for himself and his team, but we know from his dialogue that it’s because he thinks people can’t achieve anything without it. We can also see that Charon has a high opinion of himself (he says so), but it also seems like he may have a low opinion of himself at the same time. The fact that he keeps trying to assert his self-worth, brag, and explain that he has a place in Team Galactic every time he speaks in-game hints at this. Also, Charon’s own co-workers hate him. Considering his plan at the end of the game, we know that if Charon were presented with a way to make himself known to all, he would do everything he could to make that happen. He also at one point says “I like seeing children try their best,” which sounds a bit weird out-of-context, but makes perfect sense if the Rotom kid’s childhood was his.  Putting together all of the information I’ve discussed, here is my interpretation, applying Occam’s Razor the whole way through, of the story behind the Rotom event:  –Charon came across information about Rotom “by pure chance.” How? When it came out of a lawnmower in his childhood. –At some point, Charon was excited to tell everyone about Rotom. They were probably still close friends at this point.  –Other researchers were going to start debates on Rotom after Charon gave them some information about it. –Because of Charon’s greed, desire to belong, and selfishness, he became possessive and wanted to get “all the credit.” He freaked out and locked Rotom away in his secret lab. –Everyone was confused because it had disappeared, and debates couldn’t continue.  –Rotom was upset and tired of being stuck in the lab and left. I’m almost certain this is the story the writers intended.

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Bunni’s comments! (is it a tad awkward that you keep sending these as submissions? have you thought about posting your thoughts on your own blog and then I could reblog them? sorry to make you go to all this trouble!)

REALLY LONG THOUGHTS BELOW THE CUT:

This is a really well reasoned theory!! I dunno if we’ll ever really be able to know what story the writers intended until we actually get this plotline expanded in a remake HINT HINT NINTENDO But it does definately seem to me that Charon = kid who had that cute backstory in that journal literally in Charon’s lab written like Charon talks and nobody else does. That seems very much like the simplest option to me, and it makes this character so much more well-developed, yet its kinda not a popuar theory.. alas... I don’t completely follow this exact sequence of events in my headcanons but I do think it fits perfectly with everything we know so far. You’re so good at analysis!!

Personally I think maybe people forget about Rowan’s few sentences at the start of the event... just cos the event is really hard to find. Practically nobody actually played this thing, I certainly never got a chance to do it until a decade later when i was able to emulate + use gamesharks. So before that I got my information secondhand through script-dumps and lets play videos, and a lot of people seem to leave out the rowan bit. A lot of people actually leave out the diary too! It seems even people who actually played the event didnt realise it was there, just grabbed their new rotom form and left. Alas poor Charon, ignored even in a meta sense! Also on Bulbapedia the script-dumps are organized weird. The actual page for the event and the Rotom Room as an area don’t contain it, its just got the diary part and the rowan part cut off separate and put on charon and rowan’s pages respectively.

Anyway, my personal thoughts + alternate interpretation to add to this!

To me it didnt sound like someone else discovered a rotom and tried to start these debates, then Charon freaked out at the competition and became paranoid. To me it sounded like Rowan was talking about someone (Charon) who started a debate and then suddenly vanished on the day it was going to take place. i dunno, just the way it was phrased seemed to come off like this was some relative unknown who popped up with this information about rotom, and then everyone assembled to hear him out. Cos specifically the ONLY information Rowan knows is that its ‘a pokemon that can possess a toy robot’, you’d think if multiple scientists were debating the existence of rotom for a long time then they’d have more info than that, info that isnt super specific to Charon’s situation. Or, at least, you’d think that if they were still researching rotom AFTER this one failed conference, they would have gained more info by now? I dunno, its hard to explain what I mean.

So, the basis for all my deductions is this interpretation that Charon (at least for that moment) had decided his rotom research was finished and wanted to reveal it. For me, the big question is... why didnt he?

WHY would Charon not want to boast about his discovery in this ‘debate about rotom’? We know at least one famous pokemon professor was gonna be there! Charon’s whole thing is (supposedly) wanting to become famous cos of rotom, absolutely no attatchment to it except as a revenue source, yep totally, no lies here. So you’d think that joining in a big debate with a bunch of high ranking scientists and making his great reveal would be.. like.. exactly what he wanted?? Why did it not happen?? 

My interpretation of this is kind of a mushy one linked to my general irrational decision that this man is potentially redeemable and totally has a soul. Alas, why can I never leave the grampademption train! I think that maybe this was some sort of major moment where the good and bad sides of his character clashed. REALLY CLASHED. He’s spent so many years trying to lock off himself into two mutually conflicting boxes, the innocent kid who sees this pokemon as a friend and the bitter cynical old bastard who wants to become famous off it. And now he has to choose, and it led to a complete mental breakdown! He initially chose money over rotom, he was gonna go ahead with the presentation. But then his better side won out and he cancelled it at the last second. He got cold feet, being scared of losing his best friend. Maybe he was actually going so far as to do some sort of morally repugnant deal, he was gonna sell rotom off to the highest bidder and never see it again? Or it’d have to be dissected as the first specemin of a new species, or locked up forever and experimented upon? Or maybe its just simply.. when you only have one friend in the world you kinda wonder if they’d want to keep you around if they found another friend. Maybe he thought rotom only needed him because of his research, maybe he thought it would become just as greedy as him if it got the chance? Maybe he thought that it would leave him if he let anyone else know it existed, which is what led to his growing paranoia and decision that his research was perpetually ‘not done yet’. (Cos seriously, what you see of his lab and stuff seems pretty finished???)

So that’s my interpretation of why he and rotom ‘vanished’ at that point, but then there’s the question of how they ended up separated. this is now going into complete fanfic territory, I dont really have evidence for any of it. In my image of how this whole scene would go down, mid-freakout Charon would have snapped at rotom and it led to an argument that ultimately resulted in like... triple decker bonus back of Regrettable Decisions. Charon’s been shown to kinda dig himself further into his own grave whenever his plans go wrong. So here we go, scene is set with Charon suddenly grabbing everything and running the fuck out the fire exit, five seconds before the meeting is about to start. From rotom’s perspective, it has NO IDEA what is going on, it just listens when he says to get in the pokeball. And now we have Charon in the position of having NO CLUE how to explain this all when he opens that pokeball again, he’d never just be honest about his feelings. Hell, he’s such an emotionally stunted guy wrapped up in his own neuroses, i don’t know if he’d even be honest about his feelings to HIMSELF! He just sitting here having a panic attack like ‘why did i do that?? I was about to become rich??’ Giant neon sign flies overhead saying ���YOU HAVE EMOTIONS’, he ignores it. I figure he’d also exaggerate it in his head and destroy his entire scientific career just because he thinks he’s embarassed himself too much to go back. And he’s decided that this somehow proves that being a good person will only ruin all your dreams, and you have to be as bitter as possible to succeed. this is where he went from a dubious guy who occasionally breaks the law to ‘well I’d better jump off the slippery slope forever and join a space based evil team, literally just because of One Social Anxiety Moment’. (Relateable, amirite?) And ironically everyone he met that day is literally just thinking ‘oh god what happened to that guy, is he okay?’ and would have totally understood if he just explained his damn self... So all his panic comes to a head and he decides to blame rotom rather than actually do some in-depth analysis of his own life choices. I feel bad because I don’t want to hurt my friend?? I personally value friends higher than money? No, nonsense, you’ve somehow CORRUPTED ME! How could you do this, don’t you know how important that meeting was? WAS THIS YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG??? It was my ONE CHANCE! (apparantly, according to me)

So even though he just ran away because he didn’t want to lose rotom.... he throws away rotom. (just imagine the internal screaming this man must have experienced for the next twenty years)

It was a stupid, STUPID decision based on misdirected anger that he should have been aiming at himself. Nope, can’t believe that the great charon might have made a mistake, that friendship might indeed be a thing that exists in your dried up old heart. Instead it has just proven that friendship = weakness! And now because of this you’ve turned a salvageable situation into the worst disaster possible, yet again. (Man, I feel like Charon can barely survive without rotom. Its not just his conscience but a large chunk of his common sense...)

And rotom of course has NO IDEA why its suddenly been abandoned, so it probably was a really depressing time sitting alone in its trainer’s old house, hoping he’ll eventually come back so you can apologise for something that you don’t even know what it is... And at the same time we have Charon freaking the fuck out for decades, too caught up in his own neuroses to make the very simple decision of just turning around and walking back to where he left that pokeball. And even if he got there, what would he even say? Would he actually have the balls to admit he was wrong, or would he make excuses? ‘Oh, I was just too busy to visit, so much work to do, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill’ In his darkest moments he even considers that maybe he’s wrong to regret this decision at all. ‘But I did the right thing, I don’t need rotom, I don’t need anyone, I have to sacrifice everything to be famous...’ He’s probably even managed to get all the way to the door of the old chateau before running away yet again, leaving rotom thinking it just imagined seeing him outside the window :( Its like in his past when he startled rotom and it thought it had hurt him, but this is if he didn’t chase after it and just left time frozen on that moment. Well, he wishes it was, that he could just choose any second to take back his decision and everything would go back to normal. Never that easy, though...

I APOLOGISE FOR OVERLY LONG POORLY EXPLAINED FANFIC THOUGHTS WHILE I AM SLEEP DEPRIVED ok i need to go cry over dumb grandpas and then probably get some damn rest

oh wait one last random headcanon! i think that charon’s secret lab in team galactic eterna building is actually something he only built after the big moment of abandoning his pokemon Why does Charon have a rotom lab here if he doesnt have a rotom anymore? sure it could just mean he lost his rotom relatively recently, but since my fanfic idea places it earlier in the timeline I like to think that maybe he’s made this room in case he ever gets rotom back. He made a bunch of form-machines even better than the old ones, and decorated the place all fancy, and hopes that maybe it could be at least a small apology for all the suffering he’s put his friend through. Though he doesnt understand that rotom isnt as superficial as he is, so he cant just buy back its love... He just sits in there are rereads his journal whenever he gets nostalgic, he hasnt actually done any science in there for years. Also, it would maybe explain the duplicate rotom lab in silph co in HGSS? that’s the original, and he’s tried to make his new galactic lab as similar as possible because of how guilty he feels, and how he wants to just escape that guilt by turning back time instead of actually saying sorry.

A big thing I always struggle with in writing redemptiony fics is whether I’m lessening a character’s evil and forgiving them too easily and all. I think this series of events would definately still qualify as A Total Dick Move, even if its one that actually has a reason to it other than just ‘i’m evil’, and hurt himself as much as he hurt rotom. And man its so frustrating, seriously I’m here like ‘DUDE STOP IGNORING YOUR EPIPHANIES, JUST GO APOLOGIZE’ yet I also know that if I make him do it immediately and have everything resolved without conflict it’ll be so much less of a believeable redemption arc :P so yeah believe me i still wanna slap charon just as much as everyone who hates charon does, just for different reasons XD Also he needs a hug too. But he needs to do a lot of development before he could actually earn it!

[pers0nals-blog]

wow.... 4/19/17

Well hello there tumblr world. I did not expect to be back here writing out everything that seems to be going wrong in the world. It's crazy to me to read these because everything always seems to go right, I just have to be patience and let it do it's work. As for my New York boy, it ended up just being too much time apart and I didn't miss him. I mean the next time I saw him was October, almost a whole year later! And I wasn't interested anymore, he didn't have his shit together like I thought he did. But regardless, that break up was easy. So then I met another boy in NYC.... Except we work together. And this is where my life gets messy and I've made it so chaotic. I started a new job in July after getting laid off at my previous job. I was boppin around, I had another guy in my life that I was dating and had no intentions of dating anyone else. But then this guy.... I remember it was over Thanksgiving break. He told me he was coming home and all this stupid flirting crap but I was like cool idk who you are but do you homie because I had a man at the time and really didn't think he was that cute (but it was obviously he was into me). When I met him, nothing crazy either, very much not my type looks-wise. But personality? Everything I love. Confidence but cute and funny but sweet and of course always flirty and silly. Which is what got me. We ended up going on a date the week after and I remember thinking it was moving so fast for what i thought but he lived in NYC so I figured eh it's just something temporary and maybe if I move out there I can rekindle or something. The date wasn't even that cool tbh but he took me to a really nice dinner. We kissed, idk it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. As time moved on, I realized that he may have liked me and I may have liked him. I barely saw him because he was in NYC but then he told me he was moving back home. So we just talked everyday and he flew me to NYC and spent time with me and we were great and happy together. I knew he was afraid of commitment but he acted like I was someone important to him. He would say he couldn't wait to see me, kiss me, hug me, talk to me. This went on for 4 months and then he moved home. At this point, we had discussed possibly seriously dating. He said he was open to it but it would take time. After moving home, we probably talked less and barely saw eachother for moving back home. I was crushed, I was hurt and I felt lied to. I ended things on March 26th in the Equinox parking lot on the phone. He had the nerve to say "oh maybe we can talk down the line?" and that maybe he'd be ready but he didn't know when. That to me is just empty promises, empty everything. Of course going to work those next two weeks SUCKED. I felt like he didn't care about me at all, that everything we did was a lie and joke. We had this offsite coming up and I was just hoping he'd drunkenly admit to me how he knew he fucked up and that I was an amazing person that deserved the world (what's new!) Except that didn't happen. Instead it was beyond obvious to all my peers that we had some weird tension hanging above our heads. He continued to flirt with every girl there except me, saying it was "his personality". I told him we needed to talk because I saw him intently flirting with the new girl and I was just seeing my episode repeat and I couldn't help but feel like I was getting replaced. So I found out he was rooming one down from me. Creepy much? And we talked, and he just continued to break my heart. See for me, four months is a huge time and I had dropped other guys because I thought this guy was a good one. He told me that we were too different because "i liked coachella and he liked watching sports in the jacuzzi" which is utter bullshit if you ask me. We don't need to be twins? He said it hurt to tell me that it would never work out but this goes to the beginning of my story. This is where the emotional playing starts. Everything contradicts itself, it continues to spiral. So he tells me he'll never hook up with the girl I'm threatened by because I literally see myself there. The next day rolls around and I try to be friends because obviously I want him to want me. He makes a joke that I'm trying to mess with him so that "he'll come crawling back to me" and I'm like yeah you will because you'll see that you actually cared this whole time and I'm not losing my mind. Later, we end up hooking up and it was amazing per usual and I felt so powerful. The day after that, I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing but I was like yep I want to do that again. I continue my usual ploy and although it was a bit more difficult it worked. He kept asking me about why I was doing this and how my opinion changed so quickly. But to be honest, I'd rather have him in my life then not in my life. He was someone I wanted to get to know, someone I wanted to spend time with and if it had to be casual then hell I was doing it. So after a bit more drama (took a hot minute to get him to leave the bar), we hook up again. But this time, we talk about things. I tell him we should be casual and just hang out and it'll be fine and he goes okay cool. Then I tell him you know you miss me and he says he misses me. I tell him to text me because obviously I want to do this again.... This is where things turn to their worst. I leave and text him two days later because I notice he hasn't said anything which is weird. He responds a bit drawn back and then drops a bomb that he doesn't remember any of our conversation.... the I miss you, the casual hanging out, NOTHING. I don't know whether to believe him or think he's full of shit but at this point there is no use lying. I tell him what we went over, in a casual way, he tells me he doesn't feel comfortable because of my position blah blah and i tell him literally who cares because it's my life and i am going to live it. He says he'll get back to me... but here we are 3 days out and let me tell you he has not gotten back to me. Can you tell I'm FUCKING pissed off? I've lost all control of my feelings, my situation, my everything. I never get attatched to people that I know will complete fuck my life up. That was so college. But this you guys, this guy is all bad. He has commitment issues, has way too much money for his age, comes from a weathly family and loves girl attention. So now I'm here.... checking my snaps to see if he's viewed them, looking at my instagram pictures to see if he liked them, hoping for that sliver of chance he texts me back. But I'm living in a dream world. He wants to deny he ever had feelings, he wants to deny that he cared about me, he wants to deny everything he's said and continue to flirt with the new girl. I'm d-o-n-e. But why am I crying at work, feeling so uncomfortable? So lost and so helpless? Here's why: Dating anyone for 4 months is a long time, you're going to feel things. When you don't get what you want you are sad, but when you don't get what you want and someone tries to act like they never cared for you and that you are easily replaced and easily forgotten. Also when people tell you things and then just act like they forget.... I'm not forgetting. This boy wasn't the one, he was one that could be if he gave me the time. This experience has taught me to never date another coworker again. Nothing is worse then getting ghosted by a coworker who claimed to "never have feelings for you". This has taught me that I still am an emotional person and that I can feel things just like anyone else can. Also that I am worthy of so much more and deserve so much more then some half ass apology and mediocre answers. I don't deserve to feel uncomfortable at my workplace. So I'm just going to work on myself like I always do. Hide away from my coworkers and continue to love myself and love my friends. Also I think I'm going to go to Zara lol prayers to me and hopefully I will not have to write about this boy ever again. Can't wait to see him crawl back down the line and me just laugh.