#yeosang x OC

[kiestrokes]

Day 9: Accismus | NSFW

▸ Idol: Kang Yeosang of ATEEZ ▸ Rating: NSFW. Mature (18+) Minors DNI. ▸ Genre: another WIP from the graveyard, smut. arranged marriage AU. ▸ Vibe: Yeosang and OC have been friends since thirteen, meeting at a Gala both of their families were attending. Yeosang's grandmother has requested the two of them marry by age twenty-five if neither has found no other suitable partner. ▸ Warnings: mutual pining, original character pov (she is unnamed at this time), some cursing from reader, Yeo is an angel and would never curse.

Sexually Explicit Content: semipublic sex (they're in Yeosang's grandmothers guest house), kissing, biting, sexual intercourse (penis in vagina), missionary and cowgirl positions, no condom, Yeosang does pull out, some mild orgasm control (OC to Yeosang), sexual tension.

🗝️ Note: Has not beta-ed by me or anyone else. THIS IS A WIP! (it is wipmas) It is not complete; this is very much a rough outline/first run through. I wrote this last summer sometime, but lost my steam to finish it pretty quick due to a position change at work.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below.

「 25 Hours: Hard, Soft and WIP-mas Masterlist 」

Yeosang finds her sprawled out hiding in the pool house and trails his fingers up her bare leg.

She groans, "Yeo please, I'm overstimulated enough."

He sits down beside her on the daybed to remove the arm from across her eyes, she blinks at him. Quietly noting the lust in his eyes, how his shirt is unbuttoned, the sleeves rolled up and when she makes it back to his face she gasps as he leans down to kiss her for the second time today.

"Yeosang,'' she moans into his mouth, hands diving into his hair.

He groans back, hand cupping her face and pulling her up against his body. She climbs partially into his lap and he moans collecting her to him.

"All day, you've driven me mad with your shy responses to me," he huffs as she tilts his head back to kiss down his Adams apple.

Yeosang moans and fists her dress in desperation to have her full weight on him.

"ME!"

Yeosang wails in frustration when she pins him to the back of the headboard, lifting his hips so she falls into place completely straddling him.

"You have been tormenting me for weeks with all your little touches Yeo!"

He smiles smugly at her, "I know, and you're so cute when you're flustered."

She gapes at him, "Yeo-"

"I don't want to argue, please it has been a long day, come here and let me release both of our tensions."

Yeosang begs, tugging her up his body and straining against her arms to close the distance. She relents and Yeosang's hand dives into her hair devouring her in a kiss. She whimpers and whines and Yeosang can't take the little noises. His hand tightens in her hair to press her harder into his lap.

He moans her name.

She huffs at his blatant display of need, "we're in your grandmother's pool house!"

Yeosang kisses and nibbles across her clavicle, rubbing himself against her like some hormonal teenager.

"She's lying down for a nap, and the curtains are drawn."

She meets Yeosang's eyes, seeing how fucked out he is before his head tilts worriedly.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

She groans, pressing her forehead to his, "Yeo, I want you more than you want me, I want this."

Yeosang dips his head to kiss her again, turning her so she's lying back on the bed, "I don't know if that's necessarily true."

He leans with one knee on the bed as she watches him remove his buttondown.

"I do want you," she counters, as he tosses is shirt onto the coffee table.

"That's not what I was arguing against."

She sits up on her elbows as he unbuckles his pants and drops them to the ground unceremoniously to prove his point.

Leaving him standing in his boxers, erection strongly outlined, "I want you more."

Yeosang swallows hard as she ravages him with her eyes. Once her gaze completes its journey back to his he slips onto the bed between her legs. She welcomes him, hand slipping up his toned biceps, down his back as he slots himself between her legs.

Hiking up her dress to reveal her damp panties he moans uninhibitedly as one of her hands drifts down to finger the outline of his cock. She cants when he drags two fingers down her clothed cunt, tucking into the side of them and moaning at the dampness he finds inside.

"Jagiya-"

"Yeosang-"

"I'm here."

"Hurry."

Yeosang tugs down his boxer briefs kicking them off, before delicately dragging her panties down her legs. She goes to untie the straps of her dress when he grabs her forearm with one hand.

"No leave it on."

So she does, arching an amused brow at this discovery. Yeosang waste no time as he lines himself up, with her flushed and soft and something so naturally feminine underneath him.

Yeosang bites his lip to withhold a moan at the sight. Rubbing himself through her arousal, swirling the tip at the entrance. Reveling in how her breathing deepens from his intimate touch, her breasts threatening to spill over the top of her dress.

That is until she impatiently hooks her calves into the back of his thighs and tugs him forward. They collectively gasp in pleasure as just the swollen head breaks just inside her fluttering pussy. Yeosang lifts his eyes to meet hers as he rolls his hips forward in one stroke, filling her quickly, entirely. She trembles at the stretch, legs spasming around his hips.

Yeosang's eyes lid as he gazes down at her, thrusting deeper, reangling to stretch the sensitive spot at her entrance she'd mentioned one time in a drunken overshare.

"Fuck," she lets out a strangle groan.

Yeosang sets a firm pace, pulling out slowly and thrusting leisurely back in to the hilt, opening her to his girth. Abdomen tense with an exercised restraint as his gaze is trained on their coupling parts; loving how her pussy puckers as he pulls out, clutching to his cock, that glistens in her essence,

"Yeo," she gasps finally breaking the trance.

Yeosang bows over her for a kiss, snapping his hips quickly a few times

"You feel so good, so-so good," he whines, burying his face in her neck when she locks her legs around his back and rubs against him.

They nearly glued together, with the slightest pull out and thrust back in. Yeosang panting into the hollow of her throat as her hips shakily meets his thrusts. He circles his hips once deeply inside causing her to arch into him. So he does it again and again, pulling back to look at her with one hand cupping the nape of her neck, the other fisting the pillow beside her head.

"Yeosang-ahhh," her eyebrows furrow as he continues to repeat the motion.

"Does it feel good?"

Yeosang knows it does he can feel her pussy sucking him in, how it trembles at the at his teasing gyrations. But he wants to hear her, have her vocally confirm that she is enjoying this as much as he is, more than he is.

"Mmmf," she turns her head shyly, and he gasps a shocked laugh.

"No need to get embarrassed now jagi, you're greedily taking me in, don't know if I can ever leave," he grunts as she squeezes him again internally and with her thighs, "gonna come for me?"

"Yes," she whines still not looking at him.

Yeosang moans her name himself, half in pleasure and other in mild frustration, "ahhh, please look at me."

He gently grabs her jaw and she meets his eyes as her body tightens. Yeosang starts snapping his hips again, giving them both a break from the taunting circles. He breathes a surprised laugh when he feels her hands on his ass, nails biting in, her legs fanning open to take him deeper.

"Thats it, enjoy me, enjoy this, ahhh-ah," Yeosang's own hips stutter briefly as he nearly loses it at the sight and feel of her.

How the straps of the dress fall off her shoulder, the swells of her breasts bounce, he presses his forehead to hers.

"Where do I need to come?"

"Where do you want to come?" She whispers strained as he continues to stroke her towards completion.

Yeosang moans and kisses her again. Driving into her as she cries out in his mouth, her insides seize so he rocks harder, swallowing her cries and losing himself until he's panting raggedly against her mouth as she claws at his back.

"Yeosang," she cries, her body arches eyes pinched shut as he frantically thrusts into her tightening cunt.

"Jagiya, so close" he chants, willinging himself to just wait a couple more strokes.

Yeosang can't get over this feeling, how slick she is, how intimately she hugs his cock, how he never even dreamed of having her this way. He tells her these things and she moans in response, quiet little "hngh" and "ahh" sounds that drive Yeosang madder.

Her hands gliding into his hair, grasping it tightly, so suddenly, in a way that makes him cry out in a broken moan. Allowing her to flip him back against the headboard, their bodies never parting as she slots her thighs next to his hips to start riding him.

Yeosang grunts tugging the bows holding the straps of her dress loose and pulling the top down so that her breasts are thrust up by her own clothing, bouncing freely as she rides him hard.

"Jagi," he moans, a look mirroring pain on his face "----" he says again and she feels him stiffen, hands clutching her hugs hard.

"Not yet yeo, 'm so close, just a little more."

Yeosang moans and draws her to him so he can drill his hips upwards, she falls apart finally, going limp in his arms squeezing his cock in pulsations as her orgasm hits. He grits his teeth as her release coats him in a mind altering warmth, enticing out his own.

Yeosangs cries out, barely pulling her hips off his cock and lying her back on the bed before he is spraying release over her exposed thigh

"Aghhh," Yeosang groans, collapsing back against the headboard.

His eyes squeezed shut as fucks his still squirting erection into his loose fist, jaw slack, panting and whining her name.

She watches with unbridled excitement as his cock twitches and squirts. Letting out a giggle at the sight of him so wrecked, and all from her. Yeosang's gaze cuts to her and she laughs harder as his body jerks in response to their eye contact. He sighs hips stilling as he releases one final ejaculation over his now tightened fist. She licks her lips, eyeing his spent dick, he huffs a laugh, face breaking out into a shy smile.

Bashful both from his own horniness and from her current appearance. Dress only covering her stomach, breasts flushed, nipples winking at him, pussy wet with her heavy release, so swollen and puffy, inner thigh marked with his cum, and her face, lips kiss bitten, eyes bright. Yeosang's groin tightens and he needs to get away before he loses his willpower, again.

"Stay here, I'll grab a towel to clean you up."

© COPYRIGHT 2021 - 2024 by kiestrokes  All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

[sweetiesicheng]

yeosang - one morning

word count : 531

-

you hear two phone alarms go off and groan. instead of getting up and turning the alarms off, you just continue to lay there. after a few seconds, both alarms are turned off. "honey, we need to get up. we need to leave for the airport in a few hours," you hear yeosang say to you in the midst of being half asleep.

you groan, "it's so early..." you mumble to him.

"i know, but we can get some sleep on the plane. by the time we get home, it'll be the afternoon and we can order delivery," yeosang says to you while rubbing your arm. "let's get up, baby," he says and you feel him kiss your cheek.

"ten more minutes," you mumble to him and roll onto your back.

you hear yeosang chuckle. "fine, ten more minutes."

yeosang gets up from the bed and gets ready as well as pack up some belongings that are lingering around in the room. you eventually wake up before ten minutes are up and do your morning routine. yeosang is folding some clothes while you're getting ready. when you’re done, you pack the rest of your belongings and both of you make sure that everything is packed.

"do you want to get some breakfast at that coffee shop we passed by?" yeosang asks while grabbing the keycards for the hotel room.

"yea, sure. i'm hungry," you mention and lift your suitcase so it’s up right. "are we good to go?" you ask him.

yeosang nods, "yea. let's go," he says.

you two leave the hotel room and head into the lobby. you check out of your hotel and go to the coffee shop to have breakfast.

—

the coffee shop is fairly busy despite only being opened for thirty minutes by the time you get there. you two get a table in the back of the shop and eat breakfast together.

"finally awake?" yeosang asks as you sip on your cup of coffee.

you nod, "mhm. i really needed this," you say and lean back in your seat. "i'm kind of sad that we're going home," you mention.

"yea, me too," yeosang starts, "but we can always come back another time. we didn't even get to do all of the touristy things." he says and eats another bite of his breakfast.

"it really does gives us a reason to come back," you say to him. "but you have schedules soon, so it'll be awhile."

"my schedules give me the chance to explore the world more though. maybe i’ll find another place for us to visit together," yeosang says and takes a sip of his coffee. "you should come with me," he suggests to you.

"you know i have to work," you immediately reply and fix some strands of your hair that had gotten out of place.

"well...i'll just have to buy you a plane ticket so you're forced to come," he says with a smile.

"kang yeosang, i have an apartment to help pay for," you say to him.

"yes, yes, i know," he replies before pouting, "guess i won't see my cute girlfriend..."

"okay, maybe one time."

"two times?"

"...maybe two times..."

[kiwiraccoon]

In the Twilight

Ateez x OC

Word Count: 2678

Summary: She lives with eight men, it was planned by all their parents. They spend hours together and hours apart. They do things together, for each other, and on their own. She reads by her window and they join in. They fall in love first, and she falls harder one by one.

Notes: FLUFF that’s all

part 1

The pages on my book glow in the twilight of the setting sun through my window that I sit next to regularly. The words stick out against the beige pages and I lose track of time while reading. It’s a common occurrence causing the boys to interrupt my time to call me for dinner. If they didn’t I would skip the meal unintentionally.

“Your dress will get wrinkled like that.” A voice calls out from the other side of our decently sized library. He walks into the room with grace that calls attention to him even if he doesn’t want it.

“Will it now?” I jest, a smirk growing on my face as I close my book with just my finger holding its place. He continues walking towards me and I can do nothing but watch his elegance. I’ve learned much from him about etiquette, and how to hold oneself in a pleasing manner. If it weren’t for him I would be curled up on my windowsill and slouching in a very uncomfortable position.

He chuckles, “It will.” He moves to stand near where I sit allowing himself to see the beautiful landscape I find myself wanting to paint from memory many times.

“Did you come here for something?” I ask not out of annoyance, a feeling I never have towards him, but out of curiosity as he usually has something in mind for us to do when he does gain the courage to interrupt my time.

“I’m just enjoying the view.” He says softly looking out to the landscape and I look down smiling, opening my book once again. I know he has an idea but refuses to pull me away from my book when I am not at a perfect stopping point. He understands my love for words on pages and their stories better than any of the others.

“There are other windows, Seonghwa.” I say with a small laugh at his antics, but continue reading as to finish the chapter quickly.

“But none have this beautiful view.” He says simply, and without looking I can feel his eyes on me rather than the view outside causing a small smile to form on my face.

“It is quite nice isn’t it.” My pages turn as he ponders his next words. I can feel the way he wants to ask me a question but his morality refuses to let him ‘bother’ me. I always found it cute how he would wait for hours if he had to just to be sure he wasn’t intruding on my time alone. The way he would either grab a random book of his own to occupy his mind with or simply just sit on one of the couches and enjoy the ‘view’ before him.

“Indeed,” he breathes in for a moment obviously fighting his inner turmoil. “Uh… Do you have a book mark?” The way his voice shakes but also peaks in both curiosity and worry makes my smile grow once again and pull my eyes to him.

A chuckle escapes my lips, “nope.”

“Well then,” he clears his throat and steps closer to where I sit, “do you mind remembering the page you are on?” I see the way his Adams Apple bobs as his swallows down his stress. I never truly understood why he felt so scared or uncomfortable with gaining my attention. But I admire his consistency even if I do wish sometimes he would just give in to his desires and whisk me away without a question.

“May I ask why, Seonghwa?” I put emphasis on his name as I memorize my page number and close the book. Without missing a beat I hear a slight laugh blow through his nostrils as I haphazardly toss my book into my windowsill and turn my body to face him more. 

His hand reaches out in request for mine, “I would like to show you something.” The smile on his face never fails to make my heart stutter, he has one of those dazzling smiles that anyone would give their all to see again. Or just leave them wishing they could have the beautiful image painted in their mind just for them to see.

“Oh alright then.” I take his slightly larger hand in mine and let him pull me from my seat. He places my hand in the crook of his elbow as he leads me out of the room and to this mysterious place I can’t wait to see.

“What were you reading?” He questions breaking the silence and creating a comforting atmosphere, well more so adding to it as I have never found myself even slightly on edge in his presence. Over the years we have grown close, maybe it was because we saw each other often through our parents meeting or maybe just because for some reason we are just puzzle pieces who only fit comfortably with one another.

When our parents sat us down and told us we would be taking over the residence we both smiled to each other and silently agreed to celebrate later alone. This was before we found out about the others, but even then we still celebrated in the moonlight with our favorite wine. “ A beautiful romantic scene.”

“Will you tell me about it?” He smiles down at my encouraging me to tell him about the scene he so wishes he didn’t drag me away from but couldn’t wait much longer.

“Well, a charming prince took his beautiful princess to the gardens in the middle of light rain to dance… and then you showed up” I smile back up at him to show him that I didn’t mind and simply enjoy his presence no matter the time.

He slightly squeezes my hand against his arm, “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

A soft giggle escapes me and causes me to cover my mouth before responding, “I like your interruptions.”

“Is that so?” His smile grows more and we make our way out of the long hallways and into the larger rooms of the main area.

“Mmhmm.” I hum, “you always take me somewhere nice.” It’s common that he would whisk me away to a nighttime stroll through our garden, or even through our many halls just to let us get time alone and enjoy each other's presence. But other times he would take me out for a horseback ride and we would find ourselves in a beautiful landscape that would make me gasp and him laugh. I would spin around and dramatically fall into the grass laughing while he would slowly walk over and look down at me as if I hung the stars. He believes it to. Especially when we stargaze at night, he swears I placed each star just for him to look at, and I wish I did but I would do it so much better.

“Are there any interruptions you don’t like?” He asks.

“Wooyoung, Yunho, and Jongho sometimes.” I admit chuckling as he gasps when I say Yunho’s name. “Let me explain. Wooyoung always takes my books away when I’m at the best part then reads them himself, Jongho just sits there silently and stares I usually don’t mind but sometimes I can only feel his eyes and I can’t focus, and Yunho. Well, he makes the silliest jokes at the worst times. I will be reading a really intense or sad moment and all of the sudden he’s making a joke about one of our cats falling earlier in the day.” 

“And yet you never tell us to go away.” He shakes his head and pulls me towards our massive ballroom leaving a confused look on my face. 

“I could never… the ballroom?” I ask now pulling away from his arm and spinning a round the open space that has recently been cleaned. I can see decorations around the room along with the placement of large tables specifically for the food and drinks to come.

“We have the ball tomorrow.” He reminds following me around the large space elegantly.

“Ah right, tomorrow. I almost forgot.” 

“You forgot. Do you have a dress?” He corrects, and asks me a question he knows the answer to. Seonghwa is always prepared, possibly even weeks in advance. Sometimes I worry if he even spends time just to himself and not worrying about what’s to come and how to help all of us to prepare.

I laugh at his question, “I know you have made me one already.” More often than not he spends most of his time creating clothes for us, but he enjoys making me dresses the most. I remember him saying that creating dresses gives him more room for creativity than a simple suit for the guys. And I can’t help but agree and have zero rebuttal.

“You know me well.” He pulls me to him softly be the arm and smiles down at me. I swear his smile if enough for me to die happy but I would be doing an injustice to all the other guys in this estate. All of them hold a piece of my heart whether they like it or not. 

“Always,” I whisper patting his chest before looking around the room and smiling to myself. “It’s beautiful in here.”

I see him shake his head slightly in the corner of my eye. “You light up the room more than you know.”

“Oh really?” A blush finds its way creeping up my face and I turn away from him pretending to look around the room again. I don’t know why but suddenly I feel nervous under his gaze. Maybe it’s the intimate moment we are sharing, but we have shared many before. So many that compliments are normal conversation topics for us, and even though I get flustered never once has my blush made me want to turn away.

“Yes.” He places a finger under my chin and turns me to look at him once again while giving me a small smile with a smirk mixed in. He clears his throat, “do you have someone accompanying you?”

“All of you usually accompany me throughout the night, you know, I never have just one.” I state smiling at the memory of what they all tend to do throughout the night of a ball. Hongjoong accompanies me during the toast and first dance. Yunho makes me laugh when I grow bored. Yeosang and I whisper amongst ourselves about the music. San helps me relax when I feel there are too many people. Mingi steals me for a dance when he feels I haven’t danced enough. Wooyoung tugs me to the balcony at just the right time to get fresh air and chat. And Jongho takes me to my room when he notices my fourth yawn. Finally, Seonghwa makes me feel like I belong yet stand out all at the same time.

“Would you mind if I whisked you away for a dance this time?” He asks knowing he rarely gets a chance to dance with me thanks to the others. And for some reason he now feels the need to do so, but I can’t help but think how cute his invitation is.

I smile and tuck a piece of hair behind his ear and whisper, “I would never mind, Seonghwa.”

He leans his head down to connect with me and close his eyes letting out a sigh of relief, “good.” 

In the moment I can’t help but think how perfect it would be to just give in to temptation. “How about a dance now?” I ask pulling away to look into his eyes that always remind me how pure he really is.

“There’s no music?” His eyebrows furrow causing me to let out a small laugh and shrug.

“We don’t need music.” I pull him into position and start a simple dance enjoying the moment of peace and serenity with the one person who gives me that feeling just with his presence. He leads me into the dance and we hold eye contact the whole time, fully embracing a moment we claim as ours.

“Is this like your book?” He questions with a little smile on his face.

“No this is our own moment not written on pages but in history. Everything that is done is history whether it was written down or not.” I explain fully believing my words and hoping he understands what I mean. I want us to make history together, our own history that maybe no one else will ever hear but it doesn’t matter to us.

His teeth shine through his smile, “you have a way with words.”

“Well I do read and write often.” I jest smirking at his smile. Our relationship will forever amaze me at how we can be serious yet challenging to each other in a joking way no matter the situation. Whether it’s alone in the middle of the night or in the dining hall with the others watching our interactions. Of course one would insert themselves and steal our thunder but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I could listen to you speak all day.” He admits leaning our heads together once again letting his vulnerable side show in this moment. He has shown it many times with me and every time I can’t help but do my best to memorize every single moment even if it’s only fleeting.

“My voice would grow hoarse.”

“And yet I would still listen and when you can’t speak I will still be near.” He replies swiftly throwing me for a loop, it usually takes him a moment to think of what to say and now he knew exactly how to respond. With words that left me stumped and flustered more than normal.

I pull away and look into his eyes with a furrow in my brows, “now it is you who has a way with words.”

He laughs at my response and continues our dance. There is nothing but our breath and footsteps creating the music around us. Music would do nothing but pull us away from our own thoughts that run wild in the intimate moment that I can’t quite understand is doing to my emotions. “Would you like to see your dress?”

“No,” I reply simply.

“Why not?” His brows furrow as his spins me around in front of him.

“I know it is beautiful because it is you who made it.” My words catch him off guard and I can only tell by the way he only slightly loses his footing. 

He again clears his throat before regaining his footing and meeting my eyes. “Why do you think that?”

I send a smile his way and grip onto him a little tighter hoping he can feel my emotions through my touch. The emotions I can’t quite understand fully myself. “I always follow you because I know that whatever you see fit for my eyes to lay upon must be beautiful in your eyes and I wish to appreciate all the things you find worthy.”

“Yourself?” He asks quickly looking into my eyes more seriously and pulling me slightly closer.

My head tilts slightly to the side quickly, “what about myself?”

Our movements slow as the dance reaches its end. “I find you beautiful.”

The blush I had just cleared my face of rises once again and I can’t help but lean into his chest to hide away. He chuckles at my response and rubs my back to soothe any embarrassment I might be feeling. “And I appreciate myself maybe not as much as I appreciate you and the others but enough.”

“Appreciate is not the word I would use.” Our dance ends and we just hold each other close as we finish our conversation.

“What word would you use then?” I ask and start to pull myself away but he refuses to let me go pulling me in closer.

“Admire, adore, treasure, the list goes on.” He admits.

“Then I do ado-“

“Ah there you are! I have been looking for you!”

[hwalyn]

sweeter than candy ➛ five years old

prev | masterlist | seventy three

SYNOPSIS! the universe probably hated her, why else would moon be partnered with a guy who cannot stand her for her midterm oh and add in the fact that he thinks she’s bullying his friends, well one can hope for the best.

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[gimmie-a-sammich]

Between Two Thorns | Chapter 5 | A Perfectly Executed Plan

Pairings: Mafia!Ateez x Fem!Original Character, Mafia!??? x Fem!Original Character, Mafia!Jeongin (I.N) x Fem!Original Character, feat Stray Kids

Genre: (18+ Minors DNI) Mafia au, smut, angst, fluff

Summary: After an unforeseeable event, Amelia Lee finds herself torn between love and loyalty. What will her choice be? Her twin brother and the only family she's ever know? Or the man she never expected to fall in love with? Every decision, though, comes with a price.

Chapter Warnings: lies, gaslighting, deception, planning of murder, discussions of murder, steamy lil makeout

Word Count: 9.7 k

read here on AO3

Between Two Thorns masterlist

previous chapter | next chapter

**

Surprisingly, three weeks went by much more quickly and comfortably then Amelia would like to admit. In that time, she had gotten answers to a surprising amount of questions thanks primarily to Yunho, Mingi, and Hongjoong. 

They had been watching her since finding Junyoung’s body. Amelia kicked herself for not noticing them, cursing how she knew she felt eyes watching her beyond the bodyguards. Not only that, they took random shifts monitoring Felix and the others to figure out if they were plotting anything further against Fever. Even with Amelia’s sneaky questioning, nobody probed her further about Oddinary. Amelia wouldn’t have answered even if they had. 

The most interesting piece of information, though, was how Jongho became the night janitor at the gallery. Thanks to him, they knew when all of Amelia’s meetings were and had quickly decided that the gallery would be the easiest place to take her. By sheer luck it happened to be the day Amelia insisted that it only be Chan with her. She hated that Felix had been right all along and wondered how the day could have played out differently had Changbin also been there. But it was neither here nor there at this point. 

Now, she needed to focus on her role of sweet Amelia, the Oddinary girl who easily accepted her fate without a second thought. It seemed to be working in her favor, although not all of her behavior was as forced as she thought it would be. 

Mingi was near Amelia as much as possible. Most days it was him who checked on her in the mornings and came to get her when she chose to leave the room. In the times she didn’t leave, she often had his company, but only if Amelia wanted it. They had already finished Tokyo Ghoul and began the daunting task of restarting One Piece from the beginning. Amelia ignored the throw away comment of how much time they had to work their way through it. But, for some reason she couldn’t help but enjoy the time she spent with him, finding it easy to be in his presence. Unbeknownst to her, he also wanted to keep an eye on her because of Hongjoong, noticing the man’s extra attention on her. 

With the amount of time she spent with Mingi, it was no surprise that she spent nearly as much time with Yunho. Again, she didn’t mind his presence. The jokes between Mingi and him made her smile, reminding her of the relationship Han and Minho shared. She never minded having both of them sprawled out on her floor while she sat curled in the oversized armchair focusing on the TV or a book. 

Wooyoung spoiled her endlessly by coming home nearly everyday with a new article of clothing, trinket, or something he thought she would like. He was endearing and desperately wanted Amelia to like him. He even asked what her favorite foods were to add them to his meal rotation and made sure that whenever he cooked she had the option to watch him. After a week she finally trusted him enough to not have San and Mingi try her food first, although San in particular still snuck the first few bites with a teasing smile. 

San also offered her the same meek apology as Mingi for being one of the primary kidnappers a few days after Amelia ‘settled’ in. She accepted it the same way she did Mingi’s, laced with sass but sincerity, directing most of her internal anger at Yeosang. He continued to be playful with her, half joking about giving her self defense lessons so she’d be able to put up a better fight. Somehow Amelia kept in her smart ass remark and instead rolled her eyes dramatically. 

Jongho started on the more reserved side with Amelia, typically only interacting with her during meals. Amelia couldn’t exactly pinpoint when the shift happened. It was subtle, just Jongho asking more questions, taking extra time to speak with her, even walking her back to room after meals if she didn’t want to stay and interact with everyone. Eventually the two easily conversed, getting to the point that Jongho would come to Amelia’s room simply to sit and talk.

Seonghwa more or less left Amelia to her own devices initially. Rarely was he the one to check on her in the mornings or throughout the day. Until the day he saw Amelia sitting on her balcony early in the morning, completely ignoring the frigid November air and the frost beneath a blanket. He never expected her to accept his request to join her, even if he did bring a cup of coffee as an impromptu peace offering. While Seonghwa agreed with the plan to take Amelia, it didn’t overshadow his uneasy feelings about the long term effects of Amelia living with them. Of course he didn’t express these concerns with her, but he found the silence between them oddly comforting. Soon it became a routine for them since Amelia often sat in the cold when she couldn’t sleep. 

However, the early mornings with Seonghwa cut into her late nights with Hongjoong. He fell perfectly into her trap. After the fifth day he snuck into her room, a routine he followed most nights. Those evenings were filled with lustful kisses and empty promises. In the daylight, Hongjoong continued to steal touches beneath the table when they sat next to each other, reminding Amelia of the early days with Jeongin. Each lingering brush and touch of lips was just another step closer to getting back to her true family. 

The only person Amelia rarely saw was Yeosang, not that it bothered her much or even at all. In reality, she enjoyed his absence. Whenever he was around Amelia found it harder to be agreeable, especially since he found a way to provoke her with a simple glance. Unlike the other seven, Amelia never had alone time with him. They passed infrequently, typically only during meals. Yeosang preferred to stay in his office or to leave the house entirely, often with the company of Avery. 

On this particular morning, however, Amelia and Seonghwa sat in her room due to the sleeting rain pounding against the windows. It was early, far too early for the rest of the house to be awake. Again, they sat in comfortable silence, casually sipping their respective beverages.

Lost in her thoughts, Amelia stared absently out the window, watching the droplets splatter against the glass. She missed her family. On a day like this she would either lose herself in a painting or be snuggled up with Hyunjin on the couch having some form of marathon. Or, more recently, she would be laid in bed with Jeongin, neither wanting to leave the warmth of the other’s arms and the blankets they were wrapped in. 

She wondered just what Felix and the others were doing, how the presumed plan to get her back was going. Her own plan seemed to be going seamlessly, even if she did feel a pang of guilt each time her lips met Hongjoong’s. It was easy to silence, however. Amelia’s ability to keep her emotions in check in times such as these was unmatched but most. Yet through this it made her question her feelings for Jeongin more. While she missed his presence, it was no more than the rest of them, with the exception of Hyunjin and Felix of course. And for that reason alone is why she felt a knot in her stomach each time she met with Hongjoong.

Amelia felt guilty for her lack of guilt- because she didn’t miss Jeongin in the same capacity she knew he surely missed her.

“What’s on your mind, Amelia?” 

Turning to Seonghwa, Amelia smiled softly, tucking her legs to the side to curl up further in the armchair. “Don’t you think a better question would be ‘What isn’t on your mind, Amelia?’” she retorted. 

He shook his head, the long black tresses swishing slightly. Seonghwa had been watching Amelia intently and noticed the smallest echo of sadness cross her face. Often he studied her, analyzing the smallest expressions she made in an attempt to crack her exterior. While Amelia had opened herself up to them to an extent, Seonghwa suspected that there was much more playing through her thoughts than gratitude for a fully furnished room and comfort.

“Okay, then, Amelia. What isn’t on your mind?” Seonghwa rephrased, raising an eyebrow from behind his mug.  

Through her sip, Seonghwa easily made out the small smirk through her eyes. “Are you trying to learn all my secrets, Seonghwa?” 

“Only if you’re willing to share.”

Her eyes sparkled, smirk widening before she returned her attention to the window. “And ruin the mystery of who is Amelia Lee? Plus, I’m sure you guys know most of my secrets since you followed me around for how long.” 

Often Amelia snuck in snide comments about the events leading up to the kidnapping and the act itself. It was her way of letting them know she wasn’t brushing it entirely under the rug despite her outward acceptance of her new home. And just like every other time, it sent a rush of guilt through Seonghwa, if only briefly. 

“I do know I haven’t seen you pick up anything art related since you've been here.” 

“What can I say, nothing has inspired me. Still pretty upset that a certain kidnapping ruined my biggest showing to date.” 

Seonghwa frowned. It wasn’t the first time Amelia brought up her ruined showing. Quickly he shifted into a meek smile in an attempt to comfort her. “You can sketch me?” 

That exact thought had crossed Amelia’s mind a couple mornings ago. Seonghwa was beautiful. His facial structure and slender body made him a dream model. Yet nothing about this house fostered her creativity. It did help that her mind was otherwise occupied on more pressing matters. 

She took another sip. “The lighting isn’t the best.”

Rolling his eyes, Seonghwa stood and went towards Amelia’s desk, ignoring all the excuses she threw at him. All the art supplies Wooyoung bought lay untouched, still in the same way he organized them.  “Pencil? Charcoal? Pastels?” 

“Charcoal, I guess,” Amelia mumbled, adjusting herself in the chair to look back at him. 

Triumphantly, Seonghwa grabbed the materials and one of the larger sketchbooks. “How should I sit?” he asked when he handed them to her.

Amelia thought for a moment. “Right how you were… with the coffee mug.” 

He obliged, resuming his original position on the couch, clutching the mug loosely between his hands. “Like this?” 

With a sigh, Amelia stood up. Now that the thought of drawing was on her mind, she had to do it correctly. So she went to Seonghwa, adjusting his messy black hair and positioning him just the way she liked. They were small adjustments. The angle of his head. A slight tilt to his chin. Raising the level of the cup. A shift of his fingers along the porcelain. She studied the scene intently, taking a step back after each tweak to take it in entirely. 

“You really are a professional, aren’t you?” Seonghwa teased when Amelia leaned back in to brush back a particularly troublesome piece of his bangs. 

“You should see me with a camera,” she huffed. “Do you think you can sit still enough for me to at least get an outline?”

“We have all morning,” he smiled at the implied concern of his comfortability.

Although she didn’t want to admit it, having the charcoal in her hand felt nice. The texture, the weight, the way the tip glided over the thick paper made Amelia feel a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in weeks. She lost herself in the subtle strokes and the attention to every single detail of Seonghwa. His slender fingers, the way his bangs perfectly framed his face, and the far off expression in his eyes while he looked out the window. 

At first they barely spoke, even with Seonghwa asking questions sporadically. Nothing major, just little probes for information about her art. What was her favorite medium? Did she prefer photography over drawing and painting? When did she first become interested in art? 

Surprisingly, Amelia answered them willingly and easily. Pastels. Depended on the subject. When she was seven, but knew it was her passion by eleven. Then conversation followed seamlessly between them. Without even meaning to, Seonghwa cracked Amelia’s armor slightly. And even Amelia didn’t realize how she let a sliver of the real her out into the open. 

Of course, he was the perfect model, barely moving an inch despite their shared laughs and now constant talking. Just as she suspected, his sharp features transitioned smoothly on the paper, nearly as striking as they were on his body. 

“Amelia?” A knock on the door almost made Amelia jump, but thankfully the pencil was nowhere near her sketchbook. Mingi poked his head through the door, looking confused. “Am I interrupting something?” 

“No,” Amelia shook her head, returning back to the sketch. “But, Hwa, you can move now if you want.” She had most of the larger things finished well enough that he no longer needed to sit still. 

He stretched slightly and set the now empty mug on the floor in front of him, smiling at the fact Amelia called him Hwa for the first time. Maybe he had broken her down a little more than he anticipated.  “No interruption, Mingi, just Amelia finally showing her artistic side.”

Rolling her eyes, Amelia’s focus returned to getting the details of Seonghwa’s eyes and nose perfect. Mingi came behind her chair, leaning down to take a look at the sketch. For how little she had been working, he was amazed at the detail and how beautiful the piece already was.

“Wow,” Mingi half whispered, awestruck. Somehow she captured Seonghwa perfectly- the bone structure of his profile, the distant look in his eyes, even the details in his fingers. “When do I get the model spot, Millie?” 

“Millie?” she twisted around to look at him with a smirk. 

Red rolled through Mingi’s cheeks. “Uh, sorry,” he mumbled, instantly straightening up and running a hand through his hair. “Slipped.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes flicked between the two. Mingi had taken to calling her Millie a few days ago, but until now had only used it among the group. Yeosang hated it immediately, but the others had also intermittently used it in conversations far away from Amelia’s ears. However, she appeared amused at the nickname, a mischievous smile blooming at the sight of Mingi’s flushed face. 

“I like it,” she hummed, although she was thankful he didn’t call her Lia. She knew the Fever crew heard Oddinary’s nicknames for her- Lia, princess, and Jeongin’s favorite, angel. How could they not? Yet none of them had been used in her presence. It would have felt like a slap in the face, another harsh hit of reality that she was away from the people she loved most. Millie was at least something new. Coming from Mingi, though, the nickname seemed genuine, a result of the relatively true friendship that developed over the past weeks. 

Mingi exhaled loudly, releasing the worry that his slip up would somehow set Amelia off. “Well good.”

“Since you called me Hwa, does this mean I also get to call you Millie?” Seonghwa laughed.

Her gaze shot to him, scrunching her face. “It slipped,” she echoed Mingi’s excuse, “but I suppose so.” 

“I came up here to see if you wanted breakfast,” Mingi added. “Wooyoung made waffles…”

Waffles. Hyunjin. Amelia’s hand on the pencil faltered at the memory of her last normal morning, but thankfully she didn’t smudge the sketch. Her facade faltered just the same, long enough that both Mingi and Seonghwa noticed the change in demeanor. It was subtle, yes, but the sadness in her eyes and clenched jaw were unmistakable. Seonghwa’s brow furrowed and he leaned forward to study her expression while Mingi moved to the side of the armchair.

“Millie?” Mingi asked softly, crouching beside her.

But Amelia quickly composed herself, making Seonghwa and Mingi both question if they imagined the change entirely. “Breakfast sounds great, actually.” She stood abruptly, taking the sketchbook back to the desk. “Once I’m finished, I’ll show you the final result, Seonghwa,” she added, making a point to use his full name, before disappearing into the closet. 

Smiling meekly, Seonghwa collected both his and Amelia’s mugs. “Can’t wait. Thanks for letting me push you into sketching me.” Before leaving, he squeezed Mingi’s arm, a silent way of telling him to figure out just what happened. 

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Mingi asked from the doorway.

“Nothing,” she mumbled, voice muffled from inside the hoodie she was in the process of pulling on. One of Mingi’s, to be exact. 

“You know…” Mingi cautiously began, “you don’t have to be so stoney with me. You can tell me how you feel. I know this entire thing is fucked and-”

“And what exactly do you want to hear, Mingi?” Amelia couldn’t help but snap. “You’re right, this entire thing is fucked. But you will never hear my feelings about it.” 

In her frustration she threw her hair up in a messy bun, needing the long blonde strands off her neck. The room suddenly felt stifling and Mingi’s worried expression at her blow up didn’t help the heat blooming through her body. For once, she let some of her frustrations show. At least it was only in front of Mingi and not any other resident of the house. 

“It’s okay for you to miss them,” he said quietly, his gaze softening as Amelia’s exasperation increased.  “You can act like everything is fine with everyone else, just don’t feel like you have to be that way with me. I don’t want you to be that way with me.” Towards the end, his voice tapered to a soft whisper. All he wanted was Amelia to feel comfortable with him, to open up enough so she could find some sense of safety in him. 

Her hazel eyes pierced through him, that small flicker of sadness creeping through. But Mingi held firm while Amelia worked through her thoughts. There was something different with Mingi than the others, an underlying comfortability she couldn’t quite pin down. Maybe it was the way he spoke to her, how he always asked what was on his mind and didn’t hold her at arm’s length like most of the others. 

“And whatever we talk about… your thoughts, feelings, whatever goes through that pretty little head of yours… well I promise you that it will stay between us. I just don’t think it’s healthy for you to keep everything bottled in,” Mingi added, still unmoving. “Or do you just have some unresolved beef with waffles?” 

With that sentence alone Amelia finally understood what made Mingi so different. He reminded her of Hyunjin. It made sense- why she felt more comfortable with him, the ease at which she felt with him in the short amount of time they’ve been together. Maybe she could open up to him, at least slightly. Maybe it would make the lies flow more easily. It’s not like she would be here much longer anyway, at least if she had it her way.

“Waffles are my favorite,” she averted her gaze, staring at the throngs of hanging clothes. “It just reminded me of…” she paused, dipping her head slightly,  “well, when things were at least a little normal. That’s all.” 

He remained in the doorway, but this time with a hint of a smile on his face. “More specific than that.” 

Her glare this time was much less piercing, but the sigh much more exasperated. “Why are you suddenly wanting to become my therapist, Mingi?”

“Not your therapist, just your friend.”

“Fine,” she succumbed, taking a step in his direction but ignoring the friend portion of the statement. “It made me think of Hyunjin. Happy?” 

His smile widened as Amelia walked by, completely ignoring her scowl. “I guess it’s a start, Mil. Do you want to go eat with everyone, or do you want me to bring some up for you?”

Shaking her head, Amelia continued towards the door with Mingi in tow. “I think some time outside the room could do me well.” 

Mingi dramatically flashed a bow with a wide grin when they reached the door. With how many times Amelia already rolled her eyes he was surprised she still managed another one as she passed. Although their walk was silent, it was a comfortable one for both. It followed them until they neared the kitchen where Wooyoung’s unmistakable laughter echoed through the house, so shrill it pierced through the pounding rain. The smell of baked goods also wafted in their direction, making the pang in Amelia’s stomach reappear. 

She quickly shook it away when she entered the entirely full kitchen and dining area. All seven either sat around the countertop, table, or meandered about the kitchen. The knot reappeared at the sight of Yeosang lounging against the granite counter, smiling and laughing at something Yuhno and San were saying. The smile immediately disappeared when he saw her walk in with Mingi. 

“You could at least put on clothes when you leave your room,” Yeosang said as he scanned her up and down, eyes lingering on her bare legs. 

“Because I would really walk down here without pants… what type of girl do you take me for?” Amelia retorted, making a show of lifting up the hem of the hoodie so her shorts could be seen before she sat down beside Yunho. Mingi’s hoodie just happened to swallow her whole, fitting more like an oversized dress than anything. 

He rolled his eyes. “The type of girl who would do just that, Amelia Lee.” 

“Sorry for taking the advice of everyone and getting comfortable here.” 

“You really are the bane of my existence,” he muttered, unfortunately still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Amelia couldn’t help scoffing. “Well, you so kindly invited me into it. I simply couldn’t refuse the offer. Oh wait…” Next to her, Mingi elbowed her while Yunho sighed. 

This was how every interaction between the two unfolded. Every word laced with irritation, every glance annoyed. The air in the room instantly shifted, becoming heavy and uncomfortable for everyone with their incessant bickering. The two glared at each other and argued for a beat longer before Jongho audibly cleared his throat, snapping away Yeosang’s attention. Amelia took him turning away first as a win. 

“I’m going to the office,” Yeosang said suddenly, grabbing his mug and moving to leave the kitchen. 

“It’s the weekend?” Wooyoung turned around, spatula still in hand. “And you haven’t even eaten yet.” 

“Not to mention all you do lately is work. What more could you have to do?” Seonghwa added. 

Whenever Yeosang stayed home he either locked himself in his office or in his room with the company of Avery. More often than not he left the house entirely, choosing to go to one of the businesses or doing something with Avery. Always he said he was working when in reality he wanted to avoid Amelia at all costs.

Yeosang didn’t bother turning around or answering them, striding out of the kitchen and out of sight.

The awkward atmosphere remained, but Wooyoung returned his attention to the waffle maker and Seonghwa offered to help in whatever way he could. 

“Has Avery not been doing him right lately? He’s been more of an ass than usual.” San took it upon himself to break the lingering tension, but earned him a smack from Hongjoong nonetheless. “WHAT!? We’ve all noticed it. Something must be-”

“Why are we so obsessed with Yeosang’s sex life?” Jongho asked. 

Amelia zoned out for the remainder of the conversation, especially when Seonghwa placed another mug of coffee in front of her and gave her an apologetic smile. She didn’t want to hear about his abrupt change in behavior over the past two weeks, how everyone assumed it had to do with something between him and Avery. 

Whenever Amelia and Yeosang were in the same room for more than a minute everything seemed to focus on him when he eventually left. It was no secret that the two despised each other. While Amelia was outwardly pleasant with the other members, she found it impossible to be kind to him, even if it was all fake. The two irked each other to no end, both knowing the easiest way to get under the other’s skin. It was simple enough- just their presence was enough to send the other over the ledge.

Yet she couldn’t keep her mind off him for long. Even she had noticed that he’d become sharper with her, choosing to engage with her more instead of walking away with a scowl. His stares became more intense, jaw more clenched each time they locked eyes.

Mingi nudging her took her out of her daydream. “Millie,” the tap on her thigh was light, just as light as Mingi’s voice in her ear. “You good?” 

She’d been so in her own head trying to get Yeosang out of it and failing that she didn’t notice Wooyoung giving her a plate loaded with waffles and fruit, nor the look of worry on the chef’s face when she didn’t respond to him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” she furrowed her brow before smiling, “just in my own thoughts again.”

“Ah, are we back to ‘what aren’t you thinking of?’ time?” Seonghwa teased. Now that everyone had a plate of food in front of them he took the seat beside Mingi.

“Clearly,” Wooyoung pointed his fork at her, not caring about his full mouth. “I didn’t even get a thank you for yet another meal I slaved over.” 

Amelia took a bite of the fluffy waffle, mixing it with a piece of one of the many berries. It was delicious, much like everything she’d eaten of Wooyoung’s so far. But it gave her a bittersweet feeling. Still, she smiled while she chewed, not wanting to draw anymore attention to herself than she already had since Mingi, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung all stared at her. Yunho, Jongho, and San were having their own conversation, too occupied on that to notice Amelia’s spaced out look. Hongjoong participated in it some, but his eyes would constantly flick across to hers while he tried deducing what plagued her thoughts.

“It’s delicious Wooyoung,” she hummed. “But why is it ‘let's call out Amelia at breakfast’ time?” 

“Because you make it so damn easy, Millie,” Yunho’s head shot over with a grin.

“Go back to your own conversation, damn it,” Amelia laughed. “And now you’re on the Millie train, too? I should’ve charged for tickets.” 

Yunho shrugged. “Figured since Ming said it out loud we could all use it.” 

“I guess I can grant you all the privilege.”

The remainder of breakfast went by easily without any further hiccup. Yeosang didn’t make another appearance in the kitchen. Hongjoong kindly offered to take him a plate once he finished his. He was the first to filter out, followed by others in steady succession. Each had their agenda for the day. Wooyoung and Seonghwa were going out into the city, running casual errands that would surely result in a bag from some high end boutique for Amelia. San, Yunho and Hongjoong had ‘business’ to attend to later in the afternoon. What exactly that entailed was a mystery to Amelia, but she didn’t care enough to ask any questions. Even Mingi and Jongho had to leave the house for something, but neither said much regarding their plans. 

It left Amelia on her own for the majority of the day, giving her time to finish the sketch of Seonghwa. It ended up being cathartic, and before she realized she had started sketching aimlessly. Everything from random small flowers and random shrubbery, pieces of furniture around the room, and elements she remembered from around the house. Finally she settled on staring out the rain spattered window, sketching everything from the pane, each individual icy droplet, and scenery outside. 

It distracted her in the best way possible, not allowing a single thought towards Yeosang, her escape, or the underlying sadness in her heart.

The distraction faded when Seonghwa and Wooyoung came to her room shortly after lunch time, toting a plate of food and a bag, just as she anticipated. The smiles on both their faces were blinding when they gave her the gift. Amelia’s eyes lit up when she opened it despite hoping she would never have the chance to use it. 

A camera, and a good one at that. Seonghwa simply stated that he remembered Amelia saying he should see her with a camera and wanted to to exactly that. With Wooyoung’s help he picked out the perfect one, giving it to her with the expectation that he would be her first model when the snow truly hit. She took that opportunity to show him the finished product of their morning sketch. Of course, he loved it. He and Wooyoung both gushed over it. At Amelia’s insistence, though, they both left her at peace. She had quite enjoyed the quiet of the day and was not willing to give that up yet. 

So they did just that, relaying the message to the others that Amelia wanted space. For once, everyone listened, not even disturbing her for dinner beyond asking if she wanted to join them. When she declined, stating she wasn’t very hungry, Mingi brought her up some snacks. She ignored his worried questioning, but with what he knew about missing Hunjin he figured it best not to press her anymore.

Her peace and quiet continued deep into the evening. Amelia lounged on her bed, teetering somewhere between sleep and alertness. The rain never stopped, but even the steady thumps couldn’t lull her to sleep. Although she tossed and turned, it was the faint click of her door closing that completely snapped her awake. She quickly flicked on the bedside lamp to find Hongjoong smiling at her.

“Hey,” Amelia said softly, sitting up in her bed with a small smile. 

Hongjoong walked towards the bed slowly, crawling into Amelia’s open arms. It was an easy role for her to slip into at this point, one she could without a second thought. This was all simply a means to an end, an end that would hopefully be coming soon. 

Hongjoong nuzzled into her neck, placing soft kisses along her throat and jaw. “I barely saw you today…” 

She responded by running her fingers through his blonde hair, scratching lightly against his scalp. “Someone was busy all afternoon and evening.”

“I can’t help that I had… other obligations. And I heard someone stayed in her room all day.” He pulled back slightly, looking deep into her eyes with a small smirk. “But Amelia, my evenings are always reserved for you lately.” 

The kiss was slow, just like they always started. There was always an ounce of hesitation when their lips first met, opting for soft pecks that were often interrupted by Hongjoong’s smile. Something about this evening felt different, their actions towards each other more measured, more intentful. Hongjoong carefully lowered his weight against her until their bodies were flush together, only separated by their respective hoodies. 

Amelia hissed when one of his hands slid beneath hers, his chilled fingertips shooting shivers across her side. He stroked her skin carefully before his hand found purchase on her rib cage, thumb stroking just below her breast. Tentatively, his tongue ran across her lip, subtly asking for access that Amelia willingly granted. Their tongues looped together still with that same lingering hesitation before turning into something more heated, more desperate. 

Turning her mind off further, Amelia clung to him wildly, pulling his body impossibly closer. When her fingers teased along his side, Hongjoong shivered, even more so when the ghosting brushes swooped along his toned torso, running dangerously lower towards the waistband of his sweats. But Hongjoong’s hand snapped around her wrist, stopping her teasing motions that she had no intention of taking further. Despite playing into this fabricated fantasy, Amelia’s plan never involved her actually sleeping with Hongjoong. She solely wanted to work him up, for him to beg for her. Based on his needy whines and whimpers, it was working.

“Amelia,” Hongjoong mumbled, nuzzling his nose against hers. His shoulders heaved with breathy pants, each one sending a rush of hot air onto Amelia’s already flushed skin as he kissed her skin and jaw, trailing them down her exposed throat. “We can’t… not here. You know this.”

Her heart raced, not because of his need for her, but because this could be her chance. She just needed to convince him that a chance with her was worth any risk. 

Lovingly, she cupped his cheek, redirecting his hazy eyes back to her and doing everything in her power to appear sincere. “Joong…” she whispered, capturing his lips once again. When she pulled back he chased her, wanting to feel her plush lips on his again. He settled for applying more wet, needy brushes anywhere he could when Amelia kept lips just out of reach.  Even Amelia couldn’t deny just how good Hongjoong felt even if it was a lie, letting out the smallest moan when he drug his tongue against the sweet spot on her neck. “What if we could?” 

Hongjoong didn’t pause his ministrations. His hold on her became more possessive, his fingertips digging into her ribcage. Subconsciously he rolled his hips, searching for the smallest bit of friction to ease the hardness in his sweats. Amelia needed to cut this off, and quickly, before things got out of hand. 

“What if,” Amelia continued on, tugging gently at his hair to pull him away from her neck, “what if we could be together, outwardly?”

“We can’t. Not here… it would never work, despite how much I want you” Hongjoong sighed, trying to reconnect his mouth to Amelia’s. His pursuit was denied by Amelia providing pressure against his chest. His brows furrowed and he lifted his body from hers entirely, supporting himself on his forearm now instead. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking,” she sat up further, taking her swollen lower lip between her teeth and looking at Hongjoong through her eyelashes, “that there’s a way you and I can be together, free from the constraints of this house.” 

“Amelia… we’d both be dead. I would be dead.”

She caressed his face to soothe him, running her thumb along his pouted lips softly. The way he leaned into her touch only confirmed just how desperate he was for her, especially when those plush lips kissed and wrapped themselves around the tip of her thumb. It gave her the perfect opportunity to drag his lip downward. Hongjoong was exactly where she wanted him.

“Not necessarily, baby,” Amelia mused. She used every bit of her sensuality to her advantage, lightly kissing the spots she learned drove him mad. “We can leave. Felix-”

“Felix would kill me where I stood.” The sternness in his voice frightened Amelia slightly, but she trudged through, unwilling to let this moment pass.

“Baby, Felix would welcome you with open arms for bringing me back to him,” she kept her voice as light as possible. “And then you and I… we could be together like we so clearly want to be.”

“And what about Jeongin?”

It took everything in Amelia not to crack. This was the first time Hongjoong brought up Jeongin, and hearing his name had more of an impact on Amelia than she would ever want to admit. Taking Hongjoong’s chin into her fingers she commanded his attention. The way he looked at her, fearful of her answer, made her heart thump harder in her chest. “If Jeongin meant anything to me I wouldn’t be here with you.”

The lie pained her. While she had long since come to terms with her feelings towards Jeongin, she did care for him even if it wasn’t to the same extent he did her. Regardless, Hongjoong bought the lie, pulling Amelia into him for a heated kiss.

“Okay,” he breathed when they finally parted.

Thoughts whirled through Amelia’s head. Had she heard him correctly? Was this okay to her request, or simply an acknowledgement regarding Jeongin? 

“Okay?” Amelia echoed.

Nodding, Hongjoong cupped her cheek. “I’ve already gone against everything I’ve stood for by wanting you. So, Amelia, my beautiful, beautiful Amelia… let’s go.” With a tug, he pulled the two of them off the bed. “You’re worth the risk.”

She laced their hands together, smiling. Not wanting to appear too eager, she let him take the lead, pulling her towards the door. Before he opened it, he placed his index finger against his lips, a reminder to be quiet sneaking through the house. 

The thumping rain against the windows and roof added another safeguard, drowning out their already muffled steps further. Neither bothered with grabbing anything extra, not even a coat, only slipping on a pair of shoes at the entryway before shuffling into the garage.

Hongjoong pulled her to one of the cars, opening up the passenger door for Amelia. Rounding the car quickly, he sat in the driver's seat before cursing to himself.

“What’s wrong?” Amelia asked, instantly filled with worry. 

“No keys,” he mumbled, unbuckling the seatbelt and reopening the car door. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart… don’t move,” he added with a wink. 

Once Hongjoong disappeared back into the house, Amelia let out a large sigh of relief. It worked. Her escape was imminent. What surprised her, though, was the faint bubbling of guilt for leading Hongjoong to what was surely his death. If Felix and the rest of Oddinary had it their way the rest of Fever would quickly be following him to the grave, a fact she knew well. 

But Amelia’s worry grew when Hongjoong’s absence became longer, jumping when the locks clicked in the car. Something was off. Her wide eyes shot to the door, finding Hongjoong casually leaned against the frame, looking down at her with a devilish smile paired with that demonic glint she always knew hid within his eyes. Yeosang walked past him, gaze fixed on Amelia. 

Heart racing, she looked for anything in the car that could be of use towards her, finding nothing. When the driver’s door opened and reshut, she turned slowly to face the man beside her.

Yeosang stared with nothing but malice in his eyes. “Time for a drive, Amelia.” 

She reached blindly for the door handle, pushing against it with all her might, even throwing her entire body weight against it. It was useless. 

“No, we don’t need to. I didn’t-” Amelia attempted to bargain. For the first time she let fear show, her voice and hands trembling, pushing her back against the door to place distance between herself and Yeosang. She’d been caught, something she hadn’t accounted for once when devising her plan to seduce Hongjoong. 

But Yeosang didn’t want to hear her petty excuses, cutting her off. “Do you take me for a fool? I know exactly what type of games you like to play- always using your beauty and charms to your advantage. What a shame I beat you. Did you actually think Hongjoong fell for you? That he’d whisk you away back to your brother? You’re not nearly as intelligent as you think you are. Unfortunately for you, you played right into my hand.” After clicking the garage door opener, he shifted the car into reverse. “And that means it’s time for a drive.” 

The sound of his seatbelt clicking was deafening. Amelia jumped, only putting on hers after another demanding glare from Yeosang. A million thoughts rolled through her head, each one more frantic than the next. She knew what Yeosang’s threat was, and just how real it could be. 

While Amelia struggled to maintain her composure, chest heaving and heart pounding, Yeosang remained eerily calm with one hand draped over the steering wheel, the other lounging on the center console. Not once did his eyes leave the road. Each stop light reflected dangerously across his face, highlighting his hardened glare. It was a stark contrast to the way the city lights and signs reflected off the icy puddle in the streets.  Amelia did her best to focus ahead and level her breathing, counting silently in her head. Her heart thumped wildly against her chest, fingernails digging into her hands so firmly they left jagged crescents and threatened to draw blood if she applied any more pressure. The only sound between them was the hard splattering of rain against the windshield and Amelia’s shallow breaths. 

Each turn only made her more nauseous, easily recognizing the cityscape despite the rain. She hoped that Yeosang bluffed, that he was simply exerting control over her to scare her into submission. But as they pulled into the parking lot of their destination, Amelia realized just how wrong she was.

Once Yeosang found a parking space and turned off the engine, he twisted to face Amelia head on. He loved what he saw in front of him- Amelia scared, traces of tears pooling along her long lashes.

“Now, I thought my terms were quite simple,” he said lowly, gaze not wavering, “If you try to escape, Hyunjin dies first.” From the center console, he pulled out a pistol and silencer. “Now, we’re going into his apartment and you’re going to watch as I shoot your best friend while he sleeps.” 

Without thinking, Amelia grasped onto Yeosang’s wrist in desperation, tears streaming down her face. This threat was in fact, very real and the severity of it hit like a ton of bricks. The look on Yeosang’s face and the black firearm only proved how serious he was. She would never be able to live with herself if Hyunjin died because of her stupidity and ego. Never before had she been slapped with a consequence so intense. “No, please. Don’t. You don’t have to.” 

Yeosang glared at her, the corner of his mouth twitching into a ruthless smirk. Amelia continued to sob, begging and pleading for him to spare Hyunjin. He kept his cold eyes on her tear stricken face, loving how the wetness reflected in the streetlights and the console lighting. Her entire body trembled with her desperation and fear. And Yeosang adored it. 

But he wasn’t going to give in to her so easily. “Now, Amelia, we can’t have you thinking you can always have your way, now can we? Actions have consequences. What a spectacular one this will be.”

The sobs wracking her body doubled when Yeosang moved to pull away. He was surprised by the strength in her grip, her fingernails digging into his arm harshly to hold him in place. “Yeosang please. Don’t do this. I’m begging you. I’ll be good. I won’t try to play you again, I won’t ever try to-”

She was halted by Yeosang’s fingers pinching her chin. He studied her intently, memorizing every freckle on her tearstained face, shifting it side to side so the wet streaks would catch in the lamp glow. Muffled sobs and pleas continued falling from her swollen lips, each sounding more desperate. Her hazel eyes flooded with tears, but they remained fixed on Yeosang. 

“You’re so pretty when you beg,” Yeosang mumbled, unknowingly letting his thumb run across her lower lip and pulling it down slightly. The thought was supposed to remain in his head, but slipped in his daze. To him she was even more stunning in this state. Surprisingly, Amelia didn’t pull away, too scared for Hyunjin’s life to move an inch, so he let his hold linger a few moments longer before finally dropping it. “Consider this your one warning. If there is a next time it’ll be both Hyunjin and Jeongin with a bullet in their head. I’ll only ask once… will there be a next time?” 

Amelia haphazardly wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, audibly sniffling while Yeosang removed the clip from the gun and bullet from the chamber, stuffing both into the pocket of his jacket before returning the gun to the center console. 

“No,” she shook her head. 

“No what?” 

Clenching her fists, Amelia swallowed more of her pride. “No, sir.”

She didn’t miss his smirk when he turned the car back on. They rode again in silence, Yeosang staring straight ahead, Amelia out the passenger window. She was in shambles, still trying to calm her emotions and form a coherent thought. She’d lost. She’d been played like a damn fool. It was something she had rarely experienced, especially not to this degree. Not knowing where to even start, she watched the cityscape flow by. Now she could only hope that Felix and the others had found a way to get her back. What she did know is she would never cross Yeosang again. 

**

The others quickly gathered in the living room once the commotion from the garage became common knowledge. It was late, but after Hongjoong messaged Yeosang letting him know that Amelia had indeed fallen for their charade he woke the others up. Killing Hyunjin would officially start a war and everyone needed to be prepared. However, Hongjoong was not prepared for the angered looks he received from the other members when he gathered them.

“You wake us all up and Yeosang isn’t even here?” Wooyoung grumbled, wiping his tired eyes. Murmurs of agreement rang through the room, each sounding just as tired. 

“Yeosang has Amelia on a drive,” Hongjoong stated. This woke everyone up.

Mingi took a step forward. “What do you mean? Why would he do that?”

Everyone saw the dark twinkle in Hongjoong’s eyes. “Well, Amelia tried to escape… using me.”

The remaining six exchanged confused glances, although Mingi’s hardened quickly. “What do you mean, using you?” Seonghwa asked. 

“When Amelia arrived Yeosang asked if I would be willing to play a role by getting close to Amelia and making it appear that I had feelings for her to see what she would do. He had an inclination that she would try and seduce one of us to escape, and he was correct. We just beat her at her own game. So they are on their way to Hyun-” 

Next thing he knew he was slammed against the wall with Mingi’s forearm pressed against his throat, ending his sentence in a gasp. Hongjoong tried to push the man off him, but Mingi used his size to his advantage, dwarfing him in every way. 

“So you fucking set her up?” Mingi spat, adding more pressure against his neck. “Do you understand how fucked that is? I knew something was going on with you two. I saw how you looked at her.” 

Before he could do anything further, San wrenched him back by the shoulders. Hongjoong sputtered to catch his breath, rubbing his tender throat. “Yeosang gave me a job, I did it. Much like how you were the one asked to overpower and kidnap her. You just like to forget your role in Amelia being here, when you were the one you carried her lifeless body into the house and tied her to the chair. You’re no better than any of us, and you’re delusional for thinking otherwise.” 

It took both Yunho and San to hold Mingi back in his rage. “You are a fuc-”

“ENOUGH!” Seonghwa bellowed, stepping in between the two. 

“Did you know, too?” Mingi snapped, doing his best to shake off the two men. Finally he succeeded, but Seonghwa stayed planted in between him and Hongjoong. “Who else fucking knew about this?”

His glare burned into everyone. Each shook their head, mumbling how they didn’t know anything about this side plan. All had the same shocked looks on their face as Mingi, although none showed as much anger as him.

Per usual, Seonghwa remained steady. “None of us knew Mingi, I can assure you of that. I think you would find that none of us would have agreed to it.” 

In truth, Seonghwa was just as angered as Mingi. While Mingi and San may be the left and right hands of Yeosang, it was often Seonghwa and Hongjoong who helped come up with the more articulate plans. However, this was one he would have vehemently opposed. Although he was just as active in the plans to take Amelia, he would never have placed her in a position to fail or place their own lives in jeopardy. They all knew that she would do everything in her power to escape. That power was essentially held in her looks, intelligence, and charms when she wanted to use them. But to set her up into using them was just cruel. 

“You expect me to believe that? Yeosang rarely makes a plan without at least running it through you two.”

“It was just the two of us,” Hongjoong affirmed. “Seonghwa didn’t know, neither did anyone else.” 

“This is…” Jongho began, running his hands through his hair, “this is a lot. When did we not make decisions as a team? Especially one that could literally start a bloodbath?”

All the others were equally confused, murmuring to one another while Mingi continued to shoot daggers at Hongjoong. This decision put all of them at risk and they weren’t even made aware of the potential consequences. 

“Because Yeosang wanted to show he was in control,” Mingi seethed. 

The slamming of a door shook all of them away from any more conversation regarding Yeosang and Hongjoong’s secret scheme. Amelia bolted through the room towards the staircase, still sniffling and trying to hide her face with tears still streaming down it. Yeosang sauntered in behind her with a smirk. 

Mingi got directly into Yeosang’s face. “Don’t go fucking near her.” It was mild in comparison to what he wanted to say and do, but his focus was on Amelia, not on giving Yeosang a piece of his mind or a punch to the jaw.

“Did you…” Yunho began tentatively once Mingi left. They all knew the terms laid out to Amelia and exactly what would happen in the event of an attempted escape. 

Yeosang shook his head, the image of the fear riddled Amelie burned into his memory. “No. Amelia became very… apologetic for her behavior. Hyunjin remains alive, at least for now.” 

“Tomorrow we need to have a meeting… I understand you’re the one in charge, but you and Hongjoong’s little stunt put everyone at risk,” Seonghwa said firmly before walking past their leader without a second glance. 

“What a night,” Wooyoung mumbled, once again rubbing his eyes. “All this drama interrupted my beauty sleep.” 

San rolled his eyes, but followed him towards the stairs. “Not the time Woo.” 

With their minds at ease that a war had not been started yet, everyone took off towards their respective bedrooms to try and get a maringal amount of sleep. Morning would quickly come and after the events of this evening there would be new hurdles to overcome, both within the group and with Amelia.

Even Hongjoong wandered back towards his room, noticing how the others ignored him completely. He couldn’t blame them for being upset, but Hongjoong did what was asked of him. His loyalty to Yeosang was unyielding, but he understood the frustration of being left in the dark. The morning meeting would hopefully clear the air, or at the very least allow everyone to get their thoughts and frustrations out. If anything, the entire situation would hopefully blow over in a few days.

Yeosang, however, remained in the living room. Adrenaline still surged through his system, sleep being the last thing on his mind. His plan had been executed perfectly. After a few moments of solitude he forced his feet to move, knowing that it would be better to continue his replay of the night within the safety of his room. Amelia clung to all his thoughts. How her tears ruined what little makeup she had on. How her body trembled with her sobs. How desperately she clung to him. How she pleaded with him. How her face looked so pretty between his fingers. How her lips felt beneath his thumb.

Futilely he tried to shake her off, especially when his thoughts shifted into something more lustful, darker. He groaned within his bed. It wasn’t the first time Amelia occupied all corners of his mind, nor would it be the last. 

Mingi was the only one who didn’t return to the comforts of his room. Instead he had taken the liberty of letting himself into Amelia’s room despite having the door slammed in his face. 

“Mingi, get the fuck out of here,” Amelia sobbed, still unable to quell them. She stood in the middle of the room, unsure of anything. “I’m sure you were all in on it. And this is what you wanted right? Me to be broken into submission.” 

He approached her slowly. “Millie-”

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Amelia,” he corrected himself. “I didn’t know… nobody else knew. I would have never agreed to this.” Steadily he moved towards her until he was able to pull her into his chest. It was the first time he had shown this type of affection towards her, but it was the one way he knew to prove his sincerity. He felt compelled to comfort her. Too tired to fight or push him away, Amelia let him hold her. “I’m staying in here tonight.” 

“The fuck you are.” Her angry words were muffled with her head cemented in his hoodie, the fabric sopping up her tears. But, she at least believed him that he didn’t know exactly what Yeosang and Hongjoong had planned for her. 

“Mil- Amelia you’re a mess. You think I’m going to leave you alone?” Mingi squeezed her tighter. “Plus, I’m not letting any of them near you. We need to talk about exactly what happened. You’re not keeping this in. I’ll sleep on your couch, but I’m not leaving, Millie.” He didn’t care that he ended up calling her Millie. 

She sniffled, but still allowed herself to remain in Mingi’s embrace. Something felt oddly soothing about his giant frame wrapped around her and for the first time her heart and breathing settled. “I played right into what they wanted. Nothing more. Nothing less.” 

“So you did try to seduce Hongjoong then? I don’t think you need me to tell you just how stupid that was.” 

“And I think it's stupid of you to think that I would try anything and everything to escape. I thought Hongjoong was playing right into my hand, coming into my room most nights… but turns out he’s a better actor than I am.”

Mingi tensed. He had no idea that Hongjoong had been sneaking into her room. He speculated there was some attraction between them solely based on their exchanges and how Hongjoong looked at her, but never would have imagined it progressed beyond that. Especially since he had given his best effort to not let them be alone.  “Amelia… just how far did this go?”

“Just makeouts.” Amelie muttered, still unable to look at him. There were moments it would have been easy to get lost into the charade, but she never allowed herself to cross that line. Looking back, Hongjoong clearly had the same thought. 

“Fuck, Mil,” Mingi sighed. “What they did wasn’t right, but you should’ve been smarter too. You are smarter than this.”

“I thought I was being smart. I thought I could save myself. Patronize me all you want, but you don’t know me,” her tone was sharper than she intended, but she didn’t care. Mingi didn’t know her. “Do you think I want to live here the rest of my life? No. I didn’t have a fucking option of being here. What I did was stupid, yeah, but I saw an opportunity and I took it. I just got beat. My own ego got the better of me, and trust me I’m fucking paying for it.”

Mingi pulled her back, tilting her chin upwards to look at her. Her hazel eyes were bright red, but most of the tears had been wiped away on his hoodie. She looked a wreck. “Did he-?” 

Amelia shook her head, eyes fluttering shut. “No, he didn’t. But the threat is still there. The scare worked. I won’t be doing something like this again. But I’m not leaving this room, nor am I going near anyone.” She pulled away entirely, suddenly needing separation from him.  “So, I know you think you’re staying here, but I need you to leave.”

“Everyone but me,” Mingi said firmly, powering through Amelia’s glare and cutting her off when she opened her mouth to argue. “I could give a shit about what you do with anyone else, but I’m not going to let you starve yourself or become a complete hermit. I can’t begin to apologize for everything that happened tonight, and it’s stupid for me to anyways because this whole thing is fucked and I know it. I know we kidnapped you, but fuck if I’m not trying to do something to make up for it.” His guilt truly came to light now, not that he made any attempt to keep it hidden. 

“I’m-”

“You’re not arguing,” Mingi stood firm. “Go take a shower and I don’t know… try to relax or something. But I’m not leaving and letting you make more dumb decisions.” 

Too tired to say anything else, Amelia simply walked into the closet and grabbed a new set of pajamas and slammed the bathroom door shut to drown away the last of her tears in the shower. Within the steady stream she let herself go, unable to tell where her tears began and the water ended. 

Mingi was sprawled on her couch when she finally returned to the bedroom after what seemed like hours. A random anime played on the TV, something for Mingi to have background noise while he waited. Amelia wasn’t all that surprised to find he ignored her demand. Neither acknowledged the other, not even when Amelia plopped down into the oversized armchair with a pillow and blanket. She curled into herself, staring blankly ahead at Pochita galavanting across the screen until exhaustion forced her into a bleak sleep.

***

Author's note-

Feels like forever and a half since I've posted anything! My plans are to get Ch17 of To Rule them All up and going, as well as finish Ch6 of Absolution here soon... and get the two other fics posted too.

Life has been crazy over here, but I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read my works.

[mi-rae07]

Kang Yeosang : Prince Of Hearts (Extra-1/2)

Pairing : Kang Yeosang (Ateez) and named character (Moon Yena)

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Synopsis : The war is now over and yena's and yeosang's nations have won. Except now yeosang is wounded, not just physically but also mentally. The screams of dying children and helpless mothers run through his mind. And he blames the empress for it, his wife who did nothing but watch as the enemy kingdom's people withered away. Is he going to love her the same way again? Or is their marriage going to be a historical tragedy?

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A/n : guess who obsessed over her own series and decided to make an extra! This one is quite long but I had to fit everything in two parts so it doesn't turn into yet another series of it's own.

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Yena : I, Moon Yena, now officially announce that the war is finally over.

The people below her cheered as loud as they can, some of them shedding tears of happiness as the children waved their little flags in pride.

Yena : our nation has gone through a lot this past year, surviving endless amounts of attack from our enemies. But we have all managed to brave through this hard time, and it will lead us to more glory as it always has. I appreciate each and every one of you for the sacrifices you have made, and I hope that the small gifts that you will be receiving from the palace soon enough can be taken as a token of appreciation from both mine, and yeosang's side. Thank you.

Yena stepped back as the people chorused a "long live the emperor and empress", a small smile visible on yena's face as she turned to face yeosang who had just finished his speech a minute before yena had started hers.

Yena : we've won, darling.

Yeosang smiled, squeezing his wife's hand as he said

Yeosang : we have, we finally have.

Yena was about to say something more when yeosang patted her hand and turned around, going over to some of the guards as he started talking about something yena didn't bother to listen. Yena shut her mouth, letting out a small noise as she stepped away from the balcony as well.

Yeosang was being different, ever since the moment yena had told him they had finally managed to kill the neighboring kingdom's ruling family completely, he had been different. Of course, he smiled at her and told her everything he always did but it didn't feel genuine anymore. It felt alien.

And yena wasn't sure she liked it.

_________________________________

Yeosang : soldier!

Yeosang ran up to the soldier who had just been hit, quickly falling on the floor as yeosang's eyes widened in horror. The enemy soldier had just cut off the man's legs.

Yeosang : o-oh.

??? : your majesty! Pl-please, please show me mercy and kill me off.

Yeosang : wh-what? No, no I can't kill my own solider-

??? : I cannot live a life without my legs, your majesty. I cannot have my wife and children see me this way, I will not be their burden. Let me die with honour, please.

Yeosang looked around, breathing heavily as the sounds of swords clashing, blood dripping and horses neighing became all too loud for him. Yeosang looked back at the soldier, raising his bow to aim right at the soldier's heart as he whispered

Yeosang : I'm so sorry.

_________________________________

Yeosang watched as the sole heir of the enemy ruling dynasty was brought towards the guillotine machine, the sounds of the 10 year old screaming and crying piercing through the damp air of the execution room. Yeosang looked over at yena who was standing beside him, her head held high and her eyes blank. She felt nothing about this, no pity at all?

Yeosang looked back at the child who was now thrashing against his bindings, the soldier lifting the blade to the highest point in order to make sure the heir was killed in one go. Yena had said this was necessary, that as long as an heir remained they would be under constant threat of being attacked in the future. But even then, did that really justify killing an innocent child?

Yeosang : y-yena.

Yena : mm?

Yeosang : this-

Yeosang flinched as the soldier suddenly let go of the blade, a squelch sound heard as the child's severed head rolled down the steps and fell right in front of yeosang's feet. Yeosang stepped back in horror, his breathing shaky as his fists clenched itself almost painfully. Yena quickly stepped in front of yeosang, kicking the head away from them as she motioned for the guards to take it away.

Yena : yeosang?

Yeosang : n-no, no let go of me.

Yena : yeosang, I'm not touching you.

Yeosang looked at yena, his eyes teary. And before yena could say anything more yeosang walked away, tears streaming down his eyes.

_______________________________

It was blood everywhere, it was blood and it was ruins. Men, lying beneath yeosang's feet with wide, dead eyes. Women, screaming as the soldiers took their husband's and son's dead bodies away from them, the children watching in silence as their father's and brother's bodies burnt in the fire. And still they continued, and still yena didn't seem to care.

She had been the one to declare the war, and yeosang had supported her decisions then. But now, watching it actually take place as yeosang kept killing and killing enemy men, yeosang wished they'd never done this.

And then yeosang looked down at his hands and it was filled with blood, his entire body was filled with blood. And then his vision turned red, his entire body feeling like it was getting shattered.

Yena : yeosang!

Yeosang gasped as he sat up straight, his hands clenching against the silk sheets of the bed he was sleeping on as he breathed heavily.

Yena : yeosang?

Yeosang flinched as he looked to his side, the sight of yena looking at him worriedly coming into his blurry view. He couldn't look at her any longer, not when the recollections he had just seen in his dream still burnt through his veins. And so yeosang stood up from the bed, folding his arms against his chest as he felt the cold wind from the open balcony rush through him.

Yena : no, wait.

Yena got up from the bed as well, rushing towards yeosang's side as she asked

Yena : sweetheart, what's wrong?

Yeosang : nothing.

Yena : you're sweating, yeosang. I know you had a nightmare, what was it about?

Yeosang : nothing important.

Yena : are you going to keep pushing me away like this?

Yeosang : I'm not doing anything, yena.

Yena : that's the point! You're not doing anything, yeosang. We've just won a damned war, probably the last for a very long time. We've expanded the empire we would one day have to hand over to our child.

Yeosang looked away, his lips pressed together. Yena held his arm, shaking it lightly as she said

Yena : don't you understand, yeosang? We've won peace for our nations, for Malaya-

Yeosang : by murdering thousands of people, yena!

Yena paused in confusion, stepping away as yeosang scoffed and continued

Yeosang : you're acting as if we haven't killed literal toddlers for this peace, yena. You're saying all of this as if I didn't have to see a 10 year old child get executed in front of me all while you watched, feeling nothing.

Yena : yeosang-

Yeosang : you told me ruling meant to feel emotions. Then where the bloody hell are your emotions, huh? Why the hell aren't you feeling them?

Yena looked away, feeling her heart drop at yeosang's words. All of this, yena had done for yeosang. She had thought winning this war would make him happy. Sure, it was going to be difficult to kill people like this but if it meant yeosang's happiness, yena could do anything.

Turns out he didn't feel the same.

Yena : so this…this is all my fault? It's my fault that I wanted to protect our people? My fault that I wanted to protect our rule? My fault I wanted to love you?

Yeosang : I do not know, yena. But it is our fault innocent children are dead, it is our fault that some women are widowed and our fault that old people are homeless in their own land.

Yena let out a breath, stepping further away as she said

Yena : you blame me for everything.

Yeosang said nothing. And that silence proved everything to her, gave her every answer she had wanted to know.

Yena : that's why you've been different all this while, this is why you don't talk to me the way you used to. You think…you think I'm some sort of a monster.

Yeosang : just-

Yena : no, no more.

And before yeosang could say anything yena walked out of their chambers, the guards outside looking confused as they looked back at their emperor with a small bow. Yeosang let out a shaky breath, shutting the door behind him as he slid down it with tears stinging his eyes.

What had he done.

___________________________________

Yi-wen : yena! Yena, wake up!

Yena groaned as she slowly opened her eyes, squinting as the bright sun above her suddenly blinded them. But soon enough her eyes focused on her mother who was now kneeling down in front of her, the queen mother's eyes worried.

Of course it would be, for yi-wen had found her daughter sleeping out in the open just a few minutes ago, the guards standing right outside the terrace with half-scared faces telling them that their empress had ordered them not to tell anyone she was here last night. Except now her daughter looked like a mess, her hair all over the place and her face red and puffy. Whether it was from the cold or something else, yi-wen didn't know.

Yena : m-ma?

Yi-wen : good god, yena! You can't just sleep outside like this, it's in the middle of December! You're going to catch a cold-

Yena : ma?

Yi-wen : what is it, yena-ya.

Yena : am I not…am I not a good ruler?

Yi-wen could never understand how someone as great as yena could think that way, ever. She was one of the best empresses this world has ever seen, and she was still in doubt of herself.

Yi-wen : what? Yena, you've literally just won a war for your empire-

Yena : by killing people.

Yi-wen : how else does one win a war, my child?

Yena looked away, her lips pressed together. Yi-wen placed a hand against yena's cheek, a small smile on her face as she said

Yi-wen : you have always been a good ruler. Of course, you're not the most perfect one but a queen cannot be perfect, yena. Winning wars will always require killing someone, because it's either them, or it's us. All you have done is protect our nations and it's people, and they will always be grateful to you for that.

Yena : but-

Yi-wen : there are no buts. Now get up, before I give you a whack for having put yourself in danger like this.

___________________________

Yeosang was walking through the hallways while discussing political matters with some ministers when his eyes landed on his mother-in-law who was walking towards him, half carrying yena who had her arm draped weakly around her mother's shoulder. Yeosang quickly rushed up to them with worried eyes, holding yena as he asked

Yeosang : what's happened to her?

Yi-wen : you're her husband, yeosang. How could you not know what's been going on with her?

Yeosang looked at yena who now had her head rested against his chest, her eyes closed. Yeosang let out a breath and picked yena up, giving a small bow to yi-wen as he said

Yeosang : I'm sorry, mother, I'll fix this.

Yeosang turned towards the guard standing next to him as he said

Yeosang : call the doctors to my chambers, quick.

The guard nodded as yeosang quickly walked towards his chambers, carrying yena in his arms.

Yeosang : what have you done to yourself, yena.

Yena slowly opened her eyes, looking up at yeosang as she said

Yena : why do you care?

Yeosang : because you're my wife!

Yena chuckled, closing her eyes once again as she whispered

Yena : because I'm your wife, and not because you love me.

__________________________

Yeosang looked at yena who was now sitting leaned back against the bed, the doctors already having left a few minutes ago after telling them that yena had just gotten a slight fever from having slept outside in the cold for so long, and that she should be better by tomorrow. And that had left yeosang angry.

Yeosang : is this how you solve the problem, yena?

Yena : well it's not like I can solve the problem by raising people from the dead either, is it?

Yeosang : yena.

Yena looked away, not having anything to say. Yesterday she had cried thinking that it was her fault yeosang was being like this, but now she was angry yeosang blamed her for wanting to do what every ruler on Earth would, protect their rule.

Yeosang sighed, shaking his head as he said

Yeosang : look, I was just a mess yesterday night, alright?

Yena : so you didn't mean it?

Yeosang : please just-

Yena : mess or not, you meant those words, yeosang. And that's what matters here. Our marriage is breaking down.

Yeosang : nothing, is breaking down. I will not leave you to rule this empire alone, yena.

Yena : you staying beside me by force is not what I need. I need you to stay with me out of love, not duty.

Yeosang : the point is that I am staying, yena, it doesn't matter anymore.

Yena looked up at yeosang as he stood up, letting out a breath before saying

Yeosang : you're an empress, yena, and we've just won a war. So stop self-pitying yourself and start seeing the actual problem. We have caused the deaths of many people, and now is our time to try and fix what ruins we have left behind.

Yena scoffed, looking away. He cared more about that than the fact that she was sick, this wasn't the yeosang yena loved.

Yena : you're more of an emperor than I am now anyway, fix the problems yourself.

_____________________________

3 days later :

Yena stared at the food in front of her as the others seated around her for the official celebratory dinner chatted away, yeosang's laugh echoing around the room at the jokes officials would tell him. Usually yena would be by his side, laughing and making sarcastic comments of her own. But today, although physically she was sitting next to him like she always did, she felt like she was miles away from her husband.

??? : your majesty? You haven't eaten anything, does the food need to be changed?

Yena looked up at the official who had just brought her back from her thoughts, yena shaking her head before saying

Yena : not at all, I'm fine.

Yena dug the fork into a piece of meat before biting onto it, her eyes trained on the plate.

??? : when are you going to visit the enemy kingdom, your majesty? As you know, it is now yours to rule over?

Yena sighed, looking up from her plate and onto the minister's eyes as she said

Yena : soon, within a week or so-

Yeosang : the day after.

Yena looked up at yeosang in confusion as he continued, not even looking at her

Yeosang : yena and I will be visiting the day after, I have already arranged for the carriages.

Yena scoffed, looking back at her plate in disbelief. He had arranged for a royal meeting with their new kingdom's citizens and he hadn't even told her. Is this how far they've become? Well, for the past few days yena had barely even seen yeosang for other than political matters and meals. He'd come after she was asleep and would leave before she was even awake.

But this? This was going somewhere else. And so yena whispered under her breath

Yena : get up and follow me, we need to talk.

Yeosang frowned as yena stood up, the officials sitting around standing up as well as yena said

Yena : please excuse us, as we have some private matters to discuss.

The officials bowed as yena walked away, yeosang following right after as she led them to a nearby sitting room. As soon as they were in yena closed the door behind her, turning to face yeosang as she said

Yena : this is my nation as well, yeosang.

Yeosang : did you call me here to state that very obvious fact-

Yena : then if you know it why the bloody hell didn't you tell me about the visit!

Yeosang : probably because you were too busy wallowing in your own sadness?

Yena : my husband, for whom I had won this bloody war for, told me that he sees me as a monster. As someone who feels nothing, someone who can kill anyone for anything. What did you expect me to feel after all that, joy?

Yeosang : you're still at it.

Yena : WHY DOES MY FEELINGS NOT MATTER YEOSANG!

Yeosang flinched at the yell, yena's face almost red from the fire that was crackling in the nearby grate. Yena had never raised her voice at yeosang before, and he had only heard her yell from afar at others. She had always been nothing but soft to him, and that caused a pang in yeosang's heart.

Yeosang : yena-

Yena : do you like seeing me hurt? Huh? Does that bring you joy?

Yeosang paused as yena banged him against the edge of the fireplace, a quiet yelp falling from yeosang lips as he realized he could feel the fire from the grate almost burn through his clothes. Except yena's arms weren't covered by any cloth like his was, which meant the fire was probably burning through her skin.

Yeosang : no you-

Yena : what, you're worried now? Is that out of duty, sweetheart?

Yeosang looked at yena with hurt eyes, trying to push them away from the fireplace. But yena held both his hands and pinned them against the sides, bringing her free hand closer to the fire as yeosang's eyes widened in fear

Yena : you said I don't feel anything. Shall we put that to the test?

Yeosang : no. no no-

Yena : everything I have done, I have done for you, yeosang. This war hasn't been fucking easy for me either, killing people doesn't come naturally to me but I have fought enough wars to know now that this is the only fucking way to win one.

Yeosang's eyes teared up as he tried fighting against yena's hold on him, realizing that the tips of yena's finger were now turning red.

Yeosang : please. Please don't do this.

Yena gave yeosang one last push before stepping away from him and the fire, yeosang's chest heaving as he looked at yena's burnt fingertips with tears in his eyes.

Yena : you told me to be an empress the other night, didn't you? That's what I've tried to fucking be during the war, an empress. I have tried to be strong, for our nations and for you. I have…I have done everything in my might to not go weak from the sights of children dying. I pretended I was strong, yeosang. I pretended so we could win.

Yeosang pressed his lips together, yena's teary eyes breaking his heart. Yeosang had never seen yena cry, and now, looking at the way her lips trembled and her body trying it's best to hold everything together, yeosang wished he never had.

Yena : I prom-promised you I would take you back to Kedah after this, as it's true king. I promised your dying father that I would keep his son safe and I promised this nation that I would protect it's emperor. That is all that I have done, yeosang. And if that…and if wanting to keep my husband safe is a sin, then so be it.

Yeosang : I am sorry. I am so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen-

Yena : but you did. You never try to understand me, yeosang. Because for you, blaming me for everything is way, way easier. When I found you I thought I'd found love, but turns out? I am utterly alone in this world.

Yeosang : no wait-

Yena cut yeosang off as she turned around, opening the door as she walked outside. Yeosang quickly tried following her, his vision blurry from the tears. And that caused him to trip over the carpet and fall down, a sob falling from his lips as he stared after his wife. Yeosang's tears fell drop by drop onto the carpet as he muttered shakily

Yeosang : your hand…

_______________________________

[sunmoonjune]

spring tides [like the moon universe]

pairing: poly!ot8 ateez x fem!oc!reader

warnings: vague mentions of eating disorder, death and torture, scars, ptsd, very fluffy! a lot of comfort! not so dark this time xD I did not proofread this :D

word count: 14.1k

a/n: hello y'all :D I have returned with some LTM for you <;3 This is a oneshot for my like the moon universe! You don't necessarily need to read the series to understand this fic but it definitely helps the immersion and understanding some of the plot points! you can find all chapters of ltm on my masterlist <3

Seonghwa remembers something in the spring of your third year with Ateez. As he watches you at Jongho’s side, silently offering the guard slices of fruit as he cleans his claymore, Seonghwa recalls that he doesn’t know when your birthday is. 

Jongho is murmuring something about the design of his blade and the engraving along the handle when Seonghwa stands abruptly. The eldest shifts on his feet, brows furrowed and teeth worrying his bottom lip. His lips purse when Jongho questions him. 

“Hwa?” 

The red-haired guard looks up at his partner with a lilt of concern in his voice, hands halting their motion on his blade. Jongho’s dark eyes glint as the fading sun catches the hickory color of his irises. 

“Is there something wrong?” Jongho continues, already shifting to stand to his feet. “Are you alright?”

You rock on your feet, legs stretching as you prepare to stand with Jongho. Your eyes flicker across camp, scanning for whatever has caught Seonghwa’s attention. There’s two swords still strapped to your back and you can nearly feel the cool metal pressing into your skin – a haunting reminder of the terrible things you’ve done with them. The buzz beneath your skin itches with the beginnings of adrenaline, already prepared to stand and defend the two Ateez members at your sides.

Seonghwa lifts his hands and shakes his head to soothe you and Jongho before you can stand. He softly waves his hands to encourage you to sit back onto the carved log beneath you, a wary smile on his lips. 

“No, it’s nothing,” he murmurs, still gnawing at his lip as he finishes. He offers a barely concealed sigh and shakes his head again. “‘M alright, just remembered something.” 

Jongho doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but he settles back onto the floor regardless. His hands return to wiping down his claymore but he doesn’t look away from his partner. 

You share the sentiment, continuing to watch Seonghwa and making note of each creak and scratch that echoes through the camp. You don’t know what startled him, but you’ll be prepared for the next time. The fruit in your hands has made your fingers sticky in the brief moments you spent looking up at Seonghwa rather than cutting the supple treat. 

You don’t mind though. You like slicing fruit for Jongho.  He doesn’t eat enough, you’ve noticed. You’re not quite sure why, but you suppose you don’t quite know how to ask. No matter the reason, it brings you comfort when he continues to take slices of succulent fruit from you as he cleans. He doesn’t look up, simply trusting you to place the pieces into his hands so he can eat without trouble. When you sat beside him that morning with the fruit in your hands, Jongho raised an eyebrow but didn’t mention it. You ate the first few slices before offering them to the wine-haired guard, who accepted them with a small smile. Every so often, he turns slightly, ensuring that you’re continuing to eat as much as he does. 

At one point he tilts his head back, looking up at you with those pretty, boba pearl eyes and opens his mouth slightly. Both his hands are occupied, busy with the intricate care his blade necessitates. With your heart thumping quickly in your chest, you place a slice of fruit on Jongho’s waiting lips and try desperately not to linger on the thought of how full and supple they are. 

“Thanks, love,” he murmurs without looking at you, the words sweet and saccharine in the low timber of his voice. 

Seonghwa laughed when Jongho’s cheeks pinkened after that, but you weren’t really sure why. 

Turning his attention to you, Seonghwa looks down at your figure. Sitting with a slight slump in your shoulders, the spymaster smiles faintly. Slouched posture is a good sign, he muses. You’re comfortable. 

When you tilt your head to the side, silently questioning Seonghwa’s thoughts, you reach up to gingerly grasp his fingers. There’s no hesitation. There hasn’t been in a long while. Seonghwa extends his hand in offering when he notices your appendages twitch. His warmth sinks into your palm and you nearly hum at the soothing feeling. 

You squeeze his hand twice before lingering for a longer third.

‘Are you okay?’ you silently question.

Seonghwa’s lips quirk into another gentle smile, but his eyes are distant. It makes your heart tug painfully. The hickory of his near-black irises is muted. You miss the glimmer of those sweet, dark eyes that show when he smiles. 

“Yeah, m’alright, lovebug.” 

Your heart slams into your ribs – a delighted feeling. Lovebug. You like that. 

Seonghwa leans closer to repeat the gesture, squeezing twice and then lingering for an ‘okay.’ His other hand lifts to run over the back of your head with a delicate movement. Fingers carefully scratch against your scalp and you resist the temptation to lean into his hands and exhale softly. 

“I have to go see Joong and Yunho, though. I really did just remember something I wanted to speak to ‘em about,” he whispers. Dragging his nails gently over the nape of your neck once more, Seonghwa smiles when you finally lean into his touch with a quiet rumble. He thinks you look positively cat-like. When one set of lashes flutters against your cheek in a tired, pleased expression, Seonghwa could coo at the endearing look. He withholds only to save you the embarrassment of his mother-hen tendencies. 

Your one eye flickers over his expression once more before you relent and nod your head just once. Seonghwa’s hand begins to pull away from your head, and this time you do make a tiny sound of sadness. The eldest feels his heart squeeze at your reluctance to be parted from him, leaning close to drag his thumb over the stiff material of your mask with a sweet touch before he stands upright once more. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, okay? You and Jongho finish up and join us for dinner soon.” 

You let out a short exhale through your nose, a sound they’ve taken to signify your agreement. Jongho’s lips twitch at the noise, trying to hold back the laugh he wants to let out. 

“Okay,” you whisper softly beneath your breath as you lean back against the back of the log. Seonghwa smiles and finally shifts his stance to leave, only pressing a gentle kiss to Jongho’s brow before walking off. Your head tilts one last time as Seonghwa leaves, wondering if perhaps one day he’ll kiss your head too when he takes his leave. 

The archer finds Yunho before Hongjoong. The tallest of Ateez is easy to collect when Seonghwa gives him a meaningful look. The tension in the eldest’s brow must convince Yunho that there is something important he is needed for because he immediately follows after Seonghwa. The two find themselves in the Captain’s cavern, his and Seonghwa’s really, standing before the long-haired leader with a small frown on the archer’s lips. 

Hongjoong mimics the frown, coming to a stand behind the desk currently holding a plethora of worn maps. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Seonghwa sighs, squeezing his fists together before he turns to face Yunho with a solemn expression. 

“When’s her birthday?” 

Yunho’s brow quirks at the same time the tension in his shoulders finally loosens a notch. Sighing softly, he licks his lips and answers.

“Tiny’s?” 

Seonghwa nods, the expression on his face unchanging: serious and solemn, as if the situation was as grave as a wake. Hongjoong glances between the two men, his brow now lifted in surprise, but he says nothing. 

“It’s been three years since she’s been with us,” Seonghwa murmurs tersely. “But we haven’t celebrated her birthday. The first year I could understand missing it – I mean, she was still adjusting to Ateez, and even after that she’s still a little apprehensive. Not that I blame her, of course – I just… It’s been three full years and I can’t believe we’ve missed her birthday at least three times.” 

Yunho’s bottom teeth sink into his lip and his eyes suddenly dart towards the floor. He swallows once, shifting on his feet and sighs as he ponders how to answer Seonghwa’s question. The eldest watches his partner with that same, tense look and his eyes glisten with something sad – something understanding, as if he knows Yunho’s answer before he speaks it aloud. 

“I don’t know,” Yunho finally answers quietly. He looks down at his feet, unable to meet his elder’s eyes. His eyes squeeze shut with another sigh that shakes through his shoulders. He repeats himself louder, still just barely above a whisper. “I don’t know.” 

Hongjoong steps forward from behind his desk. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” 

“I mean I don’t know,” Yunho whispers sadly. “And she doesn’t either.” 

Seonghwa licks his lips, grasping at strings as he scrambles to find the right words to say. 

“I don’t understand. How can she not know her own birthday?” 

Yunho won’t look up from his feet. His fingers curl into fists and the tips of his nails dig into his palms from the tightness of his grip. He can’t bring himself to loosen his hold. 

“Tiny, uh… After everything that happened with her – with that village, they don’t particularly regard her… fondly, you know?” 

Yunho speaks slowly and methodically, as if trying carefully to pick the right words to say. His tone is terse and cold, the disdain for the village of his past more than evident in his voice. Hongjoong looks up at his partner with a frown still on his lips, his heart pulsing sadly in his chest. 

“But she doesn’t know her own birthday? No one in her village told either of you?”

Yunho sighs again, finally looking up at his Captain with grief plastered across his features in an expression neither man can ignore. Seonghwa is already stepping forward, settling an arm over Yunho’s shoulders and rubbing his thumb across the taller man’s jaw. 

Yunho leans closer to Seonghwa and continues, voice deep and throaty with the weight of his words. “We celebrated it once. Back when we were young – back when… Daia was still around.” 

Hongjoong looks away. 

“But even then,” Yunho continues softly, trying not to think of the bony cage casting shadows of your quivering form. You were so young. Little fingers grasped the cold bars that separated him from you, desperately whispering a plea for him to leave. He should have known your father wouldn’t let you celebrate your birthday like he and the other children did. But the smile on your face was so pure, so genuinely happy that he could never utter the words that may wipe it away. 

 “We didn’t know the exact date – just that she was born in the spring. Her father… well he killed the attendants that assisted her mother through labor. Not that we could prove it, of course. Anyone around for Bug’s birth… isn’t around anymore. And Bug was raised kind of secluded the first few years of her life. No one knows exactly when she was born and her father certainly wouldn’t say.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes continue to glisten with that broken look, and he licks his drying lips before he speaks. His heart throbs painfully, echoing the sadness in his face.. “And… after Daia wasn’t around anymore?” 

Seonghwa hates that he asks. 

Yunho shifts on his feet and looks away again. 

“I, uh… I don’t know much of what happened after Daia…” he trails off for a long moment. “By that time, the village and her father turned their backs on Bug, and I… I was exiled a few years later.” 

Seonghwa thumbs over Yunho’s jaw again, trying to soothe his lover’s agony. Hongjoong steps closer and lays his hand across Seonghwa’s back, their combined sadness near tangible in the cavern hall. 

“Bug’s birthday…” Yunho finally continues. “She’s never seen it as a good thing, you know? Her father and the village certainly didn’t see it that way.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes sadden, the shine of his irises dulling at Yunho’s confession. He turns over his shoulder to look at Hongjoong and presses his lips together, as if regretting bringing up the topic altogether. 

“A good thing?” Hongjoong whispers. 

Yunho shakes his head, his frown dragging down his lips as he breathes softly. “Not something worth celebrating. The day she was born was… the start of everything bad, I guess.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes squeeze shut, the burn of tears forcing pressure to build in the corners. 

“Sometimes I think,” Yunho whispers tiredly, his eyes cloudy and unfocused as he stares into the distance. “I think she might hate it; that she might despise the day of her birth because of all the pain that came after.”

Hongjoong takes a deep breath in through his nose, trying to soothe the anguish that swells inside his ribs. There’s grief there, rage too, settling in the pit of his stomach and pushing upwards into his chest and throat. It’s not directed at you – it could never be. It’s towards your father, towards your village, towards anyone that has looked at you with disdain and uttered that foul moniker he knows makes you flinch. 

“I’m sorry, Yun.” 

Yunho shakes his head, leaning into Seonghwa’s hand and looking down at Hongjoong with his eyes glistening with welling tears. He swallows, clearly resisting the urge to cry, and kisses Seonghwa’s thumb when it brushes his mouth. “‘S okay, Seonghwa. I know your intentions were honorable.” 

Seonghwa nods, finally leaning forward until his head rests against Yunho’s collarbone. An arm wraps around the eldest’s shoulders and Hongjoong presses himself against Seonghwa’s back, encasing both him and Yunho. 

“So don’t bring up her birthday, then?” Hongjoong whispers, frown still drawing his lips downward. He speaks the question into Seonghwa’s shoulder blade, his lips grazing the tunic covering his skin. 

Yunho is silent for a long moment. No one speaks and the sounds of their hushed breaths are all that echo through the hollowed cavern. Yunho ponders his Captain’s question in the silence and thinks of your growth in the years you’ve spent in their camp. Would you rather they never mention your birthday again? Or would you appreciate a different kind of memory to replace the shaded pains of the ones long past?

Soon after, Yunho leans forward to bury his face into Seonghwa’s hair before he breathes deeply and pulls back, a small quirk lifting the corner of his lips. He thinks of you and that youthful grin that used to grace your lips more often as a child. Yunho recalls the mischief in your smile and the wonder that would flash across your eyes, and he begins to twist an idea around his thoughts. It’s that look he wants to see again. He always wants to see it; the mischief, the awe, the teasing grin you used to throw over your shoulder to get him to chase you through the training grounds. He wants that so badly. 

“Actually, Captain…” 

Hongjoong peels his head away from Seonghwa’s shoulder, looking up to meet Yunho’s eyes with a raised brow and a question in his eyes. “Hmm?”

Yunho finally manages a fraction of a smile, stroking his hand over Seonghwa’s shoulders as he speaks. 

“I think there might be a way we can show her that her birth is something worth celebrating. I’ll need your help though.” 

“Anything.” 

“Anything for her,” Seonghwa finishes at the same time Hongjoong speaks. 

Yunho’s heart swells. The soft grin on his features begins to stretch, mirrored by his two elders. Pride begins to surge beneath his skin and it makes him feel fuzzy. 

“What do you need?” Hongjoong whispers into the fraction of space separating their lips. Yunho huffs a smile, leaning closer until his mouth brushes against his leader’s. 

“How do you feel about a little trip, Captain?” 

Time passes easily. About a week goes by after the conversation between you, Jongho and Seonghwa before Hongjoong announces that Ateez will be spending a few nights traveling away from camp. He won’t say where they’re traveling to nor why they’re going, but there’s a mischievous grin on his lips when you tilt your head in suspicion. No one will tell you anything about the adventure other than handing you a cloth pack to gather some things for the trip. 

Mingi helps you clean your blades and slides them into the scabbards on your back for you. Seonghwa packs food away carefully and slides extra servings of dried and cured meats into your pack followed by the fruit he knows you and Jongho love. San and Yeosang sit by your side as you help sort the first aid supplies the camp may need. The inky vines wrapping around Yeosang’s forearms flashes from beneath his sleeves, and you find yourself following the sight of the tattoo each time you peek a glimpse of golden skin covered in leafy shapes. 

San laughs and raises an eyebrow at his lover when he flicks his shirt above his waistband playfully, showcasing the span of scales descending over his hip and up his waist. He giggles when you reach forward to pull his shirt higher over his side, eager to follow the lines of ink up his torso. San pushes your hands away and promises to show you one day. Wooyoung enters the cavern a moment later and exchanges a knowing look with San, as if the same pattern of obsidian scales crawls up the opposite side of his own torso. 

On the morning Hongjoong announced their leave, you pack the last of your things diligently in the cloth pack given to you. There’s something fond rippling through your chest as you slide a hand over the large tunic laid across your bed. 

The sensation seeps all the way down to your toes, a bittersweet happiness that arose from the realization that you’ve never… owned things before. 

In that village, nothing was ever yours. It was always stolen or taken, never owned. 

But now… 

Now there’s all kinds of things in your corner of the medical cavern. There’s the little rope of twine with eight little beads Yeosang gave you to fiddle with so you wouldn’t pick and pull at your nails. There’s the bear-hide blanket Jongho handmade when you started to grow cold in the winter nights. A pile of spare clothes tailored to fit your size sits beneath your bed. A hollowed shell of smooth, rich cream sits beside you, specially made for you by Wooyoung and San when they noticed your scars were particularly aching in the cold weather. There’s a whetstone and cleaning tools beside your swords, left there by Mingi when he noticed your blades were dulling. Seonghwa always leaves a myriad of flowers beside your bed each week, and the dried stems of all his past bouquets hang above your on a piece of twine Joong brought you. There’s armor and chainmail beneath your bed, presented by Hongjoong with a shy smile. He cleans them for you when he thinks you’re not looking, ensuring the armor stays in good shape and protects you well. One of Yunho’s thicker tunics lies at the foot of your bed, a staple of your growing closet of clothes. He knows you like having his scent nearby. There’s books too, ones from the medical cavern and ones from Wooyoung, who you’ve discovered is quite the avid reader. 

There’s just… all sorts of things. 

And you’ve never really owned things before. It’s strange. And quite enjoyable, you decide.

You like owning things. You like being part of Ateez – being part of a family. 

With your lips twitching upwards into a fond smile, you stand with the last of your belongings and slide the straps of your cloth pack over your shoulders. It sits a little strangely on your back but you huff and step out of the cavern anyway. 

The rest of Ateez is already outside, shuffling the last of their belongings into storage and closing up the cave system behind you. A wooden sort of door slides shut behind you and the viny, earthen cover falls over it. It’s perfectly concealed from the wild, appearing just like any other cropping of rocks and stone. You marvel at their ingenuity and turn to find Wooyoung approaching you with a smile on his lips. 

“Good morning, Bug. Are you ready?” 

Your head tilts with a question as Wooyoung’s hands shift upwards to the straps of your pack. He raises a brow once, always asking for permission before he touches, and you shift closer and slide your hands onto his hips with a nod of your head. Wooyoung’s smile seems to widen, if at all possible, and he carefully begins to adjust the straps of your pack so it sits better across your back. Your gaze follows his hands, tracing over the fading scar on his one wrist – the space where a rusty shackle used to sit. Your lips quirk happily at the sight of the missing metal cuff, now long buried in the earth. He hums happily at the feeling of your hands on his waist, and chuckles beneath his breath when he feels your hands attempting to weasel under his shirt – likely another attempt to get a look at the tattoo you know sits there. 

Wooyoung huffs a breath as you skate a gentle hand over his bare hip, focusing on the wavy shape of an oscillating line your draw over his skin. He translates the word as ‘what’ and understands your inquisition to mean ‘Ready for what?’ 

“Can’t tell you,” he laughs, his chest shaking with the motion as you squeeze his hip in retaliation. “Sorry, baby. Captain’s orders; take it up with Hongjoong if you want to know so badly.” 

Your one eye rolls and Wooyoung laughs again, that bright, cackling sound echoing through the trees in a burst of noise that makes your heart flutter. You like Wooyoung’s laugh. 

“C’mon you two!” Hongjoong calls from a distance, already beginning to pace towards the southwest. “We’re burning daylight. Let’s get moving.” 

You respond with a choked hum despite knowing your Captain can’t hear it. Wooyoung grins, finally satisfied with the adjustments he’s made on your pack, and turns over his shoulder to call back, “We’re coming, Captain. Relax a little. It’s barely dawn, we’re on schedule.” 

You don’t need to see Hongjoong to know what expression the Captain has on his face. A tiny smile appears on your lips and when Wooyoung turns back to face you with a hand held out in offering, his grin beams once more. 

“C’mon, baby. You wanna walk with me and Sannie today?” 

Your answering nod is a little too eager, but Wooyoung doesn’t mention it. 

To you, anyway. The smug grin he shoots over his shoulder at Mingi and Yunho is met with a sigh and an eye roll. The vulgar gesture Mingi throws back goes unseen by you too. 

Seonghwa sees it though, and the sound of Mingi’s squawk when he’s slapped across the shoulder by the archer makes Wooyoung laugh again. 

It’s springtime. The forest is filled with bright shades of emerald green and flowers have begun to sprout along patches of sunlight. Lupin tickle at your ankles when you pass and you watch their lilac and lavender petals sway in the wind with a fond expression. Your last bouquet from Seonghwa was fresh Lupin flowers, a growing favorite of yours he has noticed. 

Wooyoung holds your hand as you walk, sometimes shifting to allow San to take his place. They talk happily as you stride through the forest, following Yeosang and Jongho as they lead your band of warriors through the trees. You still don’t know where you’re going nor why you’re going there, but you trust your Captain and you trust your family. 

Eventually, you unlink your hands from San to step ahead and walk besides Mingi and Yunho. San’s resounding pout and soft sigh are lost on you, but Wooyoung slides his hand into his partner’s empty fingers with a grin and a teasing poke to San’s side. Mingi intertwines his fingers with yours with a beaming grin and a happy chuckle, swinging your hands between you as you walk. He points out the flora and fauna he recognizes along the hike, explaining their uses as he recalls Yeosang’s teachings. He mentions the honey-haired healer’s tattoo sleeve of medicinal herbs and shows you some of the plants he recognizes to be inked into Yeosang’s skin. You eagerly categorize the leaves and petals of each plant, hoping that you’ll one day be able to find each one decorating Yeosang’s skin. 

The first night away from camp is spent sleeping beneath the stars. 

Your group of nine lays huddled together in a clearing in the pines, with a small fire burning quietly in the center for warmth. Shifts for watch are assigned and you find yourself curling between Yunho and San that night with a promise to take the final watch with Seonghwa. With cicadas clicking in the distance and a cool breeze rustling the branches above you, you find sleep easy that night. Strangely enough, despite resting out in the open with no cover around, you find you can sleep calmly. Nestled between your Yunho and your San, their body heat keeping you warm even underneath the fur blankets swaddled around you, you feel safe enough to sink into a well-earned sleep. You know the others will wake you if there’s trouble lurking about. They would never let anything happen to their family. 

The next day is spent between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, happily listening to their stories and eagerly nudging the both of them to show you some of the ink decorating their skin. Once you found out about Yeosang’s tattoos, there was nothing holding you back from asking the others about their own. Seonghwa relents with a teasing grin towards Hongjoong, showing you the pattern of large scales that crawl up his forearms. You trace the delicate scales with a happy sound, not noticing the shiver that crawls down Seonghwa’s spine. Hongjoong rolls his eyes at his partner, but he almost wishes to show you the ink decorating his back and spine too. He only waves you away with a laugh when you turn to him with a tilt of your head and a happy question on your lips. 

That night you sleep between Yeosang and Jongho, one of your legs wedged between the youngest’s and your hand clumsily intertwined between the healer’s fingers. This time, the nine of you settle in a cliff alcove, sheltered from the fog and the light drizzle of rain that spatters through the forest around midnight. 

There’s no telling how far you’ve traveled from Ateez’s hollow. It’s been two days of mostly hiking and stopping for breaks and meals, but you’ve long grown used to strenuous labor so the walk is not nearly as difficult as you once thought it to be. You still have little to no knowledge on your destination as your Captain is tight-lipped about the matter. He only gives you soft smiles and quiet laughter when you nag him about where or why you’ve left camp. 

On the third and last day of your long journey, you walk between Yeosang and Jongho at the front of your pack. The two have been leading you for three days, seeming to know the way without needing a map or compass. Every once and a while, Yeosang looks up at the night sky and lifts a hand to palm at the stars. You understand he must be checking your position, ensuring that they’re still on the right path, but you don’t ask. You find Polaris winking down at you each night with a fondness in your chest, and you give her a gentle, barely-there smile each time you see her. 

The healer and his partner pace through the trees with newfound urgency that morning. The two members eagerly shuffle through the trees with beaming grins and an energy that you cannot help but mimic. They’re excited about something – unfathomably so. 

“We’re almost there, honey,” Yeosang encourages you, holding out a hand to help you scale the final boulder before you begin your descent back down the mountainside. “Just another mile or so, I promise.”

You trust him. 

The others have begun to feed on the buzzing atmosphere building in the group. There’s tension simmering, but a good kind, as if there’s something awaiting your family at your destination. You don’t know what it is, but it must be something good if they’re eagerly beginning to quicken the pace. 

Soon after you begin your descent down the small mountain, the dense foliage of pine trees and packed soil gives way to something softer – something you’ve never quite seen or felt before. It’s pliable and squishy beneath your feet, allowing your weight to sink into the material with each step. It leaves footprints in your wake, the ground shifting and moving beneath your feet. 

Sand. 

It’s sand. 

You know it’s sand because Yeosang has some collected in a small jar in the medical cavern. You’ve never seen it before: sand or the sea. You found the tiny bottle of eroded stone once and carefully examined it with a puzzled expression until Yeosang found you. The miniscule grains of rock and shell shifted in the bottle as Yeosang explained where it was from. 

You listened to him for hours that day. 

He talked about the sea and his life as a captain of his own ship from the hour of the sun’s peak until it descended beneath the horizon. You were fascinated. Eagerly hanging onto every single one of his words, you listened to Yeosang with a rapture you couldn’t describe. He spoke of the ocean and the smell of salt in the fresh air, mentioning that there was a particular hint of something so ocean-like in the scent that he couldn't begin to describe. Yeosang described the sand and the shore, detailing how the plush sand like the stuff in his bottle gave way to harder packed ground the closer you grew to the sea. He talked of how it felt to play in the waves and to feel the cool touch of the ocean on his skin. 

You marveled at him for hours, longing desperately to one day know the smell he spoke of, to feel the ocean breeze tickle your skin and to feel its waves brush against your feet. 

It sounded wonderful. 

So when the sand beneath your feet begins to thicken, giving way to clumsier footsteps and the sound of something roaring in the distance, you perk upwards. 

Your entire body slams to a halt, startling San who walks behind you. Jerking upwards, your one eye darts over to Yeosang, who stands with Jongho at his side, already looking at you. There’s this look in their eyes; something fond and gentle – an expression you’ve begun to recognize. They watch you as you begin to piece together the information you’ve gathered of this little trip, smiles on their faces as you realize where they’ve taken you. 

At your side, San begins to bend forward, his hands reaching out to pull at the laces of your boots and chuckling beneath his breath. You reach out to stabilize yourself on his shoulder as you make a sound of confusion. 

‘What’s going on?’ you try to question without speaking.

At your back, Yunho runs a hand down your spine and soothes the tension in your shoulders. You reach back, grasping his hand with a strength that surprises you and draw that oscillating squiggle across the back of his hand with a bewildered expression. 

‘What’s happening?’ 

There’s another word you want to say. One you don’t have a translation for. A word you’ve never spoken or seen. 

Ocean. The sea. 

You don’t have a word for it. 

But you can smell it now. That salty, fresh sort of scent with a hint of something you cannot place. Just like Yeosang described. 

The sea. 

San taps your leg, garnering your attention and helping you lift your foot so you can place it on his knee. He’s kneeling at your feet, one leg propped up to lift your foot and the other in the sand beneath him. The healer pulls at your laces, beginning to untie your shoes and pull them from your feet with a grin. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he murmurs with that low timber that makes you shiver. “Let’s get these off.”

Your held tilts in confusion. Seonghwa chuckles behind you, leaning into Mingi’s side and shooting a look over at Wooyoung. “Gotta take your shoes off unless you want sand in the soles, Bug. It’ll be a pain to walk back with all that in ‘em. I promise you’ll never be able to get it all out.” 

Hongjoong laughs from beside Jongho, the Captain throwing his head back with a knowing grin. “Speaking from experience, huh, darling?” 

Seonghwa rolls his eyes and ignores his lover, dropping a hand to intertwine with Wooyoung’s. The younger eagerly locks their fingers together, smiling happily and leaning his head onto Seonghwa’s shoulder as you process everything. 

The others begin to pull off their own shoes, tying them to their packs or holding the laces in their fingers. Mingi laughs and pushes Wooyoung when he bends over to undo his laces, and when Wooyoung stumbles, he shouts indignantly and lurches upwards for revenge. Seonghwa laughs and tries to settle them, only to end up yanked out of the way by a grinning Yeosang. Wooyoung and Mingi screech at each other, beginning to race down the sand towards the roaring sound that continues to swell in the distance. 

You worriedly look down at San, his dark irises already looking up at you with adoration swirling behind them. The healer pulls off your sock and carefully sets your foot back onto the sand, watching as you marvel at the plush, cool material beneath the soles of your feet. 

“C’mon, tiny,” Yunho laughs behind you, chest rumbling as he speaks. The vibration echoes through your back from how close the warrior is pressed against you. He grins when you shiver pleasantly. “We’ve gotta catch up.” 

San lifts your other foot delicately and places it on his waiting knee, repeating the process of taking off your shoe and sock before he ties the laces together and stores them away in his pack. Before he sets your foot back onto the sand, San’s eyes twinkle with something mischievous.

He leans forward and drags his fingers across the skin of your calf, eyes crinkling as he smiles. You look back down at him with your stomach fluttering pleasantly, watching as San leans forward and presses his lips to the side of your calf. 

Oh. 

His lips skate over the muscle and his hand rests where your thigh connects with the knee. You feel your breathing still. Air catches in your lungs, and some burst of emotion lurches into your throat as you stop and stare down at the healer with one widened eye. You can feel the smile on San’s soft lips as he drags his mouth from your calf to your knee, kissing your skin sweetly as he goes. He drifts over scars both fresh and faded, but does not stop moving as he ascends up your calf. San leaves a trail of goosebumps in his wake, your skin practically shivering under his touch and lighting ablaze when he pulls away.

Oh. 

You stare open-mouthed at the healer when San finally slides a hand down your leg and deposits it onto the sand. You lick your lips once, trying desperately to come up with words to say, but there’s nothing. Just the trail of blazing heat San left behind and a roaring fire beginning to spread inside your chest. You can practically feel the heat in your face, and you lift a hand to palm at your cheek as San watches with a teasing grin. Your figure practically vibrates as you shiver through the emotion bursting through you. 

“San…” 

Said healer mimics your shiver as you whisper his name, fingers dancing along your calf before he stops. He presses one final kiss to your knee, at the crease of the joint, and this time your eye slides shut with a shiver. The plush feeling of his lips against your skin is ambrosia for your soul and the barest touch of moisture is left behind when he finally pulls away. 

He looks up at you with honey in his irises, hand skating down your calf once more and smiles. 

“C’mon, Bug. We’ve got places to be,” he teases, saccharine timber never failing to make you melt. 

As if he wasn’t the one distracting you. 

Finally, you’re able to squeeze his shoulder thankfully and San beams up at you in the way that makes those sweet little dimples poke out of his cheeks. You nearly lean forward to caress a finger of the indents that make your heart mushy, but still as the cool sand sinks between your toes. 

It’s… soft. 

The sand melts beneath your soles like butter, cradling your heels and caressing your skin like silk. You wiggle your toes and awe at the feeling, watching the sand shift and move with your lips just barely parted in wonder. San watches from your feet, his gentle eyes roaming over your partly-concealed face and grinning at the expression plastered across your features. Your lips are parted, but just barely, taking deep breaths to inhale the fresh air of the sea breeze and one eye dilated with awe. San's heart thumps vibrantly beneath his ribs, a song of your name. It calls out to you sweetly, and San swears that when he runs his hand across the bare skin of your leg, brushing over scars and broken skin, he can hear your heart call his name in return. 

Your one eye darts upwards to meet your Captain’s gaze. 

Hongjoong stares at you with some ineffable softness in his expression. He reaches a hand out to grasp your fingers, helping you step forward away from San. The healer stands from his kneeling position, his own footwear now missing, and joins you at your side. 

“You like it?” Hongjoong whispers as you near. 

The vigorous nod of your head is almost comical, and Hongjoong chuckles beneath his breath. Yes. Yes you like it. 

San beams at your side, unable to stop the mirthful sound of his laughter. It erupts from his chest in that giggling way that you adore. You tilt your head to look at him, your chest swelling and heart thumping with the tumultuous feelings surging within you. San reaches out to run a hand down your arm and you lean close offering a single line of ‘thanks’ across his palm. 

Yunho leans forward and pecks a kiss across your forehead, directly over the mask concealing the right half of your face and then turns to walk after Wooyoung and Mingi, San at his heels. He doesn’t acknowledge the kiss, but your heart jumps into your throat regardless. Your fingers itch to follow him, twitching in an attempt to reach for him, but you turn back to your Captain instead. 

Hongjoong is still looking at you, that ineffable softness still radiating from him. “C’mon, angel. Let’s go see the ocean.” 

You’ve never been more excited. 

Hongjoong begins pulling you in the direction the others have disappeared in, following them over the dunes of sand. At first, he pulls your awestruck figure behind him as you make your way through the deeping sand, turning back to watch you marvel at the grains of white and cream colored grains. Your feet drag, slowing the two of you down as you continue to look down at the sand beneath you. At one point, you can’t resist the temptation and you stop, carefully pulling your hand from Hongjoong’s to bend at the knees and drop into the sand. 

“Woah, angel!” Hongjoong gasps as you let go of his hand and urgently drop into the earth below. “Careful!” 

Dragging your fingers through the silky material, you watch the tiny pieces of sediment cascade back into the hills beneath you as they trail between your fingers. The sand is cool to the touch and gentle as it scratches against your skin. You thought it would be rough, but it’s not. Not this sand anyway. 

Seonghwa chuckles behind you, stopping to drop his hands beneath your shoulders and gently lift you back up to your feet. The others are little specks in the distance, just a few hundred yards away. The eldest carefully sets you on your feet and slides a hand down to intertwine with your own. 

“C'mon, lovebug. We haven’t even reached the good part yet.” 

The good part? You wonder. How could it possibly get any better than this? 

But as the crashing sound gets louder with each step you take and the smell of salt continues to grow stronger, you begin to realize what the good part is. 

Soon after, it becomes you dragging Hongjoong and Seonghwa through the sand dunes. Eagerly tugging them behind you as you race towards the others, you sink into the sand and stumble a few times, only catching yourself when either member scrambles to grab your waist. You push quicker through the deepening sand each time you right yourself, racing through the dunes until you finally see it. 

The sea. 

And you stop moving. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa nearly crash into your back as you freeze, body halting at the top of the sand dune. Your one eye is transfixed on the view before you, mouth parted and body slack with awe. 

Waves are crashing along the shore, breaking into foamy surf as they collide with the cream-colored sand. There are little birds with thin, long legs dancing in the shoreline, pecking at things in the packed sand. You watch with fascination as they rush away in a flock from an oncoming wave. When the foam finally settles, they return to their feeding grounds, continuing to peck away at something beneath the darker sand. The smell of salt fills your senses and there’s a brush of water against your skin as a breeze carries a mist of salt onto the shoreline. 

You’ve never seen so much… color before. 

The ocean is blue. Green too, and teal and dark and bright, and every color in the range you can possibly think of. It’s aquamarine in the peaks of crashing waves and a darker cyan in the deepness of the salty water. There’s pale blue, creamy skies and even paler cream-colored clouds. You nearly wish you could reach out and touch one. 

It’s wonderful. And it’s so much more than you think you deserve. 

With awe on your features and mouth slightly parted, you stare mystified at the sea before you. Hongjoong steps up beside you, the others starting to circle back to stand nearby. They just stand there… watching you for a minute. 

They watch your one pupil dilate and your expression softens into wonderous glee. Their hands intertwine with each other, fingers squeezing one another and hearts thumping happily in their chests. There’s pride there, and affection too, roaring madly beneath their skin and calling out to the sea with a throaty, triumphant call. 

You like it. You like the sea. 

And they like you. 

Hongjoong slides a hand down your arm until he can gently link your scarred fingers with his own. Your attention briefly shifts away from the sea to look over at your captain. 

His soft brown hair rustles as the sea breeze flutters through the strands, and Hongjoong smiles. Eyes scrunching into a beaming grin, the one that you like so much, he offers a squeeze of your palm. The scar crossing his one eye moves with his expression and you adore the way it looks when he smiles. Chocolate brown irises flicker in the brightness of the sunlight and for a moment, you think you much prefer the color of his eyes than the enchanting blue-green of the sea. 

But it’s tough competition, of course. 

Hongjoong squeezes your hand once more, fully drawing your attention back to him, and he leans close to carefully grasp the side of your face. His palm gently cups your mask, stroking his thumb over the tough material with a delicateness you cannot fathom deserving. But he touches you regardless, even if it's the mask instead of your skin. Hongjoong doesn’t care that you continue to wear it. None of them do. It’s a part of you, and they’ll continue to care for you all the same. 

“Are you happy?” The Captain inquires, licking his lips as he watches you. 

The vigor in your nod nearly makes him laugh. His beaming grin only seems to widen and you find yourself stunned at how beautiful he looks happy. 

“Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad you’re happy, angel.” 

You want to ask something else. Something about why your little clan has ventured this far or perhaps something else, but you can’t begin to find the words for it. 

You don’t need to though. 

Hongjoong leans closer, his warm, umber eyes scanning your features as he whispers something only for you to hear. 

“Happy birthday, Bug.” 

You barely register the sentiment before your captain leans forward and gently presses his lips to the crown of your head. 

You don’t breathe. Too frightened that any movement will force him to pull away, you stay remarkably still and stare numbly into Hongjoong’s chest. 

His lips linger for a long moment against your hairline, and you feel the warmth of his exhale against your scalp. The feeling makes your stomach flutter pleasantly and suddenly your body feels like you’re going to vibrate out of sheer enjoyment. Another shiver tickles its way up your spine and you finally exhale shakily. Reaching a hand upwards, you clutch onto the hand Hongjoong has still cupping your cheek. 

Her heart finally throbs with a dull ache. 

Your birthday? 

You didn’t even think… 

Hongjoong exhales softly and bends to drop a second kiss onto your mask, just above where your right eye would be. It throbs suddenly, but not so painfully this time. 

Your birthday. 

They came all this way for you? 

All of this… leaving the camp, walking all this way, spending nights on the road, showing you the sea for the first time… they did this to celebrate your birthday? 

Your heart hurts. 

No one has ever done that for you before. 

You suppose Yunho and Daia tried once… but that didn’t end so well. Salt wells behind your one eye and your lip twitches just once, but it's enough for Hongjoong to catch. Your chest aches with the memory of your mother. It’s a hurt you could never quite soothe. 

The Captain’s smile is still bright when he pulls away but there’s a sadness beneath the joy. No, not sadness, you suppose. Something empathetic – something… bittersweet. 

Hongjoong knows. They all do. 

“My birthday?” Your mouth parts to let out the croaked sound. Your voice has gotten better. The deeper, rough tone of your voice has begun to fade after finally learning to use it again. It’s beginning to return to what it used to be – slow and steadily. 

From behind you, Yeosang hums deeply. You recognize the sound without turning to look at him. His voice always carries that undertone of sweet and smooth honey, and you can’t find any other way to describe it. 

“Yeah, honey. You told me you’ve never seen the sea, right? We thought it would make a good birthday present.” 

The healer is standing behind Hongjoong, San and Wooyoung at his sides and the rest of Ateez just beyond. They’re all here. For you. 

You shift on your feet, barely able to restrain the wetness of your one eye as you attempt to face them. Your heart still throbs, but it’s more of a pleasant ache – a good one. A sea breeze rustles your hair. Three silver rings click against your mask; a comforting sound that reminds you of home – of Yunho. The scent of salt in the air fills you with warmth and the silky sand beneath your feet cradles you in the earth’s gentle hands. The world itself seems to wrap around you in its kindness, delicately embracing you as if asking for forgiveness. 

It feels like your mother – like the hugs you can barely remember. 

The burn of tears returns tenfold. 

You’ve never celebrated your birthday before. It was never a day others regarded with joy, so you supposed it was only fair to see it the same way. You don’t even really know what day you were born. Father never told you – he never told anyone. 

But… perhaps this day – the day Ateez has chosen for you – can be your birthday. Maybe this time it doesn’t have to be a bad thing anymore. 

“We wanted to show you something new. Something good. Do you like it?” Wooyoung whispers as you process your feelings. His voice is apprehensive, as if he isn’t quite sure how you’ll respond to celebrating your birthday. You can barely hear him over the roaring sound of waves colliding with the shoreline and birds peeping in the surf. 

You’re already throwing yourself into Wooyoung’s arms before a moment of silence can pass. You crash into his chest with a crooned sound, a desperate cry of joy. 

“Yes!” You finally croak, the word sounding more like a sob than an agreement. “Yes, I like it!”

Wooyoung laughs happily as he wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck with a joyful sound. His chest vibrates with his laughter and you love the way it feels against your body. One of your hands slides out from between you and you urgently grasp ahold of Yeosang’s shirt and tug him into your pile with a quick movement. San follows soon after, lured in by Wooyoung’s touch and suddenly you’re buried beneath a mountain of Ateez’s warmth. 

Another wet sob leaves your lips, but it’s much closer to a laugh this time. 

“I love it…” 

And we love you. 

He doesn’t say it aloud, but Wooyoung hopes you hear it anyway. 

Seonghwa lets out a hearty laugh despite it sounding wet with his own tears, and he wraps an arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders as he tugs his captain close. The leader’s eyes are watery as he and the archer pile into your embrace. Mingi and Yunho follow quickly after, with the tallest of the two reaching out to snag Jongho’s tunic. The youngest is already moving, sliding beneath Yeosang’s arm to nuzzle into the healer’s side. One of his hands nestles between his lover’s ribs, resting atop your bicep. You push closer into their hands, warm and happy and still softly crying. 

You love it. 

It cannot possibly get any better than this. Not even the comforting breeze of the ocean air brushing over your skin nor the warmth of any roaring campfire could rival this feeling. There’s no warmth in the world that can surmount the heat of Ateez embracing you. Their hands carefully sweeping over skin leaves trails of pleasant heat in their wake, and the throb of your aching heart is only soothed by a soft coo leaving San’s lips. Wooyoung slides a hand over your head, pulling you closer into his neck, and you feel a bigger hand – Yunho’s, you know – scratch gently over your scalp. Another settles onto your hip, rubbing gentle circles into the bone. They’re Seonghwa’s, you recognize the calluses on his two fingers when they brush over the skin of your bare hip. Mingi’s hand settles across your back, resting between your shoulder blades. His firm touch and big hands are easy to decipher. Jongho’s wrap around your arm, strong and steadfast, just like you know him to be. Your captain’s smaller hand finds your fingers, sliding between them as you grip onto San with a fierce grip. 

Hongjoong’s hands tremble when he twists his grip to drag a line down your left ring finger. His gaze finds yours, a watery smile on his lips when your mouth parts in shock and your one eye dilated beyond comprehension. The Captain finishes drawing the line at the tip of your nail, where each of his fingers meets the end of each of yours. Then Hongjoong slides his hand into yours and squeezes three times. 

Yunho must have taught him that one. 

Because no one else has ever uttered those words to you – least of all meant them. 

Your grip tightens fervently, pulling until you can press Hongjoong’s hand into your chest and let him feel the racing pulse of your heart. It slams into your ribs with a thunderous pace, beating in a pattern you hope he can discern. You pull your head from Wooyoung’s neck just slightly. Just enough to lean down and press your lips to Hongjoong’s fingers. 

You hope he knows what it means. 

He does. 

“Happy birthday, tiny,” Yunho murmurs into the shared space between the nine of you. “We’re so happy you’re here.” 

You weep. 

Ateez spends three nights and four days at the beach. 

On the first, you don’t have the courage to venture too far into the shore. The roaring of waves crashing onto the sand is intimidating when you don’t know how to swim. You settle for watching the others splash and wrestle in the shallow sea. Their shouts of glee are enough joy to warm your heart. 

You watch Mingi grapple with Hongjoong on the shoreline, huffing softly with a grin when Mingi inevitably gets the upper hand. The guard lifts Hongjoong over his shoulder and laughs deeply as he storms his way towards the sea. 

“Put me down!” Hongjoong roars, smacking his hand against Mingi’s back. “Mingi!” 

The guard only laughs and spins the two of them in the shallows as he wades deeper into the waves. 

“Don’t you dare!” 

You watch as Mingi laughs brightly once more, calling out a “too late!” as he unceremoniously dumps his captain into the sea.  

Hongjoong dunks beneath the water with a roar, and for a moment you worry he won’t emerge again. He does, however, and lurches from the waves with an undignified shout and lunges towards Mingi as he laughs. 

“Get back here!” 

You grin and watch the two continue to wrestle in the waves. 

Jongho takes you onto the nearby rocks and shows you the wonders of tide pools. He and Yeosang spent years living by the sea, and he murmurs hundreds of little facts about each of the animals he can find. Crouching down by a shallow pool, Jongho reaches into the cool water and ever so carefully lifts a sea star from the water. He cradles it delicately, leaving it half submerged as he pulls you closer with his other hand. 

“This is a sea star,” he whispers, looking up at you and gesturing for you to crouch beside him. “You want to feel? You won’t hurt it.” 

 When you crouch at his side, Jongho pulls your hand towards him with a smile. Bent at the knees, you lean into his side and watch with a bated breath and marvel at the texture of the sea star still carefully held in Jongho’s hands. It’s soft and squishy beneath your delicate touch and you huff a smile as you watch with a mystified expression. 

You watch some of the tiny feet of the sea star wiggle in Jongho’s hand and whip your head over to face him with a question on your lips. 

Jongho is already looking at you, watching you instead of the sea star in his hands. He’s smiling, softly and sweetly, his eyes fixed on your one eye. They drift from your left one to where your right would be if not hidden behind the mask, then he drops them to your lips. Your breath stutters and you swallow shyly before Jongho lifts his eyes back to your own. 

He smiles, as if nothing happened and continues, “See the poky creatures down here? The ones that look like they have needles? Those are urchins. The sea stars will eat those.” 

It takes more effort than you’d like to admit to pull your gaze away from Jongho’s face. 

At another tidal pool, Jongho points out a creature he calls an anemone. The vibrant teal and green color of its shape mystifies you and you lean closer to investigate it. Listening carefully to Jongho’s explanation of the anemone, you look back up at him with a question in your eyes. 

“Yeah, you can touch that one too. Be careful though.” 

You don’t understand his warning but carefully drop your hand into the pool to delicately caress the anemone anyway. The chill waters surround your skin and you lean closer to touch the creature, you let out a startled squeal when its sticky tentacles wrap themselves around your finger. Surprised, you lurch away from the pool, confusion in your face and hands braced on the rock beside you. 

Jongho laughs so hard you think he might choke. 

You turn to look at him with furrowed brows and an upset pout on your lips, a little disgruntled Jongho didn’t tell you that would happen. 

The youngest continues to laugh at the utter confusion in your expression, finally bracing himself against you and apologizing. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry, Bug. I couldn’t help myself!” 

You frown and push gently at his chest, posing a little miffed at Jongho’s teasing. The youngest snorts and pulls you closer to his chest, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” he laughs. “We should wash your hands though, the stingers on those anemones can leave toxins on your skin. I don’t want you to touch your face without cleaning your hands first.”

You huff and nod, letting him lead you away from the rocks and towards the others. When you find San, you race away from Jongho and bury yourself into his chest with a pretend pout. The healer wraps you up in his embrace without question, turning to look at Jongho with a raised brow. Jongho rolls his eyes and laughs. 

Seonghwa and Wooyoung take you to collect shells in the afternoon. 

Your footprints linger in the sand behind you as you hold the archer’s hand and walk along the shoreline. The sand is packed beneath your feet closer to the shore and you find that there are all sorts of different shells just above the water line. 

You recognize some of the larger, smoother shells Yeosang and San use to store medicine sometimes. They’re scallop-shaped and hollow in the middle, and the healers like to use them for creams or other ointments. Seonghwa helps you carry some back to the healers who gratefully pile your collection into one of their packs. They can always use more shells in the medical cavern. 

Further down the beach, you find a plethora of smaller shells and drop down into the sand to rummage through them. There’s hundreds of them, some twisting into points and others round at the edges. Some are still split into pieces and others are still whole. Some are closed like a locket. Seonghwa tells you to leave those ones alone – there’s still creatures living in those ones. You gasp and carefully set the shell back down into the sand ever so delicately. The archer smiles fondly at your care for the earth and her creatures. 

One of the bigger shells that washes up on the shore catches your attention, and you rush over to the pristine, cream colored object. Yeosang called these conches. When you excitedly turn over the shell, you’re startled to find a spiny looking creature inside. A large claw grazes your hand and your heart lurches. 

You shout in surprise, jerking away from the shell with a gasp. 

“Bug?!” 

Seonghwa is at your side in an instant, hands on your back and pulling you away from the shell. “What happened?” 

 He doesn’t know why you shouted at first, too worried something has hurt you. His hands slide across your shoulders, turning you to face him and urgently scanning you for injuries. But when he looks down at the crab claw emerging from the shell, Seonghwa feels his chest shake with quiet laughter. Your head jerks back to look at the archer.

“It’s alright, darling. You just startled the crab living inside this one. He won’t hurt you, honey.”

Each shell you turn over for the rest of the day is done carefully and gently, and Seonghea feels his heart tug affectionately at how cute you look doing so. You nudge one with a stick to see if any claws come out and Seonghwa has to bury his smile in Wooyoung’s shoulder. 

“She’s so precious,” the warrior murmurs under his breath. 

Seonghwa hums in agreement, his head lifting from his partner’s shoulder to find you waving them over excitedly. 

“We’re coming, sweetheart!” 

Wooyoung settles at your side with a grin and looks down at the smooth stones in your hands. There’s a few rocks mixed in with the more ornate looking shells you’ve gathered, and Wooyoung tilts his head in an attempt to decipher why you’ve called them over. 

“What’s goin’ on?” 

Seonghwa’s heart stutters at the beaming smile on your lips. You smile more and this is not the first he’s ever seen, but each time you look up at him with that grin on your face, Seonghwa feels his stomach flutter and pride swell from his gut. He almost bites down on his bottom lip to resist sending you back a grin of his own, but Seonghwa doesn’t. And he’s grateful he does, because the way your one eye crinkles with joy when he smiles down at you makes his cheeks burn and his skin tingle. 

“Look!” You urgently whisper, swallowing around the word to repress how sore your throat is. 

Directing his attention to the dark stones in your hands, Seonghwa’s brows furrow in confusion. 

“I don’t understand.” 

You lift the stone beside his face, pulling Wooyoung into your side as you do. The two of you face Seonghwa as the archer grows more confused. The dark brown, near ebony-colored stone is lifted just beside his temple and you watch with a marveled expression as you shift your gaze from the rock to his eyes. 

“What is it?” Seonghwa urges. 

Wooyoung grins, his teeth flashing as he laughs sweetly. His two-toned hair ruffles in the breeze and Wooyoung turns to face you, squeezing your hip as he slides an arm around you. 

“That’s a good find, Bug,” he murmurs, looking back up at Seonghwa with honey in his gaze. “The same shade as his eyes. It matches him perfectly.” 

You nearly vibrate with happiness, wiggling a little in Wooyoung’s arms as Seonghwa’s eyes crinkle. “Really?” 

You nod fervently, reaching for his hand and dropping the smooth stone into his hand and curling his fingers around it. Seonghwa holds the rock carefully, not looking away from your one eye as he lifts it to press into his heart. 

“Thank you, darling.” 

You smile again, just a little twitch of your lips and nod. Then you turn to Wooyoung and weasel your way out of his grip to hold another up for him. This stone is a similar shade as Seonghwa’s, but just different enough that Seonghwa can see where you’ve matched this one to the exact hue of Wooyoung’s umber irises. 

You hold it out to Wooyoung with a tilt of your head and Wooyoung has to resist the urge to lean forward and squish your cheeks. He’s rarely seen you so excited – so… at ease. It makes every muscle in his body eager with the urge to hold you close and squeeze you tight. 

“For me?”

You nod excitedly and Wooyoung accepts the stone with a skip of his pulse. “Thank you, baby.” 

He and Seonghwa exchange looks and Wooyoung slips the stone into his pocket, where he knows he’ll keep it safe. 

“Help me?” You whisper softly, gesturing to the plethora of stones and shells beneath you. “For the others.” 

“Of course.” 

The two help you find six more stones, one of each of the other members of Ateez. Each one is the exact shade of their eyes – colors you know by heart. 

Wooyoung cannot tell you that after the trip, the rest of the boys gather to look at the stones and shells you collected for them. He doesn’t tell you that Mingi finds some twine and they braid bands for each other, carefully depositing their gifts onto string and binding them to each other’s wrists. 

On the first night, the nine of you sleep around a bonfire. 

The crackling flames keep you warm from the evening’s cool breeze, but you don’t think you sleep at all. The excitement and pure glee from the day keeps you awake. Adrenaline still roars through your veins and you settle for watching the stars for a moment longer. You find the twinkling shape of Polaris easily, and whisper your thanks up at her, just like you do every night since Jongho pointed her out. 

She winks back. 

The fire continues to crackle and the smell of wood burning soothes your nerves. Eventually, you pull yourself from your bed roll, carefully maneuvering away from Yunho’s warm chest and wrap your blanket around your shoulders. Quietly, you make your way over to the massive piece of driftwood facing the shore. 

Then, you drop silently beside Mingi, who sits and watches the sea. It’s technically his watch, but the guard faces the ocean as if he cannot bring himself to look away. 

Mingi does not startle when you find your place at his side, only shifting slightly to allow you to get comfortable. As you settle, you scooch as close as you can towards Mingi’s broad chest. Your side presses into his as you rest your weight against him and Mingi smiles, still looking at the sea. He easily accommodates your weight and wraps an arm around your shoulder, covering both your forms with his blanket. You snuggle close, burying your face into his neck and continue to watch the waves crash against the shore as the moon illuminates their peaks. 

You sit there for hours. Though you cannot sleep, excitement still pumping through your body, you find staying awake with Mingi is just as nice. Far more comforting, you’d even say. Mingi’s body heat keeps you pleasantly warm and his big arm stays wrapped around your waist. Soon after you settle, the guard drops his cheek onto your head and he breathes slow and deep. 

Even when Yeosang relieves him of his shift, taking over his place for watch, Mingi remains still. The two of you stay there until neither of you can keep your slowly fluttering lids open any longer. 

Yunho finds the two of you in the morning, and he kisses Mingi awake with a sweet grin and soft eyes. He brushes a hand through your hair and drops a kiss onto your head, eventually dropping onto your other side where he wraps an arm around both you and Mingi as the three of you watch the sunrise. 

The second day, you finally find the courage to venture into the waves with San and Yunho at your sides. Yeosang stands in the waves, waiting for you. 

San leads the way, walking backwards into the surf and holding both your hands. Yunho stands beside you, one of his arms reaching out to steady you and reassure you that he’s still there. You make eye contact with Yeosang and he winks at you. The honey-haired healer grew up in the sea. You know that if anything goes wrong, Yeosang will know what to do. 

“Let’s go, tiny. You’ve got this,” Yunho encourages, softly nudging you forward as you apprehensively toe the water line. 

You can’t swim. And you’ve never ventured into the sea before. 

It’s a little daunting, but the dimples on San’s cheeks and the smile on his lips encourages you to keep walking. You clutch his hands with a vice grip and gasp as the cold, salty waves cascade over your toes. 

“Sorry, lovebug. It’s a little cold.”

San laughs as you throw him a withering look. That information would have been helpful before you stepped into the sea. Yeosang laughs at your side, rubbing a hand along your waist and watching you shiver at the warmth of his touch. 

No matter how many times they touch you, you cannot help the way it makes you feel. 

“A little further and we can stop,” San murmurs, squeezing your hand when you stumble in the sand and pulling you closer. “C’mon, baby.” 

A few steps further and you stand at Yeosang’s side, digging your toes into the plush sand beneath your feet and marveling at how the waves lap at your knees. It’s cold, but you don’t mind since it’s a reprieve from the midday sun. When you turn your back to the sea, a strong wave pushes you closer to San and he laughs when you stumble into his chest. Water splashes upwards, and you get your first taste of seawater. 

“Woah!” San laughs, steadying you by the waist and watching as you stick your tongue out with an indignant sound. He can’t help the way laughter bubbles from his chest. You look positively betrayed by the ocean, as if the taste of salt on your tongue personally offends you. 

Yunho and Yeosang dissolve into giggles behind San, leaning onto each other to support themselves. Your one eye narrows and you shoot them an angry look, but San thinks you look more like an angry, wet cat than anything scary. Of course, he would never tell you that.

“I’m sorry, Bug!” Yunho laughs. “You just look so funny!” 

San listens to you grumble something under your breath, something that sounds like ‘showing him something funny,’ and then you bend at the waist and splash a mountain of water in his direction. 

Yunho guffaws at the betrayal and San dissolves into his own laughter, bending at the waist and bracing a hand on his chest as he cackles. Your grin is positively menacing, Yeosang decides. He wonders if you’ll become as much of a brat as Wooyoung if this continues. 

Yunho, now drenched in salt water and wet hair dripping into his eyes, enacts revenge and lunges towards you. San, ever the sweetheart, throws himself in between you and Yunho and the two sink into the waves with smiles. 

Eventually, when your skin begins to wrinkle from the time you spend in the waves and the sun begins to set, Yeosang and you step away from the shore to settle against the same piece of driftwood that marks your temporary camp. Yeosang sits atop the log and you lay just below him on the sand. You lean against his leg, just watching the rest of the boys continue to dance and swim in the surf. The sound of their laughter makes your heart happy and their gleaming smiles leave a grin of your own on your lips. 

It’s nice – smiling again, you mean. It’s a gift from Ateez they have not realized they’ve given, but you take care to treasure it regardless. 

You wrap an arm around Yeosang’s tattooed calf, your fingers occasionally dragging along the pattern of thorns that descend from his thigh. They wind around his leg, ending at the bone of his ankle and you’ve seldom been able to keep your hands away from the obsidian ink since he showed you. This, of course, is much to Yeosang’s delight, and the honey-haired healer can barely resist the way he beams so brightly when your delicate hands skim across his tattoos again. He loves it when you touch him. 

Mingi and Seonghwa leave the shoreline after a few minutes. They step away from the water to stoke the bonfire at the center of your makeshift camp. The flickering amber hues dance along burning bark and release a pleasant aroma onto the beach. You inhale deeply and lean further into Yeosang, humming happily when one of his hands reaches out to scratch along your scalp. 

Head scratches have become one of your weaknesses, you suppose. All it takes is for one of them to run their nails along your head and you’ll sink into their embrace with a happy sigh and mushy bones. 

When Mingi is satisfied with the roar of the campfire, he and Seonghwa press kisses to Yeosang’s hair and brush fingers over your hairline as they pace back towards the shore. 

A harmonious shout of glee leaves San’s lips as Jongho tackles him into the shallow surf, and there’s an uproar of laughter from amongst the boys. San shouts something along the lines of being cold and twists in the waves in an attempt to pin Jongho beneath him. Jongho, easily the strongest of the nine of you, maintains his place above San but spits salt water out of his mouth in surprise when his partner douses him with a splash. In revenge, Jongho prepares to dunk San’s head beneath the water, only to be tackled into the sea by Yunho. The youngest lets out a squawk of surprise as he sinks into the water and the laughter begins again. 

You turn your head towards Yeosang, resting your cheek against his knee and looking up at him with your one eye. You nudge him gently with your knuckles, drawing his attention to you. 

“Are you going to join them?” 

The honey-haired healer barely catches your question over the cacophony in the surf, but he smiles at the sound of your voice. He slides a hand deeper into your hair and scratches against the nape of your neck, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when your eye flutters shut briefly. 

His eyes, chocolate brown and gleaming with the flicker of flames before you, are warm and strong. They look down at you like you’re the only thing he sees – the only thing he wants to see. 

It’s familiar. This moment is too. 

Shivering gently from the weight of his gaze and bones feeling mushy and warm, you look up at Yeosang and wait patiently for his answer. 

“No, not yet,” he whispers in return, expression soft and eyes tender. “I’m very happy where I am right now.” 

You inhale deeply through your nose, recalling when he spoke the same words so long ago. The exhale that shudders through your lungs is accompanied by the sound of Yeosang’s deep, honey-sweet voice. 

“I‘m happy here with you.” 

He finally has the courage to say it. 

You look away from Yeosang so he doesn’t see the water welling in your lone eye. The stroke of thanks you brush across his skin is enough to let him know what you mean. The swell of electricity zinging beneath your skin leaves you breathless and you lean into Yeosang’s legs to combat the shift in emotion. 

The healer hums sweetly in response, unable to look away from you. He examines you as you watch his partners, lifting his head when another uproar of laughter erupts when Hongjoong overpowers Wooyoung in whatever game they’re playing in the waves. 

But when you glance back at Yeosang shyly, you see it. 

You see the way he looks at you now. 

With stars in his gaze and affection glimmering in the shine of his irises, you see the way Yeosang’s features melt so sweetly as he watches you. He looks at you the way he looks at them; like he’s staring at his very heart and soul – like there’s nothing else in the world he’d rather gaze upon than your face warmed by the flicker of roaring flames and your one eye finally staring back into his. No apprehension, this time. No fear or confusion or worry or an amalgamation of all of them together. You just… look back at him. 

Just like how he looks at you. 

When Seonghwa and Mingi rejoin the parade, kicking up salt water and spinning through the shallows, the boys cheer gleefully and begin to dance. It’s chaotic and a mess of stumbling and laughter, but it’s dancing nonetheless. The sound of their joy is infectious and spreads along the beach until it reaches you and Yeosang.

But he’s not listening to them. He’s listening to you. His ears are trained on the sound that erupts from his feet, bubbling from your lips in a noise he’s been praying to hear. 

Laughter. 

You’re laughing. 

There’s this bright, heart-stopping smile spread across your lips as you look up at Yeosang and listen to your family dance on the beach. Your shoulders shake softly with the movement of your laughter, and Yeosang can feel the vibrations of your chest pressed against his leg. It starts as a muffled giggle, barely concealed by your smile, but it deepens into a hearty laugh from deep in your belly. 

He cannot tear his eyes from you. 

You laugh. 

You laugh and you look up at him with stars in your eyes and his heart in your hands, and it takes every fiber of his strength not to lean forward and drown himself in the taste of your lips. It’s all he wants – all he needs, he swears it. One taste of your lips would sate him for life, even though he knows he’d never be able to tear himself away again. 

When you lean upwards, grabbing ahold of his fingers and pulling them towards you, Yeosang’s mouth parts to suck in a breath. 

You kiss his fingers. 

By the Gods, maybe that was a lie. One kiss would never be enough to sate him – there would never be enough of your touch or your kisses that could ever appease his soul. Even if he were immortal and your paths intertwined until the last of the stars burned from the sky, not even then would he have enough of you. 

You laugh again, grinning up at Yeosang with a toothy smile and the corner of your mouth digging into your mask. If he wasn’t already sitting, he swears he would drop to his knees at your side. 

He loves it – the sounds of your laughter. No matter how raw or croaked the sound is, he adores it. The sound of your voice once made his heart race with glee, but this… This is different. 

It’s so much more. 

This is joy. Unbridled and unashamed and so clearly you. It’s your laughter, your glee, your happiness that sinks beneath his sin and lights his nerves on fire. It’s your smile and your giggles that make his heart swell. Yeosang adores it. He adores you. 

He cannot help the way he slides off the driftwood log and into the sand at your side. Yeosang is pulling you into his chest before you can question his actions. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls your head into his neck, pressing you as tight to his chest as he possibly can. 

“You’re laughing…” he whispers as he huffs in disbelief. “Bug! You’re laughing!” 

The second time Yeosang utters the phrase, it’s shouted cheerfully as he squeezes you tight into his chest. His heart thumps brazenly beneath his ribs, and he can feel the pulse of yours against his own. You giggle again, wiggling to readjust yourself as you sink into the honey of his embrace. Yeosang’s heart trills excitedly again. 

Yunho’s head darts upwards from the beach, startled by Yeosang’s call. 

“What?” 

San hears Yunho’s whispered disbelief and stands from the surf, attention drawn over towards you and Yeosang. “What did he just say?” 

“It’s Bug,” Hongjoong answers, standing behind Yunho with his eyes blown wide. His heart stutters once in his chest as he takes in the sight of your shoulders shaking gently with your giggles. He can’t hear the sound of them, but Gods does he wish he could. “Bug’s laughing.” 

“Holy shit…” 

Yunho takes off from the beach without another word. He doesn’t even hear who curses.

Sand kicks up from his feet as he sprints towards you and Yeosang with his heart in his throat and a watery grin on his lips. He doesn’t even need to turn around to know that San is the one on his heels. Yunho knows the sound of San’s muffled sobs just as well as he knows the beat of his heart. Wooyoung is not far behind, a bubble of laughter leaving his lips and a chain missing from his wrist. Nothing binds him to that place anymore. You set him free. 

Hongjoong and Mingi chase after the others, and the Captain manages to get some revenge for the day before as he shoves his guard into the surf on the way. Hongjoong’s mirthful chuckles as Mingi shouts are heard when Jongho pulls Seonghwa behind him, urging the archer to move faster. 

“Bug!” 

Your head pulls from Yeosang’s neck, that toothy grin still on your face just as Yunho collides with you and the honey-haired healer. The two of you sway as Yunho’s weight sinks into your figures, but Yeosang sets an arm down into the sand to support you. The black and white strands of San and Wooyoung’s hair drip with salt water as they throw themselves onto Yunho’s lap with a shout. Mingi follows just after, likely having passed Hongjoong on the beach with the length of his strides. He shakes his wet hair as he clings onto Yunho’s back and Wooyoung complains despite the fact that he’s already soaking wet. The giggly sound of Mingi’s laughter makes you chuckle again.

You laugh, as if it’s as easy as breathing. 

Yeosang watches, his eyes welling with happy tears as he continues to cling onto you with one hand. He watches you giggle and the others pile into your space and listens to his new favorite sound. 

Gods, he adores you. He adores them – this family. 

Yunho is crying, his lip wobbling as he buries his head into your hair. He’s at your back, chest shaking with the sound of his watery sobs. 

“Tiny…” he cries, but it’s a happy weep. You reach around to cling onto one of his hands. Yunho squeezes you tight, stealing the air right from your lungs, but you don’t need it. You would happily breathe in the pure euphoria of this moment instead. “Tiny, you’re laughing.” 

San buries his wet hair into your lap with a joyful sound and the giggles commence again. The healer’s heart throbs so strongly but so pleasantly he thinks it will burst. You have a laugh that makes others laugh with you. Just like Wooyoung, he realizes. 

Your other hand drops from Yeosang’s back to brush through San’s hair once and the healer looks up at you with glimmering half-moon eyes and a dimple poking out of his cheek. You allow your finger to poke the sweet little spot this time. His cheek muscles ache from how big his smile is. San nuzzles closer to your stomach and you let yourself shiver pleasantly, far too happy to deny yourself the joy of this moment. 

You’re pretty, San thinks to himself. So pretty. Especially when you laugh. 

Wooyoung melts into Hongjoong’s side and the Captain wraps an arm around his shoulder. They stand just behind Yunho, burying their happy tears into each other as Seonghwa pulls them close. Mingi and Jongho sink into the sand behind Yunho and pull each other tight. The taller guard squeezes his eyes shut and presses his lips into Jongho’s forehead, desperately hoping all his adoration is conveyed through the kiss. Jongho reaches out to squeeze Yunho’s shoulder and rests his weight against his elder’s back. 

“I know,” you finally whisper into the space that separates you and Yunho. “I’m happy.” 

One hand lifts to pull the mask away from your face. Without a moment’s hesitation, your nimble fingers detangle the knot from behind you, and you drop the obsidian mask into the sand. A hand wraps around your fingers when you finally let it go. Someone draws a line along the length of your left ring finger and twines their fingers with your own. They squeeze three times. 

You repeat the gesture, tracing a finger down the fourth finger on their left hand, right over the thin, dark band you know is tattooed there. You squeeze their hand three times. This sign needs no translation. 

You open both eyes. 

“I’m so happy.” 

bonus:

stranger: so who would you choose; ateez or–

reader: ateez.

stranger: you didn't even let me finish, ateez or–

reader, not missing a beat: ateez. I choose ateez.

a/n: This currently takes place sometime after the main storyline (probably xD) so it accounts for the boys knowing parts of Bug’s past (not revealed but it’s mentioned they know). For now, I won't consider these oneshots canon simply because I won’t know where it fits in the timeline HAHA xD this is essentially just a little bit of fluffy comfort for those who have been missing Bug and the boys! I’m catching up on their story but I hope you enjoy this filler for now <33 ALSO disclaimer, don’t pick stuff out of tide pools! my marine biologist family is screaming at me for including that xD just leave the creatures alone in their habitats!

sorry if bug seems a little ooc here! Loren and I have decided that bug goes from black cat energy to golden retriever after enough time with atz :’))) This is supposed to take place sometime in the future where she’s healed a little more and is a little more curious and open. There are a lot of references to things that have yet to happen in ltm so this is kind of a teaser for those xD 

also shoutout to the loml @eightmakesonebraincell for the majority of the ideas in this :D she's a real one xD

taglist: *If you don't see your name on this taglist, you may have been removed if your tag doesn't work :( let me know if you don't see your name and I'll try to see what we can do to fix it :D

@verseoks @smallfrye @istgcyj @rensunjun @flowrsforfun @justchaoticwhispers @gayliljoong @http-lovelyknow @kpopnightingale @rielleluvs @queentiti72 @paralumanniluna @chittaphonstar @dear-dreamie @bangtanxberm @havetaeminforbreakfast @knucklesdeepmingi @pingyu-in-wonderland @5sos-wdw @atzcoke @ddeonghwva @sophxom @khjcoo @sunukissed @becauseiloveyunho @atinymonbebestay @goldenstarmermaid @simplyaghostsworld @multifandomizer @yeosangs-left-ass-cheek @revehosh @mysticfire0435 @side-angel @taestrwbrry @billboard-singer @jenseok17 @parkthothwa8 @jcngh0-hq @dream-in-progress @dees-writing-corner @frankenstein852 @darkdayelixer @ateezkeepmysoul @maruskz @ahhhhhhhhhghh @honeyhotteoks @simeonswhore @jxxngieteez

[the-midnight-blooms]

FROM THE ARTIST’S STUDIO | cs

pairing: painter!choi san x painter!reader AU: historical au, joseon dynasty word count: 10.5k

masterlist

I reach out to my lover, he’s trapped within a painting. The muse of a Renaissance artist- he’s so divine he may have even started the movement.

Her feet pattered down the cold floorboards, pushing through the salmun doors-the fabric of her purple hanbok bunched up in her palms. The midnight bloomed in the depth of the spring, where the cherry blossom trees roared with the wind. A captivating beam from the candle paved the way to the front doors, her heart lurching in her chest as she felt an enchanted soul beckoning her name; her vessel bowed in his essence as if the rapping of the door knocker was to the beat of her name, echoing every syllable. With her hand outstretched for the doors, she hauled it open finding a man whose eyes were squinting as the the coarse rain battered against his supple skin; his teeth chattering with the cold. With a brown leather bag sloped over the shoulder of his light yellow hanbok; hands gripped steely over the handle of his heavy cases. He was tall, with broad shoulders, she quickly discerned but his face almost seemed obscured by the dark clouds and the night slowly filtering into the star studded sky.

"Please, Miss, I'm here to see Mr Yim. I'm a new apprentice at the local government office." His voice was almost mellowed by the crash of thunder against the sky, which had them both flinching at its mercilessness. A surge of relief rested upon him as a slender arm in purple outstretched towards him; the warmth easing the shattering goosebumps bestowed upon his delicate skin. With a contented sigh, the figure in front raised the candle to his face; the soft glow illuminated his crescent eyes which bored into another's burgeoning with curiosity.

"Your name, Sir?" Her honey like voice, slid into his ears; lashes gently fluttering as he breathed in the sight before him the beaming light from the candle forging a halo around this angel. Her tight jaw and deadpan expression was immediately dissolved between the influx of enigma that flooded into her eyes.

"Choi San." Nodding diligently, she gesticulated for him to follow her to her father's study. The hallways of the Yim estate were particularly large, a few candelabras were perched on top of the drawers plastered across the panelled walls-the smoke infiltrating into the empty space. They graced the floor with minimal sound, as if there were ghosts traipsing the corridors rather than real people.

Stood outside the large door, she dipped her head in politeness as he gently caressed the lumber; soft knocks restituting off the walls. With the candle perched within a hand of his own, yet another door opened; the esteemed artist tumbled through the doorway into another life.

Just over two decades ago, on a winter night, where the trees were bare of crisp leaves and the ground was brazen with purest of snow; a couple sat by the fire in their bedroom: a new-born cherub encapsulated within her mother's arms. Mr Yim, the father of the child, was a member of a group of scholars who advocated the need for the government to foster commerce, industry, and technology. He was a part of one of the four schools of thought in Joseon that shifted from speculative theory to attending to more taxing socio-political issues. Therefore, despite being renown for his hard work, and steadfast nature, he was also known for being quite reserved- to put it nicely. There were no 'good mornings' or 'good afternoons' from Mr Yim. Nor were there dirty looks and unwelcoming mannerisms bestowed upon his acquaintances. He liked to keep to himself, Mrs Yim being the only woman in the world capable of seeing that man smile.

"Would you like to hold her, dear?" His wife called, the gentle babbling of his child sending a jolt of fear rushing through him. Eagerly, he dismissed the opportunity, to which Mrs Yim had sighed staring down at her beautiful daughter. "She is your daughter, too. You're going to have to hold her at one point."

"I'll hold her when she is a little older than what she is now."

"Before you know it, she will become a woman and you will reminisce all the opportunities you had to cuddle her when you could." Truthfully, Mr Yim was afraid of fatherhood; he never really understood the notion of it but if having a child would make his darling, Mrs Yim, happy then Mr Yim would give her all the children in the world. How could he raise a child when he was left to raise himself? What could he even teach except say to his daughter after every stumble, every mistake, every stutter, every cry for help but: 'find your way'?

Thus, his aloof nature extended to his daughter, who having been pinned by her mother's side until her unfortunate death, became wholly estranged from her father. He was no longer her mother's husband, but rather just a kind stranger who fed her, clothed her, kept her under his roof and gave her almost anything she wanted.

Miss Yim was rather bizarre.

Or at least, that's what the townspeople thought through her poignant introvertedness; maintaining scant friendships, rejecting all marriage prospects almost immediately preferring the confines of her large quarters-which in themselves were situated in the segregated division of the family home. Her rooms were not bright, but panelled with a dark wood that foremost created a dull atmosphere, there was minimal light other than what streamed in through the open doors and windows that overlooked the vast lawn. A porch ran around the whole building, where Miss Yim frequented, all year round, as she drew.

Oh! The most compelling thing about Miss Yim was that in contrast to her academic father, she had particularly excelled in the arts, often taking on commissions from local noblemen requesting venerated portraits of their wives. As well as the opportunity to put her skills to practise, she saw it as a way of putting a few extra pennies in her pocket. In alignment with her reserved nature, Miss Yim found that she preferred to draw using defined, darker mediums such as charcoal, ink and graphite pencils. There was something so true about the loneliness that could be felt from the intricate brushstrokes as the ink spilled across the page. As if the figurines were her, simply founded to be a mere prop in a large frame.

Smoothing down the hairs on her head, she snapped away her gaze from the mirror to the window overlooking the side of the garden, the silhouette of the hanok roofs, carving elegantly into the sky. The trees rocked and the grass rippled with the pending ferocity of the wind. Indeed, the storm would not subside within the next few days. The door to her bedroom slid open, the older maid stumbled in settling the tray upon her bench.

"Will I not be eating with my father today?" Ina looked up from where she was kneeled on the floor, settling the bowls onto the bench.

"Mr Yim is currently accompanied with Mr Choi. Your father requested that you eat by yourself for the duration of his stay, you know how it is." Nodding, she took her seat opposite Ina patiently awaiting for the maid to stop assembling her dishes in a neat line in front of her. Whilst women typically dined by themselves, her father had allowed her to eat with him almost daily; except when there were guests. Despite his neglect towards his daughter, he still valued her feminine dignity and did not trust the vulturous eyes of men that rested their predatory gaze upon her.

"Who is this, Mr Choi, and how is it that I wasn't aware of his arrival until he was knocking on our door?" She questioned, Ina's careful gaze flickered to her before staring out into the open space in contemplation.

"A new apprentice. He’s appointed here, on request of his father." Leaning forward, Ina's voice dropped an octave. "Apparently his father says he's been 'engaging in sin' so he's been estranged from his parents until he gets his act together." Raising a questioning brow, she looked down at her bowl.

"Is he a homosexual?" Immediately, she was wacked on the back of her head by the older maid who didn't miss a single second in scolding her. Her hand sped to the back, rubbing the jolt of pain that seared through her, a temporary look of irritation glazed over her eyes.

"You insolent girl! How could you say such thing, you know how disgraced that is!"

"You said ‘engaging in sin'. I can't think of anything more sinful other than fraternising with men or women." Ina's dirty look penetrated through her bones, provoking a sense of humiliation that would rattle through her in the depth of the night. Scowling at her mistress, she rolled her eyes before getting up from the floorboard.

“Hurry up and eat your food. You need to go to Mrs Kang’s today." Following Ina's orders she gulfed down her food, drowning out the maid's muttering about her being crude and dishonourable.

The light chatter from the front room fell deaf at her ears as she sauntered to the entrance, which the two kitchen maids scuttled in through. Bowing at their mistress, they made a fowl attempt at suppressing a fit of giggles as they subtly snuck a glance into the room. Following their gazes, she warily traipsed in, catching her father converse with their new guest.

"Ah, speak of the devil! Mr Choi, this is my daughter." He teared his gaze away from his mentor to draw his eyes across the room and find the infamous Miss Yim perched by the doorway, gripping onto her onto the full skirts of her dark blue hanbok.

It was hard to deny that Mr Choi was amiable. He was tall, well-built with a toned torso that was still perceptible through his uncreased peach coloured hanbok, dimples adorned his perfectly structured cheeks. He nodded with such elegant eagerness, at her father's command harbouring the position of an obedient son, almost leaving her wondering what was so 'sinful' about that man in the first place? What could he have possibly done so wrong that he had practically been disowned by his family?

"Miss Yim, it's nice to formally meet you." She gave him a polite nod, choosing to stay silent than say something and be met with her father's harsh stare.

"Mr Kang told me you've been over at his home, a few times." Her father spoke breaking the awkward meeting. A breath became lodged in her throat as she anticipated some sort of wrath, after all Mr Yim was supposed to be oblivious to her going out and painting other women for a light commission. She didn't exactly know how he would react to that. "He appreciates your help with Mrs Kang's pregnancy." Mrs Kang is pregnant? That would explain the engorging belly, the mood swings and the other number of odd behaviours that she was listing off in the past few weeks she had been challenged with drawing the difficult woman. At times, Miss Yim thought she ought to have more empathy, it wasn't that she lacked it, it was that she tended to not gift her empathetic abilities to the prejudiced. It was women like Ina, and the cooks that worked in the kitchen that deserved her compassion. Women who strived to be breadwinners, even if it was due to poor socio-economic circumstances. Because women like Mrs Kang were hypocrites to be preaching the old values, pre-Confucianism, when they neglected their own sex.

"Yes, she's been enjoying my company. I intend to go again to deliver herbs she’s asked from Ina’s garden.” She recalled glancing down the extensively large page, as Mrs Kang moaned and groaned when the servants were too late to serve her namul and kimchi.

"Red raspberry leaf, dandelions, echinacea." Grimacing, she looked over her sheet to give the woman a look. "You can just get this from the market, why do you need this from Ina's garden?" Mrs Kang simply pouted rubbing her belly. Now that she thought about it, how did it not occur to her that she was pregnant? Perhaps it was because they begged to slim down her figure in the painting.

"Fresh herbs are good for babies." Were the herbs from the market not fresh enough for her? “I need them picked before they’re here.”

"Perhaps I should add lemon balm to burn that fat." A discourse of exasperated gasps rippled over the room, Mrs Kang waddled out of the room wailing for her husband. It was ruthless and unkind, keeping the unsympathetic Miss Yim awake at night before she travelled back to the Kang estate to see a very unhappy couple.

“I’m sorry, Mrs Kang. You’re beautiful just the way you are, even more with the little belly.” The pregnant woman’s tight grip around her neck, as they hugged, almost choked her to death.

Mr Yim's eyes outcasted through the doorway, there was a light patter of rain yet the howl of the wind had subsided significantly. He let out a small hum before returning back to the young pair staring, ardently, back at him.

"I say Mr Choi, should be your chaperone. It's a little unsafe to be going out by yourself." Before she could open her mouth and argue, her father held out a hand to silence her thoughts. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she nodded once more, before dashing from the room to have a flustered Mr Choi following her.

Hitching up her skirts, she trudged through the field, the sun had filtered into the sky radiating its essence onto the young souls as they surpassed the reams of houses. Had it not been for the joyous discord of infantile laughter, it would have been quiet; San mustering the courage to initiate a conversation. He cleared his throat, she merely blinked at his futile attempt at grabbing her attention.

"Miss Yim, you must slow down I can't keep up with your pace." He declared, striding faster towards her, the tall grass brushing against his knees.

"I think you can cope, Sir. Your legs are longer than mine." Walking through the grass wasn't difficult but when her hanbok was floor length, lifting up the heavy fabric proved tiresome and not to mention her shoes were sinking into the muddy fields, squelching miserably under her heavy steps. Eventually, San matched her pace as they made their way up the steps to the Kang estate.

A shrill voice eructed into the airs, the domestic staff worked at a proficient speed as they amended the damages inflicted from the storm. As a group of servants raised the logs from the path, San ran to their aid significantly lightening their work load. His charity had left her silent contemplating her initial thoughts on his persona. There must be something impure under all that. Surely? There had to be some reason why his father practically disowned him.

Kang Yeosang stood by his front doors, watching as his staff worked the lawn and through the large home. He sought the enigmatic painter launch up the steps, with an unreadable look painted on her face.

“Good Morning, Miss Yim.”

“Morning, Yeosang.” She greeted, he laughed a little at her dull tone.

“I take it, there’s nothing particularly good about this morning.” He jeered, she huffed at his characteristically exuberant manner.

“Not when my father’s spy is here to be my chaperone.” She turned around on the steps, the pair looking down at San moving the heavy logs from the path, dirtying his robes at that. “He’s the new apprentice at the local office, Choi San, I think he said his name was.”

"Oh, the country boy." Country boy? "He's from Yangdong, have you not heard? His family is amongst the richest, they're both scholars and farmers, now." Across the country, Joseon farming techniques had taken a turn within the last few decades, especially with the establishment of irrigation and rice transplantation methods- bringing Joseon to a state of flourishment. It was safe to say, which farmer wasn't rich now? The admirable farm boy was pushed away by the servants, making his way up the steps. Leaving him with Yeosang, she made her way in the direction of the couples' shared quarters, Mrs Kang draped over her bed, her wrist dramatically resting on her forehead.

"Hello, Mrs Kang." The woman jolted up from her seat, an obnoxious groan emitted from her as she propped her back up against the wall. "I brought you your herbs."

"Thank you, my love. You left your paints, they're just on my dressing table." The herbs were exchanged from her paints, digging into the pockets of her hanbok. The older woman began to natter, the discordant tonality rattling in her ears. Mrs Kang loved to talk. Even if it was about absolutely nothing, that woman talked for the whole of Joseon.

I'm leaving this place with a headache.

She often wondered how it was that Yeosang put up with his insufferable wife. Was it love, or a promise that he had made to Mrs Kang's parents that he would never leave her? The thought made her sigh in pity- to be permanently bound to someone in matrimony seemed like too much effort at times. Perhaps the effort itself is what subdued her mother to misery, the poor Mrs Yim eagerly handing her soul to the Angel of Death. Or maybe Miss Yim had possessed a stone-cold heart frozen over by the neglect of life's intimate essence; overpowered by a sense of maturity held over by her mother's early death. She took it upon herself to make it clear that by the time she was thirty, if there was no proposal that had come around she was going to wholly abandon the idea of marriage and work herself to death.

"That man is so pretty." She spoke, dreamily, Miss Yim's eyes lazily fled in the direction of Mrs Kang's. Her head poked through the doorway where both Yeosang and San were travelling down, engaging in intelligent discourse. "Not Yeo, the other one." The pregnant woman clarified.

"He's ok, I suppose. Not bewitching enough to tempt me."

"That has to be the biggest lie I have ever heard."

"What is Miss Yim lying about now?" Yeosang provoked as both men entered the room. Both women shared a look before the painter slumped onto the dressing table chair. "I suppose you're awaiting your payment."

"Well, my services aren't free." She declared, pompously. Yeosang rolled his eyes before he moved to the opposite end of the room, San had almost drawn his body out of the bedroom, a little embarrassed as the pregnant Mrs Kang ogled her eyes at him. Stretching her limbs, she got up taking the velvet bag. "Thank you, Mr Kang. I'll visit when the baby arrives."

His perfection had her repleted with such distaste for him. Simply put, Miss Yim hated Choi San because he was loved by all. Her father loved him, Ina adored him, the maids were constantly drooling over him it shot her with a sense of annoyance. He quickly became a household name, spoken of when he was at the office with her father and even when he was at home. Everywhere she went it was just him, him and him. The worst thing was, was that he was even trying to be nice to her prevailing through her grim looks and hard words.

“San this, San that. Honestly, he’s not even as esteemed as everyone claims, Ina. He’s just a man, like every other man. And all men are the same. So what if he's good looking, does that suddenly make him god’s greatest gift?” Burying her face into the pillow, an exasperated huff escaped her lips. Ina fell onto her bed, reaching her arms out to stroke her mistress’ back. With a contented sigh, she felt her eyes drooping a little as the maid's soft caresses were gently lulling her to sleep. Her touch felt like that of her mother's, soothing the aches of her heart whilst simultaneously provoking the nostalgia of a mother's love. To have her mother again, to have that woman encircle her into her arms. Rock her back and forth. She longed for her mother's scent again, often chasing the whiff of her familiar saccharine redolence as one chased butterflies in an open field.

“Yet you think of him often. He occupies your thoughts as much as he occupies ours.”

“Hardly, I-,” She stammered in a desperate attempt to recollect her thoughts into a single ambience. “I envy him. How is that he steps into this home for a second and I see my father smile?” Ina’s face dropped, a breath caught in her throat as her mistress spoke aloud the forbidden words she denied her staff to even breathe. The older maid had been rendered silent for too long, giving Miss Yim all of the answers she needed to press forward with her wistful assumptions.

"Perhaps if you grew to understand him, you would know why your father has inhabited such emotions for him. Think of him like a son-in-law. He will love him but not as much as he loves you." The maid reasoned.

"Then that makes him my husband." She grumbled, pulling the duvet over her shoulders.

"Now is that so bad?” Ina teased, before pulling her weight off the bed. With no strength to argue, her eyes fluttered to a close; her soul being dissolved by the night.

The following morning, it was too cold to be even sitting on her porch and with eyes tired of the same dreary scene, she ventured out of her quarters, delving into parts of the home she had missed. By the kitchens, the late Mrs Yim had reserved herself a small room decorated with the tools of all her hobbies in order to enact time alone for herself, away from motherhood and social responsibility. The room was consistently cleaned but usually left empty having it being full of painful memories of the beloved mistress of the household. For the first time in a long time, Miss Yim had felt the drive to find the room again and read her mother's poetry she had spent hours pouring over in the rooms.

Yet it had been almost shot stone-cold dead when the door opened to find San sat by the window hands raised towards the canvas. The anger within her refused to simmer or boil, it was rather the smooth swaying of the soft waves lapping the crust of sand. Her hands feebly reached for the poetry book on the table.

"I didn't know you were a painter, Mr Choi." She proclaimed, her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes sought the intricate details on the canvas. Her eyes glossed over the colours, the succinct shapes, drawing on the brushstrokes herself with the sharp movements of her eyes. It moved her. When was the last time she had been left this breathless?

"You never asked, Miss Yim." Immediately she felt intimidated by his artwork, her own revered drawings felt meek in comparison to his. A mere apprentice in an important official’s presence. To even be this close to him was considered a blessing. "You can sit next to me. I don't bite." Tentatively, she drew closer seating herself on the floorboards next to him; the brush of their fabrics sending a tidal wave of timidness over her. Where was the bold, steadfast Mrs Yim? Long gone, lost to the large expanse of the sea. Drowning under the ocean of his perfection. She didn't even want call for help, allowing herself to be enveloped by his allure. You draw so beautifully, she wanted to say. It's perfect, like something-someone even.

"You should have been a royal painter." The remark was swallowed into a melancholic void within his heart. Sparing a glance, he dipped the tip of the paintbrush into the crevice of the cerulean blue paint before raising to illustrate the canvas.

"Don't say that to my father." She sought the gloom glossed over his brown eyes. Was he, too, held down by social responsibility and expectations? She didn't think it was possible for a man's dreams to be mauled over by society; for she saw it with her father who had the whole world at his feet-picking dreams as if he was picking daisies from a meadow. Dropping her book onto the floor, she rested her head on her knee, solicitude fulfilled the serene atmosphere. Her eyes fell over the fancy metallic pots situated around the easel, which she knew to be various colours of paint pigments. Resting her head on her knee, she tenderly rocked her body from side to side as she watched his hands elegantly work through the canvases.

"Did you ever consider pottery? That's supposed to be quite popular now." Her question breaking through the quiet airs, the delicacy of her voice startling San. It was devoid of boredom, or disinterest like he had always perceived. No lace of judgement like he was silently praying to be diminished from her soul.

"It'll grow out of popularity soon." He stated, resting the paintbrush down to exercise the tense muscles in his hands. "I heard this was the late Mrs Yim's room, I hope you don't mind me being here." It, too, came as a shock to her when she shook her head-with no care in the world that he had colonised the room that she was once sure was hers.

It was sunny for once, which was odd for this time of year-she thought throwing open the door to the porch finding San surrounded by a large number of logs and an axe.

"What's he doing outside?" She pondered, Ina folding up the washed bedsheets before tucking them away into the drawers.

"They stopped properly chopping up the logs so we can use them for the fire, so Mr Choi offered to help." Wandering out through the doors, a smooth current of air tousled her hair, a book held tightly against her chest.

God, he really was toned. Rolling up the sleeves of his hanbok all the way to his bulging biceps, the maids all stopped in their path to rest their elbows on the low garden wall overseeing the vast expanse of grass. Effortlessly he picked up the axe, raising it over his head to slice down the log of wood. She rolled her eyes at her maids, as they watched him with dreamy faces. They nattered in hushed tones, giggling amongst themselves unbeknownst that their mistress was stood behind them. Leaning down to where they were sat on the garden wall, she poked her head in between the sea of charmed maidens.

“What are we looking at?” They squeaked, jumping up from their seats upon sight of their mistress- flapping their hands as some rushed back into the kitchen and others tended to garden duties. “Well? I would like to know too.”

“You wouldn’t understand Miss Yim.” Yes, yes she was the narcissistic Miss Yim who harboured no feelings for men and couldn’t deduce their charming airs. She was the Miss Yim who rejected countless marriage proposals, not based on looks but merely because she found that no man possessed the kind quality in a man that she was seeking. No patience, no loyalty. They were not even ruled by a sense of ambition. So how could she be hypnotised by the sacred beauty of a man, specifically, Choi San.

“Yes, I don’t understand why you’re not doing the job that we’re paying for you to do. All of you, out of the garden, it’s already been tended to!” She shouted, in an instant all of the maids dispersed back into the home. Huffing, she slumped onto the garden wall, glazing her ink pen over the defined lines on the page. Occasionally, she’d peer her eyes over the pages at San, tending to the curve of his body, and the horrific cinching of his waist. When he looked to his side, she hastily returned back to her sketchbook, feeling a blush decorate her cheeks as his steady gaze burned into her skin.

“Very accurate, Miss Yim.” Jumping up from her seat, she screeched the pot of ink spilling onto his face and neck. Whoops.

“Oh goodness, I am so sorry. Ah.” She let out a pained sound, battling with her internal conflict as she grabbed his hand rushing them into the direction of the porch that led to her quarters. Powerfully, she slid the door open darting inside and towards the washroom. Hauling him down to his knees in front of the washing basin, with a soaked rag in hand, she scraped away the ink splashed across his face. “Take this off.” She ordered, signalling to his hanbok.

“W-what?” He stammered, his face heating red.

“Well you’ve got ink and dirt all over it. I can get a new one for you.”

“I can’t just return back to my quarters and change?”

“Well no because then my father will see you and he’ll know I stole his ink again.” An annoyed huff escaped from his lips as she handed him the rag to clean himself. “Here, I’ll go get you a spare set of clothes.” Jumping up from where she was kneeled, her foot slipped over a puddle of water his arms snapped out towards her waist. Gripping his shoulders for stability, a faint blush trickled over her face, their noses barely an inches distance.

"Be careful." Quickly unravelling her hands from his shoulders, Miss Yim ran out of the room towards his quarters. Slipping past the double doors, she rummaged through the drawers for his clothes-picking up a light green set.

"Mr Choi?" A maid's voice called out from behind the closed door. Discerning their shadow moving closer, she made a beeline through the open doors leading into the garden. Scuttling into her washroom, she practically launched the hanbok at him before hiding in her room.

A breath of relief had finally escaped from her when he left from her room, both of their faces burning red in the midst of this shameful meeting. Yet San seemed persistent to know her, feeling that there was still something beneath the stone-cold façade she had constructed; something emotional and raw that he had felt he had to know. And Miss Yim was too becoming more curious, by the day, as to what Choi San’s secret was and why his father perpetually hated him.

Ina had forced them to go on a walk together, she groaned, silently, as they left the home behind making their way down to the meadow. At first an odd tranquillity permeated the air, eventually she grew tired of the jarring dissonance of absolutely nothing.

“A penny for your thoughts?” She inquired.

“I’ll keep the penny. I almost feel you’d judge me for having thoughts.” San bemused, she rolled her eyes, a faint of a smile on her lips. Just the tiniest, but it was practically gone within the same second.

“I don’t judge you, Mr Choi. I do, however, envy you. You’ve taken the place I wanted in my father’s heart.” She confessed, he looked towards her sympathetically, with knowingness that she was indeed right and the Mr Yim, famous for being just as aloof as his daughter, had somehow softened a little upon his arrival. Perhaps it was a son that he had always wanted, not a daughter but the scholar was reserved; San being too terrified to pry.

“Your place is best occupied elsewhere. Somebody else has it, I’m sure. He keeps it safe with love that is too potent that even dreamers can’t feign.” Of course was reading her mother's poetry, she didn't think many could understand the abstract nature of her words; of course it was him out of all who admired her poetry as it was his own.

"I am not pretty enough for that." Miss Yim argued, looking down at her feet. After all, the marriage proposals were not because of her vague good looks, but mainly because Mr Yim claimed an abundance of wealth.

"I disagree with you on that." Her face heated with his affirmation.

"Well, I am no Jang Ok-Jeong."

"There are many beautiful women in Joseon, not all of them have ever been recorded."

"She caught the eye of the King, a man who has a kingdom at his feet, he is supposed to be too superior to even look at his subjects. And he looks at her? Is that not a beautiful woman?" They were both fuelled by this argument, the debate igniting a set of powerful emotions that roared within them. This, was what they both deeply felt conversations were supposed to be. Potent discourse about society, literature and art. Not idle chatter on the weather, marriage and the social laws that subdued them.

"A man is supposed to be ruled by his head, not emotions. I say if any man bestowed more than a single glance, on a woman, and his breath was taken away, then she is more gorgeous than Venus herself."

"Not that wretched painting. It's so...vulgar." San snickered, squeezing his eyes as he let out a melodious laughter. "It says so much about the male gaze." She spat out as they trudged through the fields back in the direction of her home.

“I wonder if you like any art, at all? Other than your own?” He questioned.

“Owon is good. Apart from the vulgarity of Renaissance paintings-,”

“Which I must say is the majority of the whole movement, pray, continue.” He teased, his pestering smirk seemed to stitch wings on her heart, for it fluttered at his amiability, his devoutness to mankind and all of its endearing qualities and his perseverance. Despite her uncompromising attitudes and distasteful demeanour, he seemed compliant with listening to her, talking to her, truly trying to understand her and not just turning a blind eye. Choi San truly wanted to know her, for her; and not follow some false allegation that she was devoid of a heart or soul. He commended she had both and they were wrought with an existentialist quality that he wanted nothing but to huddle in the corner of a library and read away his life until it dissolved under the cover of her persona.

"What about you?" She questioned, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her own ear. At once, San was drawn into the world of virtuosity describing each of his favourite pieces as if it could be encapsulated into a single globe. The sweet dissonance of his voice lugging her into a dreamscape as they gently glissaded through the empty hallways of the Yim estate. They sought their eyes over the panelled wall, following the intricate lines of carved wood. They could almost be called mad people loose from the dreaded ward. For their eyes did not see the same way a normal persons did. He saw the shimmer in the air, the light poring through the crevices, the faint blemishes on a skin unseen with a naked eye-too vague to be called a taint, a mark, a scar. And she would see what he saw, whether it was not there she could reach to the depths of her sanity and pour out the image before her eyes to satisfy him.

It became a wonder to her how they spent several nights, the light patter of her feet as she rushed to his quarters with fulfilling arguments over art pieces, sharing techniques, rifling through each other's sketchbooks. His style was a stark contrast to her own: luminous watercolours, velvety acrylic paints, oily crayons. His muses were full of life and wonder, the strokes brimming with fruition. It was if a single segment of his painting held more hope than what could exist in her whole being.

There was something about him, too. She could see it now, his compassion, his adoration. As the weeks spun by, she became less repulsed by his sincerity and opened up to it more, almost finding herself craving his attention. His affection was much welcomed; she often wondered what it would be like to be so loved by him.

In her mother's old drawing room, she found him again, his large hands drifting over the pages again. Peering over his shoulder, she softly blew into his ear; the warmth tickling him.

"What are you drawing?" Her eyes scanned over the cartridge sheet, its intimacy striking her. It looked like her. Every sketch line, every shade, every little detail, every little blemish on her face.

"You." He answered, he didn't dare tear his eyes away from her for her hair was falling down her face in perfect waves that lured him into uncharted depths.

"You drew me so pretty."

"I only drew what I saw." Her heart wavered in piety, his devotion provoking an arrangement of madness. He was going to drive her insane and she was content with it.

"I wonder, what was it that you were excommunicated for?" Her silence broke through the passionate airs, culminating the objectivity that fulfilled among them as his sins held heavy on his tongue.

"I am not a scholar, a farmer or a devout son. I am an artist, a man who sees the world despite all of its maliciousness. I see the world so raw, it almost disgusts me but I am not terrified by its honesty. I find it so beautiful, it belongs on a page: drawn." Her body swayed towards him, hypnotised by his delicate words drawn his intoxicating tenacity, filling her with such immitigable rage that within that severe moment all she wanted was him. "I was 'excommunicated' because I am not the man my father wants me to be. I return as soon as I am devoid of all the emotions he renders vile." Tentatively, her fingers curled through his hair his eyes fluttering shut under her gentle touch.

"What about you Miss Yim? Why are you so solitary?" He murmured, their quiet voices serenaded the room.

"I am not solitary by choice. It's been enforced upon me and I know nothing and no one else but myself." Her whispers, though full of hurt and pain, were seldom dulcet. He thrived himself upon her words alone, it was enough to send him into delirium but her whole unmatched beauty with her words? He was sure to be sent to the wretched institute.

With an envelope gripped in her hands, she made her way over to his quarters slipping into the warmth, his smile greeting her as she slumped onto the chair in front of him.

"Mrs Choi? Your mother?" She inquired, handing over the envelope. San snickered at her nosiness, rolling her eyes as he took the sheet from her grasp, ripping open the seal to reel his eyes down the page.

"Actually, it's my wife." He announced, sparing her a single glance as he continued to read the words sprawled across the page. A sharp pang penetrated through the barriers in her heart, she felt her feet slipping under the ground, the walls pulverising as they caved in on her. For some reason, the room felt much more smaller than it was. Her heart was beating faster than any poetic declaration he had bestowed upon her, any time he had made her feel as if she was truly a worthy soul of being loved. Her heart palpitated faster than when he made her feel she would not die from a cataclysmic loneliness.

"I didn't know you were married." She breathed out, gripping the sage green silk in hand; feeling almost disgusted with herself for fixating her whole being on a man who never belonged to her in the beginning.

"We'll be officially married when I return back home." With a teasing smile on his lips, he grabbed a clean sheet from his desk and began elegantly carving the characters onto the page. "I'll be sure to send you an invite, if you'll come?"

“Of course, I’ll come. You know, for the food.” She quipped, his dimpled smile shattering the months of pining she had set for this revered soul. “I’ll take your leave, San.”

She fled from the room her bare feet blessing the sweet earth, the velvety wisps of the wind taunting her as tears welled up in her eyes. With a breath hitched in her throat, she fell onto her bed; bottom lip quivering as pearl tears escaped from her eyes dribbling down her cheeks before splattering onto the bedsheets. Her painful howl terrorised the desolate quarters as she had done on several dispassionate nights, the skies mimicked her torment, the light patter of rain hit against the window as if it understood all her wretched emotions. As if it understood her anger, hatred and hurt. As if it understood how disgusting it felt be left vulnerable by a man who could never be hers.

Was it some false delusion that she had been seduced by? That he, who was carved from a sculpturers most wild emotions, by all of his tenacity and his violent rage that he wished to create a being made of light: could truly be hers? By his yearning and pent up sentiment, by his dying wish that this world was not at peace until some divine figure from a concealed land would touch her world? Her hands shook as she sought to remove the tears streaming endlessly down her face. After all it had now made sense to all of the sympathetic souls that had heard her be plunged through such pain, to read her tale and understand the reason for her aloof nature.

Up the walls went back up. Brick by brick.

Curse you, Choi San, for breaking them down in the first place.

San had not seen Miss Yim for the remainder of the week or the subsequent. Granted, he had been flooded with an overwhelming amount of work but such was to be expected with the incredible staff shortage and Mr Yim’s high expectations. Regardless, he missed the snarky comments and unrelenting stares from across the room. He missed her moodiness, how ever infuriating it was at times; he missed the sense of quietude she presented at his feet and its ability to render his mind numb. Overall, he missed her. Yet, she seemed to be nowhere in sight and in fact missing even under the cover of the night.

“Ina, do you know where I can find Miss Yim?” He questioned, the agony rupturing the sutures of his weak heart apart.

"In her room, Mr Choi. She's, specifically, requested not to see anyone." Oh. His mood deflated after that concession, wracking his mind for all the things he had said in their last engagement; anything potentially hurtful or offensive but he didn’t recall anything particularly endangering. His quest to venture into her quarters, despite her ruthless commands which had the servants petrified over her uncharacteristic (but not abnormal) behaviour, had been cut short by Mr Yim’s desire to keep a tightened hold on the apprentice. He thought about bringing it up as he ate dinner with his mentor.

“How is Miss Yim? I heard she’s isolated herself in her quarters?” He raised, tentatively, as Mr Yim’s eyes scoured down the reports. Her father was a little too quick to dismiss her actions.

“Never mind her, that’s not something new. I was surprised she was even roaming around the house when you arrived…” Mr Yim trailed off as a thought infiltrated his mind, shutting the book close, his furrowed brows silenced the questions in San’s mind.

The moonlight spilt in through the window, the luminous shadows dancing with the light breeze. With dried tear tracks staining her puffy cheeks, she circulated her finger around the cotton sheets pulling up the heavy duvet over her shoulders, a trail of heat comforted her. The door to her room, silently, slid open; oblivious to the soft bustling of footsteps she stretched her limbs sitting up in her bed.

“Miss Yim?” Her head snapped up at the deep voice, its familiarity sending an agonising wave of heartache through her being. There he was, the perpetrator himself, settling in front of her with a teacup in his palms as if nothing had happened in the first place. “Are you ok? I know you don’t like echinacea, so I got you lemon and ginger tea.” Placing the tea cup on her night stand, he rested his palm against her forehead.

“What are you doing here, San?” Huffing, she fisted up the hair in her palms before sticking a dry paint brush through it to create a tight knot.

“You’re burning u- were you crying?” His finger lightly smoothed her damp skin, shaking her head she pushed his hand away from her face. God, she felt awful for his wife who had to endure his infidelity. “What’s wrong, jagiya, speak to me?” Biting down on her lower lip, Miss Yim threw her gaze out of her window, she sought the light shimmering as her vision blurred.

“Just leave, please.” There was no more hostility left in her tone, a coarse throat lacerated with the phlegm that built up from endless nights of sobbing herself to sleep. Tiredness gnawed at her, she just wanted to dissolve back into the covers. Pleading, begging she’d do whatever she could to force him to leave because if he didn’t then she would tear down the path to the Angel of Death and beg him to take her dwindling heart. On her knees she would go, for the mere sight of her lover crumbled the steadfast walls she had tried so hard to rebuild.

“Are you upset because I’m going home next week? If that’s the case-,”

“San, are you dense?” She interrupted. He was subjugated to silence, a look of hurt flashing over his face. “Leave means leave.” Adjusting her body so she could slide under the covers, she stridently hauled the fabric over her head, gripping her lips tight shut, so no more pitiful sobs escaped her and she was no more a servant to his cruel love.

The Yim estate was left with a melancholic air as the venerated bachelor made his preparations to leave the home. The maids were forlorn as they’d no longer have the privilege of seeing his striking face to bless their monotone days. Miss Yim had finally mustered the courage to take a stroll through the garden, avoiding San's quarters at that. Lingering by the flowers, she wrapped her arms around herself to manifest a sense of warmth that failed to prevail with the awful weather. She didn't notice her lover tear down the garden to her, his heart leaping within his own chest.

"Miss Yim?" Her body whipped around upon his words, her hands balled up into fists the anger displaced by fear. "Do you know how painful it has been for me to go days without seeing you? I am leaving for Yangdong, today, and god knows if I didn't even so much as see your face I would have gone feral."

"I- why?" She stuttered, at a desperate attempt to collect together her words and form a sentence. How and when did he culminate such passionate feelings for her?

"Why? Isn't it obvious? I am in love with you." He declared, she shook her head, profusely, at him.

"How can you say that?" Her voice raised an octave, parrying against the harsh winds that blew at them.

“If being in love with you is a deadly sin, then I am the greatest sinner there is. I will walk up to the gates of hell and open them myself. Hand over my arms and ask them to bound me to its greatest depths.” His chest heaved up and down, tears brimming at the front of her eyes. “I cannot live without you. I would not even do so much as breathe unless you asked me to. If you asked me to stop breathing, I would!”

“You’re a married man, San. Do you know how god awful that sounds?”

“I’m barely married but engaged. When I go back home, I will once again beg to not be wed off to her. I don’t love her, how can my father expect me to marry her? How can you expect me to marry her?”

“I don’t think you understand, San. I can’t love you.” His arms outstretched for her waist, hauling her towards him, the rain beating down on them both. With the gentle flick of his finger, her head tipped up to peer into his eyes.

“Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me, or even feel as much as a small emotion for me. One word from you, would silence me forever.” She bit furiously down on her lip as his vehement fixation tore through the borders of her soul. When did she fall so vulnerable in his conquest for her being?

“I don’t love you the same way you love me. I am incapable of doing so.” His own brown eyes fulfilled with hot tears, pouring soundlessly down his cheeks. Her heart wavered with misery as he ripped away his grip, stumbling backwards upon her untruth.

“I understand. Thank you, Miss Yim. For the first time in my life, someone saw me for who I really am and not who I am meant to be.” Once again, the thunder cracked against the sky as San turned his back on her striding back into the home. The maids ran out to shut the doors, summoning their mistress back in but she sunk to the floor erupting into a fit of sobs; a wave of shock rattling through them. Her heart burned with such pain, even as Ina cooed lifting her up from the floor to guide her back into the home. Melting into the older woman's arms, her ears drowned out the distant sound of her lover ambling far, far away from her to a land in which even its notion would never grace the depths of her mind.

Her father's office was warm, but not the comforting kind as the biting airs of Joseon persisted. It was more suffocating as they sat across from each other in his office, discussing the state of her future now that he had managed to complete some of burdening tasks at work. He had several proposals lined in front of her, some prospects from his workplace, some from Mr Kang and even Ina had managed to find one or two seemingly agreeable men within their social class. A sigh fulfilled her, it would be a lie to say that she didn't look for the smallest hint of San within them all.

"I'm sorry Father, I don't like any of these men." He closed his eyes in indignation, rubbing his face before collecting the sheets from in front of her and throwing them into the fire. The embers cackled in a slow, seething ferocity as he leaned back in his chair.

"I honestly don't know what to do with you anymore. You won't marry, you won't leave your quarters. You've stopped helping around the house. All you want to do is sit in your room all day and stare into space." He scolded, she shook her head before raising from her seat. "You are becoming a burden to me."

"Well if I am such a burden to you, then just get rid of me." She taunted. An animosity truanted through him at her discourtesy.

“What do you think I have been trying to do since your mother left us? It should have not been your mother that had died! It should have been you! I would trade my soul to have your mother in place of you.” He blurted, before quickly slapping the palm of his hand to his mouth, cursing him for the spoiled words that left it.

“I would trade my soul too, to have my mother where you stand. You are a poor excuse of a man and to call you my father is an insult to me.” She hissed through gritted teeth, the shock reverberating at Mr Yim’s core; the severity of her words pulsating through his blood.

“You shouldn’t have been a father if all I was going to be to you was a pretty doll in a picture. The truth was she didn’t die because she was ill, it was the heartbreak of carrying a whole marriage on her back. It was the fact that you didn’t care about her wants, but your own.”

"You are in no position to say that to me. I loved your mother like it was breathing, I loved her as if she was the greatest blessing, as if God had granted me mercy for all the times I had done him wrong." His chest suspired, brittle hands shaking as a heavy tension remained suspended in the air between them; Ina loitering outside afraid to walk into the war zone.

"But you didn't love me! It was my mother who loved me, and I wasn't allowed to have her! I wasn't my mother's daughter, or my father's. I was a daughter of a servant with my name merely attached to you." At the end of the day, she was the figure in those paintings. Trapped within a frame, four equidistant lines on a piece of cartridge paper, bound by brushstrokes, sketch lines, constricted and held down by the artist. Subservient and stuck to a position in which she could not move.

Mr Yim deserved the brutal honesty of those words, no matter how harsh it was, and with a pounding headache, she ran out of his office ignoring her father’s calls for her to return to his side. This was it, there was nothing and no one by her side now and she was now the destitute figure that she had feared she would become.

“What’s wrong my dear? What’s hurt you so much?” Ina’s soft voice dilapidated at her mistress’ gloom, one she had seen prolong within her late madam too. Squeezing her eyes shut, she summoned the courage to spill her heart to her maid. She told her of how much she adored him, how deeply she wanted him and the ways in which he had made her fall in love with him. And how he had hurt her too.

“So call me heartless and apathetic all you want but I couldn’t take another woman’s man from her.”

“My love.” Ina’s weak fingers travelled through her hair. “You are far from heartless and apathetic. A man who you love is your whole life, you gave your life away to another woman.” She looked over to Ina, falling into her motherly embrace, breathing in her scent. There it was. The same scent that her mother had, the scent she was dreaming to come back to her in the midst of the night, and her a fool to dismiss that it was in front of her the whole time.

“What should I do now?” Her weak inquiry, breaking her heart, sinking deeper into the void than she already was.

“Go back to him and tell him you love him. He is a gentleman who accepts despondency like a soldier. So you, his general, must go back and tell him to return home to you.”

“Ina-,”

“Do not deny yourself of what you deserve. Your mother did, I won’t see you walk the same path.”

“I will let time run its cycle. Time will tell if he is meant to be mine.” She declared, to which the maid rested her palm on her cheek.

Mrs Kang’s baby boy, Kang Minho, was indeed a beauty. His bedazzling little eyes stared up at her in wonder, babbling as she lightly drew the tip of her finger over his chubby cheeks. It was astonishing for Mrs Kang to see that it was merely a little baby that would eruct a smile out of the secluded Miss Yim. It had been about four months since San had left the estate, and a while it took for her to leave the confines of her quarters. Once again, she took requests after requests painting and painting until her hands became stiff and sore. And so even more marriage prospects came, and her eyes lingered slightly over a potential husband. Both Ina and her father were pleased when she stayed a little longer at the doorway of their home talking to one of the young apprentice’s at the office. He was tall, handsome and kind; perhaps it was flickers of San she saw within him that had her thinking that spending the rest of her life with this man: wouldn’t be particularly gruesome. Regardless, she made no firm decision but still, for her father this was significant progress.

“He likes you.” Mrs Kang chimed, grinning down at her baby. She hummed carefully, softly tickling his smooth cheeks.

“Maybe I like him too.” Her gaze lightly flickered to the elated mother. “Where is Yeosang? I didn’t see him on my way in?”

“Oh he’s in his office with San.” Her head snapped up from the baby at the sound of his name. Goodness, how long had it been since she had heard that single syllable name, forever it seemed it would merely reverberate inside her head. “Did you not know he was in town? He came to see Minho.” Shaking her head, she got up from the bed consoling herself.

“I- I think I’ll leave now. I’ll come visit another time.” She announced, before awkwardly patting Mrs Kang’s head; a poor endeavour at affection but for Mrs Kang this affection was whole-heartedly appreciated. Her footsteps sped down the hallways, she came to an abrupt halt at the exist of the Kang estate.

There he was, stood there with Yeosang conversing if they were age-old best friends her heart palpitated with anxiety, knowing that she’d have to walk past him again. The sight of him almost triggered her, she gripped onto her deep purple skirts, his own yellow hanbok beaming like the sun.

“Miss Yim! I didn’t know you had arrived, leaving so soon?” Mr Kang chirped from the door. She shook at her head at him.

“I’ve been here for over an hour and a half. I’ll visit another time, especially since Minho is the only tolerable person in this household.”

“Just say you love him.” A grumble erupted from her lips, she rolled her eyes- with a delicate playfulness- before squeezing past the pair of men. A pounding of footsteps travelled after her as she trudged back through the fields in the direction of her home.

“Miss Yim, allow me to accompany you.” San professed, breathlessly. With a diligent nod, she transgressed forwards ignoring his burning gaze into her skin. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine. What about you?” He responded he was great all the same, reporting that the weather in Yangdong was a little warmer than in her hometown.

“When is your wedding date? I’m still awaiting on an invite.” It was a joke, nonetheless, but one that didn't hesitate to puncture holes in her heart.

“We broke off the engagement, it was mutual really. She was in love with someone else.” With a breath lodged in her throat, her stare tore away from the fields piercing straight into his eyes. It was then she had realised how burdened he truly was. Where was the San that always smiled and joked, and was so full of love it seemed inhumane to have so much of it? They didn't need to say anything to each other in that moment, they stopped walking subsided to a silent, paralysed position. "I think I'll just take your leave." His voice quivered, sending a jolt of agony through her.

Hadn't she made him suffer enough? After all he was the same man who loved her as if she was the vessel that kept the blood running through his veins, his heart beating and his feet walking.

Go back to him and tell him you love him.

Tell him to return back home to you.

His body almost disappeared behind the vast expanse of buildings, when she raced down the fields, as fast as her legs could carry her, ignoring the vicious ache gnawing at her muscles and the agitated pounding of her heart against her chest. Tearing down the path towards him, in the chance that if she didn't run any faster she was going to lose her lover to the wind.

"San!" Her shout echoed in the breeze, but reached to his ears anyway, a tug at the weak strings that had barely held down his soul. He turned, so desperate that she would come to him like she had done in the dead of the night. Feeling his lover crawl into his arms, pledging that she would never leave from his side.

"Miss Yim, what's wrong?"

“I lied to you, when I said I didn’t love you. I really, really do, I almost feel disgusted by it. I never thought, that someone as ruthless and as cold as me would be privileged enough to fall in love but when you entered my life I felt like my mother.” She sucked in a deep breath, her lover making gentle steps toward her as the wind whipped their hair. “I felt like her when she said: ‘If he was the muse in a painting, to be an object, a fleck of paint, or even dust on it would be my greatest honour.’” Warm tears forged in his eyes, biting down his bottom lip to prevent them from escaping. She wanted to outstretch her arms towards him but it was too soon.

“So, Choi San, it’s an honour to be loved by you. I came back, because I had to tell you that. I hurt you so much. I was scared that being vulnerable to love would only hurt me but the only person who gave me such torment was myself.” Her confession disturbed her, yet it was the unspoken truth that only he was entitled to. A tense silence suffused the air as she pended his response, but all he could do was try to convince himself that it was not a dream and she really had said all of the words he had spent countless nights praying that she would declare.

“I love you, Miss Yim. I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you for eternity. There is simply nothing that one can do to tear my heart away from yours, not even you.”

"Do you mean that?" It was a stupid question, but she could not help the words be spilled from her mouth. He nodded violently.

"I do. With my whole entity." Choking back on her sobs, her arms reached out for him throwing them around his neck. Nuzzling her face in the crook of his neck, her grip tightened as he ensnared his hands around her waist; breathing in her scent as if it was oxygen. "Come home with me my dear, come home and be mine."

•••

All Right Reserved © the-midnight-blooms

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, REPURPOSE, OR PLAGISRISE ANY OF THE WORK HERE

'Yim' meaning light

A/N: the long awaited painter!san fic (with a twist 😏) that i've been waiting too long to put out. I hope you liked this one. :))

let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for any future fics I post!

tags: @n0v4t33z @potatos-on-clouds @jjongwho

[thelargefrye]

Hi! ~ What do you think how ateez reacts watching EXILE HER kissing/bed scene in her first ever acting project 🤭😂

ATEEZ REACTS TO YOUR KISSING SCENE IN A DRAMA ... reaction ( 18+ )

pairing : idol!ateez x idol!f!reader

genre : bullet-point style, reaction, exile her au, idol au, comedy, fluff, kind of spicy (but nothing really happens, just implied)

word count : 2k

warnings : some language, mentions of making-out / intimate scenes / fake blood (these are all alluded to in the drama)

note : tried to keep the members all at the same length lol. also, i made this her second acting project which i will make a post about at a later date, so just a heads up lol

honorary tag : @sanjoongie

context on drama: it trended on different platforms for being a number of reasons but one of them is because of the intimate scenes that are in it between you and your co-star, park jihoon. this is ateez's reactions when they watch it and see all those different scenes.

HONGJOONG

hongjoong was caught off-guard immediately with the first scene in the FIRST episode

man was SHOOK with how you and your co-star were making out, camera zooming in on you both as you kiss and then panning as jihoon's hands trailed down your body

he was getting flashbacks to when you make-out and he does the exact same things

so of course he ended up imagining himself in the scene with you

what it would be like to shoot something like this with you

by the end of the scene he was completely jealous of your co-star because he wanted to do something like this with you

like the image of you kissing would be burned into his eyelids and he HATED IT

def didn't help how excited you were to watch your drama with him and others

mainly because you knew these scenes were here and when he turned to look at you at some point during the episode

he found you already staring at him, like you were watching his reactions

and he immediately regrets agreeing to watch it with you because he knows you were enjoying watching him suffer like this

so he tried to hide his jealousy at times but he couldn't help but get absorbed into the story of your character

so then by the end of it, he found himself more intrigued than jealous

but we all know he was still jealous at least on the inside

SEONGHWA

when you told seonghwa that this drama would be more mature he thought it meant something in the sense of gore and action

which it had that but he was completely caught off guard with some of more intense scenes

and not to mention the ones where you and your co-star were a little too intimate for him not to feel at least a little jealous

but seonghwa had to remind himself that it was all fake and that you were cuddled up next to him in his bed

he had promised to watch it with you when him and the others finished their tour and as hard as it was to avoid the drama

he managed to do it, completely avoiding any and everything about it

even when the other members watched it, he would ignore them when they talked about

and honestly, the really intimate scenes didn't get to him as much as the softer moments did

when you would caress and hold jihoon close to you or when you would kiss him

and especially during the "high school flashbacks" would get him the most he would feel both jealous AND emotional because of how heartbreaking they were

at one point you would look over to seonghwa tearing up at some of the softer moments

"its just so heartbreaking" he would say when you ask him what was wrong before fulling crying and having you instantly comfort him

YUNHO

he was immediately interested when he seen your drama trending on different social media

what also caught his eye was clips about one scene floating around on tiktok and twitter

a lot of people calling it "the bathroom scene" which only got him more curious

so when he was doing nothing but laying in bed one night after a concert, he remembered how everyone had been going crazy over the scene

and curiosity got the better of him and he watched just that scene

which... probably wasn't greatest idea but it was whatever he told himself

he would watch this 'infamous' scene now and then the rest of it later with one of the others or even with you

so he watched the scene and immediately felt a swing of different emotions

from how turned on he was because of how you looked extremely hot covered in blood and angry

to feeling uneasy when he watched you caress your co-star like how you would him or one of the others

to jealous when it then lead to you and your co-star making out and jihoon basically grinding against you and how you made those sounds that were only reserved for him and your other lovers

and then finally he came to regret the whole thing having let his curiosity get the better of him

and so when he finally sat down and watched it with mingi, he felt all those emotions come at him once more

YEOSANG

if yeosang felt jealous then he was really good at hiding it

he remembers you telling him and others about how this drama was on the more... mature side

which he didn't mind, he knew that it was something you were excited about and it was an opportunity for you career

so why wouldn't he be supportive of it?

annnnnnnnnnnnd then the drama came out and it was the internet exploded

he was seeing how fans were reacting to it and it only made him curious about it

even atiny were asking him about it and what he thought when he would go live

"have i watched y/nnie's drama? not yet but i've seen people talk about it. is it good?" he would ask and watch the comments flood with mix things

the usual yes and no comments: "watch it! its really good!!" "some scenes are hard to watch ngl..."

and then there were the ones that caught his eye: "you'll get jealous if you watch it."

"why would i be jealous?"

and then they would say: "y/n and jihoon are too sexy in some of it."

which obviously made him more curious about it and so he decided to watch it

and as he watched he couldn't help but feel something as he watched you and co-star kiss repeatedly, each one getting more and more heated than the last one

and then he finished it.

so... if kang yeosang was jealous then he was really really good at hiding it

SAN

san was excited for you when you told him and others about your new drama

so he was prepared to watch it when it came out because he wanted to be a supportive boyfriend

he remembers asking atiny about the drama during a live right after it was released

and like yeosang the comments came in and were mixed with all sorts of things

a lot of atiny telling him it was good but some scenes were very mature and some just outright telling him not to watch because of those mature things

and then he ended up watching it anyways with wooyoung one night while on tour

and he was definitely jealous about jihoon, your co-star

was shocked at how intimate the two of you would be in some scenes

he remembers actually gasping at one scene because your whole back was on display to the camera and while he knew you were actually fully naked – it still took him by surprise

also like seonghwa some of the softer scenes would hit hard and reminded him and you two when he would hold you or when you would hold him

after he finished it, he went on live the next day and brought it up

"i finished y/n's drama last night," he began remembering all the scenes that stood out to him the most

he tried his best to contain his jealousy, not wanting to show it camera

"i liked it a lot, definitely not something i would have imagined y/n in," he adds trying to remain calm as the image of your naked back flashed into his mind "but i think she did a really good job in it"

MINGI

this man was SCANDALIZED

he was so shocked throughout the entire thing as him and yunho watched

yunho even threatened to turn it off at one point if he kept gasping at every scene

"i can't help it! its just so interesting!" he would say, defending himself

and then the bathroom scene happened and he was FLOORED like he was so shocked by the whole thing

mingi was so invested into the story that he didn't even have time to think about being jealous

however when him and yunho were taking a break between episodes that's when he noticed yunho was getting jealous

and of course mingi used that to tease yunho because the rapper knew how much the dancer was whipped for you

and then after they finished the drama mingi was so heartbroken because it was over

he ended up watching it again by himself at a few months later

and it was during the re-watch that he was noticing things happening in the story and how like a lot of the others, your intimate moments reminded him of you two

but again, mingi wouldn't be jealous because he knew that you loved him and the others

and even with fans shipping you and your co-star, mingi knew that he didn't have to worry about your feelings

anyways, mingi best boy

WOOYOUNG

despite how he acts most of the time

wooyoung doesn’t get easily jealous

at least in a serious way

he’s confident in his relationship and knows that he has nothing to ever worry about

especially when it comes to you or the others acting in a drama that involves romance

so when he heard about the intimate scenes in your newest drama, wooyoung was immediately interested in it

and so when him and some of the others watched it together one night... to say he wasn't surprised would be a lie

but to say he wasn't turned on by some of the scenes would also be a lie

he thought you looked hot, plain and simple

and watching you show a bunch of different emotions on camera, well... it kind of turned him on

some of the scenes were definitely more intense than what he was expecting

but then when it got intimate or slightly romantic between you and jihoon then that's when it made his stomach do all sort of flips

like hongjoong he found himself imagining him in your co-star's place and thinking back to all the times you two would be intimate

it honestly kind of made him miss you more than he already did and he would end up calling you so he could see you outside of your drama

after he finished, he would go and brag about how his "best friend was a famous actress" and talking about how he loved the drama

he also kind of just... rubbing it in that he was close to you while others weren't

you know, just wooyoung things

even telling atiny to watch it (if they were old enough)

JONGHO

jongho had heard all about the drama like yunho had

so he was aware of some of the scenes the drama had to offer

but unlike yunho, he didn't watch those specific clips before the whole and instead experienced them all together

and jongho wasn't jealous per say, but he was shocked at some of the scenes

he was honestly glad he decided to watch the drama by himself because he found himself flustered at most if not all the intimate scenes that were shown

just like hongjoong and wooyoung, jongho would also imagine himself in those scenes with you

but not because he was jealous of your co-star

BUT because watching those scenes made him miss you while him and the others were on tour

HOWEVER

seeing how popularly it was and how loved you and jihoon were becoming to the internet

it wasn't the scenes in the drama that would necessarily make him jealous but the interview you and your co-star would do

seeing fans go crazy over the two of you like you were an actual couple... it made him feel weird inside

so you best believe that when he sees you again, you're gonna have the giant teddy bear cuddling up with you

and of course you wouldn't question his sudden need for cuddles and affection, only giving it to him

tag list : @frankenstein852 @watamotee33 @kawennote09 @mixling-blog @marahleiwhen @kpopnightingale @harry-the-pottypus @pyeonghongrie @sanniesbum @marvelahsobx @khjcoo @mysticfire0435 @exfolitae @dementedaly @simeonswhore @moonm1st @nvmbheart @spooo00oky @frgogh @sookacc @seongwin @burnsmepls @ad0rechuu @tunaasan @northerngalxy @silverpixiedust23 @cheesekimchi @confusedmoonchild777 @mjyungi @innieontop @iweirdthingsblog @s0obinluvr @worcesheshestershiresauce @moonlightgrleric @wineyoungie @jeongwangjessmina @lemineso

network : @cultofdionysusnet @cromernet

[atzjuyeon]

JUYEON & HER BOYS .ᐟ

SEONGHWA ⚡︎ HWASEONG

juhwa

their relationship is very much built on comfort. over the years, seonghwa has become a safe space for juyeon and that’s specifically based on how he treats her when she’s experiencing an episode. he doesn’t try to force her to talk about what’s wrong or ask her if she’s okay. he just sits with her and lets her exist. sometimes, he’ll talk while juyeon listens and sometimes they’ll just sit in silence. he knows how to navigate her and she appreciates that.

on a more lighthearted note, she stresses him out. anytime something happens that he should be even slightly worried about, he’s looking at juyeon first because nine times out of ten, it’s her doing. juyeon doesn’t listen to hongjoong so when it comes to scolding or trying to calm her down, it’s seonghwa on the job usually bribing her with something so she’ll relax.

HONGJOONG ⚡︎ JOONG

hongju

hongjoong has always had confidence in juyeon. it’s the reason why she’s even in the group. but when she officially joined and began to practice with them, things went slightly south. their different perspectives made them clash a lot. juyeon would call hongjoong too bossy and hongjoong would tell her that her work ethic was poor. this was before anyone really knew about juyeon’s poor mental state so there was a huge lack of understanding between the both of them. it wasn’t completely bad blood but there were a lot of frustrating moments. after talking and learning more about juyeon on a personal level, hongjoong laid off a bit. he took the time to understand her and now their disagreements aren’t as serious as they used to be.

hongjoong is juyeon’s favorite target when it comes to pranks because to her, he has the best reactions. he gets scared shitless and then scolds her like a dad. she thinks it’s hilarious. sometimes, he’ll let her childish energy slide simply just to see her happy.

YUNHO ⚡︎ YUN

yunju

yunho reminds juyeon of her older brother if they had a good relationship. out of all of the members, yunho and juyeon definitely have that brother/sister energy the most. they’ll play fight and play video games together, screaming at each other through voice chat while being in the same house (poor yeosang 😭).

he’s actually very protective of juyeon, despite her being older. he tries to encourage her to take care of herself by engaging with her. if he goes to the gym, he’ll ask if she wants to tag along. if he’s eating something that’s even a little healthy, he’ll give her some with even asking. he’s like her bodyguard in public (even though she swears she doesn’t need one). he insist on making sure she’s okay.

YEOSANG ⚡︎ SANG-AH

jusang

it took a while for juyeon and yeosang to become close. at first, juyeon thought he was kind of boring. he didn’t talk to her much and kept quiet whenever she was around. honestly she thought he didn’t like her. really, yeosang was just intimidated by her. juyeon is loud and boisterous and comes off as rude or aggressive sometimes. she made him nervous in a way that he didn’t want to accidentally set her off. after learning this, she tried to tone it down a bit around yeosang until he was comfortable enough with her.

in a way, juyeon is protective of yeosang. he’s known to be on the quieter side and juyeon takes the initiative to try to get him out of his shell. you know those moments where yeosang’ll want to get someone’s attention but just doesn’t say anything and stands there until someone notices? juyeon’s the one yelling to that person from the across the room. she always makes sure he has an opportunity to speak during interviews and tells him “don’t suffer in silence.” she just might be the leader of the yeosang protection squad.

SAN ⚡︎ SANRIO

jusan

san was someone who caught juyeon off guard when they first met. he was so polite and spoke so formerly, it almost freaked her out. even after she told the members to speak comfortably it took san a bit longer to adjust. she wasn’t used to the kindness san showed her and for a minute, she thought he had ulterior motives. it took a long awaited conversation to clear up any misunderstandings between the two before they became close but they got there.

juyeon considers san one of her biggest supporters, always cheering her on and going with her to solo schedules when he can. many people argue that san brings out the kindness in juyeon. she’s a lot nicer to him and when he’s around. san is known for being very kind and gentleman-like and that definitely rubs off on her. she doesn’t want to do anything that'll seriously hurt him so she stays far away from him when she’s upset. the only thing he isn’t safe from is juyeon stealing his food, because she will take his cake like seonghwa did.

MINGI ⚡︎ MINI

minju

if someone were to ask juyeon who is she closest to in ateez, she would say mingi. to juyeon, mingi is like a giant puppy. she doesn’t like to admit it, but she has a soft spot for him. sometimes she’ll do small gestures for him like buying him snacks or getting him a cup of coffee while she’s at a nearby cafe. she tries to act like it’s nothing whenever he tries to thank her for it. mingi tends to follow juyeon, either hanging out in her room or going with her whenever she has to run errands. he likes being in her presence.

they bond over their similar styles and music taste. they send each other music the other might like and go on shopping trips. they also spend a lot of studio time together and it could either go one of two ways: they make the dumbest, most chaotic song you could think of, or the greatest thing you’ve ever heard.

there’s a mutual understanding for each other when it comes to their mental health struggles. juyeon doesn’t talk about it much but she’ll sit and listen to mingi whenever he needs. in regular conversation, nothing goes without a funny comment or remark from juyeon. but in these situations, she shuts up and listens, allowing he to say whatever is on his mind without any judgement.

WOOYOUNG ⚡︎ YOUNG-AH

wooju ; partners in crime

loud ass mfs, keep these two AWAY from each other. the smallest things will set these two into a fit of laughter for ten minutes which leaves everyone else confused. nobody is safe when these two are together; you get nothing but chaos and bickering. they’re either partners in crime or each other’s worst enemy in games and challenges. juyeon and wooyoung are definitely the type to have random ass conversations in the middle of the night.

“what if fish had legs?”

“are you sure you’re not on drugs?”

JONGHO ⚡︎ JJONGIE

juho ; menace number 1 & menace number 2

juyeon and jongho have a very casual friendship. some would call them strictly coworkers or “not close” but that’s a bit of an exaggeration. they aren’t strictly coworkers but they aren’t super close either. they actually know very little about each other on a personal level. obviously, they know basic facts but in a who knows who better? contest, they’d both lose.

they definitely have chaotic potential though. they’re usually the ones who find funny tiktok videos to recreate or come up with inside jokes. she really treats him like the younger brother she never had. they tease and set each other up for embarrassing moments but it’s all in good fun.

[silver-hwaberry]

I Can See You ♡ masterlist

Summary: Since she was young, everyone knew her as Aria, the youngest and most versatile member of the K-pop group Moonlight, and their ‘queen maknae’. She was adored by fans all over Korea, but no one saw her as Kim Yeonghwa, a girl from a small coastal town. That is until she meets 17-year-old Jeong Yunho at SOPA, and they form an instant friendship that soon turns into love. Despite their strong bond, Yeonghwa makes the difficult decision to break his heart and let him go in order to give his career a chance. But as time passes, their paths continue to cross and fate keeps bringing them together, they struggle to resist the undeniable connection between them.

Pairing: idol!Yunho x IdolFem!OC

Genre: romance, angst, fluff, smut, young love, forbidden love, childhood sweethearts

Chapters: ONE ☾ TWO ☾ THREE ☾ …more to come

[ateeznoa]

mindful minho | l. minho

• pairing: lee minho (skz) x ateez members, mentions of minho x ateez oc

• genre: fluff, humor

in which, minho takes the time to ask the ateez members if he can have their blessing of asking noa out on a date

• wc: 1.6k words

• warnings: mentions of vomiting, anxiety attacks, mentions of gutting minho like a fish

• notes: requests for noa are open! feel free to request anything

noa’s masterlist💜

Minho is 100% certain he has never been more nervous in his life. Sure, he got nervous. He was nervous on the survival show, he was nervous during their debut. He was nervous during Stray Kids first world tour, and he was nervous when he first met Noa on Kingdom. Minho, however, was positive that he would never be more nervous than he was right now.

Minho adored Noa. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew he had to meet her, even talk to her. Her soft voice and delicate features, her love for dance. Minho was smitten before he had the chance to say hello.

They both were too shy for their own good. It took a lot of pushing from both sides (mainly from Wooyoung) to get them to even talk to each other or hang out. They definitely caught each other’s eye, though. Hence Minho’s current predicament.

Minho knows in his heart of hearts he doesn’t want to wait anymore. Now is the time to ask Noa on a date, but there is something standing in the way. The Ateez members.

Don’t get it twisted. Of course, Minho is friends with them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll take too kindly to Minho wanting to date their pride and joy. She’s their baby girl, their princess, and they are her protectors. He knows that he needs to make a good first impression as a potential suitor. First impressions are everything. He can’t go in as their friend, he has to go in as someone wanting to impress 8 brothers of the girl he is currently falling for.

Minho looked down at his outfit, starting to feel himself second guessing his decisions. Should he have dressed nicer? Maybe the hoodie is too casual? Maybe he should take it off. What if they don’t take him seriously due to the small rip in the thigh of his jeans? Before Minho could fret anymore, the door to the Ateez dorm swung open. Minho looked up and felt his nerves dissolve only slightly as he came face to face with Wooyoung.

The Ateez member gave him a teasing smirk. “What’s the matter Minho? Cat got your tongue?”

Minho rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to shove the boy because he knew that’s the reaction Wooyoung wanted. First impressions, he kept repeating to himself, first impressions.

Wooyoung raised an eyebrow as the smirk broke into a full on grin. He stepped aside and nodded his head towards the living area just a few feet from where the two boys were standing. Minho could hear them. He could see them. Was it getting warm in the hallway? Maybe he should’ve taken the hoodie off.

As Minho continued to stand there, Wooyoung's smile faltered slightly. He was now starting to realize his friend was in the early stages of having an anxiety attack from the pressure of his nerves. Wooyoung stepped out of the door, closing it just slightly behind him as he threw an arm around Minho.

“Dude, relax. We’re not going to sacrifice you or anything. We know you’re a good guy, and we know how much you care for Noa. I told you didn’t have to do this.” Wooyoung stated.

Minho frowned. “I know, I just want you guys to know that I’m not going to use her or anything. My feelings are genuine.”

The younger boy nodded. “We know. Come on. It’s now or never.”

Minho nodded, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans as he let Wooyoung pull him into the dorm. The rest of the members were sprawled out on the couch and floor watching a movie. Clearly they were trying to enjoy the little bit of free time they have, and here he was bothering them. Minho is really wishing he would’ve taken the hoodie off now. As Wooyoung and Minho stopped, seven pairs of eyes turned towards them. Minho could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. He was also starting to notice the way his stomach felt like it was doing flips. Was he going to vomit? God, he hopes not.

“Minho, good to see you man.” Hongjoong said, standing up to hug the boy.

Minho hugged back and silently prayed that Hongjoong couldn’t feel the sweat that was pooling underneath his hoodie. Damn it, why didn’t he take it off?

The other Ateez members waved and said hello before San spoke up.

“If you’re looking for Noa, you just missed her. She went out with Yeri.” San said softly.

Here it goes. Now or never.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys.” Minho said, swallowing the saliva that was vehemently gathering in his mouth. He was definitely going to throw up after this, or maybe even now.

Minho watched Hongjoong reach down for the tv remote, pausing the show they were watching as he looked back at him.

“Is everything okay?” Hongjoong asked.

Swallowing again, Minho spoke. “Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush because I’m nervous enough as it is. I really like Noa, and I would like to get your blessing.”

The Ateez members took turns looking at each before one of them stood up.

“I have to use the bathroom.” Yunho announced quietly, pushing his way through his members and heading towards the bathroom.

Minho watched him before bringing his attention back to the rest of them. He looked at all their faces, not being able to read the expressions. The silence was beginning to make Minho even more nervous than he already was. Maybe they don’t want him to date Noa.

“Look, I know how protective you guys are of her, and I know that you guys probably don’t want her to date anyone you don’t approve of, but,”

“What makes you think we don’t approve of you?” Seonghwa interrupts.

Minho opened his mouth and then closed it, not knowing what to say. Some of the members began to chuckle as Minho joined in, nervously.

“Minho, we love you. Of course you can ask Noa on a date. No issues here. You make her happy, and that’s all we want for her.” Wooyoung spoke up.

The members agreed instantly, all of them breaking out into smiles.

“Of course, if you dare hurt her, I’ll have to gut you like a fish and throw your body into the Han River, but I’m sure it won’t come to that,” Seonghwa spoke again, an almost sinister smile playing at his lips. “Kidding.”

The members began to laugh, and again, Minho joined in, but he was almost deadly positive that Seonghwa was being serious. Wooyoung brought his arm back around Minho’s shoulder as he grinned.

“Welcome to the family, brother-in-law.” Wooyoung said making everyone groan.

Minho could only laugh as he finally felt like he could breathe. He talked a little bit more with the members before announcing he had to leave. Waving goodbye, Minho headed for the door. When he opened it, he came face to face (or maybe face to chest) with Yunho. When did he step outside?

“Oh, Yunho. You scared me.” Minho said.

The boy could only look at him. “What are your intentions with Noa?”

The question caught Minho off-guard. Didn’t he already have this conversation with them?

“What?” Minho asked, confused.

Yunho took a step forward, reaching behind Minho to close the door to the dorm so they were both in the hallway.

“What are your intentions? You seem pretty adamant on asking Noa out. What’s the plan? Why do you want to ask her out so badly?” Yunho interrogated.

“Because I like her. I, I think I’m falling for her. I don’t know if she feels the same, but I want to give this a shot.” Minho replied.

Yunho narrowed his eyes before dropping his head towards the floor as he let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho started. “I know I’m coming off as kind of a jerk. I’m just really protective over her. I just want her to be safe and happy. If that’s with you, then I support it.”

Minho felt a smile grow on his face as he nodded. “Thanks Yunho. I really appreciate it. I’m not going to hurt her. I promise.”

Yunho gave him a half smile, not really putting his heart into it as he nodded. Stepping aside, Yunho let Minho pass him. He let out a gentle goodbye as he slipped into the dorm. Minho watched him for a minute before letting out a sigh of relief. He began to head for the elevator as he pulled his phone out, dialing Noa’s number.

It rang once.

“Great minds must think alike because I was just about to call you, too.” Noa said, making Minho smile.

“Are you busy?” Minho asked.

Noa giggled. “For you? Never. What’s up?”

“Do you want to go get something to eat? Just the two of us?”

The line was silent for a moment, once again making Minho nervous.

“Minho,” Noa started slowly. “Are you asking me out on a date, over the phone? What’re you too nervous to ask me in person?”

Minho felt his smile slowly disappear as he began to stammer into the phone. “I, uh, well I mean, I just…”

Noa laughed. “Minho, I’m joking you. I’d love to go on a date with you. Just let me text Hwa, and thank him for taking it easy on you and we can meet somewhere.”

Minho laughed with her. “Awesome. Wait what?”

“You didn’t think Wooyoung would keep his mouth shut about the fact that you were headed to the dorms to talk to them, did you?” Noa asked.

Minho chuckled, sheepishly. “I wanted their blessing.”

“I know. And I appreciate it. Very mindful of you Minho. Can we get bulgogi? I’ve been craving it all week.”

Minho felt himself smile again. “We can get whatever you want.”

[sweetiesicheng]

yeosang - store

word count : 670

-

"bye everyone!" one of your friends yells as she hurries off to head to practice.

"walk safe! see you guys!"

"bye!"

you say your goodbyes and put your earbuds on. as you leave through the gate, someone bumps into you.

"sorry, y/n!" you see yeosang run off and yell. he almost drops his phone while running away.

he’s in a hurry…

you start walking into town so you can go to the grocery store. once you get to the store, you grab a basket and start shopping for a few items so you can bake a cake at home.

when you enter an isle, you find a familiar face stocking a shelf. you take your earbuds out and put them in your pocket before walking up to yeosang.

"bumps into me because he was going to be late, huh?" you speak and yeosang turns his head.

"oh hey. i'm really sorry. i was already late once this week, and i didn't want to get chewed out again," yeosang apologizes to you.

you laugh, "it's all good."

"do you need anything from here before i stock the shelf?" he asks, gesturing to the cart he has, filled with baking items.

"oh, actually..." you look in the cart and take a few items from it. you place them in your basket. "thanks."

yeosang nods, "yea. see ya around."

you smile, "see ya."

you walk around the store, picking up small items that are easy to carry since you're walking home. while going through an aisle, you reach up to grab a box of snacks. however, it's easy to notice that you can't reach unless if you climb the shelf yourself.

"this is embarrassing," you sigh as you try to reach for a small cardboard box. after giving up, you stare at the shelf.

yeosang's tall enough, right?

you question to yourself about your friend's height before leaving the aisle and searching for your friend.

"kang yeosang, this store isn't that big. where did you go?" you question to yourself as you search for him. he isn't in the aisle you first saw him in, and he wasn't in the aisles next to the one he was originally in either.

you check a few more aisles before finally finding him pushing an empty cart.

"yeosang," you call out to him.

he turns around and notices you. "what's up?" he asks.

"can i borrow your height for a second?" you request from him, making him laugh. "hey! stop laughing!"

"can i borrow your height? that's a sentence i've never heard for," he says. "yea, sure. you can borrow my height."

"if you make fun of me at school, i'll kick you," you threaten to him.

"i'll stop. i'll stop," he says to you while turning around. "let's go," he says.

you start walking with him back to the aisle that you were in.

"i need two of those," you say and point to the small box on the top shelf.

yeosang easily grabs two boxes for you. "here you go," he says to you and puts the boxes in your basket. "need anything else while you have me?" he asks.

"nah. i can't carry that much home," you reply. "i've been craving these lately," you mention.

"are they that good?" he questions and grabs a box. "maybe i should try these," he says.

"you should," you say to him. "and you should get back to work."

he shrugs his shoulders and leans so his forearms are on the cart. "i could just say that i'm helping a customer," he says to you.

"well, i'm leaving anyways," you point out to him.

"i can open a register and check you out," he says. you raise an eyebrow at him, which makes him realize what he just said. "check your items out!" he clarifies, making you laugh while he stands there flustered.

"alright yeosang, i'll let you check me out," you say and laugh again.

"i'll make fun of your height again."

"don't you dare."

[kiwiraccoon]

Numb, Emptiness IV

Ateez OT8 x OC

Summary: after witnessing the death of her family, her uncle sends her back to South Korea to live with the eight guys he had saved over the years. They seem to be almost, if not just, as mentally messed up as she is, and the goal is for her to help them and them to help her. Time heals, but it’s already been 11 years of suffering for her, can they really help?

overall notes: MDNI mental health: depression, anxiety, ocd, antisocial, agoraphobia, personality disorders, mental breakdowns. mentions and descriptions of gruesome deaths, gore. polygamy, shared female, suggestive, fluff, smut?, building relationships. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR UNDERAGE!! this not meant to depict real Ateez but an au, not about their real selves or real struggles, I took ideas from their real selves but again not meant to be negative towards them or anything against their image… THIS IS JUST MY MORBID MIND RUNNING WILD!

Word count: 1576 (I’m sorry it’s short)

The feeling of someone reaching for my headphones drags me out of my mind space causing me to instantly grab their wrist in a tight grasp leaving my knuckles white. I look up and meet the stern eyes of my uncle telling me to let him go and allow him to speak to me. Hesitantly I let go of his wrist and allowed him to stop my music and pull my attention onto him, still doing my best to ignore anyone else who might be in the room. “Next time, and I hope there won’t be, don’t lock your door like that.” He leaves no time for me to respond, making sure I know it’s not a request but an order while putting the headphones back in my ear. I keep my eyes down as I hop down from the island countertop and make my way back to my room ready to clean up my mess.

The second I walk into my room I’m hit with the smell of cleaning products still lingering in the air and no reminder of what happened not too long ago. I don’t have to relive my breakdown by picking up the broken pieces of my mind in the form of a mirror. I don’t know who did it, but what I do know is when I find out I will do everything I can to thank them. They saved my mind from another breakdown, one that would be much smaller but still there. I take a moment to walk into my bathroom and make sure all of the mess is gone, a mirror no longer hangs on the wall. In its place a note sticks with some clear tape.

You deserve all the good things in life. You deserve to feel. You deserve to express yourself. You deserve to be cared for. You deserve to be loved.

No name is written to let me know who left me the affirmations, and I’m grateful for the lack of one. It allows me to say the words myself without hearing someone else’s voice. I can remind myself that I am deserving. I speak the words under my breath a few times until a small smile pulls at my lips. The smile reminds me that I do have control again, my life is mine, and my emotions are mine. I turn back to my room and finally look around, multiple times. It’s then I notice something on my made bed, a little stuffed animal with a note sitting on its head.

Next time you feel alone with your thoughts, hug him tight. His name is Shiber. -San

This handwriting is different from the other note telling me that the person who wrote the affirmations isn’t San. I stare at the little dog while trying to process the information. Someone I hadn’t spoken to once has gone out of their way to give me a piece of comfort through their stuffed animal. Another smile tugs at my lips as I pull Shiber up from my bed and into my arms to hug him tight just like San said. I had to admit the comfort I gained from the interaction was something I never felt before. I felt cared for, seen, and understood just by one small gesture. 

“Thank you.” I whisper into the stuffed animal as I hug him tighter while falling back into my bed to enjoy the moment of peace and clarity. Music still floods through my mind but the extra comfort helps to make the moment feel less like a distraction and more like an outstretched hand for me to hold on to.

I don’t know how long I laid there hugging Shiber, but I do know it was long enough for someone to come knocking on my door loud enough to break through my music. I stand up holding the stuffed animal in my arms to open the door while removing my headphones from my ears. “Yes?” I ask when I open the door to see who knocked. I can’t tell if my face has returned to its bored expression or if it has changed but when I meet the eyes of Mingi he pulls me into a bone crushing hug. “What’s wrong bub?”

He hugs me tighter to his body making sure I don’t slip away from him. “I was so scared, when I heard your screams. I couldn’t get in to check on you. God I was so scared.” He confesses into my shoulder letting tears slip from his eyes onto the thin fabric of my long sleeve shirt.

I pull away from the hug to tug him into my room and close the door to give our conversation some privacy. He looks at me in confusion while tears roll down his face. I just try to make a small smile form on my face while I pull him to my bed so we can sit together in a comfortable place. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re smiling.” He notes letting me know that my emotions are showing.

I smile a little bit more at the fact I can show some emotion. “I broke free.” I look around my room remembering a cute little plushie that is no longer in my arms. I see Shiber on the ground and quickly pick him up to return him into my hold for comfort once again. 

“Is that what happened?” He asks, smiling through the tears.

“Uh yea. At first, all the negative thoughts were winning until I had enough. I had nothing to hide from anymore. No one was actively hurting me anymore.” I admit hugging Shiber tighter while burying my face into the soft pillow. 

Mingi moves to wrap his long arms around me letting me still hold on to Shiber while he also comforts me in the vulnerable moment. “I’m proud of you. You went through a lot and you managed to come out stronger than anyone I’ve ever known. I hope you know I’ll always be here even when you’re annoyingly happy all the time. Which is the goal.”

“What goal?” I ask pulling out of the hug again to meet his eyes.

“My life goal is to make you happy, I never cared if you showed it but I just wanted you to be happy truly. And that’s why I was so scared when I heard you breaking down. Your screams sent my body into fight mode, I wanted to break down your door so badly. I was ready to tackle anyone who got in my way.” The way his eyes shine with sincerity makes tears form in my eyes. I have never felt so loved and cared for before by anyone other than my uncle. Mingi unknowingly became one of the most important people in my life just by being here.

I pull Mingi into a hug without Shiber between us, my arms wrap tightly around his shoulders as his go around my waist. We keep close for a while just enjoying the moment together to know we are both okay and we are both happy.

“Kai di- oh sorry.” Wooyoung quickly pulls away from peeking in the door and slightly closes it leaving a slight crack. 

“Yes Wooyoung?” I simply ask not feeling any negativity due to his presence.

He pops his head back in through the door with a sorry smile on his face, “I was just wondering if you still wanted to eat some pizza?”

I let out a small chuckle and I watch as Wooyoungs face goes from embarrassed to surprised quickly and before I know it he is tackling me onto my bed in a bear hug. He laughs in the hug ignoring Mingi scolding him for invading my personal space. “You just laughed!” He leans up on his arms hovering above me with a stupid big smile on his face. He is in disbelief at what he just heard and what he sees. Me smiling and laughing at his face and I can’t help but life my hand up and poke his prominent cheeks.

“I did.” We chuckle together and he slaps my hand away in a joking way before pulling me back into a strong hug. “You’re crushing me Woo.”

“Woo!? You just called me Woo!” He freaks out again now completely sitting up above me looking at me as if I just committed arson on his favorite clothing item. I nod and smile as much as I can, which is only a little bit. “WAIT! You… you’re smiling and laughing!!!” He yells absolutely losing his mind.

“Quiet down!” Mingi hisses at his younger friend, he knows everyone has now heard. And telling by the loud footsteps coming up the stairs they are all coming to see what all the fuss is.

Wooyoung looks apologetic and starts to say his apologies until he is interrupted by the rest of my housemates running. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“What happened?”

“Is Kai okay?”

“Why are you yelling?”

“What’s going on?”

So many questions asked, causing me to laugh at the chaos ensuing in my small room. This shuts everyone up as they all look at me in confusion. No one says anything just listens to me laughing uncontrollably, they all looked to worried when they walked in and now they hold nothing but confusion on their faces.

“Is she laughing?” I hear Jongho whisper to Yunho standing beside him.

[hwalyn]

sweeter than candy ➛ juiciest tea

previous | masterlist | seventy eight

yeosang was nervous, scratch that he was terrified. ever since he had sent moon the change of plans all he could register was the fear running through his body. it didn’t help that he had memorized wooyoung’s ridiculous plan, it had somewhat calmed him down but now that he was standing outside the university gates it was like instead of his own inner voice reciting it, it was wooyoung’s voice screaming at him. god he had to get it together, he was going to complete this day successfully, he was going to ask moon—

“hey! oh my gosh sorry i’m late.” the voice of his dreams, ahem moon’s voice cut through his mini internal pep talk.

“hey girlie,” yeosang’s eyes immediately widened and he felt the sudden urge to punch himself in the face, screw wooyoung and his stupid script, stupid voice. “i mean, hey it’s no worries i haven’t been here long.”

“okay great! let’s go then.” moon said cheerfully and yeosang was eternally grateful that she hadn’t brought up his greeting, he had no idea how he was going to explain that.

“you look really nice by the way.”

yeosang almost stopped walking as he heard the compliment come from the girl his eyes widening as he felt heat rise to his cheeks, he just really hoped he didn’t look like he was blushing.

“oh, um, thanks. you look cute and really nice today, that shirt really makes your eyes pop.” he told her, a small smile on his face.

“thank you.” yeosang could swear a smile broke out on her face as she responded.

they continued walking as yeosang told her stories, about fellaz and how the dance group operated which then lead into a story about how one practice, the seven of them had, yunho had pushed them so hard wooyoung had thrown up as soon as they had stopped.

“wait, wait, wait yeo. you can dance? like yunho choreography level.” moon sounded somewhat surprised as she asked.

“of course i can! i feel like it’s a requirement if i wanted to be friends with those losers. not that i wanted to be friends with them….” yeosang trailed off. “oh look at that it looks like this is the place.”

if the two had not been so engrossed in each other, so caught up in their own world, they would have noticed something particular with the sign advertising the class they were going in to, but alas they did not notice anything strange and in they went.

“one, two, three, four. okay since it seems like everyone has this part down let’s move on. now one of you will hold your partner in your arms…” the teacher droned on.

yeosang could not believe what he was hearing, he was supposed to do what? with who????

“and then we go into the first lift, like so and as your partner comes down their legs should wrap around the midsection.”

he took a quick peek down at moon only to see her cheeks flush as she listened to what the instructor was saying, god she looked so cute, her side profile was amazing. and her eyes, her eyes staring at him…. wait staring at him.

“ahem well, should we…. should we go over the part just taught?” moon asked him fiddling with her fingers as they just awkwardly stood there.

“are you two in need of assistance in any of the moves.” the instructors voice cut through the awkward air.

“a-ah no, no thank you we were just about to begin.” moon stuttered out.

“alright, and because you guys seem to be more advanced than the other groups i’ll have you guys perform the routine for the rest of the class later. HEY YOU OFF YOUR PHONE THIS IS A DANCE CLASS.” she left scolding another person.

“performing…. we have to what.” moon squeaked out.

“i’m so sorry about this i had no idea…” yeosang tried to explain the best that he could, damn wooyoung how could he do this, he was gonna kill him.

the rest of the lesson went on in a similar fashion with yeosang apologizing every time a new move was taught, each time the two having to get even closer. and moon who was silently learning beside him.

“oh god, that’s it it’s over my chances are nonexistent now.” yeosang despaired as they got closer and closer to the final hour.

“now class your next hour will be practice and then in the last 30 minutes you will show me your finished dance. good luck!” the instructor announced to the class then made her way over to our awkward pair.

“alright you two make sure to practice i’ll have you perform last and we will be recording!”

“recording? i don’t think we ever said yes to being recorded.” moon voiced a bewildered expression on her face.

“nonsense it’s in the forms when you sign up to the class. well i must be off good luck you two.”

wooyoung was actually gonna be found in a ditch.

“oh my god i’ve never run out of somewhere so fast in my life.” moon giggled as the two practically bolted out of the building after the lesson was finished.

“again i’m so sorry, i had no idea woo— the class was gonna be like this, i should’ve researched more.”

“it’s okay, it was fun, a bit embarrassing but fun.” moon reassured him.

“do you honestly think they’ll post our video?”

“i really hope not, i don’t think i was prepared at all so it’ll probably turn out pretty bad.” moon answered him with a frown.

“i think you did great, you’re always really good. how about we get something sweet, ice cream maybe?” yeosang suggested as the two started walking.

“ice cream! that actually sounds great. i know a place just a few blocks from here actually.”

“perfect, lead the way then.”

as if almost impulsively moon grabbed onto the boy’s hand pulling along him along a route she was very familiar with.

yeosang couldn’t believe it, he was holding her hand. HE was holding moon’s hand, oh god it was so small and it fit perfectly against his.

“s-so moon, did you get your license suspended for driving all these guys crazy.” yeosang hoped he sounded as smooth as he wanted to.

“yeosang….. i-i can’t drive? i don’t have my license.” moon looked back at him dubiously.

“oh right yeah, i knew that.”

the walk that now was silent didn’t last for much longer after yeosang’s failed attempt at flirting, and soon moon was pulling the both of them into a cute ice cream shop.

“hey welcome in— oh hey moon!” an older man behind the counter greeted them as they walked inside.

“hi! sorry i haven’t been by lately, school’s gotten super busy.” moon replied a smile on her face.

“it’s okay, just glad you’re coming back around. and look you even brought in your boyfriend today.”

“oh i’m not—”

“yeah, i did! i just had to bring him here, you do sell the best ice cream.” moon cut yeosang off before he had a chance to explain to the old man.

“awww, you sure know how to flatter someone don’t you. well since you’re correct how about i give you two ice cream on the house today.”

“thank you so much! i’ll get a double scoop of cookie dough. what about you yeo? what are you thinking of getting.” moon tugged the boy closer to the display.

“hmmm, a single scoop of chocolate please.” yeosang told the man instead of answering the girl.

“chocolate? boooo that’s boring.” moon said making a face.

“you better not ask me for some then, if you do i won’t give you any.” yeosang rolled his eyes as he joked back.

after getting their orders the two took this chance to walk around and sightsee. they had walked for a few minutes before stumbling across a small park. it was quiet and seemed a lot of people didn’t really pass by, so they sat on the grass and talked, yeosang throwing in wooyoung’s pick up lines now and then and moon staring at him like he was crazy each time it happened. he had also let moon sneak a bite out of his ice cream when she asked, but no one needs to know that. soon enough the sky was turning pink and blue as the sun began to set.

it was time.

gathering his courage yeosang cleared his throat as he turned to face the girl next to him.

“so moon,” he started catching the girl’s attention. wooyoung’s script lingered on the tip of his tongue, but was that really what he wanted to say? all of the other things on the script had failed epically who’s to say this wouldn’t too. screw wooyoung and his stupid outline.

“i really like our hang outs, we can hang out for hours but it always seems to go so fast for me and i can’t wait to see you again to spend even a little more time with you. i like the way you light up when talking about the stars or when you dance. you seem so happy and god your smile is so pretty. and i know i wasn’t the best to you in the beginning but i am so thankful you took another chance on me. and i think i made it kind of obvious from everything else i’ve said but i like you moon, i really like you. would you…. would you go on a date with me?

the silence that followed his little monologue frightened the boy as his heart started racing.

but then a single sentence set his heart racing for a different reason.

“i would love to.”

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[mi-rae07]

Kang Yeosang : Prince Of Hearts (Extra-2/2)

Pairing : Kang Yeosang (Ateez) and named character (Moon Yena)

___________________

Yeosang walked through the hallways that led to his and yena's chambers, his eyes red and puffy.

Yi-wen : kang yeosang!

Yeosang looked up as the sight of his mother-in-law rushing up to him with furious eyes came to his view, knowing the reason behind her anger already. Yeosang deserved it, and he knew it.

Yeosang : mother, I'm sorry-

Yi-wen : what is going on between the both of you, yeosang. If you can't even handle your own marriage, how in the world are you going to handle an empire?

Yeosang looked to the floor, not having an excuse. Yi-wen let out a breath, trying to calm herself down as she said

Yi-wen : son, marriages will always have it's ups and downs. But you cannot let that come in between your rule, ever. The both of you left the official dinner just like that and I had to go around explaining to the officials why their emperor and empress had left them.

Yeosang : I'm sorry, mother. It will not happen again.

Yi-wen : my daughter loves you, yeosang, she's given you her entire heart. Please, do not break it.

Yeosang pressed her lips as he nodded, yi-wen patting his shoulder one last time before walking away to her chambers to rest for the night. Yeosang let out a breath and opened the door to their chambers, stepping inside as yena looked up at him. But as soon as their eyes met she looked away, leaning back further against the bed with a sigh. Yeosang shut the door behind him and walked up to the bed as well, sitting down on it before saying

Yeosang : yena, your hand-

Yena : forget whatever it is that my mother told you, she might blame you for this but I did this to myself.

Yeosang : you don't think any of this is my fault?

Yena : I don't ever think anything is your fault, yeosang.

Yena slid back down against the bed, pulling the sheets over her as she closed her eyes. Yeosang pressed his lips together, tears filling his eyes as he asked shakily

Yeosang : won't you show me your hand?

Yena shut her eyes tightly, a tear streaming down her cheek as she said

Yena : it is better you don't see it.

Yeosang let out a shaky breath and laid back down on the bed as well, closing his eyes already knowing he won't get a wink of sleep tonight.

______________________________

Yeosang sat against the chair, looking out into the palace gardens as the wind blew against the leaves and flowers. This was yeosang's most favorite place in the palace, probably because it was the closest he could get to a place that looked at least a bit like Kedah. Yena didn't like flowers, but yi-wen did. And it was the queen mother who had maintained this garden all while long. Now, yeosang played a part in it too. And it brought him happiness to see that the garden was doing better because of it.

Yeosang let out a breath, fiddling with his wedding ring as he thought back at what yena had told him yesterday night. It made sense, to think of it that way. Yena was someone who kept most things to herself, especially when it came to her own pain and weaknesses. Even yeosang, despite being the closest person to yena barely knew about yena's weaknesses.

For someone like that, it made sense for yena to try and act heartless in front of her enemies so they knew she could go to any extent to win. It made sense she could watch a child get executed and pretend as if nothing was wrong with it. Yena was an amazing actress.

And maybe, even if she wasn't really acting, maybe it was yeosang's fault. Yena had told him what would come along with being emperor, she had told him what it meant to go into war and how brutal it could get. Maybe yeosang was just too weak for this, because how else was one supposed to win a war without killing the enemy head?

And losing the war would mean dying, it would mean having to give up their empire. Yena was only trying to protect it, and yeosang had made her the villain out of all this.

Maybe he was the problem after all.

__________________________

Yena looked outside the carriage as she realized they were now entering the territory they had newly conquered, having won the war. And god damn, the entire town was a mess. Most of the building were burnt, the ones standing looking like they needed serious reconstructions. People continued to roam around but all of them looked like they hadn't eaten for days. Yena had known how bad the enemy dynasty had ruled their people but she hadn't expected it to be this bad.

Yena looked over at yeosang who was sitting opposite her, his eyes staring out as well. Yeosang's fists were clenched against his lap and during normal circumstances yena would hold them, telling him everything would be alright. Except now, she didn't know whether yeosang wanted to hear those things from her anymore. Especially not when he probably blamed her for all that he was seeing right now.

And soon enough the carriage stopped right in front of the crowd of people gathered around, waiting to see their new king and queen. Yeosang got out of the carriage first and held his hand out for yena to hold, her now gloved hands holding onto yeosang's as she got down as well. The people around bowed as yeosang smiled, giving them a small bow as well. Yena could recognize the usual shock on people's face, making her sigh as she let go of yeosang's hand and walked towards the old officials of the kingdom. She needed to know how the kingdom actually was right now, only if she understood the problems could she find the solution.

It had been about 5 minutes when yena felt someone move past the security banners, the guards shouting at the person to step back. And right then yena saw the man lifting his hand, a glass bottle held in his hand as he threw it towards yena. Her eyes widened, knowing that if it hit her, it'd mean causality. But before she could do anything she felt someone hug her, shielding her body with the back of his as the bottle crashed against it, the glass shards falling down.

Yena : yeosang.

Yeosang had worn a leather jacket, and the glass bottle had hit that instead of skin. Hence he hadn't been harmed, but what if he wasn't able to reach on time? What if it had hit his wife instead, like the man had meant for it to?

Before yena could say anything more yeosang unsheathed his royal sword, the people around gasping as they stepped back. He was different from the smiling, kind man he had been while talking to the people around a few minutes ago. Now as yeosang walked towards the scared man, sword in hand and fury in his eyes, even yena was surprised.

Yeosang blocked the man's weak punch as he kicked the man's legs, causing him to groan as he fell on the floor. The crunch that was heard at the moment made sure that yeosang had just broken the man's bone. Yeosang pointed his sword at the man's neck before he could move further as he said

Yeosang : you tried to hurt my queen, and for that you will face death.

Yena's eyes widened as yeosang lifted the sword away from the man's neck, seconds away from slashing it. Yena quickly ran towards them and held yeosang's sword right before it could lower down, the edge of the blade only cutting through yena's gloves as yeosang quickly pulled it back.

Yeosang : yena-

Yena : no, you're not killing anyone.

Before yeosang could say anything more yena kneeled down, coming face to face with the man who now looked up at her with fearful eyes.

Yena : I understand your anger, but killing me will not solve anything. Instead, it will lead only to more violence. Whatever it is that you require, I will give you. Money, housing, clothes, food, anything.

Yena looked towards the now surprised people as she stood up before saying in an even louder tone

Yena : and that we will give all of you, because we won this war not only to protect our rule but to save your nation from it's ruins as well. Right now, you must be angry at us. And rightfully so, as we have caused the deaths of your loved ones. But trust me, I will make sure to give each and every one of you a better life than your predecessors have ever been able to provide you with.

The people whose faces earlier held anger slowly started dying down, their clenched fists loosening. The former ruling family had painted a picture where Moon Yena was considered to be ruthless, slaughtering anyone and everyone in her path. This seemed to be different now, and it was a good difference.

Yena : proper housing, water, and basic necessities will be given to all of you no matter how poor or rich you are right now. That is my word as your new queen. And my word, is royal decree.

The people around suddenly started clapping as yena let out a breath, turning towards the officials as they all gave her a smile. It had been a success, yena had managed to make this kingdom hers as well.

______________________________

Yena : you do not just kill someone like that, yeosang, not in front of so many people. What does that make us?

Yeosang : he tried to hurt you, yena. If as a husband I don't protect you, what does that make me?

Yena : that doesn't matter here! They already hate us, because we're alien to them. Now if you were to hurt one of them the very first time you meet them, do you think they would ever accept us as rulers?

Yeosang : we are their rulers already, aren't we?

Yena let out a breath, looking outside their carriage that was now headed back to the palace as she said

Yena : you told me once that being a ruler means to conquer the people's hearts with love, not loyalty by war.

Yeosang : well, when someone tries to cause you harm, I don’t give a bloody hell whether I conquer their hearts or not.

__________________________________

Yena was in her studies going through some papers when the door burst open, revealing a panting yeosang. Yena frowned, keeping the paper away as she said

Yena : yeosang?

Yeosang : it's…it's thundering.

It had started thundering almost an hour ago, and the thunders here were known to be quite ferocious, although it came rarely. Was yeosang worried for the others?

Yena : I'm aware, yeosang.

Yeosang shut the door behind him, locking it as he said

Yeosang : I…I uhm, I just-

Yena : yeosang, what is it?

Yeosang : I tried holding back, alright? For an hour, I did. I even tried to get myself to sleep-

Yena : yeosang-ah, tell me, what’s wrong.

Yeosang : I'm scared of the thunder.

Yena paused, partly confused. And then once she got a hang of the situation, yena stood up, walking towards yeosang as she said

Yena : and I thought you'd killed someone.

Yeosang let out a shaky breath as yena hugged him, resting her hand against the back of yeosang's head as he closed his eyes before nuzzling his head into yena's neck. He had missed this. Yeosang inhaled deeply as he muttered

Yeosang : you smell so good.

Yena : it's the soap bar I stole from you.

Yeosang smiled as yena chuckled, rocking yeosang softly as she continued patting yeosang's back slowly. She knew he liked continuous rhythms, it made him calm.

Yena : it's just thunder, love. It's going to pass very soon.

Yeosang : I'm sorry.

Yena : you don't ever have to be-

Yeosang : no not for that.

Yeosang pulled back, looking into yena's eyes as she blinked in confusion

Yeosang : I'm sorry for everything I said, for blaming you unnecesarily.

Yena let out a breath, shaking her head. She had stopped being angry at yeosang a long time ago, after she realized that it was the first time he was facing war. And yena had kept so many things to herself instead of having communicated with yeosang. She knew this was partly her fault too.

Yeosang : this was…it was all new for me, yena. I've never even seen a war happen, let alone fight it. Being out in the battlefield, having to kill my own soldiers because they refused to live without arms or legs, it broke me apart. I have only ever killed animals, and that too after apologizing a million times. Having to kill human children, it was all too much for me. I needed an outlet, and I chose you. And that was wrong of me, utterly wrong.

Yena : yeosang.

Yeosang : you have only ever loved me, and I have only ever brought you pain. But I know this has to work out, that we, have to work out because I cannot live without you. You are my wife, you are a part of my heart, I cannot lead a life where you're far away from me. I need you, yena, I need to be able to love you until the moment I die.

Yena : you can love me for as long as you like, yeosang. I'm all yours to love, all yours to hurt.

Yeosang connected his forehead with yena's, ignoring the thunder outside as he said

Yeosang : I love you, yena. I have never for a moment stopped loving you.

Yena smiled, resting her palm against yeosang's cheek as she whispered

Yena : I love you too. And, there's something you should know.

Yeosang opened his eyes as yena held one of his hand with her free one, placing it against her stomach as yeosang's eyes widened in shock

Yeosang : oh my god.

Yena smiled, looking up at yeosang as she whispered

Yena : we're going to be parents, darling.

Yeosang let out a noise of disbelief, squealing as he picked yena up and spun her around. Yena laughed, wrapping her arms around yeosang's neck as he finally lowered her down before saying

Yeosang : thank you thank you thank you!

Yena chuckled as yeosang kneeled down, kissing her stomach. Yena tangled her hand in his hair as she said

Yena : we've both made mistakes, but this child? This baby is a promise of our future together, yeosang.

Yeosang : and I hope it's a girl, so she can grow to be just as strong as her mother is.

Yena smiled as she said

Yena : you know what else this means? That we're going back to Kedah for a while, and you'll get to visit your people again.

Yeosang smiled wider as he stood up straight and kissed yena as hard as he could, his hair tangling in her hair. Yena wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her as he whispered

Yeosang : I love you, the both of you. And I promise to protect our family with everything I have, until the moment I die.

Yena : well, lucky for you, I'm planning to do just the same.

_____________________________

30 years later :

Yeosang had been dead for a year now, and the people still mourned the loss of their great emperor. Yena had been heartbroken when her husband died, because no matter how old he was, for yena he was still the prince she had once fell in love with. The prince who had given her 4 beautiful children, the elder one being a son who was going to be crowned emperor within a month's time.

Kang Yujun was everyone's dream. As yeosang had wanted he had gotten his mother's strength and power in ruling, but as yena had wanted, he had gotten yeosang's kindness as well. Yujun could be ruthless if he wanted to, but he had a big heart. He had been a good son and an amazing elder brother to his three other siblings, and the people loved him. It had been yeosang's last wish for yena to crown the next emperor of their nations herself, and yena was going to do it.

Because yena's wedding vow to yeosang had been to live, as he considered living for someone a much bigger sacrifice than dying for one. And right now, and every second since yeosang had closed his eyes for the final time, yena had been doing just that. She was living for him, living for their children.

Yujun : eomma, haven't you slept yet?

Yena looked over at her son who had just entered her study, his face looking tired as well. Probably from all the preparations he had to do for his coronation, he was always doing something. Yena smiled at her eldest son, shaking her head as she motioned for him to sit on the sofa beside her.

Yujun : seriously, you need to get proper sleep. You're old now, eomma, let us not forget that.

Yena : I haven't forgotten anything, my son, I have great memory still.

Yujun : of course you do.

Yena : I heard the neighboring kingdom's causing some ruckus around our borders?

Yujun let out a breath as he leaned against the sofa before saying

Yujun : it's a woman, eomma.

Yena : a woman?

Yujun : Yang Haneul, she was a palace dancer, known for her gracefulness and kindness towards others. But now she's assasinated the ruling family, killing even the newborn son of the king. She kills anyone and anything that's in her way now, the people in her kingdom fear for their lives every second.

Yena : what?

Yujun : she is now queen, eomma. And our spies say she is planning to conquer the neighboring kingdoms as well, one by one.

Yena : a lowly palace dancer suddenly becomes queen, of course she's greedy for more power.

Yujun : she's dangerous, because she has nothing to lose. Someone who came from nothing will have the thirst to conquer the world, and that's what has concerned our borders.

Yena : we have to overthrow her, yujun-ah.

Yujun nodded, sitting up straight as he said

Yujun : I will. Once I become emperor, all that will remain of her will be ashes. For someone who didn't show mercy even to a newborn child, that is all that she deserves.

Yena was about to say something when the door to her study burst open, revealing a panting guard who bowed and said

??? : your majesty, your highness, someone has come to see you.

Yujun : at this time of the night? Who?

??? : Yang Haneul, lord prince. She wishes to have a treaty with you.

Yena's eyes slightly widened, looking over at yujun who seemed to be trying his best to maintain posture as he said calmly

Yujun : if it's a treaty, we will need the ministers-

??? : no, my prince. This…it's a marriage treaty. She wishes to marry you.

_________________________________