#yells about me and friends he's never met being trans

[becaexists]

Gotta love living at home with my parents bc everything will be just fine, enjoyable even, and then I say something and someone just explodes at me, like just now when, while all of us were watching arctic monkeys on TV, I casually joked about how I think me and my siblings are all autistic and my dad (like always) started screaming about how "they're not stupid, don't you dare say that!" And suddenly I was tired and searching for any excuse to retreat upstairs away from him

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

hello and welcome to the niche corner

hello i'm néide and this is my blog, which mostly consists of me being grumpy about niche things. i have multiple degrees in medieval irish literature and while sometimes i use these to be vaguely educational, more often i use them to write incredibly specific fic about characters nobody else cares about, and this fic can be found on ao3 (for logged-in users)

so this is a guide to my incredibly specific fanfiction, which i feel also gives a reasonably good introduction to the kind of thing i'm likely to be yelling about on this blog

i am reliably informed that you don't actually need to know anything about the source material to have fun with these fics (or suffer from the angst), but also they can be more fun if you do. some have bibliographies/refs/explanations so i also know a few people have used them as a way to get started with medieval Irish lit which will never not be extremely funny to me

current WIP: chasing someone else's dream (16k, WIP): a cú chulainn/láeg reincarnation fic. they have been reincarnated, not for the first time. they've also been cursed, and thus, unlike in every life before this one, they've never met. ngl this fic contains some of the best prose i ever wrote, please read it

group chats of the ulster cycle, or, the in loco parentis series

a modern AU of the ulster cycle. sort of a college AU, turned into a ballet AU halfway through. consists of:

in loco parentis (135k, complete): my magnum opus. cú chulainn and láeg are university flatmates; group chats featuring all your favourite ulster cycle characters and also some you probably never gave a shit about; cú chulainn as a tiny trans ballet dancer and ferdia as his pas de deux partner; baking; everybody hating on conchobar; nobody dies; way more feelings about both ballet and shostakovich than anybody was expecting, including me; and much more. comes with explanatory notes / bibliography because i'm just Like That

getting the dee (9k, in progress/abandoned): a prequel to ILP, sort of a longes mac nuislenn fic except nobody dies and there are more sex toys. naoise/deirdre with guest appearances from conall. one day i'll go back to this but also i'm a coward

valentáin's day (4k oneshot, complete): a prequel to ILP, featuring láeg and cormac in the pub on valentine's day making fun of all their friends in relationships. they make out, fortunately their friendship survives the experience.

and when you move, i move (2.5k oneshot, complete): a sequel to ILP. just a horny lil cú chulainn/ferdia oneshot set a few months after ILP wraps up.

miscellaneous ulster cycle oneshots

i will be honest, most of these are sad fics of oidheadh con culainn ("the death of cú chulainn") because i just love writing angst, but there's a couple of others in there

a moment's silence (3k): smutty cú/láeg fic set during táin bó cúailnge, inspired by this picture. the most explicit fic i've written

to walk this world alone (6k): extremely niche fic featuring láeg after cú chulainn's death. some otherworldly happenings. sad but not as sad as it was originally going to be.

counterweight (3k): cú chulainn/láeg during oidheadh con culainn, anticipating cú chulainn's death. this one's pretty sad too.

dindsenchas (3.5k): missing scenes between cú chulainn and láeg during táin bó cúailnge. narrated by the landscape of ulster and addressed in second person to cú chulainn himself because the best sex scenes are the ones narrated by a tree.

in one dwelling place (2k): láeg/cú chulainn/emer. vaguely smutty, vaguely fluffy.

we'll say goodbye, today (2k): cú chulainn and láeg during oidheadh con culainn, anticipating cú chulainn's death. big sad hours.

glorious as the sunrise (3k): this is just angst. cú chulainn/láeg during oidheadh con culainn again. not particularly shippy but they love each other very much.

a marriage of inconvenience (3k): modern AU. cú chulainn wants to marry emer but unfortunately never bothered to get divorced after he married láeg for househunting purposes. a very silly fic.

of grief and glory (1.7k): cú chulainn deals with the aftermath of táin bó cúailnge, especially fer diad's death. more sad times lol.

flight risk (2.3k): teenage cú chulainn and láeg steal a spaceship. they get caught. fun scifi AU.

other medieval lit fics (non ulster cycle)

patron saint of toasties (2.5k): finn cycle fic. oisín took time out of uni to travel and now all his friends have graduated and he's lonely enough to text the christian union's "text a toastie" hotline. which is how he meets patrick. very silly modern AU gen fic mostly taking the piss out of st patrick

two birds of a feather (2.8k): yonec (marie de france) | togail bruidne da derga crossover fic. bird dad support group. conaire and yonec hang out and bond over their dads having maybe been birds. stupidest thing i ever wrote and i adore it.

quiver and shake (1.8k): fourth branch of the mabinogi fic. gwydion and gilfaethwy's special brotherly bonding time. canon typical content warnings apply.

other

absent thee from felicity (11k, WIP): hamlet | romeo & juliet crossover modern AU in which horatio and benvolio attempt to deal with the aftermath of their respective tragedies. sad at first, will gradually get sillier. haven't updated in a couple of years but that doesn't mean it's permanently abandoned, i'm just busy

a guild doctor and an abolitionist walk into a bar (5.5k, complete): mortimer sark/daragh vernant (the butterfly assassin by finn longman). in which they become friends while coparenting their fucked up assassin child and pretending they're not doing that. blatant pro-mortimer propaganda tbh and i'm not sorry

if you've never read any of my fics before and are wondering where to start, i firmly believe the reincarnation fic (current WIP) is a good one because it has a solid mix of angst, shenanigans, and weird fuckery, so you can experience the tonal whiplash of the rest of my fics all in one place! but it is a WIP and i make zero promises about upload schedule, it happens when it happens, so not so good if you're impatient haha. plenty of others to get you started though

[talisidekick]

Thanks for being so compassionate! As someone who's had to defend himself from assault pre transition and assault and attempted trafficking during transition which has contributed to some agoraphobia centered on thoughts like "damn, wasn't safe off T not safe on it", it's been rlly scary seeing ppl shrug off how transmascs are endangered in real life in service of discrediting transandro discourse. Cool seeing who's really real I guess????? anyways hope you're well and warm. Srry about my run on sentence lmao

There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. We only get to see one side publically, and that's pretty much just trans women issues. Media likes to cover just us. I rarely see news stories about just trans men. We don't see the stories about trans men getting stalked or followed around in stores by total strangers, getting attacked in public, rarely a mention if a trans man gets killed. It's happening but you don't see it. You don't see a flood of forum posts about the constant dismissal of, unique brand of hatred around, or the types of dangers faced by trans men.

My introduction to questioning my gender was actually FROM transandrophobia. The reason for this is I've had more of a curvy figure since ... well forever, even though my body was producing T on it's own. I got A LOT of compliments on it by pretty much all my friends (which were mostly girls, and yes that probably should have been a sign but I'm a bit thick sometimes, okay?) because I was "unconventionally sexy" because of it. I'm now remembering I do have a shirtless picture somewhere from before I was on HRT ... I'll work up the nerve to show that at some point to prove that point. Anywho, because of this, a random ass stranger had been following me as I went to grab a few things from a walmart after my shift. It was weird as fuck. Uncomfortably close, constantly looking at me but not what they were pretending to, and I kind of knew this dick was waiting until there was no one in the aisle before pulling something. I'd been mugged before at 14 and 15 so at 24 I was kind of like "I'm not getting stabbed in a damn Walmart" and just made sure to be quick. I got out of the store and met up with some old work friends and just let them know someone was following me and I wanted to wait them out. Props to my friends at the time, they bullseyed the dude (to be fair he wasn't being stealthy) and called him out. And he yelled back "You'll never be a real man" to me. My friends laughed at him because as far as we all knew, I was cis. But this would happen two more times in the same week. A lady would tell me I shouldn't be doing "this" to myself with a full body gesture, and that god "loves" me; and a college colleague flat out dismissed my concerns on something because "only a real man would need to worry about that". It got me wondering if this was a new fad, to hate on someones manliness, and upon looking that up I learned about what exactly transgender meant, the experiences of trans men and women (just a bit on women, my concern was on trans men at the time), and thought it was kind of cool there were people who'd know two sides to the gender spectrum. But it must SUCK to have to go through the bullshit I did and actually be affected by it. Like, no one has any right to tell another man they're less of one.

This whole situation would actually come back to help me 2 years later in finding myself. I'd only really looked up trans men and curiosity mid covid lock down would lead me to look up non-binary and then trans women. However, transandrophobia is how I, a trans woman, got her start. So it boils my blood when I see people talk about T being toxic or trans men having it easier. It shows a complete lack of understanding and a lack of acceptance and willingness to empathize. Trans men and trans mascs have different issues, that doesn't make them lesser, and while those issues may not affect me, it doesn't make it less of my problem to help deal with where I can. I know certain issues I'll have no experience on, no idea how to help, but that doesn't mean I can't still offer to be support. Everyone should be doing the same, and shame on those who aren't.

You deserve equal treatment and support in your fight for it, not dismissal. Those that dismiss the issues of trans men aren't allies, they're transphobes. And fuck transphobes.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for cutting contact with my friend who had a threat on their life?

🦋🐌🪱 (for me to find post later)

Sounds bad I know. Please hear me out. TW for transphobia and threats of violence.

I (25X) had a friend we’ll call Jay (25transM). Jay and I never were very close. We met as a friend of a friend situation. Prior to when this story begins, we had probably hung out about 9 times over a course of 4 years.

Jay has a bad habit of getting involved in tumultuous relationships. After about 3 years of knowing each other, he suddenly got engaged and moved across the country. We figured there was something majorly wrong, but didn’t know details. About a year and a half later, Jay moved back and told us about the abusive situation.

I felt genuinely bad for Jay. He immediately began dating again and introduced me to his partner, who we’ll call A (late20s, gender-fluid). We went out for drinks once, and they seemed nice enough. I thought Jay was moving a bit fast, but was happy to see this person seemed nice.

About four months after that initial introduction, I end up getting a call out of the blue from Jay begging me to help A. A had moved into a group home several cities away from me. A member of the group him found out A was trans and was physically attacking him. The lady running the group home called A the t slur and was not doing anything to help.

I borrowed my family car and drove to A’s group home, got him checked out of there, and then drove him another 50 miles to get a hotel room near the group home where Jay was staying. A didn’t have any money so I paid for the room for a few days. It was a few hundred which was a lot but manageable for me at the time. A and Jay both thanked me, and I went home.

Months go by, no word from A or Jay. Sudden call from Jay again, this time saying they’ve had to move again and could I please help.

By this time I’d stopped being friend with N, our mutual friend who was the reason we met. I didn’t really expect to hear more from A or Jay. But I wanted to help because we’re both trans here and I was worried for their safety.

I once again put them up in a hotel room for a few days. My financial situation was a bit worse now so this was a big strain, but I would still be able to make my rent so I decided to help. I gave them some links to trans resource centers in the city and left.

Jay and A contacted me a few times after that, but I began to decline their calls. I was worried they would ask me for more money, which I didn’t have to give. On top of this, I felt really emotionally exhausted by the conversations we would have when I’d see them. Family members would call to yell at them (and me) for moving out. Relationship issues. Psychiatric problems and the like.

I feel mostly at peace with not talking to them anymore. Is/was it an asshole move to cut them off, since they didn’t have any other support network of family or other queer people. I gave them the link to the trans resource centers, if that’s any consolations. I still get random messages every now and then saying “hi,” but I don’t reply.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[xxfangirl365xx]

Question: "What is a day you'll never forget?"

Ghoul's answer: The Day we met Show Pony

NOTE: Written in my wattpad a few months ago, i posted Jet's and Kobra's here so here is Ghoulie's (:

Mine predates all of the other guys' stories and it's kinda sappy but why not. Mine was the day I met my fellow prankster Show Pony. Despite popular belief they didn't just roll up and start hanging around with us.

The four of us ( Poison, Kobra ,Jet and I) had been in the zones about a year and had pretty well adjusted to life out in the middle of nowhere. We were on patrol by ourselves, one of the first times Dr.D let us do that alone. Basically we got to drive around all day, nothing usually ever happened. On this day in particular we were on our way home and spotted something off in the distance...Dracs? Possibly. We drew out ray guns and headed over only to be met with a horrifying scene of three people, all fairly young, seemingly dead.

"Dear Destroya" Poison remarked observing the sad scene

They definitely had just escaped the city and made it pretty far into the zones...unfortunately they were unarmed and didn't stand much of a chance.

Jet went to the three and looked to see if by some miracle they were alive. First two were a sad head shake no.

The third person had long dirty tangled black hair and was maybe about 17 years old...about the same age as me. Jet gently grabbed their wrist expecting nothing and were were all shocked when he found a pulse.

" Guys! This one's alive!"

" They're bleeding from somewhere on their head" Kobra noted, hiding behind his brother, scared for who knows what reason.

It's not a secret that I hate blood, I get a paper cut and nearly pass out and the guys make fun of me for it a lot, but this time it didn't bug me, I was much more bothered by the fact this poor kid was now hurt and alone laying next to their dead friends. I wasted no time In gently picking them up and we headed back to the car so we could go back to the diner and hopefully help this kid. I rested their head in my lap to keep them as comfortable as I could on the ride home. I took my vest off and covered them with it because it was getting cold. I felt really bad, you know, I was so lucky to have found a good group to rely on and call my family and I think this made me realize how fortunate I really was. This kid needed a friend and I decided to be that friend.

We got home and I carried their limp body in the diner and laid them on an extra mattress we had.

" YO DR.D" Poison yelled

" What's up boys?" He asked coming into the room a few seconds later ( this was before he hurt his leg)

"We found this wanderer on the route home" Poison explained " Their buddies were dead but they're alive for the time being"

He stood over my shoulder looking at the kid

" Should I call a doctor?" he asked after a second

" Aren't you a doctor?" Kobra asked confused

He laughed, realizing he had never clarified where that title came from

" It's just a name, I ain't got a degree to back it up. I don't know shit about medicine" he continued

" Ohhhhh..." we exclaimed in unison

"I'll call someone" He said leaving the room

I sat next to the kid for a while, just watching the rise and fall of their chest for what seemed like hours until an actual doctor came.

He looked them over before coming to the conclusion they were in perfect health other than a head injury.

" Just keep a close eye on them for the next few days,once they wake up they may be a little out of it but I'm sure they will be okay." He said before him and Dr.D went outside to smoke a cigar and gossip for a while.

" Well, you heard him. I guess they're gonna be alright" Jet said. "Well' I'm gonna go change the tire on the Trans-am, it's got a leak."

" I'll come watch." Poison said , Kobra following right behind his brother

Jet poked his head in the doorway after a second.

"You coming Ghoul?"

" Nah, I'm gonna sit with them." I said

" alright"

I sat for a while enjoying some silence until the kid began to wake up. Of course I had never been in a situation like this before.

I sat next to them and gently moved the hair out of their face.

"Ugghhh-shit" they mumbled groggily

'"Uhhh...Um.." what are you supposed to say in this situation?! " He-y?"

They looked over at me and the first they they said...I kid you not was

" Why do you have a bee on your sleeve?"

I looked at my shirt sleeve..I do have a bee on my shirt. Huh...good observation.

" Who...are you? You look funny." They said again

" I'm Fun ghoul, I'm Killjoy." I explained " what's your name?" I asked, unsure if they could answer that question. To my surprise they answered rather quick

" I've been waiting foreverrr for someone to ask me that. My name's Show Pony." They said slurring their speech.

" Nice to meet you, Show Pony... How ya feeling?"

"I dunno" they giggled

"Looks like you hit your head pretty bad huh?"

" I think so" they said continuing to giggle like a crazy person

" What's so funny?" I asked starting to laugh too

" The room's spinning it's like a carnival ride"

" Oh yeah that is fun- do you like carnivals?"

"Yeah...no clowns though"

" Oh you don't like clowns?"

" nu uh they're creepy and smelly...am I smelly? The dessert is gross." They thought for a second before they started crying

" Am I a clown? I'm weird looking and I smell" they said in between tears

I forgot the kind of wack mood swings that happened when you were going through withdrawals from BLI brainwash drugs.

'"Hey, you're not a clown, don't cry" I said, trying to comfort them.

Without a second though I knelt down further and hugged them.

They stopped for a second and were perfectly still.

" I overstepped and made them uncomfortable!" I said in my head " Oh Ghoul you idiot!"

To my surprise they hugged back and quietly whispered

" Thank you"

I spent the rest of the night doing my best to take care of Show Pony and just chatting and giving them a hard time while they tried to tell lame jokes such as this fun one at 2:07 AM

" Hey Ghoul Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

" Boo"

" what?"

" Nooo you're supposed to say boo who!"

" Aww don't cry Pony"

" Your a jerk"

Show Pony became very good friends with us all and impressed Dr.D with their intense knowledge of music and when he started his station he made Show Pony his official helper.

So yeah, I love Pony, they're one of my best friends no matter how annoying they can be, one of my favorite people and a part of my large Zone family.

Anyways that's my story, see ya later

-Fun Ghoul

[via-rant]

Obrumbratio Scintillae

Chapter 5 -

Leo stormed out of the tent, Nico following close behind.

"Leo, what's wrong?"

"We're watching our leader turn against us, that's what!"

"They hurt you. You passed out. He's protecting us."

" 'Protecting us'?! What?! Like Agnus?!" Leo yelled and Nico glared. Agnus is a guy they trusted. They became friends and he used them, framed them for drug use.

"That's different." Nico said, sounding like he was going to cry.

"Oh, it's different! It's always different!" Leo yelled and Nico glared harder. He didn't know what that meant but he could tell he heard it a lot. Maybe he said it a lot. And he did. He's trusted over and over and over and they all ended up with him heartbroken. And he had that same feeling with Luke now. He's not ignoring it again.

"We can. Trust him." Leo had smoke coming from his arms but neither noticed.

"No! You can trust him! How am I supposed to trust a guy who used kids?! Percy deserved it but other ones?!"

"He saved my life! He just saved yours!"

"He probably only did it because he felt like he needed to!"

"He's been taking care of us!"

"Just like everyone else here! You think we're special?!"

"Woah woah woah boys!" Faith said running to them. She didn't hear anything they said except the last few sentences. And she saw the smoke coming from Leo. His arms, legs, hair. She heard commotion over here with swords and came over as fast as she could when she heard them arguing. She took a breath.

"Nico? Why don't you go see Luke? I need to talk with Leo." Nico stormed off to the tent wiping his tears and kicking rocks on the way. Faith looked back at Leo and sat in front of him.

"What?" He asked holding back tears. She pat the spot in front of her and he rolled his eyes but did what she said in an angrier way, knees to his chest, picking at the grass next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Nothing!" He yelled and she sat quietly in concern. She waited until he was calmed down just a bit. The smoke clearing with each piece of grass he ripped out of the ground.

"You know I'd never hurt you. Right? You can talk to me." She said and it was a few seconds before Leo sighed.

"I met dad." He said and Faiths eyes widened.

"Oh! When?"

"In my dream." She smiled.

"Was I right?" And he laughed.

"Yeah you were right. It's 'Hephy'." He used finger quotes and frowned, wiping his tears and she frowned with him. She debated asking about the smoke but decided against it. Focus on helping him relax.

"What happened?"

"He watched. My entire life he watched and did nothing." He hugged his legs tighter. "And now Luke is leaving and you guys saw the smoke and I might have just ruined mine and Nicos friendship."

"No. No. You guys had an arguement. That happens sometimes. Friends have arguements. You just need to apologize and make up for it." She assured and he wiped his tears. Then she thought about the other things.

"And the smoke?"

"I... I don't have any control over it. If I get too worked up about anything it just comes out and I hate it. I always end up hurting someone."

"So you just... don't use it?"

"What if I lose control again?"

"Leo, it's better to use it more. The more you use it, the more practice you have with it. Learn to control it so you don't hurt the good people when you do use it."

"How?"

"I don't have any experience with powers but I can try."

"Maybe look in your archives and books. Boring, boring books."

"You read books."

"Fantasy books, ma'am. With action and adventure. Not text books." He said and she rolled her eyes with a smile. Especially at ma'am. Being Trans was really hard here. People respected her but only when they knew it was her. Anyone who didn't know her just immediately thought she was a guy. Short hair (all the woman had to cut their hair short due to the lack of supplies they had) taller, more muscular than a woman. She didn't have any satisfaction of any HRT or surgeries due to her family kicking her out as soon as she said those words, so her voice sounded "manly" too. When she told Luke he gave her immense support and loved her very much. She cried that night.

She shook her head knowing she was getting off topic. Then thought about Luke. About what Leo said about him.

"One more thing Leo." She asked and he

"What do you mean by Luke is leaving?" He told her what happened since he woke up and she stared in heartbreak. "I'll uh... I'll talk to him and we can come up with something." She said when he finished explaining.

"But, for now, why don't you go to bed? It's late and we're all tired. We'll talk in the morning okay?" She asked and he nodded before hugging her. Which surprised her. He didn't let anyone else but Nico touch him unless they needed to. He trusted her. She smiled and hugged back. They lasted for about a minute before he left for bed and she walked to the tent.

---------

Nico went back to the tent trying to calm himself down but the tears just kept coming. He closed his eyes and imagined he was with Bianca. Maybe at a beach.

"Nico?" Luke asked in concern. No. He was with Luke. "What happened?" He asked and Nico hugged him for comfort. He did that a lot. Luke or Leo or Faith whoever is closest to him. He just asks for comfort and they gladly give it to him. Luke hugged back and started rubbing his head.

"Me and Leo had a fight."

"About what?"

"He doesn't trust you. I just don't get it. You saved us. And you're trying to protect us, why doesn't he get that?!" He started shaking and his breathing was getting faster and he couldn't stop crying.

"Nico? Nico, it's okay. I'm right here. Breathe. In... and out. In... and out." He followed his instructions and was sitting next to him, leaning his head on his arm in a few minutes. He was too small to reach his shoulder. Kronos groaned in his head and mumbled cursesat Luke.

"Nico, he doesn't have to trust me. He can do whatever he wants."

"I know I just..."

"You want us to be friends?"

"Yeah..." Luke loved how sweet he was. No matter what shit the others said about them they always proved them wrong. Another reason to leave.

"Nico, you can't change peoples minds about some things. You can't force him to trust me. And honestly I don't blame him. I wouldn't if I learned someone I loved hurt other people before. What stops them from doing it again? Besides when I go back to Camp they'll probably kick my butt. And guess what? I deserve it. Immensly." He said sadly and looked at Percy. Nico was half asleep on him. He had a long day today with the worrying and the arguing and the panic attack. So Luke took this time to talk to Percy.

"I'm really sorry. I don't think I can convince you guys to trust me again, I just... I want you to know that I..."

Don't say it.

"I was... wrong." Percy was about to say something when someone walked into the tent and they looked over. Faith looked at Luke with a weird expression. She looked hurt.

"We need to talk."

--------

I know you guys have been waiting I am working on it don't worry!! Also yes, Faith is Trans! We don't have enough Trans girls and I want to show my appreciation for them! They're all gorgeous and smart and funny and I love you all!! Here you guys go!!

@moa-broke-me @yonemurishiroku @pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid @potatoman-taterdude @the-demigod-slytherclaw @im-always-lost-in-a-book @stillcarmine @art-randomness @cryptic-ember

[demonir]

Reminiscing about my past… more specifically the first time I experienced transphobia directed towards me by a loved one…

I don’t remember exactly what age I was… either 13 or 14, I was still using mostly deviantart and skype as my social platforms of choice and my favorite online game was elsword

I had been roleplaying for a while by then and 99% of my characters were male so I found myself roleplaying as them… and enjoying the feeling of “acting as a boy” so much so that I told my online friends at the time to address me by a masculine name and “treat me like a boy” it felt… liberating, freeing, it filled me with a feeling that I would only find words for a long while later… gender euphoria.

I didn’t call myself trans, I didn’t say I was a boy, we all treated it more like some gag or bit, some “persona” I had taken on online. I had no one sit me down and explain to me what being transgender was, I certainly had stopped being homophobic half a year ago only so this was all entirely new to me and I wasn’t met with immediate rejection so I kept going while keeping it a secret from my more close friends as well as people irl only because deep down I felt it was “wrong” and I was doing something “I shouldn’t do”

While this happened I also had a very close friend, he was a cishet guy I had met in elsword and we had grown very close! We were both YouTubers at the time and we’d feature our sonas in each others videos all the time and we considered each other family, him being the brother I always wanted and me being the little sister he always wanted… he was 18 I believe? Or at least close to being so, he was very supportive and protective of me and genuinely a good person… even till the bitter end.

One day I opened skype and asked to talk to him about something important, he was none the wiser. I confessed to him how I wanted to be a boy and if he’d be okay with that… it was the first time I verbally acknowledged the fact that I was truly trans, and he was the first person I ever properly came out to.

He said he didn’t like it

He said that no matter what I did or said he could only see me as his little sister, that he didn’t want another little brother in his life… this of course broke my heart, I had very hesitantly come to terms with my identity for the first time and the person I looked up to rejected it without a second thought. I didn’t have an outburst, I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t try to defend myself… I simply said that if he couldn’t accept me then I didn’t want to stay, he kept messaging me after saying that we could maybe talk about it, reach some sort of agreement, I don’t remember his last words but I remember knowing he felt regret as I closed skype and uninstalled it forever.

He never tried to reach out to me through any other platforms after, not deviantart, not youtube, he didn’t even message me through the elsword friend chat in game

And that was the first time I felt someone dislike me for who I was, it wasn’t violent, I wasn’t told I was disgusting, I wasn’t questioned or told that I was mistaken… just told that he’d never see me that way… and somehow that hurt harder than any hate speech would in the years to come.

Just for the record, I do not hate him. I never did. I just feel disappointed even to this day… I hope he’s having a good life despite his hurtful words because for as long as it lasted our friendship left a mark in me, and a good one. The only thing I hope is that he sometimes thinks of me… and that he regrets his words deeply, that he re evaluates what he did and if he ever finds himself in that situation again… he won’t make the same mistake twice.

[decaf-mother]

"Close Bonds"

-

Part 1 - Part 3

-

Alec 'Everest' Amanzi x F!Reader x Aiden 'Vortex' Dunbar

Rookie|Y/N

-

Warnings: Unrealistic, Fluff, OCs x Reader, Love Triangle, Bullying, Transphobia (Vortex is Trans)

-

You found yourself spending most of your time with Vortex and Everest, only occasionally interacting with the others that were around.

You quickly found that they were best friends, consistently sparring together, eating together and generally just hanging around one another. Today you were seated between them at the table, listening to Vortex ramble about a 'cool spot' he found.

"You have to come and see it!"

Everest hummed contentedly and shook his head.

"Last time I went to see something with you I had to hike for an hour through the woods. I'll pass."

"It's a great view though! You'll come with me later, right?"

It caught you by surprise when his gaze shifted to you instead, bright smile and pretty green eyes twinkling with hope. It made it really hard to say no... Maybe it'd be good to have a little adventure anyways.

"Fine but it better not be too far."

"It won't be and it'll be worth it! I promise!"

He sounded so chipper and sincere- shuffling slightly and Everest chuckled a bit.

"You two have fun. Don't go dragging her around though."

This lead to a bit of laughter from you as well, eyes flicking up to meet Everest's. So calm and gentle to the point it's easy to get lost in them, it's like his warmth could absorb you.

They were so different- one was a powerful whirlwind of energy that drags you out of your shell and bleeds into you with pure life. The other soothes you and allows your mind and everything to simply be at ease.

"Would you like to know how we first met?"

Everest offered a story- one of back when he first was introduced to Vortex.

"It was actually back when we were in highschool. After highschool we were separated for years and then as luck would have it- we both ended up here."

"Small world!"

Vortex chimed in.

-

Splash

Soda coated Everest's torso entirely and he stood there, sticky and dripping while the bullies simply laughed at him.

"The big freak won't even defend himself. What a coward."

His silence was loud- the laughter deafening as he took a step back and tried to simply walk away. Only for one of them to block his path.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Before Everest could respond the bully grabbed the back of his head and grunted in pain, a rock had been thrown at him.

"Fuck off chicken shit."

There stood a drastically short curly haired ginger who was quite filled with rage.

This of course did not set well and that's when the yelling between all of them started.

"You'll never be a guy- you realize that, right?!? You're a fucking freak-"

Before he could finish his sentence he was harshly flung to the ground, Everest standing over him now planting his boot firmly on his chest.

"Enough."

-

For some reason that story explains a lot about their dynamic. Smiling warmly at the two you finished eating and stood up.

"Got stuff to do... I'll see ya around."

"See ya."

"Bye!"

••

Slumping forward with a groan- you've been stressing over everything that needs to be done for hours. It was taking it's toll on your well being.

A soft knock forced you out of your head, dragging your body up from the chair to go answer it.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

Opening the door slowly you peered up to see Everest, standing there with a mug of coffee in his hand... He got that specifically for you?

"May I come in?"

"Yeah... Of course."

He stepped in and set the mug down for you, eyes drifting to your face and taking in how exhausted you looked.

"You've been at this awhile. Take a break."

"I can't-"

"If you don't you'll burn yourself out. It's okay... Get some rest."

His tone wasn't rough like how most would regard you, yet still it was clear and unmoving. He wasn't going to let this go- he needed you to be alright.

He had noticed that you were over working yourself, taken note of all the little changes in your behavior.

And he's not just going to stand by while you burn your candle at both ends.

"Okay..."

-

{Hope y'all love them as much as I do. You guys are in a love triangle with best friends oops. LMAO}

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{@sofasoap @deadbranch @a-world-with0ut-dr34ms @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world @scar-crossedlvrs @blingblong55 }

-

{More Content}

[doriansredroses]

I still miss Quotev. It was the only writing site I actually enjoyed. I had a phase on Wattpad when I was 12-14 but that was before I found out about Quotev. I loved it there. I didn’t know it existed until 2019. I may have taken quizzes prior to that year but 2019 was when an old friend in high school signed me up for it. I never used the account and deleted it.

But then I decided to go back to it. That’s where I met two of my best online friends. The first one, I met them through a Harry Potter quiz. We both wrote fanfics that were tied together in the same universe as our first crossover. Then I met @xxiamtiebrousxx. We're so close. We’re both in the animated Barbie movies fandom, so she’s the Erika to my Anneliese, the Liana to my Alexa. She and I started writing constant collaborations and are trying to figure out how to continue now that Quotev is dead.

This is what I miss most about the site, the community and the way we both wrote together. I miss posting some random thing on feed and tagging her or one of my other mutuals. I miss the groups where she and I posted things privately for each other. I loved how accessible the site was, how clean it looked compared to Wattpad, and that it was so private.

Despite all of the fond memories I’ve made, I am honestly relieved in some ways that I’ve left the site. I went through hell on Quotev. A lot of people bullied me, and it wasn’t just simple cyber bullying, it was blatant betrayal. I had one friend a few years ago, who I really liked until I found out they were talking about me behind my back. When I confronted them, it turned into an argument and blew up in my face. They apologized and we tried again. But then they started hating on me for liking a specific Disney character, saying that I shouldn’t be liking him. It hurt. I lashed out because I was struggling a lot with depression and suicidal urges, but once again, things blew up in my face. I was the one getting yelled at and canceled. I lost another friend because of it. Turns out, he was just a jerk and we were better off without each other. Another user started ghosting me because of political reasons and started another war against me because I simply asked why she hurt me. This isn’t even the worst part.

On here, I met this guy who I cherished. He was really sweet to me then and I helped him discover who he was. He was struggling with being trans and wanted help finding a name and stuff. I gave him one based off of a character from a favorite novel of mine, and one he ended up reading because of me. He even said I was his muse, just like the character he was named after said to the character I most identified with. Things got rough afterwards. He was awful with communicating with me when things went wrong. His solution, ghosting me. He then ended up saying he was leaving me, and I flipped out because it was the start of my suicidal depression. We split.

But he found me again on Quotev. He stalked me there. Right after he returned into my life, there was a story posted on an anon story account. The account was created for authors who didn’t want to post stories linked to them, but still wanted to write. The intention was great but the outcome was devastating. One day I decided to check the account to see what had been posted. I saw an interesting title. I started reading it. The story had used my real name, my high school friends, and was profiting off of my current mental health issues that stemmed from abuse and friendship drama. I had every reason to get upset. My personal information had been breached to the public and it was clearly malicious. It’s very likely it was him because every single sign pointed to him, yet he denied it when I confronted him. The story made me physically ill. Someone wanted to hurt me. Things only got worse.

That same guy kept pestering me, and being the kind soul I am, I allowed him to talk to me, but from a distance because I was scared. He did the same thing again with the ghosting and I finally snapped. I was livid. What did he do in response? He started posting rumors about me that weren’t true and ended up turning almost all of my Quotev friends against me. One of them who was always there for me when I felt like I wanted to end my life posted on her feed “I hope Willow burns in hell and never sees the gates of heaven”. I broke down sobbing afterwards. It was a slew of getting blocked by old mutuals for something I didn’t do. My time from 2023 to shortly before the shutdown was full of abuse. I had to change accounts a hundred times in hopes of escaping the pure hell I was going through. The drama ruined a collaboration with my friend. People stopped reading it.

And about that one guy, one of the rumors was that I suicide baited him. I was actually suicidal and he thought my depression was a manipulation tactic to keep him from leaving. It was the Quotev/Tumblr equivalent of baby trapping in his eyes. I had offline drama too with my family and also an ex best friend who pulled some crap when he ditched me too. Quotev was supposed to be my safe space, but it turned into my worst nightmare.

I still sort of miss it. Once I got things under control, I just chatted with a few friends and stuff. I don’t love Wattpad but honestly, I realized how toxic Quotev truly was. I was chronically online, I kept getting hurt by people I thought could be trusted, and without it, I can focus on healing. I’m still going to write, and I may leave up my Quotev account for drafting purposes, but that era is behind me.

I joke that the site shutting down was a fate deserved, but at the same time, I hate that it happened because so many people are grieving. I don’t know if I could’ve left the site without this and recognize that it contributed to a lot trauma that may take a while to recover from. Some of these backstabbing Quotev users are here too, but since we are now not in the same circle, I feel free.

After running away from the villains in my life, I finally settled on Willow as my online name. You know that it means? It means freedom (and willow tree). Willow means freedom. The universe might’ve been telling me that I would soon be released from some of what had been tormenting me for an entire year. I will always have some nostalgia for Quotev and I miss how easy it was to navigate, but I had some very unfortunate experiences there that I hope not to experience here. It feels good to get this off my chest and to finally feel ready to move on. I spent so much time bending to other people’s whims that I’d forgotten what made me happiest. It’s time for me to say goodbye to the dead site and live my life.

[ferretzdiary]

Saying I love you to my parents feels so weird. It’s not that I don’t love them- it’s complicated really. I kind of hate them too. They aren’t exactly good people, but they aren’t exactly bad either?

It’s weird to say I love you to people who don’t actually love you. They love the idea of you, what they want of you and expect, and feel the need to love you because you’re their dna, but they don’t love you as you. Other than being white as paper, I’m nearly everything they hate. I’m queer, I’m trans, I’m autistic, I’m alt, I’m a punk, I hate things they worship, I’m a witch, etc. list keeps going.

They don’t like my personality. Over the years I’ve learned I get in trouble with them less if I dull myself down, if everything including my emotions are concealed. This is very difficult for someone who’s autistic, has depression, ptsd, and anxiety that affects my heart; but I have to bottle it of fear if it’s the wrong emotion I’ll get in trouble. Specifically negative ones. Negative ones are usually met with yelling, belittling, scolding, etc. anger. I literally have gotten in trouble for being on high suicide risk. I can’t help that. I wasn’t even honest on most of the questions at the damn hospital because I’m scared of them. When they find out I’m harming myself they get mad at me because I have no reason to be sad, scolding me about how good I have it. I know my life is better than a lot of peoples but that doesn’t make everything magically go away. I don’t understand why they think it does.

Not to mention they’re aware I was raped and beat by my cousin for years. They don’t care, when they found out they said and did nothing, he’s still the family favorite, and the cherry on top is life is going way better for him. He’s got a sweet girlfriend, an apartment, a good paying job, everything. I can’t even get my damn license bc for some reason I’m terrified of cars.

Back to being a faggot; when I was outed (not consensual, I begged not to be because I knew what was to come, I was already struggling to understand what was going on with myself and condemning myself) I came home to being told I’d be hung on our Barb wire fence with allll the other queers if I didn’t by my father (I had just started middle school). No exaggeration. They still tell me I can tell them anything and they don’t care but continue to spit threats, slurs and whatever the fuck else towards the lgbt, a lot of the time it feels aimed at me wether they mean it or not.

I literally have struggled to keep myself together while my heart was giving me trouble because I was so damn terrified they’d be pissed. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence because I literally Tweek out just being in a damn Walmart half the time.

I don’t have friends outside of my phone, the one irl friend I got to see moved to NY, my other one I just never see and is always sick, and everyone else is online. I’d make friends, but my parents kinda prevent that too bc I don’t want them bitching because someone looks a certain way or isn’t white. I literally avoided a black girl I wanted to be friends with because I knew she wouldn’t be safe as my friend. Not to mention I work at my dad’s food truck and other than my house and grandmas that’s all I ever go, I work full time, so how am I meant to even make friends? I’m so isolated, I’m as isolated as I was when my cousin beat me if I talked to other kids, hell I might be MORE isolated now. I’m in a tight box!!

And I’m trapped. I can’t drive, I can hardly cook, I can hardly take care of myself at all, I’m stupid as hell, need help to get through college, etc. I’m stuck. I can’t take this anymore. It’s so fucking hard not to attempt again but I don’t want to let mfs win, I want to survive for my friends, my grandma, and so I can have a future where I die as myself not the stranger I see in the mirror. My self harm has been so bad lately, I keep blanking out and relapsing, I have no one to go to. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I almost wish I could go back to the hospital and dump everything but I’m turning twenty, what can they fuckin do? Not to mention how badly I want to get my bachelors and become a zoologist, I can’t loose my college opportunity.

[toomanystoryideas]

Alright I’ll be ✨nosy✨ if you’re still willing to talk about it— what’s going on with your roommate?

yeah i’ll talk about it!! i haven’t moved out yet so i guess i’ll update if anyone is curious how that goes. here’s the story because it’s kind of long:

anyway i’m a trans man right, but i’m closeted because it probably wouldn’t be safe to come out to my very republican family, so i basically live my life as a woman. and because it’s not safe for my parents to know this, i keep a list in my notes app of everyone i’ve come out to that i know irl. i made it when i was like sixteen and jokingly called it my “hit list” and never really thought much about it after that except updating it whenever i trusted someone enough to open up to them about my identity

i now attend a university in chicago and i have two roommates and two other suitemates who are all women. i’m not out to them because it just didn’t really come up and i didn’t want to make them uncomfortable rooming with a man yknow? i’m used to being closeted it was okay

anyway about two weeks ago now, on the sunday before halloween, i’m in the common lounge area of the floor we live on talking to a few people i’m out to and i told them about my “hit list”. i was being vague because one of my roommates was there but not really listening and i didn’t want to out myself, but regardless i was saying this in a very jokey and lighthearted way, like, a way that should have made it extremely obvious that i am not going to actually kill anyone. because duh? should be obvious it’s just a joke

fast forward to halloween (tuesday); it’s like 11:30pm and i’m alone in our room almost done with my homework. i get a knock at my door and go to open it to find it’s an RA i’ve never met before, who says we have to have a conversation in the RA office downstairs. he tells me someone who heard me saying this (i have a sneaking suspicion it’s one of my “friends”) reported me and i have to explain myself to a worker on the protocol phone line. so i have to vaguely and very uncomfortably out myself, and i’m really emotional and pissed off, but whatever, i’m told the situation is cleared. (my roommates don’t sleep in our room that night and they told me they just didn’t wanna wake me so they had a sleepover with some of our friends.)

anyway the next morning i’m on the train to come back from a class i have in another part of the city and i get an extremely rude email from a dean of students telling me we have to have a meeting at a specific time; he didn’t even ask for my availability. i think the situation is cleared already but i go anyway, really mad about it. so we meet and he’s SO condescending, talking about how what i did is like yelling “fire” in a crowded theater (not true at all?) but eventually i get through to him and he resolves the situation.

but my roommates don’t sleep in the room that night either, which is when it starts to get weird, so i try to ask but they’re kind of icing me out of our entire friend group. eventually one of them tells me they’ve been told to stay in temp housing and they can’t sleep in our room. they tell me they’re not even supposed to talk to me or know the situation.

so i send an angry email to the dean and he calls me on the phone the next day—patronizing as ever—and i tell my roommates they can come back as soon as they’re back from their weekend trip back to their hometown (because, oh yeah, they’re childhood friends from a small town, and i’m their randomly selected third person)

so they do and everything is normal for a little while, but weirdly they don’t ask about it and don’t want to hear about what happened when i offer to tell them. whatever i just don’t talk about it then and we pretend nothing happened.

until about a week ago when our building’s RD emails all five of us saying we have to have a meeting to “process feelings and impacts” or some shit. none of us can agree on a time until we finally meet two nights ago. and that’s when everything goes to shit, because as soon as i re-explain the situation everyone starts freaking the fuck out

basically they are shaking and/or crying saying shit like “you can never say that in a joking way” “that’s never something to joke about” “i’m just worried l like what if it’s real” “so there is a list” “i’ve had panic attacks” “we all lay awake at night wondering if something will happen” “[other roommate] and i lost a pair of scissors and we were freaking out”

the conclusion of this meeting is that they all want me to leave. over a joke i made one time. and the fucked up part is because the dean cleared me, i don’t have to do anything and nobody from admin can make me leave. but my roommates avoid me at all costs and haven’t even been sleeping in the room or coming in more than like for one second once a day to grab something since that meeting happened. so now i don’t want to stay here anyway, since our whole friend group also lives on this floor of this building and i can’t stand to see them all hanging out without me all the time it’s horrible. but i also live in the best freshman residence hall and we’re all in a living learning community so i don’t want to leave this building

the three options i have right now:

move right now into an open spot on a sophomore-only floor of this building (i want this the most but it is NOT likely admin will let this happen)

move into temp housing in a worse building and then move back into a spot on a freshman floor that will only open up after the semester is over (i want to stay in this building so i’d hate the temp housing plus it’s like moving twice within one school year which sounds like torture)

stay here for the rest of this semester and then move into that spot that will open up after the semester is over (i just want to get out of here atp since half the people that live here are either avoiding me or being avoided by me)

sorry for how long this post is lmfao. i’m having a meeting on monday or tuesday probably to discuss the options and see which one i will go with

[grimmgrinningghouls]

There is an experience I have been thinking a lot about. When I was like, 12 or 13 I began getting super dysphoric. I think I always had some form of gender dysphoria, but I had kept it in the back of my mind. I was never taught anything about different genders or anything queer, I had to figure it all out on my own with zero guidance other then my father dropping slurs occasionally.

When I was 12 I was introduced to lgbtq+ stuff for the first time, through the internet actually. It's silly but Yuri was literally the first introduction I had into being queer. From that point, I began doing my own research and forming my own opinions on things.

When I found out what being trans was is when all that dysphoria set in. A lot of my experiences lined up with a lot of trans mens, I never felt comfortable in my own body, I never felt comfortable being a girl, and I didn't know what to think or feel. I was so very confused and I had absolutely no one to help me, I didn't know what to do, so I made the mistake of going to my mother.

I told her I thought I might be trans and her reaction was downright awful. I will never forget how she reacted. She went into my room and began ripping many of my posters, toys, and displays apart yelling that if I wanted to be a man so badly then I had to get rid of anything a girl would have. I was very much a tomboy so most of my stuff was 'boy toys' anyways, but that didn't stop her from throwing away all my horses, books, and art supplies since "men don't use those things!" which is just bullshit.

She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the bathroom before grabbing my dad's razor and told me that if I was a man I had to cut all my hair off. I was crying so hard I threw up, at the time I liked having my long hair. I later got rid of my long hair so get fucked Mom but anyways. She told me she had trans friends (She didn't, she was transphobic) that would be offended if she told them what I did. Trans people, would you be offended at a 12-year-old with gender dysphoria asking their parent for guidance? Because I haven't met a single trans person who would find that offensive.

That whole experience basically scared me into ignoring any gender dysphoria I felt, which trust me, I felt a lot of it. I ignored it because I was scared of what would happen if I explored my gender again, I was scared of offending people and making them mad at me. When I realized I was a lesbian it kinda helped, since I was able to excuse a lot of the dysphoria I felt as being "Oh, I'm just butch" which I'm not.

I'm 22 now, I'm living far, far away from my parents. I'm in a safe space surrounded by loving and open queer people, and it took me a long time, but I finally began exploring my gender again. I'm genderfluid, and I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin. I finally feel like I know who I am and who I want to be. I like being both a girl and a boy, I like going by both she/her and he/him, it makes me feel so unbelievably happy that all my friends use both pronouns now.

To think, when I was 12, if I had the support I have now I would've been saved from so many years of dysphoria, confusion, and self-hatred.

[in-flvx]

🦇💜 11, 17, 24 🌟🦇

Hi, love <3

11 - what fic are you most proud of making?

It's actually this rarepair fic. It started as a crackfic, but I love them together, and I really loved writing them! It's "Petunia's first Outing" about Petunia/Rita. They're both a bit horrible, but they find each other in their love for gossip, and their different versions of being cast out from the lives they live. I love Trans!Rita, and her struggles with the wizarding community. And I actually came to love Petunia, the way she struggles in her family, and how all of that would lead her to be who she is when we meet her in canon.

17 - the thing in canon that everybody loves, that you also love:

Very much James & Sirius. Their friendship is so special, and so beautiful. Reframing them as lovers is not a far step, and I love them as lovers (or a messy mix), but I also love them as the closest of friends. They belong to each other. Another thing is Sirius & animals. That man has them all gagged just by existing. Imagine being the only person who never has to bow to a hippogriff just because you're you! That's Sirius! He's the best!!!

24 - How has fandom positively impacted your life?

I met a bunch of really awesome people here, and I really love to have people to yell about my obsessions about. And it's also the reason I got back to writing. I always loved writing, but I lost the spark some years ago, when I didn't have people to write with, and for. But fandom gave that back to me, and I'm really really grateful for that!!!

[drjohndisco]

TARDIS Fuckery

[A/N] @dragonautical

Here you go Pax!! This was so fun to write!! I hope you enjoy this!

The door closed behind Pax and Belle, and they fell to the floor, out of breath.

'And to think….all I wanted was a picnic.' Belle said, raking a hand through his hair. ‘Giant plants were not on my bingo card.’ They then looked down at the empty container in their hands and the splattered remains of what used to be fruit. ‘Damn, it ate my strawberries.’

'That sucks, but such are the marvels of time and space fuckery. Or the failures in the case of your fruit.’ Pax replied, fixing his jacket and standing up. He then extended a hand for Belle to take. ‘I'm sure, we'll get there eventually, my friend.' 

'Thanks.' Belle said, helping themselves up off the floor. 'Now, which way do we go?'

'Didn't you say you had a sort of internal tardis related compass?' Pax questioned.

'Yeah, but that's only when she's not being irritated at me.'

‘Okay, then I guess we’ll have to find our way out.’

Suddenly a door appeared at the end of the hallway. It was glowing slightly, with a golden colour. 

‘Are we going through the door?’ 

‘I suppose we must.’

So they went through the door and, with a pop, it disappeared behind them. Abruptly a puff of smoke swallowed Belle, and he was gone. Pax blinked in surprise, and pulled the sonic sunglasses down over his eyes. 

‘All I can see is the sonic screwdriver.’ Pax stated, confused.

‘I’m down here.’ Belle replied.

Only then did Pax see the small dragon. Belle was covered with mostly royal blue scales, except for the golden ones along their spine, which were peeking out of the small version of their blue hoodie. (Their pants had a hole for the tail.)

‘Why the fuck am I a dragon?’ Belle yelled. ‘The tardis has transmogrification doors now?’

‘Apparently…’ Pax sighed. ‘Now, I’m going to pick you up so that I can scan you with the sonic sunglasses.’

‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’ Belle mimicked, in a horrendous Scottish Accent (which wasn’t helped by their lizard tongue) ‘Well, maybe you should have given us more instructions!!’

Thankfully nothing went wrong with the scan that Pax did, so he put Belle (with their permission) into his pocket and continued onward.

++

‘Is that you humming?’ Pax asked.

‘No, I think that’s the tardis. We have to be somewhere adjacent to the engine.’

‘I'd like my clothes to not be sticky.’ Pax mused.

Belle breathed out through their nose, creating a plume of smoke, and then extricated a claw from the pocket’s fabric.

‘She wants us to wait.’

‘Why?’

Belle shrugged, as well as a dragon could have. They didn’t have to wait too long though, as the door opened (with a slow creak) to show them the wardrobe; and what a wardrobe it was. A spiral staircase stretched all the way to the top, and multiple outfits were hung from the ceiling (which was unable to be seen.) 

‘Woah.’ Belle gasped. The door then clicked behind them and, with yet another pop, they were no longer a dragon. 

‘You’re back!’

‘Oh,’ Belle said, wiggling their fingers up and down and running their hands through his hair. ‘You never know how much you miss things until you don’t have them anymore. Although - I am glad that the trans urge to become a dragon has gone. For now, at least.’

‘What about the one where you want to be a bug?’

‘Never!’ Belle laughed. 

++

About 30 minutes later (neither of them are the best with directions) they met each other at the bottom of the staircase. 

Pax had changed into a new denim jacket (this time in a darker blue) over the top of a brightly patterned rainbow shirt, with black and white plaid pants. His shoes were black converse.

Belle (on the other hand) was dressed in a long dark grey coat. This was over a red striped shirt and brown pants, while heir shoes were dark blue sneakers.

'Better?' Belle said.

'Definitely.' Pax replied. His eye then caught sight of something shiny attached to their coat, so he pointed at it. 'Wait. What's that?'

'An apology from the tardis.' It was a small blue brooch, that they'd attached to their top pocket. 'Speaking of which, she says we should be all good to go now. There’ll be an exit in a few seconds.’ 

Then, right on cue, the final door (under the stairs) opened to reveal The Doctor, standing on a hill under a tree with bright yellow leaves. His guitar was slung around his shoulder, and he was playing the chords to something softly. The pair stepped through it and ended up on the bottom of the hill.

‘Doctor!’ Pax called out.

‘Ah, there you are!��� He called back, waving. ‘Now, what took you so long?’

[frasermints]

idk what's going on and don't wanna talk about kalvin tbh. just writing in to say your tag about laughing being gender euphoric is literally on my pros list in considering going on t. i love how there are so many normal things cis people go through that are affirming and getting to finally experience that, what feels normal, is sooo amazing. love that for us, no matter what stage or ways we get to feel those gendery feelings. cool stuff <3

babes it's so fucking worth it. i was scared to start t, i had JUST come out to my mom the fortnight before and i literally had my first box of gel in my hands and i remember shaking in the kitchen thinking god. what the fuck am i doing. is this seriously worth it ???

i was housesitting for a friend's mom so i got some time away from her but i literally got to watch in real time as i started developing bottom growth in the first three days.

i remember sitting on the toilet one day a few months later and looking at my thighs going wait, when did i get leg hair that long and thick that high up ???

i remember my throat hurting like FUCK in the first stage of voice drop and thinking wow... teenage boys experience this... i am a Certified Teenage Boy™ at the ripe old age of [REDACTED]. better late than never.

i remember the first time i was gendered properly in public. yes, it was by someone that knew i was trans. but it still felt good.

i remember the first time i heard a child refer to me as "he" and "him". he didn't fuck up once. he still hasn't. neither has his sister. he is eight and she is five. she was four when she met me. it's literally not hard.

i remember the first time my mom referred to me as her child instead of her daughter. i remember saying thank you. i remember her telling me that she's sorry for calling me a mistake and that she's trying, and that it's going to take time, but that she's Going To Try Because She Loves Me.

i remember yelling at my cats to stop antagonizing each other and my voice reverberating against the walls so sharply bc it was deep. not loud, not squeaky, deep.

i remember looking at my face in the visor mirror on the way to work one day bc i had a pimple and going what the fuck, when did i develop jaw hair??? and turning my face and discovering an entire fucking beard i genuinely did not know i had. it was patchy as hell and still peach-fuzz consistency, and i shave because i'm not out at my primary job, but i literally... have a beard. that appeared out of nowhere.

having a penis, having hair, being addressed properly by adults and children, having a deep voice - these are things cis men experience on a regular basis. people don't typically fuck up and if they do they apologize and move on. but with trans men, these are little nuggets of joy that can make or break our days, our weeks, our months. and yeah, it's exciting to be able to share in the joy that is finally fitting into our bodies, but god damn i wish i didn't have to put in so much fucking work just to have these little slices of happiness.

also. nothing's going on with kg i just have a lot of trauma associated with him & bw and i can very distinctly hear their rhetoric in my head sometimes even 5-10 years later and it's helpful for me to verbalize against it. i'm sorry if i stirred discourse or anxiety that was not my intention but i recognize that may have been the repercussions of my actions

[ayadoesart42]

please give me all the jakurai headcanons you can possibly think of i am so. jakurai ♡

Very well then! >:D

Jakurai HCs:

First of all, closeted trans fem. Jakurai is a woman. However, she doesn’t want to bother those around her so she rolls with whatever people assume.

Jakurai doesn’t tell Doppo and Hifumi about transness becuase Hifumi would be afraid of her, and she cares about his well being (more than her own)

There is only one thing Hitoya can be Jakurai at- and that’s cooking. Jakurai is absolutely incapable of making anything (alone) is that does not end up a charcoal. Hifumi has tried to help, and failed. She’s fine with help though.

Jakurai works both day shift and night shift. Coworkers have to force the good doctor to sit down and drink some water and maybe eat something.

When Jakurai is dealing with trauma throwbacks or anything of that sort, he just yells.

Has Facebook.

Favorite colors are pink and purple.

Jakurai asked Yotsutsuji to say “Jakurai” instead of “father” because hehe female would rather be “mother.

Hitoya in high school was the first person to experience Jakurai drunk

Mostly asexual. I can’t explain this aside from relationships are a lot to hold up with Jakurai’s profession

.

When Jakurai finally gets a day off from work, that day is spent sitting in the couch watching House Hunters or the news, or going out and getting a massage.

Hug levels are through the roof. You will never have a hug like the ones Jakurai gives.

In time spent chilling at home, the hair goes up into a messy bun and a pink headband.

Once when Jakurai was a child, that gorgeous hair caught on fire during a birthday party with the candles. To this day, the hair must be up and out of the face before a candle can be lit.

There’s a scented candle in every room.

Jakurai finds time to have a garden that Hifumi uses for his successful cooking.

Coffee free. No caffeine whatsoever.

Has a million clothes and a bottomless pit closet. 

Donates to war refugees weekly.

Wears fuzzy socks

Has those “life laugh love” type signs all over the house

Jakurai was Hifumi and Doppo���s witness for their wedding

Secretly plays candy crush

Used bath bombs on a regular basis

GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN/lh

Jakurai has a trans detector so like in the scene in the manga when the girl (that hifumi thought was a boy) runs into Jakurai’s house, Jakurai is immediately like “oh what a charming young lady” and my friend declared she (the little girl / I’m blanking on her name ksjsjsjs) was amab so yeah Jakurai is awesome like that

(This one is sad) Jakurai spends so much time and energy caring for other people that he forgets to eat and as a result he is extremely very underweight

^^But back when he had Yotsutsuji, he would make sure Jakurai ate and drank a human amount

Jakurai visits Yotsutsuji everyday despite however busy he may be

Hifumi and Doppo have never met Yostutsuji

Jakurai’s favorite gift is flowers

IM SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER BUT I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I GOT ALL OF ‘EM