#yell @ god is a MOOD
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I NEED SOMEONE TO BE MY PLATONIC ROOMMATE TO HAVE AN INCREDIBLY DEEP CONNECTION WITH IN NO WAY ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON BOTH THE HIGHEST HIGHS AND LOWEST LOWS, TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, SHARE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS, BE ABLE TO BOTHER AND CARE FOR SOMEONE, FULLY RELAX IN THE PRESENCE OF, HAVE AFFECTIONATE MOMENTS WITHOUT TENSION, RECIEVE COMFORT, GIVE ATTENTION, DO FUN AND WACKY ACTIVITIES, GET INTO STRANGE SCENARIOS, AND TO GET INTO A SOFT BANTER IN THE LATE EVENING AS WE TALK THROUGH OUR DAYS AND WHAT THE NEXT ONE MAY FORTALE AS WE SOFTLY LAUGH AND MELT WITHIN EACHOTHERS PRESENCE AND NOBODY EVEN FOR A SPLIT SECOND CONSIDERS US TO BE PARTNERS AND YET WE’RE CLOSER THAN ANY DUO THERE WERE TO EVER EXIST!
FUCK MORTY AND RICK OR GLAM AND CHES, I WANT WHAT SHERLOCK AND WATSON HAVE - A DEEP BOND WITHOUT NO MORE REASON RATHER THAN BEING JUST PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER, FIND PARTS OF YOURSELF IN THE OTHER WHILE THE THINGS YOU LIKE THE OTHER BRINGS TO THE CONVERSATION AND SITUATIONSHIP.
PLEASE REALISE THIS ISNT A NEED FOR A FOUND FAMILY NOR A LITTLE COWORKER WITHIN MY HOME BUT A PROPER EXTENSION OF THE HEART INTO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!!!
TO BE ABLE TO BE VULNERABLE, A BITCH, AN ABSOLUTE UNPREDICTABLE MESS, A TERRIBLE MAN, A HORRIBLE WOMAN, AN INSANE DOG, AN OVERLY GIDDY CHILD, AND MUCH MUCH MORE WITH THE OTHER SIMPLY UNDERSTANDING.
UNDERSTANDING IT ALL. THE WHYS AND HOWS AND WHAT TO DO. JUST.. BEING THERE, ALL CHILL, AND ABLE TO BE READY FOR ANY AND ALL SITUATIONS AS WE EMBARK ON DELIGHTFUL ADVENTURES!!
#friendship#oh my god they were roommates#connection#vulnerability#relationship#love language#couple#soulmates#aroace#asexual#aromantic#platonic love#current mood#silly goofy goober guy#Yes I needed capslock throughout#My mind and heart are yelling#And so am i#/pos btw
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me every day
#i am in the MOOD to watch s1 again#will put it on while i get ready for bed i think#H2O Just Add Water#H2O: Just Add Water#H2O JAW#cruddy rambles#this meme is subliminal messaging... watch H2O... watch H2O........#this is so much funnier with the Jerric icon. but you KNOW he would sit down and watch it with Katie and get irrationally upset at Zane and#SPOILERS to the point he's yelling at the TV and Katie is like dad it's not real. please stop i can't hear what they're saying#Jerric who has a Master's in biology: oh my god they did not just- ohhh my god... [calling Holly] Belinda you are not going to believe what#just happened in this children's TV show. Holly is like 'Kedves I cannot emphasize enough how much I don't care' and hangs up#I guess we're at the point where this has unintentionally become a#Veneer#post so I'll just tag it as such#Jerric Kedves#Holly Belinda#these tags are so much funnier with the secret knowledge that I have an H2O au of the crestfall scientists#thankfully nobody reads these no one will EVER KNOW#Holly is too busy turning herself into a snake lady to care about the children's TV show#She will hear about it tomorrow in the break room so it's no big loss to Jerric
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...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
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I'm going to cry in the bathroom haven't felt this bad at work in a long time sigh......
#i messed up a few times and manager was in one of ger moods we got everything done but she kept running around like we were busy and yelling#at people oh my god
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Would u actually go into the attic tho, be honest...
After lucifer specifically told u not to?
#i dont got that curiosity in me#belphie just wouldnt be apart of my personal obey me story#well not until the end#cause hed just break out one day#there would be a lot of yelling#id be standing around confused#and then belphie would just kill my ass on sight cause human#UNLESS i have this strong pull to go to the attic because of the plot gods#but i dont trust like that#so just cause some guy tells me to make pacts#doesnt mean imma do it lol#why should i let u out dude??#i rather not tbh cause i feel like im meddling in shit i dont fully understand...#id keep making the plot stall and the plot would have to find ways to force me forward#im such in a obey me talking mood#i could come up with so many scenarios in my mind#obey me
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gritting my teeth, smiling, swallowing my emotions so hard i'm making myself nauseous: yeah im coping great with my bpd haha
#alex yells at the void#my mood stabilizers catch the worst of it but oh my god#literally i cant believe this is how you're supposed to cope with it officially#just keep everything inside until you die dont you dare inconvenience other people#third degree burns analogy is more accurate than people think#never forget that bpd has a 10% suicide rate as in successful ones#that doesnt even count attempts#remission my ass 4/9 symptoms is still unbelievable suffering#just cause it's no longer 5 doesnt mean youre great#anyway just complaining about my fucked up brain on main
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To all of the teachers that have yelled/scolded me the last two years: I don't feel guilt about any of the shit you tried to publicly shame me for so L to y'all for acting like children at a child
#my mood swings can make me feel like god#they try to get me to stop in rude ways but they are talking to someone in a mentally distorted state#two wrongs don't make a right so yelling at me for acting out due to things I can't control is shitty on their part#my poor classmates always feel so awkward when I'm getting yelled at and I'm just blankly staring at adults I have zero respect for#I've never been sent to the office or sent to the hallway they just immediately yell at me and it's unprofessional#give me all your lsd so I can feel my mind unweave again✌️#I try to respect all of the adults in my life but when they act like that it makes it very hard
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i guess i have to talk to my boss tonight about next week as i'll be seeing her when i go in wish me luck
#i know no matter what i say she'll be pissed off#cause she's apparently already in a bad mood because oh god forbid she has to actually cover a shift when someone is sick#and i didn't agree to come in at the time she was asking me to#so. shes's gonna be mad at me#which is fine i really do not care anymore#i just hope she doesn't yell at me cause i really cannot handle getting yelled at#snow.txt
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God I wish I could be on a different planet rn. @ any clone take me into your fucking arms
#tag vent incoming ->#god i fucking. hate. not being able to be normal abt people talking in other rooms#the moment the MOMENT i hear my parents voices in their bedroom or in the living room or wherever the fuck that isnt my bedroom#i immediately just. freeze up. i lock tf up and hone in everything into listening#searching for intonations to determine moods#waiting for raised voices#waiting for screaming waiting for crying waiting for absolutely foundation-quaking yells of fury and frustration#things have been mostly alright lately but#hell even back at college i would end up locking up when i heard people yelling down the hall#when i was 50+ miles away from home with complete strangers#but my body jumped to 'your parents are yelling again and youre caught in the middle again'#i just want one day. one day where i can feel safe#one day where i can hear people talking in the next room over and not turn into a statue intent on listening and playing crowd control#re;my post: @any clone take me into your fucking arms. please.#any fucked up backwater planet youre deployed on is better than here
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i’m going to spend my entire 11 hour work shift replaying the “”””debate”””” that just happened at my partner’s grandma. they just kept going ! and going !
#she was being so fucking xenophobic#and yelling at us#and his uncle was drunk and yelling over her#their lack of awareness of other people being uncomfortable is unparalleled#the grandma even asked me ‘oooo julie you’re in a mood?’ when i got up to leave after 45 minutes of being uncomfortable#and on the verge of tears#i hate everyone and i am not going to your next dinners im sorry miss#fuck i just realized she will probably be at my partners concert in two weeks#i want to die#i have to leave a bad impression but oh my fucking god
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fantasy verse is just… the complete culmination of io believing that the path to peace is forged with violence. io died in that verse feeling ashamed and humiliated and inhumanly furious. there’s no taming them down. io was given a choice to turn everything about themself into a weapon and they took it. they made themself a one-person war machine and wreaked havoc with it. they’d twist themself into knots just to do it all over again. because in every. single iteration of io they find joy in destruction. they find pleasure in it. they were made to be a wildfire, a landslide, a tornado. io will never be anything at their core other than brutal, because it means freedom, it means peace, and it means that they get to be the scariest motherfucker around. io takes venadeus’s deal in every version of themself because they want to live, and they want to be so dangerous as to be virtually untouchable.
#⌜❝ 𝙾𝙾𝙲. until next song. i will live until you die. ❞ ⌟#which is why I like to point at io and yell corruptible! corruptible!#venadeus is a corrupting force#there is no doubt in my mind about that#anyway I rlly love this verse just bc I can take io to the extreme#their calmness for one person once in a blue moon does not change the fact that they would#raze the nearest city just for the pleasure of it#(a) god’s perfect killing machine#someday I’ll poke at my bad end verse ideas again#bc they pull out that part of io very well too#and I love it#anyway now bed#and logging out til tomorrow bc my mood dropped a lot tbh#gnight <3
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every once in a while I rerealise that my teenage self wasn't crazy/selfish/ungrateful and my parents really were just Like That
#like they've mellowed out NOW but my dad still got drunk on my twelfth birthday and used to get in terrifying moods#where he'd get physical wih my sister and once for no actual reason he shoved me to the floor#and my mum would get into random sulks and say she wishes she didn't have us and there would be constant loud explosive arguments#in our house at all times and I'd spend my days in constant stress and that's literally why I'm like this.#like ok i didn't make any of that up and I'm just supposed to forget abt it now they're better (not even GOOD. just better)#and i have! and then it turns out the only reason they've been chill is because#1) they think I'm going to kill myself and 2) I've been acting the way they wanted me to#the second i ask for anything from them that they disagree (like. don't call me every single hour because i haven't responded to a text u#sent three hours ago) it's back to the same bullshit. whatever#OH remember when my dad said i eat too much and started me on the path to my eating disorder. good times!#god remember when they yelled at my in public for my eating disorder. jesus#remembering parts of my childhood and they're all bad lol!
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I hate burnt-out gifted kids
#We get it you were worshipped in kindergarten. Shut the fuck up#It’s just ughhhhhhh#You were messed up from school and you look for anyone with a similar experience#And all you find is the same brats who were jeering at you for being an idiot#Only now they’re victims so you can’t hate them#And this is me being unfair. I don’t actually hate gifted kids and we’re all in the same boat etc etc don’t yell at me#But the constant “omg guys school was so hard for ME 🥺 do you have any idea how HARD it is to not be special anymore 🥺#Do you have any idea how much I SUFFERED from being treated like gods gift to earth when I was a kid 🥺”#While you can’t find anyone talking about your experiences is so fucking grating#Shut up. Shut up for five fucking seconds you insufferable idiots#YOU ARENT SPECIAL AND YOU NEVER WERE; DEAL WITH IT.#THE REST OF US WERE DEALING WITH IT FOR YEARS BEFORE YOU#rue rants#vent#academic trauma#idk if I have trauma but. This is the closest tag to what I feel#I’m in a mood
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If you've ever left a comment on one of my fics and I didn't answer it know that I live in so much shame but it's also been way too long and I don't want to bring attention back to it
#me leaving comments and not getting a reply: thats totally fine im not expecting one#me not replying: i am the worst person in the entire world#my inbox haunts me whenever i do actually reply#ive tried not to get into the mood of never answering comments but i always am like 'god i did these but not the others'#anyway 'i love you all' i yell into the void to find those people
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no need for me to Get Good when I can just trick a boss into jumping through a glass floor. I love this game
#okay I did look online for help on this one#tbf I also defeated the boss the conventional way also#but this was hilarious and also is prob a necessary strat for p rank later anyway#mind you I did have 20 restarts for some of the cerberuses (cerberi?)#every time I play “god damn the sun” I yell “god damn the sun”#because yeah god damn the sun that sure is a mood#always takes me a minute to remember how to move so as to avoid the hot sand smh#ultrakill spoilers
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ok. bed. time. honk shoo honk shoo
#speculation nation#my eyes are burning. something bad happened with my brain today#wouldnt it be nice to hav enormal emotional regulation so i dont end up in manic moods where im yelling so much#on top of everything else im starting to wonder whether my manic depressive symptoms are a sign of. another thing.#On God im gonna see a psychiatrist. sometime soon. pls @ my brain let me make an appointment for the psychiatrist to fix u PLS#ok. anyways. honk shoo honk shoo
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