#years after college makes it feel weird to include anything i read SINCE then in question 44

[storybook-souls]

"Book Worm" asks: 43 & 44?

thanks patch :D

43. Title of a book you own that's in the worst physical condition you have. Explain what happened to it. Post a picture if you want.

aslkdf i think it's this one, Freddy Plays Football by Walter R. Brooks. the Freddy books are a series about talking animals from like the 1920s-1950s that i was obsessed with as a kid mostly bc my library happened to have a ton of them. i don't own very many but one is this paperback that must have gotten SOAKED at some point--I don't remember how, but the entire thing is waterlogged. but it's dry now! and readable! and these books are a little hard to find and i'm sentimental about it so i'm not getting rid of it

44. The book(s) whose stories have become part of your very makeup.

man there's so many. the aforementioned Freddy series. Warrior Cats. The Boxcar Children, especially the first three books. Lord of the Rings and Narnia are both deeply in there. when i re-read Percy Jackson recently i was startled by how many times i was like "oh so THAT'S where i first encountered this trope." The Hunger Games series. The Mysterious Benedict Society. Ella Enchanted. A Little Princess. the Rowan Hood series. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles. The Penderwicks. From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler. The Westing Game. a lot of Eva Ibbotson's books, but especially The Island of the Aunts and The Star of Kazan. a lot of Andrew Clements' books, but especially No Talking and The School Story. i could keep going and i'm also sure there's some important ones i'm forgetting bc they're not on my shelves.

send me book asks to answer!!

[cloveroctobers]

OCTOBER PROMPTS 🎃 — 3. Fezco

A/N: I always loved writing for fez so here’s a cute moment from me to y’all this fall season + I can’t wait to see Angus’ unreleased films—just saw a trailer for one the other night 🧡

PROMPTS are from here + I’m using: back to school/university + studio ghibli + “here take this!” “It’s a white sheet.” “Yeah, put it on.”

WARNINGS: language + doing weird couple things inspired by the fall season? :)

<- read my previous october prompt here.

⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾

He’s all open arms with a duffel bag on his shoulder, dark auburn hair grown out a bit from the usual buzz cut, single gold chain shining underneath the evening light, and when he catches your eye, seated on the top of the table outside on this fall Friday night, laughing it up with most of your new friends he can’t help but to smile at the sight. Fez was proud to see that most of the worries that you once had about lacking friends at college seemed to be a thing of the past.

“If they don’t see how special you are then fuck ‘em, you don’t need them. And you always got me and ash, remember that. I’ll even slide through and sit in on a class if you want me to.” He often told you when you weren’t having the best days adapting to your new environment, which was a hour and some change away from east highland and you knew Fez always means what he says. He’s always ten toes down for you and the feeling was surely mutual. However Fez wasn’t much of a school person himself preferring street smarts over anything but he never steered you away from getting your education, even when you wanted to give up but he knew you were never serious. It was of course sweet to hear Fez say these things but it didn’t completely erase the feeling when you’re out here on your own dealing with social anxiety. You had to do what you had to do and that’s on Tommy pickles!

It’s only been close to two months since you were back in school.

Taking a gap year—or two after graduating high school to figure out what you truly wanted to do, which did include working since your parents weren’t having you sitting around for a year not doing shit. Thankfully they allowed you to focus on your studies and you didn’t have to work throughout high school a couple years back. That gap turned into two with you going through two jobs and settled on a third before you took your chances again with UCLA.

Y’all don’t want to hear all the details but you made it back around to school at twenty, dreading the thought at the beginning and a little bit more once you set foot inside these huge classrooms but at least you kinda had a better idea of a major now than at eighteen. The dread kicked in even more because it always felt like you were behind especially when you talked to some classmates that were a little younger and more guided. The stress actually had you crying about it to your boyfriend fez over lengthy phone calls and FaceTimes more than with your own parents, who did check in, but you felt like they just didn’t get it.

To see Fez here unexpectedly had your heart thudding in your ears and you wasted no time, jumping off the table to run into Fez’s arms.

“Wassup ma? You miss me?”

“Always.” You nuzzled your head against Fez’s cheek, who chuckled, circling one arm around your body, tugging you right to his.

When you finally broke apart, you felt your eyes burning as you gripped his face just staring at him.

“C’mon man, you got time to drool over me later.”

Which made you playfully roll your eyes before intertwining your fingers with his, Fez giving your hand a gentle squeeze before you pulled him over to briefly introduce him to the friends you made. He was exactly what they were all expecting and they approved, although fez didn’t get the chance to put his stamp on them face to face because you were pulling him away to head back to the dorms.

“Hey! Make sure you put the scrunchie on the door for me!” Your roommate, Jasmine called out to you while the rest let out a chorus of ooo’s, which made Fez give a faint dimpled grin with you shaking your head.

Fez said from behind you as you practically dragged him through the leaf covered campus, “oh word? That’s what y’all be on here? I’m finna come up here every weekend then.”

Scoffing you slowed to walk beside fez instead, enjoying the feeling of him being beside you again. It was hard when you’re used to being around someone if not every day then every other day. Sure you ended up with one best friend during your senior year—that wasn’t fez but she was also one of the ones that always knew what they wanted to do with their lives. As soon as graduation hit, you spent maybe a few days out of the summer together before she started spending her time hanging out elsewhere with other people that decided to do the same schooling as her instead during the end of summer. Then she was gone off to college abroad on a ship with those said friends, yeah that shit must be real nice!! but you were always prone to motion sickness.

But hey! At least you still followed each other on Instagram and you liked each other’s photos from time to time. There really wasn’t any beef, that’s just the way life goes sometimes. You fall out of sync with old friends; although your mind starts to play tricks on you, making you question if the friendship was ever really genuine or just temporary. Nonetheless you tried to get over that as you welcomed new people in your life and they accepted you in return.

You still never planned on forgetting about Fergus O’Carroll, even if your brain tried.

“I see somebody’s ready for Halloween and shit,” Fez comments after dumping his bag on the desk chair, then moving back to the center of the dorm room to spin the hanging witch from the light on the ceiling.

Plopping down on your side of the room you sigh, “that’s all Jas’ doing. She basically forced me to get in the spooky spirit with this blanket and stuffed pumpkin. Otherwise than that, all these decorations are her doing. We both know I’m more of a Christmas person.”

“That’s coo though, ain’t nothing wrong with that. You like what you like.” Fez shrugged before hopping up on the bed with you, “although I must admit, I packed my road dog, Chucky with me.”

Fez and Ash loved Halloween for as long as you’ve been in their lives. “Child’s Play,” happened to be one of many of their favorite horror movies, which also didn’t surprise you as much when it came down to the deranged shit talking redhead of a doll. They got a kick out of him and Ash even tried to prank you seasons ago, dressed up as such one night when you fell asleep on their couch cramming for a test the next day, that’s until you pranked him right back during his prank; by faking unconsciousness deciding that you were getting sick of his pranks after awhile.

You showed that little shit but it was always all love.

Shoulder to shoulder, Fez bumped yours making you laugh a bit after you kicked off your shoes.

“So you’re here.”

“Shit, I think so.” Fez slowly blinked at you, patting all over his torso before the both of you laughed into each other’s faces, “yeah, happy to be here wit you.”

You’re scratching at his beard, then running your fingertips over the growth of hair on his head, to scanning the soft freckles all over his skin until you’re leaning forward to press a kiss right to his lips. Fez licks his bottom lip when you pull away, resting his hand right on your thigh now, “damn that little kiss is all I get? It’s been like twelve-fifty days since I last saw you.”

“That doesn’t sound right but I believe you,” you laughed still caressing his jaw before placing your lips right back on Fez’s.

It seems as if all the stress of whatever maybe going on in your lives burns away with the both of you in each others faces again. Phone calls can only get you so far and you knew Fez was busy getting to the bag while you were getting to the books. Yes those were his words, not yours. However you still made time for each other the best way you knew how, after all this relationship was not something either of you imagined letting go of.

“I’d say put the hair tie on the door but nature is currently doing its thing.” You whispered to fez, after the both of you broke apart to bring some air back into your lungs.

Fez squeezed your hip, “don’t even worry about it, I’m fine doin’ whatever you wanna do.”

“Movie night?”

“Right up my alley, what you thinking?”

A slow smile split over your lips then as you met Fez’s lighter eyes and he already knew as the both of you echoed, “Studio Ghibli.”

That’s how the two of you ended up, backs against propped up festive pillows by the wall for cushion, spiderweb black fleece blanket tossed over your laps, laptop stand placed on a side table you dragged to the center of the room, debating on which out of the batch to watch. You were aware that, “Grave of the fireflies,” was Fez and Ash’s movie to watch together along with their own personal favorites on the side and you also had your own so you both tried to come to terms with another.

As the intro to, “Howl’s moving castle,” began you jumped up, pausing it and alerting a low-lidded fez immediately.

He couldn’t even get to ask what you were doing, as you jumped off the bed and crouched down underneath the bed, dragging something out beneath it to dig through before you stood back up with a huff.

“Here, take this!”

Fez took the material from you, confusion digging into his brows, “Issa white sheet.”

“Yeah, put it on.” You motioned with your hands while fez lightly shook his head at you.

You moved back to your roommate’s side of the room, flicking her candy corn lights on while fez questioned, “for why tho?”

“We’ve been missing out on doing coupley things this fall being away from each other so… maybe now I’ll be in the mood.”

“So what we are gonna be? Two snuggling ghosts?”

Thinking about it for a second with a tilt of your head, you nodded as you picked up the second sheet, “yeah, I guess so.”

You slip the sheet on first, your eyes and mouth picking out of the two holes Fez wasn’t aware were even cut into the sheets until he rolled the other sheet around, “Yo?! Where’d you go?”

Groaning you held out your arms towards fez who slid the sheet over himself as well. “Oh that’s better, now I can see your sexy ass again.”

Posing for him underneath the sheet, you laughed after awhile before sitting right next to him again, covering yourselves back with the spiderweb blanket before letting your hands disappear again.

“You comfy?” Fez asked.

“Much better now,” you replied tucking your head into Fez’s sheet covered shoulder, thankfully because that vibrant wool sweater surely would itch the mess out of your skin.

It’s happened before! You still loved your man down but it had to be said—or thought?

Silence filled the dorm until Fez cleared his throat, “now how we supposed to watch the movie when you done paused it and your hands vanished, Casper?”

“Watch and learn my powers Stretch,” kicking your foot out, you attempted to point your toe to tap on the space bar like the bow wow meme but the stand the laptop was on happened to be a little too close on the edge of the night table, slipping right off and onto its side on the carpet.

Fez snorted, “your ghost powers suck, bro.”

Ready to retort, three knocks at the door halted you in doing so as they sounded along with a brief pause before it became unlocked, revealing a Afro haired jasmine standing in the door way peeking through the open gaps of her fingers.

“…not what I was expecting but whatever floats your boat!”

“Listen, I know this maybe weird as hell right now but it’s just us.” Fez spoke while Jasmine shrugged her shoulders, heading to her wardrobe to peel her jacket off.

“Oh this is a complete no-judgement zone from me, believe that! You can ask how many times they found me in here doing weird shit of my own. Please don’t let me interrupt, carry on.” Jasmine answered, pressing her hands on her hips afterwards.

Fez nodded.

You blinked, “jas…can you do us a huge favor?”

She deeply exhaled, “Are you gonna kick me out now because you want to have sex with the ghost sheets on?”

Fez raised his brows at that…you could never say your roommate wasn’t upfront about anything.

“What? No. Could you pick up my laptop for me and press play for us, please? Movie night got a little delayed.”

Jasmine sighed with relief, “oh hell yeah. Thank god because I did not want to crash at Anita’s again, she’s been farting and sleep talking like crazy lately and I have to get up for work in the morning.”

She moves through the room, picking it up and balancing it in the center of the table top and winks at you two. She halts over the spacebar suddenly asking the ginger in the room, “so fez…what do you think of our humble abode?”

“It’s straight. Knew it would be with the whole warning on the front door.”

“Right answer! Next year I plan on sneaking animatronics in here and scaring the poop outta people as soon as they enter, regardless of what Ilian says, our cute ass RA.” Jasmine beams before hitting the spacebar, “I’m gonna head down to the showers and I’ll be back in a bit. Enjoy your movie night love—ghost birds? Yeah that sounds good. I’m gonna write that down and revisit that for my creative writing class.”

Both you and fez watch as jasmine closes her eyes briefly and turns a makeshift key to the side of her temple before grinning. Mumbling to herself she goes through the room collecting her things to exit, leaving the two of you alone again.

“…and she says we’re doing weird shit when she does things like that?” Fez pointed making you snicker.

“She’s just different, a true Aquarius. Real smart though. Let’s not judge her since she didn’t judge us in our ghost glory.” you told fez from underneath the sheet who lifted his shoulders in surrender.

He wasn’t, “I swear I’m not. I’m just a guest observing it all.”

“Not uh, you’re home with me.”

“Well shit, let me get out these pants then and get real comfortable!”

“Nobody wants to see those hairy chicken legs.”

“Whoa, stop the cap! We know as soon as the temp drops tonight you’re gonna be playing footsies with me to keep warm.”

He’s not wrong but Fez didn’t have to be so loud about it.

Sighing you placed your head back against fez’s shoulder and he moved to rest his right on yours. Together you turned your attention back to the movie playing on the laptop, enjoying each others company like you never left.

Fez suddenly murmurs from beside you, “I love you, scholar.”

Your response was instant hearing the teasing but heart felt nickname, “And I’ll love you even more tomorrow, lucky.”

⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾

Continue with my October anthology prompts here.

[gremlins-hotel]

Hii I've been stuck on this for awhile and figured maybe you'd have a better answer for this, I'm taking a college history class right now to test the vibes but I really want to do something in that general area, just don't know what. How did you decide what you wanted to do? And how long has it been? Also I love your art sm 😩😩😩🥺���💖💖💖

Hey there! What I'm going to include will be under a read more since it's longer than I expected, but know that this is a valuable question and I thank you for considering me to answer. Also a HYUGE thank you <3 though I do apologize for being slow on art.

My own journey has been a winding road to say the least, so don't fret if yours becomes that way. And do not be afraid to take your time. Try weird things you think you like or know you do and see if you can find the golden nuggets of opportunity in them. I had originally pursued animation because in my head art was the only skill I possessed, nothing more, and I didn't feel intelligent enough to pursue anything else. Yet all my best grades in my first years at university were in the classes I was taking as extracurriculars (history, anthropology), and trying to force myself to do art was killing my motivation to be creative in the first place. I had originally wanted to go to university for something in the natural sciences, history, or anthropology, but at the time I didn't think there was anything I could possibly use those degrees for and therefore didn't go after them despite being more interested in them. Apart from my own mental blocks. Three years of telling myself I was nothing better than a set of hands that could wield a pen and pencil just...kind of destroyed me. So I turned back to face my other love that I'd wanted to do beforehand but didn't think I could. It took a lot of internal searching and asking questions to more people than I can really count.

I admit I am currently taking a break from education. 2024 has not been my year, and I won't go into it further than that, but I know I'm not the only person feeling that way. As for anthropology, while I'd already enjoyed the study since I was younger, it was solidified for me through the classes I took. The way the information stuck so naturally in my head and that I could think on it in a way that subjects I disliked or struggled with did not. It was melding with me in a way I think I always knew it would, but was too afraid to let it, because I had already had the notion in my mind that was I was doing (animation at the time) was a disappointment. Both of my parents are in the medical field. I'm the complete opposite no matter which interest I pick. They knew that, too, and it made it difficult to get the gung-ho "do what you want" from either of them, though they tried their best. At least a science like anthropology they somewhat understood, which earned me good points. But the classes I was taking made me feel so much better. About my future, about my own knowledge, about my own worth. And I was loving every single thing I learned, all my professors, and my classmates, too. Anthropology, archaeology specifically, just works with my brain. Later on, going through my field school also solidified that for me. Getting to be hands-on in the field I was pursuing really made me realize how much of a fit it was for how I think, how I operate, and how I learn and teach others. Also? The friends I made there...you know when you finally get that feeling that you belong somewhere? That. It was that. I won't give that up because that's special and a thing I admittedly haven't had in a very long time. It merely feels right.

So take your time if you can, when you can, where you can. There's a lot along the way you may have looked over and miss, or new things to come. If that thing doesn't really grab you, then maybe it's not your thing thing. Try the weird classes you're unsure of but get the gut feeling for. If there's something that's making you want to claw your hair out, then don't force yourself to do it. It's terrifying, but sometimes the odd leap of faith is far more worth it than clinging to the unsteady ledge you live on. I'm also just an emotional and reactive person, so my method and my journey will of course be different from yours. My more tangible advice is this: Ask your professor(s) about why they like the subject matter or what they think of the study as a whole. Ask them about what they did to get into it, about opportunities, what the jobs are like and the community. If you dislike those answers, alright, whatever. If you like them enough to take that risk, then do it. That's what helped me decide to make that switch from animation to anthropology was asking those questions of the teachers I had in the subject I'd been doubting for years.

[wwillywonka]

wwillywonka's Interests

(links are in red)

-here is my super long, super detailed list of the things i blog about. if you read the whole thing, you're amazing and i love you. thanks<33 -a more comprehensive list of my interests can be found here. i update it often. -please for the love of god do yourself a favour and listen to blooms by arthur sharpe

Willy Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

special interest since 2014

read my ongoing willy character study fic here

my willy playlist

beside the original dahl books, the 2005 movie is the best and most superior version. i believe this with my whole body, mind, and soul and cannot be convinced otherwise.

other favorite versions of canon: gareth snook on the recent uk tour, gene wilder (of course). see gareth snook’s take on willy’s character here

i have consumed every single piece of wonka related media/content that is reasonably available to the public including horrible elementary school productions on youtube and random college theses. i consider myself the foremost expert about anything and everything regarding willy and can get defensive if that is challenged. i am also aware that i take this way too seriously considering willy is just a silly little fucked up guy who forever ruined my taste in men in my preteens. but i stand by my opinions.

i’ve also been writing a very self-indulgent willy x oc (ross able) fic for nearing 4 years now and have yet to publish it in any capacity. that being said, i tend to talk about it in tags for my own reference, so if you’re ever curious to know more, feel free to ask<3.

i do not support roald dahl, tim burton, or johnny depp in any way. their existences are entirely separate from my enjoyment of catcf. bigotry and prejudice are not tolerated on this blog.

i think the prequel is fine but unnecessary. it’s so whatever to me that i sometimes forget it exists.

i am literally charlie bucket (so obsessed with willy wonka that my parasocial need to be in a weird friendship with him is all-consuming and the only thing that keeps me going). if you ship any of the literal children ticket winners with willy, get off my blog.

willy is my specialist girl, a genius inventor evil capitalist, the blorbo i spin around in my brain 24/7 and want to put in a microwave, my wife, and also the absolute worst guy to ever do it. she is my everything. they’re just a sad gay twink. he’s even bigger than jesus.

Jesus Christ Superstar

the 1973 movie has been one of my favorites since childhood but i became obsessed after seeing the musical on stage in 2023.

yes i connect everything i liked about jcs back to willy and my other fav characters :)

things i write and blog about that are perfectly captured in jcs:

being mortal and being a god are not so different

the line between godhood and celebrityhood being more blurred the further society progresses. both are corruption

toxic, all-consuming co-dependency

sacrificing everything that makes one human for the sake of the “greater good”; becoming unrecognisable, becoming a monster (metaphorically and/or literally)

faith in something that ultimately betrays

being gay and being supppeerr dramatic about it

Alice in Wonderland

i love all versions but have a soft spot for the 2010 movie

fav character: the mad hatter/tarrant hightopp

the 2009 miniseries is weirdly good

alice in wonderland is a war story. to me.

i feel similarly about alice through the looking glass 2016 as i do about wonka 2023

once again, i’ve been writing a fic based off the 2010 movie for years but have yet to publish any part of it. one day, i promise.

Loki

my love for loki started in 2012 when i saw the first avengers movie in theaters but has since grown into a love of norse mythology and its extended history and lore. loki by mevlin burgess is one of my favorite books and is, in my opinion, the best portrayal of the character in recent years. neil gaiman’s norse mythology is also great.

i love tom hiddleston so so so so much<33. he is a phenomenal actor and also a really nice man and deserves so much more recognition than just being “that hot guy who played that villain in marvel.” i recently had the pleasure of sitting in the audience for an interview he did and it was the best day of my entire life. only lovers left alive is one of my favorite movies.

i hate the disney+ show except for the literal last 20 minutes of the last episode which gave me everything i’ve ever wanted out of a loki story.

i used to be really, really, really, extremely into marvel but pretty much stopped caring after endgame (which i feel is the case for a lot of people). that being said, i still love tony stark and spider-man, particularly the toby mcguire movies (cough cough…alfred molina as doc ock <3333).

Star Trek

obsessed with tos and tng, particularly the movies (undiscovered country is my fav!). huge fan of picard. don't really care about the aos movies or a lot of the newer series. i'm also currently watching voyager (janeway is insane i love her).

spent a lot of my nerd life not understanding the appeal until i started watching tng in april 2023 and swiftly became Aware of why it's one of the most famous franchises of all time. also as someone who's super interested in fandom history, particularly queer fandom history, i don't know why i didn't get into trek sooner.

spock is my fav character because he is literally me. i am always crying over him. no one understands spock like i do (<- is exaggerating knowing he is one of the most famous characters in all of pop culture history). we are both mixed race and jewish. we are both autistic and queer. there is literally no other character whose mixed identity is portrayed so well and as such a significant aspect of their story, and i (along with so many others) see so many of the internal conflicts he deals with in myself, particularly when it comes to his relationship with his parents.

sarek's biggest hater. like bestie, YOU married the human.

data is my second fav. mccoy is a close third. picard is a very close fourth. unification pt 1&2 are my fav trek episodes!!!

huge spirk/spones/mcspirk shipper. because duh.

Doctor Who

my favorite show since 2012

fav doctor: capaldi

fav companions/other characters: donna, river, missy/the master. and yes, the tardis

fav episode: heaven sent

murray gold invented music and is everything i aspire to be as a composer

please no moffat discourse i will block you

that being said, chibnall ruined doctor who. jodie whittaker deserved so much better and i do not blame her, an amazing actress, for the horrible writing she had to work with.

currently working my way through classic who and the eu

Other Notable Favorites

Nightmare Before Christmas

Danny Elfman/Oingo Boingo

The Mighty Boosh/Noel Fielding/BritCom

Flowers/Will Sharpe Films

Good Omens

Frankenstein

Shakespeare

Dan and Phil

Adventure Time

Wes Anderson Films

The Beatles

The Picture of Dorian Gray/Oscar Wilde

The Adventure Zone/The McElroys

AURORA

Other Things I Blog About

Robots & cyborgs, dolls

Body segmentation/body horror

Fashion/Fiber Arts

Nostalgia

Clowns

Nature

thanks if you read this far xoxo

[narbevoguel]

Hello guys. It's been a while since I made a post like this, but today I wanted to talk about my art. I haven't posted something proper in forever, and to say I haven't spent this entire time at least doodling a thing or two would be a lie, but there's a reason why I haven't been posting much and just keeping my art semi private, or multiple, let me explain (I'll have a TLDR at the end if you don't wanna bother with this, but written awfully):

First, I believe you guys deserve more than some stupid sketches. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sketching, aesthetic aside, drawing multiple sketches a day is how I pushed myself to experiment new things and just get better overall, plus I draw them fast, so I could pull a bunch of sketches in the time it takes me to color just one, so I could spill one silly idea after the other. I don't know why or exactly when I started to feel like this is just not worth it for you guys, that you deserve more from me than what I put out, that maybe I disappoint you immensely. This isn't even about reach, I don't care about that, this is about me showing something worth to see.

Second, is how I chose to spend my time. Last year was a very busy year for me overall, my job became increasingly demanding at times, lotsa personal issues that stressed me out immensely, which resulted in me using my remaining free time doing other activities, including spending time with people I shouldn't have been so permissive with (except my gang, that's why I made it a New Year's Resolution to annoy you guys more, you know who you are), it became a thing where I was even afraid to say no to them in favor of my art or other me-activities in fear of them taking it the wrong way, which, in a weird way, ended up happening anyway and resulted in long term passive aggressive conflict, and well, all of this negativity and then some, especially combined, made me reluctant to pick my pen up most of the time, which leads me to my next point.

Third, not drawing as often made me lose my momentum considerably. I could draw stuff comfortably without much artblock, if at all, or something I thought looked ugly. It just came out naturally, sometimes without even using references, it was crazy, but I feel I lost that momentum; don't get me wrong, I don't think my art looks worse than before, far from it, I did a comparison a couple of days ago and I noticed that despite all these issues, I have indeed improved a lot, thing is, I still feel it doesn't look good, I can't seem to know where I want to go with it, or what I want it to look like, I have no idea how to describe this feeling of "I hate immensely what I've been doing", maybe I'm beating myself up too hard and this is a result of not sharing anything with you guys, but I want to be comfortable with the characters I always draw before I bring them out again (although for some reason Purah's perfection always makes my doodling easier, she has become my ultimate comfort character it seems, hah).

All that said, I want to change things this time. I'm not sure if I'll post more like I did before, or if I'll post less than I used to, but I want to post things again. Maybe won't start soon, but will definitely do it. I've even been stocking up on traditional materials to pick the pen back up in other ways as well (haven't done this since my college days, so I'm a bit excited), I don't want to make promises I can't keep (you guys know I'm terrible with keeping up with stuff lol), but I will try my hardest to post more finished pictures and less sketches. It might result in me posting less art and/or jokes as before, but we'll see where that leads me. I'm still not sure if I'll continue to keep the sketches to myself or not, but one step at a time, step one is to just stop beating myself up, turns out my negativity knows how to throw hands. If you read ALL to this point, my most sincere thanks, I know it isn't easy to put up with my crap, and if you didn't it's fine, I still love you, in fact, I'll sum it up for you below.

TLDR: I'm a stupid piece of crap that didn't know how to manage my free time which resulted in me developing a very serious case of imposter syndrome and I'm throwing hands back in hopes, no, in expectancy of walking out of it a victor, for my sake, and for you guys as well.

Anyway, thanks for reading, short or long version, and remember, a Purah a day, keeps uh, the heart happy and brain mushy, or something like that.

[nefelegies]

sry if you’ve answered this question before but will you ever continue your neocities comic ? :3 I whole heartedly love it ever since I discovered it a year or two ago

no don't worry i haven't! putting a cut because this is an extremely long and non simple answer read at your own peril

the reason the comic went on hiatus to begin with is actually that i was starting to feel really weird about the high school setting??? this may sound stupid but shinji was a character i first created when i was 16 and given that i'm now 21 it was just no longer a type of story i related to much or felt compelled to tell. especially now, almost 2 years into the hiatus, i am almost done with my undergraduate education as well, so it becomes harder and harder for me to bridge the gap in my writing. i also feel like the maturity of certain themes i wanted to write about are ill suited to the setting.

additionally, after taking a few months break from writing during a period of time when i was very very unhappy with all my work, i kind of exploded shinji as a character and changed a fair amount of his personality & character motivations. i felt like the way i used to conceptualize him was kind of juvenile compared to how i wanted him to come off, and i felt like i was not setting myself up to do a good job with his personality. if i was to pick the comic back up as it currently stands, not only would i have to contrive in a time skip to get to where i want (that being the characters in college) which would really mess with my previously established pacing and how the events are meant to build (because if the action is supposed to escalate over a few months, why even include all the buildup from 3 years before? just feels like a false start), but i would also have to mess with the tone and stylization of dialogue and how shinji is portrayed in a way that would, again, make the beginning of the comic pointless (imo) because it wouldn't contribute or relate at all to the meat of the story.

another sticking point i have had in restarting has been a kind of silly one-- i have not lived for any significant period of time in japan, despite visiting the university in sapporo, so i feel like i know woefully little about the life of a university student in japan and what that looks like day to day, which would seriously get in the way of a simply aged-up reboot. to the extent that i wasn't sure what the point of keeping it set in japan would even be. like what am i making a commentary on if i'm writing about a college culture i know nothing about? i feel like i would much rather satirize or criticize the college culture in the united states, since that's where i'm studying. also:: the highschool setting was originally meant as a satire on wish fulfillment slice of life manga (including american wannabe webtoons) that is needlessly set in highschool, but in one of those "satire requires clarity of purpose" type crises, i think i felt like i was moreso parroting tropes than saying anything meaningful about them, and the character of shinji was undeniably created out of 16 year old weebery and the fact that i was studying japanese in school and wanted to practice my kanji on people's names 😭.... so i guess to sum THIS point up, the idea of a continuation or reboot puts me in a weird place with regards to setting, as i don't see the value of me writing about a university experience im not familiar with and don't have much way of ever knowing intimately. even though i could definitely still use the lens of general anime escapism and wish fulfillment when writing about a college student, i just don't really know if it's my place at all to be criticizing this phenomenon as someone who doesn't live in japan if that makes sense. like at that point why am i not just writing about american twitter users with hentai addictions who i have much more close and personal interactions with

finally, and this is not so much a major factor in my thoughts here (somehow) but is worth mentioning: the comic was primarily written during some extremely stressful months-years of my life, and i honestly struggle to get in whatever the hell headspace i was in when i was writing it. like what was going on in my brain. a lot for sure

that being said, i really miss writing osk. having a project like that to work on was really nice! i miss the characters (especially the revamped older versions that no one has actually gotten to experience :( ) and i miss how much it forced me to create. i have not stopped thinking about it at any point since i went on hiatus to be honest and i'm just really stuck on where to go. i cant continue it in its current form (i would be unhappy with it) but i can't think of a good way forward either, and even if i restart it completely (which is POSSIBLE and maybe even the most likely option) i really can't figure out how to tackle the setting.

this is probably not the answer you were expecting i am very sorry it is so long. i just have been stewing on it for a while and really wanted to get it all down in one place

[rhannettejoy]

"The Fated Vestiges"

Chapter 1: Job

"Selene, hurry up! We're going to be late!" my friend Mae called out.

I’m in my second year of college, but I've been trying to find work as an artist, anything that involves drawing. Mae and I have been going back and forth applying to various publishing companies. Ever since high school, there’s been one particular publishing company I dreamed of working for, and today might finally be the day. As I looked up at the tall building in front of us, I was awestruck by its beauty. If it’s this impressive from the outside, what must it be like inside? I couldn’t contain my excitement.

"This is it! Out of all the companies we've applied to, I really hope this one takes us," I said with a mix of hope and determination.

"Let's go! I'm more excited for you than for myself," Mae laughed, pulling me inside.

The application process was much slower than at other companies. We submitted all our requirements, and they asked us plenty of questions—as if we were already hired. Although I felt nervous, I also couldn’t help feeling optimistic.

“I’d bet my life just to get in here!” I joked, making Mae laugh.

“You're just starving! Let’s grab something to eat; look at the time!” Mae suggested, and I agreed immediately since I was starving.

Chapter 2: Resemblance

While waiting for our food, I checked my phone to see if my idol, Aiden, a famous writer, had posted any updates. I was disappointed to see none. His stories have become my comfort and inspiration; some of my artworks are even based on his stories.

"Your idol is trending on Twitter!" Mae announced, shocking me.

"Why? Did they finally discover our secret relationship?" I teased.

"Crazy! But seriously, there’s a famous artwork circulating online that looks exactly like Aiden!" Mae said, scrolling through her phone.

I wanted to brush it off as a prank, but what Mae said next caught my attention.

“I might be hallucinating, but the girl in the artwork looks just like you!” Mae exclaimed, showing me her phone. I didn’t want to believe her, but looking at the photo felt like staring into a mirror.

"Did you make this?" she asked, suspiciously.

"What? I’ve never drawn myself with Aiden in one frame. I tried sketching his face once, but I stopped because I couldn’t do it justice," I said earnestly.

"Then who is this girl? She really looks like you! This is so weird." Mae couldn’t take her eyes off the screen.

Chapter 3: Letters

I tried to ignore the situation, but more and more artwork featuring Aiden and the girl resembling me kept surfacing online. Even stranger, some of the artworks included love letters on the back.

"Why did Solana leave?" I muttered to myself. Scrolling through the comments, I saw many people condemning Solana, saying she didn’t deserve Apollo. But I disagreed. I felt compelled to write a post, defending Solana, saying maybe she had her reasons.

“Selene! Wake up!” Mae shook me awake.

“What? What are you doing here?” I mumbled, still half-asleep.

“You’re famous! Check your social media!” she said excitedly.

Skeptical, I opened my phone, expecting another prank. But to my shock, my notifications were exploding.

“Why are they tagging me with my idol? Do they think I’d be a good match for Aiden?” I asked, amused.

“You’re being crazy again! They’re tagging you because you and Aiden look just like an old painting found near Intramuros!” Mae explained.

Chapter 4: Last

I was about to brush it off when I saw a new post—a love letter from Apollo written on the back of a painting of him and Solana.

The letter left me speechless. How could Solana abandon Apollo without a word? Driven by curiosity, I decided to go to Intramuros. Rumor had it that Solana’s final letter to Apollo was hidden there.

“I’m so tired,” I sighed, sitting under a tree after three hours of searching. While resting, I found a letter. It was Apollo’s last message to Solana.

Reading this letter, I finally understood Apollo and Solana’s tragic love story. Yet, I felt an inexplicable sadness and heartbreak as if their story was mine.

Chapter 5: Fate

I was busy scrolling through social media, looking for any updates about whether they'd found a letter from Solana, when my phone rang. I answered it immediately, seeing it was the publishing company I’d been hoping to join.

"Good day, is this Ms. Selene? We just wanted to inform you that you’ve been hired to become part of our publishing company. Please make sure to come in tomorrow. We look forward to working with you," the woman on the phone said.

"Thank you so much! I’m really looking forward to working with all of you!" I replied sincerely.

I’m finally hired! I’ll be closer to my idol! There’s a real possibility of working with him since we’re in the same company. I’ll do my best to get assigned to his newest book for the cover design.

Everything went well, and I got busy balancing school and work. The best part is that I’m with Mae; we’re always together, even on the same team. I almost bowed to thank God when Aiden’s book was assigned to us. Miracles do happen!

"You look familiar," a man’s voice said.

I was startled, busy tying my shoelaces, and looked up to see it was Aiden—the one and only Aiden! He looked unreal in person! I wished I could see him every day. This was a blessing!

"Hi! I’m Selene, your number one fan since your first story!" I mustered up the courage to introduce myself and extended my hand. I couldn’t miss this chance.

"Oh, thank you… Solana," he said, looking at my face intently, making me self-conscious. Did I have something on my face? But wait—did he just call me Solana?

"It’s Selene," I said shyly.

"Sorry! You just look exactly like Solana," Aiden replied. "But, again, thank you for your support, Selene."

I wanted to ask him more about Solana because it seemed like he knew something, but my boss called me, so I had to leave despite wanting to talk to him more. He really looked like a character from a book, and the rumors were true—he did look like Apollo, Solana’s lover.

It was a regular day at lunchtime, though Mae wasn’t with me because she was sick, so I was eating alone. I thought it would be a quiet lunch until…

"Hey, Sel! Can I join you?" My idol—Aiden—asked.

"Of course!" I answered.

I thought it might be awkward, but we ended up talking about his books, his inspiration for writing, hobbies, and even Apollo and Solana’s love story. People kept saying we looked exactly like them. Talking with him felt natural, as if I’d known him for a long time. Everything about him felt familiar, even his presence.

Is reincarnation really possible?

Aiden and I grew close quickly; it was like we’d clicked right from the start, and everything felt so comfortable. I started drafting his stories, and it felt right, like we’d been doing this forever.

"I finally found you," Aiden suddenly said one day while we were working.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked, looking at him expectantly. But he didn’t answer; he just smiled at me.

Everything was going well. Aiden became my suitor, and on the 18th day, I said yes because it didn’t need to be long—I’d already loved him long before he knew me or before we even met.

Chapter 6: History

I thought things would stay happy, but then I received a message from my father. He wanted me to quit my job and study abroad to become a lawyer. To him, being an artist was meaningless, and now that he knew I was following my dream and in a relationship with a writer, he intervened. He didn’t want me with Aiden, thinking he was the reason I didn’t pursue law school.

"Law school was never my dream! Becoming a famous artist is my only dream!" I said, unable to hold back my feelings.

"How dare you speak to me like that! Your mother needs you—she’s dying, while you’re here, lying to us about law school and being happy! How could you?! You ungrateful child! Worthless!" he yelled, furious, and I was shocked by his words.

"Mom…" I said weakly.

"You heard me right! So pack all your things—we’re leaving the country today," he ordered.

I couldn’t think straight. I felt numb, barely able to function. I just did as he said, moving like a robot. My mind was still reeling. I thought Mom was doing fine—how could she be suffering? How did I not know about this? Am I a terrible daughter?

“Selene, make it fast!” my father’s voice broke through my thoughts as he urged me to board the plane. We were moving abroad, as he wanted me to pursue law—a path I never wanted. But as I stood there, I couldn’t ignore the familiar feeling in my chest, like an echo from the past.

“Would you leave me again?” Aiden’s voice suddenly pulled me back to reality. He was there, looking at me.

“I don’t want to, but I have to,” I said, helplessly.

“So history really does repeat itself,” he murmured, handing me an envelope before my father dragged me away.

Chapter 7: Destiny

On the plane, I opened Aiden’s letter:

I felt tears slip down my face. Had Solana and Apollo’s story become mine?

My father’s voice jolted me from my thoughts, but I made a decision. I would not be the Solana of my own story, leaving my Apollo behind. I will not let history repeat itself. I don't want to be the Sol in everyone's life without being the sunlight for the person I truly love, because how can I be a sunshine when I'm not even genuinely happy? Maybe Apollo and Solana were not meant to be together in their lifetime, but after 18 years, just like a solar eclipse, Aiden and I have collided. I will leave the past where it belongs and let the moon and sun could, at last, shine together, even if it’s just for this lifetime.

Written by: Rhannette Joy Tolentino.

[spookfished]

media roundup march-jul

this is my review backlog from when i was like getting ground into the ground working at a summercamp lol. ..if my thoughts are really short i probably just wrote it

NOTE FROM WHEN I STARTED THIS IN LIKE JULY: hey guys whats up! i was like "during spring break im going to read so much!" then i had to 'apply' for 'jobs' :( also i was playing so many games (not umineko though. sorry rokkenjima-ers). then like 5 months passed! woops. now i am a college graduate and unemployed 👍so now i have plenty of time to do things like this lol. making a post for these and then for everything in august. skipping the music section also bc i dont feel like it. some things really worth spotlighting were small victories, wrath goddess sing, and honk for jesus.

books:

what feasts at night by t kingfisher: horror novella (?) about a scary house and an ex-soldier. i liked reading ursula vernons reading as always, but this was a bit too short for me to really get a feeling for anything… it also didnt have the same visceral horror as their previous book (what moves the dead) so i was a bit disappointed :(

cathay by ezra pound: a book of tang dynasty poetry translated by notable contemporary poet (and infamous fascist) ezra pound. ts eliot once said that cathay "invented" chinese poetry in the mind of the western reader, which is weird bc he didnt speak a lick of chinese at the time. umm tldr i didnt like this book but i did write 750 words of review including a translation of my own (NOTE FROM TODAY IN OCTOBER: I WROTE THIS LONG ENOUGH AGO FOR CLASS THAT ITS ACTUALLY KINDA EMARRASSING NOW SO PLS BE NICE) if youre interested in that kind of thing lol

wrath goddess sing by maya deane: retelling of achilles where she is a trans woman. dathomira's review of this book can speak more for it than i ever could (and also its been a couple months..) but i really really enjoyed this book. go check it out!

a clear and muddy loss of love by please don't laugh: f/f webnovel. qiyan agula, female prince of the grass plains, has sworn her revenge on the nangong emperor after his reign killed her family and annexed her country. she ends up engaged to the emperor's daughter, nangong jingnu--but their bond makes it harder and harder for qiyan to enact her promised vengance. vibes wise, its kinda like baru cormorant but tilted way farther towards romance than political intrigue. i really loved this!! the way their relationship grows together…. qiyans gender fuckery…. the length of a webnovel really lets you sink into jingnus character development--its such a turnaround that i think it would be hard to do somewhere else. yay i love baihe

year of rice and salt by kim stanley robinson: what if instead of 30% of europe dying from the black plague, 99% of europe died? how would that shape the centuries to come? also, buddhism is here. this book is really well done and really well researched. the audiobook is reaaally good to listen to while travelling--the narrator, uh, doesnt pronounce everything the best but has this really velvety voice that i loved. i had a good time listening to this while driving cross-country (i only did a little of the driving lol) but fell off a little bit after that. also, if anyone knows any books that are more just like the first part let me know!

videogames:

ultrakill: YEAHHH ULTRAKILL HELL IS FULL BLOOD IS FUEL ETC. ok if youre involved in like the trans indie gaming community at all, youve probably? at least heard a teeny bit about ultrakill, which is a fast-paced mega-violent retro FPS about being a robot descending throug hell and KILLING!! i was really unsure about if id like this personally (jumpy, didnt like ovewatch or most fps ive played) but like. dude. ive sunk so many hours into ultrakill this month. im literally on the last layer rn (the game is currently in early access, but theres plenty to do). people call this game overwhelming, but i guess ive felt that since its a single player game its way Less overwhelming than something like um, ovewatch again lol. ultrakill's blood-to-heal mechanic encourages the player to get close and dirty, and there are tons of mechanics that sound as cool as they feel--punching bullets back at the enemy, ricocheting coins into weak points, etc. also gabriel is here!!! i like him a lot :3 theres a free demo here if it seems like its up your alley

yakuza 0: a brawler game set in glitzy 80's japan, following kazuma kiryus rise to power within the yakuza--at least i think thats whats going on? after all, hes the protagonist of like 5 other games also called "yakuza." this game glories in violence and materialism (you use money instead of xp to upgrade your abilities) and it has a gritty story full of sad-eyed men smoking, backstabbing, and losing everything. yakuzas one of those series that kinda hangs around in the background with a couple people Absolutely Obsessed with it, so its nice to see it live up to the hype. im only on chapter 3 (out of 16?) so far, but im really enjoying it :3 of course, yakuza is famous for having lots of minigames but ive only sampled a couple of them so i dont feel like i can really comment on that yet. some of the cutscenes are kinda long but the voice acting is really good…. i usually do stuff like make my bed or fold laundry while im watching lol. id recommend it so far :3

neon white: scratches the ultrakill speedrunning itch but if the only part of ultrakill was speedrunning and the gritty visual element was replaced by like, smooth apple-style celestial gloss (theres no ground pound even!). in ultrakill you get a beautiful array of tools (guns) to solve the same problem (killing a guy) in multiple ways but with neon white theres essentially one perfectly bite sized (most missions are 30 seconds or less) solution and you just have to get as close to it as you can. brought down of course by the extremely corny writing and voice acting, which at least has the decency to be sincere--it grew on me, but not by much. having cutscenes interrupt the mission sets was also deeply frustrating. IT FUCKS THE FLOW, MAN. anyways still a really really good game with an amazing soundtrack that i would recommend for any first person platform likers or speedrunners

rabbit and steel: just a really fun mmo-type (GCD-based) game! for like, wow/ffxiv raiders who wish those games had fewer cutscenes to sit through haha or potential raiders who dont want to put together a static…

ghost trick: afaik, shu takumi's only standalone mystery game. a ghost detective investigates the mystery behind his death by possessing objects and tricking on them, ghost style. um the ghost trick fandom is very strident about playing spoilerless, and i do think that was definitely good! some of the twists here are pretty crazy. but, like, i think that insistence made me think that ghost trick was going to be "lifechangingly good" instead of just "very good" -- which it is! the puzzles are very clever and fun and the writing is, of course, really funny, charming, and heartfelt. but i couldnt help but be just a little bit disappointed? still a good game though.

balatro: poker game where all the rules are malleable--for the right price. dude balatro made it so much harder for me to pass my finals. really good game if u are a numbers type of person (or maybe really bad) i think i would have sunk a LOT more time into this if pikmin hadnt come around

tv/movies:

dear ex (rewatch): i already talked about this on one of my [other posts] but rewatching it was good :3 i cried again

brave bang bravern: bravern is like… a pastiche of the mecha genre? that mixes like, gritty war mecha shows with fluffy sentai-like shows that ultimately ends up having a lot of heart and sincerity. and also gay people?? idk i really liked it but i think u kinda have to be mecha-pilled at least a little bit already for sure

shogun: woops i forgot to finish watching this. well its a drama about this british sailor who shipwrecks on japan in the middle of a power grab (by tokugawa) really fun! unfortunately i frequently do not have the attention span for hour long episodes unless someone makes me do it

honk for jesus: drama? about the wife of a megachurch pastor who is trying to stage his big return. about what she gets from staying with him, what she endures and what she inflicts on others as a result. (also, image!) really interesting to watch as someone who knows very little about megachurches, with some fantastic acting

life is short girl walk on: sort of an anti-romcom? about one girls wild night out. soo so so pretty it really captures when youre like out really late with your more adventurous friends and youre like wow literally anything could happen rn. definitely worth a watch 👍

challengers: bro all the filmheads saw challengers its the tennis threesome movie. its really good enough said

i saw the tv glow: i watched this movie on a shitty tv interrupted by gambling ads like three times and it still ripped my dick off. man. not a lot to say about this one bc i already talked about it a bunch with other people but i think everyone should watch it

marcel the shell with shoes on: slice of life movie about, well, a living shell. with shoes on. actually really really good?? i was so surprised (the trailer is like accurate but at the same time makes it seem kinda hallmark twee) and like it is a little bit cutesy but not in a way that diminishes the movie itself or its messaging.. i think it being pretty offbeat and also the internet elements (?) also helped balance this. has the pikmin element of "wow being small really helps you to marvel at the world's beauty in a new way" while also being about connection and grief.

the bad guys: animal heist movie. its pretty good even if i don't like akwafina very much at all. fun and soothingly predictable with nice art

podcasts:

small victories: small victories is a slice of life/drama podcast about marisol, a recovering drug addict trying to put her life back together--and it's really going to happen this time, for sure! marisol has such a clear and engaging voice (and her voice actor is so great!) that you can't help but root for her no matter what, even when she messes up horrendously. it made me go like this o_o 🫢 alone in my room like i was eavesdropping on a breaking up couple at a party

thanks for reading if you did! or even if you didnt? anyways this has been stewing in my notes for multiple months. be free

[bejuledjules17]

I’m feeling at a loss.

If I stand up for myself, I’m an asshole. If I don’t say anything, I’m a doormat. It feels like many people don’t like me, for what seems like no reason. I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Or why I even care so much about other people’s view of me. Why do I need to be liked so much? Or maybe, why do I want to be liked? To quote Halsey, “why do you need love so badly?”

I don’t even want to be like this. I want to not care. How do people even do that? I’ve been working at this for over 30 years. I’m exhausted. I want to recluse. But I want to be included in things too. I don’t have any close friends anymore. I’ve moved too much. I’ve finally settled down in where I want to live & stay. Ever since the pandemic started, it’s been even harder to make friends.

I’ve only had three best friends in my life. All in different states. One in high school, one in college & one right before COVID started. Only one of them is in the current state I live in, and unfortunately I had to end things with her. I can be the bestest friend ever, do anything for that person, be there whenever. It’s been so hard to find someone willing to do the same for me. I’m constantly giving my all to others and getting breadcrumbs in return. I even tried to meet friends thru BumbleBFF. I met someone who I thought was great, but as soon as I started to pull away to see if they’d reach out; they never did. We were literally texting novels to each other for months. Getting into the deep stuff, what we were looking for in a friend among other things. We finally met up after months of texting & snapchatting. And honestly it was great! We were back to texting everyday after that. Over the next several of months I asked her to hang out at least 5 times. We only made solid plans one of those times and then she cancelled on me at the VERY last minute and never rescheduled. Which is why I gave up in the first place.

Thankfully, I’ve found my partner, the love of my life. We got married last week. Truly, he’s someone who treats me like a queen. I am so so so happy with that part of my life, but why am I so unhappy with other parts? Why can’t I just be happy, content even? My husband is amazing, but he’s also very introverted. He doesn’t really talk much to others except for me. Which is really special in some ways. He can’t always give me what I need in the sense of going out, being social. I don’t necessarily want to do these things all the time, but I do every one in a while.

Oh and my job. My job has me in a weird position. My business is solely based on me, my skills & my personality. My job is great for my personality type. I talk a lot, which helps distract my clients from the pain of getting waxed. I feel that I have gained so many friendships through my work, but it’s surface level. I’ve hung out with a few of them outside of my work and that’s been great. But I also don’t want to overstep. I still need to be a professional. I thought my coworkers would be a safe bet since we have similar personalities & stuff in common. Boy was I wrong. Every thing I’ve done has gone down in flames. Scorching hot flames. I hosted a clothing swap that literally no one showed up to. Went to FL for a hair show to hopefully bond with the other ladies that were going; I felt so isolated & ended up in tears.

Like, am I annoying? Is that what this is? It feels like people avoid me like the plague. Like they’ve all had this secret meeting to warn the others about me. Yet, I know my clients love me. & I’ve had some great friendships in the past. So I don’t know where the disconnect is.

Anyways, all the questions are rhetorical & I just needed to vent. Ty if you read this 🩷

[starry200156]

I feel like I should come clean with this post because I feel guilty for not posting on here as much as I would like. When I first came to Tumblr I was a teenager and just starting out in the anime community and I have loved all my time here on this platform. I have been about to interact with wonderful people. I love writing my one-shots and fan fictions for all of you to see. I never thought I would be to do that. I’ve been away for so long from posting at least and I do feel bad.

So what happened to me?

I believe if I’m correct I join Tumblr around 2015-2016 I don’t know they exact date. I wouldn’t start posting until like 2016-2017. When I was posting I was in high school and had a lot more time on my hands and it was before I started working and going to college is when things changed for me. On July 10, 2018 my grandma who I was extremely close to passed away after lover 10 years of fighting her lung disease that killed her. She was my best friend and taught me a lot about myself and always encouraged me. Her death literally destroyed me and I fell into a really bad and deep depression. My depression would continue to worsen and made not want to do anything at all. So I still tried to post back then thinking it would make me feel better but it didn’t. I’m open talk about my grandma because it’s been 5 years since her passing which is crazy to think. I miss her everyday!

This next thing I want to talk about it’s something that is exactly easy for me but I want to be transparent about the subject. My dad abused me when I was a kid maybe even now since I still live with my parents. He ever physically hurts or sexually but he has emotionally, mentally, and verbally has abused me. It’s really weird to talk about this to people. My father is a narcissist used it to abuse my mom and her kids including me. I grew up with a lot of fighting and things being broken and slammed. There is just this constant chaos in my house. The only I had to get away from it was seeing my grandma and now I don’t. When I was younger I didn’t realize my abuse was happening to me until I was about 18-19, I’m 22 now. I didn’t want speaking up about it or standing up to my dad until I was I was in my 20s and it’s hard. I think there is people don’t tell you about standing up to your abuser is that everyone in your life will make you look like a villain I’ve been dealing with that lately. I easily became the problem child. I’ve literally come the black sheep of the family. I’ve gotten to the point of where I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of being treated so horribly and then blame for things I can’t control. I’ve dealt this really bad depression because of but almost a year ago I met some people who are really incredible that makes things better! Don’t worry guys I won’t be planning on with my parents for much longer.

Thank you my loves! I don’t know if anyone is going to read this or cares to. I’m back and excited to be. I want to reconnect with everyone!

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

10 May 2023 Wednesday 2:39 am pt

Adam Noah Levine is a pig 🐷. He tried to take my left big toe from me minutes ago. 2:40 am pt I told him to leave us alone if he isn’t going to cut off my head. He has been unrelentingly cruel for the past 6 years. My life has been a socially desolated one. Even in high school 🏫 a lot of people seemed to be afraid 😱 to look at me and I didn’t know god demon lord of demon angels (child rapists) was making them afraid to interact with me. A lot of times I was ignored in high school 🏫. I almost felt invisible at times if I ever stood in a random circle ⭕️. It’s weird if I see people respond to me. I’m not used to getting attention. It’s as if I’m finally not a ghost 👻 anymore. 2:45 am pt

2:46 am pt freshman year my English teacher yelled at me calling me stupid infront of the whole class Bcz I didn’t stand behind the wall and then appear from behind curtain? Something about Juliet balcony scene. 2:48!am pt I never complained to anyone but soon after that a student teacher came and replaced him for an internship (acid throat mouth pain 2:48 am pt). I didn’t think 💭 it had anything to do with me until recently. Also same with my art teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 after he told me I did “A” grade quality work but Bcz I turned it in late I got a “B.” Incubus messed with all my drawings that I spent so many days on carefully drawing from feelings and still life things. He ruined all my artwork 🖼 to fit a new narrative of my life. I don’t know what that narrative is. Every time he replaced something edited the only word he would mention: “death.” No explanations. Photographs of us: “death.” When I thought of moving to New York to be closer to my sister in 2013: “death.” He made me afraid to move to be closer to her. I thought 💭 that I would be happier closer to her (right butt cheek pain) 2:54 am pt. Everyday I lived with anxiety. I was shy and quiet and often looked over/ignored in school 🏫 by most people. I made some mistakes that I questioned sometimes why I did that. 2:56 am pt I somehow did so much school 🏫 work in middle school 🏫 that I got honor guard (honor roll almost every quarter). In elementary school 🏫 I did have comprehension problems. The books 📚 weren’t big for science 🧬 in middle school 🏫 but sometimes I had concentration problems and difficulties answering questions that I needed to take the book 📚 home 🏠 which the teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 discouraged us from doing. It was weird that we could not normally/usually take books 📚 home 🏠. We were expected to do book 📖 reading and answering questions in class. I once cried Bcz he questioned my intentions. I needed more time. 7th grade math 🧮 science 🧬 teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 took me outside to talk to me and I cried. 3:02 pmpt I think 💭 my home 🏠 life often consisted of more homework 📚 time than most other students. I think 💭 god intended my life to be mostly lonely and planned to lie to me now using Adam Noah Levine and incubus.3:03 am pt

3:04 am pt in kindergarten the demon angel told me I couldn’t have what my sister had. I thought 💭 he meant boyfriend at the time. But I guess he meant an entirely happy complete social life. He meant for me to be close to desolated my whole life. 3:06 am pt so my sister got to go out to people’s houses 🏘 and parties 🎉 and have friends and boyfriends one after the other continuously and I would struggle. I guess that is where autism is (right foot 🦶 pain 😖😭3:07 am pt) useful to him. He made me easily get frustrated upset with all sorts of tools 🧰 including making my mom hate me and irritated with me from a young age, since probably a baby 👶 she said she held me once during cooking 🧑‍🍳 and I almost kicked the pot of water. It’s like the devil 👿 liked to make life difficult for us living in the dormitory of the college in Menlo Park. I was cursed my whole life. 3:10 am pt

3:12 am pt there were a lot of times I stayed home and my excuse was homework 📚, while my mom and sister went out. Sometimes or every time I screwed around for a while Bcz of an inability to concentrate (acid left nostril 👃 pain 3:14 am pdt)) comprehend, I was extremely slow when it came to textbooks 📚 I was cursed. I was also a perfectionist and a procrastinator. 3:15!am pt all tools 🧰 to desolate me. 3:15 am pt

3:39 am pt I vomited 🤮 a little liquid I drank I think hours ago something that should have only took 5 minutes to digest. 😖😭

everytime my mom went out with my sister she would say to me “it doesn’t have to be perfect.” But I think 💭 I had a difficult time with doing anything at all. 3:42 am pt incubus told me he hates me. Again. Not the first time. He really means it. I always tried to squeeze myself into a seat 💺 trying not to take too much space anywhere I sat. For years. Holding my legs and feet and hands close to my body. 3:44 am pt. I think 💭 he hates my personality. 3:45 am pt most friendships didn’t last very long. 3:46 am pt I guess I was annoying in high school 🏫. 8th grade year 2 students said they wanted to kill me. And another one punched me in the head. In elementary school 🏫 (heart ♥️ pain 3:47 am pt) I had comprehension reading problems. A teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 offered me extra books 📚 to take home 🏠 to practice reading 📖 some books had pretty illustrations and were girly. 3:49 am pt exhaling hot air. 🥵 so I spent a lot more time reading 📖 at home 🏠 at one point in lelementary school 🏫. Fictional stories though. Textbooks 📚 were always weirder harder to understand. 3:50 sam pt. 3:51 am pt

min elementary school 🏫 though I think I also had problems with answering questions even for books 📖 that were probably fictional stories something with beaver 🦫 in the title probably something about native Americans? And right of passage. Growing up 🆙. 3:53 am pt the only phrase I could recall in regards to the book 📚. I think 💭 I watched too many cartoons or was doing something else at home 🏠 I think 💭 I probably forgot to do homework 📚. Another teacher 👩‍🏫 came over to our class who always scared 😱 me she was (anus acid pain 3:55 am pt) tall with auburn? Hair and I was talked loud with glasses 🤓 she was a little tough rough with me since first grade when I didn’t follow along with a calculator exercise and I got overwhelmed from not paying attention at first and then when I paid attention I was lost on how to use the calculator and follow along. She called out commands rapidly. And she got angry at me for not following along. I was flustered and scared 😱 while everyone else knew how to do it. She took a hold of my arm when I said I felt hot 🥵 and she yelled out well sit outside. I think she probably would have dragged me out roughly if I didn’t move cooperatively with her when she grabbed my arm. 3:59 am pt

4 am pt I was nervous every time I saw her but for some reason she was nice to my younger sister and gave her a free ice cream 🍦. 4:01 am pt teeth pain 4:02 am pt

Once I tried to silently do what the other kids were doing near her Bcz I think she she gave them free passes/coupons to get free icecream 🍦 from the cafeteria or had the ice cream 🍦 bars on hand in a cooler hoping she would give me one but she seemed to ignore me. 4:04 am pt she didn’t let up 🆙 her tough teacher 👩‍🏫 act until I guessed at what a weather balloon or satellite 📡 was. I was supposed to look it up 🆙 the night b4 but completely forgot. All I could do was guess and hope I was right and I thought she knew the answers and was quizzing me, and I started them thinking that I can guess at things and maybe be right about it, like a psychic. But I wouldn’t know without confirmation from the teacher 👩‍🏫. It set me up 🆙 in the future to guess on things and Jen feel like I was psychic. 4:07 am pt but of course not everything worked out that way all the time so I still had to do a lot of work especially math 🧮 and all reading 📖 homework 📚. 4:08 am pt she was so scary to me. She seems like a terror with her booming voice. 4:08 am pt

4:09 am pt she once gave me a reading test and I think I started to stutter. And she gasses see me to be below my grade in terms of reading skills. 4:10 am pt

4:11 am pt sometimes I would cry when I was alone outside at school 🏫 and I had I forget like a whimper? In my crying. 4:12 am pt I was always afraid to go to the bathroom 🚽 at school 🏫, too.

Once a couple of girls dragged a boy into the girls restroom 🚻. The yard duty got confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ and thought I did it. So I had to sit in time out for recess. While the real one looked at me smugly and walked away. 4:14 am pt

4:25 am pt incubus sliced off a piece of my heart ♥️ I think 💭 and then I started feeling light headed wobbly. Difficulty breathing. I would not want this guy in my team. He’s .. ruthless? Definition? No sympathy/empathy. He is like a predatory animal 🦔 moving around selfishly with no respect for women. He vilified me and hurt me a lot. I can tell he’s extremely biased and doesn’t care for the truth with only the goal 🥅 to kill. Same team as garrido’s child rapists demon angels. Paint a picture of his personality. He is only doing it with a n animal killing personality cold 🥶 with no humanity. 4:30 🕟 am pt and he will use other people’s presence to fake his humanity but all movements he does betray he’s fake and only a killer with no heart 💜. 4:31 am pt

4:33 am pt many people are born to be fillers. Noah’s ark. They probably don’t take the time to actually do any genetic testing I fear. They fabricated everything. It’s only luck of the draw ✍️. My family names have virtuous and ethical in the names. You’d think 💭 that would mean everyone is born with ethical genes 🧬 then to name us that. 4:36 am pt to kill me off now cutting away at my heart ♥️ would mean everything they put out there about genes 🧬 and good people bad people is phony then. Bcz Jesus Christ was supposedly ethical? With appreciation for love 💗 monogamy and hard work and fairness. 4:38 am pt but he is treating me like trash 🗑 and killing my heart now.

4:45 am pt he is using me to save his face about rape and women and children 👶 but I guess he doesn’t need me anymore so he is getting rid of me. I tried to get a n appointment with my doctor 👩‍⚕️ in 2020? 2021? To check my heart ♥️ but she made excuses and told me to call ☎️ 911 the next (😖😭💀 pain 4:48 am pt) time I feel something and every time I was in the hospital 🏥 prior to that they told me that my heart ♥️ was ok 👌 even though I had difficulty breathing and the incubus had punctured it in 8/17/2017. 4:51 am pt I m scared 😱 of what they are doing and going to do. I’m scared 😱 for my mom and me and my sister. 4:53 am pt

7:41 pmpt incubus almost burned 🔥 me to death ☠️ 3? Times today after my bed 🛌 was changed. I think 💭 he has also been tangling my hair. He is very vindictive heinous judgemental abusive. He is not understanding. At least I tried to be understanding of people even when they were angry at me. But he never wants to be. He will ALWAYS judge a woman 👩🏼. He doesn’t understand woman. He thinks a woman needs to let men roll/walk all over her s*xually but he will also call her a whore probably if she does that too. There is no winning with this type of personality. He IS the WORST PERSON.. CREATURE BEAST in the UNIVERSE. The ABSOLUTE WORST. I’m usually nice to people upon first meeting. BUT if you cross the LINES when we DONT KNOW each other, you’re asking for trouble! After Scott called me a whore on Facebook I became harder about being touched too soon 🔜. 7:49 pmpt I felt like I couldn’t trust myself. But sometimes I had no patience. 7:50 pmpt incubus miñion has an UGLY personality. BEAST he is. 7:51 pmpt NOTHING humane about him. 7:51 pmpt

7:52 pmpt he seems like an extension of Adam Noah Levine. But distinctly different person. The incubus has his own signature feeling, but they’re both cruel and heinous. But the incubus obviously is hiding he knows things about me and knows he shouldn’t be as hard on me as he is. 7:53 pmpt

8:36 pmpt but I shouldn’t excuse the incubus miñion Bcz he knows better.

8:37 pmpt I typed that that teacher graded/assessed me to be below my grade level in reading 📖. I guess she could have been gass lighting me Bcz she probably knew she made me nervous but didn’t want to admit it. Maybe she wanted to make my regular or previous teacher look ineffective? (Slammed door 🚪 8:39 pmpt) idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe something else/different. Maybe that was the reason they let me borrow fictional books 📚 in elementary school 🏫 from another teacher 👨🏻‍🏫. 8:41 pmpt those were nice books 📖 I guess. I don’t recall much content so I guess there was nothing weird in the books 📚.

8:53 pmpt they already knew b4 conception that they were going to prematurely sacrifice me, like Jon benet Ramsey. They knew b4 my sisters’ conceptions that they weren’t going to prematurely sacrifice them. 8:55 pmpt which is why they’re all leo ♌️ sun 🌞 signs 🪧 . Jeremy, Mimi, and my youngest sister and my sisters’s 👯‍♀️ First borns. Leo ♌️ x 5. 8:57 pmpt everything. Fabricated. Which is probably why the incubus said good people do bad things. 8:58 pmpt but he won’t let me think I’m good for sure. Instea, he gave me the idea that garrido is good. That’s right. He would rather say garrido is better than me. Which is why he had babies 👶 with dugard. He kidnapped her and raped her. BUT he was willing to get caught. I read he said that he will never hurt their babies 👶. 9 pmpt unfortunately, that’s reality. Yet people early on held a lot of things against me that were relatively extremely small in comparison to garrido’s deeds. I was called names. People told me I was crazy. And when I passed by someone in a store 🏬 I thought 💭 I heard the word “sicko.” 9:03 pmpt I am as punched in the head probably 4 punches total, very strong 💪 hard powerful punches. I think 💭 I probably felt a soft spot in my skull 💀 where the punches happened sometime afterward and after I read on Wikipedia that there was a natural hole 🕳 for a vein? Artery? . It is weird now that I think about it. 9:05 pmpt it’s healed now. 9:06 pmpt I also hit my head a lot on very dense hard things. An old car 🚗 with a metal exterior. Steel bunk bed frame. A dense wooden bench in the Philippines 🇵🇭. Probably had a high dense Janka rated hardness. A failed cherry drop from the tallest bar on the school playground at Payne elementary school 🏫. Into tan bark. I also fell out of a van with heavy books 📚 in my backpack 🎒 onto the street behind my elementary school 🏫 in the morning. I had the books 📚 Bcz I had concentration and comprehension problems so I didn’t finish the previous day in class the reading and questions. You know without all my problems a lot of people wouldn’t have jobs? 9:11 pmpt when I was about to turn 18 years old my mom wanted me to go to group counseling Bcz I wanted to meet Derek. 9:12 pmpt police 👮‍♂️ and doctors 🥼 don’t have the motivation to do the right things for/by dugard. That wasn’t a beautiful life. Living in a shed naked on a bucket 🪣 being raped when 11 years old and it hurt. 9:14 pmpt people are very motivated by money 💰 and their own survival. They think they can justify it by believing they are better. But can you really say you’re better? Greeks wouldn’t agree. You have easy life it makes it easy to not be cross. 9:16 pmpt

9:39 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I am like wreck it Ralph in a way. 9:40 pmpt

9:41 pmpt I did kinda hit on a grown man when I was around 4/5 years old, in a swimming 🏊‍♀️ pool 🏊‍♀️ probably after I started feeling the incubus tickle my vagina and he put it in my mind to hump plush Mickey Mouse 🐁 toy 🧸. 9:43 pmpt

9:47 pmpt incubus/miñion changed my words to” I am as”. Typed I was punched... . 9:48 pmpt searing pain righ thigh. They re going to make me fall and die when I’m weak. No fake outs here. No miracles. 9:49 pmpt 9:50 pmpt everyone already knows incubus that you want me to die. So I wish you would just cut my head off. Make your miñion do it. He can move on to his next victim sooner. 9:52 pmpt

10:13 pmpt in high school 🏫 years, 2001, I had thought 💭 I was maybe half psychic. But I think 💭 that I thought 💭 it was a natural ability Bcz of something I saw on tv 📺 that people don’t usually use their whole brains 🧠 and that I was tapping into the part of the brain 🧠 that a lot of people were not trying hard enough to exercise. 😤🥵😤🥵😤😤. On an aol hometown webpage I created in 2001, I typed I thought 💭 I was half psychic and I showed it to “Brendan.” 10:17 pmpt I also typed I liked flipper the tv show and tennis 🎾?

[btsmosphere]

autumn with: hobi

~pairing: hobi x reader ~word count: 2.5k (bullet fic!) ~genre: fluff fluff and more fluff, college au, friends to lovers ~rating: g (no warnings:))

a look at autumn and halloween with our beloved hobi! since I’m feeling very fall lately, I went on a hunt and found some lovely prompt lists from @crockettmarcel @flufftober and @lavenderotpprompts 💜I shook them all together to make a snippet of autumn for each of the boys- at the end, I’ll include the list I put together for hobi!

also a thank you to @moccahobi​ and @ssaboala​ for reading this and helping keep me in the autumn spirit!! I really appreciate it🥰

autumn with: masterlist

Everyone moves back into the dorm for the start of term in September

It’s not the dramatic reunion some might think, everyone turns up in dribs and drabs instead of all arriving at once

You chose to head back pretty early

In fact, so early that you aren’t sure anyone else is here yet

Well, someone has to be the first, right?

It feels a bit barren, but it’s quiet and there’s something nice in that too. You stop for a bit in the hallway between all the rooms, where there are big windows and you can see the trees, the ends of the leaves starting to curl and brown

A huge cacophony of what sounds like the kitchen falling down shakes you

After a moment frozen, you turn towards the sound

It definitely came from the kitchen

But the door is still standing there as if nothing happens

Is there a ghost in your dorm? Should you have stayed back and waited until there was safety in numbers? Is this the beginning of your very own horror movie??

A loud curse echoes from the kitchen and you laugh instead

Hobi.

When you enter the kitchen, you find flour splatted on the floor, upturned bowl and one Jung Hoseok with his hair sticking up- you’re pretty sure he’s run his floury fingers through it, unless he’s going for some reverse Guy Fieri look

Unable to control your laughter, you set to work together

Hobi wants to make cookies

Shouldn’t be too hard

He has a goal this year, he says. He’s going to take up baking as a hobby so he can feed everyone nice things

You have to admit, when he lists off the cinnamon buns, apple pies and chocolate brownies he wants to make, you find your mouth watering. So you’re going to help him make those darn cookies

Your intervention might be the only thing that gets them out alive, to be honest

But Hobi is grinning so widely when you finally get to bite into them that you encourage him to bake something else soon

It’s been a long time away, and the plate of cookies doesn’t make it to the morning, having been slowly eaten by you two as you stayed curled up over the kitchen table cradling hot chocolates and laughing at each other

The kitchen lights were warm while it was dark outside. Now the morning light is the opposite, cold and pale as it wakes to frostbitten lawns

Hobi crawls out of bed while you’re blearily snacking on cereal

The moment he sees you, he yells and pulls back, hiding behind the door with just his face and fluffy hair visible

Oh. He’s topless

“I got flour on my only top,” he complains, “I haven’t unpacked anything yet.”

You call him a lazybones, but still go to fish something out of your wardrobe

It’s on the bigger side, but cropped, and he looks a little funny wearing it. Your style is so different from his, but he doesn’t complain

He eats toast and looks thoroughly adorable, dammit

It’s October before he completely unpacks

It’s chaotic, but you turn a blind eye. At least he’s done it now, and won’t have to go rooting through a suitcase every time he wants something

You should have foreseen, though, that with one victory, that only leaves something else weird to happen instead

You can never escape the weird

Not with Hobi

Which is why you’re staring at him now, stuck between shock and laughter

He’s in the kitchen, having forcibly sat you down to watch his fashion show, and right now you don’t think he could physically be wearing any more jumpers

You fend off the laughter and go straight for incredulity

“What are you doing?”

“It’s sweater season!” he defends himself

“It’s not even that cold out! And we’re not even out!”

“Let’s change that, then”

He clearly ignored the first part of your argument, but here you are outside, winding between the trees away from your dorm

Okay, so maybe it is a little chilly out

But there’s no way you’ll give that to Hobi. He’s still wearing entirely too many sweaters, even after you made him take some off

Anyway, you bite your lip. He’s having fun- his cheeks are round and a bit red as he smiles, looking around. He breathes in, rubbing his hands together and looking like all is right with the world now autumn in on its way

Then a leaf smacks him in the face

He flails around for a split second, blowing little raspberries as a defense mechanism against the onslaught of the leaf

All the while, you howl with laughter until he turns to you with a pout

It only makes you laugh more

“Autumn loves you as much as you love it!” you giggle

Hobi folds his arms, as far as the sweater bundle will let him

“I bet you can’t catch a leaf”

So now you’re running around like a lunatic

How did it end up this way, with Hobi laughing at you?? He’s the weird one

Your weird friend is lying back on a leafy carpet when you skip over, triumphantly holding a bright red leaf above your head

He struggles to sit up, but claps and woops for you

He has to clap with his arms straight

To save him the trouble, you flop down next to him, panting little gusts into the air

They show up in front of your nose, ghostly and lingering in the air; is it really that cold already?

It probably has something to do with the fact it’s also getting dark now, but neither of you move

Clouds drift over, just as lazy as you

You’ve been there a while, and you aren’t out of breath any more. The air is cool as it fills your lungs

Whispering leaves announce Hobi rolling over to face you

“Are you cold?”

And you’ve been so busy feeling warm inside at the afternoon filled with giggles and the prospect of autumn setting in that you hadn’t noticed

But cold is a side effect of the season

You were only shivering a bit

He smothers your protests and denial, knowing it’s only a bid to keep up your disdain at his outfit

His smug grin won’t let you forget about it when he finally thrusts a woolly cardigan over you, practically lying on top of you now, the result of your scrambling playfight that, admittedly, may have defeated the need of a warm jumper

Now that you have it though, it’s not bad, though no substitute for his warmth which leaves as he slides off to sit on the ground beside you

You cuddle into the material like Hobi had earlier, and he glows

The rest of the day is warm, even as light leaks from the sky

You’re back in the warm kitchen with warm food and warm laughter

And all the way until Halloween you’re caught up in the whirlwind of Hobi

It’s a budget Halloween, of course. You’re students, after all

Luckily, as Hobi puts it, some of the trees nearby are apple trees, and he’s hell-bent on apple bobbing on Halloween

“It’s only right,” he’ll say

And of course you’ll go along with it. One look at his hopeful grin is always enough to get you agreeing to his hairbrained schemes

No one knows if it’s legal to take or eat the apples, being on public property

Or if they’re edible

But surely all apples are edible?

You hope so, you think gingerly as you place another one in your bag

It may have looked more picture-perfect with those cute baskets, or if you were in a meadow, but instead your friends are all clustered under a line of apple trees that grow along the road, putting the apples into your backpacks like it’s something shady, underhand

Just as you reach for another, Hobi shrieks, and from your position sitting on his shoulders you wobble perilously

Looking around in alarm, you grab at his bobble hat for stability, feeling him clutch tighter to your legs

Somehow, you both stay upright as Tae runs off giggling, being shooed by Jin

“What if yn dropped an apple on his head, you punk!” he was yelling, “we don’t need to re-discover the theory of gravity!”

“Got enough?” Hobi asks

Confirming, you let him crouch to put you down

You’re both a little breathless

“Let’s see”

He bends closer, pulling your backpack open to see the shining apples nestled there

“I’ll make a good pie with these,” he promises

You give him a look

“I really will this time!” he exclaims at that, “the brownies were an exception!”

Chuckling, you acquiesce

“Alright,” this is how it always goes, “I trust you”

In the end, the home-made Halloween is great

Everyone has decorated their doorway – though you wonder how many Hobi actually helped with – and you take turns rushing up and down, calling ‘trick or treat’ like little kids

Of course, you all have costumes, as well as little bags for sweets, which are only plastic bags from the supermarket, but Hobi glued little paper fangs onto the top

Hobi’s a witch, and his black cloak swooshes out behind him

Of course this means he won’t stop running up and down the hall even after the lot of you have squished together in a pile to eat sweets in the kitchen

“I’ll eat all of yours!” Jimin threatens

This brings Hobi dashing back again

The evening is fun and full of you and Hobi feeding each other sweets, pretending you aren’t giving him the ones you know he likes the most

“ugh, another one of these, I don’t like them that much”

You’re not sure if he believes you

The others certainly don’t, but you ignore the way they look at you as you hold another up to Hobi’s lips

Hobi swears off the horror film later, but you follow him to the kitchen

Honestly, it’s out of fear for the apple pie

And nothing else at all

You laugh together and steal some of the leftover sweets as he makes it through one failed batch of dough

Namjoon goes to bed

You’re pretty sure the others have fallen asleep in the living room

They can have some pie tomorrow, if it ever gets made. Or if it does, then if it isn’t all eaten before they can get to it

This time around, Hobi deems the batch successful and finally it’s in the oven, complete with strawberry jam leaking out of the sides

“It has to look spooky!”

Hobi falls into a chair beside you, covered in flour and fruit and looking much better than he has any right to

“Let’s go outside, the pie has to bake for a while”

You don’t question your enthusiasm to go with him

At this point, you get excited along with him, and after seeing how brilliant the stars look, you can only half concentrate

Staring at him instead is just as tempting

You know the joy you’ll find there

It’s darker as you pass under the trees, further from the building

Still you don’t look away

Did you see that?”

Hobi gasps, a hand flying out to catch your own

His fingers around soft around your wrist, and slip down to grasp your hand

Eventually, he brings his gaze back to earth, frowning around at you

Blinking, you realise he asked you something

“See what?”

Your voice is no more than a breath in the air

All he says is “look”

There are other things you would rather look at, but you turn your head to the sky

You’ve stopped walking at this point, just standing still among the leaves

The tree branches stretch into the sky, much thinner than they used to look

You breathe

Hobi’s hand is still holding yours, calling you back to earth, but you force your eyes to search the heavens a bit more

You’re about the ask Hobi what he’s on about when you see it, at last

A flicker, quick enough that you could have missed it in a blink

Satisfied, Hobi turns to you

This time, it’s his turn to admire your face as it transforms, disbelief to wonder

“Was that-?”

“A shooting star!”

You wonder if he really was a witch, and if so what kind of spell he cast to make this Halloween work out so well

He holds his hand out

Doesn’t even ask

Without knowing, you realise your trust has grown well enough, so firm within your chest, that you take it without a second thought

And now you’re dancing

He really loves this cape, and spins you around as an excuse to make it fly behind him

Almost losing your balance, you grab him harder, laughing

And he pulls you closer once you stand up

Your feet are scuffling in the broken leaves like so many times before as you messed around

You trip and lose the rhythm, and spin too many times that you should stop, but you end up dizzy with a wide grin

When he kisses you, it’s like you had done it a hundred times before

No questions in your mind, you lean in more, hands sliding into the warmth under his silly cloak. And you wonder if you’re really just dizzy from spinning

The apple pie burns

You and Hobi still eat it, and the inside is really very nice

Like you would have before, you share spoonfuls, eating the whole thing over gossip and laughter

Only this time, you curl in his lap, and then he in yours because it gets uncomfy

In the morning, Namjoon finds everyone out of bed, sleeping on the sofas or the kitchen table, as is your case

And no one is surprised, or seems to bat an eye beyond smiling at the two of you

You wrap up in each other’s clothes, and walk under the trees, and dance, and suffer the results of baking- which will get better, he promises every single time

And you trust him

Thank you for reading!! this was made with the following prompts: baking - back to school/university – “I bet you can’t catch a leaf” - wearing someone else’s clothes - trick or treating - apple picking – warmth - “it’s sweater season!” - “are you cold?” - “I trust you” - shooting stars - first dance

If you enjoyed this, a comment would be so appreciated, it makes it all worth it🥰🥰 find my other autumn drabbles here

taglist: @aianloveseven @preciouschimine​ send me a message if you want to be tagged in my “autumn with” updates!!

[infitsovermisfits]

What's Shakin' Baby? - Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

((i'm crying sm look how pretty he fucking looks AAAAAA))

info: took me days to write which I'm honestly pretty proud of- I had this idea for a while and just thought it was cute lads :) hope u enjoy while I work on the other fics. OMG VOL 2 COMES OUT IN A WEEK WHAT THE FUCK??? That's wild I'm so nervous and excited. this is edited but if I missed any warnings or anything woopsie. I also hope people are ok that I change readers home life around? like in 'Tiny Swords' they've got a family but here they're alone- I'm just trying to be fun with it and change things up for u all please appreciate me please please validate this please please (/lh) HAHAHAHA HAPPY READING!!!

also, i have s o many pictures of eddie on my pinterest its so fucking funny. also, if anyone's going to comic con on the 8/10th of July and seeing Joe i hope u have a lovely time <3 

WARNINGS: gender neutral reader, reader is 20, angst, self-conscious issues, underage (America) drinking, drug use, mentions of violence, allusions to season 3, fighting, working through issues ig, angst with a happy ending, reconciliation, confession of feelings, way too long oh my god, idk what else my mind is blank 

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART3 | MASTERLIST

11,979 words

"Sorry, we're closed!" You called, focusing on drying the blenders from any leftover water droplets that remained from the night before. It was bright and early at 7 am, and the ringing of the door behind you signified without fail that a customer had entered 'Sam's Smoothie Shack' without bothering to spare a glance at the "Sorry! We're closed!" sign hung on the door. The chart next to it clearly stated that on Mondays, you opened at 7:30 am, not 7 on the dot. You'd gotten the job last year during spring break, and worked part-time when you had school. After your exams, you worked full-time over the summer to make some more money before leaving Hawkins for good, to go to Franklin College...

You were back now, finally finished with your first semester there, and it was... Vastly underwhelming. Sure, you were happy- and perhaps too eager- to finally leave Hawkins behind and experience life as the adult you were.  Yeah...  Only no one told you how fucking difficult making new friends in a city you had never been in before was going to be. You'd basically lived alone since you were sixteen, so you knew the basics of taking care of yourself. That was nothing you were new to, you just had an issue talking to people. How were you supposed to start conversations? Introducing yourself was weird, and most of the 'normal' people there were judgemental assholes...

Your roommates were nice to you but rarely invited you out to parties. There were a few other goths and punks who studied there but to your luck, you didn't share any classes together, so you rarely saw them. That meant you were often drinking alone by yourself in your dorm, reminiscing on the not-as-shitty-as-you remembered times in Hawkins...

Your whole life, you felt alone, never really fitting in with the other kids. The friends you did have grew into assholes by High School- being alone was better than being talked about behind your back or never included in plans. It made you resent them until it made you a loner. But if you stayed out of everybody's way then you'd be safe, right?

You couldn't be more fucking wrong. It was as if you had 'make this person's life hell' floating above you at all times. Kids, you didn't even know would call you a freak or shove you in the halls. Some days, surviving those 4 years seemed agonising and pointless to you...

At least one person was determined to prove you wrong.

Eddie "The Freak" Munson was the only person you had some sort of a relationship with in Hawkins. When one day, you'd found your lunch being ripped to shreds in the field by some assholes, you ran all the way to the trees, sobbing into your hands. Out of the forest, he emerged, leaves stuck in his shorter hair and round eyes full of worry. He had been the first person to be kind in High School, and that made you admire him so much. 

He hadn't called you a freak- he called the dog collar you turned into a bracelet cool and not weird, and he even shared one of his sandwiches with you. That day, in the first week of freshman year, you decided he was going to be your only friend. 

Over the years, you watched him grow into himself Eddie: becoming the intense, animated and overconfident 'freak' at your high school that taught you how to grow thicker skin. By junior year, you'd developed your own catalogue of insults you'd hurl at anyone trying to give you a hard time, and laughed maniacally at the 'devil worshipping' rumours they'd spread about the two of you. 

If only they knew what you were actually like alone. Eddie was much more laid back, no thanks to the weed he began dealing to anyone who'd be interested greatly helped in relaxing you both. It also jumbled your words and made Hawkins just that more bearable. Through the long summers, you found yourself spending more and more time with him, until you were hanging out every day. If you weren't at work, you were most likely with Eddie- in his van, in his trailer, in your trailer, in the park at Forest Hills, in the woods, wherever. Legal, or illegal it didn't matter because you were there together. 

You largely credited him as being the only reason you managed to survive high school and Hawkins in their own ways- existing with him wasn't as shitty as existing alone. He somehow made things more enjoyable. And you'd be lying if you didn't think about kissing him once, maybe twice. You really would give anything just to feel those soft lips against your own... Once...

You lost your chance when you'd received your Franklin acceptance letter and he broke the news to you that they'd called his Uncle Wayne to inform him Eddie had failed his exams and would need to stay behind another year. And you had to bury that anger deep within you and comfort him through chainsmoking and drinking through the rest of your summer together, considering you'd be gone for most of the year.

For the first time in your life, you were separated. And going to college without Eddie by your side was weird in itself. Sure you'd likely be taking separate classes- maybe he wouldn't even be studying at all? Maybe he'd work, or play with a new band he'd find up there... He'd find some way to fit into your life together... But he didn't. Because he wasn't there. He stayed behind while you moved on.

And yet you came back. You knew you could have stayed in Franklin for the summer but where was the fun in that? The one friend you had made that had a very believable fake ID was gone for the summer so you couldn't drink your way through the sweltering heat. You were sort of forced to hop on the next bus to Hawkins, heaving your luggage after you and staring out the window as Metalica drowned out any worries you may have of stepping back home... Home... Didn't fucking feel like it,

"That's a shame," You recognised that voice. You'd had it making small comments that made you smile to yourself in class, and lulling you to sleep with his songs, " 'I was made for loving you, baby...' " He was behind you now. He tapped the bell three times to the beat of the song as you turned up your Kiss song on the radio by your side. You turned sharply with a large grin,

" 'You were made for loving me...' " You finished excited in unison with him, barely on key from how wide you were grinning at the sight of him: long, raven-black mane of hair cascading down his shoulders and covering some of the pins higher up on his jean vest, sitting just on top of the warm leather jacket who's scent and touch you had long committed to memory.  You could faintly see the red devil beneath the layers, and you could only make out the 'i' with the flaming dot from the 'Hellfire Club' printed over his chest. He was live and in the flesh before you. Finally, together again, "Hey!" You greeted happily, unable to control the laughter that bubbled up from your chest as you moved forwards to the counter. Quickly, you hopped up on it and slid over the smooth top, ignoring the 'Hey, I just cleaned that!' from your younger co-worker as you fell into his arms, hugging him tightly. His familiar scent of cigarette smoke and weed quickly filled your lungs, warmly welcoming you back. Strangely, you could also faintly smell cologne on him; you'd tease him about that later. For now, you were just happy you were reunited, "God, did I miss you, Munson," You grinned, pulling away in his arms to look up at him,  "Did your hair get longer when I was gone?" You teased  playfully, twirling a strand around your finger,

"You missed me!?" He asked in a mocking shocked tone, causing you to laugh, "And yeah, it did. Hair grows like that," You grinned, 

"I had no clue, Eddie," You said playfully, smirking, "But you didn't even cut it or anything-"

"Who's that?" Your co-worker asked from behind you. He'd turned the music down, which caused you to turn and frown at his confused face, "Is he here for the interview?"

"No man, he's just my very... Good friend," You let go of Eddie from where you were holding him and pat his shoulder with a tight smile, glancing up at him and walking back around behind the counter, tightening the bow at the back of your apron, "It's Eddie? Munson?" You told your coworker, motioning to the man inside the store, "I told you about him, Micheal," You sighed,

"Yeah, well, Sam said if it's not part of the official training, I don't have to listen to you," You rolled your eyes as his voice droned on and he turned back to cutting up a few more fruits for the healthier smoothies,

"See what I gotta deal with on a daily basis, Eds?" You smiled as you leaned against the counter, glancing down at it briefly and grabbing a spray and a wipe, cleaning it, 

"Mh- just as awful as last time," He gave you a wink once you were done, and leaned an elbow on the counter so he could talk to you as usual. Things felt normal again- as normal as Eddie could provide you,

"Hey, I like this job," You defended, 

"You tolerate this job, barely," He smirked. He knew you too damn well, and you gave him a knowing smile, 

"Yeah. I do," You sighed, "But it pays me money to work here. And Sam's nice enough to let me wear my apron again a-"

"Hey, where is the old man, by the way?" Eddie asked, and you glanced around cautiously, before looking up at the newly installed security camera that had gotten busted when some middle schoolers thought it would be funny to construct the most repulsive smoothie known to man at you. Without pay. You didn't have the heart to let Sam know so you just prayed Micheal would fuck it up somehow, "Did he uh...?" Eddie made a cutthroat gesture when you turned back to look at him, and you smirked, shoving his hand away,

"Sam is right as rain, thank you very much for your concern," You smiled at the disappointed groan he gave, and reached over grabbing a toothpick and sticking it between his teeth, chewing on it to relieve a nicotine craving he likely had, "He's in the back doing inventory and helping the boys unload- we get fresh fruit here every day, after all," You tapped the sign that you had drawn, that now rested before the register. Eddie hummed, looking over your work with a small nod, "He still very much doesn't appreciate you loitering around," You teased, smiling at him, "But you're A-Okay in my books, Munson," You grinned at him, resting your elbows on the counter and setting your chin on your hands, "So how've you-"

"Why is he still inside then?" Your co-worker asked, unamused, and unsharing your excitement. You cast him a glare for even piping up, "Wait, is this the guy we're not supposed to let-"

"Because I can be," Eddie piped up from beside you, "And if you tell that old ass I was here, I'll punch you," Eddie threatened. Eddie had only ever been punched. You'd never personally seen him fight back; usually he'd just pick himself off the floor and go scowling to you with a bloody nose you'd clean for him, or a black eye you'd lend your ice to. You smirked, raising your brows at him,

"You actually can't be in here though," The younger kid said, moving to stand closer to you, "The sign says we're still closed. We open in fifteen minutes," When you came back two days ago, you couldn't sleep. You arrived at Forest Hills Trailer Park at the asscrack of dawn and spent the better part of that morning digging through your stuff to find your fake ID you'd wrongfully misplaced before leaving for college. Soon though, you wouldn't need it. Your twenty-first was only a few months away. God, you were old...

 The first thing you did was buy yourself beer because Jesus Christ was the summer looking warm as shit. You then went to Sam's to reclaim your apron, only to find your spot taken by Micheal. You didn't know or recognise him- he was either a junior or senior but you weren't paying attention to what he was saying because his voice pissed you off. All mumbly and gross it made you want to rip off your ears. Sam had been convinced he was the best for the job so you didn't question him, and felt relieved to be hired again. 

Micheal, like you, couldn't give a shit about this job, or you. Something you were thankful for. You mostly treated him like an annoying little brother, and rarely spoke to him because you really had nothing in common. He seemed so boring to you, so it greatly surprised you that he was the reason you were getting so many, customers. It was amusing, even now, seeing the line of newly 'Smoothie Cleanse' obsessed moms of Hawkins flocking outside and sending Eddie dirty looks for cutting inside. Micheal would get flirted with constantly, only to obliviously blink and just make the smoothie, while you only received death glare looks. It didn't really matter, considering you two shared the generous tips he'd receive at the end of your shifts,

"Shut up, Micheal," You said, waving him off, "Hey- I just remembered I never taught you how to clean the blenders because it's 'unsafe' so you've gotta go in the back to ask Sam," You said, pointing out the blender. He picked it up, frowning,

"But-" You didn't want to argue, 

"You want our customers complaining about our dirty blenders, Micheal?" You asked, and watched his eyes widen fearfully, "You want this place to shut down and ruin poor Sam's life? No. You don't. Get your ass in the back, find Sam, asking how to take the blender apart," You said threateningly, watching as he disappeared through the 'employee's only' door. You sighed, turning back to Eddie and grabbing a smoothie you'd made earlier for yourself in place of coffee, "How've you been, Eds?" You asked, smiling at him as you took a sip from your straw,

"Oh, you know, here and there," He said, "Everywhere really. You drink this crap?" He gestured to the drink you were holding, "Thought you'd be sick of it," He hummed,

"I was," You shrugged, taking a sip, "But this raspberry blast is so good," You hummed, handing it over to him so he could take a sip of the pink liquid, "I made it myself. Created the recipe and everything- it's part of the hiring process I told you about? Apparently, it's super popular now. I think Sam's even gonna call it the Smoothie of the Summer which means-" You tapped the counter eagerly, "-I get a promotion!" You grinned,

"Nice!" He smiled, holding his hand out for you to high five, before taking another sip, "I finished this by the way- sorry," He said, shaking the empty cup, "It's really good,"

"I told you!" You grinned, watching him toss the cup and miss the trash bin entirely, "You pick that up right now, we're not even open and you're making a mess," You pointed to the cup with a grin, 

"Mmmh- can't I'm still tasting the smoothie," He said, closing his eyes as you grinned, 

"Christ, Eds," You hummed, shaking your head as you glanced through the fresh ingredients in the cooling trays next to you, 

"What's in there? I can taste the raspberries but it's sweet and not weird like raspberries usually are," He said with a frown,

"You mean tart. They're tart," You explained, and watched as he blinked at you,

"Like a pie tart?" You laughed loudly, shaking your head, "You put a pie in there?"

"No!" You laughed, "No, you dumbass- tart is like a flavour it's not entirely sour but it's not sweet it's like... Between those uh-" You glanced behind you at the overhead menus, "It's got raspberries, obviously, but they're the frozen ones cause we have to get rid of them before Sam orders anymore," You said, glancing at the ingredients set out and pointing to them, "It's also got banana and yoghurt to give it the thick texture, apple juice to help it blend and make it sweet and then also honey. For the sweetness," You smiled, "You do have to tweak and really experiment with the ratios because one thing goes off and it's just gross and too sour or gross and too sweet," You stuck your tongue out, 

"I see, I see," He said, resuming his spot where he was leaning against the counter. He had pulled the toothpick from his mouth and was dulling the sharp ends by repeatedly drumming the stick into the counter, "It's nice. Refreshing, babe," He teased, and you rolled your eyes, "Oh and by the way- fuck you for not telling me you were back sooner," He said in mock hurt, putting a hand on his chest. Your eyes widened at his comment,

"Fuck- Shit- Sorry," You hissed, "I know I should have, I'm really sorry," You quickly apologised, "I didn't expect coming back home after so long was gonna be so chaotic but..." You sighed deeply, then shrugged your shoulders "It is," You frowned, "I had to go pay off some bills to Dave 'cause apparently I only paid for six months and not ten," You rambled,

"Oh shit," He said with a frown, looking concerned,

"Yeah, shit," You grumbled, "I was so excited to go buy new clothes for myself tomorrow at Starcourt and bam!- half my savings are gone," You frowned, "Gotta compromise if I want to eat and survive or look nice," You sighed,

"He knows you live alone, right?" He checked; you nodded, "And that you're a student going to college in another city, how many miles from home?"

"Yeah, of course he knows," You said, glancing over at the fruits you had paused in cutting up to dry the blenders. You glanced over to where you kept the single-use plastic gloves and put on a pair, before resuming your task, "He doesn't give a shit about students, though. He's never heard of a student discount," You grumbled,

"He knows you're only twenty, right?" You nodded, "You've been living there for eight years with your parents- three of those alone. He must have... Realised?" He said quietly, and you paused with the knife half sunk in the strawberry. 

To be honest, you didn't want to bother Dave with the news your father, your only caretaker, had passed when he did, so all the bills you'd paid for those three years were marked out in his name. You'd secretly hoped someone else would tell him to avoid having that conversation. You never really got used to admitting to what happened with your father; his sickness... His death. Eddie and his uncle Wayne were the only ones you had that day, and you spent the week over there, not ready to enter your home and realise you were alone,

"...Yeah," You said quietly, resuming your task,

"Then why don't you ask him to lower the rent?" He asked, leaning against the glass display and watching the movements of your hands intently, "Considering you're not even using it as a home while you're away in college,"

"Ugh, that was his point too," You frowned, 

"But you're not using his stuff? Why is he charging you if you're not there?" He frowned,

"He said something like..." You paused to think, remembering back to the conversation you had "Something like 'doesn't matter to me that you can't pay- you're hogging up the space, kiddo'," You mimicked the older man's voice and sighed, "He's annoying and stubborn and he hates kids," You settled,

"Damn..." Eddie sighed, "You should have told me. I could have covered for you," He said, and you smiled softly at his offer,

"Thanks, Eds that's very kind of you," You said sincerely, and noticed the small smile he flashed you made your heart flutter, "But four months' worth of rent is a lot. And I don't think you could magically pull that much out of thin air" You said, eyes widening slightly. You shook your head "Just gotta spend my summer vacationing away from school work with... Normal work," You grimaced,

"Damn," He frowned, 

"Anyhow-" You tried steering the conversation away from your boring life to him. He was bound to have something exciting to tell you, "Anything new with you?" You asked, 

"A few freshmen joined Hellfire," He said, as you 'ooo'-ed for him, "Yes, yes. My illustrious charm and endless charisma convinced them to join," You smiled, at his comments as he waved his arm for dramatic purposes, 

"You kick their asses yet, babe?" You smiled, glancing up at him from your task,

"Of course, babe, who do you think I am?" You could still remember the first night you started using the pet names for each other. One night, you were getting high in his room, giggling away at something, when he had mentioned his 'sweetheart'. He perhaps sensed your mood shift to serious all too quickly, because your giggles had faded and you were staring at him with a curious look. He lifted his hand above his head to affectionately strum the chords on his then, brand new guitar, which got you to laugh again. You'd started calling each other babe that night and it stuck. It was a friend thing, you were convinced. As playfully as asshole, shithead and dickhead were. But sometimes, you liked pretending there was affection behind the word, and not your usual playfulness,

"Good," You hummed softly. You still had a full bowl of freshly cleaned strawberries to get through, before opening time. When he didn't speak again, seemingly focused on your hands working away at slicing up the fruit, you spoke up, "You know how much I fucking love making shakes for the health moms out there?" You said sarcastically, nodding your head to the line of mostly older women queuing impatiently outside,

"Mhm," He hummed, scanning the line, "Yeah, I'm so jealous of em," He joked, making you breathe out a small laugh, "What did you want to get from Starcourt anyway?" He asked curiously,

"Huh?" You asked, not entirely hearing him,

"I asked what you wanted from Starcourt. The mall?" He elaborated,

"I don't know- anything that caught my eye?" You said with a smile, before sighing, "You know I couldn't afford much last year, considering I was putting the money off for rent and school... It was mostly window shopping then, so I'm excited to go now to actually buy stuff! I have my route planned out already- Sam's even letting taking the day off tomorrow so I can maximise on the buying and he hates the mall! I'm so excited, Eds- Wanna hear?" You said quickly, letting your excitement take over before he could utter a word, "Okay so bottom floor, West wing entrance, straight into JCPennies because there was such a cute necklace there that I think if I layered with-"

"I... Hate to disappoint you but uh..." Eddie said quickly, holding a hand up for you, "The mall burned down," You blinked, setting the knife down as you stared at him, 

"It did what?"

"Faulty wiring, I think? If I remember it from the news right... I don't know, my uncle read the paper but he might have burned it..." He said, humming to himself and tilting his head, eyes flicking over the ceiling to try to gather his thoughts, "The ceiling was unsafe and collapsed onto gas pipes and then boom! A fire," He said. Your shoulders dropped in disappointment as you frowned, looking at the pink-stained cutting board and knife. God, it sure had been a while since you were back home... Seems like the most exciting things happened while you were away, "But hey- the stores on the main street were forced to open back up, so that's... Good! You could always go there to shop," He said quickly, seeing your mood shift,

"Nah, that's not the same as walking through a mall," You sighed, "That's... Wow that's so shitty," You huffed, frowning, "So now I just have a day to... Do nothing?" You frowned, shaking your head as you went back to your task,

"You've always got me," Eddie said. You looked up at him, scanning him up and down, "Wherever you wanna go, I'll take you," He smiled, and you narrowed your eyes,

"How are you not burning up in that?" You pointed to his two jackets and long sleeve Hellfire shirt,

"You guys have good air con," He winked, and you raised your brows with a nod,

"We do have good air con," You smiled, "But outside?"

"Well, it's only warm. Not unbearably hot yet," He said, and you nodded, before sighing and dumping the pile of strawberries into their correct, chilled bin,

"If Sam sees you in here-"

"He'll be overjoyed!" Eddie grinned as he finished, "Now come on- hang out with me all day tomorrow. School's out for the summer, you have nothing to do; I have nothing to do. I'll make it worthwhile! Promice. I'll take you around Hawkins and show you everything that's different," He begged, and you sighed as you moved to set the dirty dishes in the nearby sink, 

"That's not gonna take us all day though," You said, and watched him pout, "It might take all evening though," You smiled," I get off at one today," You told him, and watched his face as he smiled in recognition, 

"Of course you get off at one today," He grinned, "Nice- I'll pick you up for lunch and we'll go driving around like old times," He said eagerly,

"Hell, why not?" You grinned as he hissed a little 'yes' to himself, "I-"

"You could always just come in tomorrow," Your co-worker piped in, seemingly appearing out of nowhere and scaring you. You twisted around to see him holding the now spotless blender, and cast him a glare, "And tell Sam your plans got cancelled,"

"Or you could keep your mouth shut and wash those blenders a little better," You snapped back, holding a hand up to Eddie and sliding off the sticky gloves you were wearing, discarding them in a nearby bin "What the fuck is that?" You said, grabbing one of the blenders and holding it out to him to see the blades.

"...I don't know," He said quietly,

"That-" You pointed inside, "-is peanut butter stuck to the blades," You said, "You better clean this right now-"

"But it's been through the dishwasher," He whined, "Can't we say it's... Clean?" You glared at him,

"Fine, Micheal. Don't clean it," You said, setting the blender and throwing up your hands, "But when you use this blender to make a smoothie for a customer who's got a severe peanut allergy and they fall to the ground unable to breathe and die-" You said angrily, "-You are gonna be singlehandedly paying out lawsuits," You threatened, shoving the blender into his chest and sighing as he moved into the back, "Unbelievable," You shook your head as you approached Eddie, leaning your arms on the counter. He seemed stunned, staring at you with an unreadable look on his face, "What? What is it?" You asked, standing up straighter,

"Y-" He cleared his throat, "You're very uhm... Serious about your job," He said, giving you a small smile. You tilted your head as you looked at him, furrowing your brows, 

"Yeah...? I am. I gotta make money and I can't do that if this establishment is paying off hospital bills..." You rambled, noticing the slight pink tinge to his cheeks and smiling softly, "Eds, are you blushing...?" You asked surprised, and stifled a small laugh as his eyes widened,

"No- You know what, babe? I'm actually- I'm late for a Hellfire club meeting!" He said, glancing from the watch on his wrist up to the clock above you reading 7:30 am. It was a warm July day- school was out for the summer- he did not have a Hellfire meeting.

It was always funny seeing him like this, enamoured by something you did. One night, after you were walking home together and drunkenly singing Rocky Horror's 'There's A Light', some asshole thought it'd be funny to follow the two of you yelling insults. The alcohol had added to your enraged state, causing you to stalk up to the creep to punch him in the face. Eddie had quickly grabbed your arm and ran into the forests, but the way he had looked at you in the night made you feel warm,

 "I uh- gotta go. See you later!" Did he call you babe there? You blinked to yourself, before smirking as you watched his hair bounce as he approached the door,

"Flip the sign!" You yelled quickly, "Thanks Eds!" You grinned to yourself as he left. God, it was good seeing him again- you wanted to tell him how much you missed him but alas, your coworker had to get in the way, along with the timer on the front counter blaring loud, and the bell at the door jingling with his sudden exit. With a small sigh, you glanced at the disappointed woman as she entered, "Good morning!" You said in your best, cheery, customer service voice,  "Welcome to Sam's, how may I help you today?" And so your shift began, then seemed to drag on for excruciating hours...

Eddie had remembered to pick you up at one, even arriving a whole twenty minutes early. You could see him leaning against his van outside, nodding along to 'For Whom The Bell Tolls'  blaring obnoxiously loud from inside. His head was downcast, but he'd occasionally look around, or glance inside the shop, a cigarette perched between his two fingers that he periodically brought up to his plump lips, smoke tumbling into the air. Someone had come in a little while ago to complain about the loud music and the man outside, but you simply had to smile and say that technically, because it was a public path he was parked on, you couldn't do anything about him. You kept glancing up, and if you made eye contact, he'd smile or stick his tongue out, making faces to try and distract you as you finished up cleaning for the day. You know he'd come in, but he'd 'overstayed' his welcome, according to Sam.

Sam was an old, old-fashioned type of guy. You didn't mind him- part of you looked up to him.  He did have his own business that was as successful as anything could be in fucking Hawkins... At least he loved his home- he told you the countless stories of the establishment being an ice cream shop he ran with his wife up until Starcourt opened up. 'Scoops Ahoy' took all his profits so he had to pivot to the next best thing: smoothies. You had no clue why he didn't just make milkshakes, considering they were only a temperature difference from ice cream, but he'd simply smiled and told you 'Sam's Milkshake Bar' didn't have the same ring to it as 'Sam's Smoothie Shack'. 

Sam had always been wary of Eddie, not trusting him as he did you. You tried explaining that if he just got to know him, he'd see he was harmless. Though Sam was still cautious, never failing to mutter about 'kids these days' and their 'loud rock music' poisoning their minds. You smiled as you passed by the older man, letting him know you were off for the day and wishing him a good afternoon as you ducked into the back to hang up your apron and grab your jacket and bag,

"Got it stuck in your head, hmm?" You hummed as you exited the store, faintly hearing the jingling of the bell behind you as you left the small shop and approached him. The song had changed to your Kiss song as you approached, almost on queue. You grinned as he glanced up and saw you, appearing to light up instantly. He pushed himself up, the second cigarette he had sparked up falling to the ground and disappeared beneath his shoe,

"Your chariot awaits, my dear!!" He said loudly, moving his arms to gesture to the van you had long missed since you left Hawkins a year ago, "Go on, get in. I've got you for the rest of the day, right?" He said, pushing his hands in his pockets and coming to stand in front of you so you could hear what he was saying over the music. You opened your mouth slightly, glancing from the van back to him and tilting your head,

"For the rest of the day?" You asked amused, and raised your brows as he nodded,

"Come on- didn't you say you missed me?" You knew him. You'd been friends for so long that you could feel the twinge of hurt behind those amused words. Before you could see his face, he moved to the van and opened the passenger side door for you, letting the music grow louder and drown out your worried thoughts, "Get in!!" He yelled over the music, and being left without much choice, you just grinned, walking over to him, 

"You give me no choice, Munson," You told him, before clambering inside and throwing your bag at your feet.

He shut the door once you were inside, you let yourself glance around the van you'd spent most of the summer in. It faintly smelled like weed- you hoped he wasn't high at the moment. Eddie was a reckless driver as it was and being high surprisingly didn't make him more careful. It was still messy, but you could tell he made an effort in cleaning it for you. You turned the music down slightly so you could hear yourself think and pulled the overhead mirror down, glancing over your face to make sure your make-up was still intact after the long day. Glancing to the side, you noticed a polaroid of the two of you that was tucked into the side. It was a little older- from the darker background, you could see it was taken in Eddie's room. Both your faces were grinning back at you. You could barely remember taking it because of how greened out you were, but you couldn't deny the picture was a nice one. You could see the date the picture was taken was scrawled on the bottom, along with a small heart drawn in the corner there. You smiled softly, reaching a hand up to skim your finger over the sharpie. You jumped slightly at the sound of the door opening, 

"Snooping?" He asked, shutting the door and putting his seatbelt on, gaze flicking to the polaroid,

"Just reacquainting myself," You said, shutting the mirror and leaning back to put your own seatbelt on, "I'm so glad I'm not walking home, my feet are killing me," You sighed, getting comfortable in your seat, 

"Mmmh," He hummed, smiling as he started the car, "You should have asked me to take you," He said, glancing over at you, 

"And wake you up at four in the morning?" You raised your brows, "I'd just piss off Wayne. We both know you're a heavy sleeper, Eds," You smiled, grabbing the overhead handle as he pulled out of the spot and began driving off. He laughed softly, 

"Should have gone and thrown rocks at my window," He said, sparing you a glance. You noticed him eyeing your hand, 

"Wouldn't have worked-"

"Then you should have thrown rocks through my window," He said,

"Have you forgotten the possum incident?" You laughed as he shuddered, "Yeah,"

"Those things have to be my least favourite forest creatures," He huffed,

"You have a favourite?" You asked amused, 

"I'm not telling you," He huffed, "You can't even trust me to drive you around, "He said, glancing at your arm again,

"I would trust you if you weren't so reckless. You know, I wasn't gonna mention it but how many curbs have we hit already?" You smirked, 

"Like... Two?" You gave him a look, "...Four," You laughed softly, at his response, shaking your head and humming softly to the 'Creeping Death' playing through the speakers, 

"So is it a wolf?" You asked after a moment, and laughed at the glare he sent you, 

"I'm not answering that," He grumbled, but you laughed it off, "Hey, open the glove box for me," He hummed, and you did as he asked. There was a cassette inside which you pulled out and glanced over. In sharpie, he had written-

"'Darkest Nightmare'?" You asked amused, grinning, "You made another mixtape?"

"Uhuh- put it in, I'm kinda sick of Metallica," He sighed, and you did as he asked, grinning as he turned up the radio. As usual, his driving got worse, focusing more on the music you were yelling and screaming along to at the moment, praying the seatbelt would at least protect you from a crash. 

Somehow, you'd survived his tour of Hawkins: unsurprisingly, not too much had changed. You drove by the remnants of Starcourt and were saddened to hear of the passing of Cheif Jim Hopper. As much as the old cop loved to give you and Eddie shit for trespassing, he'd only yell at you as you sped off in the van or ran into the forest, laughing together. You were glad, because you really couldn't deal with a criminal record.

The stores along the main street were opening up again, and you eagerly started making plans for which ones you'd want to go to tomorrow. There were a few new ones that had opened up that you were eager to go into. In the meantime, Eddie filled you in on Hellfire and his campaigns, stopping at a diner and eating dinner in the van. It all felt right, and normal again, and you kept smiling fondly as he excited rambled on. Occasionally, you'd remind him of his now cold burger and fries, but he didn't seem to be listening much to you. You didn't mind- you preferred listening anyways.

Once you were done, he drove you back home in comfortable silence, enjoying the mixtape that now played a song by Megadeath you didn't recognise. The sun was setting, causing the sky to bloom in pretty colours that captured your attention. When the trees started getting thicker as you approached Forest Hills, you sighed, grabbing your stuff from the floor. You'd called the trailer park 'home' for the longer part of your life. It hadn't changed either, but you enjoyed his quiet comments on who lived where and what had changed with them. Nothing too interesting but it was nice to be informed,

"...And finally my humble abode," He said, parking the van and undoing his seatbelt,

"Damn... I really did not miss the Hills," You smiled fondly as you looked over his home, before glancing across to your own home. You hadn't realised he had gotten out until your door opened. He smiled at you, 

"Gimmie those," He said, and you gently placed the bag in his hand. He quickly extended his other hand to you, and you rolled your eyes as you took it to get out of the van,

"Thank you, oh fair, kind Sir," You said playfully, shutting the door as you got out. He grinned as he slung your bag over his shoulder, 

"Anything for you, fair one," He said as he moved behind you to lock the car. You rolled your eyes, folding the jacket over your arm as you glanced around the area, taking it in again. The playground that separated your homes looked the same, nothing having changed in the almost year you were away. Perhaps there were more cigarette butts and trash around the area but that was common here. You felt his presence near you; the familiar and pleasant scent of smoke and a forest earthiness growing stronger, "It uh... Hasn't felt the same without you here," He said surprisingly softly, and you glanced up at him, 

"Yeah," You hummed, but realised that didn't make sense, "Uh- I mean it's... Been strange. I've never been away from Hawkins for this long it's... Weird to be back," You said, sighing,

"Yeah, I get it," Eddie said, sighing, "Oh, by the way, someone finally moved into the haunted trailer next to yours," He pointed out, "You've finally got a new neighbour," You looked at the house, smiling fondly as you saw a person hanging up their laundry,

"Huh. I'm surprised Dave finally managed to rent that place out to someone," You said, digging through your pockets to produce your keys, "Oh- right," You mumbled, fiddling with the keychains, "Here!" You smiled at him as you turned to place the charm into his hands, "I had to put it on my keys so I wouldn't forget- you have no idea how stressed I was thinking I lost it back in my dorm," You breathed, smiling, 

"Holy shit," He murmured, fingers skimming over the small metal wolf head you'd gotten him, "This is cool," He grinned, "I'll put it with the others," He teased, 

"Thought you liked my keyrings," You said, twirling your keys as you began heading home, eyes flicking to your neighbour curiously, 

"I do!" He said quickly, "Thanks, a lot. I think it's really cool-" 

"Who is that?" You mumbled to him, eyeing the girl hanging up her laundry on your shared line, "Should we go say hi?" You glanced up at him with a small smile,

"Why'd anyone want to say hi to us?" Eddie asked with a chuckle, but you just rolled your eyes and approached her. Her gaze flicked to you both as you approached, and she removed her headphones from her head,

"Hello!" You said as pleasantly as you could. It was the same tone you'd use with customers to appear more friendly. You pleasantly introduced yourself, and stuck your hand out for her to shake, "I live right next door- I haven't uh... Been here though, because I've been in Franklin for college," You said as she placed her hand in yours and shook it, eyes flicking from Eddie to you with an uncertain look, "We share a line," You also added, 

"Uhuh. Yeah I know," The red-head said shortly. You grimaced, glancing at Eddie, before looking down at her. She had headphones around her neck, and you could faintly hear a song playing, "Are you guys just gonna stand there now?" She asked, and you blinked for a moment

"Are you a big fan of Kate Bush?" You asked, recognising the song,

"I guess," She said in a dejected way, shrugging as she went back to doing her chore. You glanced at her trailer before looking back at her,

"She's good, right?" You smiled, still trying to make pleasant conversation and not freak her out, "I love 'Running Up That Hill,'" She nodded once, and turned her back on you, and continued working. With a small sigh, you glanced over at Eddie, who shrugged his shoulders, "What's your name?" You asked,

"I'm Max," She said shortly, casting you a glare. With a sigh, you nodded, trying to uphold your cheery disposition,

"Cool- nice to meet you, Max," You smiled, "If you need anything, I'm nex-"

"I heard," She said coldly, casting you another look that was defiantly a glare, "Do you like bothering people when they're doing something?" She asked, 

"No, not really," You said quickly, "I'm just trying to be nice and introduce myself to my new neighbour," You frowned, "I just haven't had one in-"

"Great- be nice somewhere else, freak," She muttered, throwing a sheet over the clothing line and grabbing the now empty basket, storming back into her home,

"Damn," You frowned, "It was nice meeting you, Max!" You yelled after her, before turning back to walk to Eddie. He had walked away a little while ago and was waiting for you by your door. You stood by him with a sigh, looking down at your keys, "Wonder what's up with her?" You mumbled, "Think she got grounded or something?" You asked, glancing back at him, "Do people still ground their kids...?" You said playfully with a slight smile, though it fell quickly,

"No, don't think so," He said, walking after you into your home and removing the keys from your door, "More like her uh... Brother? No- her step-brother died in that fire at Starcourt," You nodded solemnly, glancing around your small home with a frown,

"So she's taking it out on everyone else?" You hummed, 

"Guess so," He said softly, and you heard the slight thud of your bag as he set it down on your couch,

"Guess she's tired of hearing condolences," You mumbled, eyes flicking to a photograph of your late father on the wall with a small frown. You heard the door close and the clicking of the locks as Eddie closed it for you. You muttered a small 'thank you' as you stretched your arms above your head tiredly, "Did you know him?" You asked, "This step-brother?"

"Did I know Billy Hargreeves?" He said, turning to look at you. You winced at the mention of the name, "Yeah. We did," He said solemnly. Hargreeves was new but quickly established himself as one of the worst assholes you'd ever met. You did what you could to stay out of his way because of how... Violent he usually got...

"God..." You sighed, "Well..." You mumbled, throwing your jacket over the couch and falling back on it. You still hadn't unpacked since you came back- your suitcase stood where you'd left it by the door, along with a duffle bag that was flung to the ground. You just didn't have the motivation to wash all your clothes or get unpacked... And besides, the clothing line was full, thanks to Max.  You could hear Eddie moving around behind you, rummaging through your kitchen to find something to eat, "You know I haven't been called a freak since I left Hawkins?" You said, moving a hand up to your forehead to rub at it, trying to soothe the tension and pain growing there,

"Seriously?" He asked, amusement clear in his tone, "Thought... You know, college? People there would be more..." He trailed off,

"Surprisingly, there are a lot more 'freaks' and 'goths' in the big city," You smiled, leaning your head back all the way to watch him. Eddie had shed himself of his usual jackets, hanging them up on the back of one of the two chairs so he was left in just his Hellfire shirt. He'd rolled his sleeves up so you could see the peaks of the bat swarm frozen in ink on his arm. You watched as he rummaged in your drawer, pulling out a bottle opener and hearing the clicks of two bottles opening. You sighed softly, smiling as he walked over to you, "Have I mentioned you're the best?" You grinned as you sat back up, shifting to give him some space so he could sit with you,

"Mh- you deserve something after a hard day's work," He winked playfully, clinking the bottle with you as you eagerly took a swig of the beer, humming happily as you drank the cold liquid, 

"Yeah, uhuh," You hummed between sips,

"I'd also make you something to eat but-"

"But you're banned from my kitchen," You grinned, "After you set fucking popcorn on fire-"

"It's not my fault your microwave is stupid!!" He grinned, 

"It's a normal microwave Eds! You set it to thirty minutes and not three," You both laughed, "How the fuck do you burn popcorn?" You ask between giggles,

"I guess it's a special talent of mine," He hummed, taking a sip as you continued laughing, "Anyways, you really should eat something. Knowing you and how long you take getting ready, then with the walk... I doubt you've eaten much today," He said softly, 

"When'd you become the food police, Eds?" You smiled, 

"Considering you're drinking and only ate dinner today, I don't want you to get too drunk too fast," You almost spit out your beer, 

"Eds- I'm not gonna get drunk off one beer," You smiled at him,

"Still. Better to eat and drink," He winked at you, clicking his fingers. You sighed, drinking more of your beer, "You've got nothing but drinks, babe," He added, and you glanced over at him as he took a sip, "And when did you get back?"

"Yesterday? I haven't had the time to go shopping-"

"Nope- you got here two days ago," He said, and you turned your head from where you'd been staring at the decorations you had put up to stare at him,

"How did you...?" You asked softly, and watched as he frowned softly, taking a swig before setting the bottle on the ground near your feet, "How did you know?" You asked with a frown, 

"I saw you uh... Coming home," He admitted, "Two days ago..." He said, not looking at you and instead focusing on how much beer was left in his bottle,

"I got here at, like, 3 am Eddie?" You said, blinking,

"Yeah. You did," He nodded, watching you. You were silent for a moment,

"Why were you awake at 3 am?" You asked. He briefly met your eyes, before looking away and taking a nervous, shaky breath,

"I..." His eyes darted around,

"Why didn't you-"

"Dude, who goes to someone's house at 3 am?" He said, quickly standing and walking away from you. You jumped slightly at how fast he moved, before turning your whole body so you could watch him, confused at his sudden mood change, "I didn't want to bother you since you clearly didn't..." He trailed off, back turned to you. Your eyes widened slightly,

"Eddie, what?" You stood, careful of the beer you'd nudged with your foot and following after him, "I didn't do what?" You asked, standing near the couch to give him space. He moved into your kitchen and stood by your table, leaning against it at first,

"You just-" He sighed,  sitting on top of the table, eyes focusing on the floor and watching his shoes shuffling around on the floor for a moment, before speaking "You were gone for- what? Almost a year," He said your name quietly, and you frowned from where you watched him on the couch, "I mean, what was I supposed to think?"

"I wrote letters to you," You said, "I sent you packages and letters as much as I could- we never stopped talking," You said,

"But you didn't visit," He said with a frown, glancing up at you. He couldn't hold the eye contact, and found himself looking away quickly, again. He folded his arms across his chest, "What was I supposed to think? My best friend just... Didn't want to hang out with me anymore?" He shrugged. From the dim, setting sunlight shining inside, you could see his eyes twinkling with tears, and you could feel your heart constrict for him in your chest,

"I wrote to you explaining why I couldn't go," You said defensively, walking closer to him, "Fuck, Eds, I don't have the damn money to be driving back and forth between Franklin and Hawkins!" You said louder than intended, "It wasn't about not wanting to hang out with you, it was about saving money-"

"Okay- I get that," He said sharply, "But my point is... What else do you have here?" He glanced at you, "You and I both hate this place, we made plans all the time to get out of Hawkins- you got out and I stayed behind, I-"

"Eddie, I couldn't stay here another fucking year waiting for you to graduate," You tried, coming to stand in front of him, "You... We both know how awful living here is. This small town will only see us as... Freaks and... Damned devil worshipers when we're not-"

"Right- of course!" He said sarcastically, throwing his hands up and laughing coldly, "I'm sorry, I just thought that if you got the privilege to leave Hawkins, it'd at least... Be with me," He said, looking into your eyes. His wide, brown eyes bore into yours and were tinted slightly pink. A few tears slipped down his reddened cheeks and you could faintly see the tremble in his lips. He'd folded his arms again and was digging his fingernails into his forearms, knuckles going white and small crescents appearing in his skin. You blinked, opening your mouth to say something, but closed it,

"Eddie..." You said softly, watching him move his head to look away from you. Seeing another tear rolling down his cheek, you reached a hand up to try and wipe it off of his face without thinking. He quickly flinched, slapping your hand away with his and shaking his head, leaving you shocked,

"Fuck," He hissed, and stood abruptly, making you back away. He reached to the side, grabbing his jean jacket from the chair, "Forget about it," You heard him mutter his name,

"Eddie!" You yelled after him as he moved quickly to your door, fumbling with your keys to unlock it, "Eddie what is going on- talk to me please," You begged, 

"I said forget about it, okay?" He turned sharply. You stared at him, never seeing him so hurt with you before. You really didn't know what to do, and instead stared at him as you both stared at one another, 

"But- Eddie!" You yelled out of your door as he quickly turned away and began walking away, "Stop running from me- Eddie!" You called again, wincing at how your voice echoed through the park. But he didn't turn. He just walked home faster.

You felt frozen in place, staring after him as his hair fluttered behind him dramatically. You opened your mouth to call after him again, but quickly closed it, feeling tears brimming in your eyes as you disappeared inside. You could hear the door slamming behind him, and you quickly shut your own door, falling back against it as you let your tears fall,

"What the fuck?" You breathed, blinking rapidly. In all the years you knew Eddie, you never... Fought like this: where you were both too distraught to even want to look at one another, or solve the problem. He had never run from you. You had never... Been the problem. 

Hours passed but your mind was still occupied with Eddie and the fight. Your mind was always occupied with Eddie, but you were never worried for him like this... You tried distracting yourself by going grocery shopping before the sun would completely set. The burn in your legs as you walked into town helped- at least that was a physical pain and not... Ugh.

The pain in your arms accompanied you on your way home, and you found yourself regretting your decision to walk. Maybe you should have waited until things cooled off with Eddie so you could at least catch a ride here and there. The ice cream you had bought would surely be melted by now- what made you want ice cream anyways? You also couldn't buy any beer or vodka to take the pain away, so unless you wanted to see the one person you really didn't want to right now, you'd have to... Reconcile your emotions...

Okay.

Eddie was obviously upset you had left, but why on Earth was he pissed off at you? It wasn't your choice to leave- you'd sent your applications together... Though you never saw his, he had drunkenly admitted to you that he'd failed his final year days later and would have to stay in Hawkins to repeat it. He'd said it casually and whenever you mentioned it, he'd just wave it off like it wasn't a big deal to him. It had made you sad to know he wouldn't be leaving with you, but he never... Saw it as a big deal. Or made it look like that.

Did he think you left because of him? Eddie always ran from his problems- that's just what he did. If he knew he wasn't able to pass a quiz, he wouldn't show up for it; if he knew he couldn't finish a project in time, he wouldn't submit anything. You were there for all his failures, and tried supporting him through them, but he'd always make the same comment about 'education not defining him' or the 'project being stupid' and 'pointless'. You never realised how... Bad it was for him...

And perhaps it didn't help that you came home and didn't speak a word to him for the two days. It was purely overwhelming being back in a town where every person you passed cast you disgusted looks simply for how you'd dress or do your make-up. What was strange to them was scary, but it made you feel unwelcome and unwanted in a place that was supposed to be home. It's why you hated it in Hawkins. All you had here was Eddie. You sought comfort in your shared strangeness and unwillingness to conform to society- their 'shunning' hurt less when you were together. You had his comfort.

But you should be angry at him too- he was mad at you for something out of your control, and that hurt. If you could have left with him, you would. Why did he not realise that? You spoke about leaving Hawkins all the time... With a sigh, you flexed your fingers, looking over the empty grocery bags now on the floor of your kitchen. You were done unpacking those, and now had nothing to do. You glanced over at the waiting suitcase and duffle. If you were unpacking groceries you might as well make yourself at... home. Briefly, you glanced up at the window, and froze, noticing the very man your brain was occupied by.

A long plume of smoke left his lips, swirling into the dark sky. The end of the blunt he had rolled faintly glowed orange as he took a drag. He was faintly illuminated by the lights around the area, and you could see his shoulders sag as he looked down. You could faintly hear the sound of his shoes kicking against the metal dome structure of the park you both frequently found yourselves in on your peaks or come downs. You'd lay back on the grass together, staring at the multitude of stars, or giggling and shushing one another as you tried to fit into the tiny seats of the swingset...

 He was sitting in just his vest, the pins glittering in the night- you could see from where you were that he'd pulled the sleeves of the Hellfire shirt down over his arms to fight the chill of the night. You glanced over your shoulder to your kitchen table and sighed- he forgot to take his jacket with him...

You grabbed it, pulling it over your shoulders and allowing yourself to breathe in his scent. You weren't sure of calling Hawkins your physical home, but you were sure that Eddie's smell was the closest you'd ever feel to describing home... At least now you had an incentive to go make up with him again. Ha... Ha...

Silently, you shuffled to your door, picking the keys up you had dropped. You allowed yourself a moment to gather your thoughts, before stuffing the keys into the pocket of the leather, enjoying the feeling of it brushing against your skin again. As you opened the door, you found Eddie right outside, muttering to himself and seemingly doing the same thing you were a moment ago. You both jumped back slightly in surprise at finding the other person in the same place, and for a moment, you both stared, unmoving and unspeaking. Until finally, you opened your mouth,

"Uh," You tried, clearing your throat and looking down for a moment, "You uh... Got any more blunts we could... Share?" You asked him uncertainly, glancing back up at him. You could still see his face was red in the faint light from inside your home. He had been crying too. He only gave you a small nod, still silent as you turned the lights inside your home off and locked the door behind you. 

Together, you walked to the park again, still lost in your own heads and silent. Your eyes flicked to him and you watched him as he sat beside you in your usual spot on top of the dome. His movements were slow and careful as he handed over a roughly rolled blunt and lighter,

 "Thanks," You said, picking the blunt up in your fingers and reaching for the lighter, only to have him pull it into his grasp and lighting it. Carefully, you lit the blunt and took a drag, "Thanks," You breathed again as you handed it over for him to take a hit of, 

"No problem-" His voice was shaky, "Shit," He whispered. You glanced over at him, noticing one of his hands still shaking. He had this far-away look in his eye that made you fill with a deep sadness for him, 

"I'll uhm... Start," You said softly, glancing behind you and carefully setting your hands on the poles of the dome and grabbing on to them to steady yourself. With a sigh, you began, "Okay," You closed your eyes, nodding your head to collect your thoughts, before speaking, "I'm sorry. For not seeing you as soon as I got back, Eddie. It's just... It's been a lot being back here in Hawkins. You know how bad being here makes me feel, and finding out I might be getting evicted and getting back into a job, I just..." You sighed deeply, "I know you're mad at me for leaving and not talking to you and stuff but... I have responsibilities now," You explained, looking up at him. He was listening but not looking at you, focused on rolling the blunt between his fingers as it smouldered idly, "I'm an adult. I have to... Live. Pay bills, make money... That shit," You said, reaching forwards and taking the blunt from him, taking a drag, "It's just been a lot. I did want to spend time with you just... I wanted to wait until I got everything figured out," You concluded, nodding solemnly, "I didn't mean to make you feel like I... Didn't want to see you or anything," You frowned. 

From beside you, Eddie sighed, and you could see his hair shaking as he nodded to your final statement. It took a moment for him to say anything- he shifted first, moving so he could rest his hands on his knees and clasp his hands together, pressing them to his mouth, 

"Shit," He sighed, pressing his hands to his forehead, "That's... Yeah," He nodded. You stared at him, waiting for him to speak, but frowning as he didn't,

"What's up?" You asked, 

"Well, whatever I'm gonna say is gonna sound fucking pointless compared to you," He sighed, sparing you a glance. You frowned at him, shifting so you could look at him better, only for Eddie to turn his head away from you again. You delicately placed a hand on his shoulder,

"Eds, no I'm not gonna..." You sighed, "If you don't run away from me again, I'm not... Gonna find it pointless," You said, patting him gently. You tilted your head to try and appear in his field of vision and gave him an encouraging smile. He grimaced at you, fully turning his head to look back to his trailer, before sighing. You felt him relax under your touch slightly, and turn his head slightly to look at you, 

"We just..." He sighed, "I missed you so much," He breathed, and you saw the tears quickly rolling down his face, "And after we'd talked so much about... Leaving Hawkins behind- together," He looked at you, eyes finding yours quickly, "It was always together. Leaving, and living together somewhere. Working... Together," He rambled, "And then... Watching you leave without me... It made me realise that... Fuck," He sighed,

"You can say it, Eds," You said softly. He shook his head slightly, and as you opened your mouth to encourage him again, you felt his shoulder move. He took your hand in his, bringing it down to rest on the cool metal below you. You watched, curiously, as he moved his hand so he was holding yours,

"It made me realise that we've... Spent the better parts of our lives together. It made me realise how much losing you hurt me- and that terrified me," He spoke your name worriedly, and lifted an arm to wipe his wet face, "And made me realise that I never wanted to lose you again," He rambled suddenly, his words making your heart thunder in your chest, "And when you wrote saying that you weren't gonna be back for the summer, the winter, and the spring..." He breathed shakily, "I knew it was because you had nothing left here and I guess a part of me thought you meant me too..." He sniffled, "It made me realise I uhm... Actually want to finish school now-" He laughed to himself, "-So I can finally leave and... Find you again- be with you again, like we always were... I mean, sure I can pretend to be confident, and fine without you- God knows I've had practice with that with Hellfire, but-" He took a deep breath to steady himself, "Pretending to be fine without you just made me miss you way more," He said, breathing shakily, "It... Made me realise I..." The words died on his tongue momentarily, and he just sighed, "I think I'm in love with you," He confessed.

For a moment it felt like time stood still, your eyes captured by his, your breath stuck in your throat as those words left his mouth. You blinked a few times and let the blunt fall from your hand, tumbling to the ground. Your now empty hand balled, your nails dug into your palm to wake you up from this most pleasant of dreams. Your own eyes rapidly filled with tears: here was your best friend, who you have loved and pined over for so long, admitting he finally felt the same for you as you felt for him the moment you first met him,

"And I know you might not feel the same for me, and that's fine," He rambled on, seemingly not realising you were completely dumbfounded by his words, "But I just need you to know that I love you and-"

You quickly pressed your lips to his to silence him, and it took him a moment to register what was happening, causing him to let out a startled 'mmph!' as your lips touched. It was a moment before you felt Eddie's lips moving against yours. Your hands moved up to touch his cheeks, skin gentle yet wet with tears against your hands you pulled him closer. His own hands soon moved to your arms, holding you in place so gently, that when you parted, tears spilled down your face too. You let out a gentle laugh,

"Eddie, you big stupid idiot," You smiled at him, moving a thumb over his cheek to swipe a tear rolling down his face, "I think I love you too," You said, "Don't you think if I could, I wouldn't spend all my time with you?" You said softly, 

"Yeah," He breathed, appearing starstruck, round eyes darting over your face for any sign of a lie, 

"Yeah," You grinned back, gripping his hand and shaking it a little, "Dumbass," You said affectionately, 

"But I thought-"

"Thought what?" You quickly said, "I didn't feel the same?" He nodded slowly, "Eddie..."

"I didn't think you wanted to be around me anymore," He admitted softly, "I thought... You know. You'd find new people out in Franklin and you wouldn't need me anymore," He said softly, looking at you now, 

"Oh, Eddie," You said softly, squeezing his hand gently, "I guarantee no one could ever replace you," You assured him, "Besides? It's what? Only a matter of time before you find out if you passed your exams and then you'll move up to Franklin with me," You said softly, 

"You want me up there with you?" He asked uncertainly,

"Of course, Eddie," You said, "Those dorms suck. If we got a place together and split the rent somewhere close, I think it'd work out," You said softly, squeezing his hand again. He stared at you for a moment, before smiling slightly and leaning forward to kiss you again. You smiled against his lips, tilting your head to kiss him better and moving your hand back to touch his face gently, 

"I've uh..." He said softly as he pulled away just enough to speak, his forehead touching yours, "I've wanted to do that for a long time," He said, breathily. He then whispered your name, and you smiled,

"Well, I'm glad you finally did... Babe," You said with a smile, happy to hear him laugh. He glanced down at your joint hands, and brought them up to his face to kiss your knuckles. The act made your eyes widen and you quickly moved your hand from his to put both hands on his face and pull him close, kissing him again. It was almost like now you'd started, you never wanted to stop...

"Ew," You heard from the blue. You jumped, turning to stare at Max, who was leaning against the flimsy metal of the fence surrounding the park and frowning at you two, "Do you always cry when you kiss?" She asked as you whipped away the tears on your face,

"No," You quickly said, "We're just... Having an emotional moment, okay?" You said with a small laugh,

"Yeah, you spying on us, kid?" You heard Eddie say from beside you, and when you removed your hands from your eyes, you could see he had slid off the structure and was waiting for you with a hand outstretched. Ever the gentleman... Gently, you slid your hand into his, moving off the structure and glancing down at the grass, making sure the blunt had been put out, before tightening your hold on Eddie's hand, 

"What're you doing out here anyway?" You asked, turning to look at her. She shrugged, putting her headphones back on and turning on her heel,

"I'm going on a walk," She mumbled, taking a few steps away from you,

"But it's dark?" You said, moving forward with Eddie still holding you close,

"Yeah, kid, it's not safe," He chimed in, and you glanced up at him with a slight smile, 

"Why do you two care? Don't you have more crying and kissing to do?" She said coldly, and involuntarily, you let out a snort. You covered your mouth quickly, but Eddie had heard, and began to laugh, 

"Shut up, Eds," You grinned, before glancing back at Max, "You're funny, kid-"

"I don't need babysitters," She said, "I'm not a kid, either," She huffed, but you were already hopping over the fence and following after her, 

"Sure you do!" You grinned, stuffing your hands into the pockets of Eddie's leather jacket and glancing over as you felt him looping arms with you, 

"Yeah, we'll chase the monsters away k- Max," He said, and though she sent you two a glare, it made you feel better knowing you were going after her and ensuring she was safe. Besides- she had her headphones on and walkman playing a tape. She couldn't hear you and Eddie talking and laughing as you caught up on all you had missed when you were apart. Finally, you were together again, and now that you'd confessed you loved him and begun eagerly planning your future together, you hoped he wouldn't feel as alone as he did without you.

[kujojotarolover]

v for Jotaro for the flower prompts?

cw: Yandere Themes, Stalking, Obsessive Thoughts / Nature, Angst, Allusions to Dire Situations in the Future, Graphic Descriptions, Mental Breakdown, General Dark Themes not Suitable for Immature Audiences. Reader-Insert, Gender Neutral, Implied Pre-Part 4taro. Uncomfortable scenarios included, read at your own discretion! 18+ ONLY!

author's note: This is the first time I've posted dark content to this account. Please do be safe and practice caution when reading this ficlet. Jotaro is super weird and creepy in this. These "Yandere Prompts Flower Language" were written and coined by @/nanasparadise (not tagging because I'm unsure if she is okay with that). The original post can be located here. I do not condone unhealthy behavior in any sense! This is not a good situation depicted and make sure you keep yourself safe IRL! I hope you enjoy this!

PROMPT: Venus Flytrap (deceit): "Afraid of what you're seeing now, sweetheart?"

word count: Approximately 2k

Down the hall, shadowed in darkness, loomed Jotaro’s room. 

Your hands wrang together nervously—but you don’t quite understand why! 

Kujo Jotaro has been your roommate for years now. He’d moved in with you after you’d earned your bachelor’s degree. Jotaro and you were both currently on the paths for doctoral and master’s, respectively. You had met him during one of your miscellaneous curriculum classes in your first year; the two of you had hit it off pretty well, college housing was pricey, and you both wanted to attempt standing on your own two feet. 

So… why now? Why did you feel all jittery whenever you glanced at his closed door? 

Maybe. Maybe it’s because you ended up feeling too cushioned. Jotaro was an excellent roommate, plus he was super nice to you as well—of course, as nice as a quiet, stoic man of few words could be. Not a single problem had risen, nor had a spat. The two of you schmoozed along nicely. You thought Jotaro was a great companion. But… Okay, no. That’s not a very good train of thought to get lost on. 

Still, you can’t help but ponder. 

Jotaro’s kind of eccentric, that’s definitely a given. But it’s something you’ve come to love and appreciate about him. It’s endearing, honestly. The way he moves soundlessly, like the ebb and flow of the ocean. You think it’s ironic, but you push that thought aside as you derail even more. Because, well, it’s not his ‘lone wolf’, ‘Texas Ranger’ attitude that makes your stomach feel queasy now. 

You’ve tried not to say anything about this, because how the hell were you supposed to bring up something like that in a conversation? Even if you’d politely request an intervention, you don’t think you have what it takes to handle such intensity. Yet, the question still daunts. 

Where are all of your belongings disappearing to? 

At first, it was the little things. A notebook with some loose doodles, some cheap chapstick that made your lips taste like wintergreen mint, the pillow case that you didn’t really use often but had recently decided to wash so that a rancid smell doesn’t set in and linger. Those were nothing to bat an eye over. Miniscule. Things that didn’t really matter if they disappeared… 

until it was more than just that. 

Your favorite soaps. Your toothbrush. Your worn-out shirts. Your favorite blanket that you’ve had with you since childhood! 

your undergarments. 

But, see, ohhh, no. Nooo. You can’t just bring up something like that! casually. So… you—stupidly—didn’t. Until, well, let’s just say you noticed something today. 

It was early in the afternoon, right before Jotaro would leave for his specialized class and right after lunch was finished. You had generously offered to handle his dirty dishes because the stew you had made accidentally broiled for longer than you’d originally wanted, so Jotaro was a few minutes behind schedule. He had thanked you with a curt nod of his head and a grunt, while pushing in his chair with a free hand. You had turned your head. 

And it wasn’t like you were trying to purposefully sneak a look at Jotaro! No, your head just happened to swivel at the wrong place at the wrong time and you saw it. At first, you almost couldn’t believe yourself, either. Your head cracked slightly at how fast it whipped back around as your eyes squinted, afraid that what you’d originally seen was merely a trick of the light. Upon further inspection… your knee-jerk reaction was correct. 

That was the pair of underwear you had thrown into the dirty-clothes hamper this morning!! 

You had swallowed and snapped your eyes back to attention, but Jotaro was already looking through your very being. Until you blinked in surprise and Jotaro’s face seemed neutral once again. The hand that lay across the back of the kitchen table chair fell away and stuffed itself into the pocket that you swore held a pair of your briefs. The sound of shuffling clothing filled the sudden tense cloud of silence that permeated the air. You had awkwardly cleared your throat with a shy smile before hiding your expression behind your shoulder as you turned back to the sink and busied yourself with the dishes.

Jotaro absconded without a single word. 

Yet now, even though you knew he wasn’t home, you could still feel his seafoam green eyes boring into you. Swallowing you up like an angry whirlpool. Lost to sea. You suppress the shudder that threatens to tear through you as you finally take a step down the hall. Towards Jotaro’s room. You don’t want to be a peeping tom, don’t want to intrude on his privacy, but… you need to know. 

For your own sake, peace of mind, and sanity. Besides, it’s not like you’re going to ruffle through all of Jotaro’s belongings and memorize them or steal them or whatever creeps like to do. This is just going to be a quick scan, a brief peruse of his room to see if you can see anything of yours tucked away in there. Not that you’re hoping to find your stuff there! It’s, um, well… context clues can only provide so much. And, unfortunately for Jotaro, the odds don’t look like they’re in his favor. 

This wouldn’t take long, not at all. Your steps were light and flowery down the hall, almost like a mock prance and you felt silly just flouncing towards Jotaro’s room; but, the idea of remaining undetected and wispy felt too pressing to take any actual bounds. 

By the time you managed to reach Jotaro’s door, your heart was racing a mile a minute and you found it hard to control your breathing. Why did this make you so antsy? Maybe you didn’t want this to be true. You didn’t want your amazing roommate, and dear friend, to turn out this way. Jotaro wasn’t a… a pervert, right? No. You couldn’t even fathom it. 

You lifted your arm and gingerly placed your palm on the doorknob. A heavy, stuttering breath swelled your chest and you wheezed it out with chubby cheeks. Faint tears pricked your eyes and you winked them away. You had to do this. You needed to know. And that was your resolve. 

The doorknob twisted with a metallic scratch before it softly clicked and you pushed the door ajar. 

Jotaro’s room gazed back at you. It was completely spotless, everything was tucked away in its rightful place and you felt like a total and utter boob standing in the threshold. His bed was made neatly, desk organized, bookshelves categorized—even his little oceanic sea animal figurines were in order! Nothing was standing out. The impending feeling of silliness made your chest feel funny and your throat tickled in a hot burn as you averted your gaze to his carpeted floor. Not quite crystal white, but definitely not anything off model. 

You shuffled your feet and reached for the doorknob again. There was no way you could pilfer through his belongings when they all looked like this. Jotaro’s eye was too keen and he’d notice right away if something was off. You don’t want him to be suspicious of you, nor do you want this momentary anxiety to spark a full-blown fight. A sigh left your lips. 

Once your hand touched the doorknob to pull it shut again, you did one final sweep as you swiveled your head back around sluggishly. 

That’s when you saw it. 

You stopped dead in your tracks. Every muscle in your body was poised, taut and ready to sprint away in a flurry should danger pop out at you. Your heart was loud in your ears, roaring like the stormy waves of the sea. The pulse of each beat was thumping against your clenched fist, but you couldn’t breathe. Because you saw it. There, right there. Underneath Jotaro’s closet door. Poking out. Extremely visible. 

That was one of your shirts! 

One of the ones that you’d assume was swallowed up by the washer or dryer a couple of weeks ago. The wad of clothing made your vision vertiginous and you thought everything was spinning as you attempted to find your breath. No way. Jotaro couldn’t do this. He’s too calculated. Too smart. Too neat to just leave this out, right where you could waltz right on it and fucking see it. 

You wonder if this was on purpose. Then, you began to actually really ponder if maybe Jotaro did this morning on purpose, too. Your hand felt like jelly as it slid weightlessly off the knob, dropping like a brick to your side as you vacuously began staggering for Jotaro’s closet. You know this was so stupid to do. What if he laced his door knobs with rohypnol or fentanyl—or your belongings—and you’d soon fall into a state of semi-consciousness and Jotaro would be there, lurking. 

Bile crept up your throat, but you thickly swallowed the slimy lump back down with a wince as you approached the closet. Your eyes were locked on it, refusing to look anywhere else as you stopped before its foreboding glory. Could you have misjudged your roommate this entire time? Was Kujo Jotaro really just a very composed, intelligent, and patient psychopath? Did he worm his way into your life on purpose? What did he want to do to you? With you? 

Did Jotaro even care about you? 

You’re feeling sicker and sicker by the moment, and you’re sure that the lightheaded sensation making you stumble and dry sob is your mind running wild. 

But you clumsily grapple for the closet door and begin to slide it open. 

Humming that is unbelievable suffocates your ears and you feel like you’re already on the verge of passing out once you manage to see inside. 

You drop to your fucking knees and you gape in horror. 

What you see is everything that’s gone missing in the past couple of months. Shirts, shoes, pillow cases, blankets, postcards, notebooks, mail, toiletries, underwear, and you swear to the fucking Gods—please tell me that clump of hair isn’t from your damn hairbrush. 

Tears that welled in the corners of your eyes finally swooned like a gale and streamed down your face in torrential torrents. Like a fucking bog. Tears, snot, saliva. You released it all as you had a meltdown at the foot of Jotaro’s closet. Your hand was outstretched, flexing and clawing out as you desperately willed yourself to touch something, anything. But you’re bawling your eyes out and your vision is so hazy that you feel your body involuntarily fold before sinking to the ground. Unreal, this is unreal. 

Why did Jotaro have all of these things? What does he want with you? Oh, for fuck’s sake, is he obsessed with you? Is this why he’s stolen these items? Is that why you can feel his eyes piercing through you right now? 

You hiccup as you realize that you’re not alone anymore. 

Clapping like a mousetrap, your head snaps around and you jerk upward to lay on your hip. Your eyes trail from black socks, to white dress pants, to a colorful vest, all the way up to Jotaro’s intensely turquoise eyes. And you feel your heart plummet into your belly as Jotaro sighs, places both of his hands into the pockets of his pants, and leans forward. 

“Good Grief. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.” Is all Jotaro comments as he fans his clothed feet out and glances off to the side. 

You sniffle and swallow, “J-Jotaro, what is this. What are you doing? Wh-Why did you do this?” 

You can’t comprehend it, and you tremble when Jotaro sleazes forward. 

His eyes fixate on you again and you see them dilate. 

“Afraid of what you’re seeing now, sweetheart?” Your breath hitches in your throat as Jotaro stops before your fallen body, squats, and gives you the faintest hints of a friendly smile. 

“Because this is just the beginning.”

[tyonfs]

i like me better (when i’m with you)

PAIRING ▸ jeong jaehyun x fem!reader 

GENRES ▸ friends to enemies to lovers, college au, sports, friends with benefits, smut, crack, fluff 

WARNINGS ▸ sexual !! tension !! lots of it, smut (public sex, fingering, hate sex, raw sex, pool sex, oral sex), mark lee cockblocking, also yes, there’s actual fluff

SUMMARY ▸ there was no one else on the planet that made your blood boil like jeong jaehyun did. you never thought your feelings toward him were anything past pure hatred, but when you were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body, you couldn’t help but think that maybe a part of you didn’t completely hate his guts. 

PLAYLIST ▸ i like me better by lauv • unravel me by sabrina claudio

WORD COUNT ▸ 11896 words

TAG LIST ▸ @gotoartistprofile @chanluster​ @steamyjaehyun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ big shoutout to fia for hyping me up to complete this and i hope you guys enjoy it !! thank you so much for reading ♡ part of the dunk shot! series but can be read separately!

SOMETIMES, THE AMOUNT OF HATRED YOU HAD FOR JEONG JAEHYUN AMAZED YOU.

To the average human being, Jeong Jaehyun was, in a sense, perfect. On the surface, he was everyone’s trademark Golden Boy—good grades, athletic, and a seemingly good personality. The last point, however, was a complete and utter lie. Simply put, Jaehyun was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you, unfortunately, wound up becoming his target.

If it weren’t for your love for cheerleading, you probably would never have to see Jaehyun, but your passion came with a price. Competitors were often asked a series of questions, and these questions typically included inquiring about your hardships as an athlete. If someone were to ask you what the hardest part of being a cheerleader was, your answer would not be what they expected.

It wasn’t getting back up after bad falls that left you with bruises and a concussion. It wasn’t dealing with the basketball team’s aftermath of a devastating loss and having to cheer them on through it. It wasn’t waking up extra early for morning practices, or having to push yourself to run miles in the sweltering heat. Hell, it wasn’t even dealing with the horny basketball team members at afterparties.

It was the annual training camp.

Every winter, the team attended a week-long training session along with several other teams in the city. With state-of-the-art facilities and a massive training center, the training camp was an event that the entire team looked forward to. Although the training was brutal, the luxury of the hotel rooms and the gourmet meals had made up for all of that. Yet, despite all of that, the camp itself was still hell for you.

It wasn’t all bad, though. In fact, you indulged in the concept of a training camp, delighted with the opportunity to meet cheerleaders from different universities. A handful of your friends from high school had joined teams at different universities, so it was exciting to get to see them all again. All in all, it was the whole package deal: friends, your favorite sport, and fun times. What could possibly ruin that?

Well, a certain someone by the name of Jeong Jaehyun could, and that wonderful individual incensed your fury quite like no other.

“You again,” you spat, clutching your duffel bag strap. You had just gotten off the bus to head into the hotel, but the devil himself was blocking your way.

“Y/N,” the devil cooed, “do you need help carrying that?”

“I’m fine.”

You shrugged Jaehyun off and tried to move past him, but the bane of your existence had other plans. He tossed you a small carton of milk; it was the kind you could buy at a vending machine. Your reflexes kicked in just in time for you to catch it, giving him a questioning look.

“You should be drinking more milk, Y/N. It’s good for you,” Jaehyun said. You were sure he was going to make a snide comment so you opened your mouth to protest, but he continued, “Jaemin likes big tits, you know?”

Ouch.

You and Jaehyun went farther back than you’d like to admit. While you did currently attend different universities, you had the joyous experience of going to the same high school as him. He wasn’t too different now; he had the same dimpled smile, the same godly features, and the same cocky smirk when things were going the way he planned. What was different was that you two were once friends.

And what took the cake? You had a big crush on his friend and fellow teammate. Introducing Na Jaemin, everyone.

It wasn’t like you never got over Jaemin, but you had to admit that your heart still fluttered pitifully whenever you saw him. It didn’t help that he was so breathtakingly beautiful, so undeniably genuine, and such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Jaehyun knew of your little secret. Being the conniving little snake he was, he used it to his advantage.

Ever since your fallout with him in your senior year of high school, you’ve hated Jeong Jaehyun, and you were sure he hated you right back. It almost felt akin to the competition at this point, and you were a pretty sore loser. Honestly, you were sad initially when he broke off your friendship in senior year and threw crude insults at you. You normally didn’t let things get to you, but it hurt to hear that your best friend didn’t want anything to do with you after you had told him you were going to a different university. You were sure the both of you had grown past that, but now he had changed from a sincere highschooler to a complete low-life piece of shit.

“You’re a douche, Jaehyun,” you sneered.

A grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I know.”

You scoffed. “God, if I could, I would smash that pretty face into—”

“Hey!” a loud voice laced with trepidation interjected. It was your best friend on your school’s basketball team, Mark Lee, coming to your rescue; or, rather, he was trying to prevent you from doing something you’d most probably regret. He shot Jaehyun a warning look and slung an arm around your shoulders. “Y/N, what’re you doing here? We have to check into our hotel rooms.”

You looked back at Jaehyun to see a smug look on his face before he turned to catch up to Taeyong and Jaemin. You looked back up at Mark, who was also keeping an eye out for the demon in disguise.

“Thanks for getting me out of that mess,” you mumbled. “That guy is so infuriating. I can’t believe he still brings up Jaemin when I’m clearly over him!”

Your words were sharp enough that Mark and the people around you flinched, even if they weren’t completely paying attention to your rant. It was common knowledge that Jaehyun’s presence left you in low spirits, and Mark had come to terms that you would always be in a bitter mood during the training camp, and that there was only one person to blame for it.

Mark shot you a sympathetic look that you knew was intended to show his helpfulness, but instead just served to make you appear all the more bitter.

“Why don’t you just ignore him?” he suggested. “He’s just looking for a reaction out of you.”

“If I let him get the last word, then he wins.”

“At least he’d stop bothering you,” Mark reasoned as you both made your way to where your team had gathered by the reception desk.

“Is this about Jaehyun again?” Zhong Chenle chimed in, a devilish grin plastered across his face. “You’re a handful, Y/N.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you snapped.

Chenle just stared at you, arching a brow as if the answer should have been obvious. “You and Jaehyun,” he said, “there’s some tension there.”

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes. Observant, aren’t you?” you spat, words dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve hated each other for years. Of course there’s tension.”

Johnny Suh snorted, averting his gaze as to not bring attention to himself. Chenle rolled his eyes, a delighted smile on his face as he watched you carefully, digging into his bag of chips in the meantime.

“Y/N, I think he means a different kind of tension,” Mark said.

“What kind of tension?” you asked, shocking the rest of them with your surprisingly innocent response. In retrospect, it was more because you couldn’t imagine the answer being anything past the realm of hatred.

While they all hesitated to respond, Johnny spoke up, “He meant the ‘I wanna beat you up and then have rough sex with you’ kind of tension.”

You immediately froze—long enough for Chenle to take a picture of your reaction—the expression on your face a cross between incredulity and visceral rage. You must have looked like a ticking time bomb because Mark had to take a cautious step back.

“Come again? Rough sex?” You were well aware of how strangled and pitched your voice sounded as soon as it escaped your lips, how guilty it sounded, but you couldn’t focus on that as the weight of Johnny’s words were sinking in. “Jaehyun and I?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Johnny answered.

“That’s a lie.”

“Yeah? Then why do you two always look at each other so weird?”

You didn’t know how to defend yourself now so you just said, “He’s a bastard and I would never see him in any other way.”

“You say that now but we all know—”

“Alright, let’s drop it,” Mark said, trying to defuse the situation before you blew it up into an argument. “I would rather go rest in my hotel room rather than bear witness to a homicide.”

“Fine, fine,” Johnny relented.

You scoffed and jabbed at his foot with yours before letting the topic go. Your squabbles with them were all in good nature, but this one somehow put you off. It was like Johnny had planted the seeds and were waiting for them to grow. You were starting to mull over every interaction you’ve had with Jeong Jaehyun.

Johnny and Chenle had made a startlingly accurate observation. You and Jaehyun did look at each other for a little too long sometimes, nearly to the point where it seemed like you were basking in the attention of the other—

No fucking way.

You were not going down that path. There was nothing more to your relationship with Jeong Jaehyun than pure hatred and resentment. He was a douchebag who was intent on making you feel like shit. His only motive was to start shit again between you and Jaemin, who you would’ve completely forgotten by now if it weren’t for him.

No way. There was absolutely no undercurrent of desire that was creeping its way to be uncovered.

Or was there? a small, treacherous part of your mind offered.

You were lost in your thoughts as the coaches handed you your room key, as you waited for your roommate who was some girl named Eunha from the other school, as you made your way to your room on the fifth floor.

The only thing you could think about were those long stares, those mesmerizing eyes, and the implication behind them. You always attributed it to Jaehyun being a hormonal teenage boy, but you had to admit that you’ve seen him look at you with some semblance of lust. Perhaps that same feeling was buried far in the depths of your consciousness, too.

Could you possibly be attracted to the devil incarnate, Jeong Jaehyun?

No, you argued with yourself, and shit, even your frontal lobe sounded pretty unconvinced. He’s a petty bastard and that’s all he’ll ever be.

You instilled the mantra of you and Jaehyun being sworn enemies in your head, but you couldn’t help the fact that it was peppered by the memories of an irritatingly familiar smirk. You scowled, willing your head to get rid of all-things-Jeong-Jaehyun, but he was right there.

Literally.

He was standing right in front of you.

“Hey, neighbor,” he teased, all too satisfied with the horrified look on your face. “Guess you can’t get rid of me.”

You were falling when you jolted awake.

A groan tore its way past your lips. You made sure you didn’t disrupt Eunha’s sleep before you recounted your dream. It had been a while since you’ve had one, and realization was morphing into shame when you realized what kind of dream it was. You’ve never had a wet dream before but what made you want to astral project yourself into oblivion was when you realized that Jaehyun caused it.

After tossing and turning for a couple of minutes in a desperate attempt for sleep to overcome you once more, you came to terms with the fact that you were staying awake for now. Staying awake was worse, though, because there was no way you could keep the intruding thoughts at bay. Not with the way Jeong Jaehyun kept flashing behind your eyelids, at least.

You considered how to spend the rest of your night, surveying your options as you stared up at the ceiling:

Watch season three of Riverdale on Netflix so you could make fun of it.

Attempt to sleep, but with little success because there was no way you were going back to bed after that dream.

Count the slacks of the window’s blinds even though it would be pointless because what the fuck were you going to do with that information?

It was truly astounding how interesting your life was.

You couldn’t think clearly with Eunha’s soft snoring, so you grabbed your keys and pushed the door open carefully to keep it from squealing. After your delicate movements to escape your room quietly, you leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of relief. You weren’t too keen on someone scolding you in the middle of the night for being outside, but you needed to clear your head somewhere. You packed for weather that was balmy, but the air conditioner carried a bite to it that made you wish you hadn’t just worn shorts and a tank top to bed.

You could practically hear Mark mocking you if he were here: Are you in the right headspace, Y/N?

You shook your head, getting your provoking best friend out of there, but instead, you found yourself wandering into dangerous territory again.

Johnny and Chenle were parroting the same words over and over again in your head. You wished you could use your metaphysical hands in your head and squeeze the life out of them, but they always flew out of your grasp. You clicked your tongue absentmindedly, your annoyance rehashing itself as your mind gravitated back to Jeong Jaehyun with his stupid smirk and annoyingly persistent cockiness. It was almost pitiful that you hated his guts and yet you couldn’t deny the magnetism he carried, the pull that made your breath hitch when he met your eyes.

His presence was announced by the change in the air more than anything else. You didn’t have to see him to know he was there. You clenched your jaw; you couldn’t catch a break from him even during the ungodly hours of the night.

He was unavoidable.

He hummed with amusement. “Look who’s here.”

“What are you doing up this late? Go to bed.”

You didn’t even bother to look at him because there was one thing you were sure of and it was that you could not look at his sickeningly attractive face right now. Jaehyun didn’t move, blatantly ignoring your order. The tension was so thick that you wanted to storm away, but you knew he would follow you just to piss you off.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “You should be the one resting up. You cheerleaders always train until you’re near death.”

“Can’t sleep,” was your curt response.

He laughed once, a short sound that was pretty much gone the moment it hit your eardrums. “What? You get nightmares or something?”

“So what if I do?” you retaliated, getting oddly defensive. It was a given that you’d lie about getting a nightmare over a wet dream. “It’s none of your business.”

He laughed again but this time it was lower, more dangerous. “It’s my business when it concerns you.”

“I have and will never be your business, Jeong Jaehyun.”

He leaned against the wall. “I beg to differ.”

“Then keep begging.”

“If you say so.”

“Jaehyun,” you interrupted your own banter. “What’s the point of this conversation? Just go back to your room so we can go back to not talking to each other.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“That’s unfortunate,” you said. “I don’t want to talk to you, so go find someone who does.”

“We don’t have to talk.” Suddenly, his voice sounded closer, and you forced your gaze down at the strangely-patterned hotel carpet.

You swallowed thickly. “I’m here to clear my head. I don’t want you to hover around me for the rest of the night.”

“Actually, I had something else in mind.”

He closed in on you, one of his hands skimming up the soft skin of your arm. A shudder ran down your spine as you felt his fingers travel up to your shoulder, your collarbone, and then the side of your neck. With a swift movement, he caged you in his arms, biceps flexing as he did.

What was going on? You couldn’t quite keep up with the situation but the way Jaehyun was looking down at you made you feel hot. It was exactly like your dream—

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.”

You couldn’t stop the words from escaping your lips when you felt his hot breath on your neck. Your head went fuzzy and you were pretty sure your knees were ready to buckle under you. The corner of Jaehyun’s lip lifted into a smirk as if he had been planning this. You mustered a scowl at him but one thing was clear: you screwed yourself over by getting into this situation.

Damn it. You knew you should’ve watched season three of Riverdale instead

Also, Chenle and Johnny were right. Not that you’d ever tell them that; put simply, you were a sore loser.

Lust was swimming in Jaehyun’s eyes. The way he caged you felt predatory, a show of dominance rather than passion. That smirk of his carved in deeper, and it only pissed you off. Yet, as much as it pissed you off, all you wanted him to do was just ruin you.

Your pride was too strong, though, and you concluded that you would rather stick a fork in your eye than let Jaehyun do what he wanted. This sparked a dilemma in your head: to fuck or not to fuck Jaehyun, that was the question. One sounded like a pretty uneventful night, while the other sounded appealing save for the self-loathing you’d experience afterward.

“You want me, Y/N,” he cooed. “I know you do.”

“I hate you.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“I mean it, Jaehyun,” you hissed. Your head was screaming at you to just go with it, but denying Jaehyun’s advances and provokes was just natural instinct to you. “I don’t want you. Stop lying to yourself.”

“Is that so? I think you’re the liar here,” he replied easily as you dodged his attempt to kiss you.

You pushed at his muscular arm but he didn’t budge. For a moment, you strongly considered just dropping to the ground and crawling out from under his legs, but you were done for. Seconds later, Jaehyun’s hand flew up, long fingers digging into the soft flesh of your face as he forced your chin upward to look at him directly. The lust in his eyes was so clear, so alluring, and it made you stop struggling for a second.

“I’m not going to ask you again. Let go of me.”

“Good, it’s a waste of breath.”

“Has anyone ever told you how infuriating you are?”

“You did. Many times.”

“Just fuck off already.”

Your words were like poison, but for some odd reason, Jaehyun was immune to it. Any reasonable person would at least flinch, but Jaehyun was so fixated on his one goal. Again, he didn’t budge. He gazed into your eyes with a fierce intensity that threw you off.

“Just let me fucking kiss you, Y/N.”

His smirk was gone. He wasn’t teasing you anymore. Jaehyun’s eyes darkened with his command.

He leaned in and you could feel his hot breath fanning your lips, drinking in your appearance. You were pulled into his trap and you hated yourself for it. You swallowed hard as all of your worries about being with Jaehyun and getting caught had started to fade away. All you could do was yield to him.

“Fine,” you whispered.

“Good girl,” was all he got out before basically smashing your lips together.

It was rushed, messy, and way too rough. Jaehyun grabbed the back of your neck, his other arm still locking you in place. Your hands moved from gripping at the front of his shirt to slowly wrapping around his neck. You weren’t sure how you felt, but there was something that made you want to tangle your fingers in his hair and get lost in him.

The moment Jaehyun’s tongue slid along the crease of your lips, you were conflicted. You weren’t exactly sure what to do so he took the reins. You wondered if he was expressing his pent-up hatred as well. It was clear in the way he was taking prying your mouth open with his tongue, snaking his hot muscle to dance with yours as if he had something to prove. He wanted you to see that he was the dominant one, that he had leverage over the situation.

But when he broke away, he flipped the switch. The both of you were left catching your breath, Jaehyun resting his forehead against yours in a feeling that had a weird sort of intimacy stemming from it. His hand dropped from your neck to brush messy locks of hair behind your shoulders.

Well, that explained why humans were so tempted by the devil.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jaehyun grinned down at you.

You fought down the shyness that was creeping into your chest. Before you could respond, the both of you turned your heads at the sound of footsteps. A flashlight glimpsed by you when you saw two dark figures at the end of the hall. It didn’t sound like your coach, but you weren’t too keen on sticking around to figure out who it was.

“Son, how in the world did you get locked out of your room this late?” one of them asked.

“I’m telling you, I needed to use the bathroom so I went outside without my key, and then I remembered the bathroom was in the room.”

That voice was most definitely Mark.

“Hey!” the security guard scolded when he saw you two. “What are you kids doing? It’s late!”

“You’re on your own.” You pushed Jaehyun away from you and fumbled for your keys before Mark or the security guard could spot you. “Bye.”

You jammed your key in, not worried about waking up your roommate anymore. All you could hear was Jaehyun growling out a short string of curses before you shut the door behind him and leaned against it. Your head was still reeling in what had just happened, but that kiss had left you in the clouds. You could feel the ghost of his lips on yours. Dazed, you just fell onto your bed, into the entrancing clutches of sleep.

You were exhausted when you woke up, and you blamed Jaehyun for it.

You weren’t in the proper condition for training; you hadn’t gotten enough sleep and your head was a mess (well, you supposed you were the only one to blame for the latter). You forgot to set your alarm so you woke up to Eunha shaking you gently, coaxing you into stirring. She was already dressed, tying her hair up in a ponytail. You all but jumped out of bed when you saw her, thinking you were late.

“What time is it?” you asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you stood up and tried to adjust to the morning light.

“You’ve still got plenty of time,” she assured you. “I just like to get ready early so I can go for a quick run.”

“Ah, okay. Have fun,” you mumbled before she left the room, leaving you to drag yourself around the room to get ready. You heard a knock at the door and went to open it, assuming it was Eunha forgetting her keys. Your eyes narrowed when you saw who it was. “Jaehyun?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His voice was somewhere between a pant and a rasp as if he had been working out, which he probably was judging by the sheen of sweat on his biceps.

“Were you waiting for Eunha to leave?” you asked. “You’re disgusting. Why would you think about me?”

“I was thinking about how much of a bitch you are for running away and letting me get in trouble like that.”

“Pity.” You mocked a pout for him. “Now move. I have to get ready.”

“Let me in.”

You made a face at the thought. You knew where he was going with this and you needed to stop it. “No. You’re disgusting.”

“You liked it last night.”

His eyes searched yours in the dim light, looking for something that unfortunately was there: longing. You were never the greatest at hiding your emotions, which was why you couldn’t lie to yourself and refuse Jaehyun. Screw your transparency. Jaehyun grinned at your silence and took a step in your room when you opened your door wider for him.

You closed the door. “I hated every second of it,” you said in a childish attempt to get on his nerves.

You were a terrible liar.

Your back was against the door in a second. You could only let out a soft gasp before he kissed you, hands on your waist, slowing his movements unlike the hurriedness from last night. It was foreign, the way he kissed you like you were the only girl he saw. You pulled away quickly but it just left the both of you staring at each other’s lips.

“You sure about that?” His lips curled into a smirk.

“Don’t get me wrong,” you warned in a low voice, “I still hate your guts.”

“As I’m reminded of every single time I see you,” he returned coolly.

“Fuck off.”

This time, you pulled him down to kiss him again. You fisted your hand into his hair, tugging at his dark locks as your lips moved smoothly against his. Caught off guard, Jaehyun groaned, low and deep against your lips.

The two of you separated again before Jaehyun said, “See? I know you want me. Only I can make you feel this good, Y/N.”

You scoffed. “We’ll see about that.”

Jaehyun’s eyes darkened at the challenge. To prove his point, he pushed his knee up and between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. A gasp escaped your lips, the fingers curled in his hair instinctively tightening. You bit your lip but to no avail; a whimper escaped your lips as soon as he started pulsing his knee against you. You grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage, burying your face into his chest while bunching up the thin fabric of his shirt.

You wanted to hold back your moans because you were adamant about not giving Jeong Jaehyun the satisfaction of hearing you moan. Instead, you shifted your hips so that the pressure of his knee became more intense. Sparks flew behind your eyelids as he bounced his knee under you.

He finally released the tight grip he had on your waist in favor of palming one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly through your shirt and bra. All the while, he continued ramming his knee against the apex of your legs. He kept his eyes on yours and you scowled at the thought of him getting off on seeing you crumble in front of him. But you couldn’t stop yourself. He wanted to completely and utterly ruin you, wanted to fuck you in and shut you up.

The worst part was that you wanted to let him.

“You’re so cute when you’re like this,” he mused, slowly rubbing his knee in circles against you. “God, you’re still wearing that fucking tank top.”

“You’re such a—ah!”

He groped your chest again, thumb pressing down on your nipple. Another whimper escaped you as Jaehyun grazed his lips down your neck, nipping at the supple skin. You only got louder as the kisses turned into bites.

He ignored you and removed his hand. Instead, he tugged the neckline of your tank top down, delighted at the loose straps sliding down your shoulders. He yanked it down to your waist so you were exposed to him, and you swore you heard his breath hitch. Jaehyun pinched your nipple with two fingers, drawing out a moan that drove him crazy. He buried his face into your neck, sucking and making you quiver under him.

“Didn’t you say I had small tits earlier?” you jeered, a teasing lilt to your tone.

“Yeah, I still stand by that,” he replied, resulting in you punching his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“Hey, I never said it wasn’t cute.”

“You’re such a softie,” you grumbled, but your voice was gentler than before. It was almost like you were warming up to Jeong Jaehyun, and you hated the mere thought of that.

Jaehyun pulled away from your neck. “Y/N, I want you to suck me off,” he demanded.

“I refuse.”

“Be a good girl and do it for me.”

You swore you’d go crazy if he called you ‘good girl’ one more time. You were pretty revolted at the thought of sucking his dick, but the way he looked so fragile under your hold made you want to do it for the power rush. It was like some cheap porno in a way; ‘College Jock Gets Sucked Off By Cheerleader.’ You bet half the members on the team beat their meat to something similar to that.

Your shoulders sagged. “Fine. Get on the bed.”

Jaehyun groaned at your approval. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, letting go of you to pull down his sweats on his way to your bed. He sat at the edge of it, tugging the elastic of his boxers down. You swallowed hard, tugging your tank top back up as you stared at his painfully hard erection springing out.

You got on your knees in front of him, lips parted in anticipation of taking in his length. Your hair fell over your face, which Jaehyun took notice of and held it back in a fist. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your hand around his cock. It was rock solid to the touch and twitched at your grip. Glancing up at an eager Jaehyun, you pumped the length of it once, inciting a groan from him.

You wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, rousing a strangled noise from his throat. He looked down at you through half-lidded eyes, messy strands of your hair tangling in his fingers while his other hand was gripping the stiff hotel sheets. Then, you took him in fully at his encouragement (which was more of him just grabbing the back of your head and pushing it down on his cock).

“Shit,” he breathed out before slowly moving his hips in and out of your mouth. It was like iron wrapped around velvet, and he was relishing how hot your mouth felt.

He pushed your head down further and right as you gagged on his length, there was a knock at the door.

“Y/N!” Mark’s voice sounded from the other side. “Are you coming for breakfast?”

You pulled off of him with a pop, a string of saliva dripping off your lips. Your eyes were wide as you lunged for your phone, checking the texts. Meanwhile, Jaehyun just frowned down at you, looking up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered when you looked at the time. You called out to Mark, “Give me a minute!”

“Perfect,” Jaehyun said in a low voice and held the back of your head, attempting to push you down on him. “We can finish up now.”

“Are you an idiot?” you hissed, swatting at his hand. “I have to get out of here before Mark finds out you’re in here.”

Ignoring your state of panic, Jaehyun said, “You look so hot with drool on your chin.”

That was the most disgusting thing you had ever heard, and if it weren’t for Mark being on the other side of the door where you and Jaehyun were screwing around, you would have beat the living daylights out of him. Only a creep like Jeong Jaehyun could find something like drool sexy. You scowled at him and wiped it off with the back of your hand.

“Put your dick away,” you scolded. “Hide in the closet and you can leave when I’m gone.”

He rolled his eyes at you and stood up, making his way to the bathroom. “I need to get rid of the problem you caused.”

You had no time to complain about him jerking off in your bathroom. Mark was not a very patient man, so as soon as Jaehyun closed the door behind him, you stripped off your pajamas and threw on whatever was at the top of your suitcase. You brushed your teeth at the speed of light, using your other hand to brush down your hair. After you laced up your shoes, you opened the door to Mark looking at you suspiciously.

“You’re never late,” he pointed out.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” you said. In your defense, it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh, by the way,” Mark started, “can I use your bathroom real quick?”

“No!” you exclaimed, pushing him away from your room and in the direction of the elevator. “My roommate, um, is… on her period—yeah, you don’t want to see that mess.”

Another reason why you hated Jeong Jaehyun was for giving you reasons to lie when you were a terrible liar.

Training was long and grueling. Your bones were mush and your muscles ached, pins and needles shooting through you every time you moved. As your teammates dragged you to get dinner with them, you couldn’t even resist because you were so drained.

The one thing you loved about training was that you could wear whatever you wanted, whereas you were confined to tight skirts and crop tops at your university. Now, you could rest in whatever position you wanted without worrying about exposing anything, so you didn’t hesitate to manspread as soon as you got to the cafeteria table.

“Did you guys hear about Jaehyun from the other school?” one of the girls gossiped. “Looks like he was fooling around with someone last night.”

You were grounded back into reality from whatever dimension you were floating about in. Your teammates were perplexed as you choked on air, hitting your chest to stop yourself from coughing. You were handed a glass of water, which you gingerly accepted and drank until your body had calmed down.

“Ah, sorry, Y/N,” your teammate apologized. “I forgot you and Jaehyun have bad blood between you.”

“You’re good,” you told her, waving it off. “I was surprised for a second, but I guess it makes sense for a guy like him to go around hooking up.” Then, silence fell. You were confused as they all looked at you with a puzzled look. “What? Am I stereotyping too harshly? My bad.”

“No, it’s not that,” another chimed in. “A lot of girls go around hitting on him, but Jaehyun never lays a hand on them. I thought it was common knowledge that he doesn’t do that sort of stuff, but I guess it makes sense that you don’t care about the details.”

That was news to you.

“Yeah,” you replied distantly. “I don’t care.”

So Jaehyun doesn’t hook up, was what you happened to hear around the grapevine, and he most definitely doesn’t hook up with his enemies.

You stood up in the middle of your dinner. “I gotta go,” you said. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

You actually weren’t very sure where Jaehyun was, but you figured if you walked around enough, you’d run into him or someone from his team. You headed out of the canteen and walked to the basketball courts, expecting to see him dribbling a bar or doing reps. But the first person you saw was Na Jaemin, and he noticed you immediately, eyes sparkling with recognition.

“Y/N!” he greeted cheerfully. “It’s been so long.”

That infectious smile of his was plastered across his face, making a small one creep to your lips. If Jaehyun smiled like that more, then you could understand his charm, but he was always so moody around you. He either did something to get on your nerves or he would just flat-out ignore you. Furthermore, he always riled you up instead of offering you that warm security that Jaemin emanated—

Wait, why were you comparing him to Jaehyun?

“Sorry,” you apologized meekly. “Am I interrupting your practice time?”

“No, it’s cool. We were just messing around in here,” Jaemin replied. “Are you looking for someone?”

You looked into Jaemin’s eyes and your thoughts slowed. He made you feel safe, warm, but that was all; there was no fire, no rage, no heat. It was just a shallow attraction that fizzled out, leaving you neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. And you clawed at your brain as you wondered what you were getting at, but you knew. You knew it was all going back to Jaehyun.

And it pissed you off.

“I was looking for Jaehyun,” you said, “if he happened to be in here.”

“He told me he was going for a swim,” Jaemin said, and that was all you needed.

Before Jaemin could respond, you thanked him and turned on your heel. The pool was in a separate building, and there was no training that even required swimming, so it made no sense for Jaehyun to be there. You let out a frustrated sigh. Even when he wasn’t doing anything in particular to annoy you, it still managed to anger you.

You weren’t going to let Jaehyun do what he wanted this time. This was merely for interrogation—your own personal gain. Then, you thought it over some more, and you reasonably concluded that there was a 97.5% chance that you would not lay a finger on him, but there was a 2.5% chance you’d cave.

When you got to the facility where the pool was, you were entranced by the renovation at first. The pool was massive and the equipment was lined up so neatly along the walls. You peered through the glass to see the pool completely empty save for Jaehyun in the hot tub.

He met your eyes while you opened the door to the pool. His eyebrow arched at your entrance but a smirk settled on his lips as you neared him. You tried to push down your lust; you were not letting him get to you again. You crouched down by the side of the pool and Jaehyun moved so he was facing you, holding onto the edge of the hot tub.

“What brings you here?’ he asked, playfully flicking some water in your direction.

You flinched and scrunched up your nose at his action. “I heard you don’t do hookups.”

“You heard correctly.”

“So what am I?”

“You’re Y/N.”

You were a coward. Admittedly, you had probably always been running away from your own problems, deflecting your feelings with unbridled hate that had no direction, no meaning. Underneath your blunt and fiery front was pure cowardice. Even now, you refused to admit anything to yourself.

You didn’t want to accept that maybe you actually liked Jeong Jaehyun.

Maybe you’ve always liked him.

“Don’t be stupid, Jaehyun,” you grumbled. “You’ve always hated me.”

“I think you just want to believe I hate you. Is that how you suppress your feelings?”

“How long have you liked me for, then? Days?”

“Years.”

You paused for a moment as you recounted your interactions with Jaehyun. It was true that he never explicitly said he hated you and that you always started the arguments, but he was the one who broke off your friendship. Why would he do that if he didn’t hate you?

“You said you wanted nothing to do with me, Jaehyun,” you said in a smaller voice, fist balling at your side.

“You were going to a different university.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, and although you were angry, it was difficult not to enjoy the view. “Plus, you just kept going on and on about Jaemin, and I couldn’t even shut that mouth of yours up back then.”

“So you cut me off?”

“I felt like I was being petty, so I tried to apologize but you blocked my number and wouldn’t let me come near you,” Jaehyun deadpanned. He reached forward and grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to him. You teetered on the balls of your feet, swallowing hard. “Forgive me?”

“No.”

Jaehyun rose up a little so he was eye-to-eye with you. He smiled at your flustered expression and cupped your cheek with his wet hand. Every muscle in your body was telling you to pull away but you couldn’t. Not when his lips were so close, when his eyes were boring into yours.

“Forgive me,” he repeated in a gentler tone, but it became more of an order than a question.

“Make me,” you whispered and Jaehyun groaned, somewhat helplessly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I swear.”

You opened your mouth to say something more, but you couldn’t even form your words as Jaehyun yanked you forward and sealed your lips with a kiss. Before, you had the sense to try and push him away, but now you were held captive. He slid his tongue past your lips and you let out an appreciative whimper, hand sliding into his wet hair. You tugged at his hair and this time, Jaehyun was the one to react.

He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, eyes clouding over with lust. “Get in with me,” he said, voice rumbling. You shivered as he dragged his lips down to your jaw; you could feel his voice reverberate down your spine and to your feet.

“What if someone walks in?” you asked in a daze.

“There’s no use for the swim facility, so no one’s going to walk in on us,” he persuaded. “Come in.”

Water dripped from his neck, landing on your thigh. You took in a sharp breath as his hand tugged at your waist. While the pleading look on his face was priceless, you couldn’t even ridicule him because you were at your limit, too. You let out an irritated sigh when you realized you gave into that 2.5% of you caving.

You responded by pulling off your shirt, tossing it to the side where Jaehyun had left his shoes and towel. Jaehyun watched you as you fiddled with the clamp of your bra. Meanwhile, his hands went to the waistband of your sweats, making you shudder as he tugged them down at the sides. You raised your hips to help him get them off and, after removing your bra, you were only left in your underwear to protect you from his hungry gaze.

You weren’t the type to hook up with guys. Hell, you weren’t the type to even show a guy your ankle if he asked. You thought you’d feel insecure with Jaehyun eyeing you in your full glory, but there was none of that. You wanted to know why it was so different with him but maybe it was the way he looked at you like he just wanted to kiss you. Or maybe a tiny part of your heart always belonged to Jaehyun, and you couldn’t bury it anymore.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

He mumbled the words, barely audible, but they set you on fire. He pulled you down onto his lap like you were his anchor, and you were afraid you’d get swept with the current, but you let him. You’ve only ever kissed a few guys before, so you really had no idea what the fuck you were getting into. All you were sure about was that Jaehyun could make you feel good and you were having your first time in a hot tub. You only prayed that you wouldn’t pass out from the pleasure combined with the heat of the water.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, gliding his hands down your sides. You nodded. “Then I’ll be gentle.” Truly, you did find his gesture rather sweet, but it didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes. Jaheyun saw and narrowed his brows. “I don’t hate you, but you really piss me off sometimes.”

He kissed you again. It was more passionate this time, but also harsher and messier. You let out a sound that was something between a yelp and a moan, making Jaehyun move his hands to run down your bare back. Then, he planted his thumb on your clit and pressed down in a way that made a muscle in your thigh twitch. Your grip on his shoulders tightened; you weren’t expecting that. It felt different in the water, but somehow, you couldn’t get enough of it.

“You’re wet,” he mumbled against your lips as his fingers found purchase on your slit.

“We’re in the water, you idiot.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “You know what, Y/N, you’re right, I did hate you,” he spat, rubbing small circles around your clit now. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to steady yourself, whimpering as his movements grew more intense. “I fucking hated how you looked at Jaemin with those love-struck eyes.”

There was a shift in his usual cocky expression. He turned focused and, to a degree, angry. It was the kind of look on his face you saw when he was on the basketball court or during a game.

“You’re the one who told me to go after him.”

Wrong choice of words. Jaehyun lifted you up and placed you on the edge of the pool, pushing a finger inside you with no warning. You gasped, your mouth open to ask him why he took you out of the water, but you already knew the answer; he wanted to feel you completely.

“R-right there,” you whimpered out as he pushed his finger deeper inside of you.

He started to curl his finger whenever he passed over your g-spot, and you had to close your eyes. Jaehyun pulled his finger out to marvel at the slick wetness that coated it. Your body tingled as he slid his finger inside you again. This time, he was teasing your slit with a second digit. Jaehyun had no delicacy, though, and he all but shoved in a second finger, causing you to cry out.

He didn’t even care. You opened your mouth to call him a bastard, but all that came out was a pitched moan that seemed to float up to the stars.

“I fucking hated,” he rasped as he pumped two fingers inside of you, “how you treated Jaemin like he was the only one in the world.”

“I don’t… like Jaemin,” you got out, each labored breath of yours fighting off another moan. “I’ve stopped liking Jaemin after high school.”

Jaehyun’s free hand went to your chest, cupping one of your breasts as he rubbed circles around your nipple. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, unable to contain yourself as the fingers on your clit got almost frantic in their place, and the fingers inside of you were pushing against your walls. You felt an unfamiliar cold fire that felt so fucking good, lighting you up and threatening to spill over. Your muscles clenched and spasmed around Jaehyun, and you weren’t even in the hot tub but you felt like you were sinking.

A high-pitched moan left your lips, leaving you hot with embarrassment because you didn’t know you could make a sound like that. You fell from your peak, relaxing in Jaehyun’s hold; it felt like you were floating amongst the clouds in an almost euphoric way.

“I don’t like Jaemin,” you breathed out, still winded from your orgasm, “you fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Jaehyun pulled his fingers out of you, eyes trained on you as he licked them slowly. The look on his face was more gentle now. With his free hand, he brushed loose strands of your hair out of your face. “You like me now.”

“No, I’ve loved you for a while now.” You didn’t know what possessed you to say what was on your mind, but it surprised you more than it surprised Jaehyun. “I didn’t realize it then but… I think I did.”

Love? Love?

You thought you knew what love was. Something that you felt in your bones, that burst within you instantly. Simple glances, thoughts, and daydreams—something gentle and fluffy, but also emotionally shattering. You thought it was tender smiles, kind words, and little gestures.

But maybe that was the kind of love that led to puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and hoarse voices. The kind of love that was left fruitless with an empty gap in your chest.

Maybe this was different.

It was instinctive, the way you fell for him. Like an effortless intake of breath, you were in love before you even knew it. You always thought love was a monster. Ravaging, scraping, foul monsters with jaws so immeasurably large that they would have swallowed you whole. But maybe it wasn’t the tragedy you made it out to be.

With Jaehyun it was fierce and maddening and made you want to rip your hair out. It was a violent hurricane that you tried to brave your way through. But you were blind. You were already at the eye; you had always been at the center without realizing it. And, despite all the pointless arguments and name-calling, it was the most beautiful thing you had experienced.

Yeah, you liked him. You liked how you were around him, despite how much you complained about it to Mark. Part of you refused to admit it, but sometimes the bickering was fun. You realized that you never let go of Jaehyun before because you couldn’t. You simply didn’t want to be without him because Jeong Jaehyun drove a deeper passion within you.

Your rose-tinted loving moment was ruined as soon as a shit-eating grin spread across Jaehyun’s face.

“You love me.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“You love me,” Jaehyun echoed as if he was internalizing the information. “You love me.”

“I take it back,” you said flatly. “I hate you, I hate you, and I’ve always hated you.”

Jaehyun ignored your words, his cockiness morphing into adoration. “You actually love me back.” He cupped your face in his hands, eyes turning into little crescents as he smiled. “Even though I called you a cougar for liking a guy a year younger than you?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I made fun of you wearing a push-up bra in front of him?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes.”

“Even though I asked Johnny about you and he told me that I still live in your mind, rent-free?”

“What? Johnny said that?” you exclaimed, eyes wide. You grimaced. Johnny would be dealt with later. You placed your hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders and made direct eye contact. “Look, Jaehyun—as much as it hurts me to say this and I’d rather tear out my vocal cords—I like you. I like you so much that I don’t care about the petty shit you pulled when I liked Jaemin because frankly, I don’t care about Jaemin anymore.”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You wanted to slap him.

“Are you just constantly horny?” you snapped. “I’m pouring out my feelings to you here!”

“I’m better at expressing my love through actions, not words,” Jaehyun explained. “Can I show you?”

“Is this another ploy to get in my pants?”

“No, I’m asking you out on a date,” he said. “Sneak out with me tonight. I want to explore the city with you.”

The offer was tempting. In fact, you found no reason to be opposed to the idea. After all, you were always down for an adventure in the city. Jaehyun being with you didn’t sound too bad either, especially when Seoul was so lively at night. Part of you wanted it purely to catch up on all the time you missed when you stopped being friends.

“Fine,” you agreed. “An hour after curfew.”

“Great.” Jaehyun flashed a grin that slowly curled into a smirk. “Now let me get in your pants.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Y/N, you see,” Jaehyun started, “I don’t hate you, but you’ve really pissed me off these past two years. We have all of this pent-up rage, so it’s only fair that we let it out on each other.” His grip on your hips tightened.

You loathed yourself for wanting him, and for putting aside the fear of being walked in on for him. You internally cringed at the thought of Mark accidentally bearing witness, and you weren’t sure you were willing to explain the situation to him just yet.

It was the price you paid for carnality, you supposed.

You sighed in a forced way so that you sounded reluctant and bored. Unfortunately, your plan backfired and you ended up feeling bad when a concerned look crossed Jaehyun’s face.

“If you’re worried about getting caught, I’ll just cover you,” Jaehyun mumbled, the softness of his voice almost putting you at ease.

You rolled your eyes. “How kind of you.” You paused and looked up at him. “Are we really going to have sex for the first time here?”

Jaehyun looked around him. “Well, I guess we could go to the hotel room if—”

“Nope!” you interrupted, wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing him closer to you. “Let’s do it here. I love the pool, love having sex at the pool.”

He rose a brow at you, hands making their way down your body. Suddenly, your realization of being completely exposed had heightened, and you pressed your thighs together. Maybe it was because your vulnerability showed on your face, clear as day, but Jaehyun smirked, further flustering you by tugging down his swim shorts to reveal his hardened cock.

It was heavy and warm against your thigh, but what you were fixed on was the v-line on his pelvis. You traced along the bone, making him shiver under your touch. You were shocked when he grabbed your wrist tightly, holding it away from him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here,” he growled. Jaehyun leaned closer and nipped at the shell of your earlobe, chuckling as you tensed up under his hold. His hot breath made you squirm under his grip.

Have you ever noticed how insanely attractive he was? Yes, of course. You weren’t an idiot.

Have you ever appreciated his beauty until now? Probably not.

“Just fuck me already, Jae,” you grumbled out as he pushed you down onto the deck of the pool.

In seconds, Jaehyun grabbed your hips and pulled them to his waist. Without any preamble, he rammed himself inside of you. The motion caught you by surprise and you cried out, half out of pleasure and half out of pain. You were definitely wet from being fingered earlier, but two fingers were nothing compared to Jaehyun’s cock.

Seeing his cock disappear in you was enough to make you whimper. Your walls clenched around him, pulsating at the foreign feeling. You were tempted to slap him upside the head for going so fast, but all you could do was tug at his hair and wrap your legs around him.

“You bastard, I’ll fucking—oh.”

Jaehyun laughed cruelly at your reaction, partly to cover up the groan caught in his throat and partly because your attempts at being mad at him were downright pathetic. When you had adjusted to his size, Jaehyun grunted and pounded in you, hitting spots that made your limbs feel like jelly. As if that wasn’t enough, Jaehyun found your clit with the hand that didn’t have a bruising grip on your waist and pressed harshly against it.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Jaehyun gritted out.

“T-then be gentle,” you bargained, drowning in a molten sea.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at you. “Have you ever fucking heard of gentle hate sex?” he asked, validating his point with a particularly hard thrust.

Your fingernails dug into his back, leaving hot-white trails down his skin. You were certain you had drawn blood, but knowing Jaehyun, he’d probably feel proud if he saw it. He brought his lips to your neck as you writhed under him, biting around until he found your sweet spot. This wasn’t fair; he was pleasuring you in every way possible and all you could do was cry out as he pummeled in you.

You closed your eyes, sparks flying behind your eyelids as you felt your release rushing to you.

Then, he slowed his strokes down considerably.

“Look at me,” he ordered in a rasp. Your eyes fluttered open, remaining half-lidded as you felt like you were going to spill over. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”

He slapped his hips against yours again, the sound of skin against skin making you shudder. Jaehyun filled you up to the brim and you were oh-so-close to letting go and falling off the edge. The hardscape was cool but you were on fire, bliss overtaking all of your senses. Your toes curled as you held onto his damp skin for dear life, not sure if it was because he was in the pool or he was sweating due to the heat you both emanated.

“R-right there!”  you wailed. “Fuck, right there!”

Jaehyun angled his hips slightly to pound into you, causing you to see metaphysical stars. It was so hard to keep eye contact with him when your eyes just wanted to roll back. Jaehyun let out a groan by your ear, low and guttural. You didn’t even notice how tight the grip he has on you until he releases your hip for you to see the print he left.

You could tell he was close, but he wanted to hold on for you. Both of your breaths were labored as you stared into each other’s eyes, your body moving up and down against the hardscape as Jaehyun railed you. You tightened your grip on him, a pathetic moan falling from your lips as you were falling over the edge.

Jaehyun understood and fucked you through your orgasm, making sure you made the most of it. Warmth blossomed under your skin as you cried out in pure bliss, your vision blurring and refocusing as it flickered from normal to pure white as you rode out your high. You ground yourself back to reality after nearly sobbing out his name, the pleasure overwhelming you. Jaehyun’s eyes went hazy as he fell apart right after you did, and soon, you felt something warm spill inside of you.

Jaehyun finished inside of you and stuttered out a curse as he pulled out of you. He rolled over and laid on the deck of the pool next to you, the both of you catching your breath like you had just run a marathon.

“I have a cute date idea for tonight,” Jaehyun said after a long pause.

You looked over, watching his chest rise and fall. “Yeah?”

“We go to the store and buy Plan B.”

You couldn’t even disagree.

“Sounds good.”

Jaehyun dragged himself off the floor, muttering something along the lines of “shit, that felt good” to himself as he reached for his swim trunks to pull back on. You grabbed a towel to dry yourself off, but pins and needles shot up your legs when you tried to walk. Jaehyun noticed immediately and a smug look settled on his face again, not the least bit remorseful.

You scowled as you slipped your clothes back on. “Shut up,” you jeered. “You’re so shameless for someone who can’t pull out.”

“Oops,” he replied flatly.

“I hate you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun ran a hand through his damp hair, letting out a laugh as he shook his head. He picked up another towel from the chairs by the poolside and wrapped it around so it covered your head. You bit your lip as you watched him attempt to dry your hair. It was times like these when he seemed so gentle and delicate, unlike his usual irritating attitude.

“You liked it, though,” Jaehyun said. “Right?”

You faltered, looking down at your feet as he continued to dry your hair. “Yeah.”

Jaehyun smiled softly and leaned in swiftly to peck your lips, but your moment was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

Mark was gaping at you two, eyelids fluttering rapidly as if he was trying to blink away what he had just seen.

“Y/N? Jeong Jaehyun?” Mark questioned, his voice an octave higher than usual. Realization crossed his face through a series of facial expressions that morphed far too quickly for you to process. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Mark!” You and Jaehyun pulled away from each other quickly.

Mark paused to think his words through. “Did I almost walk in on a murder?”

You let out a frustrated groan. “Jesus, Mark, if you’re not going to read the room, at least SparkNote it.”

“Wait, so you were kissing?”

“No, we didn’t kiss,” Jaehyun assured, and you felt tricked for feeling relieved for a split second. “We actually had sex.”

Jaehyun’s words ended with a splutter as you elbowed him in the gut. Mark looked between the two of you, boggled. You nudged Jaehyun again with your foot, signaling for him to leave so you could handle Mark. Thankfully, he took your cue this time and grabbed his towel, mockingly saluting the both of you. You were stupid to think you were safe, though, because Jaehyun had to get another last word in before he walked off.

“See you tonight, Y/N.”

There was a long, awkward pause while Jaehyun opened the door and left the building. You and Mark were staring at each other but neither of you knew what to say or how to approach the subject.

“I just… I just came here to find you, and Jaemin told me you went to the pool. You…” Mark started. He looked absolutely horrified, like a corpse had fallen to his feet—no, rather, he looked like a corpse himself, like someone attempted to do taxidermy on him but did a shit job. “Bitch.”

“Let me explain.”

“Bitch,” Mark enunciated, “you just fucked the hottest guy here, oh my god.”

Definitely not the reaction you were expecting, but you supposed it wasn’t a bad one. You were glad he wasn’t getting into the whole ‘why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend’ rant, but this was equally as overwhelming.

Mark continued, “Wait—is that why you were late this morning? Oh my god, this has been a thing. You’ve been hooking up with him in secret, haven’t you?”

“No? Well, yes, but it hasn’t been much until, um”—you gestured awkwardly around you—“you know.”

“So you were the one who was with Jaehyun last night?”

“Yes.”

“And this morning before I picked you up?”

“Yes.”

“Are you two dating now?”

“Honestly, I really don't know,” you admitted. “Mark, please don’t tell anyone about this. Especially not those little shits, Chenle and Johnny.”

Mark gulped. “About that…”

Before you could question him, there was a chorus of loud clapping echoing from the locker rooms which was then followed by a few cheers. You grimaced as the two boys you didn’t want to see walked out: Chenle and Johnny, Tweedledee and Tweedledum themselves. They both wore cocky smirks as they shook their head at you, which made Mark a touch more nervous than he was before.

“Have anything to say for yourself, Y/N?” Chenle teased.

“Go to hell.” You scoffed and turned to Mark, narrowing in on him. “Why’d you bring them along? What are you? The three stooges?”

“We were looking for you so we could invite you to the movie night we were having in Jungwoo’s room!” Mark defended. “I swear, if I knew about you and Jaehyun, I never would’ve brought them along.”

You sighed deeply as Chenle snickered to himself. “Well, I guess Y/N can’t come to movie night since she has a date with—hold on, what did you call him again? The devil?”

“Okay, I get it!” You threw your hands up in defeat, eyes closed to show you were reflecting upon your actions. “I’m a dirty hypocrite and I’ve committed a crime worse than death.” You opened your eyes again. “I’m sorry.” To your surprise, Chenle and Johnny had their right hand up. You stared at it, puzzled. “Do you want me to make an oath or something?”

“In modern society,” Johnny explained, “we call it a high-five.”

It took you a few seconds to process their words before you tentatively gave them each a firm high-five. You blinked up at them before ease washed over you. This was how it always was, anyways. At the end of the day, no matter how much you guys bickered or teased each other, you always made up. That's what friends were for, after all.

“There we go,” you said, oddly satisfied. “For now, I’ll let go of the fact that Johnny snitched on me to Jaehyun behind my back.”

“How dare you!” Johnny gasped. “Chenle was with me.”

Chenle raised his hand to confirm the statement. “Indeed. Please give credit where it's due.”

“Alright, fuck you both.”

What the fuck even was a date?

This was foreign territory to you, but even so, you decided you wouldn’t rely on your annoying friends. First of all, you were sure they wouldn’t really be of any help and just endlessly tease you about it. Secondly, they were simply going to gradually grow more stressed (Mark), lecherous (Johnny), and aggravating (Chenle). Thus, you decided to slay the monster of first dates yourself.

Your first hurdle was looking cute. You packed absolutely nothing that wasn’t for the training camp, so you had already failed. Jaehyun was going to have to deal with you in your gym shorts and a school t-shirt.

Your second hurdle was sneaking away from Eunha, your roommate. That was a piece of cake considering how she didn’t exactly care. When you headed out of the room, wallet and phone in hand, she wished you a kind farewell, which you returned.

Your third hurdle was sneaking out of the hotel. You weren’t quite sure how you and Jaehyun made it outside without being spotted, but you were certain he must have tipped off some of the staff because there was no way the both of you could have walked straight out of the lobby without being reported. When you asked him, though, he said it was probably because you looked like the cleaning lady.

Needless to say, Jaehyun was on thin ice.

You loved Seoul, loved the dirty of it. Even at night, the city was alive and full of vigor, full of young people like you who were chasing cheap thrills. Jaehyun was a dream under the glowing lights, and you almost couldn’t believe that the prince-like boy was head-over-heels for you.

He took you to a wide alley with a night market, full of life and energy. Jaehyun was walking through the crowd and you were following right behind him, like some awkward fish swimming after a cuter, more popular fish upstream. There were several times where you almost lost yourself in the crowd, and Jaehyun noticed this. He reached behind him, still shouldering his way through the crowd, and grabbed your hand. The smell of spicy rice cakes, the numerous pop-up bars lining the alley, and Jeong Jaehyun gripping your hand—it all made a pretty eventful first date.

Jaehyun didn’t kiss you. Not once. He didn’t try to touch you anywhere that would have tempted you both into doing something you definitely shouldn’t do in public. There were times where Jaehyun turned pink or looked away from you shyly, and you indulged in it because this was a side of him you didn’t see often.

Jaehyun stopped at a convenience store before you both decided to head back. You waited outside for him, kicking stones as you thought of him. He was undeniably perfect, which you somewhat despised because you had spent the last two years hating his guts and this was an abrupt change. You were worried if he was buying you something; he had already bought you lamb skewers and rice cakes at the night market. You didn’t want to be the girlfriend to empty his wallet.

Wait—

Were you his girlfriend?

“Y/N,” he called when he walked out of the store, holding something behind his back with a sneaky grin. “Close your eyes.”

You bit back a smile and closed your eyes, holding your hands out. He placed the object in your hands and it felt light, so you were sure it shouldn’t have cost much. Although, your stomach was pitted with guilt at the thought of him spending money on you. You opened your eyes when he directed you to.

Plan B One-Step.

You no longer felt bad for him.

“Very romantic,” you observed, putting the packet in your wallet, “but thank you.”

You were seething. Your face grew unconditionally hot and you had to look down at your feet. It seriously pissed you off that your feelings were so clear right now because Jaehyun had bought you fucking Plan B.

Jaehyun seemed to notice right away and tilted your chin up with two fingers, chuckling. “Is something wrong?”

Your face screwed up when you decided on what you were going to ask him. “Are we dating?” you blurted out.

Jaehyun held your face gently like it would shatter if he applied any more pressure. His fingertips grazed the hinge of your jaw while his thumbs rested on your cheekbones. You were panicking when he leaned in, but it wasn’t what you expected. Jaehyun pressed a chaste kiss to your nose, grinning at your reaction. You reached up to trace his dimple with your finger.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, flustered beyond imagination, but you had already gotten this far so you continued, “do you?”

“Do I want to be your girlfriend?”

You wanted to hit yourself. “Fuck. I mean, do you wanna date me?”

“Of course,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

He drew you into his warm embrace and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how you hated this man for so long. Of course, when those cocky smirks and impish looks came back, you were sure you’d remember again. But right now, in his arms, you just knew that you wanted to be with him. You looked up at him, arms slung around him, and got on your toes to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

You were positive you hadn’t ever seen Jeong Jaehyun blush before tonight, but it was a sight you were sure you could never get sick of.

And you never would.

[five-rivers]

Beltane

Written for Ectober 2021 Day 1: Trick vs Treat. This is part of the Exhumed series.

.

Danny Fenton walked into the precinct. As often happened when he did this, all attention slowly turned to him. “Hi, Detective Patterson. Have you ever heard of Beltane?”

Patterson took a long swig of coffee through the plastic stir straw, because she felt the need to be at least a little drugged before dealing with whatever this was, and then said, “Is this the kind of thing the whole precinct needs to know about, or is it more specific to me?”

“Mm, not specific to you, but I’m not sure if everyone needs to know about it, yet.”

Despite only select members of the Amity Park police force knowing Danny Fenton had another identity, he’d become a sort of ‘ghost liaison’ for the precinct. Better him than the adult Fentons, who tended to break things even (especially) when they were being careful.

“Actually,” continued Danny, “you might have already noticed some things about it. I mean, it’s seasonal, and Mom and Dad were detecting ectoenergy and ghost activity spikes for events like this before they got the portal up and running. Although, the portal was supposed to stabilize and reduce those spikes… I guess reducing one isn’t bad?”

“Okay,” said Patterson. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about. Do you want me to go find Collins?”

“Oh, that might be a good idea.”

“Great,” said Patterson. She turned her head to shout across the room. “McGee. Go find Collins.”

“Still the new guy?” asked Danny, sympathetically.

“It isn’t like we’re a popular posting,” said Patterson, “and, thanks to the ghosts, we don’t really need new people.”

Danny nodded placidly. “I know. But it must be hard for him, don’t you think?”

.

McGee had done his job. He’d discovered the corruption in the Amity Park Police Department and plumbed its depths. The problem was that he could never, ever, report it. Even if they didn’t have a perfectly good cause for it all, what they were ‘hiding’ (and they were only barely doing that) was so ridiculous that McGee had thought he’d gone crazy at first.

Ghosts.

The whole of Amity Park was haunted. Just like it said in those touristy brochures at the front of the local diners.

He stuck his head into the break room. “Collins, Patterson and Fenton want you,” he said.

“In the normal room?” Collins asked, shoving a sugary monstrosity of a donut into his mouth.

“I have no idea. She didn’t say.”

“Normal room then. Great job, McGee.”

McGee rolled his eyes. Great job, he said. As if he’d done anything.

God. What would Halloween be like?

.

“So, it’s like, reverse Halloween?” asked Patterson.

“Well, not exactly,” said Danny. He patted Daisy, the department mascot slash corpse sniffing dog who had followed them into the small interview room, gently on the head. “Actually, there are more similarities than differences. Basically, like Halloween, we’re going to get a spike in ectoenergy. Maybe even some ectoplasmic storms. More portals. That kind of thing.” He shrugged. “Most holidays and seasonal divisions have them, you know.”

“So… we’re getting Halloween round two?” asked Collins.

“What do you bet that this is what gets McGee to snap?”

“He’s been here since December,” said Collins. “I think he’s too stubborn to leave.”

“Is he still spying?” asked Danny.

“No,” said Patterson, waving a hand. “He gave up on that, after a while. But there’s a new office bet about whether or not he’ll stay stay, or if he’ll decide to quit. We’re not allowed to join in because we know him too well.”

“Mm,” said Danny.

“I don’t actually know if I feel like I know him that well,” said Collins.

“Well,” said Danny, “it shouldn’t be as extreme as Halloween. Since, I mean, there aren’t as many religious holidays directly associated with death and stuff happening on or around May first. So. Yeah. But the thing is, there are some traditional, er, activities. Spirited activities.”

Collins suppressed a groan, and was glad that Captain Jones wasn’t available today. He and Danny could sling puns at each other for obscenely long periods of time.

“I’ve never noticed ghosts doing anything on May Day,” said Patterson.

“This is only the third year anyone’s even acknowledged that ghosts exist,” said Danny, “so I’m not really all that surprised. But the reason that I came to talk to you guys is that some of the ghosts want to do Beltane stuff. Like the fire blessings. Also, I’ve been told that some of the trees in town are secretly ghost trees, and if we don’t want to deal with another tree army, we need to do some stuff to appease them.”

“Secret ghost trees.”

“My source is very reliable,” said Danny. “Also, while I say ‘we don’t want to deal with it,’ I think we all know who’d be dealing with most of it.”

“You would,” said Patterson.

“Got it in one. Like, I can convince most of the ghosts to either do their Beltane stuff in the Ghost Zone, or somewhere out of the way. They’ll be disappointed, but I can do it. The ghost tree thing, though…”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know,” said Collins, “get rid of the ghost trees?”

“Well, they aren’t really evil ghost trees. Or even really ghost trees. They’re more… ghosts that live in trees?”

“What, like dryads?” asked Collins, raising his eyebrows.

“That’s what I said, but they’re different species, apparently.”

“Okay,” said Patterson, “so. Appeasing the trees. How many trees are we talking about here, and how are we going to appease them?”

.

“Okay, so, this is definitely a whole precinct kind of thing,” said Patterson.

“And possibly an ‘all civil servants’ type of thing,” added Collins. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Where are we going to get the funding for this?”

“Oh, don’t worry about money,” said Danny. “I’ll just blackmail Vlad, and if that doesn’t work, I can get Mom and Dad to pay for it.”

“What,” said Collins.

“I think this might be a bit beyond your parents’ budget,” said Patterson, “but knock yourself out as far as Masters goes.”

“Well, I guess if it is,” he allowed, dubiously, “I could get the cults to pitch in?”

.

“This is nice,” said Danny. The sky was a bit overcast, which was a shame, but the hundreds of bright flowers and cheerful music more than made up for that.

The May Day celebration was, in Danny’s opinion, a success. At least, this half of it was turning out to be. He’d have to wait and see how the Spirit Bonfires went tonight before he could really make a judgement.

He’d only had to blackmail Vlad a little, too. It turned out that the ‘ruthless businessman’ in Vlad was ludicrously easy to manipulate, and once Danny brought up how a celebration like this one could revitalize local businesses and bring in tourism, he’d caved.

Although, that might have been the threat of an angry tree army. Vlad had definitely come off worse for wear in the last one, on all fronts.

Then, publically putting the Phantom Stamp of Approval (and Necessity Given The Potential Angry Tree Army) on the event had gotten buy-in from his fans and (sigh) the cults. The cults were, in fact, very enthusiastic about their new Holy Day. Danny had made a map of all the places they’d set up booths, and was studiously avoiding them.

Sam and Tucker were doing a walkthrough of that area, now, to check for problems and unadorned thorn trees. They’d arranged to meet up soon.

So, Amity Park was decked out in ribbons and flowers. All of the schools had gotten Maypoles and the day off of classes. Several bands, both human and ghostly, were playing in different parts of town.

It was chaotic, but great.

Danny briefly cut into the street to dodge a pair of college-age men play-fighting with tree branches (a genuinely important tradition symbolizing the battle between winter and summer), then walked through a wall to avoid two ghosts doing the same thing.

Finally, he reached Madame Babazita’s table.

“Hi,” he said, “three readings, please.”

“Three?” she asked. “Just for you?”

“My friends should get here before mine’s done,” said Danny. Was he channeling some predictive powers? Maybe. Holidays did make his powers weird.

.

“I have no idea what your reading is saying,” said Madame Babazita, after fifteen full minutes. “The cards simply aren’t speaking to me today. Also,” she held up an Uno card, “I’m not sure how this even got here.”

“That’s okay,” said Danny, “I just wanted to make sure it was the same as last time.”

.

“Hey! Phantom!” called Ember across the crowd of ghosts that had gathered in the cemetery. Most of them were fire or nature themed. “You’re in for a treat!”

Danny, who had been examining the flowers left on his grave, looked up. “I am?”

Ember draped her arm around Danny’s shoulder. She’d been a lot more friendly with him since the corpse incident. “Sure are.” She stepped up onto the surface of his memorial, pulling him up behind her. Danny shook off a brief chill and looked around.

Ghosts were streaming into the cemetery from various directions, bringing armfuls of flowers with them. Danny could see two, huge bonfire piles of flowers growing near the cemetery gates.

“Are there going to be cows?” asked Danny, who was still fuzzy on the details of the ghostly side of the celebrations.

“I don’t know,” said Ember. “When I’ve seen this done in the GZ there are. Here? Who knows. Maybe we’ll just walk through.”

Danny nodded, unworried. Beltane sure was an interesting holiday.

The last armful of flowers was placed, and every flower in the cemetery caught on fire at once. Including the ones on Danny’s grave. Danny yelped, jumping into flight. As an ice core ghost, he vastly preferred cold to heat.

This went without saying, but fire was very hot.

Ember grabbed his foot, and he almost kicked her. “You knew that was going to happen,” he accused.

“Sure did, babypop,” said Ember, grinning. “Come on, don’t you want to pass through the bonfires?”

Danny eyed the very large bonfires on either side of the cemetery gates. They were lit up with sparks like fireworks, shifting like flowers blooming and withering and blooming again. They were beautiful and impressive, and Danny felt like melting just by looking at them.

“I don’t know…” He wanted to, but… melting…

“Well, if you want to go out the other way and be horribly unlucky for the next year…”

Danny narrowed his eyes. “Is that another trick?” he asked.

Ember’s grin grew wider, and she took off towards the gates. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Danny sighed and followed her.

.

“Unbelievable,” said McGee. “Absolutely unbelievable.” He gave the elderly cultist a boost into the wagon.

“I know, right?” said Patterson. “All this property damage and a low-key kidnapping,” she gestured to the hapless late night partier who had called the police when the cult got too insistent about their message, “and they didn’t even have the good drugs?” She shook her head. “Not that we ever arrest anyone just for drugs in this town.”

“I did not just hear you say that,” muttered McGee.

“We’ll make an Amity Parker out of you yet,” said Collins, heartily, slamming the back door of the wagon. He thumbed the button on his radio. “Any other disturbances?” he asked.

“No, you’re good to come back,” said the dispatcher.

“What I don’t get,” said McGee, leaning against a nearby wall in a moment of weakness, “is why we aren’t breaking up whatever cult thing is happening in the cemetery.” They’d seen it quite clearly on their way here.

“Because those are ghosts,” said Patterson.

McGee took a deep breath. “The ghosts are having some kind of ritual in the cemetery, and you aren’t worried.”

“Not really, no.”

“I hate it here,” said McGee.

“Do you, though?” asked Collins, sounding genuinely interested in the answer.

McGee opened his mouth to snap back that, yes, he did. But…

Hm. Huh.

Collins patted him on the back.