#It just came out like bluaghgahgaghahg

[narbevoguel]

Hello guys. It's been a while since I made a post like this, but today I wanted to talk about my art. I haven't posted something proper in forever, and to say I haven't spent this entire time at least doodling a thing or two would be a lie, but there's a reason why I haven't been posting much and just keeping my art semi private, or multiple, let me explain (I'll have a TLDR at the end if you don't wanna bother with this, but written awfully):

First, I believe you guys deserve more than some stupid sketches. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sketching, aesthetic aside, drawing multiple sketches a day is how I pushed myself to experiment new things and just get better overall, plus I draw them fast, so I could pull a bunch of sketches in the time it takes me to color just one, so I could spill one silly idea after the other. I don't know why or exactly when I started to feel like this is just not worth it for you guys, that you deserve more from me than what I put out, that maybe I disappoint you immensely. This isn't even about reach, I don't care about that, this is about me showing something worth to see.

Second, is how I chose to spend my time. Last year was a very busy year for me overall, my job became increasingly demanding at times, lotsa personal issues that stressed me out immensely, which resulted in me using my remaining free time doing other activities, including spending time with people I shouldn't have been so permissive with (except my gang, that's why I made it a New Year's Resolution to annoy you guys more, you know who you are), it became a thing where I was even afraid to say no to them in favor of my art or other me-activities in fear of them taking it the wrong way, which, in a weird way, ended up happening anyway and resulted in long term passive aggressive conflict, and well, all of this negativity and then some, especially combined, made me reluctant to pick my pen up most of the time, which leads me to my next point.

Third, not drawing as often made me lose my momentum considerably. I could draw stuff comfortably without much artblock, if at all, or something I thought looked ugly. It just came out naturally, sometimes without even using references, it was crazy, but I feel I lost that momentum; don't get me wrong, I don't think my art looks worse than before, far from it, I did a comparison a couple of days ago and I noticed that despite all these issues, I have indeed improved a lot, thing is, I still feel it doesn't look good, I can't seem to know where I want to go with it, or what I want it to look like, I have no idea how to describe this feeling of "I hate immensely what I've been doing", maybe I'm beating myself up too hard and this is a result of not sharing anything with you guys, but I want to be comfortable with the characters I always draw before I bring them out again (although for some reason Purah's perfection always makes my doodling easier, she has become my ultimate comfort character it seems, hah).

All that said, I want to change things this time. I'm not sure if I'll post more like I did before, or if I'll post less than I used to, but I want to post things again. Maybe won't start soon, but will definitely do it. I've even been stocking up on traditional materials to pick the pen back up in other ways as well (haven't done this since my college days, so I'm a bit excited), I don't want to make promises I can't keep (you guys know I'm terrible with keeping up with stuff lol), but I will try my hardest to post more finished pictures and less sketches. It might result in me posting less art and/or jokes as before, but we'll see where that leads me. I'm still not sure if I'll continue to keep the sketches to myself or not, but one step at a time, step one is to just stop beating myself up, turns out my negativity knows how to throw hands. If you read ALL to this point, my most sincere thanks, I know it isn't easy to put up with my crap, and if you didn't it's fine, I still love you, in fact, I'll sum it up for you below.

TLDR: I'm a stupid piece of crap that didn't know how to manage my free time which resulted in me developing a very serious case of imposter syndrome and I'm throwing hands back in hopes, no, in expectancy of walking out of it a victor, for my sake, and for you guys as well.

Anyway, thanks for reading, short or long version, and remember, a Purah a day, keeps uh, the heart happy and brain mushy, or something like that.