#yeah no they are. absolutely. no contest. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

emotionoitme · 3 days ago

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i didn't know (2)

i didn't know - skinshape

this is the second post for this chapter because of tumblr's block limit. read the first one here

“this one?” she holds up a silky black fabric, “or…this one?” it looks the same, but red.

he stares at the options blankly for a second.

“i, uh…the red one?” he answers cluelessly. either way he’s gonna wanna rip it off of her the second she puts it on.

she gives him a look to elaborate.

��i don’t know,” he sighs, “you could wear a garbage bag to dinner and look good.”

“oh, that would be cute,” she rolls her eyes, setting the options back down on the bed.

it was one of those rare days where carmen had taken off work to relax, sprawled out on her bed—shirtless with unruly curls.

“try ‘em on for me,” he suggests, folding his arms behind his head.

her eyes dart to the bulge of his biceps, his armpit hair, having absolutely no idea why the sight is so enticing.

“mkay,” she smiles, pulling the hem of her borrowed shirt up over her head, revealing nothing besides panties underneath.

“fuck,” he groans, enunciating the word sharply, graciously taking in the sight in front of him. “come over here.”

this puts a grin on her face. no matter how many times she does it, he always has the same reaction. she begins to saunter over to his side of the bed, watching how he tilts his chin up like he’s expecting a kiss.

“i could just wear this tonight,” she suggests, trailing her finger over his jaw.

he gives a hum of approval. “except we wouldn’t leave the house,” caressing her hip gently.

“we could have a night in,” she suggests. he shakes his head.

“we always do. i wanna take you out.”

“yeah?” she leans in, placing a gentle kiss to his lips, “you gonna wine and dine me?”

“mhm. give me a real kiss.”

she giggles and leans back in again, giving him another soft, barely-there peck before pulling away again. he tightens his jaw and snaps the band of her panties, making her release a small yelp.

“more,” he demands.

“so needy,” she teases, tracing her finger over his lip, catching the bottom one and pushing it down to show his teeth. she loves using his own words against him.

“fuck off,” he laughs, turning his head away.

“i’ll give you a real one on our date.”

“i have to wait that long?”

“mhm,” she picks up the black dress and walks in front of the mirror, holding it in front of her body, “you can work on your self restraint.”

“i have plenty of self restraint,” he argues, sitting up onto his forearms.

“yeah right,” she slips into the fabric and threads her arms through the straps.

“oh, and you do? you came onto me within the first month of living here.”

“i would’ve done it earlier if you were home more often,” she admits unashamedly. “what do you think? cute?” turning so he could see the front of the dress.

“you-,” he stops in his tracks, eyes flickering over the way the fabric hugs her figure, “i wouldn’t say cute.” hot is more fitting, “but yeah, i like it.”

she rolls her eyes, and slips the straps back down her shoulders.

“but y’know that means you have less self restraint than me, right?” he asks, revisiting the disagreement, “because i was gonna keep it…professional.”

“professional, my ass. i saw the way you would look at me when i first moved in.”

“wh-how would i look at you?”

“how you’re looking at me right now.”

oh. his eyes snap back up to her face, having been caught red handed. it’s not his fault she looks good. and after all, he is just a man.

she turns away from him and shimmies the dress down her hips.

“okay. fine,” he concedes, craning his neck to watch her breasts in the mirror, “but i did restrain myself.”

“please,” she scoffs, “i had you wrapped around my finger the second i got here.” she turns back to him, and watches his eyes flicker down her body, then back up.

he takes a moment to respond, a look of contemplation on his face. she wasn’t wrong, at all. but he still felt the need to contest.

“tell you what,” he sits up, “we can put it to the test.”

she gives him a questioning look, tilting her head to the side.

“no touching. no kissing…first one to break loses.” he has a smug smirk on his face.

“you’re not funny,” she says, unamused.

“i’m being serious. you say i don’t have restraint, but i know you don’t.”

“you’re gonna eat those words. i’m gonna kick your ass at this game,” she retorts.

“yeah?”

“mhm. winner gets head.”

“fine by me,” he nods. either way, he’ll win.

“i’m still gonna hold your hand tonight, though.” she pouts.

“yeah. we’ll just keep it uh…PG.”

she snorts out a laugh at this. “PG?”

“mhm.” he nods. “family friendly.”

“okay. well get out of my room then. cause i kind of wanna pounce on you.”

carmen lets out a soft laugh. this was going to be an easy game.

…or so he thought.

up until the moment she came down the stairs in that fucking red dress.

it hugs her curves like a glove, dawning dainty straps and a plunging neckline. his brain actually stutters for a moment watching her descend the stairs, just silently staring at her with eyes wide as saucers.

a grin forms on the girl’s face at his stunned expression. she put the dress on expecting a reaction, but wasn’t expecting speechless.

“jesus christ,” is the first thing that exits his mouth, and it comes out strained.

“you like it?” she asks, giving a slow turn so he could admire it at every angle.

“it’s-yeah…you look…amazing.”

“bet you wanna touch, huh?” she teases with a grin on her face.

“i’m-yeah. fuck yeah, i do.” he exhales, standing from the couch, walking closer to her.

“well, you can,” she reaches forward to straighten out his suit jacket, “if you keep it PG.”

he lets out a small chuckle at this, placing a hand on her hip, stroking his thumb against her. he studies her face. the way she’s done her makeup is classy and light. she’s wearing a red lipstick that makes him wonder what it would look like smeared across her face.

“what’s up with your tie?” she asks, breaking him out of his trance. she’s furrowing her brows at the knot.

“oh, i, uh…i can’t really tie one,” he admits bashfully. “i’ll do it for you,” she gives him a soft smile and reaches to undo the knot.

the way her fingers brush against his neck leaves his skin feeling hot.

like most things between them recently, it feels very domestic, having her tie his tie. he can’t stop staring at her as she does it, either, transfixed with the way she’s all dolled up for him.

“there,” she loops the knot, and pushes it up to tighten, “very handsome.” her hand comes to the side of his face, and she strokes her thumb over his jaw. the way their eyes lock feel more intimate than carmen expects, feeling as if he’s baring his soul under her gaze. he wants to kiss her so bad, inwardly cursing his juvenile challenge he posed hours ago. cursing the fantasies that flood his mind of keeping her at home—providing for her, having her tie his ties and pack his lunches and have his babies. cursing the cruel way in which the world seems to rip away all that brings him joy.

“you, uh…ready to go?” he clears his throat, pulling away from her, turning his head to hide a pained expression.

“yeah. let me just grab my wallet.”

“leave it,” he commands, “you won’t need it.”

a slight look of surprise forms on her face, morphing into a smile as the implication seeps in.

“just wait for a second,” she turns to walk to the stairs, “it’s on my nightstand.”

carmen grabs her wrist with a “hey,” stopping the girl in her tracks.

“what did i just say?” he chides lowly. “leave it. let’s go.”

she turns to face him, taking in his serious expression. stern and handsome—it makes her want to push. but she figures she can save it for later, after she wins.

“yes sir,” she responds, gazing up at him endearingly.

he’s almost a little surprised at her obedience. feels himself puff up a little at the name.

without another word, he opens the door and offers his arm. she takes it happily.

the entire date ends up being a lot fancier than she ever would have expected.

carmen had explained to her, as they rode in the back of the private car he had ordered, that he wanted to make tonight really special. partially to make up for the fact that he hadn’t been gentlemanly enough to take her out on a proper date before tonight, but mostly just because he wanted to spoil her with some good food before she leaves.

“now, uh…i know you said you didn’t wanna go to my restaurant. but i was thinking we could just stop in so you could see it.”

“n-no, i do wanna go,” she asserts quickly, “i’d love to see it. i was just a little…embarrassed.”

he lets out a small chuckle at this.

“you don’t need to be. i’ll get us a private table and everything.” he nods, reaching over to rest a hand on her thigh. “no one will bother us.”

“yeah?” it sounds promising.

“yeah, baby. i’ll take care of it.”

he pulls out his phone to make a call.

it makes her stomach flutter a little bit.

when they arrive, she’s a bit taken aback by the bear. she already knew it was a nice place—though she wasn’t expecting the type of michelin star dining that leaves people speechless.

they’re seated the moment they walk in, and escorted to a table near the back of the restaurant, slightly hidden by the thick foliage of a potted plant.

carmen pulls her chair out for her, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before sitting down across from her.

“this is…it’s beautiful in here, carm.”

“yeah?” he can’t help the boost her words give him, looking around a bit, “you think so?”

“it’s incredible,” she nods, “i had no idea it would be so fancy.”

he lets out a small chuckle at this, placing his hand atop hers. he goes to thank her, but is interrupted by the greeting of their waitress.

the girl smiles in reply, feeling bad for the clearly nervous employee that has to serve the big boss.

they order signature cocktails that cost so much the prices aren’t even listed on the menu. she supposes this follows the premise that if you have to ask for the price of something, you can’t afford it. it makes her grateful for her wallet left atop the nightstand.

“what’s the first thing you’re gonna do when you’re back home?” he asks, taking a sip of the old fashioned he had ordered. it’s easier to talk about when he’s not thinking about how soon it’ll be a reality.

“go to the beach,” she responds quietly, after a moment, “and get in the water. even if it’s freezing cold.”

“yeah?” a smile forms on his face at the mental image.

“yeah, i uh…like chicago. but i really do miss home. and i miss my friends.”

“totally.” he gives her a knowing nod.

“carmy, do you-” she sighs, fidgeting with her ring, “can i call you? when i’m back?”

“you fuckin’ better.” he responds quickly.

the girl smiles at the sternness of his response, and reaches out to touch his hand.

“okay,” she nods, “good. cause i’m gonna miss you.”

“yeah, it’s…it’s not gonna be easy.” understatement of the year. “it’ll work out though. i’ll come visit you or somethin’.”

and despite the weight of the circumstances, she smiles at this, and brings his hand up to her lips, placing a slow, tender kiss to the side of it. just wanting to show her appreciation. “you’d like it, i think. it’s really different from here.”

“yeah?”

“mhm. and my friends would freak meeting you.”

“why’s that?” he raises his eyebrows.

“cause i mean, look at you. i’d probably have to fight them off.”

carmen lets out a soft laugh at this, shaking his head in disbelief. “y’know, i’ve thought the same thing about you? just wanna keep you to myself.”

she smiles, and moves from kissing his hand to kissing his fingers.

carmen rests his thumb on her cheek, tightening his jaw as she moves onto his middle finger. how she places another kiss, pressing her lips to him, holding his wrist gently and looking up at him through her eyelashes.

the sight is kind of erotic.

“you, uh…” he clears his throat, shuffling forward in his seat, “you giving up on our game?”

“no,” she has this innocent look on her face, like she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing, “this is PG.” carmy feels the immense urge to shove his fingers in her mouth and make her suck.

“nothing about that is… stop,” he grunts as she softly bites him. it’s clear that she’s trying to get him to fold. and she’s right on track so far.

“fine. you’re no fun.” she pouts, releasing his hand and sitting straight.

“i’m not gonna lose to you.”

“yes you are,” she smiles, resting her chin in her hand.

his eyes flicker down to the strain of her breasts against the neckline of the dress. maybe he is.

“nah.” he shakes his head. “no way.”

her gaze roams over him, and she bites at her lip.

“well i might. you look so slutty in that suit.”

“i-…what?”

“you heard me.”

“i look…slutty?” there’s a perplexed expression on his face.

“super slutty. you’re so getting it when we’re home.”

“jesus,” he exhales a laugh, averting his eyes from her face, “you drunk off that one cocktail?”

“no!” she smiles, rolling her eyes. “i just thought you’d wanna know. i can't stop looking at you. you’re giving me dirty thoughts.”

he meets her eyes again with a smile, and puts his hand flat on the table, reaching out for her. when she gives him her hand, he glances at the red nail polish adorning her fingers.

“i, uh… i can't stop looking at you either.” he runs his thumb over her skin. “i’m…crazy about you. you know that, right?”

“i know,” she purrs, softly raking her nails over his skin softly, looking at him through her eyelashes.

it him feel a little feral. he takes a deep breath in through his nose.

“so, you can give up on this stupid challenge already?” his tone is low.

“no way,” she pouts, “i want my prize.”

“yeah?”

“yeah. and don’t forget this was your idea in the first place.”

he goes to defend himself when he’s cut off by a familiar chuckle.

“well, shit, welcome back!”

the girl freezes, staring straight ahead at carmen. the voice is easily recognizable. she hesitantly turns her head to put the name to a face.

“richie,” carmen greets unenthusiastically, giving him a small nod.

“you just can’t get enough of us or what?” richie chuckles, glancing at the girl quickly. he does kind of a double take, snapping his head back to her with wide eyes.

she sheepishly meets his gaze, trying to not crumble under the intense look he’s giving her.

“this is, uh…” carmen narrows his eyes at the man, “this is my girlfriend, -” he introduces her name.

richie blinks slowly, like he’s trying to process, repeating her name. testing how it feels in his mouth.

“uh, nice to-…nice to meet you. i’m richie.” he thrusts his hand forward.

“nice to meet you, richie,” she smiles, giving him a gentle shake. this is the most intense eye contact she’s experienced in a while. the silence is tense, and he’s staring at her with this perplexed admiration.

“you’re…wow,” richie chuckes, “do you have an older sister or something?”

“jesus christ, richie! go fuck off back to the front you asshole,” carmen snaps, face growing slightly red. “hey, i’m sorry about him,” richie apologizes to the girl, “he forgets that this is a nice establishment where we don’t use crass language.” his eyebrows are raised as he smooths his jacket.

she opens her mouth to respond, but carmy’s scolding cuts her off, snapping at the man to go do his job and “stop fucking around”.

“hey, i just wanted to come introduce myself to your lovely date,” richie puts his hands up in defense, “can i get you anything else, sweetheart?” he asks the girl, “you want another one of those?” pointing to her cocktail.

“maybe after dinner, thank you,” she responds politely.

“ahh okay, i like the manners! you could teach your little boyfriend over here a thing or two.”

the man has a goofy charm about him, and although carmen is getting more irate by the second, she’s amused.

“i’m trying. but he’s kind of stubborn.” her eyes flicker over to carmen, giving him a playful smile. his frown softens at this.

“ha! don’t i know it! last week he-”

“richie,” carmy interrupts, “can you go check on our order?”

“carm,” the girl groans. they didn’t place their order yet. he gives her a pleading look to just go along with it.

and whether it’s the use of his nickname or the intonation of her voice, this look of recognition washes over richie’s face and his eyes widen. he looks at carmy, then back at her. a laugh bubbles out, and he slaps a hand over his mouth, clearing this throat. his face is red.

the girl almost dies of embarrassment on the spot, knowing exactly which dots are connecting in his head.

“okay! yeah. well. nice meeting you. i’m just gonna…” he gestures behind him, backing away with a stifled grin on his face.

when she looks back at carmen, his head is in his hand and his eyes are tightly shut. when richie is out of sight and he finally looks back up to her, there’s a pained looked on his face.

“i’m-…jesus christ, i'm sorry about that.” he exhales.

the girl feels dumbfounded by the situation, and doesn’t know what to say.

she tries to keep it in, but bursts into giggles. there’s a brief look of surprise on the man’s face which forms into a small smile. he’s giving her the kind of bewildered look that says “i’m glad you found that funny because i was about 3 seconds away from getting physical”.

she rests her head in her hand, trying to take deep breaths and stop her laughing. it doesn’t really work.

carmy’s expression of bewilderment softens and he begins to grin watching her.

she finally gets control over herself and straightens, huge smile on her red face, wiping a stray tear from her eye with a big sigh.

carmen thinks it’s probably the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. and there’s this sharp pain in his chest that feels like love but also like loss. like he’s discovered this secret to life that’s about to be stolen and never given back.

his thoughts are interrupted by their waitress setting plates down in front of them. she introduces the dish, and tells them that chef sydney plated it specially for them.

the girl has a big smile on her face, as she raves about how nice everything is, but carmy can’t help but feel a bit sad for the rest of the night.

they return home hand in hand. the chill november air smells crisp like winter. leaves in the gutters rustle with the gentle breeze.

as they walk from the car, she wraps her arm around his and leans in, resting her head on him for a moment.

he turns his head and smiles at her.

“i don’t know if i ever told you this…but uh,” he glances over her face, “you’re really beautiful.”

“thank you, carmy” her soft smile grows, “i think you have told me.”

“not enough.” he’s kind of in a trance, pace slowing as he watches her face. she giggles and pulls him forward to the entrance.

the doorman of their building lets the two in, giving a small smile watching the young lovers laugh, that gleam of infatuation shining bright over their faces.

as the elevator doors close, and she turns to face him, their laughs slowly cease. they stare at each other intently.

“stop doin’ that” he mutters lowly.

“doing what?”

“you keep looking at my lips.”

“i really want to kiss you.” she bites at her lip, eyes fluttering as she keeps staring.

carmy exhales harshly at this, clenching his fists to keep his hands to himself.

she leans forward, bringing her face closer to his. he smells so fucking good, looks so handsome in his suit, she’s tempted to just tear him apart with her teeth.

“do it,” he challenges quietly, their lips so close.

she almost gives up on the challenge, leaning just a little closer, then-

ding

saved by the bell, literally. the elevator doors open to their floor.

she gasps softly at the noise, pulling away from him, face feeling hot, core tingling.

she had complained earlier, but this challenge is fun.

they hurriedly make their way to the door of their unit.

the girl stumbles in her heels and almost face plants, but carmy catches her, wrapping an arm around her waist and preventing her from falling.

without warning, he hoists her up, trying to throw her over his shoulder.

“carmy!” she yelps, “put me down!” secretly hoping he doesn’t.

he hoists her up some more, and she folds over his shoulder, dangling upside down, laughing harder than she has in a long time.

“you’re too clumsy,” he teases, hand securely gripping onto the back of her thigh, walking them the last 20 feet to their door. with his free hand he retrieves his keys, unlocks the door and nudges it open.

he only puts her down once the door is closed behind him, and she wobbles on her feet when he does so, gripping onto his arms for stability.

her face is rosy from the blood rushing to her head, and she has a girlish smile on her face as she looks up at him.

“you’re strong.”

he just smiles softly, gazing down at her.

“can you make me another one of those moscow mules?”

“yes, chef!” she returns, kicking off her heels and walking towards the kitchen.

he runs a hand through his hair, sighing longingly, and follows, sitting on one of the barstools opposite the counter where she stands.

“put on some music?” she asks softly, turning on the kitchen speaker.

“what do you want me to play?” he opens his bluetooth and connects.

“i dunno. something romantic.” the girl has a sweet smile on her face, measuring out the vodka for his drink.

he shuffles an oldies playlist—the songs from the 1940s/1950s that sound like real love. like loving and being loved unconditionally. like settling down and coming home to each other every day.

“good choice,” she compliments, cracking open a ginger beer. “i love this kind of music.” a frank sinatra song plays softly.

“me too. it’s kind of nostalgic.” he thinks of the old black and white movies he would watch with his mom.

“here,” she hands him the cold drink, garnished with mint and lime.

“thank you,” he has a small smile on his face, taking a sip. it’s bubbly and refreshing.

she clicks the speaker up a few notches, and hums along, putting away all of the drink materials.

carmen loves the sound of it.

the girl saunters over to him and perches herself on his lap, hand circling behind his neck.

his arm wraps around her back as she steals his drink to take a sip.

“good, huh?” he praises, dragging his thumb along the fabric of her dress.

“it’s okay,” she sets the cup down, “not as good as the michelin star cocktail i had earlier.”

“i disagree.”

“oh really?” she has this smile of disbelief.

“mhm. this could be award winning, easily.”

“you’re just saying that.”

“no. m’serious.” his hand rests on her knee, and he rubs it along her leg softly.

she just smiles at this, and leans in to pepper kisses along his cheek and jaw. the first song fades into the next.

“wanna dance?” she smiles against his skin.

“dance?”

“yeah. slow dance with me.”

“i, uh… i don’t know how.”

“what do you mean you don’t know how?” she giggles, standing up from his lap. “come here.”

he slowly joins her in the living room, a bashful expression on his face. he’s never been able to dance. it’s always made him feel stupid. but even so, he approaches.

this love of mine goes on and on.

she takes his hand and gently puts one on her waist, holding the other. she loops her other arm around his neck. carmy finds his nerves are almost immediately eased.

they sway gently. the light is low and an ella fitzgerald song resonates through the room. it’s slow, and kind of sad. but still romantic.

though life is empty since you’ve been gone.

carmen closes his eyes and rests his forehead on hers, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly sentimental.

his arms wrap around her further, and he pulls her closer. the music has an old fashioned grainy sound to it that makes it sound sweet.

she leans in to kiss his neck, chest pressed flush against his. she feels a surge of warmth throughout her chest. feeling grateful. relishing the moment. resting her head against him.

the two just sway gently, taking light steps ever so often.

it almost felt as if they were playing pretend—both dressed in their nicest clothes, tipsy off of $20 cocktails, swaying to the romantic music. pretending the end isn’t in sight.

i ask the sun and the moon. the stars that shine.

he pulls back to get another look at her face. tries to ignore the way his throat tightens.

what’s to become of it, this love of mine?

the girl’s gaze is longingly fixed on his handsome face.

“i really did have a wonderful time tonight,” she whispers.

he gives her a smile, but it looks kind of sad.

“i’m glad.”

“i don’t really know how to say this, but…” she drops his hand and wraps both arms around his neck, getting a bit closer, “i…i’m really happy i met you.”

he releases the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, eyes flickering over her face. he really wants to kiss her.

“i-…you know i’m never gonna be able to stop thinking about you?”

“i know, carm. i won’t either.” she hates how sad he looks. “but it’ll get easier, yeah?”

“yeah.” it’s gotta be the biggest lie he’s ever told someone.

“i love you, you know?” her confession comes as a whisper.

“i know, baby,” his tone is low, and he tightens his grip on her hips, like he’s afraid of her disappearing, “i love you too.”

what’s to become of it, this love of mine?

the song fades out slowly, and for some reason the music stops all together. the silence is thick, and the two lovers stare at each other with a palpable tension.

her eyes dart down to his lips.

“i um…i think i give up.” she whispers.

his brows furrow. before he can ask her what she means, the girl leans in and presses a firm, sweet kiss to his lips. and as innocent as the gesture is, it makes the air feel hot. makes it feel heavy. gives him goosebumps all over his arms. makes him groan.

almost instantly, carmen grabs the back of her head and pulls her against his lips, desperate to get more. he really does try to match her slow pace but he just needs it. he slips his tongue into her mouth, not even realizing how bad he needs it until he tastes her.

the girl reciprocates for a moment, a small smile forming at the unexpected ferocity. her hands come to his chest and she eases herself away from him, feeling him chase her lips.

“slow down,” she teases, helping to alleviate some of his hunger with a gentle kiss, a small grin on her face.

she’s really good at using his words against him, he thinks to himself.

“you look pretty,” the girl says in a low tone, eyes raking over the lipstick she’s left smudged over his pouty, swollen lips. slutty is probably the more accurate term.

“pr-…what?” his brain stutters.

the girl swipes her thumb over his lips and shows him the red stain, before leaning forward to pepper gentle kisses along his cheek, jaw, down to his neck.

it surprises carmen when she keeps moving downwards, threading her fingers into his tie and loosening the knot, kissing and nipping at every inch of skin she can find. she moves eagerly, but gently—really savoring the way he tenses and shudders from the light touches. this time feeling as if she holds the power.

the girl drops to her knees, smiling up at his look of wide-eyed shock as she fumbles with the buckle of his belt.

“w-what are you doing?” he rasps, clearing his throat.

“what do you mean?” she’s looking up at him innocently, slowly undoing his button and zipper.

“you, uh…you don’t have to.” he’s fixated on how pretty she looks down on her knees for him, “i know we made that bet, but if you don’t want to,-”

she pulls his briefs down to expose his cock and cuts him off with a breathy moan. it springs from confinement, tip red and throbbing. the sight alone is enough to send heat pooling between her legs, and she hungrily dives forward to lick a single stripe up the side of it.

carmen lets out a low groan, still surprised by how enthusiastically she dove to her knees—her droopy eyes, the satisfied grin on her face looking up at him—it’s as if she didn’t even care about the challenge. like it’s prize enough just to please him.

the girl softly grips his cock, leaning in and planting kisses teasingly along the length of it. making her way to the tip. it twitches in her hand. she flattens her tongue against the head of his cock and just pauses there for a second, looking up at his twisted brows and red cheeks with an amused expression. trying to gauge him.

carmen intently watches her—pink tongue, manicured nails, looking up at him through her lashes. he lets out a guttural groan when she swirls her tongue around the head of his cock.

the girl takes a breath and dives forward to take him into her mouth.

“jesus.” his hand comes to card through her hair, pushing it out of her way as she hungrily takes him in.

he’s thick and heavy in her mouth. she gives a few bobs of her head, coating him in her saliva, trying to find what makes him tick. tasting his distinct flavor and pressing her thighs together to try and chase some relief.

“fuck, that’s-,” he exhales sharply as she moves her head up and down the length of his shaft, saliva coating his skin, beginning to stick to his pubic hair, “that’s good. keep doin’ that.” it’s more of a plea than a command.

she doesn’t, though, instead easing her mouth from his cock, watching as a string of spit connects them as she pulls back with a soft giggle.

he knows he’s completely fucked for her when his erection twitches at the noise. he rakes his eyes over her flushed face and chest. the way her lipstick is smudged across her spit-glossed lips.

“keep doing what?” she asks teasingly.

“you-…stop fuckin’ playing with me,” he rasps exasperatedly.

the girl smiles at his tone, and leans forward to give gentle kitten-like licks over his throbbing head.

“m’not-” a kiss, “playing with you, carmy,” another kiss, “i’m just…enjoying myself.” she gently jerks the length of him, opening her mouth, bumping him against her tongue with every few strokes. she finds herself getting aroused trying to push his buttons like this.

“you’re-mmh…you’re gonna fuckin’ get it if you don’t stop.”

“you want me to stop?” she asks sweetly, “okay.” she drops her hand and sits back on her heels, watching as his erection bobs up and down.

carmen’s gaze darkens, jaw clenched.

“you-…” he scoffs, “i can see right through what you’re doing.”

“oh yeah?” she tests, “what am i doing?”

“you’re trying to get me to get rough with you.”

bingo. she kind of wants a face fucking.

“no i’m not.” the girl bites at her lip unconvincingly.

“yes you are. and i'm not going to.”

“wha-why?” she pouts, scooting closer to him. his cock brushes against her cheek.

“not like this. i don’t wanna hurt you.” he reaches forward to brush a piece of hair behind her ear, letting his hand trail over her face.

“you won’t,” she whines, eyes darting between his face and his raging erection. it’s big, so maybe he will. but she doesn’t care. “i can take it.”

“you like to argue,” he grumbles, taking ahold of her face, squeezing her cheeks together slightly. she looks so cute like this.

“carm,” she whines, “i can take it. promise i can. please?”

carmen releases her face, trailing his hand behind her head and gripping her hair. with his other hand he fists his cock and gently eases it forward, rubbing the tip against her slick, pouty lips.

“open,” his tone is low, and he slowly pushes himself into her mouth when she complies. he goes until he feels restriction, and pulls back.

the girl lets out a sound of disagreement at this.

“hey.” carmen chides firmly, “you’re gonna take what i fuckin’ give you.” he watches the way her eyelids flutter at his stern tone. the way she shifts her body overtop her heel.

the girl lets a sigh out through her nose and tries to exercise patience as the man slowly rocks his hips forward and back, never breaching the halfway point. remaining gentle and delicate in his motion.

when she tries to sink her mouth further forward, he grips her hair and harshly tugs her back. her yelp is muffled around his cock.

“what, baby? that hurt?” his tone has a mocking edge to it. “thought y’said you could handle it.” he pulls himself out of her mouth so she can respond.

“i can.” her voice trembles. face is red hot. panties soaked with slick.

“yeah?” he slaps his cock against her cheek, “gonna be a tough girl for me?”

“yes,” she pleads, eyes fixated on him, enthusiastically embracing his shift of dominance.

to her surprise, carmen steps away from her. he’s giving her this look as if he’s about to devour her. silence, for a moment. like he’s thinking.

“take off your dress.”

she blinks, processing the request for a moment. after she shoots up and undoes her zipper, she hastily shoves the fabric down her body, letting it pool around her ankles before stepping out. and by the time she’s about to get back on her knees, carmen’s own clothes are on the floor next to hers.

the man graciously rakes his eyes over her nude body, thanking each and every saint he could think of. grabbing her and pulling her in for a frantic kiss before she can sink back down to her knees. he can taste the fruity remnants of lime and mint on her lips from the cocktail she had at the restaurant.

the girl eagerly accepts his kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth, swallowing the small groan he releases.

“wanna taste you again,” she pleads in between kisses.

“yeah?” he bites at her lip.

“y-eah,” she gasps, surprised at how firmly he had nipped her.

carmen pulls away with a final kiss, moving to sit on the couch. he spreads his knees apart and locks eyes with the girl, a silent beckon to come.

she obeys, of course, and sinks down to the floor in between his legs, resting her hands atop his strong thighs. it’s only moments before she’s eagerly diving forward to take him into her mouth again.

carmy just watches her, savoring the moment. savoring how her tongue swirls around him and how she keeps going lower and lower. how her face gets redder and how she stares up at him with blown pupils. it’s surreal—almost dreamlike.

he gathers her hair in a haphazard ponytail, using his grip to push her a little further down. make her move a little faster. he can tell she likes it, too, by the way her moans vibrate around his cock.

carmen pulls her back by her hair, forcing her to take a breather. his eyes rake over her flushed cheeks and pouty lips. she looks like a little doll, and the juxtaposition of her pretty face with the filthy position drives him fucking crazy.

“stick your tongue out,” he tells her gruffly.

and she does, showing him her tongue and gazing up at him through her lashes.

carmy takes a firm hold of her face with his free hand and spits into her mouth. then eases his cock back inside.

it’s enough to make her want to cum on the spot.

the girl takes him in deeper than she had yet, almost hitting the back of her throat. and despite her gag, she continues to enthusiastically bob her head, desperate for more.

it’s so enjoyable, in fact, that she trails her hand down between her legs, beginning to circle her swollen clit just to alleviate some of the heat she felt. and it feels so fucking good just to have that added touch that her body goes a little limp, jaw goes slack.

she gives carmen complete control of her movements, tethered to him by the tight fist wrapped around her hair—consciously focusing on relaxing her throat as tears brim her eyes.

“jesus christ, that’s good, baby.” he shifts forward, filling her mouth with more of his length. watches in mild enjoyment as she gags around him.

“just relax,” he soothes, moving his free hand to caress her face, dragging her back by her hair.

the girl takes a sharp breath in as soon as she can, tears beginning to slip down her cheeks. her fingers are drenched with slick arousal, staring carmy in the eyes, lips parted as continues to eagerly rub circles over her clit.

“fuck me,” he strains, watching her play with herself, unaware of her desperation until that moment. the sight looks like it’s straight out of a porno. “you having fun down there?”

she nods her head eagerly, wiping some saliva from her chin with the back of her hand, leaning forward to try and take him back into her mouth.

carmen gives her hair a little tug, keeping her in place.

she glances up to give him a questioning look.

“come give me a taste.” his eyes glance down to her lips.

a small smile forms on her face as she processes his request. she gingerly leans forward, careful to not earn another tug, and licks a long stripe up his cock.

carmy loosens the grip on her hair as she goes to stand up, enthusiastically accepting her tongue into his mouth to taste himself.

there’s something about the ferocity of the kiss that makes him feel like he’s on the verge of finishing all over his stomach. he takes deep breaths trying to push the feeling away. and that’s before he feels the wet heat of her pussy rubbing against the tip his length.

the girl finds herself so desperate for release she begins to rock against his erection, letting it glide through her wet folds, gauging his reaction to see if he’ll stop her.

and he doesn’t, instead groaning into her mouth and grabbing her ass.

so the girl positions her wet hole over his cock, and slowly begins to sink down, letting out a gasp at the stretch.

“fuck,” the two chant in tandem, hers as a whimper and his as more of a gruff exhale.

carmen marvels about how perfect the stretch of her wet hot cunt feels around him as she eases herself down until she’s flush with his lap.

they just stare at each other for a second in this feral, pupils-blown kind of frenzy, mouths both agape at the sensation of his cock nudged so deeply within her. how she’s not even moving and it’s just so hot and wet and deep and fucking good.

carmen’s hand sides up her back, thumb pressing into the dip of her spine. his face is hot and his cock is throbbing and his mouth moves faster than his mind can.

“m’keeping you here with me,” he almost growls, pressing his fingers into her skin, eyes locked on hers. doesn’t miss the way she flinches a little at the words.

the girl grips the sides of his face, and leans forward, pressing her forehead against his, closing her eyes and shakily exhaling as she rocks her hips back and forth against him.

carmy says her name. it comes out strained. his hands grab her ass and he pulls and pushes her, intensifying the gentle rocking motion.

the girl presses her lips to his, hoping to quiet him with a kiss. hoping to forget about it and just enjoy the moment. but she feels him call her name again, this time against her lips. the girl begins to softly bounce herself on his lap, jostling his length inside of her.

“hey,” he exhales in between her eager kisses. “i didn’t mean-” another kiss, “-you just feel so good and i-”

“carmy,” she whispers softly against his lips, “be quiet baby. just-mmh… let’s just enjoy it.”

carmen groans into her mouth as she rocks her hips against his again, hand coming to the small of her back. and it’s definitely enjoyable. it’s just hard to not think about it ending. to not plead with her for just a little more.

the girl takes his scrunched face and nod as a gesture to keep going, so she shuffles her knees in a bit and begins slowly riding him. one hand touches his firm chest, the other trailing her kisses from his jaw to his neck.

“jesus christ,” is what slips from his mouth, as he feels her gentle bites, allowing himself to relinquish that control he holds so dearly, for just a moment.

when she pulls back from his neck, her face and chest are flushed, nipples perked, and she’s pushing her breasts out trying to get him to look.

but his eyes just remain fixed on hers, like he’s trying to memorize her blown pupils and color of her irises.

“is it okay?” she asks breathily as she keeps rocking her hips, feeling unexpectedly nervous under his intense gaze.

“you’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he mutters immedietly, as if he doesn’t entirely process her question.

and even though they were this far along, the girl finds herself feeling shy at his sincerity. she goes to deflect as she usually does to compliments that fluster her.

“n-no, i-”

“-you are. my pretty fuckin’ girl. never gonna let you outta my sight,” he almost growls.

and by this point her body is hot and her pussy is throbbing and she’s finding the words that come out of his mouth so incredibly tempting. the implications less serious under the blanket of lust. so her lips part in a moan and she presses her hand to his chest and begins to ride faster, easing off then re-impaling herself on his cock. his hands come up to cup her breasts, ghosting thumbs over her nipples.

“yes, carm.”

“yeah?”

“mhm. love how you touch me.”

she shuffles her feet under her knees, angling herself to be able to bounce a bit more comfortably.

“you feel so-fuck… so good, you know that?” carmen grits, face scrunching at the new sensation.

her stomach flutters at his praise, eyes raking down his form beneath her. his flushed skin. the way the muscle of his shoulder bulges out a little as he’s grabbing her like his life depends on it.

“feels so big,” she whisper-cries.

“yeah? is it too much?”

“n-no. so good. m’so full.”

his eyes glance down to where their bodies are connected. watches her ride him for a moment. groans at the way she becomes nearly all the way flush with his hips.

“so good at that,” he grits, mesmerized by the way her sticky arousal clings to his pubic hair. “take me so good. you like feelin’ full, huh?”

her mouth just falls open in response, eyes screwing shut as she feels him reach forward to circle her clit. the added pleasure only spurs her on, beginning to eagerly ride him, breasts bouncing in front of his face.

“holy shit,” she cries, surprised how easily she feels her orgasm building, nails leaving crescents on the skin of his shoulder.

“you close already, baby?” he whispers with a small, knowing grin on his face. “m’barely touching you.”

she just moans in response, unable to open her eyes, bucking her hips more wildly by the second, movements becoming sloppier, needier.

“just keep-ah…just stay right there,” she pleads, savoring his slick, feather-light touches to her clit, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“right there?” carmen eases his fingers back slightly at the sight of her tears, and it’s just enough pressure to keep her on edge.

“y-yeah, i’m…just please-” she cries pathetically, breaths becoming frantic, a static feeling tingling through her body. “please, carmy, m’gonna cum. just a little more.”

and he can’t help but just marvel at her. the twisted expression of pleasure on her face. the stray tear that slips down her cheek. it’s probably the most erotic thing he’s ever seen.

as a thank you for the next year of jerk-off material, he lets her have just a little more. watches with enjoyment as she finally comes unraveled with this loud, primal cry. feels the sting of her nails against his chest and bicep.

the man holds her hip with his free hand, thrusting up into her as her movement falters and she slumps forward.

“carm, i-” she gasps, body becoming overstimulated, thighs trembling.

“i got you, baby. i got you.”

“it’s-ah!”

“one more second, pretty girl, m’almost done. can you hold on for me?”

“y-yeah,” she cries, desperately grabbing onto him for dear life. there’s this overwhelming heat surging through her body. her lips feel numb and tingly. but she holds on and takes it like a big girl.

“you’re fuckin’ gripping me.” he strains, eyebrows twisted up in pleasure.

the girl isn’t able to respond through her jagged breathing, instead leaning forward to hungrily kiss him again.

“y’gonna have to move in a sec,” carmen warns, gripping her hips with bruising force.

“no,” she begins to move her hips against him, meeting his thrusts halfway.

carmy groans, eyes nearly rolling back into his head. “what do you mean no?” he strains.

“want it in me.”

“jesus, fu-” he exasperatedly exhales, “can’t baby. you know i can’t.”

they lock eyes, pupils blown.

“please. wanna feel it.” her plead comes in between desperate breaths.

“what, you want a baby or something?” the man asks her, partially in disbelief and partially in a fiery haze of lust.

“yes-!” she gasps. and even though a baby is probably the last thing she wants, there’s this inexplicable urge that overtakes. that revels in the idea of being linked with him forever.

“yeah?” he’s shocked by her answer, but not dissuaded, “you want me to put a baby in you?”

“yeah, carm. want your baby. wanna stay here with you.” the girl finds herself coming up on a second orgasm, relishing the way his cock perfectly nudges against her g-spot.

“fuckk,” he groans, face growing hot at her words, “you want that? really?” studying her expression for any trace of hesitation. finding none. “cause i’ll give it to you.” and he’s dead serious. he’ll buy a ring for her tomorrow if she wants it, he thinks to himself.

“yes, i want it,” she cries, “cum in me, please.”

and between the desperation of her plead and her breasts bouncing right in his face, it takes him about 5 more seconds before he erupts.

his cock twitches, body stiffens and he lets out a guttural moan, grabbing onto her hips with a bruising force.

and the feeling of his hot cum inside of her is enough for the girl to fall over the edge for a second time, tear-soaked eyes rolling back into her head, a whitehot bliss surging through her body.

the two lovers are overcome with the sensation, sexes pulsing rhythmically in sync, graciously sharing orgasms with each other.

carmen’s eyes are scrunched shut, brows furrowed and lips parted.

the girl’s head falls to his shoulder, shakily breathing through the feeling. trying to come back down to earth.

they just stay there for a moment, panting. recovering.

she finds that she can hear his heartbeat. zones into the rhythm. listens as it gradually slows.

carmy wraps his arms around her and nuzzles his face into her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

when she finally pulls back after a few minutes, she plants a gentle kiss to his lips.

“you good?” he asks against her mouth.

“so good.” and so full and so warm. she never wants to move.

but like all good things, they must come to an end. so the girl begins to slowly ease herself off his cock. and suddenly realizes what just happened.

“oh shit.”

“what?” carmen opens his eyes. watches as his cum slowly drips out of her. tries to take a mental picture.

but the girl quickly reaches over to grab a tissue off the coffee table, frantically wiping away the surplus of the stickiness leaking from her core.

“why didn’t you pull out?” her tone grows a bit frantic.

“wha-cause you fuckin’ begged me not to.” he shakes his head, trying to comprehend her question.

“i-…” she stutters, exhaling, “fuck, carmy, i’m not on birth control!”

he has this perplexed expression on his face, blinking slowly and trying to rationalize her response. “you…did you not want me to? m sorry, i-”

“-no, i know i told you to. i just-…i got caught up in the moment i guess.” between the release of her orgasm and the weight of her previous request, the girl finds herself fighting the urge to cry.

carmen must seem to notice this, because his hardened expression softens a bit. he quickly tries to think of something comforting to say.

“want me to take you to get a plan b?”

nice, carmy, he thinks to himself. he’s never been good at responding fast under pressure.

“yeah.” her response comes as a whisper. comes with a single tear. she turns her head away from him and embarrassedly tries to wipe it away.

“hey,” he says tenderly, going to hold the side of her face, turning her back to face him. just studies her face for a moment with furrowed brows, trying to think of what to say. “you…you know i’d support you, right? if you…whatever you decide.”

“really?” it’s hard for her to believe him.

“yes, really.”

“you’d want a baby?”

“if that’s what you want.” he has the most genuine expression on his face, eyes locked with hers. he watches another tear roll down her cheek and adds, “seriously. i’m all in.”

she’s shocked by his sincerity. it doesn’t make anything easier, either. just makes everything feel more confusing.

“i’m…carmy, i can’t.” her words come out as a kind of sob.

“that’s okay.” he reassures wholeheartedly. he doesn’t know why he feels just a little disappointed.

“but i want to.” the girl plants her hands on his bare chest. “it’s just…you’re older than me. you’re ready for that kind of thing. i’m…such a mess, i can’t even imagine being a mom yet.” it comes out choked, the tears just keep falling.

“i get it.” he nods. “really. you don’t have to explain yourself.” he rubs circles with his thumb along her hip. “i just wanted you to know. it’s your choice.”

“you’d wanna have a baby with me?” she wipes at her cheek.

“yeah.” he nods, brows furrowed. “of course i would.”

and just for a moment, the girl lets herself fantasize. lets her brain entertain the thought of having a family with him. of just leaving everything in california and starting new. of being so selfish and doing what she wants, just this one time.

the thought is so tempting she finds it hard to distance herself from. to rationalize.

she wouldn’t be a good mom. a good wife. not right now. she still has so much to learn about herself. so much to still figure out.

after a moment, she finally speaks.

“can you take me to cvs?”

carmen nods, and reaches up to wipe the last of her tears away.

he ignores the gnawing feeling of loss. has to remind himself it’s the loss of a fantasy.

the loss of something that never existed.

“fuck me.” she drops her bag to the ground, frantically opening pockets and unzipping zippers. “carm, i think i left my passport on the-“

“-no you didn’t.” he fishes in his back pocket for the booklet and hands it over. “here.”

the girl lets out a sigh of relief, staring up at the man with this perplexed, amazed expression.

“thank you.” it comes out in a sort of whisper, and when she goes to take it from him, their fingers brush against each other.

“you, uh…you only got an hour left.” he runs his hand through his messy hair. “y’should probably go find your gate.”

“yeah.” she stands. her bag remains on the ground. “okay.”

the two just stare at each other for a minute, locked in this trance-like state.

“you know, i-”

“-do you think we-”

their words overlap.

“i’m sorry, you go-”

“-no, go ahead.” carmen nods, a small smile on his face.

she takes a deep breath, piecing together what she even wants to say.

“just…thank you. for everything. and i’m gonna miss you.” her words don’t do it justice. there’s so much more she wants to say.

he nods, swallowing harshly. his fingers fumble for the piece of paper folded up in his pocket.

“i, uh…listen. i know you’re gonna be busy, and…want to focus on other things, which i get. but, uh…i was thinking, if you wanted…no pressure…uh,”

“what is that?” she interrupts, curiosity getting to the better of her, pointing to the folded up paper he holds.

“it’s uh…it’s a plane ticket. well, a voucher.” he hurriedly explains, “from LAX to ORD. i was thinking if you ever had a weekend free or something…” he trails off, trying to gauge her reaction. hoping he’s not overstepping.

she takes deep breaths—having promised herself earlier that she wouldn’t cry. but the moment she goes to open her mouth to speak, a sob comes out. she claps her hand over her mouth. closes her eyes as she feels carmen’s arms instantly wrap around her.

“hey,” he soothes, kissing the side of her head. “c’mon, don’t cry. you’re gonna make me cry.” his voice wobbles a bit.

the girl burrows her face into his chest, staining his shirt with tears.

“i don’t wanna go-!” she cries, clinging onto him as if her life depends on it.

“i know.” he nuzzles his nose into her hair. “i know, pretty girl. it’s gonna be okay.” his throat burns. face feels hot. and as much as he hates it, tears brim at his eyes. he told himself he wasn’t going to cry.

and so they just stand there, holding each other. ignoring the shuffle of the crowd around them as people queue into the security line.

ignoring the grainy announcements over the pa system.

ignoring the fact that it would’ve been so much less painful had they never gone so far.

for a moment, it feels like the world around them stops. the passage of time, the priority of leaving, all of it.

just for a moment. like they’re back in the living room and ella fitzgerald is playing.

“don’t forget about me,” she pleads into the fabric of his jacket.

“i don’t think i could if i tried.”

at this, she places a soft kiss onto his neck. “i’ll miss you.”

“me too,” carmen chokes out, grabbing at her waist, her hips, trying to memorize the feeling of her body against his.

and as the girl slowly tries to pull away, he holds her a little tighter, trying to turn his head so she doesn’t see him cry.

“carmy,” she whispers soothingly, reaching up to wipe a tear from his face.

“just, uh…call me when you land, yeah?” he brushes the gesture off, feeling all too vulnerable under her sympathetic gaze.

“okay.” she rubs his cheek.

“alright. i guess you should go get in line, then.” he goes to step back.

“wait.”

the girl pulls his face in and presses one last kiss to his lips. it feels like they lock together. like the perfect fit.

and carmen just melts into the feeling, letting out the smallest of groans into her mouth. it’s her taste, her smell, everything. for a split second he debates giving up on his dreams. selling the restaurant and following her to california. raising babies and laying in the sand and swimming in the ocean no matter how cold it is.

she slowly steps back, leaving him wanting just a little more.

“i love you.” she softly reminds him, holding his hand.

he nods, pressing his lips together and looking away from her. feeling so stupid for the tears that burn his eyes.

“i love you too.”

the girl takes another step back, letting her hand fall from his. picking up her bag and giving him one last good look. imprinting into her mind his messy curls and handsome face.

and it feels like there’s nothing left to say, really.

so she turns and walks away from him. towards the security checkpoint doors. taking deep breaths and wiping at her cheeks. she’s about to push through the doors.

don’t look back. do not look back.

she turns to look back at him. and he’s still there, standing in the same place she’d left him. his hands are in his pockets. jaw is clenched. just watching her with this look on his face that makes her want to dive into his arms and tell him she’ll stay.

the girl raises her hand. gives him a small wave. he returns the gesture with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

and with that, she pushes through the doors.

in a way, it feels like she’s leaving home. not returning home.

for the entire flight, she stares out the window in complete silence. thinking about the last few months. biting back more tears with every new thought.

she gets back to san diego around 6 in the evening. takes a taxi to the beach that’s a mile from her house.

sends carmy a picture of the waves rolling in, the sky stained a pinkish orange.

within a few minutes, she receives a heart on the photo.

he doesn’t send anything else.

it does feel good to be home. the girl has to continually remind herself of this over the next few weeks. it feels familiar. feels safe.

but along with the joy of being back home, there’s this underlying feeling of grief. a gnawing in her chest whenever she lays her head down at night.

she feels haunted by carmen, in a way.

her brain plays cruel tricks on her—mistaking any white man with curly brown hair at the supermarket for him just for a split second.

stalking his instagram. his restaurant’s instagram. his restaurant’s employee’s instagrams. trying to keep up with him.

she doesn’t call him. doesn’t text.

and carmy doesn’t either.

she opens their message thread ever so often just to make sure she didn’t miss his notification. types out messages and deletes them and stares at the heart he’d left on her picture.

she convinces herself that if he wanted to call her, he would’ve. takes his silence as a message.

on christmas day she has one cranberry cocktail too many and finally gives in. navigates to her contacts and presses on the phone icon next to his name.

and the line rings. and rings. and rings. and right before she’s about to hang up and drown herself in more cranberry cocktails, the line picks up.

“hey,” comes carmen’s voice through the phone. it’s so good to hear that the girl blanks out for a minute, not even sure of what to say. “hello?” he asks into the silence.

“fuck you,” she blurts out, clapping a hand over her mouth as soon as the words leave. it was just the first thing that came to mind.

after a stunned silence, she hears him give a surprised chuckle, followed by a “merry christmas to you too.” carmen grabs his jacket and opens the door of his mom’s house, stepping out into the cold, snowy night.

“you never called me.”

“i, um…i didn’t think you wanted me to,” the man responds truthfully, “you never responded.”

what? he never sent anything to respond to.

“respond to-…” she scoffs, “what, you ‘liking’ my message?”

“yeah,” he feels a little embarrassed hearing it out loud, “yeah, i guess i can see what you mean. i, uh…sorry. i was actually just thinking about you.”

his admission sends butterflies through her stomach. she rolls her eyes at the feeling.

“yeah, well merry christmas. and i hope you get coal.” her face feels hot. “and i miss you.” the last part spills out without her permission.

he gives her another soft laugh.

“yeah, i deserve coal. and i…i miss you so fucking much,” he admits, watching his breath freeze in the air in front of him, “you still liking it out there?”

“it’s alright.” her response comes softly. she plays with a loose thread on her sweater.

“yeah? your mom doing okay?”

“i guess. as okay as she can. is yours?”

carmen exhales, half humorous, half exasperation. “yeah. as okay as she can.” he had been called a bitch more times than he could count tonight, actually. but he keeps it light.

the girl just hums in agreement at this, and a brief silence settles between them. he’s the one to eventually break it.

“you, uh…you think about coming out anytime soon?” god, he wishes he had a cigarette. “still got your room empty.”

“yeah, i have.” it’s all she’s been thinking about. but she tries to stay nonchalant. “maybe after new years.”

“great, yeah.” his heart pounds a little faster at her words. “no pressure, just…yeah. i’d love to see you.”

“okay. i’ll um…i’ll let you know,” she tells him softly, feeling an overwhelming urge to cry.

“okay.”

“merry christmas, carmy.”

“merry christmas.” he shuffles from side to side. “stay in touch, yeah? it was really good to hear from you.”

“yeah, i will. you too. goodnight.”

“wait, i uh-” he wants to tell her he loves her.

“hm?” she puts the phone back up to her ear.

“just, um…take care of yourself, yeah?” he can’t seem to muster up the courage.

“i will.”

“okay. good.”

“i…i’m gonna feel stupid for saying this, but i love you, carm.”

he gets this feeling of relief and pain all in one. “i love you too.” so much. “thanks for callin’.”

“goodnight.”

“yeah, night.”

the line disconnects. and it feels better than before.

hurts still, yes.

but better.

the girl finds herself staring at the ceiling that night, just thinking. about her family, her career. about carmen. finds solace in the way that gnawing feeling is replaced by a fluttering. a hopefulness.

and what is love, if not unconditional and everlasting?

she drifts off to sleep with warm cheeks and the image of his goofy smile at the forefront of her mind.

a/n: ow.

really hope you enjoyed this series :) these two i hold so near & dear to my heart and i thoroughly enjoyed watching this story fold out along with you. thank you all so much for your patience with the process & for your kind words!!! xoxox

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto smut #carmy berzatto imagine #the bear imagine

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pearlzier · 19 hours ago

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⠀⠀⠀ˑ 𓈒 𐔌 ㅤnerd.ᐟmatt × nerd.ᐟreader ͡꒱ ۫⠀

⎯⎯⠀⠀⠀we're so back guys 🔥🔥 ana writes something absolutely unprecedented (i love bee n matt sorry guys....) anywho let me know if u wanna be tagged like specifically for bee n matt thanksies

WHEN MATT HAD WOKEN UP and you weren't in his arms, he'd assumed the absolute worst. he glanced over to the bathroom, hoping that you were there having a piss or something. when he saw the light was off and the door was closed, he quickly got up from the bed and slid on his slippers. though, he's slightly reassured when he sees that a light in the kitchen is on, and he finds himself following it, only to see you padding around the kitchen in a sleepy state.

he doesn't want to startle you, in case you were sleep walking—he didn't think you were, considering he would've known by now—but just a precaution. so his voice is gentle, easy, as he speaks, "babe? you okay?" luckily, you're not sleep walking, and you glance over at him, just a little surprised. "matt," now it's a bit of a staring contest, just the two of you looking at eachother. soon, he speaks up—"why uh.. are you awake?" his head slowly cocks to the side a little.

"nothin'," you say after a minute, fiddling with the drawstrings on your pajama bottoms before you glance away again. a frown settles on matt's face at that, because you'd only react that way if something was worrying you or was on your mind. not wanting to press, he's quiet, giving you the time to say what was on your mind before he tried to get it out of you. "jus' can't sleep. everythin's a bit too loud at the moment, i guess," shrugging your shoulders, you open up the top cupboard and grab your respective mugs.

"ah," he nods, "i get it. happens to me sometimes," matt's had his fair share of trouble sleeping in the past, he's been through it before. so of course he sympathises with you, and he makes his way over to where you're stood by the counter. the two of you share a moment of eye contact and he murmurs, "hot chocolate?"

"hot chocolate," you say instantly in agreement, and matt gets to work right away. it's always like this between you, you've got this connection that works even without words. all he had to do was look at you, and vice versa, and you understood eachother. "you want whipped cream?" matt asks as he's stood by the fridge, glancing back at you with a soft smile.

"mmh, yeah. 'n' marshmallows," matt practically lights up when you say that, and this dorky little grin settles on his lips. he nods his head, grabbing the needed things—milk, whipped cream, marshmallows from the pantry, and of course, the chocolate powder itself. when he turns back around, his eyes widen a little bit at the sight of you so close to him considering he'd expected you to be a bit further away however he relaxes as your arms wrap around his middle.

even then, he's taken off guard by the contact. the two of you are still easing your way towards affection, it's pretty awkward for you two, but it seems like how sleepy you are is affecting any hesitance that you would've had. "hi," he says gently, and a warmth floods his chest when you look up at him with those eyes of yours. "hey," your words are equally as soft. silently, he admires you, barely holding himself back from just staring at you till either the two of you fell back asleep or you pointed it out. most definitely the latter but if he had it his way, the former.

he shakes his head, letting his curls move out of his face as he focuses on shuffling his way towards the counter to start preparing the hot chocolate seeing as you'd now latched yourself onto him. matt doesn't speak much without prompting, you're usually the one who talks his ear off, unless it's about something hes incredibly passionate about. and he's incredibly passionate about you. "head still loud?" he asks quietly, currently stirring the chocolate powder and the milk together before moving onto his own mug with his blue eyes focused on how the white melts into the brown.

"fuzzy," your mind's running a thousand miles per minute, you're not sure why. it's obvious in how you glance around often and cling to him like you'd die without him. matt doesn't mind though, he simply lets his free arm curl around you and bring you closer to his side as he stirs. "okay," he starts, "how 'bout you go put this in the microwave, 'n' when it's done, we do the whipped cream and marshmallows and see how you are after?"

matt completely understands the feeling, he's been there plenty of times himself, he knows how hard it is to just rest when your brain refuses to. he watches you a moment to see how you'll react, and you slowly slink yourself off of him with a nod to grab the two mugs and bring them to the microwave. he folds his arms over his chest, the hem of his shirt rising up a little to flash a little bit of abdomen as he stands there, his pajama pants hanging low on his hips. you're too shy to overtly stare at it so you take occasional glances, which luckily, he doesn't notice. he's too focused on making sure you're okay, which makes your heart feel so warm.

it's silent between the two of you other than the hum of the microwave. "maybe.. if we.." he wanders over to the light switch and he flicks a finger against it, the only light in the room being the warm glow of the microwave, and it illuminates your face so nicely he's distracted again. the loud beeping of said microwave snaps him out of it, and you pull the door open to grab the two warm mugs and place them down. "whipped cream whilst it's still warm," you murmur to yourself, and matt nods in agreement.

using his teeth to open up the currently unopened whipped cream can, he shakes it afterwards so that it doesn't come out pathetically and end up ruining your hot chocolates. subconsciously, he lifts his arm a little for you to curl up against him. it's a little bold for him, even if it's a small thing, but it's a big thing for the two of you. so of course with no hesitation you make your way over and lean into him, your head against his chest. "do i get the honours?" you ask softly.

"of course," he murmurs, a small smile playing on his lips. he lets his chin rest on your head, and he laughs quietly at the way you start blasting the hot chocolate mugs with whipped cream like that. "damn, what'd it ever do to you?" he mumbles, his tone holding a joking lilt. that makes a smile break out onto your face and you tone it down a little, doing the finishing touches to make a perfect little swirl of whipped cream. "pass me the marshmallows?"

matt nods, using his free hand to reach out and grab the bag of tiny marshmallows you'd bought specifically for an occasion like this. "finest marshmallows for you, m'lady," he rips them open, once again with his teeth, and he hands the bag to you. you take it graciously, gingerly shaking the bag out before you end up practically tipping the entire thing out. it's okay, he'd buy more marshmallows just for you if you wanted him to. he'd be outside holding out a bucket to catch the moon if you even suggested you wanted it.

you hum a quiet, "thank you," twisting the mugs around to get a good look at your creations. matt smiles once more, a laugh escaping him. "they up to standard?" you had very high standards for your hot chocolate, nothing more, nothing less. had to be perfect. "gotta taste test first, you amateur." matt raises his hands in surrender, reaching out to grab a mug. you assume he's grabbing his own and you go to grab yours, but he brings the mug he's holding to your lips before you realise. instinctively, however, you take a sip of it.

damn, that's good, but you knew it would be already. you're humming away at how good the hot chocolate tastes, your mind already calming from the time spent with him and the delicious sip of hot chocolate, but he's busy giggling away at something infront of you as he places the mug back down onto the counter. "what's funny?" you blink, head tilting to the side a little in confusion as to what he's laughing at. he shakes his head, biting his plush bottom lip to try keep in his giggles.

"you got a lil' somethin' there.." matt snickers, watching you for a moment. your brow furrows instantly, and you look down, as if that'd help you see something so obviously on your face. "uh.." he smiles gently and leans down to give you the faintest peck on the lips, one that takes you conpletely off guard despite how feather light it was. "had whipped cream on your lip," his words are a little airy, breathless, now that he'd realised he'd just kind of kissed you. a pretty shade of pink flushes his face and he glances down at the floor a moment.

"thank you," you murmur, a smile making its way onto your lips. soon enough, you take another sip of your whipped cream and look up at him again, almost expectantly. he's floored when he realises you want him to kiss you again. you sneaky thing, you.

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#𐙚˙ ana writes ⋆.˚#੭ nerd!matt 𐂯 ° ｡ !!#੭ nerd!reader 𐂯 ° ｡ !!#matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets

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