#yeah i think some of the Anxiety is the awareness that while this is a performance - it is inherently one to be judged rather than simply
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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
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â miryum's dc universeâ
Neighbour!Jason Todd who wasnât home when you first moved in. If he was, he wouldâve offered to help with the heavy furniture. Alfred raised a gentleman, of course. But no, he was off in a safe house, nursing a wound from last night's patrol. A bullet had grazed his side and it was leaving a nasty ache
Neighbour!Jason Todd who then didnât mean to wake you when he crashed into his apartment that night, via window. How could he know that someone had just moved into the apartment next door and was startling at every bump in the night?
Neighbour!Jason Todd who was very surprised when he, still in his Red Hood gear, heard someone knock on the door soon after. A very sweet voice called out, âhello? I just want to check that youâre okay? I know itâs not my place and you might be a serial killer, but just wanted to make sure youâre not having a heart attack.â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who threw off his helmet and voice modulator before clearing his throat and calling out, ânope! No, Iâm fine. Uh⌠thank you?âÂ
Neighbour!Jason Todd who breathed a sigh of relief when the voice responded, âoh, okay. I- Iâm sorry. Good night.â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who stood up, even though his bullet wound cried out against it. He wasnât sure why he stood, for he could already hear your footsteps departing. His face twisted into one of confusion, both at his reaction, and the fact that someone had come to check up on him. The majority of his neighbours didnât care
Neighbour!Jason Todd who next met you when he was going to get the mail. He saw you outside the lobby door, crouching down. His curiosity got the better of him and he stepped outside during dusk in Gotham, something no citizen should ever do
Neighbour!Jason Todd who found out that you were feeding the street cats. You were fucking feeding the street cats. There were at least six cats surrounding you, weaving in between your legs as you set down a bowl of milk and some cat food. He cleared his throat and you looked up at him, already smiling. How could someone in Gotham smile? At him? His long sleeves, while hiding his physical scars, surely couldnât cover the anxiety and trauma embedded deep within him. âWhat⌠what are you doing?â he asked softly
Neighbour!Jason Todd who simply stared at you as you responded, âIâm feeding the cats.â After a pause, you added, âthey were meowing at me when I came home from work so I picked up some cat food from the store and brought it back to them. Arenât they just adorable?â You reached out to pet one who gladly turned on its belly for you
Neighbour!Jason Todd who asked, âyou know, they do that to everyone? Theyâre smart enough to know a new face thatâll feed them.â And then he mentally kicked himself because now this girl thought he was pessimistic and didnât feed the cats. Then you shrugged and everything seemed better. âYeah, I know, but they look so hungryâŚâ The way your lips tilted to the side made Jason want to stare at them forever
Neighbour!Jason Todd who almost offered to adopt the cats because that meant that you would come over to his apartment to see them
Neighbour!Jason Todd who then rubbed the back of his neck and announced, âmy name is Jason.â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who melted when you laughed lightly and introduced yourself. He knew he had found the one
Neighbour!Jason Todd who then became much more aware of your presence in the apartment building. It wasnât hard to piece together your routine (which you should think of changing regularly because it would be too easy for a criminal to figure it out) and if that meant Jason went to go on runs every now and then that coincided with your grocery trips, then it was a coincidence. He would grab his mail the same time you did. He would take more care to not make as much noise when he returned after vigilante nights, as to not wake you. It was the little things, he reasoned, that would make you notice him
Neighbour!Jason Todd who didnât know what to do when the power went out. Of course, he had his survival kit ready and stocked with a flashlight, provisions, a blanket, a portable charger, and numerous weapons. He was ready to wait it out, but he didnât know what to do when it came to you. Should he go over and check on you? Or would that seem like he thought you couldnât handle yourself?Â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who didnât have to worry for long because a soft, rapid knock came at the door. He wasnât surprised when you were there, small flashlight in hand. âDoes this happen often?â is the first thing you asked. Jason huffed a laugh and replied with his own question, âis this your first time in Gotham?â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who invited you into his apartment. He wasnât sure whether or not to count this as a first date, but you were soon bundled in his blankets and asking questions about his personal life, so that was like a date, right? He hadnât been on many and didnât intend to now that he met you
Neighbour!Jason Todd who did not know what to do when you fell asleep on his couch. Holy shit. Fuck. What should he do? He didnât want you to think he assaulted you while you were sleeping, so for a couple minutes he sat in his kitchen, watching you wearily and putting as much distance between the two of you as possible. But then he didnât like the distance between you, so it was a real conundrum
Neighbour!Jason Todd who instead sat awkwardly on his ottoman, watching TV with the volume muted and subtitles on
Neighbour!Jason Todd who didnât even leave for patrol when the other members of the Batfam asked for help. The blackout was causing Gotham to run wild, but Jason was content with locking the doors and making sure you were comfy
Neighbour!Jason Todd who was still sitting on that ottoman when you woke up in the morning. He carefully evaded your questions on whether he slept and instead decided to make you breakfast. When you complimented his breakfast over and over, joking how you would have to come over more often if it meant his cooking, Jason agreed maybe a bit too quickly
Neighbour!Jason Todd who was the neighbour you then called on if you had a package arriving during work hours and needed someone to sign it. He was the neighbour you didnât mind seeing in the halls because a chat with him wasnât seen as uncomfortable. He was the neighbour you asked to help repair the sink (you got a very lovely image of his shirt riding up as he laid underneath your sink and maybe it was because you were ovulating but oh god did you want to jump his bones). He was the neighbour who, when he found out you liked similar movies, stumbled over his words to invite you to watch them with him
Neighbour!Jason Todd who actually didnât love the genre of movies you did, but would like them if it meant seeing you
Neighbour!Jason Todd who wasnât sure what your relationship status was with him and it ate away at him almost every moment of the day. You were always in the back of his mind, always making his heart warmÂ
Neighbour!Jason Todd who tried to coax you back to your apartment after you returned home one night, stumbling and intoxicated. But you didnât want to. You were firmly standing in his doorway and kept blabbering about meaningless things. When he finally convinced you to rest on his couch, you declared, stumbling over your words, âsee? This is why I like you Jason. You- youâre a- a very- Youâre a very good person.â You then reached up and patted his cheek. âLove you, bye-bye.â And you promptly fell asleep
Neighbour!Jason Todd who was then in a state of shock of the next three hours
Neighbour!Jason Todd who ended up calling Alfred at four in the morning, prompting the older man to think the ex-Robin was kidnapped and needed help. As it turned out, Jason needed help, but with a girl; not a crime lord. Alfred sent Jason off with a few words of wisdom and luck, the most notable being, âMaster Jason, if the girl does not return your feelings, then you can simply move out of your apartment and back into the Manor.â Jason thought that was a worse fate than you rejecting him
Neighbour!Jason Todd who was very patient the next morning, giving you painkillers and a large glass of water. When you remembered the previous night, mortified, he tried to calm you down, eyes worried that you would leave him. He wasnât sure what he would do if you left his life
Neighbour!Jason Todd who, in a mess of panic and embarrassment, managed to blurt out, âno, wait! I- I want you to stay. Please. I know you didnât mean your words last night, but I really like having you in my life. Canât we⌠be friends?â It broke his heart to suggest it, but heâd be willing to keep that platonic bond if it didnât drive you away
Neighbour!Jason Todd who waited, heart in his throat, when the seconds ticked by and you didnât answer. âBut I did mean them,â you finally whispered out. âI like you, Jason. And I wanna do something about that.â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who stammered and spluttered, âwell, then, letâs do something.â
Neighbour!Jason Todd who took you out on dates every week and didnât know what to do when you found the Red Hood gear in his closet when you were searching for a hoodie to steal
Neighbour!Jason Todd who wasnât expecting you to laugh, of all things. âI guessed,â is all you said. And thatâs when Jason kissed you for the first time
Neighbour!Jason Todd who became a staple in your life, not only because you two lived in the same building, but because of how amazing he was. There were no other words to describe it. It was like the man knew your needs before you did and fulfilled them just because he wanted to. He was the epitome of âprincess treatmentâ
Neighbour!Jason Todd who was scared for you to sleep over for the first time because of his nightmares but found out that when your head was on his bicep (cutting off circulation to his fingers), and your body was tucked into his, hair messy and lips slightly parted, that he didnât have nightmares. It was like you scared them all away, just by being there
Neighbour!Jason Todd who wanted you to sleep over much more frequently
Neighbour!Jason Todd who made it a habit to buy cat food at the grocery store because you still insisted on feeding those damn cats after months of living in Gotham. Nevermind that the cats had found which apartment you lived in and climbed up to the window via the fire escape. Nevermind that the cats realised that when you werenât in your apartment, you were most likely in Jasons. And nevermind that he now had cats outside his window almost 24/7 that he begrudgingly fed because who was he if not subject to you or Damianâs rants about feeding the fucking cats
Neighbour!Jason Todd who just liked to touch you. He liked to be reminded that he was much bigger than you and his body could swallow yours up whilst cuddling on the couch. He liked to put his arm around your shoulder and trace patterns on your skin. He liked to hug you tightly from behind because it reminded him that you were there and you were his. He liked to do this in public too â not huge amounts of PDA, but a hand on the waist or slipped in your back pocket. A hand on the small of your back when crossing streets. Reaching out behind him to grab your hand while walking through large crowds
Neighbour!Jason Todd who, a year later, signed the lease to your apartment, so that now you were neighbours who shared a bed and a bathroom and a home
#miryum's dc universe#jason todd x reader#jason todd#jason todd x y/n#headcanon#neighbour au#we love jason todd#dc x reader#dcu#jason todd didn't die#damian wayne#alfred pennyworth
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How to train your pet Human pt.2 (Yandere!Alien X GN!Reader)
part 1, part 3
CW: Abduction, imprisonment, yandere themes, death, pet/owner relationship, tickle torture, humiliation, sexual themes, angst
"There they are~" Kirtch bent to pick (Reader) up, lifting them easily like a child and carrying them with one hand under their butt. (Reader's) face scrunched up in embarrassment. They were wearing an ugly shirt, both baggy and synched tightly, flowy around the body but locked in place like a neck corset at the top and wrists. When Kirtch first presented the tacky gift, (Reader) had ran to hide, forcing Kirtch to wrestle the outfit onto them.
With all of the unnecessary buttons and ties, (Reader) was incapable of taking it off themselves, and was now sulking.
"I have a lot of duties today that cannot be completed in my office, so I thought you might enjoy coming with me so you don't have to be couped up alone." Kirtch gently knocked his forehead into (Reader's).
'Escape chance, escape chance, escape chance-' "Yeah, that sounds nice." (Reader) tried to contain their excitement, consciously aware of their heart beating loudly in their chest.
"Wonderful! I've packed a couple of toys to keep you occupied if you get bored, as well as snacks." He replied happily, seeming so pleased with himself as he briskly walked down the hall from his bedroom towards the main hall. The two passed by many other aliens walking up and down the corridors, none of whom seemed to be the same species as Kirtch. Everyone wore the same cloak, standing them out from the creatures in the shopping district, a uniform slightly lighter in color than Kirtch's. Most would pause while walking to rub a hand over where their noses should have been, and Kirtch would raise a hand in response.
"What are they doing?" (Reader) whispered.
"It is a sign of respect. I am their superior, so if they are not in a rush to get somewhere they are greeting me."
Fear tickled (Reader's) spine. "Are you guys in the military?"
Kirtch laughed, a high pitch clicking sound that almost sounded like a broken music box. "No. I'm just an upper level leader in our trading company."
They arrived in front of a decorated wall, and Kirtch squeezed (Reader) a little while smiling. "Now this is a very important meeting, I need you to be as quiet as possible, okay?"
(Reader) huffed. "I'm not a child."
"I know you aren't. You're a very sweet pet, who is most definitely a grown adult human."
They felt humiliated. It had been almost a month since they were bought by Kirtch, and they did everything in their power to not anger him or appear as though they needed "release". (Reader) constantly watched and waited for the perfect escape attempt, while fighting off Kirtch's affections in as non threatening a way as possible. Like they were emulating a cat. (Reader's) skin burned, but they held back their tongue.
The wall opened, revealing a board room (at least that's what (Reader) assumed it was), a bare room only decorated with a long table surrounded by stools. Kirtch sat (Reader) on the floor and pulled out a sack from the inside of his cloak. While they didn't want to immediately act the part of a good pet, (Reader) was curious as to what was in the bag. The first thing they pulled out, however, was a taxidermied cat. (Reader's) eyes widened, and they couldn't contain their anxiety, shaking as they stared into the cat's glass eyes. Was this some kind of threat?
"Do you like it? I've been meaning to buy you more human toys, so I thought you would appreciate a stuffed animal." Realizing that the 'gift' was not malicious, the nervousness immediately dissolved into mental fatigue.
"Oh. I get it. Stuffed animal. Yeah." They put the animal back in the bag, hoping Kirtch didn't think their exhausted smile was permission to buy more dead bodies.
More aliens entered the room, greeting Kirtch before taking their seats. (Reader) couldn't understand what the meeting was about, since they were all speaking in Kirtch's native tongue, but their voices and faces were tense. The meeting went on for well over an hour, but (Reader) found it surprisingly entertaining, dubbing over their conversation inside their mind like Mystery Science Theater, chuckling with how wild their hand movements were. It was very human of them.
(Reader) fucked up, accidently snorting at one of the angrier aliens. Although they didn't understand the language, one of his sentences sounded awfully like "Pineapple farts", and with how intense his face was, it made it seem like he was describing how his ass felt. Their sound was so quiet it was almost inaudible, but the alien still noticed and spun his head in (Reader's) direction so quickly his exoskeleton creaked. (Reader) bit their lip to hide a smile, turning away from the conference to pretend to munch on their fruit (?) slices.
The irate alien began ranting louder, and (Reader) caught a word they had heard from a few of the underlings they had been introduced to. Bah-blk. Human.
Shit.
They snuck a glance towards the group very slowly to view Kirtch's expression, worried they may have angered him by interrupting the meeting. And indeed, his almost perfectly flat face was pulled into a scowl, but it wasn't aimed at (Reader).
"(Reader), pet, could you come here for a moment?"
His voice was light and smooth, as it always was when speaking to (Reader), but Kirtch's face was grave as he refused to break eye contact with the alien in front of him; said alien's shell glistened like he was sweating under Kirtch's glare. (Reader), not wanting to be punished later, left their spot on the floor and shuffled over to their owner. Kirtch pulled (Reader) into his lap the second they were within his reach, still staring daggers at the poor alien across the table.
He spoke to the offender, holding (Reader) lovingly with one arm as if to make a point. The man was panicked, waving his arms and sweating profusely, sounding apologetic. It wasn't enough, whatever it was he was saying. He referenced (Reader) as Bah-blk again, and then he was dead.
Before (Reader) could understand what it was that Kirtch had pulled out of his robe, a soundless shot was fired across the table, green blood splattering across the wall as the alien's head was pierced by some kind of projectile.
Everyone turned away, unsurprised by the killing. It was a lukewarm reaction, as though this wasn't the first time they witnessed someone die at Kirtch's hand. The body fell, head slamming into the table with a wet thud.
(Reader) didn't know what he had said, but to kill him... It was jarring. The young adult hadn't payed any attention to the tears dripping down their chin until Kirtch wiped them off. The roughness of his hand startled (Reader), making them flinch away from his touch.
For the rest of the meeting (Reader) couldn't pry their eyes away from the dead body lying across from them. It was a nightmare seemingly without an end, staring at a corpse while his murderer held (Reader) tenderly, rubbing his thumb on their side absentmindedly while discussing business with colleagues like it was a regular Tuesday.
If (Reader) was more aware, they would be disgusted with themselves for not fighting Kirtch as he picked them up to go back to their room, but they just wanted to go back to the safety of their *bed*, and couldn't force their brain to focus on anything else.
The bed was more like a twin sized pillow nestled in a metal cage, but it was soft and felt secure, like when (Reader) was young and thought that hiding under their blanket would protect them from the shadow people in their closet.
"Are you alright, (Reader)?" Kirtch asked, his voice full of concern.
(Reader) curled up, pulling the blanket tight over their face.
Kirtch sighed, and crouched down by (Reader's) bed. "(Reader), please don't be upset with me. If this is about my colleague, please know that what I did was necessary."
"Murder is never necessary."
"He tried to accuse me of not being.. as invested in the job as I should be. And that the reason for my lack of dedication was you. He used very strong language." Kirtch placed a hand on (Reader's) back. "I told him not to disrespect you. Yet he continued."
(Reader) began crying, shaking under Kirtch's touch. "Are you saying that I'm the reason he's dead?"
"Oh, pet.." Kirtch sighed again, pulling (Reader) out of the fetal position and into his arms. "I've always been incredibly interested in humanity. When I was a young child, there was a 'book' in my father's study about primitive species, and that's how I learned about humans. Did you know that you and I experience life differently from one another? Our brains function differently. We have different pain receptors; our brains' physiology are almost nothing alike; the diseases humans are capable of developing simply for existing are concepts we've never had to worry about. Even how we perceive the color spectrum, humans are so unlike any other sentient species I have met."
"I was so fascinated by Earth, especially by humans. We are not allowed to visit Earth as it is a restricted area, so much of what we know is recorded knowledge from captured defectors. My chances of meeting a human were next to none. Then, we had to dock in Dol-Hu, a shady planet only inhabited by criminals and those in hiding. And wandering through the market, I saw you."
"The one thing I've always wanted, for the past seventy years, I recognized you as a human immediately, even though you were so much cuter than I could have expected. You're so soft, and fragile, in comparison to my armoured flesh. You were bent over, but I knew from descriptions I had memorized what you were. As one who has always loved Earth, I am fluent in every Earth language we know of, so I was excited to communicate with you. I was so eager to have a piece of humanity. And now here you are."
(Reader) rolled over, their heart clenching painfully as they looked up into Kirtch's sadly smiling face. "I wonder what I look like through your eyes."
Their heart began doing somersaults in their throat as the tears continued flowing.
"You may have been the only human I've ever known, but I can say with confidence that you must have been the best humanity had to offer. I only want to give you the best life possible."
(Reader) wrapped their arms around Kirtch's midsection, sobbing loudly. His body didn't bend or squish under the full strength of (Reader's) embrace. And that was how (Reader) fell asleep, crying themselves into a nap.
When they awoke, they were alone, lying in the bed with the cat tucked into their arms. (Reader) left the room to find Kirtch at his desk, working on paperwork. The giant heard (Reader) behind him, and turned his attention on them, smiling as he held out his arms in an offer to pick them up. And much to his surprise, (Reader) willingly entered into his embrace, and allowed him to set them on his lap without pouting or making a fuss.
"I have a few more documents to look over, then I can play with you, okay?"
"Okay." Their voice was quiet and monotone, (Reader's) mind still fuzzy from crying so much before falling asleep.
"Are you still upset? Is there anything I can do to make you happy?"Kirtch laid down his work, trapping (Reader) in his arms.
"No.. you can continue working."
"You're more important than my work. I consider your unhappiness to be a crises."
Worry began to prick at (Reader's) skin. "I'm really fine, we don't need to play!"
"Need?"
Memories of the day (Reader) was bought flashed through their mind, causing them to go red and hot as they started to squirm in Kirtch's embrace. "I-I- didn't mean it like that!"
One hand left (Reader's) body to grab something from Kirtch's desk. "Don't fret, I recently purchased a new toy I thought would bring you joy."
(Reader's) eyes bulged out as they froze in anticipation, their heart hammering in their chest. But what Kirtch retrieved did not appear safe to go near any genitalia, a strange contraption formed of multiple thin prongs on a handle. Embarrassed that they had assumed something sexual was about to happen, (Reader) bit the inside of their cheek, puzzling over the strange discomfort they were feeling. "What's that?"
Kirtch raised (Reader's) shirt, and dragged the device across their skin, causing an involuntary shudder. It tickled.
"Ah! No!" (Reader) accidentally laughed, trying to push Kirtch away. He trailed the toy from their pelvic area visible above their pants to their left armpit. The light tingling sensation forcibly clenched their stomach muscles as they let loose a howl of laughter.
They couldn't breathe correctly, laughing so hard that their spasming abdominals made it feel like they were choking. But they couldn't stop, begging Kirtch to "knock it off" while their cheeks hurt from the smile they had. That damn toy tickled every inch of their body, not even noticing when Kirtch removed their pants. They kicked futilely, unable to break free from the assault. Their sensitive skin was almost becoming painful to the touch, but the laughter only got louder.
"pleASE! KIRTCH, stop!!" (Reader) heaved. Their whole body felt tender, highly reactive to each touch. Which made them aware of the fact that the only thing separating them from Kirtch's lap was a thin pair of underpants. With how they had been writhing on his lap, they were relieved that Kirtch didn't seem to have a dick that could become aroused from such movements.
(Reader's) smile fell. I have no idea how Kirtch's species reproduces. Maybe he can get erections, but he won't get one for me because he sees me as a pet. An animal. Their heart turned to concrete as it dropped out of its cage.
Kirtch halted his attack when he saw (Reader) go limp. "Are you tuckered out, pet?"
(Reader) tried to slide off his lap like jelly. "I'm done playing. I want to go back to bed."
"Alright, my stubborn little grump, what is it now? You were all smiles but a second ago, so what is it plaguing your mind?"
They tried to scrunch up their nose to prevent more tears from sheepishly forming. "I'm not a pet. I'm a human. I want to be treated like an equal!"
Kirtch's smile was replaced by a hurt scowl. "Is it so unpleasant being my pet?"
"No!" (Reader) interjected, not understanding why it pained them so much to see Kirtch upset, "I just want to, I just.. I don't know. This is confusing, and it feels.. weird. You're really nice to me, and sometimes it feels like... but then other times you treat me like I'm a cat. This isn't what I want. Either be a bastard and treat me like an animal or treat me like-" Their words caught in their throat. Treat me like what?!
A fearful kiss was placed on their forehead, ghostly with hardly any pressure. Kirtch's hands trembled on (Reader's) sides. "All I wish is to adore you for the rest of your life."
He pulled (Reader) into his chest, petting their back in a comforting manner. "I'll give you anything you ask for, I'll do anything you ask of me. Just to keep you happy, with me. You are all that I've ever wanted. All I wish is to care for you, and spend all my attention on you. If there is anything you want, please ask me. I need you to love me."
(Reader) felt so confused. Like a squid was destroying their gut, everything was uncomfortable and scary. They knew that Kirtch viewed them as a pet, he loved them how (Reader) loved their family dog as a child. But when they heard him begging for their love, it made them wish for an odd moment that he wasn't an alien. That (Reader) was sitting on their boyfriend's lap right now, a strange human man who sometimes infantalized them but only out of affection. Why couldn't this be simple? Why did (Reader) want him to kiss them right at that moment?
"I want to go home. I want to meet someone kind and fall in love." (Reader's) words stabbed Kirtch in places he never knew could hurt.
"I can't do that, (Reader)..." Kirtch's embrace constricted almost painfully tight. "You're all I've ever wanted. You can't ask me to let you go. I'll take such good care of you, you'll see. I have the rest of your life to make you fall in love with me."
They sat there, holding one another in agonizing silence, both loving each other in a way that they couldn't explain. The way their brains functioned didn't just mean that Kirtch could see a wider range of colors than (Reader), but the way their species experienced love was too vastly different for the other to comprehend. Despite Kirtch wanting to own (Reader), that was the greatest love he had ever felt, since his species did not pair bond and only mated when two beings agreed amicably that they wished to procreate. He knew that humans felt many forms of love, love for a mate, love for their offspring, love for a friend.. but to something that never felt any of those forms of love, Kirtch couldn't understand the difference between them.
"I love you, my little pet. And I will always love you."
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere alien x reader#yandere alien#not proofread#cw humiliation#pet reader#pet human#cw death#feels#i'm just so tired#gender neutral reader
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fake it
joel miller x f!reader
rating: explicit, 18+ mdni summary: does joel know you well enough to know when you're faking it? warnings/tags: [18+ MINORS DNI] smut, smut, smut, it's pretty much entirely smut, dirty talk, unprotected piv sex, cream pie, faked orgasm, panty sniffing, cunnilingus. word count: 5.7k masterlist a/n: i've had this idea worming around in my head for days and i just had to get it out so heRE WE GO
âWeâll stop here for the night.â
Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of Joelâs voice, and the truck rolled to a stop as he parked it in the middle of a field, directly on the edge of a thick forest. The three of you had been on the road for hours since leaving Bill and Frankâs place, and youâd drifted in and out of a fitful sleep for the past few hours, painfully aware that it was your turn to take first watch once you stopped somewhere for the night.
âFucking finally,â Ellie grumbled from the backseat, and Joel shot her an annoyed glance through the rear-view mirror.
It was already dark outside, and you shone a torch ahead into the inky black mass as the three of you spread your sleeping bags out on the ground. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears, adrenaline spiking in the darkness. Youâd always been afraid of it; the dark, and what lurked within it. And being in the middle of a field, late at night, unable to make a fire, was surely one of the worst case scenarios you could think of.
âYou guys sure weâre safe out here?â Ellie asked warily. You noticed her eyes staring out across the forest, trying to spot anything through the thick mass of tall trees.
When Joel didnât answer her immediately, his own eyes drifting outward to gaze into the darkness, your stomach dropped. After a second of too much silence you discreetly elbowed him in the side. His head snapped around to look at you, frowning as he rested a hand on his rib.Â
âWeâre fine,â you assured Ellie quickly, raising your eyebrows at Joel, as if to say, right?
âYeah,â he said, eyes sliding from you to her. âNo oneâs gonna find us out here. You should get some sleep, weâre movinâ early in the morning.â
She nodded, still looking somewhat unconvinced, before slipping into her sleeping bag and rolling over so that her back was to the pair of you. You stared at your partner for a moment, chest aching with anxiety, hating the way his tone of voice hadnât calmed your nerves.
Too anxious to sit down and rest for a moment, you shouldered a hunting rifle instead, positioning yourself close to the truck, where you could see both of them clearly. Every few minutes you rotated your body, watching the trees from every angle, making sure you would notice if there was even the slightest sound or movement. You hands grew clammy where they held the gun, and you had to readjust your grip on it every once in a while.
âWhatâre you doinâ?â Joelâs voice drifted over to you after a little while. You turned, huffing out a laugh when you saw him lazing on his sleeping bag, sipping from his flask of whiskey.
âWhat am I doing?â you chuckled. âWhat are you doing?â
âGettingâ drunk on the job,â he smirked, tipping his head back as he drank. You swallowed thickly, smile fading as you stared at his long, thick neck, and the way it was exposed when he tilted his chin up. It had been weeks since the two of you had done anything more than kiss, too preoccupied with Ellie, and getting to Wyoming.
It was as if Joel could sense where your thoughts had travelled, because his expression darkened, eyes squinting greedily at you from across the open space.
âWhy donât you come over here, darlinâ,â he said, resting a hand on his thigh.
âJoel,â you warned quietly, but he just patted his thigh in encouragement, taking a long sip from his flask.
âJust câmere.â
You spared a glance around you, will power hanging by a thread, but ultimately shook your head, refusing. Joel let out a huff and stood up. He moved slowly, eyes never straying from your face as he stalked towards you, like a predator hunting his prey. And you watched him, tongue darting out to wet your lips as he came to rest beside you, leaning against the truck. Doing your best not to look at him, you tightened your grip on the gun and allowed yourself to lean back against the vehicle as well.
Joel held out the flask to you. âWhatâs got you so worked up, sugar?â
Casting an irritated glance in his direction, you snatched the flask from his hand and took a long swig, welcoming the stinging distraction as the liquid burnt down your throat.
âYou know I hate the dark,â is all you said.
He hummed from low in his throat, nodding once. He stretched out a hand and snagged one of your belt loops with his finger, tugging you quickly into his side. You stumbled into his chest with a sharp gasp of surprise.
âItâs not so bad,â his deep voice drawled, plush lips grazing your ear. You shivered, tucking the flask away before placing a hand on his chest, your fingertips digging into the soft muscle there. âNothinâ scary about it.â
Joel let his nose trace along the shell of your ear, and then across your cheek, and then his fingers were gripping your chin, turning your face to his..
His lips claimed yours in a bruising kiss, sucking and biting, lathing his tongue along your bottom lip until you welcomed him into your mouth with a pitiful sigh. His tongue pressed against yours, stroking slowly, coaxing your jaw open. You were vaguely aware of his other hand gripping the zip on your jacket and tugging it down. Heat flared in your abdomen, and you gripped the collar of his jacket, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth and pulling back, enjoying the way he groaned as you stretched it out before releasing it with a wet pop.
You watched, glossy-eyed and already a little dazed, as Joel pried the gun out of your hands. He placed it gently onto the bed of the truck. His hand traced over your stomach, fisting the material intermittently, and then he was gripping your hips, spinning you so your chest was to the car, and he was pressed firmly against your back.
âJoel,â you muttered nervously, but he ignored you, sponging kisses behind your ear, suckling on the sensitive spot where your neck met your jaw. You could feel him, hot and hard against the curve of your ass. One of his hands drifted along the softness of your lower stomach, toying with the hemline of your shirt, and a stuttered gasp escaped your lips.
Sharp teeth grazed your neck, nipping at the skin and then he was lapping over it with his tongue, soothing the piercing ache heâd caused. You sighed at the feeling, rutting backward against him. You allowed your eyes to drift shut. And then they slammed back open again, as you realised neither of you would be keeping watch if you shut them. Joelâs face was hidden against your neck, there was no way he would see if anyone snuck up on the camp. Your heart thundered in your chest at the thought, and you kept your eyes open from then on.
âYou smell so fuckinâ good,â he whispered against your skin, voice rough and wanton with need. âIâve been missinâ you.â
âWhat abou-â
âSheâs asleep,â he reassured, grip on your waist tightening. You could feel the way he was straining against his jeans, cock desperate and begging to be touched, as if heâd been thinking about this moment for hours, days, weeks. The ache between your thighs grew painful, and you rubbed against him harder.
âWe have to be quiet,â you murmured quickly.
His only response was the distinct sound of his belt clinking, and then a shuffling noise as he dragged his pants low enough to free himself from the tight confines of his underwear. Not wasting a second, he gripped the waistband of your jeans and tugged them down as well, only satisfied when they rested around your knees, giving him full access to you.
One of his fingers glided messily between your folds and he sighed into your ear, marvelling at how wet you were for him already.
âFuck,â he hissed. âWish I could put my mouth on you right now. Know youâd taste so good for me, baby, always do.â
You groaned. A soft, pathetic sound.
âItâs been so long,â he groused, and you murmured your agreement. It felt like you were suspended in the air, anticipation holding you firmly in its grasp as you waited for him to do something, anything. âCanât stand it; sâall I could think about today.â
He tapped the rough pad of a finger against your clit and your entire body flinched forward against the car. As if he could sense the way your knees were buckling, his free arm wrapped around you, holding you up. You murmured his name desperately, hips pushing down against his hand.
âShould I fuck you with my fingers first?â he asked quietly, middle finger circling your entrance. âOr should I let my cock stretch you out?â
When you didnât answer, mind too fuzzy to string a sentence together, he said, âHmm?â
âPlease,â you keened roughly, turning to glance at him over your shoulder. âJust want you, need you inside me.â
You saw the way the muscle in his jaw worked, lips pursed together as tension rolled through his shoulders. And then his cock was gliding through your folds, smearing your slick over his length, before the blunt tip of him nestled at your entrance. A harsh shout left your lips as he pushed himself, bottoming out in one thrust. Instantly, one of his hands slapped over your mouth, fingertips pressing into your cheek. Your eyes widened, darting around the clearing that surrounded you both on all angles.
âThis ainât gonna work if you do that,â Joel said gruffly, adjusting his hips so he pulled out halfway, before pressing himself back into you. The burn was delicious, and you fluttered around him, gripping him tightly after so much time missing him inside you. A garbled version of your name escaped him, and you whimpered in response, bucking your hips backwards, silently begging him to continue.
He set a gruelling pace, pressing into you relentlessly. One hand covered your mouth while the other gripped the front of your shirt tightly, holding your body still as he fucked into you. When your body jolted against the car from a particularly rough thrust, he muttered a gruff apology into your ear, but didnât let up. Back arching, you contracted around him, revelling in the sound of the muted groans being let out against the back of your neck.
You bit down into his palm, a muffled cry escaping you. The thought of Ellie waking up and discovering the pair of you flitted through your mind and you cringed. But it disappeared from your mind just as quickly, Joelâs movements driving it away.
The air filled with sounds of heavy breaths and an odd squelching sound, as your slick squeezed around his cock and dripped out of you. Low curses spilled into the atmosphere, and Joel was saying something, speaking to you, but you couldnât hear him over the roar of blood in your ears. Everything was heightening. The muscles in your abdomen tightened and twitched with every movement of him inside you, and your hips strained backwards, meeting him thrust for thrust. It was all so fast, so desperate, and your body was begging for release after being left untouched for weeks.
But right as you felt yourself reach a precipice, as Joel pushed himself to hit the deepest part of you, everything was ruined.
Because a violent image ripped through your mind of someone storming into the camp in that moment and dragging Ellie out of her sleeping bag. Of someone pointing a gun at you and Joel, while you were defenceless. The darkness of the night seemed to crush in around you, reminding you of its presence and suffocating you. Anybody, or anything, could be out there right now, watching and waiting for the right moment to strike.
Goosebumps rose across your skin. You gasped at the thought, icy dread spiralling through your veins, your orgasm drawing further and further from reach. Except Joel took your gasp as a good sign, and groaned in response, hand dropping your stomach to toy with your clit as his thrusts grew jerkier. You jerked against him, mewling into his hand. It felt good. It felt so fucking good, and yet you couldnât focus, too distracted to lure back the orgasm that had been dancing in the edges of your periphery. Â
Your head was a violent jumble of pleasure and panic. A devastated moan tumbled from your lips, mouth hanging open as the head of Joelâs cock angled against your g-spot.
âThere?â he asked breathlessly, and you nodded, reaching to grip the back of his neck. He moved faster, pushing and pulling and hitting that spot over and over. And you could feel the coil inside of you burn again, liquid heat spreading through your limbs as your body tried to reach that high again, but it just wasnât fast enough. The car was cold against the front of your body, and your brain was on such high alert, that you knew you wouldnât be able to get there.
âCome with me,â Joel encouraged gruffly, fingertips holding your jaw in a bruising grip. âCome on now, let me have it.â
He was so close. You could feel it in the way his rapid heartbeat crashed against your back; in the ragged breaths that were exhaled across your neck. His hips were stuttering against you, thighs tense. And you wanted him to feel good. Wanted him to let go after so long â god, he deserved it. So you did something youâd never done with Joel before.
You faked it.
Your chin tilted upward to the sky, and you let deep, elongated breaths rattle through your chest, singing his name into the palm of his hand. Joel made a deep guttural sound. His fingers rubbed messy circles against your clit, and you bucked against him, heart thrashing in your chest. He said youâresotight, and you said Iâm comingohgodJoelohfuck, and through it all, you could feel it growing inside of you. Your lungs burned inside your chest. He was stretching you so perfectly, so deliciously, and you let out a genuine moan at the feeling of his rough thrusts. You could feel him in the bones of your skull, in the tips of your toes, and in every inch of your body in between, and yet you needed more.
Joel trembled, his entire body shaking against yours. You felt his cock jump inside you in quick, jerky movements and clenched around him, and then he exhaled a deep groan, and went still. Â
After a few moments, he pulled out, and you gasped at the cold sensation. Rapid breaths left his mouth, he peppered soft kisses down the side of your neck, removing his hand from your face only to wrap both arms around your torso and hold you against him. Your core ached, clenching around nothing as his spend seeped out of you, spilling onto your inner thighs.
Turning in his arms, you offered him a dazed look. Your body was hot, coiled like a string pulled taught, waiting to snap. He kissed you, with less rush this time, and you returned it lazily, reaching down to tug your pants up over your hips again. Your tried not to cringe as your underwear pressed against you. You were uncomfortably wet, and the cold material stuck to your tacky skin. Joel did the same.
Pulling back from the kiss, you rubbed the side of your jaw, flexing your mouth open in an attempt to soothe the ache that had settled there. Joel watched you all the while. His dark eyes flickered over your face, trying to see you through the darkness.
âYou good?â he asked quietly, at the same time as you heard a twig snap somewhere in the trees, off to your left. Your head snapped to the side, eyes glaring out through the thick inky black, ears straining. âBaby?â
âSorry,â you said, shaking your head slowly. âThought I heard something.â
Strong fingers gripped your chin, turning you to face him once more. A frown had settled across his face, eyebrows drawn tight across his forehead. His lips were a thin line, and his chest still shook as he regulated his breathing, but you could see it there; the understanding. Your heart skipped a beat in your chest as nervousness zipped through your body. He knew. There was no way, you told yourself. No way he could have known. And yet the longer you stared at each other, the deeper his frown got.
Wordlessly, his hand dropped between your bodies, and he pressed his palm against your mound through your pants. A soft sound of surprise escaped your mouth as his fingers curled against you, pressing against where your clit ached. You whimpered softly, numb fingers gripping his hand and holding it against you. Recognition flashed in his eyes, and you stilled, hand going lax on top of his.
âFuck,â Joel said gruffly. âFuck.â
You opened your mouth to speak, to deny it, to tell him it was fine, to say anything, but a rustling sound caught both of your attention. It was coming from the same spot as before, only this time it seemed louder, more pronounced. Your breathing paused.
âGet in the truck,â he said.
âJoel,â you tried, panic laced through your voice.
âGet in the truck now,â he said, grabbing the hunting rifle from the truck bed. âIâll get the kid.â
Blood rushed in your ears as you walked swiftly to the passenger side of the truck, swinging yourself up into the seat and shutting the door behind you as softly as possible. Anxious goosebumps rippled across your skin as you stared out the window into the darkness, trying to catch a glimpse of Ellie or Joel. Minutes passed, and then the doors opened, and Ellie slumped inside, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, as Joel slammed into the driverâs seat, starting the car and tearing out of the field.
âDid you see anything?â Ellie asked from the backseat.
âNo,â he said, not looking at either of you.
âThen why are w-â
âGo back to sleep,â Joel ordered her firmly, and you cringed at his tone, turning in your chair to offer her a sympathetic smile. She didnât return it, laying down across the backseats and turning her back on the pair of you.
The car was entirely silent as Joel drove the three of you back onto a road, and continued heading towards Kansas City. And as much as your body yearned for sleep, you found yourself wide awake, eyes focused out the windscreen, watching the tarnished landscape pass you by, exposed up by the carâs headlights.
After an hour of driving, Joel finally spoke.
âEllie?â he said, tone even.
No response came from the back seat. You watched him out of the corner of your eye. He repeated her name.
Satisfied when there was no response, he spared a glance in your direction, before turning back to look at the road.
As if against your own will, you whispered his name quietly, pleadingly.
âDonât,â he practically growled.
âIâm s-â
âYou thought I wouldnât know?â his lip curled upward, a grimace painting his face. âThink that I donât know you well enough to know when youâre faking it?â
Your entire body stilled. Heat prickled across your skin, and you prayed to a god you didnât believe in that Ellie was truly asleep in the backseat. Your hands were clammy, and you wiped them fruitlessly against the material of your jeans, unsure of what to say. He waited for you to speak, and when you didnât, a loose sigh rattled from his chest.
âYou do this thing,â he said quietly. âWhen you come.â
âWhat?â
âThis huge smile,â he frowned. âLike you canât help yourself. Like it felt so good, that you canât control your face, and you smile so big I can see every one of the fuckinâ teeth in your skull.â
âJoelâ"
âEvery time,â he interrupted firmly.
âI-â
âAnd I didnât realise,â he whispered harshly. âHow much I look for it â that I wait for it, I god damn expect it.â
âIâm sorry,â you murmured feebly, heat flashing through you. You gazed at the side of his tense face, stomach twisting at his words. Youâd never known you did that. Never known he would notice if one day you didnât.
âYouâre sorry?â Joel scoffed. His hands gripped the wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. âYou should be angry.â
You watched him with bated breath.
âFirst time I touched you in weeks, and I didnât even make sureâŚ,â he trailed off, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. âLike youâre some fuckinâ toy.â
âIt was good, Joel,â you spoke in a hushed tone, glancing over your shoulder at Ellieâs back. âI swear, I was just distracted, and it was dark, an-â
âItâs not good with me,â he said curtly, and you stopped, wetting your lips anxiously.
Before you could say anything else, a soft murmuring came from the backseat, as Ellie started to wake up once more. You cringed, straightening in your seat and returning your gaze to the road ahead.
âThis isnât over,â Joel said, voice rough. And when he turned his head to look at you, just for a second, you nodded in acknowledgement. A dark glint of determination shone in his eyes, and it sent a shiver down your spine.
A long, tense day passed by before Joel could get you alone again. You felt the frustration rolling off of him in waves. Those dark eyes watched you, uncaring of whether you noticed or not, his hands twitching towards you whenever you were close, aching to touch you, to repent. Without a chance to shower, you spent the entire day with a sticky reminder of the night before. You were uncomfortably wet, your own slick mixed with Joelâs come making a mess of your underwear, streaking down your thighs inside your trousers.
It was late afternoon by the time he spotted a house in the distance, and when he pulled up outside of it, he ordered you and Ellie to stay in the car while he checked it out.
âIâm fucking exhausted,â she said from the backseat, as soon as Joel was out of earshot.
âMe too, kid,â you muttered, eyes on the front door until he reappeared, giving the all clear for you both to get out of the truck and go inside.
âThereâs a few rooms,â he told you as you looked around the house, eyes drifting over the dusty furniture, bookshelves, dining table. âTwo down here, one upstairs.â
âShotgun upstairs,â Ellie said quickly, heading towards the staircase at the end of the hall.
âAre you hungry?â Joel called out to her back.
Ellie paused at the bottom of the stairs and gave him a look that said what do we even have to eat? But all she said was that she was gonna crash, and grumbled something about him never letting her get any sleep as she marched up the creaking steps.
âI think Iâm gonna get some sleep as well,â you yawned, stretching your arm out against your chest. Joelâs eyes flashed to yours, and he huffed quietly.
âIs that right?â he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You faltered, pulse quickening at the insinuation laced in his words.
âIââ
âFirst door on the right,â he motioned his head towards the hallway, and you followed him wordlessly towards the room.
It was small, cosy. Late afternoon light gleamed in through a north facing window, and the sunâs rays shone across a double bed in the middle of the room, and a bare side table. Silently, Joel stripped the sheets off the bed, leaving them in a pile on the floor before unzipping his sleeping bag and draping it across the mattress.
âYou tired?â
You watched his hands as they spread the sleep bag out, flattening out any lumps in it. Thick, long fingers pressed against the material, and heat spread through your lower stomach.
âYes,â you said honestly, and he nodded, tilting his head to look at you. You unzipped your jeans and discarded them on the floor before crawling onto the bed.
âHow tired?â Joel queried, kicking his shoes off and joining you on the mattress. He rested back on his heels, hands splaying across your kneecaps as he gazed down at you.
You mmmâd from the back of your throat, wetting your lower lip. âNot too tired.â
The muscle in his jaw jumped as his eyes drifting across your body, down your bare thighs, to rest on the dark spot on the front of your panties. His fingers traced down your thighs, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake, until he gripped the hem of your underwear.
He pulled them down your legs, tantalisingly slow, and you watched with wide eyes as he lifted the ruined material up to his face. Maintaining eye contact, he held them over his mouth and nose, and you couldnât bring yourself to look away as he inhaled deeply. Heat soared across your cheeks, and you would have been ashamed, if it werenât for the way you could see him beginning to bulge against the zipper of his jeans, hot and hard for you.
âI want you,â you whispered brokenly. Joel dropped your underwear onto the bed beside your body.
âI know,â he gritted his teeth, sliding his palms down your inner thighs and prying them apart so he could settle in between them.
One hand raised to cup your face and you smiled, nuzzling your cheek into his palm. His thumb grazed your bottom lip in a silent request, and you parted them for him instantly, welcoming the digit into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around it, wetting it, and watched intensely as he lowered his hand down your body, and pressed the finger between your folds.
âChrist,â he cursed, mouth falling ajar as he felt you. âYou been like this all day?â
âYes, yes,â you whimpered. Â Â
âThen Iâm a fuckinâ monster,â he chuckled mirthlessly, staring between your legs with hooded eyes. âLeft my best girl all worked up. God, darlinâ, look at you; dripping wet for me, desperate for something to come on.â
âPlease,â you exhaled sharply. âI need you, want your cock inside me so bad.â
He tutted quietly, shaking his head a little. âYou think I deserve it?â his eyes flashed to yours, mouth downturned. âThink I deserve to be inside this pretty pussy, when Iâve been so mean to it?â
Your thighs tensed painfully as his finger started rubbing lightly against your bundle of nerves.
âBecause I donât,â he said ruefully. âThink I need to make it up to you first, what do you think, baby?â
âOkay,â you exhaled.
âAnd we arenât finished unless you come,â he said darkly. âDo you understand?â
Your lips felt numb, tongue heavy in your mouth as you stared up at him through hooded eyes. Joel glared down at you, nostrils flared. âSay you understand.â
âI understand,â you finally mewled in frustration, twitching into the mattress as his thumb swiped over your pulsing clit. âF-fuck, Joel, please.â
His finger dragged between the swollen lips of your pussy, spreading you open so he could see your glistening core. He swore under his breath, the tip of his thumb gliding over your entrance where he could see remnants of his seed still easing out of you. His knees thudded against the old mattress as he dragged himself down the bed, and then his mouth was on you.
âOhhh,â an exaggerated moan left your mouth, leaving your lips parted in an O shape as your head dropped back into the pillow. His tongue flattened to lick a stripe up your core, all the way from your entrance to above your clit and you shuddered into his mouth, crying out at the contact. His hands gripped your thighs and dragged them over his shoulders, pushing his face deeper into you.
Joelâs nose dragged across your clit as his tongue circled your entrance, and slurping noises filled the air as he cleaned the remnants of himself from your hole. You gasped, fire racing through your veins at the idea of him drinking down his own come, and your hips bucked off the bed. The tips of his fingers dug into your thighs in a silent warning to stay still. You clawed your nails into his scalp, raking through his messy hair, doing your best not to absolutely writhe against his face.
He groaned against you, pulling back momentarily to smirk up at you, your slick shining on his lips and beard. It was shameful, the way the noises he made went to your head. The deep, growling moans, the way his hums vibrated against you. You absorbed them and filed them away into your memory, somewhere only for you to ever see. Your hips framed his face, thighs bracketed over his shoulders as he gripped them, no doubt leaving bruises where his fingertips dug into your flesh.
Joel worked painstakingly slowly at first. His hot, long tongue glided along the entirety of you, and then he dipped it inside your weeping hole. Your eyes rolled back as he pumped his hot muscle in and out of you, until you were begging him to just please fuck me Joel please Iâm sorry, but then he just sped up, moving upward to flick the tip of his tongue across your clit. You gasped, back arching off the bed as he swiped back and forth sharply, his lips suctioning around it as he abused your swollen clit.
And then one of his hands disappeared, and he eased a long, thick finger inside of you. He stroked along your walls, hooking his finger against your g-spot as you cried out his name, clenching around the digit. Encouraged by the response, he swiftly pushed a second finger inside, scissoring them and stretching you out as he sponged messy kisses against your clit.
Your mind was a blur. âShit, Joel.â
Every single nerve, every point of feeling in your entire body, was directed to the apex of your thighs, and you trembled with the intensity of it. Every kiss, every lick, every suck was a reverent apology, a vow to never let it happen again. Joel was on his knees at the altar of his god, begging for forgiveness, and you were more than happy to grant it.
It felt like your chest was being ripped open as heavy breaths worked their way out of your burning lungs, heavy panting mixing in the air with the sounds of his tongue gliding through your wetness. Beads of sweat formed on your forehead, and you moaned roughly as he let his teeth skate ever so slightly over your clit.
His fingers pumped inside you, curling against the roof of your channel in a continuous motion as his tongue rolled against your nerves. It sent a familiar fire spreading through your abdomen, warming your entire chest, until you were gasping for air, jaw aching as it hung open, in awe of every point of contact he had with your body.
You clenched painfully tight, pussy squeezing around his fingers as his tongue swiped back and forth across your clit. Joel hummed in encouragement, mouth buzzing against you in a way that sent you careening towards the edge even faster. It seemed like every muscle in your body was tightening. Arms tensed awkwardly, one hand buried in his hair, the other twisted in the sheets beside you. Thighs pressed against the side of his head, stomach burning as he built you up and up and up andâ
âOh, oh myâfucking god,â you sobbed as your orgasm hit, and Joel braced you against the bed, working you through it. Pleasure rushed through you like an avalanche. Stars burst behind your eyelids, and you let go of everything that had ever existed in your world except for Joel. You lost yourself in him; in the glide of his tongue against your core, in the way your fingers twisted in his hair, in the rough scrape of his beard against your inner thighs. He was everywhere, everything.
In time, you were vaguely aware of him pulling back, of only the drag of his fingers inside you remaining, and you knew he must have been watching you, raking in the sight of you so exposed.
âThere you go,â you could hear him saying, somewhere past the ringing in your ears. âGive it tâme. Thatâs it, look so pretty like this, all fucked out just for me.â
And when he dragged his fingers out of you, it was only to make room for his head to drop down once more to suck and lick at where your orgasm dripped out of you, moaning as he went, desperate not to miss a single drop.
Finally, after the final waves of your climax had settled, and your limbs dropped heavily against the bed, he kissed his way up your body, wet mouth leaving a shimmering trail along your skin until he reached your face and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
He pulled back after a moment, and you breathed deeply, lost in the way the sunlight danced across the back of your eyelids. You werenât aware of the corners of your mouth tilting upward, of your lips peeling back to reveal your teeth as you grinned brazenly, cool relief coursing through you.
âLook at that,â Joelâs voice brought you back down to earth, and you blinked heavily, trying to focus your bleary eyes on his face. His hair was messy, a dark rough halo around his head as the sunlight shone around him. One side of his mouth was pointed upward, a small smirk decorating his features. âThereâs that smile.â
#joel miller#the last of us#tlou#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller smut#joel miller angst#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#joel miller one shot#my writing#fake it
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First Choice - Part 4
Part Four of this Poly141! x fat!reader tw: social anxiety, self-doubt, drinking, more touchy-touchy, reader thinks about sexual acts
In celebration of 200 followers, this part has way more than 650 words. More like 1600. :)
Conversation flowed easily with them despite their sole focus being on you. At some point, Kyleâs hand had drifted onto your thigh, fingers pressing into the flesh gently. Johnâs arm had slipped from the back of the booth and now rested around your shoulders. You couldnât be sure, but it seemed Johnny couldnât keep his feet still and kept tapping yours under the table. The only one who couldnât seem to relax was Ghost, sitting almost across from you.Â
His eyes never left you and he mainly seemed to communicate in grunts. At least, he was drinking this time, his glass now empty of his own whiskey. You were careful not to drink too much, not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of these beautiful men. But it didnât keep you from relaxing and feeling the warmth of the two next to you.Â
Pulling out your phone, you checked the time and groaned. âI really should be going. Itâs been great,â you announce, looking to Kyle to move so you could slide out from the booth. âAw come on. Weâre having so much fun. Just a wee longer?â Johnny asks and you turn to him, finding yourself giving in almost immediately. Damn the puppy dog eyes.Â
âOnly a bit longer,â you concede and relax back into the seat. This time when Kyleâs hand lands on your thigh, itâs higher and the heat is searing through your jeans. You let out a soft sound, biting your lip as his hand starts slowly caressing your thigh up and down. Heâs not even looking at you when you look up, already deep in conversation with Johnny about some sports game you had no clue about.Â
Johnâs arm settled back over your shoulders, pulling you slightly closer so his hand hovers over your breast and you can feel the hair of his arm on your bare collarbone. Your breasts jiggle slightly with your laugh when Johnny makes a joke and you donât miss the way his pupils dilate ever so slightly before darting back up to your face. He, at least, has the decency to blush, the faint pink color tinging his cheeks.Â
When the crowd in the bar starts to thin out and you realize even your friends have left for the night, youâre yawning in your seat and now leaned completely against John with his thick arm draped over your shoulders. Kyleâs hand is now tucked between your thick thighs, the side pressed as tightly to your core as he can get it and you hope to whatever higher powers that be that he couldnât feel the radiating heat or the damp spot that had soaked into your panties.Â
âOkay, okay. I really do need to go now. My friends arenât even here anymore and thatâs saying something,â you chirp, suddenly very awake and aware that youâre in an almost empty bar with four men youâd only met that night. They all look at you like theyâd rather eat sawdust than let you go and you feel a warmth creep over you.Â
âAhw, bonnie, we couldnât let you go home on your own. Let us take you home,â Johnny chimes in, soft smile and kind eyes that hold a hint of something else in them. You swallow, looking between each of them. Your gaze lingers on Ghost for a while, noticing the manâs eyes had almost never left you.
âYeah, alright. Letâs go. Itâs not a far walk,â you reply, biting your lip at the reckless decision. These men could be serial killers and you were just inviting them to know exactly where you live. âWhy donât you let Johnny and Ghost take you home? Kyle and I can follow in our truck so theyâre not stuck walking back here,â John offers, a warm smile curling up the thick mustache.Â
At this point, youâre ready for bed and just want to get home. âSounds good to me,â you reply though the words are manipulated by a yawn. All of you shuffle out of the round booth, both Kyle and John kissing the top of your head like theyâd known you for years before disappearing out the door. You wrap your jacket around you again, pulling the zipper together over your belly and getting a little frustrated when it gets caught up on your shirt.Â
âLemme,â Ghost grumbled, stepping up to you and taking hold of the jammed zipper. Itâs the first time heâs spoken all night and it almost stuns you how deep and growly it is. Your breath hitches as he grabs the zipper, yanking on it and subsequently making your breasts bounce as he accidentally pushes against them. He gets it undone and you mutter a bashful âthanksâ before turning on your heel as you finish zipping it up to your throat.
You know theyâre meant to be escorting you home, but youâre out the door so fast the two men have to jog to catch up. Johnnyâs arm wraps around your waist, fingers pressing into the pudge of your stomach in a way that makes you want to shrivel up. You donât like anyone touching your stomach, but youâre warring with yourself on whether or not to move his hand, to show that kind of discomfort in front of these men.Â
You choose to do so anyway, wrapping your fingers around his and lifting his arm up over your head and ducking under it, dropping it at his side. Johnny looks down at you with a furrowed brow. âDonâ like it when people touch you, do you?â he asks as he shoves his hands in his pockets. He doesnât look bothered that youâd removed his arm, but your anxiety rears its ugly head and makes you worried youâd offended him.Â
âItâs not that I donât like being touched. It-ItâsâŚcomplicated. I-I donât want to talk about it,â you manage to stammer out before picking up your speed. Itâs not like youâre going to shake off your two guard dogs whose legs are easily longer than yours by several inches, but you take off anyways.Â
When your building finally comes into view, you slow your pace and breathe a soft sigh of relief. Your bed was so close, just a few more yards and you could get rid of the guard dogs and curl up in bed. âWell, this is me. Thanks for bringing me home. I really appreciate it.â You were grateful that theyâd walked you home. It wasnât safe this time of night to be wandering around in this part of town.Â
âWeâre walking you to your door, bonnie. Wouldnât want someone to snatch you up between here and there,â Johnny stated, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the scent of him, warm and tingly to the nose like oranges and nutmeg, but you shook your head and backed up to the door of your building. âThereâs really no need. My neighbors are great.â Lie. Absolute fucking lie. Nestor at the end of the hall on the first floor would, no questions asked, rip you from the hallway if he saw you alone. A chill went down your spine and you conceded the moment you looked into Ghostâs eyes. You didnât have a choice if they were escorting you all the way up.Â
You turned and opened the door to the building, looking down the hall to make sure Nestor was in his apartment before slipping in and letting the boys in behind you. You headed to the elevator and punched the up arrow, biting your lip as you tried not to wither under the intense stare of the man in the mask. The elevator had been the selling point for you. It was the only place within your budget that had an elevator and you werenât about to walk up five flights of stairs multiple times a day.Â
The lift dinged and you stepped inside, Ghost and Johnny slipping in behind you just to stand with their bodies pressed against your back. Unintentionally, you leaned into them before your eyes widened at your own movement and you straightened so your body pulled away slightly.
The doors dinged and opened allowing you to step out onto your floor. You headed to your unit, digging for your keys in your purse. With a âaha!â, you pulled them out and shoved the key into the doorknob, unlocking it. âWould you guys like to come in? I might have some whiskey left?â you offer, turning to look at them. You didnât know why you were inviting them in, but the sense of safety you had around them had you desperate for them to stay.Â
âSure, lemme text Price and Kyle where to come. Go on in, Si-Ghost. Iâll come in in a minute,â Johnny stated, already pulling his phone out and going to stand next to the window at the end of the hall. You opened the door and allowed Ghost in, leaving it unlocked so the others could join once they arrived.Â
Heading into your kitchen, you stood up on your tippy toes, reaching up so you could pull out five of your good glasses. You were looking for the last one, but it was just out of your reach. Suddenly, you felt what could only be Ghost against your back, pressing you against the counter as he leaned over you to grab the glass.Â
The heat of him against your back has your thighs clenching together while you watch his thick digits wrap around the glass and you wonder briefly what theyâd feel like inside you. He takes a step back once he has the cup and holds it out to you.Â
You turn back to him while trying to fight off the blush coloring your cheeks. You murmur a thanks and wrap your own fingers around the glass.Â
Of course, that would be when the other three burst loudly through the door.
I wasn't intending for this to become a whole story, but it's really stuck with me over the last week or so.
<- Part Three Part Five ->
#captain john price#call of duty x reader#johnny soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#poly!141#simon riley x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#kyle gaz x reader#kyle gaz#kyle garrick#kyle gaz x you#john price x reader#john price#john price x plus size reader#john price x you#Johnny soap mactavish x plus size reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley#simon riley x plus size reader#kyle Garrick x plus size reader#tradgedyinwaves
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Pink, Sweet smelling dust
Paring: Dean Winchester x reader
Summary: While on a witch hunt, you and Dean get some sort of dust thrown on you. After Dean ganks her, you two high-tail it to the bunker thinking the worst. Turns out that witch got her dusts mixed up and hit you guys with an aphrodisiac.
A/N: I heart Dean Winchester. The relationship between the two of you is unspecified and its implied that this is the first time you guys are having sex. I love the sex pollen au :P
Warnings: NSFW(18+) car sex, rough sex, unprotected sex
Your heart was beating so fast. You could figure out if it was from the fear of what was to come from that dust, or if it was from the dust. Looking up at Dean, he seems to be taking this a lot better than you, or he was at least pretending to.
The two of you were fast-paced walking to the Impala, not even caring to clean up the mess that was made. "Your heart beating fast, too?" You asked, voice laced with worry.
"Yeah, but don't worry about it. We'll be fine." Dean said as he fished his car keys out of his pockets. You couldn't tell if he actually believed that, though, or if he was just trying to make you feel better. The hunt was going fine right up until she blew pink, sweet smelling dust into your faces. "What the fuck was that?" Dean had yelled at her. She only gave him a dry laugh in response with a suspenseful "You'll see"
Dean had no hesitation when he shot her in the chest, only checking to make sure she was actually dead before grabbing you and high- tailing to the car.
Once the two of you got in the car Dean wasted no time putting the key in the ignition. You barely had time to buckle your seat belt before he sped off, causing the dirt on the road to fly into the air. Even with Dean going thirty over the speed limit, the car ride is at least half an hour long. You have no idea how your going to survive that, especially with the growing ache between your legs.
The only thing you can think about is your doomed fate. There was no time-limit on how long this would take before it ends the both of you. For all you know it would take only a minute.
Dean notices the anxiousness spread all across your face. He reaches his hand over the comfortingly pats your knee. You realize hes trying to make you feel less scared but you suddenly become hyper-aware of your body and how hot you feel.
Its just his hand on my knee. You think to yourself. There's no reason to get all excited from that.
He leaves his hand on your knee, and all you can think about now is where else he could put his hands. On your thighs? On your chest? In your mouth? Inside of you- You shudder and close your eyes tightly at that thought.
Its not that you haven't thought about Dean like that, you were sure just about everyone who met him has. You just never had it take such a big effect on you especially when you're right next to him.
Dean takes your shudder as a shudder of anxiety, so he trails his hand up ever so slightly and presses his fingers into the skin of your thigh.
The only sound in the car is the humming from the engine, none of Deans usual songs playing. At a time like this, you wish the radio was on to distract you.
You stick out your tongue to wet your dry lips. Deans hand that isn't on your thigh is gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles are turning white. His movements are stiff and his eyes are locked on the road, not sparing you a glance. You wonder if he has the same problem as you, if he also has an ache between his legs. You quickly glance down to his pants and see that, yes, he does have the same problem, the large tent in his pants being painfully obvious.
Dean turns his head immediately to you when you let out a little whimper at the sight of his bulge. You avoid eye contact, desperately staring out of the car window.
"You okay?" he asks you, his gruff voice adding to the fire in your belly.
"Yup," you squeak out. What is this man doing to you? You can hardly think straight.
Dean doesn't believe you, not in the slightest. It takes a minute for the gears in his head to turn before he realizes; you feel the same way he does. He originally chocked it up to you being scared, but he knows that is not the case. Dean slides his hand up higher on your thigh, you suck in a quick breath at the feeling.
"You sure?" He asks you with an underlying tone of arousal. You look back to him as you angle your leg to lean towards his body. "Mhm." You mumble out.
The fingers on your upper thigh slowly creep to the junction of your hip and thigh, there Dean rubs small circles into your flesh. His touch is lighting you on fire. Your breathing picks up and the ache between your legs rapidly intensifies.
On the old dirt roads Dean pulls off to the side, stopping close to the trees that line the road. He puts the car in park and turns off the vehicle. There was no cars on the road this late at night, It was just you two.
"You feel it too?" He asks you, just incase this is actually just one big coincidence and he read into it too much.
You nod your head yes and unbuckle your seat belt, Dean does the same. There is a pregnant pause where the both of you just look at each other, unsure of what to do. You cannot take this feeling anymore, though. You almost pounce on Dean. You crash your lips against his as his hand come up to hold your jaw in place. The kiss is messy, unsynchronized with teeth bumping against teeth and tongues sloppily licking at each other's mouth.
Dean uses his free hand to push you back onto the flat seat of the car. It's a good thing that the car has the big bench seats or else this would be a lot more uncomfortable. You're now laying down under Dean, his hand roughly grabbing at your boobs. You moan into the kiss.
Dean roughly pulls down your pants, leaving you in just your panties. All embarrassment you might have had has been overshadowed by your need to be fucked by Dean. You bring your hand down to grip Deans hard cock through his pants, he lets out a hoarse moan at the friction. You make work on unbuttoning his pants and also pulling them down.
Skipping all foreplay it seems you both feel like you'll explode if you aren't fucking as soon as possible, hell, you actually might. You pull down Deans boxers just low enough for you to free his cock. You jerk him a few times before he breaks the kiss. "Can I fuck you?" He says, you're literally jerking him off but he just wants to make sure. Ever the gentleman.
You enthusiastically nod your head up and down, giving him the go-ahead.
He takes his cock in his own hand and uses his other hand to push your panties to the side, allowing him access to your wet pussy. He pushed into you, both of you releasing pent up moans. His cock is big, and you barely have anytime to adjust to his size before he roughly grabs your hips with both of his hands and starts thrusting into you.
Dean leans down to your neck to kiss and suck on your pulse point as you're moaning sweet praises to him, urging him to keep going. The windows start to fog up from both of your heavy breaths being released. Its an erotic scene, thats for sure. The both of you in the front seat fucking like you're depraved.
There's definitely going to be bruises on your hips, you think to yourself. You lock your legs around Deans torso. Deans moans are like music to your ears, going straight to your impending orgasm. Your nails scratch at his back.
"Fuck- I'm close." You moan out into Deans ear.
"Yeah me too, sweetheart." His pace never relents, though, even with his orgasm quickly approaching. If anything it speeds up.
You can feel the coil in your belly tighten like no other time before. Your hands are grasping and clawing at Deans shoulders as your back arches, pushing your chest to his.
The coil in your belly snaps hard. Harder than any time before. You screw your eyes shut and loudly cry out as you cum around Deans cock.
It takes Dean no time to be cumming, as well. He cums inside of you, not that you care you're too fucked out to be thinking about anything other than your orgasm.
You slowly release your legs' hold on Deans waist. The both of you trying to catch your breath from your climax. He slowly pulls out of you and tucks himself back into his pants. Dean sits back up-right on the seat and you follow suit. You fix your panties and pull your pants up.
The both of you just sit in silence for a moment, collecting your thoughts. You notice that you no longer feel anxious or ill, like the sex completly cured you... Oh. You think you figured it out. You open your mouth to say someting to the man next to you but he beats you to it.
"I think it was a sex powder."
#dean x reader#dean x y/n#dean winchester smut#dean winchester#supernatural x reader#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#smut#zamn#in the car#supernatural
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"GIRLFRIEND"
Carmen Berzatto x Reader (you)
( @softmullet : i want me some tender love from carmy đŠ ) Notes: I believe that if things had gone well in the last episode of the second season, it could easily have gone something like this, I hope this story is enough for you, and i hope u like it. Thank's for the request
Summary: When Carmen's "girlfriend" comes up at the opening of The Bear, at the end of the night they both realize something
It was family and friends night at the restaurant, the first service at The Bear, and Carmen couldn't be more anxious about it. He wanted everything to go well, to serve good service, good food, a good place, he wanted it to be perfect. You went with your friends, Melissa and Isis, to the opening of The Bear. Although Carmen was aware that you might be there, since he was the one who invited you, he hadn't thought you would actually go.
â Cousin, your girlfriend is at table 29.
Richie, who was in charge of the dining area, approached Carmen working in his station. â She's your girlfriend already, right cousin?
â She's here? Carmen asked, not stopping his food preparation.
â Damn, man, figure it out and make her your girlfriend quick. That's what Richie said before leaving the kitchen, leaving Carmen thoughtful
You and Carmen started going out frequently four months ago. Your confidence in what you did, your smile, and the unusual comfort you transmitted to Carmen made anxiety spread through his body. But for the first time, it wasn't the bad kind of anxietyâit felt good to be near you.
Sitting at table twenty-one, you smiled towards Richie, who approached the table with a bottle of wine and a smile on his lips.
â Y/n. Richie said your name as he stopped beside you before continuing; â Excuse me, girls, would you like some wine? I know it's what you like.
â Hi, Richie. You greeted him and your friends smiled.
â Yeah, Iâd love that. Isis smiled at Richie following Melissaâs confirmation beside her.
â How sweet, thank you.
â Thanks. â you thanked politely as you saw him filling your glass. â Things are really good around here, dude. Carm didn't tell me it was all so fancy.
â What do you mean, cousin didn't show off with those fancy cutlery?
Richie teased Carmen, causing laughter from your lips and two mischievous smiles directed at you by your friends.
â Yeah, I don't know, I guess he didn't want to involve me in this. You said shrugging your shoulders as you took a sip of your wine.
â I think he wants to involve you in everything, Y/n Bear. Heâs just not good at it... â the older man nodded and started stepping back â Now Iâll let you enjoy the night, if you need anything, Iâll be at your disposal. He said before disappearing into the dining area.
â Oh no, stay. Isis murmured watching Richie leave while biting her thumb distractedly.
â He's too old for you. You said laughing out loud and snapping Isis out of her daydreams.
â Regardless, sister. Your boyfriendâs friend is hot.
â Carmen is not my boyfriend. You huffed looking at the glass in your hand.
â Oh really, youâre still at this? You sleep at each other's houses, fuck like rabbits, and I feel like the loneliest person in the world when I see you two. What are you? Friends? No way. Melissa said rolling her eyes before laughing and drinking her wine.
â Weâve never talked about it. He didn't grow up with a good image of relationships, I don't want to force anything, sometimes he just wants a fling.
â Right, a fling of a hundred and twenty-one days. Wake up, baby, you heard the hottie, he wants to involve you in everything. Isis said sighing.
â But what if he doesn't want to... he probably didn't even want me here. You said laughing nasally, remembering Carmenâs vague mention a week ago, saying you could come if you wanted to.
â Believe me, Y/n, you have enough personality for him to want you! â Melissa smiled leaning back in the chair â I bet twenty bucks heâll come here just to bring your dish because heâs totally in love with you.
â As if he had time, this is a restaurant and itâs full, Mel...â You said laughing again.
â I think heâll come, I mean, would he really not? Isis shrugged drinking her wine again.
â Alright, letâs see...
Not long after, the conversation that you three had started was interrupted by the huge smile on Melissaâs face. The dishes were placed in front of you and Carmen's eyes fell on you like a magnet.
â Hi.
â Hi, everything is really good, Carm. Congrats.
â Thanks. Uhm, yeah...â Carmen said and at that moment he was grateful not to have anything special to present on your plate because you were too beautiful for him to focus on anything other than you at that table. â You look beautiful and I hope you all have a good time. Enjoy! He said stepping away from the table with a glance before disappearing back into the kitchen.
â Heâs obviously busy and still came to say hi to you. Melissa smiled and groaned while throwing her head back.
â You look beautiful, thatâs the compliment Iâve heard the most on all my dates and this was the first truly sincere one Iâve heard, my god. Isis said smiling while looking at you, smiling at your plate.
â hmm, yeah, heâs sweet.
â I want my money. Melissa said before starting to eat like you and Isis.
°°°
The end of the night had come, the place was less noisy, the last customers were leaving, the kitchen was starting to be cleaned and that meant Carmen was less hectic if everything had gone well.
You had left Isis and Melissa behind in the dining area with Niel and Richie while you looked for Carmen.
Passing by Sydney who was leaning on the counter, you stopped to look at her for a while.
â Hey, Syd. Are you alright? You asked and received a nod from the girl who seemed tired.
â Yeah, Iâm fine, itâs just...you know...all of this was crazy and it was my first night working like this for real, so... itâs a lot. She vented and you sighed agreeing.
â I could say I understand but in reality, I donât understand the pressure you guys have in the kitchen, but I can guarantee you did a great job, everything I ate, the service, everything was great. You said and Sydney smiled at you, understanding why Carmen liked you, it was simple.
â Thanks, Y/n. I think you should tell him that, heâs a bit worried.
â Where is he? You asked, twisting your lips.
â Office. Sydney gestured with her hands, showing you the way and with a grateful smile, you went after Carmen who was found by you sitting in the office, now Natalieâs, with his hands on his head.
â Hey, Chef. You said, standing at the office door waiting for him to let you in.
â Hi. Carmen responded, adjusting his posture and freeing his lap for you to sit on his thighs. There was the confirmation you needed.
â Whatâs wrong? You asked, sitting on him and wrapping your hands around his neck.
â I think I could have done better. He murmured
â You can always do better, Carmy, but what you guys did here today was great. The girls were delighted even with the damn glasses on the table. You murmured and saw Carmen close his eyes, closing his arms around your waist. â You know I wouldnât lie to you if I had any complaints about this place, and I can assure you that things, at least out there, were great. How were they here?
Your voice was calming for Carmen who forced himself to open his eyes and look at the beautiful thing in his arms. â We should be more organized.
â Hm, things like that always happen, you guys will get the hang of it, this was the first service, my love.
And there was the nickname that made Carmen feel like a prematurely lovestruck teenager.
â Iâm really happy you liked it, beautiful. Carmen murmured, bringing a hand to your left cheek.
â You. Should. Relax. â With each pause, you planted a peck on Berzattoâs lips. Once you felt him still tense.
â Why are you so perfect, fuck. Carmen whispered, sucking on your neck and pulling you in for a longer, more heated kiss. â Did you like the wine you drank? He asked, pulling your body closer to his.
â It was you who chose it. Now it makes sense. You laughed softly, playing with the curls of the man below you. â I loved it, thanks.
â I'm happy that you came, I thought you wouldnât. Carmen admitted, which made you make a confused face.
â I almost thought you didnât want me to come. You murmured, embarrassed, and Carmen frowned, pulling your face to look at him.
â I love when youâre near me, please, stay close. He asked with conviction in his words.
â Okay, I will.
â Listen, I-I want you to be my girlfriend, Y/n. But I want to do this right...â Carmen started and before he could finish you stopped him, agreeing.
â I love you, Carmy. You asking me to be your girlfriend or not, itâs okay, we donât need to do this like itâs a race. You agreed softly, looking into his eyes until the mood was broken by Richie shouting from the other side of the kitchen:
â Allright, cousin, enough of the mushiness. We need to close this restaurant. The older man appeared in the doorway and looked at you two with a bored face. â Didnât know we could have sex at work.
â Shut up. Carmen said while you got up from his lap and Richie disappeared from your sight.
â Hey, want to sleep over? Iâll finish quickly. Carmen offered and you smiled, nodding your head gently.
â Sure. You said watching him leave the office and come back in a second.
â And hey, I love you too.
---
Requests are open â¨
#carmen berzatto x you#carmen berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto angst#carmen berzatto smut#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto x fem!reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy the bear#the bear fanfiction#the bear#the bear hulu#richie the bear
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Just a lil post about Taash and how I'm feeling about how ppl are reacting to them as someone who relates to them very strongly not only on the gender journey front, but also on the mom-issues front.
Cut for length b/c of course this won't actually be a "little" post lol
So I hear a lot of "Taash is too young" "Taash acts like a child" "Taash is too brash" "Taash has wildly binary views of the world" "Taash is thinks their reality is the world's reality" etc etc etc
And I'm here to say that as someone who realized that non-binary was a thing later in life, grew up trying to be them, but society was not only unwelcoming to that, but openly hostile at points, with a mom who had totally different interests, who very much wanted to protect them from the outside world to a point where it left them unprepared to deal with nuances of the world, etc, a mom who thought they were "just doing their best" but was never meant to be a mom, and never wanted to be a mom, didn't have the tools for mom-hood, who wanted to protect their child, but had no real idea how, and how every comment turned into the mom trying to steer her kid the right way, but just came out as a dig or a "you're not good enough" remark, AND looking after your mom in a world that is wholly unsuited to her, that she can't really adapt to and fit into, and kinda becoming her mom to a point so that your life completely revolves around her until you leave home?
Yeah. I get Taash. It's actually kinda freaky how, fantasy elements aside, I get Taash on a frightening level. (aside from the dragon stuff, we're both the same with that HELL YEAH DRAGONS)
Taash doesn't read young to me because I've always read young because of how I was raised. I didn't get the chance to figure myself out until I left home. I also had the benefit of being able to leave for college at a younger age, and got a chance to experience things away from my mom earlier. But seeing things in such a binary way, that's how it is when you're protected like that.
You don't want to admit how similar you are to how your mom sees the world, b/c she sees it in one way, and as you go through life, you get to learn differently. You come out of this situation INCREDIBLY judgmental at first. Why aren't THESE things conforming to MY reality. You come across as brash and childish. And when you get treated as such, it's triggering b/c that's how your mom treats you.
You hate how you look, you think you look like a freak b/c your mom is constantly commenting on your appearance. She does it out of love (she wants you to be healthy & not mocked by your peers) but she doesn't consider that constantly telling you not to look a certain way does damage. My self confidence only recovered in my thirties. I'm 4 days from my 38th birthday, and it took getting pregnant to finally be like "you know what, I don't hate myself & my body" which is MASSIVE for me.
So where do we get our self confidence? In things we enjoy, in hyperfocuses that we're good at. For me that's comics, naginata, fantasy & DA lore lol XD For Taash it's dragons, fighting, and working out. And when we falter there, it's devastating b/c it's the only way we can feel good about ourselves b/c our SELVES are disconnected and tucked away b/c they make us feel bad.
So I totally get how Taash reads to people. The autism aspects are more like my wife (who is autistic & has issues with social cues, while I'm HYPER AWARE of social stuff which fuels my anxiety b/c of the type of person my mom was and how I had to look after her), but I get it.
But it makes me sad when I hear people dunk on Taash as "bad writing" and "unrealistic" and "annoying" and it's like...is that how you see people like that? Is that how you see me and people like my wife? I feel like people aren't willing to look deeper so often (an issue with all the companions tbh & some day I'll have to get into my Davrin feels b/c BOY do I have them. Neve too, WHOOF) but I feel like if you do that in a game, I hope you don't do that irl.
anyway TLDR this is a Taash defense post b/c while they have a lot of issues, stuff they need to work out & have wrong opinions on stuff, they're growing, they're learning & they have to do it later than most. They're an incredibly complicated character with tons of nuance, and I can't wait to get deeper into their story and banter with companions in round 2 of my playthroughs, and then again in round 3
Sorry this is too long, and I'm sure not all of this was intended when they were written, but this is how it all clicked with me as someone who has lived a large portion of that stuff. Like, again, I'm nearly fucking FOURTY and I don't feel like I should be there yet b/c I started so far back. It ALSO doesn't help that ADHD wild child I was, I was held back in preschool b/c neurodivergence also makes a kid read younger, AND the choice to have me be the youngest in the class would have been a very bad one. So I'm older than most of my peers BUT I've always read younger, felt younger, and have had a sore spot when it comes to all that.
Thank you for coming to my Taash Talk, I'll be here all week to think about more stuff, including how their body makes them read as lady, and they're not sure how to feel about that, but they don't want to CHANGE it, but is it right?
ANYWHO this is why Taash is a fascinating character & deserves better than to be regulated to "annoying kid"
#dragon age#taash#datv spoilers#my spoiler tag#dragon age the veilguard#da companion deep dive#warning for Elaine childhood discussion too lol#mom trauma#this post is more of a vent place than anything#but if you like the digging into âwhy person like thatâ stuff on characters#you might like this too#also for anyone pulling a âfind me one person who actually is like Taash b/c it's soooo unrealisticâ it's me you found the one person#there are other ppl too of course but here I am
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My dear lgbt+ kids,
Can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?
Well, if you trust many social media posts, then the answer would be a resounding "No". Narcissistic is - apparently - a synonym for abusive, and of course you can't have a healthy relationship with an abusive partner!
But, well, social media is not always right. A lot of topics get oversimplified, terms get misused and black-or-white thinking is rampant - and "narcissistic means abusive" falls into all three of those pits.
Let's look at it a bit closer: "Abusive" describes a set of behaviors - while narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) describes, well, a personality disorder. It's a mental health condition.
I am not a trained mental health professional, so I'll use a medical source here. According to mayoclinic.org (link to article), symptoms and their intensity may vary from one affected person to the next (just like the exact symptoms and severity of depression or anxiety may vary!). A person with NPD may
have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance
have an excessive need for attention and admiration
have low/no empathy (struggle to understand or care about the feelings of others)
have low self-worth
be easily upset by criticism
struggle with social interactions
have difficulty managing their emotions
experience major problems dealing with stressÂ
And, again just like with other mental health conditions, NPD can negatively affect the person in a lot of areas of life. For example, struggling to manage their emotions and stress levels may make it hard for them to hold down a job and cause financial worries, or they may avoid participating in social events, which may lead to them becoming isolated and depressed etc. And yes, of course some symptoms may also lead to problems in romantic relationships.
Therapy for NPD usually centers around talk therapy, with the goal of helping the person to better understand and manage their emotions, to learn how to cope with self-worth issues, and to create/maintain healthy fulfilling relationships and communication with the people around them.
Now, you can look at all this and go "See? The social media posts are right! They are self-centered, have no empathy and are easily upset! That's abusive!" - but that'd be jumping to conclusions. None of those things are behaviors.
An autistic person may also easily get upset and they may also feel low empathy. So could a person with major depression. Yet, we do not treat "autistic" or "depressed" as a synonym for abusive. We do not assume that their symptoms will definitely lead to abusive behavior. So, why would that be different for people with NPD?
Am I saying no person with NPD has ever been abusive? Of course not. That'd be black-or-white thinking, too. What I am saying is: People with NPD are people. And people can show abusive behavior or they can not.
If someone who easily feels upset hits you, that's abuse... but hitting would be abuse, even if they didn't feel easily upset. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be hitting you. If someone with no empathy degrades and insults you, that's abusive... but that would be abuse regardless of their ability to feel empathy. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be degrading and insulting you.
A person could have NPD and behave abusive - but "some people are X and Y, so all people who are X must be Y" is a flawed logic.
So, let's circle back to the beginning: can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Yeah. It will be a relationship with someone who has a mental health condition and that's something to be aware of because mental health conditions do affect everyday life (duh?).
You should set boundaries and take warning signs of abuse seriously - like you should do when you date anyone, regardless of health status.
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Dad
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Sum of All 4
Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of crime, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: mob!Steve Rogers
Part of the mob drabbles au
Summary:Â you are given an unexpected assignment.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. Iâm happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging â¤ď¸
Your legs feel empty, like thereâs no blood flowing beneath your waist. You walk beside Rogers, feeling as if you might fall on your face at any time. Thatâs probably not a good idea seeing as youâve already knocked out twice within the last hour or two.Â
He stops and steps ahead of you. He points to a door before he pushes it open, âin here.âÂ
You enter as he waits. For a moment, you worry it could be a sinister trick. That heâll slam the door and lock you in. But why would he do that? Well, why would he beat a man in the middle of the street?Â
Thinking of it again, you feel nauseous.Â
You look around the room. Thereâs a desk with folders stacked on it. The chair looks like it was manufactured during your great grandfatherâs war and the rug canât be much newer. The curtains are damask and the walls are real hardwood.Â
âItâs... nice,â you say, âvintage. Looks like the floorâs been refinished.âÂ
âYouâre not here to discuss the decor,â he retorts.Â
âOf course,â you agree as you twiddle your fingers. âWhat exactly am I here for, er, sir?âÂ
âYouâre an accountant.â He states.Â
âI am.âÂ
He sighs and crosses to the desk. You cautiously follow. You could tip over all over again.Â
âSir, do you mind if I sit?â You ask.Â
He just waves a hand toward the chair. You thank him and gratefully claim the seat. Who knew fainting was so exhausting?Â
âMan named Warren. I need you to tally it all up. Tell me what you find.â He explains. Â
âAlright, so Iâm balancing his ledger,â you nod.Â
âSure,â Rogers sniffs and tucks his hands into his pockets. He backs up and paces across the end of the rug. âYou need some water? You gonna check out again?âÂ
âOh, I have some,â you put your briefcase on the desk and pull out your water bottle. âThank you. Thatâs super kind. I can, uh, start on all this.âÂ
He turns back to you, âfine.âÂ
You smile as best you can as his hand runs up his lapel and draws your attention. Again, his knuckles fill you with queasiness. The bruises are the cherry on top of this whole messed up situation.Â
He pulls his hand back and looks at it. You realise he caught you staring. You clear your throat.Â
âLooks pretty bad,â he remarks.Â
âUm, yeah. Pretty bad,â you agree softly. âLook like theyâre swelling. Could probably use some ice.âÂ
He examines his hand further and clicks his tongue, âprobably.â He drops his arm. âWell, get to work. Donât got time to waste.âÂ
âGot it,â you assure him and reach for a folder.Â
He goes and you glance up right as he disappears through the door. He might be gone but your anxiety lingers. These are dangerous men, this is a dangerous place.Â
While you wouldnât want an old lady like Geraldine caught up in all of this, why did it have to be you? Itâs just like Mr. Brenner to be tangled up with criminals. And now youâre looking through promissory letters and gum wrappers with scribbles on them. This isnât going to be easy, especially without a computer.Â
Rogers returns. He sits in the leather armchair near the window. He holds a bundle wrapped in a cloth against his hand. It must be ice.Â
You pull out a receipt. Half of it is illegible beneath the crimson stain. Little droplets trail over the numbers you can kind of make out. Oh.Â
âIs that blood?â You ask out loud, then feel yourself plunging forward.Â
Your head hits the desk. Youâre a bit foggy but still awake. You gurgle and push yourself up. You fall stiffly back against the chair and it lurches with your weight.Â
Rogers appears across the desk from you. You stare at him as you grip the armrest and blow out between your lips. He squints as he comes around to your side.Â
âHey, sweetheart, stay with me,â he grabs your chin and you whimper. âEh, donât--âÂ
He taps your cheek with his fingers. Itâs a gentle gesture. His hand is cold from the ice.Â
âIâm good,â your murmur. âI just... Iâm not a violent person.â You carefully touch his wrist and he lets you go. âNot that Iâm saying anything about you. Or what happened earlier. Iâm just... look at me, right? Just an accountant.âÂ
He nods. Â
âYou think I overreacted,â he intones.Â
âI didnât say... itâs none of my business, right?â You move aside the bloody receipt and wheel closer to the desk. âNumbers are my business.âÂ
He hums, âsure.âÂ
You concentrate, or pretend to, on the folder before you. Thereâs a lot to sort out, and you mean, more than the clutter. Your mind is racing and you canât quite decipher anything youâre reading with the fear coursing through you.Â
âIâll be back,â he says abruptly as he backs away. âDon't leave this room.âÂ
You donât need him to give the command. You wouldnât dare wander around this place on your own. You nod, âI wonât, sir.âÂ
He spins on his heel and struts across the office. You only look up as he gets to the door. He leaves and you lean back in the chair. You canât let your panic take over. The quicker you get through this, the quicker you can get out of here, and hopefully, never ever come back.Â
You set yourself straight, fixing your posture, and set to your mission. You might not have the most experience, but youâre determined and you do know what youâre doing. All those places that never replied or sent you those template rejections, they have no idea.Â
You hunker down, filling the margins in the ledger, row by row. You are enthralled the more you do. Itâs like a story unfolding before you. Dates, amounts, locations. Huh, well, this might be some bad news. You really donât want to be the one to deliver it.Â
Donât be too eager. Thatâs only the first folder. You scratch down another number and flinch as something lands on the desk.Â
You sit up and stare at the paper bag. Rogers watches you across the desk. Your brows twitch in confusion. He huffs and opens the top of the bag.Â
âFigured you might not pass out if you eat something,â he takes out a wrapped bagel and holds it out. âCream cheese, sesame seed.âÂ
âOh, yum, I mean, thanks,â you accept it. âThatâs really... considerate.âÂ
âI can be,â his eyes narrow.Â
âOf course, I wasnât saying... anything. Just thank you,â you slowly unwrap the bagel.Â
He takes out his own and sits in the armchair. You peel back the paper and take a quarter of the bagel. You bite into it, careful not to get any crumbs on the desk.Â
It might not be the best day, very close to the worst, but you canât complain for a free meal.Â
#steve rogers#dark steve rogers#dark!steve rogers#steve rogers x reader#drabble#au#mob au#sum of all#mcu#marvel#avengers#captain america
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Grief is a funny thing
"Grief is a funny thing. You think that you got over it until you are sitting on a random bench, on a random Monday night and it comes back to remind you that it will always be part of you."
Pairing: CEO!Jungkook x f.Reader
Genre: Angst, married life!AU, Hurt & Comfort
Warnings: OC graduated yaay!!, but it brings up old memories for her and she is in a state of guilt & grief, talk about loss of family and grief that won't leave, tears, but Jungkook is there for her and he is such a comfort, i love him a lot
Wordcount: 2.1k
a/n: sometimes i have the desire to write something angsty for the aaol!couple. listennn, i reread some of the main chapters again and i wanted to write something about OC's grief over her brother and how Kook handles her grief episodes. soo that's why this was created <3
You graduated. You actually did it. You are officially a person with a masters degree. You are something. The degree is at home where you left it. On the living room coffee table next to an empty glass of water.Â
You canât look at it. Â
Nobody would get you if you told them that you donât want to look at it, because itâs insane. You are aware of it. For years, all you dreamt of was being something one day. And then it happened and you were able to pursue your dream education and to graduate. You literally fulfilled your biggest dream, it should make you happy and it does, but it also doesnât. Deep down in your heart you know the reason for it, but you arenât ready to admit it to yourself yet. It would make you cry. You hate crying for negative reasons.
Your phone rings. This is the third time it does and you know that you canât ignore whoever is calling you any longer.Â
Your heart stings when you check their ID.Â
Your Jungkookie is calling. You pick up, feeling guilty as you do.Â
âYes?â
âOh my god, finally. Thank god. Where are you? Iâve been trying to reach you for what feels like hours. Are you okay?â Jungkook sounds distressed on the other side of the line. Understandably. It is currently one in the morning and you left without warning.Â
âIâm okay, just went for a walk.â
âAt one in the morning?â he sounds confused. Understandably so. You are normally sleeping at this time of day.Â
âYeah, well. Yeah, I guess.â
âItâs pouring buckets right now.â
âI guess it is.â
Silence on his side where he clearly tries to process what you are saying.Â
âWhere are you? Iâm coming to pick you upâ, he says in the end.
âParadis. The bench in front of it.â
Another silence. Understandably. You never went back there again after quitting your job.
âJustâŚjust stay there. Iâll be quickâ, Jungkook tries to sound neutral, but the anxiety is clear in his voice.
âYeah, okay.â
âI adore you.â
âI adore you too.â
The call ends. You shove the phone back into your jacket pocket and continue to stare at the sign while the rain pours down on you. Jungkook doesnât need to worry. You werenât planning on leaving this bench for quite a while. All of this studying about how to help people and you feel helpless. It almost paralyzes you and makes time pass in a blur.
Jungkook runs to get to you, getting wet even under the umbrella as the water slaps against him. He calls out your name. You turn your head slowly, looking at him with tired, empty eyes.Â
âOh my god, my love. You scared me so much. Why would you leave without saying anything?â he says, falling around your neck to hug you against him.Â
Your body falls into him. He is warm and his hug is tight. He cradles the back of your head, twisting parts of your jacket with his other hand.Â
âYou made me worry like crazy. Please donât ever do this againâ, he says between little kisses all over your face and head.
âIâm sorry.âÂ
âApology accepted, my love. Just tell me whatâs wrong, please.âÂ
Now that he is with you and you are in his arms, the state of you is so clear to you.Â
âIâm really cold.âÂ
âNo wonder. Itâs fucking November and youâre sitting here getting drenched.â He says, trying to warm you by rubbing your back. âCome on, letâs go home.â
âYeah. Okay.â
You let him help you to your feet. You hook arms with him, hugging his arm with both hands. You even go as far as to rest your head against it. Jungkook holds the umbrella even though you and he are already soaked to the bones.Â
âYouâre worrying me, my love. Whatâs the matter?â he asks.
You and he walk back to his car at a slow pace.
âI donât knowâ, you say.
âWhy did you come here? Out of all the places?â
âI donât know. I was at my old place too. Itâs a storehouse for the restaurant these days.â
âYeah? Well, I donât really get why youâre here and what youâre doing. Iâm sorry.âÂ
âI canât look at it.â
âLook at what?â
âMy masters.â
Silence. You can watch him as he processes what you said. You can also see how he is trying so hard to be supportive.
âPlease donât take it the wrong way, but why? Iâm not judging, just having a hard time understanding this correctly.â
You cuddle closer. He always knows exactly what to say. It feels reassuring when he is honest. He might not understand, but he wants to. This is what unconditional love feels like.Â
âWhenever I look at it, I feel sick. I fulfilled my biggest dream and Iâm happy, but I also feel lost.â
âI see. Now I understand. Itâs scary knowing that something as big as college is over, but didnât you play with the idea of doing your PhDs too?â
âYeah, I did.â
âSee? Itâs not over yet if you want to. You have all the choices in the world. You can open your praxis or pursue your doctorâs degree. You have all the possibilities in the world. Iâll support you in any of them.âÂ
âI guess.â
âUnless thatâs what youâre lost with. Do you struggle with deciding?â
âI struggle with accepting the reality that I am something.â
âNo, my loveâ, he gasps.
âI feel unworthy of it. I had this lifeâ, you say, gesturing at the general direction of Paradis. âAnd now I have a Masters in psychology with chances of becoming a fucking doctor. Itâs insane. I shouldnât have this.â
âYes, you shouldâ, Jungkook insists loudly, furrowing his brows, âyou worked so hard for it. I had to carry you to bed sometimes when you fell asleep by your desk because you were so exhausted from studying. Remember?âÂ
âYeah.â
âSee? You literally worked your ass off for it. You should have it, for fuckâs sake. You wanted it for years and I wonât let you feel like this now.âÂ
You and he stop in front of his car. He shakes you by your shoulders gently as if to shake you awake from your self-deprecating nightmare.Â
âYouâre intelligent, resourceful and hardworking, ambitious and resilient and you got your degree because of that. You are amazing and you worked hard for it. You deserve it.âÂ
You nod your head, but say nothing to it.
âOkay, my love?â
He looks at you. You look at your feet.
âOkay, my love?â he stresses, caressing your cheek gently.
âJungkook, I miss my brotherâ, you confess what truly hurts so bad, instantly breaking into tears.
âOh ___ my love, Iâm sorry. Come hereâ, Jungkook gasps, wrapping his unoccupied arm around you.
You melt into his chest, sobbing into it while he holds you and comforts you.Â
âHe and I, we always fantasised about how it would be to become something. He always talked about sending me off to college one day. But heâs dead and he wonât ever see that I actually did it. Heâs dead. Why is he fucking dead?â
âOh my love. Iâm sorry. Life is so unfairâ, Jungkook gets out, crying with you.
âIt hurts so bad. He was supposed to see me off to college and, and see me graduate.â
âHe was. He really wasâ, Jungkook agrees, sobbing afterwards which gives you so much comfort. It feels so reassuring and comforting so cry with him. You donât even mind crying for negative reasons when he is with you.Â
âI feel so guilty. He was supposed to escape this life with me. We were supposed to get healthy and be happy.â
âYou were, my love. But itâs not your fault. He wouldnât want you to feel guilty for changing your life for the better.â
âI know, but it still hurts.â
You look up at Jungkook, spilling tears. He does as well, cradling your cheek.
âHe was supposed to know you. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle and, and be happy for me because I fell in love with someone like you.â
Jungkook smiles, sniffling.Â
âHe was supposed to be there on my happiest days. Why did he have to die?â
âI donât know and itâs so unfair.â
âIt is. He, he was supposed to be there for me on those days. He wasâŚâ A sob interrupts you. Jungkook soothes it with gentle touches to your arms. âIt hurts so much to know that he wonât ever see who I became. I will always stay this little, drug addicted orphan girl to him. It hurts so bad that I never became someone different to him.â
âNo, my love no. Iâm sure that his spirit is still somewhere out there and he watched you grow up and become who you are today, my love.â
âDo you really think that?â you ask, looking at him with child-like hopefulness in your eyes.
âI do. Iâm sure he is currently looking down at you and he feels proud and happy.â
âI hope soâ, you say and lower your head. Tears drip down from your cheeks. âUrgh god, I hate cryingâ, you get out, wiping at your own face aggressively.
âHey no.â Jungkook stops you gently. âDonât. Youâll hurt yourself.â
You look up at him while he holds your hands. He caresses your chin with the same hand, using his thumb for it.
âLetâs go home, okay?â he suggests in a soft voice.Â
You nod your head. Â
âCome on, Iâll drive.âÂ
You let him help you into the car. You stare outside as he drives off and you continue to stare outside as he drives through the city. Itâs late and it's raining, which means that the streets are almost empty for a change. Jungkook doesnât have the radio on. The purring of the car and the rain against the window are all the noises you hear. He has his hand on your thigh, giving you constant rubs of comfort. Itâs warm and itâs nice.
You and he drove for a while when you break the silence.
âIâm sorry.â
He glances at you.
âFor what?â
âFor running off without warning. For being so ungrateful for my masters. For dumping all of my stuff on you.â
âIâm not even gonna play into this right now because thereâs nothing for you to be sorry forâ, Jungkook answers you with slight anger in his voice. He isnât angry at you, but your self-deprecating use of words.
You hold his hand.
âIâm just so messy and youâre so goodâ, you confess.Â
âYouâre tired and youâre exhausted. Today was a very overwhelming day. Donât believe your thoughts anymore, my love.â
You and he stop at a red light.Â
âYou love me, right?â
Jungkook instantly leans over to kiss you. First your lips, then your forehead.
âI love you so muchâ, he whispers, cradling your cheek and gazing deep into your eyes. âI love everything about you, even the messiest and darkest parts. I always have and always will.âÂ
You canât bear to look into his eyes anymore, lowering your head shyly. The red light switches from red to green back to red again in the time you and he sit in the car and let his words sink in. The rain sounds calming as it hits the car.Â
âWhat are you thinking right now?â he asks in a quiet, gentle voice.Â
âA lot. Grief and guilt and, and⌠I guess, Iâm thinking that I donât feel overwhelmed anymore now that I talked about it with you.âÂ
âYes? This makes me happy to hear. Iâll always be there for you. And Iâll always come and get you from wherever you run off to.âÂ
He makes you laugh. Jungkook laughs with you, kissing your forehead. The light switches to green. He takes this chance and drives off, holding your hand as he does.
âJungkook, I wanna take a shower and then talk in bedâ, you tell him.
âThat sounds good. Weâll shower and then weâll cuddle and you can tell me all about your brother.â
âBut I already told you everything.â
âAnd? It wonât ever be boring to me.âÂ
âOh.âÂ
A deep breath fills your lungs and as it leaves you again, you feel lighter. You rest your head against the window, looking at him. The rainy night city passes him, the changing lights paint the prettiest of artworks onto his face.
âYouâre the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me.â
Jungkook squeezes your hand because that is all he can do right now in fear of looking away from traffic for too long.
âI can say the same about you, my love.â
#jungkook angst#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook scenario#jungkook drabble#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts angst#bts fanfic#bts fanfiction#bts scenario#bts drabble#bts x reader#bts x you#bangtan angst#bangtan fanfic#bangtan fanfiction#bangtan drabble#bangtan scenario#bangtan x reader#bangtan x you#fanfic: aaol
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sá´á´á´á´ĘĘ: in which jack and y/n attend the charity gala, things goâŚ.well pretty much as expected for the two of them.
á´Ąá´Ęá´
á´á´á´É´á´: 2.2k
á´Ąá´Ęɴɪɴɢs: minuscule bullying towards reader, fem reader, y/n usage, jack hate(?), no editing,
á´á´á´Ęá´Ęs É´á´á´á´: sorry holiday season + me donât mix well my writers block on this hit hard. it sat at 180 words since i last posted đââď¸
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Jack's heart raced as he straightened his tie in the mirror. It was a crisp black number that matched his tuxedo perfectly. Next to him, Y/n smoothed down her hair, a soft laugh escaping her lips as she caught him looking out of the corner of her eye. She looked radiant in the dress she picked out. It was simple, yet something about it made her eyes sparkle like the stars he had promised to show her once when they were kids.
The charity gala was in full swing when they arrived. The New Jersey Devils' logo adorned every surface, and the room was filled with the hum of chatter and clinking glasses. The scent of expensive cologne and perfume filled the air as they made their way through the crowd. Y/n felt like a fish out of water, her hands tightly clutching Jack's arm for support. She had never been to an event like this before. It was like stepping into a world she had only seen in the pages of glossy magazines.
âJack, Y/n! Over here!â Amanda called. She was standing off to the side of the Devilâs red carpet. She had her usual simple set up, herself, a camera, and the microphone. âAre you guys ready to just answer some simple questions about how you met, how long youâve been friends, when you decided friends weren't âjust friendsâ anymore?â
Jack looked over at Y/n and gave her a comforting smile. She returned it, a little wobbly around the edges. But she nodded firmly, at least Amanda is employed by the Devils and she wonât twist anything around.
âAnything to clear up the mess that was put out by people who donât know anything.â Jack muttered.
âGreat! First question I have for you all is this one, you two have been friends for a whi..â Jack cut Amanda off which isnât anything new for their conversations.
âNot just a while, practically our entire lives.â He was a little eager to get the right information out, but he could also feel the anxiety radiating off Y/nâs body.
âWow really? I figured it wouldâve been since grade school.â Amanda laughed lightly. âAnyways, talking about last season Jack, you told me that you were superstitious when you were younger but you didnât think you could be anymore. That was because your superstitious ritual partner was back home.â
Y/n looked up at Jack, her cheeks tinged with heat. Jack nodded, âyes, last season I didnât have any superstitions. I didnât have anything I followed before the pregame.â
âBut you do now, right? We have these pictures sent in by fans in the stands, y/nâs socials, as well as our own photographer that shows you making sure to shake her hand or fist bump with her before every home game.â Amanda asks Jack with a smile.
Jack couldnât help but grin down at Y/n. âYeah, I do. And sheâs the best luck Iâve ever had.â He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She felt like home, and he was never letting go of that.
The interview went on smoothly, with Amanda asking them about their favorite moments together, how they balanced their relationship with his hectic hockey schedule, and what they liked to do in their downtime. They played it cool, giving the camera the charming couple act they had so effortlessly slipped into. But as they stepped away from the spotlight, Y/n felt the weight of the eveningâs façade pressing down on her. She was aware of the glances and whispers from the donors and their significant others.
One of the donorâs girlfriends, a sleek blonde with a predatory smile, sailed past them, her eyes lingering on Y/n. "Jack's got a new one already?" she quipped to a friend, loud enough for them to hear. "They never last, do they?"
âI guess reputation really does proceed me.â Jack grumbled as they approached a table of his teammates.
Y/n felt the tension in his arm and gave him a squeeze. âDonât let them get to you.â She whispered. âYouâre not that guy anymore.â
âI know toots, itâs still a bit hard to hear sometimes.â Jack took a deep breath and nodded trying to clear his mind before plastering his signature smile and turning to face his teammates. He spotted Nico first and two free chairs.
âAye Cap, are you saving these for me?â Jack asked hopefully. His other option was down by Curtis, who often likes to have fun at the expense of his relationship history at gatherings like this.
Nico looked over at Jack with a knowing smile and nodded. âAlways.â
Jack pulled out the chair for Y/n before taking his own seat. His hand was gentle as he helped her down, his eyes never leaving hers for a moment. The gesture was so natural, it was as if they had done this a hundred times before. The other players and their dates turned to look, some raising their eyebrows at the new addition to Jackâs life. Y/n felt a sudden rush of nerves, but Jackâs strong hand on her back reassured her.
Nico leaned over with a warm smile, extending his hand. "You must be the famous Y/n," he said, his voice a smooth rumble. "Jack's been playing out of this world since you came into the picture. It's a pleasure to finally meet the woman who's tamed our resident bad boy." His eyes twinkled with mirth, but there was a hint of sincerity in his words.
The other teammates at the table nodded in agreement, their curiosity piqued by the uncharacteristic stability Jack had shown in recent months. They had all seen the social media trends, the endless parade of one-night-stands and party girls that had followed him around. Yet here was Y/n, looking like a breath of fresh air amidst the glitz and glamour of the gala.
Y/n took Nicoâs hand, giving it a firm shake. âThank you, Nico. Itâs nice to finally meet you too.â Her voice was steady, but inside she was a mess of nerves. She had read stories about the captainâs protectiveness over Jack and wondered if she had just earned a spot in his good graces.
The conversation at the table flowed easily, mostly centered around the teamâs latest wins and strategies for the upcoming season. The wives and girlfriends shared their own tales of navigating the tumultuous world of professional sports, offering Y/n a glimpse into the life she was pretending to be a part of. She tried to listen and contribute where she could, but only having a few games under her belt left little to no room.
Jack felt Y/nâs nerves through the fabric of her dress and gave her a gentle squeeze on the thigh under the table. He leaned over to whisper in her ear, âYouâre doing great, babe.â His breath was warm and comforting, and she felt a little of the tension ease from her shoulders. âThe guys and I have to go mingle with the donors to convince them to give money ... and if they already gave, get them to give more money. Are you okay to stay here and make friends?â
She nodded, forcing a smile. âOf course. Iâll be fine. Go do your thing.â
As Jack and the others stood up and made their way to the donors, Y/n found herself surrounded by the wives and girlfriends but it felt like being surrounded by vultures. They quickly crowded in around her like she was a shiny new toy. They were all dressed to the nines, their laughter tinkling like champagne flutes. Suddenly the dress she spent so much time looking for and had such an amazing day with Ellen shopping for, wasnât as marvelous anymore. She felt like the odd one out.
She didnât have the jewelry, the make up, or the hair upkeep that they had. She had simple. She was simple, by definition.
The conversations swirled around her, a mix of strategic networking and gossip that made her feel like she was drowning. She couldnât keep up. Her head spinning in circles trying to figure out who asked what question and which woman to look at to answer the question.
One of the wives leaned in closer, her eyes glinting with malicious amusement. "You know, Jack's never been one for long-term commitments. How do you handle it?"
Y/n took a sip of her water, her throat suddenly dry. "We take things one day at a time," she said, her voice a shade too high. The woman's words stung, echoing the whispers she had heard earlier. She knows Jack's past, but she also knows her Jackâthe Jack who has always been steadfast, caring, and utterly devoted to her as her best friend. If he can be that kind of person as a best friend, he can be that and so much more to his girlfriend.
The conversation around her grew more pointed, with the women sharing knowing looks and speaking in hushed tones about Jack's history. Y/n felt the heat rising in her cheeks as they dissected her relationship with a man she had known her entire life. She wanted to shout at them, to tell them that their opinions didnât matter, that Jack was nothing like the person they were describing. But she couldnât. She couldnât let them get the best of her, not here.
âSo this is who Hughes brought with him?â A different person who had approached the table asked.
Collective hums in agreement ring out.
âJeez, couldnât find someone a little moreâŚin his league? She is nowhere near a professional athlete worthy.â A snarky snooty voice rang out
âMust be desperate if he had to choose you. Guess all the other women in the remote area finally got a brain.â Another lady smirked watching as Y/nâs eyes glossed over.
Their words were like a knife to her heart. Y/n took a deep breath. She could feel the room closing in on her, the whispers turning into a crescendo of doubt in her mind. She took another sip of her drink, closing her eyes as the cool liquid hit the back of her sandpaper dry throat. Silently praying that when she opened her eyes they would all be gone or she would have the courage to stand up and leave.
But instead, Nico was there. His hand was firm on her elbow, gently guiding her away from the table. "Jack sent me to get you," he said, his voice low and soothing. "He's caught up with some donors, but he didnât want you to feel like he abandoned you.â
Y/n looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Thank you," she murmured.
Nico nodded, understanding in his gaze. He steered her through the throng of people, away from the judgmental whispers. They found a quiet corner where the music was just a dull throb in the background. He handed her a glass of champagne. "Jack's a good guy," he said, his voice earnest. "and he is caught up with a donor, but.â He paused and nodded his head in the direction of Jack.
âHe has no idea about what was going on. I saw the panic across your face. I wanted to help you and Jack. Heâs truly happy right now, last year I was worried about him. I thought I might have to suggest he go on leave. He was out of it. But now heâs an entirely different person. Heâs back to playing the way he played before the draft. He says itâs all because of you.â Nico finishes at the same moment Jack happens to make eye contact with Y/n.
Jackâs eyes searched hers for answers she didnât even know she was giving away. His smile faded as he noticed the sadness and the way she was holding herself. He knew it wasnât just nerves anymore. He quickly apologized and excused himself from the donor, leaving the man mid-sentence with a look of shock on his face.
He strode over to where Nico had escorted Y/n, his stride purposeful and swift. He didnât need to ask her nor Nico why they were clear across the ballroom from where he had left her. It was strikingly evident. When he reached them, he placed a hand on Nicoâs shoulder. âThanks, Cap. Iâve got it from here.â Placing his other hand softly on her cheek, his thumb caressing as lightly as a feather.
The look in her eyes spoke volumes. The whispers of doubt and the cruel words of the other women had left their marks, etched into the soft curves of her beautiful face. âCan we go home?â Her voice was weak as now she felt safe enough to crumble.
Jackâs hand moved around her waist and held her close, his hand on her face moved to cradle the back of her head and pulled her into his chest. âOf course. Whatever you want. Whenever you want, baby.â He didnât like seeing her this way, didnât like knowing that she was hurt because of his reputation. Or so he thought.
Her body melted into his, her arms wrapping around his waist, she leaned back and looked up at him. âLetâs go home.â The words barely make it out of her mouth before the first tear slips from her eye.
#cay writes#âĄâ¤ˇ believe in me#jack hughes#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes x y/n#jack hughes x you#jack hughes x fem!reader#jack hughes fluff#jack hughes fanfic#jack hughes imagine#nhl fic
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You know what? I just had A Thought(tm)~â
Danny. Our bby boy. MINDING HIS BUSINESS. Maybe visiting one of his buddies in the Realms after he graduates. When he just?? Get full on tackled from the sky.
And like?
Huh.
THIS hasn't happened in a bit. Not since he's become king. Legit, no one dares. He's honestly kinda missed it. Alright, square up... Mr. Uuuuuh.... Who are you?
And it's this barely formed New Ghost. Still in that glitch-y goopy blob phase and everything. Is Baby. Why... why does this infant Want To Fight God? I mean. He Respects It(tm), no lie, but? Not exactly usual for him?
And it turns out? This dude is some rando hero. He basicly JUST died. By all rights SHOULD be resting and gathering his strength to Form Right. But he's so worried for his team mates and everyone else he CAN'T. Recognized a fellow Hero's Costume even at a distance.
Please. PLEASE! You have to help him! We have to WARN everybody!
And Danny is just? Oh no. This Actual Infant Baby is gonna Anxiety himself to Actual Second Death at this rate. Yes! Sure! Just CALM DOWN! Anything you need buddy! BREATHE.
And this dude? Who died? Is legit a minor player who got WAY too deep but refused to abandoned People In Need(tm). It happens. It HURTS. But he saved a LOT of lives before he went down. Him and his team were just some Minor Heros from Belarus. How they ended up in deep space? Even THEY couldn't tell you.
They couldn't even bring him home.
He forgives them.
He could NEVER blame his friends. Not for this. The planet is in danger. Some... some THING. An invasion. The League has to be made aware. He DIED helping a planet try to evacuate all that they could. He... at least he...
He can't remember if the Eggs got out. They... they're like babies. A whole room full of toddlers who couldn't run. They had to de-connect from the main building to lift it out. He can't... can't...
He saved them... right? Held on.. long enough? Why can't he.. he...
Danny has to make him focus be for the kid spirals. Don't think of your last moments. Purpose. You NEED to do something right now, right?
Right! The League! We gotta warn them! And... okay. Danny can totally do that. (What LEAGUE??!) He DEFINITELY knows who you are talking about and will tell them Right Away. YOU however are gonna rest up.
So he leaves the kiddo with Lunch Lady. Mother and Frightening Matriarch Extraordinaire. Lunch Box promises to SIT on him if he tries to sneak off. Good kid. Now eat your soup before you BECOME soup.
Time to bully the eyeballs. Whoms't the F*ck is this "league"? And where does he find it? Talk. He has sand and he's not afraid to use it. Don't MAKE him get out the pepper grinder! Yeah. That's what he THOUGHT.
After much, prolonged and unnecessary, whining and dramatic threatening... he gets a printed out map. Cheapskates even used flimsy paper. He gets there. Jaunt is even kinda nice. He says hi to a few folks he hasn't seen in a while.
Opens a portal.
Steps out.
Gets punched in the face. RUDE! He punches the flying blue man back. Dents their wall. Not even a LITTLE sorry about that now! See if HE does you a favor aga-... is that his Ex? John?
John! Constantine you B@STARD. YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS. *Ten different hands slap a twenty on the table at his feet, including Constantine. Who is refusing to look at anybody.* Well, okay then. Debt payed. Gonna buy himself a shake or something, after this.
ANYWAY~ Good News Or Bad News?
He is met with silence. It's like they've never seen an ethereal, giant, glowing man with a suit that looks like a cut out of the night sky, step out of an eye searing rip in reality before. Man they're lives must be boring. But frankly? Danny can wait. It's not HIS reality that's gonna get messed up. He can take care of it if the wanna be Wah Babies. Good News or Bad News??? Pick one.
He sits back in the air and waits.
@stealingyourbones @cyrwrites
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp prompt#Message From Beyond AU#danny totally showed up mid-meeting#yes superman is mildly concussed#to be fair though#Kryptonians get the spookies around ghosts Super Easy#he panicked OKAY#Constantine gets around#this is actually the most amicable Ex hes run into in a while#wanna hook up in a closet?#john no they say#john YES he informs them
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â telling him âwe need to talkâ
including childe, gorou, alhaitham, scaramouche x gn! reader
ę° genre ęą â fluff, crack, childe's part is a bit sad, weâre evil, they're panicking
â childe
"oh! and one last thing." you pause, luring a deep gulp of air through your snagged throat, "can you come over tonight? we need to talk."
correspondingly, childe groggily rubbed his eyes and frowned at the wearisome remembrance of your previous accursed encounterâ it just couldn't leave him alone, that constricted gruff of panic.
the words you had spoken out earlier were continuing to peskily repeat themselves through his psyche, again and againâ like a virus progressively taking over its hostâ and it did, wretchedly slow, even after he finished a couple more salient tasks of his work.
did something happen between you both? or did he unintentionally do something he should be aware of but isn't?
nowadays, he had been abundantly occupied with carrying on the crucial duties as the eleventh fatui harbinger, essentially the befalling of the various nations all around teyvat in search of the enigmatic gnosis.
consequently, ajax would go on about balancing his private life together with his work in a notably strategic way. He had always made it a habit to keep the serious out of your relationship, though now he was debating wether or not that was your last straw.
because you see, ajax was convinced you'd actually dump him tonight.
so, well, under those circumstances, yeah, it's fine, he's fine, or wasn't he? after all he couldn't force you to stay, maybe, he's joking, perhaps.
he gave himself a second to rewind his rational thinking in search of a breakout from this state of affairs but instead, a rising silence befell his mind and he couldn't concentrate for the life of him.
by that means, childe was inordinately nervous and a dizzying sense of anxiety had been manifesting from inside outâ his breathing too, had become nimble, he felt as if someone had been suddenly suffocating him with a giant plastic bag over his head.
and then presently, there he was.
without a way to escape he was soon trapped in between the door and your body when he closed it shut behind him. You had made him follow you to the living roomâ your face, without a doubt, undisturbed and calculative which didn't make the appalling situation any better, due to this action his dreadful judgment prevailed over him much more unyielding.
he began to hatch a plot; because if he manipulates his emotions good enough while bamboozling himself over and over that he was in fact, okay, he'll maybe not suffer from an integral cardiac arrest after this blood curdling conversation.
for a brief period of time childe had been wholly iced to the ground, awaiting your voice. You turned around to face him, silence, a long and grueling five seconds of unbroken staring when you in confusion, pucker your brows together, "what's with you?"
he was overcome by a flat sense of both irritation and surprise at how casual you sounded, "wâ what?" childe didn't mean to stutter out his words like that, but his voice was still distressfully stricken.
"you seem sick." you note, directly holding your hand towards his face to keep it on top of his forehead, a flicker of concern eroding inwardly, childe winced at that and he bleeds into your touch, it was alleviating and he missed it, "no fever."
your apprehensive tone faded when you hastened to follow up your words, "i'm glad, because there's this thing i need your help with." you press yourself into his body, "it's a present for a family member." with your lips instantly split into a humane smile, you settled to tease him, ruffling his hair a bit.
childe thought this had to be some kind of metaphysical fantasy he had been trapped in the moment he entered your home, could he be hallucinating or did dottore really mix something into his orange juice earlier?
one of the first couple skills he had learned in the fatui was to always keep a clear head, yet right now he didn't have the time to even recompose himself nor did he realize that heâs been standing in front of you without moving an inchâ itâs as if he was currently deciphering a difficult secret riddle in his mind and wholly forgot about your presence.
ultimately, you had caught up on the panic and the unintentional perpetual twitch in his eyes, "hey." a sigh of relief, so soft yet it brought him to tears, he felt your hand shelter his once more, the tone on his face grew a bit lower and delicateâ a little more allayed.
without trying to conceal his worry now, childe responds clearly to you, "i thought i did something." he blurted outâ barely, his throat was still clenched and a continuing dread thudded in his heart.
his eyes widened and a light bead of sweat formed just above his browbone. The thought that you mightâve broken up with him vehemently churned and wrecked a deep havoc in his gut, it almost had him see white of terror.
you saw the glint of fearâ the panic, and closed the distance of your bodies, wrapping your arms around his waist to pull him close, "you didnât." the sound of your voice seized his heart and he breathed out a shaking heave.
"because youâre perfect to me."
as an instinctive counter, his eyes squinted a little of a bigger smile and a shadow of boundless solace stamped in his veins. effectively, he can breathe easily nowâ be that as it may but for childe to purely envision a skid second without you by his side hurt him so much, if the control of his body hadn't been as well trained by him as it was, he'd tremble into your enfold.
"iâm sorry." you patted his warm, rosy cheek with a kiss, "i didn't mean to make you feel this way." the tepidity of your eyes felt like the sun buzzing on a sweet summer day, "don't apologize." he stated and swallowed hard, returning your hug.
"i love you." he's leaning his face against your head and closed his eyes shut, "i love you too, ajax." a tearâ just one, was then glissading down his cheek at your well spoken words, .
â gorou
"gorou, we need to talk, i finally made up my mind."
talk about what? the great weather on watasumi island?
meanwhile gorou nearly lost what little self restraint he had left in his soulâ his right ear repeatedly twitching and serving as a bodily response. However, the way he had acknowledged the teeny tiny letter in his hand in the first placeâ with the disreputable words frumpily scrabbled on top of it with a black pencil, was largely concerning, he realized.
gorou didn't move for a couple seconds and remained by his own companyâ in silence, now his eyes grew a tone darker, because he was beginning to feel sick to his stomach, precisely the lower area, a stormy tornado of panic exuberantly nagging on the base of his spine.
what was it that he did because there must've been something he had to mess up if you're handling the situation in that precise way.
fundamentally speaking, (and that was the most irritating component in this whole situation) for you, to not say it out right away but rather have a hand written letter sent over to his officeâ it's ambiguous, everything turned out to be like a complete mess and he was a part of it.
to say he was both bewildered and crushed combined into one heavy ball of perplexing emotions was a restrained statement. Because truthfully, he was on the brink of a mental breakdown, his face was now hiding in his palms while he leaned further into the desk.
"it's over." he's talking under his own breathing, "that must be the case!"
if you have figured out one thing about your boyfriendâ it was that he had a habit of talking to himself whenever he was pressurized by an crucial mission or something was simply bothering him.
he (himself) stated that it was an eminent way of analyzing his scattered thoughts and bring down all meaningless components should there be any at hand.
having said that, you would mentally applaud him because gorou was a genius, it was a great wayâ while not the one that would be of any need to him right now.
he decided to go all out and search for youâ from his perspective, there wasn't any other way. Gorou had previously decoded that you must've been at your home by now, his work wasn't far off anyways so he could show up any timeâ yet unannounced but this was an emergency, he noted.
for gorou there wasn't anything more important than his relationship with you, it was a part he'd protect vigorously, yet if you were to dump him tonight, that's a different story because then he wouldn't know what to do nor how to retaliate.
considering that, he had been vastly comfortable with you to the point that he simply cannot envision a life without you by this side.
so, yes, maybe that's why he was so tense and anxious moving forward to your home. Little does he realize it wasn't quite how he had imagined it because truth was, gorou didn't do anything wrong.
you see, for a while now, you had been greatly pondering with the thought on your living situation, after all, you had been a couple for a long time and moving in together was the next designated step to be taken.
resultantly you had talked about this with gorou, yet only once and the timing wasn't the best either. If it was for him, he had long since forgotten it, in any other occasion he was a great listener and infallibly did his best to memorize whatever important topic you had to say to him.
but as an automatic result of the miscommunication taking place, gorou had visualized how he thought the conversation would end up, it being with you dumping him for good.
on the other side of the coin there was you, so very happy you could barely wait to tell him that you want to finally approach the next step and move in together.
the moment you let him into your home, you, as always, you greeted him with a kind hug which caught him completely off guard, obviously he wasn't expecting it. You knew your boyfriend very much, so when you saw him in the composition he was currently in, you almost gasped out loud by the terror.
his eyes were sunken and he seemed a bit pale, his ears too, were pointing downwards and that frown on himâ together with his ragged breathing made you realize that something wasn't on their designated place. "hey." you approach him gently, "did something happen at work?"
his muscles stiffed and he thought about the words he had planned out to say, repeatedly they had thudded into his skull but nothing arose off his throat. You watched him closely and his gaze softened when you decided to hug him once more, this time with your lips ghosting over his ears, "it's okay, you're home now gorou."
"home?" granted, he couldn't place any fault on you for his own too quick thinking or his habits of jumping to conclusion when it came to this relationship, gorou wasn't the most experienced in that peculiar department after all. "ourâ our home?!"
"yes!" you're quick to show your happiness to him, your eyes glowing with brilliant shades of delight.
"that's what i wanted to talk about, i was busy preparing everything so Ii couldn't visit you in person." you fleetly pecked his cheek, "i hope it was okay to send a letter instead."
gorou was stunnedâ bewildered, he thought his ears fell off. "wait." he's taking both of your hands in his to make you stare at him, "this it what you wanted to talk about all along?" your brow ploddingly arose at his way of speech, because you were still very much clueless about it all.
"what did you think i was going to say?" at this rate, your conversation would never end anytime soon. gorou fidgetily scratched his neck before he chirped his words out in a blabbering draw no one but you was able to discern.
"oh nothing special, ijustthoughtyourebreakingupwithme." you were rendered speechlessâ lost of words and you placed a mental sticker in the deepest ends of your brain to get better at spelling things out more clear.
your eyes formed of sadness and you felt bad, trying to soothe your boyfriend in your own ways, "why would i?" you humorously squeezed his cheeks in a strive to delete his troubled expression, smiling in a loving kind, "i'd never do that, ever."
â alhaitham
beyond the shadow of a doubt, becoming the acting grand sage was an astonishingly tedious task for alhaitham to takeâ and he did not look forward to it.
unquestionably it was apparent that he wouldn't potentially have as much time for you as he previously had when he was the akademiya's renowned scribe. In spite of his new occupation, you undeniably had supported him throughout the first stages as much as you could.
but, lets say, you had felt a bit neglected latelyâ or to state said emotion in a contrasting light, you were in need of some much required attention from your boyfriend, plain and simple. Of courseâ and this usually goes without saying but it's not like alhaitham did it on purpose because, by all means, he didn't.
there wasn't anything he'd like to do as much as leisurely resting on his cozy bed with you by his side, cushily enclosed in your arms while you play with his hair and talking about all kinds of topics at hand.
with it becoming worse, it followed that he rarely had time to come over for dinner anymore, sure, you had your own duties to be taken care of but you missed him so so dearly and weren't sure how else to get him to move his unwavering attention from his work to your sweet frame again.
though your approach seemed a bit evil, you realized. but wasn't your creative thinking one of the reasons alhaitham had fallen in love with you in the first place?
to accurately get your plan in motion, you had sent an overly prettily framed letter to his new officeâ you added your favorite symbols to the paper and used your best-loved colors to have it cross your boyfriends keen eyes the second it would land on his desk.
under those circumstances you had impatiently began to wait at your place for him to get to you. And he did see your letter glowing in midst all the important papers on his desk, bedazzled by your most dearest decorations.
alhaitham slanted his head a bit to the left when he caught a glimpse of it eventuallyâ he was a bit puzzled at first because whenever you did require his cooperation you'd just show up in person. But then again, in recent times he had his hands full of work and you arguably wouldn't even meet him to begin with.
his fingers gingerly opened the fine letter to scrutinize the words at hand, "we need to talk, it's about us."
he was taken aback, very, and caught off balance. He didn't view you as someone who'd send cryptic messages like that one in particular. Alhaitham distressfully rubbed his eyes and placed the letter on his desk above all the other workloads he had gotten delivered today.
upon that, he leaned into the broad armchair and careened his head back, closing his eyes. In that peculiar state he might potentially arrange and categorize his thoughts more coherent. The last thing he would've wanted now was to have your relationship suffer because of his current job.
first, it's dreary, second, it would throw him off completely.
while alhaitham had a dozen more work to finish before he could routinely head home, he decided to go to your place instead to talk it out. In his opinion, pushing back a much needed conversation would only elude his rational thinking skills by a huge mountain of precious time. it would've been obtuse for him to not handle this.
deep wrinkles were forming around his brows when he knocked on your door, his eyes fixated with worry but also irritation. On the flip side alhaitham was also concerned that something might've happened to you without him being aware of it.
another knock and you had lastly opened the door to your home, with a pseudo sad frown on your lips, maybe that was your ticket to great evilness because you did feel a bit wicked for tricking your poor, overworked boyfriend like that.
he doesn't say much, a dreadful silence of a couple minutes had surrounded the atmosphere and the inches in between your frames. A direct steady approach hadn't been found before he decided to speak at last, though heedful. "i saw your letter." he remarked through a clenched jaw.
"you did?" you slowly turned around and simulated to shuffle something out of a drawer in your kitchenâ pretending to make a cup of tea for you both. "yes, i did." alhaitham might be many things, but he wasn't stupid, he knew something wasn't adding up, at all.
at first note, there was your body responses, despite your d class acting skills you were still showing emotions that weren't classified as sad nor angered. Second, it felt as if you didn't even know what to say, more thoroughly did you appear to just like him being here because why else were you settling a cup of tea and would you look at this, a few pastries he was sure were freshly bought.
"do you want me to applaud to you?" his voice was dry but despite that it harvested a glint of humor, "for this performance, i mean."
you bit down on the mushy insides of your cheeks before turning around, "i don't know what you're talking about." there you stood with an empty cup in your hand when he resoluted to walk towards you, haltering himself when he reached your body. "you wanted to talk." his hand finds your cheek and banteringly nudges it, "then talk."
you avert your gaze to recollect your thinking, because truthfully you did not expect him to catch onto it that fastâ plus, you could also say you didn't think too far ahead into the future as on what to do once he's actually there.
"okay, okay." you dramatically throw your hands in the air, "i pretended to be mad so you'd show up." silence, "because i missed you." before you could hide the embarrassment with your hands alhaitham had swiftly bolstered one of his arms around your waist to pull you into his chest, "I know."
"can you blame me though?" you tried to explain yourself through your shy smiles which he had found so so very adorable, "you're never home." you lay your cheek against his warm chest to reply with a cuddle back and alhaitham sighed out when he beheld your distressfulnessâ how much he longed for his calm days to return.
"i know." he idly pawed his hand over your spine, "i can't wait to be the scribe again." you quietly shake with laugher at his words, the sides of your lips creasing up, "though i have to admit." you suddenly state while blinking up into his multi colored eyes, "saying my boyfriend is the grand sage doesn't sound that bad."
he's amusingly shook his head and found himself deeply connected in your armsâ though being wary of the entire settling of today, alhaitham's sadness resigned back into him, he realizing that the last time he had held you just like this had have been a long time ago.
for this, he couldn't wait to get back to his usual, comfortable life with you again because no matter which position he'd take in the akademiya, he'd never want to place you second under it because it was you who truly gave new meaning to his life.
â scaramouche
working in the shadows had been something scaramouche was practicing his entire life, heâs as fast-moving as the wind, a split second and he was gone, poof, unforeseen and brief.
substantially, you werenât quite sure what made you reach the conclusion to perpetually poke your finger into his hardiness, over and overâ to sweetly aggravate him because itâs fun. especially when he had gotten back to you after a long, monotonous day full of his duties to fulfill.
on the assumption that nothing was wrong, kuni, as in any other circumstance, had saddled back into the couch with you next to himâ actively observing how youâre casually paging through a couple letters in your hand.
"hey." in the pitch of his voice alone you were capable to discern the fatigue in his bodyâ he mustâve been especially hard working tonight.
"put the book away." undoubtedly, it was that time of the day again, scaramouche required your unwavering attention because if you aren't handing it over to him right this second, he'd become actually ballistic and sullen, waiting until you notice.
"hm." you do not say much, pretending to have something critical crossing your current state of mind, "what do you mean hm?" he's peeved by your behaviorâ despite that it piqued his interest.
you evidently weren't drained or disgruntled by his presence, at least he thought you weren't, "is this more important than i am?" scaramouche loftily pointed towards the book in your hand which you then, meteorically closed.
"there is somethingâ" you do not dare to look into his permeating eyes, being panicky stricken you might blow your cover in front of him. Kuni had a way of heeding every so little change in both the articulation in your voice and face.
"there is something we need to talk aboutâ about us."
scaramouche didn't buy it, not even once, you were too perceptible and easy to detect.
what was there to talk about when nothing happened, in the morning you seemed fine, you even gave him a goodbye kiss when he left for work. "really now?" he's sharpening his eyes on you, his chin held up high to throw you off the high in your conversation and most pivotally, to make you all jittery so youâd eventually slip up.
"yes." you outstandingly flumped back into the velvety cushions of your couch, "we're just so different." - "no we're not." he was right there to cut you off, giving you no room to breathe while also slouching closer to your frame so youâd look at him.
without beating around the bush, scaramouche decided to play this game with you, though in his eyes, he was way better at this than you could ever be, "but we are." now coming across at him through distinct eyes, you sealed your lips together so you wouldnât suddenly burst out laughing.
in a wink of an eye he had edged himself so near to youâ with only being a mere couple inches away from banging your heads together, "are you playing games again?" he really wanted to know it now, fundamentally, scaramouche was captivated by thisâ he never loses and this side of yours would never bore him, not even once.
"maybe." you blurt out bluntly, affectionately wiggling the tip of your nose against his own, "you're a menace." he rolls his eyes and pulls away. with how swift you were to follow him, you put your legs over his lap so youâd be dotingly enclosed into one another. "don't do that again."
sweet scaramoucheâ what he didn't show you was that he in actuality shared a concern in result of your behavior. All things considered he was aware you were kidding to rally him up. He thinks your skills were amateurish at best, whimsical, he hoped you were practicing your acting to once really catch him off guard.
"it's so fun though." you brusquely admitted to him with a candid smile while venturing to case your arms around his neck.
if only he wasnât so utterly compelled by you heâd actually be mad for once, yet he only puffs out a warm heave, "i'll get you back for this."
Š2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#alhaitham x reader#childe x reader#scaramouche x reader#gorou x reader#al haitham x reader#genshin x you#genshin impact x you#genshin headcanons#genshin fanfic#scaramouche x you#childe x you#gorou x you#alhaitham x you#genshin impact fluff#genshin fluff#genshin images#genshin impact wanderer#genshin impact fanfiction
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dearest, darling, my universe â gojo satoru.
"He⌠he always knew what to say, didnât he?" Megumi murmurs, a small, sad smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah." you reply, your voice thick with tears. "He always did." The weight of Satoru's absence presses heavily upon you, but the words on the paper offer a strange comfort, like a hand reaching out through the dark. You hold the letter tightly, almost as if you could draw him back with the force of your grip.
GENRE: post shinjiku showdown (spoilers for jjk chapter 268)
WARNING/S: domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, depiction of blood, depiction of killing, depiction of suffering, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;
WORDS: 11k words.
NOTE: my brothers caught a cold so i caught it too because that's just how it sometimes goes when you're always together. i've been writing a bunch of stuff in the mean time, cause i'm strong enough at least. but i hope you enjoy this. it took me a while to write this, but it's finally done. also, listen to iu's song love wins all while reading this. love you all!!!
masterlist
u s and t h e m
if you want to, tip! <3
ITâS BEEN A WHILE, BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. The world feels quiet now, almost unnaturally so, as if it is holding its breath, waiting to see what comes next. The grounds are empty, unlike how they used to be. The sky is heavy and dulled gray and the wind carries a strange stillness that presses against your skin.Â
Everything seems suspended, caught in a moment that refuses to pass, a calm that feels more like a warning than a relief. Itâs the kind of quiet that settles in after a storm â not the peace that follows resolution, but the heavy, fragile silence that comes when everything has been ripped apart, and nothing has been put back together.
Your gaze searches for someone as you look towards the horizon. It takes you a while, but you smile when you find that figure again. You sighed, heâs been there awhile. But you don't blame him. You think that Fushiguro Megumi feels like heâd find peace, if he sits there to wonder what had been before. You find him sitting on the bench your husband had loved to sit on years ago, his back turned to you. He is still, his head lowered, shoulders slumped, and you can see the way his body trembles with each ragged breath.
Heâs still recovering, as most are after the battle with Sukuna. But for Megumi, the wounds are deeper, more insidious. After being imprisoned by Sukuna, after having his body and mind twisted and torn apart from the inside out, heâs struggling to find his footing again. His physical scars may heal with time, but the ones etched into his soul are a different story.
You approach slowly, hesitant to break the fragile stillness that surrounds him. He doesnât turn to look at you, but you know heâs aware of your presence. You can see it in the way his shoulders tense, the slight shift of his head as if heâs listening, waiting. You move closer until youâre standing beside him, close enough to see the bandaged bruises that still darken his skin, the way his hands are clenched tightly in his lap, knuckles white with the effort of holding himself together.
âMegumi.â you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper, careful not to startle him.
He doesnât respond at first, his gaze fixed on some point in the distance, his blue green eyes shadowed and hollow. You canât tell if heâs looking at the ruins or something beyond them, something only he can see. You wait, giving him the time he needs, the space to decide whether he wants to speak or remain silent.
Finally, he lets out a breath, slow and heavy, his shoulders sagging further. âI couldnât sleep.â he murmurs, so quietly you almost miss it. âI could still feel it. Like heâs still here⌠in my head⌠in my body. And then my dreamsâŚ. My hands and Gojoâsenseiâs eyesâŚ.â
The words hang in the air, raw and unsteady, as if they barely have the strength to escape his lips. You hear the tremor in his voice, the way it quivers with each syllable. Itâs a sound you havenât heard from him before, a vulnerability that he rarely shows, and it cuts through you like a knife. Your heart aches at the sound of his voice, so broken and raw, a far cry from the stoic, determined young man youâve known for so long.
You can see it in the way his eyes stare ahead, unfocused, as if heâs searching for something he canât quite grasp. The way his hands tremble slightly, even though theyâre clenched tightly on his knees. He sounds lost, like heâs still fighting a battle that has no end, still trying to claw his way out of a darkness that clings to him like a second skin. His whole body seems to sag under the weight of it, the invisible chains that bind him to a past he canât escape.
âI see.â you whisper, your voice gentle, but firm. You reach out, hesitantly, resting your hand on his arm, feeling the tension that coils beneath his skin, the way his muscles are taut and ready to snap. âIâm sorry for that, Megumi.â
He flinches at your touch, just a little, his gaze flicking to yours for a brief second before darting away again. You can see the conflict in his eyes, the way heâs torn between wanting to believe you and the insidious doubt thatâs been planted deep inside him. Thereâs a flicker of shame, of fear, as if heâs afraid of admitting just how much heâs struggling, how much of himself he feels heâs lost.
âItâs going to take some time for all of this to go and change.â he finally admits, his voice low, almost inaudible. âIt feels like⌠like heâs still there, lurking in the corners of my mind, waiting for a chance to come back. And then Gojoâsenseiâs voice echoes sometimes, whispering⌠and Sukuna justâŚ.Itâs like heâs a part of me now, and I donât know how to make him leave.â
His words are laced with a quiet desperation, a plea for some kind of reassurance that youâre not sure you can give. How do you tell someone that the ghost in their mind will eventually fade when you know that kind of pain never truly leaves? How do you promise a tomorrow free of shadows when the past clings so fiercely to the present?
You tighten your grip on his arm, just a little, enough to ground him, to let him know youâre here. âHe wonât win. Satoru knew that too.â you say, your voice is firmer now, more certain. âNot while youâre still fighting. And I know you, Megumi. Youâve fought through worse. Youâre stronger than you think, even when you feel like youâre falling apart.â
His eyes meet yours again, and you can see the doubt there, the fear. But beneath it, thereâs a spark of something else, something fragile and faint, but alive â hope, maybe. A glimmer of belief that he can pull through this, that he can find himself again. His lips part, but he seems to hesitate, as if afraid of saying something he canât take back.
âIâm tired.â he confesses, and it feels like the weight of the world is in those two words. âIâm so tired of fighting. I donât know how much more I can take.â
You swallow hard, feeling the sting of tears in your eyes, but you blink them back. âI know." you whisper, your voice thick with emotion. âI know you are. And itâs okay to feel that way. Itâs okay to be tired, to need a break. But you donât have to do this alone. Iâm here, Megumi. Iâm not going anywhere, okay?â
He exhales, a shaky breath that trembles with all the emotions heâs been holding in, and for a moment, he looks like he might break, like the walls heâs built around himself might finally come crashing down. His shoulders slump further, and he leans forward, just a fraction, as if testing the waters, as if trying to decide if itâs safe to fall.
âI��.â he starts, his voice breaking, âI keep thinking about him⌠and about everyone we lost. And I wonder if itâs even worth it, to keep going⌠if Iâm even worth it. IâŚI helped cause all this pain.â
His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you feel your breath hitch in your throat. You tighten your grip on his arm, leaning closer, your heart breaking for him, for everything heâs endured, for everything heâs still enduring.
âMegumi.â you say, your voice thick with emotion. âYou are worth it. Youâre worth every fight, every tear, every moment of pain. Youâre worth it because youâre here, and youâre trying, and you havenât given up. And that⌠thatâs everything.â
He looks at you, his eyes searching, as if trying to find the truth in your words, as if he wants to believe you but doesnât know how. His lips tremble, and for a moment, he seems like he might speak, might say something that could change everything.
But then he just closes his eyes, a tear slipping down his cheek, and he lets out a breath, long and shuddering. âI donât know.â he whispers, but he doesnât pull away from your touch. He stays there, his body tense but close, and you know that for now, thatâs enough.
You feel the slight tremor in his shoulders, the way he fights to keep himself together, and you wonder how many times heâs had to do this â how many times heâs been forced to stand tall when everything inside him was falling apart. You can see the exhaustion etched in the lines of his face, the dark circles beneath his eyes. Heâs so young, but he looks older now, like the weight of the world has been pressing down on him for too long.
You donât say anything, just keep your hand on his arm, feeling the faint, steady beat of his pulse beneath your fingertips. You know that words wonât fix this, wonât make the shadows in his eyes disappear. But you want him to know heâs not alone, that he doesnât have to carry this burden by himself.
Slowly, almost hesitantly, he leans into you, just a little, his head bowing as if the strength heâs been holding onto is slipping away. You donât move, donât flinch, just let him take whatever he needs from you, let him find some solace in the contact, in the warmth of another human being who understands, who has lost as much as he has.
âIâm scared.â he admits, his voice so soft you almost miss it, his breath warm against your skin. âIâm scared that Iâll never be⌠me again. That Iâll never be whole. That Iâll always feel⌠like this.â
Your heart aches at the confession, at the way his voice breaks, the way his words tremble with an uncertainty that shakes you to your core. You feel a tear slip down your own cheek, and you quickly brush it away, not wanting him to see, not wanting to add to his pain.
âItâs okay to be scared.â you whisper back, your voice rough with emotion. âIâm scared too, Megumi. Every day. But you donât have to do this alone. You have people who care about you, who love you. And weâll get through this⌠somehow. Together.â
He nods, just barely, and you can feel the tiniest bit of tension ease from his frame, as if your words have given him something to hold onto, even if just for a moment. His tired eyes remain closed, and he takes another deep breath, his lips pressing into a thin line, his brows furrowing like heâs trying to muster some strength from within.
âI miss him.â he confesses, almost like heâs ashamed to say it out loud. âI miss Gojoâsensei. Tsumiki, IâŚI still canâtâŚâ
Silence engulfs you, heavy and unrelenting, settling like a thick fog between you and Megumi. He opens his eyes. You couldnât help but see the light of devastation in his eyes, a light that flickers and fades like a dying star. Itâs a look youâve seen before, a look youâve felt etched into your own reflection every time youâve caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. The eyes that have stared back at you have been hollowed out, drained of their usual spark, carrying the same weight that now rests in Megumiâs.
You see it in the way he looks down, his gaze fixed on some invisible point on the ground, as if heâs afraid that meeting your eyes might shatter whatever fragile composure heâs managed to hold onto. The devastation is so clear in his expression, so raw and exposed, like an open wound that hasnât begun to heal.
But you share the same look, you think. Because youâve both lost the dearest people in your lives. The ones who held you together, who gave you strength when you needed it most. You knew that too well â the pain, the grief that seems to expand with every breath you take, filling the space around you, making it harder and harder to breathe. Tsumiki, taken from him so suddenly, so cruelly. And now Satoru, your husband, the man who was everything â your light, your laughter, your reason to keep fighting even when the world felt like it was falling apart.
How much more can you both bear?
It feels like thereâs a weight pressing down on your chest, an invisible force squeezing the air out of your lungs. Your heart aches with a pain thatâs deep and unyielding, a pain that youâve grown accustomed to, but that never seems too dull. Itâs the kind of pain that lingers, that finds its way into every corner of your being, that refuses to be ignored no matter how hard you try.
You think of Satoru â his smile, his ridiculous jokes, the way he could light up a room just by being in it. You think of Tsumiki â her quiet strength, her gentle kindness, the way she could make Megumi laugh even when he didnât want to. You think of how much they meant to you, to both of you, and you wonder how youâre supposed to go on without them. How do you keep moving forward when the ground beneath you has been ripped away? How do you find the strength to keep fighting when the people who gave you that strength are gone?
You feel a tear slip down your cheek, hot and heavy, and you quickly brush it away. You donât want Megumi to see, donât want him to think that youâre breaking, that youâre crumbling under the weight of your own grief. But maybe he already knows. Maybe he can see it in the way your hands tremble, in the way your shoulders sag just a little, in the way your breath catches in your throat like youâre fighting to keep from sobbing.
Megumi finally looks up, and when his eyes meet yours, you see the reflection of your own sorrow staring back at you. His eyes are tired, so very tired, like he hasnât slept in days, weeks even. Thereâs a hollowness in them, a void where there used to be determination and fire. He looks older than he is, worn down by the battles he fought, by the losses heâs endured. And you wonder how much more he can take, how much more you can ask of him when heâs already given so much.
âIâm⌠Iâm not sure how to do this.â he admits, his voice barely more than a whisper, his words trembling on the edge of breaking. âI donât know how to⌠keep going.â
Your heart tightens, and you feel a fresh wave of grief wash over you, cold and sharp like a blade. You want to tell him that it will get easier, that the pain will fade, but you know itâs not true. You know that some losses never heal, that some wounds never close. All you can do is reach out and take his hand in yours, squeezing it gently, letting him know that youâre here, that youâre not going anywhere.
âI donât know how either.â you whisper back, your voice thick with emotion. âBut we have to try⌠for them. For ourselves.â
He nods, but itâs a slow, uncertain nod, like heâs still not sure if he believes you, if he believes in anything anymore. His grip tightens around your hand, almost desperate, like heâs holding on for dear life. And maybe he is. Maybe you both are, trying to keep each other afloat in a sea of loss and uncertainty, trying to find something solid to cling to when everything else has been swept away.
For a long moment, you stand there in silence, feeling the weight of everything youâve lost, everything youâre still losing. And you realize that thereâs no easy answer, no simple path forward. Thereâs only this â the two of you, standing together in the midst of all the broken pieces, trying to make sense of a world that no longer feels whole. And maybe thatâs enough. For now, maybe thatâs enough.
"I⌠I keep thinking heâll walk through that door too, you know?" you finally manage to say, your voice catching on the last word. "With that grin of his, like it's all been a bad dream."
Megumiâs gaze drops to the ground. âMe too.â he whispers. "I keep hearing his voice, like he's about to make another joke⌠or ruffle my hair." His hands curl into fists, and he swallows hard. "I donât know if I want to laugh or scream."
You reach out, hesitating for a moment before placing a hand on his arm. "It feels wrong, doesn't it? For him to be gone."
He nods, his shoulders slumping further. "I hated how he made everything a joke, how he never took things seriously⌠but Iâd give anything to hear him laugh again." His voice cracks, and you see the tears he's been holding back start to gather in his eyes.
Your own tears brim over, and you donât bother wiping them away. "I donât know what to do." you admit. "I feel lost without him. I thought weâd have more time⌠that we couldâŚ"
"To live together?" Megumi finishes for you, and you nod, grateful that he understands.
For a moment, you both stand there in your shared grief, the silence punctuated by the distant sounds of the wind moving through the ruins. Finally, Megumi reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper, worn and slightly crumpled, as if itâs been handled many times. You look at him and then to the paper. You could feel the air knocked from your lungs.Â
"He⌠he left this for you." he says, handing it over. âIeiriâsan gave this to me. He told Ieiriâsan to give it to you.....if something happened, youâd be the one to need it most.â
You take the letter with trembling hands, the weight of it almost too much to bear. For a moment, you canât bring yourself to open it, terrified of what it might say, of the finality it represents. But then you unfold it, the familiar scrawl of his handwriting dancing across the page, and his little drawing of himself on the side. You donât know whether you were going to laugh or cry. Because, almost immediately, you can almost hear his voice speaking the words.
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The tears spill over again, as they have these past few weeks and you clutch the letter to your chest, your heart aching with a mix of love and pain. You look over at Megumi, whoâs watching you with a mix of understanding and his own quiet grief. He didnât say a word for a while. He just let you cry, to let out the grief that you had been holding in for so long.Â
"He⌠he always knew what to say, didnât he?" Megumi murmurs, a small, sad smile tugging at his lips.
"Yeah." you reply, your voice thick with tears. "He always did."
The weight of Satoru's absence presses heavily upon you, but the words on the paper offer a strange comfort, like a hand reaching out through the dark. You hold the letter tightly, almost as if you could draw him back with the force of your grip.
Megumi shifts beside you, his gaze distant. You sense heâs been wrestling with his own demons, carrying a grief he doesnât quite know how to articulate. You remember the nights Satoru would tease him, ruffle his hair, and declare with exaggerated fondness that he was the son he never had. And you remember how Megumi would roll his eyes, always with that begrudging smile, the one that said he was secretly happy to have someone who cared so much.
"I donât know what to do." you confess, your voice barely a whisper. "I donât even know where to begin."
Megumi looks at you, his eyes softening in understanding. "Neither do I." he admits. "But⌠I think Gojoâsensei would want us to keep going. Heâd hate seeing us like this, stuck in the past."
You nod, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. "He was always moving forward, wasnât he? Never stopping, not even for a second."
Megumiâs lips twitch into a faint smile. "Yeah, always dragging everyone else along for the ride." He hesitates, and then adds, "But⌠it wasnât just him. You kept him grounded. You gave him a reason to slow down, even if just a little."
Your breath catches in your throat. You never thought of it that way â always felt like you were the one chasing after him, trying to keep up with his boundless energy and insatiable curiosity. But maybe, in your own way, you had been his anchor.
Megumi takes a step closer, his hand hovering near your shoulder, as if unsure whether to reach out. "He always talked about you, a lot. Even when you weren't around." he says softly. "Not in the way you'd expect. Heâd get this look in his eyes, like⌠like he couldnât believe he was lucky enough to have you."
You nod, finding some solace in his words. The two of you stand there for a moment longer, letting the silence settle around you, a cocoon of shared understanding. Then, with a deep breath, you fold Satoruâs letter carefully, as if it were the most fragile thing in the world, and tuck it into your pocket.
âI know.â you say gently, a faint smile on your lips. âI was the luckiest person alive too. To have loved him. To have been with him. ToâŚTo have a life with him.â
He turns his head slightly, just enough to glance at you out of the corner of his eye. Thereâs a flicker of something there â a mix of pain and doubt, hope and fear. He looks exhausted, like every breath, every moment, is a battle in itself. His hands unclench slowly, his fingers twitching like he doesnât quite know what to do with them.
He closes his eyes for a moment, a pained expression crossing his face. âI donât know if I can ever be what I was.â he says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. âI donât even know who I am anymore.â
"That's okay." You whisper back. "You don't need to be whole to be yourself, Megumi. It's...enough. Being like this, for now."
He looks at you then, really looks at you, and you see the tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill over. Heâs still so young, you think, still so young to have been through so much, to carry so many burdens on his shoulders. You didnât want this from him. You donât want him to live with this for the rest of his life.Â
âDo you think itâll ever stop hurting?â he asks, his voice so soft itâs almost a plea.
You pause, considering your words carefully. âI donât know.â you admit honestly. âI think⌠I think it might always hurt a little. But I also think that one day, the pain wonât be the first thing you feel. One day, youâll wake up, and itâll be a little easier to breathe. And then another day, and another⌠and eventually, youâll find a way to live with it. To carry it without letting it crush you.â
He nods slowly, as if trying to absorb your words, to find some semblance of comfort in them. âI hope so.â he says quietly. âI really hope so.â
As you purse your lips into a tight line, Fushiguro Megumi turns his head slightly, just enough for you to catch a glimpse of the strain in his eyes. Theyâre the same eyes youâve known for years, dark and brooding, yet now they seem dimmed by a weight too heavy for any young man to bear. His expression is weary, etched with the lines of battles fought not just against enemies but against the relentless tide of grief and responsibility that threatens to swallow him whole.Â
You pause, taking in the sight of him. Megumi, who has always seemed so strong, so unyielding, now stands with his shoulders hunched, his frame pulled inward like a fragile fortress protecting a fragile heart. His hands, usually so sure and steady, are clenched tightly at his sides, fingers twitching with a nervous energy.Â
The boy who faced curses without flinching now looks lost, as if heâs unsure of where to place his feet or how to hold himself together. You notice how his posture has shrunk into itself, his form smaller, more fragile than you remember. For a fleeting moment, he is not the stoic young man who bears the weight of the Zenâin name, but the boy you raised, the one who used to look up at you with a defiance softened by hope.Â
Memories rush in, unbidden and raw. You remember the first time you took his hand, how tiny it seemed in yours, and the way he stiffened, wary of your touch. It took time for him to trust you, to accept the safety you offered in a world that had been anything but kind. He was so guarded, so determined to prove that he didnât need anyone, but you had seen through the cracks in his armor, glimpsed the boy beneath who craved comfort and understanding.
Now, as you stand before him, you see that boy again. The boy who hid his hurt behind curt words and narrowed eyes, who watched the world with suspicion, waiting for it to turn on him. You see the boy who wanted to be strong, not just for himself but for those he cared about, who believed that if he could shoulder enough pain, he might somehow spare others from it. That same boy stands before you now, but the weight he carries has only grown heavier, pressing down on his shoulders until they sag with exhaustion.
You move closer, slowly, careful not to startle him. Megumiâs gaze flickers to you, and for a moment, something in his eyes softens, just a fraction. He looks at you as if he wants to say something, but the words catch in his throat, stuck behind the fear of vulnerability. You can see the battle waging within him â the need to be strong, to keep it all together, and the desperate longing to let someone in, to share the burden thatâs breaking him apart.
âIâŚIâm sorry for putting you through what I did.â he whispers, so quietly you almost miss it. His voice is thick, strained with the weight of everything left unsaid.
It was hard seeing Megumi this way, you think. If anything, you still werenât prepared to seek him out. You felt ashamed that you couldnât do much for him. As much as you were also worried that heâd put himself at your feet, kneeling and in tears. Now your worst fear came to pass, that he would be apologizing to you for something that was not his fault. And so, you took that time â a long time, to just be alone and grieve. To let your husbandâs soul rest in peace.
So your heart aches at his confession, and you step closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, drawing him into an embrace. At first, he resists, his body stiff and unyielding, but you hold firm, refusing to let go. Slowly, he relents, and he collapses against you, his head resting against your shoulder. His hands clutch at the fabric of your clothes, and you feel the tremble in his fingers, the suppressed sobs caught in his chest.
âItâs okay, Megumi.â you murmur, stroking his back in soothing circles. âYou silly boy. Why are you apologizing for things that arenât your fault, hm?â
His shoulders shake, and you feel the tears that heâs fought so hard to hold back finally spill over. He buries his face in your shoulder, his body wracked with silent sobs, each one tearing at your heart. You hold him tighter, as if you could somehow shield him from the pain, as if you could gather all the shattered pieces of him and put them back together.
He cries quietly, like he doesnât want to be heard, like heâs afraid of what his grief might sound like if he lets it out. You just hold him, letting him take the time he needs, giving him the space to be the child you know he still is, beneath all that strength and stubbornness.Â
And for that moment, you are back in time, comforting a boy who tried so hard to be brave, to stand tall in a world that felt too big and too cruel. You feel the years slip away, and you whisper to him like you did then, telling him itâs okay, that heâs safe, that heâs loved.Â
Slowly, the tremors in his body begin to ease, and he pulls back slightly, just enough to look up at you. His eyes are red, and thereâs a vulnerability there that you havenât seen in years. âIâm sorry, Genâsan.â he mutters, his voice barely above a whisper. âIâŚ.It must be harder on you.â
You shake your head, cupping his cheek with one hand. âThereâs nothing to be sorry for.â you say firmly. âYouâve been so strong, Megumi. But you donât have to be strong all the time.â
He nods, his eyes closing for a moment as he takes a shaky breath. âI just⌠I miss him, Genâsan.â he admits, his voice breaking. âI miss them. TsumikiâŚ..IâŚI miss them both. And itâsâŚItâs my fault. If I hadâŚâ
âI know you do.â you whisper back. âI miss them too. And itâs okay to feel that way. But it was never your fault. You understand? This is not your cross to bear, hm?â
He looked at you, as though he was still unsure. But he nods again, and this time, when he opens his eyes, thereâs a spark of something new there, a flicker of resolve. âThank you.â he murmurs. âFor⌠for being here.â
You smile softly, brushing his hair back from his face. âAlways.â you promise. âIâll always be here for you, Megumi.â
And as he leans into your touch, you realize that maybe, just maybe, heâs beginning to understand that he doesnât have to face the world alone. That he has a family, even in the darkest of times, and that youâll always be there to catch him when he falls. When he finally calms down, you look at him with a tender gaze. You rub the small of his back and coo towards him. You tell him over and over again that itâs going to be okay.Â
THINGS HAVE CHANGED IN THESE MANY YEARS. But all the same, you were still just trying to get by without your husband. Just as you have done in the past fourteen years. Sometimes you canât believe that it has been that long. Fourteen long years without his voice, his laughter, his warmth beside you in the dark of the night. Fourteen years of waking up every morning and remembering all over again that heâs gone.
Some days, it feels like he was just here, like you can still hear his footsteps in the hallway, the sound of his voice calling your name, teasing you with that easy smile that could always make your heart skip a beat. Other days, it feels like a lifetime has passed, like his memory is slipping further away with each breath you take, each step you take forward.
And sometimes, all you have to do is look at the world around you and see how much it has changed, even without Satoru. The world didnât stop for his absence â it kept moving, kept spinning, kept evolving. The streets are filled with new faces, new buildings rise where old ones once stood. The skyline of the city looks different, the energy of the people has shifted, and even the quiet corners where you used to find solace now feel foreign and unfamiliar.
You think about the way he would have laughed at the way the world has moved on without him, how he would have been amused at the thought of being left behind by time itself. âCanât keep up with me, huh?â he wouldâve jokes, that mischievous grin spreading across his face, his bright eyes twinkling with that endless, boundless spirit of his.
But he isnât here to see it â he isnât here to laugh or joke or comment on the little changes that make up this new reality. And thatâs what hurts the most, you think. The small moments that go unnoticed, the daily routines that feel emptier without him, the tiny, insignificant details that made life with him so full.
You were certain that today was one of those days â a day where the past and present seemed to blur, where the weight of what came before felt particularly heavy. The morning sun filters through the kitchen window, casting a soft glow across the table. You watch as the young clan leader, Gojo Satoshi, sits across from you, his posture a mix of youthful excitement and a hint of nervousness that he tries to hide. His eighteenth birthday has finally arrived â a day youâve both been anticipating with a blend of joy and bittersweetness.Â
For years, youâve marked this date on the calendar, circled it with a smiley face as Satoru used to do. You remember the way heâd talk about this day like it was a grand milestone, his eyes lighting up with that familiar spark as he imagined all the things Satoshi would accomplish. And now, here it is â the day that seemed so far away, so impossible to reach, yet somehow arrived faster than you ever thought it would.
Your son had taken some time off from his responsibilities, from the pressures of the Gojo clan, just to be here with you. Heâd insisted on it, saying he didnât want to spend this day anywhere else. Thereâs a maturity in him that catches you off guard sometimes, a quiet strength that reminds you so much of Satoru, and yet heâs entirely his own person, shaped by all the experiences and lessons that life has thrown at him.Â
At times, you catch yourself taking a moment to look at him. He was the spitting image of his father. Every bit of him was Satoru. From the way his eyes gazed at you, to the way he laughs. Everything was him. You think if your husband would be here now, it would have been hard to tell them apart. But, he was all you have of Satoru. And you were still grateful for it, even if it makes you cry sometimes.
âMom.â he begins, and thereâs a softness in his voice, a vulnerability that he doesnât show often. âI⌠Iâm glad I could be here today. I know itâs⌠a lot. For both of us.â
You smile, a warm, gentle smile that you hope hides the ache in your chest. âIâm glad too, Satoshi. Iâve been waiting for this day. Your father would have wanted it to be special.â
He nods, a small smile tugging at his lips, but thereâs a flicker of something in his eyes â a shadow of the loss you both carry, the empty space that Satoru left behind. You know this day is as much about celebrating as it is about remembering, about honoring the promise that Satoru made to him, to all of you.
And thatâs why youâre here, sitting at the kitchen table, a letter in your hand â a letter youâve kept safe for years, one with Satoruâs handwriting on the envelope, his familiar scrawl that brings a sting of tears to your eyes. The letter he wrote for Satoshi to open on his eighteenth birthday, a letter he wrote knowing he might not be here to read it himself.
You hold it out to him, your fingers trembling slightly, and Satoshiâs eyes widen. He recognizes it immediately, having seen it once before when he was a child, when you tucked it away with a promise that it was for another day, a day when he was older, stronger.
âIs thisâŚ?â he asks, his voice trailing off, almost afraid to finish the question.
You nod, swallowing back the lump in your throat. âItâs from your father.â you say softly. âMegumi found it cleaning your father's office. It seems....your father wanted you to have something special when you're older."
For a moment, Satoshi just stares at the envelope, his fingers brushing over the edges, tracing the curve of his fatherâs handwriting. You can see the emotions flicker across his face â curiosity, sadness, a deep, yearning love. He looks up at you, and thereâs a silent question in his eyes, one that asks if youâre okay, if youâre ready for this.
You give him a small nod, even though your heart feels like it might break all over again. âGo on.â you encourage. âOpen it.â
With a deep breath, Satoshi carefully tears open the envelope, his hands steady despite the tremor you know he must feel. He pulls out the folded paper inside, and as he begins to read, you watch his face, the way his expression changes, softens, as he takes in the words that his father left for him.
Thereâs a chuckle, soft and low, that escapes his lips, and for a brief moment, itâs like Gojo Satoru is in the room with you both, his presence lingering in the air, his laughter echoing in the corners. Satoshiâs shoulders shake with silent laughter, and he shakes his head, murmuring, âOf course heâd say thatâŚâ under his breath.
You canât help but smile, a tear slipping down your cheek as you remember Satoruâs sense of humor, his way of making light of even the heaviest moments. You wonder what he wrote, what silly remark he must have made, what words he left behind to make his son laugh on this day.
But then, the laughter fades, replaced by a softer look, a look of longing. Satoshiâs eyes grow misty, and his smile wavers, his breath hitching in his throat. His hands clutch the letter a little tighter, his fingers pressing into the paper like heâs holding onto a lifeline.
âI miss him, a lot.â he whispers, his voice breaking, and in that moment, he looks like the little boy he used to be, the one who would climb into your lap and ask when his father was coming home. âI miss him so much.â
Your heart breaks all over again, and you reach across the table, pulling him into your arms. He doesnât resist, burying his face in your shoulder, and you feel his tears soak through your shirt, hot and heavy. You hold him close, your hand running through his hair, whispering soothing words even as your own tears fall.
âI know, Satoshi.â you whisper back, your voice thick with emotion. âI miss him too⌠every day.â
He clings to you, his body shaking with quiet sobs, and you let him cry, let him mourn, let him feel all the things he needs to feel. You know that this pain will never truly go away, that there will always be a part of both of you that aches for the man who isnât here, for the father and husband who left too soon.
But in this moment, you also feel a deep, abiding love â a love that stretches across time and space, that binds you together even in the face of loss. You know that Satoru is with you, in every laugh, in every tear, in every beat of your hearts. And as you hold your son, feeling the strength of his embrace, the warmth of his love, you know that Satoruâs spirit lives on, in him, in you, in all the days to come.
You feel Satoshiâs grip tighten around you, his shoulders still trembling with the force of his emotions. You hold him closer, pressing your cheek against the top of his head, breathing in the scent of him, so familiar and comforting. Heâs grown so much, become a young man with so much of his fatherâs spirit, and yet so much of his own unique strength.
âHe wouldâve been so proud of you, little dawn.â you whisper into his hair, feeling your voice catch in your throat. âEvery day, he wouldâve been so proud. I know he is⌠wherever he is.â
Satoshi pulls back just enough to look up at you, his eyes red-rimmed and wet with tears, but thereâs a light in them â a spark of resilience, of determination, of love. âI hope so, mom.â he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. âI hope Iâm making him proud⌠and you, too.â
You smile, cupping his face in your hands, brushing your thumbs over his damp cheeks. âYou are, Satoshi. Youâre everything he could have hoped for⌠everything I could have hoped for.â
He leans into your touch, closing his eyes, and you can see the way his expression softens, some of the tension easing from his features. âI just⌠I wish he were here,â he admits, his voice a broken whisper. âI wish he could see this⌠see me now.â
You nod, swallowing back your own tears, feeling the ache in your chest grow sharper, deeper. âMe too.â you confess. âEvery day, I wish for that. But heâs still with us, Satoshi. In you, in me, in all the love he left behind. And as long as we remember him, heâll never truly be gone.â
Satoshi nods slowly, taking in your words, letting them settle in the quiet space between you. You know itâs not enough to fill the emptiness, to ease the pain that sits heavy in both of your hearts, but itâs something â a small comfort, a small truth that you can hold on to.
âHappy birthday, Satoshi.â You greeted him with a small smile on your face. âYou and your papa. Happy birthday.â
âThank you, mom.â
And so, you sit together in the soft morning light, holding onto each other, holding onto the memory of the man you both loved so dearly, trying to find your way in a world that has changed so much without him. You know it wonât be easy â it never has been â but you also know that you have each other, that you have the love he left behind, and maybe, for now, thatâs enough to keep moving forward.
Just as you have for the past fourteen years.
Just as you will for the years to come.
YOU DECIDED TO VISIT THAT AFTERNOON. The pond is quiet, save for the gentle rustle of leaves in the wind, the soft murmurs of the water lapping against its edges. You stand at the edge, looking out at the calm surface, watching as the light dances across the ripples. The air is thick with the scent of earth and pine, and thereâs a serenity here that you havenât felt in a long time â a stillness that settles into your bones, grounding you in the moment.
This was land that Satoru bought a long time ago, back when the world was still full of possibility, when dreams felt tangible and within reach. You remember the day he brought you here for the first time, the way his eyes sparkled with excitement as he talked about the future, about all the things he wanted to build, all the memories he hoped to create.Â
Heâd stood right where youâre standing now, his hands on his hips, looking out at the same pond with a boyish grin on his face. âThis is it.â heâd said, his voice full of conviction. âThis is where Iâd be glad to build a family⌠a place to call home when everythingâs said and done.â
You could hear the hope in his words, the unspoken promise of a life filled with love and laughter. He had dreams of children playing by the waterâs edge, of long summer evenings spent under the stars, of a sanctuary away from the battles, away from the chaos.
And you had made that happen. For a while, you had built that family, that life, just as heâd wanted. You shared quiet mornings and loud, joyous evenings. You laughed, you loved, you lived. The memories still linger in every corner of this place, like echoes of a time that now feels so distant, so far away.
This is the place where you buried your husband â here, by the pond where he once stood dreaming of the future. It felt right, felt like honoring that dream of his, of giving him the home heâd always wanted, even in death. You wanted him to be where heâd always hoped to be, to rest in the place he had chosen for his family, his sanctuary. So you laid him to rest here, in the earth he once walked upon, beneath the trees that whisper his name in the wind.Â
But you chose this spot for a reason. So that heâll always be home, so that heâll never be far from the place he loved most. You wanted him to have peace, to feel the tranquility of the land he cherished so much. And maybe, in some way, you wanted him close, wanted to be able to visit, to sit by his side and feel his presence, even if itâs just in the whispers of the wind or the quiet ripple of the pond.
You sit back, closing your eyes, breathing in the fresh air, and you imagine his laughter, his voice, his hand in yours. You can almost hear him now, teasing you about being sentimental, about spending so much time talking to a patch of earth. But you know heâd understand. He always understood you, even when you didnât understand yourself.
You look out over the pond, the way the water reflects the sky, and you wonder what he would think of the world now, of all the things that have changed. You wonder if heâd still choose this place, if heâd still find it as beautiful as he once did. You like to think he would, that heâd still smile and say, âYeah, this is home.â
One day, you think. One day, maybe youâll be here too, resting beside him, sharing this place forever. Maybe one day, youâll find your way back to him, and youâll get to hear his voice again, feel his arms around you, and youâll be whole again. Until then, youâll keep coming back, keep whispering to the wind, keep holding onto the memories that this place holds.
And as the sun dips lower in the sky, casting long shadows over the water, you feel a sense of peace settle over you. Because here, in this quiet place, he is still with you. Here, by the pond he loved so much, he is still home.
Youâve walked this path more times than you can count, but today feels different. The air is heavy, thick with the weight of unspoken words and memories that cling to you like shadows. It has been fourteen years now, and in a few days, it will be official. But it was your husbandâs birthday today too, and you think that maybe thatâs why. Satoshi is eighteen and your husband isnât here to see it.Â
When you reach their graves, you pause, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. The air is cool, the wind gentle against your skin, but there is a weight in your chest that feels heavier than any burden youâve ever carried.Â
Two simple stones lie before you, side by side, as if they were always meant to be together â Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru. Their names etched in the granite are stark against the soft earth, the bold characters cutting through the silence of the space around you. The sight is almost too real, too final, as if the reality of their absence is etched into the stone itself.
It was what Satoru wanted, you remember. He had told you that a long time ago, in a quiet moment, his voice uncharacteristically soft, almost pleading. âPromise me, if anything ever happens⌠that Suguru will be laid to rest too. That heâll have peace.â
Youâd nodded then, not thinking much of it, not wanting to entertain the thought of losing him. But now, standing here, you understand why. You understand why it mattered to him, why it was so important that they be reunited in the end.
They were best friends once â closer than brothers, bound by a shared past, by dreams of changing the world together. Even when their paths diverged, even when they became enemies in the eyes of the world, there was always something unbreakable between them, something that tied them together beyond the choices they made, beyond the mistakes and the betrayals. They were always two halves of a whole, two sides of a coin that could never be separated.
And now, in death, they are together again. You think it fitting, think it poetic in a way that only Satoru could have imagined. They both found their peace here, in this quiet place, far from the chaos and conflict that shaped their lives. And maybe, just maybe, they have found each other again, wherever they are.
You kneel down, your knees pressing into the soft grass, feeling the dampness seep through your clothes, grounding you, connecting you to the earth, to this place where they both now rest. You reach out with trembling fingers, tracing the characters of their names etched into the cold granite. The letters feel rough under your fingertips, each line a reminder of what was lost, of the lives that were lived with so much intensity, so much passion, so much pain.
âSatoru.â you whisper, your voice catching in your throat. It feels strange to say his name out loud, to speak to him as if he could still hear you. But you hope he can. You hope heâs listening, somewhere out there. âIâm back, my dearest.â
âI miss you⌠so much. Every day. I donât know how to do this without you.â Your fingers move to Suguruâs name next, tracing the familiar curves and lines, remembering the way Satoru used to talk about him, the fondness in his voice even after everything that happened.
âAnd Suguru.â you add softly, âI hope you found peace too. I hope⌠wherever you are, youâve found each other again. That youâre not alone. Stay together, hm?â
The wind picks up, rustling the leaves around you, and for a moment, you almost think you hear their voices â Satoruâs light and teasing, Suguruâs deeper, quieter, both of them laughing together like they did in the old days, when things were simpler, when the world hadnât yet shown its darker side. Itâs a sound that cuts through the quiet, a memory that tugs at your heart, bringing a fresh wave of tears to your eyes.
You press your palms flat against the grass, feeling the cool earth beneath your hands, grounding yourself in the present, in the reality of this moment. You close your eyes, letting the tears fall freely now, feeling the ache in your chest grow sharper, deeper.Â
âIâm sorry.â you whisper, your voice breaking. âIâm sorry I couldnât save you⌠either of you. Iâm sorry it came to this.â
But then you take a breath, slow and steady, and you remember what Satoru always said â that life goes on, that the world keeps turning, even when it feels like itâs falling apart. And you know he wouldnât want you to stay here forever, trapped in the past, in the grief that feels like it might swallow you whole. He would want you to keep going, to keep living, to find joy again, even if it feels impossible right now.
You sit back on your heels, wiping at your eyes, feeling the cool breeze brush against your cheeks. âIâll keep going.â you promise, your voice is stronger now, more certain. âIâll keep living, for both of you. For all of us. But⌠one day, I hope I get to see you again. I hope we can be together again, somehow.â
The wind blows softly, carrying your words away, and you imagine them reaching Satoru, reaching Suguru, wherever they are. You imagine them smiling, together at last, watching over you, waiting for the day when youâll be reunited. And in that thought, you find a small measure of comfort, a small piece of hope to hold on to.
So you stay a little longer, just sitting there in the quiet, in the space between what was and what is, letting the memories wash over you, letting yourself feel everything â the love, the loss, the longing. Because here, in this place, they are still with you. Here, by their graves, you are not alone.
You swallow, trying to keep your composure, but itâs hard. The memories rush back all at once â the sound of Satoruâs laughter, always so full and carefree; Suguruâs quiet, thoughtful gaze as he watches you both, always the more grounded of the two. You close your eyes for a moment, letting those memories wash over you, trying to hold on to the feeling of them, even as it brings a fresh ache to your heart.
âI miss you.â you say, your voice breaking on the last word. âGods, I miss you both so much.â
Your hand drops to your lap, and you feel the sting of tears in your eyes, blurring your vision. You take a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself, but itâs no use. The tears spill over, hot against your skin, and you donât bother to wipe them away. Youâre tired of pretending to be strong, tired of holding back the grief thatâs been eating away at you ever since you lost them.
âI still canât believe youâre gone, Satoru.â you whisper, your voice trembling. âI keep thinking⌠I keep waiting for you to walk through the door with that ridiculous grin on your face, like this was all just some terrible joke. I keep thinking Iâll hear your voice, calling out to me, asking me if Iâve missed you. Fourteen years and I still think like this.â
Your shoulders shake with a quiet sob, and you press a hand to your mouth, trying to stifle the sound. You feel the ache in your chest, the hollow emptiness thatâs been there since the day he died. Every day without him feels like a wound that wonât heal, a pain that wonât lessen, no matter how much time passes.
âI miss you so much.â you repeat, your voice raw and broken. âI miss the way you used to make me laugh, even when I didnât want to. I miss the way youâd wrap your arms around me, like you could protect me from everything. I miss your voice, your smile⌠I miss everything.â
You take a deep breath, your fingers curling into the fabric of your clothes as if to ground yourself. âSometimes⌠sometimes I donât know how to keep going.â you admit quietly. âI donât know how to keep living in a world where youâre not here.â
Your gaze drifts to Suguruâs grave, and you feel another pang of sorrow. âI miss you too, Suguru.â you murmur. âI know you and Satoru are probably driving each other crazy up there⌠but I wish⌠I wish you were both here with me.â
You let out a shaky breath, your tears falling more freely now. âIâm trying to be strong, to be the person you both believed I could be.â you say, your voice trembling. âBut itâs so hard without you. Itâs so hard to keep going when all I want to do is just⌠just give up.â
You close your eyes, bowing your head, and let the tears fall, your shoulders shaking with silent sobs. The grief feels like itâs drowning you, pulling you under, and for a moment, you donât know if you have the strength to keep swimming.
But then, through the haze of your tears, you feel a small flicker of warmth â a memory, a feeling, a sense of Satoruâs presence. You can almost hear his voice, playful and light, telling you to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep living. And you know, deep down, that he wouldnât want you to give up. Heâd want you to keep smiling, to keep finding joy, even in a world without him.
You lift your head, wiping at your tears with the back of your hand. âI promise Iâll keep going.â you whisper. âIâll keep living, for both of you. But⌠one dayâŚâ
Your voice catches, and you swallow hard, forcing the words out past the lump in your throat. âOne day, I canât wait to see you again.â you say, your voice breaking on a sob. âI canât wait to be with you again, Satoru. I canât wait to hold you and tell you how much Iâve missed you.â
You reach out, placing a hand on his headstone, your fingers trembling. âUntil then⌠Iâll keep you in my heart.â you whisper. âIâll keep you both in my heart.â
The wind picks up once more, rustling the leaves, and for a moment, you feel a strange sense of peace, as if theyâre both there with you, watching over you, telling you that itâs okay to grieve, to cry, to miss them. And as you sit there, letting the tears flow, you realize that theyâre not really gone. Theyâre still with you, in every memory, every laugh, every tear.Â
âI love you so much.â you whisper, your voice carried away in the wind. âI always will, my love. Happy birthday.â
And for the first time in a long time, you feel a flicker of hope, a small, fragile thing, but there nonetheless. A hope that one day, youâll see them again, that one day, this ache will be replaced by the joy of being with them once more. Until then, youâll carry them with you, every step of the way, until your paths cross again.
epilogueÂ
In the ethereal expanse of the afterlife, Gojo Satoru was causing a celestial commotion that even the most seasoned spirits couldnât ignore. The gates of heaven, grand and imposing, were currently the scene of an unusual spectacle. Satoru was, quite literally, throwing himself against them, trying to push his way through the ornate barriers with a determination that bordered on absurd.
Suguru Geto, Nanami Kento, and Haibara Yuta were standing a few feet away, watching with a mix of amusement and exasperation. Suguru was leaning against a nearby pillar, his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. Nanami was rubbing his temples in frustration, and Haibara was trying very hard not to laugh.
"How long has he been at this?" Nanami asked.
"Since yesterday." Haibara snickered in response.
"I haven't had peace these past two days." Suguru sighed.
Satoru, his face pressed against the gates, was shouting, âGAH!? Let me out! I need to get back to Earth! They need me! I canât just sit here while theyâre struggling!â
Nanami, stepping forward with a calm yet firm tone, said, âSatoru, this is not a joke. Youâre dead. Youâre not supposed to go back. Weâve been over this.â
Satoru turned his head, giving them a pleading look. âBut theyâre my family! They need me! Canât you see? Iâve got to be there for them!â
Haibara, trying to defuse the tension, added with a smirk, âGojoâsenpai, you know you canât just break the rules. Besides, you have to admit, your dramatic exit would probably cause a cosmic mess.â
Suguru, barely containing his grin, stepped forward with a more practical suggestion. âLook, Satoru, thereâs a much better way to be there for them without causing a ruckus. You can appear in their dreams. Itâs a lot less disruptive and doesnât require you to break through any divine gates.â
Satoruâs eyes lit up with realization. âWait, really? I do that? Why didnât anyone tell me sooner?â
Suguru shrugged nonchalantly. âYou didnât want to listen to me at all. Plus, you were too busy trying to create a celestial catastrophe.â
Satoru paused, considering the idea. âI suppose appearing in their dreams is a bit more civilized. Butââ he added, frowning, ââcanât I just pop back in for a quick hug or something? A kiss, more preferably.â
Nanami shook his head, still trying to keep his composure. âNo, Gojo. Thatâs not how it works. Youâve got to accept that you can't do what you want now that you're dead.â
Satoru, with a resigned sigh and the roll of his eyes, finally stepped back from the gates. He still looks like a child when he pouts. âAlright, alright. Iâll do the dream thing. But I want to make sure they know Iâm there for them.â
Haibara chuckled. âGreat. Just try not to turn their dreams into a circus act. They need comfort, not more chaos, Gojoâsenpai!â
Satoru grinned, his spirits lifting as he envisioned his new plan. âGot it. Iâll keep it heartfelt and fun. And maybe Iâll sneak in a few tricks here and there. You know, just to keep things interesting.â
As Satoru prepared to set off on his new celestial mission, Suguru, Nanami, and Haibara exchanged looks of weary amusement. They knew that, despite his antics, Satoruâs heart was in the right place.
âGood luck,â Nanami said dryly. âAnd remember, no cosmic disasters.â
Satoru gave them a thumbs-up. âYou got it! And thanks for the advice, everyone. Iâll make sure they feel my love, even if itâs just in their dreams.â
With that, Satoru faded into a swirl of ethereal light, heading toward the dreamscape to reach out to you and Satoshi. Meanwhile, Suguru, Nanami, and Haibara watched him go, their expressions a mix of relief and amusement.
âDo you think heâll actually follow through?â Haibara asked, still grinning.
Suguru smirked. âIf anyone can turn a dream into a grand spectacle, itâs Satoru. But I have no doubt heâll manage to bring some comfort, too. Well, somewhat."
Nanami sighed, shaking his head. âWell, at least weâve managed to keep him out of trouble, for now. Letâs hope he sticks to the plan.â
And with that, the trio returned to their celestial duties, knowing that despite Satoruâs chaotic tendencies, his heart was always in the right place.
And just as promised, Gojo Satoru did indeed make his grand reappearance in your dreams and Satoshi's, weaving a spectral thread through the fabric of your nightly slumbers. The dreams, much like Satoru himself, were a mix of whimsical chaos and heartwarming moments.
In your dream, the scene was set in a familiar place â a cozy, moonlit garden that felt both nostalgic and surreal. There, amidst the soft glow of fairy lights and the gentle rustling of leaves, was Satoru, his usual nonchalant demeanor softened by a warm, affectionate grin. He was seated on a bench, his posture relaxed, but his eyes sparkled with the same mischievous gleam you remembered so well.
"Soooo." he began, stretching out the word as if he were about to launch into one of his signature lectures. "Miss me much? I bet you didn't expect me to show up like this."
You could only laugh, feeling a mixture of relief and joy. "Satoru... this is incredible. I wasnât sure if youâd actually come."
Satoruâs grin widened, and he leaned closer, as if sharing a secret. "You know me, always keeping my promises, even from beyond. Besides, I couldnât let you and Satoshi have all the fun without me."
He gestured to the garden around you, which seemed to glow with a gentle, ethereal light, transforming it into a place of comfort and tranquility. It was as if he had crafted this dreamscape himself, blending his penchant for the whimsical with the tenderness of his love.
As you sat together, talking and laughing, the conversation flowed effortlessly. He shared stories from the afterlife, which he portrayed with his characteristic humor and flair, recounting celestial mishaps and the amusing antics of his fellow spirits. It was just like old times, but with a surreal twist â his jokes seemed to float in the air like bubbles, and his laughter was a melody that danced through the night. And then when it was time, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close into an embrace and a kiss.
Satoshiâs dream was equally enchanting. He found himself in a fantastical setting, a blend of his own memories and Satoru's imaginative touch. The scene was a vibrant carnival, full of colors and laughter. Satoru was there, dressed in an elaborate magicianâs costume, complete with a top hat and a flowing cape. He was performing tricks, pulling stars out of a hat and making cosmic confetti rain down on the crowd.
Satoshi watched in awe as Satoru performed, a look of wonder on his face. When Satoru finally noticed him, he winked and gave him a grandiose bow. "Hey, kiddo! Did you miss me? Hope you're enjoying the show!"
Satoshiâs heart swelled with a bittersweet mixture of joy and longing. He approached Satoru, who enveloped him in a hug that felt strangely warm despite being a dream. Satoshi felt tears well up in his eyes, but he laughed, feeling a sense of comfort he hadnât experienced in years. âIâve missed you so much, Dad.â
Satoru ruffled his hair affectionately, his voice filled with genuine warmth. âI know, kiddo. Iâve missed you too. But youâve grown so much. Iâm proud of you. And I know your mom is too. You both are doing great.â
The dream continued with a playful sense of magic and wonder, filled with laughter and joy. Satoruâs presence, though fleeting, was a gift â a reminder that his love and spirit continued to be a part of your lives, even if only in the realm of dreams.
As the night drew to a close and the dreams began to fade, Satoru gave one last, heartfelt wave. âRemember, Iâm always with you. In every laugh, every moment, and every starry night. Iâll be cheering you on from here.â
When you and Satoshi woke up, you immediately texted each other about the dream. And back in heaven, Gojo Satoru was pleased.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#gojo#satoru#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#satoru gojo x you#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru x you#satoru x reader#satoru x y/n#gojou satoru x you#gojou satoru x y/n#jjk gojo x reader#jjk gojo x you#jjk manga spoilers#kayu writes ! ! !
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yandere! re2 leon kennedy x reader
â° warnings: stalking, sub leon, slightly nsfw but not smut, leon is a creepy masochist, kidnapping, no use of y/n or name, gender neutral reader, not proofread bc it's 2 am for me rn
â° summary: you were never very close to leon, but you harbored some feelings for him. but your entire view on him changes when you get invited to his place and you find out how he truly feels about you...
â° a/n: remember when i used to be a havik account? good times. also i still *only* take reqs for mk1 characters. ik i wrote genshin and now i'm writing resident evil, but i am not entirely comfortable with taking reqs for them yet soooo here's me just dipping my toes into the waters of those fandoms. still sticking to mk1 tho. for now. also it's been a hot minute since i played re2 so if it's ooc i apologize.
leon thought you looked so pretty in your sleep. you looked completely peaceful and unbothered. your bedsheets covered your entire body except for your ethereal face, which he could stare at all day. the moon provided a dim glow through your window, giving leon a clear view of your entire bedroom while you slept. sure it may be creepy or a bit stalker-ish of leon to watch you sleep, but he couldn't help it! you were just so irresistible. if only you knew how much he loved you, and how he was capable of protecting and providing for you. he has the potential to be the best boyfriend to you. but you didn't even know him that well, and he was fully aware of that fact. so that's why he suddenly got an idea while he watched you sleep that night. it was a brilliant idea. he could invite you to his place and gain your trust! leon didn't want to waste any time, so he would immediately ask you first thing in the morning.
when you woke up that morning, you got a call from leon a few minutes after you got out of bed.
"i know it's a bit early in the morning, i hope you weren't sleeping... if so, i'm really sorry. i mean, i didn't know when to call you because i didn't want to bother you but at the same time i just really wanted to ask you something." leon rambled.
"no worries, leon. you could never bother me. besides, i just got out of bed. this was so perfectly timed, it's almost as if you memorized my sleep schedule." you joked.
"oh, yeah, that's crazy. imagine that," leon chuckled nervously. "um, anyway, i was just thinking... would you like to come over to my place later? i just thought that we know each other a little bit, but i'd like to get to know you more, since i think you're pretty cool and stuff, so, uh, yeah..." he trailed off, waiting for an answer.
upon hearing his proposal, you lit up in excitement. you always thought he was cute and wanted to get to know him, but you were too nervous to make the first move. this was a great opportunity.
leon was nervously fiddling with his fingers as he waited for your response. the longer you took to respond, the more his anxiety grew. he could feel the sweat forming on his skin and his chest tighten. what if you weren't interested in him in that way? was he being too forward? were you too busy?
you took a deep breath before you finally responded, mustering up the courage to say something. "i'll visit in a couple hours. i'll see you then, leon." you responded quickly, hanging up the phone and getting ready to see him.
leon's heart almost jumped out of his chest when you finally responded. he dropped his phone and immediately got to work, cleaning his place and hiding the pictures of you sleeping and your old clothes in a box under his couch.
he worked very hard to tidy everything up, wanting it to be perfect for you. only the best for you.
when he finished cleaning, he sat on the floor in front of his door like a puppy waiting for its owner. he patiently waited for you to knock on the door and come in, even though it would be a couple more hours until you arrived.
after a few hours of leon not moving a single inch, you finally arrived. as soon as your knuckles grazed the door to knock, leon swung it open with superhuman speed.
"thanks for coming! i hope the weather wasn't too harsh on you." leon greeted, stepping aside to let you in. he didn't actually know if the weather was harsh or not, he just said the first thing that came to his mind to start a conversation with you.
"thanks... and uh, the weather isn't bad at all. it's just a bit windy." you responded, awkwardly standing by the door.
leon was trying his hardest to act calm, but his heart was racing and he could feel his palms getting sweatier and sweatier. you were standing right next to him! and you were alone together! he could've just died right then and there. instead of watching you through your window, you're right in front of him! instead of breaking into your house and stealing and sniffing your clothes, he can just smell you right by him! he was in heaven.
for a couple hours, you both spent time together by watching movies and chatting, getting to know each other more and more. leon even ordered dinner for you both, and somehow he got your favorite food, and he claimed it was just intuition. it didn't even feel like hours had passed, since you were both enjoying yourselves.
"so, uh, do you like this movie?" leon awkwardly spoke up, as you both sat on the couch in front of his tv. you simply smiled and nodded, too tired to respond. it was a random film that you weren't familiar with, and you watched it in silence next to him. you were both clearly tired after that long day, but leon didn't want you to leave just yet. so he started awkwardly starting new conversations or asking you questions, hoping to keep your attention on him. he loved the amount of attention you already gave him that day, and he was still giddy that you agreed to visit him in the first place. all he needs to stay happy is for you to look at him. but you were literally sitting on his couch and spending time with him, and it just made him so overwhelmed with joy. it gave him hope that you could work as a couple someday, and you would never know about his unorthodox antics to get to this point.
or at least that's what he thought.
at some point, leon excused himself to the restroom and left you boredly swinging your legs back and forth on the couch. but you felt your leg kick something hard underneath the couch. when you decided to investigate, you found a hidden box. curious as to why it was hidden, you decided to open it and look inside.
big mistake.
you found some old clothes and underwear that you thought you lost, pieces of your hair, various pictures of you sleeping, a few grocery lists and paperwork that you thought you threw away, and even pages ripped out of leon's journal describing his dark fantasies of you. some of it had some mysterious white stains on it. it was disgusting, and it made you sick to look through it. you thought leon was just a cute sweetheart, but it turned out he was a stalker and a creep. you were so shocked, that you didn't know what to do. should you run? call someone? but it was unsafe, because he clearly knew your address and a lot of your personal information. you had no idea what to do, so you stayed frozen in shock.
when leon returned, he saw the horrified look on your face and saw the box in your hands. his heart dropped. you knew his secret.
"shit. oh my god, uh, it's not what you think. i swear, i just, uh, fuck..." leon stammered, dropping down to his knees in shame.
"what the fuck is this? how long have you been stalking me, you fucking creep?" you yelled, standing over his shaking form.
"haah.. i... uh.." leon seemed to be breathing weirdly, and you weren't sure if it was out of anxiety or pleasure.
"and this," you picked up one of the pages from his journal and waved it in front of his face. "what the fuck is this? you are so fucked up... are you in love with me or something? or is it just some weird ass sexual obsession?"
"i.. i do love you! of course i do! this isn't how i wanted you to find out, but i really do love you! please don't take it the wrong way. i don't want to hurt you, i just want to be with you. i want to feel you and- and spend every waking moment of my life with you.. please don't hate me." leon begged, grasping onto your leg pathetically.
"you're sick in the head. and you're nothing but a pathetic stalker." you scoffed. all the trust and affection you had for him went out the window after you opened that box. there was no way he can get your trust back. hell, you were willing to cut contact with him and move to another country at that point.
"fuck... okay, maybe i am.. but, uh... shit." leon struggled to get his words out, as he felt aroused by your degradation. he never thought it would feel so good to have you yell at him. he could barely even speak, it just felt euphoric for you to scold him for his actions. you expected him to panic, but he seemed to have mixed feelings about the situation. he was still horrified that you discovered his dirty secret, but he had stars in his eyes the more you screamed at him.
"oh my god... you're a masochistic freak, huh? you like it when i yell at you? god, you're so fucked up." you spat, grabbing his collar and lifting him up to your level.
leon whimpered at the sudden contact, not responding to your degredation and simply squirming at your touch.
you sighed. "are you going to explain yourself? or are you just going to keep babbling nonsense?"
after getting no response, you dropped him and started to grab your things and leave.
"i.. i love you so much!" leon blurted out. "please don't leave! i promise, i can make it up to you! i'll do whatever you want! i can uh... i can provide for you! you won't have to lift a single finger for the rest of your life! and uh... i can cook and clean! sort of. i'll learn how to take care of you. i'll show you that i can be a good boyfriend if you let me! please, just love me! i did all these things for you and i promise i will stop if you want me to! please, don't leave."
leon stood in front of the door and desperately held you in place, not wanting to let you leave.
if you chose to stay, leon would be overjoyed. he would keep his promise and make it up to you, spending the rest of his life protecting you from harm and doing anything to keep you happy. your well-being is his number one priority, he'd make himself look like a fool if it meant getting a smile out of you. just let him love you. you don't need to give him anything in return!
if you chose to leave, leon would be a sobbing, sulking mess for about an hour or two before he decided on what to do. he still had all of your information. he knew pretty much everything about you. he would probably do something to force you into being with him, such as faking your death and kidnapping you. you have nobody else now. you have to be with leon now. he is the only one that still loves you and will keep you happy. even if you're mad at him now, he has hope that someday you will warm up to him and be willing to have a relationship with him. he'll wait patiently for that day to come.
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