#yeah i read homestuck why do you ask

[onetomb-art]

Step, Drag

A Doll finds something unusual, voting ensues! (tw for mild slur use, about 1300 words long)

Step. Draaaaag. Step. Draaaaag. Step. Draaaaaaaag.

<Z-Cptn> You know, this is just like that one campfire story. With the escaped inmate?

<DosEquis> not helping

<Hi5> Campfire story? Do tell, you’ve piqued my interest!

<DosEquis> guys can this wait

<Z-Cptn>  Oh i can’t remember all the details, but it was something about an escaped serial killer on the loose in a summer camp, but he was still handcuffed to a cop, so he had to drag the body, and it was all like. Step. Draaaaag. Step, Draaaaag.

<Hi5>  Fascinating!

<DosEquis> guys i think hes really hurt

<777> Zee you dumbass thats not how it goes! 

<777> Its supposed to be a prisoner with one of those old-timey ball and chains on his leg

<Z-Cptn> What? Since when?

<777> Since fuckin always, who drags around a dead cop? You can break handcuffs like, so fuckin easily.

<Sixaphone> you can?

<Hi5> I don’t believe that’s correct, dear Sev. Handcuffs are made of quality materials, or else suspects would always be getting out of them, don’t you think?

<777> BULLSHIT

<777> Cuffs are fuckin weaksauce its just a chain link, plus you see people break them in movies all the time

<Z-Cptn> Movies are different from real life.

<777> Movies are basically real life!!! Movies are more real than real life, fuckin fight me

<Z-Cptn> [Called a vote: “Are movies the same as real life?”]

<Z-Cptn> [voted]

<777> [voted]

<Sixaphone> [voted]

<Hi5> [voted]

<777> …

<777> well?!?

<Z-Cptn> Hang on, it's tied.

<Z-Cptn> @<DosEquis> We need you to vote.

<DosEquis> are you fucking kidding me

<777> Dont be such a fuckin killjoy babe! It takes like, two seconds

<DosEquis> hes hurt bad i dont have time for this

<777> Dude hes like. Wayyyyyyy dead. Just leave him there and vote so i can show everyone what a fuckin idiot Zee is

<DosEquis> hes not dead

<DosEquis> i saw him move

<DosEquis> [voted]

[Vote concluded. Vote results: 40% “Obviously Not”,  60% “Yes(???)”. “Yes(???)” is the victor with five votes counted.]

<777> YES

<777> FUCK YES

<Z-Cptn> What???

<Hi5> Who would possibly vote “Yes”?

<777> SMART PEOPLE!!

<777> THATS FUCKIN WHO!!!1!

<DosEquis> i just clicked to get rid of the popup

<777> STILL COUNTS!!!!

<Z-Cptn> Wait, then that means that @<Sixaphone> voted for you too.

<Z-Cptn>  @<Sixaphone>, you don’t actually think movies are real life, do you?

<Sixaphone> um

<Sixaphone> no

<Sixaphone> i just

<777> JEEZ Zee lay off her thats like, voter intimidation its hella illegal you could go to jail

<Sixaphone> wait what

<Z-Cptn> Its not “voter intimidation”, i just wanted to make sure she knows the difference between *fiction* and *reality*.

<Sixaphone> please dont send Miss Zero to jail

<Sixaphone> im sorry

<777> Youre fine Six, its an expression

<Z-Cptn> I’m not going to jail, don’t worry. Seven was just attempting to make a crude joke. 

<Sixaphone> oh, ok

<Sixaphone> sorry

<TriAsIMight> Good morning everyooone!!!

<TriAsIMight> What’d I miss???

<Hi5> Oh, Salutations! We were having a discussion about movies and campfire stories! Would you like a recap?

<Sixaphone> good morning!

<TriAsIMight> WAIT 

<TriAsIMight> IS THAT A DEAD BODY???

<777> yes!

<DosEquis> no.

<Z-Cptn> We’re not quite sure, actually.

<TriAsIMight> WHAT

<TriAsIMight> EXPLAIN?!?

<777> Twos been on a murder spree, its been like fuckin rambo first blood over here

<TriAsIMight> ???

<Z-Cptn> That is blatantly incorrect.

<Hi5> I thought that the entire point of the “Rambo: First Blood” film was that the titular character did *not* go on a murder spree.

<777> Never seen it tbh

<Z-Cptn> There’s not really that much to explain, really. Two was piloting, in salvage mode, digging through some of the old office blocks, when she found this guy collapsed in a pile of blood. Recovery protocol kicked in, and now she’s attempting to drag the guy to safety. Does that seem about right, @<DosEquis>?

<DosEquis> left out the part where hes heavy as fuck

<DosEquis> but yeah

<DosEquis> basically

<TriAsIMight> JEEEZ

<TriAsIMight> That is effed up!!!

<DosEquis> thank you holy shit finally

<TriAsIMight> That sounds so stressful like what the F!!!

<DosEquis> THANK you

<DosEquis> im over here trying to save this guys life while yall are calling votes over dumb shit

<TriAsIMight> I can’t believe you all!!! Discussing movies and even calling a vote while Two is out there risking her life to save a person she doesn’t even know!!! Shame on you all!!!

<777> Ugh, youre not our fuckin mom, fuck OFF with all that shit

<Hi5> I agree with Seven, the lecture is hardly necessary. 

<Z-Cptn> Come on now. 

<TriAsIMight> We have to do something!!!

<Z-Cptn> Why don’t we ask her if she needs help with anything first. @<DosEquis>?

<DosEquis> i dont know what yall could do right now im

<DosEquis> hang on

<DosEquis> uh oh

<TriAsIMight> uh oh???

<DosEquis> theres a ladder

<Hi5> Ah, so there is. That could prove troublesome with your heavy new friend, I’m afraid.

<DosEquis> yeah i just

<DosEquis> im not sure how to get him down safely

<777> Drop the fucker, i wanna see if he bounces

<DosEquis> what no

<DosEquis> maybe if i just

<DosEquis> no

<Z-Cptn> It doesn’t seem like that far of a drop, you could lower him down feet first and then drop him? You might break his ankles, but that seems like the least of his worries. 

<DosEquis> guys

<Z-Cptn> [Called a vote: “Should she drop him?”]

<777> [voted]

<DosEquis> seriously

<Z-Cptn> [voted]

<TriAsIMight> [voted]

<Hi5> [voted]

<Sixaphone> [voted]

<Z-Cptn> @<DosEquis> Are you going to vote?

<DosEquis> yall are assholes

<DosEquis> [voted]

[Vote concluded. Vote results: 50% “Drop him”,  50% “Try another way”. The vote is a tie with six votes counted.]

<777> Well that was fuckin pointless

<DosEquis> can we stop with all the votes this is really annoying when im trying to work

<DosEquis> im gonna tie a rope to his waist i just gotta find a rope

<Z-Cptn> Voting is a useful tool for quick decision making!

<Hi5> Well said, hear hear!

<TriAsIMight> Don’t you all think the voting is distracting for her??? 

<777> lol yeah 

<Z-Cptn> Distracting? It's one button push. 

<DosEquis> ok i found some rope and ive got him tied

<DosEquis> gonna lower him down now

<Hi5> Ah, the moment of truth! Drumroll, everyone…

<TriAsIMight> Shut up, let her concentrate!!!

<777> Fuck off youre not the boss of me you dumb bimbo

<TriAsIMight> HEY???

<Z-Cptn> Play nice you two.

<777> Yeah, play nice you fucking piece o

<777> HOLY SHIT

<TriAsIMight> OH MY GOSH NO!!!

<Hi5> Oh dear.

<DosEquis> fuck

<DosEquis> the rope snapped

<Sixaphone> is he okay?

<777> HES TOTALLY FUCKIN DEAD BITCH

<Sixaphone> oh no

<Z-Cptn> We don’t know that, Two can you peek over the edge so we can see how hes doing?

<DosEquis> i dont want to

<777> Congrats on your first successful snuff film babe, this ones going on liveleak!

<Z-Cptn> Seven cut it out. Two, i need you to peek over the edge for me.

<DosEquis> no

<777> DO IT DO IT DO IT

<DosEquis> no i really dont want to

<TriAsIMight> We can’t help him if we can’t see him, you have to be brave!!!

<DosEquis> fucking fine

<777> YES YES YES YES

<Hi5> At least try to hide your murderboner, Seven. 

<777> BITE ME

<777> Aw

<TriAsIMight> He looks like he might be okay!!! That bush looks like it cushioned his fall…

<DosEquis> thank fuck 

<Sixaphone> he moved

<DosEquis> wait holy shit youre right

<DosEquis> hes moving

<TriAsIMight> Hes alive!!!

<DosEquis> i think he sees me

<Z-Cptn> Is he saying something? He’s moving his mouth.

<DosEquis> yeah hang on let me give yall audio

<DosEquis> [Input audio source “not dead guy”]

[‘not dead guy’] -OU FUCKING RETARDED MACHINE WHAT THE FUCK YOU BROKE MY FUCKING RIBS YOU [Incomprehensible] ILL FUCKING HAVE YOU SCRAPPED WHO THE [Incomprehensible] [Incomprehensible] ILL 

<DosEquis> [Removed audio source “not dead guy”]

<DosEquis>...

<DosEquis>...

<DosEquis> [Called a vote: “Hey can i kill him?”]

[theminecraftbee]

so a thing this fandom does that remains FASCINATING to me, as a function of the fact a lot of this fandom is people's first fandom or only current fandom, is just... assume a lot of things it does is a scourge that this fandom has invented or doesn't exist outside of it? or like, is uniquely bad here? and i won't deny that sometimes mcyt fandom is a bit more intense by virtue of numbers, but like...

duo names: confusing fandom-injokes to describe duos and groups tend to be an anime fandom thing specifically for many historical reasons, but they're not uncommon. hey quick--if you haven't been in KHR fandom, can you guess what 1827 is? no? i'll give you a hint: that's actually a ship name. or, ygo fans, tell me the difference between puppyshipping, prideshipping, violetshipping, and rivalshipping. my hint is that they're all kaiba ships and two of them are actually the same ship. good luck!

reducing characters to a specific trait: have you read fic in another fandom before? i would recommend you go do so and come back to me. my example here is "sasuke likes tomatoes", for the record.

common au fanon that's confusing to outsiders: my deep cut here is "when i got into certain tv fandoms i was baffled by the existence of sentinel/guide fics", which is a slightly older tv fandom thing so many of you probably don't know what i'm on about. but trust me: in certain fandoms it's ubiquitous and unless you've watched a completely different tv show you're gonna have to entirely pick it up from reading fic. oh hey, hybrid aus and watcher!grian, nice to see your relative here,

fanon being treated as canon: did you know there's this whole bnha character, naomasa, who is treated as canonically having a lie detector quirk? did you know that, best i can tell, that's not in canon anywhere, it just got echoed through fanon enough that everyone treated it as canon? 'fanon trait becomes so ubiquitous everyone assumes it has to be there' is not a new thing. also, batfamily fans, i have been lead to understand the tim and coffee thing is also this.

characters being treated badly to make a different dynamic look better: the fact we have the term 'character bashing' tells you all you need to know, here. if anything my one complaint on this front isn't even that it's happening--it's that i wish bashing and/or "not [character] friendly" was tagged a little more frequently, haha.

characters being reduced to their family dynamics: tale as old as time. "even the family dynamic thing" yes even that. just because this fandom tended to be particularly ship-adverse in the past didn't mean it didn't do basically the same behaviors as any fandom with shipping did with those dynamics, just gen. and other gen fandoms also do that. yes, down to the "and shipping reduces them to a ship, unlike my gen dynamic, which is very in-character; why can't people just be friends?" thing. some of you have to have been marvel fans right.

characters being reduced to their ships: some of you have to have been marvel fans right.

The Discourse: yeah this is an "actively running show" fandom thing, but also a hiatus fandom thing. ask a homestuck about vriskourse sometime. as much as i hate to say it, it probably made doomsday discourse look cute.

and those are just like... some things i've seen people complain about on my dash recently. idk it just hit me there are probably fans in mcyt fandoms who are assuming that some things (like hybrid aus or duo names) are the kind of things that only happen here, so i thought i'd offer some examples of other places they happen! i also have even more examples if you'd like.

to be clear: this isn't shaming anyone for complaining about any of these things. lord knows i go complain to my friends about it all the time, just the other day i was complaining in the category of 'they keep bashing my guy'. it's more of just... a gentle reminder that maybe we're big, maybe we're loud, maybe we have problems... but these problems aren't always unique.

so uh. we're all suffering together i guess...?

[charmikarma]

Breath as Influence and John in the Epilogues

Breath is probably one of the better understood aspects. “What is it?” someone asks – and the whole fandom is like, “Oh, Breath is about freedom and wind and detachment.” Which I don't disagree with. But I think most people miss a key piece of it – Breath as influence.

I'm no seasoned classpector, but I am a Mage of Breath, so I feel like I have a deep and personal understanding of Breath, particularly because of how it has manifested in my life. Yeah, I know, claiming I'm an authority on the subject because of my self-imposed alignment within a fake typology system makes me sound like an asshole. But I'll have to ask you to trust me, because if I start talking about my own experiences, I'll sound like even more of an asshole.

Anyway, let's kick this off with the official description of Breath, per the Extended Zodiac:

In summary: the Breath-bound are flexible, driven, detached, and maybe a little self-centered. Also, other people tend to get caught up in their personal development, which tends to make them good leaders. But the most important thing here for the point I'm making is this:

others ... feel inspired by them.

This word, inspired, has been rolling around in my brain for the past few weeks, because of its connection to Breath. Hey, did you know that “inspire” comes from Latin spirare, meaning "breathe"? And if we include the Latin prefix in-, it becomes "breathe into."

The Breath-bound have an ability to breathe into, or inspire others. They're not aware of it – after all, they are just living their lives for themselves. But wherever they go, they are inspiring people. Or, more accurately, they are influencing people. Actually, the influence of Breath goes beyond just people. I could even get meta with it (and I will. I apologize in advance). But let's start small for now.

Tavros Nitram

So, Tavros. Page of Breath. Pretty much all of Tavros's contributions to Homestuck as a story happen as a result of someone doing something to him. Vriska paralyzes him, which kickstarts the whole FLARP cycle of revenge arc. And again when the truce is broken in Act 5 Act 2, it is because Vriska kills Tavros. If this doesn't sound like influence to you, you're right. Tavros has very little influence. He's a Page, after all, and if there's one thing I know about Pages, it's that they're weak as shit until they reach their "true potential," which is pretty much always something stupidly overpowered. Y'know, like Jake overpowering Jade's first guardian powers. That was pretty batshit, I'd say.

But Tavros's contributions don't end there. He actually does reach his true Page-y potential right at the very end of Homestuck, when he gathers an army of ghosts – honestly, probably every single ghost in the furthest ring – by just talking to them. Was this something of a punchline to a very long joke? Probably. But it is also a pretty good example of the kinds of things Breath players typically do.

On a meta level, though, this argument kind of falls apart, because... As far as I can tell, the army of ghosts doesn't really do anything. Nothing important, anyway. Lord English's defeat is pretty much entirely at the hands of John, Dave, Davepetasprite^2, and alt!Calliope in the body of Jade, as described in the Epilogues. The ghost army just isn't relevant, in the end.

But you know what is relevant? Vriska.

Half the people reading this just groaned, I can feel it. Why are we talking about Vriska, a Light player, on a post about Breath?? I hear your question and I raise you this: Why the fuck is Vriska so obsessed with Breath players???? Personally, I think it's because she has an innate sense for their passive ability to decide what's relevant.

But before we get into Vriska, let's talk about John.

John Egbert

John, Heir of Breath. The protagonist of the story. In the context of my thesis of "Breath as influence," isn't it interesting that the protagonist is a hero of Breath? And even beyond that, he's an Heir, a class typically interpreted as "becoming" their Aspect, or "inheriting" it. If you find my argument compelling, you could even say John is the influence that drives the story. Which is exactly what a protagonist does - after all, what is a story without a protagonist?

This question is actually addressed in Homestuck, kind of. At some point in Act 4, Terezi manipulates John into visiting his denizen early, which gets him killed. The story is left without its protagonist, and progress grinds to a screeching halt. Jade doesn't enter the Medium and presumably dies. The reckoning never happens. Dave and Rose are trapped in a doomed timeline. They lose contact with the trolls. For what is a world without the breeze, without air, but a place of complete standstill? The story needs John to continue. Okay, it needs Rose and Dave and Jade just as much. But it's interesting that the story makes a point of John's death being the turning point that makes this particular timeline doomed.

Okay, sorry for the wait. It’s Vriska time. Vriska's driving motivation is to be relevant. She does everything in her power to steal the spotlight, which may or may not be related to the fact that she's a Thief of Light. Again, I'm not an experienced classpecter. I only really have a surface level understanding of Light. But I'm getting off topic here.

In Act 5 Act 2, Vriska starts talking to John. Why? Well, partially because she wants to compete with Terezi, who is talking to Dave. But there's also the fact that she wants to be the force responsible for Bec Noir. And also for John reaching god tier. And everything relevant really??? She's really fucking good at being relevant, I'll give her that. Or at least presenting the illusion of relevance, but that's a big topic that I think I should save for another day. Another essay, maybe. The point here is, John has a tremendous amount of influence over Things That Happen just by existing, and Vriska knows it. Maybe she torments Tavros because she senses the same sort of potential in him, but that's probably a stretch.

In any case, this is baby shit. There's better evidence than this. Let’s talk retcon powers.

You could argue that the retcon powers are separate from John's abilities related to his classpect, and on some level you'd be right. But in a game that "knows" everything that is going to happen, I have to question if extraneous powers like this are taken into consideration when Sburb "decides" what classpect it gives a player. I feel similarly about Jade's First Guardian powers. Teleportation is a pretty space-y power, in my opinion. And definitely one that... "breaks rules," I guess. Among all the other things First Guardians get to do. Once again, I'm no classpector. But Jade getting access to First Guardian powers upon reaching God Tier strikes me as very Witch of Space-y. I feel similarly about John's retcon powers - they strike me as very Heir of Breath-y.

And not just because I view Breath as influence, though that is definitely the most obvious way the retcon powers could be interpreted as Breath-y. Even on a surface level, they're pretty Breath-y. When John first talks to Roxy, he gives a whole spiel about everything he's been to up until this point, most of which is obscured by "blah blah blah." But little phrases come through occasionally, and when he starts talking about his brand new retcon powers, he uses the phrase "UNSTUCK FROM CANON." Which sounds a lot to me like "freedom from the narrative." But maybe more telling is the fact that John's quest as an Heir of Breath requires that he use his retcon powers. Getting rid of the oil, freeing the fireflies - his quest as established at the very beginning was always intended (in universe at least; I can't speak for Hussie's intentions) to be solved by his retcon powers.

So retcon powers are at the very least Breath-adjacent. What’s that got to do with Breath as influence? I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. Retcon powers are basically the ability to do whatever the fuck you want to any point of any timeline. I’d call this influence but I’d sound silly, actually. It goes way beyond influence. It’s way less subtle. I guess you could call direct intervention like this influence at its most powerful. Well, almost. There’s one step above this that John never really taps into. Which brings us to...

The Epilogues

For better or for worse, I fucking love the Epilogues. I think Candy, on its own, is a fantastic and surreal deep dive into a mind high on depression. And as for Meat, I’m an absolute sucker for metafiction and narrative fuckery. I eat that shit right up. My favorite anime is Princess Tutu, etc., etc. This is your warning: Yes, this section will contain evidence toward my claim that Breath is influence. It also doubles as an Epilogues analysis. It kind of turns into one at the end. Sorry, but I needed to get it out of my system.

So, in case you missed it, the step above retcon powers that John never taps into is direct narrative control, like we see Dirk engaging in throughout the Meat side of the Epilogues. The fact that Dirk is revealed to be the narrator of Meat begs the question: who is narrating Candy? It’s never outright stated, but it’s probably alt!Calliope. Unlike Dirk, alt!Calliope doesn’t have an agenda, as far as we’re aware. So why is Candy so fucked up and weird? Why is everyone out of character? I know this comes as a shock, but: it’s probably John’s passive influence over the narrative.

Before the Epilogues even begin, John’s been wasting away in his house all day, every day. He’s depressed as hell. Sort of dissatisfied with how artificial and "perfect" Earth C is. Some have suggested he also feels disconnected from the post-retcon versions of his friends, and I think this holds some merit. It would explain why he feels disconnected from reality in Candy.

(Candy, 11)

Depression colors your view of reality. It darkens some parts, brightens others. People who look happy will appear so to an unsettling degree. Fucked up things will appear even more fucked up. Depression ups the contrast, if you will. And that’s pretty much what happens in Candy. Jane’s pretty bad in Meat, but she’s like a billion times worse in Candy. Jade causes some awkward moments in Meat, but she is pretty much a sex pest in Candy. The positive parallels are a bit harder to find, since Meat pretty much sucks too, but you could speculate that John perceives Rosemary to be happier together than they actually are, so they’re, like, uber happy together in Candy and raising a daughter and shit. It is John’s warped perception of reality that in turn warps it beyond recognition.

This isn’t just me theorizing, by the way. There’s pretty compelling evidence to suggest that this idea is accurate to what is happening. It’s pretty clear in a conversation between (Vriska), who has just arrived on Earth C via the black hole in the furthest ring and her descendant/clone Vriska (aka Vrissy in HS:BC). The two of them stare up at the sky, pointing out clouds and what they are shaped like, when (Vriska) has a realization.

(Candy, 37)

John’s influence over the reality is so absolute, even the clouds bend to his will. I think Vriska only notices it because she’s a new arrival to Johntown. It isn’t long before she’s absorbed into the John-ness of the timeline. And then, she goes on to say exactly what I’ve been saying this whole time. Remember earlier, when I said Vriska knew that John had an incredible amount of influence over Things That Happen?

(Candy, 37)

Yeah. That wasn’t speculation.

The last thing she says, though, that he’d be relevant even if he was dead, is actually a reference to Meat. So let’s talk about it!

As we know, Meat is narrated by Dirk. Dirk’s narrative style is a lot of fun for me, personally. He’s sassy, kind of an asshole, and has no time for bullshit. The second John puts that meat in his mouth, he gets to work, pulling the strings of his little puppet show.

(Meat, 1)

He wastes no time putting words in John’s mouth, writing him out of the story of Earth C as quickly as possible. It’s almost with a sense of urgency that he pushes John to complete his mission. Which is probably necessary, seeing as the sanctity of canon relies on him going back to tie up the loose end that is Lord English. But I think Dirk has ulterior motives. I don’t think Dirk has the ability to impose his will so overbearingly with John around, because for some reason, John’s power of passive influence prevents him from doing so. Is John more powerful than Dirk, even after his ascension to Ultimate Selfhood? Maybe. I certainly think so.

But John’s pretty gullible. He’s easily influenced. He doesn’t have the same safeguard around his own mind, for some reason. Or maybe he does, and it’s just taken Dirk this long to crack him? This is speculation at this point. Not important.

So Dirk eventually kills John. Why? Well, first of all, it’s harder to control the narrative with him around. Though I speculate that’s not very important to Dirk anymore since he fucks off to who knows where around when John comes back. I think, more likely, Dirk finds John’s influence on the narrative unsavory. I mean, just look at Candy. What an absolute disaster of a timeline. Maybe his awareness is such that he knows that letting John live will result in a similar degradation of his friends’ personalities as he knows them. I can’t really say one way or another. It’d explain why he wants John’s body on the ship with him, though. Y’know, to make sure he never gets revived. And yes, he wants him on that ship. He pretty much tells Terezi outright to captchalogue his body before convincing her to join him.

(Meat, 35)

There’s one problem, though. I don’t think John being dead even erased his influence on the narrative?

(Meat, 36)

Right there at the end:

The gentle breeze is all she can hear. It’s louder than my voice, and in some understated way, makes my case for me more persuasively.

I don’t think there’s any other way to read this than the breeze representing John. This is a literal manifestation of John’s influence. I guess it could be symbolic – like Terezi doing a “what would John do?” kind of thought process. But I dunno, Dirk doesn’t strike me as that kind of narrator. Besides... It’s a little too on the nose. Say what you will about the Epilogues, but I believe a great amount of care went into them. This certainly isn’t a throwaway line.

Conclusion

Okay, sorry. I really went off the deep end into Epilogues Analysis Land there. You may have noticed that I didn’t talk about Homestuck: Beyond Canon. That’s partly because I haven’t gotten there in my reread, but mostly because I’m not yet convinced that it has – or will have – nearly the level of plot consistency of its predecessors. We’ll see, I guess.

In any case... Breath as influence, huh? There’s probably more evidence for this hidden away somewhere. I probably could have talked about Rufioh. I didn’t want to though. I also probably could have pointed out the word inspire from the Extended Zodiac thing and called it a day, but instead I blacked out and wrote this. Weird!

If you read all, uh... *checks word count* 2.7k words of this??? Jesus fuck. If you read all this, thank you for reading. I’m open to feedback! I’d love to discuss some of this more! Especially the Epilogues stuff. I have a million thoughts. Bye!

[oopsallfictives]

I want to tell you a story about one of my headmates. It's about competing needs, and the harm we can do if we assert that one type of accessibility is inherently and always more important than another. It's also a story about typing quirks, and if you can't read a story like that with an open mind, this is your chance to scroll past and leave us be

Terezi is fictive of Terezi Pyrope from Homestuck. Because of that, SH3 TYP3S L1K3 TH1S (plain text: she types like this). Obviously, this isn't compatible with the use of a screenreader. A lot of our Homestuck fictives prefer to use their typing quirks, but will use plain text in settings where there might be people who use screenreaders, or where the use of typing quirks is banned. Not Terezi, though

It's not because they're stubborn, or because they don't understand the importance of screenreaders, it's because it's a genuine need for them. When she tries to type "normally", it causes distress and dissociation, because the words don't feel like she's the one typing them unless she's allowed to type them in her quirk. We've tried to find ways to accommodate them, like I did above by providing a plain text version, but that's not always practical or possible, and she can't write the plain text versions herself. There's a reason she's not the one telling you this story

In a lot of online system spaces, it's become the norm to discourage or outright ban the use of typing quirks because they're incompatible with screenreaders. The idea is that people can just not use their quirks, while people can't opt out of needing a screenreader, but that's not true for everyone. Yes, some typing quirks are incompatible with screenreaders, so when people use them their messages aren't accessible to anyone who relies on a screenreader. And yeah, that's an issue, but the solution can't be that no one gets to use typing quirks. When you ban them, you're still making your space inaccessible, just to a different group of people

When one of the plural discord servers we're in banned the use of typing quirks, we negotiated a method of translating Terezi's messages into plain text that the mods agreed to, but the damage was already done. They stopped coming up to front, stopped talking to people outside the system entirely. They're close friends with three of the people I'm in a relationship with, and yet I haven't seen them in months. If I hadn't asked her permission to write this, who knows when I would've seen her next?

And when I did ask, she burst into tears and asked me to please write it because she can't do it herself. Even if they got to do it entirely in their typing quirk they still couldn't tell their story because they're scared it'll get hate sent our way, and I'll be the one who has to deal with it. She also has a lot of shame about this part of her, because she's been told it's unreasonable and selfish for her to type in her quirk. If you can't understand why that's a problem, imagine being told you're making a space inaccessible just by talking in your natural voice

This is a competing needs issue. There are spaces where people who need screenreaders and people who need to be allowed to use their typing quirks will be coexisting, and that's going to be a tricky thing to handle. But you don't solve a competing needs issue by saying "one of you gets your needs met and the other has to leave". But people don't take typing quirks seriously as a genuine need, they don't see them as an accessibility issue. So when they come up against screenreaders, most people think it's obvious that screenreaders should be prioritized 100% of the time

But when everyone's saying that your needs aren't genuine and you aren't allowed to just do what you need to without worrying about another person's needs (but they're allowed to do that to you), that eats at you. It eats at your self-esteem. The overwhelming message Terezi's gotten is "you're never allowed to put your own needs above the needs of others, and if you do we might punish your entire system for it". No wonder she stopped talking

I don't know if there's a single specific message we want you to take away from this, but if nothing else we'd like to say something to people whose accessibility needs are repeatedly deemed unimportant or less important. You're allowed to put yourself first. You're allowed to say "I can't worry about other people's needs right now, I'm going to do what I need to". You're allowed to be upset when other people treat you like shit for doing that, too. And it's not your fault that you have a need that other people don't take seriously

PL34S3 T4K3 C4R3 OF YOURS3LV3S

(Plain text: please take care of yourselves)

-Oliver (he/him) and Terezi (she/they)

[nekropsii]

Hi! I've recently gotten into homestuck and I've read quite a bit of it, as well as other people's blogs analyzing and criticizing the media. I've heard a Lot about Dave's arc being centered around internal homophobia and toxic masculinity, so it surprised me to hear taht you disagreed! I was wondering why you think that, and what are your thoughts on what his arc actually is? I know you don't like writing about the alpha/beta kids, so feel free to ignore this ask completely if you want. Thank you, I hope you have a great day!

Hello, Anon! I'm glad you've been having fun with Homestuck lately!! Despite its many flaws, it is a deeply compelling piece of fiction, and I'm always glad to see new eyes on it and new voices being added to the analytical sphere. To answer your question...

Personally, I have never seen what people are talking about with regards to Dave's whole character arc surrounding overcoming Internalized Homophobia and Toxic Masculinity. These are fundamentally not what his arc is about, and this is never what his arc has ever been about. I'd honestly never seen that analytical lens until after DaveKat rose into prominence (mostly due to Post-Canon's heavy featuring of the pairing), and I feel as if these things are related. It is easier to make easy-to-stomach, shippy angst out of addressing your own personal shortcomings than what Dave's arc is actually about. No shade intended. This is because...

Dave's character arc is, and always has been, about Recovering from Childhood Abuse.

This is the conflict we are made aware of in his introduction, and it's a theme that persists all throughout the story. We meet Dave as a 13 year old boy suffering some pretty extreme abuse at the hands of Bro- Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Sexually. Dave's home life is such an active threat that he struggles to even admit to himself that it is abuse in the first place- that's an admission that takes a level of vulnerability that he just could not afford, and it's something he's only left to truly unpack during the Meteor Arc.

I have a couple major problems with the "Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia" takes. Firstly, Toxic Masculinity is not inherent to any expression of Masculinity. The only Toxically Masculine trait we see that's applicable to Dave is that he struggles deeply with vulnerability and sincerity in his emotions. However... These don't really have anything to do with what his views on what a man is or should be. They have everything to do with the fact that he was abused by someone who punishes any display of weakness, because Bro excused his abuse with it being "Training". Secondly... Dave is Bisexual. Even if the process of Dave struggling to accept being attracted to men was a major point in the story, it would not be called Internalized Homophobia. It would be called Internalized Biphobia, because Dave is canonically Bisexual, not Gay. We have seen Dave be attracted to more women than men, and attraction to both genders was present simultaneously. It was not Compulsory Heterosexuality. If it was, it'd be actually written into the story. Bisexual people exist. This is not a Homophobic argument to make; I am literally a Gay man.

It's anthropologically fascinating how this take arose... Basically out of nowhere from my perspective, especially considering how all of Dave's most iconic dramatic lines have something to do with him having to sort through his own abuse. Does no one remember the rooftop scene between Dave and Dirk, where Dave starts telling Dirk all about the horrible way that Bro raised him, and how deeply it affected him?

If not, I'm posting the most striking part of it here.

[Homestuck, page 7749.]

... So, yeah, no. Dave's character arc is not about "Overcoming Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia". It's about Abuse. Dave is an Abuse Victim. Point blank period. Any trait even loosely attributable to the ideas of Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia are a consequence of how he was raised, and how he was abused. This does not mean that this is what his character arc is about. That just means that's included within his character arc. It's a way to show growth, not a way to define his arc in its entirety. That is legitimately not how character writing works. To claim such would be to express a remarkable amount of Tunnel Vision.

Inclusion does not equate to Totality. There is a bigger picture, and that bigger picture is Abuse Recovery.

[aitadjcrazytimes]

Frequently Asked Questions Post

Q: What the fuck

A: Yeah <3

Q: So, this was all fake then?

A: Yep

Q: What's wrong with you?

A: Actual clinical brain damage of the ABI variety

Q: Why Red vs Blue?

A: Why not?

Q: Tex would never propose to Church.

A: I agree and in hindsight this is obvious don't be mean to me i have brain damage

Q: What happened to disappearing forever?

A: I thought this was funnier and i operate off of the rule of funny

Q: What is your main blog?

A: I'd still prefer not to give that out in my pinned post but if you want to look for it i have given you the means to do so and am not gonna stop you just don't be a dick

Q: What's your name?

A: I go by Az most of the time, I use they/them and xe/xer pronouns

Q: Who did Tex and Church both go and hook up with 2 hours away out of state?

A: I didn't have an actual person in mind when i wrote it but in hindsight probably wash

Q: Have you read Homestuck yet

A: no thanks i already have brain damage

Q: Were you actually kin with Hiccup in high school

A: no I was kin with jack frost

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 1

I'm gonna strap in and do a Homestuck reread. I first read the comic when I was 17, and now I'm gonna be 31 in a month. During that time, my opinions on it have varied heavily, so let's see if I can properly collate my thoughts about this comic that has dominated a good chunk of my life.

I actually did give it a reread back in 2021, but I never wrote down any notes about it. Time to correct that mistake.

Right away we're introduced to John Egbert, a character that I've also held differing opinions about during my time in the fandom. I've gone from thinking he's boring, to one of the strongest characters in the story, and back to boring again several times. I hope I can get a more coherent grasp on our ostensible protagonist.

Well, I think it's noteworthy that his introduction page doesn't mention pranks or comedy as one of his interests. Being a goofy prankster is one of his defining character traits, yet the closest thing to that is this mention that he aspires to be a magician.

John's "magic chest" is full of novelty items, so it's easy to see why this dream of being a magician was supplanted with a love of pranks so early on. Hussie conflates close-up magic with practical jokes, and while superficially similar, they're definitely not the same thing.

I think John's "passion for really terrible movies" is the one consistent trait he carries throughout the comic. (And yeah, Mac and Me, Con Air, and Deep Impact all suck shit. John really does have atrocious taste). I don't believe we see any further references to programming, paranormal stuff, magic, or games after this act. Both this and the love of pranks are what solidify John's enduring characteristic of being a light-hearted cornball.

The beauty of user-suggested commands leads to this funny juxtaposition. This also establishes early on that John is easily suggestible; even an absurd command like this is able to tempt him just a tiny bit. This trait (for better or for worse) is one I'd argue is also a key part of John's character, as we'll see later on.

A joke like this was only really possible during these initial months of Obama's presidency. It's funny how it retroactively dates this comic.

John (and I suppose the rest of the kids as well) only has three friends added on his chat client. That's depressing. I wasn't a very sociable kid myself at his age, but I definitely had more than three friends on MSN back in the day. All of whom I met online.

Dave is introduced in the very first pesterlog and already we can see that John is a very annoying person to talk to. Even though he opens the conversation by bringing up Little Monsters, he feels the need to name drop the movie a second time just in case Dave didn't get the reference the first time (which he obviously did, given his response). He's very eager to talk about his special interests, I guess.

This is the first time Rose (TT) is mentioned. Very interesting that the first thing we learn about her is that she apparently has been "mackin on" Dave and asking him to play Sburb with her. Even though Dave is likely embellishing for comedic effect, it tells us that they have a very close relationship, given that he's the first person she asks to play the game with. Also DaveRose Nation has been eating since Page 35 lol.

In the same pesterlog, we get this line where Dave mentions how impractical the strife specibus is, since people obviously aren't regularly engaging in combat. These video game mechanics that seemingly everyone abides by have no practical function in their everyday lives. Clearly world building was not Hussie's first priority when writing this comic.

Correct, John. It really doesn't matter what the characters select as their strife specibus, since combat becomes increasingly irrelevant going forward. Ironically prescient comment.

The GameBro article is hilarious. I love you Dennis, you huge useless tool. Did you know that Dennis from GameBro has his own tag on AO3? I encourage everyone to go read the handful of stories on there because they're all super good.

John has the audacity to call his dad a cornball for liking harlequins, all while he's standing there wearing Groucho Marx glasses and a wizard hat. It's telling of his lack of self-awareness and disdain for other forms of humor that don't align with his own (i.e. lowbrow) tastes.

Here Hussie take a Shakespeare quote and misattributes it to Mark Twain. It's kind of a whatever joke, not really that funny. But then he does it again.

And then again!

Is this gag really that funny that it warrants being done three times in the same act? I think it's fucking lame.

Rose's first pesterlog. From the context here, it seems she and Dave had an off-screen conversation where he told her about John's gift. Her incessant flirting with Dave is also so well known in their friend group that John feels the need to bring it up right away. Jeez DaveRosers can't stop winning.

Note that Rose says "John" here while in the earlier log, Dave refers to Rose as "TT". John also calls her "TT" in a later log. As we later find out, all the kids already know each other's names. The only reason they refer to each other by their screen names is because their intro pages had yet to be released and the audience doesn't know their names yet. I get it, but it does read a little silly in-universe.

Awesome advert. God bless you, GameBro Magazine. BROBLERONE

This page is funny if only because I doubt the majority of Homestuck readers realize that the last paragraph is basically describing a lazy black man. How many of them will read "tawny gent" and "listless octoroon" and think they're just nonsense words?

"Caret Cake" hah okay that's a good one.

Wouldn't it have been crazy if John's missing chunk of hair remained that way until he got a command to fix it or something? But I guess that would've been too much effort for Hussie.

After a bunch of sylladex shenanigans (which I haven't mentioned because I don't find them very amusing. They make up a huge chunk of this act too, which is annoying.) John has finally installed the Sburb Beta. We're not told anything about this game except what is told in the spotty GameBro review, which describes it as some kind of game similar to The Sims where you "play house." And yes, it does resemble The Sims build mode, but this video game affects real life! Rose sets about manipulating objects in John's room and even alters the dimensions of his own house.

John's reaction is... well...

He's not at all fazed that Rose is manipulating reality before his eyes? Are all video games in Homestuck's world like this? I mean, if every character has an inventory system with built-in combat mechanics, it might make sense? This is never properly conveyed though, and it comes across as rather off-putting.

I think this is where the flaws in John's character become really apparent. He's very... underwhelming. He's almost always in this weird neutral state and rarely expresses any strong emotions. When he's frustrated, it's more of a mild annoyance or a temporary freakout before springing back to this basic... I don't even want to call it a "positive outlook" it really does feel like he's in this perpetually neutral state of mind until an external stimulus forces him to act. No thoughts are going on in this boy's head.

Hell, even when he's excited about something, it's only sort of temporary before he moves on to the next thing. He comes across as very emotionally stunted and it's hard to connect with him.

Is there a reason Rose is fucking around with the bathtub? It's not in response to a command, she just does it. She doesn't explain what she was trying to do with it, and only apologizes for dropping it in the middle of the hall since she was intending to move it to the driveway before her connection was interrupted. (The driveway bit was actually a command, but initially clicking on the tub wasn't.)

This insanely out of pocket quote has to be a top 10 Rose moment for sure. John's uncomfortable reaction seals this exchange.

Here's where John calls Rose "TT" as I mentioned earlier. Also, no Dave, you did not tell him to steer clear of the game. In fact, you were the one who suggested he play it with Rose. So why are you acting all weird and telling him to avoid her altogether? My guy, are you jealous or something?

Planet Fucking Jupiter is a top 10 Dave moment for sure.

We get to properly meet Rose. The fact that she hides stuff from the reader and doesn't fully obey some commands tells us that she's definitely not as suggestible as John. It's also funny how she refuses to use her arms at all in response to "Retrieve arms," instead using her legs to hide the box.

Man what's up with this Sims-ass architecture? An outdoor walkway with no railing? And with the weather outside, it's a wonder she didn't slip and fall to her death.

The first "End of Act Flash" is okay. John is faced with the final seconds of the countdown while a suspenseful track by Mark Hadley plays in the background. It's okay, I don't have anything else to say about it.

Overall Act 1 is kinda dull. I know there are people who swear by it, who claim that this is "peak Homestuck," but it's not for me. There are funny moments to be sure, but I can only put up with sylladex shenanigans for so long before things go stale. The biggest issue is that John is not at all an engaging protagonist. He has no agency and feels more like a prop for both Rose and the reader to boss around.

I think this Act suffers from Hussie trying to re-implement the same kind of adventure game format and jokes he used in Problem Sleuth, but it doesn't really work in Homestuck. The characters in Homestuck have actual dialogue and are supposed to be more fleshed out, unlike the comparatively flat characters that comprise the roster of PS.

Don't get me wrong, I adore PS and I don't think the lack of character depth is a detriment. Rather, it helps to put more emphasis on the overarching plot and wacky puzzle solving. It's established that Problem Sleuth is "hard-boiled detective", Ace Dick is "dumb muscle", and Pickle Inspector is "meek and fragile" and the reader doesn't expect them to act outside of their tropes. They truly feel like video game characters that the reader is supposed to control, using their different strengths to progress through the story.

John's problem is that he is ostensibly supposed to read like a 13 year old boy with hobbies and aspirations, but his suggestible nature makes him read more like a robot that blindly follows orders. Homestuck Act 1 wants to have both the wacky adventure game story and more fleshed out characters, but the end result isn't nearly as impressive. Either commit to making another PS-style story where the characters are vessels for the reader's control, or a plot where the characters have actual agency. Taking half-measures like this only creates bad results.

Hoo man this reread is getting off on the wrong foot. Hopefully the next Act is able to salvage things!

Read the next post here.

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 25/8

Aw, thank you! Sometimes I actually think I overdo it a little - that my dives are a little too deep. This is how I consume media IRL, though, so if nothing else, it's authentic.

The Battlefield is definitely growing. The spatial warping makes it hard to measure how much it's growing, so it could definitely be exponential, especially if we keep adding higher dimensions.

As for how Jack matches up against Bec - Jack is definitely smarter, but he's also a lot more vulnerable, since losing the Ring will render him powerless. He'd have to be incredibly careful in a fight, especially against someone just as fast as he is.

I still think Bec has the edge, but his victory is far from guaranteed. I totally understand why Jade wouldn't want to risk it.

Imagine what Eridan would have said to a 'lowly greenblood' like Jade.

Yeah, there's no way trolls have therapy.

I hate to say it, but the Alternian version of therapy is probably moirallegiance. You're supposed to rely on this one person to keep you emotionally stable - and if you're not outgoing or charismatic enough to find a moirail, you don't even have that.

Of course, this system has nothing in common with the relationship dynamics of any culture on Earth. We really dodged a bullet there!

Gamzee really leans into the 'court jester' aspect of being a bard. He doesn't take anything seriously, nor is he expected to do so - he's just off to the side, dancing.

Yeah, my prediction is that Vriska is going to use him.

If she can manipulate Tavros into trying to control Jack, she might actually be able to remove his Ring. I speculated that she might use some sort of cheat to gain an advantage in their fight, and I think we may have found it.

He casually controls Becsprite later on, so I don't think he needs their goals to align.

As for why Bec didn't try to save Jade - I think he knew instinctually that someone was going to make him save her, so he didn't need to do it manually. That's Alpha, baby!

I can't tell if I've reached the controversial part, to be honest. Was there discourse about whether Tavros had done anything wrong?

Personally, I think it's hard to argue that he didn't, but other characters have done much worse - and in much more ambiguous scenarios, too.

Lord English is coming, send help plz

Thank you! It's kind of funny actually - I know that Homestuck's irregular update schedule used to drive people mad, but I'm reading it at a similar pace, with similar irregularities, and it really has been a chill experience on my end.

Maybe it's because I'm not participating in the fandom the way live readers were, and therefore, I'm not subject to the weapons-grade hiatus brain that Cat has war stories about.

Poor Kanaya - she really knows how to pick 'em. Rose is definitely less stressful to crush on than Vriska, though.

I recently saw this quote for the first time in a while. Excited to learn which of the comic's several thousand plot points it's referencing.

@spyril4132 asked: i have seen this in my youtube recommendations and must now share [s] descend but with silvagunner's high quality nuclear rip - YouTube

Legitimately amazing, and perfectly timed.

For anyone doesn't know about Silvagunner, please take a dip down this rabbit hole.

I do wonder how she's getting physical details about the Sun. Isn't it, like, fully outside of conventional reality?

Maybe the Sun is physically real, despite being in an unreal location. Technically, that's also the case with sessions.

I do like the 'music player' metaphor from an earlier ask. You don't necessarily have to use discs - a cassette player is also a good choice, or maybe an older variety of music box.

If you want to stretch the symbolism a little, your Time Player could wield something really kooky, like an iPod Nano, MIDI keyboard, or analog radio.

(Sally the Time Player would wield Rhythm Heaven for the Nintendo DS.)

It's been years since I've watched Primer, actually. I remember enjoying it, but I don't recall enough to give a proper review. Rewatch time!

Yeah, the rules for Captcha codes are all over the place. This example implies that they hold the general idea of an object, without any 'corruption' - but when John's Ghost Dad poster was defaced, its code did change.

The implication, I guess, is that defacing a poster counts as changing its nature, but spilling oil on a pogo ride does not. It's weird.

It is odd that it's marketed as a beta. Sburb and Sgrub seem almost identical, the latter's bifurcated session notwithstanding.

The human session failed, yes - but it failed due to manipulation, sabotage, and a generous helping of terrible luck. If Gamzee prototyped one of his clown posters, Jack's regicide could just as easily have happened in Sgrub.

All that said - when it comes to software development, I'd trust Sollux over Grandpa any day. If one of those games is more stable, it's Sgrub.

Alright, that one's actually pretty great lmao

[flare-dragon]

I thought of what feels like a kinda funny Homestuck AU: Deafswap (or just Deafstuck)

Basically, instead of characters wearing glasses and being blind/low vision, they're various levels of deaf (and some would wear hearing aids)

So, with John and Jake being basically blind as a bat without their glasses, would have moderate-severe/severe hearing loss (and would use hearing aids regularly)

Jade would have moderate loss, and would mostly rely on lip reading (but I could imagine her picking up some kind of sign language)

Jane would be mild/moderate (I see her glasses as being akin to reading glasses/"old person blindness", but her having glasses from birth and being Crockerbert means vision wasn't a strong suit anyhow), and would have subtler hearing aids and use lip reading where she can (I'm...not sure why she wouldn't really know much sign, but something something mainstream habitat/class compared to the others something something batterwitch)

Dave and Dirk swear their hearing is fine ("EB: so why do you wear those lame earbuds all the time? EB: don't you know you look like a douche with them?"), but they don't even know if that's true or not. Turns out, their hearing is within average levels. They just have auditory processing disorder and the earbuds help for some reason)

Sollux is half-deaf, with one ear perfectly within average levels (perhaps sensitive?), and the other just as deaf as it gets (just low frequencies at super high levels). It very much disorients him at times.

Terezi...I have no idea. In this AU, she should become completely deaf due to Vriska's "Make Her Pay", but she was blinded by the Alternian sun. Maybe there's a creature or plant that, if you stand too close to it, your hearing just gets eviscerated? But yeah. She uses her nose and tongue to hear people. "But what about lip-reading?" This is absolutely funnier.

Vriska would have mild loss and would do everything she could to mask it. She'd still have glasses - since vision 8fold - but they'd just be aesthetics. When the cue-ball blows up and she loses the vision 8fold, that ear gains moderate loss, which she still refuses to tell people to the very end.

Equius isn't deaf at all. He just likes wearing ear muffs because protection against robot construction/destruction noises. They're also notably scuffed.

Eridan is also not deaf. Instead, he has a bunch of ear bling that comes close to looking like he's wearing hearing aids but definitely isn't. For some reason, he still wears those glasses of his.

Feferi isn't deaf by the classical definition, but her hearing is definitely different to land dwellers due to spending all her time in the water. She wears fancy-looking earplugs when she's out of the water since her hearing is extra sensitive out of the water.

(If anyone wants the dancestors and guardians, send an ask/reply/tag~ ^^)

[seabshop]

I like to think that after the events of Serial Experiments Lain, Lain wants to push away all the technological stuff that plagued her past life and pursues interests like hiking, feeding birds, climbing abandoned buildings, and collecting vinyl. Since listening to music digitally is a no-go, Lain begins to rack up a collection of record players and records (what records does she have in her collection? All of the music THAT I LIKE!!!) One day while at the record store, she overhears some commotion going on in the next aisle, she peers over and sees dave trying to play a makeshift turntable using items off the shelves while the storeowner tries to pull him off the ground but Dave is in a thick pool of bioliquid that keeps him stuck to the floor. Lain didn't really dabble in electronic music because of her history but hearing this strange boy playing such a familiar song... she stepped in to intervene. She reached her hand out to Dave and insisted she pay for the items used in his makeshift turntable. Dave completely expected to leave the record store with his face plastered on the walls in more ways than one, but no! Not only did he get out of this unscathed, He was able to get a free random access memories record!! This was the jackpot! Entirely absorbed in the record with stars in his eyes and drool going down his chin, he didn't even notice Lain was still there crouched with her head tilted, studying him. She turned her gaze towards the record in Dave's hand and asked him if that was the one with the song that he was playing in the store. Dave groggily wakes up from his dream and realizes that Lain is infront of him.

"PSSH, yeah. Its nothing. You a big daftpunk fan too?"

"Uh, no... I haven't really been down the aisle that was on. Maybe thats why we haven't seen eachother before?"

"Oh so you're a fake fan then, huh?"

"Uhm."

In Daves attempt to appear strong, it pushed Lain alittle further back into her shell and noticing this he retaliated,

"Well, If you wanna become a man of culture, I could help you out and recommend... Maybe acouple artists.."

Months pass and the two become super close, from Dave wink-wink nudging Lain to listen to Hatsune Miku and Porter Robinson to Mr strider making full blown playlists for Lain to listen to. And one day they walk down that street to revisit that record store again and Lain has to preemptively assure the store owner that Dave wont go bonkers again. Lain goes down a new aisle that she wouldn't have gone down before meeting Dave. Dave plucks a bright pink record out of the shelf and holds it up towards Lain.

"Hey, happy birthday."

"What. Dave, my birthday was like, two weeks ago?"

"I know but I thought that some really corny playlist wasn't enough and... It's cool that you add onto my raps sometimes."

Strider is looking dead at the ground but instead of pushing him, Lain just smiles and grabs the record out of his hand.

"So what artist is thi-"

THE END!!!

p.s. I'm sorry if some of this is out of character, I took a break from reading homestuck around 1200-something like 5 months ago so stuff is not fresh in my brain. But i do remember strider being a funny sharp dude who, although tries to keep up a cool front, he's got a warm side. And he'd probably gatekeep the hell out of kikuo.

[grassbreads]

im curious, whats your favorite longfic??

Oh my god anon you are enabling me so hard right now. Are we sure you're not some deep splintered section of my subconscious that split off just for the sake of sending me this ask?

Anyway, my favorite fanfiction is a Homestuck fic by oxfordroulette called Vanitas Vanitatum. This mildly pornographic novel-length fantasy au dirkjohn fic is genuinely, independent of actual Homestuck, one of my all time favorite written stories.

Vanitas Vanitatum is the third fic in a long series, but it's technically a standalone. The first fic in the series is a jadekat fantasy road trip adventure, the second one is about jadekat getting dragged into a bunch of mysterious royal intrigue at Jade's arranged marriage to Eridan, and Vanitas Vanitatum is about the aftermath of that intrigue. John Egbert ascends to the throne of their country after the death of his and Jade's evil mother in the previous fic, and he's totally fine guys! He's definitely absolutely having zero mental health troubles!

Dirk, our pov character, enters as a new member of John's secret police. He slowly befriends his new king/boss and, in doing so, begins to discover the extent to which John is totally definitely okay! He's fine Dirk so you can stop asking! And because he's Dirk Strider, when he discovers how John is struggling, he immediately wants to Fix Him. Enter a twisted mess of genuinely falling in love and horrible shadowy puppet master schemes.

Vanitas Vanitatum is the ultimate "I can fix him" romance. It is an "I can fix him" romance to the extent that Dirk's desire to "fix" John becomes one of the fic's main conflicts—in addition to John's genuine mental health crisis and the political crisis that's happening around them. If you know anything about my taste in fiction, you're probably looking at "dark fantasy story about a guy trying to unravel and understand his crush's mental health problems" and going "okay yeah. I see why Andie is obsessed with this."

If you're a Homestuck fan, even if you're not usually a DirkJohn person, I cannot recommend Vanitas Vanitatum highly enough. It's well-written, it's funny, it's heartwarming, and it's absolutely heartbreaking. The plot is twisty and, especially if you've read the rest of the series, absolutely filled with delicious dramatic irony. The way oxfordroulette writes Dirk's pov is an absolute treat. And while the fic is fairly nsfw (there's only three actual sex scenes if I remember right, but lot of discussion and thinking about sex in the interim), the real porn in this fic is the food and costume porn. The author knows what the people want, and it's decadent food descriptions and crazy fantasy royalty outfits. It's also illustrated!

Honestly, if the fic didn't require an understanding of troll romance quadrants to make any goddamn sense, I'd be recommending it to non Homestuck fans as well. It's just a really good story.

Here's the official summary:

You've determined the hobbies of the monarch you serve are as follows: 1. Ill-timed pranks. 2. Cooking. 3. Subconsciously pulling elaborate political schemes off perfectly, ad infinitum, every one of which inches his mind closer to some ineffable dark chasm you're curious to find the depth of. Anyway, he makes damn good lasagna.

Read it here :)

[melissa-titanium]

i and b for theee ask post mayhaps if i may

twirls hair in fingers smiles

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

oh my god ok okw ait. imgonna do the second for mp100, md and ln cause those are my main girls right now .

I - honestly?>?? um. a little bit for every fandom ive been in. but twitter has caused me the most grief LOL.....

id have to say homestuck first cause the homestuck fandom is just. fucking RAMPANT with people who mischaracterize.

murder drones second for the same reason but ... it's smaller so its more manageable. there's always going to be bad apples in fandom space no matter what you do unfortunately.

that is exactly why my first mission once i get into an interest is to scope out the coolest people in a fandom and get them to be my mutual. there are a bunch of people who have yet to follow back but. i am persistent. if i have you in my sights you better believe we're gonna be buddies.

for murder drones i think this was mainly ...

@ / electronix-arts @ / 400terahertz @ / randygrim @ / jamieenthusiast @ / ghoulinfuschia @ / yorkistarbomb @.t1rkras rip tirkras :( I JUST CLOSED THE TAB WITH MY LIST IN IT FUCK. ITS OKAY GUYS IF I FOLLOWED YOU THAT MEANS I THOIGHT YOU WERE AWESOME IM SORRY IF YOURE MISSING FROM THIS LIST. BAWLS. also theres a lot of other people on twitter who r cool and i hope they come to tumblr because we all know what twitters like LOLLLLLLL.....

for mob psycho. off the top of my head???

@ / bugcatcherkit @ / metukika @ / bonk-boink @ / bizarre-blues @ / percycoolguy @ my wonderful mutual bloodpopdreams on twitter. queen get out of there @ and... YOU!!!

I WAS SO FUCKING HPYED WHEN YOU FOLLOWED ME BACK U HAVE NOOOOO FUCKING IDEA.

B - ok. fuck. ok. for mp?? RITERU. breach of trust & suitablyskippys one fake relationship fic made me go absolutely fucking insane over them.

breach of trust already on its own is an INCREDIBLE fic but seeing how teru & ritsus dynamic developed without mobs influence was... so so so interesting. and suitablyskippy is just a fucking awesome writer no questions asked so their fic made me love it even more LOL.

also. i might sound insane for this one because its literally one of the most popular fucking ships but. terumob ? like. ok . i know. but i didnt interact with the fandom until after i finished the damn show & didnt pick up on ANY of the undertones of their interactions so it came out of complete left field to me as the most popular ship.

my immediate thought was oh its going to be a johndave situation or something where ekurei was the most popular but then serirei took its place. but i was completely fucking wrong LOL.

BUT YEAH im not insane over terumob but i think they r funny if done right :))

FOR MD... um. genuinely nothing. LOL. the fandom has done a shit ass job of convincing me to like ANY pairings, platonic or otherwise. in fact its steered me away from alot of them.

i genuinely liked nuzi until seeing a lot of the discourse around it LOL...

to be fair i am not a big shipper. i see romantic relationships from a purely analytical point of view because a) autism, and b) aroace.

BUT IN SHORT...i don't HATE all murder drones pairings, i just like to see them through my own personalized lens without any fandom influence :)

LITTLE NIGHTMARES IS DIFFERENT CAUSE. LIKE. ??? ROMANCE?? DUDE HALF OF THE CHARACTERS ARE CHILDREN AND THE OTHER HALF ARE MONSTERS TRYING TO EAT THEM. THE KIDS ARE TOO BUSY TRYING TO SURVIVE AND NOT STARVE TO DEATH AND THE ADULTS/MONSTERS ARE TOO BUSY TRYING TO K I L L T H E C H I L D RE N . AINT GOT NO TIME FOR ROMANCE !!!!!!!!! BUT in terms of platonic pairings. the fandom didnt really change my opinion on any BUT im in the middle of reading a reaaaally good fic that expands on flashlight girl's character (called flicker in this fic,) and explores the idea of runaway kid & six having a dynamic. it's super fun & INCREDIBLY well written and im very sad for when i finish reading it cause its unfinished and was last updated in 2022 </3

WHEW this was long HELPPPPPPPP. THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS ASK IM GIGLGIGN <3333

[brits4gerardway]

i'm never on anon :3 hello!!

okay so here are my 3 questions

1: fav movie ?

2: best mcr album in your opinion ?

3: ever read homestuck ?

HIIII!!!!! TY FOR THE ASK :3

(this will probably be a long post because the first two questions evoke massive ramble urges within me)

1: FAVE MOVIE AHHHHGGH I really like The Shining 😭 I have a jack torrance funko pop :33 but also One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest crushes my soul in a good way (i like watching old movies) BUT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I RLLY LOVED SUICIDE SQUAD THAT WAS SUCH A SILLY TIME FOR ME (not a fan of jared's joker though sorry guys) margot robbie's harley quinn you will always be famous🫶🫶

tbh now that I think of it I have a lot of favourite movies and i'm a nerd for this kinda stuff which doesn't really help my case (has took BTEC media and is also going to do A-level film studies) ,,, FUCK,,, I'll just name some more favs!!!!!

Joker 2019, The Dark Knight, Birds Of Prey, Melanie Martinez K-12, American Psycho, The Crow, Girl Interrupted, MCR Life On The Murder Scene ((IF THAT EVEN COUNTS)), Pearl (I'M A STAAAAARRR!! D:), La La Land, Corpse Bride, Coraline and also Studio Ghibli films like Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle :D there are probably some i've missed but for everyone's sake i'll stop there

2: this will always be the most difficult question ever to me because I love all of them so much equally and they're all great fucking albums that mean the WORLD to me,, statistically it's The Black Parade which is the best and it's sososososo good 🤤🤤🤤 but ngl I'm a massive Conventional Weapons lover even if it's not technically an album . BURN BRIGHT SAVE US BURN BRIGHT WE SAY IN UNISON🔥🔥🔥 but ACTUALLY albumwise I'm stuck between Bullets and Three Cheers I LOVE CONCEPTY ALBUMS AND DEEP LYRICS SO MUCHJSJDJD AND THEN THE UNDERRATED OVERHATED DELECTABLE MASTERPIECE OF DANGER DAYS EXISTS TOO WITH THAT SILLY CONCEPT AND SHIT I'VE SAID THEM ALL.

but bullets. i think. for now. yeah❤️ (I change my mind every time I think about it)

3: I read a teeny bit of homestuck back in 2020 but I never continued for some reason I totally forgot why 😭 I REMEMBER THE KARKALICIOUS SONG THOUGH THAT SHIT GOES HARD

I loved doing this instead of sleeping<33 take this pretty yet blurred swarm gerard image as a cheers to anyone who read all that

[p1nkc4tb0t]

OK GUYS IMMA GO ON A RANT ABT THE NOVEL UNWIND, OK? OK.

HOLY SHIT.

guys it was so fucking good i swear.

ok so yeah, warning spoilers n shit. yeah.

ok so i really like the concept of the whole Bill of Life thing, unwinding especially.

like holy smokes was it good.

OK SO IK ITS NOT THE MOST POPULAR NOVEL I DONT THINK SO FOR MY MOOTS WHO R SEEING THIS THIS IS THE GENERAL CONCEPT: since abortions r banned pretty much, ppl either “stork” unwanted children or “unwind” children when they became unwanted. like the story starts off abt three unwinds, being unwound for completely different reasons. Connor was like, a troublesome kid and his parents just didn’t want that so they signed the orders to get him unwound. i missed why Risa was unwound but im pretty sure the state house just didn’t have much room for her anymore(she got storked there i think. she really didn’t grab my attention at the beginning sadly). Lev came from a Christian family, and churches make everyone sacrifice one of their children for God by unwinding them second they turn 13, Lev being one of them(it’s considered an honor)

OK SO the concept of storking is that, the mother delivers a child, doesn’t want it, leaves it at some person’s doorstep and then it’s “finders keepers.” however if they are caught they have to take the kid back and legally obliged to keep it. same with the finders keepers situation, got storked and ain’t no one at ur doorstep? legally obliged to keep it like it or not. however Connor’s parents once got storked and passed it into the neighbors house, and the baby rotated for a week and back to their house, but already sick and dying. Connor then gets traumatized and further on in the book he’s so overridden with the memory that when a bitch got storked she yell at them (Connor abd Risa) to take it back even tho the kid wasn’t theirs.

the concept of unwinding is that legally between 13-18 your guardians can send you to a harvest camp where you’re taken apart and given these parts to those who need it. like for example: you got unwound, taken to a harvest camp, they take your hands and give it to a guy who lost his across the fucking continent. ppl literally stopped trying to cure things, just replaced faulty organs with healthy ones. and no one really knows what’s going on in those harvest camps. do they kill you off immediately or do they wait and wait for weeks on weeks to get to you while you never know when’s your last day.

SO ANYWAY

I really like Connor’s relationship with Hayden, and tbh if they would make them canonically in love i’d be the happiest person on this planet. but again that would cause even further complications w the plot so i get it ig. but at the same time i don’t. Connor never really struck me as a cishet dude even from the beginning of the story, and though him abd Risa r a very good pair i’d just kinda like it more if they paired him up with Hayden. cuz first of all it would add on to tge reason he got unwound in the first place. abd like, i want a gay protagonist in a horror book is that really too much to ask?

same thing with Lev and CyTy, tho i see them more as moirails. yk, homestuck. heheh. no bc they’re so caring for eachother it’s crazy. but again i don’t see them in a romantic relationship, i just rlly like their dynamic. live laugh love how Lev was willing to go through with CyTy’s shit and vice versa.

Hayden and CyTy gotta b my fab characters frfr. anyway so CyTy’s name is actually Cyrus, but he has an eighth of a brain of a kid who got unwound and his name was Tyler. so like, he sometimes does things that Tyler would do but himself won’t, leading them to Tyler’s parents’ house and it actually made me tear up.

ALSO RISA IS AN EMO GINGER. NOT DEBATABLE. I DO NOT CARE IF IT CAN NEVER B CANON, I LIVE FOR EMO GINGER RISA.

GUYS THIS BOOK IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GO READ IT

i NEED to make a Homestuck Unwind AU

(imma just tag 4 moots i think would find this interesting @hiddencattoes @kovuspams @r3z1l1c1ous @imgoingtoeatyourfirstbornchild sorry guys this felt necessary)

[qprsmackdown]

what submissions have the most convincing propaganda: rather for being silly or being serious

hi anon. mod zazie here. i read through every single one of the submissions to answer this because i am insane. and the results are as follows ^-^

techno & phil fans are INSANE over "for you phil, the world!!" as they should be!! i, too, read bunfloras' phil & techno fics. but even if i didnt already know who emeraldduo was, you all have VERY GOOD propaganda. Immortal lifelong best friends... <3

dsmp fans i love you im holding out my hand to you in a gesture of friendship. hello. both mods are also mcyt fans and dsmp fans. we know abt characters vs ccs. we also despise cc!dream. you are safe here. im sorry that previous polls have traumatized you :((

c!tubbo/c!ranboo fans also fucking turned out you have VERY convincing propaganda

ive never read the locked tomb, know nothing of the characters, but to the submitters who sent in Camilla Hect and Palamedes Sextus youve convinced me. VERY good job. where can i find your media i need to learn more. no like fr

jrwi fans are you okay. good lord /pos. also youll be pleased to know WE HAVE NOT ONE BUT TWO SUBMISSIONS OF THE GREATER MANA POLYCULE

to the etho/skizz fan who submitted an essay. hi. i think youre so right for putting them in a httyd au. very convincing propaganda. also are you okay.

hi silmarillion fans. do you need hot cocoa.

jrwi fans are literally so not normal about their guys. sorry to call you out but oh my god not a single one of you is normal /pos. its great.

not a fnaf fan but "Theyre also both canonically queer, if that helps. That has nothing to do with the lobotomies or the dying and being revived as a soulless walking corpse, though." is the sentence of all time. i hope whoever wrote that is doing well.

good evening to the homestuck fan who wrote jake & dirk propaganda so convincing that for a moment i wanted to go check out their media only to remember its Homestuck and ONLY to the homestuck fan who wrote jake & dirk propaganda so convincing that for a moment i wanted to go check out their media only to remember its Homestuck.

we've been over the jesus christ/mary magdalene submission but did you know apparently there's actual evidence to back it up? lots of it in fact? i did not expect to read that tonight (for future reference slash in case you're curious i am an atheist & cycad is christian)

the little women fan has some SERIOUS propaganda. my respect o7

hello to the autistic sp (south park) fan who wrote a genuine essay on kenny mccormick and eric cartman. wish you well (and like, we got a voltron submission as well. i dont know either of those shows/fandoms at all besides vague knowledge that they're not great but eh we're here to have fun. who cares (this is in response to you mentioning you didnt know if sp was allowed (i dont know actually youd have to ask cycad but im like 95% sure its fine (can you tell i have adhd))))

GIGOLAS FAN SPOTTED. they didnt write a lot of propaganda but HELL YEAH WE GOT SOME LOTR FANS HERE. theyre so qpr to me you dont even KNOW

i didnt even think about link/zelda being a qpr before this but you have convinced me. youre so right. they Are

besties who drink poison together STAY together!!! (merlin and arthur). fuck yeah baby!!! i have never seen merlin bbc

oh moirails are a homestuck thing i saw those in our asks and was unsure what they were

CANON QPR IN FABLE SMP? oh i need to check that out. fable smp fans ik this is a long shot but if anyone wants to give me reccomendations for where to start watching.

hiya qsmp fans. no need to worry you have turned out in both numbers AND propaganda. wowzers.

we have One submission for q!quackbur but now im wondering why no one has submitted c!quackbur. theyre literally homoeretic business rivals whose relationship could be viewed as platonic or romantic. smh

Roman and Youngblood from Roleslaying with Roman have very dedicated fans.

divorce quartet the divorced qp polycule ever but also im very biased. (both scott/cleo and scott/martyn were submitted multiple times)

we have some very fun ocs & real life qp relationships and im so here for it.

oh hey lifesteal smp i know those guys. wow damn theyre kinda fucked up arent they.

POLYARCHIVES SUPREMACY <3 BASEDBASEDBASED

POLYMECHS SUPREMACY ALSO SO BASED

Hi. Person who submitted both jesus/mary magdalene and now hamlet/ophelia. I love you. You are here to cause CHAOS and i for one applaud you for it. Can we kiss /j

[kingofdersecest-2]

i want to ask your thoughts on which homestuck ships do you think should have been canon at the end of homestuck?

Whoo boy. I could be a smartass and say something like "Every girl gets with Dave" because Dave is the best partner for every girl, and I can prove it with science and logic. Or I could say Dersecest, cause thats my OTP. But ill take this more seriously and look to what I think could be the ships closest to canon that arent just fucked up. Let GOOOOOOOO. Ships I like DaveJade - Yep, we're starting off strong with this one. Good ole fashioned Davejade. They like each other, have good history together, have good on-screen history too. They kinda got together in HS2, but in this version theres no dog dick, they do have Yiffany, though they call her Ruby instead. They have a nice satisfying life together. Good vibes. JohnRoxy - More good vibes. Sometimes just having two people who genuinely like each other and have good chemistry is all you need in a ship. You dont need problematic or spicy ships. Neither of them are trans obviously, because as it turns out, letting someone who finds a candy bar in a cave somewhere randomly change the gender identity of a character is retarded, actually. VrisRezi - Toxic co-dependant girlfriend ships LESSSSGOOOOO. Terezi and Vriska are in such a weird fucking will they/wont they phase throughout the entire comic. They did kind of get together, at least dead versions of them, who I think just died? I dont remember. Anyway, yeah the living versions get together and make each other miserable and happy at the same time. Meerkat - HS2 sold me on this ship. I dont know why, but I like Meenah and karkat together for some reason. Ships I dont like, but canon circumstances would make them get together anyway. Rosemary - Ugh...the worst ship in homestuck. The boring spice lesbians. The ship that expects you to have read every rosemary fic on Ao3 to stand in for the ships development because theres hardly any in canon, and these motherfuckers got married. As if the canon stuff wasnt boring, the meta about these two creates the most insane discourse. Rose is bisexual, but thats often erased to make her full gay. Kanaya is.....a member of an alien race that does not even know what a lesbian is, but somehow still is one. Yeah, sure ok. Kanaya's questionable sexuality breaks the lore of her own species. Thats impressive. DirkJake - My two least favorite characters in homestuck. I hate dirk and jake, so naturally they should be together. Characters I couldnt figure out, so they are forever alone. Jane - Man, I used to like Jane. Then the writers caught Trump Derangement Syndrome and decided to turn her into him for some fucking reason. I have no sympathy for the Homestuck 2 team and they deserved every bad thing that happened to them for the travesty that was Jane's character assassination. Fuck em. Pre-HS 2 Jane was awesome and she was so goddamn cute when she blushed at Dave saying she was hot. I think DaveJane is a good ship, but he is with Jade. Idk, maybe they can share him. Is that weird? Probably! Jane is too good for Jake because he sucks. And theres no one else i like with her. So yeah.