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xviruserrorx · 2 years ago

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Title: "Love Out Of Plain Sight"

Because the author (me) is incompetent and cannot pace or restrain myself at all, my wonderful giftee (Adam) is going to get a two in one gift! Uh... Yeah long story short I have been writing your (hi Adam 😃👋) gift but I was like "No, this is THEE jewishadammilligan (also I should just mention now I may have squealed when I saw who I got) they deserve extravagance!" And then shortly regretted that as the fic got really long... Kinda freaked out, contacted the amazing @klayr-de-gall (who is running this awesome event might I add midamgiftexchange2022) which they handled frazzled and sporadic me so amazing and they gave me a grace period then as I pulled two all nighters writing I realized I still would not have enough time even with the grace period so, TA-DA double the gifts!

I wrote this rather quickly and no beta so I apologize if there's any Grammer mistakes. But I really hope you like it, your original "extravagance" gift written specifically for you is still being written as fast as I can write and hopefully I will get it to you within the week! Enjoy!!!!

Gifted to: @jewishadammilligan

Fandom: Supernatural

Prompt(s): "Fluff or silly AU's"

Relationship(s): Adam Milligan/Michael

Character(s): Adam Milligan, Michael (archangel)

Important tag(s): Bartender Adam Milligan, Fluff, Dash of angst, Accidental Engagement, Canon Divergence

Rating: Gen

Warning(s): No Archive Warnings Apply, Drinking, mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 4,086

With a ducked head, he hesitantly brought the glass to his mouth with a brief pause before taking a sip. "We're… engaged?"

Adam reached to grab the empty shot glass and caught another glance of the ring around his finger, It was a simple small band but its presence was felt and known. He shrugged. "Why not?"

Adam gets his "little job" but even then, that brings its own unexpected occurrences when your boyfriend is an Archangel.

Continue reading below or over on Ao3

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Something more than noise always accompanied Adam where he went. The sounds of his childhood were like pollen off of flowers, sticking and serving as a reminder of where things had once been and once were. He could find familiarity in them—comfort even.

But the sounds of a bar were far from that.

The constant clink of glasses against one another, against the wood of the table tops, or ice sloshing around. There was a constant buzz of minor sounds that clouded over the hum of chatter in the background. Though despite that, the bar quickly became a place of familiarity along with the noises that inhabited the space.

The only new and interrupting noises were coming from Adam.

A soft hum escaped his mouth to the tune of a song as he absentmindedly danced to it. Everything known as, rhythmically, he moved along to his own beat, chopping away at the limes on his cutting board.

The ones that weren't rolled were pushed off to the side as he did so to the ones that needed it. An alarming perfume, tangent from the pungent smell of sweet citrus that layered over the warm amber of the bar, stuck to his hands. A scent that would carry on long after he left for home.

Everyone, he found, was too busy in their own engagements to give a curious eye towards the humming and dancing of the bartender. Allowing him to do more than hum or move much to his own enjoyment just as much as Michael's.

Something that Michael, himself, thought nobody knew he was secretly thankful for�� Much like his ignorance towards the specific song Adam had been humming for weeks with no end in sight. From the second he woke up, picked between the black combination of tie and waistcoat or bowtie and suspenders to the moment he stripped away his clothes at the end of the night before bed.

Much something, one and the same, if not already known, Adam very much knew of as well.

The odd mix of admiration in Michael's face but deep annoyance in his posture had kept Adam from concealing his smile around him for the lengthy time the tune had kept its space in his head. The catchy melody, on his lips in every situation even if deemed so inappropriate, or in a matter that definitely did not call for a song.

All things that kept him well entertained as he continued to cut lemons and limes.

He took a spin, still with the knife in hand, coming face to face with Michael. Eyes followed his every move but with that known something else Adam loved to poke and prod at.

"What?" He questioned, playing innocent.

Michael took a deep resounding sigh and shook his head. "Nothing."

"That look isn't nothing," He chided him, haphazardly waving around the knife.

Michael all but rolled his eyes. "That song you were humming," He said, but kept his eyes on the knife as it sliced through the lime and hit the board.

"What about it?" He looked up from the last lime he was cutting into, receiving a done look from Michael. He chuckled. "Oh come on, you love it."

"I hate it."

"It's amazing!"

"It's terrible."

"It's the best thing ever created, Michael," Adam exclaimed.

Michael scoffed. "I could argue with creation."

"Well then—Ow!" The knife clattered down as he raised his index finger to his mouth. Blood stained the skin when he pulled back to take a look at the deep gash across his finger. A small moan of pain escaped as he put it back to his mouth in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

Michael held out his hand instantly. "Let me."

He obliged, laying his hand in Michael's. A single finger was lightly brushed over the gash. The skin instantly healed, leaving behind only the trace of blood and phantom pain as evidence of it ever being there.

"Better?" He lightly brushed over his finger again as he looked up at him.

Adam smiled. "Yeah." Taking his hand back as Michael retreated his own hands, he eyed the area where the skin had stitched itself back together.

Though his awe of the situation was quickly interrupted by the ring of the bell above the bar door. A man dressed in a suit and coat trudged in, making a beeline for the bar.

"Crap," he hissed under his breath. He quickly cleaned up his mess and washed his hands before turning back to Michael. "We're not finished."

He threw the towel in hand halfway to hang over his shoulder as he made his way over to the man. "What can I get for you, Sir?"

The man didn't so much as bother with his coat as he sat down at the first chair he approached. "Whiskey—neat, please."

"You got it." He pulled a clean glass and turned to grab the correct bottle from the bottom shelf. "Rough day?" He questioned, trying to make small talk.

The man scoffed. "You could say that."

He poured and then pushed the drink forward as it came to the line. "There you go."

"Thanks."

He shot Michael a smile as he got back to what he was originally doing before. He grabbed the last of the lime wedges he had cut, squeezing them into the awaiting drink he had been preparing.

But before he could even reach for another, he heard the telltale sound of an empty glass hitting the bar top.

"Another, please."

He wiped his hands on the towel before walking back over to the man and doing as asked. "Sure, you're alright, sir?" He slid the re-filled drink back towards the man.

The man hung his head, his eyes red and far away as he asked, "Have you ever been in love?"

"Once," Adam answered. "The other time it was more… walking beside it."

The man sniffed. "Better than falling." He let go of the glass and reached into his coat pocket, pulling out something and depositing it on the bar top. "Been holding onto that for months… but I guess I wasn't quick enough."

Adam stayed quiet and continued to listen as he looked down at the discarded ring band that glimmered under the dull lighting of the bar.

"Twelve years… down the drain, all just because I came home early." He shook his head in disbelief with a tight pained grin. "If it's one thing, take love by the hand while it's still beside you." He brought the glass to his lips and downed its contents in one go.

Adam stayed still as the man pulled out his wallet and left more than enough for what he drank.

"Keep the change." He stood from the chair and started to make his way toward the door.

"Sir!" Adam called, he picked up the ring still on the bar top. "You forgot this."

The man gave him a somber smile and a nonchalant wave of his hand. "Keep it. I think you'll find more use for it than I ever will." The chime of the bell on top of the door followed him out into the night.

Adam twisted the ring between his fingers. The metal caught the light with a glimmer before he pocketed the object. He spared another glance towards Michael with a smile before grabbing the empty glass. "What's that look for?"

Michael's eyes widened. "Hm?"

"That look," he stated. He grabbed the drink he had been working on and walked back towards him. "You act like I don't see it every time anyone sits here."

"And that is?"

"If looks could kill, Michael. These poor guys." He shook his head. Though almost like it were yesterday, vibrant memories flashed in his head of instances where a single look from Michael was someone's death. "I take that back actually." He quickly countered. "No smiting any of my customers."

"Unless none of them are demons, there won't be any smiting of your customers," he soothed.

"Thank you. Now—" Adam placed the glass he had in hand in front of him. "Drink up." He smiled.

Michael all but glanced at it for a brief second as though it was a plague before looking back and cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh, come on, humor me," Adam pleaded.

"This stuff will kill you."

"But not you. Try it, I made it special." He scooched the glass an inch closer with a finger.

Michael gave him a wary look before picking up the drink and giving the liquid a few swishes around the glass. "Special?" He questioned.

"Mhm," he hummed. "Special."

The glass was raised to the light as Michael contemplated the mixed drink. He lowered it with another glance inside and towards Adam who beamed a smile and wiggled his eyebrows. Taking an uneasy breath, Michael took a decent-sized drink.

"Well…?" Adam proded. "Are the molecules any good?"

He brought the glass a safe distance away from himself, licked his lips, furrowed his eyebrow, and cocked his head to the side. "It's… sweet?" He swallowed, his tongue moving in his mouth as unrecognized flavors danced, masking themselves behind ones he could distinguish.

"Well, then that's good for you." Adam bit his lip at his reaction.

Michael cleared his throat, grimacing at the aftertaste. "What is that?"

Adam shrugged his shoulders as if he hadn't been the one to make it. He made sure to leave him hanging as he saw one of the guys sitting at the far table stand and make his way toward the bar.

"My little mystery for you, figure it out."

He slung the towel back over his shoulder and walked towards the guy. "What can I get you?"

"Four shots of vodka and three cokes."

"Coming right up." He got to collecting everything he needed.

The young man leaned against the counter. "Are you new here?"

The comment caught him off guard but he continued, keeping up conversation and doing the task at hand as best he could. "Yeah, just started a couple of days ago."

The man gestured back at the table he had been at. "Me and my friends are regulars here, you could say."

"Guess I'll be seeing a lot of you then." Adam pushed a polite smile.

"And you as well."

Adam gave a curt nod before sliding the shots his way. "Here you go."

The man grabbed the extra shot and took it down, passing the glass back. "Say… when does your shift end?"

Adam froze. "Excuse me?" He jerked up the coke he was serving as he missed the glass towards the end.

"I mean, could I take you somewhere once you're able to get out of here?"

"Oh…." He said, letting it sink in. "Oh! Uh, I…."

"Were you…?

"No, I—um…" He panicked. He fumbled with the ring in his pocket. His last-second decision of his judgement failed him as he shimmied the ring on his ring finger in his pocket. He raised his hand to clearly see the band. "I'm—I'm taken."

He saw Michael visibly choke on his drink out of the corner of his eye. He tried not to grin as he peaked over before letting his eyes fall back on the customer in front of him. "I'm sorry if I…"

The man shook his head. "No, don't, I apologize. You didn't do anything of the sort. Should had know a good-looking guy like you would already be taken."

He watched Michael bristle at his comment again.

"Engaged? Married?" The man questioned.

He turned the band around his finger with his thumb. "Uh, engaged—newly." He slid the ready-poured drinks towards him.

"Congrats. Lucky guy." He grabbed the drinks and left with a smile back to his table.

Adam let out a slow exhale. "Not a demon. Can't kill him either, Michael," he chided him for safety measures. He ran a cloth over the counter from the few drops that had split. He smiled to himself before looking over, expecting the same look back from Michael but instead just saw the opposite.

His glance was locked in one spot on the counter, not breaking even when he brought up his hand and rubbed it over his mouth before going back to the glass. His posture and everything screaming flashing red lights had Adam worried about how to approach it.

"Michael?" He waited for a look, an answer—something, before closing the distance between them. He pushed the cloth aside as he leaned in and lowered his voice. "Hey," he snapped his fingers a few times. "Earth to Michael."

Michael's attention snapped back to him. "Sorry…" he shook his head.

"Where were you?"

"Here… always," he answered.

Adam smiled. "With me?"

"With you." He held the glass from the rim and gently swishes it around.

Adam tilted his head. "You okay?"

"Okay," Michael repeated. Words lacking any and all emotion. With a ducked head, he hesitantly brought the glass to his mouth with a brief pause before taking a sip. "We're… engaged?"

Adam reached to grab the empty shot glass and caught another glance of the ring around his finger, It was a simple small band but its presence was felt and known. He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Why not?" Michael repeated again, a chuckle edging on disbelief as he shook his head. "Shouldn't this at least be… proper then?" He took a drink, eyebrows furrowed both from his question and the still unknown flavour in his sweetened drink.

"I mean most people get engaged a few years after dating. What's ten… hundred years?"

Michael put down his glass, pushing it a small distance away from himself with disdain. "Dating?"

"Nonsensical terms." Adam waved his hand. "All this really. Rings, vows, the whole getting down on one knee and clandestine white weddings." Despite his claims of nonsense though, he looked off with something wanting. Knowing that was always what he had imagined for himself all through his life before everything happened. "Just something created for one person's used and pushed on everybody else."

Michael cocked his head, an all too knowing look on his face complete with a small content smile. "Nonsense you say?"

"Nonsense, Michael. Full of it."

"You haven't taken it off." He remarked with a gesture towards his hand.

Adam put his hand straight out in front of him, allowing the ring to catch the dim lights of the bar as he admired the ring with a small wiggle of his fingers. "I think it looks quite good, don't you?" He lowered his hand and showed it to Michael.

"If I agree?"

"You did put a ring on it."

"Technically you put that ring on yourself," Michael corrected.

He waved his hand. "Same thing, angel."

Michael tilted his head, eyebrows in that worrying position again like Adam had seen so many of the angels do before; just never Michael in so many instances. His gaze, temporarily lost in his unwanted drink while Adam stopped in his actions.

"Does it mean the same thing?" He earnestly asked.

Adam froze in what he was doing. Hating that despite Michael being the first-born archangel the whole knowing humans before their creations and watching them from the beginning of time, he still asked questions that at times reminded Adam that he was in fact an angel. Though at the same time, he began to wonder if it didn't make him all that different from an everyday human being. Questioning what he held a lack of understanding for; love, feelings…. Things that Adam wished he could ask as so plain and simple about.

He took a deep breath. "No, Michael, it doesn't. That's just how these types of things work."

"These types of things?" He repeated in a question.

"You, Me—" he smiled. "Us…. This." He gestured around at their surroundings. "Everything, Michael."

"It's hard to understand all of this sometimes."

He chuckled. "I'm not the wisest of teachers either."

"I wouldn't have anyone else, or rather can't… you're the only one who knows you after all," he admitted.

Adam smiled. "And you?"

"I'm learning."

"Then… us?" He asked.

Michael shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

"If I do?"

"Then explain it to me."

"Fine." Adam wiggled the ring off his finger and leaned over the counter, grabbing Michael's left hand in his. He cleared his throat. "Michael… you don't have a last name do you?"

"Celestial being," he stated. "And that's what is worrying you right now?"

"Yes, and it's a good thing I have one then," Adam remarked. "Uh…" he aimlessly waved his hand, "something about love and togetherness—"

"Togetherness?" He questioned.

"Hush, I've only ever seen this done in movies."

Michael ducked his head, hiding a smile in his glass.

Adam sighed. "What do people say when they propose?" He suddenly wished he had watched all those soppy romance drama movies with his mom.

Michael put down his glass. "Is that what you're doing? Proposing?"

"Do you need me down on one knee too?" Adam teased.

Michael cocked his head with an amused grin.

Adam shook his head, a warm chuckle escaping his mouth as his grip on Michael's hand tightened. He took a breath. "I'm proposing… that we've been together for hundreds of years, locked in a place I never really saw the true horrors of thanks to you. We only had each other and I… care about you, and even though this ring means nothing, you mean something—everything to me. So—" he raised the ring, "will you take my proposition?"

A grin was placed on Michael's face nonetheless, but a hint of confusion was buried underneath something Adam didn't know.

"With careful consideration?" Michael half questioned. Hesitance hanging for a drop and catch of reassurance.

Adam shifted his hold, gripping his hand tighter with a smile. "I wouldn't know any other way from you."

"And if I say yes?"

"Yes? Then this—" he raised the ring, "—will belong there—" he tapped Michael's ring finger.

He watched his expression change into something unreadable, leaving his heart to jump with worry that his mind pushed aside….

Then Michael spoke.

"If it doesn't belong there?" The question was as nonchalant as could be.

Adam gasped for a breath he didn't realize he has completely exhaled at Michael's words. "Oh… well, I—"

"No," Michael lightly chuckled over his sputtering. "This." He grabbed the ring from him in one hand and Adam's left hand in the other before sliding the ring back onto his finger.

"Oh."

"Like you said. It looks quite good there."

Adam straightened back up once his heart had found Its place and his breath had returned. "It does, doesn't it? Nice fit." He gave another small wiggle of his fingers, the cold band rubbing against the insides of his pinky and middle finger.

Michael scoffed a laugh. "What did I say yes to exactly? Loving you is understandable but I know marriage is usually tied in."

"Not fond of the whole commitment thing?"

He tilted his head for a second. "I'd rather not engage in anything that has to do with my father."

"Most people don't," Adam explained. "We'll just elope."

Michael caved. "I'll bite. Where?"

He shrugged. "Anywhere."

"Anywhere to me means a matter of things," he informed.

"Well, usually people do Vegas or something, not Mars or the Milky Way…. Not that I'm complaining or anything."

Michael smiled. "Whatever you wish."

Adam smiled in the moment but found it cut short as the bell above the door once again yanked his attention to look. He straightened and gave a friendly but curt wave to the older man coming in the door as he recognized him from the previous days he had worked.

He turned back to Michael. "Well, until then…" He ducked behind the bar and came up with something in hand. "I have another customer." He reached over and pushed a strawberry on the rim of his glass. "Fiancé."

He watched Michael's eyes on the strawberry before he looked back at him with a criticizing look from the newly placed nickname.

"Yeah, I know, felt weird for me too. Remind me to never do that again."

Michael nodded. "Will do."

He pushed himself away and over to the older man. "Same thing?" He questioned, receiving a single nod back.

He went through the steps in his head as he finished making the drink. "Try that." He set it down in front of him.

The man took a long sip before putting it back down. "Perfect," he said.

Adam mentally applauded himself, letting a bright smile shine through at his self-satisfaction.

"See, told you you'd get it down with a few times for practice."

"Fast learner," he boasted. Though he knew it had taken him multiple attempts plus practice during his free time and much feedback from Michael and his 'tastes like molecules' to get it in drinkable condition. If the previous days were any proof of too much of one thing or too little of another.

The man's eyes widened. "That's new?" He pointed to his hand.

Adam looked down, smiled. "It is." He pretended to be casual about, maybe even forgetful about the ring around his finger despite the fact that it had all happened within the span of the last hour.

"Well look at you. Who's the lucky person?" He questioned.

Adam twisted the ring and took a brief glance over to Michael who was more preoccupied with staring at his drink. He smiled. "I am…"

The older man raised his glass. "Congrats."

All he wanted to do was rush home and to be alone with Michael how things once were and always had been. Just each other and nothing else. But first, he still had something to do.

He finished and walked back over to Michael. "Figured it out?" He looked towards the glass.

Michael wore a soft smile. "Strawberry…" he announced. He tapped and traced the rim of his glass with his middle finger. "It was strawberry."

He leaned into his space, lowering his voice for just them. "If you're right?"

Michael cocked an eyebrow. "A reward?" He questioned.

Adam grinned, he reached over and plucked the strawberry from the glass, taking a bite of half of it before leaning back over and holding out the other half for Michael.

Mischief played on Adam's lips, something Michael could hardly miss. His eyes never once left; a gaze like desire yet to be broken as he took the offering from his fingers.

Adam's left hand went over Michael's, the now prominent ring joining both of them together before back to each other. He brought his non-occupied hand back, dropping the leaves and stem to the side and licking the juices from where the strawberry had been between his thumb and forefinger. Tied eye contact not breaking to anything that dared to call attention.

Michael swallowed and licked his lips. "If I'm wrong?" He asked.

Adam cocked his head, sporting a faux expression of contemplation more to tease and play than anything. "Don't you want to know." His words were anything but a question.

"Do I?"

He always figured change was tied in with life-altering choices like proposing or marriage. But this—Michael, was anything but change; a warm wave of nostalgia that was there and always meant to be there.

Michael turned his hand, giving Adam more access to thread their fingers together. Both of their holds on another tightened for a pulse of breath before loosening yet still firm, neither one of them letting go.

And like a fish with a hook in its mouth, fighting against the line, reeling closer as the waves moved with gentle ease that was otherwise so; they were both weak. They had caught each other looking for the same thing but found one another, pulling and fighting for the unknown at the end of the line until they faced what they knew all along that had led them to be so weak.

Adam's attention was tied to the slight tilt of Michael's head and that subtle upward curve of his lips. A gentle taunt as Michael studied Adam just as close as well. The way his hand flew and went in every which direction with every word he spoke, or even his bright light-up-the-world smile that shined every moment it could.

And in the end, he did just that, both of them aware of the other and everything in between, he cocked his head and smiled…

#virusfanfic #midam gift exchange 2022 #midamgiftexchange2022 #supernatural #midam #adam milligan #michael spn #supernatural fanfiction #bartender!adam #bartender adam milligan #there was a couple post a couple months back of adam being a bartender so thats where i kinda got the idea for this

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whoseafraidofliloleme · 2 years ago

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I AM HERE FOR THE SECOND TIME TODAY AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY!!! FIRST OFF I LOVED EVERYTHING ABT THIS STORY!!!!

the actual enemies (or at least very bitter rivals) to lovers, the drama, the chois showing up all of a sudden like what???? it was better than i could have expected

i think this yn is my fave yn so far. which is saying a lot but she felt so real!! her struggles with her self-esteem and learning that she's nore than what her family told her to be and that she deserves to be loved and cherishes both platonically and romantically <333

AND I HAD SMTH ELSE TO SAY ABT ONE CHAPTER IN PARTICULAR BUT I! CAN'T! REMEMBER!!!

anyways i think i said pretty much all i needed to say in the tags but i loved this smau sm <3 fave character obviously our dear ynwon shipper. or beomgyu. actually it's probs beomgyu i love him <33

a final question: why did you decide to add beomgyu, yeonjun and soobin? did you have it planned from the start, like them specifically? and who was YOUR favorite character??

i'll be reading your new(ish) ynwon au probably not tomorrow but the day after bc i'm gonna have a busy day (9h & a half of classes and then i'm going to a 2010 pop themed party! fun!!)

as always, have a good night and i hope you're doing ok <3 if you're ever not, you can always talk to me <33

ITS ME, HI IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME!! *ANTI HERO BEING MY ANTHEM SAYS A LOT ABOUT ME*

Moving on from that, I'm glad you loved the story so much. It's always wonderful to know that readers love what I write. Like yeah I mainly wrote for myself but the praise tho I feel it's unneeded (I'm always gonna be finding things I couldve done better 😂).

Honestly this story really took a life of its own. I say that with every smau tbh, I start with one idea and then by the end it's a different but still somehow similar idea that I started it 😂.

I'm so glad this YN is ur fave. She's struggling so much even if everything was okay cause her inner demons were always there, they didn't disappear and her learning to lean on those around her, accept that she is loved and cared for was very important to me.

I also was very cautious in that I didn't villainize YN for these very real feelings that everyone feels.

God knows I've been through moments of self hatred and I wanted to show that it's never as bad as you think. You might think your all alone but there is always someone there for you to talk to. I know that YN frustrated readers when she let her insecurities get in the way of her happiness but that is a reality that sometimes you get so in your head that you think what your doing is best when it isn't.

Sorry went on a whole tangent abt this YN 😂😅.

I loved your reactions in the tags, pls don't stop them, they were the best and I need them for every story now 😂😂.

Beomgyu was his chaotic self and I loved him for it 😂. @nyxtwixx being your fave character cracks me up honestly.

Oooh good question. I don't necessarily plan my smaus tbh. I just have the rough idea then it's chapter by chapter. Which if you've noticed is why chapter titles tend to change quite a bit cause I change my mind or this one idea doesn't work but this other idea for the next chapter works better.

I love txt and Soobin is my bias so I was always going to include him. Yeonjun and Beomgyu kinda just came along too. The idea to have them be triplets came and I ran with it. All three of them were gonna cause more chaos and strife with there being actual feelings still there with Sooyn but I decided against that after considering how much YN is dealing with low self esteem and self hatred. In the end I love the bond they have 🫶🏼🫶🏼.

If I can give another rec, I suggest reading Peace that's my other HP au but it's Jay this time and it's Gossip Girl meets Harry Potter. (I just wanna know your views on that 😂).

Take your time, the new Jungwon fic will be there just a word of warning, I'm sorry if Hyunjin is your bias... That's about all the spoiler I'll give you in regards to that smau.

Don't get burned out with so much school!! And have fun at that party sounds like it'll be a great time!!.

Same goes to you, if you ever want to vent or just chat, I'm here 🫶🏼🫰🏼.

#zainab answers #ybwm ask #ask answered #ask: fallingforya

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ut-girl666 · 9 months ago

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also id like to think about a number of other facts.

now I haven’t actually read the comics yet (I SWEAR I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO) so please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I do know an amount, and it gives me so many thoughts on this matter:

one, actually Ratchet kinda treats pharma like trash even before all this?? Like, who tf do you know that is a genuinely good friend and doesn’t even say goodbye at the bare minimum when they hear their friend is going to a separate place bc their superior organized it that way, and they may not even ever see each other again, and instead dips as they’re talking to you?? I’m sorry that is such icky behavior from Ratchet. (This is so minor and dumb to get hung up on but it is important to me, bc Pharma probably considered him a friend or the closest thing he had to one, and Ratchet really just went and did that. icky to me.)

two, considering the circumstances, likely Pharma has had multiple psychotic breaks under the duress and stress he was under, and I can only imagine poor Pharma must have been blaming himself, and thinking he deserved this fate, knowing full well how much danger he was in, and he likely had no escape from, so much, at least at some point, because he put himself here, he made the choice, he made that deal with Tarn. this is all his fault, and he deserved whatever happened to him. (Whoopsie, tangent-) so all in all the stress got to him bad, and he ended up shattering into psychosis. and idk if it’s ever said what they intend to do to handle Pharma after?? but I doubt it was putting him in a hospital like he needs, which is what he needs. he does not need jail, he needs to be put in a mental hospital and on meds, for both the safety of others and his own. I am almost certain if someone simply got him psychiatric treatment and meds like necessary, he could with time eventually be redeemed like Drift was. And the fact that (again I could be wrong, please correct me if I’m mistaken) Ratchet and First Aid never consider that?? also icky.

Then with the whole fucking hands thing?? THAT IS A NEXT LEVEL OF VIOLATION OF BODILY AUTONOMY, AND IT’S RATCHET DOING IT?? yeah um if I knew about that why the fuck would I wanna be in his care after that. AND HE WAS GONNA DONATE PHARMA’S FUCKING HANDS TO WHIRL. like awesome, you’re doing something great for Whirl, but those arEN’T YOUR GODDAMN HANDS, TO BE DONATING. So the fact that Pharma was immoral in trying to get them back, is rightfully deserved, because Ratchet was also immoral stealing them in the first place.

Next up, with all due respect, it is in fact awesome that Drift was redeemed, and I love it! But the only thing that saved him from persecution is making a deal with Prowl. Finding Jesus™️ does not exempt you from the law, and is not a valid defense by any means for massive amounts of serial murder. Again, it’s awesome he went through the whole arc, and repented and feels bad about what he’s done, all in all excellent character w/fantastic development. But I am saying, legally speaking at least and a little bit morally, Drift has no leg to stand on against his far worse crimes than Pharma’s.

Pharma in contrast only committed those crimes because of the duress he was under from his deal (WHICH AGAIN, he made with Tarn originally to PROTECT his patients, from the DJD slaughtering everyone on Delphi.)/his psychosis, and absolutely never would have otherwise. Meanwhile Drift? He did all of that completely aware, no psychosis, no duress, nothing. Pharma has a defense, at least enough to put him in a mental institution that can help him. And likely before trial he would in some form have to be medicated, and yknow what I think would happen?? He’d wake from the psychosis and knowing what he’d done absolutely hate himself beyond belief, quite possibly to the point of being suicidal. {Because he had betrayed his patients, he killed them, when he was the one that had tried so valiantly for so long to protect and save them. That was his job, and he failed, betrayed his oath, and killed them. Why hadn’t he tried a little harder? Why didn’t he just turn Tarn down? Their deaths are all his fault, he’s no better than the DJD for what he’s done. He deserves to be executed. (< imagining/emulating Pharma’s thoughts.)}

Apologize for the tangent again. But onward: In short, we know Drift still hates himself for his past, and he repented and was redeemed, the whole bit - who is to say that Pharma cannot also go through the same, just through the power of medicine?

And also Ratchet treating Pharma like the absolute worst person in history ever while literally being married to an ex-infamous Decepticon aligned serial killer is so hypocritical of him.

And the fact of the matter is that realistically either drift or pharma is the standard for redemption in these comics. and either they both count, or neither of them do.

OKAY THIS IS PROBABLY THE LEAST COHERENT OR ORGANIZED THING - AND ESPECIALLY AS POSSIBLY MY FIRST META (idk if you’d call it that) - I’VE EVER WROTE ON HERE, AND PROBABLY IM NOT AS ACCURATE OR RIGHT AS I THINK BC I HAVENT READ THE COMICS YET BUT MY POINT IS OP HERE IS RIGHT, PHARMA IS ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC. AND IN SHORT I AM HAVING SO MANY THOUGHTS MY HEAD IS PRACTICALLY GOING TO EXPLODE.

and that is why I am deciding to fix the narrative by doing exactly that - putting him in a hospital and on medication. because pharma is tragic, and what he needs is help, and desperately.

Also, Ratchet, Drift, and First Aid, are all great characters, god I love them, but it doesn’t change that they also acted not the best with pharma, and I just think we should think about that more, too.

*holds you tightly by the shoulders until you're bleeding* haha funny joke about pharma's chainsaw hands. but you understand that pharma is actually a really tragic character? you understand that he did not work with the DJD willingly and was forced to harvest organs for them under the threat of the entire delphi outpost getting destroyed if he didnt? you understand that while his "crazy doctor DJD" reputation in the fandom can be funny he actually suffered a lot and it only makes sense he ended up cracking under the pressure and the venomous scrutiny from the people he once called his comrades? you understand that his life was literally just a horrible mess of incredibly unlucky coincidences made worse by his bad decisions, which he was making out of fear and self-preservation instinct? you understand how deeply fucked up ratchet stealing his hands and adaptus possessing his body really was and how extremely damaged he must have been? can anyone hear me? are you going to let me out of here now? i swear i wont lick the electrical outlets again.

#S CREAMING #HEAD IS GONNA EXPLODE #IVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD AND RANTING SO MUCH ABOUT HIM #AND SOUNDCRUSHER CAN ATTEST TO THAT #btw shout out to soundy for pointing out the hand thing to me :)#whenever i think about pharma for more than 2 minutes i end up kneeling on the floor with my head in my hands #anyway yeah crazy doctor idea is fun in the fandom but pharma is tragic actually. hes layered.#his alt mode is actually an onion bc he has so many fucking layers #he's a blorbo from my dreams. poor little meow meow shaped #maccadam #transformers #pharma transformers #pharma #reblog #ut talks

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logicheartsoul · 4 years ago

Note

6, 23, and 30 for the writing asks, if you feel so inclined :)

I’m always inclined to answer writing questions, so thank you for these! Looking at these questions, I can’t wait to answer it!

6. What point of view do you tend to write in? Do all of your pieces use the same POV? Do you have strong opinions on the POV used in novels?

Most of the time I write in third person omniscient POV but I’ve actually dabbled a bit in second person POV, sometimes limited sometimes omniscient. So, no not all my pieces use the same POV. As for strong opinions, I don’t really have any because if the work is good, it really doesn’t matter what POV it is in. I’m not one of those people where say, first person, takes me out of it or makes me go “nope”. (As an example.)

If the story is good, then the POV is compelling. If the POV doesn’t work for the story as I’m reading it, then maybe the writer should’ve considered that during editing if they wanted a stronger or compelling enough story. It’s not something you can skim 2 seconds while you’re in a bookstore and say “this story sucks coz it’s in x POV” unless I’m actually reading it, and only after I’ve read it for a bit can I make any judgment.

23. Do you prefer reading series or standalone novels and does that reflect on how you write?

It depends on my mood but I don’t have any preferences. Sometimes, you just want to get enmeshed into a world and have it last a long time. Sometimes, you just want a complete story from start to finish.

However, seeing how series and standalones work does help in writing -- it can help you determine if 1) a story you’re writing would be suited more as a series or if 2) your story is much more self-contained and can be written as one entity. And reading a lot of both can help you figure that out by how each writer does that -- what makes for a “good” ending but could continue the story for a new installment or what makes a story “complete” or “fully contained”?

30. What is some of the best writing advice you’ve read or received? Why does it work for you?

I guess it works as advice for all creatives, not just writing, but there’s a difference between self-care and self-punishment.

What I mean to say is that, if you’re having a writing block or if writing is something that is causing you pain, you gotta ask yourself if you’re in a good place right now.

Is writing helping deal with pain? (Which is a kind of therapeutic self-care).

Does the act of writing make you anxious and hurt and all other sorts of mental health issue flare-ups? Then you need to take time to breathe and find out why writing is making you feel these things and why.

And that applies to people who read all sorts of writing advice like “write x per week” or “you have to write every day” or “you gotta write and charge through even if you don’t feel like it”.

Not all advice works because writing reflects how people think and feel. And not everyone thinks and feels the same way -- hell, some people don’t even process things the same way (for an example, synesthesia??). How can a set of advice work for everyone? It can’t!

However, in the guise of “self-care” vs “self-punishment/harm” you can determine if that writing advice will work for you.

Is it something a little “minor” (however you determine minor) discomfort in the present if you did it, a thing where future you will go “thanks for doing this, I’m happy/proud/accomplished/glad I did it”? (To put in context, if you’re really tired and you don’t want to do the dishes but you do it or some of it anyway, will future you thank you for doing it? That kind of feeling.)

If so, it probably falls closer to the self-care part of the spectrum, writing-wise. Otherwise, don’t hurt yourself. Forgive yourself and then try to figure out why it doesn’t work, and if there’s pain attach to it, to help yourself get better from that pain.

People who create, and want to, will figure out what works for them and also will naturally at some point burst to just create anyway, regardless of anyone’s advice. Maybe they won’t write every day but manage to somehow in between the weird timing of everyday life, manage to get 1000 words done by the end of the week. Maybe they figure out they write better under pressure (so maybe they’ll use the pomodoro method) than if there’s no time constraints, etc etc.

Let people figure these things out and don’t punish them for NOT following some advice tons of people are throwing at them! That’s also part of the creative process people tend to forget.

So, rant aside, yeah, I follow it, and it’s helped me a lot especially when I’m feeling low or I’m deciding if a piece of writing advice works for me. I think it’s a good frame of mind for all creatives to think about coz your mental and physical health come first, ya know?

[ send me unique writing asks! ]

#ask #onlyslightlyobsessed1 #askbox meme #answers #writing stuff #the writer's struggle #mental health #yeah i kinda went on a tangent there at the end but it was important #there's all sorts of 'stylistic' or technical 'prose' advice i've read that's amazing #however the mental health one is the one with the most impact #if you feel in an ok ish place to create #what will come out will be better regardless of 'aesthetic standards'#something with more fidelity to you as a creator #and it will allow you to express more #which is really what creative endeavors are about at the heart of it

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heyiwrotesomethings · 3 years ago

Text

Assassin

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader Modern AU

A/N: Holy buckets Shinobu Community, this is a long one. I started this one in May, but I think at least two thirds of this was written just this December and then when I thought, ‘oh yeah, this is good’, I went and wrote a whole other tangent that probably could be it’s own thing or a part two. I like it, I think it’s kinda funny, but totally unnecessary. I’m just keeping it all together for simplicity. Warning for character not yet introduced in the anime, death, and a smidge of sexual themes. Thanks for reading, Happy New Year! Word Count: ~7,7070

“Hi love,” (Y/n) cheerfully greeted once she picked up her phone, “you better not be calling to tell me you’re missing dinner again.” She added a bit tersely as an after thought. Shinobu had been very busy lately and usually these calls were to tell (Y/n) she’d be home late or she needed to stay at the lab over night. (Y/n) was usually very empathetic and understanding of Shinobu’s work and how important it was to her, but the pharmacist had promised, come hell or high water, that they would have dinner together tonight and (Y/n) had really been looking forward to it.

“Right to it I see...” Shinobu sighed into the receiver, “(Y/n), I am so, so sorry, but something really big has come up that I have to take care of.” She said, sounding genuinely contrite.

“It’s... It’s okay,” (Y/n) shrugged and forced a smile to her face though Shinobu couldn’t see her.

“No it’s not,” Shinobu disagreed in a hushed tone, “I have every intention of making this up to you as soon as I can but right now can you tell me where you are?”

“I’m at home.” (Y/n) answered as if it should have been obvious. She bit her lip to stop herself from adding, ‘like you should be,’ to the end of it.

“Okay, good.” Shinobu spoke up after a stretch of silence. “Everything is locked up, right?”

“I’m sure it is.” (Y/n) smiled more earnestly, “You have got to be the most paranoid person I know.”

“I just want to know that you’re safe. Can you check the security system for me, please?”

“Yes Lady Paranoia, just give me a second.” (Y/n) shook her head as she walked to the security pad in the kitchen. When she saw that all the little buttons were green she confirmed her findings with Shinobu. “Everything looks right to me. Don’t you have an app you could have used to check these things? You could have used that.”

“You’re always right, sweetheart.” Shinobu replied distractedly. (Y/n) could hear a faint rustling from the other end before Shinobu spoke again. “I love you, I’ll be home as soon as I can, okay?”

“Alright, love you too. Don’t overwork yourself too hard.”

And with that, they disconnected their call and (Y/n) groaned, looking over the meal she had worked so hard to make.

“Well, the leftovers will taste just as good.” She mumbled to herself before shoveling what she wasn’t going to eat into a few containers and placing them neatly into the fridge. Then she took her plate into the living room and turned on the tv, flopping onto the couch and wrinkling the nice outfit she had changed into for dinner.

She zoned out watching some baking competition marathon and had nearly fallen asleep when a harsh bang snapped her eyes wide open. The living room was dark and the tv was off. (Y/n) didn’t remember turning anything off before she had dozed off.

Another loud bang had her jumping to her feet and fumbling with the light switch.

“A power outage?” She hissed as a third bang rammed against her door. She turned the flashlight button of her phone on and jogged to the kitchen. The security system was down so there was no checking the cameras to see who, or what, was at the door.

Another loud bang and the crunch of wood had (Y/n) running to the upstairs bathroom and locking the door behind her.

“What the fuck!” She whimpered, dialing emergency services and holding her phone to her ear. “Hello?” She whispered, “Someone is breaking into my house. I— they’re coming up the stairs!”

“Just stay quiet and get to somewhere you can lock the door. I’ve already traced your location and have a unit on the way.” The dispatcher advised.

(Y/n) stayed where she was, hidden behind the laundry hamper in the dark bathroom as heavy footprints became louder. Her breath caught in her throat as the bathroom door rattled.

“Found you.” A gruff voice declared, “Open the door and we can make this as smooth as possible.”

(Y/n) stayed quiet, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. The person on the other side clicked their tongue.

“Listen, I don’t want to hurt a girl, but I will have to if you don’t get out here.”

“The police are on their way! You had better leave right now!” (Y/n) warned, clutching her phone tightly to her ear.

“Then I guess we don’t have time to waste.” The man grumbled, bringing the door down with one strong kick.

“Heee has pink hair, aan—and tattoos and—!”

“Enough of that!” The man growled, yanking the phone out of (Y/n)’s grasp and smashing it against the wall, the light it had been emitting flickered and dimmed.

(Y/n) yelled and struggled against the man while he tried to restrain her.

“Stop! Why are you doing this?” (Y/n) screamed, hitting the man’s back as hard as she could.

“You can blame that poison laced bitch you live with for all of this.” The man spat bitterly, tightening his hold over (Y/n) as he dragged her out of the house and into the driver seat of an unmarked car.

“What!?” (Y/n) shrieked, “You’re crazy! What are you talking about?”

“Just stay in the car, don’t turn on the ignition until I’m in the passenger seat.”

“Why would I do anything you ask?” (Y/n) spat back.

“Because if you don’t,” he pulled out a gun, “I’ll have to shoot you.”

(Y/n) felt the blood drain from her face, flinching when her car door was slammed shut. She dared not turn on the car and floor it because her assailant kept the gun trained on her through the windshield as he rounded the car. When he reached the passenger door he opened it and got inside, the gun never wavering.

“Now turn on the car and drive. I’ll tell you when to turn. Just do as I say, I don’t want to have to hurt you anymore than I already have.” He said.

With trembling hands (Y/n) turned on the car and followed the man’s instructions, finding herself at some grand mansion surrounded by a dense forest in the middle of nowhere. She had half expected to be driving into the woods to make it convenient for her kidnapper to hide her body. Never had she expected to be led up a well lit private road and made to park right out side the front entrance of an impressive mansion.

She was told to turn off the car and wait for the man to come around to her side. He then motioned her out of the car and told her to walk in front of him into the warmly lit estate, teeming with other men patrolling the premises. They hardly gave (Y/n) a glance. Just what kind of world had she fallen into?

They walked into a spotless lobby and took an elevator up several floors before traversing many hallways. So many in fact that (Y/n) quickly forgot which direction they came from. Eventually they stopped at a fancily carved door and the pink-haired man knocked twice before a voice called from inside, granting him permission to enter.

“Akaza! You’ve got our little bargaining chip. Well done my dear friend! You’ll be paid handsomely for this I promise you!” A cheery voice called once they entered.

“Quiet, you’re going to cause yourself to have another fit.” The man, Akaza, frowned, pushing (Y/n) forward.

“Oh but I’m in such a good mood! Soon the pretty woman who poisoned me will be giving me my antidote so all is well!”

“What is going on?” (Y/n) tried again, still unable to trace exactly how she got into this situation.

“Don’t be frightened, come closer.” The new man beckoned. (Y/n) was in no position to refuse and sat in front of the man lying dramatically over an absurdly luxurious couch. He looked sickly, big black bags under his eyes made the swirling colors of his irises stand out even more than they probably already did.

“Mm, well just look at you!” He chuckled, “You are quite lovely looking yourself. I can’t wait for our other guest of honor to make her appearance.” He grinned, flashing brilliant white teeth.

“I do hope we can get to know each other better in the meantime. Here, I’ll go first. I’m Douma, what’s your name?”

(Y/n) kept her mouth shut something told her this man was dangerous despite how sickly he appeared. She shouldn’t give him any information if she could help it.

“Aw, don’t be like that. We can be friends, can’t we? Just because your little friend is trying to kill me doesn’t mean we can’t like each other, hm?”

“What are you talking about?” (Y/n) asked for at least the third time tonight.

“Do you really not know? Ooo, what a big secret that little woman has been keeping from you. I’m afraid I don’t know her real name, she came up to me as ‘Yumeko’ at a club a few days ago. I really thought we were hitting it off,” he pouted, “she was bringing me drinks, we danced... it was a hell of a night and I was so disappointed when she had to cut our fun short. Turns out, the little minx is quite the accomplished assassin. Her M.O. is poisons and throughout the night she had given me quite the dosage.”

“Stop.” (Y/n) interrupted sharply, the man only smiled at her as he waited for her to continue. “I don’t know what the hell you are talking about. I’m sorry that happened to you, but I don’t know anyone who would act like that and do those things, least of all my wife!”

“Wife!” Douma shouted with glee, “This just gets better and better! Akaza, be a dear and show the pretty lady the picture.” Douma asked with a wave of his hand, his eyes never leaving (Y/n)’s.

Akaza grumbled incoherently, shoving a wrinkled photograph into (Y/n)’s hand. (Y/n) blinked at the photo before scrutinizing it closely. The woman in the photo was wearing a black cocktail dress and heels to match. No ring to be seen. Shiny, long, black hair and strange wisteria colored lipstick nearly made (Y/n) open her mouth to yell at the men around her that the woman in the photograph looked nothing like her Shinobu, but then she focused in on the face.

The slight up curve of those oddly colored lips, the shape of her nose, those deep purple eyes...

“She looks familiar doesn’t she?” Douma broke (Y/n) from her thoughts. “I’m sorry you had to find out like that. It must be hard to know she’s not at all who you thought she was.”

“It’s not her.” (Y/n) denied.

“Oh, but it is isn’t it? She was so flirty and I’m sure you noticed she wasn’t wearing a ring. I hadn’t realized she was married. Her lips were so soft when she kissed me on the cheek I nearly melted.”

“Shut up, Shinobu wouldn’t do that!” (Y/n) snapped.

“Ah, so Shinobu is her name. Or, well, at least it’s the one she gave you I suppose. I wonder just how honest she has been with you in all of this.”

“I said shut the hell up!”

“I don’t think I like the tone you’re taking with me,” Douma frowned, placing a hand over his chest, “I only want to be your friend here. We have a lot in common, don’t you see? Bamboozled by the same woman!”

(Y/n) was about ready to leap from her seat and deck the man in the face, but it seemed Akaza knew what she wanted to do before even she fully realized it. He grabbed her shoulder roughly and kept her pinned to the ornate chair with a growl.

“Don’t do anything stupid now.” He husked, tapping the gun against the arm of (Y/n)’s chair to remind her of its presence.

As a bead of sweat rolled down (Y/n)’s cheek, Douma giggled before succumbing to a violent coughing fit that racked his whole body. Once he managed to somewhat catch his breath, he leaned forward and rested his chin on the back of his hand.

“Oh, I think I really like you.” He hummed, making (Y/n) shiver.

“Tell you what, once I get my antidote and my revenge on Yumeko, Shinobu, or whatever her name is, I’ll take you with me on my upcoming vacation overseas. I’m a wealthy man, I could make you very comfortable,” he leans further in, causing (Y/n) to lean back, “Though you see, I’m a man with a rather refined pallet,” he snatched (Y/n)’s hand before she could even blink and ghosted his nose over her quivering knuckles, “Could I perhaps trouble you for a finger or two? A rib—”

A loud crash accompanied by the sound of broken glass from the large, bay windows tinkling against the waxed marble floor and Douma’s hand let go of (Y/n)’s to tend to the sudden wound his opposite arm had received. Akaza rushed to settle the other man and himself behind the couch, sounding off his own gun in the direction the shot had come from in the trees close by.

“Really, Tomioka? Aren’t you supposed to be one of the best snipers in Japan?” Shinobu griped as she jumped through the window.

“You nudged me.”

“I did not, don’t blame me for your own inability to do your job.”

“...”

(Y/n) whipped her head in the direction of the all too familiar voice, but quickly found herself curled up on the floor as shots volleyed on either side of her.

“No need to fight back so aggressively, Akaza, back up won’t be coming anytime soon. There is still a chance you’ll make it out of this alive if you run without that dead weight dragging you down.” The voice, that was so obviously Shinobu, called.

Shinobu and Giyuu came fully into view once Akaza cursed, his gun clicking without the deafening bang of a bullet to accompany it. He threw the gun at Giyuu’s head, momentarily distracting him, and lunged for Shinobu, only for her to quickly dodge and reveal another person running up to meet Akaza’s strike with one of his own.

“Nice hit, Rengoku-san. I knew I could count on you.” Shinobu praised while Giyuu side-eyed her.

“Anything for a friend! This guy has been on my list for awhile now anyway!” Kyoujirou grinned before giving the pink haired man all of his attention, “We finally meet again!”

“Kyoujirou, how are you still alive?” Akaza grinned wildly in return, swiping blood away from his nose. “I seem to recall leaving you bleeding out in an alleyway!”

“It’ll take more than that to stamp out the fire in my heart!”

The pair began their own fight, seemingly forgetting everyone else in the room. They tumbled out of the smashed window to the manicured garden below, leaving distruction in their wake as they fought hand to hand. And as interesting as their fight was, only (Y/n) seemed to have been paying much attention to it as it unfolded, but for not much longer.

(Y/n) let out a startled squeak as she was suddenly, and quite clumsily, jerked to the side by Douma.

“Let her go, you worthless bastard.” Shinobu said, an eerie edge to her voice.

“Aww, I don’t think I will. No, it would be foolish to give up my only leverage against you,” one of Douma’s hands slid beneath (Y/n)’s jaw and gripped her neck, making her jump and gasp. His skin was somehow deathly cold, yet wet with sweat at the same time.

“I said,” Shinobu gritted out, clicking the hammer back on her own gun as Giyuu looked on, “let her go, now.”

“Are you really so confident in your firearm skills?” Douma laughed, “I don’t think you are. Otherwise, why not put a bullet in my brain in the first place?”

“Well, normally I wouldn’t have to be firearm savvy. Not when I had poisoned you so thoroughly. You should have been dead three times over by now, how incredibly annoying of you.” Shinobu said, subtly trying to find an opening around (Y/n)’s body to shoot the monster in human form holding her hostage.

“Aw, Unfortunately for you The Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies. What do you think? Do I make a good Dread Pirate Roberts?”

“You’d make a great grease stain on the side of a highway.” Shinobu shot back, giving Giyuu a venomous look when he covered her pistol hand with his and lowered her gun.

Giyuu then trained his own gun on the target, looking for an opening to present itself. Douma’s use of (Y/n) as a shield left little other option than to wait.

As much as she’d loathe to admit it, Tomioka’s silent judgement was correct. Shinobu was no marksman, even if her anger towards her target wasn’t already clouding her judgement, her best shot still would be hazardous. If she hit (Y/n) by mistake, she’d never be able to forgive herself.

“I’m pretty adept at using a human shield, aren’t I? What a unusual talent!” Douma laughed, still in good humor. (Y/n) tried to flinch away from his voice, but Douma held her in a bruising grip that greatly contrasted his carefree tone.

“Now, here is what we’re going to do, Yumeko, sorry, Shinobu, you give me my antidote, I take said antidote, and then, you give me an hour head start and I’ll drop off this lovely woman somewhere along the way. How does that sound?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Shinobu all but screamed at the man, “I know everything about you, sick fuck! I’ve been chasing after you for nearly fourteen years now— half of my life!”

“Oh, obsessed with me are you? Familiar with my work?”

“Obsessed, with you? Hardly. However, revenge for my sister’s life has been something I’ve been dreaming of ever since I was called in to identify her remains.”

“Oh, Shinobu...” (Y/n) immediately began to tear up, understanding exactly what Shinobu was talking about.

She could remember learning about the tragedy of Kanae’s death vividly. She and Shinobu had only been dating for about six months when the then med student had become more closed-off and quick to snap over the week.

(Y/n) assumed it had to be finals stress, so after her own late evening final, she picked up some of Shinobu’s favorite food and showed up at her apartment to surprise her. When she knocked on the door, she was met with a broken ghost of the normally confident and good-humored woman she knew.

She quickly gathered Shinobu in her arms and held her tight, Shinobu holding onto her even tighter. That night, they sat huddled together on the couch while Shinobu told (Y/n) about the murder of her older sister that had taken place a few years prior on a very similar cold winter’s night.

And now here (Y/n) was, in the clutches of her sister-in-law’s killer.

“Your sister?” Douma blinked, “Tell me, which one was she?”

“I don’t want you to even think about her.” Shinobu sneered, rapidly losing whatever patience she had left, “Just get away from my wife and die already!”

“Oh yes, how could I forget that you two are married?” Douma exclaimed with a scandalized, theatrical gasp. “Wow, apologies my new friend, I somehow forgot that it was your wife that was running around behind your back kissing other people all night. Perhaps even doing more unsavory activities. ‘Probably out clubbing and having fun every night while you stayed home alone and none the wiser waiting for—”

“Do you know how to shut the fuck up?” (Y/n) fumed, her face burning with anger and embarrassment.

Now wasn’t the time to unpack all of what Shinobu’s secret life may entail. She kept her line of sight away from Shinobu, not wanting to see what expression her face may hold. What her eyes might give away. She had to push it all away for now because thinking about it hurt terribly. All (Y/n) wanted to think about right now was getting the hell away from her captor.

Surprising everyone, she whipped her head back into Douma’s face with a sickening crunch. When his hand reflexively moved to cover his gushing nose, (Y/n) lurched forward, exposing Douma’s face and giving Giyuu just the opening he needed to finish the job.

The back of Douma’s head exploded outward and he slumped backward with a dull thud as he hit the marble floor below. His once vivid rainbow irises quickly grew dull as blood pooled around his body. It was a kinder death than he deserved.

(Y/n) stumbled to her feet on shaky legs, the sound of the pistol, though significantly muted by the silencer, was ringing in her ears. She flinched when Shinobu’s body made contact with her own. The other woman’s hands cradled her face before sliding down to wrap around her shoulders.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Shinobu fervently apologized, her voice catching in her throat, smoothing her hands over (Y/n)’s back several times as she pulled her lover away from the fresh corpse. “Are you alright? I’ll explain everything to you, I swear. I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt. I love you so much and I was so scared when I couldn’t find you. You mean everything to me, please look at me. It’s not at all what that bastard made it sound like—“

“I- I just…” (Y/n) rubbed vigorously at her eyes, she paused a moment to breathe, trying to find relief from the tightness in her throat, “I want to go home. I just want to go home.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want, anything you need, you only need to say it.” Shinobu soothed, cradling (Y/n) as best she could side to side. She began guiding (Y/n) towards the exit, only stopping momentarily to tell Giyuu to take care of the clean up and to make sure Kyoujirou was doing okay.

Once outside, the couple passed several incapacitated people strewn about the property. As Shinobu helped (Y/n) into car she had never seen before that her wife seemed to be familiar with, (Y/n) tried to ask her about the people littering the ground.

“Are all these people… did you?”

“Dead? Some of them are, some of them will die from their injuries later on and some will probably make it.” Shinobu confirmed with a frown as she buckled herself into the driver’s seat.

“I know you won’t like hearing this but I did what I had to do. All of these guys are scum, I promise you. You don’t work for a freak like Douma without having a few skeletons in your own closet.”

“Will the men you came with be okay?” (Y/n) asked, watching the mansion grow further away in the rear view mirror.

“Rengoku is probably having the time of his life right now and Tomioka is always so dour so it’s hard to tell. They’re used to this line of work anyhow so they’ll be fine, yes.”

“So are you… seeing either of them or—!”

Shinobu unexpectedly breaked, stopping the car to turn to (Y/n), her expression already beseeching her to lose that train of thought.

“Never, (Y/n). I’d never do that to you. You’ve always been it for me, there is no one else that could ever make me feel the way you do. I don’t need anyone else but you, I love you.” Shinobu drew in a shaky breath, a tear escaped only to be quickly wiped away.

“I hate myself for making you ever believe that I could do something so vile. And I wish I could ask you not to doubt me, but we both know that I have never been completely honest with you and— and I wanted to tell you about all of this, but, but damn it, (Y/n) I’m so selfish and broken. I know it’s no excuse, but had I told you about what I do, what I’ve been doing since I was sixteen, would you really have stayed with me?”

(Y/n) wiped desperately at her own face now. She hadn’t seen Shinobu look so unkempt for any other occasion than her sister’s death anniversary. Her heart ached to reach out for her so she did, and Shinobu quickly latched into the offered hand, pressing the back of it to her trembling lips in a tentative kiss. Shinobu held her eyes firmly shut, using the hand in her grasp to ground her.

“Will you tell me about it, Shinobu?” (Y/n) asked after a long minute of labored breaths between the two of them. “About everything?”

Finally Shinobu opened her eyes, looking directly back into (Y/n)’s, the woman in the passenger seat felt every syllable against her hand as she answered with immense sincerity.

“Everything.” She nodded.

They took a few moments to collect themselves before Shinobu began driving again. The ride home was silent, save for the occasional sniffle and when they passed a few speeding ambulances the atmosphere grew tenser still, but eventually they made it home.

Only for (Y/n) to remember that the power was off and the inside of the house was likely heavily damaged as evident by the door lying on the ground.

“It’s alright,” Shinobu tried to assure, “we can just stay at a hotel for awhile. I’m just going to get some things and try to secure the door. I’ll call people in the morning to fix everything up.” Before Shinobu could escape— er, exit, the tension filled vehicle, (Y/n) gripped her jacket.

“Don’t leave me alone.” She rushed.

Shinobu’s heart could have just about break for the umpteenth time that night. She mumbled a quiet promise, and they left the car to enter the house together. They quietly gathered a few bags of clothes and toiletries by flashlight and Shinobu uprighted the door, pounding it into place so it at least looked stable, and then they were off again.

Shinobu set them up with an all too nice hotel room and hovered over (Y/n) as she went through her bag for her toothbrush.

“Can I get you anything? Are you, um, hungry, at all?” Shinobu asked, sounding nothing like her often self-assured self.

“I’m fine. I’m the one who made it to dinner after all.” (Y/n) muttered as she passed Shinobu on the way to the bathroom. “You should get something for yourself though.” With that, she entered the bathroom, clicking the door shut behind her.

Looking in the mirror, she noticed light bruising along her arms, likely from when Akaza got too rough with her. They paled in comparison to the darker finger shaped ones pressed into her neck. Her hand shook as she gently prodded the skin before quickly looking away from her reflection to start the shower.

After taking what was probably the longest shower of her life, she exited the bathroom in a fog of hot steam. Shinobu, who had been waiting anxiously on the bed instantly sat up at attention, watching (Y/n) get into her pajamas and hoping for some kind of positive acknowledgment even if she didn’t feel like she deserved it.

Once dressed, (Y/n) slipped into the bed and immediately felt like she had been hit with a dump trucks worth of wet sand. She let out a pained groan and sunk into the bed as far is it would allow and Shinobu hovered over her, edging closer to (Y/n)’s side.

“Are you alright? Should we have gone to the clinic?” She asked worriedly.

“Oh, do you even really work at that clinic?” (Y/n) mumbled.

“I do.” Shinobu answered truthfully, not letting (Y/n)’s tone affect her own. “I truly do like helping people, those who deserve it anyway. The clinic is advantageous to me in that I pretty much have free reign over the pharmaceuticals. It made it easy to gather supplies for my hits.” She revealed.

“Hits.” (Y/n) repeated with a shockingly understanding cadence. “So you would gather what you needed for your poisons and such from the clinic’s pharmaceuticals lab. Then you… then you go out and kill people.”

“Yes.” Shinobu answered candidly.

“How many?”

Shinobu mulled it over for a moment before sighing tiredly, “I started out when I was sixteen so it’s been about twelve years… I’d estimate not much more than ninety. A hundred at the most.”

“I’d have figured it be more.”

“I can’t just go killing people everyday, dear.” Shinobu said, almost trying to sound humorous. “All the real work is in the gathering of intelligence. Learning habits, haunts, personality, connections… that sort of thing.”

“Like with Douma at the club? Was dancing and kissing him all a part of gathering intel?” (Y/n) couldn’t help but ask.

“No, no at that point I was working on killing him.” Shinobu’s face darkened as she recalled that infuriating night.

“I had all the intel I thought I needed after years of following leads. All the dead ends it took to get there made me impatient I suppose. I should have taken more time, but I had been waiting so long to find him and kill him with my very own special poison. It’s true that I buttered him up, bought him drinks and pretended to make him feel special, but it was all a means to an end, his end. Unfortunately, I must have been compromised somewhere along the way because he had developed a tolerance to my poison and clung to life when he should have been gurgling and choking on his last breath by sunrise.”

(Y/n) nodded thoughtfully, a delicate frown upon her lips. Had it been any other situation, Shinobu would swoop down and kiss that frown away, but she knew she had to give (Y/n) her space for the time being, however hard that may be.

“I can understand why you did all that. I know what he did to your sister and to a lot of other people, but once you had all this information, why didn’t you just go to the police? Why be an…”

“Assassin?”

(Y/n) nodded.

“The police are unreliable fools and easily bought. Douma, previously the unnamed Cold Devourer Serial Killer, as you may have gathered was insanely rich. He paid plenty of crooked cops to muddy up his involvement in several killings over the years, including Kanae’s. And you saw our house, not an officer to be seen. Already paid off before you got to his mansion probably. Even if I somehow managed to bring my case to the courts, he was so damn rich he could just flee the country or make some kind of deal to get out of prison. It was best to just do everything myself. I couldn’t trust anyone.”

“Not even me?”

“I do trust you.” Shinobu lamented “I wanted to tell you, but I was a coward. It was easier just to hide it. I had convinced myself it would be safer if you didn’t know, but it was all just wishful thinking. I should have told you when we had started getting serious. I can never apologize enough for not doing so.”

“Okay, fine.” (Y/n) snapped at Shinobu without really meaning to. It had just been such a long night. “Why not just focus on Douma then? Why did you kill all those other people?”

“Practice. Experience.” Shinobu replied, massaging the back of her neck. “I needed to hone my craft, discover how I best operate. If I went after him and he slipped through my fingers, that could have very well been it. I needed to manipulate and kill those other people to get to Douma. It’s not like they didn’t deserve it either. They were all terrible people.”

“Did you use manipulation a lot? Like at clubs and stuff.” (Y/n) knew they had already lightly covered the subject, but she couldn’t let it go, not yet. Shinobu seemed to understand that.

“I have flirted, bought drinks, and danced with many of my targets. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of but I swear I’ve never gone farther than a kiss on the cheek or a faux gentle touch. Even if my lips, the alcohol or my nail polish were laced with poison at the time, I was always wishing I could be with you instead. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear right now, but it’s true. It may not seem so, but I’ve always been loyal to you for as long as we’ve been together.”

“Are you going to keep working?” (Y/n) whispered. She loved Shinobu, of course she did. She believed what she was being told, but didn’t think she could handle knowing that Shinobu was going out and flirting with other people. Even if that did spell out their demise. Maybe she was more of a jealous person than she realized.

“No, I’m done. I’ve wanted to be done for a long time. I just needed justice for Kanae first. There are still bad people out there, but all I want now is to spend every moment I can with you if you’ll let me.” Shinobu swore, searching for (Y/n)’s hand beneath the covers. She felt relief when (Y/n) met her half way.

“I want that too,” (Y/n) expressed with a tired smile, “very much.”

“I don’t deserve you.” Shinobu weakly smiled in return.

“You deserve everything and I’ll happily take my place on the tippy top of that list. Don’t get me wrong, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions right now, but that will never change how I feel about you at my core. I love you.” (Y/n) tried to stifle a yawn and Shinobu simpered.

“I love you too, so much. You should try to sleep now my sweet girl, you look exhausted.”

“You’ll stay with me tonight, right? I don’t think I could handle being alone right now.”

Shinobu maneuvered to lie beneath the covers and cuddled up beside her wife, gently knocking their heads together.

“This night and every night afterwards.” She promised, placing a kiss on the corner of her lips to test the waters. She was beyond relieved when (Y/n) turned her head for their lips to connect fully. It was a short kiss, but the emotion felt was timeless.

(Y/n) dug her face into Shinobu’s chest and passed out almost immediately, making Shinobu chuckle despite the events that led her poor wife to be so thoroughly exhausted. Not feeling very tired herself yet after years of little to no sleep, she held (Y/n) in her arms and focused on the gentle rise and fall of her chest against her ribs, feeling lighter than she had in a very long time.

“Nee-san,” she whispered, “I hope you will finally be at peace. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I promise to live for myself now. (Y/n) has been so patient with me… I have a lot of time to make up for.”

***

It was almost lunchtime when (Y/n) was awoken by obnoxious kisses and wandering hands. She laughed and tried to wiggle away, but the attack persisted until she sat up and fought back, pinning her all too pleased wife to the mattress.

“Hi.” Shinobu sing-songed. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for hours.”

“What time is it?” (Y/n) asked, tickling Shinobu for some revenge for her rude awakening.

“A little after noon.” Shinobu snickered, grabbing (Y/n)’s hands to stop the assault.

“Shinobu!” (Y/n) hissed, scrambling to get up, only to be flipped onto her back and straddled. “Quit it! I’m so late—! You are too, damn it!”

“No one is late for anything, relax, dear.” Shinobu cooed. “I’ve been busy while you were sleeping, making all sorts of phone calls. While I was at it, I called the clinic and your work about our vacation days and took a couple weeks off.”

“Really?”

“Really. Sorry for waking you up, I just missed you.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my wife?”

“Ha ha, come on, get dressed. I want to take you out to lunch. I’ve got plans.”

With another kiss, Shinobu allowed (Y/n) to get up, giggling at her bewildered expression as she went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

The rest of the week went much the same way. Until (Y/n) finally sat Shinobu down to talk. After worries about inadequacy and guilt were aired, Shinobu’s behavior grew less manic, seeming more like herself again. Then they enjoyed the rest of their impromptu vacation at their own pace.

“Anything you want to do tonight?” Shinobu asked out of the blue. They had been watching movies most of the day.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” (Y/n) shrugged, “have anything in mind?”

“I think it be nice to go dancing together. We haven’t done that in a long time.” Shinobu suggested.

“We could just dance here.” (Y/n) smirked. “We could listen to whatever music we want and their will be 100% less men trying to hit on us.”

“Come on, it could be fun.” Shinobu tried to persuade.

“What could we do in some club or bar that we couldn’t do here. We just got to go back home today.” (Y/n) said in return, snuggling further into her blanket. Shinobu thought for a minute before a sly smile broke out on her face.

“What if I gave you a demonstration of how I would lull my victims into a false sense of security before their untimely demises?”

“First of all, don’t say it like that. It makes me think you enjoyed it too much. You have only been retired from assassin work for like, two weeks, are you already missing it?”

“Not really, I just thought you might be interested. It would make the outing more fun I’d think. We don’t have to go though if you don’t want to.”

“Oh no, I’ll go.” (Y/n) perked up, “I’ll admit I’m curious, but I don’t think I want to watch you catfish some guy for an hour.”

“Some guy, no no,” Shinobu shook her head, “I was thinking you would be my target.”

“Me?” (Y/n) laughed incredulously. “You want to go out and role play as an assassin seducing her target?”

“Do you not want to?”

(Y/n) sighed, hiding eyes in her hands to avoid Shinobu’s stare.

“Actually, I kinda really want to do that.”

“Great, let’s get ready!”

And that what how (Y/n) ended up where she was now. Sitting at the bar sipping a drink while waiting for Shinobu to show up. Shinobu had recommended that they showed up at different times to really immerse themselves in their roles.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” (Y/n) mumbled into her drink.

She had been settled for maybe twenty minutes and was contemplating buying another drink when a hand with purple nails slid into view.

“Excuse me,” (Y/n) shivered as Shinobu whispered in her ear, “I couldn’t help but notice you finished your drink, I hope it wasn’t too presumptuous of me to order you another one.”

“Ahhh, nope! That’s fine, good, thanks.”

Well, she never claimed to be an actress. God, why was it so hot in there.

Shinobu giggled and slid into the seat next to her, propping her head up with her arm as she sat just close enough that (Y/n) could smell her shampoo.

“My, you are cute. I’m quite jealous of whoever managed to win your heart.”

“I’m actually single.”

“Oh, then why the ring?”

Damn it, Shinobu, did every little detail really matter?

“Oh, this? What about it? This is, uh, ya know… Oh!” She raised her hands, palms out. “Ah, I see the confusion. Rights and lefts, bleh. Sometimes I forget what’s what.” She popped the ring off her left hand and put it on her right instead.

“Mm, do that often do you?”

“Probably why I’m still single.” (Y/n) replied, trying desperately to keep a straight face.

“Well, that just won’t do.” Shinobu said, smirking when (Y/n) jolted as her ankle brushed her calf, “Why don’t we keep each other company tonight?”

“Yeah, okay.” (Y/n) squeaked.

“Come dance with me?” Shinobu offered her hand.

(Y/n) nodded dumbly and took her hand. They danced through several songs, eventually Shinobu led (Y/n) to a tucked away booth.

“I’ll go get us some refreshments, I’ll be back soon.” Shinobu leaned in, giving (Y/n) a peck on the cheek, sending her a wink before breezing off.

(Y/n) watched her disappear into the crowded room before relaxing into her seat, gingerly touching her cheek. Obviously Shinobu wouldn’t really poison her, but would that have been it just then? She really needed to ask her how exactly the poison worked.

“Hi there.”

“Hm?” (Y/n) distractedly answered, still rubbing her cheek. She blinked back to the present when some girl that definitely wasn’t Shinobu slid in next to her.

“Wow, you are even prettier up close.” The mystery woman complimented.

“Oh, thank you.” (Y/n) smiled politely.

“Could I steal you away for a dance or two?”

“I’m actually married, sorry. There are probably plenty of other girls here who would love to dance with you though.”

“Why do you have to be like that?” The woman suddenly turned, looking insulted.

“Huh?” (Y/n) was surprised by the sudden shift to say the least, but the reason became evident soon enough.

“If you were married, you’d wear a ring on your left hand, wouldn’t you?”

Oh yeah, that. Thanks, Shinobu.

“Oh gosh, I did it again,” (Y/n) lifted her hands up between them, “you see, my lefts and rights—“

“Are you nervous? Is that it?” She suddenly knocked (Y/n)’s hands to the side, looking over by kneeling on the seat, bracing her arms, one on the table the other on the back of the booth, “Trust me, I know how to show a woman a good time.”

“She’s already taken I’m afraid.”

The woman’s head swiveled around and (Y/n) caught a flash of Shinobu before the woman situated herself between them and ruined her view.

The woman merely scoffed and rolled her eyes, then had the audacity to turn her back on Shinobu and not leave the booth. She looked like she was just going to continue talking like nothing had happened, but Shinobu wasn’t having it. The ex-assassin firmly gripped the woman’s arm, turning her back around.

“You don’t listen well, do you?” Shinobu questioned coldly, though the ghostly smile she wore never moved from her lips.

“Oh and what are you going to do about it?” The woman spat tersely, finally stepping out of the booth to stare down at Shinobu at her full height. She certainly towered over her, but that really wasn’t as much of an accomplishment as the woman made it seem.

Shinobu’s hand shot out like a whip, pulling the woman down to her height by the collar of her shirt, not even a twitch tugging at her smile as she very calmly stated,

“I could craft you the most painful death possible and have it leave no trace in your body. Step away from my wife now, please. It’s the last time I’ll ask nicely.”

“Geeze lady,” The woman yanked Shinobu’s hand from her shirt and slid off to the side, “you oughta be locked in an institution somewhere.”

“Bye-bye! Never come back!” Shinobu waved the woman off, watching her leave before taking (Y/n)’s hand. “That sure ruined the mood. Want to go home?”

“Please.”

They walked to the car, connected hands swinging between them. Most of the ride was quiet too, with the exception of occasional humming to the music on the radio. Once they parked and made it to their doorstep, (Y/n) spoke up,

“You know, all things considered, that was actually really fun.”

“You think so?”

“Mhm, I have to ask though, when did you ‘kill’ me? Was it with the kiss? How long does that stuff usually take anyway? I can’t imagine it would be good if they just dropped dead in front of everybody.”

Shinobu hummed a knowing sound of amusement, “It’s usually an hour, give or take, for symptoms to surface, if any, then it could be a manner of minutes before death. In your case, I dissolved a sugar cube in one of your drinks and you didn’t even notice.”

“Ah! Really?” (Y/n) pouted kicking her shoes off and slumping off to the bedroom. “You just roofied me like some rich white frat boy. No honor!”

“Hey, a lot of the guys I killed deserved a taste of their own medicine. It’s one of the easier ways I took people out.”

“Oh, so I’m not even worthy of one of your more elaborate schemes? Rude.”

Shinobu laughed and followed (Y/n), wrapping her up in a hug from behind.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. I’ll give you a death truly worthy of you.”

“When?”

“Right now,” Shinobu jabbed a finger into (Y/n)’s side, “bam, paralyzed.”

“I thought you were going to kill me?”

“Oh, I am.” Shinobu assured. “I just got you alone and took you to a second location, now you can’t fight back while I try to get information out of you.”

“Like you really had a specific poison on each finger… did you?”

“Not each finger,” Shinobu explained, “But I did usually carry three or four different toxins on me depending on the difficulty of the job. Now,” Shinobu pushed (Y/n) into the bed.

“Hey!”

“Tell me what I want to know.”

“I don’t know what you want to know!” (Y/n) laughed.

“That’s what they always say. You’ll talk, eventually.” She said, settling over her wife to impulsively nip her neck.

“Shinobu!” (Y/n) tried pushing her up to bring some distance between them, but she was so breathless from laughter that Shinobu quickly collapsed back into place.

“Yes,” Shinobu teased, “What is it? What do you know?”

“I— I married a femme fatale!” She wheezed.

“Is that so, what is she like?”

“She’s beautiful and witty, just, incredibly intelligent, endlessly compassionate and good in bed.”

“Just ‘good’?”

“Why would you be offended on behalf of my wife? And what’s wrong with ‘good’?”

“Quiet you, just help me take this dress off.”

#demon slayer oneshots #kny oneshots #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #shinobu kocho x reader #shinobu kochou x reader #shinobu x reader #shinobu kocho #shinobu kochou #au

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sunsnowsword · 1 day ago

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Here's the convo if anyone's curious but I'll give a summary for those who don't wanna read it.

Basically, the writer of this Frozen 2 tie-in book/audiobook thingy created an OC for it named Disa and she's stated she intended for this Disa lady to have a big fucking gay crush on Elsa. Unfortunately... Disney's higher ups made her tone it down. They also apparently didn't want the writer to make her OC black... despite Mattias from Frozen 2 being a black guy. No seriously, they literally went "Why would there be black people in a fantasy setting?". In 2024. Say what you will about how POC are written in Sci Fi and Fantasy settings and trust me, there is a LOT to say about that topic... but the fact they exsist in these settings should not be a fucking problem to anyone, not in this fucking day and age.

But here's the kicker, this writer has kindly explained a lot of other things regarding how the Northuldra are treated. Because originally, the writer wanted to include Honeymaren and explore her's and Elsa's relationship presumably... but Disney said no, so she had to make an OC girlfriend for Elsa instead.

The reason why Disney said no to using the Northuldra in this (and possibly every Frozen Tie-In thing over the last few years)... Basically, the Northuldra only exsist because Disney didn't wanna piss off the indingeous Sami people. Basically, Disney got in trouble with Frozen 1 for giving Kristoff some Sami inspired clothing. They later course corrected with Frozen 2 by introducing the Northuldra and whatnot... and that's all they want to do. They want to do the bare fucking minimum for representation there. Because apparently, they have to pay the Sami council to use their culture, since the Northuldra are the Sami people with the serial numbers filed off. Which I say... bullfuckingshit. You COULD pay them and allow that culture to be used in Frozen tie-in stuff, especially since the movie didn't flesh out the Northuldra culture in general. THAT WOULD BE SO IMPORTANT TO SEE FOR INDINGEOUS PEOPLE, NOT JUST SAMI PEOPLE.

We live in an age where Indingeous representation is still kinda crappy all around. I will leave the specifics of that over to people more qualified like Ali Nahdee and whatnot. But yeah, Disney were fucking cowards, but then why am I not fucking surprised. They are literally the pillarstone of Queer and POC assimilation bs, it's no wonder they wanna do the bare fucking minimum considering the crap they've pulled over the years.

Tangent aside, apparently the writer wanted to make it a full on enemies to lovers arc for Elsa and this Disa girl. Apparnetly, the idea was that Disa has recently become Queen of her kingdom because it was devastated by the tidal wave that Elsa deflected with her magic at the end of Frozen 2. Which I think is actually a really good idea and def feels like a good repurposing of Frozen 2s original ending where Arendelle got destroyed. (For the record, I don't think Arendelle should have been destroyed. Like nothing in the movie justifies Arendelle being destroyed. It would have been one thing if like... the racist Arendellians had genuinely enslaved the Northuldra and forced them to build Arendelle. Because like, hey, I am totally for destroying things built by racist slavers.). But Disney said no to this too, because apparently "Elsa can't be the one in the wrong." SHE WOULDN'T BE IN THE WRONG THOUGH. HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW IT WOULD HIT SOMEWHERE ELSE. That sounds like the amazing premise for a character arc for Elsa. Sure, it's a bit of a retread of Frozen 1 in places, but I see so much potential in that. The damndest thing is that I swear Disney said the same thing about Rapunzel when Tangled the series was still ending. Like I saw some people hate that Raps and Cass never got much proper closure to the issues that drove them apart, because Rapunzel also was a bit to blame for driving Cass away and her turning evil. But no, we can't have narrative character nuanced storytelling with disney princesses.

But yeah, I am not fucking surprised. Ever since Disney started pulling bs with Queer representation in their works, I have never wanted Elsa to be made actually Queer in canon because good lord, I knew they'd try some shit like this. The fact the writer couldn't use Honeymaren because disney don't give a flying fuck about indingeous people, the fact she had to fight to make the replacement girlfriend for Elsa black, the fact she couldn't even make her actually have a crush on Elsa at all... God, writer of this story, I am so sorry Disney fucking screwed you over like this. I hope you're able to maybe write a fanfic version of your original ideas, maybe put Honeymaren back in as well. You deserve to tell the story you wanted to tell because it sounds much more worth it than whatever disney wanted to do.

Also for the record, I'm not blaming any of the actual people working on the movie for this. Jennifer Lee clearly seems like a decent woman and probably is very supportive of Queer Elsa stuff. No, I'm blaming Disney's fucking cowardly shitlib execs here. If you are going to be this fucking cowardly when it comes to representing marginalised people, then maybe those people are better off making their fanfics and orignal ideas apart from you. We don't need corporations to represent us. We don't need to be pandered to and we certainly don't need you to be dicks to the people in your companies wanting to represent themselves.

We can do it ourselves better than you.

I apologise for this long rant, really, I do, but as someone who has loved Elsa for so many years now... seeing this be done to her really fucking pisses me off.

I'm litteraly devasted after reading the whole Disa's creator conversation. But at least, it confirms Elsa is indeed intented in a possible queer subtext and that we are not crazy. A win is a win... I guess?

We might never get our canon lesbian snow queen. However it looks like we were kind of right since the beginning. So, it's not a complete lost and the homophobes can suck my clit!!!

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restlessreveries · 2 years ago

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Been feeling a bit rough today so I’m gonna yell about things that makes me happy.

So, scrambled headcanons about introductions/reactions/futures of Sym living in the colony after the negotiated peace ending. Because the game doesn’t elaborate nearly enough on this and I feel robbed.

(Yes I will assume a romantic Sym/Sol relationship here because I need the happy brain chemicals and that is a threat.)

Cal: Let’s start by kinda easing ourselves into this by starting with the character that I’ve got the least to say about. ‘Cause let’s face it, Cal and Sym would just get along. Probably be agriculture buddies. Sym’s got a lot to teach about Vertumna’s flora and fauna and Cal is there for it.

Anemore: Probably a rough start, let’s be fair. She did lose her brother to the Gardeners’ attacks so she’s probably not exactly eager to jump into a deep friendship. I reckon it takes some years even in the best of cases before she starts feeling at ease around this weird purple guy.

Then kind of out of the blue to everyone else, she beans him in the head with a sportsball (maybe a little bit harder than needed) and calls for him to return the ball and get on the court ‘cause they’re a player short. She doesn’t go easy on him from there though, but it’s a start and maybe it helps a bit that she gets some lowkey revenge by destroying him at sportsball.

In endings where she and Vace stuck with one another for too long she probably appreciates his support in helping look after the kiddos and just, you know, being a friend who is emotionally invested and supportive which she’d kinda need after Vace.

... I kinda like to picture a bit of a lowkey Sym/Nemmie thing but let’s store that thought away...

Tangent: Oh boy, um... gods I don’t even know how this one would go. I reckon it’s a really slow and rough start though, especially depending on if Dys went through with becoming a Gardener and isn’t there anymore. And then we’ve got the guilt of her almost having engineered a plague... I’m not sure if they ever get close tbh, but she might appreciate his expertise in all things Vertumnan and maybe share some soft comforting moments down the line where he’s helping her actually see the beauty of all the weird stuff that’s out there on Vertumna in a way that gives her more of an understanding of Dys’s perspective. On that topic...

Dys: You know, I said Cal was gonna be the one I had the least input on, but... I mean, they know each other already. They’ve got a good functioning thing. I’m not sure how Dys would take to Sym taking a much more active interest in human life by moving in there and hanging out with a wider crowd.

Maybe that other Sym/Dys/Sol path ends up elaborating a bit on this? But I don’t know... I kind of assume Dys goes the Gardener route eventually regardless.

Marz: She’s designing a new outfit for him within an hour of being properly introduced. I will stand and die by this line of thought. Honestly, I think she’d take fairly well to Sym, appreciating his attentiveness and questions as taking an interest in her life (which she always craves) even if she writes it off as just mantaining good relations with the Gardener’s representative because she’s into politics now, this is important. But yeah, she’s going to teach Sym about the finer more sophisticated points of humanity (or at least what she deems such).

... And I kinda like to headcanon that the kid she ends up having as a surrogate is for Sol and Sym to raise. “RAISE NONE OF YOUR OWN” GAME I SWEAR!. LET SYM BE A DAD! (obviously not genetically but you know what I mean)

Or you know what? People fuck about with their genetics so much in this game I bet they could add some Vertumnan DNA as an augment if nothing else. Tang can make it work. She owes me a solid favor anyway.

... Okay um, let’s get back on track.

Tammy: Bit of a rocky start since she’s kind of scared of everything Vertumnan. This lasts until about 4 seconds into the proper introduction when Sol mentions Tammy by name and Sym immediately starts going on about how much he loves her work and how splendid her craftsmanship is. Truly amazing, unmatched even. Tammy (and probably Cal) are confused as fuck until Sol, who is hysterially laughing, managed to share that they’ve been sneaking him Tammy’s baked goods for years now. +10 to Tammy’s confidence.

Also, you know, turns out Sym loves kids, him and Tammy will 500% bond over that. Even if she’s a little bit hesitant at first. But the kids just adores him too so hey, +1 babysitter too!

Rex: Once Rex is over the harsh realizarion that Sol beat him to getting with an alien I can only imagine that they get along well. It’s honestly kinda funny to imagine Sym being the one shamelessly flirted with and kind of unable to keep up with it. Wouldn’t surprise me terribly if they get casual with one another down the line in the case of an open to poly Sol.

Nomi: Gods above and below, I’m almost scared of the thought of these two hanging out together. You know they’d get along well. Sym might not match Nomi’s boundless energy, but I have no doubts he’d take well to their interests and have hour long discussions about anime and games. Sym trying to roleplay in that one game would be hilarious too, I bet he’d go actual ye olde english since he’s got recordings of human history.

Vace: ... I kind of like to imagine Vace coming face to face with Sym in a non-violent scenario and being faced with an intense existential crisis in that he finds Sym unmistakably hot and that he’s now got an alarmingly real interest in xenobiology that he just doesn’t know what to do with.

On a more realistic note, he’d probably be upsetti about a xeno living in the colony and tbh he can die mad about it.

Geranium & Fluorescent (aka dad and mom): Kinda shook, understandably. I mean, their kid has been dating an alien for a while now. How do you deal with that? I don’t even know, it’d probably take a while for it to even sink in.

I will however share the thought of Geranium trying to sit Sym down to give him the shovel talk and Sym being all excited about it because he’s seen this scenario in literature and it’s gonna be so fun to actually experience.

Flulu checks on them an hour later and finds that the nerds have just devolved into fanboying about plants, both Vertumnan and Earthen(?). Facepalms and has to try to do it right herself, but let’s be honest, the moment is kinda ruined. Things run pretty smoothly from there on then though.

... and this is unrelated to any canonical thing but just, if you’ve read this far and didn’t skip the Marz section. I like to imagine that a Sol/Sym kid is named “Noctem” just so Sym gets to see Noctilucent’s reaction on finding out that a human kid got named after him (them?).

And much to Noctilucent’s frustration, it’s strangely difficult to hate the kid.

#I was a teenage exocolonist #Exocolonist #Iwatex #Today I'm just gonna exitedly yell about things and not worry about if I annoy anyone #I crave sharing my interests #And ya'all are there so yeah

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strqyr · 3 years ago

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Ugh, the V8 commentary is not making me hopeful for Cinder redemption. It seemed like every time they talked about her it was "Oh yeah we wanted to make her backstory complex and sympathetic but we do NOT want people to like her. She's AWFUL and EVIL and only getting WORSE.

so. i've already gotten a few ask similar to this, and i've held off from answering simply because i wanted to wait for there to be more than one source summarizing the commentary – or preferably a transcription that leaves less room for interpretation of what was actually said – but that's probably going to take some time, so i guess i should just give my thoughts now lmao

the way i treat these commentaries is basically the same as the companion book: they obviously offer some insight to the writing decisions that were made and maybe even some characters, but they're also going to talk about them as the canon currently stands. they're not some not-so-secret treasure troves that give you spoilers for a price of a blu-ray. i mean, based on the summary i've read, they straight up glossed over the hound being a sew and how that affects ruby. that would seem like a big talking point that they'd like to address even in a "this has been planned for a while" way, but nope. not even risking spoilers.

which is to say, they're not going to talk about cinder in a way that's going to give away her redemption, if that is what they have in mind for her. she ended the volume with becoming more efficient villain; if they went ahead like "we want you to sympathize with her A LOT and this is only the beginning of her arc" when she just went through a small arc that already ended, that's just going to give the game away.

there's also the problem of tone and context that's completely missing from the summaries. unfortunately, that's something you can only get if you listen to the commentary yourself, and that's obviously not an option for everyone (it certainly isn't to me). and if there's anything i've learned over the years about the writers (and many other members of crwby, for that matter) is that they tend to have two ways of talking about characters: the very insightful way and the sort of blunt, jokey way that doesn't go very deep. ya know, kinda like the fandom does.

which is why knowing the tone is important. that isn't to say that the blunt, jokey way is somehow more wrong, but it is the quick and simple way to get something across without going on a long tangent... like i am currently doing lol

ultimately though... the show comes first. i'm not going to throw away years of potential build up just because the writers may or may not have said something in a commentary during which they have a limited amount of time to get their point across while being careful not to spoil anything.

this also goes for every character and storyline, not just cinder.

#rwby #cinder fall #anon #ask.strqyr

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isagisyoichi · 4 years ago

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PINKY STAR (RUN) :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

SYNOPSIS: isagi as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: isagi yoichi my boyfriend of many several years

WARNINGS: swearing? i think idk i forget also yah pretend they all go to the same school and stuff. also horribly self indulgent if u couldn't already tell

A/N: if you remember my old one delete it from your memory it was literally so bad help anyways the re-up because my boyfriend deserves better. also i really like this one and i feel like it’s more in character for him :P lol i've had this in my drafts for like, ever <3 but also my last post for a while because i have ap exams and my sat soon :P

FOR: the anon that asked me where my original isagi bf hcs went :’)

after the initial awkwardness of being in a new relationship fades and you two become comfortable with each other, a relationship with isagi would be like dating your slightly awkward best friend who you make out with sometimes.

like, i don’t really see isagi being high maintenance, so i feel like a relationship with him would definitely be on the relaxed side, but still romantic, you know?

isagi’s inner monologue is so funny and he definitely lets his thoughts out to you. it makes you laugh to see your usually friendly-to-all boyfriend have his moments, too.

you guys are one of those couples that give each other a look when someone’s doing something weird in public #telepathicconnection <3

but, isagi’s really such a sweetie with you. i know user isagisyoichi may be slightly biased when they say this, but believe me when i say that isagi’s 100% boyfriend material.

walks you to class whenever he can. always either holding your hand as he listens attentively to you complaining about school.

writes down things he feels are important about you in a digital note entitled “y/n 💗,” so he can remember them in the future.

isagi's used to talking to all kinds of people, so even if you're not the most talkative, he can adjust with no problem.

and he’ll always entertain you about whatever stupid conversation you wanna have.

kinda basic with pet names. babe, baby, dork (he would, i don’t wanna hear it), are his usual rotation.

randomly compliments you/says these really romantic things out of nowhere because he can’t control himself and often blurts things out.

“yeah, of course, when we get married, i’ll-”

“when we get married?” you inquire as you cut isagi off. you two have never discussed marriage, just but the thought of isagi wanting to spend the rest of his life with you is enough to make your head spin.

isagi’s eyes go wide when he realizes what he’s said. damn his mouth that moves faster than his mind.

swallowing hard and taking a breath, isagi says, “y-yeah, when we get married,” further affirming his statement with a nod, albeit a bit of a nervous one.

now both of you guys are flustered LOL.

likes to sit his head in your lap and have you play with his hair, while you two talk or just sit in silence.

such a good listener, perfect person to rant about anything with. he’s very understanding, he’ll hold you if you need him to, wipe your tears if you’re crying, give you advice if you need it, just overall so sweet.

also always knows when you're sad because of his intuition. isagi encourages you to open up to him, but ultimately doesn’t force you, just lets you know that he’s always there for you <3

(that's kind of lie because isagi does pry a little LOL, but he means well)

takes care of you! nags you a little, tries his best to make sure you're not doing anything stupid, and if you are, that someone responsible (him) is watching you, looks after you when you’re sick, etc.

gives you his jacket when you’re cold (he’s been waiting to do that his whole life bro LMAOO), carries your things, always texts you good morning and good night, just overall sooo good to you.

but as soft as he is for you, isagi does have this tendency to get these random spouts of confidence, so sometimes he’ll say or do something really bold out of nowhere.

like, he’ll suddenly grab your waist and pull you closer to him, or he’ll kiss you out of the blue. the flustered expression that rests on your face for a change always makes him smirk *heart eyes*

in general, though, isagi's still kind of awkward sometimes regardless and does say or do things that make you go "???" and make him be like "why did i do that" LOL he's so cute though <333

he’s pretty basic with dates, usually opts for things like restaurants, walks in the parks, movie nights, or stuff like that, but they’re still really fun!

but, if you ever want to do something out of the norm, he wouldn't be opposed to it, either. but, you do have to tell him ‘cause he's not a mind reader lol.

(okay but, one time, isagi tried to watch a scary movie with you because he wanted to do that thing where he wraps his arm around you during the scary parts, but HE ended up being scared instead 😭)

isagi’s the type to put your name with a heart emoji or the date you guys started dating in his instagram bio LOL

y/n 💓 IHS Forward #10 ⚽️ *insert some soccer quote about grinding*

it’s a bit middle school, but you let it slide because you know he just wants to show you off <3

study sessions are normal between you two but, you guys always get bored or distracted halfway through and start watching youtube or something LOL.

it’s canon he’s a thigh man lol, so if he ever sees you wearing an oversized shirt, especially one of his, with shorts, isagi will literally short circuit in real life.

he keeps his hand on your thigh when you guys cuddle that day, tracing patterns on your skin, or just squeezing it every now and then.

in general, though, isagi likes poking at and playing with them whenever they're out <3

once, isagi wanted you to do that trend on tiktok where he sits between your thighs and stuff, but he had no idea how to bring it up LOL

so, isagi just watched tiktoks of it in front of you and hoped eventually you would get the hint 🙄

and you did, thanks to his incredible lack of subtly. he doesn’t even care when you giggle and tell him how bad he is at being slick, isagi got your thighs around him, he won!!!!!!

takes a picture (or two or three) to savor the moment.

(even though he could literally just ask you to do it again in the future, but whatever, i guess)

when you’re dating isagi, the team comes with him too LOL

they’re always snapchatting you pictures of isagi when they’re hanging out without you, with stupid captions like, “look how sad your boyfriend is without you 😞”

isagi’s not even sad in the picture, he’s just confused as to why they’re shoving a camera in his face 😭

isagi one hundred percent attempts to get you to run the mile with him during gym if you don’t already.

“babe, just try!” isagi pants, as he catches up to you and your friends, as you guys are still on your second lap.

admittedly, the effort is cute, but beloved, i hate to break it to you- i will not be doing anything of the sort.

he will sit down or walk around with you after you finish the mile, though. if he’s not already playing soccer lollll.

when he does choose to go with you, expect exclamations from the team about how isagi “abandoned us for his little relationship” 👎

isagi’s receiving love language is words of affirmation (also basically canon LOL) so, he really values the compliments you give him with his whole heart.

you could tell him how his hair looks nice in the morning, and isagi will think about it all day.

whether it be about how cute he is, or how talented of a player he is, isagi really is happiest when you praise him <3

speaking of soccer, isagi has this tendency to get lost in the moment and talk your head off about some soccer related tangent that probably makes no sense to you.

his eyes light up and his voice is just oozing with passion for what he does as he goes into detail about how he made this crazy goal at practice while you stare at him with the biggest heart eyes ever, adoring his dedication.

and of course when isagi realizes he was rambling, he apologizes profusely for “boring” you, like the gentleman he is.

but when you reassure him that he could never bore you and that you want nothing more than for him to go on, isagi begins to feels lightheaded due to his adoration for you <3

if you're the type to go all out when it supporting isagi at soccer- like make one of those corny signs, yell from the crowd, wear his spare jersey to games, isagi will physically have to withhold his heart from jumping out his chest.

he's a little embarrassed that you're doing all that for him, but the effort means soooo much to him.

and speaking of soccer, it would mean a lot to isagi if you not only supported him at games and stuff, but expressed an interest in learning more about soccer as a whole, too.

you know, learn a little more about the game on your own accord, ask him to teach you how to properly play, or even challenge him to a one on one, do stuff like that, and he’ll literally be head over heels for you. well, more than he already is.

(he always goes easy on you on your guys 1v1's and he thinks your efforts are adorable, no matter how much you may or may not suck)

he'd repay the effort and try to get interested in whatever your hobbies are!

also, you can get him to do almost anything if you pout and beg hard enough, you’re literally so hard to say no to in isagi’s eyes <3

isagi’s the type to not realize when other people are flirting with him LOL

he just thinks they’re being nice (unless they’re being straight up) and i don’t think he would really process it because he’s so focused on you romantically, if that makes sense.

once he realizes you’re jealous, isagi apologizes earnestly, reassuring you over and over again that you're everything he could ask for and that he would never intentionally try to hurt you and all that jazz.

although, i will admit, sometimes isagi’s kinda smug when you're jealous, especially when it’s over a dumb reason 👎

however, when he’s jealous i feel like it could go one of two ways-

on normal days, isagi would just stand there to “intimidate” the other person, maybe cough a little for emphasis until they go away lol.

but on days where he’s already mad/filled with adrenaline/or someone’s really not taking a hint and you’re visibly uncomfortable- oh boy, it’s like a switch flips in him.

has those same fiery eyes he has during the climax of a game. the energy he’s exuding is dead serious, and that alone is enough for the person bothering you to go away. not bad for a man that’s only 5’8 🥰

adding on, isagi doesn’t take any shit about you, ever. even if it’s from his friends. usually isagi’s very neutral and doesn’t actively try to start conflict, but there are some things he’ll always defend and you’re one of them.

isagi always listens/watches/reads/etc whatever you recommend him (on that note, please recommend him good anime because isagi’s out here willingly telling people his favorite anime is darling in the franxx), even if he doesn’t necessarily like it LOL

you could show isagi objectively, the worst song ever and he would be like “yeah, it was good babe!” (it was not)

also does the same thing when you bring him shopping with you, like he's absolutely NO HELP 😭

you could try on the ugliest sweater known to man and he’d like “you look nice 🙂” pls be honest isagi, you can say it’s hideous!!!!!!

but isagi’s also being somewhat truthful in his statement because he does genuinely think you look nice in everything <3

also loves when you wear his clothes- always feels a mixture between pride and slight shyness?

kinda lol idk but overall, isagi really is sooo happy you wanna show him off that much, especially when you're wearing something of his around his friends :')

he says “i love you” first, no doubt.

he’s a bit nervous when he does because he doesn’t know if you’ll reciprocate, but he really does love you and he feels like he physically can’t hold it in anymore.

“i promise you don’t have to say it back!” isagi reassures anxiously. “i know it’s a really big commitment, and if it’s too early for you right now-”

“i love you, too.”

#queued #blue lock #bllk #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #isagi yoichi #isagi #isagi blue lock #isagi x reader #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi headcanons #isagi fluff #isagi imagine

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v2xe · 11 months ago

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i got too carried away and ended up hitting the tag limit 🫠 hope it's alright if i just put this here instead

#SDJFGSDFNM asgsdfasd AGSDF GURGLES LIKE IM CHOKING ON MOUTHWASH FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD#I CANT BELOIEVE IM ONLY SEEING THIS FIVE DAYS AFTER IT WAS POSTED good lird#see i understand why there would be a split in the fandom abt this bc there is also a split in tumblr user v2xe#when i first played my reading was that sarah and jack's relationship was INTENDED to be portrayed as romantic#only the writers kind of expected them sharing some friendly lines + jack being the protag and sarah#being the princess would be enough for the audience to go “ah yes. romance”#and that the tragic and borderline romantic subtext jack has w astos was just incidental in the way it happens when writers#accidentally end up developing male characters and their relationships more than female ones#esp since se's games' track record w this is…….not great#(<-she is haunted by secondhand accounts from the tranches of ff16's writing)#and tbh i was ready to just assume this was my own little interpretation where it isn't that deep but it could be. and i could just build#myself a fun little sandbox in the hole i dug where the story could have expanded certain themes further but didn't#but after reading that one interview where the writers were like "maybe sarah was in love with him maybe she was just infatuated with what

#he represented" i turned into one of those shitty gore stick figures because what the fuck!! the writing agrees??#which meshes perfectly w her being sheltered which!! while i thought abt it i never really went into it like this and it makes!! sense!!#& a the same time yeah!! sarah IS a symbol. which having played ff1 i think was a cool way to go about expanding her role from that gam#oh so she's a symbol? she's a reward? the motivator that pulls you along to start your journey? ok fine then. i'll give you a Symbol#and if you asked me i think jack genuinely cared/s(?) about her (just not in a romantic sense)#and unlike other things i say here i can say w 100% confidence that the writers wanted us to notice he cares#like it always fascinated me how in the jp version jack's speech patterns change DRASTICALLY whenever he's speaking to sarah#idk much japanese but the formal/respectful way he spoke stood out massively compared to his usual form of speech#i get that this could be harder to portray in english without seeming unnatural but i'm sad they didn't include this tbh#bc we don't see him talk to ANYONE like this in the game i believe- not the king or queen not astos not anyone#they WANTED you to notice. they put a big neon sign pointing at jack and sarah there's SOMETHING important here#(tangent for some reason the spanish version got this backwards and it's ash and jed who address sarah formally while jack speaks in the same blunt manner...but that#version was so rushed it still has placeholder text in the script so i woulnt put too much faith in it having like…authorial intent lmao)

#& in general there are some very slight differences between the eng and jp ver that imo carry v different implications?#like how in eng jack just kinda sounds annoyed at sarah's request and his “of course” comes across as exasperated and sarcastic rather than#genuinely polite- which makes the scene of him tapping his foot seem like an intentional gesture of “stfu already” rather than “desperately#trying to contain the wave pure compulsive rage that drives me for 2 minutes so i can be polite to this girl" yknow? #anyway what i mean is that its interesting how his affection for sarah was also "weaponized" for the plan like the one he has for his friends #and yet sarah's role is more as a symbol than an emotional catalyst? to me at least-& i keep wondering WHY it's diff for her in particular #&it's not bc she was WRITTEN poorly i feel-if the writers did fall for that kind of trap we wouldn't have sophia or neon imo #it almost feels like theres all these conspicuous arrow signs pointing at something but i cant fucking see what it is??

#but after reading this i can see how that was kinda the point i think #at the end of the day this is jack's story. and us experiencing everything from his pov at all times is a big part of why the story works so well #it makes sense he wouldn't care for anyone's emotions or inner thoughts until it's too late- therefore the game doesn't show them #& sadly that includes sarah and what's going through her head #bc i kind of wish we couldve seen more of it- what was she thinking as she died? what did she feel? was it clean and straightfoward? #hope? despair? sadness? nothing at all? too many things at once? did she feel betrayed as she remembered? did she feel resentment for the #one man who could change her world by watching her die? how was she any different from the organic reconoissance unit Iving dead in a floati #-ng island somewhere surrounded by dead bats and FUCK I haven't even talked about astos yet #it's a tragedy that despite them having canonically interacted multiple times we never get to hear any of it :(( #tho i have to put a big * on all this because i know that this could very much be me critiquing the game on what i WISH it did #rather than on how it archieved what it was actually trying to do #imo sarah has the markings of god's little lamb(symbol of hope) most likely to be slaughtered #dare i say final fantasy's very own anthy himemiya #there's something about a character whose purpose is to essentially be a symbol #and who is also a sheltered young woman whose hopefulness is not a flaw but who is perhaps too idealistic for her own good that really intrigues me!! #and from that view i like how you can see her unwavering idealism as sheltered naivety or as something good and celebrated(? in the narrative #anyway sarah both as a character and how she fits into jack's story leave so so much room for fun stuff and i really appreciate that #in a better world i think they would have a lovely friendship

#ok running out of power now so ill stop and hope this doesnt read like gibberish or realize i missed sth if i reread it in the morning #i am so so sorry for the wall of tags none of this has much of a throughline this is just thought vomit bc this post made me Think #by which i mean this post is rearranging my brain and activating neural pathways i didn't even know i had rn #& in all seriousness im so so so glad i saw this!! even if i wish i had done it sooner!! its great to read someone's thoughts like this <33

"You Never Forget Your First Love."

The other day, a mutual (hi! you know who you are I think probably hello hi! thank you for the Posting Impetus!) said something that made me curious (for, like, the 80th time, actually; lol. I Have Thoughts) about something: what's the split on people who subscribe to the "Stranger of Paradise probably intended for us to believe that Jack & Sarah were in love" mindset, vs. not? In general, but ESPECIALLY around these parts.

I genuinely didn't read it that way myself (& I do NOT normally give media (general) this much credit, but the writing in this game is sublime; I had no choice but to fully engage Scholar Mode on it), + I think it's interesting that SPECIFICALLY any of my fellow tumblr people / AO3-heads / Gay People Online / etc. seem to have. (I expect nothing from people who haven't been basting themselves in the same online sub-subcultures as me for over a decade. They're allowed to write wrong things on wikis, and have done so already; it's whatever.)

I wanna metapost badly again, so let's go. Join me. No poll. If you have an opinion on this, I'm looking directly into your eyes and beckoning you towards your own keyboard + also the reblog button / comment section, like a weird ghost. What did you think when you first played the game?? What do you think right now? What are you about to think after you have read a bunch of my words. Tell Me. I Need To Know This.

Spoilers for, idk, everything? Today we will use everything we've got to talk about Princess Sarah.

1. As a Narrative Element

This game makes a point of referring to Sarah as things like "a symbol of hope and peace" as often as possible, & when it isn't doing that she's usually in the role of An Object Or Device Of Some Kind, anyway. She's important because she's capable of holding light and dark in balance & SOMEONE'S gotta hold onto this dark crystal for safekeeping, and also we're gonna need to upset that balance on purpose later. There's that conversation in the Wicked Arbor about whether the Strangers would "choose" her (as opposed to "treasure") as the "reward" for succeeding in their mission[1], & there's the one in the Sunken Shrine where Jed asks Jack what he thinks of her and Jack says that he doesn't care about her as a person[2] BUT that protecting her is mission-critical (lol), too.

Sarah's death is metaphorically charged. It's the point of no return: the dark crystal breaks, the balance of light & dark gets extremely ruined, & Literally All The Darkness In Cornelia converges in one place (Fool's Missive XXVII). That's the payoff for the "symbol of hope and peace" motif, and communicating this idea that "the metaphorical light of hope just For Real Died, Like Catastrophically Imploded, No Take-Backs" feels to me like it was the highest priority here. Second-highest goes to "Jack had way more humanity before, but he set it aside on purpose and is actively in the middle of losing the rest of it." "Sort of." "I'm not getting into what counts as humanity or doesn't because if I did we would be here forever."

Basically, I'm saying that the tidiest read on the situation is "Jack despairs because Sarah dying means in a very literary and final way that everything is ruined forever, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with, like, Love (romantic)." I don't think the text of the game is particularly signaling that Love (romantic) is involved, and I think that if it meant to, it would be more obvious about it. You could bundle "an romance" into the "humanity" thing if you wanted to, but I'm not inclined to, based on some additional list items that you can read below this one.

[1] The fact that Neon ALSO says she feels bad for her for being thought of in this way only reinforces my conviction that the game is pointing at Sarah & yelling "REMEMBER THAT SHE IS MOSTLY A SYMBOL!", tbh. Who wants to go point out how freaky the mechanics of Being An Royalty are w/ me and the boys??

[2] I will give the Wiki WrongPosters this: I can totally see this as some kind of irony thing, given that he's still missing like a fucktillion of his memories when he says it. However! As mentioned above, I have other reasons not to read it as evidence that he was ever, like, romantically interested in her.

2. As a Sheltered Youth™

We don't have a TON of information to work with RE: Sarah as, like, a person, but here are a couple of hard facts to start with: she's 19 (per the data book, but she'd have to be somewhere in the 18-to-early-20's age range regardless or her whole deal wouldn't really make much sense, imo. She's a baby...!), and she's royalty. I think this ties into her utility as a walking metaphor, among other things; she's archetypically young, fresh, & idealistic. I'd call her naïve but the game obviously isn't interested in portraying it as a weakness, so positive words only; why not.

You could argue that people look to her as a symbol of hope because she hasn't directly experienced enough strife to exhibit hopelessness or fear in response to bad news in the abstract. I find it interesting that before Jack, like, knocks the wind out of her & tells Sophia to take her outside so she can see for herself how bad things have gotten at the end of the game, she says that her duty is to die with her people if she has to, & it doesn't even seem to occur to her that she could lead at least some of them away to safety...? When she changes her mind, she still talks about herself as a symbol before she ever uses the word "leader". She sees HERSELF in terms of symbols and metaphors, and takes action based on her designated role As One Of Those. Not very practical.

There's also the dialogue you can have with the queen the first time you're allowed to run around in the throne room at the beginning of the game, where she asks Jack to smile in front of her daughters (NOT just Mia; daughters, plural). Even if she only means "dude can you be polite please," the fact that this is The thing she has to say to Jack is telling. Is it going to upset your 19-year-old daughter to see that the Guy Whose Job It Is To Kill Monsters looks serious? Why do you think this? Does your 19-year-old daughter understand how serious the situation is, generally speaking? Do you not WANT her to for some reason? Boats don't work anymore unless a weird elf messes with them first. Not thinking very hard about the implications of this is something a sheltered person does.

Residual time loop un-memories aside, a young woman in this situation is so obviously going to have a huge crush on Jack Garland no matter what. He Is So Cool, first of all, & he's also Different from the adult men she gets to see on an everyday basis (family, guards, rando townspeople[3]...). It's not like the political social scene could POSSIBLY be thriving in this world, either; it all seems to be one kingdom we're dealing with and they're kind of busy with the external threat of being Under Fucking Attack By Monsters. Does she even get fun treats like "handsome visiting dignitaries" & what-have-you? The game doesn't present us with any potential options, here. Jack is mysterious, he has special-boy Warrior of Light status, his one job & apparent life's purpose is protecting the kingdom she loves, he's pretty nice to her (even in later cycles he at least goes out of his way to be polite!), & additionally, he's shredded. THIS makes sense to me.

There's a Q&A in the data book that has something to say about JACK as a symbol & what that has to do with this whole thing but we'll get there. We'll get there.

[3] Tangent: what's up with how Cornelia's entire adult male population appears to consist of aging queens. Why did they only make models that look Like That for the NPCs? It's awesome but I have 1 quastion

3. JACK JUMPSCARE !

I'm not about to say that he's just humoring her, or anything, but please humor ME for one second & put yourself in Jack's shoes. Not the default shoes; we can have more fun than that. Maybe the Banded Boots. Blurple ones? Shaped like a cartoon would wear them? Big spikes on the back for no reason? I love those things. Anyway, you're Jack. You're working for literally the king, & the work means Everything to you for reasons you can't even necessarily explain except to say that it JUST does. The king's eldest daughter (very young adult; Never Been Outdoors; a little overly-sociable but nice enough & what do you expect from a princess, anyway) has imprinted on you like a duckling for whatever reason. You would be nice to this person, yes? You'd be patient with her while you're in town. You have Brutal Murders to be doing, but not until, like, 2 days from now, or whatever; you're sharing space with her in some capacity in the meantime & it's in your best interests to keep her happy. (You probably even enjoy doing this, if you're Jack of a Way Earlier Cycle; I'm in no way ruling that out. Sharing your music collection with an enthusiastic Baby Adult? That's fun. I think he was probably having fun. Okay, you can step out of the fun purple shoes if you want; the Humoring Me Minute has concluded; thanks.)

Also, @2000sanimeop and I think that if Jack felt that way about her Astos would have been a little More Something about how much it was gonna suck for him when she died. In Fool's Missive XXVII he uses the word "painful," but that's about it. He doesn't even bring it up in XXV, which is the one where he says he's curious about whether she'd survive being turned into a fiend (side note: Astos fucking rocks. Why did he write that down?? I love him). & Hey SPEAKING OF ASTOS,

4. I wouldn't put Jackstos on a wiki, either.

The writing in Stranger of Paradise, SERIOUSLY, WITHOUT EXAGGERATION, is some of the best I've seen in literally anything ever. It suits not just its medium but also its sort of Place in History Relative to Other Video Games & the things it chose to DO with that medium & that niche INSANELY well. It is CUSTOMIZED. It's SO INTENTIONAL. I can't get too far into this or we'll be here all day, but the essence of what I want to say here is: there are relatively few facts presented to us by this game, compared to the implications we can go about drawing from those facts & other, external sources of context.

Sarah calls Jack her first love; that's a fact. No facts are presented to us that REALLY say much one way or the other[4] about what Jack thinks of this, himself; "fucktillion memories missing" Jack says he doesn't care, but he's missing a fucktillion of his memories, and DLC2 Jack has a set of dialogue options (hi Anne the Malboro I love you Anne the Malboro) that can point either way depending on what the player chooses, which is kind of nothing, on balance. As the audience, we can (should!) draw whatever conclusion we want about it, but none of those conclusions are text.

[4] I WILL GET TO THE DATA BOOK IN ONE SECOND. HOLD ON.

And, okay, please let me level with you. Let's be on the same page. Jack & Astos had some kind of thing going on, imo, OBVIOUSLY, but I want to be CLEAR and I want to get CREDIT for the things I'M bringing to the table to help generate this conviction. I drew that conclusion & I read that reading based on subtext, context, personal history, personal preference, & sheer gay zest for life. It is also, emphatically, NOT TEXT.

Astos refers to Jack with the ol' "...friend" in Fool's Missive XXI. He calls him "my Jack" in Fool's Missive XXXI. Canonically, textually, he has some big fucking COMPLICATED fucking feelings about this man. These are facts. If you're playing this game as Some Guy, I can see how you could potentially absorb these facts & still pay them much less regard[5] than I did & continue to. My argument here is that god I wish I lived in a world where Some Guy could extend the same courtesy to me and not treat Sarah's textual affection for Jack as something that necessarily indicates Some Kind Of Reciprocal Romantic Whatever, Definitely, Obviously, Of Course.

[5] Longer Tangent: I have been informed that the Some Guys of the world are currently pretty good at Recognizing a character that behaves in a way that's Pretty Gay, but tend to stop there, possibly for the combined reasons that A. they're not very familiar with a lot of the the ways gay relationships often work (you know, soul resonance. mutual recognition. sharing a brain etc.) and B. the Object Of Affection is usually the player character and they subconsciously shy away from thinking of a Guy They're Supposed To Identify With as gay. This is practically a lead-in to an entire separate post I could make, so I'll leave it at that, lol.

The writing is too good for that kind of assumption! I'M SERIOUS!! It's mind-blowingly subtle & endlessly fascinating to hold up to the light & view from every possible angle, and "Jack & Sarah were in love" + "Jack & Astos were in love" are BOTH ANGLES. I'm personally very very interested in giving the text credit for that. I think it's impressive. I think it's really, really cool, and I think it was on purpose. Speaking of which,

5. Word of God agrees with me, btw

This is from the Q&A section on page 156 of the Confidential File. The translations below are my own (I think they're straightforward enough, but lmk if you know more than me & I'm actually being stupid in there somewhere. Alt text has the JPN, if you want to copypaste it or something). Someone asked:

Why is it that you established Garland as someone Sarah has a romantic interest in?

The answer is from Daisuke Inoue (director, one of 3; the other 2 are from Team Ninja; he's from Square Enix):

That was because, from a narrative standpoint, we wanted Sarah to be the kind of person who holds onto hope. You can imagine that she saw the "hope" to save the world in Jack, a potential Warrior of Light. Sarah is seen by her people as a symbol of a bright future, but if there were nobody to give her hope, that might destabilize her emotionally. As for whether she felt genuine love for Jack, or just mistook her feelings of admiration towards him for "first love," we'll leave that to your interpretation.

The first time I read this, I thought the question was implying the aforementioned Reciprocal Something, but on closer inspection that doesn't even seem to be true! "思い人" seems to indicate a directional relationship; as in, the question assumes that Jack is an object of affection to Sarah, but assumes nothing about what Jack thinks.

Also, the answer uses the word "初恋" (hatsukoi), which is a very established Concept as far as "first love" goes, but in that one cutscene, Sarah says "初めての恋" (hajimete no koi), which is. Different, but I couldn't tell you how, lol. It's Not The Exact Same Phrase, but I'm not sure whether it's meaningfully different in this context. If I had to guess, I'd say that IF ANYTHING it could be a way of saying "first love" without invoking the cultural CONSTRUCT of First Love (as much)? But it's whatever. The localization holds up. All sources show that Sarah had Feelings about Jack, and all sources CONSPICUOUSLY neglect to mention Jack's feelings about her.

It was on purpose. This is my license to be as annoying as I want for one second here. I am right. All the other writing in this game is notably subtle, efficient, intentional, and skilled, AND ALSO, WHEN do you ever see anyone write such a richly beautiful, mostly-subtextual relationship between two men, which can easily be read as a romantic thing, and NOT explicitly canonize a very possible romantic relationship between at least one of those men and a woman, like not even in an interview or anything. What the fuck, man.

I'm putting away the Respectable Scholar Hat now. This is so funny. The person asking this question didn't EVEN go as far as assuming Jack & Sarah had any kind of Actual Romance going on, & the answer STILL dials it back to "she might have been conflating her feelings about Jack AS A SYMBOL with actual affection, also. We'll let you decide : ) ". This game is everything ever.

#sop #veeposting

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