#yeah hes genocidal but boy is he a CUTIE!

[vannss4206980085]

nomad my problematic fave

[baltimorebullets]

BACK AT IT, this time with BIRD (2024) and A REAL PAIN (2024). topics include CHILD ABUSE/NEGLECT, SUICIDE, and GENOCIDE! as always these are MOSTLY MY THOUGHTS ON THINGS and NOT EVEN NECESSARILY ABOUT THE CRAFT (TM)

BIRD - dubiously gendered black white trash representation ???

nah for real though like. damn. damn. the thing i loved most about it is primarily that it exists and was so wholly dedicated to seeing what it depicts, even through the hallucinogenic frog situation, and it's hard to convey that in a secondary form.

i guess the most pressing thing to me is the awareness that this movie, in america, is rated R, which means it's Not For Kids, and especially in the age of censorship we live in are barreling into an even worse state, which is like—

so, in the florida project, the whole thing is that Bad Situations TM are not so obviously bad, and are, in fact, maybe not in fact so morally bad and dirty, if you have an ounce of sympathy in your heart.

bailey of bird is still a kid. but she's too old to buy into bullshit, too. her perspective through this film is, if not a true neutral, then a sort of honest that feels very important, and real. there's a split, watching something as an adult, and thinking, "oh ho ho ho. oh no." and wanting to protect kids and yada yada. but there's also the reality that so, so, so many people live through, that kids are living through, and it's just. like. fucked. that we """protect""" kids from """adult""" themes that are absolutely their lives. and it's the sort of thing that happened to cuties (2020), where that protective, paranoid flinch completely overwhelmed meaningfully engaging with the story, the reality of what kids live through. like we have to keep proving Pedos Bad and Violence Bad and Drugs Bad like that reflexive, overwhelming disgust is a hot take instead of deeply embedded in our culture, a culture that, uh, ultimately does fuck-all to effectively protect vulnerable kids. and when those kids are left shouldering those experiences, and the disgust and the judgment and the shame, and we can't talk about them, with them part of the conversation, because then we might taint The Good Kids—

i don't know where i'm going with this. it's a truly beautiful movie. i do think it's notable how much stress and tension comes within bailey's life — how much love and community — and how it took a character who checks a lot of conservative narrative Potential Predator boxes to give her some fresh perspective. i wish— i don't know. for a million things. i wish panic and fear and anger was less contagious; but i get it, too. sometimes i get bowed over that i am too much for a lot of people, and i just developed an anxiety disorder, nevermind the true breadth of human experiences, that people claaaim to care about—

also fuck the guardian for calling this movie "feral" and saying the director was coming from a place of empathy. it's just real, bitch! we out here!

A REAL PAIN - hoo boy. also a beautiful movie, but talking about it —it's hard to know where the line between appropriate sympathy and Uncomfortable When Not About Me is.

there's a part in a real pain where benji, culkin's character, snaps at their gentile holocaust tour guide that, perhaps, he could stop listing off little factoids just sit in the reality of them being in a cemetery, where real people actually died.

so a reoccurring thought in my Sea of Things I Feel Guilty About, is that i sometimes worry that how i relate to jewish pain, jewish struggle for identity post-calamity is inappropriate, appropriative, dodging the real question, whatever. part of that is, like, having been expelled from whiteness, if i get the same test on What It Means To Be Black, and fail, i am beyonddd fucked. i might already be fucked. certainly there is a critical mass of people who already view my existence as a dilutive betrayal, and i have hard time counterarguing, other than "ow." but being clocked as a goy? yeah for sure no problems, no doubts. i'm just trying to listen, and hopefully listen well. and if i don't, hey, that's fair and expected. we can keep things moving.

the other part of this movie that's hard to talk about is, like—

there was this standup bit i saw forever ago at this point that seems to have been scrubbed from the internet, but i think it was by mitch hedberg, but, again, impossible to be sure at this point, that basically boiled down to, when everyone is talking about a death by suicide like, oh, such a tragedy, unimaginable, why would they... while you're standing there like, "what do you meannn you can't imagine why they did it, lol."

and i'm, like, fine, i'm doing fine, i am semi-recently, ironically doing fine, and it's annoying to have to say i'm fine, because the switch between fine and haha lol was so completely arbitrary. the pro | con list never budged. and it was. uhhh. weird, i suppose. to get an outside perspective on The Logic. The State of Being. and i guess it's in the name. like. they're on a fucking holocaust tour, before visiting the home of their dead grandmother. those are some real fucking pains. benji wants them to be a true, meaningful pain, while they're on a little commercial vacation, and their grandmother's childhood home is just some house, and he experiences that tension so obviously.

and like. when cheslie kryst died. and people were like but she's so beautiful and smart and successful. and there was a brief awareness that black women and children are dying by suicide at a massively increasing rate. and i was just like. well. the absolute fuck are you really wondering about. be serious. be so fucking serious. there's no god or justice or peace or fairness or better or—

my thing is, i don't still think these conclusions are incorrect. and i think that's the real frustration benji (and i) run into. like if we were wrong about things then that means things could be different and then we could feel different. and if we are right about things, and if we are in fact loved or at least liked occasionally and insightful and yada yada then why the fuck—

and also why the fuck can other people just—

a million things. a million things, and whether i (or benji) feel, in my heart or whatever, like a life defined by the effects of capitalism and bigotry and impending doom is "worth" "it" is, ultimately, not actually defined by rationale. it is literally a feeling. the scales can be so heavily weighed, or not, but it is just a feeling. and that's some fucking bullshit. but it's real.

this is also, like, a very charming movie. eisenberg's writing really had a way of pinpointing moments that define a relationship. benji wants to fuck jennifer grey so bad. this is also real.

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (ch 15)

Chapter 15

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12, ch 13, ch 14, ch 15

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 2,459

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​ @fallenstar-7​​​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing…

              Catalina was nervous. She had changed her outfit almost ten times and was already pulling a sweater out of her closet for an eleventh. She eyed her suitcase in the corner of her room. No, don’t open it, you’ll have to repack, she told herself. Her phone buzzed from her bed. It was a text from Jungkook.

JK: I’m on my way

              “Shit,” Catalina mumbled. She looked between the sweater in her hand and the one laying on the floor. The one in her hand was a bit nicer so she pulled that one on. She tucked it into her skirt, then slipped into her ankle boot heels. As she was checking her hair and makeup in the bathroom mirror for the last time, she heard her front door open. Rounding the corner, she saw Jungkook standing in the hallway, tapping the snow off his boots on the rug. Catalina grabbed her coat.

              “You look so cute!” he said as she came over for a hug.

              “I always look cute, what are you talking about?” she said. He grinned, his nose scrunching up and his eyes turning to crescents. He looked good too, in a turtleneck under his peacoat. It was amusing to her, knowing that he still had a few lingering marks on his neck. They had both dealt with enough teasing from their friends over the past few days, they definitely didn’t need Jungkook’s family on that train as well.

              “Ready to go?” he asked. Catalina nodded and followed him out the door, locking up behind her.

              The car ride was short, only a minute or two since they lived a block away from each other. There were two other cars in the driveway, which Jungkook parked behind. As they got out of the car, Jungkook said, “So, my brother is kind of annoying. Just warning you. He’s in law school and he’s a bit of an asshole about it.”

              “Be an asshole about your film major right back to him,” said Catalina, making him laugh.

              “Easy,” he said. “I’ll just start talking about my favorite directors and artsy films.”

              His house was warm and inviting, as it always was, but today, it was cleaner than Catalina’s seen it in a long time. Maybe ever. A small Christmas tree stood in the corner, decorated with mismatched bulbs and ornaments.

              Jungkook’s mom came out of the kitchen, pulling oven mitts off her hands. She saw Catalina and her eyes lit up.

              “Catalina! It’s so good to see you!” she said, pulling her into a hug. “I’m glad you could make it.”

              “Yeah, me too!” Catalina said. “I never get to see you guys, so I’m glad to be able to spend some time with you all.”

              “Of course, you’re always welcome,” she said. “My husband and I are always so busy with work, I feel bad. Anyway, come into the kitchen. The food’s almost ready. Jungkook, go help set the table.”

               Dinner was beautiful, and Catalina had fun listening to Jungkook’s family try to embarrass him by sharing childhood stories. He wasn’t embarrassed though, always laughing with the table and sharing his own details about the experiences. It sounded like the family hiked and camped a lot while the boys were growing up, so there were plenty of adventure stories to go along with that. Catalina asked about his parent’s jobs and they told her about what they do at the hospital during their overnight shifts. They were both nurses, but they also did volunteer work every chance they got. Jungkook’s brother was indeed a bit of an asshole about being a law student, but Jungkook cracked everyone up by talking about his favorite film, “Persepolis”, pronouncing it “Pear-say-po-li”.

               Catalina had a great time, but she didn’t stay too late since her and Jungkook had a flight to catch in the morning. Jungkook dropped her off at home that night, kissing her softly in the car before she got out.

               “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said. “I’ll pick you up at six.”

               “I can’t wait,” she said, pecking his lips once more before getting out of the car. “I love you.”

               “I love you too,” he said.

               It feels so good to say that, Catalina thought as she took the stairs to her apartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

               The airport was crowded with people rushing to travel for the holidays. Catalina was thrumming with excitement. She hadn’t seen her mom since before her first semester. She had never lived away from her home before, never away from her mom for so long. She couldn’t wait to see her, and to introduce Jungkook to her. They found their flight easily enough in the giant building, and soon enough, they were in the air, en route to Detroit.

               Catalina’s mom was waiting for them at the airport when they landed. As soon as Catalina exited the gates, she ran, giving her mom a long hug.

               “Oooh, dios mio, how I’ve missed you!” her mom said, holding her tight.

               “I missed you too, mom,” said Catalina. She pulled away and looked over at Jungkook. “Mom, this is my boyfriend, Jungkook.”

               “What a cutie you are!” her mother said as she gave Jungkook a hug as well. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

               “It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Diaz,” said Jungkook.

               “Ms. Diaz. Or you can just call me Lucía. Come, lets go home,” she said. “This place is too crowded.”

               Catalina sat in the passenger seat of her mom’s car on the way home. It wasn’t a long drive, their house was just outside of the city. During the drive, she wondered if she should reach out to her old friends. They had never once texted or checked up on her while she was away, so maybe it was best to leave them behind.

               The house looked exactly the same as when she last saw it and it gave her a sense of comfort to come back to the familiarity. After Catalina and Jungkook got settled into her old room, her mom called them downstairs to help bake cookies. While baking, Catalina and Jungkook told her all about their classes and professors. After the cookies came out, they had fun decorating them in weird and interesting ways. Jungkook decorated a gingerbread man with red eyes and fangs, which Catalina took a picture of to send to their friends.

               Later in the evening,  Lucía took them all out to dinner at a nice place in downtown Detroit. The restaurant was beautiful; bistro lights dripped from the ceiling, branching out from the twisting paper tree in the center of the dining room. Over dinner, Catalina told her mother about her friends in California, and about their trip to the lodge. Her and Jungkook left out the parts about their friends being vampires.

               “I want to know how the two of you got together,” said Lucía. “She didn’t date much in high school, so this is so exciting to me.”

               “I had a girlfriend in my senior year,” Catalina mumbled. Lucia waved a hand.

               “That doesn’t count,” she said. Catalina glanced at Jungkook, who was frowning after hearing this exchange. Catalina put a hand on his knee under the table and decided not to argue.

               “Well, we met in our French class,” Catalina started. “We became friends and we hung out a lot for the first few months of the semester. I mean, I never really knew I had a crush on him at first, I knew he was attractive, but I only saw him as a friend. Then one day, he kissed me, and we’ve been an item ever since.”

                Lucía had a hand over her heart as she listened.

               “That’s so sweet,” she said. “You two are a beautiful couple and I can see you’re so happy with each other. I’m just…so relieved that you found a nice boy and-“

               “Mom,” Catalina interrupted.

               “I just didn’t want you to fall back into those high school phases you were in,” she said. “I was so worried I would lose you to the wrong kind of people. There’s so many influences online these days and I just wanted you to be successful in life. That kind of lifestyle comes with drugs and-“

               “I’m gonna go to the restroom,” Jungkook said, standing up and giving her shoulder a squeeze.

               “Mom, stop it,” Catalina said. As soon as Jungkook was out of sight, she said, “My boyfriend is bisexual too. And so are some of my other friends at school. They’re all amazing people and I would do anything for them. I don’t like when you say things like this.”

               “Catalina, you know I love you no matter what,” her mother said. “I just want the best for you.”

               “It’s not something anyone can control,” Catalina said. “Whether I fall in love with a man or a woman, I’ve always hoped you could be happy for me no matter what.”

               “I am happy for you,”  Lucía said, reaching over to take Catalina’s hand. “You’re following your dream and you seem so happy with your life right now. I think I need to get used to the idea of my daughter being bisexual, there’s just so many bad connotations that come with that community. At least from when I was growing up.”

               “Things are different now,” Catalina said.

               “I know, I know,”  Lucía said. “I think I just need to get used to this. At the end of the day, I just want you to be safe and happy. I think a man would be able to provide for you better later in life.”

               “You of all people should know that’s not true,” Catalina said. “You raised me alone, and we were always pretty well off.”

                Lucía raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “You got me there.”

               Catalina giggled and squeezed her mom’s hand.

               “I love you, cariña,”  Lucía said. “Just remember that.”

               “I love you too, mom,” said Catalina.

               Jungkook came back and Catalina took his hand as soon as he sat down.

               “I’m sorry if what I said earlier was offensive,”  Lucía said to him.

               “It’s okay,” Jungkook said, flashing a smile.

               “I’m trying, it was just so different when I was young,” she said.

               “It’s really okay,” Jungkook said with a chuckle. “This sounds exactly like the conversation I had with my own mom when I was sixteen.”

                Lucía laughed and the conversation turned to the topic of Jungkook’s family. Dinner went on peacefully. Catalina was glad she got this conversation off her chest. She had been struggling with that topic ever since she came out in high school. It really sounded like her mother was trying to understand, and Catalina couldn’t be more grateful.

               The next day was Christmas Eve. Catalina and Jungkook took a day trip to Frankenmuth, which, as soon as they arrived, they realized was a bad idea. Frankenmuth was packed with people, but the pair still managed to have a good time. They ate dinner at the Bavarian Inn and took a carriage ride around the town. They walked the underground mall and the outdoor shops, but only bought gifts for Lucía, since everything was terribly overpriced. They didn’t even shop for each other, since they both confessed they had already bought each other Christmas gifts a long time ago. Snow covered the ground and everything was wrapped in Christmas lights in the little town. Just walking through the beautiful scenery hand in hand with Jungkook was wonderful. 

               They returned home late that evening, wrapping their gifts in Catalina’s room and going to bed afterwards.

               Christmas morning was pleasant;  Lucía cooked them a big breakfast, then they opened gifts in the living room. Catalina had two gifts from her mom. The first one was a Visa gift card and a heartfelt letter. The second gift was a quilt. Each patch depicted a different cat from t-shirts, towels and linens.

               “You’re grandmother started making this before she passed away,”  Lucía said. “You remember her nickname for you?”

               “Gatita,” Catalina said, tears prickling her eyes.

               “I found it just recently and I decided to finish it for you,”  Lucía said. “Just something to remember her by, something your children can use.”

               Catalina felt a tear run down her cheek. She wiped it away and got up to hug her mom.

               “This is wonderful,” said Catalina. “I love it so much.”

               “I’m glad you like it, cariña,” her mom said, hugging her back tight. “I know I don’t have a lot for you, like when you were a kid, but I didn’t want you to have to lug a bunch of stuff back to California with you.”

               “No mom, it’s perfect,” she said. “This is perfect.”

                Lucía then opened Catalina’s gift, which was a silver bracelet from Frankenmuth. Jungkook had gotten her a handmade scarf and hat set, and she had given him another Visa gift card.

               At some point during the day, Catalina made sure to find time for herself and Jungkook. Lucía went to pick up groceries in the afternoon, which was when Catalina took the opportunity to give Jungkook his gift.

               They were pressed together on the couch, both holding a little gift bag in their hands.

               “You first,” Jungkook said, handing her his bag. She took it and opened it, finding a little box in the bottom. Her heart beat fast as she opened it, revealing a ring with the moon in a glass bubble. She gasped and handed his gift over frantically.

               “Open this right now!” she said, pulling the ring out and putting on her middle finger. He did, his eyes getting wide as he opened the slightly bigger box.

               “No way,” he said, looking up at her.

               “How the hell did this happen?” Catalina asked, holding in giddy laughter. Jungkook pulled the necklace out of the box and put it on. The charm on the chain held the moon in a little glass bubble. The same moon as the one in her ring.

               “We bought each other the same thing,” he said, laughing.

               It was the waxing half-moon from the night they shared their first kiss in the vampire den.

               When Lucía came back home, they immediately showed her their unplanned gifts for each other. She laughed for about ten minutes. She then recruited them to help cook dinner, which was an exciting ordeal. Catalina was happy to learn how to cook all of her favorite dishes.

               The three of them ended up having a beautiful dinner together, bright with laughter and conversation.

               The next few days passed in a blur. They went out, cooked together, played games, and watched movies. Before they knew it, the week was over and it was time for Catalina and Jungkook to travel again for the next leg of their trip. Catalina was reluctant to leave her mom, but she was absolutely filled with anticipation for her stay in the cabin.

[archies-litterbox]

You keep mentioning the witcher, what’s it about? Is it worth the disappointments you’ve mentioned in tags?

:D oh you just asked my favorite question

okay... it's a MUCH more mature/graphic show than tales of arcadia. The show is TV-MA instead of TV-Y7 because of nudity/language/violence, so I'm putting it under a cut with the important tags over it.

I don't recommend it if you're on the younger side of this fandom. In fact, if you're under 16, do not click under the cut.

That being said, I run another sideblog about it @toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account so I'm VERY glad I get this ask to talk about one of my other favorite shows!

[TW: Violence, swearing, mention of nudity (but only shirtlessness in the gif used), discussion of abuse/child abuse, death, ableism, sterilization, genocide]

Okay so:

There's this guy named Geralt of Rivia

(In s2 his armor is gonna have abs plated on it but we won't speak of that)

He's a Witcher

He got mutated as a kid because mages wanted him to be stronger than humans in order to hunt monsters

(...sorta like s3 jim ig)

His mutations turned his hair white and his eyes yellow (and also the process to be mutated into a Witcher is BRUTAL and only 3/10 boys taken to Witcher schools survive them)

His mom left him on a roadside to be taken to one of the schools when he was a little boy :( #mommyissues

He's very grumpy >:/

In s1 alot of his dialogue is either "hmm" or "fuck"

He's scared of needing anyone because he doesn't want to get hurt/hurt them so he's kind of a brooding loner

He does talk to his horse though

Her name is Roach. He loves Roach. You love Roach. We all love Roach.

And Roach loves him too :)

Much of the fandom has branded him a horse girl for it (and for good reason)

He's not actually from Rivia!

He almost named himself Geralt Roger Eric du Haute Bellegarde (but his mentor smacked him upside the head and told him it sounded pretentious) and... *John Mulaney voice* none of that matters, but it's important to me that you know that

He's very grumpy but when he does smile it's very precious.

In half the episodes of s1 he's tagged along by this cutie of a bard!

His name is Jaskier. It means buttercup!

Isn't he cute?

He's so cute :)

In the book series the show is based off of, book!geralt is MUCH NICER to his bard (Dandelion in the English translation of the books) but in the show he's like... this

Think... Shrek and Donkey

They're apparently friends for 22 years but the show never ages Jaskier in s1

(Cue MANY different immortal!jaskier headcanons)

(Also alot of Witcher fans like me got reminded of jaskier when Wizards showed us moppet!douxie with his lute)

It's VERY implied that jaskier is in unrequited love with geralt :( sad

One time Geralt says his singing is "like ordering a pie and finding it has no filling" and jaskier responds like >:0

also canonically Jaskier gives Geralt a bath before a court event and put chamomile oil on his "lovely bottom"

(yes that's what jaskier says)

And then there's a very forlorn bit of dialogue where Geralt is sitting in his tub getting all cleaned up and he's like "I need no one... and the last thing I want is someone needing me."

And Jaskier softly whispers "And yet... here we are."

Yeah

All this yearning happens while geralt is sitting in a tub without a scrap of clothing on him and that's a thing

Their friendship flips on a dime honestly one moment Geralt looks at Jaskier with puppy dog eyes and the next he's punching him in the gut. It's fun.

Jaskier isn't allowed to touch Roach

S1 basically centers around three storylines (which, full disclosure, is not handled very well at all)

It's centered around Geralt's storyline, as well as those of two other main characters: Yennefer and Ciri!

This is Yennefer of Vengerberg

(Aka Yenny Boo of My Heart <3)

She's a sorceress

She starts out as a very poorly treated farm girl with a hunched back and skewed jaw (it gets magically "fixed" which can be seen as playing into the "Magical Disability Cure" trope ://)

The Rectoress of this sorceress school called Aretuza senses that she can use magic (yen portals there on accident once to escape some bullies) and comes to her stepfather's farm to collect her

Her stepfather gives the Rectoress, Tissaia de Vries, four marks for her (which is barely anything, so he considered her worthless)

Yennefer is trained to hone her magic and she does get to ascend from her class (which is sort of like graduating except that tissaia would have turned her into an eel if she didn't)

The day comes where the sorceresses of aretuza get to choose which kingdom's court to join and Yennefer wants to go to aedirn but her lover betrays her *gasp* and tells this nasty wizard named Stregobor that she's quarter-elf

(If I get into how bad Stregobor is we'll be here forever so... think Merlin but Worse. Also he doesn't have the One (1) Redeeming Factor of raising Douxie and is a creep. Ew.)

Stregobor manipulates other mages into overriding yennefers own choice and sending her to Nilfgaard instead

And Nilfgaard is not good to it's mages so she was like um... no

Sorceresses are given a Transformation before they become court mages and yennefer uses hers to become more powerful. it fixes her jaw/back (even though it's not actually necessary to make her powerful.)

(This is where "Magical Disability Cure" trope comes in for some fans.)

She woos the king of aedirn into taking her into his court after all

(But one of her schoolmates gets sent in her place, Fringilla Vigo, and she ends up an Intimidating Villain. Her actress calls her Fringy for short. :) )

But it comes at the cost of her fertility - she's given an irreversible hysterectomy.

(Alot of misguided fans are like "oh it was her choice to give it up she shouldn't be acting like she was robbed" but it was either that or go to a court where she knew she'd be treated horribly so... shut up)

(Also the books are more clear in the fact that tissaia makes sterilization mandatory for aretuza students anyway so... shut up 2: electric boogaloo)

Her storyline in s1 is largely centered around trying to regain her fertility by means of 1.) a djinn 2.) dragon hearts

Also Geralt's eventually in love with her

(And so am I <3)

Her arc actually isn't about her thinking herself "monstrous" for being infertile *cough* black widow *cough* fuck you joss whedon *cough* but about her fighting tooth and nail to regain some of the autonomy taken from her, especially about her *choice* to have a child

Speaking of children, here's Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon... aka Ciri

She's a princess but her kingdom gets destroyed by Nilfgaard in s1, leaving her all alone ( :( ) and she spends the whole season running around the woods trying to find Geralt

Why?

The Law of Surprise

(...sigh)

(This is gonna be confusing no matter how good I explain it so let's go)

In the Witcher universe, there's a concept called the Law of Surprise.

It can be invoked/offered to someone else out of gratitude/desperation if they have nothing else to offer a person for their help.

It basically means that whoever offers the Law of Surprise can claim from the other person something they have but aren't aware of.

(Sometimes it's even explained as "give me what you see when you come home that you weren't expecting to find")

Geralt invokes this as a joke/a really Stupid Decision after saving the life of Ciri's father (in the books he's actually really methodical about it but... not in the show I guess)

He claims the law of surprise recklessly, completely unaware that Ciri's mother is pregnant. NO ONE is actually aware of this pregnancy until its indicated fifteen seconds after he invokes the law.

...so yeah he accidentally claimed (Aka surprise-adopted) ciri as an unborn child

He doesn't come back for 12 years until he hears that Nilfgaards coming for Cintra (Ciri's kingdom)

He comes and tells the queen, Calanthe, that he can protect Ciri but Alot Happens and he isn't There to take her to safety

So Calanthe tells Ciri to find Geralt because "he is your destiny"

She meets an elf boy named Dara in the woods (we LOVE dara) and learns that Calanthe, her grandmother, took part in the genocide of the elves and she learns alot of truths she was never told of

She spends s1 1.) Trying to find Geralt 2.) Understand her weird screaming powers 3.) Outrun Nilfgaard because they keep trying to capture her 4.) Learn the awful truth of what her family has done

(Also in s2 they give her darker eyebrows and fancy hair braids and honestly... it's Weird)

(S2 does give Jaskier a hat though)

(but apparently for about "47 seconds" according to his actor Joey Batey)

(He's also in that "The Amazing Devil" band that I hc Douxie likes :) )

(They're very good! I recommend.)

So... the whole first season is about Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri's storylines coming together! :)

So... yeah :> the reason I dread being disappointed next season is because the show has botched alot of charming elements of the book series (cutting a super important story that brings Geralt and Ciri together, making Geralt less witty/funny/kind to his Bard Best Friend, everything with the timelines of the first season (but they aren't doing weird timeline stuff in s2 I don't think), just alot of decisions to make the show edgier than the books), and between that and some Bad Rumors about how a beloved character from the books might get killed off, I'm preparing for some disappointment.

But! Who knows! I expected rise of the titans to be AMAZING, and it... wasn't, so obviously, Witcher s2, which I'm prepping to be disappointed by, is gonna be WONDERFUL. Because... PEMDAS :)

Anyway... I sort of went overboard, but if you like fantasy shows that deal with magic like tales of arcadia, but a bit more mature/violent/dealing with darker themes for older audiences, I recommend it.

Thanks for the ask! I was really happy to talk about another one of my favorite shows :)

[neo-crimson-palace]

How often had Chihiro been mistaken for a girl by futas or other guys? Have they tried breeding him?

More times than you think; and more times than the programmer could actually recall. Not that he could actually blame any of them. Since it was entirely his choice in wanting to dress up and act like a girl. How could people not assume he was of the opposite gender?

One of the said futas was none other than Toko, or rather, Genocide Jill herself. Who refused to believe in a sense, that Chihiro was a boy. Even after the boy himself had shown his dick out of desperation. Claiming that he was nothing more than a small dick futa. And that ‘she’ should be punished for trying to lie to her like that. 

Before Fujisaki knew it, he was pinned down to the ground. Held in place by Jill’s scissors. The mass-murdering psycho was quick to tear off Chihiro’s skirt and panties despite the programmer’s protest. Though any other words were silenced by the woman’s massive cock flopping down on the femboi’s petite, yet shapely rear. The heat radiating off it was enough to send shivers up Chihiro’s spine. A sense of panic filled his chest as Toko began rubbing her length between his asscheeks, knowing full well what was coming next. Any pleas that he tried to spew fell on deaf ears; feeling Jill spread his ass wide. He gnashed his teeth, his eyes shrinking with agony as Jill’s cock plunged into his tight little asshole. Barely a few inches made its way into the programmer and already Chihiro felt like his ass was being split in to from the sheer girth. Before the boy could even catch his breath, Jill started moving. Driving her hips down on the boy, each violent thrust forcing more and more air out of Fujisaki’s lungs as his insides were being rearranged. Any attempt to scream or beg for her to stop was replaced by a choked cry and sob of agony. His own cock, hard from the unwanted stimulation, flopped back and forth, smacking against the murderer’s heavy balls while Jill had the boy pinned down by his shoulders. The arched position allowing the futa to pump her cock deep into his depths as much as she wanted. “Damn, I gotta say, out of all the petite girls I’ve fucked. Your ass is by far the tightest.” 

The boy couldn’t answer, focusing more on breathing and not passing out from the intensity of the brutal assfucking. Clawing against the ground, drool ran down his chin, as his eyes started rolling into the back of his head. A stab against his prostate enough to send the boy over the edge as a cry managed to tear out of her throat. Echoing throughout the entire room as he came. Shooting his load all over the floor, his cock twitching and spasming uncontrollably. Jill couldn’t hold back either, once she felt the boy’s ass squeeze around her cock, it was over for her as well. Trapping the supposed girl in a headlock as she erupted with her own torrent of hot creamy spunk. Letting out a blissful sigh as her cock throbbed with its release, Chihiro’s ass milking it nice and perfectly. 

“Fuck~ yeah, you’re TOTES better than all the other girls I’ve fucked.” Jill moaned out, “I don’t know what’s your secret, but I think I’m gonna keep ya around for my own little fun from now on.” 

Pulling out, she allowed Chihiro to slump to the ground, spewing the last of her jizz all over the boy’s small back. 

Jill winked at the unconscious programmer. “See ya around cutie, hope you learn your lesson about lying about your gender.” 

With that, the Mass Murderer left, leaving an unconscious to stew in her own sauce and hilariously ironic statement. 

[bullshittierlists]

My thoughts: 

I see no god up here other than me: 

Ishimaru - I love him more than just about anything right now. His relationship with Mondo was so pure and I loved it, even without my shipping-crazed brain in the way, their friendship is so adorable. He didn’t deserve to get killed in Celeste’s plan. He’s such a cutie and I think it’s adorable how he’s obsessed with the rules. When I was watching a playthrough of this game on YouTube, I literally laughed every time he was on screen. I miss him so much. However, I do have one complaint and that’s Ishida. Ishida pretty much ruined Ishimaru’s character. While I did enjoy the concept of his soul fusing with Mondo’s, it wasn’t a good addition to his character. In all honesty, it’s what got him killed. If Ishida didn’t come about because of Alter Ego’s presentation of Mondo, Yamada wouldn’t have had a rivalry with him and wouldn’t have agreed to help Celeste in killing him.

Mondo - I like his relationship with Ishimaru, they have such a good dynamic and I really appreciate it. His whole story with Chuck, too, was so pure and I really felt for him once I found out about it. Every once in a while, I’ll go on an Ishimondo craze and it’s all I can think about for the most part, and every time it happens, I end up watching episode five of the anime (the one where Mondo gets executed) and I cry every time. Not only is his punishment harsh, Ishimaru’s screams just kill me every time. I really need to stop rewatching that episode since it always makes me sad.

You’re the best:

Hagakure - I think the reason I like him so much is purely because of Danganronpa panels because all of the one’s I’ve seen with Hagakure are hysterical because of him. Unfortunately, my favorites were removed from YouTube recently and I’m really sad.

Togami - Fun little inside fact, whenever I start a new show, I’ll look at a picture of the main cast and guess which one is going to be my favorite. With Danganronpa, I guessed Togami and Ishimaru, so I was half right. I had no idea I was going to like Mondo so much, but my love for Togami kind of faded with time. He doesn’t really have specific moments, like with Ishimaru and Mondo and the sauna, he just has an overall tone that you remember. I still really like his cynical attitude, though.

Hey, I think you’re pretty cool, I like you a lot:

Chihiro - I think he (yes, he) is a well-written character. I liked his whole arc with Mondo where he wanted to become stronger and prove that he was even kind of a man. Other than the part where he was killed, obviously. He had a good backstory and I really enjoyed his character.

Kirigiri - She’s the typical sleuth, who I wouldn’t usually like, but she’s pulled off really well. She always raises a lot of questions, but still provides answers when they’re necessary. I liked her as the unofficial leader, although you could argue that Makoto or Togami was the unofficial leader, I still think it was her. She got them through most of the cases and made sure that everybody was on board. She always made sure that nothing was overlooked and that’s very admirable.

Makoto - He’s a good protagonist, bland and boring with a hint of sensibility. I don’t think I like him as a protagonist as much as Hinata, but he’s still good. I just think he’s a bit too bland and being the protagonist is his entire character, there’s not really anything else there.

Fukawa - I loved the red herring she introduced in the second case with Genocider Sho, not to mention the idea of Genocider in the first place. It was a lasting red herring that actually mattered later, which is what makes a red herring good instead of just a time waster.

Sayaka - I thought she was super nice and sweet at the beginning, but then, you know, she tried to murder Leon and blame it on Makoto, so that wasn’t the nicest or sweetest thing to do.

I remember you:

Celeste - She was pretty cool, I really liked her design, and her ultimate ability was a cool concept. But she indirectly killed Ishimaru, so...

Asahina - Her character centered on the fact that she loved donuts. And she survived.

Sakura - Her character was so good in theory, I just didn’t love how it was executed. However, she was noble and I respect that, I liked her character, but she didn’t leave much of an impression on me, other than the fact that she was strong.

Yamada - Again, a good concept, but I actually kind of liked how it was executed. But he seemed kind of bland to me and he actually directly killed Ishimaru, so...

You’re literally the worst. Actual scum. Leave this planet and never return.:

Monokuma - He put my babies through this hell and then they died. Yeah, not a big fan.

Leon - I honestly can’t describe why I hate him so much, but I do. I think he was just obnoxious and didn’t get a chance to redeem himself since he was killed third.

Fun fact in case you didn’t notice: Junko and Mukuro are missing. I don’t make these templates, I just take other peoples and change the orders, so it’s not my fault. I’m still not going to talk about them, though, because they aren’t on the list.

My definitive list of favorite characters from Danganronpa:

1. Ishimaru

I don’t need to decide on the rest, he’s all that matters. He’s just best boy.

[tsuki-sennin]

My honest opinions on the cast of DR1, as well as dumb nicknames I had for each one. (Spoilers, maybe.)

Makoto (The Main Boi): He fine. Both in the looks and character department. He represents the audience so that anyone can project themselves onto him, but he has just enough character to keep him from just being an observer/the resident Phoenix Wright. Rather fittingly, I didn’t have any strong feelings on Bryce Papenbrook before this game, but as I got to hear him talk more and more, I grew to really like him thanks to Makoto. Good job, man.

Hifumi (Random Nerd): Even after all these years, I still don’t like him. I just don’t. Matter of fact, I don’t think anyone did. Lucien Dodge deserved better than this guy. He’s got a killer tie, however.

Leon (Man who looks like he’s 20 more than the guy who actually is 20): He’s cool, but I honestly don’t like him either. He has a sick design, but I really wish I could’ve heard him try singing in game. Even if it sucked, I’d have loved to hear him try and move beyond his baseball problem.

Sayaka (Discount Maya Fey): T-H-O-T! Okay, I’ll knock her back up to the one who first caused me despair. I was pretty iffy on the game at first, but she convinced me to stick around once the first case came around. Still not a fan of her voice, with no disrespect towards Dorothy Elias Fahn intended.

Toko/Genocide(r) Jack/Jill/Sho/Syo (Novella, which I guess was a reference to Misao, and Man-Eater): BEST GIRL! BEST GIRL! BEST GIRL! BEST GIRL! BEST GIRL! FUCKING BOW BEFORE HER, YOU SUBHUMAN TRESH! I WILL GLADLY DIE TO HER! AND I WILL GLADLY BE GREEN WITH ENVY AT THE MEN SHE WRITES! Amanda Celine Miller and Erin Fitzgerald really made this literary cutie come into her own in a game with such good female characters already.

Kiyotaka (AP Buttfucking): You know that no-fun motherfucker in your class with a stick shoved up his asshole, and every class he has is AP? That was Kiyotaka for me the first time I played the game. I just couldn’t stand him, even long after I got to know him. I barely felt a thing when he got bludgeoned. Yet despite this, for some reason, I got really pissed when I learned that Hifumi and Celestia were responsible for his death. Maybe that was when I realized how admirable this guy really was.

Aoi (Baywatch): She’s awesome, definitely. Not only is she relatable, but her interactions with Sakura were a real highlight for me.

Mondo (Kuwabara): Now him, I liked through and through. I was already a fan of Keith Silverstein, but the way he pulled off the tough guy act was a damn riot to watch. Chris Sabat in the anime was also a joy to listen to.

Mukuro (Regina/The Boss): I wish we got to know her a bit more than we got to, but she’s great too. Tied for second-best girl, in fact. Guess Amanda Celine Miller strikes again.

Junko (Charlotte the Harlot): Gotta be honest, I feel Junko’s sadism in hindsight. She’s a damn good main villain, and her design just makes me just go wild. Amanda Celine Miller and Erin Fitzgerald strike again with their god-tier voice talent, but Jamie Marchi’s interpretation is just as awesome. And Monokuma is fucking hilarious, if not disturbing. The other half of the tie for second-best girl.

Chihiro (Miss Shrimp/Mister Shrimp): As soon as I realized that this boi, voiced by Dorothy Elias Fahn, who had spent the whole first chapter of this game convincing me that he was a chick, was a dude, I was like “...why am I not turned off by him?” And from that day onward I blamed him for my interest in pretty men. Alter Ego is pretty great too.

Kyoko (Naoto Jr.): OMFG I LOVE HER. SHE’S SO AWESOME AND I WANT HER TO FUCKING THROTTLE MY NECK WITH HER BEAUTIFUL HANDS. THIS WOMAN IS A BOSS-ASS BITCH, AND SHE GETS SHIT DONE BECAUSE OF IT. NAEGI IS SMASHING THIS WOMAN, AND FRANKLY I FUCKING ENVY HIM! Erika Harlacher gave her the perfect voice, and Caitlin Glass just... BARELY falls short.

Celestia (Killer Queen): This woman just... scares me. Marieve Herington really did well here, but... something about her just... made my skin crawl. I didn’t feel that way with anyone else, not even Hifumi, but when I pieced together that she was responsible for Kiyotaka’s death, she made me swear to avenge my bro who I never appreciated. So I suppose Marie Antoinette has that going for her.

Hagakure (Cheech and Chong... no, I didn’t know his VA was Asian, so SHUSH): I didn’t like him much, similarly to Kiyotaka, but he won me over with funny dialogue and how relatable his thought process was to mine at the time. Even if I wanted Chihiro to live more, I can live with him being alive.

Sakura (Akuma): Her interactions with Aoi are great, and you could grind meat on those muscles. She’s so cool too, and I legitimately cried when I found her dead, and even more-so when I realized why she killed herself.

Byakuya (Japanese Malfoy): ...I tolerated him... I dealt with him... I developed a mutual understanding with him... I didn’t like him, and even from in front of the screen I could tell he didn’t like me. That was fine by me. But the fact that this was the guy who Toko wanted made me angry, and it was because of that I declared him my rival. I swore that once we got out of Hope’s Peak, I would personally track him down and fight him... at least until I met the rest of his family through supplementary material and now... I just feel bad he’s related to such bland/boring characters when he is so much more interesting and likable. So yeah, I have no quarrel with you, Jason Wishnov/Josh Grelle... fuck your family though.

...I might make a follow up with Super Dangan Ronpa 2, if this gets any traction.

[book-pirate]

I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE BECAUSE I’VE BEEN UP FOR 31 HOURS BUT WE’RE HERE WE’VE ARRIVED DEATHLY HALLOWS PT 2 Y’ALL

- 10 points from slytherin for snape looking dramatically out at the courtyard - Ah griphook you have changed so much from vern troyer to warwick davis amazing - “the wand chooses the wizard” means the wand can think wtf did you think it meant - hermione trying to walk in heels as bellatrix is literally me - my ace dragon-loving son Charlie Weasley lives on in Ron’s continued extensive knowledge of dragons - you would never know harry knows what the horcrux is if you had never read the book. instead it looks like he has a spidey-sense for it. fucking movies - “i’ve got something but it’s mad” have i mentioned i love her - somewhere charlie weasley is smiling - oh my god they’re soooooo pale - “we plan and all hell breaks loose” that’s it that’s all 7 books summed up - WHERE’S THE GODDAMN CLOAK YOU STUPID IDIOTS REASON #17 - THERE’S STILL NO EXPLANATION FOR THE MIRROR - god aberforth is just draaagggggiiiiinnnnngggggg his brother amazing - “i trusted the man i knew” okay but why - NEVILLE MY BOY - “i need your help” “for what” “i don’t know” seriously dazzling me with your wit here - ron is so disappointed ginny doesn’t care about him lmao - RIP alan rickman i miss him every day - WALK IN TO THE CLUB LIKE WHAT UP I GOT A BIG WAND - YES MINNIE GO MINNIE WHAT A BAMF - what the movies don’t tell you is she got SIX STUNNING SPELLS TO THE CHEST IN YEAR 5 YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER - “YOU BLITHERING IDIOT” there go allllllll minnie’s fucks - “escort all the slytherins to the dungeons” alright this is bullshit and has got to stop - seriously can i just have an entire movie devoted to mcgonagall - and luna. “you listen to me right now harry potter!” iconic - helena get over yourself seriously WE’RE TRYING TO STOP GENOCIDE - “who said that” “me, right now” alright remus calm down - FRED AND GEORGE I LOVE YOU - oh neville. you’re going to regret that in 15 minutes - i still don’t understand how horcruxes are made release the information rowling! - also i thought voldy couldn’t feel the deaths of his bits of soul anymore because he’s less human whatever the movies make no sense - aw cuties - oh noooo, ooooohhhhhh nooooooooooooooo - MAKE IT GO BOOM INDEED - how you gonna kill stone my dudes? - RUN FLITWICK RUN - oh neville sweetie don’t worry you’re gonna make it! you’re one of the 25% that do - omg the room of requirement hermione it exists god do boys make you stupid - haha good fucking luck trying to find that thing harry - they should’ve kept the tiara on a bust with a wig instead of a box like in the books - edge lord Draco strikes again - Goyle is stupid dumb. Fucking Fyndefire or whatever it is. We have a new winner for idiot of Hogwarts, finally displacing Harry Potter, previously in the number one spot - Yeah, because what Voldy really needs right now is to be killing off his supporters - you know i feel like harry is getting some pretty big mixed signals. do you want him in voldy’s mind or not make up your goddamn minds - This just in, Lucius is still a lil bitch - OLIVER WOOD SIGHTING THIS IS NOT A DRILL - oh nooo oh nooo oh no no nooooo - RIP lavender you’re definitely dead - ABERFORTH REDEMPTION ARC - “do you know who this wand answers to?” yeah harry potter you bitch - unpopular opinion snape deserved to die and is a fucking mother fucking fuckboy whose obsession with lily landed harry in this mess in the first place - FRED NO - AND STILL NO PERCY REDEMPTION SCENE BULLSHIT - no no no no no no - JK Rowling could apologize every day of my life an I’d still never be okay - TBH snape’s memories in the movie are very rosy-colored like where’s the part where he called her a mudblood? this is some bullshit - listen according to these flashbacks he does NOT have her eyes jesus - lily wanted NOTHING to do with snape and he fucking rocks her dead body??????????? i am disgusted - and in front of her crying son??????????????? wtf - people stan snape? can’t relate - “after all this time?” “always” is the creepiest exchange i’m ever heard in my life full stop end of sentence - this walk to his death was supposed to be a lot more emotional but whatever the book is dead i guess - oh shit remus has a son???? you’d never know from these fucking movies - ooohhhhhhh noooooooooooo hagrid you deserve better - oh that’s gross gross gross grossssss - “actually if i think about it, it doesn’t seem curious at all” OF COURSE BECAUSE SNAPE WAS AN OBSESSIVE MOTHER FUCKER SO HIS PATRONUS CHANGED TO COPY LILY’S INSTEAD OF BE ITS MATE LIKE JAMES’S WAS GODDAMN FUCK SNAPE - Narcissa putting her son above voldy is something i have to give her props for since Lucius doesn’t seem able to do so - fucking wish they’d show how voldy can’t hurt them since harry ‘died’ for them - IN THE BOOKS DRACO REFUSES TO WALK OVER AND THEN THROWS HARRY A WAND FUCK THIS - YES NEVILLE YES - Narcissa is literally like Draco come Lucius idgaf about you which is A+ on her part - you know I really would’ve preferred the book ending to this light show but w/e again i have to lower my standards - we get it voldy and harry are alike you don’t have to give me visuals - HELLS YEAH NEVILLE THAT’S MY BOY - aww that’s the harry/hagrid reunion i love to see - lmao filch it’s useless man give it up - could u not have fixed ur OG wand first like christ man - Albus Severus whomst? I think you mean Arthur Rubeus

What a ride. 20 hours roughly

Movie: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

[libralita]

Title: Oathbringer

Author: Brandon Sanderson

Summary: Dalinar Kholin's Alethi armies won a fleeting victory at a terrible cost: The enemy Parshendi summoned the violent Everstorm, which now sweeps the world with destruction, and in its passing awakens the once peaceful and subservient parshmen to the horror of their millennia-long enslavement by humans. While on a desperate flight to warn his family of the threat, Kaladin Stormblessed must come to grips with the fact that the newly kindled anger of the parshmen may be wholly justified.

Nestled in the mountains high above the storms, in the tower city of Urithiru, Shallan Davar investigates the wonders of the ancient stronghold of the Knights Radiant and unearths dark secrets lurking in its depths. And Dalinar realizes that his holy mission to unite his homeland of Alethkar was too narrow in scope. Unless all the nations of Roshar can put aside Dalinar's blood-soaked past and stand together--and unless Dalinar himself can confront that past--even the restoration of the Knights Radiant will not prevent the end of civilization.

Rating: ★★★★★

Review:

This review will a be a bit different, I won’t have commentary for the first 33 chapters because I already made comments on them since late-August. Tor has been releasing 3 chapters of Oathbringer a day. So if you’d like to see what I thought about those then you can follow this link.  It’ll have all my reactions and my commentary.

Eventually I’ll be rereading this book, so that’ll be a more in-depth review, this is more of my first reaction.

“This is the middle book of the series. And as everyone knows, the heroes always lose in the middle book. It makes the series more tense.”—Page 215, Alcatraz: Knights of Crystallia

Y’know what I don’t regret? Staying up till 3 am listening to Oathbringer.

We started off this book with an interlude about an ardent reading smut. Okay then.

How could people forget to read their own language? Oh boy. Do not translate the Dawn Chant, I’ve read Alcatraz.

“Sequels always have to be bigger.”

Brandon Sanderson I will end you.

A particular patron wants the Dawn Chant to be translated? That can’t be good.

Oh, I’m so sure that Eshonai is dead. Unless the sister is going to be a main character.

Spren of remption?

Whoa! Jasnah is getting chapters! Also it’s weird that “Bridge 4” get chapters. It’s so awesome to hear from them but still a little weird.

JASNAH KHOLIN IF YOU DID NOT HUG YOUR MOTHER I WILL SLAP YOU!

Yes! We got to see Eyebrow Queen in vision! And she rounded up the town and turned them into an army Castlevania style!

Oh my god, I never realized how much of a cutie Sigzil was.

I’m glad that Dalinar didn’t kill a kid.

I assume that Rock’s chapter is the longest chapter because of his name.

Renarin being part of Bridge 4 gives me life. He’s going to hang out with Rlain!

ROCK’S FAMILY!

Ay, a Stoneward! So they can create handholds? Cool.

BRANDON SANDERSON LET ME SEE THAT JASNAH-NAVANI REUNION!

Oh shit! It’s the Honorblades!

Okay so Odium took the spren of the dead Parshendi and that’s how they created the Fused.

So the Voidbringers were only trapped when the Heralds were being horrifically tortured. My god, that’s horrible.

Talenel spent 4,500 years being tortured. That man is fucking beast.

Oh shit the Fused never die. Well, I guess that Eshonai is fine but SHIT! This is so bad.

Oh great so there’s some secret that’s going to make the Radiants abandon their oaths.

Um, what was that epigraph?

YOU LOST TALENEL?!

Hey, guys, maybe genocide isn’t the answer.

So, are no storms going through Kholinar?

Alright, let’s see if Kaladin and Jasnah can go an entire book without killing each other.

“If it’s not a lowly task, then perhaps you should have done it.” OH SNAP!

LET ME HEAR JASNAH AND RENARIN’S CONVERSATION!

“Perhaps act like an adult.” The sass in this book.

HELERAN WAS A SKYBREAKER?!

HOLY SHIT WE’RE GETTING INFORMATION ABOUT THE SONS OF HONOR!

Gavilar brought Amaram into the Sons of Honor.

Sons of Honor wanted to the return of the Desolations to get the Heralds to show themselves. It was restore the Knights Radiant and the classical strength of the Vorin church.

Wait, the Skybreakers? So either Mraize doesn’t know about The Diagram or he’s keeping that information to himself for the time being. The Diagram knows about him.

So Mraize probably doesn’t know about Lift helping Nale.

So technically the Skybreakers are another secret organization. I’ll have to update my chart.

This must be a letter to Hoid.

Teft? Are you okay?

It has finally arrived and that’s why you’ll suddenly see quotes with actual page references!

Shallan’s sketches are very concerning…

Wait! The letter is to Hoid! Now it’s time to reread the epigraphs because this reviews is already a cluster fuck.

“You think yourself so clever, but my eyes are not those of some petty noble, to be clouded by a false nose and some dirt on the cheeks.”—Page 361

Wait, noble? Is that a reference to Scadrial? Is this Demoux?

“No good can come of two Shards settling in one location. It was agreed that we would not interfere with one another, and it disappoints me that so few of the Shards have kept to this original agreement.”—Page 411

Could this be a letter from Preservation before everything went to hell?

Who’s Uli Da? THESE FREAKING EPIGRAPHS!

So Teft is a drug addict.

“Cephandrius, bearer of the First Gem, You must know better than to approach us by relying upon presumption of past relationships.”—Page 435

What?

Jezerezeh!

Wow, Gax knows a lot.

“‘Yeah,’ a voice piped up. ‘You’re old.’”—Page 439

LIFT! Even the Stormfather is like “how the fuck did this girl get here?”

Pale white eyes?

“‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘He’s got too nice a butt.’”—Page 440

OH MY GOD!

Oh…oh god, Moash’s chapter has the Bridge 4 patch ripped off. Good.

Well, there goes Graves. Sucks.

Oh god, are they going to recruit Moash?

“‘Brightlord?’ Janala asked. ‘Are you perhaps secretly an artifabrian? Studying engineering by night, reading the women’s script?’ Several of the others chuckled. Renarin blushed deeply, lowering his eyes farther.”—Page 455

BITCH!

“Renarin nodded, then looked up at her. ‘Thank you.’ ‘For?’ ‘Defending my honor. When Adolin does that, someone usually gets stabbed. Your way was pleasanter.’”—Page 456

While this is a funny line LOOK! FRIENDSHIP!

“Renarin shrugged. ‘I’ve found the best way to avoid doing what Jasnah says is to not be around when she’s looking for someone to give orders to.’”—Page 457

Renarin, sweetie, I love you but telling Shallan to avoid her problems IS REALLY BAD ADVICE!

I really like Lyn and Skar’s relationship.

Oh, the cardforms that Kal saved are now slaves. Man, Kal is going to hate himself for that.

ADOLIN IS BORN! Oh god this is so sweet….

“‘It’s your daughter,’ Dalinar guessed. ‘Her lunacy.’”—Page 493

What’s with this?

“‘And the things you did in conquering Alethkar?’ Kadash said. ‘No divine mandate, Dalinar. Everyone accepts what you did because your victories were proof of the Almighty’s favor. Without him…then what are you?’”—Page 502

A warlord.

Tests?

Finally! Shallan and Elhokar interactions!

“The boys were by Evi’s wagons. Little Adolin was terrorizing one of the chulls, perched atop its shell and swinging a wooden sword about, showing off for several of the guards—who dutifully complimented his moves. He’d somehow assembled ‘armor’ from strings and bits of broken rockbud shell.”—Page 516

My heart.

“Friend, You letter is most intriguing, even revelatory.”—Page 520

Is this a response from Hoid?

Jasnah can read lips, Jesus Christ.

“I would have thought, before attaining my current station, that a deity could not be surprised. Obviously, this is not true. I can be surprised. I can perhaps even be naïve, I think.”—page 529

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! IT’S HARMONY/SAZED AHHHHH!

Moash, you’re going to have to be Kaladin.

“‘You need nothing but what we give you,’ the Fused said. ‘But your desire is to be granted.’”—Page 532

Grammar nazi.

“No. Not you. It’s not your fault.”—Page 534

Is this one of the Unmade or Odium?

Rlain perspective!

Lift doesn’t trust Dalinar?

“The man was old, with a wide furrowed face and bone-white hair that swept back from his head as if blown by wind. Thick mustaches with a hint of black in them blended into a short white beard. He seemed to be Shin, judging by his skin and eyes, and he wore a golden crown in his powdery hair.”—Page 547

What the…? ODIUM!

PUNCH HIM THE FACE!

“Tight-butt” I love this book.

NOPE NOPE NOPE THE HOLY SHIT NOPE CREMLING WOMAN!

“I won’t make policy decisions, and I’ll avoid ordering the murder of any further groups of melodic children. Fine? All right? Now leave me alone. You’re stinking up the place with an air of contented idiocy.”—Taravangian, Page 570

Good?

Oh good they’re not going to assassinate Dalinar.

Alright, so The Diagram wants to figure out a way to keep Odium from destroying everything. Good luck with that.

A paternal voice? Oh no…Why is Brandon determined to make me fear kind, elderly male voices? He did this with Ruin in Well of Ascension.

Oh, so the thing that Renarin found were like diary entries. Huh.

Kaladin has lands. Weird.

Send Renarin to help these people.

…What did Sadeas do?

“‘More scowls, then?’ She sighed. ‘More scowls.’ He grinned.”—Page 592

They’re so cute.

“Unite us. Please.”—Page 596

What?

Dalinar is putting the temple back together…odd.

“For a moment Dalinar felt he could almost understand what they were saying. As if a part of him were stretching to bond to man.”—Page 598

It’s like the Southern arm band things.

Aw, Adolin is scared.

“No sure if it’s dignified.”—Page 610

At least it’s not a fork.

Your…tailor….

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

“Yes, she thought, taking another Memory of Elhokar. Yes, you are king. And you can live up to your father’s legacy.”—Page 625

Yay!

“And beyond that, deep within the mirror, something turned—”—Page 634

Wasn’t that what Elhokar was seeing?

“It clicked. ‘Stormfather!’ Yes?”—Page 638

These two are great.

“‘When…when were you thinking of information me of this?’ When you asked. When else would I speak of it? ‘When you thought of it!’ Dalinar said. ‘You know things that are important, Stormfather!’”—Page 638

That sass.

“Yours is the power of Connection, of joining men and worlds, minds and souls.”—Page 639

Interesting.

An essay.

Lift has eaten the Blackthorn’s lunch.

Dalinar…smells like the Nightwatcher?

Elhokar has been drawing.

Gavinor, that’s Elhokar’s son’s name and probably a future character…if he hasn’t died.

“‘It’s a good plan, Elhokar,’ Adolin said. ‘Nice work.’ A simple compliment probably should not have made a king beam like it did. Elhokar even drew a glory—”—Page 667

I believe in you, Elhokar! He just wants approval! I’m honestly so worried for this boy.

Wit! Thank god! Story time!

“‘Yes,’ he said. Then he added, ‘I miss my flute.’ ‘Your what?’ He hopped up and began gathering his things. Shallan slipped forward and glanced inside his pack, catching sight of a small jar, sealed at the top. It was mostly black, but the side pointed toward her was instead white.”—Page 676

First of all, dammit Kal, why did you have to lose Wit’s flute? Second, WHAT IS THAT?!

Chull eggs?

“‘Heavens no,’ Wit said. ‘I’m not stupid enough to get mixed up in religion again. The last seven times I tried it were all disasters. I believe there’s at least one god still worshipping me by accident.’”—Pages 678-679

Who?

Everyone thinks Wit is a Herald.

“‘Maybe I’m one of those punchy guys.’ Adolin stopped in place and grinned at Kaladin. ‘Did you just say ‘punchy guys’?’ ‘You know, ardents who train to fight unarmed.’ ‘Hand to hand?’ ‘Hand to hand.’ ‘Right,’ Adolin said. ‘Or ‘punchy guys,’ as everyone calls them.’ Kaladin met his eyes, then found himself grinning back. ‘It’s the academic term.’ ‘Sure. Like swordy fellows. Or spearfish chaps.’”—Page 690

I love these two.

Who. Is. The Sibling. Christ, we’re never going to find out, are we?

Azure is a woman. She’s either a Radiant or Herald.

Sadeas was always a traitorous bastard.

Shallan wants to take someone’s place? Weeeeeird.

*sighs and adds Cult of Moments to the list of secret organizations*

Maybe Azure is using regrowth?

“What is that design on your skirt? It…seems familiar to me.”—Elhokar, Page 734

Yes! WAIT! GO BACK GO BACK! TALK ABOUT PATTERN!

‘Is that what I look like?’ he whispered. ‘Yes.’ It’s what you could, at least. ‘May I…may I have it?’ She lacquered the page, then handed it to him. ‘Thank you.’ Storms. He almost seemed to be in tears!”—Page 735

Yes! Elhokar development!

“Sadeas was not a trait.”—Page 738

First time for everything, I suppose.

“Dalinar nodded slowly. ‘They must bleed,’ he whispered. ‘I want them to suffer for this. Men, women, children. They must know the punishment for broken oaths. Immediately.’”—Page 741

Oh shit.

Oh god, oh no Evi…Renarin and Adolin don’t know.

Aw, Adolin paid for Shallan carving into the table.

“Just another spren, Shallan/Veil/Radiant thought. That’s what I am. Emotion made carnal.”—Page 761

Much concern.

Vathah is a Lightweaver squire? Weird.

Shallan is making all these men cry.

“But Veil is a false face, a part of her said. You could always abandon her. She strangled that part of her, smothered it deep. Veil was too real, too vital, to abandon. Shallan would be easier.”—Page 764

VERY CONCERNED.

Is that Ardant from that one epigraph (I know so specific).

Oh great now there’s Kishi.

“Chasing you? Kaladin cocked his head.”—Page 771

Huh?

Who’s Melishi?

“Since the first day, you storming woman. Hate…hate you…Others too. We all…hate you…”—Page 782

I’m sure this’ll be fine for Shallan’s psyche.

“We are uncertain the effect this will have on the parsh. At the very least, it should deny them forms of power. Melishi is confident, but Nae-daugther-Kuzodo warns of unintended side effects.”—Page 784

This is what happened to the Parshmen.

Metal.

“She sniffed, looking away. ‘I have to become Veil to escape the memories, but I don’t have the experience that she pretends to have. I haven’t lived life.’ ‘No,’ Wit said softly. ‘You’ve lived a harsher one, haven’t you?’ ‘Yet still, somehow, a naïve one.’”—Page 789

I feel yah.

“I half, the child ignores her parents, wanders out into the woods, and gets eaten. In the other half she discovers great wonders. There aren’t many stories about the kids who say, ‘Yes, I shall not go into the forest. I’m glad my parents explained that is where the monsters live.’”—Wit, Page 790

Alcatraz, is that you?

“Blasphemy! Art is not art if it has a function.”—Wit, Page 791

So Wit subscribes to Kantz’s idea.

“A sense pulsed through her from it, memories and pain. And…and something smothering them… Forgiveness. For herself.”—Page 793

Cry count: 2

“He checked the glyphward Shallan had made him at his request—determination—wrapped around his forearm.”—Page 796

You are filled with determination.

We could really use a Rioter.

“‘Weeks?’ Sidin said. ‘Surely it’s only been a few days, Brightlord.’ He scratched at a beard that seemed to argue with that sentiment. ‘We’ve only eaten…what, three times since being thrown in here?’”—Page 805

Is time moving differently in Kholinar?

This…seems too easy.

I’m so terrified to find Elhokar’s wife and child.

Are the Unmade all parts of the human body? Like that Edgedancer-Holy-Fuck-No-Cremling-Dude?

OH THANK GOD THE KIDDO IS SAFE!

“‘Stop!’ he finally bellowed. ‘Stop it! Stop killing each other!’ Nearby, Sah rammed Beard through with a spear. ‘STOP! PLEASE!’”—Page 818

Cry count: 3

NO! MOASH! NO! HE WAS GOING TO BE A GOOD KING! HE WAS TRYING! OH GOD MOASH!

Cry count: I AM A MESS!

“But you’re a good king, Taravangian. You didn’t murder your way to your throne.”—Page 825

Hahahaha.

OH FUCK THEY’RE IN SHADESMAR!

“Mraize did like his clothing to look sharp.”—Page 836

Ah, yes, the perspective of Mraize’s laundry woman. An obvious perspective.

So Adolin, Shallan, Kaladin, Dalinar, Navani, Szeth, Taravangian AND Venli get perspectives.

“‘That’s not a standard-issue uniform, soldier,’ Dalinar said to him. ‘I know!’ Adolin said. ‘I had it specially tailored!’ Storms… His son was becoming a fop.”—Page 851

Aw.

“‘Which one got to you, little child?’ Ahu asked. ‘The Black Fisher? The Spawning Mother, the Faceless? Moelach is close. I can hear his wheezing, his scratching, his scraping at time like a rat breaking through walls.’”—Page 853

I’m sure he’s not actually crazy.

Wait wait wait so that thing is Adolin’s spren. Huh.

WAIT WAIT AZURE HER HAIR IS CHANGING COLORS! VIENNA! AHHH! Wait her sword…is it another like Nightblood? Welp let’s go back to Radiant HQ so Vivenna and Vasher can chill.

“Szeth-son-son… Szeth-son… Szeth, Truthles… Szeth. Just Szeth.”—Page 864

A thus a meme died that day. Moment of silent for a dead meme.

“You should draw me, Szeth! I would love to see the lake. Vasher says there are magic fish here.”—Page 865

Vasher!

I forgot how great Nightblood is, now I want to reread Warbreaker.

Nazh is a lot sassier in this book.

Dalinar can’t remember how old Renarin is.

“A small bottle. ‘I…’ Renarin swallowed. ‘I got you one, with the spheres the king gave me. Because you always go through what you buy so quickly.’”—Page 890

Pain.

“Renarin stepped in and hugged him. Dalinar flinched, bracing as if for a punch. The boy clung to him, not letting go.’—Page 890

Cry count: END ME!

Navani possess a modicum of social skills, guess she’s not a Knight.

“‘You Cryptics mimic…weird stuff?’ ‘The fundamental underlying mathematics by which natural phenomena occur. Mmm. Truths that explain the fabric of existence.’ ‘Yeah. Weird stuf.’”—Page 909

I love Pattern and Syl.

I guess living in his tailor’s house really made Adolin’s…um, true passion for fashion come out.

“‘How? Impossible. Unless…you’re Invested. What Heightening are you?’ He squinted at Kaladin. ‘No. Something else. Merciful Domi…A Surgebinder? It has begun again?”—Riino, Page 913

Okay, so he’s from Sel.

“As he was sipping the water, Syl walked over—her skin, her hair, and dress still colored like those of a human. She stopped next to him, placed her hands on her hips, and went into full pout. ‘What?’ Kaladin asked. ‘They won’t let me ride one of the flying spren.’ ‘Smart.’ ‘Insufferable.’”—Page 928

Syl, don’t ride the spren.

Oh great now Dalinar has been excommunicated from the church.

“A little of both. I discovered when I was younger that being too open with strangers…went poorly for me.”—Page 945

Just…just a little….

“‘It’s a unique piece, human,’ she said. ‘From the far-off Court of Gods, a painting intended only for divinity to see. It is exceptionally rare that one escapes being burned at the court, and makes its way onto market.’”—Page 956

Wow there’s a lot of references to Warbreaker.

Nohadon?

“Lectured by my own daughter again.”—Page 975

Poor Navani.

I SWEAR TO GOD RENARIN BETTER JUST BE A RADIANT.

“Then, when he returned to Kholinar, he controlled his drinking. And he’d never again yelled at his sons, as he at poor Renarin during that day on the way back from the Shattered Plains.”—Page 978

DALINAR KHOLIN!

“‘May I see?’ Ialai asked. ‘No,’ Jasnah replied.”—Page 995

This made me laugh.

A mistspren, huh?

So Vivenna is hunting Nightblood.

“‘All memories are bad,’ she said immediately, then looked away, blushing.”—Page 1012

This is bad.

“‘I…’ He pulled her tight again as the ship rocked. ‘Shallan, I killed Sadeas.’”—Page 1013

Damn!

“Like the quintessential bully, the Stormfather didn’t know how to face someone stronger than himself.”—Page 1022

Hahahaha.

“She was using the old rhythms. She’d never been able to do that when Odium’s attention had been on her.”—Page 1024

She is a lot like Marsh.

“Through his bond, Dalinar sensed weeping. The Stormfather had kept Odium back, but storms, he had paid a price. The most powerful spren on Roshar—embodiment of the tempest that shaped all life—was crying like a child, whispering that Odium was too strong.”—Page 1029

Oh, Stormy…what if ALL the Spren helped?

“‘Because,’ Renarin said. He didn’t say anything more.”—Page 1038

Helpful, Renarin.

“You could call me Vargo, if you wish,”—Taravangian, Page 1039

How about bastard? Though this may getting confusing see how that’s also Amaram’s nickname.

Who…is saying “Unite them”? Please just be Cultivation.

Fuck an Everstorm.

More? Great?

Humans…are Voidbringers.

NONONONONONONONO!

Finally, Tarah!

What world did the Radiants destroy?

I just realized that it’s ironic that Nale wears black and white. Symbolic if his view on the world. Black and white.

“Rysn was bored.”—Page 1059

Lucky girl.

Aw, she can’t walk.

HELL YEAH PALONA GETS A POV!

“What boon drives you, Son of Honor? Son of Odium?”—Page 1077

Good question.

Cultivation!

“SOMEONE BEYOND YOUR AUTHORITY TO QUESTION.”—Page 1078

Snap.

“A spren rose from his back, bright red, shimmering like the heat of a mirage. A crystalline structure, like a snowflake, though it dripped light upward toward the ceiling.”—Page 1085

SAVE RENARIN!

“‘Vengeance?’ the sailor said, looking to his fellows for support. ‘We’re glad to be free. But…I mean…some of them treated us pretty nice. Can’t we just go settle somewhere, and leave the Thaylens alone?’”—Page 1087

I like these guys.

Odium is making himself look like a Parshman.

“Urithiru was under attack.”—Page 1089

Huh so this is like Knights of Crystallia. Also SHIT!

Chapter 115: We are so fucked.

“Ten thousand Alethi in green uniforms gripped their weapons, their eyes glowing a deep, dangerous red.”—Page 1092

Oh god.

“Renarin Kholin was a liar.”—Page 1098

No, please, no.

“The Alethi have turned against the Thaylens, and now seek to conquer them! They’ve been allied with the parshmen all along. Your Grace, by feeling, we have narrowly avoided a trap!”—Page 1103

SHIT!

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Amaram has been possessed, too.

“‘So…’ a sudden voice said from his right. ‘What’s the plan?’”—Page 1108

Thank the Almighty for Lift.

“Doesn’t like…Dalinar blinked. What kind of world did he live in where swords didn’t like hurting people?”—Page 1109

A strange one.

Aw! The Deadeye is protecting Adolin!

Szeth, are you going to follow Dalinar? HE IS!

“‘Take a deep breath, my friend,’ Odium whispered. ‘I’m afraid that this will hurt.’”—Page 1122

Dalinar…Dalinar is the champion. FIGHT IT DALINAR!

“He closed his eyes, breathing out, listening to a sudden stillness. And within it a simple, quiet voice. A woman’ voice, so familiar to him. I forgive you.”—Page 1136

Ahhhhhh!

I’m kind of amused that Dalinar like “well, I guess Szeth is a Skybreaker.”

“‘Greaaaaaaaaat,’ Lift said. That’s greaaaaaaaat,”—Pages 1147-1148

Nightblood and Lift should be friends.

Adolin’s sword’s name is Maya.

Timbre captured the voidspren. Timbre is truly the best.

So is Venli actually going to be the main character in the next book?

“Then why do you still hurt?”—Page 1176

Yeah!

He’s capturing the Thrill into the ruby.

And Amaram is dead.

“Dalinar met his eyes. ‘I want you to teach me how to read.’”—Page 1193

The times are a changin’.

“That’s worrisome, Shallan.”—Page 1200

Adolin just summed up a large chunk of this book.

THANK GOD THE LOVE TRIANGLE IS DEAD! I’m perfectly fine with Shallan and Adolin.

Taravangian…is being truthful…

“The final death of Jezrien. Yaezir. Jezerezeh’Elin, king of Heralds.”—Page 1206

Moash…killed him. Oh god.

Brandon you can’t tell me that Jezrien is dead and then make me smile with a Lopen section.

DREHY AND SKAR ARE THERE!

ELHOKAR’S SON!

“Little man. Why did you write to us? Why did you have your Surgebinder unlock the Oathgate, and allow our armies to attack Urithiru?”—Page 1214

Dick!

The Diagram is now working with Odium.

Jasnah is the new monarch.

WELL FUCK NOW MOASH HAS THE WINDRUNNER HONORBLADE! Or Vyre.

Huh, I didn’t know that Brandon could write a wedding scene without someone nearly bleeding out.

SHALLAN’S BROTHERS!

“The most important words a man cay say are, ‘I will do better.’”—Page 1227

Favorite quote.

“‘Life before death, little one,’ Wit whispered.”—Page 1233

Holy fuck.

[monkey-network]

Two Cent Riffs: My Little Pony Movie, BAYBEE

#BackAtItAgain #TSPOILERS #PonyCinemassacre

Julien: Why is it “The Movie”? It can just be “My Little Pony”. We all should know this version and the superior version that was the 80s. Roy: Excuse me? Julien: Hey, the Smooze song made that movie for me.

Roy: Man, I’ll never stop liking stain glass windows. Julien: Hold up. Twilight has wings? ...Okay, I have missed a lot apparently. Roy: Yeah, but it’s nothing to worry............. Julien: I can sense a pause. What’s up? Roy: Oh, I’m just getting flashbacks....of people bitching online [shudders]

Julien: AH YES, MOVE the sun, and MOVE it back. Roy: Doesn’t seem like a big deal for this celebration. We’re just depriving people from some possibly needed sunlight and fucking with the tides to sooth the feng shui of it. Julien: Can I call the “Pony Privilege” card?

Julien: Huh, I forgot Applejack existed. Roy: She’s a main character, bruh. Julien: Yeah, it the background. Am I right lads, or am I right lads? Dom: “You’re all right, lad.” Julien: Cheers lad.

Roy: Guess we know which couple’s getting the focus this time. Julien: Do we really have to ship right now? Roy: It’s been 7 years, dude. Fans practically learned about “shipping” thanks to this show. Julien: Hmm...that sounds pitiful, but I’ve wanted Princess Bubblegum to melt on Marceline since the beginning so what can I say?

Julien: Looks like Pinkie had her climax.

Roy: Okay, I’m all for Sia pony here (does have a lovely voice), but are there any rapper ponies? Julien: They’re an underground niche of pony musicians after 2Pon and Biggie bit the bullet. Roy: What about DJ Pon-3? Julien: Dub is not rap, brother.

Roy: Bowser’s back?! Julien: And we’re only what...12 minutes in? That’s an academy record. Shit, this movie’ll be over in a blink.

Julien: Okay, I’m liking this new villain here. Design wise, very coordinated. Color scheme is on point. Roy: I just wonder how she’ll be forgiven. Julien: Come on, man. Villains aren’t always meant to be redeemed. Roy: Ye, you need watch the rest of the show.

Roy: Oh no, all the other 3D piloted ships are slowly coming this way. Julien: Yeah, Futurama’s done better.

Julien: Oh shit, that is a fucking sweep down and over Pele kick. Roy: She would be great in WWE.

Julien: Well there goes two of the most powerful ponies in this series. Roy: Well hold on. Maybe Celestia, and Luna are only powerful in the fields or cutie marks they’re given. Like yeah, they’re powerful, but only in raising the sun and moon and whatever Cadence does. So really, they probably couldn’t beat Tempest’s rock spells as much as any powerful unicorn could have... Julien: So, they were useless to begin with? Roy: Kinda, yeah.

Roy: Hey, it’s Crissy. Julien: Wha? I thought her named was Derpy. Why Crissy? Roy: Oh no, Derpy is her name; won’t deny that. But Crissy’s just short for Criss Cross, like her eyes that are the ONE DEFINING TRAIT FOR HER EXISTENCE. It feels like a better name, you know? Julien:...You got me there. That does sound better.

Julien: WELL, after a daring escape via a gigantic waterfall, now they’re on their way to go seek the hippos. Roy: Hippogriffs. Julien: Goddammit man! *sigh* I mean what if they were hippos and I could actually see some awesome hippos in this movie or show?....Fuck, you know?! Hippos are cool. They’re big, strong, and awesome and you jus- *sigh* tch, you’re a bastard. Roy: Jesus man, I’m sorry. Julien: No, I’m sorry but it’s like...I just think hippos are neat is all.

Roy: Oh snap. It’s Ray Donovan. Julien: Okay, this may be a screenshot, but I could already tell Liev Schreiber was tap dancing for his check and was just having a blast doing so; like Jason Mamoa in the Justice League movie.

Julien: How I feel about Michael Pena. Roy: Come on, he’s got his good roles. Julien: Name one that’s memorable. Roy: Well..........................................................

Julien: Woo, that place looks like shit. How come the ponies haven’t help them out, they could spare the resources. Roy: Maybe the town didn’t want any help? Julien: Dude, no. How can just ignore a town that looks broken down, industrial, probably impoverished, smoggy, with some pretty disgusting water surrounding it? HOW can any pony worth their riches just ignore this practically desolate area while continuously celebrating whatever they want? Roy: Let’s....never mind all that.

Roy: Oh no, 1/5 of the fanbase. ⁽ᵂᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ʲᵒᵏᶦⁿᵍ. ᵀʰᶦˢ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦˢᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᵒʷⁿˢᶠᵒˡᵏ ˡᶦᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ᶜʳᵒʷᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒⁿᶦᵉˢ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵘʸ ᵃⁿᵈ/ᵒʳ ᶜᵒˡˡᵉᶜᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ. ᴬⁿᵈ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ʷᵉ ʳᵉˢᵖᵉᶜᵗ ᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵘᵐᵉʳ ᶠᵃⁿˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵈᵉᵈᶦᶜᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜʰᶦˢᵉ, ᵗʰᶦˢ ʲᵒᵏᵉ ᶦˢ ᵃ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦᵈᵉʳᵃᵇˡᵉ ᶠˡᵃᶜᶜᶦᵈ ᵖᵘⁿᶜʰˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜʳᶦᵖᵗ ˢʰᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵉʳᵛᵉ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ. ᴺᵒʷ ʰᵉʳᵉ’ˢ ᵃ ᵏᶦᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵘʳᵉ ʷʰᶦˡˢᵗ ʷᵉ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉ.⁾

Awwwww, she’s sleepy

Julien: Oh boy, we got attractive felines in this universe. Roy: Eh, furry love aside, I’m more attracted to the comic’s nubian felines

Roy: Hello “Friend like me” Julien: Oye, don’t go pointing out the better things others have done. We’ll be here all week.

Roy: Can I say, “Suggestive?” Julien: Hey, they’re old enough to get some pussy in their life.

Julien: Okay, best character in the movie. Roy: Eh, I’m not convinced.

Roy: Okay, now I am.

Julien: That...is gonna cost ‘em. Roy: Pfft, like they’re gonna pay for it. Julien: I thought the ignorant rich of America were annoying.

Julien: Okay, there’s one thing that’ll never make sense here. So they’re oppressed and they work under the Storm King’s rule and they couldn’t be pirates. But it takes ONE song and they decide “Fuck it. We’re pirates again.” Roy: Have you ever had a song dedicated to helping you get your confidence and groove back?

[Gasp] The lesbian call.

Roy: I love how they play dramatic angry music over the colorful destruction that is their ship.

Julien: Hey, this reminds me of my Steven Universe fanfic. Roy: What? Julien: I dreamed and started a fanfic about Connie being an Arcane Knight that is seeking the original gems that helped salvage the land from the tyrannical Homeworld generals and this was where Lapis resided because she was originally master of nature but went into hiding after she, Peridot (master of metal) and Amethyst (master of animals) had a fallout.

Julien: When she goes so deep, she’s feeling your sunken place

Roy: WE GOT OUT THE MERCH SELLER, BABY! Julien: WE GOT THE MONEYMAKEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Roy: Now to be fair, she was trying to save her civilization while her friends were fucking around. Julien: Yeah, stealing from a civilization that suffered from the same enemies they’re dealing with now. Why didn’t the ponies help the hippogriffs when they clearly could have? This feels racist in a way. Roy: Specist? Julien: Yes. Thank you.

Julien: Okay, I can see where both sides are coming from, you know? However, I have a neutralizer that, possibly(?), erases both sides of this argument. How did it take them (the ponies) this long to try and stop the Storm King’s reign when it started to affect them personally? Where were any of them when the Storm King’s armada took over the Hippogriffs, the pirates, that city? I mean, I wouldn’t worry about this so much if the movie wasn’t so full of its “Friendship Solves All” theme to drive home how this will resolve when it could’ve been resolved LONG AGO! Roy: Jesus dude, it’s not that big a deal here. Julien: NO BRO, it is a big deal. Because they made 4 comics, so much merch, got good players like Sia, Liev, Emily Blunt, etc. all for movie that barely tries to integrate its new universe to a series that’s been around for 7 fucking years!

Ah good, we’re entered the third act.

Roy: Song time. Julien: I’ll allow it. Tempest is honestly the only best thing about this movie. Also, was Emily Blunt in Chicago???

Julien: So...let me get this straight. This girl stood up to a fucking bear and she gets shunned for her suffering? Fuck those kids! Roy: Yeah, I can see where she’d want revenge.

Roy: Okay movie, these Hippogriff designs are good. You live this time. Julien: This time? It’s still getting the slaughter, honey. [revs chainsaw]

Julien: You know Twilight fucked up when Sia pony is staring you down. Roy: With what eyes? Julien: Eye. Roy: I didn’t know you were Scottish.

I won’t question how they could breath in there.

Roy: Aw jeez, she was out for blood today. Julien: He’s getting creamed out there.

Julien: JESUS CHRIST, they brought flames to the party. Seriously, they are burning these beasts alive without fear.

One got consumed in the flames. Like, damn movie.

Roy: Okay, I get that Storm King’s a playful villain, but now he’s just monkeying around. Julien: Liev just wanted his paycheck. He’s doing just as good as everyone.

Roy: Looks like Pinkie Pie is on her a game this time. Julien: When she’s not yelling all her lines. Am I right lads, or am I right lads? Dom: “You’re all right, lad!” Julien: Cheers, lad.

Roy: Betrayal, I never knew could the Storm King could do such a thing. Julien: All I can think of is Twilight yeeting her into the cloud.

Gone with the wind.

Julien: Jesus christ. Roy: Exactly.

Roy: HA. He didn’t expect somebody to jump in the way of the bomb, only to then tag them and infect them with the spell as well. This doesn’t make sense in a way. Julien: Who cares, he’s fucking dead.

That’s right. Dead. On Screen. Full High Definition. YOUR MOVE, “DISNEY”.

“YEAH, WHO WANNA RIDE THE WHITE THUNDER?!”

Roy: So wait, what if Tempest actually got her horn back? Julien: Mass Genocide, everybody in Equestria incinerated; but hey: SPARKLY, COLORFUL EXPLOSIONS RIGHT?!

Julien: And that’s the My Little Pony Movie, ladies and gentlemen. Final thoughts? Roy: Fizzlepop Berrytwist is one of the worst names you could ever give your child. But other than that, I enjoyed what I got, mediocrity and all. Hell, I’m just glad there’s a 2D animated film in American theaters again. Could spell potential for the 16 mil. it earned at the Box Office. 👍👍 Julien: I thought it was alright and could’ve done better for their story beats than taking stuff from other better movies. A fun romp nonetheless.👍👎 Well, what now? Roy: Well, it’s Halloween. Wanna howl at the moon together? Julien: Sure.