#yeah dude i wrote it 20+ years ago

[xaphrin]

Me, every time I get alerts about someone digging through my old work:

[eightstarr]

at the count of three — ellie williams.

summary: how do you tell your best friend you’re in love with them? ellie has an answer! just be cool and wait for the right moment— and the next. and maybe another one, just to be sure. if you get impatient, you can always take a deep breath and count to three! (years, that is)

warnings: slow burn (childhood friends to lovers <3), little bit suggestive but no smut!

notes: born from a piece of dialogue i wrote like, a year ago and completely forgot about but somehow a week later it's 4k words? idk you're welcome or i'm sorry!!! also yes they do spend almost every scene sitting together on a couch but that's what lesbianism is all about...

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・。.・゜✧・. ────

ONE!

A movie plays on the TV, a slightly tarnished DVD of an 80’s action flick starring some oily guy and the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen— Ellie doesn't remember much other than an obnoxiously epic soundtrack and lingering shots that made the plot twist too obvious about 20 minutes in. 

She's freshly eighteen; you’re ahead only by a couple months. It's a warm Friday night, Joel and your dad in the kitchen putting scraps together for a mildly healthy dinner, Ellie sitting on the very opposite side of the couch from where you are. It’s hot, she'd said, looking away from your comically insulted face that grew with every scooch she made from your side, a lame excuse to save her from the newly found (and fucking torturous) fluttering that sparks in her stomach whenever she sits too close to you.

From the kitchen comes the sound of a can hitting the floor, followed by Joel’s 'shit!' and then quickly, 'sorry, girls'. You chuckle, turning to Ellie and catching her staring at you. A wrinkle forms between your eyebrows at the same time a pink warmth floods her cheeks. “Dude, you’re not even paying attention.”

“I am,” a scoff, her eyes now strictly committed to the screen. “The noise distracted me,” she adds, knowing it didn't even make her flinch from the careful study of your side profile.

“Scaredy cat— ow!” a pillow crashes against your cheek, sudden enough to shock you, too soft to do any real damage. “What the fuck?”

Ellie raises her eyebrows and looks at you from the corner of her eyes, a smirk half hidden by her hand. “Don’t be rude, you're missing the best scene.”

You throw the pillow back and scoff when she catches it, your lips slightly pursed, the signature sign to tell you’re annoyed. It's almost identical to the replica of that gesture that sits at the end of her last journal entry, an overly dedicated sketch born from a wandering thought. She could make it more accurate, she thinks now, soften the line of your jaw, take the scar on your cheek a little more to the left.

The sound of water splashing from the TV catches her attention and Ellie snaps her head forward (lest she get caught staring again), just as the blonde haired love interest is walking out of a fancy looking swimming pool.

“She’s hot,” you say, fingers pulling absentmindedly at loose threads on the rip of your jeans. When Ellie doesn't say anything, you turn to look at her, “You don't think so?”

Her voice comes out a higher pitch than she’d like. “What—” she clears her throat before continuing to mumble, “I don't know, I guess.”

You laugh. “You guess?” 

“Yeah, I— I don't know, dude, I wasn't thinking about that.”

You watch the nervousness on her face, the gulp that passes her throat, the red under her freckles. Fondness tugs at your chest and your voice softens just slightly, a smile playing on your lips. “Oh my God. Ellie, it’s okay,” green eyes find your face and she sees you hesitate for a second before you shrug. “Who cares? It's just me.”

You make it sound easy. It's the most distinct thing Ellie remembers about this moment, how suddenly safety felt like the most obvious thing. TV light on your face, your arm over the back of the couch, the same eyes she's been looking at since she was fourteen. Of course it's okay. Everything else with you is easy, why wouldn't this be the same?

Ellie shifts on the couch, the distance between you turning quickly ridiculous— offensive, even. She’s embarrassed to have let her flusteredness get in the way, but the urge to be closer doesn't feel right either. Everything she does feels like too much, everything she says too intense. “How long have you known?” she asks.

You tilt your head, less of a question and more of a guidance, “Known that you…”

Ellie parts her lips, unsure of whether or not she’s gonna say it or how, trying to will the words to come out. And they do, she remembers it well, because it was the first and maybe the only time she was this direct about it. “That I like girls.”

The smile on your face is teeth-rotting sweet, but she only gets to bask in it for a second before you widen your eyes and lower your voice to a scandalized whisper. “You what?”

Ellie rolls her eyes, cheeks burning, “Oh, fuck you.”

Your laugh fills up the room and the fluttering in her stomach feels absurd at this point, like she would actually be able to feel those annoying little butterflies flying around if she were to press her hand against her abdomen. “Sorry, sorry,” you say, and for a terrifying second Ellie thinks maybe they're loud too, and you’re able to hear them. But then she looks at you and forgets about it, easy easy easy. “It’s really okay. You know that, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she says. For once, there's not a glimpse of doubt about it to be found.

You watch another ten minutes of the movie in silence before your dad's head peeks out from the kitchen to call you both to the table for dinner.

Ellie has a habit of eating like it's her last day on earth. When you were both new residents of Jackson, hungry and scared and not at all used to the idea of a full plate of food twice a day, she couldn't help it. And you were the same, hence why your dad thought it would be good for you and Ellie to spend time together, which quickly turned to being around each other basically every minute of every day. But as the weeks passed, you seemed to be learning to adapt faster. A younger Ellie found this frustrating— especially after that time Joel complimented your table manners.

You’re just… nicer, she remembers saying, a stressed frown on her still childlike face, fiddling with a box of marbles she’d found under her new bed. She remembers how you pulled one out, your fingers brushing against her own for the first time ever, and held the clear crystal with green stripes next to her eyes, a satisfied smile at a practically perfect match. You’re nice too, Els, you’d said, shrugging your shoulders, the marble shoved inside your pocket, I think I just lie better.

Until that moment, Ellie had never thought about it that way; the fact that you could be pretending to feel more confident and comfortable than you really are to make yourself safer, to get people to like you. But when she asked, you swore you had never lied to Ellie. She used to drive herself mad thinking about that, a strange, confusing worry gnawing at her chest— she likes that you don't feel the need to lie, but what does it say about how you see her? Is it that you don't care if she likes you? Or worse, is it that you know that she already does?

You sit in front of her today at the same dinner table, four years later, and watch her practically inhale her bowl of pasta like no time has passed at all. You let out a snort and Ellie wonders if you can see it even now, if her constant thoughts of you are obvious even when she looks this busy.

"What?" she asks, an immediate frown on her face, though she's done you the honor of swallowing her mouthful before speaking.

"You're so gross," you say, chin resting on your palm, tilting your head like you're looking at some thought provoking art piece. Ellie thinks you'll leave it at that, but then you reach over and swipe your thumb over the red spot of sauce next to the corner of her lips, so soft she barely feels it. You watch her frown soften for a second before it becomes even deeper.

Ellie feels like her whole body is exploding with warmth, too hot under the hoodie she's wearing, too pink across her face. It's so obvious, she thinks, it's so— fuck, pull it together. Her gaze follows your finger as you bring it to your lips and lick off the sauce. “You’re disgusting,” she retorts lamely, her hand rough when she brushes it over her mouth, lest you notice another stain and she has to watch you do that again.

You are familiarly not deterred by her meanness. Or her attempt at it. "And you eat like a five year old,” you shrug. “I guess we both have our issues."

Ellie catches herself staring at your hands for the rest of the meal, certain that she's never noticed them in the same way before. How much time has she been wasting? You both have your issues, you'd said, but Ellie thinks she has you beat. Yours can't possibly be anywhere near this dangerous.

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

TWO!

Someone's knocking on her door. Ellie sniffles and lets out a groan as she gets up from the couch, sore throat, her limbs heavy and tired. She knows it's you because it's always the same three knocks; the first two firm and loud, a pause, and then one tiny one that sounds almost like 'sorry'. You’re impatient but still painfully afraid to be rude— if she loved you a little less, Ellie thinks she would make fun of it a lot more. But alas, she's cursed to smile at it every time.

She opens the door and the breeze that slips in makes her fall immediately into an embarrassing coughing fit. “It’s fine,” she mutters, at the same time you’re saying jesus christ, Ellie. “Shit. I’m okay,” she clears her throat and finally gets a moment to look at you, all pretty and put together in your best shirt and a freshly showered scent, the sun setting behind you like a perfect frame. Ellie prays her lungs don't betray her again and tries to make the brush of her hand over her messy hair look casual instead of desperate.

“Well, I was gonna ask if you wanted to come to the party with me for just a few minutes, but… I’m not sure you should be out of bed,” your worried frown is pretty, too. What a cruel fate. “Is Joel home? I can stay—”

“No, no, you’re good,” Ellie shakes her head, arms crossed over her chest like maybe it’ll cover up enough and you won't notice she was wearing the same long sleeve the last time you saw her. “He’ll be here in like, five minutes. I’ll be fine, ’m not a baby.”

You’re both nineteen by this time, Ellie remembers because you wore the same pretty blue shirt that you're wearing now for her birthday, and it was the day she realized her crush was no longer deniable. It's easier to act like nothing’s happening when she feels like she's alone in it, like there's no universe where you could love her like she loves you so she might as well let the fantasy die— but then you put on your shirt that's reserved for special occasions just to come over and bring her the cupcake you made, and suddenly Ellie can picture herself with her hands on each side of your waist, pulling you close, saying thank you with her lips brushing against yours before she kisses you. She can see it so clearly that it startles her, changes everything. Her birthday comes with a punch to the gut and a hunger she wants to tell you and only you about.

“You’re not gonna be bored? I really don't mind staying until he gets home.”

Ellie thinks (dramatically, extremely nineteen—) that if she lets you take care of her, she might actually die. It felt like she almost did last time you visited, your face serious with concentration as you pressed the back of your hand against her forehead. ‘You're warm’, you said, ‘do you feel sweaty?’ Ellie stared up at you, eyes glossy and heavy from sleep. ‘Not really’, her fingers sneaked out from under the blanket to wrap themselves around your forearm, a moment of bravery or delusion, ‘your hand feels nice’. You chuckled, ‘okay, keep it’.

She’s less feverish today, but not yet recovered from the greedy voice in her head that begs her to keep you close. If you don't go to the party now, she thinks (knows) that she’ll let herself casually talk you into staying the rest of the night. “Nah, don't miss your party,” she says. “I’ll be okay, Joel’s gonna teach me how to play that old card game.”

You raise your eyebrows. “So you're gonna argue all night.”

“No— what?” Ellie scoffs. “It’ll be good, I learn fast.”

“Yeah, because you make up your own rules.”

“I have questions about the rules, that's not the same thing.”

“It is if you cheat—”

“I’m not a cheater!”

You hum, a curious tilt of your head, and Ellie rolls her eyes before the words are even out of your mouth. “No, I guess you’d have to have a girlfriend for that.”

You watch her run her tongue over her teeth, her shoulder against the door frame. “You know I could say the same to you, right?”

“Too bad I said it first,” you shrug, pretty smile stretching your lips. “I guess I'll go, then. I’ll come over when it's done so you don't miss me too much.”

Ellie tries to maintain her composure. You know, she thinks, do you know? You must know. You can't know— “Right. Also so you can steal my food and crash in my bed, I’m guessing.”

“When you’re all vulnerable and weak? What do you think of me, Ellie?” you frown sadly, a hand over your heart.

“I think I know you,” she says, the corner of her lips lifting just a little, inescapably.

You walk to the gate and turn around as you close the lock, your hands on either side of your mouth as if she’s miles and miles away. “I’ll take the couch!”

“Yeah, sure!” Ellie yells back, her voice pretty even when it's hoarse, knowing she’ll hold on for just about ten minutes before she insists you take the bed instead.

Joel stays awake with her until around 10pm, when his yawns become too many to hide and he’s already let Ellie win three games, his smile genuine and wide while she chuckles and pretends she doesn’t notice. He leaves her with a tupperware of soup for tomorrow’s lunch and a deck of cards. To teach your friends or— I don't know, keep on the coffee table, he’d said, make you look cool. Ellie’s not sure you would find a box of cards ‘cool’, but she’s not above trying.

Ever since she moved out to the garage, she’s discovered a new type of stress at the notion of having you over. At Joel’s house, all she ever did to prepare for guests was pick up the dirty clothes from her bedroom floor and put her books in a (wobbly) single pile. Now things are different. The garage is small, but it's all hers— her floor, her living room, her kitchen. She can't have you thinking that she can't take care of things on her own.

She spends the next hour moving things around until finally, two loud knocks. A second passes; Ellie looks at the cards and considers shoving them inside one of the drawers on her desk. By the time the one quiet knock comes, she shrugs and decides to leave them on the coffee table, lest Joel was right and she misses a chance to have you start thinking she's cool and mysterious. “It's open,” she says from the couch, tiredness soon catching up with her after all that time rearranging things.

The door opens and you come in, quickly closing it behind you, a relieved sigh at the loss of that crisp, cold breeze outside. “Did Joel forget those?” you ask, bent at the waist as you take your shoes off, your chin pointing at the deck, the only thing on the coffee table. Maybe she should've been more subtle with it.

“Uh, no,” Ellie scratches the back of her neck, her legs stretched across the couch. “They’re a gift.”

She's not sure you hear her over the groan you make as you stretch your arms above your head, her legs moved to the side automatically to make space for you to sit. You fall down with a sigh and both forget about the cards— you, distracted by the warm tingly feeling of a couple drinks, and Ellie by the new jacket you’re wearing.

She lets a million different scenarios spin around her head for a couple seconds before she blurts out the question. “Whose is that?”

“What?” you turn your head away from the movie playing on the TV.

“The jacket.”

“Oh,” you look down at yourself as if you’ve just remembered it’s there. “Maya was leaving too, so she walked here with me. It’s hers.”

Ellie hums, her back sliding a little further down the couch, legs spread. “Stinks like it’s hers.”

You chuckle before you can help it, her animosity ridiculous and charming— Ellie’s better with actions than she is with words. “I don't even know what you're talking about,” you shake your head, not quite slurring, but not too far from it either. "She smells like strawberries."

Fuck Maya and her strawberry shampoo. Ellie could get some if she wanted to, maybe if she traded— what the fuck is she thinking about? She rolls her shoulders back and pushes the thoughts away, gluing her eyes to the screen. “Sure,” she says, less because she agrees and more because she doesn't wanna hear what else you like about Maya. “You had fun, then?”

“It was alright. You didn't miss out on too much,” the end of your sentence stretched out by a yawn, you cover your mouth lazily and rest back fully against the couch. “Jesse was drunk. They had to stop him from getting up on a table.”

Ellie chuckles. “I don't know, maybe he had something to say. I think I would’ve let him.”

“That's what I said,” you smile and let your head fall to the side, your cheek against the cushion. She feels you staring, enables it for a while by acting oblivious, falsely over-invested in some movie she can't remember the title of. She hears you move closer before she feels it— the shuffle of your clothes, the stupid jacket rubbing against her couch, so easily forgettable by the time your temple falls on her shoulder.

Ellie's about to fall asleep when she hears the little noise you make, something like a sniffle. For a worrying second she thinks she might’ve given you her cold, but then she feels the tip of your nose brush against her shoulder and she realizes you’re trying to breathe her in. 

“You always smell nice,” you whisper, half asleep.

Ellie swallows and prays to keep her body completely still, scared she’ll make the wrong move and have you pull away, scared you’ll lean closer and be able to hear the fast beating on her chest. She sounds breathy, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Like fresh rain.”

Slow like the roll of credits playing on the TV, Ellie feels how every muscle in her body settles down, relaxed, content— fucking cocky. She wraps her arm around your shoulders and hopes the scent will rub off on the jacket and remind Maya of a cloudy autumn night, rain over her garden.

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

THREE!

"Do you think we would've liked each other?" you ask, your legs resting on her lap while she fidgets mindlessly with the ruffled cuff of your socks. Every patrol lately ends the exact same way, a quiet walk home and a joint on Ellie’s couch. "Back when the world was normal?”

Ellie turns to look at you, blinking lazily, a reddish hue over her green. You’re not sure if she's more tired or high, but either way you're not doing much better— everything you’ve said during the past hour is the kind of thought you have when you're alone at night and your brain wanders, moments away from falling asleep. It's a meaningless question, but Ellie lets out a soft hum and thinks about it like it's worth considering. You're not sure if anyone you’ve met in your whole twenty years of life is as willing to indulge you as she is.

"Yeah," she says decidedly, in the same tone with which one would say duh. "We—" a yawn cuts her off, slender hand rubbing one of her eyes. "We would be friends, like, in college."

"I wouldn't be in college.”

Ellie frowns, takes one last inhale and discards the joint to the ashtray on her coffee table. "Why not?"

"'Cause I'm not smart like you," you shrug.

The fold between her eyebrows deepens. "You're smart," she argues, with enough conviction that you almost believe her, insisting, "You are."

"In other ways, sure—” Ellie opens her mouth to interrupt but you get ahead of her, “I’m not trying to talk badly about myself, I just don't think college would be for me.”

You’ve never been the most disciplined. It’s hard to imagine yourself staying up late to study, taking diligent notes in class. It feels ridiculous.

“I’d be working somewhere, I think. Making coffee for people or something.”

Ellie pauses before she nods, adjusting her daydream to what you’re saying, strangely committed. "Then we would meet there,” she makes it sound like the easiest thing in the world, a natural equation. “I'd go get coffee from you."

You chuckle. "You don't even like coffee that much."

Ellie shrugs, soft pink lips curved in a smirk that tells you she's sleepy and serves to warn you of the horror that's about to come out of her mouth.

You groan. “Don't—”

"Maybe I like the pretty girl that's making it."

“Awful,” you push her shoulder away, barely any force behind it, her giggles swimming comfortably around your head. “Never speak again.”

"Not my best work?" she asks, her fingers wrapping lazily around your shin. Too much, her brain warns, but then she remembers the pad of your finger over the back of her hand last night, the cursive lines with no purpose other than to be touching her— and it feels right, or like it's not enough. Too much soon turns to coward.

"Possibly your worst.”

She might be going crazy, but lately Ellie feels like you’re looking at her differently. In your eyes there's something gentle, awaiting, a tracing of your eyes over her face that says please. She chews on her lip, her eagerness painful. “We would like each other,” she doesn't think there's a world where you wouldn't, and if there was… "I'd make you like me."

You raise your eyebrows, teasing, "Oh, so like now?"

Her lips part with genuine surprise, more amused than offended. “...I made you, huh?” 

You regret the joke as soon as it comes out of your mouth, immediately brought back to your fourteen year old self, lonely and admittedly captivated by the auburn haired girl from next door. Flashes of you rushing to catch up with her, untied laces on your too tight sneakers, Ellie, do you wanna be friends? The sound of pages shuffling and her voice reading in whispers in the dead of night because you asked, can you talk to me until I fall asleep? Infatuated from the beginning, obsessed. Even now, on her couch, after spending a whole day together— do you like me? Would you like me, always?

A pillow crashes against the side of her face, her laugh almost louder than the embarrassed pounding of your heart. You pull your legs from her lap and lie back, fold your arms over your face. “You're so annoying.”

A lie so obvious it makes Ellie smile. She shifts to crawl closer, one knee on either side of you. “C’mon, I was joking,” she leans forward and you feel her knuckles tap your arm like she’s knocking on a door. The power to make you shy is still foreign to her, makes her feel drunk, thrilled. She doesn't remember having it before, but of course it was there. In little ways, in daily, simple things. Your eyes always looking for her first in any room, lighting up even after an especially bad pun, tracing her arms when the day becomes too hot to keep her jacket on. You like her, of course. How much time has she been wasting? The breath she lets out feels like it's been waiting to be let go, years spent stuck in her lungs. Ellie wraps her fingers around one of your wrists, her voice sweet, achingly soft. “Want me to tell you why I know I’d like you?”

You lower your arms just slightly, eyes peering up at her.

“Yeah?” she tilts her head.

You nod, arms coming down, unusually quiet.

Ellie grins, victorious. “Okay, but fair warning— it's worse than the coffee thing.”

You chuckle. “Is it?”

“Very.”

“Hm,” you hum, pretending to think about it, distracted by the vision of her practically sitting on top of you. Freckled face framed by the hair that's escaped her usual bun, softly lit by the warmth of the lamp on her desk. “Alright,” you say finally.

It takes Ellie a second to respond, momentarily dazed by the thought of being pretty enough for you to ogle like this. She clears her throat. “You ready?”

You tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and away from her eyes. “Sure.”

Ellie waits for the nerves to come, but even as she parts her lips to speak, they never do. What a kind fate. “I know I’d like you because nothing’s ever made more sense to me— I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. I like you enough for a million lifetimes.”

You look at each other, bask in a moment of understanding. Your eyes on her lips, a hand on her waist that pulls her closer. “That was worse,” you agree.

Ellie moves to rest on her forearms, cages you in, her nose brushing against yours. “I told you.”

She waits, feels herself count once again, a final time, one, two—

A hand against the back of her neck brings her in and the quiet noise of her surprise vibrates against your lips, makes her smile into the kiss for just a second before the hunger takes over. Her hips readjusting over yours, knees pressing against your sides, Ellie kisses like it's a need rather than a whim. She takes and takes and swallows every sigh you make like it's a gift, four, five, six seconds of a messy trail of kisses down your neck to say thank you before she resurfaces again.

“Love you,” she breathes out, because suddenly all that talk about ‘like’ feels stupid— immature, incomparable to what she actually feels for you. “Need you.”

You moan against her lips and it's her favorite sound in the whole world, immediately, as quick as realizing she would fall in love with you the day she met you. “Love you, Ellie.”

A kiss to your clavicle, your hands pulling at her shirt and her thigh between yours. She makes you say it three more times.

[homunculus-argument]

I've got a book draft project that I call Book I Am Not Working On that I probably haven't touched for like four years now. I originally wrote the first draft of the first book like 10 years ago, didn't like the ending, and decided to write a Next Generation Reboot with the previous cast's offspring and niblings as the main characters. Skipping the world ahead 20 years, and having the new protagonists be Standard Fantasy Book Protagonist Aged, in their late teens and early 20s, they learn about the past book's events in glimpses, as almost mythical legends.

The new story's main protagonist is the niece of a character I originally wrote into the first book as a gag - a naive Farmboy Hero. In this one he's taken up the role of a Grim Mysterous Mentor, who tags along on the protagonist's misguided quest because he knows that he can't stop her, so the best he can do is help. And he mentions that there is this wise man that he used to know in his youth, who lived in this specific city - he is wise in the ways of the world, and if he is still alive, he should be able to help them.

The protagonist agrees to go find the man, and for the first quarter of the book, this Wise Man that Old Uncle Hiram Knew In His Youth is this grand and surely legendary Wonderful Wizard of Oz kind of a figure, who is surely all-powerful and could fix anything. After all, old uncle Hiram would trust him with his life, and uncle Hiram doesn't trust anybody.

And then they finally make it to The City, and find The Old Friend. Who is a completely normal-looking middle-aged guy in an apron, kind of fat and slightly balding, busy with five kids and a grandbaby. And he's just as surprised to see the protagonist and her uncle at his door.

So the protagonist's uncle and his friend retire into a more quiet room to discuss the problem at hand while the protagonist and the friend's eldest daughter head out to find new, additional problms, fully trusting that these Adultier Adults will know what to do.

Meanwhile, the two old friends sit down, and the Old Friend looks at the protagonist's uncle, just going "dude for fuck's sake. Twenty years and you haven't changed at all. All these years I thought you were dead and then you show up at my doorstep, plop a felony level problem on my lap like 'hey lol this wasn't even my problem before I decided to get involved, pls help lol' and expect me to fix it."

And Old Uncle Hiram, who in fact is only in his early 40s and suddenly doesn't seem all that old and wise at all, just shrugs like "yeah I kinda gambled my life (and my niece's life btw) on hoping that you wouldn't have changed at all, either. That you would agree to help us, while calling me a fucking idiot the whole time."

And the old friend goes "yeah no shit of course I'll fucking help. You fucking idiot."

[physalian]

#Writer Problems

Meet the 15th character in this series with a name that starts with A! No one will notice hahaha

Going back and deleting the sighs to shake things up a bit because there’s 120 in the manuscript

*checks notes* whoops you died already, Side Character, my bad

*one paragraph* Perfect. Amazing. Poetic. Profound. *the next paragraph* what is words do?

Knocking out a 6k word chapter in an hour/Spending a week on a single transition

*slaps down a shiny new character with zero plan* You don’t know anything about them and neither do I, let’s discover them together

Realistically, there’s gotta be at least one casualty from this fantasy battle so…. *rolls dice* no not you. *rolls dice again* yep. That’ll do. Sorry, pal.

Is this badass or stupid?

Is this hot or cringey?

*checks notes* damn it, plot hole.

Upon this most recent round of edits, you, Cool Side Character, no longer made the cut. Mayhaps you’ll be recycled later.

*checks notes* damn it, I fixed that plot hole by opening another plot hole.

Jesus christ I wrote ‘just’ 308 times across 120k words?

That is definitely not how you spell that

*dreams about my characters in full HD technicolor* awwww yeah, where’s the popcorn? *cannot replicate how cool it was in actual words*

Unes- Unnecs- Unessis- Unnessessarily- Unnecessarily fuck

Do I go with the British grey or the American gray?

*cries* this epic was supposed to be a novella

Well these two were supposed to be having an argument here. But making out is fine. I’d like to see where this goes.

Oops I forgot the straights, here that nameless dude over there isn't confirmed gay, so you can headcanon that he's straight if you want

Oops I forgot that marriage exists uhhh yeah their other parents are all dead or deadbeats

Fuck love triangles here’s a double-helix dodecahedron.

One day my fandom will write so much smut about this guy and I am here for it cause I sure ain’t doing it myself

Oops I forgot people with green eyes exist but brown eyes? I got 20

*describing the writing process* It was the best of times, it was the worst of times it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

I. Hate. Chapter. Titles.

Is this profound or pretentious?

*crafts an absolutely banger metaphor* I hope someone notices this. I put a lot of work into it

I didn’t spend 6 months perfecting this masterpiece for you to sass that the curtains are just blue. I’ll write the goddamn essay myself about all the depth behind my color choices, sir.

Picture that Spongebob dehydrated in Sandy’s treehouse meme ‘cause that’s me on round 12 of edits

I gotta be up for work in 4 hours but this monologue is more important

*distills 30 pages of worldbuilding notes into 2 paragraphs of a fluff scene* somebody will appreciate this, won’t they?

*listening to my book playlist* one day when this is adapted I hope this artist is still alive to compose the main theme cause this shit fucks

*cries* this trilogy was supposed to be just one book

If I turn this plot hole into a character flaw, they become the problem while I remain god

*looting themes, monologues, character names, and archetypes off the corpses of my dead WIPs* You won’t miss them anyway.

While it also immortalizes this person’s dickish behavior, yes, I will, in fact, write a whole character’s backstory as a middle-finger to this one bitch from 10 years ago.

*steps back to gaze at all the suffering done unto my deuteragonist* but it was worth it, wasn’t it?

*staring down yet another loathsome action set piece* whyyyyy do I do this to myself?

Nobody’ll notice my author insert if I dice them up and divvy them out in bits to my entire cast, right? Right? It’s like a shell game of what’s author and what’s fiction

These two are going to be a problematic ship one day and I will burn that bridge when I get there

*2am and I am scouring the internet for that one piece of a fort’s defenses because not remembering is the current root of my insomnia*

*Nudging my favorite character who isn’t the protagonist out onto stage* golly I hope the readers like him

Waiting. For. Editors. Takes. So. Long.

Holy butts accidental motif and deep symbolism fucks. I am so pretending I did that on purpose.

To subtext or not to subtext? Nah, to subtext. *laughs maniacally*

Trying to ride that line between so obvious it’s painful but also juuust enough foreshadowing so you slap yourself for not seeing it sooner

TIL that I have been using that word completely wrong for years. How quaint.

No you’re derivative schlock. I’m crowd surfing the books that came before and loving every second of it.

Damn I wasted a really good name on this throwaway character

*checks notes* wait, who's taller? Where does your hair part? Are you left or right-handed?

*musing over a character slated for death* damn, I really like you. Since I am in fact god, you shall live another day. *rewerites the entire finale*

God I hope people like this story

[oneshots-imagines-random]

Klaus M. x Reader x Elijah M. - Bruises

***This was posted like 20 years ago (it was really only 2018), but got taken down or in review or whatever I actually don’t know. And I got bored so I edited it a bit and decided to reupload it***

A/N- I wrote something, not entirely sure I’m so proud of it. It’s kinda all over the place but I wanted to post something for now. But yeah this is a Klaus x Reader relation and Elijah x Reader sibling thing.

Warnings: black eye, mention of a fight

Word count- 1136

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~

I knew it was better to not go out at night, but I wanted (favorite food) so bad and we didn’t have any left at the compound. So that’s what led me to my current predicament. My need for the food so strong that I was on the verge of being kidnapped right now. Well, that’s what it looked like, but I knew how to handle myself and got out of there in a breeze.

The only downside of this entire adventure, Klaus is going to be pissed. He’ll be upset that I left the house without him or any of his siblings yes, but that will hold no flame to how pissed off he’ll be once he sees me. Living with the Mikaelsons has taught me how to handle myself. They always tried to protect me, Klaus’s little human spouse, but they also made sure to teach me how to take care of myself just in case something ever happened.

And that’s exactly what happened tonight. I handled myself just fine except the downside is I now have a black eye due to the guy getting a punch in.

Welllllllllll, it’s not exactly my fault the dude was trying to kidnap me…. I think to myself as I walk back to the compound. At least I’m going back in one piece.

I enter the compound like an overdramatic spy in the movies. I check around every corner and listen very intently to make sure there is absolutely no Mikaelson sibling there before moving on. And it was working, I was almost in my room until I hear Elijah speak up from, thankfully, behind me.

“My dear, whatever are you doing?” 

“Just playing around. Do you know where Niklaus is?” I retaliated, not looking at him so he couldn’t see my eye.

“I believe he just went out to find you. Are you alright, (Y/N)?” He put a hand on my shoulder and attempted to walk in front of me.

“YES!” I paused as I realized that maybe wasn’t the best course of action. “I’m sorry, I’m fine, just tired. I’m going to go lay down.” I try again before walking away and into my shared room with Klaus, locking the door behind me.

I knew all the Mikaelson siblings in the compound overheard the conversation due to their heightened hearing and knew I was going to be in trouble. However, all I can think about right now is trying to cover up this bruise the best I can and hope I can pass as being alright. Before I can even step away from the door, I hear a soft but firm knocking.

“Little one, are you alright?” I hear Kol’s voice come through the door.

“I’m fine, Kol. Just tired,” I whined and walked into my bathroom.

I may as well try and clean this up before Klaus gets back. If he, or even any sibling, sees this bruise, there will be hell on earth. And I don’t feel like calming them down again.

I grab my makeup and get to work but nothing is working. I’ve tried everything in my bag and followed almost every single YouTube tutorial on covering bruises and everything.

“WHAT THE HELL?” I screamed and threw a hairbrush across the bathroom. “(N/N)? Can I come in?” I hear Bekah’s sweet voice come through my door.

“No! I’m fine! Why can’t you all just leave me alone?!” I screech yet again not helping my case.

Wait case. Where the hell is my food? Fuck, I must have dropped it when I was fighting that guy.

“FUCK!” I wail and drop to the ground. All I wanted was my damn food and now I don’t have it.

I don’t even have a chance to realize that I’ve started crying before the door busts open and Klaus rushes in with his siblings behind him.

“Love, what is wro- Who gave you that bruise? Why are you crying? Are you hurt any further?” Klaus starts panicking over everything.

But I can’t talk because I’m so overwhelmed. I almost got kidnapped. I got an ugly bruise that hurts like hell. I left my food back on the streets. And now Klaus is in my face yelling. I get that he’s concerned, that they are all concerned, for my well-being. But for now, I just need a second to decompress before I go any further.

And I believe ‘Lijah sees this as he ushers his siblings, including Klaus, out of the room. I don’t pay attention to everything happening around me. Elijah talks to his siblings in the hall before coming back in and assessing my state. Then without saying anything, gently picks me up and lays me on my bed, tucking me in and sitting beside me.

After a few minutes, Elijah starts talking. “Are you alright?”

I sigh, “Yeah.”

“My dear, then why are you crying?”

“We ran out of (favorite food) and I went to get some more. And before you start, yes, I went alone. Yes, I know how dangerous that is. But I didn’t want to bother you guys. Plus, I can handle myself. But then a guy tried to kidnap me until I beat his ass. Although, he got a nice right hook in. And then I came home to try and cover the bruise up with makeup so you guys wouldn’t freak out. But then none of that was working and stressed me out. And then I realized I dropped my food in the fight. So, all of that stupid stress and stuff for nothing.” I start crying again after I explained everything just because of how tragic yet childish it all sounds.

“Don’t worry, (N/N). We all have bad days. Do you want me to get Klaus for you?” He asks as he strokes my hair.

“Yes, please. And thank you for being such a good big brother,” I sincerely  reminded him as I started getting sleepy from the exhaustion of the day.

“You’re welcome. And don’t thank me, you’re like a little sister to me. I would do anything for you.” He said as he softly smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead before leaving the room.

While you stayed in the bed, half-asleep, Elijah went out and explained everything to Klaus, who was holding fresh (Favorite food) that he went out and got while Elijah took care of you.

As Klaus entered the room, I just stayed right in my bed. He thought I was asleep when I was only half-asleep. And he climbed into the bed behind me after putting the food on my bedside table. He made sure to move carefully so he didn’t wake me up as he moved closer and held me in his arms.

“I’m sorry for stressing you out even more, Love. I just panicked and wanted to make sure you were okay. But I just want you to know that I am right here to protect you and take care of you and you will never be a bother to me or the family. I love you, (Y/N).”

I just smile to myself and let myself fall asleep knowing that I am truly loved and protected.

[katrina20lh]

1 + 20 for the historical asks?

Hi there and thanks for the ask! I apologize for not answering earlier, i had a shit ton of homework to do.

1. Who is your favourite historical person?

Frederick the Great of Prussia. I wouldn't change him for anyone. He's a mess and all; but is just that his life, the abuse he suffered when he was a child, his first years as king, his relationship with Voltaire, his letters describing his feelings, all of that just moves me in a way no other figure has ever done. I smile full of joy when i discover some facts about him, when i read a letter he wrote, when i learn about all of his relationships. A lot of people focus on his military achievements, which are obviously amazing, but I love to learn about the feelings he experimented, about the shared human experience we all have. I know he has been dead for God-know-how-long but i just want to tell him that he is remembered vigorously for many of us and that all the things he felt, all the tears he cried, are valued and that he's appreciated for not only the things he achieved, but also because of who he was. I learnt about him not so long ago but now this man and his boyfriend ( voltaire) live in my head and I can't get them out. But I wouldn't like to anyway <3.

20. History crush?

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I sadly anounce that I don't think I have anyone??

Yeah, I mean all my options are kinda cursed: Fritz? no way dude, the guy hate women and is gay; Voltaire? I mean maybe but i want to keep my mental stability; Robespierre? I don't think so; Saint-Just? mmmm he's finee but he's not my type.

But recently there's been someone that I yearn to know better and get in her marvelous mind: Émilie du Châtelet. I haven't read a lot about her, but the little thing i know are enough to make me say what a woman! Anyway, if I find someone that makes me go insane in the good way I'll anounce it without directly saying it, but giving non-verbal clues.

[azsazz]

CC3 Anon

spoilers under cut

Hiii it’s CC anon. THANK GOD YOU RESPONDED NO ONE ELSE I KNOW IS READING THIS BOOK 😭

I finished CC3 last night and yeah. I enjoyed the pacing at the beginning of this book more than the first two books because we’re already in the thick of the climax and don’t have to build up suspense again but omg it dragged in the middle.

I did not care for Ithan at all I’m sorry. And yes he hasn’t been a pro sun all player in YEARS idk why she keeps bringing it up. I think someone stumbled and he caught her and Sarah went “his sunball reflexes” HES A WOLF HE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE QUICK REFLEXES. Had him running up and down to resurrect Sigrid and in the end it DIDNT EVEN MATTER.

Lmaoooo Ithan mostly acted ago appropriate if I think about it. He's like 20 I'm assuming since he's around college age. He's def not my favorite character either tbh. Love how everything fell into his lap tho. Literally anytime he was mentioned so was snuball it was so fucking dumb.

I know you like Tharion but can he do anything right omg. Ithan carried him with the Viper Queen. Sathia carried him in front of the Ocean Queen 😭 I WAS SO PISSED ABOUT THE ANTIDOTES OMG and then Ithan went and did the same. I see why they are best friends like wow stupid really follows stupid.

LMAO I love Tharion, yes he'd definitely dumb and needs to make better decisions but I liked how witty he was in the first book. He really needs to stop with the whole woe is me act tho. omg the antidotes shit don't even get me started. half of the stuff that she wrote for the book didn't even matter in the end. like, we could've cut this damn book down 300 pages tbh, nothing would've been missed because nothing made sense even.

I don’t hate Bryce. She did annoy me though. I hated when Aelin wouldn’t tell people about her plans and could not stand it from Bryce here. Her yelling at Hunt about having to face the consequences of their actions. I’m like dude you went to another world and came back powered up. Hunt stayed and was tortured brutally like what? I know why she doesn’t want him to have guilt about it but it’s his 3rd time going through this and failing. And now he has more to lose. Of course he would be feeling a type of way.

I do not like her at all lol. The whole not telling people plans things pissed me off because her loud mouth is not like that. AND THEN SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO TELL HUNT "OH YOU DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE" girl maybe if you told someone the fuckin plan they would feel a bit more confident about going through with it for fucks sake. she's a mean girl and i can't stand her and i don't think she's funny at all she is so cringe to me haha. HUNT HAS ALREADY TRIED GOING AGAINST THE ASTERI AND HE WAS TORTURED FOR 200 YEARS?! Then he gets freed and has to do it all over again?! Like, why are we yelling at this man? of course he's weary.

I’m not the biggest fan of her swagger at times. Like sometimes we don’t need the quippy (read: unfunny) one liners :/

LITERALLY

The STAKES???? Bryce should’ve stayed dead! It would have been a lot more impactful. Even the torturing scenes kind of didn’t hit as much after the fact cause everyone can just regrow their limbs and be fine. No one had a single nightmare about what happened to them? I thought we would see something like that beyond “a glimmer of darkness in his eyes” idk :/

The entire "someone dying only to be brought to life on the next page" has definitely fucking worn off now but sjm apparently can't see that. she created a world with 50+ characters only to not use half of them when it matters. so stupid. Also, i don't remember them being able to regrow limbs tbh.

Maybe the book would’ve been too long but I was genuinely shocked we didn’t get more scenes of anyone on the actual battlefield. We were mostly in the palace after Bryce and Hunt teleported, and then the moment with Lidia and the sprites. But maybe the book would’ve been too toooo long idk.

Yeah there really was only like 60 pages of the end scene. but as soon as i saw the word space i actually almost DNFd it because what the actual fuck was that.

I will say I really like how the male friendships are genuine. I honestly can’t tell you that Bryce, Fury, and June are friends LMAO. (I’m exaggerating but I do kinda agree with this) .

Yeah, i love Ruhn, dec, and flynn's relationship. i think sjm tries to be like "oh yeah girl power, strong fmc's" but there's no women in the books? and they all don't like each other? like danika, bryce, fury, and juniper seemed like mean girls? girls that didn't give a fuck about anyone else? idk. the way that the men to women ratio in her books is very interesting to me. and the fack that EVERY man that comes across bryce thinks she's the most gorgeous girl to have ever lived...fuck off with that logic.

My girl Jesiba :////// She was my favorite for sure. I'm indifferent about her lol. Her entire storyline i feel was just made up like two months ago so she could connect to the other series lol

I do agree with what you said about Bryce (I legit almost wrote Aelin LMFAO) . I was not expecting her to just say no rulers for the Fae at all. But I guess a Senate would be more democratic.

SO STUPID. The Senate (starwars)

Im sure there will be a fourth book but I am so uninterested in Tharion and Ariadne like who caresssssssss. If Im interested in Ithan, it’s because I want to see more Perry. I wonder how connected this world and ACOTAR will remain.

I honestly hope it ends at 4 books. I think that would be a perfect ending because there's four houses. no need for more im already sick of it. yeah i liked perry too. i hope they're no longer connected lol.

Ruhn and Lidia :) but HE LEGIT SHOT HER?? I know she was acting irrationally because of her sons and he wanted to make sure she didn’t get herself killed but then he shot her. Like okay 😭. I think my favorite couples are Bryce’s parents and Lidia and Ruhn. Ruhn just seems so hot 😭.

Ruhn is a winner for sure for sure.

I’m writing too much and I’m scared this app will just shut down so I’ll quit here. I still think the first book is the worst one in this series. But I had fun with this one (despite my hang ups) and I’m glad it’s over (for now :/).

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT!!!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT TOO!

CC anon!! I went to goodreads to read reviews of the book and I genuinely cannot believe how many 5 star ratings this book got. I mean, I can and can’t believe it. Atp anything Sarah puts out will average at least a 4 star rating on there and sell a crap ton.

I think people just give her that rating because she's popular, not because they read lol. oh yeah, why do you think she released 5 different bonus chapters. talk about a greedy cash grab. that mentality kinda makes me sick im not even going to lie.

I was reading through the 2-star reviews and someone mentioned their shock at how quickly Ruhn and Lidia resolved their issues which I totally agree with. She said she hated him and would never forgive him for what he did, and she was right! I know why Ruhn did it, but I genuinely still cannot believe he actually shot her, even if she was gonna be okay. That’s a terrible time to be worrying about a wound like that when you want to be at full strength to fight for your children.

Yeah half of the plot lines felt stupid? like what? he couldn't have stopped her any other way...really? i feel like she did not think this book through as well as she thought she did tbh. seems to be her thing these days.

(Even when Hunt said he hated Bryce for stopping him from killing Celestina, I was like Oh!)

OMG THAT WAS ACTUALLY WILD. YEAH OKAY. I TOTALLY BELIEVE THEY'RE MATES.

The reviewer said Sarah should have left their relationship on the rocks so we could get Ruhn groveling in the fourth book, and I can’t get that idea out of my head. ESPECIALLY with their bonus scene. Idk if you’ve read it but I was like ??? I like them as a couple and I like their story, but it did seem like it was all patched up insanely quickly. Like if you shot me then the very LEAST you could do is get my kids to safety. That alone would not necessarily make me forgive you.

I didn't read their bonus chapter but i can't believe they moved in with each other literally after like two days of knowing each other in real life. bro, you just found out she has two kids? you don't know the woman at all lol. no, everyone has to have a happy ending by the last page of the book or else. lol. no suspense.

[palfriendpatine66]

Good evening!

Number 10 for the fic writer meme 😉

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

(TLDR whatever you’re guessing the answer is probably longer than that)

Oh. Oh.

Oh dear.

For someone who initially posted 32 chapters of their first fic over only 20 weeks (yeah! Believe it or not I stared out with an update every 2-3 days and by the time I finished that was averaging like 2 weeks in between chapter) I have since gotten very, very bad at this.

The like 5 people who have been in on Criminal Minds from the start know that I posted it’s intro last summer, took it down about a month later, completely reworked the thing, and began actually posting the story in October. It’s now June. That intro was first posted 11 months ago. I’ll (finally) be updating the next chapter this weekend. (And there will be two more to go.) 🙃

This one is one I’m writing solely for me. I’ve learned so much in the process. It’s bizarre as hell that out off all the different kinds of stories I’ve worked on this one is my passion project - idk dude, is what it is - but I know for a fact that the story I’m telling wouldn’t be nearly as good if I had forced out the ideas I had last summer to just finish the damn thing.

Found Family? I wrote the first chapter over two afternoons. I loved the crap out of it. I didn’t want to post it until I was certain what would happen next. And…over a full year later I wrote the second chapter. (WHY I didn’t realize then that I had a oneshot in my hands and not a series with no direction, I don’t know). Without looking I’m going to guess it’s been 6 or 7 months since I’ve last updated it, and done zero work on it since 😬🙈It’s my greatest shame. It’s easily been a wip for 18 months - if not more

On the other extreme I wrote my vampire one shot in one afternoon, I think in like 3 hours.

I am not a consistent being.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

gonna unofficially thank @forabeatofadrum for this tag bc she said whoever wanted to do it and I wanted to so here it be!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

49??? What when how did that happen??

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

706,964 woah so not quite a million but uh I have shit to say apparently

3. What fandoms do you write for?

46 of the 49 fics are glee lmaooo, two are Newsies and one is Roswell, New Mexico! I anticipate more Newsies (Javid) fics to come because I’m obsessed

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

There From The Start

Cornelia Street

Here We Go Again

An Honest Man

If Music Be

All for Glee: Klaine!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to as many as I can, but I usually forget lol. If someone leaves an insightful comment though it will usually spur a long conversation in the comments and I LOVE IT

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If The World Was Ending bc they uh :) die, technically speaking

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhhhh probably every other one??? I really don’t like sad endings so most have a happy ending, but i actually really like the ending to Stick Season because despite it being so terribly emotional and angsty, I feel like the ending is a turnaround and really hopeful!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? A few annoying comments telling me characters wouldn’t act this way, and one asking me “where my creativity was” which rubbed me the wrong way but I try to focus on the positive ones! Those definitely linger in my mind longer 💞

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Don’t look at me. Yes. Sometimes. Idk man sometimes those dudes just need to fuck it out???? But I usually only write it if the story feels like it’s naturally going there. It’s never really porn for porn’s sake (for clarification there’s nothing wrong with that we all love a little pwp), it’s usually the sappy emotional kind that’s mostly feelings and vague descriptions. it’s definitely not my forte and something I still get a little embarrassed and self conchas about lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not recently but I did have a Supernatural/Glee crossover a few years ago (shut up I was 16) and honestly it was loads of fun! Blaine was the child of that Gay Angel and Repressed Bisexual Man. Absolutely a slay

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so? But a few old ones from my fanfiction dot net page ended up on one of those search engine thingies??? Idk how to explain it or how to take it down but honestly… I have bigger problems lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but if anyone ever wants to let me know!!! It would make me so happy!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! Quite a few actually. I usually do the franken-fic every year and I did the roulette challenge and that m aforementioned crossover was actually a collab! Some of my favorite memories was writing the final chapter of A Night At The Ryerson House with @esperantoauthor 💞

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

OOF. Okay so. With 46 fics on AO3 you could say Klaine has a special place in my heart, buuuuuuut…….. my best friend introduced me to newsies in April and I seriously think it did something to my brain chemistry because Jack and Davey own my entire ass

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ugh. I’m so fearful that I’ll never finish Amidst The Chaos, which I LOVE but takes so much out of me. There’s also one I’ve never posted called “Strangers Again” that involves like timeline jumping but in a romcom way that I’m not sure how to go about??? Also the community college one. I have so many.

For Javey I tried writing that Spider-Man AU but like. I need to re do the entire first chapter. I absolutely hate it actually and I think it’s because I don’t have a clear vision of what exactly I want, but I know what I DO NOT want????

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhhhhhhh I’m actually not sure entirely? I’m gonna go with dialogue bc that’s usually how scenes come to me first.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Scenery/setting/sensory, world building, plot points, physical movement holy fuck do not get me started when That Guy has to move Across The Room AHHHHHH I wanna tear my face off

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Love it! In my brain Jack Kelly is Mexican because I love to project, and I’ve got a wip where Blaine is involved in a Hispanic community (no he’s mot Hispanic he’s just got a Mexican friend who is an old lady and also Catholicism is involved it’s a lot to explain okay go with it) so I like to use it, but only in a way that feels natural to ME based on MY experiences. Different people have different approaches!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Glee!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oof. This one is hard but I think it’s an even tie between Here We Go Again and If Music Be!

Tagging: @somefeministtheatrepls @somanywords @justgleekout @kurtsascot and anyone else who wants to try!

[howlingmoonrise]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for the tag @galvanizedfriend!!!!!!

How many works do you have on ao3? 45!

What's your total ao3 word count? 168,011 words

What fandoms do you write for? i'm an awful, awful fandom hopper :x but i write most consistently nowadays for petshop of horrors

Top five fics by kudos: 1) my dracula/barbie fic la petite mort is in first place, to the surprise of absolutely no one🤦‍♀️ 2) warrior, a post-movie shan yu/mulan oneshot 3) standing sentinel, an alien vs predator fix-it oneshot where lex goes with the predators and scar survives 4) surprising even me????? bonded, a soul eater soulmate au oneshot from 2014???? it has 8 comments total and half of them are my replies???? HOW. 5) not as surprisingly, in the woods somewhere, an ever after high cerise hood/daring charming au where daring accidentally ends up becoming the next riding hood. rare fandom/pair niche ftw!

Do you respond to comments? do you know when you reply mentally to things and then forget to actually do it irl? 😬 i have a really bad habit of opening comments on mobile, where i never type anything if i can help it, gush and draft the entire reply in my head, and then... yeah. i do eventually actually get to them all, but some will suffer through a year of no response before i pull up my sleeves and get to them. but dear gods do i try. the full answer is "yes, i do, and i absolutely love them all" but i feel very guilty about taking so long so i'll stick with "i try" 🙏🙏🙏

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably see you soon, a voltron legendary defender shidge fic, or songbird, a petshop of horrors angelica/p-chan oneshot with a bit of an experimental style. i think they're probably only fics i have that have a 100% unambiguously unhappy AND undeserved ending

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i usually try to aim for at least an ambiguously happy ending, so most of them? buuuuut that being said, i'm gonna point to my earlier fics in the soul eater or the yuri on ice fandoms, i was a lot sappier back in those. i've gotten a taste for a bit of a crunchier ending since then.

Do you get hate on fics? not really. i did receive hate for my voltron ships directly on the blog, but we all know how rotten that fandom was lmfao

Do you write smut? occasionally? i feel like i was in my smut-writing peak back in the soul eater fandom, but i was VERY productive in writing fic in general back in those days, and that no longer holds true. i feel like i'm a lot more self-conscious in writing smut nowadays and about how badly my writing in that genre would sound - the ideas are willing, but the flesh is weak.

Craziest crossover: i hate that my writer's block has cockblocked me from going crazier since despite wanting to write even wilder ships but. once again. my dracula/barbie fic la petite mort.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not exactly. as far as i'm aware, no one has taken it ipsis verbis, but i have seen unauthorized and uncredited translations of my works floating around.

Have you ever had a fic translated? *side-eyes paragraph above* yep! my works seem to get podficced more than anything though

Have you ever co-written a fic before? i started writing one in my old, old days in the danny phantom fandom (hello, first fandom!), but our email exchanges petered out and it never got finished or posted anywhere

All time favorite ship? how the FUCK am i supposed to chose. my dude. why would you do this to me. it changes with the phases of the moon.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i am 97.89% made of wips. 😬😬😬 there's just. so many. the first ones that come to mind is a magicstone (magica de spell/gladstone gander from the donald duck comics) angsty-ass oneshot, and also a jane darling/peter pan fic from peter pan 2 return to neverland, both of which i only ever posted snippets for a wip ask game years ago 😭😭😭 i also very much want to finish my shan yu/mulan longfic to the victor, the spoils and i have every intention of doing it but then i look back and. it's been half a decade already. rip.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhh. i find interesting dynamics and ways of bringing characters together? i'm a rare/crack shipping bitch so i need to find a way of really selling what i'm writing so that people will read it, so i guess i've honed my skills in that direction. i also usually get comments complimenting my writing style, though my own taste for it varies wildly. i also think i'm good at adapting my own style to fit the source material one.

What are your writing weaknesses? apart from being in a semi-permanent state of writer's block and never finishing anything, you mean? where do i START. action scenes. comedy. not doing run-on overly-wordy sentences no one but me will understand. too many italics. FUCKING PLOT. why can't i write solely vibes and pining, WHY does plot have to haunt me while blowing raspberries at me for not knowing how to plan anything more complicated than a fairytale-level quest.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? english already IS another language for me 😂 that being said, i don't generally like it unless it's an untranslateable pun term or plot-relevant, in which case footnotes are appreciated. exceptions are titles/honorifics/actual names of things.

First fandom you wrote in? danny phantom, all the way back in like... 2009? it was how i learned to speak/write english beyond the basics. it was very, very bad, but i'm glad i got to go through that and experiment so wildly in such an encouraging fandom.

Favorite fic you've written? cinq d'épées, my princess and the frog dr facillier/charlotte la bouff 15k oneshot LITERALLY EVERYONE IS SLEEPING ON. why do people keep gushing on the dracula/barbie fic when that fic is RIGHT THERE with far less views than most of my other fics and way better writing quality. i honestly hate reading my own writing and even i enjoy rereading that one, villain/heroine morally grey ships my beloved.

--

thanks again for tagging me!!! tagging @sandmancircus @acernor @nemainofthewater @produdfctititty @starfishride @malgraw @olderthannetfic if you guys feel like it!

[blazehedgehog]

Is it possible to make a game like Sonic 3 today within the deadlines it had back then? Pixel art, physics and all.

Why wouldn't it be?

It was the third game in the series. They already had a very strong idea of what they were trying to do with the character, they already had proven technology under them that they could easily extend and upgrade. They had been doing this on Sonic for three years already, and some of the people had been working for Sega even longer than that.

These were talented, experienced people. Professionals. Having the prior knowledge to be able to say, "if we do X, then we get Y" allowed them to work quickly and efficiently.

So I would compare it to, say, what I did with OverBite. OverBite was a game I made for a Clickteam Fusion Game Jam in 2016. We had from like, September 30th or even the 29th up to October 31st to make an entire game. It came out to something like 33 days.

So I made this game where you play as Dracula. I wrote all the code, designed all the mechanics, made all of the sprites, and built all of the levels. Alone. By myself. A single person. The only other person to help me with anything was my old friend Malcolm Brown, who handed me some music.

I had JUST bought Clickteam Fusion 2.5 on Steam, which means it had 0 hours of usage registered. I used it to make OverBite, which means I could track exactly how many hours I spent working on the game, and though I don't remember the exact total, I remember after doing the math it ended up shaking out to between 9 to 11 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 33 days. It was more than 300 hours total.

Again. For one person. I'm not saying it's the greatest game ever made. The level design in particular was extremely last second -- literally, I was down to the last day, only really had finished the gameplay engine, so I cobbled together four levels in a few hours and put it up seconds before the deadline at midnight. But the point is that I had worked in Clickteam Fusion for a decade and a half and could execute on my needs very well. I knew the software and the process like the back of my hand.

Now imagine having two people like that. Or five. Or ten. "300 hours of work in one month" suddenly turns into 3000 hours in one month. Using tech they already have, and proven gameplay concepts they have a lot of familiarity with.

It still wasn't easy, mind you. But the concepts that made it work back then not only still work today, they probably work even better because you aren't fighting to squeeze things down into such limited hardware. Like, the entire reason a game jam can even exist as a concept at all is because at a certain level of development, things are just easier now.

A game jam in 1994 is an impossible concept to think of because the tools had to be so super specialized to an incredibly narrow kind of work environment. You had to be a genius computer scientist to get something like Sonic the Hedgehog to function, never mind how much money it would cost to get something like a development kit.

Today, literally anyone can pick up a copy of Godot or Unreal 5, watch a few Youtube tutorials, and make a game from their bedroom with consumer tools. And those tools are faster, easier, and more intuitive to work with than anything that came before. It cannot be understated what a huge concept that is, and how that used to be totally impossible 15-20 years ago.

(And before some British dude rolls up like "yeah well you could always do that with the amiga" -- that's true, but it's also still different, and the fact that you can just give Microsoft $20 to unlock "Developer Mode" on an Xbox and start pushing Unity and Unreal games you develop on your PC to a console is still mindblowing in context.)

And it trickles down, too. If you know the conversion process, you can use these nice amazing modern tools to make proper retro games that run on real retro hardware.

All of this is to say that just because it's easier doesn't mean it should be done. OverBite absolutely slaughtered me. 11 hours of game development a day, 7 days a week, for almost five solid weeks was deeply unhealthy, physically and mentally. I haven't come close to finishing any game project, ever, since OverBite. It fried me.

And on Sonic Team's side, Sonic 3 was so massively stressful for them that they quit making Sonic games for almost half a decade. Crunch time development like that hurts in many ways, both visible and (mostly) invisible.

But yes, it could still absolutely be done.

[amphitritebaby]

vicious by v e schwab review yippee!!! spoilers under the cut

not my first book of the year but i finished it like 20 mins ago so. :) huge rant incoming!

first off i was entertained so that means its already pretty good. second i Loved the stuff in the beginning, talking about them doing research, experimenting, stuff like that. i guess i was in the mood for dark academia lol. i did wish there was more of that though, i wanted more of the research, more of the actual experimenting with basically killing themselves and being brought back to life shit cause that was epic. i fucking love it when crazy people especially crazy academics get so obsessed with their work it drives them even more insane. big fan. also,,,,,, ok not to be fucking gay but i kinda wish there was more stuff about their relationship in the beginning? like i didnt need them to make about but the whole aspect of trusting each other to both kill them and bring them back to life.....knowing someone so well you know that they'll do literally any crazy ass idea you come up with.... literally being remade by another person... OUHG. and i do wish there was more of the religious aspect too.... like maybe more of eli's backstory? i know that it says it like once that he has scars from his religious father, but maybe it could have talked him about how that ties into him thinking its his purpose from god to kill other eos.... idk. oh yeah and maybe this is my fault but my idea of the book before i read it was that the kinda mystery of why vic and eli aren't friends any more but then it just kinda revealed it pretty early so i was a lil disappointed about that maybe the pacing was a bit weird? or maybe i was further along in the book than i thought oh well. but yeah i thought those bits were good. the stuff in the present wasn't as good in my opinion, like i liked sydney she was fun and all, and mitch was fine but he didn't feel all there or as 3 dimensional. and victor i guess i just couldn't tell what the reader was supposed to get out of him... like he would kill people and feel like no remorse and then like go be nice to sydney or whatever and usually that would work for me like aww soft murder dude love him but here it idk didn't work as well he kinda was just a dude. like ok you shot and killed and tortured a cop. whatevs i'd love to do that. also this is on me but for some reason i could only picture him as percy from the critical role show with a top hat so that made him way less menacing to me idk. thats my bad lmao. anyways i think it was definitely a solid book and from the other stuff ve schwab wrote i can for sure see how she's improved which is cool but yeah. i'd say a solid 3.75 stars out of 5 for me rant over now

[caddy-crystal-queen]

This somewhat reminds me of how I met my best friend @atlas-the-worldbuilder

It was a loooong time ago in the merry world of high school circa...2008 I think? I graduated in 2010 and I was a year or two above him, so yeah...either way it was back in the way ancient past.

This dude was literally the weirdest dude I'd ever met. We met in the book club and I kid you not, atlas would hide under desks and behind doors. I personally thought something may be wrong with him or maybe he was doing it on purpose but either way it was like I saw that and was like "imma roll a 20 for friendship" (I don't play D&D but I hope you get my meaning).

So I went out and got myself a notebook, like one of them five subject ones, and wrote a note on the first page explaining what it was: a friendship journal. I had read about this concept in a book, where a pair of friends passed a notebook back and forth to each other every time they saw each other between classes or whenever. And it just kinda went from there.

I literally met and got to know my best friend through a notebook. Well, a series of notebooks. I still have one of them somewhere around here. I think he kept one or two as well.

And that's how I met my best friend, the so called "weird" kid. Be nice, be patient, maybe join them in their weirdness, and you may find that it's very amptly rewarded ^^

Love you Atlas ^^

the idea that your friends won't like you if you're too weird is wrong for example one time I told a friend whenever I was losing my mind I laid down on the floor under my desk and stared at it until I was better and next time she visited me she taped a bag of salami snacks to the underside of my desk with a message saying "going insane all by yourself, handsome?" which I only saw months later when I had a breakdown. that's friendship.

[pwblogarchive]

October 2004

October 2, 2004

“I Wrote The Word “Regret” On My Hand To Remember To Call You”

Its a fixedcat fight. And I’m going down fast, but I’m winking. Faking it. Tbs tour in chicago. You remeber 3 years ago when us and tbs first played chicago. Yeah to like 20 kids. So thank you for tonight. We are having so much fun. We have so many new songs.

Do you ever see someone just sitting alone and feel so bad. Just low. Like you just know they aren’t connected to anyone? Maybe that’s just me. I want this record to make those people feel okay, cause we all get there sometimes… Go read hey chris’s zine. Its pretty good.

Don’t roll your eyes at me I only want to write a song to suit your every mood.

P

October 4, 2004

“Its Not Gossip If Its The Truth”

Day off in omaha. Got some new tricks for you. Including: a green slytherin tie, members only jacket, and napoleon dynamite on dvd (youknowyouwantityouknowyouwantit). My hair is new black on blonde I don’t know what to think of it just yet. Me and dirty have been making funny videos that I hope you get to see soon. I don’t know why I read the internet- aaron from matchbook told me about our kickball game being written about on absolutepunk (jason tate is my homeboy- however it wasn’t teammatchbook that won it- it was team dirty consisting of: dirty, me, andy hurley, judas mbr, fred tbs, and mark tbs- we smoked the competition… So let the internet know. If you wanna play some kickball come find us. We leave for l.a. To record our record in november- I’m excited. We have these shows coming up on the east coast in december please get your tickets early, they will sell out.

I’ve got sunsets in my veins like you don’t even know.

P

October 6, 2004

“I’m A Headache Kid With Targets For Eyes”

Denver. singing one mile up. Had the best time till joe hit me in the head with his guitar. Yes again. It knocked me out. I apologize. We finished the set and we hope everyone still had a good time. I can’t sleep. I need your heart beat. I’ve been working on my other book, I can’t wait to see the west coast again. Then for florida we got great halloween costumes for you.

You could have taken the place of oxygen for me.

Peterpumpkin eater

October 7, 2004

“This Is A Love Song In My Own Fucked Up Way”

somewhere along the line i stopped believing in this. i stopped trying to match our breathing when we fell asleep. i hear about the way you brag about how all the songs are about you. only someone like you could ever be proud of that.

October 7, 2004

“Lets Walk This Romance Until Its Bitter End”

flew into seattle at 6:45 am today. eyes stuck shut with sleep in them. our entire band and crew was pulled aside and searched. we can’t tune guitars, theres no way we could bomb anything. i hate flying. i find myself assessing my life every time we hit a bump- if someone’s keeping score then i am fucked. got to play with a ton of great bands today. hung with my chemical romance a bunch- me and mikey, their bassist, have a gang called “the sweet little dudes”. we’re gonna make a secret handshake. trust me, you’re jealous. don’t be suprised if you see us on tour together in the future. the lost prophets had a party tonight, where they shot their new video. i did lots of monster faces for the camera, maybe you will see it. got another excerpt from my other book (not the boy with the thorn in his side) over at: www.fueledbyramen.com/journal -

sorry for all the complaining. it just comes so easy to me.

p

October 8, 2004

"atlanta to san jose"

The first thing I ever knew about her was a lie. Her lips curl when she’s talking about the “Q”. her middle name is “Q” she says.

but it’s not. She’s regular. She’s normal just like me. But Her lips still curl when she is hoping she isn’t caught.

Except she always is.

She reminds me of the anecdote about the lab rat who chose the intense pleasure button over the food button. He probably starved to death. 

But I’m sure he’s reliving the glory days up in rat heaven. 

I call her up to tell her to build me a model scale version of San Francisco because I have a great idea for a disaster.

She must be on the internet because the phone just keeps ringing. Right now I want to shoot every single fucking employee at Earthlink.

What do overweight Ethiopians, free money, the tooth fairy- and Q as a middle name have in common?

Liar.

I hate how I can’t stop thinking about the liar.

Freud says love is the sublimation of sexual impulses.

I say we are all lab rats. And consider this a failed experiment.

He says we sublimate our sexual desires to make them palatable to society.

This is what love is.

I say this must be a clinical trial.

And I am the control.

She is the “Stockholm Effect”- you know back in the seventies when victims fell in love with their kidnappers.

Yeah. She’s mostly like that.

She is the middle parts of Great Expectations. You know right before things go really wrong for Pip (and This wouldn’t be my story if I weren’t Pip).

God, I love victim culture.

I love Jeffrey Dahmer being a victim of society.

I love Patty Hearst. I love the “Stockholm Effect”.

The great victims of our culture. Aren’t we all?

Sexuality was first examined scientifically in the 19th century. Before that religion fielded all questions.

That didn’t work so well.

Love was not examined scientifically until the late 20th century.

Erich Fromm suggested that infatuation was a plan by Mother Nature to promote the survival of the species. See with out infatuation cave men would never have overcome the fear of interacting and eventually having sex with other clans. Thus ensuring the survival of the species.

This is what is commonly considered a breakthrough. Freud is spinning in his grave.

Our extinction is a Hallmark card away.

He later suggests that in order to love someone else one must love themselves. A classic “needs before other needs” argument.

Unfortunately, no one really loves themselves. And if they do, they need to get to know themselves better. Unfortunately, no one is really happy. So, let’s be unhappy together.

I call her up to tell her to build a mini version of San Jose for me to devastate.

Her roommate tells me she is on the phone long-distance with her aunt. 

I want to kill every member of her extended family.

Phenylethylamine (PEA), the chemical responsible for the swooning and feelings of adoration, is structurally similar to cocaine. Most people choose cocaine over love when given the chance. 

I wouldn’t say that’s a bad choice. 

The endorphins released during infatuation are similar to heroin; only they don’t make you skinny and pale. Oxytocin, “the cuddling hormone” most often found in new mothers and newlyweds, are like ecstasy- every touch feels a bit tinglier. 

Love exists in a bottle. In a syringe. I want mine diluted with water.

Most people would choose gambling over love when given the chance. We are the rat.

Most people choose pornography over love when given the chance. We are the cave-man.

Hallmark cards and boxes of Fanny-May chocolates will save humanity.

It’s all in the marketing. Kellogg and the original Graham Cracker originally marketed their products as a way to stifle teenage masturbation

I call her up to go over the blue prints for a miniature Atlanta because I crave catastrophe.

Her answering machine picks up. Right now I hate her voice.

It reminds me of how much I think about her.

She is the fraud. The faker. I can’t stop thinking about her.

I miss her lips curling with those lies.

I miss her body- See, she has a body that will go to the pornstar retirement home in her golden years- or prostitute heaven. 

to my favorite liar: you were always/never just a line in a song.

- petey

October 9, 2004

Release The Brats

Canada was amazing. Vancouver. Kissing weather but no kissing was done. If you’re coming out to any shows anytime soon I am in need of this one kind of shampoo its called purple shampoo or its in a purple bottle- it washes the color out of blonde hair- anyway the black is sneaking into the blonde and I need some. You can get it at beauty supply places. Ill hook you up with some merch or clan gear… Here’s the hitch I only need one bottle…

I’ve been calling you late at night in my mind. My bed misses me and you.

Petey

President of the brats.

Sweet lil dudes gang

October 10, 2004

“Status Report: I Am Missing You To Death”

so the update. i got the shampoo so ignore the earlier post, though thank you for even caring at all. im in portland.

i used to have headaches.

then i met you. now im onto

something new.

October 11, 2004

“143”

I could tell she was searching for something. Something punishing. Something unforgivable.

“I hope your plane crashes.”

Somewhere deep down so did i.

she always had this look of awe on her face when i looked at her (i should have told her, i don’t do “awe” but i will settle for “sympathy”). we all settle- sometimes you want chocolate and all they have is vanilla- sometimes you want romance, and instead you got me. im the sick feeling in your stomach the next morning when you remember the night before. i am the trash on the floor after the last dance.

i can only sleep on tylenol pms lately and they cant touch these headaches.

i swear to god i would give this all up if you asked.

the way i’d pretend that i could see you and not have my hands all over you if you would pretend i didn’t know everything.

the way i wrote every song about you, because of you, for you. but you were still always the first person i played them for.

how i cant pull the trigger.

im all the parts of a bullet but the powder.

if you were smart you’d skip this part.

you’d just stop reading.

i know this jumps around everywhere and doesn’t make much sense. i didn’t write this one. my moods did.

somewhere along the way. you decided i was settling.

but i never gave up on anything as pretty as you.

everytime the plane bumps, i think of you.

we cant stand being this close to eachother, even inside of IM windows.

and you said “im turning my phone off, ive had enough of this conversation for the night”.

and i think maybe that theres still a chance.

its like roulette- if the phones on then you still love me, theres still a chance. if it’s off- then i was wrong.

its like roulette, and im putting all my chips on black.

(your phone is off).

i never stood a chance. the house always wins.

imagine me at my worst- and i am just past that.

the sign on the road says “welcome to rock bottom”.

i own all the real estate.

this is us both signing off.

October 15, 2004

“Songs Don’t Settle Scores So How About Me And All My Friends Vs. You And All Of Yours”

If you’ve seen me around lately, I’m not sad or in a bad mood. I’m sick. It gets me really quiet and weird. I apologize. The west coast is so much fun. My mom is the cutest. She thinks someone broke into our house to steal new fall out boy demos, hehe, pretty good. Just on this side of crazy. I love my mom. This journal entry is all over the place. So I posted some pics of the new hair- you gotta look around and you’ll find them… Its not too hard. Got some good news for you soon.

P

October 15, 2004

12:08 am.

fuck your friends page, cause i said so

October 19, 2004

“Jason Tate Doesn’t Ever Call Me Back”

Vegas. The luck only goes one way. Piece of advice. Don’t bet all your merch money on red. Don’t dream of anyone except me. Were half way there. We’ve got even newer songs, some new merch, and some new ways of throwing it all away.

Jared tell jason to call me.

Peter

October 21, 2004

“If Its Any Consolation”

Every song on our next record will be about killing the head cheerleader.

October 24, 2004

“Cowboys And Girls.”

There’s something intensely foreign but endearing about texas. Put the love on hold. We move slow.

Were sitting out dances on the wall of club after the show. You said “I’m faded, but you should think this over cause it could take all night”. But I’m pretty sure you were just faded. My bunk feels like a coffin tonight. The airs humid here, hard to breathe- it makes every pull worth it. You’re lighting cigarettes off of eachother. You say it calms your nerves, but it doesn’t show.

Texas is the reason: apple soda, frozen poptarts, holister kids: ashley, jamie, renee, my dad, long letters vs. Short emails, laguna beach, zombie make up, dirty, cranberry and vodka minus the vodka.

Oh yeah, I guess some people brought me cigarettes to the show. I don’t smoke. That’s joe who posted that. Also, don’t feel like you have to bring anything.

Take this as it is. Spit: this is the curtain call on desperation. So come out and take a bow. Depression is so 90s. Hit it or quit it. There’s a world out there and I’m almost ready to feel alive in it. This is me telling you no one will ever feel like that again.

Lateralligator.

Peterpan

October 26, 2004

“Everywhere I Go I Keep Her Picture In My Wallet”

Sometimes you take chances. You take and and take. And then you take when you should have folded. Read this as: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. And know its true. No love is unconditional.

See you soon.

….fellas like me only spit lines like we’ve got somthing to prove. And all the boys want to dance with girls like you…..

October 27, 2004

“Where America Goes To Die”

Florida: we’re gonna have a new limited shirt just for you, beginning at the st. Pete show.

Also, if anyone wants to carve pumpkins. Come to the show early and ask for me or our tour manager dan. Here’s the catch. You have to supply the pumpkins, the knives and the spoons.

Peter

October 28, 2004

You know the funny thing is I already know how its gonna turn out. 

Get the book: www.clandestineindustries.com  

- petey

October 30, 2004

“My Wrists Are Black And Blue Cause I Don’t Have The Balls”

Fuck. I wish I could scream this into the screen. I don’t feel too eloquent right now.

Icalled you to save me. Voicemails don’t mean shit these days.

Its not worth the wishes on clocks and eyelashes anymore.

[lumiereandcogsworth]

WOW 😭 im starting to wish YOU wrote the “as old as time” book since thats the only “official” world building disney gave us and it was … bad 😭

ok ok so everything made sense but i still got some questions .. im so sorry 😭

so before i ask about time, how old do you think adam was before the curse? i see in the remake the change from “if he could learn to love before his 21st bday” to “if he could learn to love before the LAST PETAL FELL” so now im like how much time was that really ?? i mean obviously ur right on the whole time freezing if they felt like removing a key plot point of it all happening before adams 21st and the whole eternal winter fiasco, so whatever adams age was before the curse was the same after?? So im asking a follow up bc im still a bit confused if you’re saying the gap between the WHOLE curse is january to june? am i getting this right lmk 😭 i seriously think someday you should write a timeline on ur beauty and the beast world bc i am loving this theory sm?? literally everywhere else is yapping about it being 10 years (some are saying the curse was 21 years!!) and the enchantress being belles mom for some reason??? literally so silly 🗣️ anyway idk man ur ideas r just refreshing for this fandom ngl 😭 anyway thxs for answering my questions dude <33

AAHH i’m smiling SO WIDE!!! i love this so much !!! yeah yeah yeah

okay SO! yes, because batb 2017 changed the parameters of the curse, it’s up to us to decide his age! i actually decided a while ago that i would make him 21. this was mainly to honor batb 1991, but i also like that he was young. and you didn’t ask this, but i headcanon belle is 20. they’re a couple of youngin’s!! belle turned 20 in may, the movie takes place in june, and adam will turn 22 in august. SO yes he was 21 when he was cursed, and just 21 the whole time. that’s just my timeline for ya. i think belle is surprised to learn how close in age they are, when adam inevitably reveals his age to her when they’re courting. i think adam has Always been old for his age. (caused by childhood trauma and also just his personality) and i’m sure being cursed sort of “aged” him a bit too. something i love about them is that while belle is mature for her age as well, she is also able to bring out the child in him. he laughs with her, they play with and tease each other. they’re best friends, always. so he IS young, but he’s never really matched his actual age. life’s been difficult for him, despite the royal status :(

as for the timeframe of the curse, yeah that works!! i’m not too fussy about how many months exactly it has been, but i think six months is a solid number, and a storm in january makes just as much sense as anything. some day, when i’m feeling extra insane, i want to develop my own formula for how time compares in and out of the curse. like one real day equals one curse week, or something like that. i’ll do that some day lol. but for now i’m just vague about it. they were under the curse for MONTHS (six works nicely) and it FELT like a couple/few YEARS. belle was at the castle for five days (according to gaston), so how long did it FEEL like she was there? i think her and adam spent weeks, maybe months, falling in love. once she spent the night there, i think she fell into their frozen timeline as well. (maurice doesn’t experience it because he doesn’t sleep there!) which is kind of cool!! i love writing extra scenes that happen during the curse, because in my view, a lot more time passes in that period. which is evident (to me) in the nature of their rapport and dynamic. they don’t seem like two people who have only known each other for 5 days, do they? :”)

as to your lamentations, i can only sympathize. while i do love and respect batb 1991, it really has some frustrating plotholes for people who like digging into lore & canon. and i hate to start up comparisons, but i’ll just say i’m quite thankful for everything batb 2017 does to button up those issues. the ten years thing is rough, because that IS was 91 lumiere says! i’d have a hard time refuting that, myself. as you may have noticed, i’m quite the canon girlie lmao. i think lumiere was just being dramatic and hyperbolic, which lends to 17 lumiere singing “too long” instead of “ten years” — which i am so thankful for. the 21 years is… ludicrous? i have no idea how people could get there. maybe they think adam was cursed from birth ??? ugh. don’t get me started on people who forget that he was born a human being, AND DESERVES TO BE A HUMAN BEING AFTER THE CURSE IS LIFTED. i’ll blow a fuse. anyway!!

the enchantress being belle’s mother theory is i BELIEVE from a book that’s like batb but with a twist? i think there’s a whole series of books that are disney movies with wild twists. and for the batb one, it’s that her mother was the enchantress. i’m not ever going to read that, because it’s ridiculous, and canon is my beloved best friend that doesn’t need changing. but yeah i think that’s where that comes from. whateva. i have lots of lovely lore about belle’s beloved mama already💜

thank you again for your kindness and appreciation of my thoughts!!!! i can’t express enough how much it means to me. thank you a million times💖

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for Julianne Moore:

Hey, Julianne! It's me, Angelo.

Can I be honest with you? Don't be mad at me, okay? Promise?

I know you're a good friend of Natalie Portman. I've ignored you for the past few months to respect your privacy, and everything was fine until just a week ago when you suddenly flooded my Tumblr feed with your pictures. What's up with that? Why did you lose your self-control like that and suddenly decide to flood my Tumblr feed with your pictures?

Oh, I know, it's Natalie again, isn't it? She sent you to reason with me, hoping I'll come to my senses and acknowledge you all. Well, you thought wrong.

Just kidding aside, I'm a huge admirer of your work. I've been following your movies since 'The Dude' with Jeff Bridges and the Coen Brothers, so you can say I'm a dedicated fan.

I know you're a wise woman, and you are a lady, that's why I never bothered you, I think you are a legend in the film industry and I just didn't want to bother you, that's all.

Oh, I almost forgot! I absolutely loved your collaboration with Elton John in Kingsman. It was such a fun movie. Though, I have to admit, the scene where you turned human meat into hashed meat was quite disturbing. That image has stuck with me—it's easily one of the most unsettling scenes I've ever encountered in a film. Geez, woman! You cooked a steak with human meat, it was horrible, when I watched that scene, I was like: "Why did they let this scene in the screenplay? It's awful."

The movie was perfect but the human meat burger was a horrible idea, make sure you tell that to Matthew Vaughn, he wrote the screenplay. Human meat? Steak burger? Come on, man!

My dear Julianne Moore, you're beautiful, but I'm gonna be honest: I've never thought of chasing you. Maybe it's because you're the same age as Pierce Brosnan; he's 70 and you're 63. So yeah, I'm 20 years younger. By the way, I remember that lawyer movie too. I watched it many moons ago—actually, it was in 2004. But hey, who's counting?

I know my wife Tracey is 57 years old. Anything under 60 is fine with me, but anything above 60 is beyond my age limit. You're already three years into that range.

Fun Fact: "My mother is born the same year in 1960, you are the same age, so yeah, you know why I never look to seduce women born that year, it's spooky to me, it's a turn-off. You could be my mother."

Also, my mom has cancer, so yeah, I'm dealing with that pain too.

I hope you are not mad at me for being honest. I'm just real like that.

If you want a good team to hangout with, I encourage you to hangout with the X-Files team and the Conjuring Franchise team, the actress Gillian Anderson and the actress Vera Farmiga, you'll have fun with them.

Also, I have to warn you, Gillian Anderson loves to talk about penises on her IG page, so if she mentions penises in her conversations, don't be shocked, it's just her humor, it's Gillian humor.

I hope this message was useful, helpful.

Okay, this chat was fun.

Love you, Julianne! Have fun, big hug for you.