#yeah december was a very rough month for me :)))

[somethingsomethingcomic]

deadnamed at my father's funeral

[foxmulderautism]

that post i made on my writeblr about how there's this one story i have out with a mag that i want rejected because i have a story i think suits the mag better.....live cam footage of me receiving the rejection email on my rainy evening walk

[hisunshiine]

—revelations under the moon

🌙 pairing: alpha!namjoon x omega!reader 🌙 au/genre: ABO au, fated mates au, angst, smut 🌙 series rating: M 🌙 wc: 9,468 🌙 series warnings: mentions of an off-screen character death (barely a character tbh), brief male masturbation, thoughts of 'cheating' (if they aren't true mates though..is it?), cursing, retelling of a fake historical fable that includes VERY brief mentions of murder and suicide as the consequence of a tragic hero's hubris explicit sexual content: biting, marking, knotting, semi-rough sex, unprotected sex, creampie, aftercare 🌙 an: wow, i did not think i would get this out in time, january was a rough month for me, but my grandpa just finished his last lung cancer treatment last week, and im trying to just balance all the stress of real life, but yeah, i think it's getting better. thank you to my beta readers, @downbad4yoongi @moonleeai and @peachiilovesot7 i appreciate all your help, whether you helped in december or in february, it is much appreciated, as always. you're the best hype squad. this is also my first ABO story, so if you hate it don't tell me. LOL 🌙 summary: "When crescent rises, we shall rise as one, Aligned with moonrise, our time has begun." Alpha-heir Namjoon and his long time sweetheart are thought to be the next pair to rule Highscrest, but when Duskfall is attacked, the heir makes a decision that changes the course of not only his and his girlfriend's destiny, but yours as well.

This story is part of the "New Year, New Me Love" @bangtanwritershq gift exchange, written for the lovely @colormepurplex2! Happy Valentine's Day!

🌒🌒🌒 Tuesday - Waxing Gibbous

The loud chatter of the crowd irritates you; your senses are on overdrive after the past two weeks you’ve had. Packing and moving everything you own across the river during the New Moon was unexpected—almost as unexpected of it being a result of a peace treaty signed by the Beta of your old pack after the death of Alpha Tyvrin. 

A Beta jostles you in an attempt to move closer to the raised platform at the far end of the civic center, and you shoot him a quick glare before turning your attention back to the men on stage to avoid any drama. An Omega glaring at a Beta isn’t as bad as if it was an Alpha, but insubordinate enough still. The new tribe members do not know your previous role in Duskfall and have every right to challenge any hierarchical disrespect.

“Quiet, please,” a voice rumbles quietly, but everyone in the room follows the directive. You recognize the Alpha Father, or the father of the Alpha-Heir and most recent Pack Alpha of Highcrest, at the podium. Your irritation drops as your senses can finally focus now that the room is silent. The smells of so many new pack members still suffocates your olfactory system, but it’s bearable now. One scent seems to overpower the rest, a clean forestry smell that seems to dilute the others. “Good evening, and thank you all for coming tonight. We hope you all have been acclimating to the changes these past few weeks. If you have any concerns, please reach out to any of us here.” 

The Alpha Father waves over his son, stepping aside to let him take the lead of the rest of the meeting. Your eyes drink in the lithe movements highlighted by the fit of his suit. “Thank you, Alpha Father. For those of you who are joining us from Duskfall, at the time of the New Moon three months prior, I began the ascension steps. Right before your arrival, I had just finished the last of the three trials. All that remains is the bonding.”

You look around the room to see if anyone else is having the same reaction to his voice as you are—the crowd is transfixed; all attention is on the Alpha Heir Kim Namjoon. He’s young, almost thirty, but commands the stage. It’s not just because he’s handsome, though the blue suit and his dark brown hair help. His aura oozes from afar, your inner wolf screaming at you that this is a man you would follow and it’s your turn to receive a dirty look as you bump into the person in front of you. You turn back to the stage, ears attuning to his baritone as he continues.

“—final ceremony will take place in three days, and as you all know, I will be selecting my mate. I know that there are many newcomers who may be wary of joining the pack with all of these changes happening so soon, but please have faith in us. Highcrest will protect you all, and we will be at full strength as soon as the full moon rises in a week.”

Some applause breaks out, and his confidence soothes the wolf inside you that worries about this treaty. Highcrest sits on the eastern side of the Twin Rivers split, atop the range that leads to Twin Falls. Your previous pack, Duskfall, was integrated into Highcrest two weeks ago after Shadowhide attacked and killed Alpha Tyvrin under the cover of the New Moon, in a successful attempt at taking the land between the two streams. 

The fertile soil and access to the freshwater source has been a source of contention between Duskfall and Shadowhide for decades, and while a group consisting of the Alpha, Beta and his best warriors patrolled your western border, Shadowhide attacked. The Beta and a few others escaped by the grace of the moon, which gave the pack enough warning to prepare and kept Shadowhide at bay now that the act of surprise was gone. With the Alpha slain and the clock ticking before Shadowhide invaded, the Beta had no choice but to reach out to Highcrest for help. A peace treaty was signed, allowing all pack members of Duskfall to join Highcrest in exchange for their commitment to the pack. Any members who were against the treaty were allowed to leave of their own volition and go back to the main city, or find a pack of their choosing, but with the danger of Shadowhide’s takeover imminent, everyone agreed to travel east across the river and up the mountain range to the safety of Highcrest.

“Thank you to all of Duskfall’s former pack for all of your patience with us as we’ve worked to create a space for all of you here in Highcrest. After the ceremony, which is open to all unmated Omegas, everyone from Duskfall will officially be of Highcrest, and those who have not yet finished their commitment rites can do so at that time.”

You watch as Kim Namjoon waves over a tall, slender woman with sleek hair falling down her back. She is the picture of elegance, her walk stalking forward in a hypnotic fashion as she steps beside the Alpha-Heir and speaks to the crowd. You recognize her from the Apothecary you’ve been training in ever since you’ve settled into your new life here.  

“Good evening, everyone. I’m Min Everlight, an Omega of pack Highcrest. I am the head healer for the pack, and if Alpha Namjoon is ever unavailable, please come see me down at the Apothecary. I’ll help in whatever capacity I can in his absence.” Her hand moves almost subconsciously towards his, and they intertwine fingers. “We have committed our lives to this pack, and all of us up here will do our best to provide for Highcrest. Please stop by the apothecary this week if you haven’t yet received the Aconite to remove your Duskfall markings in preparation for your Highcrest one.”

Everlight stays linked to Namjoon as he takes a slight step forward to end the meeting.

“When the crescent rises,” he begins, and the people around you intone their response. 

“We, too, shall rise.”

Walking under the waxing gibbous, you and your Beta roommate, Sana, wave goodbye to one of your elderly neighbors. You’ve been checking on all of the members of your old pack, helping them in any way you can to get them acclimated after work. You go home tired every night, but you want to make sure this merger works.

Sana skips ahead as your new home comes into sight, singing the Alpha-Heir’s praises. “He’s so brilliant, I promise you this is the best thing that could’ve happened to us. And Min Everlight? She’s amazing, right? You’ve been working under her these past couple of weeks, isn’t she effervescent?”

You laugh at her excitement, answering her vaguely as you unlock the door to your shared home. “She knows her stuff, that’s for sure. I’ve learned a few new things already since we’ve been here, but most of it I already knew.” Sana dreamily wanders to her bedroom, ignoring your slight diss and chattering mostly to herself about how wonderful tribe Highcrest is. You plop onto the couch unceremoniously, thoughts on Min Everlight. 

Everlight is effervescent, with an inner glow that makes her the perfect Omega as mate for the Alpha-Heir. You’ve heard from the other women at the Apothecary that she and Namjoon have been dating for years. Longtime sweethearts and—if their little show on stage meant anything—his choice for his mate. This thought makes you feel sick, because ever since you walked away from Duskfall and followed him to Highcrest, your heart has thrummed for him. 

Taking a deep breath that you let out with a sigh, you change your line of thinking before you venture towards a vitriol hatred of your soon-to-be female leader. Min Everlight has been nothing but motherly and nurturing to all of you since your arrival, but the more you see her all over the Alpha-Heir, the harder it is to like her. Not just because of her romantic relationship with Namjoon, either, but that she represents everything that you almost were, and reminds you of everything you lost.  

You scratch at your upper arm over your shirtsleeve, where the Aconite serum you rubbed on earlier dissolves your Duskfall tattoo in preparation for your Highcrest one. The Aconite is diluted and mixed with other herbs to prevent poisoning that would weaken you before the ceremony. Sana disappears into the shared bathroom to shower, and you close your eyes for a moment not meaning to fall asleep as you wait for your turn.

The moon goddess blesses you with dreams of Duskfall past, memories of your destined path as the tribe’s Luna-to-be—the Omega paired to the now fallen Alpha Tyvrin—and you wake to the reality that all you have trained for was for naught.  

🌓🌓🌓 Wednesday - Waxing Gibbous

Or, more like you wake with the sudden slam of a door, sitting upright as you squint to keep back the sunlight. 

“Damn, you slept on the couch?” Sana questions, looking cheery and well-rested.

You clear your throat to answer. “Yeah, I guess so. What time is it?”

Sana glances at her watch. “Um, it’s half past eight.”

“Shit, I overslept, and I’m supposed to meet with Everlight again today.” You stand abruptly, and begin organizing all of the large pillows on the couch, laying the blanket just so until you hear Sana laughing at you. You look up at her with a glare. “What?”

“I think you might be in pre-heat. You’ve fluffed that pillow at least three times, and that blanket cannot be folded over the back of the couch any more perfectly unless you’ve got a protractor in the cabinet.”

“There’s no way, it hasn’t been enough time since the last one.” You ignore her as you clamber back onto the couch, tucking your legs up under you seemingly forgetting your plans for the day.

“Your heat is probably gearing up because of some Alpha at the meeting last night. With Tyvrin gone, rest in moonlight, you’re no longer taking the suppressants are you? With everything that’s happened, it makes sense that you’d forget,” she theorizes, “and apparently Highcrest doesn’t have that practice here.”

You can’t believe you’ve forgotten. In Duskfall, you were chosen by Alpha Tyvrin to be his mate, and asked to take suppressants until the ceremony. This was to help to prevent you from having a heat, decreasing your pheromones from triggering any non-bonded Alpha’s into their ruts and endangering you. These past few weeks since the move, you haven’t been taking any suppressants, and you’re sure by now it's run its course and is out of your system.  

“They don’t practice that here?”

“No, weren’t you listening at the meeting? The Alpha-Heir doesn’t choose his mate the same way like in Duskfall. Highcrest has a different ceremony. All unmated Omega’s can be part of it.”

“But isn’t Everlight most likely going to be chosen anyways?”

“I hear there’s blindfolds involved, so maybe instead of sulking, and filling the apartment with your sour scent, you can just join the ceremony and give it a try.”

The news fills your chest with what feels like sunbeams, and you smile at the Beta as you relax into what you’re now realizing is a nest.

“Ah, the room smells so much nicer now. Also—you’re late.”

🌓🌓🌓 Wednesday - Waxing Gibbous

Kim Namjoon sits patiently outside the Apothecary, waiting for Everlight to finish for the day. He can sense her inside, her scent a fresh scent of clean linen, just brought down off of the line after soaking in the sun. It’s always been the strongest scent to him, out of all of the women in Highcrest, and he’s sure that the Moon Goddess will prove her to be his mate this weekend when he ascends to his Alpha status. 

Fingers drumming along his clothed knee, he hums to himself as he watches the sunrays filtering through the trees as it sets. The small bell above the door chimes as small groups of girls and women of all ages trickle out from the shop—Everlight hosted a gathering after work for all of the newcomers to review the Highcrest ceremony procedures for women, and they all bow respectfully when they catch sight of him seated in the chair near the door. 

Namjoon can’t help but wonder what else they were working on today, his nose itches to investigate whatever new tonic or serum she’s put together this time—the smell is amazing. Like a warm honey coating his tongue, hints of bourbon with small bursts of brown sugar peaking his interest. He hopes it’s not something inedible, like the Aconite serum, and his curiosity getting the better of him, he stands, unbuttoning his suit jacket and moving to peer through the small glass windows framed in the center of the door. 

Ah, he thinks as he takes in one of the new pack members, Everlight must have let one of the Duskfall women teach a new tonic. Namjoon recognizes you through the dusty glass standing in front of the group, and remembers that his Beta, Seokjin, had pointed you out from afar when you first arrived.

🌑Two Weeks Ago 🌑 Monday - New Moon

“That’s Alpha Tyvrin’s mate, er—was his mate. They hadn’t actually had the ceremony yet, the attack happened before the full moon ceremony could happen, but she was set to be Duskfall’s Luna.” Seokjin’s finger points down the lane from the window of City Hall, connecting to a woman walking towards the villager housing area. Namjoon eyes you warily before posing a series of questions to his Beta.

“Will it be an issue to have two mature Luna’s in a pack? Should we offer to place her with another pack to mate with an Alpha?”

“I don’t know…I haven’t ever heard of something like this happening. Typically the Alpha has already mated the Luna, and since one cannot live without the other—”

“I see.” Namjoon understands why the Moon Goddess would create such a fate for paired leaders. “Had the ceremony already happened, she would be buried next to him. It could be a help, now that we have so many more people, to have two strong healers in the pack. Maybe she could travel on patrols in case of an attack?” He wonders how Everlight would react to finding out that there’s another Luna-trained Omega in the pack, and if this would be a way to spin it to lessen any blowback. 

Seokjin looks thoughtful, eyebrows lifted as he tilts his head and gathers his words carefully. “That could be a good option for the second Luna, so that their training and skills do not go to waste, especially now that our pack has grown…It could also be worth mentioning—with so many new members, it would be a good show of faith if you were to perhaps choose the Duskfall Luna as your mate—”

Namjoon’s growl silences Seokjin momentarily but he presses on when he sees no claws being barred. 

“I’m just saying, nothing helps unite two packs better than having one of their own integrated into the upper levels of the hierarchy. If we want to keep peace and help Duskfall feel loyalty to Highcrest, taking their to-be-Luna as your mate would be the smart move. You and Everlight aren’t fated, so it’s not like our pack would frown upon it under the circumstances—”

Namjoon’s eyes cut like daggers as he stares his Beta down, almost dragon-like in ferocity as he contains his inner beast. “Everlight is my mate, Seokjin. I would never betray her like that.” 

🌓🌓🌓 Wednesday (present) - Waxing Gibbous

Looking at you now, Namjoon is glad to see that you and Everlight seem to have no issues working alongside each other. After reading through previous Alphas’ historical notes and reviewing the history of the packs of the Twin Rivers Valley, he decided that it would be best to keep you around, as he worries his newest constituents would revolt if they thought he had banished you from Highcrest. He spent the first couple of weeks talking to other elder members of Duskfall, and learned that a lot of the pack had come to rely on you as they became acclimated, that you had been going around to visit with them and check-in, and keep them all calm with the changes happening. 

He appreciated that you had taken this on as a duty, especially when you were dealing with the biggest blow of all. Namjoon meant to meet with you to thank you, but the longer he took, the more it felt fake, rehearsed, and like an afterthought instead of what it really was: an Alpha-Heir not yet familiar with his role, and learning about you from afar made him feel like a weird stalker of sorts that he had all this knowledge of you and your skills from others.  

Your skills would be most useful to their pack, and though you were meant to lead the pack by an Alpha’s side, you could still maintain some modicum of that role, just as the second to Everlight. Namjoon is sure this plan will work. He plans to have a meeting with Seokjin and Everlight tonight, that way he can make sure that they will follow his plan without any issues. 

He knows he could just order everyone to follow along, but using his Alpha to force others to do what he wants doesn’t always work out in the long run. The history of the tribal lands and the fact that there were three distinct tribes from the original one, up until Tyvrin’s death, is proof of that. 

It’s much better for a leader to have the consenting loyalty of his pack, instead of forced fealty that brews contempt and derision. Namjoon steps back from the door to allow another person to exit, and once again, the honeyed bourbon seeps through the opening. It’s much stronger this time, urging him to his feet almost against his will. 

He feels his blood thrumming, pounding through his veins like a rushing river. Namjoon checks his forehead, as if feverish, and notices his hand comes back with a sheen of sweat. It’s like he’s gone into pre-rut, which would be crazy. He’s pretty regular when it comes to his ruts lining up with Everlight’s heats, and she’s still not due for a little bit…

Namjoon stumbles backward, taking the three steps back to solid ground quickly as he tugs at the collar of his buttoned shirt. He’s too hot, it’s all too much, he has to do something, move, but he’s in the middle of the town, there are people who look to him to be more restrained than this standing all around…Namjoon trips a little on the gravel beneath his feet as he takes off back towards City Hall and away from Everlight, afraid that if she is due for her heat and his pre-rut was triggered by that, he would mount her right there in front of the last few people in the store and fuck her hard against the counter, not caring if everyone saw the powerful way he drove his cock in and out of her until he filled her with cum and knotted her.

He’s locked himself in his office, blinds closed with his fist wrapped around his thick length as he imagines it: his hands firm on the plump rounds of ass, spreading the cheeks apart as he spits between them, Omega slick lathering his cock with every stroke and the tight walls sucking him back in with every pump out, and when he cums—copious amounts leaking around his large hand—it’s only then that he realizes that it wasn’t the clean linen-scented Everlight he was imagining taking his knot.

🌔🌔🌔 Thursday - Waxing Gibbous

You’re irritated—more so than you’ve been since your entire life was turned upside down two weeks ago. The Beta that’s always around the Alpha, Seokjin, randomly showed up at your place in the morning saying you were tasked to go on a supply run to the nearest city. It makes sense—Seokjin explained that the Alpha had handpicked everyone in the group to help new pack members meet others and start to learn their ways, and you appreciate it, except for the fact that you don’t want to be far from home right now. 

In fact, because of the upcoming ceremony, Everlight had let all of the women training in the apothecary have the next few days off, as she expected to be chosen and wanted to prepare herself and her home for what was to come. You had mixed feelings when she initially announced this to everyone, because while you enjoy the respite from the constant go-go-go of changes around you, the reason behind it left you feeling miffed. 

All of yesterday, you spent time working at the Apothecary and were even asked by some of the others to show them some tonics and potions that they had never heard of, and while you enjoy teaching others, it’s quite draining to go through the motions while talking through every step you make, and why. The girls quietly scribbled down your words in their notebooks, committing your teachings to paper, which made you feel good about yourself, until reality hit about your future. 

It almost didn’t feel fair that you were so new to the pack and already others were looking to you to train and teach them new things, meanwhile another person is slated to take the position you’ve wanted and trained for your whole life. 

Shaking away your thoughts, you tap back into the moment, finally having arrived in the bustling city a little past mid-day. You hate all of the smells; the odor rising from the sewer grates and scents from the people who jostle you as they rudely push past your group. You hold back the urge to plug your nose, sighing out a weighted exhale as you follow Seokjin through the automatic sliding doors and into a grocer’s market. 

🌔🌔🌔 Thursday - Waxing Gibbous

Back in the forest, a half day’s trip from the city, Kim Namjoon spends his time in his office again, hiding out from his duties by disguising them as last minute studying and planning for the ceremony. 

He couldn’t bring himself to meet with Everlight the previous night, instead calling Seokjin only to discuss the plans for the supply run. He looked over the list of items Everlight needed in the apothecary, and only because the winter months were starting to fade away into spring meant this would be the last expensive trip until winter came again. 

Bees do not make honey in the winter, so why can’t he explain away the coincidence of the honey bourbon smell and the note written in Everlight’s scrawl next to the requested item underlined twice: Honey — we’ve been out for ages!! He doesn’t want to believe that he could be feeling this way for someone other than Everlight, but of two things he knows for sure: he smelled honey, and Everlight is distinctly NOT a honey smell. 

Seeing that on the list had Namjoon rise with a wild idea, to send the other Luna far, far away for the day, to help him clear his mind. In reality, he paces his office, wearing thin the once plush carpet with his worried steps until he can’t take it anymore. Crossing the room, he walks with such a force that no one dares to question where he’s off to. 

He knows where you live, knows that your Beta roommate Sana should be home, and when he knocks on the door with authority, he expects Sana to fling the door open so hastily that the movement sends the mixed scents of the apartment wafting out at him. Instantly, he expects his spine to straighten as his whole body is overwhelmed by the truth—except that never comes. No one is home, as a kind older woman politely points out to him after his third attempt at knocking. 

“Those girls went into town today, it seemed like the Luna had to drag Sana along with her,” she chuckled, clearly a pack member who was fond of the two women. “Did you want me to tell them you stopped by?”

“No! I mean—no need to worry them about my visit, I can talk to them tomorrow, thank you.”

He swiftly departs, deciding to just head home instead of back to the office for some peace.

“Joonie!”

Barely having set foot in his residence, Namjoon is bombarded with the irritating scent of laundry detergent. It’s too pungent; overwhelming in a way that he’s never experienced before. He catches himself before his nose wrinkles and Everlight ascends into his arms. He hugs her back, planting a soft kiss to the side of her head in an endearing manner before she pulls him into the dining room for an early dinner with his parents. 

Namjoon spends the evening engaged in conversation with his parents and Everlight, avoiding talks of the ceremony as best he can—despite his mother and girlfriend's best attempts. His dad eyes him warily—in that cunning way that only another Alpha can—sensing the change in the dynamics within the room. Namjoon is grateful his father remains quiet, simply watching the conversation over the nightcap of barrel-aged Cabernet Sauvignon from their cellar.

Once they call it a night and his parents disappear to their room, Everlight begs Namjoon to stay over, and unable to say no to the woman he’s never said no to before, he relents. He regrets this decision almost immediately, as his hopes that Everlight would help him take his mind off of the one thing that’s been at the forefront of it are crushed.   

“She’s just really good at healing. She knows a lot, like I can’t believe I’m even admitting it, but she knows things that I don’t. And the things I have been able to teach her, she learns it so quickly and easily. I’m actually kind of jealous.”

Namjoon can tell; Everlight’s face is scrunched up in a way that makes her look unattractive, and he doesn’t know what to do or to say to make her feel less insecure. 

“Maybe it’s a good thing she is joining our pack. It’s important to learn and grow continuously.” It’s as diplomatic as he can be at the moment.

“Yes, but she’s trained as a Luna, just like me. It’s a little like she’s trying to take my spot. Yesterday, while I was teaching, the other girls asked her to teach them something I didn’t know, and I just had to stand there and let her take over my lesson. The girls were so focused on her and taking notes, it made me kind of hate her.”

She’s looking at him, her eyes trying to find something within his, but he looks away, reaching for the light next to his bed.

Everlight reaches for him, aligning her body to his as her fingers grip his shoulders so she can position herself atop him.

“That’s why I can’t wait for the ceremony, baby. We can finally be a true, mated pair. Start our forever, with me as your Luna. No room for confusion from the pack about who will bear your pups.” Her eyebrows waggle up and down suggestively as she lowers her lips to his plump ones. “We can practice now if you want, you can scent me, let all the bitches in heat know to back off.” She kisses him again. 

Namjoon kisses her back, but her laundry odor fills his nasal cavity and her words are so off-putting for the role she hopes to take on for the pack. He can feel her hands travel down his ribcage, but nothing about her touch turns him on. Pulling away from the kiss, he catches his breath as he readies his excuse.

“Babe, I think we should wait,” his large hands hold her shoulders firmly before his touch grows softer, palms smoothing up and down her arms in a soothing motion. “The ceremony is so soon, and I want it to be sacred…I know that might sound cheesy and un-Alpha-like but—”

“No, you’re right.” Everlight smiles softly at him, but he can see the hurt in her eyes at being rejected. “I’m just feeling overwhelmed with all of the new pack members and the changes happening, I think I got a little over excited.”

“I love that about you, you know? You’re excitement over things, and how you want to be the best version of yourself for our pack. You’re already an amazing Luna in your own right.”

Everlight excuses herself to the bathroom, and Namjoon clambers off his bed, bare feet leading him towards his cracked bedroom window. In the light of the almost full moon, he can now see the noises that drew his attention moments ago: returning members of his pack walking down the path to their homes. 

There’s no mistaking it now. A warmth blooms from his groin, spreading higher until his neck grows hot from it as his nose and mouth feel thick with the sweetest bourbon honey scent. With you unaware of his gaze as you laugh with Seokjin and Sana, he feels jealousy boiling into his chest.

“Mine.”

🌕🌕🌕 Friday - Full Moon

You wake up late on Friday morning, your body a little stiff and sore. You feel as if you slept with a heater on, sleep clothes clinging to your body due to the sweat that covers your skin. You try to shake it off, but the feeling doesn’t go away, even after a cold shower.

You’re not surprised you woke up mid afternoon after arriving back at Highcrest near midnight, but you suppose the excitement of what’s to come will keep you awake the rest of the evening. You have to meet the elders for the pre-ceremony rituals at the start of moonrise, so you eat a light snack in the hopes it won’t trouble your stomach too much. 

You know now that Sana is right. Your heat will kick in no later than tomorrow afternoon, with the confirmation of the night sweating and soreness symptoms appearing today, but you worry about what it will mean if you end up not being chosen…you’ll begin cramping and sink into Omega-space, leaving you vulnerable to other higher ranking pack members without a plan prepared to get you through your heat.

At quarter till six, you leave your home with a small bag of items and head to city hall, where Elder Aline waits for you and the other Omegas who planned to join the ceremony to arrive. Elder Aline was old—she worked closely with the Luna three times removed was in power, and lived to prepare both of her successors, and now would be helping to prepare this ceremony. 

You hug your bag to your chest as the last of the group arrives: Everlight. She only looks slightly surprised to see you in the group of seven Omega’s, but she fixes her facial features quickly and offers you a bright smile. 

“I didn’t expect to see you in the group!” Everlight’s tone is friendly enough, but the undercurrent of her words screams out territorial.

“Oh, yeah, my roommate said I should come as an unmated Omega to take part in the ceremony. It’s different from our previous pack’s tradition, and if I hope to carry out my duties and help with future ceremonies, the best way to learn is to be part of it, right?”

Your answer makes sense, perfectly curated to help push away any questions that dig too deep into your motivations, including yourself. Part of you knew that it would be beneficial to you if the worst comes to fruition, but the other part, the more primitive part, knows the real reason is because the wolf inside of you longs for your mate to be Kim Namjoon.  

Elder Aline calls for your attention, her weathered voice a calming stillwater that acts as a soothing balm to the nervous energy in your chest. She speaks to the group, sharing some information about how the rest of the night will play out before she leads your small group towards the outskirts of Highcrest, to the south of a small lake on the edge of the forest. The walk takes a bit of time to navigate the terrain, especially with an Elder leading. 

You allow her moments to pause and rest, clearly fatigued from traipsing through high grasses and uneven dirt, but soon enough you are there, and placed along the treeline, a small clearing awaits you. She makes quick work of explaining the first ritual’s steps, and you allow her voice to lead you through the routine. 

The cleansing ritual itself takes the better part of an hour, as everyone planning to participate strips down to enter the water under the light of the moon which now grazes the top of the trees. A small pouch filled with herbs and petals is handed to each of you to rid you of any lingering outside scents. You lather your skin, taking the time to clean every inch before stepping out to air dry. It’s colder than you expected, but no one wants to risk masking their scent for the ceremony. 

The elder had laid a simple white dress on the shore of the lake near your bag, and once dry, you sheathed your body with it, happy for the fabric to provide some warmth. She pulls a thermos from her bag along with small cups.

“Purified under the new moon,” she intones, handing you a steaming cup of tea. “Red azaleas, to pull out your emotions and attract your true mate.”

You sip it slowly, letting the heat warm your hands. The other women join you after the elder gives them each a cup, and you huddle in a circle, trying to stay warm.

“I think it’s good that we have so many of us for the ceremony,” Everlight speaks, her voice light and airy. “It would be a boring ceremony if I was here by myself.”

Her words were clearly chosen carefully, meant to sound like a compliment to the others for their company, while laying claim to the role not yet given to her by the moon. You bristle, feeling your body heat up. Her comments were starting to annoy you, because a true Luna was not insecure or haughty. She was a healer, a person that others could go to when they needed strength, compassion, or empathy. Everlight seemed to have forgotten this. 

“I think it is great that Highcrest’s tradition is different from ours, it feels more…pure.” You don’t know how else to describe it, but the act of having the alpha choose his mate through this ceremony feels like how it used to be. The elder hears you and her words confirm this. 

“This is the true ceremony. But come now, it is about time for us to begin.”

She leads you around to the north side of the lake. A small copse of trees had blocked the incoming sight, and now that you were closer, you could see the small gathering of pack members standing in a crescent.  

Directing you to step into the open space, she takes your cups from each of you as the seven of you line up with ample space between each other. You look around nervously. The cold you felt earlier when you were wet and naked exiting the lake was gone; you notice that you feel hot. You’ve felt hot since drinking the tea.

The crowd murmurs quietly to one another as you look around for Sana, finally finding her to the right near the top point of the moon shape they were standing in. She waves at you, a smile breaking across her face as she takes you in. 

All at once the noise in the forest dies out. The muttering follows suit, and Elder Aline steps before the crowd. 

“Before the great divide of the tribal lands, the Alpha’s mate was never set in stone until the ceremony was completed. Even if the Alpha had taken many lovers as a young pup, it matters not, for what the moon reveals is the truth. And an Alpha dare not disobey the moon, lest the pack fall weak.”

She then begins her tale of the history of the original tribe they descended from. 

“Many, many moons ago, we once existed as a proud and noble pack led by an Alpha of unmatched strength and wisdom named Lycaon. Under his reign, our pack thrived, united as one for the good of the group. We honored the ancient laws dictated by the phases of the moon, for we knew the moon's power was both a gift and a curse. Before the divide, we could shapeshift along with the phases of the moon.

But Lycaon, with his pride swelling within him like a thunderous storm cloud, began to question the moon's choice for his fated mate. He refused his fated Omega, instead choosing who he wanted, and not who our celestial goddess knew our pack needed. Ignoring the warnings of his most trusted Betas, Lycaon decided that his unborn son would also choose his own mate, not the moon.

At first, this defiance seemed to have no negative impact. But before long, cracks began to appear between pack members. By refusing the moon's guidance, the pack ended up with an Alpha-chosen Luna who was not prepared for her role. The rejected Luna fell melancholy, and took her own life, saying she could not watch the ruin of her pack. Some wolves found themselves unable to control their shifting, and began to attack their own kin in fits of madness. Other pack members grew weak—their bodies unable to withstand the impact of their dual nature.”

The entire crowd was enraptured hearing the tale, as Duskfall members did not know the history, and you are among them in learning the true history of the divide.

“As chaos descended upon our once-proud pack, Lycaon's authority waned as the full moon wanes. Desperate to maintain his grip on the pack, he resorted to ruling the pack with fear instead of respect. But his efforts only fueled the flames of discord, and soon, the pack was torn asunder by fights and betrayal.

In the aftermath of our pack's collapse, three new packs rose from the one, each led by a different wolf claiming to be the one true Alpha. They fought for the lands we stand upon today, with Lycaon’s son, Claudin, taking the hills to found Highcrest, and the other two packs fighting over the lower grounds.  Claudin knew that in order to reclaim the strength and glory we had lost, he must not allow pride or the greed for power seduce him into betraying the moon.”

A low murmur swept through the crowd. You knew your former packmates had the same thoughts running through their mind as you did—could this really be true? Was Alpha Tyvrin’s downfall predestined to happen in order to reunite the original pack? Elder Aline coughs, and you focus back on her.

“And so, this tale of Alpha Lycaon and our pack serves as a tale of caution for generations, a reminder of the dangers of hubris and the importance of respecting the ancient laws that govern our kind. Alpha Claudin rectified the treachery his father had done unto the moon, but we shall never shift again as punishment.”

A quiet settles upon the crowd, and the elder gestures to a group of children you didn’t notice before. They step towards each of you, and she asks you all to kneel. The small child before you has a face like a cherub, full cheeks pulled tight as he shows his teeth to you, eyes disappearing in his delight. 

He bequeaths a length of dark fabric, and his hands move so as to wrap the ends around your face, deftly knotting it behind your head. When you feel him step away, you stand back to full height. Your other senses are heightened, anxiety blossoming at what comes next. You hear footsteps, and sounds of awe and admiration sweep across the crowd stealing your nerves. You freeze in anticipation. 

“Alpha Namjoon has done what we once thought impossible, uniting two tribes where whence was three, and we must continue to follow the moon’s guidance. We must not deceive ourselves. The moon will not lead us wrong. It will not lead him wrong.”

Seconds tick by as you wait, eyes furiously trying to see through the thick material stealing your sight. Seconds turn into minutes and you can hear the faint rustling of bare feet traveling across the grass, the weighted foot falls accompanied by heavy inhales of the still air surrounding the area. You know the Alpha has entered the clearing—can feel a palpable shift in the energy as your body grows hotter by the second. His scent sings to you, and you whine lowly, wanting to follow it.

Again, the crowd responds to something unseen by you, this time it has your inner wolf crouching, tail down and ears back—showing submission. Another whine escapes you, a little louder this time. Your distress must be filling the area around you, you can sense the crowd’s movement, reacting to your scent. You begin to panic, fearing that a distressed scent would push the Alpha to choose another, not the scared, submissive and pathetically whining bitch in heat—

🌕🌕🌕 Friday - Full Moon 

Namjoon walks up to the clearing surrounded by his closest advisors, some of whom had been absent patrolling the borders and securing their land the past several weeks, and returned in time for the ceremony. As he approaches, the sounds in the forest quickly fade, as if sensing his arrival.

He waits for his signal to enter the clearing, far enough away that he can only smell the crowd of his pack members standing between him and the clearing where the Omegas will stand. Namjoon spent all day in the forest, away from town preparing for the ritual by hunting for game to be used for the meal to feed his mate before the knotting. He also had to follow the same cleansing tradition, bathing under the light of the full moon, drinking the purified new moon tea, and dressing in loose, white linen pants.

He tried his best to clear his mind from the events of the previous evening, and once he was away from the bustle of the town square, he found it easier to convince himself it was just a fluke. After years of being with Everlight, the idea of being fully committed must have made him feel a bit scared, so he latched onto the idea of something new, someone different…you. 

Now, after his mindful afternoon in the forest, he knows he just has to trust the moon will lead him to Everlight, his mate. He knows her scent, knows it like he knows the taste of his mom’s cooking or the sound of his father’s favorite whiskey bottle opening.

As the moon climbs higher, he waits, steadily listening as the crowd quiets and Elder Aline speaks, recounting the tale of the original tribe. As she gets close to finishing her tale, Namjoon is tapped on the shoulder by Beta Taehyung, who motions to the blindfold in his hand. 

“It’s time, Alpha.”

Namjoon nods, taking the blindfold from the younger male and covering his dragon-shaped orbs. He fastens the knot, and he senses when another one of his trusted Betas approaches him. 

“I have the pouch here. Make sure to smell it deeply before—” 

Beta Jungkook is interrupted by Namjoon. “I know, I know. Smell it deeply before I let my inner wolf out to track my mate.” He lifts an open palm so Jungkook can place the small, organza fabric reticule into his hand.

When he hears his name, he knows that’s his signal. He follows the sound of the elder’s voice to enter the clearing.

“Alpha Namjoon has done what we once thought impossible, uniting two tribes where whence was three, and we must continue to follow the moon’s guidance. We must not deceive ourselves. The moon will not lead us wrong. It will not lead him wrong.” 

Raising the small sack to clear his olfactory senses, he inhales a piece of his own clothing, a small handkerchief he kept on him all week. A trick using olfactory habituation to cleanse his palate from the surrounding smells, allowing him to only smell his mate. The crowd shifts, he can hear stilted murmurs about his physique being on display since he was shirtless as he walks past his pack. 

Stepping fully into the clearing, he inhales deeply, and instantly he picks up the laundry scent that he’s so used to being surrounded by. It’s definitely Everlight’s scent—he’s almost positive—but it has an edge to it, a slight tinge that he’s not used to smelling. The longer he stands there, the more the scent morphs into a cloying, headache inducing smell. It’s almost fake, a manufactured scent that doesn’t entice him. 

He steps away from the smell of it, noting an undercurrent of something nice. The crowd reacts, confused at his actions, but he doesn’t care. He knows he has to trust the moon. And that bourbon-honey scent? He wants more of that. Lifting the pouch again to his nose to rid it of the sickly sweet smell, he drops his hand after a few inhalations, allowing the soft honey smell to seep into his pores. It’s alluring, growing more seductive by the moment, but then it takes on the additional bitter scent of anxiety, and Namjoon worries that something is wrong. 

He can feel his inner wolf scratching to get closer, to protect, to save his mate—when he steps closer, the crowd reacts again, so he grabs at his blindfold, tearing it free so that he can get to you. He needs to calm you down, you need to feel safe, to know that your Alpha is here to protect you. He’s closer to you than expected, and the whine you let out calls to him in more ways than one. 

His body feels alight with flames, he can see you’re trembling. His hand moves without him thinking, gripping the blindfold and tugging it up and off your head. 

🌕🌕🌕 Friday - Full Moon 

The light of the moon feels blinding as you blink to adjust your eyes to the sudden return of your sight before it’s eclipsed by the broad body of the Alpha. His breaths are almost frantic, a heavy panting that moves his shoulders with each exhalation as his wild eyes roam your face. His neck gland is hidden by a tied piece of cloth, masking his scent partially and you want to bury your face into him, seeking safety and comfort. 

Your body responds to his proximity almost immediately, a simultaneous calming of the mind’s anxiety as physically you feel engulfed in a blaze, a sweat finally breaking out along your hairline as you’re thrown into full heat. Namjoon’s nostrils flare as he inhales you, his face looking triumphant as he kneels on one knee before you. He reaches for your hands, which tremble as he locks eyes with you. 

“Namjoon, what the hell?!” Everlight stands several omegas down from you, her face free of the blindfold, which now dangles from her fingertips at her side. She doesn’t move for a moment, not until she realizes the Alpha was not responding to her. Her steps don’t falter as she gets closer to you, but your scent grows sour as you take in the murderous look on her face.

Namjoon’s movements are quick and fluid. He stands and postures himself, keeping you protected behind him as he shoves Everlight back with one hand.

“Mine,” he growls. Everlight drops the blindfold, confusion blossoming upon her face. 

Namjoon turns to you, grasping your cheeks gently in his hands. “Mate.”

He throws his head back, and lets out a loud howl to the moon. 

Chaos ensues. The entire field grows loud as some pack members celebrate the ceremony’s success, while others gossip about the outcome. You can hear snippets of the conversations until another voice grows louder, shouting at the Alpha. It’s Everlight, your brain registers, she’s angry, her sour scent wafting in your direction as she screams. 

Some Betas you’ve never seen before hold her back, preventing her from coming closer to you and Namjoon. You back up, jostling into him, and the urge you had earlier grows so strong you don’t hold back. Jumping into his arms, you bury your nose into his neck, and you instantly melt against him, fatigued. Namjoon is startled but holds you tightly, and you can feel when he begins to walk swiftly away from the crowd.

You don’t question it, you just let your Alpha lead you to someplace safe. It takes a few minutes before you arrive at a small cottage, its windows lit with a soft glow. You recognize it for what it is—a mating cabin. Set far enough away from the town square that a newly mated Alpha and Luna can have alone time to get through the next few days. 

Namjoon sets you down, but doesn’t let you go. Opening the door, the first thing you see is a pack of water on the small wooden table. It’s one large room, like a studio with an open concept. There’s a small kitchen set up to the left, and straight ahead is a large bed. The sheets are clean and welcoming, and you can feel your body beginning to cramp as your heat kicks in. 

You knew it was coming—the low-grade fever, mild cramping, and more recently, increased slick and pheromone production ever since Namjoon touched you in the clearing. You shuffle, uncomfortable as slick leaks out of you, trailing down your thigh slowly.

You can hear Namjoon inhale sharply, before he’s kicking the door shut and grabbing you firmly. He doesn’t speak. His eyes say everything though, the adoration and lust sparkling in the low light in the room. 

“Alpha.” It’s a statement. It’s a request. 

His lips are on yours, devouring, tasting, suckling as if he can’t get enough of you.

“Honey. You taste like sweet bourbon infused honey…it’s intoxicating.” Namjoon kisses you again, this time his lips trail from yours to your neck. He teases you, teeth nipping at the skin as your thighs rub together seeking pleasure as he pulls sinful mewls from your throat. Your hands grip his upper arms, and you try to tug him towards the bed. You need him. You need his knot. 

“Please, Alpha,” you beg, and he shivers in your hold, aroused by your submissiveness. “Need you.”

Namjoon lifts you up, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist. You grind against him, biting his bottom lip aggressively. You feel so hot—burning up—and he’s the only thing that can cure you from this growing pain. 

Your heat is in full swing, and you can tell it’s triggering your Alpha’s rut. He’s trying to hold back, be gentle and slow, but when you push your leaking core against him, he gives in. His hands fumble with the waistband of his linen pants before his heavy cock springs free, fully erect and searching for your entrance. You move your waist to help the angle of his cock, as one hand holds your hip and the other holds the base of his shaft to align himself. 

When the slight pressure on your slit gives, you thrust forward, forcing him inside you with ease thanks to your copious amounts of slick. You feel full, the head hitting in just the right spot. Attempting to create friction, you try to undulate your hips, but the resulting shockwaves from the tip meeting that sensitive spot causes you to clench around him. 

He freezes, feeling the quickening of your walls and you yelp in surprise when he throws you on the bed. The loss of him inside you feels unfair, but he steps out of his pants and soon crowds your body with his own as he climbs over your body. A firm hand presses into the middle of your upper back, before he grips your hips and pulls them upwards. The dress slides down, revealing your bare backside to him and you feel more than hear the growl he lets out. 

He leans against your body, ripping your dress up until you are able to slide the garment off your arms and throw it to the floor. A smack jolts you forward, but he adjusts you back into place. You feel his thumb drag over your slick covered folds, taunting you. 

“Alpha!” you whine, and he chuckles before realigning his length to your throbbing core. At this angle, he reaches deeper inside of you, and he begins to rock his hips, thrust after thrust inside you. His large hand grips your chin, turning your head to the side. 

“Want to see that pretty face as you cum on my cock, want to hear you cry for me when you take my knot.” His low baritone promises you pleasure beyond your imagination. 

He licks up your spine, kissing and nuzzling into your neck, and you know it's the spot he wants to mark you at. You beg him to do it, but he just shakes his head against your skin. “Not yet, my love.”

He kisses you with every thrust he takes, before sitting up more to pin you down to the bed. His movements grow sharp, hands grabbing at your ass cheeks as he pounds into you. Switching up his movements, you can’t believe he fucks so well when he begins to rotate his hips and slips his thumb into your mouth. You suck on it, drool leaking from your mouth onto the sheets as your legs shake. 

You clench again, involuntarily spasming every few seconds and you know you’re close—you tell him as much. 

“Fuck,” he curses, and you grip the bedsheets as he adjusts his hold on you. His hands move to your hips and he arches your back even more as he speeds up his own movements. They're fluid, your slick making it almost effortless for him to please you, to take you from behind like this until he’s so deep he could feel himself poking through your stomach—

“Take my knot, want you to have my pups, fuck—”he presses his hips flush to your ass, streams of his cum filling you up endlessly as your body wracks with euphoric release. You whine as you feel the intense pressure of his knot filling you before the pain of his marking bite overtakes your senses. 

You feel overwhelmed in a good way, pain giving way to pleasure as the bite seals your mated status and his knot begins to slowly deflate. Once able, Namjoon rolls you over to face him, nuzzling into you as you hold him close. Your heat was sated for the time being, but you knew that soon you would be climbing him once again to meet your needs. 

You wince as his nose grazes your fresh mark and he makes an apologetic face. Standing up from the bed, he grabs a bottle of water for you, twisting the cap off for you and proffering the drink. 

You take a full swallow, quenching the thirst you didn’t realize you had. Heats have a way of making you forget to take care of yourself in that way. The fatigue consumes you, and you drop back down to the bed. Namjoon takes the bottle from you and places it on the side table. His hands massage your calves, working his way along your thighs. His movements could put you to sleep, but you knew as well as he did that this reprieve would not last long. The moon shone through the window casting a faint glowing halo around Namjoon’s head.

He was yours. 

In the moon's tender glow, we're born anew,

The night's canvas echoes our ancient call,

Omegas and Betas, to their knees they fall,

For the Alpha, bound by destiny's fate.

To lead, to fight, to protect, to mate,

In lunar hours, gaze upon the sky,

Let Luna's wisdom be your guiding light,

Her soothing touch to mend wounds that cry.

When crescent rises, we shall rise as one,

Aligned with moonrise, our time has begun.

↣ all rights reserved © hisunshiine 2024. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

[keikikait]

Hi!

I loved Home Movies so I was wondering if you could do another Steve smut. Something where he gets jealous and gets really rough with the reader?

Thanks!

ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴍɪɴᴇ (ꜱᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʜᴀʀʀɪɴɢᴛᴏɴ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

if you want to read my other steve smut, click here!

pairing: steve harrington x f!reader (au (but still the 80's), but both are early to mid 20's)

word count: 3.3k

summary: you wouldn't actually go out with jason...would you?

warnings: SMUT WARNING 18+!, friends/coworkers to lovers, jason is a shithead, VERY SLIGHT reader x jason, dom!steve, sub!reader, p in v, birth control is not mentioned but is implied (wrap it b4 u tap it gang), use of the word 'slut' once, cunnilingus for a second, nipple play, steve can get kinda rough, SLIGHT orgasm denial, creampie, cum eating mention (?), not proofread

a note: i don't think i slayed with this...

please reblog and like, it means a lot! let me know what you think!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

It was an abnormally quiet Friday night.

You sit at the counter of Family Video, making paper stars out of a McDonald's straw wrapper, waiting for either a customer or for the clock to strike 10pm so you could finally close. Whichever came first.

Steve walks around the store, sweeping up quite literally nothing, just trying to find a way to kill the last 15 minutes before close. He had already faced the VHS tapes, restocked the candy, and put away the returns. Part of him wishes he just didn’t do it all so quickly.

“Where is everyone?” Steve finally breaks the silence, leaning against the counter, setting the broom against it. “I thought it was Friday night.”

You shrug. “Maybe at the game.”

Steve scoffs, propping himself up on his hands. “Who would pick spending their Friday night watching a basketball game over watching a movie? I mean, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge just came out last month!”

You sigh, folding over the strip of paper, continuing to craft your star. “Maybe they don’t want to watch a horror movie in December.”

Steve groans, dramatically leaning against the counter again. “Save me from this boredom, please, pretty girl. I just want to go home.”

The door opens and the bell dings.

“Hi, welcome to Family Video.” You both say simultaneously. 

You look over the counter, pushing on your elbows to see around the shelf. Jason Carver lazily walks in, hands shoved in his letterman’s jacket pockets as he glances around. You immediately lose interest, sitting back down on the stool. You start to work on your paper star again.

“Hey man, what's up?” Steve greets Jason casually, leaning back against the counter. All things considered, they were friendly with each other. They were old teammates in high school, after all. He glances at the clock - still ten minutes left until closing time. “What happened to the game?”

Jason shrugs nonchalantly as he approaches the counter. “The game ended early and now everyone's heading to the after party.” He pauses, glancing between you and Steve. “You guys coming?”

Steve frowns slightly, looking over at you, still engrossed in your origami project. “Uh, I'm not sure yet. Might head home, actually.”

Jason raises an eyebrow. “Really? Passing up free beer and babes for a night alone? That's not like you, Steve.”

“Yeah well…” Steve trails off, shrugging. Jason’s gaze shifts to you. He leans on the counter, tapping his hands on it. 

You sigh, sitting up straighter. You hated these stupid fucking barstools. “I’m not going either, Jason.”

Steve’s eyebrows raise as he leans closer. “Oh yeah? Got plans tonight, then?” His tone was curious, but there was something else there…jealousy perhaps?

No. Of course not.

You shake your head. “Nope, just not feeling up for it. I’m tired.” You look back down at the straw wrapper, continuing to fold it. You were almost done.

Jason scoffs, tapping the table. “Well, that’s shitty. The hottest girl in our entire college is sitting my party out. What’s the world coming to?” Your nose scrunches slightly. You already didn’t like Jason, but the way he was talking about you was leaving a sour, vinegary taste in your mouth.

You sigh, rolling your shoulders. “It’s not my scene, Jason. You know that.”

Jason stares at you for a moment, taking you in. He wasn’t admiring you, he was looking at you hungrily. “Come on, sweetheart. Not even for me?”

“Not even for you,” You say. “Parties just aren’t my thing.”

Steve frowns at Jason's comment, crossing his arms. "Dude, come on. Don't be a creep." He glanced over at you, trying to convey sympathy through his expression.

Jason laughs, waving a hand dismissively. “What? I'm just inviting her. No need to get all defensive.” He turns back to you, smirking. “You know, if you change your mind, you're always welcome at my place.”

“I appreciate the offer,” you reply dryly. “But I think I'm good.” You finish folding the straw wrapper into a tiny star and set it aside, trying to find something else to do. Anything to avoid looking at him.

Jason turns his attention back to Steve momentarily. “You know, Nancy’s gonna be there.”

That causes Steve to tense up slightly, his jaw clenching. “She is?”

“Yeah, man.” Jason says. “Heard she and Byers are taking a break. This is your shot, man.”

Steve clears his throat, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, I guess I might swing by for a bit then. Do you think I could convince her to get back with me?”

“Yeah, dude, totally.” Jason says, picking up the star you made. He rolls it between his fingers. “She’ll be all over you before midnight. You know, I heard she still wears underwear with the days of the week on them.”

Steve chuckles, standing up from the counter. “She wasn’t when she was dating me.”

Something in your stomach twists at the idea of Steve getting back with Nancy. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Nancy, you did, you just thought they were over. You thought that you and Steve were starting to feel something for each other, always sending each other flirty glances during your shifts. He even called you ‘pretty girl’. Apparently you were wrong.

You press your lips together. Might as well shoot your shot with Jason, right?

“You know what, Jason?” You suddenly interject, leaning across the counter. “Maybe I do wanna go.”

Steve looks surprised at your sudden change of heart, raising an eyebrow. “You do? I thought you weren't feeling it…”

Jason grins, tossing the star back onto the counter. “Told ya, Steve. My parties are where it's at.” He leans closer to you, your faces almost touching. His breath smells of menthol cigarettes and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, and you dig your fingernails into your palms to stop from gagging. “You wanna come with me, baby?”

Gross. “Yeah, I’d love to.” The lie flows off of your tongue quickly. 

Steve watches the exchange between you two, a mix of confusion and disappointment on his face. He places his hands on the counter. “You want to go with Jason? Of all people? You don’t even like Jason.”

“I’m right here, man—”

“Maybe I like him now.” You cut Jason off. “You don’t know me better than I do.”

Steve scowls, clearly unhappy with the situation unfolding before him. “Whatever, suit yourself.” He straightens up, crossing his arms over his chest. “Just don't say I didn't warn you.”

Jason reaches out, lightly slapping your cheek. “I’ll let you close up, sweet thing. I’ll be outside.”

He leaves as quickly as he arrived, the bell dinging as the door shuts.

You both close the store in silence. You count the register before putting the money in the safe as Steve shuts the door, puts up the barricade, and turns on the alarm. 

You can feel him staring at you as he approaches the counter. You look over at him. “What?”

Steve huffs, running a hand through his hair. “You're really going to go with him? After everything we've...talked about?” He steps closer, his brown eyes intense. “I thought maybe there was something between us. But I guess I was wrong.”

His gaze drops to your lips briefly before meeting yours again. There's a flicker of hurt and confusion in his expression. “Fine. Go have fun with Jason then. See if I care.” He turns away, dismissing you.

“I’m only going with him because you’re going to get back together with Nancy.” You admit, walking around the counter to stand in front of him. You had no reason to lie. “As if I would actually be caught dead with Jason out of my own volition.”

Steve stops in his tracks, turning around to face you fully. His eyes narrow, a hint of anger flashing in their depths. “Excuse me? You think I'd choose Nancy over you?” He takes a step closer, his voice lowering. “Is that what this is about? Jealousy?”

The air between you crackles with tension as Steve looms over you, his presence overwhelming. You can smell the lingering scent of aftershave, mixed with a faint hint of cologne. His jaw clenches, and for a moment, you worry he might lunge at you.

But instead, he reaches out, gripping your chin firmly. His thumb brushes against your lower lip, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. “Listen to me. If I wanted Nancy, I wouldn't be wasting my time with you.”

“You say that yet you never do anything, Stevie.” You say. “Jason is at least honest that he wants me.”

Steve's grip on your chin tightens slightly, his brow furrowing. “Honest? Is that what you call it?” He releases you abruptly, stepping back and raking a hand through his hair in frustration. “Jason doesn't give a damn about you beyond using you for his own entertainment.”

He sighs. “And as for me, maybe I am hesitant to make a move because I don't want to ruin what we have. We work well together, pretty girl. Let's not screw that up over some misplaced feelings.” Despite his words, you notice the way his gaze lingers on your lips, the slight flush creeping up his neck. Steve is struggling with his own desires, torn between caution and the undeniable attraction between you.

“My feelings aren’t misplaced.” You say. 

Steve's eyes search yours, a mix of longing and uncertainty in their depths. For a long moment, neither of you speaks, the silence heavy with unspoken emotions.

Finally, Steve exhales slowly, dropping his arms to his sides. “Okay, fine. Maybe they're not.” He takes another step closer, until he's mere inches from you. “But what happens after we admit these feelings? We both know our lives are complicated enough without adding romance to the mix.”

He reaches out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch sends shivers down your spine. “Tell me, pretty girl, what do you want from me?”

“All I want is you.” You say softly.

Steve's breath catches at your confession, his hand stilling against your cheek. His eyes darken with desire, a muscle ticking in his jaw as he struggles to maintain control. “You don't know what you're asking for,” he warns, his voice low and rough. But despite his words, he leans in closer, his face mere inches from yours. You can feel the heat radiating off his skin, the intoxicating scent of his cologne enveloping you. Your heart races, anticipation building in the pit of your stomach.

“Last chance to back out,” Steve murmurs, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours. “Because once I kiss you, there's no going back.”

You lean up and kiss him. 

As soon as your lips meet, the world seems to fade away, leaving only the electric connection between you and Steve. He groans softly into the kiss, his hands coming up to cradle your face as he deepens the embrace.

Tongues dance, tasting and exploring, the passion between you explosive. Steve pulls you flush against his body, his hardness pressing insistently against your belly. You can feel the heat of his arousal, stoking the flames of your own desire.

Breaking the kiss, Steve rests his forehead against yours, panting heavily. “Fuck,” he whispers hoarsely. “I want you so bad it hurts.” His hands slide down to your hips, squeezing possessively. “But we need to talk about boundaries and expectations. This isn't just a one-night thing for me.”

“Fine by me.” You say breathlessly. 

A slow, wicked grin spreads across Steve's face at your agreement. He captures your mouth in another searing kiss, his tongue delving deeper as he pushes you against the counter. 

“You’re so cute, you know that?” Steve whispers against your lips, nipping at them playfully. “I've wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you.” 

With that, he claims your mouth again, kissing you with a fierce intensity that leaves you breathless and aching for more. His hands slip under your shirt, palming your breasts as he teases your nipples into hard peaks through the fabric of your bra. You moan softly, pressing against him as your thighs clench. You reach out to grab his biceps.

Steve grinds his hips against yours, letting you feel how hard he is. “Feel what you do to me, baby?” he purrs, nibbling on your earlobe. “I'm gonna make you feel so good, you won't ever want anyone else.”

His hands slide down to your ass, giving it a firm squeeze as he lifts you effortlessly. Your legs wrap around his waist instinctively, the heat of his erection pressing against your core. He carries you into the manager’s office, shutting the door behind him. He clears a space with one hand before setting you on the edge.

"I want to taste every inch of you," Steve murmurs huskily, trailing kisses along your jawline and down your neck. He tugs at the hem of your shirt impatiently. "Can I take this off? Please?"

You nod eagerly, lifting your arms to allow him to remove your shirt. Your chest heaves with each ragged breath as his hungry gaze roams over you. You bite your lip, watching him with wide, eager eyes.

The sight of your perfect tits encased in lacy lingerie makes Steve's mouth water. “Goddamn, baby,” he breathes reverently, reaching out to trace the swell of your cleavage with a fingertip. “You're fucking gorgeous.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Unable to resist, he dips his head, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the tops of your breasts. His tongue darts out, teasing the sensitive skin above the cups of your bra. “Let me see all of you,” he pleads, looking up at you with smoldering eyes.

His hands find the clasp of your bra behind your back, deftly unfastening it. The garment falls away, revealing your hardened nipples to his appreciative gaze. “Beautiful,” Steve whispers, cupping the weight of your breasts in his palms.

“All yours.” You say breathlessly. 

A low groan rumbles in Steve's chest at your words. Leaning in, he draws one taut nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud. His other hand kneads your neglected breast, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

He lavishes attention on first one breast, then the other, sucking and licking until you're writhing beneath him. Your fingers thread through his hair, holding him to your chest as jolts of pleasure shoot straight to your pussy.

“Stevie…” you whimper, arching into his touch. “Please…”

Releasing your nipple with a wet pop, Steve looks up at you with a devilish smirk. “What do you need, baby? Tell me what you want.” His hand drifts lower, teasing along the waistband of your jeans.

You lift your hips, biting your lip.

Steve chuckles lowly, the sound sending vibrations through your heated skin. He pinches your nipple roughly. “Words, pretty girl.”

“Please eat me out!” You blurt out.

“Mmm, someone's eager,” he purrs, popping the button of your jeans and slowly dragging down the zipper. He hooks his fingers in the waistband of both your jeans and panties, tugging them down your legs in one smooth motion. Tossing them aside, he settles between your parted thighs, his breath ghosting over your slick folds.

“You're so wet already,” Steve marvels, running a finger through your slit. He brings it to his lips, sucking your essence clean with a groan. “Fuck.”

Spreading your thighs wider, he lowers his head, flicking his tongue out to taste you directly from the source. “Oh fuck, yes,” he moans against your pussy.

You let out a sharp gasp, your back arching as his tongue delves into your pussy. Your hands fly to his hair, gripping tightly as you grind against his face.

Steve laps at your dripping pussy like a man starved, his tongue plunging deep to claim every inch of you. He suckles on your throbbing clit, the suction making your vision blur with pleasure.

Your desperate grinding against his face only spurs him on, his hands gripping your hips to hold you in place as he devours you. Moans vibrate against your sensitive flesh, adding to the intense sensations overwhelming your senses.

Suddenly, Steve withdraws, leaving you panting and bereft. He rises to his feet, his eyes blazing with lust as he quickly sheds his clothes. His thick cock springs free, already leaking precum. “Hold onto the desk,” he commands gruffly, positioning himself between your thighs. “I'm gonna fill you up so good, baby.”

He spits on his cock and grips your hips, lining up with your entrance.

You grasp the edge of the desk, bracing yourself as he pushes forward, sheathing himself inside you with a single, powerful thrust. A loud cry tears from your throat at the sudden fullness, your inner walls clenching around his cock.

“Fuck, you're tight!” Steve grits out, his hips jerking as he buries himself to the hilt within your slick heat. He pauses for a moment, savoring the exquisite sensation of being fully enclosed by your soft pussy. “I know, I know. You’re being so good, letting me stretch you out.”

After a few seconds, he begins to move. He starts out slow, nearly pulling out completely before pushing in all the way, but the feeling of your cunt is too addicting, and he picks up speed. "Take it, pretty girl," he gasps. "This is what you needed, isn't it? To be stretched wide open on my cock?"

As if in response, your pussy clenches even tighter around him, milking him. Your voice is breathless when you speak, “Yes, yes, fuck, I need it!” 

Steve's fingers dig into the soft flesh of your hips as he pounds into you mercilessly, the force of his thrusts pushing you further up the desk. 

Leaning over you, he changes the angle of penetration slightly, allowing him to drive even deeper. One hand snakes up to pinch your nipples while the other dips between your legs, finding your swollen clit.

“You like that, don't you slut?” he pants harshly in your ear. “Having your little cunt stuffed full of my cock while I play with these perfect tits?” He rolls your nipple between his fingers roughly as they continue their punishing rhythm.

“Oh god, oh fuck, yes!” You moan loudly, your body trembling. Your pussy clenches harder around his cock, your mind going blank except for the urgent need to cum.

Steve's thrusts become erratic as he chases his own release, his balls drawing up tight against his body. "Gonna fill this greedy cunt up," he rasps, his voice strained with impending climax.

With a final, brutal slam of his hips, Steve buries himself to the root inside you. His cock pulses violently as he unleashes a torrent of hot cum deep within your tight cunt. “Fuuck, baby!”

The intensity of his orgasm triggers your own, your pussy rippling around his cock as waves of ecstasy crash over you. You scream his name like a prayer, arching your back and pressing against him. 

As the afterglow sets in, Steve collapses against you, his softening cock still nestled inside you. He nuzzles into your neck, panting heavily. "That was... fucking amazing, baby." You wrap your arms around his neck and hug him, going nonverbal for a second. He rubs your back gently, pushing your hair out of your eyes before kissing your forehead. “You okay?”

You nod. “Just need a second.”

He holds you closer, his cock now completely soft inside of you. He kisses your forehead again. “I was serious, you know. When I said I didn’t want this to be a one time thing.”

“So was I.”

Steve hums, cupping the back of your head. “Good.”

You sigh, nuzzling him. “Are we still going to Jason’s party?”

“Oh, fuck no.” Steve says, chuckling. “Come over to mine instead.”

You nod. “Okay.” He pulls out of you and your pussy clenches as his cum starts to dribble out. “Ah, shit.”

“Don’t worry,” Steve says, kneeling again. “I’ll clean you up, baby.”

You throw your head back as you feel his tongue on your clit again.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

let me know what you think! <3

[fushiglow]

How's it gloing?

I haven't spent much time on here recently, so I thought I'd check in with you guys! I don't tend to speak about my personal life online, because I don't really want to. However, I've received a few messages that seem easier to answer with a little (long) update.

In short, if you ever want to know how I'm doing, simply check how long it's been since my last update to Over the Threshold! We're currently approaching three months between chapters so ✨ yeah ✨

Work got Very Bad™ to the point that I had to take time off with stress. They hired a consultant to help me with my "ADHD specific struggles", only for the consultant to turn around and say "yeah, the issue isn't with the employee, no one can do all that". wbk.

Employers are at least trying to take appropriate action but the transition period is rough. I fully burnt out, so easing back into my responsibilities without getting frustrated and self-conscious about how little I can now manage each day is hard. Of course, mum has been undergoing cancer treatment throughout all of this too. Though the worst is (hopefully) behind us now, it's been rough, pals!

I'm doing my best with Over the Threshold, but that story is a different beast. I try to follow the inspiration wherever it takes me, because I've never found forcing it to be helpful, but I really want to move forwards with this fic now! I'm determined to make some significant progress once chapter 12 (the biggest problem chapter yet) is out of the way, so wish me luck!

It also hasn't helped that my special interest series came to an end rather unexpectedly during this time. As embarrassing as it feels to admit it, I've spent quite a bit of time grieving the end of JJK. I found my feet in the fandom here on Tumblr, and I'm sad knowing it'll never be the same space now it's over. Without the yapping and theorising and nerding out, I'm not sure how to make use of this place really, but while BlueSky seems promising, I miss Tumblr a lot. I really want to spend more time here again, so I think it's time to dust off the old queue. Reckon I've got stuff from last December sitting in there!

I know I've left a lot of people hanging in this time, and I'm genuinely sorry for that. However, I've been preserving every last drop of energy for the thing that gives me most joy: writing. My fics have brought many wonderful friendships my way, and I'll never stop being grateful for that, but trying to keep on top of all the different things demanding my attention is a huge part of the reason I burnt out.

At the end of the day, I'm here to create first and foremost, and I have to prioritise that for my own wellbeing. I really hope you understand ♥️

Okay, enough of that! Let's end on something less serious! A lot of the content I used to create here is no longer viable or appealing, so aside from unwanted yapping about my own writing, I'm not sure what to post about! Is there anything you'd like to see from me on Tumblr specifically? And last but certainly not least, how are you?

A reminder that my asks are always open — love you guys!

[oristian]

S E C R E T S A N T A ; —

HO HO HO, I hope you enjoy your gift @thedeviltohisangel !! I really and very thoroughly enjoyed this piece and it really allowed for me to connect back with both Nesta and Cassian in such a unique way! It is currently just a one shot, but I have been entertaining the idea of writing a second part from the other perspective—I will be sure to let you know if I do so! Without further ado, I so hope that you enjoy this gift! AO3

SONG 01 — SONG 02

WARNINGS — Mentions of death, alcohol abuse, depression, and language

@acotargiftexchange

Redacted (I’ll name you later),

I tried to light you on fire, but the leather only singed; it did not burn. Rhys told me that it was borderline pathetic that I would not even use you for a day. What does he know? Perfect hair. Perfect reputation. Perfect family. I am the only stain in his life—The fucked up adopted brother that should have been left in that orphanage. They took pity on a little boy in rags, but little did they know how he would grow up to abuse their kindness.

Cassian

15 DECEMBER

“My name is Cassian, and I … I am an alcoholic.”

The group replied in a practiced, almost mechanical monotonous chorus: “Hello, Cassian,” accompanied by a few distracted grunts from the older folks. They sat in a loose semi-circle within the sterile, detached space of the YMCA gymnasium, the hum of fluorescent lights buzzing overhead and faded, yellowing motivational posters clinging to the paint-peeled block walls. Cassian sat at the head of the circle, occupying the lone backless metal chair, his body coiled tight, his teeth grinding. His palms, slick with sweat, scraped against the rough denim of his jeans as he tried to steady his nerves, the harsh light above him making everything feel too bright, too exposed.

The meeting had been in session for the better half of an hour, though Cassian had sat ram-rod straight, bitting down on his tongue as the others spoke. The sheer vulnerability of the group set him on edge, how comfortable these folks were with sharing their stories with absolute strangers.

“I killed someone.”

The words held a bitter aftertaste upon his tongue, his throat suddenly tight as the thoughts that had plagued him for weeks—months—finally breached the air surrounding him. The group was silent, save for the buzzing of the lights above-head.

Redacted,

That woman was there again, the one with the blue eyes. She never speaks. She wore something different this week—A large woven sweatshirt with a mini pegasus embroidered across the front. She looked damn funny with her blank expression and the grinning pegasus, but I liked it. It made her seem real. Human.

Cassian

05 SEPTEMBER

The light above the porch flickered as the car pulled into the driveway, a few moths knocking into the exposed bulb once, twice, three times before falling to the wooden slates below. The front door was ajar, a few stumbling individuals gripping the frame to steady themselves, and neon LED lights shifting between colors from the crack of the entryway.

Cassian whistled lowly under his breath before tossing his head back, downing the mini shot of tequila silver.

“The rules are as follows,” Rhysand began, pulling the key from the ignition and glancing at his the two men piled against each other in the backseat. “We leave by midnight, and no extra passengers allowed—Yeah, I’m looking at you, Cassian. Feyre would actually have my balls if I bring my car back smelling like cheap perfume again.” He adjusted the rear view mirror, sending a stare back to Cassian, raising a brow until his brother held his hands up in surrender, a wolfish grin tugging at his full mouth. “I got it. No girls, or else your balls will suffer—The imagery is great, by the way.”

The dreams all begin the same. A flash of light, a distant screech of wheels, and a scream so piercing it could cut glass. In this world, there is only the absence of pain—the broken ribs, shattered bones in his arms and chest, they do not exist. The repeated record scratch of that damned scream is pain enough. Recently, though, the dreams have begun to shift and something unexpected has seeped into the scene.

Hands; that of a woman. Hands that wrap around his wrists, thumbs that run against his scars, and lips pressed flush beside his cheek.

15 DECEMBER

Her eyes were the same shade of fresh fallen snow under the hue of midnight—an icy blue tinged with a ring of silver. She watched him as if she were undressing him, though not his clothes, him; down to the very essence of self that resided just beyond his ribcage. If his body were floating, she would be the gravitational pull that grounded him once more. Cassian felt breathless.

His hazel eyes darted to the chairperson, a dark-skinned woman with graying hair and wide-rimmed red glasses. “Call me Sandy,” she had said upon their first meeting, gripping his hands within her own and flashing him a yellowing smile. She was charming, albeit a tad bit spacey.

Sandy nodded towards him, a jut of her rounded chin, and gestured for him to continue speaking. Despite it all, she would listen.

Cassian cleared his throat and leaned forward, resting his elbows atop his knees, rubbing at his bruised knuckles.

“I used to say that it was, uh … That it was an accident.” His head was low, hair tumbling loose from his top knot and brushing against his face, and his gaze remained locked on the scuffed tennis shoes he wore. “The truth is,” his jaw clenched, “I chose to drink that night. I chose to take my brother’s keys. I chose to have that girl get in the car with me.”

Cassian trailed his fingers from his knuckles down to his wrist and back up, repeating the motion as he huffed a breath. “She told me no, at first. Said she was worried about the weather.”

Redacted,

That woman was at the coffee shop next to the YMCA before the meeting. She takes tea over coffee, Earl Gray, with two packets of sugar and a splash of cream—She doesn’t know that I saw her nose scrunch when she realized it was not sweet enough and she added four more packets. Seeing that content smile on her face was damn near worth nearly running into someone else.

She wore a leotard under her jacket. I wonder if she’s a dancer.

Cassian

11 OCTOBER

“You need to see someone, Cas.”

The mid-afternoon sunlight was a stark contrast to the previous pitch black, though his brother paid no mind as he drew the heavy drapes back. Cassian groaned, rolling over in his sheet cocoon and pulling his pillow over his head. Footsteps sounded across his room as his Azriel and Rhysand busied themselves with clearing the empty takeout containers and crushed beer cans from his furniture and opening windows to allow fresh air into the stuffy, pigeonhole apartment.

The pillow was ripped from his hands. Cassian slowly opened one eye, glancing blearily up at Azriel.

“I heard you got fired,” Azriel frowned, crossing his arms around his broad chest. He wore a dark-wash jean jacket, and Cassian had to remind himself that the temperature had begun dropping—though, it had been weeks since he last stepped foot outside.

“Eris has a big mouth. Did he tell you my shitting schedule, too?”

Rhysand slammed his fist against the wall, his teeth clenched as he turned fully to face Cassian. “You just are not getting it, are you, Cassian?” The light reflected off of his brother’s face, tears welling in his indigo eyes as he gripped the doorframe, his chest heaving from the exertion. “We’re fucking losing you right in front of us. You don’t give a shit, do you?”

The door slammed shut in his wake; the glass from the frames shattered as they hit the floor.

Cassian knew that he was dreaming—could see the headlights and hear the scream, but he was floating. Weightless. Adjacent to him was a cracked door, a soft ambient glow emitting from the viewport. Classical music poured from the opening. Despite himself, Cassian shouldered forward until the golden knob was gripped between his fingers.

And there she was, the light reflecting off of her fair skin and cascading down her braided bolden-brown hair. Her body moved as if it were made of liquid; up and down, around and back, as if the music flowed freely through her.

The dancer pivoted on her heel, facing him.

05 SEPTEMBER

Her body was pressed flush up against him, her back and his chest rutting together and he gripped her waist, her hips moving back towards him as the liquor and music removed their inhibitions.

Cassian knew that she was some younger girl from his graduate seminar, some advanced non-major that had too many credits and needed to be moved upwards to remain on scholarship. He had flirted relentlessly with her throughout the semester, but he knew that she prioritized her academics over romance and rejected him just as fiercely.

Until that evening, when she watched him walk into the foyer and pulled him onto the dance floor, maneuvering his hands so that he was touching her bare skin.

Fucking finally.

Redacted,

The physical therapy is much less humiliating, and moreso actually something that I look forward to. The doctor says that my recovery is progressing much faster than originally anticipated, though my damned knee still hurts. Everyday. Walking is fine, that is slowly getting easier.

I may never run again. That is my worst fear.

Cassian

15 DECEMBER

“There had been a flash flood warning that afternoon and it had started raining halfway through the party. The roads were wet and the visibility was too low. No one should have been driving that night.”

A hand pressed atop his shoulder, fingers squeezing assuringly. Cassian did not have to look up to know; she would always root for him, despite it all. Though, it was debatable if he deserved such kindness—such care.

“I had crossed lanes, couldn’t see the fu—I could not see the lines.” He could see it so very clearly in his mind; the solid yellow lines, the headlights, the night sky as the car overturned—

He watched her dance. The rhythmic movements of her body, paired with the dynamics of the scene, painted an artwork so beautiful that it brought tears to Cassian’s hazel eyes. He tapped his foot along with the best of the music, humming softly under his breath.

He yearned to dance with her, to take her hand within his own and sing a duet only audible between their bodies. Though, would she have him? A man with sins far deeper than scars.

What would she say if she knew?

12 OCTOBER

Cinnamon, and the scent of something full, aromatic and nutty, wafted in from the side kitchen as Cassian entered in through the door. The man shrugged off his overcoat and hung it from the rack before toeing his shoes off in their wake. From deep within the house, he heard laughter and the patter of children’s feet as they ran across hardwood.

“Uncle Cassian!” Something small, yet incredibly hard, slammed into his shins. Tiny arms wrapped around one of his legs and Cassian bit down on his lower lip, grinning softly as he glanced downwards at his nephew, Nyx. The soft blue eyes that stared back at him were reminiscent of Nyx’s mother, Feyre, but the wild grin on his face was all Rhysand—a mix so perfect of the two that even Cassian sometimes struggled to keep up.

Cassian roused Nyx’s dark hair and the toddler giggled, scrunching his nose and bringing his shoulders up to his ears. “Hey, buddy, I missed you.”

He was led into the living room where the other children were spread out on the carpet, various games and toys layed out around them. Cassian took a seat in the brown leather recliner and pulled Nyx up and onto his lap. Glancing upwards, he caught sight of Azriel and Gwyn playing a card game at the back table—though, Gwyn were on her second loss, it appeared, and she was instructing Azriel to show her the inside of his sleeves. Azriel smirked back at his wife, a teasing sort of smile, “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Uncle Cassian, I heard that you’re sick. Do you need to go to a hospital?”

Heart stuttering in his chest, Cassian met the worried state of his nephew. Despite himself, he allowed a small smile to form on his mouth. “Uncle Cassian is a little sick, Nyxie, but I will get better soon. Pinky promise.” Nyx furrowed his brow and puffed out his cheeks before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Cassian’s face. “There,” Nyx said as he smiled widely, “mommy says kisses make everything better!”

Cassian rubbed his fingers against his skin, his throat constricting. “Yeah, buddy,” he muttered after a slight pause, “they always do.”

Cassian,

I hope you don’t throw this away. Here is the number and address of a really good therapist. Her name is Alis and she really helped me after Tamlin. Please, if you do this for anyone, do it for yourself.

Alis — (XXX) XXX - XXXX

309 Rainbow Alley, Velaris, NC 23467

I love you,

Feyre

Redacted,

I am such a fuck up. I know that. My brothers know that. Hell, even my nieces and nephews probably know that. Do you know that, journal?

Alis knows too much—or, at least it feels that way. She has this look in her eye like she can see everything that I’ve hidden from everyone else. It’s weird, but sitting in her office, in that chair, I don’t feel afraid. I don’t feel like my chest is going to cave in.

She gave me this journal. Told me to write how I feel. Said it would make me better.

Cassian

05 SEPTEMBER

Pilfering the keys off of Rhysand was a simple task, especially with his brother passed out on a dirty frat house couch.

Cassian pivoted on his heel and jingled the key ring, grinning as the girl giggled into her hand, brushing her long hair back behind her ear. The goal was to get out of there, find something quick to eat—Cassian had a plan, and that plan included a greasy burger and fries from the local diner—and head back to her place where her roommate was out of town for the weekend.

It was pouring as they stepped outside and she had hesitated by the door, asking if Cassian was sober enough to drive—she had considered staying the night at the house, but Cassian had assured her that he was fine, that they would be fine.

“You’re gonna love the diner, baby,” he had said as they piled into the car. She had smiled softly at him and the reflection of the rain on her skin made her look almost ethereal.

Cassian stood, tired of waiting for the woman to come near enough—his fingers itched to touch her skin, to know her beyond the scene. She continued dancing, though, as he walked behind her. His breath caught as she spun, turning to him, her face merely inches from his own.

That face—that damned face, was the same of the woman from the meetings. The same sharp chin. The same steel blue eyes. The only difference was the lack of her braided updo; her hair was wild and free, framing her face and disappearing down the length of her bared back.

She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“Please,” he whispered, desperation intertwining with his tone. “Please tell me your name.”

The woman only stared blankly at him for merely a moment longer before hooking her hair behind her ears—arched ears, covered in silver jewelry—and stood on her tip toes. Her lips pressed softly against his cheek before she whispered something faint in his ear. She pulled back, cradling his face in her hands.

“Find me in the next life, Cassian.”

01 NOVEMBER

The ticking of the time clock, paired with the soft waterfall noise of the bonsai tree figurine perched precariously on the edge of the mahogany desk, filled the silence.

Alis had long since finished compiling this session’s notes and she instead took to staring at Cassian, her brow raised and her lips pulled taut. He felt as if he were being observed under a microscope and he almost wanted to ask the woman for a blanket—something thick to wrap himself within.

“Have you been taking your medication?”

The medication was an anti-depressant, his second filing in the last thirty days, and it was the one thing in his life that remained consistent. “Yes,” he responded hoarsely. Morning and evening, the pill was the first thing he took before beginning any standard routine. It appeared to be working, in a way. Cassian felt less numb recently.

Alis nodded. “Good. Now, about the meetings I asked you to go to—Have you gone yet?” The meetings in question were hosted at the local YMCA, and Alis’ older sister volunteered as the chairperson. Alcoholics Anonymous. A group of others who may be able to relate to what he is going to, even if it was not to the same extent.

Though, Cassian has not felt the courage to step into that gymnasium. For the last two weeks, he had stayed silent in the adjoining hallway and only listened.

“I—I’m getting there,” was all he said, his focus falling back to the bonsai tree.

He has not dreamed since.

Redacted,

I think I am ready to talk about what happened. I cannot keep living like this, as a shall of who I was. I cannot change what happened, no matter how badly I want to reverse time and stop myself from taking those keys from Rhys. There is no bringing her back.

I have to live, even if the days get hard. I cannot let those hard days win.

I wonder why that woman is in the group. She never speaks. Is she like me?

Cassian

15 DECEMBER

“I swerved to avoid hitting the other truck and went over the guardrail. My seatbelt locked into place, but she had not been wearing one.”

Cassian licked his lips and finally looked upwards at the other folk, his eyes red-rimmed and his hands uncoiling from fists atop his thighs. “She died on impact.”

The blue-eyed woman stared back at him, quizzically, and he could have sworn something akin to sympathy softened in her gaze. Cassian almost wanted to ask her what she felt, what she thought of him, and where she could relate. Above all else, he wanted to hear her speak.

“She was twenty-two and a Master’s student. She wanted to be a doctor.”

Sandy once again placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Cassian placed his own hand atop her’s, squeezing as he offered her a small smile. “I cannot reverse what happened that night,” he said at last, the memory of that final, harsh scream ricocheting within his mind, “but allowing myself to waste away is benefitting no one. I need to live, if only for myself.”

Cassian stood, finally, despite the shake in his knee, and walked out of the gymnasium.

Redacted,

I wonder if I will ever name you. Thank you for being here for me. I would like to think that I am better now.

Cassian

24 DECEMBER

“Earl Gray, six sugar, splash of cream. Oh, and a vanilla scone.”

Cassian glanced over his shoulder at the woman, her brow raised high in amusement, as he handed the barista his debit card. “Memorizing my order now, huh?”

It had been an off-chance that they would run into each other at a local shop a whole town away from the YMCA, yet here they are—Cassian knew the fates above had worked overtime to make this work, and he would not miss such an opportunity. He flashed her a grin.

“Believe in coincidences, sweetheart?”

The woman rolled her eyes, but he could see the twitch in her lip as she forced herself to remain expressionless. Cassian gestured to a table in the back and was overjoyed as she followed suit.

Cassian held out a hand. “To formally introduce myself, my name is Cassian. I am twenty-four, working to be a physical trainer, and I love my family. I am allergic to pollen and Spring is the worst season ever created. I used to love to run, but I messed up my knee real bad.” The woman watched his outstretched hand for a moment, contemplating, before she took it into her own.

“Nesta. I’m a dancer without a studio and a sister without a family, but I’m—I am trying. To be better, I mean.”

Cassian’s hand shook in her grip, the memory of lips pressed against his ear and the whisper of a name—Nesta, Nesta, Nesta—said so softly, so lovingly, that he was nearly brought to his knees in a coffee shop. “Nesta,” he said, tasting the name upon his tongue. “Nes.”

He could have sworn that something sparked in those blue eyes as he said her name aloud.

Redacted,

I came across this the other day. It has been a few years, old friend. I missed you.

I asked Nes to marry me and she said yes. She wants a Spring wedding, but I sincerely hope that she is being playful.

I see Alis every week, even though the dreams are gone and the pills are finished. The pain in my knee never goes away, and that is the memory that grounds me to that night. Nes rubs a salve into the scars every night and kisses them. We dance together, as best as we can. Every night we turn the living room into our own personal studio and dance to the classics.

I wonder if she knows that we are the same.

Cassian

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - December

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 22.12.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

gif-requests are open, but you'll need to have some patience🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in December with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu 🇯🇵 (7/11)

I hate it here. Hirukawa is in so much pain because he is responsibly of everything bad that happens to other people. And he believes he will affect Minase. I really want to give him a hug and tell him he is not wrong and he is not the reason for bad things happen to people. There is so much bad shit that had happend to him, but he still thinks he is not the victim. He is precious!

2. ThamePo Heart That Skips A Beat 🇹🇭 (2/13)

Yeah no. I am totally not normal about them! I love them. I love their softness. Please, they're so soft with each other and with everything and everyone around them! I can't with them! And who wouldn't fall in love with Po when he looks at you like that. And same goes for Thame. Next week we will get some hurt and some comfort. My poor heart!

3. The Heart Killers 🇹🇭 (5/12)

These two? I love them. The rest of the story? What story? Sorry, I was distracted by Fadel opening up to Style. I am honest, I don't watch this one for the plot. I watch it solely for these two and for Fadel slowly falling in love with Style. And for the way Style grabs Fadel's head here. This made me feel really unwell!And I could rewatch this scene over and over again!

4. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (25/36)

Yes, I kept watching. Well, this will take me a while to finish, I fear.

5. Your Sky 🇹🇭 (6/12)

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The consent! The kiss! These two! This whole episode! This series! I am so not normal about them! I can't think right now. I love it here so much!

Finished in December

Series

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days 🇨🇳

They can be glad to end this one with a happy ending! I would have thrown hands if they end it with them to never see each other again. I liked the series. It has such a wonderful melancholic feeling. It is calm and has topics that go very deep. But. The rending was very rushed. I guess we could have shorten some parts of the second couple (I really don't like them that much) and give some more time for the main couple. That is just my feeling. There were just too many questions open in the end for me. And as said, the ending was too rushed. I give this a good 8 out of 10.

Sweet Home Season 1 🇰🇷

I started this series because of him. I love him in everything he touched so far. And after a rough start this series captured my attention and I couldn't stop watching. After a while my best friend joined me and now we watch the rest of the series together. I usually don't watch horror stuff, but this one is really good. It is not too gory or to spooky and there are no real jump scares. I really enjoyed this first season. Overall a 9,5 out of 10.

Sweet Home Season 2 🇰🇷

The reason I kept watching were those two! Yes, I can see everywhere at least one bromance that should be a romance. Come on! Who looks at the lips of someone else like this if they don't want to suck on them too?! He wants to kiss those lips and this kiss would be reciprocated. Because they are in love with each other! Besides that this season was a mess. The storytelling was boring, there was no tension, too many new characters and no real connection with those characters like in the first season. I give it 6,5 out 10 just because love those two and I read some nice fanfics about them!

Sweet Home Season 3 🇰🇷

At least they could hold hands for a short period of time. I am happy Sergeant Kim survived. I am happy most of the characters I liked survived. The ending was... not what I expected. It was not bad, but the tone was a tiny bit off. The rest of the season I really liked. It was tense and the action was good. I had a blast with my best friend and finally I liked some of the characters again. But where did all the monsters gone. Not all transform into neo-humans. And what is the conclusion? Emotions and needs are bad? I don't know. A bit more explanation would have been nice. Over all a good 8 out of 10.

Movies

Short Films

Dropped in December

Love In The Air: Koi no Yokan 🇯🇵 (4/10)

Who am I kidding. I dropped this a while ago. I really couldn't care less about this series. I didn't like the original and don't really like this adaptation. It is the story I can't stand. So it is a drop for me.

Looking forward to in December

0.5D (Dec 4th)

Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! - Trailer (Dec 4th)

ThamePo - Heart that skips a beat - Trailer (Dec 13th)

Eternal Butler - Trailer (Dec 20th)

Sangmin Dinneaw

Eyes On You - Trailer (Dec 11th Pilot)

[to-thelakes]

built to fall (5)

pairing; luke alvez x fem!reader

series summary; after having a rough month, the feelings that you had been harbouring for your co-worker finally come to the surface

series warnings; fluff, hurt/comfort, smut (later on), mutual pining, discussions of mental health, reader gets drunk, vomiting, suggestive themes, sexual tension, cases that the bau work are also mentioned so the usual warnings for the show apply

warnings for this part; MDNI (minors do not interact) sexual content, fluff, tired reader, tired team, jj being nosy (we love her), smut, fingering, squirting, praise kink, soft!dom luke, self-indulgent smut, needy reader

notes; okay, hello my lovelies, i'm literally just dropping this and then crawling back into my hole because i woke up feeling atrociously tired and worse than i have since i got the flu in december, i will save you from the grim details but safe to say, i'm exhausted, but i gave this a little edit this morning and it's literally just self-indulgent smut and like just a little hint of what is gonna come for these two, we get a very very small smidge of luke worshipping reader hehe. like this is written entirely to my taste so whoops but anyway, i hope you enjoy <3

tags; @smurfenijsje12 @xoxomoonlightbabe

ao3 / masterlist

previous chapter

You were the last one to arriveto the jet after you had to stop off at your apartment to get a to-go bag together. You had rushed around like a headless chicken, regretting not being more prepared for this but it served as a good distraction from the wetness between your legs. 

By the time that you had clambered aboard the jet and dropped into the seat beside Emily, you had completely forgotten about the ache that Luke had left behind. Then when Emily began to talk you through the case, any arousal that still lingered was squashed. It was hard to think about how much you needed Luke when you were staring at pictures of mangled corpses. Really, your job was the biggest buzzkill.

Garcia popped up on the scene as the jet took off and the usual routine ensued. You discussed the case and came up with any preliminary theories before Emily told you where all of you needed to go when you landed. And you weren’t entirely sure if it was a curse or a blessing that she sent you and Luke to assess the latest crime scene.

Part of you was glad to spend the time with Luke but the other part of you didn’t want to have to try and keep your composure around him because you knew that would basically be impossible. 

However, you kept your mouth shut and the team then split off to do their own private theorizing and reading of the case file or just take a short nap before you landed. That meant that everyone was sufficiently distracted enough for JJ to quiz you about your late appearance and what Garcia had told her about you being at Luke’s.

“You got something you wanna tell me?” JJ asked, cocking an eyebrow with a wry grin on her face. You looked up from the casefile, furrowing your eyebrows as you ran through every possible scenario that she could be talking about. At first you assumed it was something about the case but then you caught how her eyes drifted to the mark on your neck.

The mark that you had forgotten Luke had left on you.

“I stayed at his place,” You shrugged, looking back down at your casefile. You wanted to talk to JJ about it but also you didn’t want the entire team knowing your business. You and Luke had just spent the weekend together and you hadn’t even discussed what the two of you were. For now, it was simply the two of you enjoying each other’s company in a less than conventional way.

“You just stayed over?” She asked. You glanced around and noticed how Luke’s gaze had lifted. He had clearly caught on to you and JJ’s whispering and you sent him a smile but that just made him lift an eyebrow.

“Yeah, stayed over, met Roxy, we went on a few walks and he cooked for me,” You forced your gaze away from the man in question to look at the blonde in front of you, “His cooking isn’t as bad as you’d think.” You had to bite back the smile that spread across your face. JJ narrowed her eyes before she nodded her head, “And we obviously kissed,” You said, lowering your voice even more. JJ grinned.

“Just kissed?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“We got… interrupted,” You mumbled as you stared down at the case file. JJ couldn’t help the choked laugh that escaped her lips.

“What? By Garcia?” She asked, baffled. You nodded your head.

“Duty calls,” You mumbled. JJ bit her lip, hiding her amusement as she glanced over at Luke. He had returned back to his work, reading through the file and pretending like he wasn’t listening to the two of you gossip.

“No wonder he seems so frustrated,” JJ commented. Your head snapped up and you stared at her. She was quick to throw her hands up defensively, “I’m just saying what I see.” You scoffed and looked back down at your case file.

“He at least got a release,” You muttered under your breath but JJ caught it. Her gaze flicked to Luke and then back to you before she felt herself internally cringe at the image that popped into her head. But she didn’t bother to say anything else, it was a conversation for another time when the two of you were alone and not looking at mangled corpses.

-

To put it simply, this case was exhausting. The team had been up for most of the night, investigating and setting up with the local PD. You and Luke had checked out the scene and gathered everything you could about the sadistic killer. But then you had returned back to the station where you settled in for the next few hours. It was a long night and your investigation dragged out long past the rise of the sun.

By the time that night fell again, the team was exhausted and had hit a brick wall in the profile. It was clear that nobody was really feeling their best so Emily ordered everyone to head back to the hotel and get some rest so they could take another crack at the case the next day. You were glad of the break. The exhaustion had made you feel brain-dead and you needed to switch your brain off for a few hours.

You, JJ, Luke and Emily took one of the cars back to the hotel and when the two women had taken off to their rooms, Luke walked you to yours. It was the gentleman thing to do - he had said - which just made you laugh. Both of you were exhausted and you couldn’t help giggle at him. You also knew that he wasn’t just being a gentleman.

He had dropped his bag into your room earlier so you didn’t even bother discussing whether Luke would stay with you. He was going to and he let you tug him inside once you had slipped into the room.

“I feel like my brain is melting out of my skull,” You muttered as you closed the door behind the two of you. Luke walked over to his to-go bag, an amused chuckle escaping his lip at your comment. You watched him from the bedroom door, a smile spreading across your face. He looked so cute. He was clearly just as tired as you were but he was keeping a brave face. You assumed that he was probably used to not sleeping amazing. 

But you wanted him to sleep well tonight. So you wandered over to him and leant up to press a kiss to his lips. He smiled down at you before he pecked your lips again. Then he told you to get ready for bed. So, the two of you switched into your pajamas and you curled up on the bed. Luke was still in the bathroom as you buried your face in the pillow.

Now that you were alone with Luke again, that familiar ache had reappeared between your legs. It was really not the time and you just wanted to sleep but seeing him shirtless and looking so domestic as you brushed your teeth together had you reminded of the weekend. The way he held you, kissed you and his moans and whines and the way that he had used you for his own release. It had all been so much in the best way and the memories were making you want him so bad but you were on a case, you couldn’t do it now. As much as you wanted to.

“Everything okay?” Luke’s voice brought you from your spiraling thoughts. You nodded, sending him a slightly fake smile before you shuffled to the side on the bed so that he could get in beside you. You hadn’t even realized that your thighs were squeezing together to get some sort of relief until you had to shuffle. The ache was worse now. 

Once he was comfortably under the covers, you moved towards him, ignoring the wetness in your panties in favor of snuggling up to him. His arm wrapped around your back, tugging you closer and you settled down, letting your eyes fall closed.

“Luke,” You muttered after a moment. He tilted his head down as you looked up, meeting your gaze, “I didn’t cross a line when we got called in, did I?” You asked softly. You would have asked him earlier but between the case and the rush to get to the jet, you hadn’t really got a chance to check in with him.

“No.” He said firmly. You nodded and rested your forehead back against his chest, “Just wish I could have repaid the favour,” He mumbled. You shrugged,

“You’ll just have to make up for it when we’re home,” You retorted. He let out a ‘mhm’ of agreement but his mind seemed distracted. You glanced up at him, feeling a sudden change in how he was holding onto you, “What’s wrong?” You asked quickly. He looked down at you, a devious look in his eyes.

“I want to fuck you in my own bed but I can still repay the favour in a different way,” He said as he moved his hand to cup your jaw. Your eyes fell closed, the thought of him finally giving you the release that you desperately craved just making you wetter, “And it might help you sleep a little better. I can feel how tense you are, carina,” He whispered in your ear. You bit your lip before you forced your eyes back open, looking at him.

“Please,” You whispered softly. He grinned and then he moved to sit up, his back against the headboard. He tugged you between his legs, your back pressed against his front and your legs hooked over his, spread out for him. Your head moved to rest back but the tension in your shoulders was still present. He leant down and slowly began to kiss against your neck, hoping that the soft kisses would relax you a little.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” He asked, his voice low in your ear. His hands were resting against your thighs, open for you to take. You bit your lip before you shifted your hand to grab his, slipping it under your pajama shirt. His hand engulfed your tit and he gently squeezed it, “Just there?” He asked, teasing a little. You shook your head and took his other hand, slipping it under the waistband of your pajama pants and underwear. His finger nudged your clit as you guided him to your slit and you twitched against him, “Fuck,” He breathed out. Your hand slipped away from him as his fingers began to move of their own accord.

He ran his fingers through your wetness, collecting it between his fingers before he dragged the fingertips up to your clit. He circled the bud and you let out a breathy whine. Your head fell back against him, your shoulders relaxing.

“Good girl,” He whispered into your ear as he began to move his fingers into a steady circle over your clit. It was a little slower than what you usually did to get yourself off but the slow build up of pleasure was tantalizing. He then shifted his hand against your tit to gently pinch your nipple. You let out a shaky breath, eyes falling closed as he moved, “Tell me if it’s too much,” He said after a beat. You nodded your head vehemently.

“It’s good, it’s so good,” You whimpered as he continued his movements on your clit. His head moved down to press a kiss to your hair before he shifted. His hand that had been pinching and playing with your nipple, trailed across your stomach and down to the waistband of your pants.

“I wanna take these off,” He said as he fiddled with the waistband. His movements on your clit hadn’t let up and the build-up was making you squirm. Part of you wanted him to go faster though. You knew that if he just went a little faster, you’d get that release you’d been craving, “Carina,” He whispered against your ear and you groaned softly, tilting your head up. You forced your eyes back open but they were half-lidded as he looked at you.

“Go a little faster, please,” You begged. It quickly became clear to him that you hadn’t comprehended his request which only made him smirk.

“Okay, baby, I can do that.” He was quick to comply, moving his fingers a little faster. You bit your lip, throwing your head back against his chest. Your back arched against him and he grinned against your skin. He was going to have fun with this. You were breathing heavily as your hands fisted into the sheets. 

The pleasure was building in your gut and you could feel that familiar pull of release but you didn’t want this to end. A low moan of his name fell from your lips when he suddenly began to flick across your clit rather than circling it. His free hand shifting from the waistband of your pants up to your neck. 

“Is this okay?” He whispered as he gently squeezed on your neck. You were practically panting as you moved one hand from the sheets up into his hair. You did your best to nod your head, panting out ‘yes, yes, yes’. His lips were resting against the shell of your ear and you felt the breathy chuckle that escaped his lips at your whining and moaning.

“Oh God,” You whined as your back arched further, fingers tugging at the root of his hair. Your walls were contracting around nothing, clit throbbing with each flick of his fingertips.

“You’re being so good for me, baby. Cum for me, carina. Let me give you what you need,” He whispered against your ear as his fingers squeezed around your throat. You were panting, eyes falling closed and his mumbles of praise was the last straw. 

Your thighs were shaking as you threw your head back, moaning his name as you came. The slick gushed out of you and his fingers were quick to dip down to catch it. He smirked against your ear, letting his hand slip from your neck to your stomach. You felt completely boneless and relaxed for the first time in months. It barely took anything for him to have you whining and keening for him and he couldn’t deny that he was high on the power.

As you came down, he pressed soft kisses to the skin of your neck and his hand that had been on your clit settled to rest in your underwear  but away from your sensitive clit. You had sounded so pretty moaning his name and he wanted to hear it again. He wanted to truly repay you for what you’d done for him, “Do you want another one?” He asked softly. His lips brushing against the shell of your ear. You bit your lip, eyes still closed but you did. You really did.

“Please,” You whimpered. He chuckled and slipped his hands up to tug at the waist of your pants and underwear.

“Gotta take this off then,” He said. You nodded and lifted your hips up so that he could slip the fabric down your legs. He didn’t bother stripping them completely and instead let them settle just above your calves. It gave him enough room to work and he was quick to slip one hand to your cunt and the other to your clit.

When he pressed his fingers against it, you shivered. It was still sensitive from your first orgasm but the pleasure from the slow circles he ran around it made the overstimulation easy to ignore. His hand on your cunt ran two fingers through your slit. You were so wet for him and it made slipping a single finger into your weeping hole that much easier.

The feeling of his fingers inside you had you keening but you knew that you could take more than that. It seemed Luke quickly understood that too and slipped a second one inside. His thick fingers filled you up just right and he curled his fingers inside you. Your walls contracted around him and he smirked against your hair.

“Oh, carina, you're desperate for it, aren’t you?” He whispered. You nodded your head, biting your lip as you canted your hips forward slightly. His fingers buried deeper inside you and he smirked, “Want me to move my fingers?” He asked. You nodded, begging him with soft whimpers of ‘please’ and ‘yes’ and he slowly began to move them in and out. His other hand was still circling your clit and the combination of pleasure was making you melt into him. Whimpers and moans falling from your lips as one of your hands buried further into his hair. You were gripping at his curls, canting your hips in time with his thrusts.

“Do you need me to be faster, baby?” He asked. You nodded your head, letting out a needy whimper as you turned your head to look at him. His eyes were hooded, blown-wide with lust as he took in just how destroyed you look. Mussy hair, parted lips, half-lidded eyes and the squelching of his fingers as he shoved into you, you looked beautiful.

“I-” You tried to say something but then he changed pace on your clit again. He began to flick it, moving side-to-side and all that came from your lips was a moan of his name. Your head falling back against his shoulder, “I’ll- your fingers-” You wanted to tell him, you wanted to warn him but the quicker he moved, the harder it became to speak. 

Your mind was becoming a hazy mush as he slipped a third finger into you. Your walls tightened around him, thighs shaking as you lifted up slightly. Body pressed against him, “You’re gonna- make me- fuck your fingers will make me squirt,” You finally managed to get out between breathy whines and moans. Luke smirked and it just seemed to make him move faster. His fingers slipped in and out of you quickly. Your walls were squeezing him, hips meeting his every movement as he flicked your clit quicker.

You felt it. The tendril of pleasure that was about to snap and then it did. It was like everything shunted forward and you squirted. His hands were soaked with it and it dripped down to your ass, soaking the bed beneath you as you panted, whined and moaned his name. He was pretty sure he’d never seen such a pretty sight.

“Fuck,” He groaned as he slowly pulled his fingers from you. They were shining with slick and he couldn’t help grinning. He hadn’t expected to make you cum like that but he couldn’t say it wasn’t a beautiful sight.

“Should have- should have warned you,” You mumbled as you fell back against him. Your head was lolling to the side, rested against him as you panted against the skin of his neck. He leant forward and pressed a kiss to his temple, shifting you forward so that you curled up against him. 

Your legs were shaking still, your pussy throbbing as you turned to the side to rest your head against him. His hands were covered in your slick and he was mesmerized by it, “I’m sorry, it’s messy,” You muttered, clearly you were fucked out. Your eyes could barely stay open as you rested your cheek against his chest.

“Don’t apologize,” He suddenly said. His voice was low, stern and serious, “Nothing wrong with messy,” He mumbled before he leant down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. He wanted to hold your face and kiss you properly but he needed to clean up his hands first. You also needed to go to the bathroom.

“Thank you,” You muttered. He pressed another kiss to your forehead before he coaxed you out of your post-orgasm bliss. It wasn’t long before he had taken you into the bathroom and while he washed his hands of your slick, you sat on the toilet. You were so tired but you pissed, wiped yourself up and joined him at the sink. You washed and dried your hands before you trudged up to him. You wrapped your arms around his torso.

He wrapped his arms around you, tugging you against him before he connected your lips into a soft kiss. It was just a few pecks before you pulled back, eyes half-closed. The sleepiness was making its presence known and he knew that you both needed to get some sleep. Also, your post-orgasm bliss had only seemed to make you even sleepier. You seemed more relaxed than you had been all day. He felt bad for leaving you so worked up but it wasn’t going to do that again.

With a gentle tug, he took you back into the bedroom and he checked over the bed. There was only a small patch of wetness which he was quick to avoid as he tugged you under the covers. Part of him felt bad for making such a mess and not having the forethought to lay a couple of towels down before he fucked you with his fingers but he had seen you squirt tonight and so, he wasn’t really sorry at all.

When you both got back into the bed, Luke let you curl up on top of him. Your head rested against his peck, the soft thrum of his heart lulling you into serenity.

“Can’t wait to be back home. Wanna see what else you can do,” You mumbled softly against him. He chuckled, his chest vibrating with it as you smiled against his skin. He moved his hand to rest against your back, running patterns along your skin.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” He responded. You hummed back before finally letting yourself succumb to sleep. Within seconds, you were conked out and he just watched you for a little bit. Your chest rose and fell steadily as you snuggled against him in your sleep. It was soothing to have someone after so long. He wanted you to fall asleep against his chest for the rest of his life and he loved you even if he wasn’t ready to tell you that yet.

<3

next chapter

[ninja-muse]

So yeah, that happened… (Not as bad as it looks, though. The top half is books I own and read this month, not books I've acquired.)

November has been a month of highs and lows for me. Mostly lows, if I'm being honest. The US election kicked my brain back to 2020 for a couple days and I don't think I've really reset yet. (It's taken me three years and counting to reset from 2020 itself so I'm not surprised.) For any American reading this, I'm still very saddened for you and I wish there was something I could do beyond listening and sympathizing. I wish the world was a better place to live in.

And speaking of 2020 mode, I haven't been writing. I was at a crossroads at the end of October with a difficult scene, and even though I've fixed it so it's better, I still haven't continued. It's hard for me to write cheery, upbeat things when I'm scared and angry, and work's getting busier for the holidays, and both Bake Offs I follow were airing and that just seemed more important. At least this time, it's definitely writer's block rather than a terror of traumatizing people by writing diversely. (2020 was fun, y'all.)

And I also didn't write for five days because my mom and sister and I went to Disneyland. This was, of course, the high of the month! It was good to spend that time together, and do the rides and the whole experience, and see Disneyland as an adult. I'm especially glad we went when we did because I don't think I'm ever going to visit the States again.

It was also a fairly lukewarm reading month for me, which I don't think it helping the mental stuff. The best book I read was intense and heavy, a few of the others also dealt with dark stuff, and pretty much everything was "fine". No new favourites, though I've added the rest of Claudia Gray's Austenian mysteries to my TBR and I'm still thoroughly enjoying the Lady Trent novels. A couple of the other books (the Clarke, the Stearns) were ones I was hyped for but which didn't live up to expectations.

That said, for all that it's my lowest ranked book, The Price of the Stars was surprisingly fun. It's completely mindless, cliched space opera that reads like an off-brand Star Wars novel and I'm sure I'll have just as much fun with the sequel (also on my physical TBR). But I also recognize that the writing's on par with mediocre fanfiction or cult 1980s B-movies.

Books and otherwise, here's hoping for a better December.

And now, as always, here’s my list of everything I read this month, in the rough order of how glad I was to have read them.

Submerged - Hillel Levin

A journalist dives into a 1990s murder case—the disappearance, the first suspect, the second investigation, the innocent man in jail, the family secrets…

8.5/10

warning: grooming, molestation, rape, victim blaming, failures of the justice system

reading copy

The Murder of Mr. Wickham - Claudia Gray

The Darcys, the Tilneys, and sundry other friends and relations are attending the Knightleys’ house party when Mr. Wickham (uninvited) is killed. The murderer’s still in the house but everyone had motive.

7/10

major autistic character

warning: homophobia

off my TBR

The Empress Letters - Linda Rogers

A mother in the 1920s writes her life story in a series of letters to the daughter she’s searching for in China.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (bisexual), Jewish protagonist, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic, gay), Jewish secondary characters, Chinese secondary characters, 🇨🇦,

warning: death of parent, sexual exposure, adult-teen relationship, anti-Chinese racism, fetal remains, homophobia

off my TBR

The Voyage of the Basilisk - Marie Brennan

To create a taxonomy of dragons, Isabella Camherst takes a voyage around the world—but as always, she runs afoul of politics, social mores, and other perils.

7/10

Middle Eastern-coded secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (third gender), Polynesian secondary characters

library book

The Secret History of Audrey James - Heather Marshall

In 1938 Berlin, piano student Audrey steps into danger when her Jewish hosts are arrested and she must turn housekeeper to Nazis to protect her best friend. In 2010, Kate takes a job at a hotel to restart her life after tragedy—and must convince Audrey, the owner, to let her stay.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (sapphic), major Jewish secondary characters, secondary character with partial leg paralysis and a cane, 🇨🇦

warning: antisemitism, murder, police brutality, misogyny and sexism

library book

The Wood at Midwinter - Susanna Clarke

A young woman enters a midwinter wood alone and encounters a fox, a crow, and a bargain.

6.5/10

library ebook

Under a New and Brilliant Sky - R.E. Stearns

Elys, on the run from Republic authorities, is brought to Alyansa to fix a failure in their city’s AI. But the Republic knows where to find her, and she can’t quite trust that the Alyansans will keep her safe.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (sapphic), protagonist with auditory processing disorder, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (trans woman), brown-skinned secondary characters

warning: xenophobia, colonialism

digital reading copy/won

Paris Daillencourt Is About to Crumble - Alexis Hall

Paris isn’t really sure why he’s on Bake Expectations and he definitely isn’t sure how he feels about the contestant he keeps flirting with, if you can call it flirting, oh god, how do you relationship when anxiety?

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (gay), protagonist with anxiety disorder, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay, sapphic), major Bangladeshi Muslim character, fat secondary character, Bangladeshi Muslim secondary characters, Chinese-British secondary character

warning: realistically depicts anxiety disorder and panic attacks

library ebook

Rivers of London Vol. 12: Stray Cat Blues - Ben Aaronovitch and Andrew Cartmel with José María Beroy (Illustrator)

Abigail and the foxes are “hired” by a cat-woman to break her fellow hybrids out of a brothel. Easy, right? Out in December.

7/10

wajor Black British characters, disabled secondary character

warning: sex trafficking

purchased/off my TBR

The Price of the Stars - Debra Doyle and James D. MacDonald

When Beka’s politician mother is assassinated, her father gives her his warship in exchange for her tracking the assassins down. Cue a pan-galactic adventure!

6/10

warning: sexual assault, gun violence

off my TBR

Currently reading

The Stardust Grail - Yume Kitasei

Maya’s put her thieving past aside to pursue academia, but when a chance to find the legendary stardust grail (and save her friend’s species) falls into her lap, she can’t help but be tempted—even if Earth wants to use it to save itself.

protagonist with Japanese heritage, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (achillean, nonbinary, alternate gender system)

library book

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin

A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Victorian detective stories

disabled POV character (limb injury), occasional Indian secondary characters

warning: racism, colonialism

Monthly total: 10 Yearly total: 116 Queer books: 4 Authors of colour: 0 Books by women: 6.5 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 2 Classics: 0 Off the TBR shelves: 4 Books hauled: 5 ARCs acquired: 2 ARCs unhauled: 2 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August September October

[fyeahdprian]

DPR IAN on how the "inhumane" K-pop industry intensified his dissociative identity disorder

SBS The Feed December 10, 2024

DPR Ian - or Christian Yu - is one of the few Australians selected to become a K-pop idols. He launched from a life of music and metal in Australia's Wollongong to idol stardom when he moved to Korea on a whim and was scouted to join the hugely successful K-pop group C-Clown. He's now independent and creating a new blueprint for the industry with DPR - the Dream Perfect Regime collective and his videos (which he edits himself because the guy can do everything) amas millions of views. But it's been a whole ride to get here.

-----

Ian: That's actually me switching. That's not me acting because you feel it. You know when you're going to switch because you feel it. I can't do it on command.

DPR Ian is one of the few Australians selected to become K-Pop idols. He launched his life of music and metal in Australia's Wollongong to idol stardom when he moved to Korea and was scouted to join the hugely successful K-pop group, C-Clown. He's now independent and creating a new blueprint for the industry with DPR, the Dream Perfect Regime collective. And his videos, which he edits himself because the guy can do everything, amass millions of views, but it's been a whole ride to get here. Welcome home. Ian: Thank you.

I'm really interested in your determination to move to Korea and that period of your life. What was your life in that? Were you planning? How did you prep for that?

Ian: At that time, I was like, I better really just take a plane and head over to Korea. No plans. And I just told my mom, "I'm going", and she's like, "just get into uni first". So I got into uni. But, then my mom was like, you've got to save money yourself. I did a gig handing out pamphlets at the time.

Oh, the promotional. Gig?

Ian: Yes.

Yeah, I've done that.

Ian: You've done those?

Hundreds

Ian: You did that too. Oh. My. Lord. I mean the money's great. I can't believe you did that too. Yeah, it's weird. I remember one term, it was like a chocolate and I had to dress up as a chocolate.

Was it like a bar? Chocolate bar?

Ian: Yeah, I was avoiding any eye contact with people that I knew.

Ian: Luckily I got the money saved up and went to Korea. And it was a rough journey because I didn't know nothing about Korea. And I remember the first few months I got scammed. I lost all my money and I had to stay at these saunas. You don't sleep there, you don't stay there. But I had to stay there. I didn't want to tell my mum that I failed in the first three months of going there. I told her, I was like, "I'm going to get a job". And she's like, "if nothing happens in the two months, you have to come back". I was scouted in the street and went into the trainee days, idol days.

So you managed to stay a couple more months. And those months where the opportune months that kind of changed your life?

Ian: Apparently so.

[MUSIC] "Yeah. This is how the world plays. Yeah, this is how the world plays.

Ian: Immediately they put me into the training rooms. I met all the other trainees and all that. This was bit weird.

[MUSIC] Hey, what's up everyone? We are C-Clown.

And what was the training schedule.

Ian: For us back in the days? Very strict. Wake up like five, head to the studio. Practice, practice, practice. If you're late a minute, you have to kneel on the floor and you have to sit in the corner like time out, and you'd go back home, 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM 3:00 AM and then you just repeat that throughout the whole week. It's a lot better now. That's what I hear. But back in 2010s 2012s, it was at its peak era of do you have slave contracts? It was just so shady, but getting the backhand of that just did something to me. It's a pretty intense process. Oh man. I thought it was inhumane, but that's literally the life that trainees live.

Yeah, well a lot of people really want that.

Ian: Oh my god. They don't know. See, I didn't know that either. You don't know what that gruesome and grueling side of that life is because no one really tells you. You just think, okay, "the minute I'm an idol, it means it's an immediate success", which is not the case. But you have all these other hidden layers of groups that don't even make the cut line and there's about a hundred of them.

You've chatted a bit about your bipolar and your dissociative identity disorder. For people who don't understand that experience, how would you explain it to them?

Ian: Well, I don't even know where to start. For example, DID, it's like disassociating yourself. So it's kind of waking up in a new body, new mind, new likes, new dislikes. It's kind of living with I think another you that is completely separate from who you identify as a person. For me anyway, personally, I never really get a choice of when that takes a turn and you just keep going back and forth from that person. If you decide not to show people your most vulnerable side, you would have a choice to not show it.

Right. I see what you're saying.

Ian: But I never really got a chance to not show it. I'll switch out. I would all of a sudden be, I'll be doing something as somebody else. And it would feel like when I come back, I wouldn't really understand what I did or who I was or none of that. So it would be unbelievable.

Ian: I knew what I was doing when I started naming it. His name is Mito. You should never just name your personas or your altars. That gives it so much more power. But the thing is, for people that are going through it, you can't tell them not to do that. So the first time I showed Mito to the world was a music video called So beautiful. That's actually me switching. That's not me acting because you feel it. The reason is, you when you're going to switch because you feel it. It's not, I can't do it on command. Now what happens with the DID is, if you can't associate yourself with an emotion and it's something that you want to go further away from, you'd create an area in your mind that you'd run to. It's okay in the beginning, but the more and more you're faced with trauma, the minute you feel it, you're out. So it's no longer like I'm going to go back. It's like your body's immediate response to just open the door and kick you out. So I didn't know that. So I didn't know that during my idol days. I just thought this is the only way I can cope with it. The only way. So I just kept doing that.

Well, you have DPR now.

Ian: Yes, I do. Apparently. Shame.

Good to know. What do you want to take from that experience?

Ian: I think. Being an idol taught me what I shouldn't do. There wasn't really an independent show for artists. Because we had to follow a systematic, or a system, in order for us to make it or get there. But I wanted to break that. I just wanted to show people that you could be very genuine with what you do artistically and still have an audience.

Ian: My name is DPR Ian and I'm back home. Thank you. Guys.

[marengogo]

Silver Lining - What If #7 : Solstice & Equinox

Listening to This is V - As Friday is Tae Day

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Hello my Dearest Gurls, Bois and Enbies.

It’s been a while since I made an actual post right? Oh and, for the time being, forget about that chapter 2 post, every time I resume writing it, I think about the present state of this fandom and I get so VEXED that I close the file soon after … so yeah, there’s that So, here I am, wanting to share something I thought of yesterday, something completely delulu but quite fun at the same time. 

AS ALWAYS, before we get off on DeluluLand, here is a message from our conductor *clears voice*: “Good morning, good afternoon or good evening, I trust I’m finding everyone well and ready to embark into this new trip. As today’s destination is particularly delulu and rather wishful-thinking-esque, I highly suggest bringing the toughest, biggest and shiniest tin hat in your possession, as well as your best clown clothes, with you when you disembark. Now, alas, the temperature is undesirable cold, the skies are pretty foggy and the waters are pretty rough, nonetheless, I do hope you still enjoy the journey, godspeed, this was your captain”. 

And now that we are all readily equipped let me welcome you without further ado to:

Jikook Travel Vlog Theory by Marengo! 

This isn’t a discussion about what I think the vlog will contain, but more of when I think it/they might be released, or rather, if I were jikook, which I’m obviously not, hence this being a delulu post, I would do it in the way I am about to explain. BUT FIRST, let’s see what knowledge we currently have available:

CONNECTICUT, JEJU, BUSAN, SAPPORO

Now, we know for a fact that they went to Connecticut and Sapporo to film this vlog, as eventually mentioned by JK on Suchwita. In Connecticut no thanks to an asshole we saw them with GoPros and also on their way to, and from, Sapporo, as always “courtesy” of airport warriors. So we have no doubt about those.

Jeju was a rumor that some k-jikookers had began some time last year, which was shutdown as quickly as it came out, but which, none other than our dear Tae confirmed a few months later when he made his Chuseok post on IG. BUT the question is; is the Jeju trip part of the Jikook Travel Vlog?

Last but not least is Busan. Admittedly, Busan is a super filler, guessed and projected destination as we don’t have any sightings of the both of them together last year. In fact, we only have confirmed sighting of JK with his 97 friends, thanks to a local restaurant. YET, yours truly Marengo feels that there might be something worth looking in there🕵🏾‍♀️. Considering that they are both from Busan, city that they don’t seem to despise, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to think that they would want to add it to their travel vlog … but would nobody notice them walking around the big city of Busan? I highly doubt it. Yet more shocking things have been known to happen, so who knows right?

But Marengo - you might be wondering - what’s with the title of your post then?! … WELL

You might remember the terms Solstice & Equinox from a very distant Science/Geography lesson in your memory, their definitions are not very complex, but do not worry, it is not in my interest to shove my geeky ass upon you today. What you need to know is that we basically use this particular “occurances” to practically determine the beginning of each season. We have 2 Solstice (Winter and Summer) and 2 Equinox (Spring & Autumn), which usually occur, give or take one day around the same time of the year as follows:

WINTER SOLSTICE - DECEMBER 20/21

SPRING EQUINOX - MARCH 21

SUMMER SOLSTICE - JUNE 20/21

AUTUMN EQUINOX - SEPTEMBER 23

… So, if we follow my VERY DELUSIONAL REASONING we would have 4 DATES (or time periods) and potentially 4 DESTINATIONS.

This year's Spring Equinox has been “taken over” by VHOPE so I don’t think that we would get anything, and even though Jin will be back with us on this year’s Summer Solstice, I doubt he would be promoting right off the bat (like ... I would think he would need time to adjust a bit … BUT WITH BANGTAN WHO KNOWS RIGHT???) … Which is why, in my head, the first VLOG would come out around this year’s Summer Solstice and proceed gradually as follows:

SUMMER SOLSTICE - JUNE 20/21 2024: CONNECTICUT VLOG

This was clearly a summer themed vlog, they were on a yacht, we saw their naked backs, thanks to Jimin, basically it screamed SUMMER

AUTUMN EQUINOX - SEPTEMBER 23 2024: JEJU VLOG ??

This was part of Tae’s Chuseok post, which as we know is a fall korean celebration so yeah, basically it screamed AUTUMN

WINTER SOLSTICE - DECEMBER 20/21 2024: SAPPORO VLOG

For those who don’t know Sapporo is known for it’s snow before the beer 🤡. It holds an annual winter festival which unfortunately the boys were too early for but …, so basically is screamed WINTER

SPRING EQUINOX - MARCH 21 2025: BUSAN VLOG ????

I got nothing for you y’all 😬😬😬, I’ve never been to Busan and once again other than being their birthplace, I couldn’t tell you if there’s anything related to Spring in Busan, but who knows, it might be a … beautiful place to visit in SPRING???

As you can see, the Solstices are rather certain, but the Equinox are hella shaky. YET if you think about it, what would be happening SUMMER SOLSTICE 2025? 

ALL THE TANNIES WOULD BE BACK HOME.

… And there you have it.

Now obviously this is all baseless theories, as we have been left to go off on nothing 🤡 and for all we knows they could drop it ALL TOMORROW 🤡 or even make it a weekly thing in May 2025 before they get back to us 🤡.WHO KNOWS RIGHT? THE POSSIBILITIES STILL REMAIN ENDLESS I’m afraid,

If you ask me however, If they did anything other than what I just rambled on, they’d miss out on making this a very instructive and seasonal thing 🙄😒 … BUT, again, THAT’S JUST ME.

Anyways, time to leave DeluluLand y’all, before the wrong people, or worse it’s inhabitants, find us!

Always respectfully yours 💜🫰🏾

Marengo.

[michellemisfit]

Weekly Tag Wednesday Thursday

Thanks for the game @jrooc and thanks for the tag @blue-disco-lights @deedala @energievie @lingy910y @creepkinginc @crestfallercanyon

Name: Mys

What is the most listened to artist in your music app of choice this month?

The Libertines - They’ve just released a new album

What song do you know all the lyrics to?

Erm… most? Well, at least most songs I regularly listen to. Back in the day when we’d still buy CDs I would get a new album and sit in my bedroom listening to it beginning to end, while reading along to the lyrics in the booklet. And oooooh, I would get so furious when bands had a booklet that did not include song lyrics. Wtf is wrong with you?? SO ANGRY! haha

What song do you pretend to know all the lyrics to and sing along to even though you don't?

It’s the End of the World As We Know It by R.E.M. I get to ‘eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn’ and then I’m lost until we hit the chorus lol But it’s such a fun song to pretend to sing along to, and really just making vaguely appropriate noises at the right time, until the chorus kicks in again… and of course we’re all ready to shout LEONARD BERNSTEIN! Hahaha

If you were to be crowned Queen/King/Royalty of listening to a band or artist, who would that be?

That would have to be Dirty Pretty Things. I fell in love with The Libertines just as they were falling apart and a few weeks away from calling it quits for good, so when Carl Barât announced the first tour of his new band Dirty Pretty Things I wasn’t gonna miss out again. So I flew to Ireland and then to England and attended the first 5 gigs of their first tour. And that pretty much set the tone for the next couple of years of my life. I ended up flying to the UK so much and meeting so many people that in the end it only made sense to move to London. Dirty Pretty Things had a tour booked starting two days after my moving day and we were gonna go to a few of the gigs. Then the day before I got on a plane they announced it would be their farewell tour, so we bought tickets for every single gig, which meant that I moved to the UK and then spent all of October, November, and half of December on tour… I didn’t start job hunting and thinking about real life until January lol

So yeah. Them. They’re my boys. As coined by the NME in their ‘sad to see them go’ article… “They were well fit and nice!”

What band/artist surprises you the most on your frequently listened to artists?

I’m ongoingly surprised by how much I managed to trick myself into liking Taylor Swift

Favourite line from a song (or one you have been thinking about lately?

Fame and Fortune by The Libertines

The deal was done, the trade was rough, Doubloons down for a double bluff, Dip your quill in your bleeding heart, Sign there and there and there

Guilty pleasure band or song?

I don’t believe in guilty pleasures.

Liking what I like don’t make me a bitch.

Okay let's talk fandom music:

Fave band or song you've discovered from a Fan Fic?

The Libertines lol My friend really wanted me to get into this band she liked, and I just wasn’t massively into music at the time, so she sent me a Libertines fanfic, and that, as they say, was that. Oh, she knew me very well… hahah

Fave Fanfic Playlist?

Right now I’m REALLY into The Menagerie playlist!

Fave Gallavich song?

Do you listen to music recommended by the writer or an included playlist? 

Almost always, yeah. Though sometimes that can go terribly wrong. When someone’s like OMG THIS SONG!!! and you’re just like ‘eh, I don’t see it’ lol

What song do you think is Gallavich coded?

Well, thanks to @deedala this will never not be Season 5 Gallavich

What’s a bop you want to share with your mutuals today? 

Love the original, but I also love Darren Criss

And this, because I’m dying for the next season of The Bear!!!!

Oooookay… I’m late and I’ve been way too busy, so if you’ve already played and I didn’t see please tag me in yours so I can check it out!! If not, and you’d like to do it, I’m tagging @heymacy @heymrspatel @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @palepinkgoat @vintagelacerosette @crossmydna @captainjowl @mikhailoisbaby @rereadanon @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @loftec @sickness-health-all-that-shit @deathclassic @rutherinahobbit @faejilly (you can skip the Gallavich questions!!! Hahahahah)

[daydreams-after-dark]

hii hope its not too late to submit this so uhm as a minchan biased... GOSH the things i'd let them two do to me at once. I'm such a sucker for soft dom! Chan and hard dom! Minho also i'm more on the bratty side so imagine riling these two up, trying to see how far i can push their buttons and oh when they finally lose it... having both of them inside me at once as a punishment and the way they were fucking me are like completely opposite like we have chan with his gentle thrusts and minho totally railing the shit out of me while spewing degrading words and chan would just chuckled and told minho to be a bit gentler when he saw tears welling in my eyes (but he actually loves to see me like that and minho would definitely do the opposite of chan's words, going rougher and harder). and and minho calling me names like "slut" and "whore" while chan with his oh so sweet voice calling me "angel"... will they let me cum in the end ? sometimes, but most of the time its minho who get to decide so... yeah you guessed it.

Oh my this was kinda long but in all i just want them to ruin me, i am literally on my knees i need them so bad i might've came a little while writing this </3

part of #sorshas birthday month submissions

I think a came a little reading this. 🤭💦

Everything about this was so very hot. And for your punishment to be them both inside you!!! It sounds heavenly!!!

I need them to rough me up a bit and then kiss me better.

Thank you gorgeous for this birthday treat 🥰😘😘😘

read more submissions here: #sorshas birthday month

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH - DECEMBER

Hey my beautiful friends! I have an announcement / request.It's my birthday month, and I am opening up the ask box (even though it was never closed), for something a little bit different.

Instead of you sending in fic / scenario requests (which you still can regardless of this), I am requesting YOU to send ME your naughtiest thoughts or fantasies about your bias.

Like, what are your most filthy thoughts? What would you let them do to you? What do you want to do to them? Is there a particular theme that really gets you wet or hard? (like me and alien Han)? Or, what's a kink you didn't know you had until you started reading smut (like me and Han with 2 dicks - it doesn't have to be realistic)?

You don't even have to be involved! It could be you really love imagining two of the guys (or more) together. I know you have filthy minds and are horny little things.

Hit me with what you've got. Also... of course you can submit anonymously... that way you hopefully won't hold back.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[asa-do-your-thing]

Asa's December Rec-list

I've often reblogged fics where I feel like I should have written paragraph reviews but couldn't. That's why I thought I'd gather some of last month's faves <3

Aegon II

Docile - @bucknastysbabe

After seeing the Teaser you've just gone and written down what I felt for s2 aeg :D I've read this like thrice already, it's so good!

Aemond

Tooth-Rotting Bliss - @the-common-cowgirl

I'm usually not a Modern Au girlie but this has just melted me into a puddle.

Sweet Dreams (Are made of this) - @valeskafics

Demmon Daddy? Fuck yeah.

Cregan Stark

Princess - @axelsagewrites

I love the idea of rough Cregan, you've nailed him perfectly :3

Jon Snow

The Lady of Crab Isle - @valeskafics

BOY, i AM UNWELL IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE.

Theon Greyjoy

Your Eyes - @valeskafics

There's not enough Theon fics around and yours is just *mwah* chef's kiss. "I don't beg." "You will."

Ramsay Bolton (not proud of it but hey Iwan Rheon is hot)

"Just Getting Started" - @valeskafics

Bel, I have been binging your stories and I am IN LOVE with your GOT works, especially this. I was just curious when I stubled upon this but in the End you made me feel things for Ramsay that I never thought I could feel.

Michael Gavey

When it Rains it Pours - @aemonddtargaryen

This was strangely sweet and hot at the same time, it felt very real, me likey :D

[theartfulv]

The Making Of My Lockwood & Co. Animatic!

Some people wanted to know about the process on Discord (and I’ve said most of this on there though I think this will be a little more coherent) but I thought maybe the lovely folks on here might be interested too!

This will probably be quite long so bare with (it was over a month of my life 😂)

maybe I’ll be cool and split this into sections

The Beginning/ Scripting Phase

Originally I’d planned for it to focus solely on George and the bone glass, so all of The Whispering Skull, and scripted as such.

(If you want to see the first rendition let me know I’ve still got it all saved 👀)

Generally when I approach lyric based projects I copy down the lyrics, separate them into sections and then write a description of what I want to happen on each line with camera angles and any general cinematography or editing notes.

(I will say though I’ve switched to writing on top of my music file so I can describe everything to the beat and see the timing of each sequence)

So after planning it all out, collecting screenshot references, making numerous Pinterest boards and the thumbnail… I scrapped it.

Peak planning on my end. 🫠 So I scripted the second rendition which was a total of…

Yeah…. That’s it. That is all I scripted and just made sequences up as I went along! Though I did take heavy reference from my original script for the bone glass sequence.

As you can see it was to a completely different section of the song and some of it differs from the final, i.e I didn’t end up using a canted angle in this sequence or any shallow focus.

The Boarding Process

Again I made up sequences as I went! So I started with the beginning for once?! Drawing in Sketchbook Pro and editing the frames together using HitFilm.

(FLASH WARNING)

I planned it so I’d spend half of my time on rough boarding and the other half on finalising it, so 8 seconds per day, which is a lot of work and can range from anywhere between 2hrs and 8hrs… commitment 💪

I did the majority of it during my Christmas break but other than that I just worked on it whenever I wasn’t at college.

So this is what all of my original boards looked like!

Anyway! Onto the first dilemma… The Bone Glass.

After boarding about 20 seconds of the start and one Combe Carey frame (the outside of the hall) I decided to work on the Bone Glass section, originally I’d planned for all the 7 spirits the fly into the frame and merge together to create the bone glass that didn’t happen… but I was inspired by kaleidoscopes and thought that’d be cool too. So I attempted to create that sequence and it was so stressful 😂

Somehow I miraculously figured out how to spin all the different layers in different directions and then inverted each one every second alternating! Then I had to export the file and put it into my actual Animatic which HitFilm did not like at all…

Eventually I managed to export it and that allowed me to zoom out/cut outwards whilst the sections were moving and inverting and then I created the second section with the spiral which HitFilm also did not appreciate so I had to make the file much smaller but I think it worked out anyway!

Then I continued to work out of order…

I did parts of Combe Carey (which is actually quite different from the final version) and then got to work on my favourite sequence!

(Or rest of the sequence) George’s section/ The Bone Glass, and just had this image mixing the original papers taped up in his room with a suspect board, I had visions of Roxanne in Megamind working out Megamind’s next plan/ superhero Titan and the intro of A Series of Unfortunate Events.

I think I’m always very heavily influenced by other media and material and thought it’d be a fun nod to some of my previous hyperfixations.

And I think this is when my plan of ‘do the rough half first then the final half later’ failed… because I finalised all of these frames before even finishing the rest of the roughs 😭

At this point it was about the 27th December and I had about a minute of footage.

After that I realised that I actually had total creative freedom and that’s when I did the first half of the Combe Carey sequence with Annabel’s shadow and the Red Room door!

This then led me to take much more liberty with the rest of the animatic including Annabel hovering over Lucy, The Spiral Section of The Screaming Staircase and The Monks!

Throughout this project I studied so many different pieces of concept art and different storyboards, beats and random animatics to gain insight and inspiration which led me to create a new Pinterest board!!! 🥳

Then…

Disaster struck (except it didn’t but it felt like it)

My PC decided to stop working… then… My GPU broke!?!

Yeah… so no drawing for me!

Oh and all of my files turned blue!!!

Somehow I managed to transfer all of my files onto another family member’s PC who thankfully let me draw on it for the foreseeable/ until it was done (absolute legend) but I’d still lost 3 days working time… which at this point was the equivalent of 24 seconds… and it was not looking good for me and the deadline.

In my head I just had to finish it for the anniversary of the show.

But life went on and so did my college work aka. I had exam week… yeah did I revise for it… (the answer is very little but I actually was only 2 marks of an A so I think that I was pretty iconic) and I also planned all of my coursework (due on the 29th… yikes). But I did it!!!

Then I had a power cut…

But it was okay!!! And I finished it (had to do 14 seconds worth of work on the day of but I finished it!!)! There were a lot of sequences that I’d had to cut or shorten which I’m not too happy about but I finished it!!!

And I guess that’s it really!

As a final thing I thought I’d share a few of my favourite frames :)

That’s All!! If you’d have any questions or thoughts let me know!!!

I LOVE YOU LOCKNATION 😭😭😭

[carsonian]

November '23 SteveTony Fics Recap

This month was really rough. Not all the way through! There was just an undertone of rough over the whole affair with a few days verging into holy-fuck-this-is-rough territory. But! We still ball.

While I technically managed to write five fics this month, they're all 3k> each so I don't know if I'm too happy with the turnout. Total word count comes to only 10,521 words. Yeah :( Really not too happy about that buuuut it's alright! It's over now.

Now bring it back ➡️

"Got So Much Honey, the Bees Envy Me" | 1,891 words | G | 4 Nov

Tony takes a hit in a battle, and comes out of his surgery a little confused. Thankfully, his husband, Steve, is there to talk him through it.

First time I've gone back to it and I saw it's got 165 kudos! Wow! For a fic I really didn't give much thought and was intended to just, as I put in my author's note, "shake my hands loose", that's crazy! How lucky am I, ay?

"Just About Starving Tonight" | 3,080 words | M | 14 Nov

Tony is just trying to get through an evening of courting and dancing when Steve, the new Alpha in town, approaches him for a dance. Tony tries to turn him down, thinking the Alpha’s mistaken him for an Omega, but is taken aback when Steve assures him that Tony’s exactly who we wants to dance with. (A.K.A. a non-traditional A/B/O meet-cute.)

First foray into A/B/O since the series I did way back when, and I enjoyed it! Maybe I should write more.

"The More Things Seem to Change" | 2,123 words | T | 16 Nov

The prince comes to their base in the twilight hours of the night, asking to talk to Steve. Bucky already knows where this is going to lead. (A.K.A. Medieval-cyberpunk fusion AU where Tony is a prince, Steve is a gang leader, and they used to date.) Stony Bingo 2023 Round 2: "Historical"

"The More They Stay the Same" | 1,088 words | G | 21 Nov

Bucky was meant to take Tony back to the station twenty-five minutes back. (A.K.A. Medieval-cyberpunk fusion AU where Tony is a prince, Steve is a gang leader, and they're dating.)

These two drabbles came as a brainworm that just wouldn't leave me alone. Had I the time and energy this month, I could've churned out a 20k> fic but as it is, I think I've scratched the itch with these two ficlets.

"Hyperballad" | 2,339 words | T | 29 Nov

Steve's going through something. Tony tries to talk to him about it. (A.K.A. Established relationship, Depressed!Steve Rogers, Recovering Alcoholic!Tony Stark, and a decent amount of emotional hurt/comfort)

Very special one to me because it's got the shortest title of any fic I've written so far :D

Do check out the fics if you haven't yet had a chance to! I'm sorry that it's maybe not up to my usual 'standard' as far as complexity and duration of plot, characterisation or even just length. It's just not been a very good month for writing, unfortunately. I hope to have one or two decent fics out in December at the least! We'll see. Thank you for being here in the meantime!