#yeah convoluted i know i just wanted to give them names ok

[lyss-butterscotch]

Do you have lost kin gijinkas?

I do and they get to live <- delusional everyone gets to live AU maker

[helplesslyblue77]

It Felt So Wrong(It Felt So Right)

Genre: Smut, minors dni

Pairing: Step Dad!Bang Chan x Reader, Step Bro!Felix x Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Step-Sibling Incest, Step Dad!Chan, Step Brother!Felix, Smut, slight degration, Daddy Kink, use of slut, Moral Dilemmas but less than youd think because the author is lazy as fuck

Notes: its very much focused on the reader and there is no m/m action cause chan and felix r related and thats to much even for me,

ok so...you know how its like 3 am and you just had a whole cryfest about how knowone will ever love you and you are obsessing over men who dont even know you exist? and then you feel dumb and take a shower and chug an energy drink while you eat Pizza and smash out like four chapters of your WIP and one very dirty convoluted oneshot????

Yeah.

Anyway i literally cannot watch any clips from Bang Chan's lives the man makes me so Delulu its not ok.

The Title is from 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry, i love that song man.

You had just turned fourteen when your mother had come home, sat you down at the table, and announced she was getting married. You had not been surprised. You wished her well and snuck upstairs while she talked loudly on the phone with her friends, hardly sparing you a glance.

Your mother seemed to bring home a new man every few years, and at this point, you barely even cared.

And she barely spared a thought for you as well. You were well-fed and had your credit card, but you lacked the love only a parent could give you. Your mother was much too caught up in her pretty jewels and visits to the country club to pay you much thought. 

She was selfish, your mother, and used her pretty face and ample figure to get whatever she wanted in life, whether it be money, clothes, or men, she could have it all. The other men your mother seemed to favor never really spared you a glance, too caught up in your mother's boob job to pay attention to her only daughter, so you really had no expectations when it came to this new man.

But when you were finally introduced, you noticed how he was different.

He looked at you, smiled at you, and acknowledged your presence unlike so many of the others had. He even brought you a gift, a pretty silver necklace with a small charm.

He was handsome, and of course much younger than your own mother. Christopher, he said his name was, and he smiled at you warmly, introducing his son to you. Felix was sweet, pretty with a smile like the sun and the two of you hit it off immediately, rushing indoors to play video games while your parents snuck off.

You pretended not to know what they were doing. 

You adjusted well to the two of them, Felix transferred into your school and you showed him around, introducing him to your friends. He meshed well into your small group and in no time at all, you were happy as can be. You hoped they would stick around, your mother tended to trade off men very quickly., tossing out the old and bringing in the new every few years.

It was the first time you could remember hoping she didn't get a new boy toy, hoping that Chris and Felix would stick around. But then, in your Junior year of high school, it happened.

You remembered the frantic call from the hospital. Felix’s hand gripped your own tightly as you watched your mother's monitor flatline. You felt guilty, like maybe you should have felt more devastated, but truthfully, you weren't that sad.

You shed tears later, however, wetting the sunny yellow of Felix’s favorite t-shirt. It wasn't the fact that your mother was gone, no, it was your stepfather's devastated face that made you sob like a baby in Felix’s arms. 

You hadn't loved your flighty, unreliable mother, but your stepfather had. Even though you all knew she had been cheating on him the last few months.

Your mother is dead now, and it was all in the past. 

It all began on that very night, the night your mother died. Your seventeenth birthday had passed barely a few weeks before and you had fingered the pretty necklace they had given you as you ate. Your mother hadn't gotten you a present, but Felix and your stepdad had, and they had spent extra time with you when they noticed your mother was ignoring you as usual.

You remembered how Felix’s pretty face had lit up with a smile when he handed you the gift, Chris subtly shoving a card across the table.

They liked to give you jewelry, and you liked to receive it. It felt nice to be dressed up and you kind of understood why your mother liked it so much. The card had a few hundred in it, and a handwritten note from both of them, telling you how much they cared about you.

You had cried later that night, curled up in Felix’s arms as usual, and thanked him over and over. He had just laughed and comforted you as always. That night, you realized how nice it was to have people who cared about you, people who enjoyed hanging out with you, and who valued the things you had to say.

You dared to think that you were glad your mother was dead, so you could have a real family, all to yourself. 

The next day, when your small family moved away from your mother's empty cold house, Chris(As he had insisted you call him) reassured you that they would always care for you that you were their family, that you could live with them as long as you wished.

You felt your cold dead heart, so hardened by your mother's uncaring attitude, begin to blossom in your chest. You noticed, for the first time, how pretty Felix was, with his blond hair and the freckles dotting his skin, how firm his chest felt from years of martial arts when he pressed you up against it. You noticed the caring way he looked at you, the way he comforted you when you were sobbing your eyes out over a dumb boy, or how he always made sure to buy you your favorite drinks from the store. 

You noticed your stepfather's dimples when he smiled at you, his muscly arms when he lifted your things and carried them into the house. You noticed the way he would go out of his way to make your favorite foods when he saw you were down, how he didn't get a new girlfriend, probably because he thought you would be upset about it.

You noticed how they cared about you, but most of all, you noticed they were men. And it would plague your mind for years to come.

It started out innocent. Your heart sped up when they came to close, dreams of kissing plump familiar lips, blushing cheeks.

But then it became worse. 

And the day of your eighteenth birthday, you awoke sweaty and panting in your bed, two forbidden names falling from your mouth. 

You had never considered them as family, not really. Chris was your mother's new toy, and Felix was more of a friend than a brother. That careless attitude was coming back to haunt you.

So you left.

Packed your bags and went off to boarding school. It gave you a break from the suffocating tension that seemed to settle over the house with the loss of your mother. It made you feel guilty, here Chris was so broken up about your mother while you thirsted about him, fantasized about him bending you over the table and taking you ruthlessly. When Felix would smile at you, asking to cuddle and all you could think about was his pretty mouth doing other things to you. 

You couldn't take it anymore. 

Your twenty-first birthday was only a few days away when you returned from, settling back into your old room and your old routine. 

Chris welcomed you back with open arms, hugging you warmly and stroking your hair. “Missed you babygirl.” He would murmur in your ear, and you tried not to shiver at the familiar nickname. 

“Missed you too Chris.” With a pat on your back, he hoisted your luggage up and disappeared inside, arms flexing.

Felix tackled you in a hug next, pressing his lithe body into your back. He'd grown while you were gone, shoulder filling out and arms flexing as he hugged you tightly in a sweet back hug. You tried not to imagine what it would feel like if he was doing something else in this position. But this was Felix, he would never even imagine anything like that. 

“Missed you Oppa.”

He kissed your neck, and you breathed in his clean scent of sunflowers and things you couldn't quite place. He smelled like home. You jostled against him, accidentally rubbing your but against him and he flinched, pulling away slightly.

You froze, it couldn't be, right? Your sweet innocent brother Felix would never…

He pulled away fully and you decided it was best to ignore it for now, so you grabbed his hand, leading him in. 

He smiled at you, and you grinned back. “Dad and I made you a welcome back dinner, it's gonna be great.”

He let you lead him inside, the screen door slamming behind the two of you. You were home.

𝄑𝄑𝄑

You loved being back. The familiar smell of Chris’s cooking, your video game nights with Felix, and most of all, having a family again. But you still couldn't shake that tension. You knew you were the problem and it made you feel guilty. It was hard to cuddle on the couch with Felix when all you could think about was riding him right on this very couch.

It was hard to work out with Chris when you just wanted him to take you in the dirty gym over the workout machines.

But then, on the eve of your twenty-first birthday, when you were all gathered around the table serving the delicious chocolate cake you and Felix had made, you noticed something. 

Maybe it was the way their gazes were focused on you, maybe it was the lighting, playing tricks on your brain, but you swore you saw a flicker of desire in their eyes. You shook it off, sighting your horny imagination, and enjoyed your cake, but you could never really forget it.

Over the next few weeks, you noticed things. Lingering glances, guilty eyes flicking away from your cleavage when you wore low-cut shirts when you had sunbathed out by the pool and Chris had come out, dragging his eyes away from your figure as he handed you a glass of homemade lemonade. Or the fact that Felix had laundry duty and some of your panties had mysteriously gone missing. 

They both wanted you, that was obvious, but lingering doubts stopped them from just taking you, taking what they wanted. They seemed to think you didn't want them, but oh how wrong they were. They just needed a little push.

So you hatched a plan.

𝄑𝄑𝄑

Your plan was set in motion on a Saturday night. Chris had just gotten back from work, and you bounced over to him, all smiles. “Hey Chris, Felix is gone, and I really wanna watch this movie.” You pouted as he removed his coat, sending him those puppy eyes you knew he was weak for. “Watch it with me.”

He nodded, like the weak man he was, and met your sweet smile as you grabbed his hand, bouncing happily over to the couch and pushing him down. “Gonna go change.”

You make sure to wear your sluttiest pj set, a silk lace tank top, and some matching undies, and bounce back downstairs, plopping yourself down and cuddling up to Chris. “Ready.”  Is all you said, grabbing the remote and starting the movie.

He coughs a little, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Aren't you a little cold? Your Pj’s are, um, small.”

You smile up at him innocently, standing up. “Maybe a little, but you're so warm.” You say, and plop down right in his lap. “There, problem solved.” You smile up at him and he smiles back tightly, hands automatically gripping your hips and adjusting you slightly.

You feel your pussy throb at that unexpected show of strength. You're going to go insane if one of your hot sudo family members doesn't fuck you this instant.

So you ramp it up. 

Pretending to be cold, you move backward, jostling around on his lap intentionally. He grunts a little, hands on your waist making butterflies flutter in your stomach.

\You're winning though, you can tell when you move a little too much, and your but brushes up against something big and hard. He winces, opening his mouth to apologize, but his words dissolve in his throat as you grind down, head falling against his shoulder. 

His voice is hoarse when he speaks, “We should stop.”

You grind your core directly on his length and you both groan. His hands move your hips, grinding them against him. He speaks again. “Tell me to stop.”

You can see the guilt in his eyes, the turmoil that wars within him so you shut him up with a kiss. 

“Chris. Fuck me.”

He tries to resist, you feel him brace to pull away, and so you move falling backward off the couch and pulling him with you as you crash to the floor. If you were less horny you would appreciate how he protects the back of your head as you fall, but at this moment you just need his hands on you, his lips on your own, his cock inside you—

So you reach up, sealing your lips in a kiss. He kisses back immediately, his tongue finding its way into your mouth. The kiss is wild, passionate, and hungry, weeks of pent-up lust and longing culminating in this very moment. 

He practically devours your mouth, hands ripping your pretty pj set in his hast as he rips it off. You whine in protest and he pulls away, kissing down your body. “Don't worry baby girl, I'll buy you another.”

Your core clenches at that nickname and you grip his hair, forcing his face down. He obliges, his hot breath teasing your wet core. His voice is a growl when he speaks. “So wet for me. Do you want my cock that much?”

You whine, bucking helplessly into the air. “Yes, want Daddy's cock.”

He chuckles, planting a sweet kiss on your clothed core as you writhe with need. “Such a pretty slut for Daddy.”

You whine and he finally pulls your panties aside, diving into your pussy like a man starved. The sounds that leave your mouth are sinful, moans and pants of his name ring off the walls of the living room.

You're so distracted you don't hear the sound of the front door slamming, Felix’s carefree humming as he makes his way down the hall, headphones blaring. 

𝄑𝄑𝄑

Felix felt guilty that he couldn't watch that movie with you, but the school called and his professor offered him a chance he simply couldn't turn down.

As he arrived home, however, headphones glued to his head, he practically skipped up the path, Happy to see you. He slammed the door open, closing it just as loudly and tromping down the hall, towards the kitchen. He was hungry, there were probably some leftovers in the fridge. He opened the door to the living room and froze, not believing his eyes.

There you were, spread out on the carpet, naked. And that was his dad between your legs.

Felix froze. He couldn't believe this. 

He had never been so jealous of somebody in his life.

It had started years ago when he had met you, to be honest. You were sweet and kind and irresistible to his teenage mind. And you liked prancing around the house in skimpy little crop tops and shorts and Felix was only a man. You were touchy too, always pressed against him and in his lap, and Felix had spent many a night huddled in his bed frantically jerking off as quietly as possible.

He still remembered that one time your little family had decided to go to the beach. Felix had suffered a lot that day, doing his best to not get hard as you pranced around the beach in that cute bathing suit, dragging him around as you usually did. And then you had asked him to put sunscreen on your back.

Felix might have died and gone to heaven that day.

It had only gotten worse and worse, and you got your heart broken by the jerks you dated. Felix knew he could have treated you so much better than those jerks, but he had accepted being there for you as you cried over those assholes, ignoring the throbbing in his chest and groin and comforting you the best he could. 

But then you had returned home from boarding school. Felix had thought you couldn't get more pretty than you already were, but you had. Your figure had filled out and you had become more confident. Your clothes had become skimpier and your legs longer and everything about you was just meant to taunt him.

You were irresistible, and he knew his dad was feeling your effect too, but to walk into this. 

Felix watched guiltily, his stomach roiling with jealousy and arousal and you gripped his dad's hair, bucking wilding into his face. He stumbled back, crashing into a coat rack. Your eyes shot up, meeting him and he looked away guiltily. 

He hurriedly bowed, stuttering out an apology, but you stopped the flow of words, crooking a finger at him. He stared at you in disbelief, and you nodded. He bounded over, ever the happy puppy and you turned over, on your hands and knees, presenting your ass to your daddy. He grinned at you, as Felix gripped your chin, kissing you sweetly as he fiddled with the zipper on his pants. You helped him, releasing him from the prison his pants had become.

Your mouth watered. How was it possible for a cock to be pretty? He was large as well and you stuck our tongue out, giving it a hesitant lick. He groaned and encouraged, you took him in your mouth, gagging around his girth. 

You moved slowly at first, getting used to his cock as his hands lodged themselves in your hair controlling your movements. You were so distracted you forgot about Chris, right up until you felt a hot heat brushing against your entrance. 

Chris chuckled darkly, the head of his cock nudging the walls of your pussy apart as he spears you open. You moan helplessly around Felix’s cock as he bottoms out, his cock impossibly deep in you.

His voice is a rasp when he speaks. “Look at you, a perfect little slut for Daddy. Taking your step-brother's cock so good.” You clench and he laughs. “You like that?”

He begins to move, long harsh thrusts that you feel in your gut, and Felix begins to fuck your face as well. You feel used, like a perfect little fuckdoll.

You love every minute of it. 

Chris leans over you, grunting those sexy words into your ear. “Look at you, taking daddy’s cock so well, like you were made for us.”

Felix’s pretty moans tangle with your own, creating a symphony of wounds. Felix speaks his voice full of wonder, “She’s so pretty, so perfect for us.” 

Chris chuckles, slapping your ass as Felis whimpers. 

You feel so full and perfect, your stomach pulsing with heat as you moan around Felix helplessly, trying to communicate with them. Felix speaks, his voice throaty. “I think she's cumming.”

Chris speeds up his thrusts. “You cumming around daddy’s cock you dirty girl?”

You moan helplessly and he chuckles, landing a harsh slap on your ass. “Felix, fuck her face. She likes it rough.” He nods, and obeys, gripping your cheeks and fucking you roughly. It's so unlike your sweet Felix, the kind boy with the sunshine smile, it makes you clench around Chris’s cock one more time. 

Chris feels it and his thrusts falter. “You want Daddy’s cum?” You nod helplessly, tears streaming down your face, muffled moans 

He flicks your clit and you come, screaming around Felix’s cock as he cums down your throat with a pretty moan. Chris grunts as he cums inside you, his thick cum dripping out of your hole as he pulls out. Felix lets your head fall forward, petting your hair as he pulls his still-hard cock out of your mouth. 

He looks up at his dad, “Can I have a turn?”

You whimper in response, pushing him down and sinking down on his length, Chris’s cum dripping out of your pussy. You both moan as he bottoms out, the stretch of a cock burning ever so slightly as he bucks up into you.

Big dick jeans run in the family it seems.

You hear footsteps and Chris grips your hair roughly, pulling your face up to look at him. Felix grips your hips and begins to fuck you down on him and you moan as Chris speaks again. “Do you like being used, pretty girl? You like being our obedient little fucktoy?” 

At your moan of acceptance, he chuckles, dropping your head and coming back around. You squeal as his fingers come in contact with your other hole, prying it open as he spits inside. Felix pulls you down into a kiss, still hammering inside you as his tongue fucks your mouth. Chris lines up his cock with your ass and without so much as a warming, bottoms out. You scream, overwhelming amounts of pain and pleasure rocking you.

You don't think you've ever taken so many large cocks at the same time.

Chris grunts, slapping your ass as he begins to thrust and matches pace with Felix as he grunts out, “Such a good little girl. Taking Daddy’s cock better than your mother ever did.”

You clench around him shamefully at the mention of your mother, your pride souring. He chuckles as Felix swallows your moans. 

“I've wanted to fuck you since you got back, Felix too. You're so irresistible, baby girl.”

Your fingers are drawing scratches in Felix’s freckled back as you clutch him tightly, Moaning up a storm as two cock drill into you, rendering you dumb and speechless.

You almost feel like they're fucking your brain out, and you clench around them, feeling that ever-present coil in your stomach tightens. 

Felix moves his hands, letting his dad control your hips and using them instead on your boobs, his lith fingers working magic on your hard nipples. You reward him by sucking hickeys into his pretty neck and he does the same, whimpering out your name as he bucks into you. You can tell he's going to cum and you are so close, almost there.

They both speed up their thrusts and Felix moves his hand, his fingers drawing small fast circles on your clit. With an embarrassingly loud moan, you cum, falling back onto Felix’s chest with a pant. 

Felix follows shortly after, pumping his cum into your greedy pussy. His dad follows not long after, with an unfairly attractive grunt.

He pulls out, and you feel their mixed seed dripping out of your fluttering holes, down your legs and onto the carpeted floor of the livingroom, dirtying your mothers favorite rug. 

Felix hoists you up, carrying you upstairs and settling you gently on his bed, stroking your hair as they clean you up. 

There's a lot that needs to be talked about, but for now, you pull them down with you, cuddling up with them as you drift off, surrounded by the people who care about you. 

originally posted on ao3 on 2023-05-29

reposted to tumblr on 2023-06-08

[timothylawrence]

okay....... finished Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney.... putting my thoughts below..... my god.

-okay i figured the last episode was a DLC so im glad i confirmed it after finishing... it was literally as long as the other four episodes combined LMFAO.

-okay. i dont think i want to go into most fandom tags but if i ever see anyone disrespecting etiher ema or lana... i will fight with my life!!! I loved them. i loved their dynamic so so much. Lana... i think she's a great representation of misogyny in law/law settings. I dont wanna get into it too much on a fun game review but her story was pretty realistic and not hard to imagine. and her doing all this for her sister... like i love her. I stand by my cancelled wife or wtvr.

theyre so fucking sweet oh my god...

-miles please god leave this country and go somewhere new and find a new office cus this is TOO much.

-the story was pretty good!!! i think it got really convoluted and kinda... messy. Like i appreciated the twists but after hours like. 10. i was ready for it to kinda be over. It was enjoyable overall and idk if they could've made it shorter but whew.

-knowing this is a DLC that was tagged on... i do think it suffers from being right after turnabout goodbyes... riding the hype of that episode and saying goodbye to maya and everything with miles... i dont think this episode was worse but a large margin or anything but i definitely kept thinking this would hit a lot more if it happened in a different game. idk how that could be resolved but. yeah.

-okay wait the twist with the blood smear being a name written out. ok yeah that was fucking cool!!!!!!

-favorite episodes.... im gonna be so honest i dont remeber the first two i played like 2 years ago. so it'd be... turnabout goodbyes, rise from the ashes, and then the steel samurai one... i still enjoyed all three!!!!

overall... i think i'd give this game around a 9/10. i think my chief complaint, and forgive me i knowww im being annoying and nitpicky... i wish they would do more to show the grayness of prosecutors vs defense attorneys. i know its only game one so this might come up eventually but like prosecutors are not bad guys and defense attorneys arent good guys!! but im just a law nerd so like. disregard this it doesnt take away from the actual fun atmosphere of the game :) I MISS MAYA!

all this to say... FRANSIZKAAAAA I AM COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!!! MY DARLING IM COMING!!!!

[prismatic-starstuff]

Oh wonderful!! My woman* isn't super ready yet but I know a few things and I have a few ideas. For one, she'll be as feral as the game will allow me to be. This is a woman who SUCKS. Considering that, apparently, the elves are sometimes insultingly called "bat-face", I decided to lean into that and make her a bit bat-like. Not sure how much yet, that's...what I need to sketch out. But she'll have these unnaturally tilted very round beady eyes and very large ears. She'll be a bit tan and have a blond buzzcut because idk when I went "I think elves should look uncanny" I very vividly imagined a tanned wiry and lanky elven lady with pitch black eyes and very short hair. And I see no reason to change what my imagination instinctively thought of.

I'm thinking of playing as a mage, but also I'm pretty sure I want to be a mage in Veilguard and playing as a mage in both games feels a bit stale? So maybe I'll go for a rogue? But also being a mage in DAI feels like it could be juicy? So I have to think about that.

Personality-wise, I am undecided between two concepts and I'll go with whichever one the game will allow me to actually play out. In either case, she'll be absolutely rancid. If BG3 was fantasy Gnosticism, I'm sure DA can be fantasy Catholicism. If I just squint hard enough. I mean there are inquisitions, I can find a way to shove something catholic in there. Well it doesn't really matter, what matters is that there IS a religious system and that means there can be fanaticism. This character I'll be playing will either be the most fanatical person ever...or someone who just doesn't care but SEEMS like a fanatic, because it's the kind of person who will invite Jehovah's witnesses for a cup of tea and nod along as they monologue not because the person would agree but because they find it entertaining.

Honestly both of these routes are fine with me because both of them happen in real life but the actual fundamentalists and fanatics usually don't make it to the top because they care too much to ever get there. Like, most people who sit at the top of fundie spaces aren't actually in it for the love of the game, they're in it to win it. And it makes sense because you have to do a lot of things that go directly against your cause and your faith when you're at the top of such a space. So yeah.

I'm not sure what uuuh elf devotional tattoo, I forgot what they're called, I'll give her yet. I'm thinking either Mythal for the irony or Elgar'nan for it to actually fit. Can't decide if I want to go with the hilarious irony or not.

Also...the funny thing is...I don't think she'll be like...rancid in communication? Like...she won't be as friendly as my BG3 guy "Osob", but she won't be rude either, I think. It's like...she will be rancid, but it's the kind of rancid you see in a person only when they let their guard down and you realise "Wait hold up, this person I've been friends with for so long believes THIS???". But idk about that yet. Most of all I just want her to be a hungry rabid coyote staring at you from the dark.

So far I'm thinking of naming her Willa, derived from William Phipps who gave the go ahead for Salem witch trials, or Olivaria, derived from Oliver Cromwell, who didn't really have a hand in inquisitions but he was a fanatical piece of shit.

*yeah ok so about that. This is the part where I pull out a move the game itself can't handle so it has to exist only in my imagination. So yes, she will be a woman in Inquisition. But. I just think it'd be really funny if she realised that she isn't a she after the events of the game. Now you might be asking yourself why I'd bust out such a convoluted move. Honestly I don't know how to make this sound normal, but there are several factors at play here, the most important being that I need the inquisitor to fuck Solas (because I need to know what the deal is. I need to understand what's going on in this place.) (honestly not sure how I'll even manage that tho because I...I don't think anyone will want to romance this inquisitor. Who the hell would want this rat.) but I feel like it'd be funny to sorta game the straight-lock. Like "Oh, I have to be a female elf to romance him? Checkmate, my character just doesn't know that he's trans yet." And honestly the really petty person in me also doesn't want to be just another elven woman inquisitor with a bun. But also yeah I think it'd be really funny. Like all around. For everyone. Imagine you're the inquisitor and you think you're a cis woman and then the plot happens and right after everything is over you're like "...I think this journey may have unlocked something in me."

oooooooooh so i am late to this but i Absolutely love the concept; love a rancid individual, always super fun!!

my plan was also to have my lavellan be trans in veilguard and i am... legitimately sad about the fact that apparently that won't be possible according to a recent interview, but ah well; doesn't matter what bioware have to say about it, we write our own canon for our own characters!

i wish you and your inquisitor the best of luck in your solas-fucking adventures :3

[noitsbecky127]

rebecca watches ds9: duet

“which you are you talking about” the world may never know

new friends?

or new enemies maybe

probably enemies honestly

i think kira knows what kalanora is

just turned on the subtitles, apparently it’s spelled kalla-nohra

i’m not gonna type that every time. it’s kalanora to me now

ah more bajoran stuff

THAT IS NOT A BAJORAN

“will somebody tell me what’s going on?” in which julian is all of us watching

i don’t doubt that he’s a war criminal but what are his charges exactly

hm. yeah if he was there he is probably a bad dude

i wonder what kalanora and pottrik syndromes even do

i doubt it’s as simple as he’s making it seem, or there’d be no episode

hello random bajoran guy

bashir to the rescue with medical information

bajor wants marritza and all signs are pointing to that being reasonable

if kira goes into marritza’s cell he will probably end up dead

alright we’re trusting her to not kill him

what is his explanation for having kalanora if he wasn’t at gallitep then

ok he’s giving up that claim at least

why would a military academy have a class in filing

i mean i’m sure bajorans did kill each other. like obviously there were atrocities and that killed most of them but people do murder one another sometimes, especially when there’s not enough resources to go around

why would darheel have started rumors about brutality? seems more likely that he was actually brutal

i fucking hate this guy

oh it’s fucking dukat again. hate this guy more

whatcha thinking about, kira

i mean isn’t being a file clerk still being complicit? can’t they do smth with that?

hi miles!

he WASN’T a file clerk. guess we don’t need to worry about if they can get him on that

how did they get an image of him that doesn’t exist. he was blocked. wtf is future technology

DARHEEL???

what if this is just ai fucking up lmao

ik it isn’t though, ai art wasn’t on anyone’s radar at this point

hey yeah how IS it a war crime? there was no war, it was an occupation

what was the cardassians’ reasoning anyway? resources? racism? just bc they could?

fuck the execution, just kill this guy right here right now

why go from denying atrocities to gloating about them?

ooh a blue beverage

“how did he know you were with the shakaar?” well, he had a very good file clerk

who’s to say he knew at the time? maybe he learned more after the fact

yep, it was the file clerk

what’s so implausible about remembering a name? even if he didn’t remember it consciously, there’s no reason he couldn’t have heard it and suddenly recalled a report he read or smth

quark please for one minute don’t think about money

“darheel is dead” people fake their deaths all the time

hm. if half of cardassia saw his body then that would be harder to fake

could they alter the corpse somehow? that feels possible

ah ok so it was indeed for resources

wait it was a genocide? that’s a term they haven’t used

the plot thickens

so if this isn’t darheel then who the fuck is it

and why is he saying he’s darheel

he made himself look like darheel

but why. why does he want to get executed. wtf is he doing

he has completely lost the fucking plot

ok marritza, i still want to know why you’re doing this and you’ve only got like three minutes left to tell me, so stop crying and start talking

there are surely less convoluted ways to commit suicide

so he’s trying to send a message

OH SHIT

how did a little knife to the back cause instant death

very good episode but that ending was absurd

[superherorambles]

Here, finally giving y'all some soft damijon content <3

One of my favorite aus is where they get married/think they're engaged as kids so here's my take on it

Previously, when Damian had been introduced to kids around his age, it had been as potential spouses, so when his dad introduces him to Jon he's like. Well ok. It doesn't help that they're two prominent families in the superhero field and have a fairly muddy history together. Damian just assumed that they were attempting to improve relations between the families via marriage.

He explains this to Jon and neither of them... really know what marriage entails, so later Jon asks lois and she says it's for when two people want to stay together and care about each other very much so then he's like "well okay!!!! I want to stay with Damian for a long time! So marriage is cool!"

Eventually, they realize "yeah, okay, our parents definitely did not try and arrange a marriage for us" so it becomes sort of a gag between them, because they act like a married couple anyways. Where there's Jon, there's Damian, where there's Damian, there's Jon, where there's superboy there's Robin, where there's Robin, there's superboy.

One year, they each get each other rings for their birthdays, as a joke. It doesn't help when people keep mistaking them for a couple, but they wear them anyways.

And then Jon leaves.

And Damian is alone and he feels so *so* betrayed, but he keeps wearing the ring. As if hoping, praying, that if he keeps wearing it, Jon will come back. Jon will remember that he left Damian behind and come back for him.

Jon, in the future, still wears the ring. It's a promise to himself that he'll go back for Damian. That he won't leave his best friend and that they'll always be together. He, quite frankly, gets tired of having to explain his long, convoluted history with Damian whenever people ask about the ring, so he just starts saying "it's a wedding band, I have a husband" which isn't, technically, *un*true, it's just not totally the truth. But whatever, he and Damian call themselves each other's husband anyways, (that was a shock to the rest of the bat and super fams. They came down to the fortress of attitude to check on them one day to hear Damian calling "husband? Could you please bring me that?" To which Jon replied, with a laugh, "of course, husband!") So it's fine.

When Jon finally comes home, he and Damian don't see each other right away and he's crushed. But, again, whatever, Damian is really busy, he probably just doesn't have time. He might not even know.

(Damian *does* know, he does and he is absolutely terrified because what if Jon is so much different from what he remembers? Jon is older now, it would make sense for things to have changed)

Jon is approached by a young man named Jay Nakamura who says he likes him and asks if he would be willing to go out with him sometime. And it's very endearing, he seems to shy, and if this were a different Jon, one who hasn't been married to Damian since they were kids, he probably would've said yes. But this Jon just offers a sympathetic smile and says, "I'm really sorry, but I'm married," even holding up the ring to prove it. He isn't sure *why* this became his chosen method for fending off confessions, but it just felt right, every time.

As Jon turns down more and more people, rumors begin to fly because *jesus* what happened that meant he needed to get married at nineteen??

And then, adding fuel to the fire, Damian finally gets up the courage to come see Jon on campus. (Dick drops him off with a soft smile and says "you can do this, baby bird. And if you can't, I'll be right here waiting for you,")

People talk, of course, because Damian oozes wealth from his posture and the way he walks, to his clothes, which probably cost more than you or I could make in years. But Jon doesn't even hesitate as he calls "husband!" With a wide grin, before rushing towards Damian and wrapping him up in a hug.

That makes Damian relax, because *fucking hell* he was worried over nothing and things will be the same as they always have been.

The supersons are back, and quite honestly? Better than ever.

If, in two years, on Damian's 18th birthday, Jon and Damian sneak off to a courthouse, with Conner as their witness, and have a shotgun wedding, that's nobody's business but their own.

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

ok so remember this post?

there’s more.

sonic remembers too. yeah. shadow loses his memory/gets brainfog and confuses the canons, but not sonic he remembers each one specifically, even named some of them if they happened more than once

he saw shadow get stuck in this awful identity crisis loop, but he did the same thing every time. just to see if shadow would remember and break the cycle.

yeah, even in the paths he supposedly kills sonic or himself, sonic waited for it to reset again. just like always.

anyways, here’s the song for vibes with the lyrics and character analysis below the cut (bolded lines have blatant connections that i respond to)

We talked about making it

I'm sorry that you never made it

And it pains me just to hear you have to say it

You knew the game and played it

at some level, shadow was consciously resetting the timeline. sonic can’t pity him fully since he did it to himself

It kills to know that you have been defeated

I see the wires pulling while you're breathing

shadow is his parallel, his reflection. the wires in question are the 326 paths aka a branched timeline

You knew you had a reason

It killed you like diseases

I can hear it in your voice while your speaking you can't be treated

shadow is determined to find his purpose and sonic knows no matter what he says, shadow will keep going. his obsession with identity is incurable so he just follows along each time

Mr. Know-it-all had his reign and his fall

At least that's what his brain is telling all

shadow sees his reign and fall in different timelines. in my original post i also place the suicide endings near the end of the path list because his defeat gives way to the canon ending.

If he said help me kill the president

I'd say he needs medicine

Sick of screaming let us in

The wires got the best of him

All that he invested in goes

Straight to hell

firstly, killing the president is a mission. shadow’s pathway identity crisis paradox are the wires which destroyed his sense of self and linear memory. straight to hell is a clear cut reference to these endings

He told me I should take it in

Listen to every word he's speaking

The wires getting older I can hear the way they're creaking

once again, shadow being worn out by the different paths with the suicide endings placed later in the branched timeline

As they're holding him

Well I could see it in his jaw

That all he ever wanted was a job

He tells me to be raw

Admits to me that every little flaw

shadow is codependent by nature as he was designed to serve. whether it be gerald, black doom, eggman, maria’s promise, team dark, or any ally, he feels the need to fulfill his duties, hence the redundancy of this mission to “find his purpose.” normal people do not generate a branched timeline to find their purpose, and as shadow eventually learns, the problem isn’t “choosing wrong” because a person with free will does whatever they want. his linear way of thinking is a slap to the face because somehow he fucked up freedom and independence with the most convoluted mission ever.

by contrast, shadow’s distaste towards sonic in his game for never “reading the room” by always busting in positively in a way that comes off as obnoxious… well, shadow would call sonic out for being phoney.

That never let him sit upon the top

Won't tell me to stop

Thinks that I should be a little cautious

Well I can tell the wires pulled

I'm having trouble in believing

And I just started seeing

Light at the beginning of the tunnel but he tells me that I'm dreaming

When he talks I hear his ghosts every word they say to me

I just pray the wires aren't coming

once again, shadow doesn’t see the truth or validity to sonic’s demeanour or positivity or resilience because he is so lost in the multitude of layers he just burdened himself with. sonic can always hear the ghosts of prior shadows, especially the ghost of the first shadow he met, who was lost too but certainly not as far gone as now. could this happen to him too? on that note, imagine if shadow saw his sa2 self, and spoke to sonic again when his time comes and he must choose a final path

[pastlight]

S and/or P for the ask game!

I'm so sorry i missed this, just saw the notif when i opened desktop D:

ok so i had to do A Lot of thinking cause i genuinely couldn't find a character whose name started with either letter BUT then i remembered one that's. kinda obscure.

[design not final]

Saite! this character is the older sister of a PC (Anahí) i had for a cancelled pokemon campaign nearly a decade ago. the GM said it'd get picked up again some day and somehow I'm still holding onto hope lmao

fun fact, originally i wasn't aware Anahí was a Guaraní name (native South American culture) and was like "neat, I'm gonna keep this naming convention for the rest of her family". but nowadays I'm not entirely sure. if i do end up changing them, I'd like to keep the first letters or meaning of them. Anahí stays tho.

her plot is obviously a sort of side story branching from Anahí being the main character lol, so she's not as developed.

basically they were 3 siblings: Saite, her twin, and their older brother. their father was extremely abusive, so they ran away together in their tweens, without realizing their mother was recently pregnant with another kid (or maybe she got pregnant afterwards? either way the mother later died during Anahí's childbirth)

i wanted both her and her twin to take somewhat nurturing jobs after that. i know i was gonna make her twin a botanists, expert in medicinal herbs and grass type pokemon; but i don't think i ever decided what i wanted her to be 🤔 she'd definitely be a tough love kind of gal tho

(and for the older brother i was just gonna give him off to the GM to do whatever evil plot he wanted)

they avoid keeping in touch with one another

my idea was that once the campaign starts and Anahí breaks out of prison (she ended up there for uh... trying to kill their father. her full backstory could fill a whole other post) she was gonna use the information her cellmate provided to find her siblings. Saite was going to be the first she meets and the one to tell her that their mother wasn't as nice as everyone thought – between what she saw as enabling their father and prioritizing her own safety over her kids'.

Anahí grew up taking her father's full abuse alone, hearing him talking about their mother like she was a saint and blaming her for her death, so she had a very wrapped perception of her.

with all that, and the possibility that Anahí's presence could put everyone in danger (oh did i mention their dad was the head of a mafia and wanted them dead after they ran away? yeah fun) their first meeting was going to be... rocky at best. lots of complicated resentment from both sides.

anyways i apologize if that got a bit convoluted but she's one of those characters that make much more sense in relation to others than on their own 😭 didn't get to develop her much tbh

[saturnaftertaste]

I would love to hear your thoughts on YJS3

sure! fair warning, though, I'm a ranty person by nature so this might end up being a bit long. sorry in advance ♡

anyway! things I liked:

the humor: s3 was pretty funny lmao, theres that whole collection of outta pocket scenes from throughout the season that I find hilarious each time + the humor was a little more dirty which is nice bc the audience has also grown up from the kids they might've been when they watched it on CN

dickbabs!: I'm not a huge fan of dickbabs, I prefer dickkory (no hate to dickbabs stans btw I just vibe more with dickkory) but this dynamic between the two of them was so sweet and well-balanced I couldnt help but squeal everytime they were on-screen

Clark and Conner getting along: them calling each other brothers was so CUTE I canttt

FORAGER: an absolute legend 10/10 freaking love him

That Episode With The Hallucination: mmmmmmm I miss wally. SO MUCH. and the og 6 I was Super Mad about the first timeskip so it was nice to see them all together again🥰

yeah that's about it for things I liked lmao. now time for the Much Longer list of Things I Hated:

HALO: young justice the bar was so fucking low how are you still successfully doing the limbo what the fuck. you take a muslim immigrant in what is VERY CLEARLY a hijab and 1. infantilize her to an exceptionally uncomfortable degree (I KNOW SHE WAS THE MOTHERBOX, I DONT CARE) to the point where she resembles a five-year-old with every sentence she speaks or action she takes 2. you made a visibly muslim girl claim that she's actually no longer muslim, she's just wearing the hijab as some kind of security blanket???? I'm sorry??? what the fuck were you aiming for here exactly 3. why did you have to name her violet harper. what. 4. really?? the immediate romance with brion? What the shit was up with that...you make her Muslim in some aspects like victor not seeing her hair when she brushes it but her LITERALLY making out with brion like I'm sorry what the fuck are you doing??? you had one muslim character and you fucked up so bad holy shit...like...it could've been simple as hell, man, but no...Big Yikes.

M'gann: I've said this before but I really feel like once they introduced artemis m'gann immediately became a side character whose only job is to be villainised again and again even though it doesn't really vibe with her character. Secret teams?? Lying to Conner??? This isn't s3 but that whole thing with their breakup in s2...what the shit are they doing to M'gann, man. I loved her so much in s1, she's literally trying her best after having gone through so much and it's never fully explored...like we get half explanations every season but we're never shown half the shit that we were given for artemis. And by making her the Uncool Girlfriend at points it just looks like they're trying make her easy to hate like what the fuck. no. stop it

The Plot: too overcomplicated, too many characters. It's only season three, why are you introducing Apokolips already. Why are there so many characters?? what's with all the subplots yall were switching location cards every five minutes. And it's so convoluted...like...what was going on with Beast Boy and the monkey-god-doom-patrol-exposition stuff? I can't even remember if there were two granny goodnesses or just the one. All of those meta kids left over from the last season are a cute cast but like...I was so bored??? we know you can do well-written self-contained storylines a la s1, so hop to it, yeah?

THE ANIMATION: ok ok ok so. season 1 and two (one especially) had a very distinct feeling to them and that feeling was very late-2000s Cartoon Network Action Show - the base model for the males and females is the same (like Ben 10 Alien Force) the colors were not dynamic (stayed the same no matter the lighting, lots of cel shading, and generally were realistically colored in the sense that suspension of disbelief was not entirely necessary) CHEEKBONES, gritty textures and purple skies (Batman the Brave and the Bold). overall theres a certain Tone to the earlier seasons that spoke a lot to the animation capabilities of the studios at the time, as well as the general feel of the show. however, season three was a MAJOR downgrade in terms of animation. they made it both simpler and more complicated - they started using their DCAMU animation style which while it does give muscles to the women, adds too many unneeded shadows and a strange stiffness and dullness to every character. There are now extra lines and uncessesary shadows on the face of every character, and their eyes and facial features are almost identical. There's also less highlights, and the hairstyles are way too overcomplicated now to be appealing (see mgann and dick) - the hair is unspeakably dull and and the skin tones and hair colors are painful on the eyes. This isn't even taking into account the shitty backgrounds they've started using (AHEM AHEM ARTEMIS'S KITCHEN) because while the earlier seasons may have had unappealing, mostly empty settings, the characters still fit in to the scene, unlike now.

the lack of sisterhood????: apparently, only artemis goes to see zatanna for her Dr. Fate appointments. Apparently, M'gann barely talks to Artemis after the very tragic apparent death of Wally. the two of them, dare I say even the THREE of them, should be close as hell considering they spent their early years super-heroing together on a team full of boys. M'gann LITERALLY called Artemis her sister in the SAME EPISODE she was introduced, and neither of them had any real girlfriends other than each other at this point. M'gann who fell apart so hard Artemis died in her head that she almost killed them all in her grief. Like. You're telling me, you're SHOWING me that these two aren't each other's support system? Where is the sisterhood, bitch????

Lastly: the costume design. I understand that they're constrained by the need to make it simple enough to animate, but COME ON. if you're going to borrow Diana's DCAMU/JL: War costume, at least keep the metal silver. What the fuck is that green-gold. And Tigress? god DAMN that mask is ugly. Cassie looks like she robbed a goddamn supermarket discount clothing aisle for her outfit. Why is bart's outfit Like That it's so ugly it makes me want to cry. @ young justice costume designers Please Rethink Your Decisions

that's about all I can think of right now. it got REALLY negative whoops, but theres just so much I didn't like about this season :/ hopefully the next one will better ;-;

[ct-multifandom]

MLB ideas/hopes/predictions/prompts

Bunnix using her umbrella to fly like Mary Poppins

Ladybug coming up with an overly convoluted Rube Goldberg machine type plan with her lucky charm, but not having some of the components, so she just sends Pegasus to the store in the middle of a battle

Characters who are close slowly finding out about each other’s superhero identities in funny ways

Pigella picking up something massive and like 10x heavier than her and chucking it

I really want one of these heroes’ tools to be a comically large anime-style weapon, but alas I don’t think they’d do it

Season finale boss fight featuring all the new heroes, which is totally gonna happen at some point, but it would look really busy on screen to have them all running around at once, so I’d split them into smaller teams based on their skills to carry out specific parts of Ladybug’s Epic 36-Step Plan™️. It would make for a satisfying “oh yeah, it’s all coming together” montage and also give us some unique character interactions.

Ladybug picking unique combo teams of new heroes based on their skills to fight specific strong villains

Alya starting a school paper and getting the whole team in on it. I love the episodes where the class does one big project together, they’re so cute.

Someone/a group getting akumatized on purpose to disobey Hawkmoth and take advantage of their akuma’s power for a noble goal

Episode from the POV of a boring background character detailing how the life of the average Parisian is affected by LB and CN. Unreliable scheduling, monster traffic jams, the sheer embarrassment of getting got by an akuma...

I want an animal to get akumatized. Someone’s dog who feels lonely when their favorite human gets a new, demanding job and turns into a terrifying Cerberus beast or something.

Mayor Bourgeois allocates some taxpayer dollars into a LB bank account to support her, and she has to make the very important decision on whether to save it for a real emergency or buy 17 hamburgers.

Okay part of me doesn’t want to make kwami/future hero predictions in case I accidentally come up with something way cooler than what will really happen and then be disappointed, but the other part of me is like hee hoo predikshun. So don’t expect these to actually happen lol.

I won’t talk about Multimouse because we kinda know everything about her, but she looks cute and it’s nice to see two heroes who aren’t super skinny.

The silhouette of Minotaurox in the intro doesn’t offer a lot of insight other than his epic horns. I have no idea what his tool might be. His costume looks to be pretty simple/practical, though, which is in line with Ivan’s character. I heard a theory that his power will be increasing in size, and it makes sense looking at Stoneheart and the pattern of flipping the characters’ flaws on their head, but that sounds kind of boring to me, especially compared to all the other creative abilities.

Tigresse’s silhouette makes me think her design will be awesome. Her tail looks like it might be her tool. It kind of resembles Amethyst’s whip from SU so maybe she can use it to grab things like Ladybug does with her yo-yo. I heard a theory that her power will be invisibility which I support because it takes the flaw that turned Juleka into Reflekta (wanting to be invisible out of insecurity) and makes it powerful like the stealth of a tiger.

From the silhouette, Caprikid looks a bit like a beginner’s Trollhunters cosplay, but I’m sure he’ll be cool. I’ve seen people argue whether he’s Nate or Marc and I’m positive he’s Marc (making Nate CC) so if anyone asks for an explanation I’ll make the comprehensive post on why. He’s holding his tool, and I’ve seen debate over which direction it’s in. If he’s holding it pointed up it looks like a giant calligraphy brush, but I think he’s holding it pointed down and the “brush” is just a decoration on the end. I’ve heard a theory that it’s a shepherd’s cane which is my favorite one. Personal idea here: I’d make his power telekinesis. Pretty basic, but I can imagine it being very useful for the type of scenarios we see in the show without it being OP. I like the idea of using a cane to “shepherd” something through the air. This could reflect Reverser’s desire for control, but flip it to be more collected and useful.

I fully support Coq Courage’s ninja pants, they are simply Correct. It’d be cool if his tool was a bow and arrow, and that seems like a pretty popular theory. The shape to the left of his torso looks like it might be a quiver but it’s probably just his other arm. Thumb rings are used in archery, but what little we’ve seen of the miraculous (disguised on Marinette and Chloe) shows a different type of ring. Still tho. Also get ready for my crazy never-gonna-happen idea: the bow can turn into a hang glider. Roosters can fly, but not super well/freely, which could translate to gliding. It’d add some versatility to the way the heroes move around since a lot of the temporary ones can only run, and it would let him reach places LB might not be able to. I’ve heard a theory that his power will be supersonic voice which could contrast how Nathaniel is bad at communicating and quiet until he gets mad and blows up.

Orikko might be the kwami of illumination. Roosters are associated with the sun and Evillustrator’s power was sourced from light. At first I thought his transformation words might be “sunrise” and “sunset” but someone said the activation code could be “rise and shine” which sounds awesome.

Traquemoiselle, believe it or not, is actually in the intro, she’s just hidden at the very top and only a snippet of the head is showing. All we know is that she has round dog ears. Barrk is surprisingly one of the more fleshed-out kwamis as of now, having a few solid lines of characterization in Furious Fu. Kwamis are usually yin-yang to their holder, so Barrk fits Sabrina perfectly, being loyal yet independent while Sabrina is loyal and an absolute doormat. No clue about her tool. Her power is kinda in the name: tracking. Maybe she can track down some one specific thing of her choice, but maybe she can sniff out akumas. As seen in Dark Owl and Gang of Secrets, Hawkmoth can be creative with akuma placement, so she can probably save the team from some close calls.

I have no theories for the transformation words of the other kwamis. Ziggy or Stompp could include “horns” or “charge” and Roaar “stripes” but I can’t think of any phrase including those words that isn’t too similar to an existing one. There are some phrases based on powers, though, not the animal. Or maybe they’ll just give up and give us another iteration of “Sass, scales slither”.

I think the theme for one of these remaining new heroes might be “assertion”. A lot of them struggle with that as their civilian selves, and the animals that are left can all be associated with independence/dominance, not that the animal traits always play into what the heroes are.

Ok last one, long one: in season 3, Luka’s main traits were “cool and nice” which doesn’t make for an interesting, complex major character, and at first he seemed like the perfect love interest, but from an outside perspective the extent of his kindness is kind of disturbing. I’m hoping they can flip this around and turn it into a character flaw where he has practically no boundaries, and it turns into a problem. Maybe he could agree to run random errands for the background characters for nothing in return, and at first it’s just him being nice, but later people start seeing his help as an obligation. They get peeved when he’s unavailable one day and get akumatized into a “boss rush” of classic akumas, effectively trapping and forcing him to help them. Then Tigresse Pourpe comes and helps save the day, expanding on Juleka and Luka’s relationship. The resolution can teach kids that putting yourself first isn’t necessarily selfish, and that sitting back and letting people take advantage of your kindness isn’t heroic.

There’s probably some stuff I forgot which I can put in a different post later, but lmk if you want a separate post about any of these things in more detail! This was just me rambling out all my new hyperfixation thoughts. Also if anyone uses any of the hypotheticals/scenarios as a prompt I’d love to see it.

[firefly464]

Nothing more than a Beautiful View

Have I spent the past two days hyper fixating on a Kimi no Na wa/Your Name au because wilbur and niki said that they both really like the movie? Damn right i have. Look i just... I really love this movie. Its such a good movie. Please go watch this movie. 

Anyways, for context, Wilbur is mitsuha and niki is taki in this au, mostly because it allows me to have fun with SBI content. Also, instead of a ribbon, the thing connecting them is a piece of music. Also yes this is the mountain scene. 

Thanks to @hawheckin, @nkhaotic, @coffit0, @emmystar214 for putting up with me for the past few days and giving me fun ideas :D

SPOILER WARNING FOR YOUR NAME BELOW!!!

~~~

"You know, I really admire you." Wilbur said quietly as he looked up to the comet that streaked across the sky. Trails of blue and purple followed it, making it look like it was nothing more than a beautiful view. 

For a brief moment, he allowed himself to pretend as if everything were normal, and his home wasn't merely hours away from being destroyed. He allowed himself to pretend that he was just on a date with a pretty girl, and the two of them sitting at the top of a mountain, watching the comet together. That they were able to laugh and sing like nothing was wrong. 

Niki let out a soft laugh of surprise at Wil's words. "What? Why? You already have everything you could ever want. You're handsome, charming, talented, and you have a wonderful and loving family." 

She didn't even realize exactly what she had said until Wil let out a laugh. "You think I'm handsome, huh?" 

She let out a small squeal of embarrassment, her face turning bright red. "I-I mean..." 

He couldn't help but laugh at her embarrassment. "I'm just teasing, don't worry. Besides, it's not like I'm perfect. I've still got my flaws."

"Yeah, you're stubborn and prideful, not to mention reckless," her words were punctuated with a soft laugh, showing that she meant no harm by her words. "But that doesn't explain why you would admire me of all people" 

"Why wouldn't I? You're strong, brave, and you're willing to do things that I would never even imagine doing. You don't let your pride get in the way of things, and you always do what you feel is right." As he spoke, he gently plucked a few notes on his old guitar. It was covered in dust, not to mention horribly out of tune, but holding it brought a sense of comfort. He was grateful that it had somehow survived the explosion. "Not to mention, you're the entire reason why I even talk to my brothers. Before we started swapping, I would sit in my room, too stubborn to come out. But you... You didn't let any of that stop you."

Niki could feel tears prick at the corners of her eyes as Wilbur spoke. Why was he acting so kind to her? She was just a weak little German girl who just so happened to grow attached to a family that wasn't even hers. She clutched the tattered bucket hat to her chest, trying to imagine the warmth of Phil's hug. 

When she had found his hat in the rubble of the broken home, she had felt like she had lost a part of herself. She knew that it didn't make much sense, after all, she had never even met this man face to face. It was always through the eyes of the man next to her. But none of that mattered. She had grown attached to the small family of four, often considering them closer than her actual foster family. Finding the torn up hat had felt like she had lost her own father. 

It was pathetic. She was barely able to look her foster parents in the eyes, and yet she mourned the loss of someone she had known for less than a year. 

Wilbur glanced over at Niki, trying to figure out what she was thinking. He saw the way that her hands trembled as she held Phil’s hat, the way that her eyes had glossed over with tears as she stared down at the remains of the town she had briefly called home. 

Hesitantly, he gently placed an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “Hey, you’re way stronger than you think you are.”

“I’m not…” her words were quiet, even more quiet than normal. “I’m just a dumb girl who desperately wanted a family that would love her” She leaned into the hug, trying to absorb the love and warmth that she felt. 

“You also traveled halfway across europe just to come and find me, and then proceed to travel back in time just so that you could save everyone. You then dragged my brothers into a super convoluted plot that involved hacking into the schools broadcast system, blowing up the generators, all for the sake of keeping everyone safe. Hell, you even managed to confront the mayor… I don’t think I could ever do that. You’re incredibly strong, you just need to take a step back and realize it.” 

“But I-” 

“Niki, listen to me. I don’t know how much time we have left together, and I’m not going to waste it listening to you lie to yourself. Got it?” 

She choked back a sob and nodded slightly. He was right, of course. Magic hour only lasted so long, and she didn’t want to waste a single second of it. “Right…” 

Wilbur reached over and gently wiped away the tears that were starting to spill from her eyes. “Hey, it’s going to be ok, I promise.” 

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, Wilbur trying to tune the old guitar, and Niki resting her head on his shoulder. A chord rang out through the night, accompanied with a shout of success. “There we go! Finally…” He played a few notes, letting the music wash over them both. “You know, I still have never heard you sing.” 

“I- wha?! Yes you have, you literally recorded it!” Niki cried out, her face flush with embarrassment. She didn’t enjoy singing in front of other people, she was never anywhere near as talented as them. 

“Oh come on, that doesn’t count. That was still me! I want to hear you sing, not just myself with your voice.” He gently nudged her with his elbow, trying to lift her spirits. “Besides, didn’t you promise me that we would sing together some day?”

“I…” she wiped her eyes once more, a small smile growing on her face. “Yeah, I guess I did, didn’t I?” 

He began to absentmindedly strum the guitar, a familiar tune emerging. His face lit up “Damn right you did. Don’t think I’m letting you forget your promise”

Her smile grew as she listened to the familiar song. He was right, wasn’t he? 

They were going to be ok. 

[joaquinwhorres]

Boxes (Lee Jordan x OC)

SUMMARY ››››› Nora finds Lee sitting alone out in the snow and goes to check on him.

WORD COUNT ››››› 1,578

A/N ››››› I wrote this in like three different ways, but I’m happy with how it turned out. It gives a little more insight into Nora’s soft side and also is not just Lee cheering up Nora. 

She had never seen Lee Jordan alone before. 

Sure, she'd seen him without his friends, but always walking through a crowded hall or sitting in the Quidditch stands or trailing a professor asking questions. Never so completely and utterly alone. 

The thought caused her stomach to twist, and she slowed to a stop keeping her eyes focused on him. Maybe it wasn't the fact that he was alone. Maybe it was the fact that he was still. 

In the classes they'd had together he'd always been turning in his seat or busying himself with something on his parchment. He was a dynamic announcer, talking with his hands and dodging McGonagall's attempts to grab the megaphone. But here he was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, staring into space.

Something wasn't right.

Nora stepped out from the covered walkway and into the snow, wrapping her arms around herself as if that could protect her from the cold of the little white flakes that settled onto her coat sleeves and tangled themselves in her hair. "Lee?" 

His head swiveled to her, and she was a bit surprised that he'd heard her the first time she'd called his name. 

"Are you alright?" Nora asked, rubbing her mittened hands gently up and down her arms. 

His smile was soft--not the electric grin she was used to. "Perfectly fine," he answered in a voice that was probably  meant to reassure her. And it might have if it weren't for the fact that there was still that little twist in her gut telling her to stay.

"Really?" Nora asked, stepping closer, bits of snow jumping up from under her feet to avoid being packed down in the shape of her shoeprint. "Is that way you're sitting all by yourself out in the snow instead of coming in for dinner?" 

He exhaled what might have been an attempt at a laugh through his nose. "I'll be in soon."

"Ok." The word came out airly, as if she believed him, and Lee must have thought she did because he turned back around to stare out into the middle of the courtyard. But, instead of retreating, she moved forward. "Do you mind if I sit out here with you until then?"

He shook his head but didn't look at her again. 

Nora nodded, mostly for her own benefit, before tucking her coat under her bum and settling down into the snow. She wiggled a bit, smoothing out a nice little divet to sit in before chancing a glance over at Lee who hadn't moved. She turned her attention up to the sky, tipping her head back so that the snowflakes drifted down onto her face and caught in her lashes. For a moment, she felt entirely at peace in the muted world of the courtyard. She could understand why Lee chose to escape out here to avoid the raucousness of the castle. Except… Her eyes drifted back to Lee once more. He didn't seem to be escaping much if the look on his face was any indication.

"It's beautiful out here," Nora mused, leaning back onto her hands and fighting back the urge to shiver without her arms wrapped around herself.

"Yeah," Lee breathed out in agreement. 

Nora bit the inside of her lip, trying to settle back into the moment. She looked back up at the snowflakes and attempted to count them. She tried picking one and following its progress all the way down to the ground. She tried naming the specific colors of everything she saw around her: pearl, cotton, mist, slate, slate-blue. But her fingers twitched in her mitten, itching for her to do something. 

So, she scooted to the left, narrowing the gap between her and Lee. Nora bit off her mitten, digging her hand into her pockets, fingers searching for the familiar smoothness of plastic wrapping. Instead they bumped against a quill tip and then a crumpled piece of parchment and then her small supply of tissues. And then, finally, they found it.

Nora withdrew her hand from her pocket, presenting three pieces of butterscotch to Lee on her open palm. He looked at her with eyebrows raised, and she smiled. "Whatever it is, I've always found a bit of sweets help." 

He exhaled another laugh--this one more real, and his shoulders dropped some. "Thanks, Nora." There was a fondness in his voice that hadn't been there before, and her smile grew just a bit bigger. 

"Take two," she urged, and Lee hesitated for just a second before taking another sweet. 

The two unwrapped their butterscotches in silence, each popping them into their mouth and then pulling mittens and gloves back on. 

It was easier to sit in silence now. Listening to the sweet clack against teeth and sitting just a bit closer together. 

"Can I ask you something?" Lee asked, and she startled a little before turning to face him. 

"Of course." 

"What do you think of me?" 

Her head tilted a bit to the side as she considered him. He was still staring forward as if didn't want to meet her eyes when he asked this. She had the distinct feeling that she could say something very wrong if she wasn't careful.

"How do you mean?" 

Lee's jaw worked as he sat in her question for a moment, and she wondered if he hadn't heard her or if this was the wrong thing to say before he spoke again. 

"I overheard someone in class today…" he shook his head, not wanting to finish the rest of the story. "People here, they just think I'm a laugh. That I don't take anything seriously. I'm just...entertainment." 

Nora frowned. 

"You're not entertainment. Entertaining sometimes, but you're more than that Lee. Much more." 

"I know, it just-- " he cut himself off again with a sigh, resting his chin on top of his knees. "I don't know why it's bothering me this much. I like performing and making people laugh." 

He didn't say anything else after that, staring back out into the snow. Nora adopted his position, drawing her own knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "People like to put other people in boxes," Nora offered, shrugging her shoulders. "You're the entertainment, I'm that happy girl, someone else is the pretty one, and the smart one, and whatnot. I think it helps them feel like they can make sense of everyone--they just need to find the right box to fit them in. But it's absolute shite being put in a box because there isn't a single one big enough to fit every part of you." 

This earned her half a laugh. "'ts a bit of a convoluted metaphor," Lee remarked. 

"I'm doing my best," Nora looked back at him, a smile tugging up at her lips. The two held each other's gaze for a second before Lee looked away. 

"What box did you put me in? Before we were friends?" 

"There wasn't a box really," Nora shook her head. "To me you've always been the boy who wanted to find the Giant Squid with me on our first day of Hogwarts." 

Lee turned back to look at her, his cheerlessness dissipating the way ice did on a frozen pond. His lips parted like a sharp crack in the ice before fissuring out into a smile and dimples and melting away into a look of small wonder. "I'd forgotten about that." 

"I never have," Nora shook her head, giving him a half smile. "I was so nervous on that boat ride. I'd never left my family for more than a week or two, and even though Wren was with me, I didn't think we'd be sorted into the same house. And then you came along chatting about the Giant Squid and trying to make the boat go over to where you were sure you'd seen him, and you let me help--more than that, you actually listened to my ideas…" Nora trailed off, realizing she was rambling. "I thought you were very clever and good fun and truly kind. I thought 'this is someone I could be friends with if Wren leaves me.' But then you went and got sorted into the wrong house too, and I promptly never spoke to you again." 

Lee let out a burst of laughter, and a warming sensation flooded Nora's chest seeing him genuinely smile. "Well," Lee said, his laughter dying down. "At least we're friends now."

Nora nodded. "All this to say, if people want to put you in a box, they're missing out, Lee. Really, truly, we should pity them, missing out." 

His gentle smile returned once more, but unlike the first one he'd given her, this one was as warm as  laughter that shone in his eyes. "Thank you, Nora." 

"Anytime at all," Nora said, returning his smile with one she hoped reflected all that he gave to her.

Lee took in a deep breath before letting it out through his nose. "I guess we should go to dinner then." 

"My stomach would like that very much," Nora agreed. 

Lee chuckled, standing up from the snow and brushing himself off before offering a hand down to Nora. She accepted it, taking hold of his gloved hand and letting him pull her up onto her feet. He squeezed her hand once before letting it go and two walked side by side back into the castle.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Someone Who, Like it Or Not, Will Want You to Share a Little a Lot

BEING ALIVE Chapter 9

PREVIOUS CHAPTER   

A/N: This is my submission for @thatesqcrush​ kink bingo square praise!kink. Also this chapter went a lot different than I originally planned but it just hit me like a ton of bricks so I hope it’s clear what I’m going for. IDK time to flip the script a little! Also if you saw this posted and disappear it’s because tumblr hates me ok sorry

Content Warning: Smut (ahah) and vague mentions of past abuse (if you’ve been reading the story you know)

Word Count: 5k (sorry lol)

(also how did I never see this gif before fuck me)

“I got you something,” Rafael says. You’re in his office for a lunch break, making sure he eats the salad you’d made for him. Sometimes he still hates you. When you try and shove lettuce down his throat, well, that’s one of those times. But he knows it’s for his own good, like most things you do with him in mind.

“Ooh, we’re doing birthday gifts already?“ you ask, kissing his cheek. "I figured I’d see you later… you’re coming to the restaurant, right? I really don’t think Sonny knows what ‘surprise’ means, but hey. It’s nice of him and the squad.”

“Yes. I know all about it. He hasn’t left me alone for the past two weeks.”

“Nice to know someone cares about me,” you tease, and Rafael rolls his eyes.

“Well, anyway, I figured I’d see you at lunch today, so I brought this one thing with me. I wanted you to wear it tonight. Don’t worry, cariño, you have plenty of other gifts waiting for you at my place.”

“I told you not to go all out. I’m only turning 26. 35 is the next big one.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “35? I thought it was 30?”

"No. I think 30 will be just another one. Everyone makes it a big deal because it ends in a 0, but I don’t think it is. 35 is where the line is crossed. That’s when you’re officially middle-aged,” you say, grinning a little.

“Jesus, so what am I? Ancient?”

“No. You’re still middle-aged,” you giggle. “You’re getting there, though.”

“Mm. Right. Remind me why I spent money on you again?”

“Because…” you drawl, pulling him in by his tie to press your lips to his. And oh, it’s a mesmerizing kiss, like most of them are: one of your hands moves to the back of his head, pulling him in ever closer, and you’re slipping your tongue in his mouth, the acidic tinge of the vinaigrette you had been eating just the jolt he needed to get him to grasp for you. His hands slip under your shirt, earning a gasp from you, but Rafael remembers he’s in his office and the shades aren’t drawn and keeps his hands on your waist. You’re not close enough; you’re never close enough. “That’s why. Right?”

“Right. I forgot,” he snickers, pecking your lips. “Do you want your present or not?”

“Of course, honey.”

So he gets up and pulls out a jewelry box from his desk drawer, taking a deep breath, unsure of why he was so nervous. He smiles awkwardly, walking back over to the table and handing it to you.

“Open it, cariño.”

You do, your hands shaking a little as you unlatch the box, revealing a simple, delicate gold chain with an emerald pendant attached to it. You don’t say anything, your eyes watering as you look up at him.

“Do you not like it?” he asks, cursing himself. He should’ve asked you to pick something else out.

“Rafael, I can’t accept this. How much money was this? I can’t…”

“It doesn’t matter. I bought it for you, and I want you to have it. Do you like it, (y/n)?”

“I love it, Rafael, but it’s too much… I told you not to spend too much.”

Who was counting? He wasn’t above sharing his wealth that he’d worked to accrue. It was nice to be able to give, sometimes, and that was the expectation, wasn’t it? It was your birthday, he was your boyfriend, and he would be damned if he was outdone by anyone on the squad tonight.

"Just let me give this to you. Please,” he says. “And don’t cry.” God, you were always crying. Too much. You were an emotional person, and internalized everything, good or bad. He’d have to talk you out of ways you put yourself down frequently, but lately he’s been finding it hard to be bothered by it, because you’d smile after he smoothed out the knots in your mind, and kiss him like you meant it. “Stand up. Let me put it on.”

“Okay,” you whisper, nodding and getting up. “This is the nicest thing…anyone’s ever bought for me. Don’t think I don’t want it, Rafael, I do, but it’s… I was shocked at first. I don’t want to put you out.”

"Shh,” he says, taking the necklace out of the box and pushing your hair aside. He kisses the back of your neck, placing the necklace on your skin and clasping the hook.

“I like the pendant,” you say, fingering it between your pointer finger and thumb. “It reminds me of your eyes. Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it. I’m not in the habit of buying jewelry, really. I never had anyone to buy anything for, so I didn’t know…”

“You have good taste,” you say, turning around and smiling, but then your face falls a little. “But… Rafael… how long?”

“How long what?”

“How long did you live like that? Alone? I mean, after Yelina, did you ever get that close again?”

He sighs, leaning against the table. He doesn’t want to divulge this, but at the same time he feels like he has to share. “There was a man. I was… 35,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “But we didn’t work out. Guess I didn’t get the memo that that’s when I was supposed to have my shit together. And I just… I just gave up after that. I had flings, but never got that close again.”

"Honey, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I was only joking about the middle-age thing—“

Rafael waves his hand dismissively. “It’s fine, (y/n).”

“You sure?”

“Mm,” he says, putting an arm around your shoulder.

“Eight years is a long time, though.”

"It is… and if I ever seem distant, I don’t mean to be. I’m just used to being alone.”

“I don’t want you to ever get used to that again, honey,” you say, leaning against the table next to him. “You get used to me being here. Soy tuyo y… eres mio.”

He kisses you then, urgently. God, you were going to start talking to him in Spanish now? Even if all you knew was elementary level, he was a goner.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on that thought, because Carisi’s knocking on the door. “Sorry to interrupt, Counselor, but I need to borrow the birthday girl,” he says, smiling brightly in that annoying way he always did. “We need her more than you right now.”

"What happened? I told Olivia an hour,” you ask, taking Rafael’s hand in your own as he pulls away from your mouth.

“Yeah, well, you know you can ask for an hour… but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna get it. She told me to come pick you up. We got a lead, and if you wanna get out by dinner…”

You roll your eyes at Sonny, then glance at Rafael. "Looks like I have to cut this short. Bye, honey,” you say, kissing him. “Make sure you eat your salad.”

“Yeah, Barba. Gotta get those greens in,” Carisi chuckles as you both give him a look. “What? It’s cute that you worry about his health. My ma, she’s always on my father about taking his meds, and she cooks for him, makes sure he goes for walks.”

“Well, I can’t have Rafael dying on me,” you say, putting on your coat. “I’d miss him too much.” You flash Rafael a smile, heading out with Carisi’s arm around your shoulder.

Sometimes he still feels a pang in his chest when he sees you with Carisi. Things seemed so easy between the two of you, so simple, like you’d been friends for decades as opposed to the months Carisi had been on the SVU. And Carisi was still annoying, God, the man never shut up about anything, and his off-color comments were more than eyebrow-raising at times. In some ways, Carisi was your work-husband, and Rafael supposes that’s to be expected. Partners got close, maybe even closer than some legal marriages.

Another reason why it was a sham. Right? Just because you didn’t have a ring on your finger or his last name didn’t mean you weren’t close to him.

But you could always be closer. Too close for comfort. Wake up next to him every day, brush your teeth in the bathroom next to him while he shaves, argue with him about not taking the trash out on time or something equally mundane. Sounds like hell. Sounds like monotony. Sounds like settling, maybe more on your part than his.

Because who would be able to marry you and call that settling?

Aside from the fact that marriage was always a risk for settling - because what are the odds you pick the right stranger off the streets of New York to bind yourself to for the rest of your life? Another hundred people were always getting off trains, getting on buses, leaving crowded streets to catch planes into or out of this city.

Rafael, though, he was always staying in the same place.

And, even though it may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things, the fact remains that somewhere on some paper in that precinct, your name is next to Carisi’s, billing you as partners. There was no such record of you and Rafael anywhere, not even a Facebook status. And that? From a legal standpoint, if one wanted to be crude, you two were nothing more than friends who fucked. Even if you did live together (which you didn’t) common law marriage wasn’t legal in New York.

So. Legally, if you went down that convoluted path, maybe you were closer to Carisi.

Rafael isn’t sure what to think about that. He’s over the jealousy; it’s been long enough now that he trusts you not to do anything stupid, and as much as Rafael hates to admit it he believes Carisi’s too set in his morals to even look at you suggestively. But it’s still something to think about, isn’t it?

——

“You look gorgeous,” Rafael whispers in your ear, helping you zip up your dress. You did; clad in a crushed velvet emerald long-sleeve number - yet another thing Rafael shelled out money for - and there’s a sense of pride in seeing it match perfectly with the necklace he’d gifted you earlier. “But I already can’t wait to bring you back here.”

“Mm, is that yet another present, honey?” you ask, pressing back against him. “You’ve really been spoiling me.”

“You’ve been a good girl. You deserve it,” he says, chuckling as you shiver.

“We’re gonna be late. Not nice to tease me,” you pout.

“I’ll make it up to you tenfold. Put your shoes on.”

The restaurant is nicer than Rafael thought the squad would pick out when they mentioned this idea to him a few weeks ago, but he has half a mind that they thought Rafael would help cover most of the bill. Which he did, as expected. Give a little, get a lot. Something like that. Like it or not, he’s dating the birthday girl, and he’s expected to be more giving than usual. By you, too, of course, even if you would never voice that assumption. He couldn’t very well buy himself suits that cost two grand for no reason and justify not spending the same amount or more on you on special occasions.

“Hey, happy birthday! Surprise!” Carisi says as you get to the table.

You roll your eyes at him before hugging him. “You said happy birthday to me, like, what? Twenty times today? It’s not a surprise anymore. But thank you.”

“Hey. Dream team. Had to do something for the best pardna in the world,” he says.

“Well, damn, Barba, you got (y/n) dressing to the nines too, now,” Amanda says when she sees you, smiling and squeezing your shoulder gently. “I feel underdressed now.”

“Nah, you look beautiful, Amanda,” you tell her, grinning back. “Blue’s your color.”

“Green’s definitely yours.”

This is the first time the whole squad has gone out with Rafael present since they found out for certain that the two of you were dating, and Rafael isn’t quite sure what to make of the atmosphere. He still feels excluded as the only lawyer present at a table full of detectives, and he thought maybe a known tie to you would change that, but it doesn’t, not much. Everyone falls into telling stories, and tonight they mostly concern you - but Rafael has none he wants to share even if maybe you expect him to contribute to the conversation.

What could he say that they didn’t already know?

Besides, what the hell did they think about him? He can only imagine what went through their heads once it was confirmed that he was dating you.

Isn’t he a little bit, well… too much of a smartass? Tacky, in the sense that he’s still that same kid from the barrio trying to fit in with the upper-class of New York with expensive suits and a brass ego? Old? Short? Aggressive (maybe more so passively)? Neurotic? Peculiar? Depressing?

God, he’s practically old enough to be your father.

Everyone was always trying to set you up with someone before they knew you weren’t single, whether it be Sonny with his Fordham buddies or Amanda with her men from god-knows-where or even Olivia one time with a sergeant from a different department. Maybe it’s because you’re beautiful, and beautiful people don’t stay single for long (unless, perhaps, if they were surly and standoffish, which you weren’t in the slightest). You’re a charmer, even if you don’t necessarily mean to be. A flirt without quite realizing it, without being too much of a threat. Pleasant to be around. Easy to like. A little shy, a little rough around the edges, a little stoic at first, sure, but that was easily overlooked and if someone put in the time, you were an open book.

It was easy to pity you. Maybe that shouldn’t be how he sees you, but sometimes he just can’t help but feel so damn bad given everything that’s happened to you. And he knows that’s how the squad feels too. Sure, you could handle yourself on your own, but no one wanted to let you. It’s in Olivia’s eyes when she looks at you sympathetically, it’s in Amanda’s hand when she squeezes your shoulder, it’s in Carisi’s insistence on putting himself in harms’ way so you wouldn’t ever have to take the fall: Poor baby. We’re the only tenderness you’ve ever known.

And maybe that’s true, maybe this squad was the only kind of lasting kindness you’d ever been shown. You don’t talk much about your past, and that’s fair, because Rafael doesn’t think there’s much that would be pleasant to recount. After the rape, middle school was difficult for you, as was to be expected, and you didn’t have many friends that stuck around. He’s never heard you say a word about high school, and sure, college was probably a lot better than the hell you’d been through before, but you had no one you kept in contact with from there, not even the woman you mentioned sleeping with before. Maybe life hasn’t handed you all the wrong cards: you’re gorgeous, you’re intelligent, you’re great at your job.

But in the interpersonal sphere, you’re lacking, maybe as sorely as Rafael, and that’s something he never quite thought about until now. You didn’t wear it like he did though, and you still had hope, somehow, whereas Rafael’s supplies of optimism had been used up over the years. Maybe one day you’d run out, too.

Leave it to Rafael to bring the melancholy to a birthday party.

But you wouldn’t bring the squad home; you couldn’t. On the nights you didn’t spend at Rafael’s or the nights he didn’t spend at your apartment, you were as alone as he was. He wonders, did you sit there and stare at the walls, struggle to sleep without him by your side… or did you not care?

“Honey, I was talking about you,” you say, giggling a little, and he feels your hand on his shoulder bring him back to the present. “You’ve been out of it, tonight, huh? Anyway, I was going to ask if you’d tell them about your theatre productions—“

“Oh, Jesus, (y/n), why the hell are you going to bring that shit up?” he asks, feeling a slight blush creep up his neck. “I told you about that in confidence.”

“Oh, come on. It’s cute.”

“Yeah, come on, Barba. She’s the birthday girl. You gotta do what she says,” Carisi chimes in.

Rafael glares at him and sighs. "Fine.”

“Floor is yours, Counselor,” Amanda says, winking. “Maybe you can sing for us, too.”

“Fine. I was in theatre in middle and high school. Happy?” he snaps. He knows he shouldn’t be so mean, and this was trivial, but he could do without the little jabs from the squad and your puppy-dog eyes.

“Why do you have to be like that, Rafi?” you ask. “Come on. Tell them the production in eighth grade.”

“This really means that much to you?“

"Will you just tell the story?” you ask. “No one will make fun of you, honey. I won’t let them.”

“Mm. Right. Well, my school couldn’t get the licensing rights to anything actually good that year for the Christmas musical… so we did A Christmas Peter Pan. It was about as awful as you think it would be.”

“What part did you play?” Olivia asks. Of course she’s the only one at the table who’s not tittering with laughter.

“I didn’t try out soon enough, and they didn’t have any parts left… so I played the crocodile.”

Amanda damn near spits out her drink, and Rafael rolls his eyes as Carisi laughs heartedly and Fin and Nick try and fail to not crack teasing smiles.

“I just really can’t picture that, Barba. Damn,” Carisi says after he calms down. “How bad was the costume?”

“What do you think a middle school theatre department could put together?” Rafael asks, narrowing his eyes. “Anyway. I didn’t have any lines, at least.”

“No, but you had three scary entrances,” you tease, grinning brightly and squeezing his shoulder. “Hey. It was your debut. I can’t wait until I get your mother to show me pictures—“

“Send them to me,” Amanda says. “I’m begging you.”

“I’m going to get my mother to burn that scrapbook before you’re ever in its vicinity,” Rafael mutters, chuckling.

“Aw, come on, honey, don’t be like that. You know I’d never let Amanda see them. Sonny, maybe—“

“Hey!” Amanda interjects while Rafael shoots you a withering look.

“No, I wouldn’t let him see them either. Some things are actually meant to be shared in confidence,” you laugh. “But anyway, Rafael went on to bigger and better things. He played Kenickie in Grease sophomore year, right? And you got the lead senior year?”

“Mm. Nathan Detroit. Guys and Dolls.”

“I have no idea what that is,” Carisi says.

“Of course you don’t,” Rafael retorts.

“It was a big part. He says his mother has a tape of that somewhere—“

“Are you trying to kill me, (y/n)?” Amanda asks exasperatedly. “The knowledge that that’s on film and I’ll never see it?”

“Mm. Deal with it. That’s not the one you wanna make fun of though,” you say. “Rafael can sing. He never will in front of you guys now, but he can.”

Right. Little things he’d shared with you, maybe without even meaning to, and now you could list them off as nonchalantly as if you were talking about yourself. Did any of his ex-lovers ever bother to learn all his amateur theatre roles front to back?

Thankfully, the waitress brings the cake over after a few minutes, saving him from more humiliation, and everyone, even Rafael, obliges and sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to you before you blow out the candles.

“Well, our blessings, (y/n),” Olivia says, grinning.

“Don’t tell your wish or it won’t come true,” Fin chuckles.

“Actually… I didn’t wish for anything,” you say, shrugging.

“What do you mean, you didn’t wish for anything?” Carisi asks.

“Tell, but lie,” Nick says.

“Nah. I’ve got everything I want. Thank you for including me in your thoughts, your lives—“

“Aww. Stay exactly as you are, (y/n),” Carisi says, reaching over to squeeze your hand. “What a sweetheart, huh, Barba?”

“Everyone adores you, (y/n),” Amanda laughs. “What an awful thing.”

Yeah. Everyone did adore you - but you weren’t an unshakable tenant in anyone’s life.

And, come to think of it, neither was Rafael. Rafael was always confused as to why the hell you even approached him all those months ago, flirted with him, got him to buy you dinner… but fuck, it was clear now. You were alone, grasping at straws just like he was. A couple months in the city you dreamed of living in since you were a child provided you with nothing more than acquaintances you worked and occasionally got drunk with, and maybe it was human nature to want more than that.

Yet here you were insisting that you didn’t wish for anything. What the hell? Didn’t you want more than what Rafael was giving you? Shouldn’t you?

Fuck if he knows. He’s not even sure what he wants anymore, never mind what you want.

——

Rafael has never been above sharing his body for someone else’s pleasure. It felt good to give in this regard, and fuck it, if anyone deserved to have a good, healthy sex life it was you.

It had been a long road to get you comfortable - yes, the first time you had sex with him you were more than a willing participant - but he’d notice sometimes when he initiated things, you would space out and become unresponsive. That was absolutely not going to work for him. He’s been prosecuting sex crimes long enough for that to turn his stomach in the worst way. The last thing he’d want is to take advantage of someone who was lying underneath him just because they thought it would appease him, not because they genuinely wanted to be there.

You got mad at him the first time he brought it up; said he was reading too much into things - but eventually you came around and admitted what had made you uncomfortable, what had turned you off, what had made you freeze, and what it came down to was years of trauma that no one had bothered to work through, not even yourself. What started with the rape went on to college boys who wouldn’t keep their hands to themselves and tried to pressure you when you weren’t ready - and you’d never quite learned to say no. You said you didn’t want to share this, didn’t want him to think you were some perpetual victim or that you didn’t enjoy sex - because you had had positive sexual experiences aside from Rafael, obviously - but sometimes all it took was a touch in the wrong place and you shut down. You still had issues here and there, but at least you’d actually fucking talk to him now, which was progress. He would’ve thought for an SVU detective with a psychology degree this wouldn’t be an issue, but maybe it’s how it goes - you put all your energy out there for the victims and you never learn how to unlearn your own toxic thought cycles and behaviors.

Also, Rafael learned, through trial and error, that you liked to be praised. Maybe it was after years of being ashamed of your body and sex, after years of feeling like you were inexperienced because you never met anyone worth having experiences with… but it was almost like you got off on it and Rafael wouldn’t really mind if that was the case. You are a good girl - his good girl - especially now, as he’s sitting at his desk chair in his apartment and you’re riding his thigh, your dress ridden up to your waist. Your lips are kiss-bruised and you’re so wet he can feel you seep through your panties to his dress pants.

Fuck it if you ruined them. Fuck it if you ruined him.

“Yes, good girl, you gonna get off on my thigh, (y/n)?” he asks, his voice low in your ear.

“I don’t know if I can,” you laugh. “Might need some assistance.”

“No, I think you can. Want you to try it. You think you’re close, mi buena chica?”

“Mm, don’t know. I didn’t think I was gonna have to work this hard on my birthday,” you say, leaning down to kiss his mouth. “Don’t you think those hands could be of good use somewhere?”

“Maybe. Where do you want them?“

"Mm, fucking everywhere,” you drawl.

For Rafael, sex was always just fun. Usually, it was better if he knew the person at least a little, but after Yelina, he didn’t care as much and was a little more of a libertine. Sex with you, though; it’s different - it’s a conversation - maybe like it’s supposed to be, sharing what you can’t or what you won’t say with words.

Maybe he should feel more flattered, because you were sharing a lot, too.

Rafael gives you what you want, though, cupping your breasts as he kisses you, murmuring words of encouragement in your ear in between - “Yes, just like that, you can do it, come for me, such a good girl, come on, cariño” - and when you do finally fall apart, he peppers your face with kisses. “See? I told you.”

“Mm. Sometimes you’re right,” you giggle, kissing the side of his mouth. “But I’m not working that hard for the next orgasm.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles.

And you don’t; Rafael brings you over the edge with his tongue and fingers, but you’ve barely come down from your high before he’s on his back, at your mercy instead.

“What are you doing? Didn’t think you wanted to work for it anymore,” he teases as you press kisses on his chest.

“Nah, you’re gonna fuck me, hombre, but I want to do something for you first,” you purr, trailing down lower, lower, lower…

“It’s your birthday–”

“Mm. Yeah. But now I just guaranteed that you have to go down on me on yours,” you giggle. “No. We’re not counting favors here, right? Just let me.”

And you’re so good. You always are, but every time just seems to get better as you learn more of what he likes, what gets him off. He wonders vaguely if he you feel that way too, but he doesn’t have much time to dwell on that as your lips wrap around his cock. “Fuck, so good, (y/n),” he hisses. If he wasn’t almost painfully hard before he definitely is now. “That’s it, oh fuck.”

One of your hands comes to cup his balls gently as your tongue and lips work his cock and it’s hard to remember that you were ever tentative giving him a blowjob before. Maybe that’s the thing about sex; everyone thinks they need experience to be a good lover, but maybe they don’t. Maybe they just need to listen to their partner. Rafael’s slept with people who have slept with countless numbers of people but no one’s ever learned his body like you, and your count was much lower. Granted, Rafael never quite allowed himself this type of vulnerability with anyone else in recent history, either, but it was only fair that if some of your walls came down some of his did as well.

Still, he has to make sure you know that by gasping out praise and encouragement, tangling his hands in your hair, being careful not to pull too harshly. “Fuck, so good at that, sucking my cock so good, se buena, mm, fuck.”

Eventually, though, Rafael can feel that he’s dangering the brink and has to stop you. Switching positions again - you’re on your back for him now - and he’s lining up his cock with your pussy, making sure you’re still good. With your consent, he enters you, groaning softly at finally feeling you wet and warm around his cock.

“God, you’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” he grunts as he starts fucking in and out of you, slowly at first.

“I’d hope you think so,” you say.

“Think - no. You are. Fucking gorgeous.”

Your cheeks flush a little and he can’t believe you still get flustered when he tells you that. But you are a vision - hair splayed on his pillow, your breasts heaving in tandem with your breath, your skin shining with a slight sheen of perspiration. Yeah. Fucking gorgeous.

And, oh fuck, now you’re clawing at his back, scratching with your nails. A shiver runs down his spine as he fucks into you harder, “That good?”

“Fuck, yeah, Rafael, fuck me,” you whine and he leans down to press a searing kiss to your mouth.

“Mm, so pretty, taking my cock so well, cosita bonita, so good for me,” he rasps in your ear.

You’re meeting him thrust for thrust; the only sounds Rafael can hear is the slap of skin on skin and his heart pounding in his ears as he kisses up and down your neck. “Mm, Rafael, feels so good,” you purr, and yeah, now he can see why you get off on those simple words of encouragement.

It’s not long before the two of you reach your highs and come down, a panting, tangled mess twisted up in his bedsheets. “Mm. Feliz cumpleaños, cariño.”

“Yeah, happy birthday to me,” you laugh, leaning over to snuggle against his chest. “Fuck, I’m exhausted now.”

“Thought I was supposed to be the old one.”

“Like you could go for another round right now.”

“Try me, mujer,” he chuckles. “Shower?”

“In a minute,” you giggle. “Let my heart rate come down a little.”

The two of you lay there in silence, your breathing rates settling while Rafael’s mind sets off to the races again. You were right, earlier, eight years was a fucking long time and it didn’t get any easier to be alone.

It doesn’t get any easier to be with someone, either, though, like when you wake him up too early in the morning and ruin his precious sleep, or when you make snide remarks that ruin his day and bruise his ego or, worst of all, as always: when you see right through him, like the front he puts up just doesn’t exist.

Maybe, though, maybe he’s a masochist because god forbid you leave. Here he was, carving out hours of his precious time; time he used to tell his mother he never had to spare, and sharing it with you. And you wanted him to.

Rafael doesn’t know what the hell to make of that.

Tag list: @caked-crusader​ @thatesqcrush​ @law-nerd105​ @arabellathorne​ @blackeyedangel9805​ @moon-river-drifter

[hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong]

The kids pt 2

BB: we're back all you weirdos that enjoy senpai's blog! Here again to show you the kiddos with this convoluted lore dump of post Chaldea life for senpai and his family!

Mari: please, stop talking in such a stupid way...

BB, ignoring her: a lots happen since the last time we did this! We even learned where lovely lil Maria's name came from. And daaaaww, wasn't that a sweet story?

Ed: BB, can we please get started? Sis is eyeing that water bottle and I'm afraid of what she'll do with it and our computer if you don't hurry.

BB: fine fine! Dang Mari you are just no fun huh? Anyways, just like before we're discussing the others who got a second chance at life and how they're viewed through the eyes of these two! So who first? How about, my lil darlings! The first 3 members of the Sakura 5!

Mari: why only the first 3?

BB: spoilers!

Mari: stupid. Well we've seen that Melt became a famous ice skating performer. We don't see her much but the few times we do it's pretty nice.

Ed: sometimes she acts like a big shot celebrity out in the open, but she seems more humble around us.

BB: yeah, that's melty for ya. I gave her a good amount of tsun! Have you seen the picture of her before this tho?

Mari: yeah... pretty weird. Why did you give her huge blades for legs and no hands?

BB: I guess it's just a part of my twisted lil personality!

Ed: and you wonder why Mom wants you gone from our computers.

Mari: and Lip seems happy, she's found love with someone, and her partner seems to truly love her. So that's nice.

Ed: and she's changed even more from before. No huge metal claws and a slimmer body.

Mari: again, wtf BB?

BB: pls stop asking me questions.

Ed: and Protea is also happily in a more normal body then before. But for her it was just too big.

Mari: she still acts like a Kaiju sometimes.

BB: yes, those three are in such happy lives. As their mother I'm so happy for them.

Mari: stop lying or I'm pouring root beer all over the computer.

BB: do not! Moving devices is a pain in the ass!

BB: *sigh* anyways, whose next? Hmmm... what about lil miss Gorgon?

Mari: we don't see her much, the only times we do she's forcefully dragged by mom and her friends.

Ed: and she's always hiding her face and such. She has self esteem issues for some reason.

BB: yeah, and those reasons are called "Stheno" and "Euryale"

Mari: such shitty sisters. Where do they get off messing with 'Dusa about her height?

BB: who knows?

Ed: she isn't even that tall... mom's taller and she's never self conscious.

BB: have you not heard the heaps of praise your father gives her about that?! It's so much I get sick hearing it!

Mari: oh be quiet! What I wouldn't give to have such a beautiful relationship!

Ed: woah! This is the first time hearing you say something like that!

Mari: ...well yeah... when I was young I kinda did that silly kid thing of being grossed out by their affection. It was so much I honestly thought they overdid it in front of us just to mess with us. But growing up... and seeing them still like that and the old videos from Chaldea and how everyone else talks about them... that's real genuine love! I hope one day to find a partner like that.

Ed: yeah, I'm so happy we were born into a genuinely loving family! Sometimes I hear stories of kids born because their parents thought it'd save their relatives, when they should've gone to therapy or something instead!

BB: this conversations nice and all but can we get back on topic? It's almost time for you to walk the lil mutts.

Mari: right... now who?

BB: well speaking of mutts, what about that lil dog Lobo?

Ed: lil!? He's huge! Biggest wolf I've ever seen!

Mari: and they said he was bigger back in chaldea too! Like holy crap!

BB: yeah, he got huge.

Mari: now he's at this wolf sanctuary and seems to be fine with humans now.

Ed: yeah, and he's found a nice mate again. White just like La Blanca!

Mari: you think he used his grail wish to be reunited with her? And she's the same wolf?

BB: why wouldn't that be cute? Anyways, let's do one last servant. Hmmm... actually! Why don't you talk about your dear 'ol mother?

Mari: mom? OK, I guess technically that'd fit.

Ed: well after she reincarnated she became a famous luchadora! She was an unstoppable force in the ring!

Mari: yeah, she was unbeatable! Never suffering a single defeat for her whole career!

BB: buuuuut! She retired! Care to say why?

Ed: well... after she became pregnant with us... she had to leave the ring.

Mari: and... the responsibility of taking care of us didn't allow for time to return to fighting... so she hasn't come back since.

BB: yeah, that's the thing about childcare, it can get in the way of other things.

???: BB, you better not be messing with the children!

Mari: oh hey mom!

Ed: what's going on?

Quetz: it's time to walk the dogs, come on your father's already outside!

Mari: crap! Sorry!

Ed: we're going now!

After the kids went out, Quetz had more words for the ai.

Quetz: you just can't help but try to mess around huh?!

BB: all I did was tell the truth! Can't control their reactions!

Quetz: do this again and I'm burning every device you've been in! I don't care if we lose some data, you're gone if you go too far!

BB: fine! Don't need to take it that far!

Quetz: this is you were dealing with here

Rex, from outside: mi corazon! Come on!

Quetz: coming!

Quetz then goes outside to join the family

A/N: more of the kiddos. Along with what Quetz got up to in between this and Chaldea. BB can get a bit too Mischievous at times.

Tags

@hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @hasnightingaledoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @nureenarts @kierakaz @valiantstrawberrymilk

[poptimus-prime]

Here is what the kids call my highly disorganized, half-baked list of stuff that could have been done with Jack to make him a better character.

@yeetmetothehell I am sorry if you are disappointed by my ideas.

“Optimus was more like...Jack.” OK…so show us that.

In my opinion...Jack seems like he was intended to be written to be almost a parallel to Orion’s journey to becoming Optimus Prime, at least how he is used in the plot. Jack is described as “smart and responsible”, which can also be read as “hardworking and responsible” and really this can be achieved in narratively using a few points, IMO:

Long hours in his room/the library studying outside of work and school. 

Filling out the background of the garage more with sketches/print outs of motorcycle blueprints (to keep the idea that Jack really wants a motorcycle and show hints of extreme dedication, but they’re kept in the garage rather than his room to metaphorically show that distance he’s put between himself and what he wants)

“Man of the House”/”Grew up too fast” (This will be discussed more later but TL;DR “I’ll handle the electric bill this month, Mom”)

Somewhat fragile work/school/life balance that Jack somehow perfectly maintained before meeting the team

Orion was very physically passive. Jack seems to be intended to be written as passive but it comes off as an apathetic reluctance that Orion doesn’t possess (Orion may not believe in violence but he clearly wasn’t unwilling to communicate his thoughts; it’s how he got the title of Prime in the first place.) However, Orion had to learn to become more outspoken over time probably, so we can keep him as being aloof/reluctant at the start of the series.

“Man of the House”/”Grew up too Fast”

It’s no secret Jack came from a nonconventional home; June is very explicitly portrayed as a single mother with a dad nowhere in the picture. However the situation surrounding Mr. Darby is unknown. The way June talks about it makes me personally feel like Jack’s dad either ran out or divorced June and doesn’t bother with his kid. Dysfunction in the family really just goddamn changes you TBH. (can confirm bc hi, I come from a dysfunctional home) Sometimes you just grow up super fast. Jack probably spent his childhood missing his mom as she worked shifts at the hospital and seeing how lonely and hurt she was. He maybe went out and got a job the first day he could and helps with smaller bills (“I’ll handle the electric bill this month.”), or maybe other expenses like groceries and his own phone bill. June probably makes enough to comfortably support her and her son, especially given her job and the cost of living in rural ass desert Nevada. But Jack still does this anyways--it’s how he copes with his issues after what happened with his dad. Doubling down and trying to be what he thinks is the bigger man because his dad couldn’t be fucked. 

This would make the disruption him letting the bots into his life creates more staggering; June doesn’t expect her son to pay bills, but the sudden change in behavior (skipping out on work) would be a cause for concern because sudden shifts like that are Usually Signs that Something is Very Wrong. Especially because Jack is usually responsible and open with his mom; he would have told her if he was gonna cut hours at work, theoretically.

Jack feels like he has to constantly put his own wants aside to contribute to his household. Even if June doesn’t force this expectation upon him, it’s a feeling that he will have, especially if he watched his dad just abandon him and June. Maybe he has resentment towards his dad for this and that is causing some anger he’s keeping tightly under wraps? And maybe the bots give him an excuse to do something he actually wants to do for once or some excitement in his life and that’s why he goes along with it? Lots of options, people!

Clothing Choices: The Hoodie™

You are going to have to deal with me being a whore for costuming choices and what they can mean. The show has a problem with the humans wearing the same shit every time they’re on screen and I’d love to rant about all of them (yeah yeah I get it saving money) but I’m focusing on Jack right now. Give Jack a hoodie 2020. A grey one or some other dull and drab color. And make him actually always wear the hood (except like in scenes where he is working bc workplace dress codes obviously) As time progresses, the drab hoodie is changed to a more vibrant color, but he still always has the hood over his head. And then, at a pivotal moment, the boy takes the hood off. (You could even throw in Miko cracking a joke about Jack actually having hair if you really wanted TBH.) Why this? The narrative is that Jack is constantly holding himself under wraps because of his self-imposed responsibilities. As he starts to become more into his own, he decides to express himself more with brighter colors, but still has some reservations. When he takes the hoodie off, that’s when he’s fully realized himself in this process and thus completes the parallel.

Actually make him interact with Optimus in a meaningful manner.

Arcee can still be his guardian in the field and I think working on strengthening their relationship is vital. But also, if you’re gonna make Jack the confidante holding the key to Vector Sigma, there actually has to be...meaningful interaction. Optimus asking Jack what he’s so engrossed in reading and Jack explaining the book he’s got with passion before shutting himself up and saying “it’s kinda dumb though” or something. And Optimus just responds “I don’t think it’s dumb, tell me more.” Coaxing him towards more self-discovery and expression. Optimus maybe sees more of his old self in Jack and starts attempting to be a quasi-paternal figure without really thinking about it because he is, after all, Dadimus. Jack maybe lashes out about how he doesn’t need Optimus to be his dad and that makes the space between them tense for a while. Eventually Jack comes to apologize and maybe there’s an important Talk.. Just a few ideas I will expand on later. I feel like forgiveness and lack thereof is a good theme--I know I was held back for a long time because of how convoluted the concept of forgiveness is with family.

The Character Arc

 So, what would Jack’s character development throughout the events of season 1 be? My basic idea for a Jack arc that mirrors Orion’s self-realization and coming into Prime-hood without being a carbon copy is essentially: 

Jack is portrayed as a responsible, hardworking, studious teenager who constantly turns down chances for fun and excitement to handle his responsibilities. Has clear dreams for after high school and for his own personal life; but he’s constantly contemplating and changing his mind about whether he will or not because he’s extremely dedicated to helping his mom and all that. However, he still gets super curious about Arcee and gets swept up by her in the Vehicon chase, and he still has whispers of courage and protects Raf during the altercation. He first tries to ditch Team Prime because he’s concerned about his responsibilities, but eventually returns because he’s drawn to the opportunity to finally go buck wild for once in his life (even if he spends his time being hesitant about everything.) His hesitancy and dedication to severe self-imposed responsibility is a result of his inability to move on from what his dad did to him and his mom; he’s under the impression that he 1) Has to forgive someone to move on, and thus 2) He cannot move on because his dad isn’t there to bother to say sorry and take on his position as Dad. In essence, he becomes less the character telling Miko to stop and more the character being pushed by Miko to be more adventurous. In lulls in action, Optimus starts to take interest in him when he notices his constant hesitance to express himself and is just being dragged along rather than going willingly. Has a conversation with him about a book Jack’s reading, which Jack attempts to shut down because it’s “dumb and childish,” but Optimus urges him to continue. The idea that June knows about Arcee as a bike and Jack explaining that he bought a motorcycle as a fixer-upper for dirt cheap can stay. (He probably still is saving up for his motorcycle.)

The longest portion, after Optimus starts interacting with Jack on a level of bonding and gently coaxing him to be himself— Jack becomes more outspoken and he’s shown as curious, analytical, quick witted, and has a deep sense of justice. Being young and craving a childhood lost to his trauma and self-imposed obligations to help his mom with running the household, he suddenly starts spending more time at the base pursuing hobbies and going on missions rather than studying and work, which concerns June. She tries to press Jack, and is met with what can be described as typical teenage headbutting that gets progressively worse. She grounds Jack after the fight, MECH takes her, the rescue happens. (That makes sense to stay in this narrative IMO.) Around this time, Optimus has effectively started becoming Jack’s own Alpha Trion—teaching him things that he’s picked up that he may feel apply to Jack. Jack interprets one of these lessons as Optimus trying to be “dad” and he’s not having it. Makes it VERY clear that he does not need a dad (“didn’t need one before and sure as fuck don’t need one now”) and definitely snaps at Optimus, which then pushes his progress in the arc closer to the end. He eventually comes back to apologize, and Optimus forgives him. He and Optimus have a heart-to-heart about one of the hardest lessons Optimus has had to learn—how to let go of the past without forgiving those who have hurt you and refuse to make amends, so that you may determine your own future. It’s very clear he’s talking about Megatron, even though he never says his name. Jack takes this lesson to heart.

His final bit of development before the hood removal thing probably happens during the events of “Rock Bottom” and reinforces that hard lesson, right when he’s faced with the option to off Megatron. Maybe there’s some taunting about how Optimus preaches softness and forgiveness too much when Jack refuses to kill him. Jack gets angry, and he’s about to fucking do it. But then he stops, takes a breath, and says “Optimus doesn’t preach forgiveness, he preaches moving on from those who refuse to move on themselves. He will never forgive you, but he’s learned to live on despite what you’ve done.” Soon after this, when Megatron comes to the base, Jack takes off his hood, stares Megatron right in the face, and says “This is not forgiveness, Megatron. Don’t you forget that.” Later, when Optimus gives him the key, he tells him something along the lines of “you have grown since we’ve met, Jack, and even though there is still a long way for you to go...” he hands Jack the key. “...Remember that even I am a work in progress.”

Anyways this is again, half-baked. And needs lots of polishing. But it’s something.

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr