#yeah I only Grew Up with this stuff it’s not like it’s a major piece of my identity or anything

[mycological-mariner]

Did anyone else grow up being told not to weep for too long for the deceased because the person you’re mourning for will slip and fall on the tears of the living as they make their way to the afterlife?? I’m trying to hunt down an original source but well. Yeah. It’s a pain.

[mysteryinkkat234]

Trafalgar Law Rockstar Headcannons

This was an idea I got from this post, and my friends and I came up with some fun ideas. And then I thought of maybe writing one-shots or a full chaptered story of a Rockstar Law x Reader.

Let me know what you think and if you have any requests for one shots, One Piece related, my DMs are open

DISCLAIMER: these headcannons have talks of drug addiction, Doflamingo and his bullshit, and NSFW topics such as bondage and dirty talks

Hope you enjoy!

* grew up with his parents wanting him to become a doctor, instead he started a rock band, called the Heart Pirates with Shachi (Bassist), Penguin (Keyboard and 2nd Guitarist), and Bepo (Percussion) and a bunch of other people

* He’s both a guitarist and singer, playing mostly Hard Rock, Prog Rock, and Alternative Metal like Blue Öyster Cult, Queens of the Stone Age, Slipknot

* They mostly play at underground stages, bars, Law tries to keep it indie and not spread too quickly

* They do start getting fans, but also majority of them, mainly feminine individuals, who really like Law. I mean how can you not? Tattoos, tired eyes, nice voice, chill attitude.

* Law’s family is actually pretty stacked, his mom and dad being both Doctors and his sister Cami studying to be one. He doesn’t really tell people about his family though

* As he was going to medical school he sadly fell into a bad crowd, following them to a group called the Donquixote Family. He soon was kicked out of school. He couldn’t tell his parents about it either, being homeless for a while.

* He soon meets Rosinante, a DEA agent and Doflamingo’s, the head honcho of the Donquixote Family, little brother. He lets Law live with him in his apartment, helping him with rehabilitation.

* Sadly, he’s unable to get him out of Doflamingo’s debt, Doflamingo asks for Law to work for him once in a while, playing music and entertaining guests at his local clubs and casinos, all while doing doing his Heart Pirates band, now with an ‘anonymous’ sponsor

* How Law meets the reader was a classic meet-cute. A record store, the reader was organizing records and bumps into Law. They bond for a bit, banter.

~~~

“You know I play guitar, in a band.”

(Sarcastic)”Seems that every guy that comes to me says they’re in a band.”

“Hehe, yeah sorry, did they invite you to their shows?”

“No, they say ‘we’re still looking a place to let us play’ and then forget about me.”

“Trust me when u say I have a band that has done a bunch of shows, lots of underground places if you’re interested.”

“Mayhaps~”

~~~

* and that’s how Law and reader met, and soon fell in love. The Heart Pirates get introduced to them, they rag on Law for being a softie but the reader likes them, they’re good to her.

* As Law and the reader are dating, she lets me sit in the green room, watching on a TV of the show, cheering for their boyfriend without the sound of other people gooning for him.

* Does Rosinante know about Law’s partner? Yeah but also he’s out of the house most the time, they’ve never bumped into each other before. Law tells his partner that they’re roommates and that’s all.

~~~

NSFW Headcannons:

* He doesn’t tell his fans that he has a partner, stuff like crazy fans trying to fight them in real life

* He’s heard some wild stuff at concerts yelled out by people. And in the back of his head, he’s reminded of his partner… and all the naughty stuff he’s going to do when he goes home

* Law likes the dirty talk, and the praise. “Every time I’m on stage, I think of fucking you in the green room, and no one would know.” “You’re the only fan I’ll fuck, and I’ll fuck you good. You have all of me, and I have all of you.”

* He likes fingering their partner while wearing rings, he likes to see them shiver from temperature play

* And bondage, loves tying his partner to the post of his bed, or partner tying HIM to the bed.

* Sex has never left the apartment, there have been some heavy make-outs in the green room and some perverted touches but he soon kept it cute and sweet in public in front of his friends.

* Shachi and Penguin will recommend the wackiest kinks to then get beat by Law.

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - returning to your roots

Masterlist - part fifteen

Summary: Spider's decision leads to a brother and a sister's worst argument yet. Some things come to a head.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 20k+ (I am so sorry 🙏)

Overall warnings: mentions of torture, trauma/ptsd, vomit, slight body horror, canon-compliant, mature language, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, rushed, time skips, fluff, angst, major character death, child endangerment, etc.

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69

A/N: Here it is... the ultimate Spider appreciation chapter. I couldn't afford to split this chapter into two parts like I did last time... so if you think some things aren't rendering on Tumblr, please please please click the link to the ao3 version. Enjoy!

Kayla would be the first to admit that she wasn't good at making her kelku feel like a home. Still a soldier at heart, she retained the mindset to keep her quarters clean, organized, and empty of any clutter. The only thing she owned was the weapons with the safety on, cleaned, and tucked away from sight, along with the little necessities she first packed for her trip to the reef, such as the hammocks that are always packed away every morning after a night of rest. As for Spider, all he had was the breathing mask on his face, the loincloth he wore, and the few packages of human rations Kayla and Jake had found for him in a drifting harpoon boat after their battle with the Sky People. 

So, needless to say, the marui pod Kayla was so graciously given by the clan leaders of the Metkayina looked more like what the Sky People would call a bachelor pad back home. At least, that's what first came to mind when Kayla took one look at her new home and decided something needed to change. She had a new place of residence and she even had a teenager living under her roof, a teenager who barely had anything growing up that he could proudly call his. Kayla decided that she needed to make this place look and feel more like a safe space Spider could come to when he needed to get away from the world, which is how Spider found her hours later.

"What's that supposed to be?"

Kayla looked up to spot the teenager in the entryway, staring oddly behind his mask at the object she was trying to put on the far opposite wall of the pod. She looked between him and the large branch which she had spent dedicated time to cutting and molding into a flat surface, before her ears lowered in embarrassment, "Uh... a bookshelf?"

Setting the long wooden board down on the ground for Spider to get a better look, Kayla huffed in exertion and decided she would have to find an easier way to hang up the makeshift piece of furniture she had created. 

Spider's expression only grew more confused as he looked at the warped plank of wood before stating the obvious, "You don't own any books."

"Yeah..." Defeat was already evident in her voice, already aware she had spent hours of wasted time on this project but had stubbornly hoped it would pull through. She stared longingly at the wood piece, ears still drooping with shame, "But I was hoping that putting other stuff on it would liven the place up. I guess it's not as homey looking without any books."

"Wait, what?" He cranes his neck up to look at her, puzzled as he crosses his arms over his chest, the knife cut barely even a scar now, "What are you trying to make it look like?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, now staring down at the makeshift shelf as if it had offended her. She was mentally kicking at it and herself for not succeeding in one stupid little piece of home decor. Realizing that Spider was still oddly watching whatever was happening to her face as she had these thoughts, she decided to straighten her back and head toward the exit, motioning the kid to follow her.

"You know what? You and I are always out of the house anyway. It doesn't need to be fancy. Let's go. I'm thinking of taking you kids out exploring."

Spider takes a moment to watch her leave before glancing back at the 'shelf.' Squinting his eyes, he shrugs and turns to follow her outside, "Cool, sounds like fun."

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla brought Spider to Jake first and asked about taking the kids out into the jungle, expressing how she wanted to show them the waterfall she had previously mentioned to her brother. Before he could reply, Jake was interrupted by Tsireya, who just so happened to be stopping by to see Lo'ak and Kiri. The reef girl expressed her excitement and claimed she knew the spot Kayla had mentioned and how she would love to go with. Of course, Kayla wasn't about to say no to sweet Tsireya, and that made Jake cave in and agree to let his children go with them. 

He watched the group leave with a small smile before getting back to work on strengthening a newly woven sheath for his hunting knife. He wasn't left alone for long as Neytiri had come home from a morning hunting trip she flew around the island. 

She had been silent at first, before looking around and asked, "Ma Jake. Where are the children?"

"They're exploring out in the jungle with Kayla," immediately, he felt the tension in the air, peering up to spot his mate looking fearful, her eyes glossed over in a way that made his gut hurt with guilt. He realized he should've waited until she got home to discuss whether or not she would be okay with letting their children venture out after everything they've been through, but he was hoping this would be a good step forward for all of them.

"They'll be fine, baby," he encouraged softly, "It's just like what we do on date night. It's not like I left them alone."

"I do not like the idea of them being so far away from the village."

"I promise it will be no different than when Kayla watches them at home. She's bringing them to a well-known spot to take a load off and have fun. Tsireya mentioned that she knew the place so it's not like anyone would get lost. They're in good hands."

Neytiri sucks in and lets out a shaking breath but eventually closed her eyes and nodded once in solemn agreement. Jake wanted to feel relief that she wasn't up in arms about this, but he couldn't find it within himself to feel that way. He knew exactly where she was coming from, where her thought process was. He couldn't blame her for being worried, the two of them both thinking the same thing as heavy, grieving silence filled the air. Jake immediately reached out to grasp Neytiri's hand and she clutched tightly onto him.

"Jake-- Devil Dog, do you copy? Jake?"

The sound of the long-range radio abruptly breaking the silence brings both Jake and Neytiri's ears and tails to perk up in alertness, and their eyes immediately harden to ones resembling warriors. Recognizing the voice patching through, Jake reaches for the radio and presses the device close to his lips,

"Dirty Falcon, I read you. What's going on, Norm?"

"Jake, we have a situation."

~~~~~~~~~

It ended up feeling like a school field trip as Kayla found herself with not only Spider and her nieces and nephew, but the other reef children they claimed as their friends. Once Tsireya had been invited, so were Ao'nung and Rotxo, making Kayla the single chaperone of six Na'vi children and one human.

At first, everyone could tell both the suspicious and curious nature the two reef boys felt upon being officially introduced to Spider, but at least they were civil, and they even looked surprised when Spider greeted them in perfect, proper Na'vi. It also helped that both Tsireya and Kiri were adamant about making Ao'nung and Rotxo converse with Spider, determined to make them all friends. 

Rotxo didn't appear to mind Spider at all, being the more curious one and asking the human teenager obnoxious questions that got Spider to laugh. Ao'nung, however, was a different story. He kept his distance and ignored Spider entirely, only nodding once in greeting the human boy and sticking close to the other kids he knew better. Even though the chief's son wasn't hostile toward Spider, Kayla still kept a close eye on him anyway. Tsireya and Kiri were good mediators of the group and took the lead as they traveled further and further into the jungle. Tuk was a breath of fresh air for everyone, constantly laughing and running circles around the group with excitement as they ventured further toward the center of the island, ready for a new change in scenery. 

It was Lo'ak who appeared to be the most estranged out of all of them. He had been quiet the whole way to the waterfall and only spoke when spoken to, faintly smiling whenever it was Tsireya who addressed him. However, Lo'ak was acting more closed off than usual and strayed away from the group as they walked. Kayla made sure to keep an eye on her nephew as well, knowing that his situation at home wasn't the most ideal. Lo'ak was purposely spending time out of his family's marui as of late, either seeking Spider out and hiding away in Kayla's hut with his childhood friend, or he tried blending in with the reef children and was constantly hunting or helping out with chores around the village. He was practically doing anything to keep him away from his family and especially his father, only returning to the Sully marui to sleep and eat.

Kayla noticed how Jake didn't address this as a problem, which is why she was keeping an eye on her nephew. Even though Jake claims to finally See Lo'ak, he is still treating his son much like before. If Kayla was anyone else, she'd leave it the hell alone, but she wasn't. And if she needed to be harsher to her brother about it, then by Eywa, she was gonna do it. She'd do anything for these kids, and that even surprised her to admit that.

It was easy for her to reach out to the children. Her nieces and nephews gave their hugs and trust to her willingly, without trepidation, almost immediately upon meeting her for the first time. Maybe because of that, it was easier for Kayla to accept their hugs and trust when she confidently knew they thrive on receiving touch as well as giving it. Even children who weren't as familiar with her, like the reef children, gravitated toward Kayla, either because she was unique-looking as an avatar, or she was just more laid-back and unserious compared to most adults they knew. For Spider, it was a healthy mixture of both.

For adult humans and Na'vi, it's different. Mature and aware of how the world works, Kayla would rather try to shield the children from the horror of life for just a little while longer if no other adult was going to do it. 

The waterfall was tall and led down into a quiet, beautiful lagoon. Animals scattered from their water hole when the Na'vi children appeared, and Tuk laughed as they ran away. Immediately, the reef children encouraged the others about what to do by shoving one another to get to the water first, jumping high, and splashing into the lagoon. Spider and the Sully kids laughed and soon followed, even climbing up to the very top of the waterfall to jump down from once Kayla was confident that the water was deep enough to do so. 

Kayla watched the kids play in the water while also exploring the waterfall herself, venturing into and standing in the small alcove hidden behind it. Curious, she whoops and lets her voice echo off the walls of the small cave, and the sound rang in her ears. She smiled as an idea struck her, heading back out of the alcove and rejoining the children. None of them appeared to notice anything until she approached them, first going to Little Tuk and pointing out the waterfall.

"Go behind there and scream and laugh as loud as you can. Come back and see if your sister heard you or not."

Tuk giggled excitedly at what she assumed was a game her aunt had in mind and ran toward the waterfall. The teenagers look between Kayla and Tuk curiously but don't mention anything as they watch the youngest child of their group disappear behind the waterfall. It took a few minutes, but Tuk reemerged, out of breath and grinning as she skipped over to her sister, "Kiri! Kiri! Did you hear me?" 

"No, I didn't," Kiri smiled encouragingly at her sister before taking a glance at her aunt.

Kayla smiles, tilting her head toward the waterfall, "You next, Kiri."

"Yes! You next!" Tuk drags Kiri out of the water by the hand, "I'll come with you! Let's try to scream as loud as we can, and if anyone out here can hear us, then we win!"

The Sully girls go behind the waterfall while the rest of the teenagers stare questionably at Kayla. She only shrugs, flashing a smile of understanding at each of them, "You kids have been through a lot lately... I thought maybe you'd like a place to scream out your frustrations without anyone hearing you. Only if you want, but I think you need to let some things out."

When Kiri and Tuk return, the other teenagers glance at each other with knowing expressions. Spider whispered Kayla's intentions to Kiri when she still looked confused, and in response, a grateful look took over Kiri's face as she nodded at her aunt.

Tuk was none the wiser as she ran up to Kayla, "I wanna do it again!"

"Go ahead, sweetheart."

"Will you come with me, Auntie?"

"Of course."

After that, one by one, each of the teenagers decided to slip away while the others were playing in the lagoon to have a few minutes alone behind the waterfall. When each of them returned, they appeared relaxed, lighter than before, and acting their age. Kayla internally pats herself on the back, calling it a success, especially when Ao'nung had loosened up and shared a short conversation with Spider.

If anyone noticed Lo'ak's eyes were puffy and red when he returned from behind the waterfall, they didn't mention it. They only smiled because he was smiling again.

They must have been there for hours, but eventually, Kayla called it a day and everyone was much too tired to argue. On the way back as they trekked through the jungle, Spider kept close to Kayla's side, instinctively keeping a watchful eye out as they walked through the trees, in case something decided to try and grab at the weakest link in the group which at the moment was Kayla with a sleeping Tuk on her back, making her slower than the teenagers. Something caught his eye while they walked, and it was Kayla's songcord swinging in the wind from side to side each time her leg moved forward. He noticed the cord was longer than he had last seen it, the end now sporting a wooden bead and a shell soon after.

"That's new," he simply states. 

Her ear flicks in his direction, and he watches as she looks down to see what he is referring to. Sunlight was right above her, casting a shadow over her face, but even Spider could catch a sudden shift in her expression. If he had blinked, he would have missed the shift. It was there one moment and gone the next, but he noticed a smile on her face, full of fondness, before she shook herself out of it relaxed her expression, and replied, "Yes."

The shift was all he needed to know, "Who gave it to you?"

She squinted her eyes curiously as she looked down at him, "What made you think it was given to me?"

"Answering a question with a question. Isn't that what you soldiers call 'deflecting?'" He smirked.

He didn't expect her to laugh, but he felt secretly pleased with himself when she did, "Touché, kiddo."

~~~~~~~~~

As they reach the village, the reef kids realize what time it is and decide to depart, needing to return home to their families. Kayla and the Sully children thanked them for their company and the fun day before waving them off and returning to their own marui.

Only, it wasn't much of a warm welcome. Upon entering the home, Kayla immediately noticed Neytiri's absence... and the murder set in Jake's eyes.

He huddled near the radio, waiting for the rest of his family to return home as he tried to figure out how he was going to break the news to them. In the meantime, Jake had sent Neytiri away to let out her rage and grief. He knew it wouldn't have been a good idea if she had stayed for this conversation. When Kayla and the children entered the kelku, Jake's murderous gaze immediately greeted Kayla. She froze when she was the first target of that glare, and once the teenagers saw Jake, they froze in the doorway as well, immediately scared with their backs straight.

Kayla kept still as she watched Jake's eyes. She only relaxed a little as she came to the conclusion that Jake's anger wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but he looked vengeful and was aging beyond his years. He looked like a broken man, a father who lost it all. He looked so grim with his eyes nearly staring up at Kayla through his forehead. She knew that whatever happened... it wasn't good.

She sets down Tuk and quietly asks Kiri to take her. She walks up to Jake and keeps her voice down in case he wants this kept between them, "What's wrong?"

His eyes flicked to the kids standing around behind his sister, all of them looking confused and worried other than the bleary-eyed Tuk. He glances back at Kayla and deeply sighs through his nose before deciding to keep his voice at a normal, steady tone. He thought the kids deserved to know, too, 

"Norm just called. They intercepted some RDA radio chatter. Quaritch is alive."

No one dared bat an eye as the news sank in, frozen in place and staring at Jake as if he had murdered a puppy right in front of their eyes. The air turned rigid and eery all around Kayla, the air sucked out from her lungs as though a bucket of ice water ran down her back. She swallowed thickly, trying to react as neutrally as possible... hoping that out of all the times Jake could possibly read her like an open book, this wasn't one of those times. 

Kiri's voice was the first thing that rang out, "Spider?"

Kayla's spell is broken and she immediately unfreezes, whipping around in search of the human boy in question. She finds him instantly as he reacts fast to Kiri's question, pulling away from the group and backing up toward the door. Spider looked frightened and ashamed, his breath irregular as he took one hand and grabbed the opposite elbow, eyes wildly flicking between everyone in the room, Kiri, Lo'ak, and Jake most of all. He looked cornered, despite the doorway now being directly behind as he would not stop backing away. He looked absolutely horrified, and the guilt only ate him alive when his two best friends stared at him with worry and confusion, unaware of the damage he had done.

"I-- I'm sorry."

Jake's eyebrows furrow and his tail twitched, "What--"

"It's not your fault. Spider," Kayla consciously places herself between Jake and Spider, finally finding her voice in the growing tension of the room. Spider turned his body and gazed to the doorway, ready to bolt as Kayla found herself raising her voice, "Look at me--"

The order makes his back stiffen and Kayla internally lashes at herself for ordering him around so formally like a soldier when that wasn't her intention. Slowly, however, Spider finally peered back up at her, and she tried to soften her gaze and voice, "Don't." 

Jake finally rose to his feet, his presence right behind his sister and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, "Kayla, what are you-?"

"It's my fault."

All eyes return to Spider, and he forces himself to stay still, the smallest one in the room. He keeps his eyes on Jake, trying to relay what he is trying to explain with just one look. Jake analyzed him, eyes slowly squinting in confusion until Spider could see something click behind those dull, yellow eyes. He saw the denial set in first, then the bargaining, then the anger... and then it stayed that way. Jake's eyes begin to harden, and Kayla is suddenly very aware of the raging volcano slowly starting to brew behind her but she refuses to look back. Goosebumps ran down her back and every instinct told her to run, but she kept her feet planted and her eyes on Spider, trying to talk him down from his ledge with just one look.

Lo'ak is the first to ask. He wasn't known for being observant, but as Tsireya had claimed, he was a quick learner. Lo'ak looked between his father and his friend and realized that something had happened. Something unforgivable. Despite possibly already knowing what it was, Lo'ak had to ask... in case he was wrong, "Spider... what did you do?"

Kayla felt a large hand completely envelope around the circumference of her arm and she winced when that hand gripped on tightly and spun her around. She bites back the yelp that nearly escaped her lips as she's being stared down by the enraged Toruk Makto.

"You knew?" Jake accused in a low, deep voice.

She couldn't help it. Her eyes widen in fear, for once, of her brother. As much as she wanted to lie to prevent him from glaring at her like that... she couldn't afford for that rage to turn onto Spider. She rolls her lips, her voice raspy and betraying her bravery, "I... Yes, I knew."

Something snaps in place inside Jake's eyes, a harsh growl eliciting from the back of his throat, "Come here." 

His grip only tightened further around Kayla's arm as he dragged her out of the marui, away from the children who now shook in fear of their father and for their aunt. Kayla wished she hadn't just been paraded around in front of them like that... secretly afraid as though she had angered her own father.

He pulls her out and harshly shoves her in front of him to confront her. Kayla immediately tries to bargain and plead her case before he could get any bright ideas, "But-- you don't understand--"

"Yeah? Enlighten me then," he snarled.

"You can't just ask a kid to leave his own father to die-!"

"You're not his mother, Kayla!" Jake finally roared, the volcano bubbling over.

"I don't care!" Kayla roared back as her fear gave way to anger. Suddenly the volcano was met with an unforgivable tsunami, "He's just a kid! All of them are just kids! You can't expect them to fall in line and be your perfect little soldiers for a war that YOU started!"

Jake seethed and pushed back, "He's old enough to know that he's responsible for his actions."

"Maybe, but even grown-ass adults refuse to admit their faults, present company included," the intended lashing hit dead-on, earning Kayla a wince from her brother. She didn't want to claim that victory over him, however, as the tightening viper in her chest began to unravel, "You say I'm not Spider's mom, and you're right. But you're not his father. Hell, you barely even father your own kids, so why should you father a kid who's not even related to you?"

"Don't you start--"

"You're a good dad to your daughters. Fine. I'll give you that. But you're too hard on Lo'ak, now more than ever. He just lost his brother for fuck's sake, Jake. You of all people know what that feels like!" She screeched.

"Lo'ak is the older brother now. He needs to learn to be responsible for his sisters."

"Oh, like how you were such a great, responsible brother after Tommy died?"

Even Jake's anger gave way to a slight feeling of discomfort and maybe even fear as Kayla suddenly began to laugh in such an unhinged manner, the maniacal grin she gave him sent chills down his spine, "Really? We're adding lying to the list now? Did you treat Lo'ak like a failure because he's reckless or because he's just like you? 'Cause, that's what I see. He's just like you, Jake, and that terrifies you because you know he'll screw up again and again. Just like you."

She took a step forward and Jake took a step back. He wished he hadn't, as his fear only made Kayla smile more, "So tell him that. Tell him the truth. Tell him how Tommy was the golden son, not you. You were never the golden son, not even when you became a marine and lost your legs for your dedicated service. Tell him how you were always the disappointment. Tell him how low you got in life when your brother was murdered and how you abandoned your sister when things got too hard."

Jake tried to regain the upper hand, needing to get this conversation back on track, "This isn't about me or Lo'ak. This is about Spider--"

"I wasn't finished," his jaw clamps shut when his sister's eyes bore into his, the viper in her chest now baring its venomous fangs, "You left me to die on that god-awful planet. From my experience, I know that Lo'ak and Spider would never even think of doing that to someone, let alone their own sisters. I believe Spider saved his father for the sake of being kind, compassionate, and merciful—three traits I doubt he inherited from the sperm donor. Spider is no savage. His doesn't kill as needlessly as you once did."

"He spared a monster's life--"

"Can you blame him? After what Neytiri had recently put that kid through?" Jake's ears lowered at the mention of his wife, and while Kayla wanted to be proud of her brother for always wanting to defend the woman he loved, she couldn't abide by that. She continued before Jake could even try, "Quaritch tried to save Spider from your wife. Can you honestly blame a child for saving the life of someone who was actually looking out for them for once in their young life? Yes, Spider may be young but he's also good. He wouldn't just let someone die, no matter how terrible and not if he could help it. That wouldn't make him any better than Quaritch."

"Kayla, I don't think you're hearing what I'm trying to say. Spider saved the man who promised he'd come after me and kill my whole family if I didn't kill him!"

Kayla's physical fangs made an appearance as she placed the blame entirely on a third party, "Then maybe you should've done a better job at killing him! I was there, Jake! I heard him loud and clear."

She finally closed the distance, prodding an angry finger into the center of Jake's chest as she seethes out, "You don't get to tell me how to parent. You don't even know how to parent, so you don't get to tell me when and where I can protect Spider. You can't even protect him from your own wife, so why should I trust that you have his best interest at heart?"

Moving around him, she definitely shoulder checks him on the way back into the marui, unaware of the wince that briefly succumbed his face, but he didn't react apart from that. He didn't even turn around. He only listened to the sound of her stomping feet, growing further and further away from him.

Kayla was on a mission as she sped back to the marui, only stopping her charge when Spider cut off her path, the human teen storming away as both Kiri and Lo'ak were seen exiting the kelku to chase after him, "Spider, wait!"

Kayla panics a little inside when Spider doesn't even react to his friends calling out for him. She reached out and gently grabbed his shoulder before he escaped too far, "Heyheyhey-- Spider? What's wrong--"

"Just leave me alone!" He screams and Kayla's instant reaction is to let go of his shoulder as if she had injured him. She took a step back like she had been shocked, frozen as she caught a glimpse of his face through his breathing mask, seeing the obvious red cheeks and angry tears uncontrollably slipping down his young face. 

Kayla tried her best to relax, regain her patience, and hide her anger toward her brother so Spider wouldn't misunderstand. Breathing deeply, in and out, she tried to speak in her best, soothing voice, "... Okay."

At first, Spider looked shocked before it immediately melts into anger and frustration, his teeth seething out his aggravation as he glared at her, "Shit-- Why do you have to be so understanding?!"

"I just-- I want to help you, kiddo--"

"Just leave me alone! Please!"

He had raced off without ever giving himself the satisfaction of seeing Kayla's expression crumble into defeat. Kiri approached her aunt at this moment, briefly grabbing her hand as she moved to follow her oldest friend, "I got this, Auntie. Spider, wait!"

Kiri continues to chase after the human teen, while Kayla helplessly watches them both eventually disappear into the center of the village, beyond her sight. 

Spider wasn't expecting Kiri to continue following him. He thought he'd lose her in the village, but by the time he reached the edge of the jungle and moved further in, he knew his attempt to escape detection was futile. Eventually, he caves in and waits for his friend to catch up, all the while he tries to calm down, his conflicted emotions fueling his panicked, harsh breathing.

"Please, Kiri, just go--"

"Sucks for you, Monkey Boy, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," Kiri immediately starts off when she finally caught up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "We just got you back--"

Spider huffs in disinterest, "After how long? Weeks? Months? Why couldn't-- Why didn't--"

Kiri could see Spider struggle with his next words. She could tell how angry, betrayed, and confused he was trying to express, and eventually, she figured out what he was trying to say and managed to voice his questions for him, "Why did we run instead of going to look for you?"

He didn't say anything, just trying to catch his breath. His silence was answering enough for the Na'vi girl as she continued, "I wanted to. Badly. But Dad believed you would be safer as long as you were away from us. And if we left, you would be even safer."

"That's bullshit." He glowered, still seething behind his mask.

Kiri's ears lower, a sentiment she felt in regard to Spider's statement. She had once thought the same when her father relayed that same excuse to her when he first told her that it was impossible to save Spider and that they were leaving the Omatikaya.  

She nods in agreement, "... Only a little. Dad thought that if we took off, then you couldn't tell the Sky People where we were."

The betrayal wins over control of Spider's expression, staring up at her with such pain and disbelief, "I would never--"

"I know. I know," she was quick to reassure while taking another step closer. She managed to pull him further toward her until her arms were fully wrapped around him, her chin resting on the top of his head. She lowered her voice to something soft and soothing, "I wish we tried harder, Spider. I really do, and I'm so sorry."

She moves her hand up to gently grasp the back of his head, "But Kayla didn't give up. No, she stayed in the forest and kept looking for you, even after we had left for the ocean. She was so determined to find you, especially after she earned her ikran. Dad said that she even wanted to go after you, alone, when they heard you were sited at reef villages in the south."

Silence followed and if he currently wasn't standing stone-stiff in her arms, Kiri would've thought he had fallen asleep. The sounds of the flora and fauna around them were calming all of Kiri's senses, and she tried to bleed that feeling into Spider, gently tightening her grip around him.

Finally, Spider caves in, his shoulders slouching in defeat until he finally allows himself to lean into his best friend's embrace. His thoughts sounded far away as he spoke, "I... I wish she found me sooner."

The words haunt Kiri, her mind trying to wrap around everything that those words could possibly mean. She squeezes him a little tighter as she mumbles into his hair, "Spider... what did they do to you?"

Silence filled the air once more until he managed to settle on one word, "Nothing."

Kiri pulled away and Spider winced thinking he had upset her. But she doesn't move very far, only so that she can meet his eyes, her hands resting on both of his shoulders, "War orphans stick together, remember? You're my brother, Spider. You may not be able to see it, but I wholeheartedly believe that. You can tell me no living being will ever know."

He wanted to tell her everything. So badly it almost felt like it could burst out of his chest at any moment. He wanted to share certain parts he initially left out when he tried catching her and Lo'ak up on everything he had seen while captured. He wanted to explain why he has nightmares, and why he's afraid of waking up in a cold, sterile room. He wanted to tell Kiri that he saved Quaritch for more than just pity or kindness. How the man, no matter how terrible, saved Spider's life more than once, or at least saved the boy from unimaginable pain and torture.

The thought of those white lab coats immediately sends Spider's mind into a spiral. That awful, bright, and blinding machine, spinning rapidly around his head, his eyes forced open to watch as he began to feel the blood drip down his nose... his memories forcefully being ripped away from him...

The only thing that stops his nightmares from continuing is the thought of Quaritch, the man who stopped that machine from eating away at the boy's mind.

Spider wanted to tell Kiri everything... but the fear of her not being able to understand was much stronger, "I... I can't... I'm sorry."

She squeezed his shoulders reassuringly, "Don't be."

"No, Kiri--" He corrected himself, letting out a shaking breath, "I'm sorry for letting Quaritch go. Neteyam-- Quaritch-- He held a knife to your throat."

"And my mother held a knife to yours. We're even."

It was meant to be a joke, but it quickly fell flat on her tongue once his posture changed right before the last of the sentence even left her lips. He bristled like a scared cat, eyes hard with a flat tone of voice that made Kiri instantly regret her words, "That's not funny."

"You're right. I'm sorry..."

He pulled away despite the hurt expression on her face. He pointedly avoids looking her in the eyes, "I think I need some space... please..."

"Okay. Just... whatever you decide to do, at least tell us first... Please?"

"Yeah... okay..."

~~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly, Spider finds himself alone for the first time in who knows how long, sitting comfortably up on a large branch while watching day turn into night over the entire island. He's met with the familiar silence he often found himself in back at home in the Hallelujah Mountains, but lately, he hadn't been familiar with the concept. It was likely that the last time he was by himself was when he found Quaritch at the bottom of the ocean and lifted him up to the surface. Ever since then, he was always in the company of someone else, either Kayla or the Sullys.

He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, if he was being honest with himself. He wasn't sure if it was because of his time spent with the Recoms, but it almost felt as though everyone in this village was keeping a close eye on him, even the Sullys, people he knew he used to trust with every fiber of his being... but now that trust has been questioned. 

He wasn't blind. He noticed how on edge Kayla always appeared when he and Neytiri were in the same room. 

He didn't want to believe he was a hostage, especially not with his childhood friends and companions... but it honestly didn't feel that different compared to when he was with the Deja Blue Squad. Spider didn't want to make a comparison, but much like the Sullys, Quaritch never let him out of his sight.

So, he took this breath of freedom to his full advantage, climbing from tree to tree, swinging from branch to branch until his arms and legs ached. He felt alive again, even laughing to himself. When he finally sat down to watch darkness slowly encompass the island and the bioluminescence come to life, he was able to finally breathe his own air, even if it was only through his mask. A moment of freedom, to be himself without walking on eggshells around everyone he was with. Then again, he knows it's not real freedom knowing that no matter where he went, he was stuck on this island with the Sullys, and maybe they knew that, too, which is why they're letting him believe he's alone, even if only for the night.

The paranoia was going to eat him alive, he was sure of it. The fact that he could no longer blindly trust the family he's always desperately wanted to be a part of was killing him. And now that they knew he spared Quaritch's life... he felt as though he could never let his guard down around them ever again. 

Apart from Kayla. Spider felt safe enough around her to believe she'd understand, and she did. She didn't fault him for his choice when he initially told her. Kayla was the only one who didn't truly understand the full extent of Spider's parentage, even though she had been told, but since she wasn't ever hurt by Quaritch the way everyone else who lived on Pandora before her was, she didn't have that pain that kept her from fully accepting Spider. 

Not that it was any excuse to neglect a child for the sins of their father. Spider knew that. He knew it was wrong, the way he had been treated, but up until recently, he couldn't fault anyone for it... or maybe he just never let himself believe he could on the off chance everyone would fully accept him one day. 

Hearing Kiri talk about how Kayla never gave up on him, how she searched for him relentlessly even when she had no reason to, made Spider feel both relieved and guilty. Relieved that there was at least someone out there who pitied him enough to know that he didn't deserve this and needed to be rescued, but guilty that she had to be the one to do so. She wasn't family to him. She had no ties to Spider and no reason to care for his safety and well-being, but she did, nevertheless. He wasn't sure how to feel about an adult who didn't have any familial relations to him all of a sudden give a damn about him, mainly because he didn't want it to be out of pity. 

Kayla clearly wasn't his mother. Spider had a picture of his mother taped to the ceiling above his bunk when he was living with his foster family for years. He knew his mother's face and he knew her name. Kayla wasn't Paz Socorro, back from the dead. 

... But he would be lying to himself if he didn't think about it. He had wondered a time or two if Paz were alive, would she be like Kayla? Worse? Better? He didn't know when he started comparing his mother to Kayla, but once he realized that he was, he was ashamed of himself and forced himself to stop. Spider didn't have a mother anymore. He wished he did, and that's why he knew he was allowing Kayla to look out for him a little too much.

In the eyes of the Na'vi, he could be considered an adult... but he wasn't Na'vi, as much as it pained him to admit it. He was human, and from what he's learned, kids his age barely had to worry about anything past schoolwork and who was going to take them to prom... whatever that was. He heard Kayla mention a prom once but wasn't fully listening. Whatever it was, it made Norm and Jake laugh, reminiscing their old human lives back on Earth for a little bit.

Kayla was a firm reminder that Spider was a human child and should be able to act as such. She's been trying to drill that into all their heads, adults and children alike. She wasn't exactly hiding it as she continued to berate how Jake parents his children and how he makes them grow up too quickly. Spider admired her for that... but almost despised it whenever she came to his defense because he knew he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be treated or coddled like a kid... not after what he did.

He didn't deserve to be loved and cared for.

He sucked in a sharp breath, horrified by his own thoughts. Suddenly he was too scared to be left alone, and so he raced through the jungle and back to the direction of the village. 

It was late, so he thought if he snuck into Kayla's kelku, she would be asleep and he wouldn't have to try and explain himself. The thought of her catching him after he snuck out was both terrifying and... strangely domestic. He actually felt himself smile at the idea of Kayla berating and lecturing him for sneaking out and not coming back until the late hours of the night.

But that didn't happen. Instead, when Spider walked into the marui he'd been calling home for a little while now, Kayla was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. To ignore his conflicted emotions, he took the time to fish out his rations when his stomach rumbled in protest. He takes a deep breath as he switches his breathing mask out for the cannula nose tubes that are always stashed inside the exo-pack for emergencies, slowly breathing back out and in through his nose once he feels the familiar tickling feeling of oxygen run through his nostrils. 

He eats his dinner in silence, looking around the marui to find that Kayla's failed project of a "bookshelf" is still lying there, looking pathetic. His chewing slowed as he remembered how embarrassed and frustrated she looked when she wasn't able to make this pod feel "homey." He had been confused by her attempt to make this place feel more comfortable and home-like, and now, after everything Kiri told him, Spider wondered if Kayla was trying to do all this for him? For his sake?

It was suddenly hard to swallow his food and Spider relinquished the idea of eating, setting his rations aside and brushing his hands together. Something settles in his mind, determined and unrelenting. He forced himself not to overthink as he marched over to the sad excuse for a plank of wood and lifted it up, inspecting it. No, he wasn't known for putting together furniture that didn't come with instructions, but he wasn't thinking about it anyway. He was pretty sure the shelf was a lost cause and he could show Kayla how to properly decorate a Na'vi home tomorrow. But for now, he fetched his knife and began to carve out a small shape into the wood.

He had been crouched over his small project when Kayla had finally returned home, exhausted and after nearly spending all night worrying herself sick over the kid she placed in her care. She stopped in the entryway, however, when she recognized the small human painted in blue stripes, casually working on something in his hands whilst he rested on the heels of his feet, as if he had never left. Spider looked up at her entrance, and when Kayla peered down, she noticed his knife in one hand and a small, rounded bead in the other.

Sighing in relief, she stepped forward and knelt beside the teen, reaching out to gently hold the back of his head but stopped once she reminded herself not to do so. She pulled her hand back and Spider watched her carefully, trying not to appear cautious or worse, appear as though he wanted Kayla to reach out and comfort him.

"Spider..." She eyes him down with a careful inspection until she's satisfied that he's not physically hurt, "Are you okay?"

He nodded because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to lie properly if he spoke up.

Kayla relents after that, leaning back and breathing out another sigh. He goes back to work on his bead once he realizes she won't be asking any further questions. She watched him work instead, now curious once he successfully finished the bead and was now moving on to adding it to a familiar piece he kept on his loincloth.

"Is that your songcord?" She asked.

Spider nodded again, "Yeah."

"It's beautiful. What's the significance behind the new one?" She indicated to the new bead.

Spider paused, trying to figure out how to answer without actually giving it away. He briefly found himself glancing back over at the bookshelf he left in the corner of the room, the one Kayla had tried to make with her bare hands, the one she was trying to use to make Spider feel more at home, the one that now had a chuck missing because Spider wanted to commemorate it onto his songcord. Finally, he answered what he knew would be vague, but it was still the truth, 

"Safety." 

He bowed his head in shame, following up with a soft mutter under his voice, "I'm sorry."

With his songcord forgotten, she somehow knew he was talking about the events that transpired today and she immediately reassured him, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Spider."

"Yes, I do. I was such a jerk. Like you said-- you're only trying to help me. But I keep getting you in trouble with Jake--"

"Nope," she immediately shut that thought process down, anger blooming inside her, but not because of the teenager in front of her. She made sure her reassurance was heard loud and clear, firm and confident, "You're not. What Jake and I have going on has absolutely nothing to do with you, kid."

He carefully peered up at her, "... Family differences?"

She snorts dryly, "That's putting it lightly."

"Still. It's a little annoying that you won't accept an apology from me. You're a bit too understanding."

Kayla smirked, "Tough."

"I'm almost convinced I could get away with murder in front of you."

"I mean-- If it's necessary..." he's startled into laughing and Kayla smiles at the sight. She finally gains the courage to reach over and pat his knee, "I'm only human. To be human is to be flawed."

His laughter dies down, but the humor remains. He flashes a fox-like grin, his voice teasing, "Sucks for you humans, doesn't it?"

Kayla laughed through her nose as she feigned a stern, motherlike voice, "Okay, smartass, go to your room."

"This is my room!"

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla wasn't sure if Neytiri had been told that Spider saved Quaritch, but just in case, Kayla made sure that Spider was nowhere near the Na'vi woman and none the wiser so he could enjoy a good fishing lesson with the Sully kids and Tsireya.

Well, the Sully kids minus Lo'ak. Jake decided it would be a good idea for his son to join the adults in this discussion, much to Kayla's distaste. She wasn't sure if Jake was just being petty and rubbing it in her face, or if he genuinely believed that Lo'ak was grown up now and needed to be a part of this instead of being outside and hanging around other Na'vi his age. 

Nevertheless, as Kayla stands near Lo'ak in their family marui, Neytiri tries discussing what measures they'll need to take to send Spider home and Jake silently listens. Kayla made the smart choice to keep Spider away from the kelku today as Neytiri was nearly ready to go out on a tirade... hence why Kayla stood close to the door. Neytiri wanted to scream and curse when she initially discovered who was responsible for Quaritch's life, and then she proceeded to ramble about sending Spider back to the Forest, whether to leave him with the Omatikaya or have the Sky People deal with him.  Whichever option they choose, Neytiri follows up with the comment that Spider couldn't stay here anyway because he will run out of much-needed resources soon.

While Kayla knows that Neytiri is just trying to get rid of him, the Na'vi woman makes an excellent point. Spider needs human food, medicine, and of course other supplies such as spare masks, none of which are provided here and are limited to what she had stashed away in her own marui.

"What if they capture Spider again?" Jake tried to reason with his wife, though it wasn't for the same reason as Kayla, which angered his sister, "Now that he's been to this village, he'll know where to lead the Sky People for the next assault because they're not going to stop just because we took out the Recoms."

Kayla snarled, her arms tightening around her chest as she glared at Jake, "Spider didn't give away the Omatikaya and he's not going to give away the Metkayina."

"Of course, he would!" Neytiri hissed back, pointing an accusatory finger at Kayla before Jake could retaliate, "He's the reason my son was--"

"No, Mom. It was me," all eyes turned to Lo'ak and the poor boy looked as though he was holding back tears. His voice shook as he forced himself to continue, "I convinced Neteyam to stay and help me save Spider. If... If Neteyam didn't come with me, it would've been me instead. I had the gun. It should've been me."

Kayla carefully turned back to catch Jake and Neytiri's reaction, and she was not disappointed. Both of Lo'ak's parents appeared horrified, staring down at their son as if he said the most horrific thing imaginable. 

Lo'ak lowered his gaze, not wanting to read into what their expressions meant, whether his parents were horrified that he got his brother killed or if they were horrified that he would blame himself and wish the roles were reversed. Either way, he couldn't stand being in that room for a second longer, sheepishly tilting his head toward the exit as he peered up at Kayla, "Auntie... can I talk with you outside for a minute?"

She nods and doesn't spare a second glance at Jake and Neytiri as she follows her nephew out of the marui. She thought they were just going to step right outside the home, but didn't question it when Lo'ak decided to lead her further away.

Once they were walking along the beach, Kayla decided to be the first to address why he brought her here, "What's up, kiddo?"

"I... wanted to thank you for what you said to my dad yesterday. You stood up for me."

Kayla stopped in her tracks, dread prickling down her body, "You heard that?"

Lo'ak weakly chuckles, "You weren't exactly quiet. I didn't mean to snoop, I swear."

She paused to think about this before realization hit her, remembering how Spider stormed out the second she returned from her argument with Jake, "Was Spider listening, too?"

The Na'vi teen's ears lowered as shame crossed his features, nodding with hesitancy, "Spider... he was pissed at me."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't angry at him."

Even that statement shocked her, tilting her head down to him, "You're not?"

"No, I..." Lo'ak exhaled slowly, guilt wracking through his mind while forcing himself to speak, "I want to hate him... I want to be angry at him for letting that monster live."

"But you're not."

"No. I'm not."

"Why?"

"I don't know," when she appeared unimpressed by that answer, he simply shook his head, "I'm serious. I don't."

She watches her nephew for a moment, his mannerisms as he looks down at his feet to hide away from the world. Slowly, she opened her mouth, "I might know. Because you already lost one brother and you can't afford to lose another."

Lo'ak's head shoots up in her direction, yellow eyes wide with eyebrows scrunching together. Kayla watched as his face began to crumble and shatter before she took a step forward and gathered the boy in her arms, shushing him softly as Lo'ak's body was wracked with soft, silent sobs.

He held on tightly to her, his voice so quiet and small, "I want to wake up, Auntie. This all feels like a bad dream; something I can't wake from. It hurts all the time and it won't stop. It should've been me... I wanted it to be me..."

"Lo'ak-- hey... hey. No," she softly comforts, her heart breaking at the state of her nephew, scared of what he was saying about himself but trying to be supportive, "Don't say that. You don't mean it."

"But I do! I convinced him to come with me to save Spider! He would still be here if it weren't for me!"

"Do you regret it?"

His cries stutter for a moment, shocked by the question as he tilts his head up, "What?"

"Do you regret saving Spider?"

"N-No."

She pushes back the stray braids he kept on one side of his head, "Even though he saved the man who was behind your brother's death?"

"I don't get it. Why are you trying to make me angry?"

"I'm not, I swear," she shook her head as her eyes started to warm and blur, the sight of her nephew so broken and grieving was a harsh reminder of the other nephew she lost, "I'm just saying... if you don't regret it, then I'd say it was worth it, and I'm sure Neteyam would, too. The fact that you would rather trade places with Neteyam than regret saving Spider tells me you don't blame Spider for what happened."

Her words both shattered and mended his heart, his cries slowing down with silent tears still running down his face. He squeezed her waist before letting go, stepping back to wipe his eyes, his breathing still shaking as he nodded, "Spider's my brother, too."

Kayla smiled gently even as her own tears slipped down her cheeks undetected, "Do you think Neteyam felt the same?"

"I think so. I just... wish nothing happened the way it did. One of the last things I said to 'Teyam before everything went to shit was how determined I was to save Payakan because he's my brother. Neteyam probably hated me for that..."

"He didn't. I'm sure of it."

Lo'ak huffed quietly, taking one hand and clasping it over his opposite elbow, "You don't understand..."

"How come?"

"Because you've never lost a brother."

Kayla's eyes widen, feeling as though she had just been slapped in the face, "Lo'ak... has your father never told you anything about your Uncle Tom?"

"N... No?"

She had never, not once, ever felt the kind of rage that just rolled in her gut, rumbling like a cornered animal. Kayla would later pat herself on the back for how quickly she had managed to shift her face into a clean slate before Lo'ak even noticed the shift in her eyes. Instead, she keeps her voice leveled, "You should ask him. Because I can tell you right now... he and I know exactly how you feel."

Either Lo'ak didn't catch onto what she was saying, or he was wise not to venture further into that viper nest. While his sobs had vanished, one stray tear still managed to slip past his detection, "Brothers forever. We should have been brothers forever..."

"Lo'ak, look at me," he does so, barely blinking when she reaches down to wipe away the tear. She managed a smile, one that showed her age as she expressed what she's known for a very long time, "The word 'forever' is not meant for people. People can't live forever. 'You know what does live forever? Memories. Stories. Songs. Those last forever, just as long as there's someone who will remember them. You and Neteyam will always be brothers, forever, even when you're no longer around, as long as there are still people here who remember you. Okay?"

~~~~~~~~~

The communal meal that night was lively and honestly, it was something the Sullys needed. For the time being, they kept the newest sign of danger to themselves and Kayla hoped that it wouldn't eventually bite them in the back. She knew eventually she and Jake would have to tell Ronal and Tonowari about Quartich-- then again, she could just have Jake do it. She technically didn't need to get herself involved as her brother could speak for all of them, but somehow, she had become the spokesperson between her brother's family and the clan leaders of the Metkayina. Kayla didn't volunteer or even detested it, but one day it just happened and she's been playing along ever since. So now that the responsibility fell onto her, she had been thinking of when would be a good time to speak to Ronal and Tonowari. 

Now would definitely not suffice as Kayla spots the clan leaders across the way, toward the head of the line of Na'vi eating amongst each other. Ronal and Tonowari were speaking to an elder, all serious and respectful, until Tsireya and Ao'nung joined them. Both leaders spot their children at the same time before gently dismissing the elder and moving to converse with their son and daughter, likely to hear about how their day went. Kayla watched openly, knowing that neither of the clan leaders could see her from her spot. It was a bit cowardly to watch them when she knew she wouldn't be caught, but she allowed herself to be selfish in this moment.

That is, until Jake interrupted her. He hadn't noticed what his sister was distracted by as he moved to sit beside her with his plate of food in hand. Once he's crouched next to her, the spell is broken and Kayla is suddenly aware of his presence and pointedly only staring down at her meal laid out in front of her. 

Jake takes a moment to settle in before speaking at a low level, "Whatever you said to Lo'ak... thank you. He looked more lively than before."

She hummed, unimpressed, "Believe me, he would've looked better if it was you."

"Yeah, well... according to you, I don't say the right things."

"As a brother, sure," she shrugged, uncaring and a bit too brutal with her words. She didn't have the energy to put a filter on it, "But you can't afford to be like that when you're a father. Unless you're trying to be like our old man."

"... That was low."

Her ears pinned back against her skull, pausing the small wooden cup of water she held to her lips before taking a sip and lowering it back down, "Yeah, I guess it was. You... never told your kids about Tommy."

Jake winced, and suddenly he was aware of the storm beginning to brew as if electricity was radiating off his sister's skin. He could feel the charge and resisted the urge to move away, "... No, I haven't."

"Are you going to now?" Her question wasn't curious or sarcastic. It was surprisingly calm, but perhaps that's what made it all the more terrifying, "They might open up to you if they knew you lost a brother once, too."

Jake found himself opening his mouth despite knowing it was a bad idea. Grace always did call him a jarhead for this, among other things, "I thought you'd be angry that I never talk about him."

"Oh, believe me, I'm furious," she eyed him up with malice in her eyes, a fire that couldn't be doused by any ocean as her own voice dropped low into something quiet yet venomous, "No one gets to defile my big brother's memory like that. No one. How would you feel if Lo'ak decided to never mention Neteyam again? How do you think his sisters would feel?"

Jake watched her face with what could be described as guilt, "You're right..."

And there they were again. At a stalemate. For a moment, things looked as though everything would get better between siblings. Now, it was back to square one. Kayla thought she could move on from what she felt regarding her brother, but when she's always so close to forgiving him, something always reels her back. Kayla was sure he was tired of this as much as she was, but neither one has been able to find equal footing, no matter how hard they tried to mend what's been broken.

Instead of trying to mend it even further, Kayla spoke as if she was resigned to it, "I'm sorry it's come to this."

He didn't need to ask. He knew what she meant, and he nodded in agreement, "Me, too. I was out of line the other day."

"You were scared. It's hard to blame you..." She shrugged, "Quaritch is still out there. He's your demon as much as Ardmore is mine."

Jake processed that for a moment, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh through his nose, "Well, the good news is we have the element of surprise. Quaritch doesn't know about you."

He didn't miss the way her tail rose to alertness or the way her ears suddenly moved to attention. She even looked guilty, eyebrows scrunched together as she cringed, trying to hide her face behind her drink as she spoke,

"Jake... Quaritch knew who I was."

He was just as alert now, "What?"

"On the ship, when we were fighting, he found out who I was."

"How?"

She reached for her collar, gently grasping the chain around her neck before lifting it up into the air, letting her dog tags slip out from underneath her crop top. They glimmer faintly in the firelight as Jake reads her name from the tags loud and clear in his head. 

"You were wearing them?"

"Old habits die hard."

Jake couldn't argue with that. He knows he was just as guilty about old habits. His hand rose to rub his eyes when he felt the muscles in his brows twitch from stress, "... I guess we're all going to have to be careful then."

"That's an understatement."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare. Another night of trying to convince himself he was safe. Spider doesn't like the fact that Kayla is always so willing to talk to him about it, even though he knows that she's just doing her best. He knows he'll eventually have to talk about it, but for now, he'll continue to wake from his nightmares and refuse to talk about them when Kayla asks about them at the moment. 

This particular night was bad, worse than the rest, and by morning, Spider was definitely short with his tone and his patience. He kept to himself, not willing to talk or indulge anyone by proxy. Kayla decided that further irritating him wouldn't be a good solution, so she offered to leave while he stayed in the marui, stewing with his ill temper.

Kiri must have tried to draw him out because a short while after trying to talk to Spider, she found her aunt in the shallow water of the reef and helped her with the net she was throwing out while she shared her concern, 

"He was tortured... wasn't he?"

Kayla glanced at Kiri out of the corner of her eye, wishing she could lie to her. The only reason she didn't was because Kiri already looked confident that she knew the answer. As young as she was, she had already been through so much-- she wasn't naive about the world, which hurt to admit.

Kayla returned to her task, taking a deep breath, "Yes, I'm pretty sure he was. But he hasn't said anything to me."

"Not to mention what my mom did to him..."

It honestly shocked Kayla that it took this long to have this conversation with Kiri. She had secretly dreaded this moment that would eventually have to happen with her niece, knowing that it would be hard to comfort her while also trying to explain her mother's actions as neutral as possible, despite her own opinion, "That woman who held a knife to Spider's throat... that wasn't your mother, sweetheart."

"You haven't spoken to her very much." Kiri simply states.

Kayla's lips drew a thin line, "No."

Not only that, but Kayla had been actively avoiding Neytiri, only tolerating the other woman's presence if she knew Spider would be forced into the same vicinity as her. Kayla knew it wasn't entirely Neytiri's fault and it wasn't fair to blame all of Spider's trauma on her, but it was easier.

Kiri accepted her aunt's short reply before quietly admitting out loud, "I was scared."

"Of your mom?"

"Yes, but mostly for Spider. For years, I tried to convince myself that my mom loved Spider in her own way, and I tried to convince Spider, too. But then she held a knife--" She winced, lightly hitting the palm of her hand against her forehead, "I feel so stupid--"

"You're not stupid, Kiri," Kayla quickly reached out to take her niece's hand, drawing it away from her face, "You're an optimist. That doesn't make you stupid. Listen. Your parents love you. They'll do anything for you."

"Yeah," the thought of all those dead bodies, the fire, the explosions, the sinking of the ship, and of course, the fear in Spider's eyes, "That's what scares me."

"It is a scary thought... but I understand how they feel. I mean-- I know I'd do anything for you kids now, as cheesy as it sounds."

"It's not cheesy," Kiri faintly smiles, "You're family, Auntie. We know you only want what's best for us."

"Yeah?" She huffs in amusement, "Someone should tell your father that."

"Would... Would you have done the same thing? If you were in my mother's place?"

Kayla peered up at the sky, a little thrown off by the question but wasn't at all surprised that Kiri was curious. She had never thought about it before if she was in her brother's position. If she was in Neytiri's position.

"I'm not sure I can imagine being in your mom's place, sweetheart. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a son. It's possible Neytiri wasn't entirely aware of her actions. Or she was. Who knows? I just know one thing. If it were me, Spider would've never been in harm's way to begin with, I promise you that."

Kiri tilts her head up and watches the sky with her aunt, not entirely at peace, but content, "I think I can live with that answer."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare and Spider couldn't take it anymore. He needed to tell someone something, and if it wasn't about what he endured within Bridgehead, then it could at least be something useful. After all, while the Recoms were learning how to be a Na'vi from him, Spider had been learning a thing or two from the Sky People as well.

He searched and found Jake and Kayla on top of the large mangrove trees, attending to their ikran, not wanting their banshees to feel neglected and unloved while they lived their new lives on the water. Everyone with eyes can see that the older Sully siblings are at odd ends with each other, but that's nothing new to Spider and the family. It wasn't any different from when Kayla first arrived on Pandora, so... even though it wasn't anything new, it was a little concerning that she and Jake were still at odds with one another. Although, maybe they were trying to get past it as they tasked themselves with the ikran.

Kayla smiled to herself while running a single hand down Thena's snout before she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, her alertness melts into an open-minded smile once she realizes who it is, "Hey, Spider."

Jake looks up at Spider's name and nods in a short greeting before the boy steps closer, hesitant, "I... have to tell you guys something. I know why the Sky People are back. I know why they're here and I know what they're after."

Despite their disagreements, Jake and Kayla are still very much the first generation of Sullys on Pandora as they both turn to look at each other at the same time, then proceed to do the same as they look back at Spider.

"We already know they want to take this world as their own," Kayla replied.

Spider simply shook his head, "It's more than that."

Jake's eyebrows furrow, "They're not mining again?"

"No. Worse. They're hunting tulkun with a purpose. Not just to piss off the Na'vi. There's uh... a liquid substance found in the brain matter of tulkun called Amrita. Apparently, it completely stops human aging in its tracks."

"What?" Jake frowned. 

"It's worth millions of dollars. They told me that Amrita is what's paying for RDA's whole operation on Pandora. The military, the city, the labor force..."

Jake stares off at the distance, deep in thought with a grim expression on his face. Kayla doesn't appear phased by the news, unsurprised by the Sky People's motives. When Jake turns to her, she voices her resigned thoughts, "I told you. Earth was dying by the time I left. Things must have gotten even worse since then if they were getting this desperate."

Jake watches her carefully before nodding in agreement, "The olo'eyktan and the tsahik should know about this."

"I'll talk to them," Kayla volunteers before Jake could even move. She pulls away from her ikran and moves to the human boy, an arm out to guide him forward, "Spider."

The teen followed her lead without question, and Jake couldn't avoid the wary, cautious glances both his sister and the boy managed to glance back at him before they went back to the direction of the village. He's left alone to his thoughts and his attention-seeking ikran.

When they reach the chief's marui, Kayla insists on speaking her piece first, telling both Ronal and Tonowari about who Quaritch is and why he is dangerous being left alive, then she lets Spider talk as he explains why the Sky People were after the tulkun. Both clan leaders listen to both of them intently, and when Spider mentioned witnessing the death of a familiar tulkun and her calf, Ronal's hand instinctively rests on her pregnant belly, horror slowly dawning on her face.

"My Spirit Sister and her baby were murdered... for this?"

Spider's eyes widen, unaware that the tulkun he witnessed being butchered was actually the tsahik's Spirit Sister. Guilt rattles in his chest at the thought of Ronal's distress, unaware of Tonowari's large hand gently encompassing his small shoulder until the olo'eyktan spoke,

"You have done well to bring this to our attention, boy," Tonowari spoke gently, waiting until Spider peered up at him before he gracefully nodded once down at him, "Irayo."

Spider nodded back, unable to think of anything else to say other than an apology when he saw how broken the once stern tsahik looked, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

He says this while looking up at Ronal, whose ears pin back as she tries to contain her composure. She almost couldn't stand the pitied look the tawtute boy graced her and she had to look away. With whatever Ronal didn't say, Kayla made up for by placing her hand on Spider's other shoulder, opposite of Tonowari's,

"You did what you could, Spider," she gently consoled.

"She is right," Tonowari adds, much to Spider's surprise and Kayla's gratification, "You would have endangered yourself if you had tried putting a stop to the murder of Ro'a. You are small and have no weapons."

Spider didn't take the chief's observation of his size to heart, still caught up on the name Tonowari called the murdered tulkun. Spider didn't know her name, and somehow that made him feel worse. 

Kayla saw the look on his face and thought he was hung up on the idea of not having any weapons, "Something that I promise we will fix. Soon."

Spider simply nodded, still distracted by the memory Ro'a and her calf while absently muttering, "I miss my bow."

"We'll make a new one," Kayla squeezed his shoulder, "A better one, okay? Why don't you head back home? I'll meet you there."

He looks up at her, then Tonowari, then Ronal. He must have seen something curious as he tilted his head ever so slightly to one side. Spider looked as though he wanted to ask a question, but instead, he just nodded in agreement and moved out of Kayla and Tonowari's space, walking out of the marui while only occasionally looking back over his shoulder.

Kayla watched him leave, a little wary that she was sending him alone through the village until she couldn't see him anymore before turning back to the clan leaders. She doesn't appear phased about the fact that Ronal and Tonowari were already expectedly looking at her as she rolled her lips, 

"The other reef villages should be told the reason behind the tulkun hunting."

Tonowari bows his head once in solidarity, "I will send word."

Kayla nods and makes a step out of the pod, but she froze with one foot still in. Hesitant, she turns back to the pair, not making eye contact as she opens her mouth, "I need to bring Spider home soon. Back to the forest. He's defenseless and he needs supplies in order to survive on the reef... should he be allowed to stay here."

When she hesitantly glanced up through her eyelashes, she was met with an untelling expression on both of their faces. Ronal is the first to answer, taking a deep breath, "... Do you vouch for the boy?"

"I do."

They exchange a look that Kayla is too exhausted to decipher before Tonowari speaks as he turns back in her direction, "He's a good child. Loyal and brave. If he wants to stay here, he will need to learn our ways."

She feels a tightness in her muscles that she didn't know was there begin to deflate and relax, her lungs expanding more than usual. Her faint smile grew more, gratitude evident in her eyes, "Copy that."

Ronal purses her lips to refrain from smiling back, "Let me know when you intend to leave. I will be sure to provide any provisions you need."

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~

A few days flew by with not much to call home about. There was still a live mine of an aura around Neytiri, so everyone purposely kept Spider away from her. Instead, the Sully children would go to Kayla's marui to visit with him or to take him away for lessons or explorations. Spider was delighted to learn he would be taught more about the Metkayina's way of life after Kayla explained Tonowari and Ronal's acceptance of him. He didn't want to get his hopes up, knowing it sounded too good to be true, but he didn't want to let the clan leaders down, let alone Kayla, so he didn't say anything and eagerly followed Tsireya and the Sully children to any lessons they were just as eager to teach him.

Kayla tried her best not to chaperone these lessons, knowing that being a helicopter... guardian wasn't what Spider needed. So, she'd see him off every day to wherever his friends had planned for him and leave them to it, at least comforted by the fact that the Sully children wouldn't let anything happen to Spider, and Tsireya and the other reef children were starting to feel the same way.

That afternoon, she found herself running her thumb over her songcord, sitting down to finally come up with the lyrics to tell her life story. She struggled and didn't get very far by the time Tuk pranced up to her kelku.

"Hey, Auntie? Max is on the radio. He's asking for you."

Kayla smiles and gets up, placing a hand on her youngest niece's head, "Thank you, sweetness. Is your dad around?"

"He's out fishing with mom and the olo'eyktan."

"Alright. The other kids are just down the beach. Go on ahead and I'll see you later."

Tuk runs off excitedly while Kayla makes for the Sully marui. She finds herself alone when she gets there and she crouches down in front of the long-distance radio, pressing it to her lips, "This is Desert Fox, you have the green light."

"Hey, Kayla, it's Max."

"Hey, Max. Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine except for, uh... except for one thing. You haven't broken your link in a while and your body's vitals are... well, I don't feel comfortable with how low they are.  You need to come back, and I don't mean just breaking the link and waking up. I need you to bring the avatar back so I can get a proper assessment of both bodies."

She taps her finger against the talking piece as she chooses her words before responding, "Did Norm put you up to this? Normally, he's the one to call."

"Right now, Norm is... pissed off, to say the least. He figured I would have a more level head when talking to you."

"I understand," she sighs heavily, a headache already forming at the idea of having to face Norm's wrath, "I need to bring Spider back anyway. Tell Norm we'll be there tomorrow at about 1600."

"Copy that. Over and out."

~~~~~~~~~

When Tuk had mentioned Max's call to her father, Jake couldn't afford to wait to hear from Kayla about it and went looking for her, concern at the front of his mind. He finds her in her marui and stands in the doorway with hesitance when he notices the bags full of necessities on the floor in front of him. Kayla looked up as she was neatly placing Spider's rations in an easily accessible pouch, to which Jake's ears fell,

"Are you... packing?"

She nods, "Max had called while you were out. He says I've been away too long. I'll take Thena and fly back in the morning."

"Oh... are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I gotta go back. I shouldn't have stayed away from my human form for this long, you know that. I'll take Spider with me." 

When Jake flinches and looks as though he wants to argue she immediately adds, "He needs to recuperate and Norm and the others need to see him. They've been so worried, Jake. You need to share the boy with the people who actually raised him."

"No, it's fine. I understand that part. It's just... with Quaritch out there... and now that he knows who you are... it doesn't feel right. He'll have every reason to take both you and Spider."

"I can take care of Spider and myself. I've handled worse than Quaritch, and he wouldn't harm Spider. I'll bring him back, but for the time being, he needs to go home and I need to stretch my human legs."

"So you will come back?"

There's a hesitance in his voice, a small hopeful tone that makes Kayla look away out of awkwardness, "Jake..."

"Right," he corrects himself with a nod, "Don't talk about it."

"No. Do talk about it. But not to me," she managed a small glare in his direction, "I'll come back and I better hear that you and Lo'ak talked."

"About what exactly?"

"Jesus Christ-- Anything, Jake," she snarls out of frustration, staring up at the ceiling as if begging Eywa to clean her brother's ears, "Everything. And make sure he knows that he's not just a replacement."

His eyebrows furrow as a growing need to defend himself begins to form, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean... when exactly did you first start to See Lo'ak? Before or after his brother's death?" Jake's eyes slowly widened as his sister's words bore a hole in his chest. Kayla makes sure her disapproval shows as she continues, "He might not think your parenting is genuine at the moment because you're probably just nurturing Neteyam through him."

"Shit. Okay. I'll talk to him... Are we good?" He motions a finger between the two of them.

"We're getting there," she answered simply, not in the mood to open up another can of worms before she had to leave. She didn't want to say how long it might take for her to finally see eye-to-eye with Jake, but she wanted to. Not enjoying the silence that lingered after her short reply, she took a steady breath in and out of her nose, gaining the courage to look up at him, "Do you... want me to tell everyone about Neteyam?"

His eyes widen a fraction more before he averts his gaze, the broken expression almost unbearable for his sister to see as he stares off at the wall beside him, "If... If you could. I understand if you don't want to."

"It's fine. Leave it to me."

~~~~~~~~~

Thena wasn't overjoyed by all the weight she would have to carry over the ocean, and she showed her distaste by gently nibbling Kayla's shin as her rider was strapping the bags of supplies onto her back.

"Ah," Kayla hissed as she moves her leg out of her ikran's reach, batting her softly with the end of her tail, "Frickin' drama queen. You're going home so quit complaining."

The banshee squawked in retaliation, shaking her neck before huffing loudly through her nostrils as Kayla would say-- dramatically. The ikran was resting on the beach of the village with a small crowd of Metkayina standing around to see Kayla and Spider off, their friends and family included. 

Jake was on the other side of Thena, pulling and testing out the saddle, harness, and straps to ensure a safe flight, "Remember to take more frequent stops on the way back. She's not used to carrying so much for such a long distance."

"You got it."

"Still got your compass?"

"Check," she expresses as she indicates to the mentioned object, resting against her leg at the end of her songcord.

"Alright. Fly safe. Have Norm radio us when you get there."

He makes a step toward Kayla, then stops, his hands hesitating at his side before he just decides on firmly nodding. It almost looked as though he was going in to hug her, but decided against it when her shoulders hunched up at the idea. The siblings awkwardly stare at one another before Kayla walks around him and mutters, "See you later."

"Yeah..."

She moves to join Spider where he stands in the sand, his arms folded in front of him as he cautiously watches the Sully children out of the corner of his eye. Kayla peers over at her nieces and nephew, and can see how downtrodden they look, watching both her and Spider. 

She offers them an encouraging smile before standing before the human teen. Kayla pinches the bottom of Spider's mask where his chin would be, making him look up at her as she gently whispered, "Hey. We'll be coming back sooner than later. I promise it won't be long. So chin up and go tell them that you'll see them soon. You don't have to say goodbye."

Slowly, he nods and walks away, toward Lo'ak, Tuk, and Kiri. Kayla watched as the siblings all surrounded Spider in a warm, tight hug before she heard the sand moving behind her. Turning around, she was met with Ronal and Tonowari approaching her, and she courteously greeted them by pressing her fingers to her forehead and lowering her hand down in their direction.

Tonowari mimics the motion to her as well with his free hand, his other one gripping his tall harpoon. The olo'eyktan kept a straight face, though Kayla was getting better at reading his eyes, those light blue orbs with specks of green. While he appeared to stand tall and proud over his people, his eyes told a different story, at least to Kayla. She could see a small hesitance in his gaze, trying to remain strong as he solemnly addressed her,

"Safe travels, Makayla te Suli tsmuke te Toruk Makto. Your home here will anxiously await your return."

Kayla bows her head respectfully, forcing down any color threatening to spread up her face. Her eyes dart to the woman standing next to him, catching Ronal's green orbs with specks of gold. The tsahik kept her face firm and blank, though her eyes briefly glanced Kayla up and down in a way that sent the avatar woman down a tunnel of yearning. Ronal's gaze alone was almost enough for Kayla to change her mind and decide to stay on the island for another week.

She quickly regained her words when her mind stuttered, her lips feeling dry as she spoke quietly, "Thank you, ma olo'eyktan. Ma tsahik."

It took a lot of willpower not to step back as Ronal boldly stepped into Kayla's space, grasping the avatar woman's hand in both of her larger ones. Kayla retained eye contact with the tsahik, trying not to crumble under the heat radiating off of the other woman's body, or at the very least, try not to visibly show how both of the clan leaders' presence affected her. 

Ronal didn't even blink at this violation of unspoken space between them, lowering her voice for only Kayla to hear, "Eywa ngahu."

Kayla did her best to swallow her nerves and smiled ever so slightly once the words translated into her head. Almost regretfully, she finally steps away from Ronal, gently pulling her hand out of hers and swiftly turning her back to walk toward her ikran. Even as she walked away, Kayla could feel two pairs of eyes on her, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up, but in a more... exciting and promising way. Not like the discomfort she once felt when the clan leaders had first laid eyes on her.

Spider had already finished talking to the Sully children and patiently waited for Kayla beside Thena... but at a safe distance since the ikran was eyeing him a little funny. He wasn't entirely watching Kayla as she approached him, his eyes distractedly flicking between her and the clan leaders watching her depart. He doesn't say a word as Kayla encourages him to climb onto the banshee. He does so, while repeatedly looking back curiously at Ronal and Tonowari. Kayla followed him up onto her ikran's back as she reached her tswin out to form tsaheylu with her loyal steed. Kayla looks around the crowd one last time, from her brother and his family to the clan leaders who had accepted her into their village. She looked away and got comfortable on the saddle, making sure Spider was hanging onto Thena's neck from where he was situated in front of Kayla before ordering in her head for the ikran to take flight.

~~~~~~~~~

By the time the island of Awa'atlu disappeared behind them, Kayla and Spider silently prepared for their long journey ahead. They had to find rock cliffs all throughout the flight so that Thena could rest, more times than when Kayla first flew her out over the ocean, but neither avatar nor human complained, taking the breaks to stretch their legs before they would eventually have to hop onto Thena's back once more.

It was getting dark by the time they began to glide over vast trees and floating mountains, but the world of Pandora was just as bright at night as it was during the day, if not more beautiful, so Thena had no problems as she flew up higher into the Hallelujah Mountains, already knowing her way home.

Even though the mountain appeared inconspicuous, Kayla knew they were at the right spot. She heard a horn blow before she even noticed a single Na'vi, but once the horn had sounded, a chorus of yips and cheers gave away the High Camp's position. A cave was spotted along with torches beginning to light up to beckon her in the right direction, so Kayla grasped Spider's shoulder and instructed Thena toward the cave where she had begun to make out shapes of Na'vi waving her in. 

Thena quickly lands the moment the landing zone is cleared, too tired to continue carrying all that weight for a second longer. Spider got off first before Kayla followed suit, breaking the tsaheylu and immediately tending to her ikran, running her hands up and down the beast's neck as thanks while supplying the banshee with plenty of raw meat. The floor of the cave felt cold and familiar beneath Kayla's feet as she looked around at yet another familiar growing crowd as they swarmed around her and Spider. The Omatikaya are all chatting around one another as they stare the two newcomers down, but they appear more relaxed and even happier to see them than ever before.

In the back of the crowd, Kayla caught an accent that wasn't Na'vi, "Look! It's Spider!"

And like dominos, other voices reacted as they drew closer, gently pushing the Na'vi out of the way to get to the human teenager who now perked up at the sound of familiar voices,

"Spider!"

"You're okay!"

"Good to see you, kid!"

"We're so glad you're safe!"

The allied humans, scientists, military, and everyone in between, with smiling faces covered in breathing masks, surround Spider to inspect him and hug him. He faintly smiles at all the familiar faces, adults he had known his whole life, greeting him like he was visiting for the holidays, marveling at how much he's changed.

One of the humans broke away from the group when she spotted the familiar avatar woman beside Spider, a young woman with dark, curly hair as she waved up to the avatar in question, "Kayla!"

"Hey, Jocelyn," Kayla's smile widened into a genuine joy to see her friend, "How's everything?"

"Doing well. It's so good to see you!"

"Makayla Sully!"

"Shit," Kayla mutters when she hears that familiar voice behind her, sounding pissed off. She sheepishly spins around and smiles as if she had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar, "Hi, Norm."

"'Hi, Norm.'" The man in question scoffs mockingly in his avatar form. For someone so lanky and overall nice, Norm Spellman can come off as terrifying when he's pissed, yellow eyes narrowing onto Kayla, "'Hi, Norm?' What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Listen, Norm, before you chew me out..." Kayla cuts off the tirade he no doubt had for her, hand out to stop him while looking around, "There's something I need to do first."

Norm nearly opened his mouth to protest, but then he looked down at Spider and noticed a grave expression on the teenager's face. Spider's gaze meets Norm and shakes his head, all the while Kayla continues looking around the crowd until she finally spots who she is looking for.

Amidst the chaos of everyone greeting Kayla and Spider, she hadn't seen Mo'at approaching until now, and whatever expression Kayla had on her face made the older Na'vi woman very cautious upon walking up to Kayla.

"Ma tsahik," Kayla bowed her hand to her respectfully, despite the grave expression on her face. It felt wrong to call her that. It felt like she was disrespecting Ronal somehow by calling Mo'at that, despite everything the Omatikaya woman had done for her.

"What has happened, Makaylasully?" Mo'at doesn't bother greeting, not once she saw something terrible flash in Kayla's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Mo'at... I wish I wasn't the one to tell you this."

~~~~~~~~~

Mo'at's cries of anguish could be heard all throughout camp, shaking the very foundation of their stronghold, and once word spread throughout the clan, more cries rang out, mourning over the loss of who was once their future olo'eyktan, who was still a child, echoing off the cave walls. 

The Omatikaya had all flown off to the Tree of Souls to mourn Neteyam, while Norm and the other humans attended to Spider and Kayla.

Along with the heaviness in her heart, Kayla felt almost ill when she opened her eyes and was met with the soft-glowing ceiling of her link gurney for the first time in-- god, how long did she stay in her avatar form? Weeks? Months? It's all beginning to bleed together for her now. She waited until the gurney's lid hissed and opened before she removed the censor cage keeping her body in place, taking her time sitting up. 

Which she immediately regrets as her arms threaten to give out when they push her torso up into a sitting position, cold and shaking. She wasn't able to restrain the weak groan she let out as her eyes strained and a headache formed right away, her vision dotted and dizzy. When looking down at her feet dangling off the side of the link bay, the woozy feeling in her stomach makes itself known, and suddenly her mouth begins to fill with saliva.

'Shit!'

Kayla leans further over the side of the gurney and vomits all over the floor around her, continuously gagging until her stomach contents are emptied. She spits and gasps for air, now suddenly aware that someone is standing beside her, holding her hair out of her face-- when did her hair get so long?

"Dumbass," Norm mutters, now human and now keeping Kayla's hair up as she continues to dry heave. He's still pissed at her, but it's somehow lessened from both the news of Neteyam and the state Kayla was currently in. 

She had to agree with him when she felt her body begin to shake and a thin sheet of cold sweat started to form on her skin. Eventually, she's unable to vomit anything else out and just gasps for air, tears running down her face from how forceful that episode took over her body. 

It takes a few minutes, but once she's calm, Norm helps her stand on her own two feet. He hands her an oversized zip-up hoodie, and when she questionably looks at it, he explains, "You're a mess, Kayla. If you don't want to freak Spider out, you need to wear that."

Once she catches her reflection on a nearby surface, she finally understands why. She's horrified by what she sees.

For one, she wasn't ready to see a human female with pale skin, a pointed nose, and light eyes staring back at her, nor the lighter shade of hair compared to the dark, braided locks she had on her blue-skinned avatar. Her human hair was greasy, knotted, and had grown down her back, unlike the kept hair she used to have cut to her shoulders when she first arrived on Pandora. What was more terrifying with how much weight she had lost. Her pants were loose around her waist and her muscle shirt was now baggy, her arms definitely less toned than she remembered. While she had always been pale, she now looked too pale, almost sickly.

By the time she was able to process her appearance, Norm had cleaned up the mess. When he was done throwing away the soiled rags and washing his hands, Kayla finally snapped out of it and zipped the baggy hoodie up over her form, quickly brushing her hair out with her fingers and pinning it up in a tight ponytail. Once she's straightened herself out and is fine with walking on her weakened legs, Norm gives her a disappointed look but says nothing, leading her out of the lab and down the hallway. He stands off to the side of the small medical room the human rebels made as the doors slide open, letting Kayla in first before himself.

Spider and Max look up from whatever conversation is interrupted by Norm and Kayla's entrance. Spider was sitting up on the slab meant for "patients" while Max was asking him concerned questions, questions that Spider wasn't all too happy talking about and was remaining closed off for the time being. He was thankful he didn't have to wear a breathing mask at least.

"Hey, Max," Kayla croaked before quickly clearing her throat and smiling to mask the hoarse tone in her voice.

"Good to see you, Kayla," Max smiled warmly, though she didn't miss the way his eyes shined with concern behind his glasses. Her vitals must not be the only thing he's worried about now.

Kayla quickly looks away and expertly ignores the tension in the room as she approaches Spider, "Hey. How 'you doing?"

"Alright." He responded robotically, eyes squinting at her human form once more and a little cautious about what he saw. 

She remembers that he always preferred her avatar over her human form and huffs with amusement, shrugging in her baggy hoodie which made her look so small, "Yeah, I know. I look weird."

"You're not the weirdest-looking human I've met."

She snorts, "Charming."

"But you look different from usual," Spider's eyes scanned her face knowingly, "You look sick."

Guilt rumbles in her gut, realizing she couldn't exactly hide anything from Spider, the ever-observant kid. She feigns a smile of reassurance, "I just need a bit of sun. It's exhaustion from being stuck in that can for too long."

Norm scowled as he moved to join the group forming around Spider's spot on the cold slab. He wasn't impressed with Kayla trying to lie to the kid and playing off the fact that she was vomiting all her internal organs out mere moments ago, "That 'can' is the exact reason why you look miserable Kayla. That weeks-long stretch of neuro-link that you just pulled was stupid and unhealthy. You should've come back the second after you guys defeated the Sky People. I should've pulled your plug the second I realized you hadn't come back in weeks. You shouldn't be separate from your body for that long or you'll start to deteriorate in that gurney," he reaches out and shoves his pointer finger into her forehead to make sure she got the picture, "This body needs to eat, drink, and move just as much as your avatar or you'll eventually wither."

"Okay. I'm sorry," she bats his finger out of her face, sighing in defeat, "I promise I won't stay away that long again."

"Yeah, and just to make up for your stupidity, I recommend staying here for three weeks."

"What?" Spider exhales, eyes widening in distraught.

Kayla's eyebrows shoot up, "Three weeks?"

"Until the both of you are properly evaluated, rested, and healthy again, you're not going anywhere," Norm sternly ordered, glaring between the woman and teenager. Kayla seems to understand that this is the consequence of her actions and nods in hesitant agreement, while Spider, on the other hand, appears a little defiant. 

"But... I want to go back." Spider found himself saying, even shocking himself when he did so.

All eyes turn to him and Kayla is the first to open her mouth, eyes shining with sympathy, "Spider--"

"Hold on, you wanna go back to the reef?" Norm speaks up, his grim expression replaced with a surprised reaction as he stares owlishly at the boy, "Why would you? Jake and his family will come back in time, won't they?"

He turns his attention to Kayla, who shrugs, "As far as I know, they plan on staying in Awa'atlu."

"Do you?" He asked.

"Yes."

"But... Spider--" Norm cracks his neck from the number of times he's looked between Kayla and the teen in question, "You'll be the only human."

Kayla frowns at the implication that Spider would be alone, "I'll keep him safe."

"It's not about that, Kayla," Norm shook his head, "I trust you. We all trust you. It's just... the islands are hundreds of miles away and he's human. The seawater is low on the pH scale and can be acidic if a human is exposed for too long. He can get chemical burns."

Doubt clouds her eyes as she stops to think about this, realizing that she has never thought about it before. She cautiously peers over at the other scientist in the room, "... Max, is this true?"

Max was watching the interaction silently up until this point, and while he shared the same concerns as Norm, he was more optimistic in his explanation, "Only if the pH scale is super low and only if Spider doesn't immediately take precautions after getting out of the water. The Metkayina's tsahik likely has something to treat him with. It's also very likely that the kid is immune to most potentially dangerous Pandoran elements after the amount of exposure over the years. He's got tougher skin than even you do. He might be fine."

"He's still not immune to Pandoran air," Norm counteracts while sternly looking between the other two adults in the room, "He needs his oxygen mask on at all times and has to have several spares on hand should something happen, you know that. He can't eat Pandoran food, and he doesn't have a kuru. He's unable to connect to the land, water, and animals unless he's with a Na'vi at all times."

"And he will be," Kayla confidently replies.

"Does he want that?"

Kayla's eyes narrow back at Spellman, "Ask him yourself."

All eyes return to Spider, and while he doesn't like it when people talk about him as if he's not in the room, he hates when all the attention is turned onto him even more. He lowered his eyes to watch his lap as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, all the while admitting under his breath, "I want to go back. Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk need me. And I need them. Kayla wants to go back, too. She wants to stay with her brother's family."

A thought crosses his mind and his lips turn up into a smirk. He raises his head and knowingly grins at the woman in question as he jokes, "It doesn't hurt that the olo'eyktan and the tsahik show an interest in her." 

The room deafens with silence, Kayla's jaw nearly falling to the floor in shock by Spider's boldness. Both Norm and Max glance between the two and each other, interest and surprise forming on both of their faces.

Max voices his interest with a faint, equally teasing smile as he glances over at the only woman in the room, "Oh, really?"

Kayla was trying to figure out when and where Spider made such an assumption, her eyes never leaving his until she realized he did this on purpose to get the attention off of him. Finally finding her words, she screwed up her face and playfully snarled at the teen, "Boy, shut up. That's not true."

"No?" Spider's grin only widens, "So gifting beads and shells for your songcord isn't a form of interest? Or taking you out on a date?"

"It wasn't a date. And I never said Ronal gave me that seashell."

The smugness practically radiated off of Spider as he raised a single, knowing eyebrow, "I never implied Ronal was the one who gave you the seashell."

Realizing she had been caught, she felt heat spreading over her face as she frowned, "Has anyone ever told you you're too smart for your own good?"

Spider laughed as Norm's eyes widened further, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find the right words to describe where his head was at. Instead, he shakes his finger at Kayla before looking back at the teen in front of him, "Okay, we're gonna put a lid on that conversation for just a minute. Spider, you're welcome to choose where you stay, but don't choose on anyone else's behalf but your own."

The amusement falls from Spider's face, looking away to avoid Norm and Max. He was glad he got a choice, but the fact that Norm appeared so hesitant made the teen feel a little angry and betrayed, remembering all the times he didn't have a choice and when he was captured, "Kayla kept looking for me. She actually tried. Where were you?"

Norm's face falls, "We did try, Spider. We really did."

"But we're just a small group of scientists," Max adds, his voice quiet and soothing.

At first, Kayla could tell that Spider didn't look all that convinced, so she came to her friends' aid, "It's true, kiddo. They tried to help me find you. Norm went out searching with me whenever he could after I earned Thena."

Only when he got Kayla's reassurance did Spider relent the anger and betrayal he felt, glancing between the two men he'd known all his life, "Okay, fine. But I know I'll be safe as long as Kayla is there. She's always had my back."

When he spared a glance over in her direction, Kayla looked surprised and touched, a smile threatening to take over her face as her eyes sparkled at him. Spider looked away, but internally he felt himself smile as well. 

~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days go by and Max and Jocelyn are tag-teaming to run as many tests as humanly possible to make sure Kayla, her avatar, and Spider are healthy and able to make the long journey back out over the ocean. 

Kayla got the diagnosis that she expected. Her human form was weak from the little use of movement, eating, and drinking. Norm was never going to let her live this down as he continued to berate her throughout the duration of her stay. She was given strict instructions to follow a proper diet and exercise, practically forbidden near a link bay until she regained a healthy weight. 

Spider, all things considered, is a picture of health. That is... until he mentioned the vivid nightmares he had been having during one of Max's assessments of him. When asked if he wanted Kayla in on this conversation, the teenager caved and accepted, realizing he would rather tell the woman who had his back than the scientists surrounding him. Kayla was summoned and Spider finally talked about the torture he went through at Bridgehead, mentioning the machine they forced him into called a NeuroSect scanner. He described what the scanner did to him, how it spun quickly around his head with blinding lights, making him dizzy and scared. It felt as though it was probing his mind, collecting brain data while Ardmore questioned him about Jake's location. He described how his head throbbed to the point his nose began to bleed, then Quaritch turned the machine off and Spider blacked out for a split second, his eyes having rolled to the back of his head.

Kayla kept her expression neutral, but on the inside, she felt as though she could scream at the top of her lungs, wanting nothing more than to stomp back into Bridgehead and throttle Ardmore until the bitch's own eyes rolled back and her nose bled. See how she liked it.  

But instead of giving in to her anger, Kayla gently thanked Spider for trusting her to know this, and he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he sheepishly asked, "Just... don't ever tell Kiri, okay?"

After the vivid description of Spider's torture, Max confirmed that the nightmares were probably a lasting symptom of what his brain went through. Once Max had Spider confirm that he wasn't suffering from any more nosebleeds or migraines, Max was relieved as he stated that he should be fine. When Spider asked about the nightmares, Max assured him that with time, they'd go away, and that visibly got Spider to relax.

~~~~~~~~~

The conversation that Kayla was dreading had finally come up one night when Norm had her accompany him over to the edge of High Camp, overlooking the vast drop below them, accentuated by large waterfalls. With both of them wearing breathing masks and carrying lab equipment, Norm instructed her on how to take a sample off of a plant near the edge of the cliff, watching proudly as Kayla didn't even bat an eye as she crouched over the cliff, hovering over the plant in question. He remembered her first day at High Camp and how she was nervous to even be near the edge, knowing there was nothing below to catch her. 

As they worked, Norm nonchalantly asked, "So. Tonowari and Ronal have been giving you gifts, huh?"

Kayla groaned, lowering and shaking her head in defiance, "Spider is exaggerating. They brought me to the Spirit Tree so I could visit Neteyam and gave me a shell to add to my songcord."

"Kayla. That's no ordinary gift," Norm scoffed, amused at how naive she sounded, "Na'vi are gifted songcord beads or items when they succeed their Iknimaya or if another Na'vi was trying to court them, otherwise, they collect those items themselves or their parents do before they're old enough."

She stayed silent for a moment, continuing with her task of taking samples of the alien plant. She didn't dare look up to meet her friend's gaze as she finally spoke, "I'm trying not to think about it."

"Why? 'Cause it's too good to be true?"

"No, because I'm not-- I... I'm not..."

"If you're about to say 'not worthy', I'm going to dropkick you off this cliff." Norm threatened with a frown, arms crossed in front of him as he faintly glared down at her.

Kayla finally looked up then, a small smile visible on her lips as she tried not to laugh, "Threatening people is my love language, stay off my territory," she offhandedly commented before she looked out over the vast view of the forest below the floating mountains, her mind as far away as the ocean she couldn't even see but knows it's there, waiting for her, "Even if Ronal and Tonowari were interested, it's a bad idea. What would their people think of their leaders if they shacked up to someone like me? And it's not just their people. What about their kids? Ao'nung and Tsireya are around the same age as Kiri and Lo'ak, not to mention they have a baby sibling on the way. Norm, look at me, do I look like I know anything about children?"

He squints at her as if she grew a second head, "Is that a trick question?"

"Infants," she further reiterates, standing up to semi-meet his height, "Do I look like I know anything about infants? I was the baby of my own family. Even after my parents died, Tommy and Jake raised me. I have never learned how to be a caregiver."

"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

She scoffed at how quick he was to reply, rolling her eyes, "Oh, and you hear a lot of dumb stuff in your profession?"

"Kayla, I was working alongside your brother years before you ever showed up. Your brother was the dumbest thing in the world next to the large group of scientists he surrounded himself with. Up until now, I thought he was gonna die still claiming that title."

She deadpanned at his teasing expression, "You really know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?"

"At least Jake wasn't afraid of getting with a Na'vi. What's stopping you from one-upping him and getting with two?" She snorts at the joke, looking away again as he continues, "And so what if they have kids? You're clearly great with children-- don't deny it," she clamps her mouth shut nearly a second after she opens it. 

Norm carried on, "It's not like every first-time parent goes in knowing exactly what they're doing. Who knows. You might have your own kid at this rate."

She squinted her eyes with suspicion as she slowly turned her head back in his direction, "If you're talking about Spider--"

"I'm not this time. I mean, obviously, Spider looks up to you as his guardian, but I was talking about you having your own rugrat with Tonowari and Ronal if you so wish."

Kayla's eyes briefly widen behind the glass of her mask before the shock quickly disappears. Norm felt his whole body grow cold when his friend reacted negatively to the statement, her eyes hardening to something grim and impassive as she crossed her arms and looked back out over the wide open sky,

"It's not possible."

Norm's concern was heard in his voice when she didn't look back at him, "Why not?"

"Because Ardmore made sure that was never a problem," Kayla robotically answered, having memorized what she had been told back at Bridgehead until it was engraved into her mind, "My avatar form was sterilized when they created her in a lab. Ardmore had always been thorough and checked off everything on her potential threat list and she made sure that this was one less thing to worry about."

She didn't see the way Norm's face dropped, eyes widening in horror as the news sunk in. He looked as though he had just been punched in the gut, watching Kayla as she already looked so... defeated, as she had already taken the time to accept this fact about herself. Norm was starting to wonder if she was ever going to tell anyone about this or if she was going to take it to her grave. Either way, he didn't want to squander the trust she had in him if he was truly the first one to know about her secret. He wanted to feel honored that she told him at all, but it didn't exactly feel like a secret worth being proud of.

"Oh. Oh, Kayla--"

"Don't," she sternly replied as she turned back to him with fire in her eyes, "Don't you dare pity me. I knew about it this whole time and I didn't care, so don't pity me when this was a choice that I made."

"Did you though? Did you make that choice or did Ardmore make it for you?" He was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know. 

"... At the time I didn't care. Kids weren't a priority for me. I came to Pandora to help Ardmore with her little experiment and in return, I could find Jake's remains to bring them back to Earth. That was it. I didn't want kids."

He caught onto her words and stated bluntly, "You keep using the past tense."

Kayla's eyes lower beneath her mask, "... I don't need a child."

"But you want one?"

"I already have one," she finally declares, now a small smile on her face when she comes to terms with it herself, "I have Spider. I have Lo'ak and the girls."

"... You can have Ao'nung and Tsireya, too. And someday, maybe even Ronal's baby."

She appeared to ponder this for a moment before sighing, "Nevertheless... I have more than enough. I have more family now than I thought I'd ever have back on Earth."

~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks went by a lot faster than both Kayla and Spider could anticipate, and once Max gave Kayla the all-clear to link back to her avatar, both she and the teen she was in charge of were starting to get excited to return to Awa'atlu. 

While she had been spending so much time on being healthy and gaining weight, Kayla felt as though she completely neglected some people around High Camp. Apart from Jocelyn, Kayla never got to catch up with Txe'la and Meui and how the three of them have been. Once back in her avatar, she didn't want to miss any more chances and took the two Na'vi men back out hunting like the good old days, and even managed to convince Tarsem to go with them when he was free from olo'eyktan duties. 

While hunting, the Omatikaya men were catching Kayla up to speed on recent events. Apparently, there's a resistance camp full of humans who had come to Pandora in the second wave of the Sky People invasion. There was an avatar and even Na'vi living among them, one of whom came to visit the Omatikaya. Tarsem spoke of a Na'vi who was originally born from the Sarentu clan, a clan known for their stories and democracy but had since been wiped out by the Sky People. However, a small handful of Sarentu survived and grew up, now fighting to protect Pandora from the same people who murdered their families. 

The Sarentu Tarsem spoke of sounded brave and determined to protect their home, jumping from clan to clan to ensure their alliance. The Sarentu's words moved Tarsem when he spoke to them, explaining to Kayla the importance of seeing a clan believed to be extinct suddenly return to bring the clans together. Kayla was amazed by the story, faintly thinking in the back of her mind how she would have to tell Jake about this.

Another individual Kayla felt as though she was neglecting was Mo'at. After everything the Omatikaya tsahik has done for her, Kayla wished she could somehow return the favor. She had started by mourning Neteyam with the older woman, knowing that the grief was fresh in Mo'at's mind and she shouldn't be left alone with it. Kayla did her best to tell Mo'at how everyone was back across the ocean and how they were thriving among the Metkayina. Once Mo'at was told how Neytiri was struggling, she stomped down her grief and got to work, half listening to Kayla's stories as she worked on her project.

Spider was waiting outside the lab for Kayla when she returned from visiting with the tsahik, the teen casually lying across one of its support beams as she approached, swinging one leg off the edge of it. He kept his face blank while staring down at the avatar form he was far more familiar with than the human one, 

"How's Mo'at?"

"A little better," Kayla sighed heavily, "Though she's been working tirelessly on a shawl for Neytiri so that I could bring it back to the island with me." 

"A mourning shawl?"

"Not exactly. She knows Neytiri already has one but she wanted something specifically for her daughter... a gift from one grieving mother to another." Kayla didn't miss the way Spider ducked his head at her words, avoiding eye contact, "What's wrong?"

Spider slowly sat up, watching his legs swing down over the side of the support beam as he hesitantly muttered, "I... I know I shouldn't... but I miss Neteyam."

Her heart squeezed painfully at those words, sad to see this child so conflicted over the loss of someone so young, "Why shouldn't you miss him?"

"Because I don't deserve it, especially after I let the one responsible for his death get away."

"Spider, we've been over this--"

"I know. But-- still."

She sighed, looking around before deciding to pull herself up onto the beam and sitting down beside the teen, looking up at the cave's ceiling, "You know... for at least the first week without 'Teyam... I felt the same way."

Spider turned his head to look up at her, "Really? Why?"

"Because I wasn't his parent... or his sibling... I was the estranged aunt who only entered his life a year prior. I wasn't extremely close to him as maybe you and Lo'ak were... so I felt as though I didn't have the right to miss him."

Pain passes through Spider's face as he lowers his head again, "... Neteyam and I weren't close."

"No?"

"I mean... when we were younger, sure, but we haven't been for a while. That's why I didn't feel as though I had the right to mourn him."

"Can I... ask why?" She questioned carefully.

"I want to say it was because he was starting to learn all the responsibilities of olo'eyktan, but I know I would be kidding myself. I think he started to distance himself because he wanted his parents to be proud of him."

Kayla caught the hidden meaning immediately, forcing down a wave of rage, "His mother, you mean."

"... Yes."

"I'm sorry, kiddo," she spoke softly, her hand rising to move a dread out of his face, but immediately placed her hand back down before she gave into that impulse, "If it's any consolation... I know he still cared about you."

She didn't miss the way his chin quivered underneath his mask, his eyes stubbornly staring dead ahead as his vision blurred, "It's not."

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~

Rations, masks, mouthwash...

Kayla was going over the list Max gave her several times over, making sure she had all of these essentials for Spider packed and strapped to Thena's back. There were human drinks, food, medicine, and so much more that even she guiltily forgot about. She was ashamed to think she was ready to let Spider stay in Awa'atlu when the kid actually needed a lot more than the bare essentials she managed to scrounge up for him.

Double-checking her harness and straps, Kayla gently places a hand over Thena's nose before stepping away, joining the crowd that wishes to see her and Spider off. Spider stood beside Max as Mo'at was handing him down some healing properties.

"Koaktutra," the tsahik placed a small wooden cup covered in a matching lid in Spider's hands.

Max noticed Kayla's confusion so he elaborates, "Goblin Thistle. Antibiotic balm."

Mo'at nodded to Max's explanation then handed another small mixture to Spider, "Pxorna'."

"Episoth," Max explained, "It's got amazing skin rejuvenation properties, and I think it'll help Spider when he goes into the water."

He takes the mixture from Spider and holds it up to the teenager's face, "As long as you remember to slather yourself in this stuff every night after a long day of swimming, it should help prevent skin cancer and chemical burns. These salves have proven to be safe for human use, I promise. If I happen to visit the island again and I don't see any changes to your skin, then maybe we'll be able to cut the episoth back to once a week and eventually even less so if your skin grows immunity to the pH levels. Until then, every night, bud. 'You got it?"

Spider huffs and rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I got it."

"Good. And just in case--" Max then holds up a remedy of his own, a small plastic yellow tube that makes Kayla snort with amusement at the sight of it. Sunscreen. 

Spider's upper lip twitched at the sight of the tube and half glared at Max, "Seriously?"

"Humor me."

"Fine."

Kayla laughs at their antics and takes the remedies from them, bringing the supplies over to Thena and safely packing them away in their bags. Mo'at takes a moment to place a gentle, withered hand on top of Spider's head and they both exchange a warm smile.

Norm, in his avatar, approached Kayla to help her out and hugged her when they were all set, "I am going to give you a week before I start calling and nagging at you to break your link again, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kayla huffed as she pulled away, unaware of the knowing smile Norm bore as he looked between her and Spider, clearly thinking how similar they already were in words and mannerisms.

"And-- tell Jake everything's okay here. Tell him not to worry."

Kayla smiled then and nods, "Of course. I'll see you in a week."

She moves to say goodbye to Mo'at, the two women gripping each other's arms in departure as they silently speak to one another. Kayla then fistbumps Max and waves to everyone else before gently knocking her knuckle against the glass of Spider's mask, 

"You ready?"

"Yeah." Spider grins.

"Alright. Then let's go home."

A/N: I… don't think I have anything to say. I mean, it's a lot all in one chapter so I'm sure there's plenty to say but I can't think of anything ;) stay tuned for more soon!

[mahi-does-some-art]

That homoerotic friendship post is Sakuya and Mahiru lol especially early on

LOL YEAH IT IS!

Before Mahiru picked up Kuro and knew Sakuya was a vampire!! Literally that line Sakuya has about after hanging out and having fun as a part of the school quartet, his want for blood just got worse because of his feelings about it.

Honestly its not just Mahiru, its also Ryuusei and Koyuki.

Like yes, Mahiru is the one Sakuya crushes on but hes not the only one he had a genuine connection with! Its all three of them!! And Ryuusei and Koyuki are equally as oblivious as Mahiru was!

God, i need to see more fics or art of those two being clued in on all the vampire shit going on. They both genuinely and deeply care for Mahiru and Sakuya and canonically miss Sakuya. I want those two to end up searching and digging through things and sniffing out enough pieces of a story they arent privy to to confront the both of them and leave no room to wiggle out of the conversation.

Its gonna be uncomfortably as hell and they arent gonna be happy to confirm that a majority of their memories with Sakuya are fabricated, but its not like their gonna shun him for it either. These are the two Mahiru grew up alongside after all. They grew up together so of course they'll share the same sentiment of caring for Sakuya dispite what he did.

Honestly that conversation would also be one Sakuya comes out of all bloody and stuff from while the rest of them are more relieved to have him back lol.

[tumblezwei]

I'm gonna make a kind of pretentious rant rn bc I saw a post I didn't like so bear with me

So like, there's this post I saw. it starts out with "finally figured out exactly what it is about the 'stop complaining about the lack of women in shonen anime, if you want stories with strong and interesting female characters shojo is right there' argument that bothers me so much" and then it says this

I'll be honest, the biggest annoyance here is calling shoujo and shounen "genres." And to me that just shows that even though OP seems to get the actual intention behind the above statement, they still have some fundamental biases against shoujo that makes them think all it has to offer is "girl stuff."

Like, look at the comparisons they give. Princess Tutu and Madoka (which isn't even confirmed a shoujo) vs Naruto and MHA. Ask literally any shoujo fan for a rec that compares to Naruto and I can guarantee you neither of those above will be the first to cross their minds. Because surprise surprise! Shoujo does, in fact, contain as much deep, complex, and interesting stuff as shounen! And that even includes action! I can give you so many examples of a shoujo being mistaken for a shounen (cough Banana Fish cough) or a shounen mistaken for a shoujo (cough Horimiya cough) because demographics are not defined borders. You can't just say that of course someone who likes action/adventure won't like the Girl Stuff. It's a reductive view of what female-centered media can be in and of itself.

But like, I get it. As someone who also grew up with traditionally masculine interests, it can be annoying to hear people say that you should try the Girl things for Girls. But I'm gonna be real here, you just straight up aren't going to get good female representation in your traditionally masculine interests unless you also show support for the traditionally feminine. Which leads into this addition to that post:

Like that's the thing about this. It's all well and good to say that boys deserve good female characters. They absolutely do and we should continue to advocate for such, but that sentiment rings so hollow when those good female characters already exist and y'all just don't want to touch them. I get that you don't want good rep for some random series, you want it for Naruto, for One Piece, for Demon Slayer. But I am stressing so much that the reason shoujo fans are so insistent that you try these other series out is because that's how you show that you want it.

Because again, it's perfectly acceptable to clamor for good rep in the series you already love, but by consuming nothing but shows/manga made for men, by men, with majority male casts, you are telling them that that's what you want.

A caveat: I'm not pointing at you the reader or OP specifically and saying "it's YOUR 🫵 fault shounen has poorly written women because you haven't read Fruits Basket," because it's obviously more complicated than just pure numbers. But it's frustrating to see people plead for y'all to diversify your reading portfolio only to get met with the brick wall non-solution of "well boys deserve good female characters too you know!!"

Like yeah! They do! We never said they didn't! But all saying that has done is plop us right back to where we started. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I supposed to do with any of this? As great as it would be for MHA to suddenly start treating it's female characters better, we both know that isn't happening. You gave us a problem and we're trying to offer a solution. So why are we the bad guys here just because you have preconceived notions of what shoujo is like compared to shounen?

And to add another caveat, it's ok to not like shoujosei stories people recommend! You don't have to like Basara or Yona or OHSHC or any other that you may have tried and dropped. I don't want it to sound like I'm guilt tripping people into being ashamed for not enjoying stuff they don't enjoy, but 9 times out of 10 the people pushing back with that kind of attitude haven't even tried. How do you even know you won't like the series we recommend if you don't even care enough to know that they aren't all one genre?

And I guess that's it. Like, at the end of the day you can do whatever you want, I just wanted to put my frustrations out there. Which is why I screenshotted this instead of rbing OP. I'm sure they want a lengthy argument just as much as I do (not at all).

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Faith

Fandom: Brokeback Mountain Summary: Jack drove all the way up from Texas when he got that call from Ennis letting him know that the divorce had been finalized. When Ennis tries to send him away without even giving him a chance to talk, he flies off the handle. Warnings: Mpreg, pregnancy, mentions of violence, mentions of homophobia, and infidelity Word Count: 3,091 Ship(s): Ennis Del Mar/Jack Twist

Archive link!

For a kid that had only ever had to drive for an hour at a time when they were traveling to his grandparents estate in the woods, Bobby was handling the trip from Texas to Wyoming very well. He had transitioned from flicking through the radio stations to find something interesting to staring out of the window to reading a book, at least until he got carsick. Jack was glad that he had been the one handling the majority of the parenting for when Bobby was young when that happened.

“Almost there,” Jack muttered as he reached down and turned on the music again. He had been turning it on and off as they passed through dead zones. He knew every single one of them, since he had been driving up to Wyoming several times a year every single year for more than a decade. Bobby had barely even noticed and hadn’t asked any questions, which was nice.

“You’ve been saying that for the past hour and a half, Daddy,” Bobby commented. He was looking out of the window again, the sickly green of his face from his bout with motion sickness now only clinging to the top of his cheeks and ears.

“Well, when the drive is fourteen hours the last two start to feel real short,” Jack replied. “Plus I gotta pee again. Ennis house may be way smaller than ours, but I know it’s gotta a place to piss.”

“You’ve had to pee every half hour. That’s why it’s taking so long,” Bobby complained.

“Yeah, well, I gotta medical reason for that,” Jack commented. He pursed his lips and then cleared his throat as he gripped the steering well a bit tighter. The thought had been on his mind since they had left their house in Texas, all the things that they’d need immediately packed into the trunk of the car. Lureen was allegedly going to mail out the rest of their things once they had a permanent address for her to do so. He hadn’t yet told Bobby the reason that all of this was happening and he felt bad for it, but he wanted to be able to give his son the entire story.

Bobby looked at him like he was waiting for the reason, and when it became apparent that nothing was coming he turned his head and looked away. Jack kept an eye on his son as they continued down the dirt and barely pathed paths that led Jack back to the man that he had always wanted. Guilt grew more and more in his stomach as he began to realize just what he had done to all of the people in his life.

He had loved Lureen like any man would love a woman, she was a good wife that didn’t nag too much but was a shitty absent mother. He had broken her heart when the truth had come out and she realized who and what he really was. He had broken Bobby’s heart by forcing him to move away from all the friends that he had made back in Texas and the family that he had known far better than Jack’s folks. He was driving to Ennis with boxes full of stuff, a story about a divorce on his ear and lips, and the biggest secret that he had ever kept in his entire life. He knew that there was a very good chance that this could end up with his heart shattered into pieces, but the money from the Lureen’s daddy sat heavy in his shirt pocket to remind him that he had a way to support himself while everything was getting figured out. 

“I want you to stay in the car with the windows up, there’s a chill and I don’t want you getting the flu before we even get to meet grandma and grandpa,” Jack said when they finally pulled into the driveway that led to Ennis’ house. While they were driving, he had been afraid that he wouldn’t be able to find the place since he had only sent postcards to it before. Given that it was the only house down the dusty road, though, it was easy to find the trailer.

“Fine, Daddy,” Bobby sighed. Jack knew that it wasn’t really fair to ask that of his son given that they had both been in the car for the same amount of time and deserved to stretch their legs, but it was important. He needed to have a discussion with Ennis without his son around, that was part of the reason he hadn’t actually told Bobby about why they were moving or the exact reasons the divorce had happened.

“Ennis Del Mar!” Jack shouted excited. Despite the anxiety and nervousness that had plagued him since that first day he had gotten himself into this situation, the moment that he saw that mop of blond, curly hair, he felt it all wash away from him at once. Ennis looked just as he had the last time that they had disappeared into the wilderness together. He had never really aged, other than more freckles than the last time they had seen each other as he began to spend more time int he sun without his hat.

“Jack, what are you doing here?” Ennis asked. He stepped away from the truck where he had been talking to someone through the window and then walked in the same path that Jack was taking. The two of them were quickly in each other’s arms, the same magnetism that they had experienced all those years ago bringing them back together. It felt right, reassuring and proper in a way that barely anything else in Jack’s life ever had before. He hoped that he got to experience that emotion again once their conversation was over.

“Well, I heard about the divorce and figured that I would come up,” Jack began.

They pulled apart from the hug and Jack’s hand moved on its own without even asking him what he wanted it to do. He was cupping the back of Ennis’ head, his fingers brushing over the longer of the golden brown curls that clung to his scalp. His eyes flicked down from the beautiful eyes that he could find himself lost in to the perfectly curved lips that he had kissed so many times before. He was a breath away from leaning forward and recreating the experience for the upteenth time when Ennis pulled fully away from him.

“The girls are in the car, s’all,” Ennis said as he pointed back towards the truck. “Got them for the weekend, so figured that we should spend as much of it together as we could. Now that I don’t get to see them every day after work outside of the overnights.”

“Makes sense,” Jack sighed. He turned back to look through the window of his own car and saw that Bobby had slunk down in his seat again. Poor boy was probably sore from the waist down from being in the same position for most of the day. Hopefully it would be over soon and both of them could go up to Lightning Flat to have an awkward dinner with Jack’s parents.

Before he had the chance to say anything else, Ennis turned them back towards the truck that he had been leaning on moments before. “Jack, these are my girls. Alma Junior and Jenny, this is Jack Twist,” Ennis introduced them with a vague motion from his hand. It was such an Ennis move that it made the longing in the pit of Jack’s stomach wrench his guts up into a ball.

Ennis turned back around, mirroring the action that Jack had done earlier by hiding his hands in his pockets. “You see why I can’t do this on this weekend? Gotta spend time with them where I can.”

“Normally I would take that and just go,” Jack said. He shoved his hands down into the pockets of his jeans as he tried to deal with the feelings that were tumultuously brewing in his chest, threatening to spill from his lips in a much less eloquent way than he wanted them to.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ennis asked. His eyes narrowed in that way that meant something dangerous was about to come. Jack had only ever seen it when he was doing something like this, objecting over a very fair offer that had been given to him by the grace in Ennis’ heart. 

Jack rocked back and forth twice on his feet just to find something more to do with himself. He was stalling when he really shouldn’t, because the matter that he was planning on talking to Ennis about was more serious than one of their dates up into the mountains. “Ennis, we have to talk about something and we have to talk about it now. If we don’t talk about it right here and now then I’m going to lose my nerve.”

The other cowboy’s eyes went wide with alarm and he glanced back to his car. “I’ll just be a second girls, promise!” he called to them as he grabbed Jack’s arm and then led them a few more feet from where they had been before. He was grateful for it, he knew that he could only admit this secret to three or four people that day and he hadn’t really counted on Ennis’ girls being one of them even if he was sure that they were perfectly charming.

“What’s going on with you, Jack Twist? You ride all the way up here uninvited because you hear that I’m divorced and now you’re refusing to leave? I hope you don’t think that I left Alma for you,” Ennis said. Jack could see the hut in his eyes over that notion and understood then that the divorce the other had was very different than the one that Jack had.

He and Lureen had never been in love with each other. They had found each other at a rodeo and then she’d ended up in the family way. She was from one of the really proper wealthy families that were littered around the west, so when she found out that she was going to have a baby it resulted in a tidal wave of things. They had gotten married, bought a house, and retired from the rodeo work that they had both loved to do so that they could work with her father instead. Neither of them had felt any love lost when they had signed the divorce paperwork and Jack had actually been excited because now he had the money to get himself a house and some proper equipment for the ranch on Lightning Flat.

Ennis, on the the other hand, had mentioned Alma more times than Jack could count when they were up on Brokeback Mountain. He knew that she had been the only girl that had ever given him the time of day and they were close simply because they were both quiet. They had found companionship with each other and when that broke it hurt. They had also had two children together long after they were married instead of their first kid being conceived in the back of a car because they were too fast. It was a divorce that never should have happened and obviously hurt them both very much. Jack would be sure not to step on toes about it in the future, but he had to tread all over them in that moment before Ennis never found out about his own dirty secret.

“You remember the last time that we went up to the Mountain? You were in a surly way and you said that you had to be the one on top so that you could get the aggression out without putting my headfirst into the river,” Jack explained.

“Don’t pretend that you didn’t like it, I saw the way that you looked at me after that punch that first summer,” Ennis replied, his drawl a little thicker and his eyes a little heavier.

“Yeah, yeah, but that’s besides the point right now,” Jack immediately shut him down. If Ennis hadn’t been willing to talk to him with his girls in the truck then the blond would thank Jack for not dragging him further into those feelings of lust that they were always thrown into when they were around one another. “I started feeling like shit when I got back to Texas. Thought that it was that shit feeling that we manage to give each other every time we’re apart, feeling like we left our souls or hearts or whatever behind on the mountain. But then it turned physical, starting puking and pissing all the time. Clothes got tight, so I went to the doctor. I’m pregnant, Ennis.”

He didn’t know what reaction he was expecting from the other man, but arms around his body hadn’t been one of them. He had been expecting anger and shouting, maybe even another swift punch to the face, but not elatement and joy. Ennis had been so terrified of the idea that someone might find out that they were together that they had only ever met each other in a hotel once, every other time they had camped up in the woods despite their aging bodies not agreeing with it anymore.

“You alright there, En?” Jack asked as he dropped his hands down to where they belonged when they were holding each other. It felt almost foriegn to be displaying that kind of affection for each other when they both knew that their children were in their respective cars.

“I fucking hate you,” Ennis whispered. 

That made his heart seize with desperation. He couldn’t hear that Ennis hated him, not right now. Their baby was growing in his belly and he needed support, he had just lost it in all the other forms that he had. His parents certainly weren’t going to like that he was pregnant and even if they did manage to persuade Ennis to marry Jack, then he would just be in the same place that he had been in with Lureen but finding more heartache around each corner.

Ennis pulled back, one of his large hands cupping the back of Jack’s head so that their eyes could look into the other’s. It made Jack feel like their souls were pouring out and into each other all at once. “Why do you hate me?” Jack asked, hating the broken way that the words dropped from his lips.

“You made me fall in love with you that first summer, and then I had to go down and be a good man. I had told Alma that I would marry her and so that was what I did. I was terrified of someone finding out that I loved another man more than I loved her, because that meant that someone might take their shitty feelings out on me. I know now that was what really happened to that man I saw in the ditch. He wasn’t killed cause he was a queer, he was killed because someone got their panties in a twist about words that were never actually written in God’s book. I couldn’t tear you away from your wife and son, I knew that you had made yourself a life like I did. Wouldn’t be fair of me to come crawling to you when I had blown up my life and beg you to do the same.”

“That doesn’t explain why you hate me, Ennis Del Mar,” Jack said. What Ennis was saying was sweet and kind in all the ways that he needed to be. His heart felt like it was bleeding into his chest, he was lightheaded and he knew that there were tears threatening to spill down his face like a river.

“I hate you because you’re giving me everything that I wanted. I loved Alma because she was the only person that gave me the time of day, not because we had some kind of connection. We got along fine, but not the way that I get along with you. I want this, I want us to be together and I want to raise a baby with you. Nothing can hold us back from this anymore,” Ennis grinned.

“Did you have some kind of divine vision or something? Is that what Methodists believe in?” Jack asked, narrowing his eyes as he searched for the anger that he had been expecting in some form or another.

“I have faith, Jack Twist. I don’t know about God or the Holy Spirit or anything like that, but I know you. You make things work when they’re not supposed to. You can make me talk more than I have in an entire year, you can make sheep appear outta nowhere without marks on their fleece, you can stay on the back of a bucking bronco for longer than I could ever dream. You make things happen and you’re making our family happen,” Ennis insisted.

Jack grinned, unable to stop the butterfly of feelings that rushed through his body and made him feel like nothing more than a giddy schoolgirl. “So you saying that the offer of the ranch is finally on the table nice and proper?”

“Not so much on the table as underway,” Ennis replied. One of his hands came down to hold Jack’s hand while the other cupped his stomach. They stayed like that for only a second before they leaned forward and shared a kiss with one another, not caring that their children were watching them.

The kids would learn. They got to know each other and their new step-parent, adjusting far faster than either man had expected. Bobby liked his other grandparents very much since they were quiet and respectful of his wishes while not just giving him everything that he wanted. They lived in Ennis’ cramped trailer while their house was being built, a quaint three story on the other end of Lightning Flat. Jenny and Junior visited as often as Alma and her new husband would allow them, which wasn’t very but they made the best of the time that they were permitted. Faith Twist was born six months after both men had divorced and then remarried each other. She had a hard life ahead of her, full of bigotry and idiocy, but her parents were stronger than they seemed and would fight for her no matter what.

[blackwolfstabs]

If you're ever low on ideas and comfortable with it, I've had this idea which means a lot to me that I'd love see you put into your own words one day.

Basically, some time after Scream VI, Chad and Tara try to work themselves up to doing the deed (no outright smut or explicit stuff though pretty please, not the point here), and Tara totally freaks out when she can't bring herself to take off her clothes and show all her scars to another person. While I wouldn't expect Chad to really care about his, I'd always thought this would be an issue for Tara considering how much she wants to feel normal after everything that happened to her. As someone who still has visual reminders of a prior major surgery, I can speak from experience that feeling like you're less beautiful or desirable because of that is a really terrible thought. I can totally picture Tara feeling all the nervous butterflies about the sacred occasion of losing her virginity only to realize the scars from her snapped leg and all the stabby stabbies, everything she's trying to forget, are never going away. Feel free to experiment with how they'd react to and handle this situation, it was just a fleeting idea, but I think it could be something really sweet.

P.S.: You're like the only writer I know of that appreciates Chara and I just wanted to thank you for that because I adore them sooo much lol, they don't get enough love.

aww it's all my pleasure, dear anon. i hope i do your idea justice! 🫡

here you go:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF YOU LOVE HER

Drawing stars around Tara's scars.

fandom: Scream pairing: Tara Carpenter × Chad Meeks-Martin characters: Tara Carpenter & Chad Meeks-Martin a/n: i love this idea sm and i actually got really into it so my apologies if i went too deep or made it too long. you've got good taste, my friend :)

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“Are you sure?” Chad whispered, his forehead locked with Tara’s as they blinked into each other’s chocolate eyes.

Tara nodded, not breaking her eye-contact, even though she was trembling. She loved Chad, she did, and if anyone was going to take her virginity, she wanted it to be him. It’d be safe with him, for she was sure he loved her just the same. They had been through so much together. She couldn’t ask for a better partner. “Yeah,” she breathed, “I want to…”

In the privacy of his half-lit bedroom, he nodded and removed his shirt, letting her take the lead as she gently pushed him down onto his bed. She climbed on top of him, her legs straddling him to lean down and capture his lips. 

Tara melted into her boyfriend quickly, pulled in by the serene essence of the night and his love. She felt his hand slide over the small of her back and move towards her hip, while she trailed her fingers down his right pec to his rib cage. Her fingertips curled into his ribs as his own slipped beneath the band of her pants. 

They parted, but Chad kept his digits beneath the hem. He eased them a little farther to have the tips meet her underwear. She shuddered with a small gasp, instinctively dropping her pelvis as if to stop him from going any further. His face must’ve changed a little to show some concern, because she quickly looked away.

“I-I’m sorry…” She grew shy as she hesitated on where to look. 

“Is that too far?” he quizzed, retreating his hand a little bit.

“No, it’s fine, I just…”

“Would you rather do it?” He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear to catch a better glimpse of her face.

She took a deep breath, before gathering up the courage to look him in the eyes again. “No. I trust you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He nodded. “Okay…” He turned his face to the side to kiss the arm she still had bordering his head. She then resumed her former position again, and he decided to take a different approach. “We’ll do this first.” He moved his hand away from her bottoms and eased her shirt up, until he met her bra-line.

Carpenter braced herself against the fresh air that corralled the newly exposed skin of her torso. She knew the build-up to giving her virginity away was supposed to be nerve-wracking and anxiety-inducing, but she knew that the intensity she felt growing in the pit of her stomach was of a different essence. However, she had to keep herself together. This was the hard part. After everything was off and out of the way, there was no going-back and hopefully, she would be immersed into a world of love and not rejection. That’s how sex went, right? It was captivating and a rather surreal experience? Guess she was going to find out. But she had to stay strong to get there, so she ducked her face into the crook of Chad’s neck to try and compose herself.

Her boyfriend breathed in her warm scent, leaning his head against hers as he wrapped his arm around the bare portion of her back with one arm and used the other to tug her pants down a little bit. He heard her give a small whimper, to which he kissed her shoulder. “There’s nothing to be scared of, Tara,” he assured her, “I got you.” 

She felt his nose brush her ear lobe as he said this, his breath tickling her neck. As safe as she felt in his arms, she couldn’t manage to make any words and instead, just nudged his jawline in a nod. She was wearing high-waisted pants that were steadily pulled to a mid-rise and then a low-rise as Chad edged them further down her hips. 

Her heart skipped a beat, jumping into a race that made her nearly start to panic. His other arm brushed her spine, forearm pressing through her bra to leave his fingers closing around her ribs. She shut her eyes tightly and pressed her lips to his neck, forcing herself to focus on softly suckling his skin to fight herself from changing her mind.

Below her, Meeks-Martin heard a shuddering breath that mimicked her figure. He knew she was anxious about this, especially with how protective her older sister was and how inhumanely her body had been handled before. That was why he let her be on top for her first time. Both of her Ghostface attacks—which had left her with trauma she still re-lived—ended with her pinned beneath her attacker. He was well aware of what having her take the submissive position might do. The hand that held her ribcage slid down the curve of her flank, finding new territory that hadn’t been explored from the coverage of her pants.

His girlfriend accidentally traded her lips for her teeth, biting down on his sternocleidomastoid muscle. It was a fearful kind of nip, so it wasn’t necessarily painful, but it had caused him to pull one hand away from her hips and caress the side of her head.

“Easy, babe… Just breathe. I won’t hurt you…”

She swallowed uneasily, wanting to say something to assure him but also defend herself at the same time. She didn’t know what to do. However, when his fingers found the scars hidden on her lower abdomen and his arm pressed into the ones littering her lower back, she couldn’t take it. Every hurtful thought she could hold against her self-worth felt like a knife stabbing through her survivor’s tattoos again to emphasize the damage they did. Tears filled her eyes, and she didn’t even think twice as she pulled away. “I can’t!”

Chad sat up when she got off of him, finding her tugging her clothing back to their proper wear and hearing her breath hitch as she bowed her head in shame. 

Tara’s chest went extremely tight as she broke down, eyes burning and butterflies swarming her stomach at the anxiety that cursed her yet again. But this time was different. She hated doing this to Chad, because he didn’t deserve it. “I–I’m sorry, Chad…”

“For what?” He moved to sit beside her. “What is it?”

More tears fell, seeming to grow thicker the longer she stared at her legs, which were clenched together. She felt his hand rub small circles on her back, but that just made her grow even more tense. Her initial reply was replaced with a sob that had her whole body jolting.

“Hey, hey, hey…” His concern grew, once she broke down completely, a few whimpers coming through her sobs as she covered her face with one hand and hugged her torso with the other. He got down on the floor to kneel in front of her, reaching up to brush her hair back. “It’s okay, Tara, it’s alright—”

“I ca-han’t do it, Chad!” she cut him off, only able to compose herself enough to get the shortest explanation she could out. “I-hit’s so uh-hugly!”

He paused his combing. “What’s ugly?”

Carpenter cringed inward on herself, clutching the flank of her shirt so tight that her knuckles turned white. She pulled her knees up to hug them with her other arm, hiding her face in the small space between her thighs and torso. “M-my scars…” She spit it out around her accumulating congestion.

Chad’s eyes immediately fell to the arm that curled around her legs, how her hand reached to the side that he couldn’t see. It was the hand that had that long scar gifted from self-defense against Ghostface—her first attack. What a reminder… What a memory…

What a tragedy…

The exact one that had him view her like she was the strongest person in the world, even though she was the smallest of the family they’ve made. She was the strongest. She had survived being stabbed 7 times, a broken ankle, blood-loss, surgery, a 2nd attack, facing-off with her attacker, suffering heartbreak, and spent another period in the hospital, which she had grown to hate… But after every single fallout, she picked herself back up and kept moving forward. 

Tara Carpenter was the living proof and definition of a survivor.

And Chad Meeks-Martin was in love with her. 

She wasn’t second-best or his chosen one, due to their share of trauma. He started falling from the first day they met all those years ago, when they were too young and naive to understand what love was, what pain was, what trauma was, and all of the things that divided them. Tara’s home-life started to go downhill around the same time he was getting serious into football, so he wasn’t around her much anymore. Being a jock came with many things that kept him present in his future yet absent in his past. And sadly, Tara was one of those things—those precious things that he had unknowingly been driven away from. Liv came along, and they hit it off for a while, but when Tara was attacked, it all changed.

He didn’t care if she had scars. He didn’t care if she was too scared to let him in. He didn’t care if she pushed him away and screamed at him to leave. He’d wait on her forever. He didn’t see her scars, when he looked at her. He saw his angel—the one he swore he’d never see living, in-person, and in his reach. Yet, she was. And had she not endured it all, he might have never gotten that privilege.

As she continued to cry, Chad spoke to her softly and sincerely. “No, they’re not. Tara, there’s nothing ugly about you—”

However, she denied him. “Yes, they– Chad, I’m hideous…” 

She was convinced. Her scars were curses, hidden beneath her clothes to fool anyone that might actually want her. Anyone who might desire her. But she wasn’t desirable. One look at the marks giving her stomach, back, and legs an abstract design and anyone with a decent taste would turn away. She was destroyed, wasted, used, and corrupted. How could she be beautiful? How could she move on when every time she changed clothes, or took a shower, or wore anything but high-waisted jeans or pants reminded her of how defenseless, weak, and exposed she was? How alone she was… and that loneliness created a masterpiece that only the artist could admire. It must be hidden from the rest of the world or else it would leave others feeling sick and appalled.

Because she wasn’t supposed to be a piece of art. She was supposed to be dead.

Who could ever love her intimately when she was literally a human pincushion?

Chad could. And he did.

“Tara,” his voice was a little stronger this time. He slipped his hand onto her thigh and encouraged her to lower her legs. “Tara…” Luckily, she did lower her legs, but both arms held herself tightly and she hesitated to look up. “Hey…” 

Tara sniffled and wiped her nose, before raising her eyes enough to look at him. And of all things… he smiled at her.

“Stop, that isn’t true,” he told her. His eyes shimmered in the low lighting. “I’ve never met someone more beautiful than you. Your scars aren’t ugly. They don’t change who you are. I promise you, one day, you’re gonna look at every single one of those scars as a reminder of how strong you are.” Her soulful eyes just blinked at him, glossy as more tears slid down her cheeks. He wiped them away. “You’re so strong, babe.” 

In that moment, she swallowed, staring at him as she recalled those traumatic memories. The phone calls, the teases, the taunts, the stabbing, the crawling, the begging, the screaming… Those things didn’t make her feel strong at all. They were demeaning and humiliating. “I don’t feel strong… I’m not fearless, like Sam. I’m not smart, like Mindy. I’m not reliable, like you…”

On the other hand, all her boyfriend could think about was her smile, her sharp-tongue, and her gorgeous eyes. The way she moved and how she handled everything that came her way. The way she loved him and how healing her existence was to him every day. She was the reason he fought, held on, and kept going. When he had sacrificed himself for her at the kill theater, taking a thousand stabs, while looking at her the whole time, telling her to “go”... he did that because he couldn’t live without her, and because he couldn’t live without her, he held on until he was found by paramedics and was united with her again. Everything she was saying about what she wasn’t couldn’t be more wrong. “You’re a survivor, Tara. You’re Tara Carpenter, and you’re not like other people. You’ve got a will that’s so strong, you’ve managed to look death in the eyes and win… multiple times. And those scars are proof of it.” She was unparalleled to anyone else in this world. “You are you. There’s 7 billion people in this world, and you’re the perfect one for me. What are the odds of that?”

Tara bit her lip. She wanted to believe him. Truly, she did. But she hated all that her body had become, especially when it had to be exposed in situations like these. They weren’t mental scars that time would heal, they were scars that would be there forever. She would never be able to escape what had happened to her, no matter how long she lived or how much she may try to cover them up. 

“I love you, Tara.”

Her breath hitched as she sniffled. “I love you too, Chad…” Her next words were barely audible, when they came out. “Thank you…”

Chad just smiled at her. Even with her bloodshot eyes and runny nose, she was flawless. He reached out and took her left hand. His thumb brushed over the long scar tainting the top of it. 

She didn’t dare look down, the soft touch making her lips quiver again as more tears threatened to fall.

But then he brought it up to his lips and trailed a line of gentle kisses along the length of the scar, covering the pain it caused her with loving stitches.

Tara watched him do this, then glanced up to his face when he lifted it and guided her hand to rest against his cheek. “Chad…”

“You are so beautiful,” he simply replied. And to his surprise, he received the smallest smile from her, even through her tears. Then, he dropped his eyes to where her right arm guarded her torso. He squeezed her hand a little, “Can I see them?”

She froze, her anxiety climbing again. Her brow twitched, fighting herself to stay where she was and not pull away from him again. He deserved this. He deserved this. 

If he loved her…

He did love her. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind. So, she exhaled a shaky breath and nodded, slowly removing her right arm and retreating her left to uncover the sacred tattoos that made her a palette of a million colors, some not even of this world. She held her breath as she tugged the hem of her shirt up with one hand, then pulled her pants down with the other to expose her stomach.

There were two big scars, one just below her left rib cage and the other beneath her navel on the right side. Chad moved to be directly in front of her and was actually allowed to come closer when she opened her legs for him to kneel between them. His hands were soft as he placed them on her warm sides. He felt her shudder, telling him she was still hesitant about revealing her permanent demons. But instead of trying to talk her down again, he bowed his head and pressed his lips against the first scar. Just like he had done with her hand, he moved along its length, stitching up her hurt with his affection.

Tara stiffened at first, her muscles tensing at the feeling of this kind of attention, but then she let go of the breath she was holding back. His lips moved from the left side of her ribs to duck beneath her arm and give the scars he could reach on her back the same treatment. She let him do it. Her head stayed bowed, and she gripped the hem of her shirt, holding it steady against her frame to force herself into this uncomfortable position she knew she could trust. However, she couldn’t stop the tears that continued to fall or the whimpers that slipped out when his kiss would trigger another bad thought.

But her boyfriend never failed to calm her butterflies even if it was only for a moment. As he drew back, he slid his right hand around her back to rub it and continued to do so when he began to kiss the other mark on her lower belly. She breathed in, and he could feel her skin press into his lips. 

She was starting to calm down. She was starting to trust him.

Then, he took his left hand and traced his fingers down her flank to meet the hem of her pants. He pulled one side off her hip.

Panic. Her heartbeat picked up, leading her to slightly squeeze her legs around him. “N-no, Chad—”

Chad blinked up at her. He didn’t move any further. “I won’t do much. Just wanna see…”

Tara hesitated. She felt her formerly injured leg twinge at the way she had it positioned. Then, she relaxed and helped him tug her pants off all the way. Bare against the air conditioning, it was only instinctive that she wanted to pull her legs up to her chest, however his hand eased up her ankle, along her calf, over her knee, and up her thigh. Her eyes never left his, but she dropped her shirt to rest her wrists over his shoulders, rubbing her fingertips against his thoracic vertebrae.

He ran his hand back down, caressing right at her ankle, where it had been snapped by a devil’s wish. 

How that scream had ripped her throat… It was so painful… Tara swore it had been so guttural that, had she not passed out, she would’ve spit up blood on the way to the hospital.

Chad held it in his hand, rubbing it with gentle squeezes in between. And as he gazed at her, he saw her lips start to upturn. Then, her leg flinched, trying to pull away from his hold. He knew why, and it made him smile back at her, relieved that she was no longer anxious and fearful of being exposed to him. “Do you trust me?” he asked this as he glided his hand back up her leg to rest on her hip, bringing himself closer to her.

Carpenter nodded instantly, though her voice was still soft. “Yeah…” She blinked as he wiped stray tears from her cheeks.

Then they joined at the lips, taking a moment to melt into each other’s comfort. But it wasn’t too long, for the congestion that blocked Tara’s airways from crying cut it short. 

Chad grazed his knuckles along Tara’s jawline, watching her eyes close at the touch. “I think you should get some rest for tonight, okay?” 

Her eyelids parted and slowly raised. 

“We can try again tomorrow.”

She nodded with a small sigh. 

Tomorrow was another day…

Another day she’d survive.

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p.s. i'm sorry this took a while, anon.. i hope you're still around! ♡

- parker (BWS)

[nono-uwu]

Just spitballing misc. Machigai stuff over here don't mind me (might draw them sometime, just wanna have them written down for now lol)

I finished writing all this and jeebus how do I have all of this permanently in my head

- Machigai is a big Hatsune Miku and Vocaloid enthusiast. He bought the voicebank when it first released but he has absolutley zero musical talent and is tonedeaf so it just chilled on his shelf as a collectible. Ask him about Vocaloid and you get slapped with what is essentially a wikipedia article but even more in depth.

- despite his lack of musical talent, he is a beast at rythm games. You know those people who all perfect(or the project diva equivalent) intense voice of hatsune miku on the highest difficulty? Yeah, that's him.

- because of his unique biology, he has some pretty interesting regeneration. Any wound that could cause blood loss is automatically healed until it's no longer a risk, the rest happens similar to how a wound would heal on a normal human. Machigai can consciously speed it up but it takes a lot of energy. Though any scar fades in a few days, even when it would leave a permanent mark on a human.

If the wound was inflicted with magic (or whatever the fuck is deadly to vampires) he doesn't die, but the wound takes a lot longer to heal and it leaves a permanent mark.

He can't die from bloodloss or anything really, he'd just pass out until enough blood is retaken from the wound or he gets more blood externally. He does experience all the pain so yeouch

- has many many scars from his days as a lab rat to the Hyakuya Sect. Mostly around his torso and shoulders, though he has a few on his legs as well. While he isn't self consious about them, he doesn't like showing them and would rather just not look at them since they are reminders of a very shitty time in his life

- his cursed gear let's him generally boost his physical abilities while hiding his presence, such as making his footsteps a lot quieter and erasing him from someones periferial view. His demon, his piece of shit mother, is very limited in her actions as he deliberatley shut her out from his 'true self' and only lets her get the tiniest peek at his desires when actually needed.

Using these abilities does take a lot of energy and a toll on his body. Were he to overuse it, it would completley destroy his sense of self since his vampire side is very vulnerable to such magic/curse/idk. Rule of thumb, if you see a demonic looking horn growing on him, knock him out real fast.

- Machigai has no sleep schedule, tho he pretended to have one in the beginning so he could fuck off from work early. He got 'busted' (as in he grew to like Crowley's, Chess' and Horn's company enough to relax around them a bit and not leave at 11pm sharp) later on

- speaking of sleeping, he can't really sleep well. Plagued by frequent nightmares, he often just stays awake as long as possible until he physically can't stay awake and just collapses at the closest opportunity. Despite the misery he goes through, this does get him a full 8 hours of deep sleep.

-> After repeating this process a lot of times, Chess finally asks him why he's so tired all the time. He reluctantly opens up about it and she has the brilliant idea for everyone to cuddle him since cuddling helps with sleep! Crowley and Horn agree too so, too late, Machigai is now forced to accept his fate.

They end up smooshed together in Machigai's bed, which was infact not made for multiple people, Crowley is spooning Machigai from behind, Chess is tucked under his chin and Horn is spooning Chess. (Platonic cuddling my beloved)

Machigai did end up getting a good nights sleep and after that his nightmares became less frequent for a while :)

- he sometimes sheepishly asks Crowley to cuddle him if he can't sleep at all or Crowley is just like "You look like you could use some cuddles to fall asleep. Come here"

- He has a major sweetooth (he isn't picky about his sweets)

- similar to sweets, he isn't picky about blood either, though he preffers the blood of adults

- drinking blood directly from the source is another thing however. Since he's partially human and grew up in human society, biting someone and drinking their blood directly has a lot of implications for him.

Firstly, he sees it as a very intimate, if not borderline erotic, act. Especially around the neck (it is an erogenous zone after all). Unless your name is Crowley Eusford, his neck is strictly off limits.

Since 2/4 of his other most trusted people are also vampires, he lets them bite his arm when the situation arises. Technically Yua and Homura could bite his arm too when asked but it wouldn't really serve a purpose. Oh well. Friendly (consensual!) nibbles are pretty neat.

Anyone else can go fuck themselves

- When he's the one drinking blood he keeps it low key and bites the arm at most. He absolutley refuses to directly drink from anyone under 18 but he just generally isn't a fan of it. And then it's only from the 5 people he actually likes. (Once again, unless it's Crowley then there are exceptions but. uh. I don't wanna bring this in the nsfw teritorry for now lol)

- he is a GamerTM, tho thanks to the catastrophe he can't really play much. He did find a mostly intact Nintendo DS and painstakingly fixed it up but he still hasn't found any games for it. He is very upset about that

[thestrengthofevil]

What are your honest thoughts on Lonnie+Family?

Sorry for the wait, but I wanted to finish Lonnie's warrior sword so I will probably be focused on that

Anyways onto my answer...

I was liken 14-15 ish when I watched the first two films and I really liked her and I still do too but now I kinda grew up and had a chance to look into her character more and realised she wasn't really well written.

What is most upsetting for me is she could be a key point at any time in the movies but also in the books. But no piece of media in this franchise took that opportunity. Like she is there, yeah and she has some lines and stuff but nothing more. Shes in the back like literally any ak. Except for Ben and audrey. And we see audrey as a big character only in the last film.

I've seen people say that the movies especially are really mal centric and I agree, majority of the characters are just there.

Now I dont remember much about Lonnie in the books. It's been a while and I'm planning to reread them but I doubt she had any significant scenes for herself.

In Lonnie's warrior sword, which I literally just finished so it might be a bit too detailed,

First we had a memory with mulan, and I was so happy but that was the end of it. Now I think living up to the name of Mulan AND SHANG is a great plot point for her and her character but they couldn't do it well. Lost opportunity... but we have Mulan's name being mentioned at couple more places which all serve the 'living up to the name' and if the book was a bit longer they could explore it a bit better.

There is the matter of Li Shang. The matter is he is not there. Everyone ignored the man like they ignored Lonnie in the third movie. I would love to see some father-daughter bonding and we WERE ROBBED. so if anyone has any fic recommendations about Lonnie and Shang I would love that. Anyways, Shang in Lonnie's Warrior Sword was mentioned one (1) time.

"...sword fighting with her mother in the gardens, running laps around the palace with her father..."

That's it. And although I love the image of little Lonnie trying to keep up with her father while Shang purposely slows down for her is incredibly adorable, how would anyone think this would be enough to feed the fandom

Shang Jr is a whole other thing. Again I would love to see a relationship between Lonnie and Shang jr. And I also would like to see how filling up the name of Mulan AND SHANG would affect him. Because it would affect him as much as Lonnie.

Then there is the name situation. Firstly, I am not familiar with Chinese culture and I dont have anyone I can ask beside the internet so let me know if I need to include/exclude and/or change anything.

From what I've understood from the fandom, naming your child after yourself is very disrespectful so that is an issue. Honestly even if they were not gonna look into his name, all they needed to do was to search for some Chinese names and meanings. Like I could do that (and I am planning to cause there is no way I'm using Lil' Shang as a name in my version of descendants. Same goes with Lonnie. I did started to research about that but like Lonnie? Why? Naming with the same initials as your parent is a thing in the universe but by that logic they were supposed to do a name with m for mulan or s for shang, why did they go for L (I am assuming L is for Li but still) So they are nicknames given to them by Auradon and Sherwood Academy(was that where he was, I don't really remember)

For once I want Lonnie and Shang Jr (I am intentionally not calling him Lil' Shang cuz honestly between the two Shang Jr is not as disturbing to me as Lil' Shang) to be sassy. And that 100% came from grandma Fa. You know Mulan's grandmother. I want that woman to teach her great grand children things she wasn't supposed to. Like and she words and how to trick mushu or something.

Another point is (I've seen someone talk about it, I'll credit them if I can find it) the situation with Yi-Min. They grew up together with Lonnie and her cousins. Like Mulan saved China with these man of course their children are best friends. Also I love that she also competes in the Auradon warrior thing.

One more thing, I know it's already too long and I didnt have my fixation on Mulan and Mulan 2 yet so Lonnie and family are not people I've given much thought about but still....

We knew King beast had like all magical and non magical stuff collected in the museum but why? Like why would you disarm MULTIPLE KINGDOMS. I hate that man.

Also, in Lonnie's Warrior sword it says "... There it(Shan Yu's sword) could be watched over by the Imperial Council, who oversaw all official matters in the Imperial City, until Lonnie was old enough to inherit it." Why? Why does Lonnie inherit a council. Okay I know her parents saved China but why does Lonnie inherit a council. (Do I need to rewatch the mulan movies? probably)

Anyway... with the addition of the All-Knowing-One and her potential is also being lost... I will finish my rant here.

I hope I answered your question and I am sorry if it's too long

[lyriakisser]

Ok so i think paralive can be divided into 3 parts to be better understood, aka the past, first live and second battle live. The information is pretty left around and you can gather stuff from their tweets and songs, but SPECIALLY the audio dramas which i can send you the link to if you want

Past is where the phantometals were created and the characters traumas stem from and how they got to where they currently are. We don't know a LOT about it but there is a fair share of information for us to pierce stuff together. Apparently a group of scientists found out the properties of this metal called phantometals and they can create illusions based on their emotions and singing, shit happens and the previously major group (buraikan) disappears without a trace until a competition (paradox live.) Begins which gives the winner group money *and* a chance to challenge buraikan

So. A quick rundown of each character and their traumas.

B∆e — Allen had his music style repressed by his parents and records burnt once, it's why the phoenix is his image (being reborn from the ashes). Anne had their entire self repressed as they are amab but she enjoys presenting herself femininely and was also forced to be their moms ideal prince. Hajun was sort of closed off from his family after shit went down and i think it's important to recognize his dad is a piece of shit + there's a lot on him + dongha tbh.

TCW — found family part 1. Neoakira and Yoheis trauma are somewhat pretty close since they're both connected to the same woman (Tsubaki, the dead third member in their past trio, the wife of one of them and also the mirrors of their old unit to bae, which is why yohei was so worried about the three performing together initially) with one losing her and the other being the one who turned off her life support. Shiki has a LOT of shit going on but tldr wow trauma. Ryu is a laboratory experiment (number 0) and it's better explained on the tcw x 1nm8 voice drama, but basically Ryu doesn't remember *anything* about his past at all

Cozmez aka the twins — Both had an extremely shitty live with no parents and the 'older' one (kanata) then having to take care of both of them. Because of that they submit themselves to a lot of stuff like phantometals experiments which caused one of the two to almost be corrupted. Kanata also works under ioris hand from time to time for money and they live on the slums, yeah

AKYR — found family 2. Also shared trauma but theirs is like. Between all 5 sort of. Iori is their leader and also the leader of the suiseki group and their trauma is exactly connected to the death of a shitton of members from the group, but also more. Zen used to work as a police officer before he left to work with iori after some stuff went down on the office and he got too scared to continue, but he agreed with ioris views. Satsuki is silly but also he is a young delinquent and because of that he saw pretty much everyone he loves/trusts go to jail while trying to protect him until he ended in the suiseki group. Reos parents are divorced and he grew up in an ambient of fights and shouts to the point he does call akyr his one real family. Hokusai was constantly shunned from society due to having a criminal dad even if he himself wasn't that and is why he found comfort in animals, since they don't judge him for that

The newest 4 are a bit more complicated since we have less information on

Visty — past visty, aka when kei was still in the group. Since he left (will talk more on the 1nm8 part) shogo was heavily affected due to suddenly lost attention and stopped believing he could be an idol until he was cheered up by the others. Toma is cheery and happy but this also affects him as he's afraid of only being seen as the happy positive one because sometimes he wants to show his other emotions too. Aoi admires Anne because while aoi is afab, he dreams of being a princely guy and because of that he idolizes Anne, wishing he could be as confident as her. Kantaro is an egosurfer and dwells on attention and praise, always updating social medias etc

Amprule — amprule is a complicated one and ill admit i don't know much about them. The tldr i can give you is some drama with the yeon family and dongha ending all alone too

1nm8 — shared trauma part 3. All of them were grown in a facility and subjected to experiments which changed them and gave them abilities (rokutas superforce etc). Kei used to be part of visty before he left to be able to help the other two out of the facility and they all started working together, while also trying to help the 0 (Ryu) as he seems to have lost all their memories

Gokuluck — also a complicated one as we didn't get much info on one of them for now. Yuto has did and goes from a good cop to the one that helps the inmates (hancho). Ryoga is connected to satsukis somewhat and it's heavily implied he's in jail after helping satsuki somehow. Kenta is a hacker and had a virus that could destroy governments all over the world which is why he was sent to jail for security measures. Shion is a bit more complicated but it is *implied* (not confirmed) he was sent to jail on accident/after manipulation from someone else. After that he became a hedonist and basically only seeks pleasure in life and has it as the one thing he cares for

OK. TIME FOR PART 1 EXPLANATION

w gat the hell

[writebackatya]

Questions for writers: 5, 10, 13

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

If I ever pair a song with a story, chances are I am listening to that song a number of times while working on that piece. It’s not the only thing I listen to of course, but whenever I’m stuck sometimes I’ll just listen to whatever song I’m pairing with the story to try to get the vibes or whatever I’m trying to get done for the story

You’re gonna hate me for this but I still use Microsoft Word. Yeah even though I have you check my stuff on Google Docs I still use Word to write my stuff there. I’ve been trying to ween myself off of it, but I think it’s because its the one program I’m used to using

And if I’m ever smoking weed while writing, joints > bong. I don’t know why, I just feel like a real writer when I hold a lit joint in my hand while pondering how I wanna make the characters kiss in a story

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Oooh that’s a good question. Unfortunately I don’t have a good answer cause I can’t really think about a piece of writing that has ever haunted me. I think the only writing of mine that haunts me is the unfinished stuff. I think that means I just need to relax

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you to write about? What is easy?

One thing I ALWAYS find difficult is writing smart/scientific dialogue for smart/scientific characters. I’m a Communication Major. Not a scientist. Or someone really really smart. I want my characters to sound natural and not like someone who thinks they know what they’re talking about. I want to do them justice

Something I find easy to write about. Sibling stuff. I grew up with five other siblings and was the middle child I kinda know what it’s like to be an older sibling and younger sibling. Plus I love writing sibling dynamics

[ateliaers]

alright so usually when it comes to my muses & their appearance, unless i’m like, drawing directly from the source ( i.e. film & t.v. based muses ) i try to steer clear of like, just pointing at their face claims & being like yeah they’re wearing exactly this because i just … prefer not to, it’s a me thing, i just like to fuck around in my head with their wardrobe & stuff but in this case …

okay rapunzel wouldn’t wear exactly this because it’s fucking hideous. like no offence to the costumers of this show, & the others of its ilk ( based on the gregory books / starz historicals, guilty pleasures & banes of my life that they are ) because some of the outfits do fuck severely but this is absolutely not one of them. i don’t even think you tried at all gold star meme in regards to historical accuracy. however, one of the things about rapunzel’s life is that gothel hand - made the vast majority of her clothes for her as she grew, & taught her to sew & work off of patterns to do the same before she was brought to the tower when she was around eleven years old, & from about fourteen onwards, most of her clothes were made entirely by herself. & for the sake of being able to swap things around, & get extra wear out of certain pieces, that meant bodices with detachable sleeves á la what’s going with this outfit if you squint, & very few all – in – one dresses that weren’t like, nightgowns or chemises because being able to mix & match is great when your favourite skirt still fits, but the associated blouse is too small & needs to be recycled into something else.

& the amount of care she puts into her clothing, be it in presentation or construction, depends both on how well she’s doing mentally at the time, & how frequently gothel is visiting her. she can’t get fabric by herself. she’s entirely dependent on her mother showing up with it, & showing up with enough of it, & so she tries to make her outfits as consistent as she can, but there has been periods of time where she’s outgrowing old clothes faster than she can make them just because of the logistics of getting enough material for her to even try. she’s good at unpicking old pieces & recycling, but you can only do that so much before the fabric’s worn & threadbare & looks terrible no matter how you decorate it. & when she’s in a good state of mind, she does like to dress nice, she does like to wear her best clothes, because what is she waiting for ? a special occasion ? a party ? she’s convinced she’s never leaving the tower ― she might as well look good while she’s in there. but when the old depression creeps in & everything gets too much, care for her looks goes out the window, & she wears whatever comes to hand with no thoughts for co - ordination, if she can even bring herself to dress at all, & that’s when you end up with something like the outfit above, where nothing really matches, & everything just looks odd, & off.

all this to say, if your muse stumbles across rapunzel in her tower, there’s a fifty fifty chance she’s either done up like a storybook heroine, or she looks like a depressed tower rat. fun times either way.

[bates--boy]

5 Pieces of Fiction that Influenced You as a Writer and Why?

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin Really, anything written by Jemisin, but particularly this book because its plot sort of resembles Hetalia -- avatars of lands (major cities and boroughs in this case) who develop immortality and coming together in a war. However, there is just soooo much going into this story, like an alien creature who uses white supremacy and gentrification to try to defeat the heroes, awesome superpowers, and tiny elements of hip-hop sprinkled in. Overall, there's this magical realism to this story and a lot of Jemisin's works because of her incredible worldbuilding.

Bojack Horseman Yeah, this show fucked me up, so much so that I'm almost too afraid to give it a rewatch despite really wanting to. It's such a silly premise -- a (literal) one-trick pony becomes a miserable has-been celebrity drowning in booze -- but somewhere along the way, the writers thought, "This show could be so much more" and never looked back. It went from funny horse puns, slapstick comedy, and really uncomfortable bestiality scenes (does it count if the animals are anthropomorphized?) to realistic and even controversial topics like the heartbreak of being infertile, of the public opinion about abortions, and living with depression and other mental illnesses. Then the show dove even darker: generational trauma, the results of untreated disorders, childhood sexual abuse, and drug overdoses.

(So many people failed Sarah Lynn for her entire life! So. Many. People!! And I don't care that they're fictional, I will never forgive any of them!!)

God, did this show hurt, but it showed that people's tics and flaws came from somewhere, and it made me ask myself: so, what made Peter tic? Before this blog's remake, Peter was just a weirdo guy who got into bad moods and wasn't the type of muse to jump into bed with anyone. At first, it was just funny, having this sex-shy but foul-mouthed guy, but then I realized that this had to have come from somewhere. So, I had to look at some of the canon stuff with a new eye, seeing how would being semi-abandoned in a fort miles away from land for most of his childhood affect him as an adult. Why would a person who grew up in a religious setting choose to not only turn away from religion, but hate religion as a concept vehemently? What are the things that happened in the decades that Peter grew up in that broke him and shaped his worldview? The show made me think: which parts of Peter are his eccentric self, and which parts are a cry for help?

Most of all, this show raised the question: what are you going to do about that? Some people delve deeper into addictions, some give up, some find healthier ways to move on from the hurt and start their lives over.

The Invisibles by Grant Morrison It's more like bits and pieces of this series had influenced my writing, rather than the whole story. I mainly borrowed from Lord Fanny (her unabashed love for wild styles and femininity) and Jack Frost (wild child with a love of hip-hop and many other American-centric media). But mostly from Jack Frost, because I love the idea that Peter, who is this personification of rebellion, an underdog, would absolutely love the most counterculture thing in Western society: anti-government, anti-white supremacy rap that makes the upper echelons clutch their pearls. This music that speaks of The Struggle that punk rock simply can't (which, I imagine, is why Jack Frost, a "chav" street punk from a fatherless home who is introduced to readers while he's being arrested and charged, is drawn to the likes of N.W.A).

There's also the fact that, in some way, this series "gave" me permission to go absolutely bonkers with my writing as I want to or see fit. If a guy can write a story about a government/church/alien conspiracy villains poisoning the globe, and the too-cool-for-school counterculture freedom fighters, which includes a genderqueer witch and the reincarnation of Buddha, fighting them, why can't I write something just as off-the-walls wild?

Dessa's discography I'm cheating by saying that, technically, there are stories being told in Dessa's songs. Some of the songs are based on her real life, like "Call Off Your Ghost" and "The Lamb", and others seem to be fictional, like "No Talking Business" and "Sound the Bells". But no matter what, I always come back to her songs when I need inspiration or emotional fuel while writing. Honestly, Dessa's songs had partly inspired The MizFists arc, because I wanted to know what happens if Peter stops self-destructing and uses his love of hip-hop for good? Apparently, a lot happens.

Hetalia by Hidekaz Himaruya At first, I had debated adding this onto the list at all; sure, it's the canon source for the very blog's existence, and one of the reasons I had made an adult!Sealand muse was because I was fascinated by all the potential there could be from the snippets of aged up Sealand Himaruya gave us, but a lot of the time, I feel like my character's deviated from his canon characterization (both his normal age and the bits of his adult portrayal) so much that sometimes, he feels like a whole new character. I had still added it because sometimes, I still draw from the canon to write him as I do now. His canon love for Broadway is why my muse is a performer; his canonical strength of steel is why Peter is able to "tether" to his fort and draw power from it for himself and his daughter. And the way Arthur keeps turning him away and "shooting him down" in canon is why my muse had decided to completely step away from the Kirkland family and lean into the Nordic family even more.

tagged by: @nezumivc103221 Say, thanks!

tagging: @paralianprince @cryingyetcourageous @the-expatriate

[pastorsperspective]

"Bah, HUMBUG!"

Happy Friday! Sundays sermon was titled, "Bah, HUMBUG!". The scripture was from Isaiah 9:2-6. If you missed it, you can listen to the message here: https://fb.watch/oO_qfcOxQG/ Skip to the 40 minute mark to go straight to the sermon.

It's not a new subject, or a new message. I have no questions about the message and none were submitted. "It's the most wonderful time of the year" and yet the same feelings of "Scroogeness" persist. Christmas isn't magical for everyone. Christmas can be very difficult for some people for a multitude of reasons and I think we deserve to acknowledge that. Scrooge lived alone. He was older, portrayed as bitter, selfish, miserly... What if he was just lonely and overwhelmed by all the expectations of the world? HE didn't have money troubles and could have easily been very generous. So, there's one thing he had going for him that many don't this time of year.

Fourteen years ago I read my favorite thing that I have ever read on the topic of Christmas, ever. It's by christian radio personality and author Brant Hansen. Whos books Unoffendable, The Truth About Us, The Men We Need, and Blessed Are The Misfits, I highly recommend. (New book: Life is Hard, God is Good, Let's Dance - releasing January 16th) It's from his blog: Brant's Blog of Awesomeness: The Krusty Sage. As someone who has always struggled with Christmas and the commercialism aspect and the overwhelming push to make all things "magical", I'm going to share it with you now. It's probably going to step on your toes...

The Krusty Sage Says, "Quit Buying Stuff You Can't Afford for Christmas"

(Once again, a warning about the Krusty sage: He's krusty. That means he's pretty opinionated. He plans no offense to anyone in particular, and has no one in particular in mind. If you're offended, please feel free to let me know, and I'll pass it along. He's usually easy for me to find.)

"Oh, but it's Christmas! It's a special time of the year! I know, we're in debt, overall, but it's Christmas, and that's only once a year and..."

"And..." you're nuts. Seriously.

The Sage says it in love. The Sage also says, in love, that if you spend $150 on your kid for Christmas when you don't have $150, you're not only giving your kid a neat-o Nano, you're giving your kid a gift that keeps on giving: The gift of foolishness, surrounded by beautiful lights, the scent of pine, and fudge. The gift of foolishness, on display, etched in memory. Ah.

Yes, Target and Apple and Best Buy don't advertise many $30 gifts, and they've ratcheted up the expectation level for Christmas. But-- last time I checked -- your will remains free. This means you don't have to be a doof.

Yes, your parents may have overspent every year as you grew up. Yes, they may have been Baby Boomers, seeking to atone for parental guilt, for one or another reason. Yes, there may have been stacks of presents under your tree. Yes, you think this is the way Christmas "is supposed to be".

Yes, so what.

Christmas is not "supposed to be" you, buying stuff you don't have money for. Sorry. If you're a dad, and feel bad because you can't spend hundreds on everybody, tell them you don't have the money for it, and you'll still have a great Christmas. If that makes you feel bad, man up. You're being bullied by a bunch of advertising majors.

Gee, you're in debt? How'd that happen? This is a mystery. Someone call a C.S.I. unit. Maybe they can figure out what happened. Maybe they can piece it together.

Or maybe you bought a bunch of stuff that's ultimately worthless. Maybe you should stop it. Maybe Christmas isn't special at all. Maybe it's just the latest excuse to overspend. Gee. Huh. Wow. Gosh. You think?

"Okay, we're in debt, and yeah, we did buy a $1,200 TV, but it's not that simple, because sometimes --"

No, it is that simple. Sorry. Next?

"But everyone at my kids' school gets tons of expensive gifts like 360s and Wiis and stuff and --" Are you in debt? "Well, yes, but it's not that simple, and --"

Nope. It's that simple.

"But it's not realistic to spend only $20 per person in this day and age, and --" Why? "It's just not that simple, and --"

Waah.

If you don't have the money for it, you don't buy it. Don't act like your kid "needs" a Zune, either. It has nothing to do with "needs", or even your kid, really. It has everything to do with you: Your desire to have some kind of "perfect Christmas", your guilt, your insecurities, your conflict-avoidance, your expectations, and you know, just generally... you.

Bottom line: You wish you a merry Christmas.

"But isn't 'Christmas' in the Bible, and --" No.

Sheesh.

The Krusty Sage 12/9/2008 Ancient Wisdom for No One in Particular

Now, the reason I share this is because I grew up in a home (during years spent with parents) that went big for Christmas. Going big for Christmas often meant that there would be utilities cut off in January and beyond. No phone, or heat, or some other necessity like adequate groceries. I always understood the cost of everything and grew to greatly resent the holiday as I found heat a much more pleasant thing to have in northern Illinois than say, that pair of roller skates and the other dozen items that were glittery and supposed to be fun and "magical". Which is, perhaps, why this blog post really spoke to me when I first read it fourteen years ago, why I still read it every year, and why my family and I choose to 'celebrate' Christmas much differently than your average family.

However you choose to celebrate, or not celebrate. Gift give, or not gift give. Keep joy, hope, love, and peace alive and well in your heart and then you still have the true spirit of Christmas with you.

[tenpintsofsundrop]

I love this so much omg <33

"hate to love him" my entire opinion of Titans!Dick Grayson oooomf

and okay - he exudes so much Daddy energy, but one of my leading pieces of 'evidence' - the fact that he wears a watch. any guy who wears a watch - especially a fancy ass watch (not a smart watch) has a Daddy kink. it is science.

and okay the sugar daddy thing!!! someone said that the fact that he wired Jinx five million dollars without even blinking means he would make a perfect sugar daddy and I fucking agree. oh my fucking god. like because he grew up with Bruce, he has no concept of money - so to him, a thousand dollars is like nothing. (which is a huge reason why he tried to pay off Dawn and Hank to keep Rachel. like hmm. hmm. it's canon.)

I should have put this in the original headcanons post, this is brilliant.

but like - he would buy you super expensive lingerie or pay off your car or buy you a whole new car without even blinking. if you dropped your phone and cracked the screen, he would just buy you a new one that same day without even thinking it's a big deal. if you casually mentioned that you liked something in a store, he would buy it for you. if you randomly told him that the mattress was hurting your back, he would have a new one delivered the next day. to him, money is no object toward making you happy - he doesn't think of it as being a sugar daddy, he just thinks of it as making you happy. and that is the best part.

like fuck! (I should write a Sugar Daddy Dick Grayson fic.)

and like okay - I'm a severely picky eater, and I put in that 'him being in charge of what you eat' thing because I want a Daddy around to force me to eat vegetables. that's all I'm gonna say lmao

also as far as 'he can't ignore me because I need validation' - I should have put this in the original post, but Dick is also a needy bitch, so he doesn't like this punishment. he loves cuddling and attention and giving his partner lots of kisses and affection, but he has the self discipline to perform this punishment, and he knows it's very effective to prevent future misbehaving. so he does it, even though he hates to deny his baby of attention - because he's needy for affection and attention too. but as soon as the punishment is over, he will be all over you, making up for all the attention he has missed.

ALSO I relate way too much to the stuff you said in the last paragraph omg

ssooooo I have to say this

(this last bit is a bit yandere!Dick - look away if you don't wanna see that)

imagine Dick having a major breeding kink but knowing you don't want kids, so he sabotages your birth control - poking holes in the condoms, replaces your pills with placebos, etc. - because he thinks the two of you are meant to be together and have a kid together and he thinks that having a kid together will 'tie' the two of you together. and after he does it, while he's fucking you in what only he knows is baby-making sex, he is going harder than ever and moaning so hard because he's so into the idea that he's gonna knock you up.

like - it's so unhinged Dick (like - a crazed version of Dick from S1). yeah. just some thots. lmao

What would Dick Grayson be like in bed? (Titans Kink Headcanons)

A/N: So originally I was going to publish all of these for all of the characters in one long post, but I got tired/creatively stalled out about halfway through, and it's just been sitting in my drafts unfinished for weeks now. So I have decided to post them for the characters one at a time so that way I can catch up on them and have the energy to complete them really well. The reader is meant to be completely gender neutral, and I don't really know how to put warnings on this, because there is mentions of kinky topics throughout, but it's basically just a list of kinks? Like, the content itself is like a warnings list for a fic. Main warnings are for kinky topics, Daddy kink, and discussions of BDSM.

DC Titans Masterlist

...

So... one of those things that is totally obvious to me from the source material is that Dick Grayson is Daddy.

Not just when it comes to Daddy kink (although he definitely does enjoy being called Daddy for sexual gratification). He is the living embodiment of the title of Daddy. And tbh, I think he would love being called Daddy in a non-sexual context - which might sound weird if you've never been in that kind of relationship before. But when you try it out with him, you would probably love it.

It's something he would find comforting. You calling him Daddy in completely non-sexual contexts when you have no sexual intent behind it - it would make him feel good because it brings the joy of having a long term partner who feels comfortable calling him that. And he would definitely also love the casual dominance of it. He would love feeling owned by you because he gets to wear that title 24/7.

But he would be likely to say that it's something the two of you can only do in private - like in text messages or when nobody else is around to hear it, because he holds the title very sacred and he doesn't want others to mock him for it, because it is like a safe space for him. Even if he would 'laugh off' any mockery of it, he would feel hurt deep down inside.

But anyway, speaking of casual dominance - it's something he is obsessed with. I think he loves BDSM as a lifestyle, and for him, when he has a partner, it definitely doesn't stop in the bedroom - he loves setting lifestyle rules for you as a way of taking care of you.

He will set rules about when you eat (to make sure you never miss a meal), what you eat - he wouldn't ban you from eating junk food, but he would limit your intake of sugar and make it mandatory for you to eat a certain amount of healthy foods, and if you have a bad habit of consuming too much caffeine or soda, he is sure as hell gonna use sexual punishments to curb it.

His goal with casual dominance and the rules he makes will always be to take care of you and improve your quality of life - including your physical health and your mental health.

Is he always dominant?

I think that he vastly prefers being dominant because he is a control freak who hates giving up any kind of control, and funnelling those feelings into a BDSM relationship can keep him from exerting his intense need for control in other areas of life - like having emotional fits when other people don't do what he wants and violently beating up criminals. And on very rare occasions, when he is with someone he knows very well and trusts, he will play the submissive role. But I don't think he would ever be a submissive in a long term relationship.

If his sub misbehaves, I think he would avoid using pain as a punishment. I genuinely think he wouldn't be into spanking or any other type of painplay, because at the end of the day - even if he's strict about rules, it really makes his soul ache to hurt you.

One of his favourite punishments is overstimulation. He loves giving oral simply for the fact that he loves overstimulating you with his tongue for hours, and he loves vibrators and even fuck machines for the same reason.

He would use attention denial or ignoring you as a punishment - denying you of affection, or going as far as to ignore you completely if you want to talk to him at all (unless it's an emergency, of course).

He would also use this punishment in combination with overstimulation - setting you up with a vibrator pinned between your thighs and leaving you alone until you're whining and desperate, begging for his attention and ready to apologize for whatever rule you have broken.

I can also see him being into semi-public sex. He would be the type of dom to enjoy putting a remote control vibrator in your underwear just to push the button and watch you squirm at the most inconvenient times. He would also love taking you out to dinner somewhere nice and teasing you under the table, living to see you squirm and become desperate for him.

He would love any kind of bondage - tying you up in different complex ways, blindfolds, gags, all of those kinky things. As long as it doesn't hurt you, he would love seeing you vulnerable and wanting - he would love seeing rope against your skin. (And he would absolutely have the patience and intellect to learn complex shibari just to tie you up.)

And lastly (one that is obvious to me from the show) - Dick has a breeding kink.

He wants to be a father so badly, even if it's unconscious for him - it would come out when he feels you squeezing around his cock. And whether you can get pregnant or not (and whether you want kids or not), he would be obsessed with roleplaying the act of knocking you up. He would be obsessed with seeing his cum leak out of you, and telling you how he's gonna knock you up while he's deep inside of you. The first time you tell him to ditch the condom while having sex, it drives him insane, and it's the best sex of both your lives.

(A/N: I think that's a good round-up of all my headcanons for him lmao.)

[justabigassnerd]

Self Discovery

Pairing - Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x sister!reader

Word count - 4,947

Warnings - fears of not being accepted, a lil' internalised homophobia, a smidge of angst

Summary - you make a major discovery about your sexuality, your only problem is you worry about how your brother will react

A/N - hey y'all! 'Tis new fic time! I originally started this before my Hangman fic but I put it on hold so I could write the Hangman fic. This is a very self-indulgent fic on my part and I use a few of my Top Gun Maverick headcanons so yeah. As per y'all, please send in requests, feedback and enjoy!!!!!

Growing up was weird. It was a long process of changing and figuring yourself out. You had your friends by your side and even your older brother was helping you as best he could as you grew up. He gave you advice when you asked and was there for you no matter what. What no one could ever prepare you for was the questioning of your sexuality.

Your whole life you’d grown up sure you were straight. You had friends who were part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you’d supported them unconditionally, but you’d never considered yourself part of the community.

That was until you met Charlotte.

Charlotte was a new student in your class and when you laid eyes on her, your heart rate picked up and when the teacher told her to sit next to you, you felt a slight blush appear on your cheeks as she settled herself into the seat next to you.

“Hiya, I’m Charlotte! It’s awesome to meet you!” She introduces herself excitedly, her green eyes sparkling as she turns to face you.

“I’m y/n, nice to meet you.” You manage to force yourself to say, a smile on your face as you shake her hand, your hand burning when the contact ends, making you blush further and avert your gaze. The whole class you were distracted, fighting not to look over at Charlotte every five seconds just to see her bright smile or the way her eyes would light up when the teacher mentioned something she was interested in. When the end of the class came, you packed your stuff up and just as you slung your bag over your shoulder, Charlotte spoke up.

“Hey, do you think you could help me find my next class? I don’t really plan on getting lost on my first day.” She asks, a sudden sheepish tone to her voice that you weren’t expecting.

“Sure, let me see your schedule.” You say with a smile, taking her schedule, fighting the urge to snatch your hand away when your fingers brush against each other, sending a spark up your arm.

“Oh, we have all the same classes. I guess you’re stuck with me all day.” You laugh weakly as you hand the piece of paper back to Charlotte.

“That’s amazing! I don’t mind sticking with you if you don’t mind having the new girl following you around like a lost puppy.” She says as the two of you leave the classroom, making your way through the bustling halls towards your next class.

“I don’t mind.” You reply, leading her through the hallways. Eventually, you reach your next class and Charlotte plants herself in the seat next to you.

When it comes to lunch, you invite Charlotte to sit with you and your friends and when you locate the table your friends are sat at you both join them, with you introducing Charlotte to your friends with a smile as you sit down. Your friends welcomed Charlotte nicely, immediately including her in conversation and getting to know her. When Charlotte excused herself to go to the bathroom, all your friends waited for her to be out of earshot before leaning closer to you.

“You so have a crush on her.” Grace says with a grin as you feel yourself flush red.

“No, I don’t.” You deny instantly.

“You’re blushing, and it’s obvious to all of us you like her.” Amber continues, nudging you slightly with her elbow making you scowl.

“I do not have a crush on Charlotte. I’m straight, you know this.” You grumble lowly, standing up abruptly and exiting the cafeteria to escape your friends and their accusations. Despite what they said, you were determined not to let their words affect your newfound friendship with Charlotte. You were going to prove to them that you liked her as a friend and nothing more. Your friends didn’t bring up you having a crush on Charlotte again until it got too much for you.

Over time, you found yourself getting more and more confused about yourself. You had been one hundred percent certain that you were straight until Charlotte walked into your classroom, but you also knew that you still liked boys because you’d fawn over celebrity men with your friends and find them attractive the same way you liked Charlotte. However, when it came to your sex ed class, you found yourself grimacing in disgust as the teacher droned on about safe sex and ways to prevent STDs. You realised in that moment that you hated the idea of having sex, further confusing yourself. As you walked out of the class, all your friends giggling and chatting about the class all you could think about was yourself and how you needed to get to the bottom of whatever it was that was going on with you.

When you got home that afternoon, thankful that your brother was still at Top Gun, you headed up to your room. You plugged your laptop in and turned it on before taking a deep breath and opening google. You had no idea what to search for, you’d heard of bisexuality, it wasn’t a foreign word to you but the idea of using it as a label for yourself felt wrong because you didn’t feel any sexual attraction to anyone regardless of their gender. You didn’t know if this feeling you were feeling was completely original to you and that there was something wrong with you that you needed to fix. After some internal debating, you open click on the search bar and type.

‘I don���t feel sexual attraction to anyone’

Hitting enter, your heart began to pound as the site refreshed. The first thing that popped up was a box saying something about asexuality. Curious, you read on, reading that asexuality was a sexual orientation where people would feel little to no sexual attraction. You clicked on articles, reading more into the subject as you felt tears welling in your eyes. Reading these articles made you realise that you weren’t broken, there wasn’t anything wrong with you. But they also scared you. You’d been so sure you were straight so these realisations were scaring you because you were terrified about how your friends and family would react to the news. Especially Bradley. You were terrified that he’d disown you, becoming disgusted by this newfound discovery. When you learnt almost everything you could learn about asexuality, you then searched if it was possible for someone to be asexual and bi at the same time. You learnt that it was possible, and it just meant you’d refer to yourself as biromantic as you were romantically attracted to people of all genders but not sexually attracted to them. After learning that, you closed the tab, shutting your laptop and sitting back against your headboard. In researching, you felt less alone. It was comforting in a way to know you weren’t the only person who has felt this conflicted and confused about themselves. That comfort did little to help the fear that had remained settled in your stomach, reminding you that you could lose everyone you hold dear because of this. You’d heard horror stories of family members being disowned because of their sexuality and it terrified you to think you could have a similar fate. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to take some deep breaths to calm your thudding heart. You only opened your eyes when you heard the front door open and Bradley announce his return, you wiped at your eyes to rid them of any potential tears before you heard Bradley knocking on your door, asking if he could be let in, only coming in when you gave him the okay.

“Hey y/n/n. You okay?” He asks with a soft smile which you return with a smile of your own.

“Hi, B. Yeah, I’m alright. How was training?” You reply, stretching as you move to stand up.

“It was good. How was school?” Bradley asks, making you nod tight-lipped.

“It was… school.” You say with a weak laugh, following your brother when he gestures for you to follow him downstairs for dinner. You tried your hardest to act normal. Like you hadn’t just made a major self-discovery. When you made it through dinner, you excused yourself to hide back up in your room to dwell on what you’d learnt earlier in the evening.

Rooster watched you dart up the stairs with a raised eyebrow, he was confused by your shift in demeanour. He could tell you were trying to act like nothing was wrong, but he knew something was up. In raising you, he knew when things were up, but he trusted that you’d come to him when you were ready to open up to him about it. He never wanted to force something out of you, he’d worked so hard to build a trusting relationship between you two, so he’d never threaten it by trying to force you to talk about something you weren’t ready to tell him about yet. However, despite that, he made a mental note of you acting off so if you didn’t come to him soon, he’d check up on you to see if he can coax it out of you.

The next few days at school, your friends had noticed how reserved you’d become. Charlotte had pulled Grace, Millie, and Amber aside one day and asked them if they knew what was going on with you, only growing more worried when they said no. The group tried to speak to you at lunch, but you shut them down, claiming tiredness and that you’d be okay once the weekend came, and you were able to get a lie in. No one was convinced by your words, so as school was ending and everyone was filing out of the building, Charlotte took the chance to pull you aside and speak to you privately.

“What’s up y/n. I know it’s not just being tired.” She says the moment she’s pulled you out of everyone’s sight.

“I’m fine Charlotte, honestly.” You try weakly to convince her but being in such a close proximity was beginning to make you malfunction slightly.

“But you’re clearly not. Something’s up and we’re all so worried about you.” Charlotte insists, her eyes wide and pleading.

“I care so much about you. Please let me help.” Charlotte’s softly spoken words had your eyes widening as you looked at her. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but it didn’t stop your heart from skipping a beat at her words.

“I care about you too. More than a friend should.” You whisper, squeezing your eyes shut as you fear her reaction at your sudden admission. Charlotte remains silent which makes you nervous and just before you can open your eyes and bolt to your car and get home to bawl your eyes out, you feel a gentle hand cup your cheek and when get the courage to open your eyes you come face to face with Charlotte’s gorgeous green eyes.

“Would it make you feel any better if I said I care about you more than a friend should too? In fact, I like you more than a friend should.” She says softly, not removing her gaze from you to prove her seriousness.

“Really?” You say, your voice but a whisper, tears building in your eyes.

“Really. In fact, I want to do something to prove it. Can I do that?” She asks, leaning ever so slightly closer to you, her eyes darting to your lips before looking back up for confirmation.

“Yes.” You managed to say before her lips met yours. The kiss was magical, you’d never felt like this with anyone, and you were filled with relief and happiness that Charlotte was not disgusted by you but instead reciprocated your feelings. When you pulled away, you let out a breathy laugh as you gazed into each other’s eyes.

“I thought you were going to hate me for this.” You admit, pulling away from Charlotte slightly, only stopping when she grabs your hand.

“I’d never hate you for this.” She says with a soft smile, making you relax a little more.

“I know. It was wrong of me to assume that, but I’ve only just figured out that I’m not straight and it scared me. I was terrified you and the others were going to think it was wrong or-”

“Hey, shush. None of us would ever hate you for figuring yourself out. Some of us know how that feels. Obviously, I was never that open about my sexuality, but Amber definitely is, so you know we’d accept you unconditionally.” Charlotte assures, squeezing your hand as she speaks.

“I guess I was being pretty silly. Also, what does this make us?” You ask awkwardly, making Charlotte bring your hand up to her lips and pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

“We’re whatever you want us to be. I’m happy to move at your pace. I understand that figuring yourself out is weird and you might not want to jump into a relationship right away.” Charlotte says kindly, rubbing her thumb over the back of your hand.

“I want us to be together. I really like you. I just want to take things slow.” You say, confident in your choice.

“Then we’ll take it slow. Whatever you want, y/n/n.” The way she said your nickname made your heart swell.

“Also, could we tell the others? I’ll feel bad keeping them in the dark.” You say, interlocking your hands as you head to your car from where the two of you had been hiding out of sight of other students.

“Of course! I think they grew pretty annoyed with my pining, so they’ll be over the moon about this! I’ll text them; we can meet at mine.” Charlotte says with a grin as the two of you get into your car and start the engine. You drive the short journey to Charlotte’s house, climbing out of the car once you’ve arrived as she tells you that her parents are working late so you have the whole house to yourself. The two of you settle in the living room, sitting side by side as you link hands once more, smiling shyly at each other. The two of you chat quietly until Grace, Millie, and Amber come knocking at the door. When they enter, you tell them to take a seat as you stand in front of them nervously, wringing your hands as you think of how to say what you want to say.

“I know you guys have noticed that I’ve been acting weird the past few days. It’s because I’ve recently made a pretty big self-discovery. It scared me once I figured it out because I didn’t know how you guys would react to this. But Charlotte helped me realise that you guys wouldn’t care. So this is it… I’m not straight.” You ramble, watching your friends for their reactions. They exchange a look and then all got to their feet and pulled you into a hug.

“We’d never think any less of you for that.” Millie says, all of the girls hugging you tightly as Millie speaks.

“Yeah, what she said.” Amber says before they all pull away slightly.

“I guess it would also be a good time to say that me and Charlotte are a thing now?” You admit sheepishly, making your friends cheer loudly and pull you back into another hug, this time Charlotte becomes part of the hug.

“Can I just say for the record I called it.” Grace teases, making everyone laugh as you shove her lightly, all tension in the room now gone.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your sexuality? I’m not trying to pry it’s fine if you don’t want to tell us or you’re unlabelled at the moment.” Amber asks curiously as you all move to sit back on the sofa.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m biromantic asexual. If you’ve heard of it.” You say, the words feeling foreign on your tongue, but you were proud you said them out loud. It felt like a big step.

“Yeah, we’ve heard of it. You’re awesome y/n, and you’re stuck with us, straight or not.” Grace says, making you all laugh once more. The five of you settle back on the sofa and begin to watch a movie just to chill out. When the movie finishes, you decide you should head home so your friends follow you to the front door and just before you leave you turn to face your friends.

“Oh, and please no one say anything to Bradley. I’m not out to him yet and he’s the one I’m most scared of reacting badly. So just keep quiet about this whole thing until I say everything’s okay.” You plead, wanting your friends to keep quiet. You knew your friends wouldn’t see Bradley unless they were around at your house, but you wanted them to be aware of his cluelessness about your sexuality.

“Of course. We’ll be the best secret keepers ever.” Charlotte says with a grin, the others nodding in agreement before bidding you goodbye just as you press a quick kiss to Charlotte’s cheek before retreating to your car and driving home. As you made your way back home you began debating just coming out to Bradley that evening. It would get everything over and done with and you’d either end up kicked out or not so you figured it would be better not to dance around it.

When you arrive home, the house is quiet, proving to you that Bradley isn’t home yet. You choose to head upstairs to put your bag away and go over what you want to say to your brother. The second you heard Bradley come through the front door your anxiety spiked and you suddenly didn’t want to come out to him. He stuck his head in your room as he always did when he returned and asked you how school was.

“It was school. Nothing more, nothing less. Was work okay?” You replied, plastering a smile on your face.

“Yeah, it was good. I beat Hangman’s time in one of our training courses.” Rooster brags, getting a weak laugh from you that immediately caught your brother’s attention. Usually, you loved hearing about his and Hangman’s now friendly rivalry especially since you were close with both of them, so you used any information you learnt to tease them.

“Let’s grab some dinner, shall we?” Rooster then offers, gesturing for you to follow him which you do so. You both head into the kitchen, decide what you want to make and then work together to prepare the meal. When the dinner was ready you sat at the table to eat. Rooster recounted his day as you ate, and you remained silent. The words you needed to say to come out were perched on the end of your tongue, begging to be free in the air while your brain held them back, insisting that they had to wait.

“So kid, it’s Friday so it’s movie night. I believe it’s your choice this week so what are we watching?” Rooster asks, smiling over at you as he moves to sit on the sofa after washing and putting his plate away.

“I’m actually really tired, B. Can we do it another day?” You ask, nerves eating away at your stomach as you grab at your usual excuse.

“I’ve hardly seen you these past few days. Are you okay?” Rooster asks softly as you follow him into the living room before attempting to head upstairs.

“I’m just tired, Bradley.” You say firmly before disappearing upstairs, barely giving Rooster time to process your words as he sits on the sofa. Rooster decides he’s got to get to the bottom of what’s bothering you so much. He heads up the stairs, knocking on your door and letting himself in when he gets a weak grumble in response. He finds you buried under your duvet, and he sits on the opposite side of the bed you’re lying on so you’re back to back with each other.

“I’m not going to force you to say anything, but I can tell something’s up with you. I know sometimes it feels like it’s better to not tell someone, but it helps. I also want you to know how much I love you. I don’t say it enough but you’re my little sister and I love you so much.” Rooster says, glancing over his shoulder as he speaks. You remain silent for a beat before you speak.

“Even if I wasn’t straight?” Your small mumble made everything click into place in Rooster’s head. You’d been so terrified of him reacting badly that you’d shut yourself away just so he wouldn’t know. Without hesitation, Rooster gets up and rounds your bed, crouching down in front of you and gently tugging the duvet away from your face, his heart breaking when he sees the unfallen tears in your eyes.

“There you are. I meant what I said. I love you so much y/n and the gender of who you love isn’t ever going to change that.” Rooster says, a gentle smile gracing his face as he reaches out to wipe away the few tears that fell as he spoke.

“You sure?” You ask, battling back the remaining tears that threaten to fall.

“Budge over.” Was all Rooster said in response, standing up and waiting for you to shuffle over so he can sit next to you, tugging you into a hug once he’s settled.

“I’m one hundred percent sure that you not being straight doesn’t impact how much I love you. I’m as sure as I was when I went back for Mav on the uranium mission. I’m so proud of you.” Rooster continues, pressing a kiss to the top of your head when he feels you hugging him a little tighter.

“I love you, B. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner I was just scared. I was so scared.” You admit in a whisper, refusing to look at Rooster to avoid seeing his reaction. Rooster felt his heart break again at your words. He’d never wanted you to be scared of telling him something like that.

“Look at me, kid.” Rooster says softly, gently hooking a finger under your chin to encourage you to look at him.

“I am so sorry I ever made you feel like you couldn’t tell me that. I never wanted you to be scared to tell me anything and if I did anything to make you feel like you couldn’t tell me then I’m sorry.” He says once you’re looking at him, his eyes sad and apologetic. You don’t reply right away, hugging him tightly once more.

“It’s not your fault. It was me. I wrongly assumed you’d hate me. I should’ve known you’d love me no matter what. I just got in my own head.” You say, curling into your brother as he hugs you back.

“I could never hate you, y/n/n.” Rooster whispers reassuringly, resting his chin atop your head as he speaks. You fall into a comfortable silence, cuddled against your brother’s side before you decide to speak up.

“I’m biromantic asexual.” Your words were barely heard by your brother who lifted his head to look down at you.

“What?” He questions lightly, showing you he missed what you said but also wasn’t expecting you to repeat yourself if you weren’t ready.

“I’m biromantic asexual. That’s my sexuality. I just realised I never told you. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but I just figured I should tell you now that you know I’m not straight.” You say, gaining the bravery to say the words that had been terrifying you just hours prior.

“I’ve heard of it kid. Well, I’m familiar with bisexual and only recently heard about asexual but it doesn’t seem crazy that they’d come hand in hand in some way.” Rooster says with a small chuckle, feeling the slight tension leaving your body as you laugh too.

“You knew about asexuality? I’d never heard of it until I started questioning myself.” You say, looking up at your brother as he nods.

“Bob. He told me about it when he came out. He’s pretty open about it so if you need someone to talk to, he’s your guy.” He explains, making your smile widen as you learn that there’s someone you can talk to if you need.

“That’s cool. Is now also a good time to tell you I have a girlfriend?” You mumble with a cheeky smile as Rooster jokingly gasps.

“My little sister getting a partner before me. That’s embarrassing on my part.” Rooster laughs as you roll your eyes, elbowing him gently in the side.

“You’ll find someone if you put in the damn effort. You know how many women I see staring at you like you’re the only person in the world when we go to the beach? It’s honestly nauseating.” You laugh, squirming when Rooster pokes you in the side.

“What a shame I’m not interested in them then isn’t it?” He says nonchalantly, making you raise an eyebrow and look up at him.

“But you literally just complained that you’re single.” You say, confused about what Rooster is going on about.

“I did. But I’m saying that because there is someone I like I’m just biding my time to see where they stand.” He replies honestly, raising an eyebrow as you sit up slightly, pulling out of his embrace.

“Is it Phoenix?” You ask, wanting to know who’s caught your brother’s eye.

“Who said it was a girl?” Rooster says, making your eyes widen at your brother’s words before another name pops into your head at what he said.

“Hangman! It has to be Jake!” You burst out, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth at your sudden outburst.

“I don’t like how quickly you figured that out. Is it that obvious?” Rooster replies, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he looks at you.

“It’s not massively obvious. I mean you guys get on and I doubt anyone would read that deep into it. Jake was just the first name in my head when you said it wasn’t a girl.” You admit, glancing at your brother and noticing the slight blush that had crossed his cheeks.

“I think you should go for it, B. You’ll never know unless you try. I could always talk to Jake and try and see where he stands?” You offer, leaning back into Rooster’s side once more.

“I think I’ll be okay, kid. I’m fairly sure Hangman is the straightest guy on the planet.” Rooster chuckles sadly, resting his chin on your head once more so you couldn’t see his sadness.

“We both thought the other was straight and look where that got us. Don’t make assumptions.” You say, understanding how your brother feels.

“All right, all right. Less about me now. I want to hear about this girlfriend of yours.” Rooster says, laughing to himself when you groan.

“I just want to know my little sister isn’t going to get her heart broken.” Rooster says as you pull away slightly so you can look up at your brother.

“Can we move on from this now? I’ll let you meet her soon if she’s okay with it. But for tonight can we just have our movie night? You said it’s my choice, right?” You say, smoothly changing the subject as Rooster rolls his eyes but nods nonetheless.

“Alright, let's go.” He says as he releases you from his embrace and follows you downstairs where you settle yourself on the sofa while Rooster heads to the kitchen to make some popcorn. When he enters the living room with the popcorn, he finds you curled up on the sofa, with a movie waiting on the screen. Rooster sits alongside you, placing the bowl on the coffee table and leaning back against the cushions as you press play. The two of you watch the movie in silence, the silence only being broken by a soft laugh at a joke.

“B?” Your quiet voice says when the credits begin to roll, not removing your gaze from the screen.

“Yeah?” Rooster says, immediately giving you his full attention, encouraging you to look at him. Instead of replying, you trapped him in what felt like the millionth hug that day, but despite that, he still hugged you back strongly.

“Thank you for accepting me.” You whisper as you bury your face in his shoulder.

“You don’t need to thank me for that. It’s the bare minimum.” Rooster replies, squeezing you a little tighter and pressing a kiss to your temple.

“And thank you for trusting me enough to come out to me as well.” You say with a smile as you adjust yourself so you can look up at Rooster.

“You were honest with me, so it only seemed fair for me to be honest with you. Just, no elaborate plans to get me and Hangman together.” Rooster requests, pulling away to look you in the eye.

“Got it. No plans to get you and Jake together.” You say with a soft smile before Rooster pulls you back into a hug. You curl into him, your tired eyes slipping closed as you lay in your brother’s warm embrace but even as you drift towards sleep your mind has one thought running through it.

‘There’s got to be a way to get Bradley and Jake together somehow.’