#yaz/14 is just.........thasmin Continued

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the beach conversation is insane actually im always being so mean to 13 for how closed off she is but it's insane what she does here like "ive never been able to", "it's what my life is", "not because i dont want to"

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much but lets play doctors and students and reenact the anatomy lesson dr nicolaes tulp you be the doctor and the students and i'll be the body hang on let me hold up a lamp so you can see what we're doing

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much i locked my hearts in this rusty vault and lost the keys but if i had a spare i would give you it i swear i promise i know thats not enough but i'd give it to you

"i cant fix myself" is how she starts. "i'll be fine, in the end, hopefully" she says like an hour after regenerating after describing just how much it fucks her up and how scary it is and how painful and how much of a gamble, really, how much of a leap of faith and hoping for the best, hoping for that net to appear because if it doesnt......... theres no backup

are you alright, doctor? are you okay? yaz has asked a hundred times without getting an answer. and now she finally does and it seems to recontextualise every dodge that has come before. stop asking, it's not the end yet, theres still time, a little more patience, i will figure it out, i will be able to give you a yes eventually im sure of it.

but now it is the end, regeneration looms again, time is running out, and this endlessly delayed answer sounds like a resignation. i cant do it. not in time. maybe not ever. but definitely not before the plane crashes and i take you down with me. i broke the universe and i cant fix it. it's too late. i dawdled too much.

and what this could have been, but isnt, because neither of them take it this way, think of it this way, because theyre too much alike, and not like this at all, but what this could have been, in intention and reception, is a request for help. i give up, i cant figure this out, but can you? the doctor doesnt mean this, and yaz has always been too attentive to the limits, too respectful of the doctor's boundaries (from "who, me? no. never doubted. don't know what you mean" in ghost monument to "can we just live in the present") to misinterpret it this way. so theyre on the same page. a page, as always, decided on by the doctor. but it does make the perfect set up for the finale

because i do think, sort of, that yaz fixed it. not you know the millennia of trauma but the specific inability of 13 to trust people. the clara/river/missy/bill my-friends-die-or-are-not-what-they-seem-or-both cant-hold-anyones-hand-but-my-own inability to trust her friends are her friends and they will not like explode into gore and viscera if she touches them (which now that ive said it i bet is what she has nightmares about. perfect match with what i think yaz has nightmares about which is the doctor exploding into gore and viscera and not being able to do anything abt it. actually the best idea i think ive ever written abt what yaz has nightmares about is "or you take off your coat and youre wearing dynamite", but i digress) that, i think yaz sort of fixes when she saves the doctor and saves the world and i think if 13 had lived she'd have trusted yaz after that in a way she couldnt before and maybe even that realisation of "you saved my life" in that weird malleable state of post-pseudoregeneration might have had a hand in why 14 is the way he is

[oreo102]

Not really an ask but a mutual complaint. I don't get why because 14 settled down and 15 is "healed" that we're supposed to be OK that they got to find love and happiness easily but 13 didn't.

We’re supposed to be okay with it because no one likes 13. The majority of the fandom either won’t give her a chance because of bad faith criticism or are the ones making it. I had someone tell me before I even started watching her, after I mentioned that if I were to watch Dr who, it’d be her, tell me that I wouldn’t like her because the writing was atrocious(it’s not).

13 can’t even have a relationship with the woman who she said she wants to spend eternity with (or smth of the like in legend of the sea devil), can’t kiss, can’t hold hands, can’t even hug! Yaz and 13 hug a single time unless I’m remembering wrong, which is as likely as it isn’t with how much I’ve watched her era.

But 14 gets to settle down with Donna and her family. He gets to have a tardis and his old bestie from like 1000 years ago, he gets to heal. He gets what everyone and their mom wanted 10 to get. He gets a happy ending.

And 15 gets to mention his trauma in a light tone, he doesn’t have the crushing weight of guilt every other doctor had, no, he’s healed! He gets to go on silly little adventures with his best friend who is actually super mysterious and that’s a totally good thing to hold up like a treat to a fucking mutt. They get to hug! 3 times in one episode. I remember that specifically because every time it happened I felt a pang of annoyance and pettiness.

This isn’t to say I don’t like 15. I really do like him, he’s fun and he’s really the only reason I’d continue watching the newest season. I just- can’t juggle my love and loyalty to 13(srsly I’ve had to stop myself from starting fights multiple times in the last 24 hours) with seeing him get what she never did.

I understand why they brought David tenant back. He is a great ways to get views, the majority of people really love him and I know at least my mom watched she specials especially to see him, my friend started watching Dr who bc they love him. I just wish they would’ve given 13 a happier ending. I wish they would MENTION yaz. Even if not by name. It’d be easy- really it would, have them spend some time in the tardis- have Ruby touch something and 15 be like “no touching- only one human is allowed to fly her” or smth like that (idc if that’s wrong. I don’t. Don’t comment telling me if this is wrong.)

We’re supposed to be fine with 13’s ending be bittersweet, when the doctor after her gets an almost too perfect happy ending, and 15 gets to be healed from his trauma (not how trauma works) because they don’t care. They don’t care about 13, they don’t care about yaz, they don’t care about thasmin fans, they don’t care about fans they got with her, they just don’t care. And that’s- fine. But I won’t watch his series

[capybaraonabicycle]

6, 14, 21 for the wip questions!!!!

Thank you so much anon <3

I have reblogged too many wip ask games so now I am left guessing which one you meant 😅 I'll go with the last one I reblogged and if I am mistaken, please lmk and I will do the correct one?

I am going to go with my beloved cat wip - I fear this continues to be all I think about. If you haven't heard me talking about it: the fic is basically "The Doctor with fam 1.0 adopt a cat who isn't a cat. (fic contains copious amounts of thasmin pining)"

6. Does this chapter/fic have any twists that you’re proud of?

Hmmm, there is the very obvious one with 'the cat is actually a character we have known for a long time and not a cat!' but that is a given, that's like the whole premise of the fic.

I don't know if there are many twists, the story actually moves in quite a straight line. Maybe? Or maybe it just seems to me that way because it comes from my brain. Anyway, there are a few times I am tricking the readers a little and I enjoy those.

Towards the end - so this is a bit of a spoiler now, but the question was always asking for that right? - for example, there is a scene where I 'forget' Ryan exists. So like I'll have the narrator - Yaz - comment on what everyone is doing and how she feels about that and she just stops mentioning him all of a sudden like he's just not part of the story anymore.

Which is later revealed to be by design - and I would like to think I am hinting at that earlier - but I hope the readers will stumble over it and go "hey, author, you know how one of your main characters is Ryan?! Why the hell have you stopped talking about him? Yaz is not THAT gay that she would forget about him just because she's focused on the Doctor! (and like, he's doing some important stuff rn we would kinda like to know how he's getting on with that?!)"

(Aaand I just realised I did a little bit of the same to Graham - just that with him the others actually forget about him on accident. Not that you can blame them, some REALLY weird stuff is going on while he gets left out)

14. What have you been finding frustrating with writing this chapter/fic?

So I have been mentioning the plot and the length before. I am at about 42k words now with a complex-ish plot and a new alien species to fit my liking. (who I then kill off at least for now so yay 🙃 - I might have to change that actually if I come up with something better)

This fic was never meant to be long or complicated. It was supposed to be a fun little cat fic. And now the cat isn't even in it for like 3/4 of the fic 😔

(and right now I am finding the editing of what I have written most frustrating tbh, might do that only quickly and badly in the end)

21. Share 3 songs that would belong on a playlist for this chapter/fic.

tw suicidal thoughts mention in the cavetown song

Juno - cavetown (comforting vibes, cats <3, doing the hard but good thing for the sake of a pet, the staying alive part isn't too far off either - more for the general characterisation of 13 and Yaz than in my fic specifically but anyway) (I also find the line 'she's never done nothing wrong' brilliant in regard to Siren. Because she absolutely hasn't done anything wrong but also she's a little devil and has killed so many people)

In the middle - Dodie (I've realised I do not know many throuple songs so this is a little for lack of better alternative. But I also like the playfulness of the song. River would approve)

Brave - Sara Bareilles (one of my personal coming out songs so it holds a special place in my heart and we're dealing with quite a bit of coming out in the fic. Also the fic is about Yaz (and others) having to be brave in multiple aspects. And about the importance of open communication so yeah - they'd need a song like this)

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

time's prophecy to 13 is like whatever, i generally dont really think abt it bc when i do it just feels a little like a contrivance to cut thasmin short, or more specifically to give 13 a reason to formulate why thasmin is getting cut short ie it just feels to me mainly as an in-universe way to say "hey so like we've got 3 episodes left theres not much we can do here"

but the other day i Was thinking abt it, or like it crossed my mind, that scene, that warning, that does little except verbalise to 13, with her own mouth, You Have No More Time

and i was like, thats actually like exactly what trauma does right? like that phenomenon where you are just convinced for no real concrete reason that youre dying within the next 1-5 years? i think i read that thats a ptsd thing once but idk. but you know the feeling, like, where youre stuck in the past and the future refuses to unfold? like it's just stuck. time is not moving forward. like there's a wall right in front of you and youre just like, im gonna walk into the wall. and maybe you feel like the wall is 1 year away or 5 but regardless, that 1 or 5 year can pass but the wall doesnt move. you know what i mean? like youre convinced you wont see your 20th birthday but youre actually already 25. just doesnt sink in.

i think thats what time's warning to 13 is. just the articulation of her own belief that shes running out of time. or that it had already run out before she even started. she starts her relationship with her companions with the assumption that it's temporary, even after they board for real: "you wont come back the same"

and if you look at it that way i think it's easier to deal with the jump from 13 to 14 or 15. not for yaz, obviously, shes still gonna be super upset abt it. but if 13 really genuinely entirely can not imagine the future that 14 has, can not imagine a future at all, like, it makes sense.

maybe she felt like she was dying but instead of the sentiment 10 expressed "some new man goes sauntering away and i am dead" she just stopped after the first sentence like "everything i am dies." stop. theres no After. theres nothing to imagine. theres no keeping yaz with her, theres no going back for her either. theres no continuation. theres no next. everything i am dies. and the world stops.

nightvale voice: death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.

but it's doctor who. she is the universe. what happens after the heat death of the universe? are you imagining settling down with a family who loves you? are you imagining heaven? after the heat death of the universe? the doctor doesnt believe in god.