#yay cant wait to get chewed out when i get home

[penisrat]

slimy babies

[ slimy salamanders ]

yes that's what they're called sjjjdkdj

my pictures, pls do not remove caption

[bienmoreau]

The Dork Reads The Lightning-Struck Heart: chapters 13-18

@lio-zehel​ & @glitterghost​

(13)

Does Gary have such an obsession with wanking because he can’t?

Aayyy Ryan has a Darcy MomentTM

Hi my names Sam and I NEVER FUKING LEARNT HOW TO FILTER MY FUKING SPEACH.

“That was erotic.. ENLIGHTENING!”

Whispers “I’m a foxy lady” LMAO

Fukin lmao. Ryan fukin fell into the river ‘cause of the innuendo Gary set up for sam. They both idiots. When can we have them being idiots together

Ohh this back story is written so nicely. Sams narrative voice is such a mess. But TJs writing is really nice when he wants it to be.

“Who knew the forest was infested with twinks”

“No tiggy, no smashing, we don’t smash little twinks. We let them grow up so they can provide a valuable service by having sex with men.”

“Honey-bear you are the gayest thing I’ve seen since I last saw my own reflection”

OMG! OMG! OMG! Ryan = Nox! That’s hilarious and fantastic and I love it! I thought it might be something like this when he mentioned being from the slums. But OMG! I love it.

Aww time for all the honesty (well most likely not ALL the honesty but some! And it’s good stuff.)

Look at these boys from humble gutter origins working hard and striving for better and becoming the best versions of themselves.

What a great duo.

“Name one thing I have ever done to you- wait don’t answer that I just thought of 40”

xD xD xD poor poor Ryan.  Sam has so many extremely sexually active acquaintances

Yes Sammy! Lay down those rules.

“Thank you for having me to you whore house. I mean your home. Eh, Where people pay to have sex”

“Is he broken”

“Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is ‘Queen of the Fuck Palace’”

“I like him”

“What? Why? You don’t like anyone”

“I’m standing right here.”

“Still standing right here. And I don’t know what proletariats are but I feel like someone is insulting me, somehow”

“Feeeeling a little objectified now.”

Lmao poor Ryan. He is so very very out of his depth.

DAMN! What!? What kinda backstory teaser drop was that!?

“You’re being interviewed for a job” LMAO. oh ryan. You fool.

DAAAMMNN RYAN! DAAAMMNN!  LOVE IT 😂😆

And now Sams the idiot again.

(Like he ever stopped)

“Won’t his one true love know when he breaks the engagement?”

“Are you really that stupid”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that!?”

“Ryan would you care to-“

“Nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

“You’re fired. Pack up your shit and get out”

“YOU CANT FIRE HIM! HES THE BEST WHORE YOU’VE-wait”

I feel like half the time the way sam says ‘no’ is like John Mulaney’s “NOOoooooO!”

Awww Ryan’s so bitter abt how much Sam likes Todd’s ears.

“Everyone has ears”

Also Sams an idiot and just completely missed a very relevant conversation

Ryan is so jealous of the almost fairy wedding

I love that Ryan knows to ground Sam without even knowing what he is to him.

Baby wizard xD

“And by lookers i mean, you looked at them and said ‘eh, why not’”

xD xD

Omfg Sam. Why. Why did you just strip in front of your crush because a damn unicorn taunted you.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat” 👀👀👀

Ooooh my goood! Ryan is talking very clearly abt the fan club shipping him and Sam and is just STARING AT SAM the whole time and sam is mass and an idiot and he’s totally making a massive fool of himself and YET! Ryan is totally still completely smitten.

Oh good! A bard.

Omfg. The guy doing live pre-show advertising 😂😂😂

“Yaaaaaay rystin!” “whooo rystin”

Cheesy dicks and candle sticks.

What. What?  What???

Why?

Omfg

“If I was a unicorn glitter would be pouring off me right now”

Back at it again with the 5 star one-liners!

Also yay for the lil pep talk (interspersed with the logistics of an 12-way)

Things I’ve actually literally been called by real people i know before and have now just read as describing Sam and so don’t know how to feel abt that: “you’re a conundrum wrapped in an enigma” (thanks dude on my course at uni)

“Okay?”

“Fine! Uugghh sorry”

“It’s okay. Who do I need to kill?”

(Gotta get me a freak like that!)

“YOU LIE WITH ALL YOUR LIES”

“Can we please talk about ‘knight delicious face’. what the hell does that mean?” Bruh im thinking you could probably work that one out yourself. they have not been being subtle 

“Sounds weak. I bet I could take him in a fight. Probably doesn’t even work out or anything. I work out. A lot”

Ryan. Dude. Chill.

“How is this your life?”

Ryan out here asking Sam the eternal question.

“It’s not little”

“I’ve seen bigger”

“That’s not what you were saying when it was poking you in the middle of your date. You know, with Todd. Who has ears.”

CHILL IT WITH THE EARS THING ALREADY RYAN. my gods!

Also like lmao @ this whole extended innuendo abt Ryan’s sword.. and the dark wizards reactions.

ALSO HOLY SHIT LMAO THEY HAVE A VERSION OF FRIENDS!! And liken them to ‘Russ’ and ‘Rochelle’

“Ooh You mean Companions? I love that story. It’s always will they or won’t they.  I just want to push their faces together and scream at them to kiss”

“I just don’t like chewing in the morning”

Oh hey. Lightning.

“Sooo. That was a thing that happened.”

[azarathedragon]

God i fucking hate driving and it annoys me to no end everytime my parents ask me why i dont like it.

Gee i dont fucking know.

Maybe its the you sitting for two straight hours doing pretty much nothing.

Its late afternoon and the sky is clear, the sun is bright, and the sky suddenly isnt blue anymore it white but it actually looks pink, and your squinting to try and make it less harsh.

But you can still see its after image when you look elsewhere.

And the road is the shittiest thing and it feels like theres a rumble pack in your hands but it isnt the satsifying go numb and relaxed kind, its the uncomfortable not quite numb feeling.

The visor isnt wide enough to actually block the sun, so you have to tilt your head that extra bit to not have your already tired-from-squinting eyes be fried away and ya know, be able to fucking see in front of you, so now theres a crick in your neck.

So every goddamn pothole and dip in the road reminds why you hate driving.

Your left leg, the utterly useless item it is in the task of driving eventually goes numb, because theres nothing for it to do other than shift around.

My dad is chewing on that nasty cherry flavor Skoal. It fucking stinks, and it makes my already uncomfortable body develop a headache. Yay.

Youre tired now and as you wait at the light, you realize the ground is moving. Not really moving, fake moving. Its stretching out, like those hallways in a bad dream or shitty horrow movie. Im fucking tired, and just want to go home already.

You have to pee. But theres no where really to stop. Its rural America. Its piss on the side of the road, wait until you get to some rundown gas station that isnt clean, or hold it till you get home. What glorious options. Welcome to the rural United States.

Your period aint here yet, but its in those days leading up to it, where you just feel tired and shitty, and forever in a bad mood. Your stomachs twisting with discomfort and your gassy, because periods do that to ya. Also means your pants also dont fit right for the week and a half. Its just one discomfort after another.

Its hot. Its so goddamn hot, and dear old passenger keeps flicking the AC down. Because old people cant handle the "cold" The merciless sun is beating down on your arms and face. Probably have a minor sunburn after this.

The rosacea has activated, because of course it has. So your face feels like its on fire, and its not going to feel better till hours later.

Drove 80 fucking miles and didnt do a damn thing.

80.

Straight.

Miles.

No, it wasnt 40 miles there and then 2 hours spent doing something fun or whatever. It was 80 straight miles from home, to town, onto the interstate, back home. 2 and a half goddamn hours spent doing fucking nothing. But. Driving.

Guess what? Making me drive everyday and do nothing with it, isnt making me like it more. It just makes me loathe it more. I might tolerate it if we actually went somewhere. But we never do. Its just drive in a giant loop like its fuckin NASCAR. No, lets not try and make it have any semblence of fun by going to a bookstore or that public library thats never open, or the movies. We're just gonna drive in a giant circle. And thats it.

And my parents have the nerve to ask me "why dont you like driving?"

[candithedinosaur-blog]

sorry for the lack of art...

im just not feeling very confident lately. i had like five requests from this person who i wont mention and im too scared to tell them how i feel. keep reading if you wanna know what stupid stuff's been going on in my head for the past week. BUT IF YOURE GONNA KEEP READING READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE so as some of you know, i recently did a live stream drawing the person (lets just call them jam) jams "gemsona." but the problem is, this wasn't their gemsona exactly. he literally just searched up fire opal in google and saw that he liked the design and just declared it his own gemsona. now, some people dont know that reposting art without the artist's permission is illegal, but i dont know the situation between google images and plagiarism so, im not sure if he was allowed to consider it his own. and if you watched my live stream, you could SEE him put into chat "you can make your own design." that just made me feel... furious. and a gemsona isnt a gemsona if its just something you saw on the internet and called it your own and THEN decided to make it a fan fusion. i cant remember if i actually sighed out loud, but if i did, it meant "ok you need to get the fuck out and get your own gemsona and guess what im not drawing that shit." but i try to keep my channel at least pg 13, and im a weak crybaby that is too scared to tell him how i feel. im too scared to tell anyone anything to their face or on the internet how i feel if it might make them have a bad opinion of me, and of course, i didnt want to cause arguments in the roleplay me and some other friends from the internet were in. and thats not all, jam has broken the same rule at least five times. rule number 2. no spamming. and before, there was also conflict with jam and some other guy who ill call draco. oh yea, forgot to mention that im the leader of this roleplay group. i literally had to kick out draco from the group and i made a biiiig mistake when i did that. draco came back and apologized. but that big mistake was, i shouldve kicked the both of them out. i feel bad for making draco feel like he was being personally attacked. so now that all of the group chat stuff is out of the way, its on to the main cause of the lack of confidence and art. so, like i said, jam has requested about five drawing from me, all at different times. he requested a point of the plagiarized fire opal design number one. he chose two pictures and he gave me the first one. so i made a point out of that and he used it for his pfp and gave me credit, yay, points dont take that long to do so it was cool. but there was more details to it. so, he first asked for a drawing of it and i said id make a point because it takes less time and im getting ready to pretend to go to sleep in a few hours. so i decided that i was done drawing on my pc for the night so i sketched a little fire opal point. so i send him a picture with the terrible colored pencil coloring and i said "well im done drawing on my computer for tonight but i can draw it tomorrow if you want" and jam said that he wanted the digital version, which i can see why. so in the morning, here is the average schedule for me : 11:00-12:00 - mom wakes me up 12:05 - we make lunch together and watch who wants to be a millionaire which plays for 30 minutes including commercials and it starts at 12:30, sometimes my dad comes home from work to get lunch, sometimes he doesnt. 1:05 - the chew starts and i either go take a shower and sit in my closet watching jse's the escapist series for about 30 minutes, or i do that without the shower part. 2:00 - im usually completely ready for the day and i have requests read (if any) and i think about what im going to draw since my mom doesnt want me staying up until 3am, she makes me put my phone and pc in her room during weekdays (sometimes she forgets and those days i take advantage) so i usually take my pc at around 2:15 pm sometimes we go shopping, sometimes we dont so when i go to sit in my closet watching yt, jam just messages me saying "hi" me thinking i was smart, i keep watching yt. jam says "can you see this?" and i keep the private dms unmuted incase if theres a problem in chat (the chats muted) for my rp acc they could just ask me personally. i go on instagram, and say "yea" and they legit say "can you make my point now?" i said "oh were going shopping i might be able to do it now bt i might have to do it later." we actually were going shopping and out of sheer panic, i finished changing and did the point. i did that, and then a few days later, he asks for the drawing so i did that on stream blah blah blah. but then he asks me for another point. my maximum for gemsonas are 1 rn. bt this wasnt a gemsona. it was jasper, but with splatoon hair. i dont play splatoon, but jam does. so i make the point AND HE DOESNT EVEN USE IT FOR ANYTHING. LIKE WTF. I COULDVE USED THAT HALF HOUR TO WATCH YOUTUBE. so, yea. then, the last thing. this was the last request and i already had like five at that point (hehe cuz they were points) so i decided to do it last because ya know, it was a full on picture, nothing much. so i dont start on it and he says "did you start on it yet" i said "no not yet im taking a break for tonight" and he knows i had a lot of requests that day. the next day, i sneak into my moms room and i see the notification that says "you dont have to do the drawing, if you dont want to" and i said "ok" just to be nice. and he said "but you can if you want" and i didnt reply. i almost said "oh well i ddint want to do it anyways" but i didnt. because im nice. he literally requested a drawing of himself wih splatoon hair. in the splatoon art style. like tf bro. thats the first time anyone asked for a drawing of them tho so i think im growing as an artist. BUT WAIT I FORGOT THERE WAS ONE MORE i cant remember what the drawing was, but i remember i was in a restaurant about to leav when hes like "so can you make it now" and i was like "no im in a restaurant but ill be home in like 20 minutes" and he said "okay well can you do it as soon as you get home?" and then he said "wait no im sorry i shouldnt have said that. i should have said enjoy your meal and take your time" so i cant remember what i said in return but i think i jsut replied with "okay" and when we got in he car i noticed that google maps said that it takes 30 minutes to get home and i told him and hes like oh geez and stuff. so i did the drawing for him and yea. thats basically it. oh yea, i didnt mention why i havent drawn lately. i havent been feeling good (no im not sick) and i have just been feeling... used for the past week. bt dont freak out or anything, im fine... well maybe not and the reason why i didnt want to put this on youtube is because he subbed to me and i dont want him to see this. well, not like anyones going to read this, in fact some people might unfollow me for this, so yea. you might not see art until next week