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yandere-daydreams · 1 year ago

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Title: Meat.

Pairing: Yandere!Ayato x Reader (Genshin).

Word count: 4.5k.

TW: Non/Con, Fem!Reader, Branding/Burning, Prolonged Imprisonment, Forced Marriage, Possessive Behavior, Descriptions of Gore, Implied Stalking, Mentions of Pregnancy, and Suicidal Ideation. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

You always thought you would wear red on your wedding day.

It was a family tradition – passed down with dutiful care for as long as anyone could imagine. Your grandmother had given her dress to your mother who had gifted it to you, her only child, on your eighteenth birthday, years before you would so much as think about getting something as permanent as marriage. Still, you safeguarded it with a religious devotion, never going more than a week without laying it out to check for signs of moths or mold. When you found yourself on a boat set on a course for Inazuma and could bring nothing but what could fit in the space underneath your bunk, her dress was the only item you truly could not bear to leave behind.

It was one of the few things Ayato let you keep, when he first brought you to his estate. He hadn’t wanted to, but he’d known that you’d throw yourself off the nearest cliff if anything ever happened to that dress. You still would, if he so much as touched it without your permission.

The kimono you were being fitted for now was not red. The fine silk was pure white, the detailed embroidery along the hems and sleeves dark blue and bright, shining gold. The symbol of his archon glowed violet on the swell of the train – meant to appease the other factions of the tri-commission who protested when Ayato announced his intent to not only marry a commoner, but a foreigner. You hated that embellishment most of all, more than the sickly way his colors crawled over your body, more than the irritating smoothness of his favored silks where they hugged against your form and groped at your skin. It marked you as a tool, something to be used to one end or another. It marked you as a sacrifice – and an unwanted one, at that.

“Just as exquisite as I knew you’d be,” Ayato announced, his voice strong and unabashed. You’d begged him not to, but he’d insisted on sitting in on your appointment, making sure you couldn’t correct seamstress or overrule any of the choices he’d made on your behalf. The tailor hummed as she fastened a temporary sash around your midriff, tight enough to press uncomfortably against your ribs. If you needed to cry on your wedding day (which, in all likelihood, you would), it would have to be loosened. “How do you like it?”

You hated it. You despised it. You wanted to claw it apart with your own pristine nails, separate each thread and seam with your very own teeth. You would’ve set yourself on fire just to see it turned to ash that much sooner.

“It’s perfect.” Your own voice sounded distant, distorted. There was no façade of sincerity. He knew as well as you did that there was nothing he could force onto you that you wouldn’t loathe, and you knew that any word uttered as to your hatred for him outside of the privacy of your shared bedroom would result in a collection of fresh rope burns to decorate your wrists, the better half of a night spent bent over his knee. “So long as it pleases you, my lord.”

You dropped your eyes to the floor, attempting to spare yourself what suffering you could, but your resistance didn’t matter; you could hear the sharpness of his smile, picture the way his head tilted to the side as he basked in his own self-satisfaction as he went on, addressing the tailor. “If there’s a veil, you can get rid of it.”

You didn’t think you would ever get used to the way his voice seemed to grate when he was happy with himself.

“I think my heart might give out if I’m not able to see my beautiful fiancé’s lovely smile.”

After meeting Ayato, you began to dream in red.

It was more of a pink, at first – during the first few weeks of his courtship, when the extent of his intrusive affection was a few dendrobiums left on your doorstep and a lingering glance as the handsome young commissioner passed your stall during his weekly stroll through the city market. For a short while, after his possessive habits began to rear their head and you were able to catch his guards in your peripheral more often than not, your subconscious was tinted a near-violent shade of scarlet, the kind that would leave you drenched in your own sweat and half-suffocated by the time you forced yourself to wake up. Recently, since he announced your engagement, they’d taken on a darker shade; choking velvets and deep crimsons blurring the distorted setting as Ayato’s faceless body moved on top of you, as his mouth unhinged and his lashing tongue dragged you down his waiting throat. On your worst nights, he’d tear you apart with his hands, first, divide you into neat, orderly pieces that he could slip past his lips and savor one at a time, one after another, until there was nothing left of you. He’d always preferred you in your most consumable form.

It was ironic, really, considering just how little red he let seep into your waking life. Maybe you had a deficiency; like a pregnant woman craving fish to make up for a lack of calcium. The closest you got to red from the doorway to his study were a few cherry blossoms fluttering past the window, their color dulled by age and their tree nearly stripped bare by the approaching winter. He looked away from his paperwork as you shrugged past the screen door, his pale eyes lighting up as he saw the tea tray in your hands. It was Thoma’s handiwork, but you doubted Ayato cared. He wanted to see you in the role of a caretaker, playing out the part he wrote for you to the best of your limited acting skills. What happened behind the curtain was none of his concern.

“To what do I owe the honor?” he asked as you set the tray on his desk. “I can’t remember the last time you visited me on your own.”

You flashed him a small smile. “Can’t I dote on my soon-to-be husband freely?”

He visibly straightened at the word ‘husband’, a familiar zeal infecting his expression. There was a quirk to his grin, a light tap to his thigh, and the tea went ignored as you obediently fell into his lap, your legs hanging over the side of his chair as his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you snug against him. If he was a monster, he’d be one with a thousand hands and a million fingers; he couldn’t seem to go a full minute without clutching at your hips, groping at your chest, burying his face in the crook of your neck with a deep, relieved sigh. “Husband,” he repeated back to you, all spellbound awe and deceiving wonder. “Archons, I can’t wait to be your husband.”

You wondered, sometimes, if it was his childhood that made him the way he was. After so many years of loneliness, so many tiny disappointments and frigid betrayals, you could only imagine he’d be eager to grab the first warm body he could and refuse to let you go. But, he let Ayaka come and go as she pleased, and seemed to take a certain delight in sending Thoma off on long-winded, far-flung errands. Whatever cruelty his upbringing had bred, it was clearly reserved for you.

His hand slid underneath the slit of your yukata, his breath turning hot and unpleasant against your collarbone, and you drew back with an airy laugh. “I do have an ulterior motive,” you admitted, hoping his curiosity would offset his insatiability, if only for a few seconds. “It’s about my wedding dress.”

“The breathtaking and priceless dress I’m having made by the nation’s most talented tailors so that all of Inazuma will know that I’m marrying the most beautiful person in Teyvat?” He raised his head, clicking his tongue. “What about it?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” you said, because he wouldn’t listen to you if you didn’t and you needed him to listen to you. “It’s just— I’m such a long way from home, and I know my family won’t be able to come, but—” You cut yourself off, swallowing back the bile that threatened to spoil your sweet smile. “I was hoping we’d be able to incorporate my mother’s dress, somehow. If it’s not too late.”

It wasn’t. You’d been tracking the progress of his tailors meticulously, counting down the days until your wedding like a prisoner waiting for their execution date, and if it was one of his whims, another row of bedding added onto the sleeves or a new embroidery pattern worked onto the train, you knew that there’d be all the time in the world to make any adjustments he asked for. Still, his smile wavered, a brief sigh slipping past his lips as he shook his head. “My love,” The petname lulled off of his tongue as if it’d been coated in sugar and syrup and all the worst things you could think of. “That’s quite the risk to take. The poor thing’s so old, it might fall apart as soon as the tailor’s needle touches it.”

He'd been crueler, before – called the dress a rag as he looked at you with disdain-tinted pity, swore that your reliance on the filthy relic must’ve been caused by some inherent failure of your homeland – but your heart still clenched just a little tighter in your chest at his veiled disdain. “I’d like to try, at least.” Your hands curled around his collar, your frown taking on a more pleading note. “Please, my lord?” A pause, a tightened hold. “Please, Ayato?”

It was his given name, loving and tender and so rarely spoken in your voice, that did him in. He relented with an airy groan, letting his head roll forward in faux exasperation. “We’ll see.”

You beamed, but he was too lost in you to notice, already preoccupied with pressing open-mouthed kisses into your shoulders, your neck. The sash of your yukata was drawn loose, your sleeves pulled down to your elbows and your body shifted onto his desk, where he could spread your legs apart and bury his face between them. Your eyes drifted back to the cherry blossoms trickling past the window, but whatever tree they’d been falling from had finally been stripped bare. All you could see was the bright, cloudless sky – blue enough to leave you burnt and begging for a storm.

Two springs ago, the Kamisato Estate had been overrun with finches.

It’d been a comedy of errors, in hindsight. Ayaka had taken up a fondness for a new kind of flower – one native to Sumeru, introduced to her by an outlander with golden hair and knowing eyes. Thoma, the miracle worker that he was, quickly found a way to propagate it in the estate’s garden, and within the month, little violet blossoms had consumed all that they could reach despite the best efforts of the gardeners to keep them in-check. It would’ve been a delightful problem to have on its own, but the peak of the infestation happened to align with an annual migration of a type of finch that happened to hold a particular shining for a plant with a similar shape and color and— well, anyone could’ve guessed what happened next.

It was a nightmare for Thoma and the other groundskeepers and, since Ayato was staying in the city on business, paradise for you. You spent your days in the courtyard, showing the servants’ children how to braid crowns out of vines and press flowers between the pages of books stolen from Ayato’s personal library. You and Ayaka fed seeds to the red-crowned invaders and coaxed them close enough to pet and sketch, as little talent as you had for the latter, and she listened as you rambled excitedly about the crane-headed whistles you used to make every summer for a very wealthy ornithologist with very slippery fingers. She was just as lonely as her brother, albeit significantly less deranged, and you – trapped, isolated, desperate you – were the perfect victim for her. The two of you were never quite friends, but you came close that spring.

And then, Ayato returned. The flowers were uprooted, the children sent back to their chores, and the finches driven away with nets and stones and salt. You sobbed for hours the day the final flock left, and by means of consolation, Ayato presented you with a blue-speckled wren in a cage of pure silver, silk flowers bound to the bars with yellow ribbons as a reminder of your lost haven. To this day, you still aren’t sure if he meant it to be as cruel of a gift as it was.

You made it all of two days before risking another month spent shackled to Ayato’s bed and sneaking past the guards posted at the estate’s frontmost gates, the golden cage tucked against your chest. You released it in the woods, somewhere with plenty of tree cover and places to hide while it remembered how to be a wild creature, and watched with a smile as it fluttered past the cage’s door and into the open air, eventually landing on the leaf-littered ground.

It hopped all of three tiny steps before a fox emerged from the underbrush and swallowed it whole.

“Are you still with us, love?”

You should’ve gone limp. You should’ve acted as if the pain had gotten to you. You should’ve pretended you were dead to the world and that you couldn’t feel his cock languidly thrusting into you and that you’d gone numb to the searing iron slowly cooling into against the small of your back but, for as resentful as your mind was to him, your body was entirely subservient to Ayato. You tried to respond verbally, and when your voice caught in your throat, you forced yourself to nod, the motion small and shaky. Ayato rewarded you with a breathy chuckle, a fleeting touch to the curve of your spine. A hundred pinpricks of purified agony accompanied his touch.

The silver brand had been commissioned from the finest metal crafters in Inazuma City, made to resemble the warped camellia that was the Kamisato Clan’s crest, and you let out an agonized scream as Ayato drew it back and pressed a calloused thumb into the tender patch of burnt skin. “You always do make such pretty noises for me.” He circled the shape of the white-hot bloom, drawing out another ragged whimper. “It’s a shame I only get to hear them when you misbehave.”

You wanted to apologize, to beg for his forgiveness, but try as you might, you couldn’t seem to remember what you’d done wrong. You hadn’t tried to run away. You hadn’t talked to any of the servants. You hadn’t done anything aside from smile and sit beside him as he spoke with the head of another clan – an older man whose eyes burnt into you for the entirety of their brief conversation. As far as you could tell, he was just a particularly shameless nobleman trying to decipher the curiosity that was the Yashiro Commissioner’s reclusive bride, but Ayato hated letting other men gawk at you at the best of times. Such prolonged exposure would’ve surely brought out the worst of his possessive habits.

You felt something tighten in your chest, catch in your throat, but you only realized you were crying when Ayato’s lips ghosted over your cheek, the gentleness of the gesture quickly replaced with the brutality of his fingers tangled in your hair, your head forced down and into the plush of his bed. You body threatened to collapse, but his free hand fell to your hip, keeping your back arched and your ass raised as he ground lazily into your cunt, in no rush to put you out of your suffering. “I think,” he groaned, lust heavy in his voice. “We’re going to have a big family. Half a dozen kids, at least.”

You beat your fists against the mattress, shaking your head violently, and he twitched inside of you. “They’ll have your eyes,” he went on, a sadistic delight in his voice. “And my swordsmanship, and I’ll love them as much as I love you.” He paused, the head of his cock scraping against something deep and vulnerable inside of you. “Well, almost as much as I love you. As much as I can.”

You tried to struggle, to get away from him, but Ayato held you close, his grip as unrelenting as his slow, aching tempo. With a calculated sort of grace, he leaned towards you, slotting his chest against your back and bringing his mouth to the shell of your ear. “You don’t think it’s too soon to start, do you, darling?”

All you could do was try and fail to scream in response.

The first gift Ayato ever gave to you was a necklace the color of freshly split sapphires.

He insisted that you not think of it as a present, that you consider it little more than justified repayment for an item from your stall broken by the clumsy fingers of one of his couriers, but it was a present, it couldn’t be anything else. His courier had paid for the ruined pottery days prior, and yet, he’d sought you out in person to apologize with that sun-bright smile, to let his fingertips brush against yours as he passed you a satin-lined case with a perfect, ocean-blue velvet choker tucked safely inside. It was a beautiful thing, embellished with silver and dripping with transparent crystals, but you’d liked the color most of all. It’d reminded you of Ayato, and there’d been a time when you treasured any excuse to think of him.

You’d worn it the first time you saw each other properly, too. The occasion wasn’t formal enough to warrant something so needlessly extravagant, but you couldn’t seem to stop smiling for the entirety of your brief-meal-turned-seven-hour-conversation, and as your night came to an end, perched on the edge of a cliff underneath the Raiden Shogun’s palace and breathless from laughing, he told you that if you weren’t careful, he might just fall in love with you. You’d told him that, if he waited a few more days, you might fall in love with him, too.

You’d been wearing the same necklace when he broke your heart for the first time. It’d been an overcast day, the sky a clouded blueish grey and the shogun’s fury just barely audible in the far distance. He told you, with that perfect grin and those lonely eyes, that it really was terribly improper for the lover of a commissioner to run some meager stall in a sweat-soaked market, that he owed you better than a cramped room on the outskirts of the city where you had to wade through hours of farmland to reach anything of importance. When you said that you enjoyed your work, that you adored the back-breaking labor of your craft and loved having neighbors who would leave baskets of cabbage and lavender melon on your doorstep in exchange for misshapen cups and off-pattern bowls, he laughed as if you’d said the funniest thing in the world and cupped your face in his hands, pulling you into a kiss deep enough and sweet enough to make you forget whether or not you’d agreed with him.

You were brought to the Kamisato estate less than a full month later and had yet to leave since.

The final garment was delivered two weeks before your wedding day. You watched from your pavilion as Ayato met the courier at the estate’s gates, accepting a large package wrapped in scarlet silk and brushing off the guards’ attempts to carry it on his behalf. You were embroidering, that day – a delicate, time-consuming art that Ayato praised in comparison to the messy, unpredictable medium of clay. You loathed the monotony of it, the strictness of the patterns, but it meant Ayato was less likely to break your fingers when he found you scrounging away spare mora in the hopes of some perpetually eventual escape and so, you embroidered.

“My mother’s dress,” you said, as soon as he was close enough to hear you. The wooden hoop was forgotten in your lap as you stared up at him, hope written clearly across your expression. “Do you know what they did with it?”

His grin widened. “Eager, are we?” You nodded frantically, and he added, “If I’d didn’t know better, I’d say you care about a dress more than your own betrothed.”

He settled next to you, the package laid across his thighs. He moved to unwrap it, then pivoted – his attention shifting as his gloved hand took hold of your wrist. He’d been touching you more delicately, lately, something you couldn’t help but link with his long-brewing but only recently materialized desire for children. It was a problem you elected to deal with later on, after the wedding, if only for your own inability to process just how horrific of a problem it was.

(There was a part of you which knew, even before your conscious mind could bear to accept it, that you would never be able to love something he put inside of you. Ayato’s obsession was enduring, able to feed off of nothing and contort reality to suit its needs, but your love had always been a rational thing, bound to end the moment it became inconvenient to house. Your love for your homeland died with your mother. Your love for Ayato died with your abduction. And, whatever love you could’ve had for a child— no, a shackle would die the moment the foul creature was born. You could hold no affection for a child that was made in Ayato’s image, that would be cleaved from your flesh for the sake of his happiness, and if by some miracle you did love the monstrosity, then you could only assume it would be because you’d abandoned all hope for yourself. Both futures seemed equally grim.)

“Ayato,” you simpered, leaning against his side. “Please?”

He rolled his eyes, playing soft as he handed you the oversized package. “It should be wrapped separately. I said I didn’t want to see the finished product until the day-of.”

Your hands shook as you undid the many knots. A smaller bundle sat within, separate from the tumor of ivory fabric you forced yourself not to linger on, and you took it up with a desperate sort of keenness, practically trembling as you tore it open with no regard for the integrity of its packaging. The crimson silk was torn away to reveal—

Blue.

Dark, never-ending blue.

“The color came out so beautifully. I’m glad you protested the way you did – otherwise, I might’ve never known we were missing something on our wedding day.” This time, you didn’t fight as he tore the remains of your mother’s dress out of your hands, holding out a sash the shade of apathetic night. You searched for something familiar, for something you could use to ground yourself, but it was absent of all recognizability, desecrated to the point of being all-but alien to you. “It had to be dyed, of course, but I’ve been told the process only cost it a moment of its integrity. The tailors—”

You blinked, but your vision remained black when you opened your eyes. Your body was lurching forward, and then you were in Ayato’s arms, limp and buzzing. Ayato was laughing, as shocked as you were drained, and you made no effort to pull away from him. “My poor little wife. I know – the anticipation’s almost too much to bear.” He pressed a kiss into your forehead. “Why don’t we spend some time together, like we used to? I think I can push my obligations aside for the day, considering the occasion.”

You didn’t respond, but he gathered into his arms regardless. He had always seemed to prefer you as dead weight.

You did end up in red on your wedding day, but you doubted you’d be getting married, anymore.

His own sword slid and out of his back with a wet, gripping noise – only interrupted when the blade slipped in your hands and hit bone rather than viscera. Blood splattered against the white of your kimono with every plunge, staining the susceptible fabric easily and leaving you struggling to keep your feet underneath you as the puddle of scarlet grew deeper, as the screen walls began to drip and your lungs filled with copper and iron. Ayato, the ever-worried lover that he was, had come to check on you before the ceremony, fussing over your blank eyes and the tear-tracks that had ruined your make-up twice, by then. He’d been concerned, but giddy, unable to keep himself away from you despite his many promises of tradition and decor.

He'd made it three, maybe four minutes before beginning to toy with the clasps running down your chest.

You’d taken up the first thing you saw – a hand mirror gilded with shining rose gold – and brought it down on his head.

That, on its own, would’ve left him with a scar and little else, but you’d worked quickly, drawing the sword from its sheath on his belt and bringing it down into anything that seemed vital, anything you could reach, anything that bled calming, soothing red. He stopped moving on the fifth strike, his uncalled upon Vision going dull on the sixth, and on the seventh, you heard someone call for the guards.

You waited until you could hear their footsteps before falling to your knees, bringing the point of your blade to your stomach and clenching your eyes shut, praying to any archon who would listen that you’d hit something they couldn’t be healed, that they’d lend you a more merciful fate than another jail cell, another lifetime of entrapment. You plunged the blade into your stomach and—

And were met with little more than a cold, blunt sensation and a bottomless pit of despair.

You opened your eyes, your gaze flickering from your ice-coated blade to the doorway of your dressing room, now occupied by Kamisato Ayaka, one hand raised and her Vision pulsing at her side. Guards rushed in on either side of her, grabbing at your shoulders and wrists, but your stare never left Ayaka, her parted lips, her flushed cheeks.

Her bright eyes, just as blue and just as lonely as her brother’s had ever been.

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aluraveil · 5 months ago

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sunday and ayato are both very alike in certain ways.

they both have sweet younger sisters that they care a lot about, are the heads to their respective families, have a lot of influence and power, hell they both even have blue hair for fucks sake.

but when it comes to their darling, they are both alike and different in terms of how life would be like with them. for instance they're both alike in how they would want you to be well acquainted with their sisters.

ayato loves his younger sister ayaka very much and wants to protect her from the corrupt and shady side of inazuman politics. ayato has and always will be a family man and his family comes first before everything else. not to mention, ayato needs a heir to continue the kamisato bloodline.

sunday loves his younger sister robin a lot. sunday was very close with his sister during their childhood days and he would even listen to robin's mini concert with him as the audience and a couple of other stuffed animals. sunday loves his sister, but he also both loved and cared for the people of penacony. sunday cared for them so much to the point where he didn't care if he suffered, but if everyone else could live in paradise in a sweet dream for the rest of their life, then it would make his suffering worth it.

they're also alike in how their darling wouldn't be able to escape them at all. ayato is known as someone who works behind the scenes and he has somebody else do the dirty work himself. ayato is a master strategist and he has the shuumatsuban on his side. the shuumatsuban mainly deals with espionage, gathering evidence against corrupt officials of inazuma, and they're loyal as hell meaning that they report whatever they find to ayato. the shuumatsuban is willing to give up their life if it means protecting their lord ayato against an assasination attempt. ayato will also have the shuumatsuban on your back secretly watching you in the shadows as you go about your day inside the kamisato estate when ayato is forced to be pulled away from you due to his never-ending pile of paperwork and meetings inside his office.

escape certainly isnt possible with ayato that's also how sunday can relate as well. sunday was someone who secretly conspired with the order behind everyone's backs not to mention he also managed to hide it until the very end. if that doesn't prove that sunday is a master conspirator then i dont know what will. sunday was also shown to have many different birds lying around penacony as a way for him to spy on certain people and things. with no doubt, those birds will be watching you like a hawk perched on top of a tree branch making sure to make eye contact with you- almost like a warning telling you not to get any funny ideas since the bird is around.

though they're alike in many parts, they're also different as well. for instance, they both handle escape attempts very differently.

ayato finds it so cute and adorable whenever you try to escape. the moment that you're forced onto ayato's feet on your knees when the shuumatsuban drag you back is quite amusing to him because of the sour look on your face. in fact, ayato even encourages it. ayato's a sly bastard who knows just what to do and say to get you all riled up and the worst part of it is that he does it on fucking purpose. ayato openly mocks your escape attempts because of how desperate you were and he just sits back and enjoys the show whenever you try to reason or argue with him.

sunday also finds escape attempts funny but after a certain point, they're not so hilarious. sunday finds it frustrating with how frequent your escape attempts become and at first he humored you but now he's just straight up dissapointed. sunday believed that if he allowed you to try and escape, you'd realize how futile they were and just how powerless you were compared to the head of the oak family. after a while, sunday just opts to cuffing your wrist to his own that way you can be with him at all times and that way you can stop making his birds work overtime.

but to pair both ayato and sunday together with a darling would be a recipe for disaster. to pit two yanderes who have a lot of money and influence together would make them an unstoppable duo. having them both share a darling would just mess with their head due to ayato's mind games and sunday's annoying proximity with you due to the cuff binding your wrists together.

lets just hope you would never get stuck in this situation between this deadly duo of yanderes.

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pomegranate-theater · 24 days ago

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USURPER / YANDERE KAMISATO AYATO — part two to [Sufferance], and the final of [Dysfunctional Marriage]

Summary: Ayato’s plans for you get ruined when your mental health collapses. He believes he can fix you, however, a tragedy occurs.

CW: fem reader / past non-con mentions / eating disorder / suicidal thoughs and idealition / suicide attempt with graphic depictions / gore / injuries / thoughts about abortion and self-mutilation / self-harm / heavy depression and other mental suffering / tokophobia / forced pregnancy mentions / mentions of infanticide / forced feeding / vomiting / suggestive / ayato is really selfish and manipulative / forced marriage / body horror / groveling / nightmares / heavy angst with no comfort and there’s not really any happy ending. Word count: 14,4k.

Not suitable for minors or anyone uncomfortable with the mentioned triggers! You’re reading this at your own responsibility. Reader is really going through it all along with losing her mind, and the story is very dark. Check the tags twice before you read it.

I will not lie, I myself have cried while writing this, but I think this is how realistic reader's suffering would be, considering what has been mentioned in the first part.

Doing an inspection on your belly in front of the mirror has become a regular routine for you. Every day, in quantity of multiple times, your mind forced you to stand here and watch out for any change in the lower body’s size — any bloating or roundness, small or terrifyingly going ahead of your feet.

Seeing your reflection was the most difficult after eating — naturally, your stomach would expand being full — making you paranoid that it’s the pregnancy you’ve been willing to escape. Your phobia has reached a point where you decreased your food intake just to avoid the sight you’d dread the most.

However, sometimes you had to quickly move away from the mirror, being reminded of what had transpired few weeks ago. Ayato stripping you, both figuratively and literally, imprinted a memory in your mind so vivid and harsh the visions of it constantly haunted your imagination.

It shouldn’t have made any sense any other day, considering you were used to Ayato repeatedly forcing you to bed with him under an excuse of participating in a marital duty — in his words, not one sided, supposedly with an effort from his side too. But this one time, being exposed and made to finally witness what he’s been doing to you almost everyday thanks to that cursed mirror, reminding you of how bad the act actually was, or how shameful your body was to still react to it, is what pushed you to be scared to close your eyes in case you’d be hit with the picture.

You didn’t like seeing yourself naked in the mirror either, not willing to see a bump or invisible marks his hands have left, so any inspection was done through the layers of kimono. The only comfort you received was when your period came, signaling you’re not pregnant; that is until your body becomes malnourished enough to be deprived of menstruation. And couldn’t women have a slight bleeding, spotting, when they’re pregnant?

Ayato still hasn’t stripped you of the form of birth control, a fact confusing yet making you live in constant distress from the uncertainty he was leaving you in. Your mind suspected it could be any second when he decides it’s the time for you to conceive, just needing to decide which occasion would be most optimal, with your life having been figured out from the very first moment of your marriage. Deciding for you was only his right, being a whole believer he knows what’s best for you despite not even once being in your mind. Your clan wasn’t your clan either, with him making decisions along with you; never you alone, but you wouldn’t receive the same luxury of choosing for his clan.

As your legal guardian, he could have made you do anything really.

More confusing, the fact he hasn’t touched you much lately. Perhaps you’ve became ugly to him, looking all miserable upon your ongoing distress you’ve been buried in the entire time starting from that night; or perhaps he was torturing you by making you believe he gave up on idea, just to punch you with it when least expected and with you starting to relaxing.

You definitely have lost some weight, you noticed when deciding to finally get away from the object intensifying your frighten; especially when you felt as if soon, you’d be hallucinating about being heavily pregnant with your breasts painfully swelled and leaking colostrum that would turn into breast milk hours after going through labour.

Pregnancy couldn’t happen when it wasn’t about having a family, but your husband having taken the last part of you to steal — the gift of being able to create life, cursing your womb with his seed and your body with a reminder of him.

As you left the room, you froze in spot when hearing a voice behind you.

“You’re here again,” it said with a sigh. “Let’s go, servants have set up the table, and it’d be rude to waste their work because you didn’t eat.”

You slowly turned around, not willing to see your spouse so soon after the war your mind has just went through, as if to intensify your unpleasant memories.

“Ah… I’m not hungry—”

“I’m afraid I can’t take no for an answer. You’ve lost too much weight,” his voice was stern, but not unpleasant — yet. You took a step back when he moved closer to you, and flinched when he put a hand between your shoulder blades to lead you.

Even traveling through the obnoxiously long and creaky floors, the trap set for assassins yet feeling directed at you, your mind was a tangled yarn of thought; pushed through the odd haze and fog your covering any rationality lately. What bothered you was the fact that Ayato hasn’t yet acknowledged the issue of you watching your body and guarding it. He for sure would have noticed everything about you, so him acting ignorant made you worried that perhaps he doesn’t care about how you feel about future children, with the only right answer you having them anyway.

You suddenly noticed something about yourself too — your legs moved, and you were breathing, and others actually perceived your physical form. You were a real person, flesh and bones, not watching some dream your head played. It was all real, and the person you’ve been seeing in the mirror wasn’t an illusion your mind has created.

You paused in your steps.

Ayato looked at you, a brow raised. “Is there a reason for you stopping us?”

“I’m real, aren’t I?” you asked, stuck in some stupor, and lifted up your hand to feel your now cold face; your blood no longer as warm as it used to be, and having removed any glow from it.

Ayato’s eyes showed confusion at your question, not sure why you’d be asking him something above obvious; until his eyes were pensive and he sighed, understanding the implication no matter you didn’t.

“Yes, you are indeed real, my dear. You’re my wife, walking with me to go and eat dinner.”

After entering the dining room, with you placed on the seat by his side, Thoma was soon to bring in different dishes — ones you’ve frowned upon already. The cruel fate, you were about to look bloated again and maybe it’ll turn into a child that an archon has put in you, and maybe that baby will eat at your organs from inside and take away everything from you the same way has done; a baby looking just like Ayato—

You jumped in your seat when Thoma placed his hand on your shoulder. “My lady, are you feeling unwell? Please, you’ve been staring at the food and not eating… It’s not good for you.”

You looked between Ayato and Thoma. The contrast between these two could drive you insane — Thoma’s motherly look and Ayato’s sternness — but you knew better to separate them from each other. Thoma was still Ayato’s most loyal subject, not yours, and while he could care for you there’s things he’d not do for you.

“I’m not hungry. I don’t have any appetite,” you protested, your distress quickly reaching familiar, uncomfortable levels.

Your head snapped to the side when hearing your husband’s firm tone, “I’m afraid it’s not the matter of you having appetite at this point. You should eat regardless, as you’re ruining your own health.”

You’d like to tell him it’s all of his fault, that you’re not being defiant but had your mind to be destroyed by him, but when are you ever being heard?

When you stood up to leave and flight, a hand grabbed your wrist and shoved you down onto your seat, provoking a trashing motion in your body to do anything to defend yourself.

“I’m sorry for what I’m about to do, dear, but you leave me no other choice.” He didn’t sound sorry at all.

With Thoma holding your body from behind, having moved here without you even noticing, Ayato’s hand gripped your jaw and forced your mouth open. That made you feel as if you were choking already, until he shoved not even chopsticks but a ramen spoon into your mouth, filled with as many added ingredients and little of soup as possible.

You gasped and you tried to spit food out, only for him to have predicted your move and shut your mouth, forcing you to chew and swallow. “Eat it. You’re not getting away until you have eaten something,” he warned, lowering some harshness in it to not startle you too much.

All the plans of forced feeding were ruined when your throat made a lurching sound and both men quickly gave you space, realizing what’s about to happen.

With your stomach kicking out everything, so basically none, it was landing on the tatami; with the acid smell managing to soak into these.

One of them, if it wasn’t imaginary, rubbed your back soothingly.

The housekeeper was kind enough to wipe your mouth with a napkin, not once judging or frowning at the disgusting mess you’ve created. It couldn’t be more disgusting than blood or flesh.

“Please take her to our room, Thoma. I’ll have a servant come and clean this mess,” your husband ordered and left ahead of you two. The mind worked to assumed it was truth he hated you and found you unattractive, as the duty of being a caring husband was ruined with him abandoning you here… which didn’t bring a negative impact on you to its fullest potential. You felt like a leftover of a person when he avoided you, yet you were comforted by the fact he wasn’t there.

You reveled in not having been touched for weeks.

“Let’s go, my lady.” Thoma helped you stood up, and with carefulness, he lead your step back to your gilded cage.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, struggling to voice out his request for you, until he gathered enough courage, “I’m aware your body cannot handle food, but can I at least offer you some mint tea? You must be dehydrated, and as much as I don’t want to scare you, you must know this condition could even kill you.”

Your stomach twisted at the idea of expanding your organ. However, death seemed like a worse option. Although, entertaiing the idea of death has been on your mind everyday. If you're dead, he can't reach you here. Sufferance can't reach you. Truly, what else did you have to push forward, other than the sense of pride and stubbornness? If anything, you might be an idiot; delusional, believing in someone coming to save you or you being shook awake and told the nightmare is over. “Alright, but just a little…” It was a matter of choosing a lesser evil.

“Yes, just a little.”

•

Falling asleep has come to you at the moment that felt random, despite late hour. Keeping up with time has shaped into difficult lately, your mind whirling and not being sure if it’s been minutes or hours that have passed.

You only could have predicted it must be that late when Ayato finally has joined you on your shared futon, stirring you out of your sleep.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to awake you,” his voice was calm, but laced with his typical tiredness. Perhaps if your marriage was… more consensual, you would be helping him with work, as his own mother had to. Yet with Ayato having pressured you into a difficult situation, one meant to fill you with unwillingness, and work was a risk of communicating with others, he had you as if some sort of eye catcher to appear at his side during guest visits instead. That’s all you were, really, a sign of his wealth.

Living with a lot of time on your hands was a perfect argument to call you ungrateful for not liking the situation if you didn’t have to work much, disregarding the fact it wasn’t about money but freedom, and not being raped, and not being forced to have children, and not being shoved through mind-torturing games.

You only hummed in response, and didn’t try to move away when he laid down next to you and gathered you in his arms. Your mind refused to see it as affection, other than a way to make you feel as if you’re caged to him even your sleep.

Even more when he stroked your face, looking at you with an unreadable expression. “Can I expect you to wake up early tomorrow, my dear?” he might have used a tone so soft, if it wasn’t ruined with the fact it wasn’t really a request — just polite way to tell you what to do and check your obedience.

“What’s happening tomorrow?” you asked, your voice uncertain. Any plans Ayato had made with you usually were unpleasant ones, so you safely assumed next time would be just the same.

“We have a doctor visiting us. He needs to check up on you, considering your terrible condition. I am still your legal guardian, so it’s only my responsibility to take care of your health.”

His face turned to be suddenly of confusion when you started to shake in his arms, and your breath was so irregular it turned into hyperventilating. “What’s wrong? It’s just a small visit, you won’t be poked with needles or…”

Only you could have understood your own mind, despite his belief of superiority over your intellect, as words he said were read in the most paranoid way. A doctor. Women who are trying to conceive have to seek out a doctor first. A doctor makes sure they’re healthy enough to carry a child and helps them prepare. That’s why this future father must be intending that, wasn’t he? He has left you alone for weeks, only to crush you back with what he’d planned that unfortunate night. “Two children… you want a family too… you’ll get used to it…”

Your mind didn’t even conclude of the doctor appointment being for your ongoing malnourishment — it couldn’t have when you were scared of something much bigger.

“No, Ayato, please, I’m not ready!” you begged with hysteria and words so familiar to you, proving you distress furthermore when broke into tears, the same pattern from back then.

“I don’t understand why you’re so shaken up, my dear. It’s just a doctor visit and nothing bad will happen. I’m merely making sure you are healthy,” his voice still carried confusion, but he didn’t dare to shame you for your state if it’d make you only worse. He could tell you weren’t being whiny nor faking your behavior, and with still so many questions in mind, he decided to deal with the problem first. “When something strange happens, instead of trying to find out the what could have caused it, it is better to look at the situation itself” — was his common cold logic you’ve hated so much as it didn’t take your emotions into account, forcing you to bottle them up and feel neglected.

He sighed and grabbed your hand, squeezing it hard to attempt grounding you. “My dear, I promise you, nothing bad awaits you tomorrow. Now, breathe with me.”

You couldn’t, not in eyes of paranoid head overthinking and cherrypicking his words-“nothing bad awaits you tomorrow”, so any other day something bad will happen.

Ayato for once cursed under his breath, grasping how serious the situation was.

He was quick to call out for Thoma, who appeared in a matter of few seconds, having recognising the unusual, urgent tone in his master’s tone. “What’s going on, my lord-“ he rushed out, assuming the worst. He was right when he noticed your state, and he quickly kneeled down to both of you. “Oh no, is she having a panic attack?”

“It’d appear so. Thoma, that doctor who was supposed to be here tomorrow, go and send someone to seek him out now. I’m afraid his presence here cannot wait anymore.”

The man was quickly on the case, standing up. “Understood, my lord.” He ran out of the room, knowing the doctor can’t really refuse even if his house was to be burning — that’s how important Kamisato were.

You were reactive again at the news, finally and at long last actually unable to breathe at the notion of doctor coming now. When the helper noticed your passing out figure, he spoke to you loudly, “No, don’t pass out. Stay awake. Just focus on my voice—”

Alas, you were out like a light.

•

Opening your eyes couldn’t be pleasant with a sight of an unfamiliar man, possibly an another on list of people to decide this woman hasn’t suffered enough. With your yukata open, he was using a stethoscope on your chest, chilling you with the coldness of its metal.

Sounds didn’t reach your ears fully yet — they sounded muffled and distant, blurring into one mess.

You were shaken more awake with this man waving his hand in front of your face. “Lady Kamisato, can you hear us? Please don’t worry, you are safe.”

You tried to shove the hand away, being annoyed by it obstructing your vision, but you couldn’t even lift up your own. Your body felt so limp, additionally, as if it weighed almost nothing, blending into the futon under you.

You had to depend on your voice then, too brittle to be called alive. “No… stop this…”

“My apologies.” The doctor moved his hand away from your face, and acknowledged another person in the room. With your ears getting clear, you made it clear to be your husband. “She should be fine, for now. Her heart was elevated too much, but I suspect it’s not just stress but dehydration and malnutrition. There’s a few things we can do, but… it’ll require her cooperation, for which we need to get her into a better… mental constitution first.”

Your voice caught only few words from the doctor, but Ayato’s voice, you heard clearly. You were so scared of him you’d recognize it even through the miles, being wary of him ever approaching you — “I see. How long until the tranquilizer wears off?”

“Give it an hour or two.”

You flinched when you felt a hand on your forehead, gliding your hair back. The futon shifted under a new weight. You finally managed to move your heavy eyes to look at your husband. You weren’t sure if you were this delusional, if he looked sort of worried to you. Maybe it wasn’t worry towards you but what your behavior could cause? “You have quite scared me, my dear wife. You weren’t breathing and then… you collapsed,” his voice sounded less confident too.

Your thoughts wandered to your theory from before. Wasn’t the doctor here to check up on you to make sure you can start for a child? “Ayato… why is the doctor here?” Even in your sedated state you had to make sure you’re in control of the situation, with some awareness of it.

He looked at you with a frown, assuming it should have been obvious after all the weeks worth of degradation in your health. “Well, the priority was to help you and make sure you’re alright after your attack the last night. But the initial intention was related to your latest… stress and lowered food intake. You have not been yourself, and you’ve lost too much weight. I’m sure it affected your body a lot too.”

You weighed his words, trying to look for any hidden agenda. “It’s about my health? Not about pregnancy?” you asked, your eyes so wide from fear and shock.

The doctor and Ayato looked at each other in confusion. “Pregnancy? Are you telling me you’re pregnant?” Ayato’s gaze was now intense, needing to know the truth, and his heart raced, both in dread as it wasn’t a right moment, and excitement as it’s still a mention of what he’s wanted. He assumed you were saying you suspect you’re pregnant and have been hiding it from him, despite it being weeks since the last time he was intimate with you, possibly your stomach just not growing much yet… albeit, if that was the case, your child would be in extreme danger with your body state.

“No!” you quickly protested, no matter if weakly with your state. At least you hoped you weren’t pregnant, considering your paranoia. “I just thought… the doctor here is to… prepare me for it…”

His gaze relaxed, but the frown didn’t leave, and disappointment burned. You were saying such weird things lately; especially now. “No, that’s not the reason for his visit… now is the worst time for you to be getting pregnant.” You swore you saw some dissatisfaction for the moment.

Ayato was off-put by your assumption too, when you were acting more worried about the possibility of getting pregnant than the fact you were destroying your body and losing your mind. Perhaps that was the very cause—you being scared of starting a family with him. In any case, he’d try to get you back in shape and out of this feared thinking.

And you couldn’t believe his words, wondering if he’s playing with you. “R-really?” your voice was too hopeful to his liking, but he’d accept it for now. It was just a stress having accumulated and not released to a while, so once you get better…

“Yes. I promise you that.”

After a few more minutes of clouded doctor doing different measures on you, your eyes closed once again, needing rest when drowsy from the drug.

Doctor took him to another room, needing to discuss your state.

The first thing he said to him was intense, “I hope you’re aware she’s not in any shape to be getting pregnant now. It’s not just the fact her body would be incapable of carrying pregnancy safely, endangering both her and the child with her starving and malnutrition; but also… the risk of postpartum depression or even psychosis is high with her mental state. I’m sure you understand what both could bring, especially the latter…”

Ayato sighed, but he nodded. “Yes… it would only be counterproductive for her to be pregnant now, and would lead to tragedy. A mother being depressed is not going to keep the child taken care of either.” The healer was taken aback by Ayato’s prismatic and technical thinking, detached from what the pain it’d bring you too; yet he was not allowed to judge.

“Although… what does psychosis truly would imply?”

Doctor’s expression became solemn, knowing it’s a dark topic. “A lot of the time it keeps the mother disconnected from the reality and have warped grasp of it, however… there’s been a few cases where besides neglect, it led to her attacking her own child or herself, or even killing them… not out of malice or cruelty, but at fault of their mental state involuntary to them. They could assume they’re doing this as protection from the suffering a world could bring. Lack of support is likely to make their state worse too.”

Ayato’s breath hitched and he had to grab onto the wooden armchair of the couch. Multiple thoughts caused a disarray in his head: if your mental health didn’t suffer, would you still end up in this state if pregnant and it’d be his fault for not predicting it? Would you really be so unwell to have killed your own child? Would you really feel detached from motherhood? Would motherhood really be that dreadful for you?

Was he at fault? Perhaps he’s dropped the pregnancy bomb on you too early… Maybe he should have mentioned it once you’re even more attached and willing. What a stupid mistake from his side.

His heart ached for you; but the selfish need to have a family with you still remained in the back of his head. It was the only thing missing in his life, and he has assumed you’d want it too; considering what you have lost.

“I understand. Please make sure she gets in her best shape, any means necessary. I believe in you, Doctor.”

“I will try my best, Lord Kamisato. The only thing we can do from now is try to put her on medication to relieve her stress, and make sure she eats enough. Albeit, she can’t eat too much at first, so her body doesn’t get in shock…

…But you really need to make sure she eats. One of the effects of starvation can be infertility,” he warned.

Ayato cursed inside his mind. This wasn’t how everything was meant to happen. He expected some struggle from you, but not you actually breaking. Breaking you into more acceptant version, one loving him and your children would be acceptable; but leaving you shattered like a teacup was unacceptable. He still cared about you, in his own way—while he was forcing you to do things you didn’t find pleasant, he still believed them to be beneficial for you, and taken into an account for you to prosper.

Yes, he’s been wanting you obedient, but it’s because he knew what’s best for you and how to keep this family safe upon constant risks. Yes, he was keeping you here, but there were assassins outside, and only going out with him, with one of his ninjas watching you from the distance could keep you not targeted. Yes, he’s been initiating to be intimate with him, but he wasn’t a stranger and wanted you to see it as a normal part of marriage.

Yes, he was trying to make you both parents, but it’s because you both had none.

•

You were being destroyed from the inside. A creature inside your stomach, IT was tearing apart at your womb and eating any part of it. IT was gnawing at your skin, stretching and tearing it until it breaks. Blood was everywhere but IT only drank from it and demanded more.

Your body was dry and skinny, deprived from any nutrition on life as IT has stolen it from you.

IT was Ayato’s helper, ready to steal more from you than he did. Ayato could have done it only externally, so IT grabbed everything from the inside.

That’s why you were a dead, dead body, only managing to walk and feed IT. You weren’t you, you were a vial for IT.

And once IT is born and has done starving and depriving you, another IT will take its place to have just as much fun; if not more. Oh, how IT would laugh if another IT joins it, both at the same time. Your body would beg to regenerate its cells at the maximum speed, recognizing the need to feed IT that was above you, to everyone around you.

IT will carry the stench of your decaying body, the blood and placenta all over it, but only you will smell it, until it rots on your body. Your portal will be ripped open and never heal.

You are just a mean to an end to IT. IT will be worshipped and the future, while you would be only praised for carrying and delivering IT.

You weren’t you, you were IT’s mother. IT swallowed you, despite IT being inside of you. The usurper ruled your womb, and you were born to be taken apart by it.

IT was a part of you, but IT deserved more than you ever had.

•

The servant brushing your hair become frightened and jumped away from you when you woke up with a bloody scream, as if you were being skinned alive.

For a moment, she didn’t know what to do, not even once in her life seeing someone behave this way. “My lady, you’re okay—”

“Get it out of me, get it out of me!” you screamed frantically and got on your fours, trying to bend your body in a way where it doesn’t feel as if your stomach was being ripped apart from the inside.

The servant was freed of her duty when Thoma stormed into the room, anyone else and him having heard the scream throughout this chamber. Screams most concerning when you were behaving as if in agony.

You were crying, and so was the servant, both startled and worried for you, and it had to be the housekeeper to hold onto your hands so you don’t try to beat at your stomach. Ignoring your trashing, he pulled you into his arms, squeezing you hard to not let you get away and to keep you safe. “Go and find Lord Ayato,” he passed to the servant, it being the only thing she could manage at the moment. “Do it!” he barked seeing her hesitation, until she finally caught to his words and ran from the room to find your husband.

“My lady, please, tell me what are you so scared of?” he asked, feeling shaken up himself. You’ve been frenzy for weeks, stuck staring into the space as if absent, you were not eating, you were visiting your wardrobe for some reason, you looked troubled and anxious, but it was last days that truly were difficult for you.

“I can’t… take it out of me…” you gasped out, crying violently into his chest.

His grip on you tightened, moved by the vulnerability in your voice. “Take out what?” his tone was worried, wondering if you even know what you’re saying.

“That cursed creature of child!” you begged, and your body shook.

His body tensed, shocked by your words. From his knowledge, you weren’t pregnant. You couldn’t have been pregnant if it was clear to him that you and Ayato hadn’t bedded for weeks, having no sheets to clean due to certain liquids.

“My lady… you don’t have any child in you. You’re not pregnant. It was just a nightmare,” he spoke more softly, wanting to reassure you with a truth you desperately needed.

He knew it worked when you halted in your crying for a moment, trying to understand if he was honest or lying for his lord’s benefit. “Y-you promise, Thoma?”

“I promise. You still have your period, don’t you?”

You realized he’s right. You still had your period even if you were nearing the point where it’d disappear from malnutrition. When you nodded, he could have felt your muscles relax somewhat; still frightened and not fully back in reality, clinging onto his words.

He held you for a bit more, until the door has opened.

Ayato looked at both of you, standing in the entrance and towering over you both with a watchful gaze, his eye twitching a little at the closeness of his wife in another man’s arms. He spoke, “I can take it from here, Thoma. Thank you.”

“Yes, of course, my lord…” He slowly released your body, and stood up, trying to not give into your whimper of beg when you weren’t so eager to be alone with blue hair red man.

He waited for Thoma to leave, and when he did, he kneeled down in front of you. His hand landed over your cheekbone, gently wiping through tears for you, as if making sure to not startle you. When you lowered your gaze to look at the floor, he let you do this, for once in months not forcing your chin up to be looking at him.

He didn’t ask you anything yet, having a hunch you’d be too emotional to not get double emotional under his words.

Seeing you get a bit exhausted, he scrambled you into his arms, and gently laid you both down on the futon; even ignoring the stench and wetness of your sweat on it. He can wash himself or the futon, but you did require to be watched over.

As you lied on your side, staring blankly at his chest, for a moment forgetting he’s here, you felt the safest inside your mind; or rather inside the detachment of it. The emptier your head was, the less you had to experience your dreadful reality and acknowledge the fact that all of that had happened indeed had happened. That Ayato is real, and that he has taken away from you and planned to do even more, and your future children would take from you — they’d join him in thievery.

It was his question that snapped you out of the comfort zone, and you looked up at his concerned expression. Was this really him? You didn’t like him being conferenced. Him being rough was painful and scary, nonetheless that’s what you were used to, and that’s what let you read his intentions. New emotions raised new concerns and questions for you to solve to think of ways of protecting yourself.

“Is it possible for you to tell me what did you dream about?” You shuddered at the inquisitive wording.

“I…” your voice trembles and you held onto your stomach. “I thought I was with a child… but it was a monster, destroying me from the inside…”

“… You saw a baby as a monster?” he tried to confirm, his voice uncertain. In his experience, he was usually surrounded by women cherishing their children. His own mother loved him and Ayaka dearly; even if oftentimes too employed in for them, as result having to leave them with a nanny. The idea of a woman dreading pregnancy is something he did understand, considering the possible pain, complications and consequences behind it, but seeing children as something evil…

“It’s a parasite. I don’t want a baby inside of me.” You thought Ayato has stolen everything from you that night, but it was actually going to be you having your children — he’d conquer your body, have it used for something else, and then your children would join in both being heavy on your body; then occupying your existence with having to take care of them that you never wanted. Theorizing, if you and Ayato had entered marriage normally, willingly, you’d be happy to have children. In reality, how can you have them and be happy when it’s with a man like him, especially too sorrowed and minced to take care of yourself and let alone them?

Seeing him in them would make you want to cover their faces with masks to wear everyday.

Over above, you yearned to keep something to yourself, if you couldn’t have the most.

These children didn’t deserve to be born either. Ayato was cruel to think of letting them live. There was a possibility he’d love them and make them laugh — a sentence was in making them have a mother who’d have to force herself to take care of them, to never be affectionate with them and treat them like they did something to her; inputting guilt in them for having been enforcing her struggle — that was the true selfish act here. There’s no way they wouldn’t catch up with the dynamic between you two, realizing something is wrong. Children were more observant that people gave them credit for.

You were more merciful towards them than Ayato. You were more self aware than him despite you being the one losing your mind here.

“A parasite—a baby is not a parasite, my dear—” his words were quickly cut off when you slapped his face. You both became ice sculptures, frozen and not moving — him from the shock, and you from the realization of what you have done. The fear overtook you, hitting twice hard after a break from discipline for weeks, thinking he’s going to slap you in return or punish you.

You closed your eyes and flinched when his hand was coming near your face, expecting the force even more painful than your own. What you felt instead was Ayato pinching your cheek, not even hurting it.

You opened one eye, too scared to see his angry face fully. The second popped open when seeing his teasing gaze instead, wondering if you truly have lost your mind. The last time you’ve really seen this sort of expression was months before your wedding, when he was still making you smile; when you were still living in pleasant oblivion of who he truly was. He was expected to be angry at your disobedience, not treating it lightly and looking soft as if you’ve committed a silly, honest mistake.

“That wasn’t very pleasant, darling.” He pinched your cheek again, chuckling like an angel. “Now we’re even.”

This was wrong. This felt wrong. He had no right to be affectionate and playful as if he was love and on honeymoon, all happy.

“That’s it?” you mumbled out, the additional dread added, panicking at your lack of knowledge.

He feigned confusion, “Well, would you want me to punish you?” His words caused the well known desire to beg to stop, and you quickly shook your head. “Then let’s say that’s it. Now, go to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

As he watched you fall asleep, having no choice when you were exhausted and almost feverish from your distress, he had a thought in mind.

The bird with an extraordinarily long tongue, one that used to speak a lot and share any anecdotes, had its tongue cut off and couldn’t chirp anymore — it was only not thrown away, pitied and not used enough.

•

When you have woken up, you were surprised to see Ayato still lie next to you. Usually, he wouuld have been off to work already. So unusual you had to steal a glance at the watch on wrist he always wears, and grow confused at it being 8am.

You couldn't believe he was late for once. You shook his shoulder, ready to kick out your husband to have some space under the excuse of him having to work. “Ayato, get up! You slept in,” you urged.

Eventually, he heard you and had his eyelids lift just in half. Looking at you, he spoke in a drowsy tone, “No, not today. I am taking a break. Go back to sleep.”

He pulled you closer, while you were still confused by his words. Why was he suddenly taking a break? Something was wrong, especially combined with the way he has acted last night. You've never liked him hiding his intensions from you, as they usually landed up being awful when finally manifested.

However, you could have only settled down in his unmoving arms; still awake as you were too anxious. With his break, it was no surprise he was taking advantage to sleep for all times he couldn't have.

Using you as a pillow too, with his head on your shoulder. You had time to observe his peaceful expression, one that makes it unimaginable of what this man was capable of. It wasn't just you who was his victim — it was corrupted politicians despite him being corrupted himself, anyone threathening his family or stability, or even innocent people he liked to provoke just to see theirs reaction. Innocently pulling the strings for people doing his dirty work was a bonus.

Him being handsome gave him a whole of privelege to further make you seem the villain — of course people automatically assume that good looking people can't do bad, while ugly have to be the offender. If you were to go to the outside world, who would have really believed you? Should they have been given a chance to witness your dynamic first hand, some of them would still try to judge him to be innocent to look for some reason of his behavior in you, blaming you for causing him to have taken this course of action with you.

If you could, you'd tell other women to never marry a man much richer than them — there will be always a power imbalance and their husband not acting on it was only men’s mercy, not a right given to these women.

The wait has turned into an hour when he finally set you free to sit up, stretching his body. The slightly grumpy expression was almost cute to you, and you would have teased him about it if you didn't want to not give him attenttion. He turnerd to look at you, observing you intensely for a moment, as if assessing your state. You were still a mess, naturally, so there was a lot of work ahead of you.

"Good morning, my dear wife."

“Morning…” you muttered. You didn't feel good about the idea of him having a break, even if normally appearing selfish taken out of the context — you wanted as little time with him as possible. He smiled at you, not too widely, and mentioned, “I know the situation is very stressful for you, and that is has taken a toll on your body... that's why me and our doctor has decided that you should start taking a medication. Nothing too bad, I swear, before you start having some unsavory thoughts.” He grabbed your hand to hold it while delievering the news.

And he was right bout the thoughts — your fate was to alwasy be suspicious of any of his actions. Won't the medicine make you feel weak and foggy, so he can take advantage of you further? The subservience potential creeped up in your stomach, forcing cold sweat over you. “Is it neccesary? Is there no other way—?”

"If you will cooperate, we can go anywhere you like."

Your mouth opened and hang in this position, not believing at the sudden offer... or rather coercion. Which didn't mean you weren't desperate to go somewhere other than this cursed estate and old, boring places not too far away from the estate explored enough as another tool to make you feel crazy . He then enticed you further. “We can bring Ayaka too. She's been worried about you and I'm sure she would love to come with her sister-in-law.”

The idea of Ayaka being there with you was indeed comforting. Another person to turn to when talking, not being suffocated by his presence alone. Ayaka was kind, and while usually on her brother's side, she wasn't aware of the reality of your relationship. Despite living here together, Ayato was still a mastermind who managed to turn the situation to look in different vibrating to her — “Sadly, she's still mourning her parents and cannot help but be stressed by the situation” type of gaslighting. Not to mention that the estate was so big you were quite separated from her, with her not being able to enter this part as it was your chambers — private for two lovers.

“All I want from you is to take that medicine and eat some light breakfast. You can’t swallow it on empty stomach, let alone ruin your health further with neglect. You're getting so skinny rapidly, that I actually…" his voice cracked. Then tears appeared. Less than ten, but that was a lot coming from Ayato.

You froze in your spot, having an urge to turn your head away and leave the room. He deserved all the pain in the world, but seeing him weep, it was most shocking. You weren't used to seeing him spill much empathy on you, let alone cry... was he really that worried for you? Did he actually care? Was he finally regretting what he has done to you, or was it just guilt?

"Um... please, don't cry, Ayato..." you moaned out in distress. You didn't want to take care of responsibility for his own misery when you had enough burden of your own, and when it just wouldn't be fair to now also be his therapist.

Ayato wiped his tears, looking at you with something akin to embarassment. "Ah, how shameful of me... I just don't want to..." his voice cracked again, "…see you go,” he choked out.

You were really uncomfortable, almost feeling bad for him as you weren’t as cruel as him, so you have finally given in, just wanting him to stop tormenting you like this. "Okay, I will do what you asked me of. Just… calm down."

He perked up at your words. "Really?" when you nodded, he smiled. "That's a relief. Thank you." With both hands on the sides of your head, he pulled it in to kiss your forehead.

As you were about to leave, the aversion to eating has returned at prospect of seeing your stomach expand and believe there's a child within you. Ayato noticed, deciding to just now reveal his assertions. "Listen to me carefully, my dear... I think I've realized the reasoning your visits to the wardrobe, and if I'm right what’s the cause, I promise you that you're not pregnant."

"O-oh, yeah, that makes sense..." you tried to agree, for now, pushing through phobia to earn your reward.

He slowly stood up, helping you too. Holding your hand, he led you out of the room, ready to recite to his cooks to what create for your sensitive body.

•

You were positively surprised to see Ayaka join you at breakfast, even if she appeared concerned enough to gnaw at your chest and hurt it with guilt. "Oh, dear, I was so worried about tou!" she voiced out like a worried mother, and took you away from Ayato, helping you sit down next to her. You were so skinny compared to your previous weight, you looked so worn out like a rag being squeezed out of its water, your hair has surely thinned out too, and your nails always carefully painted were now chipped out along with your chapped lips. Not to mention you seemed somewhat incoherrent, your reactions being slowed down.

However, she tried to not give a feeling of judgy, not wanting you to feel insecure.

“I know you had trouble eating… so how about we start with something light? A bit of tamago and vegetables?” Ayaka asked.

You were still unsure about eating, having it imprinted in you to your bone marrow, yet with you were feeling so weak lately, combined with the truth you were told you are not pregnant and you were weak against Ayaka, you nodded.

Ayaka smiled widely in relief and praise, and placed some plates in front of you. “I think matcha is bound to make you nauseous, so try peach tea… do you want honey in it?” she poured you cup and you thanked her.

The older brother watched over you two with no comment, letting Ayaka do her magic.

•

After breakfast, Ayaka took you away from Ayato and to her own chambers, wanting to put some sparkle back in you.

As she was combing your hair, you had to admit it was the most pleasant feeling in a while.

You found comfort in Ayaka because she didn’t take from you. While she could be almost as cunning as her sibling, she was usually more selfless and any “selfish” things she wanted was just spending time with you when others couldn’t. Thoma, the second closest, might have not been stealing from you too — however, he was Ayato’s apprentice, more loyal even than a dog.

“Say…” she started, her soft hand gently gathering your hair back. “How do you feel about… motherhood?”

Ayaka immediately regretted poking at that part of you, seeing you quickly turn from content to panicked as if you saw someone being killed. However, maybe she didn’t expect this sort of reaction, yet had her suspicions for a while.

“No, no, I’m so sorry—” she said, feeling panicked herself, before she hugged you from behind, holding you to her chest. “Forgive me. You don’t have to worry, I won’t tell my brother anything. I promise on my late parents.”

She hold you for a few minutes like this, waiting for you to calm down. Her heart twisted when you gave a confession you desperately wanted someone to not just hear, but acknowledge and see as right and not overdramatic. “Ayaka, I don’t want to be a mother,” your voice cracked and you started crying.

Now she understood the extent of your unwillingness. When her brother has mentioned the idea of you soon trying for a child, she assumed your reaction to be stress at first. When your state has been getting worse and worse and Ayato kept telling her it’s because you were reminded of your family this way, her gut instinct whispered to her that it wasn’t entire truth — she wasn’t a clueless, naive girl either. And now, you have confirmed her suspicions. You were actually terrified of having children.

She just didn’t know if you’ve never wanted them, or if it’s with Ayato. “Does my brother not know that?” she asked, fearing the answer.

“He does. He thinks it’s a matter of changing my mind! That once we’re there, I’ll want it! But I know I won’t! And it’s not an idiotic gamble!” you said hysterically, unable to control your anger once I someone allowed you to let it out. “It’s only what if you’ll enjoy it, when there’s also what if you don’t!”

“I… I’m sure brother is just this eager, but surely he must understand now…” she tried to explain his behavior, still refusing to see it as truth. Yes, her brother did sometimes scare her, only to be soothed with care for you both a second later. But the extent of your depression lately, the rumors — you wouldn’t behave this way for no reason. It wasn’t a tantrum, it wasn’t stress, you were actually killing yourself with some dark mist growing from inside of you and swallowing you more and more everyday.

She had more material to be assured when seeing you start to tremble. “No, don’t cry, I will talk to him. You don’t have to have children if you don’t want them… I-I mean, I’ve always wanted them myself, so it’s not as if the future of this clan is not possible…”

Her words sparked some hope within you, but they weren’t enough. Aren’t you using her this way, because what if she’s lying to take a burden onto herself? Will Ayato accept an heir not coming directly from him? Will he accept the idea of not having a family on his own, one he’s desperately wanted?

“You don’t have to—” you protested. “No, it must be done,” you were taken aback by her serious and sort of angry tone. The idea that someone was on your side felt unreal, and you were worried for her.

However, you knew that once Ayaka sets her mind on something, she’s an unstoppable force.

You lowered your eyes onto the floor, as she reassumed her actions, to think the conversation didn’t happen. “Let’s not focus on it now. I just want to pamper you a bit, before we head out.”

Soon, your hair was styled up nicely to fit your features, a slight makeup was applied to hide your misery and remind you you’re still a human, for these gentle hands to help you dress up appropriately to today’s chilly but sunny weather.

When you two met Ayato outside, he froze for a moment, before retaking his calm expression— a smile adorned his face. He didn’t remember the last time you looked this lovely and not beaten up.

“You look beautiful, my love.” He approached you and pressed a kiss to your forehead, before he draped his hand over your waist to led you to the carriage.

When Ayaka observed you two, despite Ayato’s affectionate gestures she’d typically see as his love and care for you, she now paid attention to your reactions as a priority— you looked rather tense, with your eyes widening and flinching in almost fear.

Were you being paranoid or has Ayato been hurting you?

•

You slept throughout your ride, despite wanting to desperately watch the view outside. Your head was against his shoulder, with Ayato occasionally glancing down at your face despite blue eyes drilling holes in him.

He had to acknowledge Ayaka’s weird language. “Something’s wrong, sister?”

Ayaka blushed at being caught with a nervous squirm, only to shake her head. “No, brother, I’m just worried for my sister in law…”

Ayato scrutinized her expression, thankfully not deciding to question her further. “I see.”

•

You were shaken awake upon arrival, hearing the shuffling of Ayaka setting up blankets and porcelain outside. You’ve request some place outside as the promised by him trip, where others wouldn’t reach, too embarrassed at the prospect at someone seeing your current state. There were already many rumors in Inazuma, hearing about Yashiro commissioner’s wife being in terrible shape, supposedly having come down with some mysterious sickness. You didn’t need to be scrutinized more than Ayato already has dissected you.

“Dogs are instinctually loyal. But no matter how well-behaved a dog might be, it gets unhappy if it's cooped up in the same place for too long.” — you didn't wish to hear that again either.

When Ayato helped you step out, you were met with a sight of green fields and flowers on top of the hill. Your breath hitched, and for a moment, you looked more alive than ever, that both siblings were surprised.

You’ve been surrounded by the nature in the estate, with wonderful gardens and flowers, but… they were only a reminder, mundane upon seeing it for years, and made to look more elegantly artificial than natural.

This was the true, raw nature, untouched by anything. You wished you were untouched by anything else too, and live in a place where only you exist. It was chilly outside, but it only added to the pleasantry of feeling the nature; and the sun still looked as beautiful. And if you were to get bored of the place, the wind would carry you somewhere else and you, a flower, would be creating more sprouts as the bee lands on you. Bee wouldn’t take but give and help you in sailing away like a sailer choosing to be lonely and not feeling lonely.

When Ayaka gave you food to eat, for once you ate and actually enjoyed it. When she asked you to help pick up flowers, you were at first hesitant, not wanting to disrupt that free nature, but gave in when she reassured they’ll bloom again the next spring, and when her trained hands shaped a crown, you let her put it on you.

You actually forgot Ayato was there, and when you remembered, you felt weird having realized he hasn’t interrupted you two yet.

Only when you were feeling tired again, he placed your head on his lap, stroking it to help you fall asleep. You didn’t want to accept his affection. You really didn’t. But you were tired, not even physically, so starved of humanity you just let him.

“I’ll let you know this is where our parents used to bring us. Me and Ayaka haven’t come here for many years after, until now,” he murmured gently, drowsiness making you feel loved by his tone.

Your brows furrowed, wondering why he was being vulnerable with you. “What has changed?”

“Finally it’s not so empty here… not if you’re here.”

•

Next days have been… surprisingly easy on you. Ayato has been acting gentle and affectionate with you, as if truly willing to help you get better; with pills helping you keep your nerves in check.

Nonetheless, back of your mind has never left you alone — is he helping you to get better, or to get better so he can finally try for your first child? Ayaka still didn’t inform you if she has confronted him, but for now…

You tried to catch all the peace you could. Finally at the state where your brain forced you to ignore any repercussions and let yourself to be taken care of, it was only natural. You had no choice, if you didn’t want to shatter against the floor entirely.

Ayato has been occupied, yet less as he let Ayaka take on more duties so he can spend time with you, pampering you. You were wary of his presence, a mechanism forced into you — in the past not ever being able to rest unless you were drunk or coming down from an orgasm — but you chose to be delusional willingly.

“A-are you sure this is safe?” you asked, seeing a set of tools meant for cleaning ears. A tradition in Inazuma, one you never had a chance to participate in, being busy with less relaxing activities put on you by your parents.

“Yes, trust me. I wouldn’t hurt your precious ears. I have an experience in doing this to Ayaka.”

“If you say so…” you said hesitantly, as placed your head on his lap. Your feet twitched when he started with a fluffy stick, feeling bit squirmy.

“Someone’s ticklish, hm?” he teased and you felt something warm within his chest. That tone voice, so similar to your time during engagement…

“No… everyone’s ears are sensitive…” you tried to bite back upon your embarrassment.

“Maybe, but yours especially,” he teased again, winning this small banter. It was easy to forget what he’s done to you, your mind thinking that perhaps you have overestimated his behavior… maybe he’s never been this bad and just wanted the best for you?

You no longer knew what was true. You couldn’t, when he constantly kept pushing you into different directions.

As he cleaned your ears, you ended up falling asleep like a baby. In your last moments, you felt his hand stroke your face and put a kiss to your hand he’s lifted up.

•

The place of your awaking was in the familiar bedroom. The spouse wasn’t here, so you assumed he must have returned to his duties. Some small part felt disappointment… not necessarily from missing him, if not the affectionate gestures.

You’ve decided to seek out Ayaka, wondering if she’d be willing to spend time with you; now unable to feel safe alone.

When slipping inside her chambers, you’ve been hit with flashbacks so many you almost fainted on the spot.

Ayaka and Ayato were arguing. The conversation that was meant to happen finally was in motion. What finally has truly broken you, with no point of return or hope you’ve been coming back to despite thinking it’s gone every previous time, was his words. You stood frozen, your every other sense than hearing being shut down to hear the final blow that’d kill you.

“She’s just not doing well at the moment. Once she is okay again, she’ll be able to have these children. This is what she needs to finally settle down!”

You felt a hand grab at your throat, despite not anyone touching you. Your hand immediately went down to the stomach, wondering if stabbing yourself would prevent the fatum placed on you; contradicting its definition.

Ayato has been fooling you the entire time. He wasn’t affectionate because he’s wanted you to get better. He’s been affectionate because he wanted to harvest you to be in shape to have children, to fulfil his selfish goals; or at least even if might have cared, this was his main intention. Those tears must have been crocodile, meant to make you feel bad for him. Your hopes were destroyed like the first time of you signing the contract.

He didn’t stop taking from you. He’s been waiting for you to regrow so there’s more to grab again. Then your body as it suffers from your pregnancy. Then your children would take too, and laugh at you while praising his work.

You truly had nothing left. You’d age with forced to watch them flourish, and them to have everything you couldn’t have.

Your entire existence has been made to be cursed, for you to be used, from the moment you were born. A child meant to never be loved but expected to work for her family with no minding to her own dreams, a child losing her parents, a child having to survive on her own while being used by her own family who refused to help, a woman meant to be given into the hands of some other disgusting man, a woman ruined by Ayato. Especially him — being given hope only for it to be crushed entirely the moment she starts to enjoy life. How had you even survived from the beginning? Did gods hate you? Did Shogun hate you? Was Celestia laughing at you from above?

You should have done this a long time ago — you thought of your intention, when withdrawing from the chamber to find a spot. You were stuck in some form of catatonic tension as you walked. Your mind didn’t think, but you knew where to go. Suddenly, everything looked black and white but you didn’t even see.

The thoughts of mutilation were forgotten — even childless, you’d still have to live with him. Maybe he’d force you to adopt. If you were to get pregnant somehow, you doubted you’d have any chance to get rid of the child yourself.

You wondered if your mother was as unwilling to have children and forced to have you, and that’s why she’s never loved you.

You were lucky find the laundry room unattended. You liked that — the last moment being filled with being alone, someone not wanting something from you for once; no matter if you felt awfully lonely too. Your life has started lonely, even being surrounded by people, and it will be lonely as it ends; creating a full cycle, perhaps meant to strike you once again in next life.

You thought about what everyone else would think. Would they regret not helping you? Would they feel guilty, not because they cared, but because it weighed on their conscience? Would Ayato be sad only because the object of his torment was gone?

You felt bad only for Ayaka, really.

But in the end, it didn’t matter if you’re going to be dead. In fact, you’d be pretty pissed to end up in some afterlife. It could be paradise of sort, but you’d resent to exist.

The only thing you feared, as you were throwing laundry rope over the beam in the room was you being stuck in Inazuma, walking around as a ghost. Ghosts and spirits did exist, the same way gods existed. Leave this world with problems unsolved and you might never ascend until you’re soothed and problems were resolved; possibly left to suffer and scare people with your moans for centuries. So at least, you removed your shoes.

When putting the seat servants used to wash and hurt their hands, you wondered how much Celestia hated people who commit suicide — were they mad their plans were ruined, the same way he would be mad?

You didn’t even notice when you were standing up on it and placing the noose around you. When jumping you down, you expected to hear a crack of the spine before you’d see black and not move.

After few seconds, you realized you were not out. Instead, you were suffocating. As a natural reaction, you started to trash, the instincts trying to stop the asphyxiation. Your body ended up swaying as a result, only tightening the noose you desperately tried to remove. It was different dying instantly from dying for many minutes of the worst torture.

Your jaw hurt and your eyes bulged out, along with your tongue. Your lungs burned, with you were to be dizzy and wanted to vomit. The rope dug into your neck most painfully.

You wanted to scream for help but your vocal cords were to shut off.

Within five minutes, you passed out, your last thought being of not waking up again.

•

Two servants were passing through the corridor, carrying heavy baskets of laundry while they gossiped.

“Seriously, I wonder what’s going on with our lady… Lord Ayato seems like a really good man, and he’s mentioned she’s been sick, but what exactly? To me, she seemed more troubled than sick…”

“I know, right? Do you think they’re having some conflict of sorts?”

“But what could they be conflicting about? Is it because he’s too busy?”

“I don’t know… but I wouldn’t mind marrying a man like him, even if bu—” Her innocent fantasy was cut off when both of them heard a loud noise from the room they were getting close to. It sounded like a heavy object falling, thumping against the floor and echoing with a dull sound.

They both stopped and looked at each other in worry. “Hey, do you think someone collapsed?”

“I mean… this room tends to be hot and humid, so it wouldn’t be a surprise…”

When they entered the room, their screams of terror shook the entire estate.

•

Ayato’s and Ayaka heated conversation were interrupted by Thoma barging in without knocking.

“Thoma, do you have no respect coming-” Ayato scolded in annoyance, but his friend cut him off frantically.

“My lord, your wife!” he said with the biggest fear his lord have seen before. Ayato immediately knew some tragic have happened, and suspected what it could have been considering your latest state. Were you dead? Ayaka let out a startled sob, more from shock for the realization would whip her fully.

“Where?” He didn’t even ask what transpired. He had to reach you immediately.

“The laundry room, in the third wing!”

It was all three of them that ran here, but Ayato ran the fastest. It could have been either you being so sick or you attempting… the latter was likely, if you ended up in a random location.

He barely stopped himself from vomiting when noticing you on the floor. You, purple, not moving, with your own vomit on the side, and… servants trying to resurrect you, meaning you weren’t breathing either.

He wasn’t thinking, he was now only acting — he shoved the servant away, not caring about them landing, and took over the act. He was ready to crack your rib if he had to, whatever that’d not stop him from saving you.

“Go get a doctor!” he screamed at everyone standing around, most frightened from all of them as if he finally decided to be a human.

It was Thoma who had most courage to leave and seek out help, and other servants had to force Ayaka out of the room who was desperately trying to get to you.

His heart broke when it’s you who had no choice and be the broken thing, but he kept pushing onto your chest while blowing air into your mouth.

You couldn’t die. His mother has died. His father has died. And you were going to die, not even by some assassin’s hand, but your own; if not his?

He sobbed the hardest when he saw your chest finally move, you inhaling air.

You barely opened your eyes after, but it was you staying with him. You’re not going anywhere, you couldn’t!

Not comprehending the situation to the frustration of your brain, you wondered why was it raining after your death. But when hearing the familiar voice, begging you to be okay, you realized it was the same animal pound of hell. But… the devil was crying, for once being honest and not deceiving. Shame it was so late. And it wasn’t better late than never situation.

You wanted to tell him to go away, but your throat couldn’t speak. The last thing you’d heard, barely, was a sound of someone else bursting to the room.

•

In your unconscious state, you saw an unfamiliar to you woman. She looked like you, but wasn’t you, and she couldn’t if she actually laughed, and her hair was healthy, and she served customers ramen with a smile on her face, eagerly listening to their stories.

And when her work was done, she walked on her way home, through a road decorated with lavender melon trees, a sun soon about to set and create an orange hue as warm as the day was.

And when she entered her house, she had her cat greet her, before they both would sit down to read together and when they woke up, her face was bright as the sun when noticing the hydrangeas had finally bloomed.

•

The dream was over when you woke up, a distant memory of what you’d daydream everyday as a teenager. The reality was much different, too scary to not be spread between multiple people to make it more bearable.

Your chest hurt. Something suffocated your hand and hurt it too.

“Darling? Can you hear me?” Ayato asked desperately, with some happiness in his voice. When you nodded, he asked another question, “Can you speak? It’s okay if you can’t, you’ll get there.”

“I… hate you,” is the first thing you could have said when waking up. You’ve said it many times in the past, always brushed off as a defiance or emotionality. But you’ve meant it every time, and this time especially.

Ayato’s hand gripped yours more tightly, surprisingly devoid of scolding. “I know,” he admitted quietly.

The words were unimaginable to hear, however, too delayed after months you didn’t feel relief at him agreeing with you. You were never heard and you weren’t heard now either, it was just something he had no choice but to admit or he’d look like an ignorant fool.

He really had to try hard not to cry again. Tormented when finding himself confused by his own emotions, deciding which ones were frustration at the miscalculation and being denied, which ones were guilt and which one was love and empathy for you being provoked.

As the doctor assessed your state, trying to talk softly realizing you were now the most vulnerable and at risk of repeating the gesture if left alone, Ayato’s hand didn’t leave yours the entire time.

“She thankfully can still speak, and her spine wasn’t damaged. The rib will heal, but… you have to be really patient with her, Lord Kamisato. She will recover physically, but getting to be stabile is a very difficult and long journey.”

There was one more thing he hasn’t mentioned to you, but has mentioned to your guardian before you woke up — one you shouldn’t be hearing at the moment.

When the doctor left, you saw your husband’s face turn into anger. “How could you have tried this? How could you be so selfish and try to leave me? Try to leave Ayaka? Even Thoma? Do you have no respect for your own life or your own family?!”

The words hit you and you couldn’t process them with how severely unfair, unreasonable and cruel they were. You’ve just tried to end your life, after he has literally destroyed you and put you through worst things imaginable. He was the selfish one to take without being asked, to gain at your expense, and pretend a gilded cage makes it a fair trade — did you miss some detail that’d make him to be the one right here)

Your eyes were bulging out again, this time from shock. If you thought you felt agony, you would say now it would kill you itself. You didn’t speak. You let the words sink for a while, before you rebutted, “You ruined me, Ayato. How can I be selfish for wanting to free myself of this?” You didn’t even know how you could speak at this point, exhausting the last of breaths before it’d be just your body.

“I didn’t ruin you. I built you up. You had nothing, I saved your family from the ruin, I gave you a safe home and wanted to give you a family too!” he raised his voice at you, making you flinch.

“Then why did you have to treat me this way?! Why treat me this way? Why did you have to torment me instead of letting me live with you?!”

When he saw your eyes well up with tears, he knew he was fucking up saying those things to you when you were probably ready to hurt yourself again. The righteous man he was, he had to shake some sense into you. “That’s how order is built. If you weren’t led by me, you wouldn’t have survived a day in this family. You might have survived yours, but barely, and it’d never compare to MY family’s suffering.”

You thought you couldn’t breathe again. You were shaking, and you were sobbing so loudly you didn’t hear his words anymore. The pain in your chest intensified and you would pass out if provoked more. Your mind was being slaughtered by his words. He really thought order is more important than your wellbeing, and he disregarded any difficulties you went through, thinking it’s unimportant as long as his were worse. How can a human creature meant to be equipped with empathy to actually achieve the full build, could compare two tragic lives? “You…” you gasped out, high on panic. “Can’t push me off the cliff… and expect me to be grateful for you saving me…”

The words clearly struck something in him, as if having realization, before he was throwing frustration at you once more. “Things aren’t black and white—”

Too bad, as you started to scream with a cry for him to stop tearing you apart, and banging your head against the floor. It hurt, of course it did, but you preferred this pain than the one from the carved out hole Ayato has left in your soul.

And he immediately regretted his words, ones of wanting to blame you so he doesn’t have to blame himself, and could feed his selfish side not being satisfied. He quickly landed on top of you, holding your bleeding head under his hand so you can’t hurt yourself more; end up with concussion or even crack in your own skull — you probably would have reached there, at this point. He was scared, both for you and of you. His precious wife really had nothing in her to keep her going, and he had nothing to make her happy.

“Stop, please, I’m begging you!” he was crying too, holding your trashing form in his arms. He wasn’t holding you but himself too. “I’m so sorry, you’re right, it was all my fault! Just don’t leave me, I beg of you…”

The doctor who was on duty in the room next to yours, ready to tackle your possible episode in case you have it, has heard all and entered the room. He ignored the fact how uncomfortable for his employer it’d be to be witnesses this way, prompted by the wonder if it’s both of you that he had to sedate.

“Let me go!” you screamed again. “I don’t want to do this anymore!” The man forcing you to stay still cried harder seeing you beg to be taken away, and it was difficult for him to hold you down for the doctor to administrate dose.

His panic was soothed down only somewhat once you were no longer crashing down; for all that, your ongoing tears told him you were no longer with him.

He let the doctor patch your forehead, and it was only one less problem, swallowed by waves of much bigger cruelties thrown at you and him.

Ayato, for once in his life, had no solution to deal with so far and always to be the biggest problem. He could have ruled entire political organization and clan simultaneously, but fixing one broken woman felt impossible.

He held you entire night like this, even when you were barely coherent; not stoping after the sedate has worn off. You were stuck inside your own mind which finally has given up, as it couldn’t accommodate more tragedy.

Ayato felt like the most evil man in the world, even if as dissatisfied about having his biggest dream ruined by you — regardless of him never having a right to fulfil it at your expense.

If he hadn’t placed his own rules on you, scared of you going away or doing something stupid, you wouldn’t have ended up this way. He thought the worst can happen if he’d have taken this route of freedom, but stripping you away of all of it you had was the true tragedy. The other route, he failed to take your happiness enough into account, believing you were someone who needed to be controlled to finally have some weight off shoulder; and that if you went through so much already, you were a fighter to take this much before you come down.

But who he would be kidding if he said his needs didn’t come first? He was a man cursed with duality—to be able to both love and take. And the taking part was too heavy on the scale to weight it proportionately.

In the end, he had to ignore his disappointment — he wouldn’t and couldn’t take on this route again. The words, both yours and doctor’s left a heavy impression on him.

“You pushed me off of the cliff and expected me to be grateful for you saving me.”

And the unsealed by you, whispered out of your vision — “I wont be any gentle with you when I tell you she’s not allowed to have any children, even if one day you believe she’s doing better. Push her again, and it will cause another tragedy. Her mental wellbeing is too prioritized to expect her to take care of children.”

He’ll never have a family on his own. No replecament for his dead parents, just you and his sister. Not even adoption was an option, when you wouldn’t be able to carry this burden on your shoulders.

He looked at your form stating at the ceiling. “I know you won’t believe me, but I’ll do anything you want me to do. Just don’t give up on me. On us. On yourself. I need you. You can have all the freedom you want, just—” he buried his face into your neck, sobbing here — much more when you didn’t react, and much more when noticing the rope burns, and even much more when he saw your form hanging when closing his eyes. He didn’t want to close them ever again.

•

In the spread of the next days, he didn’t leave your side for more than the most important meetings; and had others watch you when gone. Anything else, Ayaka took over, even if she barely could work herself. It was clear he’s lost some of her trust, and that she was haunted by what you’ve done. The entire estate has been quiet too, with people acting as if they were mourning regardless you were alive — because you have died, in a way.

You were slowly waking up back to the reality, and he was still there, sadly. This time, any expression he’s shown you felt real and were real.

With your awakening, a certain thought followed you everywhere — if your state hasn’t ended up this bad, he’d still force you through his plans. You’d be miserable having children; but not enough for him to stop. You had to reach this point to hear an admission of his sins, and for him to realize he was so wrong.

“Thats it. You’re doing so well, my dear,” he praised as he fed you soup, with you sitting between his legs, your back against his chest and his hand ahead of your face. You no longer had to fear your belly growing after the doctor has told you you’ll never be able to have children, due to the damage your body has taken — no longer fertile, something you’d feel bad about for women who wanted children, and something you had to view differently for your specific case. You could only grow your fat and take back nutrition, but what then? What are you supposed to do for the rest of your life?

You ate the soup like a robot, not enjoying its taste, it helping you with your dehydrated tongue instead.

“Do you want to go the city soon? There’s a festival coming, and I know you must have missed attending these..” He frowned; seeing your head shake, having expected you to take on the rare chance. He sighed, but stayed patient. “I see. You must be still tired.”

“Do you want to lay down?” he asked when you ate more soup. When you nodded, he helped you to lower yourself to the futon, and placed your head on his lap. Ayaka has told him you like having your hair comb, once done by your favorite servant when you were a child, the only one you felt safe with, so he did the same for you. He wanted to cry again when seeing how thin and brittle your locks were, and he touched these with reverence. Hopefully, they will grow back soon.

Just, will you grow back again too? He knew there was some part of you he’ll never bring back, nonetheless, he’d take anything that resembled you.

“Ayato…” you finally asked, unable to let the question burden you further. “What about…”

“Yes?” he asked gently.

“The future of this clan? Do you resent me?”

His hand stopped between your strands. It’s been an answer he’s figured out already — only the delivery meant admitting his defeat and faults. “No, I don’t resent you. I don’t hide the fact I’m sad at the prospect of not having children ever, but I’d take that any day over losing you. And… Ayaka will be the one carrying the future of this clan and commission. She has expressed her feelings about motherhood to me, and she’ll looking for a suitable husband candidate soon. Though, I’m willing to give her some freedom in the choice, so she can pick someone she’s comfortable with.”

“I see…” You’ll seek out a shrine one day, wanting to pray she’ll never find a man like her brother.

“Then… what am I supposed to do myself?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, taking on the serious tone. You weren’t expecting to leave him, were you?

“I-I mean… am I supposed to… go back to our previous life? Just… waiting for you all day, not being able to leave, and meeting all these people?”

Ayato sighed. He was well aware you shouldn’t go through the same thing again; but he was also afraid at the idea of you flying away or hurting yourself by going outside. “We’ll figure out something for you to do. Perhaps you could help me with work? And… if you do well, I’ll try to make sure you have some fun after the hours too.”

“Can I leave on my own, then?” you asked hopefully, leaving him angry. He was afraid to crush your spirit again though, so made his words as delicate as possible, “No—I mean to say, not for now. Not because I want to restrict you, only because you need to get better first. After then… we’ll go back to this topic.”

With your understanding and unfortunate knowledge about him, you were quick to realize he might as well say no. “I want to know now!” you yelled. “I don’t want to wait for just to say no!”

Ayato’s hand tightened on the come, but he remembered he had to be patient with you. “I didnt say I’ll say no. If anything, it’s likely I’ll say yes.” Still no promise of saying yes, but you were baited upon your desperation.

“You promise?” you inquired quietly, scared of having the deal to be broken.

“Of course, my dear.”

•

When time has passed, Ayato’s words were proven to be right. However, to your despair, the sense of having lost something and someone that was you haven’t left, and you didn’t feel safe at your home you could never leave — the same old prison, now with gained privileges to paint the illusion of a choice and comfort.

Maybe Ayato didn’t touch when you didn’t want, excusing himself to the bathroom at random times of night; maybe he didn’t restrict you as much and kept you busy — all for there to be no way back to the happiness and stability from before the marriage.

He was still the same person who could never earn your forgiveness, no matter how punished and how opulently he’d repent… and you wouldn’t even call it repenting, but making it up to you — repentance would come after years of reparations. He was still the same person who has done all of this to you.

So when you find yourself at the top of the rooftop, you didn’t hesitate to jump down. You’ve failed the first time, but the second time was meant to be successful, no matter if more painful.

Your entire body felt broken, was broken, and you blissfully didn’t feel any pain yet, too high on adrenaline. As you bled, you heard screams, people in the garden circling around you, too scared to touch your form and intensify the damage they’d be blamed for. You having to hear your husband’s cries once more was the last before you lost hearing.

•

You woke up in an unfamiliar room, seeing an unfamiliar man with blue hair and purple eyes, and face so gentle you could cry — maybe the look of this precious man could soothe aches in your body too.

He looked at you in relief, softer enough make you feel good when waking up, and had to force a smile on his face. “You… I don’t know what else I can do…” he held your hands to his forehead, lowering his face so you wouldn’t see his despair. You’ve tried to leave him again; this time barely escaping death.

However, you could have only asked and shake him with the brand of your words, “Who are you?”

His head whipped up, looking at you in shock, blinking thrice. “Pardon? What do you mean, you silly thing? I’m your—” Then it hit him. The doctor has mentioned this possibility after your head has been injured.

He cleared his throat, as he wiped his tears, now speaking in a tone happy and affectionate. “I’m your husband. You’ve got me so worried, when you were attacked. But don’t worry, I’ve always taken a good care of you, and I will carry my duty for the rest of our lives. I’ll help you with remembering.”

Perhaps the gods have blessed him for his hard work for Inazuma’s sake, or perhaps they wanted to see one more act of the entertaining play—but Ayato would take advantage of this blessing anyway, having been given a second chance to start over.

It seemed you indeed would be reborn in another life, with a difference you didn’t have to physically die for it.

And if it was his choice to not mess up this time and take what he thought he would never have— this time, simultaneously keeping the balance of taking and giving, feeding you with an illusion of you always have been wanting these things — he can make you both happy, and grab what he’s wanted.

A trade truly fair, actually — at least, based on his beliefs always having crashed against yours.

Beliefs could be implemented into a blank canvas anyway.

Apologies if there were any mistakes or misspellings <3 I’m not best with proofreading longer stories, not with my attention span 💔

But yeah, Ayato’s back to being selfish — his love has just changed into more “fair” of transactional. Nonetheless, I doubt reader will ever have a chance to be happy, even if blissfully unaware due to being amnesiac (not to mention that body can remember trauma physically).

I’ve incorporated some of his voicelines as they were fitting; and I think this cruel man also likes order — there was another voiceline in imaginarium theatrum, with him being judgy about mondstadt’s archon letting people have complete freedom ahshsb

I also won’t lie, I’m terrified of pregnancies as hell… so this was pretty cathartic for me to write, though not a self-insert for myself — more of a depiction of tokophobia and how reader could act in such circumstances. I’m really often like “wait, women do it willingly?”, but I also feel very proud of them for being so strong <3

#cw noncon #cw gore #dead dove do not eat #yandere kamisato ayato #yandere genshin impact #yandere ayato x reader #genshin yandere #yandere kamisato ayato x reader #yandere ayato #kamisato ayato x reader #haniaistic—works.#cw body horror #cw pregnancy #cw sui ideation

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naviavu · 9 months ago

Text

Evergreen

PAIRINGS: yandere!alhaitham x reader

TAGS: mild compared to my other works <3, i guess, >:-), obsession, possessive sex, juicy smut, alhaitham is yandere YANDERE, he just wants reader back home :(, sumeru dream team, abuse of power, childhood friends to lovers, kinda, manipulation

WORDS: 4.4k // crossposted on ao3 // my masterlist

NOTES: hope everyone enjoys this dark twist of alhaitham! it's been so long since i wrote for genshin, and i'm not sure how much the tumblr community has changed. regardless, please don't hesitate to drop by my inbox to comment or request! i genuinely missed writing lol <3

You often think that you’re cursed with your work.

(Y/N) of the Akademiya. Graduated early from Vahumana, traveling all over the seven nations to be a teacher and provide impoverished kids with free education. This is the fourth year of your career, and you’re staying in Fontaine– everything is going great.

Until one day, a messenger approached you.

“What do you mean the stakeholders are withholding funds indefinitely?” A chalk breaks under your grip, powder falling to your skirt. You glance quickly outside the tent, careful to not let your students hear you. “That doesn’t make any sense– the Yorun investors are literally from Sumeru! They’re wealthy enough to fund fancier Akademiya projects! ”

The messenger– Jesse, a gentle Fontainian girl much younger than you– avoids eye contact and fiddles with her sling bag. “They insisted that the abrupt change in the sages and Lesser Lord Kusanali’s rise to power caused their resources to become… limited.”

“Oh, that’s bullshit!” You shout. Jesse trembles. You sigh and pat her head. “Sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to raise my voice. Get home safe, alright?”

(She only nods and places the letter on your desk. Before leaving, she turns back and says, “I’m really sorry, Ma’am (Y/N). I also wish that you continue your work. You’ve done a great deal educating kids in this neighborhood… including my brother.”

You give her a sad smile.)

There was no choice. The next day, you taught one last lesson to your students (eleven children from the back alleys of Fontaine, all no older than twelve) and bid your final goodbyes. When they ask where you’re going, you tell them that you’re on for another long journey, and you don’t know when you’ll be back. They gather around and embrace you, small hands all over your body. One of the kids (Jules, one brilliant in maths but not so much in literature. You’ll miss his toothy smile the most) tell you that they will pray to Focalors for your safety. You pat Oli’s head one last time, telling him to be good for his sister Jesse.

A carriage picks you up before sunrise. Your journey to Sumeru was uneventful, and every small bump and thud on the way aggravated you further. You settle for burning holes at the empty seat in front of you.

You enter the city with your head down, walking the familiar steps robotically. You think that you recognize the voices of your old acquaintances and neighbors chattering and laughing, but the haze from your mind (and heart) prevents you from doing the bare minimum of greeting them.

The first step to your wooden porch is a bittersweet homecoming. When you open your front door, the hinges still squeak the same tones before you left.

Your evergreen shrubs haven't grown an inch, as if someone was maintaining them. (You brush off this strange detail.)

Mindlessly staring inside your unkempt house, you decide that if you want to continue your life’s work, you must continue earning money.

(You failed to notice that your doorknob was dust-free.)

You sat down on your old desk and wrote a lengthy letter to the higher-ups for the cause of your arrival, the reason for the halt of your travels, and that you’re looking for a job.

For the rest of the day, you unpack your bags, sweep the floor, and pace restlessly in your living room. It’s been many years since you were in contact with your superiors. The last time you saw them was at your graduation, where everyone expected you to stay in Sumeru and be one of the next candidates for the Sage of Vahumana.

The grip in your broom tightens when you remember as clear as day your professors’ anger and judgment when you declined their offer. Entitled. Ungrateful.

Will they even accept you back? Will they cast you out?

To your surprise, a reply arrived on your doorstep not even a day later. A clean envelope embroidered with green and silver patterns.

You were offered to fill the vacant position of Scribe.

You tell yourself that you’ll adjust eventually.

Seeing the piles of papers and books in front of you, your hand aches a phantom throb. You wonder how your friend Lisa could survive this kind of monotony in Mondstadt. It pays better, sure, and your back and legs won’t hurt as much from traversing landscapes– but it’s still nothing compared to seeing the smile on children’s faces when they finally understand the concepts after a bone-deep, exhausting lesson.

As expected, the stick-thin pen felt too soft on your fingers after a few hours. You were more used to holding chalks or markers. Drafting ordinances and reading through academic policies was never your thing.

Outside your study, you hear the light footsteps of scholars while noisily prattling about one of their newest inventions. You can’t help but compare the plain white-green palette of your office to the brightness and energetic vibrance of the local districts.

Putting your hands on your head, you exhale deeply. “Fuck me!”

“--(Y/N). I hope you’re doing well on your first day.” A voice –not too different from years ago, just deeper– enters the room.

Oh god. “Alhaitham!” The silver-haired man closes the door behind him. You didn’t even hear his footsteps outside your office. “Sorry, my… hand cramped from signing all these papers. You know how it is.”

He raises his eyebrow. “Still not used to your tasks?” Seeing him out of his Haravatat uniform is a new sight. Even from a distance, his stature is much taller, no doubt towering over you.

“Well, I can’t really complain,” His lack of greeting and deadpan expression doesn’t bother you. If anything, you’re glad that the Alhaitham you knew four years ago is not too different from Alhaitham now. “It’s better than not having a job. I didn’t expect them to accept me so fast, though. I thought they’d be more hung up with my rejection thing years ago. Old people and their grudges, y’know?”

Alhaitham doesn’t respond, used to your chattering. He meanders to the nearby bookshelf and brushes through. Your lips quirk into a small grin. “Thank the Archons that I have my very cute junior, who’s also the Acting Grand Sage and the previous Scribe, to help me adjust with my new work, huh?”

His fingers stop skimming. He glares over his shoulder. “Power tripping me on your first day? I’m calling human resources.”

Your shoulders shake when you laugh. His own kind of humor never ceases to amuse you. “Sorry. It’ll take some time… but I’ll get used to this. I promise.”

A familiar and comfortable silence settles in the room. A few papers later, he finally picks the book he’s been looking for and turns to you. “Please do everyone a favor by going to Lambad’s Tavern tonight. Kaveh got into an altercation with another customer, and your presence would help tone down his temper. Tighnari and Cyno are also expecting you. Candace also mentioned that she hasn't gotten back to you since you last wrote to her, and she would love to catch up personally.”

Your lips smile at the mention of your old friends. Stretching your arms, you look out the window. The noise outside from Sumeru City barely hangs in the air with your office located so high up in the building. “News goes around real fast, doesn’t it? I’ve been keeping a low profile since last week and didn’t even tell anyone about my arrival. Not Kaveh. Not Cyno, not Tighnari, not Candace.” Your whisper, eyes downcast.

Alhaitham walks to the other side of your desk and crosses his arms. “The lack of funds for your organization wasn’t your fault, (Y/N). Whether it's because of the shift in power from the sages or not, incidents out of your control inevitably happen.”

You don’t ask why he knows the reason why you’re back here. Alhaitham always knew more than what he let on. “Don’t waste time being disappointed with yourself and focus on what you have now.”

You turn away, flustered from the sincere gaze of his bright virescent eyes. You take a sip of your warm coffee to hide your smile. “Thanks, Haitham. This is why you’re the best Acting Grand Sage.”

He rolls his eyes. The brewing tension disappears. “Make sure that I see you in the tavern no later than 10.”

The door softly closes when he leaves. For the first time in forever, this place starts to feel like home.

The lively, alcohol-drenched atmosphere in Lambad’s Tavern never changed.

Years ago, you’d go day drinking whenever your assignments were returned for their fifth revision. If your whole class was lucky, most of your group mates and colleagues will be with you, equally drowning in their academic-induced sorrows.

The amber-brown colors of the sheets and the patrons who entered remained the same. Before you even reach the counter, someone already picks you up and spins you around in a hug. “Little one! I’ve heard from some patrons that you were back in town. It’s one of those rumors that I hoped to be true!”

You giggle and embrace Lambad back, grateful for the older man’s warm welcome.

“(Y/N)!” You’d recognize the forest ranger’s sweet voice anywhere. Tighnari jogs towards you and pulls you into a hug, tail wagging. You notice that he looks better compared to all those years ago when he was still in the Akademiya. “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you sooner. When Cyno told me there seemed to be an occupant in your house, I didn’t expect it to be you! ”

Bitterness pangs in your heart. “I didn’t expect to be back either,” You say honestly. “Guess everyone needs a little break somehow.”

“Warn us next time, would you?” Cyno emerges behind his friend. “Be thankful that there was other urgent business to take care of. I was ready to… interrogate whoever was staying inside my friend’s house without their permission.”

“Yeah, yeah, got it, boss,” You shake your head and laugh. Three of you walk to a table near the windows. You’re happy to see everyone. And you’re glad to know that they’re also just as happy to see you.

After a good hour of catching up, you feel your whole body relax and your jaw tense from laughing too hard at Tighnari’s anecdotes. Your emotions unwind like a fresh flower by the streams.

“That blockhead doesn’t know what he’s talking about... Where are they? The tavern is too crowded at this hour!” You turn to your left, looking for him. You wave excitedly when you see a tuft of blonde hair.

His eyes widened. “(Y/N)?”

“Kaveh.”

“(Y/N)!”

“Kaveh!” The architect ran up and enveloped you in a hug. Since college, yours and Kaveh’s stupidity knew no bounds– it was always laughs and jokes between you. You stay in each other’s arms for a few moments, and the familiarity of his scent brings you relaxation.

The night goes on as great as it started.

“I can’t wait until I move out!” Kaveh exclaims. Two people from the other table look in his direction. Your other friends groan, used to his antics.

You notice redness starting to come up on the blonde’s neck. “You’re being really loud for someone I thought didn’t want people knowing you live with him.”

Cyno places down a card. Tighnari groans. “Don’t engage him. (Y/N). Or he won’t stop.”

“Yes! Yes,” Kaveh starts. All the other customers are busy with their own shouting and chattering. “Don’t get me wrong, I like the place. Alhaitham is a quiet roommate. I just can’t stand his attitude most of the time! If I wanted a lecture, I would’ve gone to the Akademiya and talked to my old professors.”

The blonde crosses his arms. “What about you, (Y/N)? I’m not going to lie, Alhaitham made a great recommendation of you being the Scribe. That’s the only thing I could commend him for this week, at least.”

“What?” You weren’t aware of that. Your thumbs fiddle with your skirt. “Uh, yeah. I’ll make sure to thank him later.”

“Oh, sweet (Y/N), you’re to kiiiiiind,” He slurs. “I wish you were my roommate instead.”

Your best friend reaches to twirl your hair. In your drunken stupor, you giggle with a light blush painting your cheeks.

A bottle clangs on the table. “Another one, please.”

A heavy presence sits beside you. You look, and Alhaitham was already downing a shot, throat bobbing.

In the background, your friends laugh while Kaveh groans.

Has Haitham always been this beautiful?

The silver-haired man looks at you. “Enjoying Kaveh’s tales?”

“It’s always a fun story when you’re involved.” You giggle, flushing under his gaze. “Everything about you is so entertaining, Haitham.”

Your flushed face does something to his chest. He gives you another shot. “That’s why your colleagues used to look at you weird. Whenever Kaveh wasn’t around, you’d hang out with me, even when I clearly wanted to be alone,” He laments.

“Says the one who used to follow me around like a puppy! We were mismatched weirdos,” You don’t notice the blush creep up on his cheeks. You smile at him earnestly, whispering. “I’m glad you didn’t change– oops!”

The chair creaks and you stumble into his arms. You look up, seeing his face and amber eyes close to yours. Heat emanates from the grip on your waist, and your hands feel hot on his chest. Sparks flew to your core.

“Get a room! You know what, I’m staying in Cyno’s tonight. He never sleeps anyway,” Kaveh’s shouts break the stupor and you push Alhaitham away. He stumbled, and Cyno was on his side in an instant. “You heard him. Kaveh, it’s time for you to clock out. Tighnari, let’s continue this game next time.”

The three of them exit the tavern. ‘Make Alhaitham pay the tab! He’s so unfair!’ Kaveh says, and Alhaitham begrudgingly does so when both of you have sobered enough to walk home.

You don’t know if it’s the leftover alcohol in your system, but the night sky swirls above both of you. “Ah… I never knew… howmuchImissedbeinghere,”

“Easy there,” He catches you again when you stumble. “Where are we going, Haitham?”

“To your place, of course. You’re exhausted from work. You need to rest.”

“What? But I thought…” Your mind goes blank. Alhaitham looks at you with hope in his eyes, but the light is gone in a split second.

“You thought what?” When you don’t answer, he stops on his tracks. “You thought what, (Y/N)? Tell me.”

“Nothing.” He looks away. You face him. “But… I think… my place is too far. Can we go to yours instead?”

You seal your fate with those words.

The heat from both of your bodies encapsulated the whole room.

Alhaitham’s hands slowly grip your curves. Passion and lust melted into two souls that yearned for each other for so long.

“Haitham…” You breathe out, shivering from his fingers ghosting on your skin. You feel like you’re on fire, and his warmth only served to fan your flames higher.

“I wanted you for so long… you’re so beautiful…” He gasps, fumbling around your blouse buttons. Despite his rough kisses, he handles you gently– like porcelain glass, a gift getting unwrapped for the first time.

When you finally undressed, Alhaitham almost couldn’t believe his eyes.

The one woman he had been obsessed with, laid out before him. His for the taking.

You shiver at his gaze. You hold out your hand, shaking from the cold. And arousal. “C-Come… Haitham… you can do whatever you want with me…”

And so he does. He climbs to your bed like a predator hunting the prey. You lie in wait as you let him take the lead. Kissing all over your breasts, suckling on your nipples, sending shivers to your core. You try to squeeze your legs for relief, but Haitham stops you by putting his knees in between your legs.

He clicks his tongue. “You’ll only cum on my mouth, fingers, or cock tonight, baby.”

You shudder at his words. Down he goes, settling himself between your soft thighs. You flush, your cunt surely eager and wet, aching for his touch. He licks a stripe in your pussy, and you moan. “H-haitham!”

He licks more eagerly, like a man starved. Never in a million years you’d ever thought that you would be this vulnerable and intimate. At the hands of your junior, no less. His face on your thighs and his mouth on your clit, sucking like you were his last meal.

Your head was in the clouds. Your hands move to his head, tugging roughly.

He growls. “You wanna play rough? I can play rough.”

You sigh. “Keep–going– Haitham…”

He spits on your cunt. He slurps on your mixed juices. “I-I’m close…”

He stops and you whine. Your legs are pulled to the end of the couch, and you watch him as he fumbles with his clothes. When he finally emerges stark naked in front of you, you notice his large cock, angrily red at the tip.

That won’t fit inside you.

“Wait– Haitham!” He positions himself in front of your legs, rubbing his cock on your entrance. “Yes, baby?”

“You– You might not fit inside me,” You flush deeper when he laughs. “I’m being serious!”

“We’ll never know if we don’t find out.” He enters you, and you moan. You try to cover your mouth from letting such embarrassing sounds come out, but he pins your arms above you. “I want to hear you.”

He rocks into you, like two bodies connecting with each other have waited for a long time.

Alhaitham observes your face, sketches it to his memory. The way your eyes glisten, and your mouth opens in pleasure. The curve of your hips and waist, the slope of your nose, the plush of your lips, and the tears in your eyes. You’ve grown into a fine young woman as he expected, and it was a blessing that you came home so unexpectedly.

Your pussy is heavenly. All his teenage fantasies culminated to this one night– his childhood crush, sprawled out in his bed and legs open like a slut. He’ll make sure that your skin is marked all over. Let everyone know that you’re his, and no one else’s.

“Haa… Feels so good…” You were equally drenched in sweat and your tears, pleasure overcoming your senses. You feel him suck your nipples again, sending you more pleasure to your core.

“You’re so fucking tight– that’s it, baby, suck me in,” He groans, as you feel yourself tumbling over the edge. The coil in your stomach tightens and you moan, and it suddenly snaps– “Ah!”

Your juices make a mess on his stomach, his thighs, and yours. You heave and gasp your breath, shivering.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe,” Warm arms envelop you, and you close your eyes.

You sleep soundly in Alhaitham’s arms.

Time goes on, and your passionate meetings with Alhaitham are repeated.

You gave yourself to him again, and again, and again. At his house, when Kaveh is away with his clients. In his study, when he’s stressed. On his couch, when both of you are drunk and give in to lust before going to the bedroom. For the past month, you can’t count how many times you woke up seeing the lush green of his windows and his warm body curled up around yours.

His visits became frequent on your own study. He brings you coffee. You spend the whole day drafting and writing, and he reads his book in the corner of your room like a loyal attendant.

It’s domestic. Sometimes, you often wonder what life will be if you decide to stay.

(Is there a future with Alhaitham? You ask yourself one afternoon when you see the man sleeping on your mini desk. His silver hair softly flutters in the wind, and on his hand is a document you handed him to put by one of the bookshelves.

It would be good if he could join me in traveling the world. You stamp your last document for the day.

You walk and place a kiss on his forehead to wake him up. “Work’s done, sweetie.”

You would miss him terribly.)

One morning, your jolly footsteps alert people in the street. “Haitham!” You whisper excitedly. The door opens, and you enter before he can even offer for you to come inside. “I got it!”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure what it is, but I’m proud of you.”

“I’m going back to Fontaine to teach! The stakeholders said there was an error in the calculations; they’re ready to fund my investment again!” You hug him tight. Joy pours out of your body.

(You don’t notice him freeze.)

“I’m so happy… I honestly thought that this was the end of my life’s purpose…” You trail off. Alhaitham hugs you back. His grip tightens on your waist.

“I can finally come back to the kids in Fontaine…” You trail off when you see him looking far into the distance.

You frown. You know better than most people that he’s not the most expressive person, but you thought that he would at least crack a smile for you.

You hastily pull away from your hug. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I just wanted you to know first, since you’re… very special to me,” Your face was red from shame, and from not knowing how to describe your relationship with Alhaitham correctly. “I’ll go tell Tighnari and the others now.”

A beat passes. “(Y/N).”

You turn around, hand clutching your bag. Alhaitham stands still on the doorway in the same position that you left him.

Then, he smiles– crooked and ominous, like he was forcing himself.

Perhaps he is.

A shiver goes down your spine. He speaks, confident and clear– like it wasn’t the most obvious lie. “I’m happy for you.”

The door closes behind him. This time, your feet fight the urge to get out of this city as soon as possible.

Your happiness ended as quickly as it came.

The newspaper plastered on the board of Port Ormos sits still despite the rough winds, like it knows how heavy the burden of the message it carries.

Yorun Investors dead on ambush

An Adventurer’s Guild member sighs, discouraged. A businessman– from Sneznhaya, you would assume from his attire– exclaims. “That would mean their investments are also cut off? Drat! Half of my businesses rely on their funding!”

People pile up to see the newsboard, collectively murmuring. You stand still, motionless. Bricks are piled on your hands and your feet.

You can always find other investors, of course. Just like you did four years ago.

How long would that take?

You walk home, absentminded. You pass by the Tavern, then the Akademiya. Walking by Alhaitham’s house doesn't even spark excitement inside you. Calling your other friends isn’t a choice, either.

You just want to wake up from this dream.

When you arrived, Someone was waiting on your doorstep.

“Alhaitham?” Thesman stands up straight. How long was he waiting? “(Y/N), I apologize for how I acted yesterday. I hope you forgive me.”

When you remain quiet, he continues. “I also heard about what happened. I don’t mean to mock you, (Y/N). I’m truly sorry to hear about it.”

Tears start falling down your face, which turn into full, ugly sobs. He walks gently, as if you’ll break into pieces if he makes the wrong move. He holds up his arms.

You bury your face in his chest and cry.

Living with Alhaitham was happier than you’d thought it would be.

It’s been months since you took his embrace on your front porch. You spent sleepless nights with him, writing letters for every investor or kind soul who’s kind enough to fund your endeavors, even for a penny.

You were desperate. If the higher ups knew the struggle you’re going through right now, you’re sure that they’re laughing at you.

(Not that you cared. Alhaitham stayed up writing letters with you, and that’s all the support that you need.)

You waited, waited, and waited. Yet every reply was rejection. Your partner saw you break down, and he’s always there to pick you back up.

His clothes are strewn all over your house, as if he lives there now.

“Coffee?” He offers. You nod. A giggle comes out of your mouth when you see a purple hickey on his neck, barely covered by his shirt.

It’s been months since he heard your laugh. He stops stirring the cup he’s prepared for you. Alhaitham looks back, says sincerely, “I’m glad you stayed.”

An uncomfortable feeling brews once again. You tell yourself that you’ll get used to it.

You still have hope that one day, your feet will step out again to reach your dreams.

But for now, everything that you need in Sumeru City. The perfect partner, an authentic group of friends, a beautiful community, and a stable (but boring) job.

You’ll never have to venture out again.

(The evergreen shrubs outside your house starts to grow.)

“She’s settling in well?”

“Yes, she’s resting,” Alhaitham sits on the makeshift chair. Ghandarva Ville was far, but it’s where less people are around. Besides, no one would dare trespass in Tighnari’s personal home.

“You owe me a favor,” Cyno crosses his arms. “Finding the investor’s carriage was not difficult. They’re pretty famous. But erasing traces is a piece of work. I’m lucky that no one was within the area. Not that they could catch me, anyway.”

The door opens. Tighnari brushes off dirt from his clothing, having come back from burning the investor’s bloodied clothes. He sees the grey-haired man relaxing by his couch. “Are you smiling? Don’t smile. You look weird. Also everything is done, reduced to ashes. What’s our payment, Acting Grand Sage?”

Alhaitham hums, and everything fades into the background. He thinks of you lounging in your home, watering your plants, and decorating your journal. Just like how it’s supposed to be, in the first place. He even cleaned some parts of your house so that you don’t exhaust yourself too much upon your first day.

Thank the Archons that he has the perfect partner, an authentic group of friends, a beautiful community, and a stable job.

(Y/N) will never have to venture out again.

Ever.

#navi's writings #naviavu #yandere genshin impact #yandere kamisato ayato #yandere x you #genshin smut #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact smut #yandere smut #yandere genshin #yandere alhaitham #alhaitham smut

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allfearstofallto · 1 month ago

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YAYAYAY Can you do C, J, L, P, T, and X for ayato yandere head cannons por favor

For sure!!! Here ya go!!

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Ayato had never been once described as a cruel man. Mischievous, yes, but never cruel. Especially towards you. He may play little jokes and pranks on you, enjoying watching your expressions.

It's endearing at first, when you're naive to his true ways, almost comical, how such a serious man can have such a playful side. But there's a part of him that seems to revel in the way you fear him. Not sadistically. He doesn't find joy in actively bringing you harm. Just amusing. He likes to watch what you'll do, how you'll attempt to get away, even though there's absolutely no where you can go.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Ayato is better than most people, that much doesn't need to be said. He's handsome, talented, witty, and smart. He's almost perfect, if not for his particular urges. But most people don't know about that, so most don't see anything, but the excellence he shows. He knows he's so much better, yet when he sees your eyes fall to someone else, his heart clenches.

Jealousy is an emotion he didn't think he was capable of feeling, he thought he was better than such a pitiful weakness. That is until you begin speaking to another man. Smiling for anyone else. Your hand lingers on someone's for just a little too long. The most he shows on his face is the quiver of his lip while eyeing the physical contact, a fault that he quickly schools back to his usual, reserved facade.

Turmoil is raging inside him, bubbling in a pit in his stomach, practically trying to claw its way out. But he's never one to act rash. Ayato plans everything ahead. That person will be disposed of with practiced ease, their legacy buried and your questions about them silenced. It doesn't date the painful jealousy in his heart, but it does balm his soul, just a little, to have you have to run back to him.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Ayato isn't one to spoil you with material objects. He believes in showing his longing for you through actions. A man who is constantly neck deep in paperwork, usually drowning in meetings and forms, taking the time out of day to come and see you? Well, it's rare for Ayato to stop working for anyone, so he wants you to not only acknowledge the actions he's taking for you, but also appreciate it. You should feel honored that he's spending his time with you. Honored, and attracted to him.

Sacrifices are needed to strengthen a relationship and he is sacrificing his routine for you. That should be more than enough. Right?

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He plays the role of a patient man and he plays it well. Ayato doesn't get violent, doesn't have outbursts, he doesn't curse, nor does he break things. At least, not in your presence.

Ayato is a man who's patience is always wound thin. A busy man. A tired man. He has no time for anyone else’s antics, snapping quickly with anyone else. But with you? He's softer. He can play the role of a patient lover to you. Although, if you look at him while actively disobeying, you might see the twitch of his eyebrows or even the clench of his fist.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Ayato isn't a sadist. He constantly tries to convince himself of this daily. But he can't deny the way his entire world shifts the first time he sees you cry. Was he teasing you too much? Did he scare you? Was your hatred towards him finally pouring out in fat, hot, angry tears down his cheeks? He didn't know, but he didn't want it to end.

His large hands will hold your cheeks as you cry, making you look at him. The warmth of your tears. The slight redness to your nose and under your eyes. Why does it entice him so? Why does he like it? Why did he love the sight of your crying face so much, to the point where he wanted to go against his own morals, and make you cry even more?

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He loves you. You know that, right? You should. He wouldn't do any of this, jumping through all the hoops, endearing himself to you, if he didn't feel such a strong love for you in his heart. So don't take it personally when he says that you are not his equal. You are less than, but that's alright, he will work to make you worthy of him.

Ayato is the reason your family has power. He's the reason your family has money. He's the reason that you went from an average family in Inazuma, to micro politicians. Although, you don't know this initially, thinking that everything good happening to you was just lucky finally shining down on your weary name.

It's only when you finally know him, long after he's already your lawfully wedded husband, do you learn that nothing happened out of coincidence. Everything was carefully planned and plotted by him. Down to the day you first met.

#mai<3 answers #genshin impact #genshin #genshin x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere ayato kamisato #yandere kamisato ayato #yandere ayato x reader #male yandere #yandere ayato #yandere kamisato Ayato x reader

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heliosunny · 2 months ago

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Yandere!Ayato x Reader

The day you met Kamisato Ayato was anything but ordinary. You had stumbled upon his younger sister, Ayaka, in peril, cornered by a group of hostile individuals while wandering through Inazuma. Without a second thought, you intervened, defeating her attackers and ensuring her safety. Ayaka’s gratitude was immediate, but her elder brother’s reaction was far less welcoming.

From the moment Ayato laid eyes on you, suspicion clouded his sharp gaze. He was a man who trusted few, and the idea that a stranger had “conveniently” saved his sister reeked of ulterior motives. Though Ayaka vouched for you, his skepticism remained. To his credit, he didn’t cast you out entirely. Instead, he insisted you stay within the Kamisato Estate under the guise of “monitoring you for further investigation.”

It wasn’t easy. Ayato’s cold demeanor and sharp tongue made it clear that he doubted your intentions. Yet, despite his hostility, you stayed. Ayaka needed time to recover, and you couldn’t abandon her—not after what you’d witnessed. Gradually, your genuine care for Ayaka chipped away at Ayato’s walls. You weren’t the enemy he had convinced himself you were. In fact, you were nothing but kind, patient, and selfless.

When Ayaka fully recovered, you quietly left the Kamisato Estate, believing your part in their lives was over. But the universe had other plans.

Not long after, a larger threat emerged—one that had the Kamisato Clan in its crosshairs. Strange disappearances, sabotage, and threats plagued their estate. It wasn’t a coincidence, and Ayato knew it. What he didn’t expect, however, was your return. This time, you weren’t alone.

You revealed yourself as a detective working alongside Shikanoin Heizou. It had been Heizou who assigned you to investigate the earlier incident with Ayaka, and now he had sent you back to aid Ayato with this new case. Though Ayato was initially taken aback by the revelation of your profession, he couldn’t deny the relief he felt at your presence. He trusted no one, yet you had already proven your loyalty once before.

As the case unfolded, you became Ayato’s anchor. Whether it was unraveling cryptic clues, protecting the estate, or simply listening when the burden of leadership weighed heavily on him, you were always there. You were sharp, resourceful, and unyielding in your determination to help. Slowly but surely, Ayato found himself drawn to you in ways he couldn’t explain—or resist.

The realization hit him like a storm. He didn’t just appreciate you—he needed you. You were his equal, his match, the one person who could stand by his side through anything. When the case finally came to an end and the culprits were brought to justice, Ayato wasted no time in confronting you.

“I have a proposition.” he said one evening, his calm mask betraying nothing of the emotions swirling beneath. “Stay by my side—not as an associate, but as my partner.”

You blinked, taken aback by the suddenness of his words. “Wait… are you saying—marriage?”

“Precisely.” His tone was unwavering, as if he were stating an undeniable fact.

You laughed nervously, unsure if he was serious. “That’s… a bold offer, Lord Kamisato. But I’m afraid I can’t accept something so sudden.”

Ayato’s smile didn’t falter, though there was a glint of something unsettling in his eyes. “I understand your hesitation. But I assure you, my feelings are genuine. You’ll come to see that, in time.”

Little did you know, Ayato wasn’t one to take no for an answer. The more you resisted, the more determined he became.

After finishing a case at Narukami Shrine, you were invited by none other than Yae Miko for a private meeting. Her playful smirk never left her lips as she gestured for you to sit down. “You’ve been busy lately, haven’t you?” she teased, her sharp eyes gleaming with curiosity.

When she offered to tell your fortune, you couldn’t exactly refuse. It was Yae Miko, after all, she was rarely wrong about anything. But when the results came in, her expression turned unusually serious.

“Your love line” she began, her tone far softer than you were used to, “is a complicated one. A dangerous one, in fact. Be careful, dear. The one who holds your heart might not let go so easily.”

Her cryptic warning left you unsettled. You tried to brush it off as another one of her enigmatic tricks, but her words lingered in your mind. Yae Miko wasn’t one to say such things lightly.

Days later, you found yourself visiting the Kamisato Estate. You had heard that Ayato had just returned from a major mission assigned directly by the Shogun, and part of you wanted to check on him. He had been unusually quiet after your last encounter, and though you didn’t want to admit it, you were worried about him.

When you arrived, Ayaka greeted you warmly and led you to the training grounds, where Ayato was recovering from the aftermath of a fierce battle. His usually pristine appearance was slightly marred by cuts and bruises, yet his expression was as calm as ever. However, the moment he saw you, his eyes lit up with something unmistakable—relief.

“I didn’t expect to see you here” he admitted, his voice carrying a warmth that made your heart skip a beat.

“I heard you just got back from a case.” you replied, crossing your arms. “Figured I’d check in. You look like you could use some help.”

He smiled faintly, his exhaustion evident. “Your timing is impeccable, as always.”

As it turned out, your instincts were correct. What Ayato hadn’t told anyone was that his case wasn’t quite over yet. The Shogun’s orders had uncovered a deeper conspiracy threatening the stability of Inazuma, and Ayato was at the heart of it. Once again, you found yourself by his side, aiding him in unraveling the mystery and standing by him in yet another perilous battle.

The fight was grueling, pushing both of you to your limits. But together, you triumphed. Your unwavering determination and skill had earned you not only Ayato’s deepest admiration but also the respect of the Shogun herself. As a token of her gratitude, the Shogun personally rewarded you for your service.

What you didn’t expect was Ayato’s next move.

Standing before the Shogun in all her commanding presence, Ayato bowed deeply. “Your Excellency, I have one more request, if I may.”

The Shogun raised an eyebrow. “Speak.”

“I humbly ask for your blessing in marriage,” he said, his voice steady yet filled with conviction. “With them.”

The words hit you like a lightning strike. You stared at Ayato, stunned, as he turned to meet your gaze. His eyes held nothing but sincerity, as if he had planned this moment all along.

The Shogun considered his request for a moment before nodding. “Very well, Lord Kamisato. If they are in agreement, you have my blessing.”

Your head spun. This couldn’t be real. Ayato, always composed and calculating, had just asked for the Shogun’s approval to marry you in front of everyone. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“You’re not saying no, are you?” Ayato asked, his voice soft yet laced with an undercurrent of possessiveness. “I meant every word, and I won’t retract my proposal.”

You felt the weight of Yae Miko’s words return. A dangerous love line. Her warning rang in your ears as you looked at Ayato, whose calm mask had slipped just enough for you to see the intensity lurking beneath.

Despite the intensity of Ayato’s feelings, you had come to understand that beneath his possessiveness was a man who valued respect and devotion. While his obsessive nature could be overwhelming, he had never crossed a line, always treating you with the utmost care and reverence. Refusing his proposal seemed pointless—he was a man of his word, and as long as he didn’t tire of you, there was no harm in accepting his love.

And so, the preparations for your wedding began, with the Shogun herself granting her blessing. The ceremony was nothing short of a spectacle—luxurious, elegant, and befitting the head of the Kamisato Clan. Nobles, diplomats, and high-ranking officials filled the grand hall, marveling at the union of Ayato and the detective who had earned their place beside him.

Among the attendees were old friends and colleagues from the detective office, including Shikanoin Heizou. They greeted you warmly, reminiscing about past cases and your shared adventures. It felt like a moment of reprieve amidst the overwhelming grandeur of the event.

But Ayato’s sharp eyes were never far from you. From across the room, he watched as you laughed and chatted with Heizou and your other colleagues. The sight of you smiling so freely with others, particularly Heizou, ignited a storm within him. He didn’t say a word during the festivities, maintaining his usual composed demeanor. Yet, as the night wore on, he indulged in more wine than usual, the jealousy simmering beneath his calm façade.

By the time the wedding concluded and you returned to the privacy of your chambers, Ayato was visibly tipsy, his usually refined movements slightly unsteady. You helped him remove his outer robe, gently guiding him to sit. But as you turned to fetch water to sober him up, his hand shot out, grabbing your wrist and pulling you toward him.

“You seemed awfully happy tonight” he murmured, his tone low but laced with jealousy. “Laughing with them, reminiscing like old lovers… Did you forget whose name you now bear?”

His words caught you off guard, and you turned to face him fully. “They’re just friends, Ayato. You know that.”

His lips curled into a smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Do I? Because watching you with them made me think otherwise.”

You frowned, recognizing the edge in his voice. “You’re drunk, Ayato. Let’s talk about this in the morning.”

But Ayato wasn’t listening. Before you could pull away, he stood, towering over you as he backed you against the wall. His usual restraint seemed to waver as his arms caged you in.

“I’ve waited too long for this night to let anyone else steal your attention” he murmured, his voice low and commanding. “You’re mine to cherish, Y/N. And I’ll make sure you never forget it.”

That night, Ayato’s jealousy manifested in a way you hadn’t expected. His touches, though fervent, never crossed the boundaries of respect—he was still the man who cherished you, even in his drunken state. But his possessiveness was undeniable as he marked you as his in every way imaginable, whispering promises and warnings against anyone else daring to take your attention from him.

As the first rays of dawn peeked through the curtains, you found yourself lying beside Ayato, his arms wrapped around you even in sleep. The night’s events still lingered in your mind—his jealousy, his drunken insistence, and the way he’d poured his emotions into his actions. Despite everything, you couldn’t deny that a part of you understood his feelings, even if they were overwhelming at times.

When he began to stir, his eyes fluttering open, you gently reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair from his face. He blinked up at you, his expression soft but guarded, as though unsure of how you felt after the night’s intensity.

“Ayato…” you murmured, leaning down to press a feather-light kiss to his forehead. “I’m sorry for not being more mindful last night. I didn’t mean to make you feel insecure or neglected. I’ll do better at respecting your feelings—and our boundaries.”

He stared at you in silence for a moment, his usual composed mask cracking just enough to reveal a flicker of vulnerability. For a moment, you thought he might accept your apology and let the matter rest.

But then his lips curled into a sly, mischievous smile, and he tightened his hold on you, pulling you closer. “Boundaries?” he repeated, his voice still tinged with a huskiness that made your cheeks warm. “Darling, I don’t recall any boundaries between us. Especially not after last night.”

“Ayato, you were drunk” you countered gently, trying to pull away. “You weren’t yourself—”

“I’m perfectly sober now,” he interrupted, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that made your breath hitch. “And I think it’s only fair that you make up for the… distress you caused me. After all, you were quite close with your friends last night.”

You sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to let this go so easily. “I already apologized. And I kissed you just now to show I meant it.”

He chuckled, the sound low and teasing as he tilted his head. “A kiss on the forehead? My, how chaste of you. But don’t you think I deserve a little more than that, my dear spouse?”

Your face grew hotter as he leaned closer, his lips brushing against your ear. “How about another kiss? Here.” He tapped his lips with a finger, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “And perhaps… elsewhere, if you truly want to make it up to me.”

You groaned softly, torn between exasperation and fondness. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet, you married me” he quipped, his tone smug as he leaned back against the pillows, waiting expectantly. “So, what will it be? Will you grant your husband his ‘redemption,’ or shall I continue to lament my cruel, neglectful spouse?”

Despite his teasing, there was a warmth in his gaze that reassured you he wasn’t truly upset. Reluctantly, you leaned in, brushing your lips against his in a soft, lingering kiss. When you pulled away, his arms tightened around you again, keeping you close.

“Better” he murmured, his smile softening. “But I think I’ll need more time to forgive you properly. Perhaps… a day in bed together would suffice.”

You sighed, hiding your smile against his chest. Ayato might have been possessive and dramatic at times, but you couldn’t deny that he had a way of making you feel loved—even when he drove you absolutely crazy.

#yandere x reader #yandere #kamisato ayato #ayato x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #yandere kamisato ayato #genshin impact ayato

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dark-night-hero · 1 year ago

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Imagine a Yandere Kamisato Ayato who would do anything to make you his.

Imagine a meticulous Yandere Ayato who would slowly but surely isolate you from the rest of the world, would make sure you have no one to run into but him and only him. He did not even know when it start, was it the first time he have met you? Or was it during the times in his lowest and you were there to comfort him? He don't know, but if there was something he knew other than to make his clan prosperous again, that is to make you his and only his.

Imagine it started with rumors. It started with nonsense rumors into harmful rumors that surely affect you. The way people looks at you, the way you knew they were talking about you. You did not even do anything wrong and yet they kept talking about you. "What's wrong hmmm? Can you tell me what's wrong (First name)?" "... My lord..." He will make sure he would be the only person you could open up to. He thought as he felt a shiver down his spine as you pull him into an embrace, sniffing and holding on into him as you cried. Just like who you were there at his lowest, he would make sure he was there too, even if he was the cause of that downfall that you would never knew.

Imagine Yandere Ayato who would do anything to have you as his spouse despite the disapproval of his retainers. Be it means blackmailing or wiping them clean with all sorts of reasons of corruption. Yandere Ayato whom when he finally have you in the palm of his hands, would make sure to never let step outside the estate. Saying the world is to dangerous for you to venture. That as long as you stay by his side, you'll be safe and sound, away from the danger and humors going and might come into you. The truth is you've always been so kind, not only to him but also to others, and afraid that that kindness would be taken away from him. He would keep you by his only and only by his side.

Imagine knowing very well of what he was doing. Knowing he was the root of all the rumors that causes your reputation downfall in the lands of Inazuma. "Darling, what do you think of a simple marriage? Just the two of us uhm ugh, and maybe a few guests, my sister- thoma-" "Anything is fine, Ayato." You smile sweetly at him before taking his hand that was place on top of yours and pulling it close on your mouth before giving he back of his hand a kiss. "I'll be here by your side and only by your side, so do whatever you pleased."

Imagine a shiver down his spine, a crazy flustered look on his face, the way his eyes twitch in a bliss of happiness. "Ohhhh how I love you very much, darling." He laughs as he pull you into his arms. "I know Ayato, and I love you too, very, very much." You chuckle and embrace him back, a smirk making it's way on your lips.

Imagine, the thing about a crazy, love sick, manipulative, Yandere Ayato is that you don't mind. Because you were just as crazy and love sick when it comes to him. And knowing your love, loves you as much and as crazy as you were with him. It was trully a great pleasure. "I'm yours, but that means you're mine, okay?"

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

#dark night hero #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fanfic #genshin fanfic #genshin impact imagines #genshin ayato #genshin impact ayato #ayato imagines #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato #ayato kamisato x reader #ayato x you #kamisato ayato x reader #yandere ayato #yandere kamisato ayato

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zeyris-daydreams · 4 months ago

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Contrary to popular belief, i do not see Kamisato Ayato as a brat taming type. Maybe initially, when you’re still a fresh book with a hard back.

But not after. Ayato likes dogs for obedience, darling isn’t any different. There’s nothing more thrilling than watching you follow his word despite your own feelings. Hate him or love him, obeying him regardless of your wants is exactly what he aims for. Be it hatred, he will be thoroughly pleased when you bend to his will from fear. Fear and respect are both sides of a single coin; and to Ayato, the difference isn’t significant.

Perhaps it has to do with his influence as well; he will break you if you resist. And if there is no breaking to be done, the ending is the same. I’d dare claim he likes your obedience especially when it comes with your inner turmoil. You want to kill him, get rid of him, pluck him out of your life. You want to scream at him and spit at his face, and no matter how you grit your teeth or clench your fists, you still obey. You obey because you tasted the consequences. You obey because even if you don’t, you’ll end up doing exactly what you were told. One way or another. By force or compliance.

His smirk never leaves when that happens; Ayato doesn’t seek for undying devotion or your own choice. He just wants reliance, submission, obedience. It doesn’t matter how willing or unwilling you are to provide it. Perhaps disobedience is the part that gets to him. That’s the only way hes filled with anger; that, or you filling out his commands in a purposefully incorrect way. Such childish pettiness won’t be tolerated.

#yandere ayato x reader #yandere!ayato #yandere ayato kamisato #yandere kamisato ayato #yandere kamisato ayato x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere male #yandere!male #yandere x reader #yandere male x reader

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angelfishe · 4 months ago

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>> 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐓𝐎

>> yandere ayato x reader

Born from one of the minor clans of inazuma, you were sent to the Narukami shrine to be trained by guuji yae to be a shrine maiden at the age of 10. In the meantime your parents sent you to serve the heir of the kamisato clan until when you reach the age of 10, little did you know this will catch the heart of the heir or future commissioner.

Dividers by @cafekitsune

The ishikawa clan is one of the minor clans of inazuma, the clan's purpose is to be a servant of the high ranking clans of inazuma or to serve the electro archon as a shrine maiden.

Your purpose in this world has already been determined, to serve and be a shrine maiden in the Narukami shrine under the guidance of guuji yae or madam yae Miko.

Since the age of requirements to be a shrine maiden is ten, your parents sent you to serve the heir of the kamisato clan in the mean time until you reach ten.

At first ayato was pretty distant He treats all his servants equally and always puts up a soft smile in front of everyone, your purpose is to be his personal maid helping him with his schedule, serving him tea, cleaning his room, dressing him and being his companion.

For ayaka she's the Sweetest, miss kamisato would usually ask for you to watch over her and play with her. she once called you big sister which is something you find fond of.

One time ayato asked you to help him with some small documents his father put him up to train and unfortunately for you since your family is only motive to serve they find things like reading and writing unfit for a servant.

when Ayato learns about this fact he is shocked by it, so he made a promise to teach you how to write and as well reading. Every time he finishes his training you would go to his quarters and you will be taught by him how to read and write.

It was a struggle at first but soon you managed to grasp the basics, you were grateful that he taught you these skills originally you refused his offer but he insisted on teaching you.

It was no surprise that he was always with other nobles as well the elders of the clan would try to set him up with other noble ladies for him to get married but he always rejected and would go find you no matter where you are and hug you. Saying you were the only one for him.

And these nobles were not happy and it will always end up you getting beat up by a stick from them accusing you of seducing the heir for your own personal gains, you would always leave with cuts and bruises.

As well since your servant, you were tasked to be his food taster and since many have tried to assassinate him, you can't remember how many times you almost died and fell due to the poison in his food. One you were unable to move due a poison ayato the entire time by your side.

As expected during your tenth birthday you were expected to be sent to the Narukami mountain and ayato won't allowed you to go, he holds your body so tightly it took all the efforts of some servants and as well his father to pry him off you and when you were walking out of the mansion, he was struggling against he servants reaching his hand for you and as well promising one day marrying you.

When you arrive at Narukami mountain and are greeted by madam yae Miko and other shrine maidens, they help you settle in a room and give you, your shrine maiden uniform. For the past few years you were trained by them as well as madam yae Miko.

You always sent letters about your well being towards ayato, but during your time in the shrine, the kamisato clan hasn't been going so well you heard they have fallen in harsh times.

After a few years, the clan has become more prosperous thanks towards the clan head and commissioner of the yashiro clan. And the first time in a few years you finally met ayato again he was taller as well more broad and handsome as well being a vision holder. He came to visit the shrine to discuss business with madam yae Miko.

You were sweeping the courtyard and a shadow loom over you and when you turned back you met his face and left you stunt. He asked you how you have been.

You were stunned and froze upon his appearance and he makes a teasing comment about how you haven't changed, you're still the same as ever.

He embraces you into a very tight hug causing you to drop the broom you were holding, his hand embraced and traveled everywhere in your body, memorizing your new features.

This science causes a bunch of stares from your fellow shrine maidens as well whispers amongst those who seek the electro archon present. This is inappropriate on another level, a shrine maiden who vowed to remain pure and serve the electro archon and inazuma bachelor as well head of the yashiro commission embracing each other.

Suddenly the hug was stopped by a cough by madam yae Miko and reminding ayato about what they are planning on discussing, ayato quickly retreated his hands from your body and followed madam yae Miko not before giving you a signal to meet him at the beach at night and giving you a wink and his figure disappear into another room.

You were soon crowded by your fellow shrine maidens with questions about your relationship with him. You managed to avoid the question softly but they are still Persistent to know.

At the beach at night he was waiting for you there looking beautiful and immaculate at the same time, how can someone be so perfect as if he was shaped by the gods. He turns towards and says about you being here.

He comes closer and puts his hands on your cheek admiring your face on how much you have changed and how beautiful you were. He was star struck.

He made a deal with madam yae Miko on about letting you go as well you can retire and be his wife plus he promised to marry you. He sealed the deal with a kiss that caught you off guard you tried to push him away but he was too strong and got stronger with the kisses inserting his tongue. He reached down his sleeve and pulled out a comb made of gold and flowers made out of jewels. And he grabbed your arm and dragged you to the estate where ayaka is waiting and celebrating your engagement and you were the only one that is slow to take the process on what happened, frozen.

Ayato grabs your waist tightly and gives you a warning smile and you immediately know this place is gonna be your prison

#genshin fanfic #genshin headcanons #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #ayato x reader #yandere ayato #yandere kamisato ayato #ayato kamisato #yandere headcanons #yandere x reader

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yandere-romanticaa · 3 months ago

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Gawking at Kamisato Ayato became one of your favorite secret past time hobbies.

The man must be an angel, surely. It was the only thing that made sense - how else could one man be so perfect, so ethereal? Noticing any little detail about him started to become second nature to you. The way he'd grip his pen in concentration, the subtle hold of his sword when he was ready to strike, the delicious bicep of his arm which was just barely visible underneath all those fine white layers he was so keen on wearing...

Frankly, it was humiliating how far you were willing to go for just a simple peek. Days and nights were lost into the void of time, all wasted on fantasies about Ayato.

It was all so hard to contain. Your fascination with him, your growing affections started to consume your very being, so much so that others had started to notice. Every duty you had to perform on the daily had started to take a toll and it was impossible to have a normal conversation with you if you were anywhere near the Kamisato estate, let alone if the head of said estate was close.

You had been so blinded by the beauty of the angel that you had failed to notice the inklings of darkness which loomed over him. As the absolute King of Subtlety, Ayato knew how to play you like the world's most lovesick guitar. It was so entertaining to watch you from the corner of his eye, to admire your determination to stay concealed in the shadows but he knew better.

He allowed your little crush to blossom for a while, thinking it to be amusing and harmless. He never could have foreseen that the feeling would end up becoming mutual.

It was a massive ego boost to him, knowing that he had you on the hook. Ayato decided to take his time, to play this game of cat and mouse as safe as he can, to ensure that all would go well.

He was not sure when exactly you would fall into his lap but it was bound to happen, and you would do it all willingly too.

And that fact made this game so much more sweet.

Ayato wondered how you would react to his cheekier side, if you would still want him despite his more dark desires and thoughts. He seldom called himself a freak out loud but it had a ring of truth to it.

Were you an even bigger freak than him?

It would be a fun thing to discover.

#listening to the vampire diaries ost should be a crime with how good it is #ESPECIALLY in the evening!#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yancore #yanderecore #yandere aesthetic #genshin impact #yandere x darling #male yandere #kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato x reader #yandere kamisato ayato #genshin kamisato ayato #genshin ayato #genshin ayato x reader

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nosyp · 4 months ago

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A Love Untold

Warnings = smut🔞, dubcon, arranged marriage

Pairing = Kamisato Ayato x fem! reader

Word count = 1.9k words

Summary = Being forced into an arranged marriage with Kamisato Ayato, Ayato's feelings grew for you. But you wouldn't even face him, he decides to fix that one day.

Tried a new format, the story is being told from Ayato's POV. Enjoy.

December 23

“Y/N,” I called out. It didn’t take long until she appeared in front of me. She was wearing a red kimono that ended just below her knees.

“What do you need, hon?” she says, her voice soft, almost too soft.

“Can you fetch Thoma for me? I’ve got something to discuss with him,” I say to her.

She then walks away and quickly comes back with the blonde-haired man. I did not expect her to grow accustomed to me so quickly. Yet, seeing her interact so freely with Thoma stirs within me a sense of unease. Whenever I tried to talk to her, her demeanor was significantly different–there was always this distant unease in her every word and action. It’s like whenever she saw me, she would switch back to this feared soul. Why is she so different with him?

I called Thoma over and presented the festival plan with a mix of trepidation and relief. As Kamisato clan head, responsibilities weighed heavily upon me. Fortunately, Thoma's assistance support alleviated my concerns. On occasion, he would even take care of my wife when I was unavailable. I expressed gratitude for him multiple times, and every single time he would reject my praise, saying his stuff is hardly worth my praise. I didn’t agree with that but didn’t pester him any further.

Though, the thought lingered in my mind, wondering if my wife preferred Thoma over me. Brushing those thoughts away, I continued showing my ideas for the upcoming festival. Thoma and I went back and forth, giving each other’s opinions and ideas. He listened to mine and I listened to his.

After a lengthy discussion, we concluded the plans for the festival and I ordered him to send it over to the other commissions for their inputs. Observing as Thoma's left the room, my attention shifted to the approaching figure of my wife, engaging herself into a conversation with him. She did not show the same behaviour as when I talked to her. She seemed nice, excited and lively.

All traits I never saw from her. She always had this tired, defeated expression on her face when she came anywhere near me. And it always stung. Every. Single. Time.

—

December 25

Snow fell gently outside, and people were rushing to enjoy the winter season. I stood by the window, lost in thought as I admired the view. The past few days had been a blur—preparing for the winter festival had been exhausting. From arranging guests to planning activities, decorations, and managing it all, I barely had time to breathe. I worked around the clock to execute all the plans and it all worked out. The residents seemed satisfied at the winter festival this year. Even the Archon praised it.

Walking through the festival, feeling multiple gazes on me. I could hear everyone talking about what a great job I did. None of that mattered since all I could think about now was my beautiful wife, serving treats to the children passing by.

"Hey, princess, how's everything going?" I asked, watching her tense up immediately. Still scared of me, huh?

"I-I'm doing well, thank you. How about you?" Her eyes avoided mine, and I could feel her nervousness.

"I'm good. You're doing great—keep it up," I said, though the words felt empty coming out. It wasn’t how I wanted to sound, but it was the best I could manage right now.

"Thank you... And, uh, thank you for arranging all of this..." she murmured, almost too softly to hear.

My heart skipped a beat, and I found myself holding my breath. I paused for a second, strategizing how to respond. “U-uh of course,” I stuttered.

Without anything left to say, I walked away and started observing other parts of the festival, ensuring absolute perfection. Thoma had told me to relax for the festival, the planning was done and there was nothing left to do. I knew that… but I couldn’t help and critique the parts I wasn’t too satisfied with.

In the hours that followed, I spent most of the day navigating the festival, celebrating the arrival of winter. Despite already having fulfilled my duties, an unfamiliar weight gnawed at me. I couldn’t quite place it, but it lingered—persistent and frustrating. All I wanted was for it to vanish, but it was as if the more I tried to ignore it, the stronger it became.

That night, I found myself restless in bed, unable to silence the thoughts racing through my mind. I tossed and turned, the weight not shaking off, hindering both my quality and quantity of sleep. The more I tried to rest, the more it worsened, attacking at me with an intensity I couldn’t escape. I felt trapped and defeated.

—

December 26

The morning after the annual winter festival, I woke up feeling tired and groggy. Dark bags hung under my eyes, and my hair was a mess—hardly a good look for someone in my position as head of the Kamisato Clan and a member of the Yashiro Commission. As soon as Ayaka and Thoma saw me, they immediately asked if I was okay. As usual, I reassured them it was nothing, just a temporary illness, and they backed off without further questions. If I’m honest, I wanted to know the cause just as much as they did.

Today was supposed to be relaxing. There were no duties awaiting me, and no plans for the day. I returned to my bed, tucked myself in, and thus tried to catch up on sleep.

—

December 27

Suddenly, I woke up in the dead of night—1 a.m. The estate was eerily quiet. As I walked down the hallway, I heard a faint sound of someone talking. Moving quietly towards it, I peeked around the corner. It was Y/N, talking to Ayaka about her thoughts on our marriage. Upon hearing that, I started to listen more intently, eager to know her thoughts.

“I honestly don’t know what I think of him…” a voice said, I assumed it was my wife. The voice was soft and was unsure.

“I understand, but my brother is way better than you think. I promise you just need to give him a chance.” another voice stated.

“I-I… I just didn’t want to marry someone for money,”

“I promise no one thinks that you do,”

“Me, a random girl, marrying a super rich man. Doesn’t that make me sound like a gold digger?” she says. Hearing that, my heart ached. Hoping it wasn’t my wife, I continued listening through the wall.

“Please, stop thinking like this, it isn’t gonna help you at all,” the other voice responded, pleading with the other.

Then, I heard the door slam shut. The sound echoed through the quiet estate, sharp and sudden, like a burst of emotion turned into a forceful action. The intensity of it struck me, and I couldn’t help but theorize who it was. It wasn’t just the noise; it was the weight of it—the frustration, anger, or perhaps something deeper. The echo of that door slamming felt like a silent cry, one that couldn’t be ignored. My heart skipped a beat as I stood frozen, deciding to go back to my room and avoid the kitchen completely for the rest of the night.

Chirp chirp

The sound of birds filtered into the room, their song mixing with the soft rays of morning light sneaking through the window, almost blinding me. I dragged myself out of bed, making my way to the main room where Thoma, my wife, and Ayaka were. It wasn’t just the quiet atmosphere; I could feel their eyes on me, each of them waiting for me to acknowledge them, their gazes heavy with unspoken thoughts.

“What?” I spoke up, breaking the silence.

The silence dragged out and none of the three said anything but then my wife finally asked,“A-are you okay?”.

“Yep, no need to worry,” I answered, my voice croaking.

Seeing my horrible state, the trio avoided me for the rest of the day. I didn’t make an effort to interact with them, knowing it would only make things worse. The tension between us was palpable, but I couldn’t bring myself to bridge the gap. If anything, it felt like we were all better off keeping to ourselves.

—

December 31

It had been a few days since I overheard Ayaka’s and Y/N’s conversation. The conversation replayed over and over again in my mind, the guilty feeling inside me growing. Finally, I decided to take matters into my hands and I was officially going to try and mend my relationship with Y/N.

It was 11pm and Y/N was supposed to arrive home soon. She had recently been assigned to visit elderly residents to provide assistance, helping them with daily tasks or just offering company, a role she performed with care and dedication.

Click

There it was, the sound of her arriving home. I got up from my couch and went to greet her.

“Welcome back,” I said, towering over her.

Turning around, she was shocked by my sudden appearance and flinched backwards. This only made my mood worse.

“A-ayato..?” she muttered. “What are you doing up so late?”

“It’s only 11pm. What are you doing out so late?” I interrogated her. I knew what she was doing but I still wanted to know if she would tell me.

“I-I was out helping the elderly…”

Sighing, I wrapped my hands around her waist. Automatically, I closed the space between us and shared a kiss with her. Her hands landed on my chest and she only stood in shock, not returning my kiss.

Using my strength, I lifted her up and brought her to the bedroom. I placed her on the bed gently and locked the door behind me. She didn’t move and only watched as I got on the bed with her. I grabbed her legs and wrapped it around my waist.

“W-wait…” she begged. “I-I’m not ready…”

“I’ve been waiting too long for this... please” I begged as well.

Hearing no response, I swiftly unbuttoned her shirt and started fondling her breasts. They were hard and swollen. While fondling her breasts with one hand, my other was tugging on the waistband of her skirt. I pulled her skirt off and revealed her glistening folds. My fingers brushed over her hole and I suddenly pushed a finger inside her, pumping it in and out slowly. She moaned softly against her hand, covering her mouth.

“Don’t cover it… I want to hear you,” I told her.

Reluctantly, she put her hand down, placing them onto the bed. Still pumping my fingers in and out of her, I left a trail of kisses all from the neck down to her stomach. Her walls tightened around my fingers and she let out her orgasm.

Feeling proud, I pulled down my pants and took out my throbbing cock. It was so hard it was painful. She locked eyes with it, trembling with fear. I took hold of my cock and tapped the tip on her before shoving it in. Lust possessed me as I thrusted into her over and over again. The sound of my hips slapping onto her echoed through the room as I continued my assault on her.

“You feel so good… I-i’m about to…” I panted out before spilling my seed into her. “You’ll look so good pregnant hon…”

No response.

“And I’m gonna make sure you know that,”

#ayato kamisato x reader #kamisato ayato #dark kamisato ayato #yandere kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato x you #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato kamisato x you #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #genshin men x reader #genshin impact #genshin smut

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brynn-lear · 11 months ago

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When The Cypress Tree Wilts [Yandere!Kamisato Ayato x Reader]

Prompt: Kamisato Ayato, the sole survivor of Teyvat, struggles to cope with grief. He finds solace in the company of a fellow survivor, (Y/n), on the Astral Express. Although the two came from different universes, with him being a fictional character on (Y/n)'s end, he had grown fond of them. Perhaps too fond for Mister Yang's liking. He has seen this story played out once already. [Dedicated to @jessamine-rose]

Content Tags: (light?) yandere themes, major character death, we ain't trusting getting roses again after this one boys

For twenty-seven years, the cypress tree stood alone. Its branches, exhibiting complete fortitude to withstand erosion, have been a home for many animals. A guardian of many and a home for herons. It's no stretch to say its artistic seriousness made the Cypress tree the Warden of the Forest.

What happens, though, if the forest catches fire? What happens when everything it held dear—all the pillars ingrained in the firmest soil—is reduced to ashes in a single glance? When the forest's life-loving temperament disappears, just what is left of the guardian tree?

There's only one answer: the Cypress loses its Inazuman function. Harmony, balance, and peace wither away from the tree's symbolism. All that's left is the alternative Enkanomiyan myth: cypress trees must only be planted as a mourning tradition.

The Warden of Death...

Kamisato Ayato closed his eyes, making his umpteenth attempt to breathe steadily.

He sat upright on one of the Astral Express's couches. It's been more than eight months since he had found himself as the sole survivor of his world. So far, everything that had been told to him had been unreal.

Gone were the clan, his retainers, and his dearest sister. None were left as he watched their remains swept by the wind. Memories of Ayaka's burnt hair and cheeks crumbling refused to leave his every waking moment. He tried desperately to hold on, but the ashes kept slipping through his fingers until his family's white heron was reduced to a lifeless husk. Her feathers were plucked too soon.

He cannot have her back. He cannot have his clan back. His world was forever unsalvageable.

That was his fate as the Remembrance's souvenir. He can carry the weight of survival while the memokeepers preserve Teyvat's memories.

But at least he has someone in a similar position as himself.

"Mister Yang," you called over the older man hushedly. Welt glanced at the mopping mess and knew just what you were hinting at. Better to alert someone who can assist him better.

"Are you alright, Mister Kamisato?" Welt asked, sitting beside Ayato. He passed his cane onto his other hand so he could pat his shoulder. Ayato only laughed stiffly.

Thankfully, it's not an entirely hopeless cause. There was, at least, a silver lining to make up for it. No matter how dim the glimmer was, he at least had the Express's understanding.

And yours as well.

Ab███████, h█ed his pl█as.

"—to, you can still think this through!"

"Stand back, Himeko."

Just like him, you lost your world, too. You came from a fabric of existence wherein he was deemed fictional. A video game called "Genshin Impact", as you called it. You were terrified when you discovered your universe crumbled because of some time-travel paradox. But in spite of your enormous losses, curiosity triumphed over fear. You would prefer exploring the galaxy than thinking about how much work you still need to do for your college classes.

But today? You rest. After all, the express is landing in Penacony.

While Welt did his best to provide consolation, you handed them warm drinks. Ayato gave you a gentle nod.

He gave it a quick sip. Unlike Himeko's, your brew was more tame. Not at all professionally made— it's everyday coffee— but that adds more to its appeal. Ayato politely wiped possible stains near his lips. You can't help but notice how his mole was placed below it.

He's definitely a video game character, that's for sure. They don't make people this attractive in your old world.

Just holding the coffee you made… feeling its warmth in his hands… It gave him strength to speak.

Ayato sighed. "Apologies, I simply… will take longer to recover my mental composure. I am not usually this easy to rattle or ramble often. I deeply apologize for the trouble I caused the express thus far."

"I do wonder if I had wronged the Gods. I committed plenty of misdeeds in the eyes of the Shogun, yet they were pardoned. But perhaps the Heavenly Principles…" He muttered, thinking he was inaudible. More than half a year without his retainers and constant troubles had dulled his vigilance.

Welt shook his head. "Do not be harsh on yourself by culminating these harmful… ideals, Mister Kamisato."

"I agree." You said. "At any rate, you'll end up miserable for the entire month if you keep overthinking what that Silver Wolf said."

His mood had been visibly dampened since Silver Wolf's last visit. She claims that he was "destined for ruin based on Elio's script" and that it was better he knew about it now rather than later.

Ayato looked away. "I suppose so… This wishful thinking brings me nothing but thoughts such as to save my one and only sister, with this pitiable strength— how can I recreate the past?"

Welt grew cold with mild horror. Then, he cleared his throat after a suspiciously long pause.

The past Welt knows is not the past he wants a repeat of.

"Why focus on that when the future awaits you?" He said, but with how the older man refused to meet his lilac eyes, there must be more he won't let on.

"Your reluctance… Does this have something to do with what the memokeeper previously stated?"

"...What Black Swan said?" You tilted your head.

Welt sighed. "So many things must be runnin' around your head... I don't usually encourage drinking, but maybe you should have a few shots later."

"I shall consider it, but I must know now, Mister Yang." He looked at him. "What did she mean when she said I was an alternate version of your acquaintance, Otto Apocalypse?"

Welt coughed up his coffee.

Re██y his angu█████ c███s.

"-to, don't do this. You can't bring ██████ back—"

“Your farcical tangents will distract me no more. Do not play parlor tricks with that cane of yours. My mind is sound, and my decision is final."

"..."

Ever since Ayato was dubbed as a new Nameless alongside you, he's been bombarded with both blunt and subliminal messages of his supposed "true" nature. One faction agrees he's an existence not meant to be trifled, while the other wants to cultivate him into a villain.

You don't know much about that. Unlike whatever hero's journey he had been experiencing— you're detached from trouble. Your new life was spent writing, dressing up with March, eating with Stelle, and reading through Dan Heng's data banks about constellations & other aesthetically pleasing biological entries. You were a quiet existence. Black Swan remarked you're amicable for someone who cannot return to normalcy. You embrace change far better than others.

But you think that's because there's enough grieving for the Express to carry; they don't have room to acknowledge yours…

"You're Kamisato Ayato, not Otto." You told him firmly. "Don't overthink what she said."

"It is not as if I do not know that, how—"

"No, there are no buts or howevers; that's final."

Ayato laughed softly, no longer tense.

"Understood. I'm your Kamisato Ayato, right?" He tilted his head like a dog.

"Yes, yes, you're our Ayato." You sighed.

He's a lot cuter when relaxed.

You shook your head.

No, better not let this develop into something else. You don't want to have a crush on a guy that's essentially no different from a flatmate.

Furthermore, you exclusively confide in him. You'd rather your relationship as each other's anchor remains the same in the future. After all, you're not the type to let everyone in the room know your baggage. So was Ayato, but... His trauma lends itself to the extremes.

While you were lost in thought, adorable footsteps strutted closer.

Angry, adorable footsteps.

"What are you guys doing drinking coffee?! The train is about to jump soon!!!"

Pompom huffed. They put their little paws on their hips, scoffing at you three. You apologized profusely, forgetting that your trip to Penacony was in ten minutes.

"Sorry, Pompom." Welt sheepishly said.

Ayato looked at Pompom earnestly. "So am I."

"Whatever, okay, but you better change later! You can't join a wedding wearing those clothes!!!"

You frowned. You were already dressed, though. You thought you already looked perfect for the evening. Maybe you should've tried harder... Perhaps you were too relaxed about this...

"Oh, but I'm sorry…" You told them, frowning.

Pompom shook their head, panicking. "Not you, (Y/n), you're always so harsh on yourself— you always know how to dress pretty. I'm talking about these two boys!"

They stared at each other before laughing awkwardly, provoking the conductor further.

Pompom growled, grabbing the broom.

"You know what?! Get off the sofa! Change! NOW!!!"

Abu████ce, stir this b███ft ████e,

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL HIM?!? HE WAS LIKE A BROTHER TO US!!!"

It's clear that someone isn't having the best time.

Penacony weddings are too lively for Ayato's tastes. But much like shadows, nobody can evade the bright lights.

He nearly tumbled when he saw you. By the looks of his pale face, the lively atmosphere had been draining him senseless. While he maintained his elegant demeanor when talking to Aventurine (and failing), you were refilling your cup at the food aisle. Once Ayato reached you, he desperately wanted to place his head on your shoulder.

“Please… lend me… Five…”

You smiled and opened your arms.

"Don't speak, I got you."

He leaned on your shoulder.

The five seconds you assumed were startlingly morphing into five minutes. You can't feign as a warm statue for that long. While you worry about your willpower, Ayato sank deeper into his thoughts to meditate.

From this angle, he looked like a resting cat.

"You okay, Ayato?"

"The SoulGlad, it's so…"

Ah, right. You figured he might've drunk.

"Not once had it been a passing thought that excessive alcohol and fire displays would be a common wedding practice. The culture shock is astounding." Ayato leered quietly. "Thankfully, I no longer care about putting on a social mask. I cannot stomach participating in copious amounts of… festivities."

You laughed. Is it bad you find his suffering entertaining?

"Is it so different from how they conduct weddings in Inazuma?"

"Hard to say… The Clan may be focused on cultural ceremonies, but I purposely avoided weddings. It helps steer clear talks of arranged marriages. I can only name Chisato's as an exception on top of my head." Ayato placed a hand on his chin.

He continued. "Extravagant weddings such as this had a decline for two years. The dismal lives of vision wielders immensely affected how much pyrotechnics and other displays were available. Any commonplace joy could be marked as vulgarity by the Shogun at any second... All those charges just for an insincere ceremony."

"I… See." You assumed the answer was a resounding no. "Sounds like you're against marriages of convenience."

Ayato pulled away, looking at you.

"Not entirely. I understand why it's a necessary evil, given our politics." He said. "But I still firmly believe that when there's true love, nothing should stand in its way."

His eyes reveal that he's starting to sober up. In Penacony, it was probably a beneficial phenomenon. Might as well give away hangover relief if you market alcohol as the icon of your dreamscape.

"(Y/n), this may sound peculiar, but I glimpsed at an apparel store nearby."

You nodded slightly. He knew you had an affinity for fashion. When you visited the Xianzhou Luofu, he mapped out stores that might interest you. Ayato likes the way you dress. Sometimes, he would even approach you for a consult.

"And? What did you see? Did you take a picture?"

He groggily nodded and pulled out his phone.

"Please, take a look."

…

You blinked, turning red.

"Ayato, these are wedding dresses…"

"I do know that, yes, but don't you believe some of these would suit you? Oh— this one is a particular favorite of mine."

…

He said it so casually that you were beginning to doubt if you were insane. Do friends casually daydream about another friend in a wedding dress? Is that a norm for platonic relationships? You looked away and gently pushed his phone away.

… You hate how you liked what he picked out.

And you know he noticed it, too. Cheeky bastard.

"Let's hold that thought for now."

"May I ask why?" He tilted his head, slightly pouting. "I think a traditional white wedding dress would compliment you. Are you, perhaps, seeing flaws I have missed?"

"Y-You're really not getting it, huh…"

Whatever was troubling you, he wasn't about to dissect it. His thoughts were reduced to simplicity that evening, just down to you look gorgeous tonight. The two of you should extend your visit to Penacony for much longer. It is always night here…

How unfair that you dressed so prettily; he wished it was for his eyes alone. The delicately lace-adorned pastel pink dress suits you well. It felt like a grave sin for him to keep staring at the delicate sapphire necklace resting atop your neck. Not to add, a few strands of your hair framed your face, and your hair was tastefully swept into a neat (h/c) bun. What completes the look is the strappy heels.

When will it be your wedding, (Y/n)?

Your face contorted. "How drunk are you?"

Ayato smirked curtly and shrugged back to what March calls his "nobleman smile", gazing at you intently. You weren't sure if he was listening to you anymore.

"Enough."

That was his reply, short and simple.

As long as your eyes mirror his, it's enough for him.

“LAAADDIEESSS AND GENTLEEEMEEENNN AND OTHER LIVING CREAAATURREEESSS!!!!”

A rather shrill voice shouted through a microphone. It's the wedding's host. From the volume, anyone can discern that it came from the event room. You placed your cup down. It's that time— noises from excited guests, lonesome people, in particular, were shared around. No one can miss their hands, which tremble with excitement.

You jolted.

Shit, that's Sparkle. You promised Stelle and March that you four would take BFF pictures in the costume photo booth before the final farewells. Something about silly masks and hats. Miss it, and you're guaranteed to enter the next fight without a shield. Worse, you might wake up with a bat-shaped wound on your head.

You grabbed Ayato and swerved past the crowd.

“(Y-(Y/n)?!”

Ayato's mind went blank.

You voluntarily held his hand. Gloved hands. Still, he thanked March that she gave him a pair for the occasion. His hands were sweating, and his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.

Public displays of affection are generally subdued in his old world. Handholding raises questions regarding those reared into nobility like he was. His upbringing was far from liberal, so he did his best to give his sister more freedom, yet he is not accustomed to this skinship.

He gripped yours back weakly. Ayato can't stop staring at your determined expression. He gulped. Can you sense it? Are you secretly enjoying this? Do you know what you're doing?

Can you feel your effect on him?

He's not just drunk.

He might be hopelessly in love with you.

Ayato grew hotter by the second. His breath was stripping away bit by bit. This epiphany was consuming him. He's been trying to deny it for as long as possible, but how laughable is it to do so when he had often pictured himself in peaceful household situations beside you? Can such desires be kept in the shadows, much like his Shuumatsuban work?

He wants you.

Kamisato Ayato wants you as his sole partner.

Wherever you're taking him, he'll follow you to the end, down to the last seconds of this script.

"THE BRIDE IS ABOUT TO THROW THE BOUQUET!!!"

Many lonely guests packed together like penguins. When the bride spun the bouquet around her palm, their reactions ranged from hopeful and cheerful to downright competitive and miserable. They thought a few flowers would ensure marriage, which is a little absurd, but who are you to spoil their fun? Simply because they obstruct your path does not warrant your discreet resentment—

Ayato stopped, halting you as well in the process.

"Ngh…?!"

You looked back, and such an act almost felt as forbidden as Orpheus' most egregious mistake.

If there was a semblance of variety in those women's faces, they were unified in one fell swoop. Their faces soured when the bouquet was passed down to its next owner. Worse, the flowers sat so beautifully in his arms.

That's right. His.

Those red roses…

"AALLLLRIIIIGHTTT! IT SEEMS MISTER KAMISATO GOT IT!!!" Sparkle cheered on. She had a crooked smile on her face. It didn't ring as malicious; instead, she was conflicted before she donned a playful mask. "And sheesh, while holding (Y/n) 's hand too— CONGRATS TO THE SOON-TO-BE-S!!!"

Ah, damn it. Instead of this, you wish people had applauded when you presented your thesis. No matter how crestfallen some were, they were at least good sports. They clapped and teased; you even spotted Himeko raising you a glass at your shared table, laughing. Beside her, Welt did you the courtesy of reminding you that you're hands were linked together. You gawked, pulling away as though Ayato's hand burned. Immediately, he cleared his throat and looked away.

To Ayato, this was the only sign he needed.

With enough time and effort, a leafless tree could still be saved, new birds could still migrate, and an abandoned forest could still be restored. Gradually, he was discovering a fresh cause for optimism instead of a substitute for the people he had lost. There he was, Kamisato Ayato, a hidden custodian of Inazuman traditions, with his feet rooted in a foreign land. Though not very stable, his groundwork keeps him on course.

If he could revive the Kamisato Clan on its brink, how can he not do the same for his life? It's just like what his late father said:

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

As long as a hand still reaches out for him, he'll do anything to grasp it.

Unfortunately for you, it was yours that held his so tightly.

Hence, whether you like it or not, amidst the guests' congratulatory remarks and the bride's laughs, he had made up his mind.

Ayato will pursue you until you wear the gown of his dreams.

More people trailed behind Sparkle and the bride as they went down the stage and to Ayato. You made an effort to get in touch with him to return to your starting point. However, it was challenging, given the number of people around. To hear what bashful comments he said was an even taller order.

That was until the bride dragged her new husband towards you.

"Here, dearie, the garter!"

You blinked.

"What?"

"You know the tradition, bouquet, and garter— I know it ain't as exciting as a bouquet, but ya can't be a pair without it." The husband grinned. "C'mon, take it!"

Your eyes widened.

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly—"

"Aww, please, do you think we'll get in the way of love when we just got married?" The bride joked. Even though you don't know her well—you just know she's Stelle's friend—you didn't like how this sounded. "C'mon, take it! Don't make poor Mister Kamisato sad."

Did Ayato request this?

You looked back at him. He was smiling at his fellow guests.

He must've made a drunken joke.

"Alright, I'll have it." You'll be a team player, too.

Unbeknownst to you, Ayato's heart was brimming with joy as soon as you accepted it. You twisted the garter around your hand and tied it into a bracelet, and his eyes wrinkled. His face was beaming, and the guests warmly pointed out that it was definitely NOT the drink.

You laughed softly.

Maybe Stelle wouldn't get too angry after she sees these "loots".

Unfortunately, unlike the worlds you once immersed yourself in, your life was not a game. This second try was no exception.

There's a stark difference between the people he loves and himself, Ayato later found. The latter cannot sustain a better life for those he warded, while the former cannot attain the luxury of a peaceful death.

Readers would have gone crazy over how the author mercilessly punished and blamed the main character's dreams if his life had been a work of fiction. If it were genuinely one, he would venture to say that the systematic fate that everyone else was subjected to is the primary criticism.

His mother, his father, his sister, his clan.

And then you?

Ayato had already lost everything twice.

There's no restraint left for him to hold on to.

So…

"Mister Kamisato, please hear us out!" March begged, the shrill of her voice becoming hauntingly akin to a dull knife— repeatedly cutting through ears in prolonged agony.

Ayato scoffed. His blue locks framed his face as he gazed down.

He's heard enough.

Why shouldn't he challenge his fate?

Why shouldn't he challenge Elio's script?

"Whether I permit you or not, there won't be an intelligent word out of you."

No other voice came to disparage him. This silence was loud. As if a voice was missing. Ayato looked at the ground.

He had almost forgotten he had used his former "brother" as a sacrifice. Silently, he thanked Dan Heng- or perhaps Dan Feng- for all that he had done for him and his "bride".

This act angered the rest. His temporary family brandished theirs in unison, with Stelle moving to the front. His response greatly saddened March. But Mister Yang? He was frozen. He didn't seem to move an inch. The older man looked deep into his lilac eyes. There must be more he won't let on.

The past Welt knows is not the past he wants a repeat of.

But unfortunately, history is a vicious cycle— and it repeats itself.

He materialized his haran geppaku futsu, letting Dan Heng's blood drip while its azure glow shine bright. But what shone brighter was the cryogenic "coffin" behind him.

You may have lost your battle with this curse, but you have helped him not lose his.

You were looking out at a night with a full moon in your last moments. The pitch-black moon seemed to loom life itself. As you strolled alone, every step wet your feet, but there's a persistent sense that you might have been staring at your reflection the entire time despite the void's lack of offerings.

It's always night in Penacony. You have heard that innumerable times. Night never sleeps. The chitchat never stops. The tango doesn't halt. But time stands still for you as the rest of the world rejoices.

But Penacony was not your resting place. It was the Xianzhou.

How unfortunate that you forget that in your last moments. Mara has a knack for erasing the memory of its victims. The only solace that your admirer gets is that your previous recollections are of him, of you, and of the bouquet and garter you received.

At least before you closed your eyes, you thought of him.

Ayato gazed at your mara-struck face once more.

Beauty is eternal. Despite the chill seeping into your bones, your clothes were nothing short of ethereal. A traditional white wedding dress, floor-length with a fitted bodice and a flowing skirt, would've been given more justice if the wearer was not frozen in time. The laces and beadwork detailing were reminiscent of sakura petals, with a sweetheart neckline and cap sleeves.

You're holding a bouquet of roses mixed with sakura...

Just like you, Kamisato Ayato always had a good eye for aesthetics.

It's a shame the little life left in his eyes was wilting away.

It's a shame that this wedding never happened.

It's a shame you told him you needed more time to think.

It's a shame you're frozen in time.

However...

As long as a hand still reaches out for him, he'll do anything to grasp it. And Yaoshi has plenty to reach for.

With that, using the blood of the Vidyadhara he had slain, he summoned his new Aeon.

One that he does not particularly believe in. And if he had never placed his blind faith in the Shogun, he doubts he would do the same in Yaoshi.

So, Aeon of Abundance, with the former High Elder's blood on his hands...

Prove him wrong.

"Abundance, heed my pleas,

Repay my anguished cries.

Abundance, stir this bereft peace,

Awaken love from death's disguise."

Bring his soon-to-be Kamisato (Y/n) back to him.

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