#yall im not joking im actually bawling my fucking eyes out

[braxlrose]

yall I started to actually read my living nightmare and I can't even get past the second chapter, I actually started sobbing bc of how awful they made tom out to be ☹️

he's just a silly german boy and that story has literally made me feel nauseated

[lamestteenagegirlever]

as a book reader i ADORE the series but if theres one thing i love more than anything is seeing baby percabeth from an unbiased perspective bc theyre so cute but also percy is so LAME like hes so embarrassing i love him. like in the books hes just like yeah i think she looks like a princess and we only hear his internal thoughts so i LOVEEE actually seeing how awkward he is with his crush on annabeth.

its so cute and i honestly think pretty important for the viewers because it rlly helps to drive how young they all are and how insane it is that theyre being put in these crazy situations. like his dorky face when annabeth smiled when he started singing the consensus song? his voice cracking after annabeth laughed at his potty joke?? the look of brief panic on his face when he realized grover saw the face he was making when he hugged annabeth back followed by the really awkward smile??? THE WAY HE WAS THINKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT A PRETTY GIRL HUGGED HIM FOR SEVERAL DAYS STRAIGHT AND SAW ANNABETH WAS ACTING WEIRD SO HE ASSUMED SHE WAS DOING THE SAME BUT SHE HAD ACTUAL SERIOUS STUFF TO WORRY ABOUT SO HE JUST ENDED UP TELLING ON HIMSELF???? LIKE THAT IS ACTUALLY SO EMBARRASSING I WAS DYING WATCHING THAT PART. THE WAY HE INDIRECTLY ASKED HER ON A MOVIE DATE AND WOULDNT MAKE EYE CONTACT EXCEPT FOR A MILLISECOND TO SEE HER REACTION BEFORE DARTING HIS EYES AWAY SO FAST????? THE TUNNEL OF LOVE SCENE OVERALL?????? THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER LIKE YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE THAT HIS PUPILS ARE DILATED IN A GOOD COUPLE OF SCENES WHEN HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE THIS LITTLE BOY IS DOWN ASTRONOMICALLY HE IS SO FUCKING LAME. like we obviously knew the way they were both ready to sacrifice their lives for eachother in a heartbeat and how well they complimented one another and the way they changed each others world views and made the other strive to be better versions of themselves like ive known they were the blueprint since like literally 2nd grade like that didnt stop me from repeatedly bawling my eyes out over it but thats not the point. like we knew this and we could see it in the books but we couldnt see, or at least not fully see, how big of a stupid embarrassing crush percy had on annabeth and how she obviously feels the same way but is better at hiding it like oh my god i love them i wanna squeeze them until their eyes pop out like those old pens at the scholastic book fair do yall remember those?? im sorry guys im so autistic pjo and specifically percabeth has been my special interest since i was 7 and now 10 years later i get to watch them on tv in an adaptation WITH YOUNG RYAN REYNOLDS ARYAN SIMHADRI AND THE ONE AND ONLY MISS LEAH JEFFRIES thats almost entirely book accurate but also adds in fun stuff that works great in the plot and for the most part even better than the original scenes in the books bc the show is how rick would write the series NOW with all of his new gained writing experience like im actually going to explode the show is so good

[xantheyyy]

Idk im bored sooo here are some of my fave and NOT fave yaoi/bl/shounen ai/manhwas:

I: The perfect prince loves me, his rival!?

•Ok so when I first read this, i thought its gonna be like a enemies to lovers trope but upon reading it further, its abt a young man obsessed with a game and then died later on by a truck and got isekaid in his fave game. Has a crush on the prince and prince was cold towards him cuz he was isekaid as the bad character smth like that

•Im gonna be honest here, mc is annoying as fuck

•Prince thinks Mc wants to kiss his fiance and tried to kill him like in a potion room idfk amd mc threw a love potion at him and they fucked

•Prince was kinda being a horny bitch

•ALL CHAPTERS ARE JUST SEX????

•mc still being annoying as hell LIKE UR A GROWN ASS MAN

•overall 4/10

II: Salad days

•OH MY FUCKING GOSH THIS MADE ME SQUEAL SO BAD

•No sex scenes (Stay away horny ppl)

•THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE A BALLERINA AND A BOXER 😭😭😭

•Boxer dude was nice to the ballerina boy AND KDJSKSNDKEJ THEY MAKE ME GO HEBSKDNSKZNDJD UEEUEUEUEUEE THEY MAKE ME FEEL SINGLE

•19237/10 I LOVE THIS OMFG 😭

III: Monetary love

•Debt shit ofc

•The bottom works as a sex worker to get money

•Ends up getting kidnapped by a yakuza

•Then yakuza kept him and made him his whore

•But the next few chapters they kinda like being lovey dovey

•The bottom joined the yakuza and the dude was worried for him cuz yea

•I'd give this aaaaa 6/10 its kinda cute but boring at the same time and theres sex scene

IV: Viva o muerto (Dead or alive)

•OK NOW THIS IS MY FAVORITE AND SHEESSSHHHH THE HUNTER IS HOT (ngl he looks like gallagher LMFAO)

•Wants to hunt down the scammer

•Scanmer is a cute baby boy ngl

•The hot hunter took the scammer

•Then they fucked they broke the bed at a random ass bar/motel (i think??? I forgot)

•EPILOGUE WAS ACTUALLY CUTE THEY HAD A DOG YAYY

•I dont wanna explain all so yea

•10/10 recommended if ur into men with big tits fr

V: Raoin Gotoki no Kuni Kara

•The cover was cute as hell

•THE MC IS CUTE

•Didnt realize it was yaoi the whole time i thought its just gonna be a cute bl story

•12/10 its cute as hell

VI: Waterside night

•When i first read this, i didnt know it was omegaverse

•PROTECT THE BABY AT ALL COST

•The omega needs a break fr

•Alpha was being an asshole and r worded the omega

•Dropped it because of that scene but then went back reading it again becauee of the updates

•BUT HE CHANGED

•Baby got taken away by his fucking dad

•Andd yea pretty messed up shit happening

•SUDDENLY THE ALPHA IS LIKE BEING NICE BECAUSE HE CANT FORGIVE HIMSELF FOR WHAT HE DID

•Worried as hell for the omega if hes near the water

•they got the baby back and lived at the alpha's house

•I'd rate it a solid 8.5/10

VII: Roses and champagne

•HELLOO??? LEE WON IS PRETTY AS FUCK 😩😫

•Caesar being horny for him

•And uhhh he r worded Lee won

•Dropped it because of that scene

•But went back reading it again I just felt bad for him :(

•Give Lee Won a break

•7/10

VIII: December rain

•THIS SHIT HAS ME BAWLING MY EYES OUT PLEASE

•THIS THIS RIGHT HERE HAD ME SCREAMING AND PUNCH THE WALLS

•PLEASE WHEN THEY SAW EACHOTHER AGAIN HAD ME SOBBING

•IN ANOTHER LIFEEEEE

•spoiler if u dont wanna get spoiled joke im not gonna spoil the rest i dont wanna ruin it for yall

•Happy ending tho

•12/10 if u wanna get depressed

VIII: Obey me

•I was curious and my friends also said i should try to read it

•First chap? Dropped it already

•Do i need to explain?

•-12237462827/10 if u like this, DNFI pls

IX: Pufferfish and Dolphin

•Oh my fucking gosh why did i even read the whole thing

•This had me crying and trying process what the fuck just happened

•Save the boy please

•-1928283736517172625115/10 pls stay away from it

X: Cherry blossoms after winter

•CUTE AS SHIT

•I just randomly got weirded out by sex scenes i cant rlly see them like that tbh

•PRECIOUS BABIES

•12/10 yes

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[badassllamaclan]

Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans (Real-time thoughts as I watched it yesterday)

Spoilers under the cut!!!

They’re gonna deny me Barbara seeing her human son again!?!?!?

Dafuq? Was that Otto????

Lol Incredibles?!?!?

STRICKLER FLYING IN THERE COULDA SOLVED HALF THEIR PROBLEMS

Men in Black needed

BRUH THAT WASN’T EVEN DETECTIVE SCOTT IN THE TRAILER

WHO IS BAILING THEM OUT OF JAIL

That fuckin your mom joke. These losers are so grounded when they get back to Arcadia

EXCUSE YOU, WHY DOES STRICKLER SOUND LIKE THAT???? But also, yay Strickler was there when Jim woke up.

FUCK ALRIGHT TROLLHUNTERS ROTT PRODUCERS AND WRITERS YALL ARE ON THIN FUCKING ICE, don’t give me that bullshit with Strickler’s voice and then HAVE STRICKLER ASK FOR JIMS BLESSING AND TO BE HIS BEST MAN AT THEIR WEDDING

Nomura…. Is her voice different I’m not 100% sure

Alright WTF ELI GOT HOT

ALSO WHY DID HIS GLASSES GET BIGGER

FUCKIN WHAT

“So we don’t technically have a school”

Why the fuck is Arcadia the center

WHERE ARE ALL THE BABIES THAT WALT AND BARBARA WERE RAISING?!?!?

Also Nari up close is serious leafmen vibes

I love that this is some of the most involved Barbara has ever been in anything

Wtf did they do to BARBARA’S NOSE?!?!?

Smooth morons

FUCKIN WHAT

IM SORRY FUCKING WHAT

THE WRITERS ARE ON CRACK THERES DEADASS MPREG

WAIT WHO IS GONNA TELL BARBARA THAT STEVE IS PREGNAT

ALSO WOULDNT MAKING JIM ARMOR BASICALLY MAKE HIM ON GHE SAME LEVEL AS TOBY?!?!?

Why didn’t that fuck test the amulet before they tried to stop the order???

Also why does Jim yelling sound so weird? Like his voice is deeper specifically when he yells.

Mad respect that the arctic base in Greenland wasn’t destroyed and that researcher won’t straight up freeze to death

Everyone is questioning troll dragons, WHEN STRICKLER EXISTS RIGHT THERE

At least Nomura is still Nomura

Fuck either Blinky or Arrrgh is gonna die or some shit… WAIT BLINKY IS TELLING THE STORY THAT MEANS HE LIVES… fuck

Also Jim you’re such a loser I love you, the world’s ending and you’re upset cause your mom is finally happy and her happiness is at risk

ALSO WHERE IS NOTENRIQUE

OH COOL, we addressed that Archie’s dad still exists and is ancient AF. LOVE GHE GUILT TRIPPING!!! Father son bonding over terrorizing Blinky, love it

ALSO EVERYONE WAS CAUGHT ON VIDEO IN THE BEGINNING HOW HAS THAT NOT BEEN ADDRESSED, they’re literally only acknowledging that the titans happened

Yay, Barbara and Strickler having active roles

ALSO HIS SWEATER

Hi I was not ready for Nomura

Cool they’re gonna kill Strickler in the exact way I said on tumblr a few years ago

THANK FUCK THEY WENT TO GO STEAL LITERAL FUCKING TIME FROM THE TROLL DRAGON

YES BARBARA VALIDATING HOW MUCH STRICKLER LOVED JIM, but random assedly bringing up Jim’s bio dad?????

YO YALL JUST GONNA LEAVE BARBARA FUCKING ALONE AT THE CASTLE

So they’re going to kill off as many fan favorites as possible because they have to fix everything with the time sphere

BUT ALSO I KNOW MOVIES AND SHIT AND THEY WOULDNT JUST MENTION BIO DAD FOR NO REASON (they did in fact)

YES SHANNON STILL HAS A GIRLFRIEND

Coach Lawrence is trying his best

Thus far the pacing of this is pretty good

Oh shit Nari and WHATS his face died, but I swore that wasn’t permanent when they killed WHATS his face the first time

Wait back up, I thought that Heartstone was dead, and now it’s glowing

Lol I love how they have military clearance

ALSO WHERE IS BARBARA

Aja is a wonderful and realistic queen

DAS A BIG HEARTSTONE

THIS IS THE GAYEST SHIT

ALSO WOULD LOVE IT IF THIS SHIT DIDNT WORK, but it did

I love how they brought Nomura back just to kill her

BRUH WHERE IS THE SPHERE SO YALL CAN FIX EVERYTHING

Lol I kinda knew Toby was gonna die when they kept bringing up him being moral support he felt underestimated and the underestimated ones always sacrifice themselves

Also I would be bawling my damn eyes out if it wasn’t for the fact they haven’t used the green time orb yet

Blinky comforting Arrrgh borderline looked like they were kissing

Arrrgh crying though almost got me

Lol I would love it if Jim time travels and when it catches up to the same point that the current timeline is at they’re just at Barbara and Strickler’s wedding.

WAIT HOW FAR BACK IS JIM GOING

ALSO WHY ISNT BARBARA THERE

ALSO CLAIRE AND JIM SAID THE ACTUAL WORDS I LOVE YOU

BUT HOW FAR BACK IS HE GOING WTF

IS THIS THE DAY HE FOUND THE FUCKING AMULET

WTF IS GOING ON

WAIT THESE FUCKS BETTER GIVE ME A MONTAGE OF JIM TRYING TO SLUGHTLY CHANGE THINGS

BRUH HOLD ON I HAD AN IDEA FOR STRICKLER BEING THE TROLLHUNTER BUT HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO WIN SO HE TRIES TO DESTROY THE AMULET AND ENDS UP MEETING WITH ALL THE OTHER TROLLHUNTERS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AND THEY ALL SEE A FUTURE WHERE JIM WAS THE TROLLHUNTER AND THEREFORE THEY WON

BUT IF TOBY IS THE TROLLHUNTER

also real quick Jim trying to set Strickler up with his mom OMFG

FUCK I WILL CRY

YEP IM CRYING

THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ON JIM IS SO GOOD

ALSO UPSET NORMURA DIDNT HAVE A SCENE IN THE ALTERNATE TIMELINE

FUCK it’s such a good ending for the series I love it

OKAY IT WAS JONATHAN HYDE BUT WHY WAS HE EXTRA GROWLY

Fuck there’s no more… I just wanna see more, like how the writers and creators think the little differences between timelines will be

I’m literally sitting here staring at the credits screen.

I love how the last bit of credits is the production babies

The ending also explains why there was so much fan service